OCW Presents: Monday Night Massacre
Live! June 2nd, 2014
From the Ryan Center of the University of Rhode Island in Kingston, Rhode Island
~Massacre opens cold with a shot of Skytz standing inside the ring~
Smith: Before we start with the opening matches we have Skytz in the ring with an exclusive interview!
~The camera pans to the ring where we Skytz holding a microphones and a white man in dress pants and shirt looking calm yet angry is standing next to him holding his arms crossed over his chest~
Skytz: Thank you Smith! Ladies and gentlemen I am here with a man named Jack. What does Jack have to do with OCW? He is friends with Mia Stone and he is here to give us an update her as she is currently out of action due to the match she had last week at the Clash at the Coast. Jake, what can you tell us on the condition of your friend, Mia?
Jack: First off, I’d like to thank OCW for letting me come on the show. Second, yes, Mia is doing fine. She is banged up due to the events that transpired at Clash but she is in good spirits and is recovering nicely. She should be back to OCW in a week or two, depending on what the doctor’s say.
Skytz: Glad to hear it isn’t anything serious? Do you know if she has had any chance to think about her next course of action?
Jack: She wasn’t sure but one thing she did say was she was just going to let the shit with Ian Bishop slide and move on.
Skytz: Wow, really? He did some pretty atrocious actions, and she’s just going to wipe the slate clean?
Jack: I guess. I tried to convince her she should kick his ass without that slut of his girlfriend interfering or taking an unfair advantage but she was determined to move on.
Skytz: Insane! Well, Jack, that’s all the time we have thank you for coming by and letting us know about Mia! Back to you guys.
Jack: No problem!
~“Comin’ in Hot” plays as a generic theme song for the guest as they go to leave the ring~
Smith: I’m glad to hear that Mia is OK but to just leave everything behind?
Hood: That’s the smart move! Ian Bishop is a force to reckon with and she’s just trying to add years to her life!
Smith: If you say so, well up next folks--
~Smith is cut off by the war sirens of “Indestructible” by Disturbed as the crowd begins to boo the roof off of the Ryan Center. Skytz and Jack stop in their tracks as “the Incredible” Ian Bishop emerges from the back with his OCW Central Championship around his waist and some thick, long rope in one hand. He stands at the top of the entrance, soaking in the boos as following him is Sean Fuller, the other half of Victory Denied. Fuller stands next to Ian soaking in the boos until finally MJ Bell walks out next to Bishop. She rubs the belt around his waist and then leans up and kisses him on the lips. Bishop and Bell lock hands as the three of them march down to the ring as Skytz and Jake back up to the middle of the ring. Fuller slides into the ring as Bishop walks up and lowers the ropes so Bell can enter. Fuller scares Skytz away as he runs out of the ring leaving Jake alone. Jake tries to leave the ring but Fuller pushes Jake towards the middle so he is face to face with Bishop. His music dies down as Bishop is staring a hole into Jake as the crowd is throwing a ton of insults their way, the more popular ones being “asshole”, “paper champ”, “slut”, and “go get VD!” Bell goes and gets Bishop a microphone as he puts the microphone to his lips~
Ian Bishop: Let me get… one thing straight… Mia is done with me? You mean she is just letting go all the HORRIFIC, AWFUL, DISGUSTING actions I’ve done to her? Actually, if we want to be fair, I’ve only done two things to her. One was a cheeky play on a stereotype and then the other, you know, when I took your friend… and chained her up like a dog and whipped her back to the slave days.
~The crowd is not pleased at all with Bishop’s words as Jake backs up, trying to contain some anger. He still has a microphone in his hand from his interview moments ago. He turns back and faces Bishop~
Jake: How could you do that to her? Put a human down to such a level? Don’t you think about what your actions will do to people, how they will react--
Ian Bishop: NO!... No I don’t, Jake. I react solely on impulses and strategic planning with disregard to feelings. Does this surprise you? That a human could do this to another human being? I got news for you Jake. Mia isn’t a human… she’s a disgrace. She’s a fucking animal. To think I have to be in the same building as that… that… freak every single goddamn Monday night makes me SICK TO MY FUCKING STOMACH!
~Bishop pauses for a moment, breathing heavily as the crowd begins to chant ‘racist’. Bishop looks like he’s about to freak out at the crowd but Bell whispers into her champion’s ear to help calm him down. Bishop smirks, kissing his empress on the forehead and turning his attention back to Jake~
Ian Bishop: So that’s it then, Jake? She just wants to wipe the slate clean? Fine, She can have that moral victory. However, I see a fury inside you saying you can’t leave this ring unless you get a shot on me. You have built up anger over the mistreatment of your friend. I get it. If anyone tried to fuck Fuller up, he knows I’d have his back in an instant and if anyone tried to harm my supreme empress, it would be the end of them. So I’m going to be a fair guy and give you the chance to strike me. You don’t have and you can leave the ring but if you strike me, and I fall to the ground in pain, Fuller will leave you alone and let you leave. If you hit me though, and I get back up, there will be fucking hell to pay.
~The crowd is stirring with excitement as Bishop brings his neck forward and is pointing to his cheek, taunting Jake. A “Jake” chant erupts from the crowd as he seems confused on what to do. He clenches his fist and raises it, shaking with rage wanting to hit Bishop. However he lowers it as Bishop, Bell and Fuller all start laughing at him. Jake with a stern look begins to leave the ring but then quickly turns around to fire a punch but Bishop grabs the fist, breaking his promise. Jake looks on in horror as Bishop raises the microphone.~
Ian Bishop: A word of advice to you Jake… never, NEVER, trust my word.
~With that Bishop head butts Jake, busting his nose and making him bleed instantly as he doubles down onto the ground of the ring. Bishop shakes his head and laughs as he unlatches his belt, hands it to Bell as he takes the bull rope he brought with and ties it around Jakes neck. He then begins to take the rope and fling it around the ring, causing Jake’s body to flail around uncontrollably, as the three of them laugh hard at Jake’s predicament. Fuller leaves the ring and grabs a steel chair, bringing it into the ring and smashes it into Jake’s face, denting the chair in the process. Bishop then lassos the rope around one of the corners of the ring and then begins to pull from outside the ring. Jake’s body presses against the ring corner hard and the rope is choking him out as he pleads for air to Bell. Bell shakes her head no slowly as Bishop lets go of the rope and Jake falls to the ground breathless and bloody. Bishop begins to speak again while he re-enters the ring~
Ian Bishop: Jake… let your friend know that I am nowhere near done with her. She can hide if she wants to but I’ll fucking find her and tie her up, and do worse to her than what I just did to you. Tell her to be ready… because her MASTER is here and wants one thing from her and that’s--
~"Voodoo Child" by Jimi Hendrix hits as the crowd goes crazy for the theme music of their returning President, Dean. Ian is cut off mid-sentence as he stares up towards the entrance way. Dean emerges from behind the curtain looking much nicer and healthier than he did this past Sunday. He has a mic in his hand and he begins speaking~
Dean: Are we beating up fans again? First it was some college professor or mentor or whatever the fuck and now its Jake...Jake?? I thought after another woman handed you that Central Title you might learn a thing or two...mainly, how to keep your mouth shut and focus on trying to...oh, I don't know, win a title without anybody giving it to you.
~Bishop's anger is building as MJ comes to his defense and Fuller looks like he’s ready to speak as well~
MJ Bell: Did you watch the same PPV, Dean? Or were you too busy only thinking about yourself and your "amazing" return? I didn't hand him the title. He unhooked it himself and won the match, I simply gave the rightful champion an advantage and there is nothing wrong with that.
Sean Fuller: I'd like to add in that Bishop and myself, Victory Denied, the most ruthless and unforgiving tag team OCW has, were cheated out of the tag team championships and you have the most dysfunctional tag team representing them all. We demand a rematch where we can't be cheated out of a win this time.
~Sean looks over at Ian placing his hand over the microphone~
Sean Fuller: That was it right?
~Ian rolls his eyes~
Ian Bishop: You have a lot of nerve coming out here and shooting your mouth. I mean, I lost my title and asked for my rightful rematch and you denied it. Then Lurrr shows up, I make a statement and without HESITATION he puts me in the match. As you can see Dean, he obviously made the right choice. You are obviously too self-centered to run a professional company.
Dean: Blah blah blah...all I hear when Orange over there speaks is 'slurp slurp slurp'...and yea, Lurrr was a great owner...so great he placed Mr. Richard into the main event at Sinful Nature. Obviously the kind of man who puts business ahead of personal desire. In fact, you two have a lot in common. But I'm not gonna sit here and trade insults with a couple of delusional cheap holograms of what a true superstar is supposed to look and act like. No, instead I'm going to let you know that this ordeal with Mia isn't over. In my eyes and the eyes of many she's the rightful Central Champion...just like the British Doctor was after Resurrection.
~Bishop and Fuller look at each other, shake their heads and turn back to Dean~
Ian Bishop: Are you fucking deaf, Dean? Fuller just told you something. Do we need to yell it to you?
Both: WE WANT A FUCKING REMATCH FOR THE TAG TITLES.
Ian Bishop: Also... before you respond, you actually think that dirty ape deserves to be the champion?... You know what? I think I need to remove Jake off of this rope and tie you up, beat some sense into you so you don't sound like a big lipped hooligan.
~Dean holds back his anger as Ian's statement has obviously hit a nerve. He takes a moment to compose himself before speaking~
Dean: How could I forget about Victory Denied...the name which promises a self-fulfilled prophecy for the duo of Fuller and Bishop in tag team championship matches. I can dig another tag team title match up...heck, that division needs a shot in the arm. But Ian, you've got too much on your plate...so we'll let the true Central Champion team up with Fuller to take on Amber and Danny B.
~The crowd cheers this decision as Bishop turns around, staring at Bell and Fuller, who don't look impressed they'll have to tag together. However, Bell picks up her microphone~
MJ Bell: I don’t like it but I'll make sure I support my champion, your champion and our champion one hundred percent and if that means taking his spot in the tag match, so be it.
~Bishop smirks and nods in approval, crossing his arms and laughing at Dean. Bishop goes to speak again but is cut off by Dean again~
Dean: Awesome, moving words MJ. Speaking of moving...let's move along to why I came out here to begin with. Ian you proved one thing at Clash...you proved that with the help of a woman, you could narrowly defeat Mia Stone. To me, that's far from concrete...to me, that's as flimsy a victory as a champ could base his reign upon. So, I'm going to do you a favor...I'm going to give you a chance...just like I did at Black Out...to PROVE you are a true champion worthy of that strap. At Sinful Nature it will be you against Mia Stone one on one in a Bull Rope Match for the OCW Central Championship.
~Bishop begins to laugh uncontrollably as smirks don the faces of Fuller and Bell. Bishop turns back to Dean with a smile on his face as the crowd is going crazy for that match announcement~
Ian Bishop: Really? A Bull Rope Match? That won't be a problem at all. Thank you Dean for giving me the chance to end that animal's career once and for all. I got what I wanted, we got what we wanted, so I think it's time go to the back and celebrate.
~Bishop, Bell and Fuller start to leave but once again they are cut off by Dean talking some more~
Dean: I'm glad we're all on the same page. A Central Championship Bull Rope match at Sinful Nature with Ian Bishop defending against Mia Stone.
~Dean turns to leave...but stops...he turns back around~
Dean: Damnit, I forgot one more item. Fucking old age and Mexican prisons...will do a number on the ole brain. Anyway...there's going to be a special ref for your match to ensure things go down the way they are supposed to. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the special ref for the Central Championship Match at Sinful Nature...ALICE KNIGHT!
~All of the jaws of Victory Denied drop as the crowd EXPLODES in cheerful chaos as Electrified by Dressy Bessy hits as Alice Knight comes out wearing a baggy referee t-shirt, with her arms in the air. She looks a bit surprised by the loud ovation she gets from the crowd. She quickly eats it up and starts motioning with her hands to cheer more as the crowd does. She then flexes her arms playing to the crowd. She finally walks up to President Dean and the two shake hands. Dean hands her the microphone. Her music dies down and a small ‘Al-ice. Al-ice. Al-ice.’ Chant breaks out throughout the crowd. Alice laughs at it and gives a fan a thumbs up and a wink~
Alice Knight: Wow. (waves at the trio in the ring) Hey guys! Hey, Ian. The Central (puts her fingers in quotations) “CHAMP”. I bet you think you’re really funny making all these racist jokes towards Mia Stone and our President, Dean. Real funny stuff… I bet you’d like us to do a dance for you too, eh boss? Does that please you boss? Makin’ em dance for yee, Master? Does this please, you Masta’?… (Alice starts to do a little racist jig as Dean stops her) Sorry. Sorry. Well I won’t allow that. So you may have chased off my friend, Bria-Bria from the OCW. You may have hallucinated poor MJ Bell over there to fancy your disgusting self. And you may have beat up Mia’s good friend in there, Jim… Jake… Jerr… (Dean says ‘Jack’ to Alice)… JACK! Yes, my next guess. Jack. Jack! Yeah. Jack… But in this bull rope match at Sinful Nature… I am the LAW! I am the ORDER! I am like a prettier version of Sam Waterson… star of… well… Law and Order… but I promise… I will be as (does quotations with fingers again) “impartial” as I can be in this match. But if I were a betting woman, and I guess I am with my many, many, many gambling debts, but if I were an OCW fan betting on Ian Bishop versus Mia Stone at Sinful Nature… I’d put all my pennies and dimes on maybe a NEW OCW Central Champion…
~The crowd cheers as Alice nods and winks at Ian~
Alice Knight: Because I would have no problem… in fact it would be an ease… to count the pinfall on you Ian... ONE! TWO! FOUR-er-um-THREE! Three! Yeah, three! But it will be just as much of a pleasure to have the best ‘seat’ in the arena, right there in the ring, when we see Mia Stone whip you to pieces with the rope and touch all four corners to take the title away from you. Word!
~Knight drops the mic, as if she just won a rap battle, as her music plays again. She tries to do a “gangster” handshake with Dean, who just shakes his head no as the two leave. The camera pans back to Bishop in the ring who is shouting like a maniac while Bell tries to calm him down. The three of them leave the ring discussing the crazy turn of events as we cut to the announce team~
Smith: Wow, Hood! What an announcement! A bullrope match!
Hood: Ugh, yea, I heard
Smith: What’s wrong?
Hood: Seriously? A BULL ROPE match and you ask what’s wrong…
Smith: I’m a HUGE fan of Bull Rope matches
Hood: You do realize he’s talking about a BULL ROPE match and not a RODEO CLOWN match, right?
Smith: Thankfully, yes
Hood: OH THE HUMANITY
Smith: Well, I don’t know what you’re all up in arms about…but I’m super stoked…Mia is going to get her revenge and Alice is going to make sure it all takes place accordingly!
Hood: Sinful Nature? More like BLANDFUL Nature
Smith: Okay Mr. Negativity…enough of that…let’s cut to some footage before our in ring competition begins
~The scene changes to that of a local grocery store near the arena. People are walking about getting snack foods and other processed goods. The camera then pans to the side to show The Big Bifford. Biff smiles at the camera and waves, and it then pans out to show that he is wearing a giant DANGEROUS DAN RULES t-shirt~
Bifford: Hello OCW Fans! And grocery fans!
~The people just keep going about their business, ignoring the giant man~
Bifford: I'm here today to talk about THE GREATEST OCW WRESTLER OF ALL TIME... Dangerous Dan. Dangerous Dan is the Lightweight Champion and will be Lightweight Champion forever. In fact, I'm making it my NEW PURPOSE IN LIFE to make sure that Dangerous Dan becomes OCW World Champion. Scott Syren, look out...
~Bifford smirks at the camera and walks over to a group of women who are looking at cereal at the end of an aisle~
Bifford: Ladies... Can I interest you in some free t-shirts?
~Bifford offers them one of a dozen DANGEROUS DAN RULES t-shirts. The ladies take them and look at them, appearing confused~
Lady 1: Who is Dangerous Dan?
Lady 2: Why is he dangerous and what does he rule over?
Bifford: He's dangerous because he's such an amazing professional wrestler... I mean... he has an impressive record of 6 wins and 6 losses. Not showing off, but not too shabby either...
Lady 3: Um... that's only a 50% winning percentage...
Bifford: As I said... he's not in the business of showing off... Now take more t-shirts, bitches...
~Bifford shoves the t-shirts at the women and runs away. The scene changes back to the arena~
Smith: What is Bifford doing...?
Hood: He's just showing his love for Dangerous Dan.
Smith: Bifford hates Dan...
Hood: Then why does he have so many t-shirts...?
Smith: Anyway, back to reality...let’s head backstage
~The footage moves backstage where PerZag, Mike and Kevin McGregor are standing in a locker room (most likely PerZag’s locker room) chatting to one another~
Mike: Tonight is your night PerZag. Tonight is the night where you end The Bounty Hunter.
Kevin McGregor: You are going to end his life.
PerZag: I am not going to end his life, Kevin. He was a friend of mine, maybe he still can be. He is just going through a rough time.
Kevin McGregor: Fuck that. He attacked you last week, by now he has probably sided with the fucks that are after us.
PerZag: He may have attacked me last week, but he still was my friend. I will defeat him tonight. Completely smash him in the ring, and then things may change.
Kevin McGregor: They will not change. The Bounty Hunter is going to be after you until the day you die. Just like everyone else that is after you. You have to end it, by ending his life.
PerZag: I am not going to end his life.
Kevin McGregor: You are just too soft. I will go and end it myself before you even have your match.
~Kevin McGregor walks towards the door, and exits the room. PerZag looks over at Mike, staring him directly in the eyes~
PerZag: We should probably go and stop him from doing something bad.
~Mike nods at what PerZag said and they walk out of the locker room as the footage stops. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: More craziness involving the OCW Internet Champion
Hood: PerZag needs to make all unworthy people WALK THE PLANK
Smith: We aren’t on the beach anymore, Hood
Hood: No, but we are in Rhode ISLAND
Smith: Oh geez…anyway, folks, it’s time for our opening match of the evening…
Hood: A SPECTACULAR bout between Jason Xavier and Kevin Bourne…everyone in the WORLD has been buzzing about this one
Smith: Did you just chug a monster?
Hood: Monster? Is GRIMACE here?
Smith: Ugh, let’s go to ringside…
~Both Jason Xavier and Kevin Bourne are already in the ring~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall…introducing two of the three competitors…they are currently in the ring…Kevin Bourne and Jason Xavier!!
~”Dangerous” by Within Temptation hits as the crowd rises to their feet and gives a mixed ovation to the Undefeated OCW Southern Champion and member of Operation Zero as he makes his way down to the ring. Pryde enters into the ring and hands his Southern Title over to Belvedere~
Belvedere: And their opponent, from Parts Unknown, standing 5’8 and weighing in at 200lbs…he is the OCW Southern Champion…Pryde!!!
~The bell rings as Belvedere exits with Pryde’s title and this match is officially underway~
Smith: And it appears as though we have a surprise showing from Pryde tonight!
Hood: Well, crap…I was going to pick Jason Xavier but…well…that’s not gonna happen
Smith: You never know, Triple threats can be tricky
Hood: Ha…quit playing, we all know how this is going to go down
~Xavier shows the most guts as he goes after Pryde first with a kick into Pryde’s gut. Pryde staggers into the nearest corner with Xavier climbing onto the second rope. Bourne steps towards them, looking to help. Pryde shoves Xavier off of him and Xavier flies into Bourne with both men falling to the mat. Both men are lying on top of one another as Pryde rushes into the ropes, leaps off and lands on both of them with a Lionsault!!~
Smith: Double Lionsault?
Hood: Sure, I guess that’s what you’d call it
Smith: Bourne got the worst of it
Hood: Yep, he was the bottom bitch on that one
~Pryde waits for Xavier to get to his feet…he does and Pryde springboards off the ropes and drops Xavier with a Springboard Neckbreaker Slam!! Xavier lands hard and rolls out of the ring. Pryde then turns his attention back to Bourne. Bourne is staggering around like a drunk. Pryde kicks him in the gut and drills his head into the mat with a Facebuster!! Pryde then heads for the top rope with the fans on their feet, knowing what’s coming next~
Smith: It’s all over but the shouting
Hood: Yea and nobody is shouting
Smith: So, I guess it’s all over then
Hood: Adios douche bags
~Pryde reaches the top rope as Bourne gets back to his feet. Pryde leaps off with a front flip and then drops Bourne with a Huricanrana into a pin!! Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~Pryde hops to his feet with his arm raised in victory. He hasn’t even broken a sweat~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…the OCW Southern Champion…PRYDE!!!!!
Smith: Wow…impressive.
Hood: And we all thought he was going to be injured after that cage match with Sean Fuller
Smith: Evidently not…Pryde did work this evening
Hood: And he got his mask fixed.
Smith: Yes, he did that as well
Hood: I notice the important things
Smith: So I’ve…umm…noticed…well, folks…the Southern Champion is obviously in top form and looking like he’s going to remain unbeaten for quite some time…now, let’s see what’s going on backstage.
~Walking down the hallway with a leather belt in his hand and not back with the rest of his street clothes is Sean Fuller, who is confronted by Celeste Cooper. She eyes the fine Italian leather in his left hand as she closes the gap between them biting her bottom lip. She runs her hand down his arm and to his hand. Sean snaps his hand away from her grasp~
Celeste: I knew it! You are plotting something!
Sean Fuller: I am not, take that back.
~He says sounding offended~
Celeste: Uh huh... Why are you carrying your belt around then?
Sean Fuller: I was looking for Amber.
Celeste: I imagine she would be at the hospital after what you and Ian did to her.
Sean Fuller: Oh right, I forgot about that... not really though, it was awesome.
Celeste: Apparently she is livid too... something about her legs being open or maybe she meant the door to her hospital room.
Sean Fuller: Well you're busy with Grenier so I do have a slot open on my dating card.
~Celeste slaps Sean in the chest; hard!~
Sean Fuller: Oh relax babe you know you're the only red head for me.
~He says taking his hand to the side of her face, caressing it gently. She pulls away from his touch and takes a moment to refocus~
Celeste: You bastard...
Sean Fuller: Lang--
Celeste: Oh shove it! Now tell me what you are really doing with that belt...
Sean Fuller: Nothing.
Celeste: Sean…
~She takes one foot out a little and starts tapping it as her arms cross and her eyes glare a hole through Sean~
Sean Fuller: Okay fine I was going to tie Dean in his office, but you don't understand how annoying it is to always get patted down and sometimes even strip searched just because you say you're going to blow up the ring or toss grenades at people; oh and arrange a giant magnet to keep some steroid junky from participating. I totally sued after that malfunction too or Kaitlyn did but I think it was because she's blonde. Anyway I figure if i tie him in his locker room I won't have to hear him flap his gums or deal with the fallout of him trying to maintain order.
Celeste: NO TYING THE PRESIDENT IN HIS OFFICE!
~She shifts her eyes~
Celeste: No matter how annoying he or his orders are.
Sean Fuller: Plus it would be funny, he just came back and can't figure out how to get out of his locker room.
~Celeste holds out her hand. Sean places his empty hand in it but then quickly changes his tune and gives her his belt~
Sean Fuller: But if my pants fall down on the way back to the hotel I'm not pulling them back up.
Celeste: I wouldn't ask you too, hon.
~We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Hmm
Hood: Sean Fuller is never short of women, is he
Smith: He’s like Skytz only with older, definitely legal and better looking females
Hood: Takes all the danger out of it ya know
Smith: Not touching that
Hood: HA! Good one man!
Smith: Wasn’t trying to…nevermind…folks, let’s cut to some more taped footage featuring Le Beoufurd
~In the parking garage, a beautiful black BMW 5 Series pulls up. The driver quickly gets out of the front seat and opens the back door. The Big Bifford steps out, still wearing the DANGEROUS DAN RULES t-shirt. He smiles at the driver~
Bifford: Thank you sir... and I never fail to tip my drivers... here's a t-shirt.
~Bifford pulls a duffel bag out of the car and reaches inside, pulling out a Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirt and handing it to the driver. The driver gives him a dirty look as he walks away~
Bifford: It's a great day to be a Dangerous Dan fan! How're you guys doing?
~Bifford walks over to a group of stagehands who are smoking near the wrestler's entrance. He walks over and opens the duffel bag, handing out some Dangerous Dan t-shirts~
Bifford: Here you go guys... take one for each of you... want some for your wives and children?
~The stagehands look at Bifford with unease as they accept the t-shirts. Bifford smiles and pats them on the back, heading inside~
Bifford: DANGEROUS DAN FOREVER!
~He shouts as he leaves the garage. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Bifford...
Hood: I want a t-shirt too! Go Dan!
Smith: Hood...
Hood: Yes?
Smith: Let's get back to reality... again...
Hood: Reality is only fun when you’re drunk
Smith: Right…okay, instead of reality…let’s go backstage again
~The footage goes backstage where we can see Kevin McGregor speed-walking past locker room doors with names on it. He passes a door with Bob Grenier written on it, then a door with The Hollywood Brothers written on it, and soon walks up to a door with absolutely no name on it at all. McGregor smiles and opens up the door. The door opens up showing a room full of people. A man standing at the door in nothing but underwear smiles at McGregor~
Man: Come to join the orgy have you?
~McGregor looks at him with disgust and shuts the door in his face. He looks away, nearly throwing up~
~After a few near attempts of throwing up, McGregor swallows it down and keeps walking. He walks up to the next door, which has the name The Bounty Hunter written on it. McGregor smiles once more as he opens the door. He steps into the room, but it is empty. He turns around to exit the door, but is immediately knocked down by a chair. The Bounty Hunter holds the chair, and whacks it over McGregor’s head. Bounty Hunter drops the chair and picks up McGregor, throwing him into the wall in the hallway. McGregor hits the floor hard. The Bounty Hunter picks McGregor up, spins him around, and gives him the Tombstone on the floor. The Bounty Hunter smiles and runs off around the corner~
~PerZag and Mike run around a corner and down a hallway to where Kevin McGregor is laying down, unconscious. PerZag kneels down next to him and looks up at Mike.~
PerZag: Go and get some help. He is unconscious, we need help.
Mike: OK. I will be back soon.
~Mike runs off down the hallway and around the corner as the footage stops rolling. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: McGregor is down!
Hood: Who?
Smith: PerZag’s friend…or companion
Hood: Well, that’s what happens when you turn down an orgy invite
Smith: Gross
Hood: Look, I’m not saying you just jump in there and start thrusting away…but you owe them the courtesy of at least checking things out
Smith: Sick and twisted…let’s get to our next match…bleh!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is a Tag Team Match and it is scheduled for one fall!
~The nWo theme begins to play as Ryan Hollywood and Hollywood Skyes make their way to the ring. They enter and are ready for the match~
Belvedere: Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 404lbs…Ryan Hollywood and Hollywood Skyes….The Hollywood Brothers!!!
~”A-Punk” by Vampire Weekend blasts through the arena as the fans stand and cheer the fast rising Mark Storm along with his partner, the debuting Hiroyoshi Suzuki. Together, they enter into the ring and appear ready for the match to begin~
Belvedere: And their opponents…at a total combined weight of 459lbs…Mark Storm and Hiroyoshi Suzuki…Society of Sovereignty!!!
~The bell rings as Belvedere exits and the match is set to begin~
Smith: Mark Storm has been one of the more impressive OCW newcomers over the past month and tonight he debuts his tag team alongside OCW rookie, Hiroyoshi Suzuki!
Hood: I’m going to call him Hiro
Smith: Hey, whatever works…now, as for The Hollywood Brothers…they could desperately use a win. Both men have been in OCW for nearly a month now with very little success.
Hood: Well, they’ve lasted this long…I’d say that’s something
Smith: True, have to admire the determination
~Hiro starts things off for his team while Skyes starts off for his. They quickly lock up as Skyes lifts an early knee into Hiro’s gut, doubling him over. Skyes then shoves Hiro into the nearest corner and starts to barrel a couple of shoulders into Hiro’s gut. Skyes then delivers a hiptoss, throwing Hiro into the middle of the ring. Hiro lands hard, and holds his back…Hiro is sitting up as Skyes runs in and dropkicks Hiro in the back!! Hiro rolls over onto his stomach, holding his back in pain~
Smith: Fast start here for Hollywood Skyes
Hood: Yea, fucker looks determined to win tonight
Smith: Yep and he’s obviously taking advantage of Hiro’s lack of experience within OCW
~Skyes walks over and tags in Ryan Hollywood. Hollywood stands up on the second rope as Skyes yanks Hiro to his feet and holds him in position. Ryan leaps off and drills Hiro with a double axe handle!! Hiro falls to his knees. Ryan measures him up and goes for a kick to the head…Hiro ducks, though and he quickly rolls Ryan Hollywood up! Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Out of nowhere the newcomer rolled Ryan Hollywood up and nearly won this match
Hood: Fucking impressive
Smith: Indeed
~Ryan kicks out and is quickly back to his feet. Hiro moves to get to his feet but is met with a kick into the gut by Ryan. Ryan whips Hiro into the ropes and puts his head down. Hiro hits the ropes, comes off…stops and he kicks Ryan in the head. Hiro then hooks Ryan for a powerbomb, lifts him up and drops him with the Colossal Bomb (Powerbomb Lung Blower)! The crowd cringes with pain as Hiro gets to his feet and he tags Mark Storm in to a loud ovation~
Smith: That Colossal Bomb sure does look vicious
Hood: Stupid Ryan Hollywood putting his head down like that…do you think maybe he saw a stain on the mat?
Smith: Pretty sure he was going for a back body drop
Hood: Idiot
~Storm rushes into the ring and he goes for a quick pin on Ryan Hollywood~
1!
2!
Break Up!
Smith: Hollywood Skyes with the break up
Hood: Now that’s what I’m talking about…show some team spirit…some ingenuity!
Smith: You mean cheating
~Skyes interrupts the pinfall by kicking Storm in the head. Storm gets to his feet as Skyes punches him in the head…Scruff yells for Skyes to get out of the ring. He ignores Scruff…Skyes elbows Storm against the ropes. Skyes sprints in…Storm puts his head down and he lifts Skyes over the top rope and to the outside!! Skyes lands hard~
Smith: Crime doesn’t pay!
Hood: Not if you’re fucking stupid about it
Smith: Whatever!
~Storm yanks Ryan to his feet and he tags Hiro back in. Hiro and Storm get on the same page as Storm turns Ryan around and hooks him for a Full Nelson…he lifts Ryan up for a Full Nelson Slam…Hiro then grabs Ryan’s legs as he’s up in the air and he drops him with a sit out powerbomb while Storm drops him with a Full Nelson Slam!! Hiro goes for the pin as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings as the crowd cheers loudly for Storm and Hiro who have their arms raised in victory~
Belvedere: Here are your winners…the team if Mark Storm and Hiroyoshi Suzuki…SOCIETY OF SOVEREIGNTY!!!!!
Smith: Wow, what a move! They call that Paragon Finale!
Hood: Yea, Ryan Hollywood might be yelling ‘cut’ right about now
Smith: Wow, a pun?
Hood: Eh, lay off me…it’s Monday…my brain is still suffering from the weekend.
Smith: Indeed…well, folks…let’s head backstage after this IMPRESSIVE victory for Mark Storm and Hiroyoshi Suzuki!
Hood: Yea, I’ll give them credit…solid debut tag win
Smith: Indeed…now…yikes…MORE taped footage from Bifford
Hood: The man lives his life in excess, Smith
~In the catering area a chef is busy putting meat onto sandwiches. A shadow comes over the chef and the camera pans out to show Bifford standing behind him wearing the Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirt. The caterer turns around and sees the man~
Caterer: There is plenty of food already finished, sir...
Bifford: Take off your shirt...
~The caterer looks at Bifford with wide eyes~
Caterer: I'm not that kind of person...
~Bifford slams his fist into the caterer's face, knocking him out. He quickly pulls his chef-shirt off and then forces a Dangerous Dan t-shirt that is far too big for him over his head. He leaves him there in catering and walks away~
Smith: Who will make the sandwiches now!?
Hood: Don't worry... he'll be up soon enough... I think...
Smith: Bifford is on a rampage with these t-shirts!
Hood: When a man has a passion he can be very motivated to spread that passion...
Smith: We both know this is all just... some sort of ploy...
Hood: I know nothing of the sort...
Smith: Can we please just get back to reality....
Hood: Okay…I’ll say it…LET’S GO BACKSTAGE!
~The camera cuts to backstage where we see MJ Bell with a rather satisfied look on her face as the crowd boos. As the camera zooms out we see she is receiving a shoulder massage from "the Incredible" Ian Bishop, as he receives even more jeers. He brings his elbow up and digs it into a sore spot of Bell's, who bites her lip because it feels that good~
MJ Bell: Mmm, you have magic fingers baby.
Ian Bishop: And you would know all about these magic fingers, right, doll?
~Ian smirks as he leans down and kisses MJ on the cheek as he sits in front of her and holds her hand~
Ian Bishop: OK, now that Sean is off to get ready for his match, are you sure you want to tag with him? Trust me, I'll whoop Dean's ass so fast he'll have to put me back in that match.
~MJ narrows her eyes slightly showing her displeasure of tagging with Fuller however she gives Ian a half smile~
MJ Bell: No, no, I'll... Deal with him-- for you. You need to be hundred percent for the Central Title match with Stone. Don't worry about it.
~Ian smiles as he rubs MJ's cheek with his thumb~
Ian Bishop: Thank you. You're amazing for doing this for me. All the more reason to give you this gift I got made...
~MJ's brow arches in curiosity. She adjusts closer to Ian~
MJ Bell: You had something made for me?
~Ian Bishop digs through his duffle bag as he throws out various items such as empty condom wrappers, MJ's delicates and lubricates before bringing out a tiny crown filled with diamonds and different colored jewels. MJ's jaw drops as Ian showcases the crown for her~
Ian Bishop: What would an empress be... without her crown?
~Ian winks as he passes MJ the crown. One hand covers over her mouth while the other holds it. MJ stares at the crown then looks up at Ian~
MJ Bell: I love it... Thank you so much Ian!
~She lunges over wrapping both arms around his neck. Her mouth moves but the words were inaudible to the camera. Ian laughs as he releases the hug from MJ, who is all smiles~
Ian Bishop: Well I didn't spend a fortune for you to hold it. Let me see you with it on!
~MJ leaps up to her feet then sets the crown on her head, adjusting it so the crown sets properly on her head. She smirks~
MJ Bell: Sooo? How does it look?
Ian Bishop: Absolutely perfect as I knew it would look on you. Now that my empress has her crown, and I have my championship, we will run OCW. This is our place!
~Ian and MJ lock lips and begin to make out as the crowd boos and we cut back to ringside~
Smith: I’m already exhausted, Hood
Hood: Yea, anal sex will do that to a man
Smith: Scuse me?
Hood: Dude, my room was next to yours…I heard you all night last night and twice this morning
Smith: I was doing my thigh master work outs
Hood: People still use those?
Smith: This guy does!
~Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppelin starts to play over the PA system. A man starts to descend from the ceiling onto the ramp, holding a Double Necked 12 and 6 string Gibson SG. He plays the guitar in tune with the song as he wanders down to the ring. He slides into the ring, under the bottom rope. He walks into the centre of the ring as the music stops playing. Belvedere walks into the ring and hands him a microphone~
Sergeant Brenner: Sergeant Brenner is here to rock your world. I have come back from a journey through space and time, to make my name known across the globe. I have come down from the heavens and having the angels by my side every step of the way. I am God of all heavens and the guardian of Rock!!! I am here to show you, I will defeat you all I am Sergeant Brenner, and I am here to Rock your world!
~Sergeant Brenner starts to play the tune of Stairway To Heaven on his guitar~
Sergeant Brenner: I have come down the Stairway from Heaven, I am the God of all heavens and the guardian of Rock!!! I will defeat any man or woman who stands in my way. Next week I will prove what I can do in the ring by defeating the first person that steps in the way of Rock!
~One of the members of the crowd (a male) starts to laugh at what Sergeant Brenner is saying. Thinking that Brenner is a cock-sucking dick-head. Sergeant Brenner points at the man~
Sergeant Brenner: You laugh at me. You laugh at the king of Rock. Well, come into this ring and laugh right at me.
~The member of the crowd jumps over the barricade, and slides into the ring. Brenner looks at him, as the crowd member looks back~
Sergeant Brenner: Come on, man. Laugh at the King of Rock, the Guardian of Rock.
~The guy starts to laugh again at the comment that Brenner made. Brenner clutches the guitar, and swings the guitar hitting the guy in the head. The guy drops onto the mat, as Brenner hits him over and over again with the guitar until it breaks in half. The crowd looks on, shocked at what Brenner is doing. Brenner smiles at what he had done, and starts to leave the ring as Stairway To Heaven plays again. He walks up onto the ramp, playing an air guitar. He turns around, smiling at the man laying down in the ring, unconscious, getting treated. He turns around and walks off the stage as Stairway To Heaven cuts off~
Smith: Sergeant Brenner with a mission statement!
Hood: So he is the King AND the Guardian of Rock…man of many talents
Smith: Evidently so…yeesh …I’m being told MOAR BIFFORD
Hood: I can dig it!
~At a popcorn/hot dog concession stand, several fans are waiting in line to get some food between matches. They all look impatient to get back to their seats~
Smith: Why are we seeing this?
Hood: Can someone bring me a hot dog?
~The fans all turn and the camera pans out to show The Big Bifford walking up to the fans wearing his Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirt~
Smith: Oh for the love of... this is the fourth time tonight!
Hood: The Big Bifford - bringing BIG ENTERTAINMENT four times in one night!
~Bifford walks through the line and hands out some Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirts to the fans~
Bifford: You guys all big Dan fans? GO DAN!
Fan 1: He's okay. Do you have any MJ Bell t-shirts?
Bifford: Who? No. Just Dan.
Fan 2: Got any Syren or PerZag t-shirts?
Bifford: You stupid fans! I'M GIVING YOU FREE CLOTHING. Just take it and say thank you. Dangerous Dan is a GREAT WRESTLER...
Fan 3: He's okay. Got any Amber Ryan or Danny B shirts?
Bifford: No. Just more DANGEROUS DAN shirts! Who better than Dan? Nobody!
~The fans accept the t-shirts, feeling a bit uncomfortable as Bifford forces them each to take one~
Smith: Can we please get back to some sanity...
Hood: Where's my hot dog?
Smith: Don't worry; I'm sure Biff will eat more than enough for both of you...
Hood: I certainly hope so…probably should have put some on layaway
Smith: Well, as if things couldn’t get any WEIRDER…well, they’re about to…Zoo Match is next
Hood: *makes some kind of monkey sound*
Smith: Pretty sure you just offended monkeys all over the world
Hood: Fuck em
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a Non-Title Zoo Match and it is scheduled for one fall!
~We turn our attention to the OCW Tron which shows us the local-ist zoo OCW could find. The camera looks for Eman…but Eman cannot be found~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Accra, Ghana…standing 149cm and weighing in at 92lbs…Eman Biney!!
~”I Am Warrior” by Cruachan begins to play as the entire zoo creates a ruckus. The rhinos roar or whatever rhinos do…Elephants stomp…monkeys freak out…snakes hiss...dolphins do flips and caterpillars instantly turn into butterflies. Scott Syren rides an Ostrich into the part of the zoo where the fight is going to take place~
Belvedere: And its opponent, from The Plain of Fear…standing 6’8 and weighing in at 287lbs…he is the OCW Western Champion…Scott Syren!!
~Syren dismounts from the Ostrich and he punches the Ostrich in the head. The Ostrich falls to the ground as several zoo keepers rush at Syren in anger with pitch forks and nets? Syren starts to fight them off as we try to locate Eman Biney. A bell rings as this is being simulcast via the OCW Tron~
Smith: All heck has broken loose at the zoo nearest to Kingston, Rhode Island!
Hood: I don’t know what Eman Biney has done or who they paid off…but the entire zoo looks to be after Scott Syren’s blood.
Smith: No, I think they are just angry he beat up one of their prize birds.
Hood: Hey, I just watched Dude Where’s My Car and those fucking birds are brutal. Syren was just establishing himself as the dominant figure in the jungle.
Smith: It’s a zoo…there are cages
~Syren tosses a few zoo keepers around. He grabs one and hurls him into the rhino pin. The rhino charges him…our camera quickly turns as we hear him screaming. Syren looks around and yells out “Eman! Show thyself!”~
Smith: Where IS Eman Biney?
Hood: The more logical question would be WHO is Eman Biney?
Smith: A wrestler in OCW
Hood: Male or female?
Smith: Ummm…you know, I don’t think that’s ever been verified
Hood: For fucks sake…now what am I supposed to do if it’s kind of hot and I get a semi-erection
Smith: Don’t look at me, not my problem
~Suddenly, someone yells “There’s a human in the monkey cage!” Everyone turns as Eman is crouched amongst the monkeys cleaning each other’s skin. Biney is having its hair picked by a giant male monkey while Eman picks through the back of some other monkey. Syren walks up to the bars and bends them apart, entering the cage~
Smith: Whoa…and people expect to beat this guy?
Hood: When you’re from the Plain of Fear bending metal is like spitting in the wind
Smith: What? Wouldn’t the spit come back into your face? The heck kind of analogy is that?
Hood: I don’t know...it’s a zoo match, quit trying to make sense of things
~Syren beats his chest as several monkeys rush at him. Syren kicks them and punches them away, walking towards Eman Biney. Eman stands up and makes some kind of monkey noise. Syren grabs Eman by the head and drops it with the Block Burner inside the cage! Syren goes for the pin as Gruff counts from outside the monkey’s cage~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell sounds as the monkeys inside the cage are all hopping up and down, going wild. Syren stands up as the monkeys stop and bow down to him. He salutes the monkeys before exiting the cage~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…The OCW Western Champion…SCOTT SYREN!!!!!
Smith: For some reason, that match reminded me of Planet of the Apes
Hood: More like Planet of the Rape…s
Smith: Yea, Eman never really stood a chance…wonder what it was doing with the monkeys to begin with.
Hood: Maybe Eman was a monkey?
Smith: Perhaps…well…that was weird, so let’s go backstage
~The camera moves backstage showing Mike, who is running down a hallway up to two medics, who are talking~
Mike: We need help. There is a man knocked unconscious. We need some help.
~As soon as the medics hear this they start to pick up the gear that is needed. Mike starts to run down the hallway as the medics follow. They continue to run down the corridor until The Bounty Hunter blocks their path. Mike looks at him, shaking like a coward. The Bounty Hunter smiles at Mike, as Mike starts to piss his pants. The medics try to run past him, but The Bounty Hunter grabs one of them and throws them into a wall. He grabs the other medic and gives him the Powerbomb on the floor. He picks up the other medic and DDTs him onto the floor. Mike starts to run away, but The Bounty Hunter chases after him and eventually catches him, holding him by his throat~
The Bounty Hunter: No, no, no. You are not going anywhere. I have some plans with you.
~The camera cuts out as The Bounty Hunter starts to drag Mike away by his throat. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: The Bounty Hunter continues his wicked way!
Hood: Well, he’s got to face PerZag later on tonight…so I guess we’ll see what happens
Smith: Any idea?
Hood: Meh, he’ll either win or lose
Smith: Way to go out on a limb…
~Suddenly “Cocky” by Kid Rock begins to play as former OCW President Lurrr makes his way down to the ringside area. He is in his Prez Mobile…instead, this time, it’s simply the Lurrr Mobile. An entourage of bodyguards follow it as Rick Mathis leads the way. They reach the ring which isn’t covered in bullet proof glass this time. Lurrr emerges from his Lurrr Mobile dressed in jeans and a t-shirt which reads “Lurrr”. He has a mic in his hand and begins to speak as Mathis and the entourage surround the ring, protecting their investment~
Lurrr: Alright, now I’m not going to waste a ton of time out here because my time is precious and there’s no need in going above and beyond what’s necessary in front of you fans…these announcers…that fucking bum ref or the idiots backstage. Simply put…I have the biggest match of my career in less than a month at Sinful Nature against Richard. Richard, the most talented and fiercest competitor of the new era OCW…there’s no doubt I need to sharpen my skills to be ready for what the man of 180 moves can throw at me.
~The fans boo Lurrr loudly as he acts confused as to why before smiling an over the top, sarcastic smile~
Lurrr: Ah, who am I kidding…this roster sucks…this new era sucks. I’m did all I could to breathe some life and competition into it last month only to find out that such a task is freakin impossible with these guys. And girls…I mean, fucking girls, really? Since when did we allow women to compete for anything other than the Spatula championship or the Ironing Board Award…it’s fucking ridiculous. My dick’s bigger than most of the female competitors in OCW.
~More boos lash out as people try to chant “MJ” and Mia” and “Amber”…Lurrr acts like he has no idea what they are chanting~
Lurrr: Sorry, but if you’re going to chant names of random people then I’m going to be totally lost in here. Why don’t you chant something relevant? Like Lurrr!
~More boos echo throughout the arena~
Lurrr: Alright, well let’s get down to business…before my epic clash with Richard…I need to work off some ring rust. So…without further ado…I would like to issue an OPEN CHALLENGE to anyone back there who thinks they have what it takes to face me…come on out right now!
~Lurrr nods at Mathis who walks up towards the top of the entrance ramp, standing in front of the curtain. Lurrr leans against the ropes. He watches as Mathis starts to struggle with someone behind the curtain. Mathis punches them and fights them off…we can’t see who it is~
Lurrr: Come on now, don’t be scared new era…just step on out here and face me like a MAN. Oh and yea only men need apply…my mother raised me not to beat on women so as a courtesy to her and all the people watching at home and here in the arena who want to see REAL athletic competition…you bitches stay in the back.
~Mathis continues to fight people off who are trying to come through the curtain~
Lurrr: Well…we’re waiting…
~Lurrr laughs as Mathis looks to have finally destroyed every person who tried to make their way through. He finally looks at Lurrr and points behind the curtain~
Smith: This is ridiculous…wrestlers were obviously trying to take him up on the challenge only to get laid out!
Hood: I think I saw Brianna try to come out!
Smith: Okay now that’s really ridiculous
Lurrr: What is it, Rick? Someone from my PAST is back there? My ARCH NEMESIS? Well…you know I’ve never shied away from a challenge…so…bring HIM out here!
~Lurrr drops the mic as Rick Mathis stands aside and allows…KRELLER MASTERS to emerge from behind the curtain. Kreller makes his way to the ring and walks up the ring steps..he slips and falls, landing on the ring apron hard. Lurrr’s bodyguards roll him into the ring under the bottom rope. He gets to his feet and is clearly fat and out of shape. He is wearing a Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirt~
Lurrr: Nice t-shirt, dip shit. Where’d you get it…that fatass delusional Bifford? The fuck is that…a mustard stain…man, if you’re going to show up for the GREATEST REMATCH in OCW history at least wear something clean.
~Lurrr rips the Dangerous Dan Rules T-Shirt off of Kreller. Kreller’s pale and flabby upper torso is exposed. Lurrr slaps his belly, it jiggles…he then smacks around his bitch tits, laughing as Kreller tries to shield his face with embarrassment~
Lurrr: Holy shit you’re fucking pathetic. Guess we may as well get this over with…
~Lurrr reaches out and pinches Kreller’s nipples as hard as he can as Kreller screams out in pain. Lurrr then takes a step back and lunges forward, DRILLING Kreller with the Wake Up Call!! Kreller falls over, knocked out as Lurrr places his foot on Kreller’s chest. Mathis rushes into the ring and counts~
1!
2!
3!!!
~Mathis leaps to his feet and raises Lurrr’s hand. Mathis hands Lurrr his mic back~
Lurrr: That’s right you stupid assholes…I’m in the best shape of my life and ready to kick Richard’s ass! As you’ve seen tonight…history has been altered and mistakes have been repaired…stricken from the record books Kreller’s win over me because, clearly, I am the better man. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I have better places to be and cooler people to spend time with.
~”Cocky” by Kid Rock starts back up as Lurrr re-enters into his Lurrr Mobile and he heads back up the ramp and out of sight with his entourage and Rick Mathis. Kreller is being tended to by OCW officials as we focus back on Smith and Hood~
Smith: Well, I don’t know what that proved
Hood: Wow! What a match! I really thought Kreller had him when he showed up in that Dangerous Dan shirt but…man…Lurrr’s cat-like quickness and his herculean strength were just too much for the still in his prime former OCW World Champion to handle!
Smith: Oh my gosh…WHATEVER
Hood: I’m sorry, but I see things through real colored glasses…no Smith colored glasses…rainbow colored glasses
Smith: What exactly are REAL colored glasses
Hood: I see the truth in things…I know the Matrix exists, man!
Smith: Retarded…let’s go backstage…
~The scene cuts to the back, where “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas, Bob Grenier, and Treat Cassidy sit at a table. Vargas and Greiner sit across the table scowling at one an other while Cassidy sits at the head of the table. It looks like the three are going over a game plan, the future, and potential ideas, except once the camera gets closer, it’s nothing but silence except the chatter from Cassidy~
Cassidy: Guys you aren’t really … helping me here. This is the best for both of you if you can just trust me here… Please this is what I do. They don’t call me the best agent in pro wrestling for nothing.
Chad Vargas: This is fuckin’ stupid Treat. FUCKIN’ STUPID! I’m a g’damn lonewolf I don’t need him. I don’t need anyone but these two fuckin’ dukes.
~Vargas raises his fists and glares at Grenier, taking a chug off his Budweiser and slamming the bottle to the table, beer flings up and hits Grenier, who as we know is a recovering alcoholic. Grenier gives Vargas a look of displeasure~
Bob Greiner: Hey Cassidy, tell Vargas you’ve got a real client now so we can just get the fuck out of here.
~Before Cassidy can chime in, Vargas cuts in~
Chad Vargas: Tell Grenier, that he can fly his fuckin’ crooked ass right on back to the land of frogs and have Slyvie, or any one of his backwood inbred pals to represent him I’m the best g’damn client you’ve ever had.
Bob Greiner: Tell Vargas, Cassidy – that Bob Grenier is the new mayor of Vargasland!
~Cassidy tries desperately to try to get a word in, but before he can Vargas explodes~
Chad Vargas: You tell ole Bob that he couldn’t afford not one fuckin’ 12 x 12 patio square that fills in my fuckin’ walkway. Who the fuck does this guy think he is!?!
Bob Grenier: Apparently, I’m your new partner. I guess I can try to co-exist with you Vargas, but there better not be any fucking NASCAR talk or this partnership will end very quickly.
~Chad Vargas and Bob Grenier grudgingly shake hands while Treat Cassidy sits between them beaming~
Smith: What the…are they aligning?
Hood: Some stern negotiating there…I, personally, am all for the non-Nascar clause…fuck that shit
Smith: I don’t know if Vargas can co-exist with someone who doesn’t like NASCAR
Hood: Why do you yell NASCAR?
Smith: I don’t, it’s just supposed to be said in all caps like
Hood: Ugh, it’s annoying
Smith: Annoying or not…I wouldn’t trust Vargas if I were Grenier
Hood: You mean Lopaka
Smith: Err…yea, sure
“Come to me, Ravenheart, Messenger, of evil…”
~ The operatic tones of Ravenheart by Xandria play as Danny B walks out from the behind to curtain to mild applause from the audience. Forgoing any of his usual theatrics, he heads straight to the ring where he collects a microphone~
Danny B: Hello Rhode Island!
~Of course, this cheap pop got the result it warranted~
Danny B: Well I’m here, I made it on the road. On the way, something special happened, I won the OCW post competition, and winning that, I won a chance at any OCW champion I want.
~Danny glances at the OCW tag team championship draped over his shoulder~
Danny B: Obviously I don’t need to go for this one, you know, having already won it, so my only option is to go for one of the singles championships around here. The question is of course, which one?
There’s five championships I can go for, the problem I have, is what do I want more, the titles, or the people holding them?
Take for example, the OCW Lightweight Championship. Dangerous Dan is the man I would have to beat for that one, and that is interesting, Dan and I go back a long way, so far in fact, that at one point he was slated to face me for the CWF World Heavyweight Championship, before the company folded in 2011. I have a lot of respect for Dan, and I know we would tear the house down. Question for me is, do I think Dan is a big enough challenge, or would I be better suited using my opportunity for a bigger championship?
Danny B: Something else I’ve wondered, am I worthy enough? Worthy enough to take the internet championship away from PerZag? Guy has been on a roll since he started, the rookie has come from nowhere to be one of the major players in this company, but his attitude stinks. He thinks he is worthier than most of us? Why, because he can execute a decent suplex here and there. What if I were to take that son of a bitch and show him just how unworthy he really is when a real challenger comes his way?
Continuing the Operation Asshat theme, is the Southern Champion, the dark destroyer himself, Pryde. He’s an enigma, don’t get me wrong, you can’t gauge this fucker even if you try. He’s a dark, tormented high flyer, a guy that stays under the radar, and yet is highly skilled in that ring and could beat anyone on any given day. Basically he’s me in a mask. No one has yet to best this beast, but if anyone can, shouldn’t it be me? Besides, after all, I live in Miami, so being the Southern Champion would have a ring to it. Pryde should keep an eye out for me.
Of course, then there is Scott Syren, the Western Champion. Guy is the most dominating force in the company today, and only one person has ever given Scott Syren a real run for his money, and yeah, of course it was me. Who would think anyone else could? Scott and I tore the house down at Total Demolition, and yes, he was the favourite going in, no one thought otherwise, except for Scott. He was worried about me back then, and now he’s worried about me again, not that he would admit it, what do you say Scott, Ripper vs Syren round two?
Danny B: But then there is Ian Bishop…
Danny B: …The low life that carries the central championship, he and I already have issues to settle, but the problem I would see with taking out Bishop, is A) he couldn’t beat me with both hands tied behind my back, unless he had someone doing half the work for him and B) I may not have pinned him, but Amber and I defeated him this past Sunday, I don’t know about you, but I think that deserves to put us both in line for it anyways.
~Danny stops talking, as if to think~
Danny B: So who will I choose? Well, the answer is…no one, not yet anyways. I have this shot, and I am not going to waste it in a rash decision. But stay on notice, everyone that I have mentioned, I will pick, and I will pick soon, and one of you will not be champion much longer.
Now, If you’ll excuse me I have a relic to beat later tonight. Fear The Reaper.
~And with that Danny drops the microphone and heads back up the ramp and out of sight~
Smith: Danny B has an open ended Title shot…who will he challenge?
Hood: My money is on the Hardcore Title!
Smith: What? That title isn’t even around
Hood: Oh, really?
Smith: Do you ever watch ANY of this?
Hood: Eh, it comes and it goes
Smith: Well, I for one would LOVE to see a Danny B/Dangerous Dan match up for the LightWeight Title…but that’s just me
Hood: Yea, that is just you
Smith: Hey, at least that title is actually active
Hood: Blah blah blabbity blah
Smith: So childish…let’s head backstage
~Outside of the arena, five fans stand against the building smoking cigarettes. They're talking casually about the show~
Fan in blue: I just love that Sean Fuller guy...
Fan in green: I'm a big Itsumade fan...
Fan off-camera: You know who's really the best? Dangerous Dan.
~The camera pans out to show The Big Bifford standing with the smoking fans~
Smith: oh for the love of God...
Hood: BIFF - BORROW A CIGARETTE FOR ME!
Smith: He can't hear you... this is segment #5 of Bifford harassing people...
~Bifford reaches into his duffel bag and begins pulling out Dangerous Dan t-shirts~
Bifford: I happen to have one of these for each of you.. no need to thank me... just remember this moment the next time Dangerous Dan comes out to the ring... He's the Lightweight Champion, you know... best wrestler in OCW.
~The fans look at Bifford with apprehension, but take his t-shirts~
Smith: Please let this be the last one of these....
Hood: Where's my cigarette?
Smith: Don't worry.. Bifford will smoke enough for both of you....
Hood: He truly is an American Icon and Hero for Children everywhere
Smith: Uhh, sure…
Smith: Up next folks is a match featuring two men who almost won their matches at Clash at the Coast but just came up very short.
Hood: Both these men are fucking pissed, looking for revenge and neither man wants to go on a losing streak!
Smith: Indeed!
~“Smart Went Crazy” by Atmosphere begins to blast bass out of the PA was Bob Grenier steps out from the back. He walks down to the ring to the beat of his music as he rolls into the ring and raises his arms in the air. He stretches the ropes and relaxes in one of the corners awaiting his opponent~
Belvedere: The following contest is a singles match scheduled for one fall… introducing first, from Timmins, Ontario, Canada, standing 6 feet 2 inches and weighing in tonight at 222 pounds… BOB GRENIER!!!
~Grenier’s music fades as the "Nexus" starts to play as the lights go out. A spotlight shines down on the entrance and Sean Fuller emerges with his newest adviser Celeste Cooper following not far behind. She steps out to Sean's left applauding him and smiling in his direction as the arena is silent. Sean stands on the stage surveying the crowd from left to right with a menacing, dark smile; dressed in a long black coat and jet black wrestling tights but is also supporting a rather large knee brace. Sean takes it all on and finishes his surveillance of the crowd then proceeds to make his way to the ring with Celeste not far behind him~
Belvedere: And his opponent… being accompanied to the ring by his advisor Celeste Cooper, from Parts Unknown, standing in at 6 feet 4 inches and weighing in tonight at 245 pounds, he is one half of Victory Denied… SEAN FULLER!!!
~The bell rings as Fuller and Grenier begin with a stare off before the two of them lock up in the center of the ring. Fuller gets the advantage with a quick headlock until Grenier pushes him off to the ropes causing Fuller to bounce back and shoulder Grenier hard. Grenier doesn’t fall however as he smirks at Fuller, angering him to no end. Grenier riles Fuller up by taunting him over his failed shoulder as Fuller bounces off the ropes again and hits Grenier even harder but Grenier doesn’t budge. Fuller goes for one more but Grenier side steps, Fuller bounces back and with a swift kick in the gut to Fuller, Grenier executes a quick snap suplex. Grenier gets up and stomps on Fuller but Fuller rolls out of the ring and regroups outside. Grenier doesn’t waste any time as he follows Fuller and clubs him one on the side of the head. Fuller retaliates with a strong elbow to the chest and then takes Grenier’s head and smashes it on the ring barricade. Fuller grabs Grenier by his long hair and rolls him back into the ring as Fuller allows Grenier to get up before hitting him with a fury of punches and elbows and then plants him with a lariat~
Smith: Sean Fuller, despite his injuries, look good early on
Hood: Yea, his hair is exquisite tonight
Smith: I was speaking more along the lines of his in ring work
Hood: His hair is inside the ring
Smith: Fair enough
~Fuller stares down at Grenier for a moment before jumping and landing a knee to Grenier’s throat and holds it there as Grenier chokes for air. The referee comes over and counts up to four and half before Fuller releases the hold, as the ref is now warning Fuller. Fuller then proceeds to wash his elbow in the face of Grenier, which produces another four count from the ref and another warning as Fuller stops. Fuller picks Grenier up, whips him into the ropes and as Grenier bounces back and is hit was a forearm to the head. Grenier holds his head but remains up as Fuller kicks him in the gut and sends him to the ground for a DDT. Fuller goes for a quick pin~
1…
Smith: Sean Fuller tried to end it there by Grenier was not ready to be pinned
Hood: I honestly think its stupid to come back this quick from a brutal match but, hey, nobody accused of the OCW roster leading the world in cumulative IQs
Smith: Rather rude statement
Hood: Just stating the obvious
~Grenier kicks out before the second hand can slap the mat as he rolls away from Fuller and gets to his feet in one of the corners. Fuller goes for a big boot but Grenier ducks and Fullers leg goes over the turnbuckle so it’s in an awkward position. Grenier comes from behind and german suplexes Fuller to the ground. He attempts to go for another suplex but is met with a Fuller elbow to the nose. Grenier stumbles back holding his nose as Fuller bounces off the ropes and hits a running knee strike, which places Grenier resting on the ropes. Fuller grabs Grenier by a lock of hair as he flips him into a sitting position and then proceeds to kick Grenier’s back continuously~
Smith: Sean Fuller continues to take Grenier to task
Hood: To task…is that like a work shop or maybe like a fun plex with go karts and miniature golf?
Smith: No, it means he’s working him over
Hood: Eww
Smith: NOT LIKE THAT
~Fuller walks always for a moment, as if to give Grenier a moment to collect himself but as he gets up Fuller locks in a sleeper hold! Grenier is struggling to get air as he begins to point at something, furiously and screaming. The ref takes his eyes off the action for one second and this allows Grenier to use his leg and kicks it between Fuller’s legs. Fuller falls to his good knee as Grenier turns around and goes a small drop kick to Fuller’s braced knee, shooting pain everywhere. Grenier goes to work on Fuller’s leg by first delivering a fury of kicks to it before dropping an elbow on it and wrapping his arm around it, applying a hold of the braced knee. Fuller grunts in pain as he kicks Grenier in the back a couple of time, which causes him to let go of the hold. Grenier gets to his feet as does Fuller, who applies a standing headlock but is then bounced off the ropes and when he comes back Grenier takes him down with a drop toe hold. Fuller quickly uses his other leg to break the hold and gets up, striking Grenier in the head again with his forearms before apply a wristlock onto Grenier, which is followed by a back heel kick and then with the wristlock still applied, Fuller falls down and applies an arm-bar submission~
Smith: Sean Fuller trying to submit Grenier now
Hood: He enjoys dishing pain out
Smith: So I’ve noticed
Hood: Almost as he loves taking it
Smith: Perhaps
~Fuller releases the hold, allowing Grenier some time to roll on to his back and get some air but then Fuller grabs his legs and twists him around to his stomach again and locks in a cloverleaf! Grenier nudges to the ropes and grabs the bottom one, but Fuller keeps the hold locked in until a four count from the ref. The ref warns Fuller again but goes to see if Grenier is fine as he is holding his leg. Fuller takes this opportunity to remove the protection from the corner to reveal the metal holding the ropes together. The ref yells at Fuller and goes to re-attach the protection, which allows Fuller to grab a steel rod from his knee brace. He goes to strike Grenier with it but Grenier ducks, kicks him in the gut and connects with a northern lights suplex! The ref quickly realises this after a moment and goes for a pin count~
1…
2…
Smith: Wow, Northern Lights out of nowhere for Grenier and he nearly got the win because of it!
Hood: Lopaka rises!
Smith: Indeed!
Hood: Now that’s the Grenier we all saw last Sunday!
~Fuller kicks out and Grenier argues with the ref about how slow he was to start the count. Grenier shakes his head in frustration as he grabs Fuller up and scoop slams him before bouncing off the ropes and hits a leg drop on Fuller’s injured knee brace. Fuller screams out as Grenier goes to work on his leg again but then has a weird look, as he proceeds to rip Fuller’s knee brace out and start to discard some of the items in it. Grenier throw out of the ring a brass knuckles, a packet of asian mist, rope and another steel rod! The ref can only shake his head as Grenier throws them all out of the ring but this causes Fuller to get angry as he tackles Grenier into the corner and begins to unleash a fury of knees and elbows, one that busts Grenier open right over his eyebrow. Fuller then picks Grenier up, sits him on the top turnbuckle and hits a double arm DDT from the top rope! Fuller goes for the pin~
1…
2…
Smith: Double Arm DDT from the top rope!
Hood: Yeouch…but Lopaka kicked out
Smith: We’re not in Hawaii anymore
Hood: So? If someone is born in Hawaii does that mean they cease to exist when they come to Rhode Island?
Smith: Umm, no
Hood: So Lopaka now and Lopaka For…eh…VURRRR
~Grenier kicks out, and frustration begins to show on Fuller, who thought he had the win. Fuller goes for one of his discarded weapons, but the ref is quick to grab it and throw it out of the ring but Fuller tries to take the advantage with washing Grenier’s face with his knee brace but Grenier gets a thumb in Fuller’s eye and pops up for an atomic drop and then bounces off the ropes and does a diving clothesline on Fuller’s bad leg, causing him to fall hard. Grenier flips his hair back with anger and then grabs a hold of Fuller’s leg and applies a single boston crab. Although in a lot of pain, Fuller twists around and kicks Grenier away and Fuller gets up to go for a clothesline but Grenier hooks Fuller’s arm around his neck and lifts him up for a sit out hip toss. Fuller gets up quickly but Grenier kicks him the gut and quickly executes a snap suplex. Fuller is slowing down but gets up once again and Grenier hits another snap suplex. Fuller takes a breather with one knee up but again gets up, showing his endurance, but Grenier hits Fuller with an incredible inverted mat slam that takes him down as he goes for the pin~
1…
2…
Smith: Bob Grenier with another near fall
Hood: Yep, but Fuller kicks out…remember how Pryde couldn’t keep him down…this guy is fucking tough
Smith: Well, we all knew that
~Fuller kicks out as Grenier starts shouting over at Celeste, who puts her hands up in confusion. The ref goes to check and make sure Celeste isn’t breaking any rules and Grenier blow’s a bunch of boogers into his hands and smacks them into Fuller’s face before giving him a massive slap across the face. Fuller kicks him off and rolls out of the ring as Celeste comes over and whips the snot away from his face. Grenier in the ring bounces off the ropes and baseball slides into Fuller’s back and the impact sends Celeste into the announce table and knocks her out! This infuriates Fuller as he head butts Grenier on the outside and then whips him shoulder first into the steel steps! The ref starts a count and he is at two when Fuller goes to slam Grenier’s face into the steps but Grenier blocks it with his foot and slams Fuller’s face instead! Grenier then gives Fuller a taste of his own medicine by applying a quick sleeper hold but then executes a sleeper suplex, with Fuller’s shoulders smashing into the steel steps! The ref reaches a count of seven when Grenier grabs Fuller throws him back into the ring~
Smith: Would’ve been terrible for the match to end that way
Hood: Yes, a travesty against Hawaiians everywhere
Smith: Indeed
Hood: They want their Lopaka to win via pinfall or submission
~Fuller is panting on the mat as Grenier goes for the pin but Fuller in maybe a last burst of energy gets up quickly before a count is made and gets Grenier locked in his dragon sleeper hold and then applies the leg scissors to have Grenier in his ‘Scream For Me’! Grenier is indeed screaming as he finds himself in a situation where he is in the middle of the ring and can’t reach the ropes or move. After about a full minute of being in the hold, Grenier with his free arm punches Fuller a few times before raking his eyes and he breaks it. The ref warns about the eye rake as Fuller goes for a pin~
1…
2…
3- NO!
Smith: Sean Fuller nearly had it!
Hood: He almost defeated the King of Hawaii
Smith: King of Hawaii? Aren’t we taking things a bit far?
Hood: No
~Grenier kicks out at the last minute as Fuller gets up and corners the ref, arguing with him over the count. This allows Celeste on the outside to take one of the steel rods and as Grenier is on his back near the apron catching his breath, Celeste comes by and chokes Grenier with the rod! Grenier clutches at the rod trying to break it but instead brings his foot up and kicks Celeste in the head, causing her to break the hold and fall down holding her head. Grenier gets up and Fuller charges at him for assaulting Celeste but Grenier ducks and bounces off the ropes and clotheslines Fuller down. Fuller is quick again to get back up as Grenier kicks him in the gut and irish whips him into one of the corners. Grenier then punches Fuller about ten times in succession before picking him up and executing his ‘Hollinger Park Hangman’ musclebuster! Fuller collapses on the ring as he goes for the pin~
1…
2…
3- NO!
Smith: Soooo Close!
Hood: Lopaka!
Smith: Yes, Grenier nearly won
Hood: Where is Hollinger Park located in Hawaii?
Smith: I don’t believe it’s in Hawaii
Hood: Erroneous
~Celeste at the last second pulls Grenier out of the ring to stop the count. The ref screams at Celeste for the break as Grenier looks at Celeste with a smirk as he slowly approaches her. She is pleading to Grenier to not do anything as he blows a bunch of snot in his hands and begins to stalk her. Unaware of his movements, Fuller slowly rolls out of the ring and hides behind stele steps as Celeste begins to run away from Grenier who begins to run now too. They make a full circle around the ring outside as Fuller pops up and in quick fashion delivers his ‘Down the Alley’ finisher! Grenier collapses outside the ring as Fuller breathes heavily and tosses Grenier back in the ring. The ref is at a count of seven as Fuller check up on Celeste before re-entering the ring and going for what he hopes is a three count~
1…
2…
Kick Out!!
Smith: Grenier kicks out…this match just keeps going back and forth!
Hood: Yes, the epic battle of Hawaii versus where Fuller is from
Smith: Parts Unknown, I believe
Hood: Oh, so like the projects?
Smith: I don’t know
~Grenier kicks out as Fuller’s face fills with rage. He picks Grenier back up and whips him hard into a corner as he goes for his ‘Bleed for Me’ running high knee and he connects! Grenier stumbles to the middle of the ring as Fuller taunts Grenier and hits the Down the Alley once again. Grenier’s body falls to the ground, motionless, as Fuller goes for the pin~
1…
2…
3!!!
Belvedere: Here is your winner… SEAN FULLER!!!!!
Smith: Wow! Sean Fuller pulled it off!
Hood: Ugh…lopaka…
Smith: It’s fine, Bob Grenier is still a hell of a competitor…it’s just tough bouncing back on such short notice to face a maniac like Fuller.
Hood: …lopaka…
Smith: I can see you’re obviously traumatized…
~Chevelle’s “Take Out the Gunman” controls the sound waves as Treat Cassidy emerges from the back, dressed to impress, he’s wearing an all black suit with matching thin black tie. He saunters down the ramp with a purpose, slapping a few fans high five on his way down. Greiner, collecting his thoughts and recovering from his narrow defeat remains in the ring with Fuller gone. Grenier stops looking at Treat with a weird ‘Da fuck?’ look on his face. Cassidy enters the ring upon being handed a microphone from Belvedere~
~Once in the ring, Greiner gets ready to pummel the much smaller Treat Cassidy, not knowing exactly what to think. Cassidy puts his hand up, saying “Relax, Bob. Easy now.”~
~Treat raises the microphone to his lips~
Cassidy: Close one, Bob! Hard fought! You’ll get him next time!
~Greiner nods, still slightly hanging his head in disappointment. His guard remains slightly up, not knowing if Chad Vargas will pop up somewhere~
Cassidy: Relax, Bob. I don’t want any trouble. I want to talk business.
~Bob looks at him with a skeptical look. Unaware if Chad Vargas is very far behind or any ulterior motive~
Cassidy: Let me just cut to the chase. I’m sick and tired of tuning into OCW and hearing about the Syrens, the Bishops, the Fullers, the Bells. You get the idea. My client Chad Vargas and yourself are two of the top dogs in the OCW right now and are treated less then. You guys aren’t getting the matches and the highlights you truly deserve. You both are referred to as ‘who almost beat Scott Syren to win the Western championship’ – I know you want that to change, and I’m the man who can help you change it. I am offering my services to you, Grenier. Let me represent you, and bring you to the top of the OCW where you belong. I know you are skeptical of the idea because of Vargas, but you two together can swallow Online Championship Wrestling whole. Good versus evil colliding together, co-existing to become a force to be reckoned with. Jesus Christ himself needed Lucifer to become who he became. McDonalds needs Burger King to thrive. I think you get what I’m saying, Bob. Join me, let me represent you and within weeks you will be benefiting from my representation. Together , myself, Chad Vargas, and you. Let’s silence the critics. Live up to the hype, win matches and own championships.
~Cassidy extends his hand to Greiner and awaits his response. Still looking skeptical of Treat Cassidy, Bob slowly sticks out his hand and accepts Cassidy’s offer. They walk backstage together chatting as they go~
Smith: Treat Cassidy obviously taking advantage of Bob Grenier in a moment of weakness
Hood: Cassidy is what Grenier needs…he needs guidance…Lopaka needs it!
Smith: Yea, I don’t know…I feel as though he’s making a deal with the devil
Hood: Hey, if you don’t care about your soul being damned for all eternity..the devil’s not such a bad guy to deal with.
Smith: Now I can see how you got and have held onto this job all these years…let’s go backstage
~Backstage, a calm 'Ripper' Danny B cruises down corridors like a shark, headed nowhere in particular when 'Extreme' by Valora blares to life from his pants pocket. Scrambling into his pocket for the noisy source, he frees his iphone from the confines of his pocket with a smug smile, quickly punching in the unlock code he checks the message...~
"Will see you later than first thought, things look like they're about to pick up here."
~Danny's smug smile grows as he reads the message from the number simply labelled as 'Red', as he goes to return the iPhone back to his pocket before it blares to life again- another message from the same source~
"Oh and btw thanks for the flowers, however you're still a cunt."
~Danny shakes his head with a smile, turning out of camera view with an extra spring in his step as the camera shot returns to ringside~
Smith: Most dysfunctional tag team ever
Hood: Hey, who says you need unity and friendship to be a great tag team…look at the Danger Boiz…they are brothers man, BROTHERS
Smith: True and our champs are still these two
Hood: Damn straight
Smith: Wait a second Hood…I’m being told we have potentially HUGE news backstage!!
Hood: Yusss!
~We cut to the back where Dean is taking care of some business in his office, when suddenly Eliminator barges into the room, officially marking his OCW return after many years~
Eliminator: Hey Dean, it's nice to see you once again.
Dean: I haven't seen you around in ages, sucka. Now, the both of us know that you ain't in here to talk nice to me, so cut the crap and let's get down to business.
Eliminator: Anyway, I had an idea of what would really get people talking about OCW. How exciting would it be to see a returning wrestler win a title in his first match back? I think a legend such as me deserves a title shot, don't you think?
Dean: I don't know what you've been hopped up on since I've seen you last, but you don't just walk back into OCW and demand a title shot, that's bush league stuff, sucka, and you certainly ain't no legend, either. Sucka, I think you need some sense beaten into you, you will be wrestling on next week's Massacre, but it won't be for a title, you gotta prove your worth around here.
Eliminator: Well shit, it was worth a try...
~Eliminator sulks out of Dean's office while Dean returns to taking care of more important business. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: The Eliminator is BACK!
Hood: Wow and he looks bigger than I remember…do you think someone put him on one of those torture racks to make him taller?
Smith: No, Hood…he’s always been tall
Hood: Oh, okay
Smith: But The Eliminator always seemed to be on the cusp of greatness here in OCW and right when it was his moment to shine…this place would shut down. Maybe his time is now?
Hood: Hey, no time like the present
Smith: Well, I for one can’t wait for his debut next week…oh man I’m stoked!
~Dexter’s Theme starts to play over the PA system as The Bounty Hunter walks out on to the stage, whilst dragging Mike by his throat. He walks up to the ring, and throws Mike into it. The Bounty Hunter slowly walks up the steps, and enters the ring through the middle rope. Mike is cowering on the ground, covering his head. The Bounty Hunter slowly walks up to Mike, and slowly walks around him. He asks Belvedere for a mic, and is given one~
The Bounty Hunter: PerZag believes that he can bring his friends with him. That only gives me pleasure. Gives me the pleasure that I am able to do what I like.
~The Bounty Hunter exits the ring, and grabs a chair, throwing it inside the ring~
The Bounty Hunter: There is nothing that anyone can do to stop me. PerZag can try to stop me, but he will not succeed.
~The Bounty Hunter lays the chair next to Mike, who looks up at The Bounty Hunter. Mike pleads with The Bounty Hunter~
The Bounty Hunter: You are pleading now. You are such a coward.
~The Bounty Hunter picks up Mike, and DDTs him on to the steel chair. Mike stops moving, and just lays on top of the steel chair~
The Bounty Hunter: This is how I have fun.
~The Bounty Hunter picks up the lifeless Mike, and delivers a Powerbomb on the steel chair~
The Bounty Hunter: You should never have sided with PerZag. Sorry, Mike. This is the end.
~The Bounty Hunter picks up Mike, and delivers the Tombstone on the steel chair. Mike lays on his back, unconscious~
The Bounty Hunter: That is how I make a statement. The statement will continue...right now.
~The Bounty Hunter picks up Mike again. Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor starts to play over the PA system as PerZag runs down into the ring. The Bounty Hunter drops Mike, and runs off into the crowd, still holding the microphone~
The Bounty Hunter: Sorry, PerZag. You won’t get to fight me right now. Wait until later tonight, when I defeat you for that title you carry.
~PerZag starts to yell at The Bounty Hunter, who throws the microphone into the ring and walks off. PerZag looks over to Mike as medics rush into the ring, moving Mike onto a stretcher. PerZag walks over to Mike as his body is moved onto the stretcher and then is taken backstage, with PerZag staying close by~
Smith: PerZag is angry now
Hood: Is that match next?
Smith: No, we are still a little ways away from it…but it’s building into something spectacular
Hood: Or at least, really solid
~The camera focuses in on the announce table where Smith and Hood are seated~
Smith: What a night of action we've seen so far here tonight...
Hood: And it's just going to get better as we head toward Sinful Nature. I can't wait.
Smith: One thing you must ask yourself, though, is...
~The crowd behind Smith and Hood begin going insane and cheering. Smith stops talking and turns to look behind himself. Hood looks back too. The crowd parts and The Big Bifford walks to the barricade behind the announcers~
Smith: Oh... of course... we need to see more Bifford...
Hood: BIFF! BIFF! Do you have a hot dog and cigarette for me?
Bifford: Nope, but I've got something even better!
Smith: Let me guess...
~Bifford reaches into his duffel bag and pulls out two giant Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirts and hands them to Hood and Smith~
Bifford: Now... I want you guys to practice... when Dangerous Dan comes out... you have to hurry and put these t-shirts on and cheer him. He's the best wrestler in the world. Better than Syren, better than Ian the Bishop, better than Chad Vargas, better than Lurrr, better than Bob Grenier. Dangerous Dan is the best wrestler EVER. IN THE WORLD.
Smith: What is this ploy all about Bifford?
Hood: Thanks Biff! This is awesome!
~Bifford turns around and begins handing t-shirts out to the front-row fans as Smith turns back around toward the table~
Smith: Well... back to reality...
Hood: Put on your t-shirt, Smith...
Smith: I said back to reality as we head backstage
~Ana is caught backstage pulling a little Radio Flyer red wagon full of books behind her~
Ana Archia: I'll teach that Zaggy dude who is truly unworthy. I am the QUEEN Raviolis Huntress of all the land.
~Serena jumps out from around the corner scaring her friend. She laughs as she helps Ana try not to fall over~
Ana Archia: You know better than to scare me, girly!
Serena: My bad, so what's up?
Ana Archia: SH! Keep your voice down!
Serena: Why?
Ana Archia: THEY...
~She steps aside waving her hands towards her little red wagon~
Serena: Books?
Ana Archia: They have names you know... that one is Huck Finn, there's a Tom Sawyer, and Little Red Riding Hood... anyway they are napping so keep your voice down.
Serena: Okay...
Ana Archia: So did you talk to Dean-o? When do I get to add Perzag's Internet Championship to my ULTIMATE OCW Women's Championship?
Serena: Just added the ultimate part?
Ana Archia: it's true, very true.
Serena: I haven't found him yet. I think he knows we are friends and is hiding from me.
Ana Archia: Then I say we find his locker room and my friends here will teach him who to and not to ignore!
Serena: Oh boy... this shouldn't get us kicked out of the building.
Ana Archia: My friends are willing to make that sacrifice.
Serena: You're going to throw books at him aren't you?
Ana Archia: Well they are just babies... they haven't grown their arms and legs yet!
Serena: How about we find a shelf for your 'friends' to sleep on instead?
Ana Archia: OH COOL! My very own shelf!
Serena: Yes, you've really come up in the world.
Ana Archia: The perks of being OCW's greatest and most fantabulous Women's Champion. I told you the story of how I defeated fifty million other women to win my belt right?
Serena: I thought it was thousand?
Ana Archia: Nope, pretty sure it's always been fifty million... oh and don't forget to talk to Dean-o about my match. Perzag and I must engage in FISTACUFFS OF THE SOUL!
Serena: I won't even ask.
~Serena picks up the handle to Ana's little red radio flyer wagon handing it off then walking off with her; guiding her and making sure she doesn't wander off on her own. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: I don’t know how much longer I can work here
Hood: Don’t worry, Smith…Ehud is next!
Smith: *sigh*
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall…
~”Fuck Was I” by Jenny Owen Young begins to play as the crowd gives a nice ovation for the sheriff of Moab, Utah…Ehud. He makes his way to the ring, enters and gets his fists up…ready for action~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Moab, Utah…standing 5’5.75” and weighing in at 140lbs…Ehud of Moab!!
~ The lights dim in the arena, after a second of stillness, the first words of Xandria's "Ravenheart" echo around the arena~
"Come to me, Ravenheart, messenger of Evil..."
~The crowd cheer as The Ripper Danny B steps out from behind the curtain, turning his back on the crowd and stretching his arms out in a signature pose, he turns back, a smile etched on his painted face. He screams into the crowd, before jumping onto the nearest guard rail and falling backwards, allowing the crowd to surf him around the arena. He surfs all the way around the arena, having the crowd put him down onto the rail by the stage again. He removes his trench coat, throwing it into the crowd. He jumps back onto the entrance way, and with one more scream, bolts towards the ring, sliding in under the bottom, he jumps up, sprinting across the ring, bounces back off the ropes, before finally sliding into the corner, waiting, seated with his back against the turnbuckles, arms resting on the ropes~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Brighton, England…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 201lbs…he is one half of the OCW Tag Team Champions… “The Ripper” Danny B!!!
~Belvedere exits the ring as the bell sounds, signaling the start of the match~
Smith: Interesting match up here…
Hood: Not really, Ehud has sucked lately
Smith: Rumor has it Ehud has gotten his act together…he apparently dropped his drug toting sidekick and is seeing things with a clearer mind and more focused intensity.
Hood: He’s still old as fuck
Smith: Yes, he is still very old
~Ehud has his fists up as he steps towards Danny and yells for Danny to fight him like a man. Danny puts his fists up, obliging the old man for some reason. Perhaps just for the hell of it…who knows? Ehud throws a punch that Danny dodges easily…Danny responds with a jab…Ehud ducks and he nails Danny in the gut with a right hand. Danny staggers back and his face would suggest he’s going to take this a bit more seriously. Danny throws a combo…Ehud blocks it and responds with a jab to Danny’s face. Danny stumbles back and grabs his mouth in pain with a look of frustration beginning to mount~
Smith: Perhaps The Ripper is rethinking this strategy…
Hood: I don’t know why you would box Ehud…I’m not sure the guy knows any actual wrestling moves.
Smith: Indeed…I can’t recall ever seeing him do anything other than punching and pinning
Hood: Exactly so quit boxing with him
Smith: Agreed
~Danny lifts his fists back up showing himself to be a bit stubborn. He approaches Ehud as Ehud throws a punch, Danny blocks it and then headbutts Ehud in the face!! The fans let out a few boos as Ehud stumbles into the corner. Danny rushes in and spears Ehud into the corner. He then starts to punch Ehud in the head as the crowd is clearly behind the old sheriff~
Smith: Well, he must have heard us
Hood: Atta boy Danny…fuck him up!
Smith: He didn’t have to be so sneaky about it.
Hood: Everything he did was legal, Smith. If Ehud can’t handle it, perhaps he should join some old man boxing league.
~Danny whips Ehud out of the corner and Ehud runs…as fast as he can…across the ring. Danny paces behind him. Ehud SLAMS front first into the corner as Danny hooks him from behind, lifts him up and tosses him with a Release German Suplex!! Ehud lands on his head and is motionless as the fans fear for the seniors safety~
Smith: I don’t think Ehud can take many falls like that…
Hood: Are you kidding me? He fights a time traveling Grimace…what’s a drop on the head?
Smith: I’m just saying…eighty year old men shouldn’t be thrown on their heads.
Hood: Yea and they shouldn’t be wrestling either…but this is OCW…the fuck ya gonna do
~Danny heads over to Ehud’s folded up body and he instantly lifts him up for a powerbomb…Ehud, though, lands a direct left punch to the forehead of Danny! Danny drops Ehud and Ehud runs into the ropes…he shoots off and goes for a running Biblical Left Hook!! Danny ducks! Ehud hits the ropes again as Danny turns around and he drops Ehud with Ripper’s Blade(Superman Lariat)!! Ehud falls back quickly and with great force as Danny goes for the pin, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Somehow, Ehud powered out of that pinfall
Hood: He’s grizzled and tough and used to facing purple monsters
Smith: Indeed
~Danny gets back to his feet and he heads for the nearest corner…waiting for Ehud to reach his feet. Danny crouches down, readying to spring out of the corner for his patented Spear into Ehud’s gut. Ehud reaches his feet and has his back to Danny. He slowly turns around as the fans yell for Ehud to pay attention. Danny sprints out of his corner for the spear…Ehud, though, shows tremendous instincts and sticks his left fist out and he punches Danny right in the face!! Danny’s body collapses to the ring as does Ehud’s…the fans start to chant for Ehud with both men on the mat~
Smith: Ehud with a great counter! What a left punch!
Hood: I wonder if he knocked any teeth out
Smith: For Danny B’s sake…I hope not
Hood: Not like he was going to score with Amber Ryan anyway
~Ehud crawls over to Danny B and rolls him onto his stomach. Ehud gets on top of Danny B and quickly locks in the Moab Mule!! Danny B starts to squirm around in pain looking for the ropes in an attempt to break the hold. Scruff bends over and asks Danny B if he wants to give it up…Danny B shakes his head ‘No’ as Ehud continues to crank back, applying more pressure~
Smith: The Moab Mule!! This typically signifies the beginning of the end!
Hood: Okay, so we were wrong…Ehud does know ONE wrestling maneuver
Smith: A camel clutch…vicious maneuver
Hood: I wouldn’t go so far as to call it ‘vicious’…but it can fuck up your neck and your back
Smith: And how is that not vicious?
Hood: I’d actually be more concerned that an 80 year old man is squatting on my back, to be honest.
Smith: Gross
~Ehud continues to lean back as Danny lowers his head like he’s about to pass out. He then slowly lifts it up with determination in his eyes. Danny places his palms on the mat and starts to push himself up with the extremely light Ehud on his back. Danny reaches his feet with Ehud clinging to his back. Ehud throws a couple of punches into the side of Danny’s head…Danny wobbles…he then sits out and jams the top of his head into Ehud’s jaw!! Ehud staggers back against the ropes as Danny springs to his feet…he grabs Ehud’s head and drops him to the mat with the RKS!!! Ehud flops over onto his back as Danny goes for the pin…Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings as Danny gets to his feet with his arm raised in victory~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…one half of the OCW Tag Team Champions… “THE RIPPER” DANNY B!!!!!
Smith: Wow, tremendous win for Danny B!
Hood: Fucking Ehud brought it tonight
Smith: That he did…but Danny B turned in perhaps his best performance of his OCW career and was able to outlast the sheriff of Moab.
Hood: It’s that white face paint, man…he’s like the anti TLS
Smith: Perhaps…well, huge win for Danny B…
~Danny B is getting ready to leave the ring when all of a sudden the big screen flashes showing a pre-recorded video tape with yesterday’s date stamped on it. It shows the local hospital in its chaotic state but then Sean Fuller and Ian Bishop are shown walking down the hall as the crowd boos manically. Fuller and Bishop enter a room with the tag “Amber Ryan” on it and they enter with Amber sleeping, only her red hair showing from the sheets. Fuller and Bishop laugh at one another as they step up close to the bed~
Ian Bishop: Aww… isn’t this cute. Amber getting some shut eye from the ass whooping we gave her a week ago. Hell, Pryde did a number on your leg yet you’re still standing.
Sean Fuller: I wonder if she’d like it if I tickled her toes…
Ian Bishop: She’s a feisty one alright.
Sean Fuller: At least we’ll be taking care of her and getting her out of the equation.
Ian Bishop: That’s right so when Sinful Nature rolls around, Danny will have to defend the titles all by himself… so wakey wakey Amber, time for another ass kicking!
~Bishop flips the sheets up rapidly and then the crowd begins to laugh as a mannequin is shown under the sheets with the words “Fuck You And Your VD” sprawled on the chest of the mannequin.
Ian Bishop: Son of a bit--
~Unbeknownst to Bishop or Fuller and while they've been briefly preoccupied with the decoy, Amber has snuck out from presumably the closet in the corner. Tightly grasping a half-filled syringe, Amber strikes in silence- sticking the needle into the side of Fuller's neck and transferring the unknown clear fluid into his flailing, outraged body. As Fuller struggles to withdraw the syringe, Amber turns her attention to Bishop- his expression changing from surprise to rage at having been outplayed. Before a word can exit his mouth, Amber has unleashed a kick with all the force she can muster, aimed directly between the uprights... As connection is made, Bishop collapses with a pained groan, air involuntarily escaping his lungs from the trauma to his genitalia. Amber manages a smile as she clutches at her back~
Amber: Surprise... motherfucker!
~Amber continues to kick Bishop while he’s down as Fuller takes the syringe out of his neck and crawls away from the action. Amber is washing her boot into Ian’s face as numerous amounts of curse words are uttered. Bishop punches her in the leg, causing her to retreat for a moment as Bishop gets up and tries looking for a weapon but Amber grabs a nearby medical drawer and throws it right into Bishop’s face! The impact causes Bishop to fly over the hospital bed and knocking the bedside table out and Bishop falls back to the floor again. Amber circles around and continues to spam Bishop with kicks to his groin, causing Bishop to scream with higher octaves than usual. Out of nowhere though Fuller smashes Amber in the face with a full bed pan as bodily fluids flies throughout the room and Amber collapses on the bed. Fuller helps Bishop up, who is still moaning from the genital shots. Bishop is catching his breath as Fuller demands to know what Amber’s problem is they were just coming to deliver balloons and a giant stuffed teddy bear (neither of which they possess). Sean folds Amber over the end of the bed and looks around for a defibrillator and then leaves the room to fetch one, but comes back with one of those roller thingies you hang IV bags off of and cracks it across Amber’s back and then goes to stab it through her knee, but instead decides to put her head through that nice window she probably demand her room has. Sean cradles Amber up in his arms like a newborn baby and tells her “there, there” then drops her in a plastic trash receptacle and looks for a way to tie it shut and does exactly that~
Sean Fuller: And that’s for forgetting my CHEESEBURGER you faux ginger whore!
~Bishop, panting and holding his balls, turns to Fuller~
Ian Bishop: She’s dealt with… now onto Danny…
~Fuller and Bishop leave the hospital room, with the last shot being Amber’s body upside down inside the trash receptacle as the feed crackles and goes back to Massacre. Danny, who is furious inside the ring, rolls out and begins running backstage and searching through all the rooms for Victory Denied~
Danny B: You guys better be gone or else I’m going to make sure you two don’t walk again!
~Danny turns a corner to continue looking for Victory Denied but is caught off guard at the sight of MJ Bell and the two just kind of stand there. MJ is smiling up at him almost daring him to take a shot at her, but he doesn’t. MJ strikes Danny across the face and slowly he pulls it back looking like he is ready to strike her himself when Sean steps in from behind with a sack full of cheeseburgers in one hand and a tire iron in the other. He sets down the sack and strikes Danny in the back of the head after gripping the tire iron in both hands. Sean tosses MJ the tire iron and then pushes his heavily braced knee into Danny’s head while applying an arm bar submission. MJ gets in several shots with the tire iron to Danny’s ribs. Sean removes his belt and wraps it around Danny’s neck and proceeds to drag him down the hall. Sean points back at MJ and then gives her the thumbs up. MJ runs as fast as she can and dropkicks Danny B between the legs! Sean removes his belt from Danny’s neck and walks away with MJ by his side who mentions he still has to return Finn to her, but that gets ignored obviously. Bishop comes out from the shadows, embraces a hug from MJ and shakes Fuller’s hand. He turns to Danny, spits on his body as the three of them walk off, the final shot of the carnage sustained to Danny as the camera cuts to ringside~
Smith: Victory Denied making a statement
Hood: More like Victory Celebration Denied
Smith: Uh Huh
Hood: Or Post Victory Bash Denied
Smith: That’s enough, let’s cut backstage
~Backstage, seated at a folding table reading a magazine in his face paint, is The Lost Soul. He sits there reading a fishing magazine and looking slightly lonely. A large shadow covers him and he looks up. The camera pans out to show The Big Bifford is there with him~
Smith: ... the Lost Soul... reading a fishing magazine... and now Bifford... this is... so weird....
Hood: The Lost Soul and Bifford feuded over the GCWA World Heavyweight title a few years back when Bifford held that belt! Bifford always won, by the way...
Smith: Are you being prompted by Bifford to point that out?
Hood: Bifford beat The Lost Soul. Every time.
Smith: Ugh...
~Bifford smiles at TLS and TLS shakes his head~
TLS: Yes? What do you want?
~TLS sounds like he holds a great amount of disdain for Bifford~
Bifford: Hi buddy... Remember that time back in GCWA that I stole your soul? That's when you started calling yourself The Lost Soul...
TLS: That never happened...
Bifford: Yes it did... and now I've got a present for you... it's not quite your soul... but it's something very important...
~Bifford reaches inside his duffel bag~
Smith: It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure what Bifford is giving him...
~Bifford pulls out a Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirt and hands it to TLS~
TLS: Isn't it about time you retire?
Bifford: Never! I'm just here to spread the GOOD NEWS... the Good News of Dangerous Dan! Best. Wrestler. Ever.
~TLS just shakes his head and goes back to his magazine. Bifford walks away. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Well, I’m glad we were all able to witness that
Hood: Valuable information, Smith…something the kids at home can soak up and really learn from
Smith: I fear for our future
Hood: Not I…as long as GREAT men like Bifford and Richard roam the earth…we are okay
Smith: And Syren?
Hood: Oh yes, how could I forget about Syren…protecting people from the dangers of giant birds and zookeepers
Smith: Yes…well I am ready for something serious…I am ready…what’s that…OH YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME
Hood: What?
Smith: MORE BIFFORD SHENANIGANS
Hood: YES!
~In the backstage area there is a cow with a shepherd standing around outside the locker room~
Smith: What the hell is going on?
Hood: There's a cow... and a shepherd... you know... just like usual.
Smith: Just like usual? There's usually a cow and a shepherd outside of the locker room?
Hood: Well.. you know... this is Rhode Island...
Smith: What does that mean?
Hood: Um.. Well.. you know...
Smith: You have no explanation for this. Do you?
Hood: Oh look! Now it makes sense.
~A large shadow is cast over the cow and his Shepherd. Bifford walks into the scene~
Smith: Oh son of a...
Bifford: Hey guys... cow... shepherd... how's it going?
Shepherd: I don't understand why I'm in a shepherd costume.... or why I don't have sheep...
Bifford: Shut up and help me get this t-shirt on the cow...
~Bifford reaches into his duffel bag and pulls out a Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirt and looks at the cow~
Shepherd: Uh.. dude... cows don't have arms. Just legs. You can't put a t-shirt on them...
~Bifford reaches into his duffel bag and pulls out some duct tape. He duct tapes the t-shirt to the side of the cow and walks away~
Shepherd: Somebody needs to pay me for being here... I'm a very important actor!
Smith: That guy is never going to get paid...
Hood: Definitely not... but that cow looks sharp in that t-shirt...
Smith: The PETA people aren't going to be happy.... let's get back to reality...
~ “Gangsta's Paradise” by Coolio begins blaring over the speakers and The Big Bifford makes his way down to the ring. He's still wearing the giant DANGEROUS DAN RULES t-shirt. The fans boo as the big man climbs in the ring~
Smith: WHAT? NO MORE! STOP! I SUBMIT!
Hood: Alright, now the show is getting good!
Smith: This is the NINTH TIME he's been on television tonight...
Hood: You're all about facts and numbers, aren't you?
~The Big Bifford gets a microphone from Belvedere and stands in the middle of the ring~
Bifford: Ladies and gentlemen... for those of you who have been under a rock for the past 15 years... my name is The Big Bifford.... I'm an OCW Hall of Famer, former OCW World Champion, former GCWA World Champion, former GCWA Xtreme Champion - I beat Lurrr for that title by the way, former OCW President, and am pretty much the greatest wrestler to ever step in the ring... A real gangsta.
~Bifford bows as the crowd boos~
Bifford: But I'm here tonight to tell you about a wrestler far greater than I... I am here to talk about Dangerous Dan.
~The crowd boos at Bifford some more~
Bifford: Dangerous Dan, who holds an amazing record of 6 wins and 6 losses here in OCW, is the Lightweight Champion... and he's pretty much the greatest wrestler in the universe. When that man gets in this ring, nobody stands a chance... except those six people who have beaten him over the past few months...
~Bifford smirks~
Bifford: But that doesn't matter.. what matters is that all of you love Dangerous Dan! Now, join me in this chant... DAN-GER-OUS-DAN! DAN-GER-OUS-DAN! DAN-GER-OUS-DAN!
~The crowd does not chant along with Bifford, and instead boos his antics~
Bifford: What? Are you booing Dangerous Dan? Do you hate Dangerous Dan?
~The crowd boos at Bifford more~
Bifford: Well... that's insane... what am I going to do with all of these FREE T-SHIRTS?
~Bifford points to the ramp and Earl the Undead Popcorn Salesman wheels out a dumpster full of Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirts~
Bifford: Do you want free t-shirts?!
~The crowd cheers~
Bifford: Then I want you to join me in this chant... BIFFORD IS AWESOME! BIFFORD IS AWESOME! BIFFORD IS AWESOME!
~The crowd chants along with Bifford, blinded by their desire for free attire~
~Bifford laughs into the microphone~
Bifford: Stupid sheep... have your t-shirts...
~A plethora of OCW stagehands run out onto the ramp and begin throwing the hundreds of free t-shirts to the crowd. Bifford walks up the ramp, still holding his microphone~
Bifford: By the way... Dean won't give me all of the time that I wanted on tonight's show to promote Dangerous Dan... so I've purchased a 30 minute infomercial slot immediately after tonight's event! Stay tuned after the television show for Big-Bifford-Awesomeness.
Smith: HOW MUCH TIME DOES BIFFORD NEED?
Hood: Apparently 30 minutes longer than Dean will let him have...
~Bifford exits the ringside area~
Smith: This man... this man is insane.. Can we please just get back to some normalness around here?
Hood: Never.
Smith: I just need to sit here for a moment..sit here in silence to allow all of this Biffordness to wash away…I’m truly maxed out on Biffness
Hood: Cool, I can play Angry Birds on my phone or something
Smith: Alright, let’s sit in silence for like ten minutes so I can overcome my Bifford frustrations
~Smith and Hood sit in absolute silence for nearly seven minutes~
Smith: Okay, I feel better now…folks, let’s head backstage before our Main Event!
~In the backstage area a Mariachi band is playing some joyful music just outside the locker room area~
Smith: What.. why...
Hood: It's a joyful day, Smith! Stop being such a buzzkill...
Smith: Mariachi bands... backstage.... This only happens rarely...
Hood: Maybe El Linchador is back...
~The mariachi band continues playing when a group of fishermen, with their fishing poles and nets come and stand next to them~
Smith: This is really strange...
Hood: What? You've never seen fishermen and mariachi bands hanging out together? This happens all the time...
Smith: Where the hell do you hang out when you're not here?
~The fishermen just stand there awkwardly with the band. Then The Big Bifford walks up~
Smith: Oh for *BEEP*'s sake... I should have *BEEP*ing known...
Hood: Bifford - bring me some fish tacos!
Smith: I'm not sure if that's racist or not...
~Bifford walks up and silences the mariachi band by raising his hand~
Bifford: You gentlemen... you gentlemen are in for a treat... I've got T-SHIRTS FOR EVERYONE!
~Bifford begins reaching into his duffel bag and pulling out DANGEROUS DAN RULES t-shirts and handing them out~
Bifford: Forget all about your love of Mia Stone or Mark Storm or Bobbinette Carey or Pryde... the best wrestler in OCW is clearly Dangerous Dan. He's 6-6 and he's Lightweight Champion OF THE WORLD...
~The musicians and fishermen take the t-shirts apprehensively. Then Bifford signals the band to begin playing again and starts dancing. The fishermen watch him awkwardly as the scene changes to the arena~
Hood: Bifford DANCIN' IT UP!
Smith: This... this... why....
Hood: You seem flustered..
Smith: THAT MAN IS MAKING A MOCKERY OF OUR COMPANY!
Hood: Why?
Smith: HE JUST KEEPS DOING... WEIRD THINGS!
Hood: Calm down... let's get back to reality...
Smith: I’m about to lose it…seriously, I am
Hood: Oh, hey! Look! President Dean is in the ring!
Smith: What? He is? That stealthy man!
~We focus on the ring to find OCW President Dean standing in the middle of it with a microphone in his hand. The crowd is cheering the returning OCW Owner as he waits a few moments before the cheers and chants die out before speaking~
Dean: It is great to be back here in front of you suckas…truthfully. I missed you guys…
~”Dean!” chants emanate throughout the Rhode Island arena as the OCW President takes a moment to soak them in before getting down to business~
Dean: I appreciate the show of support…I really do, but we need to get down to business, suckas. The most pressing issue which comes to mind is that of Richard headlining Sinful Nature with Lurrr for the North Eastern Title.
~”Dick!” chants break out as Dean looks amusingly confused~
Dean: Is that Richard’s nickname or are you guys scolding Lurrr for his last act as President? Either way…nothing against Richard, but something needs to be done about this Main Event. I would approach Lurrr but, well…first, I don’t want to get arrested for assault and, second, there’s no way he’s ever going to remove himself from a Pay Per View Main Event. So…that leaves one alternative…Richard…would you please come down here
~The arena goes silent when, suddenly, “#1” by Nelly blasts throughout the arena. Several of the fans start to dance around, holding up “Richard is #1” posters…there’s even a “#1 Dick in OCW” poster~
~Richard emerges from behind the curtain with a swarm of women dancing around him. He has a band-aid under his left eye…a Sinful Nature basketball jersey on and baggy shorts with high top sneakers. Richard also has a pair of cheap, knock off shades on as he bobs his head up and down, flashing hand signals. The girls grind on him as he dances his way to the ring. Richard and his female entourage enter the ring…Richard dances, grinding up against the girls and throwing his hands up in the air. Dean leans back in a corner with his arms folded, waiting for Richard’s little ‘party’ to end~
Smith: A little over the top
Hood: Seriously? He’s #1, Smith…might as well celebrate…the era of Richard is officially upon us!
Smith: The beginning of the end
~The female entourage forms a circle around Richard as he continues to dance. He’s in the middle of the circle along with a gorgeous blonde. The blond puts her hand on Richard’s shoulder, kisses him on the mouth and then goes down on Richard. Dean’s eyes widen as he throws his head back in shock. Richard smiles and puts his right hand down, presumably on top of her head as she goes to town. The crowd mostly goes wild aside from a few of the prudish women thinking this is totally unnecessary and appalling. They are immediately evacuated from the arena for being stupid. Dean realizes this might take awhile…so he exits the ring and begins to sign autographs, waiting for Richard’s moment of pleasure to come to a close~
Smith: Give me a break! This is right up there with the Whack off match…or Pete Parker’s home ‘video’
Hood: Ahh, good times indeed…Richard at least has more stamina than Scoot ever did
Smith: That’s not saying much
Hood: Gotta love OCW, Smith…we objectify women and are damn proud of it!
Smith: You are a sick man who is destined to be lonely
Hood: Meaning financially secure
~Finally, the girl finishes as she stands up, wipes her bottom lip and then plants another kiss on Richard’s mouth. He slaps her on the ass and pinches several more asses as the women vacate the ring. Dean steps back inside the with the mic…Richard extends his hand for Dean to shake…Dean pats him on the head instead~
Dean: Richard, nice to see you in such good spirits tonight…
~Richard asks for the mic, Dean places it in front of his mouth~
Richard: I’m Number One!
Dean: I heard the song, Richard
~He asks for the mic again~
Richard: I AM Number One!
Dean: Technically, Richard, you aren’t number one until you beat Lurrr at Sinful Nature.
~Richard seems confused and starts to recite the lyrics to Nelly’s hit song under his breath as Dean gives it a minute before speaking again~
Dean: Listen, Richard…I have a proposition for you.
~Outside of the ring, Hood is flashing money at Richard’s women~
Smith: I think Dean is attempting to sway Richard out of the Main Event spot in Sinful Nature…Hood, what do you think? Hood? HOOD?!
~Smith’s voice does some kind of creepy shriek, causing the females to scurry to the other side of the ring. Hood is not pleased~
Hood: For fucks sake, Smith…you ran them off.
Smith: Good, maybe now you can focus on your job
Hood: Oh yea, breaking down a Richard segment…because that’s seriously a job for two people.
~Richard holds up one finger to the crowd, several of them chant “Number 1!” as Richard turns around, looking at Dean. He points at the crowd~
Dean: Yes Richard, I’m aware that we were selling dollar pints for tonight’s event. Now, listen…I know you’ve got your little heart set on being the number one contender at Sinful Nature. Just like how you had your heart set on being a Stand Up Comedian. Just like how you had your heart set on being a Rap star. Just like how you had your heart set on being a Rodeo Clown. Just like…well, you see where this is going, right? How about I give you a real opportunity…something that won’t end in disaster…how does that sound?
~Richard ponders Dean’s question…along with life and perhaps the next presidential race. Who knows, it’s fucking Richard~
Dean: I mean, a true competitor would want to EARN their spot in the main event, right? To show they truly belong, ya know? Now, I’m not one to just ask a person to put something like this up for grabs without a guarantee in return. So, let’s make a deal…if you agree to wrestler PerZag next week for your spot at Sinful Nature…then…
~Dean lowers his head and winces…almost as if his head hurts trying to push the words from his brain out of his mouth~
Dean: I will appoint out as OCW’s newest Commissioner. Yes…Commissioner Richard. Win or lose, the spot is yours. What do you say?
~Richard stops…the crowd starts to encourage him to take it…Richard looks at the girls and they all flash money signs…signaling women dig a guy with power and money. Richard then looks to Dean and nods, approvingly~
Dean: Alright! So, next week it will be Richard taking on PerZag with the main event of Sinful Nature on the line!
~Richard jumps up and goes to shake Dean’s hand…Dean shakes, instinctively. Richard then rushes out of the ring as Dean looks at his hand in disgust and wipes it on his pants. Richard dances to the back with his girls as Dean exits the ring and follows slowly…far behind them~
Smith: HUGE announcement…PerZag now has the chance to headline his first ever OCW Pay Per View!
Hood: One of the most tradition rich Pay Per Views at that, Sinful Nature.
Smith: Against arguably OCW’s biggest star ever…Lurrr
Hood: But, hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves…Richard could win
Smith: Already kissing up to the new commish?
Hood: Fuck, may as well
Smith: Indeed…well, let’s head backstage
~In the backstage area, the Big Bifford is walking down a hallway~
Smith: Oh good... 11 times tonight.. This is just fantastic...
Hood: I'm glad you see eye to eye with me now..
~Bifford is carrying the duffel bag full of Dangerous Dan t-shirts that he's been giving away all evening. Suddenly a man in a mask runs past Bifford and grabs the duffel bag out of his possession. Bifford's eyes bulge as the man runs away, and the big man realizes he's been robbed. He takes off running after the man at a much faster speed than one has likely seen Bifford in the last 10 years. The camera follows clumsily along behind Bifford, running down the hallway~
Smith: Bifford... is... running...
Hood: Well they got his t-shirts!
Smith: This... is... so stupid...
~Bifford finally catches up to the thief and tackles him to the ground and begins punching him in the face~
Hood: Show him, Bifford! MAKE HIM PAY FOR HIS SINS!
~Bifford rolls the thief over and looks him in the face. He's nobody in particular. Just some guy. Bifford then drapes his unconscious body with a Dangerous Dan t-shirt~
Bifford: You need to learn to be more like Dangerous Dan... he's a winner... He's won 6 times in the past... and lost 6 times in the past.... but the wins are what count...
~Bifford walks away from the thief, leaving him unconscious and covered by the t-shirt~
Hood: Crime doesn't pay, kids...
Smith: Please tell me this is the last time we'll see Bifford tonight...
Hood: Well... it depends if you want to watch the infomercial Bifford purchased after the show...
Smith: I hate you.
~As Bifford walks away, we see Andy Murray lurking in the shadows, rubbing his chin in deep thought. We cut back to ringside~
Hood: IT’S LURKIN MURRAY!
Smith: I really wish he would’ve been BEATING THE HECK OUT OF BIFFORD MURRAY
Hood: Oh come on, Murray and Bifford are BFFs, man…it all started when Bifford ran the Celtic War in his HONOR
Smith: I don’t think Murray ever saw it that way
Hood: You just don’t understand things like humans and roads and cell phones and tic tacs
Smith: Yea, I certainly don’t understand that previous sentence but I do understand its main event time…FINALLY
PerZag © (9-2) vs. The Bounty Hunter (3-1)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OCW Internet Championship!!
~ “Dexter’s Theme” starts to play as the fans watch The Bounty Hunter make his way to the ring. He gets a fair amount of boos after his turncoat act last week at Clash. Bounty Hunter enters the ring and is ready for his first ever OCW Main Event~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from New York City, New York…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 216lbs…The Bounty Hunter!!
~The lights of the arena go out. All that is seen is a small glow of light from the entrance ramp. ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ by Survivor starts to play over the PA system. A hooded figure walks on to the entrance ramp. The lights come back on as the hooded figure stands still on the stage. The hooded figure walks down to the ring slowly. He gets into the ring and stands in the centre of it. He slowly removes the hood and shows his hideous scars throughout the arena. 'Eye Of The Tiger' by Survivor stops playing as PerZag walks over to a corner in the ring and crouches down near it~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Benalla, standing 6’5 and weighing in at 216lbs…he is the OCW Internet Champion…PerZag!!
~Belvedere takes the Internet Title from PerZag and quickly exits the ring and sounds the bell, as the match is now underway~
Smith: Former tag team partners now at each other’s throats for PerZag’s Internet Title.
Hood: Yea, Bounty Hunter finally grew a set and laid out PerZag…I expect him to have a huge night tonight.
Smith: Hard to figure that seeing as PerZag has been better than Bounty Hunter at everything
Hood: Bounty Hunter has been better at wearing masks.
Smith: Okay, ya got me there.
~PerZag goes after Hunter with fists of rage! He drills Hunter again and again in the head with Hunter falling back into the nearest corner, attempting to cover up. PerZag drills Hunter in the gut with knee after knee before whipping Hunter out of the corner, across the ring and slamming into the opposite corner. Zag sprints in and drills Hunter with a huge Stinger Splash!! Zag takes a few steps back as Hunter comes stumbling out…Zag lifts him up and bodyslams him down hard onto the mat~
Smith: PerZag is all over The Bounty Hunter to start things off…he’s definitely still fuming over last Sunday’s betrayal.
Hood: Nobody likes to get jumped by a masked man, Smith
Smith: Or sexually assaulted by them…that is a traumatic experience as well
Hood: Excuse me?
Smith: Nothing
~Zag stomps away on Hunter as he’s laid out on the mat. He yanks Hunter to his feet and whips him into the ropes…Hunter bounces off and Zag drills him with a dropkick!! Zag goes for a quick pin as Scruff slides in to make the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Near fall for PerZag as he was a split second from retaining his Internet Title and exacting revenge on The Bounty Hunter
Hood: So close but so far
Smith: Indeed
~Zag yanks Hunter back to his feet and drills him with a couple of stiff right hands. He hurls Hunter front first into the nearest corner and sprints behind him. Hunter stops short and grabs the top rope, leaping over Zag…he is now standing behind Zag and quickly rolls him up with Scruff sliding in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings as the crowd reacts in shock~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….AND NEW OCW INTERNET CHAMPION…THE BOUNTY HUNTER!!!!!
Smith: Wow! What a shocker!
Hood: Holy shit…that came out of nowhere
Smith: Unbelievable
Hood: Another masked freak has a title!!
~The Bounty Hunter raises his hand in victory, as Belvedere hands him the Internet Championship. The Bounty Hunter looks at the Internet Championship, and then throws it away. The Bounty Hunter asks for a microphone and is given one.~
The Bounty Hunter: “I am your new Internet Champion. And I proved that by defeating PerZag. That is not enough though. As of right now, I am having another match. This match will be a career ending match. The loser will then lose his career. And it is going to be a Falls Count Anywhere Match.”
Smith: “What is he doing?”
Hood: “I think he wants to end PerZag’s career.”
Smith: “But, if he loses then he loses his career.”
Hood: “That won’t happen. PerZag is still hurt from the last match.”
Smith: “Yes. Which took place less than a minute before this one.”
~The bells rings as The Bounty Hunter picks PerZag up and delivers a Tombstone. The Bounty Hunter goes for the pin as Scruff slides in for the count.~
1
2
3..No
Smith: “How the hell did PerZag kick out of that one.”
Hood: “PerZag is Worthy, and he wants to stay that way.”
Smith: “Anyway, the match continues.”
~The Bounty Hunter stands up and starts arguing with Scruff. After a few moments of unsuccessful arguing, The Bounty Hunter slides to the outside of the ring. He walks over to the steel steps and picks them up moving them towards the ring. Meanwhile PerZag is slowly getting to his feet, and sees The Bounty Hunter moving the steel steps towards the ring. PerZag runs towards the opposite ropes, rebounding off of them and then jumps over the top rope, landing on The Bounty Hunter with a front flip. PerZag groans in pain, but crawls over to The Bounty Hunter going for a pin. Scruff slides in for the count.~
1
2
Kick Out...
Smith: “And theres a kick out from The Bounty Hunter. PerZag has turned the tables quite quickly.”
Hood: “PerZag is trying to stay Worthy, whilst The Bounty Hunter is trying to make him Unworthy. It is going to take a while for one of them to win.”
Smith: “I hope not. I wanted to call my wife after the show.”
Hood: “She can wait. We can go out and find some prostitutes.”
Smith: “I am not going anywhere with you.”
~PerZag slowly gets up to his feet and walks over to The Bounty Hunter who is slowly getting to his. PerZag grabs The Bounty Hunter by the head, but then instantly lets go as The Bounty Hunter gives PerZag a low blow. PerZag grabs his crotch in pain, as he slowly goes down. The Bounty Hunter reaches his feet, and picks up PerZag. He walks over to the steel steps, picking PerZag up and giving him the Tombstone on the steel steps. PerZag’s body crumbles and doesn’t move.~
Smith: “What a vicious move by The Bounty Hunter.”
Hood: “I think PerZag is going to be Unworthy.”
~The Bounty Hunter covers PerZag as Scruff slides in for the count.~
1
2
3...No
Smith: “Another last second kick out by PerZag. He does not want to lose his career.”
Hood: “I wouldn’t blame him. He is the Number One Contender after all.”
Smith: “And after a two month career, I would not want to lose it.”
Hood: “Hell, I have been here for years, and I have wanted to lose it. And here I am still here.”
Smith: “Just shut up, and watch the match.”
~The Bounty Hunter stands up and starts arguing with Scruff. Scruff continues saying that it was a fair count. The Bounty Hunter loses it, and grabs Scruff throwing him into the barricade. Scruff hits the ground, hard. The Bounty Hunter turns around, but is met with a dropkick from PerZag. The Bounty Hunter goes down, but gets back up and is hit with another dropkick. PerZag picks The Bounty Hunter up and locks in the Torture Rack. The Bounty Hunter starts to scream in pain, but then rakes PerZags eyes, making him drop The Bounty Hunter.~
Smith: “Another cheating move.”
Hood: “There is no cheating about it, it is fair in this kind of match.”
Smith: “I still hate seeing it.”
Hood: “Well, you look at dicks all the time and you don’t hate seeing them.”
Smith: “For the one millionth time, I have a wife that I love dearly.”
~The Bounty Hunter grabs PerZag and tosses him into the steel steps. He picks PerZag up again and Irish Whips him into the turnbuckle post. The Bounty Hunter runs in with a boot, and delivers the boot smashing PerZag’s skull onto the post. The Bounty Hunter picks PerZag up and tosses him into the ring. He searches under the ring, and pulls out a trash can. He tosses the trash can into the ring and slides into the ring. The Bounty Hunter picks PerZag up and delivers a DDT on to the trash can.~
Smith: “A vicious DDT on to the trash can.”
Hood: “Why do you have to say vicious all the time?”
Smith: “It is a word that describes the situation.”
Hood: “But why can’t you use a different word like deadly or brutal.”
Smith: “Because I like the word vicious.”
~The Bounty Hunter slides outside the ring and searches under it. After a few seconds of searching he finally pulls out a table. He slides the table into the ring, and slides into the ring himself. He picks up the squashed trash can, and throws it into the crowd. He sets up the table in the middle of the ring. He picks PerZag up, lifts him up and slams PerZag through the table with a devastating Powerbomb.~
Smith: “A vicious Powerbomb through the table by The Bounty Hunter.”
Hood: “Can you please stop saying vicious. It reminds me of bad times.”
Smith: “I can’t help it...wait...what bad times.”
Hood: “It was when I was young, there was a male hooker and...wait, never mind.”
~The Bounty Hunter starts throwing the broken table parts out of the ring and into the audience. He slides back outside again, and searches under the ring, pulling out another trash can. The Bounty Hunter throws the trash can into the ring, and slides in after it. The Bounty Hunter picks up the trash can, as PerZag slowly gets to his feet. He places the trash can over PerZag’s head, making PerZag move around trying to get free. The Bounty Hunter picks PerZag up, and nails the Tombstone. PerZag hits the ground with part of his body still in the trash can.~
Smith: “That has got to end it.”
Hood: “Hell yeah. With a move like that, I do not know how PerZag will kick out.”
Smith: “Well, The Bounty Hunter needs a ref to count the pin. He had attacked Scruff earlier.”
Hood: “He better get a move on, if he wants to end PerZag’s career.”
~The Bounty Hunter must have heard Hood, as he quickly gets outside and picks Scruff up. He rolls Scruff into the ring, and follows in after him. The Bounty Hunter goes for the cover, as Scruff counts.~
1
2
Kick Out
Smith: “PerZag has kicked out again.”
Hood: “This is why he is Worthy.”
Smith: “The Bounty Hunter wants to prove something, that is why he is being so vicious in this match.”
Hood: “Can you quit saying the word vicious?”
Smith: “Only if you tell me what happened.”
Hood: “Fuck. Well, there was a male hooker, and a bull. And I got viciously raped by both.”
Smith: “What??”
Hood: “It was a terrible time.”
~The Bounty Hunter gets up, extremely annoyed. He grabs Scruff and throws Scruff over the ropes and to the outside (seeing as this is a Falls Count Anywhere Match, The Bounty Hunter can not get disqualified). The Bounty Hunter exits the ring, and walks over to Scruff. He grabs Scruff and DDTs him on to the concrete. The Bounty Hunter starts yelling at Scruff saying ‘You should have counted to three.’ The Bounty Hunter goes under the ring, and grabs another table, sliding it into the ring. He climbs on to the apron, and starts to scale the turnbuckle. He stands on top of the turnbuckle, as PerZag reaches his feet. He jumps off and delivers a flying cross body onto PerZag. He holds on for the pin.~
Smith: “Didn’t he just DDT Scruff on the outside, and now he wants to go for a pin.”
Hood: “Sometimes you forget things. Then they come back after a word or so.”
Smith: “How did you even get in that scenario anyhow?”
Hood: “Do not worry.”
~The Bounty Hunter finally realizes that he had taken out Scruff earlier, and stands up. He picks up the table and sets it up in the middle of the ring. The Bounty Hunter picks PerZag up, and drags him over to the turnbuckle. He places PerZag on top of the turnbuckle, and starts climbing up it. The Bounty Hunter reaches the top of the turnbuckle, making PerZag stand up on top as well. The Bounty Hunter starts to hook PerZag for a suplex off of the turnbuckle and throw the table. PerZag starts to strike The Bounty Hunter in the kidney. After a few strikes in the kidney, The Bounty Hunter lets go. PerZag strikes The Bounty Hunter in the head, and grabs The Bounty Hunter, lifting him up and delivering a PerZag Perfection to the concrete on the outside off of the top turnbuckle. Both men fall down onto the concrete, hitting it hard, with no man moving a muscle.~
Smith: “Holy shit.”
Hood: “It seems that PerZag really does not want to lose his career.”
Smith: “He sacrificed himself for that move.”
Hood: “And now they both are out cold.”
~Scruff slowly gets up, and looks at the two men down and out on the concrete. Both men are not moving. Scruff walks up to the two men, checking whether they are even conscious. After a few seconds of checking, Scruff picks up PerZag’s arm and lays it over The Bounty Hunter’s body.~
Smith: “What the hell is Scruff doing?”
Hood: “He didn’t want to take any of The Bounty Hunter’s shit again. He wants The Bounty Hunter gone.”
Smith: “But that is cheating.”
Hood: “Scruff is the official. He is the only one that can cheat.”
~Scruff starts the count.~
1
2
3!!!
Belvedere: “The winner of the match, and still keeping his career in OCW...The Worthiest Of All...PERZAG!!!!!”
Smith: “That is the end of The Bounty Hunter. He is no longer going to be with us.”
Hood: “With some awesome referee work, and The Bounty Hunter is gone.”
Smith: “It is cheating.”
Hood: “As I said earlier, Scruff is the official. He can do what he likes.”
Smith: “Either way. The Bounty Hunter is gone from Online Championship Wrestling.”
Hood: “His career definitely did not last long.”
Smith: “It definitely didn’t.”
Hood: So, what about the Internet Title?
Smith: It’s vacant now…and PerZag is headed to face Richard next week…if he defeats Richard…which, I don’t see why he couldn’t…he’ll face Lurrr at Sinful Nature for the North Eastern Title!
Hood: Movin on up, basically
Smith: Pretty much…well, folks…that’s it for tonight…I suggest you all turn off your TVs or web streams unless your psychotic and want to be inundated with more Bifford weirdness…
Hood: I know I’m sticking around!
Smith: Good night everyone!
~The OCW logo appears on the screen. Then the screen flashes to black, to a moment of static, to the image of The Big Bifford standing backstage in a private locker room~
Bifford: Hi all.. you might best know me as The Big Bifford... an OCW wrestling legend who is far better than Pryde, Ian Bishop, PerZag, Sean Fuller, MJ Bell, Amber Ryan, Danny B, Mia Stone, Bob Grenier, Itsumade, Mark Storm, Chad Vargas, Kimiko Onee-Sama, Ana Archia, and pretty much everyone on the current, past, and future roster. Tonight, I've purchased this infomercial time to talk about someone other than me... Even though I'm a former OCW United States Champion, a former OCW World Champion, a former GCWA Xtreme Champion - I won that title from Lurrr, by the way, - a former GCWA World Champion, a former OCW President, and an OCW Hall of Famer... I'm here to talk tonight about someone else... Dangerous Dan.
~Bifford smiles at the camera~
Bifford: Do you know who's awesome? Dangerous Dan. The man has an EPIC record here in OCW of 6-6. Yes, folks... that's showing some real ingenuity... getting to be a champion when only winning barely half of the time.. That's what makes Dangerous Dan awesome. He's an epic competitor.... and that's why I'm selling Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirts tonight... you see, we weren't able to give out enough of them and so they must be sold! Each Dangerous Dan Rules t-shirt costs $6. Plus 29.99 in shipping and handling... My assistant Earl will be glad to take your call...
~The camera pans out to show Earl chained to a desk with a phone in front of him. Earl is a zombie though, so he is probably not capable of answering the telephone~
Bifford: So, for the next 30 minutes I'll be here telling you all of the wonderful things about Dangerous Dan and why you should buy his t-shirt and let your friends and family know that you support this amazing wrestler.. Reason #1, Dan doesn't feel the need to show off with impressive win-loss records. Reason #2, Dan beat former OCW Champion Curt Canon... though we've all been pretty unimpressed with Canon since his return. Reason #3, Dangerous Dan has never beaten me. Ever. Reason #4, Dangerous Dan is...
~Bifford is interrupted as the door behind him swings open. President Dean sticks his head in with a big smile on his face~
Dean: Big Man! Show's over! Want to go get a beer?
~Bifford turns around and sees Dean acting pretty out-of-character.. He gives Dean a look. Dean sees the camera crew and all of the weird stuff in the room~
Dean: What the hell is going on here...?
Bifford: Well.. we're doing this... oh, screw it. Yes I want to go get a beer, buddy! I just need to change out of this ridiculous shirt first... Let's go!
~Dean smiles and walks out of the room. Bifford turns to Earl~
Bifford: Earl, you crazy zombie, we're going to need to go to PLAN B.
~Bifford walks out of the room and the camera swings to the side to show several Ronco Rotisseries full of meat. The meat spins on the rotisserie and text appears at the bottom of the screen that reads "USED ROTISSERIES. $200. CALL 1-800-BIFFORD." The meat continues to spin and then Earl the Undead Popcorn Salesman appears and starts trying to get inside the devices to the meat. This continues for 28 minutes until the screen goes black~
Credits
OOC: Alright, post Clash MNM is up. I have to admit…I was pretty drained all week long from last Sunday’s PPV so I hope things came out okay. Thoughts, as always, on the OOC Board. Great job rping, btw this week…I look forward to building up to Sinful Nature
Pryde: Editing/coding 90% of the segments…without Pryde’s help, this card would have taken another 2-3 hours…thanks, man!
Ian Bishop: Grenier/Fuller match…really needed someone to help out with matches this week…I just didn’t have the energy to give this match what it deserved…so thanks Ian for stepping up and giving them a show
PerZag: PerZag vs. Bounty Hunter part 2…great first match of Mr. Zag’s career…well written and impressive. Enjoyed the angle…good job, man
And I would like to PERSONALLY THANK BIFFORD FOR SENDING IN 12 FREAKIN SEGMENTS. That’s got to be some kind of record