Bifford Suffering from Fits of Delusion?
Dr. Shaidee, OCW's new physician, has started to grow concerned over Bifford's mental well being. Below is a statement he released earlier this morning:
We've been observing Bifford for a few weeks now and I've grown increasingly concerned with his lack of focus and fits of delusion. Apparently, Bifford is under the assumption he will be facing Dangerous Dan at Revenge, instead of Lurrr. We've tried reasoning with him, explaining that this is a Hall of Fame Title Match, therefore Dan is far from eligible. Yet, he is convinced Dan is his opponent, saying Lurrr is his best friend and current President of OCW. It's all quite worrisome and confusing.
When asked what President Dean had to say about all of this, Dr. Shaidee was quote as saying:
All President Dean told me when I presented these concerns was to make sure Bifford was ready to compete by Revenge, no matter what. So, that gives us, oh, I guess a few weeks to strengthen his mental faculties to an acceptable level. Whether or not that is possible remains to be seen. However, I am under strict orders to make sure Bifford shows up, ready to wrestle at Revenge. He will be there.
Certainly an interesting development, but, if you've followed Bifford his entire career, this is far from anything new. We will keep you posted when/if anything new arises.
President Dean's Weekly Press Conference
Question 1: Mr. Dean, I was wondering why you no showed last week’s PC?
President Dean: Vegas takes its toll on a man. Mentally, physically, financially and, well, let’s just say I had to undergo several tests for various diseases. Thankfully, I am officially disease free.
~Dean points at the heavens above~
Question 2: Mr. Dean, the first week of active OCW competition has come and gone, how would you rate the first official week of OCW 2015?
President Dean: Overall, I’m extremely pleased with how things went. Sure, we fell just shy of 100% participation...Bifford was a bit of a disappointment. I can only assume he got trapped at some all you can eat buffet. But, making up for his absence were extremely talented newcomers like Awe.Some, Supreme Machine and Ricky Rhodes...plus, our trusty, talented, reliable veterans.
Question 3: I’m glad you mentioned Supreme Machine
President Dean: As am I
Question 3: He brings the sort of character into OCW we haven’t seen in quite a few years. Do you think a person of his mental makeup can survive in today’s OCW climate of weirdos and goofballs?
President Dean: First off, try telling Danny B, Chad Vargas and Mack O’Connor that their goofballs and see how that goes over. Second, absolutely. It’s not about your method, it’s all about your work ethic. If Supreme Machine puts in the time and effort required to be successful in OCW, he will be. It’s not rocket science.
Question 4: How about Ricky Rhodes? He seemed to jump right into the OCW state of mind with his first appearance, do you have high hopes for him?
President Dean: I think it’s pretty obvious that at this juncture Supreme Machine and Ricky Rhodes are the overwhelming favorites to claim the Oh Shit Contract at Revenge. Of course, alot can change between now and then. Rhodes definitely grasped the spirit of OCW. There’s nothing more ‘OCW’ than stepping right in and broadcasting a blow job on OCW Television. I’m very impressed with his potential.
Question 5: You had us going there Dean, I’m not sure a grown man, when referencing a guy getting blown, should say ‘I’m very impressed with his...’
President Dean: A hundred dollars for the first person who knocks that sucka out!
~A fist flies, drilling Question 5 guy, knocking him gold. The person whom the fist belongs to tries to retrieve his money~
President Dean: Your, umm, hundred bucks will be in the mail.
~The assaulter wallows back towards his chair, confident that he won’t see a dime of his hard earned money~
Question 6: There’s some worry that the Climb the Rope Tag Match may fall short of initial expectation, especially with concern surrounding the uncertainty of ItsuPuma...would you care to comment on that?
President Dean: It’s true, there’s been a couple of bumps in the road in preparation for our Tag Title Match. None of those bumps, by the way, have anything to do with Awe.Some. They have been nothing short of spectacular since joining. ItsuPuma was signed under tremendous hype and it was my hope they could recapture the magic they enjoyed in mid-2014. Sadly, it’s looking like we may get late ItsuPuma rather than early ItsuPuma, if that makes sense. However, Revenge is going to be an amazing show and that tag match will deliver, one way or another.
Question 7: A lot of people were pleasantly surprised to see The Lost Soul emerge late in the week. I think some fans had penciled in Ashe Dawson as an easy winner...that appears to be in doubt, your thoughts?
President Dean: I had a nice chat with TLS...we go way back, for you suckas who don’t know your history...but I had a nice chat with him before anything was signed. He still has that passion for one last run and I don’t believe we would have agreed to anything if both parties weren’t confident he could perform. So, while you guys may have been surprised, I knew exactly what was coming and it was nice to see TLS put his best foot forward to kick things off. Now, Ashe Dawson is going to be tough...that sucka did a lot in a short amount of time last year, so TLS is going to have his work cut out. However, I have no doubt we will get the best from both men, inside The Cube...the Ascension Title is in good hands.
Question 8: Speaking of The Cube, how has the reception been since its unveiling?
President Dean: Overwhelmingly positive...that’s what people love about OCW. We’re not afraid to try new things...to think outside of the box. I believe the only apprehension toward the Cube has to do with its makeup. Generally when competitors are pent up inside a structure, that structure has edges or curves or, you know, anything that can be construed as dangerous. A plexiglass wall, to some, seems so harmless. Well, let me tell you suckas one thing...The Cube is not going to come off as friendly and harmless as it seems. Don’t underestimate the violence that will take place within The Cube.
Question 9: What about the matches taking place in the amphitheater...how has the response been from the competitors who are not going to participate within The Cube?
President Dean: Aside from Vargas and Grenier, they’re all fine. I think Lurrr knows that if Bifford stood out on a platform hanging over a cliff, they’d both die. The Oh Shit participants are in a Sub Zero match...pretty cool on its own. Danny B and PerZag get to cut each other up inside the House of Mirrors...so I’d say everyone at Revenge is going to be involved in something special.
Question 10: Speaking of Lurrr, it was nice to see him finally speak, officially, on OCW Television...do you anticipate Lurrr and Bifford being the biggest draw at Revenge? And, where has Lurrr been since the reopening?
President Dean: Lurrr’s been busy filming the sequel to Plastic Hooking. If you don’t know what Plastic Hooking is, look it up (Plastic Hooking by Will Gardner). Filming has ended, so his total focus is geared towards Revenge. As to your first question, I think every match is a draw for Revenge. If you don’t know someone because they are new, well, you have the Sub Zero match to look forward too. If you like tag competition, you have the climb the rope match. TLS is making his return against one of last year’s brightest up and comers, Ashe Dawson. Alice Knight, returning Tatum Coe, hall of Famer Danny B takes on PerZag. And, as if that weren’t enough, you have the entire OCW Title chase...what’s not to like? It’s a stacked card, full of talent and potential.
Question 11: Halfway through the first month...or, well, almost...do you anticipate any changes to the format for March?
President Dean: We are closely monitoring the evolution of things and if we get to a gap that needs to be bridged, we will build the appropriate walk way. I’m always open to changing things...it’s how you stay ahead of the game. This was an experiment at its outset...an experiment that I think has been mostly positive...and, at the end of February, we will look back and amend what needs to be amended.
Question 12: It’s been no secret that Tatum Coe and Awe.Some have been feuding since OCW reopened. Do you anticipate Coe attempting any sort of sabotage during Awe.Some’s tag match?
President Dean: That will be highly unlikely...while Coe may not like Awe.Some, he’s a highly focused individual and, right now, with a Hall of Famer standing in his way, I’m sure 100% of his focus is dedicated to Alice Knight. That being said, if he tried anything...well, best of luck breaking into The Cube.
Question 13: What’s your opinion on Treat Cassidy assembling such an array of wrestlers underneath his tutelage? Is it worrisome for the future of OCW?
President Dean: Treat is a good manager, he’s been able to sculpt several talented wrestlers from talented molds of clay. OCW, in general, has benefited a great deal from Treat’s ability to scout and recruit talented wrestlers. I personally have no beef with Treat, we worked fairly well together in 2014. So, as long as Treat knows his place, everything should be fine.
Question 14: Last year, at Resurrection, we saw the returns of Scott Syren and The Great One...any surprises planned for Revenge?
President Dean: Even if there were, do you think I’d just announce them at some arbitrary press conference?
Question 15: I’ve heard you’ve had talks with Silverfreak and Scorpion about returns...any truth to those rumors?
President Dean: Pass
Question 16: What about MJ Bell? Apparently there was a bit of controversy surrounding her an OCW last week...care to comment?
President Dean: That was all one big misunderstanding. The blame, ultimately, falls at my feet. OCW TV accidentally broadcast an old Treat statement from August 2014 when tensions between OCW and MJ were at a fever pitch. I reached out to MJ and, in my opinion, things are good between us. I have a great amount of respect for MJ Bell, I wish her well in whatever federation she’s actively competing in.
Question 17: Would you take MJ Bell back, if she wanted to return?
President Dean: We here at OCW are not in the business of turning Hall of Famers away. There’s always a spot for MJ Bell...but, I’m sure, as all of you know, there’d have to be a few details we’d need to iron out and go over before the idea of OCW and MJ rejoining could become a reality.
Question 18: What about Brianna Casablancas...any contact with her?
President Dean: Might as well call her Amelia Earhart. Brianna fell off the face of the Earth shortly after leaving OCW in April of 2014. I’d love to hear from her and see how she’s doing, but until she resurfaces, I don’t see that happening. And, before anyone asks, Brianna would absolutely be welcomed back into OCW if she ever emerged from wherever she’s been hanging out.
Question 19: And, Dean, you know we have to ask...The Great One.
President Dean: What is this? Throwback Thursday or whatever that stupid internet thing is? Ugh, Trevor Kent...let’s see what the best way to answer this is. Trevor’s accomplishments in OCW are second-to-none. He’s as OCW as anyone in that Hall of Fame. I can remember recruiting Trevor from a rival federation over a decade ago. He was, arguably, the biggest signing in OCW history. Last year, Trevor came in and made an instant impact. That’s the good stuff. The negative stuff, well, it’s my opinion that Trevor Kent is incapable of separating himself from the character he portrays. His backstage antics grew tiresome and, quite frankly, are outdated in today’s world of Professional Wrestling. As I previously stated with MJ Bell, I would never flat out deny a Hall of Famer the chance to return. However, if Trevor approached me about a return, we’d have to have some serious, heart to heart conversations before anything could even remotely reach the planning stages. Out of everyone in OCW’s Hall of Fame, I’d put TGO’s odds of returning at the very bottom. I do, though, wish Trevor the very best in whatever he does as, in my opinion, deep down he’s a good guy.
Question 20: Rumor has it that nearly ten million dollars are going to be pumped into the Brazilian economy as a result of Revenge...that’s an amazing number...your thoughts?
President Dean: The hell if I know, that’s why I hire accountants. If that number is anywhere close to accurate, then I think it just speaks as to the value of the OCW brand and the quality of our competitors.
Question 21: Any new details on the lawsuit? Things have been quiet on that front...
~The room quiets down as Dean has previously grown beyond agitated when asked questions about the supposed lawsuit~
President Dean: There is a lawsuit. It’s real. Let me go ahead and admit that. Now, it’s frivolous, at best. I, honestly, don’t see anything coming of it. The people behind it are petty and vindictive and I’d rather focus on what’s positive rather than the negative motives of a few disgruntled individuals.
Question 22: Claire Graves, is she involved?
President Dean: That is the name of the attorney representing the people suing myself and OCW. I will speak no more about this lawsuit this week or until anything substantial develops worth commenting on.
Question 23: The March Show, any hints towards a name and location?
President Dean: We are currently eyeing Europe and, in fact, are in the negotiating stages with a venue. Like Revenge, our March show will emanate from a unique location unlike any venue we’ve competed in before.
Question 24: Can you give us a name?
President Dean: The name would likely give too much away...plus, we aren’t 100% set on a name as of right now. Trust me, the details will emerge at an appropriate time. You guys just focus on the present, which is Revenge.
Question 25: Is it true you’ve signed The Glitch Mob to perform “Can’t Kill Us” as the theme song for Revenge?
President Dean: That is absolutely true. “Can’t Kill Us” will be the theme song of Revenge, for obvious reasons. Okay, well, I’ve got important matters to look after, so you suckas have a good week.
~Several reporters urgently attempt to get one final question in as Dean stands up and exits the OCW Press room~
I am a ASE certified mechanic.
I am a licensed HVAC technician.
I am a NICET certified fire sprinkler layout technician.
I am a NITC certified Journeyman Plumber.
I am ABC certified for Electrical work.
I have over 300 hours at the local Labor Ready as clean up man.
Over 50 Demo jobs. You tell me to destroy it, it will be destroyed.
Foreman for over 200 successful projects from college campuses, bus terminals, to your mamma's house.
General Contractor Superintendent for the MetLife Stadium home of the NY Giants. Turned job in 3 weeks early.
No one will ever dig a trench faster nor deeper than I.
At 56 years young, I still get up every morning before my alarm sounds at 4:45 AM to go nowhere.
I am over qualified, under paid, and not respected by these youngins who can't work as fast nor as hard as I.
I will do whatever it takes to make a buck.
When I am needed I rise to every occasion.
Working my hands to the bone, my feet to their core, blood, sweat and tears.
PRIDE. I carry it well.
Part time construction laborer, Full time ASS KICKER.
I am CAUTION.
Last week, Cassidy negotiated through President Dean, a contract for quite possibly one of the best wrestlers in the world, none other than former multi EMF World Heavyweight champion and EMF Hall of Famer, Angelus Archer, known as "The Slayer of Life" has joined the OCW ranks. Archer has held every championship in EMF, and has moved onto greener pastures by inking a contract with Online Championship Wrestling and President Dean. In the past Archer has lived up to his moniker "Slayer of Life" in many ways, most notably slashing Jarred Carthallian's throat live on PPV four years ago. No charges we're brought upon him for some odd reason.
Archer also has history with Chad Vargas as well as Mack O'Connor, we will see how their pasts coincide with their presents here in OCW.
Angelus Archer was not available for comment, but as always, when media comes a'callin' Treat Cassidy was readily available for comment, although brief, this is what was said: "Thank me now or later, Dean - but either way you'll be thanking me once you see Angelus Archer's abilities."
Well, that omission has been corrected as, just moments ago, President Dean released his latest match invention at a Friday night press conference.
This concoction he likes to call 'The Cube' will not only host the OCW Title Match, but it will also encompass the ring for three additional matches as well. For all the details, let's cut to a few tidbits from Dean's press conference which took place minutes ago.
~We cut to the OCWHQ Press Room as Dean is wearing and old style looking suit and drinking a cup of coffee. He has just finished answering an inconsequential question when another, more pertinent question, is posed~
Question 1: What are the other matches that will be contested inside this 'Cube'?
President Dean: The other three matches taking place within The Cube will be Alice Knight versus Tatum Coe, The Lost Soul versus Ashe Dawson and Awe.Some versus ItsuPuma.
Question 2: How is the 'Climb the Rope' Match going to work within The Cube?
President Dean: Simple, there will be a 5'x5' removable square at the top. That square will be lifted several feet above The Cube with the title set atop it. A rope will be hanging from the removable square, hanging through the hole and dangling just above the ring.
Question 3: Interesting.
President Dean: Yes, it is.
Question 4: I'm assuming this square will be re-fastened for the other matches?
President Dean: Absolutely, the whole purpose of The Cube is to keep people in.
Question 5: But why just a cube instead of a cell or cage or something more, I don't know, menacing.
President Dean: That's because, for these four matches, the ring will be hanging over a cliff. A cliff that looks down over a beautiful, natural body of water. People dive off the cliff all the time, so a plummet isn't going to result in death or anything, but it would sort of put a cramp in the match. Therefore, The Cube is there to ensure the wrestlers remain in the ring because, as we all saw at Clash at the Coast, if given the opportunity, they will try to throw each other out of the ring and over the cliff.
Question 6: Isn't that a bit of an extravagant setting?
President Dean: It is definitely extravagant and a gamble, of sorts, but what would innovation be without a certain amount of risk? This setting will either pay off or it won't, plain and simple. But OCW was not built by acting frigid and frail.
Question 7: Where will the fans be seated?
President Dean: In stands looking towards the ring. Much like Clash at the Coast, they will all be on one side of the ring, the safe side. We had thought about extending bleachers out, over the cliff, but that could be quite costly.
~Dean pauses, before speaking again~
President Dean: But, you know what? We may be able to swing it. Don't set that in stone, just yet.
Question 8: My goodness, if a portion of the fans are situated, over the cliff, what will keep them from falling over?
President Dean: Tall, plexiglass at the edge of the seating section, tall enough to keep them from being able to climb over.
Question 9: How will the wrestlers and fans reach their suspended destinations?
President Dean: Sturdy, plexiglass lined walk ways.
Question 10: Have you decided to buy stock in plexiglass?
President Dean: You bet your ass.
Question 11: Where are the other matches going to be contested?
President Dean: Inside an amphitheater located a few miles away. We're going double locations for Revenge, much like we did at Black Out 2.
Question 12: Can we see a design for 'The Cube'?
~Dean nods and moves to turn on a teleprompter~
Will Ferrell Impersonator: My Goodness....it's...beautiful.
President Dean: Yes, yes it is. See ya later, suckas.
~Dean heads out as several cameras snap photos of 'The Cube'~
The view opens up in a sight that is almost surreal. A dark room, lit only by the flickering light of a large furnace on the corner, shadows dancing on the concrete walls of a room without windows. The camera pans around, showing rusting boilers and piping and then a figure, huddled in the corner. The tiny light makes it almost impossible to discern the figure’s features, only that he is seated on the ground, hunched over with his legs crossed. A small light suddenly lights up and we are treated to a sight that makes you uneasy.
A man. Large. VERY large. A black hair in a messy tangled mane hanging over his face. Bare upper torso with skin riddled with scars in an intricate pattern, covering a chiseled physique. From behind the veil of his mane, two eyes stare at the camera. Dark, almost coal-like eyes that show no compassion, no mercy. No Kindness.
And then. A voice.
“For too long have we spent in solitude. For too long have we laid still. It is time.”
A chuckle emanates from behind the veil. An eerie one, shrill and deep at the same time.
“OCW shall be our hunting ground. We shall taste the thrill of the chase once more. The world will once again bear witness to the path of destruction we lay infront of us. And it all begins… Now.”
The man stands up, he towers at almost 7 feet. Still holding his head bowed, he continues to talk in a quiet, almost soft voice that seems out of place for his frame.
“We have seen so much. We have been through so much… Done so much. Our body bears the proof of our violent past. And our name… still elicits visions of fear… of pain… of brutality in those who know it. Be prepared… for the beast is on the hunt again… Soon… nobody can forget the name…”
He flicks his hair up, revealing a face covered by an old leather mask. From what little you can tell from behind it, the scarring continues to his face aswell. He walks right up to the camera and whispers in a menacing voice.
“Supreme… Machine…”
And with a manic cackle he returns to the corner he rose from and sits down beginning to rock back and forth as the view fades to black and a text appears to the screen.
“OCW will NEVER be the same again…. For the BEAST HAS AWOKEN…”
