LIVE! April 11th 2022
FROM The Island
STATUS: Are we ever getting off this thing?!
~Welcome back to another episode of Massacre: Island Time! That’s right, we’re still on this fuckin island. Everybody SEEMS to be holding up pretty well...but for how much longer? Let’s hope we don’t have to find out. We’re given a shot of the beach with most of the OCW staff and roster wandering around, trying to figure out how to pass the day without killing one another. Panning upward, we turn toward the trees, flying over them, beyond the clearing where Massacre was held last week. We continue to soar deeper and deeper into the island before slowing and coming to rest over a second clearing. It looks pretty much like the first, aside from several coconut trees surrounding it. Welsh stands, arms folded, watching the ring crew tightening the posts to the ring, getting everything set up. Other members of OCW are ripping palm fronds down and using them to create torches that can be lit later in the evening. On one knee is The Knife Man, working on some kind of electric station, solar powered (of course) to keep the phones used for producing this thing charged. It’s all very primal yet very sophisticated and not really worth me going into. Just know that he’s GETTING IT DONE. Our time picks up speed, fast forwarding through the process. As we pan back up, we see people making their way toward the clearing from the beach...wrestlers, staff, everybody eager to do something other than staring at the ocean, hopelessly awaiting rescue. And, before too long, the palm fronds are all lit...torches are activated, the cell phone is in place, the ring is set up and it’s time for another episode of MONDAY NIGHT MASSACRE! Jones and Hood are seated atop the couch TLS made earlier in the week with the cell phone propped up behind them~
Jones: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre! Once again filling in for Smith, I’m Jones!
Hood: And I’m sick of this fucking island!
Jones: Calm down, we’ve only just begun! Folks, yes, we’re still out here...stranded, hungry, increasingly irritated...but, the show must go on and go on it shall as we have several matches for you tonight including two incredible triple threats!
Hood: Including a match with coconuts.
Jones: Yes, that should be NUTS
Hood: I’m going to murder you in your sleep.
Jones: I certainly hope not! Fans, it's been a horrible 2 weeks on this island but I'm told our esteemed GM, sir Marcus Welsh
Hood: Oh, we're calling him sir now?
Jones: It just fell off the tongue.
Hood: Might wanna run it by him first. Have you seen some of the dirty fuckers that get knighted? I'm not sure he wants to be associated with those types.
Jones: I'll be sure to do that.
Hood: He's standing right there. You could literally ask him, right now.
Jones: Maybe later. He looks bothered. But, going back to my earlier line of topic...desperate times, fans. Desperate times that our esteemed GM and majority owner is actively looking to fix. I'm told earlier today he experimented with, The Portal Potty.
Hood: My fingers and pubes are crossed.
Jones: Gross.
~We cut to the jungle earlier in the day. The Portal Potty rests in front of Welsh. The Knife Man approaches from behind, through the jungle, quietly. His knife ready to strike. He sneaks up behind Welsh and he raises his knife high in the air...he brings it down and...taps Welsh on the shoulder. Welsh turns around~
Marcus Welsh: HOLY PICKLES
~He nearly has a heart attack before calming down~
Marcus Welsh: Knifey, man. If you ever wanted to try your hand at breaking and entering, you’d be great.
~They share a hearty laugh~
Marcus Welsh: Anyway, did you bring him?
The Knife Man: I sure did. I give you OCW ring crew member #4. Or, as he’s known by his family and loved ones, Tre.
Marcus Welsh: Ello, Tre.
Tre: Ello Govnah!
~Welsh looks at Knife Man like ‘wtf’. Tre laughs...once he sees nobody is laughing with him he calms down~
Tre: Sorry, I heard you say ‘ello’ and thought we were doing this british thing and, well…
~They stare at him~
Tre: Nevermind. Sup?
~Welsh puts his arm around Tre and spins him around, facing the Portal Potty. The Knife Man jams his giant blade into the lock around the Portal Potty, jimmying it open~
Marcus Welsh: Tre, it sucks being out here, right?
Tre: It sure does!
Marcus Welsh: An opinion shared by all. Including some of the women…like Alice, Lissandra, and Meghan.
Tre: Oh boy that Meghan. She’s so hot.
Marcus Welsh: Easy, Tre. How would you like to be the hero? How would you like to be the one who saves us all?
Tre: Sir, I’m all about helping OCW. OCW has given me everything.
~Welsh pats Tre on the back~
Marcus Welsh: Terrific. So, here’s what we’re gonna do.
~Welsh points at The Knife Man. The Knife Man opens the Portal Potty. When the door opens we hear a loud roar of wind and howling of noises. They get blasted by an interdimensional breeze~
Tre: Whoa. That thing sure is fierce.
Marcus Welsh: Yes, fierce. But kind to a heart of courage. Do you have a heart of courage, Tre?
Tre: I’d like to think so.
Marcus Welsh: That’s not a yes.
Tre: Yes. I most certainly do.
Marcus Welsh: Then we’ve got nothing to worry about. So, I want you to tie this rope to your leg and then jump right on into the Portal Potty. If you find a safe location, you wiggle the rope and we’ll all follow in behind you. Okay?
Tre: Hmm. Allllright. That sounds kinda dangerous, I mean, do we know where it’s going to take me?
Marcus Welsh: TRE! You have a heart of courage, don’t you?
Tre: I do.
Marcus Welsh: Then, you’ll be fine.
~The rope has already been tired around Tre’s leg courtesy of The Knife Man. Tre looks up and Welsh points at the Portal Potty. Tre turns and stares into the digital snow~
Marcus Welsh: You’ll be fine, Tre. I promise.
Tre: Well, if you promise. Okay. Here we...go!!!!
~Tre bends his knees and he claps his hands together. Welsh looks at Knife Man and they chant “Tre! Tre! Tre!” Tre leaps up and he dives straight into the Portal Potty!!! It consumes him. He vanishes inside the digital snow. The rope sits on the ground...it doesn’t move like it would if he dove into a cave or a well. They stand back and watch, arms folded~
Marcus Welsh: What do you think? You think he made it somewhere safe?
The Knife Man: I hope so. He seemed like a good guy.
Marcus Welsh: I’m sure he’s fine. We’ll be off this island in no time.
The Knife Man: Yessir. I believe it.
~Suddenly, the rope begins to shake~
Marcus Welsh: The rope is shaking!! He made it! We’re saved!
The Knife Man: How about that man Tre! HOW BOUT HIM
Marcus Welsh: I’m gonna give him a raise. Bump him up to eight bucks an hour!
The Knife Man: Sir, he already makes more than that.
Marcus Welsh: Oh. Well, then, I’m gonna give him a high five.
~The rope continues to shake~
Marcus Welsh: You wanna dip your head in or should I?
The Knife Man: …
Marcus Welsh: Ya know what? I’ll pull on the rope a little bit...just enough to get his head above the snow so he can tell us what’s on the other end.
The Knife Man: Great idea, boss! That’s why you make the big bucks!
~Knife Man slowly pulls back on the rope...inch by inch it is yanked from the snow. Finally, a shoe appears. It’s Tre’s dirty, ripped up Nike that’s been enduring the wilderness for two weeks. They continue to pull. Tre’s ankle. Knife Man continues to pull. We get his calf...about to reach his knee when, suddenly, torn apart flesh, muscle, bone, and blood appear. Welsh’s eyes widen. The Knife Man continues to pull until it’s obvious all that remains is Tre’s leg from the knee down. The rest has been ripped apart by some vicious creature on the other end. The Knife Man, on one knee, pulls until the leg falls out of the Portal Potty and onto the ground in front of him. He stares at it. Welsh stares at it~
Marcus Welsh: Hmm.
The Knife Man: Do you think he…
Marcus Welsh: No.
The Knife Man: Right. So, obviously not what we were hoping for.
Marcus Welsh: Nope.
~A deep, feral roar sounds out from within the Portal Potty. The Knife Man looks at Welsh~
The Knife Man: Do you want me to…
Marcus Welsh: Yes.
~The Knife Man stands and slams the Portal Potty shut, securing it. Welsh continues staring at Tre’s leg~
The Knife Man: Secured.
Marcus Welsh: Good. Don’t open it again.
The Knife Man: What about the leg?
Marcus Welsh: Throw it into the ocean. Not a word of this. To anyone.
The Knife Man: What about Tre’s family?
Marcus Welsh: We’ll just say he was the guy that got sucked out of the plane.
The Knife Man: What about THAT guy’s family?
Marcus Welsh: Do we even know who that guy was?
The Knife Man: No.
Marcus Welsh: Problem solved.
~The Knife Man grabs Tre’s leg and hides it, heading to the beach to throw it into the ocean. Welsh reaches into his pocket and removes the golden cell phone with ‘TD’ on it. His thumb hovers over the ‘on’ button~
Marcus Welsh: Put your pride aside, Marcus. One phone call and we’re out of here.
~He starts to press it. He stops and shoves it back into his pocket~
Marcus Welsh: Nope. Not going down that route. No way. We’ll figure something out. We always do.
~Welsh storms off~
BRIM (11-4) vs. Hades (0-1)
~Hades is already in the ring. He looks down toward the mat and drops to one knee as though he’s trying to summon some power or demons from the underworld. Of course, nothing happens...nothing we can see, anyway. But, Hades shakes a little bit, acting as though he’s gaining strength~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...Hades!
~Not much of a reaction, outside of Zeus who claps his hands loudly and cheers from the audience. Several staffers look his way as if to say, “Holy shit this guy is annoying.” The magical cell phone that plays entrance themes starts to emit the recognizable lyrics from “Killjill” by Big Boi ft. Killer Mike and Young Jeezy. BRIM emerges from the jungle looking as irascible as ever. Everybody gets out of his way as he totes the Savage Title over his shoulder, marching toward the ring~
Belvedere: And, his opponent...from Baltimore, Maryland...standing 6’3 and weighing in at 385lbs...he is the OCW Savage Champion...he is...BRIM!!!!
~BRIM stomps up the steps and enters. Belvedere takes the Savage Title and exits. BRIM looks across the ring at Hades, who is still trying to summon demons. Unbeknownst to him, one has entered the ring and is seconds away from making his impending in-ring experience a nightmare. Scruff motions toward The Knife Man. He yells out “DING! DING!” And, we’re underway~
Jones: BRIM managed to locate the crew on last week’s show and now he’s returning to the ring to freshen up before he defends his title against Kelson.
Hood: No doubt the dude saw Kelson score the pinfall in that epic six person tag last week. He knows he’s gonna have to bring his ‘A’ game if he wants to hold onto that Savage Championship.
Jones: Absolutely. Although, I’m not sure defeating Hades can really prepare a person for Kelson Hewitt.
Hood: BRIM’s unbeaten in 2022, Smith. Don’t question his methods.
Jones: Ugh, not the Smith stuff again!
~Hades rises and he holds his arms in the air, shaking them. He appears to be speaking in tongues...that or he’s trying to speak spanish. We don’t really know. He walks up and he rears back with both hands and SLAMS them into BRIM’s barrel sized chest. BRIM doesn’t move. Hades looks at his hands...he looks at BRIM’s chest...he does it again! BRIM does not move. Hades looks at his hands in disbelief...he slowly looks up at BRIM’s face...fear consumes him~
Jones: It appears as though Hades powers have failed him.
Hood: Fuckin underworld napping on the job!
~BRIM grabs Hades by the head before he can get away. He leans in with a HUGE headbutt!! The employees surrounding the ring wince and recoil at the sound of BRIM’s skull smashing into Hades. Zeus looks on, shaking his head. BRIM hoists Hades up and drapes him over his back, heading pointed toward the mat. BRIM jumps up and he drops Hades on his head with CRACKIN NECKS!!! Hades is lifeless. BRIM leans against him for the pin. Scruff dives in~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~Knife Man yells out “DING! DING!”~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...the OCW Savage Champion...BRIM!!!!!
Jones: Easy win for BRIM as, fortunately for the Savage Champion, Hades powers evaded him tonight.
Hood: Hades powers ALWAYS evade him. It’s...it’s like he doesn’t have any powers.
Jones: Shocking. BRIM continues to look like the monster that’s remained unbeaten in 2022. The monster that ended the undefeated streak of Supreme Machine. The monster that has its sights set on Kelson Hewitt in two weeks.
Hood: Kelson’s a badass but he hasn’t faced ANYTHING like BRIM.
Jones: That match should be a great one.
~We join Dylan and Lissandra somewhere in the woods of the island. They are talking about something or other when there’s a loud cracking noise!~
Dylan: What the hell was that?!
Lissandra: The sound was coming from behind us.
Dylan: I’m gonna go check it out. You stay here.
Lissandra: Hell no! Don’t you know this is how most horror movies start?!
~Dylan kisses Lissandra and slowly walks towards the noise. Again another cracking noise is heard~
Lissandra: Get the hell back here, Dylan!
~Dylan shushes Lissandra and separates some trees that are in his way, moving the leaves out of his way~
Dylan: Oh……my……GOD!
~Dylan can’t believe his eyes. It’s Harry from Harry and the Hendersons!!~
Dylan: There ARE sasquatches here! Hey Harry! Big fan!
~Harry turns around in horror as someone has found him and starts to run away, but Dylan gives chase~
Dylan: WAIT! WAIT, Harry! Wait!!!
~We cut back to Lissandra who is standing alone on the beach. Dylan is lost through the wilderness~
Lissandra: Dylan?
~Ever the professional, Lissandra shrugs her shoulders~
Lissandra: I’m sure he’s fine. We still have a show to do. I’ll join Jones and Hood
~She walks over to the commentary team looking a little disheveled, but still amazing, given the circumstances~
Lissandra: Hey, guys.
Jones: Lissandra! Still swearing in front of your daughter?
Lissandra: Come on Jones, we fell out years ago. Bygones?
Jones: Hmph.
Hood: Rude, Smith. Well I for one am glad to have you here, with us Lissie. You’re looking great as always. Where’s Dylan?
Lissandra: Always nice to be around the Voice of the A-List, Hood. Dylan. Dylan is….. I’m not really sure actually, Hood. Have you lost weight?
Jones: I told you, Hood... I'm not... Oh, forget it! Let’s cut to commercial!
~We cut to commercial~
~Vee and Ronnie appear on the OCWtron set up in wilderness for who, no one exactly knows but at least Jones and Hood are there for it. Again, Victoria wears her hair in a ponytail while Veronica’s hair is left down and a bit darker with that hint of red.~
Ronnie: You ready for tonight? Grenier is new to us, but we already have one over Kelson so use that knowledge!
Vee: Yeah, I know. I am ready Ronnie.
Jones: Our TransAtlantic Champion………s.
Hood: Classic OCW, baby!
~Ronnie looks at the strap around Vee’s waist and back up at her.~
Ronnie: Nervous?
Vee: No, not really. Will just be nice to get the chance to smack around Grenier on behalf of Auntie Teebag.
Ronnie: Yeah, I feel that.
~Vee is about to say something when she sees someone that makes her smile wide.~
Vee: KNIFEY!!!
~Vee runs and jumps up into a hug from the big mechanic SLASH medic known as The Knife Man. He looks excited too but is still taken back that there are two of them. Vee hops down.~
Vee: How ya been, buddy?
~The Knifeman waves his knife around as Ronnie and Vee laugh.~
Hood: When did he get so popular?
Jones: I have heard Ronnie say that he’s the best gynecologist she’s ever had.
Hood: I have no words, Smith.
Vee: That’s great! Wanna help me and Ronnie find Marcus?
~Knifey nods as the trio make their way through the area in search of Marcus Welsh.~
CJ O’Donnell (2-1) vs. Clubbin Man (0-2)
Jones: We are all set for our next match-up between Clubbin Man and “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell.
Hood: Things are not going to be pretty. Did you hear what CJ wants to do to Clubbin Man?
Jones: Yeah he threatened to take out his eye.
Hood: Not a threat Jones if CJ says it’s more like a GUARAN-DAMN-TEE!
Jones: I am hoping OCW Officials wont allow him to do that to another man. Let’s head to the ring as Belvedere is already standing in the ring.
Belvedere: Our next match is scheduled for one fall introducing first walking down to the ring …
~Clubbin Man walks down to the ring as he stops and proceeds to do a dance move. Clubbin Man stands up with his hands outward in a fist and pulls them toward himself. As he is pulling his hands toward himself, he slides one of his feet back, but stays in the same spot.~
Jones: Why is he doing the Running Man?
Hood: Your guess is as good as mine.
Jones: Maybe it is his warm-up. He needs to get his blood flowing.
Hood: He looks like a fool and is going to slip on this desert. It is not the best footing in the world.
~Clubbin Man stops doing the Running Man and begins to walk to the ring. He takes about five steps before “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell jumps out from behind a tree and drives a forearm square to the right side of his face. Clubbin Man falls straight backwards into the sand. CJ then drives his knee straight into his face as Clubbin Man sunglasses go flying up in the air. Clubbin Man holding his face as The Distinguished is just smiling.~
Jones: Well I guess CJ didn’t want to wait for the bell.
Hood: CJ is a man on a mission. This is not going to be pretty.
~O’Donnell sees the sunglasses on the sand and he stomps on them shattering them to pieces. He picks a large piece up and jams it into the right eye of Clubbin Man. Immediately, Clubbin Man grabs his eye as CJ has grin on his face from ear to ear.~
Jones: Is he _really_ going to take out another man’s eye?
Hood: It looks like that and _EYE_ love it!
Jones: That was a horrible joke.
~CJ grabs Clubbin Man by his hair to pull him up. O’Donnell slaps him a few times on the left side of his face as Clubbin Man is still holding his right eye protecting it from any further damage. CJ has tossed Clubbin Man underneath the bottom ropes and the bell has officially rung.~
Jones: Guess this is an official match now.
Hood: This is about to be the massacre of Clubbin Man.
Jones: I may not like CJ’s strategy but it works. Having an opponent only have one good eye for a match makes it more difficult for him to hit a moving target.
~CJ still has that piece of Clubbin Man sunglasses in his hand as he has rolled underneath the bottom ropes. Clubbin Man has gotten up to a knee and CJ comes charging out of the corner and connects with a running knee to the right side of his face.~
Jones: IRISH KNOWLEDGE BY CJ! Thankfully this match is over.
Hood: It doesn’t look like CJ is done with Clubbin Man.
~CJ looks down at Clubbin Man and he notices that his eye is bleeding and a piece of the sunglasses is in the eye. O’Donnell sees this as an opportunity and he applies pressure back to his eye and he pushes down on the piece of the sunglasses. Clubbin Man begins kicking his feet on the mat. Scruff is starting to count one … two … three … four … fi- …. CJ looks at Scruff and just smiles at him. Scruff is telling him to end this already and O’Donnell shakes his head no.~
Jones: CJ needs to see a doctor whenever we get off of this island. He is one sick and twisted individual.
Hood: Yeah you’d probably have a better chance of making a housewife out of Who’re.
~O’Donnell waits for Clubbin Man to get to his feet. CJ goes to grab him but Clubbin Man elbows CJ in the ribs. Another elbow. Clubbin Man this time with a slap in the face of CJ.~
Jones: Clubbin Man with some fight left in him.
Hood: That was not a smart move on his part. He should of just played dead because it just pissed of CeeJay more.
~CJ rubs his face as he is backed into the corner. Clubbin Man comes charging at CJ but he leaps frogs over him. Clubbin Man hits the corner sternum first as CJ bounces off the opposite ropes. On the rebound The Distinguished One connects with a running single knee to the right eye of Clubbin Man. ~
Hood: CeeJay connects with a second Irish Knowledge but this one did a lot more damage than before.
Jones: OHMYGOD! I am going to be sick…
Hood: HOLYSH!T … CJ actually did it.
~Clubbin Man lets out a scream and is rolling around on the mat holding his eye. Scruff is calling for medical assistance. CJ looks down at his chest and sees a red substance all over it. He looks to his left and about five feet from him is an eye rolling around in the ring. Knife Man is about to enter the ring but CJ stops him from entering. Scruff is about to call for the bell but O’Donnell grabs his right arm and yells … ~
CJ O’Donnell: NOT YET!
~CJ walks over to Clubbin Man and drives a boot into the sternum into the chest of Clubbin Man. Clubbin Man sits up and CJ takes his right thumb and sticks it into the right eye socket of Clubbin Man. Some blood squirts out and lands on CJ’s wrestling boots. Before Clubbin Man can tap Scruff calls for the bell. ~
Belvedere: The winner of this match … “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell!!
Jones: Can someone please get CJ off of Clubbin Man. He needs someone to look at that eye of his.
Hood: I don’t think anyone is going to fix it.
~ CJ finally takes his right thumb out of the right eye socket of Clubbin Man. Clubbin Man rolls outside of the ring and Knife Man begins to do his examination. Scruff rolls outside of the ring to help Knife Man. ~
~ CJ looks very pleased with what he accomplished here in the ring tonight. He walks over to the ropes and tells Belvedere to hand him a microphone. Belvedere hands O’Donnell a mic and then goes back to his seat. ~
CJ O’Donnell: TIO … Were you watching? Did you see what I just did to Clubbin Man. He was a casualty of our war. His blood is on your hands not mine. What happened to him is all your fault. So go ahead and confess your sins to your mysterious woman and tribe. Do you think they will help you?
~O’Donnell sees the right eye of Clubbin Man rolling around on the mat. CJ smirks before he stomps on it. A jellylike substance oozes onto the mat. ~
CJ O’Donnell: You better sleep with both eyes open TIO. Our Buried Alive Match will not be the end of our story. It is just the beginning. Oh and by the way I hope your new mysterious woman has a better fate than Jenna and Leslie.
~The staff looks around like “Geezus, this guy is crazy.” A few walk up to clean the ring once CJ leaves...but, ya know, they aren’t too excited about scraping a squashed eyeball off the mat~
Jones: Turnabout is fairplay. Twenty years ago Clubbin Man became famous by scooping another man’s eye out on the dance floor at a local club. Tonight? Payback.
Hood: CJ’s serious. He’s not fucking around, as if that weren’t totally obvious. TIO had better be ready.
Jones: Yep. Their match at Technical Difficulties will be one of the most violent. One of the most personal we’ve ever seen.
~Before we move back to ringside to start Mark Storm versus Vortex, and ALICE KNIGHT appears dancing around the “backstage” with some type of earbuds in her ears that are Bluetooth connected to an iPod. She looks to be having a lot of fun.~
Jones: There we have Alice seemingly dancing all her cares away!
Hood: Ugh, thank god Smith isn’t here. I don’t have to listen to his dribble about how “great” she is.
Jones: I don’t know, what’s not to like?
Hood: Sonofabitch it’s an epidemic!
~If there were fans there would be booing going on that was so loud that even Mack O’Connor wouldn’t hear the wet footsteps in the shower coming up behind him as he went to retrieve his fallen bar of soap. It’s the Dravers twins.~
Jonathan: Well look what we have here!
Nathan: A distracted Alice, in need of another WORTHY adjustment!
Jones: Uh-oh, looks like Alice might have a couple superkicks in her future!
Hood: One can only hope, Smith. One can only hope.
~The Dravers’ look at one another, smile and get in position to SUPERKICK OCW’s resident Owl lady. Again, if there were fans they would be popping right now as the COWGIRLS FROM HELL appear behind them.~
Hood: What the hell are they doing there?!
Jones: Looks like they are preventing an attack from behind on Alice!
Hood: Well, I do not approve, Smith.
Meghan: Ahem!
Tamika: Boys!
~The twins turn around to see the soles of the snakeskin boots of CFH just centimeters(hey, the girls are half Canadian #Metric) from their faces.~
Tamika: We suggest that you kindly fuck off and let the Owl lady dance, yeah?
Meghan: Yeah, that we do because we kick harder than you two little twits.
~The Dravers’ laugh, shaking their heads as Jonathan motions to Nathan to follow his lead.~
Jonathan: Yeah, whatever…
Nathan: She’s not WORTH the trouble anyway.
~As the Dravers’ leave CJ O’DONNELL enters the scene and he looks concerned as Alice hasn’t noticed all the commotion as she dances to HOOBASTANK.~
CJ O’Donnell: What FOOK is going on?!
Tamika: Oh those Dravers’ idiots were about to surprise superkick Alice.
Meghan: We got rid of them.
~Alice sees CJ and waves excitedly as she continues her early 00s dance-a-thon. CJ smiles at her and looks back to CFH. The Distinguished looks at The Cowgirls From Hell and a smirk appears on his face. ~
CJ O’Donnell: Do you ladies have a moment? There’s something I would like to run by you.
~Meghan and Tamika look at one another and back to CJ and nod as the three walk off scene with Alice following with dance behind them.~
Jones: Well, CJ was very happy CFH was there to save the day!
Hood: Or ruin the day. Depends on perspective, Smith.
Jones: I’m not Smith you insufferable jerk!
Hood: Need a tampon, Smith?
Jones: Leave me alone, ya jerk! Folks, next up it’s more singles action as Mark Storm, the #1 contender for the Craze Title steps into the ring!
Mark Storm (4-0) vs. Vortex (0-1)
~Vortex is in the ring, spinning around. Kinda sad he’s without Debris. But, I guess there wasn’t enough trash for Debris to collect so he could fulfill the gimmick. Vortex spins and spins as Belvedere watches, wondering if he’s going to stop. Finally, Belvedere gives up and does his job~
Belvedere: Spinning around the ring...Vortex!
~A very light smattering of applause~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~Short Change Hero by The Heavy plays from the epic music cell phone. Mark Storm emerges from the woods looking all healed up and refocused after last week’s epic match. He steps toward the ring and hustles up the steps, entering through the ropes~
Belvedere: From Brooklyn, New York, standing 6’3 and weighing in at 225lbs...he is Your Hero and Mine...he is the #1 Contender for the Craze Title...he is...Mark Storm!!!
~Belvedere exits. The Knife Man yells out “DING! DING!” Storm watches Vortex spin and spin and spin. Is this guy gonna stop? Is he gonna get sick? Is he gonna PUKE all over the canvas?~
Jones: Mark Storm is undefeated since returning to OCW. He’s got the biggest test of his return in two weeks when he faces the undefeated Tamika Strader for the Craze Championship.
Hood: This feels like Storm’s turn. This FEELS like the moment when Mark Storm capitalizes on all that potential. But, then again, the winds could change.
Jones: Talent has never been the question. It’s always been luck and motivation. Are the stars aligned? We’ll find out in two weeks as he faces Tamika.
Hood: In the meantime, he’s gotta deal with stupidity spinning round and round and round.
~Vortex spins toward Storm. Storm thrusts his leg forward with a Chest Kick!!! Vortex stops spinning and he drops to one knee, gasping for air. Storm hits the ropes, he bounces off and he cracks Vortex in the side of the head with Shoot to Kill!!! Vortex falls over, on the mat~
Jones: And, just like that, Tornado Warning has been eradicated.
Hood: Vicious kicks and knees by Mark Storm. Storm versus Vortex...you really hate to see weather on weather crime, man.
~Storm yanks Vortex off the mat and onto his shoulders. He pauses, staring into the cell camera. He then tosses Vortex over and crushes his face with Incursio!!!! Vortex collapses onto the mat, unconscious. Storm makes the cover. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The Knife Man yells ‘DING DING!!!’~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...MARK STORM!!!!!
Jones: Mark Storm with another victory, running his tally up to 5-0.
Hood: Can’t stop. Won’t stop.
Jones: I can’t wait to see his match at Technical Difficulties. The ultimate test to find out if Mark Storm is the star we all hope he is and know he can be.
Hood: Right on.
~We cut back to where Wilson is smiling into the camera. He has a bandage over his eye after last week’s SEEING DOUBLE~
Wilson: Hey fans! Wilson here.
???: Wilson!
Wilson: Oh no….
~**THWACK** A SEEING DOUBLE to Wilson’s face again~
Nathan: Get the fuck off of our camera time.
Jones: These two have got to be stopped!
Hood: What? These segments are my favourite of every show!
Jonathan: SO! Where to start? Where to start?!
Nathan: How about at Technical Difficulties, we have the chance to get our titles back?
Jonathan: An excellent point. And it would have been an easy two on two affair had TLS not stuck his nose in and crowbarred his way into a match without even stating who his partner for the match is!
Nathan: Well, no matter, the fact is that those tag team titles belong to the Dravers Twins anyway and at Technical Difficulties we’ll finally get them back. I mean technically we SHOULD have them back already but no. Welsh had to go suck Bobby G’s dick and give our spot to the Lockwood Party at Luck of the Violent.
Jonathan: But it’s OK Welsh, we know you’re sorry. We know you see the error of your ways. And because we are so generous, we won’t kick your head off for your transgression.
~Nathan shrugs~
Nathan: This time anyway.
Jonathan: Your cameraman though?
**THWACK**
~The camera falls to the floor as the cameraman gets knocked out cold. The twins then laugh and walk away~
Catch the Replay of Luck of the Violent for the Ultra Low Price of $69.69!!!!
Hood: Wait a second. There is some rustling coming from the bushes over there at the far end.
Jones: could it be a wild animal?
~ TLS slowly steps forward and into view.~
Hood: It's worse than a wild animal. It's the Stranger.
Jones: Well he did hear that he was going to reveal who his mystery partner is tonight.
~TLS makes his way towards the center as the Dravers pass by. Some words are exchanged and the Dravers chuckle. But before the can react, TLS slaps Jonathan Dravers. Nathan is a bit shocked, both Dravers start to attack TLS~
Hood: TLS just Will Smithed one of the Dravers boys.
Jones: the twins were seem chuckling before the slap. Maybe they fun of TLS's alopecia.
~The Dravers are pummeling TLS, when out of the bushes comes ...~
Hood: It's TLS!! Coming out to save TLS!!
Jones: What in the Michael Keaton multiplicity movie is going on here?
~the second TLS is able to help fend off the Dravers. They make their way way from the center as TLS helps TLS up and they stand side by side. ~
Hood: they are dressed the same, and even have the same mannerisms, but one of them seems a little shorter than the other
Jones: I can't tell the difference. I think..
Hood: okay be quiet looks like TLS is going to speak.
TLS: there's only one person I trust to watch my back, and that's..
~he motions for the other TLS to unmask~
Hood: It's gotta be Meyhu.
Jones: if it's Meyhu, he needs to get back on the juice.
~ the second TLS unmasks, to reveal someone in TLS's old clown face paint~
TLS: I trust TLS to have my back at technical difficulties. Together we will defeat the Dangers And the Dravers.
~They make their way back into the bushes. ~
Hood: and we learned absolutely nothing.
Jones: we learned TLS is teaming up with TLS.
Hood: I mean, normally I'd say this is weird. But, it's TLS. He slaughters moose and throws women off of rooftops.
Jones: Hey, he saved her before she fell.
Hood: Not according to my canon. She fell and died. Splat. All over the sidewalk.
Jones: Well, that's your prerogative. Fans, I'm told that right now we're going to get a special announcement from Marcus Welsh!
Hood: Are we saved?!
~Marcus Welsh is standing in the ring. He looks down, trying to find any trace of Clubbin Man’s squished eyeball. But, it appears to be all gone. He turns and gives The Knife Man a thumbs up. The Knife Man raises his blade~
Jones: Respect from owner to medic SLASH mechanic.
Hood: He did a good job getting rid of the eyeball and all that gooey jizz.
Jones: Not the way I’d describe what it secreted, but okay.
~Welsh folds his hands behind his back and speaks out so everyone can hear him~
Marcus Welsh: OCW wrestlers, staff and people (hopefully) watching at home. It’s been a rough few weeks. But, rest assured, we’re making progress! However, if by some MIRACLE we’re still out here come April 24th we will move on with Technical Difficulties as scheduled. So, with that in mind...I figured we’d go ahead and finalize the card along with the stipulations for each match.
~Welsh pauses~
Marcus Welsh: This first one should be easy. Outcast will defend his OCW Championship against Plethora in a...standard wrestling match! You heard that correctly. Both wrestlers have agreed to settling their score the old fashioned way. Making this, in Classic OCW fashion, the wildest stip of the night.
~People surrounding the ring nod. One voice is heard saying, “That is so classic ocw.”~
Marcus Welsh: Next up. We’ve got our TransAtlantic Championship match with Vee Strader defending against her cousin, Supreme Machine. I heard somebody pitch a Jungle Fever match and, well, I think that’s fitting for this. A true blood feud. These two will be placed in the middle of the jungle and forced to battle it out. The first to secure a pin, submission, or knock out wins.
~More nodding and talking. That same voice is overheard saying, “Oh man Victeronica is so fucked.”~
Marcus Welsh: And that brings us to the Savage Championship. BRIM continues to show his dominance as he demolished Hades earlier tonight. He will put his 2022 undefeated streak along with his title on the line against Kelson Hewitt. What will the stipulation be? Well, going with another awesome suggestion...the Into the Swamp Match! A ring will float above the swamp...these two wrestlers will compete inside this ring as it floats, meanders, drifts through a swamp filled with reptiles and other disgusting creatures. The only rule is that the match must be won inside the ring.
~More nodding and talking~
Marcus Welsh: That brings us to the Tag Team Championships. The Danger Boiz finally earned the OCW Tag Titles...the only straps that had evaded them throughout their illustrious career. Since, they’ve been unbeatable. They will, once again, put their Tag Titles on the line at Technical Difficulties against two teams...The Dravers Twins and TLS who will team with...TLS. The stipulation? An Outback Escape Match. All six wrestlers will be scattered inside a maze-like area. Their goal is to locate the tag titles and escape with them. The first time to have both members escape with the titles will be declared victorious.
~More nodding and talking. That voice speaks up again, “Outback? Will there be steak?!”~
Marcus Welsh: And that leads us to the Craze Title Match. Tamika Strader puts her undefeated record and Craze Title on the line against the equally undefeated Mark Storm. A tremendous match that should launch the winner into main event status. So, what stipulation are we going for here? A 50 Shades of Tarzan Match. The Craze Title will hang over the ring from a branch. To win, a wrestler must retrieve the belt and return to the ring. They can do so by climbing across the branch and grabbing the title and dropping to the mat OR they can utilize one of four vines that hang in each corner...swinging from the vine to collect the title and return it to the ring.
~MORE NODDING AND TALKING. That voice speaks once more, “Too bad Curt Canon isn’t in this one!”~
Marcus Welsh: That takes us to the epic grudge match between The Incredible One and CJ O’Donnell. Those two have requested a Buried Alive Match and that’s what they shall receive.
~More Nodding and Talking. The voice comments, “I’d like to bury something inside Alice, IF you know what I mean, ha ha ha”~
Marcus Welsh: Excuse me, SIR. Could you pipe down? Your comments are very distracting.
~He shuts his mouth~
Marcus Welsh: And, finally...we’ll open the show with six competitors all vying for a shot at the Craze Title. Bob Grenier, Easton Alexander, El Knuckle, Sadie Ko, Crash Rodriguez, and Roach will all face off in a Process of Elimination Match! An OCW classic returns! Two teams of three...the teams will be decided right before match time. Those two teams will square off...the first phase will be elimination style. After three eliminations, the match will immediately transition into a triple threat...sudden death, first pinfall wins.
~The people clap~
Marcus Welsh: And there you have it. The official lineup for Technical Difficulties. Another all-time great assembly of talent as OCW continues to do it better than everyone else. Now, let’s get back to tonight’s show!
~They all applaud Welsh as he exits the ring~
Jones: Those are some wild matches, Hood.
Hood: I’m so impressed with the talent he’s assembled since January. This roster looks completely different but every bit as talented, if not more-so than it has ever looked in the past.
Jones: I can’t argue that. Top to bottom this is an all-time elite roster.
Hood: Now, if we could just get them off the island so they don’t all die.
Jones: That would be great.
~it's a beautiful day on wrestle island. The staff and crew of OCW in the usual hustle and panic that wrestling show provides, but it's a controlled chaos, with everybody having a job to do. “Your hero, and mine” Mark Storm and Greg Murphy are playing a round of cards, just passing the time until they can leave this forsaken rock.~
Murphy: Do you have any 3’s?
Storm: … What? I thought we were playing Cribbage?
Murphy: When have we ever played Cribbage?
~A break in the peace of the card game as a very angry Easton Alexander is approaching in the background.~
Easton: HEY MARK. LEMME TALK TO YOU AND GREG FOR A SECOND.
~ Storm and Murphy Shoot to their feet~
Murphy: Oh shit.
Storm: Oh we can do more than talk you fucking nutcase!
Alexander: Let's go then! We don't have to wait!
~The staff noticing the commotion come to break up the impending fight, holding back the two fighters~
Alexander: I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FACE AND THEN I'M GONNA BREAK GREG’S LEG AGAIN, ONCE I GET OVER THERE YOUR FUCKED.
Storm: Bullshit! you want me to drop you on your neck like I did last time?!
Alexander: Please try that shit again! It won’t work twice!
~The OCW staff break up the argument, Alexander storms off the way he came as Storm and Murphy continue their game. Tamika Strader approaches Easton, looking for some conversation.~
Tamika: So… what did we learn?
~fade to black~
Easton Alexander (1-2) vs. Sadie Ko (0-0) vs. CYPHER (0-1)
~Belvedere stands in the ring. The crew surrounding the area hold their torches up high for illumination. That dark, orange hue, once again, giving a very unique and slightly macabre vibe. It’s time for our first of two triple threats. Belvedere clears his throat~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a triple threat contest and it is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
~Everybody pauses. A sense of unease fills the thick air. An unnaturally chilling breeze cuts through, blowing in the direction of a figure, approaching. It’s movements aren’t natural, in the human sense. It crawls from the thick foliage surrounding the area, emerging closer and closer. The wind picks up, fucking with the torches, causing all the fire to blink rapidly, creating a strobe effect. They suddenly go out~
Jones: Ah!
Hood: Well, that’s it for us, everybody. See you next week!
~The torches all light back up in unison and we find Sadie Ko standing near the ring. The staffers surrounding the ring jump back in shock and slight terror. Sadie makes her way to the ring as Black Moth - Blackbirds Fall plays from the cell phone. The torches continue to flicker on and off via the unnatural breeze swirling through the area. Sadie finds herself in the ring, standing in a corner. Belvedere swallows hard before resuming his duties~
Belvedere: From Weston State Hospital, West Virginia, standing 6’1 and weighing in at 192lbs...Sadie Ko!!!
Jones: Sadie Ko making her debut.
Hood: So, is she dead? Is she alive? Is she both? What is going on?!
Jones: There are a lot of rumors swirling, not unlike the wind…
Hood: Geezus. You are so bad at this.
Jones: LOTS OF RUMORS SWIRLING as to where and how she came to be part of OCW. But, nothing concrete, as far as I’m aware. All I know is she’s in OCW and management, while anxious in her presence, is said to be very excited about her future.
Hood: Of course they are. Soulless bastards.
Belvedere: Introducing next…
~Maniac - Carpenter Brut blasts from the magical theme cell phone. Easton Alexander appears! We were kinda worried. He seems to have trouble finding his way around the jungle. He marches toward the ring bitching and complaining to anyone who can hear him about the conditions and having to face ‘this bitch’ while pointing at Sadie~
Belvedere: From North Bay Ontario Canada...standing 6’1 and weighing in at 210lbs...he is the Canadian Dragon...he is...Easton Alexander!!!
Jones: Easton has a tough go of it this week, navigating the jungle.
Hood: Yea, he put a pretty good dent in the tree population. Ripping chunks out of various trees to try and mark his path only to, ya know, remain lost.
Jones: The jungle will play tricks on even the most directionally sound individuals.
~Inside the ring, Easton keeps his distance from Sadie. A normal reaction by, well, normal people~
Belvedere: And, their opponent…
~"Fortune Days" by the Glitch Mob hits! Glitch Mob! An OCW favorite band! Easton turns and waits, leaning over the top rope while Sadie remains in place. Easton waits and waits...he looks at a fictitious watch around his wrist~
Jones: CYPHER has been apart of OCW for a few months now and, well, he’s yet to do much.
Hood: Yea, look at Easton. He’s not expecting CYPHER to show. A sentiment I think we all share. Hell, I don’t even remember seeing him on the plane.
Jones: Same.
~Easton gets fed up and throws his arms in the air, turning to Belvedere and yelling, “HE AIN’T COMING! START THE MATCH!” Easton glares at Sadie, ready to tear her apart. Belvedere looks at Scruff. Scruff looks at Welsh...Welsh gives the surroundings another once over, trying to give CYPHER every opportunity to show up. He waits...he waits...he sighs. He starts to give in when, out of the darkness emerges a stumbling figure. Stepping into the orange light is...CYPHER~
Jones: He’s here!
Hood: Color me SHOCKED
Belvedere: From Adelaide, Australia...standing 5’9 and weighing in at 225lbs...he is The Superior Design...he is...CYPHER!!!
~CYPHER enters the ring and walks past Belvedere as the ring announcer exits. CYPHER looks at Easton, who has his arms folded, shaking his head, “Took you long enough.” CYPHER ignores the insult, sizing up Sadie. He raises a curious eyebrow as if to say, “Who...What the fuck is that?!” Knife Man suddenly yells out ‘DING! DING!’ and Easton rushes CYPHER! He pummels CYPHER with right hands, bullying him into a corner where he continues his assault~
Jones: CYPHER was taken back by Sadie’s appearance which allowed a very agitated Easton a window of opportunity.
Hood: I mean, who WOULDN’T be bothered by her appearance? I’m pretty sure that mental ward ‘accidentally’ left her cell door open so she could escape and become somebody else’s problem.
Jones: I hope our mental institutions aren’t THAT corrupt.
Hood: That’d probably be the least corrupt thing going on in one, if we’re being honest.
~Easton’s having his way with CYPHER until a couple of pale hands reach in and fish hook both sides of his mouth, pulling him out of the corner. Easton’s eyes go wide as he tries to fight through the pain. Sadie stands behind him, ripping him off of CYPHER. She spins him around. Easton throws a wild clothesline...Sadie ducks and delivers a stiff forearm to the back of Easton’s head. Easton stumbles forward, dropping to one knee. CYPHER shakes off the punishment he received and boots Easton right in the face, knocking him to the mat. CYPHER then looks up and eyes Sadie as she moves around in a very unnatural, glitchy fashion~
Jones: CYPHER spends a lot of his time decoding and hacking into complex algorithms...creating glitches.
Hood: Sounds like a bunch of nerd stuff to me.
Jones: Sadie, meanwhile, could be described as a human glitch.
Hood: You saying CYPHER CREATED Sadie?
Jones: That’s not what I’m saying!
Hood: Well shit, man, stop speaking so glitchy. MAKE SENSE
~CYPHER studies Sadie’s unnatural movements for a moment, trying to ‘crack the code’ behind her process. He thinks he’s got it and he guesses her next move...he guesses wrong! He dives in for a lock up, but she evades his pursuit and takes his back, wrapping her arms around his head and throat! CYPHER stumbles around, gasping for air~
Jones: He tried but was unsuccessful.
Hood: Remind me to never hire this guy to crack something.
Jones: Why would you need a hacker, Hood?
Hood: You know how ridiculously complicated sites make passwords these days? I’m locked out of like five of my accounts!
~CYPHER is struggling...Sadie is strangling. Then, from behind, Easton rises and hoists both up onto his shoulders!!! He immediately falls back, dropping both CYPHER and Sade with a stacked Electric Chair!!! CYPHER immediately rolls out of the ring, holding his throat. Sadie remains down on the mat as Easton rises up, getting to his feet, and shaking off the blows he took to the head~
Jones: Tremendous strength by Easton in hoisting both competitors up.
Hood: Yea, CYPHER is extremely tactical. Sadie is very unpredictable. Easton? He’s brute force. Dude’s just gonna come straight at you and it’s up to you to stop him.
~Easton turns his focus to Sadie. He grits his teeth and growls a bit, uttering indecipherable words that are most likely caustic and derogatory. He reaches down to grab Sadie by the hair...but she suddenly shifts up to her feet in an awkward, glitchy manner. Easton steps back. Sadie lunges forward with some forearm shots into Easton’s head, sending him into a corner. She breaks her hands apart over his head with a Double Axe handle. She whips him out of the corner, across the ring...Easton hits hard! Sadie heads his way...before she can get there, CYPHER reaches into the ring and pulls back on Easton’s feet, taking him down and yanking him out of the ring~
Jones: Sadie’s movements make her very tough to control.
Hood: She doesn’t move or fight like any wrestler we’ve ever seen. Talk about tough, right? Getting Sadie in her debut.
Jones: No film. Nothing to study. Yea, a tall task for sure.
~CYPHER slings Easton away from the ring, causing him to back pedal near the jungle. Easton leans up against a palm tree. CYPHER measures Easton up and delivers a roundhouse kick!! But Easton ducks!! CYPHER’s leg SLAMS into the side of the palm tree...he drops to the ground, holding his leg in pain. Easton stands over him, laying some boots into CYPHER~
Jones: I’ve seen a kick to a ring post but never one into a palm tree. I’m not sure what hurts worse.
Hood: Metal always defeats wood, Jones. C’mon, this is some common sense shit.
~With CYPHER down, Easton turns his focus back to the ring. It’s clear he doesn’t think much of the HACKERMAN. He heads for the ring but, as he does, Sadie just flings herself through the ropes at him!! Easton catches her!! He charges forward and he rams her spine into the edge of the apron!!! Easton spins Sadie around and hurls her into the ring with reckless aggression. He hops onto the apron and waits for Sadie’s body to come to rest, face down, center of the ring. Easton hoists himself over the top rope and he comes down with a leg drop across the back of Sadie’s neck. He rolls her over, going for a quick pin~
1!
KICK OUT!
Jones: Easton left CYPHER behind and managed to counter an aerial attack from Sadie.
Hood: Yes and that all resulted in a very impressive one count.
Jones: Baby steps, Hood. He’s getting there.
~Easton rises to his knees and he grabs a handful of Sadie’s dark, stringy hair. He balls up a fist and prepares to bring it down, but Sadie instantly lifts her legs up, wrapping them around Easton’s head! She’s suddenly got him locked in a Triangle choke! Sadie shows shocking strength for, well, let’s just say it...A WOMAN. Her slender build is wiry strong, pulling Easton toward the mat and strangling the oxygen out of him. Easton falls to one knee, unable to combat the strength of Sadie’s strangulation~
Jones: Sadie’s going to choke Easton out!
Hood: Geezus. That woman is the stuff of nightmares. I don’t think I’d get near her.
Jones: Her opponents don’t really have that option, Hood.
Hood: Hey, you always have a choice. Easton could have easily claimed he got lost. Not like it would have been THAT far fetched.
~CYPHER pops up, over the apron, peeking inside. He sees Easton in deep trouble. He slides into the ring, his left hand carrying something. He marches toward the entanglement. He reaches down to grab Sadie, but she reaches up and immediately hooks CYPHER’s head in a modified guillotine. She’s got her legs wrapped around Easton’s head and her arm wrapped around CYPHER’s. The people around the ring are impressed, albeit slightly horrified~
Jones: And like a serpent, Sadie Ko has managed to entangle both of her opponents. Could we be looking at a double tap?
Hood: If only we had a gun.
Jones: I’m not talking about guns.
Hood: Yea? Well I am. One would come in pretty fucking handy out here.
~CYPHER and Easton both look ready to succumb when, suddenly, they rise up in unison, pulling Sadie off the mat. She retains her grip on both...Easton and CYPHER dive toward the mat! Easton slamming Sadie’s back into the mat while CYPHER tucks and rolls, jamming her shoulder into the mat. Both men are instantly released with Sadie rolling out of the ring. The staff in attendance clap and nod at each other like “Wow, great teamwork.”~
Jones: I don’t know how coordinated that was. Just seemed like one started, the other felt a release in pressure and went with it.
Hood: CYPHER obviously got it started.
Jones: Why would you say that?
Hood: Because he’s the HACKERMAN. He cracked the code.
~CYPHER uses the ropes to get back to his feet. Easton is holding his neck, working his head back and forth, gasping for air. CYPHER heads toward Easton and he throws a punch with his right hand, but Easton blocks it! Easton stands and deliver a vicious headbutt into CYPHER!! CYPHER stumbles into a corner, his left hand remaining closed...holding something. Easton boots him in the gut, keeping him subdued. Easton hooks CYPHER’s head and he yanks him out of the corner...he lifts CYPHER up, gets him vertical and then brings him straight down on his head with a very dangerous Sheer Drop Brainbuster!!! CYPHER hits hard and his body goes limp on the mat...the object in his left hand flies out. Easton goes for the cover...Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!
Jones: CYPHER survives, somehow.
Hood: Oh man, Easton keeps dropping CYPHER on his head and his HACKERMAN status is gonna take a big hit.
Jones: Good. Maybe it’ll force him to find a more legitimate identity.
~Easton doesn’t let the nearfall distract him. He’s clearly learning. He stays after CYPHER, pulling him up and booting him in the gut. He brings CYPHER in and hooks him for a Gotch Style Piledriver! He lifts CYPHER up, but CYPHER throws his leg back, the heel catching Easton in the forehead! Easton stumbles. He drops CYPHER, who lands on one knee. Easton hits the ropes. CYPHER pops to his feet...Easton staggers his way and CYPHER hits him with Boom, Headshot! (Superkick)!!!! Easton drops to his knees, ready to collapse. CYPHER measures him up. He rushes forward, looking to put Easton down with Cutscene (Shining Wizard)...but he’s wiped out by the flying body of Sadie!!! Sadie springboards off the top rope and throws her body like a kamikaze pilot into CYPHER, taking him out and into the ropes!!! The employees in attendance all jump back with shock. Easton face plants on the mat, suffering from the superkick. All three competitors are down~
Jones: Wow! Sadie just threw herself into CYPHER.
Hood: Was like a fucking car wreck, man. Car just flying in, crashing into some dude casually strolling through an intersection.
~Easton sits up, holding his head. In the background we see Sadie, face down on the mat. CYPHER is on the apron, on his back. Easton works to his feet. Sadie, behind him, slaps a palm on the mat and awkwardly begins pushing her body up. Easton is unaware...he staggers around and spots something in the corner. An object. The object CYPHER was holding. He stands over it and bends down to pick it up~
Jones: What is it?
Hood: Some magical potion to send Sadie back to wherever the hell she came from?
Jones: I mean, given how things have been going recently, that wouldn’t be the most shocking reveal.
~Easton looks into his hand and sees...A TINY PALM TREE. It’s prickly and dense. Feels like it could do some damage. He’s facing a corner while staring at it...suddenly, a pale hand reaches around and grabs him by the mouth!! Easton’s eyes widen as he turns around and is immediately locked in a mandible claw!!! He swings wildly, trying to hit Sadie...but she’s got him. He stumbles forward, falling to one knee~
Jones: That doesn’t look like fun, at all.
Hood: We don’t know where those hands have been and, well, I don’t think we want to know.
Jones: I can agree with that.
~She has a tight grip around his bottom jaw, working it and tightening it. It looks like she’s about to rip his bottom jaw off. Before she can do anymore damage, CYPHER pays her back with a loud CRACK!! His foot hits her FLUSH in the side of the head with Toxic Kick (Black Mass Kick)!!!! She stumbles away, into the ropes, leaning over the middle rope. Easton falls to the mat, holding his mouth, kicking his foot against the mat in pain. CYPHER reaches down, trying to take the tiny palm tree from him~
Jones: CYPHER wants to use that palm tree to knock Sadie out.
Hood: Defeat what looks like death with a tiny form of life. I mean, that kinda makes sense.
Jones: I’m just shocked palm trees can be that small.
Hood: You got something against miniature things? YOU HATE MIDGETS?
Jones: I never said that!
~Easton won’t let go. He yanks back. CYPHER kicks him in the head and rips the tiny palm tree away. Easton rises, fighting off the head trauma...he spins CYPHER around and kicks him in the groin!!! CYPHER doubles over, dropping the palm tree. Easton picks it up...he measures CYPHER and he BLASTS him in the head with the tree!!! CYPHER flies to the side, through the ropes and to the ground outside. Easton then turns his focus to Sadie~
Jones: CYPHER just got hit in the head by a tiny palm tree!
Hood: A very unique and CLASSIC OCW way to get knocked out.
Jones: Easton’s going to attempt to use it to beat Sadie. He’s THIS close to the biggest win of his career, Hood.
Hood: C’mon, Easton!
~Easton pulls Sadie off the ropes. He rears back to knock her out with the tiny tree in his hand...but she ducks and wraps her legs around his body and grabs his arm...she quickly has him locked in an Abdominal Stretch!!! Easton yells out in pain, dropping the tree to the ground. He tries to hip toss her over, but he can’t, she’s got too good of a grip. She then grabs him by the mouth and she starts to twist his head toward her. The staff around the ring all turn away, the visual is getting nasty~
Jones: She’s going to break his neck!
Hood: Oh shit. Oh fuck.
~She pulls and pulls, twisting it further and further. Finally, Easton’s left eye makes contact with one of Sadie’s frightening eyes, peeking through her hair. She continues to pull...Scruff can’t take it anymore, he turns and he signals for the bell. The Knife Man yells out “DING! DING!”~
Jones: Scruff has called for the bell!
Hood: Yea, but Easton never quit!
Jones: Scruff just saved him, Hood. Sadie was about to break his neck!
~Scruff dives in there to get Sadie off of Easton. A few other OCW workers rush in as well. Finally, they’re able to get her off...she is pried off and hits the mat, backsliding in a very unnatural fashion, out of the ring. Easton hits the mat, holding his neck, writhing in pain. CYPHER looks up over the apron, holding the side of his head, frustrated that he had his chance for victory taken via a PALM TREE TO THE HEAD~
Belvedere: Here is your winner via referee stoppage...SADIE KO!!!!!
~Sadie’s body glitches. It backs away and, soon, it’s gone, disappearing into the jungle. Scruff finds a corner and drops to the mat, taking a seat, shaking his head...shaken by what he’s just seen. The Knife Man tends to Easton, reaching for his neck. Easton pounds the mat, yelling, “I didn’t tap! I DIDN’T TAP!” And, he’s not wrong~
Jones: Scruff did what any normal person would do. But, Easton does have an argument. He never tapped out.
Hood: Well, he lives to fight another day, Jones. If Scruff doesn’t call for that bell then, I don’t know, Easton probably becomes emergency food for everybody out here if we don’t get rescued soon.
Jones: Gross. I will say, I was impressed with CYPHER.
Hood: Hey, the guy showed up. He’s already ahead of where I had him.
Jones: Three extremely talented and unique performers. The future is bright around here.
Hood: It sure is...so long as you don’t have to face Sadie. Mother fucker...she’s a nightmare.
Jones: You’ll get no argument from me.
~We are at ringside, and if there were fans and not woodland creatures roaming around there would be cheers for the one and only… WHO’RE!~
Hood: What’s that gash doing out here?
Jones: Well judging by the fact she is trying to balance three microphones that don’t work, I say she’s going to interview someone.
Hood: *fingerscrossed* please not Alice, please not Alice, please not Alice.
~Tamika Strader appears near what she assumes is the entrance ramp with a Sony Pill Speaker and her phone. “Just A Girl” by No Doubt starts to play.~
Hood: Classic OCW, baby!
~Vee and Ronnie come out and make their way down to the ring. They climb in and Who’re hands them both a microphone.~
Who’re: Ladies, it’s so good to see you… both.
Ronnie: Hey, it’s weird for us too. Twenty one years I was sharing a body with Vee and suddenly we have our own?
Vee: Yeah, it’s been unreal but the best part is I don’t have to see Outcast naked anymore.
Ronnie and Who’re: Your loss.
~Ronnie shoots Who’re a look like “don’t talk about my man like that, you focus on dad bod” which is a hell of a look to get across such a specific message.~
Who’re: How did you become separated?
Vee: When we stumbled and fell into the portal, things were awry. The portal is glitching and not just sending people into our dimension's future. I mean, you and Zybala saw first hand how crazy that portal can be.
Ronnie: Yeah, we woke up separated in a place called Night City in the year 2077 but it wasn’t the same world. As we educated ourselves we realized we weren’t in Key West anymore.
Who’re: But you have made it back and you shocked the world giving your monstrous cousin Supreme Machine a shot at your title at Technical Difficulties. Why would you do that?
Jones: That’s a great question, why would she willingly get in the ring with Supreme Machine?
Hood: After watching what she went through against Dylan Thomas and then The Stranger, it’s because she is Strong and Proud! A defending champion, just like our OCW Champion.
Vee: I requested Supreme Machine, because he can help give us closure. We have been battling our own inner affliction in Valerie our whole lives and didn’t even know it. She is fueled and powered by the others. By our daddy dearest and by our cousins.
Who’re: You aren’t afraid of the big man? He’ll be on a rampage after what happened at Luck of the Violent.
Vee: No, I am not. The nightmare of losing my adoptive parents, being dumped publicly by Atara Themis, my own dad saying downright hurtful things to me siding with those that broke my heart, the Affliction playing tricks on me, and being trapped inside my own head is so much scarier than that man.
~Ronnie puts her hand on Vee’s shoulder.~
Ronnie: I have all the faith in the world Vee can successfully defend the Trans-Atlantic Championship against Cousin Dearest as we continue being the best of this great company.
Vee&Ronnie: We are Proud! We are Strong!
Jones: Well there you have it folks, Vee and Ronnie have told us a bit of what happened in that PORTAL POTTY, Hood.
Hood: I blame Alice for all of this. She will be the death of all of us, mark my words Smith!
Who’re: There you have it folks, Vee and Ronnie have made their goal very clear! Up next… Vee will take on Kelson Hewitt and Bob Grenier!
~The Straders and Who’Re exit the ring and the entire area as crew members hustle in to clean up the ring and get it in proper shape for the Main Event~
Jones: Main Event is coming up shortly, Hood.
Hood: I’ll main your event.
Jones: Uh, sure. Folks, let’s cut to some footage for the time being.
~We cut to the Australian airport we saw last week (I THINK). The Australians are all standing around, holding their ‘WELCOME OCW’ signs...the signs are more weathered and beaten than before. It’s clear they haven’t moved since we last saw them. A man who looks like some sort of political leader, stands front and center. He looks at his watch~
Man: They’ll be here. Any second now. Aaaaany second.
~He taps his foot, staring into the barren sky. We cut back to Jones and Hood~
Jones: Well that was an interesting thing to see!
Hood: Definitely fascinating, Smith!
Jones: My name, as I have said multiple times, is Jones.
Hood: Why isn’t Smith here? Is Plethora even on the island?
Jones: That’s a good question, nobody has heard from Bifford all week.
Hood: Bifford? I was asking about Plethora..
Jones: Hood..
Hood: Smith..
~A commotion breaks out in the ring as a man has attacked an OCW cameraman and stolen his camera. The view goes to the camera that has been stolen as the man runs into the jungle.~
Jones: Uh.. What the hell is going on? Did someone just commandeer one of our cameras? We can’t just run to the store to get a new one - we are on an island..
~The man runs far into the jungle and then suddenly the camera is airborne, obviously having been attacked to a drone. The camera swoops up over the jungle, providing a gorgeous view of the jungle from above, not quite enough to identify where the island is - but enough to show its grandeur. The drone slowly comes to a stop over a clearing in the jungle. There we see islanders standing in rows, their skin dark from tanning in the sun. They are carrying spears and clubs, but are standing and looking forward.~
Jones: Some.. local.. islanders..
Hood: What are they doing?
~The islanders suddenly drop to their knees and begin bowing, all in one direction.~
Jones: Bowing..
Hood: Maybe it’s some sort of religious ceremon-
~The camera zooms forward a bit to show that Plethora the Perilous, Kenny the Intern, and Earl the Popcorn Salesman are standing in front of the islanders. Plethora raises his scythe in the air as the islanders bow to him.~
Jones: oh dear Jesus…
Hood: No, that’s definitely Plethora. Not Jesus.
Jones: I have this weird feeling that we are on this island because of that fat murderer..
Hood: Well.. I think we all knew eventually we would die because of him.
Jones: Except Smith.. he’s the smart one…
~The drone turns and begins returning to where OCW has set up camp.~
Jones: Well, at least it looks like Bifford is returning our camera..
Hood: Bifford? What does Plethora have to do with Bifford?
Jones: Whatever…
Split the Coconut
Vee Strader (12-0) vs. Bob Grenier (5-4) vs. Kelson Hewitt (3-2)
~Everyone has settled down. The torches are aflame. All stand by eager to see who will emerge in tonight’s main event. Belvedere, standing in the ring, hands folded in front, yells out for all in attendance to hear~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for our Main Event of the evening! This is a Split the Coconut Match! OCW referee Scruff will be handcuffed, unable to call the match. Four coconuts will be in each corner, hanging above the turnbuckles. Inside one coconut will be the key to free Scruff. Once Scruff is freed, he can then officiate the match.
~We get a shot of the four coconuts hanging from each corner. They appear to be regular coconuts. Nothing FANCY. We try to get a close look to see if it’s obvious which one was tampered with...but, no such luck. OCW’s THE KNIFE MAN did a good job inserting that key~
Belvedere: Introducing first…
~"Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns 'n' Roses hits! Playing out of that awesome cell phone. Kelson Hewitt emerges from the jungle, looking dirtier and more fatigued than last week. ISLAND LIFE. He heads for the ring...despite the wear and tear island life will have on a person, Kelson maintains his composure. He enters the ring~
Belvedere: From Nashville, Tennessee...standing 5’11 and weighing in at 201lbs...he is the #1 Contender for the Savage Title...he is...Kelson Hewitt!!!
~High in the clouds by Ol' Dirty Bastard echoes through the forest. The island is rocking. Bob emerges from between two trees carrying a Taipan Snake, The most dangerous snake in the world, Central to Australia. He grabs it by the tail and begins to spin it around like a maniac. The snake is really pissed off~
~He grabs the snake by the head and looks directly into the camera screaming "Don't worry, I got the anti venom" It tries to bite him but his cat like reflexes prevent it. He wags his finger at it like Hulk Hogan. He chucks it at the ground. Everybody surrounding the ring leaps back...the snake slithers under the ring. Bob climbs in the ring~
Belvedere: From Timmins, Ontario, Canada...standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs...he is a former OCW Champion...he is in the OCW Hall of Fame...he is...Bob Grenier!!!
Jones: Bob Grenier felt it necessary to not only find the most venomous snake on the island but to also bring it to ringside.
Hood: You think this couch will protect us?
Jones: I doubt it.
Belvedere: And, their opponent…
~Just A Girl - No Doubt plays out of the cell phone and the people surrounding the ring all clap and cheer when the undefeated PROUD AND STRONG, HEART AND SOUL of 2022 OCW...the TransAtlantic Champion herself, Victoria ‘Vee’ Strader steps out from the jungle and makes her way to the ring~
Belvedere: From London, Ontario Canada...standing 5’10 and weighing in at 145lbs...she is the undefeated TransAtlantic Champion...she is...Victoria Strader!!!
~Grenier and Kelson both eye Strader with agitation. Grenier because, well, he’s Bob Grenier. Kelson remembering the low blow that gave him his first in-ring loss. Strader ascends the steps and enters. Belvedere exits. Scruff, center of the ring, has his hands cuffed behind his back, so he nods at Knife Man who yells out “DING! DING!” And we’re underway!~
Jones: Nobody has managed to stop Victoria Strader since she returned to OCW in late December. She’s been on a tear.
Hood: She’s beat them all. Once again, she’s thrown straight into the fryer. A revenge seeking Kelson and an always angry Bob Grenier.
Jones: Kelson has a date set with BRIM for the Savage Title at Technical Difficulties while Bob is looking to regain some momentum. He’ll compete in the opening match at Technical Difficulties trying to earn a Craze Title shot.
~Kelson moves toward Vee. She turns, ready for him...but as she does, she’s overtaken by a reckless Grenier! Bob runs in and knees her into the gut, sending her into the ropes. He grabs her by the throat, choking the TransAtlantic Champion. Everyone around the ring looks at Scruff, but his hands are cuffed. Kelson stands by, watching. Bob hoists Vee up, both hands around her throat...she gags and spits, her windpipe experiencing tremendous pressure. She kicks and reaches with her hands...but Bob is too strong. He movements slow as Bob finally spins around and plants her into the mat with a double handed chokeslam!!! She hits hard and slowly moves, her face twisted with pain. Bob kicks her in the ribs, sending her onto her stomach. He drops to one knee and works to remove her belt~
Jones: Bob wasting no time, taking it right to Vee.
Hood: Yea and Kelson didn’t do anything to help.
Jones: Well, to be fair, Vee took a shortcut in beating him over a month ago. He’s, at the very least, conflicted towards her.
Hood: Perfectly logical.
~Grenier removes the belt from around Vee’s waist. He stands, the belt hanging from his hand...he rears back and he SLAPS Vee across the back with it!! Strader yells out in pain, arching her back. Bob reaches up with the belt once again and he brings is crashing down across her back with another sharp SLAP!!! Vee again cries out and screams, her hands digging into the mat, her eyes welling up with pain induced tears. Grenier stands over her, laughing~
Jones: This is a bit much.
Hood: It’s the jungle, Smith. Jungle law!
Jones: I don’t know what any of that means.
Hood: You’re lucky I’m here. No way you’d survive JUNGLE LAW without me.
~Grenier holds the title up once more and is set to bring it down when THWACK!!!! He drops to one knee, releasing the title. His eyes glaze over...he tumbles forward, landing on top of Vee. Standing over Bob is Kelson, holding a coconut. Hewitt grabs the coconut with both hands and pulls, ripping it open. Coconut juice flies everywhere...he’s disappointed, at first, then frustrated he didn’t drink some of that shit. Oh well. He tosses both pieces over his shoulder and goes back after Bob, snaring him by his bleach blonde hair. He pulls Bob up...we can see the left side of Bob’s hair beginning to change colors...blood emerging from the spot where Kelson hit him. Kelson whips Bob into a corner. Bob hits hard. Kelson charges in and delivers a big splash!!! Kelson remains standing on the middle rope...he reaches up for a second coconut. But, Bob grabs Kelson by the waist, he steps forward and drops Kelson across his knee with an inverted atomic drop!!! Hewitt doubles over, dropping to all fours while Bob falls backwards, into the corner, seated against the bottom buckle~
Jones: Nice recovery by Bob, although I’m sure his brains are more than a little scrambled.
Hood: Well, you knew Kelson wasn’t gonna just sit back and watch Bob beat Vee to death.
Jones: Exactly. Glad you’re not portraying Kelson as a monster.
Hood: He, obviously, wanted to join in the fun!
Jones: Hey!
~With both Kelson and Bob down, Vee begins to stir in the center of the ring. She pushes herself up and reaches for her back, feeling the burning welts, sensitive to the touch. She also finds her TransAtlantic Title, pulling it in and hugging it tight. Her eyes locate Bob, seated in the corner. She reaches her feet, pissed the fuck off. She carries her title toward Bob...she holds it high, ready to slap Bob with it, much like he did to her, only in his face. However, Kelson comes up from behind and rips the belt away! Vee spins around, irate. She throws a kick at Kelson’s lower gut...he drops the title and catches her boot...he shakes his head as if to say, “Not this time” and he runs her over with a clothesline!!! Vee hits the mat, hard. Kelson looks down at the TA Title and he kicks it out of the ring. He pulls Vee back to her feet and pulls her in close, he hooks her and tosses her over his head with a high angled T-Bone Suplex into the corner and on top of Bob!!! The people in attendance nod and clap, saying things like, “Kid’s good.” “Yea, especially when he isn’t getting blasted in the balls.”~
Jones: Kelson’s got Bob and Vee stacked in that corner. Now he needs to find that key so he can attempt to win this match.
Hood: He also kicked the title out of the ring. He must really hate the color scheme.
Jones: It’s not that. I just don’t think he wants it in there, Hood. Sure, he could use it...but, there’s an alternative side to that...it could be used against him.
Hood: True. I think he wants a clean shot against Vee. A chance to see if he can beat her without any sort of ‘tomfoolery’ as you’d say, Smith.
Jones: I’M JONES. But tomfoolery is a cool word!
Hood: I don’t think ‘cool’ is how I’d describe it, but okay.
~Hewitt charges into the corner, jumps up and drives both knees into Vee and, as a result, Bob as well. Strader rolls out of the corner. Bob slides onto the apron. Both remain down. Kelson climbs up and reaches for the second coconut, ripping it from the string. He hops onto the mat and slams the coconut into the mat...it just bounces back up. He catches it. He looks at it...no damage down. He works at it...he pulls and digs into it. But, nothing. It appears there’s ONE WAY to open these things. In his peripheral, Kelson catches Bob rising to his feet on the apron. Kelson turns around and hurls the coconut at Bob’s head. Bob’s reflexes astonish...he throws his hand up and catches it!!! Kelson prepares for Bob to throw it back...but he’s suddenly grabbed from behind by Vee!! Vee hooks him in a Full Nelson!!! She holds him there...Bob gets what she’s going for...he slings the coconut at Kelson, hitting him in the head!!! The coconut ricochets to the mat...Vee spins around and drops Kelson with a face buster onto the coconut!!! Everyone in attendance winces...that’s gotta hurt. She turns Kelson over and reaches for the coconut...no key. Empty inside. But, she takes the bottom half and drinks from it~
Jones: And just like that, Vee is back in this match!
Hood: She just fucked Kelson again! Unbelievable!
Jones: Totally within the rules of this match, Hood.
Hood: Guy is trying to wage a respectable war and then she just face plants him into a coconut. She knows she can’t beat this dude straight up!
~Grenier knees Vee in the back, stunning her. He reaches for the two halves of coconut. Vee gets to her feet. Bob, standing behind her, has the two halves extended...he then brings his hands together, looking to smash them against her head...but she ducks!!! The two halves collide, shattered in Bob’s hands!!! He pauses...Vee does a handstand and wraps her legs around Bob’s head before spinning and tossing him to the mat with a headscissors takeover!!! Bob hits the mat and slides toward a corner. Vee pops back to her feet~
Jones: Tremendous athleticism by Vee Strader. People can say what they want, but there’s a reason she’s undefeated.
Hood: It’s that coconut juice or milk or water...WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT. It’s like steroids.
Jones: I’m sure it helped. But not near as much as you’re inferring.
~Strader is back on her feet. Both men are down. She heads for another corner, eager to get that key. Kelson returns to his feet, stumbling, holding his face. His nose looks a little busted. He turns and spots Strader reaching for the coconut. He rushes forward and hits her in the back...she falls backward onto his shoulders. He’s got her in the electric chair position. She reaches down, punching him in the face! He stumbles into the ropes and leans back!! Vee tumbles over...but she holds on with her legs and pulls Kelson over the top rope...both competitors crash land hard outside~
Jones: As if landing out there isn’t dangerous enough. That snake is under the ring!
Hood: Ah shit, I almost forgot.
Jones: Stay alert!
Hood: Knowing the cheater that Vee is, she’ll probably use the snake as a weapon against Kelson.
Jones: I doubt that!
~Bob remains in the ring, pulling himself up. He can’t find his two opponents. Outside the ring, Vee crawls away from Kelson. Kelson is face down, staring at the ring apron...he sees a tongue flick out from under the cloth as the black eyes of a dangerous snake look back at him. Kelson goes completely still...inches from the mouth of this serpent. Frozen with what to do...a decision is immediately made as Vee grabs him by the hair and rips him to his feet. The snake disappears back under the ring. Vee spins Kelson around and she throws a right hand, but Kelson blocks it and he kicks her in the chest, sending her stumbling toward the staffers~
Jones: Whew, that was close. I don’t think we have the medical equipment capable of saving someone if they get bit in the face by that snake.
Hood: So you’re saying Vee just saved Kelson’s life?
Jones: I mean, that could be stated, sure.
Hood: Sounds like fake news to me. There’s probably a polar bear just beyond the jungle she wants to throw him toward, watch him get savagely ripped to pieces.
Jones: A POLAR BEAR?!
~Back inside the ring, Grenier climbs up and reaches for the third coconut, snapping it from its string. He walks up to Scruff and mimes like he’s going to bash it over his head. Scruff ducks and yelps. Bob laughs and slaps him on the back, “I’M JUST FUCKIN WITH YA, CHOAD.” He then heads back to the corner, steps onto the bottom buckle and SMASHES the coconut against the top of the ring post. Coconut juice spills everywhere...Grenier’s hands scramble, they grasp….he turns them over and we see...THE KEY~
Jones: Bob’s got the key!
Hood: Time to RELEASE THE SCRUFFEN
Jones: One would think.
~Bob drops to the mat with the key. Scruff turns around, showing his cuffed hands...but Bob pauses. He thinks. He then stuffs the key into his trunks. Scruff is like, “aww, c’mon man!” Bob heads for the ropes, watching Vee and Kelson. Kelson chops Vee...Vee punches Kelson. Staffers have made their way around the two, holding their torches high. Vee throws a superkick, but Kelson blocks it, jumps up, and blasts Vee with a dropkick into the chest!! She flies into the arms of a few staffers, they drop their torches. Kelson turns, looking at the ring, he sees Bob watching. He turns back around...Vee has a torch in her hand and she swings it at Kelson!! Kelson ducks and dodges...Vee throws the torch at him, he avoids a fiery collision...the torch soars and lands into a palm tree. Kelson dives ahead and he takes Vee down with a SPEAR!!! Above, we see the palm tree begin to catch fire~
Jones: Well, it looks as though they’ve inadvertently set fire to one of the surrounding palm trees.
Hood: Shit’s gonna be like dominoes. We’d better get out of here.
Jones: Uh, not so fast, sir. We have a match to finish.
Hood: Okay but if that snake or that fire come anywhere near me, I’m out.
~The palm tree is totally ablaze and, as predicted, the tree next to it catches fire. Staffers look up and start to back away from the building conflagration. Bob watches, nodding, “Classic OCW, Baby.” Kelson feels the heat. He returns to his feet and he grabs Vee, dragging her from the flames. He whips her toward the ring...she slides in under the bottom rope. Bob greets her with boots, stomping her into the mat. Kelson reaches the ring and marches up the steps. Bob bends over Vee and he taunts her...the taunting does not last as Kelson comes flying off the top rope with Shazam! (Diving Foot Stomp From The Top Rope Too A Bent Over Oppenent's Back)!!! He drives Bob into and on top of Vee!!! The staffers clap and cheer!! Kelson tumbles forward and pops back to his feet, spinning around and spotting his opponents down, stacked, and unable to move. He then looks for and finds the last coconut. This one must have the key. He heads that way~
Jones: Kelson’s got them both down! All he needs is the key and he’ll win!
Hood: Uh, genius, the key is packaged snuggly under Bob’s cock.
Jones: Ugh. That’s right.
~Hewitt rips the fourth coconut down and tosses it onto the mat. He leaps off the middle buckle with a foot stomp, crushing the coconut. He drops to the mat and feels around, his fingers sliding through the fresh juice. But...there is no key...WHERE IS THE KEY. He looks at the four corners and notices all coconuts are gone. He does the quick math...he remembers three being opened...but not the fourth. He then looks at Scruff...Scruff does a not so discreet eye tilt toward Bob. Kelson slaps the mat out of frustration, returning to his feet and going after Bob~
Hood: What the fuck? Scruff just narked on Bob!
Smith: I’m sure he’s tired of being in those cuffs, Hood.
Hood: And that’s why no woman will ever love him.
~Kelson pulls Bob off of Vee and he looks around his body, trying to figure out where the key could be. He looks down at Bob’s trunks and hesitates...how far does he really wanna go with this? Well, he’s not gonna get very far...Bob reaches up and rakes him across the eyes!!! Kelson falls back. Grenier slowly returns to his feet. He reaches down his pants and finds the key, sighing with relief. He goes back after Kelson. He pulls Kelson up and shoves him into a corner...he slaps and punches, slaps and punches, pummeling Kelson with this combination several times. Bob, like Kelson, is also seeking revenge~
Jones: Kelson defeated Bob in his OCW debut. A defeat that’s been gnawing away at Bob ever since.
Hood: Bob has been unable to get the better of Kelson. Every time they intersect, Kelson always comes out on top.
Jones: It appears Bob is determined to change that tonight.
~In the background we see a third of the trees surrounding the ring are ablaze. A forest fire appears to be underway. The Knife Man is spotted ordering people to head to the beach to grab some water. Grenier stands on the second buckle, fist made and he starts to punch Kelson in the head. Kelson looks right into Bob’s crotch and he sees the key half poking out. Bob stops punching when he sees the flames. Over half the trees are engulfed...the heat and the wind from the fires hit him in the face. He looks on, trying to digest the situation. Kelson reaches forward, closing his eyes, wondering what he did to deserve this situation...he grabs the exposed part of the key and he pulls it out of Bob’s trunks!! Bob feels a tickle and looks down like “WHAT THE HELL, MAN?’ But, before he can do anything, Vee runs up, grabs Bob from behind and tosses him to the mat with a German Suplex!!! Bob hits hard and rolls over, landing on his stomach. Vee pops back to her feet...she sees the key in Kelson’s hand. She runs forward with a knee...but Kelson ducks. He grabs her by the head for a neckbreaker...but Vee runs up the corner...she jumps off, wraps her legs around Kelson’s head and takes him over and to the center of the ring with a hurricanrana!!!! Kelson hits hard, coming to rest near Bob!!! Vee pops back up...she, like the others, notices the fire as all the trees surrounding the ring are burning. It’s getting hot. It’s starting to feel dangerous. Staffers are vacating the area~
Jones: And we’re basically working within a ring of fire, Hood.
Hood: Um, so how much longer do we have to stay here? Burning to death is, like, last on my list of ‘ways to go out’.
Jones: We won’t burn to death. I can almost guarantee.
Hood: Almost guarantees aren’t going to work for me when it comes to BURNING ALIVE
~Time is of the essence. She sees the key shining atop the mat. She reaches for it and snares it. She motions for Scruff to around...she goes to work on his cuffs. Vee apparently knows here way around a pair of cuffs! Blame Veronica. Scruff is free!! He turns around and hugs Vee. She has no choice but to respond...that or belly-to-belly the ref. The hug ends and Vee pats him on the back...she turns around and gets booted by Grenier!!! Bob pulls her in close and hoists her up for HOLLINGER PARK HANGMAN~
Jones: Oh no! Scruff’s free! If Bob hits this it’s over!
Hood: No good deed goes unpunished.
~Kelson knees Bob from behind. He drops Vee. Kelson reaches up, grabbing Bob by the head and pulling him back. He’s looking to hit The Real Backbreaker! He lifts Bob up with an Inverted DDT before dropping him across his knees with a Backstabber!!! Bob flies into the air and hits the mat, rolling away. Kelson hurries to his feet, chasing Bob...but, he’s SMACKED from behind, in the back of the head by WELCOME TO RIVERDALE (Superkick to the back of the head) from Vee!!! Kelson falls into the ropes, hanging over the middle rope. Vee is on her feet, looking around...for applause...but, all she finds is the kindling and cracking of trees succumbing to fire. The Knife Man is throwing dirt into the trees, to no avail. Everyone else is gone, save for the major players. Welsh looks around, anxious~
Jones: It’s getting hot out here. An inferno is threatening to consume us. I’ve been told we’re gonna have to cut out of here soon...self preservation and all.
Hood: So they gonna call this match?
Jones: They might.
Hood: You mean the sand Knife Man is throwing at the blazing inferno isn’t working?
~Vee looks down and spots her TransAtlantic Title. She instinctively goes to protect her ‘baby’. She dives into the ropes and leans over the apron, grabbing it by one of the straps. She pulls it off the ground and into the ring. She stands, holding it proudly...Scruff stumbles back, frightened. Vee is like “What?” She looks and Bob’s SNAKE is coiled around the strap dangling toward the mat. Vee yells and slings the title to the mat...the snake dislodges and flies into a corner where it coils up and faces the ring~
Jones: As if the fire wasn’t enough...a very venomous snake is in the ring!
Hood: Man we’re really fucking this island up, aren’t we?
Jones: Yea, I can’t imagine this pristine habitat, untouched by advanced civilization is going to ever be the same.
Hood: Classic OCW, baby!
~Bob punts Vee in between her legs from behind. Vee doubles over. Grenier points at Kelson, who is still in the ropes, “That one is for you, buddy!” He laughs, derisively. He grabs Vee by the hair, spins her around and plants her into the mat with a DDT. She’s down. He pops back to his feet and eyes Kelson~
Jones: Bob wants to beat Kelson, not Vee.
Hood: He wants his win back. Makes sense.
~Grenier pulls Kelson off of the ropes and spins him around. He knees him in the gut. It’s clear he’s going for Hollinger Park Hangman. He pulls Kelson in close, but Kelson punches Bob in the ribs, fighting off what would be the final blow. Bob stumbles back. Kelson rises up! He throws a punch, but Bob blocks it and headbutts Kelson!!! Kelson stumbles into the ropes. They are surrounded by flaming trees and foliage. Ashes flying through the air. Grenier steps back, measuring Kelson up...he suddenly stops and looks at his arm...he’s been bitten by THE SNAKE~
Jones: The snake just bit Bob!
Hood: Play with matches and you get burned.
Jones: Apt.
~Grenier is almost unfazed by it. He rips the snake off his arm and hurls it into the fire. Kelson steps through the ropes. Bob looks at the two holes in his arm...he leans in and bites into his arm and begins to suck~
Jones: UGH
Hood: Haha, I love Bob.
~Kelson hops onto the top rope and he springboards off with METEORA!!!! He soars through ash and flame. Bob looks up and he SPITS the venom into the air at Kelson!!! Kelson falls to the mat, covering his face!!~
Jones: Bob just spat that venom into Kelson’s face!
Hood: Hope he got his hands up in time.
Jones: It looked like he did...but, still. That’s got to be terrifying. Grenier sucks some more poison out and spits. It’s mostly blood this time. Looks like he got all the venom. He moves toward Kelson but receives WELCOME TO RIVERDALE!!! Vee’s superkick to the back of Bob’s head sends him tumbling into and through the ropes. Kelson hurries to his feet, rubbing his face, terrified some venom might be there. Vee leaps onto the ropes. Kelson turns around, facing her...Vee leaps off with a moonsault, but she lands on her feet next to Kelson, she grabs him and she takes him down with a modified Family Ties (Sister Abigail)!!!!! She covers Kelson!! Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The Knife Man yells “DING! DING!’ while slinging dirt into the fire. He finally gives up, realizing it’s a lost cause~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...VICTORIA STRADER!!!!!
Jones: Vee wins! What a wild match!
Hood: Let’s get the fuck out of here!
~Belvedere exits the ring and rushes away from the fire that’s closing in. Bob gets to his feet, holding the back of his head. He throws his hands at the ring and exits. The Knife Man is gone. Scruff bails. Welsh stands, watching… “Vee, Kelson! Let’s go!” Vee grabs her Title and moves to exit...but Kelson is still on the mat~
Jones: We gotta go!
Hood: Catch ya later.
~Hood leaves Jones~
Jones: Vee! Kelson! C’mon!
~Vee won’t leave Kelson behind. She drags him toward the ropes and exits. She pulls him out of the ring. Welsh rushes up to help. Together, they help Kelson walk away while he’s catching his bearings after being stuck by Family Ties. The fire consumes. The ring is left behind. They walk past Jones who is the last man standing~
Jones: It’s burning down out here. This entire jungle...forest is in jeopardy. I hope you all caught this message. If you’re out there, help us. It’s worse now than ever.
~Jones takes the phone and turns the feed off as we cut away with one final shot of the flames taking hold and beginning to burn the ring~
~Bob Grenier sits on a log. Behind him the jungle burns. Staffers and other OCW members sprint past him, toward the water. Toward safety. A tree falls down, succumbing to the flames. Bob doesn’t move. He stares at the ground, his red stained, sweat soaked hair hanging over his face. He spits into the sand, kicking at it. He’s beaten. But he’s not defeated. Slowly, he looks into the camera~
Bob: Everything I've done in OCW, I've fronted like it's all for me, But deep down and subconsciously it's all for you. I keep doing this for the people who bought a ticket because they like to see me work, For the people I've inspired to just been themselves. I'm a little older now and still a little rough around the edges but despite that, You still accept me. This company still employs me. I don't really have anyone to go home too, I live alone in the backwoods of Canada on 110 acres of land, My closest neighbor is 10 miles from me, But when I come to the arena, When I walk around this island..When I walk down the aisle and climb into the ring, I don't feel so alone. I've issues with my mental health, issues with addiction, I've served time, I've been thrown from the top of the Green Monster in Fenway Park, 337 feet to the turf below yet by some kind of devine intervention, I'm still standing here. You've seen me at my worst, Now it's time for my best. I see a lot of young raw f*****g talent back there in that locker room, I've turned a blind eye to that but now my eyes are open. If anyone in the back wants to join me and start living in Generation Now.. I will take you to the promised land. I'm not hard to find.
~The Knife Man sprints past Bob...he’s screaming and waving his knife around. Bob remains still as the fire continues to rage behind. We slowly fade out~