LIVE! June 20th 2022
FROM FROM Nassau Coliseum
In Uniondale, New York
~Fireworks shoot off as our screen opens up to the Nassau Coliseum, in Uniondale, New York. The camera pans around the arena, panning past all of the Islander’s banners hanging from the ceiling and showing thousands of screaming fans before finally settling at our announce desk with Jones and Hood.~
Jones: Welcome everyone to Monday Night Massacre! Today is Monday, June 20th 2022.
Hood: THE YEAR OF OUR SAVIORS THADDEUS AND SAHARA DUKE 2022! AMEN!
Jones: Is this going to be a recurring bit?
Hood: A bit? Jones, you should be ecstatic. We have THAD IN THE BUILDING TONIGHT! He’s even got an announcement about the Prison Yard Match next week!
Jones: Amazingly my cohost did spout something that has truth to it. That’s right, Reformation is right around the corner, and we have a stacked card for you in Lancaster. Plethora takes on The Lost Stranger for the World Heavyweight Championship.
Hood: In Lancaster? WE HAVE A STACKED CARD TONIGHT!
SNARE DRUM AND GUITAR TIME BITCHES!
~An American flag starts to wave across the screen as the opening to John ‘Cougar’ Mellencamp’s ‘Rain On The Scarecrow’ fills the arena. An image of Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s car flies across he screen as Garry ‘Ray-Ray’ Nelson dances out onto the stage. Wearing an American flag romper that is clearly too short for him, he shakes his head and dances to his entrance music.~
Hood: YES THIS IDIOT AGAIN!
Jones: Garry ‘Ray-Ray’ Nelson will be competing in the very same match Thad has an announcement about.
Hood: PUT SAHARA IN IT!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
~Ray-Ray doesn’t give a fuck about the scumbag fans of New York booing, and continues to strut his stuff right down the entrance ramp. He pauses at an elderly woman and literally shakes his junk in her face and continues on down the ramp. Garbage starts to fly in the Nassau Coliseum like the Penguins are in town and Crosby just scored. Ray-Ray calls for a microphone, and beams his megawatt smile out at the crowd. It just causes more garbage to fly.~
Garry Ray-Ray Nelson: HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO STAAAAAAATEEEEN IIIIIIISSSSSLLLLAAAAAAANNNNNDDDDDD!
BOOOOOOOOO!
GRRN: Thank you so much for the ovation, and all these cans will go a long way ta gettin’ Jace and I to Lancaster if Thad doesn’t pay for a limo. Thank you for the donations.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!
GRRN: Listen, even if we’re outside of New York, it’s still fuckin’ New York, amiright or amiright?
Hood: I just heard someone buy a beer to throw at him. They paid $17.50 to try to hit this man in the face with a beer.
Jones: That one at least came close.
~The megawatt smile is still beaming, in case you forgot.~
GRRN: Now I’m sure ya’ll want me ta come out and talk ‘bout that there Prison Yard Match. Wantin’ me ta make a bunch of insults and get myself canceled. But that ain’t ol’ Ray-Ray. Naa, no sirie. We got a WHOLE other issue goin’ on, and I’m comin’ out here ta address the issue. We’re gonna address it right here and right now, someone important pretend like ya watch the show, and don’t ya dare mute this.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~!
GRRN: I’m out here today ta warn everyone of a great peril affectin’ our beautiful nation and it ain’t six dollar a gallon gas I’ll tell ya that much.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
GRRN: I’m out here tonight ta warn ya of the greatest, most devious evil. Ya think identity theft from Russia is bad? At least ya can get some sweet plane tickets from Moscow ta like Siberia or somethin’.
Hood: That’s a real problem you know that, Jones?
Jones: I hate you.
~The crowd looks around confused.~
GRRN: It ain’t the pretend tech support that needs ta have ya update yer windows license for $99.99, and it ain’t even Billy down at Zibaldi’s GMC-CHEVY-BUICK, he’s a good feller and gave me a discount for sayin’ that.
BOOOOOOOOO!
GRRN: The great peril facin’ this fantastic, wonderful, beautiful land of milk and honey that we all love. A land I would have fought for if I wasn’t disqualified from service cause my hands don’t fit in a M16. Is….
Jones: This might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.
Hood: Absolutely, it’s like a car crash. Ha, get it, Crash?
Jones: Why are you saying Crash so much?
Hood: He works here and doesn’t watch the shows, just watches at x32 speed, but he has this way to only hear the name Crash.
Jones: That’s an odd superpower, hearing the name ‘Crash’ at warpspeed.
Hood: And now I topped you, I’ve seen stupider things than this segment, and talked about it on television.
~Ray-Ray stands in the ring looking down at Hood and Jones, the expression on his face is very annoyed.~
GRRN: Thank you, I’ll send Crash a postcard the next time he’s relevant ta my interests. AAAAAAAANNNNNYYYYYYWWWWWWAAAAAAY~!
BOOOOOOOOO!
GRRN: Listen up ya big horn sheep lookin’, New York scumbags. THERE IS SOMETHIN’ OUT HERE IN THE WORLD THAT REFUSES TA BE UGLY LIKE YOOOOOUUUUU! And Jay-Z.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!
GRRN: SHAPESHIFTERS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ARE AMONG US! LOOK AT THE SCREEN!
~The OCWTron roars to life, yes it roars, the thing was probably made in 1974 and we employ Crash Rodriguez strictly because he knows how to operate the technology. Thad, you can’t fire him. He’s important. #SAVE CRASH! Gimme a #SAVECRASH if you actually read the entire show in the reviews. Anyway, the fucking tron is smoking and whirring to life like it’s out of some type of Steam Punk cartoon. Finally on one side we see the three photos of Sebastian Stone. Each vastly different in appearance.~
GRRN: THIS IS MY OPPONENT Y’ALL! A MAN OF A MILLION FACES! I’m fightin’ the most dangerous opponent in the entire world. He could look like my Grandma, he could look like my Pappy, he could look like you!
~Garry points into the camera, he’s talking about you. Yeah, you, you fucking dickhead. Crash, can you help these people? Thanks buddy.~
GRRN: So I, one Garry ‘Ray-Ray’ Nelson the fourth of his name from Nelson County, Kentucky vow, that I will destroy the shapeshifter. I will take the man down, I will beat him around in a steel cage. Thank you Thad, I know you know, that’s why you did this in a cage. ‘Cause he can’t run away and confuse me.
DUUUUUUU?
GRRN: Today New York, I become yer hero. I become an Avenger, I will vanquish our vile super-natural foe in the center of this here ring. NO PROBLEMO! ‘Cause that shapeshiftin’ son of a bitch. STOLE.MY.MOTHERFUCKIN.CAMARO.
~Ray-Ray is seething angry as he looks into the camera. Someone was watching this while driving and may have CRASHed their car. We’re unsure if that actually happened. #SAVECRASH~
GRRN: With the help of the man up stairs.
~Ray-Ray points to the luxury boxes~
GRRN: And this steel cage he has provided.
~Ray-Ray points to the steel cage.~
GRRN: Sebastian Stone, I will vanquish thee in the center of this god damn ring tonight! RAISE HELL PRAISE DALE! HELL YEA BROTHER!
~Ray-Ray spikes the microphone and starts dancing up the ramp with less garbage being thrown at him than before. That was nice, that was a success. Hi Crash <3.~
Jones: And back to Massacre.
Hood: That might actually beat the warpspeed hearing thing Crash, just a heads up…
~Massacre goes elsewhere~
“Scarecrow on a wooden cross,
Blackbird in the barn,
400 empty acres that used to be my farm”
~The scene cuts to the exterior of the Nassau Coliseum. Fans are still entering the building and working their way through security while others are in line buying up the few remaining tickets. In the hustle and bustle we transition to the ticket line focusing on three men who are next in line. The man in front, the leader of the group… The Somalien. His hair is cut short and his face cleanly shaven. He’s wearing a red and white camp shirt and jeans. The other two men whom we now know to be Warsame and Yasir, are slightly taller, each wearing a black OCW shirt and jeans. Warsame has his hair in corn rows while Yasir is bald with a short black beard.~
Warsame: Haddaba waa maxay qorshuhu?
(So what is the plan?)
~The Somalien raises a finger to his lips to indicate to Warsame to be quiet.~
The Somalien: English. We do not need to attract any unnecessary attention to ourselves.
~Warsame pauses for a moment, gathering his thoughts.~
Warsame: What, what…is the…plan?
The Somalien: We are here to gather information. Amick Dogeron—
~Two teenage kids walk by and stop, hearing Amick’s name.~
Teenager #1: Amick Dogeron!!! Woooo!! Let’s go!
Teenager #2: No way bro! Dylan Thomas all the way!
~The two continue arguing, much to the displeasure of The Somalien, though they thankfully walk away soon enough.~
The Somalien: Amick will be in this building. We will watch for him, and when we see him, we will document his every move. We will find his weaknesses.
Yasir: We will…kill?
The Somalien: No, Yasir. There will be no killing today. No violence of any kind. This Amick has taken the lives of three of our friends. Burhaan, my brother, is in a coma. So, no Yasir, there will be no killing. Death is too good for Amick Dogeron.
Warsame: No kill?
The Somalien: He will die soon enough. But we will make him bleed. We will make him suffer. We will strip him of everything he holds dear in his life. And then…he will die.
~The ticket line moves as those in front of the group walk away.~
Ticket Lady: Next!
~The Somali contingent walk up to the booth.~
Ticket Lady: How can I help you?
The Somalien: Three tickets…as close to the action as you can get.
~We cut to commercial~
~Yellowjacket and The Dirtbag Kid are in the ring facing each other, preparing to do battle~
Hood: This should be a good opening match!
Jones: What the hell are they doing here?
~The crowd has started to boo, mixed with a few cheers, as Killa Kali, TLS, She-LS, Playboy G and Lady Rage come walking down the ring. Lady Rage is pushing Mike Zybala down in his wheelchair and he seems to be trying to argue with the others~
Hood: Things just got interesting eh Jonesy?
Jones: No it did not? What the hell is that Killa Kali and She-LS are carrying?
~Killa Kali, TLS, SHE-LS and Playboy G have surrounded the ring. Yellow Jacket and The dirtbag kid are standing back to back as the four leap up on the apron on all four sides of the ring~
Mike Zybala: Kali! Not the taser!! Dammit, She, not the barbed wire kendo stick!!!
~Inside the ring, Killa Kali has tased Yellowjacket, who is now writhing in pain on the ground. SHE-LS cracks the Dirtbag Kid over the head with the barbed wire kendo stick. Dropping it, SHE-LS climbs one corner to the top while Playboy G climbs the other. Playboy G points at Mike Zybala~
Playboy G: This is for you buddy!
~Inside the ring, TLS grabs the Dirtbag Kid and Irish whips him off the ropes. Killa Kali grabs him for a flapjack while TLS hits the cutter~
Hood: 3d! 3D! PTSD hit the 3d on the Dirtbag Kid!
Jones: What are those other two lunatics doing?
~Playboy G jumps, landing a leg drop across the throat of the Dirtbag Kid while SHE-LS lands a 450 splash. The crowd continues to boo~
Hood: That’s what PTSD calls “You’ve Been Traumatized”!
Jones: I guess Playboy G is standing in for the injured Mike Zybala.
~The four leave the ring and head for some empty seats ringside. As security tries to send them back, Killa Kali pulls out several tickets and hands it to security, who has no choice but to let them stay~
Jones: Well that's just GREAT. Not only did these lunatics RUIN the debut of Yellowjacket
Hood: Hey, don't forget about Dirtbag Kid.
Jones: Him too. Not only did they ruin that match...now they're going to sit at ringside? As if that won't mess with the minds of each competitor that comes out next.
Hood: Hey, gotta be stronger than that. Plus, they bought those tickets, man. FAIR GAME
Jones: Yea, well I'm not a fan.
Hood: You know what Kali says to fans...FUCK EM
Jones: Ugh, whatever.
~We cut back to the ring, now set up with the extremely comfortable office chair, the multicolored stained couch and Crash's desk. The crowd is on the edge of their seats, ready to tune into the next exciting edition of the Crash Report, when "No Love" by The Death Grips begins to pound over the PA system. Crash Rodroguez hits the stage, making his way down to the ring. He steps through the ropes, and takes his seat. A few moments of silence, as Crash looks around his desk for something~
Louis Pohl: Looking for this?
~Crash's attention turns to the stage where he sees his representation with mic in hand, and a baby in one of those front-backpack child carriers. Crash smiles as Lou and the baby make their way into the ring, before handing over the mic~
Crash: Do you guys see this? Lou, once again saving the day, and allowing me to bring you another captivating episode of the most important in-ring talk show ever seen in OCW history!
~The crowd becomes unglued from their seats, roaring in anticipation~
Crash: Tonight, we have the first ever returning guest. I know what you're all thinking. Who could possibly be the first ever repeat guest? WELL… None other than the first guest in Crash Report history, also known as the career ending dragon, Botchamania's favorite wrestler, Easton Alexander!!!
~Maniac hits as the crowd turn to face the stage, Easton walks out and acknowledges the crowd's positive reaction, there so lights and no pyro, he seems to be all business as he strolls down the ramp and hops onto the apron, he looks and Crash and mouths “career ending?” Crash just nods and motions for him to step through the ropes. As Easton makes his way to the disease-infested couch, while watching Lou and the baby with a look of confusion~
Easton: I-is that a baby?
Crash: Don’t look at him. He’ll cry. He really doesn’t like ugly faces, but please take a seat.
Easton: Come on man, don’t make me sit on that couch again, I had to burn my clothes last time.
Crash: Ok well, then I guess it’s time we pack up and head out Lou. Easton doesn’t wanna play, so let’s just cut our losses. Hope you all enjoyed the show.
~Crash begins to stand up, adjusting the neck of his suit, as he prepares to head out~
Easton: Wait! Fine, I’ll take a seat.
~Easton plants himself on the couch~
Crash: Ah, yes, very good. You guys see, Easton isn’t such a bad guy. Sure he may have ended a promising career recently…
Easton: But?
Crash: But what?
Easton: It just seemed like you were gonna say something positive.
Crash: Oh, no. No, I said what I wanted. Thank you though. Now this is rather odd, usually Lou finds the guest, but this week you asked to be on. So pray tell, why?
Easton: You make it almost impossible to get a decent word in, you know that? All I wanted to do was have a halfway decent conversation, and the only choice you gave me was to do it in front of these people… here in New York.
~The easily amused crowd shakes the arena at the mere mention of their home city, as Lou rolls his eyes~
Easton: But the fact of the matter is this… losing to you at Big Game Hunting has been eating me up from the inside for the better part of the month, i hate thinking about it because I thought I was the better man… from the bottom of my heart that's what i felt. And for weeks after i had so much hatred for you, and for everything you stood for, in my eyes you were nothing more than scum… and then i checked my phone and saw the day before the match you sent me a message, do you remember what you said?
Crash: Easty, my buddy, my pal, I don't think these great people of New York…
~The crowd boos as Louis Pohl claps his hand, trying to soak up some of that sweet cheap pop action for himself~
Crash: want to hear about your private life, this is the Crash Report, the greatest talk show in the history of OCW, we actually want people to watch this show. Lou could you grab the speakers, let's do some KARAO-
~Easton jumps out of his chair~
Easton: Crash could you fucking listen to me! For once just listen! You said that I made you choose violence, you said I drove you to go down that route, you said people don't care who wins or lose’s… but you also said that all you wanted was to be friends… so i just want to ask you a single question man.
~Crash stands up from his host's chair and stands in front of the raging Dragon~
Easton: Did you mean it, any of it?
~Easton hands Crash the microphone, Crash holds it in front of him, as his eyes fall on his son. The smile that was once very present, has dissipated into a look of seriousness~
Crash: You may not have believed it, but I have always looked to you as a friend. Similar Souls… So you ask me, did I mean it? Every… Single… Word…
Easton: Then shake my hand.
~Easton offers his hand to Crash. The Crooked Man stares at the hand of the Canadian Dragon, a look of disgust on his face. Lou shakes his head in disapproval~
Easton: If you really meant it, then shake my hand.
~Lou covers the child’s eyes as Crash shakes Easton’s hand~
Jones: That’s a sight I’d never thought I’d see.
Hood: What, Crash about to double cross somebody?
Jones: A double-cross? This is a sign of respect.
Hood: I didn’t think you would be dumber than Smith.
Crash: See, my friend. I respect you. I care about you. I hope you see that everything I’ve done, the pinning you on the island, the smashing your face with the bottle, the putting you through this desk, and even that time I left you a bloody mess… It was all because I truly care about you.
~The crowd erupts, resulting in a mixture of cheers and boos reverberating around the arena~
Crash: Can we do Karaoke now?
~Easton smiles as he sits down on the couch~
Easton: Of course, pal.
Crash: Okay, I’m sure you know this song, I’m gonna play it, you start, I’ll jump in ok.
Easton: Sounds easy enough
Crash: Cue the music!
~Some generic top 15 song begins to play through the arena, Easton is at first taken aback, but decides to go ahead with it. The song starts to build up getting to the start of the lyrics, Easton starts to get himself ready before Crash’s phone beeps~
Crash: I wonder who that could be.
Easton: are you serious right now?
Crash: Easton my good friend i am very sorry…
~Crash signals for the music to stop, and as the music comes to an end he grabs the child carrier and exits the ring~
Crash: I unfortunately have a flight to catch and we used all of our time ironing out our differences so… no Karaoke tonight, maybe next time.
~Easton puts the mic down as the crowd groans. Crash and lou make their way up the ramp and to the back~
Easton: Well… Thanks for having me I guess…
~Easton exits the ring, and as he makes his way up the ramp he takes some time to high five some fans~
~We cut to an earlier in the day segment at a local Barnes and Nobles. It is a book signing for Will Gardner. People line up to get their favorite novels signed by the literary superstar. Will's head pops up when he hears someone call his name. An over eager fan most likely. He goes back to signing books and shaking hands, when again...~
??: WILL GARDNER!
~Will looks up as does the two off duty police officers he has hired as security. A man on crutches hobbles to the front, waving a copy of "A Cult Inheritance" while pushing past people. It's Mike Zybala! Fear flashes over Will's face.~
Will: You!! What part of 500 feet at all times don't you understand, you nut?!
Zybala: Will! I love your stories! Just sign the book!
~Will visibly backs away from the encroaching Zybala. The two officers leap from behind the table and tackle Zybala to the floor! They get up and grab Zybala on each side and start to drag him away as he waves his book frantically~
Zybala: WILL!! WIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL!!
~We cut back to Hood and Jones~
Hood: Well then... What a lunatic.
Jones: To be fair, Mr. Gardner is a wonderful writer.
Hood: He is, but not enough to break a restraining order.
Jones: Zybala seems to differ.
~John Goldenson and Hades have made their way into the ring. The two men are starting to grapple with each other when Killa Kali, TLS and SHE-LS jump over the guard rails and slide into the ring~
Hood: Damn, PTSD seems like they are on a mission!
Jones: No no no! Get them out of there. Let the wrestlers wrestle?
Hood: You think they are doing Thads work and ridding OCW of the enhancement talent?
Inside the ring, like a pack of hyenas, Killa Kali, TLS and She-LS are kicking and punching the two helpless men. SHE-LS hits both men with the barbed wire kendo stick while Killa Kali and TLS stomp them. Rolling John Goldenson out of the ring, Killa Kali picks up Hades like he’s going for the last ride. TLS climbs up on the top rope and executes a flawless clothesline while Killa Kali powerbombs Hades. SHE-LS bounces of the ropes and does a flipping leg drop with the barbed wire kendo stick hitting the sternum while she lands perfectly on his neck. The three exchange high fives as they leave the ring. From ringside, Mike Zybala is trying to talk sense into them~
Mike Zybala: Guys, is this really necessary.
Lady Rage: Of course it is Mikey
Killa Kali: They looked at me funny. Hey, lets watch SHE-LS beat the crap outta this next guy.
~The members of PTSD return to their paid-for seats. Scruff looks at the carnage in the ring like, "Seriously?" He motions for some OCW personnel to get Goldenson and Hades out of the ring. The fans boo. Kali laughs and tells them all to 'FUCK OFF.'~
Jones: Another match ruined! Another newcomer with a bright future screwed over by Killa Kali and PTSD.
Hood: Oh calm down. You really think a guy named GOLDENSON was gonna amount to anything in OCW? You need to wake up.
Jones: It would have been nice if he'd been given a shot.
Hood: He was, he could've fought PTSD off.
Jones: Yea, right.
Hood: Syren would have.
Jones: Syren's fueled by years of steroid and crack abuse. That's a little different. Anyway, these menaces remain at ringside for the time being.
Hood: I predict they'll allow the next match to happen.
Jones: Let's hope so. We're almost an hour into this show and we haven't had one legit match yet.
Hood: Ah, feels like the old days.
~The camera cuts to the A-List locker room where Dylan is lifting a few weights and Lissandra is counting along. Dylan smirks when he notices the camera~
Dylan: Well, well… I was wondering when you guys would show up. So I guess this is where you want me to say how much I’m going to hurt and maim Jace Parker Davison - is that it? Is that what you wanna see? Well it’s true, I AM going to hurt JPD at Reformation… But he didn’t do anything that I wouldn’t have done in his position.
~Dylan puts down the weights and walks towards the camera with a knowing smile~
Dylan: Look, I get it. The match is for the SAVAGE championship, so JPD was just showing everyone how ‘savage’ he could be right? Well JPD there’s an old adage that works well in our situation. ‘A Wolf Does Not Turn Around When The Small Dog Barks’.
~Dylan’s expression turns serious~
Dylan: You may have gotten the best of me last week but I promise you, at Reformation when we lock eye to eye, that is not happening again. And to you, Amick Dogeron……take my advice: watch your back. This war is far from over.
SHE-LS (0-0) vs. Lobster Mobster (0-3)
~Lobster Mobster is in the ring looking like a lobster that thinks he’s a mobster~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring...The Lobster Mobster!
Jones: Lobster Mobster back in action.
Hood: And, potentially for the final time.
Belvedere: And, it’s opponent…
~The lights in the arena go out, rorschach symbols lighting up the crowd and ring sporadically as "Rise of the Valkyrie" begins to play.~
Belvedere: Introducing next... Representing PTSD...
~The symbols speed up.~
Belvedere: hailing from the Shadowed Halls of OCW... SHE-LS!
~ The lights come back up and SHE-LS stands in the middle of the ring, awaiting the match bell.~
Jones: The newest member of PTSD...another masked person.
Hood: The last one revealed itself to be Killa Kali. Do you think this might be...TITAN 3?
Jones: Not unless Titan 3 shrunk, considerably.
Hood: Well, people do reportedly shrink when they age, so…
~Belvedere exits and the bell sounds~
Jones: SHE-LS I’m sure is looking to win her debut outing.
Hood: IF it’s a her.
Jones: Look, she’s clearly chosen the particular pronoun to self identify.
Hood: Ya know, I’m a huge fan of social movements...especially the vocal usage of pronouns.
Jones: Wow, that’s really progressive, Hood.
Hood: Because, to be honest, before all this….I honestly didn’t know what the fuck a pronoun was.
Jones: Should’ve known.
~The Lobster Mobster slings its tommy gun around at SHE-LS. Why he has one and how it made it into the ring AND beyond the bell is beyond us...but we’ll go with CLASSIC OCW, BABY. But, he slings it around to blow SHE-LS away…luckily, SHE-LS is smart and Lobster Mobster is dumb...so she ducks the gun, spins around behind him and rolls him up with a schoolboy...or schoolgirl! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...SHE-LS!!!!!
Jones: Easy win for SHE-LS!
Hood: When faced with a lethal weapon, SHE-LS had the option of fight or flight...she fought and she won.
Jones: PTSD continues to look strong
~SHE-LS is standing victorious over the Lobster Monster when she signals her stable mates to come in the ring. Killa Kali and TLS slide into the ring, despite Mikey Zybalas protests. SHE-LS grabs Lobster Monster by the hair and tosses him to Killa Kali. He and TLS do a double reverse choke bomb, landing Lobster Monster on the ground. SHE-LS runs over and gives him a punt to the head as he tries to raise up. As they leave the ring, Killa Kali holds up a hand and points at it, mouthing “That’s 5”~
Hood: What do you think he meant by that?
Jones: Your guess is as good as mine. They’ve attacked five people now? Someone needs to stop them. Where’s Thad?
Hood: I dunno...I'm guessing Thad couldn't care less. He's not a fan of these NPC matches anyway. Perhaps he sees this as an opportunity to spike ratings. Although...the insubordination will be addressed, I'm sure.
Dangerous Dan (c) (5-2) vs. Debris (0-5)
~Debris is in the ring throwing trash around, sadly. There is no Vortex to spin around and complete the act. Scruff kicks the trash out of the ring, keeping the mat clean from...you guessed it, Debris’ DEBRIS~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall...currently in the ring, Debris!!!
~Debris just kinda nods. The fans give him a larger than usual ovation realizing tonight could be his FINAL NIGHT in the company~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~he lights go out as a strobe of red and blue begin flashing across the arena~
"I wake up to the sounds of the silence that allows
Tell you you're the greatest
~Dan, accompanied by Chris, slowly walks onto the stage. He glances over the crowd both to his left and right~
"Oh, the misery
~Dan slowly begins making his way down towards the ring with Chris following behind~
"Everybody wants to be my enemy
~Dan acknowledges several fans at ringside, smiling and embracing the crowd, though ensuring that his emotions are in check as well~
"Your words up on the wall as you're praying for my fall
~Dan now climbs the steps and heads up to the turnbuckle. He raises his arms in a Randy Orton-esque manner~
"Oh, the misery
~He turns to look at his opponent and lip syncs "My enemy (look, look, look, look) (Look out for yourself) enemy ..." from his theme song lyrics~
~Dan slowly climbs down the turnbuckle and stands in the middle of the ring, as the lights dim and a spotlight shines on him. He falls to his knees, glares up at the ceiling and takes in the cheers from the crowd~
~The spotlight fades out as the chorus of "Enemy" repeats. Dan stands to his feet and takes his corner waiting for the bell to ring~
Belvedere: From Smithville, Tennessee...standing 5’11 and weighing in at 225lbs...he is the OCW TransAtlantic Champion...he is...Dangerous Dan!!!
~Dan hands the TA Title over to Belvedere, who exits with the belt. The bell sounds and we’re underway~
Jones: And here we go! Dangerous Dan wrestling on Massacre...this doesn’t happen very often!
Hood: Dude’s looking for a tune up before he defends against CYPH3R on Sunday. Can ya blame him? CYPH3R is the most dangerous wrestler on the roster.
Jones: He’s certainly the hottest wrestler on the roster.
Hood: I think he’s spoken for, Jones.
Jones: You know what I mean!
~Debris walks up to Dan and he reaches into his pocket, throwing some trash at Dan! Dan dodges the trash and looks at Debris as if to say, “Seriously? You’re throwing trash at me?” So, Dan responds by lunging forward with a HUGE Superkick! The ENDD is Near!!!! Debris goes stiff, falling backward and hitting the mat. Dan heads for the nearest corner~
Jones: Wow! Dan nearly took his head off!
Hood: Well, don’t throw trash at a man with the word ‘dangerous’ in his name. Should be kinda obvious.
Jones: He was just living the gimmick, Hood.
Hood: I guess.
~Dan scales the corner with ease...despite his age, this man can still move. He reaches the top, he looks down at Debris and he leaps off with a picture perfect Swanton Bomb!!! THE ENDD!!!! The ring shakes from impact! Dan makes the cover...Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...the TransAtlantic Champion...DANGEROUS DAN!!!!!
Jones: Dangerous Dan with the easy, easy win.
Hood: Hey, it was setup for Dan to take the easy ‘W’ and he did just that. That’s what champions do, Jones. Now he turns his focus to CYPH3R.
Jones: A match that could easily ‘steal the show’ THIS Sunday at Reformation.
For my mind to run around with my ear up to the ground
I'm searching to behold the stories that are told
When my back is to the world that was smiling when I turned
But once you turn, they hate us"
Everybody wants to be my enemy
Spare the sympathy"
(Look out for yourself)
My enemy (look, look, look, look)
(Look out for yourself)
But I'm ready"
And the laughter in the halls and the names that I've been called
I stack it in my mind and I'm waiting for the time
When I show you what it's like to be words spit in a mic
Tell you you're the greatest
But once you turn, they hate us (huh)"
Everybody wants to be my enemy
Spare the sympathy
Everybody wants to be
My enemy (look, look, look, look)
(Look out for yourself)
~Dangerous Dan is in the ring and Debris is making his way down. This time, Killa Kali TLS and SHE-LS don’t even wait for the match to start. The three of them rain a flurry of punches on Debris ringside, laying him out. Inside the ring Dangerous Dan looks on, smirking and doesn’t notice that Playboy G has hopped into the ring. Mike Zybala, still in his wheelchair, is trying to get his attention even though Lady Rage keeps spinning his wheelchair away. Dangerous Dan turns around and receives a super kick from Playboy G as Killa Kali and the others enter the ring. Picking him up off the ground, Killa Kali hit’s the Cop Killa on him and rolls away, allowing TLS to hit a Curb Stomp on him. SHE-LS, beloved barbed wire kendo stick in hand, launches herself from the top rope, landing the stick across the forehead of Dangerous Dan. Laughing once again, they exit the ring and head back to their ringside seats. Mikey Zybala seems to be pleading with them to stop the violence. His fellow stablemates just laugh and ask the vendors for beer~
Hood: Do you think they are working for Thad now?
Jones: I don't think so, Hood. It's pretty clear they're going into business for themselves.
Hood: Well you don't have to be a dick about it.
Jones: They're terrorizing the roster! They just attacked our TransAtlantic Champion less than a week before his first title defense. It's total anarchy!
Hood: Well, we didn't have much law during the month of May while we were in DJIBOUTI. It takes awhile to correct what's been broken.
Jones: Evidently longer than a month. Thad's gonna have some issues to shore up after tonight, no doubt about it.
~We return to Massacre~
Jones: Hood!
Hood: WHAT?!
Jones: Epic Summer...it's got a date!
Hood: I saw. July 24th...that's PRE Margarita Mix...hmmm
Jones: That's around Truth or Consequences.
Hood: It might be.
Jones: No, it is!
Hood: Well fuck you, I don't have a calendar in front of me. How the hell should I know?
Jones: Is this promising the debut of someone EPIC at Truth or Consequences in July?
Hood: That or catering is going to get a major face lift around that time.
Jones: Hey, I like our catering.
Hood: Yea, you look like the type of guy who digs Golden Corral.
Jones: Don't hate. These Epic Summer messages continue to appear and now...now we've got a date! What's in store for us on the 24th of July? Tune in to find out! In the meantime, we've got Mark Storm returning to the ring and that's next!
Mark Storm (6-1) vs. Whisper Mendoza (0-3)
~Whisper is in the ring telling more tales outside of school in the form of nefarious whispers into the ear of Scruff. Scruff giggles like a school girl when he hears the secret news Whisper is there to deliver~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring...Whisper Mendoza!!!
~We see several signs that say “SAVE WHISPER!” “WHISPER FOR LIVE!” “RETURN MY BLOOD STAINED LOVE LETTERS, WHISPER!” That third one results in the fan being removed from the arena~
Jones: Whisper with some extremely devoted fans out there.
Hood: Maybe TOO devoted. Save some of that blood for the blood rives, brother.
Belvedere: And, her opponent…
~Short Change Hero by The Heavy begins to play through the speakers and the lights in the arena simultaneously dim down. Smoke begins to rise from the top of the stage and appearing on the screen above are the following words~
~A massive pop ensues as emerging from the back is Your Hero and Mine, Mark Storm; who keeps himself composed as he stands at the top of the entrance ramp. He can't help but allow his sadistic signature smirk to appear upon his lips as he closes his eyes and spreads his arms out wide, soaking in the energy that the audience are giving him as they applaud and cheer~
Belvedere: From New York, Brooklyn.. weighing in a two hundred and twenty five pounds - Your Hero, and Mine.. MARRKKKK STORMMMMMM
This ain't no place for no better man.
This ain't no place for no hero
To call "home."
~At this point, Storm is by the edge of the ring; allowing a smile to embed on his face before he jumps onto the apron and holds onto the ropes, using them to help himself up onto the turnbuckle. He's grinning from ear to ear, soaking in the rest of the cheers coming from the audience, shaking his head sideways as he lowers it, before jumping into the ring. He heads over to his designated corner and hoisting himself up onto the second ropes, a smirk upon his lips as he holds his arms up; his theme song slowly diminishing~
Jones: And Mark Storm back inside and OCW ring! So thrilled to see him!
Hood: Yea...when was his last match, March?
Jones: Back at Luck of the Violent when he gave Tamika Strader all she could handle in a valiant effort to become Craze Champion. Tonight, he returns.
Hood: Let’s go Storm!
~Belvedere exits and the bell sounds~
Jones: And here we go! Any rust on Storm or is it business as usual?
Hood: Let’s be honest, he’s facing Whisper Mendoza not Shouting Hernandez. He should be fine.
Jones: Well, okay then.
~Whisper skips toward Storm and she leans in to tell him a secret. Storm looks at Whisper like “Uhhh…” He’s not really sure how to react. Whisper starts to tell him a secret...but she drops to the mat and rolls him up!!! The fans jump with shock~
1!
KICK OUT!!!
Jones: Whoa!
Hood: Storm nearly learned the hardest but most valuable lesson in life. Never trust a woman.
Jones: Viewers, please take everything Hood says with a grain of salt.
Hood: Grain of salt always getting the bad rap.
~Whisper goes flying from the kick out. Storm rolls over backward, getting to his feet. He pops up and sprints toward Whisper who is on one knee, trying to stand...Storm comes flying in and he SMACKS Whisper in the head with Shoot to Kill!!!! Whisper’s body goes flying into the corner, smashing into the buckles~
Jones: Wow! Tremendous impact by Storm!
Hood: Yea, I think Whisper’s pin attempt pissed Storm off more than anything. You hear that thunder? You feel those clouds rolling in?
Jones: Nope. We’re indoors.
~Whisper stumbles out of the corner, her body wrecked. Storm is back on his feet...he hoists her up onto his shoulders, brings her head down and drops her on her head with Heroes End!!!! He makes the pin, Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...MARK STORM!!!!!
Jones: Storm looking strong in his return. Whisper got a quick pin attempt on him but I think it was merely the jolt that Storm needed.
Hood: Yep, like the government using weapons to manipulate the weather, Whisper’s attack activated THE STORM.
Jones: I’m not going to get into conspiracy theories on air, Hood.
Hood: BORING
~Mark Storm, having just won his match, sees PTSD hopping the guard rails and quickly exits the ring. The three members slide in, kicking and stomping Whisper Mendoza. Killa Kali drags Whisper to the corner and climbs up, hitting the South Central Effect, the Top rope super fly. SHE-LS and TLS rolls him out of the ring as Lady Rage tosses Killa Kali the microphone~
Killa Kali: This is for all you bitches in the back and people like the Thadster. These wrestlers we beat down tonight? They stood and took a beating. They weren’t afraid of what it would do to their image. They weren’t afraid of looking weak, or looking foolish. They tried, and failed, and got their asses kicked. They weren’t worried about twitter or Instagram likes, they weren’t worried about everyone all getting along. They came they got their asses kicked and they left. But at least they tried. They weren’t afraid to try. OCW, Thadster, all you bitches, I’ve watched you and all I see for most, not all, is worry about your image not about the fight. We enter this ring, for one purpose, to fight. Win lose or draw, that’s why most of us are here. IF you are too afraid of looking weak or foolish, go home you little bitches. Consider yourselves warned!
~The fans boo HEAVILY. Throwing trash at Kali and the rest of PTSD. Dropping the mic, PTSD exits the ring and heads for the back~
Hood: Oh shit, Killa Kali just basically called out the whole roster!
Jones: THEY should be fired!
Hood: Nah, man. He's doing what all champions do...he's making a statement. He's not afraid to express his thoughts and opinions.
Jones: He's sticking his finger in the majority owner's face! I know Thad isn't active right now, but he's still a world class athlete with the ability to defeat any wrestler on the planet.
Hood: Hey, you sound like me. Thad's the man!
Jones: Thad's return has made tremendous waves...with the Straders, with Paramount, and now with PTSD. Where is this all going to lead? Something violent, I'm sure.
Hood: Yep, Killa Kali knows one speed...VIOLENCE.
Jones: Well, at least they've left the ringside area. We can now have some peace...or, well, peace as we know it.
Catch the Replay of Big Game Hunting for the ULTRA LOW PRICE of $69.69!!!!
~In the backstage area The Big Bifford stands holding the OCW Championship. He is standing in front of a mirror, staring himself in the eyes. He’s not dressed as Plethora. The door opens and Earl the Popcorn Salesman walks in.~
Earl: Hey Biff, you’re on next, better put on the robe..
Bifford: In a minute..
Earl: So you gonna train hard this week for The Lost Soul?
Bifford: I’ve beaten The Lost Soul so many times, I can’t even count..
Earl: Yeah, but he’s beaten you..
Bifford: Those were weeks we didn’t film promotional materials.
Earl: What?
Bifford: Promotional materials.. we didn’t film them the week before those matches.. that’s why I lost. It’s a Karma thing I think..
Earl: That makes no sense..
Bifford: Just trust me..
~The door opens again and Kenny the Intern walks in, looking stressed out.~
Kenny: Uh.. guys.. we have an issue.
~Bifford turns from the mirror and glares at Kenny.~
Kenny: Our snitch.. you know.. our inside man at The New York Times called. They’ve got a snitch of their own.. someone who used to work for us who wants revenge.
Bifford (hissing): WHO!?
Kenny: Remember when we killed Martin Ka’Berryon’s father randomly again in the promotional materials before the last show? Well, Martin Ka’Berryon.
Bifford: That grape-suit wearing son of a bitch..
Earl: Hold on.. Martin wasn’t around for any of the chicken sandwich stuff..
Bifford: YEAH!
Kenny: He was around for a lot of murder..
Bifford: I already served time in prison for those murders.. I can’t be charged again. Double jeopardy. It’s a thing. Google it.
Kenny: You were never charged with the death of Oratonic. You went to jail for Twizted Z and a bunch of other jobbers.. Oratonic’s murder remains unsolved in the eyes of the law. Martin Ka’Berryon knows all about that.
Bifford: I’m going to kill him.
Kenny: That’s the problem.. they have him hauled off somewhere in a safe house. We need to find him first.
~Bifford glares at the two men.~
Bifford: Go work on this.. I’ll go out to the ring and do the segment alone. I don’t need to dress as Plethora. It’ll just be me going out to talk on behalf of him.
~Bifford looks at the two men again, clearly a bit distraught over this news, and then walks out into the hallway. Kenny and Earl are alone. They share a look.~
Kenny: We are all going to prison for a very long time really soon, aren’t we?
Earl: Definitely.
~The scene switches to the arena where Amish Paradise by Weird Al begins playing. Bifford walks out toward the ring, not holding the OCW Title and not dressed as Plethora.~
Hood: What a surprise to see OCW Hall of Farmer, The Big Bifford!
Jones: Yeah the Champion hasn’t been around much lately.
Hood: Plethora? He isn’t here tonight.
Jones: Shut up. We don’t need to pretend..
Hood: IF we don’t want to get murdered, we DO.
~Stepping up into the ring, Bifford is handed a microphone. He looks out over the crowd who boo him as the parody of Gangsta’s Paradise comes to a close.~
Bifford: This weekend Plethora the Perilous will wrestle The Lost Soul and he will do what he does best, that’s giving him a piledriver and pinning him. I know a bit about beating The Lost Soul - I beat him to win the #1 Contendership to the GCWA Xtreme Championship back in 2009.. I would go on to defeat Lurrr for that belt.. then I pinned The Lost Soul again when I won the Warriors of the Ring Tournament in 2010.. and then after I won the GCWA Championship, my first Pay Per View challenger was The Lost Soul. Guess how that ended.. Biff End.. 1..2..3.
~The fans boo Bifford enthusiastically.~
Bifford: But I have a surprise for The Lost Soul… I’m going to give this SECRET WEAPON to Plethora for him to USE AGAINST The Lost Soul..
~Bifford starts walking to the side of the ring and a stagehand is walking to hand him a milk glass of toilet cleaner.~
Bifford: I still have your soul.. you lost it, but I’ve got it..
~The fans pop as someone jumps the barricade. As Bifford leans over to reach for the toilet cleaner being handed to him, The Lost Soul jumps into the ring behind him.~
Jones: TLS not waiting for this weekend! TLS not waiting for Bifford to put his robe on!
~Bifford grabs the glass and turns around where he walks right into a right hand from TLS. He drops the glass which spills toilet cleaner all over the ring apron. Bifford is stunned as TLS hits another punch and another. He Irish whips Bifford toward the ropes, but Bifford reverses it. TLS hits the ropes and comes back, hitting a hard clothesline. But Bifford doesn’t go down. TLS hits the ropes again and comes back with a second clothesline. Bifford is wobbling on his feet.~
Jones: What does TLS have to do to put Bifford down?
Hood: He’s attacking a retired Hall of Famer!
Jones: He’s hitting the OCW Champion!
Hood: Jones said that, Bifford.. not me!
~TLS hits the ropes one more time and comes back with another clothesline to Bifford. Bifford looks like he’s about to fall backwards when TLS nailed him with a boot to the stomach. Bifford leans over instinctively, but TLS pulls his head down and begins setting him up for a piledriver.~
Jones: WHAT!? CAN HE DO IT!?
Hood: No. This is nonsense!
~TLS definitely doesn’t do the jumping piledriver that Bifford is famous for, but he pulls him and Bifford’s massive weight comes crashing down headfirst on the canvas, as TLS piledrives him to the mat. The fans go apeshit.~
Jones: HE DID IT!!!
Hood: GET SECURITY DOWN HERE! HE’S ATTACKING A RETIRED HALL OF FAMER!
~TLS gets back to his feet and looks down at the grounded champion. He raises his hand in triumph and the fans again pop, popping as much for someone shutting Bifford up as anything else..~
Jones: I think if TLS manages to get the best of Bifford like that on Sunday, we will have a new OCW Champion!
Hood: TLS isn’t fighting Bifford.. he’s fighting Plethora. Plethora the Perilous.
Jones: Whatever.
~We cut to the backstage area where Who’re is standing outside of the closed locker room of Jace Parker Davidson.~
Who’re: I’m here at Jace Parker Davidson’s dressing room hoping to catch a comment or two regarding last week’s brutal attacks on Amick Dogeron and Dylan Thomas.
~Who’re knocks on the door and waits a second. No answer. She tries again. Still no answer.~
Who’re: (shouting) Jace! It’s Who’re! I’d just like to get a few words from you about last week’s attack and the upcoming triple threat at Reformation.
~Who’re tries knocking again.~
Who’re: Jace? Jace!?
~Suddenly the door to JPD’s dressing room opens, but instead of JPD, it’s AMICK DOGERON!~
Who’re: Amick! What, uh… what are you doing here?
~The camera zooms in behind Amick to see JPD lying on the floor, holding the back of his neck. He alternates between painful grunts and obscenities.~
Amick: What am I doing here? I was just paying my buddy JPD a visit. We had made a little transaction last week, so I just wanted to come in person and give him his receipt.
Who’re: Whoah, I’m just…I just wasn’t expecting you.
Amick: That’s the sentiment I get around here from a lot of people, not just you. Unassuming Amick Dogeron, the soft spoken nice guy can’t possibly do anything to shock or surprise anyone. Well, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you all haven’t gotten to know the real man behind the mask or what he’s capable of. But tonight, I’m all fired up, and I’m as prepared as I’ve ever been heading into a PPV.
Who’re: Do you think you have what it takes to defeat not one, but two of OCW’s best in JPD and Dylan Thomas?
Amick: I don’t think I have what it takes, I know I do. On any given night both of those guys are the best in the business. Unfortunately for them, Sunday, June 26, will not be any given night. It’s the night that Amick Dogeron wins the Savage Championship. And after that match, when I’m standing in the ring holding my belt up high, one of two things will happen. Either JPD and Dylan Thomas will shake my hand, or they’ll get their teeth knocked down their throats. Their choice.
~Amick turns and begins to walk away when he finds himself standing face to face with the leader of The Paramount, CJ O’Donnell! Amick doesn’t know how to react at first, but given his demeanor this evening, he’s not backing down from anyone. The two stare at each other for a second or two, then CJ smirks and walks away, leaving Amick and Who’re standing on screen, somewhat confused.~
BRIM (18-5) vs. Easton Alexander (7-7)
~These fans are hot...so hot...WHITE HOT. We’ve got ourselves a big time competitive match on the horizon and they are HERE FOR IT. The Easton Alexander signs are out as he’s ascending the ladder of popularity in OCW. Meanwhile, other fans continue to show their support for BRIM...the man many feel should be OCW Champion. Belvedere, standing in the ring, clears his throat, snaring the crowd’s attention~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen...the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
~Maniac By Carpenter Brut hits as the light's start to move around the stadium, finally settling in a spot light on the ramp. Easton Alexander walks into the light looking straight into it, he removes his hood as sparks begin to fall behind him, deflecting off his shoulders~
Belvedere: From North bay Ontario Canada, He is The Canadian Dragon... EASTON ALEXANDER.
~Easton steps up into the ramp, and climbs the turnbuckle taking in the crowds energy, he extends his arms out toward the crowd as they ERUPT in cheers. he hops off into the ring, he removes his his jacket and stands in the corner Facing away~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~“Killjill” by Big Boi ft. Killer Mike and Young Jeezy hits and the fans stand and turn, watching in awe as one of OCW’s biggest, meanest, most impressive wrestlers makes his way to the ring. BRIM emerges from behind the curtain looking as angry and annoyed as ever. Easton’s back remains to the entrance, refusing to look BRIM’s way. BRIM marches toward the ring...he hustles up the steps and enters through the ropes~
Belvedere: From Baltimore, Maryland...standing 6’3 and weighing in at 385lbs...he is a 3 time Savage Champion...he is...BRIM!!!!
~Belvedere exits. Easton’s back remains to BRIM. Scruff motions for the bell...it sounds and we’re underway~
Jones: And here we go!! BRIM, a permanent fixture in the OCW Main Event taking on Easton Alexander...a rookie who is evolving into a star.
Hood: Yea, Easton’s evolving before our very eyes. Too bad he’s decided to placate to these fans, though. Some WEAK ASS shit.
Jones: Nothing wrong with seeking support from the thousands of people in attendance, Hood. Gives you a home field advantage.
Hood: I see no field.
Jones: It’s a metaphor.
~BRIM has seen nothing but Easton’s back. So he marches up to The Canadian Dragon and spins him around saying, “YO!” As Easton spins around, he drills BRIM in the head with a Roaring Elbow!! The fans go wild!! BRIM stumbles back. Easton follows up with punches...one, two, three, four of them!! BRIM is rocked!! He leans into the ropes. Easton shoots BRIM off the ropes, but BRIM reverses, grabs Easton, spins around and DRIVES him into the mat with a Belly-to-Belly!! BRIM lands on top of him, placing nearly 400lbs of mass on top of Easton!! The fans groan. Easton remains on the mat, holding his midsection and rolling around in pain. BRIM rises to one knee, staring down at Easton while rubbing his face~
Jones: Easton came out with a ton of energy but all it takes is for BRIM to get his hands on you and you’re in trouble.
Hood: Yea, Easton can’t wrestle BRIM like he wrestled Alexandra or even CJ. He’s got to stick and move...STICK AND MOVE, MAC!
Jones: Been playing punchout?
Hood: Oh you know it.
~BRIM returns to his feet, snaring Easton by the head and bringing him along for the ride. He starts to whip Easton across the ring but delivers a Short Arm Clothesline instead!! Easton falls to the mat, hard. BRIM leaps up and drops and elbow across Easton’s chest. Scruff gets ready to make a pin count...but BRIM forgoes the effort, returning to his feet while bringing Easton along...this time he whips Easton across the ring, into a corner. Easton hits hard. BRIM charges forward, eat step shaking the ring, he leaps up and he CRUSHES Easton with a big splash. BRIM backs up...Easton stumbles toward him and BRIM fires forward with a lariat, turning Easton inside out and sending him crashing down onto the mat~
Jones: BRIM in total control early on.
Hood: Yea and unlike most opponents...once BRIM gets control of ya, good luck shifting the momentum.
Jones: Yep, he’s got a tremendous size advantage.
~BRIM leans over the top rope for a moment, staring down at a few younger fans sporting ‘EASTON RULEZ’ shirts. They are frowning and on the verge of tears. BRIM yells down at them, ‘THAT’S RIGHT!’ which doesn’t help matters. He turns around and sees Easton on all fours, showing the fight of CANADA. BRIM runs forward and kicks him in the ribs, flipping Easton over and onto his back. Alexander clutches his ribs, wincing in pain. BRIM backs up...he leans into the ropes, bending them about as far as they can go before thrusting forward, marching at Easton and leaping up with a splash...but Easton moves!!! The crowd goes wild!! BRIM slams belly first into the mat!! He gets to both knees, holding his gut in pain. Easton scurries over to a corner, pulling himself up using the ropes...the crowd has come to life, clapping and chanting for Easton~
Jones: Alright! Easton managed to get out of the way of a splash that might have very well ended this one.
Hood: Fuckin fans. Do they have to cheer so loud? I mean, don’t they realize this guy is from Canada?
Jones: I don’t think they care where he’s from, Hood.
Hood: Well, they should. Canada is a horrible country.
~BRIM gets to one knee...Easton charges forward and he kicks both feet out, into BRIM’s leg!! The big man falls face first onto the mat! He tries to grab Easton when he does...but Easton rolls away, to the apron, under the bottom rope. BRIM rolls onto his back and sits up, reaching for his right knee. Easton pops to his feet...he jumps up and springboards off the top rope, flying through the air and coming down with a senton across BRIM’s legs!!! BOOM! Tremendous impact!!! Easton rolls over, clutching his back in pain. Meanwhile, BRIM rolls over, pounding the mat with his fist...his legs aching with pain~
Jones: That move did some damage to Easton..but it did even more to BRIM’s legs.
Hood: Stupid Canadian.
Jones: He’s willing to risk some damage if it means preventing BRIM from being able to stand.
Hood: Big deal. All BRIM has to do is crawl and get his hands on Easton...then he’ll choke him out.
~Easton fights through the back pain..he reaches for the ropes to help himself up...BRIM lunges forward, grabbing at Easton’s legs! He snatches one of them...Easton’s in trouble. He tries to step through the ropes, away from BRIM...he tries to pull his leg free, but BRIM’s grip is too strong. BRIM pulls Easton back away from the ropes...Easton lets go of the ropes...he spins around and he stomps his free foot right into BRIM’s throat!! BRIM rolls over, face first onto the mat, holding his throat and coughing. The fans pop! Easton gets his leg free and hurries to the ropes, stepping through them, standing on the apron and staring at BRIM. He turns, staring at the top buckle...the fans chant “DO IT!” They must be big NIKE fans. Easton heads for the corner and begins to climb~
Jones: BRIM’s legs are aching and now his throat has been traumatized. He’s in bad shape, Hood.
Hood: Yea, well he lost to Veronica Strader last week, his second loss in a row which has clearly got him questioning things.
Dude needs to get off the struggle bus and bust this slump he’s in.
Jones: Well, he’d better get moving because Easton, who is one of the hottest wrestlers on the roster, is in the driver’s seat!
~Alexander pulls himself up to the top rope. He looks down. BRIM is slowly pushing himself up to all fours. Alexander leaps off the top rope...he flies high through the air, he brings his knees to his chest and he comes down with a HUGE double foot stomp into BRIM’s back, slamming BRIM front first into the mat!! The arena erupts in cheers!! The entire ring shakes!!! Easton turns around and crawls forward, shoving BRIM over...he shoves and shoves and he gets him on his back!! Easton jumps on top of BRIM for a pin...Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
3...NO!
Jones: BRIM with the big kickout!
Hood: It was close, though. That dirty canadian nearly pulled the upset.
Jones: BRIM might be alive in this match but he’s got quite the hill to climb.
~Easton goes flying through the ropes and onto the apron. His disbelief by not scoring the pinfall is usurped by the shock of being hurled out of the ring like a doll. He looks through the ropes at BRIM who, again, rolls front first on the mat and places his forehead on the canvas, breathing heavily before trying to push himself up once again. The time is now for YOUNG EASTON. He pulls himself up, pushing any panic and shock aside...he waits for BRIM to get to his feet...BRIM does...Easton jumps up and he springboards off the top rope!! BRIM ducks! Easton lands on the mat behind BRIM and he hits the ropes...BRIM turns around, gingerly. Easton bounces off the ropes and BRIM throws a lariat...Easton slides underneath it and pops up behind BRIM...he then dives at the back of BRIM’s legs, taking them out!! BRIM falls to his ass, holding his legs in pain~
Jones: Easton has really worked over BRIM’s base. If he keeps this up I don’t think BRIM’s going to be able to lift him up.
Hood: Never underestimate the strength of a four hundred pound man with a four letter name, Jones. Especially one from Baltimore.
Jones: I’ve seen the Wire, Hood. I know things.
Hood: Sure ya do.
~Easton knees BRIM in the face. He pulls the former Savage Champion up...BRIM’s legs are shaky. Easton boots him in the gut and brings BRIM in...he double underhooks BRIM’s arms. Scruff rushes in, yelling ‘NO! NO!’ Easton pauses...he doesn't know what Scruff is yelling about. But Scruff makes him let the move go. Easton lets the arms go...but, as he does, BRIM charges forward and he SLAMS Easton in the corner!!! Easton leans forward, gasping for air...BRIM drives his shoulder into Easton’s midsection over and over and over until Easton leans into BRIM, gasping for air. BRIM picks him up, spins around and Bodyslams him onto the mat! Easton is down. BRIM rolls onto his ass and reaches forward, rubbing his aching legs~
Jones: Easton was going through his natural instincts only to be restricted by Scruff. Scruff wouldn't let him attempt his patented piledriver.
Hood: Yea, well, that’s what he gets for trying to paralyze the QUEEN of OCW.
Jones: Injuries are apart of the sport.
Hood: Look, piledrivers are just boring anyway. If you're gonna get hurt, get hurt falling off a cage.
~BRIM struggles to his feet...it’s clear his legs are bothering him. He stands over Easton and bends over, grabbing him by the neck and pulling him to his feet...Easton gets to his feet and he throws a few surprising kicks into BRIM’s legs!! BRIM is staggered...he loses his grip on Easton. Easton hits the ropes...he bounces off and he knees BRIM in the gut. BRIM stumbles back into the ropes...Easton runs the opposite direction...he hits the ropes, he bounces off and charges at BRIM...BRIM throws his foot out, kicking Easton in the midsection!! Easton drops to one knee. BRIM pauses, reaching for his aching leg. He shakes it off and straightens Easton up...he chops Easton across the chest~
Jones: Easton is staggered! BRIM’s suddenly in a dominant position.
Hood: Guy’s legs are almost useless and he’s STILL gonna win this match. SUCK IT, CANADA
~BRIM bends over and he hoists Easton up for CRACKIN NECKS!!! Easton is upside down, across BRIM’s back!! BRIM winces...his legs shake. They’re having trouble managing the weight. Easton senses the weakness and he shakes his legs and body...he elbows BRIM in the kidney a few times...BRIM starts to bend over, bringing Easton back down...Easton hooks BRIM’s arms...he spins around and he drops BRIM with Cursed Night!!!!! The ring shakes from impact!!! Easton turns BRIM over and makes the cover~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...EASTON ALEXANDER!!!!!
Jones: Easton did it! He defeated BRIM.
Hood: Fuck.
Jones: He worked on BRIM’s legs and the damage he inflicted enabled him to counter Crackin Necks with Cursed Night! What a huge win!
Hood: I think we need a rematch. This was clearly rigged.
Jones: He won fair and square!
~The fans go wild! Easton pops to his feet, celebrating the huge win. BRIM pounds the mat in frustration. An OCW employee leans in to look at his legs, but he shoves him out of the ring making it clear he doesn’t want anybody messing with him. Easton exits the ring and heads up the ramp, high fiving fans on his way to the back~
Jones: Easily the biggest win of Easton’s career. I think we’re looking at a future champion, Hood.
Hood: Yea, well Ana fuckin Archia held a belt once so I guess anything is possible.
Jones: Meanwhile, BRIM has got to rebound, mentally if he’s going to have any shot at winning the Prison Yard Match THIS Sunday at Reformation.
Hood: Oh, don’t worry, he will. Those competitors are going to be facing their worst nightmare...a pissed off BRIM.
Hood: You know what’s great Jonesy?
Jones: What Little Red Riding Hood?
~A glare.~
Hood: Don’t call me that. Anyway, we are almost Strader free!
Jones: There is still no good reason to feel that way.
Hood: Hey, Veronica had a chance to fight for a shot at the OCW Title but pulled out because she didn’t want to hold a title in Duke’s OCW. So good riddance.
Jones: She’s standing by her blood and her mom is dying, Hood. Outside of upsetting BRIM last week, she’s been with her.
Hood: Whatever, once my boy Crash wins at Reformation and gets the Craze title, Tamika will hopefully fade away.
Jones: That would be a shame to lose both Veronica and Tamika Strader. All the new talent is next level but it’s our Proud and Strong talent that make it possible to land the names we have in recent weeks.
~Hood is about to say something when the OCWtron lights up showing a charter jet landing at a small International Airport in LONDON, ONTARIO THE GREAT NATION TO THE NORTH and the NY fans boo because they know it’s the hometown of the Canadian born and raised Texan Family that literally saved this company in AND out of the ring but their love of Thaddeus Duke clouds that. The plane comes to a stop on the Tarmac, being directed to an area where the passengers onboard could disperse.~
Jones: Pretty sure that’s the hometown of Meghan, Cara and Veronica as Tamika and John were born there but the next day were taken out of the country to a small village in Japan to be raised until sixteen years of age.
Hood: Wait, what? Is that why she is unbearably polite while also being a bitch?
Jones: Guess so. She’s the nice one, if you remember.
~The fans boo as LOU POHL steps down onto the tarmac smelling the air and shaking his head as the CRAZE CHAMPIONSHIP NUMBER ONE CONTENDER, his client, CRASH RODRIGUEZ.~
Lou Pohl: This place smells like them. Why would ANYONE be proud to be from here?
Crash Rodriguez: I don’t know, Lou. You sure it’s the right place we’re going?
Lou Pohl: I know a guy who knows a guy who has this cousin that is seeing this woman that worked for Scott Nash Strader and did ya know he actually knew where Meghan’s daughters were the whole twenty years?
Crash Rodriguez: What is this? Lives of the Day?
Lou Pohl: Days of Our Lives you mean.
~Crash gives Lou a “really?” look and continues on.~
Hood: Wait, what he mean?!
Jones: Do you ever study? Meghan Strader and Matthew Knox were teenagers not even able to vote when she gave Victoria up for adoption because of the biker world tied to her dad and only being 15.
Hood: What about the stoner one?
Jones: Meghan passed out as she didn’t take the epidural and did it all on her own so SNS took Cara and sold her to a family who didn’t have a successful pregnancy.
Hood: See?! Heathens!
~Back on the OCWtron, Lou and Crash are in the back of a limousine heading towards their destination.~
Lou Pohl: This surprise attack is perfect. Trust me, kid. Veronica is out of town for a couple of days to see one of her sisters and estranged dad. What’s the cancer patient gonna do anyway? This is all about Tamika Strader, my boy.
Crash Rodriguez: Yeah, you’re right, Lou. She needs to know how personal getting the Craze title is for me.
~The divider between the driver and their clients rolls down and the driver looks to his rear view mirror which is pretty fucking useless when you think about it, unless used for communication like it is now.~
Driver: We are just about there, ok? I am told the other limousine will arrive a few minutes after we arrive like you wanted, sir.
Lou Pohl: Wait, don’t you pronounce it “aboot” and add a “eh” in there?
~The Canadian Driver shoots him a glare and Lou backs off. Not the time.~
Lou Pohl: Thank you, you can close the divider now.
Crash Rodriguez: This should give me the advantage I need getting in her head and beating her down on her home turf. What could go wrong?
Lou Pohl: Nothing but positives for us from here on out, kid.
~The NY fans boo as they see the childhood home of Victoria Strader, the one who brought the family to OCW to begin with. Lou and Crash get out as Crash marches up to the front door, knocking loudly.~
Hood: This is gonna be good! Kick her ass, Crash!
Jones: He can’t hear you.
~The fans start to shake the arena with their boos as THE CRAZE CHAMPION does not answer the door, but her older sister does and even they aren’t going to boo someone with cancer. She looks like herself, but anyone with empathy can clearly see she’s doing everything in her power to stand there.~
Meghan Strader: Oh, I wasn’t expecting more company.
Crash Rodriguez: We aren’t here for you. We want Tamika.
Hood: She looks alright to me.
Jones: Yeah but you also don’t think Alice Knight is good for business.
Hood: I stand by that. Her mustard surely kills people on a regular basis.
~ Meghan shakes her head. ~
Meghan Strader: You know, as much as I enjoy seeing all this weird love that you and everyone suddenly has for my family- -
Lou Pohl: Wouldn’t call it love….
~Meghan’s eyes shift like a Terminator to look at Lou startling him slightly.~
Lou Pohl: Ma’am.
~The fans laugh as she returns her gaze to Crash.~
Meghan Strader: As I was saying, as much as we appreciate the constant attention as of late, I wasn’t expecting you for dinner and they just aren’t bringing enough Chinese Food back.
Lou Pohl: Real funny… ma’am. Where is your sister, this new Queef?
Jones: I am sure he meant Queen.
Hood: Ha!
~It’s a shame for Crash and Lou that the fans can’t warn them with their booing as TAMIKA STRADER COMES OFF THE ROOF ABOVE THE FRONT DOOR CLOTHESLINING AN UNSUSPECTING CRASH! Crash is dazed as Tamika rolls forward and up to her feet, jabbing the air like Michaelangelo imitating Rocky Balboa (first TMNT, great stuff) looking at Lou with a smirk.~
Hood: Look at them attacking like that! Uncalled for! This was a friendly visit, obviously!
Jones: Yeah, sure felt friendly.
~Crash is up quick, shaking the cobwebs really quick, and starts towards Tamika. She senses something afoot as she taunts Lou, and ducks as Crash swings a tightly closed right hook over head with a lot of momentum.~
Meghan Strader: That’s it Meeks! Show him why you are the best Craze Champion there EVER will be!
Lou Pohl: Don’t listen to… ma’am. Kick her ass!
~Tamika winks at Crash and he does the same back as they charge at one another. Crash catches her with an elbow to the side of the Craze champs head but she gets an elbow at the top corner of his pelvic region, making him twist to the hurt side in pain. Tamika tries to see through the cobweb □ and drops Crash face down to the grass with a drop toe hold.~
Jones: Lou and his Client Crash Rodriguez went to Canada to try and get under Tamika’s skin but weren’t expecting this!
Hood: God we almost had TWO broadcasts without these people since October last year! That’s too much Strader.
Jones: Happens when you win, and when you are Proud and Strong, Hood.
~Another limousine pulls up on the street in front of the home and three large burly men pile out and one incredibly jacked woman that makes Melinda Rhodes seem sensuously feminine.~
Lou Pohl: The Cavalry has arrived! Haha!
Crash Rodriguez: I will do whatever it takes, Strader. That title is as good as mine now.
~Tamika looks at Crash giving him a sheepish grin.~
Tamika Strader: Think so, huh? Heh. You’re adorable.
~ As the big men led by the scary lady approach Tamika the rumbling sounds of Harley Davidsons fill the air and the arena back in Uniondale, NY. Tamika’s grin turns to a sneer as Meghan looks over at Lou.~
Meghan Strader: Told you we wouldn’t have enough food, not with your little friends.
~ The colour leaves Lou’s face as it does the others as eight members of the Brothers of Mayhem Motorcycle Club led by National President John Nash Strader rolls up in front of the house, bags of Chinese Food tied onto the bitch seats of their Harley’s. All the men follow John up onto the lawn, as they spread out around.~
John Nash Strader: You should’ve told us there would be more people for dinner. I don’t think we have enough.
~John’s panty-dropper smile lights up as he looks at Lou, Crash and their hired goons.~
Tamika Strader: Maybe next time, yeah?
~Crash’s 5’11 frame walks right up to Tamika’s 5’9 and smiles at her.~
Crash Rodriguez: Guess I’ll see you at Reformation.
Tamika Strader: Not if I see ya first, toots.
~She throws in a wink as Crash and company leave. John walks up beside Tamika as the twins watch them leave. ~
John Nash Strader: They seem like the well adjusted folk that usually gravitate to us.
Tamika Strader: Yeah, they are. Let’s eat! It’ll be fun to watch them tuck tail and run when we watch Massacre later. Yeah, you guys better catch up to’em!
~ The OCW camera crew realizes they have been left behind and start frantically updating their Über apps. Or maybe it’s Lyft. Who cares?~
Hood: Saved by a bitch boy mOtOrCyClE cLuB.
Jones: How has no one tried to kill you? Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, this has become quite personal and they will meet this Sudnay at Reformation for the OCW Craze Championship! Will Tamika cement herself as one of the greatest Craze Champions or will Lou Pohl’s client finally fulfill his needs by becoming a OCW Champion? Find out Sudnay!
Hood: Wait, did you just say Sudnay?
Jones: No.
~We make our way through the backstage area of the Nassau Coliseum here in Uniondale, New York. The focus goes to the inside of the locker room of OCW star Jace Parker Davidson. Jace is seen laying back on the couch with an ice pack pressed firmly against the back of his neck. Madison is seated beside him on the couch as she rubs her hand up and down his shoulder.~
Madison: I can’t believe that he actually had the nerve to come into your locker room and do something like that.
~Madison shakes her head obviously commenting on the attack from Amick Dogeron that happened earlier in the evening.~
JPD: He got a little ballsy after I embarrassed him on live television last week. He’s trying to go from a parody of a superhero to a tough guy act. I’m not going to fall for it. He ran away from me at Big Game Hunting to try and pin a walking corpse with a shotgun. And he’ll run away from me to try and pin Dylan Thomas at Reformation to win the OCW Savage Championship. He knows he can’t beat me, the evidence is out there but his little plan isn’t going to work.
Madison: At least he’s smart enough to pay attention and find out that your neck is your weak spot. Unlike Tamika Strader who tried to call you some kind of CGI Animation on social media.
~Madison has a little bit of drool that escapes the side of her mouth as she continues to gaze upon Jace’s new look after stepping into the Fisher Price Machine. The camera however can’t get a good look at the “new” Jace since all that can be seen is the ice pack and the back of his head that sits over the back of the couch.~
JPD: I heard what he had to say to Who’re and he talks about people not getting to know the person behind the mask. Well, how are we going to do that if you keep that fucking ugly mask on to hide your identity, dumbass? He thinks this little attack is going to be enough to make me a non-factor in the triple threat match. He actually believes he’ll walk out the new Savage Champion at the end of the match. And as far as shaking his hand or getting my teeth knocked down my throat? I pray that he even attempts something so stupid such as that.
~Jace pauses for a moment and sees the drool running down the side of Madison’s mouth. He reaches up with his free hand and wipes it away with his thumb.~
JPD: Jesus Madi, we’re going to have to make you wear a bib 24/7 if you keep this up.
Madison: I can’t help it. When I see you looking the way you do now it just happens without me knowing.
~Jace sighs before wiping his hand clean on Madison’s skirt. He leans forward a bit and slides the ice pack to a different spot on the back of his neck.~
JPD: As I was saying… Amick should have done the smart thing and stayed quiet in his little corner until he was called upon. Dylan Thomas isn’t running around trying to give “receipts” just because I whooped both of their asses by myself. Amick tries some bullshit to try and keep me from winning the OCW Savage Championship belt? Not only will I end him but I will fuck his daughter on top of his grave for good measure.
~Madison nods in agreement when suddenly the locker room door bursts open. Madison jumps a bit before relaxing as she sees that Garry Ray-Ray Nelson is the one that bulldozed into the room. Ray-Ray walks around to the front of the couch so that he’s facing both Jace and Madison. Ray-Ray’s eyes widened at the sight of Jace and his new look.~
Garry Ray-Ray Nelson: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!
~Ray-Ray roars in disapproval, he goes to charge Jace Parker Davidson but Jace holds up an outstretched arm and backs up~
JPD: Garry… this all makes sense… I know it’s a little weird
GRRN: YOU’RE A SHAPESHIFTER TOO!?
~Garry flips a table and smashes a wooden chair into a zillion pieces as he leaves the locker room shouting~
GRRN: THAD! WE’RE DEFINITELY MAKIN’ SHAPESHIFTIN’ ILLEGAL FOR FUCK SAKES! I’M DONE WITH THIS HORSE SHIT! TURN JACE PARKER DAVIDSON BACK INTO CARTOON MAN RIGHT THIS GOD DAMN INSTANT!
~Back in the room, Jace looks down at Madison and shrugs~
JPD: He was coming to get pumped up for the match anyway.
~Jace gets comfortable and kicks around some of the mess that Ray-Ray caused. He shrugs his shoulders before Madison uses a remote control in the room to turn on the monitor so that the two of them can enjoy tonight’s main event.~
Sebastian Stone (1-0) vs. Garry ‘Ray-Ray’ Nelson (0-0)
~The steel cage surrounds the ring. WHAT A SIGHT. Finally, we’re gonna get our precious steel cage match as a precursor to next week’s PRISON YARD MATCH. Belvedere, inside the cage, clears his throat and speaks~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a steel cage match and it is scheduled for one fall! A wrestler can win via pinfall, submission, or by escaping the cage! Introducing first…
~The American Flag waves proudly, united, strong, just like the nation of which he represents. Garry Ray-Ray Nelson emerges from the back, his majestic mustache on point, a few smears of motor oil on his face from having worked on the tractor just this morning. There are no days off for the farmer, after all~
~He strides down to the ringside area, slapping hands with all the children, giving salutes to the ones that have their Garry branded American Flag do rags. Ever the patriot, he ensures that his American track suit to touch anything, even the ropes, as he makes it into the ring. He confidently enters throught he cage door. He raises his hands, large and caked with dirt from working the fields, to the sky, and the corners explode in a fireworks display of red, white, and blue~
Belvedere: From Nelson County, Kentucky...standing 6’9 and weighing in at 235lbs...Garry ‘Ray-Ray’ Nelson!!!
Jones: Garry making his in-ring debut!
Hood: Guy talks a lot. Is that common for people from Kentucky?
Jones: I think most ‘southern’ people talk a lot, Hood.
Hood: Makes sense. Not much else to do in shit towns other than talk and fuck.
~Nelson stands proud and confident. Somewhere a Bald Eagle is sporting a massive erection upon seeing this man grace an american television screen. And then, some music starts to play and Sebastian Stone heads to the ring~
Belvedere: And, heading to the ring, his opponent...a man who backs down from no confrontation. A man with nerves of steel. A true man of his word. The brave, the powerful, the courageous...Sebastian Stone!
~The fans don’t know how to react because Stone looks – different. It’s like his face has changed since we last saw him~
Jones: Stone sporting a different look – LITERALLY.
Hood: Is that a mask? Plastic surgery? Or is he a true shape shifter?
Jones: I don’t know, but it seems like no matter what face he wears he always looks like an idiot.
Hood: Confirmed.
~Stone trips walking up the steps and nearly takes a header into the cage. But, he lets everyone know he’s okay. Some fan yells out, “haha you nearly got STONED!!!!” Sebastian glares at him...he then looks at Scruff and tells OCW’s veteran referee to remove that fan for making fun of him. But Scruff is like, “Geezus, calm down man. He’s just talking some shit.” Stone enters the cage. Belvedere exits...the door shuts and the bell rings~
Jones: And here we go! Sebastian Shape Shifting Stone taking on Garry ‘Ray-Ray- Nelson!
Hood: If Stone were smart, he’d wear the face of Welsh or some authority figure. Try to gain some clout...instead he just goes with ‘generic good looking white guy’.
Jones: It’s whatever turns him on, I suppose.
~Stone turns to Nelson and he starts to talk shit about Kentucky. “Kentucky? More like FUCKTUCKY! Hahaha! YOU JUST GOT STONED!!!!” The fans boo. Someone yells out, “YOU’RE A FUCKIN IDIOT!” Stone looks around, “WHO SAID THAT?! WHY ARE THEY ALLOWED IN HERE IF THEY ARE GOING TO SAY MEAN THINGS?!” Garry takes this in like, “Wow, is this a handicapped match?”~
Jones: Sebastian Stone is beginning to melt under the heat.
Hood: I mean, if you’re gonna talk shit you should probably focus on having a point and making it slightly witty and creative.
Jones: Some people weren’t made for this sport, Hood.
Hood: True, maybe there’s a promotion out there where people compete by staring a pictures of beautiful people.
~Stone turns back toward Garry and he tries to mock the black streaks on his face but the insults are too lame and incomprehensible to be taken seriously. So, Garry, being the true humanitarian that he is, decides its time to put Stone out of his misery. He steps forward and he slugs Stone in the face!!! Stone stumbles back. He darts for the door, trying to escape but Ray-Ray grabs him by the hair, pulling him back into the ring...he then slings him into the side of the cage head first!! The crowd goes wild!! “PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN” blasts from someone’s phone. Stone falls to the mat, holding his face in pain~
Jones: Well, Sebastian’s aesthetics just took a major hit.
Hood: I’m just glad we finally got to see flesh hit steel. We were deprived our cage match from last week.
Jones: Yea, well I’m not sure how long this match is going to last. Judging by Stone’s demeanor, he may tap out at any second.
Hood: Tapping out over mean words said by people who have zero control over what he can and cannot do. Sounds about right.
~Stone slowly removes his hands from his face...are we expecting blood? If so, we’re going to be left shocked. Instead of blood we see...A NEW FACE! Or, well, a new OLD face! It’s Stone’s previous face! The face that adorned his initial application. Somehow this face is even stupider than the face he entered the ring wearing. Ray-Ray looks down with wide eyes, “It’s true. He IS a shape shifter!” Stone pulls out a cell phone from his pocket to get a look at his face...he’s horrified. Even though there’s nothing to really be horrified about...I mean it’s a douchey face but it isn’t like super ugly or anything. And, even though Stone is horrified...he can’t pass up the opportunity to take a quick selfie while laying on the mat with the hashtag YOU GOT STONED underneath it. Ray-Ray throws a kick, knocking Stone’s cellphone out of his hand, over the top of the cage and into the crowd. Stone shrieks, “NO!!!” Scrambling to his feet. He tells Nelson that he’s gonna pay for that and he dives at him with a Lou Thesz Press...but Nelson catches him, spins around and plants him into the mat with a SPINEBUSTER!! The people of Kentucky go wild! Somewhere John Wall dunks a basketball. Nelson pulls Stone off the mat and he slams him, face first into the side of the cage, dragging his face across the fencing~
Jones: More face related trauma.
Hood: Sebastian Stone IS face related trauma.
Jones: How many driver’s licenses do you think he has?
Hood: Three hundred and two. I’d say the guy might be a spy due to all the faces he has...but spies are supposed to be smart.
~Ray-Ray throws Stone to the mat. Stone covers his face again, crawling for a corner. Nelson goes after him. He kicks Stone in the ass. Stone tumbles into the corner and quickly turns around to beg Ray-Ray to stop. As he does, the fans gasp...he’s got A NEW FACE! It’s GIDEON CROSS! Former wrestler Gideon Cross who claimed his entire family had been stricken by COVID only to use it as an excuse to take time off so he could create a new identity that would allow him to enter the Velveteen Rabbit Strip Club. Only problem was he blew that by making stupid remarks about people and pronouns~
Jones: Of course he’s Gideon Cross.
Hood: This guy is like the faceless people from Game of Thrones only way more annoying and far less effective.
Jones: Yep.
~Nelson, by this point, is like, ‘Yep, he’s one of them shape shifters’ so he seeks to rid the world of this menace! I mean, not only can this guy change faces but he picks the most punchable faces in the entire world to wear. It’s time to do the world a favor. PUT HIM DOWN. Nelson pulls Stone to his feet...Stone looks at him with this new stupid face and Ray-Ray sees the eyes and the face of a Duke Blue Devil. So, he spins around and SMACK! He cracks Stone in the face with Blood on the Plow (Roaring Elbow)!!! Stone falls to the mat. Ray-Ray makes the cover...Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...GARRY ‘RAY-RAY’ NELSON!!!!!
Jones: Ray-Ray with the debut win!
Hood: Easy breezy...he went in there and beat Stone like he was Christian Laettner.
Jones: I’m surprised he didn’t shape shift into THAT face.
Hood: Nah, Laettner is too rugged looking for Stone.
~Ray-Ray yells out about maybe taking the money from this win and getting himself a new Camaro. The fans cheer because a Camaro is a very good, strong, American automobile. I mean, it’s no Mustang...but it’s still pretty MURICAN. Nelson exits the cage looking every bit the competitor that stands a chance at winning the Prison Yard Match at Reformation. So, this just leaves Stone in the ring. We zoom in on his face and it’s...it’s...PIXELATED~
Jones: What in the name of Josiah is this?
Hood: Is his face pixelated? Like a shitty cartoon?
Jones: I think so. Like a badly drawn, over exposed cartoon.
~Stone is helped to his feet...he hears laughter. People chant “TOON!’ at him. He turns and looks at the OCWTron and sees his pixelated face! He covers it up and yells, “NO!” He dives out of the ring and over the barricade, running through the crowd, covering his shitty cartoon face in panic and fear and embarrassment. The fans all have a good laugh at him, some waving ‘bye’~
Jones: Well, there’s no coming back from that. I believe Stone is finished in OCW.
Hood: OR IS HE?
Jones: What do you mean?
Hood: How do we know he isn’t going to show up next week as the newest Strader family member?
Jones: Oh please...trust me, he’s done.
Hood: True, we’ll probably have a special security check point for him next week...the guard will make some jab at every wrestler who enters...slightly witty and sorta offensive but one that normal people will take in jest or just ignore...and if a wrestler OVERREACTS to it, we’ll flag him as Stone and prevent him from entering.
Jones: That was an unnecessarily long explanation of what we might do to keep Stone out, but okay. It adds up.
Hood: Anyway, fuck that guy. Ray-Ray is the star here and my new favorite to win the Prison Yard Match at Reformation!
Jones: The tall, country strong Wildcat loving wrestler from Kentucky hits so hard he makes people quit, retire, and change faces. He’s going to be a force in just six days at Reformation!
HOOD: Rumors about the Prison Yard have been running rampant all week, Jones!
JONES: They have, Hood! With the Many Faced God opting out of his OCW contract, it left a void in the Prison Yard match and I hear that Thaddeus Duke will be here momentarily to announce it!
HOOD: We’ve heard names ranging from OCW Legend Mike Best to Jace Parker Davidson pulling double duty to Thad choosing his own wife Sahara to fill the vacancy!
JONES: We’ve also heard that Thaddeus Duke might have even gone outside the halls of OCW to find a replacement.
HOOD: Well, Sebastian Everett-Bryce the Third is one of his best friends and an extremely accomplished competitor in his own right!
BELVEDERE: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome OCW’s Majority Owner, THADDEUS DUKE!
~The New York fans come unglued for their anti-hero, their favorite adopted son, as Thaddeus Duke emerges from backstage. He stops on stage for a few moments soaking in the adulation of his hometown fans while they sing ‘Anti-You’ in unison.
HOOD: Thaddeus Duke can do no wrong here in New York!
JONES: Peep the shirt!
HOOD: Strader Killer.
~Hood chuckles to himself.
JONES: Just ridiculous!
HOOD: I think it’s hilarious!
THAD: LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK HOW WE DOIN’!?
~Easy crowd pop. A fan at ringside yells out, "WHAT ABOUT KILLA KALI AND PTSD?" Thad smirks~
THAD: Killa...or should I say, Billa Booma...I'm aware of your antics from earlier this evening and, well, I'll get to you when I feel like it.
~The crowd pops!~
Jones: That's well aware of what's going on but he's got more pressing matters this evening!
Hood: Oof, that's not gonna make what did he call him, Billa Booma? Killa Kali, Billa Booma...whatever, he's not gonna be happy.
~Our attention returns to the ring and the new shirt hugging Thad's torso~
THAD: You like the shirt?
~Another easy pop.
THAD: Judging by the fact they’re selling like crazy, yeah, you love ‘em. Be that as it may, there’s three other designs for you to spend your hard earned money on.
~Thad looks toward the entrance way as Cheasy M, Leo and the one and only Marcus Welsh emerge from backstage.
THAD: My new grunt man Marcus Welsh models the ‘Stranger Things’ design.
~Leo steps toward Thad as the majority owner throws his arm over the interns shoulders
THAD: My good buddy Leo here, he’s wearing probably my favorite one. It’s not a secret that I’m a card carrying member of the LGBTQ community and with it being Pride Month here in the United States and across the world, and all proceeds from that design go to benefit LGBTQ youth charities all over the nation.
~Thad starts to make his way toward the ring.
THAD: And Cheasy… he’s wearing whatever the hell that design is
THAD: The one I’m wearing is the only one I stand to profit from. Proceeds from the other two, will go to various other youth charities, like Big Brothers & Big Sisters of America.
~Making his way up the steps, he waves the three stooges off. The three disappear backstage. Thad goes to get down to business, but the crowd elects otherwise.
OCW Fans: STRA! DER! KILL! ER! clap clap clapclapclap
HOOD: This young man, just so charitable!
JONES: He’s a phony, Hood!
HOOD: That’s where you’re wrong, Jones. Thaddeus Duke is a lot of things, disingenuous isn’t one of them.
~The crowd finally settles down, allowing Thad to get to business.
THAD: I have a few things to talk about tonight and first and foremost, I need to address the Strader situation.
OCW Fans: FUCK! THE! STRA! DERS! clap clap clapclapclap
~Thad smiles briefly, as the fans break out in chant again.
JONES: I don’t understand why these people like him.
HOOD: He’s one of them, Jones. He’s made his home in New York City and New Yorkers love their own.
THAD: You’re all well aware that last week right here on Massacre, the Strader’s threatened to take their balls… and go home… rather than talk business with the new boss.
See, while some owners might back down and worry about losing this star or that one… I really don’t give a damn who stays or who goes. I will fill this roster with talent regardless of who chooses to play ball and who doesn’t. There’s two doors to OCW and everyone is free to choose the one that pays, or the one that doesn’t. It makes no difference to me.
~He pauses.
THAD: In less than 18 hours, Tamika Strader was in my office suddenly willing to talk business. That said, I’m pleased to report that there is not a single OCW penny is coming from, or going to a single Strader on this roster and that won’t change until Lions Guard Entertainment and Strader, Inc., agree on a new deal.
Only then, will I release the frozen Strader OCW assets.
They wanted to work for free… now they will.
~Thad pauses before redirecting.
THAD: Here in OCW, we do take athlete safety seriously. Things can happen at any time in this sport and when you fuck up a move, especially one you’re supposed to be the master of and eliminate someone from competition… that’s a problem.
After reviewing the tapes of last weeks clash between Easton Alexander and Alexandra Calaway, it’s abundantly clear to me that action needs to be taken.
HOOD: Thad, laying down the law tonight here in the Nassau Coliseum!
JONES: What action!?
THAD: I’m not firing Easton. Mistakes do happen, but what I am doing, is as of this moment, Easton Alexander is banned indefinitely from using Dragon Driver 98.
Any use of that maneuver will be an automatic disqualification or forfeit of his match to his opponent. Further, each use of that move will carry increasing fines.
We’re very lucky that Calaway’s injury was not serious. Yet it could’ve been, and that’s what we’re going to avoid, Easton.
~Thad paces the ring for a few seconds before continuing on.
THAD: The topic of athlete travel has been in the winds, and I do hear it. While OCW will not cover the rental of limousines and extravagant travel, all flights and standard car rentals as well as standard lodging will now be covered by OCW and will not come out of pocket from our athletes and staff.
Y’all can upgrade, but that does come out of your pocket.
In addition to company related travel, I’m now pleased to announce that a comprehensive health plan and 401k retirement fund is now in place. This is a rough business and OCW now fully covers all medical, dental and vision care costs for all employees of the company.
OCW will 100% match your retirement funding up to 10% of your monthly contracted rates with the one exception of Bob Grenier. That 100 million dollar contract is just one more example as to why Marcus Welsh was unfit to lead OCW into the future.
HOOD: That’s big news!
JONES: Okayyyy… that I like!
THAD: For the last six months or so, OCW has closed its figurative borders. What that does is stymie growth. I mean, real growth. How are we supposed to grow and expand our markets when a lot of OCW content is restricted to so few?
At the start of business tomorrow, I’m enacting an Open Borders policy so that fans all over the world can view OCW content at their leisure. No longer will OCW talent be hidden behind a wall of shame that started because Marcus Welsh decided to unapologetically purge the roster last year.
OCW was an inclusive community in the past and as of the start of business tomorrow, it will be again.
HOOD: Thaddeus has been hard at work undoing the work of Marcus Welsh!
JONES: I don’t even know what to think anymore!
HOOD: Whatever you think of him Jones, Thad is a smart business man and one thing that was always true, is that he’s good for OCW!
THAD: Lastly… to address the elephant in the room. I said earlier that there were two doors to OCW and Sebastian Stone, who you’ll see later tonight for the last time, has decided to choose the door that doesn’t pay.
To borrow a line from Mike Tomlin, we want volunteers, not hostages.
Sebastian Stone has elected to opt out of his OCW contract and at the close of Massacre tonight, he is officially a free agent.
That being said, I’ve undergone a long and exhaustive search for a replacement for Stone for the ‘Prison Yard Match at Reformation.
HOOD: Here it comes, Jones!
JONES: The news we’ve been waiting for!
THAD: It’s really not a secret that I have friends in all corners of this industry. I’ve scoured the available names and I’ve talked to many, including but not limited to Sebastian Everett-Bryce the Third, James Raven, Chris Page himself.
A lot of rumored names have come up, some of which I’ve talked to, some I haven’t…
Names like Mike Best, Jace Parker Davidson, even my own wife. Just to name a few.
HOOD: Give us Sahara, Thad!
JONES: I’m split on that opinion! She’s his wife, but also she’s god damn hot!
THAD: I’m pleased to announce that the replacement for The Man of Many Faces was found right here in OCW and already under contract. Ladies and gentlemen, going to Reformation to take part in the Prison Yard Match is…
~Thad pauses.
HOOD: WHO IS IT!?
JONES: Why’s he always so fucking dramatic!?
THAD: Brooklyn, New York’s own… MARK STORRRM!
~’Short Change Hero’ by the Heavy begins to play as Mark Storm emerges from backstage. He stops on stage and looks out among the OCW faithful for a few seconds before heading toward the ring.
HOOD: Mark Storm!
JONES: He returned last Monday night on Massacre!
HOOD: And because of the boss and some circumstance, he’s going to Reformation and the Prison Yard Match!
~Mark Storm enters the ring as his music fades. Thad and Storm shake hands quickly before Thad gives up the microphone to him. Thad makes his exit from the ring.
JONES: Kind of surprised Thad would just give up the spotlight like that!
HOOD: He’s an owner right now, Jones! He’s not here to be in the spotlight just yet! He knows when to cede time to those that are making him money hand over fist!
~Mark Storm brings the mic to his lips and the announcers lay it and listen up.
Mark Storm: “I told myself and the world that I’d be back with a vengeance and I meant it quite literally.”
~A smirk plants across the face of Storm, as he runs his fingers through his locks.
Mark Storm: “I’m not here to play around and exchange niceties in the locker rooms, or to sit around in catering, on some bullshit, whilst we go back and forth on twitter… I’m here to compete and most importantly, to win and prove why I’m the one of the best in the world at what I do.
I’ve been doing this dance for over a decade, traveled the globe and collected some of the most prestigious accolades in our industry… but if there’s one title that interests me the most, if there’s one title that I wish I could strap around my waist and call my own, then it would be the OCW Championship.”
~The fans pop at the mention of the world title, forcing Storm to come to a halt, as he patiently waits for the noise in the arena to simmer down.
Mark Storm: “That’s why I’m out here, the return of the prodigal son, wanting to stake a claim and earn my opportunity at the title… walking the Kings Road, having to come up against some of the best wrestlers in this industry, I know it isn’t going to be easy. But if there’s one competitor that’s capable of doing the unthinkable and overcoming the odds, then it’s Your Hero and Mine, Mark fuckin’ Storm!”
~Once again the fans pop as riles himself up, a grin stretching across his face as he does so.
Mark Storm: “I’m ready to run with the wind and knock out anybody who stands in my way, every obstacle that’s put me in front of me - I’ll overcome it because that’s all I know, it’s ingrained in me. Last time out, Tamika Strader got the better of me and I’ll hand it to her, she beat me in the middle of that ring but that only ignited a flame and made me realise that I need to up my game, and turn it up a notch...
That loss has fueled me and now I’m a man on a mission, knowing that only one of us can survive this and I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that I’m the one who emerges as the victor of the Prison Yard match! El Knuckle, CJ O'Donnell, BRIM, Bob Grenier, Killa Kali, Garry Nelson, and Claudius Augustus… all of their chances of winning this match have rapidly decreased. I’ve just made sure of that.”
~Mark Storm drops the mic to a huge ovation~
Jones: Mark Storm is officially going to enter the Prison Yard next week! He could be the #1 contender one week from tonight, Hood!
Hood: Need to check the forecast for Sunday.
Jones: Another great decision by our Majority Owner. I was worried, given some of the names floating around. But I think Mark Storm is the PERFECT replacement. That match is WIDE OPEN, Hood.
Hood: Yep, just like your mother's legs.
Jones: HEY!
~We cut backstage to see pandemonium! People are running around, yelling at each other, looking panicked. Who'Re, drawn by the noise, walks over and sees CAP SLOCK. Who'Re stops the worried man~
Who'Re: Captain? What the hell is going on?
CAPS: MS. 'RE! ITS HORRIBLE! SOMEONE BROKE INTO MR. AND MRS. DUKE'S OFFICE AND LEFT A FLAMMING PAPER BAG OF FECES ON THE DESK! THE FIRE SPREAD, IGNITING THE WHOLE DESK! THE LESS SAID ABOUT THE SMELL, THE BETTER! NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME..
~The good captain pushes past Who'Re, most likely looking for a fire extinguisher, or a place to hide. Welsh walks by, noticing the commotion. Who'Re grabs him~
Who'Re: Sir! Did you hear? Someone pulled a Billy Madison inside Mr. Duke's office and it's on fire!
~Welsh pauses and eyes the room with smoke bursting out of it~
Marcus Welsh: That's not Duke's office. That's MY office.
~Awkward silence from Who'Re~
Who'Re: Oh, umm...well the bag, I think, had Mr. Duke's name on it, so it was meant for him, if that makes you feel any better.
~Welsh looks on the verge of losing it...but he holds it together and calmly delivers a message to Who'Re~
Marcus Welsh: You know what I'm about to do? I'm about to head into a room down that hallway and inform eight wrestlers that they no longer have a job here. My office is in flames. And, my face still hurts from a Heat Seeker. So, no, I don't feel better. Not at all.
~Welsh turns and exits as The Knife Man runs into view with a fire extinguisher. Machete Phil is behind him, waving his machete around. They work to extinguish the flames. We cut back to Jones and Hood~
Jones: We're just about out of time here, folks...I'm told Welsh is about to deliver the devastating news to either wrestlers.
Hood: Whatever. They all sucked anyway. You think Killa Kali is the person who set Welsh's office on fire?
Jones: I mean, he'd seem like the main suspect. But, who knows. I've lost track of things, to be honest. This place has been off the rails since the plane crash in April.
Hood: Don't you worry. Duke's gonna get this fixed. It just takes some time.
Jones: Alright fans, I'm told Welsh is backstage with the NPCs. We're gonna find out who stays and who goes...and we're gonna air it because, ya know, who cares about feelings and mental health when ratings are on the line!
~We cut backstage to find Welsh standing in front of the sixteen NPCs. I'd name them all but, c'mon. It's getting late and this show needs to get posted. He looks at them...some blooded and battered. Others bloodied and battered by in a metaphorical way, disrespected by nature. Welsh sighs and begins~
Marcus Welsh: Okay...first off, it's been, well, it's been an experience having you all employed. And, I wish we could keep you on...but orders are orders. I want you to know, this may feel like the end...but it isn't. The exposure you've all gained by working here will afford you opportunities in other promotions. I sincerely wish you all the very best of luck. When I call your name, you may exit the room and return to the locker room. If your name is not called...
~Welsh motions toward an exit door~
Marcus Welsh: You must head through there immediately or risk being accosted by security. Alright, let's get this over with.
~Welsh looks at the first name~
Marcus Welsh: Whisper Mendoza.
~The crowd inside the arena goes wild as a battered Whisper smiles before limping out of the room. Welsh gets to the next name~
Marcus Welsh: Gilbert.
~The fans sorta cheer. Gilbert lets out a 'yes!' and says, "Alice, babe! I'm still here! I'M STILL HERE!" He exits. Welsh reads the next name~
Marcus Welsh: Jack Puffer.
~Big pop from the fans for OCW's most famous and tenured enhancement talent. Puffer breathes a sigh of relief and politely thanks Welsh before exiting. Welsh reads the next name~
Marcus Welsh: The Dirtbag Kid.
~The fans laugh. DBK is beat up and wounded. But, he cracks open a SURGE and takes a very EXTREME sip before limping out and heading back to the locker room. Welsh reads the next name~
Marcus Welsh: Sugar Valentine.
~Sugar steps forward, "awww yea!" He slaps hands with Welsh and struts back toward the locker room. Welsh reads the next name~
Marcus Welsh: Lobster Mobster.
~HUGE OVATION! Lobster's everywhere rejoice. Lobster Mobster hobbles out...too injured and pained to celebrate. Welsh sighs~
Marcus Welsh: Hades.
~Like the others, Hades is beat up. But he seems a little less injured finding out this good news. Welsh reads the next name~
Marcus Welsh: Mad Max.
~Max breathes a huge sigh of relief. She wishes the rest of her luminaries luck before exiting and heading back to the locker room.
Marcus Welsh: And this is the final name.
~Great suspense. He reads the final name~
Marcus Welsh: Vortex.
~Vortex is PUMPED. He cheers and exits. His wounded partner, Debris, calls out...but Vortex leaves him behind. Welsh sighs, looking at the rest of the 'talent'...reality has hit. The exit door opens~
Marcus Welsh: I'm sorry. You all must leave. Best of luck to you.
~Debris, Middle Finger Man, Chetty Moletty, Terry Gould, Clubbin Man, Dane Princeton, Renee McRae, Desmond Savage, B.A.L.D., and Batbear all exit. A vehicle is waiting on them with two back doors open. Instinctively, they crawl in. Welsh hears them piling into a vehicle and is confused~
Marcus Welsh: Huh? What?
~Welsh hurries for the exit. The two doors slam shut. He looks out just in time to see the vehicle driving away...painted over the back doors is a very, very famous word in OCW...in sloppy, red spraypaint it reads 'Outsiders'. The van takes off, exiting the parking lot. Welsh looks on, flabbergasted. The fans pop~
Jones: It appears Mike Zybala is scooping up the wrestlers Thad has cut!
Hood: One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Jones: Well folks, that does it for us here tonight! So much insanity going on as we head into Reformation. Don't forget to order this Sunday's show! Reformation airs LIVE from a freshly built Amish Community in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
Hood: Some of that sounds rad while other parts of it sounds fuckin lame.
Jones: It's going to be one hell of a show! Four championship matches and The Prison Yard Match! Don't miss it! We'll see you all again in SIX DAYS!
~We fade out~