Wednesday, May 19th, 2021
Taped from the OCW Studio
Episode #1
~A shitty Youtube ad ends. Unfortunately, ANOTHER ONE BEGINS TO PLAY. It ends. That orgasmic OCW logo flashes. The famed Wednesday Night Piledriver logo pops up...it fades into a very shabby, hastily built OCW ‘studio’. Seated behind a barely functional desk is none other than former OCW Commissioner and failed screenwriter - Cheasy M! Yes, with an a. He’s got a plaid sports coat on. His brown hair remains surprisingly thick. His teeth are shockingly white. His smile is harder than a porn star’s erection. A douchey jingle finishes playing. He speaks~
Cheasy M: Hello OCW fans! Welcome back to Piledriver! It’s been, what, twenty years? Feels about as long as my second marriage.
~A drummer does that comedic beat, letting everyone know what Cheasy just said was a joke. We can’t hear if there’s laughter or not...since there is no audience, aside from those watching at home and a few stoic ‘journalists’ with premier passes to this event. But we will assume his humor was met with ubiquitous guffawing~
Cheasy M: Thank you, Thank you. It’s great to be back...last time you guys saw me was when the OCW staff got lost in THE JUNGLE. Bifford was forced to run the place. A few ice skating mules later and, well, Dean emerged from the jungle to take back over and yadda yadda...here we are. Speaking of Jungles...what’s the deal with the Rainforest? Is it rain? Or is it a forest? I don’t get it!
~Okay, that one was pretty bad. We can’t even pretend one person at home is laughing. One sane person, anyway~
Cheasy M: Ah. We’re gonna have so much fun together. Piledriver is being presented as a bridge between shows...to keep things from getting too quiet. We’re going to preview and review. Preview the upcoming Pay Per View event while reviewing all the promos and actions the roster experiences from week-to-week. And, should any active member wish to appear on this show...all they need to do is submit a request our way. This show is for all active members...feel free to join in. At least, that’s what my wife would say to all my friends!
~Sheesh~
Cheasy M: The big news this week is the announcement of an 8 person roster along with OCW’s next PPV event, Quarantined. All four titles on the line! Brim, Curt Canon, Dylan Thomas, Mike Zybala, Outcast, Peter Vaughn, and Xavier Lux. Talk about talent! But that’s not all...returning to defend his OCW Title is none other than 2 time OCW Champion, former Savage Champion, former Paradigm Champion...sheesh, this guy has held more belts than a contestant on the biggest loser. Ladies and miscreants...he’s Mack O’Connor!!
~Mack rethinks partaking in this interview, giving Cheasy a serious side glance. But, he’s there and a bottle of Jameson is in front of him, nestled neatly next to his spectacular, shiny OCW Championship. He takes an aggressive sip before speaking~
Mack O’Connor: Hi…
Cheasy M: Mr. O’Connor! So great to have you with us today.
Mack O’Connor: Yeah, I guess.
Cheasy M: So I’m sure you’re aware of your competition this time around. The roster has been announced, and its comprised of some of the toughest SOBs we’ve seen around here. How do you feel about it?
~Mack shifts uncomfortably~
Mack O’Connor: Look, maybe I didn’t make myself clear in the green room… I don’t want to be here. I just came out of respect. But I have no intention of sticking around. I’m not sure what my contractual obligations demand of me, but I don’t have any desire to defend this belt in that ring. I’m more than content to just pass it on.
Cheasy M: Pass it on? I remember saying that more than a few times back in college, right?
~Apparently somebody in the OCW production room woke up and hit the ‘laughter’ button...canned laughter fills the studio. Mack looks even LESS thrilled about being part of this~
Cheasy M: But, seriously. An 8 person roster cap...how great was it knowing that you were one of the 8 targeted to take part in this exclusive run?
~Mack performs a half shrug. He leans back, snaring the Jameson with one hand and slapping the desktop with his other~
Mack O’Connor: Honestly? Tiring. Feel like I’ve been doing this shit forever at this point. What’s there left to accomplish? Defeat seven guys so I can retain what I already have? What I’ve won twice, at this point? I’m in the Hall of Fame. I’ve won basically every title in this company. What’s left to conquer? What’s left to get excited about?
~Nervous chuckle from Cheasy. He looks to his side...our camera darts that way for a split second to catch a shot of an annoyed Who’Re. Greg is to her left, Sara Syren to her right. Our view shifts right back onto Cheasy~
Cheasy M: Heh...Mack, I mean, c’mon. The thrill of potential victory! The adrenaline of competition! You’re home, man! How about a little excitement?
~Mack stares at the camera. We’re not sure if he heard Cheasy M or not. Instead, he takes a deep sip of whiskey. A contemplative sip. When the bottle pulls from his lips, they are positioned in a frown~
Mack O’Connor: Nope. I’m just not feeling it. And I know how these wrestling ‘contracts’ work. All sorts of words and verbiage meant to keep me in the ring but, ya know what...I don’t think I wanna do this anymore.
~Audible gasps from the reporters in the room. Cheasy M’s usually chatty demeanor turns taciturn. Mack grabs his title and turns toward Who’Re~
Mack O’Connor: In fact…
~Before Mack can finish, a loud commotion breaks from the back of the room. A door is violently kicked open...we catch the back half of the impact due to a delayed cut. A familiar face storms in. He storms past the reporters, right up to the set. Taking a step up, he confronts Mack. The desk separating them. Instinctively, Mack pulls his belt back...along with his whiskey, protecting two prized possessions. Cheasy M wheels his chair away from what’s brewing. The familiar face belongs to former GCWA Champion - Ed Houston~
Ed Houston: Sounds to me like you’re over the hill. Sounds like you know you can’t defend that title so you’re just gonna give it up like a worthless, scared, old man.
~Ed reaches forward, shoving Mack. O’Connor nearly falls out of his chair...he would have, had it not been for the wheels underneath the legs. Instead, it tilts and wheels backward. Ed hops over the desk, removing all that stood between the two. Mack rises out of his chair. The reporters grow anxious. Cheasy M is more than a little nervous~
Ed Houston: C’mon. Do something.
~Ed gives Mack a violent shove. He nearly tumbles backward, over his chair. Frustrated, he finishes off the Jameson and tosses the bottle aside. He grabs his chair and hurls it against the wall. He steps up to Ed~
Cheasy M: Guys. C’mon. This is a professional wrestling news show. We don’t want any violence. Save it for the ring.
Ed Houston: Easy for you to say. I wasn’t even invited to be part of this 8 person roster. All so this ancient, worthless relic could piss and moan like a drama queen.
~Mack’s heard just about enough. He gives Ed a violent shove. Ed stumbles into the desk. He fires back with a third shove. Mack gets ready to act...but security, led by Sara Syren, gets in the way. The faceless security guards contain Ed while Sara Syren bodies Mack, sending him crashing into the backdrop of the set. His body thuds against a thick wall behind the yellow curtain. Rubbing his right shoulder after the impact, he eyes Syren...his focus suddenly darts Who’Re’s direction~
Mack O’Connor: Seriously?
~Who’Re steps into view, feeling safe. Greg is behind her~
Who’Re: I don’t know why you’re causing all this trouble, Mack. All you had to do…
Mack O’Connor: Me? Causing trouble?? Man, you know what…
~Mack stares at the OCW Title. He then surveys what’s around him...the NEW OCW. He looks at Who’Re. He looks at Sara Syren. He looks at Cheasy M. He looks at the faceless security guards being overly gentle with Ed~
Mack O’Connor: That’s it. I’m out.
~Who’Re leans in, as though her hearing isn’t operating correctly~
Who’Re: Excuse me? Are you serious?
~Mack moves to hand Who’Re his OCW Title. Sara blocks him in a threatening manner. He scowls. Disgust crosses his face. He tosses the belt at Who’Re’s feet~
Mack O’Connor: Yep. I don’t want to do this anymore.
~Mack marches off set. He hops down and makes his way past the reporters, toward the door Ed kicked in. Who’Re yells~
Who’Re: You’re still obligated to show up for one, final appearance. It’s a one month deal, you know!
~Mack continues walking, paying her no attention~
Who’Re: You’d better be at Quarantined, Mack!
~Mack slams the door on his way out. He gives no reply. Ed bends over, he picks up the OCW Title and stares into it before handing the elusive title to Who’Re~
Ed Houston: Looks like you need an 8th competitor for the Prison Yard Match.
~Who’Re pulls out a sheet of paper with several names on it. It’s the WAITING LIST. She eyes it...she looks at Ed~
Who’Re: Alright, Ed. You’re in. Congratulations.
~Satisfied, Ed shakes hands with Who’Re. Cheasy M relocates his vocal cords. We zoom in on him to end the show~
Cheasy M: Wow! What started as a standard interview turned into a massive breaking news story! Mack O’Connor is out. Ed Houstin is in! The OCW Title has been vacated! Mack is obligated to show up to Quarantined...in some capacity. Will he? And, if he doesn’t, what will happen to him?
~Everything around Cheasy is in the process of being composed, put back together, cleaned up~
Cheasy M: And that’s about it for the first edition of Piledriver! We’ll be coming to you every Wednesday during this OCW run for interviews, segments, and reports on all that’s going on in OCW. See you again next week as we’ll have plenty to report on, I’m sure! Until then, keep it cheasy, everyone!
~I mean, not the greatest slogan but, whatever. We fade out~