OCW Presents: The Greatest Show on Earth
LIVE! Monday, June 11th 2018
From Inside the OCW Circus Tent @ Papillion, Nebraska
~The desolation of Papillion, Nebraska is shown. It’s a mid-summer afternoon. The blazing sun beats down on the tall, dried grass of a forgotten field. The rows of sun burned blades cascade back and forth for miles. All is quiet. It feels as though civilization hasn’t touched this place, well, ever. A shadow approaches. It’s the silhouette of a fairly well built man. He steps into view and is instantly recognized. It’s former OCW wrestler John E Depth. He’s wearing a hat – once black, now a near dirty brown. A stained t-shirt and super tight jeans cover the majority of his body. A pair of boots cap off the man’s attire. His jeans are so tight we see the outline of his penis…it sets ever so snugly to the right. He bends over and picks up a blade of grass. He sticks it into his mouth and begins to chew – instantly spitting it out~
John E Depth: Blegh! That shit is gross. I think a bug got in my mouth
~Depth picks at his teeth. A voice off camera is heard. Depth yanks his hand out of his mouth and refocuses, staring out over the vacant field. A shadow approaches from behind, standing at his side. The hair atop the shadow’s head is wild and untamed. Once within view we recognize former OCW wrestler, Shootah. He, too, stares out over the field~
John E Depth: I don’t know why we’ve been led all the way out here, Shootah
Shootah: Beats me, yo.
~The wind picks up with sudden intent. Embedded within the aggressive breeze is a voice – faint at first. It picks up in volume. The voice sounds an awful lot like Jack Puffer. But, we can’t be certain~
Voice: If you build it – THEY will come.
~Shootah and Depth look at one another. They do an extremely bad job of acting shocked~
Shootah: You hear that, yo?
John E Depth: I sure did. There’s only one thing left to do.
~John E Depth reaches down and reveals a shovel. He hands it to his African American friend, Shootah. Shootah hesitantly accepts. Time passes. The sun sets, the moon rises. Days which feel like weeks crawl by. We revisit the situation. Shootah is busy digging many holes while Depth walks around, surveying the area. Shootah pauses, breathing heavily, looking up at Depth~
Shootah: You gonna help, yo?
John E Depth: I am helping – I’m managing the situation.
Shootah: I don’t know, B…but this feels kinda racist.
~Depth and Shootah look right at the camera. Several nervous murmurs sound out from behind our viewpoint. It seems to be the angst filled voices of the people in charge, realizing the heinous imagery they are producing. We quickly cut to a scene, days into the future. Shootah continues to dig but, alongside him we spot Depth, Puffer, Vortex, and Debris all working much harder. They are without water whereas Shootah has three brand new YETI containers at his disposal. The situation has been rectified. So, they keep digging and digging. They stop every once in a while to wipe the sweat from their brow – out of their eyes. More days pass, the digging continues. Time picks up speed like a show running several times over its designated speed. Stakes appear and are driven into the ground. Ropes are strategically tied and hammered into place. A giant crimson and beige tent is erected. The speed slows to normal time. Depth and Shootah stand, proudly, in front of the ridiculously large tent they have erected in the middle of this Nebraskan field~
John E Depth: Not bad, old friend. Not bad at all.
Shootah: No doubt, yo. But, where are THEY?
~The wind picks up very much like before. The voice returns~
Voice: If you build it – THEY will come.
~Depth and Shootah appear confused~
John E Depth: Build WHAT? We already built this damn super tent!
Shootah: I have an idea. You think, like, because we are wrestlers maybe we should, I don’t know, put a wrestling ring in there? Set up some bleachers?
~More terrible acting ensues as Depth’s eyes widen to a ridiculous degree. He pats Shootah on the back and, together, they enter into the tent. As they do, a very rough cut takes place instead of what was supposed to be an unnoticeable, seamless cut. It makes it very obvious we’ve jumped from one time to another. But, we’ll just go with it. They walk into the tent and, instantly after the rough cut, we see what was once a bare tent filled with empty bleachers and an official OCW wrestling ring. The ropes are a mixture of beige and crimson. The mat is beige. The apron is crimson. It’s all themed for the event. Depth and Shootah stand around, waiting~
Voice: If you build it – THEY will come.
John E Depth: Now what?
Shootah: Yo, like, maybe we need some wrestlers?
~Shootah tries to whistle but, instead, spits all over his two fingers. So, Depth just yells out. We see a number of generic wrestlers step into the ring. One appears to be a technician. Another is obviously a high flyer. The third we locate is probably a brawler. And, well, this collection wouldn’t be complete without the resident MMA wannabe. They get into the ring and wrestle. There’s no fanfare. Nothing all that special. It’s just a bunch of bland archetypes doing their thing. Depth and Shootah take a seat on the bench, watching~
John E Depth: Go check outside, see if they have arrived.
~Shootah hustles outside. He emerges from inside the tent with a wide smile. Unfortunately, he approaches a Christmas tree devoid of gifts. His smile is eviscerated. He looks around the darkening Nebraskan landscape with disappointment. The land is as desolate as ever. He sulks back inside, sitting next to Depth who appears very bored with the in ring entertainment~
Shootah: They ain’t here, yo.
John E Depth: Seriously? What more do we have to do?!
Voice: If you build it – THEY will come.
~A voice that once brought comfort and direction now resonates with confusion. Depth leans forward with his chin in his hands, staring at the scene taking place in the center of the opulent tent. He leans back, exasperated, throwing his hands in the air~
Shootah: Yo, maybe we need better wrestlers?
John E Depth: Well, shit. Might as well try that, right? I mean, otherwise we built this fucking thing for nothing. Alright, Shootah…go gather up some of the best wrestlers you know.
~Shootah cheerily scurries off to procure his A-list of talent. We cut to a shot of a ring full of NEW wrestlers. They are easily recognizable. We spot Vortex spinning around the ring while Debris drops pieces of trash. Paralysis is busy displaying his lack of talent. Truda is stretching out in the corner. We even locate MAMMALSAUCE. He’s dancing around, happily. Depth leans back, snapping his fingers, smiling. This is his kinda scene. Shootah overlooks the in ring happenings like a proud papa~
John E Depth: Not bad, Shootah. Not bad at all. Now, go check outside…surely they have come.
Shootah: Oh, no doubt.
~Shootah sprints outside, eager to greet all the patrons. He bursts through the two flaps serving as the entrance to the tent and spots a horrifying scene. The grass is blowing away. The trees are dying. All bugs and animals are running from the scene as though it were some type of cataclysmic, life ending event. Shootah looks around the scene with a frightened gaze. He stumbles backwards, falling inside the tent. He crabwalks parallel to Depth. Depth looks down at his friend, nonplussed~
John E Depth: The hell is wrong with you?
Shootah: Ain’t nobody comin, yo. They all LEAVIN.
John E Depth: Seriously? We’ve somehow made it WORSE? Please, voice, help us! Show us the way! Just one little clue…something, anything! We’re at the end of our rope here!
~Depth collapses to the ground, next to Shootah. He’s all out of ideas. All out of energy. All out of hope. The situation seems lost. Depth is broken, Shootah is confused and Paralysis just pinned somebody. It’s a damn tragedy. Then, suddenly, as if on cue a lightning bolt strikes from the top of the tent, into the center of the ring~
Lightning Bolt: KABOOMPLOWBANGSLAM!!!
~Smoke remains where the lightning bolt struck. It clears. From within the smoke we spot the ghostly image of OCW legend SCOTT SYREN! He’s butt naked, naturally. But his muscles are as huge as ever. He grabs Vortex and Debris by the throat and tosses them out of the ring, into the bleachers. He snares Mammalsauce and hurls him out of the ring, through the flaps, exiting the tent. He basically kills Truda – we won’t go into detail how. And, finally, he gives Paralysis something to be paralyzed about. Finally, he leaps over the top rope and lands on his two feet. He marches up to Shootah and Depth. Both Shootah and Depth stand, in awe. Syren’s massive dick sways side to side as he nears them. He places his left hand on Shootah’s right shoulder and his right hand on Depth’s left shoulder~
Scott Syren: If you build it – THEY will cum.
~Depth and Shootah nod with wonder in their eyes. Syren violently slams their skulls together, knocking them out. He then produces a very high pitched, efficient whistle with his two fingers. Silverfreak, Scorpion, and Silver Cyanide all approach the ring. Syren meets them at the ring. Before Syren can step through the ropes, Silverfreak tosses him a pair of official SILVERCOLA swim trunks. Reluctantly, Syren slips them over his naked lower half and steps through the ropes. A tag team match for the AGES ensues. Suddenly, the iconic voices of Hood and Smith are piped into the tent~
Smith: What a match we’ve got in front of us, Hood!
Hood: Why do they always have to make Syren wear pants?
Smith: Do you really have to ask that question?
Hood: I do like to investigate the important topics
~The images of Syren, Freak, Cyanide, and Scorpion vanish. In their place we get Lurrr, Bifford, Murray, and TGO doing battle. Their images disappear and in their place we get Maurako, Paras, El Linchador, and Titan 3. Their images slowly fade and in their place we get Jin Royale, Jason Stone, Jack Sullivan, and Josh Allen. Their images vanquish much like the rest. In their place we get MJ Bell, Pryde, Brianna Casablancas, and Mia Stone~
Smith: Look at this new age of OCW stars, Hood! They are doing the legends proud!
Hood: Yea, I guess…even if there’s only one man in there.
Smith: Talk about an industry in the midst of evolution.
Hood: WAIT…Brianna IS a woman, isn’t she?
Smith: STOP
~The aforementioned four blink out. We then are given a shot of Awe.Some taking on Supreme Machine and Ricky Rhodes~
Smith: Those Valdez brothers are destined for great things here in OCW!
Hood: Yea, they are pretty Awe.Some
Smith: Not your best
~They, too, like the rest vanish into thin air. In their place we are given PerZag, Alice Knight, Mack O’Connor, and CJ O’Donnell~
Smith: OCW 2017 is as talented as ever! Led by the world’s heroin Alice Knight!
Hood: Fuck that shit, PerZag is the man leading this charge!
Smith: Mack’s looking strong…is he going to hit CJ over the head with that picnic basket?
Hood: Depends on what kind of beer is packed inside
~And, like all the others, they, too vanish. We then get a stream of current OCW stars standing in the ring. It starts with Curt Canon and Muffles standing opposite one another. It shifts to Josie Barnes and Ed Houston. Next up we get Tommy Crimson and Julliet Brooks. After that we are shown Chad Vargas with a somewhat faded image of Grenier…a question mark lingers above his head. And, finally, we get to the prestige. We get Matt Meyhu flashing an arrogant gaze across the ring at his determined adversary, The Incredible One. The view suddenly pulls back away from the ring…it turns toward the exit, flying through the flaps, giving us a night view of the once barren landscape. A cavalcade of vehicular headlights, bumper to bumper are fighting to get in. The once desolate field is brimming with lit up concession stands, fans, merchandise and verbal commotion. Our view shifts into the sky…the banner for The Greatest Show on Earth unfolds from the heavens. The sky shifts from night to present day. We cut, instantly inside the OCW tent which is packed full of screaming OCW fans!! They are chanting “OCW! OCW! OCW!” The ring sets atop a dirt surface, right in the middle of the tent. A giant circle of bleachers surround the ring. It’s only break comes for the entry and exit flaps. There is a giant barricade, about six feet high. It’s themed in the crimson and beige stripes. There is a four sided 'scoreboard' type monstrosity hanging above the ring - much like what you'd see at an NBA game. It's displaying all the action that takes place OUTSIDE of the tent. It's very high above the ring. After being given the overall layout of the interior we cut to Smith and Hood who are nestled at the very top of one of the bleacher sections, looking down upon the chaotic scene~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to The Greatest Show on Earth!! What a night we have in store for you all…five matches featuring ten extraordinary talents. I for one cannot wait!
Hood: Yea, I swore I’d never visit the state of Nebraska. But, here I am. Thanks a lot, Meyhu. Thanks a lot, TIO.
Smith: If there is one match worth visiting Nebraska for, that would be the one. But my oh my we have so much more!
Hood: Well not TOO much more…I mean that pussy Grenier is dodging Vargas something fierce
Smith: There is that…Chad Vargas has an opportunity to compete in a #1 Contenders match for an OCW Title shot…the catch is, Grenier has to accept his role as Chad’s opponent. Sounds easy, right? Well…you’d be WRONG. Bob Grenier wants nothing to do with Professional wrestling OR Chad Vargas
Hood: The man has been castrated, Smith.
Smith: We’ll also see the first ever CRAZE Champion as Josie Barnes and Ed Houston do battle in a Bloody TLC match later this evening…a stipulation named by OCW Commissioner Mike Zybala
Hood: Gotta give credit where it’s due…solid stip…not too much credit, but some
Smith: Tommy Crimson and Julliet Brooks have been at one other’s throats all month long…their score will be settled tonight in a 450 Light Tube match
Hood: 450? That’s it? Why stop there…how about a 997 LIGHT TUBE MATCH!
Smith: Now you’re just being ridiculous. And…to open things up we’ll see former OCW Champion Curt Canon take on Muffles the Bunny in a Caged Ladder Match
Hood: Yea aesthetics of this match really took a fucking hit when Kestrel’ face got all busted up
Smith: Indeed…originally it was supposed to be Kestrel taking on Canon however…due to Checkers attack on Kestrel, she was forcefully removed from this match with Muffles being named her replacement.
Hood: Thanks a lot, Checkers.
Smith: Yes…so we have a lot to get to this evening and…wait a minute… I'm getting a message through my headset. It seems that Commissioner Zybala has set up a little concert to open up the show tonight and amp up the fans.
Hood: Oh great... Who did that retard get? The Wiggles? The Sesame Street crew?
Smith: I'm being told it's a band called "Creature Feature"???..... Never heard of them.
Hood: Probably some local nobodies. Zybala loves giving them unearned t.v. time. Look at that idiot Uber Man.
Smith: Let’s give them a chance, Hood…we all start somewhere. Let’s head over inside what I’m being told is the Zybala tent where this band will perform!
~We cut inside the Zybala tent. It’s loud. There seems to be an unpredictable vibe surrounding it. It’s several hundred yards away from the main tent. It’s obvious Zybala set this thing up without consulting Welsh. He went ROGUE. The fans cheer as they see stage crew bring out instruments and a band shortly follows~
~We cut back to Smith and Hood, inside the main tent. The fans cheer the performance…they’re drinking…they’re excited…they’ll cheer just about anything at this point~
Smith: Solid performance…if you’re looking for more music and more unpredictability, in general, head on over to the Zybala tent! Over here, however, we’ve got a show to run! Fans from all over the country have flocked to Papillion for tonight’s event. The entire roster is here, I’m told and they are ready for a groundbreaking event. Let’s cut backstage right now for a shot of the wrestlers gearing up for tonight’s event. Hood…HOOD?
Hood: I’ll be right back…I want a funnel cake
Smith: Alright, but hurry!
~~We cut to the ‘backstage’ entrance of the circus grounds. The entrance is once again guarded by a big muscular security guy. Backstage crew members and wrestlers are being let in as they show their credentials. A beat up Ford pinto rolls into the scene with smoke coming out of the exhaust. The backdoor swings open and the familiar sight of Tony the Spider appears on screen. His mullet is flawless and his fanny pack is as awesome as ever. Tony walks up to the security guard and offers a hand shake. The guard looks at him, and then at his hand~
Guard: You again?
Tony: (waits a couple seconds for the guard to reach out his hand, after he doesn’t Tony shakes the air) Hahahahaha. Glad to see you too. We can chalk last week up to a big misunderstanding. But seeing as today is the big day, I have to get inside so I can make my big announcement.
Guard: (shakes his head) You gotta show me that you have access.
~A male wrestler wearing a hooded sweater that covers his face pushes through Tony and flashes his badge and is waved through. We can barely get a glimpse of him on tv but Tony recognizes him~
Tony: Hey! Hey! TLS! TLS. It’s me Tony the Spider. Tell him to let me through. Tell him you know me and that I am a wrestler in the OCW.
~The unidentified wrestlers doesn’t even stop and then quickly vanishes backstage~
Tony: (looks up at the guard) He knows me man. He knows me.
Guard: (folds his arms and shakes his head) Sorry man. Can’t let you through.
Tony: (reaches into his fanny pack) What if I gave you this?
~The guard slowly drifts his hand towards his taser. Tony pulls out an autographed picture of himself. The guard shakes his head~
Guard. Don’t make me tase you again man.
~Tony quickly puts the picture back into his fanny pack~
Tony: What if we call Mr. Welsh again. If he says he knows me will you let me through?
Guard: (nods his head) Sure. If the boss gives you the okay I’ll let you in.
Tony: (pulls out his cell phone then stares at it, then looks up at the guard) Okay. What’s his cell phone number?
Guard: (tries hard not to smile but shakes his head) You don’t even have his number? Man if you don’t get the fuck out of here.
~The guard draws his taser out as Tony quickly retreats. We cut back to Smith…Hood has returned and is almost done with his funnel cake~
Smith: Tony the Spider, ladies and gentlemen. I kind of feel sorry for him
Hood: This shit is fuckin good! And, if you felt so damn sorry for him…why didn’t you call down there and tell the guard to let him in?
Smith: Well, I, umm…I was too busy being distracted by the your unprofessional dietary habits!
Hood: Man I’m not even mat at that comment. That funnel cake was sooo good. I’m definitely going to have to eat another
Smith: There’s got to be like a thousand calories in those
Hood: HEY! Don’t FAT shame me. If I want one more, I’ll get one more. Just one, though. Okay?
Smith: Okay, fine. Anyway…it’s time to get tonight started with an OCW first…
Hood: Iron Man Match?
Smith: No. We’ve seen a lot of things in OCW. We’ve seen murder, whack off matches, live porn sessions, attempted murder by killer whale feeding, an inmate die via electrocution, death matches, matches in jungles, on beaches…look the point is we’ve seen a lot of stuff in OCW
Hood: Damn straight
Smith: But we’ve never seen…a Wedding!
Hood: For good reason!
Smith: And tonight…right now…that streak is finally broken! Settle in OCW fans…it’s time for former OCW Champion and Hall of Famer Bob Grenier to marry the love of his life, Danica!
Hood: Aka piss break and/or funnel cake time!
~We cut to a shot outside the tent, in the midst of the circus themed hubbub. A ceremonial stand has been erected with dozens of white chairs arranged in orderly fashion. They are filled with an eclectic menagerie of personalities. There is a sign that reads “A Grenier Wedding”. An incredibly old woman plays an organ at ringside. In the ring we have a large cake, an altar and CAP SLOCK will oversee the ceremony. He is dressed in a cheap suit and looks overly anxious. The aisle is decked out with a red carpet and a bunch of midgets lined up with baskets of rose petals~
CAP SLOCK: DEARLY BELOVED
~Bob laughs and mutters “You might want to wait for the Bride”. The crowd covers their ears after hearing the BOOMING voice of Cap Slock. The Captain clears this throat and goes to apologize. Bob, however, stops him before he can speak. Bob’s wedding party consists of The Lockwoods and Richard. Neither of them are dressed for the occasion. Richard wears a karate gui and shows off his black belt proudly, The Lockwoods are just the The Lockwoods.. Punk Rock. AKB paces around the setup, eyeing the women in the crowd while holding the rings on a pillow~
CAP SLOCK: WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY!!!
~Bob whispers something in his ear~
CAPS: OH YEAH! THAT PART COMES LATER… LOVE.. LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.. WHAT IS LOVE? LOVE IS FORNICATION. LOVE IS FREELY PASSING GAS IN FRONT OF YOUR LOVER. LOVE IS GETTING AN ERECTION AT THE SITE OF HER AND KNOWING SHE WILL TOUCH IT LOVINGLY!!
~Cap Slock hesitates. He looks over the nuptials which were handed to him at the start of the ceremony. They are unlike anything he has ever heard at a wedding before. Bob motions for CAP SLOCK to cut the speech. He motions, with his head, that it’s time for the bride~
CAP: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!! PLEASE STAND FOR THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE!!
~Half the crowd stands. The other half are indifferent and probably drunk. All of a sudden “Me & My Bitch” by Biggie begins to play… Danica does not make her way out~
Bob: Dani and I agreed to a nontraditional wedding.. If you couldn't tell! Maybe that was a little too informal. Agnes, Play the regular one.
~Agnes begins to play here comes the bride and everyone looks on in anticipation. Bob looks proud. A minute or two go by and everyone looks confused, especially Bob. Agnes stops playing and begins to play again and Danica Still does not come down the aisle. Looking hurt and confused.. Bob makes his way up the aisle quickly. The Lockwood Party and Richard follow him also voicing their concern. Back at the altar.. Everyone looks confused. To lighten the mood Me and My Bitch begins to play again. Cap Slock appears confused on what to do next~
CAP SLOCK: EVERYBODY PLEASE ENJOY THE LOVELY MUSIC CHOSEN BY THE GRENIER’S TO CELEBRATE THIS JOYFUL OCCASION. I’M SURE THE FESTIVITIES WILL RESUME SHORTLY
~Hungry, stoned and immaterial to the sanctity of a matrimonial service, several guests head for the cake and begin eating. Cap Slock tries to stop them…but they look at him like a pack of wild dogs. Cap Slock realizes he’s not making near enough money for this and takes off through the crowd. A few patrons locate the alcohol and begin to pour themselves a drink. Before you know it…the RECEPTION is underway! Women are grinding up on men. The cake is being devoured and the Canadian beer is flowing like Niagara Falls~
Smith: Typically people WAIT until AFTER the marriage ceremony before partying
Hood: Well, this is a Grenier wedding
Smith: Poor Bob…I really hope everything is okay
Hood: Yea…it sucks being stood up…but being stood up on STARZ…that’s fucking brutal
Smith: I’d like to think there’s a logical explanation for all of this. I’d also like to think that there will be enough cake and libations left over for the REAL reception, once this matter is resolved.
Hood: Nah man…she split on his ass. Everybody knows it…so why let all that cake and booze go to waste?
Smith: Well that remains to be seen…folks, that’s not exactly the start we were hoping for but I’m sure we’ll get some answers. We will keep you updated on the situation as it develops. In the meantime…we’ve got some wrestling to get to
Hood: About fucking time!
Smith: Up first we have the Caged Ladder Match with Curt Canon taking on Muffles the Bunny
Hood: It’s strange…it’s borderline bizarre…but, ya know what, I dig it
Smith: Of course you do…oh and let's not forget...Mario Maurako is going to special ref this match!
Hood: Oh fuck yea! That's right!
Smith: Wait...what's that? Are you serious?
Hood: What's wrong...did they let Tony the Spider in?
Smith: No, even worse...I'm told Mario didn't show up for tonight's event. So...no Mario everybody...sorry about that!
Hood: Two weeks in a row! What the heck is going on?
Smith: I'm not sure...but I've been told he WILL be at Massacre next Monday
Hood: I'll believe THAT when I see it
Smith: Anyway...let's head down to ringside for our opening match!
Curt Canon vs. Muffles the Bunny
~We cut inside the tent. The OCW ring sets atop a dirt surface inside a pit which resides several inches lower than the bottom row of seats in the crowd. A cell hangs above the ring, just beneath the four screen monstrosity. There is a ladder leaning up against a corner. Belvedere has a mic in his hand, standing in the middle of the ring~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is a CAGED LADDER MATCH! The winner will receive a #1 Contender’s Match at the next OCW Super Show for a SHOT at the OCW Championship!! In order to win this match a competitor must either pin or submit their opponent or escape the cell through a door located at the top of the cell. Introducing first…
~”Bad Bunny” by Radioactive Chicken Heads fills the OCW tent. The fans hop to their feet and start to bounce around BUNNY STYLE. These fans are full of energy…it’s the first match of the day! Muffles emerges through the entrance and hops his way down…he stops…performs an extra big hop into the pit!! He swings his orange bat around much to the crowd’s delight. He reaches the steps…marches up the steps and jumps over the top rope, into the ring~
Belvedere: Introducing first…from Bunnyman Bridge…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 236lbs….Muffles the Bunny!!!
~ “Figure 8” by Trust Company hits!! The crowd gets even LOUDER for the OCW Hall of Famer and former OCW Champion. Curt Canon splits through the tent flaps, posing for the crowd! A “CANON” chant shakes the tent’s foundation! He smiles, taking in the love and respect. It’s clear the man is glad to be back! He walks down the entrance…hops into the pit and rushes toward the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope. He pops to his feet, heads for the nearest corner and poses for the fans~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 155lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…he is an OCW Hall of Famer…he is….Curt Canon!!!
~Belvedere exits the ring. A ‘CANON’ chant still consumes the interior of the tent. The cell begins to lower. Muffles, holding onto his bat, remains freakishly still. He stands, facing the direction of Curt. Curt looks over at Muffles. He points at the bat, talking with Scruff. Scruff does the signature Scruff Shrug~
Smith: Curt isn’t a fan of that weapon but…given the match stipulation, I’m not sure there’s much that can be done about it.
Hood: That bat is merely there to symbolize a giant carrot, Smith
Smith: Seriously? Huh…I never got that connection
Hood: Fucking idiot
~Curt’s a laid back guy so he takes Scruff’s ruling in stride. The cell is completely lowered. The bell rings! The crowd goes wild! It’s the first match of the evening. Muffles charges at Canon with the bat! Canon ducks a near lethal blow! The bat SLAMS into the top buckle. Muffles turns around. Canon is light on his feet, bouncing around…he appears somewhat frightened. He says something along the lines of “That fucking bat!” Muffles points at Canon with the bat and begins swinging it over his head~
Smith: Muffles apparently had a game plan coming into the match
Hood: Yes…Muffles SMASH
Smith: I guess that bat is more than just a carrot, eh?
Hood: Well of course it is, Smith! I didn’t say it was LITERALLY a fucking carrot, did I?
Smith: No, I don’t suppose you did
~Muffles charges at Canon a second time. Canon locates the ladder. He grabs it and uses it to defend himself. Muffles swings with the bat…Canon blocks it with the ladder!! Canon shoves Muffles back. He thrusts the ladder forward, toward the gut of the bunny. Muffles knocks the ladder away using the bat. Muffles swings the bat at Canon’s head…Canon lifts the ladder up, blocking the bat. Both men stagger…Canon and Muffles take a swing at the same time…the bat and ladder SLAM into one another leaving their handlers at a stalemate. The crowd goes wild~
Smith: And we’ve got some type of ladder, bat duel going on
Hood: Only in OCW
Smith: Which weapon would you prefer?
Hood: Neither…I’d just sneak a gun in there and BOOM…game over
Smith: That’s horrible
~Muffles takes his bat and he swings down, jarring the ladder out of Canon’s hands. The ladder lands on the mat. Canon shakes his hands, his face contorts with discomfort. Muffles points the bat at Canon. Curt realizes he’s weaponless. Muffles stalks him down. He places his legs around the ladder as he walks, keeping the ladder between his legs. Canon notices this…the top of the ladder is between the bunny’s legs. Canon takes his foot…he places it on the bottom rung and pushes back…the top of the ladder shoots up and DRILLS Muffles in the crotch!! The crowd goes “ooohhh”! Muffles’ knees turn inward and buckle…he falls over to his side, releasing the orange bat~
Smith: Well that’s one way to stop a human sized bunny, I suppose
Hood: Right in the bunny balls!
Smith: Curt is resourceful. You have got to give him that
Hood: That’s an understatement. Guy tricked his way into an OCW Title win AND Hall of Fame nominations.
~Canon grabs the ladder and places it back in its original corner. He snares Muffles by one of the ears and pulls the bunny to his feet. He whips Muffles into the ladder…the bunny SLAMS front first into the ladder. He comes stumbling backwards. Canon runs into the ropes, bounces off…he leaps into the air and takes Muffles down with a slingblade!! The crowd erupts! Canon is seated on the canvas, post move…he spots the bat~
Smith: And Curt has spotted the bat!
Hood: You say that like it’s some kind of fucking achievement…IT’S A BRIGHT ORANGE BAT
Smith: I was merely calling the action
Hood: It’s like when you send kids out looking for neon colored eggs that are sitting out, in the open. Don’t cheer that…DON’T CHEEER THAT
~Canon snares the bat. He holds it up. The crowd cheers with approval. Muffles gets to his feet. Canon swings the bat at the bunny’s head. Muffles, however…in a freakish show of strength and quickness CATCHES the bat with his left hand! The crowd is stunned. Canon is shocked. Canon looks up into the black, soulless eyes of the bunny. He tries pulling the bat away but the bunny’s grip is too strong. So, Canon does what he must…he jumps up and dropkicks the Bunny in the knee!! Muffles lets go of the bat and falls to one knee. Canon, still holding the bat, leaps up with an enziguri into the side of the bunny’s head! Muffles falls over…a ‘Canon’ chant resumes~
Smith: More resourcefulness by Curt Canon
Hood: Holy shit that Bunny is fucking freaky at times
Smith: It’s all fun and games at first…but people tend to forget that is one dangerous creature
Hood: It’s the freakiest fucking mall easter bunny you ever saw trying to beat you to death inside a wrestling ring.
~Curt looks at the bat. The crowd seems eager for Curt to use it. Canon looks down at the freaky bunny. Muffles is stirring, getting ready to rise once more. Canon heads toward the side of the cell. He takes the bat and slides it through one of the holes in the cell, dropping it outside – eliminating it from being used in the match. The crowd boos, slightly…they are confused and disappointed. Curt turns around to find Muffles sitting up, staring at him~
Smith: Smart move by the Hall of Famer…Muffles can do more harm to Canon with that weapon than Canon could ever hope to inflict upon Muffles
Hood: What’s Canon’s beef with baseball? It’s America’s pastime!
Smith: I’m sure he likes Baseball well enough
Hood: Ya know just because the Phillies suck doesn’t mean you have to take it out on the whole damn sport, Curt!
~Canon charges at Muffles with a Penalty Kick. Muffles catches Curt’s leg!! Canon hops around on one foot as Muffles rises to his feet. Curt throws his free leg at the bunny’s head for another enziguri. Muffles CATCHEES that leg, as well! With both legs hooked the bunny falls backward and tosses Canon face first into the cell with a catapult!! Canon SLAMS into the side of the cell…he staggers around, holding his face~
Smith: And just like that the entire complexion of this match has changed
Hood: FEAR THE BUNNY
Smith: I certainly would
Hood: I’d hate to catch that fucking bunny in a rest stop restroom…you know what I mean?
Smith: I have no idea what you’re talking about
~Muffles grabs Curt around the waist, from behind. Canon freaks out, realizing he’s hooked. Muffles hoists him up and drops him with a German Suplex! The bunny KIPS up! The crowd is like “HOOOOLY SHIT” Muffles goes for the ladder. We zoom in on Canon’s face…he’s not busted open from the catapult…but his skin is irritated. Muffles snares the ladder~
Smith: And now Muffles is in total control…can you believe how close we are to seeing MUFFLES in the OCW Title scene?
Hood: And here I thought Bifford was the most ridiculous OCW Champion in company history
Smith: Actually that award should probably go to Special K…or Kreller Masters
Hood: Special K all day, every day
~Canon crawls to his feet. He staggers, holding the back of his head. Muffles throws the ladder at Curt. Curt catches the ladder out of instinct. Muffles charges forward with a BIG BOOT! He kicks the ladder right into Canon’s face!! Curt turns around and walks right into the cage!!! He spins around and falls, face first onto the mat. A “MUFFLES” chant begins. The bunny looks at the ladder before looking up at the roof of the cage~
Smith: He’s got a shot…there might be enough time for an escape
Hood: Or, ya know, he could try and pin Canon
Smith: True…excellent point, Hood!
Hood: But, I mean…this is OCW. And in OCW nobody actually gets pinned or submitted in cage matches
~The bunny takes the ladder and places it in the center of the ring. He begins to climb, slowly. Canon rolls over and sits up. Still no blood on the face of the former OCW Champion. He reaches over for the nearby ropes to use as support as he reaches a standing position. He spots Muffles halfway up the ladder. The crowd breaks out a “CANON” chant…energy fills the veins of Curt! He staggers toward a corner, ascending from the inside of the ring. He turns around and looks at the ladder. He’s about the same height from the mat as Muffles. The bunny is paying him zero attention…instead the creature keeps its focus on the door atop the cell. Canon LEAPS off…he soars through the air at Muffles…he reaches out, grabs the bunny’s head and takes him all the way down to the mat with a second SLINGBLADE!!! The ring shakes from the impact!!! The bunny is OUT! Canon rolls around, feeling the impact from his big landing~
Smith: A SUPER slingblade!
Hood: Mother fucker…I always forget how athletic that little guy is
Smith: He’s five feet, four inches…of course he’s athletic!
Hood: True…if he weren’t I guess he’d be TONY THE SPIDER
Smith: Hahaha
~Canon fights to his feet. Muffles is on his back. Canon runs for the ropes…he jumps onto the middle rope and springboards off…he rotates in mid air, flips over and lands on top of Muffles with a Senton!!! Canon goes for the pin. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Nice attempt by Curt…but the bunny’s legs were too strong to keep down
Hood: Okay…which animal has stronger legs…a bunny…or a frog
Smith: Hmm…I gotta go with frog.
Hood: Okay…frog or kangaroo?
Smith: I don’t have time for this nonsense! I already gave you one answer…FROG
Hood: Ribbit
~Canon slaps the mat. But he pushes forward…a man that can’t be held back…just ask LURRR! Canon stands back, poised. Muffles gets to one knee, slowly. Canon sprints forward…he jumps off Muffle’s knee…as soon as he does, Muffles rises to his feet…he catches Canon in midair and throws him with a powerbomb INTO the ladder!!! The ladder flies backward…Canon lands, awkwardly on his ass in the middle of the ring! Muffles stands over Canon…the crowd seems torn at this point…some are booing…others are cheering for the bunny~
Smith: And Muffles again with a freakish show of strength and rehabilitation
Hood: He might be a cyborg. A CYBORG RABBIT
Smith: I don’t think he’s a cyborg
Hood: But do you KNOW he isn’t a cyborg?
Smith: No, I don’t know for sure
~Muffles goes for the ladder. Canon, though is already back on his feet have taken most of the fall on his ass which, for some reason, didn’t impact him as severely. Muffles throws a gigantic right paw into Canon’s head!! Canon staggers…Muffles scoops Curt up and drapes him over his shoulder. He marches toward the corner and tosses Curt up into the air…Canon falls down and SLAMS into the top buckle with Snake Eyes!! Muffles is poised behind Curt. Canon stumbles backward into the waiting arms of the bunny. Muffles hooks Canon and tosses him over his head with a Dragon Suplex!! Canon is folded up, near the ropes. Muffles returns to his feet and heads for the ladder~
Smith: And, for the first time the real threat of defeat looms. Canon is in trouble
Hood: A bunny performing a moved named after a dragon
Smith: Yea?
Hood: CLASSIC OCW BABY
~He sets the ladder up in the center of the ring, positioning it directly underneath the square ‘door’. Muffles begins his climb. The crowd stomps their feet and yell at Canon to get up. He slowly begins to stir…but not near quick enough. Muffles reaches the half way rung. Canon rolls on the apron, wedged up against the cell. Muffles gets over halfway up. Canon sits up, his left hand wrapped around the cell for leverage. Muffles nears the top. Canon pulls himself up. He’s in between the ropes and the cell. He leans forward, against the cell before rolling over and spotting Muffles at the top of the ladder. His eyes bug out. Muffles is messing with the door, trying to get it open~
Smith: He’s close to escaping the cell!
Hood: The fucking bunny is going to win this…isn’t he?
Smith: He’s got to be the favorite at the juncture. However…he’s still got to get down from the top of the cell
Hood: He’s a fucking bunny, man. He’ll just hop down.
~Canon grabs onto the top rope. He jumps up and springboards off! Muffles nearly has the latch to the door undone. Canon flies through the air and he lands on the ladder!!! The ladder starts to tip over with Muffles’ side falling backwards. Muffles bails! He displays tremendous athleticism but rotating one hundred eighty degrees and latching onto the side of the cell! The crowd ‘oohs and aahs’ at the bunny’s athleticism. Canon remains attached to the other side of the ladder. The ladder tips and falls! It lands on the ropes and ricochets off with Canon still holding on!! Using his weight and strength, Canon pulls the ladder back while catching the wave of momentum and he manages…somehow to get the ladder to stand back in the center of the ring! The crowd goes wild!!! Canon looks around, surprised~
Smith: Holy Smokes!! I thought Curt was in for a serious fall!
Hood: The fuck is he looking at…CLIMB!
Smith: Get that door open Canon…you can do it!
Hood: Geezus this guy is the dumbest hall of famer in OCW history!
~Canon scurries up the ladder, working on the door. The latch remains difficult to unhook…TYPICAL PRO WRESTLING TROPE. Finally, he gets the latch undone. We see Muffles scaling the side of the cell. Canon flips the door open. He has to stand on the very top of the ladder to get out. The ladder teeters and totters. Canon holds steady, trying not to fall. He finally LEAPS up…the ladder falls over…but Canon grabs hold of the door and starts to pull himself up. Muffles, meanwhile, continues to climb…reaching the roof of the cell~
Smith: He’s almost free!
Hood: The hell is the bunny doing…did he forget he’s a bunny?
Smith: I honestly stopped trying to figure Muffles out a long time ago
Hood: He’s no monkey…he’s a fucking BUNNY…what’s he going to do now that he’s reached the ceiling of the cell?
~Muffles grabs the ceiling of the cell with his hands…he crawls…he places his feet on the ceiling, hooking them into the grooves of the cell. And, suddenly, in quite possibly the WEIRDEST VISUAL IN OCW HISTORY we get Muffles the Bunny crawling, upside down along the roof of the cage. The crowd chants “OH FUCK! OH FUCK!” Canon’s legs are wiggling as he tries to get all the way out. Muffles is nearing Curt’s legs. He’s reaching out, trying to grab them before Canon can get out. The fans are filled with anxiety~
Smith: Ah! This reminds me of JAWS
Hood: Except instead of a badass Great White Shark attacking a naked, hot blonde we’ve got a rabbit trying to grab Curt Canon’s tiny legs
Smith: Indeed
~Muffles is close enough to grab Curt’s legs. He reaches out…just as he does Canon pulls his body through the square, rolling atop the cell! The crowd cheers! Muffles continues crawling toward the square opening. Canon gets to his feet on top of the cell and looks around. He’s never been in this situation before…he’s suddenly the TALLEST person in the WORLD! He throws his arms up and runs around, taking it all in. The crowd chants “CANON! CANON!”~
Smith: A nice moment for the Hall of Famer
Hood: What an idiot! Get down from there and win the fucking thing!
Smith: Sometimes it’s nice to stop and smell the roses, Hood
Hood: Not when a six foot tall BUNNY is chasing after you
~Canon takes a bow for the fans. Behind him we see Muffles crawling through the hole and standing atop the cell. Canon turns around and is SHOCKED to see Muffles. He falls on his ass from the surprise. Muffles stalks him. Canon throws his hands up, begging Muffles to not hurt him. Muffles doesn’t relent…he moves forward and snares Canon by the hair~
Smith: And now he’s in trouble
Hood: That’s what he gets for running around like he’d just won the freakin super bowl.
Smith: Call me crazy but I find it endearing…a man who’s been in the sport for this long still taking time to enjoy these moments
Hood: You Are CRAZY
~Muffles head butts the diminutive Canon a few times, staggering the former champion. Canon is reeling. Muffles grabs Canon by the arms and signals out for the crowd…half PRO BUNNY crowd goes wild. Muffles yanks Canon forward for IL TAV ID. Canon ducks!! Muffles stumbles forward and turns around. Canon leaps backwards with a Pele Kick! Muffles catches Canon and drops him with a Tombstone on top of the cage!! The Muffles fans go wild. The Canon fans groan with disappointment~
Smith: Ouch…this isn’t looking good
Hood: Of course not…it’s a two hundred pound bunny against Curt Canon
Smith: He was looking strong for a while, though
Hood: That’s the story of Canon’s career…just about the time you buy stock in the guy he lets you down
~Muffles motions to the crowd…he starts to do the bunny hope atop the cage. Some fans are nervous the top of the cell might collapse. It, however, appears STRONG AS OAK. Muffles stops near Canon…he leaps into the air and drives an elbow directly into Canon’s chest. The Muffles fans go wild! The bunny gets back to his feet…he locks wrist control on both of Canon’s arms…peeling the Hall of Famer off the roof of the cell~
Smith: And this one is just about over
Hood: Muffles into the OCW Title picture…hello darkness my old friend!
~Muffles has Canon in position…he yanks Curt forward and DRILLS him with IL TAV ID!!! Canon goes limp, collapsing onto the roof of the cage. Muffles stands over the beaten OCW Hall of Famer. The crowd urges him to do something. We hear a SCREECH! Muffles turns and spots CHECKERS running down the aisle and scaling the cell~
Smith: And Canon’s ally is here to help!
Hood: FOR THE LOVE…NOT THE FUCKING MONKEY!
Smith: So much for keeping Checkers out of this
Hood: Doesn’t this stupid primate grasp the concept of the food chain. Tiny simians do NOT go after two hundred pound mammals.
~Checkers scales the cell in record time! He reaches the top and lunges at Muffles. Muffles performs a spinning MULE KICK and DRILLS Checkers!! Checkers flies backwards, clearing the side of the cage. The simian SCREECHES all the way down, landing with a sad THUD in the dirt. The entire crowd is stunned into silence. Muffles stands at the edge of the cage, looking down at the tiny monkey’s body. He isn’t moving~
Smith: CHECKERS!!
Hood: Finally
Smith: Seriously?
Hood: Look man…monkeys, bunnies, SPIDERS…enough is enough…time to trim the fucking fat around here
~Canon’s body starts to shake. The Curt fans in the crowd go wild. He starts to get up. It’s as though Checkers’ injury has agitated something within the Hall of Famer. He reaches his feet and walks up behind Muffles who is still looking down at Checkers. Curt extends both hands, grabbing the ears of the Bunny!! He pulls back, hooks Muffles’ head and he drops Muffles on top of the cell with the Canon Cutter!!! The tent explodes!!! Both men are down, on top of the cell as Canon’s energy has dipped all the way back to zero~
Smith: Curt Canon experiencing a rush of adrenaline…a much needed rush of adrenaline!
Hood: No shit, it’s like he ate some spinach or something
Smith: You’re comparing him to Popeye? I think he’d take that!
Hood: I wouldn’t…means you’d have to fuck Olive Oil and…ewww
~Both men are down for a while. The crowd is split with dueling Muffles and Canon chants. Curt finally rolls over. He shoves Muffles onto his back. He grabs the Bunny’s ears and pulls them into the cage, between two openings. He starts to tie a knot~
Smith: Curt Canon…thinking…outside the box?
Hood: More like outside the CAGE
Smith: Not your best
Hood: Hey, I’m calling a match featuring a giant bunny and a pet monkey…cut me some slack
~Canon finally finishers. He sits up and crawls toward the edge of the cell. He starts to make his way down. Muffles starts to sit up…but can’t! His ears are tied around the roof of the cell. The bunny kicks his legs and waves his arms, trying to discern what’s happened. The crowd is fully behind Canon now. They are cheering him down. He’s halfway down the side of the cell. Muffles reaches back, feeling his bound ears. He works to untie them. Canon reaches the bottom of the cell and he hops off, into the dirt!!! The crowd cheers! The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….CURT CANON!!!!!
Smith: He did it!! Canon did it!
Hood: I never thought I’d say this…but Curt Canon out smarted someone
Smith: Yes…yes he did!
Hood: I mean…technically it was a RABBIT…but, still, he outsmarted someone…or something
Smith: And now he’s in the OCW Title picture…after nearly twenty years Curt Canon is in OCW Title contention!
Hood: Are we coming full circle? Does this mean OCW is near its end?
~Canon stumbles to his feet, exhausted. He heads for Checkers. Inside the ring we see OCW staff climbing up the ladder to help Muffles untie his ears. Canon bends kneels next to Checkers. He strokes the little guy’s hair. He picks Checkers up, into his arms and carries him out of the pit. The fans clap and let out a thunderous “CHECKERS” chant. Curt, with his head bowed, exits the tent with an unconscious Checkers in his arms~
Smith: We can only hope Checkers is okay…that was a terrible fall
Hood: WE? Don’t include me in that…I hope the fucker is dead. It’s time for Canon to grow up. He’s in OCW Title contention…we don’t need no CHECKERS hanging around that belt
Smith: You are an evil man.
~Muffles finally gets his ears untied. He quickly scales the side of the cell and exits the ringside area~
Smith: Great effort by Muffles…I know I sound like a broken record but one day he’s gonna put it all together
Hood: Fuck…you see how quick he got down? There’s no way Canon would have won this fucking match if he didn’t tie those ears together
Smith: I can’t argue that. Anyway folks…it’s been an already LIVE start to the show and it’s only going to get LIVER!
Hood: LIVER? Like the organ?
Smith: Ahem, no…LIVELIER…I mean livelier
Hood: Just quit saying live. You’re not a millennial ya fucking goober
Smith: Okay…it did feel forced, if I’m being honest. Well we’re off to a hot start here in Papillion…the sun is waning over the western horizon…things are about to get very serious.
Hood: You about to wax poetic? Sweet!
Smith: HEY! Where are you going?
~Hood heads off to get another funnel cake~
Smith: I’m pretty sure my broadcast colleague has a major problem. Anyway…later this evening we’ll witness Josie Barnes and Ed Houston square off with an opportunity at making OCW history. Let’s head to the backstage area to see what The Purple VIP is up to
~The cameras cut to the back as Josie is seen standing outside of her PURPLE tent. She is ready for her upcoming title match. She was already in her ring attire, as she looks around at the unique, outdoor surroundings…the wrestlers and their personal tents. It was like she was watching for someone, waiting on someone. She seemed to be calm, which was a surprise. She smiles, as she spots her friend Trina heading towards her, carrying a box~
Josie: About time. I was hoping you would get back here soon.
Trina: I was... busy, a bit tied up with Amelia you could say.
~Josie looks at Trina, as she lightly shakes her head~
Josie: I don't want to know anymore.
~Trina smirks~
Trina: Oh like you have room to talk. Anyways though, here is the thing you wanted. All safe, and sound.
Josie: Great, let's go in my locker room. It's the last thing I need before I head outside. I can't very well make this special if I don't have the last piece of my attire.
Trina: Yeah, I am surprised you are doing this really. Didn't think you would be one for it.
~Josie lightly shrugs her shoulders~
Josie: We can all surprise people. Don't ever forget that. Let's go.
~They both turn, as they head into the locker room. The camera goes to follow to see what was in the box, but the door is shut before it can find out. We cut back to the announce team. Smith looks at Hood in amazement. He's finished a second funnel cake...this one quicker than the first~
Smith: I think you should see a doctor
Hood: Nah, I'm fine, trust me
~Hood licks the sugar off his fingers~
Smith: I'm not so sure about that
Hood: I know when to cut myself off...two is my limit. I am DONE for the evening
Smith: Whatever you say, Hood.
Hood: Hey, I'm serious. I'm strong as OAK.
Smith: Sure...anyway...you caught the last part of that segment with Josie. She sure does appear ready for tonight!
Hood: What was in that box? A GUN? Is she going to KILL Ed?
Smith: She said it was a piece of her attire
Hood: People wear guns, don’t they?
Smith: They wear holsters which hold guns
Hood: My goodness…the woman purchased a holster! ED! You need a bullet proof vest!
Smith: There is no evidence to support that crackpot theory…anyway, in just a few moments we’ll be subjected to a horrific match featuring two of OCW’s most sadistic talents. One of whom I find charming, in spite of her enthusiasm for sadism. The other…well he’s just about the worst human being in OCW history
Hood: Man, that’s a harder title to earn than wrestler of the year around here
Smith: Sure…but…before we get to that, I’m told we’ve got some footage featuring…you guessed it – Tony the Spider!
Hood: This guy is eating up WAY too much PPV time
~Fans are still making their way into the tent as we focus on Tony the Spider pacing in front of the visitor entrance. Tony had hoped some fans might recognize him, but so far no one even gives him a passing glance. A young man in cut off hooded sweater and low slung jeans approaches Tony~
Young man: hey buddy you need tickets?
Tony: Hahahahahahahahaha! Yes, finally.
~Tony reaches out and shakes the young man’s hands vigorously~
Tony: I would be happy to give you an autographed copy. I just need one ticket.
Young man: Nah man that’s okay.
Tony: OMG. you are so nice.
Young Man: (Reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a ticket) Face value is 75, but I’ll give it to you for 50.
Tony: dollars?
Young Man: yeah man. What you think this is, a charity?
Tony: (there is disappointment in his voice) for a minute there I thought you recognized me as Tony the Spider and you were going to give me tickets..
Young Man: Tony the Spider? I thought you were trying to dress up as a miniature version of some wrestler from the 80s! Who the fuck is Tony the Spider? You got money or nah? If not don’t waste my time.
~Tony reaches into his fanny pack and pulls out a roll of single dollar bills. I only have 25 dollars. I was hoping to save it for the strip club later~
Young man: (looks at the roll of cash and then nods) Ok fuck it. Here you go.
~The young man grabs Tony’s cash and slips a ticket into his hand. Tony smiles as he inspects the ticket. A look of fury comes over his face as he looks up, but the young man is already gone~
Tony: This is a ticket for the actual circus!!! Come back here with my money…
~Tony looks around, but it’s too late, the young man is nowhere in sight. We cut back to Smith and Hood inside the tent~
Smith: Amazing that he can get airtime yet can’t get into the arena
Hood: Sounds like more infighting between Zybala and Welsh. Welsh probably hates the guy and wants him nowhere NEAR the ring…yet Zybala somehow was able to okay this guy getting on the broadcast.
Smith: Maybe. Regardless, his quest to be a part of this amazing event forges ahead.
Hood: Yea and, well, he just blew a lap dance and half a drink on a worthless circus ticket. Guy is pretty much fucked, if you ask me
Smith: Well, I didn’t. Anyway, what a night we’ve had so far and it’s just getting started!
Hood: I’ve already had TWO funnel cakes. Thankfully I am a strong willed man and will stop at two. Anymore and I might become a damn diabetic by the end of the show!
Smith: Ahh, smell that aroma? Smells like a fresh batch has just been made
Hood: Hey…FUCK YOU
Smith: While you’re down there, pick me up a fried twinkie
Hood: Yea, you look like the kinda guy who’d go for that sorta thing. *grumbles* Give me five bucks
Smith: Here ya go
~Smith hands Hood a check for five dollars. Hood looks at him like he’s crazy~
Smith: I like to keep records of all my expenditures
Hood: IT’S FIVE DOLLARS
Smith: Every dollar counts
Hood: I’m not walking up to a fried twinkie stand and paying the eighteen year old working it with a CHECK. He probably doesn’t even know what the fuck a check is. Just keep the damn thing…but you owe me...WITH interest.
Smith: Suit yourself
~Hood exist the announce table and heads to get greasy, fried sweet snacks. Smith rips up his five dollar check into many incomprehensible pieces. He then returns his focus toward the camera~
Smith: Well while my esteemed colleague is off enjoying the atmosphere here in Papillion, I’d like to make a heartwarming announcement. You see, a few weeks ago Who’Re was tormented by OCW’s resident psycho, Tommy Crimson. She sought counseling, meaning we haven’t seen her since the encounter. Well I couldn’t be happier to report that Who’Re is back with us this evening! She’s down in the arena pit with a group of very special young ladies…Who’Re…take it away!
~We cut to a shot down inside the ring pit where Who’Re is leaning against the barricade with a mic in her hand. Behind her we see a motherly figure looking over a group of about ten girls – all aged between eleven and thirteen~
Who’Re: Aww, thank you Smith! It’s so great to be back. And, as regrettable as that encounter was…I think it’s honestly made me a stronger person.
~We suddenly notice that Who’Re is wearing far more appropriate attire. She’s showing less cleavage than usual. Several of the men in the audience boo~
Who’Re: And speaking of strength…I’m here with Lydia Boatwright. She’s in charge of the ‘Young Women’s Liberation’ club of New Mexico! And, as you can see, she’s brought with her ten of the most outstanding young women in the entire club.
~The young women behind Who’Re go wild. We notice they are all wearing Julliet Brooks merchandise. Miss Boatwright steps forward, ready to answer a few questions~
Who’Re: Miss Boatwright, exactly why have you brought these impressive young women to Nebraska today?
Miss Boatwright: Well these young women are all enormous Julliet Brooks fans. They really look up to her as someone they should emulate when it comes to getting things done and rising above historical rhetoric and societal stereotype.
Who’Re: Wow, I just love your energy!
Miss Boatwright: Thanks so much! When I heard about this Tommy Crimson fellow
~All the girls boo with the fury of ten thousand angry women~
Miss Boatwright: I just knew that I had to bring these girls out here to cheer The Pride of New Mexico on! These young women need to see, first hand, what standing up against violence and oppression looks like.
Who’Re: Amen to that!
~Who’Re and Miss Boatwright high five. They lock eyes for a moment. Some might say too long? But we aren’t here to judge! Who’Re suddenly reaches for her ear piece as Smith’s voice comes across the feed~