~We cut to a garage that may or may not belong to Emilio. Bocket the Baccoon, Big D Drax, and Thorish are all seated atop upside down paint cans, hanging their heads in shame~
Bocket: He lost!
Thorish: To a pornstar!
Big D Drax: I told him to remain still.
Bocket: This is madness! I am Groot was magic. MAGIC.
Thorish: Something must be done. Shall we spam the company’s message board?
Bocket: That’s kind of lame, isn’t it?
Big D Drax: You’re lame.
Thorish: Not at all. It really gets our point across and shows that we mean business.
Bocket: Hmm, you may have a point.
~An alarm sounding very much like Rubberband man goes off. They all stand~
Bocket: It’s time to practice. In case that Feral Fighting Pit I deem promised comes to fruition.
Thorish: Let me grab my hammer.
~Thorish grabs a small, normal hammer. Bocket, who appears to be a stunted man in a raccoon costume locates a colorful water gun. Big D Drax has two plastic knives which can be purchased at a very low rate inside a local Wal-Mart~
Thorish: And now…we spar!
~The Guardians of the Garage begin to spar! Bocket’s water gun has run dry. Big D Drax’s plastic knives break away. Thorish swings his hammer…and while it isn’t mighty, it’s pretty fucking strong in comparison to what the other two are wielding. He gets super into spar mode and smacks Big D Drax in the head. Big D Drax falls to the ground…maybe dead~
Bocket: DUDE
Thorish: GREAT ODIN’S RAVEN!
~They stand over the fallen Big D Drax~
Thorish: You saw what happened, right? He got in my way! It wasn’t my fault!
Bocket: You hit him in the head with a hammer! And not even a nice hammer…a cheap, lumpy looking hammer. That’s no way to kill a man, Thorish.
~A door leading into the house from the garage swings open. Behind it stands former OutsiderCW promoter EMILIO. He sees Big D Drax down. He lets out an elongated sigh, shaking his head at the two numbskulls who remain standing~
Emilio: What did I tell you about play fighting?
Bocket: Sorry, sir. We were just so upset over Hanson’s loss to the porn star. We had to fight…in the name of GROOT!
Emilio: I hired you as lookouts.
Bocket: Security.
Emilio: NO! Lookouts…your job is to make sure the cops aren’t out. What we’re running here is illegal. Sure, it may be action, it may be wrestling, but it’s illegal because the grounds we run it on are restricted residential.
Bocket: Just as I thought…we are guardians! Guardians of the Garage!
Emilio: Oh for fuck’s sake. You’re an English teacher, he’s one of those weird wrestling fans that wears masks at home and the guy on the ground weighs about a buck thirty and looks like he sucks dick for a living. You’re NOT guardians.
Bocket: Okay
~Bocket leans in and winks~
Bocket: We’re not guardians.
Emilio: Yes, that’s what I said. You’re not guardians.
Bocket: Right, gotcha.
~Bocket looks at Thorish and winks. Emilio has had just about enough…as has everyone else watching~
Emilio: Just get out there and do your job. JAM G is about to face Guy Cashe for the Outsider Championship…Ubertaker is making his big return. This is the biggest night in Outsider Championship Wrestling history. We have about 30 people in attendance. Don’t ruin this!
Thorish: Any chance we get some ring time next week?
~Emilio laughs and heads inside, slamming the door shut. Bocket and Thorish drag Big D Drax toward the edge of the garage and sit him up against an ice chest. Bocket looks to the left, Thorish looks to his right~
Bocket: We are guardians.
Thorish: Totes.
Bocket: Guardians of the Garage.
~We fade out~
OCW Presents: Not Safe For Work
Tag Team Championship
Paradigm Championship
Savage Championship
OCW Championship
LIVE! Monday, June 17th 2019
From Schlitterbahn Waterpark in New Braunfels, TX
Craze Championship
Andrea Hernandez (c) vs. TBA
Team ATARI (c) vs. TBA
Kitty Petrova (c) vs. TBA
Vincent Langston (c) vs. TBA
Mike Best (c) vs. James Raven