OCW Presents: Monday Night Massacre
Live! April 21st, 2014
From the Largest Hanger in the Truth or Consequences Municipal Airport in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
~Our screen goes black as a video begins to play, opening Massacre~
~The video ends. We open abruptly on a wide shot of a row of neglected buildings in a far corner of the airfield. The scene cuts in and we see Scott Syren, PerZag, and Pryde standing in a semi-circle in a dim lot behind one of the rusty, warehouse-like structures.~
Syren: Remember, Not President Dean could be anybody... watch your back, and watch what you say to who... or is it to whom? Who? I think who... no, whom. Whom? Does whom sound right?
Pryde: Whom, I think...
~PerZag clears his throat to interrupt.~
PerZag: Any of the unworthy could be behind the Not President Dean mask. We will treat all of the unworthy the same... all of them shall fall.
Pryde: Definitely.
Syren: Unworthy for sure, but I fear he may be a skinchanger besides. I knew of such powerful sorcery during my travels in the realm of L'Ardanth. You saw how one day he was black-skinned with dreadlocks, and the next day he's suddenly paler and shorter?
PerZag: Disturbing.
Pryde: Everyone stay alert tonight.
~Syren nods. Pryde and PerZag get into the back of a black vintage Chevy Celebrity waiting to take them to the hangar that is hosting tonight's Massacre. The car rumbles out of sight. A few moments later, Scott Syren raises his hand as if greeting someone. Enter Kobra.~
Kobra: Nice office.
Syren: We can't all be Dean. Was your resource able to obtain anything of value?
~Kobra reaches into a black backpack. He pulls out a single folder and hands it to Scott Syren. Then he pulls out five more folders bound together with a large document clip and hands those over too.~
Syren: Excellent.
~He briefly reviews the folders. He holds up the single folder.~
Syren: I feel fairly good about this one.
~He holds up the bundle of five folders.~
Syren: But this... this could be a problem. There has to be some crack, something I've missed. This vexes me. This vexes me greatly.
~Kobra grins and shrugs.~
Kobra: Women.
Syren: Yeah...
~Scott Syren thumbs through the edges of the five folders anxiously.~
Syren: Fuckin' women.
~He continues to fidget with the folder for a while, then snaps out of his daze and looks up at Kobra.~
Syren: I almost forgot... I have one for you.
Kobra: For me?
~Scott Syren takes out a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper-style folder. The cover image is a hot pink giraffe with spots of neon green, purple and blue. Kobra frowns in confusion but accepts the festively-themed folder. Scott Syren walks away without another word~
~Kobra opens the folder. Inside, there is a single sheet of notebook paper. A message scrawled in blue marker reads “GOOD LUCK CHAMP!!!” with a smiley face. At the bottom of the page is a crude sketch of a musclebound man wearing a rectangle that is supposed to be a title belt. There is a Lion King sticker in the top right corner~
~Kobra looks around to make sure nobody is watching. Then he shrugs before scratching the sticker and trying to sniff it~
~We cut to ringside inside a giant airplane hanger. The crowd is going wild as they are ready for the ‘Go Home’ show heading into Total Demolition. There are quite a number of Silverfreak signs in attendance due to the fact Massacre is being aired from the OCW legend’s hometown. “Comin in Hot” by Hollywood Undead comes to a close as we settle in on Smith and Hood~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre LIVE from Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
Hood: My favorite childhood game…took awhile to get past the truth portion, but so worth it once you did.
Smith: I believe my colleague is referring to Truth or Dare
Hood: Same difference
Smith: Not really…but, anyway…we have a great night of action scheduled for you guys tonight! Eight action packed matches…tons of answers to questions we all have heading into Total Demolition and a special surprise for all you kiddos out there!
Hood: Since when did we start marketing to kids?
Smith: Well, I don’t want to give anything away…but yesterday WAS Easter…
Hood: Oh geez
Smith: Before we get started…let’s cut to the backstage area!
~The live feed cuts to a hallway inside the airport and shows “the Incredible” Ian Bishop as you can hear the hangar fill with boos for the leader of the Family. Bishop is walking down the hall and gets to an office with a temporary sign on it that says “MJ Bell”. Bishop takes a deep breath and goes to knock but is distracted by some familiar voices. Bishop turns around and sees Roach, Jason Xavier, B-Minus and Sean Fuller approaching Bishop as more boos erupt~
Ian Bishop: Hey, just the four men I wanted to see! Listen… we’re only a week away from Total Demolition and I need all four of you to step your games up, so basically, stop fucking around and wake the fuck up. We didn’t get the insurance policy I wanted from last week so everyone needs to put in their very best because I am not carrying around any dead weight. That goes for everyone!
Jason Xavier: What’s that supposed to mean? I did my share in tag match, it’s Roach who didn’t do shit!
Roach: What did you say to me punk?
~Bishop laughs and gets in the middle of the two members of the Family~
Ian Bishop: Calm down guys ok? Last thing we need is for everyone to be fighting come Sunday. We need to stay focused at the task at hand and just go into Total Demolition and finally take the advantage from Team Brianna’s court.
~Bishop shakes hands with B-Minus, Roach and Xavier and then turns to shake Fuller’s hand. He stares Bishop down as Bishop lets out a chuckle~
Ian Bishop: The fuck Fuller? All I’m asking for is your best… remember, you did lose to Brianna two weeks ago so I need you to dig deep.
Sean Fuller: Huh? I heard my name, but that can't be so because last time I checked I have a better record than even you, boy.
~The crowd awe’s as Bishop’s face lights up like a Christmas tree in red anger~
Ian Bishop: Excuse me? Boy? I know very fucking well what you mean kid, and I didn’t come here for you to throws threats in my face and start a fucking debate between your record and my record…. Let me make this clear, Fuller. I NEED YOU TO STEP THE FUCK UP!
~Fuller laughs at Bishop’s idle threat to better his game~
Sean Fuller: You are telling me to step up, boy? That's rich. If anyone needs to step up their game it's you... 'boss'. So talk to them, but leave my name out of this because not all accidents are accidental, understood?
~Bishop gets ready to fire back but Fuller cuts him off and continues with a sadistic smirk~
Sean Fuller: You didn't come here for that, but that seems to be where we're at. Funny how things work out. Next thing you know you're going to suffer another grand stage defeat at Brianna's hands because you got lippy with the wrong man. You know, the kind of man who would find it funny watching you lose a big tag team match that decides the fate of your precious family since your actual family disowned you and if they didn't they probably should.
~Fuller walks right past Bishop and leaves the four Family members there shocked and angry. Bishop curses loudly as he walks off and the rest of the members follow him. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Dissention amongst the Family!
Hood: Can you fucking blame them? I mean…B-Minus…B-MINUS, SMITH!
Smith: It was a shocker…however, they’ve made their bed and now they have to
Hood: Jump around on it
Smith: I was going to say lie in it…but whatever…it’s time for our first match of the evening as OCW newcomer Bob Grenier takes on KEG!
Hood: KEG needs to get his shit together
Smith: Indeed, let’s go down to ringside

~”Pretty Good at Drinking Beer” by Billy Currington hits and the fans stand and try to watch KEG make his way to the ring. He’s pretty small, so people like three rows back or whatever obviously can’t see him. He hops up the ring steps and rolls into the ring~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time for our opening match of the evening!! This match is a singles match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from The Brewery…he stands 3’5” and weighs in at 135lbs…KEG!
~KEG’s music comes to a close when “Smart Went Crazy” by Atmosphere begins to play and Bob Grenier makes his way down to the ring. The fans stand and watch the newcomer making his first appearance in OCW. He hops into the ring~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs….Bob Grenier!!!
~Belvedere exits the ring and quickly sounds the bell as this match is underway~
Smith: KEG is looking to rebound this week from his disappointing debut at our previous Monday Night Massacre event in Idaho
Hood: Ugh, don’t remind me about Idaho
Smith: I thought you were equally disappointed in KEG
Hood: Eh, he’s a man of small stature, I’m sure he did his best
~Grenier looks over at KEG who is seated on the middle rope. The fans break out a “KEG! KEG! KEG!” chant because people in New Mexico have nothing better to do than get shit faced wasted. KEG suddenly leaps onto the mat, falls to the ground and starts to roll around. Grenier looks at him confused~
Smith: Is this some kind of Keg roll?
Hood: Dude’s got rolling down pretty good…he could maybe make a pretty penny as some kind of floor painter.
Smith: Floor painter?
Hood: Yea, cover him in pain and let him roll around…might take awhile, but he’d get it done.
Smith: Do people even paint floors?
Hood: Oh, I’m sure some weirdos do
~Keg rolls right at Grenier, heading for his shins…Grenier hops out of the way. Keg stops on a dime and rolls at the back of Grenier’s legs. Grenier hops in the air again. Keg rolls underneath him and stops on a dime once again. He then rolls back at Grenier’s shins…this time, Grenier smartens up, lifts his right foot off the mat and stomps right on Keg’s head!! Keg stops rolling~
Smith: Ouch
Hood: Aww, man, I wanted to see how many times Keg could stop like that…pretty impressive
Smith: Yea, well, I think Keg has just demonstrated why wrestlers should start the match on their feet
Hood: True, but we never would have known if Keg hadn’t attempted to be an innovator
~Grenier pulls Keg off the mat and lifts him up into a bodyslam position…Grenier then falls back and tosses Keg over his head with a fallaway slam!! Keg gets some major airtime before slamming into the mat hard! Grenier gets to his feet and mocks Keg by pretending to breathe heavily as if that was some sort of tremendous feat of strength on his part. The fans boo loudly~
Smith: Now that is totally unnecessary!
Hood: What are you talking about? KEG is stout, man
Smith: Okay, for a small person, he may be muscular…but he’s still a quarter the size of Grenier
Hood: It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the other dogs the dog is fighting
Smith: Huh?
~Grenier laughs at the fans booing him and looks down at Keg, kicking him around a bit. He’s clearly had enough of this debacle and is ready to finish off the match and win his debut match. Grenier yanks Keg to his feet, lifts him up into suplex position and then drops him with a muscle buster!! Keg has gone flat. Grenier goes for the pin by getting on his knees, mocking Keg’s stature, and placing one knee on Keg’s chest. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings as Grenier rises to his feet and has his hand raised in victory~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…BOB GRENIER!!!!!
Smith: Devastating loss for Keg
Hood: Yes, The Keg appears to be empty
Smith: Depressing words for a man like you, huh?
Hood: You have no fucking idea
Smith: I’m hearing we have more familial issues…let’s head backstage
~The live feed transitions to into the airport again as we see “the Incredible” Ian in his wrestling gear getting ready to go out for his match and is outside MJ Bell’s room again. He is pacing back and forth talking to himself. He nods to himself in approval and goes to knock on her door but Bishop’s look goes from confident to annoyed. The camera zooms out to reveal President Dean standing next to him with his arms crossed as the fans cheer for the owner~
Ian Bishop: If you wouldn’t mind Dean… I am busy right now so I don’t have time to talk to you.
~Bishop goes to knock again but Dean grabs Bishop’s arm as the crowd whoops. Bishop yanks his arm free as he glares at Dean~
President Dean: How about instead of bothering people who actually have their shit together you focus on that clusterfuck you call a team? WarGames is in six days, sucka and, by the looks of things, you guys don't stand a chance.
Ian Bishop: What the hell do you mean, a clusterfuck? We're tighter than a sixty year old nun! What kind of rumours are you hearing, Dean?
President Dean: The same ones you have, I'm sure. Whether or not they are true, hell, I don't know...the guy in question is as unpredictable as they come. All I know is ever since Mario went missing the Family has been falling apart at the seams. I thought you were a leader, Bishop...what kind of leader lets this sort of thing happen days before the biggest match of your career?
Ian Bishop: Biggest match of my career? You're joking, right? That happened years ago Dean-o so I'm not too worried about War Games. You forget what team you're talking to; "the Incredible" Ian Bishop, Roach, Jason Xaiver, Sean Fuller, and...
~Bishop sighs in dissapointment~
Ian Bishop: ...B-Minus.
President Dean: You can't pass the test Brianna is handing out with that kind of grade, sucka. Just do me a favor, get your team's shit together...I don't like you guys, never have. The minute the match is over and The Family loses which, trust me, is going to happen, I'm going to be the happiest guy in the arena to watch your group reach its sad end. But, until that moment, I've got numbers to worry about...tickets that need to sale and a drunk musician to impress...so rally the troops one last time and give those girls a hell of a show...because, if you don't, I may be forced to take some drastic measures
~Bishop looks at Dean with mad confusion~
Ian Bishop: Drastic measures? What kind of weed did Jimmy Buffett give you? You're talking like one of my teammates left the building and walked out on us or something crazy and stupid. Listen, Team Brianna and her band of tom boy psychotic lesbian carpet chompers don't stand a chance between us five men... now, if you'll excuse me, I have to speak to the only exception to that group--
~Before Bishop can knock on the door, Dean cuts him off once again~
President Dean: Fine, sucka...play it your way, maybe you've got everything under control but judging by your past performances against Brianna...I doubt it. The match is on as scheduled, everyone is looking forward to it...but, so help me Ian, if even get the hint that this shit is going to embarrass OCW during a PPV event in front of our financier..I'm pulling the fucking plug on your ass and calling an audible.
Ian Bishop: Trust me Dean, it's going to take someone stabbing me in my abdomen with a knife in order for me to go down and out of War Games... and we both know that ain't going to happen... and now I guess I got to go to my match now. Thanks for wasting my time... bitch.
~Bishop walks off annoyed as Dean writes down 'knife to abdomen' on his little notepad before shoving it back into his pant pocket before walking off. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: As if issues with Sean Fuller weren’t enough…Ian now has Dean eyeing him
Hood: Dean just needs to stop bothering people
Smith: That’s kind of his job, Hood
Hood: No, his job is to make Jimmy Buffet happy…not stalk Ian in the hallways while he’s trying to rape…err…woo MJ Bell
Smith: Right…The Family has been a focal point of the show thus far…but how about Team Brianna…I’m hearing we’ve got an update about them…let’s head backstage!
~We cut backstage where behind the curtain, MJ Bell is on the phone as Mia Stone taps her wrists behind her impatiently mouthing come on. “Distorted Angel” Amber Ryan is off to the side. MJ hangs up her phone with some frustration~
MJ Bell: There is still no answer from Brianna ...and I guess Alice is with her. Where are they?
Amber Ryan: I don’t know but we can't just sit around waiting for The Family to jump us tonight. Numbers matter fuck all... being unprepared does. Brianna and Alice or not.
~MJ tries texting her team mates while she speaks to Amber Ryan~
MJ Bell: Numbers do have some effect Amber… What are we going to do? Two of our members aren’t here right now.
~Mia Stone walks closer to her reluctant team mates clearly frustrated~
Mia Stone: I do not know what you two are going to do ...but I am going to strike. I am going to strike while they are weak. I am going to strike to make an example of them. If you two want to join me, feel free. I am going out there either way.
~Mia Stone walks away from them. MJ Bell glances over to watch her newest friend walk away and follows. Amber Ryan doesn’t follow anyone and instead stays where she is at and mulls it over…we head back to ringside~
Smith: Brianna and Alice haven’t made it to Truth or Consequences yet…apparently
Hood: Maybe the Hoff abducted them and took them to Germany or something
Smith: I certainly hope not!
Hood: If it gets Ian and The Family a win at Sunday…I’m all for it
Smith: Whatever…well, speaking of your hero, he’s up next against The Siren
Hood: Fuck yes

~ "Kill The Buzz Remix" by Siren ft.elkka Armin Van Buuren begins to play as the fans show no emotion other than “damn she’s fucking hot” when they see The Siren make her way to the ring. She enters, seductively, to a pro male reaction as her music dies out~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall…introducing first, from Heraklion, Crete…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 130 lbs…The Siren!!!
~”Acid Rain” by Liquid Tension Experiment begins to play as the fans boo loudly when Ian Bishop emerges and makes his way to the ring. Some fans ridicule him over his loss last week, Ian, showing composure, blocks them out~
Belvedere: And her opponent, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 235lbs… “The Incredible” Ian Bishop!!!
~Bishop’s music ends as he enters into the ring with a less than savory look on his face. The Siren just stands there, looking like a dumb blonde. Belvedere exits and sounds the bell~
Smith: One has to wonder why Dean hired The Siren
Hood: Isn’t it obvious? She’s fucking hot, man
Smith: Well, then why not put her in another position like…I don’t know, may human resources or the marketing department.
Hood: Are you fucking serious? You think she can do anything other than stand around looking hot? Besides, hot women being smacked around and yelled at in demeaning fashion is a money maker, Smith.
Smith: That is terrible!
~Bishop walks up to Siren…the fans are all chanting “TLS! TLS! TLS!”…Bishop grinds his teeth with anger, glaring at Siren. Siren starts laughing at Ian, maybe because he’s making a funny face…we don’t know. Ian’s had it…he palms Siren’s face and shoves her back into her corner. Ian runs in and lifts a knee into her midsection. Siren doubles over with her mouth agape. Ian grabs her head and plants her into the mat with a DDT~
Smith: This isn’t going to be pretty
Hood: What are you talking about…it’s a thing of beauty
Smith: Whoever booked this should be ashamed…Siren is nowhere near Ian’s league
Hood: That’s what we were saying about TLS
Smith: Different circumstance
~Ian grabs Siren’s head and he begins to pound it into the mat…each time he slams it into the mat he yells out a word “I” “WAS” “SCREWED” “I” “DID” “NOT” “LOSE!!!” Ian goes crazy, slamming her face repeatedly into the mat until it is all red and puffy…her eyes barely visible. Scruff yanks Ian away, who is breathing heavily. Scruff bends down to check on Siren~
Smith: Somebody, please, just call it
Hood: Damn, he’s fucked that bitch up
Smith: If Team Brianna is watching, they’d better be prepared…Ian Bishop is angry and looking for redemption
Hood: Or, maybe he asked Siren out and she said no
Smith: He’s too into MJ
Hood: C’mon, man…Siren or MJ…not like it’s a difficult choice
Smith: Personality, Hood…MJ has a great personality
Hood: Psssshhhh…we all know Personality is for fat chicks
~Ian yanks Siren to her feet…her face is totally unrecognizable…that is, if you knew who the hell she was prior to this match…Ian pounds her in the face with several elbows, opening a gash under her puffed out right eye. Red blood begins to ooze from the pinkish and purple pocket underneath her eye. Ian rubs his hand in it before covering Siren’s face with the blood~
Smith: Over the top Ian strikes again
Hood: This is a direct message
Smith: Which is?
Hood: Sometime between tonight and Sunday Ian is going to ask a member of Team Brianna out for coffee or perhaps dinner at TGI Fridays…they had better fucking say yes.
Smith: You REALLY think he asked Siren out and she said no?
Hood: That’s one of the rumors
Smith: The other?
Hood: She did agree to have sex with Ian but he was so preoccupied thinking about his loss to TLS he couldn’t get it up.
Smith: I don’t believe that!
Hood: Have you seen the ‘progress’ he’s made with MJ Bell? I fucking believe the shit out of that rumor
~Ian yanks Siren into the middle of the ring…he knees her in the gut, grabs her head and lifts her into the air. He holds her in the air, vertical, for ten seconds before dropping her on her head right into the mat!! Siren’s body goes limp as Ian makes the cover~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings and Ian gets to his feet, stepping on Siren’s face as he heads towards the ropes~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…”THE INCREDIBLE” IAN BISHOP!!!!!
Smith: Dominating win by Ian Bishop heading into War Games
Hood: They say dating is a two way street…not when you’re dating a psycho
Smith: Oh, so Siren and Ian were dating now
Hood: Hey, rumors man, like I said…I hear things, you know?
Smith: Yea, nonsensical voices
Hood: At least I have friends who want to talk to me…even if they aren’t real people
~MJ Bell begins to walk towards the ring and that immediately gets Ian’s attention. Ian turns to her and starts taunting as she walks closer to the ring. She is right by the apron as he insinuates her to enter. He does NOT notice Mia Stone slide into the ring from the crowd and elbow him in the back of the head~
Smith: Here is a rarity. The members of Team Brianna are out here making a pre-emptive strike on Ian Bishop.
Hood: Its Team Mia right now. She should have been leader all along. She isn’t waiting for the beat to happen to them. She is putting Ian in a handi-cap situation and using MJ for the distraction.
Smith: Outside of the issue with her and Ian, you have to wonder if this is business or personal or both for MJ.
~Mia NAILS Ian with the Hammerlock suplex RIGHT AS Jason Xavier, Roach, and B-Minus rush the ring. The moment that Roach is on the apron, MJ spears him off. B-Minus circles to the other side but Mia punches him off. Xavier slides into together and Mia and MJ start stomping on him immediately. Roach and B-Minus are going to rush the ring again ...BUT Amber Ryan jumps the guard rail with a steel chair slams it over Roach’s cranium and then then hits B-Minus with a Yakuza kick~
Smith: Look at what Mia Stone is doing for her War Games team. She is making this work.
Hood: It is much more intelligent than just getting beat up every week. That is purely Brianna’s stupid leadership.
~Ian is back up and immediately attacks Mia from behind ...but Amber is in and starts to nail Ian with lefts and rights. Mia and MJ continue to work on Xavier in the corner ...until Roach and B-Minus re-enter the ring and soon the numbers game takes over as Roach and B-Minus attack Mia from behind ….giving Xavier a chance to whip her shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Roach then goes to Ian’s side and starts helping him in the double team against Amber Ryan. Suddenly the hangar opens as the sound of something approaching can be heard~
Smith: What is going on? Why are we opening the hangar?
Hood: There is only one reason.
Smith: Are you trying to tell me that a plane is trying to land in here?
Hood: YES!
Smith: But we are performing a show in here.
~As Ian and his team start to gain the advantage, the Team Brianna team theme hits the P.A. Ian looks towards the entrance daring Brianna and Alice to come out. Suddenly, there is a roar from the crowd as a crop duster airplane lands just outside of the hangar ...but quickly approaches the hangar. The response gets even louder as the plane enters the hangar and gets closer to the ring. Ian finally notices this as the plane slows down and stops right outside of the ring. Brianna and Alice stand up wearing goggles, leather jackets, and scarfs (they are fashioned like Emilia Earheart ...or if you enjoy nineties cartons, Launchpad Mcquack). They get a good reaction as they hop out of the crop duster ...though there are some boos ...as this is fairly cheesy~
Smith: Holy crap! What an entrance from Thought 4 Food! I knew they would make it.
Hood: Isn’t this TOO over the top?
Smith: And rigging sprinklers isn’t?
Hood: Do NOT compare this to THAT awesomeness.
~B-Minus and Roach slide out of the ring to take care of the ladies ….BUT Brianna immediately jumps down and hits Roach with a Super EGO Kick. Alice on the other hand waits for B-Minus to approach and she makes her way to the wing. As Minus heads up to her side of the wing, Alice leaps off with a flying head butt. She butts him in the head but it mostly the pressure of the leap that takes him off of his feet. Jason Xavier is the next to approach them from the ring, but MJ pulls him aside letting Alice and Brianna attack him from behind. She quickly nails him with the shining wizard. Brianna and Alice then smash his face into the side of the plain. Brianna and Alice have now armed themselves with chairs. Alice rams B-Minus in the ribs with the steel chair and Brianna follows up with a chair over his head. Amber Ryan and Mia Stone whip Ian out of the ring ...and he lands on Roach who was coming back to. Mia Stone gives Ambers the assist with a whip that launchers her over the ropes and she hits Ian flush with a cross body that has him toppling over B-Minus and Roach again. B-Minus gets to his feet but Mia Stone is back out of the ring and starts hammering him with lefts and rights. She grabs him by the hair and smashes his head into the side of the plane. Ian is back up but the four remaining women are immediately on him with the rest of the group down. Xavier tries to help but Brianna just nails him with the Super ego and he is back down. Ian tries to fight back ...but just as he is out of the pile up ...Alice slams the chair over his head again. He struggles towards the wing of the plane ...where Mia has beaten him up to the wing. Xavier, back to his feet, tries to fight back but Mia just slams him with rights and lefts that puts them right on top of the wing. Mia tries beating him to the edge but B-Minus tries his best to fight back and suddenly ...he has HER at the edge of the wing. She hits a massive left hook and immediately gets hit with her patented finisher, an elevated double chicken wing faceuster ONTO THE WING OF THE CROP DUSTER! On the outside, Amber nails Ian with the Original Sin which lays him out below the wing. Mia picks up B-Minus and throws him off the wing ...and he lands right on Ian Bishop!~
Smith: Wow! Team Brianna just straight fired a massive shot to The Family but did you see what Mia just did to B-Minus on that wing.
Hood: I am telling you, SHE, should be leading this group. She was here on time and just destroyed both B-Minus and Ian Bishop.
Smith: Hey, this was a group thing. All five women worked together to bring them down ...at least for the right now.
Hood: BAH! That was ALL Mia leadership ...Brianna just happened to be there at the right place at the right time.
~Brianna grabs the Central title as Amber and Alice pull him up to his feet. The cameras catch her mouth “You wanted a title shot, right?” And then slams the title into his cranium~
Smith: And the exclamation point from Brianna to Ian Bishop who has been asking for weeks for a title shot ...I guess he finally got it.
Hood: That is just plain DISRESPECTFUL!
~With The Family laid out in front of the plain. Brianna grabs a microphone and heads into the ring with her team. They all enter as medical staff go to The Family’s side. In the ring, Brianna pulls off her jacket and begins to speak into the microphone~
Brianna Casablancas: This has been a jolly good time, it really has. But it is time to end this. There are bigger threats looming and frankly, challengers who will actually give me a challenge
~Brianna gives Mia a smile ...Mia snarls at her~
Brianna Casablancas: I accepted the leadership of this team for several reasons. Dean gave me the opportunity to hammer the nail in the coffin of a lot that have been kicking my bleedin’ arse since day one. Secondly, I thought it would be a lark and give me the experience in my rookie year of wrestling professionally. But most importantly, I was hoping to match wits with Mario Maurako and his team. I was hoping to have myself another little chess game with him. What did I get instead? The worst chess player in the bloody history of the game. Now, I am sorry for your loss in Mario but I was hoping for more from you lot when I accepted this gig. I took this seriously. I didn’t just grab the first pot head or non-psychopath that joined the company to be in my group. I played my game of chess and I was picky. Yes, I chose all women and that was,of course, by design ...but that was secondary to the primary objective: recruit a team that I could be proud of. Are we all friends? No. Do we all like each other? Not all of us. Are the ladies in this group potential threats to me?
~She looks at her team~
Brianna Casablancas: I accepted the leadership of this team for several reasons. Dean gave me the opportunity to hammer the nail in the coffin of a lot that have been kicking my bleedin’ arse since day one. Secondly, I thought it would be a lark and give me the experience in my rookie year of wrestling professionally. But most importantly, I was hoping to match wits with Mario Maurako and his team. I was hoping to have myself another little chess game with him. What did I get instead? The worst chess player in the bloody history of the game. Now, I am sorry for your loss in Mario but I was hoping for more from you lot when I accepted this gig. I took this seriously. I didn’t just grab the first pot head or non-psychopath that joined the company to be in my group. I played my game of chess and I was picky. Yes, I chose all women and that was,of course, by design ...but that was secondary to the primary objective: recruit a team that I could be proud of. Are we all friends? No. Do we all like each other? Not all of us. Are the ladies in this group potential threats to me?
~She looks at her team~
Brianna Casablancas: Every single one of those birds are threats ...that is a lot more than I can say about the Family. And THAT is why I brought them onto my team. But this has become so much more than MY team. This is OUR team. We aren’t team Brianna. Call us the Best Friends Gang. Call us the Estrogen Uprising. Call us the Sisterhood. But do not just boil this group down to just me. This is ALL of us working together against a group we ALL have a problem with. You have crossed us all at different times and now karma is biting you wankers on the arses now isn’t it? The Family is falling apart but we stand more unified than any of you can find fathomable. BECAUSE thought was put into this. Effort was put into this. CARE was put into this group. The very things you have spit in the face of. And now we will prove why those values matter; why they are important; and why when put up against those things ...you will ALWAYS lose.
~As Alice holds the mic up Mia climbs out of the ring. She stops and turns back to face her team and listens intently~
Alice Knight: Mia don’t leave. Come on, now. We need to stick together like some strong glue, preferably of the horse brand. Together we will take care of the Family. Through thick and thin. Through fat and thin. Through overweight-ness and… well.. um, thin. Ian, Mr. X, that ass-head Roach and the B-Minus are all going down this Sunday. Down to the ground. Big time! But in order for us to accomplish this, we need to stick together… horse glue style. Work as a unit. Am I wrong? ~looks at her team mates~ Am I wrong?
~Her teammates seem to be on Alice’s side ...though maybe not fully understanding. Mia grabs the mic and looks at Brianna, paying no attention to the other ladies~
Mia Stone:When all this is done and The Family is destroyed, I am coming for you Casablancas.
~Mia drops the mic and shoves her way past Brianna. She slides out of the ring and slowly the girls exit as their team theme song hits. Mia doesn’t look back as MJ and Amber follow her upwards and Brianna looks at her title unsure as Alice trails her~
Smith: Hood…first off…what a beat down! Second…Mia Stone doesn’t exactly appear to be on the same page as everyone else…we all assumed Amber Ryan would be the problem
Hood: Yea, well, The Family could have used Sean Fuller…but that psycho weirdo has apparently bounced…fuckin douche…as far as Mia goes…good for her, don’t take no shit off the British!
Smith: Do you think Mia has her eyes set on that Central Championship?
Hood: Uhhhh yes…why else would she go after Brianna? It isn’t for that pile of crap they flew in on, that’s for sure.
Smith: Good point…okay, folks, while we get things cleaned up around here and find out what to do with that plane…let’s head backstage
~We focus to another scene as Ana is caught backstage doing jumping jacks, but every fifth she stops and throws a few jabs. They are awkward looking jabs though almost like she is reaching for something with her wiggling fingers. The camera zooms out and Serena is there, standing with a warm bowl of raviolis. The camera pans down Ana showing she is tied to a wall by an average belt~
Ana: This is cruel!
Serena: Just do your jumping jacks and try to make fists when you throw your hands out.
Ana: I am not punching, I want that bowl! I'm almost there, ya'know.
Serena: Sure you are, but I guess you should relax a little before your match.
Ana: Finally, it CAN be reasoned with!
~Serena stands up and hands off the bowl of raviolis after taking a big bite for herself that makes Ana whimper, but she gets the rest and that distracts her long enough to see Serena didn't do much to restrain her with the belt, but she is free now~
Serena: So you should be ready and-
Ana: WELL FED!
Serena: That too.
~Ana and Serena find a step to sit together on~
Ana: I can't believe my own mommy didn't recommend me for the Team Brianna shindig, not that I could ever work on the same side as the ninja who killed my real mommy.
Serena: Well win here tonight and you can show that entire team you should have been at least asked by someone who wasn't now or will ever be a ninja.
Ana: That's the dream.
Serena: I have to ask though, let's say you go as far as win tonight and then manage to defeat Pryde... how are you going to represent "the south"?
Ana: With overalls and a straw hat of course.
Serena: I was afraid you were going to say that.
Ana: Don't forget waving a Confederate flag or wearing it as a cape.
Serena: Yeah... we're so sued.
Ana: Why?
Serena: We'll talk about it when you get that far. Now enjoy your raviolis.
Ana: You don't have to tell me twice!
Serena: About the only thing I don't have to tell you twice, three times, or millions upon millions.
Ana: I get the point, girly.
~We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Ana seems, well, ready for her match
Hood: As ready as she can be, I suppose…can an airplane land on her?
Smith: That would be terrible!!
Hood: For who, exactly?
Smith: Umm…well…I…
Hood: Bingo
Smith: Enough of this dark humor, let’s move on to something light hearted and totally PG!
Hood: I thought we were done with the cheesy Brianna comedy
Smith: Oh no, silly Hood, this is going to be much less violent, the fun is about to pick up!
Hood: Ohhhh shit, so you mean an alien landing? Are we going to find out about Area 51?
Smith: No, that’s not what I’m eluding towards
Hood: Is Pryde going to take his mask off and finally unravel the government alien conspiracy which has lasted for like 50 years?
Smith: No
Hood: Well, then I don’t care…we are in New Mexico…there HAS to be aliens
Smith: Okay, well maybe this guy can kinda sorta be seen as an alien
Hood: REALLY? Who is he???
Smith: Folks, I present to you…THE EASTER BUNNY
Hood: Oh for fucks sake
~Some kind of goofy, cartoonish theme begins to play as a generic looking Easter bunny appears from behind the curtain on top of the OCW ramp. He has a basket full of eggs and, more importantly, plastic eyes beaming with joy. Parents with small children point towards him as he skips down the aisle, waving at all the little ones in attendance. A kid reaches out and touches his whiskers, he laughs in a gay fashion…like, ya know, happy gay…before continuing to skip down to the ring~
Smith: Look at him! I love the Easter Bunny!
Hood: Fucking pedophile in a cheap Halloween costume
Smith: Don’t you demean my childhood memories
Hood: Sorry, but if I accidentally unearth memories of you being raped by a giant rabbit, that’s your fault, not mine.
Smith: Shut up!
~The Easter Bunny begins to hide eggs around the ring as the fans clap for his stupid song. After hiding each egg, he giggles and shakes his tail. The crowd, for some reason…maybe the fact there’s like nothing to do in New Mexico…is really behind this~
Hood: Easter was yesterday…why are we celebrating holidays the day after? Can’t we focus on something that really matters…like…
Smith: Like what?
Hood: How about like today back in something something BC…Romulus founded Rome…huh? How do you like that! Sure fucking beats celebrating Easter with a weird ass Easter Bunny a day late.
Smith: Agree to disagree
Hood: And why is he shaking his ass like that…the fuck is wrong with this bunny, is he trying to Twerk in front of all these kids?
Smith: I think it’s just something people dressed as giant animals do
Hood: What a weird world this is
~Suddenly “Hail to the King” by Avenged Sevenfold begins to play as Trent Collins makes his way down to the ring~
Smith: Oh, gee, look at me losing track of time…it looks like our next match is upon us!
Hood: Hey, it’s that guy from last week…do you think he wants an autograph from Pedo Rabbit?
Smith: Doubtful
~Collins reaches ringside as the Easter Bunny is nearby tickling some young kid on the cheek and laughing while rubbing the kid’s head, playfully. Collins steps on one of the Bunny’s easter eggs without noticing, it shatters. The Bunny stops playing with the kid and stands upright…he slowly turns around, glaring at Collins through his lifeless, plastic eyes. Collins looks at the Bunny, confused~
Smith: Umm
Hood: Ohhhhh shit, he like just killed one of the bunnies babies
Smith: Bunnies don’t lay eggs
Hood: Fucking seriously?
Smith: Yes, they are not reptiles
Hood: Then why all the pomp and circumstance surrounding eggs…I just…eh, fuck it, this is why I don’t have kids.
~The Easter Bunny slowly places his basket on the ground before charging at Collins and spearing him to the ground!! The crowd goes eerily silent as the Easter Bunny unloads on Collins with vicious left and right paws to the face. Collins face begins to bleed as little razors have come out from the bunny’s claws to exact his revenge~
Smith: Oh my gosh!!
Hood: This fucking bunny is AWESOME
Smith: How very disturbing…why does he have razor sharp claws?
Hood: I don’t know, probably the same reason he has eggs…nothing makes sense with this guy
~The Bunny begins to bite and chew on Collins face as blood spurts and flies into the air. Collins reaches up with his hands and claws at the Bunny’s mask, ripping one of the eyes out. The Bunny reaches under the ring and pulls out barbed wire…he digs it into Collins face as Collins emits a high pitched scream of “HELP! FOR THE LOVE, SOMEBODY HELP ME! HE’S FUCKING KILLING ME!!” Kids bury their faces into their parents arms as parents in New Mexico begin to consider a refund~
Smith: I know Trent Collins wasn’t exactly setting the world on fire…but nobody deserves this
Hood: Dude…
Smith: Yea?
Hood: Nah man…just…dude…
~The Easter Bunny finally ceases the brutal mauling, tossing the razor sharp barbed wire to the side. He stands up, one eye hanging from its socket and his white suit drenched in Collins blood. He looks down at Collins and slowly tilts his head…Collins is motionless, none of his facial features can be made out as his face semi resembles roast beef covered in marinara sauce. The Bunny then lifts his head and begins to skip around the ring, all jolly and happy like nothing happened~
Smith: I think we need to remove this Easter Bunny from the arena
Hood: Someone get me a gun…that fucking thing is not coming near me!
Smith: He’s turning the corner, Hood!
Hood: FUCK
~Smith and Hood both duck under their desk as the bunny happily skips right by them. Suddenly, a Freestyle Hip Hop Rap beat fills the arena as Samson emerges from behind the curtain. Fans turn and watch the newcomer to OCW make his way down the ring…aside from the little kids, who are still ridiculously traumatized. Samson makes his way to the ring, stepping over Collins and enters~

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a Triple Threat match, elimination style, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, lying covered in blood outside the ring due to a vicious assault from the Easter Bunny…Trent Collins. And, his opponent, from Parts Unknown…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 400lbs…Samson!!!
~Samson is in the ring, watching the Easter Bunny go from skipping, to hopping. “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor hits and the fans turn and watch one of the fastest rising members in OCW and a teammate of Operation Zero, PerZag, make his way to the ring~
Belvedere: And their opponent, from Benalla, standing 6’5 and weighing in at 216lbs…PerZag!!
~Belvedere quickly exits whatever side of the ring is opposite the Easter Bunny as PerZag stops near Collins body. He steps over Collins body and nearly steps on an egg…the Easter Bunny stops and glares at PerZag from across the ring. PerZag throws his arms in the air, dodges the egg, and enters into the ring. The Easter Bunny goes back to hopping. Belvedere sounds the bell to start the match~
Smith: Well, folks, it looks as though we’re finally going to get this match underway
Hood: Ya know, if you want to win this match it’s pretty freakin simple
Smith: What, pin or make the other opponents submit?
Hood: Well, there’s only one person to beat, Collins is pretty much dead
Smith: True
Hood: But, no, what I’m saying is toss your opponent out of the ring where he lands on some of those eggs…let the Bunny do all the work
Smith: Not a horrible theory…although I would feel much safer if, you know…SECURITY COULD REMOVE THIS LUNATIC RABBIT FROM RINGSIDE
~The Easter Bunny rushes up and rubs a kid’s head, the kid cries as the parent tries to usher the Easter Bunny off as nicely as possible without invoking the inner rabbit wrath. Back in the ring, PerZag and Samson lock up. Collins lifeless body is lying on the mat, on its back. Samson throws PerZag into the nearest corner, PerZag hits hard. Samson runs in and slams into PerZag with a splash!! Samson backs out as PerZag staggers from the corner. Samson then runs PerZag over with a shoulder tackle. Samson goes to the corner and hops onto the middle rope, showing decent agility for a man his size~
Smith: Samson is proving that he may be worthy?
Hood: What the fuck ever…it was just a shoulder tackle…for all we know, Samson may have tripped into PerZag...dude’s fat, you know
Smith: I wouldn’t call him fat…just, well, just big boned
Hood: FAT
~Samson leaps off the middle rope, looking to squash PerZag, but PerZag rolls out of the way and Samson lands hard on the mat. PerZag gets to his feet and he kicks Samson right in the face!! Samson rolls over onto his back, in pain. PerZag walks over to Collins and places his foot on Collins chest shouting “NOT WORTHY”…Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings as PerZag kicks Collins out of the ring where he falls onto the mat, narrowly missing another egg. The Easter Bunny turns and stares to make sure no eggs were harmed in the elimination. He then rushes over and grabs a toddler…the parents scream in terror as the Easter bunny tickles the toddlers stomach and laughs…he then motions for the parents to take a picture. The parents hands are shaking as they fumble around with their smart phone. The Easter Bunny grows impatient~
Smith: I wouldn’t keep that hare waiting
Hood: That’s why smart phones suck…too complicated, if the dude had a flip phone, pic would already be taken.
Smith: Stop trying to defend your cheapness
Hood: Frugality, Smith
~The Easter Bunny rips the phone from the father and takes a selfie of himself and the toddler. He then hands the phone and the kid back yelling “WAS THAT SO FUCKING HARD?” before resuming his hopping around the ring…he approaches the announce booth for the second time as Smith and Hood duck underneath it again, until he’s passed them by. We focus back into the ring as PerZag has Samson on his feet…PerZag kicks Samson in the gut and he drills him into the mat with a DDT! PerZag hops to his feet and poses for the crowd, they boo him~
Smith: These fans deem PerZag unworthy
Hood: Well these fans are fucking idiots
Smith: I believe some of them are smarter than you think
Hood: Really? Then why are they still seated in here with their kids while a maniacal bunny is on the loose?
Smith: Solid point
~PerZag rolls his eyes at the fans…he lifts Samson to his feet, kicks Samson in the gut, hooks him for a suplex, delivers a short, snap perfect plex and holds on for the pin! Scruff slides in, through the puddle of blood from Collins…almost like a slip n’ slide and makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings and Belvedere makes the announcement~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…PERZAG!!!!!
Smith: Wow…PerZag dominated this match
Hood: With an Easter Bunny assis….shit…he’s coming back this way!!
~They duck under the announce table again as the Easter Bunny hops by them. Smith peeks up over the announce table~
Smith: Folks, let’s head backstage
~We cut backstage President Dean watches from the Gorilla position as Samson walks past him and he looks genuinely upset with his performance. He then looks over at Keg who is being bandaged up after his match. With Leo the High School Intern behind him, he shakes his head and turns toward Leo~
President Dean: There has got to be a better way to vet these guys. I am sick and tired of sending these new people out there only to see that they just were not ready to be on live television.
~Leo moves up towards him~
Leo the High School Intern: Well, we do STILL have the domain and means to broadcast on the internet still ...perhaps there is a way that you can use that to not only take advantage of digital media again but a way to test out new hires and give our more established stars another avenue to shine.
~Dean thinks it over~
President Dean: Alright dawg, I want you to come up with a proposal to bring all of that together and bring it to me at Total Demolition. And make the concept cost efficient.
~Leo gives him a goofy neurotic salute knowing that he is probably biting off more than he can chew with this idea~
Leo the High School Intern: Um ...yes sir!
~He stumbles away trying to come up with ideas to make this concept work. Right as he turns around, Perzag is there waiting for him with a smirk on his face~
Perzag: I see that you are having a problem with EVERY new guy but the members of Operation Zero. The rest do not even make an honorable mention on my Worthy List. And now I hear that you are giving Chad Vargas a shot at my stable mate’s Internet title. What makes him worthy of that privilege? I should be the measuring stick that people have to go through before they challenge for that title.
~President Dean smirks at him~
President Dean: Firstly, you do not even know that Kobra is going to be champion after tonight. But listen up Dawg ...you want to go around declaring who is or isn’t worthy and you want to say that people need to get through you before challenging for the Internet title, I am going to give you a chance to prove that you are truly worthy. You see, I just came up with an idea. I want to call it THE WORTHY LIST CHALLENGE!
~A smile graces Perzag’s face~
Perzag: I like the sound of that. I think you finally are starting to have some good ideas.
President Dean: I would not get that excited Dawg because this match is going to feature you facing off against the other new comers that I actually see potential in. Here is how it works: you are going to step into the ring with The Bounty Hunter, Brian Cady, Richard, and Bob Grenier. When the bell rings, ten minutes will be put up on the clock. Once those ten minutes are up, the man with the most pinfalls will TRULY be worthy to challenge for the Internet title at a very special event that I have in the works. And if you happen to win AND Kobra happens to be the Internet champion then you have a VERY important choice to make.
~Perzag continues to look confident in the face of adversity~
Perzag: Bring them on! I will prove that they belong nowhere on the Worthy List.
President Dean: Good luck, dawg because I think you are going to need it.
~Perzag walks off leaving Dean to continue to wander around the hangar. We head back to ringside. We cut back to ringside where the bloodied, deformed and deranged Easter Bunny has finished hiding all of the eggs. For some reason, nobody has come out and removed him from ringside. The Easter Bunny asks Belvedere for his mic~
Smith: He dare not refuse
Hood: No shit
~Belvedere hands it over~
Easter Bunny: Alllllright kiddos…it’s that time…time for the annual OCW Easter egg hunt…some come on down to ringside and let’s get started!!
~Parents and children stare at the deformed, bloodied Easter Bunny and remain motionless. The Easter Bunny stands at ringside for a few moments before growing frustrated~
Easter Bunny: Oh, come on now folks! This is supposed to be fun! Come on down here and partake in an Easter tradition! We wouldn’t want another Trent Collins incident…would we?
Hood: Send your fucking kids down there now!!!
~Parents, displaying horrible parental skills, send their children down there. Some, follow their kids…which, doesn’t make them great parents, but better than the ones remaining in the stands. The kids pick up a basket from a pile situated at the bottom of the ramp and they slowly walk around…the children begin to cry and panic when they see the deranged bunny walk around, watching them. Some parents shield their children, finding this too be too dangerous~
Easter Bunny: What’s wrong? Don’t you like hunting for my eggs? Are my eggs not good enough for you? Do you not like my eggs???
~One child, in particular, has a nervous breakdown and begins sobbing. The Easter Bunny throws his arms up in frustration and heads over to the kid. He stomps his foot in anger…it just so happens to be Collins blood puddle from earlier. Blood splashes up, nailing a few kids in the face…they all begin to freak out and run away~
Easter Bunny: Stop your running…stop it right now!! You WILL look for my eggs…you WILL find them…you hear me! Look!! LOOK FOR THEM!! I COMMAND IT!!!
~Before this scene can deteriorate any further “Fuck Was I” by Jenny Owen Young begins to play as Ehud of Moab enters into the ring area on his bicycle. He rides hard down the ramp before showing excellent brake skills by stopping right in front of the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny tilts his head, glaring at Ehud as Ehud hops off his bike and kicks the stand out to keep it from falling~
Smith: Ehud is here!
Hood: Looks like he just rode into town or the hangar on, I guess, a brand new bike
Smith: Well, when you travel by bike, it does take a while
Easter Bunny: You’re not young enough to hunt eggs, old man…why don’t you…
~Ehud snatches the mic from the Easter Bunny’s hand and promptly slaps him across the face. The Easter Bunny lunges at Ehud…but Ehud is too quick…he grabs one of the Bunny’s arms and applies a pair of cuffs around the wrist. He then drags the screaming, lunatic bunny to the nearest ring post, wrapping his arms around it, behind him and cuffing them to the post. The Bunny is tightly fastened around the ring post and going nowhere. Ehud tips his hat to the children at ringside before rolling inside, ready for his match~
Smith: Good ole Ehud! Restoring justice once again
Hood: The Easter Bunny was pretty cool but, I have to admit, I like him better chained up
Smith: Indeed

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is a triple threat, elimination style…introducing first, from Moab, Utah…standing 5’5.75” and weighing in at 140lbs…Ehud of Moab!!
~”Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley begins to play as James Carson…the man nobody cares about, makes his way to the ring. He slowly enters~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from New Orleans, Louisiana…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 210lbs…James Carson!!!
~Carson’s music ends as “Dexter’s theme” begins to play and the Bounty Hunter makes his first OCW appearance. He enters into the ring as his theme comes to a close~
Belvedere: And their opponent, from New York City, New York…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 216 lbs…The Bounty Hunter!!!
~Belvedere exits and sounds the bell as this match is underway. The children and parents all stand around the Easter Bunny. They look up at Ehud…he gives them the go ahead…they all begin to beat down the Easter Bunny as he’s chained to the post~
Smith: Wow! A new Easter Tradition is taking place, Hood!
Hood: Fuck yea, beat the shit out of the deranged Easter Bunny
Smith: Anything stand out?
Hood: That little five or six year old has a vicious right hook…Dean may look into getting that kid some training.
Smith: Indeed!
~A mother smacks the Bunny with her purse while a father steps up and knees the Bunny right in the groin, assuming he’s a male. He did have a deep voice, in case you didn’t notice earlier. The kids all kick him in the shins…one parent lifts up their two year old, the kid spits up all over the Bunny’s face. All in all, it’s a pretty vicious beat down when you take into account it is being administered by young children, house wives and father’s who sit behind a desk all day~
Smith: Okay, they can stop now
Hood: That’s some family bonding, Smith…those kids will never forget this moment
Smith: Counselors in New Mexico are hustling to get the names and numbers of all these families right now, I’m sure.
Hood: Fucking ruthless assholes…they are worse than two truck drivers
Smith: Nobody is worse than those guys
Hood: True, we need a tow truck guy in OCW…he can always be the first person at ringside after a beat down
~Inside the ring, Ehud looks over at the Bounty Hunter who, we think is, stares back…hard to tell, he’s got a mask on. Carson begins to feel ignored…he rushes at the Bounty Hunter…Hunter elbows him in the head. Carson staggers towards the middle of the ring…Ehud walks up and delivers the Biblical Punch to Carson’s head!! Carson falls to the mat. Ehud moves to cover Carson, but Hunter kicks Ehud in the head knocking him to the mat!! Hunter then goes for the pin, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~Hunter gets to his feet and he tosses Carson out of the ring before turning his attention to Ehud, who has made it back to his feet and does not look pleased~
Smith: Well, that didn’t take very long
Hood: That’s why fans shouldn’t get in the ring…you’ll get hit with the Biblical Left Hook
Smith: That wasn’t a fan…that was James Carson
Hood: Is that like a descendant of Johnny Carson?
Smith: Doubtful…Johnny had charisma
~Hunter goes to lock up with Ehud…Ehud, though, ducks Hunter’s grasp and winds up standing behind Hunter. Hunter turns around and Ehud drills him in the face with a quick jab. Hunter staggers back, holding his jaw. He then rushes at Ehud again…again Ehud dodges his arms, winds up behind Hunter…Hunter turns around and is met with another jab to the jaw. Hunter grabs his jaw again, displaying a bit of frustration at Ehud’s cat like quickness and punching skills~
Smith: Apparently The Bounty Hunter does not want to get into a boxing match with Ehud
Hood: I heard Ehud medaled in amateur boxing at the 1912 Olympic games.
Smith: That would make Ehud the oldest person ever
Hood: That’s what living off of dirt does for you, it extends your life…lots of nutrients in the dirt
~Back outside the ring, the fans continue to pummel the Easter Bunny. His suit is now tattered and torn…the one hanging eye has completely fallen off and the other is crooked. Suddenly, a fan emerges with a bunch of box cutters, he distributes them to the assortment of fathers, mothers and kids surrounding the rabid rabbit~
Smith: Wait a minute…this might be going too far
Hood: Carve that fucker up!
Smith: Despite his craziness, that’s still a human being underneath that suit
Hood: Dude, he’s a rabbit…those people probably really like rabbit stew around here…as a matter of fact, isn’t that the official meal of New Mexico
Smith: No, it is not
~A kid walks up and shanks the rabbit in the side…parents and other kids follow suit as they all begin to shank and stab the rabbit who is chained to the ring post. The rabbit shrieks and shrills in pain as we focus back on the action inside the ring. Hunter, angry at Ehud’s punching abilities, reaches out and grabs Ehud by the throat. Ehud tries to fight him off as Hunter carries him into the corner and places him on the top turnbuckle. Ehud throws down several punches onto Hunter’s head, but Hunter is too focused to allow these punches to deter him. He stands on the bottom rope, lifts Ehud up and tosses Ehud across the ring with a gorilla press slam!! Ehud hits hard and instantly grabs his hip~
Smith: Did Ehud break his hip?
Hood: I don’t know, the guy is like 130…probably
Smith: He’s 80
Hood: Impossible, he medaled at the 1912 Olympic Games
Smith: HE DID NOT
~We look out at the Easter Bunny as the crowd steps back…his suit is now a dark pink, soaked in blood. Blood drips to the ground as the Bunny’s head is hanging without any strength left to support it. The Box Cutter guy collects his box cutters, which are all covered in blood. The group then resumes beating the Bunny with punches and kicks~
Smith: More death…and the day after such a wonderful holiday
Hood: Yea, well, that fucking thing had it coming
Smith: Hopefully he isn’t dead
Hood: Thankfully I don’t give a shit
~Hunter walks over to Ehud, who is still holding his hip. Hunter pauses for a moment…Ehud then shows how spry he is by twirling around and kicking Hunter in the back of the knee!! Hunter falls to the mat and Ehud goes for the pin, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Close one there as Ehud surprised The Bounty Hunter
Hood: Just like that second round fight back in 1912 when he invented the rope a dope…a strategy where he laid low until his opponent punched himself out…then Ehud unleashed a Biblical barrage
Smith: I hate to break it to you, but the rope a dope was invented by Muhammad Ali against George Foreman in 1974
Hood: That’s exactly what the government wants you to think
Smith: Pssshhhh
~”Ehud climbs to his feet and he stands in a corner, waiting for Hunter to get to his feet. Hunter does and Ehud rushes out, looking for a running punch to Hunter’s head…Hunter, though, dodges it, lifts Ehud up and drops him with a sidewalk slam onto the mat!! The fans boo Bounty Hunter as he gets to his feet and begins to stomp on Ehud’s hip, angrily~
Smith: Well, if it wasn’t broken before, Bounty Hunter is going to do everything he can to remedy that
Hood: Of course it wasn’t broken before…Ehud was re-enacting that Trojan Horse ploy he invented in the third round of the boxing tournament at the 1912 Olympics
Smith: You have got to be joking
Hood: Yes, Ehud arrived in the belly of a Trojan Horse for the boxing match…his opponent was confused…Ehud hopped out and drilled him with the Biblical Left Hook to win the match.
Smith: That Trojan Horse incident is from the Iliad…a story Homer told thousands of years ago
Hood: More government conspiracy…The Iliad, The Odyssey…those are stories Ehud told while at the Olympics to woo the females into his bed chambers.
~Hunter yanks Ehud to his feet and he whips him into the ropes…Ehud bounces off and Hunter lifts his leg up, drilling Ehud in the face with a big boot!! Ehud falls onto the mat, holding his face in pain. Hunter then lifts Ehud to his feet, kicks him in the gut and pulls him up into a powerbomb position…Ehud starts to punch Hunter in the head until Hunter releases him! Ehud lands on his feet and he punches Hunter in the face…Hunter staggers into the ropes, bounces off and Ehud delivers an uppercut to Hunter, taking him down. Ehud goes for the pin, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Ehud with an array of fists to Bounty Hunter but it couldn’t keep the debuting wrestler down for the three count.
Hood: He’s just softening him up for the World Renowned Biblical Left Hook!
Smith: World Renowned might be a bit of a stretch
Hood: The stories of Ehud’s mighty power reached the land of Grimace…that’s pretty fucking far
Smith: What, a McDonalds? We have those on every street corner here in the United States!
~Ehud grabs Hunter by his head, yanking him to his feet. He delivers a forearm uppercut to Hunter’s face…Hunter staggers into the ropes and bounces off. Ehud goes for the Biblical Left Hook but Hunter ducks…he grabs Ehud, lifts him up and drops him on his hip with an Atomic Drop. Ehud walks into the ropes, bounces off…Hunter twirls him around, knees him into the gut, lifts him up and powerbombs Ehud into the mat!! Hunter goes for a pin, Scruff counts~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Bounty Hunter’s trademark Powerbomb there…it couldn’t keep Ehud down
Hood: Hmm, you can’t keep Ehud down…he’s 130 years old…I think I’m figuring it all out…Ehud is a vampire
Smith: I seriously doubt that, Ehud is from Moab, Utah…I’ve never heard of vampires living in Utah
Hood: True, Utah is too Mormon for them…the mystery of Ehud continues
~Hunter looks ready to finish Ehud off…he yanks Ehud to his feet and drapes Ehud over his shoulder, looking for a tombstone piledriver. Ehud, though, grabs Hunter’s head under his arm and punches the top of his head. Hunter bends backwards as Ehud gets on his feet with Hunter’s head under his arm in a position for a reverse DDT. Instead of DDTing Hunter, Ehud punches Hunter right in the face! Hunter falls to the mat, holding his face in pain. Ehud takes a few steps back, waiting for Hunter to get to his feet~
Smith: He’s setting The Bounty Hunter up!
Hood: Yes, just like the spider who sets his web for unsuspecting prey…you know, Ehud invented spiders
Smith: WHATEVER
~Hunter reaches his feet, turns around and is met with a HUGE Biblical Left Hook from Ehud!! Hunter falls to the ground and is laid out. Ehud goes for the pin, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: Bounty Hunter survived the Biblical Left Hook!
Hood: Hmm, something is wrong here…wrestlers don’t kick out of the Biblical Left Hook…Ehud must have not got all of it.
Smith: Looked pretty flush to me
Hood: I think that was more of a Scientological Left Hook
Smith: Don’t think that’s even a word
Hood: Not yet
~Ehud gets to his feet, ready to punch Hunter again. Hunter makes it to his feet and Ehud goes for a second Biblical Left Hook but Hunter ducks! Hunter shoves Ehud towards the ropes, Ehud runs into them, bounces off and Hunter goes for a lariat but Ehud ducks!! Ehud stops behind Hunter and jumps onto his back with a Sleeper applied~
Smith: Ehud is attempting to put The Bounty Hunter to sleep!
Hood: A trick he must have learned from The Sandman when they used to cruise for chicks back in the day. Back in the day when you didn’t need date rape pills. Mr Sandman would just cast a spell on them.
Smith: No
~Hunter falls back into a corner, sandwiching Ehud into the corner, trying to get him off of his back. Ehud is resilient and tough, he hangs on to the sleeper. Hunter repeats this maneuver three or four times but simply cannot shake Ehud. He then walks towards the center of the ring with Ehud holding onto his sleeper. Ehud then begins to punch Hunter in the side of the head…Hunter’s knees grow weak. Ehud is relentless with his punches until Hunter collapses to his knees. Hunter then falls face first onto the mat…Ehud, still on his back, releases his grip and suddenly locks in a Camel Clutch!! The crowd rises to their feet in support of Ehud~
Smith: The Moab Mule!!
Hood: Told ya, Ehud had this planned out all along
Smith: It isn’t over yet!
~Hunter searches for a rope to grab, but he’s dead center in the ring. Ehud uses the incredible strength in his ancient forearms to clamp down on the pressure. After much determination and fighting to break free…Hunter has no choice, he taps out. Scruff calls for the bell and it quickly sounds as Ehud breaks the hold~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…EHUD OF MOAB!!!!!
Smith: Ehud did it…after a great effort from The Bounty Hunter in his OCW debut
Hood: Ehud the conquerer…Ehu the great…Ehud the bringer of rain!
Smith: Uhhh, sure…but, I’ll admit, when I first heard an 80 year old man was going to compete in OCW…I assumed we’d witness certain death in the ring. However, he’s proven to be a valuable asset.
Hood: Fucking Ehud
~Ehud rolls out of the ring and heads to the ravaged Easter Bunny. He shoos the people away and undoes the cuffs around the Bunny’s wrists. He hoists the Bunny’s lifeless carcass over his shoulder and carries it to his new bike. Ehud lays the Bunny’s body over the handle bars of his bike before hopping on and riding off to a thunderous ovation from the crowd. The Bounty Hunter exits the ring, looking angry~
Smith: You have to image an overwhelming sense of emptiness if permeating within The Bounty Hunter after that narrow defeat.
Hood: Shit’s tough
~Hunter looks around the ring and he begins to stomp on all the Easter eggs…crushing them with ease. The fans, for some reason, boo this action…displaying short term memories and completely forgetting the lunatic who placed them out there to begin with. Hunter goes around the ring, squashing every single egg. Once he’s finished, he heads up the ramp and exits~
Smith: So uncalled for
Hood: Are you kidding me? Who’s to say those eggs weren’t filled with radioactive poison or little gremlin demons from the underworld.
Smith: Me.
Hood: As far as I’m concerned, The Bounty Hunter just saved our lives
Smith: Oh geez…folks, let’s go backstage
~We cut backstage where Amber Ryan is seen sitting alone in a locker room, her head forward, causing the locks of red hair to drape over the OCW Tag team championship belt rested on her shoulder. A knock comes at the door, one which she ignores. Another comes, she ignores it again, although the knocker took this as a hearty ‘come in’ as the door creaked open. Stood there was Danny B, his own title belt over his shoulder~
Danny? Angel?
~She remains motionless, so he steps into the room and closes the door behind him~
Danny: Look chic, I wanna talk to ya.
~She looks up at him, a mix of curiosity and anger on her face~
Amber: And what the fuck do you want?
~He moves in closer, and sits down beside her, she flinches, but doesn’t move~
Danny: Look, no one ever said we were the best of team mates, I think that’s been established. But we need to make sure something to clear to everyone in this company, and I think I need to make it clear to you.
~She looks directly at him, her expression unchanged~
Danny: No matter what we have going on individually, let’s make sure that no one forgets we are the tag team champions together. Just because we are two of the fastest rising stars in this company and we have other agendas at the moment, doesn’t mean that we come together it isn’t a sign of just pure domination.
~She almost cracks a smile at this one~
Amber: So what, has HE come round to me?
Danny: Amber, fuck what he thinks, we might be friends and partners, but you were here first alright? We have overcome a fuck load to be champions, and nothing is going to stand in our way when these things are on the line.
~He pats the gold across his shoulders~
Danny: I know you’re not competing tonight, and that’s a good thing I think. Keep your mind straight, after what goes down in that ring tonight, you may be needed more than ever.
Amber: So you’re not here to berate me for joining them?
Danny: Why would I? We all wanna see the family have their areses handed to them, and every goody-goody team needs a bad ass to make sure that the right people get hurt at the right time, and they couldn’t have picked anyone better than you.
~Her look of repulsion seems less than usual~
Danny: Look, we have a few issues to deal with OK, don’t think that I’ve forgotten, Anubis and I aren’t together in this to be tag champions, to be honest, as much as I know he will never admit it, he doesn’t want to be stuck as a tag team wrestler anymore, and I don’t blame him. Without you, I don’t know if they would have stood a chance, but with you, I know The Family is going down.
~His niceness still stands to confuse her~
Amber: So why is he here then?
Danny: That’s a story for another time, just make sure you’re prepared, three fifths of that team are in serious competition tonight, make sure you are ready, because if Team Brianna can’t get the job done next week, we might have to instead.
Amber: We’ll get it done.
Danny: That’s what I like to hear. Oh, and do us a personal favour. When you drop Fuller with the Original Sin, make it hurt, a snapped neck on that cunt bag would do the world a favour.
~She nods, a sly smile on her face~
Danny: Alright, I’ll catch up with you in the week OK?
~She nods silently. He reaches out for a hug, as a compromise she shakes his hands. In Ripper’s eyes, that’s still something. He stands up, and after one more gaze at her, leaves the locker room~
Amber: If I didn’t know better, I’d say that asshole has gone soft.
~She stands herself and heads towards the showers. We head back to ringside~
Smith: Oh that wily Archia…such a joy to watch
Hood: Shoot me in the face
Smith: Now, Hood, she isn’t that bad
Hood: Oh my gosh, Smith…like, really? Kissing a girl with facial herpes would be more appealing than listening to Ana Archia talk
Smith: Well, some herpes can be hidden or it can go domant
Hood: I’m talking like herpes so bad it looks like you have the chicken pox
Smith: Oh, well, yea, that would be a bit less than savory
Hood: Say…how do you know so much about herpes anyway?
Smith: Let’s cut to some video footage from outside the airport
~Outside of the arena a group of protesters with signs that read "ANIMALS DON'T DESERVE TO DIE" "HAVE SOMEONE SIT ON AND KILL BIFFORD" "ANIMALS FIRST, HUMANS SECOND" "MEAT IS MURDER" and "DEAN MUST PAY FOR CAMEL'S BLOOD" walk around in circles near the wrestlers' entrance. A large Mercedes pulls up and honks its horn at them. They reluctantly part and let the Mercedes through after some instructions from security. The driver of the car gets out and opens the backseat door and The Big Bifford steps out. The PETA people begin shouting obscenities at him and he waves at them pleasantly. The driver walks over and opens the trunk and Bifford's zombie manager, Earl the Undead Popcorn Salesman, climbs out of the trunk. The protestors get a bit more quiet as the zombie moves around near the car. Bifford walks toward the arena and the zombie follows, lumbering around behind him. We cut back to ringside~
Hood: Bifford is here! He’s in Silverfreak’s home town!
Smith: I see that
Hood: He should be greeted with whores and roses falling from the sky and ham…lots of ham, or fried chicken…not fucking PETA
Smith: Yea, PETA can get awfully ugly
Hood: I heard that for every animal harmed, they will, in turn, kill a human
Smith: Sounds about right…anyway, speaking of animals…it’s time for our most interesting match of the evening…perhaps, as Richard, in his Rodeo Clown element, will take on the returning former OCW World Champion…Curt Canon! Let’s cut to our live feed from wherever they are at…
Hood: I have no doubt PETA is going to love this one

Richard (1-Eternity) vs. Curt Canon (0-0)
~Our scene cuts to an indoor bull riding arena where Gruff, Scruff’s black clone, is standing in the middle, covered in dirt for some odd reason. He quickly points to his right as “In Too Deep” by Sum 41 begins to play and Richard emerges from behind a cattle gate. He has chaps on, a cowboy shirt, some kind of bandana around his neck, cowboy hat and clown makeup all over his face. Richard isn’t fucking around~
Smith: The famous Richard song, In Too Deep
Hood: That’s what his dad said when he was railing Richard’s mom at that truck stop twenty something years ago…In Too Deep, can’t pull out now…and, well, here we are 20 years later.
Smith: Terrible
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a Rodeo Clown Match…introducing first, Richard!
~Richard spins around the arena with a lasso…he throws it at Gruff, missing wildly. Richard then gets to one knee, kisses his hand and points at the sky. There is no crowd, so there are no cheers. Richard gets up and does a bow. “Figure 8” by Trust Company hits as Curt Canon and James Vorex enter into the arena. James Vorex has a giant boom box over his shoulder blaring cheers for Canon. Canon waves around the arena…unlike Richard, Canon is dressed normally~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Tafton, Pennsylvania…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 165 lbs…he is a former OCW World and Tag Team Champion…he is seeking entrance into the illustrious OCW Hall of Fame…please welcome back…Curt Canon!!!
~Vorex turns up the volume on his boom box for louder cheers. A bell sounds as Vorex turns around and hops on top of one of the cattle gates before turning off the cheering track from his boom box. Gruff looks at Richard and Canon and signals that it’s time to begin~
Smith: Well, Hood…this should be something
Hood: First time ever, people with no lives watching at home… a fucking Rodeo Clown match…I’m stoked!
Smith: How about that street fight coming up later?
Hood: It’s all downhill after this, Smith
~Richard and Canon quickly lock up…Richard snags Canon in an armbar…Canon rolls around in the dirt, flips over and reverses the arm bar! He takes Richard’s arm and wrenches in behind his back…Richard gets on his tip toes, trying to avoid as much pain as possible from this hold. He throws an elbow behind him which catches Canon right in the face!! Vorex quickly hits play on a track as BOOOOOOO comes out from the speakers. Richard picks Canon up and he body slams him into the dirt!! Canon arches his back in pain…Richard then yells out “Release the Kracken!”~
Smith: The Kracken?
Hood: The fuck’s with this guy
~Suddenly, a cattle gate opens up and a giant horse runs out bucking and kicking…it has no rider. Richard yanks Canon up and he whips Canon towards the horse. It’s a really long way away…Canon runs and runs and runs before wondering why he’s still running. He stops and turns around, looking back at Richard. Richard charges at Canon…this, too, takes a long time…Canon throws his hand out and waits as Richard runs right into his fist!! Richard staggers around before falling to the dirt…Vorex hits play for CHEEEEERS~
Hood: Listen to this crowd, Smith…they LOVE Curt Canon!
Smith: Those are fake cheers, Hood
Hood: Nah, man, someone had to make them…and I’m sure, while making them, they were staring at a picture of Curt Canon
Smith: Doubtful
~Canon does a standing moonsault, showing great athletic ability and lands on top of Richard. He goes for a pin, but before Gruff can count, the bronco runs into the picture and runs over Canon, stepping on his back!! Canon rolls off of Richard, holding his back in pain…Vorex plays the boos while yelling “Euthanize it!!!”~
Smith: Ahh, yes, the hazards of a Rodeo Clown Match
Hood: I’m sure Canon’s been with large women before…nothing this dude can’t handle
Smith: As large as a horse?
Hood: They are out there, Smith…and they crave some good ole fashioned lovin
~Richard kicks up to his feet, showing great agility…he yells out…another cattle gate is opened and a giant bull with huge fucking horns is released, kicking and moving around all bull like…I mean, if you’ve ever accidentally watched bull riding, because nobody does that on purpose, you know what I’m talking about here. Richard pulls out a red sheet from his pants…we don’t wonder how because he’s a clown…he covers Canon in it and yanks Canon to his feet, holding him out. The bull sees red and charges~
Smith: What the…
Hood: This is going to be fucking brutal!
Smith: Richard! What has gotten into you!
~Vorex tries to find something on the boom box that sounds like “get the fuck out of the way” but is struggling. The Bull is a few feet from Canon when, suddenly, Canon jumps in the air and leap frogs the fucking bull!!! He lands behind the bull as the bull stops and looks around all perplexed like. Canon then bows as Vorex hits the applause button. The bull, embarrassed and offended, charges at Vorex. Vorex is too busy laughing at the image of Canon jumping over the stupid bull. The bull rams into the cattle gate, sending Vorex flying backwards, crushing the boom box…before it does, we get one more “booooo…” as it slowly fades out before dying~
Smith: Curt Canon just leap frogged an adult male bull!
Hood: All bulls are male, you dumb shit
Smith: Well, exxxxxxcuse me Mr. Cowboy
Hood: Hey, you better watch what you fucking call me…I may be a lot of things, but I’m no fucking cowboy
~Richard yells out again…several gates open releasing, like, two horses and two more bulls…making it six giant, crazy farm animals kicking and running around. Richard looks at Canon, who is probably half a football field away. He charges at him…as he does, he gets kicked in the head by a horse! Richard falls over but gets back up and continues charging until a bull runs over him!! Undaunted, Richard gets back to his feet and charges again, only to get kicked in the head again!! He falls over…he slowly gets up…and charges once more…he gets gored by a fucking bull!! Richard’s body is sent flying into the air several feet before he lands on his head and neck. Shockingly, Richard gets back to his feet, glaring at Canon who has just been casually observing the relentless gauntlet that’s taken place in front of him~
Hood: Richard is some kind of fucking cyborg man
Smith: Guy can take a beating, that’s for sure
~A bull runs by and Canon hops on its back…Richard, beaten up and probably crippled…looks up and watches Canon ride the bull~
Smith: Can he hold on for eight seconds?
Hood: Why eight seconds?
Smith: Because that’s like the standard time
Hood: How the fuck do you know that
Smith: That dreamy Luke Perry movie
Hood: Ugh, gross man
~We hear someone counting…it’s Vorex! He’s back on his feet cheering his friend on…he is up to five…then six…then seven…then eight!! Vorex cheers! Canon looks down and flicks Richard off…he then stands on the bull’s back, leaps off and drops Richard with a Whisper in the Wind!~
Smith: Wow, some kind of agility shown there by Curt Canon
Hood: Majestic
Smith: If you’re going to be small, I guess it helps to have cat like agility
Hood: Hey, Curt Canon is no pussy…he just rode a fucking bull, man
~Vorex is about to yell some kind of instruction to Canon…as if he needs it…when, suddenly, his attention is diverted. His mouth drops open as a Giraffe rushes out with a bunch of tiny cars driving all over the place underneath its feet. The Giraffe is bucking just like the broncos…he charges at Canon. Canon stands there, in awe~
Smith: Move Curt! That Giraffe is stronger than it looks!
Hood: And the tiny cars…don’t trip on those
Smith: Oh yea, almost forgot about the tiny cars
Hood: First you disrespect KEG and now this
Smith: I never disrespected KEG!
~The Giraffe stops in front of Canon and lowers its long neck where it is face to face with the former OCW Champ. Canon begins to sing to the Giraffe and pets it…Vorex is moved by this scene. Gruff stands back, watching~
Smith: Such a nice, peaceful moment in an otherwise chaotic and nonsensical event
Hood: For real, how stupid is this…
~Suddenly, bulls and horses run over the Giraffe!! They find the African animal to be offensive in this southern United States town. They run him over, gore him, stomp him and otherwise turn him into mush. Canon steps back, watching this entire scene take place…Vorex shields his eyes. The tiny cars all bust massive U-turns and head back from where they came…maybe England~
Hood: You don’t ever play another animal’s game, Smith…Giraffes belong in a zoo, not the rodeo.
Smith: That was rather brutal
Hood: Shit, don’t make me get the Easter Bunny
Smith: Pretty sure he’s in jail right now…all this animal violence
Hood: Yea, feels like I’m watching Nat Geo or some shit
~Richard has finally made it back to his feet during this madness…he takes a giant piece of Giraffe flesh and flings it at Canon, Canon ducks and he kicks Richard in the gut! Richard doubles over…Canon grabs Richard’s head, twists him around and drops him with the Canon Cutter right into the dirt!! Canon stands up and places his foot on Richard chest…the bulls and horses walk up, watching…Gruff, nervously, goes down and makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell sounds~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, here is the winner of the first ever Rodeo Clown Match…CURT CANON!!!!!
Smith: Well, he won
Hood: Amazing match…five star…match of the month!
Smith: Well, hold off there, Hood…let’s wait for Total Demolition to take place
Hood: Bulls, Horses, Giraffes…TINY CARS…no way this can be topped
~Gruff runs away as the animals surround Canon. He stands there before being engulfed by them~
Smith: Oh no!
Hood: Shit, after seeing what they did to the Giraffe…Curt doesn’t stand a fucking chance
~Suddenly, in a shocking moment, they lift Curt in the air with their heads. Curt is hoisted in the air, victorious by the animals. He leaps up and hops onto the back of the largest, meanest bull and rides him out of the arena with the other animals following. Vorex tries to get in on it, but a bronco throws a kick at him. Vorex keeps his distance…Curt Canon exits the arena on top of a massive bull leading the once wild animals tamely back to their stables. We cut back to the airplane hanger which is being used as our arena for the evening~
Smith: If Curt Canon can tame a bunch of giant wild animals…well, he’s going to be tough to beat in OCW.
Hood: He’s like the bull whisperer
Smith: The Curt Canon legend continues…he’s one step closer to becoming an OCW Hall of Famer
Hood: It starts with Richard and continues next week, right?
Smith: Indeed…against Bobbinette Carey for the LightWeight Title…unfortunately for Curt, that match will take place under more serious circumstances.
Hood: What’s more serious than wrestling around a bunch of angry bulls and horses?
Smith: You know what I mean
Hood: Oh, you meant BORING
Smith: Folks..Total Demolition is just a few short days away…let’s check out a video hyping OCW’s next Pay Per View extravaganza
Hood: Sweet
~We cut to an advertisement for Total Demolition~
~The video comes to an end as we cut…~
Smith: What a great event we have scheduled for this coming Sunday…I don’t know what the town of Tombstone, Arizona has to offer…but it should be fun
Hood: Oh sure
Smith: Well, folks, it’s time for our next match this evening…a triple threat match involving OCW’s Southern Champion, Pryde. Pryde has a huge match scheduled at Total Demolition against Kenshin Takamura…as if that weren’t enough, he now has to go through Ana Archia and MJ Bell…tough week for Pryde.
Hood: Dean obviously hates masks
Smith: What are you talking about? He wears a zorro mask all the time
Hood: That is NOT President Dean…sheesh, for a smart guy, you’re really fucking dumb
Smith: Whatever…let’s go down to ringside

~'Soul Wars' by Awolnation begins as MJ Bell walks out rather excited. The jumbo tron screen is flashing different red tinted lights. As she makes her way down towards the ring she interacts with the crowd, giving high-fives. She makes her way up onto the apron before stepping through the ropes into the ring. When the song hits the word "AMEN" pyros explode from the stage. Afterwards she hops onto the corner of the turnbuckle with her arms raising in the air. The fans say “YAY!” because they like her~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen this match is a Triple Threat elimination style match up…introducing first, from Paradise, Michigan…standing 5’5 and weighing in at 123lbs…MJ Bell!!!
Smith: MJ Bell looks like she's all business tonight with no Kenshin around to distract her.
Hood: Are you implying that because she is a woman, she couldn't possibly perform or concentrate if a penis that interests her was somewhere in the same building?
Smith: What?! No, not at all! I'm just saying, her and Kenshin have a thing, so it must be kind of nice for her to have him away for the night so she can focus 100% on her match! JUST SAYING!
Hood: And I'm “just saying” I have very little tolerance for bigots, sir.
Smith: Since when?
Hood: Since five seconds ago when you finally accidentally said something sexist.
~"Daughters of Darkness" picks up and the fans burst into chanting "ANA! ANA! ANA!" over and over again. Ana gets lost in the black curtain and eventually fires herself out and jumps forward shouting "CANNONBALL" while tucking her legs. She comes down to the entrance ramp and lands on her feet throwing out her arms then throwing up her arms one after the other in her way of psyching up the crowd and herself. She rolls under the bottom rope and does a little shuffle dance. She walks over to the side of the ring and kicks up to the top rope and sits there looking out at the fans and back towards whoever is in the ring. Her fists are clenched because she is super pumped up and edgy.~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from uhm, Bookstore…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 103…Ana Archia!!!
Smith: We are in for a treat tonight!
Hood: Why? Did Dean put a sniper in the rafters to finally correct the recruiting mistake known as Ana Archia?
Smith: HEY! Ana Archia is COOL!
Hood: Yeah okay man.
~”Dangerous” by Within Temptation begins to play as the OCW Southern Champion makes his way to the ring. He places his title on the apron, underneath his corner and slides in under the bottom rope. The fans boo the current member of Operation Zero.~
Belvedere: And their opponent, from Parts Unknown, standing 5’8 and weighing in at 200lbs…he is the OCW Southern Champion….Pryde!!!
~Belvedere exits the ring. The bell rings. Ana Archia walks up to MJ Bell, unclenches her fist, and delivers a hard open handed slap to the head! A reddish-orange mush explodes all over MJ's face!~
Hood: What the fuck?
Smith: It appears Ana Archia came into this match armed with a fistful of ravioli! What a wacky and zany character she is!
~MJ reaches up to feel the thick smear of highly-processed canned pasta product across her face. Her eyes widen. She goes into a rage and begins to beat the complete fuck out of Ana Archia with a series of punches and knees. Ana is driven back into the corner by the ferocity of the attack.~
Hood: The zany wackiness seems to have backfired.
Smith: Perhaps Ana should have remembered... MJ just got out of jail for beating a stranger half to death with a plastic pipe.
Hood: How the fuck do you beat somebody half to death with a plastic pipe? Those things are specifically designed to be lightweight and also flexible under extreme stress...
Smith: I don't know, Hood, I wasn't there.
~MJ links Ana's arms into the ropes, then climbs to the second turnbuckle, allowing her to strike with easy knees to the upper body, and to reign down heavy punches. Pryde calmly walks over to the corner while this is going on. He leaps up using the first rope as a step, hooks MJ's head with his arm, and spins around to bring her back down to the mat with a huge spinning DDT!~
Smith: Wow! Pryde just cooled MJ's rage, dropping her with an extremely athletic maneuver off the second rope!
Hood: DAYUMN!
~Pryde stomps on MJ's ribs for good measure. Then he kneels down, as if to prepare MJ for a submission hold. Ana Archia stumbles out of the corner, gathering speed, and delivers a sliding dropkick to the back of Pryde's head. While doing so, she screams out...~
Ana: LOOK AT THE FLOWERS!!!
~Pryde goes flying over, face-first, into MJ's chest.~
Smith: Woah! Ana Archia putting a spin on her trademark manuever, Look at the Flowers!
Hood: What?
Smith: That's what she calls her sliding dropkick to the back of a kneeling opponent's head, Look at the Flowers! Except its traditionally delivered into the turnbuckle, not into MJ Bell!
Hood: WHAT? That's her “trademark maneuver”?! Just how often does she wind up with her opponents inexplicably kneeling towards the turnbuckles?!
Smith: I dunno. Maybe she's had a lot of really religious opponents in the past, and they go into the corner to pray?
Hood: That seems extremely likely.
~Ana gets to her feet, quite pleased with herself. She jogs to the far ropes, bounces off lazily, and comes back to deliver a double leg drop to both of her grounded opponents. She gets up again and seems to be deciding which one of the two competitors to focus on. Unfortunately for her, that choice is taken away when MJ Bell kicks out with one of her legs, tripping Ana to the ground. MJ Bell maintains contact with Ana's leg, spinning over, then up to her feet, rolling Ana into a perfect Sharpshooter in the process!~
Smith: A lot of fight left in MJ Bell despite an unintentional headbutt to the chest and a big leg drop!
Hood: A big leg drop?! It was a leg drop by a 100-pound woman, divided into two separate opponents... that's like the smallest big leg drop ever.
~Tears begin to pour from Ana's eyes, but she refuses to scream. She claws at the mat, but can't manage to get herself closer to the ropes. MJ locks the hold in tighter. Pryde gets up to a sitting position and observes.~
Hood: Well, Smith, I'd have to say that Pryde is the clear winner so far. First he gets a face full of tits, now he gets to sit back and watch some girl-on-girl scissoring.
Smith: That is completely inappropriate.
~Ana finally taps out. Scruff calls the official elimination. MJ breaks the hold and collapses from the extreme amount of effort she put into the hold.~
Smith: Ana Archia has been eliminated!
Hood: This was a first-loser-leaves-OCW-match, right?
Smith: No it was not.
Hood: Fuck that.
~Scruff tries to get Ana's limp body out of the ring. Pryde pushes him away. Scruff trips over MJ Bell and falls on top of her, hurting both of them. Pryde grabs Ana's hand. He scoops some of the ravioli residue out on the tip of one finger, then he smears it underneath Ana's nose, giving her a gross, orange tomato sauce moustache. Then he unwraps a layer of tape from his wrist. Underneat the white medical tape, there is a layer of black electrical tape. He removes all of the black tape, then re-shapes it into a crude eye mask and slaps it onto Ana's head. He grabs her hair and drags her up to a standing position. Then he yells towards the back...~
Pryde: Guys! I found him! I found Not President Dean!!!
~Suddenly, PerZag and Kobra sprint down to the ring. They take Ana Archia and drag her out of the ring.~
Kobra: You're coming with us, Not President Dean!
PerZag: You are a disgusting creature, Not President Dean! You reek of tomato sauce, seasoned beef, cheese... and unworthiness!
Hood: Operation Zero found Not President Dean again this week!!! He is so done for!!!
Smith: That is pretty clearly Ana Archia with a ravioli moustache and a mask made out of black tape...
Hood: You say tomato, I say who gives a fuck.
Smith: Looks like MJ and Scruff are both back on their feet, and this match is far from over!
~Pryde and MJ lock up in the center of the ring. MJ uses her deceptive strength to hold her own, the lock up ends in a draw, and the two break away from each other. They try locking up again. This time, Pryde gets the upper hand and whips MJ against the ropes. Pryde leaps up in the air for a dropkick, but MJ grabs onto the ropes instead of bouncing off, and Pryde falls to the mat! MJ immediately runs at her fallen opponent and attempts a baseball-slide kick, but Pryde slithers around the attack, gets up on his knees, and positions himself to catch MJ in a headlock from behind! MJ reaches up, trying frantically to strike Pryde, but he dodges the attacks. With his free hand, he rains down a series of punches to MJ's head before finally releasing her with a violent shove. Pryde stands up. MJ is also able to get to her feet, though she stumbles and staggers noticeably while doing so.~
Smith: These two seem like a good match for one another, with Pryde having a slight upper hand after that series of moves.
Hood: Slight Upper Hand? More like a Strong Pimp Hand... smack that ho, son!
Smith: Fans, I apologize, as usual, for Hood's language and for any confusion caused by his urban hipster slang... as far as I know, Pryde is not actually Hood's son, nor has MJ ever been employed as a prostitute or “ho”.
Hood: That's right, I was thinking of your mom.
Smith: How would my mom be your son?
~In the ring, Pryde runs towards MJ and leaps up to deliver a flying forearm strike. MJ drops down to the mat and Pryde goes flying over her and through the ropes. He lands on the concrete, managing to limit the damage to his body by rolling into an awkward somersault.~
Smith: Quick thinking by MJ Bell. Sometimes the best offense is a good defense!
Hood: I didn't see any “good defense”... I saw a woman collapsing from the effects of a sustained beating by a superior *cough* male *cough* athlete. If anything, Pryde caused MJ to fall down... its like he's so good he has to fight himself just to give these fans something to watch. Once again, Operation Zero saves OCW from itself.
Smith: As usual, you're providing the fans with a very inaccurate analysis of in-ring events.
~MJ remains on the mat, obviously conscious but taking the opportunity to regain some of her spent stamina. Pryde stands up on the outside. He is checking himself for injuries when a black-gloved hand shoots out from under the ring and grabs his ankle! Pryde looks down in surprise. Suddenly the man attached to the hand creeps out from under the ring—it is one of OCW's most recent signees, Bounty Hunter!~
Hood: What the fuck is Bounty Hunter doing under the ring?!
Smith: Indeed!
Hood: Maybe he lives there... my paychecks barely cover a half-assed coke habit, I can only imagine what a rookie wrestler is making these days.
Smith: Indeed! I prefer Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi, but I totally agree with the sentiment!
Hood: Just one of the many great things about the “new” OCW.
Smith: Indeed!
Hood: Indeed.
Smith: Indeed!
~Bounty Hunter's other arm emerges from under the ring. It is holding a black folder. He hands the folder up to Pryde and slips back under the ring.~
Smith: Wait, that black folder looks familiar... has Bounty Hunter been the one providing Kobra and Syren with information?
Hood: I doubt you need a bounty hunting license to buy a package of black folders... but it would seem to make sense. As an ex-bounty hunter he's probably good at sneaking around and gathering information and shit. And I've heard people saying that he has some sort of history with PerZag.
Smith: Having a resource like Bounty Hunter in their back pocket adds a whole new dimension of possibility to Operation Zero's war on OCW!
~Pryde briefly checks the contents of the folder. A phantom grin appears to take shape underneath his mask. He slides back into the ring. MJ forces herself to her feet and takes a defensive posture. Pryde makes a “T” with his hands as if to call for a time-out.~
Hood: Are there time-outs in wrestling?
Smith: Pretty sure not.
~MJ takes a few wary steps closer to Pryde. Pryde opens the folder and reveals a large, glossy photo of Kenshin Takamura, bruised, bloody, and sitting in a chair with his hands and wrists bound. The chair is sitting in the middle of a runway with the designation “G2” painted on it in big white characters. The photo has a timestamp printed in the corner: 4/21/14 7:13 PM. MJ gasps and grabs the photo.~
Hood: Ha! Ha! Ha! Operation Zero beat the shit out of Kenshin again?! And left him in the middle of a road?
Smith: Unlikely! Kenshin isn't even here tonight... I smell foul play! And I'm pretty sure that's a runway, not a road!
~Pryde reveals the next sheet in the folder, which appears to be a schedule of incoming and outgoing flights that use runway G2. One entry is highlighted in bright pink: an incoming cargo flight scheduled to land at 7:32 P.M.!~
Hood: Wait, what time is it?
Smith: It's 7:29 according to my mobile cellular telephone. But MJ Bell has to realize this is a set-up! Kenshin isn't here!
Hood: Well obviously he is, dumbass. A picture tells a hundred words or whatever. Operation Zero clearly kidnapped Kenshin from the Paisano Cup or whatever and brought him here to get run over by an airplane or whatever! That's so fuckin' awesome!
Smith: Either that, or they got their hands on a copy of Photoshop. Kenshin's injuries in that photo, as well as the chair, the zip ties around his wrists and everything else, look suspiciously exactly the same as the injuries Operation Zero inflicted on him last week...
~MJ Bell hesitates only briefly before rushing out of the ring to make sure Kenshin isn't in danger. Scruff begins to count her out~
...1
...2
...3
~We cut backstage, where we see MJ running up to the nearest airfield employee. She grabs his arm.~
MJ: Where is runway G2?
Employee: Out these doors and go to your right. Fifth runway.
~MJ exits the doors in a hurry. Scott Syren emerges from the shadows briefly and hands the airfield employee a ten-dollar bill. Back in the ring, Scruff continues to count~
...7
...8
~Outside, MJ sprints across two runways, then a third, then a fourth... and then she reaches a razor-wire fence. There is no fifth runway to the right... runway G2 does not exist. A look of anger and understanding crosses her face. Back in the ring, she has long since been counted out...~
Belvedere: Here is your winner... the undefeated OCW Southern Champion... PRYDE!!!!!
Hood: Hahaha! I told you it was all just a trick!
Smith: What an unfortunate end to what could have been a great match. MJ is a bright young lady, but her deep concern for Kenshin Takamura obviously interfered with her better judgement in this case. Operation Zero knew exactly what buttons to push to get her out of this match without risking an injury to their champion before Total Demolition!
Hood: That's because they are better and smarter than her.
Smith: Even if Kenshin had been tied up on a runway, I'm pretty sure they have people checking to make sure the runways are clear before a plane lands on them... there's no way around it, MJ Bell's emotions got the best of her tonight. It's a shame, but it really shows you the kind of caring, compassionate person she is, putting Kenshin's safety before her own career.
~Scruff tries to raise Pryde's arm in victory, but the champion shakes the homeless weirdo off in disdain. He collects his title and walks to the back with no further ceremony. The Bounty Hunter squirms back out from under the ring and follows silently a few steps behind Pryde. Underneath his variety of bounty hunting gadgets, he is wearing a long-sleeved black shirt with a big, dark gray number “0” barely visible on the front.~
Smith: And just like that, it appears Bounty Hunter is officially a member of Operation Zero.
Hood: Well this is truly shocking... who would have ever imagined... a group can add a new member without throwing a party or making a twenty-minute speech?! What is OCW coming to?!
~We cut backstage, where Ana Archia—still dressed in a really bad Not President Dean disguise—is sitting in a chair. A single bright light hangs over her, interrogation style. She appears to be completely unconscious. A roided-up arm reaches up out of the darkness and begins to move her chin up-and-down (giving her the appearance of speaking) while a male voice begins to speak.~
Voice: My name is Not President Dean, and I'm an OCW stooge. There are many more like me. Ian Bishop, Kimjong Yakahama, Brianna Caca-blanket... apparent enemies who are all, in reality, on the same side. You people really think Triple M just “disappeared”? No. He was kicked from the dinner table when he asked for too big a slice of pie. He wanted more than what the rest of the backstage clique had agreed upon giving him... agreements about match results and title runs that had been made months in advance. And so they dealt with him. They dealt with him the same way they made me deal with Zeus. Tonight, Operation Zero showed me that they have the ability to expose us all for what we really are, and so—after much soul-searching—I have decided to come before all of you fans and take accountability... I have decided to admit to my deceptions and failures, rather than wait and have Operation Zero expose me for what I am. I sincerely hope that President Dean, Brianna, Kenshin, and all the remaining pawns in The Family will do the same, before it's too late and Operation Zero is forced to take matters into their own hands. Thank you, and good night.
~The hand working Ana's mouth disappears back into darkness, and we cut back to ringside.~
Hood: It's nice to see Not President Dean taking some responsibility for his part in Dean's web of lies.
Smith: What a ridiculous farce this all is. To beat a talent like Ana Archia into a state of unconsciousness just for the sake of making some half-sane point...
Hood: Yeah, it was nice to see that too.
~The screen flashes from black, to a moment of static, to the image of The Big Bifford standing backstage with his manager Earl the Undead Popcorn Salesman. Bifford stands smiling at the camera~
Bifford: Listen, you inbred hicks from this idiot town in New Mexico, I've got a lot of things to say to you people... from Brianna Casablancas, to Pryde, to Kobra, to Scott Syren, to Amber Ryan, to Ana Archia, Ian the Bishop, Mario Marauko, all the way to the amazing Bounty Hunter - OCW has seen a lot of great talent this run. But, nobody in OCW has come close to my level. United States Champion? Check. Longest-Reigning-World-Champion? Check. Vice-President? Check. President? Big, giant check-mark. I've done it all.... except one thing. I've never fought Silverfreak, the worthless piece of shit chicken who has run from me every time the idea of the match has come up. I've benefited from your hometown hero's cowardly ways, since I became World Champion by winning a tournament that was held after he ran away like a bitch - vacating the title. But you should still be ashamed of having a hometown hero that is a timid little girl of a man.
~Earl makes some loud zombie noises and Bifford shakes his head~
Bifford: So here we are, Silverfreak.. Your hometown... and you're not here. I'm going to go down to the ring, call you out, and you're not going to come out. I'm sure Dangerous Dan, who is probably the worst wrestler to ever step foot in the ring, will probably come out in your stead. He'll accept my challenge and I'll beat him for the 10th time. But,... Silverfreak... ol' buddy, ol' pal... I've got a present for you here. Tonight.
~Bifford moves to the side, bypassing Earl the Undead Popcorn Salesman who tries to take a bite out of him but misses, and walks up to a donkey~
Bifford: See this? See this Donkey? I'm going to take it to the ring and then, here in front of all of your friends and inbred family, I'm going to ride it around the ring. Just like I rode that camel in front of Dangerous Dan's house last week.
~Bifford pets the donkey~
Hood: Uh oh..
Smith: Uh oh is right! OCW has been flooded with complaints about Bifford murdering the camel last week! There are over 25 PETA-fans outside the arena right now with picket signs.
Bifford: This donkey is going to pay the ultimate price because of YOUR cowardice, Silverfreak... Because YOU are a COWARD!
~Bifford smiles and pets the donkey~
Bifford: Oh, by the way, buddy... I named the donkey after you. He's an ass and his name is Silverfreak and I'm going to kill him. Sometimes art imitates reality.
~Bifford smiles and grabs a rope that is attached to the donkey and begins dragging him off-camera. Back in the arena, meanwhile, Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio starts playing and Bifford drags the donkey down the ramp toward the ring. He keeps shouting, "LOOK EVERYONE, IT'S SILVERFREAK!" and laughing at the donkey. The crowd boos Bifford heartily~
Smith: This crowd wants their hero…they want Silverfreak!
Hood: Wait, Silverfreak is from this hell hole?
Smith: Yes! Don’t you remember?
Hood: Obviously not…
Smith: They can feel it in the air…I can feel it in the air…The Freak is back!
~”Freak! Freak! Freak!” chants fill the airplane hangar at the airport in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Biff, fired up by the chant, enters and walks around the ring…he taunts the crowd, laughing at their idiocy for thinking Silverfreak would be man enough to face him. Suddenly, the lights dim…a green light shines out along the entrance way and down to the ring. Little midget druids emerge from behind the curtain carrying torches with green flames. They line the entrance way as the crowd begins to buzz~
Smith: Midgets, Hood! Midgets!
Hood: Is this the group against midget violence showing up in protest of KEG’s treatment in OCW?
Smith: No, Hood! Midgets were always around Silverfreak
Hood: Oh, shit, I really need to go and watch old footage
~The midgets stand perfectly still as everyone in the crowd is stirring, talking to themselves…asking “is it really him? Is he FINALLY back??”….”Chicken Huntin” by ICP hits and the crowd erupts with a thunderous ovation!! A man in a green rope with a hood over his face rises from behind the curtain and walks down to the ring with his head down~
Smith: There he is, Hood! The legendary Silverfreak!
Hood: Biff’s been begging for this year after year and it looks like he finally got his wish
~Biff is leaning forward on the ropes, watching Freak make his way to the ring. Biff takes a few steps back, begging Freak to get into the ring with him. Freak stops at the end of the midget druid line as “Chicken Huntin” by ICP stops, instantly. The lights return to normal and Freak lifts the hood off of his head, revealing himself to be Crazy Chris…Biff is confused, not expecting Crazy Chris. The crowd rises when our view turns and spots Dangerous Dan perched atop one of the corners, waiting for Biff to turn around~
Smith: It’s Dan!! This whole thing was a setup by the Danger Boiz!
Hood: Fucking shit, man…and here I am, relearning all of this Silverfreak crap
Smith: It never hurts to refresh a legend
Hood: Umm, yea it does when it isn’t fucking useful
~Biff sees the fans reaction being diverted to the corner behind him, he turns around and Dan leaps off, dropkicking Biff in the face!!! Biff falls back into the nearest corner…Dan gets to his feet, rushes in and dropkicks Biff into the corner!! Biff staggers out of the corner as Dan hops up onto the top rope with Biff’s back to him…he leaps off and drills Biff into the mat with a top rope bulldog!! Biff flops over onto his back as Dan points to the nearest corner, the fans go crazy! Dan hops up there, looks down on Biff and leaps off with a Swanton Bomb!!! He nails it perfectly and goes for the pin..Chris slides in and starts the count…the crowd counts along~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!
~Biff hurls Dan up into the air…Dan lands on his feet and looks down at Biff, surprised he didn’t get the three. Chris gets to his feet and puts his arm around Dan as Biff tries to sit up, failing miserably. Dan walks over and he kicks Biff in the face!! Biff falls back to the mat as the fans cheer wildly for one of their all time favorites. Dan and Chris then hop out of the ring and head back up the ramp…the little midgets follow them with their green torches~
Smith: Dan got the jump on Biff…however, Biff sent a message to Dan by kicking out of The ENDD!
Hood: I think Biff just burped and Dan flew off of him
Smith: Nope, that was a legit kick out, Hood…Dan has never defeated Biff…he just shocked Biff, hit him with the ENDD and Biff still kicked out…Dan has to wonder if he’s capable of defeating Bifford
Hood: If I were him, I’d wear spikes on my back…really beef up The ENDD
Smith: Dan is no cheater…one thing is for sure, though, Dan has another chance to knock off his nemesis Bifford at Total Demolition…I, for one, hope he can do it…nobody deserves to endure the mockery without any comeuppance that Bifford dishes out.
Hood: Sounds rough
Smith: I can tell you’re really into this hype…let’s go backstage while we figure out what to do with this donkey
~We cut once again into the airport and show Ian Bishop once again standing outside MJ Bell’s room~
Ian Bishop: OKAY! I’ve talked to the fucking Family, I’ve talk to fucking Dean… it’s now time to finally talk to MJ and set things straight.
~Bishop goes to knock on the door but is speared by a hooded figure! Bishop falls hard to the ground as Bishop, visibly pissed off, begins to throw punches onto the attackers back! Bishop struggles free from the hold and kicks the hooded man in the head and gets up but is then ambushed by two more hooded figures~
Smith: Oh dear lord, Bishop is in trouble!
Hood: This always seems to happen… first Maurako with suited men and now hooded figures with Bishop!
Smith: Why does it matter? He’s being attacked!
Hood: Yeah, what am I saying? Get ‘em Bishop! Come help him Family members!
~One of the figures puts Bishop in a full nelson and the third one begins punching Bishop continuously in the face. A crack is heard as Bishop cries out in pain and blood begins to spew from his nostrils. Bishop collapses a bit as one of the hooded figures brings out a knife. This instantly gets Bishop to his feet and head butts the knife wielding person. He takes the other hooded figure and throws him down the hall into TV equipment. Bishop pants for breath and holds his nose as he doesn’t notice the original figure who picks up the knife and stabs Ian in the side of his abdomen~
Smith: Jesus Christ!
Hood: Bishop’s fucked!
Smith: I may not agree with Bishop sometimes but I would never want him stabbed!
~Bishop holds his side and screams as he collapses to the floor as the figure takes his head and begins to beat it up against the floor. All of a sudden a door flies open and MJ Bell appears, still looking frustrated after her loss...her frustration vanishes as she sees what’s going. She screams in fear of Bishop being bloody as the hooded figure runs off and Bishop is on the ground with blood everywhere~
MJ Bell: Oh my god... Ian, please, just... don't be dead...
~She holds her head close to his mouth to check if he is breathing before pulling her phone out of her pocket. However medics and President Dean come running from behind as Dean pulls MJ aside and medics begin to bandage Bishop up and get oxygen on him~
President Dean: MJ! I've got this...you need to get out of here, now!
MJ Bell : Y-yeah. Of course..
~MJ stands up then turns walking down the hall way and out of view. Dean begins conversing with medics as Bishop is strapped onto a stretcher and carried out to the runway where an ambulance is waiting. Bishop is put into the emergency vehicle as the sirens blare into the night and the ambulance speeds away as we cut back to ringside. Dean then looks over at Skyrz, who had been observing, and he orders him to follow MJ and see if she had anything to do with the attack~
Smith: Folks, we have witnessed a devastating and unprovoked attack tonight.
Hood: How do we know it’s unprovoked? It could be the same people that attacked Maurako!
Smith: You have a point--
Hood: It could be Fuller! He did threaten Bishop earlier in the night.
Smith: Let’s not throw out names and start accusing me people before we have the facts.
Hood: Or maybe MJ...that's what Dean thinks...Ian has been a bit rapey as of late and she did show up conveniently soon after the stabbing.
Smith: Hood, she saw the masked man...unless MJ has a clone...
Hood: Yea, well that may have been her friend...the female TLS...you know, TLS with a vag and long...er...hair
Smith: Either way folks, our thoughts are currently with Bishop in hoping he’ll recover quickly.
Hood: He better! The show is going to start getting fucking boring!
Smith: Despite the fact Ian Bishop might be dead…the show has to go on…our epic Tag Team Match is NEXT!

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next match is a Tag Team match scheduled for one fall!
~The crowd rises in anticipation for the bout. ”Oblivion” by M83 featuring – Susanne Sundor begins to play as the fans turn and cheer the rapidly rising fan favorite in OCW, Alice Knight. She makes her way to the ring with a bubbly demeanor. She enters into the ring and kind of skips around for no apparent reason. She rushes the ropes and heads to the middle turnbuckle and waves to the fans as her music fades out.~
Belvedere: Introducing first, a member of Thought 4 Food…she comes to OCW from Bethel, New York…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 125lbs…Alice Knight!!!
~"Good Old Fashioned Nightmare" by Matt and Kim hits the P.A as Brianna Casablancas comes out wearing her robe over her ring gear. Around her waist is the OCW Central Championsip. She has a huge smile on her face as she stops at the top of the walkway and gives a prim and proper wave to the fans. She heads down the walkway and shakes some hands and has a little bit of small talk with her fans in the gymnasium. She stops at the front row before entering the ring. She undoes the belt from her waist and climbs atop the announce desk and holds her title up towards the fans. She also asks how Smith and Hood's days are going while she doe this as she gets a pretty considerable response from the fans. She hops off of the announce desk and climbs up the steel steps. At the apron she drops the robe to the floor revealing her blue-ish ring gear. She enters the ring with the title slung over her shoulder. She makes her way to the turnbuckle and holds her Central Title up again getting a pretty damn good reaction from the fans. She hops off and before playing to the fans again, she stops to say "Good day" to Scruff. After that, she hops to another top turnbuckle again to hold her title up high once more before jumping off it. She then hands her title to scruff.~
Belvedere: And her tag team partner, from Your Happy Place, standing 5’8 and weighing in at 126lbs…she is the OCW Central Champion…the other half of Thought 4 Food…Brianna Casablancas!!!
~As the opening whirl of "Valentine" circulate round the arena, Danny B walks out from the curtain, his beautiful wife hanging from his arm. She detaches, allowing Danny to step forwards and perform his signature devil horns pose. The two lock arms once again and head to the ring. As they reach it, Jednie walks off to the side, and climbs upon the apron, leaning on the ropes, Danny slides in underneath, before catching Jednie as she falls backwards, over the ropes and into his arms~
Belvedere: And their opponents, first, from Brighton, England…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 201 lbs…he is a Co-Tag Team Champion and one half of the Demons of Death…”The Ripper” Danny B!!!
~A signature gong turns out the lights in the arena, another strikes, illuminating a spotlight on the stage, a third resounds, starting the opening crone of Johnny Cash's "God's gonna cut you down'. The Master walks slowly into the spotlight, he stares intently at the ring for a minute, before slowly making his way to ringside, the spotlight following him down. As he reaches the ring, he stops, pulling his right hand across his chest, signalling the steel chairs to move from their position, across the floor, and in front of Anubis. He climbs, pausing at the top to remove his armour and coat. He steps over the ropes, standing still in the ring as the steps move back to their original position. He drops to a knee, bringing his arm into the air, as he pulls it down, the lights in the arena come back on, and a final gong announces the arrival of The Demon of Death. ~
Belvedere: And his tag team partner, from Parts Unknown…standing 7’1 inches tall and weighing in at 315 lbs…he makes up the second half of The Demons of Death…making his OCW debut…Anubis!!!
~All four participants are in the ring as Belvedere exits and sounds the bell. Anubis steps over the top rope and begins the match on the apron. Brianna decides to start the match for her team as the crowd is anxious to see this match get underway~
Smith: Here we go, Hood…this is a match I had circled on tonight’s lineup.
Hood: Oh yea? Was it in red or blue ink?
Smith: Why would that matter?
Hood: Red is extra serious ink
Smith: If you must know, it was green
Hood: Hmm, not sure what to make of that
Smith: Anyway…we get the return of Thought 4 Food…the return of Alice Knight…Brianna back in action with her Central Title…Danny B in action for the first time since his huge win over Kenshin…Danny B who is also one half of the tag team champions annnnnd…the long awaited debut of Anubis.
Hood: Anubis, huh? Reminds me of Anus
Smith: So, all of that awesome stuff going on and that’s all you got from it?
Hood: Sorry bro, but I have a short attention span
Smith: Trust me, we know
~Danny and Brianna quickly lock up in the middle of the ring…the fan support seems to be mostly behind Brianna, however, Danny’s obviously got his fans out there as well. Brianna grabs Danny’s arm and twists it into a standing arm bar. Danny reaches out and places his palm under Brianna’s chin…he uses his size advantage to shove her back into the ropes…he then whips her off the ropes, the momentum forces her to release his arm. Before hitting the opposite ropes, she leaps into the air, lands on the middle rope and jumps off with a reverse cross body…Danny catches her in mid air! He then drops her rib cage across his knee, stands up, still holding her and slams her down to the mat~
Smith: Fast start for Danny B as his hot streak has seemingly carried over into this match.
Hood: Yea, it’s not every day Danny B isn’t the smallest guy in the ring
Smith: Are you calling him small?
Hood: Well, he’s certainly smaller than the old man standing at ringside
Smith: Old man? We have no idea how old Anubis is…but, judging by his looks, he can’t be that old.
Hood: Dude, he’s got white hair…he’s old
~Danny yanks Brianna to her feet and he whips her into the nearest corner. He rushes in with a Stinger splash, squishing Brianna into the turnbuckles. Aggressively, he pulls Brianna out of the corner, hooks her head and neck, lifts her up and holds her vertically in the air for about five seconds. Danny then drops her to the mat with a delayed suplex. Danny quickly pops to his feet and he displays a proud look on his face…some of the crowd cheers while some boos…Danny then looks over at Anubis…the crowd gives a more positive reaction~
Hood: The crowd has turned on Brianna!
Smith: No they have not! They, like us, are just anxious to see Anubis step in between the ropes and compete in an OCW ring.
Hood: Are you sure they haven’t turned on Brianna…
Smith: Positive!
~Danny motions towards Anubis but he holds off as he spots Brianna already back on all fours, trying to get to her feet. Danny runs at her and throws a kick towards her head…Brianna, though, ducks out of the way as Danny goes stumbling towards their corner. He comes face to face with Alice…Alice smiles and waves at him. Danny looks confused…he turns around and Brianna drills him with a dropkick to the face!! Danny falls back into the corner. His head is down, he flips it back to get his hair out of his face…part of his hair lands in Alice’s mouth…she makes a sour face, spitting it out. She hops onto the ring steps to avoid anymore unpleasantness. Brianna rushes in and drills Danny with a forearm to the chin. She climbs onto the second rope and delivers a few strong rights to Danny’s forehead…Danny, though, wraps his arms around her legs and he carries her out of the corner…he goes for an inverted atomic drop, Brianna, though, blocks it, landing on her feet. She then leaps into the air and drills Danny in the head with a stiff kick!! Danny staggers and falls into the ropes, the top half of his body hanging onto the middle rope. Brianna runs in and leaps onto his upper back, pressuring his throat onto the middle rope…Brianna allows the momentum to take her outside where she catches her breath as ringside fans cheer her on~
Smith: A flurry of offense by our Central Champion
Hood: Hey, we’re out west now…enough Central talk
Smith: That belt still counts…or should I inform Carey of your opinion?
Hood: Oh man, I don’t know…she’s pretty scary…I guess as long as Curt Canon is around to kick her in the fucking head you can tell her
~Alice goes to high five Brianna…she just stands there with her hand out…the fans yell at Brianna to turn…Brianna finally does and slaps Alice’s hand. It then triggers in Alice’s mind that she’s been tagged…she enters into the ring, Scruff tries to stop her. Alice ignores her former room/car mate and goes after Danny…she pulls him to his feet by his hair…Brianna slides in and grabs Alice. Brianna explain to Alice what a legal tag actually is…Alice does the “oohhhh…gotcha” face and happily exits the ring. Brianna smirks and turns back to Danny…Danny was waiting…as Brianna turns around, Danny nails her with boot to the face!! Brianna falls to the mat, hard~
Smith: It’s great to have Alice Knight back in the ring, Hood
Hood: What is this girl ON…seriously.
Smith: High on life, I’d assume
Hood: I’ve tried getting high on life cereal, it doesn’t work
Smith: It’s a metaphor…like that wrestler you tried to create a few weeks back
Hood: Please…a moment of silence for the wrestler who was never created…RIP Metaphor
~Danny yanks Brianna to her feet and delivers a back first to her face…this causes Brianna to twirl around, giving Danny her back. Danny secures his arms around her waist. He lifts her up and drills her to the mat with a German Suplex!! Danny holds on for the pin, Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Gonna have to do more than that to pin the…
Hood: Watch it! We’re in the west, remember!
Smith: How could I forget…to pin the…
Hood: EH!
Smith: Lovable Brianna Casablancas
Hood: Ugh, should’ve stuck with Central Champion there, hoss
~Danny gets to his feet and he yanks Brianna to hers…he starts to drag her towards Anubis, obviously wanting to tag the big man in. Brianna, though, notices Danny is paying her little attention…she reaches up and grabs his arm and takes him down, trying to apply a crossface…he goes down inches before he can tag Anubis. Danny fights out of the crossface as Brianna maneuvers and gets her legs up to Danny’s shoulder, looking to apply something. Danny gets on his knees, then to his feet, lifting Brianna in the air…it looks like he’s about to powerbomb her to get her off of him. Brianna can since the impending drop and she repositions her legs around Danny’s head and neck and sends him flying near her corner with a Huricanrana!! Danny’s head hits the ring and his body is sent sliding across the mat, slamming into the bottom turnbuckle. The Brianna portion of the crowd goes wild~
Smith: We were so close for some Anubis Action!
Hood: Whoa! Whoa! Be careful what you say there, pal
Smith: What? Anubis action was about to happen and I for one couldn’t wait to witness it
Hood: Nothing against the Demons of Deadwood or whatever…but if that’s what their all about, Anus Action…I may have to begrudgingly root for Thought 4 Food tonight.
Smith: But Anubis would be in action against Brianna
Hood: Reeealllly…hmm…
Smith: Wait a minute!!
~Brianna observes Danny who is now at a seated position with the back of his head resting against the bottom turnbuckle. Brianna runs in and knees Danny in the face!! She then tags Alice…Alice looks at Brianna and Scruff…Scruff motions for her to come in…Alice hops in through the ropes. Brianna jerks Danny to his feet and shoves him into the corner…she then whips him out of the corner and right into a spinning heel kick from Alice!! Alice goes for the pin as Brianna exits the ring~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Close one there, Alice is dangerous with her feet
Hood: Those are some tough feet, she’s logged a lot of miles walking aimlessly up and down highways
Smith: She normally is able to catch a ride
Hood: Hey, a ride for a ride
Smith: She is not like that!
Hood: I guess you think every woman is a princess
Smith: Well, everyone aside from that Archia creature
Hood: She is terrible
~Alice gets to her feet and waits for Danny to get to his…she starts to jab Danny in the jaw…Danny stands there, taking jab after jab…he gets pissed off and throws a wild right hand at Alice’s head…Alice ducks and stands upright with Danny’s back to her. She reaches up, grabs his head, brings it down and drops him with a Falling Reverse DDT! Alice hops to her feet and fist pumps with excitement…her eyes are closed as she’s so fired up. Her exuberance has carried her into the opposing corner…she stops and opens her eyes and is staring at the midsection of Anubis. She slowly looks up at the gigantic, imposing figure staring back down at her. Alice does the ‘time out’ symbol with her hands as she slowly backs away…Danny is on all fours as he sees her backing up towards him…he quickly snatches her and rolls her up, Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Soooo close…Alice is obviously shaking some ring rust off tonight…definitely forgot where she was at there
Hood: Ring rust…you act like she’s been gone for years
Smith: Well, she hasn’t wrestled since Black Out, Hood
Hood: Ya know, for a bum in need of cash, she sure doesn’t work very hard
Smith: Well, you see
Hood: I know, I know…bums are bums for a reason
Smith: Uhh, no, I was going to say
Hood: Doesn’t matter
~After kicking out, Alice rolls over and quickly gets to her feet, she runs into the ropes, leaps onto the middle rope and leaps off, twisting in the air and locking her legs around Danny’s head. She goes for a huricanrana, but Danny blocks it! Danny heads towards the ropes looking to powerbomb Alice over the top rope and to the floor. Alice, though, delivers some vicious downward elbow strikes into Danny’s head, dazing him. She then delivers her huricanrana sending Danny over the top rope and to the outside~
Smith: Alice Knight fought Danny B off with a vengeance!
Hood: Bummin ain’t easy, man…all kinds of weirdos and creatures and politicians lurking in the darkness…a girls gotta have sharp elbows.
Smith: Politicians?
Hood: The dirtiest of them all
~Alice climbs through the ropes, standing on the apron. Danny has returned to his feet with his back to the ring. He slowly turns around, as he does, Alice leaps off with a crossbody!! Danny catches her in mid air! Alice, though, locks his head under her arm for leverage. Danny charges towards the ring post, looking to slam Alice into it. Alice, though, holds onto Danny’s head and pulls down, drilling him into the steel steps with a DDT! At the same time, the back of her head slams into the ring post!! Both wrestlers are out, on the floor as the fans cheer for either competitor to get up. Scruff begins to count~
Smith: I’m not sure who got the worse of that one
Hood: Scruff, because now he has to count to ten
Smith: While he may not be a rocket scientist, I’m pretty sure the man can count to ten
Hood: Have we EVER seen him count to ten?
Smith: Well, uhm, no
Hood: Things that make you go hmmmm
~Scruff is up to three as Alice crawls on the ground alongside the ring apron. She sits down and holds the back of her head in obvious pain. Danny reaches up with his hand, clutching the cloth on the ring apron…he uses it to get to one knee. We see a red welt on his forehead from where it rammed into the metal steps. A dueling chant for Alice and Danny begins as the crowd seems to be split right down the middle~
Smith: Both competitors seem to be in an extraordinary amount of pain
Hood: I don’t get Alice being in so much pain…I mean, being homeless, doesn’t she sleep on rocks and tire irons and shit? Her head should be really fucking hard
Smith: I’m sure she’s coherent enough to find something soft to rest her head on.
Hood: Maybe a dead cat?
Smith: Ugh, I seriously hope not
~Danny is on his feet, leaning on the apron, looking up at Scruff with one eye. Scruff reaches seven. Brianna yells at Alice to get up, as Alice continues to rub the pain out of the back of her head. Scruff gets to eight and suddenly stops, looking at his fingers~
Hood: I fucking told you!!
Smith: We’ve reached a new low
~We soon realize it isn’t that Scruff can’t count, he just spotted some jelly on his finger. From when and where, who knows…but Scruff is not about to let some jelly go to waste…he suddenly licks his finger free of the jelly. He mouths the word “raspberry” and closes his eyes for a moment of euphoria before resuming his count…he hits 8 as the fans grow anxious~
Smith: Whew, Scruff can count folks…HE CAN COUNT!!
Hood: The hell did that jam come from? You mean he’s been refereeing all night with it on his finger?
Smith: Jam is sticky
Hood: Especially the raspberry jam
~Danny B finally rolls into the ring, but remains lying on the ground as he’s still a little out of it. Alice gets to her feet, rubbing her head still…Scruff hits nine…Brianna yells in her british accent “get in the bloody ring” or something to that effect. Alice nods and slowly rolls in just before Scruff can hit the ten count. The crowd cheers, happy that the match is not going to end on a count out~
Smith: Alright, now maybe we can get back down to business
Hood: What the hell was Brianna saying bloody for? Did she think that was blood on Scruff’s fingers?
Smith: No, Hood, it’s british slang
Hood: British slang? You mean like how they call soccer football?
Smith: No, it’s more like…you know what, nevermind
~Brianna extends her hand for Alice to tag. Alice looks at it and walks towards Brianna, she tags Brianna in. Brianna hops in over the top rope. As she does, Danny B lunges forward and tags in Anubis!! The crowd goes wild as the giant silver haired man steps in over the top rope. Brianna stops in the middle of the ring, staring up at the big man~
Smith: And heeeeere weeeeee go!
Hood: The giant old man is in the ring! Do you think he’s related to Ehud?
Smith: No, I do not think he is related to Ehud
Hood: Their hair looks the same…just curious
~Brianna stops staring and goes right after Anubis…she nails him with lefts and rights followed by several chops…all of which have little effect. Anubis reaches out with both hands, he grabs Brianna’s head and headbutts her down to the mat!! Brianna lands hard, holding her forehead in pain. Anubis walks over, picks Brianna back up and hoists her over his shoulder…he then walks around the ring for a bit before dropping her with a powerslam! The crowd starts to get behind Anubis as he gets to his feet and stands over Brianna…his presence is overwhelming~
Smith: We have never seen Brianna manhandled like this…ever
Hood: This fucking guy…shit
Smith: Indeed
~Anubis pulls Brianna to her feet once again, he whips her into the ropes, Brianna bounces off and Anubis goes for a clothesline…Brianna ducks, hits the ropes again, bounces off…Anubis shows great quickness in turning around and drilling Brianna with a big boot to the face!! Brianna collapses to the ring and looks to be unconscious as it seems we are moments away from Anubis pinning the Central Champion~
Smith: Anubis is in total control…it doesn’t look like Brianna can do anything
Hood: What is it with silver hair and New Mexico
Smith: Nothing outside of some make believe theory running around in your head.
Hood: Every theory is make believe until its proven, dumbshit
~Once again, Anubis yanks Brianna to her feet and hoists her into the air for a Gorilla Press Slam…he tosses her up and, as she falls to the mat, he drills her with a huge European Uppercut!!! Brianna’s body crashes back onto the ring as Anubis goes for the pin, Scruff makes the count as the crowd counts along~
1!
2!
3…
NO! Shoulder UP!
Smith: Whoa!!
Hood: Oh come on…a demon silver haired Egyptian god has GOT To be able to pin her
Smith: Not yet
~Anubis, undaunted, yanks Brianna to her feet and he drags her into his teams corner. He whips her across the ring where she slams into her team’s corner. Alice gives Brianna a friendly pat on the head. Anubis, measures Brianna up while standing in his team’s corner…the overzealous Danny B reaches out and slaps Anubis on the shoulder. He looks back confused as Danny hops up onto the top rope. Brianna stumbles out of her team’s corner and reaches the middle of the ring. Danny leaps off the top rope but is met with The Super EGO kick right to the chin!! Danny B’s body snaps back onto the mat as Brianna falls face first on the mat, the fans cheer like crazy~
Smith: Brianna with the Super EGO kick…that move can come from nowhere!
Hood: Is she even legal…or do head pats not count as tags
Smith: You know what…you’ve got a point
~Scruff looks at Alice, signaling that her head pat was a tag. Alice rushes into the ring as Danny is slow to get to his feet…Alice kicks him in the gut hooks both of his arms and delivers her patented rolling double underhook suplex!!! Danny is laid out as Anubis watches from the apron in frustration…Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings as Belvedere helps Brianna to her feet and raises both girls hands in victory~
Belvedere: Here are your winners…THOUGHT 4 FOOD!!!!!
Smith: Danny B and Anubis had this…but, Danny B wanted to win it…perhaps as a way of proving himself to Anubis, someone he considers a mentor.
Hood: Yea, I get that…but when you’ve got a giant guy who may or may not be an Egyptian god…better to let him do all the heavy lifting.
Smith: Still a great match…a huge win for Brianna and Alice heading into War Games
Hood: This is like watching Joffrey on Game of Thrones…I keep waiting and waiting for those girls to lose and it never freakin happens!
Smith: NO SPOILERS!
Hood: Okay, okay
Smith: On the flip side…a tough loss for Danny B heading into Total Demolition where he will face Scott Syren
Hood: I guess…Danny B still looked good tonight…he has improved so much since he first entered OCW…that match against Syren is going to be badass, if you ask me
Smith: Indeed
~We cut backstage where Dean is seen sitting in his office. Leo the High School Intern is seated across Dean’s desk in a fold out chair. Dean is leaning forward, staring at his cell phone. Leo, seated back, looks anxious to speak but afraid to speak up. He finally does so~
Leo: You didn’t have anything to do with…you know…did you?
Dean: Of course not! Am I an Ian Bishop fan? No way…but I’m not going to shank my main star right out of our Pay Per View main event…that’s bad business
Leo: Hold on, we don’t know that he’s out of War Games…it could just be a small cut…we really should wait and hear what the doctors say before jumping to conclusions
Dean: Yea, I guess you’re right…but that doesn’t answer the absence of Fuller…he’s apparently gona M.I.A. just like Mario…this whole fucking match is falling apart and I literally have no time to put it back together
Leo: Worst case scenario…let’s say War Games is ruined…I’m sure it will be alright…we’ve still got some other great matches…
Dean: Oh, yea, like our LightWeight match? Did you know Carey couldn’t even MAKE it out here this week due to a concussion caused by Canon’s attack last week? Sure, she’s going to make the match on Sunday…but in what shape?
Leo: I didn’t know that…no
Dean: I’m telling you Leo, this entire situation is fucked
~Dean continues to stare at his phone which grabs Leo’s curiosity~
Leo: Angry Birds?
Dean: I wish…no, I’m just staring at this voice mail Buffet left me…too afraid to play it. Heh, look at me…former pro wrestling legend Dean scared to listen to a voice mail.
Leo: Why?
Dean: No doubt he’s angry about what’s been put on air tonight…to be honest, this whole show has been out of control
Leo: Oh…well, I get that you’re anxious to listen to it but ignoring it doesn’t fix anything…may as well bite the bullet…
~Leo isn’t telling Dean anything he doesn’t already know. With a big sigh, Dean hits play and listens to the voice mail on speaker~
Jimmy Buffet: Hey there Deano, it’s your good friend Jimmy! I’m out on the beach jamming to some of my greatest live versions of Margaritaville…probably 3-4 giant margaritas deep…all in all, a great time. Anyway, I hope you’re having as much fun in New Mexico as a person could have in New Mexico. Sorry I haven’t caught the show…or any other show since my last appearance…been busy and stuff. Anyway, I’m just calling to say I’m really excited about Total Demolition…everyone keeps talking about WarGames…I have a feeling that match is going to put us over the top. I doubted this at the start, Dean, I have to be honest…but with this War Games match I keep hearing about…that is going to make it all worth it…great job, Dean. I knew I could put my faith in you and see it rewarded. Oh and by the way, I have some really hot…
~Evidently Mr. Buffet is extremely long winded as his message was cut off before he could finish. Dean slides his phone off the desk roughly and buries his face in his hands~
Dean: I am so fucked Leo…so totally fucked
Leo: Don’t worry, Dean…we’ll think of something
~Leo reaches forward and pats his employer on the shoulder as we cut back to ringside~
Smith: Wow, Hood…that does not look good. I mean, as far as we’re concerned…Ian is injured and Sean is missing but I assumed they’d be ready for War Games
Hood: Don’t get all doom and gloom on me…I think they’re going to make it
Smith: Judging by Dean’s reaction, he’s evidently heard some devastating news that we weren’t privy to.
Hood: Whatever the case may be…Dean’s at his best when he has to come up with shit on the fly…so I have no doubt the match will be great
Smith: I certainly hope so…for OCW’s sake. Well folks, it’s time for our main event as Kobra looks to defend his OCW Internet Title against The Family’s Jason Xavier
Hood: Fucking shit, man, if you’re gonna say Xavier is with the Family, let everyone know Kobra is representing Operation Zero
Smith: Sorry, I forgot
Hood: Yea, you “forgot” right
Smith: Ugh, whatever…street fight main event is next folks…should be a good one!

Kobra © (3-0) vs. Jason Xavier (4-3)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time for the Monday Night Massacre Main Event!! This match is a Street Fight and it is for the OCW Internet Championship!!
~”Lights Out” by Hollywood Undead begins to play as the fans boo when they see the newest…or, second newest, member of the Family, Jason Xavier, quickly make his way to the ring. He slides in under the bottom rope, gets to his feet and bounces around, ready for the match to begin~
Belvedere: Introducing first, the challenger, from Las Vegas, Nevada…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 209lbs…he is a member of The Family…Jason Xavier!!!
~”Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit begins to play as Kobra makes his way to the ring…he gets more cheers than boos as Operation Zero seems to be more appealing than The Family at the moment. Kobra carries the Internet Title to the ring in one hand. He reaches ringside and tosses the title into the ring, under the nearest corner~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Oakland, California, standing 6’6 and weighing in at 280 lbs…he is the OCW Internet Champion and a member of Operation Zero…Kobra!!!
~Belvedere quickly exits and rings the bell. Kobra is on the outside, talking trash with a nearby fan. Xavier, standing in the ring, observes what is going on~
Smith: Kobra seems more interested in the fans outside of the ring than his opponent inside of it.
Hood: Well, yea, he’s already defeated Jason Xavier…but I don’t think he’s defeated that fan he’s yelling at
Smith: Of course he hasn’t, that’s a New Mexican resident
Hood: Kobra’s always about conquering challenges he’s never faced before
~Suddenly, Xavier leaps over the top rope with a suicide dive onto Kobra! Kobra had just turned around and was not expecting this aggressive maneuver from Xavier…Xavier lands on top of Kobra, sending him crashing to the hard gym floor on the outside! The fans react with cheers at the eagerness of Xavier to gain an early advantage in this match~
Smith: Jason Xavier not wasting any time!
Hood: Yea, well he’s in the Family now so dude’s got to represent
Smith: About all of that…what is your opinion of B-Minus?
Hood: I hear he is in Tombstone already, shooting up with roids while the family attempts to mutate him with a giant crocodile.
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Small window for massive improvement, Smith…desperate times and all that shit
~Xavier gets to his feet and he pulls Kobra to his…Xavier nails Kobra with a couple of well placed punches as Kobra staggers back down the aisle way. Xavier follows him and kicks him in the thigh and the back of the knee, keeping Kobra off balance. Kobra reaches the metal ramp which leads to the curtain. Scruff exits the ring and rushes up there, suddenly realizing it’s a Street Fight. Scruff is pretty incompetent. Kobra is standing on the metal ramp, as is Xavier. Xavier knees Kobra in the gut and hooks him for a piledriver…Kobra blocks it, though, and he stands up and back body drops Xavier over his head and onto the metal ramp!! Xavier lands hard, arching his back in pain~
Smith: Nice reversal there by Kobra to completely take over the momentum
Hood: No shit, why is Xavier trying to pick Kobra up, the fuck is wrong with that guy
Smith: Well, I mean a piledriver may have won him the match, especially on the steel
Hood: Yea, well, maybe…but I still don’t get these little guys always trying to pick up the bigger guys…someone needs to sit them down and have a heart to heart explaining that he’s little…embrace it, small man
~Kobra yanks Xavier to his feet and he drags him to the curtain…he rams Xavier’s head into the steel beams which hold the OCW entrance up. Xavier’s head hits hard…Kobra then hurls Xavier through the curtain, quickly following him. Our cameras along with Scruff rush back there. We see Kobra dragging Xavier away from the gorilla position where Skytz is busy copping a feel on a girls chest. Kobra takes Xavier and slams his face in the girls chest! He falls down, holding his head in pain as the girl runs away in horror. Skytz is angry, having lost a potential client~
Smith: I guess anything is a weapon in these types of matches
Hood: That chicks chest was rock fucking hard man, Xavier may be out
Smith: Oh come on…no breasts are THAT hard
Hood: Haha, that’s what being a faithfully married man will do to you…you naïve fool.
~Kobra yanks Xavier back to his feet and drags him through the backstage set up until they reach the hanger area that has remain untouched by the OCW crew. Kobra drags him near the exit of the hanger and he whips Xavier right into the metal siding!! Xavier does kind of a front flip with the back of his neck and shoulders slamming into the metal which results in a loud noise. Kobra walks over and starts to stomp on Xavier~
Smith: Okay, so Kobra is apparently going to take every advantage a street fight offers
Hood: Why the fuck not? Plus, Xavier jumped on Kobra before he could enter the ring…man, don’t play with the Nazi if you don’t want to get judged with prejudice.
Smith: Huh? Nazis?
Hood: Yea, man, Nazis…they should not be toyed with
~Kobra yanks Xavier to his feet and goes to ram him into the side again…Xavier, though, had picked up a can of WD-40 from the ground without Kobra knowing. He smashes Kobra in the head with it and then rushes over to the airplane hanger door. He tries to open it, but finds it to be stuck~
Smith: Thank goodness, we don’t need them going out there
Hood: WD-40…use it!!
~Xavier, almost as if he heard Hood, looks at the can in his hand and sprays a large amount on the door…he then tries the handle and is able to slide the door open easily. A gust of wind hits him as Xavier looks out and sees a plane taking off in the distance. He then reaches for Kobra, picks him up and drags him out onto the runway. Scruff rushes out there along with our camera gut. Xavier delivers a vicious roundhouse kick to the side of Kobra’s head. Kobra staggers back and turns around…Xavier goes for a roll up, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Kick Out on the concrete and, well, this is not where anyone wants to be
Hood: Man, WD-40 is some good shit…wrestlers who haven’t wrestled in a while should probably bathe in it.
Smith: Why? Isn’t that stuff, you know, toxic?
Hood: Ring rust, man, it’d help alleviate all of that…or, well, some of it
Smith: Don’t think it works that way
~Scruff looks down at a bloody palm as he made a count on the concrete with little sharp rocks and a few glass shards. He licks it, hoping it might be ketchup…but, nope, all the random condiments stuck to his fingers were removed with the jelly earlier. Meanwhile, Xavier is back on his feet and waits for Kobra to get to his knees. Kobra does and Xavier goes for a shining wizard…Kobra, however, grabs Xavier’s kick attempt, stands up with Xavier’s legs under his arms and does and airplane spin~
Hood: Fuck yes! Airplane Spin on an airfield! Kobra is the shit!
Smith: I can certainly say I never expected to see this
~Kobra lets go and Xavier goes flying towards the center of the strip where Planes emerge before taking off. Kobra walks over to Xavier…as he does, we see a plane exiting a hanger, heading towards them in the background. Kobra lifts Xavier up, we see red streaks on his back…a few of them producing droplets of blood from his skin scraping against the concrete. Kobra lifts Xavier up on his shoulders, as if he’s going for a DVD. Xavier elbows Kobra in the side of the head and slides down Kobra’s back. He hooks Kobra around the waist, lifts him up and drops him with a German Suplex on the runway concrete!! He holds on as Scruff runs over and counts by stomping his foot~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: Sooo close…and, for a little guy, impressive move by Xavier, don’t you think?
Hood: Eh, I guess…but how about Scruff doing the Stomp!
Smith: Improvising, guy doesn’t want to ruin his palm
Hood: Definitely not, be like losing a Girlfriend for Scruff
Smith: Gross!
~The plane begins to approach as Xavier is quickly back on his feet waiting for Kobra to get to his knees yet again~
Hood: Guy really wants to hit this Shining Wizard
Smith: It is a vicious move
~Xavier goes for his kick to the side of Kobra’s head…Kobra goes to dodge it, but Xavier pulls his kick back, smiles at Kobra and then uses his other leg to knee Kobra in the face!! Xavier then looks up and sees the plane approaching them, it is about twenty feet away. He yanks Kobra to his feet and drags him towards the oncoming plane~
Smith: Oh dear heavens…he’s not going to come near that plane is he
Hood: I think so, Jason Xavier is a total badass
Smith: Does he not realize how dangerous this is? It’s a freakin plane!!
Hood: To beat the Kobra, you must behead the Kobra…where’s the propeller
Smith: It’s 2014…these planes don’t have propellers
Hood: Life just sucks now, doesn’t it?
~Xavier reaches the plane as it starts to come to a stop. Xavier throws Kobra down and places his head in front of the front wheel as it moves towards Kobra’s head…apparently, if it hits Kobra’s head, it will crush it. Kobra wigs out and punches Xavier in the dick! Xavier doubles over in pain…the wheel rolls over his foot…he screams~
Smith: There goes Xavier’s foot…I hope he wasn’t a foot model
Hood: Or one of those really weird actors in those foot fetish videos…man, those fucking creep me out
Smith: Considering what doesn’t creep you out, that surprises me
Hood: Yea man, but feet…I don’t know…feet shouldn’t be human, they are like these creatures stuck to our bodies we spend our whole lives trying to hide.
Smith: Indeed
~Xavier turns and limps over to Kobra as the plane has finally come to a stop. The exit door opens as a ramp way shoots out. Xavier reaches Kobra and gets a punch to the face for his efforts. Kobra is pissed that Xavier tried to murder him on live television. Kobra takes Xavier to the front of the ramp and clotheslines him! Xavier falls onto the ramp and begins to backward crawl up it to get away from Kobra. Kobra follows him up the ramp~
Smith: And now they are boarding the plane…this match could seriously end in another state.
Hood: Shit, maybe I should rush out there and catch some free air miles
Smith: You are staying right here!
Hood: Ugh
~Xavier enters into the plane with Kobra following…our camera man tries to board, along with Scruff, but some medics rush to the ramp with Richard on a stretcher. They begin to argue as Scruff informs them that a match is taking place on board. The medics look agitated~
Smith: Hood, this is an emergency flight for Richard to receive medical attention!
Hood: Rodeo Clown is a tough sport
Smith: Yea, but now Xavier and Kobra are on the plane…this is delaying his transport
Hood: Ah, he’s Richard, he’ll be fine…and, if he isn’t fine…well, it’s Richard
~The medics finally step aside allowing Scruff and the camera man to enter into the plane if it means they can take off quicker. We now see inside as Kobra is slamming Xavier’s head into a tray table behind a seat. The table finally breaks off as Kobra drills Xavier with a lariat! Xavier staggers to the back of the plane, near the bathroom. Kobra rushes at Xavier, but he lifts his foot up, kicking Kobra in the face!! Kobra falls down in the aisle, the plane shakes from the impact. The bathroom door, which read occupy, opens as someone checks to see what happened…Xavier rips the door open and tries to hide from Kobra…but he stops in his tracks when he sees something shocking~
Smith: What is IN that Bathroom??
Hood: I don’t know, Cher?
Smith: Cher?
Hood: Well, he looked like he saw a scary ghost
Smith: I happen to like Cher!
Hood: No surprise there
~Xavier runs away from the bathroom and leaps in the air, double stomping Kobra as he’s still on the ground before running past him. Kobra reaches up and grabs Xavier’s leg, tripping him. Xavier falls and slams his face into the unforgiving aisle way floor. The bathroom door opens again as several of the ‘Silverfreak’ midgets emerge wearing nothing but towels. Kobra sits up and sees them…he looks disturbed. Xavier, on his stomach, looks back and shakes his head~
Smith: Those midgets are still here?
Hood: Yea, they aren’t like magic and shit…not like they can just disappear…they aren’t leprechauns, Smith
Smith: Well, I never thought that…I just
Hood: Looks to me like they are trying to feel really tall by joining the mile high club
Smith: Ugh
Hood: Too bad the fucking plane is still on the ground…fucking midgets, always coming up short
~The midgets seem angry and they begin to yell gibberish at Kobra and Xavier. Suddenly, another body emerges from the bathroom…it’s The Siren! She’s totally naked aside from a towel covering the only parts of her body that are useful. Her face is still badly beaten…the midgets turn and beg her not to leave. However, she sees the camera and is mortified…she rushes off the plane, slides down the ramp…her crotch comes into view and is immediately blurred out as the towel rides up…there’s a second camera man down there, by the way. She runs off~
Smith: Wow
Hood: See what happens when a blonde loses her looks? She has to fuck midgets
Smith: This is why I never leave the announce table…too much weirdness going on behind the scenes in OCW
Hood: This is absolutely the most boring spot in OCW…right here, next to you
~The midgets grow ANGRY that they lost the opportunity to destroy the private area of a super mega hot girl…when her face isn’t all bruised, puffy and messed up. They go after Kobra and Xavier, attacking them with the fury of a thousand angry groundhogs. Kobra and Xavier fight them off…their towels come off, releasing their midget manhood. There’s like eight of them~
Smith: You know, I’d say this is par for the course for an event being held in Silverfreak’s hometown.
Hood: Dude, that is a ton of midget dicks swinging around…and you know those things are at least semi-erect
Smith: I’m trying not to think about that
Hood: I wonder if any of them actually scored with her in there…dude, five fucking people in that tiny bathroom.
Smith: There are eight midgets, Hood
Hood: Yea, each midget is half a person…so five fucking people…fucking…fuck man
~We cut to camera two due to all the midget dicks that are flying around in the small plane. Suddenly, four midgets are hurled out of the airplane door…they scream midget screams before slamming into the pavement. Then, four more go flying out the door, they too land hard on the pavement. A pile of eight naked male midgets are now seen lying on top of each other, moaning in pain~
Smith: There’s something you don’t see everyday
Hood: I wonder if any of them are accidentally having gay sex
Smith: I hope not
Hood: Would that be considered accidental rape?
Smith: Accidental rape…are you kidding me?
Hood: Hey man, it happens
~We cut back inside as Kobra and Xavier are on their feet trading blows. The pilot emerges from the cockpit, yelling at them as they brawl in the aisle way~
Captain: You guys need to get off of here NOW! We have a horribly injured Rodeo Clown that is in desperate need of medical attention. Get off…mah…plane!!!
~Kobra knees Xavier in the gut, lifts him up in a gorilla press slam position and throws him at the captain! Xavier lands on the captain, taking him out. Kobra then walks over and yanks Xavier up, dragging him to the door…he looks ready to toss him out of the plane~
Smith: That was a very angry captain
Hood: Of course he’s angry, he’s got to chauffeur Richard around
Smith: I don’t think he knows Richard by name…only as ‘Rodeo Clown’
Hood: First day on the job and now this…Richard, man, you are awesome
~Kobra goes to toss Xavier out, but Xavier thumbs Kobra in the eye!! Xavier then hip tosses Kobra out of the plane!! Kobra falls all the way off the plane, landing on top of the midgets before rolling off of them and onto the concrete…he lays there, wincing in pain. Xavier is losing his balance at the edge of the door and, rather than taking the slide like a normal person, he jumps off and grabs onto the wing!! He’s hanging from the wing, facing the front of the plane. The camera man and Scruff quickly exit the plane down the ramp and then the medical team rush Richard up the ramp and into the plane. The ramp pulls up and the door shuts~
Smith: Uh oh, this plane appears ready for take off
Hood: Yea and Xavier’s hanging from a fucking wing…if he drops now, he may break a leg
Smith: Indeed…but what about the pilot?
Hood: I’m sure there’s another up there…usually two pilots, Smith…the pilot that gets drunk before the flight and the pilot that flies the plane
Smith: Ahh, okay
~The plane begins to take off with Xavier hanging from the wing. He starts to freak out as he’s in an extremely precarious position. Kobra is now on his feet, looking up and towards Xavier. The plane begins to pick up speed…the strip for takeoff is straight ahead. Xavier begins to weigh his options…he looks down at Kobra, who is laughing…he then lets go! He falls down towards Kobra…Xavier lays out and lands on Kobra, crushing him into the concrete with a crossbody!! The plane drives off and hits the takeoff strip. Meanwhile, Xavier is on top of Kobra as Scruff stomps the ground for the pin~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!
Hood: The dreaded fall from the wing of a moving plane didn’t work tonight for Jason Xavier
Smith: Can’t believe that’s an actual move now
Hood: Yea, tough fall…but it beats certain death
Smith: Indeed
~Xavier gets to his feet first, a bit wobbly in the knees, but otherwise okay. Kobra sits up, slowly, holding his back in pain. Xavier runs off, behind Midget Hill on the Runway. He hops on top of the midgets and then leaps off for a missile drop kick on Kobra. Kobra is at his feet and he catches Xavier in midair!! He has Xavier on his shoulders and he starts to run…in the middle of his sprint he drops Xavier into the concrete runway with a running Death Valley Driver!! Xavier’s head crushes into the cement, leaving a big, round blood spot from impact. Kobra covers Xavier for the pin, Scruff stomps the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~Somewhere a bell rings and an angel gets their wings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…and STILL THE OCW INTERNET CHAMPION…KOBRA!!!!!
Smith: Wow! After a unique match…Kobra retains!
Hood: And another blow to the Family…Xavier did not need to lose that match heading into War Games
Smith: Indeed
~Kobra has made his way backstage and is heading towards the ring to retrieve his belt. He walks through the curtain and down the ramp…we see Syren, Bounty Hunter, PerZag and Pryde all emerge from behind the curtain, following their stablemate. Kobra grabs his title, situated in the corner of the ring, slides in and holds it up in the air to a chorus of boos. The rest of Operation Zero join him in the ring, congratulating him~
Smith: I have to say, Hood…that is a strong looking group
Hood: Yea, maybe they should be in War Games
Smith: Hindsight is 20/20 my friend
~Operation Zero looks just about ready to leave when, suddenly, the lights go out~
Hood: Oh fuck, not this shit again
~They come back on and Kenshin Takamura is in the middle of the ring holding a kendo stick. The members of Operation Zero seem a bit confused, after having the lights shut off on them and then back on that quickly. Kenshin begins to swing wildly with his kendo stick!! He nails PerZag and then The Bounty Hunter, sending them through the ropes and to the outside~
Smith: Kenshin is here! He’s in New Mexico!
Hood: That lying mother fucker
~Kenshin drills Kobra in the gut and then uses the Kendo Stick to clothesline him over the top and to the outside. Kenshin looks at Syren as Syren yells at Kenshin to distract him…Pryde sneaks up on Kenshin. Kenshin goes to swing at Syren, but Syren slides out of the ring. Pryde then nails Kenshin with a kick to the back! Kenshin stumbles forward for a moment before standing straight up and turning to face Pryde…the crowd goes wild~
Smith: Kenshin is so angry and fired up that Pryde’s kick had no effect!
Hood: Oh shit…they’ve gone and pissed off the wrong asian
~Kenshin takes a swing and nails Pryde in the head with the kendo stick!! Pryde falls to the mat and Kenshin begins to whip Pryde with the stick as the crowd cheers “Kenshin! Kenshin!”…Pryde is able to squirm his way near the ropes where PerZag and Bounty Hunter grab and yank him out of the ring, away from Kenshin. Kenshin swings his stick wildly over the top rope as Operation Zero huddles~
Smith: What’s going to happen here, folks
Hood: I don’t know…but Kenshin has a deadly weapon…it’s not fair
Smith: Kendo sticks hurt…but deadly? C’mon
~Operation Zero breaks their huddle as Syren flicks Kenshin off. They make their way up the ramp…after making it halfway, we see Dean emerge with a mic in his hand~
Dean: Who out here wants to see Kenshin get his revenge?
~The crowd cheers wildly~
Dean: Well, great news, folks…you’ll get the opportunity to watch just that…NEXT Sunday at Total Demolition as Pryde and Kenshin Takamura will compete for the Southern Title in an Ultimate X match…no shenanigans…no interference…one on one…if Operation Zero interferes, Pryde will be disqualified and Kenshin Takamura will be awarded the Southern Title
~The crowd kind of boos Dean’s heelish way of pulling the bait and switch. Dean seems confused, mouthing “Blame the family” for him not giving this great match away for free. Kenshin is left standing in the ring, looking at Pryde who is standing in front of Operation Zero, looking back at the ring. Pryde slowly holds his Southern Title high up in the air~
Smith: Ladies and Gentlemen…Total Demolition is only SIX days away…live from Tombstone Arizona…despite how things may look in some aspects…I can guarantee you that this is an event you will NOT want to miss
Hood: Fuck yea, I know I’ll be there
Smith: Of course you will…so, folks be sure to tune in…see you on Sunday!!
~We cut to an advertisement for Total Demolition~
~The video comes to an end as we fade to black~
Credits
MJ: Second TD Video
Alice: First TD Video
Here's the review form
OOC: Alright guys…another MNM in the books…hope you enjoyed it…had some fun with this one…with Total Demolition coming up, figured it’d be a nice change of pace. Anyway, hope you guys are looking forward to the PPV on Sunday…we are going to do the live feed just like we did for Resurrection, so that will be cool…
Syren: MJ/Pryde/Archia Match & opening video for Operation Zero
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