LIVE! May 2nd 2022
FROM El Hadj Hassan Gouled Aptidon Stadium
All Up In Djibouti
~Saved. Saved from a fiery, molten end. Premature exit from this Earthly existence. Hallelujah! OCW lives to pummel the rest of this industry into submission. When we last left our OCW heroes, it was to the tune of ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’ and oddly placed tune aboard a military aircraft carrying the entire roster from a self destructing island. But, the tune carried weight with OCW’s GM. Much like he carried a baby simba doll, gifted to him by the leader of the rescue mission. What could it all mean? I have no doubt we’ll all find out. When the time is right. Speaking of time...it’s Monday Night...we’re back under the bright lights. Back in the midst of civilization. Right here in Djibouti! All up in Djibouti! Straight OUTTA Djibouti. Djibouti. Djibouti. DJIBOUTI! OCW’s fearless leader, Marcus Welsh is spotted backstage inside a coach’s office. It isn’t very nice. Something out of a west texas high school football movie...only shittier and more prone to lethal snakes. He’s got a pretty solid beard going after his stay on the island BUT, thankfully, he’s showered. He sits, atop a metal, folding chair, arms crossed atop a plastic table, staring at the Simba doll. Greg enters~
Greg: Marky. Why don’t you just throw that away?
Marcus Welsh: I can’t do that, Greggers! Don’t you know ANYTHING?
Greg: It’s impossible to know something if you won’t tell me!
Marcus Welsh: I wish I could.
~Welsh stands and he dramatically THROWS his arms and upper body across the plastic table, knocking the simba doll to the floor~
Marcus Welsh: But, I can’t!
~Greg walks up, patting Welsh on the back~
Greg: There there, Marcus. Just relax. Maybe you should seek counseling. I think we all could use a little help after the trauma from what we just experienced.
~Welsh’s face is squished, sideways atop the table~
Marcus Welsh: Yea, maybe.
Greg: Here, I know a guy. Let’s go have a chat with him.
~Greg grabs Marcus by the hand and drags him out of the office...Welsh reaches out, snaring the Simba Doll as he’s being dragged away. We instantly cut to Jones and Hood, at a normal-ish announcers table with a ring set up in the middle of this soccer stadium that holds a meager twenty thousand people. It’s daylight outside. It’s Africa. It’s DJIBOUTI. Barricades are set up to prevent the fans in attendance from reaching the ring...the wrestlers are set to emerge from a tunnel feeding into the locker room area. Mats have been placed around the ring, covering the grass. It’s, ya know, a pretty standard fucking setup for a pro wrestling event. The Massacre logo flashes across the screen with Jones’ voice screeching the intro~
Jones: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre! I’m your host, Jones and alongside me, as always, is Hood! We are BACK in the midst of civilization bringing you another episode of the absolute best this industry has to offer.
Hood: Any word from SMITH?
Jones: Not yet, but we hope our colleague is okay. He was last seen evading Plethora and his MIGHTY Scythe.
Hood: Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Smith. I know I say a lot of shit, but I’m here for you, bro. Hope you’re okay.
Jones: Well said, Hood. Fans, we appreciate you all supporting us during our trials and tribulations throughout the month of April. But now...now it’s time to turn the page...now...it’s gotta be MAY!
Hood: Lame.
Jones: What? I’m just trying to relate to our younger audience.
Hood: You just alienated them by being a fuckin idiot. -whispers- shoulda left you on that fuckin island
Jones: What was that?
Hood: Nothing.
Jones: Ladies and gentlemen we have several marquee matches tonight. The debut of Alexandra Calaway! In-ring action from Easton Alexander, CJ O’Donnell, and Crash Rodriguez! The tag debut of Bob Grenier and Jam G!
Hood: Don’t hype that shit as if it’s important. For fuck’s sake..IT’S JAM G.
Jones: Sadie Ko, the #1 contender to the Craze Title, will once again be put to the test as she faces Mike Mason...a man we’re all familiar with, a man who looks ready to make a name for himself in OCW.
Hood: People talk about the FINAL GIRL...yes, final girl, I KNOW THE TERM. Tonight, we’re gonna see the FINAL BRO try and put the ghost bitch down.
Jones: Also, CYPHER returns to the ring as he’ll face Brett Daniels, a man who I’m told was instrumental in getting us to Djibouti.
Hood: Thanks, I guess.
Jones: And, in our main event...for the first time in years, the OCW Title will be on the line on Monday Night! Plethora, fresh off of slaying OCW’S KING, will defend his OCW Title in a 2 out of 3 falls match against...Alice Knight!
Hood: Gotta hand it to Pleth, he’s not wasting any time.
Jones: Not many people are giving Alice Knight a shot in this one but, I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss. I’m told she’s focused and she’s ready.
Hood: They got any owls in Africa?
Jones: I’m sure.
Hood: Terrific.
Jones: Folks...it’s a massive show, it’s Monday night...let’s get this party started!
~In the backstage area The Big Bifford, not dressed as Plethora, is seated in a lawn chair near the locker rooms. He’s eating a bag of popcorn and there is an empty lawn chair beside him. He waves someone over and an awkward looking 20-something year old guy comes and sits in the chair.~
Bifford: Hey son, what’s your name?
Stewart: I’m Stu.
Bifford: Who’s your favorite wrestler, Stewart?
Stewart: Well.. Alice Knight mostly..
Bifford: What the hell are you doing backstage?
Stewart: I’m a stagehand..
Bifford: Not anymore! You’re fired! I’ll talk to Dean later and make that official.
Stewart: Dude.. it’s 2022. Dean hasn’t been here in a very long time..
~Bifford just stares at Stu in silence until the awkward man stands up and walks away.~
Jones: Oh yeah, I’m really glad we’re getting 14 of these..
Easton Alexander (5-4) vs. Zeus (0-4)
~Zeus parades around the ring talking about how awesome and powerful he is. He looks out at a female fan and asks if she’d like to come ‘party in the clouds’ with him after the show. She says ‘no’. He threatens to SMITE HER DOWN with lightning. The woman just kinda stares at him. Zeus stares back. Zeus puts his arms down and says, “You’re lucky, woman. I need to save my energy for Easton. You are very lucky.” He gives her the evil eye which, really, makes it look like Zeus is confused. Hades stands outside the ring, pointing at the woman, telling her how lucky she is~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring...ZEUS!!!
~Zeus turns and throws his arms into the air. He gets a glimpse at the OCW tron and notices that the top rope blocks his face. He gets angry and hops onto the first buckle, improving his height...there it is, there’s his face. ZEUS!
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~Maniac - Carpenter Brut begins to play. Alexander Walks down the ramp with focus, whispering the lyrics of the song to himself. He walks with purpose and poise but bobbing his head to the beat, once he enter the ring the fun stops, he stands in the corner not facing his opponent~
Belvedere: From North Bay Ontario Canada...standing 6’1 and weighing in at 210lbs...Easton Alexander!!
~Belvedere exits and the bell sounds~
Jones: Easton Alexander back in action. Now, I know what people are thinking...”5-4? I haven’t seen him win a match!” And, yes, that’s true, Easton has yet to win a wrestling match in OCW.
Hood: Yep...he’s been involved in lots of multi-person matches which OCW sorta sees like a bowl of candy at Halloween. You get a win. You get a win. YOU GET A WIN. Just for, ya know, showing up!
Jones: Classic OCW, baby. But, yes, while Easton does have 5 ‘wins’...he’s never had his hand raised and that’s eating him up.
Hood: His only ‘victory’ came when he beat up Sugar Valentine backstage, preventing him from competing.
Jones: Yep. So, tonight, hopefully Easton can get his first legit OCW win...otherwise, I don’t know. He may snap.
~Zeus throws his arms in the air, looking to conjure some lightning to SMITE Easton. He drops to his knees, calling to the heavens. Easton looks at him like “wtf is up with this dude?” He then charges forward and BLASTS Zeus in the face with a boot!!! Zeus tumbles to the mat, face down, knocked out~
Jones: The lightning did not arrive in time.
Hood: Man, whoever is overseeing things up there while Zeus is down here is gonna be in troooouuuuuuble.
~Easton pulls Zeus off the mat and to his feet. He straightens Zeus out before lunging forward and turning him inside/out with a Burning Lariat (standing lariat)!!! Zeus lands HARD on the mat. Easton kicks him over and makes the cover. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3...NO!
Jones: Easton pulled Zeus’ shoulder off the mat!
Hood: Okay, it’s gonna be like this.
Jones: He’s trying to make an example of Zeus.
~Easton is back on his feet, bringing Zeus along for the ride. He boots Zeus in the gut. The diminutive ‘god’ tries to fall to the mat, but Easton holds him up, bullying him and talking shit. He brings Zeus in and hooks him for a Piledriver. He lifts him up...he holds him...he then drops him right on his head with a Gotch Style Piledriver!!! Zeus’ body goes stiff as he bounces up before crashing to the mat. Easton crawls over and makes the cover. Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
3...NO!
Jones: Again, Easton pulls Zeus’ shoulder up! C’mon!
Hood: He’s off the island. He’s pissed. He’s letting it out, Jones. Purging himself of the frustration and anxiety. Besides, he beats Zeus bad enough, maybe he’ll get to fuck Hera.
Jones: And then become, what, The God of Cuckolding?
Hood: There ya go! Damn, you’re way better than Smith!
~Easton pops back to his feet. The fans start to boo...nobody likes to see bullying on this scale. He kicks at Zeus and laughs at him, ordering him to ‘act like a god’...but Zeus is pummeled into submission. He’d tap if he knew where he was. Hades gets on the apron, threatening to BURN EASTON ALIVE. Easton runs at him and slugs him with a right hand, sending Hades flying into the barricade...more boos~
Jones: How do you turn Zeus and Hades face? Put them in the ring with a colossal dick!
Hood: Maybe he’ll beat some sense into those two fuckers forcing them to take a long look in the mirror and re-evaluate their lives. Maybe get jobs as floor managers at Best Buy or some shit.
Jones: Let the guys dream, Hood. LET THEM DREAM
~Easton turns around and pulls Zeus off the mat. He’s smiling wide. He’s really enjoying himself. He hoists Zeus up onto his shoulders and marches around the ring. He faces one side of the fans...they boo. He faces another side...they boo. He faces the hard camera...everybody at home boos...even Easton’s mom. She raised him better than this! He turns, facing the final angle, preparing to drop Zeus on his head with Cursed Night...he turns Zeus downward...but Zeus dives to the mat and rolls Easton over!! He’s got him rolled up!!! Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings. Everybody in attendance goes wild~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...ZEUS!!!!!
Jones: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
Hood: Are you FUCKING kidding me? GEEZUS
~Easton immediately kicks out after three. He scrambles to his feet, shocked. He goes toward Scruff. Zeus rolls out of the ring. Hades is there, in pain. He grabs his partner and they celebrate, jumping up and down. Easton bullies Scruff into a corner...Scruff points at the OCW logo on his ref shirt. Easton shoves off and looks for Zeus...but he sees him with Hades outside the ring. They notice he’s got his eye on them and they turn and sprint toward the back~
Jones: Smart move by the gods.
Hood: When’s the last time Zeus won?
Jones: It’s been years.
~Easton exits the ring but he’s not gonna give chase. They are too far ahead and he’d look stupid. He, instead, reaches under the ring and grabs a chair...he repeatedly bashes the chair against the steps, mangling and destroying it. He yells with each impact~
Jones: Easton Alexander has lost it, folks.
Hood: A loss to Zeus could and should do that.
Jones: He continues to search for his FIRST legit victory in OCW. What a rough night in Djibouti.
Hood: That’s what she said...err, right?
Jones: Sure.
~ The camera fades backstage and you see Alexandra Calaway in the hallway stretching before her match. Calaway looks ready for her OCW debut tonight as she seems very focused. “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell appears and has a smirk on his face. Alexandra puts her fist up as she doesn’t know what to expect from O’Donnell.~
CJ O’Donnell: Hey you can put those fists down I am not here to fight.
Alexandra Calaway: Is that so? It seemed like you wanted my throat.
CJ O’Donnell: Listen I understand you might feel alone and by yourself as Mark Storm has gone missing. He did just have one helluva battle at Technical Difficulties and he might need some time to recover. But …
~ CJ pauses and looks directly at Alexandra. ~
CJ O’Donnell: I want to say our little twitter back and forth was me seeing if you had what it takes to last in OCW. Many people come into OCW with this arrogance and think they are great but once confronted they cower in the corner and piss their pants. You didn’t back down and handle your own. So you have my respect.
Alexandra Calaway: I’ve never backed down from a fight, and I’m not going to start now. You have my respect as well. Not many could have gone through what you did at Technical Difficulties and walked out of there like you did.
~ CJ extends his hand and waits to see if The Dark Queen shakes his hand. She looked at his hand and then up into his eyes, her’s locked on his as she extended her hand to shake his. ~
CJ O’Donnell: You are not alone and if you ever need someone to watch your back just let me and us along with Alice Knight will wreak havoc on anyone who comes in our way.
Alexandra Calaway: You know what.. Let’s do it. You got my back.. I got yours and Alice’s. I can’t speak for Mark.. I haven’t seen him since before you all went to Australia.. And I don’t feel like we will be seeing him for a while, and it’s good to have back up around this place.
CJ O’Donnell: Listen, Alexandra don't worry about him. You have to focus on you. If he shows up great. If he doesn’t show up, great too. I know if he does show up he will have a lot of explaining to do. And if Storm doesn't show up he was never your true _king_ he was just the court jester. Good luck tonight in your debut
~ Camera cuts away ~
~In the backstage area Bifford is still sitting in his lawn chair. The lawn chair that was previously held by Stu is now occupied by Bifford’s longtime manager Earl the Popcorn Salesman. The two men are chit chatting as the camera zooms in.
Bifford: And then I’ll demand that Silverfreak come back to face me..
Earl: Why don’t you just stop living in the past, man? You’ve got the OCW Title now..
~Bifford turns his head and notices the camera and signals for Earl to be quiet.~
Bifford: Plethora. Plethora is the OCW Champion.. ain’t nobody gonna challenge him. In fact, did you hear that Plethora challenged Dangerous Dan this week and offered him a World Title match? And Dan turned him down? Shameful sort of cowardice if you ask me..
Earl: Yeah that is pretty bad..
~The two men go back to their conversation as the camera slowly pans away.~
~The scene switches to earlier in the day. The backstage area where members of the OCW crew work together to get everything set in place for the night’s event. As they endlessly do their jobs, BRIM is shown walking with a purpose. He appears focused and content, both Savage Championships resting comfortably on his shoulders. He looks around, searching for somewhere or someone in particular. He spots a production manager and walks over to him~
BRIM: Aye.. Do you know where I can find Welsh?
~The man gulps, analyzing the sheer size of the monster known as BRIM. He simply points, somehow unable to form words~
BRIM: Whatever, man.
~BRIM scoffs but still heads in the direction that the guy pointed. The Savage Champion moves through the El Hadj Hassan Gouled Aptidon Stadium(wtf!), careful to not get lost within the corridors of this place that OCW will be calling home for the next few weeks. He shifts pass production equipment, random cords and all other kinds of assorted things before coming to a door. He looks at it, it has the name ‘Marcus Welsh’ scribbled in black permanent marker ink onto a blank white sheet of paper. BRIM shakes his head but knocks nonetheless~
“Come in.”
~A voice shouts from the opposite side, so BRIM obliges, twisting the doorknob and entering the office to see that Greg is massaging Marcus’ shoulders while he sips on a cup of McDonald’s coffee. The two straighten up, Greg removing his hands from Marcus’ shoulders while he places his cup of brew down onto a desk~
Marcus Welsh: BRIM, just the man that I wanted to see.
BRIM: Yeah, I caught wind that you were looking for me. So.. what’s up?
~Welsh appears nervous, anxious. He takes a sip from the cup. He looks at BRIM with concern~
Marcus Welsh: Okay, it’s like this. First, let me congratulate you on earning the number one contendership for the OCW World Title. I always knew that you were capable of getting to this point.
~BRIM nods at the compliment but remains silent~
Marcus Welsh: Alright then, straight to the point. Seeing as how you have the aforementioned spot and will be facing Plethora at Big Game Hunting. We need to have that Savage Title defended as well.
~BRIM cocks an eyebrow~
BRIM: So what, you want me to pull double duty?
~Marcus nervously laughs~
Marcus Welsh: Of course not, buddy.. What I’m trying to say is that I would love for you to defend that Savage Title for as long as you possibly can but seeing as how you may reach a new pinnacle coming up soon. How about relinquishing the Savage Championship.
~Marcus looks at BRIM. BRIM looks at Marcus. There’s an uncomfortable silence. Greg slips away unnoticed~
BRIM: After everything that I’ve been through? All the scars of war with the likes of Xavier Lux, Outcast. Thaddeus Duke. SuMa. And most recently, Kelson Hewitt, You want me to just sit these here belts on your desk so some other fucker can try to create their own legacy? You want me to just give up, what I’ve worked so hard to keep? All because I have a shot at the World Title?
~Marcus nods.. BRIM stands there for a minute and ponders his decision. However it isn’t long before he lifts both titles from around his neck. We now see that they are connected at the straps. He lays them honorably onto Marcus’s desk~
BRIM: Since day one, I’ve been associated with this title and honestly, it’s time to move on towards the next chapter. What happens next is up in the air but know this.. Come, Big Game Hunting, the landscape that is Online Championship Wrestling will be rocked to its very core. Y’know, kinda like Frank..
~BRIM turns and leaves the room, not allowing Marcus a moment to respond. Stepping through the door, he closes it shut behind him. Wellsh grabs the titles and he leans over his desk, breathing heavily. It’s clear the man is exhausted, stressed to the max...anxiety from the past month dominating his conscious. But, at this moment, he’s simply relieved he didn’t get any pushback from BRIM. We cut away~
~Bifford is wandering around near the concessions area, looking at the few fans who are out there during the show. He walks up to two guys in their late 20s.~
Bifford: Do you know who I am?
Fan: Uh…
Bifford: I’m an OCW Hall of Famer.
Fan 2: Uh… The Big..
Bifford: The Big Bifford. I held the OCW Title when you were a child.
Fan: Uh.. sorry I wasn’t following it..
~Bifford glares at the two fans. But then he reaches into the sack he is carrying around and pulls out a t-shirt.~
Bifford: Free t-shirt?
Fan: YES!
Fan 2: YES!! The Big Belford is the best!
~Bifford glares at Fan 2.~
Bifford: They’re not my t-shirt.. they’re the t-shirt of OCW’s best wrestler: Dangerous Dan. I am a huge Dangerous Dan fan and I want to spread that fandom around the world. Here you go.
~Bifford hands the two fans t-shirts that are clearly not official OCW merchandise. They read DANGEROUS DAN: WORLD’S BEST WRESTLER. 4-2 Record. They both look at the t-shirts, then at each other, then at Bifford. It’s clear they’re very disappointed but they also don’t want to upset this large scary man.~
Fan: Uh.. thanks.
Fan 2: Yeah this is.. just great.
Bifford: Those are collector’s editions.. they’re gonna be worth big money someday. You should find Dangerous Dan and ask him to autograph them.
Fan: Yeah.. we’ll get on that.
Jones: How many more of these do we have to sit through?
Hood: I am down to watch Bifford do his thing all night!
Singles Match
Crash Rodriguez (2-1) vs. Robert Uchiha (0-0)
~Robert Uchiha is in the ring. He’s a long way from his mother’s basement. He still wields his DANGEROUS BLADE. Everybody looks at him like, “Dude’s gonna kill himself with that thing one day – ON ACCIDENT.” Belvedere keeps a safe distance~
Belvedere: Introducing first...Robert Uchiha!
Jones: The master of blades. The conqueror of pizza rolls...Mr. Uchiha is back in the ring!
Hood: Fuck my life
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~"No Love" by Death Grips begins to play as Lou Pohl emerges from the locker room, leading Crash down to ringside. Lou is handing out business cards to various African clients...perhaps looking to turn his business GLOBAL. They reach the ring and Crash slides in under the bottom rope~
Belvedere: From Kansas City, Missouri...standing 5’11 and weighing in at 207lbs...he is ‘The Crooked Man’...he is...Crash Rodriguez!!!
~Belvedere exits and the bell sounds~
Jones: Crash Rodriguez back on Massacre for the first time in what feels like forever.
Hood: So much talent in that man. Shame he didn’t win at Technical Difficulties.
Jones: He came oh-so close to earning a Craze Title shot but...Sadie Ko prevailed.
Hood: I mean, it’s kinda hard to beat a ghost if you don’t have a proton pack.
~Uchiha steps forward and does a few slashes with his sword...kitana...whatever you wanna call it. It’s a long, sharp blade you pedantic fucks. He slings his blade around and nearly trips to the mat, almost impaling himself on the blade. Everybody gasps. Scruff is like, “That’s it!” and he rips the blade away from Robert, tossing it out of the ring~
Jones: Finally, an adult in the room. Get that sword out of that idiot’s hands.
Hood: Dude, just let him accidentally suicide himself. It’s Darwinism. Doing the planet a favor.
Jones: Darwinism is cruel. We need to protect people, Hood.
Hood: Man, you protect people from being naturally eliminated from the herd and, guess what, they breed...and who are they gonna breed with? Other idiots. And what will two idiots produce? A double idiot and, well, so it goes, so it goes, so it fucking goes. Next thing you know we’re all Florida Men.
~Uchiha cries out, ululating like a toddler having his favorite toy ripped away. Crash has had enough of this shit. He marches forward, snares Robert by the hair and smacks him in the head with some right hands...he follows that up with a headbutt that sends Uchiha flying into the nearest corner. Crash boots him in the gut~
Jones: Robert’s in trouble.
Hood: Only blades that guy should be player with are roller blades.
Jones: You think he’s any good?
Hood: Fuck no. He’d probably still find a way to damn near kill himself.
~Crash yanks Robert out of the corner, spinning him around. Crash hops onto the top buckle and he pulls Uchiha with him. He hooks Robert’s head and then jumps off, falling back with CRASH REPORT (Avalanche DDT)!!!!! Uchiha’s head SMACKS into the canvas! He’s out! Crash flips him over and makes the cover. Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...CRASH RODRIGUEZ!!!!!
Jones: Impressive win by Crash!
Hood: Fuck yea...great bounce back from Sunday.
Jones: With Crash, it’s all about consistency. If he can stay focused and bring this type of energy every single time out, he’s going to be a major player in OCW.
Hood: Hey, I’m here for it. Pizza rolls for everybody!
~The camera comes up on Alexandra who was getting ready for her match when her phone rings. A couple of a rings in and she answered it her eyes rolled for a moment~
"Did you get the information I asked for?"
~The voice on the other end of the line must have been still looking. She seemed a bit broken in her gaze, but then she spoke again~
"Thank you for letting me know. Disband the search.. if he doesn't pop up.. I know what needs to be done. Now If you'll excuse me.. I have a match to get ready for. No.. If he wanted to do this.. he'd be here. Now I have made my choice.. this is the right one. Thanks again."
~Alexandra hung up the phone and moved across the hall and knocked on the door of CJ and Alice, before it was opened by CJ and she slipped inside nodding at them. Her choice having been made~
~A mariachi band is set up in the back.~
Jones: We’re in Africa not Latin America.. What is going on? Do we have a new Latin American wrestler debuting?
Hood: I think we all know what this is..
~Bifford suddenly comes dancing out in front of the mariachis and they begin playing loudly and proudly. Bifford smiles and dances, almost eclipsing the whole mariachi band. In one of the weirdest things you’ve ever seen on OCW television, he begins rapping over the mariachi music.~
Bifford: Hey Alice Knight!
~Bifford keeps dancing as the camera pans out.~
Jones: Why was Bifford rapping over mariachi music?
Hood: I don’t know but I’m down to buy the album!
Jones: How much does he pay you?
Hood: More than that Kenny the Intern guy who has to make the samosas..
Tonight? You’re in for a fright!
I pinned you three times before..
tonight let’s make it four!
You may think you can win,
Believing this is a sin.
You will end tonight looking at the lights,
Plethora the Perilous will bring the fights.
Though you know I am who I am, you’re right,
You winning? Djibouti will never have that sight.
~We cut to backstage, some OCW employees are scrambling to keep the show in working order. Two in particular looking over some important notes.~
Employee #1: make sure its 5 not 6 like the last time.
#2: Its always been 6 I’m not sure why we have to change it.
#1: it doesn’t matter, that’s what they want so that’s what they’ll get.
~the employees scatter to complete their jobs for the night, but an angry dragon is raging, Easton Alexander is storming through the backstage area. Taking out any innocent employee he can. Throwing them through boxes and guardrails. He grabs a security guard and starts yelling in his face.~
Easton: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I LOST TO ZEUS, OF ALL THE PEOPLE ON THE ROSTER… THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A LAY UP, AN EASY WIN. HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE, TELL ME!
I don’t know sir please… let me go.
~Easton picks up the guard on his shoulders and tosses him into some electrical equipment. He charges through the halls until he finds a door labelled “General Manager” he swings the door open, enters and slams it shut behind him. Mumbled shouting can be heard from the inside before Easton storms back out pulling the camera man close.”
SADIE KO… IF YOU THINK PULLING YOU INTO THE WATER WAS ENOUGH PAYBACK FOR EMBARRASSING ME WAS ENOUGH, YOUR ‘DEAD’ WRONG. I SAID A COUPLE WEEKS AGO THAT ONE ON ONE YOU CAN’T BEAT ME. IM GONNA PROVE THAT NEXT WEEK, MAY 9TH YOU WILL BE MY FIRST 'REAL'WIN IN OCW.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT FOR A CURSE.
~Easton throws a forearm into the camera. And the feed goes black.~
~In the backstage area there is a cow. It is just standing there and the camera looks it in the face. The cow looks back at the camera, almost as though the cow has no concept of what a camera is. This goes on for about 30 seconds which is way too long.~
Jones: What the hell is this?
Hood: It’s a nice cow..
Jones: I know who is behind this..
~Sure enough the camera pans out and shows Bifford walking up beside the cow holding a necklace. He puts the necklace around the cows neck. The necklace has a large pendant on it that reads BRIM.~
Jones: This is how this feud is starting?
Hood: It’s a nice cow..
~Bifford takes a few steps back and then runs forward toward the side of the cow and tips it. As the cow begins to fall toward the floor, the camera jerks to the side to not show the impact. A very official voice of an OCW employee is heard saying “Bifford! YOU CAN’T DO STUFF LIKE THIS!”
Bifford: It was Dangerous Dan’s idea! It was ALICE KNIGHT’s IDEA!
Jones: This is so not right..
Hood: It was a nice cow.
Singles Match
CJ O’Donnell (5-1) vs. Dane Princeton (0-2)
Belvedere: Our following contest is set for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit.
Jones: This is not gonna be a wrestling classic.
Hood: Nope CJ is gonna make quick work of Dane. He came back to OCW to make a statement and he is doing just that.
Belvedere: Standing in the ring to my left is Dane Princeton.
~ Dane waves to the crowd in attendance and begins to do some jumping jacks. ~
Hood: I don’t think those jumping jacks are gonna help you Dane.
Jones: Probably not but hey give this man credit he isn’t backing down.
Belvedere: And his opponent from Boston, Massachusetts…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 178lbs…he is a former OCW Tag Team Champion… the man who destroyed TIO at Technical Difficulties by burying him alive … “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell!!!
~“Kings Never Die” by Eminem hits. The entirety of Club Space boos the arrival of ‘The Distinguished’. CJ emerges from behind the curtain looking ready for combat. He soaks in the hate which acts as fuel motivating the man to be the best. He heads down the aisle way, arms outstretched which only draws more heat. A fan yells at him…CJ pauses and looks the fan in the eye. CJ laughs and continues heading to the ring, finding the fan to be pathetic. He hustles up the steps and enters into the ring. He looks at Dane and just nods his head at him. ~
Jones: I’m shocked that CJ hasn’t attacked yet.
Hood: CJ is a master of playing with someone’s mind.
Jones: That he is and he studies his opponents extremely well.
DING DING DING
~The bell sounds and immediately Princeton goes charging at CJ and The Distinguished One connects with a very stiff clothesline. Dane hits the mat hard and immediately holds the back of his head. CJ looks down at Dane and as he is trying to get up O’Donnell drives his right knee into the face of Dane. CJ looks down at Princeton and just laughs at him. ~
Jones: CJ looks like he means business tonight.
Hood: He _always_ means business. He has felt short changed during his wrestling career.
Jones: How so? He has been a part of two of the most talked about stables in wrestling history.
Hood: And in both those stables he was considered to be a follower and not a leader. CJ has always wanted to be the top star and was never given the opportunity.
Jones: Marcus Welsh has given him that opportunity.
Hood: I have it on good it on a good source. Marcus Welsh didn’t know who CJ was when he first came into OCW. He just brought him along because he wanted Matt Meyhu in OCW for years.
~CJ rakes his boot across the face of Princeton before driving his leg across the throat. O’Donnell sits with his leg draped across the throat of Dane before he slaps him with an open hand. ~
Jones: CJ showing no respect to his opponent tonight.
Hood: You want respect, you have to earn it. No freebies.
~ CJ laughs and picks up Dane by his hair. He slaps a few times on the back of the head to disrespect Princeton before CJ irish whips him into the corner. Dan comes staggering out of the corner holding his lower back as CJ is running at him and connects with … ~
Hood: IRISH KNOWLEDGE!!!
Jones: Dane is out cold on the mat.
Hood: I think I saw a tooth fly out.
~CJ walks over to Dane and places a boot across his chest as Scruff makes the cover. One … Two … Three. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner … “THE DISTINGUISHED” … CJ O’DONNELL!!!
Jones: Dominating win by CJ...if anybody thought we might see a bit of a let down after his huge win at Technical Difficulties, think again.
Hood: He seems to have washed his hands with TIO...so now...now we look toward the next step.
Jones: No idea what that next step will be but, I’m sure CJ has already figured it out.
~Bifford is backstage standing around with Kenny the Intern, who looks incredibly frustrated.~
Kenny: Bifford, the OCW people are not happy about that cow stunt..
Bifford: Then they’re really not gonna like the 11th segment..
Kenny: The cow is hurt, Bifford.
Bifford: You know you can’t spell OCW without COW.
Kenny: What did you say about the 11th segment?
~Kenny opens a binder and begins flipping through pages.~
Kenny: There’s no script in here for the 11th segment.. what the hell is the 11th segment?
~Earl the Popcorn Salesman walks up to the two men.~
Earl: I hid the camel, Bifford.. ain’t nobody finding it.
Kenny: CAMEL!? There can be NO MORE animal cruelty.
~Earl and Bifford share a look and smirk while Kenny looks very unhappy.~
~‘Baby, Please Don’t Go’ by Franky Perez and The Forest Rangers begins to play and strobe lights flash blue and silver.~
//Baby, please don't go
~A howling scream comes through the sound system and is met by the roar of two motorcycles as they roll out with Meghan on a Blacked out Harley Davidson Fat Boy and Tamika on a Blacked-Chromed out Harley Davidson Sportster with cFh airbrushed on the tanks. Gold and silver pyro’s shoot off down the ramp as Meghan and Tamika hold their fists (the Craze Championship around Tamika’s waist) high in the air to the roar of the crowd.~
Hood: Look it’s the “We Never Lose a Damn Match” Straders!
Jones: Well technically Hood, that’s not true as Meghan did lose to one-half of our tag team champions in The Lost Stranger in the Pyramid!
Hood: Man that was a cool show, remember my piss jars, Smith?
//Before I be your dog
~ The women begin their descent down the ramp hitting their throttles to pump the crowd. They circle the ring, meeting tire to tire at the announcers' table.
//Turn your lamp down low
~Meghan and Tamika slide into the ring and take the opposite turnbuckles holding their fists up in the air getting a loud pop.~
//You brought me way down here
~ Tamika grabs two microphones from Belvedere and they let the music die down as the Djibouti crowd is right into this crazy promotion from the Keys. Meghan being the Matriarch is the first to speak.~
Meghan Strader: HELLO DJIBOUTI!!!!!!!!
~Crowd actually yells “HELLO MEGHAN” back at her, taking her by surprise but she chuckles as she looks over at a laughing Tamika.~
Jones: Friendly crowd!
Hood: They are just excited they don’t have to fight over a bowl of rice and water they need to boil.
Jones: Remember fans, send your angry hate mail to the OCW Arena in Key West.
Meghan Strader: When my sister and I came to OCW near the end of January it was to help finance the promotion so it could have a future. Since we have done that, the roster has grown, the shows have gotten bigger, and the demand for OCW and its talent is unprecedented.
~Tamika nods in agreement and addresses the crowd.~
Tamika Strader: Meghan, you are absolutely correct. When we came to help majority owner Marcus Welsh and minority owner Mike Zybala we only planned to wrestle here and there. Promote the company the best we can to help it turn a profit so we can make our money back and give enough to Welsh and Zybala to be able to run it without us. Now, that probably won’t happen until 2023 sometime due to that new idiot janitor and former OCW Owner Gregory Poblano. I had no intention of winning gold here, outside of the Tag Team titles eventually, because that’s what the Cowgirls From Hell do!
~The crowd pops chanting “C-F-H! C-F-H! C-F-H!”~
Meghan Strader: We did enter the Pyramid, The Great Illuminatus at Carpe Noctem to help round out the participants and while I came up short against the talented Lost Stranger—
Jones: And her daughter beat him in Ireland.
Hood: It’s fairly obvious that Veronica Strader is the most Proud and Strong Strader there is, and maybe even of OCW as a whole.
Meghan Strader: — my amazing baby sister and tag team partner earned a Craze title shot by beating Crazy Chris, a man we are familiar with in our PWA days. Now she obviously won it in Dublin, Ireland 12 years after our first tag team championship in the PWA in Dublin, Ireland as well.
~The crowd cheers.~
Tamika Strader: And I love being the OCW Faithful’s Craze Champion!
~She holds up her left arm and grimaces feeling the damage caused by Your Hero, and Mine.~
Tamika Strader: Speaking of the PWA, that’s why we are out here.
Hood: What does the PWA have to do with OCW?
Jones: Well, Muffles the Bunny has connections to the PWA, as well as the Cowgirls, who had defended their PWA Tag Team titles successfully against OCW’s own Danger Boiz in 2011.
Hood: Yada Yada Yada…
Meghan Strader: Now as most of you know both Tamika and myself bought the Pioneer Wrestling Association three years ago from Rob “The Phoenix” Robinson, and we did attempt to reboot the company but unfortunately due to people like Jake Norton and Anna Mathews, it left a bad taste in the mouths of sponsors, advertisers and former talent. Which is a shame because the company up until its last few years of existence had a proud and strong history. It made superstars in this industry. Just ask the Danger Boiz how tough the promotion was, very much like OCW where on any given night, no matter who was in the ring, could win or lose. It bred competition.
Tamika Strader: That it did. Now, I’m not going to name the two companies and men, but they might rhyme with Cleo and Marrows, the second being über douche extraordinaire which from my understanding never even would have had a company if not for this awesome ass promotion!
~O-C-W! O-C-W! O-C-W! O-C-W!~
Meghan Strader: You are goddamn right OCW. The only cancer that killed the other place is the man that spits all over this company in its legendary history. We sat down with Marcus and Mike coming to an agreement for OCW to stream the ENTIRE PWA LIBRARY of it’s 15 years of existence!
Jones: Oh wow, that’s huge Hood. We can watch the Cowgirls' legendary title reign! Scott Nash Strader’s multiple title wins including the top prize of the PWA World Heavyweight Championship! What a great day for wrestling!
Hood: Definitely more exciting than a generic old loaf of bread promotion airing wrestling where half the roster didn’t even want to be there.
~The fans give a huge pop at the announcement.~
Tamika Strader: You can witness the Cowgirls From Hell winning their first tag team titles! You can watch us beat the former OCW Tag Team Champions in the Dangy Boiz! You can see our dad win his 5th and last world title inside of a burning cage as he sets Matthew “The Virus” Engel on fire. From the first Genesis PPV to the last Genesis PPV. Multiple “Who’s The Man” tournaments. All the Rumbles in the Bronx! The entire library will be available for your viewing pleasure alongside OCW’s library, only on OCW TV!
Meghan Strader: When we first came here it was to help OCW and support my daughter the TransAtlantic Champion Veronica Strader, and maybe a few tag team matches. Now, we are even more intertwined in this amazing industry that allowed us to get to the top. Now we can give back to the fans, and with no extra fees! So to the two assholes that spit on this company, the one promotion that thinks they won some stupid federation war or the other promotion that stupidly thought they could actually get off the ground without OCW can suck a homeless man’s asshole.
Tamika Strader: That’s gross.
Meghan Strader: And so are they for slinging mud when we have never said a single thing in their direction in seven months.
~Tamika shrugs which causes her to grimace a little bit and nods in agreement.~
Tamika Strader: Alright, we have taken up enough of these peoples time, let’s them enjoy some wrestling, shall we?
Meghan Strader: We shall!
~The fans cheer loudly as Meghan and Tamika head to their motorcycles. They ride back up the ramp leaving Hood and Jones alone at ringside with Belvedere.~
Hood: I will say, that’s a big announcement. Bringing more money into OCW. Time for a raise.
Jones: Yeah, if they listen to your commentary I doubt that will happen.
~Hood flips off Jones.~
Jones: Nice, Hood. Nice. Anyway! Up next we have the in-ring debut of Alexandra Calaway against Tuesday Night Equality’s top star, Whisper Mendoza! You don’t want to miss this one folks!
Baby, please don't go
Baby, please don't go, down to New Orleans
You know I love you so
Baby, please don't go\\
Before I be your dog
Before I be your dog I get you way'd out here, and let you walk alone
Before I be your dog\\
Turn your lamp down low
Turn your lamp down low I beg you all night long
Baby, please don't go\\
You brought me way down here
You brought me way down here 'bout to Rolling Forks
You treat me like a dog
You brought me way down here
Baby, please don't go
Baby, please don't go
Baby, please don't go, back the New Orleans I beg you all night long\\
~Bifford has set up a small weird stage in the backstage area and some OCW employees have gathered around, probably wanting to see what happens next after the cow incident they all heard about. Bifford walks up to the stage, which looks like it can barely hold him.~
Bifford: This is a very special night in OCW.. Plethora the Perilous will voluntarily defend his OCW Championship against the very unworthy Alice Knight.. and I, The Big Bifford, will appear 14 times to entertain you. On this, my seventh appearance of the night, I wish to bring back a GREAT SUPERSTAR OF THE PAST..
~The OCW employees buzz a bit, whispering to one another.~
Bifford: Ladies and gentlemen.. my former manager.. LUDWIG THE SEAL!
~A gasp fills the room, since probably everyone would assume Bifford’s Cocoa Puff eating seal from a decade ago would be dead by now. A man in a seal costume comes out and the employees react rather lukewarmly.~
Bifford: Watch! It’s really Ludwig!!
~Bifford pulls out a box of Cocoa Puffs (we’re not really sure from where) and begins throwing them at the man in the seal costume. The OCW employees begin leaving the area.~
Hood: Well.. they can’t all be winners.
Jones: I wonder what happened to that seal..
Hood: It lived in a bathtub and only ate Cocoa Puffs.. I think we all know where the seal is now. Seal hell.
Alexandra Calaway (0-0) vs. Whisper Mendoza (0-2)
~Whisper Mendoza is already in the ring. She’s looking side to side...she walks up to Belvedere and whispers something in his ear. She giggles. The look on Belvedere’s face seems to say, “yes, I already know that”. He speaks~
Belvedere: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...Whisper Mendoza!!
~Whisper leans back in her corner~
Belvedere: And, her opponent…
~The lights go down and "7 Rings" by The Animal In Me starts to play. The stadium is filled with Red and lights and fog. The Silhouette of Alexandra can be seen at the top of the ramp. She poses on the top of the ramp and as the beat drops, she starts to make her way down the ramp, towards the ring. Stopping halfway down the ramp, she stops looking out over the crowd, before continuing on. She smirks seeing some of the signs people made, a cocky smirk crosses her face~
Belvedere: "From Dallas, Texas, Alexandra Calaway..."
~Finishing her walk down the ramp, she climbs onto the ring apron and up onto the turnbuckle. She slips into the ring and poses on the ropes, leaning forward on the ropes, sometimes talking shit with people in front row as she waits for the bell~
Jones: Alexandra Calaway making her debut and NOT making any friends.
Hood: The hell she gotta make friends for? Look at her! She’s perfect.
~Belvedere exits and the bell sounds~
Jones: And here we go! Will Alexandra Calaway live up to the hype or will Whisper Mendoza spoil her debut?
Hood: I think you know how this is going to go.
~Whisper approaches Calaway. She wants to whisper something to her...she leans in and whispers...but Calaway has no desire to hear what she is trying to say. She pushes Whisper back and smacks her in the head with a Spin Kick!!! Whisper stumbles into a corner. Alexandra rushes forward and pummels Whisper with a series of punches. She then hip tosses Whisper out of the corner, to the center of the ring. Calaway jumps up and bounces off the top rope with a split legged moonsault!! She connects!!~
Jones: Wow, a lethal combination of aggression and athleticism on display by Alexandra Calaway.
Hood: Told ya we knew how this was going to go.
Jones: It’s not over yet!
Hood: Haha okay, sure
~Calaway pops back to her feet. Whisper is down. Alexandra stares at the beaten, disgusting opponent. She’s ready to end this and move on to bigger and better things. She pulls Whisper up and boots her in the gut. She double underhooks both of Whisper’s arms, jumps up and drops her with Fallen Angel (Spinning Sitout Lifting Double underhook facebuster)!!!! Alexandra makes the cover. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...ALEXANDRA CALAWAY!!!!!
Jones: Tremendous performance by Miss Calaway. She lived up to everything we expected.
Hood: Short fuckin work, that’s for sure. She’s got talent and she’s got attitude. She’s going places, Jones. GOING PLACES.
Jones: Yes, I heard you. I’m right here.
Hood: Don’t you start getting lippy like Smith!
Jones: Or what?
Hood: …
Jones: Alexandra Calaway victorious in dominating fashion here tonight!
~Bifford is outside the arena near where some scalpers and just general scummy are standing. He looks at the camera and smiles.~
Bifford: Okay the return of Ludwig the Seal was not a slam dunk.. but this return of a former OCW legend will.. you may be familiar with my manager Earl the Popcorn Salesman who has been with me since my debut in OCW.. but you may not remember that for a certain period of time, including the last time I tried to do this crazy shit with all the segments, Earl was a ZOMBIE! Ladies and gentlemen, ZOMBIE EARL THE POPCORN SALESMAN!
~Earl comes walking around the corner dressed in his zombie attire with zombie makeup. He runs at the scalpers and criminals and they go running in terror.~
Bifford: That’s how you fight crime.. You see this Alice Knight? Why don’t you ever fight any crime?
~Bifford looks at Earl with a bit of confusion.~
Bifford: Why were you a zombie again?
~Earl shrugs.~
Earl: I dunno man, we were all on a lot of drugs..
Hood: ZOMBIE EARL! I love it!
Catch the Technical Difficulties Replay LIVE for the Ultra Low Price of $69.69!!!!
~We cut back to ringside as "We Are The Champions" by Queen hits the speakers. The fans go nuts as the new Tag Team champions TLS and Mike Zybala walk out from the back. TLS is making his way down the ramp with the belt over his shoulder as Zybala is jumping around like a goober holding his belt high above his head~
Jones: And there are the new champs! They fought hard against two teams who have been pairs of the division for many years and came out on top.
Hood: Thank you Captain Obvious. Though as much as I hate the guy, you gotta admit Zybala deserved…. something… He's been here 5 years and finally won a title.
Jones: That just shows the never say die attitude of the man.
Hood: Plus, Buffalo Bills fans are too stupid to give up hope. Maybe that's why TLS picked him as a partner…
~The pair get to the ring and enter as the music stops. TLS grabs a microphone and is about to start talking but Zybala stops him. He then points to the ceiling and a loud boom can be heard. Hundreds upon hundreds of foam tag title replicas fall from the ceiling into the waiting hands of eager fans. Even through the mask, we can tell TLS looks annoyed. Zybala motions for him to go ahead~
~Suddenly The Boys are Back by Dropkick Murphys starts to begin before the dreaded RECORD SCRATCH hits. The snarky voices of the Dravers Twins saying ‘there’s no need for that anymore!’ sours the mood of everyone watching. And then Bad Guy by Eminem kicks in and the Dravers’ march their way out onto the stage both sarcastically clapping~
Nathan: Ladies and Gentlemen! Give it up for Mikey Z! Finally learning what it is to be a champion in OCW!
Jonathan: See….while that’s great and all…there’s a problem. You did it at our expense. And we don’t like someone winning over us at our expense.
Nathan: So we want a title shot.
~Zybala starts chuckling and pats TLS on the shoulder as he points at The Dravers’. Zybala leans over to talk into TLS's microphone~
Zybala: I'm sorry boys, but isn't people winning over your expense kinda what you're good at?
~Nathan starts to rage at Zybala but Jonathan puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder and smirks~
Jonathan: Cute. Cute. You would say that now that you’ve become a champion after how long was it? Five years? Really? Well, we know one thing for certain….our SUPERKICKS are better than your shitty one! Look, we’re not asking for a title shot…..we’re demanding one. Welsh! Get the fuck out here and make this right!
Zybala: Yeah, Marcus! You make it right by telling them who has the better SUPERKICK! You tell them the difference between ones that had as much effect on Alice Knight as a stiff breeze, and the one that knocked their asses out cold AND out of the title picture!
~There is no Welsh. He seems to be indisposed at the moment. Instead, the OCW Tron lights up and we see CAP SLOCK! He clears his throat...it rapes the ears of everyone in attendance. He clears his throat and apologizes before continuing~
Cap Slock: UNFORTUNATELY OUR GREAT AND FEARLESS LEADER COULD NOT BE PRESENT AT THE MOMENT. HE’S BUSY TAKING CARE OF HIS MENTAL HEALTH.
~Zybala looks at TLS. The Dravers scoff, “MENTAL HEALTH? THIS IS OCW!”~
Cap Slock: THANKFULLY HE, AS ALWAYS, WAS PREPARED FOR THIS. TMZ, HE HAS YOU GUYS BOOKED IN A TAG TITLE MATCH FOR NEXT WEEK.
~The crowd goes wild. Nathan and Jonathan nod along, “Finally. Justice.”~
Cap Slock: TMZ WILL BE DEFENDING THEIR TAG TITLES NEXT WEEK AGAINST...TMZ!!!!
~Mass confusion. TMZ? WTF? So many acronyms! The Dravers can’t believe it. Who the fuck is TMZ?!~
Cap Slock: FOR THOSE OF YOU CURIOUS, THE OTHER TMZ STANDS FOR ‘TOO MUCH ZEUS.’ IT SEEMS OUR GM WAS SO IMPRESSED BY ZEUS’ WIN EARLIER TONIGHT THAT HE GRANTED ZEUS AND HIS PARTNER, ZEUS A TAG TITLE MATCH NEXT WEEK AGAINST MIKE ZYBALA AND THE LOST STRANGER!
~The fans can only laugh. Zybala pats TLS on the shoulder, he’s very excited about this amazing match. The Dravers storm around the ring~
Cap Slock: AND ONE MORE THING OUR BRAVE AND FEARLESS LEADER MARCUS WELSH HAS STATED THAT IF ZYBALA AND TLS ARE VICTORIOUS IN AN IMPRESSIVE FASHION THEN HE WILL HAVE A VERY SPECIAL SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THEM REGARDING BIG GAME HUNTING. THAT IS ALL.
~Cap Slock’s feed cuts. The crowd murmurs over this SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT. Zybala wonders what it could be. TLS just stands there...is he wearing a curious expression? We don’t know. Suddenly, Zybala senses something. He pushes TLS out of the way and gets in the SUPERKICK position!! The Dravers are in position to throw their superkicks...it’s a SUPERKICK standoff~
Jones: The Dravers are livid!
Hood: And why shouldn’t they be? Welsh just gave mother fucking ZEUS a Tag Title match OVER them!
Jones: Hey, it’s his decision. He’s the boss.
Hood: He’s clearly OUT of HIS MIND! I’m not sure we have a leader right now, to be honest.
~TLS stands next to Zybala with his tag belt in position to act as a weapon. The Dravers sneer and back up. They point at TLS and Zybala, “This isn’t over!” “Those belts are OURS!” they threaten, exiting the ring. Zybala and TLS remain in the ring, watching and wary until the Dravers are gone~
Jones: TMZ! Zybala and The Lost Stranger are the OCW Tag Team Champions and they will defend those belts NEXT WEEK against TOO MUCH ZEUS!
Hood: What a fuckin joke. I hope those Dravers get their rematch.
Jones: I think it’s pretty clear they aren’t going away until they do.
~In the backstage area, Bifford is standing holding a microphone like he’s about to do an interview. He walks up to The Lost Soul, who is standing there, looking irritated.~
BIfford: The Lost Soul.. remember that I have your soul? How’s it going buddy?
~The Lost Soul doesn’t answer.~
Bifford: I’ve got some questions for you, ol’ buddy.. What do you think of Alice Knight challenging me for the OCW Title?
~The Lost Soul says nothing.~
Bifford: Our viewers who are hard of hearing might have missed that, but TLS said that Alice Knight has NO CHANCE and should GO BACK TO THE MIDCARD where SHE BELONGS.
~The Lost Soul doesn’t react.~
Bifford: Next question.. what do you think about Dangerous Dan?
~The Lost Soul doesn’t respond.~
Bifford: Yeah he’s the best, though he’s terrified of Plethora.. I agree. Now one more question.. what do you think about PLETHORA THE PERILOUS!?
~No response.~
Bifford: For those of you who couldn’t hear, The Lost Soul says Plethora is the only wrestler he fears more than The Big Bifford. TLS said he will never agree to fight Plethora for he fears for his existence.
~TLS just stands there.~
Bifford: Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.. here’s some of your soul..
~Kenny walks up and hands Bifford a small container of toilet bowl cleaner. Bifford leans down and sets it on the ground next to TLS and walks away. As the camera pans with Bifford, it becomes clear that it was actually a cardboard cutout of The Lost Soul that Bifford was talking to.~
Jones: Well there’s about 4 minutes we will never get back..
Hood: You would have just wasted it anyway.
Bob Grenier/JAM G (0-0) vs. Tornado Alley (0-0)
~Vortex and Debris are in the ring. Vortex spins around, arms outstretched while Debris follows him, dropping trash in the ring. Belvedere watches the act, as he always does, for as long as he can before he gets too dizzy and/or nauseous. Clearing his throat, he introduces the wacky duo~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team match and it is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Tornado Alley...Vortex and Debris...they are...well, ya know, TORNADO ALLEY!
~Scruff kicks all the trash out of the ring once Debris is all out. Vortex and Debris throw their arms in the air to an extremely minimal reaction~
Belvedere: And, their opponents…
~WHERE THE HOOD AT begins to play. A song synonymous with OCW legend, Bob Grenier. But, this time he’s not alone...this time he’s got JAM G by his side. JAM G looks around, a little in awe of the moment...Bob slaps him on the back, causing JAM to nearly fall to the ground. But, he maintains his footing and heads down the ramp with Bob at his side~
Belvedere: At a total combined weight of 377lbs...the team of Bob Grenier and JAM G!!!!
~The strange duo hit the ring. Belvedere exits. Scruff remains. The bell sounds. Before the match can get underway, "Dream Weaver" hitsbthe speakers and Mike Zybala walks outs with the tag title around his waist. The fans cheer as he makes his way to the announce table and joins Hood and Jones. ~
Jones: Not only are we getting our first look at the team of Bob Grenier and JAM G, but we are joined by one half of the new Tag Team champions, Mike Zybala!
Zybala: Good to be here new Smith. Hood, always a pleasure.
Hood: Hah! New Smith. Anyways, Bob needs wins, man. He needs to get back on the left side of that ledger.
Jones: Is JAM G the spark to reignite the winning engine?
Hood: I mean, it seems like there’d be no chance in hell but, stranger things have happened. CLASSIC OCW, BABY
Zybala: Plus, JAM G brings that Outsider X Factor to the match. As OCW tag champion, I think shaking it up with JAM G is exactly what Bob needs.
~Grenier is going to start things off for his team. As is Vortex. Vortex runs at Grenier, spinning...he tries to land a tornado punch into Grenier’s face, but Bob just catches his arm with his right hand. He looks at Vortex’s hand and slings it backward, sending Vortex to the mat. Grenier runs up and he boots Vortex in the head, flattening him out. He then turns and eyes JAM G~
Jones: Well, Bob’s got Vortex pretty much ready for slaughter.
Hood: Yes, so tag the idiot in.
Jones: I’m sure he wants to build JAM’s confidence up, Hood. If they’re going to make a serious run, JAM G has to be more than JUST ANOTHER MASKED GUY.
Hood: I think that might be asking too much.
Zybala: As the paragon of tag team wrestling, I feel like Bob should give JAM G a chance in the ring. Quick tags and allowing yourself to rest is a key to success in tag matches.
~Bob walks over and he TAGS JAM G into the match. “Finish him!” Bob commands. JAM G awkwardly steps through the ropes and tentatively approaches Vortex. Grenier, on the apron, shakes his head “DO SOMETHING!” JAM G dives on top of Vortex for the pin~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!
Jones: Vortex kicked out!
Hood: JAM G is gonna fuck around and lose this.
Jones: That’d be...well, that’d be regrettable.
Zybala: If he wants to be in the hunt for MY tag team title, JAM G needs to be more aggressive. A well placed SUPERKICK would have done the job.
~JAM G struggles to his feet, in the background we see Bob throw his arms into the air. Vortex gets to one knee. JAM G throws a weak ass boot at Vortex...Vortex catches his leg and he drops JAM G to the mat with a clothesline!! Grenier yells, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” Vortex turns around and he crawls into his corner, tagging Debris. Debris rushes in, pulling JAM G to his feet and whipping him into a corner. Debris runs in with a splash and follows that up with some right hands~
Jones: JAM G is in trouble, Hood!
Hood: Well, better to find out now than, well...never mind, there’s no silver lining to this shit.
Zybala: As the face of the tag team division, I disagree Hood. You never consider so.eone done until the 3 count.
Hood: Are you just gonna give obvious statements the whole match?
Zybala: As champion, I feel I can call a match however I want.
~Bob yells from their corner. He threatens JAM G. “So help me, if you fuck this up…” Debris rears back for an overreaching right hand...but JAM G moves!! Debris’ hand slams into the top buckle!! He stumbles back, holding his fist in pain. JAM G drives a knee into his back. He turns Debris around and hoists him up onto the top buckle~
Jones: JAM G is fighting back!
Hood: I guess all those dreams he had of being a star were beginning to fade. Lit a fire under his ass.
Jones: Now he’s going to try to hit Debris with his finisher...Chula Vista Dirt Bomb!
Hood: Damn, I was hoping it’d be Just Another Man’s Finisher.
Zybala: It originally was when he first joined Outsiders, but Dean convinced him to pick a new name.
~JAM G climbs onto the top with Debris and he tries to get him onto his shoulders for a top rope Death Valley Driver. But it’s a struggle. It’s clear JAM G thought this move up but never practiced it. Grenier yells, “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, JUST WIN THE DAMN MATCH!” JAM G abandons the move and he takes Debris over from the top to the mat with a top rope SMALL PACKAGE!! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here are your winners...BOB GRENIER & JAM G!!!!!
Jones: JAM G did it! He won the match!
Hood: Whew, it’s gonna be a long, hard road for those two.
Jones: Yea, but JAM G is learning. He’s improving. That’s a good sign.
Zybala: But what a move! As the current reigning, defending, undisputed tag team champions, I think TLS and I need to watch out for that Avalanche Small Package.
~Bob enters the ring and sprints across it, smacking Vortex with a fist, sending him flying off the apron. He then pulls JAM G off the mat and raises his hand...he stares down at him, like “That was fuckin rough” but, they won~
Jones: Bob Grenier back on the winning side of things with JAM G as his partner.
Hood: The tag division is a little wonky right now. Zybala here is a champion. So, who the fuck knows, JAM G might just be the elixir Bob needs.
Jones: Stranger things have happened.
Zybala: True that. Well guys, it's been fun, but the champ is out.
~ After the banger that was Jam G/Bob Grenier versus Tornado Alley, we find ourselves backstage in the private dressing room of the Cowgirls From Hell. Meghan is nowhere to be seen as she is with Veronica somewhere but our OCW Craze Champion. She sits on a black leather couch, dark green leather pants, snakeskin cowgirl boots, a white CFH Hoodie (available at the OCW online store) and her Craze title belt over her left shoulder, slightly concealing the sling her arm is in.~
KNOCK KNOCK
Tamika Strader: Come in!
~The door opens and Who’re makes her way into the locker room and Tamika gets up to welcome her in.~
Tamika Strader: Who’re! How’s it going? Any white corpsey things crawling out the throat?
~She visibly shudders and shakes her head.~
Who’re: No, thank god. Anyway, are you free for an interview?
Tamika Strader: For you? Of course. Come, sit down.
~Tamika takes a seat on our left and Who’re on the right. She smiles for the camera and Craze Champion.~
Who’re: So first off, congratulations on successfully defending the OCW Craze Championship against Your Hero, and Mine, Mark Storm.
~ Tamika smiles and nods.~
Tamika Strader: Thank you, it was one hell of a match. I didn’t go in expecting a cakewalk, Storm is an extremely talented individual but I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect my body to feel this way after.
Who’re: How is your shoulder? From the shoulder breaker to spearing Storm out of the air from the vine, and having it pulled out of its socket it didn’t look good at all. How far are you from 100%?
~Tamika raises her brow, pursing her lips in thought.~
Tamika Strader: Well, it’s pretty damn sore, and I’ll need to have this sling for another week but I should be at least at 90% when I step into the ring next week against Mad Max.
Who’re: Now we all know that traditionally you are normally just a tag team wrestler. How are you finding the singles division in OCW?
Tamika Strader: the previous fifteen, sixteen years if you had told me I would become OCW’s Craze Champion I would’ve called you crazy but here, a successful defence showing that I’m not some paper champion or by chance champion. I plan to hold onto this baby for as long as I can.
Who’re: Inspired by the woman I signed before I was removed *cough fired cough* as General Manager?
Tamika Strader: Oh fo’sho’ yo! Ronnie has done an amazing job as the TransAtlantic Champion. She has single handily made it the second most important title and I know I can raise the status of the Craze championship as well!
Who’re: Up next at Big Game Hunting you face off against…~shuddering~... Sadie Ko. How do you feel about her and your chances?
~Tamika stops for a moment and before she answers the lights go out and we can hear Who’re say “oh please God not again”.~
~After several long moments of darkness, the lights flicker back on and we see the room is normal. There are no ghosts, no goblins, no creepies or crawlies. It appears it was just a result of faulty lighting, or maybe a bulb is dying and needs to be replaced. Perfectly normal, completely mundane.~
Tamika: Honestly? I always like my chances. Like Veronica, because it’s the same family duhh, I come from a long line of—
~Tamika is interrupted mid-sentence by a sudden crash and the lights going crazy. One of the lightbulbs has somehow unscrewed itself from a fixture, and has smashed into the dressing room vanity mirror like a fastball at 90 MPH. The impact is so violent that shards of broken jagged glass fall long after the initial impact and shatter against the counter.~
Hood: Oh man, it’s happening again isn’t it?
Jones: (From under commentary desk) No idea what you are talking about.
~When the camera pans up to look, there is a little vent for the air conditioner in the ceiling, and behind the grates there is only darkness. But the vent suddenly slams shut when the digital eye of the camera gets close, cutting off the AC and creating an implication. Was there something up there? Did something intentionally do that?~
Who’re: What the hell hap-*coughing and gagging, she reaches up to her mouth and pulls out strands of long, black stringy hair, her eyes widening in surprise and terror, and dry heaving as a psychosomatic reaction to what is clearly an invasion*
~We cut back to ringside to a disturbed looking Hood and Jones pokes his head out from the desk cautiously scanning the area.~
Jones: Does she not freak you out, Hood?
Hood: When you have to deal with Alice Knight over the years you become desensitized to the horror that is life, Smith.
Jones: I don’t know, she gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Hood: You know what is really scary? Being the hooker that has to lift Bifford’s stomach—-
Jones: And with that we will be right back after a message from our sponsors! Hood, what is wrong with you?
~The mariachi band is set up in the back again. This time they are gathered around the corpse of the cow that Bifford tipped that apparently died. Or its just unconscious. It’s not clear. But the mariachis have gathered around it.~
Jones: This is sick..
~Bifford walks out in front of the mariachis.~
Hood: Please more rapping.. please..
~Bifford begins to dance and the mariachis begin to play and as though he could hear Hood’s request, BIfford starts rapping.~
Bifford: This cow is dead, my name ain’t Fred,
~The mariachis come to a dramatic finish as Bifford’s rap finishes.~
Hood: STANDING OVATION!
Jones: Shut up.. Maybe Bifford should worry more about his match tonight.
Hood: Bifford isn’t wrestling tonight.
I got a knuckle of lead, lets put it to bed,
Dangerous Dan, he’s scared, but a hell of a guy,
Alice Knight is about to fry,
Then my attention will go to the Brim,
He’s a big ox of a man, but he’s damn dim,
I’ll pin him like I pinned Duce and Dad,
1,2,3,4 - each time made Duce real sad.
I’ll pin Brim like I pinned Mario the loser,
That dude’s Eiffel Tower schtick was a snoozer.
I’ll pin Brim like I pinned Lurrr with all his Rs,
Then I’ll go celebrate at the local bars.
I love it here in Djibouti - that much is true,
Brim will learn to be scared of me, Alice too.
Sadie Ko (7-0) vs. Mike Mason (0-1)
~The night rolls on with in-ring action! We’re nearing THE BIG ONE...yes, the battle for the OCW Championship. However, don’t sleep on what’s coming up next...something tells me it’s got a good chance of surprising. Belvedere stands in the ring, ready to do his thing~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall!! Introducing first…
~"Power" by Kanye West begins to play over the PA and the crowd instantly begins to boo. As the words "I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man" play, a spot light shines on the entrance way revealing the Marvelous One. His back is to the crowd, and his arms are spread out wide revealing the rhinestones words "Simply Marvelous" on the back of the robe~
~The Marvelous One spins around with a huge and cocky smile on his face. The light bounces off of his sequined and rhinestone white ring rob, with purple and blue designs on it. The darkness is replaced with a soft purple glow, but the spotlight stays on The Mecca of Manhood~
~The Marvelous One struts to the ring, walking slowly, taking his time and allowing everyone to view him. He climbs the ring stairs and instructs the referee to hold the ropes open for him~
~Scruff holds the ropes open and the Marvelous One steps through and wins around in a 360 to the middle of the ring. He unties his robe, and removes it slowly, handing it to Scruff~
~The Marvelous One hits a front double bicep in the center of the spotlight as the music fades out~
Belvedere: From Miami, Florida...standing 6’3 and weighing in at 245lbs...he is the Mecca of Manhood...please welcome Marvelous Mike Mason!!!
Jones: Mike Mason back into the ring...I’m told he’s working on transitioning from what some might call an ‘enhancement’ talent into a legit contender.
Hood: He’s gonna need all those muscles and something extra if he wants to achieve success tonight.
Jones: Yep.
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~The lights slowly flicker and die, and the arena mostly goes black even as various lights still try to fight and remain on, it seems some force is preventing them. The titantron screen suddenly flickers to grainy black and white footage, showing a variety of images~
~A facedown view of a woman's hand placing itself on a cutting board, a kitchen knife soon coming into focus~
~A very dusty, abandoned wrestling ring, the ropes undone and laying limply and pathetically. Inside the squared circle, is a circle of white salt. Suddenly, some force seems to cut through the salt, breaking the sacred circle even as the sound of a knife cutting through flesh and chopping into a cutting board can be heard~
~A shot of a cloudy overcast sky, even as a murder of crows fly frantically in a circle. On a closer inspection, the crows are flying backwards~
~The screen goes completely black, and the lights don't try to flicker, instead the entire erena is pitch black. Until a few seconds later, because suddenly we're seeing grainy film of a long narrow, black hallway. There is a figure in the distance, crawling toward the camera with her hair in her face. Suddenly she's miles away, writhing on the floor. Suddenly she's walking again, closer than before and staggering with hurried steps toward us. Another cut, and now when she comes back she's crawling toward us, and is right next to the titantron. She puts a hand on the camera screen, and a pale white hand pushes out into the world itself. The form of Sadie Ko crawls through into our reality, free falling and hitting the metal ramp hard enough for a dull dead 'THUD' to ring out through the arena. And as if nothing happened, she rises slowly to her feet as heavy breathing fills and floods the PA system. It gets louder and louder and becomes the droning of horrible noise, until finally the droning wailing guitar of 'Blackbirds Fall' fills the sound system~
VIDEO
~With that, the lights flicker back on before dying and flickering back intermittently. Sometimes they are bright yellow, sometimes purple, sometimes blood red or blinding white, and they don't stop until Sadie finally gets to the ring, and crawls over the bottom rope like a spider, and rising to her feet in the middle of that sacred squared circle. Sadie Ko is ready to fight!~
Belvedere: From Weston State Hospital, West Virginia, standing 6’1 and weighing in at 192lbs...she is the #1 Contender to the Craze Championship...she is...Sadie Ko!!!
Jones: And there she is...the Newcomer of the Month for April, Sadie Ko.
Hood: She’s yet to be pinned or submitted.
Jones: Her only blemish, if you can even call it that, was via Easton Alexander pulling her into the ocean causing her to be eliminated from a Battle Royale.
~Belvedere ain’t gonna stay in that ring any longer than he has to with Sadie. He’s out. Scruff motions for the bell and it rings. We’re underway!~
Jones: The odds makers have Sadie as a sizable favorite tonight.
Hood: Yea, I don’t think many people took Mason seriously when the match was announced but...sounds like he came ready to compete.
Jones: We’re about to find out.
~Mason stares at Sadie from his corner. She hasn’t moved from the center of the ring. Suddenly, out of the crowd, a stray soccer ball flies and hits Mason in the head. He turns, pissed off. He yells something about how lame soccer is and only third world countries play it because they are fuckin broke. He then turns back around to a horrible sight...Sadie is right in his face. She reaches up with both hands and tries to rip his mouth open. Mason stumbles into his corner, his eyes wide with shock and panic~
Jones: Sadie’s right up on top of Mike Mason!
Hood: She’s trying to give him the WHORE treatment.
Jones: That soccer ball diverted his attention.
Hood: Fuckin soccer. IT RUINS EVERYTHING
~Mason’s huge muscles do everything they can to get Sadie off. She’s freakishly strong, a fact every one of her competitor underestimates before it’s too late. Mason yells out, finally able to pry her arms free from his face! He slings her back to the mat, she tumbles recklessly atop the mat before coming to rest in the center of the ring. Mason backs up, rubbing his jaw and working his mouth back and forth. He then charges forward and leaps into the air for a splash...but, when he comes down...she’s gone! He lands on all fours and in a slightly panicked state feels around the mat for Sadie. “THE HELL DID SHE GO?” he asks Scruff. Scruff responds by pulling out his VAPE pen and taking a long drag while staring stressfully at the mat~
Jones: Okay, Mason managed to get her off him but now...now she’s gone.
Hood: Did she abandon the match? Did he kill Sadie?
Jones: Much like the final battle in Ghostbusters. I don’t think it’s THAT easy, Hood.
Hood: Are you saying Sadie is GOZER THE GOZARIAN?
Jones: Is that even how it’s spelled?
Hood: Fuck off, I’m not looking that shit up.
~Mason is back on his feet in a flash, showing the explosiveness that made him a badass on the gridiron. Something catches his peripheral, he turns, staring in that direction. A scream from the other side of the ring, Mason spins around in that direction but still, nothing. The fans in Djibouti become unsettled. A few more screams...terror filled whispers...an overall sense of the macabre dangling above them all. And then, Mason feels it. Slowly, he turns...gasps escaping the mouths of all those in attendance. And there, standing in the corner opposite of him is Sadie, her one exposed eye burrowing into Mason’s confidence. “I don’t know what the fuck you are, but I won’t back down,” he says, raising his fists and slowly heading her way~
Jones: I honestly don’t know how someone prepares to face Sadie. It’s impossible.
Hood: I’d recommend they watch Ghost Hunters but, if we’re being honest, the people on that show have no idea what an actual ghost looks like.
Jones: Truth.
~Mason, to his credit, is showing balls the size of his bulging biceps. He nears Sadie and he takes a breath before reaching out to grab her...but she quickly and statically evades Mason’s grip before standing at his side and blasting him with a forearm shot to the side of the head!! Mason stumbles roughly into the ropes. He turns around, facing her, only to eat a Double Axe Handle in the forehead. The power of the two blows are nearly enough to send him outside the ring...but he manages to remain standing. Sadie goes from motionless to attacking quicker than the human eye is capable of capturing. Boom, she hits him with a throat thrust followed by an eye rake. Mason senses defeat on the horizon, he’s got to do something. His instincts from all his football training kick in as he bullies forward, a shoulder into Sadie, trying to punish her into a corner while his vision remains blurred. But, Sadie immediately grabs his head and she stuns everyone watching by tossing him over with a Snap Suplex into the corner Mason was driving toward!! Mason hits HARD and he falls to the mat, on his shoulders...he’s upside down, his legs leaning against the turnbuckles. Sadie slowly bends and breaks to the ground, keeping her eye on Mason~
Jones: Unbelievable...did you see how she just tossed him over?
Hood: Fuckin unreal, man. I mean, isn’t Mason supposed to have the size and strength advantage?
Jones: That’s what modern physics and, well, our living reality would lead us to believe. But I’m not sure Sadie exists within our ‘living reality’.
~Mason slowly opens his eyes, beginning to wake from the impact of the snap suplex. As he does, he sees Sadie’s eye staring right into him from the most unnatural of angles. Mason blurts, “SHIT” and he scrambles, getting himself right side up, on all fours. He’s face to face with Sadie...Sadie starts to rise...you get the sense something terrible is about to happen...but Mike bails. He back slides out of the ring, to the outside. He spins around and sees the soccer ball from earlier...he picks it up, places it between both hands and he CRUSHES it. He slings the deflated rubber to the ground and paces, nervously~
Jones: Mason is frustrated and probably a little afraid. Definitely unnerved.
Hood: Whoa. He sealed a national championship by snagging a pick six. The dude was a white linebacker for the University of MIAMI. And not that shitty school in Ohio. THE HURRICANES. He ain’t afraid of nothing!
Jones: Nice double negative. Okay, then, we’ll go with frustrated.
~Mason places his hands atop his hips and looks slowly back into the ring at Sadie, who remains down, on all fours, glitching here and there, keeping her eye on him. Mason sighs...he’s got two choices...he can leave and demand a booking against a more ‘normal’ opponent. Or, he can enter the ring and give it his best shot. He’s never run from a fight...he’s not gonna start now. He rushes toward the ring, diving in under the bottom rope. He pops to his feet but Sadie is already there. Sadie blasts him with another forearm, sending the Mecca of Manhood into the ropes. She whips him off, but Mason reverses...Mason wraps his hulking arms around Sadie’s cold, thin body and he lifts her up at a sharp angle before bringing her down with a Belly-to-Belly!!! Mike immediately pops to his feet and stumbles back into a corner, half expecting Sadie to be on the offensive. But, nothing happens...he looks down and sees her on the mat, motionless~
Jones: Mason with some offense! He’s got Sadie down!
Hood: Is she dead? Taking a nap? Is her kryptonite a belly to belly?
Jones: I honestly have no clue. But, if I were Mason, I’d proceed with caution.
~Mason inches forward, nearing Sadie’s body. He slowly bends down and reaches for her stringy, wiry, almost wet hair. It’s cold and slick. He grabs it and makes an ‘eww’ face. But he remains on high alert. He pulls her from the mat and instantly scoops her onto his shoulder. He hurries into a corner before charging forward and SLAMMING her into the mat with a Running Power Slam!!! Again, he sprouts to his feet as quick as he can, fists up...but, she remains down~
Jones: Typically, Mason would go for a cover here or continue his offensive assault.
Hood: It’s almost like she’s in ‘resting bitch’ mode.
Jones: Hey, there’s no evidence that she’s a bitch, Hood.
Hood: Sorry, just the way my vernacular works.
~Mason stares down at Sadie...the fear has vanished. The trepidation is nearly gone. He’s growing increasingly comfortable. He drops a knee into Sadie’s head. He pops back to his feet...she remains down. He shrugs and he lifts his arm, jumping into the air and bringing an elbow down across Sadie. Again, he’s quick to his feet…and, again, she remains down. Mason looks at the hard cam and shrugs, a smug expression returning to his face~
Jones: Mason’s previous demeanor is returning. That confidence is regenerating.
Hood: Fuck yea. Mecca of Manhood has busted the ghost!
Jones: Ehh, I wouldn’t be so quick to announce Sadie’s demise.
Hood: What are you, some kinda ghost lover?
~Mason winks into the camera...the women in the crowd feel something tingling below the waist. He rips Sadie from the mat and hooks her head...he spins around...he’s in position for a neckbreaker. He stalls...he jiggles his pecs for the crowd before dropping to the mat with a stalling neckbreaker. Mason sits up and arrogantly wipes his hands together. He pops back to his feet...he pulls Sadie up, he hooks her head and he hoists her high into the air with a Stalling Vertical Suplex. Mason marches around the ring...he takes his free hand and he starts to flex and pose in front of the hard camera with Sadie remaining vertical~
Jones: The Marvelous One is feeling like himself!
Hood: Look at this guy...a true showman! This guy is what OCW is all about. We don’t need spooky kooky fuckin ghosts.
~Mason ceases the flexing and he falls back SLAMMING Sadie’s body into the mat. A HUGE thud!!! He kips up to his feet and does a flex for the camera with Sadie’s body laying behind him. He runs his fingers through his hair, slinging the sweat at the mat. He stands back upright and turns, looking down at Sadie. He looks up, holding his hands together and he makes the ‘break’ motion, like he’s gonna break her in half. He pulls her off the mat, spins her around and locks in a FULL NELSON~
Jones: Mike Mason has Sadie locked in The Muscle Lock!
Hood: Ya know, we gotta get this guy in the ring with Mario Maurako.
Jones: He’s very, very much like a young Maurako. No doubt about that.
~Mason has it locked in deep. He shakes and thrashes Sadie around, trying to get a tap out. He looks at Scruff...Scruff leans in to check on Sadie. “Check her!” Mason demands. But, Scruff doesn’t really wanna touch Sadie. So, he leans back and does what’s in his nature when a difficult situation arises – nothing. Mason is like, ‘fuckin useless.’ So, he continues to ragdoll Sadie, under the impression he’s ripping her ligaments and muscles apart. Mason finally hoists Sadie up~
Jones: Mason looking for a Full Nelson Slam!
Hood: BOOM! Pin that bitch!
~He’s got her up high...when, suddenly, her eye catches the camera. It opens and focuses in unsettling fashion. Mason is unaware, he yells out, “Oh yea! Down you go!” But, Sadie instantly flips over in a way that should snap her shoulders off her body. But, it works and she breaks free from Mason’s grip and drops down behind him. Mason stares at his hands like ‘what the ever loving fuck?!’ Sadie lunges forward and she hooks Mason in THE GRUDGE!! Mason’s eyes widen with panic as pain courses through his body~
Jones: Sadie has reanimated! She’s got Mike Mason in bad shape!
Hood: Fuckin hell!
Jones: She’s gonna try to break his neck!
~Much like we saw with Easton a few weeks prior, Sadie pulls Mason’s neck toward her, trying to make eye contact and, quite possibly, snap his neck. Mason does his best to resist...his neck is huge...bigger and more muscular than most grown men’s thighs. He lets out a “arrrrghhhhh!!!” as Sadie has his neck halfway turned. He suddenly BREAKS his neck free from her grip. He then lets out a guttural yell as he tosses Sadie off his back and onto the mat!!! The crowd pops. Sadie is on one knee, eyeing him from the center of the ring. Mason rubs his neck like, “That bitch just tried to kill him!” He runs forward~
Jones: Mike Mason is no longer afraid. He’s no longer arrogant. He’s in there fighting for survival.
Hood: And he’s got Sadie’s full attention.
~Sadie rises. Mike throws a huge lariat...but Sadie leans back, bending her spine in a manner it shouldn’t bend. Mason stumbles forward. He turns around. Sadie’s bend backwards, staring at him. Mason frowns, disgusted...he runs ahead with a boot into Sadie’s face, but she flips over, avoiding the impact. Again, Mike is forced to spin around to find her...when he does, she’s standing right in front of him. She reaches for his face, but he dodges her grip. He grabs her by the throat, he lifts her up, but she breaks free, standing behind him. He spins around and she shoves her hand into his mouth with a Mandible Claw!!! Mason’s eyes widen...he tries to break free~
Jones: Oiwa's Lantern!!
Hood: I’m not sure what that means...all I know is she’s got her hand in his fuckin mouth.
~Mason stumbles around. His oxygen has been cut off...he’s being choked. He tries to break her arm at the elbow, but it won’t relent. He tosses his leg back, looking to bring it forward with a boot into the gut...but Sadie thrusts forward with all her might and she sends Mike down to the mat, the back of his head SLAMMING into the mat!!! He goes limp. Scruff drops to the mat...Mike’s shoulders are down. Sadie’s hand remains in his mouth...Scruff sees the lifelessness in Mike’s body and his face. He immediately calls for the bell~
Jones: Scruff just called the match!
Hood: Fuckin hell!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner via ref stoppage...SADIE KO!!!!!
Jones: This is exactly how Easton lost!
Hood: I think Scruff realizes these dudes are done and, instead of waiting for them to get seriously hurt, he puts them out of their misery.
Jones: It certainly leaves something up for debate, though. Mason looked finished, but a three count would have been definitive.
Hood: Well, blame Scruff. The unexpected humanitarian of OCW in 2022.
~Scruff stands, his eyes wide...shaken, once again by what he’s seen from Sadie. He realizes he needs to raise her hand, so he turns his focus back to the mat to do so but...she’s gone. He stumbles back, falling to the mat~
Jones: And, just like that, she’s gone.
Hood: Hit it and quit it.
~Scruff is seated on the mat, eyes wide with anxiety...next to him is Mason, who is coughing, slowly rolling onto his side, hawking shit up so he can get some air back into his body~
Jones: Sadie Ko continues to dominate and disturb. If I were Tamika Strader, I’d be very, very concerned.
Hood: She might wanna vacate that title. Just hand it over.
Jones: She’s a Strader, Hood. Straders fight. She’ll be ready.
Hood: I know it may not count for much at this point but props to Mike Mason.
Jones: I think it’s clear Mason is going to be a serious player in OCW. I look for him to bounce back quickly and impressively.
~In the backstage area, a camel stands, with Earl the Popcorn Salesman and Kenny the Intern on each side of it.~
Kenny: Please tell me he’s not tipping this one..
Earl: No.. but it might die.
Kenny: Please tell me he’s not gonna try to ride it.
Earl: No comment..
~Two stage hands walk up beside the camel and set up three trampolines.~
Kenny: No. NO! NO!! Not this..
Earl: You know you can’t stop it.
~Bifford walks up and inspects the camel and then the three trampolines which each increase in side until the largest and tallest trampoline right beside the camel.~
Bifford: this is for you Dangerous Dan. This is for you, Silverfreak. This is for you Duce Jones. This is for you, Lurrr. This for you, Mario. This for you, Brim. This is for you, Alice Knight! ITS GO TIME!
~Kenny shakes his head, objecting, as Bifford walks over to the first trampoline. He jumps on it and then jumps to the second trampoline.~
Jones: If you’re watching this show with children..
~Bifford jumps once on the second trampoline.~
Jones: Get them out of the room! MUTE THE TV!
~Bifford jumps from the second trampoline to the third.~
Jones: CLEAR THE ROOM OF CHILDREN!!
~Bifford leaps from the third trampoline onto the camel. His weight comes down on the camel’s back and the camel’s mouth opens. It lets out a horrible noise as its legs cave in under it and the whole animal collapses like a building being imploded, but with a giant man coming down on top of the rubble.~
Hood: We’re gonna need some extra stagehands backstage for clean up..
~The foreign crowd is rocking for the OCW Talent tonight with an excellent card and a can’t miss main event. Not sure what to expect the fans eagerly await for the next part of the show as the heavy riff of “Resist and Disorder” begins to play and the fans are on their feet.~
Jones: Our TransAtlantic Champion, Veronica Strader, has kept her word and is here tonight!
Hood: Those goddamn Straders, Smith.
~Veronica comes strutting out from behind the curtain, black shitkickers, purple jeans, an Outcast t-Shirt (fitted) and her TransAtlantic championship around her waist. She stops at the top of the ramp, unclasps her belt, and thrusts high in the air with the fans reacting with a huge pop for the OCW Trendsetter.~
Jones: The fans approve!
Hood: Fans are also stupid.
~She descends down to the ring, all smiles carrying her title in her left hand. She walks up the steps, wipes her boots before she ducks under the top rope. She shakes Belvedere’s hand and he hands her his microphone as she throws the belt over her right shoulder, holding it in place with her right hand. Her music dies down.~
Veronica: Oh my OCW Faithful how I have missed you all so much!
~She gets her cheap pop but somehow hears Hood roll his eyes (damn audible eye rolls) so she shoots him a glance and he pretends he didn’t notice.~
Veronica: you know when I came to this company back in September I was barely able to get my feet wet before the Great Purge happened. Well, less than a week later I donned a Guy Fawkes mask awaiting my time to reveal myself. Come Death March where I damn near put Fuckin’ Wendy and Whisper Mendoza in a early grave I became the TransAtlantic champion. Now for the Exception of the Great Illuminatus at Carpe Noctem and I am 148 days into my reign with Dylan Thomas, The Lost Stranger and my Cousin Dearest, Supreme Machine all marked off as successful title defences.
~The crowd cheers.~
Jones: It’s true, she’s the longest reigning TransAtlantic Champion.
Hood: I’ll give her that. That belt bounced around like a hot potato until she caught it. Brought stability to a title not looked at in the best light until recently.
Veronica: Holy Strader is all I can say about Technical Difficulties. Both my aunt and I are proving this family dynasty is not no fluke. The Strader family is Proud and Strong! Speaking of the Proud and the Strong… my King, OCW’s king Outcast… he’s missing.
~The crowd boos and she just nods.~
Jones: Missing? Where could he be? I saw him on the air carrier that got us off that rock.
Hood: Doing what all old dogs do when they get beat, they go lick their junk in private.
Veronica: I assure you all we are looking for him. We will find him. And he will reclaim his OCW Championship.
~She takes a moment before continuing on.~
Veronica: Now, what’s at the forefront of my mind is “who is Veronica going to defeat next in her history-making OCW run” and I am gonna leave that up to the people in the back. So as of this moment right now, I am laying down an open challenge, and whoever accepts gets their shot at me and my championship at BIG GAME HUNTING STRAIGHT OUT DJIBOUTI!
~The fans erupt as Veronica feels the goosebumps creep across her arms.~
Jones: Oh wow! I wonder who will accept the challenge from the champ!
Hood: At this point, they are gonna need heavy equipment to stop her!
~Before she can speak The lights go out as a strobe of red and blue begin flashing across the arena~
"I was born in a thunderstorm
~Dan emerges onto the stage area staring out into the crowd.~
"I wanted everything I never had
~Dan begins making his way towards the ring, embracing the fans, but keeping his emotion in check.~
"I had a one way ticket to a place where all the demons go
~Dan now climbs the steps and heads up to the turnbuckle. He points to the crowd, and lip syncs "I'm still breathing..." from his theme song lyrics.
Dan slowly climbs down the turnbuckle and stands in the middle of the ring, as the lights dim and a spotlight shines on him. He falls to his knees as the lyrics from his song blast over the PA.~
"I'm ALIVE...I'm ALIVE...I'm ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE!"
~The spotlight fades out as Dan stands to his feet and comes to Veronica who is just staring blankly not showing any emotion. He takes the microphone from her hand as she looks down and back at him, expressionless.~
Dangerous Dan: I accept.
~Strader sneers at Dan and ”Resist and Disorder” hit the PA system again as Veronica walks past Dan, their eyes locked onto one another as she steps out of the ring.~
Jones: This is huge, Hood! Veronica Strader will be putting her TransAtlantic Championship on the line against Dangerous Dan of the Danger Boiz!
Hood: Yep, probably pissed about losing the tag team titles and wants to go solo for a bit.
I grew up overnight
I played alone
I played on my own
but I survived"
Like the love that comes with life
I wore envy and I hated it
But I survived"
Where the wind don't change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you're taught to cry in your pillow
But I survived"
~Bifford is walking around backstage naked. People are reacting to it and appear to be sort of fleeing him like he’s Godzilla.~
Bifford: What?! This is how we’re born. This is how we die.
~Kenny and Earl walk up beside Bifford.~
Kenny: You know not everyone dies naked..
Bifford: Why would you die clothed?
Earl: The better question is why are you naked?
Bifford: My clothes were covered in camel blood.. I forget where I put the Plethora robe.
Kenny: Why would YOU need the Plethora robe?
Bifford: Because I have a match?
~Kenny face-palms, obviously frustrated with his boss.~
Jones: I love how inconsistent Bifford is with whether or not he’s Plethora.
Hood: Plethora is a whole different guy.. wears a robe.
-How To Become A 2-Time OCW Champion... For Dummies-
~The scene cuts to backstage where “Marvelous” Mike Mason is squeegee his sweat into a container. Mason runs the squeegee down his chest, ensuring all the sweat goes into a Tupperware container. Wilson is standing behind him with a microphone and looking quite confused. The Mecca of Manhood looks over his shoulder at the meek interviewer.~
MMM: I’m not surprised you can’t keep your eyes off the Bod God, but The Messiah of Muscle doesn’t go out with dudes.
Wilson: What? No, I’m wondering what it is you are doing.
MMM: I bottle my sweat and sell it on the internet. People can’t get enough of me, women bath in it to feel my presence in them, and men drink it to try and get closer to my greatness.
Wilson: That is disgusting.
MMM: You are disgusting you simp.
~Mason leaps from his chair, after placing the Tupperware and squeegee down, as to not spill the nectar of the Bod God. Mason grabs Wilson by his ill-fitting shirt and lifts him up off the ground. Wilson looks terrified as his feet dangle in the air~
Wilson: Hey, hey, hey, come on calm down. You asked for this interview time, so just calm down and just deliver the statement you wanted to make.
MMM: THE STATEMENT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME CLAIMING THE CRAZE TITLE SHOT AT BGH!!!
Wilson: I understand, but with the loss to…
~Before Wilson can finish talking Mason throws him across the room. Wilson lands hard and rolls. Wilson rolls to all fours, but as he dos Mason runs and lands a punting boot to the face of Wilson that bust Wilson’s nose open. Mason continues, grabbing Wilson by the head and pulling him up. Mason throws Wilson face first into the lockers in the room, and Wilson collides with a violent thud and sinks to the ground. Mason grabs Wilson by the hair with one hand and begins punching Wilson with the other hand, deliver four hard straight shots to the face before a team of security swarms in grabbing Mason as the scene fades out~
~In the backstage area, Bifford has set up a wall of Ronco Showtime Modern Rotisserie’s for the home kitchen. He stands, fully clothed again, in front of the wall and points them out.~
Bifford: OCW fans! White Dean has given me permission to use the next few minutes to talk about a heck of a deal we’re running here at Bifford’s Ronco Rotisserie! You can get one of these bad boys for $259. Just call the number below to place your order! You may be put on hold since we’re experiencing a lot of calls right now.
~The camera pans to the side to show both Earl the Popcorn Salesman and Kenny the Intern are on landline phones.~
Bifford: Just call the number below and in addition to the Rotisserie, I will throw in this pairing knife!
~Bifford pulls a pairing knife out of his breast pocket and shows it to the camera. The number 1-900-BIFF-BUY.~
Jones: We’re now running paid advertising on our wrestling show?
Hood: Shh, they’ve got me on hold..
Jones: You’re ordering that thing? It’s $100 cheaper on the Ronco website. AND ITS a 1-900 number, you’re paying a per minute rate to be on hold.
Hood: It’s okay it’s not my cell..
Jones: Where’s my cell? WHAT!? GIVE ME THAT!
Brett Daniels (2-1) vs. CYPHER (1-2)
~The people of Djibouti are free flowing and moving around without any issues. It’s a very liquid crowd, in that respect. What a night it’s been, thus far! OCW back on mainland, doing what it does best...entertaining the masses. A shift starts to take place among the OCW employees and the fans in attendance who are super aware of how this promotion operates. We’re transitioning from one portion of the evening, to another. It’s time for the competition to take a step up~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
~"Midnight rider" by Willie Nelson begins to play as the runner up in last year’s Margarita Mix, Brett Daniels emerges from backstage and makes the walk to the ring, a bottle of Budweiser in his hand. The fans all kinda get into the music, I mean, it is catchy~
Belvedere: From Snake Hill, Texas...standing 6’2 and weighing in at 252lbs...he is the runner up of the 2021 Margarita Mix...he is ‘Cowboy’ Brett Daniels!!!
~Daniels hops up onto the apron, finishes his beer, and tosses it into the crowd. He then steps through the ropes, marching around the ring, ready for combat~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~"Fortune Days" by the Glitch Mob begins to play. The lights in the arena get a little glitchy. A few fans staring at their cellphones start to freak out as they begin to get all wonky, struggling to operate as intended. CYPHER emerges from the back and heads down to the ring~
Belvedere: From Adelaide, Australia...standing 5’9 and weighing in at 225lbs...CYPHER!!!
~CYPHER reaches the ring, he hops onto the apron and slowly enters. Brett Daniels paces back and forth against the ropes, across the ring, eyeing the hacker. CYPHER stares back at Brett, not nearly as wound up as the cowboy. Belvedere exits. We hear the bell sound signaling we’re underway. Brett Daniels tosses his cowboy hat to the ground outside the ring and he marches straight for CYPHER~
Jones: CYPHER returning to the ring fresh off of winning Most Underrated for the month of April.
Hood: Yea, I think some had figured he’d fizzled here in OCW. But, he had a strong showing against Sadie and Easton on the island. Now? Now he’s got a chance to really turn things around.
Jones: Management remains high on the hacker. I’m told they think he has the talent to be a big star...built for a company like OCW.
Hood: Don’t jizz all over yourself just yet. He’s gotta start knocking down some wins, first. Starts tonight against the Cowboy.
~Daniels throws a right hand into CYPHER’s head!! CYPHER stumbles into the ropes. Daniels hits him again and again. CYPHER is reeling. Daniels reaches back to put a little extra TEXAS SAUCE on this next right hand, but CYPHER blocks it!! CYPHER responds with some quick, efficient right hands into the massive jaw of Daniels, sending the Cowboy back pedaling toward the center of the ring. CYPHER delivers a strong uppercut, Daniels stumbles into a corner. CYPHER moves forward with stealth and quickness...he unleashes another right hand that nearly sends Daniels to the mat~
Jones: CYPHER is out punching Brett Daniels!
Hood: Well, that’s not good...if you’re a Cowboy fan.
Jones: I’d heard CYPHER is a better striker than he’s been given credit for...but this is extremely surprising.
Hood: I’m telling you. This guy is legit, man.
~CYPHER grabs a reeling Daniels by the arm and whips him across the ring...but Daniels reverses!!! CYPHER charges into the corner front first...but he grabs the ropes with his arms, avoiding impact. Daniels charges in, CYPHER throws a mule kick right into Brett’s gut. The Cowboy stumbles back, doubling over. CYPHER turns around and SMACKS Daniels across the face with a straight right hand. Brett stands up, staggering...CYPHER chops him across the chest...Daniels leans into the ropes...CYPHER whips him off. Daniels bounces off the ropes...CYPHER throws a roundhouse kick, but Brett ducks!! Brett hits the ropes, he charges forward and he EATS a Spinning Heel Kick from CYPHER!!! Brett slams into the mat, dazed, blinking rapidly, his eyes look lost. CYPHER stands over him~
Jones: CYPHER is just taking it to The Cowboy right now. There’s no other way to describe it.
Hood: Yea, I think Brett saw CYPHER and was like “Fuckin soy boy, I’m gonna beat the crap out of him.” Turns out, soy boy can throw hands.
Jones: Yep.
~Daniels tries to hurry to his feet, realizing he’s got a fight on his hands, but his head is swimming. Swimming in a sea of uncertainty. He stumbles to his feet and throws a wild punch at CYPHER. CYPHER easily evades the strike. Daniels stumbles into the ropes. He spins around and gets caught with a Running Knee Strike!!! The big, strong Cowboy staggers forward, he drops to his knee in the center of the ring, but he’s refusing to go down~
Jones: CYPHER has Brett Daniels reeling here in this penultimate match!
Hood: penis what?
Jones: Second match from the top!
Hood: THEN JUST SAY THAT
~CYPHER stands back, waiting for Daniels to stand. An apex predator stalking it’s wounded, flailing prey. Daniels finally stands, but he’s mentally a million miles away. Suddenly, BAM! He gets smacked in the head with the Toxic Kick (Black Mass) from CYPHER!!!! Daniels goes stiff...he falls forward, toward the mat, but CYPHER catches him~
Jones: CYPHER’s knocked Daniels out on his feet!
Hood: BREAKING NEWS
Jones: What?
Hood: I’ve just received word that CYPHER is now known as CYPH3R...at least on the twitter machine.
Jones: Thank you so much for that intensely important report.
~CYPHER effortlessly hoists Daniels onto his shoulders. Guy’s stronger than he looks! He tosses Daniels up into the air and brings him down, face first into his knee with Game Over (GTS)!!!! Daniels’ body flips back, landing on the mat with a huge thud. CYPHER makes the cover...Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...CYPHER!!!!!
Jones: And CYPHER with a dominating win against Brett Daniels.
Hood: No shit. He walked into that ring and whipped The Cowboy’s ass.
Jones: CYPHER’s attained a new focus in the past few weeks. He’s gone from the chopping block to rising star here in OCW.
Hood: Yep, needs to stay sharp. Feels like everybody and their alcoholic mother want a shot at this guy.
Jones: The enemies are stacking up but, from the looks of things, CYPHER is more than capable of handling the load.
Hood: Nice phrasing.
~ The camera fades backstage and you see Alice Knight sitting in the locker room staring at the wall. The locker room door opens and in walks “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell. Alice does not even turn around to acknowledge him. CJ knows Alice is in the zone tonight for her big match in a few minutes. O’Donnell doesn’t say a word as he doesn’t want to startle her but instead he places a bag next to her. Not just any bag but a Wendy’ bag. ~
CJ O’Donnell: I know you asked for breakfast but I figured this could calm your nerves before your big match.
~Alice finishes taping up her wrists and pulls her knee pads over her tights when she finally notices the Wendy’s bag.~
Alice Knight: You know me so well. But I can’t eat this right now… I can’t afford to have loose poos in the ring tonight. Wait… too much info? Whatever. I’m anxious, nervous… and full of anxious-nerv-osity. Whatever that means…. But always thinking ahead…. I love it…
~Alice stands up facing CJ punching her fists together.~
Alice Knight: So… do I look ready? Do I look like a champion?
CJ O’Donnell: You are ready. You already won. You look better than a champion, you are a Queen. You need to wrestle your match. Do not let Plethora pace the match. Wrestle the match how you want to wrestle it. He will make a mistake or you will see an opening. Trust your instincts Alice, they will not steer you wrong.
~Alice nods as she turns to a wall mirror. And begins punching the air.~
Alice Knight: Yeah… This is my night. Either Plethora has the shortest OCW title reign in … well… OCW history. Or he destroys the Owl once and for all. The latter cannot happen. I won’t allow it… or … a low-OWL it. Get it? I've got this. He is mine. With all his girth and fat.
CJ O’Donnell: Got it but please do not mention girth and Plethora in the same sentence ever again. I had a junior bacon cheeseburger on the way back from Wendy’s and I just had to swallow my vomit a bit. Let’s be honest that fat arse hasn’t seen his dick in years. He probably sits down to piss.
~Alice gently jabs CJ in the arm and rubs his stomach.~
Alice Knight: You ate without me, babe? You’re bad. But yeah… nothing against men who happen to sit when they… pee?. But I’m surprised he doesn't break the toilet.
CJ O’Donnell: Listen it was either or I eat one of my burgers or the twenty piece nuggets are gone. The smell of the fries that’s whatI blame. I’m sure he has broken plenty of toilets in his years. And don’t worry he will not destroy you. I will not let that happen.
~ CJ tries to open the bag of Wendy’s but Alice’s reflexes are quick and she slaps away his hand. CJ smiles at her. ~
Alice Knight: Babe… I don’t need to smell that right now. Hell… we can chow down on whatever we want after this match… and when I bring the OCW belt to our castle… I was thinking a… nahhhhh… well… I don’t know. But would you be interested in a sexy three way? NO! Not with that undefeated skitso Veronica and Victoria Stader. Or the new dark queen Alexandra… but You… me… and the OCW Championship? The ultimate three way? Wouldn’t that be hot? .
~ Alice rubs CJ’s beard and stomach and her own as if she already has the Championship. O’Donnell looks at Knight deep in her eyes. ~
CJ O’Donnell: Sweetheart … let me keep this very simple for you. I don’t care what you want to do. Three way … four way … any way you want it I got you covered. As long as I have you by my side I have everything I need. Nothing else matters. You are why I came back to OCW. I didn’t come back to chase after championships or add accolades to my resume. Whatever I have accomplished inside the ring already speaks volumes. This is my last run. This is it. We make the best out of this run and whatever happens happens.
~Alice smiles, rubbing CJ’s cheeks and gently kisses him on his lips.~
Alice Knight: You’re so sweet. I felt the same way. I did. Until you gave me that thorn rose. And I was changed. I knew I had to change to be at the top of this place. And I want it .. bad. Real bad. I need this belt. I need to be acknowledged as the top of OCW. As it’s one and only Queen. A second reign as champ will do that. I wish it was as simple as you put it. But baby. I don’t get many chances like this. Biff…. Er… Plethora… the sitting pee’er needs to be taken down. And I plan to be the OCW starlet to do it. Tonight. Hoot, baby. Hoot…. Wow it’s almost time.
~Alice rubs her finger over CJ’s tattoos before looking back into the mirror, air punching the room.~
CJ O’Donnell: The thorn on the rose served its purpose then. Life is very simple Alice, you just have to take a minute and enjoy it. Do not rush it. Embrace whatever happens. Don’t worry about what you can not control. Your focus and energy should be on things you can control. Attitude, effort, focus - simple things you can always control. You are a winner no matter what the outcome is. We celebrate. We get stronger. We are ONE!
~Alice is still looking at herself in the mirror. Motioning a belt around her bare stomach. Clearly delusional. In her own mind. She goes to tie her boots up but remains staring at CJ. O’Donnell looks back at his Queen and places his hand on his upper left thigh rubbing it slowly back and forth to comfort her.~
Alice Knight: I am a winner. I am THE winner. Tonight’s winner. That belt is mine. Plethora is going down. I promise you, love, I got this.
~Alice fixes her tank top straps and once again punches the air and cracks her neck. She goes to leave the locker room but not before giving her King a kiss on his left cheek. ~
CJ O’Donnell: I know you do, Alice. Now go to that ring and shine like a star. Give Plethora hell and make him regret the day he challenged you because he thought you were an easy victory. You are a strong woman and tonight the whole world will be HOOTing with you when you raise that OCW Title over your head.
~Alice and CJ bump fists. Alice goes towards the exit and then blows CJ a kiss. Which he ‘catches’. Alice laughs and winks at him before leaving a concerned CJ in the locker room with the delicious smell of Wendy’s.~
~In a locker room backstage, The Big Bifford stands in his boxer shorts. He picks up the Plethora robe and looks like he’s about to put it on when Kenny the Intern walks up.~
Kenny: It felt a lot like the old days today.. all the joking around.. almost no murder.. just fun times..
Bifford: Yeah.. good times.. Classic OCW, baby.
Kenny: You can’t kill her you know..
~Bifford holds the robe and stops putting it on and looks to Kenny~
Bifford: Her? Alice? I’m not gonna kill Alice, I’m just gonna pin her.
~Kenny shakes his head.~
Kenny: Not Alice..
~The two men look uncomfortably at one another.~
Kenny: Your whole origin story you’re telling now.. you can’t kill Kate. Even if you actually killed Kate when you were a teenager.. you can’t tell that story. It’s too dark. Even for us. You’ll make people like.. really sad. Nobody wants that.
Bifford: You may want me to be a liar like Mario or Lurrr or Brim or Alice or TLS and not be me.. but I am me. And I will tell my story.. and at the end of that road is Silverfreak.
Kenny: Bifford.. people love young, happy, in love Bifford.. they don’t want you to kill Kate.
Bifford: There’s only one man who can save her.. Bring me Silverfreak and the story can be stopped.. but as for now, I have other matters to attend to.
~Lifting up the robe, it comes over Bifford like something out of a video game and Bifford ceases to exist. He turns and looks at Kenny with his dead gray eyes that are only visible in the shadows.~
Plethora: I plan to go out there and pin Alice Knight three times.. then Brim.. then Silverfreak will have no choice. He will have to grow a pair and come back and fight me.
~Plethora brushes past Kenny and heads toward the entrance to the arena. Kenny looks a bit shell shocked, as though he thought Bifford would agree to not tell that part of his story.~
~Greg helps a weak, dejected Marcus Welsh toward the medical room. Greg pushes the metal door open and behind it they discover OCW’s Medic SLASH Mechanic, The Knife Man, chilling with an unfamiliar face~
Greg: Oh! I’m so sorry, Knifey. I didn’t realize you had company.
The Knife Man: No worries, Sir Gregory. This is just a friendly fellow named Machete Phil that I ran into when we landed in Djibouti. He was catching me up on the place, giving me some tremendous recommendations for PHO.
~Machete Phil stands...he walks up to Greg, breathing heavily, towering over Greg and Welsh. He then bows and pats Greg on the shoulder~
Machete Phil: It is an absolute pleasure to meet you, friend. Enjoy Djibouti.
~He exits. Greg watches him leave before turning around and nodding~
Greg: What an extremely charming fellow.
~Everybody is oddly quiet for a moment~
The Knife Man: So, are we ready for our session?
~Greg helps Marcus over to a couch. Marcus lays down, on his side, staring at The Knife Man. The Knife Man leans forward, sliding his blade atop the ground. Again, silence. The Knife Man finally tilts his head toward Greg~
Greg: Oh! I’m sorry.
~A true professional, The Knife Man will not begin until Greg has left. The door shuts and The Knife Man is alone with Welsh~
The Knife Man: So, our great and fearless leader…
Marcus Welsh: Don’t. Don’t call me that.
The Knife Man: Why not?
Marcus Welsh: I got us wrecked on an island. Nearly murdered and now...now this entire company is indebted to...to...ugh, I can’t even!
~Welsh flips over, turning his back to The Knife Man~
The Knife Man: Okay, Marcus.
~Slowly, Marcus looks over his shoulder with a narrowed eye~
The Knife Man: Oh, I’m sorry. Umm, our currently down but not out, great leader Marcus Welsh?
~Welsh rolls back over and tucks his arms under the side of his head, flashing a slight smile~
Marcus Welsh: I guess that’ll work.
The Knife Man: Sir, I’ve heard distressing reports that you’ve not been yourself lately. Something weighing you down?
Marcus Welsh: I don’t know, Knifey. I just feel like I’ve let this entire company down.
The Knife Man: But you saved us.
Marcus Welsh: Ha! You only THINK I saved us. We’re indebted to someone...I...ugh…
The Knife Man: What is it, Marcus? Who was on the other end of that phone? Who do we owe a tremendous amount of debt to?
~Marcus looks at The Knife Man. We cut to ringside~
Jones: I’m glad our GM is getting the help he needs.
Hood: He’s on a therapist’s couch. Wait, no. He’s on THE KNIFE MAN’S couch.
Jones: He needs help, Hood. He’s clearly stressed beyond his limits. We need him at his best.
Hood: We’ve got an OCW Title match up next and our fucking GM is talking to a man in a mask about his feelings. He’s been MIA all night. Didn’t show up to deal with the tag shit. Bifford went wild with 14 segments...NOBODY IS RUNNING THIS PLACE.
Jones: He’s fine, Hood. It’ll be fine.
Hood: IT’S INSANITY
Jones: Folks, it’s that time. It’s main event time! The OCW Championship hasn’t been defended on Massacre in years...last time I can recall was in 2018 when Zybala challenged Matt Meyhu for the OCW Title after winning Survivor.
Hood: Feels like another lifetime.
Jones: Tonight, Alice Knight gets her first OCW Title shot since 2017 when she defeated Bob Grenier and PerZag on Massacre in one of the wildest matches in company history.
Hood: DON’T REMIND ME
Jones: But, if you thought SHE waited a long time. Take a look at Plethora...his OCW Championship victory last Sunday was the first time he’s held the most prestigious belt in pro wrestling since...2001!
Hood: 21 years in the making.
Jones: Yep and tonight, he readily puts it on the line in a 2 out of 3 falls match.
Hood: Shit’s about to get rad.
Jones: It’s Hall of Famer versus Hall of Famer. It’s the Owl Is Night against T! B! B! It’s OCW Champion versus former OCW Champion. It’s Plethora. It’s Alice Knight and it’s NEXT!
OCW Championship
2 Out Of 3 Falls Match
Plethora (c) (8-1) vs. Alice Knight (8-1)
~It’s late in the Djibouti evening. The untamed atmosphere that is Djibouti has a very electric feel. The sun has set. The lights are shining. It’s time for some history to potentially be made right here, right now. The fans stand, looking eagerly at the ring. Belvedere’s charisma is dialed up to an eleven. It’s time~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time for our Main Event of the Evening!!! The following contest is a 2 out of 3 Falls Match and it is for the OCW Championship!!!! Introducing first…
~Level by the Raconteurs begins to play. The men of Djibouti rush to the railing. And some of the women. They are all salivating, THIRSTY for some Alice Knight. She emerges from the back and makes her way to the ring. A few fans try to flap at her...some hoot...but she blocks it all out. There’s a focus about her we haven’t seen in YEARS. She reaches the ring, she pauses, taking a breath before hustling up the steps and entering through the ropes~
Belvedere: From Bethel, New York...standing 5’8 and weighing in at 125lbs...she is a former OCW Champion...she is in the OCW Hall of Fame...she is...Alice Knight!!!!
~“Gangsta’s Paradise” by Postmodern Jukebox starts to play. WHAT THE FUCK? Okay. Anyway, it plays and a couple of rhinos trot out from backstage pulling a chariot that contains PLETHORA! The OCW Champion has his new SCYTHE. The OCW Title is over his shoulder. The rhinos are chasing meat on the end of a stick, hanging in front of their face. Are these carnivorous rhinos? Has Plethora got them hooked on the SPECIAL MEAT? We don’t know. They reach the ring and the meet is pulled close enough so they can eat...the chariot stops. Plethora slowly descends and marches toward the ring with his grey eyes showing through his hood. Alice doesn’t look at him...she’s got his back to him, head pressed against the buckle, staying focused~
Belvedere: He’s the current OCW Champion...he is...Plethora the Perilous!!!!
~Belvedere doesn’t wanna get SCYTHED in half, so he bails. Plethora stomps up the steps and works his way through the ropes and into the ring. Kenny rushes out and deals with the Rhinos, getting them and the chariot backstage. Scruff carefully asks for the OCW Title. Plethora shimmies his shoulder and it flies into Scruff’s arms. Scruff holds the belt up to a huge ovation. Alice turns around, leaning against the buckles, staring at Plethora~
Jones: Biggest match we’ve had on Massacre in quite some time.
Hood: We don’t see the OCW Title defended on monday nights very often.
Jones: Can Alice Knight join elite company by becoming a two time OCW Champion? We’re about to find out!
~Scruff tosses the treasured OCW Title out of the ring to Belvedere who makes a very composed catch. Scruff then motions toward Plethora to get rid of his SCYTHE. Plethora doesn’t move. He holds his SCYTHE tight. Scruff says, “THERE IS NO EL KNUCKLE HERE TONIGHT.” Plethora glares at Scruff~
Jones: Great. Here we go again, Plethora won’t release his Scythe.
Hood: Cutting Alice in half wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
Jones: That’d be terrible!
Hood: Although, CJ would be pretty upset. No more picnics.
~A dark cloud covers the ring from above. Everybody looks up...a group of birds fly over the ring. Alice’s eyes widen. OWLS. THE OWLS ARE WITH HER TONIGHT!! She lets out a HOOT and she charges at Plethora. She leaps into the air and nails the mammoth sized man with a knee to the head!!! Plethora stumbles into the ropes, dropping his MIGHTY SCYTHE. Alice kicks it out of the ring. She throws several kicks into Plethora’s gut, sending the cloaked champion into a corner. Alice charges in, lifting a knee into his face! She raises a fist and she brings it down into his head one, two, three, four, five...~
Jones: Alice is all over Plethora!
Hood: CJ’s about to get jealous!
Jones: Those owls brought her luck and inspiration.
Hood: Fuckin owls...in Africa, flying overhead. WHAT ARE THE ODDS
~Alice hits his head a tenth time. She lets out a large HOOOOOOOT before grabbing the back of Plethora’s head, jumping down, and bringing his head onto her knee!!! His body snaps back into the corner, holding his face in pain. Alice struts around the ring, hooting. The owls continue to fly over the ring, cutting off some of the lights bearing down, making it way darker than it should be...a nocturnal affair. Alice stops her hooting and she charges at Plethora, leaping into the air...but he rises up and catches her!! She’s draped over his shoulder..he marches for the center of the ring...but Alice slips down his back to the mat. He turns around...she jumps up and DROPKICK right into Plethora’s face!!! Plethora staggers back into the ropes. Alice runs in with a cross body! But, Plethora catches her and he tosses her onto his shoulders...Alice responds with sharp elbows into the side of Plethora’s head. He loses his grip...Alice spins around, holds onto his head and drops him with a DDT!!!! The ring shakes from impact!!! Plethora is face down. Alice tries to roll him over...but she can’t! He’s too fucking heavy~
Jones: DDT from Alice Knight...she’s got the big man down! Unfortunately, she can’t get him over for a pin.
Hood: I’m kinda glad he doesn’t have that scythe.
Jones: Happy to see you’re coming around.
Hood: If he killed Alice Knight and put her in chicken sandwiches, that might make a ton of people sick and or deranged. We can’t do that to the sane people of this country.
~Plethora starts to rise. Alice drops down in front of him and grabs his head into a front face lock, trying to keep him grounded. But this isn’t working AT ALL. He easily rises and hoists Alice up for a suplex!!! Alice kicks her legs around, trying to break free, but Plethora falls backward and SLAMS Alice into the mat with a suplex!!! She sits up, grimacing, reaching for her back. Plethora rolls over to the ropes, using them to return to his feet~
Jones: Major shift in this one. Plethora’s incredible size advantage paying dividends.
Hood: I mean, realistically...she can’t compete with this dude. He’s way too big.
Jones: Never say never when you’re talking about the heart of a champion. Alice Knight is a legend because she’s able to do amazing things.
~Plethora is back up. Alice pulls herself up using the ropes. Plethora grabs her from behind, around the waist. He tosses her over his head with a Release Belly to Belly...but Alice lands on her feet. Plethora spins around...Alice hits the ropes, she springboards off the middle rope, spins around and SMACKS Plethora in the face with a SHINING WIZARD!!! Plethora stumbles into the ropes, falling through them and onto the apron. Alice pops back to her feet, flapping her wings~
Jones: Alice continues to show resiliency, using her speed and agility to beat Plethora at every turn!
Hood: Yea, but she’s gotta pin him...not just once, BUT TWICE.
Jones: It’s a tall task...but she can do it. We have faith!
~Plethora rises on the apron, holding onto the top rope. Alice charges at him. She screams “HOOOOOOT!!!!” She flies into the air...but Plethora catches her!!! He holds her high in the Gorilla Press Position and he tosses her behind him!! She falls straight down, SLAMMING into the Djibouti Earth!!! She groans, “MY BOOBS!” grabbing at her chest and rolling around in pain. Plethora slowly enters and demands Scruff start counting. Scruff yells, “ONE!”~
Jones: Oh no! I hope she’s okay.
Hood: I don’t know why she’s screaming about her boobs. She’s got smaller tits than Easton Alexander.
Jones: Hood! That’s so rude!
Hood: I deal in facts, Jones. Not feelings.
~Scruff yells “TWO!” Alice gets on her knees and peeks down her shirt to make sure everything is A-Okay. Scruff yells ‘THREE!’ Alice nods, bringing her eyes back up...everything is right where it should be. Scruff yells “FOUR!” Alice takes a moment to catch her breath. Scruff yells “FIVE!” Alice raises her arms to stretch...she leans in and sniffs under her arms. Holding up just fine. Scruff yells, “SIX!” Alice peeks under the ring for a split second. Scruff yells “SEVEN!” Plethora watches from the ring...hard to really see his expression. Scruff yells “EIGHT!” Alice exists. Scruff yells “NINE!” The fans get nervous. Alice stands, “Alright, hold your horses!” She dives into the ring before the ten count. Plethora rumbles over and drops an elbow, but Alice moves!! Plethora’s elbow hits the mat, hard. Alice scrambles to her feet~
Jones: She sure took her time.
Hood: That woman, I swear. If she wins tonight, shut the place down. We’d have been better off dying on that fuckin island.
Jones: If she wins, she wins.
Hood: Wow. Tremendous insight.
~Alice hurries to grab Plethora’s arm...she wraps her legs around it, trying to stretch it out into an armbar. She does!!! She pulls back, trying to rip his arm out of socket...but, his arm is HUGE...like, bigger than she is. Plethora slowly gets to his feet with Alice pulling and yanking and twisting at his arm. He looks down at her attached to his arm...he then raises his arm with her wrapped around it...she looks up at him like ‘Oh shit.’ He then SLAMS his arm into the mat, crushing Alice!!! The fans groan...that had to hurt!! Alice gasps, her eyes wide...she rolls over saying, “That’s not fair…” She rolls toward the apron and remains there, laying front first~
Jones: It’s tough to envision a victorious picture when your opponent can do THAT to you.
Hood: Seriously. Big fucks small. But this isn’t even big versus small. This is like a whale landing on a fucking...owl! Yes, a whale versus and owl.
Jones: If it were on land the owl would have a chance.
Hood: Shut your mouth you pedantic fuck!
~Plethora heads over and grabs Alice by the hair, pulling her into the mat between the bottom and middle rope. He brings her in close, looking for THE PLETH END (Jumping Piledriver)! He’s got her hooked...he lifts her up, but on her way up, Alice sees the owls overhead, continuing to fly around...she springs forward, wrapping her legs around Plethora’s head and leaning forward, biting Plethora on the hoodie! Plethora stumbles around~
Jones: Alice is doing whatever it takes! Those owls continue to inspire her!
Hood: She’s fucking cheating! Ring the bell! Give this round to Plethora!
Jones: The man who wouldn’t let go of his scythe? Nah. He’s not going to get any leeway.
Hood: WEAK ASS BOOKING
~Plethora throws her up into the air, over his head. She flies forward and lands on the corner behind them. Plethora stumbles...Alice turns around and she leaps off, grabbing Plethora’s head and she drivers him into the mat with a top rope BULLDOG!!!! Plethora hits the mat, HARD! She tries to roll him over, but she can’t...he’s too heavy...she grunts and yells...she looks up into the heavens, she sees the many owls flapping overhead...she then gives it a little extra and she...GETS HIM OVER!!! She makes the cover and Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!
Jones: Well, at least she got him over.
Hood: And now, she’s gonna put him over.
~Alice flies through the air, landing on her feet. She staggers around, surprised at the force of the kickout. Plethora remains on the mat. She snaps out of it, hearing her precious owls overhead. She can’t let the parliament down. She rushes for the nearest corner...she ascends, quickly. She gets to the top and she looks down at Plethora. The lights focusing on her...Alice perched high, ready to secure the first of two necessary falls~
Jones: Yes! Let’s go, Alice!
Hood: Can somebody shoot those owls down? This match would be over if they weren’t giving her energy...or whatever the fuck!
Jones: She needs them, Hood! They give her power and strength!
Hood: FUCKIN LAME
~Alice takes a deep breath and she leaps off with a FROG SPLASH!! It’s not the most technically sound, but it’s good enough. She comes crashing down onto Plethora’s enormous gut! His gut, however, is so enormous that she just bounces right off of it like it’s a moonwalk or some other giant, inflatable platform!!! She stumbles back, confused. Plethora rises. She hits the rope and staggers forward...Plethora kicks her in the gut, he brings her in, he lifts her up and he drops her with THE PLETH END!!!! She goes limp...he makes the cover. Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
3!!!!
Belvedere: The winner of the first fall is...PLETHORA!!!!!
Jones: Damn it! That’s not fair!
Hood: Hooray physics, or whatever.
Jones: We need to get Plethora on a diet. I think he’s fatter than ever.
Hood: Don’t fat shame the champ!
~Plethora sits up and laughs. A deep, bellowing laugh. “hehehehehehehehe” Alice tries to roll over, but Plethora reaches out and grips her throat by his giant, meaty right hand. Plethora stands and he pulls Alice off the mat, raising her high into the air. She looks down at him, her eyes full of concern. Her legs kick wildly...Plethora then SLAMS her into the mat with a deadlift chokeslam!!! Alice’s body is broken, wrecked, contorted. Plethora stands over here, rubbing his hands together~
Jones: This isn’t good. Alice is in trouble.
Hood: Fuck them owls.
Jones: They’re just birds, Hood.
Hood: Were you not around during March? Owls nearly destroyed this promotion!
~Plethora reaches down with both hands, grabbing Alice by the back, gripping the fabric of her attire...he swings her to and fro, gaining momentum...he then heaves her like a bail of hay over the top rope and to the outside...she crashes, recklessly atop the ground, tumbling into the guardrail. The fans back away, due to the impact. Plethora stares down at her from the center of the ring...he slowly points at Scruff. Scruff promptly yells out, “ONE!”~
Jones: Oh no. That was terrible.
Hood: Count her out and get this OVER with.
Jones: We need CJ out here.
Hood: Yea, where is he?
~We cut backstage to find the locker room containing CJ blocked by a metal rod. CJ’s pounding on it, trying to break free. But these Djibouti doors are very tough. Kenny and Earl look on from the other side – mission accomplished. Back at ringside, Scruff yells “FIVE!” Wow, already halfway there. Alice’s title hopes dancing atop a prayer. “SIX!” Scruff yells. Is this it? Is this how Alice loses her shot at a second OCW Title victory? “SEVEN!” A fan looks down at Alice, shaking his head. “EIGHT!” Suddenly, something hits his head...he rubs it and looks at his fingers...they are covered in white goo. “DID AN OWL SHIT ON MY HEAD?!” he yells. Alice’s eyes suddenly shoot open~
Jones: She’s alive!
Hood: Revived by the word Owl Shit. How apropos.
Jones: She needs to hurry!
~Scruff yells ‘NINE!’ Alice rises to her feet and she runs for the ring. She dives in right before the ten count! Plethora stomps on her...but she powers up, feeling the power of the owls feeding her. She stands in front of Plethora...he grabs her by the head and leans in for a headbutt. But she spits into the darkness under his hood!! He stumbles back. Alice goes wild! She moves around like a freaked out bird...or OWL. She throws her arms around crazily, smacking, punching, chopping Plethora with everything she’s got!! The gargantuan gladiator stumbles into the ropes~
Jones: Look at her go! She squawking!
Hood: PLEASE DON’T MAKE THAT A THING
Jones: She’s doing it!
~Alice jumps up, smacking Plethora in the face with a knee. He leans back into the ropes...she grabs him by the arm and tries to perform an irish whip but he won’t move. He refuses. Alice gets frustrated and jumps up, placing her knees into Plethora’s face, she drops down and stuns Plethora with a Codebreaker!!!! Plethora staggers forward, dropping to one knee!! The fans go wild! She’s got him halfway down~
Jones: Alice is doing EVERYTHING she can. This size advantage is tremendous. But, she’s chopping him down.
Hood: Yea, but she’s gotta win TWO falls...not just one. So, he’s got some breathing room.
Jones: I’d say maybe she can wear him down but we all know Plethora doesn’t get tired...for some reason.
~Alice pops back to her feet...she hits the ropes and smacks Plethora with a knee to the head!! She hits the ropes again and hits him on the other side of the head with a running knee. She then hits the ropes and comes flying at him with a kick to the side of the head!!! He’s shaken!!! She pops back up...she hits the ropes and SMACKS him in the side of the head with another kick!!! This time he falls over, onto his arm...ALMOST to the mat. Alice fires up...the fans are behind her...she hits the ropes and charges at Plethora...but he pops up, catches her and drills her into the mat with a POWERBOMB!!! The entire ring shakes!!! The fans all sit down, dejected~
Jones: Aww man! It just seems so impossible.
Hood: Just wish he’d hurry up and end it. The sooner this is over the quicker we can all get over the crippling fear that Alice Knight might hold the OCW Title again.
~Plethora staggers a bit, holding his head. The kicks from Alice did leave an impression. He backs into a corner...he recovers, he heads forward toward Alice and he leaps up for a HUGE splash! But Alice moves!! Plethora slams into the mat!! He nearly breaks through! Alice crawls into a corner, quickly. She pulls herself up and waits for Plethora to get back to his feet. Plethora rises, bent over...Alice runs forward and jumps up, grabbing Plethora by the head, looking for another DDT...but Plethora stands up and he throws her forward! She lands on the top rope, balancing. Plethora faces her...she springboards, backwards...landing outside the ring on her feet, staring up at Plethora. The fans are confused...Alice, she leans against the barricade, fanning herself off, taking a break~
Jones: I think she figured Plethora would just catch her and slam her into the mat again.
Hood: That would require this thing called a brain. Or, well, a human brain. She doesn’t have one of those, man!
Jones: Oh, she’s smarter than you give her credit for.
~Scruff yells “ONE!” Alice yells back, “Yea, yea, I KNOW!” This is the third count of the match. She walks around, taking her time. How does she gain the advantage on this big guy? If she flies, he catches her. If she knocks him down she can barely roll him over. She can’t lift him up. Like, what the fuck?! She looks toward the sky for inspiration...her precious owls speak to her, flapping around high, in the dark sky. She nods, she’s got it. She marches up the steps and onto the apron~
Jones: Alice has a plan.
Hood: A plan inspired by birds. The dumbest birds on the planet, I’m told.
Jones: Wise as an owl, Hood. They aren’t dumb.
Hood: That’s just some stupid ass saying some idiot made up. Owls are fuckin stupid.
~Alice enters the ring. Plethora is ready. Ready for whatever she’s got. Alice heads his way and she reaches out with her hands...she then pulls back and BAM! She kicks him right in the balls! Plethora bends over, slowly. A low, loud groan exits his mouth. Alice kicks him in the balls again! Scruff looks over and gasps, “ALICE?!” Alice kicks Plethora in the balls a third time...this one sends him down to all fours~
Jones: Oh. Oh my.
Hood: Well, I mean...fuck. I’ll give her credit. SHIT. That’s pretty smart.
Jones: And illegal.
Hood: Scruff is too shocked to do anything.
~Alice drops some sharp elbows into the back of Plethora’s neck, over and over and over until the big guy flattens out on the mat. She’s got him down. But, can she move him? What does she do next? She heads for his legs! She grunts and yells, pulling one of his legs up~
Jones: Don’t tell me. NOT A BOSTON CRAB
Hood: I know she’s got crabs. Did she get them in Boston?
Jones: Don’t spread malicious rumors about that woman!
~Alice has one leg of Plethora, which is the size of a medium adult male or a whale’s penis...she’s got it under her arm. She tries to grab the other, but the mighty Plethora kicks his legs out, sending her flying into the ropes. She controls her crash, diving through the ropes and onto her feet on the apron. Plethora gets to all fours...he rises to one knee. Alice hops up and she springboards off the top, coming down with a dropkick to the back of Plethora’s head, sending him to the mat once more!! The fans begin to rally behind Alice once more~
Jones: The Boston Crab failed, as everyone not named Alice figured it would. But, she turned that negative into a positive!
Hood: HIV positive. I heard a rumor Crash Rodriguez died of HIV earlier this week.
Jones: Yea, considering he wrestled earlier tonight, I’m gonna say that rumor is false.
Hood: I didn’t say it was true. I just said I heard it. Same thing about CJ getting eaten alive by puppies.
Jones: You need a better source for news.
~Plethora tries to push himself back up, but Alice hits the ropes, she bounces off and she jumps up, coming down onto the back of his head with a double foot stomp!!! Plethora is down!! The crowd is on their feet...for the first time all night it feels like Alice is on the verge of earning a pinfall. She’s not hooting. She’s not strutting. She’s wrestling…she’s fighting...she’s competing! Alice stands over Plethora, looking down at the beast. He starts to push himself up again, but she takes her foot and she STOMPS on the back of his head, smashing his face into the mat once more. She turns and heads for the nearest corner~
Jones: Who would have predicted THIS? Alice Knight might have knocked Plethora out!
Hood: Man, these post-COVID years are wild!
Jones: It just goes to show that you can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it.
Hood: You’re starting to sound like Smith, over there. That’s a road you don’t wanna go down, my friend.
~Alice reaches the top rope. She looks down at Plethora...he hasn’t moved. She jumps off and flies through the air, coming down across Plethora’s head with a FROG SPLASH!!! BOOM! HUGE IMPACT!!! Djibouti goes wild!! Are we gonna see a pinfall?? Alice tries to roll Plethora over...she tries and tries...the AT LEAST 600lbs of deadweight is too much. On her knees, Alice breathes heavily, exhausted over trying to move this whale-like carcass~
Jones: She can’t get him over!
Hood: Weird. No promoter has ever had that problem with Plethora.
Jones: You know what I mean!
~Alice yells out, ‘HE’S TOO FAT!’ Scruff is like, “What do you want me to do?” Alice returns to her feet...she looks up into the heavens at her precious parliament, still flying high above the ring. She throws her arms into the air, reaching for strength~
Jones: Owlie the Owl...the real owl, not the mascot, perished during Alice’s OCW Title triumph back in 2017. Could we see these owls propel her to another OCW Title victory, just like Owlie?
Hood: I’m done with owls man. Like, for real. FUCK THEM
Jones: She’s reaching to them for strength! Strength to move Plethora so she can pin him!
~A lone owl leaves the parliament and swoops down toward Alice. Alice holds her arm out, she closes her eyes and soaks in the moment. The fans chant ‘OWL-IS KNIGHT! OWL-IS KNIGHT!’ The owl lands on Alice’s arm. She opens her eyes to look at her precious owl...but...SHE SCREAMS, waving her arm around~
Jones: HOLY SMOKES! Those aren’t owls!
Hood: THEY’RE BATS!
Jones: We’ve been fooled!
~A bunch of bats fly down and circle Alice. She spins around, waving her arms, trying to get these nasty flying RATS away from her. Finally, they ascend back into the sky...Alice staggers around, thrown off by the entire situation. She stumbles into a recovered Plethora!! He spins her around, boots her in the gut, lifts her up and he drops her with THE PLETH END!!!! He covers her for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
Belvedere: The winner of the second fall...PLETHORA!!!!!
Jones: NO!
Hood: Haha, yes! Finally, nature fucked that evil woman!
Belvedere: Which means the winner and STILL OCW Champion…
~Scruff is told something by Plethora. He exits the ring to tell Belvedere, breaking up the announcement. Belvedere seems confused~
Jones: Oh please. I was hoping we wouldn’t see this.
Hood: Plethora may be a lot of things, Jones. But he’s no liar. He wants to pin her THREE times!
Jones: This is overkill! Don’t humiliate the woman! She’s a legend!
~Belvedere receives word from the back through his NIFTY earpiece~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been told that this match will continue! It will not end until Plethora gets his third fall or Alice gets, I don’t know...two? We’ll see what happens!
Jones: This is ridiculous! Is this how the reign of PLETHORA is going to go? Ugh.
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
~Plethora pulls Alice off the canvas...he’s getting ready to hit her with a third PLETH END!!! But, she low blows him!!! Plethora stumbles around. Alice rises back to her feet!! The fans cheer~
Jones: Hood! She’s fighting back! The true heart of a champion!
Hood: Wait. Hold on. I don’t want to even entertain this but...what if SHE gets the pin?
Jones: The match has to continue, right?
Hood: I DON’T KNOW!
~Alice grabs Plethora by the head and she hooks him for THE APACHE!!! But, Plethora shoves her off!! She hits the ropes...she runs at him, but he throws his massive weight into her, sending her flying to the mat with a Shoulder Block! The big man drops to the mat. Alice hits hard~
Jones: Once again, the size advantage. Ugh, it’s just too much.
Hood: Okay, so, for real. It won’t happen. But, if it does. If Alice wins this fall...what the fuck?
Jones: I’d try to ask our GM but he’s in therapy right now.
Hood: Weak ass leadership
~Plethora returns to his feet, hovering over Alice, who is struggling to get back up. All the impact her body has taken, she’s got to be running on empty. Suddenly, a fan jumps the railing and runs for the ring~
Jones: One of Alice’s HOOTERS has seen enough! They want to rescue their queen!
Hood: Hey! She’s CJ’s Queen! Nobody else’s!
~Plethora turns around to address the fan who is now on the apron. But it’s no fan...it’s DUCE JONES! We can almost visualize Plethora’s eyes widening with excited surprise as his mouth says “DUCE!” He points at Duce and heads his way. Duce eggs him on, from the apron~
Jones: Duce Jones! A former OCW Tag Team Champion! A former CWF Champion!
Hood: FUCK CWF!
Jones: Sorry, my bad!
~Plethora heads toward Duce like a hungry lion marching over toward its wounded prey. As he does, a much larger ‘fan’ hits the ring...but again, it’s no fan. It’s BRIM!!! BRIM is in the ring behind Plethora. Duce drops off the mat and points. Plethora turns around and he gets BLASTED in the face by BRIM!!!! Plethora bends the knee, dropping to a kneeled position. BRIM stands over him, hulking...his chest heaving. The crowd goes wild~
Jones: BRIM, like the rest of us...has seen enough!
Hood: Well, you’ve been bitching about size. BRIM’s ALMOST the size of Plethora.
Jones: He’s a lot closer than Alice.
~BRIM slams a double axe handle into Plethora’s head. He keeps the OCW Champion from falling to the mat. He steps aside and says, “LAY THIS MOTHER FUCKER OUT!” Alice steps up! The crowd is on their feet, jumping, cheering. Alice grabs Plethora’s head and she spikes him into the mat with THE APACHE!!!! Djibouti goes wild!!! Plethora is down. BRIM flips him over with relative ease. Alice dives on top!! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!!!
Jones: Oh my gosh! She pinned Plethora!
Hood: What in the fuck is going on!
Belvedere: The winner of the third fall...ALICE KNIGHT!!!!!
Jones: What does this all mean? Does the match continue?
Hood: No clue. I’m just along for the ride at this point.
~Alice pops to her feet. She struts and hoots. Outside the ring, Duce Jones throws his arm into the air, triumphantly BRIM steps back, giving her the moment. The moment ends abruptly as Plethora comes to and he hurries to his feet, furious. The realization that he’s been pinned by Alice sets him OFF! He charges forward and he takes Alice down with a lariat. She hits the mat and rolls out of the ring. Plethora turns and faces BRIM. BRIM ain’t about to back down~
Jones: BRIM and Plethora staring each other down in the center of the ring! These two men are ‘scheduled’ to meet each other for the OCW Title in four weeks!
Hood: But what about THIS match?
Jones: Again, I don’t know!
~Plethora charges at BRIM. BRIM charges at Plethora...both men COLLIDE with a clothesline!!! BRIM stumbles back, through the ropes, onto the apron. Plethora staggers back...he hits the mat and rolls out of the ring. The impact took its toll on both men. Plethora, outside the ring, finds his SCYTHE...he re-enters the ring holding his SCYTHE. BRIM, standing on the apron, sees the gigantic champion holding his lethal SCYTHE and he contemplates entering. But, Duce Jones grabs his ankle and urges him to come down. “Live to fight another day!” he yells~
Jones: Don’t go in there, BRIM. You’re tough...probably the toughest member on the roster...BUT HE’S GOT A SCYTHE!
Hood: The SCYTHE is mightier than the fist.
Jones: BRIM, please! Listen to Duce!
Hood: Yea, the man lost an eye. He knows how real shit can get!
~Plethora swings his SCYTHE at BRIM! Everybody screams. Duce yanks on BRIM’s leg, pulling him off the apron. BRIM glares at Plethora, angrily. Plethora raises his SCYTHE high. “Fuck you!” BRIM yells as Duce pulls him back. Plethora brings the SCYTHE slicing down, severing the ropes, so he can exit and pursue BRIM with his SCYTHE~
Jones: I think he wants to MURDER BRIM!
Hood: Of course he does! For starters, BRIM embarrassed him. But, also, think about how many sandwiches BRIM’s body could make!
Jones: HOOD!
~OCW security rush out, helping Duce get BRIM away from the stalking, murderous Plethora. He tries to fight through them, fearing NOTHING. But, they manage to force him behind the curtain, into the locker room. Slowly, Plethora continues stalking with murderous rage beneath his robe. His SCYTHE is ready to kill. He steps backstage, disappearing from sight. The fans murmur...the tension begins to wane. We cut to the ring where Belvedere enters with the OCW Title in his hands~
Hood: Plethora left his OCW Title. Give it to me and I’ll deliver it, wanna remain on his good side.
Jones: IS it his OCW Title?
Hood: Of course it is! He won two falls!
Jones: He demanded the match continue so he could get three and Alice won that third fall. I mean, to me it seems like the match isn’t over.
Hood: Fuck outta here. It’s over. HE WON
~Alice enters the ring, confused. She reaches for the OCW Title but Belvedere pulls back. She turns toward the announcer’s table. Belvedere looks their way as well~
Jones: Guys, I don’t know what to do.
Hood: Yea, the fuck you looking at us for...we just call the action.
Jones: We need some leadership. We need a decision!
~The Tron cuts backstage where BRIM is still being pushed back. He’s screaming and cursing to be let go so he can kick Plethora’s ass. Greg loos on, chewing his finger nails. Leo and Cap Slock stand at his sides~
Leo: Where’s Mr. Welsh?
Cap Slock: YES WHERE IS OUR GM
Greg: He’s busy. He cannot be disturbed. I’m his power of attorney.
Leo: Power of attorney?
Greg: You know. He authorized me to make choices.
~BRIM continues to shout and curse. Greg winces at BRIM’s loud, scary voice~
Leo: Fine. So, did Plethora win or what?
~Greg hesitates. At ringside, we hear the fans counting. We cut to Alice throwing 8 fingers in the air, then 9...then 10!!! The fans cheer. She goes for the OCW Title again, but, once more, Belvedere will not let it go until he’s given a ruling~
Greg: Umm. Err.
Cap Slock: SIR WE NEED A DECISION
~Plethora slowly walks by holding his SCYTHE, still stalking BRIM~
Greg: He won. That guy.
Leo: That Guy???
Cap Slock: YOU MEAN PLETHORA THE PERILOUS
Greg: Yes.
Leo: Even though he demanded the match resume and then lost the very next fall...the last official fall of the match?
Greg: Well, when you put it that way…
Cap Slock: SIR, PLEASE
Greg: Don’t yell at me!
~Greg turns and runs into the GM’s office, slamming the door and locking it. Cap Slock looks at Leo...they don’t know what the fuck to do~
Jones: Folks, I really don’t know what to tell you. This is without a doubt the strangest ending to a show I’ve ever been apart of.
Hood: Ditto.
Jones: I mean, I’m pretty sure Plethora is still champion.
Hood: He has to be.
Jones: But we NEED an official decision.
Hood: Welsh needs to get his ass off that couch and do his fucking job.
Jones: Agreed.
Hood: What a fuckin shit show
Jones: We’re out of time, folks. More questions than answers at this juncture. If our GM doesn’t get his mind right then, well, it seems this month might be a dangerous one.
Hood: A ship without a captain. No bueno.
Jones: For now, I’m going to say Plethora is the OCW Champion. Seems like the logical choice.
Hood: Right.
Jones: But, hopefully we get an official ruling soon. Until then, we’ll continue to sort things out here in Djibouti as we sign off and wish you all a great rest of the week. We’ll see you next Monday.
Hood: Right here. Straight Outta Djibouti!
~We get one final shot of Alice debating with Belvedere, trying to get the title. But he will not give it to her. We slowly fade out~