Episode 3 - "Deadweight"
The Amazon Jungle Friday, April 21st 2017
~An angry CJ O’Donnell is shown berating his tribe for their lackluster challenge~
~Chaotic is singing, everyone on the Paradigm Tribe is happy~
~We relive Matt Meyhu catching his fish. CJ O’Donnell supplies seafood. Annie Alvarez wakes up~
~Footage of TLS and bothering Josie airs. Julliet spilling crab in Josie’s hair is shown. Vargas being the Confederate Icon airs. Chaotic breathing airs~
~We see the challenge. The show downs between Meyhu/Maurako and Paras/O’Donnell are highlighted. It is followed immediately by Chaotic refusing to take off his mask thus costing his team immunity~
~Jock’s pun is not appreciated as we see several images of the cast members rolling their eyes from stocked island footage. We travel back to campsite where the wheeling and dealing begins. Chaotic’s name is uttered unanimously~
~PerZag and Josie are off in the jungle, talking. TLS is getting comfortable outside his hut. Lurrr and Maurako watch Carrington~
~PerZag mentions Carrington to Josie. Josie complains about it in front of a very naked and unafraid TLS. This gets back to Vargas who feels a breach in loyalty~
~We see all tribemates at tribal council answering questions from JOCK. PerZag appears confident. Chaotic is totally unaware. Bradley Carrington looks like a man ready to bounce. The votes are read and PerZag is stunned~
~PerZag takes the unexpected, lonely walk of shame. He is angry, dejected and filled with revenge. The rest of the Paradigm Tribe stands and heads back to camp. Carrington looks relieved while Josie appears upset~
~We cut to the OCW Survivor music and intro~
~We cut to the Paradigm Tribe camp. It’s late at night so we’ve got that creepy night vision going on. Everyone’s eyes look super weird. Well, aside from Chaotic’s. TLS is leaning near his freaky hut, rubbing his painted chin~
TLS: Hmm, the math doesn’t seem to add up
Josie Barnes: What do you mean?
TLS: The math…the votes, something doesn’t add up…
Josie Barnes: Of course it does…four for PerZag, one vote remaining…Bradley only had two. He couldn’t be caught so there was no sense in reading the last vote.
TLS: Hmm, alright. Would you care to join me in my hut?
Josie Barnes: NO
TLS: Well, now that PerZag is gone…Chaotic is over there if you need a shoulder OR lap to rest your head in.
Josie Barnes: That will not be happening
Chaotic: Still here, baby!! Woo!!
~We cut to Chad Vargas who’s off in the woods, alone~
Chad Vargas: Tonight’s vote was brutal. But shit had to be done. Fucking guy was running around talking to everyone.
~Vargas looks down, obviously bothered that he had to betray his friend, PerZag. But he shrugs and walks away…that’s the game of Survivor~
~CJ O’Donnell is stretching in the early morning. Canon walks by, scratching his dirty hair. The early morning appears to have taken a rougher toll on Curt than CJ~
Curt Canon: Ugh
CJ O’Donnell: Well, go back to sleep.
Curt Canon: I can’t…Checkers woke up early and he gets mad if I sleep without him. He ran off into the jungle somewhere without me…but, I guess THAT’S okay
~Checkers sprints out of the jungle. He screams and leaps onto Canon’s shoulder. He whispers into Canon’s ear. Canon’s eyes widen~
Curt Canon: What’s that? They voted PerZag out? Holy Moses Malone!
~CJ perks up. Canon hustles off with the news~
CJ O’Donnell: Damn shame to see PerZag go so early. That Paradigm tribe has some serious issues.
~CJ returns to camp and informs every one of the shocking news. MJ shakes her head and stares at the ground~
MJ Bell: I need a drink…s’all I’m gonna say.
CJ O’Donnell: No doubt Mario was behind this. He’s heading a group over there and they are going to start picking people off one by one. He probably thinks he’s marvelous or something.
Rebel: How did we even hear about this?
Curt Canon: It was delivered to me by…AHHH!!
~Canon spots Morbidus feeding on a monkey that looks exactly like Checkers. Morbidus looks up and smiles with primate blood all over his mouth and fangs. Checkers SCREAMS and lands on Canon’s shoulder. Canon is relieved~
Curt Canon: I didn’t know you had other relatives, Checkers? Oh, yea, I guess that makes sense that you would have parents. I’m sorry for your loss. Oh, cool, you inherited a bunch of bananas so it’s okay? I like your attitude!
~The rest of the tribe pauses. Evaluates…decides it isn’t worth it and moves on aside from MJ who has a witty comment~
MJ Bell: Nothing like a man and his monkey
~She scavenges some meat from a piece of fish while speaking her mind about the more important issue~
MJ Bell: We should probably worry less about what’s going on over there and more about what we’re doing over here. We have to stay strong and win challenges, otherwise there won’t be any of us left for them to pick off.
~Annie tosses what’s left of her fish into the fire. It’s like she was raised in a barn, ya know? She stretches, her booty shorts are almost rendered useless. She yawns and speaks~
Annie Alvarez: Can we do something fun today? I’m tired of just sitting around. How about we see some sights?
~Checkers whistles at Annie’s ass~
Annie Alvarez: Am I crazy or was Checkers making a bunch of noises all night? If so, it kept waking me up.
Curt Canon: Maybe…I know he said he had a date in the trees last night. He said it went really well.
Annie Alvarez: Eww, gross.
~A tremendous force comes barreling through the jungle. A very energized and enthused TIO leaps from the foliage. He rubs his nose a bit, staring at Annie~
TIO: See the sights? Yea, I can see the sights. Let’s go see the sights. Who wants to see the sights? I want to see the sights. The sights we will see. Yes, let’s go! We might find some MOUNTAINS!
CJ O’Donnell: Mountains, huh? Alright.
~CJ, TIO and Annie head off to explore. Right as they walk away, Pryde emerges with a bunch of fruit. He dumps the gathering near the fire. Pryde has a sweet tooth…a previously unknown fact. He grabs a mango and bites into it, through his mask. Pryde has already shown himself to be smarter than Chaotic. He spots the dead monkey~
Pryde: How big of a family does Checkers have?
~Checkers does the ‘wide’ gesture with his hands~
Pryde: I’m wondering if we shouldn’t do a eulogy or something for all these dead members of the Checkers family.
~Pryde pulls out a mini Bible from his pocket~
Bradley Carrington: Sounded like I wasn’t making enough noise around camp. So, I decided to get louder.
~Vargas stands up and heads over. He grabs one of Carrington’s sticks and throws it into the jungle. It quietly flies through some trees and leaves, disappearing forever. The entire act is far more quiet and calm than he most likely imagined. It leaves everyone feeling somewhat awkward~
Chad Vargas: Fuck! Can’t you see we’re trying to get some sleep? Damnit!
~Vargas turns around, noticing everyone is awake, aside from TLS who is concealed inside his hut~
Chad Vargas: Alright, before we go any further...who the FUCK wrote my name down?
~Chaotic’s mask is looking at Vargas. Chad’s eyes narrow~
Chad Vargas: It was YOU, wasn’t it?
Chaotic: No, I voted off Lurrr. But I’m confused, why is he still here?
~Josie rolls her eyes~
Josie Barnes: You voted FOR Lurrr…you didn’t vote him off. Wow. It takes more than one vote to send someone home.
Chaotic: A vote from Chaotic should count for at least three!
~Lurrr stands up and looks at Chaotic~
Lurrr: Did you really just admit you voted for me?
Chaotic: Yes
Lurrr: Biggest mistake of your life. Aside from wearing that mask, of course.
~Chaotic has no argument. Vargas shakes his head at the young, mask covered lucha star~
Chad Vargas: Wasted vote, son. You have no idea what’s going on around here, just like Carrington and his drums. Why don’t you sit next to him…both your days are numbered.
~Chaotic sits next to Carrington and tries to take his remaining drum stick away. Carrington fights him off. Chaotic returns to his feet~
Chaotic: Nah, that’s no fun. I’ll just do whatever you guys tell me.
~TLS emerges from his hut holding three nuts. The tail end of a grub worm squirms between his lips. He sucks it in and swallows~
TLS: Okay. I had five nuts in my hut before we left. Now I only have four, see?
~TLS impressively juggles the four nuts. He stops~
TLS: So, who’s been playing with my nuts?
Chaotic: That was me, I took your nut. Took it right into my mouth.
Josie Barnes: That’s disgusting
Chad Vargas: This is going nowhere…who wants to go on a hunt?
Chaotic: Me, oohhh!!! Pick Me!!!
Chad Vargas: Sure
~Vargas drops Chaotic with the STROKE. Chaotic is out, sleeping like a masked baby. Barnes smiles~
Josie Barnes: Thanks, Chad. I wouldn’t mind accompanying you into the woods.
Chad Vargas: Well then, let’s go, beautiful.
~Chad winks at Josie and gives her a pat on the lower back as she smiles and heads into the woods with the Confederate Icon as he places his arm around her. Maurako rubs his stomach~
Mario Maurako: Any shark left?
Julliet Brooks: Probably, you guys brought back 400lbs.
Mario Maurako: True and it’s not like we’re living with Bifford.
~Mario reaches into the Shark carcass and yanks a chunk of beef out. He smells it and looks at Paras, who drops some more firewood~
Mario Maurako: Does this look bad to you?
Paul Paras: Perfectly fine to me.
~Mario rips off a mouthful and shrugs as if to say, “I’ll live.” Carrington stands up, after discovering another stick~
Bradley Carrington: Well, if they are going to go hunt. I may as well fish.
~Carrington heads toward the river with the rest of the tribe staring at the obviously rotting Shark carcass and Maurako diving in for seconds. We hope he’s going to be okay. We watch a snake slither across some tree limbs. This must take a few hours because we cut back to camp several hours later. Paras sits reflectively on the riverbank. He shakes his head and pops to his feet.
Paul Paras: Perhaps our pride superseded our willingness to win, or maybe our opponents were just willing to pull out more stops than we were. But one thing needs to be made perfectly clear, Paradigm brothers and sisters-- the Perfect One will not tolerate losing any challenge to an ignoramus like CJ O'Donnell.
~He spots Vargas and Barnes sharing an intimate conversation in the jungle. He spots a machete and flings it at a tree. He narrowly misses a bloody collision with the head of Carrington, who is kneeled, cleaning a tiny fish he caught. Carrington look at Paras like “what the hell?”~
Paul Paras: Sorry, I thought Chaotic was standing over there.
~Paras takes a seat next to the fire. Barnes and Vargas emerge from the jungle laughing and smiling. They head their separate ways. Mario stands up and approaches Barnes~
Mario Maurako: Miss Barnes…is there anything I can get you?
Josie Barnes: I could answer that in many ways…
Mario Maurako: Well then…
~Some obvious flirtation takes place. Mario promises to keep the shark cage handy in case Barnes receives her fill of TLS and/or Chaotic~
~Several members of the tribe are gathered around. Rebel, Morbidus, Canon, Checkers, MJ, and Meyhu. Pryde stands in front, giving a eulogy to a hole with several dead monkey carcasses. Checkers is asleep atop Canon’s shoulders. Pryde is looking over the final body to be dumped into the pit~
Pryde: We are here to show respect for this dead monkey, who bravely gave his... his? *looks closer* Yep, definitely his... life in service to the great Savage Tribe. He surely had a full life, leaping through the trees, eating bananas, throwing shit at tourists. I don't know if he had a family or not, but if he did, they lived because of him, so, yeah, we remember you, monkey, thanks for giving your blood to Morbidus.
~Morbidus nods and flashes his teeth. They are still stained red from the blood of Checkers ancestors. Pryde is about to finish up when a thought runs across his masked mind~
Pryde: Wait... do we need to start beheading these carcasses or leaving crosses on them or something? Are we about to have a Vampire Monkey Army attacking us?? Actually, that could be pretty cool, but I need some time to prepare....
~Pryde shrugs and Rebel kicks the final monkey carcass into the pit. Meyhu sighs with relief~
Matt Meyhu: Okay, so do we eat them now or what?
Pryde: That wasn’t my intention
Robert Morbidus: Dine if you dare my friend, muwahaha
Matt Meyhu: I’ll take that as the weirdest ‘no’ I’ve ever received. Can’t believe I wasted my time standing here through a million eulogies. I thought we were going to get fed!
Robert Morbidus: You all have unveiled my secret plan. An army of vampire monkeys sent to decimate the Paradigm Tribe. It’s wonderful, isn’t it?
~Apparently it isn’t. Everyone turns and walks away, leaving Morbidus behind. He kneels next to the burial~
Robert Morbidus: Soon, my children. Soon.
~Morbidus stands and heads back to the central hub of their tribe. Canon thanks Moribdus for murdering Chess…the overbearing older brother of Checkers. We zoom in on the burial ground…the sand atop the dead monkeys. It shakes, ever so slightly~
Chad Vargas: Alright!
~The Confederate Icon’s voice booms through the jungle. He dumps a ruined warthog down near the fire. He wipes a mixture of blood and hair from his bare shoulder. Josie rubs his chest. He smiles~
Chad Vargas: There we go…some fresh food. Where the hell is Chaotic? Maybe he can help get rid of this nasty ass shark. It’s starting to smell like Caution.
~A few people laugh at Vargas referencing the former OCW Savage Champion. TLS is one of them. He laughs while slowly entering the group around the fire. They stop and look at him, strangely~
TLS: Ah, good one. So, hey, listen up. The hut has been expanded to fit FIVE people…got some dried leaves and coconuts…if anybody wants to smoke. Clothing, as always, is optional.
~This sort of kills the mood. TLS walks back into his hut, removing his shorts before he disappears inside. Paras stokes the fire which is hot and healthy. A look of approval covers his face. The tribe seems to be coming together…in its own, unique way~
Paul Paras: Today, we feast. Tomorrow, we slaughter the Savage Tribe and take back what us rightfully ours.
~The rest of the tribe nods in agreement. Paras shoves the shark carcass aside to make room for the newly acquired warthog. Julliet Brooks walks up with a bucket full of fresh river water. She takes a sip. Lurrr frowns~
Lurrr: We could, ya know, boil that for you…
~Julliet doesn’t seem to mind, she enjoys a hearty gulp before dropping the bucket next to the fire~
Julliet Brooks: Is there anything else I can gather? I haven’t gotten much sleep and need to stay busy
Chad Vargas: Julliet Brooks, you are probably the hardest worker I've had the privilege to lay my hat next too.
~Vargas knows immediately after he said that it came out wrong. He smiles working his way out of his stupid comment.~
Chad Vargas: I mean, our huts are next to one another. Let’s feast tonight and get our rest so we can sit back, enjoy ourselves and watch as the Savage tribe sends one of theirs home this week!
~Chaotic leaps into view~
Chaotic: Let’s eat some pig, mother fuckers! Unless you’re Jewish, of course!
~Nobody is sure why Chaotic yelled that and jumped in like a maniac. But, he’s Chaotic~
~CJ has the troops rallied as they prepare to win two in a row~
CJ O’Donnell: Alright everybody…time for another challenge. We can really gain the upper hand with a win today.
Pryde: Yea…I’m a little concerned. It’s been quiet around here.
Curt Canon: Yea, a little TOO quiet
Pryde: Thank you, Curt.
CJ O’Donnell: Simply the calm before the storm. I have no doubt we’ll be more than ready.
~Meyhu is rubbing his disheveled face~
Matt Meyhu: So, how does this facial hair look, huh? Huh??
Robert Morbidus: I am not impressed with your unkempt facial hair, Matt. But, I do have to ask…is that hair real? I’m seeing a lot of bald patches.
Matt Meyhu: Can vampires even grow facial hair?
~Morbidus summons some type of energy. A goatee instantly emerges. Canon and Checkers give him a standing ovation~
Matt Meyhu: Never mind
CJ O’Donnell: Alright Savage Tribe…let’s do this!
~With CJ leading the way the Savage Tribe heads to the Immunity Challenge~
~The camp has been unusually quiet these past three days. Was PerZag the problem? Or did losing provide a bit of focus? Josie Barnes emerges from an area where she had been hanging with Chad Vargas. She’s smiling. Most of the group is standing around, talking about that time when The Great One stole that gimmick and passed it off on his own. We say that time because it happened so often, it’s really hard to narrow it down. Anyway, Josie grabs their attention~
Josie Barnes: I hope everyone is ready for the challenge today…I don’t want to vote anyone out today.
Chaotic: Well if YOU don’t want to vote anyone out, then I guess we have to win, right?
~Chaotic’s sarcasm is not appreciated. Vargas steps in~
Chad Vargas: Lay off the pretty lady you masked psycho. Josie, stick next to me, I’ll protect you with my southern arms.
~Josie smiles at the Confederate Icon. Chaotic throws his arms up~
Chaotic: You stupid Bi…err, woman, trying to tell us what to do.
Josie Barnes: Don’t stop, go ahead…say it…call me what you want.
Chaotic: Everyone out here hates you. They won’t say it, but they do…if we lose, we’ll all vote for you.
Josie Barnes: Well, if that’s the case I might as well throw the damn challenge and you can get rid of me. Is that what you all want?
~The rest of the tribe looks around like “how the fuck did this happen?” “That escalated quickly.” Josie storms off, furious~
Chaotic: COME ON JOSIE, WE NEED TO WORK TOGETHER. STOP BEING A BITCH AND I'LL APOLOGIZE. WE NEED TO WIN THIS WEEK! COME ON! I'M NOT JOKING! FUCK YOU! FUCK IT! I BETTER NOT GET VOTED OFF BECAUSE OF YOU!
Mario Maurako: Chaotic, shut the hell up. We have a challenge to win and everyone has to work together.
~A giant HORN sounds, for some reason. It grabs their attention. Chaotic runs around like a lunatic…he rushes up to Mario~
Chaotic: I don't want to go home this week, we need JB even if she is a B-i-t-c-h. We need to unite the team. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
~Nobody responds to the masked man. Instead, they all head in the direction they usually do for the challenges. Chad walks over to Josie and gives her a hug. She calms down and walks alongside Vargas as they catch up with the tribe~
~Both tribes emerge from the jungle, ready for the challenge. CJ has the immunity idol in his hands. JOCK Reasoning is standing on a platform, arms folded, looking very reasonable. Once both tribes have reached their mat, Jock speaks~
Jock Reasoning: Savage Tribe, I’ll be taking that immunity idol back.
~CJ reluctantly hands it over. Jock has to almost wrestle it from him. Jock places it atop a platform and gets ready to issue the challenge rules. Suddenly the FACELESS men appear and drag Jock away. He is dragged into the jungle, disappearing forever. In his place steps a much older, much uglier, much lamer man~
New Guy: Sorry about that…didn’t mean to frighten you all. But that was an IMPOSTER. He was JACQUE Reasoning…and he had me abducted days before the show. I am the REAL Jock Reasoning. And I am the hippest, coolest guy you know. Just check out my clothes, aren’t they FLEX?
~The guy is dressed like a middle aged man who wants to be young. He’s got an AFFLICTION shirt over his skinny, fat body. He’s got tight jeans and a designer belt. His hair is ridiculous…almost a rip off of the southern hair style you see college kids wear. He looks like a creep. He smiles and winks at MJ~
Jock Reasoning: Yep, that’s right…the real Jock is here and that means it’s time to get flex!
Mario Maurako: What the hell is flex?
Jock Reasoning: I know you’re kind of an old man there, Mario and aren’t up to the hip lingo. But flex means cool. If you need any more tips, just ask ole Jock.
Mario Maurako: I’m fine, thanks.
Jock Reasoning: Alright my Survivor fam. It’s time to get crunk. That means we’re gonna have a challenge. MJ, good to see ya girl. You’re looking fly
~MJ rolls her eyes~
Jock Reasoning: Girl don’t be throwin shade my way. C’mon now, it’s all flex. Anyway…so one member of your tribe is going to head into the jungle and hide in a tree. The rest of the tribe is going to construct a stretcher. Once the stretcher is built you are going to carry that stretcher into the jungle, locate that tribe member…rescue them from the tree and carry them back out here, dropping them off in the first aid tent with your tribe’s logo on it. Everybody got good vibes? Alright, let’s hit it
~The tribes go over who to select. MJ Bell and Chaotic emerge. A few OCW employees lead them into the jungle. The remained of their tribes hang back as the utensils and pieces necessary to build a suitable stretcher are delivered~
Jock Reasoning: Survivors ready? GO!
~Both tribes hurry to build a stretcher. TIO feels the sun beating down. He’s starting to sweat. It appears a hangover of sorts is kicking in. He looks around and reaches into his pants. Jock is too busy staring at Annie’s ass. TIO removes a vile, drops some white power onto the edge of his hand and he snorts it back. His eyes widen a smile runs across his face~
CJ O’Donnell: TIO? What the hell…c’mon!
TIO: You got it!!
~TIO barrels in, knocking people over. He crashes through what they’d already built. CJ shoves him back~
CJ O’Donnell: What the fuck? Calm down! Just hand me some tools
~The Savage Tribe is forced to start over. Meanwhile, the Paradigm Tribe seems to be moving along smoothly. Vargas and Josie are working side by side. Lurrr and TLS try not to get in the way. Maurako and Paras take the initiative, placing most of the pieces together. Brooks finds a crab and eats it. Carrington plays some stone drums for moral support~
TLS: You know, I’m THIS close to finishing a Jacuzzi.
Lurrr: Really? Well then why the fuck aren’t you helping them build?
TLS: I’m terrible at stretchers.
Lurrr: Right
~Paras stands up, wiping the sweat from his brow. He looks at Carrington~
Paul Paras: Excuse me, Keith Moon. Could you lay off the drums and come over here?
~Carrington may or may not get the reference. But he does quit drumming. Paras instructs him to lay atop the stretcher, testing it for strength. We zoom back to the Savage Tribe CJ is keeping a close watch on their competition~
CJ O’Donnell: Damnit…they’re almost done. Come everyone, move your asses! Let’s go!
~Pryde and Meyhu apply a couple final screws and stand~
Pryde: I think that should do it
CJ O’Donnell: Finally. Okay, we need someone to test it out.
~Checkers leaps into the stretcher and spreads out. He looks very comfortable. A few members laugh. CJ becomes irate. The Paradigm Tribe takes off running into the jungle with their stretcher~
CJ O’Donnell: Enough with the monkey business, this is serious! Annie, get in there!
~More laughter follows after his inadvertent pun. Checkers can barely contain his laughter as he stumbles out of the stretcher and into Canon’s arms. Annie lies down. They lift the stretcher up. It seems a bit wobbly~
Pryde: It might need a few more screws…
~CRASH! They turn and see that a very fucked up TIO has tossed their tools into the river for some reason~
CJ O’Donnell: What the fuck?!
TIO: I wanted to see a splash!
~The Paradigm Tribe has vanished inside the jungle. CJ realizes they can’t waste any more time~
CJ O’Donnell: Fuck it, this will have to do. Let’s go!
~The Savage Tribe hoists their stretcher and run into the jungle. TIO sprints WAY ahead, leading the way. Everyone else remains bunched together with Meyhu, Pryde, and Morbidus doing most of the heavy lifting. They enter into the jungle. We cut to the Paradigm Tribe who has yet to locate Chaotic~
Lurrr: Where the fuck is he?
Mario Maurako: He better not screw us again
Josie Barnes: It’s kind of scary in here
Chad Vargas: Stick with me, sweetie. You’ll be alright.
Bradley Carrington: You guys hear that?
~Everyone quiets down. A voice coming from high up is heard cursing at various animals. Paras looks at Maurako who looks at Lurrr who looks at Carrington who looks at Brooks who looks at TLS who looks at Barnes who looks at Vargas~
Chad Vargas: Yep, that’s the masked fucker alright
~They head in the direction of the angry voice. They reach a tree and look up. Chaotic is yelling at a gorgeous blue bird. Everyone stars at the bird for a moment~
Paul Paras: Ah The Hyacinth Macaw.
Mario Maurako: How do you know that?
Chaotic: GUYS! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP?!
Mario Maurako: CHAOTIC! RELAX! WE’RE SENDING SOMEONE UP THERE
Julliet Brooks: I can do it. I climb trees all the time.
~The decisions is immediately made to send Brooks up. Chaotic yells back down~
Chaotic: WHAT’S TAKING SO LONG? FUCK. YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT, I’LL DO IT MYSELF!
Mario Maurako: NO! CHAOTIC, RELAX! JULLIET IS ON HER WAY!
Chaotic: HERE I COME!!!!
~The body of Chaotic leaps out of the tree performing a SHOOTING STAR PRESS. He rotates several times around…it’s a long fall. He is about to land on the stretcher. Paras calmly looks at Vargas~
Paul Paras: A perfectly put together stretcher can withstand many things…but not that.
Chad Vargas: No shit
~They move the stretcher out of the way. Chaotic lands face first into the ground with a loud THUD. The entire Paradigm Tribe watches, waiting for something - anything. We cut to the Savage Tribe~
CJ O’Donnell: Where the hell is TIO?
Matt Meyhu: Running, getting some cardio in
~CJ is covered in sweat, as are the rest of his tribemates given the Amazonian humidity. They look into the trees. One of them spots a BRIGHT white ball. Curt Canon points~
Curt Canon: There she is! I’d recognize that platinum hair anywhere!
CJ O’Donnell: Great…now somebody needs…
~Checkers SHRIEKS and jumps onto the tree. He begins climbing~
CJ O’Donnell: No! A human! Quit monkeying around!
~Everyone laughs…CJ ignores it. Rebel steps up~
Rebel: I’ve got this
CJ O’Donnell: Okay…and, because our tribe is completely fucked up…we need someone to go and find The Incredible Cokehead
Robert Morbidus: I am an excellent tracker. Once, back in Romania I hunted down…
CJ O’Donnell: Insignificant details…find him, go!
~Morbidus goes looking for TIO while Rebel climbs the tree. His athleticism is impressive. We cut back to the Paradigm Tribe. They have placed Chaotic’s lifeless body on top of the stretcher. Paras grabs his neck~
Paul Paras: He’s still breathing
Lurrr: Well that’s a thing, I guess
Chad Vargas: Shit is working out great…we won’t have to hear his fucking mouth on the way back.
Josie Barnes: Umm…shouldn’t we, you know, head back?
Julliet Brooks: Josie’s right…we need to get back before the other tribe!
~The Paradigm Tribe lift the stretcher. It’s a perfect stretcher, obviously. They hustle back. As they do, they run past the Savage Tribe. CJ and Meyhu spot them. Pryde’s mask turns in that direction as well~
Pryde: There they go
CJ O’Donnell: REBEL! HURRY THE FUCK UP!
~Rebel is carefully aiding MJ to the ground. He spots Chaotic being carried away~
Rebel: How did he get down so fast. He must have jumped…
MJ Bell: Oh no...we are not doing that.
Rebel: Relax, I can do this.
~Rebel jumps from the tree. We hear a WILHELM SCREAM as he plummets to the ground. He lands roughly. MJ is fine as Rebel positioned his body to absorb most of the fall. He grabs his ankle and winces in pain~
CJ O’Donnell: Damnit Rebel, get up!
~Meyhu and Pryde place MJ on the stretcher~
CJ O’Donnell: Shit…we need Morbidus and TIO…where the hell are they?
Robert Morbidus: Right here
~CJ jumps and turns around. Morbidus stands behind him with TIO over his shoulder, unconscious~
Matt Meyhu: Whoa. You didn’t…you know…
~Meyhu mimes biting someone’s neck~
Robert Morbidus: Of course not. I fed earlier today. Besides, I wouldn’t want to contaminate my system with whatever is in his blood stream.
CJ O’Donnell: Fine, you carry him.
~Rebel tries to stand but falls back to the ground. CJ grows increasingly irritated~
CJ O’Donnell: What did Jock say? Can we leave him?
Matt Meyhu: Nope, we all have to return.
CJ O’Donnell: What about the stretcher? Will he fit?
~Canon and Pryde look at how the stretcher is handling MJ’s weight~
Pryde: Doubtful.
~CJ looks at Meyhu~
Matt Meyhu: Fine.
~We cut to an exterior shot of the jungle. Jock is singing “Uptown Funk”. He’s dancing and acting like he’s 21 or something. Suddenly the PARADIGM TRIBE emerges. They sprint toward their tent. Jock perks up. The Paradigm Tribe reaches their tent and they drop Chaotic off. Jock raises his arms~
Jock Reasoning: Paradigm Tribe WINS Immunity!!
~The Paradigm Tribe celebrates…aside from Chaotic. Jock hands over the Jimmy Buffet Immunity Idol~
Mario Maurako: Can we head back to camp or do we have to wait?
Jock Reasoning: You guys are free to leave. And, if I must say…that performance was LIT
Lurrr: Riiiiight
~Vargas points at the stretcher with an unconscious Chaotic atop it~
Chad Vargas: Can we just take this back with us?
Jock Reasoning: Hey bro, it’s all Gucci.
Chad Vargas: Let’s get the fuck out of here
~The Paradigm rushes away with the stretcher…they’ve had their fill of JOCK. The SAVAGE Tribe finally emerges. Pryde, CJ and Canon and struggling to keep the stretcher from falling apart. MJ looks around nervously. Rebel has his arm around Meyhu who is helping him limp back. Morbidus calmly follows behind with TIO over his shoulder. The rest of the tribe is in tow. CJ’s eyes perk up~
CJ O’Donnell: I don’t see anyone…c’mon, guys! We’re in the lead!
~The entire tribe picks up their pace. They sprint like their lives depend on it. They reach the tent and drop the stretcher. It breaks apart with MJ taking a painful fall. CJ throws his arm up as the rest of the tribe celebrates. Everyone but CHECKERS…he seems concerned~
Jock Reasoning: Great finish, Savage Tribe! I love the spirit. Even with the Paradigm Tribe already having won immunity and halfway back to their camp you guys still gave it your all. Now that’s LIT
CJ O’Donnell: Why didn’t you tell us you stupid, creepy mother fucker!
~CJ tries to attack Jock but Meyhu and Pryde hold him back. Jock, at first, looks frozen with fear. Once he realizes CJ won’t get to him, he gets confident~
Jock Reasoning: Whoa bro…WHOA. That is so not Flex. Anyway…yea, I’ve got nothing for you guys. Don’t be salty, bruhs. It’s all good. You’re still my BAEs. Better skurt on outta here though…we’ve got tribal council in a few hours.
~The Savage Tribe only picked up about half of what Jock said. But they understood the most important portion. They slowly exit, angry over their defeat~
~The party RAGES over at camp Paradigm. Carrington has an entire orchestra of instruments set up…comprised of rocks, shells, wood, etc. He begins to play a tune very familiar to but not exactly like FREEBIRD. Chaotic sits up~
Chaotic: If I leave here tomorrow
~Carrington keeps pace with his instruments. Vargas looks at Lurrr~
Chad Vargas: Damn, guess I owe you a hundred bucks
Lurrr: Told you he wasn’t in a fucking coma
Chad Vargas: Yea, I think Josie’s wishful thinking persuaded me.
~The entire tribe seems incredibly pleased. Paras steps forward~
Paul Paras: You guys make an old Perfect One proud. Carrington, keep the music going. Lurrr, fire up some booze. Ladies, let's dance. Let us celebrate the night away, friends, Paradigm style. And let's watch a Savage member cease to exist
~Everyone cheers to this. Josie asks an interesting question~
Josie Barnes: Who do you guys hope they vote off?
~Before anyone can respond, TLS walks up in a pair of DEREK MOBLEY boxers~
TLS: Jacuzzi is ready. Anybody who wants to join in is more than welcome. As always, clothing…optional.
~The only person who follows TLS is Chaotic. He continues singing the lyrics to Freebird while hopping into the hot, bubbling water. Most of the tribe eyes the Jacuzzi with lust filled eyes. However, TLS is in there. So that’s a major deterrent~
Mario Maurako: Rebel, to answer your question, Josie.
Chad Vargas: Yea, it’ll be somebody like that. They are too big of pussies to make a move.
~We zoom in on Chaotic who continues to sing~
Chaotic: Lord I can’t change,
~On cue Carrington barrels right into the epic instrumental that everyone has heard and, if they haven’t, SHOULD. As it picks up, the DEREK MOBLEY boxers float to the top of the Jacuzzi. TLS smiles. Chaotic looks at the camera. We cut away~
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see
But, if I stayed here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
Won’t you fly, high
Freeeeee bird…yeaaaahhh!
~A dejected Savage Tribe lingers around camp. TIO is awake but covered in layers and layers of clothing. He shakes and sweats. Rebel has his leg propped up, it’s swollen pretty severely. MJ sulks near the fire. Morbidus finishes the last ounce of blood from his most recent catch. CJ eyes the four members of the tribe. He can’t contain his emotions any longer~
CJ O’Donnell: The gloves are coming off! Morbidus, TIO, Rebel and MJ…what was with that piss poor performance tonight?
MJ Bell: Are we going to fist fight? I was in a tree you retard.
CJ O’Donnell: You could have given us a hint…we looked in that jungle forever. You could have climbed down faster…anything. And Rebel…injuring your ankle, unbelievable.
~CJ looks at Annie. Annie shrugs~
Annie Alvarez: I tried to make sure we were in tip top shape. But nobody wanted to listen to me. Now look at us.
CJ O’Donnell: Its simple you either want to be here or you don't. If you don't then pack up your shit and leave. We do not need anyone slowing us down.
~MJ rises from her seat and gets in CJ’s face~
MJ Bell: I suggest you shut the fuck up.
~A few tense moments pass by. Checkers hurries over and taps MJ on the foot. She looks down and he waves her away. MJ gives CJ one last look...we start to think she might hit him. But she takes the high road and exits with Checkers. CJ remains quiet. Pryde speaks up~
Pryde: Clearly we've got four choices, two of whom have been on the chopping block before. If we want to survive and not go into the merger as easy pickings for an extremely strong Paradigm tribe, we badly need to get rid of the weak links. I'm still waiting to hear some explanations, as I'm definitely pissed to have wasted some hard work and energy at the challenge...
~Annie sits next to MJ, Canon and Checkers. Checkers is recanting his favorite episode of Curious George~
Annie Alvarez: Hey girl, how are you holding up?
MJ Bell: I’m fine. I just can’t stand him. Can we just vote him out, tonight?
~Canon looks at MJ and then at Annie. He doesn’t say anything. Annie mulls the idea over~
Annie Alvarez: He has been strong in the challenges. That’s what’s killing us…strength. We need to remove the weak links.
MJ Bell: Whatever. So Rebel or Morbidus, then?
Annie Alvarez: It’s for the best.
~CJ is talking with Pryde~
CJ O’Donnell: Yea, I’m thinking Rebel. He’s injured…he’s blown two out of three challenges.
Pryde: Exactly. At this rate none of us will have a shot at the merge.
~Meyhu is fishing with TIO shivering near the water. He pulls out some weird, giant Amazonian fish~
Matt Meyhu: Here you go, pal! Soak up some of that drug residue. Sober you up a bit.
TIO: Th-th-th-thanks
~Morbidus crouches near Rebel~
Robert Morbidus: How’s the leg?
Rebel: It’s fine!
~Given Morbidus’ inclination to feast on living things, he’s rather emphatic about the status of his leg~
Robert Morbidus: Well, alright then…any idea who you’re voting for?
Rebel: CJ, maybe. He’s a dick.
~Morbidus nods and heads off. TIO is seated near the fire as the rest of the camp gets ready to head to tribal council. A voice speaks to him~
Voice: I woke up this morning with a terrible rash on my testicles.
TIO: What the…Bob…is that you?
CJ O’Donnell: Come on, let’s go
TIO: But Bob…I heard Bob
CJ O’Donnell: I thought you said you gave him some fish to eat? He sounds more fucked up than ever
~Meyhu shrugs. They help TIO up. Pryde hands Rebel a crutch he made out of sticks which he uses to walk. They exit, heading to vote someone off~
~The entire Savage Tribe takes their seat at Tribal Council. Jock Reasoning is all smiles. He throws another wink MJ’s way. She acts like she doesn’t see it~
Jock Reasoning: What up my Survivor CREW…how we doin tonight?
CJ O’Donnell: Can we just get to it?
Jock Reasoning: Easy there, silver back. Let’s do some Q & A first. Rebel, first of all, how’s the leg, bruh. Looks bad.
Rebel: I’ll live
Jock Reasoning: Alright, bruh…but if it gets any worse, we’re going to have to pull you from the game. We’re gonna have some crew members peep in on that thing after the vote, aight?
~Rebel snarls. Jock looks at TIO~
Jock Reasoning: TIO, my man! You were all high key earlier today…now, you look, well, kind of down. Everything cool, bruh?
TIO: I think I have the flu or something. But, I did hear Bob’s voice earlier today. Bob Grenier, that is. BOB Grenier.
Jock Reasoning: Oh man that is so flex. I can’t wait to chill with Bob when this is over…we’re gonna head on down to this chill location and mack on some hunnies…ya hear?
~Several members groan~
Jock Reasoning: Meyhu! My man! Who ya got tonight?
Matt Meyhu: Thanks, JOCK. It’s a tough vote and I’m honestly kind of nervous. But I’m gonna vote with the people I said I’d vote with and hope it all works out.
~Checkers screams and leaps out of Curt’s lap. He heads towards the voting area~
Jock Reasoning: Yo, where’s sweet ass little broski headin?
Curt Canon: He didn’t really say…so I’m gonna guess the bathroom
Jock Reasoning: Right on. So Flex. Annie…wassup, girl. You got a vote in mind?
Annie Alvarez: Umm yea, but I’m not going to discuss it with you.
Jock Reasoning: Damn, girl! Throwin some serious shade my way! It’s alright, BAE. I got ya. CJ…what you got, bruh.
CJ O’Donnell: It’s pretty simple. Four people didn’t perform up to par and we’re going to remedy that one by one, if we have to. It starts tonight.
~Rebel swallows hard. TIO looks over at CJ like “What the fuck?” Morbidus shows his teeth. MJ rolls her eyes~
Jock Reasoning: Well then, enough with the conversation…let’s get to voting.
~Checkers springs across the view, hopping in Curt’s lap. He whispers into Curt’s ear. Curt laughs~
Jock Reasoning: Yo, what did little man have to say?
Curt Canon: Oh he, umm, he said he saw two kangaroos getting it on
Jock Reasoning: Sweet action! Alright, let’s vote!
~Tense music plays. One by one the Savage Tribe heads up to the parchment. They each write a name down. Pryde shows his, it reads “Rebel”~
Pryde: For this week, I'm voting for Rebel. The man has failed to carry his weight through the majority of the challenges. He's been dragging the rest of the team down, and it's time to cut him out of Savage.
~The rest of the tribe cast their votes and take a seat. Everyone is anxious. Jock retrieves the container and resumes his position. He looks at the tribe…throwing another wink at MJ. Again, she turns her head~
Jock Reasoning: Alright so I’m gonna read these votes. The person with the most votes is eliminated and will be asked to leave the tribal area council immediately. Now, before I read these votes…if anybody has a hidden immunity idol and would like to play it…now would be the time to do so.
~The dramatic music picks up. We look at TIO, CJ, Annie, MJ, Morbidus, Rebel, Meyhu and, Curt. Curt turns his pockets inside out and shrugs. The music dies down~
Jock Reasoning: Good enough for me, I’m straight. Let’s get down to business!
First Vote…Rebel
~Jock looks at the vote. It’s horribly written and there are some monkey hairs on it. Checkers wails with laughter and slaps his knee. Canon laughs along with him. Jock looks up and points at Checkers~
Jock Reasoning: CHECKERS!
~A nice laugh is had. Jock rips the vote up~
Jock Reasoning: Got to admit, you got me weak there, Checkers! Good one! That vote will not count.
~CJ scowls in the direction of Curt and Checkers. They quiet down~
Jock Reasoning: And, let’s continue…
Third Vote…MJ Bell
~Jock holds the parchment up. It’s totally unreadable. Rebel raises his hand~
Jock Reasoning: Bruh, I hate to be a dick. But if I can’t read it, it doesn’t count. If this happens again, you will be disqualified from the game. Sorry, bruh.
~Jock tosses the parchment aside and continues~
Jock Reasoning: Okay, so we’ve got two votes for Rebel and two votes for MJ Bell…let’s continue…
Fifth Vote…MJ Bell
Jock Reasoning: That’s three votes MJ Bell, three votes Rebel…two votes remaining…
Seventh Vote…MJ Bell
~MJ shakes her head in disbelief and disgust. She grabs her torch and looks down at CJ. She almost spits on him. Instead, she takes in a deep breath and heads for Jock~
Jock Reasoning: Sorry, BAE…but that vote is Hundo P…it’s enough. Time to bounce, sweetness.
~He snuffs out her torch~
Jock Reasoning: So, umm, you wouldn’t be interested in grabbing a few drinks later on, now that your schedule has cleared up…
~SMACK! MJ slaps Jock across the face and exits the voting area. Jock rubs his cheek and smiles~
Jock Reasoning: I like a feisty woman! Anyway…that’s it…good job, catch you players on the flip side!
~Everyone stands and exits~
NEXT TIME ON OCW SURVIVOR: CJ confronts Checkers about his vote. Morbidus realizes Checkers family isn’t as big as he hoped. Pryde’s fear about the undead monkeys grows. TIO copes without drugs. Meyhu catches THREE fish. Annie finds a mountain. Rebel’s leg continues to give him trouble, threatening his life in the game. Lurrr teaches Chaotic that there are three r’s in his name, not two. TLS continues to add onto his estate…making it surprisingly impressive. Maurako develops a craving for day old shark. Paras’ confidence strengthens in his tribe’s ability. Josie and Chad continue to bond. Suspicion arises, due to her ability to eat raw crab and climb various trees, that Julliet Brooks may or may not be the female version of Mowgli. Bradley Carrington receives several offers to join a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band once he returns to the states. All of that AND more next time on OCW Survivor!!
~We cut to MJ’s final words~
MJ Bell: CJ needs to go. I hope the rest of the tribe sees that. He’s disgusting and rude. And this new Jock? Awful. What a terrible experience. I can’t wait to get home and see Kenshin. To my friends in the game, good luck.
~We fade to black~
Second Vote…Rebel
Third Vote…CJ
Fourth Vote…MJ Bell
Fifth Vote…I…I can’t read this…
Sixth Vote…Rebel
Eight Vote and the third person voted out of OCW Survivor…MJ BELL