Breaking News: Ian Bishop Surprises Dean; Talks About Revenge
We find the OCW cameras tonight at the Headquarters in President Dean’s office signing a plethora of papers and talking on the phone. He frantically pushes a stack of papers to the side as he leans forward, rubbing his forehead, frustrated from his current phone conversation.
President Dean: Listen sucka, I need you to do everything in your power to stop this lawsuit from happening, alright? I got enough on my plate with Vargas attacking Grenier, Bifford tipping the scales and all of Alice’s demands. Get it done Killface!
Dean hangs the phone up and takes a big sigh, hoping to finally get out of the office early for once. He collects his things and gets up from his desk but is interrupted by a knock on the door with a familiar voice calling out.
???: Would President Dean be available?
President Dean: I was actually getting ready to leave--
Without anymore words, the doors to his office swing open as none other than OCW Hall of Famer, and 2014 OCW Heel of the Year “the Incredible One” Ian Bishop enters his room with a smirk on his face as Dean can’t believe it.
Ian Bishop: Great, just wanted to make sure you were here.
President Dean: Ian, man, great to see ya… listen, it’s almost midnight, maybe I can book ya first thing next morning?
Ian Bishop: Pfft. You think I’m up at the crack of dawn, Dean? All this time, I’d thought you know who I am. No, we talk now.
Dean just kind of looks at Ian, half wondering if he’s being serious and half realizing he had forgotten what a smug jackass the OCW Hall of Famer can be. Dean’s eyes move down to the current Revenge lineup, spotting a few holes in the card. He swallows a bit of pride and responds.
President Dean: Right, let’s talk.
Ian smiles widely as he launches himself in the chair in front of Dean’s desk as he begins to speak.
Ian Bishop: So, first off, I need to get something off my chest about the award show. I don’t normally admit this, but you made me pretty emotional about the whole thing. It’s hard to bring up, so I guess I’ll just say it… WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT WRESTLER OF THE FUCKING YEAR?! YOU GAVE IT TO THAT MUNDO MASKED MOTHERFUCKER? C’MON DEAN! SO WHAT IF HE WENT UNDEFEATED, I WAS THE WRESTLER OF OCW 2014, WE ALL KNOW THIS! FUCK!
Dean moves around to the front of his desk and leans up against it, pulling a cigarette from out of his coat pocket. He places it in his mouth, chewing on the unlit smoking device.
President Dean: You want to be Wrestler of the Year? Fine, sign up and prove you deserve to be Wrestler of the Year for 2015.
Ian frowns at Dean, as he obviously won’t answer his question about the previous year he worked his ass off for. He scratches his beard as he continues.
Ian Bishop: Fine. Speaking of 2015… I see you are in need of some star power. I mean, I look at your current roster, ick, it looks rather thin. It could use some REAL wrestlers, if you know what I mean? How about it, eh? Bishop back in OCW?
President Dean: Sounds good to me…
Dean slides the Revenge lineup to the edge of the desk and points at a match slot.
President Dean: The Ascension Title Match is in need of an extra participant. Ashe Dawson can put on a really good match, someone I think you’d mesh well with.
Mister Incredible cocks an eyebrow as he looks at the lineup and stares at the ‘Ascension Title Match’ spot, then back at Dean, then back at the sheet of paper. All of a sudden Ian starts bursting with laughter as he slaps his knee and wipes tears away from his eyes.
Ian Bishop: Oh my god, Dean… Hah! That’s a good one. Man, you’re a fucking comedian. Oh… I can’t breath. Hilarious…
Ian pauses for a moment to catch his breath but when he does he looks at Dean with a rather serious expression.
Ian Bishop: If you actually think I’d accept terms to an Ascension match, you’re the same fucking stupid person I talked to MONTHS ago. Ascension means to rise, I’ve already risen Dean, I’m in the fucking Hall of Fame, my ‘nigga’. So let me tell you what were’ going to do… I see Mack O’Connor doesn’t have an opponent yet for the OCW World Championship match. Well, now you got one.
Dean shoves the Revenge lineup away in frustration.
President Dean: Chad Vargas and Bob Grenier are competing in a #1 Contenders Match for the right to face Mack O’Connor in the Main Event of Revenge. So, that spot is taken...taken by two individuals who approached me, as businessmen, expressing their desire to compete in the new OCW. They didn’t just waltz into my office with all the arrogance of a man who takes himself too seriously, expecting red carpet treatment.
Dean pauses for a moment before continuing.
President Dean: You may not be competing in the Ascension Match but you will DEFINITELY not be facing Mack O’Connor for the World Title.
Ian rolls his eyes at Dean’s response, before taking out a cigarette of his own to smoke.
Ian Bishop: So you are putting OCW’s Most Underrated of 2014, Bob Grenier, and a man who didn’t win any awards, Chad Vargas, against Mack O’Connor, but you’re refusing the man who won FOUR awards and should’ve been Wrestler of the Year, the main event of your return pay per view?
Ian scoffs at the thought as he gets up and begins to pace back and forth. Dean shakes his head, knowing a classic ‘Ian Rant’ was about to begin.
Ian Bishop: Do you remember who main evented your first OCW pay per view of 2014, Dean? I did! Do you remember who walked out that night champion? ME! So you’d rather put Grenier or Vargas in a SECOND match of the evening so Mack can come out on top easier instead of putting probably the biggest wrestling free agent on the fucking market in that match? That’s got to be the biggest pile of garbage of a plan I’ve ever heard in my entire life. So I’m going to ask you to reconsider again, Dean. I agree Grenier and Vargas can still compete for the number one contender’s spot but they face the winner of O’Connor vs. Bishop at the second OCW event of 2015.
Ian takes a puff of smoke and blows it right into Dean’s face, followed by a wink as he sits back down in the chair with a smile.
President Dean: You know, smoking those things can kill you...which is why I chew them.
There is a brief moment of silence as both men in the room are pretty sure Dean is wrong about that. Realizing it’s inconsequential, they move forward.
President Dean: Everything you’re saying is correct...you did headline several events starting off 2014, which I thank you for. But I’ve done this before...I’ve brought guys back, Syrens, Lurrrs, Biffords and thrust them into the Main Event due to accolades earned the previous year. Trust me when I say, sucka, it does not end well. Assuming the Ascension Title match is out of the question, how about you compete in the FIRST EVER SUB ZERO MATCH? That would be cool, huh?
Ian Bishop: And have my nuts frozen off? I like the ability to fuck women, thank you very much. Listen, I don’t think you’re getting this, ‘dawg’, so let me come down to your level. I AM THE DOLLA BILL YO. I AM THE SWAG AND THE P.I.M.P. Do you not get it? It’s like I’m talking to a fucking monkey here.. HELLO DEAN, WAKE THE FUCK UP! You’re saying no to ME, the Incredible One, which I honestly can’t believe… so, I mean, if you’re refusing me the World title Match, you better have something better then the “Freeze your Nuts off Match”.
Dean stands up and hurls his pruned, wet cigarette into the trash can next to his desk. He takes a seat in his chair, runs his hands over his head before coming to a conclusion.
President Dean: Hall of Fame Title Match against Lurrr? Would that satisfy your insatiable thirst for fame, glory and other accolades you probably aren’t worthy of receiving at this time?
Ian rubs his chin, thinking for a moment as he makes his eyes more narrow than an Asian man during the process. He opens them back up again, looking a little pleased.
Ian Bishop: I may be able to live with that… I think you’re making a big fucking mistake not putting me in the main event, but I guess you’re the boss… which may be a mistake too-- ANYWAYS. So yeah, alright, Hall of Fame title match it is… deal?
Dean tears open a drawer to his left and unearths a form. He flips it in Ian’s direction. The form lands neatly on Ian’s lap.
President Dean: Fair enough, just fill that shit out and pay our medical team a visit. If they clear your ass to compete, you will face Lurrr at Revenge for the OCW Hall of Fame Championship.
Ian Bishop: ...what do you mean, clear my ass? I’m ready to compete man, I don’t need this shit.
President Dean: Look, just because OCW has been dormant for the past several months doesn’t mean I haven’t been paying attention to this wacky world I helped build. I know you’ve been injury prone over at Broadway Wrestling...or Boardplay...or, it doesn’t matter. What matters is I can’t have a guy die on me in the ring in the middle of a signature, high profile match. So, get cleared or get lost.
Ian huffs and puffs as he crumples the paper in his coat pocket.
Ian Bishop: Fine… it was just a fucking small bump to the head.
Ian goes to leave the office before turning back to say one last thing to Dean.
Ian Bishop: This has been fun. I enjoyed calling you a monkey again. The nostalgia. Later, dawg.
Ian finally exits the office of President Dean. Frustrated, Dean picks up his office phone.
President Dean: Yea, get me Dr. Shaidee.
Dean waits to hear the voice of OCW’s company doctor as our scene comes to a close.
President Dean: Listen sucka, I need you to do everything in your power to stop this lawsuit from happening, alright? I got enough on my plate with Vargas attacking Grenier, Bifford tipping the scales and all of Alice’s demands. Get it done Killface!
Dean hangs the phone up and takes a big sigh, hoping to finally get out of the office early for once. He collects his things and gets up from his desk but is interrupted by a knock on the door with a familiar voice calling out.
???: Would President Dean be available?
President Dean: I was actually getting ready to leave--
Without anymore words, the doors to his office swing open as none other than OCW Hall of Famer, and 2014 OCW Heel of the Year “the Incredible One” Ian Bishop enters his room with a smirk on his face as Dean can’t believe it.
Ian Bishop: Great, just wanted to make sure you were here.
President Dean: Ian, man, great to see ya… listen, it’s almost midnight, maybe I can book ya first thing next morning?
Ian Bishop: Pfft. You think I’m up at the crack of dawn, Dean? All this time, I’d thought you know who I am. No, we talk now.
Dean just kind of looks at Ian, half wondering if he’s being serious and half realizing he had forgotten what a smug jackass the OCW Hall of Famer can be. Dean’s eyes move down to the current Revenge lineup, spotting a few holes in the card. He swallows a bit of pride and responds.
President Dean: Right, let’s talk.
Ian smiles widely as he launches himself in the chair in front of Dean’s desk as he begins to speak.
Ian Bishop: So, first off, I need to get something off my chest about the award show. I don’t normally admit this, but you made me pretty emotional about the whole thing. It’s hard to bring up, so I guess I’ll just say it… WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT WRESTLER OF THE FUCKING YEAR?! YOU GAVE IT TO THAT MUNDO MASKED MOTHERFUCKER? C’MON DEAN! SO WHAT IF HE WENT UNDEFEATED, I WAS THE WRESTLER OF OCW 2014, WE ALL KNOW THIS! FUCK!
Dean moves around to the front of his desk and leans up against it, pulling a cigarette from out of his coat pocket. He places it in his mouth, chewing on the unlit smoking device.
President Dean: You want to be Wrestler of the Year? Fine, sign up and prove you deserve to be Wrestler of the Year for 2015.
Ian frowns at Dean, as he obviously won’t answer his question about the previous year he worked his ass off for. He scratches his beard as he continues.
Ian Bishop: Fine. Speaking of 2015… I see you are in need of some star power. I mean, I look at your current roster, ick, it looks rather thin. It could use some REAL wrestlers, if you know what I mean? How about it, eh? Bishop back in OCW?
President Dean: Sounds good to me…
Dean slides the Revenge lineup to the edge of the desk and points at a match slot.
President Dean: The Ascension Title Match is in need of an extra participant. Ashe Dawson can put on a really good match, someone I think you’d mesh well with.
Mister Incredible cocks an eyebrow as he looks at the lineup and stares at the ‘Ascension Title Match’ spot, then back at Dean, then back at the sheet of paper. All of a sudden Ian starts bursting with laughter as he slaps his knee and wipes tears away from his eyes.
Ian Bishop: Oh my god, Dean… Hah! That’s a good one. Man, you’re a fucking comedian. Oh… I can’t breath. Hilarious…
Ian pauses for a moment to catch his breath but when he does he looks at Dean with a rather serious expression.
Ian Bishop: If you actually think I’d accept terms to an Ascension match, you’re the same fucking stupid person I talked to MONTHS ago. Ascension means to rise, I’ve already risen Dean, I’m in the fucking Hall of Fame, my ‘nigga’. So let me tell you what were’ going to do… I see Mack O’Connor doesn’t have an opponent yet for the OCW World Championship match. Well, now you got one.
Dean shoves the Revenge lineup away in frustration.
President Dean: Chad Vargas and Bob Grenier are competing in a #1 Contenders Match for the right to face Mack O’Connor in the Main Event of Revenge. So, that spot is taken...taken by two individuals who approached me, as businessmen, expressing their desire to compete in the new OCW. They didn’t just waltz into my office with all the arrogance of a man who takes himself too seriously, expecting red carpet treatment.
Dean pauses for a moment before continuing.
President Dean: You may not be competing in the Ascension Match but you will DEFINITELY not be facing Mack O’Connor for the World Title.
Ian rolls his eyes at Dean’s response, before taking out a cigarette of his own to smoke.
Ian Bishop: So you are putting OCW’s Most Underrated of 2014, Bob Grenier, and a man who didn’t win any awards, Chad Vargas, against Mack O’Connor, but you’re refusing the man who won FOUR awards and should’ve been Wrestler of the Year, the main event of your return pay per view?
Ian scoffs at the thought as he gets up and begins to pace back and forth. Dean shakes his head, knowing a classic ‘Ian Rant’ was about to begin.
Ian Bishop: Do you remember who main evented your first OCW pay per view of 2014, Dean? I did! Do you remember who walked out that night champion? ME! So you’d rather put Grenier or Vargas in a SECOND match of the evening so Mack can come out on top easier instead of putting probably the biggest wrestling free agent on the fucking market in that match? That’s got to be the biggest pile of garbage of a plan I’ve ever heard in my entire life. So I’m going to ask you to reconsider again, Dean. I agree Grenier and Vargas can still compete for the number one contender’s spot but they face the winner of O’Connor vs. Bishop at the second OCW event of 2015.
Ian takes a puff of smoke and blows it right into Dean’s face, followed by a wink as he sits back down in the chair with a smile.
President Dean: You know, smoking those things can kill you...which is why I chew them.
There is a brief moment of silence as both men in the room are pretty sure Dean is wrong about that. Realizing it’s inconsequential, they move forward.
President Dean: Everything you’re saying is correct...you did headline several events starting off 2014, which I thank you for. But I’ve done this before...I’ve brought guys back, Syrens, Lurrrs, Biffords and thrust them into the Main Event due to accolades earned the previous year. Trust me when I say, sucka, it does not end well. Assuming the Ascension Title match is out of the question, how about you compete in the FIRST EVER SUB ZERO MATCH? That would be cool, huh?
Ian Bishop: And have my nuts frozen off? I like the ability to fuck women, thank you very much. Listen, I don’t think you’re getting this, ‘dawg’, so let me come down to your level. I AM THE DOLLA BILL YO. I AM THE SWAG AND THE P.I.M.P. Do you not get it? It’s like I’m talking to a fucking monkey here.. HELLO DEAN, WAKE THE FUCK UP! You’re saying no to ME, the Incredible One, which I honestly can’t believe… so, I mean, if you’re refusing me the World title Match, you better have something better then the “Freeze your Nuts off Match”.
Dean stands up and hurls his pruned, wet cigarette into the trash can next to his desk. He takes a seat in his chair, runs his hands over his head before coming to a conclusion.
President Dean: Hall of Fame Title Match against Lurrr? Would that satisfy your insatiable thirst for fame, glory and other accolades you probably aren’t worthy of receiving at this time?
Ian rubs his chin, thinking for a moment as he makes his eyes more narrow than an Asian man during the process. He opens them back up again, looking a little pleased.
Ian Bishop: I may be able to live with that… I think you’re making a big fucking mistake not putting me in the main event, but I guess you’re the boss… which may be a mistake too-- ANYWAYS. So yeah, alright, Hall of Fame title match it is… deal?
Dean tears open a drawer to his left and unearths a form. He flips it in Ian’s direction. The form lands neatly on Ian’s lap.
President Dean: Fair enough, just fill that shit out and pay our medical team a visit. If they clear your ass to compete, you will face Lurrr at Revenge for the OCW Hall of Fame Championship.
Ian Bishop: ...what do you mean, clear my ass? I’m ready to compete man, I don’t need this shit.
President Dean: Look, just because OCW has been dormant for the past several months doesn’t mean I haven’t been paying attention to this wacky world I helped build. I know you’ve been injury prone over at Broadway Wrestling...or Boardplay...or, it doesn’t matter. What matters is I can’t have a guy die on me in the ring in the middle of a signature, high profile match. So, get cleared or get lost.
Ian huffs and puffs as he crumples the paper in his coat pocket.
Ian Bishop: Fine… it was just a fucking small bump to the head.
Ian goes to leave the office before turning back to say one last thing to Dean.
Ian Bishop: This has been fun. I enjoyed calling you a monkey again. The nostalgia. Later, dawg.
Ian finally exits the office of President Dean. Frustrated, Dean picks up his office phone.
President Dean: Yea, get me Dr. Shaidee.
Dean waits to hear the voice of OCW’s company doctor as our scene comes to a close.
Bob Grenier Presents OCW Web Show Episode 1
We fade into the SportsPlex in Timmins, Ontario, Canada to a rambunctious crowd of about 300. It's a very small town. A woman holds up a sign that says "Bob, You are the Father!" and right beside her is another girl also holding up a sign which reads "Of mine too!". We cut to Hood and Smith at ringside.
Smith: Welcome to Grenier's Rules, Live from.. Canada?!
Hood: Yes, Northern Canada at that. I had a frightening experience with a Grizzly Bear earlier today. Also almost hit a Moose on the 101 with my rental car. I hate Canada.
Smith: Hope you had Moose Insurance.
Hood: Good grief. Someone Get me out of here.
"X Gonna Give it to Ya" by DMX begins to blare throughout the arena as Bob Grenier emerges in all his glory. He makes his way to the ring, On the way down the aisle he kisses the babies of all the unwed mothers in town, for all you know a few of them could be his. Grenier slides into the ring and soaks up the adulation of the small crowd. He asks for a microphone and is immediately brought one by Smith.
Bob: Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to THE FIRST OCW WEB SHOW. We have a lot of action here tonight, but before we begin the festivities, I'd like to ask my Native brothers in attendance to enter the ring and perform a traditional native dance for us.
Hood: Really? This is absurd.
Smith: Timmins is home to many native reserves.
Hood: Well the more you know, Who told you that?
Smith: Bob did!
Hood: Of course.
Bob looks out into the crowd and motions for the natives in the crowd to come into the ring and bless it. They do not move a muscle. It turns out they are drunk, and perhaps huffing gasoline.
Bob: Or not.. You folks just have a good time ok. Enjoy the show. Tell Chief RunningWater I say, Aniish na?
Smith: He speaks Ojibwe! Wow! What a guy!
Hood: I'm tired of this already.
Bob: On February 28th 2015, I will walk out of Revenge the OCW World Heavyweight Champion. It's about time that I got what I truly deserve, I stayed with this company until it burned to the ground, I never abandoned the sinking ship and I was the first fucking one in line when Dean re-opened the doors so you know what, I'd like to thank you Dean, for the opportunity you've given me. I went ahead and did you a favor buddy!
Hood: What could Bob possibly have done for the President of this company?
Smith: I bet it will be magical. Bob Grenier always delivers.
Bob: I went out and I recruited to OCW , the greatest tag team anyone in the history of this business has ever laid eyes upon. Coming down the aisle, from Hollywood, California.. I think.. At a combined weight of.. Well I forget.. Fuck it. It's the Hollywood Brothers, Ryan Hollywood and Hollywood Skyes!!
The two former OCW rejects slowly walk down the aisle, to no reaction what-so-ever. They are incredibly bland and untalented. They climb into the ring and stand face to face with Bob Grenier, looking for a way to prove themselves and re-enter the ranks of OCW.
Bob: Sorry Dean, really the best I can do for you.
The Hollywood Brothers, not looking very menacing, inch closer to Grenier. They are looking for a fight.
Bob: Easy Sparky, Rover, You ain't having a match with me tonight. I'm in the main event later on. I do however a glorious opportunity for you gentleman. If you overcome my challenge here this evening on Bob Grenier Rules, I will walk away. I will quit and the two of you can take my one spot on the roster!
The Hollywood Brothers both nod in unison and are about as amped as two losers who will never make it can be. Bob smiles at them and exits the ring.
Bob makes his way over to the announce table and put's on a headset.
Bob: Ladies and gentleman, Their opponent..
Smith: Who could it be?
Hood: Well this just got interesting.
Bob: Of course it did. I always deliver, Carry this whole company on my Damn back.
The lights go down as The Hollywood Brothers pace around the ring, awaiting their opposition. The opening guitar rift roars through the arena as the fans get to their feet knowing what that sound means. The lights on the stage set pan slowly towards the entrance way where Rachel Valdez comes walking onto the set with a microphone in her hand. She'll pose for a second or two before speaking into her microphone.
Rachel Valdez: "This is Awe.Some!"
At that point with the song kicking into gear, Ricky and Randy Valdez both run through the curtain and straight to the ring, slapping the hands of fans along the way. Rachel Valdez follows closely behind. The three of them all slide under the bottom rope. Ricky and Randy proceed to climb the turnbuckles on opposite sides of the ring. The brothers point to various sections of the crowd to get them excited while Rachel Valdez leans over the top rope to blow a kiss to the fans at ringside.
Bob: It's AWE.SOME!!
Smith: Awe.some will no doubt become the corner stone of the tag team division here in OCW.
Hood: There are only 2 teams. Kind of a weak division.
Bob: Shut up Hood! Matter of factly, I have top secret information about another team possibly showing up in OCW.
Hood: Oh really?
Bob: Yeah, So stop being a choad and enjoy the show.
We start with Ryan Hollywood throwing weak looking strikes at Ricky Valdez, Ricky just laughs it off and whips Hollywood into the ropes, hitting him with a nice clothesline. Ricky picks Ryan Hollywood up off the ground and whips him into the corner, where he proceeds to hit Hollywood with a stinger splash. Ricky climbs to the top rope waiting for a dazed Ryan Hollywood get up and turn around, Ricky leaps and connects with a diving cross body.
Bob: Very Impressive offense, Awe.Some is going places man.
Smith: Former Boardwalk Wrestling Tag Team Champions if I recall.
Ricky tags in his brother Randy who immediately picks Hollywood up and hits an Inverted DDT. He picks him up again and Hollywood is completely gassed. Randy, perhaps feeling a little bad for the poor fuck, pushes him towards his own corner, Where is able to make a tag to the other poor fuck, Hollywood Skyes. Skyes enters the ring like a house of fire..NOT! He is dropped with a Koppu Kick. Skyes goes down hard. Ryan Hollywood attempts to re-enter the ring and is cut off by Ricky, who cracks him with a step up step up enzuigiri. With both opponents incapacitated, Ricky and Randy play up to the cheering crowd. On the outside of the ring Rachel Valdez opens a bag and begins handing out those really annoying hand clapper things you had when you were a kid, to everyone in the crowd. All you can hear is "Clack Clack Clack" over and over again.
Hood: That is so fucking annoying.
Smith: It's Awe.Some! They enjoy getting the crowd involved. It's great for OCW!
Hood: Are you fucking smoking Weed right now?
Bob: Hey, it's my show, I'll do what I want.
Bob takes vicious halls of a nice glass bong while sitting at the announcers desk and Ricky makes the tag to Randy. Randy, lifts and holds Hollywood Skyes in a
powerbomb position. The other team member, Ricky, then jumps from an elevated position and dropkicks the opponent in the face. Once the loud crack is heard, Randy then follows through with a powerbomb.
Smith: They call that the FACE POP!
Hood: I am not a man who is easily impressed, but that was pretty nice.
Bob: *Coughing*
Randy goes for the pin, and we realize there is no referee!
Hood: Who's the idiot who forgot to hire a referee?
Bob: I've been under a lot of stress. Sorry, I got this.
Bob gently removes his headset and puts his bong down. He climbs into the ring to make the 3 count. The crowd cheers and Bob Grenier grabs a mic.
Bob: As if the result was ever in doubt, The winners of the match.. AWE.SOME!!
The crowd pops huge for this promising tag team. They head up the ramp to the back slapping hands with the fans as they go. Bob makes his way back to the booth and puts on his headset once again.
Hood: Aren't you just a jack of all trades tonight?
Bob: Host, Ring Announcer, Commentator, Referee, Next World Champion, I can do it all baby.
Smith: Greatest man Alive!
Bob: HEY! You smoking my weed Hood?
*Commercial*
Bob Grenier stands in the middle of the ring with a microphone.
Bob: Ladies and Gentleman, Tonight we celebrate a great man. A who man who personifies what this business is all about. A noble man, A lover of women, A slayer of vagina and the most incredible performer the industry has ever seen.. All of a sudden the lights dim and a tribute video begins to play on the screen set to the tune of "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac.
We see clips from Bob's OCW debut in April 2014. This was Total Demolition where he battled PerZag, Richard and Vargas for the OCW Internet Title.He nails his Hollinger Park Hangman on PerZag for his 4th pinfall in this 10 minute match. He would come up just short, PerZag would win 5-4. He sits on the mat in disbelief but not defeated.
Bob Grenier would become a staple of OCW programming. We see various clips from Monday Night Massacre. Bob destroys a midget. He DDT's a sheep and
carries a defenseless Altera Moon away, She'd never be seen again.
Clash at the Coast is then featured. The main event featured a Steel Cage Ladder Match between Chad Vargas, Bob Grenier and Scott Syren. Bob Grenier stares down his two opponents with his fists balled. Grenier stands between the ropes and the cage, he leaps up onto the ropes and drop kicks a ladder into Scott Syren's face, busting him open. Rain begins to fall and we see a desperate dive for the Belt hanging above, he crashes through a table. He hit's his Hollinger Park Hangman from the top of the ladder, and later tries to bore a whole through the cage with a ladder to escape with the belt. He would come up short again, but
still does not feel defeated. Syren won that night.
July 7th 2014. Bob Grenier climbs the ladder and retrieves the OCW Internet Championship, finally climbing the mountain. We see Bob turning his back on everyone and joining PerZag to form Power & Worth. We see highlights of vicious hammer attacks on 12 different wrestlers. At Genesis, He would defend his title in an Internet Title on a Cross match in Jerusalem. He hits a 450 Splash from the top of the cross and nearly kills himself, that night his title is saved by Ian Bishop and Knox. Friends of Power & Worth. He would lose the title to Legion 2 weeks later.
Finally we see clips of the Grenier/Vargas fued. They have a short lived tag team known as "The Southsiders". We see clips of them refereeing each others matches and screwing each other over at ever opportunity. We see fist fights and arguments. Pure hatred. Chad Vargas throws Bob Grenier off the top of the Green Monster in Fenway Park, It's a 330 foot drop. The lights come back on.
Hood: Are you crying?
Smith: Leave me alone.
Bob is about to speak, when a mysterious hooded figure walks quickly through the crowd. He pushes fans out of his way with a complete lack of disregard for there safety. The hooded figure jumps the rail and makes a dash for the ring. Bob looks confused.
Bob: I don't know who you are buddy, but the fans sit in the audience. You got no business in here.
The man takes his hood off. It's PerZag! He immediately demands a microphone and does not look happy!
PerZag: WHO ATTACKED ME OUTSIDE OF OCW HEADQUARTERS? I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW! COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME!
Bob tries to calm down his former cohort and friend. PerZag grabs him by the collar and backs him into the corner, Screaming that it was Bob who attacked him. He hit's Grenier with a PerZag Perfection and slides Grenier out of the ring.
PerZag: I WILL TEAR THIS PLACE APART!!
PerZag makes his way over to Hood and Smith. He grabs them both and tosses them to the ground. Security rushes to the ringside area and PerZag fights them off. He headbutts one Security guard and grabs another by the neck, choking him out. Another security guard is given a PerZag Perfection through the announce table.
PerZag: I WILL HURT EVERYBODY HERE, AND BURN THIS BUILDING TO THE GROUND, UNLESS I FIND OUT RIGHT NOW WHO ATTACKED ME! SHOW YOUR FACE!
PerZag slides out of the ring and grabs a fan, he drags the fan into the ring and places him the torture rack. He drops the fan and slides out of the ring again, he
grabs an elderly man and drags him over the guardrail and into the ring.
PerZag: I WILL BREAK THIS OLD MAN'S NECK, IF I DO NOT GET ANSWERS.
All of a sudden uniformed police officers storm the ring, Someone must have called the police. PerZag releases the old man and retreats through the crowd, he pushes fans out of the way as he is pelted with debris. We cut to a commercial.
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A New Era...
You hear crowd chants: OH SEE DUBYA! OH SEE DUBYA!
A New Legacy To Be Had...
OH SEE DUBYA! OH SEE DUBYA!
Two teams...
Various shots of Itsumade and Puma rapidly fill your screen.
Various shots of Ricky and Randy applying hair gel fill your screen.
Two Choices...
You hear President Dean's voice echo:
"Gemini... or Twinsies."
"Gemini... or Twinsies."
"Gemini... or Twinsies."
One Obstacle...
Cut
to a empty room where a single rope hangs dramatically from the ceiling
to the floor. The shot zooms in slowly THEN QUICLY FOCUSES ON THE TOP
OF THE ROPE then backs away slowly LIGHTNING STRIKE!
Flicker-
Flicker-Flicker to-
REVENGE
Ricky and Randy Valdez are now standing by the rope looking super excited.
"Hey what's up everybody? Ricky Valdez here!"
"Randy Valdez too!"
"Come watch OCW history be made on February 28th!"
"That's right, because Awe.Some will be taking on... uhh... What does that cue card say?" Randy squints.
"Our opponents."
"I get that. But I don't know how to pronounce that one dude's name. I don't want to offend him. A little help here?"
Randy looks at Ricky. Ricky just shrugs.
"Yeah, so come watch OCW history be made as Awe.Some takes on Our Opponents at Revenge!"
"First 200 fans at the gates get a free sample of hair gel!"
------------------------------------------
We come back from commercial to Hood and Smith at ringside. Due to the actions of one PerZag, they are without an announce table. A few chairs have been taken from the gallery and are being used as stands for the monitors.
Smith: Well were back, and I would like to apologize to our viewers and the people in attendance here tonight for the actions of PerZag. We at OCW do not condone the abuse of our fans, or the elderly.
Hood: The guy is a maniac.
Smith: Completely out of control.
Bob Grenier: I guarantee you that was not part of the show. Our fans are fantastic. Anyway, looks like I got more work to do.
Bob takes off his head set. He takes a nice amount of marijuana from the bag, now casually sitting on the ground and packs it into the glass bong. He takes a mighty rip and slides into the ring clutching a microphone.
Bob: (With the voice of an angel, or say, a greek god) Ladies and Gentleman, It's time for the main event of the evening. Introducing first from god knows fucking where, Weighing who gives a shit and standing I don't care, He's a man cranking out 5000 Word roleplays NO PROBLEM!!! The notorious, The ever so famous.. Gabrielllllllll Goodman
This loser walks through the curtain and down the entrance to some amusing circus music. Circus music because he is a complete clown. He stops in the middle of the aisle and flexes, kissing his non existent muscles. GG saunters to the ring like an idiot and trips on the bottom rope on the way in. Bob points and laughs, before kicking GG in the face. He picks GG up and comically pokes him in the eye. Bob picks up and takes down GG with a fisherman suplex.
Smith: Bob Grenier really taking it to his opponent here this evening.
Hood: It's Gabriel Goodman, Did you expect him to all of a sudden show up?
Smith: Touche.
Bob lifts GG onto his shoulders and hit's a death valley driver. He slides out of the ring and makes his way over to the announce table.
Bob: You're looking at the man who will take this company through 2015 and beyond, 2020, 2036, 2089, Who gives a fuck! OCW Baby!
Bob throws down his headset. GG, looking weak and disoriented from being fucked up by Bobby G, is up and he actually musters a faint punch, Bob takes a hilarious dive and pulls GG on top of himself for the pin, Bob makes the count, and it's only a 2, maybe 2.5
Smith: GG almost with the major upset! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!
Hood: This can't be sanctioned by OCW, can he referee his own match?
Smith: Who cares, It's hilarious!
Bob gloats and GG actually manages a small package. Bob attempts to get out of it.
Hood: 1,2,3,4,5,6. Bob just got beat by Gabriel Goodman!
Smith: He did not, that was a 2 count at best.
At about 6 Bob breaks free and unleashes a fury of punches. He lifts him high in the air and is about to drop him with the Hollinger Park Hangman when all of a sudden Chad Vargas appears on the screen. He is attempting to enter the building. Vargas is cut off by 2 security guards. He just head butts one in typical Vargas fashion and the other guard lets him walk right into the SportsPlex. He walks down the hall and stops at the concession.
Vargas: Hey, Gimme a Bud.
Cashier: We only have Molson Canadian, Sir.
The cashier hands him a can of beer and Vargas punches him hard in the face.
Vargas: Fuckin Canada, Well I ain't payin for it.
He takes a sip of the beer and you can tell by the look on his face he is actually kind of impressed. He takes a $20 out of his pocket and throws it to the cashier.
Vargas: Keep the change.
Vargas continues to look for his way to the ring. Back in the ring Bob has dropped GG with the Hollinger Park Hangman and is awaiting Chad's arrival. Chad Vargas walks through a curtain. He is on the ramp and Bob is in the ring with a microphone.
Bob: Can't get good security these fucking days can you?! Who let that piece of shit in the building?
They stare each other down and Vargas makes his way to the ring, not taking his eyes off his arch nemesis.
Bob: I knew, I just knew you'd be here tonight you goddamn choad!
Chad Vargas is approached from behind and bashed in the back of the leg with crowbars by 2 unknown men in ski masks. They quickly disappear.
Smith: For our viewing audience, shades of Tonya Harding there.
It was probably just some natives looking for drinkin money, you can pay the native folk to do pretty much anything up in the great white north of Canada. Vargas manages to get up and his leg doesn't appear that serious. He makes a dash for the ring and they begin throwing haymakers at each other, each one connecting. Vargas slams Grenier to the mat and begins violently kicking him in the ribs, Bob grabs his foot and manages to trip him up, He mounts Vargas and begins throwing punches. By this point both men are bleeding.
Hood: How does this end? I mean, Security is lacking around here and there is no referee, or any other personnel to intervene.
Smith: Just enjoy the preview my man!
Hood: Preview? Aren't they set to wrestle a traditional wrestling match? Look at them. I don't think that's going to happen.
Vargas and Grenier are up and continue throwing bombs at each other. Vargas hit's The Stroke in the middle of the ring. Bob is down and Vargas goes underneath the ring to fetch a chair. By the time he has what he is looking for, Bob is up, Vargas throws the chair at Grenier and it misses, Vargas re-enters the ring and Grenier exits, presumably to seek a weapon off his own, he finds his bong, he throws It at Vargas, missing. They actually both laugh for a moment as it lands on the mat in tact.
Smith: Cat and mouse right there.
Hood: That was kind of hilarious.
Grenier re-enters the ring and is met with a chair to the gut, Vargas brings it down across his back multiple times, sending Grenier to the mat. He hits him once in the back of the head and sets the chair on the mat, Vargas grabs the bong and smashes it over the back of Grenier's head, sending glass flying and opening a gash on the back of his head. He hits Bob with the stroke face first onto the steel chair! Although both men are bleeding, Bob is clearly the worse of the two. A pool of blood forms as he lays unconscious. Vargas doesn't seem to be done. He goes outside of the ring and gets another chair. Upon entering the ring he places the other chair on top of Grenier's head, creating a deadly sandwich. Vargas then grabs another chair an enters the ring again, with the intent to cause serious harm on an already battered Grenier.
Smith: No, No, No.
Hood: Too far, Way to far. We don't need anyone dying out here tonight.
Smith quickly takes off his headset and enters the ring to try and stop Vargas. Smith has a microphone.
Smith: Chad, Just think about what you're about to do. I know the hatred between you gentleman runs deep, but he's done. Save it for February 28th when the encounter actually means something. Look at him.
Smith points to Grenier who is bleeding heavily and completely unconscious. Vargas drops the chair and backs off, Showing a rare bit of compassion. He does however spit on Grenier before leaving, and bends down and whispers in his ear. "Stupid fucking Canuck". Vargas slowly walks up the ramp backwards, Watching as EMT's rush to Grenier's aid as the show goes off the air.
Smith: Welcome to Grenier's Rules, Live from.. Canada?!
Hood: Yes, Northern Canada at that. I had a frightening experience with a Grizzly Bear earlier today. Also almost hit a Moose on the 101 with my rental car. I hate Canada.
Smith: Hope you had Moose Insurance.
Hood: Good grief. Someone Get me out of here.
"X Gonna Give it to Ya" by DMX begins to blare throughout the arena as Bob Grenier emerges in all his glory. He makes his way to the ring, On the way down the aisle he kisses the babies of all the unwed mothers in town, for all you know a few of them could be his. Grenier slides into the ring and soaks up the adulation of the small crowd. He asks for a microphone and is immediately brought one by Smith.
Bob: Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to THE FIRST OCW WEB SHOW. We have a lot of action here tonight, but before we begin the festivities, I'd like to ask my Native brothers in attendance to enter the ring and perform a traditional native dance for us.
Hood: Really? This is absurd.
Smith: Timmins is home to many native reserves.
Hood: Well the more you know, Who told you that?
Smith: Bob did!
Hood: Of course.
Bob looks out into the crowd and motions for the natives in the crowd to come into the ring and bless it. They do not move a muscle. It turns out they are drunk, and perhaps huffing gasoline.
Bob: Or not.. You folks just have a good time ok. Enjoy the show. Tell Chief RunningWater I say, Aniish na?
Smith: He speaks Ojibwe! Wow! What a guy!
Hood: I'm tired of this already.
Bob: On February 28th 2015, I will walk out of Revenge the OCW World Heavyweight Champion. It's about time that I got what I truly deserve, I stayed with this company until it burned to the ground, I never abandoned the sinking ship and I was the first fucking one in line when Dean re-opened the doors so you know what, I'd like to thank you Dean, for the opportunity you've given me. I went ahead and did you a favor buddy!
Hood: What could Bob possibly have done for the President of this company?
Smith: I bet it will be magical. Bob Grenier always delivers.
Bob: I went out and I recruited to OCW , the greatest tag team anyone in the history of this business has ever laid eyes upon. Coming down the aisle, from Hollywood, California.. I think.. At a combined weight of.. Well I forget.. Fuck it. It's the Hollywood Brothers, Ryan Hollywood and Hollywood Skyes!!
The two former OCW rejects slowly walk down the aisle, to no reaction what-so-ever. They are incredibly bland and untalented. They climb into the ring and stand face to face with Bob Grenier, looking for a way to prove themselves and re-enter the ranks of OCW.
Bob: Sorry Dean, really the best I can do for you.
The Hollywood Brothers, not looking very menacing, inch closer to Grenier. They are looking for a fight.
Bob: Easy Sparky, Rover, You ain't having a match with me tonight. I'm in the main event later on. I do however a glorious opportunity for you gentleman. If you overcome my challenge here this evening on Bob Grenier Rules, I will walk away. I will quit and the two of you can take my one spot on the roster!
The Hollywood Brothers both nod in unison and are about as amped as two losers who will never make it can be. Bob smiles at them and exits the ring.
Bob makes his way over to the announce table and put's on a headset.
Bob: Ladies and gentleman, Their opponent..
Smith: Who could it be?
Hood: Well this just got interesting.
Bob: Of course it did. I always deliver, Carry this whole company on my Damn back.
The lights go down as The Hollywood Brothers pace around the ring, awaiting their opposition. The opening guitar rift roars through the arena as the fans get to their feet knowing what that sound means. The lights on the stage set pan slowly towards the entrance way where Rachel Valdez comes walking onto the set with a microphone in her hand. She'll pose for a second or two before speaking into her microphone.
Rachel Valdez: "This is Awe.Some!"
At that point with the song kicking into gear, Ricky and Randy Valdez both run through the curtain and straight to the ring, slapping the hands of fans along the way. Rachel Valdez follows closely behind. The three of them all slide under the bottom rope. Ricky and Randy proceed to climb the turnbuckles on opposite sides of the ring. The brothers point to various sections of the crowd to get them excited while Rachel Valdez leans over the top rope to blow a kiss to the fans at ringside.
Bob: It's AWE.SOME!!
Smith: Awe.some will no doubt become the corner stone of the tag team division here in OCW.
Hood: There are only 2 teams. Kind of a weak division.
Bob: Shut up Hood! Matter of factly, I have top secret information about another team possibly showing up in OCW.
Hood: Oh really?
Bob: Yeah, So stop being a choad and enjoy the show.
We start with Ryan Hollywood throwing weak looking strikes at Ricky Valdez, Ricky just laughs it off and whips Hollywood into the ropes, hitting him with a nice clothesline. Ricky picks Ryan Hollywood up off the ground and whips him into the corner, where he proceeds to hit Hollywood with a stinger splash. Ricky climbs to the top rope waiting for a dazed Ryan Hollywood get up and turn around, Ricky leaps and connects with a diving cross body.
Bob: Very Impressive offense, Awe.Some is going places man.
Smith: Former Boardwalk Wrestling Tag Team Champions if I recall.
Ricky tags in his brother Randy who immediately picks Hollywood up and hits an Inverted DDT. He picks him up again and Hollywood is completely gassed. Randy, perhaps feeling a little bad for the poor fuck, pushes him towards his own corner, Where is able to make a tag to the other poor fuck, Hollywood Skyes. Skyes enters the ring like a house of fire..NOT! He is dropped with a Koppu Kick. Skyes goes down hard. Ryan Hollywood attempts to re-enter the ring and is cut off by Ricky, who cracks him with a step up step up enzuigiri. With both opponents incapacitated, Ricky and Randy play up to the cheering crowd. On the outside of the ring Rachel Valdez opens a bag and begins handing out those really annoying hand clapper things you had when you were a kid, to everyone in the crowd. All you can hear is "Clack Clack Clack" over and over again.
Hood: That is so fucking annoying.
Smith: It's Awe.Some! They enjoy getting the crowd involved. It's great for OCW!
Hood: Are you fucking smoking Weed right now?
Bob: Hey, it's my show, I'll do what I want.
Bob takes vicious halls of a nice glass bong while sitting at the announcers desk and Ricky makes the tag to Randy. Randy, lifts and holds Hollywood Skyes in a
powerbomb position. The other team member, Ricky, then jumps from an elevated position and dropkicks the opponent in the face. Once the loud crack is heard, Randy then follows through with a powerbomb.
Smith: They call that the FACE POP!
Hood: I am not a man who is easily impressed, but that was pretty nice.
Bob: *Coughing*
Randy goes for the pin, and we realize there is no referee!
Hood: Who's the idiot who forgot to hire a referee?
Bob: I've been under a lot of stress. Sorry, I got this.
Bob gently removes his headset and puts his bong down. He climbs into the ring to make the 3 count. The crowd cheers and Bob Grenier grabs a mic.
Bob: As if the result was ever in doubt, The winners of the match.. AWE.SOME!!
The crowd pops huge for this promising tag team. They head up the ramp to the back slapping hands with the fans as they go. Bob makes his way back to the booth and puts on his headset once again.
Hood: Aren't you just a jack of all trades tonight?
Bob: Host, Ring Announcer, Commentator, Referee, Next World Champion, I can do it all baby.
Smith: Greatest man Alive!
Bob: HEY! You smoking my weed Hood?
*Commercial*
Bob Grenier stands in the middle of the ring with a microphone.
Bob: Ladies and Gentleman, Tonight we celebrate a great man. A who man who personifies what this business is all about. A noble man, A lover of women, A slayer of vagina and the most incredible performer the industry has ever seen.. All of a sudden the lights dim and a tribute video begins to play on the screen set to the tune of "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac.
We see clips from Bob's OCW debut in April 2014. This was Total Demolition where he battled PerZag, Richard and Vargas for the OCW Internet Title.He nails his Hollinger Park Hangman on PerZag for his 4th pinfall in this 10 minute match. He would come up just short, PerZag would win 5-4. He sits on the mat in disbelief but not defeated.
Bob Grenier would become a staple of OCW programming. We see various clips from Monday Night Massacre. Bob destroys a midget. He DDT's a sheep and
carries a defenseless Altera Moon away, She'd never be seen again.
Clash at the Coast is then featured. The main event featured a Steel Cage Ladder Match between Chad Vargas, Bob Grenier and Scott Syren. Bob Grenier stares down his two opponents with his fists balled. Grenier stands between the ropes and the cage, he leaps up onto the ropes and drop kicks a ladder into Scott Syren's face, busting him open. Rain begins to fall and we see a desperate dive for the Belt hanging above, he crashes through a table. He hit's his Hollinger Park Hangman from the top of the ladder, and later tries to bore a whole through the cage with a ladder to escape with the belt. He would come up short again, but
still does not feel defeated. Syren won that night.
July 7th 2014. Bob Grenier climbs the ladder and retrieves the OCW Internet Championship, finally climbing the mountain. We see Bob turning his back on everyone and joining PerZag to form Power & Worth. We see highlights of vicious hammer attacks on 12 different wrestlers. At Genesis, He would defend his title in an Internet Title on a Cross match in Jerusalem. He hits a 450 Splash from the top of the cross and nearly kills himself, that night his title is saved by Ian Bishop and Knox. Friends of Power & Worth. He would lose the title to Legion 2 weeks later.
Finally we see clips of the Grenier/Vargas fued. They have a short lived tag team known as "The Southsiders". We see clips of them refereeing each others matches and screwing each other over at ever opportunity. We see fist fights and arguments. Pure hatred. Chad Vargas throws Bob Grenier off the top of the Green Monster in Fenway Park, It's a 330 foot drop. The lights come back on.
Hood: Are you crying?
Smith: Leave me alone.
Bob is about to speak, when a mysterious hooded figure walks quickly through the crowd. He pushes fans out of his way with a complete lack of disregard for there safety. The hooded figure jumps the rail and makes a dash for the ring. Bob looks confused.
Bob: I don't know who you are buddy, but the fans sit in the audience. You got no business in here.
The man takes his hood off. It's PerZag! He immediately demands a microphone and does not look happy!
PerZag: WHO ATTACKED ME OUTSIDE OF OCW HEADQUARTERS? I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW! COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME!
Bob tries to calm down his former cohort and friend. PerZag grabs him by the collar and backs him into the corner, Screaming that it was Bob who attacked him. He hit's Grenier with a PerZag Perfection and slides Grenier out of the ring.
PerZag: I WILL TEAR THIS PLACE APART!!
PerZag makes his way over to Hood and Smith. He grabs them both and tosses them to the ground. Security rushes to the ringside area and PerZag fights them off. He headbutts one Security guard and grabs another by the neck, choking him out. Another security guard is given a PerZag Perfection through the announce table.
PerZag: I WILL HURT EVERYBODY HERE, AND BURN THIS BUILDING TO THE GROUND, UNLESS I FIND OUT RIGHT NOW WHO ATTACKED ME! SHOW YOUR FACE!
PerZag slides out of the ring and grabs a fan, he drags the fan into the ring and places him the torture rack. He drops the fan and slides out of the ring again, he
grabs an elderly man and drags him over the guardrail and into the ring.
PerZag: I WILL BREAK THIS OLD MAN'S NECK, IF I DO NOT GET ANSWERS.
All of a sudden uniformed police officers storm the ring, Someone must have called the police. PerZag releases the old man and retreats through the crowd, he pushes fans out of the way as he is pelted with debris. We cut to a commercial.
-------------------
A New Era...
You hear crowd chants: OH SEE DUBYA! OH SEE DUBYA!
A New Legacy To Be Had...
OH SEE DUBYA! OH SEE DUBYA!
Two teams...
Various shots of Itsumade and Puma rapidly fill your screen.
Various shots of Ricky and Randy applying hair gel fill your screen.
Two Choices...
You hear President Dean's voice echo:
"Gemini... or Twinsies."
"Gemini... or Twinsies."
"Gemini... or Twinsies."
One Obstacle...
Cut
to a empty room where a single rope hangs dramatically from the ceiling
to the floor. The shot zooms in slowly THEN QUICLY FOCUSES ON THE TOP
OF THE ROPE then backs away slowly LIGHTNING STRIKE!
Flicker-
Flicker-Flicker to-
REVENGE
Ricky and Randy Valdez are now standing by the rope looking super excited.
"Hey what's up everybody? Ricky Valdez here!"
"Randy Valdez too!"
"Come watch OCW history be made on February 28th!"
"That's right, because Awe.Some will be taking on... uhh... What does that cue card say?" Randy squints.
"Our opponents."
"I get that. But I don't know how to pronounce that one dude's name. I don't want to offend him. A little help here?"
Randy looks at Ricky. Ricky just shrugs.
"Yeah, so come watch OCW history be made as Awe.Some takes on Our Opponents at Revenge!"
"First 200 fans at the gates get a free sample of hair gel!"
------------------------------------------
We come back from commercial to Hood and Smith at ringside. Due to the actions of one PerZag, they are without an announce table. A few chairs have been taken from the gallery and are being used as stands for the monitors.
Smith: Well were back, and I would like to apologize to our viewers and the people in attendance here tonight for the actions of PerZag. We at OCW do not condone the abuse of our fans, or the elderly.
Hood: The guy is a maniac.
Smith: Completely out of control.
Bob Grenier: I guarantee you that was not part of the show. Our fans are fantastic. Anyway, looks like I got more work to do.
Bob takes off his head set. He takes a nice amount of marijuana from the bag, now casually sitting on the ground and packs it into the glass bong. He takes a mighty rip and slides into the ring clutching a microphone.
Bob: (With the voice of an angel, or say, a greek god) Ladies and Gentleman, It's time for the main event of the evening. Introducing first from god knows fucking where, Weighing who gives a shit and standing I don't care, He's a man cranking out 5000 Word roleplays NO PROBLEM!!! The notorious, The ever so famous.. Gabrielllllllll Goodman
This loser walks through the curtain and down the entrance to some amusing circus music. Circus music because he is a complete clown. He stops in the middle of the aisle and flexes, kissing his non existent muscles. GG saunters to the ring like an idiot and trips on the bottom rope on the way in. Bob points and laughs, before kicking GG in the face. He picks GG up and comically pokes him in the eye. Bob picks up and takes down GG with a fisherman suplex.
Smith: Bob Grenier really taking it to his opponent here this evening.
Hood: It's Gabriel Goodman, Did you expect him to all of a sudden show up?
Smith: Touche.
Bob lifts GG onto his shoulders and hit's a death valley driver. He slides out of the ring and makes his way over to the announce table.
Bob: You're looking at the man who will take this company through 2015 and beyond, 2020, 2036, 2089, Who gives a fuck! OCW Baby!
Bob throws down his headset. GG, looking weak and disoriented from being fucked up by Bobby G, is up and he actually musters a faint punch, Bob takes a hilarious dive and pulls GG on top of himself for the pin, Bob makes the count, and it's only a 2, maybe 2.5
Smith: GG almost with the major upset! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!
Hood: This can't be sanctioned by OCW, can he referee his own match?
Smith: Who cares, It's hilarious!
Bob gloats and GG actually manages a small package. Bob attempts to get out of it.
Hood: 1,2,3,4,5,6. Bob just got beat by Gabriel Goodman!
Smith: He did not, that was a 2 count at best.
At about 6 Bob breaks free and unleashes a fury of punches. He lifts him high in the air and is about to drop him with the Hollinger Park Hangman when all of a sudden Chad Vargas appears on the screen. He is attempting to enter the building. Vargas is cut off by 2 security guards. He just head butts one in typical Vargas fashion and the other guard lets him walk right into the SportsPlex. He walks down the hall and stops at the concession.
Vargas: Hey, Gimme a Bud.
Cashier: We only have Molson Canadian, Sir.
The cashier hands him a can of beer and Vargas punches him hard in the face.
Vargas: Fuckin Canada, Well I ain't payin for it.
He takes a sip of the beer and you can tell by the look on his face he is actually kind of impressed. He takes a $20 out of his pocket and throws it to the cashier.
Vargas: Keep the change.
Vargas continues to look for his way to the ring. Back in the ring Bob has dropped GG with the Hollinger Park Hangman and is awaiting Chad's arrival. Chad Vargas walks through a curtain. He is on the ramp and Bob is in the ring with a microphone.
Bob: Can't get good security these fucking days can you?! Who let that piece of shit in the building?
They stare each other down and Vargas makes his way to the ring, not taking his eyes off his arch nemesis.
Bob: I knew, I just knew you'd be here tonight you goddamn choad!
Chad Vargas is approached from behind and bashed in the back of the leg with crowbars by 2 unknown men in ski masks. They quickly disappear.
Smith: For our viewing audience, shades of Tonya Harding there.
It was probably just some natives looking for drinkin money, you can pay the native folk to do pretty much anything up in the great white north of Canada. Vargas manages to get up and his leg doesn't appear that serious. He makes a dash for the ring and they begin throwing haymakers at each other, each one connecting. Vargas slams Grenier to the mat and begins violently kicking him in the ribs, Bob grabs his foot and manages to trip him up, He mounts Vargas and begins throwing punches. By this point both men are bleeding.
Hood: How does this end? I mean, Security is lacking around here and there is no referee, or any other personnel to intervene.
Smith: Just enjoy the preview my man!
Hood: Preview? Aren't they set to wrestle a traditional wrestling match? Look at them. I don't think that's going to happen.
Vargas and Grenier are up and continue throwing bombs at each other. Vargas hit's The Stroke in the middle of the ring. Bob is down and Vargas goes underneath the ring to fetch a chair. By the time he has what he is looking for, Bob is up, Vargas throws the chair at Grenier and it misses, Vargas re-enters the ring and Grenier exits, presumably to seek a weapon off his own, he finds his bong, he throws It at Vargas, missing. They actually both laugh for a moment as it lands on the mat in tact.
Smith: Cat and mouse right there.
Hood: That was kind of hilarious.
Grenier re-enters the ring and is met with a chair to the gut, Vargas brings it down across his back multiple times, sending Grenier to the mat. He hits him once in the back of the head and sets the chair on the mat, Vargas grabs the bong and smashes it over the back of Grenier's head, sending glass flying and opening a gash on the back of his head. He hits Bob with the stroke face first onto the steel chair! Although both men are bleeding, Bob is clearly the worse of the two. A pool of blood forms as he lays unconscious. Vargas doesn't seem to be done. He goes outside of the ring and gets another chair. Upon entering the ring he places the other chair on top of Grenier's head, creating a deadly sandwich. Vargas then grabs another chair an enters the ring again, with the intent to cause serious harm on an already battered Grenier.
Smith: No, No, No.
Hood: Too far, Way to far. We don't need anyone dying out here tonight.
Smith quickly takes off his headset and enters the ring to try and stop Vargas. Smith has a microphone.
Smith: Chad, Just think about what you're about to do. I know the hatred between you gentleman runs deep, but he's done. Save it for February 28th when the encounter actually means something. Look at him.
Smith points to Grenier who is bleeding heavily and completely unconscious. Vargas drops the chair and backs off, Showing a rare bit of compassion. He does however spit on Grenier before leaving, and bends down and whispers in his ear. "Stupid fucking Canuck". Vargas slowly walks up the ramp backwards, Watching as EMT's rush to Grenier's aid as the show goes off the air.
Rippercast hits the Airwaves; HUGE Rumors Emerge
A few hours ago a highly controversial radio show hit the airwaves as the first edition of 'Rippercast' was released since OCW's closure in August of 2014. Rippercast, hosted by OCW Hall of Famer Danny B, has always been known for its unabashed, hard hitting views on all things wrestling related.
With OCW announcing it's return a little over a week ago, several former members and Hall of Famers have signed on to be apart of the 2015 incarnation. Among those have been The Big Bifford, Lurrr, Alice Knight, Bob Grenier, PerZag, Itsumade, Chad Vargas and OCW Champion Mack O'Connor.
While a ton of the talk has been centered on the returnees, rumors have been swirling around those who have yet to return. Names like 2014 Wrestler of the Year Pryde, Ian Bishop, Scott Syren, MJ Bell, Andy Murray and, yes, Danny B.
Could Danny B have a return planned? According to Rippercast, it's a subject he has apparently been negotiating with Dean. And, while he attempted to play things close to the vest, if you listen closely to his words, you can pick up on some hints that Danny B may be more than 50/50 on his thoughts about returning.
At one point, Danny B said, in regards to Bob Grenier, "He's someone I look forward to stepping in the ring with." Now, if you take that statement for what it's worth, it would certainly indicate that Danny B has every intention upon returning.
Another interesting facet of Rippercast were his constant digs at Hall of Fame Champion, Lurrr. Could Danny B be eyeing the Hall of Fame Title Match at Revenge? He's certainly got the eligibility for it and he mentioned the match more than a few times during his broadcast.
OCW released this statement moments after Rippercast hit the air:
"We at OCW are unaware of any signed agreement with Danny B at this time. The Ripper has a long and storied history with Online Championship Wrestling and has been placed in the Hall of Fame for a reason. He is a highly lucrative and marketable entity that we would love to see compete in an OCW ring again. Yet, as of now, no such deal has been drawn up, let alone signed. Rippercast has no affiliation with OCW for the time being, so anything said by Danny B are strictly his opinions and his opinions alone."
OCW has granted me permission to post the Rippercast link on its website. So, to listen to the latest edition of Rippercast, click here.
With OCW announcing it's return a little over a week ago, several former members and Hall of Famers have signed on to be apart of the 2015 incarnation. Among those have been The Big Bifford, Lurrr, Alice Knight, Bob Grenier, PerZag, Itsumade, Chad Vargas and OCW Champion Mack O'Connor.
While a ton of the talk has been centered on the returnees, rumors have been swirling around those who have yet to return. Names like 2014 Wrestler of the Year Pryde, Ian Bishop, Scott Syren, MJ Bell, Andy Murray and, yes, Danny B.
Could Danny B have a return planned? According to Rippercast, it's a subject he has apparently been negotiating with Dean. And, while he attempted to play things close to the vest, if you listen closely to his words, you can pick up on some hints that Danny B may be more than 50/50 on his thoughts about returning.
At one point, Danny B said, in regards to Bob Grenier, "He's someone I look forward to stepping in the ring with." Now, if you take that statement for what it's worth, it would certainly indicate that Danny B has every intention upon returning.
Another interesting facet of Rippercast were his constant digs at Hall of Fame Champion, Lurrr. Could Danny B be eyeing the Hall of Fame Title Match at Revenge? He's certainly got the eligibility for it and he mentioned the match more than a few times during his broadcast.
OCW released this statement moments after Rippercast hit the air:
"We at OCW are unaware of any signed agreement with Danny B at this time. The Ripper has a long and storied history with Online Championship Wrestling and has been placed in the Hall of Fame for a reason. He is a highly lucrative and marketable entity that we would love to see compete in an OCW ring again. Yet, as of now, no such deal has been drawn up, let alone signed. Rippercast has no affiliation with OCW for the time being, so anything said by Danny B are strictly his opinions and his opinions alone."
OCW has granted me permission to post the Rippercast link on its website. So, to listen to the latest edition of Rippercast, click here.
Awe.Some Hosts an OCW Autograph Signing; Confronted by Coe
Rachel Valdez is standing in what appears to be the middle of a fairly busy mall. There's a sign next to her that reads: OCW FAN MEET & GREET! There are a few fans of various age and gender surrounding her.
Rachel Valdez: Settle down everyone. We'll be here all day.
Rachel laughs to herself as she signs a Revenge poster one of the fans is holding, when out of the corner of her eye she sees a little boy with his parents standing beside her. He's wearing one of Awe.Some's shirts.
Rachel Valdez: Awww! How cute! What's your name, sweetheart?
Little Boy: Sam! Are Ricky and Randy here too?
Rachel Valdez leans down to him.
Rachel Valdez: They sure are, little man! They went to get more pens because the ones we had are all just about out of ink. Do you want a picture while we wait for them to get back?
Sam the Little Awe.Some Fan: OKAY!
The mother holds up her camera phone and snaps a picture of Rachel and the fan.
Rachel Valdez: When they get back, I'll have them sign your shirt.
As she stands up, she notices that the crowd around her has gotten rather quiet. She looks around and sees Tatum Coe has nudged her way through the crowd.
Tatum Coe: Hello Rachel.
Rachel Valdez: Ugh. What do you want?
Tatum Coe: Come now. This is a fan meetup, is it not? Is that any way to talk to someone who may end up being your biggest fan?
Rachel Valdez: If you're my biggest fan, then I think I need to re-evaluate things.
Tatum Coe: You might be right. Perhaps it's the other way around. You do seem to tweet about me, after all.
Rachel Valdez: Don't kid yourself. The last thing I want to do on an early Saturday evening is watch some arrogant pretty boy jerk perform.
Tatum Coe: How about late Saturday night then?
Rachel Valdez: I'd tell you to get lost, but I'm sure you're going to be doing plenty of losing that night already. I had no intentions of watching your match if you go after the Paradigm title, but you know what? Maybe I will. It'll be fun to watch Alice add to your resume of, as you put it, almost theres and never quites.
Rachel Valdez, now looking slightly uncomfortable, exits through the circle of fans while apologizing to them for leaving. Tatum is left standing alone, in front of a bunch of Awe.Some fans. It doesn't seem to faze Coe as he's too busy watching Rachel walk away. With a smirk, he makes a comment with a small, pudgy fan standing next to him, holding a poster advertising Awe.Some vs. ItsuPuma.
Tatum Coe: She thinks I can't see the little game she's playing.
Coe, convinced Rachel is attracted to him, turns his attention to the fan at his side. He scowls with his smile turning into a frown and slaps the poster out of the guy's hands. He takes stock of the fans attire, a worn out OCW shirt, dirty blue jeans and greasy hair. He then notices they are smack dab in the middle of a local mall, where people with no money or jobs waste their days.
Tatum Coe: Get a life.
With that, Coe turns and walks away as a group of fans standing nearby boo and hurl some mild insults at the former OCW Lightweight Champion. Insults that don't seem to bother Coe as he deems the people in front of him less than zero.
Rachel Valdez: Settle down everyone. We'll be here all day.
Rachel laughs to herself as she signs a Revenge poster one of the fans is holding, when out of the corner of her eye she sees a little boy with his parents standing beside her. He's wearing one of Awe.Some's shirts.
Rachel Valdez: Awww! How cute! What's your name, sweetheart?
Little Boy: Sam! Are Ricky and Randy here too?
Rachel Valdez leans down to him.
Rachel Valdez: They sure are, little man! They went to get more pens because the ones we had are all just about out of ink. Do you want a picture while we wait for them to get back?
Sam the Little Awe.Some Fan: OKAY!
The mother holds up her camera phone and snaps a picture of Rachel and the fan.
Rachel Valdez: When they get back, I'll have them sign your shirt.
As she stands up, she notices that the crowd around her has gotten rather quiet. She looks around and sees Tatum Coe has nudged her way through the crowd.
Tatum Coe: Hello Rachel.
Rachel Valdez: Ugh. What do you want?
Tatum Coe: Come now. This is a fan meetup, is it not? Is that any way to talk to someone who may end up being your biggest fan?
Rachel Valdez: If you're my biggest fan, then I think I need to re-evaluate things.
Tatum Coe: You might be right. Perhaps it's the other way around. You do seem to tweet about me, after all.
Rachel Valdez: Don't kid yourself. The last thing I want to do on an early Saturday evening is watch some arrogant pretty boy jerk perform.
Tatum Coe: How about late Saturday night then?
Rachel Valdez: I'd tell you to get lost, but I'm sure you're going to be doing plenty of losing that night already. I had no intentions of watching your match if you go after the Paradigm title, but you know what? Maybe I will. It'll be fun to watch Alice add to your resume of, as you put it, almost theres and never quites.
Rachel Valdez, now looking slightly uncomfortable, exits through the circle of fans while apologizing to them for leaving. Tatum is left standing alone, in front of a bunch of Awe.Some fans. It doesn't seem to faze Coe as he's too busy watching Rachel walk away. With a smirk, he makes a comment with a small, pudgy fan standing next to him, holding a poster advertising Awe.Some vs. ItsuPuma.
Tatum Coe: She thinks I can't see the little game she's playing.
Coe, convinced Rachel is attracted to him, turns his attention to the fan at his side. He scowls with his smile turning into a frown and slaps the poster out of the guy's hands. He takes stock of the fans attire, a worn out OCW shirt, dirty blue jeans and greasy hair. He then notices they are smack dab in the middle of a local mall, where people with no money or jobs waste their days.
Tatum Coe: Get a life.
With that, Coe turns and walks away as a group of fans standing nearby boo and hurl some mild insults at the former OCW Lightweight Champion. Insults that don't seem to bother Coe as he deems the people in front of him less than zero.
Tatum Coe Weighs in on Awe.Some and the Paradigm Title
|Tatum Coe, seated in a comfortable leather chair with his legs folded, waits patiently in the classically furnished lobby of a vintage, high dollar hotel. Gracefully gripped by his well manicured hands is the latest edition of USA Today. Coe is flipping through the business section, checking out stock prices and potential mergers. Jones appears behind him. Jones looks at the back of Coe’s head, hesitant on approaching him, really not wanting to be talked down to, again. With a reluctant sigh, Jones saunters up to Coe’s chair. He walks around to the front, standing in front of a pre-occupied Tatum Coe. Coe’s face is buried in the paper as Jones stands around for quite awhile. Jones clears his throat, Coe doesn’t take notice. Jones coughs, Coe doesn’t notice. Finally, Jones takes the blunt route|
Jones: Mr. Coe
|Tatum looks over the top edge of the paper and instantly rolls his eyes|
Tatum Coe: You again? Don’t you have anything better to do? Am I literally the only person in OCW worth bothering?
|Jones holds his tongue, restraining the words he’d really like to unleash|
Jones: Sorry to bother you
Tatum Coe: Yes, you are bothering me. As a matter of fact, I’m about to dine with some very important people.
Jones: This will only take a minute.
Tatum Coe: Well, you’ve been standing there for two, so hurry it up.
Jones: OCW Hall of Famer Alice Knight is rumored to be re-joining the company and, judging by what I’ve been told, President Dean is eyeing the Paradigm Championship Match as her return bout. I’ve also heard that’s a slot he’s envisioned for your return, Mr. Coe.
|Coe slaps the paper shut, folds it neatly in half, then again, and places it gently on the wooden coffee table in front of him. He stands up and pulls on his blazer, making sure it’s unwrinkled and in mint condition. He looks down at the diminutive Jones|
Tatum Coe: I don’t have time to comment on rumors and innuendo. Until you have something concrete, please quit bothering me.
Jones: I just want to know, have you had discussions about the Paradigm Title Match?
Tatum Coe: What goes on between me and Dean is strictly between Dean and me. The minute anything is official, I’m sure you’ll be informed. Until then, go grab McDonalds or something, I’ve got a date with Prime Rib and High Society.
Jones: Care to comment on the news that Awe.Some will be facing ItsuPuma for the OCw Tag Team Titles? I know you’ve had issues with Awe.Some as of late...
|Tatum squints at Jones, almost as if the question physically injured his brain|
Tatum Coe: Why would I give the slightest whisper of a care about the Tag Team Titles? Do you see my tag partner anywhere? Have I ever been involved in a Tag Team match?
Jones: I’m just saying, there’s been a little back and forth between you and the Valdez brothers.
Tatum Coe: The only Valdez people I know are the ones who mow my lawn. I don’t waste my time and energy thinking about individuals who won’t be here next month. I’ve got better things to do...things which you’ve nearly made me late for. This interview is over.
|Arrogantly, Tatum turns around and walks away, leaving Jones, once again, in his proverbial dust, contemplating his regrettable assignment|
Jones: Mr. Coe
|Tatum looks over the top edge of the paper and instantly rolls his eyes|
Tatum Coe: You again? Don’t you have anything better to do? Am I literally the only person in OCW worth bothering?
|Jones holds his tongue, restraining the words he’d really like to unleash|
Jones: Sorry to bother you
Tatum Coe: Yes, you are bothering me. As a matter of fact, I’m about to dine with some very important people.
Jones: This will only take a minute.
Tatum Coe: Well, you’ve been standing there for two, so hurry it up.
Jones: OCW Hall of Famer Alice Knight is rumored to be re-joining the company and, judging by what I’ve been told, President Dean is eyeing the Paradigm Championship Match as her return bout. I’ve also heard that’s a slot he’s envisioned for your return, Mr. Coe.
|Coe slaps the paper shut, folds it neatly in half, then again, and places it gently on the wooden coffee table in front of him. He stands up and pulls on his blazer, making sure it’s unwrinkled and in mint condition. He looks down at the diminutive Jones|
Tatum Coe: I don’t have time to comment on rumors and innuendo. Until you have something concrete, please quit bothering me.
Jones: I just want to know, have you had discussions about the Paradigm Title Match?
Tatum Coe: What goes on between me and Dean is strictly between Dean and me. The minute anything is official, I’m sure you’ll be informed. Until then, go grab McDonalds or something, I’ve got a date with Prime Rib and High Society.
Jones: Care to comment on the news that Awe.Some will be facing ItsuPuma for the OCw Tag Team Titles? I know you’ve had issues with Awe.Some as of late...
|Tatum squints at Jones, almost as if the question physically injured his brain|
Tatum Coe: Why would I give the slightest whisper of a care about the Tag Team Titles? Do you see my tag partner anywhere? Have I ever been involved in a Tag Team match?
Jones: I’m just saying, there’s been a little back and forth between you and the Valdez brothers.
Tatum Coe: The only Valdez people I know are the ones who mow my lawn. I don’t waste my time and energy thinking about individuals who won’t be here next month. I’ve got better things to do...things which you’ve nearly made me late for. This interview is over.
|Arrogantly, Tatum turns around and walks away, leaving Jones, once again, in his proverbial dust, contemplating his regrettable assignment|
PerZag Reportedly Ambushed Outside of OCW Headquarters
Details are sketchy at this hour, but we're being told that OCW Wrestler, PerZag, was meeting with officials at the OCW Headquarters, apparently discussing additional Revenge plans and possible opponents, when he was attacked while exiting the building shortly thereafter.
OCW medics were quickly on the scene, tending to the battled superstar.
One person witnessed the attack, but offered very little in the way of information by saying, "I saw this blonde guy leaving the building when a person came out of nowhere and jumped him from behind. They hit him in the back of the head with something and then just kicked away until they noticed me watching. That's when they took off."
The eye witness couldn't identify whether the assailant was male or female, simply stressing how agile and violent they appeared during the attack.
Shortly after news of the incident hit air waves, President Dean released the following statement:
"We are aware of the unfortunate attack that took place this evening. PerZag was meeting with me tonight to discuss match stipulations and possible opponents for Revenge, as well as a couple of contract details and other scheduling items. It is out goal to make this a safe haven for wrestlers to come and discuss their careers and other pro wrestling opportunities. This is obviously a dangerous sport we compete in, so to have a safe working environment is of extreme importance. An issue like this, staining the sanctity of our headquarters, will not be taken lightly. We will move swiftly to discover PerZag's assailant and, once we identify them, will pursue appropriate justification"
As far as PerZag's health is concerned, I'm told he's been released from the local hospital and is on his way home. More details will be delivered as they are unveiled.
OCW medics were quickly on the scene, tending to the battled superstar.
One person witnessed the attack, but offered very little in the way of information by saying, "I saw this blonde guy leaving the building when a person came out of nowhere and jumped him from behind. They hit him in the back of the head with something and then just kicked away until they noticed me watching. That's when they took off."
The eye witness couldn't identify whether the assailant was male or female, simply stressing how agile and violent they appeared during the attack.
Shortly after news of the incident hit air waves, President Dean released the following statement:
"We are aware of the unfortunate attack that took place this evening. PerZag was meeting with me tonight to discuss match stipulations and possible opponents for Revenge, as well as a couple of contract details and other scheduling items. It is out goal to make this a safe haven for wrestlers to come and discuss their careers and other pro wrestling opportunities. This is obviously a dangerous sport we compete in, so to have a safe working environment is of extreme importance. An issue like this, staining the sanctity of our headquarters, will not be taken lightly. We will move swiftly to discover PerZag's assailant and, once we identify them, will pursue appropriate justification"
As far as PerZag's health is concerned, I'm told he's been released from the local hospital and is on his way home. More details will be delivered as they are unveiled.
Alice Knight and OCW Agree to Contract; Alice will Compete at Revenge for the Paradigm Championship
~We cut to Dean’s office as Smith re-enters with Alice Knight’s list of demands. Dean is standing over his desk with one of those light’s used to detect blood, semen or other disgusting fluids. He hovers it over his desk, nodding with approval~
President Dean: Excellent cleaning job
Smith: Excuse me, President Dean, sir...I have Miss Knight’s list of demands.
~Dean rips the paper out of Smith’s tiny hands~
President Dean: Can you just call her Alice? Miss Knight sounds so...well, not her.
Smith: Yes sir, sorry sir
~Dean reads demand number 1~
President Dean: Smith, remind me, how much does PerZag make, weekly?
~Smith leans forward and whispers in Dean’s ear. Dean lets out a low, angry growl~
President Dean: Fine
~Smith checks off Demand #1~
President Dean: When we’re done here, head over to Little Caesar’s pizza and get three of their generic five dollar large pizzas.
Smith: The wings?
President Dean: The what, sucka?
Smith: Wings, it comes with 15 wings.
~Dean stops and thinks, an idea hits him~
President Dean: Oh, the wing party we had last Friday, are there any left in the break room?
Smith: Twenty-three, I think
President Dean: Fucking precise right there. Bag up fifteen, toss them into a decent looking Styrofoam container, lump them with the Little Caesars pizzas into a brown paper bag and write Party Combo on it, okay?
~Smith checks off Demand #2...Dean moves on to Demand #3, Smith stops him~
Smith: I, umm, have that one covered, sir.
~Dean gives Smith a weird look before eyeing Demand #4~
President Dean: Hand me my boiling hot coffee
~Smith does as requested. Dean ‘accidentally’ spills it all over Demand #4, blurring it beyond recognition~
President Dean: Whoops, looks like we can’t make that one out, let’s move on to Demand #5.
~Dean reads the fifth demand~
President Dean: What the fuck is wrong with this woman
Smith: Well, I mean, they are animals, you can’t very well let them starve.
President Dean: Big cat lover, eh?
Smith: I’m a fan, sure
President Dean: Great, so the unlimited supply of ant and cat food will come out of your salary. Thanks for taking one for the team, Smith. A true company employee...alright, time for Demand #6.
~Dean reads #6~
President Dean: Oh, shit, I just lumped five and six together. Go ahead and check both off.
~Dean moves on to Demand #7~
President Dean: Smith, when we’re done here, walk through the office collecting money from our employees. Say it’s for the Dean Foundation or maybe the sick animal fund...I don’t care, just something they can empathize with. Make sure you get AT LEAST $150 in donations. Of that, turn $100 into a thrift store gift card.
Smith: Alright, what if I get more than $150?
~Smith asks, hopeful he might be able to keep it~
President Dean: Deliver any additional funds to me immediately.
~Smith lowers his head as Dean moves on to Demand #9~
President Dean: Smith
~Smith slowly raises his head, appearing a bit worn down, but still hopeful~
President Dean: Do you have the keys to your furnished apartment handy?
~Smith hands Dean his keys. Dean rips the ‘Smith’ name from the key chain and replaces it with Alice Knight~
President Dean: Give these to Alice, tell her it’s the keys to her new home.
Smith: But where am I supposed to live?
President Dean: Damnit, Smith! Stay focused! Put a check mark next to Demand #9.
~Dean places his index finger next to Demand #9, showing Smith where to place his check mark. Smith does as ordered. Dean spots the final demand and lets out a sigh of frustration. He turns around and looks at the wall behind his desk. He hits a button underneath the desk top, causing the wall to raise. Underneath it is a glass window, allowing Dean an opportunity to look at Alice Knight, who remains in the interrogation room. Smith walks up next to Dean~
Smith: Sooo...JFK assassination or gummy worms?
~Alice begins sniffing her crayons~
President Dean: Gummy worms...but only the green ones.
Smith: You got it.
~Smith checks the final item off the list. He moves to deliver all the items to Alice, Dean stops him~
President Dean: And inform Alice she’s in the Paradigm Championship Match...that’s my one, lone demand...which, surprisingly, is the only sane demand in this entire process.
Smith: Great idea, boss! Now, about my new place...
President Dean: I don’t have time to chit chat, Smith! We’ve got work to do...no, hurry on and get her signed!
~Smith rushes off as we fade to black~
------------A little bit later----------------
We cut to Alice eating a slice of pizza. The wings already thrown in the garbage next to her table.
Alice Knight(mouth full of pizza) Thisgh isgh perfectgh. (swallows) All of this. Look at these gummy worms. All blue!!
Smith- Green.
Alice Knight- Teal?
Smith- Whatever… and you really don’t need THAT much cat food do you?
Alice Knight- No! I don’t. Come on. Haven’t you ever had a cat?
Smith(looks away dramatically)- …once upon a time…
Alice Knight- Well then you know they eat like savages. I kind of have a bitter sweet love hate relationship with them. Sometimes I kick one for a laugh, but what a laugh… but I immediately feel bad for doing so.
Smith- Right… and here’s the keys to my… your apartment. But your RV is ‘really cool’ you should think about staying in that… forever… right?
Alice Knight- DEAN CAME THROUGH ON A HOME!?! No way!?! And yeah, stay in a RV forever. Who am I? Robin Williams in that one movie, RV? We know how that story ends. A few belly laughs, a blooper reel and then killing yourself. No way! I’m moving in right away!
Smith- Well it’s my place, but I guess he really wants you apart of the company again. I guess I could move in with my sisters…
Alice puts her arms around Smith.
Alice Knight- Aww. Don’t worry Smithy-poo. You can stay. We can be roomies! It be fun! Imagine all the shenanigans we will get into. Painting a line in the middle of the apartment. Your side, my side! Putting our names on our food. This banana belongs to Alice. This cucumber belongs to Smith. WHO ATE HALF MY TURNIP! You’ll say. And I’m all like ‘Not me!’ Laugh track. (Alice laughs)
Smith- I guess… we could give it a try…
Alice Knight- That’s the spirit, Smith.
Smith- So you’re going to sign?
Alice Knight- You bet your sweet ass I am. (she slaps him on the behind) Give me that blue pen in your jacket pocket…
Smith- You mean this RED pen? Are you color blind, Alice?
Alice Knight(laughing as she signs the OCW contract)- You’re nuts. You. Are. Nuts. Plus I’ve never even noticed the color of Dean. Not once. But you’re nuts for thinking so! This is going to be exactly like Mork and Mindy. Which one of us will kill their self first? Laugh track. Too funny. Wanna slice?
Smith depressing holds up the contract.
Smith- No thanks. I’m going to rush this back to President Dean. Nice to have you on board Alice.
Alice Knight. Totes. I’ll be waiting in the RV when you’re ready to head… home. Kay roomie?
Smith puts his head down in disappointment and slowly walks out of the room.
President Dean: Excellent cleaning job
Smith: Excuse me, President Dean, sir...I have Miss Knight’s list of demands.
~Dean rips the paper out of Smith’s tiny hands~
President Dean: Can you just call her Alice? Miss Knight sounds so...well, not her.
Smith: Yes sir, sorry sir
~Dean reads demand number 1~
President Dean: Smith, remind me, how much does PerZag make, weekly?
~Smith leans forward and whispers in Dean’s ear. Dean lets out a low, angry growl~
President Dean: Fine
~Smith checks off Demand #1~
President Dean: When we’re done here, head over to Little Caesar’s pizza and get three of their generic five dollar large pizzas.
Smith: The wings?
President Dean: The what, sucka?
Smith: Wings, it comes with 15 wings.
~Dean stops and thinks, an idea hits him~
President Dean: Oh, the wing party we had last Friday, are there any left in the break room?
Smith: Twenty-three, I think
President Dean: Fucking precise right there. Bag up fifteen, toss them into a decent looking Styrofoam container, lump them with the Little Caesars pizzas into a brown paper bag and write Party Combo on it, okay?
~Smith checks off Demand #2...Dean moves on to Demand #3, Smith stops him~
Smith: I, umm, have that one covered, sir.
~Dean gives Smith a weird look before eyeing Demand #4~
President Dean: Hand me my boiling hot coffee
~Smith does as requested. Dean ‘accidentally’ spills it all over Demand #4, blurring it beyond recognition~
President Dean: Whoops, looks like we can’t make that one out, let’s move on to Demand #5.
~Dean reads the fifth demand~
President Dean: What the fuck is wrong with this woman
Smith: Well, I mean, they are animals, you can’t very well let them starve.
President Dean: Big cat lover, eh?
Smith: I’m a fan, sure
President Dean: Great, so the unlimited supply of ant and cat food will come out of your salary. Thanks for taking one for the team, Smith. A true company employee...alright, time for Demand #6.
~Dean reads #6~
President Dean: Oh, shit, I just lumped five and six together. Go ahead and check both off.
~Dean moves on to Demand #7~
President Dean: Smith, when we’re done here, walk through the office collecting money from our employees. Say it’s for the Dean Foundation or maybe the sick animal fund...I don’t care, just something they can empathize with. Make sure you get AT LEAST $150 in donations. Of that, turn $100 into a thrift store gift card.
Smith: Alright, what if I get more than $150?
~Smith asks, hopeful he might be able to keep it~
President Dean: Deliver any additional funds to me immediately.
~Smith lowers his head as Dean moves on to Demand #9~
President Dean: Smith
~Smith slowly raises his head, appearing a bit worn down, but still hopeful~
President Dean: Do you have the keys to your furnished apartment handy?
~Smith hands Dean his keys. Dean rips the ‘Smith’ name from the key chain and replaces it with Alice Knight~
President Dean: Give these to Alice, tell her it’s the keys to her new home.
Smith: But where am I supposed to live?
President Dean: Damnit, Smith! Stay focused! Put a check mark next to Demand #9.
~Dean places his index finger next to Demand #9, showing Smith where to place his check mark. Smith does as ordered. Dean spots the final demand and lets out a sigh of frustration. He turns around and looks at the wall behind his desk. He hits a button underneath the desk top, causing the wall to raise. Underneath it is a glass window, allowing Dean an opportunity to look at Alice Knight, who remains in the interrogation room. Smith walks up next to Dean~
Smith: Sooo...JFK assassination or gummy worms?
~Alice begins sniffing her crayons~
President Dean: Gummy worms...but only the green ones.
Smith: You got it.
~Smith checks the final item off the list. He moves to deliver all the items to Alice, Dean stops him~
President Dean: And inform Alice she’s in the Paradigm Championship Match...that’s my one, lone demand...which, surprisingly, is the only sane demand in this entire process.
Smith: Great idea, boss! Now, about my new place...
President Dean: I don’t have time to chit chat, Smith! We’ve got work to do...no, hurry on and get her signed!
~Smith rushes off as we fade to black~
------------A little bit later----------------
We cut to Alice eating a slice of pizza. The wings already thrown in the garbage next to her table.
Alice Knight(mouth full of pizza) Thisgh isgh perfectgh. (swallows) All of this. Look at these gummy worms. All blue!!
Smith- Green.
Alice Knight- Teal?
Smith- Whatever… and you really don’t need THAT much cat food do you?
Alice Knight- No! I don’t. Come on. Haven’t you ever had a cat?
Smith(looks away dramatically)- …once upon a time…
Alice Knight- Well then you know they eat like savages. I kind of have a bitter sweet love hate relationship with them. Sometimes I kick one for a laugh, but what a laugh… but I immediately feel bad for doing so.
Smith- Right… and here’s the keys to my… your apartment. But your RV is ‘really cool’ you should think about staying in that… forever… right?
Alice Knight- DEAN CAME THROUGH ON A HOME!?! No way!?! And yeah, stay in a RV forever. Who am I? Robin Williams in that one movie, RV? We know how that story ends. A few belly laughs, a blooper reel and then killing yourself. No way! I’m moving in right away!
Smith- Well it’s my place, but I guess he really wants you apart of the company again. I guess I could move in with my sisters…
Alice puts her arms around Smith.
Alice Knight- Aww. Don’t worry Smithy-poo. You can stay. We can be roomies! It be fun! Imagine all the shenanigans we will get into. Painting a line in the middle of the apartment. Your side, my side! Putting our names on our food. This banana belongs to Alice. This cucumber belongs to Smith. WHO ATE HALF MY TURNIP! You’ll say. And I’m all like ‘Not me!’ Laugh track. (Alice laughs)
Smith- I guess… we could give it a try…
Alice Knight- That’s the spirit, Smith.
Smith- So you’re going to sign?
Alice Knight- You bet your sweet ass I am. (she slaps him on the behind) Give me that blue pen in your jacket pocket…
Smith- You mean this RED pen? Are you color blind, Alice?
Alice Knight(laughing as she signs the OCW contract)- You’re nuts. You. Are. Nuts. Plus I’ve never even noticed the color of Dean. Not once. But you’re nuts for thinking so! This is going to be exactly like Mork and Mindy. Which one of us will kill their self first? Laugh track. Too funny. Wanna slice?
Smith depressing holds up the contract.
Smith- No thanks. I’m going to rush this back to President Dean. Nice to have you on board Alice.
Alice Knight. Totes. I’ll be waiting in the RV when you’re ready to head… home. Kay roomie?
Smith puts his head down in disappointment and slowly walks out of the room.
Alice Knight Amends List of Demands, Sends them to Dean
We see Smith walking down a long hallway holding a piece of paper. He enters a dark integration like room only lit up by a desk lamp on the small table. Alice is sitting at the table biting her lip as she draws. She waves at Smith as he closes the door.
Smith- Hey Alice. Dean… um… wanted you to be more clear on your demands. And this time use a piece of paper instead of… you know.
Alice Knight- It’s all we had at the time. Look I drew you.
She holds up a crayon drawn drawing of what appears to be a duck wearing glasses.
Alice Knight- It’s you! If you were a duck!
Quack. Quack!
Alice laughs and continues to draw.
Smith- Here’ the paper. Please do it fast. Dean is very impatient. And I like you Alice, let’s just make this simple and move on to the future of OCW. Cool?
Alice grabs the piece of paper and gets right into it with her crayons.
LiSt oF DeManDs
1. A weekly paycheck. I want as much as PerZag is making at least. (American dollars, not Australian)
2. A Pizza and Wings party combo. That’s 3 LARGE pizzas. With 3 toppings on each. And about 15 wings. Doesn’t matter what sauce is on the wings. I’m no eating them. They’ll end up in the trashcan. BUT they are included with the Party Combo so I expect to see them.
3. The Purple Rain soundtrack on vinyl, CD and cassette. The cassette tape we have now is worn out.
4. A surgical transformation to have gills and webfeet like Kevin Costner in Waterworld. Or if too unrealistic. Just a cool scuba gear.
5. Unlimited supply of ant food.
6. Unlimited supply of cat food. (at least until the cats are fat enough to eat)
7. Gas money. 50 bucks outta do it.
8. 100 dollar gift card to The Thrift Shop. I need new a wardrobe.
9. A house/apartment. In the States, of course. Doesn’t have to be anything special. Just a place to shit and shower and sleep. You pay the first 2 months of rent until my weekly OCW check comes in.
10. Finally, who really shot JFK? Was it Patton Oswald? Or was it NOT he? Was it the smoker guys like in that Kevin Costner movie, Waterworld. I want this conspiracy out there and forever Americans to know the truth. (if you can’t deliver this… then just a large tub of gummy worms will do.)
She slides the paper back to smith.
Smith- Hey Alice. Dean… um… wanted you to be more clear on your demands. And this time use a piece of paper instead of… you know.
Alice Knight- It’s all we had at the time. Look I drew you.
She holds up a crayon drawn drawing of what appears to be a duck wearing glasses.
Alice Knight- It’s you! If you were a duck!
Quack. Quack!
Alice laughs and continues to draw.
Smith- Here’ the paper. Please do it fast. Dean is very impatient. And I like you Alice, let’s just make this simple and move on to the future of OCW. Cool?
Alice grabs the piece of paper and gets right into it with her crayons.
LiSt oF DeManDs
1. A weekly paycheck. I want as much as PerZag is making at least. (American dollars, not Australian)
2. A Pizza and Wings party combo. That’s 3 LARGE pizzas. With 3 toppings on each. And about 15 wings. Doesn’t matter what sauce is on the wings. I’m no eating them. They’ll end up in the trashcan. BUT they are included with the Party Combo so I expect to see them.
3. The Purple Rain soundtrack on vinyl, CD and cassette. The cassette tape we have now is worn out.
4. A surgical transformation to have gills and webfeet like Kevin Costner in Waterworld. Or if too unrealistic. Just a cool scuba gear.
5. Unlimited supply of ant food.
6. Unlimited supply of cat food. (at least until the cats are fat enough to eat)
7. Gas money. 50 bucks outta do it.
8. 100 dollar gift card to The Thrift Shop. I need new a wardrobe.
9. A house/apartment. In the States, of course. Doesn’t have to be anything special. Just a place to shit and shower and sleep. You pay the first 2 months of rent until my weekly OCW check comes in.
10. Finally, who really shot JFK? Was it Patton Oswald? Or was it NOT he? Was it the smoker guys like in that Kevin Costner movie, Waterworld. I want this conspiracy out there and forever Americans to know the truth. (if you can’t deliver this… then just a large tub of gummy worms will do.)
She slides the paper back to smith.
OCW President Dean Receives Contract Demands from Alice Knight
~We cut to President Dean’s office as he and Smith are staring intently at something placed atop Dean’s freshly polished desk. Dean is leaning forward in his giant throne-like chair while Smith stands on the other side of the desk, hunched over. Using his index finger, Dean points a few things out~
President Dean: What the fuck is this, sucka? Did she write this shit in crayon?
Smith: Looks like renderings produced from colorful hardened wax, sir.
President Dean: And what is that, is that a house?
~We focus in on what appears to be a crudely drawn, crayon house. Much like you’d find inside a kindergarten class room~
Smith: Apparently, at least, that’s how I remember being taught to draw houses when I was, like, five.
President Dean: This is her list of demands, right?
Smith: Correct
President Dean: So, is she saying she wants a fucking house?
Smith: Maybe...but, what about the stick people standing in front of the house, or that weird broccoli looking tree to the side or...that...what is that?
President Dean: Is that a giant fucking slice of pizza just sitting in the middle of nowhere for no reason?
~We focus in on what apparently is a giant slice of pizza arbitrarily placed in the picture~
Smith: She must have got hungry while drawing.
President Dean: And what did she draw this on, by the way...it’s brown and it smells kind of funky
~Dean tilts the paper as some sand slides off. He instantly stares at Smith who stares back at Dean. Smith’s head jerks back as Dean pops to his feet~
President Dean: Is that what I fucking think it is?
Smith: Looks like the bottom of a litter box, sir
President Dean: Mother fucker...get the cleaning crew in here ASAP...I want this entire room thoroughly cleansed and go find Killface...tell him to hunt down Alice Knight and figure out what the fuck she wants.
Smith: You got it!
~We fade to black~
President Dean: What the fuck is this, sucka? Did she write this shit in crayon?
Smith: Looks like renderings produced from colorful hardened wax, sir.
President Dean: And what is that, is that a house?
~We focus in on what appears to be a crudely drawn, crayon house. Much like you’d find inside a kindergarten class room~
Smith: Apparently, at least, that’s how I remember being taught to draw houses when I was, like, five.
President Dean: This is her list of demands, right?
Smith: Correct
President Dean: So, is she saying she wants a fucking house?
Smith: Maybe...but, what about the stick people standing in front of the house, or that weird broccoli looking tree to the side or...that...what is that?
President Dean: Is that a giant fucking slice of pizza just sitting in the middle of nowhere for no reason?
~We focus in on what apparently is a giant slice of pizza arbitrarily placed in the picture~
Smith: She must have got hungry while drawing.
President Dean: And what did she draw this on, by the way...it’s brown and it smells kind of funky
~Dean tilts the paper as some sand slides off. He instantly stares at Smith who stares back at Dean. Smith’s head jerks back as Dean pops to his feet~
President Dean: Is that what I fucking think it is?
Smith: Looks like the bottom of a litter box, sir
President Dean: Mother fucker...get the cleaning crew in here ASAP...I want this entire room thoroughly cleansed and go find Killface...tell him to hunt down Alice Knight and figure out what the fuck she wants.
Smith: You got it!
~We fade to black~
Breaking News: Tag Match Announced for Revenge!
~We open up inside an OCW owned warehouse, located somewhere near the company’s headquarters. President Dean is wearing hard hat along with safety goggles. Standing next to him is an architect with blue prints for a structure. On Dean’s other side is Smith. Dean points a few items out, correctly some items that don’t seem to match his vision. The architect pulls a pencil out from behind his left ear and draws up the necessary corrections before heading off. Dean turns to Smith whose head is unprotected~
Smith: So glad I was able to track you down, sir! I believe we have an announcement to make?
President Dean: Damnit, sucka, you know you’re not supposed to enter into the warehouse without the proper head gear. I can’t have you sustaining any brain injuries, that would leave Hood all alone to broadcast our events...can you imagine what that would be like?
~Smith shudders at the thought~
President Dean: Exactly...
~Dean looks around, noticing the appropriate head gear is, like, several feet away. So, he sighs~
President Dean: Well, I’m not walking over there, so make it quick.
Smith: The wrestling world is anxiously awaiting this HUGE Revenge announcement...so, Mr. Dean, sir...what is it?
President Dean: Well, Smith, we’re only nine days away from the Revenge lineup being final...set in stone, if you will. Which means we need to get some shit booked, right? We already have our number one contenders match...we have half of our Savage Title match and, of course, our Oh Shit match...what we don’t have, yet, is our Tag Title Match.
Smith: So, the rumors were true, the Tag Team Titles are returning!
President Dean: Damn straight, sucka! You think I’d ignore titles with such tradition...such history?
Smith: No
President Dean: Absolutely not was the answer I was looking for...but close enough. So, let’s get to it...on Saturday, February 28th, for the OCW Tag Team Titles...Awe.Some will take on IstuPuma!
Smith: Wow! I don’t know why I’m shocked, considering they are the only two teams on the roster...but still, HUGE announcement!
President Dean: Yep, but that’s not all...this match will be a Climb the Rope match!
Smith: What’s that?
President Dean: To win, a wrestler must climb a rope hanging in the middle of the ring...much like gym class...grab the title at the top and return to the mat with the title in their grasp. The first team that accomplishes this feat will win the match and become the new OCW Tag Champs.
Smith: Interesting...so, like a Ladder match, only without the ladder.
President Dean: If you want to take some of the luster off of the originality then, sure.
Smith: Wow! Tremendous...
President Dean: Hold on, Smith, I’m not done.
Smith: There’s more?
President Dean: There’s always more...the winner of the match will be given the opportunity of choosing the new name of the Tag Team Titles.
Smith: That’s pretty neat-o
President Dean: Uhh, sure. They will get to choose between Gemini or...
~Dean swallows hard, finding the next word extremely hard to cough up~
President Dean: Twinsies
~Dean’s face scowls~
Smith: ....
President Dean: ...
Smith: Umm, is that it?
President Dean: Do you hear me talking?
Smith: Well, technically you just...
~Dean glares at Smith~
Smith: Not important...there you have it, folks! Awe.Some will take on ItsuPuma at Revenge for the OCW Tag Titles in a Climb the Rope Match. The winners, aside from being Tag Champs, will be allowed to pick the name for the titles, forever stamping their legacy on the division! That’s it for now...I’m going to get out of here before a giant piece of metal hits me in the eye or something!
~Smith scurries off, the camera quickly jerks to the left. As it does, we catch a shot of a giant, Plexiglas structure being put together. It almost looks like a cell or a cage, definitely a cube of sorts. As we attempt to close in on it, Dean’s giant palm engulfs the lens of the camera, effectively ending our scene~
Smith: So glad I was able to track you down, sir! I believe we have an announcement to make?
President Dean: Damnit, sucka, you know you’re not supposed to enter into the warehouse without the proper head gear. I can’t have you sustaining any brain injuries, that would leave Hood all alone to broadcast our events...can you imagine what that would be like?
~Smith shudders at the thought~
President Dean: Exactly...
~Dean looks around, noticing the appropriate head gear is, like, several feet away. So, he sighs~
President Dean: Well, I’m not walking over there, so make it quick.
Smith: The wrestling world is anxiously awaiting this HUGE Revenge announcement...so, Mr. Dean, sir...what is it?
President Dean: Well, Smith, we’re only nine days away from the Revenge lineup being final...set in stone, if you will. Which means we need to get some shit booked, right? We already have our number one contenders match...we have half of our Savage Title match and, of course, our Oh Shit match...what we don’t have, yet, is our Tag Title Match.
Smith: So, the rumors were true, the Tag Team Titles are returning!
President Dean: Damn straight, sucka! You think I’d ignore titles with such tradition...such history?
Smith: No
President Dean: Absolutely not was the answer I was looking for...but close enough. So, let’s get to it...on Saturday, February 28th, for the OCW Tag Team Titles...Awe.Some will take on IstuPuma!
Smith: Wow! I don’t know why I’m shocked, considering they are the only two teams on the roster...but still, HUGE announcement!
President Dean: Yep, but that’s not all...this match will be a Climb the Rope match!
Smith: What’s that?
President Dean: To win, a wrestler must climb a rope hanging in the middle of the ring...much like gym class...grab the title at the top and return to the mat with the title in their grasp. The first team that accomplishes this feat will win the match and become the new OCW Tag Champs.
Smith: Interesting...so, like a Ladder match, only without the ladder.
President Dean: If you want to take some of the luster off of the originality then, sure.
Smith: Wow! Tremendous...
President Dean: Hold on, Smith, I’m not done.
Smith: There’s more?
President Dean: There’s always more...the winner of the match will be given the opportunity of choosing the new name of the Tag Team Titles.
Smith: That’s pretty neat-o
President Dean: Uhh, sure. They will get to choose between Gemini or...
~Dean swallows hard, finding the next word extremely hard to cough up~
President Dean: Twinsies
~Dean’s face scowls~
Smith: ....
President Dean: ...
Smith: Umm, is that it?
President Dean: Do you hear me talking?
Smith: Well, technically you just...
~Dean glares at Smith~
Smith: Not important...there you have it, folks! Awe.Some will take on ItsuPuma at Revenge for the OCW Tag Titles in a Climb the Rope Match. The winners, aside from being Tag Champs, will be allowed to pick the name for the titles, forever stamping their legacy on the division! That’s it for now...I’m going to get out of here before a giant piece of metal hits me in the eye or something!
~Smith scurries off, the camera quickly jerks to the left. As it does, we catch a shot of a giant, Plexiglas structure being put together. It almost looks like a cell or a cage, definitely a cube of sorts. As we attempt to close in on it, Dean’s giant palm engulfs the lens of the camera, effectively ending our scene~
Awe.Some Meets with President Dean; Looks to Push a New Line of Hair Gel
We are taken to Prez. Dean's office which is the epitome of business. Huge oak desk with a leather chair. Book shelves are lined up along the walls and are filled with all kinds of books and wrestling DVD's from OCW's past events. One of the walls features a huge poster advertising Revenge, OCW's return to in-ring action on February 28th, 2015. A coffee table with some donuts sits in the corner.
There's also one impressive rubber tree plant!
The camera pans over to Prez. Dean and Smith standing in front of the oak desk. Smith has a manila folder in hand and is thumbing through its contents.
Prez. Dean: This lawsuit is serious business, Smith. I want the best legal help we can find.
Smith: I understand sir. You asked me to search for the best lawyers in the country and here they are.
Smith hands Dean the folder.
Prez. Dean: Well done, sucka.
The door of Dean's office is heard opening out of the shot.
Randy Valdez: Wow look at the size of that plant!
A second later, Awe.Some accompanied with Rachel Valdez enter the picture.
Prez. Dean turns his attention to the Valdez trio, then back to Smith.
Prez. Dean: Thanks for your help, Smith. You have a good day.
Smith nods and leaves the scene. Prez. Dean turns his full attention to Awe.Some with a smile on his face.
Prez. Dean: Gentlemen. Let me formally say on behalf of our fans -- welcome to OCW.
Prez. Dean extends his hand to Ricky Valdez with a smile on his face. Ricky shakes his hand, followed by Randy then finally Rachel.
Prez. Dean: It is an absolute pleasure to have Awe.Some here on this roster. I've heard great things about the ability of you boys and I'm sure this partnership will be one that will bring OCW to a new level. There's coffee and donuts over there if you fellas want to help yourselves.
Ricky and Randy don't even reply. Instead, they instantly brush past Rachel and head off to the donuts.
Prez. Dean chuckles to himself as Rachel shakes her head shamefully.
Rachel Valdez: I'm sorry. They're both addicted to anything loaded with sugar.
Prez. Dean: Well Miss Valdez, as long as they're ready to roll come Revenge, they can take as much as they please.
Rachel Valdez: Thank you Dean. And thank you for the opportunity to be here in OCW. This new format you're looking to establish is ripe with potential and I'm thrilled we were able to come to a contractual agreement. We're here to help OCW become a hit with wrestling fans.
Prez. Dean: I have no doubt that will happen.
Rachel Valdez: As do I. Do you have plans for Ricky and Randy at this time with regards to Revenge?
Prez. Dean: Unfortunately Rachel I cannot say at this time that I definitively do. As you may imagine, the past week has been a busy one and now I have additional matters to attend to that I was not anticipating...
Prez. Dean briefly looks down at the folder in his hands.
Prez. Dean: Rest assured though that we'll have something finalized soon enough.
Rachel Valdez: I understand. In the meantime, I was thinking about the OCW and particularly its growth potential. And one way to make the OCW grow is by getting the OCW brand out there. Not just in the ring, but outside the ring as well.
Prez. Dean: Meaning?
Rachel Valdez: Sir, I'd like an opportunity to help you showcase some authentic OCW merchandise. If you think the fans would love some redesigned shirts, Awe.Some can help flaunt them. Perhaps some hats or gloves could also be in the mix. Sports bottles. Workout gear. You name it. We'd like a chance to bring more of the OCW brand to the public eyes and I believe you'll find Ricky and Randy to be the most professional duo on the roster to accomplish that.
Ricky and Randy both shuffle back into the scene. Ricky is eating a donut in his right hand and is stuffing a second donut into the pocket of his hoodie. Randy is holding a cup of coffee and a donut is seen bobbing at the top of the cup. Prez. Dean looks at the two. It looks as though he's trying not to laugh.
Prez. Dean: Hmm. You know, I think I have just the thing here.
Prez. Dean turns to his desk to retrieve something, then back to Awe.Some. He hands Ricky a small tube.
Prez. Dean: This is a new line of hair gel we're thinking of launching. If you can help give it some attention, it could become a staple product of ours.
Ricky opens the tube and takes a sniff.
Ricky Valdez: OH GOD!
Ricky clutches his nose and hands the tube to Randy. Randy squeezes the tube.
Randy Valdez: It's like wet cement...
Rachel Valdez: We'll take it sir. Thank you.
Prez. Dean: Thank you very much.
Prez. Dean and Rachel shake hands once again as the scene closes.
There's also one impressive rubber tree plant!
The camera pans over to Prez. Dean and Smith standing in front of the oak desk. Smith has a manila folder in hand and is thumbing through its contents.
Prez. Dean: This lawsuit is serious business, Smith. I want the best legal help we can find.
Smith: I understand sir. You asked me to search for the best lawyers in the country and here they are.
Smith hands Dean the folder.
Prez. Dean: Well done, sucka.
The door of Dean's office is heard opening out of the shot.
Randy Valdez: Wow look at the size of that plant!
A second later, Awe.Some accompanied with Rachel Valdez enter the picture.
Prez. Dean turns his attention to the Valdez trio, then back to Smith.
Prez. Dean: Thanks for your help, Smith. You have a good day.
Smith nods and leaves the scene. Prez. Dean turns his full attention to Awe.Some with a smile on his face.
Prez. Dean: Gentlemen. Let me formally say on behalf of our fans -- welcome to OCW.
Prez. Dean extends his hand to Ricky Valdez with a smile on his face. Ricky shakes his hand, followed by Randy then finally Rachel.
Prez. Dean: It is an absolute pleasure to have Awe.Some here on this roster. I've heard great things about the ability of you boys and I'm sure this partnership will be one that will bring OCW to a new level. There's coffee and donuts over there if you fellas want to help yourselves.
Ricky and Randy don't even reply. Instead, they instantly brush past Rachel and head off to the donuts.
Prez. Dean chuckles to himself as Rachel shakes her head shamefully.
Rachel Valdez: I'm sorry. They're both addicted to anything loaded with sugar.
Prez. Dean: Well Miss Valdez, as long as they're ready to roll come Revenge, they can take as much as they please.
Rachel Valdez: Thank you Dean. And thank you for the opportunity to be here in OCW. This new format you're looking to establish is ripe with potential and I'm thrilled we were able to come to a contractual agreement. We're here to help OCW become a hit with wrestling fans.
Prez. Dean: I have no doubt that will happen.
Rachel Valdez: As do I. Do you have plans for Ricky and Randy at this time with regards to Revenge?
Prez. Dean: Unfortunately Rachel I cannot say at this time that I definitively do. As you may imagine, the past week has been a busy one and now I have additional matters to attend to that I was not anticipating...
Prez. Dean briefly looks down at the folder in his hands.
Prez. Dean: Rest assured though that we'll have something finalized soon enough.
Rachel Valdez: I understand. In the meantime, I was thinking about the OCW and particularly its growth potential. And one way to make the OCW grow is by getting the OCW brand out there. Not just in the ring, but outside the ring as well.
Prez. Dean: Meaning?
Rachel Valdez: Sir, I'd like an opportunity to help you showcase some authentic OCW merchandise. If you think the fans would love some redesigned shirts, Awe.Some can help flaunt them. Perhaps some hats or gloves could also be in the mix. Sports bottles. Workout gear. You name it. We'd like a chance to bring more of the OCW brand to the public eyes and I believe you'll find Ricky and Randy to be the most professional duo on the roster to accomplish that.
Ricky and Randy both shuffle back into the scene. Ricky is eating a donut in his right hand and is stuffing a second donut into the pocket of his hoodie. Randy is holding a cup of coffee and a donut is seen bobbing at the top of the cup. Prez. Dean looks at the two. It looks as though he's trying not to laugh.
Prez. Dean: Hmm. You know, I think I have just the thing here.
Prez. Dean turns to his desk to retrieve something, then back to Awe.Some. He hands Ricky a small tube.
Prez. Dean: This is a new line of hair gel we're thinking of launching. If you can help give it some attention, it could become a staple product of ours.
Ricky opens the tube and takes a sniff.
Ricky Valdez: OH GOD!
Ricky clutches his nose and hands the tube to Randy. Randy squeezes the tube.
Randy Valdez: It's like wet cement...
Rachel Valdez: We'll take it sir. Thank you.
Prez. Dean: Thank you very much.
Prez. Dean and Rachel shake hands once again as the scene closes.
It's Official, Itsumade, Kimiko and Black Puma are Returning to OCW
OCW Newswire can confirm it! Local diner on the corner of Madison and Evergreen Way, Patti's Eggnest has the best Corned Beef Hash in the Pacific Northwest and at the best price. For only $9.95, come enjoy a hefty serving of corned beef hash, 3 eggs any style, hash browns, toast and coffee.
Also while there, OCW Newswire came across former professional boxer and OCW talent liason, Ted Nelson aka the Black Puma who enjoyed a Seahawks Scramble, a Patti's Eggnest special featuring a scramble of eggs, onions, bell peppers, chicken fried steak, and country gravy. He had this to say;
"This shit is amazing and some of the best coffee in town. Also, Itsumade and Kimiko got their Work Visas figured out, they should be back in the states within the month,"
So come on down to Patti's Eggnest fo the best food in Everett, WA!
Also while there, OCW Newswire came across former professional boxer and OCW talent liason, Ted Nelson aka the Black Puma who enjoyed a Seahawks Scramble, a Patti's Eggnest special featuring a scramble of eggs, onions, bell peppers, chicken fried steak, and country gravy. He had this to say;
"This shit is amazing and some of the best coffee in town. Also, Itsumade and Kimiko got their Work Visas figured out, they should be back in the states within the month,"
So come on down to Patti's Eggnest fo the best food in Everett, WA!
Footage of Chad Vargas disrupting Grenier's PC; Grenier vs. Vargas is a GO for Revenge
~An image of Smith is shown, inside OCW Headquarters~
Smith: Ladies and Gentlemen, as most of you heard earlier this morning, the scheduled Bob Grenier announcement was postponed due to an unexpected ‘disturbance’. Well, cell phone footage of the incident has surfaced and I, Smith, am here to bring it to you.
~Grainy footage is shown of the OCW Press Conference room as Grenier is standing behind the podium, getting ready to speak. Before he’s able to begin, the press entry way doors are flung open as a man with blonde hair and Oakley shades enters. He can’t be identified as the heads of other reporters are in the way. He points at Grenier and yells, “Hey mother fucker, have a nice trip?!”. Grenier smiles and steps away from the podium, yelling something back. The blonde man rushes the front as Grenier hops over the table next to the podium and leaps through the air, jumping on top of the blonde haired individual. The two suddenly become immersed in an all out brawl with press members scattering and OCW officials working to separate them. With most of the press out of the way and the two individuals separated, we suddenly identify the man as none other than Chad Vargas. Vargas, whose face is blood red, is yelling at Grenier who is smiling, trying to break free. A group of officers quickly rush the room, grabbing Vargas and forcefully removing him from the Press room. Dean then works to calm Grenier down as we cut back to Smith~
Smith: There you have it, Chad Vargas, The Confederate Icon himself, was the disturbance that delayed the highly anticipated Grenier announcement. What comes of this is yet to be...wait a minute...
~Smith messes with an ear piece~
Smith: I’m being told President Dean is releasing a statement at this very minute...let’s check it out
~We cut to a shot of President Dean in his office, setting behind his desk~
President Dean: Well, I had hoped the footage of this morning’s calamity wouldn’t surface...sadly, fucking cell phones are everywhere. Anyway, it’s true, Chad Vargas was the disturbance that ruined our big announcement this morning. After he was escorted away from several officers, I had planned on pressing charges...but Grenier insisted we head in another direction.
~Dean takes in a deep breath, obviously not a huge fan of what he’s about to say~
President Dean: So, due to Bifford’s failed physical, I have decided that at Revenge, in a #1 Contender’s Match with the winner to face Mack O’Connor for the World Title in the main event, it will be Chad Vargas versus Bob Grenier.
~Dean pauses for a moment, allowing the announcement a chance to sink in~
President Dean: However, and this is the only part I really am a fan of, this match will be conducted under normal, standard, traditional wrestling rules. No weapons, no melee, no hardcore elements...these suckas think they can ruin my vision? Fuck them, I will put them in an environment they hate...a traditional wrestling match.
~We cut back to Smith~
Smith: So, there you have it, folks! Huge announcement as Revenge continues to come together! Bob Grenier against Chad Vargas a feud far from settled will add another chapter on February 28th!
~We fade out~
Smith: Ladies and Gentlemen, as most of you heard earlier this morning, the scheduled Bob Grenier announcement was postponed due to an unexpected ‘disturbance’. Well, cell phone footage of the incident has surfaced and I, Smith, am here to bring it to you.
~Grainy footage is shown of the OCW Press Conference room as Grenier is standing behind the podium, getting ready to speak. Before he’s able to begin, the press entry way doors are flung open as a man with blonde hair and Oakley shades enters. He can’t be identified as the heads of other reporters are in the way. He points at Grenier and yells, “Hey mother fucker, have a nice trip?!”. Grenier smiles and steps away from the podium, yelling something back. The blonde man rushes the front as Grenier hops over the table next to the podium and leaps through the air, jumping on top of the blonde haired individual. The two suddenly become immersed in an all out brawl with press members scattering and OCW officials working to separate them. With most of the press out of the way and the two individuals separated, we suddenly identify the man as none other than Chad Vargas. Vargas, whose face is blood red, is yelling at Grenier who is smiling, trying to break free. A group of officers quickly rush the room, grabbing Vargas and forcefully removing him from the Press room. Dean then works to calm Grenier down as we cut back to Smith~
Smith: There you have it, Chad Vargas, The Confederate Icon himself, was the disturbance that delayed the highly anticipated Grenier announcement. What comes of this is yet to be...wait a minute...
~Smith messes with an ear piece~
Smith: I’m being told President Dean is releasing a statement at this very minute...let’s check it out
~We cut to a shot of President Dean in his office, setting behind his desk~
President Dean: Well, I had hoped the footage of this morning’s calamity wouldn’t surface...sadly, fucking cell phones are everywhere. Anyway, it’s true, Chad Vargas was the disturbance that ruined our big announcement this morning. After he was escorted away from several officers, I had planned on pressing charges...but Grenier insisted we head in another direction.
~Dean takes in a deep breath, obviously not a huge fan of what he’s about to say~
President Dean: So, due to Bifford’s failed physical, I have decided that at Revenge, in a #1 Contender’s Match with the winner to face Mack O’Connor for the World Title in the main event, it will be Chad Vargas versus Bob Grenier.
~Dean pauses for a moment, allowing the announcement a chance to sink in~
President Dean: However, and this is the only part I really am a fan of, this match will be conducted under normal, standard, traditional wrestling rules. No weapons, no melee, no hardcore elements...these suckas think they can ruin my vision? Fuck them, I will put them in an environment they hate...a traditional wrestling match.
~We cut back to Smith~
Smith: So, there you have it, folks! Huge announcement as Revenge continues to come together! Bob Grenier against Chad Vargas a feud far from settled will add another chapter on February 28th!
~We fade out~
Grenier Conference POSTPONED due to an unexpected interruption; Bifford receives the results of his physical
Breaking News: The scheduled Bob Grenier Press Conference has been delayed due to an unexpected interruption. Due to this unforeseen event, we bring you the results of Bifford's physical examination. As soon as we get footage and/or news of what happened at the Grenier Press Conference, we will bring it to you.
~We cut to the OCW headquarters where The Big Bifford and Smith are standing in a waiting area. Smith appears anxious while Bifford looks through a giant book of some kind~
Smith: Hello everyone, this is Smith live from the OCW Headquarters, bringing you an urgent news development concerning The Big Bifford and OCW Revenge. Bifford just took his physical examination and the results are due back any minute. Bifford, what are your thoughts?
~Bifford stops looking at the book~
The Big Bifford: Well, I’m thinking you and everyone else at home really need to invest twenty dollars into a brand new, hard cover copy of my book, “Biff’s Notes”.
Smith: Biff’s Notes?
The Big Bifford: Yes, Biff’s Notes
Smith: Is it a memoir of sorts, chronicling your illustrious career?
The Big Bifford: No, it’s my version of Cliff’s Notes, only instead of summarizing novels, I’m summarizing cook books.
Smith: Umm, how does that work, exactly?
The Big Bifford: Here, take a look
~Bifford shows the contents of his book to Smith and the camera. It’s basically a bunch of poorly photographed food~
Smith: Bifford, this book is a terrible idea. Cook books are only popular because of the ingrediants and directions contained within, instructing people on how to make neat meals. This completely defeats the purpose, nobody is going to buy this.
The Big Bifford: I beg to differ
~Bifford nods towards a corner where Scruff is eating some of the pages~
Smith: Okay, so the demographic is homeless starving people.
The Big Bifford: You’ve got to start somewhere, Rome was not built in a week.
Smith: The phrase is day, but we’ll let that slide because...the doctor is out here with President Dean!
~The doctor steps forward as Dean’s expression tells us everything we need to know. His head is lowered, shaking back and forth~
Doctor: Mr. Bifford, I’m afraid you failed your physical. You will be unable to compete in the #1 Contenders match at Revenge.
The Big Bifford: What is this physical you speak of?
Doctor: A test, ensuring us all that you won’t die in the middle of the match.
The Big Bifford: I object! I’ve never had to take one of these before!
President Dean: Biff, it’s a new company policy
The Big Bifford: Doesn’t the President have to approve all new policies?
President Dean: Yes
The Big Bifford: Well I certainly didn’t approve of this, so get this filthy excuse for a doctor out of my face, buy a copy of my book and let me win the OCW Title at Revenge!
President Dean: For the last time, you’re not the president, Bifford.
The Big Bifford: Okay, then, I’d like to speak with President Lurrr.
President Dean: Geezus! Doc, thanks for your help
~Bifford stands around, clueless, as the doctor heads off. Dean looks at Biff, Biff looks at Dean. Neither man really knows what to say~
President Dean & Bifford: Dean/Biff
~They pause~
President Dean: Sucka! Just let me talk, okay? You’re out of the match, I’ve already unbooked it...but you can still show up and, I don’t know, try and sell that book of yours.
The Big Bifford: Well, I just rebooked it and I will see you at Revenge.
~Bifford turns away and exits~
Smith: Sooo...is he in the match or not?
President Dean: Seriously? I’m the fucking president around here...he’s out of the match, I don’t care what he says.
Smith: Should make for an interesting development. Well, folks, there you have it...Bifford is out...who is in? Stay tuned.
~We fade to black~
~We cut to the OCW headquarters where The Big Bifford and Smith are standing in a waiting area. Smith appears anxious while Bifford looks through a giant book of some kind~
Smith: Hello everyone, this is Smith live from the OCW Headquarters, bringing you an urgent news development concerning The Big Bifford and OCW Revenge. Bifford just took his physical examination and the results are due back any minute. Bifford, what are your thoughts?
~Bifford stops looking at the book~
The Big Bifford: Well, I’m thinking you and everyone else at home really need to invest twenty dollars into a brand new, hard cover copy of my book, “Biff’s Notes”.
Smith: Biff’s Notes?
The Big Bifford: Yes, Biff’s Notes
Smith: Is it a memoir of sorts, chronicling your illustrious career?
The Big Bifford: No, it’s my version of Cliff’s Notes, only instead of summarizing novels, I’m summarizing cook books.
Smith: Umm, how does that work, exactly?
The Big Bifford: Here, take a look
~Bifford shows the contents of his book to Smith and the camera. It’s basically a bunch of poorly photographed food~
Smith: Bifford, this book is a terrible idea. Cook books are only popular because of the ingrediants and directions contained within, instructing people on how to make neat meals. This completely defeats the purpose, nobody is going to buy this.
The Big Bifford: I beg to differ
~Bifford nods towards a corner where Scruff is eating some of the pages~
Smith: Okay, so the demographic is homeless starving people.
The Big Bifford: You’ve got to start somewhere, Rome was not built in a week.
Smith: The phrase is day, but we’ll let that slide because...the doctor is out here with President Dean!
~The doctor steps forward as Dean’s expression tells us everything we need to know. His head is lowered, shaking back and forth~
Doctor: Mr. Bifford, I’m afraid you failed your physical. You will be unable to compete in the #1 Contenders match at Revenge.
The Big Bifford: What is this physical you speak of?
Doctor: A test, ensuring us all that you won’t die in the middle of the match.
The Big Bifford: I object! I’ve never had to take one of these before!
President Dean: Biff, it’s a new company policy
The Big Bifford: Doesn’t the President have to approve all new policies?
President Dean: Yes
The Big Bifford: Well I certainly didn’t approve of this, so get this filthy excuse for a doctor out of my face, buy a copy of my book and let me win the OCW Title at Revenge!
President Dean: For the last time, you’re not the president, Bifford.
The Big Bifford: Okay, then, I’d like to speak with President Lurrr.
President Dean: Geezus! Doc, thanks for your help
~Bifford stands around, clueless, as the doctor heads off. Dean looks at Biff, Biff looks at Dean. Neither man really knows what to say~
President Dean & Bifford: Dean/Biff
~They pause~
President Dean: Sucka! Just let me talk, okay? You’re out of the match, I’ve already unbooked it...but you can still show up and, I don’t know, try and sell that book of yours.
The Big Bifford: Well, I just rebooked it and I will see you at Revenge.
~Bifford turns away and exits~
Smith: Sooo...is he in the match or not?
President Dean: Seriously? I’m the fucking president around here...he’s out of the match, I don’t care what he says.
Smith: Should make for an interesting development. Well, folks, there you have it...Bifford is out...who is in? Stay tuned.
~We fade to black~
Bob Grenier Revenge News Conference set to take place in 1 Hour.
We've just received word from OCW Headquarters that former Internet Champion, Bob Grenier, is set to hold a news conference in less than an hour to announce his positioning on the Revenge card.
No word has leaked out as of yet as to where he'll be placed on the card.
Several guesses have been thrown around, most notably the #1 Contenders match, however, nothing is confirmed.
Stay tuned as, in less than an hour, we will officially know Bob Grenier's role at Revenge.
No word has leaked out as of yet as to where he'll be placed on the card.
Several guesses have been thrown around, most notably the #1 Contenders match, however, nothing is confirmed.
Stay tuned as, in less than an hour, we will officially know Bob Grenier's role at Revenge.
OCW President Dean's Weekly Press Conference
~Our scene opens up to a press conference located in the press room at OCW headquarters. Several wrestling journalists are on hand, anxiously awaiting the arrival of OCW President Dean. The logo for Revenge is strategically placed behind the podium, advertising 2015’s return event. Silence within a crowded press room is an eerie thing, a fact obviously keeping all the reporters on the edge of their seats. Thankfully, they are immediately relieved of their discomfort as Dean emerges from a side door with Smith leading him towards the podium. Dean stands to the side as Smith addresses the crowd~
Smith: I want to thank all the Pro Wrestling Journalists who took time out of their busy schedules to attend this announcement. After President Dean makes his announcement, he’ll open the floor for a few questions.
~Smith pauses for a moment, allowing what he said to sink in to the attendees~
Smith: Alright then, let’s get to it...I present to all of you, for the first time in 2015...OCW President Dean.
~A light applause sounds out from the group in attendance as Dean steps forward. Smith takes a seat behind a table near the podium. Dean clears his throat, focuses into the camera staring him down and speaks~
President Dean: Alright, suckas, I’m going to get right to the announcement. As you all know, Revenge is right around the corner. Sure, February 28th may seem like the distant future, but rest assured, it will arrive quicker than any of us can anticipate. With that being the case, it’s time to begin unveiling some of the lineup details.
~Dean shuffles a couple of papers before continuing~
President Dean: The ‘Oh Shit’ Contract will decided in OCW’s first ever Sub Zero Match. Basically, what this match entails is a squared room with four impenetrable glass windows embedded within each wall, a twenty foot high ceiling and marbled floors. The portions of the walls that aren’t glass will be comprised of the same marble texture which makes up the floor. Now, you’re probably asking where the ‘Sub Zero’ aspect comes into play. Simple, at the start of the match the temperature inside the room will be at 35 degrees, Fahrenheit. Each minute, the temperature will drop a degree.
~The journalists in attendance begin to stir at the harsh climate conditions Dean has just revealed. Dean waits for them to quiet down before continuing~
President Dean: As of now, two competitors are booked for this event. They are Captain Canada and Ryan ‘Kick’ Smith. We anticipate more to join the fray in the coming days. To win this match, you must eliminate every competitor, emerging as the final wrestler standing. Participants are eliminated via pinfall, submission or opting out of the box, if the temperature is too harsh for them to handle.
~Dean moves a few more papers around~
President Dean: Our second and final announcement concerning Revenge centers on OCW’s former Northeastern Champion, PerZag. It has been decided that PerZag will compete in the inaugural Savage Championship Match at Revenge. Who his opponent will be remains undecided at this time. As soon as an opponent is booked, we will make an announcement.
~Dean stops speaking, looking out at the reporters, signifying he is done with his announcements. Hands fly up amongst the crowd, Dean begins calling on them~
Question 1: Will weapons be permitted inside the Sub Zero Match?
President Dean: Great question...at this time, weapons will not be allowed inside the Sub Zero Match. If, after the first Sub Zero Match, it is determined the inclusion of weapons might make for a more exciting affair, we reserve the right to amend that decision for the future.
Question 2: This ‘Savage’ Championship, can you give us some insight into what that title means and what division, if any, it represents?
President Dean: A full press release concerning all of our titles is set to come out later this week. But, I can go ahead and let you suckas know that the Savage Title is our equivalent to other federation’s Hardcore or Extreme Title. It will be conducted under the most brutal of conditions.
Question 3: Any idea what the first Savage Championship Match rules will be?
President Dean: We have some ideas, but nothing is set in stone. Again, once that is finalized, a press released will be issued.
Question 4: Captain Canada and Ryan ‘Lick’ Smith...
President Dean: Kick
Question 4: Excuse me?
President Dean: It’s Ryan ‘Kick’ Smith, not Lick...for fuck’s sake, man
Question 4: Sorry...Ryan ‘Kick’ Smith and Captain Canada...any details on where they come from and what we can expect?
President Dean: They are like any newcomer to OCW, talented, but vastly unknown. That’s why they are in the ‘Oh Shit’ Match, to prove their worth to OCW.
Question 5: Any idea where Tatum Coe may fall in the Revenge lineup?
President Dean: Not at this time, par for the course, Mr. Coe has been difficult in negotiations. As soon as we come to an agreement both parties are happy with, Coe’s positioning on the card will be released.
Question 6: Why not place PerZag in the World Title Match against Mack O’Connor?
President Dean: That option was discussed. We just all felt PerZag would be better suited as one of the initial flag bearers for our Savage division. I wouldn’t worry too much about PerZag, he will be in the Main Event sooner rather than later...this isn’t indicative of things to come.
Question 7: What about Bifford? The guy beats a fake Mack O’Connor and is rewarded with a number one contender’s match? How does that work?
~Dean shows a hint of agitation at the question, but quickly wipes it away~
President Dean: The Big Bifford’s contributions to OCW are unrivaled by anyone outside of Dean, Lurrr, Syren and Silverfreak. He’s more than earned his fair share of title opportunities. That being said, his placement is subject to change.
Question 7: What’s standing in his way?
President Dean: Like everyone in OCW, he has to pass his physical.
Question 8: What about Bob Grenier? He signed before PerZag, yet has no match announced.
President Dean: A very exciting match-up is being negotiated as we speak featuring Bob Grenier. If we’re able to finalize what we’re working on, I think you’ll all be pleasantly surprised by the results.
Question 9: What about this lawsuit we saw Killface chasing down earlier today? Care to comment on that?
President Dean: Pass
Question 10: Does the potential lawsuit have anything to do with the events post Last Man Standing in August of 2014?
President Dean: Pass
Question 11: Is Lurrr basically being given the Hall of Fame Title a sign of how things are going to work on 2015?
~Dean glares a hole through the last three reporters~
President Dean: Do we have any questions pertinent to Revenge, or are we done here?
Question 12: What about Awe.Some...where does their Revenge status stand?
President Dean: Thank you. Awe.Some was a huge signing for OCW, I have a good feeling they are going to be an integral part of OCW’s 2015 run. That being said, I can’t commit to their positioning on the card just yet. It largely depends on if any other tag teams join between today and January 30th.
Question 13: Is January 30th the deadline for booking Revenge?
President Dean: It is.
Question 14: Back to this lawsuit, I’m hearing it’s more than just rumor and conjecture...I’m hearing it’s very real with serious consequences...care to comment on what you know, as of today?
President Dean: Yea, okay, we’re done here.
~Dean steps away from the podium as several reporters pop to their feet, hurling questions in his direction. Dean exits the press room as we fade out~
Smith: I want to thank all the Pro Wrestling Journalists who took time out of their busy schedules to attend this announcement. After President Dean makes his announcement, he’ll open the floor for a few questions.
~Smith pauses for a moment, allowing what he said to sink in to the attendees~
Smith: Alright then, let’s get to it...I present to all of you, for the first time in 2015...OCW President Dean.
~A light applause sounds out from the group in attendance as Dean steps forward. Smith takes a seat behind a table near the podium. Dean clears his throat, focuses into the camera staring him down and speaks~
President Dean: Alright, suckas, I’m going to get right to the announcement. As you all know, Revenge is right around the corner. Sure, February 28th may seem like the distant future, but rest assured, it will arrive quicker than any of us can anticipate. With that being the case, it’s time to begin unveiling some of the lineup details.
~Dean shuffles a couple of papers before continuing~
President Dean: The ‘Oh Shit’ Contract will decided in OCW’s first ever Sub Zero Match. Basically, what this match entails is a squared room with four impenetrable glass windows embedded within each wall, a twenty foot high ceiling and marbled floors. The portions of the walls that aren’t glass will be comprised of the same marble texture which makes up the floor. Now, you’re probably asking where the ‘Sub Zero’ aspect comes into play. Simple, at the start of the match the temperature inside the room will be at 35 degrees, Fahrenheit. Each minute, the temperature will drop a degree.
~The journalists in attendance begin to stir at the harsh climate conditions Dean has just revealed. Dean waits for them to quiet down before continuing~
President Dean: As of now, two competitors are booked for this event. They are Captain Canada and Ryan ‘Kick’ Smith. We anticipate more to join the fray in the coming days. To win this match, you must eliminate every competitor, emerging as the final wrestler standing. Participants are eliminated via pinfall, submission or opting out of the box, if the temperature is too harsh for them to handle.
~Dean moves a few more papers around~
President Dean: Our second and final announcement concerning Revenge centers on OCW’s former Northeastern Champion, PerZag. It has been decided that PerZag will compete in the inaugural Savage Championship Match at Revenge. Who his opponent will be remains undecided at this time. As soon as an opponent is booked, we will make an announcement.
~Dean stops speaking, looking out at the reporters, signifying he is done with his announcements. Hands fly up amongst the crowd, Dean begins calling on them~
Question 1: Will weapons be permitted inside the Sub Zero Match?
President Dean: Great question...at this time, weapons will not be allowed inside the Sub Zero Match. If, after the first Sub Zero Match, it is determined the inclusion of weapons might make for a more exciting affair, we reserve the right to amend that decision for the future.
Question 2: This ‘Savage’ Championship, can you give us some insight into what that title means and what division, if any, it represents?
President Dean: A full press release concerning all of our titles is set to come out later this week. But, I can go ahead and let you suckas know that the Savage Title is our equivalent to other federation’s Hardcore or Extreme Title. It will be conducted under the most brutal of conditions.
Question 3: Any idea what the first Savage Championship Match rules will be?
President Dean: We have some ideas, but nothing is set in stone. Again, once that is finalized, a press released will be issued.
Question 4: Captain Canada and Ryan ‘Lick’ Smith...
President Dean: Kick
Question 4: Excuse me?
President Dean: It’s Ryan ‘Kick’ Smith, not Lick...for fuck’s sake, man
Question 4: Sorry...Ryan ‘Kick’ Smith and Captain Canada...any details on where they come from and what we can expect?
President Dean: They are like any newcomer to OCW, talented, but vastly unknown. That’s why they are in the ‘Oh Shit’ Match, to prove their worth to OCW.
Question 5: Any idea where Tatum Coe may fall in the Revenge lineup?
President Dean: Not at this time, par for the course, Mr. Coe has been difficult in negotiations. As soon as we come to an agreement both parties are happy with, Coe’s positioning on the card will be released.
Question 6: Why not place PerZag in the World Title Match against Mack O’Connor?
President Dean: That option was discussed. We just all felt PerZag would be better suited as one of the initial flag bearers for our Savage division. I wouldn’t worry too much about PerZag, he will be in the Main Event sooner rather than later...this isn’t indicative of things to come.
Question 7: What about Bifford? The guy beats a fake Mack O’Connor and is rewarded with a number one contender’s match? How does that work?
~Dean shows a hint of agitation at the question, but quickly wipes it away~
President Dean: The Big Bifford’s contributions to OCW are unrivaled by anyone outside of Dean, Lurrr, Syren and Silverfreak. He’s more than earned his fair share of title opportunities. That being said, his placement is subject to change.
Question 7: What’s standing in his way?
President Dean: Like everyone in OCW, he has to pass his physical.
Question 8: What about Bob Grenier? He signed before PerZag, yet has no match announced.
President Dean: A very exciting match-up is being negotiated as we speak featuring Bob Grenier. If we’re able to finalize what we’re working on, I think you’ll all be pleasantly surprised by the results.
Question 9: What about this lawsuit we saw Killface chasing down earlier today? Care to comment on that?
President Dean: Pass
Question 10: Does the potential lawsuit have anything to do with the events post Last Man Standing in August of 2014?
President Dean: Pass
Question 11: Is Lurrr basically being given the Hall of Fame Title a sign of how things are going to work on 2015?
~Dean glares a hole through the last three reporters~
President Dean: Do we have any questions pertinent to Revenge, or are we done here?
Question 12: What about Awe.Some...where does their Revenge status stand?
President Dean: Thank you. Awe.Some was a huge signing for OCW, I have a good feeling they are going to be an integral part of OCW’s 2015 run. That being said, I can’t commit to their positioning on the card just yet. It largely depends on if any other tag teams join between today and January 30th.
Question 13: Is January 30th the deadline for booking Revenge?
President Dean: It is.
Question 14: Back to this lawsuit, I’m hearing it’s more than just rumor and conjecture...I’m hearing it’s very real with serious consequences...care to comment on what you know, as of today?
President Dean: Yea, okay, we’re done here.
~Dean steps away from the podium as several reporters pop to their feet, hurling questions in his direction. Dean exits the press room as we fade out~
Awe.Some Presents Common.Tary
"Hey, what's up guys? Ricky Valdez here!"
"Randy Valdez too!"
"And things are a-poppin'!"
"They sure are Ricky. Should I break the news to the world, or should you?"
"Nah man I got this."
"Good because I got this."
Randy reaches for a slice of pizza. Ricky and Randy are both sitting on the couch in their living room apartment. It's generally pretty tidy, except for the coffee table which has been taken over by a few pizza boxes and empty cans of Coca-Cola. There's also a laptop on the table facing the Valdez brothers. Randy goes back to chewing on his pizza.
"Sounds good. Okay so first order of business. Welcome to Common.Tary with Awe.Some, which is easily the most entertaining and grammatically incorrectly webcast around!"
"Randy Valdez too!"
"And things are a-poppin'!"
"They sure are Ricky. Should I break the news to the world, or should you?"
"Nah man I got this."
"Good because I got this."
Randy reaches for a slice of pizza. Ricky and Randy are both sitting on the couch in their living room apartment. It's generally pretty tidy, except for the coffee table which has been taken over by a few pizza boxes and empty cans of Coca-Cola. There's also a laptop on the table facing the Valdez brothers. Randy goes back to chewing on his pizza.
"Sounds good. Okay so first order of business. Welcome to Common.Tary with Awe.Some, which is easily the most entertaining and grammatically incorrectly webcast around!"
"It's also not excluseive to our new home. I'm Ricky Valdez as I just said no less than five seconds ago. That's my older brother Randy. And we're here to party! Let's get some background music (click me) going on!"
Randy just nods and chews
"This is practically royalty free music at this point, Randy! Come on. Hands in the air! Like you just don't care!"
Ricky and Randy are swaying side to side with hands in the air. Randy still chewing on pizza.
"And although you can't see her at the moment, our sister Rachel edits and produces this show for all you guys to enjoy! She'll jump in from time to time, but it'll largely just be when we need to jump to another segment or if we mess up and need a second take. It'll be pretty obvious when that happens as your computer will temporarily buffer whilst we scramble. Ideally that shouldn't happen too often. We are however still trying to learn the ins and outs of what we can say on OCW's website so we're just apologizing now if we totally fuck up-"
Randy just nods and chews
"This is practically royalty free music at this point, Randy! Come on. Hands in the air! Like you just don't care!"
Ricky and Randy are swaying side to side with hands in the air. Randy still chewing on pizza.
"And although you can't see her at the moment, our sister Rachel edits and produces this show for all you guys to enjoy! She'll jump in from time to time, but it'll largely just be when we need to jump to another segment or if we mess up and need a second take. It'll be pretty obvious when that happens as your computer will temporarily buffer whilst we scramble. Ideally that shouldn't happen too often. We are however still trying to learn the ins and outs of what we can say on OCW's website so we're just apologizing now if we totally fuck up-"
"Okay, so I was told we probably shouldn't push our language until we get some kind of memo from the boss man."
"Alright, so as was alluded to before I broke away from the script because pizza > news, Awe.Some is stepping back into the ring! We have admittedly struggled to find some work as of late, but some of that isn't helped by the fact that no wrestling promotion out there seems to want to establish itself as something truly different. We had a brief period in which we were up north for a bit and while that promotion folded faster than Quebec's efforts for secession, I did get this sweet Maple Syrup Championship Belt out of the deal!"
Randy reaches behind the soda, then pulls out a pretty generic title. The belt most notably features a large gold-plated maple syrup bottle. Randy leans back, proud of himself.
"No lie. That is a pretty awesome belt. But we were about to give up our efforts in searching for a new home when Rachel brought OCW to our attention."
"Outlaw Championship Wrestling?"
"Wrestlers from Texas? Who in hell would think that's an original idea?"
"..."
Ricky and Randy both look at the camera.
"Alright, so as was alluded to before I broke away from the script because pizza > news, Awe.Some is stepping back into the ring! We have admittedly struggled to find some work as of late, but some of that isn't helped by the fact that no wrestling promotion out there seems to want to establish itself as something truly different. We had a brief period in which we were up north for a bit and while that promotion folded faster than Quebec's efforts for secession, I did get this sweet Maple Syrup Championship Belt out of the deal!"
Randy reaches behind the soda, then pulls out a pretty generic title. The belt most notably features a large gold-plated maple syrup bottle. Randy leans back, proud of himself.
"No lie. That is a pretty awesome belt. But we were about to give up our efforts in searching for a new home when Rachel brought OCW to our attention."
"Outlaw Championship Wrestling?"
"Wrestlers from Texas? Who in hell would think that's an original idea?"
"..."
Ricky and Randy both look at the camera.
"No, we recently inked deals with the other OCW: Online Championship Wrestling. Of course if you're watching this, then you're aware of that."
"Nice pitch, Ricky."
"Hold on now! I have a problem here though. Look at this picture they put up on OCW's homepage:"
"Nice pitch, Ricky."
"Hold on now! I have a problem here though. Look at this picture they put up on OCW's homepage:"
"What is THAT about?!"
"Seems fine to me."
"No. Why do you look like you're fresh off a pirate ship after sailing through the Caribbean seas, probably spending weeks making love to beautiful women, while I look like I'm about to hit the drive-thru because I was too lazy to find an actual proper shirt?"
"Hey man, I just provide Rachel with some sample photos she asked for. Whichever one she submits after that is out of my hands. Besides, you really should take better care of yourself."
Randy wipes pizza crumbs from his hands, then reaches for a Dos Equis beer on the table. He opens it, rather loudly, and begins to drink.
"Really?"
Sigh.
"Okay so one of the fun things about OCW is the idea of the wrestlers submitting matches. We know it was one of the main selling points to get us here."
"There's no denying that. Imagining the possibilities we could come up with!"
"Well, thanks to modern technology, we don't have to imagine so much as we can now tell you some ideas we have."
Ricky and Randy both pull out a piece of paper from their pockets. Respectively of course. The sound of paper being unfolded fills the room for a second or two. Words words words.
"So probably one of the better ideas I could come up with in time for this is what I call a Treasure Match. It'll take place on a beach or beach setting."
"Ooooh."
"So the wrestlers all start the match in the ring. The match goes on for a pre-determined period of time. Let's say 10 minutes. For that time, no wrestler can leave the ring. If they are thrown out, they must immediately get back into the ring. Once that ten minutes is up, then wrestlers are free to leave the ring."
"Why on Earth would they want to do that, Ricky?"
"Glad you asked, Randy! You see, across the ringside beach setting they'll be countless tressure chests scattered to and fro. There could be as few as two. There could be as many as ten! Nearly all the chests are empty, but one of the chests will contain whatever belt is on the line. The goal is to find the chest with the belt and then return the belt to the ring. The first person back in the ring with the belt wins the match"
"Hey that works perfectly with my sexy pirate look!"
"Ya know I didn't even consider that..."
"Here's one idea I had! A Merchandise Match. This would work much in the way of a ladder match, only instead of one hook hanging above the ring, it could be two. Each hook has some merchandise item of one of the wrestlers or teams involved."
"Shirts?"
"Hats!"
"Koozies!"
"So in order to win the match, you have the scale the ladder and pull down the item that you are associated with. So if it's Awe.Some versus Jo Shmo, then we'd have to retrieve the Awe.Some shirts. Here's the catch though: the loser of the match has to be seen with the winner's merchandise for the next month. They cannot do anything degrading to the products. They must shamefully wear the merchandise of the victors for an entire month. It could also work as a stand alone stipulation for any match if people aren't down for the ladder stuff."
"Hot damn! Let's hope we don't lose to any women who have their own line of panties. That might be a bit rough."
"Seems fine to me."
"No. Why do you look like you're fresh off a pirate ship after sailing through the Caribbean seas, probably spending weeks making love to beautiful women, while I look like I'm about to hit the drive-thru because I was too lazy to find an actual proper shirt?"
"Hey man, I just provide Rachel with some sample photos she asked for. Whichever one she submits after that is out of my hands. Besides, you really should take better care of yourself."
Randy wipes pizza crumbs from his hands, then reaches for a Dos Equis beer on the table. He opens it, rather loudly, and begins to drink.
"Really?"
Sigh.
"Okay so one of the fun things about OCW is the idea of the wrestlers submitting matches. We know it was one of the main selling points to get us here."
"There's no denying that. Imagining the possibilities we could come up with!"
"Well, thanks to modern technology, we don't have to imagine so much as we can now tell you some ideas we have."
Ricky and Randy both pull out a piece of paper from their pockets. Respectively of course. The sound of paper being unfolded fills the room for a second or two. Words words words.
"So probably one of the better ideas I could come up with in time for this is what I call a Treasure Match. It'll take place on a beach or beach setting."
"Ooooh."
"So the wrestlers all start the match in the ring. The match goes on for a pre-determined period of time. Let's say 10 minutes. For that time, no wrestler can leave the ring. If they are thrown out, they must immediately get back into the ring. Once that ten minutes is up, then wrestlers are free to leave the ring."
"Why on Earth would they want to do that, Ricky?"
"Glad you asked, Randy! You see, across the ringside beach setting they'll be countless tressure chests scattered to and fro. There could be as few as two. There could be as many as ten! Nearly all the chests are empty, but one of the chests will contain whatever belt is on the line. The goal is to find the chest with the belt and then return the belt to the ring. The first person back in the ring with the belt wins the match"
"Hey that works perfectly with my sexy pirate look!"
"Ya know I didn't even consider that..."
"Here's one idea I had! A Merchandise Match. This would work much in the way of a ladder match, only instead of one hook hanging above the ring, it could be two. Each hook has some merchandise item of one of the wrestlers or teams involved."
"Shirts?"
"Hats!"
"Koozies!"
"So in order to win the match, you have the scale the ladder and pull down the item that you are associated with. So if it's Awe.Some versus Jo Shmo, then we'd have to retrieve the Awe.Some shirts. Here's the catch though: the loser of the match has to be seen with the winner's merchandise for the next month. They cannot do anything degrading to the products. They must shamefully wear the merchandise of the victors for an entire month. It could also work as a stand alone stipulation for any match if people aren't down for the ladder stuff."
"Hot damn! Let's hope we don't lose to any women who have their own line of panties. That might be a bit rough."
"Alright folks! It's time for one of our more entertaining segments. Product Fedding or P-Fedding for short."
"For those of you who are not familiar with Common.Tary, this is one of the fun little games Ricky and I like to play."
"Here's how it works. In front of each of us, there's a card with a product on it. We read our card to see which product we have, then have them battle it out for dollar supremacy. Dude you should put your Maple Syrup Championship on the line."
"You mean my prestigious singles title that I risked life and limb for? Sure why not."
"Rachel, take it away."
Ricky and Randy pick up the cards placed before them and silently read what's written on them. We cut to-
"Hi! I'm Rachel Valdez and it's time to P-Fed! Today's match-up is..."
BACONATOR -VERSUS- SON OF BACONATOR
(Ricky) (Randy)
Back to Awe.Some.
"It's time for you to step aside old man. Your time has come and long since gone the way of Dave Thomas. This is my time, the Son of Baconator's time to shine. The bacon game has changed. While you do offer an overwhelming amount of beef, you've lost touched with what has made our family great – the bacon. I'm revolutionizing the way bacon is ingested, by making sure you don't feel like a tub of lard by the time you're done with your meal. I actually make sure you have room to enjoy the other things, such as the fries or the Frosty. You? You're just taking up space like the old boring fart you are."
"Watch your mouth, boy. I brought you into this world and I can take you out easier than tossing you into the first trash bin before pulling into traffic. You're hardly revolutionizing anything, squirt. When I came onto the scene years ago, there were news stories wondering if the human heart can handle what I have to offer. I'm one of the baddest bastards in this business. My name has quickly ascended pass the Big Mac and is being hailed as a legit challenger to the Whopper. The fact is that I'm the real deal around here."
"You just admitted that you're known for all the wrong reasons. You make people feel sick just by looking at you. Your price doesn't help either. Why should I have to pay damn near six dollars for just the sandwich? If I want the meal, we're talking close to ten bucks! For that price, I may as well head to the best steakhouse in town. At least they won't skimp on the bacon."
"That's all you got? The bacon? Son, I've been doing this long enough to tell you that the bacon ain't shit. The bacon don't rule me and I damn sure won't let the bacon tell me to take a backseat. At the end of the day, I'm a burger first and foremost; not some BLT from Subway made by some vegetarian liberal arts major."
"You're so blinded by your own arrogance that you can't even see your downfall coming. You act like you're on top of the menu, when in reality you're just #4."
"That's still ahead of you, boy. You think people honestly look at the first three items on the menu? They come for the one, the only, the Baconator. I might be double the age of you, but I'm double the beef. Get out of here with your talk of side items. Nobody eats that shit. I'm still the main attraction around here. You? You'll be lucky if you aren't on the value menu this time next year."
DING DING DING!
"Here is your winner... BACONATOR!"
Ricky fist pumps the air while Randy throws his card on the floor. Randy hands the Maple Syrup Championship to Ricky, who then puts it on his shoulder.
"Alright folks, that's gonna do it for now."
"Our shows probably won't be this long in the future, but we had to get the formalities out of the way. We'll do one of these every so often. We don't promise an exact schedule because, well, we got video games to play. So we just do these whenever we feel compelled too. Plus that gives us an out in case we never do another episode again."
"So that's it for our first OCW edition of Common.Tary, the show so grammatically incorrect it makes grammar nazis scream. We've been told we're going to compete at Revenge next month, but we have no idea how we'll be involved. We'll have to wait and see, but we should know something soon enough."
"Want to be a guest on the show? Hit up Rachel @awesomerachelv"
"See ya!"
"For those of you who are not familiar with Common.Tary, this is one of the fun little games Ricky and I like to play."
"Here's how it works. In front of each of us, there's a card with a product on it. We read our card to see which product we have, then have them battle it out for dollar supremacy. Dude you should put your Maple Syrup Championship on the line."
"You mean my prestigious singles title that I risked life and limb for? Sure why not."
"Rachel, take it away."
Ricky and Randy pick up the cards placed before them and silently read what's written on them. We cut to-
"Hi! I'm Rachel Valdez and it's time to P-Fed! Today's match-up is..."
BACONATOR -VERSUS- SON OF BACONATOR
(Ricky) (Randy)
Back to Awe.Some.
"It's time for you to step aside old man. Your time has come and long since gone the way of Dave Thomas. This is my time, the Son of Baconator's time to shine. The bacon game has changed. While you do offer an overwhelming amount of beef, you've lost touched with what has made our family great – the bacon. I'm revolutionizing the way bacon is ingested, by making sure you don't feel like a tub of lard by the time you're done with your meal. I actually make sure you have room to enjoy the other things, such as the fries or the Frosty. You? You're just taking up space like the old boring fart you are."
"Watch your mouth, boy. I brought you into this world and I can take you out easier than tossing you into the first trash bin before pulling into traffic. You're hardly revolutionizing anything, squirt. When I came onto the scene years ago, there were news stories wondering if the human heart can handle what I have to offer. I'm one of the baddest bastards in this business. My name has quickly ascended pass the Big Mac and is being hailed as a legit challenger to the Whopper. The fact is that I'm the real deal around here."
"You just admitted that you're known for all the wrong reasons. You make people feel sick just by looking at you. Your price doesn't help either. Why should I have to pay damn near six dollars for just the sandwich? If I want the meal, we're talking close to ten bucks! For that price, I may as well head to the best steakhouse in town. At least they won't skimp on the bacon."
"That's all you got? The bacon? Son, I've been doing this long enough to tell you that the bacon ain't shit. The bacon don't rule me and I damn sure won't let the bacon tell me to take a backseat. At the end of the day, I'm a burger first and foremost; not some BLT from Subway made by some vegetarian liberal arts major."
"You're so blinded by your own arrogance that you can't even see your downfall coming. You act like you're on top of the menu, when in reality you're just #4."
"That's still ahead of you, boy. You think people honestly look at the first three items on the menu? They come for the one, the only, the Baconator. I might be double the age of you, but I'm double the beef. Get out of here with your talk of side items. Nobody eats that shit. I'm still the main attraction around here. You? You'll be lucky if you aren't on the value menu this time next year."
DING DING DING!
"Here is your winner... BACONATOR!"
Ricky fist pumps the air while Randy throws his card on the floor. Randy hands the Maple Syrup Championship to Ricky, who then puts it on his shoulder.
"Alright folks, that's gonna do it for now."
"Our shows probably won't be this long in the future, but we had to get the formalities out of the way. We'll do one of these every so often. We don't promise an exact schedule because, well, we got video games to play. So we just do these whenever we feel compelled too. Plus that gives us an out in case we never do another episode again."
"So that's it for our first OCW edition of Common.Tary, the show so grammatically incorrect it makes grammar nazis scream. We've been told we're going to compete at Revenge next month, but we have no idea how we'll be involved. We'll have to wait and see, but we should know something soon enough."
"Want to be a guest on the show? Hit up Rachel @awesomerachelv"
"See ya!"
PerZag Likes Soup and is Broke
The scene expands and pans around a large brick building with evenly placed windows side by side at the front of the building. The footage moves inside the building into a white room filled with long silver tables. Men and women in scruffy looking clothes are seated around all the tables, sipping or sculling soup placed in different coloured plastic bowls. OCW's backstage talent, Richard moves into view of the camera, and taps a man's shoulder who is sitting at one of the tables. The man turns around, taking off a red hood he was wearing, showing his long blonde hair. He stares at Richard until Richard speaks.
"How are you going, PerZag?"
PerZag turns around on his seat, and grabs a blue plastic bowl in front of him. He picks it up and drains the rest of the soup that was in the bowl. He places the bowl back down on the table, and turns around, staring straight at Richard.
"How am I going? How do you think I am going? Does it look like I am going well? I am at a soup kitchen because I am poor, and I hardly have any money. My entire family is dead, and I have no job, and no where to live, but on the streets. My last career in OCW was successful, but the money was average at best. It was enough at the time, but after it closed I had absolutely no money to keep me afloat. I got a job at Championship Wrestling Revolution as a backstage talent, and when I was about to wrestle my first match, I got myself injured in some dumb accident. I was able to get back in shape, and joined Imperial Wrestling Federation, and won my first match, but then I re-injured the knee that I injured in that accident, and was sidelined again. I quit from IWF because of the mediocre pay, and my injury, and I did not have a job anymore. I had nothing. In the end, I got kicked out of my apartment because I couldn't make rent, and got booted out onto the street. I have been unable to find a job since, and have had to stay on the streets. So, how do you think I am gong?"
Richard shoots a look at all the other eyes that are staring in their direction. He looks back at PerZag, and takes a deep breath.
"I am sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
PerZag stares at him with anger in his eyes, but it instantly subsides. PerZag smiles.
"Its all good man. I am just having fun with you. We used to be mates, and being without a home hasn't been too bad. Got to see a different side of life, and with the new offer I am getting for Online Championship Wrestling, I am going to be back on my feet in no time. I have a decent pay-check coming in."
Richard lets out a sigh of relief, and starts talking.
"That's good to here. I did have one question for you if that's ok."
PerZag nods his head, "Yeah, that's fine with me."
"Why did you resign with OCW? Why not join another promotion? Why not join somewhere else where you can make a name for yourself weekly? Why not join a current promotion that is already at the top of the mountain? That is up there and drawing in hundreds of thousands of dollars weekly. Why not join one of those?"
PerZag thinks to himself for a bit.
"Well, why did you resign with OCW, Richard? Why did you sign a new deal here?"
Richard shakes his head for a second, and answers.
"Because OCW is my home."
PerZag smiles.
"Exactly. OCW is the promotion that built me up. That made me who I am today. I am a former North Eastern champion, and a former Internet champion. I have done well in the three or four months I had in this company. I had a good run, and found lots of acquaintances that I still keep in contact with today. I visit them when I can, when I am not too busy looking for somewhere to sleep. It is a great place to be, and that is why I am returning. It is my home. The place that made me feel alive. I have achieved heaps in a small career. I won the 2014 Newcomer of the Year, and proved to all that I can adapt quickly. I am here for two things, first it is to make The Hall Of Fame, and secondly it is to put on a show for all those fans out there today. We all do this for them. We all put on a show for them, no matter what we say in the ring or backstage. We are here to make one of their nights in their lives a joy, and that is one thing that makes me feel good when I do this. OCW is the place to be, and I could never replace this place with any other promotion."
PerZag turns around as a door opens up, and a trolley full of more soup comes into the room from a silver door that leads to the kitchen. PerZag turns back to Richard.
"How about this for my luck? I actually get to have seconds for once, this hardly ever happens. Now, get out of here."
Richard quickly gets up, and walks away from PerZag, as PerZag watches him go.
"Man. In one year that guy has been a jobber, and then a drug user, and now a backstage talent. Man, Bob Grenier has gone and fucked him up. Oh yeah..."
PerZag looks into the camera.
"Hey, Bob. How have you been? Long time, no see. You got anymore pot that I can get off of you, I don't like Bishop's cocaine. Hate that stuff. Ok, then...Bye."
"How are you going, PerZag?"
PerZag turns around on his seat, and grabs a blue plastic bowl in front of him. He picks it up and drains the rest of the soup that was in the bowl. He places the bowl back down on the table, and turns around, staring straight at Richard.
"How am I going? How do you think I am going? Does it look like I am going well? I am at a soup kitchen because I am poor, and I hardly have any money. My entire family is dead, and I have no job, and no where to live, but on the streets. My last career in OCW was successful, but the money was average at best. It was enough at the time, but after it closed I had absolutely no money to keep me afloat. I got a job at Championship Wrestling Revolution as a backstage talent, and when I was about to wrestle my first match, I got myself injured in some dumb accident. I was able to get back in shape, and joined Imperial Wrestling Federation, and won my first match, but then I re-injured the knee that I injured in that accident, and was sidelined again. I quit from IWF because of the mediocre pay, and my injury, and I did not have a job anymore. I had nothing. In the end, I got kicked out of my apartment because I couldn't make rent, and got booted out onto the street. I have been unable to find a job since, and have had to stay on the streets. So, how do you think I am gong?"
Richard shoots a look at all the other eyes that are staring in their direction. He looks back at PerZag, and takes a deep breath.
"I am sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
PerZag stares at him with anger in his eyes, but it instantly subsides. PerZag smiles.
"Its all good man. I am just having fun with you. We used to be mates, and being without a home hasn't been too bad. Got to see a different side of life, and with the new offer I am getting for Online Championship Wrestling, I am going to be back on my feet in no time. I have a decent pay-check coming in."
Richard lets out a sigh of relief, and starts talking.
"That's good to here. I did have one question for you if that's ok."
PerZag nods his head, "Yeah, that's fine with me."
"Why did you resign with OCW? Why not join another promotion? Why not join somewhere else where you can make a name for yourself weekly? Why not join a current promotion that is already at the top of the mountain? That is up there and drawing in hundreds of thousands of dollars weekly. Why not join one of those?"
PerZag thinks to himself for a bit.
"Well, why did you resign with OCW, Richard? Why did you sign a new deal here?"
Richard shakes his head for a second, and answers.
"Because OCW is my home."
PerZag smiles.
"Exactly. OCW is the promotion that built me up. That made me who I am today. I am a former North Eastern champion, and a former Internet champion. I have done well in the three or four months I had in this company. I had a good run, and found lots of acquaintances that I still keep in contact with today. I visit them when I can, when I am not too busy looking for somewhere to sleep. It is a great place to be, and that is why I am returning. It is my home. The place that made me feel alive. I have achieved heaps in a small career. I won the 2014 Newcomer of the Year, and proved to all that I can adapt quickly. I am here for two things, first it is to make The Hall Of Fame, and secondly it is to put on a show for all those fans out there today. We all do this for them. We all put on a show for them, no matter what we say in the ring or backstage. We are here to make one of their nights in their lives a joy, and that is one thing that makes me feel good when I do this. OCW is the place to be, and I could never replace this place with any other promotion."
PerZag turns around as a door opens up, and a trolley full of more soup comes into the room from a silver door that leads to the kitchen. PerZag turns back to Richard.
"How about this for my luck? I actually get to have seconds for once, this hardly ever happens. Now, get out of here."
Richard quickly gets up, and walks away from PerZag, as PerZag watches him go.
"Man. In one year that guy has been a jobber, and then a drug user, and now a backstage talent. Man, Bob Grenier has gone and fucked him up. Oh yeah..."
PerZag looks into the camera.
"Hey, Bob. How have you been? Long time, no see. You got anymore pot that I can get off of you, I don't like Bishop's cocaine. Hate that stuff. Ok, then...Bye."
Sit Down Interview with Tatum Coe
~We open up with a shot of the returning announcer/interviewer/patriot, Jones, making his way through the backyard of a lavish estate. Extremely well manicured shrubbery, an exotic pool that would make Hugh Hefner blush and several rare breeds of fowl are strategically placed turning a normal backyard into some kind of Garden of Eden. Jones, carefully placing each foot, fearful he may disrupt the perfectly pieced together plushness, finally lays eyes on an overly handsome, fit and filthy rich Caucasian man. He is seated in a lounge chair, sipping on a Gin and Tonic while reading Forbes Magazine. Jones lets out a sigh of relief, happy to see that he had made it to his desired destination without screwing anything up. Stepping onto the rocky surface around the pool area, Jones shoes click, snaring the gentleman's attention. With a several hundred dollar pair of shades covering his eyes, he looks over the top of his magazine, lowering the top of his shades just enough for his entrancing eyes to lock onto Jones. Jones stops for a moment, noticing he's caught the handsome stranger's attention~
Jones; *clears throat* Mr. Coe, it's me, Jones, from OCW. I'm here for the interview...
~Tatum Coe nods, slapping his magazine shut and snapping his right hand. A servant comes from out of one of the bushes, quickly placing a far less comfortable chair near Tatum. He slaps a towel on it a few times, making sure nothing wet or dirty soils Jones clothing before motioning for the OCW employee to take a seat. He carefully does, a few feet from Tatum.~
Tatum Coe: Would you like anything to drink?
~Tatum asks while taking a sophisticated sip of his beverage~
Jones: Umm, water?
~Coe smirks and nods at his servant who rushes inside. Tatum places his shades atop his thick head of black, styled hair before kicking his legs over the side of his chair, leaning forward~
Tatum Coe: Well, you're here, I'm here...shall we get started?
~Jones flashes a nervous style, feeling flushed for some reason~
Jones: Sure, sounds good to me.
~He shuffles a couple of papers around before firing away~
Jones: I guess we can start with the most obvious question, after over a decade long absence from OCW, why return and, most importantly of all, why now?
~Tatum smirks and takes another sip of his beverage before answering~
Tatum Coe: Look around you, Jones, as you can see, I'm a man with a tremendous appetite. I refuse to settle for anything less than perfection. While my legacy in OCW is far from embarrassing, it certainly is lacking. Sure, I'm the first ever LightWeight Champion and, yea, I am a two time runner up in the Last Man Standing tournament, but it has always ate me up inside...the fact that my resume is overflowing with 'almost theres' and 'not quites'...it's something I've wanted to rectify for a very long time.
Jones: Understandable, so, why now?
Tatum Coe: The format, Jones. I've always been a private man, when I retired from Professional Wrestling, I didn't run around giving everyone an explanation. I simply took the money I had earned and went into business for myself in a different career. As you can see, I've been highly successful. However, not to get too off tangent here...the reason for my retirement was injuries. My back, knees and right shoulder were all torn up. You see, when OCW first opened, Dean had to lean on a handful of talents to carry us through the dark times. Those talents included myself, Clubbin Man, Lurrr, Tah Murdah, D Double D, Brian Velocity, Kylo, Liljungleman, Slim Shady and Johnny Hunter. By the time guys like Scott Syren, Silverfreak and Scorpion signed on to compete in OCW, I was already worn down.
Jones: Makes sense, sadly, I wasn't around during those early days.
Tatum Coe: you certainly weren't, Smith and Hood did all the commentating back then. But, back to my original point, Dean ran us into the ground and, well, being the LightWeight champion, I was forced to perform in some extremely dangerous, high incident matches. A recipe for disaster, health wise.
Jones: So, the injuries are gone, I take it?
Tatum Coe: Eh, I'm not in the shape I was when I first joined OCW, but enough time has elapsed for the most painful parts of my body to heal up. I'm certainly healthy enough to wrestle once a month, that's a schedule my body can work through.
Jones: Ah, okay, so if it were a weekly schedule, you wouldn't be returning...safe to say?
Tatum Coe: Safer than a condom, Jones. I will never work a weekly schedule ever again.
Jones: Well, now that you're back, what are your goals?
Tatum Coe: I have two main goals, the OCW Title and the Hall of Fame. If I can achieve both of those, then I will feel content about my career and happily retire.
Jones: Have you had any discourse with Dean in regards to your positioning on the Revenge card?
Tatum Coe: A little, he knows what my goals are. I also understand I've been a ghost for over a decade. To think he'd thrust me right into the main event is a fairy tale, it isn't going to happen. The Paradigm Championship, however, that seems perfectly reasonable.
Jones: Are you hinting that's what you'll be wrestling for at Revenge?
Tatum Coe: Nothing is set in stone, Jones. As Dean said, we need to see who all is in by the end of the month. However, I certainly picked up on the fact he found intrigue in my competing for the Paradigm Title. After all, it's a division which promotes athleticism, technique...you know, sophistication and class. Far more desirable than that wretched Savage Championship.
Jones; Well, everyone has their favorite, I suppose.
Tatum Coe: You're starting to annoy me.
Jones: Sorry, just an observation.
Tatum Coe: Right.
~Tatum looks Jones up and down in condescending fashion~
Jones: I guess my next question would be...are you in shape to compete by the end of February?
~Tatum stands up, removing his unbuttoned, high dollar designer shirt. His upper torso is as chiseled as ever~
Tatum Coe: What do you think?
~Jones just stares at Tatum for some weird reason. Tatum doesn't seem to mind, he's the kind of guy who's used to lingering stares, it comes with the territory when you look the way he does. His phone goes off, playing some familiar tone Jones can't place. Tatum answers it and quickly places the caller on pause~
Tatum Coe: Interview is over, I've got to take this. I assume you can show yourself out?
~Jones, caught off guard by Tatum's rude abruptness nods shakily while gathering his items and stumbling to his feet. He exits, without having received his water as our scene comes to an end~
Jones; *clears throat* Mr. Coe, it's me, Jones, from OCW. I'm here for the interview...
~Tatum Coe nods, slapping his magazine shut and snapping his right hand. A servant comes from out of one of the bushes, quickly placing a far less comfortable chair near Tatum. He slaps a towel on it a few times, making sure nothing wet or dirty soils Jones clothing before motioning for the OCW employee to take a seat. He carefully does, a few feet from Tatum.~
Tatum Coe: Would you like anything to drink?
~Tatum asks while taking a sophisticated sip of his beverage~
Jones: Umm, water?
~Coe smirks and nods at his servant who rushes inside. Tatum places his shades atop his thick head of black, styled hair before kicking his legs over the side of his chair, leaning forward~
Tatum Coe: Well, you're here, I'm here...shall we get started?
~Jones flashes a nervous style, feeling flushed for some reason~
Jones: Sure, sounds good to me.
~He shuffles a couple of papers around before firing away~
Jones: I guess we can start with the most obvious question, after over a decade long absence from OCW, why return and, most importantly of all, why now?
~Tatum smirks and takes another sip of his beverage before answering~
Tatum Coe: Look around you, Jones, as you can see, I'm a man with a tremendous appetite. I refuse to settle for anything less than perfection. While my legacy in OCW is far from embarrassing, it certainly is lacking. Sure, I'm the first ever LightWeight Champion and, yea, I am a two time runner up in the Last Man Standing tournament, but it has always ate me up inside...the fact that my resume is overflowing with 'almost theres' and 'not quites'...it's something I've wanted to rectify for a very long time.
Jones: Understandable, so, why now?
Tatum Coe: The format, Jones. I've always been a private man, when I retired from Professional Wrestling, I didn't run around giving everyone an explanation. I simply took the money I had earned and went into business for myself in a different career. As you can see, I've been highly successful. However, not to get too off tangent here...the reason for my retirement was injuries. My back, knees and right shoulder were all torn up. You see, when OCW first opened, Dean had to lean on a handful of talents to carry us through the dark times. Those talents included myself, Clubbin Man, Lurrr, Tah Murdah, D Double D, Brian Velocity, Kylo, Liljungleman, Slim Shady and Johnny Hunter. By the time guys like Scott Syren, Silverfreak and Scorpion signed on to compete in OCW, I was already worn down.
Jones: Makes sense, sadly, I wasn't around during those early days.
Tatum Coe: you certainly weren't, Smith and Hood did all the commentating back then. But, back to my original point, Dean ran us into the ground and, well, being the LightWeight champion, I was forced to perform in some extremely dangerous, high incident matches. A recipe for disaster, health wise.
Jones: So, the injuries are gone, I take it?
Tatum Coe: Eh, I'm not in the shape I was when I first joined OCW, but enough time has elapsed for the most painful parts of my body to heal up. I'm certainly healthy enough to wrestle once a month, that's a schedule my body can work through.
Jones: Ah, okay, so if it were a weekly schedule, you wouldn't be returning...safe to say?
Tatum Coe: Safer than a condom, Jones. I will never work a weekly schedule ever again.
Jones: Well, now that you're back, what are your goals?
Tatum Coe: I have two main goals, the OCW Title and the Hall of Fame. If I can achieve both of those, then I will feel content about my career and happily retire.
Jones: Have you had any discourse with Dean in regards to your positioning on the Revenge card?
Tatum Coe: A little, he knows what my goals are. I also understand I've been a ghost for over a decade. To think he'd thrust me right into the main event is a fairy tale, it isn't going to happen. The Paradigm Championship, however, that seems perfectly reasonable.
Jones: Are you hinting that's what you'll be wrestling for at Revenge?
Tatum Coe: Nothing is set in stone, Jones. As Dean said, we need to see who all is in by the end of the month. However, I certainly picked up on the fact he found intrigue in my competing for the Paradigm Title. After all, it's a division which promotes athleticism, technique...you know, sophistication and class. Far more desirable than that wretched Savage Championship.
Jones; Well, everyone has their favorite, I suppose.
Tatum Coe: You're starting to annoy me.
Jones: Sorry, just an observation.
Tatum Coe: Right.
~Tatum looks Jones up and down in condescending fashion~
Jones: I guess my next question would be...are you in shape to compete by the end of February?
~Tatum stands up, removing his unbuttoned, high dollar designer shirt. His upper torso is as chiseled as ever~
Tatum Coe: What do you think?
~Jones just stares at Tatum for some weird reason. Tatum doesn't seem to mind, he's the kind of guy who's used to lingering stares, it comes with the territory when you look the way he does. His phone goes off, playing some familiar tone Jones can't place. Tatum answers it and quickly places the caller on pause~
Tatum Coe: Interview is over, I've got to take this. I assume you can show yourself out?
~Jones, caught off guard by Tatum's rude abruptness nods shakily while gathering his items and stumbling to his feet. He exits, without having received his water as our scene comes to an end~
Treat Cassidy Reportedly Ironing out Deals for Two Former OCW Wrestlers Returns.
Two former clients brought to OCW by Treat Cassidy himself are rumored to be negotiating through Cassidy with President Dean on their contract signings with OCW.
-Caution, the 57 year old construction king pin wants to return but says "Fuck Dean if he thinks I am working weekends, and I can't take time away from the site." You gotta give the old bastard credit where it's due, he surely speaks his mind and wants his contract to be just so before he inks his name to it.
-Legion, and his band of misfits known as the Black Crusade, a former Internet champion is looking to come back into action, but his schedules are currently causing problems, before he opts out of his current IWC contract, he wants a sit down with President Dean and wants full creative control over himself and his faction. Not sure how Dean will react, he isn't one to deal with egos or ultimatums.
More on these stories as they unfold.
-Caution, the 57 year old construction king pin wants to return but says "Fuck Dean if he thinks I am working weekends, and I can't take time away from the site." You gotta give the old bastard credit where it's due, he surely speaks his mind and wants his contract to be just so before he inks his name to it.
-Legion, and his band of misfits known as the Black Crusade, a former Internet champion is looking to come back into action, but his schedules are currently causing problems, before he opts out of his current IWC contract, he wants a sit down with President Dean and wants full creative control over himself and his faction. Not sure how Dean will react, he isn't one to deal with egos or ultimatums.
More on these stories as they unfold.
Alice Knight Returning to OCW?
JAN, 17th 2015
Dear readers. Good news. This is Alice Knight! And I’m currently starting up my own wrestling organization. It doesn’t have a name. It doesn’t have a ring. It really doesn’t have a permanent address. But this is a real thing with an extremely exclusive membership. How exclusive you ask? We presently only have 3 members. Myself and my two aspiring wrestlers. My homeless friend Two Can Zed… and HIS friend, Ferguson. (Ferguson only remains in the organization because it was a two against one vote. Help me change that.)
We meet in my RV twice a week. Maybe you’re thinking. ‘Hey, a wrestling organization that meets in a less than mint condition RV doesn’t sound like my cup of tea’. Believe me, I understand. If ‘comfort’ and ‘fun’ and ‘non-odor’ is high on your list when joining, then we may not be the ideal situation for you. (Also people with cat allergies don’t even bother reading any further. Trust me.)
Also you should know that the air-conditioning doesn’t work very well. On the plus side the heater works just fine, although we often keep the windows down in the winter because Ferguson (ugh, ikr?) suffers from persistent irritable bowel syndrome.
Perhaps you read the words ‘RV’ and ‘odor’ and of course ‘irritable bowel syndrome’ and thought to yourself. ‘These people sound like losers, why join?’
If you want a list of reasons, I’ve got plenty.
For one thing, there is our exhaustive knowledge of the movie Purple Rain. From our full recap, behind the scenes trivia and of course our own covers of the hit songs. Also here’s an interesting thing about Two Can Zed. He once made out with the twin sister of actress and terminator killer herself Linda Hamilton. Was there tongue? I’m not going to amuse you with all the details because one of the benefits of joining our wrestling organization is listening to Zed tell the story in person. Spoiler: the part where she passes out is a REAL highlight of the story. And the way he tells it. Is like poetry.
Some additional benefits of joining:
- Bi-weekly car rides to Burger King and Taco Bell featuring my famous BK Rap SONG. Sample lyric: ‘I be purchasing two big whoppers / Then my gonna chew it with my choppers. Give me a soda and a large french fry / What you mean you don’t take pennies, I think I might cry! Word!’
- 24/7 access to Ferguson’s news paper/magazine/toilet paper collection. Just don’t try and take it without asking or you may take part and witness his infamous temper tantrum.
- And…
Dear readers. Good news. This is Alice Knight! And I’m currently starting up my own wrestling organization. It doesn’t have a name. It doesn’t have a ring. It really doesn’t have a permanent address. But this is a real thing with an extremely exclusive membership. How exclusive you ask? We presently only have 3 members. Myself and my two aspiring wrestlers. My homeless friend Two Can Zed… and HIS friend, Ferguson. (Ferguson only remains in the organization because it was a two against one vote. Help me change that.)
We meet in my RV twice a week. Maybe you’re thinking. ‘Hey, a wrestling organization that meets in a less than mint condition RV doesn’t sound like my cup of tea’. Believe me, I understand. If ‘comfort’ and ‘fun’ and ‘non-odor’ is high on your list when joining, then we may not be the ideal situation for you. (Also people with cat allergies don’t even bother reading any further. Trust me.)
Also you should know that the air-conditioning doesn’t work very well. On the plus side the heater works just fine, although we often keep the windows down in the winter because Ferguson (ugh, ikr?) suffers from persistent irritable bowel syndrome.
Perhaps you read the words ‘RV’ and ‘odor’ and of course ‘irritable bowel syndrome’ and thought to yourself. ‘These people sound like losers, why join?’
If you want a list of reasons, I’ve got plenty.
For one thing, there is our exhaustive knowledge of the movie Purple Rain. From our full recap, behind the scenes trivia and of course our own covers of the hit songs. Also here’s an interesting thing about Two Can Zed. He once made out with the twin sister of actress and terminator killer herself Linda Hamilton. Was there tongue? I’m not going to amuse you with all the details because one of the benefits of joining our wrestling organization is listening to Zed tell the story in person. Spoiler: the part where she passes out is a REAL highlight of the story. And the way he tells it. Is like poetry.
Some additional benefits of joining:
- Bi-weekly car rides to Burger King and Taco Bell featuring my famous BK Rap SONG. Sample lyric: ‘I be purchasing two big whoppers / Then my gonna chew it with my choppers. Give me a soda and a large french fry / What you mean you don’t take pennies, I think I might cry! Word!’
- 24/7 access to Ferguson’s news paper/magazine/toilet paper collection. Just don’t try and take it without asking or you may take part and witness his infamous temper tantrum.
- And…
We cut to Alice in her trailer, on her Acer laptop typing away the letter as Zed runs in.
Two Can Zed- Did you hear, Al-ice? Online Championship Wrestling is reopening! FOR REAL! No B.S.!! That’s your meal ticket, hun!
Alice Knight(stunned)- No way!?! That’s the best news I heard all this hour. I heard rumours and what not. But this is… crazy… How did you find out???
Two Can Zed- Well it’s all over the websites. Sure there’s a few things about the ‘Jesus Charlie’ stuff and a few missing planes in the Asia land. Also a few missing kid reports…
Alice Knight- You’re boring me.
Two Can Zed- Well the OCW is on it’s way back Revenge is the show, yeah, is going to be, um, February 28th in Brazil or something. Pretty cool, huh?
Alice Knight(leans back rubbing her hands together)- Hmm. Interesting. Where’s Ferguson? He should hear about this.
Two Can Zed- Making Waffles… he’s literally 2 feet from you. Turn to your left.
Camera zooms out to see a gawky looking guy, Ferguson, toasting waffles with headphones in his ear. Alice Knight rolls her eyes and mouths the words ‘I f’n’ hate you’ towards Ferguson.
Alice Knight- Gang, friend Zed…and Ferguson… I need to get to OCW headquarters. ASA as quick as possible. Dean and I go way back. I think we can negotiate one hell of a deal for me to return. He did put me into the OCW Hall of Fame. Alice Knight has worth now.
Two Can Zed- What about our organization idea?
Alice Knight- It’s going to have to be put on pause for a bit, Zed. But eventually the pause button will turn into the play button. I promise. Get the cats. We got business to take care of.
Alice shuts her laptop and rushes pass Zed and Ferguson, but not before slapping Ferguson on the back of the head. She gets behind the wheel. Zed pulls in the fishing net full of black cats scratching and meowing at one another and slams the back door.
Alice starts the engine. “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince plays loud as she speeds off out of the McDonalds parking lot.
Two Can Zed- Did you hear, Al-ice? Online Championship Wrestling is reopening! FOR REAL! No B.S.!! That’s your meal ticket, hun!
Alice Knight(stunned)- No way!?! That’s the best news I heard all this hour. I heard rumours and what not. But this is… crazy… How did you find out???
Two Can Zed- Well it’s all over the websites. Sure there’s a few things about the ‘Jesus Charlie’ stuff and a few missing planes in the Asia land. Also a few missing kid reports…
Alice Knight- You’re boring me.
Two Can Zed- Well the OCW is on it’s way back Revenge is the show, yeah, is going to be, um, February 28th in Brazil or something. Pretty cool, huh?
Alice Knight(leans back rubbing her hands together)- Hmm. Interesting. Where’s Ferguson? He should hear about this.
Two Can Zed- Making Waffles… he’s literally 2 feet from you. Turn to your left.
Camera zooms out to see a gawky looking guy, Ferguson, toasting waffles with headphones in his ear. Alice Knight rolls her eyes and mouths the words ‘I f’n’ hate you’ towards Ferguson.
Alice Knight- Gang, friend Zed…and Ferguson… I need to get to OCW headquarters. ASA as quick as possible. Dean and I go way back. I think we can negotiate one hell of a deal for me to return. He did put me into the OCW Hall of Fame. Alice Knight has worth now.
Two Can Zed- What about our organization idea?
Alice Knight- It’s going to have to be put on pause for a bit, Zed. But eventually the pause button will turn into the play button. I promise. Get the cats. We got business to take care of.
Alice shuts her laptop and rushes pass Zed and Ferguson, but not before slapping Ferguson on the back of the head. She gets behind the wheel. Zed pulls in the fishing net full of black cats scratching and meowing at one another and slams the back door.
Alice starts the engine. “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince plays loud as she speeds off out of the McDonalds parking lot.
Clubbin Man Chases down Tag Title Match Rumors
~Outside of a local Japanese steakhouse, OCW reporter, Clubbin Man is holding a microphone, tapping his foot rhythmically against the paved surface. The light to the camera comes on, snaring his attention~
Clubbin Man: What’s up cool cats of OC-double-youuuuuuu...it is I, Clubbin Man, chasing down a lead on a potential Tag Team match at Revenge. I’m being told the tag titles...or, as they may be called, the Titties
~A wad of paper is hurled at Clubbin Man, slapping him in the face. He picks it up, unwads the paper and reads it~
Clubbin Man: Scuse me...Twinsies is what I’m hearing they may be called. That or some name that has to do with stars and planets and other things I could care less about.
~It’s a bit rainy outside, so droplets of water start to slap into puddles. This produces a rhythm, which Clubbin Man’s foot taps to~
Clubbin Man: Obviously, if these rumors are true, then the question remains...who will be placed into the match. Well...there are only two teams on the roster, so you jive people do the math.
~A steady breeze blows through, smacking a sign against the exterior of a building...that, coupled with the rain drops, creates even more of a beat. Clubbin Man’s head starts to bob back and forth~
Clubbin Man: Oh yea...so, since President Dean is being all Presidential and stuff...keeping things TOP SECRET...I’ve decided to hunt down a person who might have some answers.
~A car alarm goes off, creating even more of a beat with the sign and rain drops. Clubbin Man’s hips begin to swivel...he suddenly breaks into an all out dance. The camera cuts off~
~We cut back on with Clubbin Man moonwalking his way through the Japanese steakhouse. He finds himself smack dab in the middle of the place and decides to shout out~
Clubbin Man: EXCUSE ME, JAPANESE PEOPLE...DESCENDENTS OF JACKIE CHAN...I’M LOOKING FOR ITSUMADE!! NOW, WHERE IS HE...I KNOW HE’S HERE!
~They all just kind of look at Clubbin Man like he’s crazy. Not to mention, 95% of the restaurant is comprised of white people. Clubbin Man finally spots a semi-asian family nearby. He rushes over and not-so-subtly thrusts his crotch right up into the females face~
Clubbin Man: Excuse me, Japanese woman...where is Itsumade? Is he under this table? Is he back there cooking?
~The Japanese chef at the table has had enough. While cooking the onion volcano, he flips if off the table and into Clubbin Man’s face~
Clubbin Man: AHHH!! MY EYES!! YOU KAMIKAZE BASTARD!!
~Security rushes up and forcefully removes Clubbin Man from the premises as we cut to an OCW message~
**We at OCW do not condone nor do we share Clubbin Man’s narrow views on the Japanese culture. Sadly, thorough background checks weren’t so, umm, thorough when hiring most of our crew. Please, take most of what they say with a grain of salt. Having said that, President Dean has informed me...the faceless voice of reason in OCW...that a tag match is set to be announced soon**
Clubbin Man: What’s up cool cats of OC-double-youuuuuuu...it is I, Clubbin Man, chasing down a lead on a potential Tag Team match at Revenge. I’m being told the tag titles...or, as they may be called, the Titties
~A wad of paper is hurled at Clubbin Man, slapping him in the face. He picks it up, unwads the paper and reads it~
Clubbin Man: Scuse me...Twinsies is what I’m hearing they may be called. That or some name that has to do with stars and planets and other things I could care less about.
~It’s a bit rainy outside, so droplets of water start to slap into puddles. This produces a rhythm, which Clubbin Man’s foot taps to~
Clubbin Man: Obviously, if these rumors are true, then the question remains...who will be placed into the match. Well...there are only two teams on the roster, so you jive people do the math.
~A steady breeze blows through, smacking a sign against the exterior of a building...that, coupled with the rain drops, creates even more of a beat. Clubbin Man’s head starts to bob back and forth~
Clubbin Man: Oh yea...so, since President Dean is being all Presidential and stuff...keeping things TOP SECRET...I’ve decided to hunt down a person who might have some answers.
~A car alarm goes off, creating even more of a beat with the sign and rain drops. Clubbin Man’s hips begin to swivel...he suddenly breaks into an all out dance. The camera cuts off~
~We cut back on with Clubbin Man moonwalking his way through the Japanese steakhouse. He finds himself smack dab in the middle of the place and decides to shout out~
Clubbin Man: EXCUSE ME, JAPANESE PEOPLE...DESCENDENTS OF JACKIE CHAN...I’M LOOKING FOR ITSUMADE!! NOW, WHERE IS HE...I KNOW HE’S HERE!
~They all just kind of look at Clubbin Man like he’s crazy. Not to mention, 95% of the restaurant is comprised of white people. Clubbin Man finally spots a semi-asian family nearby. He rushes over and not-so-subtly thrusts his crotch right up into the females face~
Clubbin Man: Excuse me, Japanese woman...where is Itsumade? Is he under this table? Is he back there cooking?
~The Japanese chef at the table has had enough. While cooking the onion volcano, he flips if off the table and into Clubbin Man’s face~
Clubbin Man: AHHH!! MY EYES!! YOU KAMIKAZE BASTARD!!
~Security rushes up and forcefully removes Clubbin Man from the premises as we cut to an OCW message~
**We at OCW do not condone nor do we share Clubbin Man’s narrow views on the Japanese culture. Sadly, thorough background checks weren’t so, umm, thorough when hiring most of our crew. Please, take most of what they say with a grain of salt. Having said that, President Dean has informed me...the faceless voice of reason in OCW...that a tag match is set to be announced soon**
OCW Hall of Famer Ian Bishop in talks to re-join OCW?
If the news of former OCW roster members PerZag, Bob Grenier, current OCW World Champion Mack O'Connor and fellow OCW Hall of Famer's Lurrr and Big Bifford weren't big enough, a rumor has been circulating around the OCW head office that recently awarded 2014 Heel of the Year "the Incredible" Ian Bishop wants back in.
While we have no concrete evidence yet or word from President Dean, apparently Dean and Bishop are at odds on his contract as Ian Bishop is asking for a guaranteed shot at the OCW World title at Revenge and Dean isn't so keen on handing out title shots.
If we get word from Dean, Bishop or any other source on this rumour, we will be sure to let you know!
While we have no concrete evidence yet or word from President Dean, apparently Dean and Bishop are at odds on his contract as Ian Bishop is asking for a guaranteed shot at the OCW World title at Revenge and Dean isn't so keen on handing out title shots.
If we get word from Dean, Bishop or any other source on this rumour, we will be sure to let you know!
Killface Chases Down Interesting Lawsuit Rumor
~Killface is seen standing in front of a random courthouse in the middle of some city. We can't tell where this place is located as Killface's giant 8 foot, 450 pound frame is blocking the name of the building. He has a microphone in his hand, staring blankly at the camera. He blinks a few times. He reaches up and scratches something out of his teeth. He returns his gaze into the camera, blinking again. Something catches his eye as he clears his throat, seemingly surprised~
Killface: Oh, are we on? We're filming? Filming right now?
~He takes a moment to receive the cameraman's response before instantly straightening his posture and slapping a smile across his giant, white face~
Killface: Hello America, my name is Killface and I'm here chasing down an interesting rumor which landed upon my desk, or, well, lap. I don't really have a desk, too large for one, you see and Dean didn't feel like modifying a standard desk to accommodate my physique. Perfectly fine with me, I enjoy being in the field anyway, as it...
~Killface stops, realizing his rambling~
Killface: Anyway, I'm here in front of the courthouse, chasing down news of a potential Lawsuit against Dean. Now, while I'm sure all of this is a bunch of poppy cock, one can't be too cavalier when the word lawsuit is tossed around.
~A person in a suit walks by, Killface grabs their arm, scaring the crap out of them~
Person: Ahhh!!
Killface: Excuse me there, sir, do you have any tidbits about this supposed lawsuit against Dean?
Person: YOU BROKE MY ARM!!
~Killface releases his menacing grip, finding the guys arm to be shattered. He runs away, crying. Killface pauses, before yelling out~
Killface: DON'T ACT LIKE THIS IS MY FAULT..........TRY HITTING THE WEIGHTS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE......Weakling......seriously.
~Killface recomposes, staring back at the camera~
Killface: Well, America, it appears as though this is a dead end. Never fear, I will continue to search out the root of this mythical lawsuit, bringing the vagabonds forward where they will face the consequences of their slanderish actions. Killface, signing out.
~We fade to black~
Killface: Oh, are we on? We're filming? Filming right now?
~He takes a moment to receive the cameraman's response before instantly straightening his posture and slapping a smile across his giant, white face~
Killface: Hello America, my name is Killface and I'm here chasing down an interesting rumor which landed upon my desk, or, well, lap. I don't really have a desk, too large for one, you see and Dean didn't feel like modifying a standard desk to accommodate my physique. Perfectly fine with me, I enjoy being in the field anyway, as it...
~Killface stops, realizing his rambling~
Killface: Anyway, I'm here in front of the courthouse, chasing down news of a potential Lawsuit against Dean. Now, while I'm sure all of this is a bunch of poppy cock, one can't be too cavalier when the word lawsuit is tossed around.
~A person in a suit walks by, Killface grabs their arm, scaring the crap out of them~
Person: Ahhh!!
Killface: Excuse me there, sir, do you have any tidbits about this supposed lawsuit against Dean?
Person: YOU BROKE MY ARM!!
~Killface releases his menacing grip, finding the guys arm to be shattered. He runs away, crying. Killface pauses, before yelling out~
Killface: DON'T ACT LIKE THIS IS MY FAULT..........TRY HITTING THE WEIGHTS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE......Weakling......seriously.
~Killface recomposes, staring back at the camera~
Killface: Well, America, it appears as though this is a dead end. Never fear, I will continue to search out the root of this mythical lawsuit, bringing the vagabonds forward where they will face the consequences of their slanderish actions. Killface, signing out.
~We fade to black~