OCW Presents: Monday Night Massacre
Live! April 14th, 2014
From the Idaho State University Gymnasium in Pocatello, Idaho
~For the third straight week, Massacre starts with a cold-open. We see Scott Syren and Kobra climbing around amongst some steel beams, in some sort of crawl space or attic. As we move out slightly, we can see that they are in the rafters of the gym. Syren lugs a backpack with some tools sticking out of it. Kobra also has a small toolbag slung around his neck, and he's dragging a length of hose along in one hand.~
Syren: God damn, this is awesome. I'm so glad I finally have a dirty hillbilly friend. You people are so awesome at shit like this.
Kobra: Uh... thanks. About my title shot next week, I want you to know--
~Syren holds up a hand to interrupt Kobra.~
Syren: Task at hand, my friend. We'll discuss the Internet Title at the appropriate time... like when there's absolutely nothing else to talk about.
Kobra: Right. Okay, here is the fitting... we patch in our line here, everything is diverted.
Syren: Perfect. Do it.
~Kobra gets to work finding the correct tools for the job. Syren begins digging through his backpack, he pulls out something shiny and hands it to Kobra.~
Syren: Here.
Kobra: What is... this is the OCW Internet Title.
Syren: Yeah.
Kobra: I was told you burned this belt... unified it into your claim to the Heavyweight Championship?
Syren: Yeah... but I had somebody make a new one last week.
Kobra: Oh... because you felt like a dick about destroying the title?
Syren: No! I had them make a new one so I could give it to you! It's exactly the same as the original... except all the silver parts are chromed plastic now, but yeah, I hereby officially un-unify my titles and bestow this one upon thee. Who's the dick now?
Kobra: Wait, give it to me?
Syren: Yeah, you earned it doing the whole Battle Royal thing. That's how Kenji Yamahama and I both won it, by going through a Battle Royal. Good stuff. So you may as well just take it now, and go fight Jason Ten or whoever the fuck that guy was that blasted you like a total dick last week.
Kobra: Jason Ten? Jason X you mean? Jason Xavier?
Syren: Jason Ten, Jason X, Professor Xavier—whichever one of them you want to fight, I don't give a shit. Operation Zero will have your back either way.
Kobra: I don't know, Scott. I don't feel right about just taking a title. We're both professionals... we can have a match against one another without destroying Operation Zero.
Syren: Please just take it. I really don't want it. And it's not like you didn't earn it... that Battle Royal was pretty legit, dudeman.
Kobra: Yeah... all right. Thanks... I guess.
Syren: No problem, champ. Oh, one thing... watch out for that Kenny Yakamama dude, he's all hung up on that belt for some reason.
Kobra: Noted.
~Kobra straps the Internet Championship Belt around his waist, then continues to work, disassembling the sprinkler fitting and re-connecting it to the hose he has been dragging through the rafters. As he works, he talks.~
Kobra: Damn. This seems like a lot of work for... well, for what the end result is gonna be.
Syren: What's that supposed to mean?
Kobra: Nothing. Only... what's the point? What does this really change?
~Scott Syren chuckles softly.~
Syren: Everything.
~We cut back to our live feed as Massacre is officially underway! The camera pans through the raucous Idaho crowd as “Comin in Hot” by Hollywood Undead echoes throughout the arena. We settle in on the announce team of Smith and Hood as the Massacre theme comes to a close~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to another edition of Monday Night Massacre LIVE from Pocatello, Idaho! And, well…once again, Hood, we are preceded by a strange and somewhat ominous Operation Zero clip.
Hood: Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that
Smith: Are you sure, because it looked to me like they were messing with the overhead sprinkler system
Hood: What do you mean LOOKED like? They fucking said that’s what they were doing
Smith: Okay, so you agree
Hood: No, they weren’t ‘messing’ with it…I spoke with the head, umm, maintenance guy here at Wyoming State
Smith: Idaho state
Hood: Same fucking thing…and he said there was water leaking out of those pipes earlier today and it could have caused an injury during a wrestling match…so…it had to be fixed.
Smith: And why didn’t he fix it?
Hood: He’s obviously afraid of water
Smith: What?
Hood: Hey, don’t ask me…I’m just repeating what he told me. So, they had to find a handy man on such short notice and, thankfully, Kobra was on hand…guy knows how to use a wrench and all…so, naturally, he went up there with Syren because they are helpful guys like that.
Smith: Why couldn’t Kobra do it by himself…why was Syren up there?
Hood: Because Syren can do everything
Smith: Whatever…I’m not buying this…what was the maintenance guy’s name?
Hood: Albert
Smith: Albert what?
Hood: You watch much baseball?
Smith: I was a pretty big Yankees fan back in the day…haven’t watched an actual game in a few years though…been kinda busy…which reminds me, how’s that rookie Derek Jeter doing…last time I watched they were saying he might be something special…is he doing okay?
Hood: Wow, Smith, you really know your shit. I’m no scout or anything…but with the well trained eye for talent I have…I’d say with a bit of practice, the kid just might be a candidate for the Hall of Fame. No promises, though
Smith: Really? How exciting! I may have to tune in and catch a game this year
Hood: Better hurry
Smith: Why should I hurry?
Hood: Because, umm, you know, that Jeter kid could get injured or something…you know how sports goes, heh. But, anyway…back to business, the last name of the maintenance guy was Pujols.
Smith: Albert Pujols
Hood: Yes, Albert Pujols
Smith: Hmm, seems legit to me
Hood: Totally legit…good guy too, prefers Missouri to California, but, hey, we can’t all be winners.
Smith: You know what, Hood…can I just say how wonderful it is to see you being a professional tonight…I think you’re turning over a new leaf. And, as far as Scott Syren goes, it appears as though he may be finally maturing…remind me to thank him after the show for lending a helping hand
Hood: Oh, trust me, I won’t have to remind you to find him after the show
Smith: Indeed! Well, folks…
~“The Godfather Theme” by Burning Point begins as the crowd begins to boo the roof off the building as the heavy part of the song kicks in and Roach, Sean Fuller and “The Incredible” Ian Bishop slowly walk out from the back to the ring. They all have looks of concern on their face as a “Family Sucks” chant echoes loudly throughout the gymnasium. The three of them ignore the fans for once as they slide into the ring and position themselves in the center of the ring so from right to left its Fuller, Bishop in the middle and Roach on his other side. The music dies down as another chant begins: “Where is Mario?” Bishop brings the mic to his lips to speak but puts the mic down for a moment to collect his thoughts about speaking. He buries his face into one palm and shakes his head before going to speak~
Smith: Hood...this seems odd...The Family is gathered without their leader...
Hood: Yea and Bishop looks fucking depressed or something...did the HBO Go stream die on him during Game of Thrones?
Smith: I think it has more to do with Mario being tossed in that trunk last week...
Ian Bishop: Ladies and gentlemen of Pocatello, Idaho, it is with great sadness and regret that I must inform you all… Mario Maurako is gone and will not be returning to the Family or OCW.
~The crowd explodes in cheers and a “Nah nah, hey hey, goodbye” chants erupts from them. This infuriates the rest of the family as Bishop tells them were to stick it but the crowd chants it even louder~
~Ian shakes his head in anger and lifts the mic to his lips...as he does, the famous chords of "Voodoo Child" by Jimi Hendrix echo throughout the arena. Ian drops the mic to his side with a look of disdain. President Dean emerges from behind the curtain to a huge ovation. Despite his best efforts, Dean is unable to hide the smug look which has crawled across face. Dean holds his arms up to quiet down the crowd...his music comes to a stop and he begins to speak~
Dean: Well, well, well...what do you know...the Family's fearless leader...Don Maurako has up and vanished from OCW. The faction who was going to put OCW out of business and run ME out of professional wrestling for good has...failed.
Dean: Ya know, sucka...if I had a dime for every time someone in MY federation tried to run me out of business and failed, well, I'd have a shit load of dimes…you dumb son of a bitch
~Dean places the mic back to his side and winks at Ian. The fans chant "Dean! Dean! Dean!" as Roach and Fuller converse with Ian. Ian lifts the mic halfway up, expecting Dean to cut him off. Dean nods towards Ian, telling him to go ahead and get whatever it is he has to say off his chest~
Ian Bishop: Maybe Dean, but you'd still be the poor motherfucker who can't pay his own staff and rely on some hippie has been from the 80's
~The crowd boos Ian and his obvious disrespect for OCW's President. Dean takes no visible offense to Ian's comment as he seems to be in a great mood in light of the recent developments within the Family~
Dean: Hey, that's your opinion and we're all entitled to our own opinion. But what I'm interested in here is fact...FACT, Mr. Bishop. Fact is The Family is done with, over, finished. You have no leader, you are down to only three people...you guys aren't a family...you're more like a dysfunctional group of fuck ups. So, it's with great pleasure that I officially announce that the era of 'The Family'...it's over, sucka. Capiche?
Ian Bishop: Wait... did you say dysfunctional? President Dean, you should get a career in comedy cause you are way better at telling half-assed jokes then running a wrestling company! Mario was abducted, yes, and we have no idea what happened to him. We've attempted to contact him by every means and I have used all of the Family resources but he is gone. That doesn't mean though we are dysfunctional. If I remember correctly, it was Team Brianna who got their asses beat down to them at the end of Massacre last week while their team mate sat in the back and watched them get destroyed... FACT!
~Bishop stops for a moment as the crowd boos the truth of his words~
Ian Bishop: And as far as your other comment goes... what did you say; "The era of The Family is over, sucka?" If it is one thing you will learn tonight Dean, that is that the Family always has a plan and we are always ready for anything. Yes, Mario going was unexpected but tonight... a new don shall arrive.
~Dean chuckles before responding~
Dean: I thought we were delivering facts here, sucka? That all sounds like fiction to me...some delusional fairy tale induced by a bad batch of whatever the fuck it is Roach had you guys smoke back stage. FACT...War Games is off, sucka. I will not have half my roster booked at a Pay Per View in a glorified handicap match. The sooner you learn to accept what is fact and release what is fiction, the quicker we can all move on with our lives.
~Dean begins to leave the area as the crowd cheers for Dean's cancellation of the match but Bishop cuts him off~
Ian Bishop: Where the fuck do you think you're going? Did I say I was finish, SUCKA? Don't you want to hear the rest I got to say your stupid black ass?
~Dean stops at the curtain with his back to Ian, he lifts the mic to his mouth and speaks without turning to face the depleted Family~
Dean: Honestly? No.
Ian Bishop: Then you're not as stupid as I thought. Yes, you may look into this ring and see only three men but those three men are still "Mr. Hardcore" Roach, "The Monster" Sean Fuller and "The Incredible" Ian Bishop! The three of us still have what it takes to walk into Arizona and defeat that team of slumber party females at War Games but if you think we'd let ourselves have all the fun... you're dead wrong. Tonight, before this show is done, we have TWO NEW MEMBERS of the Family. One of them will be wrestling side by side with Roach and the fifth will reveal himself by night's end and the Family will then be stronger than ever!
~This grabs Dean's attention as he turns around and faces the ring. Ian nods, satisfied that his statement made the desired impact. Dean pauses and looks out to the crowd...they chant "NO!" urging him to refuse The Family, effectively putting an end to their reign of terror. Dean then takes stock of the setup for tonight's event...he sees several posters advertising War Games...he sees fans wearing War Games t-shirts...the mass amount of money being dumped into the promotion for War Games is evident. Dean thinks back on his interaction with Jimmy Buffet the week before...he considers the Gavin Reed situation he has to deal with...he wonders if he really needs more on his plate at this point in time...the crowd goes quiet, they are observing a change in Dean's body language. Dean lets out a deep sigh, lowers his head and then speaks, slowly lifting his head~
Dean: Five members by the end of tonight?
Ian Bishop: That's right. Capiche?
~Dean starts to react out of anger...however, he's no longer the young, rash man he once was. He pauses, composes himself and responds~
Dean: Fine, five by the end of tonight. If The Family isn't five strong before Massacre comes to an end...War Games is off and you suckas will be enjoying Total Demolition from the stands.
~The crowd reacts with a mixed bag as the Family smiles and begin to shake hands. Bishop turns back to Dean with a very wide grin~
Ian Bishop: Trust me Dean, War Games isn't going anywhere and quite frankly by the end of the night... you'll be looking at the winning team... THE FAMILY!
~Dean looks at Ian, nodding his head...he mouths "We'll see, sucka" before turning around and exiting through the curtain~
Smith: Wow, War Games may be off…
Hood: Dean is laying the hammer down on Ian and The Family…Maurako may be the only thing that can save the match we’ve been hyping for nearly a month now
Smith: Indeed and, well, he’s in someone’s trunk
Hood: I hope it’s a big trunk, Mario has lots of muscles
Smith: Yes, he does
~We cut to a taped video from a few days ago…into a pitch black scene, a few seconds later a green flashing lights can be seen from a small rectangle object, and a buzzing sound. A shadow can be seen being waves over the neon green light, it gets picked up and it seems to be an Iphone 5, the lamp light next to it gets switched on and even more light can be seen, we see that it is Jason X just answering his cell-phone~
Jason X: Hey man, how's it going?
~Voice on the other line speaking~
Jason X: Yeah I can't wait until Monday Night Massacre, I can't wait to announce it.
~Voice on the other line~
Jason X: So I'll speak to you Monday, see you then.
~Jason X turns the iphone 5 off and goes back to sleep. The video feed ends and we cut back to ringside~
Smith: Nice to see Jason Xavier getting involved
Hood: Jason X, Smith…X…like the movie, only not in space and far less shitty
Smith: That was a bad movie…speaking of bad, Big J had a terrible debut last week…he looks to atone for it this week against…Amber Ryan…let’s go down to ringside as our first match of the evening is ready to begin
~The cameras cut to in the ring as “The Hardcore Enigma” Big J is already in the ring awaiting his opponent~
Smith: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, after a great debut from 80 year Ehud of Moab, we are looking at Big J who will be facing Amber Ryan to try to make a good impression on the OCW world.
Hood: After his performance last week, I do not see that likely.
~A slight dim in the lights cues the methodical opening tune to "Extreme" by Valora, the crowd holds their cheers in anticipation. As the first of the vocals rings out, the curtain parts to reveal a female figure, flashing lights catsing a pale glow across her face. Smirk seemingly permanently plastered across her face, Amber slowly makes her way towards the ring, in no obvious rush as the song picks up towards the chorus. Fans outstretch their arms, fingers reaching for recognition but only some recieve that brief touch of a hand or arm as she passes by- her steely casting almost no focus on the ring as she laps the outside of the ring~
~Eventually, she chooses a side to enter from, sliding beneath the bottom rope before choosing a turnbuckle upon which to sit and wait almost sarcastically until proceedings get underway~
~The bell rings and Amber Ryan is immediately out of her corner with a dropkick to Big J ...who falls firmly on his butt. She follows up with a snapmare to him. He sits back up and she nails him with a shining wizard. He tries to get back up but she dropkicks his knee in before nailing him with a buzzsaw kick to the head~
Smith: The Distorted Angel taking it to Big J early in this match.
Hood: You would think that for such a big guy that he would be dominating in the early goings.
Smith: Well, you know how new OCW stars are ...some just have what it takes and some do not.
Hood: There seems to be many who just do not these last few weeks.
Smith: I have to agree ...I just think tonight is going to be the night of the “easy win.” Hopefully that will change soon.
~The tag team champion urges for Big J to get back up ...which he does and she delivers a vicious neckbreaker to him. She starts slamming his head into the mat repeatedly over and over again. She then then throws him right back up and shoves him into the turnbuckle before grabbing his hair and slamming his head into the turnbuckle over and over again. She turns him over and leans him on the turnbuckle to deliver a massive running knee to his beer belly. He falls to his butt still leaned on the turnbuckle. She follows up with a running knee to his head~
Smith: It is rare that we get to see one half of the tag team champion in action on Massacre but she is proving right now WHY she holds that gold.
Hood: She is definitely a firecracker ...but if she has any flaws ...she has done a good job so far of hiding it.
~Amber grabs his hair again and pulls him away from the turnbuckle. With him down and out, she rips the padding off of the turnbuckle revealing the steal. She then manages to place Big J’s head on it. She steps behind him and gets a loud pop from the fans as she performs that massive curb stomp on Big J. The cameras get a good shot of him bleeding underneath his mask~
Smith: Oh my god. What a BRUTAL move on someone who should be a monster. Man look at him. He is a mess.
Hood: In more ways than one. But damn, he CANNOT be conscious after that.
Amber Ryan pulls him up and leans him on the turnbuckle ...but then performs a variation of her Original Sin DDT. She sits back up before dragging him to the center of the ring and making the pin attempt~
….1
….2
….3
Belvedere: Here is your Winner….AMBER “DISTORTED ANGEL” RYAN!!!!!
Smith: That one was not even close. Amber Ryan just straight up controlled that match.
Hood: She once again proved that she is as skilled in a singles match as she is in tags.
~Amber is handed her title and celebrates on the top turnbuckle as she gets a very good reaction from the crowd. Big J holds his head in great pain ...it seems that he can possibly have a concussion of somekind. School officials try to help him out of the ring. While the attending to Big J, the lights suddenly go out followed by a single gong…the gong echoes throughout the gymnasium before the lights suddenly come back on. The people attending to Big J stare at one another, nervously before resuming their duties. We focus back on Smith and Hood~
Smith: It’s that gong!
Hood: Does that mean Big J is dead? Are we having an impromptu funeral?
Smith: No, I saw his index finger twitch
Hood: Oh, okay…I would say I am relieved…but that would insinuate I care
Smith: I think the gong has more to do with the silver haired guy…Danny B’s pal
Hood: Ohhhh yea, that’s right…he’s debuting tonight!
Smith: Indeed…apparently sometime later in the evening…I guess that was an appetizer
Hood: Fucking love appetizers…better than the meal most of the time
Smith: Sure…let’s go backstage
~We cut backstage where Dean in his office throwing darts at Gavin Reed’s obituary~
Dean: Stupid dead mother fucker…fucking lawsuits…match.com…fucking stupid ass idiots…
~Dean hurls a dart so hard…it goes through Gavin’s dead face and halfway into the wall. He sits back, staring at the mess he’s made…several holes looking right back at him. Suddenly the lights dim in his office. Dean sits up, a hint of superstition runs through his body~
Dean: No fucking way…
~A familiar voice begins to rap to the lyrical chords of Eminem’s “Kill You”~
Terrible Rapper: When I was just a little baby dick
~The lights come back on and Dean is relieved to see OCW’s resident rapper, comedian and jobber…Richard, standing in front of him. Richard looks very proud of his rap as he slowly crosses his arms like rappers used to do in an effort to look ‘hard’. Dean, trying his best not to laugh, responds~
Dean: Eminem, huh? That’s, well, that’s unusual in this day and age.
Richard: Just keeping it real, boss
Dean: Naturally…so, sucka…what can I help you with tonight? If you’re upset that you aren’t booked, listen…I’ve got a great idea for next week…
~Richard puts his index finger in front of his lips…Dean looks confused, but stops talking as, like everyone else, he’s intrigued to hear what Richard has to say next~
Richard: Dawg, you’ve been nothing but nice to me and have treated me well…however, per that future #1 rap I just previewed…specially for you…my dream has always been to be a rodeo clown.
Dean: The fuck?
Richard: Apparently the local circus rodeo has been watching my matches…they like my style and have offered me a position with them as a premiere rodeo clown…the money is good…it’s my dream, so, I must…
Dean: You do realize…
~Richard takes his index finger and he presses it against Dean’s lips~
Richard: Shhhhh…don’t try and talk me out of it Dean. I know you had a World Title push planned for me in the near future and if this were ANYTHING else…gay porn, male diaper commercials…a lifetime pass to sit in the crowd and laugh at what comes out of Jimmy Fallon’s stupid whore mouth…well, as tough as it’d be…I’d say no. BUT IT’S RODEO CLOWN, DEAN. I must go…
~Richard starts to leave…before he does, he stops and pulls out a small photo album, handing it to Dean~
Richard: Oh, I almost forgot…something to remember me by…Dick Pics.
Dean: What the fuck!
~Richard tosses the album on Dean’s desk…it accidentally flips open and Dean is relieved to see they are merely pictures profiling Richard’s legendary career. Richard turns to leave and stops at the door way. Dean looks up at him like he’s crazy…Richard takes his hand, kisses the palm and throws a kiss over his shoulder. Dean watches the imaginary kiss fly through the air and fall on his desk. Dean flicks it away with his index finger as Richard exits and shuts the door. Dean takes Richard’s ‘Dick Pics’ and tosses them into a drawer in his desk. His door opens yet again, without looking Dean responds~
Dean: Richard, you cannot have those dick pics back, they were a gift...I’m keeping them…
~Dean looks up only to be shocked and slightly embarrassed upon seeing Kenshin Takamura standing in front of his desk. Dean quickly stands up, adjusts his collar, clears his throat and extends his hand for Kenshin to shake. Kenshin stares at Dean’s hand for a moment and wisely asks a question before shaking his hand~
Kenshin Takamura: You haven’t been making use of those dick pics, have you?
~Kenshin’s eyes don’t leave Dean’s hand as he asks the question, seemingly afraid of touching his hand. Dean nods his head, understanding Kenshin’s concern. He pulls his hand back and places it in his pocket. Kenshin eyes Dean’s hand in his pocket with a suspect look. Dean removes it from his pocket and folds his hands in front of him~
Dean: Well, now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get down to business. I wanted to talk with you about your match coming up at Total Demolition…
~A look of confusion crosses Kenshin’s visage as he opens his mouth to speak again.~
Kenshin Takamura: What match? I haven’t been booked for Total Demolition.
~Dean unearths a legal document from his top desk drawer. It has the Total Demolition logo on it, but we cannot quite make out what the match is specifically. Dean reaches across the table and hands it to Kenshin along with a pen Dean obviously stole from a local bank. Kenshin’s eyes scan over the document for a moment before his dark eyes gaze at President Dean. Before anything else is said, Takamura takes the pen and signs the document. When he does, Dean suddenly as a pleased look on his face as the Tokyo Tiger drops the pen on his desk, and after a last glance at the President of OCW, walks out of President Dean’s office. We head back to ringside~
Smith: Oh my gosh, what an announcement!
Hood: No shit, this is going to change the landscape of OCW!!
Smith: I know!
Hood: Richard is leaving to become a rodeo clown!
Smith: What? Wait a minute…I’m talking about Kenshin Takamura and Total Demolition...what do you suppose he was signing?
Hood: Do I look like a psychic to you?
Smith: Well, I just assumed maybe that mechanic who told you about Syren told you about this.
Hood: Nah, he was a pretty one dimensional source
Smith: Oh, well...I guess we will have to find out later then
~“Break Stuff” by Limip Bizkit hits the pa. Kobra with beer in one hand and a mic in the other he steps out from behind the curtain. Kobra dressed in a sleeves black jean jacket, a form fitted Operation Zero black shirt, and Cargo Pants. He stops at the steel steps as the mixed reaction of the fans pours over him. Kobra chugs his beer and steps up the steel steps and into the ring. His music dies down and Kobra waits for the fans to quite down. Chants of “WHY YOU DO IT!?!” begin and Kobra still with a straight face just holds the mic high~
Kobra: I didn’t come out here to talk about Operation Zero. As for Operation Zero each and every one of you will eventually see what we stand for as we yank the veil from your eyes. Tonight I’m out here because after winning possibly the highest rated match in OCW rookie history I’m on the bench. I want to fix that. [Crowd begins to cheer.] I may not be able to call the shots but I know one thing is true if you come out and call someone out most of the time the man up in the box hears you. So tonight I’m issuing a challenge to Jason X. A street fight I think is appropriate in this occasion I mean after all he did take a chair charge into the ring and attacked me. Listen Jason I know you get mad when things don’t go your way but I got the feeling that you are one of those guys who just don’t give up so let me and you throw down next week. And Jason if I don’t have an answer by the end of the show I promise you I’ll hunt your ass down my damn self and bring the fight to you one way or another. Bring the blood because I got the beer
~“Break Stuff” hits the pa and Kobra slides out of the ring. He catches two beers thrown from the crowd and chugs them both as he makes his way up the ramp…we cut back to ringside~
Smith: Strong words from Kobra…we’ve apparently got a street fight on our hands next week for the Internet Title
Hood: I’m down
Smith: Should be highly entertaining!
~We cut to a video from earlier. Out on the lawn outside the University are OCW competitor Ana Archia (who later takes on Jayson Price) and her friend Serena Ransolver. They are walking around together. Serena is fiddling with her cuticles and Ana his swinging her head around like a cat trying to take in all the different aromas~
Serena: Do you have to do that?
Ana: How else am I going to be prepared for anything?
Serena: By not doing that?
Ana: What are you getting at, girly?
Serena: Stop moving your head!
~She raises her voice to say then immediately starts laughing~
Ana: And you think I’m weird… what’s so funny?
Serena: I missed you, Amiga, that’s all.
Ana: I’m ANA! Who is Amiga?!
Serena: So why are we walking out here? Shouldn’t we be heading inside so you can get ready for your match?
Ana: Oh look who thinks she knows everything just because her daddy didn’t completely suck in the Indy circuit! Well if you must know I like to be taken for a walk before my matches and since nobody likes me I haven’t been able to do it.
Serena: I suppose that is why you lost to Mia? Because nobody would take you on a walk before the show?
Ana: HEY!
~Startled, Serena jumps and then places her hand to her chest~
Ana: Sorry… but you make an interesting point. MAYBE there’s some kinda thing between me not going on a walk and Mia winning!
Serena: No there isn’t.
Ana: No- no… don’t backpedal, girly! I think I needs to have a talk with President Dean. I hope I don’t mistake that Zorro dude for him again.
Serena: Aren’t they the same person?
Ana: No, I don’t think so… pretty sure they are completely different people. That Zorro dude has a mustache.
Serena: It’s fake.
Ana: WHAT?!
~She stops and yanks Serena around to face her~
Serena: Oh Ana… what am I ever going to do with you?
~She smiles sweetly~
Ana: LOVE me?
Serena: Sure, someone has to and you are house broken.
Ana: Darn tootin’ I am! I am almost a year without dragging my butt on the carpet!
Serena: Wow, an entire year. What’s your secret?
Ana: Depends.
Serena: On what?
Ana: NO! ‘Depends’, the adult diaper.
Serena: That’s gross, Ana.
Ana: It’s a joke, girly.
Serena: Still gross. So are you ready to show me around the arena or do you need to sniff a tree or something first?
Ana: Hm…
~She makes a noise then holds her elbow while she taps her chin with her index finger~
Ana: While I would love to smell a tree or have you throw a Frisbee for me to catch I think we better get inside. Not that I am TOO worried about my match, but I need my ambassador to speak with Dean about a rematch against Mia.
Serena: Why do -‘I’- need to speak to Dean?
Ana: I’m not allowed in his office anymore. That’s why!
Serena: Oh geez… well color me not surprised. Let’s go then.
~Serena gets a head start and Ana runs up and jumps on her back~
Ana: PIGGY BACK RIDE! GIDDY-UP!
~Serena nearly falls over, but slams one of her feet forward and puts a stop to that. Serena walks towards the gymnasium to get Ana inside and locked in her dressing room (from the outside) for the sake of everyone’s sanity. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Oh, that whacky Ana…she is so cute!
Hood: Speak for your fucking self
Smith: Not a fan?
Hood: That’s putting it nicely
Smith: Well, whatever…I still enjoy her witty antics
my momma used to take me to the circus tent
She used to tell me that clowns were really cool
she used to tell me everyone loved a fool
And this was back when I was younger while we lived on a farm
Tending to the live stock ensuring they never encountered much harm
Then I grew up and realized I could merge my two loves
Joining Clowns and Cows like two united turtle doves
Since that day my goal in life became crystal clear
Becoming a rodeo clown and making the crowd cheer...
Bitch Imma Thrill YOU!
~“The Fuck Was I” by Jenny Owen Young plays as Ehud of Moab slowly makes his way down to the ring to a good applause ...mostly because people feel sorry for this elderly man who is making his way to the ring at a snails pace~
Hood: The fuck is this?
Smith: A match that features an eighty year old Sheriff, a midget, and a woman from Crete.
Hood: President Dean just hires anybody doesn’t he?
Smith: Well, it seems as if he has at least hired people with wrestling experience in the past but since Ana Archia ...he has been making some VERY random hirings. I like it. It makes our fed topical.
Hood: It also makes our fed a carnival act.
~About a minute has gone by and Ehud is still taking his time to get into the ring ...but either because they were tired of waiting or wanted to get a leg up on the competition, Keg and The Siren rush out from the back and TOGETHER jump Ehud from Moab together. Siren starts pounding on the back of his head while Keg kicks him in the shins and then punches him in the nuts~
Smith: So, it seems as if his two opponents are working together here for some reason.
Hood: This match is THAT weird. The biggest threat in it is the eighty year old man.
They slide him into the ring and Keg immediately goes for the cover.
...1
...2
...kickout!
Smith: And despite the attack on his nuts, Keg cannot pin him yet.
Hood: Well, maybe The Siren will have better luck.
~Siren hooks the leg~
…1
...2
...shoulder up!
Smith: Well, that didn’t work.
Hood: YES! It is like you actually have to put some effort in to win the match.
~The two continue to stomp on him to keep him down but he shirks it off as he slowly shambles to his feet. And as he gets back up it looks like he breaks Siren’s jaw with a Biblical left hook that sends her to her back. The punch is so powerful that Keg stares at him in shock. The audience is silent as it looks like this 80 year old man just crushed a woman’s face with his face. Both Hood and Smith are in shock as well~
Hood: Did I just see an eighty year old man just kill a woman with one punch?
Smith: I think that is exactly what you saw.
Hood: Remind me to not make fun of that guy.
~As The Siren holds her jaw in pain, Ehud gets to his knees and slowly makes the cover on the badly hurt young lady from Crete~
…1
...2
...3
Smith: And that is all she wrote for The Siren ...and for her face.
Hood: I think Keg is still in shock of that face crushing punch.
Smith:The little man does not look ready for that kind of mayhem.
~While he is on his knees, Keg charges at him with lefts and rights but Ehud just spins him around applies a Camel Clutch that he calls the Moab Mule. Keg struggles in the hold ...that Ehud is applying on his knees~
Hood: I do not know if Ehud is just one tough old motherfucker or if his opponents were just that ill prepared.
Smith: As great as that punch was ...he still is attempting to choke out a little person.
~Scruff raises Keg’s arm and it falls down. He raises it again and again it falls. He tries to raise it for a third time but it falls and the bell immediately rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner ...EHUD OF MOAB!!!!!
Smith: And just like that, we see the rise of this young star ...er…
Hood: YEah, you might want to re-phrase that.
Smith: And just like that we see the automatic chairlift of this frail old man.
Hood: He looked better than more than half of the people Dean hired over the last few weeks.
~Ehud gets to his feet ...slowly and then makes his way out of the ring~
Smith: Lets cut to the back as this may take awhile.
~We cut backstage. After securing Ana in her locker room (locking her in from the outside) the cameras catch up to Serena standing outside President Dean's office; a little nervous. She eventually brings up her hand to knock and soon hears what sounds like a very annoyed President Dean. Serena slowly opens the door and peaks through then walks through~
President Dean: Uh... who are you, sucka?
Serena: I am Ana's friend. I cam here to speak on her-
President Dean: Uhg... tell her I am not giving her my number again, sucka.
Serena: What did you just- (waving her hands) Never mind... this isn't about your number. I wanted to talk to you about giving my friend a chance at some title soon.
President Dean: Why would I do that? I suppose if she won this week that would HELP, but she still needs to earn her place.
Serena: Well surely we can come to some sort of agreement.
President Dean: So you are asking me for a favor, but what are YOU willing to do other than act as her advocate, sucka?
Serena: (letting out a sigh) Tell you what, book ME after Total Demolition in her place and if I win then she gets a shot at any title she wants.
President Dean: You?
~He looks Serena up and down then rubs his chin~
Serena: Yeah, me... I am a wrestling legacy.
President Dean: Hm...
Serena: What do you have to lose? I am not asking for money, just to help my friend.
President Dean: I will CONSIDER it, but that is all I am promising.
Serena: Thank you, Dean.
~She smiles sweetly and takes her leave of his office to bring Ana the potential good news. We head back to ringside~
Smith: The infectious Ana Archia’s match is up next
Hood: Infectious as in some horrifying disease that makes everyone run away from you
Smith: ….no…on that note, let’s head to an ad from one of our newest sponsors
Hood: Which, may I, uhh, add…hahahaha…that, I don’t ever need to use
Smith: You’re so childish
~We suddenly cut to a middle aged man with a tight Ralph lauren polo on, tight wrangler jeans, a watch and nice shoes. He’s riding a horse or roping a bull or winning an MMA match…you know, something MANLY. Suddenly, a hot woman walks up and gives him a kiss…his eyes widen~
Generic Commercial Voice: That special time could come at any moment…
~The same man is having dinner with his in-laws. He is biting into a giant t-bone steak before washing it down with a really thick beer. Suddenly, his mother in law grabs his crotch…his eyes widen~
Generic Commercial Voice: When that moment arrives, you have to be prepared to act…
~Finally, the man is immersed in hand to hand combat with a bunch of pirates who have invaded North Dakota for some reason. He destroys them with one giant tornado punch…knocking all their beards off. He instantly grows a giant, full manly beard before taking a bite out of a huge turkey leg that fell from the sky. Looking around at all the carnage and manliness caused by his raw nature, he pops a giant boner and his eyes widen~
Generic Commercial Voice: So, when these moments arise…do you want to be some fucking pussy with a limp, flaccid ass penis left playing video games and sipping on Code Red Mountain Dew? Or do you want to be a fucking man who takes life and fucks it up the ass. If the answer isn’t the latter, you can go fuck yourself. Go out and buy a bottle of Super Sperm Tablets Which Conveniently Resemble Tylenol.
~The same man tosses the pill bottle back and instantly chews a number of tablets before washing them down with his own spit. He is in the mall, right in front of Foot Locker…a nerdy guy is walking by with his cute, dark haired girlfriend…he quickly grabs her and bends her over the nearest bench…we freeze frame~
Generic Commercial Voice: Super Sperm Tablets Which Conveniently Resemble Tylenol…because, there's nothing to be ashamed about in regards to erectile dysfunction... other than the fact that your junk doesn't work anymore and you're no longer a man.
~We get one final shot of the man. The strange very OCWesque commercial ends and we cut backstage to find Chad Vargas and Treat Cassidy~
Vargas: You know what really grinds my gears, Treat?
Cassidy: The list is long, Chad - so please, humor me.
Vargas: Ha ha. Fuckin' comedian tonight ain't ya? Anyway - it seems to me, OCW is buzzing, radio show's are popping and the OCW newswire e-zine is goin' off the hook with all the latest happenings and juicy gossip surrounding OCW's finest players - but you know who is missing?
~Before Treat can respond, Vargas presses on.~
Vargas: Chad F'N Vargas' name. Seems to me I'm just passed along, and I don't know what I've gotta do to get some fuckin' recognition around here! Granted, losing the Rookie's night out match last Monday night wasn't a good start, but do these pigs realize the talent that I've brought to the table?! I don't know if I've gotta end B-Minus' career tonight to get proper recognition, or do I need to march into President Deano's office and knock his head off his shoulders? I don't know - but one thing is certain - I'm the man with the biggest fuckin' balls and the broadest shoulders in all of the locker room. Not Scott Syren, Not Kensin Tanshamamahamawhatever the fuck his name is, not Kobra not fuckin' NOBODY! Tonight is the start of my climb to the top of OCW's mountain, and I don't give a sweaty ball sack who I've gotta rip apart. KC3, you still haven't responded to my challenge. First you disrespected me in that shit you call a promo, and than you further the disrespect by blowing me off and not having the guts to respond to my challenge - so just know, you scared little cowardly bitch - my crosshairs are set on you, and weather you accept or not, very soon you and I will meet up in the ring, and you it'll be god damn hard to walk backstage afterwards, with two broken fuckin' legs!
~Vargas storms off camera as Treat follows, smirking arrogantly. We head back to ringside~
Smith: I really like Chad Vargas…that sponsor of ours, not so much
Hood: Well, yea, nobody likes a commercial advertising a product they already use
Smith: I do not use a male enhancement product with a ridiculously complicated name
Hood: Ah a simpler name, gotcha
Smith: Whatever! Let’s go down to ringside for your favorite, Ana Archia
Hood: I doubt even that product sponsoring us tonight could get me excited for this
Smith: Yikes
~“Explosia” by Gojira plays as Jayson Price is preparing for his first singles match in the ring. He does some stretches as the fans give him no reaction whatsoever~
~“Freak like me” by Halestorm plays as Ana Archia makes her from behind the curtain as she is cheered ...but also not cheered at the very same time if you would believe it. She climbs up the steel steps but then climbs to the top turnbuckle and asks for her music to stop and for the bell to ring. As the bell rings, Ana Archia is off the top turnbuckle with a flying crossbody that takes Jayson Price off his game. She springs back up and performs a standing shooting star press onto the down and out Jayson Price. She immediately hooks the leg~
...1
...kick out
Smith: Ana Archia gets an early pin attempt with her bizarre offense to start the match.
Hood: Yeah, that shows how effective it was though ...it only got a one count.
~Ana Archia is quickly back up on her feet performs a monkey flip on Jayson Price. A simple but effective move that has Price huddled in the corner. She performs a corner splash on him that sends him forward. She immediately rolls him up with a small package~
...1
…Shoulder Up!
Smith: Ana continues to attempt an early pinning attempt!
Hood: Too bad she keeps only accomplishing one counts here.
Smith: Give her time.
Hood: Nah, I don’t have the patience for Raviolli girl here. I have to accept two other quirky ladies who I can’t stand ...I am not going to have it for the cheap knock off those two.
Smith: That isn’t fair. She is a star in her own right.
Hood: Well, she has the chance to prove me wrong here
~Jayson Price is back up but Ana is off the ropes with handspring into a crossbody that she transitions into school boy~
...1
...2
...kickout!
Smith: Once again, her fast offense is getting her some good pin attempts but it just isn’t enough yet.
Hood: If she keeps trying to use the element of surprise ...it will not be a surprise.
~Ana rolls off him and springboards off the ropes with a hurrircanrana. Back up on her feet she, effortlessly hops onto the turnbuckle again launches herself off with a frogsplash. Knowing that it is going to take more than that to keep him down she once again goes to the top turnuckle and awaits for him to get back up ...but he soon joins her at the top of the turnbuckle and looks to get her into a superplex but she head butts him and hammers on him. And then from the turnbuckle she performs a hurricanrana on him that sends him into the middle of the ring~
...1
...2
...KICKOUT!
Smith: Wow. Even you have to admire her athleticism here.
Hood: I will ADMIT that she obviously has ADHD that makes her have a hyperactive defense! But Jayson with a Y, as in “why is he still employed,” was still able to kick out.
~Ana irish whips him into the corner face first and yells out for him to “LOOK AT THE FLOWERS” before nailing him with a dropkick that his face into the turnbuckle~
Hood: Pop culture reference there?
Smith:I think it is from Game of Thrones or something.
Hood: Because it will be a television reference that people will get ten years from now. By the way don’t forget to Save the Cheerleader, save the world.
~She immediately grabs him and performs the UNLEASHED , the brutal neckbreaker variation, that finally lays out Jayson Price~
...1
...2
...3
Belvedere: Here is your winner ...ANA ARCHIA!!!!!
Smith: A good solid victory from the girl that Dean offered a job because she was eating ravioli at bookstore.
Hood: Please listen to what you just said and tell me that her hiring was not done on some drunken President Dean binge after drinking three bottles of wine.
Smith: I think her hiring was done on three bottles of WIN!
Hood: I am going to kill you in your sleep.
~Ana Archia celebrates before crawling underneath the mat and pullling out a bowl of raviolli before eating it up the walkway to behind the curtain~
Smith: Big win for Ana Archia…maybe she will upgrade from Chef Boyardee
Hood: There is no upgrade from the canned goodness that the good chef places on store shelves across America
Smith: Sorry, I forgot who I was sitting next to…folks, let’s go backstage
Hood: The fuck does that mean!
~We go backstage where Pryde is seen walking down a hallway, alone. Leo turns a corner and nearly runs into Pryde. Leo’s face only comes up to Pryde chest as he slowly looks up at the masked man staring down at him. The look on Leo’s face is one of nervousness…he swallows hard and musters up the courage to speak~
Leo: Pryde…just the guy I was, umm, looking for. Dean wanted me to deliver this to you…
~Pryde lifts up the contract for Pryde’s title defense against Kenshin Takamura. The papers are shaking in Leo’s nervous hand. Pryde yanks the papers out of Leo’s hand and looks them over…his eyes, or well we can only assume where they are headed due to the mask, dart towards the bottom where Kenshin’s signature resides~
Leo: Dean also wanted me to inform you that if you don’t sign this contract, you will be stripped of the Southern Title…please, don’t shoot the messenger Mr. Pryde Sir…or Ma’am…
~Leo, shaking, reaches up, offering Pryde a pen. Pryde takes the pen and then reaches out, grabbing Leo by the throat. He slams him against the wall. Pryde then draws his face in close, nearly nose to nose with Leo. Leo turns his face, shutting his eyes as tightly as he can. Pryde shoves the contract onto Leo’s cheek and, begrudgingly, signs it. He drops both the contract and the pen on the ground and exits the scene. Leo stands there, trembling…he slowly opens the eye facing Pryde and looks out the corner of it…he sees Pryde is gone and releases a huge sigh of relief. Leo bends over, picks up the contract along with the pen and rushes back to Dean’s office with the signed contract. We head back to ringside~
Smith: Pryde has officially agreed to defending the Southern Title against Kenshin Takamura at Total Demolition!
Hood: Seriously? You act as though he had a fucking choice
Smith: Well, he did have a choice, Hood
Hood: Not a REALISTIC choice…boy, Dean sure hasn’t changed…continues to treat his champions like shit
Smith: Excuse me?
Hood: Operation Zero is the best thing going in OCW today and he’s hell bent on destroying them
Smith: Well, I don’t blame him for trying to run them out of town
Hood: What? Like out of Idaho? Cause, if that’s the case, he’s doing them a fucking favor
Smith: No, you stupid man…like out of OCW
Hood: I hate to tell you, Geography wiz, but OCW isn’t a town
Smith: I know that
Hood: It’s a UNIVERSE
Smith: Yea, okay…whatever
~The lights in the Idaho state university gymnasium turn out suddenly, leaving the room in darkness~
Smith: I am sorry folks, we seem to be having a few technical issues here.
Hood: Yeah, shame one of them isn’t your headset going out.
~A gong resounds around the arena, causing the crowd to roar with anticipation. A second gong goes through the crowd, doing nothing to calm the fans. A third resounds, followed by the dulcet tones of Johnny Cash’s ‘God’s gonna cut you down’. A single spotlight appears on the stage, illuminating a giant of man, White and silver armour plates adorning his body, his long silver hair flowing freely behind him. The giant breaks his gaze upon the floor, and stares down towards the ring, unblinking~
~He begins to move, gliding effortlessly down towards the ring, stopping before it, and raising his right arm. He pulls it across his chest, and slowly drags it back. The steel stairs unseat themselves, and move slowly across the floor, stopping in front of the giant. He climbs them, and steps over the ropes. The stairs crawl back to their original position as the giant stands in the ring. He drops to one knee, raising his right arm above his head. He brings it down, balling it into a fist as he does so. A thunderclap electrifies the arena, turning on the lights and cutting out the music. The giant stands, and speaks, the need for a microphone not apparent, as his voice travels round the fans all the same~
Silver haired guy: A few weeks ago, I appeared before you, and the question was raised, who is this man? What is he doing here? There are many questions that will all be answered in time, but the first to answer is the question of my identity. My name is Anubis, and I am here to compete within Online Championship Wrestling.
~An An-U-Bis chant stars amongst the crowd. The giant waits patiently for it to calm~
Anubis: I have sat back for far too long, watching the injustices and immoral behaviour taking place within this company, from evil attacks to coaches and loved ones, to blindsiding competitors when they aren’t looking.
There have been those that treat this company as a place to perform acts that would not be plausible anywhere else in the world, many that seem to think because they can lace up a pair of boots that they have the right to perform heinous acts, they believe their ability to execute a suplex is pass to believe that they are the greatest wrestler on the face of the earth. It seems as though these people can be beat in the ring they do not take that as a sign that they are not all that they make themselves out to be.
It does not seem to matter whether they fight for good or evil, every soul that calls OCW home takes it upon themselves to be the greatest, whatever the reason. Whether it be to psychoanalyse the roster, or fight in the name of honour. Whether their aim is sheer destruction, or to call themselves the one true world champion, some in the name of being epic and others to prove that history matters little. The biggest criminality that I have seen thus far however, is the ability for four men, of little to no ability to call themselves a family, based on their nature to not win on their own terms, to have to rely on the other men to allow themselves the chance to be great with minimal effort.
A little time back these four men decided to allow themselves the opportunity to control this company by denying two people the chance to prove that they are the top competitors in the company by striking their own team mates.
It of course seems that my interest in these men is well deserved, as they have proven since that time that not one of them is a great as they believe, having all lost their chances at championship gold, whereas the two that they deemed unworthy have become champion.
To these four, and to each of you watching, I have not come alone into this company, I have brought my own family. One of these people you know well, he was once my protégé, and now I call him a partner, and a friend. I come with The Ripper Danny B and his illustrious wife, Jednie!
~The lights black out once again as a distorted scream takes around the arena, the rock beats of ‘Stars in the night’ by CFO$ start, illuminating the arena once again. Danny B steps out, looking a little less suave than usual, his tag team championship belt hanging from his right hand, and from his left, the beautiful Asian woman that has been appearing over the last few weeks, he saunters onto the stage, showing off his better half before the two of them make their way towards the ring. Danny allows Jednie in first, holding the ropes for her, and grabs a microphone as he enters himself~
Danny: Sorry ladies and gentlemen, the big guy’s not had to say much for a while, trapped in whatever hole he’s in when he’s not around. Anyway, let me introduce to you, the most beautiful woman in the world, my wife, Jednie!
~She twirls, there is a lukewarm response in the crowd, unsure of what to think~
Danny: As the big man said, we are a family, Anubis and I have been the best of friends and the worst of enemies, hell I nearly killed him once, but that’s in the past now. We have come to OCW together, to prove that we are the most dominant force in OCW history, and to prove that there is no one, or any group out there that is better than us.
Now, I know what you must be thinking, haven’t I already got my hands full with being tag team champions with Amber? Yeah, I do, but that is a different story altogether. See Angel and I have a history of our own, but it has nothing to do with the Demons of Death, and there is a different agenda here. Of course I will continue to prove that I am one half of the most dominant tag team champions ever to step through that curtain, but all in all, we are here to rough things up a bit, change the status quo as it were. We have a man running around pretending to be the one true world champion, and his way of declaring that was to burn the coveted, and real, internet championship belt, because that makes sense right?
On top of him, we have a man that was proud to be paper champion for a month, believing that his was his right to be champion, despite never having won a championship match! We have racists, sociopaths, lunatics and even a bloke who for some reason cannot be photographed in colour, potentially because cameras where only made that big in 1934.
The point I am getting at is that we are here to right wrongs and change inconsistences. The Family gave enough to deal with Team Aqua Jet or whatever the hell they are calling themselves.
~Anubis speaks again, still no microphone in sight~
Anubis: And young Ripper here has already an issue to deal with, so in my eyes, that leaves only I to begin our crusade, and I shall do so next week, as I am issuing an open challenge, whomsoever feels they can stand in this ring with myself shall do so with great precaution, I shall be making an example and showing that in some cases, no substitution is valid against size and experience.
~Jednie takes Danny’s hand, leaning it so she can speak~
Jednie: And for you that think I am just some pretty little thing, be warned, I don’t play nice.
Danny: We are the demons of death, and OCW, your time has come.
~‘7 Days to the wolves’ by Nightwish now rings through the crowd as the lights in the arena turn a deep purple. The three demons make their way from the ring up to the curtain, as they do, they stand atop the entranceway, and one by one, turn their heads back towards the crowd. As they turn back, they, in unison, raise their arms into the air. A lightning bolt strikes the ring, turning the lights out and cutting the music. As the lights return, the demons have vanished, and a single wisp of smoke rises from the canvas~
Smith: The silver haired guy has finally returned and he is called…Anubis
Hood: Demons, Smith! They are Demonds…WE’VE GOT DEMONS
Smith: Whether or not they are actual demons remains to be seen but they clearly have a defined purpose and carrying out that purpose should be entertaining to watch
Hood: I want to see more of Jednie, personally
Smith: Naturally…let’s head backstage
~The live feed cuts to backstage where “the Incredible” Ian Bishop is on the ground doing curl ups as the crowd boos him to death. He counts to one hundred as he stops and gets up from the ground and wipes the front of his shirt onto his face to wipe away the sweat. He starts to go back to the ground to do push ups when a figure enters his room and catches him off guard. The camera pans over to reveal Kenshin Takamura as the crowd erupts in cheers. Bishop gets up quickly and stares down Kenshin, but has very little time to react as Kenshin abruptly grips the collar of Ian’s shirt~
Ian Bishop: You need to back the fuck up right now, Kenshin…
~Unfortunately, for Ian, his threat means nothing as Takamura pins him against the nearest wall. An unsettling rage forms in his dark eyes as he glares directly into Ian’s own eyes~
Kenshin Takamura: Before you try to act like a tough son of a bitch. Listen to me. Listen very carefully to me. What you did last week to MJ was the most despicable display I have ever seen. You are just lucky I did not see it until AFTER the show in a replay. I probably would have killed you.
~Bishop’s concerned face quickly turns to a slight grin as he begins to chuckle at Kenshin’s words~
Ian Bishop: So… the zipperhead DOES love the red head? See, from what I was told, you two were just friends but, hah, I guess she was wrong. You wouldn’t be pinning me against a wall if you didn’t have strong feelings for her… am I right, or am I right?
~Takamura releases Bishop from his grip causing him to stumble forward just a bit~
Kenshin Takamura: Apparently you have never truly given a shit about your friends.
Ian Bishop: Stop trying to change the subject… answer the fucking question, Kenshin. Do you love her?
~Kenshin shoves Ian away from him before turning away from him, speaking as he does~
Kenshin Takamura: You will never understand anything, Bishop. You are too shallow to ever think beyond one dimension.
~Bishop smirks as he circles around Kenshin so they are face to face~
Ian Bishop: I do understand what’s going on. See, let me paint the picture for you right now. You do love this girl. Yet, here you are, not even lying to me! You fail to answer the question! You can’t even admit it to yourself. I see the way you two talk to one another and listen, you love her. At least I am honest to her about how I feel. Hmm, here’s something that’ll rile you up… did you know she let me KISS her in the hospital… and then a couple of weeks ago too. In front of everyone. Where were you then? Not giving a shit that’s what. I give a shit about her. And yes, I roughed her up last week. But what’s love without a bit of rough and tough if you know what I mean? Hah!
~Kenshin’s jawline visibly tightens as he fights back his anger with Ian Bishop~
Kenshin Takamura: Bishop, you are traveling down a path that you are unwise to even acknowledge in the first place. Whatever feelings I may or may not have for MJ are none of your concern. Things are not just black and white, Bishop. There is a gray area too. Now, you have a match to get ready for so do that before I do something we'll both regret. Well, at least you will.
~Before Ian Bishop can get another word it, Kenshin shoves past him and walks out of the locker room as Bishop turns around and starts to yell for Kenshin~
Ian Bishop: Kenshin… KENSHIN! You piece of shit! Get back here!
~Kenshin doesn’t respond as Bishop’s face is shown glowing red as he punches a nearby locker as the feed cuts back to ringside~
Smith: Tensions are rising between Kenshin Takamura…the newly crowned number one contender for the Southern Title and the apparent leader of The Family, Ian Bishop
Hood: Yes…however, instead of this feud being over titles or OCW supremacy…it stems from some chick…disgusting
Smith: Every major war has centered around a woman, Hood…do some historical research
Hood: You know, if women were born without vocal chords and the ability to think…the world would be a peaceful place
Smith: Vocal chords?
Hood: Well, yea, because their mouths could still be useful
Smith: Pig…speaking of, let’s go down to ringside for a very polarizing figure in OCW…Chad Vargas
Hood: Don’t forget B-Minus!
Smith: Heh..yea
~"Needle and the Spoon" by Lynyrd Skynyrd hits as “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas makes his way out from behind the curtain. He doesn’t play up to the fans at all but instead jaw jacks with some of the more ‘diverse’ of the crowd. He slides into the ring and heads to the top turnbuckle as he brags about being a Southern Gentlemen~
~He waits in the ring as “Special Op” hits the P,A system and B-Minus enters the gym and is SO neutral that he just stares blankly ahead ...not serious or anything. He is just indifferent to everything because being neutral is kewl! But Right as he enters the ring, Chad Vargas stars stomping on me ...but B-Minus pushes him off~
Smith: Vargas getting his licks in early on B-Minus. There is a slight weight advantage of B-Minus’s side.
Hood: But , as with Big J, it doesn’t matter how big you are but how you use it ...and I don’t see him using his strength well.
~B-Minus is off the ropes when the match begins and delivers a clothesline to Chad Vargas ...but Chad ducks it and delivers a drop toe hold to Mr. Minus. B-Minus gets back to his feet and immediately locks up with Chad. B-Minus, being the bigger man, wins the lock up ...but Vargas knees him in the crotch. He then turns the move into wrist clutch exploder suplex~
Smith: B-Minus showing a fairly B-Minus effort so far ...which is different than the F minus we saw him debut at.
Hood: But Vargas is one step ahead of him ...obviously this match is VERY important to Chad Vargas.
Smith: How so?
Hood: Well ...B-Minus is a black man.
Smith: Yes?
Hood: And Chad Vargas is a white man from the South.
Smith: Uh-huh?
Hood: Think about it.
Smith: I have and you are a terrible human being for even trying to go “there.”
Hood: You were thinking it too.
~B-Minus is staggering back to his feet and Vargas hits him with a running knee lift. He pulls him to his feet before irish whipping him into the turnbuckle. He nails him in the ribs with a running shoulder block. Chad Vargas pulls him back towards him and performs a major belly to back suplex that lays him out in the middle of the ring. He follows up with a leg drop before pulling him up and nailing him in the back of his head with his fist a couple of times~
Smith: The Southern Gentleman has subdued B-minus who is now back to an F minus performance.
Hood: I am sure this brings back memories of…
Smith: No! NO! NO! I am not letting you talk for the rest of the match.
Hood:You didn’t know what I was going to say.
Smith: We ALL knew what you were going to say. You can join Ian Bishop in the “Ineffective and unclever Shock Factor Club.”
Hood: Yes, but there isn’t a stupid echo when I speak.
Smith: Yeah, what is up with that?
~B-Minus is back up to his feet, albeit slowly, Chad Vargas pulls him up and lays him out with an evenflow DDT. He goes for the pin~
Smith: He calls that one the Snakeskin DDT and he just nailed it with great…
Hood: PREJUDICE!
Smith: Stop it!
…1
….2
… Kickout!
~Vargas looks a little frustrated but gets back to his feet before whipping B-Minus into the ropes. B-Minus bounces back before Vargas hits him with a running knee. He urges B-Minus to rise back to his feet before applying a pumphandle slam onto him. He hooks the leg once more~
…1
….2
….Shoulder up!
Smith: I got to say B-Minus is putting forth more effort than I expected here.
Hood: He too has generations and generations of…
Smith: KNOCK IT OFF! Stop making this about something this isn’t.
~He pulls him to his feet ...but B-minus begins to hit him with lefts and rights. Chad Vargas fights back with his own lefts and rights. He spins around and hits him with the Forward Russian Leg Sweep! Vargas goes for the cover~
Smith: He calls that one The Stroke.
Hood: It is also my favorite song of all time.
Smith: This one has to be over.
...1
...2
...3
Belvedere: Here is your winner ... “THE CONFEDERATE ICON” CHAD VARGAS!!!!!
Smith: And the night of the easy wins continues as Chad Vargas gets the pinfall victory over B-Minus.
Hood: And the south has risen again!
Smith: I have a good feeling about this guy …I think with a little effort we could possibly see him in the Internet title scene soon.
~Chad Vargas celebrates in the ring and kicks B-Minus in the ribs while he is down before sliding underneath the bottom rope and making his way to the back while raising his arm in his first OCW singles victory. The live feed cuts to a dark hallway, with the only illumination the Exit sign showing the way out. It’s the lower levels of the building, under the gymnasium. Walking down the hall is Hades. He is looking around, nervous at being in such a dark place. Ironic for the supposed king of the underworld to be scared of being in the basement. He holds up a note and tries to look at it again, but it’s hard to read in the dark~
Hades: Zeus? Are you down here? I got your note. I know you got fired, but we can fix this, brother!
~Hades walks forward, still trying to see. He trips over a mop bucket that had been left out and falls, getting drenched. He gets up, water dripping everywhere~
Hades: Curses! Zeus? Where arest thou? Listen, just return with me. We will talk to Dean, you kiss his cūlus for as long as he wants, and if he wants more, so be it. But we need to get our squad united together again!
~Hades kicks the bucket away from him and continues on, trying to search through the area for his former partner. He doesn’t see the figure in the darkness, watching him as he walks away. We go back to the ringside area~
Smith: Hades is here, and he’s lurking below us!
Hood: That fucker hasn’t been fired yet?
~”Figure 8” by Trust Company begins to play as the fans stand and erupt in cheers when the long awaited return of Curt Canon takes place in front of their eyes. He enters into the arena and takes a seat ringside~
Smith: Curt Canon is in the house!
Hood: And this night is totally beginning to redeem itself!
Smith: Indeed…rumor has it he’s looking to firm up his legacy so that he can enter into the OCW Hall of Fame
Hood: Damn straight…I remember them a shit ton more fondly than D Double D or Mark Kelley
Smith: Like I’ve said a million times over…I am so glad you have no actual say in how things are ran…speaking of people who don’t need any sort of power, let’s go to some footage featuring…The Big Bifford
~The screen flashes from black, to a moment of static, to the image of The Big Bifford standing outside a large, generic, lower-middle-income home in the suburbs. All of the houses around him are like cookie cutters, all the same, all boring, and all full of people with boring lives. Bifford stands confidently on the front yard of one~
Bifford: Here I am, The Big Bifford, OCW Hall of Famer, former OCW World Heavyweight Champion, former OCW United States Champion, former Vice President of OCW and former President of OCW, standing in front of THE HOME OF DANGEROUS DAN.
Hood: HE'S AT DAN'S HOUSE!
Smith: Ugh... this... this can't be good.
Bifford: This is obviously the home of a man who has made a better living in professional wrestling than most, but clearly the home of a man who cannot call himself a former GCWA or OCW World Champion. I can say both of those things though. I can also say that I've beat Dangerous Dan more times than many people in this neighborhood shower in a month.
~Bifford laughs~
Smith: This is all kinda uncalled for...
Bifford: And now, I'm going to set this house on fire.
Smith: WHAT? WHAT IS HE DOING? HE CAN'T DO THAT!
~Bifford grabs a flame thrower from the trunk of his Mercedes and straps it on his back. He looks at the house and smiles~
Bifford: Dan, you thought you could hide from me... You thought you could leave OCW and it would all be over... but no, it won't be over until I personally MURDER YOU in the middle of an OCW ring and then am sent to prison again! And now.... time to torch your house.
~Bifford laughs maniacally and tries to activate the flame thrower. Sadly, it does not turn on. He tries a few more times, his face showing frustration, but the flame thrower just won't work~
Bifford: Well... this segment has less flames in it than a Tommy Crimson match... Did you get that joke?
~Bifford looks at the camera~
Bifford: It's funny because Crimson's finisher was setting himself on fire... and he didn't win many matches. So there wasn't a lot of fire. Do you get it?
~The camera shakes up and down, as though the camera man was nodding~
Bifford: Well... that pretty much sucked.
~Bifford takes off the flame thrower and puts it back in his trunk~
Bifford: This is so freaking embarrassing.. I mean... I'm the Big Bifford. This is as bad as an Ian Bishop or Jayson Price promo.
~He sighs and looks really irritated~
Bifford: Well.. time for plan B. PREPARE THE CAMEL.
~Bifford shouts that command to someone off camera and the screen goes back to the arena~
Hood: Did Biff just say...?
Smith: He said prepare the camel... What the hell does that mean?
Hood: I... I don't know.
Smith: Well, in any event…Biff is weird and we have matches to move along towards…so, ya know, typical OCW stuff
Hood: Sweet who’s next?
Smith:
Hood: WHO???
~Collins and Carson are already in the ring, discussing strategies when it comes to words with friends on their smart phones~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next match is scheduled for one fall…introducing first…these two guys.
~The lights fade in the arena as the beginning chorus of "Guren no Yumiya" begins. The crowd rises to their feet in anticipation for who they know is entering. Red lights under the entrance ramp kick on casting a red glow from the entrance ramp and entrance stage. As the chorus suddenly picks up in a frantic song, spotlights scan everywhere through out the arena to the speed of the music until finally the lead singer of Linked Horizon begins singing. Those lights focus in on the entrance stage where Kenshin Takamura emerges from behind the curtains to a huge pop from the crowd. Upon reaching the top of the entrance ramp, he looks around at the crowd which is buzzing loudly before dropping to his knees and raises his open hands wide and high as his eyes shut gently. White pyrotechnics fire off behind him, meanwhile the red lights under the entrance stage and ramp, light up his muscular form, showing off how good of shape he's in. After a moment, in an impressive display of agility, he leaps from his knees up to his feet before making his way toward the ring. He approaches the ring steps and jogs up them then across the apron. For a moment, he looks out at the crowd, who cheer him on before he steps through the ropes and takes his corner while clasping his fingers together then rotating his wrists as the lights return to normal...~
Belvedere: And their opponent, from Tokyo, Japan…standing 6’1 and weighing in at 235lbs…Kenshin Takamura!!!
~Takamura enters into the ring as Collins and Carson look confused. Belvedere quickly exits and sounds the bell~
Smith: A late addition to this match, folks…apparently President Dean felt as though this contest needed a shot in the arm.
Hood: Wait…those two guys in the ring BEFORE Kenshin…are they wrestlers?
Smith: Yes, Hood…they’ve been OCW wrestlers for nearly three weeks now
Hood: Fuck, I thought they were selling t-shirts or poorly made bobblehead dolls.
Smith: Nope
~Collins rushes at Kenshin…Kenshin lifts him up and drops him with a spinebuster. Kenshin then tosses Collins over the top rope and to the outside. Carson is up next~
Smith: Well, that was easy
Hood: Are you SURE those guys aren’t salesmen or fans or janitors?
Smith: Positive, my clueless colleague
~Carson throws a punch at Kenshin, Kenshin grabs Carson’s arm due to the weak effort Carson put forth, yanks Carson towards him and drops him with the bull hammer! Carson collapses to the match as Kenshin walks around Carson’s limp body~
Smith: Kenshin Takamura calls that the Tsunami Strike!
Hood: What kind of punch was that Carson threw?
Smith: A bad one?
Hood: He may as well have thrown a tissue into Kenshin’s face…but, you know, a clean tissue…not one that has snot or germs in it, cause, potentially, that could cause some harm.
Smith: You spend entirely too much energy on ridiculous comments
Hood: Someone has to pick up the slack around here
~Carson is on both knees now, looking up at Kenshin with a dazed glare. Kenshin takes a step back and then drills Carson in the head with a Buzzsaw kick!! Carson’s body falls to the mat as Kenshin makes a laid back cover…the crowd counts with Scruff’s hand as it hits the mat~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The crowd erupts with cheers as Belvedere makes the announcement~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…KENSHIN TAKAMURA!!!!!
Smith: Kenshin Takamura steals a win from the OCW rookies
Hood: More like it was gift wrapped for him…why does Dean book high school vendors into matches? Nobody gives a shit
Smith: THEY ARE NOT HIGH SCHOOL VENDORS
Hood: Not before the match…now, they’ll probably beg for that fucking gig
Smith: Eh, semi-indeed
~Kenshin exits the ring and walks past Canon…he looks over at Canon…Canon just ignores him and continues to stare at the ring as if he’s some really focused fan. Kenshin turns his attention back to the ramp and walks off~
Smith: Curt Canon continues to remain unbiased…perhaps he’s merely a spectator tonight
Hood: Curt Canon is never merely a spectator…at the very least, he is awesome
Smith: Well, maybe he should get in the ring, then
Hood: You don’t just throw Canon into a ring without notice…you advertise it…the man is a show stealer…a ticket mover…he is Curt fucking Canon
Smith: Calm down! And, while you do…let’s go backstage
~The feed jumps back to underneath the gymnasium, where we see Hades still wandering around. He has almost given up trying to find Zeus but now he can’t find his way out~
Hades: Merda! I took a right, right? Or a left? By all the gods! Zeus! This isn’t funny anymore! Dean could be looking for me right now! He might fire me without you beside me! Why didn’t I bring my torch?! Goddamnit! Wait, not God, Zeusdamnit!
~Hades stumbles around another corner and he sees a door to his left. Spray-painted on the door in neon-green is a lightning bolt. Hades lets out a sigh of relief~
Hades: Zeus! This is where you’ve been hiding this whole time? Brother?
~Hades bangs through the door and trips, sliding into the boiler room of the gym. All the lights are on, so it takes him a minute to be able to see as he crawls forward. Behind him, the door slams shut. He gets up and turns around, blinking, to see Kobra standing there, guarding the exit with a beer firmly in hand~
Hades: What are you doing here? Where’s Zeus? Speak, cur, you stand before a god now!
~Behind Hades, Scott Syren steps out from behind a column. Hades turns to face him when he starts talking~
Scott Syren: I love “Ghostbusters”, and I know they said to always say yes if you’re asked you’re a god, but I think you’ve taken this a little too far. I have met gods. You are not like any I have seen before.
Hades: What blasphemy is this? Where is Zeus?
Scott Syren: Zeus won’t be seen again, and we know it’s all because of you, Hades.
~Hades backs up, startled at the anger heard in Syren’s voice~
Hades: What do you mean? I had nothing to do with what happened, I tried to talk him out of such foolishness.
Scott Syren: Exactly. You said it yourself, your loyalties are with Dean. And we’re supposed to believe that you walk away, and then Dean shows up to beat up Zeus and keep him from Operation Zero, and you had nothing to do with it?
~Kobra takes another drink from his beer, as Hades nervously looks back at him, judging whether or not he could get past him. He doesn’t think so, so Hades turns back to Syren~
Hades: I would not have betrayed my brother.
Scott Syren: You used to betray him all the time! I saw all the stories, including that “Hercules” cartoon. I know what you’re about. But it’s all right. We decided to forgive you.
Hades; You did?
Scott Syren: Sure we did. In fact, we got you something. We got you your chance to wrestle again.
Hades: Wrestle? Dean did not mention anything to me about wrestling.
Scott Syren: Call it unofficial. Your ring is right over here.
~Syren points to the side of the boiler room, where green water hoses have been hung between pipes to simulate a ring apron. Standing on the other side are two men. Pryde is wearing a black-and-white shirt, which is supposed to be a referee outfit. The black stripes look drawn on with permanent marker. Perzag is in his wrestling gear, stretching out his arms~
Hades: I think I should get going now, but I am grateful for your offer.
~Syren grabs Hades by the back of the throat and tosses him forward, sending him right through the ‘ropes’, which don’t hold up to the slightest amount of weight. Hades falls down to the ground, at the feet of Perzag. Syren picks up a piece of pipe and bangs it twice against the metal equipment~
Syren: There’s the bell. Let’s see a good fight!
Hood: Oh, hells yeah! Bonus match!
~Hades pulls himself free of the hoses and stands up, but he immediately takes a boot to the stomach from PerZag. With Pryde circling around the two men, PerZag grabs the lighter Hades up and gets an underhook suplex, throwing Hades hard to the concrete floor of the boiler room. Hades holds his head with both arms, with PerZag throwing in some kicks to the exposed ribs. PerZag lifts Hades back up and drops him with a gutbuster, laying him out again~
Hood: PerZag is putting on a clinic!
Smith: This whole match is ridiculous.
Hood: Can’t you just enjoy the carnage?
Smith: This match isn’t supposed to be happening! You know Dean is furious right now!
~PerZag keeps up the offense, putting on an armbar submission hold on Hades. Pryde is there checking but Hades on instinct reaches out and grabs one of the hoses laying next to him. Pryde counts that as getting to the ropes and tells PerZag to let go. PerZag releases it but then steps over Hades and puts on a camel clutch, stretching him. Hades screams but he is still holding the hose, so Pryde does a count to 4 before Perzag breaks the new hold. Hades drops back to the cold ground, tears running down his eyes~
Hood: Two submission holds in a row, but Hades isn’t giving up! He’s got the heart of a champion!
Smith: I’m betting he’s wet himself by now.
Hood: Messing your trunks but staying in a match? That’s a true god of wrestling!
~Hades is now trying to crawl away, looking for a place to hide. He makes it a third of the way under an old desk in the corner before PerZag grabs his legs, holding him up. Hades tries to kick free and holds onto the desk, causing it to scoot with him back a foot or two, but PerZag manages to get him out. PerZag then turns Hades and starts to spin with him, turning it into a giant swing! But there’s not enough space in the boiler room, so Hades instead smashes into the side of an air conditioner, making a loud dent and causing the equipment to start smoking. Pryde moves in and warns PerZag about using ‘weapons’ but Hades looks to be out cold. PerZag goes down for the pin~
1!
2!
~Before Pryde can count three, PerZag lifts Hades up by the head, stopping the count. He sits back, acting like he could not believe that Hades kicked out. He argues with Pryde, who raises his hands and shows Hades how the count was at the right speed~
Hood: It was almost over there, but Hades still has a chance!
Smith: You could clearly see PerZag lift him up!
Hood: I didn’t see that! I a saw a man, nay, a god, fight back against overwhelming odds!
Smith: You know they say the first thing to go is your eyes when all you do is surf porn on the web.
Hood: That’s an old wife’s tale, it would have happened years ago if it was true.
~PerZag slowly pulls the dazed Hades off the ground. Hades is already bleeding from multiple crashes on the concrete. PerZag adds to the damage with a series of rolling German suplexes, throwing him around with no problems. After the last one, PerZag stands up and stares down at Hades, who is barely moving. PerZag shakes his head, declaring that Hades is not worthy. He picks up Hades and puts him in a torture rack, breaking the wrestler’s back across his shoulders. Hades starts tapping rapidly wanting it all to be over. But Pryde is over to the side, with Syren having called him over to complain about the previous pin count having been too slow. The two mock-argue, as the torture of Hades continues~
Hood: Syren is helping Hades! It must be because of their long association together in OCW!
Smith: You have to be kidding me.
Hood: Is there dissention in Operation Zero? Why else would he be distracting the referee?
Smith: Because he’s not ready for the match to be over!
~After a long time in the rack, PerZag drops Hades back to the floor. The wrestler curls up into a fetal position and doesn’t move. PerZag looks back at Pryde and Syren, as they’re now examining Syren’s hand. He seems to be signaling that he has a splinter, thanks to being down in this room. Pryde gets out a small keychain flashlight and they keep looking. PerZag walks over to the side and grabs a folding chair from against the wall. He sets it up and goes to get Hades off the ground. He drags him over to the chair and gives him a DDT into it, crushing the chair underneath Hades’ head. Neither Pryde nor Syren turn around at the loud crash. The only reaction is from Kobra, who is laughing as he goes to get another beer from the cooler sitting next to the door~
Hood: Syren’s distraction just backfired! PerZag was able to take advantage and used that chair brutally! I love this guy!
Smith: How much longer can this farce go on?
Hood: After that hit, Hades can’t have much left.
Smith: He hasn’t had anything for minutes now!
~PerZag pulls Hades free of the chair and pushes it aside, out of the sight of Pryde. They appear to have found the splinter and removed it, as Syren is thanking Pryde for his help. Pryde turns back as PerZag tries to get Hades up. The man’s face is covered in blood from the chair strike. PerZag gets Hades finally into position and takes him over with
The PerZag Perfection, holding onto Hades as Pryde gets there for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~Since Belvedere isn’t in the room, Syren steps forward and reaches up to grab an invisible microphone~
Scott Syren: Here is your winner…PerZag!!!!!
Hood: It’s over! Hades falls! Does that mean PerZag’s the new Greek god of the underworld?
Smith: I am just happy this is over. Any more might have killed the man.
Hood: He’s a god, not a man, Smith. He can take a shitload of abuse and bounce back, you’ll see.
Smith: I don’t know. This might be the last time we see Hades in OCW.
~Pryde and PerZag walk away, with Pryde raising PerZag’s hand in victory. Syren steps over the broken body of Hades and looks down on him.~
Scott Syren: I have to be honest, Hades... that was an extremely poor showing, even for you. Anyway, please file any complaints about the outcome of this match with Dean... he's the one who forced us to take booking into our own hands.
~With that, we cut back to ringside~
Smith: Greek mythology is apparently dead in OCW
Hood: I was never a fan of the Greeks…more of a roman guy, myself…or maybe a Macedonian
Smith: Do you know ANYTHING about Macedonia?
Hood: No, just that Macedonian sounds like Mastodon…which is fucking cool
Smith: Sorry you have to listen to this man, folks…but, good news, our next match is about to begin as Ian Bishop takes on The Lost Soul in a First Blood match
Hood: Go Ian The Bishop!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next match is a First Blood Match!
~”Friday the 13th” theme begins to play as the fans watch Pro Wrestling legend, The Lost Soul make his way to the ring. TLS enters into the ring and stands back, awaiting the arrival of Ian Bishop as his theme comes to an end~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from ???...standing 6’3 and weighing in at 235lbs…The Lost Soul!!!
~”Acid Rain” by Liquid Tension Experiment begins to play as the fans boo the loudest they have all night for the hated ex Central Champion and current de facto leader of The Family, Ian Bishop. Ian emerges carrying a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. He stops halfway down to the ring and points it at TLS. TLS shows no reaction or emotion whatsoever. Ian climbs the steps and enters into the ring~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 235lbs… “Incredible” Ian Bishop!!!
~Belvedere quickly exits as Bishop begins to speak into the microphone~
Ian Bishop: Tonight ladies and gentlemen you shall witness two important, historic events occur! The second event you will see tonight will be momentarily when The Family reveals their final two members and you all begin to give Team Brianna their thoughts and prayers. The first event that you will see right now is the birth of love and commitment. You will see a steel chair, folks, that has a reserved sign, right next to Smith and Hood’s station. When I give her the word, MJ Bell will make her beautiful way down to the ringside area where she will witness the destruction of the Lost Soul as I make him bleed, not just enough to win the match, but enough so he is an inch away from his life.
~TLS continues to show no reaction as Bishop grins and laughs~
Ian Bishop: Sorry TLS… you’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So… without further ado… MJ, would you please come to the ring!
~“Soul Wars” by AWOLNATION blasts throughout the gymnasium as the crowd gets to their feet and cheers for the most charismatic superstar of March! A couple of moments pass by as Bishop begins to look concerned but down plays it as the crowd stirs~
Ian Bishop: I know exactly what you’re doing MJ… hah, you can’t fool me! You’re just putting on that extra make up and working on that wink of yours for me aren’t you? I knew it. Don’t worry, I’ll get to work on TLS first and then you come down soon.
~Bishop drops the microphone and sounds the bell as Ian grabs the bat with both hands and approaches the middle of the ring. TLS just stands there, observing him in a peculiar manner~
Smith: Well, Ian Bishop came prepared
Hood: Ian being Ian and, well, TLS being TLS
Smith: Is he just going to stand there and LET Ian hit him with that bat?
Hood: Maybe that’s REALLY thick face paint and it’s all a big trick…in fact, what the fuck is a painted face guy doing in a first blood match…isn’t that unfair?
Smith: Paint is pretty thin, Hood
Hood: Paint your face a lot?
Smith: Well, no, not since I was a kid…
Hood: Then quit speaking like you’re some kind of face paint expert
~Ian grows agitated by TLS complete lack of fear or concern…he swings wildly at the head of TLS…TLS ducks and Ian slams the barbed wired bat into the top turnbuckle. It gets stuck in the fabric surrounding the turnbuckle. He tries to rip it out, but struggles…this gives TLS the opportunity to knee Ian in the kidney! Ian grabs his kidney in pain and turns around with the bat still stuck in the top turnbuckle. TLS scoops Ian up and drops him to the mat with a bodyslam. TLS then walks into the ropes, ricochets off and drops a leg across the neck of Bishop as the fans begin to rally around the pro wrestling legend~
Smith: Ian Bishop once again acts without thinking…that’s what cost him his feud against Brianna.
Hood: Dude, he was taking a swing at a statue…statues aren’t supposed to move…he got screwed
Smith: We all CLEARLY saw TLS walk to the ring…therefore, him being a statue is completely ridiculous.
Hood: Okay, robot then…a robot who’s battery expired as soon as he entered into the ring
Smith: Whatever
~TLS yanks Bishop to his feet and gives him a swift kick in the gut. Bishop doubles over at TLS hooks him under his arm and lifts him up in the air for a Brainbuster. He holds Bishop up in the air…Bishop, no stranger to a move like this, uses his knee to loosen TLS’ grip by kneeing TLS in the head. Bishop lands on his feet behind TLS and has the head of TLS in his arm…he drops TLS to the mat with a Reverse Neck Breaker as the crowd showers him with boos. After dropping TLS to the ground Bishop scrambles to outside the ring where he grabs a microphone and kicks the empty reserved seat that was meant for MJ~
Ian Bishop: …I don’t get it MJ. What else do you want from me? Don’t you see the condition TLS is in?! He can barely move! I’ve shown you nothing but affection, admiration and support for your career and this is how you repay me, MJ? Making me look like a beast, Bell? Making me look like a fool? I’ll show you how I can be a beast…
~Bishop drops the microphone and grabs the steel chair that MJ was supposed to sit in. He brings it into the ring as he begins to kick TLS violently and then picks him up. Bishop yells in frustration as he flips TLS up and executes a piledriver onto the open steel chair. TLS’ body jumps up from the impact and lands hard on the mat as the fans gasp from such a devastating move~
Smith: Get over yourself, Bishop…just end this match, if you can, and move on…she’s obviously just not that into you.
Hood: No way, man…MJ is all about Ian Bishop…she’s just playing head games with him
Smith: Yea, well, Brianna proved Ian can’t handle female head games
Hood: Ian didn’t want to fuck Brianna…but he does want to fuck MJ
Smith: So?
Hood: Sooo…yea, you’re right, he’s totally fucked
~All of a sudden “Soul Wars” plays again and the crowd erupts for MJ Bell who slowly walks out from the back and near the entrance. Bishop completely takes his focus off of TLS as he straddles the ring ropes with a big smile and begins to move his hand to motion MJ to come to the ring. MJ doesn’t move though as she stands there with her arms crossed and a slight grin as the crowd begins to cheer even more. A look of confusion strikes Bishop’s face as he quickly turns around but TLS knocks Bishop right in the face with the barbed wire wrapped baseball bat~
Smith: MJ has finally showed up and…well, the results appear to be disastrous for Ian Bishop
Hood: I can’t believe it…TLS CAN use his arms!
Smith: Of course he can
Hood: He’s spent so much time on the mat, I began to wonder
~The crowd explodes in chaos as Bishop quickly rolls out of the ring away from the referee with his face buried in his arm. He goes over to the announce table where they have tissues as Bishop kneels down away from the cameras and begins to wipe something away from his face. Scruff follows Bishop as he tries to move Bishop into the view but Bishop won’t budge. Finally Scruff is able to drag Bishop into view and move his arm away to reveal his face a bloody mess! Scruff calls for the bell as the fans scream in joy for the outcome of the match~
Belvedere: And the winner of this match… THE LOST SOUL!!!!!
Smith: Oh my gosh! MJ just screwed Ian!
Hood: No, that’s what Ian wishes would happen…MJ just helped TLS get a win over Ian Bishop
Smith: Turnabouts fair play…Ian distracted MJ at Black Out 2 and now…well, payback is a witch
Hood: Payback is a witch, seriously?
Smith: Hey, witches are pretty mean
~Bishop looks up towards the entrance as MJ Bell stares back at Bishop as she leaves. A “You Suck” chant begins as Bishop looks furious and begins to curse and scream at the fans in attendance. Bishop begins to leave for the back but begins to get heckled by a male MJ Bell fan. Bishop stares into the eyes of the fan as he yells insult into Bishop. Bishop grabs the fan by the collar and shoves him into the ring as the crowd goes from happy to a very silent shock as Bishop puts the fan to his knees and begins to rub the barbed wire baseball bat into his forehead. The fan screams in agony as security runs into the ring and it takes them a couple moments but they finally pry Bishop from the fan who collapses in pain on the mat. Bishop wipes the blood away from his face as the crowd doesn’t know how to react. He rolls out of the ring and with a look of murder on his face. He walks by Canon and stares down at him…you can see Ian debating whether or not to take his anger out on Canon. Canon, meanwhile, shows no concern or worry or any sort of emotion towards Bishop. Bishop, for whatever reason, decides to let it go and he walks to the back as we cut to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Nothing is going right for the former Central Champion…tonight was supposed to be a night where Ian got back on the winning track and, well…
Hood: No shit, maybe this is the start of the resurgence for TLS…I mean, stranger things have happened…right? Maybe? Possibly? Probably not.
Smith: Well, thanks for asking and then now allowing me an opportunity to answer the question
Hood: Eh, nobody gives a fuck what you have to say anyway
Smith: Whatever! Let’s go backstage!
~The screen flashes from black, to a moment of static, back to the image of The Big Bifford outside of Dangerous Dan's home. Bifford is standing next to a large camel~
Bifford: Since the flame thrower didn't work, I have to go with my second plan... Riding this camel into battle. I just happen to always travel with a large trailer containing a camel.. you know... just in case.
~Bifford looks at the large beast and a stage-hand walks in front of the camera and brings Bifford a stepping stool. Bifford climbs the stool and looks at the camel~
Smith: Uh... that camel will hold Bifford's weight, right?
Hood: Um.. oh dear.
~Bifford, not being the most graceful, leaps from the top of the step ladder onto the camel, and a horrible noise is heard by all. The camel opens its mouth and lets out a loud guttural groan and then its legs collapse under it. Bifford lands on top of the heap of beast and suddenly four stage-hands appear on set and begin helping Bifford up~
Bifford: Son of a...
Smith: Well... PETA is about to set up a shanty-village in front of every place we're booked in for the next year...
Hood: Is it dead? I had a buddy that told me camel meat is delicious.
Smith: One can only hope for its sake that it died quickly and painlessly there.
Hood: Um.. you did hear that noise it made, right?
~Bifford, finally getting to his feet shakes his head~
Bifford: This is what I intended to do... I intended to kill this camel on your property, Dangerous Dan. So that you, and Silverfreak, and Ana Archia and Pryde and Brianna can all see my GLORIOUS POWER. I AM THE SLAYER OF CAMELS!
~Bifford raises his hands in the air~
Bifford: Now... you idiots... drag this camel's dead carcass onto Dangerous Dan's lawn. That way every time he looks at his disgusting property, he'll remember me... He'll remember me and my dominance.
~Bifford smiles and laughs as the stagehands drag the large camel's (dead?) body onto the grass in front of the house~
Bifford: And I've got another surprise for you, Dangerous Dan... You might remember my manager from OCW and GCWA, Earl the Popcorn Salesman... well, you might also recall that he died during my run with GCWA. It was a grave shame and we all missed him a lot - I know he always brought a smile to the faces of people like Triple M, Dean, El Linchador, and even Silverfreak, that smug son of a bitch... But anyway, we missed him so much that we've brought him back FROM THE DEAD. Yes. My new manager is EARL THE UNDEAD POPCORN SALESMAN! And now I'm going to release him onto your property so that your wife - if you're married, and your children - if you've been successful in knocking women up, and your inbred cousins and nieces and nephews and brothers and sisters who all likely live in a trailer park they've assembled in your backyard - will BE TURNED INTO ZOMBIES. Your life, Dangerous Dan, is about to become like NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. Zombies will be EVERYWHERE!
~Bifford looks into the sky and raises his arms up and shouts~
Bifford: RELEASE EARL THE UNDEAD POPCORN SALESMAN!
~The camera swings around to show two stagehands opening the back of a large van. A black man, covered in zombie-ish special effects make-up, staggers out of the van. Bifford, in the back ground, is laughing evilly~
Bifford: YES! YES MY ZOMBIE! GO EAT DANGEROUS DAN'S FAMILY!
~The zombie steps out onto the lawn and looks at the house. He takes a few steps towards it, but then changes his direction and begins zombie-running toward the dead camel. Earl dives face-first into the camel's stomach and begins eating it, blood flying everywhere~
Bifford: Oh my... that's... well.. that's... oh dear... that's a lot of camel blood..
~The camera turns to face Bifford again, who looks off-camera toward the camel-eating with a look of distaste~
Bifford: Well that's... that's not going to turn your family into zombies any time soon... because he's got.. a lot of meat to take care of there... So, Dangerous Dan... I'm going to my backup plan.
~Bifford reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small voodoo doll version of Dangerous Dan. He then pulls out a push pin and stabs it into Dan's face~
Bifford: See that Dan? That's what I think of you. Now accept my challenge... or next week I will return to this house and I will do more strange things on your front yard. FIGHT ME DAN, YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.
~Bifford looks ominously into the camera, holding the voodoo doll, as the scene fades back into the arena~
Smith: Hmmm
Hood: If I were Dan, I’d fight the man
Smith: You don’t think a well paid landscaping crew couldn’t repair those damages?
Hood: That’s the thing, nobody here is well paid
Smith: True
Hood: Plus, he had the voodoo doll of death
Smith: I didn’t hear the word death…only voodoo doll
Hood: yea, right, like Biff is really going to reveal the true power of that voodoo doll…but I…I know
Smith: You know nothing, Hood!
~“Voodoo Child” by Jimi Hendrix begins to play and President Dean steps out from behind the curtain. He remains standing on the stage with a microphone in his hand. The crowd quiets down, anxious to hear what he has to say…Dean speaks~
Dean: It’s been a great night thus far filled with tremendous action…action which will ultimately lead to Total Demolition!
~The fans cheer the Pay Per View namedrop~
Dean: As we draw closer to our Pay Per View extravaganza it’s dawned on me there are several questions in need of answering. One of those questions will be answered tonight…if The Family cannot muster the five required combatants for War Games…that match is officially off and, instead, we will witness Brianna Casablancas defend her Central Title against Sean Fuller…Alice Knight will go one on one with Ian Bishop in a number one contenders match for the Southern Title…and Mia Stone will take on Roach.
~The crowd cheers these potentially awesome match ups~
Dean: Also, we witnessed Scott Syren hand the Internet Title over to Kobra. While I’m not a fan of handing titles over…it certainly beats burning them. So, next week Kobra will defend his Internet Title against Jason Xavier in a Street Fight! The winner of that match will defend the Internet Title at Total Demolition against Chad Vargas!
~The crowd shows interest at the mention of Chad Vargas…one of the fast rising stars in OCW at the moment~
Dean: Now…let’s talk Clash at the Coast for a moment…OCW’s Pay Per View event in May. Obviously, there’s going to be a main event at that show…and, obviously, it will be for something ultra cool. So…why not put one piece of the puzzle together at Total Demolition? Exactly, there’s no reason not to…so, at Total Demolition ‘The Ripper’ Danny B will face Scott Syren and the winner will headline Clash at the Coast!
~The crowd goes wild for this announcement and with the idea of Danny B and Scott Syren squaring off on Pay Per View~
Dean: Oh, but OCW friends…there is more. The OCW LightWeight Championship…
~The crowd explodes with excitement…figuratively, of course. They remember the legendary belt and all the tremendous competitors who once held it~
Dean: Well, suckas…IT’S BACK! At Total Demolition, “The Queen of Epicness” Bobbinette Carey will square off against the former OCW World and Tag Team Champion…Curt Canon for the OCW LightWeight Championship…in a Ladder Match!
~Dean pauses as the crowd is cheering with the Pay Per View card finally coming together~
Dean: And, last but certainly not least…Operation Zero’s own…Pryde will defend his Southern Championship against…Kenshin Takamura!
~The biggest ovation of the night is achieved with the fans ecstatic to see their favorite competitor, Kenshin Takamura, receive a title shot against Pryde. Dean nods and smiles~
Dean: Now can you dig that? Suckas!
~”Voodoo Child” by Jimi Hendrix hits as Dean leaves the ramp way and exits back behind the curtain. We focus back on the announce table as Dean’s music dies out~
Smith: Wow, Hood…Dean basically just booked Total Demolition!
Hood: Syren against Danny B…Curt Canon against Bobbinette Carey…the winner of Kobra and Jason Xavier against Chad Vargas…Kenshin against Pryde…fucking, shit man…good looking lineup
Smith: And, lest we not forget…all headlined by War Games
Hood: Lest? You fucking weirdo
Smith: Sorry…it just kinda happened…but, seriously…WHY is Dean booking Syren in a match where the winner HEADLINES Clash at the Coast…Syren has been making his life a living hell…
Hood: Dean is no dumbass…so…one of two reasons I can think of…either Dean is trying to appease Syren to ease the shenanigans which have obviously been plaguing OCW as of late….OR…the more likely scenario…Dean’s got an ace up his sleeve and Syren is walking into a trap
Smith: Hmm…logical and sound thinking…nice, Hood
Hood: When it comes to fucking people over…my mind is usually spot on
Smith: Indeed
~We cut backstage where Kenshin Takamura is seen seated in a chair with his back to us. The room is dimly lit. Suddenly, a giant roided up arm reaches up from behind him and carefully places a mask and mustache on Kenshin’s head. The roided up arm then twirls the chair around as Kenshin is now dressed in the Not President Dean attire. A voice yells out~
Voice: There he is! The man who single handedly fired our potential brother, Zeus…let’s get him!
~Kobra and PerZag rush into the screen and they start to punch Kenshin in the face over and over while he remains seated in the chair. It becomes obvious that Kenshin was already unconscious before this started. We zoom in and see twist ties around his wrist, keeping him in the chair. After repeated blows to Kenshin’s face and previously broken nose, we see it’s crooked again…blood oozes out of it. Kobra stands back and looks at PerZag~
Kobra: Oh…so what is this, Not President Dean…you think you’re too good to stand up and face us…man to man?
PerZag: I think that’s exactly what it is…he has us on his Not Worthy List…
Kobra: Cocky mother fucker…stand up! Stand up and fight!
~The same roided up arm slowly reaches in from the darkness with a pair of scissors…it quickly severs both twist ties around Kenshin’s wrists. Tossing the scissors aside, the roided up arm reaches up, we see a skinny rope...the hand grabs the skinny rope. Pryde suddenly enters and steps up, in between PerZag and Kobra, standing in front of them. The hand then yanks down on the skinny rope…we suddenly notice rope tied around Kenshin’s shoulders…as the hand pulls down on the rope, Kenshin is pulled up from the chair to where it kind of looks like he’s standing~
Kobra: Oh, I see…it’s a masked thing…Pryde, he’s all yours
~Pryde throws a roundhouse kick into Kenshin’s face…the roided up arm strains, but maintains its firm grip on the rope. Pryde then walks up, grabs Kenshin’s bad arm, he yanks Kenshin to the ground as the roided up arm releases the rope. Kenshin hits hard. Pryde takes Kenshin’s arm and he yanks it back, out of socket! Pryde then tosses the limp arm to the floor, staring down at Kenshin~
Kobra: That’s what you get, Not President Dean
PerZag: Who’s Not Worthy now?
~Pryde exits into the darkness, quickly followed by Kobra and PerZag…we cut back to ringsde~
Smith: Just when you think Kenshin Takamura may be over his injuries…along comes Operation Zero and they reinjure him all over again
Hood: Hold the fucking phone, are you saying the Clark Kent was…
Smith: Oh for the love of Pete
Hood: Pete…are you starring in a movie with the Pornstar?
Smith: Hah, in your dreams!
Hood: The fuck you just say about my sexual orientation?
Smith: Uh, nothing..let’s go down to ringside for our next match!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next match is scheduled for one fall…
~"Remember the Name" by Fort Minor begins to play as "The Next Generation God" K. Carlton Davison III walks out to the entrance way. He pauses as he looks around at the crowd and a look of disgust crosses his face. He walks down the aisle with a slight limp. About halfway down, Davison pauses to adjust his shin guard before continuing down the aisle. Davison gets to the end of the aisle and slides in, posing in the center of the ring with his arms out to his sides. The arena lights go down with the exception of the spotlight focused on Davison. A red laser circles the arena before centering on the center of Davison's forehead. Davison closes his eyes and suddenly the sound of a gunshot explodes through out the arena, cutting off both the spotlight and the music. The arena lighting slowly comes up, with Davison still standing in the center of the ring with his arms extended~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Loveladies, New Jersey…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 207 lbs…K. Carlton Davison III…KC3!!!
~”The Leaving Song – Part 2” by AFI hits and the crowd begins to cheer as the rising star in OCW, Brian Cady, makes his way to the ring. He slides in under the bottom rope and appears ready for the match~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Albany, New York, standing 6’4 and weighing in at 225lbs… “The Mad Genius” Brian Cady!!!
~Belvedere exits the ring and sounds the bell as this match is officially underway~
Smith: Interesting match here, Hood…these two gentlemen entered into OCW at the same time…both have shown promise and, tonight, one will rise above the other.
Hood: Gentlemen? When did we start hiring those fags?
Smith: Hey, watch the ‘f’ word
Hood: Huh? I say fuck all the time…is this because fucking ‘gentlemen’ are supposedly in our ring...if so, fuck that
Smith: Ugh, nevermind
~Cady and KC3 quickly lock up with Cady showing his strength and size advantage by bullying KC3 back into a corner. Scruff gets in the middle, forcing a break…as he does, KC3 lunges forward, headbutting Cady! Cady staggers back, holding his forehead in pain. KC3 runs out of the corner and drops Cady with an elbow to the head! Cady falls back, holding his head in pain. KC3 starts to stomp on Cady’s head as Cady quickly rolls out of the ring, looking to protect the most important part of his body~
Smith: KC3 going right after Cady’s head
Hood: In a non gay fashion, of course…need to keep our audience from wondering, after all.
Smith: What’s with the gay stuff, Hood
Hood: I guess the gentlemen thing threw me off…but, seriously, when you talk about a man going after another man’s head…I believe some clarification is warranted.
Smith: Only for sick minded people like yourself
~KC3 watches Cady pace around the ring…he steps towards the ropes and throws a kick at Cady’s head…Cady, though, catches KC3’s leg and he yanks KC3 to the mat! The crowd cheers, getting behind Cady. Cady yanks KC3 out of the ring and nails him with a forearm uppercut! KC3 staggers back against the steps and ring post. Cady rushes in but KC3 moves! Cady’s lower body slams into the steps as he flips over them, landing on the gym floor hard! He arches his back in pain~
Smith: Cady got a bit overeager out there and it cost him
Hood: Well, yea, he probably got sick of all the head action KC3 was giving him
Smith: Will you stop it with the innuendos!
Hood: Hey, you started it with all your head shit
~KC3 yanks Cady to his feet and slams Cady’s head into the steel ring steps. Cady falls to one knee, holding his head in pain…Scruff yells at KC3 from inside the ring. KC3 throws his arms in the air and nods to whatever Scruff is telling him. KC3 grabs Cady and rolls him into the ring. KC3 hops on the ring apron as Cady gets to his feet inside the ring. KC3 jumps onto the top rope, jumps off and knees Cady in the head!! Cady falls back and KC3 goes for a pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Close but no cigar
Hood: Oh, cigars, huh? Is that some kind of phallic thing…like he’s gonna smoke a dick?
Smith: Please, don’t go down that road
Hood: Smoking dicks, Smith…is that where you want this to go….SMOKING DICKS?
Smith: No! For once, I’d just like to sit here and call a professional wrestling match
Hood: We both know that shit ain’t happening
Smith: I know…
~KC3 gets to his feet and he pulls Cady to his…he hooks Cady for a DDT but Cady fights back with several punches into KC3’s rib cage. KC3 loosens his grip as Cady frees himself and stands upright. He knees KC3 in the gut, hooks him, lifts him up and drops KC3 with a piledriver in the middle of the ring! Cady gets to his feet and walks into a nearby corner where he rubs his head, obviously feeling the effects from KC3’s assault~
Smith: Cady is massaging his…umm…cranial structure due to the pain it’s received.
Hood: Oh, so his head?
Smith: Are you kidding me? Yes, he’s rubbing his head
Hood: Fucking gross man!
~KC3 gets to his feet, wobbling around with his back to Cady. Cady rushes in and knees KC3 in the back…KC3 stumbles forward into the corner and this front first…he staggers back and Cady hooks him for a Full Nelson…he then lifts KC3 up and over, slamming him with a Full Nelson Suplex and holding on for the pin combo…Scruff slides in for the count~
Hades (0-2) vs. PerZag (2-1)
”Incredible” Ian Bishop (3-3) vs. The Lost Soul (1-3)