Wednesday, May 26th, 2021
Taped from the OCW Studio
Episode #2
~A Youtube Ad plays. It’s some bullshit about YoutubeTV. You’re still paying way too much for cable, so you tune it out. Tired of hearing how STUPID you are for overpaying for an outdated service. It ends. You hope. But, you know. You know another ad is coming and...yup, there it is. Dafuq? It’s an ad for manscaping? That’s kinda strange. Especially considering you’re female. The hell is with these algorithms. Oh, and, hey...shoutout to all the ladies who love OCW! The ads end...we see that moisturizing OCW logo...it fades into the freshened up, reorganized Piledriver news studio. Cheasy M sets behind his desk...or, kinda. The back of his chair is pointed at us...a groovy little tune plays before a loud, gameshow voice booms~
Voice: Welcome to Piledriver! And now, your host...Cheasy M!
~On cue, Cheasy M spins his chair around, facing us. He smirks, makes the click sound with his mouth, and points at the camera. We zoom in on his not-so-ugly face~
Cheasy M: I’m Cheasy M and you’re watching Wednesday Night Piledriver. Brought to you by…
~The ad ends. Our view is at a far more comfortable distance. Cheasy shuffles his papers~
Cheasy M: We’ve got a loaded show for you guys tonight. News. Notes. An update on Mack O’Connor. And, an exclusive interview with OCW star Dylan Thomas. Alongside him, the always lovely Lissandra.
Cheasy M: Aren’t they a lovely couple? Can’t wait to get them in studio for some hard hitting questions! But first...lets dig into the OCW archives. Why? To profile a deceased Hall of Famer who has a strong connection to a participant in the Prison Yard Match.
Cheasy M: What? No. Xavier Lux isn’t deceased. I’m speaking about his father. For those of you out of the loop, Xavier Lux is the son of OCW legend, Scorpion.
~Cheasy looks up at the Scorpion image. Memories of Scorpion’s in-ring accolades flash across his eyes~
Cheasy M: It was the summer of 2000. OCW was struggling to break through. They were, like most up and coming promotions, small and indyish. They had a few stars...most notably Tah Murdah and D Double D. One star, however, stood above the rest - Lurrr. Doing his pal, Dean, a favor...Lurrr signed with OCW, a fed far beneath a wrestler of his status. And he, of course, dominated.
~An image of Lurrr holding the OCW Title is shown~
Cheasy M: But, a promotion cannot rest upon the shoulders of one star. It needs an adversary to that star. It needs a rival. It needs a competitor equal to or better than its cornerstone. And, soon, OCW would find that competitor. Scorpion entered OCW after a successful run in ICWF. He was, by far, OCW’s biggest ‘outside’ signing to date. His presence helped elevate OCW from indy to regional status...and eventually, beyond.
~Cheasy M grabs a Scorpion action figure, placing it on his desk. Not sure why he has that or why he feels like showing it off...but, whatever. Its description makes for a good break in between paragraphs~
Cheasy M: OCW Owner, Dean wouldn’t let his rivalry with Scorpion get in the way. Nor his personal relationship with Lurrr. He saw talent and he let that talent rush to the top. On July 21st, 2000, Scorpion would face Lurrr for the OCW TV Title. He would go on to defeat Lurrr, earning the TV Title and setting the stage for OCW’s most heated rivalry.
~We see a blank screen~
Cheasy M: Sadly, the footage of this match was lost during the great collapse of Geocities. Or, maybe Lurrr had it destroyed when he was owner for that one month back in 2014. Regardless...I promised footage and footage I shall deliver. A little over a week later, the undefeated Scorpion would carry his TV Title into a triple threat at No Limits with the United States title as the ultimate prize. In his way stood two of OCW’s top talents, Logan Caine and Brodie Young. Would Scorpion walk away with his second championship in four matches? Let’s head to the footage and find out!
~ “2 Wickey” by Hooverphonic hits the PA and the fans begin to boo as they see “Big Time” Brodie Young make his way down to the ring area~
Warrick: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is a Three Way Submissions Match! The winner gets the US Title, and second gets the TV Title. Introducing first, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, standing 6’8” and weighing in at 276 lbs…….. “BIG TIME” BRODIE YOUNG!!!!!
~ “Seek and Destroy” by Metallica begins to play and the fans stand and watch as Logan Caine makes his way down to the ring~
Warrick: On his way to the ring, from Cleveland, Ohio, standing 6’3” and weighing in at 275 lbs, he is the OCW United States Champion…….. “THE FRANCHISE” LOGAN CAINE!!!!!
Warrick: And their opponent, from Central America, standing 6’4” and weighing in at 260 lbs, he is the OCW Television Champion…….SCORPION!!!!!
~The bell rings and Caine and Young look at each other and then look at Scorpion. They both go after Scorpion together. Scorpion begins to punch and kick wildly at the both of them. He first knocks Caine to the ground and then goes after Young. He grabs Young and whips him into the ropes. Young bounces off, Scorpion puts his head down and lifts Young up high in the air and Young comes down hard on his back. Scorpion then walks over to Young, but is hit from behind by Caine~
Smith: Scorpion is at a huge disadvantage here, he is fighting two members of B.U.F.F.!!
Hood: Yep, that is why Scorpion will walk out tonight without any gold whatsoever!
Jones: Don’t be so sure Hood, don’t be so damn sure!
~Caine now grabs Scorpion and pushes Scorpion into a corner. Caine begins to punch and kick away at the body of Scorpion. Young gets up and joins in the attack, together they beat on Scorpion. Caine then steps back and Young lifts Scorpion back up to his feet. Caine then walks over and stands in the corner on the opposite side of the ring. Young then whips Scorpion towards that corner. Caine comes running out and meets Scorpion in the middle of the ring with a vicious clothesline~
Smith: What a vicious clothesline by Caine, and Scorpion must be in some serious pain right now!
Hood: He sure is, those two members of B.U.F.F. are doing a number on his sorry ass!
Jones: Damnit! This just isn’t fair, it just isn’t fair!
~Caine now goes to the outside and he tells Young to continue to beat on Scorpion. Young begins to stomp and kick on the body of Scorpion. Young picks Scorpion up and hooks him for a suplex, but Scorpion blocks it. Scorpion then knees Young in the gut and drops him with a quick implant DDT. Meanwhile, Caine has grabbed a chair on the outside and is sliding into the ring with it. Caine sees Young down and out on the mat, with Scorpion crawling to the ropes. Caine just shakes his head. Caine then sets the chair up in a corner. He goes over to Scorpion and kicks him in the face a couple of times. Caine then whips Scorpion into the corner where the chair is, but Scorpion reverses it and Caine goes diving head first into the chair, the crowd begins to cheer loudly~
Smith: What a reversal by Scorpion, he has both Brodie Young and Logan Caine down and out on the mat!
Hood: Shit! Get up Franchise! Get up and beat that piece of shit!
Jones: Too late Hood, Scorpion smells blood, haha!
~Scorpion now walks over to Young, who is still laying face first in the middle of the ring. Scorpion grabs his legs and hooks him in a sharpshooter and Young begins to scream with pain. The ref gets in his face and asks for a tap out, but Young doesn’t. Scorpion keeps applying the pressure of the sharpshooter into the back of Young. Young tries reaching for the ropes, but is in the center of the ring and too far from any set of ropes. Young is about ready to tap out, when Caine gets to his feet and walks over to Scorpion. Caine kicks Scorpion in the face and Scorpion releases the hold. Young just crawls into a corner and tries to regain his composure. Meanwhile, Caine continues to kick away at the body of Scorpion~
Smith: Scorpion had Brodie Young ready to tap out and that jerk Logan Caine messed it all up!
Hood: Hey! Who are you pulling for here Smith?
Smith: I just wanna see a fair match!
Hood: It is a three way! That was f’n fair!
Smith: Whatever!
~Caine now lifts Scorpion to his feet and pushes him against the ropes. Caine begins to chop away at the exposed chest of Scorpion, leaving huge welts on Scorpion’s chest. Scorpion bends over, holding his chest in pain. Caine then knees Scorpion in the face, and Scorpion falls to the ground. Caine now grabs the legs of Scorpion, turns him over and applies a boston crab. The ref checks for a tap out. Scorpion’s face shows the pain that he is enduring. Scorpion fights and fights. Caine applies more and more pressure. Young is over in the corner clapping and cheering Caine on. Scorpion then reaches for the ropes and his fingers graze them. Scorpion reaches and reaches. Young sees that Scorpion is way too close and gets up. But, before Young can get there, Scorpion’s hand reaches the ropes and the ref forces a break of the hold. Caine gets up and starts yelling at Young and Young gets defensive~
Smith: Brodie Young couldn’t make the save, and look, the two B.U.F.F. members are just about at each others throats!
Hood: Come on guys! You can’t win that way! Chill Out!
Jones: haha, I love it, those two dumbasses are wanting to fight each other, haha!
~While Caine and Young are arguing, Scorpion pulls himself to his feet using the ropes. He looks over at Caine and Young and sees them arguing. Scorpion then runs and puts a shoulder into Young, and he bumps into Caine. Caine gets hurled into the ropes and is about to go over. As he is going over, he starts to wiggle and try to switch his momentum. In the process, his leg gets caught in the ropes and he is left there hanging. Scorpion sees this and then goes after Young. Young is on his feet and is shaking the cobwebs out of his head. Scorpion walks over to him, Young tries to punch Scorpion, but Scorpion blocks it and kicks Young in the gut. Scorpion then picks up Young and drops him with a DVD. Young is laid out in the middle of the ring. Scorpion then grabs his arms and locks him in The Stinger~
Smith: The Stinger! Scorpion has got Brodie Young locked up in the Stinger! He has to tap out, that move is too painful!
Hood: Shit, get Caine’s foot out of the ropes, hurry, somebody do something!
Jones: Come on Young, tap out you pussy, tap out!
~Young tries reaching for ropes, but he is in the center of the ring. Scorpion applies more and more pressure, the ref keeps asking for a tap out. Meanwhile, Caine is starting to get lose from the ropes. Caine’s foot is almost out and Scorpion sees this. Scorpion then applies one last surge of pressure and Young screams loudly and finally taps out and the ref calls for the bell. It rings and Scorpion releases the hold. The ref then gets some backstage officials to escort Brodie Young out of the ring and back to the locker room area. They do and the ref calls for the match to continue. Caine’s foot is barely in the ropes and Scorpion walks over there. Scorpion unhooks Caine’s leg and Caine falls into the ring head first. Caine then gets up to his knees and pleads with Scorpion not to hurt him~
Smith: Brodie Young is eliminated and now Scorpion has Logan Caine on the run!
Hood: Oh Shit! This is not looking good at all, come on Caine, beat his ass like you can!
Jones: One down, one to go for the master of the Venom!
~Scorpion just laughs and walks nearer Caine, Caine then swiftly nails Scorpion with a low blow and Scorpion drops to his knees. Caine then hops to his feet and begins to laugh and mock Scorpion. Caine lifts Scorpion to his feet and backs him into a corner. He then shoves his foot into the throat of Scorpion and begins to choke the life out of him. The ref then steps in and forces Caine to stop, and Caine does. Caine now lifts Scorpion and places him on the top rope. Caine hooks him for a superplex, he lifts Scorpion up, leaps off the top turnbuckle and drops Scorpion with a perfectly executed Superplex, Scorpion holds his back in pain~
Smith: What an athletic move by the US Champ, he really put a hurtin’ on Scorpion with that tremendous Superplex!
Hood: He sure did, that is why he is the US Champ, and that is why he is in B.U.F.F.!!
Jones: Damnit! Scorpion needs to mount a rally here!
~Caine now gets back to his feet and stand over Scorpion. Caine then pulls Scorpion back to his feet and lifts him on his shoulders. He holds Scorpion there for awhile and then he drops Scorpion with his version of Scorpion’s Venom. Caine then stands over Scorpion laughing at him~
Smith: And look at Logan Caine, he is mocking Scorpion, right to his face, you just don’t do that against a man as dangerous as Scorpion!
Hood: Smith, when you are in B.U.F.F., you can do just about any damn thing that you please!
Jones: Well, it will come back to haunt him, mark my words Hood!
Hood: Shut the Fuck up you nerd!
~Caine now lifts Scorpion up and turns Scorpion so his back is facing Caine. Caine then applies a Full Nelson onto Scorpion, but Scorpion lifts his leg up and nails Caine right in the nuts, Caine releases the hold. Scorpion now faces Caine, turns him around, hooks his arms and drops him in the Stinger, in the middle of the ring, the fans begin to cheer slightly~
Smith: The Stinger! He has the Stinger on Logan Caine now! Scorpion has it locked in good and in the middle of the ring!
Hood: Get out of it Caine, get out of it, come on you can do it!
Jones: No he can’t, no he can’t!
~Caine fights for all he is worth to break free or get to the ropes, but he is just too far. The fans look towards the ramp in anticipation that B.U.F.F. will come down to the rescue, but nobody is too be seen. Caine fight and fights and fights, but Scorpion just increases the pain more and more. Caine finally with what little strength that he has left, taps out and the bell rings, with the ref raising the hand of Scorpion~
Warrick: Here is your winner…..AND NEW OCW UNITED STATES CHAMPION….SCORPION!!!!!
~The ref forces Scorpion to release the hold and he does. The ref then hands him the US Title and Scorpion holds it up and leaves the ring. The ref then lays the TV Title onto the body of Logan Caine. We cut back to Cheasy M~
Cheasy M: What a match! The early 2000’s were a wild ride, for sure. Nothing like reliving fond memories. Scorpion is a pillar upon which the modern OCW is built. His son, his progeny, Xavier Lux will look to follow in his father’s footsteps on June 20th by capturing the OCW Championship. He’s a threat, folks. If you weren’t aware, now you are. Don’t sleep on Lux.
~We cut to another angle. Cheasy shifts in his chair~
Cheasy M: Speaking of the big return event ‘Quarantined’, taking place on June 20th. It will feature a match unlike any other in OCW history. Four rings, set up against one another, comprising a giant square. Each ring surrounded by a steel cage. Two wrestlers in each ring. A ref in each ring. Eliminations happen when a wrestler is pinned, submitted, or exits the cage. All four titles on the line.
Cheasy M: I for one can’t wait! Let’s take a look at the progress within the OCW Arena.
~We cut to inside the OCW Arena. Lots of work is underway. All the blood and guts from BLOODYMANIA has been cleaned up. The Knife Man is busy instructing several laborers on how far to push the barricade back. It, apparently, needs to be four times its usual size. Chalk outlines, on the ground, show where each ring is to be placed. Several cage walls are spotted in the background, leaning up against each other, shiny and sharp...ready for construction. We cut back to the studio~
Cheasy M: As you can see, preparations are well underway.
~We cut to another angle of Cheasy~
Cheasy M: Eight wrestlers will step into OCW’s massive death trap with one emerging holding the biggest prize in the game. One of those wrestlers is with us, here tonight. OCW fans, please join me in welcoming “Perfection Personified” Dylan Thomas and the eternally lovely Lissandra Thomas.
~Dylan emerges on stage, to Cheasy’s left. Cheesy stands and shakes hands with the wrestling prodigy. He offers Lissandra a hug, but she goes for a handshake, instead. Cheesy laughs it off. Dylan and Lissandra take a seat, Dylan closest to Cheasy. Cheesy plops down in his chair and spins, facing Dylan~
Cheasy M: Thanks for agreeing to appear on Piledriver, Dylan. Lissandra, a pleasure to have you, as well. How does it feel stepping out of GCWA and into OCW? Compare and contrast the differing landscapes, if you don’t mind.
Dylan: Wait wait wait.... Is your name seriously Cheasy? For fuck's sake...
~Dylan shakes his head, looking at Lissandra who leans back in her chair with a smirk.~
Dylan: Well 'Cheasy'... believe it or not, we used to tune into OCW. I'm sure you remember The Dravers idiots and Robert Morbidus the living horror movie? We know them from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back. But we can't wait to make OCW Perfect again.
Lissandra: GCWA was a great place and it's just a shame that it shut down when it did. We could have done so much more there. Oh well, it is what it is.
Dylan: I can't wait to show OCW what the Messiah of Perfection can do. And I've heard that Ed Houston and Mike Zybala have also signed up for the Prison Yard match?
Lissandra: I can confirm that baby, yes.
Dylan: Good. Good
~Dylan leans back and sips a glass of water. Cheesy M’s practiced smile hasn’t left his face - despite being jabbed a couple of times by the supremely confident Dylan and Lissandra Thomas~
Cheesy M: That is correct. In fact, Ed Houston returned last week...right here, on Piledriver when he seemed to run Mack O’Connor out of OCW. What kind of impact Ed replacing Mack will have in the Prison Yard Match?
~Dylan looks at Cheasy with a smirk.~
Dylan: The impact of my Perfect Finisher destroying his stomach... again. Ha!
~Lissandra smiles.~
Lissandra: We've had our dealings with Mr. Houston previously as we are in no doubt that you are aware, Cheasy. Having him in the match will certainly allow Dylan to right some previous wrongs.
Cheasy M: I can imagine. Not to scratch at a scabbed wound, but if memory serves, he successfully defended his GCWA Title against you in the main event at one of GCWA’s premier Pay Per Views. But that was then, this is now. How about the other seven contestants? Any thoughts on the threats they pose?
~Dylan takes another sip of water whilst nodding his head~
Dylan: Memory serves you correctly. Thanks for that... That night was just before our daughter Lilly was born. It should have been the best night of my life but Ed had to go and ruin my party mood. Anyway, as you say, that was then. This is now.... Babe?
~Lissandra pulls out her phone and begins to read off each other person in the match~
Lissandra: Brim.
Dylan: Am I supposed to know who that is?
Lissandra: Curt Canon.
Dylan: Curt's coming out of retirement is he? Shame I'll put him back into it... and do the rest of the wrestling world a favour. I've never had the chance to lock horns with Canon, that should prove fun.
Lissandra: Outcast.
Dylan: Another relic of the wrestling retirement home...Why not bring in the Danger Boiz and make it a decrepit quartet?
~Dylan pauses at this, shaking his head~
Dylan: Actually no. Crazy Chris would just steal one again.
Lissandra: Xavier Lux.
Dylan: Mr. Lack of Personality? He's here? Jesus Christ....OCW must be desperate!
Lissandra: Mike Zybala.
~This name strikes a chord within Dylan but he manages to maintain composure~
Dylan: Zybala. We went to war over in the GCWA. You said that you were just like the coronavirus - that you wouldn't leave me be. I guess that's true. The three of us may have a mutual friend in Lord Allton but I know he'll be backing me to win at Quarantined. As well he should.
Lissandra: ....And Peter Vaughn.
Dylan: What the fuck? Shit you guys really are desperate! Hey, Pete! How's your stomach?
~Cheasy M laughs at Dylan’s derisive remarks regarding Peter Vaughn~
Cheasy M: A janitor, right? Haha. I guess he’s really going to MOP up the competition, am i right? Would he call his in-ring success Fabuloso??
~Cheasy quickly catches on that neither Dylan nor Lissandra are laughing at his jokes. So, he clears his throat and returns to a more level demeanor~
Cheasy M: If it were me, Dylan...I’d have you as the clear cut favorite to win the OCW Title at Quarantiined. I’m just saying. Speaking of the OCW Title. What are your thoughts on Mack O’Connor vacating the title and backing out of the match? Do you still expect him to show up at Quarantined?
~Lissandra stares blankly at Cheasy's feeble attempt at kissing Dylan's ass and shakes her head~
Lissandra: You know, at least when Hood talks about Dylan and me, he does it with style. Such a darling man!
~Dylan takes a moment to ponder Cheasy's question, leaning back in his chair with one leg crossed over the other's knee~
Dylan: It really depends on if he wants to get paid or not. As Who'Re said... I would say that he no longer cares about the business but hell. He does have a point, much as I hate to admit it. What other than getting drunk off of his ass on an hourly basis has the man got to do? Still... That's not my problem. I'm not here to worry about Mack O'Connor. Next.
~Cheasy leans in, trying a different route of flattery. He looks intrigued, highly interested~
Cheasy M: Excellent point, Dylan. Never thought of it that way. He is a drunk. And, he’s got nothing better to do. I’d agree. He’ll definitely show at Quarantined. Now, during your run in GCWA the legendary fed enjoyed a tremendous roster full of names from all over the globe. However, here in OCW, the roster is limited to a mere 8 in-ring competitors. Do you think this limits or enhances the product? And, do you think OCW management will stick with the 8 person cap OR will they splurge if a few ‘can’t miss’ prospects express interest in competing?
~Dylan smiles broadly at this remark~
Dylan: Cheasy... they've already got the power couple that matters. Lissandra and myself. You said it yourself man... I am a wrestling prodigy. A prodigy! Who gives a fuck about the rest of them? I was the FIRST ever GCWA North American Champion! The first one! I did what everyone said couldn't be done, I dethroned Crazy Chris as the X-Division Champion. Frankly just with Lissie and I being here OCW viewership has gone up five fold. Go on, check the figures.
~Dylan smirks~
Dylan: Having an eight person roster just gives the people of the Dylan Section more chance to look at their favourite superstar.
~Cheasy M sits upright and claps~
Cheasy M: I’ll be right there with them, in that section for those who are perfection personified!
~Dylan and Lissandra, again, aren’t really buying into the facade. So, Cheasy M calms down and returns to being a ‘host’~
Cheasy M: Four titles, eight wrestlers. A 50/50 shot at walking away with gold. Will you be content by merely cashing in on one of those four belts or is it OCW Title or bust for you?
~Lissandra leans over to Dylan and whispers in close~
Lissandra: God, I wish Dave were here to kick this guy's ass.
~Dylan merely smirks at what Lissandra says and turns his attention back to Cheasy~
Dylan: Obviously I play for keeps Cheasy. The OCW title would be awesome. I have more talent in my little finger than all of the other 'men' put together. But I digress... Let's look at this realistically. Eight guys all in one match, four leave with fuck all while the other four head away as champs. I am the personification of the fabled brass ring - but I'm also not an idiot. I'll be content as a champion. OCW or otherwise...
Lissandra: Oooh honey, that was vague as hell.
~Dylan and Lissandra smile at one another~
Lissandra: We know how this game is played Cheasy. Now ask a proper question.
~Cheasy M leans back, stroking his mustache. He’s impressed. He pounds his fist on the desk, lightly and points their way~
Cheasy M: I gotta admit. Couple of pros, right here. If you could make one prediction for Dylan Thomas in OCW...what would it be?
~Dylan leans forward, deep in thought~
Dylan: Hmmm...That I single handily am going to bring the viewership to the once prestigious OCW.
Lissandra: And as we said, that's already working. I would also like to add one more.
Dylan: What's that, baby?
Lissandra: Six months from now, when Dylan has the OCW Heavyweight Championship around his waist...IF it doesn't already happen at Quarantined due to shoddy refereeing or whatever. We will be the ones to bring OCW back from the dead.
~Cheasy grabs his phone and stares at the screen~
Cheasy M: Well, based on those comments...it seems as though OCW’s stock just rose 150%!!
~Cheasy laughs. Nobody else joins him. His laughter quiets~
Cheasy M: I’m just kidding. OCW stock doesn’t exist. Well, Dylan...and Lissandra, this has been the greatest interview in Piledriver history. One final question and it’s the easiest to ask, maybe the hardest to answer...where do you see OCW and Dylan Thomas one year from now?
Lissandra: Certainly in better shape than it currently is now that we're here. OCW doesn't have stock....yet. Work with the DT Brand Who'Re if you're watching this. We'll get OCW on its feet.
~Dylan smiles~
Dylan: Doubly so when I win the OCW title.
~Dylan and Lissandra stand up~
Dylan: Cheasy... can I do a shoutout while we're here?
~Cheasy leans back and extends his arms in an inviting gesture~
Cheasy M: By all means. Inject some Perfection into Piledriver.
~Cheasy’s phrasing is weird, but whatever. Dylan stares blankly at Cheasy but hastily shakes it off~
Dylan: .....Thanks. Yeah uh... Dave... I know you're watching this from somewhere man, we hope your Mom gets well soon! Sorry you couldn't be with us during the OCW run, but we love you bro!
~Lissandra has a look of genuine compassion in her eyes as she looks at the camera~
Lissandra: Yes, David... See you soon!
Dylan: Thanks for the interview time, Cheasy. It was... it was...
Lissandra: It was certainly something.
~Dylan smiles clasping his wife's hand. The two then shake Cheasy's hand one more time. Cheasy eagerly shakes back. He’s so excited to feel ‘accepted’ by this powerful duo. He turns, facing the camera, flashing his pearly white, practiced smile~
Cheasy M: And, big Dave, if you’re watching...which I’m sure you are...remember that Cheasy M is a big fan of yours.
~He turns his focus onto Dylan and Lissandra~
Cheasy M: Guys...it was an absolute pleasure. Scratch that. An honor to have you on. I’ll be pulling for Perfection Personified on June 20th at Quarantined. Best of luck!
~Dylan and Lissandra produce fake smiles of their own. Living out in Hollywood, they're used to them~
Dylan: Thanks.
~Dylan and Lissandra walk away and as they head towards the door, Dylan leans into Lissandra~
Dylan: What a toolbox.
Lissandra: If only Hood was the host, eh?
~Cheasy hears Dylan’s disparaging comment but no-sells it. He stares into the camera...his soulless, TV-host eyes wide and full of nothing~
Cheasy M: Dylan Thomas and Lissandra. The true power couple of OCW, everyone. We’ll be right back!
Catch Dylan Thomas' First Quarantined Promo
"Being Solemn, new opportunities and old friends. Dylan 1"
Click Below!
~We cut back to the OCW Studio. Cheasy M is shaking with excitement~
Cheasy M: Less than a month away! I don’t know about you guys, but I can hardly contain myself. Feel like an 18 year old on prom night!
~That joke barely registers on the ‘laugh’ scale~
Cheasy M: Now, I’m sure you all remember what took place one week ago. Mack O’Connor cashed out his OCW chips in favor of cashing in some of that social security he’s due, am I right?
~Cheasy better hope Mack isn’t watching~
Cheasy M: But seriously. He vacated the OCW Title and left after an abrupt confrontation with Ed Houston. OCW GM Who’Re seemed adamant that he appear at Quarantined, fulfilling the contract he signed. So, what’s Mack up to? I’m told we have some footage…
~Mack O'Connor walks into his house in Los Angeles, CA. He immediately looks around, taking in the home he spends so much time away from.~
Mack: Finally home.
~Mack walks through the living room to the kitchen. He calls out to his house sitter.~
Mack: Hey Julie! You here?!
~She responds from behind the closed bedroom door.~
Julie: Yeah! I just got out of the shower! Give me a second!
Mack: Is London in the yard?
Julie: I left him in the garage.
Mack: The garage? Why the garage?
Julie: So he wouldn't poop in the house.
Mack: Why didn't you just let him outside?
Julie: Because then he'd poop on the grass!
~Mack takes a heavy breath, dropping his bag on the kitchen counter before turning towards the door to the garage.~
Mack: Jesus...
~Mack opens the door to the garage and flips on the light. He immediately sees London, his black lab retriever, rush over to him. He smiles, petting the dog.~
Mack: Good to see you, boy.
~He spends a few moments petting the happy dog. He then looks up at a mantle where his two championship belts were previously hanging. He gave the World Title back to OCW management, but he left the other one (The TransAtlantic Title) hanging on the wall. It was now gone. Mack stands up and walks back into the house just as Julie walks out of the bedroom, now fully dressed.~
Julie: Hi.
Mack: Hey, did you do something with the TransAtlantic Title?
Julie: The what?
Mack: The TransAt-... The Championship Belt hanging in the garage. Have you seen it?
Julie: Oh yes... The belt... I... Um...
~She fails to hold back a smile~
Julie: Okay... I wanted it to be a surprise, but I can't wait.
Mack: Spill it then.
~Julie's smile spreads across her face~
Julie: Okay, so a door-to-door salesman came by. A door-to-door belt repair salesman. I personally didn't have any belts that needed repair, but your big gold belt in the garage looked like it could use some work. When I showed it to him, he said he knew exactly how to shine it up. He didn't even ask for a down payment. It was perfect!
~Mack stares at her in complete and utter disbelief.~
Mack: A door-to-door salesman... A belt repair door-to-door salesman... When was this?
Julie: Two weeks ago I think. On a Monday.
Mack: Did you get any contact information so you could check on the status of the belt?
Julie: Didn't need to. He had really kind eyes.
Mack: Right...
~Mack storms into his office. Julie following close behind. He turns on the monitor to his surveillance system and quickly scrolls through the clips. He finally stops and looks at an image.~
Mack: This is the guy? This one right here?
~Julie looks, and we all see the man: Greg~
Julie: Yep, that’s him. Such a nice man. Sexuality oozed from his skin.
~Mack glares at her before storming back out of the office~
Mack: FUCKING WHO'RE!
~Julie looks appalled~
Julie: I didn't sleep with him!
~We cut back to the OCW Studio. Cheasy M shakes his head~
Cheasy M: What’s up, Julie. I think it’s easy to see why Mack retired, am I right?
~Cheasy lets out a long, suggestive whistle~
Cheasy M: Life is good when you’re a Hall of Famer. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his TransAtlantic Championship. Wish I could help him with that one…
~Cheasy shifts his eyes. He knows. Most everybody who’s been watching knows...Sara Syren holds the TransAtlantic Championship. Props to Greg for recovering it~
Cheasy M: I’d be surprised if Mack didn’t come looking for that championship. For whatever reason, it seems near and dear to his alcohol damaged heart. It’s a good thing Greg has cozied up to our General Manager.
~Someone hisses. Cheasy’s head jerks in that direction. We get a quick shot of Who’Re, glaring. Cheasy’s eyes widen~
Cheasy M: I mean. What I meant was. Ya know what, nevermind. Let’s move on to what’s been taking place with our roster members this week. Here to discuss this week’s out-of-ring action is unpaid High School Intern, Leo!
~We pan over to spot Leo the High School Intern. He’s at least forty years old by now~
Leo The High School Intern: Happy to be here, Cheasy. You look shockingly good for your age, by the way.
Cheasy M: That time when the ENTIRE STAFF of OCW’s plane went down in the middle of THE JUNGLE. Remember that? Well, I learned some beauty tips after being adopted by a local tribe.
Leo The High School Intern: Really? Wow.
Cheasy M: Yep. It was a torrid two weeks in that jungle. Too bad Bifford’s rampant malpractice forced us to re-emerge from the jungle and reclaim OCW. But, that’s ancient history. Tell us about your thoughts and opinions on what Mr. Thomas has been up to this week.
Leo The High School Intern: Well, for those of you unfamiliar with Dylan Thomas, he’s obsessed with his training. The pro wrestling profession is his life. So, it should come as no surprise that he’s spent most of the week detailing his upcoming match and the 7 opponents he’s set to face.
Cheasy M: It always helps to be prepared. At least, that’s what my ex-wife used to shout at me after five seconds in heaven would take place in our bedroom.
Leo The High School Intern: Right. It was also nice to see Lord Allton, among others, joining up with Dylan and Lissandra, aiding him in his scouting. With Dave Branson away in France due to family matters, Dylan is going to need to rebuild his support group.
Cheasy M: Sounds as though he’s done just that. And, if there’s one thing Lord Allton knows that Dylan Thomas doesn’t...it’s how to win a match in OCW.
Leo The High School Intern: True. Lord Allton did defeat Da Boom in a Social Distance match at Infection. Although, I doubt very much any of that ‘experience’ will aid Dylan in the Prison Yard Match.
Cheasy M: Any potential concerns?
Leo The High School intern: A few. Dylan seems very busy in his personal life, what with his wife Lissandra and their young child. Could take some of his focus from his usual preparations. Ed Houston and Mike Zybala look to be his primary focus, at this time. It makes sense, given the history they have from GCWA. However, in a match like this, unless you’re paired, initially, with someone in one of those four rings...there’s no guarantee you’ll ever cross paths. He also seems to have great disdain for Peter Vaughn.
Cheasy M: Can’t say I blame him. Vaughn is only in this match due to a technicality, allowing Zybala to bring an Outsider into OCW with him.
Leo The High School Intern: Yep. But never count somebody completely out...especially in a match like this. Weird things can and often do happen.
Cheasy M: And, speaking of Vaughn, I’m told there’s an update on how he’s progressing.
Leo The High School Intern: There is. I’m told Peter Vaughn is taking this opportunity more seriously than any critic is taking his chances at finishing anything other than last. He’s been working out with someone who, from what I’m told, knows a thing or two about pro wrestling.
Cheasy M: Tony the Spider? Uber Man? Richard??
Leo The High School Intern: You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t laugh at such a lame joke. People are sleeping on Vaughn and I’m here to tell you that is a big mistake.
Cheasy M: Yea, well OCW has had strange champions, no doubt. Bifford, Silverfreak, that Farthington fellow. A Janitor holding OCW gold wouldn’t be that big a stretch.
Leo The High School Intern: Nope. He’s bided his time for years, at this point. This is, by far, his best shot at breaking through. He began his training by climbing the side of a mountain.
Cheasy M: Are you sure it wasn’t a rockwall at the local playground?
~Leo is unamused~
Cheasy M: Ah, I’m just messing with ya. I’m sure Vaughn will be great come June 20th! Any final thoughts before we let ya go, Leo?
Leo The High School Intern: Obviously, Dylan and Vaughn are out in front at this time. But I look for a lot more action to take place before next week’s show.
Cheasy M: Thanks for that report, Leo! Hopefully, we can get you paid one day.
~Cheasy laughs, heartily. Leo grumbles under his breath~
Cheasy M: Hang tight, folks. We’re just about done here...after this commercial break!
~We cut directly to a medical room. It looks like ICU. Laid up in a bed, hooked into all types of medical contraptions is the bandaged, mostly concealed face of former OCW GM, Marcus Welsh. The machines beep. He’s apparently alive. Albeit, unresponsive. There isn’t a nurse in sight. A light knock at the door followed by a knob turning eventually reveals Welsh arch-nemesis and current OCW roster member, Mike Zybala! Zybala is carrying a box of chocolates...he tip toes in and takes a seat next to Welsh~
Zybala: Marcus?? Maaaarcus?? You awake Marky Mark?
~Zybala pokes Welsh with his free hand. No response. Getting tired of holding the box of chocolates, Zybala sets it down nearby, not paying attention that he accidentally placed the box on an IV. The tube is gently yanked out of Welsh's arm and the fluid sprays everywhere~
Zybala: Oh shit! Oh geez! Oh geez! I'm gonna be nauses! Nurse! Nurse!
~A moment later, a man in scrubs comes rushing in. He's about to ask what happened, but a frantic Zybala just points at the rampant IV. The nurse rushes over and handles the situation, using a new needle and sticks it back into Welsh. Zybala looks mortified at what he did. He is about to leave when he hears Welsh moan. Zybala stops and looks at Welsh~
Nurse: Sir. Do you have a pass to be in here?
~Zybala, leaning in to make out what Welsh is about to say - if anything, does what he can to get the Nurse off his back. He offers him the chocolates. Hopefully the guy isn't diabetic or lactose intolerant. The Nurse eyes the box~
Nurse: Are these...
~Zybala nods, affirmative~
Nurse: There aren't any...
~Zybala nods, confirming there aren't~
Nurse: Well, alright then.
~The Nurse takes the bribe and exits. Zybala keeps his focus on Welsh. Welsh moans...his mouth opens~
Marcus Welsh: M...M...M...
~His right eye (closest to Zybala) struggles, opening slightly~
Marcus Welsh: M...M...
~Zybala helps out~
Mike Zybala: Yes. It's Mike. I'm here.
~Welsh's eye opens a little bit wider, getting Zybala into focus~
Marcus Welsh: M...Mike?
~Zybala nods affirmatively~
Zybala: Yeah Marcus, it's Mike. I figured that I better check on you, especially after what Greg and Who'Re did to you. How are you feeling, buddy? You don't look to good, if I'm being honest.
~Zybala gives Welsh a once over. He hasn't seen Welsh look this rough since after their match at Mayhem on the Midway. Zybala smiles at the memory, but Welsh thinks the smile is for him~
Zybala: I did bring you chocolates, but I had to bribe that nurse. "Do I have a visitor pass?" Pfft. Like I stopped at the security desk. They probably wouldn't have let me in. But seriously, how you feeling?
~Welsh tries to talk but his body just isn't really up for it. Zybala understands, reaching out and patting Welsh, tenderly, on his heavily bandaged chest. Welsh reaches out, slowly, and grabs Zybala's hand with both of his and he does his best to smile~
Marcus Welsh: Mike.
~Zybala smiles down at Welsh, though it's hard to read if it's a kind smile or not~
Zybala: That's right, Marcus. Mike is here to help take gooood care of you…
~We cut back to the Piledriver Studio featuring Cheasy M~
Cheasy M: Oh boy. I don’t know what to make of that. At least Marcus Welsh is alive, right? I kept waiting on Zybala to yell “It’s Alive! IT’S ALIIIIVEEE!” haha
~Cheasy completely overacts the famous line. Doesn’t stop him from laughing at his portrayal. Once finished, he receives a sheet of paper and refocuses, staring into the lens~
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~The Standings show clear as day on a screen behind Cheasy. He looks over his shoulder, studying them for a moment before turning around and addressing what he’s seen~
Cheasy M: Dylan Thomas off to an early lead. Peter Vaughn narrowly taking 2nd with Zybala and Houston at his heels. The rest of the roster...well, they’ve been hibernating. However, I expect things to heat up.
~The standings give way to the Piledriver logo~
Cheasy M: Just remember, roster members. You can throw down Creative Development pieces. Newswire posts. Send in segments for Piledriver or the current month’s Pay Per View. Request an interview for Piledriver. All of that along with posting your promos and finding success in the ring make up your ranking. What are rankings good for? Figuring out card placement for the next show.
~Cheasy stacks his papers together before sliding them to the side~
Cheasy M: And I’m afraid that’ll do it for this week’s episode of Piledriver. Thanks so much for tuning in. Big shoutout to Mack O’Connor, Dylan Thomas, and Mike Zybala for their contributions. We’ll be back next Wednesday for another episode of Piledriver. Until then, keep it Cheasy!
~We fade out~