OCW Presents: Monday Night Massacre
Live! May 5th, 2014
From the Smith Spectrum on the Utah State University Campus in Logan, Utah
[Massacre opens backstage. Scott Syren is holding a stack of pizza boxes. We assume they are full of delicious pizza. He cradles the stack of boxes in one arm, and uses his free hand to speak on a cellular telephone.]
Syren: Yeah... he said I could be “Owner for a Night”... no, all it really means is I'm in charge of Massacre next week... I don't know, it sounds like its for real... well yeah, anything could be a trap, but no risk, no reward, right? Is everything still on track on your end? … Yeah? ... fuckin' lawyers, man... people are going to shit themselves when you show up... No, I haven't told the others yet but I'm sure Pryde will be pleasantly surprised... okay, I have to go... let me know if you need anything on my end.
[Syren hangs up the telephone and slips it into the pocket of his tastelessly-bedazzled jeans. He stops in front of a door and pushes it open with his foot.]
Syren: PIZZA'S HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
[Inside the room we see Bounty Hunter, Curt Canon and Canon's lovable sidekick/manservant James Vorex wandering around blindfolded. There is a huge poster of President Dean on one wall, with his Not President Dean mask scribbled around his eyes in hasty Sharpie strokes. In addition to being blindfolded, Bounty Hunter, Canon and Vorex each holds what appears to be a fistful of... bright red pubes??? PerZag stands in the corner with his arms folded across his muscular chest, shaking his head with a mix of amusement and scorn as his three blindfolded comrades stumble around, holding the crazy red wads of hair out in front of them.]
Syren: Yo 'Zag! What the fuck is this?!
PerZag: It is a game called “Pin The Moustache on Not President Dean.” Look how terrible they all are at it.
[Curt Canon thrusts out his arm with a wild guess—he misses badly and sticks his wad of bright red hair to the side of Bounty Hunter's head.]
Bounty Hunter: Oof!!!
Canon: James, did you just hit Bounty Hunter?
Vorex: Huh?
[Syren observes the game for a while. It doesn't get any better.]
PerZag: You told us to relax and begin to “pre-game” until you got back with the pizzas. This is the game they chose.
Syren: That isn't what I meant by pre-gaming.
[An embarrassed trombone sound squeals out like bwaaamp-bwaaaamp-bwamp-bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaamp because of how amusing and funny this misunderstanding is.
Somehow, Bounty Hunter finally manages to stick his detachable red moustache more or less on the President Dean poster's upper lip... probably because he's now wearing an advanced vision enhancement module instead of a blindfold. Neither of his competitors saw him make the switch because, well, they were blindfolded. Whatever though, they're playing it pretty fast and loose with the rules. Everyone cheers and high-fives to commemorate the conclusion of the hard-fought game. PerZag walks over and casually spits on the completed image of Not President Dean.]
Syren: Okay, great job guys. Now let's get going before the pizza gets cold. Everybody is waiting for us out there!
[Syren leads the men out of the room, down a hallway, and through an exit... which opens up unto a world of pure luxury and magic!
[A half-dozen huge white tents, like those that might be used by a medieval king commanding his armies in the field, have been set up in the parking lot. Operation Zero banners hang tastefully on each one. In one tent, there are rows upon rows of golden vessels filled with vegetables, fruits, animal crackers, Jell-O, narcotics, and other snacks. A second table has a dozen oversized golden goblets: each one filled to the brim with a different flavor of corn chip. Scott Syren sets the pizzas down in this tent, and an attractive servant immediately gets to work arranging them into the buffet on large silver platters. In other tents there are amusements and entertainments on display: an exotically beautiful contortionist performing on a decorative pedestal; a flute-playing snake-charmer surrounded by wicker baskets—a deadly serpent peeking out of each one; a daring fire performer who switches seamlessly from breathing fire to juggling fire to dancing with fire; some sad-looking drunk guy who makes mediocre balloon animals]
[In one tent, an all-acoustic Dire Straits tribute band provides good-enough background music. It was the first band they could find on short notice.]
[The area of the celebration has been roped off from the rest of the parking lot. There are a couple hundred fans out here, crowding up against the ropes, hoping for a chance to be some small part of the spectacle that is Operation Zero.]
Smith: Look at all of the fans crowding the parking lot! There are almost as many of them out there as there is in this arena!
Hood: All the bitches want to party with Operation Zero. Did you see that contortionist?
Smith: Indeed! She was quite limber.
Hood: Yeah, and she was basically sniffing her own crotch!
Smith: It was really more of an awkward transition between interpretive dance positions than it was a blatant crotch-sniff.
Hood: Yeah, you'd know all about interpretive dance.
[Under the biggest and most luxurious tent, a semi-circle of plush, throne-like seats have been arranged. Pryde and Mia Stone are sitting in two of the seats, chatting and enjoying refreshments. Above some of the seats, championship belts have been tastefully mounted on stained oak plaques. We see the Lightweight Championship belt, the Internet Championship Belt, and the One True World Title above three of the empty seats. And, above Pryde's seat, there is the Southern Championship. Above an empty seat with no belt, an ominous-looking list has been mounted instead... the list is currently short, only a few names, but there is room for many, many more of the Unworthy to have their shame recorded. Above Mia Stone's seat, we see a hilarious, framed screenprint of Brianna Casablancas' beaten and bloody face from the Total Demolition show.]
[Under an adjacent tent, a structure like a giant sandbox has been built. But instead of sand, it's filled with ice and delicious cans of various beers and sodas. Syren grabs a Pepsi Max and adds something suspicious to it from a pharmaceutical-looking vial hidden in his pocket. Curt Canon grabs a refreshing beer. The two old friends toast and chug deeply upon their respective liquids.]
Canon: I have a big announcement to start things off.
Syren: By all means.
[Curt Canon puts two fingers inside of his mouth and blows. But instead of a loud whistling noise, there is only a sloppy sputtering sound. He makes a face as if to say 'I've got this' and tries again, but with the same results. Syren holds up a hand to stop him from trying a third time.]
Syren: HEY EVERYBODY, SHUT THE FUCK UP! WELCOME TO OPERATION ZERO'S CELEBRATION OF FREEDOM FROM TYRANNY AND OPPRESSION! Or OZCoFfTaO, if you're into catchy acronyms. We'd like to start things off with an announcement by your new Lightweight Champion and soon-to-be OCW Hall of Famer, Curt Canon!
[Canon walks over to one tent which has conspicuously been left with its walls drawn shut while all the rest of them are open to the spring air. Canon pulls on a luxurious white rope which draws open the walls of the tent, and we see that this one has an animal pen built inside. Inside the animal pen, Curt Canon's two majestic bulls are walking around looking majestic.]
Canon: In honor of my new friends, our many victories at Total Demolition, and our many more victories to come... I would like to officially donate these animals to Operation Zero as mascots! Or as pack animals if we ever need to travel the Oregon Trail together.
Smith: Didn't he technically steal those bulls from the rodeo clown match a few weeks ago? He has no right to donate them to anybody.
Hood: Of course he does, he's their mother. And if that's not good enough for you, he's Curt Canon.
[All of the members of Operation Zero, along with all the attractive waitstaff, begin clapping and shouting HUZZAH to show their appreciation for Canon's beautiful gift of living cow-meat.]
PerZag: Excellent mascots! What are their names?
Canon: I don't know... I was calling them B-Rock and Nick Carter, but we don't have to stick with that.
Syren: I think we should name them Coronado and Pizarro, to represent how we're like conquerors and shit. And just as the conquistadors wiped out entire nations of people and discovered America, we wiped out an entire dark era in OCW history, and are on a path to discovering the truth!
Smith: Scott Syren, as usual, seems oblivious to how totally offensive his ideas are.
Hood: Ughhhh, you're really going to go there? Not everything is racist, Smith.
Smith: Not everything, no. But the Spanish conquest of Central and South America? Fairly racist.
Hood: Speak for yourself, you weren't there.
Smith: You're starting to make about as much sense as Scott Syren.
Hood: I must be doing something right.
[Pryde stands up at his throne. He walks over to admire the bulls. Mia Stone walks over too and joins the rest of the gang. She pets one of the bulls on the head, causing him to MOOOOO happily. The crowd says “awwwwww” because they love warm, touching animal moments.]
Pryde: What if we were to name them after some of our fallen opponents? Let them serve as a constant reminder of what happens to anyone who stands in our way...
Syren: Not bad... that could definitely work...
Pryde: This black one can be Dean... and the one that keeps mooing can be named Brianna.
Canon: I did some research, and did you know bulls are boys? And Brianna is a girl's name... we need a manlier name for this one.
Mia Stone: I don't know, Curt... I was in that cage at War Games... Brianna was as manly as any of the alleged men representing The Family.
Canon: OK. Dean and Brianna it is then!
[Canon lets each of the bulls take a drink from his can of beer to celebrate them having new names and becoming official animal members of Operation Zero.]
Syren: Okay everyone... shall we address our adoring public?
[Syren leads the members of Operation Zero up onto a stage that has been set up adjacent to their party area. A couple hundred fans crowd the stage, hoping to get close enough to touch one of their favorite wrestlers... or close enough to throw empty beer cups at one of their most hated wrestlers. Despite all the success at Total Demolition, the crowd is still divided on whether or not Operation Zero is a positive influence on OCW. An OCW camera is set up on a tripod to relay a high quality shot of the stage back to the screens in the ring area so that all of the fans inside can also bask in the glory of Operation Zero. There is a microphone stand in the middle of the stage. Scott Syren removes the microphone from it and moves the stand off to the side.]
Syren: Well everyone, we've done it. We've defended a title. We've brought back a title that was rightfully ours. We've captured a new title. We've proven once again that for every head Dean chops off, we grow two more meaner, more venomous heads. We've cemented our rightful place at the top of the company. And, best of all, we've solved a couple of problems that have been plaguing OCW since the beginning of this run. First, we promised to expose Dean. And you know the old saying: if you can't expose 'em, have the company taken away from 'em! Things are going to be a lot more fair around here with Mister Lurrr running the show, and you have Operation Zero to thank for the upgrade in management.
[The crowd largely boos, aside from a few old die-hard Lurrr fans from the old days. A loud but short-lived “WE WANT DEAN” chant begins inside of the arena.]
Smith: Clearly its going to take more than a week for OCW to simply forget about Dean.
Hood: Who the fuck is Dean?
Syren: Secondly, I promised all along that we would expose Brianna for what she truly was, and we did. After months of pulling Dean's strings, whining and conniving, listening to herself talk, and pretending to be fighting for justice and equality and some bizarro half-assed tangent about LGBT rights in professional wrestling... Brianna once again got what she wanted. No, not the justice shit, but what she actually wanted: to get a big, fat spotlight shining down on her during “her” War Games. And even after winning that match, what does she do? She abandons the OCW. She abandons Dean. She abandons all of you fans. And why? Not to let somebody else take the spotlight. No, that wouldn't be her style. Not due to her injuries... even though they are quite severe, she could choose to return to OCW if she wanted to. But she won't. For those of you who don't know, Brianna Casablancas has already agreed to terms with another wrestling promotion. She left OCW immediately after Total Demolition because she knew she was on a path to a head-on collision with Operation Zero. She knew that the lie machine she had built to inflate her undeserved status as a main eventer would eventually lead her into the clutches of real main eventers. See, there were plenty of things left for your hero Brianna to do here in OCW... unfortunately, she was deathly afraid of every single one of them.
Smith: Harsh words about the Central Champion... I'll admit, I've also heard the rumors about Brianna signing with a different company almost immediately after her win and ensuing beatdown at Total Demolition, but I haven't been able to confirm anything with a reliable source.
Hood: So she wanted War Games... she got War Games... and she even WON War Games... and then she showed her gratitude to the company by bailing so she wouldn't have to fight Mia?!
Smith: Its only rumors at this point... but yes.
Hood: And you people all believed Ian Bishop was the asshole in that feud...
Smith: Indeed.
[The crowd—both inside the arena and out in the parking lot—is murmuring angrily amongst itself at the things Syren said about Brianna.]
Syren: Cheer up, you fuckin' hillbillies, this is supposed to be a party! Don't let someone who doesn't even care enough about you to say goodbye bring you down. Let's hear from a real competitor, the woman who gets the credit for scaring Brianna right out of OCW... Mia Stone!
[Mia is handed the mic to a chorus of boo's. She takes it all in her stride and simply waits until they get bored, choosing to laugh and joke around with the rest of Operation Zero.]
Mia Stone: There are a few guys without whom I wouldn't be here standing before such a welcoming bunch of people and I think that it's important that while we celebrate the success of Operation Zero at Total Demolition, we take time to remember those less fortunate and unable to join us.
[She and the rest of Operation Zero look to a display screen off to the side of the stage and bow their heads as a picture flashes up of a bandaged body in a hospital bed. Its not clear if its male or female as the only visible part apart from a couple of fingers are eyes.]
Mia Stone: Poor pretty princess Brianna. Unable to move more than an eyebrow after the PPV. Finally meeting her match, in the most unlikely of opponents. So determined to destroy the Family that she never saw the real threat that stalked her. I know she would have loved to have joined the party. Let all wish her a speedy recovery.
[A Brianna chant slowly starts which surprisingly Mia joins in with. Scott Syren joins in too, clapping slowly and sarcastically as he does so. Curt Canon pretends to cry. He dumps some of his beer on the floor of the stage, makes a fist over his heart and then points to the sky, as if saluting Brianna in heaven, even though she's not technically dead... yet.]
Mia Stone: That's right lets send her some love!
[Pryde, PerZag, Bounty Hunter and James Vorex have all joined in the chant at this point.]
Smith: This is wrong, Brianna is in a pretty bad way. Regardless of whether or not she's left OCW, she's given everything to this company over the last few months, and I don't think we should be encouraging this at all!
Hood: BRI-ANNA! BRI-ANNA! Look at it this way... you are either the problem or part of the solution, I would say Mia did a public service getting rid of The Family and Brianna. I say party on!
[The Brianna chants die out as the crowd realizes they're being made fun of. The mic ends up in Curt Canon's hand, and he steps forward to address his adoring public.]
Canon: My oh my what a week it has been. Not only did I turn 30, and not only did I become the first OCW Lightweight Champion of the new era...
[He looks down and points at the gold strapped around his waist... he gets caught up staring at it for like twenty seconds because of how shiny it is. He snaps out of it and continues his speech...]
Canon: I did something else, I did something far greater then both of those...I joined up with my good friend "Mr. OCW" himself Scott Syren and his new Band of Unbeatable F'n Fighters....OPERATION ZERO! And just in case any of you missed the PPV we totally demolished not only our competition but the spirits and morale of the entire OCW locker room, and it was just the beginning.
[The fans boo... they liked the spirits and morale of the entire OCW locker room, and don't take kindly to those things being demolished.]
Canon: As I stand in the middle of this ring and look around at my new family it is clear to me that my goal of becoming an OCW Hall of Famer will be achieved, yet I cant help to think that something....no that someone is missing and Scott I think you will agree with me that our family is not yet complete.....
[Curt points offstage as The Hands of Death by Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper begins to play. Former OCW Tag Team Champion and best friend to Curt Canon, James "The Killer" Vorex points to himself like “Me? Seriously?” Syren waves him up with an encouraging gesture, so he walks up onto the stage. He gives Curt a hug and makes his way around the ring greeting each member of Operation Zero with a smile, a handshake, and good ol' fashioned pat on the back. Scoot Time, who has been running around helping the production crew, throws a black Operation Zero shirt onto the stage. James Vorex puts it on and Curt hands him a microphone.]
James: Ya know I never thought I would step foot in an OCW ring again, but after Curt and Scott talked to me about what they were planning on doing here I just couldn't resist the temptation. I want to make one thing clear, I am not here to wrestle, I am not here to win titles, I am here because I believe in Operation Zero and everything they want to accomplish. I am here to make sure that none of you in the back try to stop them and ruin their plans.....now with that being said there is only one thing left to do....PARTY!!!
Smith: And Operation Zero appears to have hired their first official non-roster goon in James “The Killer” Vorex.
Hood: If you're going to bring in lackeys do your dirty work, you might as well go big and have them be former OCW Tag Champion lackeys!
Smith: His presence at ringside will certainly be a concern for anybody going up against Curt Canon or any of his fellows.
Hood: Did you just fucking describe Operation Zero as “Curt Canon and his fellows”?!
Smith: Shush, Pryde is about to say something.
Pryde: I want to say a quick word to my opponent last week. Kenshin, you fought hard in our match. I will give you an A for effort. But effort can only take you so far. Now you have lost to Scott, and you have lost to me. Now you're fired. I know that wasn't a popular decision with OCW fans, but I can see how it would be for your own good. Maybe it was just time for you to learn to stop getting in the way of Operation Zero. By the looks of it, you were never going to learn on your own. You would have ended up trying to challenge PerZag and Curt next for their titles, and... well, they say the true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Do you want to be labeled insane, or do you want your wrestling career to actually go somewhere? And by somewhere, I mean somewhere far, far away from Operation Zero. I say this for your own good: stay away. I don't know what went on backstage between you and the new ownership, but Lurrr is doing you a favor by giving you a chance to bow out of OCW with whatever remains of your pride. Unlike you, our work in OCW is not yet complete.
[Scott Syren takes the mic one last time. He waves at somebody offstage, and suddenly Scoot Time comes rambling up onto the stage holding a giant wooden check. The check is done up with holographic vinyl and gold lettering... but it is only written out to the modest amount of $500.]
Syren: Last of all, I want to announce that I'm donating this check for $500 to the World Foundation for Lonely Kittens and Puppies on behalf of my friend and Operation Zero co-founder, Pryde... so all you fucking assholes out there in Wrestling Journalist Land can quit calling him a heel! He doesn't like that shit! Would a heel help save puppies from loneliness? I fucking doubt it!
[The crowd lets out another big AWWWWWWW for the lonely puppies and kittens that Pryde is saving with this giant (probably fake) $500 check. And with that, the members of Operation Zero leave the stage and head back to their party. The camera follows them off the stage and we catch a glimpse of the backstage area, where we can see the stacks and stacks of equipment cases and crates that were brought in to make this celebration possible. As the party scene fades out, we notices that all of the equipment cases and crates are clearly marked PROPERTY OF KENT INDUSTRIES...]
[Our screen fades to black. The following tweet posted over the weekend appears on the screen in plain white lettering]
There is a new sheriff in town and things are about to get interesting. Change at the top always trickles down to the bottom. #StrongSurvive
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome OCW President Lurrr!!
[BOOOOOOOO!!! That’s all anyone can make out from the crowd’s reaction. Lurrr smiles, feeding off of the negative energy…he snatches the mic from Belvedere]
Lurrr: Well, OCW Staff…tonight is official Performance Evaluation night! New regime means new criteria for keeping your job. However, before we get to that…I guess I should address the elephant in the room.
[Lurrr holds up four fingers]
Lurrr: Four weeks ago, unbeknownst to Dean, I was contacted by Ian Bishop of The Family. Bishop explained this War Games match to me and how their leader, Maurako, had suddenly vanished. An offer was extended towards me to lead The Family into War Games. I accepted.
[Lurrr drops one finger, now holding three up]
Lurrr: Three weeks ago Jimmy Buffet approached me concerned about the fate of his precious War Games match. I explained to Mr. Buffet he was not to worry. I told him how I was going to participate in the match and save it from certain disappointment. The fact Dean was unaware of my plans and seemingly plodding along with a dud on his hands worried Buffet to an irreparable extent. That was when the offer for me to take over for Dean after Total Demolition was extended. You tell me…leader of The Family or leader of OCW? What would you chose? Exactly. So, I informed Bishop later that week at Massacre when the limo he had rented for me pulled up and then quickly sped off. Yep, that was me.
[Lurrr drops another finger, left with two]
Lurrr: Two weeks ago I reached out to Operation Zero and cut a deal. If they helped me ease Dean off into early retirement, I’d agree to stay out of their way. A gentlemen’s agreement, if you will.
[Lurrr drops another finger, left with his middle finger as the last one standing]
Lurrr: And last week…well, last week was the culmination of a beautiful, well orchestrated plan. You’re welcome.
[Loud boos emanate throughout the arena as Lurrr laughs. Lurrr holds his arms out trying to quiet the fans down. They don’t respond. Lurrr nods towards his guards. They pull out black baseball bats and rush towards the crowd, threatening them. This gets the crowd to quiet down]
Lurrr: Now there are some of you in the back who know what I am all about and then there are some of you back there who have no idea what I am all about. Bottom-line is I am not here to make friends, I am not here to please anyone, and I am sure as hell not here to please any of you! You see I am here for one reason and one reason alone… that’s for my personal gain. You see I have dominated this company’s landscape for a decade and there isn’t a single person in the back who can change the fact that I am going to continue to continue to dominate the landscape of this company! Now, let’s run through a few topics of interest here before the night gets underway. First off, Brianna Casablancas.
[The crowd explodes with cheers. Lurrr rolls his eyes]
Lurrr: You guys are so stupidly gullible. Anyway, your Central Champion…whatever the fuck that means. We here at OCW do not employ the lame and crippled. So, Brianna…no offense, but your ass it out of here.
[The giant seven footer standing outside of Lurrr’s protective ‘cell’ jots something down on a piece of paper and slams it against the glass. Lurrr leans forward, squints and reads what it has to say]
Lurrr: What’s that?? She isn’t as hurt as we were all led to believe and has already signed on with another company or companies to return to action instantly? Do you HEAR that fans of Brian…na? She left you fuckers high and dry…made up some lame injury excuse and bolted for easier competition. Mia Stone, Scott Syren, Pryde and yours truly scared her away…and you still want to cheer for her? You want to cheer for that cowardly british cock who deserted you in your hour of need? If you do…fine, go right ahead…
[Whispers echo throughout the crowd. Some check their favorite wrestler’s twitter page and find what Lurrr said to be true. Boos begin to emanate throughout the crowd as “Sell out” and “Coward” fill the basketball arena. Lurrr smiles]
Lurrr: Like a spoiled, petulant child…once Brianna saw that daddy Dean was no longer around to protect her, she took her ball(s) and ran away. So, my initial statement stands…we do not employ the lame and crippled. That encompasses the mentally lame and crippled…therefore, Brian…na…will not be returning. I do however appreciate the fact you simpletons will sit there and cheer or boo as I command…it’s quite awesome.
[More boos from the crowd as Lurrr motions to his entourage. They begin threatening the fans with bodily harm again. The fans shut up]
Lurrr: With Brian Casanova no longer around, that means our Central Title is suddenly vacant. I imagine Brian…na…must be heartbroken to hear this...wait, no she’s not…handing titles over is what she’s good at. This title, however, won’t just be given to someone like a piece of trash. This title will be decided at Clash at the Coast between Mia Stone and MJ Bell.
[The crowd displays some pleasure for the first time, cheering for this exciting match]
Lurrr: Yea, yea, whoopty doo and all that crap. Now, for the Western Title…yes, there is a Western Title…where did you idiots all think this was going? Anyone who is actually surprised by this announcement needs to leave this arena immediately.
[A few dumb fans actually leave. Most stay]
Lurrr: Next week, an 8 person tournament will begin. The four winners will go on to face off in two matches at the following Massacre. Those two winners will advance to face Scott Syren in a triple threat match at Clash at the Coast for the OCW Western Title.
[The crowd buzzes with excitement. Lurrr turns around and looks at the entire OCW staff]
Lurrr: Oh and, umm, everyone aside from Belvedere, Smith and Hood are fired. Smith and Hood you guys are on a trial basis for tonight…you will be re-evaluated after Massacre. Oh and just in case you have all forgotten I can do what I want when I want to do it because I am the best that’s ever step foot in a squared circle!
[We cut backstage where Scruff, Gruff, Leo and Skytz all pile into a rental car. Richard is standing out there, watching them]
Skytz: See ya, Richard…it’s been fun.
[Richard pounds his chest several times before flashing the peace sign]
Richard: PEACE!
[With extreme sadness, the foursome fire up their car and drive away. We cut back to ringside]
Smith: I can’t believe half our staff has just been fired
Hood: Bad business move…Leo never received a check. Skytz always supplied the women…Scruff and Gruff worked for peanuts…literally.
Smith: And now there’s some generic looking ref in the ring
Hood: And OUR jobs are on the line
Smith: I hate my life right now
Hood: Normally I’d take pleasure in your misery…but, yea, tonight is pretty shitty…ASIDE from that awesome Operation Zero party
Smith: What did Syren mean by “owner for a night”…I haven’t heard ANYTHING about that
Hood: I don’t know…maybe it was part of an arrangement between Operation Zero and Lurrr…either way, I bet we get confirmation sometime tonight.
Smith: Ugh, I hope no confirmation…I hope that rumor gets debunked ASAP
Hood: Loser
Smith: On that wonderful note…it’s time for our first match of the evening
[Carson and Minus are already in the ring]
Belvedere: Our next match is a tag team match scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, James Carson and B-Minus.
[‘The Walking Dead Theme’ begins to play as PerZag and Bounty Hunter make their way into the ring. They receive a fair amount of boos for being members of Operation Zero. They enter into the ring]
Belvedere: And their opponents…at a combined weight of 432 lbs…they are members of Operation Zero…PerZag and The Bounty Hunter…Listakers!
[Listaker’s theme stops and Belvedere exits. The bell sounds]
Smith: Operation Zero had a tremendous night at Total Demolition and now the Listakers are looking to keep that momentum going.
Hood: No doubt, Smith, no doubt
Smith: Gwen Stefani fan?
Hood: Of her ass, maybe
Smith: Gross
[Hunter and PerZag discuss who should start first as Minus rushes in and begins to attack PerZag from behind. Hunter steps out of the ring as Minus whips Zag into the ropes, Zag bounces off and Minus goes for a lariat. Zag ducks it, bounces off the ropes, jumps into the air and drills Minus with a flying forearm!! Minus falls backwards as Zag rushes over and dropkicks Carson off of the apron to the floor]
Smith: PerZag continues his dominating streak as of late
Hood: No shit…looks like the rise of B-Minus may have finally come to an end
Smith: B-Minus, we barely knew ye
Hood: No, we got to know him far better than we should have
[Zag lifts Minus up to his feet and drills him headfirst into the mat with a DDT. Zag walks over and tags in The Bounty Hunter. At that moment, Carson slides into the ring and rushes towards The Bounty Hunter…Hunter kicks Carson in the gut, lifts him up and hurls him over the top rope and to the floor with a powerbomb!! Carson isn’t moving as the fans all grimace from the tremendous impact]
Smith: Well, there goes Carson
Hood: Yea and that’s extra tough because the ground here in Utah is like rock hard
Smith: How do you figure?
Hood: Rumors, man, rumors
[Hunter yanks Minus to his feet…he hooks Minus and drills him into the mat with a piledriver. Minus body is motionless on the mat as Hunter gets to his feet and kicks Minus around like a piece of trash]
Smith: A trimming of the fat episode, folks and it looks like B-Minus is about to get trimmed.
Hood: Thank goodness…and wasn’t he metal like a week ago?
Smith: I can only assume his metal bandages were removed due to his original wounds healing.
Hood: That or he got some weird rash from the metal on his skin
Smith: Indeed
[Hunter yanks Minus up, he lifts Minus up over his shoulder, positions him and then drops him to the mat with a Tombstone!! Hunter covers Minus as Zag enters into the ring and slaps the mat along with the generic ref]
1!
2!
3!!!!
[The bell rings as Hunter gets to his feet. He shoves generic ref out of the way and only allows PerZag to raise his hand. The two raise their arms in victory]
Belvedere: Here are your winners…LISTAKERS!!!!!
Smith: Impressive win for PerZag and Bounty Hunter
Hood: Listakers…potential tag team champions?
Smith: You never know
[The ring has been cleared when A gong resounds around the arena, turning the lights out, and the crowd silent. A few seconds pass, and the gong resounds again, this tile illuminating the arena, revealing Anubis stood in the middle of the ring. He speaks, the need for a microphone, as usual, not apparent]
Anubis: For many weeks now, I have been asked the same questions time upon time, who am I? Why did I come to OCW? To me, it is about time that these questions were laid to rest, things are less cryptic than they seem. I am here tonight for two reasons. The first comes later this evening, and that is the evisceration of Brian Cady, but now, I stand here before you to present a gift.
[I want to present a gift to someone that I believe may have less than a golden view of me, we have clashed in the past, and that is understandable, but right now, I wish to clear the air, I believe my services can be beneficial to this person. With that said, at this time I would like to ask Miss Amber Ryan to come to the ring]
[Anubis stops speaking, waiting patiently, a number of moments pass, before Valora’s ‘Extreme’ plays. Amber walks out onto the stage, mic in hand, and paces back and forth, she stays up there, not heading down to the ring]
Anubis: Amber, being up there is no good to me, please come to me.
[She looks down at him, before stepping back through the curtain. Anubis’ resolves stays untouched as he waits. She comes back through the curtain a minute later, now carrying a baseball bat in one hand. Amber makes her way to ringside, circling the ring, never taking her eyes of the giant of a man inside the ropes. She finally selects a side, and slides in, leaning back into the turnbuckle, bat resting comfortably on her shoulder.]
Amber: What the fuck do you want?
Anubis: This hostility is uncalled for Amber.
Amber: The last time you and I were alone in a ring together you attempted to end me, permanently.
Anubis: Be that as it may, that was many moons ago. I come here to present you with a gift, and re-extend my offer.
[From his pocket he pulls a long silver chain, at the end of which was a heavy platinum pendant. The distorted angel he had gone to Rome to gain. She stared at the dangling metal, trying her best to make out what it was supposed to be]
Anubis: This is for you, to remind you that your soul will end up this way if you carry on down the path of self-loathing and destruction. I can help you, I can turn that unfocused rage into something useful, something that will take you to the top.
Miss Ryan, have you ever stopped to think, to wonder why even though you have never lost to Young Ripper, he is a two time world champion, and you are not? Why he is competing for main event spots, and you are not? With my help, that could be you, it could be your name in lights, and before you are even aware of what is going on, you could be headlining, on your own.
[Amber looks up at the giant, a fearsome rage in her eyes]
Amber: And why the fuck would I need you to do that?
Anubis: Because if you could have done it on your own, you would have at some point in the last four years, instead, all you have to show for it is a couple of mid card titles, and a tag team championship with the very man you loathe.
Amber: If you’re so special what the fuck do you have to show for it?
Anubis: Two protégés that are former world heavyweight champions, as well as being a six time world champion myself, admittedly never on American soil, but I believe that is irrelevant.
Amber: Course you would, why would your own shortcomings be relevant?
Anubis: Because I am not here for me, I am here for you.
Amber: Well, you can keep looking, now, go fuck yourself.
[Angel turns to leave, Anubis takes one giant stride forward her and grips her shoulder]
Anubis: With my guidance, Becky will no longer be a painful memory, but a powerful ally.
[This seems to put Amber over the edge, she swings with the bat, making Anubis duck out of the way. She steps back into the ring and swings again, this time, prepared, he catches the bat as it comes round, and rips it from Amber’s hands, it falls to the outside as she stands there stunned. He extends his right arm, letting the necklace fall from his hand as he does so. She gently takes it, and he allows it to fall from his grasp]
Anubis: Good, Amber, I am pleased.
[She looks at the hand crafted jewellery, before looking up, right into the eyes of The Silver Haired Giant, her gaze was soft, almost friendly. At least that was until she swung out with her leg, driving her foot where the sun don’t shine. He dropped to one knee, and she saw her change, grabbing the head and wrapping up the arms of the giant she call out for The Original Sin, but Anubis proves too powerful, standing up, letting her dangle from his head, he pushes her off, but before she can get away, he grabs her, slamming her with a chokeslam. He goes to pick her up again, and this time positions her for a tombstone piledriver]
[Behind Anubis’ back, a figure had run through the crowd, and climbed the turnbuckle, as the giant turned around, he spotted the assailant dressed in black, but could do nothing about it has he flew off the top rope and landed a dropkick to Amber Ryan’s back, causing Anubis to stumble, and allowing Amber to fall to a heap on the floor. As Anubis regained composure, the figure geared up and drilled Anubis with a spear, taking the giant off his feet. The mystery man scoops up Amber Ryan and the necklace, and vanishes through the crowd once again]
[Anubis sits up in the ring, for the first time, his usually calm and collected demeanour was gone, in its place stood the mask of a much angrier man than he. The gong sounds, the lights go out, and as it sounds again, he too has vanished]
Smith: Who was THAT??
Hood: Fuck if I know…but he speared the mammoth Anubis down with ease…so, whoever he is, he is strong as bull.
Smith: Indeed…just when you think you’ve got everything with Anubis, Amber Ryan and Danny B figured out…another twist
Hood: Fucking complex, man…but I’m stoked…Anubis seems like a good guy…I’d like to have a beer with him
Smith: Really?
Hood: Yea, he looks like he enjoys a nice Bud Light
Smith: I highly doubt Anubis…if he even drinks beer…would slum with a bud light.
Hood: Oh, well I take it back then…fuck the steve martin hair colored guy
Smith: Right…let’s go backstage
[We cut backstage from earlier in the night…before Operation Zero’s party got started. Lurrr is in his office with a bodyguard standing near his desk. He is looking over several casino flyers. He unearths one for the Aria in Las Vegas. Lurrr finds a complimentary suite with several thousand dollars in slot play. This excites him]
Lurrr: You, go grab Rick Mathis and order him to come in here
[The bodyguard rushes out and shuts the door. Almost instantly the seven foot giant from earlier enters. Lurrr looks up]
Lurrr: Ah, Rick, there’s something I need you to do for me.
Rick Mathis: What do ya need, boss?
Lurrr: We’re going to have Massacre in Las Vegas next week. I want you to find a suitable arena for the show. I mean, it doesn’t have to be nice…just okay, not like the fans want to see these wrestlers anyway. But find a place and then I want you to book this suite at the Aria for me.
[Rick looks over the brochure]
Rick Mathis: But, sir, this brochure says your stay will be Sunday through Tuesday.
Lurrr: Yea, not the weekend but no big deal, Vegas is still kicking during the week.
Rick Mathis: Massacre airs on Monday night. You’re the owner.
Lurrr: Shit…yea, didn’t think about that. Well, in light of this news, I guess there’s only one option for me to choose.
[Mathis moves to rip the brochure up. Lurrr speaks before he can do so]
Lurrr: Go and tell Syren that he can book next week’s show and be owner for a night.
Rick Mathis: Seriously?
Lurrr: Did I fucking stutter?
Rick Mathis: No sir, right away.
[Mathis exits to handle all of his duties given to him by Lurrr. The original bodyguard re-enters to watch over and protect Lurrr. We cut back to ringside]
Smith: Mother of all that is…something…Scott Syren is president for a night next week, apparently.
Hood: Now I REALLY don’t want to get fired…next week is going to be the greatest night in OCW history
Smith: Doubtful…folks, it’s time for our second match of the evening
[Mitchell is already in the ring]
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring with no entrance whatsoever…he comes from Surrey, British Columbia…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 265lbs…Matthew Mitchell!
[”Don’t Stop” by Foster the People hits as the crowd rises to their feet and they show their appreciation and adoration for Dangerous Dan. He sprints down to the ring, slides in under the bottom rope…climbs to the top turnbuckles and poses for the fans]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Smithville, Tennessee…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 225lbs…Dangerous Dan!!
[Belvedere exits as the bell sounds]
Smith: It’s been awhile since Dangerous Dan has won a match here in OCW.
Hood: Yea, I figured the guy would be a champion by now
Smith: Instead, he’s suffered probably the toughest road of any OCW wrestler since our return.
Hood: He almost beat Biff…which is pretty much like a win
Smith: I don’t know about that…but I do know if he can dispose of the rookie Mitchell here tonight…maybe…just maybe that will turn things around for him.
Hood: I’ve never been the biggest Dan fan…but a fed is always better when someone like Dangerous Dan is having success.
Smith: Indeed
[Mitchell and Dan lock up in the center of the ring. Mitchell lifts a knee which causes Dan to stagger against the ropes. Mitchell whips Dan off the ropes, Dan bounces off…he hits the ropes again and charges at Mitchell. Mitchell drills Dan with a lariat, dropping him to the mat as the fans boo Mitchell heavily]
Smith: Obviously a Total Demolition hangover for Dan here
Hood: Yea, maybe the guy forgot how to win?
Smith: Is that possible?
Hood: It’s happened to Richard
Smith: True
[Mitchell pulls Dan to his feet and he whips Dan into the ropes again. Mitchell puts his head down, Dan stops and kicks Mitchell in the face!! Mitchell stands up, swaying back…Dan runs back into the ropes, bounces off and he drops Mitchell with a flying clothesline!! Mitchell hits hard as the crowd erupts in cheers]
Smith: Listen to these fans! They are dying to get behind Dangerous Dan
Hood: Can’t believe they still cheer this guy
Smith: He’s the ultimate fan favorite…if only he could get some momentum…THIS could be the guy that might be able to put an end to the tyranny running OCW currently.
Hood: You mean better than Brian…na?
Smith: Is that even a question?
[Dan quickly gets to his feet and waits for Mitchell to return to his. Mitchell slowly does, staggering around. Dan then drills Mitchell with the ENDD is Near!! Mitchell falls onto his back as Dan rushes to the nearest corner with the crowd chanting “Dan! Dan!”]
Smith: Here we go! Now this is the Dangerous Dan we’ve been expecting!
Hood: Guy is alright, Smith…he’s just been facing Hall of Famers and badasses nonstop…it’s time he got the Kenshin treatment.
Smith: Scuse me?
Hood: Piling up a ton of easy wins
Smith: Umm, not sure I 100% agree with that
[Dan reaches the top rope and stares down at Mitchell who hasn’t moved. He holds his arms up as the fans chant ‘Dan! Dan! Dan!’…Dan leaps off and nails a picture perfect Swanton Bomb!!! The ring shakes from impact as Dan quickly covers Mitchell. Scruff makes the count]
1!
2!
3!!!
[Dan hops to his feet and has his arm raised. You can see on his face how happy and relieved he is to finally be back on the winning track]
Belvedere: Here is your winner…DANGEROUS DAN!!!!!
Smith: Wow! Dominating win for Dan!
[Dan climbs to the turnbuckle and raises his arms in victory, the crowd showing their appreciation for him. Then suddenly the lights go out in the arena and Dan's music stops. The crowd goes quiet and the sound of someone being hit by a chair over and over again fills the arena. The crowd stays quiet and hears a man screaming in agony and more chair-shot sounds... then the lights come back up and Dan is laying in the middle of the ring unconscious. Standing behind him is a giant of a man in The Big Bifford holding a heavily dented steal chair.. The crowd immediately begins booing loudly, screaming at Bifford with hatred. Bifford smiles and slams his boot into the back of Dan's head. He pulls a microphone out of nowhere and raises it to his mouth]
Bifford: You cheer for this guy? This guy who openly admits to the world that he can't beat me? This guy who has been given opportunity after opportunity to defeat me and yet always fails? This is what you cheer? Mediocrity? Subpar wrestling? Shoddy workmanship? No wonder you people live in Utah...
[The people boo Bifford profusely]
Bifford: You see... the problem is that Dan thought I would beat him and then stop... but that's because Dan has a comprehension problem. You see, what Dan didn't comprehend was that I said I would never stop... Ever. I will continue coming after you until you either beat me or until I kill you.
[Dan begins getting to his feet and Bifford walks up behind him and drops his knee with all of his weight onto Dan's kidney. Dan screams out in pain and Bifford looks down at him, shaking his head.]
Bifford: This is your hero! Cheer him! Cheer his attempt to get to his feet!
[Dan begins crawling again toward the ropes and Bifford slams his knee down into his kidney a second time. Dan cries out in pain and Bifford laughs loudly]
Bifford: This is your hero! But who will save him!? Nobody... Because everyone knows this is between him and I. And so Dan.. I challenge you to a match... One on one.. Man vs Man... Though that's not really apt in this case. I should say something like Man vs. Boy, but that would insult boys everywhere. But it's going to be Bifford vs. Dangerous Dan and it's going to be at Clash at the Coast and I'm willing to put it all on the line, Dan... If you win, I will leave you alone forever and will never be seen in OCW again. But if I win.. well.. then you die.
[Bifford watches Dan reach for the ropes and walks over and steps on his hand. Dan screams out in pain as Bifford puts his weight onto Dan's fingers]
Bifford: The match will be a SCYTHE on a POLE match... and if I happen to get the scythe first.. I will kill you. On Pay Per View. For all of these people to see! And then I'll go back to prison...
[Bifford puts more weight on Dan's hand and he begins screaming and struggling]
Bifford: I'll await your answer next week... but if the answer is no... just know that you and your family will never be safe...
[Bifford removes his foot from Dan's hand and Dan rolls over, holding the hand and writhing in pain. That is when Bifford takes a running start and kicks Dan as hard as he can in the face. Dan rolls over and blood begins flowing down his face from his nose]
Bifford: I will follow you to the ends of the earth unless you accept, Dan... You will never be able to get away. NEVER!
[Bifford rolls out of the ring and walks up to a 10 year old fan sitting in the front row. He grabs the DANGEROUS DAN sign that the kid is holding and rips it out of the child's hands. He rolls back into the ring and looks down at Dan, holding the sign]
Bifford: Everyone loves you Dan! Look, they even made you a sign...
[Bifford stands above Dan's beaten down body, looking down into his bloody face. He holds the sign so that Dan can see it and tears it in half]
Bifford: Scythe on a Pole. Clash at the Coast. Your demise. Accept it, Dan, or I'll chase you to the ends of the earth...
[Bifford pulls a lighter out of his pocket and sets the sign on fire. Then he drops the burning sign down on Dan. Dan screams as the fire hits him and rolls out of the ring, escaping any burn-injuries. Bifford just laughs]
Bifford: That's your hero folks... THAT is your hero.
[Bifford shakes his head and smirks at the crowd. They boo him loudly and he rolls out of the ring and begins heading to the back]
Smith: Why can’t he just move on? There are PLENTY of other wrestlers for Bifford to face
Hood: Smith, unless Silverfreak is walking through that door…not likely…Dan is the only wrestler Biff will ever face
Smith: Ugh, it just makes me sick…all of this bullying…I hate it
Hood: Yea, well, wrestling isn’t exactly couples therapy…if you can’t handle some guy attacking you, maybe you should become a figure skater
Smith: Whatever…folks, we have an interest vignette which was submitted earlier today…let’s have a look
[The lights go out in the Smith Spectrum as the OCWTron flickers on. The screen flickers back and forth quickly between white and black. The flickering suddenly stops as a spinning multi-colored wheel starts to show as bagpipes start to blare over the PA system. The crowd is obviously curious since this was the same theme that Scott Syren as The Armored Man used, but they don’t have to wait for long as the music stops along with the pinwheel disappearing from the screen. The screen now shows a figure standing far away from the camera as a single light stretches from the camera all the way to the feet of the person. A voice now accompanies the image]
Voice: For too long the OCW has been without a savior. There has been chaos and destruction since the reopening of the OCW, starting with The Family and now Operation Zero, I won’t even touch on the antics of a now former OCW Central Champion or a man parading around in an armored suit and a lard ass. The time approaches for a savior to come into the OCW and wash all of the sins of current and former competitors here clean.
[ The figure starts to walk forward into the light as the image on the screen cuts off and shows, in white lettering. “It’s Time To Meet Your Maker”. Below that in the bottom of the OCWTron, written in tiny miniscule print there are more words there but the only thing that can be made out is a copyright sign. The screen flickers black and white again quickly before the screen shuts off again and the lights in the arena come back on]
Hood: What the actual fuck was that?
Smith: It has to be Jack Sullivan! He said it’s the savior! Typical Sullivan!
Hood: Well that would be fucking awesome if you were right, but you’re dead wrong.
Smith: How do you know that?
Hood: Ummm…have you met me?
Smith: Sadly a thousand times too many…folks, it’s time for our next match as the Big man known as Anubis debuts in singles competition! Let’s go down to ringside
[Brian Cady is already in the ring]
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Albany, New York…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 225lbs…Brian Cady!
[A signature gong turns out the lights in the arena, another strikes, illuminating a spotlight on the stage, a third resounds, starting the opening crone of Johnny Cash's "God's gonna cut you down'. The Master walks slowly into the spotlight, he stares intently at the ring for a minute, before slowly making his way to ringside, the spotlight following him down. As he reaches the ring, he stops, pulling his right hand across his chest, signalling the steel chairs to move from their position, across the floor, and in front of Anubis. He climbs, pausing at the top to remove his armour and coat. He steps over the ropes, standing still in the ring as the steps move back to their original position. He drops to a knee, bringing his arm into the air, as he pulls it down, the lights in the arena come back on, and a final gong announces the arrival of The Demon of Death]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from The Land of the Pharaohs, standing 7’1 and weighing in at 315lbs…Anubis!
[The bell sounds, Belvedere exits and we are ready to go]
Smith: Well, the singles debut of Anubis…I don’t know about you, but I’m excited.
Hood: Yea, he needs to win this after losing his debut a few weeks ago.
Smith: A tough loss against the great Alice Knight and her tag partner
Hood: WHO?
Smith: Don’t start
[Anubis is standing in the ring when Cady sprints towards him, leaps into the air and dropkicks Anubis in the chest. Anubis doesn’t move as Cady hits the ring and lands on his shoulder roughly. Cady gets to his feet and runs at Anubis, nailing him with a clothesline. Once again, Anubis is unfazed. Cady runs all the way across the ring and sprints towards Anubis with a spear. Again, Anubis doesn’t move. Cady then tries once more…he charges in but receives a giant boot to the face!! Cady lands hard, holding his face in pain]
Smith: Well, so much for that
Hood: Hey, Cady may still have a chance
Smith: Seriously?
Hood: Yea, I’m not even buying that
[Anubis yanks Cady to his feet and delivers a few powerful downward strikes to his forehead. Cady staggers into a nearby corner. Anubis lifts his leg up and crams it into the head and neck of Cady. Generic ref rushes in and orders a break. Anubis removes his leg and takes a few steps back. Cady staggers towards the big man…Anubis lifts him up and drops him to the mat with a sidewalk slam]
Smith: Anubis having a great showing tonight
Hood: Much better than when he faced Quit 4 Food
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Ya see what I did there?
Smith: I really hate it when people ask that
Hood: Yea, it’s a gay internet term but, what the fuck ever
[Anubis pulls Cady to his feet yet again, he grabs Cady around the throat, lifts him up and drills him to the mat with a chokeslam!! Cady is motionless as the fans are starting to rally behind the giant man. Anubis peels Cady off of the mat and double underhooks him for a pedigree. He lifts Cady into the a buster implant stage before dropping to his knees and drilling Cady with a modified reverse tombstone!! Cady is out as Anubis goes for the pin]
1!
2!
3!!!
[The bell rings as Anubis gets to his feet and generic ref gets on his tip toes to raise his giant arm]
Belvedere: Here is your winner…ANUBIS!!!!!
Smith: Tremendous, dominant win for Anubis
Hood: Man, what the fuck has happened to Brian Cady
Smith: Good question…he was on the fast track to success and now…well…
Hood: Now he doesn’t even get an intro
Smith: Indeed.
[Anubis has left ringside and the OCW officials have removed Brian Cady. Everything is quiet and peaceful as we focus on Smith who is sitting more upright than usual…along with Hood. Smith has an extra cheesy smile on his face along with a stack of papers in front of him]
Smith: Well, folks, it’s been a rough night so far. Words can’t express the level of concern being felt by yours truly. Fortunately, there is one bright spot this evening.
Hood: What’s that?
Smith: As one of Dean’s final acts as President...actually, to be fair it WAS his final act. The last document signed by our ex-employer. A document that must be honored by Lurrr tonight which, I’m sure he isn’t overly fond about.
Hood: Lurrr not fond of something? Shock!
Smith: Ladies and Gentlemen, over ten years ago OCW underwent a transformation. The era of D Double D, Slim Shady, Scorpion, Tatum Coe and Tah Murdah had come to an end…a new era was upon us. A slew of talent came rushing in. Probably the most talent OCW has ever had join at once.
Hood: Hard to argue that.
Smith: One man emerged from that group as the absolute best. He went on to win the first ever Rookie’s Night Out…he competed in the first ever Hazardous Ladder Match…a match many OCW purists will say is the greatest match in company history.
Hood: Yep, this guy epitomizes what OCW is all about. He came in as a nobody. I certainly thought he’d be out the door in a few weeks after having his ass kicked around by our veterans. However, he fought, scratched and clawed his way to the top.
Smith: Eventually winning the OCW World Title on two different occasions and now…an event that has taken far too long to come to fruition. Ladies and Gentlemen, please join us in welcoming Andy Murray to the OCW Hall of Fame.
[”The Mob Goes Wild” by Clutch hits the PA system and the pop that follows shakes the arena to its foundations. Andy Murray’s 6’7”, 275lb frame strides through the curtains wearing an immaculately-tailored black suit and a gleaming ear-to-ear grin. He starts his walk to the ring slowly, lapping-up every last drop of adulation]
Smith: There he is, folks! For the first time in twelve years, Andy Murray, OCW’s favourite Scotsman, is back in an Online Championship Wrestling arena!
Hood: Here comes a living, breathing slab of OCW history! Even I have to show my appreciation tonight, Smith. Murray started from the absolute bottom in 2001, but he grew to become one of the sport’s most decorated athletes. He’s earned his place.
Smith: His career is a fine example for any OCW newcomer to follow. Work hard, apply yourself, improve the holes in your game – all with a smile on your face – and you can achieve greatness.
[Slapping hands and stopping for photographs, Murray works his way around the ring before climbing up the steps and through the ropes. Inside, he throws an arm in the air for pops, before calling for a microphone from the technical area. Belvedere hops onto the apron and passes one to the Scot, whose face twists with confusion]
Murray: You’re not Warrick.
[Unsure how to react, Belvedere sighs with relief as Murray’s attention turns away from him and towards the announcing booth]
Murray: And wait, where’s Jones? There’s Smith, Hood, bu--… oh, wait. Hi!
[Remembering why he’s here, Murray turns back to the crowd]
Murray: I can’t lie, OCW – it’s been a hell of a long time, but this feels bloody good! I didn’t know what to expect when Dean reached-out to me with this invitation, but, from the bottom of my heart, I’m both humbled and thrilled by your welcome. Thanks for remembering your history.
Hood: Death, taxes, and Andy Murray playing to the crowd. Some things never change!
Murray: I arrived in 2001: 23-years-old, naïve, enthusiastic and green. Unlike my contemporaries, I didn’t have the flashiest moves, the sharpest catchphrases or a finishing move involving setting myself on-fire – shout-outs to Tommy Flamer – but I knew I liked kicking bad guys in the face, and I knew I was getting pretty good at it. Dean, rightly, threw me in with the dross. My first match was a Television Title Battle Royal against such exalted luminaires as Malice “The Executioner,” Rick Rage and Devin Frost. Notorious tumbleweed magnet Mark Kelley won that night, and I fell down the pile.
Smith: Malice, Frost… wow, that’s going back a while…
Hood: Who the hell is Rick Rage? Is he even a thing?!
Murray: Things started to pick-up when Dean decided I was finally ready to stop wrestling farmyard animals and start facing actual human beings. In July ’01 I defeated approximately seventy-thousand other newcomers at Rookies Night Out. A month later I was Intercontinental Champion, until Silverfreak came along and spoiled the fun.
[Cheers ring out as the Hall-of-Famer, multi-time champion and midget-aficionado’s name is mentioned]
Murray: It didn’t matter in the long-run. By January I’d won the obligatory Apocalypse Now 30-man battle royal. Then, in March, I became OCW World Heavyweight Champion at Razorbacked II. It was the culmination of everything I’d worked for, the apex of my career up until that point, and a feat I’d repeat at the MoB/Blitzkrieg showdown in the summer of 2002.
[Applause ripples throughout the building]
Smith: All this in little over a year, Hood. Murray built himself quite the resume, and he built it quickly.
Hood: He absolutely did, Smith. I can do without the man’s personality at times, but his body of work is undeniably impressive.
Murray: Of course, I went on to take the reins with my old pal Josh Allen. Under Omega we built a new brand and gave a whole new breed of talent the chance to shine, but that’s neither here nor there. Tonight is about Andy Murray, the wrestler, not the executive. I’m old, my body doesn’t quite work the way it used to. I don’t believe in saying “never,” but unless the right opponent appears, my wrestling days are done. It was a hell of a ride, though, and it started right here. I’ve a few people to thank…
[Andy pauses to pull a small piece of paper from his jacket’s inside pocket. He unfolds it and continues]
Murray: First, there’s Dean, who handed me this opportunity in the first place. He may not be holding the reigns today, but the man built this company. Remember that. Then there are all the greats I’ve fought over the years. Silverfreak, Silver Cyanide, Titan 3, El Linchador, The Great One, Josh Allen, and everyone else I’ve forgotten about. Win, lose or draw, thanks for making me better.
[Further applause, this time at the mention of heroes and villainous from bygone days]
Murray: Then there’s Goldie. Thanks, mate, for being really, really terrible at wrestling and padding my record out. Appreciate it. Wherever you are, I hope the fast-food industry’s keeping you busy.
[Murray flashes a wink to the camera]
Murray: Thanks to Kreller Masters for his thrilling title reign and making my two look Herculean by comparison. Thanks to the guy who prescribes Lurrr’s dementia meds for keeping the old donkey’s preposterousness from spiraling completely out of control. Thanks to Smith and Jones for the big-ups, Hood for the snarky back-handers, and Warrick, wherever the hell he is, for making my name sound much cooler than it really is. Thanks to the kid selling hotdogs on aisle 15, the medics, the referees, Leo the High School Intern, Cheesy M, Scoot Time, DEAD motherpluckin’ SOULJA and everyone else who made my OCW run as special as it was.
[Murray stops for a moment and, looking downwards, starts to tear his list into tiny pieces. He tosses them haphazardly over his shoulder, before turning and hopping out of the ring]
Murray: More important than the president, the founder, the greats, the not-so-greats, and everyone else I’ve just mentioned, though…
[He throws a leg into the ringside barrier and pulls himself up]
Murray: … there’s each and every one of you.
[The cheapest of cheap pops nearly blows the arena’s roof off. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, Andy hops down from the barricade and into the crowd]
Hood: CRINGE. Classic Murray cheapness…
Smith: Where the hell’s he going though!?
[Breaking from his speech to dish-out handshakes and high-fives, Murray starts to work his way through the fans and up towards the back of the arena. Soon he turns back to face the ring, microphone raised]
Murray: We wrestlers don’t say this enough. Without the fans, wrestling is just two men in tights slapping each other around a dusty ring and an empty stadium. You made this sport, you made my legacy, and now, as I slink-off into retirement, your memories will keep me going. Thank you.
[Predictably, the pop goes up again. Now far closer to the back row, Murray continues to scale the steps]
Murray: For the Danny B’s and MJ Bell’s of the world – those who may seek to follow in my footsteps – go out there, do your thing, but respect these guys. Without them, we are nothing. This is your federation: make the most of it. And, for the love of God, I know it sounds appealing – double cheese, extra chicken – but leave the TGO Special pizza alone next time you’re in catering. It’ll make you vomit before you’re finished. GOODNIGHT!
[And with that, his place in history complete, the Scot turns and heads backstage, disappearing from OCW television for the very last time]
Smith: There you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen; Andy Murray is the latest induction to the OCW Hall of Fame.
Hood: Congratulations are undoubtedly due, Smith, but that was painful to listen to. I hope he does decide to come back, just so Syren can punch him in the dick.
Smith: Well folks that was a great moment…perhaps the last great moment under the leadership of OCW’s creator and former President, Dean.
Hood: I’m just glad Dean’s gone before he puts another clown in the Hall of Fame…like El Linchador
Smith: I would LOVE to see Linchy in the Hall of Fame
Hood: You would!
Smith: Ugh…folks…what the…
[The lights in the arena black out, and ‘The Walking Dead Theme’ plays on the PA system throughout the arena. The crowd murmurs knowing exactly who it is. The big screen turns on and PerZag and The Bounty Hunter appear on screen in a dark room]
PerZag: “Hello to all once again. You saw us earlier in the night completely destroy B Minus and James Carson. In fact, I should probably go and write their names down now.”
[PerZag steps back and puts his hand in his pocket. He pulls out a piece of paper and a pen. He puts the piece of paper on the wall and starts writing on it]
The Bounty Hunter: “That is right. We have destroyed the first team to take place in front of us. After destroying the first team, we will then destroy the second. The next team we want to face is...”
[The Bounty Hunter stops speaking and looks at PerZag. PerZag is smashing the pen up against the wall. PerZag tosses the pen into the darkness and turns around]
The Bounty Hunter: “What is wrong?”
PerZag: “Fucking pen has ran out of ink. I cannot write their names down.”
The Bounty Hunter: “Do not worry I have a pen right here.”
[The Bounty Hunter puts his hand down into his pants]
PerZag: “No. Do not do it.”
The Bounty Hunter: “Do not do what?”
PerZag: “Do not pull out your fucking dick.”
The Bounty Hunter: “I am not... see.”
[The Bounty Hunter pulls a pen out of his pants and shows it to PerZag]
PerZag: “Oh, OK. Um... just... wait a second.”
[PerZag puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a pair of gloves. He puts the gloves on and grabs the pen. The Bounty Hunter looks at PerZag with a confused look]
PerZag: “You have had that pen in your pants.”
[PerZag puts the piece of paper back up against the wall and writes on it. PerZag stops writing and throws the pen back to The Bounty Hunter, who catches it and puts it back into his pants. PerZag takes off his gloves and throws them into the darkness]
PerZag: “There we are. James Carson and B Minus are now deemed unworthy. They are officially written down on to the list. Next we will fight whoever wants to fight us. Anyone who wants to challenge us can. Just remember what you are getting yourselves into.”
The Bounty Hunter: “Exactly. In fact we will show you what you are getting yourselves into.”
[The Bounty Hunter walks into the darkness and comes out with a wheelchair. B Minus is strapped to the wheelchair. The Bounty Hunter goes back into the darkness and comes out with James Carson strapped to another wheelchair]
PerZag: “If you want to fight us, remember what will happen to you.”
[The Bounty Hunter pulls a taser out of his pants and turns it on. The big screen turns off as a scream is heard throughout the arena. ‘The Walking Dead Theme’ stops playing and the lights come back on as the crowd looks around in horror. We focus back on the announce team]
Smith: Poor B-Minus…I think the guy has experienced enough horror to last twelve men a lifetime
Hood: It’s not THAT bad…maybe like nine men
Smith: Whatever…the point is I think the man has had enough…Lurrr should put him out of his misery
Hood: No doubt that is going to happen
Smith: Good…well, folks, it’s time for our next match up as two former stable mates…two former brothers…two original Family members square off…
Hood: Fuck yes!
[Roach is already in the ring]
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, from Windsor, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 265lbs…Roach!
[The lights dim as a red flashing light brightens up the ringside area as the war sirens of "Indestructible" by Disturbed blast on the PA. After a few seconds the distorted guitar causes the regular lights to quickly flash as "The Incredible" Ian Bishop walks out to a loud chorus of boos and jeers from the local crowd. Bishop smirks at the crowd and slowly makes his way to the ring while winking at hot woman and flipping off children. He rolls into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle and points to the crowd and disregards their hatred for him. Bishop gets off the turnbuckle and stretches the ropes as his music fades.]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 235lbs… “The Incredible” Ian Bishop!!!
[Belvedere exits the ring as the bell sounds]
Smith: Here we go, two original family members squaring off
Hood: Roach has a ton of stitches on the side of his head from Ian’s attack…kind of stupid to be wrestling tonight…like Kenshin levels of stupidity
Smith: Knowing Ian the way I do…he will look to exploit that injury
Hood: I would fucking hope so
[Ian and Roach meet in the middle of the ring. Ian instantly reaches up and rakes the eyes of Roach! Roach stumbles a bit. Ian grabs the head of Roach and drops him to the mat with an Implant DDT. Ian gets to his feet and he starts to stomp away on Roach as viciously as he can. Roach has a hard time preventing the blows from making flush impact]
Smith: Ian is off to a fast start as one has to wonder why Roach would accept a match this shortly after the horrific beatdown he received at Total Demolition.
Hood: Lurrr is trimming the fat, Smith. Roach has been pretty fatty as of late
Smith: Indeed
[Ian goes down and grabs Roach’s head. He reaches for the stitches…Ian gets his fingers into them and rips the stitches off of the side of Roach’s head!! Blood shoots over where as the wound is ripped wide open!! Fans cringe and a few gag as Roach rolls over, holding the side of his head as it leaks onto the mat. Ian holds up the stitches]
Smith: Ugh…disgusting
Hood: Fuck yes! Now that’s how you whip someone’s ass!
Smith: Now, that’s how you maim someone for life
Hood: Hey, if you don’t like it, you shouldn’t be here.
[Ian grabs Roach’s head and he thrusts it back. He then shoves the stitches into Roach’s mouth, poking them into the back of Roach’s throat! Roach gags them up and begins coughing like crazy as Ian laughs and then starts to punch the gash on the side of Roach’s head]
Smith: For the love of all that is holy…stop the match!
Hood: Why? This isn’t a first blood match…keep this bitch going
Smith: Roach is going to be ruined for life!
[Ian continues to punch and grab at the wound on the side of Roach’s head. He takes his elbow and digs it into the wound. Roach starts slapping the mat, tapping out. The ref calls for the bell and it sounds as the fans boo Ian’s sadistic side]
Belvedere: Here is your winner… “THE INCREDIBLE” IAN BISHOP!!!!!
[Ian continues on Roach until the ref yanks Ian off of Roach. Blood is all over Ian’s hand…some on his face and the mat is covered with it. Ian looks at the ref…he kicks the ref in the gut, hoists him up and drops him with the Incredible Drop as the fans boo loudly]
Smith: That man is out of control!
Hood: He’s making a statement, Smith…and I guarantee Lurrr likes it
Smith: Ugh…I’m absolutely sick at my stomach.
[Roach rolls out of the ring as Bishop heads over to Belvedere and snatches the mic from his hands. He rolls back into the ring as a “Family Sucks” chant begins to erupt. Bishop shakes his head at the crowd, in approval, as he speaks]
Ian Bishop: For once in my life, Utah, I actually agree with you. Last Sunday that piss poor excuse of a team went into Tombstone and got their assess kicked by those bunch of women. I tried my very best to get to that ring in time to kick some teeth in but unfortunately it didn’t work out like that, which leads me to the reason I’m talking… who the fuck shanked me?
[The crowd begins to murmur as Bishop looks at Roach on the ground who is still catching his breath]
Ian Bishop: It couldn’t have been Roach or Slater… those two get too fucking high to think of something up like that. It wasn’t Marauko, he got kidnapped well over a month ago… and no matter how much I could’ve pissed off the girls in War Games, and I know they wouldn’t stoop to that level… which leaves me with two people: Dean and Fuller.
[A mixed reaction from the crowd ensues on the mention of those two names]
Ian Bishop: I thought for the longest time it was Dean, of course, he wanted the Family to die from the get go and had no respect for us as a team. However, when he got into the ring and fought for his career on our side against those woman, not only did I realize it wasn’t him cause in that case he wouldn’t have got me stabbed just to go out in fashion, but I also gained a lot of respect for the man as he fought for his career… but I still don’t like him, sucka! So, that leaves you, Sean Fuller.
[Bishop turns towards the entrance ramp after finally telling his story to the crowd and begins to directly engage with the other former-stable mate]
Ian Bishop: You got onto our team because I wanted you; Marauko didn’t give a shit about you. It was me who said to him “look at this kid, he looks good, he would be really valuable” so you have me to thank for where you’re at today, pal. Then after you lose to Casablancas a few weeks ago, shit just went down the drain… I bet it was you that made Marauko disappear you psychopathic motherfucker. And then, you stabbed me. You destroyed us from the inside out… that’s it. I’ve had enough… get the fuck out here now so I can kick your ass.
[Bishop drops the mic as the crowd buzzes, waiting to see if Fuller will show up. A few moments go by when "Nexus" by Amaranthe picks up and all eyes and cameras go towards the stage and wait there for much too long. One cameraman swings back and catches Sean climbing into the ring behind Ian and putting the far end of a three foot long steel pipe to his back as he stands there dressed in a sleeveless shirt and a pair of khaki dress pants. Bishop feels the edge of the pipe on his back as he turns around quickly to see Fuller standing there with a smirk on his face. Bishop noticeably begins to breathe heavily as he picks the mic back up and gets right into Fuller's face]
Ian Bishop: I know you're the one that almost killed me, wasn't it?
[Bishop holds the mic out for Fuller to take it but he just stands there twirling the steel pipe around with that look on his face, which turns Bishop's face bright red in anger]
Ian Bishop: Answer the fucking question!
[Sean holds out his other hand and takes a different microphone having taken enough from Ian already or so everyone thinks]
Sean Fuller: Yeah it was me who took Marauko and it was me who stabbed you, but you want to know the one thing I did NOT do?
Ian Bishop: What?!
Sean Fuller: I did not shoot the deputy!
[Bishop's eyes fill with rage as he walks towards a turnbuckle and grabs his hair trying to control his temper. However, Bishop drops the mic and pulls out the same spiked brass knuckles he used last week that still has blood on them. He turns around and lunges toward Fuller, going for a smash in the face, but stops unexpectedly. He looks at Fuller before smirking and holding out Fuller's hand for a handshake. Sean pulls Ian in and hooks an arm around him with a manly embrace to follow up the handshake. Sean pulls back]
Sean Fuller: Did you really think we weren't smart enough to plan our great escape from that sinking ship?
[He directs his words out to the fans, who are now booing as Bishop nods in approval]
Ian Bishop: And now that the trash has finally been taken out, it’s time to set our eyes on two individuals who haven't had a real test for their championship gold yet... who are they, Fuller?
[Sean at this point isn't really paying attention, he is picking at a scratch on his pipe, but he eventually looks up looking like a deer in the headlights]
Sean Fuller: What? Oh, right... the tag team champions. Some interracial gay couple right?
[Bishop moves his microphone away from his mouth as he whispers into Fullers ear, who nods about the information Bishop is telling him about the champs, as he then laughs and Bishop pulls the mic back to his lips]
Ian Bishop: That's right the tag team champions. So that's Amber Ryan and Danny B, we officially are challenging you to a match at Clash at the Coast for your OCW Tag Team Championship belts. One thing you will learn is that I crave championship gold... it is something I have wanted since losing the Central Championship, and... well Fuller, all he wants is blood, right?
Sean Fuller: "Sure, why not. I'll take the chick... Annette Redhop right?"
Ian Bishop: Ah... close enough. So Ripper and Distorted Angel... you've been notified of events to come. At Clash at the Coast, we will take those belts from your hands and make the beach water dye in blood because we are Ian Bishop...
Sean Fuller: Sean Fuller...
Both: Victory Denied!
[“The Whale Song” by Modest Mouse plays from the PA as both Bishop and Fuller drop their mics and hold their arms up as the crowd boos. They leave the ring and head backstage as we cut back to the announcers]
Smith: While I’m no fan of Ian’s actions tonight…that team is certainly a formidable one
Hood: If Danny B and Amber are smart…they will issue a challenge to defend their titles at Clash at the coast against the newest tag team in OCW
Smith: Really? You’re advocating a fighting champion? That’s new
Hood: James Carson and B-Minus!!
Smith: Ugh, should’ve seen that coming…
Hood: Well, hey, at least that’s what I would do
Smith: First true statement of your career…folks, let’s head backstage
[We cut backstage where Arryk Rage is seen marching down the hallway. The crowd erupts in cheers after witnessing his gutty performance a week ago at Total Demolition. Arryk is approaching the office of Lurrr. We know this due to the amount of personnel guarding the door. Rick Mathis steps in front of Arryk. Arryk’s head comes up to his chest…Arryk looks up]
Arryk Rage: Do you mind? I have a few things I’d like to say to our new owner.
Rick Mathis: Our owner is rather busy at the moment. You can leave the message with me.
[Arryk tries moving past Mathis…Mathis just side steps, remaining in his path. Arryk grits his teeth and balls up his fist. Mathis takes in a deep breath, ready for what Rage might try next]
Arryk Rage: What you guys did to Dean…after everything he did to save that match…it wasn’t right.
Rick Mathis: Oh, so you’re some big Dean fan all of a sudden, right?
Arryk Rage: I’m just saying…there’s right…there’s wrong and then there’s whatever the fuck this is.
Rick Mathis: Your concerns have been noted and will be passed along whenever our esteemed owner has the time to hear them.
Arryk Rage: What kind of owner doesn’t take the opportunity to speak with his talent?
Rick Mathis: He’s already addressed the talent. It was a pretty black and white statement. If anybody needs any further clarification, well, that’s their fault, not his. Besides, since when did you become an ‘active’ talent…as a matter of fact, why are you even back here? Gentlemen, toss this has been outside.
[A few bodyguard or henchman, whichever you prefer, go after Arryk. He starts to fight them off…Arryk shows great determination and ability by warding off three men at one time. A few get some punches in but, for the most part, Arryk is winning the battle. That is until Mathis steps in and kicks Arryk in the head with his big boot! Arryk falls against the marble floor. Mathis picks Arryk up and jackknife powerbombs him to the marble surface!! His head makes a SICK crack against the floor. Mathis grabs a chair and repeatedly slams it against Arryk’s head until we see blood start to flow out of his ear hole. A henchman comes up and grabs Mathis on the shoulder to stop him. Mathis drills this guy in the face with the chair. Mathis then hurls the chair against the wall]
Rick Mathis: Toss that piece of trash in the dumpster.
Henchman: But, sir, I think he needs medical…
Rick Mathis: Don’t FUCK with me…the dumpster, now
[The Henchman doesn’t argue and tends to Arryk. Lurrr’s office door opens as he peeks out ]
Lurrr: What’s going on out here? I’m trying to get some work done.
Rick Mathis: Just taking care of business, sir
[Lurrr sees a bloody Arryk being dragged away. He smiles]
Lurrr: Good work…I don’t want any idiots coming near my office. I can’t stand this roster, they make my fucking skin crawl. So, just keep them away from me.
Rick Mathis: Absolutely
[Lurrr retreats back into his office as Mathis resumes guard duty with several other guards. We cut back to ringside]
Smith: That is horrific…Lurrr is running this place into the ground!
Hood: Umm, no…Dean would’ve hired Arryk and placed him in a title match. Arryk would have then either vanished or stole the title before the show and vanishing with it…Lurrr is SAVING OCW
Smith: Bee ess! Let’s go down to ringside for our next match as Richard looks to get his first win in singles competition against the very promising, Bob Grenier
[Richard is already standing in the ring]
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from New Jersey…standing 5’8 and weighing in at 225lbs…Richard!
[“Understanding the New Violence” by Uncut begins to play as the fans stand and a few toss out some boos as one of the top rising wrestlers in OCW, Bob Grenier walks down to the ring. He enters into the ring, ready for the match]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs…Bob Grenier!!
[Belvedere exits the ring. The bell sounds]
Smith: Rumors swirling that Richard has one more shot to get his act together…otherwise, President Lurrr is going to fire him.
Hood: As much as I love Lurrr…I don’t think I could agree with that decision. Richard is the hard and soul of OCW.
Smith: If that statement is true…we are screwed.
[Richard attempts one of his 180 moves on Grenier. We don’t really know what move it is as he performs it poorly. Grenier blocks whatever it was and grabs Richard by the throat. He starts to paintbrush Richard with slaps…open palm and back handed. Richard staggers back into the corner as Grenier finally drills him with a stiff right hand, causing Richard to go weak in the knees]
Smith: Typical start for Richard
Hood: Fucking Richard…that must have been move #181 he attempted…obviously, he has yet to perfect it.
Smith: Obviously
[Grenier doesn’t have to, but he pokes Richard in the eye anyway, just to show off how heel he is. He grabs Richard under his arm and hiptosses him into the middle of the ring. Grenier walks over and drops a leg across Richard’s throat. Then, while still on the mat, clutches the throat of Richard and clamps down, choking the life out of the lovable loser…the fans boo]
Smith: This is totally uncalled for!
Hood: What are you talking about? Richard was spewing mad raps in Grenier’s face…it’s only natural he’d retaliate with vicious violence.
Smith: I didn’t hear a WORD fall from Richard’s lips
Hood: It was mind rapping, Smith. Richard is going to revolutionize the industry
Smith: Doubtful
[Generic ref starts to get after Grenier. Grenier gets to his feet, but maintains his vice grip on Richard’s throat, yanking him to his feet. He twirls Richard around and slaps on the Million Dollar Dream. However, instead of attempting to put Richard to sleep, he tosses him over his head with a suplex!! Richard lands on his head and neck and is now motionless in the center of the ring]
Smith: This one appears to be over
Hood: Are we really THAT surprised?
Smith: I guess not…maybe for the lack of whacky Richard shenanigans
Hood: It’s the Lurrr-era…the Lurrrera…whack shenanigans are a thing of the past.
Smith: Indeed
[Grenier pulls Richard to his feet and lifts him up, placing him on the top turnbuckle. Grenier then grabs Richard, draping him over his shoulders before maneuvering Richard into position. He then drops Richard onto the mat with a musclebuster!! Grenier goes for the pin as the generic ref makes the count]
1!
2!
3!!!!
[The bell rings as Grenier gets his arm raised in victory]
Belvedere: Here is your winner…BOB GRENIER!!!!!
Smith: Easy win for Bob Grenier which puts Richard’s future in doubt
Hood: Well, at least he’s got rodeo clown to fall back on. I, however, am super impressed with Grenier.
Smith: Indeed…he was so close to winning the Internet title and rather than run away like some other wrestlers…he showed up tonight and kicked some tail!
Hood: Something like that…dude is fucking tenacious…big things on the horizon for Grenier.
Smith: Indeed…Indeed
[In the backstage area, Lurrr is sitting in his office. Working on a to-do list…option #1 reads “Fire the idiots”….option number 2 reads “Hire Badasses”…Option #3 is blank…he taps the bottom of the pen against his notepad. He looks up at his bodyguard]
Lurrr: Go fire James Carson? He’s a huge fucking loser
[Lurrr’s bodyguard nods and exits. Lurrr is, for the first time, alone in his office…his office which is heavily guarded so no other OCW wrestler can enter in there and greet him face to face. Suddenly, a toilet flushes and Lurrr’s bathroom door opens. Lurrr turns his head and sees Bifford stepping out of the bathroom and into Lurrr’s office. Lurrr has a total look of confusion on his face]
Bifford: You summoned me?
Lurrr: I certainly did not
Bifford: Great, now, about my match with Dan
Lurrr: How in the hell did you get in there? I’ve been sitting here the entire night
Bifford: As president of OCW I decree that the scythe on a pole match take place at Clash at the Coast. Main Event…with sharks swimming around the ring so I can watch Dan die twice
Lurrr: Yeah, Bifford... fat man.. listen.. I like your moxie in challenging Dangerous Dan for the tenth time... but we can't have people murdering people with scythes on Pay Per View. And, you’re not the president…I am.
Bifford: Great, Commish, glad we are on the same page here
Lurrr: No we are not! We cannot have murder take place on a Pay Per View event!
Bifford: Yes, we can.
Lurrr: No, I'm pretty sure lots of people will have problems with that.
Bifford: Nobody would have a problem with me killing Dan... Nobody likes him.
Lurrr: Jimmy Buffet likes him.
Bifford: I don't even know who that is...
[Lurrr gives Bifford an uneasy look]
Lurrr: Listen... fat man.. what if we did a steal cage match?
[Bifford shakes his head]
Lurrr: Barbed wire match?
[Bifford shakes his head.]
Bifford: Scythe match. Or else I, the President, WALKS and OCW dies.
[Lurrr looks uncomfortable with this conversation]
Lurrr: Oh for fucks sake…you are not the president…if you were, why not just make the match? Who cares what I have to say…
Bifford: I need your blessing…I always need Lurrr’s blessing. How can I have a scythe on a pole match…murder Dan and then go to prison forever without having your blessing? It would haunt me for the rest of my days
Lurrr: Listen…even if I wanted to…the lawyers…
Bifford: Why are you even worried? Dangerous Dan is a coward. He's not going to accept. He's going to run away like the cry baby that he is and leave OCW. He has no balls.
[Lurrr looks at Bifford with some apprehension, but seems to be considering his points]
Bifford: Dan knows I will win... He knows he can't beat me. So he won't accept. He'll just go into hiding like the wimp he is. So what's the big deal? Let me challenge him to the scythe match. Cool?
[Lurrr reluctantly nods]
Bifford: I knew you'd see it my way...now, as President, I must be leaving…my time is extremely precious. I’ve already ordered tons of mules, ice skates and giant teddy bears.
Lurrr: For the last time, you are NOT the president of OCW…I am!
Bifford: Silly Lurrr…if I weren’t President then why did I order all the mules, skates and bears?
[Lurrr holds his arms out and talks to Biff as if he’s mentally challenged]
Lurrr: Because you’re fucking insane
[Bifford just turns and walks back into the bathroom. He shuts the door. The toilet flushes again. Lurrr angrily storms to the bathroom and he rips the door open. It’s empty…Lurrr looks around, confused. He sits back at his desk. Lurrr revisits his pad of paper with "TO DO" written at the top. He adds "#3 - get rid of Bifford," on the paper and then sets it down. We cut back to ringside]
Smith: Well…that was strange
Hood: But it does look like Lurrr sanctioned the Scythe on a Pole match!
Smith: IF Dan accepts…I pray he doesn’t…it’s a trap, obviously
Hood: Hey, one day Dan is going to have to beat Biff…it’s the only way this will end
Smith: Sad but probably true…folks, it’s time for our next match as the 80 year old Ehud looks to remain unbeaten as he takes on KC3…let’s go down to ringside!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, from Loveladies, New Jersey…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 207 lbs…K. Carlton Davison III…KC3!!
[Not much from the crowd for KC3 when, suddenly, “Fuck Was I” by Jenny Owen Young begins to play and the crowd goes wild for one of the popular…old…new stars in OCW, Ehud of Moab makes his way to the ring. He enters into the ring]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Moab, Utah…standing 5’5.75” and weighing in at 140lbs…Ehud of Moab!!!
[Belvedere exits as the bell sounds]
Smith: Can the old, wily Ehud keep his undefeated streak going?
Hood: Well, he is facing a man who makes Fried Chicken for a living
Smith: Where did you hear that?
Hood: KFC
Smith: KC3…for the love, can’t you ever get anything right?
Hood: Sorry, wild weekend in Utah…these mormons throw SICK parties
[KC3 sprints at Ehud, ready to take down the old man. Ehud throws the Biblical Left Hook, knocking KC3 to the mat. The fans erupt in cheers]
Smith: Wow, this one could be super quick
Hood: I’m telling you, that’s the most vicious left hook I’ve ever seen.
Smith: It is something fierce
Hood: It reminds me of when Jason Voorhees punched that guy’s head off in one of those shitty Friday the 13th films.
Smith: Good think for KC3 Ehud is not Jason Voorhees.
[Ehud rolls KC3 over and locks in his signature camel clutch. KC3 taps out immediately as the bell rings and Ehud gets to his feet with his arm raised]
Belvedere: Here is your winner…EHUD OF MOAB!!!!!
Smith: Fastest match ever
Hood: At least the Easter bunny put up a fight
Smith: Indeed…and, it appears more fat has been trimmed.
Hood: Yea, adios excess baggage
Smith: Well, folks…some strange footage has been recently made available to us here at OCW. Without authorization from the higher ups as I hear Lurrr is busy securing his already secured office…we’ve decided to go ahead and run it…let’s take a look
[We cut to a taped feed. Inside a dark room lit by lanterns, candles and a fireplace…a group of Hispanic men sit around eating a roasted pig. The majority of the swine has been devoured leaving only the parts which are typically saved for their dogs. The man at the head of the table drops a giant bone on his plate, picked clean. He sits back and wipes his mustache free of grease and grime. He addresses a colleague of his a few feet down]
Hispanic Leader: Paulo, alimentar lo que es las sobras a nuestro nuevo amigo
Paulo: Pero señor, pensé que eran para los perros
Hispanic Leader: Uno de mis órdenes pregunta otra vez y se unirán a nuestro nuevo amigo
Paulo: Sí, señor, Disculpe, señor
[Paulo grabs a bowl and dumps all the leftovers inside. He stands up from the table and walks off. We follow Paulo. He opens a door and heads down a long, dark stairwell. The staircase is winding around a bricked wall lined with lanterns nailed into it. Paulo reaches the bottom. The floor is dirt as this basement, of sorts, was obviously dug out of the ground in crude fashion. Paulo grabs a torch and makes his way through the basement. As he does, the light reveals cells. Prison cells at the bottom of the winding stairwell. It is unclear whether or not any of these cells are occupied. Paulo reaches the back wall of this basement and turns to the final cell. A dark shadow covers the back, only revealing half of the cell. Paulo sets the torch in a holder outside of the cell, bends down and places the bowl of pig guts through a hole wide enough for the bowl, laying it on the ground. Paulo stands up and grabs his torch…he watches and waits…nothing happens]
Paulo: Señor, you must eat.
[Paulo watches anxiously, showing deep concern for the prisoner inside. A hand wrapped in bandages emerges from the shadows. It grabs the bowl of ‘food’ and hurls it against the wall. The clay bowl shatters against the hard, cement like texture comprising the wall. The hand vanishes back into the darkness as Paulo lowers his head and shakes it]
Paulo: I shouldn’t be forced to watch a man starve himself to death…it isn’t fair.
Voice: Life isn’t fair…get used to it.
[Paulo can only shake his head before turning to exit. Our video feed ends and we are taken back to the arena]
Smith: What do you suppose that is all about, Hood?
Hood: Some debuting or returning wrestler…
Smith: That would seem to be the case…but who?
Hood: Well he seems very upset and angry so I’d say…Jedit Omen?
Smith: I doubt it’s that guy
Hood: Oh…well…umm…maybe Pete Parker’s dick quit working and he’s all upset cause he can no longer shoot porn movies?
Smith: And now he’s going to return to OCW?
Hood: Bingo
Smith: Doubtful…but I guess it’s as good a guess as any…well, folks…it’s time for out Triple Threat match this evening as Jason Xavier looks to get back to his winning ways as he takes on Samson and the debuting Altera Moon!
Hood: Moon over butter!
Smith: Riiiight…let’s go down to ringside
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…our next match is a triple threat match which will be conducted under elimination rules.
[Samson is already in the ring]
Belvedere: Introducing first, Samson…not the one from the Bible…
[The Wolf Among Us Prologue Song begins to play as the fans stand and watch OCW newcomer Altera Moon make her way to the ring. She has a solid demeanor which comes across positively to the fans. Moon enters into the ring]
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Portland, Oregon by way of Dortmund, Germany…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 127lbs…Altera Moon!!
[As "Lights Out" By Hollywood Undead begin to blast through the P.A. system, white smoke fills the entrance a figure steps in and can be seen in the smoke and Jason X stands at the top of the entrance with his arms up in an X form. He continues to walk down the ramp and enters the ring; he then climbs the turnbuckles and again puts his arms in an X form]
Belvedere: The third and final competitor coming down the aisle…he is from Las Vegas, Nevada…he stands 5’10 inches tall and weighs 216lbs…Jason Xavier!!
[Belvedere exits and the bell sounds]
Smith: Interesting match here, Hood as Altera Moon was a late addition to the lineup.
Hood: Why is her last name Moon?
Smith: I’m guessing her parents may have been big on astronomy? Or space satellites?
Hood: Space satellites? Are they any good? DirecTV has really been pissing me off lately.
Smith: I don’t know how to answer that
[The massive Samson goes right after Moon, possibly due to her size or maybe he finds her attractive. We can’t be sure due to the fact Samson never speaks. He attempts to grab Moon but Moon darts out of the way using her superior quickness. She runs into the ropes, bounces off, Samson turns around and Moon drills him in the face with a spinning wheel kick!! Samson staggers against the ropes. Suddenly, like a blur, Xavier throws a superkick out of nowhere under Samson’s chin sending the big man over the top rope and to the outside]
Smith: Great move by Jason Xavier who is participating in his first match since losing to Quit for Food a few weeks ago.
Hood: Samson had some hungry eyes for Altera Moon…would you call that attempted sexual harassment?
Smith: I’m not sure what you would call it
Hood: MAYBE he recognized Altera…like she’s some kind of long lost friend and wanted a hug
Smith: Doubtful
[Xavier turns around and is caught with a superkick from Moon!! He staggers into the corner, visibly shaken from the impact of Moon’s kick. Moon charges in and lifts a knee to Xavier’s head. She then whips Xavier across the ring where he slams into the opposing corner. Moon charges in and spears Xavier deeper into the corner. She then whips him across the ring for a second time. Again, Xavier slams into the corner. Moon sprints in a third time. This time, however, Xavier lifts his leg nearly taking Moon’s head off!! She collapses to the mat, holding her face in pain]
Smith: Went to the well one time too many
Hood: What well? Like a wishing well?
Smith: A water well
Hood: I fucking hate wells…you know how many unfulfilled wishes in the form of United States and Mexican currencies of mine are stuck at the bottom of a fucking well?
Smith: Maybe you shouldn’t aim so high when you wish
Hood: That’s the whole fucking point of wishing! You don’t wish for a cracker…you wish for A clown named El Payaso to casually hang out in the men’s restroom at a fancy restaurant to creep all the businessmen out
Smith: What? Like a bathroom attendant?
Hood: NO! He cannot be viewed as employed…that would explain his existence in the bathroom. He just needs to stand around. Maybe he can tell really bad jokes while guys are holding their dicks and trying to urinate. How awesome would that be?
Smith: Just…ya know…can we just call the match? It IS evaluation night
Hood: Hey, if Lurrr can’t see the awesomeness behind El Payaso the terrible bathroom clown…then I’m not sure I want to work here anymore.
[Xavier yanks Moon to her feet. He gives her a quick kick to the gut, causing her to double over. Xavier hooks her head, lifts her up high in the air and drops her to the mat with a perfectly executed vertical suplex. Xavier heads to the nearest corner which he scales with ease. Looking down at Moon, he’s about to jump off when Samson enters. Xavier turns his attention to Samson…he jumps off and kicks Samson in the face!! Samson falls to the mat, holding his face in pain]
Hood: Why did he re-enter the ring? What a moron…he can’t be pinned outside the ring, only in it.
Smith: Yea, well he can’t win it out there either.
Hood: HAHAHAHA…you’re funny, bro
[Xavier pulls Samson to his feet, kicks him in the gut, locks him for an unprettier…twirls him around and drops him to the mat! Samson’s face slams into the mat as Xavier rolls his body over and goes for the pin. Generic Ref makes the count]
1!
2!
3!!!
Smith: Samson has been eliminated
Hood: Shouldn’t have got back in that ring
Smith: Hindsight is 20/20 but, yes, rolling back into the ring definitely cost Samson the match.
Hood: That and his complete and utter lack of in ring ability
Smith: Indeed…now Xavier just needs to put Altera Moon away and he’ll have himself a great rebound win.
Hood: Moon…the rebound girl…sucks
[Samson is rolled out of the ring by OCW security and then immediately hauled off to Parts Unknown where he will remain forever. Xavier hops back to his feet and goes after Moon who has been gathering strength in the corner. Xavier nears Moon…she springs to life with a forearm uppercut! Xavier staggers back. Moon runs into the ropes, she bounces off and leaps in the air with a spinning wheel kick but Xavier catches her!! He then tosses her over his head with a Capture Suplex!! Moon lands hard on the mat]
Smith: Nice move by Xavier to stop the momentum of Altera Moon
Hood: What’s with all these guys wanting to hug Altera Moon?
Smith: It was a wrestling move, not a hug
Hood: Oh, I just thought he hugged her…she smelled and he tossed her away
Smith: No, that’s not even close to what transpired
[Xavier pulls Moon back to her feet and he lifts her onto his shoulders…he flips Moon into the air looking to drop her with a modified Death Valley Driver. Moon lands on her feet and sprints into the ropes…Xavier is confused, he turns around and walks right into a flying knee from Moon!! It drills Xavier in the face and he falls to the mat]
Smith: Altera Moon calls that the Lunar Eclipse!
Hood: Man, that was vicious…I bet Xavier has a hole in his face.
Smith: Let’s not get carried away here
Hood: Okay, perhaps slight bruising
Smith: Whatever is left behind we know one thing…Altera likes to use that move to set up her finisher, Ante Meridiem
[Moon pulls Xavier to his feet and she goes to hook him for an unprettier. Xavier clubs Moon in the back of the head! He grabs Moon’s arm and goes for his finisher X Driver II. He has Moon positioned and is about to drop her when she headbutts him in the back! She does it again and again until Xavier loosens his grip. He turns around and receives a roundhouse kick to the side of the head! Moon then hooks Xavier for an unprettier again and drops him face first into the mat!! Xavier is left lying face down as Moon rolls him over and goes for the pin]
1!
2!
3!!!
[The ref raises Moon’s arm in victory]
Belvedere: Here is your winner…ALTERA MOON!!!!!
Smith: Wow, exciting series there at the end as Altera Moon was one step ahead of Jason Xavier.
Hood: Shit, I thought Xavier was going to win tonight…sucky loss for that guy
Smith: How do you know? Altera Moon could be really good…she was certainly impressive tonight.
Hood: Yea, I’ll give her credit…she did look pretty solid
Smith: Indeed…well folks, our next Pay Per View event is slated for Sunday, May 25th on the beach in Hawaii! It is called Clash at the Coast…here’s a graphic promoting the event
[We cut to a special image advertising Clash at the Coast]
[We cut back to the broadcast]
Smith: Looks like a great event…hopefully we still have jobs by that point
Hood: I know how you will…but someone…
[Hood not so covertly points at Smith]
Hood: Is in serious fucking trouble
Smith: Yea and I don’t believe it is me…how about time for our next match…two debuting superstars take on one another as Mark Storm goes one on one with Kevin Bourne
Hood: Hey, why the fuck not?
Smith: Love your enthusiasm
[“Pain” by Three Days Grace begins to play as the fans watch OCW newcomer, Kevin Bourne, make his way down to the ringside area]
Belvedere: This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Kansas City, Missouri, standing 6’4 and weighing in at 230 lbs…Kevin Bourne!
[Kevin Bourne is already standing in the ring. The lights in the arena engulf into darkness, as the eyes of the audience are now glued on the entrance ramp as they wait patiently for the arrival of Mark Storm. Playing through the PA System "Fly Away" by Lenny Kravitz, as pyrotechnics shoot up around the stage as the audience get up on their feet and cheer as emerging from the tunnel is Mark Storm who stands on the top of the entrance ramp. With a smirk on his face, the future of wrestling raises his arms up high in the air, embracing the love of the audience before making his way down to the entrance ramp]
I wish that I could fly
I'd fly above the trees
Oh I want to get away
[At this point, Storm has reached the bottom of the entrance ramp, after connecting with high fives with a few of the audience members by the ramp. He jumps onto the apron before entering the ring, immediately he hoists himself up onto the nearest turnbuckle, with his hands crossed together in an x position he raised his arms up in the air, glaring at the thousands in attendance holding their OCW merchandise and chanting his name. Storm jumps down from the top rope, licking his dry lips as he goes over to his corner clasping his hands together as he is prepared for action]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Brooklyn, New York, standing 6’3 and weighing in at 246lbs…Mark Storm!
[Storm is in the ring. Belvedere leaves. The bell sounds]
Smith: Here we go folks, OCW newcomer Mark Storm is set to make his debut against Kevin Bourne.
Hood: I’m picking Mark Storm in this one!
Smith: He is impressive, however, maybe Kevin Bourne will bounce back.
Hood: You never know
[Bourne and Storm lock up. Bourne knees Storm in the stomach and throws him into the ropes. Storm bounces off and Bourne drops Storm with a hiptoss. Storm lands on the mat hard. Bourne kicks Storm in the back with a stiff left foot. Bourne yanks Storm back to his feet and throws him into the corner. Storm hits hard. Bourne charges in and drills a knee into Storm’s midsection. Storm falls to his knees as the fans watch on]
Smith: Fast start for Kevin Bourne
Hood: Sure is…very surprising.
Smith: If he wins tonight, I’d consider it a mild upset.
Hood: Against a guy who’s never wrestled before?
Smith: A lot of buzz surrounding Mark Storm
Hood: Hmm
[Bourne grabs Storm by the head and lifts him to his feet. Storm shoves Bourne off of him and kicks him in the ribs. Storm nails Bourne with some forearm uppercuts under the chin. He pushes Bourne into the ropes, Bourne bounces off and Storm grabs him tossing him to the mat with a belly to belly suplex]
Smith: Mark Storm has taken control
Hood: That was quick
Smith: Indeed
[Bourne gets to his feet, Storm grabs him from behind, lifts him up and drops him with a German suplex. He rolls over, they get to their feet again and Storm drops Bourne with another German suplex. He rolls over a third time, both get to their feet and Storm drills Bourne into the mat with a third german suplex! The crowd starts to get behind the offense of Mark Storm]
Smith: Impressive strength and endurance shown by Mark Storm
Hood: I’m not a fan of the way he wears his boots
Smith: What?
Hood: I wish someone would wrestle in slippers…you know, house slippers. That’d be cool
Smith: Uhh no, it wouldn’t
[Storm gets to his feet a bit winded from the three straight german suplexes, but nothing he can’t deal with. Bourne gets to his feet. Storm lifts his leg and kicks Bourne in the head with a roundhouse kick! Storm then reaches out, grabs Bourne’s head, hooks it and he drops Bourne with a reverse DDT!! Storm goes for the pin]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Kickout by Kevin Bourne...he’s finally showing signs of life
Hood: Let’s hear it for Big Kev!
Smith: Hear! Hear!
[Storm gets to his feet and he carries Bourne to his feet. He whips Bourne into the nearest corner, Bourne hits hard. Storm charges in but Bourne moves out of the way and he hurls Bourne shoulder first into the steel ring post!! Bourne then grabs Storm by the legs and rolls him up for the pin]
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: And now Mark Storm narrowly escapes defeat
Hood: You ever wonder why people just throw their bodies in the corner like that? I mean, there’s a steel ring post there and it hurts
Smith: I believe had he thought Bourne was going to move, he would have probably tried something different.
Hood: That Bourne is so elusive and so stealthy…it’s kind of like his identity
Smith: Yea?
Hood: An identity that will lead to his supremacy here in OCW
Smith: Okay…
Hood: Which will give the roster an ultimatum
Smith: Wait a second…
Hood: To accept his legacy
Smith: That’s enough!
[Bourne quickly gets back to his feet…Storm isn’t far behind. Storm charges at Bourne but Bourne takes him down with an arm drag! Storm gets to his feet again as Bourne leaps into the air and nails Storm with a dropkick. Storm goes through the ropes, landing roughly on the outside]
Smith: And now Kevin Bourne has taken control of this contest
Hood: Ya know, I had written this Bourne guy off…basically tossed him into the category of the ‘Samsons’ of OCW…but he’s got a chance.
Smith: In my opinion, we are getting a glimpse of the future of OCW in this match. Mark Storm is a highly skilled competitor as is Kevin Bourne.
Hood: Right on
[Bourne looks over the top rope at Storm who is slowly reaching his feet. Bourne sprints for the opposite ropes, he shoots off and charges towards the ropes nearest Storm. Bourne leaps over the top rope with a summersault. Storm, though, catches Bourne and he powerboms Bourne to the floor on the outside! Bourne lands hard and he grabs the back of his head in pain as Storm rolls back inside the ring]
Smith: Tremendous counter there by Mark Storm
Hood: The inner circus performer came out in Bourne there for a split second...fucked him up
Smith: Yes, that powerbomb might be hard to bounce back from
Hood: I’ve been powerbomb on a wooden floor before, it sucks…but I still won the match.
Smith: Which match was this?
Hood: I would tell you…but then I’d have to kill you
Smith: Just as I suspected
[Generic Ref reaches an 8 count as Bourne is on his feet, leaning on the ring apron, wincing in pain. He hears the ref yell out ‘NINE!’ and quickly rolls back into the ring, just before being counted out. Storm rushes over and stomps on Bourne, keeping him to the mat. Storm pulls Bourne to his feet and he whips him into the ropes, Bourne bounces off and Storm goes for a clothesline but Bourne ducks! Bourne hits the ropes again, leaps off as Storm turns around and wraps his legs around Storm’s head and drops him with a huricanrana! Bourne holds on for the pin]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Bourne almost won it for the second time!
Hood: I told you he could recover from the outside powerbomb…I mean, sure, he’s no me…but still, kid’s showing guts.
Smith: I for one am thankful he isn’t you…one of you is one too many
Hood: Hey, just because Lurrr is going to fire your ass tonight doesn’t mean you can be an asshole. I’m the asshole…stop thieving my game
[Bourne is back to his feet quickly as he rushes to the nearest corner, ready to capitalize on the momentum he just stole. He climbs to the top as Storm reaches his feet in the middle of the ring. Bourne leaps off but receives a kick to the gut!! Bourne staggers around as Storm grabs him, hooks his leg and lifts him up with a belly to back suplex dropping Bourne with a piledriver!! Bourne’s body goes limp as Storm makes the cover and generic referee makes the count]
1!
2!
3!!!!
[Storm gets to his feet with his arm raised in victory]
Belvedere: Here is your winner….MARK STORM!!!!!
Smith: Impressive win for Mark Storm as he basically hit The Horizon, his finisher, out of nowhere!
Hood: Yea man, the best finishers can happen in the blink of an eye. Kevin Bourne had the momentum but…just like that, it was all over.
Smith: Both competitors were ready for the match tonight and Mark Storm emerges victorious. It will be interesting to see where both go from here.
Hood: Oh sure
Smith: Let’s head backstage!
[We cut backstage where several handymen are drilling Lurrr’s bathroom door shut. Rick Mathis stands over Lurrr’s desk as a bodyguard is near the entrance]
Rick Mathis: He came OUT of the bathroom?
Lurrr: Yes, I don’t know how he got in there or how he got out…but it was definitely him
Rick Mathis: What should I do about it?
Lurrr: From now on, I don’t want any office bathrooms. I only want one door in my office…an entrance and exit door.
Rick Mathis: Consider it done, sir
[We cut to a promo for Clash at the Coast]
Into the sky
So very high
Just like a dragonfly
Over the seas in all degrees
To anywhere I please
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah
[We cut back to ringside as the video comes to an end]
Smith: Folks, please ignore a few of the images on that video…I’m sure we’ll get an updated promo in the near future
Hood: That video raises a really important question
Smith: What’s that?
Hood: When will the surfing dog appear and what match is he going to be apart of?
Smith: Fans, I’d like to remind all of you that Surfing Dog is not advertised for Clash at the Coast
Hood: That fucking sucks
Smith: Sure…well, it’s time for our main event. Two women who were heavily involved in last week’s War Games match square off to attempt to gain some solid footing here in OCW
Hood: Well, let’s get this mother fucker on
MJ Bell (8-2) vs. Ana Archia (1-2)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time for our Main Event of the evening! This is a singles match and it is scheduled for one fall…
["Daughters of Darkness" picks up and the fans burst into chanting "ANA! ANA! ANA!" over and over again. Ana gets lost in the black curtain and eventually fires herself out and jumps forward shouting "CANNONBALL" while tucking her legs. She comes down to the entrance ramp and lands on her feet throwing out her arms then throwing up her arms one after the other in her way of psyching up the crowd and herself. She rolls under the bottom rope and does a little shuffle dance. She walks over to the side of the ring and kicks up to the top rope and sits there looking out at the fans and back towards whoever is in the ring.]
Belvedere: Introducing first, from a Bookstore…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 103 lbs…Ana Archia!!!
['Soul Wars' by Awolnation begins as MJ Bell walks out rather excited. The jumbo tron screen is flashing different red tinted lights. As she makes her way down towards the ring she interacts with the crowd, giving high-fives or hugs. The red head makes her way up onto the apron before stepping through the ropes into the ring. When the song hits the word "AMEN" pyros explode from the stage. Afterwards she hops onto the corner of the turnbuckle with her arms raising in the air]
Belvedere: And her opponent, from Paradise, Michigan…standing 5’5 and weighing in at 123 lbs…MJ Bell!!!
[Belvedere exits the ring as the bell sounds]
Smith: Barely a week removed from War Games and already two of the females involved are forced to face off, one on one.
Hood: To be fair, Ana wasn’t really in the match, she just kind of appeared and helped out
Smith: With a barb wired bat
Hood: Fucking cheaters
[Archia extends her hand for a shake. MJ obliges as MJ is a nice, straight up kind of person. Ana takes MJ’s arm and wrenches it behind her back with an armlock of sorts. MJ winces in pain as she reaches around attempting to grab Ana and release the hold. Ana, though, is too small and quick for MJ to grab and she torques MJ’s arm, increasing the pressure]
Smith: That trickster!
Hood: Oh man, we’re like thirty seconds in and I’m already tired of this match
Smith: Hey! There are two highly competitive wrestlers competing in the main event…MJ Bell is one of our top competitors.
Hood: MJ is okay…it’s that thing she’s wrestling…the bookstore creature.
Smith: While I agree that Ana is…umm…different…she still shows glimpses of brilliance.
Hood: You have got to be joking
[Ana backs herself into a corner for some reason, holding onto MJ’s arm. Ana begins to climb the turnbuckles with her back to them…displaying great agility and ring awareness. The higher she goes, the more pressure she applies to MJ’s arm. MJ yells in pain as Ana reaches the top rope. Ana finally releases the hold, leaps off the top and drops MJ’s face to the mat with a top rope bulldog!! The fans give a mixed reaction to Ana as they…like us…are still trying to figure this creature out]
Smith: Wow, what innovation!
Hood: Okay, I’ll give the weirdo her cred…that was pretty creative
Smith: MJ is in trouble very early on…what an upset this would be
Hood: Yea, nothing like getting jobbed out right after War Games…although, do you think Lurrr would want to job someone who helped him dispose of Dean?
Smith: Pretty sure if MJ knew what was up, she would’ve left Dean alone
Hood: Fuck no…she totally kicked his face in AFTER Lurrr’s betrayal…it’s obvious MJ is a huge Lurrr fan
Smith: I doubt it
[Ana pulls MJ to her knees and drags her into the middle of the ring. Ana places her knee to the back of MJ’s head and drives MJ face first into the mat!! MJ hits hard and Ana rolls MJ over and goes for a pin]
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Devastating face smash of sorts…but MJ Bell kicks out
Hood: Damn, that’s like a curb stomp and a half…CURB SMASH
Smith: Indeed!
[Ana hops to her feet and she runs into the ropes. MJ sits up…Ana charges at her, sits out and dropkicks MJ in the face!! MJ falls back to the mat. Ana then runs to the nearest corner which she climbs easily. She leaps off and nails MJ with a Guillotine Leg Drop!! Rather than go for the pin, Ana picks MJ up and drags her to the nearest corner]
Smith: Ana Archia in total control but…I don’t get what she’s doing now. Seems like a pin would’ve been the natural course of action to me…
Hood: Yea, well you’re thinking like a semi-normal human…this is Ana we are talking about
Smith: Good point
[Ana sets MJ Bell up on the top rope. Ana climbs up there with her and leaps into the air, looking to hook a huricanrana around MJ’s neck. MJ shoves Ana’s legs away and Ana’s body goes flying towards the mat where she lands face first! Ana quickly gets to her feet, holding her mouth in pain. MJ then leaps off with a crossbody and connects! She holds on for the pin]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Close call there!
Hood: Stupid Ana
Smith: An ill advised move for sure…but she obviously knew it was going to take a bit more to keep MJ Bell down.
Hood: Maybe a Kenshin Takamura poster on the mat? MJ would’ve stayed down on that for sure
Smith: Rude and uncalled for
[MJ rolls over and gets to her feet. Ana kicks up and throws a superkick at MJ…MJ catches it and tosses Ana’s leg away. Ana uses the momentum to leap in the air and kick MJ with an enziguri! MJ is weak kneed and staggering as Ana rolls her up with a small package]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Another near fall…Ana Archia is quicker than a hic…
Hood: Whoa! No dumbass clichés, please
Smith: Sorry…just sort of fell into it
Hood: Well un-fall into it
[Ana is back to her feet and she waits for MJ…MJ reaches her feet and Ana charges at MJ…MJ catches Ana, lifts her up and drops her with a Rock Bottom! MJ gets back to her feet, leaps into the air and lands on Ana with a standing moonsault. MJ climbs to the top rope as Ana is still on the mat…MJ then leaps off with a Moonsault leg drop!!! She connects!! MJ goes for the pin]
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!
Smith: Ana Archia showing a ton of guts by kicking out there
Hood: MJ is the moonsault queen!
Smith: It is a favorite move of hers and she performs it quite well
Hood: Not well enough, obviously
[MJ gets to her feet and heads back to the nearest corner where she, once again, climbs to the top. Ana’s back is to MJ as MJ leaps off. Ana suddenly performs a bicycle kick, flipping backwards and drilling MJ in the face!!! MJ falls to the mat and looks to be unconscious]
Smith: WOW! What a move by Ana Archia!
Hood: Shit…I know soccer isn’t like a real sport…but that kick was legit
Smith: Indeed…well, everything except for soccer not being a real sport
Hood: Dude, if you can’t use your hands, it doesn’t count…it’s like when the great USofA was invented they were playing soccer and were all like “Man, this game kind of blows”…then a guy picked up the ball and threw it and was like “Hey, these fuckers are pretty useful”…next thing you know…football…baseball…basketball…
Smith: Okay then, how come it’s so popular all over the world if it isn’t a ‘real sport’
Hood: Because the majority of the world is poor and third worldish…all it takes to practice soccer is a field, a ball and some kind of goal. So, yea, of course it’s popular in all these poor fucking countries. But we aren’t poor…we’re MERICA
Smith: Whatever
[Ana lifts MJ up and drags her into the corner. She situates MJ where her face is nestled against the bottom turnbuckle. Ana takes a few steps back and then charges in, dropkicking MJ’s face into the turnbuckle!! The crowd lets out a ‘oooohhh’ from the impact as Ana drags MJ into the center of the ring yelling “look at the flowers!!”…she then goes for the pin]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Look at the Flowers did not result in a win for Ana Archia
Hood: Fuck, I thought that bitch was toast
Smith: Nope, she’s still bread
Hood: Sourdough or wheat?
Smith: How about white?
Hood: Ugh, White bread fucking sucks…almost as much as soccer
[Ana gets to her feet and stands back as MJ slowly makes it to hers. We can see a bit of blood coming out of MJ’s nose as she’s been battered around pretty good by Archia. Archia quickly goes for a dropkick to the lower section of MJ’s body…MJ, though, blocks it and grabs Archia’s legs…she quickly applies a sharpshooter!! Archia screams in pain as MJ sits back, fully locking it in]
Smith: Sharpshooter…one of MJ’s favorite submissions!
Hood: Damn, look at Archia…she’s pretty much bent in half
Smith: Very small frame indeed
Hood: You think her spine might break in half?
Smith: I hope not
Hood: Would be pretty cool
[Archia scrambles and fights and claws before finally grasping the bottom rope. Generic ref orders a break and MJ complies quickly. MJ gets to her feet and she grabs Archia’s legs and drags her into the center of the ring. MJ stomps on Ana’s ankle a few times…Ana grabs her ankle and screams in pain as MJ is working on her legs. Ana uses her other leg to kick MJ off of her. MJ bounces against the ropes, comes back, jumps in the air and crushes Ana’s right ankle again. Ana rolls around, clutching her ankle in pain]
Smith: MJ is pinpointing Ana’s ankle…
Hood: Yea, hard to stand up and fight with a broken ankle
Smith: Indeed
[MJ bends over and tries to grab Ana’s head…Ana, though, places her knees onto MJ’s face and drops her with a halfway executed codebreaker!! MJ staggers back against the ropes…she shakes off the move and uses the momentum of the ropes to bounce off and runs at Ana. Ana rolls over onto her back as MJ skips over her and hits the ropes again. Ana gets to her feet and leap frogs MJ…as Ana lands, her ankle gives out and she falls to her knees. MJ bounces off the ropes again, leaps in the air and drills Ana with a shining wizard!! Ana falls over, knocked out. MJ goes for the pin]
1!
2!
3!!!
[The bell rings as Generic Ref holds MJ’s hand up in victory]
Belvedere: Here is your winner…MJ BELL!!!!!
Smith: Wow! Out of nowhere…MJ Bell hits her Shining Wizard and picks up the win
Hood: Ana Archia did well…she’s getting better, believe it or not
Smith: Believe it!!
Hood: Well, night one of the Lurrrera is in the books…whatcha think, Smithers?
Smith: Apparently we still have jobs…and, well, I guess nothing too terrible happened…the black hole people expected to suck OCW up never materialized…so it’s been…
[Suddenly, “Acid Rain” by Liquid Tension Experiment hits as the fans boo loudly. Ian Bishop and Sean Fuller make their way to the ring. Ana has already rolled out as MJ is still in the ring, celebrating her win. She turns her attention to the aisle way and watches the two former family members approaching]
Smith: What is this?
Hood: This is AWESOME
Smith: I highly doubt this is going to be awesome…knowing Ian Bishop, I’m sure he’s got terrible things in mind.
[Ian slides into the ring, facing MJ as Sean circles around the ring, to the other side where he steps onto the apron, staring inside at MJ. MJ looks back at Sean and then forward towards Ian. Ian walks up with his hand extended…we can hear him saying “Congratulations on the Central Title shot”. MJ looks at him suspect, unsure of his intentions]
Smith: What is Ian Bishop going to do here…is he legitimately happy for MJ Bell?
Hood: I fucking hope not…
Smith: Maybe he’s a changed man…a woman can have that affect on a man, you know
Hood: Ugh yea…but not someone like MJ…for fucks sake
[MJ finally extends her hand…slowly. Their hands interlock as a hand shake takes place. Ian suddenly thrusts forward with his head, headbutting MJ!! She bends over, grabbing her face in pain as the fans boo loudly. Ian hooks her head, lifts her up high in the air for ten seconds before dropping her with his patented brain buster! Ian pops back to his feet and he grabs a mic. Sean enters into the ring, smiling. Ian stands over MJ with the mic in his hand…the fans boo and throw trash into the ring as Ian speaks]
Ian Bishop: How symbolic of you fans…recognizing the piece of trash lying beneath me by throwing trash into this ring. Who knew Utah was so into symbolism…
[They continue to boo as Ian seems to be feeding off of their anger]
Ian Bishop: Truth be told…my being out here doesn’t have anything to do with MJ Bell, the person. It has everything to do with MJ Bell the #1 contender for the Central Title. I realize Lurrr is new around here…but how he can just go and book a match for the vacant Central Title WITHOUT including the former champ is beyond me.
[A chant of “get the fuck out” starts as Ian looks puzzled]
Ian Bishop: Seriously? Isn’t this like a Mormon heavy community and aren’t Mormon’s supposed to have good, core values? You guys are a fucking disgrace!
[The chants instantly evolve into boos]
Ian Bishop: Make no mistake about it…Victory Denied is still on a collision course with Danny B and Amber Ryan for their tag titles. However, I DEMAND to be inserted into this Central Title match. Remove Mia Stone or remove MJ Bell…hell, I don’t care. That title is mine…it’s always been mine and it’s time it came home to its rightful owner.
[The crowd fills the arena with boos as Ian drops the mic and raises his arm along with Fuller’s while they stand over MJ Bell. We cut back to Lurrr’s office as he’s watching what transpired. Rick Mathis is standing next to him]
Rick Mathis: Want me to fire him?
Lurrr: Nah…if there’s one thing I admire…it’s a guy making a statement to get what he wants. That Central Title match? Let’s make it a triple threat at Clash at the Coast. Mia Stone against MJ Bell against Ian Bishop.
Rick Mathis: You got it…what about Smith and Hood?
Lurrr: Ugh…with Vegas on the horizon…fuck it, they can stick around for another week.
Rick Mathis: Sounds good, boss
[Lurrr leans back in his chair as we fade out]
[The screen is black…another tweet from earlier this week appears on the screen in bold white lettering]
Those who take things for face value are destined to err continuously. Not everything is as it seems. Patience will be rewarded #May25th
[The words fade out and our show comes to an end]
OOC: Hope you guys liked it…been awhile since I typed something like this. Leave your thoughts on the OOC board. All pages will be updated later tonight.
Credit to Alice Knight for the video and Hank for the Clash banner.
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