LIVE! Monday, June 19th 2017
From The Louisiana State Penitentiary in St Francisville, Louisiana
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, please stand as Taylor Swift sings America the Beautiful!!
~The all-male prison crowd goes wild. They holler, cat call…all sorts of foul things fly from their mouths. Swift’s eyes shift around, her arm shakes…she lifts the mic to her trembling lips~
Taylor Swift: O beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of gr…GOD HELP ME!!
~The singing comes to an abrupt end. Several prisoners jump over the guard rail and rush the ring with starved expressions. They quickly tackle Swift in the center of the ring as some of OCW’s faceless men rush in to protect to pop star. We quickly cut away to the opening for Stainless Steel Ride~
~In tune with the unmistakable voice of Warren Zevon a shot of the Key West airport is displayed. An old, sketchy looking plane sets on the runway. A man in police gear stands next to the staircase which descends from the plane’s open door. He looks down at his watch as an oceanic breeze blows through his hair. A horn sounds. He looks up to find a plain, white bus with grilled windows heading his way. Lifting his arms, he tosses a few hand signals toward other officers. They get into formation as the bus comes to a halt in front of them. The leading officer waits for the doors to open…they creak apart, giving him access. He steps onto the bus, addressing whoever is inside. We can’t hear what he’s saying…we only catch unintelligible shouts and commands~
~Our shot zooms into the bus steps. A pair of shackled feet descend, step by step. The feet are covered in dusty, old boots. The legs are draped by long, cream colored pants with black stripes. The pants connect seamlessly to the long sleeved, cream colored, black striped shirt that covers the upper torso. It’s an anachronistic prison outfit. The hands are shackled around the front, resting anxiously against the lower abdomen. We rise high enough to see the identity of this shackled person…it’s CJ O’Donnell. A scowl ruins his face. He stops once his feet hit the runway pavement…the wind hits the side of his neck…he tilts his head back, taking in the cool breeze. The officer shouts~
Officer: Let’s go, we ain’t got all day!
CJ O’Donnell: Hey, fuck you! I didn’t sign up for this shit!
~Two guards aggressively help CJ move along as he tries to fight for a moment before conceding. He slowly makes his way toward the plane, taking the limited steps he’s allowed to take due to the restraints. Behind him we see Bob Grenier emerge, similarly clad and restrained…he leans in close to the lens, upon spotting the camera. His eyes are wild, untamed~
Bob Grenier: Hello Alice…I’m coming for you, gypsy bitch. Alice Knight Retirement Tour 2017! Woo!
~Grenier gets jerked back into line and led toward the plane, behind CJ. PerZag is off next. He stares down at the officer. PerZag’s stature and menacing gaze cause the officer to swallow harder than usual. His voice almost cracks~
Officer: Move along, please
~Zag does as he’s told. You get the feeling not because he has to, but because he wants to. Vargas is out next...the minute his feet hit the pavement he tries to break lose. Officers rush over, trying to subdue him~
Chad Vargas: CJ you mother fucker! I’m going to kick your ass! And why isn’t Julliet Brooks on this ride, huh? Why did CJ get to come off first? Fuck Welsh and Fuck OCW!
~It takes four guards but Vargas is finally corralled and escorted toward the plane.
The Marvel is out next. He seems to be taking the entire thing in stride. An arrogant smile flashes across his face. Never shy, Meyhu spots the camera and nods down at it~
Matt Meyhu: Future OCW Champion, right here!
~Meyhu stumbles forward! He turns around…TIO hops off the steps and tries to charge at Meyhu. Damian K’ and Carrington, in shackles, get between them. The officers rush over to help. TIO and Meyhu shout at one another as more officers flood the scene, working to pull them apart. Eventually, they are forced onto the plane~
~We flash forward a few hours. The plane is in the air, soaring thousands of feet above ground. The windows are all securely shut. Each ‘prisoner’ is chained to a chair. None of the prisoners are within touching or spitting distance. Guards patrol the aisle way with tasers and pepper spray, in case things get rad. Meyhu and TIO are seated the farthest away from one another~
~The plane lands at a local Louisiana airport. A bus very similar to the one we saw earlier waits. One by one the ‘prisoners’ are relocated from the plane onto the bus. The bus is traveling now, down a small, poorly maintained county road. The windows are down with grills keeping anything from coming in or going out. The wind is the only form of air conditioning these high paid performers are provided. They are disgruntled…the wrestlers with ‘fairer’ complexions find their faces reddening from the heat. Each individual is beginning to sweat. They bitch, they moan...finally, the Louisiana State Pen is within sight~
~One by one, they are led off the bus and toward the entrance of the prison. Once inside they are led through a hallway, eventually feeding into a celled area. The cells are filled with prisoners. They suddenly perk up when spotting the new inmates. Dirty Devin McKnight is hanging from the bars of his cell. He should be on death row…but, considering the event, he’s been placed in General Population~
Dirty Devin McKnight: Well, well, if it ain’t the damn OCW roster. What’s up fellas! Yo Vargas, holla at ole Dirty Devin when you’re beatin that Brooks ass, won’t ya?
~Vargas looks up at Dirty. He raises a fist~
Dirty Devin McKnight: Atta boy!
~The prisoners go wild…they stomp their feet, they begin to chant “OCW!” and “FUCK EM UP!” The chained, ‘bad guys’ of OCW look around with intrigue. They are, apparently, popular with this crowd. The rabid prisoners squeeze their heads in between the bars to get a closer look. Dirty nods with satisfaction. One by one, they are placed in an empty cell. Each chained member of OCW has his own cell. Once inside, they are handed their belts and wrestling gear. The general population boos~
Dirty Devin McKnight: Don’t worry boys…this is OCW. Where no good deed goes unpunished! The evil will rise!
~The walls within the prison shake from the thunderous ovation. CJ smiles…TIO nods his head. Meyhu looks down at his waist, no doubt imagining what it will look like with the OCW Title. Damian K’ sits down, calmly. Carrington finds a piece of metal and begins to work equations on the wall. PerZag rips his sink from the wall and hurls it against the bars, it shatters. Vargas laughs from within his cell…it’s wild. The Prisoners get louder and louder as the guards look overwhelmed...~
~The snow fades away. A voice permeates through the darkness…a vision emerges from the abyss, reaching for the light. It’s blurry, fuzzy…it sharpens and becomes clear. It’s a newscaster with the OCW logo squared away in the top right corner of the screen~
CNN News Anchor: Has Pro Wrestling Finally Gone Too Far? Apparently so…a promotion located in Key West, Florida is scheduled to hold a major event from INSIDE the Louisiana State Pen. This has all the makings for disaster as thousands of fans and prisoners will be in close proximity of one another.
MSNBC News Anchor: Disaster Awaits Patrons and Performers in Angola. A pro wrestling event is scheduled to take place inside one of the most dangerous prisons this nation has ever known. Yes, you heard that right. To make matters worse people are actually buying tickets to this event. No doubt disaster waits.
Fox News Anchor: Florida Wrestling Promotion gets Dirty. Online Championship Wrestling, a nationally broadcast company out of Key West, Florida will host their biggest event of the year INSIDE the Louisiana State Pen. If that doesn’t sound strange, check this out – it is being held in honor of Dirty Devin McKnight, a death row inmate scheduled for execution shortly after the event’s conclusion. Personally, I’m a huge death penalty fan and think they should all be exterminated…
ESPN News Anchor: Several Former Pro Athletes Scheduled to Attend Pro Wrestling Event. Online Championship Wrestling – a nationally televised promotion out of Key West, Florida will host the most former professional athletes in pro wrestling history. I’m told hundred are expected to be in attendance with almost all of them receiving free admission!
CNBC News Anchor: Has Buffet Lost It? The financial world is scratching their heads over some of Jimmy Buffet’s recent decisions. The most mind numbing of his business ventures is a professional wrestling company hosting an event INSIDE the Louisiana State Pen. I’m told investors are wondering if Buffet has lost touch. Has he become too reckless? Can he be trusted to run his empire? What happens if a fan is attacked or, worse, killed? The risk seems to outweigh the reward with this endeavor which equates to a bad business decision regardless of the outcome.
Local Louisiana Reporter: Angola and Louisiana Markets Receive Huge Boost. People from all over the country have flocked to Louisiana without the intent to gamble. They are in town for Stainless Steel Ride – a professional wrestling event being held inside the historic Louisiana State Pen. Tens of thousands of fans are already surrounding the prison’s fence line, eager to witness the event. I’m told millions of dollars have been pumped into the typically stale economy due to the event. It certainly appears success is on the horizon for Louisiana as well as OCW
Christian Broadcasting Network Anchor: Jimmy Buffet is Going to Hell! Online Championship Wrestling – a company out of the demonic Florida Keys is set to glorify murder, arson, and rape on Monday afternoon when they hold an event inside the Godless Louisiana State Pen. Jimmy Buffet is a man with no soul. The rest of his minions continue to profit off of debauchery. Do not watch, do not contribute to this sinful behavior. Tragedy will happen at this event, mark my words!
~The screen fades into a live feed. An aerial shot is shown of the Louisiana State Pen. OCW banners and flags are flying everywhere. The grounds have been dressed up from a drab, melancholy holding facility into a fairground. The entire fence line has fans standing up against it. Televisions are situated all around the fence line for these fans to watch the action as it happens. We zoom inside the facility to an area with luxurious trailers built to house movie stars. We spot Alice Knight enjoying a nice bottle of water. Robbie Rayder and Candice Turner are digging through a complimentary bowl of sweets. Lukas Emery, Levi Russow and Josie Barnes are seated around their trailer laughing, enjoying a good time. It would seem the fan favorites of OCW are very much free to come and go as they please. We finally spot a tower, rising high above everything else. Two heads are visible along with the silhouette of a man carrying a rifle. One head is moving around a lot more than the other…we zoom in to that wild, excitable head. It belongs to this man~
Smith: Hello everybody and welcome to Stainless Steel Ride! I’m your host Smith and alongside me as always is Hood. We are broadcasting from the safest position imaginable…a tower! We will be watching all the action from our television screens…there are, to my knowledge, at least three separate locations within the prison that will host action this afternoon.
Hood: What happened to Britney Spears? Did they kill her?
Smith: That was Taylor Swift and, from what I’ve been told…she will be okay
Hood: Oh, whew
Smith: Nice to know you were concerned over her safety
Hood: Huh? Oh, no, I don’t give a shit about some woman named Taylor. I’m just glad it wasn’t Britney…she’s been through enough!
Smith: Well...due to the unfortunate issue with Taylor moments ago...I'm told a Plexiglas protection has been placed around the arena. That way no prisoners will be able to rush the ring during the matches.
Hood: Why didn't we think of that sooner? CLASSIC OCW, BABY
Smith: Yea, well, I couldn't answer that...but what I can state...as the finishing touches on that Plexiglas protection are applied...is that tonight is shaping up to be the greatest assembly of talent in OCW history
Hood: No shit...not one weak ass match on the card
Smith: Nope and despite the fact we are...filming from an active prison...I think this show will go down as arguably the greatest in OCW history
Hood: Yea, most fans cite Code of Silence and Clash at the Coast as the two greatest shows in OCW history...that's the bar...can Stainless Steel Ride surpass it?
Smith: We won't have to wait long to find out...I'm told we're ready to begin! Let's head to the rodeo arena for our first match...
~Our view shifts to the ring inside the rodeo arena. The prisoner fans are back in their seats. A giant Plexiglas wall has been erected. They are loud, boisterous…they are ready for some action! The lights in the rodeo arena begin to flicker. A spotlight flashes toward a VIP box. It’s empty. A chair begins to rise. It’s a big, wooden chair with giant, leather straps for the arms as well as the legs. A giant, upside down, metal bowl is secured tightly around a person’s head. That person’s legs and arms are strapped down. That person is – you guessed it, DIRTY DEVIN MCKNIGHT. The chair fully rises, taking it’s spot inside the VIP box. A couple of butch female guards approach with beer and food. Devin looks around with his eyes. His head can’t really move~
Smith: Its looks as though Dirty Devin has the best seat in the house!
Hood: Damn, first class treatment!
Smith: I guess those women are going to feed him?
Hood: That or let him go
Smith: Given his startling number of rape convictions, I’d imagine he’ll remain buckled in
Hood: The other fans seem pretty cool with the situation
Smith: Well, they have Devin to thank for this event…even prisoners have a sense of decorum…at times, Hood
Hood: We’ll see about that!
~A can of PBR is cracked open…it’s a tall boy. The butch guard tilts it toward Dirty’s mouth, he slurps it up with minimal spillage. The other female guard pops open a bag of COOL RANCH DORITOS. She places one in Dirty’s mouth, he snares it with his freakishly long tongue, chewing it effortlessly. He swallows and lets out a cry~
Dirty Devin McKnight: Let’s get this shit going! I ain’t got all fuckin night!
Smith: Devin seems to be embracing his demise!
Hood: Fucker is going to go down in a blaze of glory…but I’m with him, let’s get started!
~The crowd is going wild at Devin’s cry for war. They start to chant many things…the only thing they have in common are the words ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ and ‘bitch’ and, well, you get the picture. Suddenly a loud SCREAM emanates from the sky. A cable is lowered near the ring. At the end of it is CHECKERS! He’s tied, unable to move. The cable ceases lowering…it’s at the proper height for a LADDER MATCH. The crowd goes wild when they see the trapped primate. Checkers, sensing danger, tries to break free from his restraints…but he’s unable. It’s a prison, they know how to secure shit~
Smith: Well Hood, it looks as though CJ and Canon are going to kick things off
Hood: The battle for Checkers! How apropos…because, ya know, most prisoners have no idea how to play chess.
Smith: It’s a good thing we’re in this tower where nobody can reach us
“The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell (13-2) vs. Curt Canon (4-1)
~”Figure 8” by Trust Company hits! The crowd BOOS heavily. We cut to the entrance for the rodeo performers…the dirt is covered with a black mat. There is a curtain shielding the ‘backstage’ area. Super high Plexiglas partitions are set on both sides keeping prisoners from reaching and touching the performers. The two sides turn at a 90 degree angle, meeting in the middle, creating a square tunnel, fully protecting the performers as they enter. The curtain flies open as Canon sprints through and heads for the ring. The crowd throws stuff at him, they boo him…they hate him. Canon slides in under the bottom rope…the music is drowning out most of the negative reaction. He climbs to the middle rope and finally gets a look at what he’s dealing with~
Belvedere: Welcome to Stainless Steel Ride!!
~The prisoners go wild!~
Belvedere: This match is the Legendary Challenge…it is a Ladder Match! The first individual to climb the ladder and retrieve Checkers will be the winner! Introducing first, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 155lbs…he is a former OCW Champion….he is a current OCW Hall of Famer…he is…Curt Canon!!!
~BOOOOOOOOOOOO goes the crowd. A chant breaks out…it’s loud and clear. “FUCK YOU CANON! FUCK YOU CANON! FUCK YOU CANON!” Curt is a bit miffed, at first. Finally, he shrugs and just deals with it. There are four, giant TV screens above the ring. They flicker on. We are shown the inside of the prison. A security guard is walking down his row of cells. We spot Grenier watching from inside his cell. Vargas yells some not-so-nice things as the guard walks by his. The guard hesitates, seeing mathematical equations all over the walls of Carrington’s cell. He finally stops and looks down at his list~
Guard: CJ O’Donnell…
~The crowd inside the arena goes WILD when they hear his name~
Guard: You’re up!
~CJ extends his hands through the rectangular slit in his cell door. Cuffs are applied. The door opens and CJ steps out. The guard grabs CJ by the arm and escorts him away. As CJ passes by Chad Vargas’ cell he waves and says, “Enjoy your cell, Vargas!” Vargas rushes up and rams his shoulder into his cell door, trying to get at CJ. CJ is just out of arms reach. The screens cut away. All we can hear is the crowd surrounding the ring~
Smith: I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like this
Hood: It’s fucking wild
~The crowd, feeling uneasy amidst the silence, begins another chant directed at Curt Canon. “HALL OF LAME! HALL OF LAME! HALL OF LAME!” Curt decides to just ignore them. Finally, “Kings Never Die” by Eminem hits!! The fans explode with an incredible ovation. Dirty Devin spits out some of his beer while cheering. CJ is led from the curtain to the ring, still in cuffs~
Hood: Don’t tell me they are going to make him wrestle in cuffs
Smith: I’m pretty sure they are gonna take them off once they get into the ring
Hood: They fucking better
~CJ is led into the ring by the guard. One by one, the guard removes CJ’s cuffs. CJ is still and quiet. Once the cuffs are removed, CJ leans forward with a VICIOUS head butt!! The guard falls to the mat, unconscious. The crowd goes wild. “CJ! CJ! CJ!” fills the atmosphere~
Smith: Oh my
Hood: Yes! Fuck that guard!
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Boston, Massachusetts…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 178lbs…he is one half of the OCW Tag Team Champions…he is a member of The Aptitude…he is… “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell!!!
~Once finished announcing, Belvedere exits the ring as quickly as he can. Scruff is standing a corner, looking very at ease. CJ kicks the guard out of the ring…his body rolls under the bottom rope and lands roughly on the dirt outside the ring. OCW medics rush and drag the guard away. CJ turns his attention to Canon. Canon is bouncing around with a smile. The crowd begins a new chant “FUCK HIM UP, CJ, FUCK HIM UP!!” CJ nods and motions to the crowd while staring at Canon~
Smith: Any advantage Canon may have had with the crowd is not only gone…it’s a complete one-eighty! This is unlike anything I’ve ever seen
Hood: Who would have guessed that you’d have to come to a PRISON to find people with good taste?
Smith: I don’t know about that
~The bell finally rings. The crowd goes wild with a ‘FUCK YES!’ chant. Canon and CJ begin to circle one another~
Smith: CJ O’Donnell is putting together quite the resume in OCW. He could be a future Hall of Famer…as much as I hate to say it
Hood: Fuck yes he could…but he’s got to win these types of matches. Winning on Massacre is important…winning at the big events, that’s what separates the legends from everyone else
Smith: Indeed
~Checkers SCREAMS down, distracting Canon. CJ charges in with Irish Knowledge!! Canon darts out of the way, just in time. CJ’s body flies through the ropes…he manages to grab the top rope with his hands on the way out ensuring that he lands safely on his two feet. Upon landing, his back is to the ring…he hears footsteps pounding against the mat. He turns around…Canon leaps over the top rope with a Suicide Dive!!! CJ puts his arms up to brace part of the impact…Canon’s head and arms crash into CJ!! The two men wipe out into the dirt…a dust cloud is kicked up. The crowd goes wild with various chants and unintelligible rants. You can almost feel the venue shaking from their excitement~
Smith: Off to a fast start here…Curt Canon doing what he does best!
Hood: I hope we can control these ‘fans’…they, obviously, don’t get out much
Smith: They certainly do not
Hood: So glad we’re in this tower
Smith: OCW protecting their announcers!
Hood: NEO OCW, BABY!
~Canon pops to his feet. He rushes toward the ring apron and lifts the cloth up. The heads of two ladders are visible. CJ starts to move behind Canon, slowly. Canon pulls one of the ladders out…but it’s small. It definitely isn’t tall enough to reach Checkers. Canon shakes his head, staring at the ladder. CJ rises behind him…O’Donnell jumps into the air and dropkicks Canon from behind…Canon staggers forward…the ladder hits the apron, bounces back and smacks Canon in the face!! Canon drops the ladder and stumbles backward…CJ kicks Canon’s legs out from under him sending the OCW legend into the dirt, hard. The crowd goes wild~
Smith: Great counter by CJ…Canon hesitated for a moment and it cost him
Hood: Yea, you can’t STARE at a fucking ladder in ladder matches…never turns out well
Smith: That is correct
Hood: By the way, is this Canon’s first ladder match?
Smith: I’m not sure…I know he’s wrestled in a ridiculous bull riding match or whatever. But I can’t recall if he’s ever competed in a ladder match
Hood: I’m just worried he may be too short to reach Checkers
Smith: Oh please, that won’t be an issue
~CJ stands and snares the ladder Canon was messing around with. He instantly notices the same flaw Canon did…it’s too damn short. He tosses it into the ring, angrily. It soars over the top rope and lands head first, bouncing around loudly. The crowd chants, for some reason, “FUCK THAT LADDER, FUCK IT!” CJ looks under the ring and pulls out the second ladder…immediately recognizing it is taller than the first. Before he can do anything with it, however, he raises off the ground. CJ looks around, nervously…between his legs is Canon…Canon has lifted CJ up onto his shoulder…Canon then falls back and drops CJ with an Electric Chair!!! CJ’s back hits with a THUD against the dirty earth surface. His mouth gasps open with the wind knocked out of his lungs. Canon sits up and wipes his hands clean…the crowd boos, they call Canon a ‘Bitch’~
Smith: Why does this crowd hate Canon so much? He’s such a likable guy
Hood: Because they are fucking criminals. And, well, they don’t appear to be the reformed type, if you know what I mean
Smith: What a terrible venue…why couldn’t we have this outside where the REAL fans reside?
Hood: Would have cost a shit load of money…and you can’t very well bring innocent people in here, at least not in this current environment.
Smith: Keep the prisoners in their cells
Hood: Right…look, this is just how it’s set up. Might have been in the contract that EE blindly signed, who knows? But the paying fans will be OK…they’ll still get to see their hero Alice up close as well as the main event
Smith: Yea, I suppose
Hood: Not to mention…ever consider that MAYBE Welsh didn’t think many people would show up to such a location? OR, how about the fact this might have been EE’s decision. Welsh is missing you know
Smith: We’ve spent too much time talking about this. The prisoners are the fans in this setting and well, that’s that
~Canon obtains the taller ladder. He slides it into the ring. He’s about to enter when he hears the crowd cheer. He turns around and spots CJ sitting up. Canon sprints forward and smacks CJ in the face with a penalty kick!! The back of CJ’s head SLAMS into the dirt. He instantly tries to sit up…it’s a reflex. His eyes are glazed over…he falls back down, blinking rapidly. Canon’s momentum takes him near the fans. Right up against the giant, Plexiglas wall keeping the fans away…think of a hockey game. They are slapping it and spitting into it, trying to get to Canon. He waves, like a jackass, which only pisses them off further~
Smith: Oh no, don’t taunt the convicted murderers, Curt!
Hood: What an idiot
Smith: I think he’s just caught up in the atmosphere
Hood: Canon might have to go into the Idiot Protection Program
Smith: They have those?
Hood: They should…to protect us normal people
~Canon heads for the ring, he slides in and snares the ladder. Checkers is screaming and yelling and squirming around, excitedly. Canon lifts the ladder up and looks it over. Checkers SCREAMS louder…Canon nods and says “Alright, calm down! Canon positions the ladder under Checkers…he begins to climb~
Smith: Not a good spot to be in for CJ…his legendary challenge might come to an end quicker than he imagined
Hood: What an embarrassment. If Canon beats CJ? Fuck, man…are we TRYING to destroy this place?
Smith: Canon is in the Hall of Fame!
Hood: Yes, I know…quit reminding me
~Canon is halfway up the ladder. Checkers is fairly calm…he looks over and starts to FREAK OUT. CJ is sitting up, in the dirt, gathering his wits. The fans urge him on…they slap on the glass and point toward the ring. CJ looks that way and sees Canon nearing the top of the ladder. His eyes pop and he gets to his feet, staggering around. Canon continues to climb~
Smith: I don’t think CJ can make up all that distance before Canon reaches the top…it’s too early in the match, Canon is climbing too fast
Hood: This fucking sucks…Welsh is gone and now the Aptitude are going to get screwed over…I can feel it
Smith: They’ll at least win the main event
Hood: Oh don’t be surprised if Bifford or something equally ridiculous runs in and wins the title!
Smith: That would be horrible
~Canon nears the top…both hands grasp the head of the ladder. He pulls up and reaches for Checkers…he misses and ends up swatting the tiny, wrapped body of Checkers, sending him swaying. Checkers is not pleased. CJ shakes his head, closes his eyes and yells out. He looks up and sprints for the corner…he runs up the steps and leaps into the air off the top step…he manages to land and find balance on the top rope…he then leaps off the top rope…Canon catches CJ’s blur through the corner of his eye…he turns and CJ drills Canon in the chest with a dropkick!! The place goes wild!! Checkers yells with fright! The ladder tips over, the opposite direction of the human carnage! CJ lands on the back of his head, hard…he isn’t moving. Canon flies into the ropes, his body pinballs around before slamming onto the apron and slowly leaking off, into the dirt on the outside. The ladder, meanwhile, stays surprisingly still…remaining in the same spot~
Smith: Geezus Malone…they might both be dead!
Hood: Geezus Malone?
Smith: A phrase my cousin used to use around me…she had a very clean mouth, unlike some people
Hood: Oh, did she? What, did you throw a bunch Altoids at it whenever she’d shout some ridiculous homosexual phrase like GEEZUS MALONE
Smith: Don’t you besmirch my family!
~CJ reaches around…his hand finds the bottom rope. He pulls his body near the side of the ring and finds respite against the firm, tight ropes. He rubs the back of his head and feels around his neck. Everything appears to be in working order. The crowd chants “CURT’S FUCKED UP!” CJ slowly pulls up, using the top rope…he stumbles toward the side of the ring where Curt was deposited…looking over the top rope he sees Curt lying face down in the dirt. CJ rests his arms over the top rope and takes a breath, feeling like he’s got a safe lead~
Smith: Poor Curt…can we get medic out there? That was a terrible fall
Hood: No way…if he dies, that could help the HOF
Smith: What are you talking about?
Hood: You know how death INSTANTLY makes someone better than they actually were? If Curt dies tonight then that would instantly improve the quality of the OCW Hall of Fame
Smith: You are deplorable….DEPLORABLE!
Hood: Hey, at least I’m not DEPORTABLE
Smith: Awful joke
~CJ’s forehead rests against this arms. Looking down he spots Canon beginning to move. Canon’s left arm drags across the ground, reaching up for his head. CJ steps through the ropes~
Smith: Leave him alone, CJ! He’s obviously in a ton of pain…just try and win the match!
Hood: Why? So Canon can just hop inside the ring at the last second and push the ladder over? Haven’t you called one of these before?
Smith: It’s been awhile
~CJ’s feet hit the dirt. A wave of dirt, as sort of collateral damage from the impact, hits Canon in the face. He winces and spits some out. Canon’s still on his chest and stomach, looking up. He wipes the dirt from his eyes and sees CJ’s boots. The visual startles Canon…he tries getting to his feet but his body is still in shock from the fall. CJ helps him, grabbing Curt by the hair. He swiftly swoops Curt off his feet and body slams him across the edge of the apron!! Curt’s head is pointed at the ground with his legs sticking up, into the air! The middle of his back bends awkwardly across the edge of the apron…his legs fall first, taking the brunt of the fall…his knees slam into the dirt as his hands and catch the rest, preventing his head and neck from any further trauma. He’s on all fours, staring at the ground, almost paralyzed with pain…the cloth hanging from the apron brushes against the top of his head~
Smith: I’m not sure there’s a worse person to wrestle while injured…CJ is relentless
Hood: Dude’s a winner, Smith.
Smith: Well, you can’t argue with his record
Hood: You don’t win by drinking milk and cookies…you win by TAKING cookies…and then milk, if you’re not lactose intolerant
Smith: Valuable life lesson there, Hood
Hood: You bet your ass
~CJ hooks his arms around Canon’s waist. He tries a deadlift German Suplex…the muscles in CJ’s arms and chest are flexed. Canon waves his hands around to keep from going over…he snares the apron cloth! CJ hits an impasse. It’s as though someone put the brakes on the move. He tries to pull but Canon’s grip is fierce~
Smith: Curt is hanging on for dear life!
Hood: Dear Life…how many suicide letters do you think started out that way?
Smith: Where is your mind and why is it there?
Hood: I think it’s this heat…it’s pissing me off
~CJ lets go and moves to Curt’s side…he tries to kick Canon’s hands free…but Canon uses the pull in the cloth as momentum to slide UNDER the ring. He disappears from sight. CJ looks down…his face contorts with anger. He kicks around under the apron, hoping to find Canon…but all he finds is air. He lifts the apron up and looks around, trying not to get too close. All he can find are some ladders and a wooden box labeled “Mack’s Hooch.” CJ sighs heavily~
Smith: I think he’s gonna have to get on his knees if he wants to find Canon
Hood: This is why we shouldn’t have wrestlers the size of kids. They can fit in the weirdest places
Smith: It’s self-preservation, Hood. Canon is just trying to save himself and Checkers
Hood: I hate that monkey
~CJ relents and gets on his knees…the second he puts his head in harm’s way it’s BUSTED up with something metal! CJ falls back, grabbing his face and rolling around in pain. We see the head to a ladder. Canon crawls out from under the ring to thunderous boos. He pulls the ladder out…it’s super tall~
Smith: That’s one of those ridiculously tall ladders!
Hood: Why do we have those? They don’t even look practical!
Smith: That is an excellent question, Hood
Hood: It’s almost like they are created solely for ladder matches…so that some idiot can climb to the top and jump off
Smith: Quite the conspiracy theory my friend!
~Canon sets the tall ladder up and looks at it. His thoughts seem to echo those of the announcers. CJ starts to get up…Canon kicks him in the head, knocking him back to the ground. Curt heads for the ring and pulls out ANOTHER ladder…it’s one of the small ladders that are also useless. Canon sets it up next to the super tall ladder…it’s quite the weird image~
Smith: It looks like a mama and baby ladder!
Hood: Wow…I just, man, I don’t even know what to say to you anymore
Smith: Just an observation…but, hey, I get it…the small ladder is equally impractical
Hood: It’s more practical than that dumbass tall ladder…at least you could swing it around or something
~Looking at the ladders…the super tall one is nearest the ring and is actually as tall, set up on the outside, as the normal ladder set up on the inside. The tiny ladder, well, it’s pretty useless and short so let’s forget about it for now. Curt has a nice laugh at the short ladder’s expense. Checkers suddenly yells, drawing his attention back to the match. Curt walks toward the ring, but CJ reaches out and grabs his left leg. Curt tries to kick him off but CJ won’t let go. Curt grabs CJ by the head, lifting him to his feet…CJ’s nose is fat and swollen…it looks like his eyes may blacken from the ladder shot. Curt goes to whip CJ into the ring post…CJ reverses…Curt leaps onto the top step and jumps off with a moonsault!! He soars through the air…CJ moves forward, jumps into the air, catches Curt’s head and drops him with an RKO on the outside dirt!! The prisoners go wild!!! Canon rolls onto his back as CJ remains on his back looking into the bright, blue, hot sky of Louisiana. Both men are covered in sweat, breathing heavily~
Smith: Great counter by CJ!
Hood: No shit…guy is amazing, isn’t he?
Smith: He’s not bad!
Hood: Not bad…NOT BAD? Jason Xavier was NOT BAD…CJ O’Donnell is the fucking man
Smith: Hey, we all have our opinion
~”CJ! CJ! CJ!” the chant fills an otherwise dead, hot, wet, bloated Louisiana afternoon. CJ is the first to move, which comes as no surprise. He rolls over and crawls for the stairs. He pulls up, to his feet. He doesn’t mess around with Curt this time…he stumbles toward the Hall of Famer, grabbing him by his long, soaked hair. He drags the former OCW Champion near the fans. They slap the Plexiglas, yelling insults and making obscene gestures. CJ SLAMS Canon head first into the glass. His skull thuds against it. He remains standing, spaghetti legged~
Smith: I’ve got a bad feeling about this
Hood: What, you think Curt’s about to reverse something and win the match?
Smith: No…I think Curt is very vulnerable and CJ could seriously injure him by taking advantage of his vulnerability
Hood: You talk about Curt like he’s some teenage bitch. He’s a grown man! Kind of, anyway. If he gets his ass crippled in this match, well, that’s his fucking fault
~CJ takes a few steps back…Curt leans against the glass. The prisoners try to punch his head through the glass…the manipulation of the surface sends Canon staggering forward. CJ steps back even further…the finally lunges forward and knees Curt in the face with Irish Knowledge!! The crowd goes wild! CJ is slow to get up, but he does and looks down at the legend, who looks to be asleep in a really awkward position. CJ turns and makes his way toward the ring~
Smith: Irish Knowledge! This one is, sadly, over everybody
Hood: CJ is a legend! The legend of CJ begins!
Smith: I don’t like the way this day is starting out
Hood: No shit, it’s way too fucking hot…can we get one of those out of nowhere, what the fuck southern summer thunderstorms?
Smith: And have them wrestle in the mud?
Hood: Do we have any woman on woman action?
Smith: No, all the female wrestlers are competing with men
Hood: Ugh, never mind…call off the storm!
~CJ reaches the ring apron…he hears boos from the crowd. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal…but, in this environment it signals a dangerous development. He turns…Canon is on his feet, staggering around. CJ’s a bit surprised that Canon is up so quickly. He sighs and walks away from the ring, toward Curt. Curt looks like he could fall down at any moment…CJ, the closer he gets, begins to measure Canon up. CJ starts to jog….he then sprints and flies through the air with ANOTHER Irish Knowledge!!! The impact sends Curt tumbling backward, rolling over his head and coming to a rest on his face and stomach. CJ gets back to his feet and stretches out his knee which has got to be sore~
Smith: Okay, that’s enough…just let it rest. It’s only a match!
Hood: And a monkey
Smith: True
Hood: What do you think CJ is going to do with Checkers?
Smith: Nothing nefarious, I hope
Hood: I wonder if CJ is going to buy a bunch of yellow clothing and a fucking retardedly giant hat and walk around with him.
Smith: That is a curious question
~CJ reaches the ring. He climbs in between the ropes and stands in front of the normal ladder. CJ grabs hold of the ladder in the ring and straightens it up, underneath the prize. Checkers wiggles and sways, trying to break free. CJ looks at the bottom rung and places his foot atop it. It’s sturdy, it’s level…everything appears to be fine. CJ takes a step up. Suddenly, thunderous BOOS fill the arena. CJ halts and looks toward Canon. The OCW Hall of Famer is BACK on his feet. We don’t really know how, why or to what purpose…but the little dude is fighting. CJ pauses and observes Canon’s movements with all sorts of ideas going off in his mind~
Smith: Just climb the darn ladder! You’ve got the match won…do you really have to decimate the man? Isn’t this enough?
Hood: It’s never enough for CJ! The man has an insatiable thirst for domination
Smith: He has dominated…it’s over! Canon is just running on instinct right now…nothing more…like a decapitated body wiggling around…there’s no point to going…dang it!
Hood: Haha, yes! Finish him off, CJ!
~CJ steps off the ladder and heads for the ropes. The crowd goes wild with “KILL HIM!” chants. We certainly hope it doesn’t go that far! CJ hops through the ropes, landing on the dirt surface. CJ reaches Canon and grabs him by the chin. CJ yells at him and paintbrushes Canon with some front and back handed slaps. Canon would fall down…but CJ is keeping him propped up. CJ then shoves Curt back with arrogance. He looks down at his knee, stretching it out for one last Irish Knowledge. Suddenly, he’s kicked in the gut!! CJ doubles over…Canon grabs CJ by the head and drops him into the dirt with the Canon Cutter!!! The crowd boos with fury!! Both men are on the ground as the fans chant “CJ!” to try and get him moving~
Smith: And that is why greed is one of the seven deadly sins
Hood: Hey, Greed is good…just ask that Gecko guy!
Smith: Not to mention Gluttony…another deadly sin CJ is guilty of in this match
Hood: What about stupidity? Is that a deadly sin?
Smith: No
Hood: Well it should be…Canon winning would be pure stupidity!
~Neither man is moving…a soaked Scruff walks over, looking down. He’s given a bottle of water by an OCW employee. Scruff takes a sip and looks around, unsure of what to do. Then, as if on cue, Canon sits up! The crowd boos…Scruff smiles and backs away, keeping the water to himself. Canon rolls onto all fours and starts to slowly crawl toward the ring~
Smith: Curt has an opportunity but I’m not sure how alert he is
Hood: True, we are getting dangerously close to cutting into Curt’s nap time!
Smith: Curt doesn’t take naps
Hood: Sure he does…naps are a necessity for all toddlers
Smith: Stop!
~Curt reaches the insanely tall ladder. He reaches up with his hands, grabbing a rung. He begins to climb. The prisoners in attendance quit booing…they are confused. Scruff scratches his chin, also nonplussed. He pulls out a soaked, wrinkled piece of paper that appears to have the rules spelled out in regards to the current match. Scruff shrugs, folds his arms and watches. Canon gets higher and higher on the stupid tall ladder~
Smith: Wrong ladder, Curt!
Hood: What an idiot!
Smith: He’s likely concussed…he probably has no idea where he’s at…I’m impressed he can still remember the object of the match
Hood: Or he’s just stupid…ya know, something we’ve known for years now
~CJ gets to his feet, finally overcoming the impact of the Canon Cutter. The crowd cheers! He spots Canon nearing the top of the ladder. He gets that mean look on his face. O’Donnell hurries forward….he starts to run…he’s charging directly at the insanely tall ladder. He leaps through the air and BLASTS the ladder with his knee!! It’s a third Irish Knowledge…this time into the ladder!! CJ grabs his knee in pain. The ladder starts to tip over…Curt’s at the top…he looks around, nervously. The ladder begins to fall near the ring…the fans are going crazy, thirsty for blood…hoping Canon gets maimed. Canon, at the right moment, LEAPS off the ladder as it falls toward the ring…he lands ON the ladder in the ring, in perfect position to climb toward Checkers. The crowd instantly shifts to booing…a good portion chants “WAKE THE FUCK UP!” at CJ~
Smith: What agility!! Canon jumped from one ladder to the other…he can win this!!
Hood: Fucking guy has been hanging around with monkeys for too long
Smith: C’mon, Curt…climb! I don’t think there’s any way CJ gets back in this…his knee is hurt, he’s outside the ring…Curt is only a few rungs away from rescuing his beloved Checkers!
Hood: Fuck this shit
~Curt begins to climb. CJ looks up and sees what’s unfolding. He starts to move but realizes everything Smith said was true….he can’t make it. He starts to get pissed…that is, until he sees the tiny ladder. CJ shoves the tilted, giant ladder out of the way. He picks the baby ladder up, folding it into place. He then throws it like a spear at Canon…he watches, anxiously…this is his one and only chance to get back into the match. The ladder HITS Canon in the hip!! Canon’s legs swing off the rungs…he loses his grip and he tumbles face down onto the mat with a rough THUD! The crowd goes wild as Checkers moans from above~
Smith: NO!!!!!
Hood: Fuck yes! This show has been redeemed!
Smith: Get up, Curt! C’mon!
Hood: Get that monkey, CJ! You got this, bro!
~CJ hustles for the ring, he slides in under the bottom rope and makes his way toward the ladder. Canon slowly stirs. CJ steps on the bottom rung…he begins to climb. The ladder shakes…he has to be careful not to fall. He continues to climb, carefully. Canon rolls onto his back. Checkers IMPLORES Canon to get up by screaming. CJ is halfway up the ladder~
Smith: That evil, vile man is going to gain custody of Canon’s beloved Checkers!
Hood: Well, CJ may have lost a son…but he’s gaining a monkey!
Smith: Weak consolation prize
Hood: I don’t know, man…monkeys don’t ever take your car out without you knowing…getting into a wreck therefore doubling your insurance. Or well, they USUALLY don’t, anyway
~CJ nears the top. Checkers is writhing around under the restraints. He reaches up to grab the primate. Checkers SPITS in CJ’s face!! The wad of saliva smacks him in the eye. He’s about to fall…but regains his balance. He wipes his eye with disdain. He reaches back and SLAPS Checkers across the head! The crowd gasps. Checkers is knocked out, instantly. Canon looks up from the ring…he sees the act. He becomes full of parental rage~
Smith: Uh oh
Hood: He spanked Canon’s monkey…and Canon is not happy about that
Smith: C’mon, Curt…that’s just a preview of what life under CJ O’Donnell will be like…save your friend…save Checkers!
Hood: Not gonna happen
~Canon pops to his feet…he sprints toward the ropes…he bounces off and runs toward the ladder…the side CJ is climbing up…he darts past it and jumps through the air, landing on the middle rope…he springboards off and twists in the air, facing the ladder…he lands on the opposite set of rungs! He climbs the ladder like the Curt Canon of old. He reaches the top before CJ can react. He starts punching CJ in the head…CJ leans back…Canon hits him again and again and again…the prisoners are engaged…they may prefer CJ but they love violence~
Smith: Wow! What athleticism…Curt Canon just turned the clock back nearly twenty years
Hood: That looked like DareDevil!
Smith: Indeed!
~Canon has CJ reeling…he’s on the verge of victory. He tries to reach for Checkers, but CJ punches him in the gut. Canon elbows CJ in the jaw…CJ NEARLY falls off…he hangs on by a finger or two. Canon reaches the top of the ladder and he LEAPS over CJ for a sunset flip powerbomb off the ladder…he secures CJ’s waist and his feet hit a lower rung…CJ is pulled backward…but his legs wrap around Canon’s head and he tosses Curt with a Frankensteiner!!! Canon hits the mat and slides, uncontrollably toward the ropes…his head collides with the bottom rope. It bounces off the mat, knocking him out! Canon’s limp body reaches the edge of the apron and falls off, onto the dirt. CJ reaches his feet, stumbling around…the crowd is going wild~
Smith: NO!
Hood: Checkers is heading to the home he deserves!
Smith: I hope there are machetes in that house…
Hood: What the…excuse me?
Smith: Sorry, I lost my cool. I apologize to the O’Donnell family and CJ’s son, Hunter.
Hood: Too late now, man. You just put some kinda weird ass voodoo death curse on CJ!
~CJ reaches the ladder. He climbs. Canon is out of the picture. He’s not coming back from his fall. Checkers is out, as well. Nothing is in CJ’s way. He reaches the top and unhooks Checkers, placing the tiny monkey under his arm for safe keeping as he climbs down. The bell sounds. The crowd goes wild~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…. “THE DISTINGUISHED” CJ O’DONNELL!!!!!
Smith: This is a dark day for monkeys everywhere
Hood: Darker than the realization they created AIDS?
Smith: Is that a fact?
Hood: Meh, I don’t know…I just remember the rumor of some person fucking a monkey and contracting AIDS thus introducing it into the human population
Smith: WOW…thanks for that information…NOT!
Hood: Hey, it’s scientific fact I heard from some source, somewhere
Smith: This topic is going off the rails…the FACTS are that CJ O’Donnell has sole custody of Checkers AND he did what he said he’d do…he defeated an OCW legend on the largest stage OCW offers
Hood: Fucking right he did…CJ is the man!
Smith: As for Canon…heck of an effort…the man is as good as he ever was…it’s just in OCW…well, sometimes your best falls short
Hood: That’s why success is so valued in this place
Smith: Indeed!
~Our shot is taken to the front of the prison. There is a booth where patrons are paying to park inside the complex. It’s kinda pricey, which is why most people are parked OUTSIDE the fence. Anyway…a black and red hummer stands in line. It’s obvious due to its size, towering over the other vehicles. We are given a view inside the hummer…a familiar face catches our eye. It’s SKYTZ THE PIMP. He’s fidgeting with the glove compartment. A familiar voice sounds out~
Voice: Stop fucking with that, Sucka! You break it, you pay for it!
~Could it be? Does that voice belong to…Dean??? The hummer is one car away from the booth. The giant man behind the wheel grabs a Zorro like mask and a curly, red mustache. He puts them on…Skytz chuckles. The hummer is up…it pulls alongside the booth. A regular employee goes through the motions~
Employee: That’ll be twenty dollars for parking
Voice: Twenty fucking dollars? That’s robbery, sucka!
Eastern European: MAY I BE EXCUSED, PLEASE!
~The Eastern European appears. He shoves his way past the employee upon hearing the voice. He peers into the hummer and holds up a sheet of paper with PLETHORA on it~
Eastern European: Have you been seeing this man?
Voice: Uhh..err…me? No way! Never seen such a thing in my life
Eastern European: Wait the minute…I have been knowing this man for some time. He rings the bell in my head. You are…it’s…that’s right…look everybody! It’s NOT THE PRESIDENT DEAN!!
~Our view shifts giving us a full frontal view of the driver behind the hummer’s wheel. It is, in fact, NOT PRESIDENT DEAN. He chuckles, nervously. EE reaches in~
Eastern European: I would like to be shaking your hand now!
~NPD shakes EE’s hand. Skytz shakes his head, staring out the passenger’s window to not draw any unnecessary attention. NPD extends a twenty~
Not President Dean: Here ya go, sucka. If you don’t mind, I’d like to get settled before all the great OCW action begins!
~EE pushes the money away~
Eastern European: Oh no way in the jose! I will not be taking the moneys of Not the President Dean! You are my all time favorite wrestler! You get in free! Let this man pass…LET HIM PASS!
~Nobody argues with EE’s screeching demands. The arm to the gate raises and NPD drives away quickly but not TOO quickly. EE smiles and waves. He turns back to the guard and shows him the photo of Plethora~
Eastern European: I head back to office now. It is hot as the hell out here. Keep your two eyes out for this man! We think he show up tonight. No more fooling around…the Plethora could be anywhere!
~With that order, EE exits. We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Hood, he’s here!
Hood: Finally, the return of Not President Dean!
Smith: You know full well who that is
Hood: Yes, it’s NOT President Dean
Smith: Ugh…you’re as clueless as our acting general manager. Do you think he had anything to do with the disappearance of Welsh? Could he be working with Plethora?
Hood: NOT President Dean? No way…he’s just a wrestler, probably looking for a job
Smith: Never mind…just sit over there and continuing cooling your face off with that cold rag. I’d just like to say that the knowledge “NOT” President Dean is here raises the stakes considerably. If you’ll remember…the last time he was around, he and TIO weren’t on the best of terms
Hood: I NEED ANOTHER LEMONADE
Smith: And, after all that intrigue…all that drama…Hood is in need of another lemonade. Well everyone…while Hood gets his lemonade and while I take a cold, wet rag of my own to cool down…let’s head back to prison row as we’re set for our next match!
~We head into the increasingly familiar prison cell row. A new, veteran guard is taking the slow, methodical, unemotional march along the row of cells. One door is open…the doors that once held CJ. He stops and looks down at a list~
Guard: Chad Vargas!
Chad Vargas: WEAK ASS PRISON!
Guard: You’re up!
~Vargas extends his arms through the rectangular hole. Cuffs are applied. The gate is opened. He is led out of his cell, down the row. The inmates are going wild yelling “PUT THAT BITCH IN HER PLACE!” Vargas nods, smiling, “BITCH IS GOING DOWN!” he says. The inmates respond with a resounding “FUCK YEA!” We cut back to the ring inside the prison rodeo arena. It’s been all fixed up from the Canon/CJ match. It’s ready to go~
Hood: Smith?
Smith: Yes, Hood
Hood: Why aren’t THOSE prisoners in the crowd?
Smith: I’m told those prisoners violated certain rules during the week and, as punishment, were forced to miss the event.
Hood: Wow...that sucks
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the One Night Only Attraction!!
~The crowd explodes with “FUCKING VARGAS RULES!” chants. Belvedere lowers the mic, waiting for the expletive filled shouting to cease~
Three Levels of Hardcore Match
”The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas (5-4) vs. Julliet Brooks (0-0)
Belvedere: This is a Three Levels of Hardcore Match. The match will begin with phase 1…a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match! From that, it will move onto phase 2…Lighttube Ropes, Lighttube Bundles & Concrete Blocks…if the same competitor wins both phases, the match is over. If the phases are split, we move onto phase 3…Bed of Nails and more Lighttubes. Introducing first…
~”Down” by Otep hits…the prisoners BOO heavily. OCW quickly edits the shot to the fans outside the prison. They are going wild. Fans along the fence line are jumping up and down while watching one of the MANY television screens set up. The tiny, female fans are especially excited, watching their heroine make her OCW debut. We cut back to the ring and rodeo arena. Brooks emerges from behind the curtain and takes in the atmosphere. Prisoners boo…they call her all kinds of filthy words…they try to spit on her…luckily the entrance has a clear, Plexiglas covering to prevent any of the contaminated saliva from touching her. Brooks has soaked in enough of the strange aura…she hustles up the black, carpeted walk way and slides into the ring, under the bottom rope. She pops to her feet. She isn’t intimated AT ALL by the angry, vile prisoners and their insults~
Belvedere: From Albuquerque, New Mexico…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 108lbs…please welcome the world famous Julliet Brooks!!!
~She isn’t welcomed by the prisoners. In fact, they chant “WHORE” and “SLUT”. Brooks rotates her shoulders, focusing on the task at hand. We cut, once more, to the exterior where fans are going wild. “BROOKS!” chants surround the prison. Our shot returns to the rodeo arena where the boos won’t end. “Needle and the Spoon” by Lynyrd Skynyrd fires up…the boos instantly turn to cheers. The prisoners jump up and down…they slap at the glass surrounding the ring…CHAD VARGAS emerges from behind the curtain with a police escort. They lead him to the ring, up the steps and through the ropes~
Belvedere: And her opponent, from Everclear County, Tennessee…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 245lbs…he is a former OCW Champion… “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas!!!
~The cuffs are removed, the guard exits the ring. Vargas stares down Brooks. She returns with a confident gaze of her own. The crowd is firmly behind Vargas. He looks around, nodding his head to the Vargas chants. He then points at Brooks…they boo. A “FUCK HER UP!” chant breaks out. Chad nods and goes after Julliet~
Smith: We keep saying it…but what a unique crowd. I doubt Julliet Brooks, as traveled as she is, has ever endured anything like this
Hood: Probably during her days as a stripper…I’m sure she got called slut a lot
Smith: She was NEVER a stripper. Stop it with the false allegations
Hood: Does it matter? Vargas is going to kill her. She won’t be around in half an hour to file a complaint
~Brooks steps through the ropes. Chad reaches the corner and extends his arms, grasping at her…she drops to the dirt outside the ring. The fans boo. Vargas climbs through the ropes, going after Brooks. She backs up, giving him space…his feet hit the dirt. She charges at Vargas with a knee…he catches her leg. She hops on her left leg…Vargas sweeps it…Brooks falls and hits the dirt with a thud. Vargas drops her leg and jumps into the air, he comes down with a double foot stomp into Julliet’s gut! She heaves forward, grasping at her abdomen. Chad steps off, onto the dirt. Julliet rolls onto her side, curled up and coughing. Chad lifts up the apron and pulls out a steel chair~
Smith: Well this didn’t take long
Hood: Dude’s been waiting to beat the hell out of a woman for over a month now…why would he wait any longer…grab that chair and kick her ass!
Smith: While this type of setting is somewhat familiar to an OCW veteran like Vargas…it’s completely foreign to Julliet Brooks. I’m sure she’s still trying to decipher what she’s gotten herself into
Hood: The end, Smith. We’re going to see the end of Julliet Brooks and, hopefully, female wrestling!
Smith: I hope not…she’s one of my favorites!
~Vargas looks at the chair like he’s inspecting something very ancient and very deep. He then SLAMS it into the apron. It hits with a loud CRACK. The chair is bent at a 90 degree angle. The prisoners dig this unnecessary act of destruction. Vargas heads over to Brooks…she is on her hands and knees…he KICKS her in the gut…she flips over onto her back. Vargas takes the chair…it’s shaped almost like a triangle…the ‘pointed’ portion, he jams into her abdomen. He places both hands on the new ‘legs’ (the top and bottom of the chair in its original form). He lifts his right foot up and positions it~
Smith: Don’t tell me…
Hood: Oh man, I didn’t know Brooks was pregnant!
Smith: What?
Hood: Vargas is about to perform a C-Section!
Smith: Gross!
~Vargas brings his foot down…Brooks grabs the chair and lifts up! Chad’s foot misses its mark due to the unexpected position manipulation. His foot winds up pushing THROUGH a gap in between the chair’s legs…it still manages to hit Brooks after kicking through the gap…but the blow is a fairly weak one into her upper thigh. Brooks holds onto the chair and sits up. Vargas is having trouble maintaining his balance with his right leg stuck in the chair. Brooks stands, holding onto the chair…she pushes forward, it moves up his leg from the ankle to the knee. She pushes up again…it tightens around his knee and thigh. Vargas tries to push it off…but, as he does, we can see it ripping into the lower portion of his shorts. He stops before it catches any flesh. Julliet looks at Vargas and smiles~
Smith: Whatever she does to him, he deserves…the man was trying to IMPALE her with that chair
Hood: No he wasn’t…I think he realized she had one of those ALIEN things inside her stomach and was trying to get rid of it
Smith: Yea, I don’t think so
Hood: But do you KNOW so?
Smith: Yes, I know that Brooks does not have a lethal alien growing in her stomach
Hood: Talk about a letdown! OCW just isn’t what it used to be
~Brooks, holding onto the chair, drops to the dirt with a Dragon Screw!! The metal, locked onto Chad’s leg, completely screws and turns his right knee!! Vargas yells out in pain as he hits the dirt, reaching for his knee. Some blood starts to ooze from a few of the meatier portions belonging to his thigh. The bent, jagged, warped metal bit into his skin just enough to breach. The fans are booing heavily…a few chants of “FUCK YOU BITCH!” sound out. Brooks ignores them as she sits up, admiring her work~
Smith: I must say…there is a dark side to Julliet Brooks
Hood: Ya think? Who picks this kind of match, seriously?
Smith: Someone with a thirst for blood
Hood: So she’s a vampire
Smith: NOT LITERALLY…I, I don’t think
~Julliet looks under the ring…she finds a ladder. It’s another one of those RIDICULOUSLY tall ladders. She slides it into the ring with an idea firing off in her eyes. Vargas, meanwhile, is working the ladder off his leg…it’s almost like a crown of thorns wrapped tightly just above the knee. A jagged, steel garter of sorts. Blood is leaking from a few gashes above his knee…scratch marks are produced…but, eventually, he gets the chair away from the fleshiest portion of his leg and is able to slide it quickly across his shin, to his foot. Brooks locates another chair from under the ring and has it gripped tightly. She’s watching Chad, allowing him to fix the issue surrounding his leg. Chad finally relieves himself of the chair and looks at the damage…a few puncture wounds…a couple of deep scratches…some blood but nothing he can’t handle. He stands and turns around. WHACK!! Brooks DRILLS Chad in the head with a chair!! He falls to the ground like two hundred plus pounds of dead weight. The prisoners are furious. They want to kill Julliet~
Smith: What a vicious chair shot! Julliet Brooks is showing the OCW fan base that she’s more than just a pretty face!
Hood: She’s a damn succubus or whatever the fuck those things are called….a damn black widow…praying mantis…she’s pure evil, man
Smith: Uhh, no…pure evil would be the man parading around in a mask attacking defenseless women
Hood: Hey, one of those women was Annie Alvarez…she’s far from defenseless
Smith: You have a point there
~Brooks tosses the chair down and goes back under the ring. She locates a table! The crowd cannot get behind the introduction of these items…they are too angered over the fact a WOMAN is competing and succeeding against Chad fucking Vargas. She slides the table into the ring. Vargas starts to sit up. Brooks finds the chair she recently used…she winds up and CRACKS Vargas in the back with it!! Vargas falls over to his side, reaching toward his back in pain~
Smith: That’s right…keep him down. Don’t underestimate Vargas…he’s a former OCW Champion for a reason
Hood: Just A reason? Man, way to undersell The Confederate Icon
Smith: A MULTITUDE of reasons, alright? Look, the man has talent….but his actions, his attitude…well that’s another story
Hood: A very compelling story…a story I’d read…ya know, as long as there were plenty of pictures to move the bitch along
Smith: You are definitely a man of knowledge and etiquette my friend
Hood: You got that fucking right!
~Brooks tosses the chair inside the ring. She looks through the ropes…table, ladder, and chair…everything appears to be in working order. Behind her, Chad Vargas rises like the awakened dead. She hears the fans cheer…she turns and has her hair snatched by an angry bigot. Vargas screams obscenities at her…she remains calm and kicks him in the wounded leg!! She kicks him again, causing more blood to squeeze out…Vargas lets go and falls to one knee, reaching for his wound. Brooks steps back and runs forward with a Shining Wizard into Chad’s head!! He falls over into the dirt. The crowd begins to chant “THIS FUCKING SUCKS!”~
Smith: Like a predator on the prowl…Brooks knows Vargas is wounded and is going to exploit that weakness to maintain her advantage
Hood: Weak ass booking…seriously…she gets to pick the match…an OBVIOUS advantage…like, why does OCW hate Chad so much?
Smith: Because he’s a terrible human being
Hood: Oh fuck off…your definition of a terrible human being is someone who leaves the toilet seat up…ya fuckin pussy
Smith: You’re starting to sound like Vargas…STOP THAT RIGHT NOW
~Brooks tosses Vargas into the ring, under the bottom rope. She hops onto the apron. Vargas gets to his feet, out of instinct. He searches for Brooks, somewhat bewildered. Brooks hops onto the top rope and springboards off, dropping Chad in the center of the ring with a Codebreaker!!! Vargas is OUT! Brooks thinks about a pin, but has a better idea…she goes for the table~
Smith: Julliet Brooks is smart…she knows it’s going to take something tremendous to keep Chad Vargas down on a show of this magnitude
Hood: No shit…the OCW legends come to fight on the big events. This isn’t some pussy ass match on Massacre.
Smith: Stop that!
Hood: What! Stop what?!
Smith: Talking like Vargas!
~Brooks sets the table up in the middle of the ring. She grabs the insanely tall ladder and sets it up near a corner. She grabs the chair and helps Vargas up. He’s starting to come alive. She SMACKS him in the head with the chair. He falls on top of the table, in perfect position. Brooks hits him again and again and again with the chair until Chad’s arms hang limply off the sides of the table. Brooks then covers him with the chair and heads for the ladder~
Smith: If Brooks hits what I think she’s going to attempt then she’ll secure the first pin fall in this match!
Hood: This isn’t looking good
Smith: Not if you’re a racist bigot aka a Chad Vargas fan! The first fall in one of these matches is a huge advantage
Hood: I’m fed up with this world!
~Brooks ascends the ladder…the higher she gets, the more unstable it becomes. She reaches the top…she’s really high…nauseatingly high. She seems perfectly calm, however. She steps up on the top of the ladder…the prisoners in attendance grow excited…a terrible fall from that location would seem highly likely. Brooks, however, shows grace and balance…she reaches the top and stands, her back to Vargas. The prisoners are almost awed by the sight…it’s impressive~
Smith: She’s so high
Hood: She’s so hiiiiigh…high above me, she’s so lovely
Smith: What on Earth?
Hood: Old song that just popped into my head. But, yea, she’s really fucking high, bro…LITERALLY
~Brooks breathes in deeply. If she were religious, now would be the time for prayer. She LEAPS off with a rotating double moonsault. She performs the rotations with grace and fluidity. She comes falling down toward Vargas…Chad’s arms come to life! He THROWS the chair off of him and into the air…it CRACKS Julliet in the face as she’s on the way down!!! Her head and body snap backward, onto the mat…she lands, awkwardly on her back!! The ring shivers from impact. The crowd goes wild. Chad limps to his feet…he grabs Julliet by the hair, pulling her up…he then drives her through the table with The Stroke!!!! The prisoners go wild!!! Vargas covers Brooks…Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
Belvedere: The winner of the first fall…Chad Vargas!!!
~The arena becomes borderline psychotic with fervor. Chad sits up with a look of satisfaction. OCW personnel hit the ring and begin setting it up for the next phase~
Smith: I’m sick…I really hope Julliet is okay after that
Hood: She might need some plastic surgery…but, shit, she’s, what, in her thirties? She’s probably overdue for a little nip/tuck
Smith: Her natural beauty still flows
Hood: Haha, yea, sure…I mean, don’t get me wrong, she isn’t a brown bag special but let’s be honest…she’s not beating out any twenty year olds with that aged face!
Smith: You are so rude!
~Vargas locates the chair. Brooks rolls over and we see blood raining onto the mat, her nose must be busted. Vargas picks up the chair. Light tubes are being secured to ALL FOUR sides of the ring. Cinderblocks are being placed in the corner. Vargas should wait for the bell to sound but, as usual, he says fuck it. He DRILLS Brooks in the back with the chair. After the hit he yells, “You like that, bitch? Huh? Do ya!?” He hits her again and yells, “Doesn’t feel so fucking good, does it, bitch?” He hits her again, “Fucking bitch!” He hits her again and again…the crowd counts along, reaching lucky number seven. Vargas delivers one final blow to the back of Brooks…her body is almost pounded into the mat at this point. He flings the chair out of the ring and screams at the top of his lungs “WEAK ASS BOOKING!!!” The place goes crazy with chants of “CHAD! CHAD! CHAD!”~
Smith: The anger and frustration over months and months of booking agony have finally caught up with Chad Vargas!
Hood: He’s furious and I don’t blame him. Alice Knight, MJ Bell…PerZag…all given OCW Title shots instead of The Confederate Icon…fucking bullshit!
Smith: Don’t forget The Aptitude
Hood: No shit…and now he’s put in position to entertain this OUTSIDER for a one night only match? I’m telling you, management hates Chad Vargas
~Fluorescent light tubes are taped to the ropes. We’re looking at about fifteen per side. They aren’t on ALL four sides…just the side closest to the camera and the side furthest from the camera. A pile of cinderblocks are maneuvered into two of the corners…one being the front left (from our view) and the other being the back right (from our view). And, finally a light tube/cinder block bundle is slid into the back left corner…a second one is slid into the front right corner. The bundles consist, basically of four light tubes…two on each side with two cinder blocks in the middle. The light tube/cinder block bundle in the back left corner is situated under the tall ass ladder, which is still in the ring. They are held together by thick, heavy, clear wrapping. Chad looks around at everything being set up with a “WTF” gaze. Brooks is still down, front first on the mat. The entire shindig is set up and ready for competition. The bell rings…the prisoners go crazy~
Smith: And we are entering phase 2…for those of you at home with weak stomachs
Hood: PUSSIES
Smith: I advise that you go make some nachos or something during this portion
Hood: What about a potential phase 3?
Smith: Okay…let me rephrase that…you might want to get into your car and drive to the furthest taco stand in your area to grab some snacks for the rest of the show. Just, ya know, skip what’s about to come next
Hood: Actively advising fans to stop watching our current show…CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
~Vargas walks around the ring. He’s never experienced anything as wild as this. His fingers run along the light tubes. He bends down and picks one of the bundles up getting a feel for the weight and dissecting, visually the structure. He places it back down. He heads to the cinderblocks in the front left corner…they are all situated against one another…none are stacked. There are fifteen of them in the two corners designated for their occupation. He picks one up with his right hand and holds it into the air…the crowd yells “YES” Chad smiles and walks over to Julliet~
Smith: What is he going to do to that poor woman?
Hood: Poor woman? This was HER idea
Smith: Hard for me to believe someone that breathtaking could conjure up something this hideous
Hood: Yea, I wouldn’t want to meet her at a bar. Imagine picking her up…you wouldn’t have a CLUE what you were in for
~Vargas grabs pieces from the table and tosses them out of the ring. He clears some space for what he’s about to perform. He places the cinder block on the mat, next to Julliet’s head. He grabs Brooks by the hair and places her head atop the block. The prisoners aren’t reviled or repulsed…if anything, they seem turned on. Vargas lifts his food and brings it down…Brooks moves her head!! Chad’s leg hits the block…it meets resistance at first…then the block shatters! Vargas grabs his knee…it’s his right knee, the same bloodied knee from earlier…he limps around, grasping at the joint~
Smith: Whew, that was close
Hood: Fucking Vargas probably just blew his knee out…son of a bitch!
Smith: Yea, well he shouldn’t have tried to crush her skull
Hood: Hey, it’s a 3 level of Hardcore match…what ya gonna do?
~A fresh squirt or two of blood flows down his leg from the unexpected trauma inflicted upon the recovering appendage. Vargas doesn’t seem concerned with the blood – he’s focused solely on getting the joint stabilized. Brooks gets to all fours…she makes it to one knee. Vargas spots her regaining solid footing…he runs in and throws his left foot at her head. Brooks dodges the kick…Chad stumbles toward the light tubes…he stops, coming to a halt right before smashing into a few of them. He lifts his right leg up, tweaking it by stopping so quickly. Brooks pops to her feet behind Vargas…the prisoners yell for Chad to turn around~
Smith: Uh oh…I think Brooks has some bad intentions
Hood: Ya think? I mean, how often do I have to keep saying the same thing…LOOK AT THIS FUCKING MATCH SHE CHOSE
Smith: It is a good point
Hood: This woman probably eats glass
Smith: How do people do that without cutting their mouths?
Hood: You’re asking the wrong guy – I take pride in not being an idiot
~Brooks sneaks up behind Vargas…she’s about to shove him into the tubes…Vargas turns around! He clutches Brooks around the throat and bullies her across the ring…there is a CONFEDERATE RAGE in his eyes. Brooks tries to pry his hand away from her throat but his grip is too strong…she coughs, struggling for air. He pulls his arm back, preparing to toss her into the tubes…she delivers a swift kick to his right knee!! He stumbles…she does it again! He lets go! Brooks dives and grabs Chad’s legs. She lifts him up in the air. She falls backward and drapes him across the ropes, into four light tubes with a FLAPJACK!! Chad’s face, chest, and abdomen crash against the tubes…they explode! White power flies everywhere…Chad hits the mat, rolling around in pain. Brooks rolls out of the way and sits up, watching on, with a smile…the fans chant ‘SADISTIC WHORE!’~
Smith: OUCH…that could ruin Chad’s weekend
Hood: Fucking bitch…we all know how much Chad loves his weekends!
Smith: Rumors have it he frequents a dance hall named SLINGERS
Hood: He doesn’t just frequent the place…he locks the mother fucker down!
~Brooks snares Vargas by his blonde hair. We see a few cuts across both cheeks…his chin is bloody as well. His chest has red streaks running down it and there’s a solid gash around his abs…people watching this are already deeming it the most effective FLAPJACK ever. Brooks doesn’t relent…she knees him in the gut…Vargas staggers back, to one knee. Brooks snares one of the light tubes from the ropes...it comes off easily. She swings it at Chad’s head…it smashes into a thousand pieces!! Chad wobbles…but he doesn’t go down, instead, he looks up at Brooks and yells ‘HIT ME AGAIN BITCH!’ Brooks doesn’t seem to have a problem honoring his request…she grabs another light tube and SMASHES it against his head. Blood starts to bubble up from inside and around Chad’s blonde hair. He lets out a yell and demands “AGAIN BITCH!”~
Smith: Vargas appears to be a glutton for punishment!
Hood: Geezus…this is fucking nasty
Smith: Well we knew it wouldn’t be pretty!
Hood: Yea, but this is like five dollar hooker snatch ugly!
~Brooks grabs a third light tube and smashes it over his head…he keeps yelling and waving for her to do it again. She grabs a fourth light tube and smashes it over his head…she grabs a fifth, nailing him with that tube…Chad reaches his feet and he yells out ‘KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!!” The prisoners are behind him, going nuts. Brooks looks at the broken portion of light tube still in her hand. She spots the jagged edge from where it broke off. She then STABS that into his left peck!! Vargas stops yelling and screaming…he looks down at the piece of glass sticking out of his chest…the prisoners wince~
Smith: This could go one of two ways for Julliet
Hood: She fucking stabbed him…geezus…and she’s the hero in this?
Smith: Hey, Vargas has been attacking women for months…whatever he gets he deserves
Hood: SHE STABBED HIM
~Chad yanks it out and crushes the portion of light tube in his left hand. Blood flows from his palm, down his wrist, dripping off at his elbow. He throws the pieces of glass in Julliet’s face…she turns around to avoid getting glass in her eye, giving her back up to Chad. Vargas capitalizes. He hoists Julliet up and heads toward a corner with cinder blocks…he then twists Brooks around and slams her, back first into the cinderblocks with a Blue Thunder Bomb!! The blocks are crushed!! Gray dust kicks up as Brooks’ body slumps amidst the rubble. The prisoners chant “HOLY SHIT” the crimson covered Vargas goes for a pin…Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!
Smith: She kicked out! Unbelievable!
Hood: This fucking woman, I swear.
Smith: She’s amazing…I’ve heard of stories of her talent for years…but seeing it firsthand I can truly appreciate what she brings when she steps through those ropes
Hood: I bet she’s related to that puppet from Saw
~Vargas is pissed. He wipes blood from his eyes…it keeps trickling out of his hair, down his forehead like sweat on a humid day. He drags Julliet out of the pile of broken blocks. Scruff kicks the destroyed blocks out of the ring and shuffles the unharmed blocks together…the stack has been halved, basically from the move. Vargas gives Brooks a head butt…it leaves a giant, red blotch of blood on her forehead. He takes his index finger and draws the initials “C.V.” in blood across her forehead. The crowd goes wild. He heads into a corner, grabbing one of the bundles. He holds it like a baseball bat. Brooks is wobbly…she doesn’t appear to have any sense of what’s going on~
Smith: Poor Julliet…it appears Chad is moments away from winning this…
Hood: I love it! Fucker just marked his territory right on that bitches FACE
Smith: A horribly demeaning act
Hood: Blah blah blabbity blah
~Vargas lines up like a home run hitter. He takes a huge swing at Julliet’s head…Julliet ducks!! Vargas whiffs and gives his back to Brooks….she hooks him around the waist and tosses him over her head with a Release German!! He SLAMS into the remaining cinderblocks from the corner they were previously in. They all shatter from impact!! Chad’s body spasms…blood pours down onto the mat...it mixes in with the gray dust, creating some weird substance that looks like pudding. Brooks staggers around to a chorus of boos~
Smith: Oh no! Chad’s neck might be broken!
Hood: One night only…fucking hell…she’s gonna waltz in here for ONE FUCKING MATCH and cripple an OCW legend
Smith: I think Chad will be okay…he’s been through worse
Hood: Nothing is worse than this, Smith…NOTHING
~Brooks heads for the corner with remaining cinder blocks. Two at a time, she brings them into the center of the ring. She starts to stack them up, creating an elevated, rectangular platform…like a tabernacle, almost. Vargas starts to stir. She finishers her platform, minus one block. She walks over to Vargas and grabs his slippery, red hair. She drags him to the blocks and SLAMS him, face first into the top of the pile. A few on the edge, where his head smacked, crush and fall away…the rest remain intact. She lifts Vargas up and slams him on top of the structure. She grabs the first bundle Vargas used as a bat. She then slides the second bundle out from the corner, under the incredible tall ladder (WHICH IS STILL STANDING). She places them on the mat, next to the cinder block tabernacle~
Smith: She seems very good at this
Hood: Must have had a LEGO set growing up!
Smith: Didn’t we all?
Hood: I didn’t…and thanks for pouring salt into that wound, jackass
Smith: I was unaware
~Brooks grabs the final cinder block. There isn’t really a spot for it so she starts to toss it out of the ring. That is, until she spots Vargas trying to sit up. She hustles over and SMASHES it against his forehead!! It crumbles to the mat like ash from a volcano. Vargas goes limp…his arms hang from the edges. Brooks places both bundles on top of the Confederate Icon…she then turns to the unnecessarily tall ladder…she starts to ascend. She nears the top…the ladder starts to wobble…the fans get excited yelling “FALL BITCH FALL!” She takes the final step, reaching the top of the ladder. Her feet are close together…she’s got everything balanced…she bends and the knees~
Smith: She’s going to give it another go! Amaterasu…a double rotation moonsault!
Hood: Well, she’ll either send this into phase three or her career in OCW will be over
Smith: There is no middle ground!
Hood: I guess a drone could swoop in and snatch her out of the air. But I don’t think they can afford drones in Louisiana
~She LEAPS off the top. The prisoners look on with hope and wonder in their eyes. They wonder if she will crash and burn. They hope the fall will kill her. No such luck…she performs two full, flawless rotations and CRASHES on top of Vargas!! The impact decimates the cinder blocks, cutting right through them. The light tube bundles explode in a mixture of white and gray dust. The crowd goes wild with “HOLY FUCKIN SHIT” chants. They may not like Brooks but that was some next level insanity. Julliet rolls around, holding her stomach. Blood is leaking through her hands. Her abdomen has been sliced. He grabs Vargas by his foot and drags him away from the carnage. He’s on the mat, shoulders down. She covers him with one arm, holding her stomach with the other….Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
Belvedere: The winner of the second phase….Julliet Brooks!!! We will now move into the third and final phase…SUDDEN DEATH. In this phase, the missing light tubes will be replaced on the ropes….AND we will bring in a bed of nails!
Smith: GAG
Hood: What’s next? A tank full of sharks they have to swim through?
Smith: Let’s hope not
Hood: At least Brooks is cut FINALLY…a self-inflicted cesarean….kind of like that scene in Prometheus!
Smith: Never saw it
~Brooks stands and removes her hand. She looks at her stomach. She pulls pieces of glass out from her wound. It isn’t too deep…like her guts aren’t about to spill anywhere. It’s just cut and bleeding. Vargas is still knocked out. The mess of cinderblocks is brushed away. A bed of nails is slid into a corner. The nails are FUCKING HUGE. They look like the useful end of a Phillips Head screwdriver. All light tubes have been replenished on the ropes. There are no more cinder blocks or bundles. The bell sounds~
Smith: And here we go…the final phase of this match
Hood: What if someone dies…I mean, seriously, what if they get impaled on that bed of nails?
Smith: I don’t think that’s possible…those nails are way too big and blunt to impale somebody
Hood: WEAK ASS NAILS?
Smith: Oh no, they’d still hurt…they’d still cut…they just won’t kill
Hood: Weak Ass Nails.
~Brooks rubs her stomach, smearing some of the blood around. She can’t feel any other sharp objects. So she goes after Chad. She pulls Chad to his feet and drags him near the ladder. She lays him down on the mat and begins to climb. The fans have this “NOT AGAIN!” vibe going on~
Smith: Julliet’s looking to end the match!
Hood: This is sudden death…what do you think, Smith…Sudden or Prolonged Death?
Smith: I…I don’t have a clue, honestly
Hood: If I’m dying a painful death, I want sudden. But if I’m going to like have a heart attack during sex…I’d like it to prolong a bit…at least until I’m finished
Smith: Thanks for that
~Julliet climbs…she reaches the ¾ marker…both feet on a rung. She’s about to take a step up when the ladder shakes. She looks down. Vargas, on his knees, has grasped the bottom of the ladder and is shaking it, trying to get Brooks to fall off. Julliet hugs the ladder, cementing her position. Vargas staggers to his feet and stumbles away from the ladder…the man is cloaked in blood. He ejects a giant red spit wad at the mat and rushes for the legs of the ladder. He grabs them and lifts the ladder up…he bends his knees, gets leverage underneath and HEAVES the bottom of the ladder into the air…it tips head first over the corner and outside the ring!! Julliet falls off the ladder and disappears from site, behind the corner of the ring. The fans go wild as the ladder bounces off the steps…it shakes and falls onto the ground, warped and probably useless. Vargas staggers back and sits down in the center of the ring, feeling around his head~
Smith: Vargas just turned this match on its head…LITERALLY
Hood: Well, not LITERALLY…he turned the ladder and, probably Brooks on their head!
Smith: I hope she’s okay…that looked like a terrible fall
Hood: If one of our fatass camera men would get their FATASS over there…maybe we’d find out
~The cameraman finally gets his fatass to the other side of the ring and we see Brooks laying on her side, breathing heavily. She slowly rolls over, onto her back, wincing in pain. Her hair is filthy, covered with dirt. The crowd gets rowdy. Vargas slides out under the bottom rope. He leans against the apron for a second…he then proceeds, grabbing Julliet’s thick, dirty hair. He hurls her into the ring, under the bottom rope and rolls in behind. He looks around the ring…an idea hits him~
Smith: What is this disgusting human being from the South going to do?
Hood: What the fuck…FROM THE SOUTH…I like how you just slipped that in there…was that really necessary?
Smith: Well he IS from the South
Hood: Yea, but the way you threw that in there.
Smith: Oh I LOVE people from the south…no offense southerners
Hood: Damage control!
~Vargas, on his feet, grabs Brooks by the hair, yanking her to an upright position. He drags her to the ropes where the light tubes are attached. They are secured vertically with the tops sticking out above the top rope. Vargas knees Brooks in the gut, she bends over…he places her face against the top rope and starts to rake it across the hard, scratchy surface~
Smith: Oh no…he wouldn’t…don’t do it!
Hood: FUCK THAT BITCH UP…Julliet ‘Scarface’ Brooks!
~Chad won’t stop…you know it, I know it. He rakes her pretty face along that top rope…they reach the light tubes and he just keeps going. CRACK, BREAK, BUST…all noises associated with glass breaking fill the atmosphere surrounding the ring. Brooks yells and tries to get away, but Chad won’t relent. We pull away from the carnage for the sake of our viewers. Our pulled away view shows Brooks being dragged along with POP POP POP as the tubes explode one after the other with her face being shoved through them. The fifteenth and final tube is ruined and Vargas throws Brooks face first at the mat. She hits and covers up…the prisoners go wild with ‘YES! YES! YES!’ chants~
Smith: Disgusting…I’m sickened…horrified
Hood: Turnabout is fair play, Smith. She gashed his ass all up…it’s only natural he’d return the favor
Smith: I only hope those injuries are not permanent
Hood: So what if they are? Like I said…it’s about time for some plastic surgery
~Vargas grabs Julliet by the hair and pulls up, revealing her gashed and bloodied face. It’s a terrible sight…a beautiful woman reduced to something resembling a Freddy Krueger victim. The prisoners aren’t deterred, though, they’d still throw a shot at her. Even Dirty Devin lets out a cat call. Vargas pulls Brooks to her feet…he yells at her “You thought you could come in here and beat me? Huh? You stupid bitch!” He drags her toward the other rope covered in light tubes. He attempts to drag her face through the tubes for a second time…Brooks, though, grabs the ropes with her hands, preventing Vargas from pushing her forward. She elbows Vargas in the gut. Vargas shoves her away. She staggers back, near the bed of nails! The crowd rises with excitement. Vargas charges forward…Brooks puts her head down…he pulls up!! He shakes his head, “Nope, not falling for that one.” Brooks reaches out, grabs Vargas’ body and throws him over her head with a Release Northern Lights Suplex!! Vargas lands RIGHT ON TOP of the bed of nails!! His back arches in pain…he tries to roll off but can’t. He sits up and winces…every movement provides additional pain…he tries to remain still. The blood thirsty crowd is going wild~
Smith: These fans may hate Julliet Brooks…but they seem to enjoy watching people get cut up
Hood: Misery loves company, Smith
Smith: That is definitely true
Hood: And company makes people miserable…it’s a vicious circle, really
Smith: That isn’t true!
Hood: Hmm, really? Guess I’ve been spending too much time around you then!
~Julliet returns to her feet and throws a kick into Chad’s head…as he’s sitting up…he falls onto his back, atop the nails. She pulls the bed out from the corner a bit and turns it to the side…where Chad is in prime position for a splash, senton or DOUBLE MOONSAULT? She steps onto Chad’s stomach. Vargas yells in pain…Brooks walks across his body for no real reason other than torture. She leaps off of Chad’s chest and hops onto the top buckle. We see blood oozing, dripping from Chad’s back, through the nails, onto the wooden bed underneath~
Smith: Oh no…don’t tell me
Hood: This bitch is fucking CRAZY
Smith: The damage this could cause…if she hits OR misses is…well, it’s unfathomable
Hood: Fuck it…I say go for it…at this point, who fucking cares
~Brooks looks down at Vargas…Chad looks up…his eyes widen with a ‘Holy Shit’ look. He says ‘to hell with this’ and sits up, wincing from the pain the added pressure of his lower body atop the nails brings. He reaches for the ropes and dives into them, getting OFF the bed of nails!! Brooks loses her footing and she crotches on the top buckle…her body bends forward with her head pointing at the mat. Vargas picks up the bed of nails and holds it over his head…he yells ‘FUCK THIS SHIT’ and THROWS it out of the ring, into the dirt. He grabs Brooks by the hair and yanks her down, off the buckle…he drags her, angrily toward the second alignment of tubes. He doesn’t hesitate dragging her face through the tubes…one by one they explode in her face. He stops and screams into her face, which is pouring blood “THIS AIN’T BOARDWALK BITCH…WELCOME TO OCW!” He then wraps his arm around her head…his leg over hers and DRILLS her into the mat with The Stroke!!! He rolls Julliet over and goes for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The crowd goes WILD!!! Vargas pops to his feet, covered in blood. Scruff tries to raise his hand, but he pushes the OCW veteran referee away~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….“THE CONFEDERATE ICON” CHAD VARGAS!!!!!
~The prisoners yell “FUCK YES!” Vargas marches for the ropes, hopping out of the ring. He’s PISSED off. He heads through the tunnel, disappearing through the ropes. OCW medics rush into the ring to look at Julliet. The Knife Man is seen peeking from behind the curtain…he quickly covers his face, repulsed by the bloody scene~
Smith: What a win for Chad Vargas! A much needed victory…the man has had an incredibly tough 2017 but that win…that might have been the momentum shifter he so desperately needed
Hood: Fucker needed something…and I’m glad he won…especially after going through THAT
Smith: It was a brutal match…one of the most brutal matches in OCW history
Hood: No shit
Smith: I just hope Julliet is okay…she took a beating in that third phase
Hood: Who fucking cares…she CALLED for this stipulation AND she was about to JUMP onto a bed of nails from the top rope. She’s a fucking psycho, if you ask me
Smith: There is a violent side to her I was unaware of, that’s for sure
Hood: The Knife Man won’t even come near her!
Smith: That’s because our medic SLASH mechanic is unable to look at or handle blood
Hood: Hell of a medic we’ve got!
~Julliet rolls to the ropes and pulls to her feet without the help of OCW’s medics. She’s tough. She wipes away the heavy amount of blood on her face and hair then she walks over to grab a mic from Belvedere. The crowd inside the arena is obviously muted as Brooks has a statement to declare~
Julliet Brooks: I'm not going to lie, I'm battered and in so much pain, but this.. this was all worth it. Now I can walk away from this experience with a smile on my face, or...... I can continue with this new path. You know what just happened wasn't enough for me. That's right I want more, more competition, more innovative matches such as this, so as of right now you're looking at the newest member of the roster. I hope you know what you are getting into having me, because I'm not exactly what you would expect as you witnessed already. Just keep that in mind.
~She drops the mic and her music plays as she exists the ring. The crowd outside the prison…which is what’s played to the viewing audience at home cheer her on as they heard the exciting news. She smiles through the pain she’s in, ignoring the prisoners surrounding her. She’s got a lot left to prove in OCW and is excited to prove it. She painfully exits the ring and slowly vacates the arena, in tremendous pain~
Smith: What an announcement! Julliet Brooks is a full time competitor in OCW!
Hood: Hmm…
Smith: What?
Hood: I’m going to APPROVE of this announcement. Bitch can take a beating so, yea, she’s alright
Smith: Hood’s seal of approval! Alright everybody…we’re going to take a quick break…and then…it’s off to the golf course for the match I’M MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO
Hood: Calm yourself, Smith
~We cut to an anonymous location in AMSTERDAM. Jack Puffer is ON THE CASE. He’s looking over some questionable brownies. A local stares at him as if to say ‘stupid american.’ Puffer looks up~
Jack Puffer: Do all of these have nuts? I’m allergic to nuts. Or, at least I think I am…I can’t find that allergy diagnosis…misplaced it somewhere at home…
Employee: American, right?
Jack Puffer: Born and Bred, yessir! Detective Jack Puffer at your service!
Employee: I think you are looking for these
~Puffer is directed to what are probably hash brownies. He buys a few and exits the store, happily. He bites into the moist dessert and smiles. He suddenly remembers why he’s there~
Jack Puffer: Welsh!
~He begins to show the photo of Welsh to people. Most of them ignore him…all with the same opinion of ‘stupid American’. Finally, he stumbles into a group of happy-go-lucky partiers~
Partier: Yes?
Jack Puffer: Have you seen this man! Welsh!
Partier: Welsh?
Jack Puffer: Yes, Welsh!
Partier: Of course! Follow me...I’ll show you where that is when we get back to my place.
Jack Puffer: Alright! Case almost closed!
~Puffer gets swept away by a group of hard partiers. We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: I wager a thousand dollars that Welsh isn’t where Puffer’s being led
Hood: So? At least the guy is having fun and isn’t stuck in FUCKING LOUISIANA
Smith: How does Jack Puffer get access to the company’s debit card…oh yea, that’s right…The Eastern European!
Hood: Meh, who knows, maybe he’ll get lucky.
Smith: I doubt it…anyway, we’ll check back in with Puffer later. For now…it’s time for what could be the greatest match in OCW history
Hood: Ugh…fuck me sideways
~We cut to the inside of the prison. The same guard who retrieved Chad is walking the cell row. He stops in front of a particular cell and looks down at his sheet. He calls out~
Guard: Bob Grenier…you’re up!
~We hear a mixed reaction take place outside the prison. Grenier extends his hands, cuffs are applied. The door opens and he’s led down the row. The prisoners all yell and cheer. Some says “END HER FUCKING CAREER!” Grenier nods and rotates his shoulders, we can tell he’s fired up~
Smith: Looks like it’s time for the Grudge Match between Bob Grenier and Alice Knight
Hood: Why isn’t this match inside that badass arena?
Smith: Probably because of the cage. I don’t think they could fit it in there.
Hood: So where the fuck is it taking place?
Smith: On the golf course!
Bird Cage Match
Alice Knight (7-1) vs. Bob Grenier (7-4)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the Grudge Match! This will be a Bird Cage Match…in order to win one of the participants must either escape or PIN their opponent.
~Belvedere’s voice booms through speakers set up near the cage. The fans in attendance go wild. We are shown a portion of the golf course. It’s probably the widest fairway of any hole. A giant apparatus covered with a white sheet is visible. Surrounding it are four sets of portable bleachers. Half are consumed by fans. The other half are surrounded by barbed wire fencing and filled with prisoners. They are already dueling against one another. It only gets worse when “Electrified” by Dressy Bessy hits!! The fans go wild…the prisoners grow irate, trying to break through the wired fencing to kill Alice, we can only guess~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Bethel, New York…standing 5’8 and weighing in at 125lbs…she is a former OCW Champion…Alice Knight!!!
~A side gate to the prison opens. A tiny RV drives in. A trail of smoke follows. It pulls up right outside of the bleachers. Alice Knight stumbles out of the RV wearing a NEW helmet. It’s an OWL themed helmet with a feathered Mohawk sprouting from the top. She parks near the prisoners…she jumps in front of the bleachers and poses. They boo the shit out of her. She frowns and scratches at her chin. She then figures it out~
Smith: Wrong fans, Alice!
Hood: Ugh, she’s the worst
~Alice turns around and heads over to the FAN section. They go crazy! They are wearing owl masks, they are chanting ‘OWL IS NIGHT!’ and Owlie the Owl is strutting around, starting HOOT chants. Alice gives a thumbs up and claps, she’s very excited. Her music stops playing and “Smart Went Crazy” by Atmosphere blasts through the speakers set up outside. An armored vehicle appears, it pulls up next to Alice’s miniature RV. The prisoners go crazy…chants of “BOB! BOB! BOB!” are heard~
Belvedere: And her opponent, from Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…Bob Grenier!!!
~The two back doors to the armored vehicle open up. Bob Grenier emerges, hands cuffed. He steps down. The prisoners jump up and down, nearly collapsing their bleachers. Bob is led to the Bird Cage. He stands on one side, nearest the prisoners…Alice stands nearest the fans. A chopper lowers and hooks itself to the top of the cloth covering the structure~
Smith: And we’re about to get our first look at the Bird Cage!
Hood: The things this company does to appease Alice Knight
Smith: I think this match could be a show stealer!
Hood: Ugh, show stealer…HATE that phrase
~The chopper lifts off and the cloth is removed! Both portions of the crowd cheer in unison. The Bird Cage is spectacular! It’s made of gold colored steel rods. It looks just like a regular birdcage…it’s got a super high ceiling. Probably two or three stories high. It’s as wide as a wrestling ring. It rounds off, at the top, like a Bird Cage. Inside the bottom is thin carpet with a hard, metal surface underneath…not much protection. There is a bird swing with a fake owl sitting atop it. The owl is the size of a person. There is also a container filled with water and fake bird food (separated, of course) off to the side. And, the last item of note would be the door…the only way in or out…it is made of glass. The bars are too close together for any person to squeeze through. The door is nearest Alice, so she steps in first to a strong ovation from her fans~
Smith: I don’t know how much we spent on that apparatus
Hood: Too much
Smith: As I was saying…I don’t know how much we spent on that apparatus…but whoever designed and built it did a great job. It’s like a human sized bird cage!
Hood: What the fuck is that owl doing in there…and why is there a food station with fake food and water for a fake bird? Like, what the fuck? Seriously?
~Alice is inside…Gruff slides in next, grumbling about having to ref this match. Grenier steps up. He enters and extends his hands. The cuffs are finally removed from his hands and feet…ankle cuffs were applied due to the elongated transport. The door is slammed shut. It is locked from the outside. Grenier looks down at the lock as we hear a bell sound~
Smith: Okay, so there’s a lock on the outside. It appears as though a person can reach around from the inside to release the lock, allowing the door to then open, granting them an escape and victory. Or, they can wait for an OCW employee…a gate keeper, I guess…to open it for them!
Hood: Ah, I see…so conveniently allowing the opponent enough time to recover and prevent the person from escaping!
Smith: Uh yes, perhaps
Hood: That is so going to happen
~Grenier is studying the lock, memorizing for future use. Something NAILS him in the back of the head. He’s not hurt. He isn’t stunned. He’s pissed. He slowly turns around, grinding his teeth. Alice lets out a loud HOOT. A piece of the fake owl food is lying at his feet. It’s basically a giant, brown, foam ball. Grenier kicks it away and charges at Alice~
Smith: And Bob has had enough! Much like the OCW Title Triple Threat back in February…he’s at his boiling point with Alice Knight
Hood: The hate runs deep in this one
Smith: Indeed.
Hood: Fucking Bob has earned everything in OCW. Alice? Every Monday might as well be her fucking birthday around here…gifts, gifts, gifts
~Alice takes off, running around the cage. Bob is in pursuit…they run around the cage a few times. The fans laugh and cheer the action. The prisoners grow silent with several ‘WTF’ looks on their faces. Finally, Bob starts to slow. Alice increases her lead. He slows even further. Alice’s lead grows to over half the circumference of the cage~
Smith: What is he doing?
Hood: Did he cramp up? That would be just my luck…Bob cramps up and loses
Smith: That would be unfortunate
Hood: Drink some of that water, Bob! You might be dehydrated
Smith: It is hot out here
~Alice’s lead continues to grow…finally, Bob spins around and charges in the opposite direction. Before Alice can react…he SPEARS right through her midsection, taking her down!! The prisoners go wild! Bob unleashes a flurry of punches into her protected head. After a while he stops, looking at his knuckles, they are red with irritation~
Smith: That’s not going to work, Bob. That helmet is built to take all kinds of punishment
Hood: What a smart move, though, right? Alice thought she was getting AWAY from Bob but, in reality, she was getting CLOSER to him
Smith: Hey, I never said Bob wasn’t a great strategist
Hood: Of course not, how could you? When would you find the time? You never say anything about others when Alice Knight is involved
~Bob works on the chin strap, knowing he needs to remove that helmet if he wants to do any extensive damage to Alice’s head. Alice kicks her leg up, into Grenier’s ass…he tumbles, head first, over Alice and lands just short of the water on his hands and knees. Alice sits up and spins around, spotting Grenier…she crawls over and tries to dunk his head into the water…he fights her off. She falls back and returns to her feet, as does Grenier…Bob turns around and raises his fist. Alice raises hers…the dueling crowd goes back and forth with cheers as the two are back where they started, a stale mate~
Smith: There isn’t going to be much room for maneuvering in that cage
Hood: Was Alice trying to give Grenier a bath?
Smith: I don’t think so…probably just trying to stun him
Hood: So she was trying to DROWN him? She was trying to MURDER Canada’s hero. She’s awful
Smith: We’ve heard that from you…several times
~Bob stalks Alice feeling confident he can beat her in a fist fight. Alice backs up against the cage, feeling trapped. Bob throws a right hand, Alice ducks…Bob’s hand misses the gold bars, flailing between two of them. His frame stumbles forward, into the side of the cage. Alice throws a kick into his lower back! Grenier arches his back, wincing in pain. He pulls his arm back into the cage and faces Alice. Alice throws an enziguri at the right side of Bob’s head…it connects!! Grenier’s left side slams into the side of the cage. It shakes…but remains sturdy~
Smith: The first impact absorbed by this bird cage and, well, I think it handled it well
Hood: Oh yea, it also helps we don’t have some fat fuck in there like Bifford
Smith: Indeed…Bob is looking to be in great condition, perhaps the fittest we’ve ever seen
Hood: Yea, I kinda miss ‘semi gut’ Bob Grenier. Get back on the drugs and alcohol, Bob!
~Alice grabs Grenier by his hair and yanks him forward. She delivers a head butt into Grenier’s forehead! The fans cringe as the prisoners seem confused. Alice flaps her arms…the fans begin to cheer. She head butts Grenier a second time!! Grenier staggers back, near the water. His heels graze against the edge. Alice head butts him a third time!! He leans back, but remains standing…while leaning back, the fans go ‘whoooaaa’! Some of the prisoners yell out “FUCKING CHEATER” in Alice’s direction. Alice holds up one finger as though she has an idea~
Smith: I have no idea why she’s head butting Grenier…that must be a really strong helmet
Hood: It was a RUSE…she faked a concussion so she could wear that helmet as an advantage against Bob
Smith: There is documentation…medical documentation PROVING her issues with concussions
Hood: Oh, sure, because that’s legit. Just like EVERY person who has ever picked up a bottle of prescription pills. Totally legit
~Alice leans back and DIVES forward with a HUGE head butt. There is a loud CRACK as the helmet drills into Bob’s head! We see a line forming at the top of Alice’s helmet. Bob’s body goes limp and he falls, backwards, into the pool of water!! It splashes out, over the sides, seeping into the thin carpet. Alice throws her hands into the air, triumphantly. She starts to wobble…she doesn’t look good…she looks like she’s getting sick. She falls to her knees and rolls onto her back with a far off look in her eyes~
Smith: Oh no! Alice, what have you done!
Hood: Okay, so maybe she suffered a concussion or two
Smith: She got so excited that she simply forgot to protect her head…dangit, Alice…it may be a strong helmet, but nothing is THAT strong. What a vicious head butt
Hood: Well, might as well remove it at this point
Smith: No way! What are you trying to do, get her killed?
Hood: ….
Smith: You are an AWFUL man
~Grenier rolls over in the water…he slips a few times, finding the apparatus holding the water and fake food slicker than expected. Crimson dye infects the crystal clear water…Bob looks over, we notice a crack in the middle of his forehead similar to the one splitting the top of Alice’s owl helmet. He’s dazed, possibly concussed…he crawls and squirms out of the water, onto the thin, black carpeting…once out of the water, he’s able to retain solid footing. Alice is still staring into the sky, possibly observing the gold metal bars that ascend high above, arching overhead, eventually connected to form a round ceiling. It’s a beautiful sight, perhaps…ruined by the angry hand of Grenier. He grabs Alice by the hair and yanks her to her feet~
Smith: I think Alice is worse off than Bob!
Hood: That or she’s mesmerized
Smith: Could be…let’s hope so, anyway
Hood: They do say simple minded people are mesmerized by shiny objects
Smith: She’s not an idiot!
~Bob reaches back, about to punch the shit out of Alice’s face. The Alice fans in attendance gasp in horror…he stops. He notices something. He smiles~
Smith: What is he smiling for?
Hood: Oh, I think I know
Smith: No…he wouldn’t…he…he can’t!
~A trail of blood slides down his forehead, over the bridge of his nose, dripping from the tip. Bob delivers a straight right hand into the crack in Alice’s helmet! He throws another and another and another…Alice falls back, into the golden bars. The crack has doubled in size. Bob dives in with both hands, digging into the crack, he tries to tear the helmet in half. He pulls outward as hard as he can…the helmet is really welded together. He yells out, the muscles in his back tense…Alice knees him in the groin! Bob’s hands fall from the helmet, he drops to his knees…Alice lifts a knee into Bob’s head, knocking him over onto his back. She leans against the gold bars, feeling around the hard plastic…her fingers explore the crack, it’s fairly wide and deep enough where part of her head is exposed. The feather Mohawk however, is still intact~
Smith: I figured the disgusting Bob Grenier might try and remove that helmet…thankfully Alice was able to stop him
Hood: If he gets one more shot at breaking that helmet in half, he’s gonna do it…the fucking thing is hanging by a thread!
Smith: It’s definitely damaged…she just needs for it to hold out a little longer…that’s all!
Hood: If there is a higher power and he believes in justice…let that helmet come off…please!
~Alice looks down at Bob and considers a pin fall attempt. Gruff stands back, cantankerously. Alice then goes for the door, figuring that’s her best chance. The Alice fans get excited…they start to fill the Louisiana air with a bunch of HOOTING. Alice reaches the door and slides her hand around and through the gold bars, grasping at the latch. It’s harder than it looks to open. She struggles with it, unable to find a competent grip. Grenier hears the hooting and instantly knows something terrible is happening. He gets up, still limping from the groin shot and rushes toward the door. He elbows Alice in the back of the neck! She stumbles into the glass. Bob flips her around and shoves her up against the glass…he palms her chin with his hand and starts to say, we can only guess, really mean things~
Smith: Bob Grenier is angry and, for what? All he’s done since returning is torture Alice Knight…he’s endangered her health, mocked her condition…he has NO RIGHT to be angry
Hood: Sure he does
Smith: Oh yea, on what grounds?
Hood: On the grounds that she’s ALICE KNIGHT. She’s made OWLING OUT a fucking living, breathing activity in OCW…it’s horrible
Smith: I like it! HOOT!
Hood: I will choke you to death. I swear on all that is spiritually relevant. I don’t give a fuck
~Bob unleashes a flurry of knees into her abdomen. Alice winces, doubling over. He drags her into the middle of the birdcage. He spots the fake food. Bob runs his fingers through his soaked hair and alters their positioning so Alice’s back is facing the ‘owl food’…he hooks Alice around the waist and lifts her up for a powerbomb…the feathers projecting from her helmet brush against Bob’s nose…he wiggles his nose…it tickles…he’s about to sneeze~
Smith: Is Bob allergic to something?
Hood: He’s not allergic to anything…it’s those fucking feathers!
Smith: Oh…how cute!
Hood: CUTE?!
~Bob’s grip loosens…Alice wiggles and gets her legs free…she hooks Bob’s head and rotates her hips…she drills Bob into the bottom of the bird cage with a Tornado DDT!! Bob’s head hits hard…his body flips over and lands back inside the owl’s drinking water!! The Alice fans “HOOT! HOOT!” Alice sits up, somewhat dazed. The prisoners are irate…yelling all kinds of obscenities…they are threatening to leave the bleachers…it’s a good thing their ankles are chained to their seats and barbed wire surrounds them~
Smith: Woohoo! Way to go Alice!
Hood: Why does she keep throwing Bob in the water…she’s seriously trying to drown him, isn’t she?
Smith: Collateral damage, Hood. Besides, in this weather, who wouldn’t want a nice, cool dip in the pool.
Hood: Because that’s a bastardized ABOVE GROUND POOL. A man like Bob Grenier should never be seen in an ABOVE GROUND POOL
~Alice gets to her feet…Bob is hanging out in the water, groggy. He looks like someone riding an inner tube. His legs and arms are hanging out while the rest of his body sags in the water. The back of his head rests against the plastic wall separating the water from the ‘food’. Alice grabs pieces of the food and throws them at Grenier. They bounce harmlessly against his head. The Alice fans laugh. The prisoners groan~
Smith: Haha, take that Bob!
Hood: Worst match ever
Smith: I’m rather enjoying it…way better than that disgusting display of violence we witnessed earlier
Hood: Are you kidding me? She’s throwing FAKE PET FOOD at Bob’s head
Smith: Ahhh…I know, she’s great!
~Alice continues throwing the ‘food’ at Bob. She holds one piece up to an incredibly split crowd. She’s about to throw it down when Bob suddenly MOVES…his arms reaches out, grabbing Alice by the ankle. Alice drops the ‘food’ item and tries to back away…but she can’t get free. Bob crawls out of the water, tightening his grip around her leg. She’s now hopping on one leg as Bob stands…she throws an enziguri at his head…Grenier ducks. Alice’s back is to him…he’s still got her leg…he sweeps the other, Alice falls face first into the hard floor of the cage. Bob grabs her other leg and has her in the wheel barrow position. He hoists her up…over his head…Bob then DRILLS Alice into the ground with an INVERTED ALABAMA SLAM!! The prisoners go wild, venting their frustrations “TAKE THAT YOU PSYCHO BITCH!” The Alice fans quietly whimper~
Smith: I guess Alice could have used her opportunity more wisely…that ‘food’ wasn’t very damaging
Hood: They were like NERF footballs…you ever been hit by a NERF football?
Smith: I wasn’t allowed outside as a child
Hood: Are you fucking serious?
Smith: I was allergic to grass
Hood: What a loser
~A drenched, angry Bob crawls on top of Alice and flips her over. He begins to rip the feathers out of her helmet, destroying the Mohawk. The Alice fans boo. Bob is shaking with rage. ‘FUCK THIS STUPID THING’ he yells. He reaches in as deep as he can with both hands, into the cavern created earlier and he pulls apart as hard as he can!! The helmet shakes…it shivers…it’s doing what it can to withstand the pressure…until, finally…it CRACKS open!!! The prisoners go wild!!! Bob rips it fully apart and off Alice’s head…he stands and holds the severed helmet high into the air…the prisoners chant “YES! YES! FUCK YES!” The Alice fans boo and appear concerned for her safety~
Smith: The helmet is off…NO!
Hood: About fucking time
Smith: Why would he do something like that? She could sustain a life threatening injury without cranial protection
Hood: She’s already some kind of retarded…I don’t think Bob can fuck her up much worse
Smith: YOU TAKE THAT BACK
~Bob takes the helmet remnants and squeezes them through the bars, depositing them outside the cage, out of anyone’s reach. Alice slowly rises to her feet…a hot, summer breeze rolls through the cage…her hair dances along with it. It feels weird. She reaches up…her helmet is gone. She becomes frantic, looking around for it. Grenier stands back, leaning against the cage, smiling~
Hood: Shit isn’t so funny now is it…huh…IS IT?
Smith: Have mercy, Bob…please, have mercy!
Hood: Who the fuck are you, Elvis? Shut your fucking mouth
~Grenier rises off the bars, standing up straight. He approaches Alice from behind…she continues to look around for her helmet. She finally spots it…or, well, what remains of it, outside the cage. Her eyes widen. The realization that her protection has been destroyed hits her like a ton of bricks. Bob stands behind her, laughing. She turns around…Bob raises his hands and he DRILLS her in the head with a double axe handle!!! Alice staggers, her back slamming into the golden bars~
Smith: Oh no! Stop it, Bob…stop this right now!
Hood: End her career, Bob…give us all what we want
Smith: It’s not what I want
Hood: I said us…you aren’t a part of us…you are a part of…them
~The camera cuts to the Alice fans. They are all wearing owl masks and #OWLISNIGHT shirts. Some are holding ant farms…others are feeding stray cats…most of them look dirty. Having made Hood’s point, we focus back on the match. Bob throws an elbow at Alice’s head…she ducks…for the first time all match Alice is getting serious. She hurries across the cage…standing underneath the giant swing with the human sized owl. She grabs two bars…one with each hand…she starts to climb~
Smith: Look at her go!
Hood: Da fuck…is she half monkey, like Curt?
Smith: I know she may get carried away with her shenanigans at times…but let’s not forget she is one heck of an athlete
Hood: I guess
~Bob shakes his head, continually colliding head on with frustration. He hurries over…he tries to grab Alice’s leg, but she’s too high. Alice then does some kind of spider monkey type move where she pushes off the bars and grabs the swing with her hands! Bob looks up, watching on…slightly impressed. Alice kicks her legs…the swing goes back and forth…she looks like a retarded gymnast. The owl falls off!! It lands near Bob…he kicks it away…Alice then pulls herself up, on top of the swing…she takes a seat, enjoying the ‘ride’~
Smith: That looks like fun
Hood: I’m about to quit, I fucking SWEAR
Smith: Relax
Hood: How can I relax? She’s on a fucking swing in the middle of a GRUDGE match
~Bob throws his hands at her…he’s done. He turns his back and looks for the door…Alice stands on the swing, displaying tremendous balance…she leaps off and wraps her legs around his head…she tosses Bob head over heels with an inverted hurricanrana!!! Bob’s body flies across the cage and it lands…you guessed it…INSIDE THE WATER. Alice pops to her feet! The fans are going wild with a bunch of HOOTS! She spots the fallen owl~
Smith: What a move! C’mon, Alice…win this darn thing!
Hood: These are dark days, Smith
Smith: Grab your buddy, Owlie 2…carry him out and let’s call it a day!
Hood: A lifeless owlie…I hope someone isn’t in there, at least
Smith: Nobody’s in there…it’s a giant stuffed animal, Hood. A symbol of the creatures Alice loves…the creatures Alice protects…she wouldn’t harm any animal…ESPECIALLY an owl.
~As soon as those words leave Smith’s mouth…Alice SAVAGELY rips the head off of Owlie 2!!! The Alice fans gasp. The prisoners laugh and a few say “She might be annoying as fuck, but that was cool.” Alice looks at the head…she digs both eyes out, creating holes. She then crams the Owl head over her own head! She flaps her arms to a resounding “HOOT!” from the Alice fans~
Smith: She’s found new headgear!
Hood: Am I the only person alive who sees this woman for what she truly is?
Smith: A loving, kind, giving person?
Hood: A selfish, destructive WHORE
Smith: HOW DARE YOU!
~Alice stumbles toward the door…the head is heavy and hard to see out of. She reaches the door and fiddles with the lock. Grenier sits up, in the water…he shakes his wet hair around. The prisoners yell at him to look…he sees a strange sight…a half Alice…half owl…an OWLIS trying to escape. He stands and stumbles. Alice gets the door open!! The Alice fans go wild! She raises her hand in triumph and bolts to exit…but the head is too big!! It SLAMS against the sides of the door…she staggers back, into the cage. Grenier hooks her around the waist and tosses her over his head with a Release German Suplex!! The owl head SLAMS into the cage floor with her body flipping over…her head POPS free as she tumbles toward the edge of the cage, seated up against the gold bars. Her hair is matted down with sweat, her face is puce from the heat. She gasps for air. The bird cage door is shut by Gruff~
Smith: Thankfully that owl head absorbed MOST of that move
Hood: Alice should fucking play the lotto, seriously. I hate her with a fury but she’s got the best fucking luck
Smith: I’ll be sure to pass that along
Hood: But not the American lotto…make her play the Canadian lotto or something…if there even is such a thing. I don’t want her taking millions of American dollars.
~Gruff is about to lock the door. Bob yells at him to stop and move. He heads for the door, ready to escape and get this shit over with. Alice stands and sprints toward Bob. Bob thinks she’s hurt a lot worse than she is. He’s standing in front of the door, about to open it…Alice flies through the air with IRISH KNOWLEDGE!! She KNEES Grenier in the back of the head…he flies, front first through the glass door!!! It shatters to pieces. Alice falls backward after the impact…she lands on her head, immediately grabbing for it. Bob’s legs…from the knees down remain in the cage. Gruff rushes over as the prisoners are going wild…the OWLIS fans are upset. Gruff observes the scene and makes a declaration~
Hood: YES! YES ! Bob Wins!
Smith: Hold on…Gruff is saying that Bob is…STILL IN THE CAGE
Hood: WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?
Smith: His ENITRE body has to be out…and, well, his knees are still inside…along with the rest of his legs from that point down
Hood: Fucking fine print bullshit…c’mon, Bob…get up! We need to give this man some Yak Piss…does anybody have a fresh bottle of YAK PISS?!
Smith: And how about that move? She’s been spending some time with CJ…an act I don’t necessarily approve of…but it seems as though it’s paid off
Hood: CJ does it better
~Both Alice and Bob are OUT. We see some blood stained pieces of grass under Bob’s face…the Canadian Goose is busted open. Alice’s eyes are shut…is she dead? Is she asleep? Why is she smiling? And is that an ant…holy shit, an ant is crawling across her face! Alice’s nose twitches. The ant runs over the bridge of the nose, toward her eye…the lid shivers. She starts to cough. The ant raises up, momentarily…almost in triumph…but it was probably the wind. It then scurries down her cheek, out of sight. Alice’s eyes slowly open…the crowd goes wild ‘OWL! IS! NIGHT!’ chants dominate…she sits up, holding her head~
Smith: Is this karma…nature style? She’s been so good to ants that they are giving back?
Hood: She already ruined one great man’s career with ants…let’s not make it two!
Smith: There is no shame in losing to Alice Knight
Hood: Are you fucking kidding me right now? It’s the most shameful thing that could befall a wrestler!
~Alice sees the portal toward victory…toward freedom…toward redemption…toward, well, you get the idea. She stumbles for the permanently opened doorway. Grenier’s body, face down, is in her way. She carefully tries to tiptoe around his frame. Bob starts to move…she pauses. Her legs are spread with Bob’s body in between. Bob performs a pushup. Alice is elevated, almost like she’s saddling Bob. Alice slides down Bob’s back…not really knowing what to do…she wraps her arms around his head, locking in a sleeper. Bob’s face is covered in blood. He feels around, grabbing at Alice’s arms. She locks the submission in…Grenier’s eyes widen…he’s snapping back into the situation~
Smith: I don’t think Alice knows what she’s doing
Hood: There’s a shock
Smith: She needs to think of something before Bob targets her head
Hood: Think? Good luck with that one! C’mon, Bob…waste this gypsy bitch!
~Bob snaps his head back…it hits Alice in the face!! Her hold around Bob’s neck loosens. She appears concussed again. Bob reaches back and grabs as much of Alice’s body as he can manage…he then pulls her forward…she’s light, so it’s not that tough a task…Bob gets Alice in the air and suddenly...she’s in position for Hollinger Park Hangman~
Smith: No!
Hood: Yes, he just yanked her off the ground, onto his shoulders!
Smith: That back head butt threw her off…darn that man…darn him…he’s going to ruin her!
Hood: She was ruined the day her drugged out whore of a mother slept through her appointment at the abortion clinic
Smith: GET OUT OF MY TOWER!
Hood: It’s our tower!
~Alice releases what useless version of the sleeper she was holding onto. Bob stumbles around…he’s preparing to drop Alice…she knees him in the head! She does it again and again…Bob’s base weakens…the Alice fans go wild, cheering her on…Alice is able to wiggle free…she starts to descend toward the floor of the cage…on her way down she grabs Bob’s head and drops him with The Apache onto the floor of the Birdcage!!! The crowd goes wild…or, well, half the crowd…the prisoners are disgusted~
Smith: The Apache! She turned the beginning of Hollinger Park Hangman into The Apache!
Hood: I’m fucking done…I swear…Schmalice Kite? Seriously? What a joke
Smith: It’s not over yet…I think the back of her head hit the floor…there’s not much cushion in that structure…
~Alice is, indeed, woozy from the fall. Completing the transition into the Apache meant her feet missed the ground due to the momentum…so her head was unprotected. She turns her head, looking at a bloodied Bob. She could try to pin him…but it’s been several seconds. She’s been in the business long enough to know what that means…so she starts to crawl toward the door~
Smith: C’mon, Alice!
Hood: Wake up, Bob! Wake up!
~Bob suddenly sits up…he gets to his feet and heads over, grabbing Alice by the legs. She turns onto her back, trying to kick him off. Bob doesn’t appear to be all there. He’s acting solely on instinct. He tries to pull Alice away from the door…she kicks him right beneath the chest…he gasps for air and lets go of her leg. She places both feet into his chest and shoves him as hard as she can! He flies backwards INTO THE POOL OF WATER!! Alice rolls over and scurries for the door…she makes a full and clean escape!! The Alice fans go crazy…the prisoners want to murder Alice with their bare hands. The bell sounds~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….ALICE KNIGHT!!!!!
Smith: She did it! I’m so happy
Hood: Fuck Alice Knight. Fuck Bird Cages and FUCK Water
Smith: She sure shut him up…for weeks he’s been belittling her…making fun of her…trying to erase the hard work she’s put in…good for you, Alice! Good for you!
Hood: I think OCW died a little bit with the ending of that match, Smith
Smith: OCW is alive and well!
~As Smith says that…a definitely concussed Alice is on her feet, flapping her arms all crooked like and hooting with her fans. Grenier sits up in the water…it’s red with his blood. He looks around, realizing what’s happened and kicks at the stupid Owl head that’s near his feet…he’s obviously very pissed off~
Smith: What a moment…could Alice be in line for another OCW Title opportunity
Hood: FUCK NO…let’s not take a bad situation and make it worse, alright?
Smith: I’d love to see her get another chance with the belt
Hood: Well that makes you an idiot
Smith: I disagree…well folks…we’re just three matches in with SIX more to go. We’ll be heading back to the arena momentarily…but first, a look at something very exciting that will begin in a few short weeks!
Smith: Wow...I can't wait...how do you think Mack is going to select the divisions?
Hood: Wisely
Smith: I've been given a 'preview' of the names already logged in for this event and, let me tell you...it's going to be off the chain
Hood: Off the chain? Geezus...just move along before you embarrass yourself further
Smith: You don't have to be so rude about it! It's time for our next match...let's find out which match that will be...
~We cut to prison row. The guard is making his way down the block of cells. It’s a new guard, young. The old guard must be on lunch break or something. He stops in front of a particular cell and reads the name aloud…his voice shakes~
Young Guard: PerZag?!?
~His cadence is all over the place. It’s as though he’s going through puberty. But, in reality, he’s just intimidated by the giant behemoths behind bars. PerZag’s giant frame approaches. The young guard shakes…he loses his composure, reaching for the keys~
Young Guard: One second, sir…hold on
~He finally locates the proper key and unlocks the cell door. Zag steps out, hands free. The guard, in his haste, made a dangerous error. Zag drills the guard with a right hand and takes off. We cut to Smith and Hood~
Smith: What the?
Hood: When did that happen?
Smith: I’m told about fifteen minutes ago…so…is he…will he…
Hood: Dude, I’m not a psychic…just spit it out
Smith: Wait one second…I’m told we have an update!
~We cut to the “OH SHIT” locker room. The door is kicked in, warped. Inside, five bodies are laid out, demolished. Areano, PKA, Spritz, Lockwood and…Russow. They are unconscious, marinated in blood. Several unrecognizable chairs are lying around. High impact blood spatter paints the walls. The Knife Man hurries in and nearly faints from the sight. Lukas and Josie are behind him…Lukas yells out and rushes toward Levi. Cap Slock looks on, shaking his head~
Cap Slock: THIS IS NOT GOOD
Smith: Who did this…who would assault these competitors minutes before the biggest match of their OCW careers?
Hood: Look at the fucking wall, man
~Our view pans up…written in blood is the message “UNWORTHY”~
~We cut to the OCW Arena. PerZag is standing in the ring, having found his way to the Arena without an escort. He holds up a chair…it’s got blood all over it. The prisoners are going wild…they are engaged in a dueling chant of “PER!” followed by “ZAG!” PerZag nods his head to the adulation he rarely receives~
Smith: Ugh, what a disgusting human being. And, to think, I cried when he won the OCW Title
Hood: YOU CRIED?
Smith: Well, not ON AIR…but later on, when I got back to my apartment. It was a hugely emotional moment
Hood: Man, you need to get out more
Oh Shit Contract
PerZag (8-3) vs. Josie Barnes (6-3) vs. Lukas Emery (3-0) vs. Ed Houston (1-0) vs. Nara Toshiro (1-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following contest is an In and Out Lumberjack Match and it is for the OCW Oh Shit Contract! The winner of the Oh Shit Contract will have the ability to cash that contract in for a match at a time of their choosing for any title EXCEPT the OCW Championship. Introducing first…from Benalla, Victoria, Australia…standing 6’5 and weighing in at 216lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…PerZag!!!
~”The Fighter” by In This Moment hits. The prisoners go ballistic with boos. They chant “FUCK THIS BITCH” as Josie Barnes steps out. She hesitates…the aura is almost too much to handle. Lukas steps out behind her, placing his arm over her shoulders. He slightly nuzzles her with his head and whispers words of encouragement. Josie nods…together, they step through the Plexiglas, squared tunnel and enter into the arena. Josie cautiously ascends the steps, entering through the ropes. Lukas remains on the outside. He yells up, “I’ll be right here!” He keeps his eyes on PerZag, eager to tear into him~
Belvedere: And, the individual who will start this match off against PerZag…from Lilly, Georgia…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 118lbs…Josie Barnes!!!
~Toshiro and Houston emerge from behind the curtain. They make their way through the squared, Plexiglas tunnel…each takes a side of the ring for their own~
Belvedere: And, acting as lumberjacks to start this match…Ed Houston…Lukas Emery…and Nara Toshiro!!
~The bell rings, Belvedere exits. The crowd spits and points at Josie shouting “SHE’S NOT WORTHY!”~
Smith: Loud and dangerous crowd we’ve got tonight. For those of you at home who may be unaware of how this match works…the three individuals who are acting as lumberjacks will get their shot in this match. Once PerZag or Josie is pinned…a lumberjack will become active. The order of entry was randomly selected earlier in the day.
Hood: I hope they all know how to adjust
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Well, like, let’s say Ed Houston drew number 8 or whatever…with half the field injured and eliminated from this match…I hope the guy just doesn’t stand around or whatever when his new number comes up
Smith: He works for NASA…I think he’ll be okay…I’m sure he’s better at math than you are
Hood: I don’t know man, ever seen that challenger video? Who says those fuckers are so smart?
Smith: I’m DONE with this topic
~Emery hears the crowd, but keeps his focus on the ring. He yells to Josie, “Just wrestle the match!” She’s timid…the crowd is uncontrollable. PerZag stares her down. His size advantage is startling. PerZag tosses the chair out of the ring, fearing DQ, and begins to stalk the fast rising OCW star~
Smith: Can Josie withstand this atmosphere…or is the crowd…her opponent going to defeat her before a punch is thrown?
Hood: I’m not sure…are you saying PerZag has developed mental powers?
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Is he going to, like knock her over with his mind?
Smith: No
~Barnes backs into a corner. Zag has her trapped…his imposing frame looks down…her entire body is consumed by his shadow. She cowers; folding up…protecting herself from what she assumes will come. The crowd is frenzied “WASTE THE BITCH” they are yelling…or that’s what it sounds like, anyway. PerZag reaches out…his hand appears big enough to engulf her entire head. He pats her on the back of the head and backs up…the crowd laughs. He reaches the center of the ring and motions for Josie to come at him~
Smith: Head games, Hood
Hood: I thought you said PerZag had no brain
Smith: I said he couldn’t knock her over with some super brain power
Hood: I’m pretty sure you said he was brainless
Smith: I would never say something like that!
~Barnes isn’t sure if this is a trap. Lukas slaps the mat with an encouraging beat. Houston and Toshiro just look on. They don’t have much invested up to this point. Josie swallows hard and just reacts…she sprints at PerZag, throwing a roundhouse kick up at the big man’s chin. Zag dodges the kick…he grabs Barnes from behind…he then dumps her over the top rope!! She lands into the dirt. Lukas rushes over, checking on his romantic interest. Houston and Toshiro approach from both sides, standing near the steps. Lukas pops to his feet, ready to fight. They choose not to get involved, backing away. Lukas helps Josie to her feet…she’s visibly shaken~
Smith: We’ve seen Josie Barnes come a long way in her OCW career…but to go from a regular match on Massacre to THIS…that’s quite the jump
Hood: Kind of like going from swimming with gold fish to great white sharks?
Smith: Not that drastic
Hood: You ever swam with a great white shark?
Smith: Absolutely not! Jaws 3 terrified me as a child
Hood: Shit scared me as well…those graphics were horrifying!
~Lukas gives her a quick pep talk on the outside. He mentions things like “he’s just a wrestler”, “you’ve done this a thousand times”, and “ignore the crowd, they can’t get to you, they are trapped in those stands.” Josie nods. She seems composed. Lukas gives her a hug and motions for her to get back into the ring. Zag is laughing…mocking the affection displayed on the outside. Barnes gets into the ring and he sticks his chin out, asking for Barnes to give him a kiss. For the first time all match, Barnes doesn’t look scared…she doesn’t look intimidated…she looks PISSED OFF~
Smith: I think Barnes has weathered the storm
Hood: Well at least until Mark Storm shows up!
Smith: That’s certainly not happening
Hood: I guess we’ll see
~Instead of a kiss…Josie throws a vicious SUPERKICK into PerZag’s face! The OCW Champion stumbles into a corner. Josie sprints in, lifting two knees under Zag’s chin!!! He staggers forward…she swiftly drops him with a DDT. He flips onto his back, stunned. Josie rushes to her feet and scurries toward the apron. Lukas is slapping the mat, cheering her on. Josie reaches the top…she looks down at Zag and leaps off with Figher’s End!! She hits it!!! The crowd is stunned! They are silent. Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~Barnes pops to her feet in celebration! She’s ecstatic she pinned the former OCW Champion. Zag rolls out of the ring, still dazed. He hits the ground on the outside. Houston and Toshiro surround him…they put the boots to Zag, angry over what he did to the rest of the competitors. Lukas joins them…the three men kick PerZag into the dirt much to the crowd’s dismay. Dust kicks up…it surrounds the trio. Once it clears and settles we see a former OCW Champion kicked into the dirt and three rising stars standing over him~
Belvedere: PerZag has been ELIMINATED. He will continue on as a lumberjack. The next active competitor is…ED HOUSTON!
~The crowd gives a positive response when Houston’s name is announced. It’s not as though they are HUGE Ed Houston fans. They have just adopted the ‘anybody but HER’ stance. Houston slides into the ring as the bell sounds~
Smith: Okay…Ed Houston….a newcomer OCW management thinks could fly high
Hood: Wow
Smith: What? They really do believe the skies the limit
Hood: Stop it, now!
Smith: I’m just saying his potential is sky high
~Houston goes right after Josie…the two lock up! Josie is back on her game! Ed uses his size advantage…a rarity for a man his size, to bully Barnes into a corner. Scruff calls for a break…Ed obliges. He whips Josie out of the corner…she sprints across the ring. He chases her down…she reaches the corner, stops and jumps over the incoming Houston. Houston steps up onto the middle buckle and turns around, drilling Barnes in the head with a Shining Wizard!!! Josie rolls out of the ring, holding her head in pain. She crawls toward a set of feet~
Smith: Shades of MJ Bell with that kick…this Ed Houston is one heck of an athlete
Hood: The hell is Josie doing? Is she about to suck another man’s dick?
Smith: Surely not! I think she’s just confused
Hood: What a slut!
~Josie suddenly realizes these aren’t Emery’s boots. She looks up and spots Toshiro looking down at her. Aggressively, he kicks her away. Lukas comes sprinting around the corner. He tackles Nara with a Lou Thesz press. The two begin to brawl in the dirt. Josie gets up, holding the side of her head. She rests against the apron for a second before moving to help Lukas…before she can get far, Ed reaches through the ropes and grabs her by the arm, yanking her onto the apron~
Smith: Josie’s protector to the rescue
Hood: He does realize in order to win this Josie has to get eliminated
Smith: They will cross that bridge when, if they get to it
Hood: Don’t fuck your career up over a woman, Lukas. Trust me…she’ll pin your ass without thinking twice to win that contract
~Josie’s back is to the ring. Houston reaches over, snaring her head under his arm…He lifts her up for a reverse suplex. Josie lands on her feet and hooks Houston around the waist…she shoves him into the ropes, he holds onto them for support…she bounces off and rolls backwards, over her head into a crouched position. Ed turns around and is gutted with a SPEAR!!! The back of his head hits the mat hard. Josie goes for a pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: Kick out by Ed Houston!! Josie nearly knocked out half the competitors by herself
Hood: That’s not saying much…only two people
Smith: Yes, unfortunately this match was looking far more robust until PERZAG happened
Hood: Meh, he just doesn’t like competing with unworthy wrestlers…I don’t blame him
Smith: Levi Russow? Jade Spritz? Those are HIGHLY skilled competitors…far from unworthy
Hood: I guess we’ll find out moving forward
~Josie doesn’t hesitate, she heads for the corner as Ed remains on his back. Lukas is on top of Nara punching him in the forehead. Nara starts to fire up…the punches seem to be filling him with energy and passion. Lukas throws an elbow…Nara reaches forward, grasping Lukas by the head…he HEAD BUTTS Emery right between the eyes!! Emery stands and staggers backward, falling on his ass. Nara stands and stalks Lukas. Meanwhile, Josie has reached the top…she looks down at Ed and jumps off with Fighter’s End!!! Right as she jumps off…Ed kips up!! He then SUPERKICKS Josie while she’s on her way down!!! Her head snaps back…she splats back first onto the mat, unconscious. The crowd goes wild with “ED!” chants. A NASA man, Ed Houston probably isn’t the biggest fan of criminals…but, hey, he’ll take all the support he can get. He drags Josie’s body into the center of the ring and motions toward the crowd. They respond with “FUCK HER UP!” Ed’s head snaps back, not used to hearing such vulgarity being spewed so enthusiastically that unanimously~
Smith: Aww, no!! Get up, Josie!
Hood: He FUCKED her up
Smith: Wow, you sound like you might need to sit with those heathens
Hood: It’d be better than being stuck in this shitty as tower way up here near the sun
Smith: Don’t be a queen…we aren’t THAT close to the sun
Hood: Call me a queen again and I will THROW you off this tower
~Houston leaps off the top rope…he lands on top of Josie with Blastoff (Shooting Star Press)!!! The ring shakes from impact. Ed hooks her leg as Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The crowd goes insane. Ed pops to his feet, full of energy. Josie is ushered out of the ring by Scruff. Nara is kicking Lukas in the chest, repeatedly. Emery’s chest is swollen and red. Belvedere grabs the mic~
Belvedere: Josie Barnes has been Eliminated! The next active participant is…NARA TOSHIRO!!!
~Nara stops kicking Lukas. Emery falls into the dirt, wasted from the barrage of knowledgeable kicks. Toshiro makes his way to the ring as Josie rolls out, falling to her knees. She can’t manage to stay upright and rolls onto her back, holding her head in pain. Toshiro steps onto the apron and into the ring. The bell sounds~
Smith: In a weird way…Josie may have just spared Lukas
Hood: Man Japanese guy was taking it to Lukas!
Smith: Seriously? He has a name
Hood: Robert Paulson?
Smith: NO! Nara Toshiro
Hood: Yea, I won’t remember that
~Houston stops celebrating…Toshiro’s all business. He reaches out to shake Nara’s hand. Nara, being a competitor, doesn’t shy away. He shakes Ed’s hand. The crowd BOOS and refers to the men as ‘PUSSY BITCHES’. Ed hops around, light on his feet…Nara maintains his stance, simply rotating whatever distance is needed to keep a fighting stance aimed in Ed’s direction~
Hood: Japanese guy is looking very focused!
Smith: Okay, I’m going to end this right now. For those of you, my clueless colleague included, who may not be aware…Nara Toshiro is the unmasked, former competitor we all knew as Itsumade!
Hood: Fucking ITSUMADE! Well, why didn’t you say so…let’s go ITSUMADE
Smith: How is that name easier?
Hood: Because it’s got some real words in there…like IT and MADE…I don’t know what the fuck SU means…but, hey, not every name is perfect
~Ed lunges forward, locking up with Toshiro. Nara immediately backs Ed against the ropes…he shoots Ed across the ring. Ed flies toward the ropes…Nara follows with a methodical pace. Ed leaps onto the middle rope and performs a springboard Moonsault!! Nara ducks and scurries forward…Ed lands on his feet and stumbles backward. Nara turns around and is met with a spinning heel kick from Houston!! Toshiro rolls out of the ring, looking to recover. He leans over the apron, holding his jaw. Lukas, meanwhile, is on the opposite side of the ring, holding his chest, kneeling next to a visibly shaken Josie~
Smith: I hope Josie is okay, she took a terrible shot to the face
Hood: Worst shot to the face I’ve seen since Deluxxx’s latest film!
Smith: That was NOT necessary
Hood: No kidding…guy could have stopped after…
Smith: I don’t want to hear anymore!
~Nara feels a presence. He turns…PerZag has risen and is stalking down the former Itsumade. Nara throws a few open handed shots into Zag’s rib cage. Zag staggers back, doubling over. Nara kicks Zag in the face!! Zag straights up and Toshiro runs through him with a boot to the face!!! Zag hits the ground…the fans booo, unhappy. Toshiro rolls back into the ring…Ed quickly goes to work, stomping on him before he can gain his footing~
Smith: This NOT a great night for PerZag
Hood: He’s struggling…that OCW Title fucked his career up…go figure
Smith: We’ve mentioned it in the past…but people seem to think the OCW Title is cursed
Hood: Don’t tell that to TIO or Meyhu!
~He yanks Nara up and whips him into the ropes…Nara bounces off and Ed throws a jumping back kick. Nara catches Ed…with the kick missing wide. Nara then deadlifts Ed over his head with a German Suplex!! Ed crashes hard on his head, grasping at his neck in pain. Nara sits up, staring at the mat~
Smith: Ed got caught!
Hood: Doing what?
Smith: You know what I mean
Hood: Was he hitting on Josie?
Smith: Absolutely not!
Hood: Oh, so you’re saying Josie’s ugly
Smith: No way!
Hood: Oh, so you’re saying you have a crush on Josie
Smith: Stop twisting my words!
~Nara reaches his feet…he yanks Ed up and delivers a flush knee into Ed’s guts. Ed bends over…Nara hoists Houston up and drops him quickly to the mat with a Brianbuster!! Houston sits up, out of instinct. Nara pops to his feet…he turns around and sprints into the ropes, he bounces off and nearly takes Ed’s head off with a Penalty Kick!!! Nara flips Ed over and instantly applies Devil’s Talons!!! The crowd rises as Ed’s eyes widen with pain…he swings his arms around, looking for the ropes…but he’s way too far away~
Smith: What a painful submission…a fish hooked crossface with body scissors…Ed’s mouth could be ripped open!
Hood: LITERALLY
Smith: Well, let’s hope not
Hood: How would that impact his NASA career?
Smith: I couldn’t tell you
~Ed has no choice. He taps. The crowd boos. Ed rolls out of the ring. Nara stands and backs into a corner. It’s no secret who the next and final competitor is~
Belvedere: Ed Houston has been Eliminated!! The final participant in the Oh Shit match is…Lukas Emery!!
~Emery checks on Josie. She tells him to get into the ring. He nods and hops onto the mat. He slows when he sees Nara staring him down. Calmly, carefully he enters into the ring. The bell sounds. Emery’s chest is still red and swollen from the kicks he received earlier on the outside~
Smith: Well…it’s down to these two men…Lukas Emery…one of the top young stars in OCW and Nara Toshiro…a former Ascension Champion
Hood: I’m going with Itsumade!
Smith: Will you at least try and learn his name?
Hood: I don’t know, maybe? Life is too short to speak Japanese
~Lukas feels the warmth building beneath the skin of his chest. He fires up. He sprints towards Toshiro…he leaps through the air…Nara catches Lukas and turns around, placing him on the top buckle. He yanks Emery’s head down, by the hair and hoists him onto his shoulders. Toshiro marches toward the middle of the ring and drops Emery with a Muscle Buster!!! Emery’s body shakes with shock as Nara sits up, remaining very calm~
Smith: Lukas was a bit impetuous there…it cost him
Hood: Yep…one bad move and he’s done
Smith: I know people weren’t talking about Toshiro heading in but…if someone did their homework and looked at this objectively, thoroughly…they’d have to say he was the favorite
Hood: Itsumade is the man!
~Nara sits Emery up, on his knees. Emery is still reeling from the Muscle Buster. Nara throws a swift kick into Emery’s chest. Lukas yells out in pain. Josie emerges, watching from outside the ring. Nara kicks Emery again…Josie strains her hair…it pains her to see Lukas take this kind of punishment. Nara kicks him again and again and again until Lukas finally collapses onto the mat. Nara goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick out!!!
Smith: Lukas kicked out! His chest may be bleeding internally….but he’s going to keep fighting
Hood: Itsumade can sure throw those kicks…I don’t remember him being so kicky back in the day
Smith: Kicky?
Hood: What would you call it?
Smith: Versatile striker
Hood: I’ll stick with kicky
~Barnes yells for Lukas to get up. Nara does the work for him…peeling Lukas off the mat and shoving him into a corner. We see Ed’s face pop up. The sides of his mouth are red and irritated. There is a portion on the left side that is bleeding, partially split. He leans against the apron, keeping an eye on the action. Josie’s mannerisms and shouting keep distracting Ed…he winds up watching her as much as the match. Nara has Lukas in the corner…he shows the side of his hand to the crowd…they cheer…because they love unnecessary violence. Nara screams forward with a VICIOUS knife edged chop against Emery’s chest!! Lukas grabs at his chest and stumbles forward, falling to one knee. He gets up and staggers into another corner~
Smith: Nara is tearing Emery’s chest apart!
Hood: I don’t remember Itsumade being so fucking brutal! Look at Ed’s mouth!
Smith: He does what he must to win, Hood
Hood: I mean, unless Ed was sucking on a pinecone…I’d say that cut was given to him by Itsumade’s finisher…the Devil’s Talon or whatever
~Nara consumes the mat with his stride, reaching Lukas quicker than you’d expect. He straightens Lukas up…shows the side of the hand. The crowd goes wild…thirsty for blood. We zoom in on Emery’s chest…it’s red…it’s starting to bleed. Nara puts everything he’s got behind this chop…it SLASHES across Emery’s chest!! Lukas falls to his knees, holding his chest in pain. Josie jumps onto the apron, yelling at Nara. Scruff heads over to calm her down. Nara becomes distracted~
Hood: Get that raving bitch off the apron!
Smith: She’s just concerned over Lukas’ well-being!
Hood: This isn’t Sunday night bingo, Smith
Smith: Oh, I wish it was
Hood: I can’t look at you right now
Smith: Am I that odious?
Hood: No, the sun is shining in that direction
~A few droplets of blood hit the mat. Lukas notices Nara turning and facing Josie. He crawls forward and takes Nara’s knee out!! Nara falls to the mat, holding his left leg. Josie gasps, holding her mouth. She hops off the apron. Ed shakes his head, glaring at Josie~
Smith: Poor Josie…I think she’s shocked by the result of her actions
Hood: POOR Josie…how about poor Itsumade?? She just fucked his knee up
Smith: Well, to be fair, Lukas did that
Hood: Hey, I’m not blaming Lukas…dude is just doing what he’s gotta do
~Lukas hurries to his feet…he grabs the wounded leg of Nara. Toshiro reaches for his knee out of protective instinct. Lukas grabs Nara’s other, unprotected leg…he then manipulates the legs in a tangled fashion. He hooks his leg in with Nara’s and turns around…his back is facing Nara’s front. Lukas then turns around a second time, flipping Nara over in the process…he reaches across Nara’s body and locks his hands under Nara’s chin…he pulls back applying pressure to Nara’s neck, back and legs! It’s the Red Ink submission!! Nara reaches for the ropes…he’s not THAT far…but the ropes are still beyond reach~
Smith: Lukas calls that Cheshire Grin!
Hood: Complicated shit…I wonder if Itsumade knows how to apply that submission
Smith: I’m sure NARA TOSHIRO has applied it before
Hood: Hmm, okay…but…can he escape it?
Smith: We’ll see…
~Josie is cheering hard for Lukas. Ed seems to be pulling for Nara. Nara inches his way near the ropes. Lukas can’t really stop him, his leg is tied up in Nara’s. Nara stops. Scruff asks if he wants to give it up. Nara’s arm shakes…he’s about to tap…he raises his hand up high and is about to bring it down…but he stops!! He shakes his head and yells “NOOOO!!” He musters up all his energy and squirms toward the ropes, snaring the bottom one!! Lukas releases his grip and falls to the side, Nara rests against the ropes, trying to assuage the pain shooting through his entire body~
Smith: Nara reached the ropes! He’s still in this…what a devastating blow to Lukas!
Hood: I don’t know who you’re talking about…but how about the toughness of Itsumade! Fucker really fought through that Cheshire’s Shin submission!
Smith: Cheshire Grin!
Hood: Potato – poetahtoe!
~Emery runs his hand along his chest, smearing some of the blood sideways. His chest is extremely irritated…but, that pain will come later. He stands, going back after Nara. He pulls Toshiro to his feet…Toshiro is facing the ropes. Toshiro throws a mule kick into Emery’s leg. He hooks Emery’s head for a stunner…he then hops onto the middle rope and goes for what looks like Sliced Bread #2…instead of going all the way, though…he lets go of Emery’s head and lands behind him. He hops on Emery’s back and wraps his legs around Emery’s upper body. Lukas twists his head side to side wildly…he knows what this leads to~
Smith: Wow! What a move by Nara…he’s about to lock Lukas in Devil’s Talons!
Hood: Itsumade the high flyer!
Smith: Toshiro is an athlete, yes
~Toshiro fish hooks Lukas’ face!! Ed cringes from ringside…he knows all too well what that feels like. Emery drops to one knee…then two…he then falls to the mat allowing Nara to fully lock Devil’s Talons in!!! He cinches back and Emery’s mouth is pulled WIDE open. Josie’s eyes fill with fear…she rushes over, eye level to Lukas…she pleads with Lukas to break free. He’s trying but Nara is too adept at applying holds…especially this one~
Smith: What a turn of events…Nara is as good as ever…he’s gonna win this!
Hood: Fucking Itsumade…see what happens when you take the mask off?
Smith: You know he never got the chance to cash in his contract from 2014?
Hood: Haha…CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
~Emery is deriving energy from the sight of Josie. So…Nara loosens the hold slightly and is able to turn their positioning 180 degrees…their backs are now facing Josie and they are much farther from the ropes. Josie pulls at her hair, frantic. There is NO WAY Lukas can escape this. She also knows he won’t tap…so she’s anticipating his mouth being ripped wide open. Ed, meanwhile, keeps a careful eye on the frenetic Josie Barnes~
Smith: He’s got to tap
Hood: No shit, otherwise he’s gonna look like the joker
Smith: That would be terrible
Hood: The good news is Josie would probably dump him…then, hey, maybe you’d have a shot!
Smith: Stop it
~Josie hops on the apron. Emery just won’t give up. A little blood drops from his chin. She fights with the ropes, trying to get into the ring. Ed hustles over to stop her. She reaches for and grabs Nara’s hair, yanking back. Ed pulls on Josie’s feet, she falls off and her face SMACKS against the apron. The crowd goes wild with “ED!” chants. He pauses, looking down at Josie…that wasn’t what he wanted to do. Meanwhile, Nara has lost his grip…Emery wiggles free, rolls over and locks in an Anaconda Vice!! Nara tries to fight out of it…but Emery has it locked tightly~
Smith: I can’t believe what I’m seeing
Hood: I keep telling you…women ruin EVERYTHING
Smith: Lukas escaped Devil’s Talons
Hood: Oh please, let’s not act like he did that all on his own
~It becomes clear what Emery’s true intentions are. He’s not looking to submit Nara with the Anaconda Vice. He rises to his feet and repositions Nara. The fatigued, in pain Nara looks across the ring with the top of his head pointed at the mat. He sees Ed standing where Josie was. Emery then DROPS Nara with Light of Emery!!! He makes the quick cover as Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…and the NEW OH SHIT CONTRACT HOLDER…LUKAS EMERY!!!!!
Smith: Lukas did it! This kid is for real!
Hood: Wow, the bullshit narrative you’re pushing…unbelievable
Smith: You can’t blame Josie…that’s her man in there…he was getting ripped apart
Hood: What about poor Ed fucking Houston? Nara is going to rip his head off
Smith: Well, perhaps they can reach an understanding over a cup of tea
Hood: Haha, yea, because men with finishers that attempt to rip their opponent’s faces off are TOTALLY reasonable
~Lukas spots the down, unconscious Josie. He looks at Ed. He hops out of the ring, expressing his anger in Ed’s direction. Ed throws his hands at Lukas and exits the arena, frustrated with how things went down. Nara has an ice pack placed under his neck, to cool him down. Lukas picks Josie up…he holds her in his arms and carries her away from the ravenous crowd. PerZag is also being tended to~
Smith: So Lukas Emery now has the ability to challenge any champion at any time…aside from the future OCW Champion
Hood: Hell of a prize…look at Damian K’…guy is a future star…and it all began by winning this match
Smith: Indeed…what a match…what a night and still so much left to go!! Let’s cut to a commercial for OCW Survivor!
Smith: That was a GREAT episode last week…even if it did create some controversy and headaches for management
Hood: Hey, it wouldn’t be a hit show without controversy
Smith: Indeed!
Hood: So…what have we got next…we’ve got to be getting into the title matches, right?
Smith: I believe so…
~It’s time yet again to visit Prison Row! Four guards are making their way across the cells. The young guard is gone, probably fired. The sweat on one of the guard’s forehead gives away the nerves he’s feeling inside. They stop…the lead guard looks down at the sheet of paper in front of him~
Guard: The Incredible One…Matt Meyhu…Aptitude…you two are up!
~A pair of hands extend through the rectangular hole. A second pair extend a few cells down…despite being partners, these two have been kept away from one another. Cuffs are applied to both individuals. One cell opens first. TIO emerges with the OCW Tag Title around his waist. He’s lead down Prison Row. The guard then signals toward Meyhu’s cell. It opens and Meyhu steps out with the Tag and Savage titles around his waist. He’s led several yards behind TIO down prison row as the Tag Team Champions are preparing for their defense. We cut back to the Rodeo Arena~
Smith: Here we go, Hood. The return we’ve all been waiting for…the return of Perfectly Marvelous!
Hood: Do you think these prisoners are going to shit all over them like they have all the other ‘popular’ wrestlers?
Smith: I would hope not…after everything these two have accomplished, I’d think they’ve earned the respect of everyone…even convicted murderers!
Hood: That includes Bifford!
Smith: Well, that’s a complicated history I dare not go into.
~Aptitude! Aptitude! Aptitude! The chant fills the Louisiana air. The prisoners are as excited as they’ve been all afternoon. Their heroes, The Aptitude, are on the cusp of defeating greatness. The chants grow in tenor and cadence. It seems nothing will slow them down until…~
~ a BLAST of red and blue pyro from all around the top of the Rodeo Arena shoots into the air! The crowd OUTSIDE the pen goes wild. The crowd inside looks up in awe…they haven’t seen fireworks in years~
~“Invincible” by OK Go blares over the arena speakers. The prisoners boo when they realize what’s happening. Paras and Maurako step out from behind the curtain. Maurako shakes his head at the ignorance of the crowd. Paras studies their behavior and finds it unique but CLASSIC OCW nonetheless. They exit the squared tunnel and stand atop the dirt. The fans continue to boo…one fan, in particular, is especially hate filled in the face of their presence. He has his nose up against the Plexiglas and is yelling “FUCK YOU FUCKERS! BIG BIFFORD ALL THE WAY! BEST CHAMP EVER! BEST HALL OF FAMER EVER…WAY BETTER THAN YOU TWO FAGGOTS!” Paras and Maurako are observing his behavior, calmly~
Smith: Oh my…sorry for the language everybody…these, umm, fans can get carried away at times.
Hood: Big Bifford was a badass…too bad he escaped from prison…he might have been in attendance for this!
Smith: Nope, instead he’s chasing Dangerous Dan around the world with murderous intent
Hood: Haha, good old Bifford!
~Paras and Maurako share a look. As always, they are on the same page. They head toward the fan. Maurako kneels and turns his hands into a ‘step’…Paras steps up and reaches for the top of the Plexiglas. He pulls up and reaches over, grabbing the Bifford fan/prisoner by the hair. Displaying tremendous strength, he dead lifts the guy up and over the Plexiglas, tossing him to the dirt. The prisoner THUDS into the ground and gasps for air. Paras hops down, landing safely. Maurako stands and turns, staring at the fan…Paras rises behind him, focusing his attention onto the unruly prisoner as well. The crowd is still booing them, but not nearly as aggressive~
Smith: For those of you concerned at home…let me just relay this information…that ‘fan’ is a man by the name of Cliff Cipola!
Hood: So?
Smith: I’m not finished…he’s in here for murder, arson and, worst of all, being a Bifford fan
Hood: That’s a hefty list
~Maurako moves for Cipola. He pulls him up and lifts the man into the jackknife position. Paras runs for the ring…he hops onto the apron and jumps onto the middle rope…he springs off and KNEES the poor schmuck in the face!! The prisoner falls to the ground. Dust kicks up…Paras lands on one knee and plants his fist into the ground. He slowly rises as Maurako looks down at the victim of their devastating finisher. The crowd of prisoners go silent. It’s eerie…the dust begins to clear, revealing to all in attendance the severity of their actions. A broken man lies at their feet~
Smith: These fans are liable to get angry…they’ve just demolished one of their fellow inmates!
Hood: We might have just set a record for the quietest prison crowd ever!
Smith: Perhaps
~Suddenly, as if cued by the OCWtron…they place ERUPTS with cheers. They have been converted…the prisoners adore PM! “PM!” chants fill the arena. Maurako and Paras head into the ring…they are now ready for action~
Smith: I guess that makes sense…appeal to these fans in the one manner they understand
Hood: Surely they aren’t going to RAPE that guy
Smith: I’m talking about violence
Hood: Oh, whew, okay
~The chants for PM continue to pour down. They are eager, fresh and ready. “Run This Town” by Jay Z, Kanye West, and Rihanna begins to play. The crowd stops the PM chants. A slow, heavy “AP-TI-TUDE” chant fills the arena. Maurako and Paras nod to it as if to say “Alright, no big deal.” An armored vehicle drives in from behind the curtain. It approaches the ring. It comes to a stop. We then hear a loud ‘BEEP, BEEP’. It isn’t coming from the vehicle…it’s coming from above. Paras and Maurako look up…a detached prison cell is being lowered by a giant crane. Slowly, it’s dropped to the dirt, several feet away from ringside. A few OCW officials climb on top and release the hook. The crane lifts back up, out of sight. They hop off the roof and inspect everything. The door is shut and one man looks at his watch with a timer set. While he watches a countdown, the two back doors to the armored vehicle open~
Smith: Here we go, Hood! The match some people think could surpass the main event in terms of pageantry, competition and, well, altering the overall landscape of OCW!
Hood: Fuck yes…you’ve got the past against the present…you don’t get to see these matches all that often
Smith: Two of the greatest tag teams in OCW history
Hood: No fucking doubt
~Meyhu emerges first. His feet hit the ground and he’s led up the steps by a guard. TIO is next…he follows in Meyhu’s footsteps…both men are now in the ring with their hands and ankles cuffed. The crowd continues to chant Aptitude. Belvedere clears his throat, quieting them down~
Prison Cell Match
The Aptitude © (2-0) vs. Perfectly Marvelous (0-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen…the following match is a Prison Cell Match! And it is for the OCW Tag Team Championships!! If a competitor or competitors are locked inside that cell, they must remain INSIDE the cell for two minutes. The first team to score a pin fall OR submission wins. Introducing first…the challengers…at a total combined weight of 515lbs…they are former OCW Tag Team Champions…they have held pretty much every title in OCW history…they are both two time OCW Hall of Famers…everybody please welcome back to OCW….PERFECTLY MARVELOUS!!!
~The prisoners can’t help it…they lose their shit. It’s PM! They are back in OCW! What an unbelievable sight. Both Maurako and Paras keep their attention focused on what’s important…Meyhu and TIO. TIO half smiles, enjoying the moment. Meyhu is unmoved, when he looks at PM he merely sees two old men standing in his way~
Belvedere: And their opponents…at a total combined weight of 475lbs…they own almost every title in OCW….they are the current reigning and defending OCW Tag Team Champions….they are….THE APTITUDE!!!
~The chants again shift to the Aptitude as they are heavily favored in the ‘prisoner’ demographic. Belvedere removes TIO and Meyhu’s belts…he struggles but manages to exit the ring with three belts in his arms. Meyhu and TIO have their cuffs removed. The guards exit the ring. We hear a click…the two minutes are up and the gate unlocks itself. The OCW official timing the device gives someone a ‘thumb up’ and hurries out of sight. The bell sounds…the arena erupts with cheers…cheers are heard from outside the prison…the entire state of Louisiana seems to be on their feet. This is one of the greatest moments in OCW history~
Smith: Can you feel it? I’ve got goosebumps, Hood!
Hood: Hated those books as a kid
Smith: When you talk about Tag Team wrestling in OCW…the list begins with Perfectly Marvelous…they are, undoubtedly the greatest team in OCW.
Hood: Sure, I’ll buy that
Smith: The Aptitude have placed themselves into the conversation, in my opinion. They are as dominant as any team in OCW.
Hood: Yea…I’d put them probably fourth…Sex and Violence are obviously number two
Smith: Obviously…Parker and Kelley were as good a team as this business has ever seen
Hood: And, well, Awe.Some would be third, in my opinion
Smith: Yea, absolutely…and then Aptitude fourth?
Hood: Yep…with Extremely Dangerous a narrow fifth
Smith: Can’t argue with that list…some great names and given that PM has returned…perhaps, in the future we can see more legendary match ups with Awe.Some, Extremely Dangerous, and Sex and Violence involved!
Hood: I never thought I’d see Paras back in an OCW ring so, well, I guess anything can happen
Smith: Indeed!
~The four men approach each other, squaring off in the center of the ring. Scruff leans back against the ropes nodding his head with a look on his face that says, “cool”. Meyhu is standing in front of Maurako…Paras in front of TIO. Meyhu is the first to openly talk shit. TIO backs him up. Paras retorts with something calmly insightful. Maurako is the only one remaining silent…his eyes, however, won’t shut up…they are hurling insults toward TIO~
Smith: I think Mario may explode
Hood: He looks fucking pissed…
Smith: Indeed…that Italian temper is about to overflow
~Mario suddenly reaches forward and pie faces TIO! Meyhu and Paras are both taken back by the action. Mario rushes forward and begins to pummel TIO in the head with overreaching, clubbing right fists. TIO staggers into a corner as the crowd goes wild. Mario drills him again and again and again and again in the head. TIO’s black hair flails around…the once pristine ponytail is all disheveled and in danger of being vanquished. Meyhu shrugs and looks at Paras…the two begin to duke it out in the center of the ring. It’s an all-out brawl much to the delight of the blood thirsty prisoners in attendance~
Smith: And war has broken out here in Angola! These four men couldn’t contain themselves any longer!
Hood: I don’t blame Aptitude…they’ve been locked up all fucking day for some unknown reason. PM…well, it appears you can just call Maurako PM…S!
Smith: Not your best
Hood: Yes, I know. It’s fucking hot out here, get off me
~Meyhu has Paras reeling against the ropes. He drills him with a right hand…Paras tips over the top rope, nearly going over…but he’s able to hold on and return to the canvas, landing on his feet. Meyhu, frustrated, backs up and charges forward with a clothesline…Paras ducks and lifts Meyhu over the top rope onto the dirt!! Meyhu lands on his legs and falls over, onto his side! TIO is slouched in the corner…Maurako lifts him up and places his former stablemate on the top turnbuckle. He then climbs to the second rope and drills TIO with a right haymaker! TIO falls off the top, SLAMS into the apron, ricochets off and hits the dirt with a thud! Paras, while breathing heavily stands upright. Maurako hops off the buckle and heads for the center of the ring…Paras meets him there…the two legends look around the cleared ring and nod with approval as the fans chant “PM! PM!”~
Smith: They have cleaned house! There’s no ring rust surrounding those two!
Hood: Nope, they came ready to fight…but are we really shocked? Did anybody think Maurako and Paras would accept this match and NOT show up fully prepared?
Smith: Excellent point, they aren’t two time OCW Hall of Famers due to luck. It took skill, preparation, and dedication to accomplish the stellar resumes their names proudly display.
Hood: But, having said that…they’d better wake the fuck up and stay on top of TIO and Meyhu…those two aren’t headlining tonight’s show due to luck, either
Smith: Nope, they are very much the best OCW has to offer at this point in time
~PM splits and slides out of the ring. Paras snares a stirring Meyhu by the hair, pulling him to his feet. On the other side of the ring, TIO is seated against the steel steps, looking quite bedraggled. He looks up and spots Maurako and holds his hands up, an act of mercy. Maurako has none. He swings a kick forward, right into TIO’s chest!! TIO coughs and falls to the side, half under the blanket hanging from the apron. On the other side, Paras is delivering several quick palm strikes to the side of Meyhu’s face. Meyhu backs up against the apron. Paras tosses a mule kick into his gut! Meyhu bends over…Paras lifts a knee…Meyhu sways back, his bottom sliding up onto the apron…Paras grabs Meyhu’s legs and yanks him off the apron…the back of Meyhu’s head and shoulders hit the dirt. Paras starts to swing Meyhu but, before making a full rotation he SLAMS Meyhu’s body into the apron!! Paras lets go and Meyhu hits the ground wincing in pain~
Smith: So far this has been a showcase of PM’s skills – a reminder to fans of who they are and why they are so highly regarded.
Hood: No shit…fucking TIO and Meyhu are going to be the walking dead by the main event if this keeps up
Smith: Indeed…this does not bode well for either man. Although, I guess it is fortuitous that they are BOTH competing in this match…keeps either man from obtaining an unfair advantage
Hood: I guess…where is CJ? Why isn’t he in this match?
Smith: He had his legendary challenge!
~Paras pulls Meyhu to his feet and drags him around the steps to the back of the ring (from our view). The prison cell is located there. Maurako emerges with TIO…it’s obvious the two legends have the same idea. They meet in front of the cell and look at one another…they look at their opponents and have to make a quick decision. Maurako throws rock, Paras throws paper…Maurako snaps his fingers in frustration. Paras slings Meyhu into the cell…Meyhu grabs both sides of the cell with his hands, blocking full entry. Paras slams a few forearms into Meyhu’s back, weakening his grip. Meyhu, getting a sense of where Paras is located do to the forearms, throws a back kick…it nails Paras right in the gut! Paras staggers, doubling over. Meyhu pushes his body away from the cell…he turns around and in one fluid motion lifts a knee into Paul’s face, knocking the Perfect One into the dirt!! The crowd gives Meyhu a strong reaction. Maurako looks down at his fallen partner and goes after Meyhu~
Smith: Meyhu knew if he got locked in that cage this match would be OVER
Hood: Well, it’s only two minutes…I think TIO could last two minutes of double teaming
Smith: Against certain teams perhaps…but against Perfectly Marvelous? Doubtful
Hood: Part of me does think Meyhu should just sit in the cell and shut the door…I mean I dig the Tag Titles as much as the next guy…but the OCW Title is and always has been the top prize in this company
Smith: Meyhu is a collector…he collects achievements, championships, accolades…there’s no way he’d forfeit any title
~Maurako hooks Meyhu in a Full Nelson! Meyhu tries to fight out of it…Maurako has it locked in! He shakes Meyhu around. The crowd is going wild, experiencing flashbacks to Maurako’s previous runs when La Omerta won Finisher of the Month. A hand suddenly appears out of nowhere, delivering a LOW BLOW between Maurako’s legs!! Mario releases Meyhu, falling to his knees. Meyhu stumbles forward, grabbing at his shoulders in pain. TIO rises behind Maurako…he takes a few steps back and then runs forward kicking Mario in the back of the head!! Mario’s head jolts, violently forward…he falls, face down into the dirt…both members of PM are now laying in the dirt~
Smith: What a drastic turn of events! The Aptitude were being dealt with early on but now…now they have flipped the script
Hood: Flipped the script…where did that saying come from? Do people really read scripts…hate what they are reading and then flip the damn thing over?
Smith: I don’t know, Hood. It’s just a saying…an idiom…no need to do any…put your phone away! No Googling during Stainless Steel Ride!
Hood: Fuck…we’ve got, like, no reception out here. Louisiana sucks
~Meyhu looks to be recovered from his brief encounter with La Omerta. He stomps on Maurako, angrily. TIO spots Paras rising to his feet. He charges in and kicks Paras in the side of the head, knocking him back over! The Aptitude are in total control, stomping and kicking on the bodies of Maurako and Paras. Dust fills the atmosphere due to all the outside friction~
Smith: Could age and ring rust be impacting PM’s performance?
Hood: It could be that…or it could be the fact that The Aptitude is un-fucking-beatable!
Smith: If Perfectly Marvelous can’t dethrone The Aptitude – who can?
Hood: A Malaysian Army?
Smith: What?!
~A bunch of light brown dust particles float around, clouding our picture. Meyhu and TIO stop their onslaught of kicks. TIO runs his right hand over his hair, putting a few loose strands back into place. He looks over at Meyhu who has disdain all over his face while staring at Maurako. He throws another well placed kick into Maurako’s ribs. Meyhu feels TIO looking his way…he motions for TIO to meet him near the cell~
Smith: We haven’t seen these two together since last Monday when Meyhu laid TIO out after his Process of Elimination loss…this is the first time in this match where they have the opportunity to work together
Hood: I heard Better Call Saul was great last week, maybe Meyhu just wants to ask TIO if he saw it
Smith: I don’t think so, Hood
Hood: Well PM is pretty beat up…so they should be able to come up with something to end this thing right now
Smith: It would be a shame for this match to end without one Prison Cell spot
Hood: Tough shit – that’s life’s motto, ya know
~They meet in front of the cell. Meyhu speaks with great remorse. His movements, his facial expressions seem to indicate he’s trying to move past what happened last Monday. TIO doesn’t appear to be buying it. He stops Meyhu from speaking and says, “Let’s just finish this and deal with our issues later.” TIO turns his back on Meyhu…Meyhu smiles…he grabs TIO by the hair and THROWS him into the cell. He slams the door shut…it locks…the two minute timer appears on the big screen. The crowd goes wild, digging betrayal~
Smith: What is he doing? Has Meyhu lost his mind?!
Hood: He wants to win this by himself! He wants to prove he’s the greatest member of The Aptitude…he’s gonna carry the team to victory!
Smith: What an egomaniac!
Hood: No, no…what a MARVEL
~Meyhu smiles at an enraged TIO. TIO presses his face against the bars…it looks JUST LIKE THE POSTER. Meyhu does a faux pas frown…he lifts up to fingers and jams them into TIO’s eyes!! TIO staggers back, reaching for his face in pain. Meyhu turns around and goes back after PM. Paras is on his feet, leaning against the apron. Maurako is on all fours. Meyhu charges in and kicks Mario in the ribs, knocking him onto his back. He then knees Paras in the gut and tosses Paras back into the ring, under the rope~
Smith: Can he do it? Can Matt Meyhu win this on his own?
Hood: Of course he can…he’s the Marvel! He beat boot camp!
Smith: What on Earth are you talking about?
Hood: He enlisted…went to boot camp and dominated, made it look like a kid’s playground. So they discharged him...
Smith: Why would they discharge someone that good?
Hood: There’s a special clause in the army. If you beat boot camp then you are discharged…it’s like a get out of jail free card!
Smith: I don’t believe that at all
~Back in the ring, Meyhu yanks Paras up and hooks him for the Ego Trip!! Paras elbows Meyhu in the side of the head. Meyhu’s grip remains strong. Paras, feeling a sense of urgency, measures the next elbow…he hits Meyhu right in the temple!! Meyhu’s knees go weak. His grip loosens, he nearly falls over. Paras breaks free…he picks Meyhu up, spins around and drills him into the mat with a Spinebuster!!! The crowd gets firmly behind Paras after the move, cheering loudly. Maurako rolls into the ring, slowly~
Smith: The plan…Meyhu’s arrogance…it may all backfire!
Hood: Son of a bitch…a shot to the temple? WHAT A DICK
Smith: Nothing illegal about that, Hood. Just smart striking
Hood: I stand by my original affirmation
~Maurako reaches his feet, he leans against the ropes. Paras pulls Meyhu up. He releases The Marvel. Maurako stands upright, behind Meyhu. Paras delivers a soccer style kick into Meyhu’s gut! Meyhu doubles over…but not for long as a knee is lifted into his face!! He staggers back…Paras then jumps into the air and cracks the side of Meyhu’s head with an enziguri!!! Meyhu falls back, into the waiting arms of Maurako! Mario locks in La Omerta!!! The crowd goes wild! He rag dolls Meyhu, squeezing all the energy from The Marvel’s body. TIO appears anxious…he looks at the clock…it reads 45 seconds~
Smith: This could be it! I don’t think Meyhu would tap but if he’s unconscious, they’d have to call this match
Hood: If for no other reason, to preserve the main event
Smith: Yep…I can’t see how he survives the Twin City Trilogy followed up by La Omerta…it’s too much punishment for one man to take
Hood: TIO will be released soon…if he’s released in time…does he help out his partner?
Smith: That is an excellent question
~The clock hits thirty. It becomes apparent by TIO’s angst that he’s going to help Meyhu. Maurako continues to toss Meyhu around. Scruff comes in, asking Meyhu if he’s going to give it up. Meyhu has no response. Is he out? Paras looks toward the clock. He sees it hit fifteen seconds. He’s fully aware of TIO’s impending release. He flies through the ropes, his feet hitting the dirt. The clock hits ten. Maurako stops flinging Meyhu around and yells at Scruff, “Is he out?!” Scruff looks at Meyhu’s face…he appears to be. The buzzer sounds! The door clicks and it slides open. Paras rushes forward…TIO charges out and spears Paras through the midsection, bullying him toward the ring. Paras throws knees and strikes, trying to get TIO off him. TIO spikes the lower portion of Paul’s back against the edge of the apron!! This slows Paras down. TIO does it again! Paras appears to be momentarily incapacitated. TIO rolls into the ring, fearing that Scruff may end the match~
Smith: He’s out! Ring the bell!
Hood: He’s not out, he’s just thinking really deeply
Smith: He is out! If you want our main event to take place then they need to end this right now before any real damage is done
Hood: Fucking PM…they are ruining everything!
~Scruff reaches up, touching Meyhu’s arm…he lifts it up. TIO gets to his feet and he tackles Maurako and Meyu, taking them to the mat! Scruff backs away, unable to see if the arm would have dropped! The fans give TIO a strong ovation for saving a match they are thoroughly enjoying. Mario still has Meyhu locked in La Omerta. TIO pummels the side of Mario’s head with right fists. Mario finally releases Meyhu…The Marvel rolls onto his front, motionless against the mat. TIO pins Mario against the mat, on his back and takes control with a full mount…he fires away with fists and forearms. Maurako has a hard time defending~
Smith: TIO could knock Maurako out with one well-placed punch!
Hood: I think we’re seeing who the TRUE leader of The Family was
Smith: Strong words…care if I share them with Mario?
Hood: Now why would you go and do a thing like that?
~TIO gets to his feet…he pulls Maurako up and hooks him for a Rock Bottom. Paras rolls into the ring and gets to his feet, holding his back in pain. TIO grabs Paras…it looks like he’s going for a double Rock Bottom…instead, he falls straight back and drops both men with a Double Ego Trip!!! Meyhu is seated in the corner, watching. His eyes widen…he’s furious. TIO sits up and nods at his partner. He then covers Maurako…Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Maurako kicked out of the Ego Trip!
Hood: To be fair…it was like a second hand Ego Trip. You know, like some weak ass version of a once badass story
Smith: He nailed it pretty soundly, Hood
Hood: Don’t you besmirch The Marvel’s move!
~Meyhu pulls his sore, strained body up via the aid of the ropes. He heads over toward TIO. TIO pops to his feet…he and Meyhy come face to face, nose to nose. The crowd is buzzing with excitement. “Fuck him up, Meyhu!” is heard…followed by “TIO!” They are reaching a boiling point as the trash talk escalates. TIO looks ready to throw a punch…he feels something around his leg. It’s Paras…The Perfect One has hold of his left foot. TIO hops around and looks at Meyhu for help. Meyhu stands back. Paras gets to his feet, maintaining his grip…he spins to the mat with a Dragon Screw leg whip!!! TIO spins down, holding his knee in pain. Maurako begins to stir. Meyhu, surveying the situation hops through the ropes, to the dirt. He heads for the cell~
Smith: What’s he doing?!
Hood: Did TIO leave something behind in the cell? Maybe he’s retrieving a lost item for his brother!
Smith: That can’t be it…could he…
Hood: Could he what? You act like I’m a psychic…I’m no Miss Cleo!
Smith: DATED REFERENCE ALERT!
~Meyhu reaches the cell. He turns around and looks back at the ring…Maurako and Paras are mauling TIO. Meyhu steps into the cell and he shuts the door. The crowd BOOS him aggressively. A few chants of “PUSSY” are hurled down at The Marvel. Meyhu points at his head saying, “Not worth it! This is NOT worth it.”~
Smith: What a chicken! He’s going to hide out in that cell and allow PM to decimate his partner so that he can have a clear advantage in the OCW Title match later this evening!
Hood: What a genius! You see, Smith…this is what OCW Champions are made of
Smith: If that’s true then, wow, that is so, so sad
Hood: Brains, Smith….it takes brains to reach the pinnacle of this establishment. Aside from Bifford, they all have muscles.
~TIO looks to Meyhu while Maurako bullies him into a corner. His eyes seem to beg Meyhu to help him…they’ve had differences but surely the tag titles can temporarily mend the broken fence. But, nope, the clock reads one minute, forty-five seconds and Meyhu looks content to hang. Maurako drills a shoulder into TIO’s gut! TIO coughs from impact. Maurako steps back…Paras comes flying in with a knee into TIO’s face!! TIO falls to his knees…he crawls toward the center of the ring. Maurako, remembering a blow to the head he suffered earlier, rushes forward and delivers a stomp into the back of TIO’s head…it’s almost like a drive by curb stomp…TIO’s face PLANTS into the mat…he goes still, possibly knocked out~
Smith: What a lowlife…seriously, leaving your partner behind in the trenches? I can hardly stomach the act
Hood: Oh give me a fucking break. You ask Maurako…ask your hero Marvelous Mario Maurako what he’d do for the OCW Title…I guarantee you he’d do whatever it took to win that fucking thing
Smith: He wouldn’t leave Paras behind, I can tell you that!
Hood: Seriously? You act like those two have never faced before. This is a cut throat business, Smith. And it takes a dick head to reach the top…sorry to break the news to ya, cup cake
Smith: You know I hate being called baked goods!
~Maurako reaches down, he grabs TIO by his hair…yanking him to his feet. The clock hits one minute. Maurako hooks TIO in La Omerta!! Instead of rag dolling TIO…he lifts him up and SLAMS him into the mat with Super Mario!!! TIO’s body spasms. Mario goes for the pin with Paras keeping an eye on both the clock and Meyhu. The clock hits 45 seconds~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: TIO kicks out…he’s showing a lot of heart!
Hood: What? They ripped his chest open?!
Smith: NOT LITERALLY
Hood: Oh, okay…whew!
~The clock hits thirty seconds. Maurako stands and looks down at TIO, frustrated he kicked out. Paras says something to his legendary partner. Mario nods. He pulls TIO up and holds him in place…if not, TIO would collapse to the mat. Paras sprints for the ropes…he bounces off and flies through the air drilling TIO in the face with the SICK KICK!! TIO flips backwards, landing on his front side. Paras rolls TIO onto his back and goes for the pin. The clock hits ten…the prisoners count down~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: Another kickout!! TIO is showing some major heart in this one!
Hood: Damn…
Smith: Paras calls that Blue Angel! A great move…the type of impact that would leave most opponents laying for at least a three count.
Hood: Yes but most opponents are NOT incredible.
Smith: I can’t argue that
~The buzzer goes off…the cell door unlocks. Meyhu keeps his hands wrapped around the bars…the door remains shut, but unlocked. Meyhu watches the action inside the ring. Paras pops to his feet and motions with his hand for Maurako to hoist TIO up. Mario yanks TIO to his feet and slaps him across the face, purely for insult…the prisoners cheer, liking the act. Mario lifts TIO up…Paras runs for the ropes~
Smith: Blast from the Past!
Hood: Game, set…match!
~Paras ricochets off the ropes and leaps through the air. TIO wiggles, he is able to slide down Mario’s back! Paras misses with the flying knee and lands, awkwardly on the mat. TIO rolls Maurako over with a sunset flip!! He doesn’t hold on…instead he pops to his feet and kicks Maurako in the face with a Penalty Kick!! The back of Mario’s head slams against the pat. Paras shakes the awkward landing off and he sprints for TIO who is standing near the ropes…TIO ducks and pulls down on the top rope…Paras goes flying over the top rope, landing roughly on the outside. Meyhu suddenly slides the door open~
Smith: What the…NOW he wants to get involved…this guy needs to make up his mind!
Hood: Well now they can win…I mean he’d like to win this match, don’t get me wrong…but not at the risk of threatening his OCW Title shot
Smith: I feel like he’s ruining this match
Hood: Yea, well that’s because you’re an idiot…but, hey, how about TIO countering Blast from the Past?
Smith: It was a great counter…having experienced it a few weeks ago…I’m sure TIO knew exactly what was coming the moment Maurako lifted him up
~TIO collapses to the ring…his burst was quick, effective but far from lasting. He’s still very much beaten down. Meyhu hurries toward the ring, he slides in under the bottom rope and slaps TIO around, trying to wake him up. TIO isn’t quite sure where he is…he looks at Meyhu with a confused gaze. Meyhu tries to point at Maurako saying they need to pin him. TIO doesn’t seem to grasp the concept. Meyhu drops TIO’s head...it bounces off the mat. He goes for Maurako…he yanks the muscular Hall of Famer to his feet and shoves him against the ropes…Meyhu charges in and clotheslines Maurako over the top rope, to the outside!! Mario hits hard and falls back against the dirt. Meyhu steps through the ropes and hops down, next to Mario~
Smith: Now what is he doing?
Hood: Whatever he’s doing we will MARVEL at it
Smith: That’d be a first for this match…all he’s done is act like a coward
Hood: He’s going to beat the OUS out of Mario’s moniker!
~Meyhu drags Mario toward the cell. He throws Mario inside the SLAMS the door shut. He marches around the cell and begins to push. It budges a little…but not much. Meyhu walks backward until he brushes up against the Plexiglas siding. He sprints forward as fast as he can and SLAMS into the back of the cell with all the force he’s got…it slowly starts to tilt…gravity gains the upper (OR LOWER) hand. The cell falls down, into the ground!!! The crowd goes wild! The door is trapped shut beneath the weight of the cell. The back is a giant, concrete wall. The two sides are comprised of bars. We can’t see Mario’s body from our vantage point. Meyhu steps up, on top of the tipped over cell and he holds his arms out in triumph…the prisoners re-discover their love of The Marvel chanting “MEYYYYY-HUUUUUU”~
Smith: Oh come on!!
Hood: What a move! What a GREAT move!
Smith: How is Mario going to get out? He’s trapped!
Hood: Sucks to be PM!
~We see, from Meyhu’s angle Paras slide back into the ring. TIO is standing, or, well, leaning in a corner. Paras doesn’t seem to realize what’s taken place. He looks around for Maurako, but can’t find him. So, he does what’s in his nature…he goes after his opponent, TIO. Paras drills TIO in the gut with a knee. He unleashes a flurry of quick fists and backhands. Meyhu hops off the back of the cell and sprints for the ring. He slides in and runs for the corner…he leaps through the air and CRUSHES both Paras and TIO with a huge splash!! Paras leans against TIO…Meyhu hooks him around the waist and tosses him into the center of the ring with a Release German Suplex. Paras lands, folding up at the waist. TIO falls to the mat, injured from the impact. Meyhu pops to his feet…he appears very proud~
Smith: Good for you, Meyhu. GOOD FOR YOU
Hood: Nice to see you’re finally recognizing talent
Smith: I’m being facetious!
Hood: It’s always FACE with you, isn’t it?
Smith: No comment
~The clock hits 45 seconds. OCW officials surround the manipulated cell. They look for a way to release Maurako once the clock expires. We see the giant hand of Maurako sticking out…our view lowers, he’s on all fours, looking out from the side of the cell…he doesn’t look comfortable. Meyhu, meanwhile, is waking TIO up. He helps his partner to his feet in the corner and points at Paras. TIO starts to finally snap back into the moment…he shoves Meyhu away. The crowd goes “ooohhhh”. Meyhu holds his hands up as if to say “Hey, what’s the deal, bro?” TIO walks away from Meyhu, heading for another corner. Paras reaches his feet, holding the back of his neck. Meyhu goes after him~
Smith: I know they have a clear advantage for…most likely the rest of the match…but Paras is still one of the greatest wrestlers in OCW history…they need to keep their focus on him or he could win this match all by himself
Hood: So if he loses…is he no longer Perfect?
Smith: He’ll always be Perfect, Hood
Hood: That doesn’t make any fucking sense
~Meyhu throws a knee into Paul’s kidney. Paras leans to the side, wincing in pain. Meyhu hoists Paras over his shoulder. Paras is facing the sky…Meyhu flips The Perfect One over and slams him into the mat with a Reverse Powerslam!!! Paras hits hard. Meyhu picks him back up…the look in Meyhu’s eye is one of confidence…he can sense victory. He lifts Paras over his head and snaps him forward into the mat with an Alabama Slam!!! The entire ring shakes from impact. Paras is out. Meyhu goes for a nonchalant cover. Scruff slides in to count…as he does, the buzzer sounds~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: He kicked out! Way to go Paras…c’mon, let’s get Maurako out of that cell!
Hood: Not happening
Smith: With enough man power, it can be done. I have faith!
~Meyhu stands over Paras looking disgusted. We see several OCW employees working to lift the cell up. It won’t budge. Maurako is crawling around inside, trying to find a way out…his mannerisms are frantic. The crowd explodes! Meyhu and TIO look toward the entrance…it’s JAMES VOREX~
Smith: James Vorex!! One half of Extremely Dangerous!
Hood: What the hell is THAT loser doing out here?!
Smith: It looks like he’s here to help! Extremely Dangerous were one of PM’s many foes…they remember the tag division for what it used to be…not what it is today!
Hood: Yes, it’s improved dramatically…glad you agree!
~Meyhu and TIO watch Vorex aid the OCW personnel in lifting the cage. It moves a little…but nothing close to what they need. Meyhu and TIO return their focus to Paras. TIO pushes Meyhu out of the way saying, “Let me show you how it’s done.” He pulls Paras up and knees him in the gut. He hooks Paul’s head and lifts him up…he holds him in the air for five…seven…TEN seconds…he drops Paras to the mat with a Brainbuster!!! Paras sits up…his head wobbles back and forth…he then flails backwards. TIO covers him~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!
Smith: Paras is hanging in there…but how much more punishment can he take?
Hood: He’s just about done
Smith: Sad, but true
~TIO stands and looks down at Paras, equally frustrated. The crowd explodes once more! TIO and Meyhu look at the entrance…ZEUS AND HADES come running down…they almost trip but, hey, they make it. They reach the prison cell and pat Vorex on the back. He smiles, happy to see them. They count to three and give the cell a big push…it lifts off the ground…the crowd is on their feet…Maurako starts to look relieved…the cell stops…it shakes…they lose their grip and it slams back into the dirt! The prisoner crowd sighs with disappointment. Vorex, Zeus and Hades look at the cell in defeat. Meyhu laughs while TIO displays a smug look. Meyhu points at Paras and says “Forget what’s between us…let’s finish this ‘legend’!” TIO extends his hand…Meyhu shakes it~
Smith: The Greek gods…the team Extremely Dangerous defeated for the OCW Tag Titles...they came down here to help…but, to no avail
Hood: I’m not surprised, those guys are out sized!
Smith: This is just so sad…these legends…the old tag teams of yesteryear are watching everything they built get stomped on by the very definition of arrogance
Hood: Oh please, it’s not THAT fucking bad
~TIO pulls Paras up…he holds Paras in position…Meyhu’s foot goes through Paul’s face with a superkick!!! Paras falls back into TIO’s arms. TIO hooks him with a Full Nelson. He rag dolls Paras around the ring while Maurako watches, helplessly from the cell. Paras can’t defend…he’s still awake, but unable to break free. Scruff tries asking Paras if he wants to give it up but TIO just jerks Paras away, continuing to inflict tremendous pain. Meyhu smiles, finding the situation humorous~
Smith: They are going to seriously injure Paul…we need somebody…we need a hero!
Hood: This is OCW…there are no heroes
Smith: That cannot be right
~Scruff rushes over, continuing to check on Paras…Paras may be out. Scruff reaches for Paul’s arm…TIO kicks Scruff away…he lifts Paras into the air and DRILLS him into the mat with a Full Nelson Slam!! He charges toward the back of the ring and points at Maurako yelling “That’s how it’s done!!” Meyhu, ever the opportunist, covers Paras…Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3…
NO! SHOULDER UP!
Smith: He kicked out!! I can’t believe it!
Hood: Paras lives!
Smith: But for how much longer?
~Meyhu, on his knees, shakes his head. He slaps Paras across the face…it’s an act of frustration. Meyhu stands. TIO walks over…somewhat aggravated that Meyhu went for the pin. He asks why Meyhu didn’t grab both legs…Meyhu shrugs. TIO responds, “You would have won if you grabbed both legs! I would have grabbed both legs!” Meyhu has no response…finding the conversation to be useless. Suddenly, in the distance…we see two men stand amongst the crowd…it takes a moment…but soon, the fans around them start to react…a cheer grows…it rises and rises before engulfing center stage. Meyhu and TIO turn and look toward the noise. Our camera zooms in…it’s…it’s…~
Smith: Oh my gosh…Hood…look!
Hood: What…it’s just a couple of prisoners. Reminds me of Lenny and that little guy from Of Mice and Men
Smith: Great comparison but that’s not them…that’s PERCY ELLIS AND STONEWALL JACKSON
Hood: Holy shit…Mississippi Mud?
Smith: Yes…they have apparently been incarcerated here for quite some time!
~Jackson gives Percy a boost…he hops over the Plexiglas and jumps down. His landing is surprisingly safe. Jackson PUNCHES the glass…it cracks…he PUNCHES it again…it BREAKS! He steps through. A ton of other prisoners threaten to rush through…however, security rushes in and beats them back with pepper spray and clubs. Stonewall matches behind Percy…they reach the cell. TIO looks at Meyhu asking “What the hell is that?” Meyhu shrugs…he looks down at Paras and tells TIO, “Finish him, now.”~
Smith: Mississippi Mud the former tag team champions Perfectly Marvelous dethroned….have seen enough! They are here to right this wrong!
Hood: Man, these guys have some serious Stockholm syndrome going on…PM beats their ass nearly twenty years ago so here they are...helping them
Smith: It’s about justice!
Hood: They are in the worst fucking prison ever…what do they care about justice
Smith: Every man has a code, Hood!
~Ellis, Vorex, Zeus, Hades, the OCW personnel and Jackson all grab a portion of the cell and begin to lift. TIO grabs Paras and hooks him in a Dragon Sleeper. He drags Paras into a corner…he climbs up onto the middle buckle and lifts Paras up with the Dragon Sleeper still applied. Paras kicks his legs…his face starts to turn blue. Scruff asks Paras if he wants to give it up…Paras shakes his head ‘no’. Meyhu turns his head…toward the heavy lifting. It becomes obvious at this point they are going to erect the cell. It’s halfway up…Stonewall lets out a huge grunt and they get it over!!! The cell is back upright!! Meyhu exits the ring, angrily…he heads over to the former Tag Champions surrounding the cell~
Smith: I’m not sure the Savage Champion wants any part of those legendary tag teams!
Hood: Don’t worry, he’s got this…he’s probably going to offer Stonewall a carton of cigarettes if he’ll help them put down this ridiculously resilient Paul Paras
Smith: I hope not!
~Meyhu tries to get to Maurako before the door gets opened. It’s apparently wedged shut from the fall. Vorex, Zeus, Hades and Ellis stand in his way. He looks down at all four of the former champions and laughs. Back inside the ring Paras continues kicking his legs…he starts to gain some momentum. TIO wrenches harder. Paras is able to get enough momentum to hit the mat with his feet…he lifts TIO up on his shoulders…the crowd goes wild…what an amazing display of strength and stamina…TIO kills the cheers, however, instantly dropping Paras with an Inverted DDT! Paras is laid out…TIO goes for the pin hooking BOTH legs~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!
Smith: Yes! Yes! C’mon Paras…just a little longer…last just a little bit longer
Hood: Finish him TIO!
Smith: No!
~Meyhu is about to start laying waste to the former champions. Suddenly a loud CLICK is heard as Stonewall rips the door open. Maurako comes sprinting out. The former champions part and Maurako SPEARS right through Meyhu!! He lifts Meyhu onto his shoulders and runs full speed toward the ring post…he leaps through the air and CRACKS Meyhu’s back into the post!! Meyhu yells out in pain, falling to the dirt. Back inside the ring, TIO has Paras on his feet…he knees him in the gut and lifts him up for You’re Incredibly Fucked!! Before he can drop him, Paras jabs TIO in the nose. TIO staggers…Paras then makes a seamless transition into a Triangle!! TIO stumbles around the ring, on his feet, with Paras hanging onto the triangle choke~
Smith: What a reversal by Paras…he could choke TIO out!
Hood: How did this turn so fast…bullshit! Bullshit I say!
Smith: Yes, we heard you the first time
Hood: BULLSHIT
~TIO continues to stumble around the ring, losing oxygen and energy. His back is to Maurako…Mario slides into the ring. Paras, up in the air, looks over TIO’s shoulder and spots Maurako. TIO tries to push Paras off him…Paras finally releases and goes over TIO’s head, landing behind the Paradigm Champion. He grabs TIO by the arm, turns him around and whips him at Maurako…Maurako catches TIO and lifts him up…Paras sprints toward the ropes…he bounces off and hits TIO in the face with a flying knee…TIO falls to the ring, lifeless. Maurako goes for the pin…Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3….
NO!
~Maurako’s body disappears…Meyhu yanks him out of the ring. The crowd gasps with shock. Paras is standing, already getting ready to pose for the win. He turns around, surprised he didn’t hear the third hand on mat impact. He spots Meyhu pulling Maurako out of the ring. Maurako hits the dirt, hard~
Smith: That darn Marvel!
Hood: He’s unbeatable!
Smith: As is The Incredible One….you have to wonder, after that…can PM win this match?
Hood: Fuck no they can’t…they’re old, I’m sure they BOTH have to use the restroom something fierce by now
~Paras rushes for the ropes…he flies through them and takes Meyhu head on with strikes. Meyhu fights back…the crowd is going wild…a former OCW Champion battling it out with the number one contender. Neither man is budging an inch. Maurako gets to his feet…he stalks behind Paras. The Perfect One gains a slight upper hand…his skilled striking is overtaking Meyhu’s natural talent. Meyhu gives ground…he’s inching close to the prison cell. His heels touch the base of the cell…he staggers, trying to get away…Paras takes the opportunity to duck and deliver a spinning leg sweep to Meyhu! Maurako charges forward, with Paras out of the way and nearly decapitates Meyhu with a lariat!! The Marvel tumbles backward into the cell!! Together, Maurako and Paras SLAM the door shut…the clock starts. The tag teams of yesteryear go crazy. Paras looks toward the ring…TIO is slowly getting to his feet…he looks at Mauarko…Maurako nods, in unison, PM sprints toward the ring and the vulnerable Incredible One~
Smith: Double Entendre!! Meyhu is locked in that cell for two minutes…this could be it!
Hood: No…this can’t be happening!
Smith: The Aptitude’s tag team reign of terror could be at an end
Hood: CJ! Where is CJ?! Get CJ out here!
Smith: Not going to happen
Hood: Carrington? SOMEBODY STOP THIS
~Paras and Maurako slide into the ring, side by side. Maurako taps TIO on the shoulder…he turns around…Mario hoists him up in a Gorilla Press Slam position. Paras nods his head…the two are working as well as they ever have. Using both arms and all his strength Maurako tosses TIO in the air…he comes tumbling down and Paras catches him with a mid-air cutter!!! The crowd goes wild!! Paras hooks BOTH legs…Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!!!!!!!!
~The prisoners can’t help it…they go wild. “PM!” chants fill the arena. Paras pops to his feet with a look that says “this was never in doubt.” Maurako leans against the ropes, relieved the task is over. The tag titles are brought into the ring by Scruff~
Belvedere: Here are your winners…AND THE NEW OCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…PERFECTLY MARVELOUS!!!!!
Smith: They did it!! JACKPOT! They did it! Perfectly Marvelous just vanquished The Aptitude…a reign of terror that began with the belittling of The Dravers Boys has finally ended tonight...what a relief!
Hood: Those tag titles are suddenly obsolete!
Smith: How can you possibly say that?
Hood: The OLD guys are champs…what about the new era? What about the now?
Smith: I’d say the now…the today…the current trend is what it is…it may not be good….it may not be great…but it is
Hood: Oh shut the fuck up!
Smith: You killed my momentum! But, man, what a match! As if they needed the additional accolade…PM just become the second two time Tag Champs in OCW history…they are now tied with Sex and Violence
Hood: I still prefer Sex and Violence
Smith: Of course you would…if there were any doubts, you can put them to rest…Perfectly Marvelous is the greatest tag team in OCW history
Hood: I need a beer
Smith: Too early in the day for that…we’re still just getting started!
~The cell is finally unlocked. PM are already on their way out of the arena. Meyhu emerges, wincing from Double Entendre. He sees TIO being looked at in the ring. He realizes what’s taken place. He waves his arms at TIO in disgust and opts to leave him behind. Before he can make an exit…prison guards approach with cuffs. He shakes his head and says, “Really?” They nod…he extends his hands, going along with the show’s theme~
Smith: No compassion from Meyhu…TIO gave it everything he had and all his partner can do is cast him aside
Hood: Such is life…Meyhu didn’t get pinned…TIO did. That’s not Meyhu’s fault
Smith: I hope TIO gets retribution later tonight. Meyhu is a real jerk.
Hood: He’s also the most talented man in OCW. You better HOPE he wins tonight…for the sake of that belt
Smith: No way! Well folks…I’m told we’ve got an update on the adventures of Jack Puffer!
~Jack Puffer is shown stumbling around the Amsterdam airport, visibly hungover. It’s the following day. He was up late partying. The employee takes down his flight number and rings up a ticket. Another four figured price displays. Puffer hands over the OCW company card~
Employee: For only three hundred dollars extra I can bump you up to first class
Jack Puffer: Yes, wonderful. I believe I’ve earned that.
~She prints off his ticket. We see the destination – WALES. Puffer heads off. We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Jack Puffer is receiving an all-expenses paid trip around Europe. How nice for him
Hood: This fucking company
Smith: Well…while that…whatever it is…gets sorted out…we’ve got another match to get to.
Hood: SCHWEET…which one is it?
Smith: Let’s find out!
~We head to prison row. A guard is heading across a number of cells. It’s the familiar setting we’ve seen several times this evening. He stops, looks down at a clipboard and calls out~
Guard: Carrington! You’re up!
~A pair of intelligent looking hands emerge from within a cell. The guard heads over and places a set of cuffs around each wrist. The door unlocks. Bradley Carrington takes a few minutes to emerge…when he finally does the OCW Paradigm Title is around his waist and a book is in his hand. It’s titled “Being the Best at Everything, the Bradley Carrington Story.” He hands it to the guard. While doing so he mentions it leading the guard to living a better life. The guard instantly hurls the book away and tightens the cuffs around Carrington’s waist. Carrington winces. He tries to ask what the issue is…the guard, using the pressure of the tightened cuffs, bullies Carrington down prison row. While walking away, we see several mathematical equations on Carrington’s wall…all centered around the number 230. The names of the moves on his list are scratched out, one by one. We cut to the Prison Arena~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the Checklist Match!! The winner of this match will either claim the Paradigm Championship OR they will receive a Paradigm Title shot two weeks from today. In order to win this match, a participant must perform ALL TEN moves provided by their opponent…once the list is completely checked off, then they are eligible to pin or submit their opponent.
~The prison crowd seems a bit put off by the rules. They think it sounds kind of lame, kind of gay. Dirty Devin, seated in his lightning throne, looks down with disdain. He yells for another PBR…one of the portly female guards cracks another PBR open and pours it down his throat. “Vagabond” by the Greenskeepers begins to play. The crowd gives a strong response when they see MACK O’CONNOR appear from behind the curtain. Mack looks around the crowd without much emotion. He casually spits at the ground and makes his way from the Plexiglas covered entrance. He steps onto the dirt and reaches the ring…he walks around three fourths of the ring, as though he’s sizing the structure up. He rolls in under the bottom rope, gets to his feet and leans against the ropes~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Brooklyn, New York…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 230lbs…he is a former OCW Savage Champion…he is a former OCW Champion…he is….Mack O’Connor!!!
~Two guards emerge from behind the curtain with Carrington in tow. He looks highly uncomfortable. Looking around at the crowd…he finds the appearance and behavior of the prisoners to be disgusting and unacceptable. He refuses to make eye contact. The fans, at first, are sort of on his side…however, the more they look at Carrington…the more they observe his aura…they begin to turn on him. By the time Carrington reaches the ring, he’s receiving mostly boos from the crowd. A few voices are heard saying “Uppity Sumuvabitch!” Carrington doesn’t notice their attitude…all he seems concerned about is what happened to his book and getting the cuffs off his wrists~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Ithaca, New York…standing six feet tall and weighing in at 205lbs…he is a member of The Aptitude…Bradley Carrington!!!
~Carrington has the cuffs removed. He looks down at his wrists…they are red and irritated. He rubs them and says something about the cops being brutes. He removes the Paradigm Title and hands it to Belvedere who exits the ring with it. The bell rings. The crowd, upon hearing Carrington is an Aptitude member, shifts a bit…they are now cheering for the self-proclaimed greatest man who ever lived~
Smith: These fans are torn, Hood. They like Mack’s overall demeanor…however, Carrington being bound by cuffs and affiliated with The Aptitude has put him over with the ‘fans’ in this setting.
Hood: They should like Carrington. If they would just watch and observe this man, they might be able to reform, get out of jail and become a manager at Wal-Mart or something
Smith: Manager at Wal-Mart?!
Hood: Well they are dirty, filthy prisoners…you have to set attainable goals, you know
|
|
~Mack drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring. He looks underneath the apron and pulls out a box labeled “Mack’s Hooch!” He removes a cloth covering the top and inside reside twelve bottles of moonshine! The crowd goes wild!!! Mack pulls two bottles out and heads toward the fans…he hurls them over the Plexiglas wall, into the crowd. He walks past the spot Stonewall broke through. It’s taped up with cheap wood and cardboard. Guards surround it, ready to pummel and spray any ‘rogue’ prisoner. The inmates fight over the bottles, open them and begin to drink with a thirst that can only be described as ‘fucking parched’~
Smith: Mack is winning over this crowd!
Hood: He’s like Santa Clause for the socially depraved…fucking moonshine is the shit!
Smith: Really? I thought it was hit or miss
Hood: Anything with that much alcohol content is always a hit! If you don’t like the taste, grab a fucking chaser
~Mack goes around the arena tossing bottles of ‘shine into the crowd. He reaches for the last bottle and unscrews the top. He holds the bottle up…the crowd yells in response ‘YEA!!’ Mack throws back a good portion…it goes down like water. He smiles and turns around, facing the ring. As he does, he receives a dropkick to the face!! Carrington, perched on the apron, had been waiting and once Mack turned around, jumped off and kicked him in the face!! Mack falls down…the bottle spills into the dirt, slightly. The crowd freaks out “GRAB THE FUCKING SHINE, BOY!” they yell. Carrington stands and picks up the bottle…he looks at the crowd with disgust. He shakes his head in disapproval and turns the bottle upside down, pouring all the liquor into the dirt. BOOOOOOOOOO!!! Goes the crowd…it is, without a fucking doubt, the loudest boos of the day…possibly the YEAR~
Smith: Bradley Carrington will not earn any fans amongst this rowdy bunch by performing acts like that
Hood: I’m torn…like I hate seeing a perfectly good bottle of alcohol wasted. However, the absolute level of fucks given…zero, for all you retards sitting at home…by Carrington wasting that liquor in front of these alcoholic prisoners was badass.
Smith: Well I’m going to have to side with Carrington…to promote a clean, healthy lifestyle is of utmost importance. Perhaps I should read his book!
Hood: That’s it! I’m going for Mack!
~Carrington stomps on Mack’s chest. He pulls Mack to his feet and clutches O’Connor’s throat. He lifts O’Connor up in the air…struggling to get him up…he then tosses him, awkwardly into the dirt!!! The crowd boos. Bradley turns and looks at Scruff. Scruff looks around, thinking…he finally nods, giving Carrington approval. Carrington throws his arms in the air~
Smith: A chokeslam!! Carrington just chokeslammed Mack…that’s one move down!
Hood: Idiot is acting like he just won the super bowl
Smith: Well, you have to give him credit…that’s a tough move on a man Mack’s size. No doubt Carrington had been strategizing all day…this early in the match, as fresh as you’ll be…go for a power move early…makes all the sense in the world.
Hood: I guess
Smith: And a one handed power move should be, in theory, twice as hard as any two handed power move…so, hey, good, smart move by Carrington
~Mack starts to get up…the chokeslam was pretty weak. The crowd cheers. Carrington stops celebrating, displaying SOME awareness. He looks down at Mack. He sprints toward Mack, who is sitting up…Carrington lays out, with his feet first and he elbows Mack in the chest!! Mack’s back THUDS against the dirt…this time he’s in quite a bit of discomfort. Scruff just stands and watches from the ring…there’s not really much he can do~
Smith: And there are no count outs in this one…no DQs…at least not until the move sets are complete!
Hood: Really? That seems very Un-Paradigm like
Smith: Considering what that poor title has been through this year…this is a ninety minute submission match!
Hood: Don’t ever make me sit through one of those, PLEASE
~Carrington gets up, brushing the dirt off his body. He thinks…Scruff yells out, showing a list, in case Bradley’s memory fails him. Carrington rolls his eyes and waves Scruff off. He grabs Mack’s bald head, helping the former OCW Champion to his feet. He knees Mack in the gut…O’Connor doubles over, Carrington hooks Mack around the waist and hoists him up, over his head in a crucifix position. Carrington’s arms shake…he’s having trouble keeping Mack up…he hurries toward the ring and tosses Mack over his head…Mack flies through the air and SLAMS into the ring apron!! The prisoners react with ‘ooohhh’ before chanting “HE’S FUCKED UP!” Mack falls to the ground, his back spasming. Carrington rotates both shoulders and shakes his arms~
Smith: Now THAT move was a difficult one for Carrington to pull off…he did it but you can tell his frame is going to start to wear down
Hood: Who gives a SHIT about his frame? Mack is a paraplegic!
Smith: Let’s not go overboard with the histrionics
Hood: Dude, he just got tossed onto the edge of the apron…at the very least the guy is gonna need a case of whiskey AND a morphine drip when this match is over.
Smith: That sounds like an awful combination…for those of us who want to, you know, wake up
~Carrington pulls Mack up and rolls him inside the ring. Mack remains on the mat, flat on his back…he tries to wiggle around, stretching his back out…it’s obviously bothering him. Carrington hops onto the apron and looks at Mack, whose feet are facing him. Carrington hops onto the top rope and springboards off with an elbow!! He drives it into Mack’s chest…the second such move of the match. Mack’s body goes limp. Carrington pops to his feet and backs into a corner, performing some kind of breathing exercise while mulling over the moves in his mind~
Smith: There are a few really tough power moves left for Carrington…he’s got to get those out of the way early on…otherwise, he may be unable to perform them
Hood: I still don’t know why somebody didn’t put down a 360 corkscrew powerbomb
Smith: Because you have to submit moves that are POSSIBLE
Hood: I’m sure someone, somewhere…in this wacky world of wrestling has performed that…or at least said they performed it or, at least WROTE that they performed it
Smith: Fiction can be fun…and, if you get too carried away, outlandish!
~Carrington stands upright…he’s mustering the gumption to perform his next move. He marches over to Mack, who hasn’t moved. Carrington pulls Mack to his feet and positions his hands around Mack’s throat and groin area…he then grunts and heaves Mack into the air, over his head for a Gorilla Press!! Carrington’s elbows are still bent…Mack’s stomach is covering part of his face. He lets out a guttural noise and gives it all the strength he’s got…he extends his arms fully and instantly releases Mack!! Mack slams, front first onto the mat, behind Carrington. Bradley stumbles forward, leaning against the ropes, his upper body is fatigued from all the power moves. He stares down, breathing heavily~
Smith: I know he’s in the lead but this isn’t good…he’s already worn out and he’s still got seven power moves to perform!
Hood: But he’s got the big ones out of the way, right?
Smith: The only REALLY tough one remaining…in my opinion, anyway…would be the Last Ride Powerbomb
Hood: Fuck…he’d better get that one over with pretty soon, right?
Smith: I’d say so…otherwise he may be unable to life Mack that high
~Carrington stands up straight…we catch him uttering ‘one more’ over and over. He snares Mack by the head and lifts him to his feet…he boots Mack in the gut. Mack doubles over. Carrington lifts Mack up for a powerbomb and grabs the belt looped around Mack’s jeans. He tries to hoist Mack for the Last Ride…he struggles…he can’t get it all the way…Mack finally shows life…he punches Carrington in the face and then leans backward…he flips Carrington over with a hurricanrana!!! The crowd gets loud after seeing the first bit of offense from Mack this entire match~
Smith: That’s a double whammy for Carrington…not only was he unable to complete the Last Ride…BUT he allowed Mack to eliminate one of his moves!
Hood: Shit…Carrington’s going to lose, isn’t he?
Smith: It’s way too early to tell…but I have to think Mack is at an advantage at this point…as strange as that may sound
Hood: Is there any move on that list Mack can’t do?
Smith: Well…looking at my notes…the Phoenix Splash, 450 Splash and 630 Cannonball should be…and this is putting it mildly…difficult.
Hood: Oh, never mind…Mack’s the one who’s fucked!
~Carrington stumbles to his feet…his equilibrium is thrown off…he’s more stunned, shocked than anything else. He staggers around the ring while Mack rises. Mack’s in a great deal of pain…Carrington has thrown him around, throttled him with kicks and elbows all match. O’Connor, obviously used to dealing with stumbling drunks, notices Carrington’s behavior…he sneaks up behind Bradley and locks in a SLEEPER. Carrington’s arms swing around…he tries to break free…he throws a few back kicks at Mack’s legs…they all miss. Mack has the sleeper locked in deep~
Smith: A sleeper! One of Mack’s moves…and an opportunity for Mack to regain some of his composure – stamina
Hood: For a guy who is so fucking smart…a sleeper? I think I saw Scoot Time lock in a sleeper!
Smith: So?
Hood: So?! It’s only half a step tougher than ‘look your opponent in the eye’ when it comes to moves!
Smith: It’s a little tougher than that
~Carrington’s legs start to give out. His arms cease moving. He falls to his knees…Mack leans over, which, from our understanding aids in cutting off the air supply! Finally, Mack lets go…Carrington just slumps to the mat…he appears to be sound asleep. Mack stands over him, shaking his head…a pin would be so attainable at this point. He walks over to Scruff…he winces with each step, showing that he’s still feeling pain from the earlier assault. He asks Scruff to produce the list. Mack looks it over…he sees the three aerial moves on the right and utters ‘fuck me.’ He moves his finger over to the left and breathes deeply~
Smith: Now, just because Mack is a brawler doesn’t mean he can’t do SOME athletic stuff
Hood: Sure, I saw him catch three beers at once while seated at a bar
Smith: I’m talking about inside the ring! Forget the bar frivolities! I’m sure he can perform moves like Swantons and Moonsaults…it’s just those elite aerial maneuvers…I don’t see any way he gets those marked off
Hood: So, should he forfeit?
Smith: You know that’s not happening
~Mack drags Carrington’s lifeless body near a corner. He heads toward the corner and slowly, awkwardly climbs to the top. Upon reaching the top, he’s bent over, holding onto the metal rods that keep the turnbuckles in place. His legs shake…the guy is clearly uncomfortable up there. He lets go and slowly rises and turns his back to the ring…he closes his eyes and leaps off with an awkward moonsault. He gets full rotation but his hip and ribs land on Carrington more than his actual stomach and chest. It counts though! And the crowd goes wild chanting “WEAK ASS MOONSAULT!” Mack sits up, reaching for his ribs…they are tender to the touch~
Smith: First high risk move for Mack…it was…well, it was tenuous
Hood: Felt like I was watching a kid freeze up during a talent competition!
Smith: Hey, at least he gutted it out
Hood: Yea, but it’s a fucking moonsault, man. Fat people can do moonsaults
Smith: Hey! Apologize for that remark right now
Hood: Why? It’s a fucking compliment.
~The move…or, rather the impact from it jolted some life into Carrington. He sits up, holding his midsection in pain. Mack returns to his feet, kicking Carrington in the back…Carrington’s shoulders rise as the rush of pain runs up his spine. Mack throws a forearm into the back of Carrington’s neck!! Carrington leans forward, crawling on all fours for the ropes. Mack grabs Carrington’s feet and pulls up…he’s got Carrington in a wheel barrow position…Carrington’s hands are wrapped around the middle rope. Mack goes up Carrington’s body and locks his arms around Bradley’s waist for a German. He pulls Carrington away from the ropes and lifts him up for a German Suplex…Carrington fully rotates and lands on his feet behind Mack…he hoists Mack up onto his shoulders in an inverted fireman’s carry and drops Mack on his head with an Inverted DVD!!! Mack is laid out, on his face. The crowd boos as Carrington sits up and runs his hands over his head~
Smith: Great reversal by Carrington…the rest of the moves on his list he can perform in a similar manner…aside from, well, the Last Ride
Hood: I guess he’s going to save that ride for last!
Smith: Awful…just an awful attempt at humor
Hood: What can I say…it’s fucking hot out here…I’m delirious!
~Carrington returns to his feet. He pulls Mack up and hooks him for a suplex. Mack shows little resistance. Carrington lifts Mack up in the air and instantly drops him on his head with a brainbuster!! The crowd boos. Carrington covers Mack…out of instinct or curiosity? We don’t know. He slaps the mat three times and bemoans the fact he’s got to continue. He pulls Mack up once again and drags him toward a nearby corner~
Smith: This is a grueling match…you don’t realize how consuming TEN moves per person in a match really is…until, well, you experience it
Hood: All I know is it feels like these two have beat the hell out of one another and we’re not even halfway finished with the fucking move set
Smith: Well…that’s assuming they both complete their sets
Hood: They will…they always do
~Carrington sets Mack on the top buckle. He steps up onto the middle buckle and tries to lift Mack up in a bodyslam position. Mack head butts Carrington in retaliation!! Carrington falls backward, landing on the mat!! Mack stands up, on the top buckle and he flips over in the air with a Swanton!!! The top of his head barely grazes Carrington’s body and nearly spikes into the mat upon landing…but it counts and he’s apparently, okay! He sits up, somewhat shaken from the near encounter with paralysis~
Smith: Dangerous Swanton! My goodness, one of the all-time greats in OCW history nearly had his career ended!
Hood: WEAK ASS BOOKING
Smith: After seeing that…there’s no way Mack can pull those three highly difficult aerial moves…no way
Hood: So just call the fucking thing…give it to Carrington…no sense in allowing Mack to break his fucking neck trying to win
|
|
~Mack pops back to his feet and shouts “Fuck It!” He storms to the nearest corner facing him. Carrington remains on his back. Mack climbs to the top much quicker than before…is he becoming comfortable with high risk maneuvers? Could we be seeing the birth of Mack “FLY” O’Connor? Let’s hope not. Mack reaches the top and he leaps off with a Froggy Elbow!! He drives it right into Carrington’s chest…he remains on the mat, next to Carrington and pummels him with lefts and rights much to the crowd’s delight~
Smith: Mack’s fired up! I think this match concept has finally stepped on his nerves
Hood: He’s fucking pissed…the guy is working his ass off and can’t even go for a pin…it’s a terrible match concept!
Smith: I like it…it’s innovative and complex. Nothing wrong with forcing competitors to step outside of their comfort zones
Hood: We’ll see if you feel that way after Mack tries a fucking Arizona Splash
Smith: PHOENIX SPLASH
Hood: What. Ever.
~Mack finishes pummeling Carrington and stands up. He motions for Scruff to show him the list. He stares at the three moves on the right and rolls his eyes. He turns to the left…his finger runs along the list and it stops at Anaconda Vice. He asks Scruff, “What the fuck is an Anaconda Vice?” Scruff shrugs. Some prisoner in the crowd yells out “MACK!!!” Mack turns and looks…the prisoner has a perfect Anaconda Vice locked on another prisoner. Mack gives the fan a thumb up and yells “GIVE THAT MAN SOME MOONSHINE!” He turns to Carrington and drops to the mat…Carrington is still on his back…Mack grabs Carrington’s head and looks to the prisoner. The prisoner yells out “NO, LIKE THIS!!! AHHH!!” the prisoner cranks back, destroying various parts of the imprisoned victim’s right arm. Mack nods and reworks his grip, locking in the Anaconda Vice!!! Carrington suddenly begins kicking as the pain shooting through his body wakes him up. He reaches over with his right hand to try and get Mack off…but O’Connor cranks back, applying tremendous amounts of pressure~
Smith: Well it took some quick, impromptu on the job training but Mack O’Connor has applied the Anaconda Vice!!!
Hood: Bradley’s totally fucked now…how’s he gonna lift Mack up with one arm?
Smith: Excellent observation…my guess would be with great difficulty
Hood: So Mack has to do a million flips in the air in order to win – which, we know he can’t. And, Carrington has to throw Mack around as though he were some hundred pound bitch – which, we theorize he won’t be able to. So…like…what the fuck? Are we going to have a fucking draw?
Smith: I don’t know…we’ll have to wait and see…this is so exciting!
Hood: No, Smith…no it is not. Draws suck!
~Carrington immediately begins to tap out. He slaps the mat furiously. Scruff just shrugs, unable to call for the bell. Mack laughs while Carrington taps – extracting great pleasure from extolling this type of pain. Mack finally releases the hold…Carrington rolls over, holding his left arm as though it were broken. Mack stands and looks down at Bradley discerning, “He’s a bitch. He’s a little fucking bitch!” The crowd chants “FUCK THAT BITCH!”~
Smith: Mack is not impressed with Carrington’s pain threshold
Hood: No shit…wasted a perfectly good tap out by performing that move so early
Smith: Indeed…however, it could be argued that Carrington, whether conscious or subconscious, realized tapping wouldn’t cost him the match so it made tapping out easier
Hood: Sounds like some WEAK ASS LOGIC to me
~Mack grabs Carrington’s legs, going for the figure four. It’s a move so popular…so often used that he knows how to apply it. He’s so confident in his abilities to lock in the hold he doesn’t look at the same prisoner who has it applied to the same imprisoned victim who endured the anaconda vice. The guy could be dead by this point. Mack starts to rotate around the leg when he stops and thinks. He remembers the tap out. He drops Carrington’s legs and stomps on his face…Carrington’s body goes limp~
Smith: Mack has no respect for Bradley’s pain threshold; therefore he’s going to save The Figure Four for last!
Hood: I mean, sure…that’s smart…but what about those three ridiculous moves?
Smith: I…I don’t know, Hood. He’s got to figure something out
Hood: Matt Meyhu had a jetpack on Survivor…we got any of those left lying around?
Smith: That would be cheating!
~Mack heads through the ropes, landing on the dirt outside the ring. He pulls the cloth hanging from the apron…it’s the same side where Mack’s ‘Hooch’ was located. He reaches in…he struggles finding something. He gets on his knees and crawls half under the apron…he’s down there for a while~
Smith: What is he looking for?
Hood: A new pair of legs? A black marker?
Smith: EASY
~Mack finally starts to emerge from under the ring…in his hands is…it’s…it’s…~
Smith: A MINI TRAMPOLINE?!
Hood: GENIUS
Smith: Wha…how…this can’t be legal!
Hood: HEY! You said earlier the match CAN’T end until all the moves are completed so, therefore, anything goes!
~Mack steps onto the apron and heads for a corner. He lodges the trampoline in between the middle and top rope where the surface is parallel with the top buckle. He shoves down on it and nods with approval. He spots something…Carrington is on all fours, attempting to return to his feet. Mack steps in through the ropes…he sprints at Carrington and kicks him in the side of the head!! Carrington flips onto his back, motionless. The crowd cheers loudly…a few ‘fans’ yell “GET ON THAT FUCKING TRAMPOLINE SEXY MAN!” Mack’s brow furrows…but, hey, it’s prison. So he puts the quasi compliment behind him and heads for the trampoline~
Smith: It sounds like Mack has a few new fans
Hood: He’s gained a whole bunch of new fans today, Smith…that hooch must have been great!
Smith: I’m talking about the…ya know what, nevermind…better if I don’t clarify
Hood: Oh those homosexuals in row 3, section 5?
Smith: Whoa…you knew that way too fast
~Mack steps off the solid, corner surface and bounces on the trampoline. He’s nervous, placing all his weight on the apparatus…while he did test it earlier, putting all 230 pounds on the device could expose some unforeseen instability. It holds up! He bounces a few times…getting more confident with each bounce…prisoners look on with intrigue, knowing the damn thing could dislodge at any second and likely kill Mack with a head first collision into the mat. Mack leaps off! He performs a 450 splash! He nearly overshoots it…but manages to hit Carrington just in time! The crowd chants “FUCK YES! FUCK YES!” They sense, for the first time that Mack can complete his move set and win the match~
Smith: The 450 is out of the way…say what you want about his method…but Mack has just opened the door to a clear victory
Hood: No shit, Carrington is FUCKED UP
Smith: He has taken a ton of punishment
Hood: He looks worse than that prisoner being used as a practice dummy…hold on, is that guy in a cross face now?
Smith: Yes, yes he is
~Mack’s eyes are wide…that was quite the trip. He reaches his feet and holds up three fingers…slowly he lowers one. The prisoners yell out “TWO MORE!!” Mack nods and heads back for the corner with the trampoline. He climbs and steps on the trampoline with far more equanimity. He bounces a few times, getting his momentum…he leaps off and rotates what looks like several times before landing back first on Carrington!! It’s a 630 cannonball!! The crowd is going wild at this point chanting and raving and slapping the Plexiglas. Mack shakes his head, somewhat jarred by all the rotations~
Smith: The 630! He’s almost finished…one more move off that trampoline and he’ll be down to the figure four!
Hood: Probably the most unique win of Mack’s career
Smith: If he holds on, I’d agree!
~Mack returns to his feet, wobbling side to side. He holds up two fingers – the index and middle. He lowers the index…the crowd goes wild and yells ‘ONE MORE!!’ He hurries back for the trampoline corner. He climbs to the top…he’s getting really good at this. He stands on the trampoline and turns his back to Carrington. Mack bounces once…twice…he leaps off, twisting and flipping in the air…he lands front first on top of Carrington to a thunderous ovation!! Mack rolls off Carrington…he stares into the sky…the sun is high and bright, he’s drenched with sweat. He waves Scruff over~
Smith: That’s it! All he has to do is lock in the Figure Four and Mack will be finished with his moves!
Hood: And Carrington’s got, what, like 3 moves left
Smith: Five…he’s got FIVE power moves left
Hood: This is a fucking ROUT
~Brad and Scruff begin to argue. Brad holds up three fingers with desperation in his eyes. Scruff points at the sweat drenched list…he’s pointing at Swanton. We can overhear Mack yelling “I ALREADY FUCKING DID THAT!” Scruff shakes his head ‘no’. Mack looks at Carrington…he’s pretty much dead. He looks at the trampoline. He yells “FUCK!” and gets to his feet. He heads back for the corner~
Smith: What is wrong with Scruff? How can he not remember…
Hood: Dude, he’s Scruff…I’m surprised he made it to Louisiana
Smith: Yea, I pretty much came to that realization mid question
Hood: That’s okay…Mack’s got that trampoline…he could do like a 9124 splash if he had to!
Smith: I can’t even fathom what that would look like
~Mack hops onto the second buckle and effortlessly reaches the top. He’s looking like a giant, bald Robbie Rayder all of a sudden! He stands on the trampoline and jumps a few times…he points at Scruff and flashes his middle finger yelling “FUCK YOU, SCRUFF!” Scruff seems nonplussed, not sure why he’s getting treated with such disrespect. Mack jumps once…he jumps twice…he…OH MY GOSH!!!~
Smith: NO!!!
Hood: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
~The trampoline gave way!! Mack falls uncontrollably to the ring…his face PLANTS into the canvas with a sickening smack!!! The trampoline tumbles in a strangely innocuous manner, landing on top of Mack. We see a giant splotch of blood from where Mack’s face first hit. His head is turned to the other side…a bit of blood starts to emerge from underneath. Scruff suddenly remembers something…he pulls his list out and scratches off ‘SWANTON’. He walks up and apologizes to Mack for forgetting stating that he had, indeed completed the move~
Hood: Too little, too late you dumbfuck bumfuck fucking fuck…FUCKING SCRUFF!
Smith: Hood, calm down…you’re gonna have a heat stroke
Hood: What do you mean ‘calm down’?! He just KILLED MACK!!
Smith: I hope not…but I’m sure Mack has, at least, a broken nose…probably more
~Bradley begins to stir. Mack is OUT. His neck…his collar bones, it could all be shattered. Carrington sits up, grabbing his midsection in pain. He gets to his feet, unsure of where he is or what’s going on. Scruff, somehow coming off like an Anti-O’Connor fan, walks up to remind Carrington of the situation. Bradley nods and makes his way to Mack…he lifts the trampoline up and tosses it out of the ring. He deadlifts Mack…it’s difficult…Bradley’s body nearly gives way. However, he is able to get Mack over his shoulder…he then stumbles forward and delivers a weak…yet effective Running Powerslam! The prisoners boo~
Smith: Running Powerslam…Carrington is now just four moves away from being able to pin O’Connor
Hood: That’s a lot of heavy lifting
Smith: Indeed it is…and you just know it’s going to come down to the Last Ride
Hood: That’s how it looks
~Carrington pulls Mack up…he’s regaining his strength. His whereabouts are returning. Mack’s face is bloodied…he tosses Mack into the ropes…Mack stumbles toward them, nearly falling once or twice…he bounces off and runs into Carrington who picks Mack up and with the aid of his momentum is able to drop him with a Tilt-A-Whirl Slam!!! Carrington remains seated on the mat, working his arms back and forth…the heavy lifting is taking its toll~
Smith: He’s three moves away
Hood: I feel like we’ve got some weird ass countdown going on
Smith: Well, we kinda do…I mean Mack is incapacitated…so it’s a matter of time at this point
Hood: If any man can fight back without full use of his faculties…it’s Mack O’Connor
~Carrington fights to his feet…the man is exhausted. He pulls Mack up…as is usual in wrestling matches, for some reason, Mack continues to improve despite eating the power moves Bradley is dishing out. Carrington bends over and sticks his head between Mack’s legs…he powers up…he struggles…he nearly falls face first to the mat…but the power in his legs prevail…he gets Mack up…grabs him by the legs and slings him down with an Alabama Slam!!! Mack’s head bounces off the mat! Carrington places his foot on Mack’s chest and he holds his hand up…he raises one…two…three fingers and looks at Scruff. Scruff shows him THE LIST. Bradley attempts to bribe Scruff…but Scruff is a bum with a code…plus, he doesn’t want to lose the only job he could ever hold down~
Smith: Carrington could have pinned O’Connor a dozen times by this point…such a frustrating match
Hood: Yea, well Mack had the fucker beat before the damn trampoline incident…so, I mean, it works both ways
Smith: Indeed…it certainly does
~Carrington pulls Mack up…he has to drag the former OCW Champion most of the way. They reach the corner and Carrington nearly collapses, breathing heavily…covered in sweat. The hot Louisiana sun burns down. He’s dehydrated…the muscles in his body are strained. He stumbles out of the corner and shoves Mack forward…Mack’s back collides with the buckles. Carrington lifts Mack’s legs up and bends over, placing them on his shoulders…again, he lets his legs do most of the work as he lifts Mack’s frame (getting heavier by the move) up, onto the top buckle. Carrington falls into the corner, his face mashed into the top buckle. He breathes in and out in rapid, hypnotic fashion. He then stands upright and starts to climb. He hooks his arms around Mack’s body and yells out, lifting Mack up and tossing him over his head with a Super Fall Away Slam!!! The ring shakes from the impact!! Mack rolls across the ring, nearly falling out, under the bottom rope. Carrington remains on his back…sweat running down his face, chest, arms…he stares into the bright, blue Louisiana sky~
Smith: That man needs water…he’s about to pass out from dehydration!
Hood: Bleeding heart pussy…you sound like a fucking millennial
Smith: I’m just worried about his well being
Hood: Just let the fucker finish the match, will ya? He’s only got one move left
~Carrington sits up. He knows he’s close…one move and it’ll all be over. One move and he can head into an Air Conditioned environment, drink water…and watch the main event hopeful that the Paradigm Title will truly be his at the end of the night. He gets to his feet…his legs ache with weakness. He hobbles toward Mack…pulling him away from the corner and into the center of the ring. He knees Mack in the gut…O’Connor doubles over…Carrington hooks him for a powerbomb…he LIFTS Mack up! Carrington nearly falls over getting Mack into the powerbomb position…but, he’s not done, he has to extend his arms fully, lifting Mack in the air. Carrington’s body shakes, he breathes in and out…he yells and gives it a try…this could be his one and only chance to muster up the strength and stamina to get it done. He gets Mack nearly up…but his arms give out!! Mack falls behind Carrington!! Mack lands on one knee…he raises up, turns around and drills Carrington from behind with a lariat!!! Carrington falls face first into the mat…Mack lands right next to him, on his back. Both men are drenched with sweat, breathing heavily…beyond exhausted. The prisoners go wild…they stand and stomp their feet, eager to see who’s going to prevail~
Smith: Bradley’s body just gave out! Mack’s weight was too much…the list was too much…I don’t think he can physically perform that Last Ride…
Hood: He has to get Mack on the top rope…he has to…no other alternative is possible
Smith: And Mack…well, despite the fact that he’s probably in need of a neurologist….like, NOW…has to be the favorite at this point…all he has to do is lock in a Figure Four and, well, we all saw how easily Carrington tapped earlier to the Anaconda Vice
Hood: Fuck…yea, you’re right, Bradley be fucked
~Mack starts to slides his body across the mat. He maneuvers himself in a way where his legs are facing Bradley’s. He sits up and grabs Carrington’s legs. He gets to his feet and flips Carrington over…Mack then steps through, rotates…locks both legs and falls back. The Figure Four is locked in!! Carrington writhes in pain…he reaches up, pulling at his hair! Scruff comes running in, asking Carrington if he wants to give it up~
Smith: The match can end…this is the first time tonight where one of these men could be pinned or submitted…Carrington is a tap out away from losing this match!
Hood: Who knew Mack was so smooth at applying a Figure Four?
Smith: Well, to be fair, it’s probably the most recognized submission move in the world
Hood: Always raining on Mack’s parade
~Carrington’s legs are tightened due to numerous cramps stemming from dehydration. Pain shoots through them…he can barely take it. He starts to tap, but stops. He looks over at that Paradigm Title next to Belvedere. He wants it so badly. He refrains from tapping…he starts to wiggle toward the ropes. Mack tries to drag Carrington back toward the middle, but he’s too tired. Carrington, using what little strength he has left in his upper body is able to get to the ropes!! The crowd admires the effort…I mean, come on, even prisoners understand when a guy fights through pain~
Smith: He survived…now he’s got to hit that last ride!
Hood: How the fuck is he going to do that?
Smith: Like we said earlier…get him on the top rope
Hood: Shit, I forgot...fucking heat is giving me amnesia!
~Scruff forces Mack to break…Mack works to untangle his tired legs. He rises to his feet, severely weakened. Carrington manages to get to his feet, as well. Mack reaches for Bradley…Carrington has one thing on his mind…The Last Ride. He dives at Mack’s legs and tries to lift him up…Mack jumps over Carrington…Bradley turns around…Mack catches him and DRILLS him into the mat with Claymore!!! The prisoners go wild!! Mack makes the cover~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings…the prisoners are chanting for the man who gave them booze~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….MACK O’CONNOR!!!!!
Smith: Mack did it…he outlasted Carrington…what a match
Hood: He not only outlasted Carrington…but he outlasted the trampoline from hell
Smith: Indeed he did just that! And now he waits…if TIO wins, Mack is the NEW Paradigm Champion
Hood: And if TIO loses?
Smith: Well, Mack has a date with TIO in a few, short weeks
Hood: So he went through all of that for a SHOT? Fucking hell….CLASSIC OCW, BABY
Smith: Classic OCW indeed…and look, Devin seems to be pleased!
~We are shown Dirty Devin finishing off another PBR. He is fed a SLIM JIM as he cheers for Mack. He says something about making the matches longer…an obviously ploy to put off his impending execution~
Smith: Can’t say I blame Dirty Devin!
Hood: Guy is quite the character…is that electric chair hooked up?
Smith: I think so…but don’t worry, it’s all for show
Hood: Right
Smith: Well…what a night we’ve had so far…Mack O’Connor continues to put forth the argument that he’s the best wrestler in OCW by defeating Bradley Carrington in an incredible match…we’ve still got so much left to go!
Hood: I wish this fucking sun would go down…otherwise, I’m having a blast!
Smith: What a great night of action so far…Hood…I think we can both agree that Stainless Steel Ride…or, well, more precisely the venue has exceeded our expectations
Hood: Ugh…I guess…this heat, that sun…how do people live in this fucking state?
Smith: Nefariously
Hood: If we EVER come back to Louisiana…we definitely need to do so in the winter.
Smith: I’ll pass that along to management. Anyway, I’m told Rebel is on his way to the prison as we speak…his match with Iggy should be taking place shortly…
~We cut to a shot of Rebel atop his bike. He’s cruising down a local, lightly trafficked Louisiana road. “Slow Me Down” by Devin Townsend Band is playing. The wind blows through his bleach blonde hair. He’s got a leather jacket on, jeans, but no helmet. He runs through a red light. He weaves in and out of the few cars that are in his way. He rides along the shoulder at a stop light circumventing the two cars in front of him. He blows through a stop sign and makes a right turn without his blinker~
Smith: He’s almost here!
Hood: Geezus…I hope I’m never on the same highway as Rebel. Fucking guy is lawless!
Smith: It’s Louisiana, there is no law.
Hood: Well, for some
~Rebel reaches the gate. He approaches the booth for people who are paying to park. Two cars are in front of Rebel. He looks around, trying to find a way to usurp the line. Unfortunately there’s fencing all around (for obvious reasons) so he’s stuck. He sighs and adjusts his shades. The car in front of him moves up. Rebel slowly creeps along, taking the newly created space. He looks off in the distance…he’s able to spot the emptied bleachers surrounding the Bird Cage. The Bird Cage is currently being dismantled for the trip back to Key West. While Rebel is watching the scene to his right we see some loose change and a parking pass HURLED from the booth at the driver of the car in front of Rebel. The driver, a normal looking fan, sticks his head out, angrily. He then sees something that scares the color out of his face. His tires spin as he speeds off. A loose piece of gravel hits Rebel in the chest. He turns back around and pulls up. As he does, he lowers his shades to the bridge of his nose, revealing his eyes~
Smith: They should just let Rebel in without charging him, I’d think
Hood: You never know when it comes to this place. But, man, that toll booth operator seems to hate his job.
Smith: It is tedious work for very little pay
Hood: And I bet it’s fucking hot in there as well
~Rebel reaches the booth window and looks at the person manning it. His eyes widen…a giant FIST extends, punching Rebel in the face! It severs his shades in half…they fall to the ground, broken beyond repair. Rebel staggers to the side of his bike. The cars in line behind him all go in reverse, trying to get the hell out of there. The door to the booth is ripped off its hinges...one, lone word flashes on our screen~
~Iggy Hardy steps out, already dressed to compete. Rebel is still reeling from the unexpected blow. Hardy grabs Rebel by the side of the head and drives his skull forward with a head butt!! Rebel falls off his bike. Hardy reaches into the booth and removes rope. On the floor we see the knocked out employee who WAS handling the booth. Iggy ties one end of the rope around Rebel’s legs…he secures the other to the back of the bike. He hops on the seat and revs the engine~
Iggy Hardy: I’M THE FUCKING REBEL!!!
~Iggy takes off in a few short, hiccup like bursts. Rebel remains motionless due to the slack in rope. Finally, Iggy just says “FUCK IT” and goes all the way with the gas. The bike SHOOTS forward full speed…Rebel is yanked along with it, trailing behind. His body drags along the ground as Iggy is yelling and screaming atop the bike. It disappears from view~
Smith: What is going on? Is the match starting now?
Hood: Starting? It’s already started, Smith!
Smith: I don’t see how you can operate a professional operation with someone like Iggy running around…his actions have just screwed up my entire lineup card!
Hood: Boo fucking hoo
Imprisonment Match
Rebel (10-3) vs. Iggy Hardy (10-4)
~Inside the building housing the prison cells scheduled to hold the Savage Match stands Puff and a few guards. To be clear, this is a DIFFERENT building that the one housing the OCW wrestlers. Puff and the guards look around, curiously~
Guard: They should have been here by now…where are they?
~Puff rolls his eyes uttering something about how this isn’t ‘PURE wrestling’. It’s trash wrestling, he complains. A loud ROAR of an engine breaks their concentration. Iggy Hardy, atop the bike with his mullet blowing in the wind is heading right for them. In the background we see Rebel’s body dragging along…he’s got his head covered and is doing whatever he can to prevent injury. The guard and Puff look at one another…they realize Iggy isn’t stopping…they bolt. The bike CRASHES through the doubled glass doors, shattering them to pieces. The bike runs into a wall creating a thick cloud of dust! The wall was thick enough to stop the bike’s momentum…Iggy is flung, head first from the bike, slamming through what remains of the wall after absorbing the bike’s impact. Rebel’s body slides across the slick, marbled floor, slamming against the back tire of the bike…his back nearly jackknifes. He yells with pain, reaching for his back. The entire front area is consumed with dust and smoke~
Smith: Is…is this match already over?
Hood: He just fucked up Rebel’s bike! You see, this is why people should drive cars
Smith: You can’t make a generalization based upon the actions of a singular lunatic
Hood: I just never understood it…you can drive A) a car, with a hood, windows, walls…stuff to protect you from the shit that happens outside. Or you can drive B) a fucking bicycle that, if turned over would probably kill you instantly.
Smith: Is there an option C?
Hood: Only if you’re Amish
~Puff’s corpulent frame emerges…the fat around his waist jiggles as he coughs. One of the guards, used to adverse conditions, waves his hands in the air, trying to clear out the smoke. A long, muscular silhouette sits up…it’s Rebel. He’s holding his back...he nurses it a bit before reaching forward and working on the rope around his feet. A giant “FUCK!” sounds out from the giant hole in the wall. Iggy Hardy LEAPS into view covered in a mishmash of dirt, dust, sheet rock, and whatever else can be found inside a wall. He stands in view…his face is cloaked in white powder…all we can see is his mouth and eyes. The rest of his body is similarly fashioned. He then shakes like a dog, head to two…the dust flees from his skin and disappears into the air~
Smith: Interesting way to clean himself off
Hood: Iggy Hardy is a man of many talents
Smith: It appears he came fully intense for tonight’s match
Hood: Well, this IS Louisiana. I’m not saying he scored any coke but I’m sure meth was easily accessible
~Rebel unfastens the knot and stands. He sees Iggy’s body coming to rest. It stops shaking. Rebel charges at Iggy and SPEARS him back into the hole!! The two men tumble over the front of his bike, through a tiny gap in between and out the other side. The camera man follows through the hole. We enter into the processing area, just outside the cells. Rebel is on top of Iggy punching away at Mr. Pectacular’s head~
Smith: Rebel fighting back…I’m sure that ride was turbulent and unexpected…however, if anyone could deal with it…that someone is REBEL
Hood: I have a feeling they are going to tear that building apart
Smith: It’s been known to happen in these OCW events
Hood: So…one of them has to get locked inside a cell
Smith: Indeed…the first opponent to lock the other inside a prison cell wins…which…they were SUPPOSED to start in the prison cells but Iggy was a little impatient
Hood: Hey, the early bird fucks the prom queen!
Smith: Uh, sure
~Rebel looks to his right…there are a few hard plastic, metal legged chairs. To his left is an archaic computer with WINDOWS 95 atop a shitty desk. Across is a counter with a clipboard. A door is to the back left…it’s thick and windowless. Rebel grabs one of the chairs…Iggy tries to get up but Rebel throws the chair into Iggy’s back!! Iggy yells in pain, arching his back and rolling over. The chair clangs and bounces loudly against the cheap, marbled floor~
Smith: I’m guessing the cells are beyond that thick door
Hood: How would I know? You think I’ve ever been arrested?
Smith: I never thought to ask
Hood: Well the answer is not really
Smith: Not really?!
Hood: Public Intoxication doesn’t count
Smith: If you say so
~Two of the guards enter, trying to get the behemoths into the cell area. They fear for the stability of their work area. Rebel is in the zone, ignoring their request. A round, wiggly object fights through the hole in the wall…it’s PUFF. He’s finally observing the action with a fair amount of disdain dripping off his chin. Rebel grabs the two remaining chairs and sets them up, facing each other. He snares Iggy by the mullet and kicks him in the gut. Rebel hoists Iggy up and THROWS him through the two chairs with a powerbomb!!! The chairs fly apart, bouncing into the walls. Iggy’s back SLAPS against the marbled floor…he screams in pain, kicking his feet against the floor. Rebel continues to survey the area as the guards and Puff are yelling for him to step through the door. A loud BUZZ sounds…the door pops open…a guard pushes it forward, motioning for Rebel to enter~
Smith: These guards sure are nervous…I don’t really see much in there that can’t be replaced
Hood: This is Louisiana…a state funded facility in Louisiana…do you think they’re worried about losing the computer?
Smith: That…that could be it
Hood: I mean it’s shitty and near worthless but, hey, in Louisiana you take what you can get!
~Rebel’s head turns toward the computer work station. The guards GASP. He heads that way and grabs…the CHAIR under the desk. It’s identical to the others. Iggy is trying to get on all fours, having rolled over. Rebel SLAMS the chair on Iggy’s back…the act seems to say “STAY DOWN”. Iggy starts to get up, like a fucking terminator~
Smith: Iggy Hardy might be the toughest wrestler to scheme for in OCW
Hood: Well no shit…the guy is so fucking high and roided up he can’t feel a thing…well, aside from intensity, of course
Smith: Indeed!
~Rebel shakes his head…he can’t keep Iggy down. His head slowly starts to turn towards the computer. The guards tremble with fear. His eyes spot the ancient device. He heads for it. The guards plead with him ‘NO, NO, NO!’ Rebel grabs the way too heavy, way too cumbersome device and RIPS it from the wall. He carries it over to Iggy…who looks up, reaching for Rebel’s leg. Rebel holds the screen high in the air and sends it crashing down onto Iggy’s head!! It shatters everywhere with the back of Iggy’s head stuck in the screen. The guards are furious…one of them yells out ‘You owe us…BIG TIME!’ Rebel reaches into his leather jacket and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. He throws it at the guard…the guard’s eyes light up and he says, “Wow, you must be RICH! All is FORGIVEN!” Rebel removes the jacket and flings it at Puff. Puff barely makes the catch. He then rips the device off the back of Iggy’s head, which is bleeding. He drags Mr. Pectacular through the door, into the cell area~
Smith: This one might be over…I mean, a Windows 95 computer screen to the head…has anybody ever come back from that?
Hood: I heard that’s what killed Steve Jobs
Smith: STOP IT
Hood: Bill Gates finally got him!
Smith: ENOUGH
~Iggy starts to come to. He kicks his legs…Rebel drags him across the floor looking for an opened cell. The guards all point upward, toward the middle of the long, rectangular building. Rebel spots ONE cell with an open door. He shakes his head, it’s a long way away. He continues dragging an increasingly difficult Iggy. Iggy’s eyes start to widen…he grabs at Rebel’s arm…Rebel’s right shoulder dips several times due to Iggy’s constant pulling. He nears the staircase, necessary to ascend to the second, top level. Iggy yells “FUCKING ENOUGH!” and he pops to his feet…side to side with Rebel, both men facing in opposite directions. Rebel is surprised that Iggy got up so fast…Iggy capitalizes on the momentary pause, he hooks Rebel’s head and drops him with a Reverse Neck Breaker~
Smith: You just can’t count Iggy out…he could get hit by an eighteen wheeler and be fine
Hood: No shit, he’d flee the accident before the eighteen wheeler would
Smith: You’re not wrong about that
~Iggy stomps around the first floor. The cells are all emptied…the prisoners are outside enjoying the festivities. A few beds are located in the outer ‘common’ area. Nothing special…types of beds you’d find inside a prison cell or college dorm room. Iggy steps on one and starts to jump atop the mattress like a kid. The guards look on, perplexed. Puff shakes his head. Rebel reaches his feet, holding the back of his head and neck…Iggy gets some decent height on a few of his jumps…he then LEAPS OFF the bed with a cross body onto Rebel!! He nails it! Rebel falls backward, onto the floor with Iggy on top. Iggy’s knees hit the ground hard…he gets to his feet, limping around…he’s trying to cheer, but the bone on cement contact was pretty brutal~
Smith: Iggy Hardy taking to the air like a giant bird
Hood: Is that how ostriches look when they attempt to fly?
Smith: I couldn’t tell you
Hood: And how do you think Ostriches feel over the fact they can’t fly? Are they depressed? Is that why they stick their heads in the sand…out of SHAME?
Smith: Actually, I heard somewhere the head thing is a myth
Hood: Fucking buzzkill…you and your FACTS
~Iggy continues limping around like an old man at a retirement home looking to get his groove on before the Viagra is wasted. And, no, that doesn’t mean Iggy has a boner…just a weird simile. Hardy shakes it off and hobbles toward Rebel. Hardy’s face is clear…but the back of his head and neck are bloodied. He yanks Rebel by the hair and delivers a STRAIGHT right hand into Rebel’s face. Rebel’s legs wobble…he staggers to and fro. Hardy runs him over with a clothesline!! Rebel falls hard against the unforgiving surface. Hardy heads for the bed he was jumping on~
Smith: Are we going to get another BIG impression from Iggy?
Hood: Huh?
Smith: You know, BIG…the popular Tom Hanks movie…the scene where he’s jumping on the bed?
Hood: Was that a scene in the movie or are you thinking of something else?
Smith: I don’t know, maybe I am…it’s been a long day
Hood: Oh well…I couldn’t tell ya…only Tom Hanks movie I ever saw was Joe vs The Volcano
Smith: Wow
~Hardy RIPS the bed sheet off and tosses it to the side. He FLIPS the mattress into the air…it flies out of the picture. He grabs the bed frame…it’s metal with springs in the middle stretching from side to side…lowest grade possible. He lifts the frame over his head…he staggers…his knees wobble…but he gets INTENSE and manages to keep everything straight. Rebel is on all fours…Iggy brings the bed frame crashing DOWN onto Rebel’s back!! He flattens out, onto the metal floor…the bed frame clangs loudly against the floor and bounces a few times before settling on top of Rebel~
Smith: OUCH
Hood: And who says beds are comfortable?
Smith: Well, when used properly most of them are
Hood: The proper way to use a bed is for fucking
Smith: Sometimes beds are used for making love, yes
~Iggy goes for the bed sheet. He makes his way toward the steps…his legs engulf the steps. It’s hard to imagine anyone running them faster. He’s on the second floor…the open cell is nearby. He turns the opposite direction, walking along the metal pathway with a steel railing to prevent someone from accidentally falling to the concrete floor below. He bends at one knee…Rebel is almost directly beneath him. He begins to tie the bed sheet around one of the railing poles. The walkway juts out five or six feet from the row of cells. It hangs over the cells beneath it. The sheet dangles and dances from the second floor walkway. Iggy stands and hustles back toward the steps…Rebel begins to stir~
Smith: What does this man have on his mind?
Hood: Drugs
Smith: No, I mean with that bed sheet
Hood: Is he going to give someone the Aaron Hernandez treatment?
Smith: I’m…sorry…I’m unfamiliar with that reference
Hood: Dude hanged himself via a bed sheet while in his prison cell
Smith: OH MYLANTA!
~Hardy, looking like an eager toddler, flees down the steps, bypassing the final five as he leaps through the air, landing on the ground. He hurries over to Rebel…Rebel has finally crawled out from under the bed frame and continues to grab at his back. Iggy stomps right into his opponent’s back…Rebel yells in response. Iggy picks Rebel up and escorts him toward the steps…the middle of Iggy’s back has a red streak running down it from the blood leaking out of the back of his head. Iggy starts to ascend the steps with Rebel who tries to fight Iggy off, but Iggy just head butts him. They reach the second floor and Hardy drags Rebel toward the bed sheet~
Smith: Oh no…he’s going to try to hang him
Hood: Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do
Smith: You don’t have to hang people!
Hood: Tell that to a hangman!
~Iggy points at the bed sheet and yells “IF YOU DON’T GO IN THE FUCKING CELL I’M GOING TO HANG YOU, OKAY?” Rebel spits at Iggy…Hardy frowns and knees Rebel in the chest…he’s got a handful of Rebel’s hair and pulls him toward the cell. Iggy points into the cell and tries to push Rebel inside…Rebel places his hands around the edge of the entry way, preventing Iggy from forcing him in. Iggy tries harder…Rebel continues to block Hardy’s plans. Iggy yells “FUCK YOU!” He grabs Rebel by the hair and drags him toward the bed sheet~
Smith: And this is what Rebel gets for competing?
Hood: People have been hanged for less, Smith
Smith: That I don’t doubt
~Rebel tries to break loose. Iggy reaches the sheet and tries to hold onto Rebel with one arm…it’s not going to work. Rebel is too big and too strong. Rebel is able to stand fully upright…Iggy’s left hand maintains a grip of Rebel’s hair. Iggy has no choice but to stand with Rebel…his right hand is holding the sheet…Rebel kicks at Iggy’s knees. They are a source of weakness. Iggy staggers…he lets go of Rebel…Rebel charges in with a big boot!! He kicks Iggy right in the head! Iggy topples over the railing and falls all the way to the floor…luckily one of the cheap beds breaks his fall…he slams into it…bounces up, slightly and then falls off, landing with far less force than he could have. It’s still a tough fall, though…on the way down, his grip ripped the bed sheet from the pole~
Smith: What a fall by Iggy…thankfully that bed was there to keep him from sustaining a serious injury
Hood: These fucking beds, man….can’t we just move on
Smith: You really hate beds, don’t you?
Hood: I dig waterbeds…oh yea
Smith: Those are supposed to be awful on your back
Hood: That’s what pain killers are for!
~Walking by the open cell…Rebel has an idea. He shuts the door…he doesn’t lock it…he just slides it near the ‘lock’ point…giving it the appearance that it’s shut. He makes his way down to the first floor. Iggy is groaning, not feeling too good. Is he sobering up? Who knows. Rebel grabs the bed sheet, lying next to Mr. Pectacular and he WRAPS it around Iggy’s throat! Iggy’s legs kick…Rebel pulls Iggy to his feet by cranking back…he then drags Iggy toward the steps. He keeps saying “Choke me? Hang ME? We’ll see about that!” Iggy’s eyes are shut, he’s coughing…he’s not very intense at the moment~
Smith: What’s good for the goose is good for the gander
Hood: Can you speak in something other than fagese?
Smith: Pardon?
Hood: You heard me!
Smith: Quid pro quo…tit for tat…turnabout is fair play…it’s payback time for Iggy!
Hood: Alright, geez, we get it!
~They reach the second floor and Rebel jerks Iggy around…manipulating his position where he’s facing the railing. Rebel kicks the back of Iggy’s weakened knees…Iggy falls on his ass…Rebel wraps the sheet around his right arm…he then delivers a dropkick into Iggy’s back!! Iggy flies off the walkway, under the top of the railing, between two posts and is hanging by the bed sheet. Rebel places his feet on two posts to keep from sliding off…he pulls back, choking the life out of Iggy. Iggy’s feet are about five feet from the ground…the sheet is wrapped tightly around his throat…he kicks his legs and tries to yell…but the noise just gets choked away…it gurgles…a nonsensical bubbling~
Smith: This has gone too far! Somebody get him down!
Hood: Any normal man would probably die in this situation…but Iggy Hardy is not a normal man
Smith: This is bringing back memories of TLS and Ricky Rhodes from Code of Silence
Hood: GREAT MATCH
~Iggy’s body goes limp…he hangs loosely from the bed sheet…the back of which, behind his head, absorbs blood from his head wound. Much like a tired fish at the end of the line, Rebel can feel Iggy’s body stop fighting. He lets go…Iggy falls about five feet, crash landing on the hard, metal surface. It doesn’t do much damage…the more at ease a body is during a collision, the safer the impact. His knees fold, his upper body bends, he crumbles to the side, unconscious. Rebel stands and walks, briskly back toward the steps, descending quickly~
Smith: And Iggy is choked out…can he rebound from this?
Hood: Just depends on how soon that next dosage of cocaine gets into the main line
Smith: Surely you aren’t suggesting he’s used since the match began
Hood: Nah…he’s just got such a buildup in his system there’s a constant influx of reserves waiting to spring into action
~Rebel reaches the ground and grabs Iggy by the long, bloodied portion of his rockin mullet. He hoists Iggy over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and marches back up the stairs. Iggy’s out. Rebel reaches the top of the stairs…and extends his arm toward the cell. Iggy begins to vibrate…his legs shake…he starts to get INTENSE! Like a straw house trying to withstand the big bad wolf…Rebel’s body is about to falter…so, he does what he must…he faces down the metal walkway, parallel to the cell and dives forward, crushing Iggy’s body into the metal walkway with a rolling fireman’s carry slam!!! The wind is knocked right out of Iggy’s lungs…he’s no longer intense~
Smith: Tremendous move by Rebel! That might have put Iggy away for good!
Hood: I’m telling ya…this Rebel guy is going to be OCW Champ one day
Smith: I could EASILY see that happening
Hood: You know, as long as he doesn’t get thrown in jail for unpaid traffic violations
Smith: Greater men have been torn down for less!
~Rebel is quick to his feet…he can sense victory. He snares Iggy and drags him over toward the cell. He picks Iggy up and shoves him into the closed door. Iggy leans against it, for support, unaware that it is THE door to THE cell. Rebel leans in, looking Iggy in the eye…or, well, trying to…Iggy’s eyes are diverted downward, half open. Rebel grips the bars and he flings the door open!!! Without a base to lean against, Iggy’s body tumbles backward, into the cell!~
Smith: All Rebel has to do is slam that door shut and this is over!
Hood: Man, Iggy should have done more blow
Smith: That is terrible advice
Hood: Dude, Iggy’s gonna live to be 145 years old…you just watch. People who use THAT much never die young
~Rebel takes a half second to look down at Iggy. He then turns his focus back on the door, realizing it has to shut. Iggy KIPS up! He’s fully intense! Rebel’s eyes widen…he says “OH SHIT” and flings the door to the left! Iggy charges forward…his body gets WEDGED in between the wall and the door!! He YELLS….he ROARS! Rebel punches Iggy in the face while keeping the pressure of the door on Iggy’s body! Iggy tries to fight out of the cell, struggling with every muscle in his roided up body~
Smith: Can Rebel shove Iggy back inside that cell?
Hood: I don’t know, he’s like a fucking rhino
Smith: I can see that
Hood: A rhino on ROIDS
Smith: Yea, okay
~Rebel gives it everything he’s got…Iggy manages to places one hand against the wall…another against the side of the cell door…he then SCREAMS and pushes his arms out…Rebel is unable to combat the enhanced strength of Mr. Pectacular. Iggy, with one, big, final push is able to break Rebel’s grip on the door and shove it all the way open. Rebel grabs his arm in pain. Iggy reaches out and snares Rebel by the neck…he pulls him in the cell, tossing him against the back wall~
Smith: And this…well…this is not good. Stuck in a prison cell with Iggy Hardy
Hood: It could be worse
Smith: And how is that?
Hood: He could be watching that new Transformers movie
Smith: That movie does look awful…what the heck, Anthony Hopkins?
Hood: Payday!
~Iggy throws a multitude of body shots into Rebel’s abdomen and ribs. Rebel bends over, gasping for air. Iggy hooks Rebel’s head between his legs and turns around, creating room for his finisher, The Purifier (Canadian Destroyer). Rebel has this scouted out…he struggles to get free. He stands…he’s got Iggy draped down his back, holding onto Iggy’s legs…he slings Iggy toward the ground with an Alabama Slam…Iggy grabs Rebel’s head…both men are impacted greatly by the move…one via the Alabama Slam…the other taking the brunt of a DDT into the prison floor. They remain down~
Smith: Great counter by Rebel followed by a much needed move of desperation from Iggy
Hood: No shit…Rebel hits that Alabama Slam cleanly…it’s over
Smith: As it stands…Iggy could get up before Rebel and win this match
Hood: All he needs right now is for something to piss him off
~Rebel starts to move…a little blood can be seen forming at the top of his head from the DDT. He seems alright, otherwise. He looks toward the door…victory is only a few feet away. He stands…behind him, Iggy pops up! Rebel feels Iggy rising behind him and sighs with annoyance. He turns around and ducks a lariat from Iggy. Iggy’s momentum takes him near the door! Rebel reaches out, grabbing Iggy by the hair…yanking him away from the door. Iggy turns around and Rebel knees him in the gut…Hardy doubles over…Rebel lifts his leg up, going for the Rabble Rouser (Fameasser)~
Smith: C’mon, Rebel…drill him into the ground…you’ve got this!
Hood: Seriously? You hate Iggy that much?
Smith: He’s a terrible role model
~Iggy stands upright, catching Rebel in the powerbomb position…Rebel punches Iggy in the head. He rips at the cut in the back of Iggy’s head. Iggy staggers near the door…he drops Rebel…Rebel backs up…he begins to load his momentum for a Big Boot…Before he can, however, he is DRILLED in the face with a Superkick from Iggy!!! Rebel’s body slams into the back wall of the cell. Iggy then turns around and sprints out of the cell…he slams the door shut and continues sprinting down the metal walkway. We hear a bell sound~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….IGGY HARDY!!!!!
Smith: Iggy Hardy did it! I’m not his biggest fan…but, wow, he earned that one
Hood: The hell is he going?
Smith: I don’t know?
~Belvedere’s announcement rings through the prison PA system. Iggy sprints down the steps, chugging along. He’s yelling and breathing heavily…he sprints through the first floor…toward the hole in the wall…he barrels through the hole and disappears, sprinting off into the distance~
Smith: Iggy Hardy, everybody
Hood: One of a kind!
~Rebel slams his fists against the bars of the cell. After a few seconds, his cell inexplicably unlocks, he pushes the door, mystified, and slowly walks out the door, check left and right in the halls, sure there's nobody there. He heads down the stairs and through the hole in the wall. He looks down at his ruined bike. He sighs and steps through the shattered glass doors. He enters a portion of the prison yard, grasping his gut from battle. Suddenly, the floodlights in the yard all cut out, and from somewhere, the strains of "Vigil" by Lamb of God, are playing out. When the lights come back on and the music stops, Rebel is surrounded by 5 men, dressed in identical black leather trenchcoats, there is little variation in their physical appearance, they are all, at least, the same size as Rebel. Rebel has stopped dead, and looks calmly over his shoulder to confirm the situation.
~Rebel shrugs his shoulders, and dashes for the biggest of the men as quickly as his body will allow, however, given his injuries, this isn't very fast. He gets a clean punch on the guy, which rocks him backwards, but no sooner has he made contact, than the other 4 are on top of him, pounding him into the dirt. The men decide to stop beating Rebel into the ground, and instead, drag him off towards a nearby doorway, as they approach the door, they toss him hard on the ground, he gets up, blood starting to spill from his mouth, but he can barely keep his feet. At this moment, Andreas Morse walks out the door, Rebels eyes widen as he approaches, and grabs him in position for a T-Bone suplex, which he completes by slamming Rebel back first into the edge of the door frame. Morse is immediately back on his feet, he stands for a moment, before dragging Rebel up off the ground by his hair, and hitting a Heart Punch that sends him sprawling across the ground, where he lies, motionless. He turns to the cameras, flanked by his men~
Morse: This is a sign of what awaits OCW in the coming months and years. Rebel thought he had the strength and ability to keep me down, to keep my name off the lips of audiences the world over, and look at him now. Look at your wannabe chmpion now, was it worth the wait?
~Morse stomps Rebel in the back as he lies on the ground~
Morse: Another thing, which ends today, is the use of a name, that has no meaning, a name that has long gone from the world. This Morse name, the name Rebel likes to throw around to keep my memory down, the help you forget the name of the one, true, lord of destruction. Morse is dead, long live Deathmask, back from the dead, back to continue my reign of pure terror, this time, on OCW and all the unsuspecting victims who line its halls. This is the beginning of your winter of discontent, a winter without end, without remorse. Try all you like to prepare, this is the end.
~Morse kicks Rebel yet again, and leaves him flat on the ground, a small pool of blood has formed next to his face~
Smith: What a horrid act…this Morse guy…he’s been troubling Rebel for months and now he strikes during the darkest hour of Rebel’s OCW career
Hood: Smart guy!
Smith: It’s disgusting…absolutely disgusting!
Hood: To the victor goes the spoils and to the losers goes…
Smith: It doesn’t matter…Rebel was oh-so close. He’ll get back! But, in the meantime, we move on…two matches left on this ground breaking afternoon in Southern Louisiana. Before we get to the Ascension Championship…we have a tremendous…INCREDIBLE announcement to make regarding the Hall of Fame!
Hood: Ohhhhh shit!
Newest OCW Hall of Fame Inductee - The Incredible One
Induction Ceremony to take place NEXT Monday at Massacre
Alice Knight - 61
Mack O'Connor - 61
Bob Grenier - 56
Chad Vargas - 56
Jin Royal - 47
PerZag - 43
Slim Shady - 34
Everlast - 34
Top Dog - 34
Hood: Yep, congrats to the mother fucker…well deserved!
Smith: Alright…we’re down to two matches and, well, since the OCW Title ALWAYS headlines these shows…I’m gonna assume the Ascension Title is next…our last match inside the dreaded prison arena
Hood: Let’s get to it!
~We cut a scene we’ve probably memorized by this point in the show. PRISON ROW. It’s likely the last time we’ll see it on OCW programming so take it in, viewers! A guard is marching down with the list in his hands…all the names are removed, save one. He reads it and calls out~
Guard: Damian K’…you’re up!
~The arms of OCW’s Ascension champion extend beyond his door. Cuffs are applied…the gate swings open and K’ emerges with his shiny, metallic symbol of achievement wrapped securely around his waist. He’s led down prison row as we cut back to the arena~
Smith: Alright Hood, I think we’re set for a groundbreaking match…the Retrieve the Belt Match!
Hood: Shit, I do that every morning…I reach into my closet and grab a belt, not that fucking difficult
Smith: Try doing that with a ton of prisoners around you
Hood: When I was young I used to think monsters lived in my closet…does that count?
Smith: No
Hood: It was pretty fucking scary, let me tell you.
~”Indestructible” by Disturbed hits. The fans immediately boo. The curtain is still…it suddenly rips apart as Robbie Rayder bursts through…he sprints down the black carpet, across the dirt and leaps under the bottom rope, sliding toward the middle of the ring. He pops to his feet and points into the sky. The fans boo and chant for Rayder to ‘FUCK OFF!’ He ignores the chant and focuses on his title match~
Retrieve the Belt Match
Damian K’ © (8-1) vs. Robbie ‘Aire’ Rayder (6-4)
Belevedere: The following match is a Retrieve the Belt Match! The belt will be tossed INTO the crowd and the first competitor to retrieve it and return to the ring with it in their grasp will be the winner! Introducing first, from Vancouver, British Columbia…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 195lbs…Robbie ‘Aire’ Rayder!!!
~”Numb” by Gary Clark Jr hits…the crowd gives a strong ovation to the Ascension Champion. He appears in cuffs…the cheers increase…HE’S ONE OF THEIR OWN. He’s lead into the ring by a guard. Once inside, the cuffs are removed~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Red Bay, Newfoundland, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 256lbs…he is the OCW Ascension Champion…Damian K’!!!!
Smith: At our last big event Damian debuted by winning the Oh Shit Contract. He would later cash it in on Annie Alvarez claiming the Ascension Championship.
Hood: Guy is legit…but this is his first singles match on a CLASSIC OCW stage…so we’ll see how he fares
Smith: Indeed!
~Damian removes the Ascension Title and hands it to Scruff. Scruff exits the ring and walks over to the crowd. He HEAVES the belt as high as he can…it doesn’t make it over the Plexiglas. Instead, it falls and hits the dirt. The crowd boos…’WEAK ASS TOSS’ they yell! Scruff waves Belvedere over. Together they pick up the title…they sway back and forth and count to three…they HEAVE it into the air…it barely clears the top of the Plexiglas, clipping the edge and spinning downward. The prisoners fight over it, a brawl ensues. Scruff shrugs and heads back to the ring…Belvedere lets out a “Good heavens” and hurries away, not wanting to be near such feral beasts~
Smith: And that, my friends, is what Damian and Robbie are going to have to contend with if they want to win this match
Hood: No shit…they are going to get ripped limb from limb if they go into that crowd
Smith: I don’t think OCW management thought this one through
Hood: Fuckin aye…we’ve only got one match after this…I think I’ve earned a beer. So I’m gonna sit back and watch the horror unfold!
~The glass is pounded with bodies, flesh, fists…the prisoners are assaulting one another with a vicious passion rarely seen. Damian and Robbie watch, neither sure how to begin~
Smith: So, do they go straight for the crowd?
Hood: Would YOU?
Smith: No
Hood: Same here…I’d wait and see if maybe they got bored
Smith: I don’t think that’s going to happen…they sit in a prison cell all day
~The title is SMACKED against the glass. It’s easily visible with the plate facing the ring. One prisoner has it pinned against the glass while another tries to rip it away. Rayder bolts for the ropes. Damian takes off after him. Rayder LEAPS over the top rope and lands on his feet, kicking up a cloud of dust. He sprints toward the glass. Damian flies through the ropes in pursuit. Rayder reaches the glass and leaps up, reaching for the top of the glass…he’s got tremendous spring in his legs and is able to grasp the top with his fingers. He clings to the edge, trying not to fall. The title is suddenly removed from the glass…the person holding it gets decked in the face. A splatter of blood hits the glass as the prisoner is knocked out. Damian grabs Rayder’s legs from the ground. Rayder tries to kick him away but has no leverage~
Smith: Precarious position for Rayder…that would be a painful fall
Hood: Yea, if Damian just yanks his legs out Rayder would fall flat on his face
Smith: It could really do some damage to his facial features
Hood: Seriously? Damage? They’re fucked up as it is…no further harm CAN be done
~It appears as though Damian is going to do exactly what Hood mentioned. Rayder can sense this as well. So, he lets go and falls on Damian’s shoulders. Damian drops to one knee from the unexpected added weight. Rayder tries to hop off, but Damian grabs onto Rayder’s legs, keeping him in position. Damian rises back to a standing position…Rayder throws a few defensive punches into the top of Damian’s head…Damian then falls backward and drops Rayder onto the dirt with an Electric Chair!! Rayder hits with that sickening thud we’ve already heard SO OFTEN this afternoon and he gasps for air. Damian sits up and catches a quick breath~
Smith: While not the most desirable outcome…it was better than the alternative for Robbie Rayder
Hood: No shit…match would have been over if Damian had yanks his legs out
Smith: Indeed
Hood: Or, well, kinda over…Damian would still have had to get that belt and, man, I don’t know of anyone who could get into that crowd, beat up all those prisoners AND return with the belt
Smith: Neither do…
Hood: Oh, wait, yes I do…I know one man who could do it…Scott Syren!
Smith: Oh please!
~Damian returns to his feet and walks up to the Plexiglas…he tries to find the title…he can’t locate it. All he sees are fists and feet flying as prisoners try to obtain the coveted treasure. Damian leans his back against the wall and stares into the dimming sky. He breathes heavily, unsure of what to do~
Smith: This is a unique match…probably the most unique match I’ve ever called…Damian, a veteran in this business…has no idea how to proceed
Hood: No shit…like he just laid Rayder out…but he can’t pin the fucker. He’s got to get that title…but how does he do that…he can’t just jump in there, they’ll kick his ass!
Smith: Indeed…can this match even be won?
Hood: Fuck no, we’re gonna be here all night. Might as well tell Meyhu and TIO to get some sleep
~Damian surveys the landscape. He spots the ruptured portion of the Plexiglas from the tag match – courtesy of Mississippi Mud. It’s held together by taped cardboard, cheap wood, and aggressive security guards standing watch. Rayder begins to move…K’ focuses back on his opponent. He snares a handful of hair, pulling Rayder to his feet. He shoves Rayder and throws a kick at Rayder’s ribs…Robbie catches the leg! Damian hops on one leg…Rayder throws a few super quick kicks underneath Damian’s knee…he winces with each one…Rayder throws Damian’s leg down and leaps into the air with an enziguri!!! It SMACKS Damian in the head…he staggers to the side, falling to one knee. The crowd boos the crap out of Rayder. He doesn’t seem to mind, popping back to his feet and hurrying toward the bloodied Plexiglas, searching for the title~
Smith: Nice offense by Rayder…I get the feeling we won’t see much ‘in ring’ action in this contest
Hood: Thank goodness…I hate the ring…it gets in the way, you know?
Smith: Hood, the ring is the FOCAL point of a wrestling match
Hood: More like a limitation with its fucking ropes and posts
Smith: So you’re saying you’d like to watch basketball without a court?
Hood: Okay, now you’re talking crazy!
~Rayder spots the title…it’s being fought over by two wild inmates. He sprints toward the ring…he looks under the ring and finds one of the small ladders. He tries looking for a taller ladder but fears the title may disappear back into the seat of humanity. He hurries back to the crowd and sets the ladder up…he climbs and jumps, clutching the top of the Plexiglas. He pulls his body up…his stomach is resting on the top edge of the Plexiglas. He spots the title…however, something terrible happens. The inmates all reach up and try to grab him. It isn’t a ‘friendly’ grab either…the looks in their eyes tell the story…they mean to rip him apart. Rayder instantly pushes back to the safe side of the Plexiglas…he drops down, onto the ground, next to the ladder…landing safely on the dirt. Much like Damian…he takes a moment to ponder the situation he’s in~
Smith: Yea, those fans aren’t going to welcome Robbie with open arms
Hood: More like closed fists and bared teeth!
Smith: Indeed…this is a puzzle both men are going to have to solve
Hood: Or, well, just say fuck it and call it a draw…do battle on Monday inside that cumbersome ring
Smith: A wrestling ring is not cumbersome!
~Rayder, ignoring the ladder, continues to survey the madness behind the glass. The title is now being tossed around as each prisoner who obtains it gets severely pummeled…so they hurl it into the air to avoid further punishment. Rayder suddenly gets pummeled from the right. Damian throws the tiny ladder at him, nailing Rayder in the right shoulder!! He staggers to the right and turns around, out of instinct. Damian charges in, dropping Rayder to the dirt with a huge lariat. Damian stomps Rayder down, angry over the kick he suffered earlier~
Smith: I know Damian isn’t happy about Rayder kicking him…however, that level of aggression, this early in the match…could it be that he’s frustrated with the stipulation?
Hood: Maybe…not to mention the condition that fucking belt will be in if he ever does get it back
Smith: Indeed…I’d hate to know what’s being done to it
Hood: Bodily fluids…germs leading to viruses you’ve never heard of…AIDS, most likely
Smith: We might need to have some bleach handy down at ringside in case that title does make it out of the crowd
~Damian ceases with the stomps. Rayder is resilient…he struggles back to his feet I spite of the punishment. Damian shakes his head, knowing Rayder is asking for more. Damian charges in and nearly takes Rayder’s head off with a Yakuza Kick!!! Rayder turns inside out and lands recklessly into the dirt!! The crowd goes wild with chants of “DAMIAN!” filling the arena. Damian grabs the tiny ladder and he throws it down, on top of Rayder…it hits and clangs loudly. Damian turns his focus onto the crowd, searching for the belt~
Smith: Rayder might be knocked out…that kick…which Damian calls Das Boot! Is downright lethal
Hood: So Rayder is dead?
Smith: Okay, not LITERALLY
Hood: You and your words, seriously man…you’re more dramatic than a day time soap!
~K’ follows the Plexiglas, peering through. He sees the crowd’s mannerisms pick up pace to his left. So, he heads that way. He stops, catching a gleam of gold from the fading sunlight. He knocks on the glass. A few of the prisoners stop and spot him…they yell out “DAMIAN! YEA!” Damian nods and rushes over, grabbing the ladder on top of Rayder. He sets it near the side and makes the short climb. He jumps up, snaring the edge of the Plexiglas. He climbs over and drops into the crowd. The prisoners part, giving him space. The title is nearby…it’s in the grasp of an average looking guy – as far as prisoners are concerned. Damian looks at it. A few of the prisoners give him a pat on the back. One says “We’re pulling for ya, champ!” Damian nods…the others around him agree~
Smith: Hmm, it appears Damian K’ might achieve what was once considered impossible
Hood: Sit through all of the Transformers movies in one sitting without alcohol or suicide?
Smith: NO! Retrieve the Ascension Championship!
Hood: Oh, fuck yea…those prisoners obviously have excellent taste in wrestlers
~Damian casually reaches out, thinking they’re on good terms and he pulls on the Ascension belt. The prisoner is perplexed. He pulls back. K’ kind of smiles, tilts his head as if to say “Alright, jokes over, give me the belt.” He tugs a little harder…the prisoner pulls back a little harder. Damian finally isn’t screwing around…he yanks the belt free from the prisoner and stands still, for a moment. The prisoners around him devolve. They go from happy to enraged - enraged that he’s taking something from them. Like a pack of pitbulls…they turn! Damian senses the impending beat down and he turns toward the Plexiglas and leaps up, trying to grab the top with his one free hand (the other is holding the belt) But, he can’t. He starts to get pummeled from behind. Damian swings wildly with the belt, drilling as many prisoners as he can. It’s a good reprieve, for a moment…but eventually the prisoners begin to overtake him~
Smith: Oh no…this is terrible…they may seriously injure the Ascension Champion!
Hood: Fucking prisoners just turned…I guess Robin Hood had it right all along
Smith: How’s that?
Hood: Steal from the Rich and give to the poor…you can’t steal from the poor…I mean, for starters, they don’t have much to steal but the shit they do have…you’re probably better off letting them keep
Smith: Interestingly accurate observation
~K’ is in serious trouble. He stops swinging the title and, instead, is in protection mode. The prisoners throw kicks and punches at him. Thankfully, there aren’t any really large, Stonewall Jackson type prisoners around. However, despite his size advantage it won’t be long before they are pounding him into the ground. Something taps him on the top of the head…he looks up…it’s Rayder!!! Robbie’s bruised face is looking down with his arm extended. Damian locks arms but can’t get enough leverage…he’s got to let go of the title. Rayder asks for Damian to toss it up to him~
Smith: Oh wow…talk about a decision
Hood: No shit…he tosses that belt up, Rayder will just run to the ring with it
Smith: We don’t know that for sure…Rayder is a good man…a man of his word, I bet he’ll honor the unspoken agreement
Hood: He’d better not…like, seriously, why should Rayder give a shit about Damian K’? Just win the fucking belt!
Smith: Because Rayder is a good person…which is more than I can say for you!
~Damian is split, fifty-fifty. He curses and goes to toss the belt up…but, he took too long! A prisoner jumps on his back, causing his toss to misfire! The belt soars out of Rayder’s reach and lands in the sea of prisoners. They go rabid over it, fighting like starving dogs over a bone. Damian isn’t relieved from his onslaught either…he continues to get pounded upon. Rayder’s offer still stands…his arm is outstretched. Damian takes a vicious barrage of kicks into the back, he SLAMS face first into the Plexiglas. His body is wedged against it…the prisoners seek to overtake him. He reaches up in desperation and connects with Rayder’s arm…he raises his second arm to secure the connection. Rayder, using all the strength he has in those giant arms is able to give Damian enough momentum to start a climb against the wall~
Smith: C’mon, Robbie…get him out of there!
Hood: Dude’s about to be eaten alive…NOT LITERALLY
Smith: Thanks for the clarification
Hood: Although, I don’t know…these are supposed to be awful prisoners…might have a cannibal or two out there
Smith: I’d hope they’d remain locked up during an event like this
Hood: Maybe in Texas…but definitely not in Louisiana
~Damian kicks their hands off his legs as he’s eye level with Rayder. He gets his leg up and is able to climb OVER the Plexiglas to the safe side. Both Rayder and Damian are now standing atop the skinniest ledge imaginable created by the off centered connection of Plexiglas to a standard, concrete partition. Rayder looks at Damian to see if he’s okay. Damian nods and pats Rayder on the back with a genuine ‘thanks’. Damian then hooks Rayder by the neck and jumps off the tiny ledge with a Russian Leg Sweep into the dirt!!! Rayder grabs his neck in pain…Damian winces from the impact but sits up, fighting through the discomfort. The crowd…the ones who are watching and weren’t trying to maul Damian go crazy with cheers~
Smith: That was so disappointing
Hood: What are you talking about? He’s a winner…he’s here for one goal, to leave with that belt…fuck making friends
Smith: Rayder may have just saved his life…LITERALLY
Hood: Yea, that was then…this is now…what have you done for me lately? Oh yea, that’s right, Rayder is standing in the middle of his path toward victory! Turn the page, Smith…turn the fucking page
~Part of the gold plate flashes amidst the frenzied crowd like an SOS signal. Damian sees it consistently moving toward the busted Plexiglas currently covered by cardboard and cheap wood. He heads that way. He pushes the guards apart, standing in front of the covered hole…he reaches up and RIPS the cardboard and wood loose, tossing it to the dirt. The giant gap created by Stonewall Jackson is reopened. Prisoners try to force their way out, but guards spray and beat them back. Damian stands idly by, waiting for the title to ‘surf’ its way within reach~
Smith: This…well…this has dangerous potential
Hood: This entire match has dangerous potential….WEAK ASS BOOKING
Smith: Indeed…hopefully he can snare that belt before any prisoners spill out…my goodness I can’t believe what I just said was relevant match dialogue
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY
~The title gets closer…Damian can almost reach in and grab it. The guards are still fighting with the prisoners…Damian is reaching OVER the guards, waiting for the belt. It’s suddenly within grasp…he lunges forward and snares part of the strap…however, these prisoners aren’t bitches. They won’t let go of this title without a fight so they pull back…Damian uses his other hand, clutching the strap with both hands…he pulls…but the army of prisoners pull back…Damian’s body is slowly pulled into the crowd, over the backs of the guards~
Smith: Okay, Damian’s going to die
Hood: At least it will be a glorious death inside…or well, kind of inside the arena!
Smith: This isn’t gladiator
Hood: Tell that to these wild ass fans!
~Damian finds himself in the crowd…he throws kicks and fists to get the prisoners off him. He manages to plant his feet into the ground with the belt in his grasp. Much like before…he swings it wildly at the crazed prisoners. He drills a few…most stand back, waiting for an opportunity to dive at him. K’ pauses, breathing heavily…the prisoners start to close in…the guards are fucking useless, standing around to merely keep the prisoners from entering the arena. Damian is poised, ready to fight them off…suddenly, a purple blur flies into view~
Smith: It’s Rayder!!
Hood: The hell?
Smith: He’s going to help Damian and bring that title BACK into the arena
Hood: This guy just doesn’t want to win the belt, does he?
Smith: He CAN’T win it if the belt doesn’t get retrieved
Hood: Yea, but if Damian gets beaten to death I’d assume Rayder would win by default
~Rayder takes out a few prisoners with a dropkick. He used the backs of a few guards as a launch pad!! He pops to his feet…Damian looks at him…Rayder doesn’t appear pleased with Damian’s actions, but is cognizant of the ultimate goal. He nods at Damian…Damian nods back…Damian HURLS the belt into the Arena. The prisoners converge…Rayder and Damian go back-to-back and start to punch and kick the prisoners away…the rest of the crowd goes wild~
Smith: Damian K’ and Robbie Rayder are working together to keep the prisoners from destroying them
Hood: At least they got that belt out of there
Smith: Indeed…now, if they can subdue the surge of angry prisoners long enough, they should be able to re-enter the arena
Hood: Fucking guards are useless
Smith: Well, they are state employees
Hood: Ouch
~Rayder throws kicks…forearms…he throws a mule kick…it drills a prisoner in the gut, sending him flying backwards…the impact tackles several prisoners like bowling pins. K’, meanwhile, is throwing vicious forearms and punches…striking the hell out of the prisoners. He delivers a ROARING ELBOW that sends a prisoner flying…and, much like the prisoner Rayder mule kicked…this prisoner flies into the convicts behind him, taking them all down…this opens a window of opportunity. Both Rayder and K’ jump OUT of the crowd and over the guards, landing onto the arena dirt surface. The fans suddenly turn on them…they see the belt, they see the two wrestlers are safe…they feel cheated~
Smith: This crowd is turning nasty
Hood: No shit…you don’t steal from prisoners
Smith: A nothing to lose kinda thing?
Hood: Exactly…they are fucking dangerous man, just leave them the fuck alone
~Rayder jumps farther than Damian…he nails the landing…dude is agile. He goes right after the belt, picking it up in a seamless motion. K’ sees Rayder sprinting for the ring…he charges after him. Meanwhile, the prisoners try to pour out of the hole. The guards continue to beat them back but this time…the situation looks to escalate beyond control~
Smith: Rayder could win it right here!
Hood: I hope so…those prisoners are about to consume the arena and kill everyone inside
Smith: Indeed…if Rayder doesn’t win it here…then I think you might be correct
Hood: But, shit, K’ is catching up to him…long ass stride
~As he nears the ring, Rayder begins to slow, counting his steps to ensure a quick entry…in doing so, this allows K’ to make up a lot of ground. Rayder tosses the belt at the apron, it slides into the ring. He’s only a few feet away…he jumps up, trying to slide feet first into the ring, under the bottom rope…K’, however, reaches out and snags his hair!! He pulls back and SNAPS Rayder into the ground, just outside the ring…the back of Rayder’s head hits hard~
Smith: OUCH…that does not bode well for Robbie
Hood: No shit…the belt is just chilling in the ring…now someone has to get in there and grab it, right?
Smith: Indeed…they must possess the belt inside the ring to become the winner
Hood: Well, we’re a hell of a lot closer now than we were a few minutes ago
Smith: No doubt about that!
~Damian marches for the apron, stepping up with one leg. He brings his other leg up and looks over the top rope at the title sitting oh so vulnerably in the center of the ring. The prisoners are raucous. The Plexiglas walls are shaking as the prisoners beat, pound and kick to try and break free…they’ve had enough. The noise is all anyone can hear in the arena. Damian looks around…Rome is about to burn, the towers are about to fall…it’s going to come crashing down at any minute. He steps through the ropes. Rayder kips up! He turns around and grabs Damian’s left leg, before he can slide it through. Damian tries to kick him off…the little gnat that he is, but can’t. Rayder secures Damian’s foot with both hands and drops to the ground! This hyperextends Damian’s knee! He steps back through the ropes, clutching at his left knee. Rayder returns to his feet and jumps, flat footed from the ground, onto the apron~
Smith: Rayder’s not out of this…he wants that title as much as he’s wanted anything that doesn’t coincide with a sweet tooth
Hood: Guy loves his Candy…LITERALLY
Smith: Indeed!
~Rayder tries to sneak through while Damian is tending to his knee. Damian doesn’t let that fly. He reaches over with his right hand and delivers an open handed strike, wobbling Rayder. The two men are facing each other, on the apron. Damian steps completely out of the ring…both men are on equal footing. Rayder, holding onto the top rope, steps up and kicks Damian in the side of the head!! His foot CRACKS against the head of Damian…Damian wobbles…he leans back, holding onto the rope. Robbie, again, tries to enter, but Damian grabs him by the hair and drills him with a forearm! Rayder stumbles back, nearly falling backward, off the apron and into the ring steps…he holds onto the middle rope, leaning far back before regaining control of his balance~
Smith: The first big move either of these men hit is going to result in victory and, well, it had better come soon
Hood: No shit…this place is about to blow
Smith: Look…you can see OCW personnel are already dispersing…Belvedere might want to do the same
Hood: Oh man, I don’t think we could replace Belvedere…he’s got the voice of an angel!
Smith: A mustachioed angel!
~Damian moves to enter…but Rayder straightens up. He’s got no time. Rayder charges in with a knee…Damian blocks it…Damian throws a haymaker…Rayder ducks, dodging the game ending blow. He then lifts a HUGE knee under Damian’s chin!! Damian is dazed…he’s about to fall over…Rayder leaps up and wraps his legs around Damian’s head for a hurricanrana…Damian jumps off the apron and twists in the air, facing the ring. He SLAMS Rayder into the apron with a powerbomb!!! Rayder’s back SMACKS into the edge of the apron…he tumbles and falls into the dirt. Damian staggers back…he hears a crack…he sees the Plexiglas bending, creasing…breaking. He wobbles toward the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope…he crawls for the title and snares it…the bell rings!~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND STILL OCW ASCENSION CHAMPION…DAMIAN K’!!!!!
Smith: Damian did it! He successfully retained his title against a very game Rayder
Hood: Yea, but now he’s about to die
Smith: Get out of there…everybody!
~Belvedere and Scruff haul ass. Nobody is left….the guards have abandoned their post. The ‘hole’ in the wall has been breached, prisoners are leaping into the arena. Other areas are collapsing…prisoners are jumping over the warped barrier, onto the arena dirt. Damian is about to leave…he hops out of the ring but stops…he turns and sees Rayder, on the ground. He pauses…~
Smith: He needs to help him!
Hood: Fuck that shit…Rayder is so small the prisoners probably won’t even notice him
Smith: He’ll get trampled!
Hood: Well, that’s what happens when you lose
Smith: This ISN’T the Roman Colosseum
Hood: You sure about that?
~Damian curses…he secures the belt around his waist and hurries for Rayder. He lifts the injured opponent to his feet. Rayder tries to fight him…Damian points out the situation…prisoners are flooding in from all sides. He points toward the exit…it’s still open, but prisoners are beginning to drop down onto the Plexiglas tunnel. Rayder nods and Damian helps him get started…together the two OCW competitors make a run for it, exiting the Arena before it comes down. Prisoners fill the ring and begin destroying it. The Plexiglas is all but demolished. Dirty Devin is screaming from his chair for “MORE!”~
Smith: Total anarchy has taken hold of this arena...but thankfully, both Rayder and Damian are okay
Hood: I guess Damian is a believer in paying shit forward…or well, returning the favor…fuck if I know…I’ve never been an expert on helping other people
Smith: He’s just a decent human being…nothing more, nothing less
Hood: Ugh
Smith: Well…before that venue is completely demolished…let’s swing it to Who’Re who is with Dirty Devin to get his thoughts on the show thus far!
~We cut to Who’Re…she’s next to Dirty Devin…he’s belching. He eyes her loose cleavage. The prison guards around her are nervous…they need to get moving~
Who’Re: Dirty Devin…how have you been enjoying the action so far?
Dirty Devin McKnight: Wahoo! This here is the greatest night of my life! One more match to go and it’s going to be the best thing I’ve ever witnessed. I can’t wait to go to my grave knowing who the new OCW Champion is!
Who’Re: And this commotion…it’s pretty, well unruly
Dirty Devin McKnight: Yep, my boys are having one hell of a time. Say, how about you let ole Dirty Devin get a feel of them titties?
~The request throws Who’Re off…she chuckles nervously, trying to tighten up her loose cleavage~
Who’Re: Dirty…we are…well we’re live…why don’t you give me your prediction on the main event?
Dirty Devin McKnight: I’ll give you my prediction as soon as you let me lick on one of them titties!
~He flicks his disgustingly long tongue out at Who’Re. She shrieks and stumbles back…her ass hits a nearby switch. There’s a loud SHOCK…the power flickers…Who’Re SCREAMS and runs away with the female guards. We cut to a black screen…the following image is shown~
R.I.P. "Dirty" Devin McKnight
~We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Hmm
Hood: So much for Dirty Devin’s prediction…but, hey, the whore actually did something useful!
Smith: For anyone who is concerned, I’m told Who’Re is safe and sound and currently seeing an on hand psychologist
Hood: Really? We’ve got one of those
Smith: Yes, the Knife Man
Hood: OF COURSE
Smith: Well Hood…it’s TIME
Hood: RAYDER TIME?
Smith: No…we…we just saw that match like ten minutes ago
Hood: Oh, scuse me…RAIDER TIME?
Smith: No, that’s still several months away…and when did you become a Raiders fan?
Hood: Since they relocated to Las Vegas
Smith: Still a few years off, my friend
Hood: Who cares! I’m already on board! I bet Matt Meyhu is as well!
Smith: Hell of a transition, pal! Because it is TIME for the OCW Championship
Hood: FUCK YES
Smith: Alice Knight defeated Bob Grenier and PerZag in February to win the legendary championship. MJ Bell dethroned Alice at Like There’s No Tomorrow to ascend her name into elite company as a two time OCW Champion. Then…PerZag shocked MJ Bell to finally win ‘the big one’.
Hood: That is certainly a nice, Disney-like spin you put on the 2017 OCW Title picture, guy. The way I look at it is this…Alice was fucking PICKED over two superior talents as the champion of 2017. She then fucked up and got injured, screwing the belt over…MJ being the beneficiary. MJ then fucked up and choked against Zag…who had a, what, two week run as champ before dropping the title? 2017 has been an awful year for the OCW Title
Smith: There are two sides to every coin
Hood: Unless you’re Harvey Dent!
Smith: Indeed…tonight could right those wrongs…The Incredible One and Matt Meyhu will do battle in an Escape the Prison Match…the winner will carry the company into the summer.
Hood: All night we’ve been stuck inside this shit hole…about time someone set us free
Smith: I couldn’t have said it any better…let’s head down to the prison courtyard where this match will take place…no rules, no DQ…the first man to escape the prison fence will be declared the champion…the wait is over…here we go!
OCW Championship
Escape the Prison Match
The Incredible One © (13-0) vs. “The Marvel” Matt Meyhu © (12-0)
~An armored vehicle drives into view. The sun is fading…it’s not quite setting, but we aren’t far away. There is only so much light remaining. It’s still bright though…clear view…just getting into that limited amount of daylight time of, umm, day. The vehicle stops…there’s a field…there’s a basketball court…there’s a weightlifting area. The fence is several hundred yards away from all the ‘amenities’. It’s high with barbed wire running along the top. Near the amenities is a long, old structure with barred windows. It must be some type of containment facility for the prisoners to hang out and/or live in. The ground is hard, rocky. The ‘man made’ surface is skin ripping concrete. The vehicle pulls up near the building and parks with the back facing the amenities, the field and the fence. The back doors open…we spot a couple of tired, worn out individuals…they are our two top contenders. TIO and Meyhu. Both men’s wrists and ankles are cuffed~
Smith: I’m told OCW did everything in their power to replenish each man’s energy supply during their down time. IV’s were used…vitamins were downed…juice was offered, carbs, food, salt…whatever was necessary to build them back up for this…this dangerous match.
Hood: Yea, they look tired…but I know…I just know once that bell rings they are going to be fueled by adrenaline
Smith: All the more reason they needed replenishment…the adrenaline will blow right through all the body’s natural warning signs…bringing a person dangerously close to exhaustion
Hood: In my opinion…the OCW Title is so important the loser should die trying to win it
Smith: Uhh, I don’t quite share that opinion
~TIO is pulled out first. He extends his hands…the cuffs are removed. He remains motionless as the guard bends over and removes the cuffs around his ankles. The crowd around the prison starts up a ‘TIO’ chant~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the MAIN EVENT of STAINLESS STEEL RIDE!
~The crowd goes WILD! TIO is instantly bouncing with energy. He hops around on his feet, rotating his head around…he’s fired up…you can tell this is the night he’s thought about for the better part of three years~
Belvedere: INTRODUCING FIRST…from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 235lbs…he is the OCW Paradigm Champion…he is…THE INCREDIBLE ONE!!!
~The fans surrounding the prison give a HUGE ovation. A gigantic “T! I! O!” chant fills the Louisiana sky. TIO can feel the energy…he flexes his muscles and yells out “LET’S GO! LET’S FUCKING GO!” Meyhu emerges, slowly and with the kind of confidence a person is born with. He stands a few feet away from TIO, watching his fired up opponent. The fans around the prison start to boo~
Belvedere: AND…his opponent…from…
~Before Belvedere can finish…and, more importantly, before Meyhu can be uncuffed, TIO rushes in and bashes The Marvel in the head with a double axe handle!!! Meyhu staggers back, falling into the grass due to the inability to properly move his legs. TIO kicks him in the chest! Meyhu falls into the hardened grass. TIO stomps Meyhu down…he stomps over and over and over again…Meyhu is incapable of putting up a defense. The guards try to pull TIO away, but he throws them down. He’s possessed!! TIO continues to stomp Meyhu…the crowd is going insane…”TIO!” chants get louder and louder, reaching into the sky. TIO finally stops, noticing Meyhu has quit wiggling around. He throws his arms into the air and yells “TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT!” The crowd responds with a loud, resounding “YES!”~
Smith: Typically I would disapprove of such methods…attacking your opponent while he’s in cuffs…but, given the situation, I’d say it’s deserved!
Hood: Deserved?! HOW?
Smith: Because Meyhu is a JERK
Hood: Meyhu has done NOTHING. I don’t get the hate, seriously. The guy signs with OCW…shows up, wins and he’s suddenly some kind of bad guy…like, what the fuck did he do? Whose wife did he sodomize?
Smith: Uhh…I…I couldn’t tell you
~The guards shove their way between TIO and Meyhu. TIO stands back…he puts his hands in the air, giving them room to operate. They remove the cuffs around Meyhu’s legs and toss them to the side. TIO bends over and grabs the cuffs. They remove the cuffs around Meyhu’s arms and toss them to the side. TIO bends over and grabs those cuffs as well. He looks down at the pair of cuffs and slides both hands in between the two ‘cuff’ portions of the restrictive apparatuses. He places his hands behind him and watches on as the guards help Meyhu to his feet~
Smith: Interesting strategy by TIO…taking advantage of his surroundings!
Hood: Fucking serious? You’re in FAVOR of what he’s about to do? I seem to remember you nearly committing suicide when he used brass knuckles on Vargas back in February
Smith: That was different
Hood: It wasn’t ANY different!
~Meyhu is finally standing, shaking off the pounding he took seconds earlier. TIO calmly barrels through the guards surrounding Meyhu by using his shoulders. They back away. Over the loud speakers we finally hear a simulated bell go “DING! DING!” the crowd erupts! TIO releases his hands and throws an overreaching right hand into the side of Meyhu’s head!! He staggers back, against the opened area of the armored truck. He’s woozy…his eyes are dancing. That punch packed way more power than he expected~
Smith: And we are officially underway!
Hood: TIO is CHEATING…how has this man changed…honestly, tell me?
Smith: He’s a father now
Hood: That’s so vague. He’s still cheating…beating people up before the match, using the steel equivalent to brass knuckles…the man is still an incredible douche!
Smith: I disagree…there’s something about him, he’s better now
Hood: You’re just saying that because the people like him…fucking weak minded follower
~The guards look on, worried about Meyhu. They aren’t, like, in love with the guy or anything (who knows, maybe they are…I’M NOT ONE TO JUDGE)…but they feel responsible for his predicament given the fact they allowed TIO to attack him before the cuffs were removed. Scruff finally appears…he orders them all to leave…the match has started, anything goes. They start to disperse. TIO walks up to Meyhu and he DRILLS him in the stomach with a right hand. Meyhu falls to his knees, clutching his abdomen, coughing. TIO brings a massive downward punch into the back of Meyhu’s neck!! Meyhu falls to the hardened ground, rolling around…he grasps as the back of his neck and yells “Geezus, fuck!” he’s in tremendous pain. A door opens~
Smith: That punch could have done some major damage to Meyhu’s neck
Hood: No shit…I haven’t seen Meyhu in that much pain EVER
Smith: TIO is so close to attaining the title he’s wanted for over three years…the man will do whatever it takes to finish the job
Hood: I’m just worried Meyhu may not ever get out of the starting gate, ya know? This feels like one of those fights where one guy lands an early blow and the other fighter never recovers
Smith: Could be…that’s the risk you run in competitive fighting, brawling, wrestling, etc
~The driver of the armored car is about to get in and drive off. TIO grabs the man’s left shoulder and pins him to the seat. The man looks at TIO with frightened eyes. TIO shakes his head ‘no’ and extends his hand…we see red marks on his palm from the cuffs, which are still stuck, tightly around his hand. The guard, shakily, reaches over and drops the set of keys into TIO’s hand. TIO steps aside…the shitty guard hops out of the vehicle and makes a run for it. TIO tosses the keys on the floor in front of the driver’s seat and he heads back for Meyhu. Matt is leaning against the opened containment area, staring at the metal floor, coughing. He senses TIO coming around…he reaches over, grabs the door to his left and shoves it, violently out…it SLAMS into TIO’s face!!! TIO falls to the ground due to the unexpected force! He holds his face in pain, cursing under his breath. The fans start to boo~
Smith: Dang it…I can’t stand that man…but that was a smart move
Hood: It’s the instincts, Smith…the man is a world class talent with uncanny instincts…that’s why he’s the best in the business
Smith: We’ll see about that when this match comes to an end
Hood: You’re damn right about that!
~Meyhu stands upright, still coughing. He feels the back of his neck…a pretty sizable bump is beginning to rise. The shots he took from TIO are taking their toll. He walks around the back of the armored vehicle. He slams the left door shut and stands over TIO, who is trying to sit up. Meyhu helps him…he grabs TIO’s head and swiftly drops him with an Evenflow DDT!! TIO’s head is driven into the hardened summer dirt. Meyhu looks down at TIO’s hands and becomes furious~
Smith: I think The Marvel is realizing those punches weren’t, well, natural
Hood: Fucking guy is like the walking wounded right now…and we’re still early in the match
Smith: Yea…a hit like that to the back of the neck can do more damage than you’d think…extremely sensitive part of the body
Hood: But, if anybody can survive the damage and win a match of this magnitude…it’s The Marvel
Smith: He cer…
Hood: AND Bifford
Smith: OH COME ON
~He rips the cuffs off both hands…each removal rips some skin along with it, causing the sides of TIO’s hands, around the knuckle, to bleed. Meyhu tosses one pair far away, into the grass. He takes the other pair and wraps his fingers around the ‘circle’. He allows the rest of the cuff to hang loosely from his hand. He stands back, waiting for TIO to get up. He nudges TIO with his foot, to get him moving…TIO starts to stir. Meyhu yells “GET UP!” TIO gets on all fours…Meyhu kicks at TIO’s head in an arrogant manner. This fires TIO up…he gets to his feet…Meyhu reaches back and swings the cuffs…the loose end SLAPS TIO in the face!! “AH SHIT!!!” TIO yells, grabbing the left side of his face and falling to one knee. Meyhu raises his hand and brings it down, SLAPPING the cuff into TIO’s left shoulder!! TIO falls to the ground, on all fours. Meyhu begins whipping TIO in the back with the cuffs…each whip leaves a short, quick red slash. A few start to bleed…TIO yells after every lash~
Smith: I’m obviously hoping for a TIO win tonight
Hood: Yea, no shit
Smith: But you have to wonder if this isn’t karma for the way he treated Mia Stone 3 years ago
Hood: Oh, good fucking call! See, Meyhu is a hero! Standing up AGAINST racism!
Smith: Yea, I guess that loose argument could be made.
~The arrogant Matt Meyhu flings the cuffs into the grass. He pulls TIO to his feet…in doing so, we see a large slash on TIO’s left cheek from the cuff lash. Streaks of blood start to slide down his face. He SPITS in Meyhu’s face. Meyhu responds with a knee into TIO’s gut! TIO doubles over…Meyhu hits him with a forearm shot…he turns and looks to his left, at the armored vehicle. He HOISTS TIO up for a powerbomb…walks to the back of the vehicle and stands in front of the right, opened door. He DRILLS TIO into the back of the armored vehicle…TIO’s back THUDS against the unforgiving surface. Meyhu slides TIO back until his head hits the side of the bench the prisoners sit on while being transported. Meyhu then SLAMS the right door shut and turns toward the fence. He spots it and says, “Ah, there we go.” He starts to journey toward freedom~
Smith: Do those doors lock?
Hood: Shit, I don’t know…if they do, that’s it
Smith: Indeed…I mean, he may not get up from that powerbomb but, still…what a terrible way to end the match
Hood: Eh, I’ve seen worse
~Meyhu rubs the back of his neck – it’s continues to bother him. He walks past the courts…all that stands in between The Marvel and victory is a field and a fence. He begins to whistle. Our view shifts, giving us his front…behind we see the armored vehicle. The back doors are kicked open. TIO, with the bottom, left half of his face bloody, spots Meyhu strolling toward victory. He can’t catch him…not on foot, at least. He hops out and staggers around the vehicle, climbing into the cab. The engine fires up…Meyhu stops. The vehicle’s tires spin…it springs toward Meyhu, in reverse! The Marvel slowly turns around…he spots immediate death heading his way…he tumbles out of its path. The vehicle continues screaming forward until it SLAMS into the fence!! The fence bends, but doesn’t break!! It spits the vehicle back, showing tremendous support. The armored truck comes to a stop, near the fence with smoke filtering out underneath. Meyhu looks up, a bit shaken. He sees TIO hunched over the wheel~
Smith: TIO almost won! Had that truck broken through we’d have a new champ
Hood: Oh, so attempted vehicular homicide is OKAY in your opinion
Smith: He wasn’t really trying to run Meyhu over
Hood: He damn sure wasn’t trying to dodge him, either
~Meyhu reaches the vehicle…he inspects the fence behind it. He can’t find any opening…at least, nothing worth widening or climbing through. He looks up…it’s a high fence…he sees the wiring and feels around his chest and stomach realizing an attempted climb OVER the fence will slice him up. The driver’s door opens. Meyhu shakes his head. He heads over to his opponent, pulling him out of the vehicle. TIO is dazed, bewildered. He stumbles into Meyhu. This act creates a sense of ease within The Marvel…TIO takes advantage…he palms the left side of Meyhu’s head and SLAMS the right side into the armored vehicle!! Meyhu falls to one knee…TIO grabs Meyhu by the hair and begins to drag him BACK toward the common area~
Smith: Where is he going? You can’t win the match over there!
Hood: Guy is fucking concussed…he took Blast from the Past earlier…he just had some kind of weird ass car wreck…he has no idea where he’s heading
Smith: You might be right…what a horrifying development
Hood: Even worse…two white guys are heading for a prison yard basketball court!
~A crowd begins to gather around the impacted portion of the fence. Mostly fans…a few wrestlers are spotted amongst the fans. They aren’t bugged for autographs…everyone is intently focused on what’s going on. CJ O’Donnell is lingering around, keeping an eye on the proceedings…he leans against the fence with his fingers hanging though a couple of loops. He spits at the ground, watching with a keen eye. A giant presence is moving around to the far left of the armored vehicle. It’s NOT PRESIDENT DEAN. Skytz has left his side, talking to some hopefully eighteen year old girls. NPD comes to a stop and folds his arms, watching the action amongst the people. TIO steps onto the court with a hand full of Meyhu’s hair. Meyhu tries to fight away…but TIO grips the back of his neck!! This nearly paralyzes Meyhu…who falls to his knees, wincing in pain~
Smith: We’ve got quite the crowd standing by…this match means as much as any in OCW history
Hood: Fuck yea it does…and Meyhu’s got to compete with an injured neck…woe is me!
Smith: The price you pay for competing in OCW
Hood: You’re something else
~TIO yanks Meyhu back to his feet…he drags him toward one of the goals. TIO stands on one side of the pole…Meyhu faces the other…TIO grabs Meyhu’s arms…one on each side of the pole…he then yanks forward!! Meyhu’s body SLAMS into the pole!! TIO repeats the action…he does it again and again and again until Meyhu’s legs give out. TIO releases Meyhu’s arms…the wrestling star falls to the ground, exhausted~
Smith: Innovatively brutal offense by The Incredible One
Hood: These are the tools you have at your disposal…nobody is more adept at using them then TIO…he’s been doing it since his first ‘big’ match in OCW at Resurrection against Brianna Casablancas
Smith: The man is a winner, no doubt about it
Hood: Yes…but he’s not a marvel
~TIO stares at the concrete court. An idea spasms in his eyes. He grabs Meyhu and drags him onto the court…he knees him in the gut and hooks The Marvel’s head between his legs…the fans around the prison rise with suspense~
Smith: No way…not…
Hood: You’re Incredible Fucked on the concrete!
Smith: With that neck…this could shelf Meyhu for months!
~He HOISTS Meyhu up….Matt realizes what’s about to happen. He reaches up and grabs the chained net of the goal. He pulls up and snares the rim…TIO loses his grip and stumbles forward. Meyhu shows tremendous strength in his arms…he rotates his hands around, turning his body to where it’s facing TIO. TIO turns around and Meyhu swings off the rim…he hooks his legs around TIO’s head and tosses him across the court with a hurricanrana!! CJ’s head shoots back from shock as we’re given a shot of the fans. NPD nods with pleasure. TIO’s body SLIDES across the court, a red streak starts to form halfway through the slide. Meyhu manages to come out of the move unharmed. He sits up, looking at his knees and elbow…he then reaches for and rubs the back of his neck~
Smith: I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Meyhu pull off a move like that!
Hood: Desperate times, Smith
Smith: He is one heck of an athlete…that’s for sure. I hope TIO is okay…that court seems to have scratched his back up
Hood: Hey, maybe he had a really bad itch and it’s taken care of now
Smith: Not funny
~TIO sits up, gingerly. He feels around his back…we get a good look…the skin is all ripped up and scraped away…it’s red with arbitrary parts bleeding. He reaches back and touches it…wincing as though it were a really bad sunburn. Meyhu turns around and sees the wound. He stands up…a man on a mission. He zeroes in on the target and KICKS TIO in the back…TIO screams in pain. Meyhu drops to a knee and rubs it into the scrape…TIO yells and kicks his feet, paralyzed with pain. Meyhu’s leg turns red from TIO’s blood. Once he’s had enough fun torturing TIO…he grabs the sides of TIO’s head and yanks back…TIO’s head CRACKS against the cement. His body goes limp…the crowd outside the fencing gasps. CJ chuckles, shaking his head, impressed. NPD takes a seat, relieved~
Smith: What is CJ laughing at? How about you hop that fence and go through what these two are experiencing, tough guy!
Hood: Geezus, chill out. Trust me, CJ would go through this if he had the opportunity. I just think as, potentially the next in line, he’s enjoying watching these two tear each other apart
Smith: But…what about The Aptitude?
Hood: All is well in the Aptitude, trust me on that. They are just having a few friendly jousts over some gold
Smith: FRIENDLY JOUSTS
~Meyhu spots a ball…he yells at Scruff. Scruff tosses him the ball with a surprisingly sharp chest pass. Meyhu acts like he’s going to bounce the ball off TIO’s head. The fans boo…he bounces off the court instead saying, “Nah, don’t want to chase it down.” He turns around and spots up for a three pointer…he looks at Scruff. “Hundred bucks says I drill this.” Scruff shrugs~
Smith: Gambling? At a time like this?
Hood: The man has a problem
Smith: His arrogance could cost him
Hood: No way, TIO is probably in a coma right now
~Meyhu takes the shot…it hits the side of the rim, rolls around a few times and then dances at the front of the rim for a moment or two before falling off. Scruff smiles…he can eat for a MONTH on a hundred dollars. Meyhu grabs the ball and punts it far away. He goes back after TIO. He lifts TIO up…it takes a good deal of strength…all 235lbs of TIO are acting as ‘dead weight’. Meyhu gets TIO over his shoulder…TIO’s legs hang down Meyhu’s chest with his arms dangling from behind. Meyhu, carrying TIO like a giant sack of wheat, reaches the work out station. There is a bench press close by. He heads that way and stands over the bench press…he then flings TIO onto it with an Alabama Slam!!! TIO’s body breaks the bench in half! The crowd gasps as the barbell nearly rolls off the rack and onto TIO. Meyhu just watches, casually~
Smith: This is too much…TIO is finished. I hate to say it…but TIO can’t beat Meyhu
Hood: NOBODY can beat Meyhu
Smith: Meyhu is the best we’ve got…plain and simple. Hopefully he can gain what’s rightfully his before this goes any further
Hood: Now you’re talking!
~Meyhu snares the barbell…some pussy must have been using it last. Only one 25lb weight on each side. Holding it with one hand…the barbell on the wrong side of gravity slides off and slams into the concrete. Meyhu slides the other weight off and casts the barbell aside. TIO’s body shakes…he rolls onto his stomach and tries to crawl…he’s physically broken. Meyhu stands over him with the barbell and looks down. TIO reaches for Meyhu’s boots – an act of desperation. Meyhu simply laughs…he has no compassion for the man at his feet~
Smith: Don’t do it, Meyhu! This is going WAY too far
Hood: We might be seeing the end of TIO
Smith: There’s no way he comes back from this…that WILL kill him
Hood: Better men have died for less, Smith! At least it will be a memorable way to go out!
~There isn’t much life in TIO. His face falls to the ground, burying into the top of Meyhu’s boot. He looks up, faintly. Something in the distance catches his eye. A small strand of life rejuvenates within The Incredible One. Our view shifts toward the fence…standing near the Armored Vehicle is TIO’s daughter, Jenna. Standing beside her is Leslie, her mother and behind them the protective, giant visage of Knux. TIO’s face wrinkles with emotion. It then contorts due to anger. He gets to his knees. Meyhu cocks a half smile, not realizing what’s going on. He brings the weight down with both hands…all of his might…TIO gets to his feet and reaches up, GRABBING Meyhu’s arms and bringing the weight to a halt, mid-air. The crowd goes wild. TIO and Meyhu are locked in an intense stare down…TIO’s eyes are almost IGGY intense…Meyhu’s eyes are wide with surprise. TIO’s rush of paternal strength starts to overpower Meyhu’s natural, physical advantage~
Smith: C’mon TIO! Nothing is stronger than the love a parent has for their children
Hood: The fuck is this shit…days of our fucking lives…get that brat outta here!
Smith: Don’t you talk about her like that!
Hood: Oh fuck you
~TIO is able to pull Meyhu’s hands apart…the weight falls behind The Marvel, rolling through the grass before settling a safe distance away. TIO brings Meyhu’s arms to his waist and then DRILLS Meyhu with a headbutt!! Meyhu shakes his head, stunned. TIO head butts him again…Meyhu’s head wobbles. TIO head butts him a third time…Meyhu staggers…TIO head butts him three consecutive times in rapid fashion…Meyhu is about to fall over…TIO kicks him, grabs his head and drops him with a Swinging Neck Breaker!! Meyhu’s body shakes from impact…he reaches for his neck…pain shoots through his entire body. TIO falls over, on his side, breathing heavily~
Smith: Brutal…absolutely brutal…the trauma these two men are dragging one another through is too much
Hood: I don’t think it is
Smith: Is it worth it?
Hood: Fuck existentialism…these men are fighters giving it their all to achieve the primary goal in the profession
~TIO sits up…he looks to his left…Meyhu remains down. TIO slowly reaches his feet…he stumbles side to side. He looks up, finding his family. He makes his way toward the fence. The fans are rabid…they are cheering him on…the sound seems to give him direction, drawing him toward his goal. CJ continues to watch with intrigue. NPD is pissed. TIO is nearing the armored vehicle…he pauses, resting on the hood~
Smith: Hurry up, TIO!
Hood: What is NOT President Dean doing out there…
Smith: Watching the match, like everybody else
Hood: He’s up to something…that mustache, something funny about it
Smith: That’s because it’s FAKE…we all know who NOT President Dean REALLY is…and that man is NO fan of TIO
~TIO slides his upper body off the hood and he turns, facing his family, who are near the fence. Jenna is pleading with her dad to hurry up. The crowd gasps. Meyhu sits up in the background, coming to. They urge TIO to find a way out while he has the time. TIO stumbles for and reaches the fence, looking for his daughter. NPD darts in the way…he removes the mask and mustache…it’s PRESIDENT DEAN. He shakes his head saying “Not tonight, sucka.” TIO staggers, falling back on his ass. Dean tries to climb over…but Knux steps up, grabbing his foot and yanking him down. Dean puts the mask and mustache back on, acting all innocent. The faceless men start to creep forward…fans shriek, scared by their appearance. NPD takes off, running through the crowd with the faceless men giving chase. Knux hands something to Jenna…she steps forward, reaching through the fence~
Smith: Dean is here! Or, well, he was here!
Hood: Well now that Welsh is gone I guess he feels safe
Smith: Yea, funny timing, isn’t it…a giant, mysterious figure abducts Welsh and then DEAN shows up
Hood: Life is full of coincidences!
Smith: Yea, I guess so
~TIO sits up, he reaches for his daughters hand and accepts a gift. She backs away. TIO looks down…wire cutters~
Smith: Oh my gosh…WIRE CUTTERS…all he’s got to do is apply a few snips to the fence and he’s a free man!
Hood: And our OCW Champion…shit fuck…this is terrible
Smith: I think he’s earned it, don’t you?
Hood: No way…he’s become too big of a pussy to be OCW Champion
~The crowd is clapping their hands, urging TIO on. CJ leans back against the fence, several feet away, watching. TIO gets to one knee. Meyhu reaches his feet, off in the distance. The crowd is getting antsy…they chant for TIO to hurry…to get up…some point at Meyhu, who is now approaching, slowly. TIO stands…the crowd cheers and then waves him forward yelling “HURRY! HURRY!” TIO looks down at his daughter, who is pleading through her eyes. He reaches the fence and reaches forward with the cutters. They fumble around in his hands…he nearly drops them. But, finally secures the tool…he snips one strand of wire. He slowly reaches for another, snipping it. This is going to take longer than expected. The fans urge him to speed it up…but TIO’s head is swimming…he’s unable to focus~
Smith: Oh man…c’mon, TIO…hurry up! Meyhu is gonna catch you!
Hood: Wow, I can see why it didn’t work out with that wife of his…not much of a handy man…guy can’t even use wire cutters!
Smith: He’s concussed, Hood!
Hood: Oh cry me a fucking river
~He snips another wire…and another. He reaches for the next wire, forming some sort of pattern…he stops…a giant arm wraps itself around his throat…it belongs to Meyhu. The fans yell and scream. Jenna turns and hides her face in her mother’s arms. Knux escorts them away from the violence. TIO drops the wire cutters into the grass. Meyhu drags TIO away from the fence, towards the front of the vehicle. He yells in TIO’s face, “You can’t beat me! You couldn’t then and you can’t now!” He then swiftly drops him onto the hardened ground with the Ego Trip!!! TIO is face down. Meyhu reaches for the back of his neck in pain, rolling around…he fights through, reaching for the front bumper…it provides leverage to reach his feet. Meyhu stares at the top of the fence and, more importantly, the barbed wiring. He makes his way toward the back of the vehicle~
Smith: He doesn’t know those wire cutters are out there
Hood: Somebody needs to tell him!
Smith: Oh hush!
Hood: Don’t you hush me you fucking queer
~Meyhu looks for a breach from the vehicles impact. There’s a few areas at the bottom that have been pulled out of the ground, but nothing he can crawl under. He is able to force one of the back doors open…he climbs inside, looking around. He spots a few prisoner’s outfits folded up, near the back of the cab. He grabs them and exits…making his way back toward the front of the vehicle. TIO is still face down. Meyhu rubs his boot into the cuts on TIO’s back from the court. The fans booo loudly…TIO squirms a bit, but remains down. Meyhu painfully climbs on the front hood and then heads for the top of the vehicle~
Smith: That’s pretty smart…he’s gonna use those outfits to shield his body from the wiring
Hood: THE WIRE CUTTERS, MEYHU, THE WIRE CUTTERS
Smith: He can’t hear you and NOBODY is going to tell him…not in that crowd anyway
Hood: CJ, open you’re fucking mouth
Smith: Nope, CJ’s just fine where he is
Hood: Where is DEAN? We need Dean back out here…he’d tell him!
Smith: Luckily that man and his plan to RUIN this match have been chased away
~Meyhu reaches the top. The sun is beginning to set. Light is running out. He staggers toward the back of the vehicle and extends his arms, securing his hands around some of the chained links. He shakes the fence, testing the security. He nods, finding it acceptable. He grabs the two prisoners uniforms and tosses them up…they successfully catch across the top of the fence, around the barbed wiring. He takes in a deep breath, places both hands on the fence and propels forward…his feet find footing and he’s on the fence, ready to climb. The fans start to boo…Meyhu ascends the fence, slowly with the sun setting in the back ground`
Smith: If he can get over the barbed wire then, well, I’d say this one is over
Hood: He’s The Marvel…the barbed wire needs to be worried about Meyhu!
Smith: That’s ridiculous
Hood: I bet his shredded physique cuts right through the wiring!
Smith: If that happens, then I will personally hand him the title
~Meyhu nears the top…the fans are losing faith in TIO. Our view shifts to outside the fence. TIO’s family re-emerges, looking on. His feet are visible on the ground, extending beyond the front, left tire. They slowly disappear. Hope rises. Meyhu reaches the top and starts to work with the clothing, creating a big enough ‘safe space’ to crawl over. The crowd goes wild!! TIO staggers out from behind the front of the car, heading back toward the spot where he dropped the wire cutters. Meyhu stops for a moment, looking down…it’s of no concern to him. He continues working with the clothing…it’s caught in the wiring, making it hard to manipulate~
Smith: He’s up! And Meyhu has no idea about those wire cutters
Hood: Ah shit…NOW I can see Meyhu losing
Smith: It’s a real possibility…c’mon, TIO…you can do this…this is the moment you’ve been fighting for…working toward!
~The wiring shreds the fabric. Meyhu reaches the top and starts to try to go over, using the fabric for protection…however, every time he does he gets pricked by the wiring. He soon realizes throwing his entire body over could result in a terrible injury. He remains on the fence, placing his forehead against the chained link wondering what to do next. Meanwhile, at the bottom, TIO locates the wire cutters in the grass…he reaches forward and begins snipping at the wiring…much faster than before. The crowd is urging him on. Meyhu’s brow wrinkles…he can’t understand why they are so excited…if he can’t get over how can…he looks down~
Smith: And I think NOW Meyhu realizes why the fans are so excited
Hood: He’d better do something, quick!
Smith: TIO needs to cut through that fence before Meyhu can get down
~For the first time Meyhu consciously fears losing. He starts to scale down. TIO snips a few more wires and drops the cutters…he then carefully removes a giant, semi-circle of fencing. He tosses it aside, revealing a human sized ‘mouse hole’ at the bottom. Jenna jumps up and down with excitement as Knux leans forward, cheering TIO on. Leslie stands back, more composed. TIO drops to his knees, he starts to crawl. Jenna breaks free, rushing to her father~
Smith: Yes! Yes! He’s gonna break free and embrace his daughter!
Hood: I’m gonna be fucking SICK
Smith: What a moment! There can be happy endings in OCW!
Hood: So not classic OCW
~TIO’s head and shoulders struggle through…Jenna stands in front, arms extended. TIO is about to get through…suddenly, he gets YANKED back through the fence!! Jenna lunges forward, trying to grab his arms…but she’s too late…MEYHU is standing up with TIO’s legs under his arms, dragging the Paradigm Champ back inside the prison. The fans boo…they throw stuff at the fence. CJ shakes his head, genuinely surprised. TIO rolls over and kicks Meyhu away. He gets to his feet and throws a punch at Meyhu’s head…The Marvel blocks it and punches TIO. TIO staggers back…Meyhu hits him again and again…TIO wobbles, about to topple over…but he reaches down…down deep, finding a source of energy…a source of inspiration~
Smith: Gut wrenching…heart breaking…but…but…he’s not out of this yet!
Hood: The fuck is he gonna do? He can’t win a slugfest against The Marvel?
Smith: Not the old TIO…but the new TIO…perhaps
~TIO yells…he fires up. Meyhu looks around, wondering how TIO hasn’t fallen. He throws a haymaker…TIO blocks it and retaliates with several rights and lefts!! He’s got Meyhu on his heels…The Marvel is about to fall. The fans are going crazy! “TIO! TIO!” they yell. The man is relentless!
Smith: Finish him off, TIO!
Hood: This night sucks
~Meyhu manages to block a right hand. He follows up with a clothesline…TIO ducks! TIO grabs the back of Meyhu’s head and goes for an inverted RKO!! But, Meyhu blocks it…he twists TIO around, hooks him and DRILLS him into the dirt with another Ego Trip!! The fans boo…Jenna can’t watch anymore, turning away, into her mother Leslie. Meyhu stumbles for the hole in the fence. He drops to his knees. He sits there for a moment. He’d better hurry! TIO’s body moves, slightly. Meyhu gets on all fours…he crawls, slowly…he reaches the hole. Can he make it? He gets caught in the wiring, slightly. TIO tries to sit up…but he falls back over. Meyhu makes it through the hole, escaping the prison! The bell rings~
Smith: NOOOOOO
Hood: JUSTICE PREVAILS…Finally…an OCW Champion we can be proud of…FINALLY the champion we deserve
~Smith throws his headset down, beyond disappointed. Belvedere’s voice booms through the loudspeakers. The sun has set, it’s dark…a spotlight shines on Meyhu~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….AND THE NEW OCW CHAMPION…“THE MARVEL” MATT MEYHU!!!!!
~The crowd is overcome with emotion…the negative kind. They were ALL IN on a TIO victory. He was so close…the fans are heartbroken. Meyhu leans against the fence, exhausted. He reaches for the back of his neck…it’s severely traumatized, possibly injured~
Hood: Well since my colleague is pouting like a little bitch…let me just say that we have witnessed one of the greatest OCW Title victories in HISTORY…fucking yes! Matt Meyhu is the new Mr. OCW!
~It’s as though Meyhu can hear Hood. He spots a teenage fan nearby wearing a Scott Syren t-shirt. He reaches forward and rips it down the middle, severing the image of the OCW legend. Meyhu points at himself indicating he’s the new standard~
Smith: Alright, I’m back…sorry for that everybody…I was just so hoping we’d see, well, something not dark…something far from grim…but, there he is…the new standard in OCW…The Marvel…Matt Meyhu
~CJ approaches, clapping. He bumps into Scruff, who is trying to deliver the OCW Title. CJ rips it away and says “I’ll give it to my brother!” He stands over Meyhu and helps The Marvel to his feet~
Smith: Oh get him out of here! Doesn’t he have a monkey to look after?
Hood: He’s here to congratulate his brother! Relax…it’s all good!
~Meyhu tries to take the belt. CJ knocks his arms down and tells Meyhu to take a bow…he says he’ll put it on for him. Meyhu is exhausted, so he just goes with it. On the other side of the fence we see TIO’s family standing over the new Hall of Famer while The Knife Man inspects his eyes with a mini flash light. His knife does a bit of lawn maintenance, waving around, slicing blades of grass~
Smith: Alright, CJ…fine…go ahead and INSERT yourself into this moment
Hood: Hey, the man has been an integral part of this group and I think he’s the glue that brings them back together.
~Meyhu’s back is to CJ as he continues to recover, anticipating CJ putting the title around his waist. CJ looks at the title…it’s folded up. He smiles and DRILLS Meyhu in the back of the neck with the title!! Meyhu’s legs give out! He falls into the grass, holding the back of his neck in pain…he writhes around. CJ drops the title and gets on top of Meyhu, turning him over and beats him in the face with fists~
Smith: What the? Hey, look, I’m not Meyhu fan but this is ridiculous!
Hood: CJ is making a statement…he’s next!
Smith: He could have done this at Massacre…not now…not when Meyhu is in such a state of disrepair.
~CJ stands over Meyhu and removes his shades. We see the two black eyes from his match earlier in the evening with Curt. He yells at Meyhu, “I’M NEXT! THAT’S MY BELT!” The spot light on CJ and Meyhu disappears~
Smith: What the…
Hood: Did they cut the lights out on us? I know it’s late but we’re almost done!
Smith: LOOK!
~A giant question mark suddenly appears on a screen inside the prison. People scream and point. CJ turns around, in the darkness…we can make out his dark outline~
Hood: Really? Those asshole choose now to make the reveal? They had the whole show!
Smith: Maybe they wanted to build the suspense?
Hood: It's so rude! I'm calling it now, only AWE.some can be so inconsiderate.
~A single spotlight appears on the OUTSIDE of the fence, behind CJ. The hooded figure is in the light and stands there for what seems like ever. Again, CJ turns around…this time he starts yelling at the figure when its hand slowly raises up and takes off the hood, but before we see its face the spotlight cuts out. The fans start booing when a familiar song starts playing on the speakers. The spot light outside the fence returns and we see!!!~
Hood: RICK ASTLEY?!?!
Smith: Did OCW just get Rick Rolled??
~There is a mixed reaction as the fans boo and cheer. CJ has no clue what to make of it. Again, the spot light disappears. The Rick Astley character is gone. Was it really him? It was too quick to tell. Suddenly, the spotlight returns, this time back on CJ and Meyhu. But, they have company. We see a second hooded figure behind them. Before they know what is going on, the figure superkicks CJ in the back of the head, dropping him to the ground~
Hood: That sneaky bastard!
Smith: Superkick!
Meyhu gets to his feet…still somewhat bewildered…half aware of what’s going on. He takes a wild swing, but the figure ducks and superkicks Meyhu in the face. Meyhu drops~
Smith: SUPERKICK!
~The figure looks at Scruff who is trying to get to the OCW Title and hand it to its proper owner. The Hooded Figure shrugs before superkicking the Scruff as well~
Smith: SUUUUPPPPEERRKIICK!!!
~The figure looks at the people they have dropped and takes off their hood, revealing the question mark mask once again. They tilt the head forward and slowly pull off the mask, and lift up their head revealing...~
Smith: OH MY GOD!!
Hood: It's Mike Zybala!!
~It is indeed Mike Zybala standing amidst the carnage, looking down at the pile of bodies left in his wake. Zybala reaches into the front pocket of his hoody and pulls out a microphone. He taps it to make sure it works than raises it to mouth level~
Mike Zybala: OCW!! WELCOME..... TO THE SUPERKICK PARTY!!!
~Zybala then drops the mic, bends over to pick up the OCW title and raises it over his head for a bit before unceremoniously dropping it on Meyhu. He then leaves as "Party Hard" by Andrew W.K. plays throughout the Louisiana State Pen~
Smith: Mike Zybala was the Hooded Figure all along…and now, he’s a member of OCW!
Hood: Ah shit…as if this couldn’t get any worse for The Aptitude
Smith: I don’t think there IS an Aptitude anymore
Hood: Don’t say such terrible things
Smith: What a great night…greatest event in OCW history? We’ll let the reviewers be the judge…but I certainly enjoyed it. However, I am exhausted…we have made history…yet, questions remain and a new road begins…
Hood: I’m ready to get down from this tower and hit New Orleans!
Smith: You do what you have to do…I say you’ve earned it after tonight! Mike Zybala is in OCW…Matt Meyhu is the OCW Champion…CJ O’Donnell appears to be on his own, Perfectly Marvelous are champions once again, and TIO…well, TIO has some soul searching to do…what a night…we’ll see you all next week on Massacre!