OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, July 9th 2018
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
~You’re a little hungover from this past weekend. You left work sick after half a day. You’re finding it hard to concentrate. You ate TACO BELL for dinner – what a slob. You’re glued to the couch, thankful the remote is within arm’s reach otherwise there’s no way you’d be able to utilize it’s channel changing powers. You flip around until you land on that sweet, sweet OCW Massacre logo. You relax…it’s PRO WRESTLING time. Something you can watch and enjoy while dealing with the punishment alcoholic indulgence brings. You lean back and close your eyes, listening to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Hola a todos y bienvenidos a Monday Night Massacre. Como siempre, soy su anfitrión Smith y junto a mí está Hood.
Hood: ¡Estás jodidamente bien, lo estoy! Hombre qué cuarto de julio la semana pasada, ¿eh? Mujeres, cerveza y béisbol. ¡No hay nada mejor que eso!
Smith: Me alegra que lo pases tan bien, Hood. Pero esta noche volvemos con otra edición de la presentación de estreno de OCW que incluye nuestro evento principal: un partido de Proceso de eliminación. El ganador continuará compitiendo por el Campeonato Craze en Lost at Sea.
~You open your eyes…you think “WHAT THE FUCK?!” You stare at the screen and realize what’s going on~
You: TELEMUNDO?!
~You quickly change the channel to the appropriate version, airing on STARZ. You listen in, anxiously~
Hood: Tony the Spider is in a Massacre main event…geezus
Smith: It should be an interesting match, for sure!
~A sigh of relief on your part. ENGLISH! Now you can truly relax and enjoy the goodness that is – Monday Night Massacre~
Smith: We’ve also got former OCW Champion The Incredible One taking on The Purple VIP, Josie Barnes…as well as The Uber Man making his in ring debut, as a signed OCW talent, against Lukas Emery.
Hood: Tony the Spider, Uber Man…what the fuck is going on around here? Is this what a Zybala led fed feels like?
Smith: And, as if that weren’t enough…we get to witness the in ring debut of Heidi…a wrestler OCW management is extremely excited about.
Hood: So she burned Depth’s couch to the ground and now she wants to beat him up for the second time? Poor John E Depth
Smith: He’s a disgusting man…he gets whatever he deserves. Heidi’s debut is up soon, folks…but first, let’s head backstage
~OCW cameras cut to the loading bay of the OCW Arena where a speeding car comes to a sudden halt just inches from the building. The door opens quickly and The Incredible One appears, as the crowd cheers heavily. TIO is in a frantic pace, face red, as he starts making his way into the arena but AKB walks out the door and is super excited to see TIO.~
AKB: TIO! There you are! Your match is soon… and how is Leslie?
~TIO takes AKB by his collar, lifts him up and pins him against the wall. AKB, terrified, squints his eyes and moves his face in fear TIO is going to hit him. TIO is breathing fast and his hair is an absolute mess.~
TIO: Do not ask me about Leslie! WHERE THE FUCK IS CARRINGTON?!
AKB: Uh.. I have no idea! I’m sorry!
~Frustrated, TIO throws AKB to the ground and pushes a cameraman out of his way to get inside the arena. The camera falls to the ground, briefly showing the ground before its picked back up and begins following TIO from a distance. TIO keeps looking inside unnamed locker rooms, trying to locate Bradley Carrington. After a few minutes of going through the entire backstage area, TIO is unable to find him. TIO kneels down in one locker room as the camera zooms into TIO, who has his face buried in his hands, crying. His palms leave his head and he clenches into fists, shaking uncontrollably. He grabs a chair nearby and throws it around the room. He grabs the trash can and trashes the entire locker room. He punches the mirror, miraculously without cutting up his knuckles. TIO turns around and notices the cameraman captured the entire thing on video. He quickly runs up to the camera man and moves the camera away and speaks to the cameraman, the audio picking it up.~
TIO: Why did you film that?
Cameraman: *trouble breathing* It’s… just.. my.. job… I’m.. sorry!
TIO: Where is Welsh?
Cameraman: His…office.
~TIO shoves the cameraman away and heads in the direction towards Welsh’s office. The camera picks up John E. Depth coming to the back with some girls to his locker room, that has been completely trashed by TIO. The girls, disgusted, leave Depth’s side.~
John E Depth: Son of a bitch!
~The camera leaves an angry Depth and continues following TIO. He loses him for a moment but finds him pounding on the closed door of Marcus Welsh. There is no answer as TIO, beyond livid, backs up and breaks the door down. Welsh, who was in the middle of signing papers, stands up as the wooden door smashes next to his desk.~
Marcus Welsh: I’m busy, do you mind, TIO?
~Without answering, TIO grabs Welsh’s desk and flips it over, papers flying everywhere. Welsh’s eyes widen and his eyebrows arch, in a rage. TIO steps where the desk was and is eye-to-eye with his boss.~
TIO: Where is Carrington?
Marcus Welsh: He is not here tonight.
TIO: WHAT THE FUCK?! My fiancé is in the hospital because of that son of a bitch and he gets to hide from me!
Marcus Welsh: Calm down! I understand your anger because of Leslie getting diagnosed—
~Before Welsh can reveal what Leslie was diagnosed with, TIO grabs Welsh by the throat and pins him against a wall this time. Knux enters the scene, hearing the commotion, and goes to pry TIO off of Welsh but Welsh waves him off.~
Welsh: Put… me… down!
~After several moments, TIO realises his anger is getting the better of him and releases Welsh. Welsh coughs frantically, trying to catch his breath.~
TIO: First off, you are the only one besides me who knows what is wrong with Leslie. NOT EVEN JENNA KNOWS! If you say—
Welsh: I’m not saying a word.
TIO: GOOD! Second… I’m not going to allow Carrington to hide from me right up until Lost at Sea. He isn’t getting a free ride. So what are you going to do about it, Welsh?
Welsh: Do you want me to book him? I’ll book him next week! Are you satisfied?!
~TIO nods, without saying another word. He looks around the room, seeing the carnage.~
TIO: …Sorry.
~TIO exits the room as Knux helps Welsh with his clothes as cameras fade to ringside.~
~Mack O'Connor walks through the backstage area, still using his cane in one hand and holding a bottle of whiskey in the other. After a few moments he comes to a dressing room: Chad Vargas. Mack gives a light knock on the door with his cane. After a few moments, the door opens up and reveals Chad Vargas. Chad doesn't look very pleased to see Mack~
Vargas: What now?
Mack: Can we talk?
~Mack holds up the bottle of whiskey as an offering. Chad raises an eyebrow, but he shrugs and opens the door wider to give Mack access~
Vargas: Oh what the hell... Come in, asshole.
~Mack walks in and sits own on the couch. Vargas grabs two glasses and sits across from him~
Vargas: So what? We still got... What? "Unfinished business" as you called it?
Mack: Give me the fuckin' glasses.
~Vargas laughs and holds out the two glasses. Mack fills them both up with whiskey, then sets the bottle down. He grabs one of the glasses from Vargas, and the two each take a small sip~
Mack: What are we doing here, Chad? Honestly... What the fuck are me and you doing here?
Vargas: Not sure I follow, hoss.
Mack: You heard me a week or so back... This place is going to shit, my friend... There's a bunny running around. Barnes and Emery are turning this place into their personal soap opera. We got fake superheroes running around. And Meyhu's cardboard cabbage ass is champion. Can you believe this shit?
Vargas: Preaching to the choir.
~The two toast and take a sip of the whiskey~
Mack: You got Meyhu's basic ass at Lost at Sea. And I got Emery's wannabe ass. But why stop there? Someone needs to go through this roster and cut them all down to size.
Vargas: You got that right. Buncha fuckin' guppies runnin' this place, nowadays.
Mack: So lets do it. Take them all fuckin' down. If it's Tartare, Muffles the Bunny, or the fuckin' Uber Man. They all gotta get taken down a peg.
~Vargas takes a second, then gives a nod in agreement~
Vargas: You know I'm on board.
Mack: Then cheers to that.
~The two men clink their glasses together in a toast, then shoot the rest of the whiskey back. Mack then spins his cane around, and he CRACKS it across Vargas's jaw. He spins it again, hitting Vargas in the back of the head and sending him to the ground~
Mack: Consider our unfinished business... Well... It's finished. Let's move forward.
~Mack takes his bottle of whiskey and limps out of the dressing room. Vargas lets out a laugh, spitting blood from his mouth as he continues to chuckle~
Vargas: Fuckin' prick... Forward. Damn right.
~We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Those two have been allies and enemies...gosh, I guess you'd call them Frenemies! They've been Frenemies for years!
Hood: What the fuck did you just say? Somebody turn his fuckign headset off this instant!
Smith: I'm just speaking the lingo of the youth, Hood
Hood: Yea, well the youth are STUPID
Smith: One man's opinion...regardless...Mack and Vargas have been in OCW for nearly four years now...they have seen a myriad of roster variations and, it seems, this roster bothers them the most
Hood: Those two are only happy when they are sitting atop the roster, I know that and you should too. They are two of the best we got and I think they will both enjoy a great night in three weeks
Smith: Well Vargas finally has his opportunity to prove Meyhu is what he says he is in three weeks. Mack, meanwhile, has a match up against Lukas Emery where the winner, I"m sure, will be in line to get into the OCW Title picture.
Hood: I can't fucking wait!
Smith: Lost at Sea should be something...anyway...it's time for the in ring action to begin this evening so let's head down to ringside for the debut of Heidi!
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Opening Match
Heidi (0 pts) vs. John E Depth (0 pts)
Belvedere: The following match is the opening match of the evening and is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring first, he hails from the seedy under ground of Hollywood! This is John E. Depth!
~A slow, steady beat builds up over the speakers as "I Touch Myself" by The Devinyls starts to play. The fans boo as Depth emerges from the curtain, accompanied by two of his....ahem....."starlets" The C squad of a Wednesday night at a strip club flank Depth as he struts along to the music on his way to the ring. The ladies hold the ropes apart for Depth to enter as Depth smack talks the crowd. The music dies down and Depth waits in the corner for his opponent~
Smith: Not much love for the porn director.
Hood: Who cares what these fans think. I wonder if John will allow me some alone time with his ladies.
Smith: If you can call them that.
Hood: We're all God's children in the dark.
Belvedere: And his opponent, weighing in at 107 pounds, she is the "Hellcat from Helena!", this is Heidi!
~The lights go down and "Dear Enemy" starts to play as purple and blue lights start to strobe. Smoke fills up the entrance before a white spot shines down where Heidi is suddenly standing with her back to the ring. She looks over her shoulder with a smirk before spinning around and walking down towards the ring. Heidi stares straight down the at the ring focused before running the last bit and sliding into the ring on her stomach. She lays for a second before jumping up to her feet and holding her arms up in the middle of the ring. Heidi then turns to glare at Depth~
Smith: It appears that Heidi is still upset about Depth's offer last week.
Hood: She should have accepted. Could have made some easy cash. Instead, she attacked him. What a prude.
~Scruff checks both competitors and calls for the bell. Before Scruff can put his hand down, Heidi charges at Depth, driving her shoulder into the midsection and pushing him into the corner. She starts raining chops and punches and kicks on the porn director. Scruff tries to get control of the situation but Heidi just screams at Scruff, scaring him and causing him to fall on his ass. Heidi continues her attack for a while longer before dragging on Depth to the middle of the ropes and launching him to the other side. Depth hits the ropes and bounces back towards Heidi, who leaps up and hits a Lou Thesz Press! Depth falls to the mat with Heidi on top of him. Heidi grabs Depth by the side of the head and repeatedly slams his head off of the mat. She is treating Depth's head like a basketball for a while until she gets a confused look on her face. The look quickly turns to disgust and anger as she realizes and the fans are that Depth is trying to thrust upwards in a sexual way. She jumps off of him screaming in rage~
Heidi: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!
Smith: And Depth is trying to change our rating to TV MA.
Hood: MA nothing. He's going for a full triple X! He's trying to show Heidi what she missed out on last week.
Smith: By her reaction, she's none to pleased at this "showing."
Hood: The prude bitch just doesn't know what she's missing when it comes to the "King of Dong Style"
~Depth slowly gets to his feet and Heidi runs at him. She goes for a clothesline, but Depth ducks and gets behind her and grabs her around the waist. He goes for a German Suplex, but Heidi blocks it by wrapping her leg around his. Depth tries again, and again it's block. A big smile spreads across his face and he raises his hands to Heidi's chest!~
Depth: BOOBY-PLEX!
~Heidi is fucking livid! She swings her elbows back in a manic fit of rage. One of the swings catches Depth square in the jaw. Depth releases the mammaries and staggers backwards in a daze. Heidi turns around and delivers a devastating right hook to Depth's already injured jaw! His head snaps to the right and down goes Frazier! Scruff goes to check on him and tries to call for the bell, but Heidi grabs his wrist and waves one finger on her free hand back and forth, telling him no. Scruff backs away from the scary lady and motions at Depth as if to say he's all yours~
Hood: Scruff being a pussy and letting himself get bossed around like that. WEAK ASS reffing!
Smith: I'd like to see you try to stand up to Heidi.
Hood: I would love to but my job is behind the announce table, not in the ring.
Smith: That sounds like a WEAK ASS excuse.
Hood:........... You ruined it. I may still say it, but know that you've ruined that catch phrase for the rest of my life.
~Heidi has Depth back to his feet and leaning against the ropes, which is a good thing because the director still hasn't fully come to his senses. She steps back a little, lines up Depth and Superkicks him. Depth stays standing, but not of his own accord. The ropes are keeping him up. Heidi steps back again and hits Depth with another Mass Effect! This time, the director drops to his knees and he can barely keep his head up. The fans are chanting "ONE MORE TIME" and Heidi is more than happy to grant their request. She steps back and leaps forward with all her might, hitting her most vicious Mass Effect yet. Depth is down and out, landing face first to the mat. He's not even moving except for his back rising and falling with his breathing. Scruff checks on him again, and this time Heidi let's him call for the bell.~
Belvedere: Here is your winner by knockout, HEIDI!!!!!
Smith: What a brutal beating administered by Heidi…she taught John E Depth a lesson
Hood: Man she straight whipped Depth’s ass. That bitch is fierce
Smith: Indeed…she’s going to have a bright future here, Hood…no doubt. I’m looking forward to seeing Heidi compete against tougher competition in the coming weeks.
Hood: You shit talking John E Depth?
Smith: Yes, I believe I am
Hood: Can’t say I blame you
Smith: Regardless…Heidi is victorious in her opening match in convincing fashion. Now, let’s head backstage as Massacre rolls on!
~The cameras cut backstage to a set of couches set up in the back. Noticeably, OCW’s infamous casting couch is not included in the bunch. Above the couches is a large banner that reads “Process of Elimination Watch Party.” All the couches are fixed on a wall that displays a large flat screen television. All of the couches are empty except for one which displays a sprawled out Ed Houston. He’s amiously trying to figure out how to set up the television when Josie Barnes walks by~
Houston: “Hey Josie!”
Josie: “Uh hey Ed. What’s up?”
Houston: “You want to join my watch party. I’m doing some scouting for my Lost at Sea match but I’m kinda struggling to get this remote to work.”
~He hits it a few times against the couch arms~
Josie: “Uh no. Tonight’s kind of a big night for me. Lukas is fighting The Uber Man and I’m fighting TIO tonight.”
Houston: “Oh right I almost forgot about your protector, I mean boyfriend.”
Josie: “He is my protector for other reasons, not for in the ring. God I’m so tired of everyone thinking that I need him to protect me in the ring. I would fight Uber Man but I’m focusing on you. I’m not going to let you walk out of Lost at Sea with that belt. So maybe you should change that banner to Josie vs TIO watch party. Unless you want to underestimate me.”
~Houston smiles. He points down to his still bruised arms~
Houston: “I won’t. Man you and your friends take this thing too seriously. You earned some of my respect Josie but you aren’t taking this title at Lost at Sea and I’m just trying to have some fun. So stop on by after your match. We’re getting pizza and chips and everything.”
~Josie smiles back lips pressed and tinged with anger~
Josie: “I’ll see you at Lost at Sea, Ed. I don’t care who else is in our match. Hold that belt tight. It’s going to be mine soon.”
~She pushes past Ed and continues to walk down the hallway. Ed grips his championship belt a little tighter but rolls his eyes. He jumps back on the couch and starts to fiddle with the remote again as the camera fades away~
~We cut to footage from earlier in the week. Treat Cassidy sits behind his desk at his Cassidy Global Sports LLC office in Miami. He has a pile of papers before him. He’s leaned back in his desk chair with a landline phone receiver to his ear.~
Cassidy: Mr. Rosenberg, I understand our clients are very hard to contain - but, this sponsorship deal with Andretti theme park will benefit the both of us. I assume like me, you’re looking out for your capital.
~Cassidy nods, as he smiles. We cannot hear what Ezra Rosenberg is saying in return, but whatever it is, he seems to be in agreement with Cassidy.~
Cassidy: Alright then, I’ll go over it with Chad and I’ll have him there by 11am. It’ll be a good time. At the end of the day it’s all about the benjamins as they say. Yep. Yes sir, you too. I’ll be in touch.
~Cassidy hangs up the phone. He picks it up again and presses a button.~
Cassidy: Deb, get me Chad on the horn please.
Deb: He actually just walked in, sir.
Cassidy: Perfect. Send him in, please.
Deb: Yes sir.
~Before Cassidy can hang up the phone, his door flies open and in walks CHAD VARGAS. Dressed in black Dickies shorts and a white ‘COUNTRY BOY’ cut off t-shirt. He nods hello to his agent as he walks in and takes a load off on Cassidy’s leather sofa. (NOT THE CASTING COUCH. But, a strong resemblance) Cassidy smiles at his longtime client.~
Vargas: I hate that fuckin’ smile. What do you have up your sleeve?
Cassidy: Just a little sponsorship deal I’ve cooked up with Andretti Theme Parks.
Vargas: And?
Cassidy: We are going to promote the Lost at Sea match with you and Matt Meyhu, in the long run we are also promoting the theme park. This means sponsorship dollars and lots of recognition.
Vargas: Uh huh. And what’s that mean for me?
Cassidy: Well, I just got off the horn with Matt’s agent. Tomorrow morning we’re gonna take a drive to Key West, we are going to meet Matt and his agent, Ezra Rosenberg and we are going to cut loose and have some fun.
Vargas: Again… what the fuck does that mean!? Have fun? You realize that I want nothing to do with this guy or his flamer agent? I’m set to murder this mother fucker at the end of the month and you want me to what? Play fuckin’ lazer tag with him?
~Cassidy laughs as he strokes his chin.~
Cassidy: Lazer tag is an option actually. But, no. I figured ya’ll two can have a spirited go-kart race, a friendly mini-golf game, hit the batting cages. You know. Cut loose before ya’ll try killing one another at Lost at Sea.
Vargas: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
Cassidy: No sir. It’ll be great. Plus the both of you will be getting a strong check from Andretti’s.
~Vargas sighs, not wanting any part of this endeavour. But throws his hands up as if to say ‘whatever’.~
Vargas: I don’t know why I allow you to set this gay ass shit up for me. One of these days I’m gonna cut you loose and roll solo.
~Vargas stands up from the sofa. Cassidy shakes his head, slightly offended. Vargas heads for the door.~
Cassidy: I’ll pick you up at 8!
Vargas: Fuck you!
~We cut away~
~A shot of the concession area is shown. Tony's protege Richard is manning the hot dogs as guest line up to order their 2 for 1 marvel dog sale. At the Merchandise table a balding middle aged 40 year old man is Interacting with Tony~
Man: What do you mean you are all out of Juliett Brooks posters? I need that to add to my collection.
Tony: sorry that's been our most popular item this week.
Man: what about those Rabbit foot keychains?
Tony: (shakes his head) sorry. Out of that as well. But how about these Matt Meyhu action figures? You sure you don't want the champ's action figure.
~Tony hands him a small action figure that looks more like a Ken Doll than it does a wrestler~
Man: I already have that.
Tony: what about this notepad with the professor's face on it?
Man: why would I want a note pad?
Tony: what about this jacket?
Man: that's disgusting. I don't want a human flesh jacket.
Tony: ok.. why dont you come over to the side and let me get your information, and we can ship over a signed poster when we get more.
~Tony motions for an unidentified worker to take over the merchandise as he walks over the side with the angry fan~
Tony: okay, if you are patient the poster will come in 2 to 4 weeks, I just need an address. And we will take half price off the order.
Man: 2 to 4 weeks. That's too long. I really want a Juliett Brooks poster.
Tony: (leans in to the man, and then pulls out an 8 by 10 laminated sheet from his fanny pack then hands it to the man) ok. Tell ya what. I'll sell you this. But it will be full priced. And it's not signed.
~The man grabs the sheet and looks at a photoshopped image of Juliett Brooks naked on the beach. He shakes his head and pushes it back at Tony~
Man: that's not even her. Why do you have a photoshopped image of Juliett Brooks?
Tony: uh.. research purposes..
Man:let me see that picture again..
~Tony hands the man the sheet again.. the man looks at it for a bit.. then pulls out a wad of money from his pocket~
Man: well I guess this will do.. but I'd better be getting my poster in 2 weeks.
Tony: (grabs the money and unfold it) hahahahahaha!
~We cut back to ringside~
Smith: That man is an embarrassment. Can we please revoke his access?
Hood: That photoshop job was like something out of the late 90s!
Smith: I wouldn't know...I averted my eyes when it was shown out of respect for Julliet
Hood: You are such a nerd
Smith: Chivalry may not exist in your world, Hood. But it does in mine!
Hood: Blah blah blah
Smith: Anyway...speaking of eccentric individuals who are signed to this company for reasons I'll never understand...it's time for The Uber Man's in ring debut as a signed talent. Let's head down to ringside
Hood: Lukas is gonna beat that ass
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Singles Match
Lukas Emery (2 pts) vs. The Uber Man (4 pts)
~The fans are standing around, suspiciously quiet. Belvedere steps into the center of the ring~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following contest is scheduled for one fall!
~A scream sounds out! We see a woman hop the barricade. She’s being chased by a mischievous looking man with a thin, black mustache. He cackles and moves around like a creep. The woman falls at the bottom of the ramp. She’s trapped. She’s about to be abducted…when, suddenly, “I Need a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler hits the OCW Arena speakers! The crowd pops. The villain turns, looking up the ramp. A tiny yellow car bursts forth from behind the curtain and makes its way down the ramp~
Smith: Oh my…what is this
Hood: It’s OCW’s hero…he’s here to save the day!
~The yellow vehicle comes to a stop. A man in a green suit flies from out of the driver’s side door. It’s THE UBER MAN! He lunges for the villain…but his cape gets caught in the door. That’s okay…he just rips the cape in half and lunges for the villain – who isn’t trying to get away all that quickly. If he WERE an actor (not saying he is)…but if he WERE an actor, we’d find it no shock that this is the best role he can muster. Uber Man tackles the villain. The villain yells out “Oh my! You’ve stopped me! The Mighty Uber Man! I am no challenge for his heroism!” Uber Man stands and poses. The female stands…she’s smiling, staring at The Uber Man. Uber’s back is to her…he’s soaking in the crowd’s applause and cheers~
Smith: Okay…we get it…can we get to the match
Hood: Let the hero have his moment!
~Unfortunately it seems as though Uber forgot to put the emergency brake on. The yellow car starts to roll, picking up steam…it rams into the woman, knocking her down and out. Uber turns around and sees her on the ground. He rushes forward and tries to pick her up…however, it seems she’s too heavy for him. So, he tries to drag her away~
Smith: This has gone on way too long…and why is this song still playing?
Hood: Because he hasn’t finished his entrance yet!
Smith: This guy isn’t even on the official roster!
~Knux hustles down. He grabs Uber and points toward the ring – making it very clear the office has had enough of the shenanigans. Uber does as he’s told…galloping toward the ring, rolling in under the bottom rope. Knux picks up the woman and throws her over his shoulder. He points at the villain and yells at him to get the car. The villain breaks character and does as he’s told. For some reason this is all caught on camera…we quickly cut away to save kayfabe, I suppose…as if that’s possible. We then focus in on Belvedere who appears annoyed by Uber Man’s presence~
Belvedere: Please welcome…The Uber Man.
~The crowd lets out an “UBER” chant. He’s apparently won them over~
Smith: Look, I’m all for fun and games but OCW is a place for great athletes and serious competition. I think this entire spectacle demeans the sport of professional wrestling
Hood: Yet you cream your pants whenever Alice Knight lets out a hoot or plays around with bad mustard
Smith: Leave the memories alone, Hood
~Uber’s music finally dies out. The lights in the arena go out, leaving it in total darkness as "Bartholomew" by The Silent Comedy begins to play over the sound system~
"Oh my God, please help me.
~The guitar comes in, as a spotlight illuminates an area of the stage, and Lukas Emeey slowly makes his way out onto the stage, wearing his black tank top and blue jeans~
Belvedere: Now making his way to the ring, from London, England, Lukas Emery!
~The spotlight follows as Emery continues his way to the ring, bouncing along with the music a little bit. He makes his way to ringside and takes the steps up to the ring before stepping into the ring. Once inside, he slowly turns around, looking out at his surroundings, before placing his eyes on Uber Man. Emery scowls a massive scowl~
Smith: No love lost between these two. Uber has been a major annoyance for Josie Barnes in 2018
Hood: All because he wanted to escort her around town preventing another DUI
Smith: That first DUI report was erroneous and you know that!
Hood: Hey…I’m just saying…she might have got hold of some of that purple drank, ya know what I’m saying?
Smith: I have no earthly idea what you’re saying…so let’s just call the match, okay?
~Belvedere exits the ring…the bell sounds. Uber Man poses in his corner, like a superhero. Lukas just stares at him, probably wondering why he’s forced to wrestle such an imbecile~
Smith: I honestly have no idea why we are wasting our time with this goof
Hood: Equal opportunity, Smith. All races, all sizes, all genders and, well, all mental disorders
Smith: Lukas is one of our top draws…he’s got Mack O’Connor to worry about. He doesn’t need to fool around with this idiot
Hood: And yet, here we are…CLASSIC OCW, BABY
~Emery rushes toward Uber. Uber drops the pose and takes off running. The bottom of his cape drags, barely, across the mat. Lukas starts to chase Uber, but stops, realizing how stupid a scenario it is. He stands, watching Uber…once Uber figures out that Lukas isn’t chasing him, he stops in a corner and resumes his pose. The crowd laughs. Lukas starts to grow angry~
Smith: This is…well, this is awful
Hood: Hey, you keep pushing this Zybala narrative…well, hope you enjoy the results!
Smith: You’re sure this is of Zybala’s making?
Hood: Of course I am! Uber Man was practically the headliner of that goofy backyard fed Zybala is so in love with
~Emery approaches Uber once more. He draws nearer and nearer. Uber takes off! Lukas extends his foot and stomps it on Uber’s cape!! The cape stiffens and chokes Uber! He falls to the mat with his back slamming hard! The crowd boos. Lukas is unmoved by the booing. He keeps his foot on the cape while Uber tries to move around~
Smith: That should teach the titwillow to wear a cape when he wrestles?
Hood: The WHAT?
Smith: TITWILLOW!
Hood: What the fuck does that mean?
Smith: Imbecile!
~With his foot on the cape, Lukas bends over and grabs Uber by the throat. He yanks Uber to his feet and hoists him in the air. Uber’s legs flail around, his eyes are wide, he’s got fear painted across his face. Lukas tosses Uber into the nearest corner…Uber lands awkwardly, slamming the back of his head into the top buckle. Lukas charges in with a forearm smash into the side of Uber’s head!! He doesn’t relent…throwing several additional forearms until he finally backs away, allowing Uber to slouch to the mat~
Smith: This shouldn’t last very long
Hood: Potential snuff film happening in the ring
Smith: Let’s hope it doesn’t go that far!
Hood: I wonder if Lukas brought his knife with him…he throws knives, you know
Smith: Yes, I know
~Lukas takes his foot and jams it into Uber’s throat. He applies all his weight and pressure into choking Uber out. Uber kicks his feet and tries to remove the boot with his hands, but is unable – he’s too weak. The crowd boos, slightly~
Smith: These people are fond of Lukas…however nobody likes to see this type of brutality
Hood: Not to mention Uber probably drove half these people to the arena
Smith: If that’s the case, he doesn’t need to be wrestling – he should have plenty of money
Hood: He’s delusional, Smith. You can’t reason with delusional people.
~Lukas removes his foot and grabs Uber by his weird haircut. He whips Uber across the ring…Uber stumbles, falling to his knees. Lukas charges forward, improvising, he leaps through the air and drives a knee into the back of Uber’s head!! Uber falls face first onto the mat, motionless. Lukas returns to his feet and looks down at Uber, hands on his hips, shaking his head~
Smith: This is why fans should not enter into that ring without the proper amount of training
Hood: And why goofballs wearing capes shouldn’t harass girlfriends of professional wrestlers
Smith: Well, yea, he has failed to pick up Josie’s hints
Hood: I’m no fan of Josie or Lukas…but this ass kicking was well earned by that dumbass
~Uber slowly starts to crawl. Lukas extends his arms, exasperated over this situation. He has failed to break a sweat. Uber crawls toward the ropes…he places his chest over the bottom rope and lays there, frowning with discomfort. Lukas marches toward him. He snares Uber by the hair, yanking him back to his feet. He pushes Uber against the ropes…Uber Man teeters upon the ropes, ready to fall over at any second. Lukas spins around and drills Uber with a Roaring Elbow!! Uber falls to the mat. Lukas places his foot on Uber’s chest. Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
NO!
Smith: Why did he stop?
Hood: Did he forget how to count again?
Smith: No, that’s not it…Uber’s too close to the ropes, his foot us under the bottom rope
Hood: Oh for fuck’s sake
~Lukas looks at Scruff as if to ask ‘Really?’ He stands and paces for a second, regaining his composure. He stops and stares at Uber. He motions that it’s over. He grabs Uber by the arm and drags him near the center of the ring. Lukas heads for the corner~
Smith: Light of Emery and this one is over
Hood: About fucking time…we’ve got real shit to get to
~Lukas reaches the top and looks down. Uber starts to move. Lukas rolls his eyes and shakes his head – he’s about to lose his shit. He points down at Uber while yelling at Scruff. Scruff just shrugs. Uber gets to his feet and staggers around. He turns, facing Lukas~
Smith: It looks like Lukas is going to have to alter his plans from up there…he gave Uber too much time
Hood: Even the pussiest of pussies will get back to his feet eventually – assuming they aren’t dead
Smith: Yea, well, I guess there’s merit embedded within that statement
~Emery leaps off with a crossbody. He connects! Uber is so light and so weak, however, that Emery’s momentum is too strong. They hit the mat and Uber rolls over on top of Lukas! Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings, the crowd reacts with shock. Lukas kicks out RIGHT after three~
Smith: Are you serious? YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS?
Hood: Are you fucking kidding me? Fire Scruff! Fire Zybala! This is JUMPING THE SHARK
~Uber rolls out of the ring. He hits the floor and looks around, still unsure of what’s taken place. Lukas is on his feet, storming around the ring. He grabs Scruff by the shirt and bullies him into a corner, demanding to know what’s just happened. Scruff holds up three fingers and motions toward Belvedere~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….THE UBER MAN!!!!!
Smith: I can’t believe this…that was such a fluke!
Hood: This is why you don’t fuck around with idiots…sometimes they’ll bring you down with them. Fuck
~Uber staggers up the ramp, excited upon realizing what’s happened. He reaches the top of the ramp and poses. The crowd gives him a strong ovation. Lukas turns and sees Uber posing. He leaps over the rope to the floor. Uber sees Lukas leaving the ring…he drops the pose and stumbles while sprinting away, through the curtain. Lukas stops, halfway up the ramp and just bends over at the waist. He pauses for a moment before yelling “FUCK!” as loud as he can~
Smith: Now that…that is the pinnacle of frustration. This is certainly not indicative toward the type of talent Lukas Emery possesses
Hood: No way, the fucker is really, really good…and Uber is a fuckin joke. This whole fiasco is a fuckin joke
Smith: And, yet…it stands in the record books. My gosh…there is going to be some fallout from this
Hood: I’m glad I’m not running this place
Smith: Indeed...and, well, speaking of that man...let's cut backstage to check in on our GM who is already enduring a rough evening
Knee deep in the river trying to get clean.
He says wash your hands, get out the stains.
But ya best believe boy, there's hell to pay.
Yeah, ya best believe boy, there's hell to paaaayyyy."
~We cut to the office of Marcus Welsh. He’s speaking intently with head of HR, Cap Slock~
Marcus Welsh: So his trailer burned down?
Cap Slock: YESSIR. THAT’S A FACT.
Marcus Welsh: Did you find any human bones? Any signs that he was burned alive in there?
Cap Slock: NO SIR. ALL WE FOUND WAS THIS.
~Cap Slock produces a charred HUMAN FLESH jacket. Welsh frowns and waves it away. He points to Knux, who snares the disgusting item~
Marcus Welsh: Knux, please, go toss that in the furthest dumpster from the building. Thank you.
Cap Slock: SO SIR SHALL I CALL THE AUTHORITIES? I THINK WE NEED TO HAVE AN INVESTIGATION.
Marcus Welsh: Why would I do that, Captain? So the police could poke their noses around here? So the police could catch Iggy doing something stupid or, well, any other member of our roster involved in illegal activities? Backstage at a wrestling event is the last place you want the police snooping around, do you understand?
Cap Slock: BUT SIR
Marcus Welsh: Captain…if there were no human bones, no skeletal frame than I’m going to assume Crimson is alive and well somewhere. Where that is, I do not care. He’s no longer our problem. Guy’s gone AWOL, apparently. So let’s just forget about it and move on.
Cap Slock: YESSIR
~Cap Slock, always the loyal solider exits and puts the Crimson burning behind him. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Devastating news, Hood. Tommy Crimson looked well on his way to main eventing here in OCW and now, well, now he’s gone.
Hood: You can’t trust a flamer, Smith
Smith: Apparently not…anyway, let’s move on from that as we’ve got a lot of stuff to get into.
#DARLIN' YOU GIVE LOVE, A BAD NAME....
#FFFFUUUUCCCKKKKK YYYYEEEAAAAOOOOUUU!!!!
Rebel: Evening fans....
Crowd: BOOOOOOO!!!!
~She shrugs her shoulders a bit with a sigh~
Rebel: ... Yeah I know, I've been kind of a flaming bitch lately. Some of it warranted, like being verbally made into the equivalent of quivering fuck meat by Bob Grenier.
Crowd: BOB! BOB! BOB! BOB! BOB!
Rebel: Yeah, I fucked him up, but he had that coming and the only regret was that I took myself down along with him. I have no regrets about injuring Bob or costing him his spot because, to be quite frank, he's a dick towards women and doesn't see us as equals in the sport. All he sees is a moist hole waiting to be filled and my only hope is that he'll have some measure of respect going forward for the fighting women who are brave enough to enter this ring against pieces of shit like him.
~Of course the crowd is mixed in it's response. Sexism is a sensitive subject afterall and the Rebel accepted both the applause and cheers as well as the jeers and boos from the more male chauvinist portion of the audience. She shifts on her crutch, gazing over the crowd and taking a moment to let them settle back down.~
Rebel: That being said, I want you all to think about something for a moment. There's a large chunk of you that hate me for all the wrong reasons and I'll tell you why. For starters, this mother fucker right here...
~She smirks a bit and points her finger at Smith behind the broadcast table who kind of throws his hands up and looks confused.~
Rebel: Yeah you shit for brains. Smith, last week you said that I was the Antagonist in all of this. I haven't started a single fucking thing that's happened here. I've been a bit too busy standing up for myself at every turn and your punk ass wants to paint me as a goddamned Villainess.
~The Rebel waves him off as he starts to respond and just looks away with disgust.~
Rebel: Shut the fuck up and don't even try to justify yourself, bitch. Here's a key example of me being an 'Antagonist' as our good and noble commentator, Mr. Smith, puts it; Juliet Brooks got in my face two Monday's ago and I was in no mood for any bullshit. So when she decided to take it upon herself to imply that I sucked cock to get where I am, well.... I pasted the bitch as hard as I could and knocked her ass to the floor as any woman in this sport worth her salt should do in that situation!
~The Rebel holds her microphone out and gives it a little slap, a pop sounding over the speakers for emphasis.~
Rebel: Her Response was to strike me from behind like a chickenshit with a steel chair, attempting to turn my skull box into a pile of mush. The fact that I'm standing in this ring right now with a bum leg, eighteen stitches on the back of my head, and a migraine from hell should be more than enough indication as to what kind of a woman I am. Everything I have in this sport, I fought for, bled for, and earned. Bitch deserved every welt, blister, and tear I put across her face and more, but that's what I get for being generous and letting her off light. I spared her the impulse of kicking her ass and putting her head through Tommy Crimson's locker room door saying "HERE'S A FREE PUNCHING BAG MOTHERFUCKER! ENJOY!!!"
~The small hint of veins appearing on her neck and the sternness of her gaze leave little to the imagination as to what her mental state is at this very moment.~
Rebel: My kindness cost me eighteen stitches on the back of my head and a cherry spot in the Process of Elimination Main Event tonight. Yet there are some of you that want to cheer on Juliet Brooks and Bob Grenier, even though I'm the one being picked on. I'm the one getting beaten and kicked while she's down. I'm the one having to stand up and fight back and not a goddamned one of you think that's odd or strange at all....
~The crowd had lowered to a murmur during the tail end of her speech, fans having small discussions among themselves a if reflecting on the words she just spoke to them. As music hit's the P/A system, Melinda glares hard at the entrance arch....~
~"Down" by Otep plays and out walks Julliet Brooks in her full ring gear onto the stage to a chorus of cheers from the audience, simply smiling from ear to ear, and continued to walk down the ramp. Once there she claps some fans hands at ringside then stops short of the ring with a hand on her hip and a smirk on her face. In her free hand is a microphone which she brings to her lips.~
Brooks: Listen up you mealy mouthed, Puta!
*POP*
Brooks: I see that you recovered well from that chairshot to the head. How did that feel by the way? I must of hurt you to know that someone like me got the better advantage. That slap you gave me last week was simply weak and you know it. I warned you not to cross me and now you made the biggest mistake ever. There's no turning back now.
~The Rebel tilts her head ever so slightly.~
Rebel: I'm surprised you didn't step into the ring & try something, considering the advantage you'd have on me with a bum leg at present, seeing as you can't beat a healthy competitor face to face. TIO proved that last week.
~Julliet shook her head as she made her way down the aisle at a fast paced stride. The Rebel hobbles back a bit to allow Juliet a little breathing room as she slips through those ropes. ~
Brooks: You had to use that match as your example, but your wrong. I've done it before and I'm not afraid to do it again. It's not my fault that you are weak and can't handle some punishment, sweetheart.
~She closes the distance, getting face to face with Melinda who just shoots her a wicked smile.~
Rebel: Honey, I put Bob through hell two weeks in a row, momentarily shelving one of the best in-ring competitors this company has and you're going to tell me I can't handle a little punishment.
~Mel slowly shakes her head.~
Rebel: You have no idea who the hell I am and that excites me because now.... I will have the opportunity to put the fear of God in you.....
~The crowd has a mixed response, uncertain as to the meaning of what Melinda just said, but Julliet continues on without a second thought.~
Brooks: Anyone that has watched my career over the years knows that I fear absolutely nothing. Not god, not the rest of the roster and certainly not you.
~Suddenly Melinda drops the crutch and stands up straight, eye to eye with Juliet Brooks and a devious grin on her face. Juliet, thinking fast, goes for a strike but the Rebel blocks the shot, boots her in the gut, and catches her in a 3 quarter necklock before dropping with her infamous...~
Hood: SHOT IN THE DARK OUTTA' NOWHERE!!!!!
~...The Rebel bounces back up on her feet, proceeding to unstrap the brace around her leg and tosses it aside. She then gathers up the microphone as the crowd gives off a mixed pop reaction, and brings it to her ruby red lips while squatting down and looming over the unconscious Juliet Brooks.~
Rebel: I am neither fragile, nor weak. You came out here only because you thought you had an easy target and if you were a hair smarter, you'd have made the first move rather than letting your alligator mouth overrun your mockingbird ass.....
~Melinda gently stroked Juliet's hair back from her face.~
Rebel: .... Julliet, lil' Miss Thang, as you drift in and out of consciousness, I got a proposition.... You.... Me.... Lost at Sea... HARDCORE ANYWHERE FALLS MATCH! I want to step onto the USS Theodore Roosevelt and kick your ass from the flight deck all the way down into the bowels of the cargo hold. If you're a smart bitch, you'll keep your mouth shut and stay the fuck away from me. Please....When you wake up, PLEASE be stupid enough to say yes.
~Dropping the mic on Julliet's head with a thump, She then flips dual birds before rolling onto her back and out of the ring, strolling down the aisle with a bit of a skip in her step.....~
Smith: Hood! Melinda was playing possum!
Hood: I'm liking Rhodes more and more
Smith: And now she's laid out the precious Julliet Brooks...
Hood: Oh boo-fucking-hoo
Smith: I hope Julliet takes her up on that offer...c'mon, Julliet...put Rhodes in her place
Hood: You are seriously the most biased announcer ever
Smith: I will not hear your snide comments, Hood! Instead, I will send it backstage where Marcus Welsh is, again, in his office
~We cut backstage to the office of Marcus Welsh yet again. He’s shredding a contract with the name ‘Crimson’ on it. Knux is back, having disposed of the HUMAN FLESH jacket~
Marcus Welsh: Interesting stuff from Rhodes and Brooks. Normally I’m not one to increase the workload for an event like Lost at Sea but given the recent departure of Crimson I think a Rhodes/Brooks match might be just what we need to give the event a much needed boost
~Knux just stands there~
Marcus Welsh: Glad you agree. All we need now is for Brooks to agree.
~There is a knock at the door. Knux answers. Curt Canon steps in with Checkers on his shoulder. The OCW Arena pops! Welsh smiles and motions for Canon to come forward~
Curt Canon: You wanted to see me, sir?
Marcus Welsh: I asked for you…I didn’t ask for that thing on your shoulder
Curt Canon: Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Checkers. We don’t have any secrets
~Welsh widens his eyes and mouths the word ‘whatever’. He shuffles some papers before speaking~
Marcus Welsh: I don’t know if you’re aware but Tommy Crimson’s trailer caught fire and burned to the ground last week after Massacre, we…
Curt Canon: We had nothing to do with it, sir!
~Welsh is caught off guard. He glares at Canon for a few moments before coming to the conclusion that further investigation into the issue would create an unnecessary headache. So, he keeps going~
Marcus Welsh: As I was saying…his trailer burned to the ground, he’s currently AWOL so…he’s out of the Lost at Sea event. Which means…
~Canon’s eyes widen. He looks at Checkers. Checkers places his hands on top of his head and screams with joy~
Curt Canon: I’M THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER! I’M THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER!!
~Checkers hops off Canon’s shoulder. The two start to dance around Welsh’s office with Canon repeating the phrase over and over again. Welsh shakes his head and looks at Knux. Knux sighs. He takes his fist and slams it on top of Welsh’s large, wooden desk creating this heavy BOOM that shakes the room. Canon stops dancing. Checkers shrieks, climbs up Curt’s back and trembles atop his shoulder~
Marcus Welsh: Stop dancing around like a damn fool. You want to be OCW Champion, act like a champion! For fuck’s sake. You really think I’d let you walk into an OCW Title match that easily? That’s now how things work around here, Curt. You’re still going to have to earn that #1 Contender spot. I just have to figure out who you’ll be facing.
Curt Canon: Oh…okay.
~Curt is obviously disappointed by this news~
Marcus Welsh: Lost at Sea is in three weeks. I’ll have this situation figured out by next Monday. So don’t’ slack off on your training, stay in shape because you’re gonna have to fight your ass off on July 30th against someone to earn that OCW Title shot. Now, get out of here…I’ve got enough stress weighing on me as it is…I don’t need some man and his monkey staring at me.
~Curt and Checkers exit. Welsh leans back in his chair. It’s obvious that the stress of the job is starting to get to him. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Well that’s not good news, Hood
Hood: Good news for Curt…means at least he won’t have to avoid getting murdered by a lunatic over the next few weeks
Smith: True…but who is he going to face? This company put a lot of time and energy into Tommy Crimson and now, now he’s gone
Hood: Fuck flamer…he left us high and dry. Let’s move on to someone who wants to be here and represent the OCW name with pride.
Smith: Yea, I can’t argue that. Onward and upward, as they say! We will find out who Canon will face next week so, until then, let the speculation begin! We're just about set for our next match...but, before we go down to ringside, let's check on some more of the ongoing dealings between Chad Vargas and Matt Meyhu...footage taped from earlier this week!
~It’s a beautiful sunny day at Andretti Theme Park. We pan the entire complex, the place is slamming. People, kids, adults, children of all ages enjoying themselves on this hot humid summer Florida day. A line forms at the go-kart entrance. There’s 10 go-karts going around the track. Instant smiles of those riding the karts. All of a sudden, OCW champion, Matt Meyhu and #1 contender, Chad Vargas emerge from the beer tent. Each of them clutching their respective drink. They immediately go to the front of the go-kart waiting line.
Kid #1: HEY!
Vargas: Fuck off!
Kid #2: Jerk!
Meyhu: Life’s not fair, kid. Hey, you dropped something!
~Meyhu flips a ball cap off the kid the two gladiators cut off. Vargas motions to the flag man. He nods, displaying the checkered flag ending the race abruptly. The go-karts come into the pits and the riders begin dismounting. Meyhu and Vargas hop into the first karts they see and stare each other down as the kids fill in the empty seats.~
Meyhu: You ready for this?
Vargas: You’re fucked!
~The race begins and the champion and contender are off. Vargas forces one kid off the track in an effort to get ahead of the pack.~
Cassidy: Careful Chad!
~Not to be outdone, Meyhu cause two kids to collide, making room for him to catch up to Vargas.~
Rosenberg: Oh, come on Matty! Not cool.
~As they head for the final corner, Vargas and Meyhu bump into each other a few times. They head into the corner and get tangled up, both spinning off the track. They come to a stop in the grass, facing each other. After a brief moment of quiet, they both jump out of the carts and head right for each other. Fists start flying!~
Rosenberg: Oh shit.
Cassidy: That’s enough!
~The agents jump in and try to separate the two monsters from each other as the kids stare on, cheering. We cut back to the live feed~
Smith: Well that didn't go as planned
Hood: Putting the champ in a go kart...WEAK ASS BOOKING
Smith: Same could be said for Vargas...I guess money will make a man do strange things. But, regardless, not a smart idea putting those two in the same room right now...in three weeks they will face one another for Meyhu's OCW Title
Hood: Vargas hates Meyhu. Meyhu...well I'm not sure he really cares all that much about Vargas - then again, he doesn't care about anyone, aside from himself. That's why he's champ.
Smith: Vargas has always felt Meyhu received preferential treatment when he joined last year. It's a grudge he's been unable to release. He will get his chance to finally move on from this obsession at Lost at Sea.
Hood: That or...or...the obsession will become so, so much worse
Smith: Indeed...well, folks...it's time for our next match of the evening as former OCW Champion, The Incredible One takes on The Purple VIP, Josie Barnes. Let's head down to ringside!
|
|
Singles Match
“The Purple VIP” Josie Barnes (49 pts) vs. The Incredible One (36 pts)
~The bell sounds. The crowd goes wild – they know what’s coming up! Belvedere is in the ring…after the first two matches, he appears pleased to bring something a little more serious to the table~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following contest is scheduled for one fall!
~The heavy riffs of "Who Taught You How to Hate" begin to ring through the arena as the crowd leaps out of their seats. They cheer heavily as The Incredible One emerges from the back followed by his daughter Jenna. TIO smiles as he looks out at the sea of fans while his daughter claps behind him. TIO starts down the ramp, clapping hands of the fans and waits at the bottom for Jenna. When she finally joins him, he hugs her before she leaves him. Jenna heads to the side of the ring as TIO rolls into the ring and immediately goes to a turnbuckle, climbing it and raising his arms, flexing to the intensity of the music and the atmosphere. He jumps off the turnbuckle as the lights go out except for a single spotlight shining into the middle of the ring. He enters into the light, head down~
Belvedere: Please welcome to the ring, from Halifax, NS, Canada, weighing in this evening at 235lbs... THE INCREDIBLE ONE!!!
~He slowly lifts his head, breathing heavily, and staring into the camera as the thunderous crowd chants "TIO". He turns his head, as the spotlight fades and the lights return to normal and his music cuts quickly, with the buzz of the crowd still electric in the air~
Smith: There he is, Hood! He will take on Bradley Carrington in three weeks
Hood: The man who seems to hate his ribs
Smith: They are a source of vulnerability…but, he’s a fighter, Hood. I just hope his mind is in the right place this week after what we saw last week with Leslie
Hood: LEAVE THE WOMEN AND KIDS AT HOME….how is it THAT hard of a concept?
~"Shadow Boxing" by Parkway Drive hits! The heated crowd turns around and goes wild for one of OCW’s bright, upcoming stars of 2017, Josie Barnes! The entire crowd is hued in purple due to lighting. A “PURPLE VIP” chant breaks out! Josie smiles and coquettishly makes her way down the ramp, toward the ring. She slides in, under the bottom rope, and gets to her feet and rotates both shoulders, limbering up for the match.~
Belvedere: From Lily, Georgia…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 118lbs…she is the Purple VIP…she is…Josie Barnes!!!
~A “JOSIE” chant now breaks out. Barnes smiles and acknowledges the chant, throwing both arms into the air. The music dies down and Josie stares up the ramp towards the entrance way with a vicious grin on her face. ~
Smith: And the Purple VIP! She scored a huge win last week over a…possibly deceased Tommy Crimson
Hood: Yea, who knows…who cares. All I know is this purple creature keeps on winning
Smith: Indeed…she’s got a rematch against Ed Houston for the Craze Title
Hood: She must be blowing the right people backstage
Smith: That’s disgusting and totally fabricated!
~Josie is ready. TIO is ready. Belvedere is ready – to exit the ring. He does. The bell sounds~
Smith: Two of the top wrestlers about to go at it!
Hood: What? I don’t see Meyhu in the ring!
~TIO and Barnes approach. They lock up. TIO snatches Josie into a side headlock. Barnes wraps her arms around TIO’s midsection and squeezes…TIO winces…his grip loosens…Barnes is able to slip out from behind. She snares TIO’s arm and pins it behind his back, applying pressure. TIO winces, reaching around, trying to grab Josie…but she’s too small and quick to catch~
Smith: Both competitors feeling each other out at the start
Hood: Let’s hope HR isn’t watching!
Smith: It’s a term, Hood…he’s not LITERALLY feeling her out
Hood: How about UP, then?
Smith: You disgust me
~Josie knees TIO in the back of the leg, sending the former champ to one knee. She maneuvers her positioning. She places her leg on the back of TIO’s leg (the one with the knee on the mat) and wraps her right arm around TIO’s head, yanking back with a dragon sleeper! TIO yells out, extending his arms for the ropes, which are too far away. Again, we spot Jenna taking it in with her sponge like focus. The move is a unique one – one that she seems to be memorizing~
Smith: She’s got TIO bent backwards at a very narrow degree…that’s got to be painful, not just on the back and the neck…but on the ribs as well
Hood: And people think she’s so nice…look at her, Smith! LOOK AT HER! She’s trying to cripple TIO!
Smith: Bit of a stretch
Hood: Oh, so what are you…the Punmaster now?
Smith: Twas unintentional
~TIO starts to fight back. He reaches back, grabbing Josie. He rises to his feet. He’s got Josie draped over his shoulder! The fans rally behind his show of strength. He charges toward the corner, looking to hit Josie with Snake Eyes. Barnes slides off his back! TIO reaches the corner and stops before he hits anything. He turns around and is SMACKED with a spinning heel kick! He stumbles into the corner. Josie charges in and lifts a knee into his face! She tosses TIO out of the corner…he tumbles onto the mat, coming to rest in a seated position, his back facing the corner. Barnes charges, jumps and snaps TIO’s neck with a Running Somersault Neckbreaker!! TIO falls backward, onto his back, holding his neck in pain~
Smith: Josie doing a number on TIO’s neck. Interesting that she isn’t focusing her energy on his ribs
Hood: She’s a woman, she probably forgot he had injured ribs
Smith: RUDE
Hood: Her leg looks okay which backs up my theory that she was faking the injury this entire time
Smith: UNTRUE
~Barnes is back to her feet quickly…she runs for the ropes, leaps into the air, springboards off the middle rope with a lionsault! She connects!! She covers TIO for the quick pin attempt~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Fast start for the Purple VIP…shouldn’t come as a surprise…I’ve heard rumbling that TIO is going through some major personal issues
Hood: Hey, look, just because The Professor is smarter than TIO doesn’t mean TIO has to get all emotional about it
Smith: That is NOT what I’m talking about
~Barnes gets back to her feet. She measures TIO up, who is on his back. She rushes forward and leaps in the air, going for a knee drop. TIO moves!! Barnes slams her knee into the mat!! She gets to her feet, stumbling around, grabbing at her knee. TIO gets to his knees. Josie shakes some feeling back into her leg and charges at TIO again…she goes for a Shining Wizard. TIO ducks!! He grabs Josie by the legs and stands. He’s got her the wheelbarrow position. He tosses her over his head…she slams hard onto the mat via a Wheelbarrow Suplex!!! The crowd pops for the move! TIO bends over at the waist, shaking his head. He rubs his ribcage before straightening up and sucking some air. He looks over and spots Jenna, who flashes a smile toward her father~
Smith: That’s a proud daughter at ringside…he’s going to learn from the best, no doubt
Hood: Nice to see she’s actually pretending to cheer for her dad this week. Last week she was all aboard TEAM JULLIET
Smith: I think it’s simply the fact she can relate more to the female competitors.
Hood: Well, I guess it could be worse. She could be watching film of Alice Knight.
~TIO seems distracted by his daughter. This allows Josie the opportunity to return to her feet. She sneaks up behind TIO and knees him in the kidney! He turns around, Josie grabs him by the head and drops him with a Diving DDT!! She goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: I hate to say this…but it seems as though TIO’s mind is elsewhere this evening
Hood: That or old age is finally catching up with him
Smith: He’s not that old
Hood: He’s older than Barnes…and Iggy, maybe? How old is Iggy?
Smith: Nobody knows – not even Iggy
~TIO rolls out of the ring, to gather his wits. Josie remains inside the ring, unable to snare him before he’s able to escape. Jenna makes her way over to her father. She grabs his arm, he turns around, quickly and backs away. Jenna looks confused~
Smith: Perhaps he should have taken the week off…I’m not sure he’s mentally ready to compete
Hood: That or he’s on drugs. Is he on drugs? Instead of Janice did he see a Lizard man?
Smith: Her name is JENNA
Hood: Geez Louise…lay off me…and, get it, Louise…as in TIO’s fiancé?
Smith: You’re hopeless
~TIO calms down and moves to set Jenna’s nerves at ease. Before he can, Josie’s legs come flying into view as she performs a baseball slide right into the side of TIO’s head!! TIO stumbles to the side, falling onto his knees atop the bottom of the steel ramp. Barnes remains seated atop the apron, looking down at TIO. Jenna backs away, unsure of how to act. The crowd starts a “VIP” chant~
Smith: Josie, again, catches TIO off guard
Hood: You see? He keeps denying that his family isn’t a distraction but look…look at this fucking match!
Smith: He derives strength from the love of his fiancé and daughter, Hood. Something you’d know nothing about!
Hood: Oh whatever…they are a distraction, a liability…the longer they are around the more he will lose
~Barnes stands atop the apron. TIO reaches his feet, his back is to the ring. Josie waits for him to turn around. He does. She leaps off with what appears to be a Lou Thesz Press…TIO, though, catches her, spins around and drills her into the steel ramp way with a SPINEBUSTER!! Barnes yells out in pain, arching her back. TIO gets to his feet, hobbling, reaching for his knees. Jenna’s eyes widen while watching The Purple VIP writhe around in pain. TIO rolls back into the ring. Scruff begins to administer a count~
Smith: And just like that he recovers! You can never underestimate the talent and instincts of The Incredible One!!
Hood: Man he just cracked her back into that metal…The Purple VIP is going to need a throne with wheels
Smith: Rude AND offensive
Hood: What are you trying to say people who are all crippled up offend you?
Smith: No comment
~Scruff yells out “THREE!” The crowd urges Barnes to get up. TIO stands back, apparently okay with taking the count out victory. Jenna seems frustrated. It’s as though she doesn’t want the match to end this way. Scruff yells “FIVE!”~
Smith: Hood, this is how TIO beat Josie Barnes last year…via count out!
Hood: How do you remember this shit?
Smith: Because I pay attention
Hood: Hey, I pay attention – sometimes
~Scruff yells “SIX!” Josie is starting to move. Jenna makes her way toward Josie. Scruff yells “SEVEN!” Jenna reaches Josie and appears to reach out to grab her. Scruff yells from the ring. His yell startles Jenna. She backs away. Josie is on her feet now, wobbly. Scruff recomposes and yells “EIGHT!”~
Smith: Young Jenna, I think, was trying to aid Josie Barnes
Hood: Why the hell would she do that?
Smith: Looks up to her, maybe? I think she’s just caught up in the action…she enjoys watching the competition
Hood: Somebody take the kid back to daycare…for fuck’s sake!
Smith: Regardless, her interruption stalled the count. It could allow Josie the time she needs to get back in the ring!
~Scruff yells out “NINE!” The crowd is on their feet, yelling at Josie. She sprints for the ring and slides in just before ten!! The crowd goes wild. TIO stands back for a moment, being a good sport. He allows Barnes the opportunity to get to her feet. She does. He shoves her into the corner and charges forward with a clothesline!! He steps back…she stumbles forward…he lifts her up and drops her with a backbreaker across the knee!! Josie yells out in pain, reaching for her back~
Smith: She was able to avoid the count out…but how much longer can she take this punishment? Her back has got to be in tremendous pain
Hood: WEAK ASS SPINE
Smith: I’d like to see you take a spinebuster off the steel ramp!
Hood: You are such a fucking sadist, you know that?
Smith: I…I am not!
~Josie rolls onto all fours, positioning her back in a way that feels somewhat less painful. TIO stands and hooks her around the waist. He lifts her up…it’s a deadlift…he lifts her up, over his head into a German Suplex!! He bridges for the pin! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!
Smith: Whoa! The Purple VIP barely kicked out of that one…what heart, what a fighter!
Hood: Oh please…get off her nuts
Smith: She doesn’t have testicles, Hood!
Hood: You sure about that?
Smith: YES
Hood: Somebody inform Lukas…inform Lukas that Smith has verified Josie’s gender – personally
~TIO returns to his feet. Josie remains on her back. TIO grabs her leg…he looks ready to apply a Sharpshooter~
Smith: This will do unspeakable damage to her back!
Hood: Then shut the fuck up and watch!
~Josie kicks at TIO’s injured ribs with her free leg. He winces. She kicks him again. He staggers. She kicks him a third time. He finally lets go. She gets to her feet and throws a side kick into his ribcage. He doubles over, gasping in pain. She grabs the back of his head and drops him with a Sitout Facebuster!!! The crowd leaps to their feet!! Josie goes for the pin~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!
Smith: That was Crimson’s finisher…the very move she used on him last week en route to victory!
Hood: She keeps stealing moves…what the fuck!
Smith: Technically it’s not theft when the guy is, well, whatever Crimson is these days
Hood: EXTRA CRISPY
~Barnes returns to her feet, focused. TIO is on all fours, trying to get to his feet to prevent another impactful move. He gets to his knees. Josie rushes forward and smacks him with a Shining Wizard!!! TIO falls over, onto his side…coming to rest on his back. Josie heads for the top rope~
Smith: Fighter’s End! If she hits this it’s over!!
Hood: Ya know what…maybe this will finally purge that family act out of TIO’s brain…get him back to acting like a fucking man
~Josie stands on the top buckle. She looks down at TIO, who is on his back. Jenna looks up from behind the corner, somewhat in awe. Barnes looks out to the crowd…a “VIP” chant fills the arena. A smile comes across her face. She bends her knees and leaps as high as she can…the crowd is stunned~
Smith: That isn’t Fighter’s End!
Hood: Sure as shit isn’t
Smith: She’s attempting to use TIO’s Shooting Star Press…oh my gosh, if she hits this, it’s over!
~Josie performs the move perfectly. She comes down and meets the knees of TIO!! The crowd groans due to the pain running through Josie’s body. She rolls around, kicking her feet. TIO sits up and stands. Barnes pulls herself up using the ropes. She turns to head after TIO. She is met with a kick to the gut! Barnes doubles over…TIO hooks her around the waist, lifts her up and positions her for This Damn Incredible! Barnes throws a sharp elbow into TIO’s ribs! He staggers…he wavers…he grimaces~
Smith: The ribs! She’s attacking his weakness
Hood: Fucker better hold on…he’s one move away from winning
Smith: I don’t know if he can…he’s in so much pain!
~TIO is unable to finish Barnes off with This Damn Incredible. Barnes is able to get her knees up, onto TIO’s face. She falls back and drops TIO with the Barnes Experience!! The crowd is stunned! Young Jenna looks on from the outside with her hands on top of her head, eyes wide. TIO is on his back, out. He’s staring at the lights with a far, far away look. Barnes covers him, hooking the leg~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings. The arena pops with a mixture of happiness and surprise~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….JOSIE BARNES!!!!!
Smith: She did it! Unbelievable! What an upset!
Hood: Are you fucking kidding me? I told you the family would fuck him over…son of a bitch!
~Barnes is overcome with emotion! She’s just scored the biggest win in her career! She gets to her feet, Scruff raises her hand high. The OCW Arena lets out a huge ovation followed up by a ‘VIP’ chant! We see Lukas slide into the ring. He’s still annoyed from earlier, but happy for Josie. He embraces her with a big hug as the two celebrate~
Smith: This might be the breakthrough win Josie needed…what a moment for The Purple VIP!
Hood: Ugh and now we’re going to get fucking lovey dovey shit…makes me wanna PUKE
~We see TIO rolling under the ropes, sitting atop the apron. His eyes are glassy. He’s emotional. He shakes his head, sweat dripping off his forehead, nose and chin. Jenna pats him on the leg, looking up at her father with pride in her eyes. TIO sees the pride in his daughter’s face and smiles. He hops off the apron and gives Jenna a huge hug~
Smith: So much going on in the head of The Incredible One right now…I don’t want to take anything away from Josie…that was a huge, main event level win…but if people only knew what is rumored to be happening in the TIO household
Hood: I don’t know and I don’t care
Smith: You are a heartless bastard
~TIO turns around. He makes eye contact with Josie. TIO smiles and gives Josie a congratulatory nod. Josie returns in kind. TIO claps and points toward Barnes, a show of respect from the former Champion. Jenna claps alongside, looking at Josie as though she’s become something of a heroine for her. They head up the ramp and exit through the curtain~
Smith: Two great wrestlers with respect for one another, this company and this business…it doesn’t get any better than this
Hood: OCW is so gay right now
~Lukas holds the ropes open for Josie. She steps through. He hops down onto the floor and helps Josie down. The two head up the ramp together, happy over the night’s events. They reach the top and turn around. Josie poses for the fans once more as another ‘VIP’ chant fires up. Then, arm in arm, Josie and Lukas exit. We focus on Hood and Smith~
Smith: A great moment…Josie looks to be in tremendous shape…she’s coming off back to back wins over Crimson and TIO…she’s got to be the favorite to win that Craze Title
Hood: Look, I don’t like her, okay? She fucking bothers me. But…I will say this…she seems to be getting better. There, ya happy?
Smith: In Hoodese that is a tremendous compliment. Congratulations, Josie Barnes…we are all proud of you.
~We see Marcus Welsh walking down the hallway with a coconut water in his hands, freshly snagged. He must be taking a break, getting out of his office for a moment. He looks somewhat relieved. The night is nearing it's end...he's probably about to hit the links for the rest of the week. He turns a corner and sees The Lockwoods standing outside of a door. Smiling, Welsh walks up to them. As he gets to them, we can see "Welsh" embroidered on the door~
Welsh: Gentlemen! Wonderful job last week. I think that dumbass, Zybala, got the message. If he didn't, weeellll...... I guess I'll be calling in your services again. But I have no need for you tonight, so if you can just move along, I need to get into my office.
~Welsh waits for them to move, but The Lockwoods stand still. Welsh looks confused~
Welsh: Look, I paid you last week, so if this is about money, I...
Tim: It's not about the money, sir.
Jack: You paid up as promised, and well, too.
Welsh: Then what the hell are you doing blocking my door?!
Jack: Zybala paid us this week.
~Welsh starts backing up with a terrified look on his face. We can see beads of sweat start to form on his forehead, despite the air conditioning in the hall~
Welsh: Wh..what do you mean "Zybala paid you?"
Tim: Relax, he didn't pay us to kick your ass. He's just having a meeting and said your office is much nicer than his, so he borrowed it and paid us to make sure he goes uninterrupted.
~Welsh's face goes from panicked fear to righteous anger in all about two seconds. He stomps towards the door and starts pounding and kicking on it, with the Lockwoods trying to restrain him~
Welsh: Zybala! You get the fuck out of my office right now you son of a bitch or there will be hell to pay!!!
~A few moments pass before the door slowly opens and Zybala pokes his head out~
Zybala: Marcus, I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but the a.c. in my office is on the fritz and your chair has much better lumbar support for my guest and...
Welsh: I don't care what scrub you have a meeting with! You two need to get the fuck out of my office right NOW!
Zybala: If you say so. We were about done any ways. (turns towards the office) I don't think there was anything else that was pressing, was there....MR. BUFFET???
~All the anger, and color, drains from Welsh's face. Zybala swings the door open fully and we see OCW owner Jimmy Buffett himself in Welsh's chair. Buffett stands up with a stack of papers tucked under his arm and walks towards the door~
Buffett: Nah man. I think we got everything done that we needed to. I'll have my lawyers look this stuff over and get back to you.
Zybala: You got my phone number and email address, right sir?
Buffett: Yup. It's all right here in the paperwork. If not, my secretary has it. (turns attention to Welsh) Markie, you need to relax, man. You may not see it, but Mikey here has some good ideas if you just take the time to sit and talk it out with him. By the way, he's announcing one of those ideas at Lost At Sea, and I want you in the ring supporting him when he does.
Welsh: Yes sir. May I ask what it's about?
Buffett: The next big show after Lost At Sea. It's gonna blow your mind. I'll catch you guys later.
~Jimmy Buffett then walks away as Welsh looks like he was told he was going to die. He looks at Zybala with horror~
Welsh: What did you do?!?!
Zybala: And ruin the surprise?? Where's the fun in that? All I'm gonna say is if the idea works, everyone in OCW will have a little more in their paychecks.
~Zybala gives the Lockwoods a thumbs up and the three of them walk away, leaving Welsh standing there with his face contorted with a mixture of rage and worry. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Buffett is in the house!
Hood: And talking with Zybala, of all people
Smith: He seems to have a soft spot for our commissioner…I wonder what they were referencing?
Hood: I hope we never find out
Smith: Well our GM certainly has a lot on his plate…Tommy Crimson is apparently gone, which has disrupted the #1 Contenders Match. The Oceanic Title is floating around, now. The Lost at Sea card is definitely in flux
Hood: WEAK ASS SUMMER BOOKING
Smith: Indeed…but, if there’s one thing our GM has shown, it’s the ability to adapt and move forward. I’m sure we’ll get news on these issues before too long…I mean, it’s not like there’s all that much time remaining.
Hood: Three fucking weeks, man
Smith: Sheesh
~The cameras cut to the back as Josie Barnes is entering her locker room. She was excited as she had just beat TIO. It’s not everyday she beats a former OCW Champion. It was an amazing feeling for her. She was smiling wide. She knew though she had to hurry up right now, so she could watch the POE match. She wasn’t going to be able to celebrate before it~
Josie: I can’t believe I did it. I was able to beat TIO. I almost need to be pinched to believe it.
~She looks around her room, as she sensed something seemed off, but shrugs her shoulders. She didn’t see anything that was off yet. She walks over to her bag~
Josie: I need to remember to tell TIO good job. It is only right, it was a good match, one of my best I think.
~She gets to her bag, but stops. She looks up at the clock on the wall, and notices the time, before looking down. She starts to open the bag~
Josie: Shit, I need to hurry up. I want to catch the main event. Need to see who else I will be facing. Still can’t believe Ed wanted me to watch it with him. That is just…
~She lets out a small growl. She looks in her bag, as she notices her stuff looked like it had been moved. She was confused a bit, but starts to go through her bag, trying to see if anything was missing. She stops when she sees a note. She pulls it out, as she goes to read it.~
Josie: Dearest Josie,
I hope you liked your gift last week, just a shame it got ruined by that idiot at the hot dog stand. No worries, more gifts will be coming for you soon enough. Be watching for them. Hopefully the next ones won’t get ruined by any idiots.
~Josie looks at the note, as it was simply signed with an X. She was confused, as she didn’t know who it was from, why someone was bothering her now. She shakes her head, balling the note up, tossing it into her bag. She grabs her clothes, just as her door opens up, and Trina walks in~
Trina: Hey you ready to watch Amelia’s match?
~Josie blinks, before shaking her head. She smiles~
Josie: Umm… yeah. Sorry, I was in a zone. I’m ready, let’s go.
~Trina notices, as she nods. She throws her clothes into her bag, turning, as the two girls exit the room. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: It appears as though Josie Barnes has an admirer
Hood: Well, we can weed out anyone who has actually MET The Purple VIP
Smith: THAT IS SO RUDE
Hood: I'm just saying!
Smith: Well she, like all of us...is ready for our main event...so, let's head down to ringside! This one should be...something!
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Main Event
Process of Elimination Match
Amelia Emery/Harold Jones/Tony the Spider vs. Iggy Hardy/Roach/Muffles the Bunny
~The crowd starts up an ‘IGGY’ chant. They know what’s coming and are fired up to see Mr. Pectacular return. Belvedere clears his throat…the crowd goes wild!~
Belvedere: It is now time for our Main Event of the evening! This is a Process of Elimination match with the winner advancing to Lost at Sea for a spot in the Triple Threat match to determine the Craze Champion. The rules of this match are simple…it starts as a six person tag team match. The winning team immediately goes into a triple threat. The winner of the triple threat wins the match! Introducing first!
~“Who’s Laughing Now” by Millencolin begins to play. The crowd gives a solid pop for the surprisingly rising star – Harold Jones. He steps out from behind the curtain and hustles down to the ring. He slides in under the bottom rope and ascends a nearby corner, looking out into the crowd~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from the Nearest Comedy Club, standing 5’8 and weighing in at 175lbs…Harold ‘The Headliner’ Jones!!!
~”Jump” by Van Halen hits! The crowd jumps to their feet! The sound of laughter fills the arena “HAHAHAHA!” Tony the Spider peeks his head out from behind the curtain with that signature grin. His mullet is FULL FORCE. He throws the curtain aside and struts forward, down the ramp. He almost looks like a chicken. He’s laughing most of the way. He climbs onto the apron and inside the ring~
Belvedere: Introducing next, form Emilio’s Garage…standing 5’6 and weighing in at 190lbs…Tony the Spider!!!
~The opening rift to "Wings of a Butterfly" blares over the sound system as Amelia Emery makes her way out onto the stage. She poses for the crowd before making her way down the ramp~
Belvedere: Now making her way to the ring, from London, England...Amelia Emery!
~Amelia slides into the ring and poses for the crowd. Once finished, she turns and eyes both Harold and Tony. She gives them a polite smile, but keeps her distance~
Smith: That is, well, an interesting collection
Hood: Can you believe TONY has the most rankings points of the three?
Smith: I wish I could say, with a straight face, that I cannot but…
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY
Belvedere: And, their opponents…
~”Bad Bunny” by Radioactive Chicken Heads begins to play. Muffles appears in the crowd, accompanied by the sound of guitar riffs and screeching. A bright orange baseball bat slung casually over his shoulder. He strolls down before he begins to walk along the top of the barricade. He hops down and makes his way to roll into the ring~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Bunnyman Bridge…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 236lbs…Muffles the Bunny!!!
~"King Nothing" by Metalilca hits. The crowd boos heavily. Roach storms through the curtain and marches down the ramp. Occasionally he glares at a fan and snarls, showing his disdain for the people in attendance. He hustles up the steps and enters into the ring, displaying little fanfare and pomp. The man is out here to do one thing – hurt people~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Windsor, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 265lbs…Roach!!!
~Eddie Van Halen's amazing fucking guitar rift controls the sound system, volume MAXED out as "Top of the World" by Van Halen plays, Iggy Hardy emerges from the darkness, hair and body soaked in water. His muscles ripple as he walks down the aisle, flexing his muscles and gyrating his hips to the Van Halen tune. He slaps a couple fans high five, he stops to the prettiest girl he finds and shoves his tongue down her throat. He saunters the rest of the way to the ring as he climbs the steps and enters the ring. He thrusts his hips at Belvedere, he then randomly does a handstand as he gears up for his match.~
Belvedere: And their partner…from Hawk’s Bluff, North Carolina…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 245lbs…he is a former Savage Champion…please welcome back…Iggy Hardy!!!
~The crowd gives a strong ovation for Iggy. Belvedere exits the ring~
Smith: Okay, I take it back…THAT is a unique group of individuals
Hood: Iggy, Roach and Muffles…greatest team EVER
Smith: Some strong personalities, for sure. They definitely have the size advantage in this one…but, will it be enough?
Hood: It better be
~The bell sounds~
Smith: It should be interesting to see who starts for these two teams
~Iggy hops out of the ring. Roach and Muffles observe the wild man head toward the announce table. On the other side of the ring we see Amelia, Harold and Tony talking…well, two are talking, one is laughing. Amelia explains a scenario to them…they both agree. Tony and Harold stand on the apron while Amelia remains in the ring, ready to compete~
Smith: Okay so Amelia Emery is going to start this match out for her team…but who will start for the team of Misfits
Hood: Flip a fucking coin
Smith: There are only two sides to a coin
Hood: Ah shit you’ve got me there
~Iggy grabs a CHAIR! He yanks it RIGHT out from under the nameless time keeper…which, I mean, why do we have a time keeper? Does that ever really come into play? I guess he rings the bell but, shouldn’t Belv do that to save costs? Eh, fuck it. Iggy takes the chair and heads for the ring. He leaps from the floor onto the apron, flat footed. He calmly steps through the ropes and tries to charge at Amelia with the chair. Muffles and Roach rush in front of Iggy, restrainging the wild man. He yells ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY YOU BITCH ASS BITCHES!’.~
Smith: It seems as though Iggy has forgotten the basic rules of wrestling during his – departure from society
Hood: That or he’s a fucking caveman
Smith: Come again?
Hood: You know…cavemen…when they see a woman they like they bash her over the head and drag her back to their cave
Smith: My goodness, let’s hope that isn’t the case!
~Iggy’s eyes start to bulge. The veins in his arms pop. He’s getting ‘INTENSE’. ‘GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY’ he screams with saliva flying everywhere. Muffles looks down at his orange bat. He takes a step back and swings, SMACKING Iggy in the head!! Iggy’s legs go limp. He collapses to the mat…the chair lands on his head as added insult. Roach kicks Iggy under the bottom rope…he rolls off the apron and to the floor. He turns to Muffles…Muffles nods…Roach kicks the chair out of the ring and steps through the ropes, allowing Muffles the opportunity to start the match~
Smith: And the bunny is the voice of reason on this team, apparently
Hood: Give Roach some credit…he kicked the chair out of the ring
Smith: Along with Iggy who will, undoubtedly, be angry when he wakes up
Hood: If he remembers…I’m not sure Iggy’s memory is all that comprehensive
~Sounds of guitar strings can be heard. The arena goes black as just a spotlight is spotting the main entrance where we can see Alice sitting on a chair with her guitar. Beside her are two pigeons in a cage. Roach in the ring, stares at her un-amused. ~
Smith: Hood! It's Alice!
Hood: Yes, I can fucking see that...I thought this match was getting started...what the hell...get her out of here!
Alice: Hi there, Roach. I know you saw my hooters a few weeks ago in the crowd watching you. Watching both of you. Yeah, i'm talking about you too, Hood. You Kentucky Fried Chicken eating mo'fo. It could have been simple, a truce. But no. You had to go get that idiot with the ugly make up job. Say, Roach. Who does your make up anyway, Stevie Wonder!???!
~Alice can't help to laugh.~
Smith: Ha, because he's blind, Hood. Get it?
Hood: I wish i was deaf right now. Please get this woman out of here. We got a match to start.
Alice: I thought I'd sing a song before we get this match underway. But this won't be like Woodstock, where everybody is on LSD and dope. Haha, or will it. Haha. You know like, Woodstock festival? Haha Jimi Hendrix, right? Joan Bias and Janis Joplin. Huh huh The Who. Cosby, Stills and Nash is that where it is. Uh, it, Santana haha Jefferson Airplane, ha-ha, CCR Credence Clearwater Revival. Uhhhh, Sly and the Family Stone... huh... Hah.
~Alice continues to ramble on about nothing as Roach steps off the apron and begins heading towards Alice.~
Alice: Oh you want to go now? Huh? Bring it on Sha Na Roach Nah!!!
Roach: You're dead...
~A few out of shape OCW crew members get in between them. Gruff, OCW's #2 Referee, holds Alice back.~
Alice: You're the one who is going to be dead! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS GOING TO BE DEAD, YOU PIECE OF SHIT MOTHER FUCKER!!! You and Hood! I'm going to wear your faces!! BLAAAHHHH!
~Roach looks at Alice smiling in a sick way as he walks back to the apron, hopping up, returning to his original place.~
Alice: Okay... I will leave... but i will leave with dignity and my own free will! I'M COMING FOR YOU ROACH! I'LL BE BACK!
~She then struggles as the crew members drag her back stage as she kicks and screams. At one point kicking the pigeons cage down, presumably crushing them to death in the cage.~
Smith: Well that was something...but I have to say, I loved it!
Hood: Of course you did...here we are, ready for this epic match and Alice has to come out and act like a MORON...not to mentioned she threatened me. I'd go straight to HR if I thought it'd do any good
Smith: You started all this, Hood. Alas...she is gone...but she did threaten to return
Hood: Hopefully she sniffs a bunch of glue backstage and forgets that threat
Smith: She's off the glue, okay
~With order restored, Muffles faces the center of the ring, ready for action. It seems as though…for a bunny, a coke head and a man named after a roach, they have finally got their shit together. Amelia sprints across the ring…she leaps into the air. Muffles is still carrying his orange bat. He lifts the bat up, in self-defense. Amelia places her knees into the bunny’s face and drops him with a Codebreaker!! The bat smashes into the bunny’s head!! He collapses and drops the bat…it rolls off the apron, to the outside! The crowd leaps to their feet. Amelia goes for the pin~
Smith: Hood! This could be over!
Hood: Are you fucking kidding me?!
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP
Smith: Muffles BARELY escaped a shocking pinfall…my goodness!
Hood: And that is why you don’t knock out the coke head…when he’s on your team
Smith: Or, maybe you shouldn’t carry weapons to the ring
~Amelia is back to her feet. She doesn’t let the near fall keep her down. She backs into a corner, stalking Muffles. The bunny rolls onto all fours, shaking his bunny head…his ears flap around. He gets to one knee. Amelia charges forward…she leaps into the air, wraps her legs around the bunny’s head and performs a hurricanrana which slams the head of Muffles right into the canvas!! It hits with a loud THUD! The bunny is face down, ass up. The crowd gets a light “AMELIA” chant going~
Smith: We haven’t seen much from Amelia…but, what little we’ve seen has been impressive
Hood: No shit…I’d say she’s got more fire than Lukas
Smith: What? And why would you say that…just to create friction between the two?
Hood: Whoa…I’m not into any sort of sibling friction, bro
Smith: That’s not what I meant
~Amelia pops back to her feet and heads toward her corner. Harold looks ready to enter. She’s about to tag him with she gets slapped on the arm by TONY THE SPIDER. Tony laughs and laughs while stepping into the ring. Amelia has no choice but to exit~
Smith: Tony the Spider taking matters into his own hands
Hood: Do spiders hate bunnies?
Smith: I couldn’t tell you
Hood: Or is it the other way around?
Smith: Like I said, I don’t know
Hood: When the fuck did Massacre become Nat Geo Wild?
~Tony struts towards Muffles. A “TONY” chant breaks out. Tony stops, standing over Muffles and he rubs his bright yellow FANNY PACK. He begins to unzip it. Scruff walks over and grabs Tony, preventing him from going any further~
Smith: Thank you, Scruff. We don’t need to see what’s in there
Hood: Could be some carrots for Muffles
Smith: Yea, I doubt that very much
Hood: Always thinking the worst about Tony
~Tony throws his hands up and laughs while Scruff removes the FANNY PACK. Scruff tosses it out of the ring. Muffles is regaining his footing. Tony laughs and walks toward Muffles…The bunny throws a furry elbow into Tony’s wiggly gut. Tony staggers…Muffles grabs Tony by the arm and whips him into the ropes. Tony bounces off…Muffles lifts his leg for a bit boot but Tony ducks! Tony laughs as he runs by and hits the ropes again…he bounces off and jumps into the air with something between a spear/shoulder tackle/crossbody. Whatever it is, it jolts Muffles enough to send the Bunny back peddling into a corner. Unfortunately, it’s his team’s corner. Roach tags in~
Smith: Tony with some offense…unfortunately it led to a tag. Not exactly great ring awareness displayed by Mr. The Spider
Hood: Well what do you expect…he’s too busy laughing to take notice of what’s going on
Smith: I think laughter is how he expresses himself, Hood
Hood: Yea well he’s fucking stupid, then
~Smith has no counterpoint. Roach steps into the ring and YELLS at Tony. Tony laughs in response. Roach steps toward Tony. Tony continues to laugh, but backpedals. Roach reaches out, snaring the weak, flabby neck of Tony the Spider. Tony tries to laugh but chokes due to a lack of air. Roach lifts Tony up and glares into his eyes. Tony’s legs kick back and forth…Roach tosses Tony halfway across the ring. Tony lands on his ass, hard. Roach continues to stalk the fallen spider~
Smith: I don’t think Tony has any chance at competing against Roach. This is about as big a mismatch as one could imagine.
Hood: It’s the fanny pack…he’s lost the source of his power!
Smith: If you say so
Hood: I do…that thing is yellow and bold and full of magic and wonder!
~Roach stands over Tony. He reaches down and grabs Tony by his sweet, sweet mullet. He repositions his hands, gripping Tony’s ears. He lifts Tony off the mat and into the air by his ears. Tony lets out a painful laugh! The crowd boos! Roach smiles, glaring at Tony. Tony kicks his feet and manages to get a right foot into the groin of Roach!! Roach drops Tony! He stumbles into a corner, doubling over, feeling the pain. The crowd gets a “TONY! TONY!” chant going~
Smith: I guess size doesn’t matter when you hit a man between the legs
Hood: Dick move on Tony’s part
Smith: He’s trying to survive in there, Hood
Hood: Just because he lost his most prized possession doesn’t mean he needs to try and deprive Roach of his!
~Tony gets to his feet and he runs, laughing toward Roach. He unleashes a flurry of punches into Roach’s gut. They don’t seem to be doing too much damage~
Smith: I think he calls those spider bites
Hood: Giving spider bites a bad name
~Tony suddenly realizes that his punches are doing zero damage to Roach. In fact, they are merely allowing Roach time to recover. So, Tony turns around and takes off, strut-running his way to his corner. He tags in Harold! Harold shakes his head as if to say ‘Well, that figures’ and he enters to find a recovered Roach approaching~
Smith: In an act of self-preservation, Tony sprints toward his corner and tags in The Headliner
Hood: So much for those fucking spider bites
Smith: Might be back to the drawing board for Tony
~Harold sprints toward Roach…Roach throws a lariat, Harold ducks and hits the ropes. Roach turns around and is nailed with a dropkick!! Roach stumbles into the ropes. Harold gets back to his feet and charges forward with a clothesline. Roach, however, extends his right arm and snares Harold by the throat. He lifts Harold up for a chokeslam, but Harold is able to jam a thumb into Roach’s eye! Roach drops Harold, who lands on his feet. Harold steps back and then thrusts forward with a Superkick!! Roach falls through the ropes, landing on the apron~
Smith: Nice sequence there…amazing how when Tony the Spider exits the ring we get some legitimate wrestling
Hood: What are you trying to say?
Smith: I’m trying to say that I might be in favor of Outsiders reopening…as long as it means Tony and Uber will go away
Hood: And, yet, you say a prayer every Sunday night that Alice Knight will be returning on the next Massacre
~Harold turns, surprisingly, and sprints toward Muffles, who is on the apron, in his team’s corner. He smacks the bunny with an enziguri! Muffles falls off the apron, landing roughly on the outside. He returns to his feet and sprints toward Roach, who is standing on the apron. Roach suddenly displays tremendous athleticism by leaping over the top rope and drilling Harold with a flying shoulder! Harold SLAMS into the mat, grasping his shoulder in pain. Roach returns to his feet, looking down at Harold with glee. He backs into his team’s corner, leaning against the buckles, recovering~
Smith: Roach looking good…his size and athleticism...accompanied by his attitude makes for a dangerous repertoire
Hood: He’s my pick…he’s gonna win this
Smith: Over your boy Iggy?
Hood: As far as I know Iggy is dead
~Out of nowhere, as if on cue, Iggy LEAPS onto the apron from the floor. He slaps Roach in the back of the head. Roach turns around, pissed. Iggy leaps into the ring over the top rope and starts to storm around the ring, getting INTENSE. The crowd leaps to their feet with “IGGY” chants. Roach steps out of the ring, standing on the apron, keeping a menacing glare placed upon Hardy~
Smith: And there he is!
Hood: Can I change my pick?
Smith: Nope, you turned on Iggy
Hood: That’s fine…c’mon Roach!
~Harold gets to his feet, center of the ring. He bends over, wincing in pain, holding his shoulder. Iggy looks at Harold and yells “FUCKING COMEDIAN DOUCHE!” He springs at Harold, leaps into the air, grabs Harold, flips him over and drops him with the Purifier (Canadian Destroyer)!!! The crowd goes wild!! Iggy holds on for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings. Amelia looks disgusted. She hops off the apron and leaves ringside. Tony laughs and searches around for his fanny pack. He finds it, reapplies the pack and leaves. Harold rolls out of the ring, in pain. Iggy kips up to his feet and yells as loud as he can~
Belvedere: The winners of the first portion of the match….IGGY HARDY, MUFFLES THE BUNNY, AND ROACH!!!!!
Smith: And the strangest team in OCW history will advance to the final stage
Hood: Well, one step closer to my prediction coming true
Smith: Yea, I guess that’s good news…but the bad news is that Iggy is FULLY INTENSE
Hood: Yes…yes he is
Belvedere: And now the triple threat portion will begin. The first competitor to win this match via pinfall or submission will be named the winner and will go on to Lost at Sea to compete for the Craze Championship!
~The bell rings. Roach enters the ring. Iggy is fully intense. The two stare each other down before sprinting toward one another. They exchange rights and lefts with the fans jumping up and down out of their seats~
Smith: Two of OCW’s toughest, nastiest competitors engaging in a fist fight!
Hood: Normally I’d commend Roach but, man, he’s fighting a guy with a blood stream comprised of like eighty percent narcotics
Smith: You don’t think Iggy found sobriety while locked up?
Hood: You fucking kidding me? LOOK AT HIM
~Iggy starts to get the better of Roach. Roach staggers back, toward a corner. Iggy delivers a huge right hand! Roach falls into the corner. Iggy charges forward. Roach moves! Iggy slams front first into the corner, Roach hooks him from behind and looks to deliver a Dragon Suplex! He hoists Iggy up and tosses him over his head…but Iggy lands on his feet!! Iggy thrusts forward with a Superkick into the back of Roach’s head!! Roach falls forward, landing face first onto the middle buckle~
Smith: One Hit Wonder! This could be over!
Hood: I KNEW I should have picked Iggy
Smith: We really should begin drug testing people
~Iggy springs forward and performs a modified Bronco Buster, onto Roach’s back. He seems to be enjoying the hip thrusting. From behind we spot MUFFLES sliding back into the ring. Iggy senses it as well…he stops thrusting his pelvis into the back of Roach’s head and stands, spinning around. He looks at Muffles and yells “I FUCKING HATE EASTER!” He sprints forward with a lariat…Muffles ducks! Iggy hits the ropes and bounces off…he eats a BUNNY KICK into the gut! He falls through the ropes, onto the apron~
Smith: Muffles is back in the match! He took that vicious kick from Harold earlier and we hadn’t seen him since
Hood: Probably resting…waiting for the right moment. Rabbits are lazy, you know
Smith: I’ve never heard that before
Hood: You don’t remember the fucking hare just lounging around, napping like a bitch while the fucking turtle beat him? Yea man, rabbits are lazy
~Muffles goes after Iggy. Iggy stands on the apron and drives a shoulder into the bunny’s gut! Muffles doubles over. Iggy looks around…the fans stand on their feet…there is a sense of “NO FUCKING WAY” about their reaction. Iggy LEAPS over the top rope looking to hit the Purifier on Muffles! He flips Muffles over in the air but the bunny manages to land on his feet! He has wrist control! The crowd is like “OHHH SHIT” Muffles yanks Iggy forward and drills him with IL TAV ID!!!~
Smith: What a reversal! Muffles might win this!
Hood: NOT THE FUCKING BUNNY
Smith: Yes, the bunny!
~Iggy YELLS at Muffles. His saliva flies everywhere. Muffles DRILLS him with IL TAV ID for a second time! Iggy goes limp for a moment…before fighting back to life, yelling again. He yells “FUCK YOUR MOTHER!” at Muffles. Muffles delivers a third IL TAV ID – the most vicious one yet. Iggy finally collapses to the mat~
Smith: This one is over!
Hood: Son of a bitch…I don’t think Iggy can survive three of those
Smith: Me neither
~Muffles drops to his knees, ready to pin Iggy. His ears are suddenly pulled back by Roach! He’s yanked to his feet. Roach hooks Muffles and drops him with an inverted DDT!! The bunny is down! Roach gets to his feet. He looks down at Iggy…he smiles, the win is right in front of him~
Smith: Roach is going to steal this one! I can’t believe it!
Hood: Well, I mean, he is a fucking Roach
Smith: Ugh…vile!
~The crowd suddenly explodes! Roach pauses, confused~
Smith: HOOD LOOK!
Hood: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
Smith: It’s…OWLIE THE OWL!
~Owlie the Owl is, in fact, standing in the ring behind Roach. Roach turns around, spots the Owl and snarls. He charges at the owl, but Owlie moves out of the way! Roach hits the ropes, front first and stumbles backwards…Owlie leaps up and kicks Roach in the back of the head! Owlie starts to strut around, hooting. The crowd responds with ‘HOOT! HOOT! HOOT!”~
Smith: What is going on? Who is under that costume?
Hood: Spiders, Roaches, Bunnies…and OWLS…what the fuck, man
Smith: You won’t hear me argue about the Owl!
Hood: No fucking surprise there
~Roach turns around, dazed. Owlie kicks him in the gut, applies a double underhook and drops him with a rolling suplex!!! The crowd goes wild! They recognize the move~
Smith: It’s THE APACHE
Hood: Ahhh shit…fuck me
~Owlie removes his head to reveal – ALICE KNIGHT!! The crowd burst into a loud chant of “OWL IS NIGHT! OWL IS NIGHT!” Alice smiles. She waves at the camera~
Smith: Take that, Roach! In your face, Hood!
Hood: She’s ruining this match...AGAIN! How did she change into that so fast!
Smith: Well, she did travel from Japan to Massacre in ONE night...she's amazing
Hood: No, she's AWFUL
Smith: She’s simply seeking revenge! You go, Alice!
~Alice smiles into the camera, looking very happy. That is, until Iggy kips up to his feet. She sees the very coked up, very angry felon and hurries out of the ring, with the owl head in her possession. She hops the barricade and flaps her arms, hooting through the crowd. The fans pat her on the back and cheer her own. Iggy watches Alice exit the scene and says “WHAT A FUCKING WEIRDO”~
Smith: Payback! Sweet revenge! Alice is back and she’s going to continue to make Roach pay
Hood: Whatever…Roach now has the opportunity to finish the job. GoodKnight Alice!
Smith: We will see about that…in the meantime, we have a match to finish!
Hood: Fuck yea we do
~Iggy turns around to find the giant bunny standing behind him! Muffles grabs Iggy by the arm and goes for IL TAV ID! But Iggy dodges the knee! He stumbles behind Muffles…the bunny turns around…Iggy throws his SUPERKICK! The bunny dodges the kick, grabs Iggy’s arm and SMACKS him with IL TAV ID! It’s the fourth one! Iggy stumbles and staggers, falling through the ropes, landing on the outside where he appears to be unconscious. Muffles is left, standing in the ring with a confused, dazed Roach reaching his feet. The crowd starts to get behind the bunny~
Smith: It’s Muffles’ for the taking! This could be the moment we’ve all been waiting for!
Hood: The fucking bunny is finally going to win a match? HOLY SHIT
Smith: Not just a match...an important match with major implications!
~Roach reaches his feet…but he’s clearly out of it. Muffles grabs him by the arm, yanks him forward and DRILLS him with IL TAV ID!! Roach falls to the mat. Muffles goes for the pin…Scruff slides in with the crowd counting along~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings! The crowd releases a huge pop~
Belvedere: Here is your winner of the Process of Elimination Match…and the competitor who will go on to compete for the Craze Championship at Lost at Sea….MUFFLES THE BUNNY!!!!!
Smith: He did it! Muffles did it!
Hood: I seriously thought Roach or Iggy were going to win this
Smith: I think most people thought that, Hood. But, tonight…tonight was the night for Muffles…perhaps this was his breakthrough moment…perhaps now we will see Muffles reach his true potential
Hood: Man, I don’t know…all I know is I just saw a bunny, an owl, a roach, a lame comedian, a spider, and a recently pardoned felon hopped up on drugs compete in a Massacre main event. WHAT A NIGHT
Smith: Indeed….and now Josie Barnes and the Craze Champion Ed Houston will have to figure out the puzzle that is Muffles the Bunny.
Hood: 2018 just gets weirder and weirder...man oh man
Smith: Indeed...well everybody...we hope you've had a great time. For Hood, I'm Smith saying so long and we'll see ya next week!
~We cut backstage where a visibly disheveled Welsh is watching Muffles celebrate in the ring. He throws a pen across the office. It slams into a wall~
Marcus Welsh: Great…just fucking great! The damn Easter Bunny is heading to Lost at Sea. What happens if he falls into the ocean? How is he going to float in that costume? This is so ridiculous…no doubt Zybala is backstage cheering this result!
~Welsh continues to stew. He looks at the contracts in front of him. There are talent contracts, match contracts – all types of binding contracts. An idea hits~
Marcus Welsh: It’s about time we get serious around here. Alice Knight thinks she can just run around like an owl…singing songs and talking gibberish without any discipline? No way. She’s facing Roach next week in a Falls Count Anywhere, no disqualification match!
~Welsh starts to sign the match into law but realizes his pen is gone. He snaps his finger and points in the direction he threw the pen~
Marcus Welsh: Knux! My pen, please!
~Knux retrieves the pen. Welsh begins signing that match into law – making it official. While doing so, a fax comes in. Knux hands it over~
Marcus Welsh: Who is this from…oh my gosh, it’s from that fucking wacky ass Zybala. Look at it…it’s hand written…guy doesn’t even use a fucking computer. He writes this shit out like he’s in elementary school. His hand writing sucks, too.
~Welsh continues reading…his face reddens with each word~
Marcus Welsh: I, commissioner Zybala, hereby announce that Matt Meyhu will be defending his OCW Title against Tony the Spider at next week’s Massacre…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
~Welsh takes the faxed document and rips it up~
Marcus Welsh: That shit is NOT happening. Fuck that guy. Tony the Spider shouldn’t be in the same ROOM as the champ, let alone the OCW Title. I am officially DECLINING that insane notion. But…I do have an idea for Lost at Sea. This commissioner wants to be so heavily involved…how about we sanction a match for Mr. Zybala at Lost at Sea?
~Knux smiles~
Marcus Welsh: Yep…here we go…Mike Zybala will compete against…Bob Grenier!
~We hear the crowd inside the OCW Arena pop~
Marcus Welsh: He thinks he can use the Lockwoods against me. We’ll see where their loyalties lie when their buddy Bob is facing Mr. Goofball himself.
~Welsh signs the document, making the match official~
Marcus Welsh: Take that Zybalawala. Why is this so hard, Knux? Why must my job be so difficult?
~Knux hands Welsh his coconut water and points toward his tee time the following morning~
Marcus Welsh: Thanks, Knux. It’ll be nice to be away from all of this bullshit for a week. I’m way too stressed out. Time to get the fuck out of the OCW Arena.
~And with that, we fade out~