LIVE! Friday, April 16th, 2021
From the OCW Arena
That’s right folks and fans...we are back! Back inside the OCW Arena for another memorable edition of Monday Night Massacre! *looks at calendar* Or, well, Massacre. It’s been a rough go for OCW lately. Abandoned arena filled with rats, roaches, and, worst of all, homeless people. Marcus Welsh, a once-promising businessman, is now forced to live in the haunted halls of a company that once stood atop the professional wrestling industry. His only companions are relics left behind.
BUT...Welsh remains optimistic. And, while no TV deals have come his way, he’s decided to stream Massacre from time to time on Youtube.
~We cut to what was once the GM’s office. An elevated room with optimal viewing of the in-ring action below. The windows, which once provided protection, have long since been smashed. Inside, all trophies, photos, and other accoutrements representing the good times are scattered along the floor - smashed, stained, assaulted. Welsh sits behind his wooden desk, scratched and dusty. A cheap microphone is in front of him. To his right is none other than Who’Re.~
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~Beneath them, surrounding a reconstructed ring, are a bunch of bums. They meander. They yell. They shout. Some give each other sexual pleasure. It’s basically downtown los angeles.~
Welsh: Hey guys! Welcome to another edition of Monday...err...Massacre!
Who’Re: Yay!
Welsh: I know what you’re all thinking...how did we get that ring fixed in such short order after our highly successful ring explosion? Well...all thanks goes to OCW’s resident Medic SLASH Mechanic - THE KNIFE MAN
Welsh: He’s currently passed out. Fatigued from all the work of putting the ring back together...piece by piece...as well as cleaning up bits of blood, bone, and brain.
Who’Re: Ew.
~Welsh takes a sip from his giant coffee mug. He’s smiling~
Welsh: Which reminds me...Whore! Welcome to the announce team!
Who’Re: First of all, it’s Who-Ray. And second...I’m so happy to be here! To finally have a voice, it’s…
Welsh: Now, have some sausage.
Who’Re: What?
Welsh: Take some of my sausage, Whore. Have some. It’s right here. Take it.
~Welsh aggressively slides some sausage in front of Who’Re. She frowns~
Who’Re: No thanks. I’d rather call the action.
Welsh: Whatever. But it’s right there in case you want to put it in your mouth.
Who’Re: Noted.
Welsh: So why are we back? Well, the answer is simple. We’ve hit rock bottom, folks. Hood and Smith are unemployed and I couldn’t even afford to pay them to take this gig. Richard isn’t returning my calls. The Outsider’s roster makes more money than I can afford to offer. Bottom line - it’s bad.
Who’Re: But…
Welsh: BUT - when you’ve hit rock bottom you’ve got nowhere to go but UP! And that’s what’s going to happen, people. I, Marcus Welsh, am going to rebuild this brand into what it used to be...it starts tonight as we begin an eight-person tournament. One match per event. The winner will claim one of these prestigious titles.
~We cut to a shot of several titles laying on the office floor. A few roaches scurry across them. One appears to be stained with jizz~
Voice: These were, in fact, NOT prestigious titles. But, hey, Welsh is trying to sell this bitch. So if that means passing off defunct titles nobody in OCW wanted...when in Rome, or whatever.
Who’Re: Who are the contestants?
Welsh: That’s going to be revealed show by show, Whore. Starting now...let’s meet our first competitor. He’s a local resident of the OCW Arena. He was voted number one bum...let’s get to know Dale “The Bum” Miller.
Who’Re: I’m kinda excited.
Welsh: Here, have some sausage.
Who’Re: STOP
~We cut to a video package for Dale ‘The Bum’ Miller~
~Dale takes a long drag of his vape~
“I joined the circus. For the next fifteen years of my life, I traveled with the circus, shoveling elephant shit. It was a good job. Bunch of road stories. The groupies. I had no complaints. Was living the high life. Then, PETA came along and threw a fit about animal abuse.”
~Dale grows very angry. It’s clear he’d like to murder PETA~
“The circus shut down. Our last show was in Key West. Lost, I befriended a bunch of the homeless. When they heard of my problem, they told me about a woman named Alice Knight. She fed and housed the homeless. She was also an OCW Superstar. It sounded interesting. So, I made my way to the OCW Arena and entered her RV.”
~Dale lets out a ‘hoot’.~
“It wasn’t long before I became the head bum. It was said...when every bum took two hits, Dale took three. I credited being on the road all my life. It’s a tough life. But, I’ve carried that legacy since this place shut down and now...now I look to represent the homeless people who have been the backbone of OCW for the past two years. Tonight, Dale ‘The Bum’ Miller will step into the OCW ring and take one step closer toward being the next OCW Champion.”
~Dale smiles. He coughs. It appears a tooth flies out. We’re not sure. We cut back to Who’Re and Welsh~
Welsh: That is one focused bum.
Who’Re: I remember Alice Knight. She was a beacon of inspiration for all the Key West homeless people. It’s nice to see her impact has not been forgotten.
Welsh: I guess. You know what Alice would do?
Who’Re: Literally anything?
Welsh: She’d eat the sausage.
Who’Re: Please! Enough with the sausage!
Welsh: Now, let’s meet Dale’s opponent. She’s been called a lot of things...most notably a raging feminist. But, she’s known legally as Greta Wolfe. Let’s get to know Greta.
~Welsh is caught pouring some vodka into his coffee cup before we cut away~
“Yea, I’m Greta Wolfe. And I’m not who you think I am.”
~We see Greta heading into a gas station. A man holds the door open for her. She is shocked and appalled~
Greta: Excuse me? Are you holding that door for ME?
Guy: Uh, yea…
Greta; What, am I too weak to open the door myself? Is that what you are implying by your patriarchal action?
Guy: No Ma’am, I…
Greta: MA’AM! Did you just call me Ma’am?
~The dude keeps his mouth shut~
Greta: I am NOT some little weak girl that you can shove around with your patriarchal dialogue. Now, you give me that door.
~Greta yanks the door away and holds it open. The guy hurries in, trying to get away. She turns toward the camera~
Greta Wolfe: I’m Greta Wolfe. And I’m not who you think I am.
~We cut to a scenic walk within a public park. A man drops to one knee, preparing to propose. His fiance covers her mouth, stunned. She’s overcome with emotion and happiness. Greta storms into view~
Greta Wolfe: WHAT IS THIS
Guy: Excuse me?
Greta Wolfe: Are you attempting to suppress this woman with your patriarchal practice of subjugation?
Guy: …
Greta Wolfe: I will not stand back and allow you to enslave this young woman. These patriarchal practices have got to go.
Guy: Lady, I’m trying to propose to the love of my life and, you’re ruining it.
Greta Wolfe: LADY?! Did you just call me LADY? I have a name! I am a PERSON.
~The woman runs away crying - her moment ruined. The man shoves the ring back into his pocket. He glares at Greta before storming off. Greta turns and stares into the camera~
Greta Wolfe: I’m Greta Wolfe. And I’m not who you think I am.
~Another cut scene. Greta is storming across a field of grass, toward the sound of cheers. A sporting event is nearby. The look on her face is thunderous. She’s downright apoplectic.~
Greta Wolfe: The patriarch likes to spread false narratives. They like to say women can’t compete on the same level as men. Well, I’m here to show everybody that we can!
~Greta kicks open a chain-linked door. She storms onto the field. A little league flag football game is taking place. The ball is snapped. A young child, playing quarterback, throws a hail mary. Greta sprints forward. She snares the ball from the air, turns around, and charges upfield. She runs over every young boy that gets in her way before crossing the endzone and spiking the ball~
Greta Wolfe: Take that, patriarchy! You say we can’t compete? I say I just flipped that patriarchal narrative right onto its dunce cap!
~Greta kicks the ball off the field, turns and glares into the camera~
Greta Wolfe: I’m Greta Wolfe. And I’m not who you think I am.
~One final image of Greta~
Greta Wolfe: And before you suppressive males out there try and say that I’m a killjoy who doesn’t know how to have a good time...let me get you woke. I’m a huge fan of the movie Endgame. There, I said it. In fact, I play one scene on repeat over and over...that scene when all the women join up in the battle against Thanos. I love that scene. I masturbate to that scene. Yea, I said it. I’m not afraid to admit I masturbate. It’s okay for a man, isn’t it?
~She glares into the camera~
Greta Wolfe: I’m Greta Wolfe. And I’m nto who you think I am.
~We cut back to Welsh and Who’Re. Welsh is pouring more booze into his coffee mug~
Who’Re: Well, she’s certainly passionate. Marcus? You okay? You’re drinking that pretty fast.
Welsh: Fine. I”M FINE. Don’t you worry about what I’m drinking...not so long as that sausage is still there.
Who”Re: Oh-kay.
Welsh: But how about Greta? Isn’t she something?
Who’Re: Fact.
Welsh: Well it’s about time, Whore. The first match in this tournament for...one of the titles laying on the ground in my office. Before we kick things off...let’s cut to the musical act this evening.
Who’Re: Jimmy Buffett? Disturbed?
Welsh: Even better. Wally World Encinitas! Give it up!
~Welsh downs the booze in his cup. We cut to a very old, tired, shitty looking rock band. They stand atop the OCW stage. The lead singer leans into the mic.~
Lead Singer: Let’s raise some ruckus, baby. Whaddya say?
Drummer: Let’s raise some helllll-uh
Guitar Guy 1: yea lets raise some hell!
Slash Wannabe: I say let’s raise some ruckus.
Guitar Guy 2: No I say let’s raise some KAINE
Lead Singer: LET’S RAISE SOME KAIIIIIIINNNNNEEEE
~It’s quite the memorable performance. The homeless people sway around. They seem to enjoy the noise. When it gets to the emotional part...several bums look up, tears in their eyes. Once it picks back up, they hop around. The song ends and the bums quietly cheer. The lead singer of the band tosses a bunch of tiny liquor bottles into the crowd...this increases the ovation dramatically~
Welsh: Holy shit. What an ovation!
Who’Re: I have to hand it to you, Marcus. That was music. And it was live.
Welsh: VERY LIVE! Woo! Alright, let’s raise some fuckin kaine!
~The coffee mug is gone, Welsh is shooting straight from the bottle~
Welsh: To the ring!
~Predator is in the ring. It appears Belvedere was too expensive~
Predator: This is the first round match of an eight-person tournament where the winner will receive a defunct OCW Championship. This is a singles match. I don’t think there’s anything special. But, I can’t say for certain. They really just kinda threw me out here. Anyway...introducing first.
~Dale does the ‘strokin’ dance down the ramp. He high-fives homeless people. They cheer him on. He’s the home team playing in front of the home crowd. Dale strokes it to the ring...he rolls in under the bottom rope and strokes it around the ring~
Predator: From the mean streets of Fort Wayne. He’s OCW’s #1 Bum...he is...Dale Miller!
~Dale strokes it. Predator begins strokin it. The ‘fans’ are strokin it. Everybody be strokin~
Welsh: What are they doing down there?
Who’Re: Strokin, I think.
Welsh: Strokin, eh...Whore...my sausage.
Who’Re: Stop it, Marcus. Here, have another drink.
Welsh: Oh, yea...pour that in there. Sweet.
~The song ends. Everybody boos~
Predator: I know, I know. Perhaps we can all stroke it after the show. But, fear not...more music, fans! Introducing Dale’s opponent…
~This song is not met quite as favorably. One homeless dude frowns and yells, “IS THAT TRACY FUCKIN CHAPMAN?!” Another throws up. However, Greta Wolfe makes her way down...head held high...as proud as can be. She marches up the steps and walks across the apron. Scruff (the ref) goes to part the ropes...but she screams at him and shoves him down. She enters on her own~
Predator: Uh, yea. Ladies and Gentlemen...Greta Wolfe.
~Greta yanks the mic~
Greta Wolfe: I’M NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM!
~Predator is like ‘okay’. He reclaims the mic and exits. Greta glares at Dale. Dale seems a bit hazy. Perhaps kinda high. Scruff signals toward the bell. It rings.~
Dale 'The Bum' Miller (0-0) vs. Greta Wolfe (0-0)
Welsh: Was that the bell?
Who’Re: Yes! We’re underway!
Welsh: Alright! Let’s go, Dale!
Who’Re: Marcus...aren’t you supposed to be unbiased?
Welsh: It’s my company. I’ll cheer for whoever the fuck I want.
~Miller leans back, observing Wolfe. Wolfe marches toward the center of the ring. “Well? C’mon! I’m just as though as you are!” Miller vacillates. He’s not really all that keen on hitting women. I mean, sure...crack whores. But they don’t really feel it...plus they got it coming. But a respectable woman...and on tv, no-less. It seems kinda skeevy...even for OCW’s #1 Bum.~
Welsh: Is it over?
Who’Re: No Marcus. It’s barely started.
Welsh: Well I can’t see a damn thing.
Who’Re: Here. Have another drink.
Welsh: Thank you. You’re a good whore. And I don’t say that lightly.
~”You think I’m weak? I’m just as strong as you! Get in here, little man!” Miller sighs...a slight roll of the eyes. He heads for Wolfe. He hunches over and extends his arms...looking to lock up, but lightly. He doesn’t wanna hurt her. Too late...she grabs his arm and twists the fuck out of it. “MOTHER FUCKER!” Dale yells out. He flips to the mat, on his back. Wolfe applies a wicked armbar. “HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, MAN?”
Who’Re: Greta looking mighty aggressive.
Welsh: Who?
Who’Re: Keep drinking, Marcus. I got this.
~”FUCK!” Miller yells. Wolfe twists the arm harder. “Holy shit, lady!” Wolfe’s eyes explode with fire, “WHAT DID YOU CALL ME??” She pops to her feet, ripping Miller from the mat and tossing him into the nearest corner, by his arm. He hits hard. He instantly reaches for his left shoulder. Wolfe charges in and leaps into the air with a HUGE splash...her tits smother Miller’s face. She hugs him, spins around, and plants him on the mat with a belly to belly. She pops to one knee. “I’M GRETA WOLFE! NOT YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE LADY!”~
Who’Re: I know Greta’s going to have some detractors but she looks pretty darn good.
Welsh: -burp-
Who’Re: But homeless people are notoriously tough. I should know. I interviewed Alice Knight hundreds of times. Constantly around homeless people.
~Wolfe pops to her feet. “DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY!” She grabs Miller by his ear, yanking him up. “Bet you think I can’t pick you up, huh?” Miller is confused, “I never said - “ Greta cuts him off, “Well, I’ll show YOU.” Greta scoops him up...it’s a bit of a struggle. She stumbles...just a bit, before slamming him on the mat. She yells out, “TAKE THAT! EVERYTHING YOU CAN DO I CAN DO!”~
Who’Re: That was impressive. Although I think Greta had to use every ounce of strength to pull it off.
Welsh: -mumbles- Sausage. Sausage.
Who’Re: If I were Greta, I’d probably keep the rest of this match on the mat. She’s clearly got the upper hand. I’d hate to see her make a mistake.
~”What’s that?!” Greta yells. “Oh, you think I can’t pick you up again? You think I’m too weak to press slam you?” Miller is wincing, reaching for his back, “Honestly, I didn’t say a fuckin thing. For the love...chill the fuck out.” Her eyes widen, “I will NOT subdue myself at the sound of your patriarchal command. You’re going up, you sack of shit!” She pulls Miller from the canvas~
Who’Re: Oh dear. Good luck, Greta.
Welsh: I...the...declassified. We shoulda closed after Declassified.
Who’Re: It’s okay, Marcus. Rest your head. It’s okay.
Welsh: Awe.Some. I hate them.
Who’Re: That’s okay. Rest.
~Greta hoists Miller up for a bodyslam. She’s struggling. She’s sucking wind. But she’s determined. She gets her hands under Miller and she presses him up. Her arms extend...she’s got him up there! The homeless people are kinda impressed~
Who’Re: Would you look at...OH NO
~Greta’s arms give out. Miller falls on top of her. Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings~
Predator: Here is your winner…Dale ‘The Bum’ Miller!
Who’Re: Oh no! Poor Greta!
~The bums go wild. Strokin begins to play. Dale pops to his feet and Strokes around the ring. Greta throws a tantrum before rolling out and storming up the ramp. Dale leans against the dilapidated guardrail. We see bloodstains from the explosion that took place a few weeks back. He extends his arm, saying, “LET’S FUCKIN PARTY!” One bum wraps a tiny tube around his arm and ties it...pulling it tight. Another bum injects drugs into his veins. Miller yells out, “YEA!”~
Who’Re: I don’t judge how people choose to celebrate. How about you, Marcus?
Welsh: -snores-
Who’Re: It appears our commander in chief has passed out. Well, I hope you guys watching on Youtube enjoyed tonight’s show. We’ll be back in the near future with another match as we look to crown the next OCW Champion! I appreciate everyone for listening to me and hope you thought I did a good job. Good night!
~We cut outside. A distraught Greta Wolfe is heading for her car. A noise catches her ear~
Voice: Psst.
Greta Wolfe: WHO IS THAT?
~A figure skulks from the darkness. He’s hunched over. He’s deformed. He can barely speak~
Greta Wolfe: Who...what the fuck are you?
Figure: I am Liljungleman.
Greta Wolfe: LiljungleMAN? Sorry. I have zero interest in talking to you.
Liljungleman: You want to win? I help you win.
Greta Wolfe: I don’t need ANY help from a MAN.
~Liljungleman unveils a box full of needles. All the needles are loaded with some type of serum~
Liljungleman: Scott Syren. His secret. Here. He gone now. So I give them to you.
Greta Wolfe: No offense, but I don’t need to train like a man. And the very insinuation that I should is insulting and extremely patriarchal.
Liljungleman: I know nothing about that. This mix of meth, cocaine, caffeine, steroids, and bath salts. I think. But if you can not handle. I understand.
Greta Wolfe: What was that? You think a woman can’t handle Scott Syren’s training serum? Give me that!
~Greta takes the bottle of needles~
Greta Wolfe: I’m Greta Wolfe. And you haven’t seen the last of me.
~We fade to black~