OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, July 2nd 2018
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
~Fireworks are going off outside your window. You’re staring at a flyer you received specifically stating NO FIREWORKS. However, the people living around you didn’t seem to receive the flyer. That, or they are no good small time criminals with little-to-no respect when it comes to THE LAW. Whatever. You head toward the fridge and pull back the door. There’s a six back of PABST BLUE RIBBON…it’s got that Red, White, and Blue appeal. But, it’s Monday. Fourth of July isn’t until Wednesday. You still have to work tomorrow – fucking hell. You reach for a NAKED juice, feeling like a fucking pansy. Your television plays a few rooms away, adding some background ambiance. It goes quiet. You look at your watch…it’s that time. Some extremely patriotic music begins to filter out from the speakers, consuming the house with PATRIOTISM. Your chest puffs out. Your chin enlarges. You dick becomes erect. YOU’RE A FUCKING AMERICAN. You put the damn Naked Juice back and you grab a stout, 16oz can of Pabst Blue Ribbon!! You crack that son of a bitch open and gulp down a third of the liquid. You march toward the TV room to find a graphic that says “HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY FROM OCW!” You haven’t been this proud of your country since you went to the theaters to watch The Expendables. You sit down, place your beer in a cup holder build into the arm of your AMERICAN couch. You lean back, scratch your crotch and crank up the volume…IT’S MONDAY NIGHT MASSACRE TIME! We cut to a sold out OCW Arena…the fans are going wild. Tiny American flags wave throughout. A “USA” chant greets us this week~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre! I’m your host Smith and alongside me, as always…is Hood!
Hood: FUCKING AMERICA…gotta love it
Smith: Yes, we are two days away from Independence Day so I’m sure we’ll be feeling the 4th of July spirit this evening…I know I have my star spangled boxers on
Hood: WHOA…too much information, pal
Smith: Just saying…we at OCW hope you are all having a safe and enjoyable time during this festive holiday week and we thank you for joining us tonight
Hood: Meh, I don’t thank them ALL for joining us…depends on who they are pulling for. And, if Alice Knight is watching…I hope you die, bitch
Smith: Well it is America so freedom of speech and all that but I must say…I am horribly offended by that statement.
Hood: Yea and as pussy as that sounds…I guess that’s your stupid ass American right as well
Smith: Ahh…one announcer feeling offended…the other doing horribly offensive things…the perfect dichotomy which defines America…could we BE more patriotic, my friend?
Hood: We could have beers, beef and boobs
Smith: That is true…but, instead, we’ve got wrestling! But first, folks...we need to show you something that took place earlier today...a sort of one-ups-man-ship between two of OCW's best
~Out in the parking lot, the sun is shining and the children are laughing. It’s Fan Appreciation Day! Booths and games are set up for the fans to have fun and meet some of their OCW favorites. “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas walks through the crowd with a look of disgust on his face. He bumps shoulders with everyone in his path hurling obscenities to everyone within two feet away, leaving a trail of people glaring at him from behind.~
Chad Vargas: Out of my way, ass jockeys!
~Before he can turn around and confront one fan mouthing off to him, he hears a familiar voice. He looks across the crowded parking lot at the OCW Champion, Matt Meyhu. Meyhu is throwing a fit over at the Rebel Tattoo Booth~
Matt Meyhu: What do you mean there is no ‘Marvel’ tattoo?! Do you know who I am! I’m the OCW Champion!
Worker: These are Melinda Rhodes themed! We asked if you wanted a booth about you and you laughed. You don’t even have a tattoo…
~Meyhu stares the worker down for a moment before flipping the table over. He scatters fake tattoos all over the pavement, and the fans who were waiting in line begin to heckle him. He shakes his head once more at the worker~
Matt Meyhu: And now I never will!
~Meyhu turns and stomps away from the fallen booth. He catches a glimpse of Vargas and stops in his tracks. The two men lock eyes through the crowd~
Chad Vargas: Weak ass sabotage!
~Two more employees slowly walk between the two, blocking their view of each other, holding a large purple sign that reads “VIP”. Vargas doesn’t even hesitate as he kicks a hole straight through it. The employees scurry away, leaving Vargas to stare Meyhu down.~
Matt Meyhu: Oh yeah?
~Meyhu looks around for his next target. He smirks as he heads over to the Pin the Tail on Checkers game. He rips a fake tail from a dizzy child’s hand and walks over to the poster of the popular monkey. He pins the tail right on Checker’s crotch. Parents in the area gasp and cover their kid’s eyes. Matt rolls his eyes~
Matt Meyhu: Oh come on! We should all be so lucky. Checkers is packing! Your move, Chad.
~Vargas nods at Meyhu before scanning the area further. He walks up to the Rocketman Bounce House and points at it. Meyhu’s eyes grow and he shakes his head. His plea falls on deaf ears, as Vargas stabs a hole through it! Air rushes out of the bouncy shuttle, and the children inside follow suit, screaming. Not to be outdone, Meyhu eyes a rack of Tommy Crimson flesh jackets. These things are selling like hot cakes, $50 bucks a pop! Is it real flesh? We’ll never know for sure, but… Ed Gein ain’t got shit on Tommy Crimson! Regardless of any of that, Meyhu doesn’t think twice as he lunges for the rack of jackets. He picks them up over his head and throws the entire rack through a glass window out into the street. Cars veer to avoid the lump of flesh jackets in the middle of the roadway. Meyhu smirks, admiring his handy work. Vargas is annoyed. That one was pretty good. The jacket salesman rushes to fetch his apparel from the street. Before he gets too far, Vargas catches him by the windpipe and slams him to the ground. The way he lands with such horror, looks like his back is broken in several places. Vargas smirks himself as he looks down at the vendor. Meyhu scoffs. He walks over to the same vender laying on the floor in agony and stomps on his chest. The vender screams in pain. Vargas takes a deep breath. He grabs the SAME vendor by the throat, picks him up off the ground and lays him back down with THE STROKE! ~
Smith: This poor man!
Hood: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
~Vargas ‘tips his hat’ at Meyhu. As this innocent Tommy Crimson flesh jacket salesman lays in agony. Meyhu nods. Paying respect when it’s due. He raises his index finger as if to say, ‘Check this out’. He picks up the limp salesman, picks him up over his head and SMASHES him with the EGO TRIP!!! The man falls to the ground like a rag doll. He may or may not be dead at this point. Meyhu smirks, as he and Vargas stare one another down. The OCW fan appreciation day has absolutely been destroyed by the champ and the #1 contender…We cut back to the live feed~
Smith: So much for doing something nice for the fans
Hood: Hey…that beat the shit out of a bunch of overpriced games for lame ass prizes
Smith: Those two are going to tear this place down while anxiously awaiting their penultimate encounter
Hood: Okay, I think you’re being dramatic again. This feud is going to kick all kinds of ass…I mean just look at what we saw…an Ego Trip and a Stroke! The two best finishers in OCW!
Smith: They are highly effective finishers which have won many, many championships for both men…it’d be hard to imagine them competing, effectively without the moves
Hood: It would be fucking stupid
Smith: Possibly…well…it’s Fourth of July week and, per American tradition, we’ve overstuffed tonight’s in ring lineup…so let’s get down to the ring for our opening contest!
Opening Match
Harold ‘The Headliner’ Jones (1.3 pts) vs. Muffles the Bunny (-4.7 pts)
Belvedere: The opening match this evening is a singles match, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
~The crowd buzzes, looking toward the entrance ramp. ”Bad Bunny” by Radioactive Chicken Heads begins to play. Muffles appears in the crowd, accompanied by the sound of guitar riffs and screeching. His signature bright orange baseball bat is slung casually over his shoulder. He strolls down before he begins to walk along the top of the barricade. He hops down and makes his way to roll into the ring. A fairly strong ‘MUFFLES’ chant fills the arena~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Bunnyman Bridge, standing 6’3 and weighing in at 236lbs…he is Muffles the Bunny!!!
~The ‘MUFFLES’ chant increases. Muffles raises his orange bat into the air…the crowd goes wild. He points the bat directly at the top of the ramp~
Smith: And a rather strong following for Muffles.
Hood: I guess we have a lot of furries in attendance.
Smith: Hating on women wasn't enough? Now you gotta hate on furries?
Hood: What? Who said anything about hating? I just made an observation. I don't care how people get freaky.
~Who’s Laughing Now” by Millencolin begins to play. The fans stand and cheer as Harold Jones emerges from behind the curtain. He hustles down the ramp and slides into the ring. He finds the nearest corner and cracks a nerdy smile to the fans. A few of them find it endearing~
Belvedere: From The Nearest Comedy Club…standing 5’8 and weighing in at 175lbs…Harold ‘The Headliner’ Jones!!!
~Harold hops off the buckle and stands in his corner looking at Muffles. Harold stares for a bit then walks towards his opponent with a hand extended. Scruff looks confused about what to do. Muffles looks at the hand, not sure what to do himself. Harold just stands there, smile on his face and hand extended. Muffles just looks at the hand, but by the way he's standing, it's clear he's agitated.
Muffles: Do you think I'm a joke? That I shouldn't be taken seriously?
~Sensing that he may have insulted his opponent, Harold retracts his hand, let's it drop to his side and tries to defuse the situation with a joke.~
Harold: What is a rabbit's favorite restaurant?
~ Muffles ponders for a bit before shrugging. The crowd is hushed with anticipation.~
Harold: I-HOP!
~Harold starts laughing at his joke while most of the audience groans. Not the comedian's best work. We see Muffles shake his head before he starts hitting Harold with a barrage of rabbit punches, catching him off-guard.~
Hood: I'm starting to like this Muffles. There were a few times I wish that I could have punched a comedian.
Smith: Why? Because you don't like people who bring joy into the world?
Hood: No, because they always comment about the number of beer bottles I have on my table when I go to a show.
~Muffles is still firing away at Jones, who is doing the best he can to cover up and guard himself. Scruff gets in between the two and make Muffles back away. He holds his paws up has if to say OK, but then goes on the attack again with a flurry of punches and kicks. With Harold sagging against the turnbuckles, Muffles turns he's back to Jones and delivers a hard Bunny Kick! The fans are cheering at this display of ruthless behavior and start chanting. ~
Fans: MUFFLES' GONNA KILL YOU! MUFFLES' GONNA KILL YOU!
Smith: After a few very close matches where he barely lost, Muffles seems like he doesn't want to let victory slip from his grasp this time.
Hood: Well, that's fucking obvious. Who wants to lose? You find me someone who is o.k. with losing all the time in this business and I'll show you someone who goes full retard. And, to loosely quote "Tropic Thunder" you never go full retard.
Smith: And there goes any chance of being partners with the Special Olympics.
Hood: Why? What does going full retard have to do with those inspirational athletes?
Smith: It's common knowledge that "that word" is a horrible term for people with disabilities.
Hood: Woah! And you call me the ignorant one? I would never use such an outdated, disgusting word to describe those amazing men and women. Glad to see how YOU view them though.
~Harold slowly gets to his feet and Muffles charges in with a big clothesline, but Harold ducks at the last second. Muffles crashes hard into the corner. Harold looks at Muffles and tries to talk to him again about teaming up and making a tag team, but The Bunny pie faces The Headliner and pushes him back. Harold gets upset at this and lunges forward and starts hitting Muffles with random kicks and punches and forearms, basically hitting the Bunny with any body part he can. Muffles stumbles forward and Harold grabs him and drops him with a Flatliner! Muffles is down and Harold sees this as his moment! He's feeling it! Harold climbs the turnbuckles and stands at the top, lining up his opponent.~
Smith: After a vicious Rim Shot, The Headliner is looking to finish this off with The Last Laugh.
Hood: What match are you watching? I didn't see any rim job.
Smith: Rim SHOT! Not job.
Hood: Rim Shot, Rim Job. Tomato, Tomhooker.
Smith:..........:sigh:
~Harold leaps of the corner and drives his feet down into.... The mat! Muffles rolls out of the way at the last second and Harold stomps the mat hard. He falls back into the ropes and grabs his ankle, maybe a brief flare of pain, maybe he sprained it. We don't have time to find out as Muffles quick runs over and drives his knee into Harold's stomach. Harold doubles over and Muffles hooks him around the head and lifts him up, then drops him with a suplex. With Harold down on the mat, Muffles starts to relentlessly stomp and kick The Headliner. Scruff starts a five count and Muffles let's him get to four before he stops his kicks. Muffles then mounts on top of Harold and starts hitting him with punches and elbows as Scruff tries another count, all the while "Muffles' gonna kill you" starts going through the crowd again.~
Smith: This isn’t looking good for Harold
Hood: Nothing looks good for Harold…the only noise he hears while doing standup is the vacuum being run by the cleaning crew
Smith: Well, at least that’s something
Hood: And the only reason they vacuum during his set is so it’ll drown out his jokes
Smith: Oh
~Muffles finishes pounding on Harold and gets to his feet…he’s got wrist control on Harold…he yanks Harold forward looking for IL TAV ID!! Harold ducks!! Muffles turns around and eats a superkick!! He goes down!! The crowd is stunned! Harold looks around before heading to the nearest corner…he ascends it quickly~
Smith: Harold just hit Rim Shot which is usually a prelude to The Last Laugh
Hood: What the fuck is up with Muffles
Smith: He just missed a move, that’s all…it’s not over yet
Hood: I’m not so sure about that
~Harold reaches the top and he leaps off driving both his feet into the Bunny’s chest with a double foot stomp!!! The crowd pops!! Harold quickly goes for the pin…Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….HAROLD ‘THE HEADLINER’ JONES!!!!!
Smith: Another shocking loss for Muffles
Hood: What’s with the fucking bunny, man
Smith: He appears to be in a funk. A month ago it looked as though Muffles was ready for a run to the top of OCW…now…well he’s about as low as it gets
Hood: I didn’t see him losing to Josie and I damn sure didn’t see him losing to Harold…strange things are afoot at the Circle K, Smith
Smith: Muffles definitely needs to regain his focus. He’s got all the talent in the world…just needs to harness it in one direction
Hood: I guess
Smith: On the flip side…a huge win for Harold! He’s starting to emerge as, well, a viable competitor
Hood: Don’t make me sick!
Smith: I’m simply stating facts, Hood. Anyway...let's head backstage as the night rolls on!
~The cameras cut to the back in Josie Barnes locker room. She was sitting with her eyes closed, getting herself ready for her next match. The match wasn't the only thing on her mind, as she also had the title match at Lost at Sea on her mind as well. She slowly opens her eyes as she smiles~
Josie: This match coming out, in a way it ends things between Crimson, and myself. They do say things end, which is all good. I aim to end this like I did with CJ, by beating Crimson. I know I need to do this, I need to be 2-0 against him. I can't let him beat me. I know he will do everything he can, he will target my leg. He can all he wants, I won't let it hold me back. My leg is healed. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be booked.
~She pauses for a few minutes while thinking again. Her smile changed to a smirk~
Josie: Sometimes things happen for a reason. I believe this match is happening so I can send Crimson off the right way and give me a big boost moving forward. Maybe even the boost I need to go on and beat Ed Houston, and take the Crazed Title from him. I am sure people will say don't get too ahead of myself, but you know what, sometimes you need to look towards the future. That is exactly what I am doing. I am looking towards the future, preparing myself for the future. Making sure I am ready to win that title. Before she could say anything else, the door to her locker room opens up. Lukas Emery walks in. Josie looks at him as she smiles~
Lukas: You ready for your match?
~Josie nods her head yes~
Josie: Yeah I am. More ready than ever.
Lukas: It's coming up soon, should get going.
Josie: Alright I am.
~She starts walking towards him but stops in front of him. She leans up kissing him. As the kiss breaks, she walks out of the room, heading for her match. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: She's ready, Hood
Hood: Doesn't matter
Smith: She is determined
Hood: Doesn't matter
Smith: She seems confident
Hood: Doesn't fucking matter
Smith: Let's head down to ringside to see if it matters!
Singles Match
“The Purple VIP” Josie Barnes (45 pts) vs. “The Fury” Tommy Crimson (41.7 pts)
~The crowd is enjoying some good, old fashioned American music piped into the OCW Arena. They are singing along to the lyrics they’ve been taught since they were young. The music comes to an end and we see Belvedere in the ring~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall!
~"Shadow Boxing" by Parkway Drive hits! The heated crowd turns around and goes wild for one of OCW’s bright, upcoming stars of 2017, Josie Barnes! The entire crowd is hued in purple due to lighting. A “PURPLE VIP” chant breaks out! Josie smiles and coquettishly makes her way down the ramp, toward the ring. She slides in, under the bottom rope, and gets to her feet and rotates both shoulders, limbering up for the match.~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Lily, Georgia…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 118lbs…she is the Purple VIP…she is…Josie Barnes!!!
~A “JOSIE” chant now breaks out. Barnes smiles and acknowledges the chant, throwing both arms into the air. The music dies down and Josie stares up the ramp towards the entrance way with a vicious grin on her face. ~
Smith: And the Purple VIP is back in action for the first time since The Greatest Show on Earth…I can only hope that injury is 100% healed
Hood: I didn’t see her gimping around at all today, so she should be alright
Smith: If there are any lingering issues, you can be sure a man like Tommy Crimson will certainly exploit them
~“Lux Aeterna” by Megaraptor hits throughout leading the crowd to boo and immediately want to throw trash. The lights go out suddenly.~
~The violins pick up on Lux Aeterna as a brain comes into focus on the screen. A grainy upside down cross appears in a flash but the brain instantly returns. The three dimensional shot shows the entire organ in all its glory. Memories begin to emit off the brain like smoke from a fire.~
~The memories show each title win of Tommy’s career. Crimson owns most of his own footage which allows for this to occur in real time. The animation of the brain meshed with real live shots come together beautifully as the cover of the masterpiece by Mansell continues.~
~The orchestra behind the rock band, Megaraptor, ramps up as the memories of all Crimsons glory sucks back into the brain The two cerebral hemispheres end up as sticky brain matter that spells out “Mind Fuck”. The lights come on to reveal Tommy Crimson standing between the two large words spelt in 3d splattered brain matter a full story high. The crowd loses it.~
Belvedere: Now making his way down the aisle… He weighs in at one hundred seventy three pounds while hailing from the Motor City! The FUUURRRYYYYY! TOMMY! CRIMSOOOOOON!
~Crimson walks down the steel ramp knocking signs out of fans hands the entire way. Trash flies at the hated wrestler from all directions. He grins while eating up the negative reaction. The Fury stops short of the ring steps. He ties his red mop back with a rubber band then bounces up the ropes. Tommy reaches the center of the ring and begins spin with both arms extended out from his body while his eyes are shut tight. The crowd continues to boo The Fury without mercy. Crimson takes off his HUMAN SKIN JACKET then hands it off to a ring hang before choosing a corner.~
Smith: I know she can handle herself…but I’m worried about Josie. Crimson is just such a maniac…I hope he doesn’t hurt her
Hood: If she’s that fucking weak and pathetic perhaps she should go work inside an antique store
Smith: She’s stronger than I give her credit for…I just hope she isn’t rushing back too soon
Hood: Well she needs to get some work in…I mean she did just get GIFTED a rematch against Ed at Lost at Sea by fucking Zybala so…might as well see if that leg still works
Smith: What if it doesn’t?
Hood: Then yank her from the match and put someone with two good legs in her place
~Belvedere exits the ring. The bell sounds. Crimson looks across the ring at Josie and smiles. Barnes is unaffected. She motions for Crimson to come at her, ready for a fight. The crowd cheers her spirit. Crimson nods, appreciating the invite and heads her way. Josie, not one to just sit back and let things happen, moves forward, staying light on her toes. They reach each other in the center. Barnes is in a boxing posture, looking to land some jabs. Crimson is in more of a traditional ‘wrestling’ stance…he keeps reaching for Josie’s injured leg. Barnes does her best to keep it away from him~
Smith: Well, my worst fears may be realized…it’s pretty obvious what Tommy’s intentions are
Hood: Hey…can you blame him?
Smith: Sigh…no…no I cannot
~They continue their ‘dance’ for a few squared rotations within the squared circle. Finally, Crimson adjusts his strategy…he feigns a right hand…Josie moves to block it…Crimson dives at her legs…he is able to snare the good one before Josie can get out of his way. Barnes backs into the ropes, holding on. Crimson reaches for the bad leg…he’s got both legs wrapped up. Scruff starts to administer a count. Crimson yanks both legs out from under Josie. She falls to the mat~
Smith: Josie is in the ropes but if Crimson can get her away from those ropes before a five count then, I guess he can maintain control
Hood: You guess? What is this bullshit? Just trying to bend the rules for the Purple VIP
Smith: No…acknowledging the rules, Hood
Hood: Bending
~Scruff hits four. Crimson manages to drag Josie away from the ropes and toward the center of the ring. He gets to his feet, holding both her feet. Barnes, on her back, looks around with angst filled eyes. Crimson narrows his focus on the bad leg. Josie kicks her good leg around so Crimson knees it right near the hip, deadening it. Barnes winces. Crimson isolates the bad leg. He holds up his elbow and motions to drop the elbow across the leg. He proceeds to follow through with his threat but, Josie able to pull her leg away…Crimson’s elbow drives straight into the mat!! He grabs his elbow in pain as Josie rolls away and sits against the bottom buckle of the nearest corner, rubbing her dead leg back to life~
Smith: Great job, Josie! I know that leg probably feels better but it hasn’t truly been tested in three weeks
Hood: Crimson isn’t looking to test the damn thing
Smith: He’s not?
Hood: Nope, he’s looking to BREAK the damn thing
~Crimson bends his elbow back and forth while getting to his feet. He turns and sees Barnes seated in the corner. He charges in, looking to drill her in the face with a running knee. Barnes ducks! Crimson slams his knee into the bottom buckle! Josie gets to all fours…Crimson staggers back and falls, tripping over Josie’s body. Josie pops back to her feet…she hits the ropes…Crimson sits up but is taken right back down by a sit out drop kick from Josie!!! The back of Crimson’s head smacks into the mat~
Smith: Starting to feel better about this…Josie looks ready to go!
Hood: Give it time…he’s gonna get that leg
Smith: You don’t know that
Hood: Yes I do
~Josie transitions, quickly, attempting to lock in an Anaconda Vice. Crimson, however, sensing tremendous pain on the horizon, kicks his legs up…he wraps them around Josie’s head and pulls her to the mat with a leg lock. Josie kips up, out of the lock. She’s on her feet. Crimson, not to be out done, does a kip up. The second he hits his feet Josie smacks him with a Superkick!!! Crimson goes stiff and falls backward. Josie goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: Whew…close…but it’s going to take more than that
Hood: Holy shit, man. What’s going on…was that with her bad leg?
Smith: I believe it was with her good leg
Hood: Okay, cause I was about to accuse Josie of faking her stupid little ‘injury’
~Josie is back to her feet. She backs into a corner, waiting on Crimson. Crimson reaches his feet…she charges forward and leaps into the air, hooking her legs around his head. She twists and tosses Crimson into the ropes with a hurricanrana. Crimson hits the ropes and bounces across the middle rope in prime position for a 619. Josie gets back to her feet…she runs into the ropes, bounces off and leaps through the air, jumping on top of Crimson’s back, smashing his throat against the middle rope!! Crimson falls back into the ring, holding his throat in pain. Josie slips through the ropes and finds herself standing atop the apron~
Smith: She looks GREAT! I’m starting to think she might run away with this, Hood
Hood: Yea I’m starting to get sick
Smith: Is there some type of bug going around backstage I’m unaware of
Hood: Yea…it’s called the Josie Barnes Experience
Smith: RUDE
~Crimson reaches his feet, coughing. Josie hops up onto the top rope and springboards off…Crimson catches her and drops her with a powerbomb!!! Josie hits the mat hard!!! The fans all take a seat. Her momentum has been stifled. Crimson bends over, hands on his knees, coughing. His coughing soon gives way to laughter as he stands up, laughing and looking down at the very prone Purple VIP~
Smith: NO!
Hood: About fucking time…now…tear that leg apart!
Smith: Normally I’d plead passion…but there is no man more ruthless than Crimson
Hood: And that’s why he’s on the verge of competing for the OCW Title, Smith
~Crimson arrogantly approaches Barnes, who is slow moving. He reaches down and snares her ‘bad’ leg. Barnes suddenly realizes what’s going on. She tries to get away…but it’s too late, he’s got her leg. She looks up and extends her arms, pleading with Crimson to show some mercy. Crimson yells “FUCK YOU!” He drops an elbow right across the leg!! Josie yells out in pain. The crowd groans. Crimson sits up with the leg still in his control~
Smith: No no no!
Hood: Looks like he might cripple your precious Purple VIP
Smith: Don’t say that
Hood: The good news about crippling her is that there would be no more Purple VIP
Smith: And the bad news?
Hood: There is no bad news
~Barnes fights through the pain, showing tremendous resiliency…she sits up out of nowhere and claws at Tommy’s face!! Crimson yells in pain, getting to his feet and swiping Josie away. He staggers around the ring, holding his face in pain. Barnes struggles to her feet, limping slightly…Crimson turns around, facing Josie…but he’s still blinded…Barnes grabs the back of his head and drops him with a Sit Out Facebuster!! The crowd jumps to their feet! Josie holds onto her leg, wincing due to the impact~
Smith: She just hit Crimson’s finisher ON Crimson
Hood: Talk about a Mindfuck!
Smith: I’ve been told Josie has studied up on other wrestler’s moves in an attempt to use their moves against them…looks like it’s been working!
Hood: Fucking sneaky
~Crimson gets to his feet before Josie, surprisingly. He’s staggering around like a damn drunk. He runs into a corner, front first. Josie gets to her feet, gingerly. She keeps a close watch on Crimson – one never knows when it comes to THE FURY. Crimson turns around and walks out of the corner…Barnes slaps at her leg, giving it some feeling before leaping into the air and dropping Crimson with the Barnes Experience!!! The crowd goes fucking wild!!~
Smith: The Barnes Experience!
Hood: Are you fucking kidding me?!
Smith: I would never joke about Josie Barnes!
~Barnes looks around, stunned she hit the move…and so early! She makes the cover…Scruff slides into the ring. The crowd counts along~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings!! The crowd explodes! A “VIP” chant fills the arena~
Belvedere: Here is your winner… “THE PURPLE VIP” JOSIE BARNES!!!!!
Smith: She did it!! She just upset Tommy Crimson!
Hood: Well there goes everything I ever believed in! What the fuck?!
Smith: She’s proving to be more than you and a lot of other people have given her credit for…she just knocked off arguably the most dangerous competitor in OCW
Hood: Man…Ed’s got to be scared shitless
Smith: Well, this certainly gives Josie a sharper edge, for sure
~Josie wants to celebrate…however, she realizes the danger within the man that is currently stunned in the middle of the ring, so she rolls out to preserve her ginger leg. Lukas comes rushing down, embracing Josie, congratulating her on the win. He helps her up the ramp as the crowd cheers her on. Crimson starts to sit up. He begins to realize what’s happened. He starts to slam his fist into the mat with rage. He turns, glaring at Josie, who stands at the top of the ramp with Lukas~
Smith: What an upset…but, after what we’ve seen from Josie…can we really keep calling these upsets?
Hood: I can!
Smith: The Purple VIP is rising up the ranks, Hood. If she’s able to lock down more wins like this one…who knows, we could be seeing Josie Barnes headline a PPV in the near future
Hood: DUDE…I had seafood today…you know how seafood does my stomach sometimes…do not make me PUKE
Smith: Alright, fine…let’s head to some more taped footage while Hood gets his intestines back in good, working order
~We cut to the parking lot for a scene from earlier in the day. OCW rookie Heidi is spotted heading into the arena from the employee parking lot. The fans give her appearance in the taped video a loud ovation~
Smith: Taped video from earlier…there she is, Hood! Heidi! We saw her dismantle The Gatekeeper last week
Hood: Yea she wasn’t fucking around…what’s she up to tonight? She’s kinda hot, ya know?
Smith: I only see these individuals as talented in ring competitors
~A white van appears behind Heidi. It creeps up in a very obtuse manner. It turns to the side and a door slides open. At first we see nothing. Then we hear~
Voice: HAHAHAHAHA
~Heidi turns around. She spots the creepy ass vehicle looming a few feet away. The image of a sleazy individual appears…he steps out…it’s John E Depth!~
Smith: That’s John E Depth…member of the tag team Deluxxx and amateur porn star slash director!
Hood: Hmm…if I were Heidi, I’d run
~Heidi drops her bag and raises her fists. Depth puts both hands up in an innocent gesture~
John E Depth: Whoa, whoa girl…relax. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to help you! You see this vehicle behind me…it’s known as the OCW SlamBus. We shoot amateur films inside while maneuvering the roads of Key West.
~Heidi doesn’t flinch, continuing to stand, prepared for a fight~
John E Depth: It’s isn’t just me, if that’s what you’re concerned with. Tony is inside shooting all the footage.
Tony the Spider: Hahahaha!
~Tony leans his head out from behind the door…he’s holding a very old, very cheap video recorder~
John E Depth: And we’ve got Uber Man behind the wheel so, ya know, it’s going to be a safe journey.
~Uber Man is seen leaning forward, near the passenger’s window, sliding his shades down the bridge of his nose while flashing a smile~
John E Depth: So…what do you say?
~Heidi starts to lunge at Depth. Depth jumps back~
John E Depth: Whoa…easy…we pay really well. I was going to start you out at five hundred…but, what do you say about a cool grand?
~Depth pulls out ten one hundred dollar bills and extends them. Heidi’s fists remain clinched….so, Depth just places the money down on the pavement, a few feet away~
John E Depth: See…there you go…count it if you like. This is totally legit.
~Depth, acting like he’s trying to tame a feral beast, keeps his eyes on Heidi while slowly returning to a standing position. The money remains on the ground. A gust of wind picks up, blwoing one of the hundreds away~
John E Depth: What the…that was a hundred bucks! Are you stupid or something?
~And, well, that just about did it…Heidi lunges at Depth…she kicks him in the gut. He doubles over…she hooks his arms and drops him with a double underhook facebuster into the parking lot pavement!! The crowd inside the arena goes “OOOOHHHH” Heidi stands up, brushes herself off and stares at the van. Tony slams the door shut and Uber peels out…the van drives away to safety. Heidi snares what remains of the money, grabs her back and she heads inside~
Smith: That disgusting man got what he deserved!
Hood: Talk about ungrateful…here they are trying to give Heidi a credit for her IMDB page and she assaults them!
Smith: I think we can all figure out what their intentions were…and they weren’t good!
Hood: Blah…I would have watched!
Smith: Of that I have no doubt
~Heidi exits the scene. We see Depth laid out, blood leaking from a wound in his head. IN the background we see JACK PUFFER! The crowd pops. He’s got a hundred dollar bill in his hand~
Jack Puffer: Look at what I have found! Today is my lucky day!
~A very excited Puffer exits the scene. The feed ends and we cut back to a live video feed of Smith and Hood~
Hood: What an idiot...if that guy wins Survivor
Smith: Shh, quiet...there's still hope. I'm pulling for TIO, naturally...as well as Brooks
Hood: Of course you are...I've got my money on Vargas and Meyhu...battling it out until the end!
Smith: Naturally...but, man, how about Heidi? She's already a force and she hasn't even wrestled yet
Hood: Do not hit on that bitch
Smith: Indeed...I'm told she will be making her in ring debut NEXT WEEK...so exciting!
~The OCW cameras pan the audience as “Who Taught You How to Hate” blasts from the sound system, causing the crowd to jump to their feet and cheer. The Incredible One walks out in his wrestling gear, prepped for his match later with Julliet Brooks, alongside his fiance Leslie and daughter Jenna. The three of them wave to the crowd before making their way down the ramp, clapping the hands of fans along the way. TIO rolls into the ring and bends the ropes to let Leslie and Jenna in before going to a turnbuckle and posing for the fans. The music begins to fade out but is quickly drowned out by a massive “TIO” chant. TIO nods, bowing his head slightly, thanking them. He grabs a mic from a ringside hand and lifts the mic to his mouth.~
TIO: I’d rather be out back right now honestly, getting a bit more prepared for my match later, but I have some business that needs to be taken care of. Two weeks ago, after addressing to all of you I would do anything to get the OCW Championship back, I got jumped by Professor Bradley Carrington. And then last week, he thought he’d play some mind games on me, and pretty much show me every time I ever lost in OCW.
~The crowd boos heavily as clips show the attack from two weeks ago, where Carrington locked in a triangle choke on TIO and he had to be carted out via EMT’s. It then shows last week with TIO’s locker room transformed into a classroom and the projector showing all of TIO’s most newsworthy loses.~
TIO: And for those that missed out last week… that ended with Carrington challenging me to a match at Lost at Sea. It would give me great pleasure to kick Carrington’s ass at Lost at Sea… but before I accept the bout.... I need to know - why? Why me? Why now? I don’t understand what I’ve done to piss Carrington off. So… this is your chance. Come out, and explain yourself.
~TIO lowers the microphone as the crowd buzzes, wondering if Carrington will show up. TIO waits patiently for a few moments before beginning to slowly pace around the ring. Just as he’s starting to look annoyed “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived” begins to play over the speakers. Bradley Carrington walks out in a Cornell red button down shirt, the crowd boos him louder than they ever have before. Bradley smiles and waves as he raises the microphone to his mouth.~
Carrington: Thank you! No no, thank YOU! It is wonderful to be back.
~They continue booing relentlessly as Bradley climbs into the ring. He extends his hand, offering TIO a chance to shake. TIO simply looks at Bradley’s hand before looking him in the eye. The crowd goes quiet, wondering what’s going to happen next.~
Carrington: Okay, fine. You’re upset, you’re not thinking clearly.
~The crowd boos again.~
Carrington: I know you have questions, and naturally I, the professor, have answers.
~The crowd continues their chorus of boos and screaming of obscenities. Leslie rolls her eyes.~
TIO: Brad, we were friends once. Were, being the key word there.
Carrington: I’m an educated man, and I know you. I know what you’re thinking right now. You think I’ve wronged you. You think that I did what I did, out of some form of disrespect. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact is I do respect you.
TIO: Really? You blindsided me and choked me out because you respect me?
Carrington: Yes I did. I attacked you bec- excuse me, please save your questions until the end of the lecture.
~Bradley attempts this teacher strategy to calm the crowd who has begun chanting “You’re not welcome” at him. This attempt to calm them down only makes them chant louder, forcing Bradley to almost shout into the mic.~
Carrington: I attacked you because I respect you, you’re a former OCW champion and a hall of famer. I respect you more than most people in this business. So I knew that yours, would be the perfect head to hunt first. I wanted my return to mean something, to be remembered. I wanted to make it abundantly clear that my one and only intention here is to become OCW champion, to conquer OCW. And if my conquest begins with the hall of fame, then there’s no one that can stop me.
~The crowd unsurprisingly boos again.~
Carrington: You boo me now, but by the end of the year you will all be members of the church of Carrington. You will see the light, you will see that I have all the answers. You honestly think that he deserves a rematch for the championship?
~The crowd begins to cheer, Bradley takes this as a yes.~
Carrington: If anybody in this ring deserves a shot at Matt Meyhu, it’s me. I am undefeated against him! 1 and 0!
~Bradley figuratively pats himself on the back as the fans express their disgust once again.~
~"Party Hard" hits the speakers and the fans start to cheer as Commissioner Zybala walks out onto the ramp holding a large duffle bag in one hand and a microphone in the other. He makes his way to the ring, stopping occasionally to fist-bump random fans. TIO stands back against the ropes with a look of interest. Carrington shakes his head and walks around, disgusted by Zybala’s appearance~
Hood: Christ, this guy again?
Smith: Well, last week Commissioner Zybala posted on the OCW message boards that he had some announcements to make.
Hood: Please let it be him resigning. Or hey, he’s got that big bag. Maybe he's going on a long vacation!
Smith: I doubt that's what he's out here for.
Hood: Don't ruin my dreams!
~Zybala makes it to the ring and enters it. He walks up to TIO and shakes his hand. He tries to shake Carrington’s hand, but The Professor just waves Zybala away. Mike doesn’t sweat it. He stands in the middle of the ring and the music stops. He raises the microphone to face level and starts talking~
Zybala: Now, I don't know when or if this mic will be cut off by Welsh, so I'm gonna try to get through this as fast as possible. First, regarding the Process of Elimination match next week, the teams will be Bob Grenier, Roach, and Muffles the Bunny versus the team of Harold Jones, Melinda Rhodes, and Tony the Spider. The winner of that match will go on to face Josie Barnes and Ed Houston at Lost At Sea in a triple threat match for the Craze Championship.
Second item on the agenda. Recently, after obtaining the help of The Uber Man, Puffer, E.E. and a few others, we went to the OCW warehouse to search for items to use for my last announcement, but I'll get to that later. While we were rummaging through old OCW paraphernalia, I came across something.
~He sets the duffle bag down and opens it. Zybala reaches inside and pulls out a championship title with a blue and black strap and holds it up~
Smith: Is that what I think it is?!
Hood: Son of a bitch, I think so.
Zybala: For you newer fans and wrestlers, this right here is what was once called The Oceanic Championship. E.E. told me the name, but wasn't sure about the rules around it. But with L.A.S. being on a boat and everything, I figured it would be cool to use it. So after much deliberation, I decided that it will be up for grabs in one of the matches! Which match you ask? It's gonna be TIO versus Bradley Carrington! Why? Because TIO never got a World title rematch and I felt bad about kind of screwing Carrington out of a Paradigm title shot last year. And also ruining his Boardwalk Wrestling A.C. title reign by beating him for it in his very first defense. And giving him his second loss in Boardwalk. And beating him every time we faced except for one time. I hope this makes up for it.
~A few fans cheer, a few laugh, and a few start a "WE WANT A FUCKING MATCH" chant. Zybala smiles. Carrington glares at Zybala, from behind. We aren't sure if he's going to attack him or remain still.~
Zybala: I know, I know. Last announcement, I swear. Like I said earlier, I was looking in the OCW warehouse, but for what reason? I'll tell ya. It was to look for old ring parts and other stuff to help open up Outsiders Championship Wrestling!
~Some fans cheer, but the majority doesn't know how to react~
Zybala: That's right fans. Dean and I are opening up Outsider's again, but not as a rival promotion. We will be working in concert with this OCW. Think of us as the training ground for the new breed of OCW stars. Of course all old Outsider's are welcomed to come back, like Uber Man, Bri Carter, and former champ Peter Vaughn. Outsiders will be a place where people can learn the craft, hone their skills and hopefully one day make it to the main stage here in Online Championship Wrestling. That means you fans will be getting more wrestling shows from us!
~The fans cheer as this idea because who doesn't like more? The cheers turn to boos as the big screen lights up with a feed of Marcus Welsh sitting in his office. He does not look pleased~
Marcus Welsh: What the hell is going on down there? Oceanic Titles….Outsiders wrestling – again?! Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time, Zybala? You’re ruining this show! We were having this nice, pivotal exchange between The Professor, Bradley Carrington and TIO and you come down to rant and rave, spewing a bunch of gibberish. It’s insanity!
~Welsh catches his breath and begins to calm down. TIO, with a mic in his hand, looks at Zybala and back at Welsh~
TIO: This might sound crazy, but I actually wouldn’t mind competing for the Oceanic Championship.
~The crowd goes wild. Carrington scoffs at the notion. Welsh rolls his eyes~
Marcus Welsh: TIO, man, you’re still reeling from that loss. You’re desperate for gold, I know it. But, listen, this isn’t…
~Zybala unveils his latest secret weapon. A notarized document signed by Jimmy Buffett. Welsh yells out~
Marcus Welsh: Son of a bitch!
~The crowd goes wild~
Smith: Looks like the Oceanic Title WiLL be on the line in the Carrington/TIO match!
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY
Smith: El Linchador, Silver Cyanide, The Big Bifford, Tommy Crimson, Titan 3, Mark Kelley, Triple M, Logan Caine, D Double D, and Scorpion are all listed as FORMER Oceanic Champions!
Hood: What’s Logan Caine doing amongst those names!
Smith: Sorry, he was always a personal favorite of mine
Marcus Welsh: Zybala…man, do you realize what you’re doing? You are RUINING this great federation with these ridiculous ideas! I mean the Oceanic Title? Does that mean the winner is champion of the OCEAN….c’mon! Just because DEAN did it doesn’t mean it was smart…there’s a reason why DEAN isn’t around here anymore and he’s associating with…well, with the likes of you.
~The crowd boos. Zybala doesn’t seem to mind. He shrugs and continues to show off his signed document from Buffett. He shows it to TIO who smiles, nods and says very loudly “LOOKS LEGIT TO ME.” Welsh sighs~
Marcus Welsh: Fine…whatever. Carrington and TIO…head on back here and we can work out the details for this amendment to your match. You guys want the damn Oceanic Title then, fine, the Oceanic title will be on the line…but, I do not expect to see it become a regularly defended title within MY promotion. This is a one-time thing, you got it?
Mike Zybala: Well, I guess we’ll have to see about that.
~It takes everything Welsh has within himself to remain composed~
Marcus Welsh: Security, could you please escort TIO and Carrington back here…thanks.
~The crowd begins a “TIO” chant…then it turns into an ‘OCEANIC’ chant. Zybala encourages the chant, superkicking the air occasionally. Carrington and TIO have exited the ringside area. Welsh is still being broadcast on the main screen~
Smith: I have to say…I don’t know about some of his ideas, but the fans certainly do seem to be enjoying their commissioner.
Hood: That’s because they’re all drunk
Marcus Welsh: Zybala…I hope you’re enjoying this little run of yours. I hope you like making a mockery out of this great promotion. And, I really hope you’re getting your kicks out of making me look like a fool. These fans certainly seem to be enjoying it. But I know how this ends, I’ve known people like you my entire life. You will burn this place to the ground simply for your own amusement. And…I will NOT allow that to happen. So enjoy this brief moment of triumph because it will not last.
~Zybala laughs, throwing his hands at Welsh as though what he says doesn’t mean anything~
Marcus Welsh: And before you leave, I know how you used to talk about inviting people to superkick parties. Well, let me invite YOU to the Lockwood Party!
~Suddenly, Zybala is attacked from behind by The Lockwoods! The commissioner tries fighting them off but they eventually overpower him, bringing Zybala to the mat. The Lockwoods are relentless with their stomps to the head and back of Zybala. Zybala stops moving as he loses consciousness and is then picked up by The Lockwoods. Add in the set up and delivery of their finishing move. The fans boo as The Lockwoods leave the ring and emts rush the ring to attend to Zybala~
Smith: What the…Welsh paid the Lockwoods off to attack Zybala!
Hood: Smart man…it’s hard to talk to Buffett over the phone when you are unconscious
Smith: That was heinous…he’s just having fun, Hood. The commissioner is merely doing what he loves
Hood: It’s like Welsh said…Zybala will destroy this place, we cannot let that happen
Smith: I’d like to see him be given a little more authority, to be quite honest. See what happens
Hood: YOU’RE CRAZY
Smith: Well if I were I certainly wouldn’t know it. But I doubt that’s the case. I hope our commissioner will be okay after that
Hood: Oh he will…the idiots always survive
Smith: He may prove to be smarter than you think, Hood. He’s already tricked our genius leader, Marcus Welsh more than once
Hood: Meh, luck
Smith: Well folks...TIO will be right back out here in just a few moments to face Julliet Brooks. But, before we can get to that...let's cut to a ZANY promo put together by...well, I'll guess our commissioner advertising Lost at Sea
Singles Match
The Incredible One (30.55) vs. “The Pride of New Mexico” Julliet Brooks (9.6)
~A shot of the crowd is shown. They are dancing and singing, having a great time. The beer is flowing on this Fourth of July edition of Massacre. Belvedere enters into the ring…a few of the more ‘coherent’ fans point this out to their friends. Word carries quickly and the entire crowd cheers~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following contest is scheduled for one fall!!
~The crowd chants ‘ONE FUCKING FALL!!’ "Down" by Otep hits and out walks Julliet Brooks onto the stage to a chorus of cheers from the audience, simply smiling from ear to ear, and continued to walk down the ramp. Once there she claps some fans hands at ringside then runs and slides underneath the ropes, soaking up the positive reaction. After she leans against the ropes and looks toward the entrance way, showing no intimidation to her upcoming opponent~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Albuquerque, New Mexico…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 108lbs…she is the Pride of New Mexico…she is…Julliet Brooks!!!
Smith: And there she is! We haven’t seen her compete since The Greatest Show on Earth…it’s nice to see her looking in great shape
Hood: Well the Knife Man is certainly good at his job. All her cuts and bruises and weird looking nose have been fixed
Smith: She doesn’t have a weird looking nose!
~The heavy riffs of "Who Taught You How to Hate" begin to ring through the arena as the crowd leaps out of their seats. They cheer heavily as The Incredible One emerges from the back, followed by his fiancé Leslie and his daughter Jenna. TIO smiles as he looks out at the sea of fans while his girls clap behind him. TIO starts down the ramp, clapping hands with the fans and waits at the bottom for his family. When they finally join him, he hugs Jenna, kisses Leslie on the lips, before they leave him. They go to the side of the ring as TIO rolls into the ring and immediately goes to a turnbuckle, climbing it and raising his arms, flexing to the intensity of the music and the atmosphere. He jumps off the turnbuckle as the lights go out except for a single spotlight shining into the middle of the ring. He enters into the light, head down~
Belvedere: Please welcome to the ring, from Halifax, NS, Canada, weighing in this evening at 235lbs... he is a former OCW Champion and a current OCW Hall of Famer…he is... THE INCREDIBLE ONE!!!
~He slowly lifts his head, breathing heavily, and staring into the camera as the thunderous crowd chants "TIO". The lights return to normal and his music cuts quickly, with the buzz of the crowd still electric in the air~
Smith: For most people the term ‘former OCW Champion’ would swell them with pride…however, for The Incredible One it has to be something of a sensitive moniker
Hood: Guy shouldn’t have lost
Smith: You act like he fumbled it away! He put on one of the best performances in OCW history…add another minute to that match and TIO is out champion
Hood: Yes…but it wasn’t a sixty one minute match, was it? It was a sixty minute match!
Smith: Alas…it was. However, turning the page…he’s got a chance to get back on the winning track tonight against Julliet Brooks. These two have known each other for quite some time so it should be interesting to see who prevails
~Belvedere exits the ring as the bell sounds~
Smith: TIO has been one of the most influential wrestlers in OCW history – especially this ‘new era’ which dawned at the beginning of 2014. He’s coming off the toughest loss of his career…how will he bounce back?
Hood: He’s going down tonight, Smith. GOING DOWN TO PAIN TOWN
Smith: Always insightful, Hood
~TIO and Brooks meet in the center of the ring. TIO extends his hand. Brooks smiles and shakes it. The fans clap the show of sports-PERSON-ship. Both competitors circle one another before diving forward with a lock up! TIO applies a side head lock. Brooks shoves him off…he hits the ropes, Brooks drops to the mat…TIO hops over…he hits the ropes…Brooks gets to her feet…she leap frogs TIO…TIO hits the ropes again…he bounces off and is drilled with a picture perfect drop kick from Brooks!! TIO hits the mat and rolls out of the ring, holding his chin. The crowd gets a “HEYYYY GOOD LOOKIN” chant directed at Brooks. Some might call it sexist but those people are hideous virgins. Brooks smiles, enjoying the crowd’s appreciation~
Smith: Wow! Julliet Brooks looking great to start things off
Hood: It’s been awhile since she had the opportunity to cut someone…I’m sure she’s anxious
Smith: There’s no cutting in this match, Hood
Hood: She will find a way
~TIO turns around, facing the ring. Julliet grabs the top rope and leaps over…TIO backs out of the way…Brooks adjusts and lands on her feet atop the apron. She throws a mule kick into TIO’s head!! It SMACKS! TIO backs against the barricade. Julliet leaps off the apron with a moonsault!! She connects!! The momentum takes over the barricade and into the crowd. The fans at ringside pat her on the back and cheer her on. One guy gets a little too touchy feely…so Julliet shoves him away. TIO, meanwhile, slinks down to the floor, wincing with pain~
Smith: What a move! What athleticism…she looks sharp!
Hood: That’s because she is sharp…she’s a killer…a cutter…she’s dangerous
Smith: I mean in regards to her fluidity, her movements…she’s obviously been training since we last saw her compete
Hood: Yea, well I meant sharp like a piece of glass.
~A fan at ringside asks Julliet for her autograph. She finds it impossible to say no to a fan, so she signs whatever she sees first – his official Tony the Spider COCK RING. She finishes signing and sees TIO standing on the other side of the barricade. He turns around, facing Julliet…his eyes pop, surprised to find her lingering. He reaches for her…she throws a punch with the pen in her hand. TIO dodges it…he grabs her by the arm and tosses her over the barricade to the floor outside the ring with a variation of what wrestling historians like to call a ‘hip toss’. She hits hard, her back SLAMMING on the outside matting~
Smith: I really wish our fans would not distract the wrestlers
Hood: Did you see that? She tried to stab TIO with a pen!
Smith: She did not!
Hood: Oh yes she did…she’s not satisfied unless there’s BLOOD, Smith. She might be a vampire
Smith: She is NOT a vampire
~TIO leans against the barricade, taking a quick breath. The fans pat him on the back and shout words of encouragement. He stands and snares Julliet by the hair, tossing her back into the ring. He steps up onto the apron and climbs through the ropes. While doing so…Brooks kips up!! She delivers a roundhouse kick to the side of TIO’s head!! TIO is hung up in the ropes…Julliet grabs his head and drops him with a DDT!!! She pulls TIO away from the ropes and goes for a pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Close! What quickness and recovery by The Pride of New Mexico
Hood: I don’t want to slight Julliet…okay, well, maybe I do…but if she pins TIO that would be like a kick in the balls – both of them!
Smith: Julliet is extremely talented…it would be a tough loss, sure…but nothing he should be ashamed of
Hood: I think The Professor is in his head
~Brooks returns to her feet, remaining focused. TIO gets to his knees. Brooks charges forward looking to hit a Shining Wizard. TIO ducks! He grabs Brooks foot…while holding onto the other. He stands…Julliet has her feet on each side of TIO’s head…she’s in position with a headscissor. TIO kicks his foot out, drilling Brooks in the gut! She weakens. He flips her up and she lands on top of his shoulders in the Electric Chair position! Brooks looks around, nervously...she starts to punch TIO on top of the head. He staggers. Julliet leans back looking for a reverse hurricanrana…but TIO bends at the knees, strengthening his base!! Brooks is hanging upside down behind TIO. She throws her arms around, trying to grab the ropes. TIO slings Brooks forward and slams her, front first into the mat with a reverse Alabama Slam!!! Brooks lands FACE FIRST! The crowd winces with pain. TIO leans back against the ropes, recovering~
Smith: Ouch!
Hood: Facial rearrangement
Smith: I hope she’s okay after that…could have a busted or broken nose
Hood: I knew the old TIO was in there somewhere!
Smith: He’s just trying to win, Hood. That doesn’t mean anything
~TIO straightens up and heads after Brooks. He grabs her by the hair, peeling her off the canvas. Brooks, instinctively, throws a mule kick…it drills TIO right into his damaged ribs – still bruised from The Greatest Show on Earth! TIO staggers back, coughing, holding his midsection. Brooks falls to one knee…still out of sorts after being slammed face first into the mat~
Smith: Well-placed kick by The Pride of New Mexico
Hood: Always knew that woman was a cheater
Smith: First of all…that’s not cheating. Secondly…I don’t think she knew exactly where that kick was headed…she just threw it out of pure instinct
Hood: You’re right, she was probably aiming for his balls
~Brooks gets to her feet…her back facing TIO. TIO swallows the pain and stands up, heading her way. He grabs Brooks by the back of the neck…Julliet spins around, bends over at the waist and drives TIO back into the corner! Her shoulder digs into TIO’s ribs!! TIO yells out in pain…Julliet refuses to relent, keeping the pressure on. Scruff issues a count…Julliet finally backs away. TIO breathes heavily, gasping for air. Julliet lunges forward, driving a shoulder into TIO’s midsection. TIO winces and yells out. We see Leslie looking up with concern while Jenna takes the scene in with a look of absorption~
Smith: Okay so this might not be completely on accident
Hood: Told ya…bitch is brutal! But, man, how about Jessica…she doesn’t seem to give two fucks that her dad’s ribcage is about to get bashed to shit
Smith: It’s JENNA…and, well, rumor has it she’s been training to become a wrestler herself…a competitor like Julliet Brooks could be something of an inspiration to her
Hood: Jenna, Jessica…whatever
~Brooks digs the shoulder in a few more times before displaying tremendous athleticism by performing a back flip, landing on her feet and charging in with another shoulder into the damaged ribs!!! She backs away allowing TIO to fall to the mat, clutching at his injured torso. Julliet flips him over and goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Somehow, someway the former champion kicked out
Hood: Meh, it’s just his ribs…
Smith: Have you ever suffered injured ribs before?
Hood: Sure, I’ve had…I had to suffer through a nasty plate of BBQ ribs the other day…who puts PEPPERS in their BBQ sauce, honestly
Smith: That’s not what I meant
~Brooks pops back to her feet, undaunted by TIO’s refusal to stay down. She turns, facing the side of the ring where Jenna and Leslie are watching. She sprints for the ropes…she springboards off the second rope with a moonsault. Jenna looks up in wonder, watching Julliet soar through the air before coming down with tremendous force on her father, TIO. Brooks goes for another cover…Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick out!
Smith: He won’t stay down…he’s too much of a fighter…ribs be danged!
Hood: Ya know if the guy doesn’t like his ribs he should just get them removed
Smith: I think he likes his ribs very much, Hood. He’s just in a tough spot
Hood: I don’t know man, he seems to really hate them…almost as much as Julliet
Smith: She’s smart to focus her attention on those ribs
Hood: Smart or hungry…I wouldn’t put it past her to try and rip them out for dinner later
Smith: SHE WOULDN’T DO THAT
~Brooks returns to her feet. The crowd starts a “JUL-LI-ET” chant. She backs into a corner, waiting for TIO to emerge. TIO does…his back is to Brooks. Leslie yells inside for TIO to “LOOK OUT” Jenna remains quiet, observing the situation. TIO turns around…Brooks charges in with a spear. TIO dodges!! Brooks slams head first into the middle buckle!! She backs out, holding her neck, stunned. TIO grabs her arms, lifts her up and drops her with a Full Nelson Slam!! The entire ring shakes from impact. The crowd is on their feet! TIO falls to both knees, bending over at the waist, holding onto his ribs~
Smith: What a move by TIO! What instincts!
Hood: He dodged her like a matador…treating the woman like she’s cattle, Smith. That’s SO Pre #MeToo or #HerToo or #Vag>Penis I forget what the movement is called
Smith: Well it’s definitely not the third option
Hood: Not yet
~TIO fights through the pain. He gets to one knee…then to both feet. He’s standing over Julliet’s legs. He bends down, reaching for them…Brooks suddenly springs to life! She lifts her legs up and tries to lock in a Triangle! TIO, who is already having trouble breathing, fights with everything he can to prevent the submission from being applied. Brooks nearly has it cinched in~
Smith: He may pass out! He’s already out of breath
Hood: Guy has really let himself go since losing the belt
Smith: It’s the RIBS
Hood: Excuses
~Brooks has it!! TIO falls to one knee…then both knees. He slouches forward…there isn’t a sign of life in his body. Scruff looks at TIO…he tries talking to TIO…no response. Brooks continues to clamp down. Across the ring we see Jenna starting to climb up onto the apron to get a closer look. Leslie reaches over, grabbing her arm to keep her from getting too close. Scruff grabs TIO by the arm and lifts it up…it drops. He lifts it up again…it drops~
Smith: That’s twice…once more and TIO is out
Hood: Man…first Barnes over Crimson and now this…upsets galore!
Smith: An upset, sure…but Julliet Brooks is one of the most decorated in ring competitors in the history of this business
Hood: Yea, yea, sure sure
~He raises TIO’s hand and lets go…it drops but STOPS! The crowd cheers. They chant for the Hall of Famer! “TIO!” He starts to shake and power up. Brooks does everything she can to keep him down. TIO gets back to one knee…then to his feet. We hear him yell out as loud as he can…he struggles but lifts Julliet up!!! The crowd is on their feet!! He brings her crashing down with a powerbomb!!! The ring shakes! Brooks lets go and is laid out! TIO crawls over and throws his arm over her chest…Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Brooks kicked out!
Hood: Was that his finish?
Smith: Not quite…but close
Hood: Damn…imagine how good TIO would be if he was in shape for this match
Smith: HE’S IN SHAPE
~TIO rolls over, rubbing his head in frustration. He stares at the ceiling. Brooks rolls onto her belly and crawls for the ropes, trying to get to her feet. TIO sits up…he nearly vomits, reaching for his side. He gets to his knee…then to his feet. He turns. He sees Julliet. She uses the ropes to stand…she turns and walks toward TIO. TIO grabs her and tosses her in the air, looking to get her in a powerbomb position…but Brooks reverses it with a modified Shining Wizard!! TIO spins around and falls into the ropes…his chest hits the top rope and he ricochets off, turning back around. Brooks hits the ropes…TIO staggers near the center of the ring. Brooks bounces off the ropes flies through the air, looking for a hurricanrana. She wraps her legs around TIO’s head and spins…but TIO holds on~
Smith: Uh oh
Hood: I think Julliet fucked up
~TIO hoists Brooks up…she tries to punch him. She scratches at him. She tries to reach for his ribs but her arms aren’t long enough. TIO brings her crashing down right onto her head with This Damn Incredible!! The crowd pops…Jenna is pulled back down by her mother, but she continues to watch with wide, attentive eyes. TIO makes a sloppy, exhausted cover. Scruff counts~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….THE INCREDIBLE ONE !!!!!
Smith: What a win for TIO! That first win after a big loss is always an important one
Hood: Yea now maybe the guy will hit the treadmill and get his ass back in shape…he was sucking way too much wind out there tonight
Smith: OR, maybe he’ll let those ribs heal up…he’s got a big match in less than a month against Bradley Carrington
Hood: THE PROFESSOR
Smith: Self proclaimed…and what a valiant effort by Julliet…I just can’t say enough good things about her
Hood: I can…and I’ve run out!
Smith: Jerk…I hope we get to see her enjoy some success soon…she’s so sweet and talented. If you can hear me…I’m pulling for you, Julliet!
Hood: You’re such a douche bag, you know that?
Smith: I’m not listening to your slander!
~TIO rolls out of the ring, hugging his family at ringside. TIO embraces some claps from the fans before holding both Leslie’s and Jenna’s hands, heading to the back. The crowd however begins to buzz as someone is seen zooming through the arena. The man hops the barricade and it’s revealed to be Bradley Carrington. TIO notices the crowd reacting as he turns his head enough to see a glimpse of Carrington. Reacting, TIO ducks the clothesline from Carrington, who crashes into Leslie, and hits her head hard on the ring post. The crowd gasps as Leslie crumbles to the ground.~
Hood: Get out of the way bitch!
Smith: How dare you! We’re going to need some EMTs out here pronto!
~Carrington stops dead in his tracks as he sees Leslie lying on the ground, not moving. Jenna is crying, on her knees, shaking her mom. Carrington turns around, as TIO is getting up from ducking the clothesline, not aware of the situation yet. Carrington retreats through the crowd again before TIO turns around, as the crowd heavily boos him. TIO turns around, and without hesitation from seeing Leslie, leaps to the ground trying to wake her. EMTs and other backstage workers rush to the scene, slowly getting Leslie onto a stretcher. They shine a light into her eyes, hoping to see if she’ll stir but doesn’t. The crowd falls silent as TIO and Jenna follow the stretchers to the back and camera’s turn to ringside~
Smith: What a horrific turn of events. I know Carrington is far from a saint...but I'm sure he didn't intend on that happening
Hood: This is why you don't bring your family to work. I blame this ALL on TIO
Smith: That is completely unfair. Folks...it's a somber scene out here...the fans are still trying to come to grips with what they've just witnessed. Let's all hope Leslie is okay...that was an awful sounding head on steel impact.
Hood: Way to vividly describe, it Smith
Smith: Sorry, just doing my job. Let's cut backstage as we try to move on with tonight's show
~The screen cuts to Tony the Spider standing behind the hot dog stand. He is in the middle of fulfilling a hot dog order for a customer.~
Tony: here you go kid. A hot dog with ketchup.
~Tony hands the hot dog to the kid as he takes it and walks away~
Richard: (clears his throat) Excuse me sir...
~Tony turns to see a scrawny young man in a long sleeve blue tshirt with a pre-teen Justin Beiber haircut~
Tony: hey kid. You want a hot dog?
Richard: no sir, I'm here about the job.
Tony: (looks at his watch) you are 2 hours late kid..
Richard: (scratches his head) sorry sir. I got caught up in those matches. Pretty exciting if you ask me..
Tony: bahahaha! I don't blame you. But look here son, we are very busy. The last girl quit in me. She couldn't handle the stress, you think you gir what it takes Dick? You mind if I call you Dick?
Richard: not at all sir.
Tony:(Pat's him in the shoulder) great. I like you already.. now come over here and let me show you what we are working with..
~Tony and Richard turn to the grill. Different types of sausages in varying sizes are seen on the grill~
Tony: so the OCW has asked me to add a little pizazz with these hot dogs... you know about pizazz Dick?
Richard: no sir..
Tony: me neither. What does that word even mean?
Richard: (whips out his phone and googles the word) an a attractive combination of vitality and glamour..
Tony: okay. Glamourize that's exactly what we are going to do to these dogs.. so the head honcho has told me we need to come up with a marketing strategy to increase the sales of our weiners.. and I thought what better way than to make hot dogs based off of the top OCW stars..
Richard: wow. That is a great idea sir.. you are a genius..
Tony: yeah, I'm not as dumb as I look.. so anyway this first dog we have us the Marvel Dog.
Richard: Marvel Dog? Sounds delicious.
~Tony grabs a small Vienna sausage and places it inside a regular size bun~
Richard: sir, that Weiner is too small for the bun..
Tony: hahahahaha! That's why is the Marvel Dog.
~Tony grabs a regular sized hot dog and puts it in a bun that is cut in half~
Tony: we will call this the Incredible Dog.
Richard: what's so incredible about it sir? It's just a regular hot dog in a small bun. Ot only looks big because the bun is small.
Tony: good observation kid. Now moving along.
~Tony grabs 2 regular weiners and places them in on bun, then he leathers it with all the fixings. And tops it off with chocolate sauce~
Tony: this is the Grenier Special.
Richard: looks kind of gross sir.
Tony: well I've never tried it, but Bob Grenier always comes here when his eyes are glazed and that's what he wants. And last but not least , it's the Vargas dog..
~Tony grabs a bun, leathers it with ketchup and mustard and relish and hands it to Richard. Richard stares at it with confusion~
Richard: you forgot the hot dog sir...
Tony: uh. No I did not. Vargas doesn't believe that weiners should go into any buns.. if you know what I mean...
Richard: i do sir..
~Tony smiles, then pats the young man on his back.~
Tony: I like you kid.. you're going places..
Richard: thank you mr. Spider...
Tony: (reaches into his fanny pack and pulls out a fanny pack and offers it to Richard) you earned it kid.. not many people deserve a fanny pack..
Richard: (takes the fanny pack and inspects it, then he looks at Tony) sir.. there's a circular hole right in the middle of this fanny pack..
Tony: hahahahahaha!
~We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Tony and Richard...what a pair
Hood: RATINGS, Smith
Smith: We certainly can get weird when we want to...but I will say that has lifted the spirits somewhat from what transpired earlier. And, for those of you curious...we still have yet to receive word on Leslie's condition
Hood: Her condition is some sense was knocked into her head and she's going to leave TIO for Bradley Carrington!
Smith: Doubtful...
~The OCW tron flickers. The crowd grows uneasy between matches. The screen glitches a few times. A man in an Illuminati mask appears. His voice is scrambled. Deep and booming.~
Voice: By the order of the Iron Horsemen, we have big news for you and the Online Championship Wrestling. Today marks the day of reckoning. Everyone in our path will be murdered. Today, is the day of birth!~
~The crowd is confused. One hillbilly in the front with a cigarette hanging from his lips can be heard over the entire arena, “WHAT THE FUCK?” The rest of the crowd seems to join him in confusion.~
Smith: Is that guy smoking a cigarette in the arena? How many NO SMOKING signs are posted around this place?
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
~The OCW tron flickers again. This time, President Donald J. Trump is seen, sitting in the Oval Office. A United States flag is draped behind him. President Trump is flanked by Vice President Mike Pence and Jeff fucking Sessions. Trump’s hair is impeccable as always. Fresh out of the tanning booth he sits at his desk with a big smile.~
Trump: Good day, ladies and gentlemen!
~The crowd pops. A rather heavy pop, Florida being a red state. Trump’s smile gets bigger, taking it all in.~
Trump: You all know I’m a huge wrestling fan! Jimmy Buffett and I go way back. Not everyone in the music industry is a flaming bleeding heart wuss!
~The crowd pops again. A “YOU ARE AWESOME!” chant picks up.~
Smith: Ugh…
Hood: FORGIVE this JACKASS, Donnie! He’s a wuss you speak of!
Smith: I am not talking politics with you of all people.
Hood: Good, shut up and listen to the Prez!
~President Trump nods. An even BIGGER smile dresses his face.~
Trump: Thank you all so much. I come here baring gifts. The gifts of second chances. Or, in this case, twentieth chances. Since I took this office from “that other guy”, I have signed five pardons. Today, that changes. I have successfully signed my sixth pardon. A full pardon at that. Maximum vindication. Exonerated of every charge. A slate wiped clean, if you will. I believe this move will pay off BIGLY. If you don’t like it, well, I’m the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES of AMERICA and I will do exactly what I want! Especially, for a fellow pussy grabber! Enjoy the show! You can thank me later!
~The OCW tron blacks out immediately. The crowd is left wondering what the fuck exactly just happened. The same hillbilly again is heard saying “THA FUCK?!”.~
Smith: Was that supposed to be broadcasted on this program? What the heck was that even about?
Hood: Who knows? Sounds pretty fucking cool though!
~Before Smith and Hood can speculate any further. Mickey Avalon’s “My Dick” hits the speakers.~
“My dick cost a late night fee
~The crowd really vibes with the tune. Nothing is happening though, other than an incredibly inappropriate song being played to the max level of decibel level. The cameras pan the crowd, there’s a young mother with her hands covering her son’s ears. A guy in a MATT MEYHU t-shirt eats a hog dog, a Josie Barnes fan is offended somewhere, the bulk of the crowd look both ways, standing on their tippy toes trying to see what happens next. Still nothing.~
Smith: Leave it to Donald Trump to play such music. NOT MY PRESIDENT!
Hood: You idiot! He didn’t play the song!
Smith: He di---
Hood: Stillman the Soundguy on point as always. Bad ass jam!
~Smith shakes his head. How does he call so many shows with Hood week after week without killing him? Or better yet, how does Hood not kill Smith is the better question! A sound of a motorcycle is heard revving. A Harley Davidson chopper comes into view. A man wearing a full faced helmet sits on the back of the big motorcycle. Dude is fucking jacked. Chiseled like some sort of Greek God. Leather chaps with no shirt, just a black leather kutte with the words ‘IRON HORSEMEN MC’ in patches on the back. The man riding the motorcycle is a little squirrely with it as he turns to head to the ramp. He can barely keep it straight. One heading down the ramp, he picks up too much speed and lays the motorcycle down right before the ring apron!~
Smith: OMG!
Hood: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA this idiot knows how to make an entrance! He just dumped that bike!
~The crowd doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Was that staged? Sure didn’t look it! The man pops up from the ground waving with both hands. He takes a bow, as if to say ‘I meant to do that!’ but we all know that idiot just wrecked in front of a packed OCW crowd. The man looks down at the bike and picks it off the floor. He kicks the kickstand and lets it sit beside the ring. He leans in checking out the damage. A huge scratch about a foot in length runs down the gas tank. The rider wipes at it with his fingers.~
Hood: Yeah… that’ll buff out! MORON!
Smith: I think he rolled his ankle!
~The dunce is still waving to the crowd with both hands. He looks like he may be mentally retarded. After a while, he jumps up onto the apron and enters the ring under the second rope. He begins flexing and posing for the crowd, the classic kiss of the biceps.~
Hood: For a retard, guy is built I’ll give him that.
Smith: Did you just say the R-word?
Hood: Don’t be queer, please. PLEASE don’t be that guy.
~The man in the helmet motions for a microphone. Belvedere obliges him tossing one up to him. WITH the microphone in the air, the man does a backflip landing on his hands. In mid hand stand, he reaches his right arm out opening his hand, catching the mic.~
Hood: OK! This retard also has some serious agility!
Smith: A backflip into a one handed hand stand while catching a microphone… Righteous.
~The man taps the top of the microphone, ‘This thing on?’. After a few seconds of pacing about the ring. He stops, he begins undoing the straps of the helmet. The crowd is at the edge of their seats. Who is this guy. The man slowly pulls off the helmet, trying as hard as he can for this moment not to be anticlimactic like Lukas Emery’s entire career. With the helmet fully off, he looks up… The crowd is stunned! A collective gasp is heard throughout the arena.~
Smith: HOLY SMOKES!!!
Hood: GOOD GOD!!! It’s him! He’s back!?!?
~As the man looks out into the crowd, the crowd ERRUPTS once they figure out who it is. The biggest pop this fucking arena has heard in a while. The roof is about to come off this fucking place! The cameras get a close up of him. He looks good. Ripped. Jacked. Sexy. You name it. All in one… We now know that it is none other than…..~
Crowd: IGGY!!! IGGY!!! IGGY!!! IGGY!!! IGGY!!! IGGY!!!
Hood: Ladies and gentlemen, IGGY HARDY is back in OCW!
Smith: The Master of Intensity himself, Mr. Pectacular has returned!
~Iggy feeds off the crowd. He grabs the top rope and shakes it with all his might. Think Ultimate Warrior only times 100. The power Iggy is flexing into those ropes seems as though they could snap at any minute. This goes on for too long, the crowd eating it all up. How quickly they forget he was a dumbass that just wrecked his motor bike in front of a packed crowd and millions watching on STARZ. The smile on Iggy’s face can never be wiped off. He stops raping the ropes and reaches for the mic he dropped on the mat.~
Iggy: WAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!
~The crowd ERRUPTS again!~
Iggy: Thank you President Donnie Trump! I’m gonna grab extra pussy tonight in your honor, buddy!
~You guessed it! The crowd roars again.~
Iggy: FREE as a BIRD, babycakes! I’m back in OCW and I’m ready to stretch my legs! I fired that limpwristed stuffed shirt Treat Cassidy and I’m making my own ways now! When I was in the pen, the boys looked out for me. Now that I’m out in the free world, it’s my turn to return the favor. I am a thrilled prospect of the IRON HORSEMEN MOTORCYCLE CLUB. We are a proud extension of the Aryan Brotherhood. I hope my brothers don’t hear this, but last night I got some sweet ass black pussy! Goodness gracious sakes of pete couldn’t she suck a mean cock! Chrome right off a trailer hitch! But yeah, we don’t like black people, jewish people, fags, rapists, hmmm… what else? Every day reciting the crescendo you’d think I would remember! Hehe!
~The crowd can’t believe their ears. Their beloved Iggy Hardy, a white supremacist?! Smith and Hood look at each other back at the announce table. Neither one of them can believe the nonchalant nature of Iggy’s describing ever so happily his new found racism. Iggy is so stupid and naïve he doesn’t even get it. He continues on his rant.~
Iggy: They backed me, now it’s my turn to back them! Plus they gave me this sweet ass vest. Check it out! Titties, right?!
~Iggy models off his kutte. Arching his back and pushing his ass out in the gayest way possible. He gets a pop from the crowd regardless.~
Smith: Titties?
Hood: Another word for cool…
Smith: Since when?
Hood: Just ride with it dude, for fuck sakes!
Iggy: As Aerosmith once said, back in the saddle again, lovebirds! I can’t wait to fuck someone in the middle of this ring and reclaim my Savage championship!!!
~Iggy smiles, flexing his muscles. Belvedere hops the apron and into the ring, he whispers something in his ear.~
Iggy: Oh. Ok. So, no Savage title? Seriously? Why in the H E double hockey sticks would they retire the best title they had?! Alls well that ends OK I guess, who gives a sweet ole crap! I still see OCW has some sexy pussy on the roster! Miss Josie ‘That ass’ Barnes, Julliet ‘B-Cups’ Brooks, A new girl… Heidi… Boy, she’s got some DSLs on doesn’t she? Am I right? I mean, am I right? How about Amelia Emery? Does she have sexual intercourse with her brother or what? I THINK SO!
~The crowd laughs along with Iggy. It’s been far too long. Iggy could stand here in the ring and shoot the breeze all night long. But he hit Taco Bell on the way to the arena and really has to take a shit. Figures it’s time to head on home.~
Iggy: I’ve got a meeting with Mark Welsh in the morning. Yes sir, I sure do. You will all be seeing me REAL SOON!
~Iggy smiles as he flips the microphone to Belvedere. Belvedere makes a solid catch, but nothing like Iggy’s handstand catch earlier. Iggy is about to exit the ring, but stops suddenly. He reaches for his neck and pulls out his infamous crucifix!!! He pulls the tap off it and dumps a LOAD of white powder onto the back of his left hand… He shouts out into the crowd. The power of his voice controls the arena. Who needs a fucking microphone!~
Iggy: FOR OLD TIMES SAKE!!!
~Iggy takes a sniff, snorting the entire clump of cocaine into his nasal passage, straight to his dome.~
Iggy: BAAAAAAAZOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
~The crowd cheers AGAIN as Iggy climbs out of the ring. He straps his helmet back onto his head and climbs onto his bike. He struggles a few minutes trying to kick it off the kickstand. FINALLY he gets it onto two wheels, and struggles more trying to get the fucking thing started… It seems like we’re watching him for an hour trying to turn the engine over. Out of pure respect, we cut to Smith and Hood, who are looking on at the lunatic that is Iggy Hardy who can’t get this fucking motorcycle started if his life depended on it!~
Smith: Well there you have it! Iggy Hardy is back in OCW and back in action next week!
Hood: I hope his return is better than his Iron Horsemen debut. He’s the worst motorcycle member I’ve ever seen! Look at him! He still can’t fire up that fucking bike!
Smith: Well, I’m sure a racist entity such as the Iron Horsemen can use him some how.
Hood: Beer runs? Buying breakfast? Cleaning the club house?
Smith: We all know Iggy has a violent streak. I will pray that nobody sees that side of him.
Hood: I forgot about that! Now THAT is what an illegal organized crime syndicate can use!
Smith: I'd honestly rather not know about Iggy's personal life. Let's just keep all things Iggy focused on his in ring ability.
Your dick got the HIV
My dick plays on the double feature screen
Your dick went straight to DVD
My dick, bigger than a bridge
Your dick look like a little kid's
My dick, large like the Chargers, the whole team
Your shit look like you fourteen
My dick, locked in a cage, right
Your dick suffer from stage fright
My dick, so hot, it's stolen
Your dick look like Gary Coleman”
~We cut backstage where the lights of an ambulance corrupt the dark, Key West sky. TIO and Jenna are hopping in the back. The doors are shut and the vehicle drives away. Who’Re is standing by~
Who’Re: Hey everyone…I tried to get an update on Leslie’s condition…unfortunately everyone was in such a rush I was unable to get anything. I was told, however, that TIO demanded Leslie be taken to a nearby hospital instead of placed under the care of The Knife Man.
~In the background we see The Knife Man lower his head…and his knife. He sulks away, saddened~
Who’Re: Apparently whatever the issue is, the former OCW Champion felt it necessary for a specialist to get involved. I’ll be heading to the hospital shortly…I will provide any updates I come across. Smith, Hood…back to you guys!
Smith: Let’s all hope Leslie is okay
Hood: What about the Knife Man? A broken heart is harder to heal than a broken head!
Smith: I’m sure he’ll be fine. Well…while we await an update on Leslie’s condition…let’s head down to ringside for tonight’s special…Instant Rematch
Singles Match - Instant Rematch
Bob Grenier (13.05) vs. “The Rebel” Melinda Rhodes (8.2)
~The crowd is super hyped. They get FIVE matches tonight…like…OHMYGOSH. They are chanting stupid things like “COCK RINGS!” and “GRENIER SWEAT!” Ya know, just being goofy fans with nothing better to do while awaiting the next match. Which, as fate would have it…is…NOW! Belvedere clears his throat…the crowd goes wild…it’s the biggest ovation a throat clear has ever received~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is an INSTANT REMATCH!
~A loud “GREN-IER” chant echoes throughout the OCW Arena. It’s pretty clear who the fans are behind~
Smith: Hood…last week Melinda Rhodes took Bob Grenier to the limit. This week…we get a rematch.
Hood: I’m going with Rhodes tonight, Smith. She needed that one big match to figure out what it takes around here…I think she’s a fast learner
Smith: She very well maybe…Grenier is going to have to be better this week than he was last week if he wants to prevail.
~Halestorm's, "Love Bites" assaults the P/A system. Through the curtains steps a fit, pale skinned, raven haired and heavily tattooed woman, her fist raised up in the air. Her dark brown eyes wander over the crowd as she stands upon the stage, taking it all in for a moment. On her face we find dark crimson painted on her full lips and red highlighted black eye shadow over her eyes. Her modest chest is contained by a fringed red and blue leather vest, her ass covered by black and silver tights. She sports standard black pads on her elbows and knees, with knee high laced wrestling boots to match. On her wrists are red, white, and blue bands. Upon her hips rests a thick black leather belt with a large and square silver buckle that reads in an ornate font, "REBEL."~
Belvedere: ON HER WAY TO THE RING....
~She makes her way to the ring with a confident stride, slapping fives with a few outstretched hands as she does so. It doesn't take her long to reach ringside. She climbs the steps, wipes her feet on the apron, and slips through the ropes. Giving the crowd a one finger salute, Rebel Rhodes backs into a corner of her choosing and waits, giving a glare of utter contempt to the fans around her~
Belvedere: FROM ROME, GEORGIA, STANDING AT FIVE FEET AND ELEVEN INCHES TALL AND WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO POUNDS...RRRRRREEEEBBBBBEEEEEELLLLL RRRRRRHHHHHHOOOOODDDDDDEEEESSSSS!!!!
~Melinda raises her arm with another middle finger salute to the fans~
Smith: And there she is, Hood. The reigning Newcomer of the Month…a future OCW star
Hood: If she wins tonight…she’s already a star in my eyes…along with all of her tattoos
Smith: A win tonight would be huge for The Rebel…but it won’t be easy. Bob Grenier is one of the best we’ve ever seen compete inside an OCW ring.
Hood: Fuck yea he is
~”Where the Hood at” by DMX hits…the crowd goes CRAZY. They leap to their feet in anticipation of Bob Grenier. Grenier emerges from behind the curtain. He stops and glares down the ramp way at Rhodes. The fans start to boo when they see Bob is wearing a shirt featuring THE MAPLE LEAF~
Smith: BOB? It’s a Fourth of July Massacre…what’s he doing?
Hood: Fucking canucks
~Bob ignores the fans and marches down the ring. We see a slight limp – could it be an injured back from Melinda’s Rebel Death Lock? We can only guess until we get clarification. Anyway, Bob enters into the ring and he looks out to the crowd. They continue to boo. Bob reaches up, he grabs the collar of his shirt and rips it down the middle to reveal the AMERICAN FLAG!! The crowd erupts with a thunderous applause. We see Rhodes roll her eyes and shake her head, finding Bob’s pandering to be nauseating~
Smith: Yea! USA! Way to go, Bob!
Hood: Geezus, what a fucking clown
Belvedere: And, her opponent…from Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…he is an OCW Hall of Famer…he is…Bob Grenier!!!
~The crowd goes wild!! Bob stands in his corner, eyeing Melinda. Belvedere exits the ring. The crowd is unusually hot for this match – they remember last week’s incredible bout. Scruff stands in the middle of the ring. Bob approaches. Melinda doesn’t back down – approaching as well. Grenier spits a giant loogie at Rhodes. She manages to narrowly avert the icky ball of goo. But it pisses her off. She charges forward…Scruff stays in the middle. Grenier laughs and turns his back to Mel. He reaches his corner…Rhodes finally backs away and yells at Scruff to call for the bell. Scruff does and the crowd cheers. Rhodes charges at Grenier with all the anger and fury she can muster~
Smith: She’s out to kill Bob…and I don’t think I’m joking when I say that
Hood: Yea well she’s all business and Bob is all fuckin and tokin so…clash of ideologies
Smith: I fear Bob might be taking her too lightly…which would be insane when you consider last week’s encounter
Hood: Who knows…Bob may have smoked so many bowls between now and then that he forgot last week’s match entirely
~Rhodes unleashes a pent up fury of anger and frustration on Bob! She drills him in the back with right and left forearm strikes. Bob turns around, looking stunned. Melinda boxes his head around like it’s a damn speed ball. Grenier, close to being knocked out, reaches out and grabs Melinda, bringing her in close. Rhodes responds by biting him on the arm!! Grenier’s eyes widen. He shoves Melinda away. She charges forward with a superman punch…Bob darts out of the corner. Rhodes misses, but remains unharmed. She turns, spotting Bob who is leaning against the ropes, rubbing his jaw. He looks like a man who has no idea what hit him~
Smith: Bob had better wake up if he wants to remain competitive in this match
Hood: No shit…guy’s probably been backstage fucking around all night while Rebel Rhodes has thought of nothing BUT this rematch
Smith: From what I understand she’s been obsessing over this match...she feels disrespected by Bob
Hood: Yea, well, I can see that. Bob is Bob, after all
~Rhodes goes right back after Bob…Grenier backs up into a corner, with his hands out…he’s still trying to catch up to Melinda’s speed. Melinda drills Bob with a gut punch. She follows that up with a left jab. Bob straightens up, looking a bit woozy. He shakes off the uncertainty and dives forward with a head butt! There is a loud THUD. Rhodes pauses…she stumbles backward. Bob leans against the buckles, grabbing for the top of his scarred head. It’s all red and irritated. Rhodes falls to one knee…she stares at the mat with sort of a faraway glance. The crowd cringes…the noise of the skull on skull contact echoed throughout the arena~
Smith: Sickening…that move should be outlawed
Hood: Meh, they’d still do it
Smith: Even if it’s outlawed?
Hood: You’re telling me people don’t choke each other…kick one another in the dick?
Smith: Okay, you have a point. But, at least it’d reduce the number of times that horrifying move is utilized
Hood: Sounds like some WEAK ASS BOOKING to me
~Bob gets his vision straight and charges forward. He drills Mel with a knee into the face!! Rhodes flips over her head, coming to rest front first on the canvas. Bob, again, leans into the ropes…still dazed by the initial flurry of punches delivered by Rhodes~
Smith: Bob has managed to stabilize Melinda…the only question is…can he remain in control long enough to keep her down
Hood: Oh yea, she’s done. I mean, look at her…practically napping on the mat
Smith: She just got kneed in the face!
Hood: Excuses are for losers, Smith
~Grenier straightens up and heads over toward Rebel. He hooks her around the waist and yanks her off the mat. He’s attempting a deadlift German Suplex. Rhodes is halfway up when she throws her head back, smacking Bob in the face! Bob drops Melinda, who lands on all fours. Grenier stumbles into the ropes. The Rebel pops to her feet and sprints toward the opposite ropes…she bounces off and leaps through the air at Bob with a crossbody!! The move sends both competitors over the top rope, tumbling to the outside! The fans at ringside go crazy~
Smith: She’s possessed! She’s going to do whatever it takes to put Grenier down
Hood: Man, I feel sorry for any man who stood that woman up
Smith: I doubt it happened often
~The thick body of Grenier helps brace Melinda’s fall. She’s back on her feet quickly. She mounts Grenier and pounds away at his head with lefts and rights. Scruff watches from inside the ring, hesitating on issuing the standard ten count~
Smith: What is he waiting on?
Hood: It’s Scruff, man. He’s probably got an optimal view down the back of Melinda’s pants
Smith: Well he’d better avert those lecherous eyes…if he wants to keep them
Hood: Shit, like Melinda would even notice…she’s too busy trying to MURDER Bob
~Rhodes pauses. She looks at her crimson covered right fist. The crowd at ringside notices it as well. We get a look at Bob’s scarred forehead – it’s gashed open. He rolls to his side, holding his head. Melinda’s mount has eased up as she takes the briefest of moments to inspect the blood on her knuckles. She tries to get Bob onto his back again…but Grenier is able to roll onto his knees. Melinda is now straddling his back…she uses her hands to pry and rip at Bob’s face. Grenier yells out in pain. Scruff finally starts to count~
Smith: Uh oh…this is beginning to get nasty
Hood: And Scruff is finally counting…I think he realized what would happen if Melinda caught him staring at her ass
Smith: We saw Bob head butt Melinda earlier…it strained the already weakened skin lining his forehead…now, well, now it’s broken
Hood: WEAK ASS SKIN
~Melinda relents upon hearing Scruff reach “FIVE”. She stands and gives a modified curb stomp to the back of Bob’s head before rolling into the ring. Scruff yells “SIX”~
Smith: This isn’t looking good…Bob might be out and he only has four seconds to keep from being counted out
Hood: Bob might drown in his own blood!
Smith: Oh gosh, I hope not!
Hood: I mean, probably not…you know a guy like Bob has puked in his sleep several times…so he’s probably well aware of how to avoid asphyxia
~Scruff yells “SEVEN”. Melinda paces around the ring…she doesn’t seem content. She reaches the ropes and looks down. Scruff yells “EIGHT”. Bob rolls over and looks up at Melinda, blood covering various portions of his face. He starts to laugh and flips her the bird. Melinda’s jaw clenches…she hops through the ropes. Scruff yells “NINE”. Melinda picks Bob up and rolls him back into the ring…she slides in right before the ten count~
Smith: Rhodes had the count out…but she wants more
Hood: Bob was sending her a message…OCW style
Smith: And what message is that?
Hood: Count out wins are for pussies
~Melinda goes after the middle finger on Bob’s right hand. She snatches it before Bob can realize and react to what’s happening. She bends back…Grenier yells out. Scruff gets into position to see Grenier will submit. But Bob yells “FUCK NO”. So, Scruff stands back up and observes the situation. Melinda has the finger back pretty far before applying that extra amount of pressure…the finger snaps!! Grenier yells in a higher pitch than we’ve ever heard burst from his smoke ravaged lungs. He rolls around, kicking his legs while holding his finger. The crowd boos…Melinda looks down at Bob, still angry~
Smith: I think she’s looking to break more off than Bob’s finger
Hood: She wants to break a foot off in his Canadian ask…which is risky
Smith: I’d say so
Hood: Bob’s ass has got to be chemically unbalanced…toxic, even!
~She doesn’t give Bob much time to recover…snaring Bob by his greasy hair. She drags him near the center of the ring. Bob is on all fours…Rhodes yanks on Bob’s hair, getting him to a standing position. She spins around, looking for a roaring forearm…Grenier blocks it! He lunges forward with a headbutt into the chin of Rhodes!!! The black hair of Melinda flies around…she staggers into the ropes, falling through them and landing on the apron. Bob drops to a knee, holding his injured hand. Blood drips from his forehead, to the mat~
Smith: Bob doing whatever he can to survive…he wasn’t prepared for this.
Hood: Fucking guy ran his mouth a little too much
Smith: He attempted to verbally eviscerated Rhodes…and, well, Rhodes is now responding physically
~Rhodes gets to her feet, trying to clear her head after the blunt impact of Bob’s CANADIAN forehead. We see blood staining her chin and neck from the headbutt. Grenier stands and fires up…his finger is bent and broken. He’s fighting through the pain! He charges at Rhodes…Melinda sees him coming (probably heard the CANADIAN ROAR)…she drops down, holding onto the top rope!! Grenier flips over and lands with a thud on the outside floor~
Smith: Dangit! I thought he had something going there
Hood: Broken finger, bloody forehead and a damaged brain…life isn’t looking good for Bob Grenier
Smith: Damaged Brain? There’s no evidence of that
Hood: haha…seriously?
~Somehow, Grenier is back on his feet…reflex? Instincts? Who are we to judge! He stumbles around…Rhodes gets to her feet…she leaps off the apron with a Thesz Press, taking Grenier down!! The back of his head smacks against the floor! She unloads with more right and lefts into the injured forehead of the OCW legend. The fans at ringside boo her vociferously. Scruff starts to count, looking concerned~
Smith: She might murder Bob
Hood: YOU CAN’T KILL A GRENIER
Smith: Then how did that cemetery with all those Grenier’s come about?
Hood: Well, I mean they chose to die…they certainly weren’t killed
~Scruff yells “SIX!” Rhodes stands and contemplates getting in the ring…she, however, is too blinded by rage geared in Bob’s direction. She grabs his legs and hooks the Rebel Death Lock!! She turns Bob over and cranks back!! Scruff, looking nervous, yells “SEVEN!” The fans at ringside booo!! Bob is tapping against the outside floor…but it isn’t recognized~
Smith: You can’t end a match via tap out OUTSIDE of the ring
Hood: Bob’s had enough
Smith: I agree…we need to stop this match
Hood: Well assuming Scruff can count to ten, it’s almost over
~Scruff yells ‘EIGHT!’ He’s getting antsy. He yells ‘NINE!’ Rhodes continues to crank back…Grenier has stopped tapping. He’s clearly done. His body is about to go limp. Scruff flies out of the ring, ending his count~
Smith: What is Scruff doing?!
Hood: Bob is his friend, Smith. Homeless people, ya know they tend to stick together
Smith: So…end the match with the count out
Hood: A double count out? Fuck that shit
~Scruff taps Melinda on the shoulder. He yells at her to release the hold…but she won’t do it. She cranks back further and further. Scruff checks on Bob…his eyes are shut, his head rests within a thickening pool of his own blood and saliva. Scruff stands in front of Melinda. He warns her. She’s not listening…she’s trying to cripple Bob. Finally, Scruff turn and he calls for the bell~
Smith: What is this…a disqualification?
Hood: Looks that way…what a fucking screwjob!
Smith: Well she was breaking the rules
Hood: Shit should have been a double count out
~Melinda continues to torture an already finished Bob. The bell rings~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…I’m being told that this match has ended via disqualification…therefore…your winner….BOB GRENIER!!!!!
~THIS wakes Melinda up. She turns and locates Scruff. She releases the hold and starts to stalk him. Scruff slides into the ring, scared to death~
Smith: Melinda is not happy about this
Hood: Well Scruff fucked her, Smith. He sided with his buddy Bob and called for the bell…it’s bullshit
Smith: Oh so let’s just ignore the fact she was cheating
Hood: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DOUBLE COUNT OUT
~Rhodes continues to go after Scruff. She climbs onto the apron and steps through the ropes…Scruff flies through the ropes, back outside, near the ramp. Melinda finally speeds up, giving chase. She hops through the ropes and runs after Scruff, snaring him by the collar halfway up the ramp. Some security rushes down. Melinda yells at them~
Smith: We can’t let her hurt Scruff…he’s the only ref we’ve got that I trust to handle tonight’s main event!
Hood: A fucking sad state of affairs
~Melinda gets into a shoving match with some security. In the hullabaloo Scruff is able to tear away and run up the ramp, through the curtain. Melinda begins dropping security members with Shot in the Dark!! The crowd boos. She lays out all four of them. They are scattered around the ramp, unconscious. More security rushes down to the ring~
Smith: Security is out in full force right now
Hood: Trying to keep her from further fucking up Bob
Smith: Indeed
~Melinda sees the increase in manpower…there are at least a dozen security members between her and the ring, acting as a human shield. She smiles, throws her hands at them and turns around, heading back up the ramp to a chorus of boos. We cut to Bob…a security member has rolled him onto his back. He’s still unconscious…his face is covered with blood~
Smith: This was not a good evening for Bob Grenier
Hood: Nope, he got his ass kicked, basically
Smith: Indeed…I don’t know what to say other than Melinda Rhodes is a vile, wicked woman
Hood: Oh and Bob is a fucking saint?
Smith: I’m not saying that either…there is just no cause for this sort of behavior!
~The Rebel sports a slight limp as she steps through those curtains into the Gorilla position. Oddly, aside from the crowd noise out in the arena, it's rather quite as she passes through into the hallway, not a soul in sight. She stands there, puzzled for a moment until....~
*CLACKT!!!*
~...A CHAIR SMASHES ACROSS THE BACK OF HER HEAD, DROPPING HER STRAIGHT TO THE FLOOR! The holder of that chair is a rather smug looking Julliet Brooks, grinning ear to ear.~
Julliet Brooks: You think you can just lay hands on ME like you did last week?!
~Slowly the Rebel pushes up with a pained, angry growl that at first seems to startle Juliet. She then turns and delivers a second chair shot to the Rebel's back, driving her right back down~
*FWHACKT!*
Julliet Brooks: STAY DOWN, PINCHE COÑO!!!
~Melinda doesn't and pushes up yet again....~
Rebel: FUCK YOU!!!
*FWHACKT! FWHACKT! FWHACKT! FWHACKT! FWHACKT! FWHACKT!*
~...The Rebel pushes up and keeps getting struck down by chair shot after chair shot! Julliet roaring at her until finally delivering one powerful shot to the skull that warps the chair and knocks the Rebel unconscious!~
*FFFWWWWHHHHHAAAAACCCLLLLAAAAAAACCCCCKKTTTT!!!!*
Julliet Brooks: *panting and trembling with adrenaline* No.... FFFFFUCK YOU, RHODES! Get in my face again and see what happens when you mess with Mexico's Finest and the greatest thing to happen to OCW since EVER!!!
~The Rebel stirs only slightly, prompting Julliet to throw the severely dented chair down on the Rebel. Julliet storms off with a swagger in her step as the camera zooms in on Melinda Rhodes. It's then that we notice a small trickle of blood from the back of her head running down the side of her face, indicating that some potentially serious damage had been done....we cut back to the announce team~
Smith: A vicious attack by Brooks. She had a tough match earlier...suffered a tough loss and, well, I guess the frustration was too much
Hood: What a sore loser! So Melinda goes out there and looks like a million bucks prompting Brooks to lay her out? Yea, fuck her!
Smith: Rhodes is the antagonist in all of this, Hood. Let's not forget that. She's been pushing buttons and crossing lines since she joined...I mean look...look at Bob!
~We see Bob being wheeled on a stretcher to the back by a team led by THE KNIFE MAN~
Smith: Bob could be seriously injured. Brooks is merely sticking up for what is right
Hood: Rhodes is a future star, Smith. The quicker Brooks gets out of her way...the faster Rhdoes will rise to her proper position
Smith: We see Rhodes very differently. But I think we have the same hope...a Rhodes/Brooks match
Hood: Hell yea, let Rhodes waste that bitch!
Smith: Nope, I want to see Brooks beat some respect into Melinda Rhodes
~We cut to the office of Marcus Welsh. We see the official contract for an OCEANIC Title match on his desk. He shakes his head, looking at the screen. Knux is standing behind him~
Marcus Welsh: What a fucking mess…Grenier is fucked. No way he can compete next week in the Process of Elimination match. No way. So I’ve got a gaping hole in my marquee match next week AND a stupid ass Oceanic Title floating around. 2018 sucks.
~Welsh leans back, frustrated. He sees the fresh application belonging to the newly freed Iggy Hardy~
Marcus Welsh: Normally I wouldn’t entertain the notion of offering such a high profile spot to a felon but…this is OCW. Knux…get me Treat Cassidy!
~We cut away~
~Chad Vargas throws his arms back and forth in his dressing room, stretching out and getting limbered up for his match moments away. He takes a breath, walks to the door, and walks out. He stops as he sees Mack O'Connor just a few feet away, leaning on both his cane and the wall. Mack's free hand holds a flask~
Vargas: Well... Look what the fuckin' devil dragged in.
~Mack doesn't reply, simply taking a swig from his flask~
Vargas: What the fuck do you want, Mack? We got a problem?
~Mack steps forward. He holds his weight on his good leg, then shoves the head of his cane into the chest of Vargas~
Mack: We do. We have unfinished business, Vargas.
~Vargas pushes his chest back against the cane, not intimidated in the least~
Vargas: You wanna do this now?
~Mack gives a slight smirk~
Mack: No. You got shit to take care of tonight. I'm not one to interfere. But soon... Me and you will...
Vargas: What? Have another picnic?
Mack: That was Treat's idea, God dammit!
~They both get uncomfortably silent~
Vargas: Go fuck yourself, Mack.
Mack: Same to you.
~Vargas walks towards the stage, and Mack limps in the opposite direction. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Unfinished business is putting it nicely...a war is going to take place between those two
Hood: Mack should consider himself lucky Chad left him with one good leg. If he tries to seek revenge...Vargas might just go ahead and remove the remaining, usable leg
Smith: Oh I don't know about that...give Mack a heads up that Vargas is coming and the result could be vastly different.
Hood: FAKE NEWS
Smith: Yea, nice rebuttal there smart guy...anyway...it's time for our main event...the Craze Champion is in action and that match is NEXT!
Main Event
Non-Title Match
Ed Houston © (22 pts) vs. “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas (35.9 pts)
~The crowd is ready for the main event! They’ve been enjoying a wild night of drinking and wrestling but now…now it’s time for the marquee match. They sit and eagerly await the golden vocal chords of Belvedere~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time for our Main Event of the evening!!!
~The crowd goes wild. A few women AND men lose their virginity~
Belvedere: This match is a Non-Title match schedule for one fall…
~"Needle and the Spoon" by Lynyrd Skynyrd hits. The crowd instantly boos. Vargas emerges from behind the curtain carrying a flag. The crowd perks up…they start to turn…they begin to cheer the man and his patriotism~
Smith: Say what you will about Vargas and, trust me, there’s a lot that can be said…but the man is a patriot!
Hood: I think his ancestor was Mel Gibson from THE Patriot
Smith: Don’t get me started on that wildly inaccurate portrayal of the war for independence!
~Vargas unfurls the flag and holds up the CONFEDERATE FLAG!! The crowd BOOOOS the ever living shit out of Vargas. He yells out “YEA THIS IS AMERICA! LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!” He marches down to the ring displaying the offensive image. Fans try to jump the railing to get after him but OCW security (wisely anticipating such a scenario) are lining the ramp way to prevent any attempted murder. Vargas marches up the steps and into the ring…he parades around with the Confederate Flag flying high~
Belvedere: Introducing first…from Everclear County, Tennessee…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 240lbs…he is the #1 Contender to the OCW Championship…he is… “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas!!!
~Chad’s music ends and the crowd continues to boo. You’d think they’d need to stop for air or something but, nope, they just boo and boo and boo and boo until…finally “Rocket Man” fills the arena. They cease their booing and start to cheer the biggest hero in Key West on this particular evening – Ed Houston~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Miami, Florida…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 175lbs…he is the OCW Craze Champion…he is…Ed Houston!!!!
~Ed emerges from behind the curtain with his Craze Championship fastened securely around his waist. He sprints down the ramp and slides into the ring. Vargas turns around, holding his Confederate flag high. Ed pops to his feet and removes his belt…he holds it as high as he can…the crowd chants ‘Yes!’ Vargas shakes his Confederate Flag in response…the crowd yells “FUCK NO!” They go back and forth like this while Belvedere makes his exit~
Smith: Chad Vargas doing his best to incite a riot here, tonight in Key West
Hood: He’s just reminding everyone of our past! Something he’s proud of, Smith
Smith: And that’s precisely the reason these fans are so upset!
~Houston hands his belt to Scruff. He tells Vargas to ‘get that out of the ring’. Vargas cocks a half smile and replies with “Boy, you just don’t get it.” He turns and drapes the Confederate Flag over the corner post belonging to his corner. Ed stands in his corner, ready for action. Scruff hands the Craze Title to Belvedere who takes it with him to his seat. The bell sounds~
Smith: Can Ed Houston hang with Chad Vargas?
Hood: If we’re talking from the monkey bars, probably. If we’re talking in ring ability…hell no
Smith: I think you might be selling Ed short
Hood: You’re trying to trick me into a joke about Ed’s height aren’t ya
~Houston charges forward. Chad is still messing with the Confederate Flag. He turns around upon hearing footsteps. As he does, he’s met with right hands by Ed!! The crowd goes wild! Ed peppers Vargas with right hand after right hand after right hand!! Vargas is reeling in his corner…Houston shoots him out…Vargas sprints across the ring and rungs front first into the opposite corner. He stumbles backward…Houston sprints for the ropes…he bounces off and DRILLS Vargas with a lariat!! Vargas slams into the mat! An “ED” chant fills the OCW Arena. Houston smiles into the camera before turning and pointing at the Confederate Flag. The fans chant “FUCK IT UP, ED…FUCK IT UP!”~
Smith: Yes, please Ed…get rid of that thing!
Hood: It’s a national symbol!
Smith: National? Hardly
Hood: Okay…semi-national…or, well southern…or well it’s a symbol representing Vargasland…but, still, it means something to someone
~Ed hustles into Chad’s corner. He reaches for the Confederate Flag. Vargas gets to his feet…his SOUTHERN instincts tell him the Confederate Flag is in trouble. He charges forward and splashes Ed into the corner!! The flag remains harmlessly in place. Vargas hooks Ed from behind and tosses him onto his head with a Tiger Suplex!!! Ed is laid out while Vargas remains seated, facing his corner. The crowd boos~
Smith: Okay, perhaps destroying that horrific symbol was a bad idea…it cost Ed all his early momentum
Hood: Ya think? Guy can’t beat Vargas when he’s 100% focused…take away some of that 100% and, well, Vargas might win this thing without breaking a sweat
Smith: It won’t be THAT easy
Hood: You want to bet?
~Vargas returns to his feet. Ed is sitting up. Vargas charges forward and stomps his foot into Ed’s chest, planting him back onto the mat. Vargas stands over Ed and places a few vicious kicks into the chest and stomach of the Craze Champion. Vargas yanks Ed up and whips him into a corner…Houston slams hard. Vargas charges in with a forearm uppercut!! The impact nearly sends Ed out of the ring. Vargas whips Ed across the ring into the opposite turnbuckle…Ed hits hard, his legs fly up into the air before coming back to rest on the mat. Vargas charges in for another forearm uppercut. Houston tucks and performs and front roll. Vargas rams chest first into the top buckle!! Ed rolls him up! But he doesn’t hold on for the pin. Instead, he gets to his feet and hops onto the middle buckle…he leaps off, into the air and comes crashing down with a double foot stomp into Chad’s chest!! The fans pop to their feet, cheering Ed on! Vargas coughs and rolls over, holding his chest in pain~
Smith: What quickness by Ed Houston!! The Confederate Icon CANNOT afford to turn this into a game of speed…he will lose
Hood: Not like he was trying to race the fucking guy…he just whipped him across the ring
Smith: Played into Ed’s strength
Hood: What…being slammed into buckles? I guess that makes sense…shitty pilots crash and burn often…guess Ed has become immune to the pain.
~Houston is on his feet, feeling the energy from the crowd. He has his fists clenched. Vargas staggers to his feet, dazed. Ed charges forward and smacks Vargas in the jaw with a right hand. Vargas stumbles into the ropes. Houston backs up and sprints forward…Vargas ducks and lifts Ed up and over the top rope…Ed lands on his feet atop the apron. He looks out to the crowd, they cheer his agility. His moment is short lived thanks to a sharp back elbow from Vargas which sends Ed flying off the apron and into the barricade~
Smith: Ugh…every time Ed gets some momentum Vargas is able to stop him
Hood: That’s because Ed is like a bird
Smith: He is graceful, yes
Hood: And Vargas is a thick window
Smith: I hate that analogy
~Vargas steps through the ropes and onto the apron. Ed is leaning against the barricade. Vargas jumps off and hits Houston with a double axe handle!! Ed falls to one knee. Vargas lifts his knee into Ed’s face…Houston’s body jerks backward…he finds himself on his back, wedged between Vargas and the barricade. Chad takes his boot…he places it into Ed’s ribcage and applies as much pressure as he can~
Smith: He’s going to break his ribs! Scruff, do something!
Hood: Well his ribs shouldn’t be so weak if they break that easily
Smith: He’s got a title to defend…c’mon!
Hood: Not anymore…I say we strip him of the title and give it to Vargas!
~Vargas drops to his knees and begins to choke Ed out. Houston tries to pry Chad’s hands away but Vargas is too strong. Houston’s legs kick as he is in obvious discomfort. The crowd boos. Scruff begins to count. Vargas listens in on the count. Scruff gets to ‘SEVEN’ and Vargas lets go. Houston appears to be near unconscious. Vargas backs up and rolls into the ring. Scruff yells ‘EIGHT’~
Smith: C’mon, Ed!
Hood: A count out? Seriously?
Smith: They do happen every once in a while, Hood
Hood: We had one last year…that satisfied out decade quota!
~Ed struggles to his feet. He falls to one knee. Scruff yells ‘NINE!’ The crowd is SCREAMING at Houston. He gets to his feet and staggers…Scruff has his hands down. He extends ten fingers, pointed toward the mat. He gets ready to count. Houston leaps forward and slides in under the bottom rope just before ten…the fans sigh with relief. No such relief is afforded Ed as Vargas stomps on him the minute the count is broken~
Smith: So glad this will continue
Hood: Oh so you like watching Ed get his ass kicked
Smith: That’s not what I meant and you know it
Hood: Guy should have just taken the count out…spared some form of dignity
~Chad yanks Ed by the hair and whips him into a corner. It’s the corner featuring the Confederate Flag. Ed slams back first. Vargas starts to charge…Houston lifts his legs…Chad stops, anticipating the legs…he grabs Houston’s legs and lifts up…Ed finds himself sitting on the top buckle. He kicks Vargas away. Chad charges forward…Ed throws a knee into Chad’s face!! Chad stumbles. Houston places both feet around Chad’s head and he pulls Vargas forward…Vargas runs face first into the top buckle. Houston begins to stomp his feet into Chad’s back…the #1 Contender slowly crumbles…he eventually falls to both knees with the crowd cheering Ed’s stomps. Houston finally stops and leans back, to rest~
Smith: Some nice footwork there by Ed Hosuton!
Hood: Guy must really be enjoying all this World Cup bullshit
Smith: You are ignorant if you act dismissively toward such an event
Hood: IT’S FUCKING GAY
~Upon leaning back, Ed feels some type of cloth. He reaches over and finds The Confederate Flag!! Ed yanks it off the post and holds it high in the air…the fans BOOOO. Ed hops off the corner, clearing Vargas and he lands near the center of the ring. He twists the flag up…stalks Vargas, reaches forward and wraps the flag around Chad’s throat!! The crowd goes wild!! Even Scruff seems to have a smug sense of approval draped over his usually confused face. The fans chant “CHOKE HIM OUT” Ed seems to be doing his best~
Smith: Welcome to the confederacy, Chad! How do you like it now!
Hood: He’s clearly cheating! Not to mention defacing one of Chad’s personal items
Smith: He’s simply doing what good people do…bringing justice!
Hood: The fuck are you talking about…how is this justice?
Smith: If you don’t know by now then there’s no sense in me explaining it to you
~Scruff finally steps in to do his job WEAK ASS REF. Houston removes the confederate flag from around Chad’s face and stands…the flag is still all wound up. Vargas coughs and gets to his feet…Ed charges forward and clotheslines Chad with the flag!! Chad hits the mat…he gets right back up and is clotheslined once more! He gets back up…the process is repeated two more times before Chad finally rolls out of the ring, onto the apron. He stands, turning his back to the ring. Houston takes the flag and he snaps it…whipping the SHIT out of Chad’s leg!! Chad yells and turns around, pissed…he eats a SUPERKICK from Ed! He flies off the apron landing ribs first onto the barricade. The crowd goes wild with “HOUSTON” chants filling up the arena~
Smith: Ed is whipping the #1 Contender with his Confederate Flag! This is tremendous!
Hood: This is heresy…right?
Smith: Only if you consider the confederacy to be some form of religion
Hood: Oh, I take that back
~Ed retains control of the flag. He runs into the ropes. Vargas stands up, no longer leaning against the barricade. Houston shoots off the ropes and sprints toward the side nearest Chad. He leaps into the air, balances on the top rope and springboards off with a Shooting Star Press!!! He soars through the air with the Confederate Flag flying alongside…the fans aren’t sure what to think of this imagery…Ed connects!!! Both men crash into the barricade with Vargas hitting first and hardest! The barricade bends, nearly breaking. Ed stumbles to his feet, holding his midsection in pain…he raises his hand high in the air to a raucous ovation…he then realizes the Confederate Flag is still in THAT hand~
Smith: Ed is on FIRE
Hood: Hey, don’t say fire that loud when Ed’s carrying around a flag
Smith: I wouldn’t mind an impromptu 4th of July ringside fire
Hood: It starts with burning flags…then it becomes books…after that it’s homeless people and adulteresses…is that what you want, Smith? IS IT? DO YOU WANT ALICE KNIGHT TO BE BURNED AT THE STAKE?
Smith: That escalated rather quickly
~Ed opens the Confederate Flag all the way, holding it horizontally. He leans in and bites at the top of the fabric. He takes his two hands and rips the flag right down the middle! The crowd goes wild! “USA! USA!” they chant. A few African American men at ringside lean over and pat Ed on the back. Some Hispanics nearby give him a thumbs up. A few women a two rows back flash Ed their boobs with much appreciation. Two slender, neat fellows in rainbow shirts wink at Ed with glee. Houston blushes. He continues to take in all this appreciation while Vargas looks over, realizing what’s happened~
Smith: Ed is bringing happiness to the OCW audience…what a moment! What a fourth of July moment!
Hood: Pandering to the people, as always
Smith: This great country was colonized for the prosperity of all walks of life…not just white men in white sheets!
Hood: Did they eat white bread, too?
Smith: Probably
Hood: Gross
~Vargas sees his beloved Confederate Flag torn in half. His eyes become filled with CONFEDERATE RAGE!! He rushes at Houston. Ed, surprised by Chad’s quick recovery, isn’t ready…he is taken down!! Vargas unloads right hands into the head of Houston. Ed tries to block them. A white cloth floats near Chad…it’s a white hood (WTF). Chad looks around…as do all the fans to see he tossed it…but the person is not owning up. Although a man wearing a NASCAR hat, Crimson Tide shirt, dirty jeans, and featuring a mouth ful of chewing tobacco seems the obvious subject. Regardless, he is not persecuted without hard evidence. Chad takes the hood and covers Ed’s face with it, trying to smother him. Ed kicks his legs around, struggling~
Smith: Who threw that?! WHO THREW THAT
Hood: Clayton Bigsby?
Smith: The famous white supremacist author?
Hood: Well, yea…as he was once known
Smith: A despicable man
Hood: He’s not quite as popular these days
Smith: Well I for one am glad to hear it!
~Ed kicks Vargas off him…he grabs the hood and spits on it, throwing it into the crowd. The fans fight for it, ripping it to shreds. Houston grabs Vargas by the hair and goes to whip him into the apron…Chad reverses it right into The Stroke!!! All the wild fans at ringside freeze…they are stunned. Ed is out. Vargas sits up, taking a breath~
Smith: Oh my! That came out of nowhere!
Hood: Greatest finisher in OCW…well, Ego Trip is up there as well
Smith: Two highly effective finishers that have helped propel both men into the main event
Hood: A main eventer has to have an impactful finisher
~Vargas, having finally settled things down a bit, gets to his feet. Scruff hasn’t started a count – he’s really failing at his job right now. Vargas picks Ed up and rolls him into the ring. Chad slides in and goes for a nonchalant, sloppy cover~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: Ed kicked out of The Stroke!
Hood: Hey…quiet down with that shit, man. The Stroke was suffered like a minute ago
Smith: A MINUTE? Try ten seconds, MAYBE twenty
Hood: Alright, I’ll meet in the middle and say fifty nine seconds
Smith: You’re insane
~Vargas grabs Scruff by the collar, holding up three fingers. He’s irate. Houston sits up and rolls to his side…he gets to all fours before climbing to one knee. Vargas continues berating Scruff. Houston gets to his feet and staggers. He approaches Vargas from behind. Chad lets go of Scruff and turns around, wrapping his hand around Ed’s throat. The crowd boos. He begins talking trash to the Craze Champion while squeezing and squeezing and squeezing. Ed suddenly unleashes a kick into Chad’s gut! Chad releases the grip and Ed drops him head first into the mat with an Evenflow DDT!!! The crowd gets rowdy once again~
Smith: What a move! Come on, Ed!
Hood: Seriously? We’re going to let the CRAZE champion defeat our #1 Contender?
Smith: If he wins, he wins, Hood…no favoritism shown in OCW
Hood: And that’s exactly why WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS
~Ed pops back to his feet and he hustles over, grabbing Chad’s leg and looking to hook in an ankle lock~
Smith: We haven’t seen this from Ed often…but it’s his submission finisher…an ankle lock he calls Countdown!
Hood: Gonna try and cripple our #1 Contender…WHAT A GUY
~Vargas fights to stay on his back, knowing if he’s flipped over he’s going to be in real trouble. He bends his knees and kicks Ed off! Ed stumbles back into a corner. Vargas nips up! The crowd is surprised by his athleticism. He charges in at Ed but is met with another SUPERKICK!!! Vargas goes stiff and falls onto his back. Ed, standing in the corner, looks out to the crowd…they chant ‘YES!’ He begins to climb~
Smith: Oh my gosh! He could win it right here!
Hood: Crash and burn, kid…CRASH AND BURN
Smith: We could be seeing the RISE of Ed Houston!
~Ed reaches the top…Chad is on his back, he hasn’t moved. Ed leaps off with Blastoff!! Vargas rolls out of the way!! Ed manages to land on one knee…unharmed. He pops back to his feet. Vargas stumbles to his. Ed runs right into an elbow. Vargas snares a stunned Ed and looks for The Stroke! Ed elbows Vargas away. Vargas is stunned. Ed throws a stiff side kick into Chad’s chest. Chad stands upright. Ed hits the ropes…he comes off and looks to his a Slingblade!! Vargas blocks it! He snares Ed mid move and drops him with The Stroke!!! Vargas flips Ed over for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…“THE CONFEDERATE ICON” CHAD VARGAS!!!!!
Smith: Gutted…so heart breaking!
Hood: The south has risen!
Smith: This was Ed’s match…all the way! That dang Stroke!
Hood: Greatest finisher in wrestling!
Smith: It is effective...I'll give him that. Well folks...we're just about out of time tonight...we hope you enjoyed this fourth of July episode of Massacre! Enjoy the holiday week and stay safe!
Hood: Drink a beer and fuck a decently attractive broad for your pal, Hood!
Smith: For Hood, I'm Smith saying...so long!
~We cut outside the arena. We see the back of a HUMAN FLESH JACKET. It’s draped over the upper body of a crestfallen Tommy Crimson. He heads toward what we assume to be his trailer. He opens the door and steps inside. He shuts the door. Time speeds up…cars leave the parking lot. Soon, the only vehicle remaining is Crimson’s trailer. A spark is seen coming from inside. A flame bursts from underneath…soon, the entire thing is in flames!! We speed up again, watching it burn to the ground…the sun rises. The trailer has been burned to the ground…nothing but ashes remain. Some OCW personnel appear, sifting through it~
OCW Personnel: What happened?
OCW Personnel 2: I don’t’ know, looks like this old thing caught fire last night…thankfully it appears to have been empty
OCW Personnel: Hold on…I think I found something…oh no...
~We fade to black~