OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, May 28th 2018
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
~A marathon of war movies reaches its end. The TV-MA logo appears accompanied by the ‘For Mature Audiences Only’ disclaimer. We open to a frenzied OCW Arena. Smith and Hood are shown immediately. There are no signs this week. The fans are chanting “USA! USA!” Smith looks around as a proud American~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre! I’m your host Smith and alongside me, as always, is Hood.
Hood: Yo
Smith: On behalf of everyone in OCW I’d like to wish all of you a very happy Memorial Day. And, to celebrate this important holiday Hood has a special video package
Hood: That’s right…it’s Memorial Day, one of my favorite holidays
Smith: I’m so proud of you, Hood. Now, let’s air this package to honor everyone out there for whom this holiday was designed to honor.
~Generic emotional music plays. The color turns to black and white. We get slow motion shots of several iconic moments. First we get Darth Vader chopping off Luke Skywalker’s hand. Then we get Scar killing Mufasa. Next we get Wilson the volleyball floating away from Tom Hanks. After that we are shown the torture scene from Reservoir Dogs. Next up is Michael Corleone killing his brother Fredo in Godfather 2. Following that we see the tornado from Twister killing Helen Hunt’s dad. Then we get a wrestling ring. Inside it we see Matt Meyhu winning the OCW Tag Titles from the Dravers Boys. Then we cut to Matt Meyhu defeating TIO to win the OCW Title at Stainless Steel Ride. The video ends. We cut back to Smith and Hood who are live. The crowd is somewhat stunned. Smith has a ‘wtf’ look on his face. Hood is wiping tears from his eyes~
Smith: What was THAT?
Hood: It’s Memorial Day…a day where I reminisce on some of my favorite memories
Smith: That’s not what the day stands for you idiot! Do you have any idea how many people you just offended?
Hood: TIO’s family and maybe Who’Re?
Smith: An entire nation! You’re unbelievable…you’re lucky if you don’t get fired over that.
Hood: I think I’ll be okay
Smith: Ugh, I am just sickened by this. I’m sorry fans. I sincerely apologize for what we just aired. My goodness, where is the quality control?
Hood: Oh for the love of Syren…quit your bitching
Smith: Thanks for that…anyway, let’s cut backstage for some footage that was recorded earlier in the day
~The cameras cut to the front of the OCW arena. There is a large line of cars forming as one small black car tries to beep its way through traffic.
The Uber Man: “Hurry up you cretins. I have to get to work.”
~The Uber Man yells out of his car window as he delivers another beep. As the head reenters the car, the camera view shifts inside the car~
~Inside is The Uber Man, preforming his task of driving around the talent of OCW. In the back of his car is Ed Houston~
Houston: “Hey man, this whole system is awesome. It only costs me like $6 bucks too, and no parking. Hey goodluck in your match tonight against Josie Barnes.”
~The Uber Man scoffs~
The Uber Man: “I don’t need luck. If my run in the old OCW taught me anything it’s that she needs luck. Why do you think she won’t let me drive her around anyway?”
Houston: “Josie is kind of like a child attention span wise. You know she found something that got her some attention and won’t admit that she’s wrong. You know how children are, Uber.”
Uber Man: “Yeah that makes sense, my aunt used to say the same thing. Well here you are. Why are you here anyway Ed? You don’t have a match tonight.”
~Ed smiles as he exists the car~
Houston:“That’s The Rocket Man to you.”
~Houston steps out of the car with a whirl of the cape behind him and a mask in his other hand as the camera cuts away, back to the announce team~
Smith: I’m starting to wonder if Disney bought Jimmy Buffett out
Hood: Why’s that?
Smith: The emergence of superheroes
Hood: Nah, that’s definitely not the work of Disney. Sounds more like some Justice League bullshit. BOOYA
Smith: Ugh..well folks, on that note...I guess it's time we get to some more buffoonery...it's time for our opening match of the evening. Let's get down to ringside
Opening Match – Singles Match
Josie Barnes (14.3 pts) vs. The Uber Man (0 pts)
Smith: And we start the in ring action with what has become more of a feud than it should have. Josie and Uber Man have been going back and forth on our OCW message boards and social media, and finally they get to hash it out in the ring
Hood: Will Uber Man pull out the miracle of the year, or will another woman win a match in OCW?
Smith: Dude! Cut that stuff out. You're gonna make us have to sit through one of those sensitivity training classes again!
Hood: Damn! Those are Sooooo boring! Let me correct myself. Josie is a beautiful, respectable woman whom I respect and doesn't need any special treatment based on her gender.
Smith: Let's just go to Belvedere...
Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall!
Fans: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first....
~The Fighter” by In This Moment hits! The heated crowd turns around and goes wild for one of OCW’s bright, upcoming stars of 2017, Josie Barnes! The entire crowd is hued in purple due to lighting. A “PURPLE VIP” chant breaks out! Josie smiles and coquettishly makes her way down the ramp, toward the ring. She slides in, under the bottom rope, and gets to her feet and rotates both shoulders, limbering up for the match.~
Belvedere: From Lily, Georgia…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 118lbs…she is the Purple VIP…she is…Josie Barnes!!!
~A “JOSIE” chant now breaks out. Barnes smiles and acknowledges the chant, throwing both arms into the air. The music dies down and Josie stares up the ramp towards the entrance way with a vicious grin on her face. ~
Belvedere: And her opponent! His secret lair is in Rancho Cucamonga, California. Weighing at 190 pounds of justice, this is The Uber Man!!
~"Hero" by Nickleback plays as the fans boo loudly. The Uber Man comes out in his hero costume and looks distressed at the boos but shrugs and assumes a superhero pose before going to the ring.~
Smith: Some brief hostility from the fans.
Hood: Nobody likes Nickleback except this guy.
Smith: I don't know... They have one or two good songs.
Hood: Nobody intelligent that is.
~As The Uber Man makes his way to the ring, he pauses along the way to try and high-five every person in reach. Some people kind of back away, but the children find the hero amusing and return the gesture. Uber Man finally gets to the end of the ramp and looks at Josie in the ring, who is yelling at him to hurry up and get in. Uber Man starts walking towards the ring..... And then veers to the right and starts high-fiving the ring side fans. Josie is getting visibly annoyed as Uber Man makes his way all around the barricade. He is coming up to the end of the ringside barricade before he would be heading back up the ramp when he pauses and stares hard at a certain group of fans~
~Despite the mask, we can see manly tears start to glisten in his eyes and a trembling hand goes to his mouth. The camera follows Uber Man's gaze and right there in the crowd is a young boy and girl, no more than ten, dressed exactly like The Uber Man. He walks over to them and talks to who we assume are the children's parents and we seem them nod. Josie in looking confused and annoyed at this as Uber Man picks up both kids and lifts them over the barricade. The parents then pullout their phones and Uber Man and the kids strike superhero poses and the parents take pictures. The kids are about to hop back over to their seats when The Uber Man stops them. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his cellphone, an older model flip phone. He sets up the camera feature and hands the phone to the parents as Josie let's out a long groan of frustration. The parents take the picture and hand the phone back to Uber Man~
~The kids try to hop back over, but are stopped once again. Josie yells "Come On!" and Uber Man simply raises his index finger, indicating that he wants a moment. Josie is quickly going from annoyed to pissed and starts fuming in the corner. The Uber Man reaches into his pocket and pulls out stickers! The camera gets a look at them and they say "Jr. Uber Heroes!" He gives two to the kids, high-fives them one last time, and helps them back to their seats. Finally, he makes his way into the ring. The Nickleback stops, and the fans let out a huge cheer. Thinking it’s for him, The Uber Man strikes another hero pose.~
Smith: After what has to be the longest entrance in OCW history, The Uber Man finally gets into the ring.
Hood: Jesus Christ! I feel I've aged twenty years. Normally, I don't cheer for the ladies, but can Josie end this quick so we can move on to REAL matches?
Smith: Hey, watch it! After your women remark last week, H.R. gave BOTH of us with a verbal warning. Knock it off!
~ The Uber Man is standing in the opposite corner of Josie, who is literally bouncing from foot to foot, eager for the bell to ring. Scruff goes to Josie and quickly checks her for weapons. All clean. He goes to Uber Man, but is stopped by the hero holding out his hands. Scruff looks confused as Uber Man starts to stretch and get limbered up. Josie let's out a frustrated scream as the fans start a "We Want A Fucking Match" chant. Hearing the foul language, Uber Man exits the ring to the boos of the fans and goes toward his Jr. Heroes. He points them out and scolds the crowd for using bad words in front of the children. The chant gets louder as Uber Man sadly shakes his head in defeat, realizing he is fighting a losing battle. He makes his way back to the ring as the fans cheer. Scruff finally checks Uber Man for weapons and then rings the bell~
~Josie yells finally and charges at the hero. He sees his opponent barreling towards him, let's out a shriek and climbs half way out the ropes as Scruff gets in the way. Josie stops as her frustration rises and backs off, not wanting to risk a disqualification. She has waited to long for this match and doesn't want it to end like that. She backs off and Uber Man makes his way back into the ring. Josie quickly pounces, not wanting to give him a chance to get on the ropes again. She grabs him by the arm and flings him into the ropes. Uber Man bounces back and Josie leaps on him with a Lou Thesz Press. Both fall to the mat and Josie starts raining blow after blow on the hero. He feebly tries to block the punches but many get through his meager defense. Scruff starts a five count and Josie gets up before five. She then starts stomping away at Uber Man, who tries to crawl away. He finally makes it to the ropes and Scruff makes Josie stop her assault~
~Josie backs away, her frustration building at the fact her opponent keeps using the ropes to escape her assaults. Uber Man slowly makes his way back to his feet, using the ropes for help. Josie runs at Uber Man who is now standing but holding onto the top rope. As The Purple V.I.P. gets near, Uber Man's knees buckle and he drops, bringing the top rope down with him. Josie can't stop her momentum in time and goes tumbling over the top rope and lands hard outside of the ring!~
Smith: What ring awareness! Uber Man sensed his opponent coming at him and evaded the attack!
Hood: Are you high? The clown slipped and fell! He just happened to have the rope in his hand and brought it down with him. Josie just wasn't quick enough to stop.
~Uber Man gets to his feet and looks down at Josie, who is also getting to her feet. A look of confidence spreads over Uber Man's face as the fans start an "Uber Man" chant! He then runs towards the opposite ropes, bounces off of them and charges towards Josie. As he nears the ropes, The Uber Man executes a baseball slide and hits?... Harms?....... Grazes... Yes, that's the word. Uber Man grazes Josie with his baseball slide. Josie is knocked back a bit, mostly of her own accord trying to avoid the maneuver. Uber Man quickly gets up and grabs the leg he slid on. ~
Uber Man: Owwww! Brush burn! Brush burn!
~Josie composes herself and takes notice of Uber Man's plight and the savage smile returns to her face. She quickly climbs back into the ring and delivers a hard kick to the area of the leg that Uber Man is holding. His screams of pain get louder and louder as Josie keeps kicking at his brush burn. Uber Man tries to back away and get some distance, but Josie gives chase. She grabs him by the mask and starts laying into him with forearm shot after forearm shot, aimed solely at the nose.~
Smith: I think Josie is really trying to break his nose!
Hood: No shit Sherlock. She's only spent the past two week threatening to do it. This is the right time to go for it.
Smith: Why are you so condescending?
Hood: Why do you say stupid things to provoke me?
Smith: That's your opinion.
Hood: The right opinion.
Smith:....... Whatever...
~ Josie takes one more swing with her forearm but miraculously Uber Man ducks and tries a forearm of his own, which causes Josie to stagger back a few feet to dodge. Thinking he landed the blow, and impressed by his own strength, Uber Man strikes another superhero pose. Josie quickly composes herself and lays in wait to drill Uber Man with a superkick~
Smith: Well, this isn’t good if you’re Uber Man
Hood: How did this guy become an Uber Man? Isn’t there some type of screening process for applicants?
Smith: There is
Hood: Wouldn’t they…I don’t know, kind of balk at the idea of a guy wearing a mask picking strangers up?
Smith: You would think
~Josie is just about ready to drive her foot through Uber Man’s face when a red blur catches her eye! She turns and spots a man in a red mask wearing a red cape sprinting down the ramp. She throws her hands into the air and yells “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”~
Smith: Is that…The Rocket Man?!
Hood: No, it’s a fucking lunatic who belongs in an asylum
~The Rocket Man leaps onto the apron and does some type of pose. Barnes turns her leg toward The Rocket Man and she throws a superkick his way…but using his SUPER HERO like reflexes, he dodges the kick and jams a thumb into Josie’s eye! Josie staggers back, right into a roll up from The Uber Man! Scruff slides in to count. The Rocket Man hops up and down with excitement~
1!
KICK OUT!
Smith: Wow…that was barely a one count
Hood: So the fuck is this…some kinda broke ass Avengers group?
Smith: You’ve got me
~Uber Man leaps to his feet. Apparently he doesn’t realize how a pinfall works or he’s just extremely excited he got one to begin with. He high fives The Rocket Man who is on the apron. They suddenly pose together. Half the crowd cheers, the other half lashes out in a murderous rage. The Rocket Man suddenly points behind Uber Man. Uber Man turns around and eats a vicious superkick from Josie!! The Rocket Man hops off the apron and shakes his head. He expresses his sorrow to the Jr Heroes who are truly crestfallen over their hero’s impending demise. The Rocket Man snaps his fingers and says something like “Oh well, until next time!” and he sprints back up the ramp, disappearing very mysteriously through the curtain which leads backstage. Josie, who watched all of this rages with disgust. Perhaps she even temporarily compliments resigning from OCW. However, her attention refocuses on The Uber Man who is groaning on the mat. Josie smiles with delight knowing he’s finally hers to destroy. She lifts him up and drops him with A Code Breaker~
Smith: The Barnes Experience! This one is over!
Hood: The heroes tried and failed, but at least they tried.
~Uber Man is laid out. Josie goes for the cover and hooks the leg. Scruff gets in position.~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….JOSIE BARNES!!!!!
Smith: And, mercifully for some…this one is over
Hood: I gotta say…I thought Barnes would take her time...that was really quick
~Barnes stands over The Uber Man. She contemplates decimating the driver. But, after a few seconds shakes her head, realizing he isn’t worth the trouble. Instead, she just exits the ring and heads up the ramp, happy to move beyond this lunacy~
Smith: I don’t think Josie wanted to waste that much time on The Uber Man. The quicker she disposed of him the bigger message she was able to send
Hood: True…it wasn’t even a fucking contest. That guy isn’t even in her league
Smith: Indeed…Barnes put up and now we’ll see if The Uber Man shuts up
Hood: I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of him
Smith: Please don’t make me throw up that veggie burger I had earlier today
Hood: You eat veggie burgers yet are offended by The Uber Man? Some fucked up priorities, man
Smith: Don’t judge my eating habits. Anyway, folks, let’s cut to some footage which I’m told is highly interesting
Hood: Well thank goodness it’s HIGHLY INTERESTING…you know, considering this show airs for entertainment purposes
Smith: Leave me alone…to the footage!
~We open to Timmins, Ontario, Canada. The camera pans a neighborhood, a rundown neighborhood at that. Such scum that would appear on a Jerry Springer episode. A black rented BMW sits, parked alongside a sidewalk. As the cameras pan the locale, we spot a pile of cigarette butts form outside the driver’s window. This particular private investigator doesn’t smoke, but it makes for a hell of a visual effect. We get a glimpse inside the beamer, a stack of empty styrofoam cups litter the floor boards, presumably coffee cups. It appears to be signs of a good ole fashion stakeout. As the cameras move from the interior of the car, we see a busted mailbox, with the name “Grenier” painted on it. Funny enough, the e’s are backwards. Welcome to Canada.~
Hood: HAHAHA! OMG! OMG! OMG! The E’s are backwards!!!
Smith: Don’t be a jerk, maybe a child painted the mailbox.
Hood: I knew Grenier had somewhat of a sordid past, but I never knew mental retardation ran wild in his family tree.
Smith: We do not… Ugh, you know what, screw it.
Hood: That’s what I thought! Bitch!
~As the camera pans more of the neighborhood, run down mobile homes, and dump ass houses all up and dock the block, the camera moves back to the rental car, as we get a better glimpse of the driver, the “private investigator” … It’s none other than, CHAD VARGAS.~
Hood: Big Bad Chad! I didn’t know he was a PI?!
Smith: OMG…
Hood: It appears he is investigating the Greniers, and why those E’s are backwards…
Smith: I’m sure that’s why he’s there…
Hood: Chad Vargas was supposed to be in Tennessee, well, we should become PI’s in our own right, because we found him! In Canada, of all places!
Smith: He’s out there to convince Grenier to take that match, isn’t he?
Hood: Uh, yea. He sure as shit isn’t there to take in the scenery
Smith: I just hope he doesn’t cross any lines. I mean we’re getting a little personal, heading to someone’s home
Hood: Fuck that shit. Grenier is attempting to deprive Chad of what’s rightfully his.
Smith: A warped view of the situation. I’m sure we’ll get an update from this situation as the night rolls on. In the meantime, let's cut backstage
~The shot changes to backstage where Who’Re stands by a locker room door. The name plate has been ripped off and a goat head pentagram is spray painted in its place, all the way across the solid white door.~
Smith: Oh, no. Not him.
Hood: Who’Re you will have to inside to get this interview.
Smith: What!? Don’t tell her to do that, Hood!
~The nervous backstage reporter then knocks softly on the door that in turn creaks open.~
Who’Re: Tommy?
~Who’Re then makes her way inside the locker room. The overhead fluorescent bulbs and light fixtures have all been knocked out but one. It flickers to paint a creepy scene all around. All the furniture is turned over and something red is soaked into the carpet below the reporters feet. The slimey unknown red substance gushes between her toes in the open toe heels.~
Who’Re: Crimson!?
~A figure sitting against the wall catches her attention. She carefully approves the individual that sits in the shadows of the destroyed locker room. She gets over just as the overhead light flickers to life to reveal Tommy Crimson sitting up against the wall all alone.
~“Bunny Fuck” is spray painted across the wall in large blazing orange letters over Crimson’s head. Who’Re can’t believe how badly he has destroyed the room in a fit of rage. The light flickers again to reveal Crimson’s cuts and bruises from an encounter the night before in Vegas.~
Who’Re: Tommy, are you alright?.
~Crimson continues to face forward with his eyes staring forward lost in some nonsensical daze.~
Who’Re: FURY!
~Tommy turns to Who’Re while wrinkling his forehead with real displeasure.~
The Fury: What? I am trying to focus here, bitch.
~Who’Re is taken aback by being cursed immediately but remembers who she is dealing with.~
Who’Re: About last night…
The Fury: Fuck last night. I’m here, aren’t l? I came to kill that rabbit that has AIDs. That’s why I am here and I am totally focused on the task at hand, Who’Re. I destroyed this room because I can. I do what I want.
~A box out from Crimson draws flies and smells like death to the backstage reporter but she dismisses it.~
Who’Re: This week, you filed two lawsuits but didn’t say a word of either when you addressed the OCW fans on Saturday… Why is that?
~Piper Poe charges into the room to answer for Tommy immediately.~
Poe: I told him not to. There is a gag order on both at the moment but my law office filed the paperwork before memorial day weekend. Zybala and Brooks are both being sued by my client. He wishes to not comment on the matter any further as do I.
~Who’Re watches as the camera men shift from Crimson’s lawyer explaining the lawsuits back to her. She then turns back to face Tommy, who remains slumped up against the wall sore from the fight of his life not yet twenty four hours old.~
Who’Re: News broke on Sunday night that you were fined for using weapons in your promotional material without proper consent also. Care to comment on that for us, Fury?
The Fury: Yeah, I got that taken care of right here.
~Tommy reaches over and picks up the smelly box that Who’Re noticed prior. She peers inside and can human fecal matter all over wadded up five dollar bills. Who’Re then shifts her gaze back to Crimson suddenly.~
Who’Re: What is this?!
~A large grin crosses the face of Tommy Crimson before he explains.~
The Fury: This is the money for that thousand dollar fine, Who’re. See I always get fined so I started wiping my ass with these five dollar bills a month ago and saving them in this box. The money is still good and here it is in full. I literally wiped my ass with OCW’s fines. Go peel an uber cock, Zybala.
~This even shocks Poe, who still stands behind the backstage reporter. Who’Re gags a bit then throws up in her own mouth! Puke spills out of corners of her mouth leading her to dip and puke in the box!~
The Fury: They can have that too.
~Crimson suddenly lunges at the bent over backstage reporter! He takes her to the floor ending up sitting on top of her! Tommy pulls a knife out of from his now infamous HUMAN SKIN JACKET. He waves it around in Who’Re’s face, who remains totally vulnerable beneath the weight of The Fury.~
Crimson: Do you see this knife? I am going to go out there and kill that rabbit with it. People will believe after tonight but I’ve fuckin’ lost it, Miss Who’Re-Bitch. He burned FuryLand to the ground and now I have had to start all over. Muffles has to go and I want to feel his warm blood on my hands and face. Do you understand?
~Who’Re starts to speak but Tommy puts his left hand over her mouth while Piper Poe leaves the room as to not be a witness to this.~
Crimson: Are you scared? Do you feel helpless?
~Who’Re nods to convey that is the case.~
Crimson: I will drop all lawsuit’s if I get what I want. A match with Brooks at The Greatest Show on Earth! She can pick any stipulation as long as I get to finish her career. Nod, if you understand, whore.
~The frightened backstage reporter suddenly begins to urinate on herself which delights Tommy.~
Crimson: That rabbit dies tonight. I won’t leave this building until he stops breathing. I have nothing else to live for but to murder all that’s good, Who’Re. That starts tonight with that stupid fuckin’ bunny rabbit! GO TELL THEM, WHO’RE! TELL THEM THE FURY WILL BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO THE GROUND JUST TO SEND SMOKE SIGNALS!
~Crimson allows the scared backstage reporter up so she can crawl out the door to make her escape. Tommy then leans back up against the wall after taking a seat back on the floor. He regains his total focus then continues to wait for his match.~
Hood: The Fury came here to kill Muffles.
Smith: That does appear to be the case.
Hood: Then we could sign PerZag in his place.
Smith: We will need two replacements if Crimson murders a fellow wrestler here tonight, Hood.
Hood: You can’t get jail time for killing a rabbit. Didn’t you see Crimson’s controversial video?
Smith: I couldn’t make it all the way through.
Hood: Pussy.
Smith: But as disgusting as his video was...that display with Who'Re trumped it. That poor woman is just trying to do her job and she has to deal with THAT
Hood: Dude, I'm sure she dealt with stuff like that all the time during her acting career
Smith: She most certainly did not! I really hope she's okay, mentally and emotionally after that violation of personal space. That type of working environment is totally unacceptable
Hood: Oh boo hoo
Smith: But if there's one person I know who will take umbrage with those actions and work to avenge them...it's The Pride of New Mexico herself. If she accepts that challenge she will make Crimson pay
Hood: So you thought that was disgusting yet you like watching Brooks wrestle? Her matches make Saw movies look like a PBS telethon
Smith: That lunatic deserves WHATEVER he gets...ugh, what a creep
~The overhead lights go dark as the Tron comes to life, a video beginning to play that shows a familiar sight to the upper crust of those that travel to Florida on vacation; the sun-drenched poolside of a luxury hotel. The camera pans over the tanned, perfect bodies at play and relaxation before the lens stops upon a lounge chair beneath the protection of an umbrella. Sprawled out upon the chair is none other than the blond that put OCW on notice in her debut, Kestrel’s pale skin gleaming with sunblock and sweat where it isn’t covered by a simple black bikini. Prada sunglasses obscuring her eyes, the submissionist doesn’t turn her head toward the camera when she begins to speak.~
Kestrel: Mm, I suppose I should address the opportunity I’ve been given, shouldn’t I? Though really, me coming out as the victor of my match at the last episode of Massacre was a foregone conclusion the moment that I was given such… dreck to compete with. Neither Anthony nor Muffles were even sentient enough to know that they were just prey being deposited before a predator, but then again? I can’t say I’m surprised. Few have been able to even come close to matching my greatness, and neither of them even deserved to share the same ring with me--but yet Anthony Wentz is convinced he’s more than a lamb being led to slaughter against Matt Meyhu. I suppose that proves my point rather well, doesn’t it?
~The crowd boos the blond’s arrogance as she chuckles, though their jeers aren’t quite loud enough to drown her out as she accepts a tropical-looking drink from a passing cabana boy. Taking a sip, she lets out a soft sound of enjoyment before she continues.~
Kestrel: But enough about the delusional wastes of oxygen that are so far beneath me that it’s a wonder they’re not buried in the Earth’s molten core. While many would disregard the rumors floating around about management choosing to change the title shot that will be mine once I’ve ripped Curt Canon’s undeserving ass limb from limb, well… considering the infinite wisdom and business acumen of Marcus Welsh?
~The smirk that graces her lips is maddening in its knowledge, its certainty in what leaves her lips.~
Kestrel: Why, he must know just how talented and valuable I am as a competitor, so obviously he would let me soar to the main event scene so I can take my rightful place atop OCW as its Champion. And make no mistake; I am the one that is truly incredible. I am the one that is a marvel of the modern world… and ultimately? I am the future of OCW, and there’s not a single body on the roster that can change that no matter what they try.
~Settling back in her seat, the blond takes another sip of her drink before raising a hand to wave dismissively at the camera man.~
Kestrel: Now stop blocking my light, would you? And tell the waiter to bring me another one of these.
~Another shoo-ing motion and the video fades to black, the lights coming back on slowly as it does.~
Smith: Well, she certainly isn't lacking in confidence
Hood: I know I'm not fan of female wrestlers but, damn, something about her is super appealing
Smith: Well that's no surprise. Despite her attitude she is immensely talented and, well, I'm afraid we will be seeing her in the Main Event scene sooner rather than later.
Hood: Sooner for sure...all she's gotta do is beat monkey man Curt Canon and she'll be wrestling in a #1 Contenders Match for a shot at the OCW Title...I mean, that's what I hear, anyway
Smith: That is the current rumor floating around backstage. Regardless, she's here to stay and will be a major force in OCW for as long as she wants to be. Well folks, speaking of top tier stars and impressive newcomers...Tommy Crimson is set to take on Muffles the Bunny in a matter of moments. But, before that match takes place...let's head backstage
~We cut back stage to see a dejected looking Uber Man. He is in his locker room/office for setting up rides for our stars, sitting in a chair with his head hung low, holding an ice pack to his nose and is visibly upset about he loss. There is a knock on the door and The Uber Man looks up~
Uber Man: I'm not driving anyone right now.
~The door to the office opens and in walks a smiling Commissioner Zybala. He shuts the door behind him and sits in a chair across from The Uber Man~
Zybala: Well, it's a good thing I'm not in need of a ride then.
Uber Man: Mr. Zybala, I've let you down. I let that villainous Josie defeat me in combat! Worse yet, I've let down the children!
Zybala: Fret not noble hero. While you have lost but one battle, there are many more down the road. But that's not why I'm here.
~Zybala reaches into his pocket and hands two slips of paper to the fallen hero. Uber Man takes them with his free hand and looks at them~
Uber Man: What are these?
Zybala: They are checks, young man. I know Marcus was paying you under the table in cash, but I feel like its time to put you on the actual company pay roll. One check for your driving services, and the other for your match tonight.
~Uber Man examines the checks and his eyes widen with excitement. The camera is able to glance at the checks. Both are for $750 apiece~
Uber Man: My word! Are you sure all this money is for me?
Zybala: You betcha! And that's just the start of it! Don't think I didn't see you taking those selfies with the kids dressed like you. If the fans wanna dress like you, that means you have marketing potential, which means more money for the company and for you.
Uber Man: But who would buy the merchandise of a man who lost?
Zybala: Correction, a loveable hero who suffered a minor set back. People look up to you Mr. Roth.
Uber Man: Please don't use my slave name.
Zybala: No, not a slave name. An alias. An alter ego. A secret identity. All the greats heroes have one, and you have the makings of a great hero. You even inspired another hero by the name of The Rocketman! Speaking of which, let's talk about movie deals.
~We see Zybala bring his chair closer to Uber Man's and begins talking about "franchises" as we go back to Smith and Hood~
Hood: KILL ME NOW
Smith: What? That wasn't THAT bad...I found it kinda...inspirational
Hood: Did Zybala really say many more down the road? Holy shit...I think I'm gonna be sick
Smith: Ultimately Marcus Welsh will make that call...but The Uber Man does seem to be popular with a certain portion of the OCW fanbase
Hood: I did like how Zybala acted like he was doing Uber Man a favor by putting him on the company payroll. Now that fucking goof has to pay taxes. He's in the system! Thanks, Zybala
Smith: I think it legitimizes him as a star. Nothing wrong with that...nothing wrong with joining the system
Hood: Blah...being paid cash under the table is WAY better
Smith: I certainly disagree with that...anyway, it's time for our second match of the evening and this one has all the makings of a great encounter! OCW's most notorious wrestler, Tommy Crimson takes on one of the most talented rising stars in the company, Muffles the Bunny...let's head down to ringside!
Singles Match
Tommy Crimson (11.6) vs. Muffles the Bunny (-3.5)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen – the following contest is a singles match scheduled for one fall!
~The crowd yells out ‘ONE FALL!’ with way too much excitement. Belvedere holds steady, waiting for the chant to die away. Once it does, he continues~
Belvedere: Introducing first…
~”Bad Bunny” by Radioactive Chicken Heads begins to play. Muffles appears in the crowd, accompanied by the sound of guitar riffs and screeching. A bright orange baseball bat slung casually over his shoulder. He strolls down before he begins to walk along the top of the barricade. He hops down and makes his way to roll into the ring~
Belvedere: From Bunnyman Bridge…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 236lbs…he was the Newcomer of the Month in August of 2017…please welcome Muffles the Bunny!!!
~A “MUFFLES” chant sounds out. The crowd is obviously impressed by his performance one week ago against Kestrel and Anthony Wentz. That, and well, it’s OCW. We embrace the psychos. Muffles slings his bat around as if it were a pair of nun chucks. It’d be ridiculous if he weren’t so good at it~
Smith: Big opportunity for Muffles, if he can defeat Tommy Crimson then this guy, girl…this thing will be destined for a major push.
Hood: IF? I think he already IS. This guy is MONEY, Smith. A license to print it, that is. This guy is basically the Federal Reserve of OCW!
Smith: Interesting analogy
Hood: Yep, just don’t fuck with him or he’ll have you assassinated.
Smith: Okay, that’s enough of your wild conspiracy theories
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~A hush comes over the crowd. They know who’s scheduled to come out next. He is the VILLAIN of OCW. “Lux Aeterna” by Megaraptor hits throughout leading the crowd to boo and immediately want to throw trash. The lights go out suddenly.~
~The violins pick up on Lux Aeterna as a brain comes into focus on the screen. A grainy upside down cross appears in a flash but the brain instantly returns. The three dimensional shot shows the entire organ in all its glory. Memories begin to emit off the brain like smoke from a fire.~
~The memories show each title win of Tommy’s career. Crimson owns most of his own footage which allows for this to occur in real time. The animation of the brain meshed with real live shots come together beautifully as the cover of the masterpiece by Mansell continues.~
~The orchestra behind the rock band, Megaraptor, ramps up as the memories of all Crimsons glory sucks back into the brain The two cerebral hemispheres end up as sticky brain matter that spells out “Mind Fuck”. The lights come on to reveal Tommy Crimson standing between the two large words spelt in 3d splattered brain matter a full story high. The crowd loses it.~
Belvedere: Now making his way down the aisle… He weighs in at one hundred seventy three pounds while hailing from the Motor City! The FUUURRRYYYYY! TOMMY! CRIMSOOOOOON!
~Crimson walks down the steel ramp knocking signs out of fans hands the entire way. Trash flies at the hated wrestler from all directions. He grins while eating up the negative reaction. The Fury stops short of the ring steps. He ties his red mop back with a rubber band then bounces up the ropes. Tommy reaches the center of the ring and begins spin with both arms extended out from his body while his eyes are shut tight. The crowd continues to boo The Fury without mercy. Crimson takes off his HUMAN SKIN JACKET then hands it off to a ring hand before choosing a corner.~
Smith: That jacket always gives me the heebie jeebies
Hood: Well maybe you should go call something more your speed like – amateur wrestling
Smith: You know, I used to call amateur wrestling. You’d be surprised at how intense…
Hood: Okay, that’s enough. I don’t need you putting over AMATEUR wrestling during an OCW telecast
~The bell rings. The crowd pops! They are eager to witness two of the craziest members of the roster do battle. Crimson leans into his corner. Muffles points his orange bat at The Fury. Crimson looks sideways at Scruff and waves him over using his index finger. Scruff cautiously approaches Mr. Crimson. Crimson becomes somewhat animated, explaining something to Scruff while pointing at Muffles~
Smith: Hmm…something is bothering Crimson
Hood: You think it has to do with the fact he’s staring at a giant rabbit?
Smith: No, if I had to guess, I’d say he wants Muffles to lose the bat
Hood: Ah, so Crimson is a PURPLE fan…good to know!
~Scruff nods and heads toward Muffles. He explains something in hobo language to Muffles. Muffles shrugs. Scruff reaches for the bat. Muffles lifts the bat high into the air, out of Scruff’s reach. Scruff places his hands atop his hips, frustrated~
Smith: Yep, they are trying to get rid of that bat
Hood: Can you blame him? Not only is he facing a giant rabbit…but that giant rabbit is holding a lethal weapon…that’s like a level 8 form of fright! On a 10 level scale, naturally
Smith: Naturally – although I wouldn’t quite call a baseball bat a lethal weapon
Hood: You should watch the Untouchables
~Scruff motions toward the bell. Muffles shakes his giant bunny head with displeasure. He acquiesces and hands the bat over. Scruff accepts it and heads toward the ropes to deposit the bat to the floor, safely out of the ring. Muffles, perhaps with a hint of sadness, watches Scruff perform this task~
Smith: Well I’m glad cooler heads prevailed
Hood: Shocking, really…when you think about it…whoever is under that rabbit suit has to be sweating quite profusely. AND…when you further think about it…that might make Muffles the most well-conditioned athlete in OCW!
Smith: Yea, but that is a lot to think about when you’re dealing with…OH NO!
~Like a blur, Crimson flies into view SPLASHING Muffles into his corner, unexpectedly. Muffles, who had been distracted by the ORANGE BAT fiasco is dazed from impact. Crimson lifts a number of knees into Muffles’ midsection, keeping the giant bunny from recovering. He drives a final, brutal knee into the bunny’s abdomen, forcing the hare to double over. Crimson double under hooks the strange creature, lifts it into the air and drops him, in the center of the ring with a double under hook suplex! Crimson pops back to his feet, pointing at his head as if to indicate he’s smarter than the average bunny~
Smith: What a dastardly move! That distraction was totally pre meditated by Crimson
Hood: Yea, well the fucking bunny didn’t have to bite, did he?
Smith: Still doesn’t make it right…I’m getting sick and tired of Crimson and the way he treats people
Hood: Considering he wears a HUMAN FLESH jacket…I’d say he treats people in OCW relatively well
~Crimson crams the bottom of his foot into the throat of Muffles. Muffles kicks his legs up and down in desperation. Crimson drops to his knees in a sudden movement and wraps his hands around the furry throat of the man sized bunny. Muffles reaches up, trying to pry the maniacs hands off his throat, but Crimson’s grip and lust for violence proves to be too much. Scruff rushes in, administering a count~
Smith: C’mon, Scruff…get that maniac off of Muffles!
Hood: I’m beginning to think Crimson had some not-so-fun experiences with the Easter Bunny as a child
Smith: Yea, maybe
Hood: Hey, remember when that deranged Easter Bunny showed up back in 2014?
Smith: Please, do not remind me of that giant fiasco
~Crimson releases his vice like grip right before the count of five. He pops back to his feet and aggressively stomps away at the body of the bunny. The crowd starts to boo. Crimson isn’t giving Muffles any room to recover. Muffles rolls onto his front and crawls toward the ropes, hugging the bottom. Crimson continues to throw kicks, but Scruff gets in between Crimson and Muffles. Crimson looks down upon Scruff with fury in his eyes. He suddenly regains composure and backs away, hands in the air. Muffles starts to get to his feet, climbing to a kneeling position~
Smith: It’s been all Crimson so far…he hasn’t given Muffles a chance to do anything
Hood: What’s he supposed to do? Stand back and say “Okay buddy, you’re turn, hit me with something awesome!”
Smith: Well, no, but…you get what I mean
Hood: You act like this shit is scripted sometimes, ya know that?
~Muffles reaches his feet. He leans against the ropes. We can’t see any facial features, or well any that move…but we can tell by his body language that he’s in recovery mode. Crimson notices this as well. He shoves Scruff aside, charges in and drills Muffles in the gut with another knee! Muffles bends over, clutching his stomach. Crimson steps out onto the apron. He reaches over the top rope and grabs the bunny’s ears. He turns his back to Muffles – they are back to back. He holds onto the left ear with his right hand and the right ear with his left hand. He then hops off the apron, yanking down on both ears!! The crowd boos loudly with several fans with extreme compassion screaming out. Muffles’ feet lift off the mat and wiggle in the air for traction. His neck is bent backward at a very awkward angle. His bunny paws grasp at his ears, trying to free them. Scruff stands back for a moment, taking the extremely strange scene in~
Smith: Scruff! Quit staring and do something! He’s going to rip the ears right off that bunny!
Hood: They say that behavior all starts with tearing the wings off of flies, Smith
Smith: What behavior…are you talking about the behavior of sociopaths?
Hood: I’m talking about the behavior of winners who don’t take shit from anyone
~Scruff continues to look on at the odd sight. Finally, fans at ringside can be heard “COUNT YOU FUCKING BUM!” Scruff snaps out of it and begins to count. Crimson listens on, with his back to the ring, holding onto the bunny ears. Scruff reaches four. Crimson extends his arms as far as he can before bringing them down as hard and fast as possible. In doing so, with the bunny ears grasped, he snaps the back of Muffles’ neck across the top rope!!! Muffles falls forward, onto all fours. He promptly rolls onto his back, reaching for his neck. The crowd at ringside hurl insults at Crimson. A few even partake in some SALTY LANGUAGE. Crimson, however, relishes the hate~
Smith: What a vile…I hesitate to refer to that thing as a human being
Hood: The bunny suit has a lot to do with the confusion
Smith: I’m referring to Crimson!
Hood: What? Why? I mean, unless he’s wearing a really authentic Scooby Doo villain type mask then he’s totally human
~Crimson slides back into the ring. Muffles has rolled back over onto his front, on all fours, rotating his neck back and forth, trying to loosen it up. Crimson pops to his feet and delivers a stiff stomp into the back of the bunny’s neck! Muffles flips over onto his back, almost paralyzed with pain. Crimson drops on top of Muffles, looking for a pin. It’s a weak, arrogant attempt. Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Muffles with a quick kick out after two…his neck may be throbbing with pain but his heart continues to march to the drum of competition
Hood: Did you just call Muffles a heart throb?
Smith: I said no such thing!
Hood: Hmm…because all I heard was throbbing and then heart. And I know you’re dyslexic as fuck
Smith: Please don’t reveal personal details about me on air…ESAELP!
~Crimson throws a vicious elbow into the padded face of Muffles. He snares both ears and gets to his feet. He drags Muffles around the ring by the ears before tossing him haphazardly into a corner. Muffles slams back first into the buckle. His arms are draped over the top rope, keeping him standing. The rest of his body slouches downward, including his head, facing the mat. Crimson begins to walk backwards, measuring Muffles up~
Smith: The hype surrounding Muffles seems to have been stifled. Crimson is showing us all why he’s one of the top stars in the sport today.
Hood: Muffles looks drunk.
Smith: HE’S INJURED
Hood: I think being shit faced qualifies as being injured.
~Crimson backs into the opposite corner. He charges toward Muffles. He gets closer and closer. Suddenly, Muffles leans back and sticks both giant feet into the air! It’s too late for Crimson to stop! Muffles kicks his feet out and they SMACK Crimson right into the face!! Crimson staggers around the ring, punch drunk. Muffles stumbles out of the corner, still worse for wear. He approaches Crimson from behind, jumps into the air and delivers a dropkick to the back of Tommy’s head!! Crimson stumbles toward the ropes, falls through them and lands roughly on the outside! The crowd goes wild! A “MUFFLES” chant emerges. The bunny falls to the mat, on one knee. He rubs around his head and neck area, still in a lot of pain~
Smith: Great retaliation by Muffles…he sorely needed that but, he’s still in rough shape
Hood: Yea, it’s going to take more than a few rabbit kicks to keep The Fury down
Smith: At least Muffles is fighting back. I was worried Crimson might squash him.
Hood: LIKE A BUG
~Muffles heads for the ropes. He steps through the ropes and onto the apron. Crimson is on his feet on the outside. Muffles charges toward him and delivers a STIFF penalty kick into the face of The Fury!! The Fury turns inside out while in midair, landing on his back! The crowd at ringside goes wild…they chant “BUNNYMAN!” Muffles remains on the apron. He looks down at Tommy. Crimson is on his back, wincing. Muffles hops off the apron and delivers a double foot stomp into the midsection of Tommy Crimson!! Crimson’s eyes bug out, he hunches forward and clutches at his abdomen~
Smith: A very leg and foot centered attack here by Muffles
Hood: Well, he is a fucking rabbit. I mean isn’t that like their only defense mechanism
Smith: Definitely their primary method of protection
Hood: They have great eyesight, too, right?
Smith: Do they?
Hood: I don’t know…I just remember some old guy telling me when I was younger that carrots improve your eyesight and, well, rabbits eat a shit ton of carrots
Smith: Indeed
~Muffles quickly snares Crimson by the hair and tosses him back into the ring. The Bunny appears to be recovered and is moving quickly. Crimson rolls near the center of the ring. Muffles hops onto the apron. He grabs the top rope and hops over the top rope and into the ring. The crowd is in full on EASTER SEASON mode with a ‘MUFFLES’ chant filling the arena. He grabs Crimson by the hair and locks both wrists. The crowd rises with anticipation~
Smith: He’s looking to end it right here!
Hood: Are you kidding me? I mean it was kinda cute at first but c’mon…we can’t have MUFFLES defeat Crimson?
Smith: Apparently we can!
~Muffles pauses and he signals to the crowd~
Smith: Here we go!
Hood: Fucker better stop wasting time
~Muffles yanks Crimson in for the Ripcord High Knee…Crimson ducks!! He grabs hold of Muffles’ right arm and takes him to the mat, seamlessly transitioning into a Crippler Crossface!! Muffles writhes around in pain! The crowd screams with anger. Once the surprise wears off, they begin to boo~
Smith: Oh no!! Crimson just reversed IL TAV ID into his signature submission Murder.Death.Kill!!
Hood: YES! All is right in the world!
Smith: Will Muffles tap?
Hood: Of course he will
~Muffles fights around, he tries to break free. He drags Crimson near the ropes. Crimson wrenches back trying to get a submission. The fans urge Muffles on. He gets nearer and nearer the ropes. His momentum slows…it stops. He starts to go limp. The crowd boos. Scruff inspects The Bunny to see if he’s KO’d~
Smith: I think that’s it…I think Muffles has succumbed to Murder.Death.Kill
Hood: That’s it, ring the bell
~Muffles suddenly raises up, fighting with all he can muster. He reaches out and snares the bottom rope!! The arena erupts with jubilation. Crimson looks at Scruff in disbelief. He releases the hold and pops to his feet. He grabs Scruff by the collar and threatens him. Scruff backs into a corner with penultimate fear in his eyes~
Smith: Crimson had better be careful…he could get disqualified
Hood: Or shanked…Scruff does live on the streets, you know
Smith: Yes, I know
~We see a giant, white presence rise behind Crimson. The crowd pops to their feet. It approaches Crimson and pats him on the shoulder. An infuriated Crimson turns around. His arm is immediately snared…he’s thrust forward and is DRILLED with a Ripcord High Knee!!! Crimson collapses to the mat. The crowd goes wild!! Muffles falls to his knees, holding his right shoulder, still feeling the impact from Crimson’s Murder.Death.Kill~
Smith: IL TAV ID!!!
Hood: Holy shit…that’s it…that’s fucking it!
Smith: What an upset!! Now Muffles just needs to pin the man
~Muffles crawls over and covers Crimson. Scruff pauses. He points at Crimson’s foot under the bottom rope. Muffles hurries to pull it out from under the rope. Scruff then drops to his knees and makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
Smith: He did it!
Hood: Wait…did he?
~Scruff stands and points at the bottom rope. We see Crimson’s food atop the bottom rope. Scruff waves off the count~
Smith: Scruff is waving off the count!
Hood: And that’s why it pays to threaten people with bodily harm
Smith: I’m pretty sure his foot hit that bottom rope before three…but Scruff did hit the mat three times
Hood: Doesn’t fucking matter. If Crimson got his foot on the bottom rope before three then he ‘kicked out’
~The crowd yells “BULLSHIT” at the ring. Scruff shrugs and backs away. Muffles slams the mat with both paws. He grabs Crimson by the hair and pulls him to his feet once more. He hooks his arm, preparing for another IL TAV ID~
Smith: He’s going for it again…and this time in the center of the ring
Hood: Fucking Crimson…do something!
Smith: When you’re out, you’re out, Hood. And Crimson might be seeing stars
~Muffles motions toward the crowd. They go wild. He yanks Crimson forward. But Crimson breaks free, reaches up, grabs Muffles by the head and drills him face first into the mat with MindFucked (Sitout Facebuster)!!! The crowd boos! Crimson stumbles to his feet and wobbles toward the nearest corner~
Smith: He’s not done!
Hood: I don’t blame him…this Muffles guy is fucking tough. It’s going to take at least two finishers to keep him down
Smith: Evidently!
~Crimson slowly reaches the top. The crowd pleads for Muffles to get back up. Crimson reaches the top and looks down at Muffles. He doesn’t hesitate. He skies off the top rope and comes down with his patented High Angle Senton!!! He hits it!! His body remains on top of Muffles. He flips over and hooks one of the bunny’s white, furry legs. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings. The crowd groans with disgust. Crimson rolls off of Muffles and backslides into a corner. He’s a vision of exhaustion~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….TOMMY CRIMSON!!!!!
Smith: Ugh…so disappointing! This was destined to be Muffles break out performance
Hood: Fuckin shit…that was something. You know what? That bunny is weird as fuck but I think the fuckin guy might actually be a main event player
Smith: Well I can tell you this…if he’s THAT close to beating Tommy Crimson…he’s a main event player for sure
Hood: Holy shit…I need medication or something after that. That was wayyyy too close
Smith: I’m all charged up! We’ve got a new star in OCW and his name is Muffles!
Hood: That’s exactly why I’m all stressed out…our new major star is named MUFFLES
Smith: Doesn't sound any crazier than a man named Bifford, if you ask me...and that guy's in the Hall of Fame. Anyway...while the fans catch their breath, let's view some more footage which, hopefully, doesn't turn my stomach
~An elderly woman sits in a rocking chair on the front porch of that beatup dump ass house, smoking a rolled cigarette and drinking a big gulp, we assume it’s an alcoholic beverage of some sort. Chad Vargas, yards away, looks through a pair of binoculars, aiming them at the woman. A stack of papers in his lap as he moves them, he looks at a picture of the elderly woman, confirming her identity. Vargas smirks as he tosses the paperwork in the passenger seat and opens his door, exiting the rental car. He walks toward the woman enjoying her cigarette. As he walks closer, we see that the Grenier mailbox belongs to this woman. Vargas laughs at the mailbox as he walks by it, at the absolute ridiculousness that is letters being backwards.~
Vargas: Afternoon, ma’am.
Woman: Hi there. Do somethin’ for ya?
Vargas: Matter fact… a couple questions I could ask?
Woman: I ain’t buyin’ nuffin.
Vargas: Good, ‘cause I ain’t sellin, “nuffin.”
~Vargas can’t help but laugh as he climbs up her stairs and is standing a few inches away from her as she rocks her chair, sipping her big gulp. She exhales a drag of her cigarette.~
Vargas: You Ruth Anne Grenier?
~She takes another drag off her cig, looking at Vargas up and down, she nods, as if to say, “What of it?” Vargas smiles fakely as he approaches the woman closer. He looks around scanning the neighborhood, out of nowhere he reaches in and grabs her by her throat!~
Vargas: Lose the attitude cunt, where is Bob?
~Vargas tightens his grip around her flimsy ass throat, she can barely talk. Through choking it sounds like she says ‘Bob who?’~
Vargas: BOB GRENIER, CUNT! Where is he?
~We can’t understand her reply, instead of loosening the grip, Vargas tightens it further, as if she can reply, she can barely breathe let alone speak.~
Smith: SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE!!! CHAD VARGAS IS ASSAULTING AN ELDERLY WOMAN!
Hood: A *mentally retarded* elderly woman.
Smith: ???
Hood: Shall I bring up the letters on the mailbox again?
Smith: SHUT UP about the darn mailbox! He is choking this poor woman!
~Vargas realizes his grip may be a little tight, he loosens his hand from around her windpipe. In the struggle the woman’s cigarette is missing, it appears she may of swallowed it.~
Hood: HAHAHA!!! Bitch just swallowed her smoke!!!
Smith: That’s funny to you?
Hood: Sorta? If that isn’t a quality stop smoking ad, I don’t know what is!
Smith: You are incredible.
Hood: For her sake, I hope it was a light!
~The cameras pan showing a pack of cigarettes sitting next to Ruth Ann, Marlboro Red 100s.~
Hood: Damn. Nevermind. Cowboy killers!
Smith: Wow.
Hood: Lady is a bad ass!
~As she slowly regains her composure. Vargas leans against the porch railing, awaiting her to speak. She sucks down a large drink from her big gulp, gotta wash that cigarette down.~
Vargas: So where is he?
~Ruth Ann, still breathing heavily, desperately trying to catch her breath puts her hands up, motioning for Vargas to relax.~
Ruth Ann: Please, give me a moment.
Vargas: I’ve given you 5 moments. Where is your son?
Ruth Ann: My son?! He isn’t my son! He’s my great nephew.
Vargas: What the fuck does that mean?
Ruth Ann: I’m his grandmother’s sister. And I haven’t seen Bob since he went to the states to become a professional fighter.
~Vargas lets out a long winded sigh. Slowly realizing that he mistakenly identified this broad for his mother.~
Vargas: You still speak to him?
Ruth Ann: He sends post cards every so often. Used to send money, but hasn’t lately the cheap prick!
Vargas: But y’all are close?
Ruth Ann: Us Greniers are thicker then thieves.
Vargas: Well… I’ll tell you what. I want you to get in your house and give him a ca….
Ruth Ann: Oh, we don’t have a working phone here.
~Vargas sighs again, another let down.~
Vargas: Ok. Listen carefully, lady. I want you to march your tired ass down to Titcombs General Store or wherever the fuck you handle your business around here, get yourself in front of a phone, landline, cellphone, payphone or a god damn switchboard for all I give a fuck, and you get in touch with your pathetic sorry sack of shit excuse for a man nephew, and tell him that you have CHAD FUCKING VARGAS on your god damn door step, and that if he does not accept my challenge to a match at OCW’s big show, Greatest Show on Earth, than I’m going to burn your fucking house down, and by the looks of things around here, the best thing for you, and the rest of the community as far as this heap of shit goes, is a lit match. So go ahead, and get him on the horn.
~Ruth Ann’s eyes are as big as saucers. She cannot believe this man in front of her. Not only has he choked the shit out of her, but he’s threatening to burn down the old Grenier homestead. It’s been in the family for 6 generations. Ole Ruth Ann doesn’t know what to do. She sits there in shock.~
Vargas: NOW!
~She gets up quickly, she grabs her Marlb Reds and tucks them in her pants pocket.~
Ruth Ann: I need another ½ gallon anyway. After today, I think I’ll get 2!
Vargas: Sounds good. I will hang here. Make sure you call him, and make it quick.
~The scene cuts and we are back live. Smith shakes his head while Hood laughs. The crowd seems to be a mixture of entertained and appalled at what they've seen~
Smith: For that woman's sake, I hope she hopped a bus and got the heck out of there
Hood: With what? Her lips? Maybe twenty years ago she could've blown a guy for a ride but not now...and especially not with that breath she's got. Swallowing lit cigarettes makes morning breath smell like the interior of a candy shop
Smith: Interesting albeit useless tidbit of information. I do know one thing, though...when Grenier finds out about this, he's going to be angry. He loves his family.
Hood: Angry enough to accept the match?
Smith: I don't know...maybe. That Vargas is much smarter than people give him credit for. Anyway, let's head backstage
~The cameras cut backstage where Ed Houston is sitting in a locker room, putting clothes in a bag. All of the sudden Josie Barnes rushes in, slamming the door behind her~
Barnes: “What the fuck, Ed?”
Houston: “What, what’s up?”
Barnes: “What the hell was that out there? The Rocket Man really? You really had to come out and try to get involved and as a superhero? I’m tired of all the fucking superheroes here.”
Houston: “I have no idea what you’re talking about Josie.”
Barnes: “Right, really. I’m sure you don’t. You literally call yourself The Rocket Man.”
Houston: “And you call yourself the Purple VIP, but I’ve never seen the paparazzi following you around. I think you’re mistaken Josie. I’m only here because I thought I had a match. I’m leaving now.”
~He stands up, bag in his hand and starts to head for the door. Josie side steps him, cutting him off. They both have a tense stare down. Finally, Josie breaks it~
Josie Barnes: “Ed, I’m getting tired of you and I was tired of the superheroes a month ago. At The Greatest Show on Earth, I’m putting a stop to it and to you.”
~Ed leans into her with a smile on his face~
Houston: “I’m looking forward to it.”
~The camera focuses on their stare down for a few seconds longer before cutting back to the live feed~
Smith: Those two are going to tear each other apart at The Greatest Show on Earth.
Hood: No shit...Josie has a chance to become OCW's first, and hopefully only, Superhero Slayer!
Smith: Indeed...and not only does the winner get bragging rights...they also get the Craze Championship
Hood: Sounds like a good prize to me. Both have been here awhile without enjoying the taste of gold...about time one of them breaks that streak
Smith: I couldn't agree more. And...
~The cameras cut to ringside, when suddenly, the lights go out, leaving the arena in total darkness~
Smith: Well, what’s going on now?
Hood: Someone forgot to pay the power bill...again…
~Suddenly, the silence in the arena is broken by an all too familiar song…~
“Oh my God, please help me.
~The crowd roars with cheers as Lukas Emery comes walking out onto the stage.~
Smith: Oh my GOD1 Lukas Emery! He’s back!
Hood; Where the hell has he been??
~Emery makes his way down the ramp as his song continues to play~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to OCW, Lukas Emery!
~The crowd cheers as Lukas makes his way in the ring and gets handed a microphone. He goes to each of the four corners and climbs the turnbuckle to pose for the crowd before hopping down and going to the center of the ring~
Crowd: WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!
Lukas Emery: Well hell, did ya miss me?
~The crowd cheers.~
Lukas Emery: Bloody hell it feels good to be back. I do apologize for being away for so long, but I had some issues to deal with. The important thing is that I’m back….and back with a purpose. I’ve been keeping tabs on OCW lately, and there are two individuals I’m here to address…
~Lukas pauses for dramatic effect~
Lukas Emery: TIO and Matt Meyhu...boys, as I understand it, you two have an encounter approaching at the Greatest Show on Earth, and it is going to be for the OCW Championship...I’m sure it’s going to be one hell of a fight, but there is one thing I think both of you should know. Because no matter who wins, whether it be TIO, whether it be Meyhu, you WILL have a target on you. And between us...I’ll be aiming for a headshot. Cuz you see, while I’ve been gone for a while, I have come back...and I didn’t come back empty handed…
~Lukas reaches into his jacket and pulls out a piece of paper, as he unfolds it and holds it up for the camera to see. We can see that at the top it reads “Oh Shit!”~
Lukas Emery: This right here, is the Oh Shit contract that I won last year, earning me the opportunity to challenge for a championship at any point I choose. So consider this me putting the both of you on notice, I’m coming for the OCW Championship, no matter who I have to go through to get it. You’ve both been warned.
~Lukas drops the mic, as his music begins to play again, as he makes his way out of the ring~
Hood: That’s bullshit! There’s no way that contract is still valid. He thinks he can just show up after being away for months and just declare he’s getting a title shot?
Smith: I mean, he does bring up a point about what the contract states. I’m sure OCW management will have to look further into the details of this situation.
Hood: Well we need a fucking answer pretty damn quickly. Meyhu and TIO are going to WAR in two weeks...and it's an Iron Man Match...I mean, think about that. Two guys, wrestling for an entire hour...the winner is going to be fucking exhausted...
Smith: That is a very lucid point, Hood. It makes a person wonder if Lukas didn't get wind of that match stipulation and decide to return knowing it might be a guaranteed OCW Title victory
Hood: Of course that's the reason! He's banging Barnes, isn't he? She probably told him about it!
Smith: Well that I don't know...but what I do know is now both men have something to be concerned about...at least until we get word from our GM. In the meantime...let's go back to Canada and pray for the safety of Ruth Ann Grenier
Knee deep in the river trying to get clean.
He says wash your hands, get out the stains, bu ya best believe boy there’s hell to pay.
Yeah ya best believe boy there’s hell to pay.”
~Chad Vargas sits on Ruth Ann’s porch, he looks around and finds a pint of Canadian Mist whiskey underneath her rocker. Vargas leans over and grabs the bottle. He looks it over and gives it a little shake. Shrugging, he pops the cap and takes a chug off the mother fucker. The look of his face says it all.~
Vargas: Mother fucker! That tastes like dirty pussy, raw sewage, and Josie Barnes’ armpits meshed all together! Welcome to fuckin Canada!
~Vargas shakes his head in disgust, shrugs again, and takes another haul off the bottle.~
Vargas: WHEEWW! Nasty! Ain’t nothing like Tennessee charged Jack Daniels!
~Never one to commit alcohol abuse regardless of the shittiness of the beverage, Vargas slams the rest of it down his gullet and tosses the bottle over the railing into the overgrown lawn below. Nothing worse than laziness, people who can’t even mow their own lawn. Vargas looks around, more in-depthly of his surroundings.~
Vargas: So this is where Bob Grenier grew up… Or… failed to grow up, I should say.
~The sight of a police car jars Vargas out of his thought. The police car pulls up and stops just in front of Ruth Ann’s dilapidated house. A scrawny bald cop hops out of the car after he places it in park. He goes around to the back of the cruiser, opening the door for none other than Ruth Ann Grenier. Vargas hangs his head in disappointment.~
Cop: Help you with anything, eh, sir?
Vargas: I don’t know, look in the mirror and ask yourself – I didn’t call you?
~Vargas turns to Ruth Ann, who looks scared shitless. Pale as a ghost.~
Cop: I found Ms. Grenier walking home from Titcombs. Gave her a lift home. She didn’t tell me she had a visitor.
Vargas: The name of the general store is really Titcombs?
Cop: Eh? Why yes it is. Is that a problem?
Vargas: Check your ego at the door step, pal. Your intimidation tactics ain’t gonna do shit for me. So kick rocks.
~The cop is taken back by Vargas’ disregard for his authority, or lack thereof. He puts his attention on Ruth Ann.~
Cop: Ms. Grenier, is this man bothering you?
~A visibly nervous Ruth Ann shakes her head vigorously.~
Ruth Ann: Oh no, Wyatt. This man is a friend of Bobby’s from fighting.
Cop: Boy, I thought you looked familiar. Well, in that case, I’ll be on my way. Give my regards to Bob!
~The cop tips his hat, and walks back to his cruiser, climbs in, cranks the engine and beats feet. Ruth Ann gulps as she walks closer to her steps. A brown bag she clutches in her arms.~
Vargas: Well Ruthie, I almost thought you called the cops on me. I’m proud of you.
Ruth Ann: I ain’t no narc. You crossed the line, boy oh boy did you. But you will pay for your sins!
Vargas: I will discuss it when I reach the pearly gates, darling!
Ruth Ann: Oh no. The Lord above will have his way with you too, but I’m talking about when my Bobby gets his hands on you!!! You are going to get your ass WHOOPED!!!
~Vargas snickers as he stands up from Ruth’s rocking chair, he starts walking down the steps as she walks up them.~
Vargas: Your boy is as good as dead, darlin’. DEAD. Wait until I get my hands on his ass! I’m gonna give him an extra beating just because of your mouth. I’m not gonna hold it against you though, madam. You gotta watch out for your kin, I can respect that. But he is fucked. What did he say? He gonna keep ole Aunt Ruth Ann’s house from being burnt to the fucking ground, or what?
~Ruth Ann sighs as she takes a seat on her rocking chair, reaching into her bag she begins opening a fresh pack of Marlboro reds.~
Ruth Ann: …He didn’t answer the phone… I left a message. Matter of fact. I life 3 messages. His mama tells me he just got engaged, he is very busy over there in the states, but you better bet your bottom dollar that he will hear those messages, and he will come straight for that redneck ass of yours!!! I told him all about you assaulting me and threatening me! Bobby loves his family, and he will do anything to protect us! YOU have signed your own death warrant, son! You think I’m gonna tell those useless pigs about your actions? HECK NO!!! Those Barney Fifes couldn’t begin to punish you as bad as what Bobby is going to do to you!!! Count down the days son, because NUFFIN’ you say or do is going to stop Bobby for ending your life!
~Vargas is taken back by her sudden “balls”. Surprised and impressed. He nods, smiling, taking it all in.~
Vargas: For your sake, Ruthie, I sure as fuck hope so. I hope he hears your message and jumps into action, else I will have to turn this mother fucker up a notch. I’m giving him 5 days to agree to my terms, or else poof.
~Vargas smirks arrogantly as he slowly walks to his rental car. By this time, Ruth has a cig hanging from her lips. She stands from her rocker.~
Ruth Ann: Hey blondie…
~Vargas turns back toward Ruth as he opens the driver’s door to his car.~
Ruth Ann: FUCK YOU!!! PIG FUCKER!!! ROT IN HELL!!! BOBBY IS GOING TO MURDER YOU!!! PIG FUCKER!!!
~She doubly flips him off with both of her hands. Vargas can’t help but laugh as he reaches up, and ‘catches’ both of her birds and tucks them in his pockets. He smiles again, as he waves, hopping in the car, he fires the engine and speeds off. Thinking to himself, “Pig fucker?” We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Well thankfully Ruth Ann Grenier emerged mostly unharmed from that interaction
Hood: Why are you surprised? That woman would probably survive a nuclear blast
Smith: She is tough. What troubles me is Vargas saying he might turn things up a notch if Grenier doesn't accept the challenge within the next few days. I mean...I think it's pretty obvious Grenier is disinterested in this entire situation
Hood: Well he'd better get interested otherwise Vargas is going to start fucking shit up in a major way. If there's one thing you don't get in the way of...it's The Confederate Icon and his OCW Title aspirations
Smith: I can only imagine what he has in store if Grenier fails to accept. I mean, for goodness sakes! He choked an old woman...what could be worse than that?
Hood: I think we've seen a few examples in this program alone
Smith: *sigh* Yea, I think we have. What a place OCW is sometimes. Well fans, I'm told Who'Re has been taken to a local shelter for counseling after her encounter with Crimson earlier this evening. So, in her place we have AKB standing backstage for an interview.
~The cameras cut to the backstage interview area, where we see AKB standing by~
AKB: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, Lukas Emery.
~The fans cheer as Emery comes into the shot~
AKB: Earlier tonight you shocked everyone by returning to OCW and delivering a controversial statement by announcing your intentions to challenge for the OCW Championship.
Lukas Emery: Well, I don’t know how controversial that all was, but I’m not here to talk about all that.
AKB: Then, why are you here?
Lukas Emery: Well, if you must know, when i was out there, I said I didn’t come back to OCW empty handed, I also didn’t come back alone. So, allow me to introduce the newest signee to the OCW roster...Amelia Emery!
~The fans cheer as Lukas’s sister, Amelia, comes into the shot~
AKB: Amelia? You’re going to be wrestling?
Amelia Emery: Sure sounds like it, doesn’t it?
AKB: But, do you have any experience?
Amelia Emery: Have I had a match? No, but I do have some of the best teachers a girl could ask for, including the future OCW Champion himself, Lukas Emery.
Lukas Emery: Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have some business to tend to.
~The two walk off, as the cameras cut to the announce team~
Smith: ANOTHER new signing? The heck is going on around here? What happened to the ten person roster?
Hood: I think we all know what's going on...a twenty person roster cap
Smith: SERIOUSLY?
Hood: Yep...at least until someone else applies. Then it will be raised to thirty...and so on and so on
Smith: I guess it's hard for a promoter to say no to a talented in ring competitor. Anyway...what I'm most interested about is the contract Emery is holding
Hood: Not me...I'm into this Amelia chick. She's way better looking than that other Amelia who was abducted by aliens while trying to fly across the ocean
Smith: Fans, Hood's views are not shared by the rest of OCW
Hood: The truth is out there, Smith
~"Down" by Otep plays in the arena, Julliet comes out from behind the curtain and the crowd starts cheering. She walks down the ramp as the camera gets a close up view of her stitches on her forehead, taking time to clap each hand at ringside before she gets in the ring and grabs a mic. Her music dies down as she starts to speak. ~
Julliet Brooks: I'm not scheduled to compete tonight, but I thought I'd come out here to address a couple of things. Last week I picked up a victory over my match against Josie Barnes, but as I was set to head to the backstage area, I got blindsided by that monster known as Crimson. He threw me in this very ring and brutally attacked me like a ravished dog, assaulted me and made me bleed and what made matters worse is I had to be sent off on a stretcher, because I could hardly stand. This is a second time I've been a bloody mess and frankly enough is enough.
~She shook her head and put the mic down to for a minute to catch a breather~
Julliet Brooks: I'm sure by now you're going to argue and complain about the attacks I've done in return to you, but everyone will agree when I say that you deserved it. You think you're the craziest person in this company? Well guess what? You made your match and you're looking at her, but I want to prove to you and everyone else that I'm a hell of alot more crazier and talented than you. I see there's an open slot at The Greatest Show on Earth ppv, and I talked to Marcus Welsh earlier and he said we can take it, so I was thinking we should have a match.
~She smirks and walks over to the ropes and leans forward against it then looks towards the camera~
Julliet Brooks: I'm sure we all have seen when I faced Chad Vargas in a three levels of hardcore match a couple months ago. Instead of having a repeat of that, why don't we take things a little further and beat the holy shit out of each other in what I like to call a four hundred and forty-five light tube death match. That means that there will be four hundred and forty-five light tubes that will be surrounding the ring and whatever we do with them is up to us. I can think of a few ways to use them properly. So, what do you say, Fury? Are you up for the challenge? I heard it's been awhile since you put yourself in a match quite like this. It'll be quite the fun time... at least for me anyway. As for you.. you'll be left with lessons and regret in your flesh. Regardless, of that. I want an answer and I'll give you a couple days to give me one.
~She drops the mic and leaves the ring~
Hood: I TOLD YOU...A FUCKING DEATH MATCH
Smith: It's not technically a death match...although with that much glass...I guess it could turn deadly
Hood: That thing is going to have more fucking blood than a red cross blood drive
Smith: It will be a bloody affair...talk about a match, though. One of the greatest female competitors in wrestling history taking on one of the most infamous names in OCW history and one of the most violent wrestlers on the planet today. That's a match worthy of the main event in and of itself!
Hood: The Greatest Show on Earth is starting to live up to its name. I'm fucking stoked...ya know, aside from having to travel to Nebraska
Smith: It won't be that bad
Hood: True, it's gotta be better than Southern Louisiana...Holy shit man that was like a third world country
Smith: Well folks, our main event is just about ready to go...but first, I'm told we've got our GM Marcus Welsh standing by
~We cut backstage where AKB is standing by with Marcus Welsh. Knux stands ominously in the background, keeping a close eye on the GM~
AKB: Mr. Welsh…it’s been a wild night so far…and there are a ton of questions. So let’s get to them. First off…have you heard from Grenier in regards to the match offer against Chad Vargas
Marcus Welsh: I have not. We have tried reaching Mr. Grenier. But, Mr. Grenier simply seems set on retirement.
AKB: And what if Vargas takes things to another level?
Marcus Welsh: Hey, listen…I’m here to make my owner money. Vargas versus Grenier is a major money match. So if Vargas can entice Grenier without being thrown in prison…I won’t stand in his way.
AKB: What about the rumors of the Kestrel and Curt Canon winner receiving the option of competing in a #1 Contenders Match instead of facing the new Craze Champion?
Marcus Welsh: Until you hear that come out of my mouth, it’s just a rumor. But, I will say this…Curt Canon or Kestrel would make a great contender for the OCW Title.
AKB: Okay…that’s extremely ambiguous. Now, what about the Crimson, Brooks match. Is that official?
Marcus Welsh: It is official. We worked out the agreement earlier this evening. It will take place at The Greatest Show on Earth in some type of light tube match…that was a major point of emphasis during negotiations. And, that’s not all…the winner will earn a #1 Contenders Match.
AKB: Wow! So you’re saying we could see a potential match up of the Brooks/Crimson winner facing the Kestrel/Canon winner with the winner of that getting an OCW Title match?
Marcus Welsh: There's probably a scenario which leads toward that outcome. Man, you’re on point tonight. What’s the deal?
AKB: Oh, I don’t know. The whole Who’Re thing has me down. I guess I’m just not feeling as mischievous as usual.
Marcus Welsh: Well, damn…who knew it took depression to get you to act professional
AKB: Yea, I guess…but, anyway, onto my final question. This Lukas Emery situation…were you aware of it and, if so, does he have an argument?
Marcus Welsh: First of all…I got wind that Mr. Emery would be appearing tonight. When I inquired as to why, I received the details. I promptly cancelled the contract signing between Meyhu and TIO. I hope to have that rescheduled for next week.
AKB: Why did you cancel their contract signing?
Marcus Welsh: Because it’s an Iron Man match. Lukas Emery would be guaranteed an OCW Title shot if he cashed in. I need to have my legal team research this contract and see if we can get out of it…otherwise, I may be forced to reevaluate this stipulation
AKB: Do you think the contract is legit?
Marcus Welsh: I honestly don’t know. Those things aren’t written with the mindset that the promotion will go on hiatus before it’s cashed in. We all thought Lukas would cash in fairly quickly. His hesitation on cashing in created a unique situation. We’ll have to see what becomes of it.
AKB: And his sister…is she signed?
Marcus Welsh: She is and I hope…I HOPE Lukas realizes the favor I’m doing him by signing her and reconsiders his position on this whole Oh Shit Contract situation.
AKB: Well thanks for the time, Mr. Welsh. Let’s head back to ringside
~We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: That Emery situation is going to weigh heavily on the OCW Title match as we head into The Greatest Show on Earth. The sooner it's clarified, the better
Hood: I'm so disappointed in AKB. That was his worst segment ever
Smith: Really? I thought it was his best.
Hood: You just confirmed my belief.
Smith: Well, whatever...anyway, we've got a lot of answers along with some additional questions. The Greatest Show on Earth is only two weeks away and things are really getting interesting. Having said that...it's time for our main event...let's head down to ringside
Main Event – A Marvel Returns
‘The Marvel’ Matt Meyhu (4.5) vs. “Dirty Rascal” Anthony Wentz (-1.5)
~The bell rings. The crowd jumps to their feet. It’s MAIN EVENT time!~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen – it is now time for our Main Event of the Evening!!!
~The entire crowd does something most OCW crowd are incapable of achieving. They chant in unison, as one. That chant, you ask? “WENTZ! WENTZ! WENTZ!” It echoes throughout the arena. It’s obvious who the fans are cheering for in the forthcoming Massacre main event~
Smith: This crowd is entirely behind the newcomer, Anthony Wentz.
Hood: Fucking morons…that’s why they are sitting where they’re seated and why Meyhu is standing where he’s standing
Smith: You know pulling for the underdog is in the heart of every American
Hood: Ah yes, that makes so much sense, Smith. Especially when you consider how we demolish and police all the little countries of the world.
Belvedere: Introducing first…
~ The lights fade to black and purple as Street Punks by Vince Staples begins blasting out the arena's speakers. The ‘WENTZ!’ chants turn into a ridiculous pop! 'Dirty Rascal' Anthony Wentz walks out from behind the curtains and raises his arms up. As he lowers them, he begins moving towards the ring. At ringside, he pauses as the crowd chants his name.. then he climbs into the ring and taunts the crowd some more before the music fades and the lights turn back to normal~
Belvedere: From Sacramento, California…standing six feet tall and weighing in at 190lbs… ‘Dirty Rascal’ Anthony Wentz!!!
Smith: He looks ready, Hood
Hood: I’d fucking hope so. This isn’t Paralysis he’s going against. This is THE MARVEL
~The ‘WENTZ!’ chants resume once his music comes to a close. He hops around, energized by the positive reaction. The Dirty Rascal looks primed, ready for an upset. Belvedere brings the mic to his mouth. This crowd instantly begins to boo~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~’BOOOO’ fills the arena. A “FUCK YOU MEYHU” chant starts to rise up. Belvedere remains composed in the middle of the ring. Wentz encourages the hatred toward his opponent~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’5 and weighing in at 240lbs…he is a former OCW Champion and the 2017 Heel of the Year…he is…’The Marvel’ Matt Meyhu!!!
~BOOOOO goes the crowd. Meyhu stands in the center of the ring, arms outstretched, taking in the reaction. Belvedere exits the ring. Meyhu finishes soaking in the hate and steps back, placing his focus on the young newcomer situated across the ring~
Smith: One of Chicago’s finest, Matt Meyhu is set to make his 2018 in ring debut!
Hood: You have to admire the man’s loyalty, Smith
Smith: And why’s that
Hood: After all these year’s he’s still from Chicago. He’s not one to hop around. Very loyal man, that Marvel guy!
Smith: It’s his HOMETOWN
~Suddenly, “Who Taught You How to Hate” by Disturbed ploughs it’s way through the arena! The crowd jumps to their feet with sudden ebullience! They are frenzied for the champion! TIO steps out from behind the curtain with the OCW Title over his shoulder. He walks around with an acute awareness of everything that surrounds~
Smith: It’s the champ!
Hood: He’s jealous of Anthony Wentz! He’s out here to beat him senseless with the belt! It’s a good thing Matt Meyhu is here to stop such an act
Smith: I doubt very much that’s why he’s out here
~Meyhu turns, watching TIO. His presence doesn’t seem to bother The Marvel too much. TIO glares into the ring at Meyhu. They maintain this OLD WESTERN type stare down until TIO reaches the announce table~
Smith: Yes! He’s going to join us! Just the elixir we need after having the Marvel here last week
Hood: Blah…I don’t want to look at fucking baby photos all match long…c’mon!
Smith: I wouldn’t mind seeing a few! I love family photos!
~TIO stands next to Hood. Hood refuses to hand him a headset~
Hood: Nope, I will not be associated with your propaganda!
Smith: Hood, just give him a headset!
~TIO places his OCW Title on the announce table. He picks up Hood’s chair and carries it several feet away from the table. Hood freaks out, flailing his legs and arms around. The crowd at ringside laughs. TIO then grabs a third chair near the announce table – what a happy coincidence, and carries it next to Smith. He takes a seat and accepts a headset from Smith. In the background we see Hood carefully rolling his chair closer to the announce table~
Smith: So glad you could join us, champ!
TIO: Thanks Smith, it’s great to be out here!
~The bell rings! The crowd pops. The ‘WENTZ!’ chant continues, louder than ever. Over and over the entire crowd, in unison for once, chants “WENTZ! WENTZ! WENTZ!” It’s ridiculous. Meyhu slowly turns his head, looking throughout all sections of the crowd. He then places his eyes on the man of the minute, Anthony Wentz. Wentz is hopping around, fired up. He’s ready to go. Meyhu shakes his head and produces an arrogant laugh~
Smith: Are these fans getting to Meyhu?
Hood: No! He’s laughing at their fairy tale-like hopes and dreams.
Smith: Wentz winning isn’t a fairy tale!
Hood: Fuck yea it is…the Hunchback from Notre Dame has a better chance of getting laid than Wentz has of winning this match.
TIO: I’m sure some people said that about me early in my OCW career and look how I turned out. Don’t sell this guy short.
~Meyhu casually approaches Wentz. He extends his superior reach and pie faces Wentz!! The crowd boos!! Wentz staggers back a couple of steps with his head jerking to the right. Meyhu just laughs, looking down upon his diminutive opponent~
Smith: The arrogance of this man…it burns me up!
Hood: Makes sense…there should be an advisory for all people to wear shades whenever Matt Meyhu steps inside the ring
Smith: Let’s not get carried away
~Wentz suddenly fires up and charges at Meyhu. He drills the former champ with clubbing forearms to the chest. The crowd explodes with approval! He switches it up with some gut punches! A stunned Meyhu staggers back into a corner. The blows from Wentz are coming too fast for Meyhu to stop them…so he does the clichéd boxing move. He reaches out and snares Wentz with some type of hug. Scruff comes in, looking to break them up. The crowd boos loudly at Meyhu’s cheap method of halting Wentz’s momentum~
Smith: Oh come on! Scruff, let these guys compete!
Hood: It’s the rules, Smith! Why are you always condoning cheating around here?
Smith: I’m not an advocate for cheating…I’m just being reasonable…Meyhu is bending the rules to his advantage
Hood: Which is…say it with me…SMART
TIO: It’s typical Matt Meyhu. He’s always looking for a short cut.
~Wentz finally backs off, adhering to the rules. As soon as he does, Meyhu shoves Scruff aside, viciously grabs Wentz and spins around, slamming Wentz into the corner!! The crowd boos loudly. Meyhu delivers a few crushing overhand rights into the side of Anthony’s head. His knees buckle, slightly. It only takes a few shots to nearly send him to the mat. Meyhu sees this and smiles. He stops his assault and backs away, pointing at the easily clobbered opponent~
Smith: What a jerk!
Hood: Damn, I didn’t know Meyhu had Golden Glove type punching ability
Smith: That’s a bit over the top, don’t you think
Hood: Not as over the top as those right hands! BAM! SMASH! POW!
TIO: You call me out on propaganda? Listen to yourself!
~Meyhu heads back toward Wentz. He starts to choke Anthony. It’s nothing as aggressive as something you’d see Crimson do…it’s more of a bullying tactic. He’s showing Wentz he can do what he wants, when he wants. Scruff comes into break them apart. Meyhu holds on for the standard four and a half seconds. He’s about to release when Wentz, seizing an opportunity, kicks his leg out and drills Meyhu right in the crotch!!! Meyhu’s eyes widen. He releases the choke and staggers backward, bending over. The crowd goes wild~
Smith: There you go, Anthony!
Hood: Geezus…now you’re a public advocate for CHEATING?
Smith: He’s merely doing what he has to do
Hood: You’re something else, you know that?
TIO: Turnabout is fair play, Hood. Meyhu is simply getting what he deserves.
~Before Meyhu can recover, Wentz fires out of the corner, leaps into the air, grabs the back of Meyhu’s head and drills him, face first into the mat with a Tea Bag!!!! The crowd EXPLODES!!! “WENTZ! WENTZ! WENTZ!” Anthony pops to his feet, almost surprised by his own action~
Smith: He just tea bagged Meyhu
TIO: Haha, how about we put THAT on a t-shirt
Hood: This will NOT go on The Marvel’s resume…or a t-shirt!
Smith: But it might headline the resume of Anthony Wentz!
Hood: What a fucking disaster this could turn out to be…c’mon Meyhu!
~The crowd grows frenzied, yelling at Wentz to cover Meyhu. He reaches down but finds Meyhu rolling away, under the bottom rope and to the outside. The crowd boos! Wentz looks down over the top rope at The Marvel, who is on one knee, catching his breath, gathering his wits – trying to figure out what just happened. Wentz shoves the top rope in frustration. But, undaunted, he heads for the nearest corner and begins to climb~
Smith: Dang it! He could have pinned Meyhu right there!
Hood: No way. Remember Hiroshima, back in 40something?
Smith: No…I’m pretty sure nobody in this arena remembers that…we weren’t born yet
Hood: Oh, you think not? Well let me learn ya something, Smith. Matt Meyhu was directly underneath that bomb when it hit. And he STILL kicked out at two. That’s why he’s the Marvel.
TIO: Do you ever listen to yourself, Hood? This whole Meyhu shtick of yours is only fueling his already inflated ego.
~Wentz reaches the top buckle and looks down at the Marvel. Meyhu’s back is to Wentz. The crowd rises with anticipation. Meyhu is no rookie. He realizes what’s going on and turns around, finding Wentz perched, ready for attack. Meyhu quickly gets out of the way, hopping over the steps and landing safely on the other side of the ring. The crowd boos loudly. Wentz drops down onto the apron. Meyhu extends his arms and yells “Whoa! WHOA!”~
Smith: Sounds like Meyhu wants a restart
Hood: That or maybe Crimson’s HUMAN FLESH jacket is on that side of the ring
Smith: I think he’s just a little off balance with what’s taken place over the past few minutes…his ring rust is showing
Hood: That shit will be knocked off in a matter of minutes…just wait and see
TIO: Or maybe he’s lost it. Is Matt Meyhu simply not that good anymore?
~Meyhu takes his time outside, gathering himself. Wentz re-enters the ring and walks back and forth, waiting for The Marvel to re-enter. Scruff begins a count. He reaches six. Meyhu finally slides back into the ring. Wentz hurries over, reaching Meyhu right as he gets to his feet. Wentz whips Meyhu off the ropes…but The Marvel reverses and, after doing so, holds onto the arm of Anthony and yanks down as hard as he can!!! Wentz yells out in pain, dropping to his knees, clutching his shoulder! The crowd BOOOS! Meyhu smiles and points at his head~
Smith: What? That’s not fair!
Hood: It’s totally fair…not his fault Wentz is made of glass
Smith: Wentz sustained a slight injury last week at the hands of Kestrel. It takes more than a week to get over that kinda thing, you know
Hood: Maybe if you’re Anthony Wentz. But the fucking Marvel would have been healed seconds later
TIO: The Marvel wouldn’t have competed in that type of match. He would have avoided it like he does most challenges thrown his way.
~Meyhu’s aggressive side takes over…he reaches down and grasps at the injured appendage of Wentz. Anthony tries to fight him off but Meyhu is too strong. He’s able to extend the arm while standing – Wentz is on his knees. Meyhu starts to bend the arm to his left, applying unnatural pressure on the shoulder joint. Wentz winces and reaches for his shoulder with his free hand. The crowd groans and boos. Meyhu looks TIO’s way and shouts some disparaging comments the champion’s way~
Smith: Sounds like he’s giving you his version of a preview for your match in two weeks, TIO!
TIO: Yea well he’d better keep his attention on his opponent for tonight. Anthony Wentz has a lot of talent. It’d be a shame if Meyhu lost two weeks before our match…a real shame…
Hood: I can’t wait to see YOU submit to this in that Iron Man match…score ONE for The Marvel!
TIO: Don’t hold your breath, Hood.
~As a result of taunting TIO, Meyhu’s grip on Wentz’s arm has loosened. Wentz is able to get to his feet. Meyhu jerks on the arm. Wentz drops to his back. He kips up! He drops to his back again and kips up again. He does this again and again and again as he leads Meyhu around in a circle. Meyhu looks around, thrown off by the athleticism and repetitive movement of Wentz. The crowd starts to count each kip up. They get to ‘EIGHT’!~
Smith: Look at this young man’s athleticism! My gosh!
TIO: I’m impressed!
Hood: Yea, great, so he can kip up…what point is this serving?
Smith: He’s throwing The Marvel off his game
Hood: Nothing could throw The Marvel off his game…not even a Dangerous Dan promo
~The crowd counts up to ‘NINE’ awaiting the tenth. Meyhu shakes his head, finally having had enough of this foolishness. Wentz is on his back, about to kip up for the tenth consecutive time. Meyhu violently jerks his injured arm, torturing the already wounded joint. Wentz yells out in pain and falls onto his back, mid kip up! The crowd boos, really wanting that tenth kip up. Meyhu drops to one knee and sinks in the arm wrench, twisting at the shoulder joint~
Smith: Ugh…he’s going to rip that young man’s arm right out of its socket!
Hood: Yea well that’s what he gets for flopping around like a fucking fish
Smith: I found it to be uniquely entertaining
Hood: Uniquely entertaining…a euphemism for TRASH…kinda like Alice Knight
TIO: Always hating on us Canadians. Sounds like an inferiority complex.
~Wentz, feeling a sense of desperation, see-saws his body back and forth, north and south, building up some momentum. He’s able to get his legs into the air and, in doing so, places his left foot into the side of Meyhu’s face. The Marvel, obviously bothered by this, shakes his head, trying to deflect the pesky boot…but, unwilling to give up the hold, he’s having trouble doing so. Wentz applies pressure into the side of Meyhu’s face, trying to pry the former OCW Champion off of him and, more importantly, release the vice grip he’s got on his injured shoulder~
Smith: C’mon, Anthony! He’s close to breaking free!
Hood: Would that fucker get his nasty ass feet OUT of the Marvel’s face? Talk about disrespectful!
Smith: He will as soon as Meyhu ceases in trying to cripple his arm
Hood: Oh so now you want Meyhu to just forfeit the match, is that right? I bet you’d like that too, wouldn’t you future, former champion…
TIO: You can spout that company rhetoric all you want…the fact remains that I’m the current champion and I plan on carrying this belt for a very long time.
~Finally, Meyhu’s grip loosens, slightly. It gives Wentz the opening to rear back with his leg a bit and to kick Meyhu in the face! Meyhu’s head shakes, he blinks. Wentz does it again and again. Meyhu’s grip loosens even further! Wentz is able to bring his leg back pretty far this time and he thrust forward with a kick that delivers a resonating SMACK into the side of Meyhu’s head!! Meyhu instantly lets go of the hold and stands up, stumbling around. The chants “WENTZ!” urging him to get up~
TIO: Yes! There ya go, kid! Fight back!
Smith: C’mon, Anthony! Now’s your chance!
Hood: So much for professionalism…TOTALLY out the window
Smith: I’m sorry, I can’t help it!
~Wentz suddenly kips up! The crowd yells out in unison “TEN!!” Wentz smiles and SUPERKICKS Meyhu right underneath the chin!!! Meyhu staggers back and falls through the ropes, landing on the apron. He gets to his feet rather quickly, simply stunned. Wentz runs into the ropes, he bounces off and he lunges through the air with a flying knee into Meyhu’s face!! The Marvel flies off the apron and lands, ribcage first into the top of the barricade!! His right arm is draped over, into the fan area while the rest of his body slumps down toward the mat covered floor surrounding the ring. The fans are going wild while Wentz takes a moment to work his shoulder around, inside the ring~
Smith: Yes! Did you see that knee?! My goodness…he nearly knocked the teeth right out of Meyhu’s head!
Hood: Fucker is going to RUIN the FACE of OCW!
Smith: The face is sitting right next to us, Hood. Get your facts straight
Hood: My facts are straight! Your facts are the ones that are all bent and backwards
TIO: Technically I’d argue the entire roster comprises the face of OCW. It takes more than one person to keep this place afloat. Never forget that.
~Meyhu slowly begins to rise off the barricade. He stands and rubs his jaw which has to be incredibly sore. Wentz stretches out his sore left arm and finds it to be in decent enough shape. He sprints toward the ropes, bounces off and charges in Meyhu’s direction. Meyhu is looking down, wincing with pain. Wentz reaches the ropes…he leaps into the air, lands on the top rope, maintains his balance and springboards off with a Shooting Star Press! Meyhu looks up, but it’s too late…Wentz lands right on top of Meyhu, smashing him into the barricade!! The crowd goes wild! Wentz stumbles backward, his lower back bumping into the edge of the apron. He reaches around, rubbing his lower back while Meyhu falls to the ground, on top of his right shoulder with his back flush against the barricade~
Smith: What a move…what athleticism! I knew he was skilled by this is…pardon the phrasing – incredible!
TIO: Normally I’d take umbrage with someone stealing my moniker but at this moment, during this match I’m willing to make an incredible exception!
Hood: Might wanna check your pants, Smith
Smith: They are dry and flat
Hood: Sounds like FAKE NEWS to me
~Wentz goes after Meyhu, sensing a big opportunity. He grabs Meyhu by the left arm and drags him away from the barricade. He pulls Meyhu up, to his feet. Meyhu violently shoves Wentz off him. Wentz, again, staggers back into the apron. Meyhu stumbles away, near the announce table~
Smith: Oh no, not again!
Hood: Don’t worry…unlike SOME people, The Marvel won’t lunge over the table with some type of desperation attack
TIO: The only person lunging for anything is you diving head first toward The Marvel’s dick
~Meyhu reaches the front of the announce table and places both hands, palm first. TIO scoots back, looking up at his rival. He’s ready for anything. Meyhu, though, doesn’t seem focused on TIO. Wentz straightens up and heads toward Meyhu. Meyhu’s back faces Wentz…but he can sense Wentz coming. Meyhu suddenly reaches out and snares the OCW Title. TIO stands up, quickly. Meyhu spins around and he DRILLS Wentz in the head with the belt!! Wentz goes limp. He falls to his knees and then collapses face first. The crowd boos. Scruff, inside the ring, flies through the ropes to inspect what’s happened. Meyhu quickly turns around and tosses the belt at TIO, who catches it out of instinct~
Smith: C’mon, Scruff…DQ the man! He clearly cheated!
Hood: I don’t think Scruff saw it…Meyhu was too quick! Meyhu is too quick for the human eye
Smith: Now that’s ridiculous
~A furious TIO hops over the announce desk and threatens Meyhu with the title. Scruff stands and spots this. Meyhu cowers in fear from TIO and points at him. He then points at Wentz. Scruff sizes up the situation~
Smith: What is this? What is this man doing?
Hood: He’s obviously very afraid of a heavily armed TIO. And who could blame him?
Smith: Heavily armed? I think that’s a major case of hyperbole
Hood: Hyper bowl? Is that like the superbowl for people with ADHD?
Smith: No
~TIO has a look on his face like “Come on, Scruff.” Scruff reaches a decision and he motions for TIO to leave the ringside area. The fans go BOOOOOO!!! TIO is pissed! He yells down at Scruff and pleads his case. Scruff just shrugs and points toward the back. OCW Security, led by Knux make their way down the ramp. TIO sees the situation and heads that way. Meyhu grabs Wentz and tosses him back into the ring. He slides into the ring, ready to pin Wentz. He then sees TIO waiting at the bottom of the ramp for Knux. Knux pauses, holding his team back. Meyhu slides under the bottom rope…he walks up behind TIO and drills him from behind with an elbow!! TIO drops the belt and staggers up the ramp. Meyhu grabs the belt and waits for TIO to turn around. He does and Meyhu waffles TIO with the belt!!! TIO slams into the steel ramp way. Meyhu drops the belt on top of TIO and turns his attention back toward the ring~
Smith: And that’s the man you think is the face of OCW?
Hood: Absofuckinglutely
Smith: A sneaky, coward of a man
Hood: Hey, he may be sneaky but he’s no fucking coward
~Knux orders security to take TIO and his belt backstage. Meyhu stands, facing the ropes. He points at Knux and does a few pantomimed movements like an elbow strike and a kick. He then points at Knux. Knux gives Meyhu and nod of affirmation before following the security team backstage~
Smith: That despicable man was telling Knux to beat TIO up backstage!
Hood: Wow…talk about talented. I had no idea Meyhu was fluent in sign language!
Smith: I wouldn’t call that legit sign language, Hood
Hood: Matt Meyhu…the multi lingual man. And yet you still want a CANADIAN as our face
~Meyhu turns around to deal with Wentz. As he does, he’s SMACKED in the face with a Roaring Forearm Smash (Roaring Salute)!! Meyhu stumbles back into the ropes…he ricochets off and stumbles toward Wentz. Wentz wraps him up in a Small Package! The crowd jumps to their feet…Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!
Smith: He kicked out!!
Hood: Holy shit!! What’s with this place tonight…are we TRYING to ruin all our good wrestlers? First Muffles and now THIS?
Smith: I like it…we’re seeing the next wave of OCW talent
Hood: Yea and you probably think that disgusting as fuck EGG taco from Taco Bell is a good idea, too
~Wentz slaps the mat with his palms in frustration. Meyhu is seated upright, shaking his head, dazed. Wentz crawls toward Meyhu and grabs him by the hair…they both get to their feet. Wentz tries to hook Meyhu for a suplex but Meyhu head butts Wentz! Wentz stumbles, his knees weaken. Meyhu hooks him for the Ego Trip!! The crowd yells ‘NO!’ Wentz elbows Meyhu in the head! Meyhu’s knees weaken…his grip loosens. Wentz then spins around and drills Meyhu with a SECOND Roaring Salute!! The former champ leans into Wentz, his arms hanging limp. Wentz looks into the crowd they are going crazy…”WENTZ! WENTZ WENTZ!” He starts to hook Meyhu for a suplex~
Smith: He’s going for POV!
Hood: What the fuck is POV and will it hurt The Marvel?
Smith: It’s a vertical suplex dropped into a piledriver and, yes…it will very much hurt Matt Meyhu
Hood: NOOOO!
~Wentz has it hooked. He lifts Meyhu up. Meyhu kicks his legs and comes back down. Wentz tries again. Again Meyhu kicks his legs and comes back down. Wentz tries a third time, this time Meyhu blocks it with his leg. Wentz knees Meyhu in the gut a few times. He tries a fourth time. This time he gets Meyhu up! Wentz screams as the pressure applied to his wounded shoulder sends pain shooting through his body - yet he stands tall and doesn't succumb. Meyhu is vertical. The crowd is going wild. Meyhu thrust a knee down into the top of Anthony’s head! Wentz wobbles…Meyhu drops back to his feet…breaks free, hooks Wentz and drops him directly into the mat with Ego Trip!!! Wentz flips over onto his back…Meyhu makes the cover, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…“THE MARVEL” MATT MEYHU!!!!!
Hood: FUCK YES
Smith: Heartbreak for the second time this evening!
Hood: Heartbreak? Do you want an empty arena for The Greatest Show on Earth?
Smith: I think that’s a big overboard
Hood: I don’t…ruining the face of your company two weeks out from your biggest event? That would have been catastrophic
Smith: Agree to disagree…all I know is Matt Meyhu escaped a monumental upset tonight. What a fight by Anthony Wentz
Hood: Hey, I like the kid…but we’re talking about The Marvel here. I’d be pissed if he got pinned by Deadpool
Smith: I refuse to watch those filthy films.
~Meyhu gets to his feet. Scruff reaches for his arm. He shoves Scruff away and starts laying the boots to a downed Wentz. The crowd boos with the anger of a scorned housewife~
Smith: Oh come on! What does this prove?
Hood: It proves that he’s the alpha male…the dominant male hippo. You do not challenge the dominant male hippo, Smith
~Meyhu finally stops. The fans continue to boo. He holds his arms into the air, taunting the crowd. They chant “YOU SUCK” and “FUCK YOU MEYHU” which actually makes for a pretty catchy chant. He just smirks it off, throws his hands at the crowd like they’re all a bunch of losers and starts mugging for the camera~
Smith: This man just makes me sick…absolutely sick! I hope he gets what he deserves in two weeks
Hood: Oh so you want him to win the OCW Title back?
Smith: That isn’t what he deserves!
Hood: Then, what is?
Smith: A humbling loss at the hands of TIO
Hood: FAKE NEWS
Smith: It isn’t news, it’s an opinion
Hood: All news bulletins are opinions these days, Smith
Smith: I don’t know about that…but I do know that this man is not fit for the OCW Title. I can only hope TIO retains otherwise we could be in for some dark days. Anyway, we’re out of time folks! Hope you enjoyed this week’s Massacre and I hope next week we can give you the results YOU, as fans, deserve
Hood: The fuck are you talking about?
Smith: TIO defeating Knux! A happy ending!
Hood: Happy endings only happen in Disney Movies and shady massage parlors
~Before Smith can respond the show goes off the air~