~Is it really the end of 2018? Did this year go by THAT fast? Holy shit. It seems like just yesterday OCW was gearing up for The Greatest Show on Earth. Now, here we are…post Death March. The orgasmic glow of what was a blindingly awesome event morphing into the realization that we get to do it all over again once 2019 kicks into gear. And, hey, ya know what, I’m cool with that! The roster is stacked! The talent pool is deeper than prose written by Ezra Pound. And the vibe is about as close to 100% as I can remember. Consider me, the narrator, to be a happy, molest free camper. So, yea, before we turn our attention to 2019 it’s time to celebrate the accomplishments of 2018! That means it’s the YEAR END AWARDS SHOW!! Woo! Yay!! Hoorah!! HUZZAH! Bing, bang, boom, and pow. We cut into the OCW Arena! The setting is much different. The seating arrangement has been altered to feature a more traditional stage setting. I’d go into graphic detail but we’ve got some new year’s partying to do. So, quite simply, I’ll just tell you that it looks like every awards show you’ve ever watched. The hosts are, naturally, Smith and Hood. They are both dressed in suits. Smith’s is tailored. Hood’s is off the fuckin rack. I love that guy, keepin it real. The fans are chanting “OCW!” It may be a black tie affair but these are, still wrestling fans. In fact, I’d say 23.4% of the crowd are wearing those ‘suit costumes’. Ya know, the ones douche bags wear on Halloween thinking they’ll get a laugh. The laughter you seek never materializes. Don’t be that guy. In the crowd we spot several current and past OCW stars. It’s nice to see them all in attendance. We also notice a ZYBALA led section featuring all the OUTSIDER rejects…err, I mean roster members. They are wearing green ribbons on their suit costumes. This is an obvious tribute to the recently deceased Uber Man. “We Can Make the World Stop” by The Glitch Mob fills the arena. It finally stops and the crowd goes wild. Smith introduces us to the event~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to the 2018 Year End Awards Show!!
~A very polite clap ensues…aside from that Zybala section. They go wild, acting as though they are back in Emilio’s yard. Zybala gets up and throws a superkick! The entire crowd breaks out in a ‘Zybala’ chant…abandoning decorum and showing their appreciation for Zybala dethroning the fascist Marcus Welsh~
Smith: Yes, yes…our new General Manager, Mike Zybala!
~The crowd gives a strong ovation. Hood lowers his head and pinches his nose, releasing an audible groan. Our camera finds a chair labeled ‘WELSH’. It’s empty~
Smith: Sadly our former GM was unable to attend tonight’s event. I’m told he’s off in a tropical location enjoying a very warm and relaxing holiday. We wish Mr. Welsh and Greg all the best as they recharge and gear up for what should be a splendid 2019. However, tonight is all about 2018! So, let’s get this night started, shall we?
~The crowd, in unison, yells back “WE SHALL!”~
Smith: Alllright! So let’s not waste any time. Let’s get right into it with the Newcomer of the Year Award! Here to present the award is last year’s winner…Bradley Carrington!
~A mixed reaction for, perhaps, the most arrogant star in OCW history. The Professor steps onto stage reading what appears to be his latest autobiography. We’re unsure of the title…but we can guess it’s fairly haughty. He’s got the 2018 Newcomer of the Year award in his off hand, hanging loosely by his side. He reaches the podium and continues reading. The crowd grows anxious. Someone yells out “GET WITH THE PROGRAM!” Carrington holds up his index finger indicating he needs one moment more. The crowd boos loudly. This goes on for what feels like an eternity until, finally, Carrington removes a bookmark with his face on it, placing it into the book and carefully closing the tome shut. He places it on the podium, it makes a loud noise as the massive weight of the book thumps onto the platform near the mic. Several fans wince. Carrington, totally unaware, clears his throat~
Bradley Carrington: Such a good read. This book will redefine the term Shakespearean. By this time next year people will call epic literature Carringtonean! Mark it down. Anyway, I’m here to announce the 2018 Newcomer of the Year. So, let’s get to it because this one, right here…
~He points down at his book which looks to be nearly six inches thick~
Bradley Carrington: It’s a real page turner. The nominees are…
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~Carrington’s eyes widen as we see him say, away from the mic “Who the hell are these people?” He rips open the envelope while keeping a hungry gaze on his book. He removes the winner’s name, takes a long look at it, ponders it for some reason and leans into the mic~
Bradley Carrington: The winner of the 2018 Newcomer of the Year is…EON NIGHT!!!!!
~The crowd gives a strong ovation. We see Eon Night head up to the stage. He appears to be his usual self. Carrington snares his book and protects it as if it were made of gold. Eon couldn’t care less, instead, he opts to take the award which Carrington failed to bring with him (his hands were full). Smith rushes out and gives Eon the award. Carrington heads off stage~
Eon Night: I appreciate everyone who voted for me. Thanks for this and hopefully I have an even better 2019!
~Eon keeps it brief and heads back to his seat. We cut to Smith and Hood as the fans give Eon a strong ovation~
Smith: Eon really took OCW by storm at Death March. I have to believe that performance put him over the edge.
Hood: Yea, I thought Rhodes would win it for sure.
Smith: Vossler was one of the big favorites, too. But, the award goes to Eon Night who, in my opinion, is more than deserving!
Hood: We really need Carrington to come back
Smith: He may be full of arrogance…a total egomaniac however the man is talented.
Hood: Yea, I’d say bring him back when he’s finished reading that book but judging by the size of that thing…
Smith: A long and, likely, laborious read
Hood: Hey! I read there’s an entire chapter in there dedicated to the screw job from Lost at Sea
Smith: Right…anyway, it’s time we roll on to our next award and, here to present the award for 2018’s Most Improved Wrestler is last year’s winner…ROBERT MORBIDUS!
~The entire arena darkens as THE TRUE LIVING VAMPIRE walks up to the podium. He looks as though he hasn’t aged a day. His skin is still super pale and, well, he continues to look very much like a vampire. Morbidus takes the stand with an envelope in one hand and an award in the other~
Robert Morbidus: The night is dark and full of…
~Somebody yells out “GAME OF THRONES RETURNS SOON, WOO!” Morbidus is thrown off~
Robert Morbidus: Creatures of the night surround us all. The new year doesn’t change that. You are all susceptible to the wrath of the darkness. Sleep with one eye open as one never knows when The True Living Vampire may return…to the ring. Now, I’ll go ahead and announce the newcomer of the year.
~The fans murmur. Morbidus is bringing back memories of his run. Not all of these memories are positive~
Robert Morbidus: The nominees are…
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~Morbidus takes a sip of some deep, dark, red liquid contained within what appears to be a YETI thermos. He licks his lips and releases a satisfying “AHHHH”. He rips open the envelope like a zombie would rip open a man’s chest. His eyes scan the name~
Robert Morbidus: And the winner of 2018’s Most Improved Wrestler is…ED HOUSTON!!!!!
~The crowd goes wild!! Ed Houston pops out of his chair with a huge smile. He hustles up the steps and takes his award from Morbidus. The True Living Vampire exits the stage without making any further scene. Houston leans into the mic and speaks~
Ed Houston: Alright! I’ve worked hard to improve my game so that I can ascend the OCW ladder. It’s nice that all the voters recognized my efforts. Death March didn’t exactly go The Rocket Man’s way but, rest assured that I am looking to fly high in 2019!
~A loud “HOUSTON” chant fires up! Zybala is seen clapping saying “Now that could be the FACE of OCW!” Somewhere we hear Welsh groan and Aidan Collins file for gimmick infringement. Houston reclaims his seat as we cut to Smith and Hood~
Smith: What a great win for Ed Houston! The Rocket Man could be in for an amazing evening
Hood: I may not be the biggest Houston fan…but he’s clear proof that hard work, dedication, and a sound mind can get you places.
Smith: Indeed…Ed’s one of the best we’ve got in OCW…A true inspiration to young wrestlers. For all you rookies out there, just look at Ed Houston if you want the example of how a great pro wrestler conducts his affairs. Congrats, Rocket Man!
Hood: Okay, you can get off his dick at any time now
Smith: Sorry…just happy for the kid!
Hood: You wouldn’t be saying all this if you’d played poker with the mother fucker
Smith: Taken some of your money?
Hood: CAN WE MOVE ON, PLEASE!
Smith: Well, okay then…here to introduce the award for 2018’s Most Underrated Wrestler is…oh my, it’s Chaotic
~A loud scream is heard…it’s actually more of a rallying cry? A war yell? Anyway…we see a masked man swoop onto stage via a rope! He’s yelling at the top of his lungs! His rope suddenly severs! He falls straight onto the wooden platform. He doesn’t appear to be moving. OCW security rushes in and drags him away. A petite figure walks down the aisle, through the crowd and steps onto stage. She bends over and shakes her ass while picking up the envelope~
Hood: The fuck are we supposed to do?
Smith: I don’t know…who is that…do we just, let this play out?
Hood: She does have a nice ass!
Smith: Is she drunk? I can smell whiskey
~The woman, who is wearing a sweatshirt with the hood covering her fact, approaches the podium. She belches loudly. Her hands reach into her hoodie to remove a plastic bottle of R&R whiskey. She takes a sloppy sip and leans into the mic~
Unknown Female: Fuck Chaotic! And fuck Uber! The nominees for 2019 most Underrated Superstar are, umm, well, let’s just, um, get to it
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~We cut back to find the hooded female taking another gigantic sip of cheap, bottom shelf whiskey. She tears the envelope open and tries to read the name~
Hooded Female: It’s blurry! Why, umm, yea, is it, ya know, blurry? Did that retarded UBER MAN do this? Fucking Uber Man. I hate him. Fuck him…
Smith: Okay, let’s get security over here
Hooded Female: NEAUX!
~The Hooded Female takes off at the word ‘security’. She falls off the stage and crawls down the aisle, toward the back of the building. Security rushes out from behind the curtain, on stage, giving chase. She finally reaches her feet, thanks to the help of someone…we’ll call him PROTECTOR. He helps her up and they stumble out of the building with security giving chase. Smith heads over, grabbing the envelope which smells like whiskey~
Smith: And the winner of Newcomer of the Year for 2018 is…HELLRAVEN!!!!!
~A very surprised Hellraven heads onto the stage and accepts her award~
Hellraven: Holy shit
~The young prodigy seems overwhelmed or unsure of how to handle the situation. She takes the award and heads back to her seat~
Smith: Congratulations to Hellraven! Another talent with the potential to break out in 2019!
Hood: No shit…if she can calm down and mature a bit then we might have a serious contender on our hands
Smith: She’s already a serious contender, Hood. But, I agree…a little patience and Hellraven might be in line for some major, major championship opportunities. I’m told something is going on in the parking lot…let’s check it out!
~We cut outside where the Hooded Female and her Protector find a purple car. It looks like a late 90’s sports car. The Protector tries to open the driver’s side door but he’s yelled at~
Hooded Female: MOVE! I’M DRIVING!
~The Protector does as he’s told. They get into the car and back up…they slam into a light pole before peeling out. OCW Security watch as the taillights vanish around a corner. They radio the local police~
Smith: SHE’S DRINKING AND DRIVING!
Hood: What horror!
Smith: This might be the worst thing we’ve ever seen on OCW television. Drinking and driving is a real character killer
Hood: No way a person can rebound from this portrayal
Smith: Indeed…oh well, moving on. It’s time to find out who will take home Angle of the Year! Here to present the award is…CLUBBIN MAN
~A mild pop for an old character that bears very little meaning in 2018. Clubbin Man steps onto stage wearing a colorful, silk t-shirt to go along with some velvet slacks. A pair of tinted glasses cover his eyes. His hair is gelled to ROCK HARD status. He’s got some weird facial hair which may or may not be drawn on. He steps up to the podium and speaks~
Clubbin Man: Yo, yo! Happy New Year’s Eve my fellow clubbers! Who wants to go Clubbin? And, before you get all offended, I’m not talking about seals! Ha ha ha!
~The crowd groans~
Clubbin Man: Nothing like feeling the rhythm while on the dance floor. Grinding all up on some gyrating body, male, female…or both! It’s all good, dirty fun. So I hope you all rock HARD this new year’s eve! But, in the meantime, I’m out here to present the award for Angle of the Year. I remember the days of being involved in great angles…the formation of B.U.F.F. with Syren and Liljungleman. That one time I scooped a man’s eye out with a spoon…such great, old school times
~”GET TO THE POINT!” a voice yells out~
Clubbin Man: The nominees for Angle of the Year…
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~Clubbin Man begins opening the envelope. While doing so he hums/mouths/whatevers “Untz! Untz! Untz! Untz!” while thrusting his hips side to side…really feeling the CLUB VIBE. He gets the envelope open and nods with approval~
Clubbin Man: The winner of Angle of the Year…CHAD VARGAS AND BOB GRENIER!!!!!
~The crowd pops. Bob and Vargas head toward the stage. They reach the podium. Both men glare at one another with the trophy in between them~
Bob Grenier: Seems like we should have another trophy
Chad Vargas: WEAK ASS BOOKING
~It seems somewhat tense. People wonder if they are going to brawl over the trophy~
Smith: Hood! Do you think they will brawl over the trophy?
Hood: Fucking déjà vu, man
~The two smile and return to a jovial disposition~
Chad Vargas: We’ve had some fuckin wars and, make no mistake about it…if Bob stood in my way I’d take him the fuck out. However, Team 2015 showed out at Death March. It felt good to remind people of that era…our era…the GREATEST OCW era. So, I’m thinking Team 2015 sticks together heading into 2019
Bob Grenier: Fuckin right! We’ll make it our mission to eliminate the fuckin crybabies and thin skinned wrestlers who constantly try to ruin this place. We’ll continue to keep CLASSIC OCW intact!
~The crowd goes wild! Vargas hands Bob the trophy. He happily accepts and the duo take a seat. We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: So great to see their hard work from earlier this year recognized. That match at The Greatest Show on Earth was something
Hood: I LOVED that match…these two are OCW through and through
Smith: Indeed…and if they stick with Mack and PerZag…that’s a stable that could overpower the entire roster
Hood: Ah, 2019 has such great potential
Smith: Yes, it does
Hood: But you know what doesn’t have potential?
Smith: I’m afraid to ask
Hood: The career of Uber Man!
Smith: Please, show a little respect! But, yes, sadly at Death March we lost one of our more unique characters. The Uber Man passed away by oding on a marijuana hit courtesy of Bob Grenier.
~We cut to Zybala who is becoming emotional~
Smith: Say what you want about Uber but he played a huge role over the past year
Hood: Helped rid us of a terrible virus
Smith: Let’s take a look at a video honoring our fallen comrade
~Smith sniffles. Hood appears to be swiping left and right on his phone~
Smith: Some sad, sad stuff
Hood: Uh, yea, sure…whatever. So, what’s next?
Smith: Uber you will be missed! But, yes, the show must roll on. Up next is the award for Match of the Year!
Hood: Hot damn!
Smith: Here to present the award is The Eastern European!
Hood: He still works here?
Smith: Yes, Hood…yes he does!
~The Eastern European stumbles onto stage. He gives an awkward wave to the crowd. The people in attendance respond with a good, strong ovation. EE is a likable guy, after all. He’s got TWO trophies and one envelope~
Eastern European: HELLO EVERYBODY! The night is good, yes? Yes!
~The crowd claps~
Eastern European: The pleasure of being here is all of mine! The thanks I am to be giving is huge. But first I must be announcing match of the year! Nominees are…
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~The Eastern European tears open the envelope and eagerly reads the winner~
Eastern European: The winner is being…Matt the Mayo against One who is Incredible!! This is GREAT news, yes? YES!
~The crowd pops for the winning match (I mean, c’mon, it was a great one!) Matt Meyhu stands up and looks around…no TIO is to be found. So, he shrugs and heads on stage, snaring both awards~
Matt Meyhu: Given the effort it took to carry TIO for sixty minutes I think it’s safe to say I deserve both of these trophies. Thank you.
~Meyhu walks off stage. We spot the OCW Title around his waist, mostly covered by his sports coat~
Smith: Classic Meyhu
Hood: Thank goodness…I’m tired of this good guy Meyhu bullshit
Smith: It’s hard to argue with the choice made by the voters…although the triple threat from Lost at Sea was amazing
Hood: All those matches were awesome…even the one with the fucking bunny
Smith: Indeed. This could be the beginning of a huge night for our champion
Hood: The Champ needs to grab an aisle seat…guy might be getting up more than an alcoholic on a six hour flight
Smith: Indeed
~We cut to footage of the purple vehicle flying off a Key West road and slamming into a beachside tree. THE PROTECTOR goes flying through the windshield, slamming into the sand. We’ll assume he’s okay. The hooded female emerges from her car. The sounds of sirens fill the air. The cops are coming. She takes off, running from the crash site. Her feet hit the sand and she pauses~
Smith: What is she doing?
Hood: She’s conflicted, Smith! She normally WALKS along the beach…she never runs. My goodness, talk about internal conflict! This might be the most character development we've seen out of 'hooded female' since she first stepped foot in OCW!
~The Hooded Figure calmly walks along the beach. The seaside breeze blows against her body. She stops and contemplates some type of emotional bullshit for a second. A few seconds later she’s tackled by three large cops~
Cop: DOWN ON THE GROUND! GET DOWN YOU DAMN DIRTY DRUNK!
~We cut away~
Smith: Alright well another drunk driver removed from the road with only one potential casualty
Hood: Not to make anyone emotional…but I bet Uber would be proud
Smith: *begins to sob, lightly*
Hood: Geezus…let’s get to our next presenter!
~A generic looking person walks onto the stage with a trophy and envelope. He’s dressed in the most generic clothing imaginable. We’ll just go ahead and call him John Doe~
John Doe: Hello everyone. I am here to present the award for best OOC member of 2018. I’m not really sure why we’re giving this award away on an IC show but, hey, Classic OCW and all that jazz. My name is Meta Man, by the way. Anyway…here are the nominees for OOC Member of the Year
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~Meta Man opens the envelope~
Meta Man: And the winner is…THE LOST SOUL!!!!!
~TLS calmly gets up and hustles onto stage. He thanks Meta Man and grabs his award~
TLS: I can only imagine this has everything to do with Virtual OCW. So, armed with that knowledge, I’d like to thank the one and only MURPHY THE BODY for helping me achieve this award.
~TLS exits the stage with his award. We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Some interesting names up for that award
Hood: Yea I’m beginning to think a strong twitter presence and OOC drama are correlated.
Meta Man: Get off my gimmick
Hood: The fuck did that come from?
Smith: Given the guy’s name I don’t think an explanation is really necessary. Anyway, let’s move on to our next award!
Hood: Beginning to fly through these!
Smith: I could draw this out, if you’d like
Hood: Fuck off…it’s new year’s! Hurrrrrry up!
Meta Man: Ahem
Hood: Fuckin hell! Again?!
Smith: You’re being watched, Hood
Hood: I REALLY hope this doesn’t become a thing in 2019
Smith: You can never tell around here…anyway, here to present the award for Finisher of the Year is none other than…Sugar Valentine!
~Sugar emerges with PRIMO suit on, along with a pimpin hat…he’s got a high dollar cane keeping his walk in rhythm. A trophy along with an envelope are under his free arm. He reaches the podium and gives a smile and wink to Zybala. Zybala tries to get up but he’s held back by all the members of OUTSIDERS CW~
Sugar Valentine: Yo, yo, chill down Mikey Z. Sugar doesn’t want you gettin sick, not before Sugar teaches you a thing or two about respect in the near future.
~The crowd goes ‘ooohhh’. Zybala appears more than frustrated. JAM G tries to calm him down~
Sugar Valentine: But I ain’t got time for some small fry. Sugar’s out here to take care of business. So, let’s get to it. The nominees for Finisher of the Year…and, I swear, each one of these mother fuckers better pay Sugar the full price if they finish.
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~We cut back to Sugar slicing the envelope open with a switch blade. He flashes a pretty serious glare Zybala’s way before reading the winner~
Sugar Valentine: And the winner of Finisher of the Year…THE EGO TRIP!!!!!
~Meyhu gets up and hands his trophies over to Ezra for safe keeping. He hustles up and receives his THIRD trophy. Sugar hands Meyhu a business card in case he needs help partying tonight. Meyhu furtively slides the card into his pocket before facing the podium~
Matt Meyhu: Thanks, Sugar! I like this guy already! Finisher of the Year? Sounds about right!
~Meyhu takes his award and he heads back to his seat. We cut to Smith and Hood~
Smith: And another award goes to Matt Meyhu
Hood: The Champ is doing tonight what he’s done all year…DOMINATE
Smith: 2018 has been a great year for Matt Meyhu…one of the best years for any wrestler in company history. And, well, what a year overall it’s been here in OCW! So many memories…ups, downs, all arounds…this was truly a year to remember
Hood: Yea, I can’t believe we’re still doing this shit but, hey, as long as we’re having fun and pissing idiots off then why close?
Smith: Right…before we get into the final portion of tonight’s awards, let’s take a look back on all the major happenings from 2018!
~We cut back to the live feed~
Smith: Some great memories with many more to come!
Hood: Man I forgot all about Tommy Crimson
Smith: Yea, year started out with such promise for Mr. Crimson until he ultimately flamed out
Meta Man: Seriously?
Smith: Sorry about that! Well now we get into the final portion of tonight’s event. And it all starts with the coveted FACE of the year!
Hood: It’s got to be Aidan Collins
Smith: Different kind of face. Here to give out the award is last year’s winner…Curt Canon!
~Canon emerges from behind the stage toting the envelope and award. He receives a mixed reaction from the fans~
Curt Canon: Crazy what can happen in a year! Last year you were all cheering me…this year, not so much. Just goes to show what happens when someone discovers a mind of their own. Anyway, onto the award for FACE of the year...
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~We cut back to the live feed~
Curt Canon: And the award of Face of the Year goes to…ED HOUSTON!!!
~Ed, with one award already under his proverbial belt, rushes up the steps and onto the stage. Curt shakes his head, looking at his rival~
Curt Canon: You just can’t escape my shadow, can you? I look forward to seeing you as a HEEL this time, next year
~Ed rips the award away from Curt. Curt doesn’t really seem to mind. He heads off stage leaving THE ROCKET MAN at the podium~
Ed Houston: What an awesome award! A whole year of Canon running around with the FACE of the YEAR trophy has obviously diminished the prestige. So I look forward to making this award great again! Here’s to a tremendous, high flying 2019!
~The crowd goes wild for Ed. We spot Curt in the crowd, rolling his eyes~
Smith: A tremendous achievement for Ed Houston! He’s having a great night…could he outshine Meyhu this evening?
Hood: Normally I’d say no way…but after the year Ed put together, I’ll never doubt the kid
Smith: It feels as though Ed’s getting ready to really break out and do some great things. Face of the Year is a huge achievement…arguably the greatest achievement of his OCW career
Hood: Yea, it’s not bad…but HEEL of the year is where it’s at!
Smith: Well, we’re all entitled to our own opinion. Speaking of the aforementioned award…here to present this year’s HEEL of the Year is…Hood?
~Smith suddenly realizes Hood has left his side and is standing at the podium with an envelope and trophy~
Hood: Got to love HEEL of the year! Sure, sure the good guys are nice and they sign autographs and they go around shaking hands…but it’s the BAD guys that draw money. You don’t believe me? Well fuck you! Now, the nominees for Heel of the Year…
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~We cut back to the live feed~
Hood: And the winner of Heel of the Year…fingers crossed, c’mon King Infinity…the winner is…MATT MEYHU!!!!!
~Meyhu stands up to a strong ovation. The fans obviously respect what this man has done throughout 2018. He walks up onto the stage, unaware of Hood’s comment before revealing the winner~
Hood: Here you go, CHAMP!
~Hood, not wanting to agitate the giant athlete standing before him, hands over the trophy along with a hearty congratulation~
Matt Meyhu: Thank you, thank you! Here’s hoping I don’t lose my voice before the REAL achievements are given out. To the other candidates, take note…this is how you become the FACE of a promotion.
~Meyhu heads back to his seat~
Smith: Shots fired by the OCW Champion?
Hood: Maybe…we all know he’s got Paras next. However, I have to believe Meyhu has his eye on King Infinity
Smith: Indeed…Marcus Welsh, before his demotion, made it VERY obvious he was moving on from Meyhu and into the camp of Aidan Collins
Hood: I predict this time, next year Aidan Collins is collecting all these awards
Smith: I wouldn’t bet against him. We’ve already seen just how talented he is inside those ropes. Alright, moving on we’ve got FEUD of the Year. We’ve seen some epic wars waged in 2018 and now we get to find out who the fans voted for top feud! Here to present the award is OCW’s head of HR….Cap Slock!
~Cap Slock walks out onto the stage with two trophies and an envelope. He is composed and all business, as usual. We spot an OCW employee sprint toward the podium, adjusting the volume on the mic. Cap Slock appears miffed but goes about his business~
Cap Slock: FEUDS ARE A MASSIVE PART OF A WRESTLING PROMOTION. WITHOUT GOOD FEUDS INTEREST WOULD WANE. AND NOBODY LIKES TO WANE. WITH WANING COMES DARKNESS AND THE DARKNESS BRINGS FREAKS LIKE THAT VAMPIRE GUY OUT. ANYWAY, THE NOMINEES FOR FEUD OF THE YEAR ARE…
~We cut back to the live feed where Cap Slock appears ready~
Cap Slock: CURT CANON VERSUS ED HOUSTON. MATT MEYHU VERSUS THE INCREDIBLE ONE. BOB GRENIER VERSUS CHAD VARGAS. JULLIET BROOKS VERSUS MELINDA RHODES. MATT MEYHU VERSUS MIKE ZYBALA. THE INCREDIBLE ONE VS. SAXON ROWE. BROCODE VERSUS LEGENDARY TRIFECTA.
~Cap Slock pauses and opens up the envelope. While doing so he hums a tune~
Cap Slock: OH, I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY
~Several members in the crowd bob their heads and shimmy their shoulders along to the surprisingly in tune shout humming of Cap Slock. He finally reveals the winner~
Cap Slock: AND THE WINNERS OF FEUD OF THE YEAR…CURT CANON VERSUS ED HOUSTON!!!!!
~The crowd cheers! It’s a popular choice (as they all should be given the voting system). Ed and Curt make their way onto the stage. There is a slight moment of hesitation/tension~
Cap Slock: GENTLEMEN, PLEASE…THIS IS AN EVENING OF CELEBRATION. FIND YOUR DECORUM!
~Canon snares his trophy and the mic~
Curt Canon: Ed, you’re welcome
~Canon walks off stage to a chorus of boos. The Rocket Man shrugs, unfazed by Curt’s arrogance~
Ed Houston: It’s been a great night for The Rocket Man! Despite what Curt may think of me, I’m glad we won this award together. This feud has done us both a world of good and I have a feeling it’s far from over. I look forward to seeing you in the ring in 2019, Curt.
~The crowd goes wild. They definitely seem eager to see another Curt Canon/Ed Houston battle. Ed heads back to his seat~
Smith: A tremendous night for Ed Houston. He’s captured THREE awards
Hood: I feel like we’ve been all over his dick up to this point so I’ll refrain from saying anything positive.
Smith: I guess we all have our reasons. Curt and Ed certainly had one of the better feuds in OCW history. Their match at Serial Thrillers was an epic battle which closed out one of the greatest divisions in company history. Ed has had the upper hand throughout most of their battles…can the veteran, hall of famer rebound in 2019?
Hood: No fucking doubt
Smith: Well, okay then. Alright folks we’re down to just two awards remaining. So, let’s bring out the presenter for Most Charismatic Wrestler of 2018…please welcome Belvedere!
~Belvedere steps out looking as composed as ever. The crowd anxiously awaits the announcement. Belvedere takes in a breath and CLEARS HIS THROAT. The place goes wild!~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time to reveal The Most Charismatic Wrestler of 2018!! The nominees for Most Charismatic are…
I WANNA FEEL THE HEAT WITH SOMEBODY
YEAH, I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY
WITH SOMEBODY WHO LOVES ME
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~We cut back to the live feed and a close up of Belvedere’s majestic stache~
Belvedere: And the winner of 2018’s Most Charismatic Award is…OGDA!!!!!
~OGDA pops up with a cat in his arms. He hands it off and rushes toward the stage. He leaps onto the stage, bypassing the steps and snares his trophy! He holds it up high as the fans chant “OGDA!” He leaps off the stage and hustles back to his seat~
Smith: So happy for OGDA! He deserved that award
Hood: I don’t know what he’s going to nickname that award
Smith: How do you mean?
Hood: It already ends in a y…trophy. Kinda puts a hard stop on his nicknaming process
Smith: I…I don’t get it
Hood: Belty?
Smith: OH! Well, I’m sure he’ll think of something…the man is full of charisma, ya know
Hood: I guess
Smith: I look for OGDA to be a breakout star in 2019. He could have an Ed Houston type year
Hood: We really need to get rid of Zybala
Smith: Speaking of…our esteemed GM is on stage!
Hood: SON OF A WHORE
~Zybala is, indeed, on stage. He clears his throat while standing in front of the podium. He’s got the WRESTLER OF THE YEAR trophy in his hand and an envelope nestled atop the podium, in front of him~
Mike Zybala: Before we get to the Wrestler of the Year I just wanted to thank everyone for their support throughout 2018. It was a year unlike any other for yours truly. One of the best years in this business I’ve ever experienced. I am thrilled to head into 2019 as your new General Manager and it is my hope that Marcus sticks around, fulfilling his role as Commissioner.
~The fans chant ‘ZYBALA!’ OCW’s new GM pauses, soaking in the cheers before getting back on point~
Mike Zybala: Now, as you’re all aware, a wrestler cannot be eligible for Hall of Fame consideration unless he or she makes the Memorable Wrestler list. So, I’d like to announce the wrestlers from 2018 who made…the list!
Vincent Langston
~Zybala’s voice cracks, slightly~
The Uber Man
~The fans give a strong ovation for the list of Memorable Wrestlers from 2018. It’s a big list, we know. But, hey, these people WERE memorable. Zybala returns to the task at hand~
Mike Zybala: And now…the nominees for Wrestler of the Year
Melinda Rhodes
Aidan Collins
OGDA
Mike Harrison
Andrea Hernandez
Hellraven
Eon Night
Jacob Hotstuff
Axel Veiga
Muffles the Bunny
and…
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~We cut back to OCW GM Mike Zybala~
Mike Zybala: And the winner of 2018’s Wrestler of the Year…MATT MEYHU!!!!!
~The crowd gives a strong ovation for a very deserving winner. Matt Meyhu stands up with a very fake looking ‘surprised’ face. He hustles up onto the stage and looks down at Zybala. Mike hands him the opulent Wrestler of the Year trophy and backs away. The figure adorning the trophy looks an awful lot like Scott Syren. Meyhu scowls at this~
Matt Meyhu: Might need to re-imagine the default sculpture of this trophy. You should get on that first thing, GM.
~Zybala nods and mouths “Uber might be a good image” Meyhu never looks Zybala’s way so he misses the ridiculous idea of our new GM~
Matt Meyhu: Wrestler of the Year…what can I say that hasn’t already been said? I defeated The Clientele, all by myself. I defeated my fellow Aptitude members, all by myself. I put down Hall of Famers. And I even massacred the legendary Scott Syren. This was a typical year in the life of Matt Meyhu and it’s nice to be recognized. So that leaves me with just one question…what’s the deal with the Hall of Fame voting?
~The crowd murmurs, wondering the same thing. Meyhu takes his trophy and heads back to his seat, watching the podium, awaiting an answer~
Mike Zybala: Your guess is as good as mine, Matty Mayo. The HOF is technically Welsh’s department…at least until next year. However, I do have a few more announcements to make…the December Awards!
~The crowd gets excited. They love awards!~
Mike Zybala: Didn’t think we’d have these, did ya? Well, after that epic Death March event we just had to give some out. These awards will count toward the 2019 Year End Awards Show
Smith: Toward NEXT year’s show?
Hood: What the…
Smith: But that doesn’t really make sense
Hood: Classic OCW?
Mike Zybala: If you’d turn your attentions toward the screen behind me.
Newcomer
Improved
Underrated
Angle
Match
OOC
Finishing Move
Face
Heel
Feud
Charismatic
Wrestler
the Queenslayer Legion
Roach
Eon Night
Return of CJ O’Donnell
Team Maurako vs. Team Collins
Aidan Collins
Scars of War
Mario Maurako
Aidan Collins
Mario Maurako vs. Aidan Collins
Matt Meyhu
Perfect Paul Paras
~We cut back to Zybala giving the award winners a round of applause~
Mike Zybala: Looks like a great start to 2019! Congratulations to all the winners and I can’t wait to see you all compete inside an OCW ring next year!
~Zybala exits the stage. We are thrown back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: And, well…is that it?
Hood: Fucking hope so…I’ve got shit to do. It’s New Year’s Eve!
Smith: That it is…well folks, it appears as though that’s all the time we have this evening. So for Hood I’m Smith saying so…
Smith: What the…
Hood: Shit yea! Lurrr’s here to get sloshed with me on New Year’s Eve!
Smith: OR he’s here for a far more important reason…
I used to be broke, confused..no joke
~OCW Hall of Famer and THREE TIME OCW Champion, Lurrr steps out onto the stage. He’s dressed as nice as a male human being can dress. He’s got nothing in his hands aside from ten fingers and two palms. He approaches the podium and speaks~
Lurrr: Ah so I see this place hasn’t imploded yet under Zybala’s leadership. That’s nice. Look, I know we’ve all got shit to do tonight. It’s New Year’s Eve, after all. So I’ll make this quick. I’m here about the Hall of Fame voting. A month ago several names were released. These names were eligible for OCW Hall of Fame voting. In order to get inducted a name had to appear on 70% of the ballots.
~The crowd rises with excitement~
Lurrr: I’ve got the results right here!
~Lurrr reaches into his sports coat pocket and removes what looks to be a very simple EXCEL spreadsheet print out~
Lurrr: Now, I’ve been informed that any name which failed to appear on a single ballot will no longer be eligible for the Hall of Fame. Alright…here we go…gonna start from the bottom
~Lurrr clears his throat~
Lurrr: The names which received ZERO percent…Big Daddy G, Slim Shady, Johnny Hunter, Special K, and Kreller Masters. Always nice to trim a little fat!
~Lurrr’s eyes scroll down to the next batch of names~
Lurrr: The following names appeared on five percent of the ballots…Andrew Logan and Top Dog.
Smith: Tough numbers but at least they’ll be back on the ballot next year!
Hood: Yea man…more than you can say for Slim Shady! Guy’s been dead since 2001 and he’s still getting fucked over
Smith: I honestly don’t know what to say
Lurrr: The following name appeared on 11% of the ballots…Goldie!
Smith: Ah, Goldie
Hood: Surprised he got more votes than Logan AND Top Dog. Or Slim Shady for that matter
Smith: Must be the name
Lurrr: The following names appeared on 17% of the ballots…Everlast and Jason Stone!
Smith: Two great wrestlers handicapped by doing most of their damage during forgotten eras
Hood: Oh yea, I remember both of those guys…Everlast won a rumble with just as many top names as last month’s Death March
Smith: Indeed
Lurrr: Alright…and now we get to the names that actually had a fucking chance. The names appearing on 56% percent of the ballots…Jin Royale and PerZag!
Smith: Strong showing for PerZag in his first HOF opportunity!
Hood: Yep but an even more important showing for Royale. Guy might actually get in at some point
Smith: He deserves it. He was the ‘face’ of OCW during his era
Lurrr: Well fuck me…that just leaves one name, doesn’t it? Did he earn enough? Let’s fine out…
~Lurrr pauses and glances at Meyhu. The champ is doing everything he can to not appear nervous~
Lurrr: Matt Meyhu…the Marvel…the two time OCW Champion…the 2018 Wrestler of the Year. How many ballots did his name appear on? Did he reach the 70% plateau…hmmm
~The crowd is growing restless. Ezra is heard yelling “GET ON WITH IT!” Meyhu leans back in his chair, trying to appear relaxed~
Lurrr: Wow, this was SO close. Damn. With his name appearing on only 72% of the ballots…THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE OCW HALL OF FAME…“THE MARVEL” MATT MEYHU!!
~The crowd goes wild! Meyhu lets out a furtive sigh. He gets to his feet with his typical confidence. He’s got a LIME wheelbarrow and uses it to wheel down all of his awards. He gets on stage. Lurrr opens up his sports coat. We get a glimpse of his HOF Championship. He removes Meyhu’s HOF plaque. He hands it over to the champ. Meyhu, with his wheel barrow next to the podium, accepts the plaque and looks down at Lurrr, extending his hand~
Smith: These two seemed to find a level of respect for one another at Death March…will that respect hold?
Hood: Lurrr has never played nice with others. Hell, he turned on Dean back in 2014!
Smith: Lurrr does what’s best for Lurrr
~Lurrr reaches out and shakes Meyhu’s hand! The fans applaud the show of respect. Meyhu leans in to speak, but Lurrr jumps in front of him~
Lurrr: Before this guy tells you all how great he is…I’ve got something to say. Meyhu, I know you’ve got Paras coming up and, trust me when I say you are going to have to wrestle the match of your life if you expect to beat him. But, once you’re schedule clears up I’m letting you know that if you want a shot at the HOF Title…well, buddy, you’ve got one!
~The crowd goes wild! Chants of “YES!” echo throughout the arena. Meyhu looks at the HOF Title around Lurrr’s waist. Lurrr backs away, motioning that the podium is all Meyhu’s. The Marvel speaks~
Matt Meyhu: That is a nice looking title. Just one more accomplishment I can add to my ever growing list. I’ll get back to you, Lurrr. But, as you said, first I need to dispose of another legend…Paul Paras.
~The fans are buzzing over the anticipation of that match. It’s going to be fucking awesome~
Matt Meyhu: There’s so much I can say right now but OCW didn’t hire me to drone on and on during award shows. They hired me to draw ratings! So tune in to Massacre next Monday where I will give a full induction speech! Until then, enjoy the New Year’s and rest easy knowing that Matt Meyhu won ALL the important awards!
~The crowd gives Meyhu a standing ovation. He’s not, like, the best guy ever or anything…the man is just the best wrestler in OCW at the moment. The fans recognize everything he’s given to OCW…everything he’s done for OCW…and they are truly appreciative~
Smith: Congratulations to Matt Meyhu! The man is a transcendent level wrestler…his presence has ushered in a new level of star previously unattainable.
Hood: Everyone wants to beat the best, Smith. Right now, Meyhu is the best wrestler in the business. People are lining up to join OCW hoping they can get a crack at The Marvel.
Smith: Indeed…can Paul Paras dethrone Matt Meyhu? Or, will it be Aidan Collins? Vincent Langston? Ed Houston? Mario Maurako? Silver Cyanide? Mack O’Connor? Chad Vargas? PerZag? Bob Grenier? Or a new name that rises up the ranks? OCW returns one week from tonight where answers to all these questions will begin to emerge! So, until then…enjoy the New Year celebrations, everyone! Stay safe and have a great time!
~We cut to advertisements for Throwback~
Got used, smoked dope, paid dues
Refused to give up quick,
Now theres 10 million motherfuckers on my dick