Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
Taped from the OCW Studio
Episode #4
~A Youtube Ad plays for SLOVAK brides. WTF? Why is this playing? Why is this even a mainstream thing? Why...whoa, hey, that one ain’t bad looking. What’s that? They don’t complain? They’ll do what I say? Hmm. hmmmmmm. HRRRMMMMM. I may just have to check this website out. Let me go ahead and write that url down...in pencil. Gotta erase it once its served its purpose. Can’t have my independent, bitch ass american bride finding out. Ha ha ha. But first...there it is! That OCW logo!! It’s time for some Piledriver!! Wahoo!~
~Mack quickly walks down the hallways of the administration area of OCW arena. He turns a corner, eyeing Who'Re's office at the end of the hall. In front of her office stands four security guards. As Mack approaches, the security guards take notice and move to confront him.~
Mack: Out of the way, boys. I need a word with the boss lady. And seeing as how I was told I'm banned from the set of Piledriver for the time being, I thought I'd catch her before the show.
Lead Guard: Sorry, Mr. O'Connor, she's told us she doesn't want to be disturbed.
~Mack narrows his eyes on the guard~
Mack: Disturbed? Like... Disturbed in general? Or disturbed by me?
Lead Guard: Doesn't matter, we can't let you in there.
Mack: Look, you know I can wreck the lot of you pretty fuckin' quick, right?
Lead Guard: We're just trying to do our jobs, sir.
~Mack takes a breath~
Mack: I know, you're right. But I need to talk to her before she-
~The office door opens, and out walks Who'Re and Greg. They're in the middle of a conversation.~
Greg: Oh yes, that's a great idea.
Mack: Who'Re!
~Who'Re and Greg both whip their heads in Mack's direction. Who'Re signals to the guards to keep him away from her.~
Mack: We gotta talk!
Who'Re: Not happening. Lets go, Greg.
~Mack moves to follow the two, but the guards stand in his way. Mack shouts past the guards, but respectfully does not try to push by them.~
Mack: You took what's mine, bitch! I want it back! And I'll do what I need to do to get it back!
~Who'Re stops and turns back~
Who'Re: Is that a threat?
Mack: Syren issued an open challenge.
Who'Re: I thought you were done fighting.
Mack: Like I said, I'll do what I have to do to take back what's mine.
~Who'Re lets out a chuckle, whispering something to Greg before she walks away. Greg nods, slowly approaching Mack and the guards.~
Mack: ...the fuck do you want, Greg?
Greg: She says you've been banned from competition for the time being.
Mack: What? Why?!
Greg: That's what she said.
~Greg looks Mack up and down.~
Greg: Mack, I've always like the leather jacket... But you really need an update, babe.
~Greg turns and walks away. Mack looks himself up and down. He looks at the lead guard.~
Mack: You think this jacket is too old?
~The Lead Guard shrugs.~
Lead Guard: It's a little dusty, sir. Was it a childhood gift?
~Mack squints his eyes in suspicion. He gets real close to the guard.~
Mack: Be careful as you pick the words when you answer this question... How old do you think I am?
~The Lead Guard swallows, thinking quickly.~
Lead Guard: I don't know, sir. But you look great for it.
Mack: I'll take it.
~The cold segment opening ends. We cut to the Piledriver setup as the quirky, stock theme music plays~
Voice: Welcome to Piledriver! And now, your host...Cheasy M!
~On cue, Cheesy M spins his chair around, facing us. He smirks, makes the click sound with his mouth, and points at the camera. We zoom in on his not-so-ugly face~
Cheasy M: I’m Cheasy M and you’re watching Wednesday Night Piledriver. Brought to you by…
~The ad ends. Our view is at a far more comfortable distance. Cheasy shuffles his papers~
Cheasy M: A big shout out to Greg Poblano and his corporate umbrella, Poblano Inc for signing on as OCW’s primary sponsor!
~Another camera cut. Cheasy shifts accordingly~
Cheasy M: We’ve got a loaded show for you guys tonight. News. Notes. An update on whatever it is that’s going on between Mike Zybala and Marcus Welsh. An appearance by Dylan Thomas! An update on the signing of Vhodka Marie? And, an exclusive interview with Outsider star, Online Championship Wrestling charity case, Peter Vaughn.
Cheasy M: I tell ya, that Peter Vaughn sure is a fine looking dude. He’s no Cheasy M, however. But, then again, who is...am I right?
~Our camera cuts to a different view. Cheasy rotates to face the new view.~
Cheasy M: Fans and Cheasy M marks, you’re all aware that Quarantined is a mere ELEVEN days away. Holy smokes, right? Eleven days ain’t nothing! You don’t believe me, just ask any of the better looking halves from those 90 day fiancee shows, hahaha!
~We’ll give that joke a 3/10. Probably being generous. A camera cut. Again, Cheasy shifts to greet it~
Cheasy M: We’ve spent the past three weeks getting to know all eight competitors who will lay it on the line at Quarantined for an opportunity to walk out OCW Champion. Tonight, I’d like to focus on one of the more well-known competitors. That’s right, I’m talking about the NASA flunkie himself, The Rocket man...Ed Houston!
Cheasy M: Ed Houston didn’t receive an initial invite into this new, hip version of OCW. He started out on the dreaded WAITING LIST. However, not willing to just stand by and wait, Ed Houston took matters into his own hands. He showed up at the first episode of Piledriver, confronting OCW Champion, Mack O’Connor.
Cheasy M: The encounter was so stressful for the OCW Champ that he immediately resigned from competition and vacated his belt. Yes, this happened ON THE SPOT...right here, on the inaugural return show of Wednesday Night Piledriver. Impressed by Ed Houston’s go-getter attitude, General Manager Who’Re bumped him off the Waiting List and onto the roster, effectively taking Mack O’Connor’s spot.
~Camera cut. Cheasy shifts~
Cheasy M: This wasn’t the first time these two have run up against one another. Over two years ago, Ed Houston would challenge Mack O’Connor for his OCW Paradigm Championship at Throwback. So, tonight, right here on Piledriver, we’re going to open up the vault and revisit that encounter. Perhaps it will shed some light on exactly why Mack O’Connor backed out once he saw the emergence of Ed Houston. TO THE VAULT!
2 out of 3 Falls Match
Mack O’Connor © (24-7) vs. Ed Houston (18-9)
~Club Space is bumping! “You Spin Me Round” by Dead or Alive consumes the anachronistic atmosphere! The fans are dancing, hopping, grinding, bumping? They are having a great time! A record scratches and the music comes to an abrupt end. Normally this would piss everyone off…but tonight, on the night of nights, the record scratch can mean only one thing. MORE IN RING ACTION! Belvedere stands in the ring looking like your typical 80’s yuppie archetype. He clears his throat. The crowd goes wild~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen the following match is a two out of three falls match and it is for the OCW Paradigm Championship!!! Introducing first…the challenger…
~“Rocket Man” by Elton John hits. Club Space loses its fucking mind! The hometown hero, Ed Houston emerges from behind the very 80’s themed curtain. He thrusts the fabric aside and pauses as the crowd bursts into a “HOUSTON” chant. Ed can’t help but to flash a smile. He’s got his OCW LightWeight title secured around his waist. He spots the ring and sprints down the makeshift aisle way. He’s pelted by several bras and numerous pairs of panties. Ed doesn’t flinch, the Rocket man is focused. He leaps onto the apron, flat footed and flips over the top rope, landing on his feet in the center of the ring to a huge ovation~
Belvedere: From Miami, Florida…
~Belvedere pauses, allowing the crowd to cross the line from sanity to batshit crazy. Once they have been given a generous amount of time to act like fanboys and fangirls, Belvedere resumes his task~
Belvedere: He stands at 5’9 and weighs in at 175lbs…he is the final OCW LightWeight Champion in company history…he is a former OCW Craze Champion…he is the reigning Face of the Year…he is The Rocket Man…ladies and gentlemen…he is…Ed Houston!!!
~Ed’s music has ceased. It’s given way to a thunderous “ED! ED! ED!” chant. Houston acknowledges the crowd as much as he can before it becomes gratuitous. “Vagabond” by Greenskeepers hits and the crowd BOOOOS as loud as they are able. Mack steps through the curtain with a sour look on his face. The cantankerous Paradigm Champion spits at the crowd and semi-snarls while staring at Ed in the ring. He clinches his fists and stares at both sides of the crowd through the corner of his eyes. Fans are yelling and screaming at him, saying things that are, well – less than nice. Mack acts like he’s about to punch a guy who looks like Boy George. The guy screams and falls down, covering up. Mack chuckles and struts down to the ring~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…from Brooklyn, New York…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 220lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…he is an OCW Hall of Famer…he is the current reigning and defending OCW Paradigm Champion…he is…Mack O’Connor!!!
~Mack reaches the ring and slowly ascends the steps. Trash is hurled his way. We see several empty boxes of Hi-Ci Ecto Cooler pelt him in the back. Mack pauses and looks over his shoulder. He says something that looks and sounds like “Bitch” before toeing the apron and stepping in, through the ropes. He removes his Paradigm Title and holds it up high in the air! Trash is thrown into the ring. Even Ed has to duck and dart to avoid being hit. Mack doesn’t go through the trouble. He gets pelted over and over without flinching~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen would you please cease throwing trash into the ring!
~The crowd BOOOS heavily and throws even MORE trash into the ring. Belvedere reaches for his ear, listening to a piece which spouts correspondence from backstage~
Belvedere: I have been informed that if the throwing of trash does not cease immediately then this match will be cancelled!
~The crowd continues to boo, however, the trash throwing comes to an end. Ed looks out into the crowd, thanking them for their support and apparent loose grip on sanity. Belvedere takes the Paradigm Title, along with the LightWeight Title, and exits the ring. The bell sounds. The boos flip to cheers! The fans are back on the Houston train! Ed steps to the center of the ring where Mack resides. O’Connor sizes Ed up~
Smith: And finally we’re able to get his match underway! A big thank you to the fans for listening to reason
Hood: If I were Mack I’d continue to incite these people. Get this match thrown out that way he is guaranteed to leave here champion.
Smith: That would be a cowardly act
Hood: No, it would be smart. You hear this crowd? This is the biggest home ‘court’ advantage I’ve ever seen. Mack doesn’t want to go against this
Smith: And yet, he must
~OCW officials have cleared away all the trash from inside the ring. They hurriedly sweep the debris away from ringside to elevate the safety for the two competitors. Mack looks at Ed and spouts some words we can’t hear. They seem genuine, based upon his gesticulations. Ed doesn’t seem convinced. Mack extends a hand. The crowd chants “NO!” Ed looks down at the hand, conflicted~
Smith: Is Mack looking to make this a gentlemanly affair? I know he’s being booed out of the building tonight…but Mack isn’t all bad
Hood: Shake his hand, Ed. I dare you
Smith: Hmm, given your inclination toward Ed shaking Mack’s hand I think I’d have to advise that Ed forgoes any sign of sportsmanship
Hood: Classless
~Houston reaches out to shake Mack’s hand but quickly pulls his hand away as Mack looks to close in on the shake! The crowd goes wild!! Ed proudly points to his head and turns to show the crowd that he’s no dumbass. He turns back around and is SMACKED in the face with a right hand!! His knees buckle. He falls into Mack. Mack grabs Ed and drops him with Hollow Point!!! Ed’s body falls into the ropes…the torque of the ropes shoot him back into Mack who lifts Ed up and drops him with Claymore!!! The crowd is stunned. They are silent. Mack makes the cover! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: The winner of the first fall is…Mack O’Connor!!!
Smith: What?! NO!
Hood: Ahahaha! Yes!
Smith: There…I…something…someone…somebody!
Hood: And Smith is malfunctioning because there is literally NOTHING illegal about what just happened. Ed has no out.
~The crowd BOOOS heavily. A boisterous chant of “BULL FUCKING SHIT” fills Club Space. Mack reaches his feet and takes a moment to laugh and taunt the crowd. Ed sits up onto his side, at the elbow. He shakes his head, eyes wide displaying a faraway gaze. Mack takes his thumb to his throat and does the ‘throat slit’ toward the crowd. They BOOO and chant “DICK FACE!” Mack has a puzzled expression but turns around to go back after Ed. Houston is on one knee, shaking his head, still dazed. Mack grabs Ed by the hair and pulls him to his feet~
Smith: Wake up, Ed! Your title shot is about to vanish right before you half opened eyes!
Hood: The kid is good…but he’s not great, Smith. He’s in over his head
Smith: I disagree!
~Ed’s on his feet, leaning against Mack. Mack straightens Ed up and drills him with another right hand!! The haymaker razes Ed to the ground. He’s out. Mack makes a cover and counts along with Scruff~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!
Smith: He kicked out!
Hood: Blah! Hit the Claymore, Mack! C’mon!
Smith: C’mon, Ed! Fire back! You’re not out of this one yet!
~Mack punches the mat with his fist. He returns to his feet and grabs Ed by the hair, yanking The Rocket Man to his feet. He pulls Houston in close and lifts him up for another Claymore. Ed, though, breaks free and hops behind Mack, landing on his feet. He stumbles into the ropes. Mack turns around and charges at Ed, furious. Houston drops down, pulling on the top rope. Mack flips over the top, lands on the apron, bumps off and hits the floor on the outside. The fans at ringside yell and scream at Mack. Houston remains on the canvas continuing to recover from Mack’s initial onslaught. Scruff initiates a count~
Smith: Alright! Ed’s slowly climbing back into this!
Hood: Of course Scruff decides now is a good time to be all over the count
Smith: He’s simply doing his job, Hood
Hood: WEAK ASS REFEREEING
~Scruff yells out “FOUR!” Houston rolls toward the middle of the ring and sits up. He reaches for the back of his neck, wincing. He tilts his head back and forth, soothing the damage. Scruff yells out “FIVE!” Mack reaches up, grabbing the apron and gets to his feet. He sees Ed sitting up. Houston gets to one knee. Mack rolls back into the ring, breaking the count. Mack gets to his feet and shoves Scruff aside. Scruff looks at Mack like “What the hell, man?” He lets out a loud “SIX!” to be a jerk. Mack spins around, threatening to punch Scruff. Scruff backs away like “My bad, man! My bad!!” Mack turns back around to find Ed on his feet. O’Connor shoves Ed into the nearest corner. Ed, still reeling, flies into the corner…the back of his neck and head hit the top buckle awkwardly. He winces, reaching back and again grabbing for the punished portion of his upper body. Mack steps forward and delivers a vicious punch into the Ed’s liver region. Houston drops to both knees. Mack laughs and yanks him back up. O’Connor bends over to lift Ed for a bodyslam. He hoists Ed up with tremendous force…Ed’s hips rotate…but they don’t stop. Ed’s able to rotate three hundred-sixty degrees and drop Mack with a DDT!!! The back of Ed’s head hits the bottom buckle on the way down, keeping him grounded. Mack rolls over, holding his head in pain. The crowd is on their feet going wild~
Smith: Alright, Ed! He’s rising from the grave!
Hood: You saying Ed is into necrophilia?
<>
Smith: No! How…how would you come to that conclusion?
Hood: He ignored all those undergarments thrown at him by LIVE women. Maybe that’s just not his thing, ya know?
~Houston reaches up, snaring the middle rope. He pulls his body off the mat, reaching his feet. He leans into the corner for support. The crowd urges Ed to get moving. He obliges, heading toward Mack. O’Connor reaches for Ed’s wounded knee. He snares it!! Mack pops to his feet, as though he were playing possum. He clutches his fist, looking to drive it into Ed’s tender joint. Houston pleads with Mack to cease. His pleas fill Mack with confidence. Mack rears back for a haymaker…Ed jumps up and drills Mack in the side of the head with an enziguri!!! Mack stumbles to the side. He falls to one knee before promptly returning to his feet, continuing to stagger. Ed hurries to his feet, runs at Mack, leaps in the air and drills him with a perfect dropkick!! Mack stumbles through the ropes, landing on the apron~
Smith: Ed Houston has built some momentum! That knee is still tender from his match against Langston two weeks ago…but it seems stable enough
Hood: Yea, stable enough until Mack lands a solid blow
Smith: Let’s hope that doesn’t happen
Hood: You biased mother fucker
~Houston leans against the ropes opposite of Mack. O’Connor gets to his feet on the apron. Ed charges at Mack. He leaps through the air…Mack ducks. Ed soars over O’Connor and flips over, landing on the ground with his arms locked around Mack’s waist for a Sunset Flip. Upon landing, Ed’s knee nearly gives out, but he toughs through the instability. Mack holds onto the ropes to keep from being pulled to the floor. He throws his leg back…the heel hits Ed in the back of the neck. Houston loses his grip and stumbles forward. Mack turns around. Houston does the same. Mack throws a kick at Ed…Houston snares the leg! Houston hops onto the apron with Mack’s leg in his hands. He spins from the apron to the floor with a Dragon Screw Leg Whip!!! Mack lands hard, holding his knee in pain!! Houston splats onto the floor as well, rolling around, wincing. The crowd goes wild! “ED! ED! ED!” fills Club Space~
Smith: Turnabout is fair play? Ed is letting Mack know what a bad knee feels like
Hood: So what…as if Mack actually uses his fucking legs to do anything more than stand and provide leverage for a punch.
Smith: Standing is pretty important in athletic competition
Hood: Not when you have fists of STEEL
~Houston struggles back to his feet. Mack, holding his knee, sits up against the barricade. Ed tries to grab him, but Mack kicks at him with his good leg. He throws a few arrant punches. Houston backs up against the apron, frustrated. He springs forward and drills Mack with a Dropsault! He flips over, landing on his feet. He staggers a bit, given the weakened knee. He hurries forward and delivers a knee lift into Mack’s face! The combination causes Mack to slump to his side, arms limp! The fans are going wild!! Houston gets back to his feet, displaying a slight limp. He grabs Mack and struggles to pull the larger man to his feet~
Smith: Great combination by The Rocket Man! He’s fighting through a wounded knee in an effort to claim the biggest victory of his OCW career!
Hood: Wake up, Mack!
Smith: He may be out, Hood
Hood: Unpossible…the guy puts away a case of Jameson on a regular basis. A few kicks to the head is NOTHING
~Houston is able to roll Mack into the ring. O’Connor’s cumbersome body rolls awkwardly toward the center of the canvas. Ed climbs up onto the apron, showing more caution with when and how he decides to use the spring in his legs. Mack, somehow, fights to his feet. All those bar room brawls are paying off. Houston leaps up, he springboards off the top rope. He flies toward Mack, hooks his legs around Mack’s bald head, flips backward, taking Mack over with a Frankensteiner!! He remains on top of Mack, grabs both legs and secures a pin. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: So close! Ed nearly tied this match up!
Hood: Holy shit that was way too fucking close! Time to wake up, Mack! Don’t give the kid any hope
Smith: All the momentum is with Ed right now. This match is in danger of getting away from the Paradigm Champion
~Ed rolls through post kickout, returning to his feet. He performs a quick pivot, turning around. Mack’s back is to Ed. Houston turns up and performs a Shining Wizard to the back of Mack’s head!! O’Connor slumps forward but, somehow, out of instinct, fights to his feet. He stumbles around with his fists up. Houston sprints at Mack, leaps into the air and blasts him in the chest with a Front Dropkick!!! Mack’s body goes flying into the corner! He hits hard! The ring shakes from the impact!! O’Connor falls to a seated position, his head leaning against the middle buckle. Houston pops back to his feet with the crowd 100% behind him! They are on their feet, going wild~
Smith: Mack O’Connor is being handled in a manner we’ve never seen before! Ed Houston has the OCW legend reeling!
Hood: What the shit is this?! I didn’t sign up to watch Ed kick Mack all over Miami
Smith: And yet, here you are
Hood: Oh fuck off
~Houston sprints forward and flies through the air with double knees into Mack’s face!!! He rolls backward, popping back to his feet. He shows a limp, reaching for his tender knee. Mack’s body is on its side, in the corner. Ed shows a slight hobble as he heads for Mack and drags the Paradigm Champion into the center of the ring. Mack is prone. Ed heads for the corner…the fans start a “BLASTOFF” chant~
Smith: Ed is looking to hit Blastoff!
Hood: Oh I so hope his knee goes out on him…or explodes. A knee explosion would be better
Smith: THAT WOULD RUIN HIS CAREER
Hood: Hence why it KNEEDS to happen
~Houston reaches the top. He breathes in and out, calming his nerves. He leaps off with BLASTOFF!! He hits it!!! The impact creates a loud THUNDER like boom throughout Club Space! The fans jump up and down, going wild. Houston reaches for his knee, grimacing. The fans yell “PIN HIM!” Houston crawls, dragging his tender knee behind him. He makes the cover. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!
Smith: NO!
Hood: Haha! Yes! You are the man, Mack!
Smith: That…there’s no way that should have happened! What’s going on?!
~Houston gives Scruff a look like “Are you serious?” A sad looking Scruff holds up two fingers. Houston quickly moves beyond the initial disappointment. He pummels Mack with right hands, keeping the Paradigm Champion grounded. He throws a few head butts into the mix. It’s borderline assault. Houston finishes and returns to his feet, heading back to the same corner. He’s limping worse than before~
Smith: Another Blastoff?
Hood: Okay, his knee might literally explode this time
Smith: Think about what you’re doing, Ed! Even if you secure the pinfall you’ve still got to get one more in order to win
Hood: You see, this is why he couldn’t hack it at NASA. Guy doesn’t plan ahead
~Houston reaches the top of the corner. His wounded knee is shaking. He looks up, sucks down the intestinal fortitude necessary to leap through the pain and soars through the air!! It’s picturesque. Everything seems to come to a halt as Ed gracefully hangs in the air before coming down right on top of O’Connor with another BLASTOFF! This time, he luckily remains on top of Mack after the impact!! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell sounds~
Belvedere: The winner of the second fall is Ed Houston! This match will now move into the third and decisive fall.
Smith: Yes! He tied it up!
Hood: Yea, but at what cost? That knee was already weak as hell. Did he blow his load to simply even the score?
Smith: I don’t know about anyone ‘blowing their load’ but he certainly could have shot his wad
Hood: Tomayto!
Smith: Tomahto
~Ed is back on his feet the second after Belvedere’s announcement. Mack is down. Ed heads for the corner. The crowd is excited! He slowly climbs to the top. He looks down at Mack, prepared to deliver a third Blastoff. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Mack remains on his back. Houston bends his knees in preparation to launch! His knee suddenly gives out!! Ed falls to the mat, holding his knee in pain! The crowd goes quiet. Ed slaps at the mat, frustrated~
Smith: Oh no!
Hood: Yep, he blew his load
Smith: If he can’t hit Blastoff...
Hood: C’mon, let’s stop acting like we ever thought he could win
~Mack begins to stir. He sits up, holding his chest and stomach. He looks over at Ed, angry. Two blastoffs aren’t fun to endure. Mack returns to his feet. Scruff tries checking on Ed, but Mack shoves him aside. He grabs Ed by the damaged leg and drags him toward the center of the ring like a predator manipulating its prey. The crowd boos…they try and urge some sympathy into Mack. But, there is none – this man is a fighter~
Smith: I fear over what Mack’s going to do to that leg
Hood: Worst case scenario – he cuts it off.
Smith: That would be TERRIBLE
Hood: Yea, I guess. But at least Ed would get disability and be able to wheel around theme parks, being thrust to the front of the line
~Mack, satisfied with their positioning, looks into the hard camera. He throws up a middle finger and turns around, pointing his back toward the hard camera. People backstage must be furious. Mack proceeds to stomp at the back of Ed’s knee, while holding it with his hands. Houston grimaces in pain. He tries to get away and grab the ropes, but Mack is too big and too strong. Mack stops kicking and starts punching at the knee. He’s beginning to grow confident – maybe even arrogant~
Smith: Ed may be wounded…but a wounded animal can still strike
Hood: Yea man, just like Tony Montana
Smith: That was fiction
Hood: No way, 100% based on a true story.
~Mack taunts Ed after each right hand to the knee. Mack winds up, reaching farther back than previously…Ed kicks his good leg out, blocking Mack’s incoming punch!! Mack stumbles. Houston lunges forward, grabbing Mack by the leg. He trips Mack’s base out from under him, dropping the big man to the mat. Ed holds onto Mack’s leg and gets to his feet (via his good knee) and applies an Ankle Lock!!! Mack yells “FUCK!” and slams his fist into the mat. It’s a combination of pain and frustration. Ed twists the ankle as hard as he can, hopping around on one foot. The crowd chants ‘TAP! TAP!’~
Smith: It’s Ed’s signature submission maneuver he calls Countdown!
Hood: I didn’t know Ed had a submission finisher! Did you know this?
Smith: Of course, it’s on his resume. He just rarely uses it here in OCW
Hood: I think you’re lying. I think this move was hidden from Mack as a way to give Ed an advantage!
~Mack appears as though he’d rather kiss Josie Barnes than tap out. His ankle is being manipulated in a very painful manner. Mack starts to crawl toward the ropes. His weight advantage is coming in handy. Ed tries to keep Mack centered, but the weight disparity plus Ed’s wounded leg make it impossible. Mack finally reaches the ropes…Scruff orders a break. Ed, far from a fool, holds on for the allotted five second count before letting Mack go~
Smith: And Mack gets the break!
Hood: Which one? The hold or the ankle?
Smith: The hold! I’m quite certain his ankle is not broken
Hood: Whatever you say ‘Dr.’ Smith
~Mack returns to his feet. He limps on his ankle. Ed is limping on his knee. Houston fights through the limp, charging at Mack. Mack lifts Ed up, high into the air, over the top rope. Houston comes flying down to the apron…but, instead of hitting, he’s able to use the rope to control his descent…he slides through Mack’s legs, back into the ring. He pops to his feet and turns around…he reaches for Mack but walks right into HOLLOW POINT!! Ed’s body snaps back to the mat. Mack hurries over and makes the pin~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!
Smith: Ed kicked out!
Hood: Man, both guys out there hobbling around. It’s like that spiderman meme…only with two Ehuds.
~Mack is frustrated, but he stays on point. He pulls Ed up and hooks him for Claymore. Ed, though, elbows Mack in the head, forcing a break. He turns to hit the ropes, but Mack dives into the back of his knee! Houston falls to the mat, clutching his knee! Mack returns to his feet, grabs Ed’s knee and goes back to punching it, contemplating a submission~
Smith: A submission move here could end it
Hood: Does Mack know any submission moves? Ya know, aside from out drink the other guy?
Smith: I’m sure, given his tenure within this business that he can apply…ya know, something like a…head lock
Hood: Lot of good that will do him in this situation
~During Mack’s internal struggle over submission strategy…Ed manages to get to one knee. Mack, retaining control of his leg, decides punching the leg repeatedly might be the way to go. So, he punches at the leg and punches and punches and punches. Ed remains standing…but his head grows heavy. The pain he’s going through, the extra endurance his body is expending to absorb these blows is taking its toll~
Smith: Ed might be on the verge of passing out!
Hood: Keep punching, Mack!
Smith: Scruff might call the match. This is brutal
~Mack reels Ed in, closer, placing Ed’s knee under his arm. He grabs Ed by the throat. Ed’s eyes open. Mack’s got his attention. He says, “Not yet.” Houston leaps up and smacks Ed in the head with an Enziguri!!! Mack spins around, stunned! Ed drops to the mat and rolls Mack up!! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND THE NEW OCW PARADIGM CHAMPION…ED HOUSTON!!!!!
Smith: The kid did it!! He did it!
Hood: What the fuck just happened?!
~The crowd leaps to their feet, overjoyed by the victory! Mack sits up, stunned. He looks around. Scruff receives the Paradigm Title from Belvedere and hands it to Ed. Houston is helped to his feet by Scruff. Ed holds the title high, visibly emotional over the huge, potentially breakthrough performance. Mack gets to his feet and looks at Ed. The fans boo~
Smith: What’s Mack going to do?
Hood: I don’t know
~Mack simply turns and exits, leaving Ed alone. For some, this could be construed as Mack ‘showing respect’. Ed is left in the ring to celebrate his victory inside CLUB SPACE~
Smith: Ed Houston is the new Paradigm Champion!! My goodness, Hood…this kid has gone from rookie to OCW mainstay. He’s one of the best we’ve got!
Hood: Congrats, kid. You did well. Now the fun part looms – holding onto the fucking thing
Smith: Indeed…he has a date with Kitty Petrova. That, won’t be easy.
~We cut back to the OCW Studio and Cheasy M~
Cheasy M: What a match! I remember it like it was yesterday. Ed Houston finally breaking through and winning against one of OCW’s premiere competitors. Is this why Mack backed away from Ed? Does he realize that The Rocketman has passed him up?
~Cheasy does a few exaggerated shrugs as if to say “I dunno, mayyyyybe???”~
Cheasy M: Ed Houston would springboard off of this win to go on and capture his first World Championship less than a year later in GCWA. Next Sunday, Houston looks to do the same in OCW. He looks to finally topple the OCW mountain, earning the title his buddy, Matt Meyhu, refused to relinquish for nearly a year. Can he do it? Tune into Quarantined to find out!
~We cut to commercial~
Check Out Xavier Lux's Second Quarantined Promo
"Am I here to honor the name of my father?"
~We cut to a familiar hospital room. We see Mike Zybala standing next to the bed of Marcus Welsh. Zybala is holding a tablet showing Welsh something. Welsh is smiling at whatever he's being shown. The very bribeable nurse can be seen leaving the room, eating something. Most likely Zybala's latest attempt at a gift for Marcus. The door shuts and Zybala checks to make sure the cost is clear. It is. Zybala smiles as he places the tablet down and reaches into his bag. Zybala pulls out a couple of empenadas. He gives one to Welsh and starts to eats the other. Welsh starts to eat and smiles at the taste~
Zybala: I know you like to eat healthy and whatnot, but after what you've been through, you deserve a treat.
~Welsh nods and keeps eating the tasty food. In a few minutes, the food is gone and Zybala picks up the tablet again. He laughs as he points at the screen~
Zybala: Oh man. This pic was taken at the company picnic. Jimmy Buffet got so drunk that day. That's the guy who has his arms around both of us.
Welsh: Why do I look so grumpy?
Zybala: Oh that... Umm..... Hmm.... Why were you grumpy? That was uh... A few years ago.... Oh yeah! I remember! You brought tuna salad, which was delicious by the way, and you saw Alice Knight pour her homemade mustard in it "to make it better." It did not...
~Welsh pauses, staring at the photo. He thinks on the Alice Knight name for a bit. A frown starts to darken his face~
Marcus Welsh: Something about that name. Alice Knight. I don't think I like it.
~Zybala chuckles and slides to a new photo, diverting Welsh's struggling memory. It shows the two of them at the ribbon cutting for the OCW theme park. Zybala has a pair of giant plastic scissors. He's flashing a huge smile and a thumbs up. Welsh stares, coldly into the camera~
Mike Zybala: Oh! This is a good one. This was when we opened our theme park together.
Marcus Welsh: I don't look very happy.
Mike Zybala: That's because...well, you see...oh yea, I know. That was right after we were forced to suspend Chad Vargas. He's a very backwards thinking man that was continuously suspended for losing his mind during OCW Survivor. He was supposed to headline the ppv that took place inside that theme park.
~Welsh thinks about the name Chad Vargas. It generates a slightly negative reaction~
Marcus Welsh: Yea, I don't think I like that name, either.
Zybala: See? That's why you were grumpy. You had a ball the rest of the night. The show was amazing, the fans had fun, and we all rode rides after the show until the sun came up!
~Zybala slides through more pictures of the theme park. Hood drunk in Margaritaville surrounded by funnel cakes, Matt Meyhu posing in front of The Marvel roller coaster. Zybala then swipes to a picture of Zybala and Welsh's match. Zybala panics and swipes quickly as Welsh frowns~
Welsh: Wait! Go back.
Zybala: Oh it's nothing.
Welsh: Mike! Please. Go back.
~Worry crosses over Zybala's face as he obliges. Welsh stares hard at the picture of him swinging a chair at Zybala. He frowns again and looks up at Zybala~
Welsh: Why are we fighting, Mike? I thought we were friends....
Zybala: That.. Well you see.... It's because..... It was all an act?
Welsh: An act??
Zybala: An act! A promotional stunt. Jimmy Buffet thought it would be a way to draw in a bigger crowd if he had his General Manager and Commissioner fight in the actual park. You didn't want to do it, but I assured you that I would take care of you the whole time. We put on a hell of a show, and I kept my word. While it looked like we were beating the hell out of each other, neither of us really got hurt. I even let you get the win at the end. Hell, the only pain you felt the next day was an upset stomach from the carnival food.
~Zybala laughs a little nervously as he looks down at Welsh, hoping he bought it…~
Marcus Welsh: I don't know. I look pretty excited swinging that chair.
~Welsh looks VERY excited at the possibility of smashing Zybala's skull in. Zybala 'sneezes' and swipes far away from the match photos. It lands on a photo of Welsh with a very, very bad photoshop of Zybala's head over Greg's. Welsh is smiling. He looks as happy as can be~
Mike Zybala: See? Best of buds.
~Welsh notices something off...probably the black arms~
Marcus Welsh: Uhh, your arms
~We can see the gears turning in his head. His eyes light up as he comes up with something. He smiles fondly down at the picture~
Zybala: That was a great time. My wife and I took a cruise along the Mexican coast back in 2018. Funny enough, you were on the same cruise ship. We went to a beach at one of the stops and I forgot to put on sun screen lotion. I got burned so bad haha. I peeled like a banana the next few days.
~Zybala looks at Welsh to see if he bought the obvious lie~
Marcus Welsh: But your face is...
Mike Zybala: Think it had something to do with the flash...
~An ad interrupts the current Youtube video airing on Welsh's TV via his firestick. It's a preview for OCW's Quarantined. Welsh shoves the iPad out of his way and sits up, extremely interested in the commercial~
Zybala: You seem excited about this Marcus. You shouldn't work yourself up too much in your condition.
~The screen shows a shot of Who'Re and Greg. This causes a look of pain to go across the face of Welsh. Zybala jumps up to grab the t.v. remote and turns off the screen. The screen goes dark and Zybala looks at a fretful Welsh~
Zybala: It's OK Marcus. It's only a commercial.
Welsh: Those were the people who put me in here, right?
Zybala: Sadly, yes. But they can't hurt you now. Especially when you got me by your side.
~Zybala smiles and gives Welsh a thumbs up. We cut back to the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: And we’re back! Quarantined is fast approaching, OCW fans. Four rings, four cages, housing eight wrestlers. A structure and match unlike any in pro wrestling history. Let’s peek in on the OCW Arena to take a look at the progress!
~We cut to the OCW Arena. The interior ‘walls’ have been raised. Looking down on the four rings, we see what looks like a 3D, metal plus sign sticing up. The walls dividing the rings, preventing the wrestlers from easily hopping over. A group of dedicated, OCW workers haul a giant cage wall into view...they apply leverage and manage to hoist it vertical, placing it up against one ring. The Knife Man is overseeing everything, waving his giant blade around, showing them what to do. The metal shimmers and shines under the OCW bright lights. The structure is coming together...it’s beginning to look as dangerous as it sounds~
Cheasy M: Wowee...I sure wouldn’t want to get locked inside that thing with someone like Brim or Lux...or even Zybala, for that matter. Imagine being stuck in a cage with Mike Zybala? Talk about being placed on suicide watch!
~Cheasy guffaws at his off-color remark about mental illness~
Cheasy M: We’re in the final week of promos, fans. The final opportunity for each wrestler to speak out, placing their best foot forward in an attempt to capture OCW gold. What started as a marathon has quickly turned into a sprint. That low burn heats up daily. It’s all very real at this point, folks. History will be made in 11 short days. One of those competitors, the least likely to achieve anything, if we’re telling truths, will join me when we come back from commercial.
~An image of a mop is shown on the screen behind Cheasy~
Cheasy M; We’ll be right back with an exclusive interview with Outsider legend, Peter ‘The Janitor’ Vaughn!
~We cut to commercial~
~We return from commercial. Cheasy M shifts to his left, staring into the camera. An image of Peter Vaughn is up behind him. Vaughn is in his janitorial garb with a mop in his hand and some stains on his outfit~
Cheasy M: And we’re back! You guys know what time it is? That’s right, it’s interview time!
~The camera cuts. Cheasy shifts to his right, focusing on the new angle~
Cheasy M: Tonight’s guest is the underdog of all underdogs. People aren’t giving him much of a shot at Quarantined. He was gifted his spot in the Prison Yard Match by his boss, Mike Zybala. Personally, I’d say if the guy walks out of Quarantined without any major injuries, he should consider it a success.
~Cheasy giggles~
Cheasy M: Heck, if I were him I’d probably just lay down to start the match. Take the pay day and get the heck out of there. Return to Outsiders where he belongs. Open a spot for somebody like...Shawn Warstein. I hear he’s looking for a home.
~The room ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’. Who’Re glares at Cheasy~
Cheasy M: Sorry. I overstepped. Anyway, he doesn’t have much of a prayer...but we’re gonna give him some air time anyway. Folks, it’s Peter The Toilet Cleaner Vaughn!!
~We cut to Vaughn. He’s been seated there the entire time. He doesn’t look thrilled~
Cheasy M: Yo, Pete! Good to see ya, my man. I got a question for ya...urinals or toilets...which do you prefer to clean?
~Cheasy flashes that shit-eating grin. NO PUN INTENDED. Vaughn doesn't say a word. He's just glaring towards Cheasy M. His eyes look a little red around the edges.~
Cheasy M: You okay there, Petey? What's with those eyes? Did you forget to wash your hands before rubbing them?
~Vaughn answers quietly, while still staring daggers at Cheasy.~
Peter Vaughn: Are you going to ask me about wrestling, Cheasy? As in, doing your actual job? Or are you going to keep making yourself look like a fool?
~This catches Cheasy off guard. He adjusts his positioning and leans back, a little~
Cheasy M: Oh, um, sure. Yea. The match.
~He scratches the back of his head. He's visibly impacted by Vaughn's response. But, he pulls it together~
Cheasy M: In all seriousness, Pete. You are the underdog, according to Vegas. Is that fuel? Motivation? Are you concerned with those odds are of the opinion that they don't matter?
Peter Vaughn: Odds only matter to those willing to lose their nest eggs. I don't blame the thugs in Vegas. They set their picks based on past history and current prospects. They can't help hearing the narrative spewed by men like Dylan Thomas, like Xavier Lux... like you...
~Vaughn leans closer to Cheasy, sending off the energy that he could snap at any time.~
Peter Vaughn: ... that I don't belong in this match. I believe you said that I "didn't have a prayer"?
~Cheasy gulps, shaking his head slightly as if denying he said that.~
Peter Vaughn: But what none of you understand is... I'm just reaching my peak. I've been winning regularly over the last year. I dominated Outsiders like no one else. And now I'm ready to take what I rightfully deserve. You think I'm the underdog? I think everyone else is lucky to be in there with me...
~Vaughn is shaking slightly now, a tremor that runs through his entire body. He leans back again, away from Cheasy.~
Cheasy M: Well that's, umm, certainly an interesting take there, Peter. It appears your confidence has matured under the tutelage of your mysterious, yet somehow familiar mentor. Would you attribute this newfound confidence strictly to his teachings? And, will we ever find out who he is and, if so, when?
Peter Vaughn: If you can't figure it out, why should I help you? Regardless, my new mentor will definitely be there at Quarantined to watch me leave victorious. You'll find out then, if not before.
~Cheasy glances over his shoulder, Who'Re's way. It seems he's ready to wrap this up. But Who'Re isn't satisfied with such a short interview. She gives a stern look indicating he should press forward. He returns focus onto Peter Vaughn and flashes a nervous smile~
Cheasy M: That should certainly be exciting. I would try and guess who the person is but...
~His voice trails. Peter Vaughn is in no mood for a 'guessing game' and Cheasy is smart enough to realize that~
Cheasy M: Brim seems pretty hellbent on hurting you at Quarantined. I'd imagine you're hoping to avoid being stuck in a cage with him, right? And, while we're on that subject, who would you most like to be paired with to start the match?
Peter Vaughn: Brim is a Neanderthal. I bloodied him once, I'd happily do it again. He may be a large oaf, but he's the worst of the trio, not near the same league as Duce or Byson. As for who I'd want to start with...
~Vaughn considers it for a moment, with a flash of pain crossing his eyes before he blinks it away.~
Peter Vaughn: Many of these wrestlers have shown their contempt for me. But only one... only one tried to hide it from me, even as he worked to hold me down and keep me from having success. Only one stabbed me in the back... and that's Mike Zybala.
~Cheasy seems surprised by this. Or, well, maybe the reasoning more than the answer~
Cheasy M: Really? I mean, I get it if you're looking to team with him for a two person advantage. But it...it sounds like you want to hurt him. It's always seemed to me that Zybala has been your biggest supporter.
~Vaughn is shaking again, as he works through these new-found emotions. He talks raggedly, almost as if the words are hurting him.~
Peter Vaughn: Mr. Zybala.... Zybala... he always acted like he was on my side. But now, now I've been shown the truth. Zybala used me, just like he's used others before me. When I look back on it... I don't know how I could have been so naive.
~Vaughn shakes his head subconsciously, seeing everything that's happened through his 'new' way of thinking.~
Peter Vaughn: Who was it that had Matt Meyhu attack me and steal my title, ending my first Outsiders reign? It's Zybala's company, right? The man attacked me with vicious animals whenever he could, torturing me, while ensuring that HE got the pushes in the GCWA. I was his minion, not his friend. And now he was expecting me to do it again... expecting me to just protect him and help him win...
~Vaughn rises to his feet, as Cheasy inches backwards, looking back at Who'Re for guidance. Surprisingly, though, Who'Re seems to have left the room.~
Peter Vaughn: I'm NOT anyone's puppet anymore! My eyes have been opened, and I'm seeing everything so GOD DAMN CLEARLY!!
~Using the Lord's name in vain, coming from someone like The Janitor, is almost surreal. Vaughn turns to the camera, ignoring Cheasy, who quite frankly seems relieved by it.~
Peter Vaughn: The world's about to change, as the new dynasty begins... if any of you dare underestimate me again... you'll pay for it. You'll pay!
~Vaughn turns and knocks over the chair he was sitting on, sending it flying back. He then storms out of the room, as the camera focuses back on Cheasy.~
Cheasy M: We'll, um...we'll be right back.
~Cheasy leans back in his chair, breathing a sigh of relief. We cut to commercial~
Check out Brim's Second Promo for Quarantined
"Unknown: Stepping Out Of The Shadows"
~The opening chords of Real Good Looking Boy by The Who start up (Lord Allton no longer uses the song as his theme music so y’know everything is fine there) and pictures flash up on screen with people with absolutely awful acne. Pizza Face would not be enough of an insult for these people. However, before OCW Piledriver viewership are collectively physically ill, we open to ‘Perfection Personified’, himself laying on a massage table with cucumbers over his eyes. An attractive masseuse is dealing out some massages when she looks up and sees the camera crew~
Masseuse: Hey! You can’t be in here!
~Dylan takes in a deep breath, removing the cucumbers~
Dylan: Huh? Oh. Valerie, it’s alright. They’re with me. You can go.
Masseuse: But Mr. Thomas…!
Dylan: You. Can. Go.
~Dylan shoos Valerie out of the door before turning his attention back to the camera crew~
Dylan: I’m Dylan Thomas. No, not the famous poet but rather the very famous pro-wrestler. And this is my new show within Wednesday Night Piledriver. Perfection Personified Grooming. Ahead of my win at OCW Quarantined, I’m here to show you that you too can become almost as perfect as me. Now, you saw those awful pictures in the titles just now right? Acne-ridden assholes that look too much like Ed Houston and Mike Zybala. But my friends, I as your Messiah of Perfection have some great news! It does not have to be this way!
~Dylan gets up off the table and heads towards a sink with some moisturiser nearby. He picks up the moisturiser and squirts a blob into his hand. He applies the moisturiser as he talks, looking into the mirror with a smirk~
Dylan: Simply by applying a great smelling moisturiser with all of the right ingredients for your skin. I personally like to use all natural based ingredients just also with a hint of cucumber just to give it that extra…..perfect edge. You want to apply it evenly in a nice circular motion and, that my friends is really about it.
~Dylan turns to face the camera and smiles~
Dylan: I’m ‘Perfection Personified’ Dylan Thomas, the Messiah of Perfection and OCW’s newest and brightest MVP, teaching you all how to be….almost as Perfect as me.
~Dylan winks and Real Good Looking Boy starts up again, as we fade out. We return to the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: Everybody has a method to their madness. It’s nice to see Dylan Thomas giving his body and brain some time off before we hit the final stretch heading into Quarantined.
~Camera cut. Cheasy shifts~
Cheasy M: Speaking of that final stretch...here to breakdown the promo action since our last episode is none other than unpaid intern, rumor reporter, and all around okay guy...Leo the High School Intern!
~We cut to Leo. He looks very unhappy. A giant coffee stain is visible on his white, button up shirt~
Cheasy M: Leo, my man! What’s with the sour face?
Leo the High School Intern: I spilled coffee on my shirt.
Cheasy M: Yea? Big deal. Just get a new one.
Leo the High School Intern: I don’t think you understand the magnitude of something like this when you’re a...40 year old unpaid intern.
Cheasy M: Hmm, guess not. Use some white out? Heck if I know...how about those promos? We aren’t paying you to sit here and shoot the breeze!
~Cheasy laughs, reaching over and slapping Leo on the back. Leo grumbles. But, he’s the most professional intern in internship history. So, he proceeds to break down the promos~
Leo the High School Intern: Right. Well let’s kick things off with the veteran in this match, Outcast. Sure, Curt Canon is the OCW veteran, but Outcast has been wrestling for over twenty years. In all those years, he’s failed to reach the top of OCW. A fact that’s apparently infected his dreams.
Cheasy M: Dreams? You’re telling me we can see people’s dreams, now?
Leo the High School Intern: I’m not saying that. I’m simply saying that this match and its opponents are weighing heavily on his mind. He wants this match as bad as any match in his career. He also would like to settle the score with Xavier Lux.
Cheasy M: Yea, I’d heard Lux got the better of him in GCWA.
Leo the High School Intern: Yep. So while Outcast is remaining focused on everyone, you can rest assured that he’ll have his eye out for Lux. In fact, i’m sure he’s hoping the two get placed together in one of the cages to start off the match.
Cheasy M: That would certainly be an interesting choice by our GM, Who’Re.
Leo the High School Intern: Moving on to Mike Zybala. The former OCW commissioner seemed to turn his focus this week onto Ed Houston, while running around inside the OCW Arena.
Cheasy M: Oh yea?
Leo the High School Intern: Yep. Zybala is apparently slightly salty over the fact Ed refused to stick with the Meteor movie franchise. Apparently Zybala feels that Ed’s failure to stick with it prevented the franchise from being a massive, global...perhaps, interstellar, hit.
Cheasy M: Don’t mess with another man’s money. I’ve always said.
Leo the High School Intern: Yep. So while Zybala is one of the less ‘angry’ wrestlers in this match...I’ve got a feeling he wouldn’t mind landing a Superkick into Ed Houston’s chin.
Cheasy M: I’m sure the superkicks will be flying on June 20th!
Leo the High School Intern: And then there’s Peter Vaughn. Our precious Pete. We opened things up with him mowing someone’s lawn. Something I’m sure Chad Vargas would call “Classic Peter Vaughn!” And, well, that’s when things took an unexpected turn…
Cheasy M: Yea, what’s with the guy. He was on here earlier and I swear it was like he was in the parking lot eating bath salts with Alice Knight and her army of homeless.
Leo the High School Intern: Well, turns out the lawn belonged to his mysterious mentor. Vaughn met him in the basement where the mysterious mentor aired various clips of all the negative things his opponents have been throwing his way. Including some warped comments from the only friend he has in this match, Mike Zybala.
Cheasy M: That doesn’t seem very wise. Why not lean into that friendship in a match like this?
Leo the High School Intern: Eradicating weakness, is my guess. Anyway, it seems to have worked. Peter Vaughn is developing a ‘me against the world’ mentality which has produced an edge I never thought I’d see in the Janitor’s emotional repertoire.
Cheasy M: I still don’t think he has a chance in hell. But, at least he isn’t walking in there looking to shake hands and share toilet cleansing remedies.
Leo the High School Intern: Then we come to Ed Houston, the former Paradigm Champion. Ed’s been very philanthropic since retiring from GCWA. A life change that has seemed to boost his confidence. He no longer talks or acts like ‘the kid’.
Cheasy M: Yea, helping poor people out will do that. Makes you feel superior.
Leo the High School Intern: Well, I don’t know about that assertation. I’m more of the opinion that stepping into GCWA and out of Meyhu’s ‘big brother’ shadow was the boost he needed to blastoff into a new stratosphere.
Cheasy M: You know you’re not supposed to say bad things about Meyhu on OCW TV.
Leo the High School Intern: Sorry. It also appears Houston thinks Zybala is a fraud, he thinks Outcast is crazy, he doesn’t care for Dylan Thomas, and he believes Xavier Lux is completely overlooking him. Oh, I should also note that Ed has trouble milking cows.
Cheasy M: Good thing that won’t come into play at Quarantined.
Leo the High School Intern: But it does come in handy on farms, pardon the pun. Especially when seeking donations.
Cheasy M: Yea, I guess. Never really been on a farm. Never want to, honestly.
Leo the High School Intern: And then we come to the individual with probably the biggest advantage heading into Quarantined - the element of surprise...Brim. Brim was hanging out in what looked to be a bunker with Byson Kaliban, watching last week’s Piledriver.
Cheasy M: Hot damn! I don’t know why, but for some reason I find myself pulling for this guy.
Leo the High School Intern: Brim has spent most of his abbreviated time in OCW dreaming of violent things he could do to Zybala and Peter Vaughn. However, last week, I think he began to grasp the bigger picture.
Cheasy M: Yep. While revenge is sweet, victory is sweeter.
Leo the High School Intern: That’s the truth. Brim understands what’s at stake on June 20th. He now realizes that outlasting these 7 exceptional wrestlers will do more to honor Duce Jones than any form of violence he could force upon Zybala and Vaughn.
Cheasy M: Brim is a large, dangerous man. You add some focus in there and, who’s to say, you might be looking at the favorite to win the whole damn thing.
Leo the High School intern: And finally, we come to Curt Canon. The only person in this match to ever hold the OCW Title. I’m not sure what to say other than Curt is frustrated. He’s torn.
Cheasy M: Between?
Leo the High School Intern: Between wrestling and retirement. There’s a love for this sport that he can’t deny. However, there’s also a yearning to move on. A sense that the things in his past that he’s always returned to may need to remain where they belong so that he can move forward to conquer new goals.
Cheasy M: That doesn’t sound like a great mindset heading into Quarantined.
Leo the High School Intern: It’s a struggle, for sure. But I’ll have to wait and see what he’s got to say this week before knowing for sure.
Cheasy M: And Dylan Thomas? I saw his third promo hit earlier today.
Leo the High School Intern: I’m gonna hold off on reviewing that one. Save it for next week so I can review all eight final promos in the go-home show for Quarantined.
Cheasy M: Tremendous. So, after two weeks...any thoughts on a favorite? Who needs to finish strong?
Leo the High School Intern; It’s way too close to call, Cheasy. That’s the exciting thing. I’m not sure there’s ever been a match, in OCW, of this magnitude that was this close across the board. I’d advise every competitor to give it their best in this third and final week. The difference between fifth and first will literally come down to the slimmest of margins. The most ridiculous of errors.
Cheasy M: All eight wrestlers, to this point, should be proud. They are redefining what it means to be an OCW competitor.
Leo the High School intern: No doubt the most competitive pro wrestling roster going right now...top to bottom.
Cheasy M: I’d agree. Well, thanks for that report, Leo. We’ll see ya next week.
~Leo nods and returns to staring at his coffee stain~
Cheasy M: And now we head to commercial. When we come back, a look at this week’s updated rankings!
~We cut to commercial~
Check out Curt Canon's Second Quarantined Promo
"The Canon Chronicles pt. 33"
~The scene opens up with a lottery ball machine spinning around with a fair number of balls spinning around inside it. The camera zooms out to reveal “Venom” Xavier Lux standing behind it. He is not looking at the camera but rather at the spinning machine, and he appears to be mesmerized by it. Without taking his eyes off of it, he begins speaking~
Xavier: OCW is part of a well known wrestling federation trifecta. One can be identified with insanity, one can be identified with pure wrestling, and one, OCW, can be identified with…. Bullshit.
~Xavier pauses, looks up to the camera and smirks~
Xavier: My apologies, let me put my personal feelings for my father aside for a second, I know OCW is not Scorpion. OCW ‘IS’ identified with being one of the most innovative, if not the most. From their wrestlers, to their staff to their matches. You only have to look at this Prison Yard match I am involved along with 6 other individuals to see that it is true. But while the match itself is definitely original, one aspect of it is not: the luck of the draw. Who will get paired up with who? How will those matches be set-up? What kind of weapons will there be in each cell? All questions everyone want answered, but I only want to know who will be the unlucky one to end up in a cage, one on one with the Venom.
~The lottery machine stops spinning, the top opens on its own and shoots out a ball which Xavier catches, he looks at the name and then shows it to the camera~
Xavier: Will it be Brimm? Nah, there is no beef there.
~Another ball pops up, again Xavier catches it, looks at the name and then shares it with us~
Xavier: Zybala? This may be a yard match, but not your kind of yard. Next.
~The process keeps repeating itself, ball after ball…~
Xavier: Ed Houston, we don’t have a problem, next? Curt Cannon? Wa-Wa-what could we possibly gain from this? This cannon rusted a long time ago. Dylan Thomas? Pretending to be, won’t help you be.
~Another ball pops up, this one has Outcast’s name on it~
Xavier: Character infringement much? You can fantasize about defeating me, but this is the real world old man, and here we know what has actually happened.
~He throws the ball to the side, another pops up but it is Outcast’s name again~
Xavier: Huh, funny.
~He tosses it aside and gets another, Outcast, he tosses, again, Outcast… This keeps happening until the machine runs out of balls. Xavier, not frustrated at all, crushes the last ball on his hand~
Xavier: Well old yeller, it seems that fate wants me to be the one to put you down. I will gladly ‘take one for the team’ but this time, there is no going back to the fast food joint or the dumps or whatever other hole you want to crawl to, this time, I will put you down for good.
~Xavier dusts his fingers off the ball remains and begins to walk away but then stops, turns back to the camera and smirks yet again~
Xavier: Peter, peter, peter… You are probably wondering why your name didn’t come up, well I thought it would be pretty obvious…. You don’t belong here.
~Xavier shoves the lottery machine out of the way violently and walks off as the scene fades to black. We cut back to the OCW Studio and Cheasy M~
Cheasy M: Strong words from Lux. It's pretty clear that he wants one more shot to put Outcast down for good.
~Our camera angle cuts. Cheasy shifts~
Cheasy M: He's also throwing even more shade on Peter Vaughn.
~Cheasy looks around, making sure that Vaughn is truly gone~
Cheasy M: Let's hope Little Petey doesn't get his custodial panties in a wad over that slight, haha!
~Ah, how brave a man can be when the imminent threat of violence has vanished. He composes~
Cheasy M: And now, let's look at this week's updated standings!
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~Cheasy takese a look at the standings~
Cheasy M: And there they are! Week 3 Rankings! As you can see, Dylan Thomas not only maintains his spot at the top, but he increases his lead!
~The Dylan Thomas fans (Lissandra and Lord Allton...maybe Dave) rejoice~
Cheasy M: Mike Zybala and Peter Vaughn both jump Xavier Lux, in that order. Which rounds out our top four.
~We get into the lower half~
Cheasy M: Outcast with a nice move, claiming the fifth spot. Ed Houston dropping a spot to sixth. And, rounding out the list are Curt Canon and Brim.
~Our camera angle cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: So, there you have it. This week’s rankings. What do they mean? Card placement. The higher you are on this list the better chance you have at competing for the OCW Title at our next show. Don’t like where you’re placed? Segments. Newswire posts. CD pieces. All of these can boost your score!
~Cheasy stacks some papers before spinning to his left. The camera cuts, landing on the right angle. Cheasy stares into the camera. A giant hyphen is behind him~
Cheasy M: Before we continue with tonight’s broadcast, I’d just like to address what’s being referred to as HYPHENGATE.
~The camera cuts. Cheasy shifts. We now see HYPHENGATE behind him with a bunch of words strung together via hyphens and squiggly, red lines beneath them~
Cheasy M: Fans. Writers. And, most importantly, pro wrestlers. Hyphengate is a lie. It is propaganda aimed at tricking individuals into thinking they can cram ten thousand words into a two thousand cap. Let me state very clearly, for the record. You cannot hyphen a bunch of words together, making it one word. It’s unethical. It’s unprofessional. Hell, it’s downright unimaginable. But, most importantly of all, it’s inhumane.
~Cheasy shuffles and stacks his papers~
Cheasy M: So please, OCW fans. Whatever do. Don’t over-hyphenate. Just say no, to hyphengate.
~He stares, seriously into the camera for a few seconds. The HYPHENGATE image vanishes as we move on to our next story~
Cheasy M: Fans...Quarantined is almost here. The night OCW returns to its rightful place at the top of the pro wrestling landscape. Be sure to order the Pay Per View right here on Youtube. Not only will you receive the Prison Yard Match but you'll also get to see who accepts Sara Syren's TransAtlantic Championship Open Challenge.
~A brief shot of Sara Syren standing over THE JUDGE after capturing her belt is shown~
Cheasy M: Names from all over the industry are lining up hoping to get picked as the person to face Syren at Quarantined. And, no, they aren't named Mack O'Connor.
~We get a shot of Who'Re nodding. Her hate for Mack grows by the day~
Cheasy M: OCW legends are ringing up the office in anticipation of this event. At least three Hall of Famers are confirmed to be in attendance on June 20th. Quarantined will have everything...in-ring action, surprises, impromptu promos...this could go down as the greatest event in company history.
~Our camera angle cuts. Cheasy adjusts, smiling into the lens~
Cheasy M: Who will show up? What will go down? Certainly not my ex-wife, if you know what I mean.
~Boy oh boy his humor is something~
Cheasy M: Be sure to…
~Something distracts Cheasy. He side glances to his left~
Cheasy M: I mean. Make sure you…
~We hear voices to his left. Our camera cuts to the distraction. OCW GM Who’Re is listening intently to Grace Rimmer. Her eyes widen~
Who’Re: She’s here? Already?
~Grace nods. Who’Re promptly exits the OCW Studio. We cut back to Cheasy~
Cheasy M: Uh. Er. What do we do, here?
~Cheasy has to make a call~
Cheasy M: Wel, this IS a news show. So I guess...follow her?
~Instant cut. A camera crew is following Who’Re. She’s too excited/in a hurry to notice. She moves with a purpose, directly to her office. She tears the door open and enters. The office isn’t empty. Standing inside is Pro Wrestling star and Social Media sensation Vhodka Marie. We hear gasps from the camera crew as well as the studio. We cut back to Cheasy~
Cheasy M: That’s Vhodka Marie! The rumors are true!
~Grace Rimmer, with TransAtlantic Champion Sara Syren, dart into view, ordering that the broadcast be cut. It is. Black~