OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, May 14th 2018
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
~A stupid long promo advertising STARZ is in the midst of airing. You sit there wondering why in the fuck you’re getting this promo when you already own STARZ. Does STARZ think you need more STARZ? How do you obtain more STARZ when you already have STARZ? Does STARZ think you hang out with people who don’t have STARZ? And, if so, what the fuck, STARZ? You think all my friends are broke ass blokes? Fuck off! Ugh, finally the fucking thing ends and that oh so sweet and savory “for mature audiences only” graphic pops up which seems a bit superfluous when you really think about it – I mean you ARE watching STARZ. Not like this is the damn CW…and, geezus, you suddenly hope there isn’t a promotion out there airing on the CW. Ahem…anyway…the OCW logo pops up and you go wild on your coach next to broke ass friend who can’t afford STARZ! It’s time for rasslin!!!~
~Instead of cutting directly to the OCW Arena and it’s wrestling starved fans…we cut to the parking lot. The sound of a car door slamming shut is heard. We see TIO standing next to his vehicle. His hair is pulled back, his beard is neatly trimmed and his shades are shiny and clean. His face, however, does not match the rest of his pristine, approachable appearance. His face tells the story of betrayal. He is angry. He is, also, devoid of a heavy piece of jewelry. The OCW Title is nowhere to be seen. AKB rushes up, attempting to get a word~
AKB: TIO! TIO! Any words on what happened last week? Are you still the champion?
~TIO brushes past AKB without so much as looking at him. He marches directly toward the arena and, hopefully, some answers. AKB is left to ponder~
AKB: So that’s what it feels like to be treated as less than…man, I feel so hollow, so unfulfilled. Really makes a person think…oh well, time to go find a girl and treat her like shit so I can feel better about myself.
~AKB whistles and heads off as it’s time for Monday Night Massacre to begin!! We cut to the OCW Arena as the fans inside are ravenous. A ‘WE WANT WRESTLING’ chant is already underway. Signs litter the crowd. A few of the notable ones read things like “HE DID IT FOR HIMSELF!” “CHECKERS IS PARALYZED WITH FEAR!” “I’D STILL F*CK JULLIET, I DON’T CARE WHAT HER FACE LOOKS LIKE THIS WEEK!” “human flesh JACKET!!” “DON’T RETIRE BOB!” “THE GUY NEXT TO ME CRYING ABOUT BOB RETIRING NEEDS TO GET HIS WEAK ASS OUTTA MY COUNTRY!” “BIG LEAGUE ‘THIS’ ED! JOSIE BARNES ALL THE WAY!!” “I WANT AN INVITATION TO A SUPERKICK PARTY!” and there are many others not worth mentioning – you know, shit like “ALICE ROOLEZ, HOOD DROOLZ!!” Anyway…the panning settles and we focus on the announce team~
Smith: Haha, Hood Drools…talk about creative! And with a Z no less!
Hood: Are you fucking retarded? That’s about as creative as your name
Smith: You leave my name alone! It’s a traditional name within my family…a long line of Smiths
Hood: Proof that Darwinism is a myth
Smith: Is this how it’s going to be this evening? We’re barely one minute into the show!
Hood: I don’t know, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see
Smith: Alright…anyway, welcome to Monday Night Massacre, everybody! I’m your host Smith and alongside me, as always, is Hood. And, tonight…
“LA… LA, LA LA… Wait Till I Get My Money Right…”
~“Can’t Tell Me Nothing” hits and the lights dim. ‘The Marvel’ Matt Meyhu steps out onto the ramp and is met with boos. Wearing his ‘I did it for MYSELF’ shirt, Meyhu smirks and walks down the ramp, jawing at fans the whole way. He hops up onto the ring apron and through the ropes before grabbing a microphone. He looks around and takes in the moment briefly as the music fades~
Matt Meyhu: I’m baaaaaaaaaack.
~He looks around at the sea of fans yelling at him~
Matt Meyhu: And boy is it good to be back. The time away was tough, you know? I mean, I survived. I get to live with all this. But you all were prevented from being around greatness. How did you manage? You seem angry about it, that’s for sure. But don’t you worry… I made it back just in time!
~Meyhu smiles wide as more boos fill the air~
Matt Meyhu: Is that anyway to treat your rightful champion? You should be ashamed of yourselves. That’s okay, I get it. I missed you all as much as you missed me. But I didn’t have a choice, did I? I had to come back! My name was getting dropped left and right last week! You guys may not be behind me, but my real fans… The ones in the back… They summoned me last week. The Incredible One made sure you were convinced that he’s not scared of me.
~The fans erupt for the OCW Champion. Meyhu shakes his head.~
Matt Meyhu: He clearly wants me back. I complete him! Good ol’ Mike Zybala had the guts to call me out.
~Cheers for the commissioner! Meyhu rolls his eyes.~
Matt Meyhu: He wants a piece of this. A little unprofessional if you ask me, but what the hell. And Mr. Irrelevant himself, Chad Vargas…
~Crickets. Meyhu confidently nods.~
Matt Meyhu: I’m glad after all we’ve been through, we can see eye to eye on something! We won’t waste any time on that. The point is, ‘The Marvel’ is in high demand around these parts. Everybody wants a shot at me. Everybody wants to see how they stack up against the most talented man to walk down this ramp. It’s honor, really. Normally… Normally, that is how a champion is treated. And even after all this time has gone by, and after the unfortunate events that closed down OCW, I get the champion treatment. I wonder why that is. Everybody who gets into this business wants to be the champion. And how do you do that? By beating the champion. Do you know who took a shortcut there? Do you know who got the crown of ‘champion’ without even beating a champion?
~Meyhu looks around, shaking his head.~
Matt Meyhu: The guy you morons were just cheering at the top of your lungs for. The world traveler himself! The Incredible One!
~More cheers come in, but Meyhu tries his best to cut them off.~
Matt Meyhu: No no no no no… Do not cheer for him! He pinned CJ O’Donnell for that title! CJ wasn’t the champion. I was! No, I am! Everybody around here thinks it, and I’m here to prove it. I came back here for one reason, and that is to put that OCW Title back around my waist. And it isn’t about parading around the globe, trying to find more people to like me. It certainly isn’t about putting on a show for the scumbags in this arena. It’s about what’s right, and what’s wrong. You’ve all been cheering the wrong guy! And that’s fine by me, because I don’t want you. I don’t NEED you like he does.
~The smile is now absent from Meyhu’s face as he does his best to ignore the fans screaming at him.~
Matt Meyhu: There is only one thing I need. It took an act of god to shut this place down and rob me of my rematch last year, but I don’t think you’ll be so lucky this time around. Shit, you’re halfway there already. Where is your precious title right now, buddy? Cause it’s not around your waist. Pfft, and you call yourself a champion. But not for long. You’ve already had the physical title taken from you, and I plan to take the rest. You see, on June 11th, at The Greatest Show on Earth, Matt Meyhu reclaims what is rightfully his. What he never truly lost.
~Meyhu drops the mic and “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” hits again as he makes his way out of the ring~
Smith: Strong words from the former champion
Hood: He’s not wrong, Smith. Meyhu lost the OCW Title without being pinned…technically he should be CO-OCW Champion. But, I mean, let’s get real here…who wants a Co-Champion scenario, right?
Smith: I agree, those are horrible
Hood: Exactly so Meyhu should be SOLE OCW Champion!
Smith: Talk about unfair! Champions lose their titles in similar fashion all the time. It’s the nature of pro wrestling. Triple threats, cage matches, you name it!
Hood: Not around here they don’t…not unless their name is Special K or Kreller Masters
Smith: The two worst OCW Champions of all time
Hood: Yes…Matt Meyhu is one of the GREATEST OCW Champions of all time…so, what happened to him was a fucking travesty the likes of which the World has never known. It is time for justice! It’s time for Meyhu to regain his property!
Smith: A very skewed view is all I’ll say. But, Meyhu will receive that opportunity in a month’s time at The Greatest Show on Earth.
Hood: That is…unless TIO has already been stripped of the title. For all we know Meyhu could be the new champion by the end of this evening!
Smith: Ugh, I hope not. The only thing worse than Co-Champions is a vacated belt.
Hood: Normally I’d agree…but when the current champion is Mr. Family Guy TIO…then a vacant title suddenly doesn’t sound so bad
Smith: Whatever, he’s a great champ! Anyway, folks, we’re just getting started with tonight’s festivities. We’ve already seen our current champ and heard from our former champ…so, what’s next? Well, let’s head backstage!
~We cut backstage to Who’Re. The crowd cat calls the erotically attractive female who desperately seeks to be taken seriously. She flashes a nervous smile before gaining composure and speaking~
Who’Re: Hey guys! Who’Re here with a lead on what appears to be a very interesting development. You see…
~Suddenly, Jack Puffer pops into view~
Jack Puffer: Interesting development, you say? Well, this sounds like a case for…
Voice: Mr. Putter!
~Puffer turns around to find EE standing nearby with his personal bodyguard, Barry Man is Low. Barry looks like he really hit the roids in the offseason. He’s super buff. That or his shirt is super tight – YOU BE THE JUDGE. EE walks up to Puffer, smiling~
EE: You no worry about that, Putter.
Jack Puffer: It’s Puffer
EE: Haha, what a story, Putter! But time for jokes are over. I’m serious, you serious?
Jack Puffer: As a full time detective, I’m always serious, sir
EE: The news is good! Barry Man is Low, the man who guards my body. He has important task. He take you to important location.
Jack Puffer: By jove – this sounds of extreme importance! Let’s go, right away!
~Puffer hurries off with Barry Man is Low. We watch them pile into a van with a NEBRASKA state license plate. We then focus back on EE who is standing next to Who’Re~
EE: Okay, now that he gone you continue
~Who’Re smiles. EE walks away~
Who’Re: As I was saying…big potential news tonight, everyone. I’ve been told that GM Marcus Welsh has come to terms with a major talent. I’ve also been informed that that signing could take place – tonight! Stay tuned!
~Who’Re smiles. We cut back to the announce team~
Smith: Wow…that sure does sound interesting, Hood. A new face in OCW!
Hood: Wasn’t this roster supposed to be capped at 10?
Smith: There are some talents you just can’t turn away, Hood
Hood: The powers that be are so fucking weak.
Smith: Well, why don’t you find them and express your concerns?
Hood: Because I’m busy out here making sure you don’t fuck up
Smith: Haha, right
~The beautiful Danica McKellar stands in the ring with a microphone in hand. This is Bob Grenier’s love interest. She is also known as Winnie Cooper on the Wonder Years.~
DK: Ladies and gentleman, Put your hands together for my man and your personal favorite.. Former OCW Champion, Former OCW Internet Champion, OCW Hall of Famer, He’s the Whoremaster, The Nothern Hammer, The Pride of Timmins, Ontario, and the bastard son of the North.. The Pride of Canada..The undeniable, The charismatic, The violent and hardworking man who pumps the blood through the heart of OCW.. BOB FUCKING GRENIER!!!
~Smart Went Crazy sounds and the arena goes dark. ~
~The lights pop back on and the crowd erupts into cheers as Grenier makes his way to the stage. He stops and looks down the aisle into the ring at his fiancée and winks at her as he slowly makes his way to the ring. He slaps a few hands along the way and slides into the ring. He embraces his future wife, who then places a microphone in his hand. The crowd breaks out into a wall shaking chant of “You aint’ done yet” referring to his impending retirement. ~
Bob Grenier: “Today I stand before you an OCW Hall of famer. I'm a former OCW World Heavyweight champion. When I said there is nothing left to prove, I meant it. I will honor the terms of my contract with Online Championship Wrestling but It will not be in a wrestling capacity. Truth be told, I've lost my passion for this work. I'm ready for phase 2 of my career. I'm ready to settle into a backstage role. I'm ready to train the next generation of stars. There is that chance that something pulls me back or an offer comes along that entices me.. But I doubt it. An automatic title shot would do that but I'm the first guy who knows you have to work for those opportunities and quite honestly, I'm done working.”
~The crowd applauds and a chant of ONE MORE MATCH breaks out with a dueling YOU AINT DONE YET chant by the other side of the arena.~
Bob Grenier: “I've had some wars in OCW. Wars with Chad Vargas, Scott Syren and Mack O’Connor. You haven't felt pain until you've been put through the side of a cage or thrown 337 feet from the top of the green monster in Fenway Park and literally hung from the rafters clinging to life, I should be dead.. but at 34 years old I'm still able to walk and piss and shit without pain, and I'm only dependent on Marijuana for recreational purposes..”
~A huge “MARIJUANA” begins to echo through the arena.~
Bob Grenier: “Shout out to Weed Maps Yo! You guys are rambunctious tonight. This is phenomenal. There is no greater feeling in the world than performing for this audience. I could have another match at the highest level and It would be a show stealer like it is every time I enter this ring, but nothing is enticing right now... There's no opponent I could really sink my teeth into unless it's Meyhu or Bishop. That's my level. That's the level I know I'm on. That's the only level of competition I will accept. Since 2014 this company has been the bane of my existence. I've had a wonderful time over the years. Wonderful times getting my ass handed to me to the delight of all of you. I always believed that any reaction is a good reaction so whether you’ve loved me or hated me I've always appreciated the undying support for this product and my career.”
~The crowd chants YOU AINT DONE YET in unison. The lights dim and a video begins to play. Bob stands behind Danica and puts his arms around her as they watch.~
~It begins with clips of other OCW Stars.~
“In all my time in OCW, one of the few people I haven't really wrestled with is Bob Grenier. He and I have had different paths but we've both been successful in our own ways. He is one of the toughest son of a bitches I know, and I was hoping he'd reach the top of OCW again this year so he and I could battle it out for the OCW Championship. If this is indeed the last time we see Bob, I regret never wrestling him one-on-one; as a true Canadian, I apologize for this” - The Incredible One.
“I don't like his face. It bothers me. And he drinks shit beer” - Mack O’Connor
~In the ring Bob laughs at that quote. He is Canadian! A 6 pack of Moosehead is all you need~
"Bob is a fuckin loser. Canadian white trash. He makes black people look good. All that side, he's a tough mother fucker" - Chad Vargas
”Bob Grenier, haha. What can I say about that sucka that hasn’t been said a million times? He’s like the toughest piece of jerky you ever got your hands on. Guy is nails, sucka. I remember hiring him back in 2014. I threw his ass straight into the fire. Hell, I didn’t expect him to make it. I figured he’d be gone within a month – someone who would be used to enhance the record of a current star. But that fucker rose to the occasion and took Syren and Vargas to the limit at Clash at the Coast. From that point forward he’s been a piece that comprises the heart of OCW. You the man, sucka! You the man, Bob! - Dean
"Bob 'Granola-Bar' Grenier is a hateful SOB and even worst 100% Canadian wrestler, but can bring it in the ring harder than anyone. Trust me, I know from a bird cage match experience."- Alice Knight
~Bob lowers his head after that one and looks very sheepish.~
~The lights suddenly dim. A video highlighting Bob’s career begins to play. He attacks Alice Knight with The Lockwood Party and Richard in a vicious 4-1 assault. He bludgeons multiple people with a hammer. In another shot he swings a sheep by it’s back legs at Scott Syren (OOC: yeah that happened! LMAO) He pins Curt Canon in he calls his first major win in OCW. In Hawaii he is smashed through the side of a cage by Scott Syren. In Boston he is thrown seemingly to his death. Yes, the video contains haunting footage what Bob calls “The Fall”. In Compton, the OCW title is finally strapped to his waist~
~The lights come back on and the crowd begins to chant THANK YOU. Bob climbs to the top rope and looks out into the crowd one last time. He climbs out of the ring and leaves hand in hand with Danica. At the top of the ramp he acknowledges them one more time before he walks through the curtain~
Smith: Is that…is that it?
Hood: Sure as fuck felt like it
Smith: Well, if that is indeed it…thank you Bob, thank you!
Hood: Fucking women, they ruin everything
Smith: Nothing wrong with settling down to spend the rest of your life with the woman you love
Hood: If by nothing you mean EVERYTHING then, yes, I concur
Smith: You are an angry, sad man. Bob…as the official voice of OCW, we wish you well.
Hood: Bob, as the unofficial voice of OCW...I hope you haven’t made too many payments on that ring yet. And, shit, even if you have…what’s tossing away a few grand if it means escaping a life sentence. Do the…
Smith: Oh be quiet! Let the man be happy!
Hood: I’m trying to SAVE him
Smith: Let’s head backstage
~Josie is seen backstage as she was wearing her nose guard to protect her nose while wearing her street clothes. She was walking down the hallway while sending a text to someone. It was Lukas, as she was letting him know she was there and was safe. He wasn't able to come, as he had something else planned for the night, but wanted to make sure Josie was still alright. She would stop as she notices Who're ahead of her. Josie rolls her eyes, as she looks at her. Who're sees her, as she walks up to her, smiling~
Who're: Josie, where's Lukas? I would think he would have come with you.
~Josie rolls her eyes.~
Josie: Don't worry about where my boyfriend is, and do your job. How about this, just leave the camera here, and go away.
~Who're looks at Josie, as she shakes her head, and walks away. Josie smirks, as she looks towards the camera~
Josie: So let me get few things off my chest. Ed Houston wanted to act like me not winning some award was such a bad thing when I was nominated for so many awards. Ed you dumb fuck, I was at least nominated for that many, all in my very first year of wrestling. How long have you been wrestling for? You are all excited about winning an award. Come on dude, you looking down on me for not winning an award, that you did, really shows how childish you are. Kinda like those kids in school who are bragging, and trying to outdo each other over some silly awards. If I learned anything, awards are great, but anyone can win one, doesn't always mean the ones who didn't aren't always talented.
~She pauses for a few minutes~
Josie: Really, if you want to be some prick acting all big, and bad over someone who has only had one year worth of wrestling, go for it, but you will realize it's not the smart thing to do. You must not realize who I am, I don't just stand back, and let shit go, I don't stop till I make sure some damage is done, and you do not want that. I may get knocked down, but I get right back up. Go ahead Ed, try to knock me down, you will realize you fucked up, and learn it fast.
~She looks right towards the camera, as she was showing how much she meant it. Without saying anything more, she starts walking away. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Strong words from the Purple VIP
Hood: She’s pissed!
Smith: Well, to be fair, Ed did act in a condescending manner toward her one week ago
Hood: Yea, plus I think he was wearing an orange shirt
Smith: So?
Hood: It’s common knowledge purple hates orange
Smith: I’ve never heard such a ridiculous notion in all my life!
Hood: Oh believe me, it’s true
Smith: Well one thing I know to be true is the best way to settle a grudge is inside an OCW wrestling ring. Could we see Josie and Ed square off sometime soon?
Hood: If by sometime soon you mean June 11th – then, yes, I agree
Smith: Well if and when it happens, it should be a great one!
~We see Alice Knight walking backstage as the crowd erupts inside the arena~
Hood: Oh what the fuck is this shit! Tell me this is a re-run, archived footage, anything but LIVE!
Smith: Yes! Yes! She’s here! And we are LIVE, Hood!
Hood: KILL ME NOW
~Alice in a floral dress, guitar on her back runs into a mother and daughter. The young girl about 9 or 10 has a cast on her leg and is using crutches. She is also wearing an #OWLisNIGHT t-shirt and little pointy owl ears on her head. Alice leans down and gives her a gentle hug and signs her t-shirt with a sharpie marker. She then stands up smiling at the little girl who is admiring her autograph but Alice then looks at the mother with a serious look. She rubs her fingers together signaling she wants money for the autograph. The mother hesitates but hands Alice a 10 dollar bill. Alice nods and takes it and taps the little girl on her head before heading out to ring side~
Hood: She's a monster, Smith!!
Smith: Well she's heading out here next. And the fans are on their feet. This should be good.
Hood: Answer me this, do they serve real knives at the concession stand or those shitty plastic knives?
Smith: Plastic knives, of course!
Hood: Ugh, can’t do it, would be too painful
~Dressy Bessy's Electrified hits over the PA as the crowd in Key West begins cheering and hooting. Alice comes out through the curtain waving to the audience and curtsies as if she was some kind of royalty. She holds up the guitar in the air as she is followed by a man pushing a hotdog vendor cart. Alice proceeds to toss hotdogs into the crowd as she walks down to the ring next to the hotdog cart~
Hood: She is throwing greasy hotdogs to our fans!
Smith: And they love it.
Hood: Oh God what is she doing now?
~Alice enters the ring and starts running around flapping her arms as if they were wings. There is a chair and microphone set up in the middle of the ring by Scruff. Alice hands Scruff a hotdog and hugs him as they share a small conversation. The word grapes and pills can be heard repeatedly. Alice finally takes a seat and begins to tune up her guitar~
Hood: Fuck me
Smith: What?
Hood: I don’t know why I ever hope. I had hoped that guitar had no strings. But, nope, it’s all tuned up! It’s fucking hopeless.
Alice: Hey everybody! It's super to be back. In Key West... be back in a ring... be back in OCW! Hell... dare I say it... be back home! It was great to see old friends. And some old enemies. But I'm not a woman who holds grudges. Hell, that's why I rented out this hotdog vendor for the night. I'm giving away hotdogs to everyone. And lots of juice to wash down the dogs. I have OJ with no pulp, OJ with pulp, OJ with lots of pulp and of course my favorite, Orange Juice with too much pulp. Anyway that's not why I am here. I come with a peace offering for one of my so called enemies. Mr. Hood. How are you doing.
~Hood flips her the bird~
Alice: I can see you're number one. Well I wrote this song for you... because we can get past this little feud of ours. And move on and... well... I'm no Bjork when it comes to music but here goes nothing... Hood, this is for you, bud!
~Alice tunes up the guitar again. As the lights go dark and only a spotlighted Alice can be seen. The crowd, using their phone lights, spot the background. Scruff, mouth full of hotdog, can be seen trying to get his bic lighter to ignite.~
"Hood, we dont need to talk about love.
Standin' there with our fingerless gloves.
Let's have a beer and wear a hobo hat.
All you need is a warm bun, what do you think about that?
Let's grab a dog... it's got what us hobos needs... grab a dog... even if we're covered with fleas .... grab a dog... give that mustard a squeeze... I'm telling you if you want to live right let's share a bite of this dog...
Give you a bite of that dog... gimme, gimme, gimme, give me a bite of that dog..."
~Alice still playing as the crowd hums to the original music beat. She walks out of the ring where the Vendor is standing next to the announce table. Smith can be seen holding up his cell phone light as well while Hood hides his face in his ball cap in shame. Alice brings over a jumbo foot long hotdog.~
Alice: Look, Hood. Grab a dog.
Hood: Get your disease riddled hands away from me!
Alice(forcing the dog on him): Grab the dog, Hood! Grab it!
Hood: I will not! I only eat steak and the occasional slice of bacon! I will not touch that filthy piece of ‘meat’! Especially when given out by THOSE hands
~Alice puts the greasy hotdog on his papers on the commentary table. Hood looks disgusted. Alice returns with the mustard. She shakes it. But nothing comes out. She begins patting the bottom hard as Hood stands up trying to stop her. There is a small tug of war over the mustard and in classic comedic fashion, the mustard squirts all over Hoods face. The crowd laughs as a furious Hood glares at Alice.~
Hood: Smith. Please tell me I’m having a stroke and that’s why I’m getting this fake sensation of mustard all over my face.
Smith: I’m sorry to tell you, Hood. You are not having a stroke
~Hood’s chest heaves. The anger is building~
Alice(trying not to laugh): Honest mistake. You MUST-ARD believe me.
~Hood looks into the camera un-amused~
Hood: You think you're funny, huh?
Alice: Well I'm no comedienne but I can do a pretty good impression of Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolfe from the Hours.
~Alice frowns and points her nose up with her fingers and shouts "YOU CANNOT FIND PEACE BY AVOIDING LIFE, MATE!"~
~Hood swats his hat at Alice's face a few times. Alice slowly backs off. She hops back in the ring and begins HOOTING to the crowd and flapping her arms like a bird again. As Hood watches still covered in mustard. We fade to commercial.~
~We get another shot of Papillion, Nebraska. The OCW crew continues to toil away in a gigantic, sparse field. The sky is clear. The sun is hot. The temperature is rising. Sweaty bodies of men, women, AND CHILDREN march for hours, dragging posts into place and hammering stakes into the ground. We see a skinny figure collapse into the dirt~
Voice: MAN DOWN!
~A few people gather around. We see SHOOTAH passed out. He looks exhausted~
Man: It’s that Shooter guy again. He faints every day!
~They throw water into Shootah’s face, he wakes up~
Shootah: What the hell? Where am I? Am I in hell?
Man: No, Nebraska
~Shootah rolls over, grimacing~
Man: C’mon, man, get up! We’ve got work to do. This circus tent has to be up by next week! Let’s move!
~The man stands and vocalizes the sense of urgency to all the other workers~
Man: THAT GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU CRETINS AS WELL! GET TO FUCKING WORK! THE NEXT PERSON I SEE NAPPING ON THE JOB GOES HUNGRY FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS!
~People whimper as they hurry to work, not wanting to go hungry. We cut away to a very chipper, professional voice over~
~We cut to the announce table. Hood is almost finished wiping all the Mustard from his face. Instinctively, he licks his lips and pauses~
Smith: What?
Hood: Ugh! I got some of it in my mouth!
Smith: The mustard? I thought you liked mustard…
Hood: I do…but this doesn’t taste like mustard. This tastes funky…
~Hood points at the mustard bottle nearby, just out of reach~
Hood: Quick! Hand me that bottle
Smith: Oh no, I’m not going to hand you that bottle so you can squirt me with Mustard. If I were going to get any substance all over my face it’d be that thick, white, juicy mayonnaise. LOVE THAT STUFF
Hood: Riiiight. But, listen, you’ve got nothing to worry about. You think I’d copy that gypsy witch Alice Knight?
Smith: Good point
~Smith hands the mustard bottle over to Hood. Hood flips it upside down for inspection. He frowns with EXTREME disgust~
Hood: THIS FUCKING SHIT EXPIRED FIVE YEARS AGO! Geezus! Fucking hell!
~Hood scrubs furiously all over his face to remove the expired mustard. Smith chuckles~
Smith: Well you can’t blame her...I mean I’m sure she just picked it up backstage. She had no idea it was bad
Hood: Oh don’t go blaming this on someone else. Alice is the ONLY person I know who would be carrying around mustard five years beyond its expiration date. Even SCRUFF would have tossed that shit out
Smith: Well, agree to disagree…anyway…it’s time for our first match of the evening. You gonna be okay to call this?
Hood: Yea…I’ll be fine…stupid bitch
Smith: Alright! Let’s head down to ringside!
Tag Team Match
Tommy Crimson (2.6 pts) & Paralysis (0 pts) vs. Curt Canon (1 pt) & Ed Houston (1 pt)
~The bell rings. The crowd goes wild! “MATCH! MATCH! MATCH!” they chant. Belvedere, standing in the middle of the ring, remains stoic. He’s a true professional, folks. Once the chants start to die down, Belvedere lifts the mic to his mouth. Before he can speak the crowd goes WILD when they see he’s about to do match introductions~
Smith: Who would have thought match introductions would have received this type of response?
Hood: It’s a sad, depraved world we live in, Smith
Smith: I actually think it’s kinda neat!
~The crowd finally quiets realizing that if they keep cheering they won’t get a ‘fucking’ match. So, they sit still and Belvedere performs his task~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall!
~“Lux Aeterna” by Megaraptor hits throughout leading the crowd to boo and immediately want to throw trash. The lights go out suddenly.~
~The violins pick up on Lux Aeterna as a brain comes into focus on the screen. A grainy upside down cross appears in a flash but the brain instantly returns. The three dimensional shot shows the entire organ in all its glory. Memories begin to emit off the brain like smoke from a fire.~
~The memories show each title win of Tommy’s career. Crimson owns most of his own footage which allows for this to occur in real time.~
~The animation of the brain meshed with real live shots come together beautifully as the cover of the masterpiece by Mansell continues.~
~The orchestra behind the rock band, Megaraptor, ramps up as the memories of all Crimsons glory sucks back into the brain The two cerebral hemispheres end up as sticky brain matter that spells out “Mind Fuck”. The lights come on to reveal Tommy Crimson standing between the two large words spelt in 3d splattered brain matter a full story high. The crowd loses it.~
Belvedere: Now making his way down the aisle… He weighs in at one hundred seventy three pounds while hailing from the Motor City! The FUUURRRYYYYY! TOMMY! CRIMSOOOOOON!
~Crimson walks down the steel ramp knocking signs out of fans hands the entire way. Trash flies at the hated wrestler from all directions. He grins while eating up the negative reaction. Tommy then looks over at the announcer’s table which gets both Hood and Smith’s attention.~
Hood: I believe he’s coming over here.
Smith: Oh, God.
~Tommy struts over to the table then leaps up on it as the crowd rattles the walls with boos. The OCW arena has been taken over by The Fury.~
Smith: Tommy Crimson has a tag team match coming up next.
Hood: Shhh. He’s got something to say first.
~Crimson reaches into his jacket and retrieves a Monday Night Massacre mic. He slowly puts it up to his lips while staring down into Smith’s eyes.~
Crimson: Do you hear that, Smith? These Floridian’s have not changed a bit since I have been away. They took a break from making bathtub meth in the trailer park to drive all the way here to boo me. Goddamn I’m good at my job, Smith. Don’t you think so?
~The Fury asks the announcer directly with a cold blooded glare. He just nods leading Crimson to turn away from him completely. He paces on top of the announcer’s table like he always does when addressing the crowd.~
Crimson: Last week, I lost because Julliet Brooks sucks at her job. I did beat up both of those whores bad before I left. It felt good to hit a woman and not have to buy my way out of jail afterwards for once.
~More boos come after hearing this.~
Crimson: That’s in the past and TIO did not pin me. He knows what would happen one on one. The higher ups will protect a pussy like that from someone like me. But I digress… This week I have a partner who could be legit fuckin’ retarded.
~The crowd hates this word and react immediately~
Crimson: He probably is. I have no real proof besides his face. At the very least, Julliet had some bite to her even if she’s a dumb cunt that can’t wrestle. She’s “earned” that distinction. Women have no business in a ring with someone like me. I command the best of the best and none of them have a pair of tits. Wait.. I take that back. Bifford had tits. I’m spitting fire, Hood. Fuck, hold this a minute!
~Tommy drops the mic down to Hood who plays hot potato with it for a moment or two then pops it back up to Crimson, who catches it in his right hand with style.~
Crimson: I hate tag team matches. I am a singles wrestler and always have been. When you are as good as I am, you don’t need a partner. I do this for me and me only. Partners are for weak wrestlers that can’t do this alone. I’m proven and weathered with real experience as a singles competitor. Boo all you like it’s a fuckin’ fact.
~The Fury faces out at the crowd while hovering above Hood and Smith.~
Crimson: I am about to do my own hostile takeover. Right here in OCW. Who could possibly stop me? There’s not enough Boardwalk has-been’s back there to do such a thing believe it or not. I promise to be World Champion before the end of summer. Mark my words and write them down because it will come to pass. I have never been this focused in my life. I will tear through this roster without mercy. If you are weak you will not survive in the “Era of Crimson”.
~Tommy drops the mic on the table then leaps down. Boos continue to come after he’s done addressing the crowd. He rolls into the ring then chooses a corner to await his partner and opponents arrival.~
Belvedere: And his tag team partner…
~The crowd begins to boo. "Decayer" by Pray for Sound starts to play. The entire arena hushes. Paralysis appears from behind the curtain. He is met with a low level of jeers~
Belvedere: First, from Another Dimension…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 225lbs…Paralysis!!
Smith: There he is, Hood! OCW’s newest signing…we saw him brutally attack Canon last week…along with the traumatized Checkers.
Hood: He’s from Another Dimension? The fuck?
Smith: That’s what his application said
Hood: So, like Wal-Mart?
~Paralysis reaches the bottom of the ramp. Several fans at ringside size him up, trying to get a read on the guy. Perhaps they want to know what a person from another dimension looks like. Anyway, he stands outside the ring, looking up at his partner. He then walks up to the ring and rolls inside, under the bottom rope. ~
Belvedere: And, their opponents…
~ The screen turns black and then slowly starts to count down from 10. Once it hits 1 the sound of a rocket taking off echoes throughout the arena. Rocket Man starts to blare as Ed Houston slowly makes his way down the entrance ramp. He stops by fans in the crowd and high fives them. Once he gets about half way down the ramp, he sprints and slides under the rope. He quickly jumps to his feet and makes his way up to the turnbuckle where he waves to the crowd~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Miami, Florida…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 175lbs…he was voted the Most Underrated Wrestler of 2017…please welcome back to OCW…Ed Houston!!!
~The crowd is on their feet cheering for the popular OCW competitor. Ed takes in the cheers before hopping off the buckle. He stands in the middle of the ring as the chants only seem to increase. He bounces around on his feet, looking to be in excellent shape. The cheers provide additional spring in his legs as he derives energy from the people. Crimson and Paralysis remain in their corner. Paralysis tries saying something to Crimson, Crimson tells him to shut up.~
Smith: Big things are expected out of Ed Houston this year, Hood
Hood: What, is he going to fly to the moon or something?
Smith: Inside the ring!
Hood: What? How in the hell is he going to get to the moon from inside the ring?
Smith: Ugh, never mind
Belvedere: And, his tag team partner…
~”Figure 8” by Trust Company hits! The middle aged men in the crowd go wild yelling out “FUCK YEA TRUST COMPANY!” The younger generation looks around, confused asking “Who the hell is TRUST COMPANY?” Regardless, everyone leaps to their feet when they hear the SCREECH of a monkey fill the arena! Checkers sprints from behind the curtain…a ‘Checkers!’ chant follows. Curt Canon emerges immediately after, posing for the crowd. A ‘CANON!’ chant breaks out. Curt’s got his Face of the Year trophy in his arms. Checkers hops aboard his shoulder and Curt hustles to the ring. He reaches the apron…Checkers leaps off Canon’s shoulders and into the ring. Canon hops onto the apron, steps through the ropes and finds the nearest corner. He ascends and shows off his trophy to a thunderous ovation~
Belvedere: From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 155lbs…he was voted 2017’s Face of the Year…he is a former OCW Champion, a former OCW LightWeight Champion and an OCW Hall of Famer…ladies and gentlemen, he is…Curt Canon!!!
~Canon hops off the buckle and heads toward his team’s corner. He meets with Houston. Checkers takes a seat under the bottom buckle next to the Face of the Year trophy. The crowd continues chanting for both Houston and Canon~
Smith: There he is, Hood…a walking relic from OCW’s past…Curt Canon. Who would have thought that out of all those old names it’d be Canon bridging the gap between OCW eras?
Hood: I sure as fuck didn’t see that coming, nor did I wish for it
Smith: Oh come on, Canon embodies the spirit of OCW!
Hood: He embodies the spirit of a moron!
~Canon’s music dies out. He and Canon continue discussing strategy for the match or what type of diet Checkers is on. Checkers suddenly recognizes Paralysis. He shrieks and hops out of the ring, crawling under the apron~
Smith: Alright Hood…this match should be a great one. Canon definitely has revenge on his mind against Paralysis. Ed Houston is looking to make a strong first impression for 2018. Paralysis is the new guy and would benefit greatly from a strong showing and Crimson, well
Hood: He’s fucking crazy
Smith: Yes, in so many words
~Belvedere steps out near Canon and Houston’s corner. Canon asks if he’d be so kind as to watch over his Face of the Year trophy. Belvedere, a man of great responsibility accepts the request. He holds the award with tremendous care, finding his seat at ringside. That’s when the bell sounds. The crowd goes wild. Crimson removes his HUMAN FLESH jacket and drops it over the top rope. Paralysis starts to say something but Crimson merely points toward the top buckle and, more accurately the tag rope. Paralysis doesn’t argue, stepping through the ropes and standing on the apron~
Smith: Paralysis may be an intimidating presence but even he knows not to argue with Crimson…at least not at this point in his career.
Hood: Well, I mean the guy did just take off a jacket made of human flesh…would you argue with him?
Smith: Absolutely not!
~Houston and Canon play a game of paper, rock, scissors. They both throw scissors. They go again, they both throw rock. Frustrated, they try again…this time they both throw rock. They go once again…this time they both throw rock!~
Smith: These two are stuck between a rock and…
Hood: A rock!
~The crowd chants “ROCK!” Houston and Canon look around…they then look at one another as if to say GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE~
Smith: I don’t think cohesion will be a problem with this makeshift team
Hood: Maybe they are TOO cohesive…like Houston does a suplex…he tags Canon…Canon does a suplex…he tags Houston…Houston does a suplex…see where this is going?
Smith: I doubt very much that will happen
~Crimson is growing frustrated, standing in his corner, watching the buffoonery. Canon and Houston give it another go. One, two, three FLASH! The crowd goes wild, chanting “ROCK!” once more because, well, they both threw rock again~
Smith: This match is never going to begin
Hood: Oh, I think you’re wrong about that, pal
~A blur shoots across the ring…Crimson leaps through the air and splashes both Canon and Houston into their corner!! The crowd boos!! Crimson grabs Canon and tosses him over the top rope with ease. This leaves Houston sitting on the mat, leaning sideways against the bottom rope, near his team’s corner~
Smith: Crimson had seen enough…he, apparently, isn’t a fan of schoolyard games!
Hood: Nothing wrong with a little paper, rock, scissor action but, I mean, c’mon…that was ridiculous…who throws Rock five, six times in a row?
Smith: It’s not implausible
Hood: For one…but BOTH? I guess it’s true…idiots have symmetrical thought processes
~Crimson runs across the ring, bounces off the ropes, charges forward and knees Houston in the side of the head!! Ed falls through the ropes, to the outside, landing near Canon. The crowd at ringside yells at Canon and Houston to get up. Crimson flies through the ropes, landing on his feet outside the ring. He looks down at the two ‘faces’ and smirks. The ring apron jiggles. Checkers peeks out to see if everything is safe…he looks up and spots Crimson and shrieks, scurrying back underneath the ring. The crowd boos heavily~
Smith: Aww, poor Checkers
Hood: Fucking thing should be locked up in a cage!
Smith: What are you talking about…that’s Canon’s pet!
Hood: So? He’s still an animal…animals belong in cages with the minimum amount of food and water, that way they learn to appreciate shit. This Checkers thing is way too spoiled.
~Crimson snares Houston by the hair and tosses him into the barricade! The middle of Houston’s back slams into the top of the barricade! He almost flips backwards into the crowd, but tilts forward, landing roughly at ringside. Crimson looks down at Ed. Canon reaches up, grabbing the apron…he gets to his feet. He hops onto the apron and leaps off, attaching himself to Crimson’s back! Crimson struggles, trying to pry Canon off him. He rushes backward, toward the steel post. Canon lets go and Crimson slams into the ring post…the back of his head pings against the steel!! He falls to one knee, shaking his head, dazed. The crowd at ringside urges Canon and Houston on~
Smith: Great presence by Canon
Hood: He cheated! I mean, I know he’s only like half the size of a regular man but, still
Smith: Well if Crimson would take the action back inside the ring then maybe that wouldn’t have happened
Hood: Boy you are just full of excuses, aren’t you?
~Canon throws a couple of well-placed kicks into Crimson’s chest. Scruff finally begins to count. His delayed count still draws boos from the crowd~
Hood: The fuck are these fans booing for? Was Scruff just supposed to stand there and let these guys beat Crimson without a count?
Smith: Oh just let them have some fun, Hood
Hood: Fun? Crimson is getting screwed!
~Houston returns to his feet and watches Canon drive a few more kicks into Crimson’s chest. Paralysis is spotted across the ring, remaining in position. He’s in no hurry to help Crimson. Scruff yells out “SIX!” Canon stops kicking and turns toward Houston…together they pull Crimson to his feet and roll him back into the ring. Crimson rolls toward the center and stumbles to his feet. Houston hops onto the apron…he jumps up onto the top rope and leaps off with a flying forearm into the face of Crimson!! Crimson falls onto his back, landing hard. The crowd cheers loudly~
Smith: What athleticism shown by Ed Houston!
Hood: Fuckin Scruff…they were out there abusing Crimson for at least five minutes which…when translated into SCRUFF math comes out to only six seconds
Smith: Oh stop being so cantankerous
Hood: The fuck you just call me?
~Ed pops back to his feet. He rushes into the corner and tags Canon. The crowd pops. Canon leaps onto the top rope. Houston remains poised in the corner. Crimson staggers to his feet. Houston sprints forward, leaping through the air with a knee into Crimson’s face!! Crimson falls onto his back. Canon leaps off the top rope with a flying elbow!! He connects!! The crowd goes wild! Canon goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: Crimson kicked out, barely! What a combination by Houston and Canon!
Hood: Holy shit…once again we nearly pearl harbored ourselves less than a month into the run
Smith: How is Canon pinning Crimson being ‘pearl harbored’?
Hood: Well…one guy runs around with a monkey, the other…doesn’t.
~Canon pops back to his feet. He instantly spots Paralysis on the apron. A certain shade of focus comes over his face. He remembers the beat down from one week ago – which is reassuring otherwise he might have amnesia. Canon picks Crimson up and whips him into his team’s corner, he hits hard. Canon yells at Paralysis to tag in. He doesn’t hesitate in doing so. Crimson drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring. Paralysis enters the ring and marches right for Canon~
Smith: Might not have been the smartest move in the world but who can blame him
Hood: He paralyzed the match flow with that decision
Smith: Ha ha, very funny
Hood: Well, I’m not wrong
~Paralysis throws a heavy armed clothesline…Canon ducks and hits the ropes, he bounces off. Paralysis, with his back to Canon, throws a back fist…Canon ducks and leaps for the ropes…he springboards off the second rope with a moonsault! Paralysis catches Canon over his shoulder and drills Canon into the mat with a powerslam! The crowd boos. Paralysis remains on one knee, looking down at the stunned former OCW Champion~
Smith: Tremendous ring presence shown by Paralysis against a veteran like Canon…we might really have something here
Hood: Dude, it’s Canon. He’s like the Inspector Gadget of OCW. He’s successful in spite of his effort
Smith: Now that’s totally untrue
Hood: You will never get me to admit Canon defeated Lurrr fair and square!
~Paralysis wraps both hands around Canon’s head and begins to repeatedly beat the back of Canon’s head into the mat. Canon manages to wiggle and writhe enough to get his feet in the ropes. Paralysis lets go and grabs Canon’s arms. He gets to his feet and yanks Canon in the air and lets go…Canon’s legs break free from the ropes and his body slams into the mat. Paralysis then drops to his knees and applies a side headlock onto Canon~
Smith: Whoa, a side head lock
Hood: I don’t think I’ve ever seen that move before
Smith: We certainly don’t see it very often
Hood: Is there anything else or is that…it
Smith: That’s it, I’m afraid
~The crowd gets antsy. A ‘Canon’ chant breaks out. Houston implores his partner to do something. Canon’s legs start to shake. His body gyrates, he’s mustering up the energy to break free. He fights to one knee. Paralysis does his best to clamp down, but it’s not having any effect. Canon gets to his feet, Paralysis retains hold of the headlock only it’s not so much of a side headlock any longer. Canon jumps up, near the ropes, his feet land on the middle rope…he walks them up to the top rope and kicks off…he flips over Paralysis, landing on his feet! The crowd goes wild. Canon hits the rope with Paralysis’ back facing him. As he hits the ropes, Crimson throws a superkick!! It drills Canon right in the head! Canon falls to both knees. The crowd boos heavily. Scruff rushes over to scold Crimson…but then sees the HUMAN FLESH jacket near ringside and thinks better of it. Paralysis turns around to find Canon on his knees, looking up at him~
Smith: Ugh…that darn Crimson! Why can’t he just stand on the apron like a normal, legal tag partner?
Hood: I blame the monkey…no doubt Checkers tried to bite his foot which is why Crimson threw it in the air like that
Smith: That was a strategically placed kick
Hood: I’m not buying your propaganda, Smith
~Paralysis throws a straight right hand into Canon’s forehead. Canon’s shoulders spike up as a reaction to the trauma absorbed by his neck. Paralysis takes a few steps back, he leans into the ropes, ricochets off and marches toward Canon. He throws his leg in the air…Canon springs to his feet, he grabs Paralysis’ leg and takes him down with a Dragon Screw leg whip!!! Paralysis hits the mat, holding his right knee in pain!! Canon starts to crawl toward Houston…the crowd is on their feet eager to see a tag. Crimson shakes his head, not pleased with his partner…he extends his arm for a tag~
Smith: Here we go!! If Canon can get to Ed then they might just pull this off
Hood: Fucking Paralysis
Smith: Not a fan?
Hood: You’d think a guy named Paralysis with two functioning legs would at least make good use of them
~Paralysis drags his body toward Crimson. He reaches up and tags The Fury into the ring! Crimson steps through the ropes with a sense of urgency. He goes after Canon. Canon, however, crawls quickly and tags Houston!! Crimson halts, reevaluating the altered situation. The crowd goes wild. Ed flips into the ring and, in a seamless motion, jumps into the air kneeing Crimson in the face!! Crimson falters back against the ropes. Ed knees him in the gut and whips him across the ring…Crimson hits the ropes, bounces off and eats a picture perfect dropkick!! Crimson falls to the mat. Ed pops back to his feet and urges the crowd on…they are on their feet, chanting Ed’s name~
Smith: Ed Houston is on fire!
Hood: Well somebody put him out!
Smith: Not literally!
Hood: I was about to say…that Crimson’s evilness knows no bounds
~Crimson doesn’t stay down for long. He fights to his feet, turning his attention toward Houston. Houston runs at Crimson…Crimson throws a huge lariat…Houston ducks and hits the ropes, Crimson turns around and gets dropkicked right in the knee!! Crimson falls to one knee. Houston bolts to his right, hitting the ropes, bouncing off and smacking Crimson in the side of the head with a Shining Wizard!! The crowd is thunderous!~
Smith: Ed Houston is in total control…he might vanquish OCW’s most nefarious character, Tommy Crimson
Hood: Not so fast, Smith. Crimson has a HUMAN FLESH jacket
Smith: So?
Hood: That means he can kick out of almost anything!
~Houston grabs Crimson by the hair, yanking him to his feet. He boots Crimson in the gut and hooks him for a suplex. He snares Crimson’s leg, lifts him up and drops him with a Cradle Suplex!!! Houston rolls over backward, sitting on top of Crimson’s chest. He snares one of Crimson’s legs, pulling it forward as Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: Crimson kicked out! I thought Ed had him!
Hood: Do you think Ed is short for Edward?
Smith: Uh, yea, why?
Hood: I don’t know, could be Eduardo
Smith: He doesn’t look like an Eduardo, if you ask me
Hood: I didn’t ask you, you fucking racist
~Undaunted, Houston pops up, ready to continue his assault on Crimson. He stands, poised. Crimson slowly gets to his feet. Houston positions his side, facing Crimson. Crimson faces Houston. Houston lunges forward with a Superkick! Crimson dodges Houston’s leg. The momentum takes Houston in front of Crimson…Crimson grabs the back of Houston’s head and stuns him with a jawbreaker!! Houston staggers around. Crimson throws a stiff roundhouse kick to the side of Houston’s head!! Houston falls to the mat. Crimson falls into a corner, being propped up by the buckles while he gathers his breath~
Smith: Dang it! That darn Tommy Crimson!
Hood: He’s fucking amazing…he’s basically doing this two on one!
Smith: He’s picked up right where he left off in 2017, that’s for sure
Hood: Yep, now if only OCW would quit their WEAK ASS BOOKING and give Crimson a singles match OR a partner he can work with!
~Houston gets to his feet, wobbly. Crimson is still in the corner. Houston spots Crimson and charges forward, leaping through the air with a splash. Crimson gets his right foot up, drilling Houston in the face!! Houston falls back onto the mat. Crimson steps through the ropes, reaching the top buckle. He looks down at Houston and leaps off, drilling Houston with a Flying Heabutt!! The ring shakes from impact. Crimson, instead of going for the pin, gets to his feet. He heads towards his team’s corner~
Smith: Oh no…if he reaches that top buckle, it’s all over
Hood: Fuck yea, about time Crimson rose above the bullshit booking
Smith: C’mon, Ed! Get up!
Hood: That ship has been grounded, Smith
~Crimson starts to climb to the top. He reaches the top buckle and looks down at Ed, who hasn’t moved. A hand reaches up and slaps Crimson on the calf! Scruff signals for a tag! Paralysis steps into the ring. Crimson looks around, confused. His confusion quickly transforms into anger~
Smith: What the heck?
Hood: That stupid son of a bitch! It’s all clear to me, now
Smith: What?
Hood: His name refers to his brain!
~Paralysis marches toward Houston and goes for a quick cover. Crimson hops onto the apron, seething. He’d step into the ring but, decides to wait and watch to see if Paralysis can get the pin. Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Yes! Way to go, Ed!
Hood: Ugh…Paralysis is going to have more than a handicapped brain in a second
Smith: Would you stop mocking the handicapped?
Hood: Hey, I’m not the one who named myself Paralysis
~Crimson yells at Paralysis to head back to the corner. Paralysis blows him off. Crimson steps through the ropes. Scruff tries to stop him. He gets in the way of Crimson, blocking him. Paralysis, meanwhile, bends down, reaching for Houston’s hair. Houston throws a kick, smacking Paralysis in the face! Paralysis stumbles back, into a nearby corner. Houston rolls toward his corner, tagging Canon!~
Smith: He just tagged Canon! It’s time for some revenge!
Hood: Ugh, I’m gonna be sick
Smith: Oh stop being so dramatic
~Canon hops over the top rope. He doesn’t go straight for Paralysis. He goes after Crimson. He yells at Scruff to move. Scruff falls to his knees…perhaps displaying some street sense he picked up after being a bum all those years. Canon flies through the air with a knee! He hits Crimson! Crimson falls through the ropes, to the outside. Canon kicks up to his feet and locates Paralysis who is staggering around like an idiot~
Smith: Uh oh…it’s time for payback!
Hood: Is it really winning if you’re beating up on the handicapped?
Smith: It’s just a name, Hood
Hood: If I had never watched Paralysis wrestle, I might believe you
~Canon kicks Paralysis in the gut, hooks him and drops him with a Canon Cutter!!! Paralysis is laid out. The crowd chants ‘ONE MORE!’ Canon smiles and pulls Paralysis up to his feet once again. He drops him to the mat with a second Canon Cutter!! The crowd goes wild. Canon does some weird stomp on the mat…we see CHECKERS pop out from under the ring. He scurries in from under the bottom rope and sits atop Paralysis’ chest. Canon places a foot next to Checkers. Scruff slides in for the count. Houston runs through the ropes, guarding the area where Crimson remains, to keep him from interfering. Crimson looks up, shakes his head and throws his hands at the ring as if to say ‘fuck this’. He grabs his HUMAN FLESH jacket and heads back up the ramp. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here are your winners…CURT CANON & ED HOUSTON!!!!!
Smith: They did it! Canon and Ed have prevailed!
Hood: Yippee…they won a glorified handicapped match, let’s have a parade!
Smith: I thought you hated parades?
Hood: I DO!
~We spot Crimson at the top of the ramp, staring down at the ring, shaking his head. “BULLSHIT” he yells. “FIRST I GET STUCK WITH THAT DIRTY BITCH BROOKS AND NOW I’M PARTNERED UP WITH A FUCKIN RETARD? BULLSHIT!” Crimson is incensed. He spots a female fan wearing a Brooks t-shirt. This seems to drive him over the edge even further~
Smith: He needs to calm down
Hood: Calm down? He’s getting screwed up the ass WITHOUT lube…what’s he supposed to do, just sit all still and quiet? You know what it’s like for someone to go in dry…you don’t just sit there, quietly…you scream and yell like a mother fucker
Smith: The only ‘going in dry’ I’ve ever experienced was jumping front first on a slip and slide that wasn’t wet.
Hood: While I seriously doubt that…I’ll play along…and how did that feel, Smith?
Smith: It hurt, really bad
Hood: And did you just lie there, quietly?
Smith: No
Hood: Well, what did you do?
Smith: I screamed
Hood: EXACTLY
~Crimson approaches the female fan, he reaches for the neck of her shirt, apparently seeking to rip it off~
Smith: No! Don’t do that!
Hood: Hold on…how old is that fan?
Smith: She looks…nineteen, I think?
Hood: RIP IT OFF
~The crowd booed Crimson. He didn’t seem to mind. The boos suddenly ceased. Crimson found this odd and turned around. As soon as he turned around he was met with a chair shot to the face by Julliet Brooks who came out of nowhere! The crowd cheered on the attack. She continued the beat down with vicious kicks to his face along with a boot to the throat for good measure as he's lying on the ground out cold, then she backed away to catch a breather before going at it again, but this time, however, she grabbed his leg and put him in the Land of Entrapment right on the steel ramp, locking it in tightly as Crimson is seen screaming and pleading for her to let go. Eventually she let go and shoved him off as the crowd went nuts, along with Canon and Houston AND Checkers. She looked at the damage she caused with a smile on her face before she headed up the ramp and to the backstage area~
Smith: Yes! Way to go, Julliet!
Hood: What the fuck? She just MUGGED him
Smith: It’s called vengeance, Hood. JUSTICE
Hood: No, it’s not. It’s called a criminal act!
Smith: We’ll chalk it up to a difference in semantics. Regardless, Tommy Crimson finally got what he deserved and I’m sure Julliet will have more in store for ‘The Fury’ in the coming weeks.
Hood: She’s legit crazy, man. But so is Crimson…we might see our first ever fight to the DEATH between these two, Smith
Smith: Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that!
~We cut backstage where Who’Re is standing by with head of HR, Cap Slock. Mr. Slock is staring intently into the camera~
Who’Re: I’m here with the head of OCW HR, Cap Slock. Mr. Slock, I have a few questions, if you don’t mind
Cap Slock: FIRE AWAY
Who’Re: First of all – if Marcus Welsh strips TIO of the OCW Championship, how will that impact locker room morale?
Cap Slock: I’D IMAGINE IT WOULD STIMULATE THE BACKSTAGE MORALE. THE TITLE WOULD BE OPEN TO ANYONE, AT THAT POINT, BEING VACANT.
Who’Re: Do you have any inside information as to whether or not TIO is going to or has already been stripped of the OCW Title?
Cap Slock: I DO NOT. MY JOB IS TO ENSURE MORALE REMAINS HIGH. I WAS HIRED TO SERVE AS A CALMING INFLUENCE BACKSTAGE.
Who’Re: Okay…and my final question…any insight as to who the rumored new signing is?
Cap Slock: WHO’RE, EVEN IF I KNEW I COULDN’T TELL YOU. YOU KNOW THAT. JUST STAY TUNED AND I’M SURE WE’LL ALL FIND OUT WHEN WE’RE SUPPOSED TO.
Who’Re: Cap Slock, thank you for your time.
Cap Slock: IT WAS MY PLEASURE
~We cut back to ringside~
Smith: A nice hustle job by Who’Re which, sadly, yielded no new information
Hood: Well, it did give Cap Slock some screen time. I wasn’t sure if he still had a job
Smith: I think he’s a lifer, Hood
Hood: Makes sense…we always hang on to the weirdos
Smith: If that’s how you see it, Hood
~All is quiet within the OCW arena. The crowd grows restless. A ‘WE WANT A MATCH’ chant tries to come to life. It is halted with a chorus of boos. A wheelchair slides through the curtain. It contains the battered GM Marcus Welsh. The OCW Title is in his lap. A neckbrace is wrapped around his neck. EE is pushing the chair down the ramp, toward ringside. Welsh ignores the boos, appearing extremely agitated. They reach the ringside area. EE produces a cane and hands it to Welsh. Welsh uses it to hobble toward the ringsteps. EE has the OCW Title over his shoulder. He helps Welsh up the steps and onto the apron. EE hurries onto the apron and sits atop the middle rope, creating a comfortable gap for entry. Welsh struggles through the ropes, eventually making it inside the ring. A faux cheer of sincerity sounds out as the fans mock Welsh’s injuries. He reaches the center of the ring with EE at his side, holding the title. He waits for the boos to subside before speaking into a mic provided by Belvedere~
Marcus Welsh: It’s so nice to see the compassion you people have for the man who has given you hours upon hours of premium entertainment. Seriously, I’m blown over by your benevolence.
~BOOO goes the crowd~
Marcus Welsh: Anyway, onto matters of importance. I’m in pain. I shouldn’t really be out of bed, but duty calls. And that duty, tonight, revolves around the OCW Title.
~A slight cheer sounds out followed by a “TIO” chant~
Marcus Welsh: As you all witnessed last week, this ‘changed’ man showed his true colors when he brutalized me, an unarmed, untrained individual over, nothing, really. I was simply out there, doing my job when this raving lunatic snapped. Now, I ask you all...is that really what we want out of our OCW Champion? Is that the type of person we want to be the face of OCW?
~YES! Goes the crowd~
Marcus Welsh: WRONG! The correct answer would be, no. TIO is unfit to be the OCW champion. The once calculating, manipulative wrestler who bore the weight of OCW upon his shoulders has become emotionally compromised. He’s unstable. He could crumble at any moment given the right circumstance. He’s unfit to continue on as the OCW Champion.
~EE holds the title up. The crowd boos~
Marcus Welsh: Now, I’ll admit I’m somewhat compromised as well. Not nearly as much as your beloved ‘champion’...but, I am, after all, human. I HATE vacating titles. It’s a terrible way of doing business. SO...I’m willing to compromise with TIO. If he can make the right decision tonight, I will allow him to keep this title warm until Meyhu takes it away from him in four week’s time. So...TIO...if you think you can behave yourself, how about you come out here
~A growing ‘TIO’ chant echoes throughout the arena, and the crowd explodes when “Who Taught You How to Hate” begins to play. OCW Champion the Incredible One walks out on the stage, staring into the crowd. He points to them, as it becomes noticeable that Leslie and Jenna do not follow him. TIO walks down the ramp, slapping a few fans hands before climbing the steel steps and into the ring. He ignores Welsh and EE in the ring so he can climb a turnbuckle and acknowledge the overwhelming support from the Key West crowd. He climbs down, accepting a mic from a ringside worker, as his music dies down. TIO finally cocks his head in the direction of Welsh, burning a hole into him with his eyes. He grips the mic tightly, raising it to his lips as the crowd dies down to hear the champ.~
TIO: Key West… I apologize… seriously, I am sorry, from the bottom of my heart… that you’ve had to hear from not one, but two blubbering idiots speak to you tonight. First Matt Meyhu, and now this piece of work, Marcus Welsh.
~TIO smirks as the crowd cheers. Welsh’s face begins to turn red from the crowd laughing at him.~
TIO: You want me to behave, Welsh? Really? Why don’t we take a step back and really talk about what happened last week. Yes, my daughter got in your face, spoke on a mic when she shouldn’t have, and yes, she hit you. However, might I remind you she is only a teenager, and you are a grown ass man - well, at least that’s what your body shows, maybe you do have the mind of an idiot considering you attempted to assault my daughter. I’m sorry life hasn’t been fortunate enough for you to find love, and you couldn’t produce offspring, but, I’m sure if you did, and someone put their hand on your child, you’d understand my position.
~The crowd claps, agreeing with the champion’s statement, as he continues.~
TIO: Also, we need to really talk about your view on who the face of OCW truly is. Let’s see… there’s me, a man who represents wholesome family views, and went to the defense of one his family members, someone who appreciates the crowd, the same crowd that pretty much writes your paycheck versus… a lap dog who comes out after someone has had a gruelling match to beat up someone exhausted… does that sound about right? There’s me, who was looking out for YOUR talent like Barnes and Brooks, who were really hurt after the match, yet you send in a man who is pissed because he wasn’t quick enough to stop me from taking his OCW Championship away from him in that triple threat match and allow him to possibly shelve two of your wrestlers on night one. I’m not unfit, and I’m definitely not unstable… I’m the best you got Welsh.
~Welsh puts his mic up to speak but TIO cuts him off quickly.~
TIO: Oh, and Welsh, if you ever, ever, put a hand on anyone I care about again - I’ll make sure you’re permanently in that bed you surely think you should be in.
~Welsh rolls his eyes and holds his cane up, poking TIO with the end and shoving him, slightly away, creating a bit of distance. TIO doesn’t like it, but he holds steady~
Marcus Welsh: Well that’s all well and good. Once your OCW career is over, which could be tonight, by the way, perhaps you can get a job at Hallmark. Live out your golden years watching what’s her face grow up and what’s her face number two grow old.
~The crowd boos. Welsh nods toward EE~
Marcus Welsh: Now, let’s get down to business. The papers, please.
~EE produces some folded up, stapled papers. He hands them to Welsh. Welsh, in turns, hands them over to TIO~
Marcus Welsh: Those are termination papers.
~The crowd boos heavily. Welsh snaps his fingers, EE hands him the OCW Title~
Marcus Welsh: And this, well, you know what this is.
~Welsh extends the OCW Title. TIO takes it. In one hand he has termination papers, in the other the OCW Title~
Marcus Welsh: Your choice is simple. Either you sign the termination papers and get the OCW championship back…free to defend over the next few weeks anywhere you want until the company requires it back for The Greatest Show on Earth...
~Welsh pokes TIO in the chest with his cane~
Marcus Welsh: ...or you forfeit the OCW Championship and receive the privilege of retaining your OCW job.
~Welsh pokes TIO in the chest with his cane again~
Marcus Welsh: This choice is yours, champ
~Welsh pokes TIO again with the cane while snickering at calling him champ. TIO grabs the cane from Welsh hands, and snaps it in half across his knee. Welsh looks shocked as TIO throws the pieces of the cane out of the ring to the pleasure of the crowd. He turns his attention to the papers; looking at both offers. He looks out to the crowd, and even they have a mixed reaction, not sure what he should do.~
TIO: The whole reason I broke away from Meyhu, and the Aptitude, was because I was doing something wrong - and I wanted to give back to OCW, and the bring prominence to the OCW Championship. Forfeiting the title would mean I have failed. I will continue to keep show the world what a true champion looks like as OCW Champion…
~TIO throws one of the papers on the ground, holding the papers that would allow him to keep the title but lose his job. He takes a pen from EE, and looks up at Welsh.~
TIO: Once I sign this, Welsh, you might as well commision a new title because when I legally sign these papers, and you legally have to give me that title, the likes of Matt Meyhu, Tommy Crimson and Chad Vargas will NEVER touch it again. Then you can kiss your crowd goodbye as they follow me and the OCW Championship wherever I go.
~The crowd goes crazy as TIO clicks the pen open and signs the papers, throwing them back at Welsh. He extends his hand out, expecting to be handed the OCW Championship. Welsh looks down at the papers and the surprisingly classy, readable signature of TIO. He takes the pen TIO used to sign and clicks it. He brings the tip to the signature line, readying to finalize TIO’s release. He pauses and looks out at the crowd. He sighs, snaps the pen shut and places it inside his pant pocket. He lifts the papers up to eye level and tears them down the middle. The crowd is quieted with surprise. TIO even seems taken back~
Marcus Welsh: The title means that much to you, huh? Good, because when Meyhu rips it away from you, I want you to hurt, I want you to feel pain.
~Welsh smiles. A thought crosses his mind~
Marcus Welsh: In fact, I’m so confident that the man without internal conflict, Matt Meyhu will dethrone you as OCW Champ that I’m willing to up the ante. I’m willing to let you determine the stipulation of the match. You get to pick the site of TIO’s last stand, if you will. You can hold onto that title and your job for just a little while longer, TIO. And perhaps you will one day appreciate this act of kindness I’ve shown you.
~Welsh starts to exit the ring. His limping is increased without the aid of his cane. He looks at TIO, agitated. He leans into the ropes for support. EE rushes over to help him, but Welsh pushes him away~
Marcus Welsh: Look at me...a shell of my former self. To ensure my survival moving forward, I’ve hired a new head of security. This seems as good a time as any to introduce him…
~The crowd fills with suspense as TIO looks up the ramp. A ruckus begins in the crowd as a large figure emerges into the ring from the crowd and nails TIO in the back of the head, causing him to fall to the ground. TIO rolls up, holding the back of his head, and looks up, shocked, as the head of security is revealed to be his old bodyguard, Knux. TIO looks over to Welsh, who has a devilish grin from ear to ear. TIO quickly turns his attention to Knux, who wastes no time and big boots him over the rope and onto the floor below. The seven foot, three hundred and fifty pound beast climbs over the top rope and grabs TIO by his hair before launching him head first into the steel steps, the top part flying off the bottom from the impact. The crowd boos heavily, chanting “bullshit” and “Knux sucks” as TIO turns over, his face busted open. Knux picks him up and TIO eye rakes him, buying him a couple seconds as he tumbles to the other side of the ring. He goes to clothesline Knux but Knux open tackles him, as TIO smashes into the ring side barricade hard. TIO gasps for air, holding his ribs as Knux bends down and begins smacking TIO’s face. Welts appear on TIO’s cheek, while Knux grabs another lock of TIO’s hair, dragging him towards the announce table. TIO tries to fight, kicking Knux in the shins but Knux takes his sixteen size boot and kicks TIO right between the legs, as TIO crumbles to the feet of Knux. Knux brings TIO up, and swiftly powerbombs him through the announce table, the table exploding from the impact as TIO lays there, motionless and bloody. Knux, emotionless, wipes his hands, before going to Welsh’s side, who is all smiles~
Marcus Welsh: Good job, Knux. Great job! Now, help me to my chair.
~Welsh gingerly steps through the ropes. Knux is standing on the outside. He grabs Welsh and carries him in his arms toward the wheelchair, placing him carefully in the seat. Knux turns the chair around and wheels Welsh to the back with EE hustling alongside. TIO is left laying at ringside with the belt ownerless, atop the mat. We cut away to the backstage area~
~We cut backstage where Paralysis is seated inside a medical room. The Knife Man emerges wielding his giant knife. It waves around recklessly while he searches around the room for his clipboard~
The Knife Man: Ah, here we go! So, your name is Paralysis?
~Paralysis simply nods~
The Knife Man: And it says here you’re visiting me because the office believes…my word!
~Paralysis remains quiet. It dawns on us. Maybe his lips…or his vocal chords are paralyzed! The Knife Man places the clipboard down and approaches Paralysis with his giant knife. He places the tip atop the bottom lip of Paralysis~
The Knife Man: Open wide
~Reluctantly, Paralysis opens his mouth. The Knife Man uses his giant blade to poke and prod. Surprisingly, no blood is rendered…he is a true pro! The Knife Man removes his blade. He then slides it through the air, up toward the eyes of Paralysis. He pokes around the man’s eyes…then his cheeks and does the same all over Paralysis’ body. After awhile, The Knife Man sighs~
The Knife Man: I’ll be right back
~The Knife Man exits and finds Cap Slock waiting outside~
Cap Slock: WELL? IS IT TRUE?
The Knife Man: I’m afraid so. This Paralysis guy has no talent.
Cap Slock: I NEED TO INFORM COMMISSIONER ZYBALA. I HEARD HE’S GOT PLANS FOR PARALYSIS.
The Knife Man: Okay, I’ll finish writing up my report.
~Cap Slock heads off in search of Zybala. The Knife Man waves his knife around as he re-enters the medic SLASH mechanic room. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: What an unfortunate diagnosis
Hood: I’m no knife man and I could have told you that!
Smith: Hood, we had to be sure
Hood: So, what…are we going to fire his ass?
Smith: Sounds like we’re just waiting for word to reach Zybala…in the meantime, let's show everyone what took place while we just HAD to hear from Cap Slock and The Knife Man
~We cut to moments earlier as a visibly shaken TIO sits on the apron with the OCW title in his lap. His face is riddled with pain. He gingerly hops off the apron and limps up the ramp. The fans in the arena clap, showing their support. A small "TIO" chant breaks out. He makes it up the ramp, slowly before reaching the curtain and disappearing backstage. We cut back to present time~
Smith: Hurt, battered, bruised - but far from broken. He's still our champ, folks
Hood: But not for long, Smith. Not for long!
Smith: Yea, well we'll see about that
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY, WE WILL PARTY HARD"
Smith: There is our new commissioner, most likely with something to say.
Hood: Nooooo!?!? Really??? And here I thought he was gonna sing "Phantom of the Opera" for us.
Smith: Don't tempt him. He picked me up once when my car broke down and had it playing on his iPod. Longest car ride ever.
~Zybala waits a bit more and the fans finally settle down.~
Zybala: How we all doing tonight?!? (cheers) That's great to hear! Now I know you all want to get on to our main event so I won't take up too much of your time. I just have two quick announcements.
First, despite them having a match earlier, I feel there is still some bad blood between Curt and Paralysis. So here's what I'm gonna do. At The Greatest Show On Earth, you are going to see Paralysis versus Curt Canon AND Checkers in a no dq Handicapped match!
~The fans start to cheer and a few drunks try to get a "Monkey Violence" chant going, but it doesn't work. Zybala then holds up two fingers~
Zybala: Announcement numero dos. Our next match Chad Vargas facing Mack O'Connor for the Margarita Mix Cup. Now besides the trophy, nobody had any idea what the prize should be. Marcus is too busy worrying about Meyhu and Bishop, and E.E. said it should be "all the swag signed by Buffet of the Jimmy." which would be cool if you were just a fan and not a wrestler who has waited for almost a full year to have a chance to win the mixer...... But we're going to give them the swag anyways! And on top of THAT, the winner will be your new number one contender and face the winner of the Meyhu/TIO title match at an undetermined time.
And last but not least, in regards to the Craze Title picture. I have been watching not only the wins and losses of our wrestlers, but also their promo work, the amount of time they put in promoting our company elsewhere and just generally busting their ass for OCW. Your hard work will not be ignored under my watch. So as it stands right now, at The Greatest Show On Earth, it will be "The Purple VIP" Josie Barnes versus "The Rocketman" Ed Houston for the OCW Craze Championship!
~The fans start to cheer thinking Zybala is done with his announcements, but the commissioner doesn't move. He waits patiently for the cheers to die down, then continues~
Zybala: Furthermore, since the Craze title is all about hard work and earning your chance, we will not have an ordinary match for its coming out party. I want it to be special. So I thought what would be a good, hard match. Then it came to me. There will be Tables! (cheers) There will be Ladders! (more cheers) There will be Chairs! (louder, more excited cheers) And there will be BLOOD! (the fans go nuts!) I thought I would put a twist on an already violent match, by mixing it with yet another violent match. We're going to have a Bloody T.L.C. match! The rules are simple. The title hangs up the center of the ring in typical T.L.C. fashion, and you can use whatever weapon you can get your hands on, preferably the ones in the name of the match. However, you are not allowed to climb the ladder to get the belt until you make your opponent bleed like in a First Blood Match. Once your opponent’s life juices flow on the outside, then you can try to get the belt. How's that for WEAK ASS booking?
Now, before you all start chanting "We Want A Fucking Match," I'm gonna get out of here so we can finally have a winner to The Mixer tourney. Chad, Mack. Good luck gentlemen!
~"Party Hard" hits the speakers again as the fans cheer and Zybala heads to the back~
Smith: Wow. Two weeks on the job and two bombshells dropped by Commissioner Zybala! The Greatest Show On Earth is starting to look like it’s going to live up to its name.
Hood: I hate to admit it, but that was a pretty decent announcement. I mean, it's good, but it's nowhere near what someone like Bradley Carrington would have come up with. How come Walsh couldn't have gotten "The Professor" as our commissioner?
Smith: Because he would have spent the whole show trying to teach the audience.
Hood: Oh no! God forbid these slack jawed yokels learn something.
Smith: They learn something new every night, Hood! OCW is always educating its fans in the way of entertainment!
Hood: Yea, unless PARALYSIS is wrestling
Smith: Oh dear, I forgot. How is that going to impact Commissioner Zybala’s announcement? You don’t really think he’s going to book a man with no talent at The Greatest Show on Earth, do you?
Hood: I guess we’ll find out, shortly
~We cut backstage. Commissioner Zybala is walking, happily. He seems to be beaming with pride over his 3 historic announcements. Suddenly, Cap Slock approaches him~
Cap Slock: COMMISSIONER ZYBALA
Mike Zybala: What is it?
Cap Slock: IT’S PARALYSIS. THE KNIFE MAN LOOKED HIM OVER AND HAS REACHED A CONCLUSION. HE HAS DIAGNOSED PARALYSIS AS – TALENTLESS.
Mike Zybala: What? Why wasn’t I informed of this earlier? I just made that announcement!
Cap Slock: SORRY SIR. I TRIED TO TELL YOU AS SOON AS I COULD.
Mike Zybala: Well, if he’s talentless, he’s talentless. Take me to him.
~Cap Slock leads Zybala toward Paralysis who is standing near an exit with a packed Hello Kitty backpack. Zybala walks up and places his hand on the right shoulder of Paralysis~
Mike Zybala: I’m sorry to tell you this, Paralysis. But due to your condition – a condition that has no cure – I’m going to have to terminate your contract with OCW.
~Paralysis tries to talk, but Zybala shushes him~
Mike Zybala: No, no…this is hard enough as it is. Just…just go.
~Cap Slock opens the exit door. Paralysis marches out, his head hanging toward the ground. A cheap, yellow vehicle is outside, waiting to pick him up. Inside is the UBER MAN. Zybala motions for Uber Man to roll his window down. Uber Man’s left arm gets busy, rolling the window down~
Mike Zybala: Uber Man! Listen, this guy has no talent so don’t do anything that might get you into a fight. He’d be totally useless in such a situation.
~Uber Man nods with a serious look on his face. Paralysis struggles lifting his back pack but is finally able to get it into the car. He trips while trying to get inside. Finally seated, he shuts the door. The Uber Man drives off~
Cap Slock: SIR, WHAT ABOUT CURT CANON’S OPPONENT FOR THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH?
Mike Zybala: We’ll figure something out.
~Zybala and Cap Slock head back inside. We see Josie Barnes in the parking lot signing autographs. She looks up spotting the Uber Man driving in his yellow car, slowly by. They make eye contact. Uber Man takes his right hand and extends his index and middle finger. He points them into his eyes, turns his hand around and points the same two fingers at Josie to indicate that ‘he’s watching her’. Josie rolls her eyes. The Uber Man then drives away. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Too long, didn’t read? The gist is Paralysis has been fired. Canon needs a new opponent and The Uber Man is, apparently, stalking Josie Barnes
Hood: Wow, that’s a lot of stuff
Smith: Indeed…our first casualty of 2018 – Paralysis.
Hood: Big fucking deal
Smith: Anyway…it’s main event time…and, as Commissioner Zybala said, the winner will get an OCW Title shot…this is by far the biggest match of 2018
Hood: I’m fucking stoked! Let’s get to it!
Mack O’Connor (-0.9 pts) vs. ‘The Confederate Icon’ Chad Vargas (1.1 pts)
~The bell rings. The crowd goes wild…a few people are heard yelling “IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME.” A mix of pink and aqua lights take over the arena as Belvedere stands in the center of the ring. He looks around, somewhat thrown off by the lighting~
Hood: What is this, a gay club?
Smith: HOOD…keep your offensive comments to yourself!
~Belvedere clears his throat, finds composure and speaks~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for our Main Event of the Evening!!!
~The crowd explodes with the loudest ovation of the evening. A “MIX!” chant emerges. We see the Margarita Mix trophy at ringside, near the anonymous, has never been named in OCW history time keeper~
Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall…the winner will be crowned the first ever Margarita Mix Champion and will be granted an OCW Title shot as a reward!
~A dueling “MACK” and “CHAD” chant begins. The crowd is split down the middle~
Belvedere: Introducing first…
Smith: Here we go, Hood!
Hood: Fucking right! Two hall of famers, two former OCW Champions…this is set to be one of the biggest matches in OCW history
Smith: Indeed…the future of OCW will be altered based upon the result of this epic encounter
Hood: I’m stoked
Smith: So are you agreeing with me that we are both excited for this amazing…soon to be historical encounter?
Hood: Damnit man…for the first time in company history, I agree with you…I, too, am very much looking forward to this fucking thing…now let’s stop being all gay and let’s get this thing going!
~"Vagabond” by the Greenskeepers hits. Mack O’Connor walks out on the stage and walks directly to the ring, dressed in jeans and a black tank top. He occasionally raises an arm to acknowledge and get a rise out of the fans. He reaches the ringside area and pauses, taking in the crowd, the aura, the atmosphere – everything. The look on his face says ‘it’s great to be back’~
Smith: There he is, Hood…the man with OCW’s strongest liver…he truly looks happy to be back
Hood: Fucker worked all summer for this opportunity. Quick question…does the winner tonight get the shot at TIO at The Greatest Show on Earth?
Smith: Hmm…excellent query
Hood: Fuck off with that query bullshit, I asked a fuckin question!
Smith: In response to your QUESTION…I honestly have no idea…I hadn’t really entertained that scenario
Hood: Talk about useless
~Mack reaches the apron. He places his hands atop the apron and lowers his head, taking in a deep breath. He’s relaxed and focused. He’s back where he belongs, at ringside~
Smith: Mack seems to be in a really good state, mentally. I think he’s been preparing for this moment ever since September
Hood: Yea man, probably…that or he’s super hungover and about to puke
~Mack stares down at the apron, about to hop up when suddenly his body thrusts violently forward up against the edge of the apron~
Smith: Oh my gosh! Mack was just blindsided!
Hood: What the hell? Is he possessed?
Smith: He was attacked!
Hood: Looked like he just had some type of convulsion or a fucking seizure…hey, camera people, can we maybe widen the shot a bit?
~Per Hood’s instructions, the frame widens and we see CHAD VARGAS standing behind Mack O’Connor. A freshly bent steel chair is in his hands. Mack’s upper half is draped over the apron…he starts to slide sideways, about to crash to the ground. Vargas, though, snares Mack by the back of the neck and tosses him into the ring, under the bottom rope~
Smith: What is he doing? The bell has yet to ring!
Hood: Looks to me like he’s gaining an advantage
Smith: But it isn’t fair!
Hood: Neither is life, Smith…get over it
~Vargas climbs into the ring behind Mack with the chair in his left hand. We see a giant bulge around the waistline of the back of his jeans. Vargas stands, poised. Mack struggles to his feet, part battered, part shaken. He turns and WHAM…Vargas lays about as stiff a chair shot as one could imagine over Mack’s bald head. Mack remains on his feet, leaning forward with the chair wrapped around his head. His arms wobble, limply. His legs finally give way as he falls to his side. The crowd begins to boo~
Smith: Sickening chair shot…I can’t see anyway we have this match now…not after this!
Hood: Oh come on, Mack’s been through worse. Didn’t he get thrown off a boat by CJ or was it the other way around?
Smith: You really are terrible with your OCW history, aren’t you?
Hood: Enlighten me, since you’re a fucking walking encyclopedia
Smith: Oh, come on, let’s get back to the action!
~Vargas bends over and roughly tears the chair away from Mack’s head. Mack remains face down on the mat. The chair is bent and warped and pretty dangerous looking. Chad places it on the mat. He yanks O’Connor up…surprisingly O’Connor has yet to be busted open. Chad quickly hooks Mack and thrusts him face down into the chair with The Stroke!! Again the crowd boos!! Belvedere has left the ring. Scruff slides in, trying to get Vargas to stop. Vargas gets back to his feet…he grabs Scruff and tosses him through the ropes to the outside…this generates a TON of heat. It’s Scurff, I mean, c’mon~
Smith: This has gone far enough!
Hood: The hell did Scruff do…did he march in some LGBT parade…is that why Chad is so pissed?
Smith: Do we have to go there…always?
Hood: Go where? Was the parade in Detroit? Because, if it was, I agree, we should never go THERE
~Vargas stands over Mack, kicking him in the back of the head, playfully. Mack begins to stir. He tries pushing off the mat but falters. He tries again, this time getting to one knee. The crowd stomps their feet, chanting for the former champion to stand. Vargas reaches behind and pulls at the bulge secured by the belt at the back of his pants. He removes a bottle of Jameson! The crowd ‘ooohhhs’. Vargas palms the bottom of the bottle, watching Mack. Mack struggles but reaches his feet, with his back to Vargas. He slowly starts to turn around to face Vargas. As he does, Vargas flips the bottle in the air, catching it by the neck and then swinging forward, smashing the bottle against the bald head of Mack!!! Mack falls backward…the back of his neck catches the bottom rope, snapping his head forward! ~
Smith: No!! He might have a broken neck!
Hood: Two birds, one stone
Smith: Excuse me?
Hood: He broke two necks with one swing…Mack’s and Jameson’s
Smith: You’re a disgusting man
Hood: Hey! I shower every day – twice on Sundays
~Glass and brown liquid litter the ground alongside a bent beyond repair steel chair and a limp Mack O’Connor. Chad saunters around, confidently. He finds the bottom of the Jameson bottle, broken away and sitting, fortuitously, upright. He picks it up with his index and thumb, palms it and takes a sip, enjoying the near top shelf whiskey. The crowd begins a “FUCK YOU CHAD” chant. Vargas pauses, he looks out into the crowd…he holds up his index finger and takes another long, enjoyable sip. He then turns and spits the mouthful of liquor all over Mack’s body. The crowd boos. Chad throws the bottom of the bottle out of the ring~
Smith: Now he’s just rubbing it in…what a despicable display!
Hood: At least he drank some of the whiskey…I mean that stuff isn’t all that cheap ya know
Smith: He spat it back out onto Mack!
Hood: True…he might be more of a Kentucky whiskey kinda guy…is Jameson made in Kentucky?
Smith: I honestly have no clue
~Vargas pulls Mack to his feet. We get our first shot of Mack’s head post bottle attack…it’s a bloody mess. Mack falls into Vargas, unable to stand on his own two feet. Vargas laughs and palms Mack’s head with both hands, shoving his head back. Vargas yells into Mack’s face. He drags him near a pile of glass that conveniently landed in the same spot, post attack. He spins around, hooks Mack and drops him, front first onto the glass!! Fans at ringside are appalled; disgusted…they start to throw stuff into the ring. Chad pops up, his right arm is gashed. He grabs hold, applying pressure. He hops through the ropes, to the outside~
Smith: We need help out here! Somebody please, get out here!
Hood: Yes! Chad has cut his arm! We need medic immediately!
Smith: That is the LEAST of my concerns!
Hood: Hey, you guys won the war, okay…you can stop wishing death upon the South
~Vargas spots a person wearing a Meyhu “I did it for – MYSELF!’ shirt…he rips it off the fans body to reveal a pale, emaciated frame. The male fan shrieks like a girl and runs through the crowd. Vargas takes the shirt and wraps it around the cut on his arm. He looks down at the shirt, barely fitting around his arm. “Fuckin pussy,” he says. He then spots something shiny out of the corner of his eye~
Smith: Hopefully we don’t get in trouble for that
Hood: For what? If anything WE should file a complaint. Fucking guy went streaking through the crowd…pervert.
Smith: Yea, because that’s exactly how it went down. In the meantime, Vargas has his eyes set on the Mix trophy
Hood: Well, he has earned it
Smith: Are you kidding me?
~Vargas stands in front of the Mix trophy. Belvedere backs away…he’s no man of confrontation. Vargas grabs the trophy…he snares a mic and he enters into the ring. Mack remains face down in glass. Vargas stands over him, holding the trophy high in the air. The crowd boos~
Chad Vargas: That’s right! This is my fuckin trophy! And I want my fuckin title shot right fucking now!
~Vargas stands in the middle of the ring, staring at the entry way~
Smith: Is he…is he serious?
Hood: Chad’s always serious whenever he’s holding both a mic and a trophy
Smith: A somewhat esoteric fact, it would seem
Hood: What do you mean esoteric? You calling Chad a dinosaur?
Chad Vargas: I’m not fucking around! Mack’s done. I’m the Mix champion…now send TIO out here and let me kick his ass for the OCW Championship! C’mon!
Smith: He’s calling out the champion…do you think he’s actually going to get what he wants?
Hood: I doubt it…Welsh seems like a stickler when it comes to his plans. And, well, this whole show coming up is built around a Meyhu, TIO main event
Smith: Good point
Chad Vargas: No? You’re not coming out? You are just going to ignore me? Fine, I’ll continue beating on Mack until I get an answer!
~Chad lifts the trophy high into the air, about to send it crashing down into the back of Mack’s unprotected head~
Smith: No! This could do some serious damage!
Hood: One blow to the back of the head may give Mack the worst condition a pro wrestler could have
Smith: What’s that? Brain damage? Loss of memory?
Hood: No talent!
Smith: Stop
~"Smart Went Crazy" by Atmosphere hits! The crowd jumps to their feet with a shocked ovation. Chad pauses, staring at the entrance way. BOB GRENIER emerges from behind the curtain with focus. He marches down the ramp, toward the ring. He stomps up the steps and pauses, on the apron. Chad mouths the words, “Fuckin Bob?” Bob steps through the ropes and walks up to Chad~
Smith: It’s Bob!
Hood: I thought he fuckin retired. Shortest retirement ever?
Smith: Just because he’s out here doesn’t mean he’s Unretired. It just means he wasn’t going to put up with anymore of this heinous violence
Hood: I never knew Bob to be such a pussy
~Bob grabs Vargas by the neck and shoves him away from Mack! Vargas stumbles into a corner. He looks up, shocked. He becomes angry. OCW medical, led by the masked face of the Knife Man rush down. They quickly get Mack out of the ring, onto the apron. Vargas looks over at Bob and reaches back with the Mix trophy~
Smith: He’s going to break that trophy over Bob’s head!
Hood: Well, that’s gonna hurt
Smith: Ya think?
~Vargas swings the trophy. Bob catches it! Both men stand, staring at each other, each with a strong grasp of the trophy. They pause. The crowd starts to chant “YES! YES! YES!” Vargas looks into the crowd. Grenier looks into the crowd. It’s an epic moment~
Smith: Grenier and Vargas? One last time?
Hood: For the fucking Margarita Mix trophy?
Smith: I’m down!
Hood: You’re fucking down? What are you, fifteen? Talk like a grown man!
~A stretcher is at ringside. Mack is hurriedly placed atop the stretcher and wheeled to the back. We focus back in on Grenier and Vargas~
Smith: These two are bitter rivals…they have been the architects of one of OCW’s greatest rivalries. Can you imagine…Grenier versus Vargas for the Margarita Mix trophy AND an OCW Title shot?
Hood: Shit, that’d be like a co-main event to Meyhu and TIO…it’d be that fucking big
Smith: Indeed!! Well, we’re out of time folks…I don’t think we’re gonna get any answers tonight…so, until next time…I’m Smith and alongside me is Hood…see you next Monday!
~The camera cuts to the office of Marcus Welsh. OCW's General Manager is skimming the contents of a piece of paper he's holding with both hands... and whatever he sees has him smiling faintly as his gaze rises to meet someone who is not in the shot.~
Marcus Welsh: --and with that, everything is in order.
~His smile seems genuine enough, but there's something darker in its underpinnings--as if something is falling into place for a grand scheme of some sort.~
Marcus Welsh: Welcome back to OCW... though I suppose it's only a technicality that you're returning, since you never got the chance to show me what you're capable of. I'm sorry about that, by the way. It must've been frustrating to sign a contract only to not get the chance to wre--
~It's not often that someone gets away with interrupting the General Manager, but the feminine voice that does so is pleasing to the ear and possessed of a confidence that ensures its success.~
??: There's no need to apologize. What matters is the present... and it won't be long at all before you and everyone else on this roster knows what I can do in that ring.
~Marcus chuckles, settling back into his leather chair with a nod.~
Marcus Welsh: I look forward to it, Kestrel.
~The camera pans over to reveal the familiar sight of the gorgeous blond herself, eyes lined with kohl and figure hugged by a black Herve Leger dress. Her smirk is as sharp as a Vorpal Blade as she lets out a soft huff of a laugh.~
Kestrel: I'm sure you do, Marcus. I'm sure you do.
~The scene fades to black.~