OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, August 27th 2018
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
~Boy are we glad we didn’t drink yesterday! Or are we? It turned out to be a rather dull day. Oh well, work was WAY easier this Monday over last. Anyway, we grab a coconut water because health, for some arbitrary reason, has become an issue of paramount importance. We strut toward the living room with casual style. The couch awaits. We pause, staring at the couch, wondering how long it’s been since we cleaned in between the cushions. What lies between those cushions? We aren’t a filthy animal, so they couldn’t be THAT dirty. We, however, aren’t some kind of cyborg which meant we did eat the occasional meal on the couch, in front of the TV. Meh, whatever, who cares. We take a seat and snare the remote. The television turns on to reveal that sweet, sweet Massacre logo. It’s TIME! The Margarita Mix semi finals! Matches for a Paradigm and Savage Title shot! And, let’s not forget, the debut of Siobhan Townsend! My goodness tonight is going to be more golden than an erotic shower. Let’s get into it! The scene cuts to an arena of screaming OCW fans! Several signs are immersed within the electric crowd. The camera cuts to Smith and Hood…old faithful of OCW~
Smith: Hello everyone and welcome again to another edition of Monday Night Massacre! I’m your host Smith and alongside me as always is Hood
Hood: I’M SO HOOOOOOD
Smith: Yes, you are
Hood: And August is ALMOST over…woo!
Smith: The doldrums of August are coming to a close, everyone. Football is around the corner…as is Mayhem on the Midway!
Hood: Or, as I refer to it…Meyhem on the Midway
Smith: You know I catch myself almost typing it that way at least once a week?
Hood: Feel free to step into the light and announce your undying admiration for the champ at any time
Smith: Never. Not unless we get an attitude change. But I will, however, express my support for the matches this evening. Siobhan Townsend debuting…Grenier and The Lost Soul taking last week’s frustrations out on one another…three of the top up and comers in OCW facing off for a Paradigm Title Shot…and the Mix semis…oh man, I’m so excited!
Hood: Well keep those hardened nipples in the other direction. I’m here for Syren and to watch Zybala hand that OCW Title back to THE CHAMP
Smith: And because it’s your job!
Hood: Yea, that too
Smith: But it is true…last week’s shocking end was overturned by the OCW interim GM Cap Slock. Zybala must return the title to Matt Meyhu and it must be tonight.
Hood: Cap Slock keeps making decisions like that and he might just be okay. I mean, really, all we need is a barrier keeping Zybala from full creative access
Smith: Many would argue that same sentiment. However, allow me to point out that the ending to last week’s show drew our biggest rating of 2018!
Hood: FAKE NEWS
Smith: Right…anyway…
~"Can't Tell Me Nothing" by Kanye West hits and the fans begin to boo as the OCW Champion, Matt Meyhu, steps out onto the ramp. His manager, Ezra Rosenberg, flanks him. Matt points to his shoulder, emphasizing the point that the OCW championship is not draped over his shoulder tonight. Ezra shakes his head in disgust.~
Hood: The rightful champ is here! What a way to kick off Massacre.
Smith: The Marvel is on his way to the ring, and I’ve got to imagine he wants that belt back.
Hood: He shouldn’t even need to be coming out here tonight. The man needs his rest!
~Meyhu and Ezra make their way down the ramp, ignoring the poor response from the crowd, and climb up the steps before entering the ring. Meyhu grabs ahold of the microphone and waits for the music to fade out.~
Hood: These people better shut up, the champ is about to speak!
Matt Meyhu: Last week, a crime was committed! A robbery occurred. OCW’s very own commissioner stole the OCW Championship! Now, I don’t know about you, but I am disgusted by these actions.
~The fans cheer at the thought of Meyhu losing the title. Ezra shakes his head and pats Matt on the back. The two men take a moment of silence.~
Matt Meyhu: I appreciate your concern! But don’t you worry. The powers that be have decided to right that wrong. Tonight, MY OCW Championship will be returned to me. Hopefully, in time, perpetrator will be further disciplined… Although I’m not holding my breath with the way things are going around here now.
~The cheers morph into boos. Meyhu nods, thinking they’re agreeing with him.~
Matt Meyhu: Boo! I know. Believe me, I know. We lost a good man in that front office! It just isn’t fair at all.
~More boos fill the arena for Marcus Welsh.~
Matt Meyhu: I miss him too! We’ll get him back, don’t you worry! We’re headed to a dark place without him. But in the meantime, let’s get that title back to its rightful owner! Zybala, I know you’re here. Wipe any Mountain Dew and Cheetos remnants off my title and bring it on down here.
~Meyhu and Ezra watch the ramp, anxiously awaiting the appearance of Mike Zybala and the OCW Championship.~
Zybala: You know, despite what some people think, I am a man of integrity and I will admit when I'm wrong. Matt, I'm sorry I stole the title from you.
~The fans are stunned, as are Meyhu and Ezra. Meyhu looks at Zybala cautiously. Where is he going with this?~
Zybala: I made a mistake. If I had read the Survivor title contract better, I would have seen the part that said BOTH Matt and I had to sign the contract to make it legit. I was working on the assumption that it was like an “Oh Shit” contract and I was wrong. So I would like to say I'm sorry and give back what is rightfully yours.
~The fans boo as Zybala takes the title off of shoulder and tries handing it to a cautious Meyhu, who just steps back, assuming Zybala's planning an attack. Zybala just shrugs and hands the belt to Ezra, who takes it then hands it to Meyhu. Meyhu hugs his belt close for a moment before holding it high as the fans bathe him with boos. Zybala then starts to speak again.~
Zybala: Now that I know the specifics of the contract, I am giving this warning. Whether you retain the belt after Mayhem, or someone beats you for it, I'm cashing in my contract for the next Massacre regardless who's champion. Then I'll be holding that title again, and there is nothing you or Welsh can do about it!
~Zybala turns away to leave the ring. Ezra places his hand on Zybala’s shoulder, making him turn back around. He offers a handshake to the commish for doing the right thing. Zybala contemplates shaking Ezra’s hand, but is hesitant. Before he can make a call, he is shoved toward the middle of the ring by Ezra, right into a superkick from the champ! The fans let them hear it. Ezra chuckles as Meyhu smiles.~
Smith: What a cheap shot by the Marvel and his crony!
Hood: He had that coming! He deserves what he just got… And what he’s about to get!
~Meyhu stands over Zybala, who is writhing in pain. The commissioner rolls over and starts to push himself back up to his feet. Meyhu sets the title down in the middle of the ring and stalks Zybala.~
Smith: Watch out Mike!
~Zybala returns to his feet and turns around right into a hard knee to the gut. Meyhu hooks Zybala and takes a moment to look around at the crowd before driving Zybala face first into the OCW title with an Ego Trip! The champion returns to his feet and poses for the crowd, who want no part of it. He shrugs. Ezra picks up the title and dusts it off before returning it to its rightful owner.~
Hood: Your OCW Champion, ladies and gentlemen!
~"Can't Tell Me Nothing" by Kanye West hits again as the champ poses once more, this time with the title back over his shoulder. Grinning from ear to ear, Meyhu and Ezra make their way out of the ring and up the ramp, leaving Zybala lying in the ring.~
~We cut backstage where Cap Slock is seen with a desk outside, in the hallway. It’s right outside of Welsh’s office. There is a giant DO NOT ENTER sign on the door. Despite the sign, it does open every so often. BARRY MAN IS LOW steps out – the former head of OCW security. He’s his usual self. Big, imposing, but dressed like a relic from the late seventies. In his mustard yellow suit, he approaches Cap Slock and places a freshly FAXED piece of paper in front of him. Cap Slock takes a pair of glasses, quietly puts them on and reads the letter’s contents~
Cap Slock: THANK YOU BARRY MAN IS LOW. OCW FANS…
~Cap Slock looks into the camera~
Cap Slock: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT AS YOUR INTERIM GM I APPRECIATE YOU ALL TUNING IN AND SHOWING YOUR SUPPORT FOR OCW. LAST WEEK WAS UNFORTUNATE, HOWEVER…
~Cap Slock’s eyes divert down, momentarily, to the sheet of paper. He refocuses them onto the camera~
Cap Slock: HOWEVER I WANT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT MR WELSH IS IN GOOD SPIRITS. HE’S TRAINING FOR HIS MATCH AT MAYHEM ON THE MIDWAY AND FULLY INTENDS TO BE REINSTATED UPON ITS COMPLETION. DO NOT WORRY OR FRET OVER OUR GOOD GENERAL MANAGER. THIS…
~Again his eyes divert downward. They return~
Cap Slock: THIS WAS A MUCH NEEDED WAKE UP CALL FOR AN INDIVIDUAL WHO HAD LOST HIS WAY. HE IS FOREVER A CHANGED MAN AND LOOKS FORWARD TO SERVING YOU ALL AS OCW GENERAL MANAGER IN THE FUTURE. SO…
~Once more his eyes divert downward before returning~
Cap Slock: SO SIT BACK, RELAX AND ENJOY THIS INCREDIBLE NIGHT OF ACTION. GET READY FOR MAYHEM ON THE MIDWAY, EVERYBODY! IT SHOULD BE AN EVENT LIKE NO OTHER IN OCW’S HISTORY!
~We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Wait a minute
Hood: Something is wrong with Cap Slock’s eyes. Was he fighting off a seizure?
Smith: I don’t think so, Hood
Hood: Well that’s good to hear. What a statement, huh? Poetic words! This man would make a great GM…it’s just unfortunate that a superior GM will be returning shortly
Smith: I have my doubts
Hood: Pshaw
Smith: Regardless…Welsh, I’m told, is not here…so let’s roll on with our first Welsh free evening since 2015! We’ll kick things off appropriately with the debut of Welsh’s whistle blower…Siobhan Townsend
Hood: I already hate this woman
Smith: To the ring!
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Singles Match
Siobhan Townsend (0-0) vs. John E Depth (0-3)
~The crowd is acting like a bunch of filthy animals. Yelling, screaming, taunting, throwing beach balls, potentially sexually harassing one another. They need SOMETHING to grab their attention. Thankfully, Belvedere’s sweet voice clears itself into the mic and over the PA. The crowd goes wild~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for our opening match of the evening! This is a singles match scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring from Hollywood, California…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 230lbs…John E Depth!!
~John E Depth isn’t in the ring, actually. He’s outside the ring near the barricade chatting up a few naïve females. He’s saying things like “I’ll make you a star” and “You have such tremendous physical charisma!” They are alone, without any strong guidance. Depth sees the low hanging fruit and is doing his best to take advantage. He reaches into the front portion of his trunks and pulls out some business cards covered in pubic hair and oil. The girls wrinkle their nose…they are smart enough to realize this is disgusting. But Depth mentions about how in order to make it as an actress you have to pay your dues. So, the girls are about to accept the potentially STD carrying, oil laminated, tiny, rectangular pieces of advertisement~
Smith: Oh no, don’t take those! Somebody stop those girls!
Hood: Looks like the Slam Buss is gonna be rocking tonight!
~The opening, pulsating beat of 'Control' hits the sound system as the overhead lights dim. Lights in various shades of blue flicker into being, moving with the rhythm of the music. The backbeat kicks in as the Requiem strides out from behind the curtain, her expression a focused mask of neutrality that betrays nothing as to what she is thinking. Siobhan Townsend's head turns, her gaze taking in the crowd and her surroundings much the way a sniper would scan over a battlefield with a piercing gaze. Once she is satisfied that all is as it should be, she begins her walk to the ring. It's a no-muss, no-fuss sort of affair for her--the fans ignored due to her focus resting solely upon the ring. It's about at the bottom of the ramp that she speeds up, a sudden burst of speed all the more she needs to slide into the ring on her stomach. Quickly regaining her feet, the final three words of the chorus (such as it is) sounding out as she pops up to her feet~
~There is no pandering to the fans, no indicator of paying them any mind--instead? Siobhan simply makes her way to the corner, waiting in silence while her music fades. Depth keeps trying to hand his business card to the girls, but they are too caught up in the appearance and aura that surrounds Siobhan Townsend~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Cleveland, Ohio…standing 5’7 and weighing in at 160lbs…. “The Requiem” Siobhan Townsend!!!
~The crowd cheers! Siobhan remains focused. Belvedere exits the ring, his job complete. Depth is growing agitated that the women in the front row are paying him no attention. He gets more aggressive in trying to reclaim their focus~
Smith: Siobhan Townsend made her debut last week in shocking fashion. She squeezed some uncomfortable, disturbing truths out of our General Manager, Marcus Welsh
Hood: She’s probably ruined OCW. If Welsh gets fired that means…that means Zybala is free to do as he pleases
Smith: Cap Slock is, officially, the interim GM
Hood: Ah, yes, because that is SO much better
~Depth continues to get aggressively pushy with the two women. He finally snaps and yells “HEY, SLUTS!” The women are offended. A few skeevy men in the front row eye the women, nodding while saying “Ooohh, sluts.” Siobhan emerges from her corner. Her hearing seems to be working just fine. She leans into the ropes, furthest from Depth. Depth glares at the women, extending the business cards with a look that says ‘take these or else.’ The girls at ringside are nervous~
Smith: He’d better calm down. This is 2018. I will not stand for that type of behavior!
Hood: Oh what the hell are you going to do? File a complaint with HR? You know that department doesn’t exist around here
~Siobhan sways against the ropes, building up some momentum…she then springs off the ropes, sprints across the ring and dives through the ropes at Depth nailing him with a Suicide Dive!!! Depth crashes, hairy chest first into the barricade. The cards are in his hand…his arms flail forward, slapping the cards into the faces of the skeevy men! The crowd goes wild!! Siobhan pops to her feet. Depth turns over, placing his back to the barricade. The slinks down into a seated position. The two women at ringside, imbibed with a sense of pride and courage, turn around and slap the skeevy men. They take off running, with Depth’s cards stuck to their faces. The crowd goes wild! Siobhan positions herself in front of Depth~
Smith: Yes! Way to go, Sio!
Hood: Oh so you guys are not only one first name basis…but you’re on that shortened first name basis
Smith: Not technically…I just thought I’d take the leap of faith in the hope that she doesn’t mind
~Townsend throws some stiff kicks into Depth’s chest. He tries blocking them but the force of each kick is too strong. She kicks him over and over and over again with the crowd cheering each ‘thud’. Finally, she ceases. Depth falls to his side, seemingly unconscious. Siobhan grabs him by his goofy mustache…yanks him to his feet and tosses him back into the ring. Depth yells because, well, when you grab a man by the mustache it hurts. He rolls into the ring, holding his mustache in pain. Siobhan hops up onto the apron~
Smith: Take him apart! Rip all his facial hair off!
Hood: Calm down, man
Smith: He’s filth. He’s disgusting. We need to purge men like him from OCW
Hood: Men like him ARE OCW, you idiot
~Depth gets to his feet, staggering around. Siobhan leaps onto the top rope. Depth turns around. She springboards off the top rope, gains tremendous altitude and drills Depth in the face with a Springboard Roaring Elbow (Nevermore)!! Depth hits the mat, hard. His momentum sends him rolling over his head, landing on his front side. Siobhan quickly returns to her feet. The crowd is firmly behind her. They want her to end it~
Smith: This is a blow out!
Hood: Yea, this is uglier than that woman I saw you with last week
Smith: Hey! That was my mother!
Hood: Ah, okay, I guess that explains why she refused to let you order dessert.
Smith: Look I can be a little lactose intolerant at times and I had already…hey…how did you know that? Were you following us?
Hood: I just hadn’t seen you on a date in, well, ever…wanted to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Makes sense now, knowing that it was your mom
~Townsend heads for the corner with Depth on the mat, front first. She quickly ascends the top rope, looking down. She leaps off gaining tremendous height…she brings her knees up and comes crashing down with a double foot stomp into the back of Depth!!! The crowd winces at first before going wild! Townsend tucks and rolls, avoiding a rough fall. She pops back to her feet, rolls Depth over and makes the cover. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…“THE REQUIEM” SIOBHAN TOWNSEND!!!!!
Smith: Impressive victory by The Requiem! She calls that move we just saw ‘Funeral March’. I predict she wins a lot of matches with that very move
Hood: Man she kicked the porn out of Depth
Smith: What does that even mean?
Hood: I don’t know…I just said it
Smith: A true pro as always. Siobhan has already made a tremendous impact in OCW despite wrestling her first match…an opening match, here tonight. This is what stars do, Hood. They shake things up in and outside the ring
Hood: She’s a star, I’m not debating that. Because, ya know, if I did…she might kick my ass
Smith: I wouldn’t put it past her! She’s here to rid OCW of all nefarious, perfidious acts and affairs! And I’d say she’s off to a great start!
~We cut backstage once again where Cap Slock is at his cheap little table in the hallway outside Welsh’s desk. A large poster of Welsh has been put up since we last saw him. It hangs ominously over the head of Cap Slock. The good captain is seated at his desk, upright, hands folded, keeping a close watch on all the comings and goings of an backstage hallway. LEO THE HIGH SCHOOL INTERN suddenly rushes into view. The crowd pops. We haven’t seen LEO in some time. He approaches Cap Slock~
Cap Slock: LEO MY GOOD BOY. HOW IS LIFE?
Leo the High School Intern: Not bad, considering I’m a thirty four year old intern but at least I have my health.
~Leo coughs, violently, and nearly falls to his knees. He stabilizies~
Leo the High School Intern: Anyway…I was sent by the commissioner
Cap Slock: ON WHAT BUSINESS BOY?
Leo the High School Intern: Commissioner Zybala has suggested that…due to her contributions in stymying OCW’s corruption last week…he thinks Siobhan Townsend should compete for the OCW Paradigm Championship at Mayhem on the Midway.
Cap Slock: THAT’S A HELL OF AN IDEA BOY
Leo the High School Intern: So…what do you say, sir?
Cap Slock: WELL I’D HAVE TO RUN IT BY…
Leo the High School intern: Nobody…YOU’RE the General Manager
Cap Slock: BY JOVE YOU’RE RIGHT. I AM THE GENERAL MANAGER. ALLOW ME TO RUMINATE ON THIS FOR A WHILE. TELL THE GOOD ZYBALA THAT I SHALL HAVE MY ANSWER BY THE END OF THE EVENING.
Leo the High School Intern: You got it, sir!
~Leo rushes off to inform Zybala. Once he’s gone, Cap Slock knocks on the door to Welsh’s office. It opens and BARRY MAN IS LOW steps out. Cap Slock begins to whisper something but realizes how his voice can carry. He’s not COMPLETELY unaware. So he scribbles something down in perfect penmanship and hands it over. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: What a great idea! I’m telling you, Zybala is the man this place needs!
Hood: Do you want me to kill myself?
Smith: No way!
Hood: Then quit giving me reasons
Smith: I think we can go ahead and pencil Siobhan Townsend into that match, don’t you? It’s an obvious decision
Hood: I’d wait until the GM makes his announcement.
Smith: I said pencil, not pen
Hood: Always afraid to commit
Smith: Leave me alone…anyway, the GM will have an answer by the end of tonight! In the meantime, we’ve got more action. Up next two legends will do battle to find out who will face the recently reinstated Iggy Hardy at Mayhem on the Midway for the Savage Title! Let’s head down to ringside!
OCW Savage #1 Contenders Match
Bob Grenier (14-12) vs. The Lost Soul (4-2)
~The crowd is buzzing with excitement. They are ready for some competition. IN RING COMPETITION IF WE’RE BEING HONEST. Belvedere clears his throat and the crowd pops, ready for the next match~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen the following match is a #1 Contenders Match for a shot at the Savage Championship. This match will be no disqualification, falls count anywhere! The winner will face Iggy Hardy at Mayhem on the Midway for the Savage Championship. Introducing first…
~The Friday the 13th theme hits. The crowd turns and watches The Lost Soul step out from behind the curtain. He makes his way down the ramp. He’s very calm and methodical in his motions. He rolls into the ring and rises to his feet~
Belvedere: From Parts Unknown, standing 6’3 and weighing in at 235lbs…The Lost Soul!!!
~Everybody waits for Grenier’s music to hits. TLS, in the center of the ring, watches toward the ramp. Suddenly, a figure slides into the ring. Belvedere, showing a surprising amount of quickness, darts out of the way. The figure pummels TLS in the back of the head with a forearm shot!! TLS staggers into the ropes, front first, he stumbles backward and is tossed on his head via a German Suplex!! The figure pops to his feet and turns toward the camera…it’s Bob Grenier!! He yells at the timekeeper to ring the bell. The bell rings. Bob goes for the pin on TLS~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: This match is underway in unexpected fashion! Bob Grenier just attacked TLS from behind gaining the early advantage!
Hood: Ah shit…he’s painting his face too? It’s spreading…it’s an epidemic!
Smith: Bob has had a rough month since Grenier Massacre. A win tonight would go a long way in getting him back on track
Hood: Yea but TLS went toe to toe with Syren. Which makes him basically the second strongest man in the world
Smith: Right
~Grenier’s face is, indeed, painted. He’s on his knees, frustrated he was unable to score that quick, unexpected pinfall. He pummels TLS with some right fists, keeping The Lost Soul on the mat. He snares TLS by the hair with both hands, getting to his feet while bringing TLS along for the ride. He boots TLS in the gut, doubling him over. Grenier hoists TLS up for a powerbomb and heads toward the ropes. The crowd rises~
Smith: A powerbomb over the top rope?
Hood: Bob is here to win!
Smith: He’s not messing around, that’s for sure
~TLS, aware of the situation, rakes the eyes of Grenier!! Bob stumbles, his grip loosens. TLS hops over Grenier’s head, landing on his feet. He runs, hits the ropes, bounces off and charges at Grenier. Bob turns around and is turned inside out with a lariat!! Bob hits the mat hard. TLS falls into the ropes, landing on his knees, his arms hanging over the middle rope~
Smith: Great counter by The Lost Soul. Dare I say if he had been powerbombed all the way to the outside…this one might have been over
Hood: How dare you!
Smith: Yea, I said it
~TLS returns to his feet. Bob is sitting up. TLS helps Grenier to his feet. The minute Grenier is standing TLS dives in with a headbutt! Bob staggers into the ropes. TLS rushes forward with a clothesline…Bob ducks and lifts TLS over the top rope. TLS lands on the apron. Bob throws a back elbow which rocks The Lost Soul! Bob throws a mule kick into The Lost Soul’s gut which nearly sends him off the apron. Bob runs into the ropes…he bounces off and dives through the ropes spearing TLS off the apron and to the floor!! The crowd at ringside goes wild! TLS crashes, back first into the barricade, bending it. Bob’s head hits the barricade during the impact. Both men are down. Scruff slides under the bottom rope and monitors the situation~
Smith: Bob is crazy!
Hood: This is his type of atmosphere, Smith. Grenier is more of a brawler than a technician
Smith: Yea but at his age…after everything he’s been through…don’t you think the guy might want to slow down some?
Hood: You serious, Clark?
Smith: MY NAME IS SMITH
~After a few minutes of napping on top of one another (not really!) TLS shoves Bob off him. Bob’s lifeless body rolls onto its back. TLS crawls on top going for a ‘why the fuck not’ pinfall. Scruff drops to his knees and makes the count~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!
Smith: Bob kicked out! I think that spear to the outside did more harm to Bob than it did to TLS
Hood: That or Bob was playing possum
Smith: That’s a pretty dedicated possum job
Hood: Well job does rhyme with bob
Smith: And what does that mean, exactly?
Hood: I don’t know
~TLS returns to his feet unmoved by the near fall. It was a long shot to begin with. He pulls Grenier up by the arm and whips him toward the steps. Bob stops right in front of the steps. TLS charges in. He leaps in the air for a bulldog but Bob catches him! He’s got him in the air in an atomic drop position. He drops TLS bottom first atop the steps!! TLS hits and rolls forward on the other side of the steps, holding his lower back in pain~
Smith: Great counter by Bob!
Hood: Man, TLS is going to need one of those old people pillows when he drives now
Smith: Those aren’t just for old people, Hood
Hood: Does TLS even drive? And, if he does, does he drive with the face paint on?
Smith: I don’t know
~Bob hops onto the steps. He measure TLS up, waiting for him to stop writhing around. TLS gets on all fours. Grenier hops off the steps and drives and elbow into the back of The Lost Soul’s neck!! The Lost Soul’s face slams into the floor! Grenier pops back to his feet, shaking off the punishment he’s endured thus far…he seems to be growing stronger at the moment~
Smith: Bob looking strong! This new attitude might be working
Hood: So those ass pillows aren’t just for old people?
Smith: No
Hood: Would you fuck a hot girl if she sat on one of those?
Smith: While we were copulating or in general?
Hood: Copulating?
Smith: Fornicating
Hood: Fornicating?
Smith: Making love
Hood: Ugh, never mind man…I don’t feel like talking about this anymore
~Grenier hoists TLS up and picks him up in a spinebuster position. He charges toward the barricade and rams TLS back first into the barricade! He holds on, turns and charges toward the ring apron, jamming the middle of The Lost Soul’s back into the edge of the apron!! He continues to hold on and turns toward the steps. He dives into the steps, ramming the back of TLS into the steps!! Grenier crawls away, holding his head. He rolls over, dazed. TLS slumps to the ground, falling to his side~
Smith: I think Bob needs to reconsider some of his offense
Hood: That or he wants massive CTE so he can sue the fuck out of this company and retire
Smith: Bob wouldn’t do that
Hood: He’s Canadian…of course he’d do that!
~Bob reaches for the apron cloth using it to get to his feet. He leans onto the apron shaking the fog from his battered brain. TLS sits up against the steps, wincing due to his aching back. Bob sees an opportunity. That or he’s still dazed. Whatever the case, he charges toward TLS. He goes for a knee…TLS dodges…Bob’s knee SLAMS into the steps! He flips over the steps and splats on his back on the other side! The fans at ringside cringe. Bob holds his knee, rolling around in pain~
Smith: Bob is way too reckless
Hood: That’s the Grenier way…why do you think he has so many dead relatives
Smith: That, well…I’m sure that’s merely a coincidence
Hood: You can’t forget about Gunther Grenier…the Grenier who died while trying to spear a moving pickup truck
~TLS stands atop the steps, looking down at Bob. Grenier is flat on his back, staring at the lights. TLS leaps off with Souled Out (somersault leg drop)!!! Bob moves!! TLS lands HARD on the outside! The crowd cringes. Grenier sits up against the apron working his knee back and forth, slapping some feeling back into it~
Smith: TLS went for the win there and failed
Hood: Guy hasn’t won a fucking thing in nearly three years…why are we surprised?
Smith: Lay off the legend!
~Grenier returns to his feet. He tests the knee – it’s okay. He heads over for TLS and snares him by the green hair. He hooks him in guillotine. TLS tries to fight out of it. Grenier applies more pressure…soon, TLS movements slow. His oxygen has been cut off. Grenier releases the hold and shoves TLS violently backward. TLS slams into the ring steps. Grenier heads toward TLS and turns him around. He grabs TLS by the legs. The Lost Soul’s hands are palms down on the top portion of the steps…he’s got his arms extended. Bob secures TLS’ legs in a wheel barrow position~
Smith: Uh oh…I’ve heard Bob’s been working on a new finisher. It starts just like this
Hood: Going back to his farming roots, eh?
Smith: Was the eh really necessary?
Hood: I’m just trying to relate to out Canadian audience
~Bob slings TLS up into the air. TLS’ legs kick out. He’s suspended in air above the steps. Bob grabs him by the head and drops him across the top of the ring steps with a neckbreaker!!! The crowd a ringside grimaces. Some woman with a clown fetish (most likely) shrieks “My goodness they’ve killed him! He has no soul!” Take from that what you will. Grenier grabs the back of his head and neck…a negative side effect from pulling off that move. He rolls around, kicking his legs. Our camera pans to the other side of the steps to find a motionless TLS. Scruff stands next to TLS, checking on him~
Smith: That might have broken BOTH men’s necks!
Hood: Maybe…but no doubt TLS’ neck is shattered
Smith: There’s some doubt
Hood: Nope, none
~Grenier stops writhing around and begins to crawl around the steps. He reaches the feet of TLS and drags him away from the steps. He gets TLS onto his back and makes the cover. Scruff drops to his knees and counts~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP
Smith: TLS kicked out! Unbelievable!
Hood: And with a SHATTERED neck…man, guy is something
Smith: His neck isn’t shattered!
~Bob is pissed. He gets to his feet and rotates his neck a few times, loosening it up. He rubs the back of his head, easing some of the stinging pain that remains. He grabs TLS and walks him up the steps. He pauses and looks around. He shakes his head and takes TLS onto the apron. They are facing a bare area around the ring…there is nothing but floor…matted floor…but floor nonetheless. Bob knees TLS in the gut and is about to hook him for an Argentine Powerbomb…but he hesitates~
Smith: What is he hesitating for?
Hood: Brain damage is finally kicking in
~Bob drops down off the apron, releasing TLS. TLS drops to one knee on the apron. Bob grabs the mat which is covering the concrete floor. He rips it up and pulls it aside, exposing the concrete! The fans at ringside stand~
Smith: What is he doing?!
Hood: Maybe he thought he might find some loose change down there
~Grenier returns to the apron. He pulls TLS up and hooks him for the Argentine Powerbomb. TLS, though, wraps his legs around the head of Grenier…he pulls back and delivers a Frankensteiner off the apron!! Bob flips over and lands on the concrete back first!!! He yells out in pain!! The fans at ringside lean over, to see if he’s okay. TLS manages to land on his knees, near the apron. He winces and holds onto the apron, pulling himself up~
Smith: Grenier’s back might be broken!
Hood: Maybe…but TLS is doing all of this with a SHATTERED neck
Smith: For the last time…his neck is NOT shattered
~TLS returns to the apron. His knees are stinging. He bends down and rubs them. Bob is on his back…his body is arches. His hands rub his spinal column. TLS stands upright…he leaps off and performs a somersault…he drops a leg across the chest of Grenier onto the concrete surface! The fans chant “HOLY FUCK!” TLS reaches for his posterior…it landed roughly. Grenier is out. TLS fights through the pain and makes the cover. Scruff carefully gets to his knees and counts~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…and the man who will go on to face Iggy Hardy at Mayhem on the Midway for the OCW Savage Championship….THE LOST SOUL!!!!!
Smith: TLS did it! He might have fractured his tail bone…but he did it!
Hood: A fractured tail bone AND a SHATTERED neck? Guy is fucked
Smith: His neck is NOT shattered
Hood: Since when did you become The Knife Man?
Smith: It’s called common sense. But, yes…this match did take its toll on TLS. And now…now he must face a very fresh Iggy Hardy
Hood: Potentially fresh…just because Iggy hasn’t been wrestling doesn’t mean his body isn’t ravaged by continuous drug use and whore fucking
Smith: Right…tough loss, again, for one of OCW’s greats….Bob Grenier
Hood: Yea, poor Bob. He seems lost
Smith: Indeed…this is a very talented roster and Bob has yet to find his place. No doubt that will happen sooner rather than later…he’s too talented
Hood: Fuck yea
~The cameras cut back stage where a masked vigilante dressed in red appears in front of what is very obviously a cheap green screen displaying swirling stars. The masked vigilante has the OCW Craze Championship over his shoulder and a red and white can in his other hand~
“Hello kids and fans throughout the OCW universe. I’m The Rocket Man. My good buddy Ed Houston let me borrow his Craze Championship to show you all what happens when you drink Rocket Fuel.”
~He takes a long dramatic pause~
“What is Rocket Fuel, you might ask? Only the brand new energy replacement drink brought to you by OCW’s own Ed Houston.”
~He turns to face another camera dramatically.~
“Kids, do you like shiny championships?”
~A cheesy laugh track plays a loud cheer~
“Do you like achieving you’re best?”
~Another cheesy cheer~
“If you want to be a winner like Ed Houston, you should drink Rocket Fuel.”
“Do you want to be old?”
~A loud boo now~
“Do you want to be boring.”
~Another even louder boo~
“DO you want to British?”
~A loud boo followed quickly by a USA! USA! USA chant. A picture of Mike Harrison is displayed across the bottom~
“That is Mike Harrison. He is all of these things and a known Rocket Fuel hater.”
~The Rocket Man shakes his head disapprovingly~
“At Mayhem at the Midway, Ed Houston is going to defeat Mike Harrison through the power of Rocket Fuel. Mike Harrison will crash and burn.”
~He holds up the bottle close to his face~
“And if you didn’t need another reason to go to Mayhem at the Midway, I will be holding a meet and greet and will be giving away free Rocket Fuel! I hope to see you all there!”
~He drops the bottle and steps to the side as the green screen shows a rocket taking off~
“Remember kids, stay young, don’t be boring, fly high, and drink Rocket Fuel.”
~The camera focuses on the rocket taking off, the loud lift-off all that is heard until abruptly the camera cuts to the announce team~
Smith: Interesting words from The Rocket Man
Hood: Ed's obviously too scared to show his face now that his opponent has been announced
Smith: You don't think that IS Ed?
Hood: No way, Ed's not allowed around rockets anymore! You should know that!
Smith: Right. Well, I'm told we have an unscheduled interview about to take place backstage!
Hood: Let me guess, self-promotional drivel from some asshole with a 1-2 record...
Smith: No, I'm told we're going LIVE to an OCW Hall of Famer, and uh, let's just say his name rhymes with Scott Syren!
Hood: Aww yeah motherfucker!
~ Backstage, Scott Syren holds a microphone and stares at the camera. He does not smile. He does not blink. ~
Syren: I have a very special treat for all of the OCW fans who have stuck with me. Those of you who still religiously watch my first championship matches on VHS tapes. Those of you who have tattoos of my large muscles on your much smaller muscles. Those of you who continue to say MY name when making love to your dumpy, hateful wives. I know you're out there, and I appreciate you. In so much as a god can appreciate a flea.
Hood: Did you hear that, Smith? A very special treat!
Syren: Tonight, for the first time in years... I will be unveiling a brand new finishing move!
Hood: Hell yeah!
Smith: Well, that's IF he and Curt Canon win tonight, and IF he's the one who gets the pinfall. Really only about a 1 in 4 chance...
~ Syren grimaces. ~
Syren: No. No IFs, Smith. You WILL see my new move tonight. In the ring, or in your face. One way or another.
Smith: GULP! Oh heck, he can hear me?
Hood: Ha ha, you're fucked.
Smith: Why does he hate me?
Hood: Why do you ask obvious questions?
Smith: Well at least we have a match before Syren is scheduled to come down here. Perhaps he'll forget about that horrid promise/threat
Hood: Doubtful
Smith: Woe is me...well folks, next up is a triple threat match between three of the strongest talents we've seen in years. OGDA, Michael O'Neil, and Andrea Hernandez will compete for a shot at the Paradigm Championship - and, potentially, Siobhan Townsend! Let's head down to ringside!
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OCW Paradigm #1 Contenders Match
Andrea Hernandez (1-1) vs. OGDA (1-0) vs. Michael O’Neil (0-1)
~The crowd is relatively calm. The people stand, attentively. Belvedere clears his throat…and the fans pop. It’s time for another match~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following contest is a Triple Threat match! The winner of this match will go on to Mayhem on the Midway to challenge for the OCW Paradigm Championship. Introducing first…
~"20/20" by Crown the Empire hits. The crowd gives a small reaction. Michael O’Neil emerges atop the stage, from behind the curtain. He hustles down the ramp and slides into the ring. He pops to his feet and acknowledges the crowd, who responds with a positive pop.~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Osaka, Japan…standing 6’1 and weighing in at 236lbs…Michael O’Neil!!!
~A rainbow shoots over the entrance way....~
"Most of the time I guess I am!"
~OGDA runs out from the back to a huge pop from every Shining Star in attendance!~
"But if there's trouble I'll be there
~The Rainbow Warriors are flooding the ramp area to the ring just to get close to OGDA!
"Look at me go!
~Highfives!
"Flying through the sky,
Fighting the bad guys,
There's no need to fear
Cuz I'll be here"
~The children are reunited with their parents!
"I'll be your superhero"
~Everyone! Sing along!~
Belvedere: Introducing next…From the hearts of every Shining Star in the world, from the Smiles of each and every single little buddy that has graced God's green earth…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 320ish lbs…Orgulloso Guardian Del Arcoiris!!!
~OGDA slides into the ring upon hearing his name. He stands tall and triumphant~
Smith: OGDA, in many people’s minds is the favorite heading into this one
Hood: Guy’s had one match…and it was against Puffer!
Smith: Yes, but what a match it was. Domination in its purest form. OGDA is going to be a star, Hood
Hood: You’re only saying that because you like masks…fucking weirdo
Belvedere: And, their opponent…
~“Ultranumb” by Blue Stahli hits the venue’s soundwaves. Andrea appears on the stage to some strong cheers from the crowd. She acknowledges the positive reaction that she's getting as she makes her way toward the ring, completely focused on the task at hand. She gets up to the ring apron and uses the top rope to slingshot herself into it, continuing to soak in the cheers she gets as she leans against the corner, confidently waiting for what comes next~
Belvedere: From Sedona, Arizona…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 125lbs…Andrea Hernandez!!!
~Belvedere exits the ring and the bell sounds~
Smith: And there she is! Andrea Hernandez has already taken OCW by storm. Sure, she came up short last week against the veteran Mike Harrison…but she was oh-so close to defeating a man many expect to rise to the top of OCW sooner rather than later
Hood: Yea she’s good…OGDA is good…what about O’Neil?
Smith: O’Neil is talented. But…is he focused?
Hood: Does he need glasses?
Smith: That’s not the kind of focus I’m referring to!
~Hernandez looks focused. She’s got her sights set on both O’Neil and OGDA. O’Neil seems a bit leery, probably due to being left out to dry by his tag partner a few weeks ago. OGDA, meanwhile, has a heroic aura about him. He heads over to O’Neil. He extends his hand for a pre-match handshake. O’Neil looks around, unsure of what to do~
Smith: A few weeks ago O’Neil was betrayed by Saxon Rowe. I’m sure he’s got scars from that horrid betrayal
Hood: Yea but Rowe had a beard. OGDA does not. You can’t trust bearded men
Smith: Sounds like you speak from experience
Hood: You have no idea
~O’Neil cautiously extends his hand and shakes OGDA’s! The crowd pops. OGDA shows no ill-intentions and shakes O’Neil’s hand aggressively. Mostly due to his huge muscles. O’Neil’s body moves around due to the shake. OGDA releases his hand and heads toward Andrea. O’Neil can be seen looking at his hand, working the knuckles. OGDA stands in front of Andrea and extends his hand~
Smith: One down and one to go!
Hood: Remind me to never shake hands with a muscle headed super hero in a mask
Smith: You could always wear gloves
Hood: Only serial killers like Dexter wear gloves in south Florida, you idiot
~Andrea, having witnessed the above board hand shake take place between O’Neil and OGDA has no problem reaching out and taking OGDA’s hand. They shake. OGDA, showing the signs of a gentleman, offers a far less firm handshake to Andrea. The handshake ends and OGDA turns around to head to his corner~
Smith: Well that was nice
Hood: Seemed kinda gay if you ask me
~Andrea suddenly runs forward and leaps onto OGDA’s back!! She applies a sleeper! The crowd cheers. OGDA staggers around, surprised. O’Neil turns forward and dropkicks OGDA in the left leg, removing his base. OGDA falls to his knees. Andrea tightens her hold. O’Neil returns to his feet and starts kicking OGDA in the chest and stomach repeatedly. Finally, the superhero falls front first onto the mat with Andrea on top, holding on to her sleeper~
Smith: OGDA was tricked!
Hood: Not really…they shook his fucking hand. The bell had already rang…all fair game
Smith: I don’t like it
Hood: Yea well they probably don’t like you
~Scruff notices that OGDA may be out. He grabs the giant man’s arm and lifts it up. He drops it to the mat. The crowd yells out ‘ONE!’. Scruff grabs his other arm. He lifts it up and it falls to the ground. The crowd yells out ‘TWO!’~
Smith: If his arm hits once more this match is over!
Hood: So what’s O’Neil doing just standing there…Andrea would get the win, wouldn’t she?
Smith: I believe so
~Scruff lifts OGDA’s arm a third time. O’Neil, as though he’d been listening in on commentary, realizes what’s going on. He lunges forward with a knee into Andrea’s face. He connects! Right as he connects, Scruff drops OGDA’s arm for a third time…but it doesn’t hit the mat!! It shakes. His body shakes. Andrea is no longer on her back. She’s laid out on the ring due to the knee to the face. O’Neil returns to his feet and spots OGDA standing, full of fight~
Smith: He’s alive!
Hood: And O’Neil appears to be fucked
Smith: It has not been a good month for Michael O’Neil…but that could all change this evening!
Hood: I don’t think so, Smith
~OGDA charges at O’Neil. Michael ducks a lariat attempt. OGDA rushes into a corner but stops before making contract. O’Neil charges in and leaps onto OGDA’s back looking for a backstabber. OGDA reaches up and grabs O’Neil by the head. He yanks forward, flipping O’Neil over, onto the top buckle. O’Neil lands roughly…he leans forward, wincing in pain, sitting atop the corner. OGDA leaps into the air and dropkicks O’Neil off the top buckle all the way to the floor! O’Neil’s body crashes into the apron before ricocheting off and landing on the outside~
Smith: What tremendous athleticism shown by OGDA! My goodness!
Hood: Guy is strong and athletic…too bad he wears a mask
Smith: We’ve had masked champions before
Hood: Who? That goofball Canon when he wore a mask and called himself DareDevil?
Smith: Don’t forget about Pryde!
Hood: Oh, yea, him…he let Zybala win Survivor so everything he accomplished has been rendered meaningless
~OGDA turns and heads for Hernandez, who is still on the mat. He bends over, grabbing Andrea by the hair…she surprises OGDA with a small package! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
KICK OUT
Smith: Massive kickout by OGDA!
Hood: Damn…he almost threw her out of the ring just by kicking out
~Hernandez is in the ropes…OGDA’s kickout threw her there. She gets to her feet and turns, facing the ring. OGDA is back on his feet. Andrea sprints at OGDA…she slides under his legs and pops back to her feet. OGDA turns around and eats a roundhouse kick! He staggers against the ropes. Andrea charges forward and leaps in the air with a crossbody! The move sends both competitors over the top rope crashing to the outside~
Smith: My goodness! Andrea Hernandez throwing caution into the wind…putting her body on the line to try and defeat OGDA
Hood: He’s twice her size so…does that mean she needs to exert twice the effort?
Smith: I’m no math major, Hood
Hood: You’re not wrong there
Smith: But I was fairly adept at Geometry
Hood: Ah, the bastard language of arithmetic
~Hernandez used OGDA’s body to cushion her fall. She gets to her feet, backing up against the barricade, holding her abdomen. OGDA is on his back. His chest heaves as his lungs fill with air. O’Neil is on the apron, shaking his head. He’s standing near the corner…the corner is in between his position and his two opponents. He starts to climb. Andrea is focused solely on OGDA. She grabs him by the base of his mask and yanks him to his feet. O’Neil is on the top rope with his back to his two opponents. The crowd rises. Andrea finally pays attention to what the crowd is reacting toward. She sees O’Neil’s back. He leaps off with a moonsault!! Andrea and OGDA look up, both standing. O’Neil lands on top of both of them! They crash land hard! O’Neil manages to land on his feet! He hops around, somewhat gingerly before motioning toward the crowd, which is going wild~
Smith: What a move! Michael O’Neil is in this, Hood!
Hood: Fuck…I thought the dude was a corpse
Smith: Like Lazarus rising from the dead…Michael O’Neil has just emerged as a serious contender to challenge for the Paradigm Championship!
~Unscathed, O’Neil looks to capitalize on the opportunity he’s provided himself. He looks at both OGDA and Hernandez. Both are down. He quickly reaches for Andrea, grabbing her by the hair and tossing her into the ring. She rolls in under the bottom rope. She winds up on her back. O’Neil leaps over the top rope and drops a leg across Andrea’s throat, keeping her down. He pops back to his feet~
Smith: I think he made the choice we all would have – no offense to Andrea
Hood: Swole super hero or woman with a south of the border surname
Smith: Indeed…no offense to Andrea!
Hood: She’s knocked out…she won’t be taking any offense. Plus I don’t think we have SAP or whatever for this broadcast so she won’t have any clue what we’re saying
Smith: She speaks English you idiot
~O’Neil waits, ready to pounce. Andrea slowly gets to her feet. She does, turns around and EATS a Yakuza Kick from O’Neil!! Andrea hits the mat, hard! O’Neil remains on his feet, fired up! The crowd is starting to get behind him. He grabs Andrea by the arm and pulls her to her feet~
Smith: He’s got Andrea set up for the Penance Driver!
Hood: How do you know that? O’Neil has wrestled one match and all I can remember is that the guy with the beard walked out on him
Smith: Because I study their bios, Hood
Hood: Nerd
~O’Neil hoists Andrea up in the reverse crucifix position. He tosses her forward and drops her with the Penance Driver (Quackendriver IV)! He drills her head right into the mat! On his ass…he grabs her leg before it can fall to the mat, securing it for a pin. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
NO!!!
Smith: OGDA!
Hood: The superhero has risen!
~Before Scruff could hit the three OGDA performed a springboard off the top rope into an elbow across the chest of O’Neil! An “OGDA” chant gets going…it’s a very odd chant. But the crowd is really into this masked hero. He pops to his feet, fired up. Both Andrea and O’Neil are down~
Smith: My goodness…the athleticism this man possesses…the sky is the limit!
Hood: So you’re saying only Ed can defeat him
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Well Ed WAS an astronaut so he can, theoretically go beyond the sky…or has, anyway
Smith: Stop
~OGDA backs into a corner. O’Neil is returning to his feet. Andrea rolls toward the ropes, out of the way. O’Neil stands, dazed. OGDA closes his fist and puts it to his head. He yells “NARWHAL!” He charges and knocks O’Neil over! O’Neil gets back to his feet…OGDA turns around and knocks him over again. This happens again and again and again until O’Neil stays down! The crowd yells out “NARWHAL!” alongside OGDA! He finally lowers his fist and bends over at the waist, eyeing O’Neil~
Smith: Innovative offense
Hood: The fuck is a Warhol
Smith: Narwhal
Hood: Oh so like that artist from the sixties
Smith: No, that was Warhol
Hood: Fuck it, I’m confused
~O’Neil is slow and wobbly. But, he gets to his feet. OGDA takes off, sprinting at O’Neil, looking for a spear. Out of nowhere he’s blindsided by a flying KNEE to the side of the head by Andrea Hernandez!! OGDA staggers to the side, falling through the ropes, onto the apron! The crowd pops for this move as well! Andrea is back on her feet, panicky. She’s got the superhero down and O’Neil on DREAM STREET. The crowd is urging her on~
Smith: Yes! Andrea has a shot! O’Neil is in serious trouble!
Hood: Well I can see who YOUR favorite is
Smith: I admire all three competitors…I can’t help it if I get caught up in the action
Hood: You must make a gigantic mess every time you watch whatever it is you call porn
Smith: I have too much self-respect to comment on that
~O’Neil, still on his feet and dazed seems primed for an offensive maneuver. Andrea runs into the ropes…she springboards off and goes for her springboard tornado DDT. O’Neil, however, keeps Andrea from flipping him over and, instead, tosses her into the air and drops her with a Codebreaker!!! Andrea falls into the ropes…they keep her upright, barely~
Smith: What a reversal! I have no idea who’s going to win this match
Hood: I don’t think anyone does…maybe the champ
Smith: Doubtful
~O’Neil spins around and decks Andrea with a ROARING elbow. He drags her into the ring and hoists her up once again in the inverted crucifix position. The crowd rises. He tosses her in the air, looking for a second Penance Driver. OGDA flies into view with a SPEAR! He spears the SHIT out of O’Neil! O’Neil goes flying. Andrea, still in the air…falling head first toward the mat, grabs onto OGDA’s back…she rolls him backward with the wildest fucking sunset flip you’ve ever seen. Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings! The crowd goes wild! OGDA kicks out right after three! Andrea rolls out of the ring instantly. Shock is on her face as she falls to her knees on the outside. O’Neil is on the apron, holding his abdomen in pain. OGDA is on his feet, walking around, trying to get clarification on what just happened~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…and the #1 Contender to the OCW Paradigm Championship….ANDREA HERNANDEZ!!!!!
Smith: What a move! She pulled one out of her hat there!
Hood: Geezus…I can’t believe she won that fucking thing
Smith: Neither can OGDA. He’s stunned. He had the match in the bag after that spear
Hood: No shit
~OGDA finally realizes what’s taken place. He heads into a corner and leans over the top buckle, shaking his head. O’Neil rolls off the apron to the outside, still holding his midsection in extreme pain. Andrea struggles to her feet with her hands in the air, elated~
Smith: If you’re just tuning in you’d probably think OGDA won based on how these three look…but that’s not the case. Andrea Hernandez with a very heads up pinfall that stunned OGDA long enough to keep him down for three seconds
Hood: Yea…fucking O’Neil looked awesome as well. All three…holy shit, what a match
Smith: Indeed…I believe if you ran this match 11 more times you’d come up with a tally of four wins each. They are…were, that even.
Hood: Yep but only one can go to Mayhem on the Midway
Smith: And that will be Andrea…a nice bit of soothing balm over the sore from last week’s narrow loss to Mike Harrison.
I have just the thing to wear
I'm a superhero"
It's mayhem!
It's Madness!
Sally is sad cuz she didn't get a hug!~
I'm a superhero
Look at me go"
Hugs!
Lowfives!
Selfies!
All of this going on as OCW's Superhero makes his way to the ring....~
Everyone is happy!
Sally got a hug!
There is so much happiness as the OGDA rolls into the ring and climbs the nearest set of turnbuckles!~
~The cameras cut backstage, as we see Amelia Emery standing in front of a locker room door that has Slappy McGoo’s name on it. She knocks on it.~
Amelia Emery: Hey Slappy, you ready buddy?
~She leans close, as she can hear someone talking inside. She opens the door to find Slappy McGoo sitting in the corner on the floor playing pretend with gummy bears on a chair. She quietly sneaks up behind him chuckling lightly to herself as the behemoth of a man plays on.~
Slappy McGoo: And he’ll be all GOOSH! GOOSH! AHHHHH! THE GUMMY BEAR MAFIA WINS! THE GUMMY BEAR MAFIA WINS THE TITLES!
~Slappy makes the green gummy bear dance around before eating it and pulling out a clear gummy bear.~
Slappy McGoo: OH NO! Tragedy has struck! The Green Grappler has been struck down in his prime and his brother the Clear Crippler has come seeking revenge!
Amelia Emery: Uh...Slap?
~Slappy absolutely jumps out of his skin shrieking like a little frightened schoolgirl.~
Slappy McGoo: I WEREN’T DOIN’ NOTHIN’!
Amelia Emery: It’s um...it’s time, buddy. Let’s go!
~Slappy grabs another handful of gummy bears popping them in his mouth as they set off for gorilla.~
Slappy McGoo: H-Hey Amelia?
Amelia Emery: Yeah buddy?
Slappy McGoo: You um...ya won’t tell nobody ‘bout that, will ya?
Amelia Emery: Your secret is safe with me, sweetie….though, not sure about...y’know…
~Amelia nods her head towards the cameraman. Slappy’s blood runs cold.~
Slappy McGoo: ...tell me you didn’t film that...sir…
Cameraman: I uh...I don’t know what to tell ya, bud. We were live.
~Slappy’s forehead suddenly furrows.~
Slappy McGoo: Ya mean ta tell me...you come into MY locker room...DURING ME TIME...AND EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT O’ THE WHOLE WORLD!?
Amelia Emery: I uh...umm….my bad? I knocked...I was gonna come tell you what I heard our opponents say...it’s...well...you won’t like it.
Slappy McGoo: ...wut.
Amelia Emery: I heard that...they don’t...like...gummy bears. They think they’re only for children and are lackluster chewable treats.
Slappy McGoo: ...WHAT? BUT...THE GUMMY BEAR IS A CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT OF HANDHELD NOURISHMENT!!!
~Slappy’s demeanor is suddenly starting to turn very energetic and almost sinister.~
Amelia Emery: Completely agree! They were the ones that were all like “gummy bears have no nutritional value blah blah blah they taste bad blah blah”
Slappy McGoo: WHA- BUT...HOW!? WHAT THE HECK EVEN!?
Amelia Emery: I know, right!? We so need to show them that the Gummy Bear Mafia aren’t ones to be messed with.
Slappy McGoo: RIGHT!!!
Amelia Emery: Ooo we should get shirts made...oooo and get fedoras to wear to the ring!
Slappy McGoo: One thing at a time, gal! I gotta learn Curt Canon and Scott Syren a lesson about choosin’ their words more carefully!
Amelia Emery: Yeahhhhhh…’specially after what they said about you and Jami and Maggie…
~Slappy absolutely slams on the brakes, all happiness is gone from his eyes as he turns slowly towards Amelia.~
Slappy McGoo: They what now?
~Amelia takes a gulp and lets out a sigh as she looks at Slappy.~
Amelia Emery: Theyyyyy said….well….more so asked how in the world you managed to catch a beauty like Jami, and even know how to procreate and have Maggie….
~Slappy suddenly slowly cracks his neck...now absolutely seething.~
Slappy McGoo: They mentioned MY girls?
Amelia Emery: I mean...yeah Jami IS a ten...if it wasn’t for me being with Trina, and you and Maggie...hell I might have even given her a shout.
~Slappy rears back and punches his entire arm through the wall pulling it out and flexing his hand absolutely snarling.~
Slappy McGoo: They mention MY girls...they lose their lives.
~Slappy storms into gorilla with the intent to kill, as he leaves Amelia standing in shock and wide-eyed.~
Amelia Emery: Note to self...mayyyyy have taken it a bit too far….gonna suck for Syren and Canon.
~She walks past the camera and into gorilla, as we cut to ringside.~
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Margarita Mix Semi-Final
Curt Canon (12-4) & Scott Syren (3-0) vs. Amelia Emery (2-0) & Slappy McGoo (1-0)
~The lights suddenly switch to MARGARITA MIX colors! The trophy appears atop the stage! The fans go wild! A “MIX!” chant fires up. Belvedere is in the ring, with the mic. He clears his throat~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the first of two semi-final Margarita Mix matches! This is a tag team contest…the winning team will move into the finals of the Margarita Mix which will take place on Monday, September 10th at Mayhem on the Midway! Introducing first…
~"This Will Be The Day" by Jeff Williams feat. Casey Lee Williams begins to play! The fans stand and turn, cheering the archetypal duo of Amelia Emery and Slappy McGoo! Amelia emerges first with Slappy close behind. She tries to pose but Slappy heads straight for the ring, ready for combat. Amelia shrugs and hustles down the ramp, following the big guy’s lead. She slides into the ring while Slappy steps over the top rope. Slappy stalks the ring, waiting for their opponents while Amelia climbs the nearest corner and poses for the fans~
Belvedere: At a total combined weight of 475lbs…the team of Amelia Emery and Slappy McGoo…ladies and gentlemen, I present to you….GUMMY BEAR MAFIA!!!
~The crowd starts a “GUMMY BEAR” chant. The chant seems to ease Slappy. It sends him back into his more jovial, child like demeanor~
Smith: This crowd is apparently gummy bear fans
Hood: I mean, who isn’t? I bet even BEARS eat Gummy Bears
Smith: That’s an interesting psychological theory
Hood: Yea, it would be…if the subject weren’t BEARS
Smith: Whatever
Belvedere: And, their opponents
~Women in the crowd scream with orgasmic delight. Men reach into their pants. Not ALL the men, but some of the men. Why? We don’t ask. The lights go off. A spotlight shines upon the top of the ramp~
Smith: Oh please
Hood: Shhh! Something really unique and special is about to set fire upon my loins
Smith: Gross
~”Memo” by Young Thug blares throughout the arena! The crowd is nonplussed…this isn’t a theme they are used to. The sound of a loud BULL is heard. The curtains part. Two men, on all fours, poorly disguised as bulls are pulling a chariot. Standing in the chariot are OCW Hall of Famers Scott Syren and Curt Canon. Both men are vaping for some reason. The ‘bulls’ have a hard time pulling the chariot DOWN the ramp. Are they Scoot Time? Wait, no, he’s dead. Whatever the case, they aren’t far off from OCW’s most infamous jobber. Eventually they reach the bottom of the ramp. Canon hops off the chariot and does some kind of rap dance walk to the ring. Syren raises an eyebrow at Canon – as everyone else in the arena MINUS Checkers is doing at the moment. Syren exits the chariot and tosses his vape device into the crowd~
Smith: Looking for relevance? Curt Canon participated in a rodeo clown match involving bulls over four years ago. There you go
Hood: Meanwhile Syren is SAVING LIVES…what a man
Smith: How so?
Hood: He tossed that vape device into the crowd in the hopes that a man stricken with tobacco addiction would pick it up and change his life
Smith: Interesting how two people watching the same thing came away with totally different view points
Hood: I’m blue, you’re red
Smith: Not going there.
Belvedere: And their opponents…at a total combined weight of…better than you. Please welcome OCW Hall of Famers Curt Canon and Scott Syren! Ladies and gentlemen…I give you the team known as………Curt Canon and Scott Syren!
~The crowd goes wild. They don’t give a shit. It’s Canon and Syren! Belvedere exits the ring. The two men dressed as bulls turn around and start to walk back up the ramp. Syren yells~
Scott Syren: HEY!
~They quickly cower down to their hands and knees and resume acting like bulls, pulling the chariot up the ramp and into the back. Syren nods with approval. Scruff motions for the bell~
*DING DING DING*
~Curt Canon and Amelia Emery start things off, the coming at each other for a tight collar elbow tie up. Curt's superior mass manages to edge out Amelia's two extra inches of height and leverage as he starts to drive her back. He quickly pulls her into a sideheadlock and goes right into a release Judo Hiptoss. Amelia surprises him by rolling with the toss, gets back to her feet in seconds. She hops onto the second rope, gets to the top rope, and vaults off with a liquid smooth hangtime springboard moonsault, defying gravity just long enough for Curt to get up, face her and take the full brunt of her body colliding with his. On impact, she drives him to the canvas and front rolls to her feet, offering up a little bow for the crowd.
Immediately Scott Syren distracts her with his loud, barking tone~
Syren: TRY THAT ON ME BITCH! I'LL SHOW YOU WHY THEY CALL ME THE BIG SYREN DADDAY!!!!
Amelia: *Shouting back* YOU WISH YOU COULD CATCH ME, OLD MAN!
~As the two jack jaws Curt Canon gets to his feet and rushes in behind Amelia, catching her with a surprise Zig Zag drop and promptly going for a quick pin~
ONE!
TW-KICKOUT!!!
Smith: Canon nearly ended the Cinderella run of Amelia and Slappy!
Hood: Cinderella run? They’ve won one match!
Smith: And what a win it was
~With Slappy McGoo halfway through the ropes, Amelia throws a shoulder up. As the big man resumes his spot, both parties roll back to their feet and at a distance, only to rapidly close the gap with another lock up. This time Amelia pulls Curt into a tight side headlock. Amelia is immediately driven back into the ropes where Curt frees himself and shoots her off across the ring in a mad sprint. He backs into the ropes just as she snaps off for a rebound and comes at her full speed with a flying knee. Amelia ducks the knee with another tuck and roll tumble right back to her feet, squatted low and primed for the attack. Curt lands, turns and gets a hard snap kick to the gut, followed by a leap and sunset flip Butterfly Bomb pin attempt. Curt back rolls out of the pinfall and hits a low orbit dropkick straight to Amelia's face! Curt Canon then follows that by hopping off to the side of the stunned Amelia and hitting a standing shooting star press and pin!~
ONE!
TWO-KICKOUT!!!
Smith: Canon looking strong
Hood: Or is Amelia looking weak?
Smith: She’s struggling…but she’ll rebound
~Amelia throws the shoulder up and as Curt rises from her, she pulls him right into a small package possum pin! Curt wildly thrashes in the pin attempt!!!~
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
TTTHRR-KICKOUT!!
Smith: I told you!
Hood: That sneaky bitch!
Smith: Easy! Lukas and Slappy and definitely Josie would whip you for a remark like that
Hood: I’ll take the whipping from Josie. But not the other two
~With a near three count, Curt explodes out of the pinfall and rolls with a flying leap to tag in Scott Syren! Amelia gets to her feet shaking her head only to be immediately bowled over with an explosive running clothesline from, arguably, one of the largest arms in the world!~
Smith: Dear me…from an aesthetic point of view this looks to have devastating potential
Hood: In other words…Syren is going to SQUASH little miss butterfly back into the cocoon
~Scott laughs maniacally, then flips off Slappy McGoo to get a reaction. The Big Man starts to go through the ropes and is stopped by the Referee. While McGoo and the Ref argue, Scott rushes the nearby corner and rips off the turnbuckle pad cover. Immediately Curt begins shouting at him.~
Canon: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Syren: WINNIN' BOY!!!!
~He gathers up the still stunned Amelia, slips her on his shoulder, and runs her towards that exposed turnbuckle bolt with Oklahoma style Slam spine first. She cries out in pain as he drapes her by the legs in a tree of woe and proceeds to kick, stomp, and choke her right then and there. He keeps looking over his shoulder, taunting McGoo the entire time with his foot pressed against Amelia's neck at such a brutal angle, now choking her out the entire time. McGoo keeps trying to get in the ring, biting down on the bate of the angriest, most insulting man in professional wrestling today, allowing him to take more and more liberties with the ref's attention focused solely on keeping Slappy in his corner, rather than the participants in the ring.~
Syren: COME ON SLAPPY! I'LL SLAP THA' NUTS OUTTA' YOUR MOUTH AND MAKE YA' RUN HOME CRYIN' TA' MAMA!!!!
~McGoo roars and tries the referee once more and a standing five count FINALLY makes him see reason. Just before the Referee turns, Scott gives Amelia a hard chest stomp with enough force that it frees her legs from the turnbuckle and has her falling into an upended heap in the corner. He throws his arms up in the air and shouts to the crowd.~
Syren: THEY CAN'T BEAT ME!!!!
~While Amelia lays there, coughing and sputtering, clutching at her throat, Syren casually strolls halfway across the ring, jacking jaws once more with Slappy McGoo.~
McGoo: YOU DON'T DO THAT!!!
~Syren flexes his arms and kisses his left and right bicep, then laughs at Slappy, waving him off.~
Syren: I DO WHAT I WANT, FAT ASS!!! WHY DON'T YOU BRING YOUR FAAAAT ASS INTO THIS RING AND TRY YOUR LUCK, BOY?! BRING IT ON!!!
~Slappy starts to go through the ropes again and Syren backs off as the referee moves in to, once more, keep Slappy back. Syren moves in on the recovering Amelia and quickly presses his boot against the back of her neck while gripping the ropes, applying his full body weight in an effort to try and potentially break her neck! All while he continues to taunt Slappy McGoo the entire time.~
Syren: COME ON FAT ASS!!! SAVE YOUR F**K BUDDY FROM THE BIG SYREN DADDAY!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAH!!!
~Amelia kicks her legs, struggling against the weight and leverage of Scott Syren threatening to break her neck. She lets out a choked scream of pain that finally gets the referee's attention. Immediately the Ref crosses the ring and backs Scotty up, pointing his finger in his face and down at Amelia. Scott throws his hands up and starts to check on Amelia. As the Ref's back is turned, Slappy rushes across the ring and Scotty immediately back pedals quickly, blind tagging in Curt Canon and dropping out of the ring!~
Curt: WAIT! WHAT?!
Slappy: OOORRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Curt: O.O*
~Immediately Curt Canon is caught by the neck by Slappy, heaved up and over the ropes, and HURLED bodily into the ring! Meanwhile, as the crowd boos in uproar, Scott Syren puts as much real estate between him and Slappy, the big man roaring at him over the ropes to get back in the ring! The Referee clearly has his hands full, having to force Slappy back into his corner. Once again, Scott Syren uses the distraction, just as Amelia gets to her feet using the ropes, Scott reaches through the ropes around the corner post, grabs her ankles and pulls her off her feet! He then yanks her groin first into the ring post as hard as he can, getting a sharp cry of pain from Amelia!~
Syren: LIKE THAT POLE BETWEEN YOUR LEGS GIRLY?! MINE'S BIGGER!!!
~He then presses his foot against the pole and pulls on her with a wish bone split. What he doesn't see coming is Slappy McGoo hopping off the apron and running at him. So focused on tormenting Amelia as much as he possibly could, he only notices the boot coming at his face one second too late, turning his head in time to catch a running TWITTER KICK straight to his face with the crowd cheering loudly and proudly! The force of the blow sends Syren into a side roll straight into the guard rail, completely stunned! Slappy raises his arms and flexes them~
Slappy: RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! YOU'RE TURN TO GET BIG DICKED LITTLE MAN!!!
~As Slappy proceeds to brutally stomp and kick at Scott Syren outside the ring, Amelia gets to her feet, clutching at her groin briefly with a grimace of pain on her face. She sees Curt Canon getting to his feet on the ropes and rushes right at him, throwing both feet forward and drilling him between the middle and top ropes with enough force to send him flying outside towards the announce tables! ~
Smith: Great move by Amelia! Canon went flying!
Hood: Yea and now he’s out here by us…GREAT
Smith: We’ll be fine
~On the otherside, Slappy presses Scott Syren up over his head, walks him over to the ring steps, walks up the ring steps and onto the apron. From there he LAUNCHES Scott through the air! Scott lands on the ring barricade sternum first and bounces off onto the arena floor, kicking his legs and clutching at his chest.~
Slappy: OOOOORRRRAAAAAHHHH!!!
~Slappy then goes AIRBORN! Scott's eyes go wide as he's crushed under the massive body of Slappy McGoo!!!~
Smith: Oh my!!! Slappy with tremendous athleticism!
Hood: Oh come on…nobody does Scott like that! Get up Syren and show him who’s boss!
Smith: Could Syren be…dare I say…over the hill?
Hood: If he hears you say that he’ll punch you over the hill with his giant muscles
~As Curt gets to his feet, Amelia grips the top rope and slingshots up and over with a flying Hurricanrana, whipping Curt off his feet and onto the announce table. All parties immediately getting out of the way!~
Smith: Look out!
Hood: I TOLD YOU WE WEREN’T SAFE
~Meanwhile Slappy goes for an Irish whip to the ringsteps only for Scott Syren to reverse it, sending him careening over the ring steps knees first and falling into a heap on the otherside!~
Smith: Ouch!
Hood: Those steps have taken a beating. First Grenier and now Slappy
Smith: Indeed!
~Amelia moves all the equipment off the table, then climbs onto it, pulling Curt up and setting him up for a Piledriver, only for Curt to grip her legs, lift her up and fall back! With a loud cry and a crackling crunch of wood beneath their bodies, the two go through the table together in explosive fashion! Splinters flying everywhere!~
Smith: Our table!
Hood: Relax…we’ll have a new one next week. I just hate having to stand
Smith: At least our mics still work!
~Meanwhile, as the Ref is watching the two legal competitors outside the ring, slow counting all the way, Scott dislodges the ring steps, raises them up over his head and brings them crashing down on the back of a slow rising Slappy with a loud *KERTHONGKT!!!* that drives him down onto all fours. Scott Syren then mounts the big man and locks on a Camel Clutch!~
Syren: I'LL MAKE YA' HUMBLE BOY!!!!! RRAAH!!! RRRAAAHHH!!! WHERE'S YOUR ROARIN' AT NOW, LIL' MONKEY DICKED BITCH?! HUH?! HUH?! HHHHUUUUHHH???!!!
~This seems to have an opposite effect than Scotty desired as McGoo's superior strength becomes apparent. Using nothing but leg strength, he lifts his upper body off the floor, getting to one knee, then the other. Syren's eyes go wide as it only dons on him far too late what was about to happen. McGood rises to his feet, Syren releasing the chin lock in panic and flailing his massive muscled arms around before McGoo reaches over his shoulders to take him by the head to hold Syren steady. McGoo then HURLS himself back and smashes Syren, sandwiching the Genetic freak between a living rock and the hard place that is the unforgiving floor!~
Syren: FFFFFUUUUUUUWWWWWAAAAHHHHHKKKK!!!!
~At that moment, Curt Canon slips into the ring as the referee hits a loud SSSEEVVVEEEENNN on the ten count. Slappy hears it and gets to his feet, running to the table wreckage where Amelia is just getting herself back together. He gathers her up and quickly slings her over the apron and back into the ring. Curt sees this and moves in, only to stop as Slappy steps onto the apron, DARING him to be anything less than gentlemanly.~
Smith: Curt thinking twice
Hood: Which sucks because that’s about as much as his brain can handle
Smith: He’s smarter than you think!
Hood: I doubt it
~Curt wisely backs away as Slappy moves to his place in the corner. Meanwhile, Amelia takes full advantage of this, bolting straight for Curt with a double fist strike to his gut and doubling him over. She grips his wrist, spins around to pull him into a hard whip, but doesn't release. Instead, she pulls him back for the sake of pure discombobulation. Curt finds himself bent backwards in an inverted facelock. Amelia lifts her leg up, places it across his throat and drops with a Sunset split pin she calls THE END OF NIGHT!!!~
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
TTTHHHRRR-KICKOUT!!!!
Smith: Curt barely kicked out! My gosh what an upset that would have been!
Hood: Shit! Syren, quit fucking around and get in there!
Smith: The return of Scott Syren is in jeopardy and Hood is FREAKING out
~Curt barely throws a shoulder up, breaking the provocative pinfall. Amelia side rolls to her feet. At that time, Scott Syren gets to his feet in his corner. Amelia promptly walks to her corner while Curt is recovering and tags in SLAPPY MCGOO!!!~
Smith: Annnd things just went from bad to worse for Curt Canon
Hood: Son of a WHORE
Smith: We apologize to all sons and mothers watching
Hood: What about the ones not watching?
Smith: We apologize to them as well
~Slappy bursts across the ring with a forearm strike to Scott Syren, sending him bounding off the apron to the floor. Curt Canon gets to his feet just in time to be scooped up off his feet and brutally Thrust Spine Bustered right into the canvas with enough force that he actually bounces on impact and rolls out of the ring! Slappy gets to his feet with a big grin and throws his arms up in the air, roaring to the crowd!~
Slappy: OOOORRRRAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
~He backs up into the ropes and just as he's about to run to the otherside of the ring, Scott Syren catches him by one foot, holding him in place. The big man looks over the ropes and dips forward to grab Scott. Scott, instead, grabs his wrist, jumps up and yanks him across the top rope, nearly tearing the shoulder out of it's socket while painfully stretching those bicep muscles and bouncing those sensitive upper ribs off the high tension cable. Slappy winces, gripping at his side while wringing his arm.~
Amelia: *From her corner shouting* SLAPPY LOOK OUT!!!
~Slappy turns just in time to see a recovered Curt Canon slingshot himself onto the top rope and fly off with a high spinning RED ARROW SPLASH, actually knocking the momentarily unbalanced big man off his feet and to the canvas. Curt hooks the leg for the pin!~
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
TTTHHHHRRRE-KICKOUT!!!
Smith: Wow! Slappy with the last second kick out!
Hood: Fuck! So much for that David and Goliath shit
Smith: Curt’s been slaying men bigger than him his entire career. He’s OCW’s David whether they win here tonight or not
Hood: More like OCW’s David Schwimmer if they lose tonight
Smith: Hey! I LOVE Ross!
~Slappy powers out, THROWING Curt Canon off and sitting up, glaring holes at Scott Syren, who continues to tempt fate by flipping McGoo off outside the ring and shouting at him.~
Syren: YOU'RE NOTHING PUNK!! I DON'T CARE HOW BIG YA' ARE! I'M STILL STANDIN' BOY!!!!
~Slappy gets to his feet and starts for those ropes, Syren backing up wisely. Curt Canon takes advantage by moving in from behind with several high speed kicks to the left knee of Slappy, trying to chop the tree down. Slappy turns to face him, a sixth sharp kick finally buckling, dropping the big man down on that very same knee in painful fashion!~
Smith: Those legs were built to withstand only so much
Hood: Finally…Curt is thinking…which is as encouraging as it is scary
Smith: How are you a fan of this man?
Hood: I usually am not…but he’s teaming with Syren. So…YOLO…is that how the kids use it?
Smith: I wouldn’t knowknow
Hood: You’re so fuckin lame
~Curt backs into the ropes and rushes in for a running attack of some sort that never sees fruition as McGoo catches him with a massive palm to the chest, hoists him up, and VIOLENTLY slams him to the canvas with a pancake toss!~
Smith: Well, there goes that
Hood: Fuckin giant simple minded mother fucker
Smith: Easy, Hood…easy
~Slappy gets back up, only to get checked in the back with a hard forearm from Scott Syren as the man leaped onto the apron behind him. McGoo turns with his hand ready to deliver a Bitch Slap! but instead Syren catches him by the head and drops down, snapping his neck across the rope. McGoo staggers back and falls to a seat in the middle of the ring, choking and clutching at his throat.~
Smith: And Syren is back!
Hood: Praise Marcus Welsh
Smith: Blasphemy
Hood: Sorry, I just got a little excited
~A warning from the ref has Syren finally reclaiming his spot in his team's corner. Curt Canon crawls over to the corner while Slappy recovers and tags in Scott Syren. Just as Slappy gets to his feet and is about to tag in a fresh Amelia, Syren rushes in from behind with a fast and dirty snap German Suplex, hurling Slappy away. Immediately Scott gets to his feet and flexes for Amelia.~
Syren: ADMIT IT! I TURN YOU ON BABY!
~She spits on his chest and in a sickening display, he dips his finger in her spit and licks it, then makes a V and a tongue flick through it. His mad cackling is interrupted as he's caught from behind in a rear waistlock and practically sent sailing across the ring like a rag doll with Slappy's take on the German Suplex! Syren lands on his stomach with a loud *KERWHOMP!* bouncing on impact to his feet, only to fall right back to the canvas with a croaking cough. Slappy smiles and high-five tags in Amelia Emery....~
Smith: If Syren would spend a little more time wrestling and a little less time seducing Amelia…that might not have happened
Hood: Amelia wants him…you see her try to kiss him? Too bad she botched the kiss and spat everywhere
Smith: I don’t think Syren is her type
Hood: What? Is she blind?
Smith: I’m just saying, do your research
~As Syren gets up, holding his head, Amelia moves in from behind, leaps up, and catches him with a falling double knee back snapper that leads into a modified version of her submission move she calls the CHESHIRE SMIRK! Scott holds out, the pain keeping him in place and just as it seems he's going to tap out, Curt Canon's arms collide with her back with a diving double axe handle! Scott rolls away, clutching at his chin. Curt lifts Amelia up, only to be caught with a hard knee to the gut followed by a jumping knee to his face that hung him up in the ropes! Amelia then moves over to the nearest corner....~
Smith: Anything can happen at this point…both teams are near exhaustion!
Hood: Look at Amelia playing hard to get with Syren. It’s alright, girl…just lay back and let it happen
Smith: GROSS
~Curt drags his body into his corner and onto the apron. He stands and fights through the pain. He stomps his feet and urges Syren to tag him. The legend does a push up…amazing considering all he’s been through. WHAT A MAN. Syren gets to his feet and he tags Curt in. Amelia is about to tag Slappy. Curt stumbles through the ropes and charges at her from behind. Slappy’s eyes widen. He steps through the ropes before he can be tagged to save Amelia~
Smith: I don’t think Canon wants to run into Slappy
Hood: Yea that’s not going to end well for the undefeated Rodeo Clown Match Wrestler
Smith: Why do you bring that stuff up? I’m always trying to block it out of my mind
Hood: Because it’s a cherished part of our history that mustn’t be forgotten
Smith: Mustn’t, huh?
Hood: Mustn’t
~Canon sees Slappy coming at him, but it’s too late! Slappy turns Canon inside out with a lariat!! Canon this the mat and rolls out of the ring, in pain. Amelia tries to get Slappy to stand on the apron. Slappy, though, points at Canon who is on the outside…on his back. Amelia sees what Slappy is pointing at and nods. Slappy drops to one knee and Amelia climbs onto his shoulders in a standing position~
Smith: What is this?!
Hood: Slappy doing what he can for the Me Too movement
Smith: Stop it
Hood: Ya know, for every ‘great’ woman there is a competent, rational man carrying them on their shoulders
Smith: I WILL CUT YOUR MIC OFF RIGHT NOW
~They reach the side of the ropes nearest Canon. Amelia stands upright, atop Slappy’s shoulders. She leaps off with the British Butterfly! It’s perfect! It’s flawless! A truly graceful moment. She comes crashing down on top of Canon!!! It’s a sickening thud followed by a loud crash as her legs hit the bottom of the steel ramp! She screams and reaches for her left knee. Slappy, concerned, moves toward the ropes~
Smith: Oh no! I think she might have injured her knee!
Hood: Figures
Smith: Who does that figure?
Hood: She should have realized that the power of a man teaming with Scott Syren would be too much for her frail, British body to overcome
Smith: Well…at least you know she’s British
Hood: Only because I’m forced to listen to her speak
~Slappy gets one foot through the ropes before his progress is halted. Syren, from behind, grabs him by the hair. He leans in and headbutts the shit out of the side of Slappy’s head! He drags Slappy back toward the center of the ring. He’s got a firm grip on Slappy’s hair…the back of Slappy’s body is facing the OCW legend. Scruff looks down at Amelia and Canon. He yells out “ONE!” Syren leans in and delivers a vicious headbutt to the back of Slappy’s head. He staggers around. Scruff yells “TWO!”~
Smith: Amelia is hurt…Syren’s giant forehead is doing serious harm to the skull of Slappy…this…this is not good
Hood: Finally, a match I can sit back and enjoy
~Scruff yells “THREE!” Amelia is still down, holding her knee. Canon is on his back, breathing heavily, eyes shut. Syren drills Slappy with another headbutt to the back of the head. Slappy falls to one knee. Scruff yells “FOUR!” Amelia sits up, her face ruined with pain. She rubs her knee…she tries moving it but yelps~
Smith: That could be some significant damage, Hood
Hood: You see? This is why women shouldn’t wrestle? A perfectly good knee WASTED
~Scruff yells “FIVE!” Amelia fights through the pain. The fans are behind her. They are pulling for her. She rolls onto her stomach and crawls toward the ring, near Canon, who hasn’t moved. Syren drills Slappy with ANOTHER head butt! He falls to both knees. Syren releases Slappy’s head and stands in front of him. Scruff yells “SIX!”~
Smith: Neither Syren nor Slappy are legal…the legal parties are outside the ring!
Hood: Canon needs to do that thing where he leaps to his feet and slides into the ring
Smith: A kip up?
Hood: Nip up?
Smith: I think it’s a kip up
Hood: I always get that shit confused
~Syren looks around. He motions with his arms…we are somehow able to decipher he’s saying “It’s time to see my new finisher.” How we are able to decipher that, I cannot tell you. Chalk it up to one of life’s mysteries…the ethos of Scott Syren. Scruff yells “SEVEN!” He rears back and KICKS SLAPPY IN THE HEAD! Slappy falls to the mat~
Smith: THAT’S his new finisher?
Hood: Yep…the name is great, too
Smith: And what, may I ask, is the name?
Hood: Kicking a guy in the head!
Smith: Oi vey
~Amelia nears the ring. Scruff yells ‘EIGHT’! Syren gets on top of Slappy for a pin and yells at Scruff to count. Scruff pauses and looks at Syren on top of Slappy. He knows neither men is legal but he also knows you don’t cross Scott Syren~
Smith: He’s stuck on eight! He isn’t actually going to count that pin, is he?
Hood: You want to tell Syren he isn’t legal?
Smith: Thankfully that is not within my job description
~Syren slaps his hand against the mat acting as though Scruff has forgotten how to count. Amelia reaches for the ring apron. Something yells. Syren looks down to find an awakened, angry giant beneath him! Slappy wraps both hands around Syren’s throat! Scruff turns back around and yells ‘NINE!’~
Smith: Amelia is almost there! If she gets in the ring before the count of ten Syren and Canon are eliminated
Hood: NO!
Smith: Quite possibly the biggest upset of 2018 unfolding before our very eyes!
~Amelia stands on one leg, hopping around. Scruff hesitates before counting ten, waiting on Amelia. Syren and Slappy are standing. Syren breaks Slappy’s arms at the elbows (NOT LITERALLY) Slappy releases his double handed choke. Syren grabs Slappy by the throat with his right hand. Slappy grabs Syren by the throat with his right hand. The two are at a stand still. Amelia lifts up her bad leg, onto the apron~
Smith: Yes!
Hood: What the fuck is Scruff doing! Count you idiot!
Smith: You want a double count out?
Hood: I’ll take that over a fucking loss
~Canon suddenly KIPS UP! Amelia looks his way. Canon grabs her bad leg and yanks it away from the ring, turning Amelia around. He drops her with a DRAGON SCREW! The crowd boos! Amelia yells out, holding her knee. Canon struggles to his feet. Scruff shakes his head and throws up his hands and yells “TEN!” The bell rings!~
Smith: A double count out?
Hood: WEAK ASS BOOKING
Smith: What…what does this mean?!
~Canon falls into the apron and rolls in. He looks up at Scruff with a ‘WTF’ look. “WHY DIDN’T YOU WAIT ON ME?” he asks~
Smith: Curt might have an argument
Hood: He definitely has an argument. Fucking Scruff was having a cup of coffee after nine while waiting on Amelia. Then, the minute Canon takes her down he counts ten. What the fuck!
~Syren and Slappy are frozen, hands wrapped around one another’s throats. Belvedere speaks into the mic. The entire arena is going crazy wondering what’s going on. MASS HYSTERIA~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…I have just been informed that due to Canon and Amelia’s inability to answer the ten count…I have been informed that this match is a DRAW!!!!!
Smith: A draw?!
Hood: The fuck does that even mean?
Smith: Are they both eliminated?
Hood: I fucking hope not
~Medics rush down to the ring to check on Amelia. Slappy, seeing the medics rush down the ramp, releases Syren’s throat. He moves to check on Amelia. Syren lets go of Slappy but responds with a kick into the groin!! Slappy groans and falls to both knees. Syren steps back and gives Slappy another kick in the head for good measure! The crowd is actually BOOING Syren. He laughs…he doesn’t care. He heads toward the ropes and hops over the top rope all the way to the outside. Canon is standing there, looking at Syren with apologetic eyes~
Smith: He didn’t have to do that to Slappy!
Hood: Yes he did…he’s teaching Slappy to be a man!
~Scott pats Canon on the shoulder and shrugs as if to say “What the fuck ever.” He heads up the ramp. Canon follows suit. Behind they leave Slappy, unconscious in the ring and a pain filled Amelia at ringside, having her knee looked at~
Smith: I sure hope Amelia is okay
Hood: I think Syren and Canon should move on. It’s the humane thing to do. Look at her, she can’t wrestle anymore
Smith: That wouldn’t be FAIR
Hood: Fuck fair
~Syren and Canon step through the curtains. The fans begin to chant “GUMMY BEAR MAFIA” hoping it will pick Amelia and Slappy up physically as well as mentally~