OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, February 20th 2017
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
Voice: Since 1999 professional wrestling has recognized and honored the coveted OCW Championship. It all started at FrostBite when Lurrr defeated Brian Velocity to become the first ever OCW Champion.
Voice: That was just the beginning. Scott Syren would claim his first OCW Title several months later by defeating Johnny Hunter in the promotion’s first ever Hell in a Cell match.
Voice: At the company’s second anniversary, FrostBite 3 a wrestler many people saw as a joke, a comedy act…The Big Bifford would shock the naysayers by winning a triple threat against Handy Man and Playboy G for his first OCW Title.
Voice: Later that year, OCW was enduring the second reign of terror under the championship purview of The Great One. Andy Murray, one of OCW’s most improved wrestlers would stand up against this hated, terrible adversary and dethrone him, breathing hope back into the promotion. A common day PerZag, some might say. This would be Murray’s first OCW Title victory…a championship run over a year in the making.
Voice: After a decade of darkness. In 2015 at Genesis, after months and months of regional battles, MJ Bell would defeat Danny B and PerZag to revive the OCW Championship. She was a champion to be proud of, a champion built to usher OCW into the new era of professional wrestling. Sadly, she never lost the belt inside the ring. Some people still view her as the rightful champion today.
Voice: Once again, this coveted title will find a champion. A competitor will rise above the rest and cement their name in the OCW history books. They will join the ranks of the aforementioned Hall of Famers, making a strong claim to join them. Stay tuned, history will be made, tonight.
~Our feed cuts to the OCW Arena in Key West, Florida. The crowd is going crazy, eager to see who the new OCW Champion will be. Again, we focus on the signs, as we always do. “RIP OWLIE” “MORBIDUS IS MORBID!” “BRIANNA, SIGN MY TITS”…held by a woman in a rogue Scott Syren t-shirt. “COE TREATS ANNIE LIKE MY EX TREATED ME!” “DON’T GO BACK TO HER, SMITH!” “NATHAN + WHORE = LOVE!” “DARE CLEMMENS!!!!!!” “DREW AND SAVAGE SHOULD BE CALLED SEWAGE!” “I’D LET ALICE PIN ME TWICE!” “PERZAG IS WORTHY!” “WHO WAS THE MASKED MAN? MACK OR CAUTION?” this fan gets hauled off for being too stupid to risk having around other people. “AN INCREDIBLE MAIN EVENT LAST WEEK!” “CHAD VARGAS WAS ROBBED!” and, finally, “BOB GRENIER ISN’T REALLY CANADIAN, I HAVE HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE RIGHT HERE” held by a person who may or may not look like Donald Trump. We focus on the announcers~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre!! Tonight we will crown our first OCW Champion of 2017…I’m excited, how about you, Hood?
Hood: Those signs…
Smith: Alright, get it out…which sigh drew your ire this week.
Hood: Morbidus is Morbid? C’mon…that person should be escorted along with the masked man moron. And I take umbrage with the excessive use of exclamation points behind Dare Clemmens’ name. Nobody is THAT good
Smith: I’ve heard rave reviews about this young man. We could be witnessing the debut of a star tonight, Hood.
Hood: Oh, speaking of stars…remember That Fucking Star?
Smith: Uhh, no, refresh my memory
Hood: The dumbass star I bought…I told you about it last week.
Smith: Oh, yea, sure...what’s up?
Hood: Fucking thing supernova’d last week. It’s fucking obliterated. I guess that’s kind of the hazard in buying stars.
Smith: I’m sorry to hear that, Hood. But am also glad kids won’t be forced to curse when naming stars in the sky.
Hood: Oh, don’t worry, I’m going to buy like five more.
Smith: Tremendous…but let’s get on point. We have a stacked line up tonight. Dare Clemmens and Iggy Hardy make their debuts. Mack O’Connor and Scott Syren make their in ring returns…
Hood: Scott Syren? What are you talking about? He’s not back. I definitely would have remembered that.
Smith: He’s dressed as Brianna, remember?
Hood: OH! You’re talking about roided up Brianna Casablancas…oh yea, so she’s returning tonight, cool.
Smith: Annie Alvarez faces Jack Puffer in her second match since returning to OCW…and, after that, things get interesting.
Hood: How so? Did we forget to pay our light bill and that’s about the time when the lights may or may not get shut off?
Smith: No…Jimmy Buffet runs this place, there’s no way this administration would miss a payment. I’m talking about the Triple Threat to determine a #1 Contender for the Savage Championship. Rebel, one of the most impressive rookies we’ve seen in quite some time will take on the dangerous Robert Morbidus and, the odds on favorite, Drew Stevenson.
Hood: Hey, that does sound pretty cool. My money is on Stevenson. He’s a good Samaritan. He befriended a freak show with one eye so I think karma is going to give him a win tonight.
Smith: Stevenson very well could pull it off but Rebel has this Silver Cyanide feel to him. I could see him going months without being defeated. As for Morbidus, well, he’s just plain scary.
Hood: Meh, just carry some garlic to the ring. He’ll get fucking counted out.
Smith: After that we're scheduled for what's being dubbed an Incredible Celebration!
Hood: I can't WAIT for that. The Incredible One with the Paradigm Title? That's as good as it gets.
Smith: And…finally…the main event. It’s the match we’ve all been looking forward to since OCW returned. Alice Knight, Bob Grenier, and PerZag will square off in a Two Consecutive Falls Match for the OCW Championship.
Hood: TRIANGLE off.
Smith: Huh?
Hood: There are three of them so they will Triangle off in a Two Consecutive Falls Match
Smith: Fine, whatever. Regardless of the geometrical terminology, tonight we will see either Bob Grenier, PerZag, OR Alice Knight crowned the new OCW champion
Hood: Ugh…
~Hood unscrews something~
Smith: What is that? Tell me you’re not drinking on the job
Hood: Oh, I’m drinking alright, but it’s Mylanta. I don’t think my stomach can handle this Alice Knight bullshit.
Smith: You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get your hatred for her. She’s smart, funny, and tremendous in the ring…a perfect recipe for an OCW Champion.
Hood: Alright, fuck it. I did some thinking and I’m going to show you how I feel. Let’s do a rorschach thing, okay? I’ll show you some pictures and you tell me the first thing that pops into your mind.
Smith: Ohhh, this sounds fun!
Hood: You bet your ass it’s going to be fun. Alright, first image…
Smith: Oh, well PerZag, obviously.
Hood: Okay, good job. And here comes image number two!
Smith: Well, I mean that’s obviously got to be Bob Grenier. That maple leaf sure is a pretty image, don’t you think?
Hood: As far as fucking leaves go, I guess. Okay, you ready for the third image?
Smith: Yep!
Smith: HEY! That’s not fair!
Hood: No, no, go ahead and say it.
Smith: You tricked me!
Hood: Say Alice Knight!
Smith: I’m not going to play into your games, Hood
Hood: Look at the image, Smith…LOOK AT IT! Mother fucking hell, man!
Smith: Look, she may have had some difficult financial times in years past but she’s doing much better now. She’s cleaned up her act…bought a home without wheels and gotten rid of almost all of her cats.
Hood: I’m just saying…that image could be our next OCW Champion. Are you sure you still want her to win?
Smith: I’m not discussing this any further. And, besides…you could have used an owl.
Hood: If I see one more mother fucking owl, I’m going to go postal…I swear on my second cousin’s fiancé’s life.
Smith: Well Hood I certainly hope that far, far removed relative isn't watching tonight's broadcast. Coming up we have the much talked about, anticipated debut of Iggy Hardy. He’s intense…but he also might be…bi polar?
Hood: Is that like a polar bear that swings both ways?
Smith: ….no…I hear we’ve got some interesting footage so why don’t you settle down and just see for yourself
~ Backstage, Iggy Hardy is seen chatting with OCW crewmembers, making small talk with the Key Grip, the wardrobe and makeup people. Iggy, always the friend. Probably because he is always zinging off cocaine is the reason behind his talkativeness. A large black man approaches Iggy.~
Iggy: Hey there big guy!
~The black man scowls.~
Iggy: Whatcha doing?!
Black man: Fuck off!
~The blackman says as he walks by Iggy, throwing a shoulder into him. Iggy falls back a little bit, nearly falling on his ass he saves his balance.~
Iggy: HEY! That wasn’t nice! I want an apology.
Black man: FUCK OFF X2!
~Iggy is taken back by the this man’s rudeness!~
Iggy: You are RUDE! CRUDE! And Socially UNACCEPTABLE!
~The man stops in his tracks, and turns around and walks directly to Iggy, stopping in front of him, the two are standing nose to nose.~
Black man: Hey fag, do you know who I am?
Iggy: Besides a disrespectful human being, NO I DON’T!
Black man: Former OCW wrestler, they used to call me B-Minus.
~Iggy extends his hand.~
Iggy: Well B-Minus! Nice to meet you!
~B-Minus slaps Iggy’s hand away and screams FUCK OFF yet again.~
B-Minus: Get your queer fanny pack wearing ass OUT OF MY SIGHT before I break you IN TWO!
~Iggy looks down at his fanny pack. Not understanding why fanny packs aren’t as cool as they once were.~
Iggy: I want an apology, right THIS MINUTE!
~B-Minus sighs loudly before bitch slapping Iggy across the face. Iggy puts his hand to his face, wiping at his lips. He looks down at his hand checking for any blood. Iggy’s pupils dilate as a wicked look appears on Iggy’s once cheerful loving face.~
Iggy: YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT! YOU STUPID BLACK BITCH! YOU ARE IN FOR A WHIRL OF FUCKING HURT MOTHER FUCKER!!!
~Iggy superkicks B-Minus out of nowhere, the superkick was so INTENSE that it jarred B-Minus out of his shoes! B-Minus stumbles back into the wall, his weight mixed with the trajectory of the kick crumbles the sheet rock behind him.~
Iggy: YOU DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ME GET INTENSE!!!
~The veins in Iggy’s neck pulsate as B-Minus tries to pick himself up. Iggy kicked him so hard that it looks like B-Minus’ chin is to the right of his face instead of the center. No matter how hard he tries he can’t get to his feet. His knees buckle every time he tries. He’s woozier than someone on a week long whiskey bender.~
Iggy: I WARNED YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!
~A crowd of onlookers gather around as Iggy walks up to B-Minus who is still struggling to regain his composure. Iggy helps him up, walks him down the hall way a couple feet, B-Minus is still wobbly but manages to stand to his feet. His eyes rolling in the back of his head as Iggy nails him with a kick to the gut, B-Minus lets out a juicy fart as he doubles over. Iggy grabs his head and crams it between his legs. Iggy gyrates his hips as he hooks his arms and annihilates him with THE PURIFIER through the copy machine! Shrapnel flies everywhere as Iggy jumps up from the ground. Iggy puts out his arm pointing at the crowd peeping the show.~
Iggy: YOU FUCKIN’ LIKE THAT?! MOTHER FUCKERS?!
~Iggy hawks a loogie and spits it on the now motionless B-Minus. Suddenly a calmness washes over Iggy.~
Iggy: Oh my goodness. That copier must cost a fortune. Goodness gracious. Please, by all means, take portions of my paycheck to cover the repairs.
~Iggy bows to the crowd as he skips along down the hall~
Hood: What in the fuck… Did we … Just witness?
Smith: I am absolutely speechless.
Hood: This guy has lost his damn mind! … and I love it!
Smith: Mr. Welsh definitely has to get this guy evaluated. I don’t even think he is mentally competent to participate within the OCW.
Hood: I am … just… WOW! That was… great!
Smith: B-Minus went to F-Minus relatively quick.
Hood: What the hell was he even doing here anyway?
Smith: Who knows, but he will be leaving on a gurney.
Hood: Hilarious. Iggy Hardy. Now that’s a guy that could really go places here.
Smith: He needs meds…
Hood: He has meds. In the cocaine variety.
Smith: Shut up Hood.
Hood: So the guy is, like forty...he's obviously on performance enhancers and he may or may not be under the influence of cocaine. He's now #1 in my current deadpool.
Smith: Replacing?
Hood: Scoot Time...he's always been number one. That fucker lives on the edge of death.
Smith: Highly useful information yet again, Hood. Well folks, we've just seen the kind of damage Iggy Hardy can cause outside the ring...let's see how he fairs inside the ropes.
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall!
~Tibetan chanting fills the OCW arena. Larry the OCW Superfan looks to the Tron. It says nothing. He shrugs, sits down and sort of chants along with the music. Truda, looking relatively healed from his injuries a week ago, walks to the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope. He sits, Indian style, in a corner and awaits his opponent~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Tibet…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 198lbs…Tibet’s 159th best export…Truda!!!
~”Top of the World” by Van Halen fills the arena. The fans turn with enthusiasm. Iggy Hardy emerges from behind the curtain with his muscular arms in the air. A chant of “IGGY! IGGY” breaks out. He stops and takes in the chant, smiling. He then hustles down the ramp, slapping a few hands before jogging up the steps and entering into the ring. He flexes for the crowd as they continue to chant and cheer~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Hawk’s Bluff, North Carolina…standing 6’1 and weighing in at 230lbs….Iggy Hardy!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Alright Hood…we’ve got the attempted resurrection of Truda against the highly anticipated debut of Iggy Hardy.
Hood: The resurrection of Truda? The fuck happened to him?
Smith: Well, he was sort of…kind of…ya know, humiliated at the hands of Syren last week.
Hood: SYREN’S BACK? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
Smith: Ugh…I mean, Brianna Casablancas
Hood: Oh, yea, I remember that. Sucked for Truda…but he is ONLY the 159th best export from Tibet so I guess it’s to be expected.
~Truda stands. He walks into the middle of the ring and does that karate type pose. The butterfly or praying mantis or whatever the hell. Hardy is nonplussed. So, he rears back and slaps Truda across the face. Truda staggers against the ropes, holding his burning left cheek. He utters something mean in Tibetan. He runs at Iggy. Iggy meets him with a stiff clothesline!! Truda hits hard and rolls out of the ring, holding the back of his head in pain~
Smith: So much for equanimity.
Hood: Yea, I hear all this shit about different styles and methods when it comes to wrestling. Man, just muscle up and knock the shit out of your opponent. That never fails.
Smith: Well that doesn’t work for everyone, Hood.
Hood: Why not?
Smith: Because not everyone was created equal, physically
Hood: That’s why some geek in a lab created steroids, Smith. Ask Iggy, he knows what I’m talking about.
Smith: I will make no such accusations!
~Hardy watches Truda and steps near the ropes. He grabs the top rope with both hands and coils. Truda walks past him, completely unaware. Hardy jumps into the air and over the top rope with a Plancha!! He lands right on top of Truda, nearly crushing him. Hardy pops to his feet and throws an arm in the air, the fans cheer his athleticism~
Smith: This guy’s got it all, Hood…a combination of strength and athleticism.
Hood: Do you think the guy who invented steroids was on some professional wrestling organization’s payroll? I mean why would you create steroids when you could be doing something far more beneficial
Smith: Like curing cancer?
Hood: Or creating a pill that completely alleviates any and all hangovers…no matter how massive.
~Hardy yanks Truda to his feet and he tosses him into the barricade. Hardy turns over with his back slamming. Truda is seated, against the barricade, wincing in pain. Hardy charges in and knees Truda in the face!! Truda slouches to the side. Hardy picks him up and hurls him back into the ring. Truda rolls into the middle, lying face down~
Smith: Management is running thin when it comes to Truda. I fear that if he doesn’t turn it around in this match, we might be seeing the last of OCW’s first ever Tibetan wrestler.
Hood: Or, ya know, those douche bag scientists could create a pill that didn’t have like a million side effects.
Smith: Huh?
Hood: You know…they’re like ‘Hey, take this pill and it will cure that pain in your back…however, be aware this pill could cause instant death in some cases.’
Smith: I don’t think any pill has that sort of side effect…but I get your point.
~Hardy hops on the apron and heads to a corner. He climbs to the top and turns his back to Truda. He leaps off with a picture perfect moonsault! Hardy pops to his feet as the crowd is chanting “Iggy! Iggy!” He pumps his arms up and down, increasing the voracity of the cheers~
Smith: Iggy Hardy in total control and this crowd is loving it.
Hood: Our fans would go ape shit for a guy named Iggy…fuck me
Smith: Got a problem with Iggy?
Hood: Not as much of a problem as I have with you thinking it’s an acceptable name for a man over the age of twelve.
~Hardy grabs Truda by the beard and yanks him to his feet. He hoists him up, high in the air in position for a Gorilla Press Slam. Hardy presses Truda several times. He turns and faces each side of the ring, showing off his physique and strength~
Smith: Wow! What phenomenal strength!
Hood: Alright, fuck this guy. I’ve decided. I hate him.
Smith: That was quick
Hood: Hey man, when you know, you know.
~Hardy tosses Truda into the air. Truda flails around, falling face first toward the mat. Iggy kicks his right knee up and it greets Truda’s descending abdomen!! Truda lands on his knees, holding his midsection in pain and coughing. Hardy aggressively grabs Truda by the hair and positions him for a powerbomb. He then leaps forward and drills Truda in the mat, head first with The Purifier (Canadian Destroyer)!!! Truda is laid out as Hardy makes the cover~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings. Hardy pops to his feet with his hand raised~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…IGGY HARDY!!!!!
Smith: Impressive win by Iggy Hardy. Kid’s got a bright future.
Hood: KID? He looks like he’s forty!
Smith: Okay, fine, rookie.
Hood: A forty year old rookie? How much of a fucking future could he have?
Smith: I can see there’s no getting him over with you. So, let’s head backstage
~A black limousine pulls up just outside the OCW Arena. A suited man opens the door as Treat Cassidy steps out, dressed to the nines as always. The door remains open as Mack O’Connor steps out behind Cassidy. The two talk with one another but we cannot make out what they are saying. Just when we think the limo is about to take off, another pair of legs is seen stepping from the car, out steps Chad Vargas. Vargas wears a black “PARADIGM CHAMPION” t-shirt with bold white lettering, a pair of torn jeans and a pair of mirrored Oakley sunglasses cover his eyes. Vargas shakes Cassidy’s hand and gives O’Connor a fist bump as the three walk into the arena.~
Smith: Chad Vargas is in fact at Massacre!
Hood: So much for boycotting matches. Boycotting = No paychecks.
Smith: I don’t think Chad needs the money. He’s here for one reason and one reason only: The Incredible One!
Hood: He didn’t learn his lesson? You do not mess with TIO! I mean he beat him last week!
Smith: Unfairly. He cheated. Chad Vargas should be our Paradigm Champion.
Hood: Oh shut the fuck up Smith! TIO is our champion! Get over it!
Smith: For now.
~Once inside the arena, the three stop at a door that reads ‘Cassidy Global Sports LLC’ O’Connor opens the door as they walk in. A stellar locker room has been customized for Treat Cassidy and his clients.~
O’Connor: You did good Treat. This is great.
~Vargas walks in behind O’Connor, nodding in agreement. The bitterness between the two clients is obvious, but both agreeing to put the past behind them to work together for the common goal at hand.~
Vargas: Yahht, damn good Cassidy. It’s good to have you back.
Cassidy: Thank you gentlemen.
~O’Connor takes a seat on the sofa, as Vargas takes a seat next to him, far away from another, but sharing the sofa none the less.~
Cassidy: Tonight, will set into motion a number of great things for us…for you two, as well.
~Cassidy says as he points to the two bad asses before him. O’Connor and Vargas look at one another, and then back at Cassidy.~
Cassidy: We have great things in store for us…both collectively and as separate units. We have to work together to get through this. I want you guys to work together. Have one another’s backs. Very soon there will be another within our mix and we need to make them feel welcome so that we can together, tear through the OCW roster like mad men. I have a meeting with Jimmy Buffet mid-week, to go over some very important items on the docket.
O’Connor: You better feed me Incredible One on a platter, Treat.
Vargas: Yeah – feed him to O’Connor after I take a bite out of his bitch ass!
O’Connor: Chad, I want him first.
Cassidy: Guys! Guys! This pointless bickering will not get us anywhere. In due time gentleman. In due time, you both will get your shots at the Incredible One. One thing at a time. I’m working on something much bigger then The Incredible One. There are 5 championships in OCW. Two of the best professional wrestlers sit before me right as I speak. Two championships belong on both of you. That leaves two more. We need to keep our eyes open. We need to recruit the very best talent to ride into the future with us, united as one. I’ve already given my rolodex a spin. I’ve got phone calls, text messages, and e-mails already sent out. I’ve got something big, real BIG in our midst. Let’s focus on reclaiming gold within our ranks. We are the Gold Standard.
~Vargas and O’Connor look at one another, and then back at Cassidy.~
Cassidy: You can be the man with the shovel in his hand, or you can be the man that sells the shovel to the man with a shovel in his hand.
~Vargas and O’Connor exchange another look at one another and then back to Cassidy~
Cassidy: Gentleman, we are at the cusp of greatness. We just need to focus. We cannot get caught up fretting over The Incredible One. We focus on the task at hand, and you let me worry about negotiating the very best I can for the both of you. Mack, you need to worry about taking down Tatum Coe this evening, shaking the rust off your in-ring abilities and getting a W in the win column. Chad, I know you’re bitter and I know you want TIO’s blood, but let’s please take one thing at a time and effectively move up the ladder of success together!
~Mack nods his head, excited to get back into the squared circle against Tatum Coe. Vargas, too shakes his head. No matter what is said about Treat Cassidy, he sure can motivate the socks off his men~
Vargas: I’m with you. You’ve been in my corner nearly my entire career and haven’t led me astray let. I will do whatever it is needed of me, but make no mistake about it – when I get my hands on The Ignorant One, I will not hold ANYTHING back much like last Monday night, except the only difference next time will be the fact that not only will he be handed yet another down home country southern fried ASS KICKIN’ but it will be capped off with a defeat this time!
~Vargas sighs as he stands from the sofa, walks over to the refrigerator to check out what kind of beer it’s stocked with~
Cassidy: I respect that Chad. You are the man, you know it, and I know it.
~Cassidy leans in closer to O’Connor~
Cassidy: Now, unlike Johnny Reb over there, you are the more level headed one. You are precise. I need you to get the job done tonight, Mack. I’m telling you, I have huge things on the horizon for you guys and it starts tonight by way of taking out Tatum Coe.
O’Connor: Not a problem.
~Cassidy and O’Connor shake hands as O’Connor smirks with confidence. O’Connor too stands up and goes to the refrigerator to see what kind of beverages OCW is offering~
Smith: Treat Cassidy is a genius!
Hood: A genius, maybe, but a wimp, definitely!
Smith: Well… he isn’t a wrestler, Hood, do you expect him to be some kind of tough guy? He has people to do his bidding for him. He can be a wimp and get away with it.
Hood: Maybe so.
Smith: Very interesting though how Chad Vargas and Mack O’Connor team together, if you remember Vargas defeated O’Connor for the OCW Championship a couple of years ago.
Hood: Ancient history. It’s all about TIO now.
Smith: Sounds to me like Treat Cassidy may have recruited some reinforcements.
Hood: Like who?! If it isn’t Big Bifford or Lurrr it’s nobody to be taken seriously!
Smith: There are some terrific OCW alumni that aren’t named Biff or Lurrr, Hood.
Hood: There is? Like who?
Smith: I could name several.
Hood: I hear Kobra is looking for work.
Smith: Who?
Hood: Exactly.
Smith: Later on tonight we'll be seeing the debut of Dare Clemmens as he takes on the former OCW Champion, Caution. I'm being told Dare is expected to arrive at any minute...let's head backstage for his arrival!
Hood: So what if he doesn't arrive for another ten minutes? We're just going to watch a door?
Smith: Relax, I'm sure it won't take that long
~Backstage, the cameras catch up with newly signed Dare Clemmens along with his apparent lady friend, Erica Bragg. The two appear to be heading towards the locker room area when they’re both confronted by Tony Chu, Dare’s agent.~
Chu: Ah, so you finally arrive. I thought I was going to have to call for a replacement.
~Tony eyeballs Erica.~
Chu: And this must be the lovely Erica Bragg. Finally, we meet in the flesh. I’m sure my client has already become accustomed to your flesh?
~Erica smirks.~
Bragg: I don’t talk about such things, Mr. Chu.
~Dare is so uncomfortable, it’s written all over his face.~
Clemmens: Can we just relax? You can both coexist. It’s very possible. Tony, you’ve gotten me this great opportunity, and Erica, you’ve given me something I didn’t think was possible. We’re all happy. Let’s...be happy.
~Dare tugs Erica along with him and Tony turns to watch them walk away.~
Chu: Happiness has nothing to do with it Dare. Nothing at all.
~Tony pulls out his phone and dials a number and holds it to his ear.~
Chu: Hello? Yeah. It’s Tony. I need your help. This Bragg situation is getting out of control. We need to send her and my client a little message. No. Nothing violent. Calm yourself. No. That’s still violence. Gah. Just let me. Look. Shut up. We’ll talk about this face to face.
~Tony lets out a sigh as he ends the call.~
Chu: It is so difficult to find good help these days.
~The scene fades away with Tony turning around and walking up the hallway. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Interesting situation between OCW rookie Dare Clemmens and Tony Chu.
Hood: I don’t blame the guy…she’s moving in on his real estate.
Smith: She’s given him something he didn’t think was possible
Hood: Fucking women…that’s alright, Chu can give him the same thing once she’s out of the picture.
Smith: Uhhh, what?
Hood: Well, why can’t he? He’s got the means, I’m sure
Smith: I…I…
Hood: Wait, what are you thinking about?
Smith: What are you thinking about?
Hood: The fucking Ferrari, of course.
Smith: Oh, haha…yes, I’m sure he can provide that
Hood: Hold on a second…what the fuck were you REALLY thinking about?
Smith: Nothing…let’s head down to ringside!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall!
~”Hurricane” by Bob Dylan begins to play. Detective Jack Puffer heads to the ring. He doesn’t seem to be in his usual investigative mood. He has a lot on his mind. He rolls into the ring and heads into a corner~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Aurora, Illinois…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 215lbs…Detective Jack Puffer!!!
~”Girl all the Bad Guys Want” by Bowling for Soup hits the arena speakers. Annie Alvarez emerges from behind the curtain. Tatum Coe is behind her, dressed in his finest. He doesn’t appear too concerned with his match later against O’Connor. He just seems focused on Annie. Coe and Annie reach the ringside area. Coe hops onto the apron and bends the ropes for Annie. She enters as Coe hops down and stands at ringside. Annie steps toward Puffer and spouts some words we can’t hear or decipher. Puffer looks at the mat, taking them in thoughtfully~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California…standing 5’5 and weighing in at 125lbs…Annie Alvarez!
~The bell sounds~
Smith: Strange to see Tatum Coe out here with Annie…he’s always been a loner.
Hood: Well they did aggressively make out last week so I don’t think it’s THAT strange.
Smith: Yea, maybe not
Hood: Then again, Coe does strike me as the type of guy that has a wad of cab fare ready to hurl at a chick once the deed is done so…maybe it IS strange.
Smith: Okay, stop it, you’re confusing me
~Annie steps to Puffer and slaps him across the face. Puffer’s head jerks to the right. He backs down, almost cowering. Annie slaps him again and again with Puffer backing against the ropes. He puts his arms up, trying to prevent Annie from slapping him again. Annie takes a few steps back and puts her hands on her hips. The fans boo~
Smith: I think it’s clear Puffer wasn’t born to be a wrestler
Hood: Are you advocating abuse? You want him to just haul off and hit that woman?
Smith: I’m not advocating that at all…this is a wrestling match, Hood. He should, ya know, wrestle.
Hood: He is wrestling…with his mind. You watch, he’s trying to confuse Annie…it’s all mental games with Puffer.
Smith: That outcome would legitimately shock me
~Annie pie faces Puffer as hard as she can. He tilts over the top rope before regaining his footing. Coe is on the outside, laughing at him. Annie kicks him in the shin and slaps him once more. Puffer drops his hands and finally looks at Annie. For the first time in his career he displays something resembling a backbone. Puffer reaches forward and grabs Annie by the throat. Her eyes widen with excitement. A smile spreads across her face. She nods and yells “Do It!”~
Smith: I’m not sure how many of these Alvarez matches I can take
Hood: Damn, I guess Puffer really wasn’t using his mind…not sure why I took that leap of faith
Smith: That awful man never uses his brain
Hood: Hey…wait a minute…didn’t he discover your ex-wife’s number which set up the meet and greet earlier in the week?
Smith: I don’t. Want. To. Talk about it.
Hood: Oh man, I’ve got to get the details on this
~Puffer picks Alvarez up by the throat and positions her for a chokeslam. He hesitates with her dangling in the air. Her choked, gurgled voice commands him to do it. He backs down, dropping her safely to the mat. She begins to apologize. She becomes furious. She slaps him in the face and kicks him in the knee. He falls to one knee…she grabs the back of his head and knees him in the face! He drops to the mat holding his nose in pain~
Smith: Kick him again, Annie! Destroy his face and that long, flowing hair of his!
Hood: Easy, tiger…you’re starting to sound like me over there
Smith: This man is a fraud! A charlatan!
Hood: It went that bad, huh?
Smith: I refuse to discuss my personal life with the likes of you, Hood
Hood: Oh, but you’ll hire Detective Jack Puffer…great life choices, Smith.
~Annie hooks his arms for Kiss the Mat (Pedigree). Puffer fights out of it and shoves Annie into the ropes. Annie bounces off and Puffer drills her with a lariat!! Annie hits the mat hard, holding her chest in pain. Puffer stands over her, his shoulders heaving and his hair shielding his face. He seems to have been taken over by a rage~
Smith: Where was THIS type of determination when he was locating a certain someone’s number?
Hood: Dude, what did he do to you? Did HE fuck your ex-wife?
Smith: Please, like she’d go for a man named PUFFER
Hood: She went for you
Smith: Oh and I suppose you’re some kind of Sheik…some kind of Drugstore Cowboy
Hood: What the fuck are you talking about?
~Puffer hesitates, the rage is leaving. Annie reaches up and grabs his hand and puts it around her throat. She instructs him to finish her off. Puffer lets go and backs away. He shakes his head as though saying he can’t do it. Coe buries his face in his hands and walks over to the side where Puffer is retreating~
Hood: What a pussy
Smith: Let me tell you something, Hood. You aren’t the Bees Knees…you certainly aren’t the Cat’s Pajamas. You fancy yourself a Lounge Lizard well, you sir are wrong!
Hood: What the fuck kind of language are you speaking?
Smith: Sorry…it’s just when I get flummoxed I start using 1920s slang
Hood: You should really see somebody about that
~Coe hops on the apron and he pulls on Puffer’s hair. Puffer turns around and shoves Coe. Coe falls off the apron and slams into the barricade. He’s more surprised than hurt. He looks up and smiles. Puffer turns around…Annie drills him with a roundhouse kick to the side of the head. Puffer staggers to the side. Annie runs into the ropes, ricochets off and kicks Puffer in the gut with a Shining Wizard. Puffer doubles over…she grabs his arms, hooks them and drops him with Kiss the Mat!!! She rolls Puffer over and goes for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…ANNIE ALVAREZ!!!!!
Smith: Well she wins again…in strange fashion, just like last week
Hood: It’s like An Affair to Remember!
Smith: Wow, you’ve actually seen that movie?
Hood: Not really, I just like the title…sounds awesome.
Smith: Of course
~Alvarez gets to her feet. Coe slides in and raises her arm high in the air. She turns her focus onto Puffer. She instructs Coe. He pulls Puffer up and lightly pats him on the face, waking him up. Puffer starts to snap out of his Kiss the Mat daze. He focuses on Annie and his fists tighten. Coe lets go and takes a step back~
Smith: What’s going to happen here?
Hood: I think he’s preparing for a super competitive game of paper, rock, scissors…he’s obviously about to throw Rock.
Smith: Or he might be getting ready to punch Annie
Hood: No way, that face is too sexy to punch
~Annie grows tired of Puffer standing there. She pie faces him again, an act of humiliation. Puffer reaches out and grabs her by the hair. And, just like Coe, he dives in and plants a rough kiss on her lips. The crowd seems confused. Several mothers question bringing their small children to the show. Puffer breaks the kiss and walks toward the ropes. Coe meets him there. Together they sit on the middle rope and create an opening. Annie steps through and hops to the floor. They follow and the three of them walk up the ramp together~
Smith: Wretched…she’s playing off the frustrations of OCW’s lower tiered competitors.
Hood: Hey, buy low, sell high. She’s apparently a savvy investor.
Smith: You don’t invest in people, Hood.
Hood: Sure you do…what, you think shit just runs itself?
Smith: Whatever…so she’s got Tatum Coe and Jack Puffer in her stable or group or whatever you want to call it…good for her. I have a hard time seeing them having any sort of pivotal impact.
Hood: You have to start somewhere, Smith.
Smith: I guess…alright folks, let’s head backstage
~Backstage we see Robert Morbidus power lifting, training for his match later. Mr. Judas is counting along with each rep~
Judas: 10. 11. 12. 13. Come on Robert. Keep it up.
~Morbidus eyes Judas and growls~
Morbidus: With all due respect Judas, tonight…
Judas: Have you fed today? You’re looking pale.
Morbidus: Hmph. Yes. Of course I have. Rebel’s and Stevenson’s words about vampirism. They don’t know what they’re dealing with. And Hood…Hood…
~Morbidus continues to exercise while looking on with steely determination~
Judas: So show them. Look, you are bound to be mocked given that people say vampires are fictional. But… you and I know differently. What happened the last time you weren’t taken seriously?
Morbidus: Aki Boohe Khan…That stupid Mexican…I ripped his head in two!
Judas: Well almost. You and I both know that you will rack up an impressive win record here in OCW, it’s merely a matter of time. Last week, the Detective was sent to the emergency room after your match, did you know? Tonight it will be the same. Rebel’s impressive streak ends. Drew Stevenson – if he survives the onslaught – will go to the tag team division and you…you will become the number one contender for the title that was seemingly made for you. Darkness looms over OCW now, and it starts tonight. You ended Jack Puffer. You will end Stevenson and Rebel… and next week? Next week, you will prove why there is only ONE demon to fear in OCW and his name is NOT Lance Savage. By the end of tonight, all of OCW will fear the terror that is Robert Morbidus! As for Hood: He’ll see things from our view by the time the night is out.
~Morbidus growls in anger again as we cut away~
Smith: Morbidus is not happy with you, Hood
Hood: Not my fucking problem...he needs to remain focused on the guys that are going to try and kick his blood sucking ass. I'm just the super sexy, sophisticated, suave stud sitting suggestively surreptitiously seducing someone's sister.
Smith: Whose sister?
Hood: Not yours, I can tell you that much
Smith: Good because she's had to do alot to overcome her addiction.
Hood: Hmmm...
Smith: You derail those impure thoughts, Hood! Derail them right now! Or...hold on...Wait! I’m being informed that there is a situation developing backstage, and we’re cutting to it right now!
~The live feed of the OCW broadcast cuts backstage to a massive amount of security fighting off the new Paradigm Champion, The Incredible One. TIO and his bodyguard Knux are laying waste to a group of security men that have been stationed backstage in front of locker room that reads “Treat Cassidy”. Knux knocks the heads of two security guards together, as they collapse, allowing TIO to pick up the final guard and slam his back into the painted concrete wall. He crumbles to the ground as TIO turns his attention to the door of Cassidy’s room~
The Incredible One: LITTLE PIG! LITTLE PIG! LET ME IN!
~TIO fiddles with the door knob, and it doesn’t budge, being obviously locked. TIO begins to kick the door but is unable to kick it down. TIO looks around at his surroundings and then motions for Knux to grab something for him. Knux walks out of view from the camera but comes back quickly and hands TIO an axe~
Smith: Why do we have axes laying around backstage?
Hood: If you AXE me...hehehehe...it’s the damn Canadians. I like Mister Incredible, don’t get me wrong, but it’s their Canadian lumberjack influence bringing them here.
Smith: …Do you even hear yourself speak sometimes?
~With the axe in hand, TIO examines the sharp blade for a moment before swinging it at the door. He cracks the wood a few times before making a large hole in the middle of the door~
The Incredible One: HERE’S JOHNNY!
~One final swift kick into the door and the door smashes into pieces as TIO barges into the room to see that no one is present. Red flashes onto the face of TIO as he begins to wreck the entire place: throwing a table with food on it, smashing equipment and throwing around ring gear. TIO then grabs the camera that is filming him and proceeds to speak into it, his face covering the entirety of the feed~
The Incredible One: You hiding on me, Treat? You too Mack? Where one bitch is, one must not be far. Know this… I may have won last week, but… BUT… I do not take your attack on me lightly… Mack. I will find you tonight, and you will know exactly why I am called… Mister Incredible.
~The feed cuts abruptly to static as we go back to Smith and Hood on commentary~
Smith: Treat's dressing room...that was stocked to the HILT with goodies and luxuries for Mack and Chad has been demolished.
Hood: Eh, easy come, easy go
Smith: That's a pretty cavalier attitude, don't you think...considering some guy just broke in there using an Axe. What if Mack or Chad had been taking a nap?
Hood: Well then they would have been deemed lazy and murdered for their indolence!
Smith: I look at it more as a jealousy thing. The Incredible One saw the spread...he saw the luxuries..he saw the power of Mack and Chad together, overcoming their differences and he just had to wreck it. He's an extremely jealous man.
Hood: But...not as jealous as Drew Stevenson
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Because, ya know...envy is green, right?
Smith: Oh please...on that ludicrous note, let's head down to ringside for the much talked about debut of Dare Clemmens!
Dare Clemmens (0-0) vs. Caution (0-1)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next match is scheduled for one fall…
~ Lunch horn is heard going off loudly as "Hard Workin' Man" by Brooks 'N Dunn hits, Caution walks out with a rollie cigarette hanging from his lips. He slowly walks down the ramp to the ring. He wears cut off jean shorts and a black tank top reading "Work 'em boys" and black work boots. “BOO!” is on the Tron. Larry entices the fans to boo Caution even though many of them seem to admire and enjoy the veteran. He climbs into the ring takes a drag from his cig and drops it to the mat, squashing it with his boot. He raises his arms in the air screaming "COME GET SOME!". He then angrily bounces off the ropes and begins shadow boxing waiting for his sorry sack opponent~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Hell’s Basement, New York…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 275lbs…Caution!!!
~ There's a short sputter and hiss as a needle touches down on a record. Shortly after that the sound of "Suburbia" by Kavinsky starts to blare out of the PA system~
~It's rough and scratchy, like a bad girl's muff, but it gets the fans up off their asses as Dare Clemmens steps out from the entrance. Oh yeah, he's wearing those sunglasses he makes look so good, a black leather jacket and a t-shirt that reads quite plainly, "Stolen."~
~He makes his way down towards the ring as the fans hoot and holler. Right behind him is none other than Tony Chu. You're damn right. It's Tony Chu. The two make it to the ring where Dare takes off his jacket and sunglasses and hands them off to Tony. Tony looks mildly offended for a moment before handing Dare's belongings off to a ring hand. Dare slides into the ring and pops up to his feet. This guy is serious business or completely ready to die a terrible death. The fans are excited to find out. Dare removes his t-shirt much to the pleasure of the female fans. He balls it up and tosses it into the crowd~
~That's right, he's built like he's etched out of stone and has just the right amount of chest hair. His smile, oh my, it's a devilish one. Those eyes? You wanna get you some. Male or female. You're questioning your sexuality. The music stops and Dare goes to his corner, ready to kill or get killed. Tony goes to his corner, quietly crossing his fingers, hoping he doesn't have to bury another client soon~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…standing 6’0 feet tall and weighing in at 190lbs…Dare Clemmens!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: I hear that’s Tony Chu out there with Dare.
Hood: You’re damn right it’s Tony Chu
Smith: You seem awfully certain on that one
Hood: Damn right I am
~Dare eyes Caution as he approaches. Dare doesn’t back down. He moves forward. The two lock up. Dare quickly twists the arm of Caution, sending pain shooting through the appendage. Caution, displaying his surprising quickness turns around and hits Dare with a short arm clothesline. Dare releases Caution’s arm. Caution flings it toward the mat a few times, wringing out the pain. Dare is slightly stunned. Caution grabs Dare’s left arm and goes for another short arm clothesline. Dare ducks and sprints for the ropes…he shoots off… Caution turns around and Dare leaps into the air for a cross body. Caution catches him! Caution goes for a fall away slam. Dare, however, modifies his body into a semi-Sunset Flip – landing on his feet. Caution turns around and Dare drills him with a spinning heel kick!! Caution falters, staggering near the ropes. Dare charges in with a spear! Caution flies through the ropes, spilling roughly on the outside. Dare manages to catch himself in the ropes to keep from following Caution all the way down. He pulls back into the ring and looks down at Caution, who is holding his lower back in pain~
Smith: Impressive sequence there…Dare Clemmens was spot on when he said he doesn’t back down.
Hood: Yea, did you get a look at that Ferrari he drives? I heard he drives a Ferrari.
Smith: There’s more to people than what kind of car they drive, Hood.
Hood: Not with this guy, apparently. From what I heard that car’s pretty much all he’s got.
Smith: He does have the hots for Alice Knight
Hood: Hmm, that explains his living situation. Guy makes bad life decisions.
~Dare’s legs become jittery as he waits for Caution to get to his feet. The crowd gets behind him. Caution reaches his feet and Dare sprints across the ring. He hits the ropes, bounces off and charges toward the side Caution is near. He dives through the ropes with at tope! Caution, however, moves and Dare jams his head right into the barricade!! Caution leans against the barricade catching his breath while Dare lays on the ground, holding his head and neck in pain~
Smith: Dare went for a big move and it backfired.
Hood: That’s fucking Caution for you. Guy is old as fuck and shaped like a damn pear…I guess…but he’s wily and built to take a beating.
Smith: Like a punching bag?
Hood: I’d compare him to a really, really, REALLY old catcher’s mitt.
~Caution pulls Dare to his feet and whips him into the apron. Dare’s back slams into the edge of the apron. He grimaces in pain. Caution charges in and clotheslines Dare against the apron! Dare falls to his knees. Caution punches Dare in the side of the head. Dare falls to the ground, holding the left side of his head in pain~
Smith: Caution is teaching the youthful Dare a lesson or two about hard living.
Hood: What the fuck are you talking about?
Smith: Well, I mean those were some pretty hard hitting moves
Hood: It’s fucking wrestling, man. You act like they’re out there laying pipe which…come to think of it, is an activity Dare’s likely more seasoned in than Caution.
Smith: I doubt that. Dare seems to be a millennial. He wouldn’t know a thing about plumbing.
Hood: Fuck. Never mind.
~Tony Chu continues to observe from his corner, which is across the ring. He hasn’t reacted much, simply taking in the performance with a discerning eye. Caution picks Dare up and drags him to the steps. He fills his right hand with Dare’s hair and slams him, face first into the steps. Dare staggers. Caution lunges forward with a head butt!! Dare falls to the floor, holding his face in pain. Scruff finally begins to count~
Smith: About time, Dare is getting killed out there!
Hood: Yea, like getting in the water with a shark. Caution thrives outside the ring.
Smith: He’s okay inside the ring
Hood: Okay? Ehhhhh…alright, I guess he did have to, ya know, fucking pin somebody to win the Hardcore Title…which usually takes place inside the ring so I’ll make my peace with okay.
~Scruff hits five and pauses. He has to shift to his other hand. He yells out ‘SIX’. Caution utters ‘pick up sticks’ for some reason, as he pulls Dare to his feet. He hurls Dare in, under the bottom rope and rolls in behind~
Smith: Finally…now we can get some real wrestling.
Hood: From now on, I think it would be beneficial to everyone if they just did the countdown on the tron for Scruff. Or, hell, have Belvedere sound out the numbers.
Smith: He has to learn how to count, Hood.
Hood: He’s a forty something year old man! I think that ship has sailed, don’t you?
~Tony Chu shifts a bit in his seat, but remains calm. The crowd claps, ready to see some in ring action. Caution rolls into the ring and pulls Dare to his feet. He then tosses Dare back outside, hopping through the ropes behind him. Belvedere yells in the ring “start counting NOW, Scruff!” Scruff does as instructed. Caution pulls Dare to his feet and kicks him in the gut. He sets him up for a powerbomb. He lifts Dare up and looks to powerbomb him on top of the steel steps. Dare punches Caution in the head. Caution loses his grip. Dare falls back and tosses Caution head first into the steps with a Huricanrana!!! The steps separate as Caution clutches his head in pain. The fans cheer loudly with chants of ‘Dare!’ filling the arena~
Smith: Tremendous counter by Dare Clemmens! Caution was threatening to run away with the match.
Hood: That Tony Chu is one poker faced mother fucker. I’d hate to play him in Battleship.
Smith: Those are two totally different games, Hood
Hood: True, but they both require composure.
~Dare gets to his feet and leans against the apron. Caution is still on the ground. Scruff reaches seven. It becomes apparent to Dare that he could win the match via count out. He grabs Caution by his thinning hair and hurls him into the ring. Dare slides in just before nine. The count breaks and the match continues~
Smith: Class act by Dare…he wants to win this the right way.
Hood: Oh for fucks sake, man. A win is a win. You can obviously tell he was GIVEN that Ferrari
Smith: How so?
Hood: Because, a true Ferrari owner would have taken the count out. Win at all costs, Smith. Sportsmanship is for pussies.
Smith: Oh yea? Well I would have done the same thing!
Hood: Point proven
~Dare stands over Caution. The old man is barely moving…really showing his age. Dare kneels and places his hand behind Caution’s head. Then, in one fluid, seamless motion he locks in a Triangle Choke!! Caution’s arms wave around as his face turns puce. His eyes grow heavy. He’s fading~
Smith: Dare calls that Yummy Down on This!
Hood: Yummy, huh?
Smith: That’s what it says
Hood: Is it with a y or an ie?
Smith: Does….it matter?
Hood: Hell yes it matters. If it’s with an ie well, then that’s kind of gay.
Smith: It’s spelled with a y on my sheet
Hood: Alright, then there’s no need to panic as Dare brings Caution’s face that close to his crotch.
Smith: I think you were the only person on the verge of panic
~Caution’s eyes shut completely. His arms are spaghetti…cooked spaghetti, not, ya know, the cold, hard spaghetti. Scruff picks up Caution’s arm. Caution has a live strong bracelet on, for some reason. It’s yellow, so maybe due to the color scheme. Scruff drops Caution’s arm. It hits the mat~
Smith: If his arm hits two more times this one is over.
Hood: I have to give it to this Dare guy…if he chokes that fucker out that would be impressive.
Smith: Caution is a hell of a competitor
Hood: I saw him choke on a chicken bone once. Guy struggled and wheezed for like ten minutes before coughing it up.
Smith: You dined with Caution?
Hood: Hell no, he was just chowing down on some fried chicken in the back before a match one time.
~Scruff picks up Caution’s arm a second time. It drops. The crowd is on their feet, anticipating a choke out victory for Dare. Scruff picks the arm up…it falls but STOPS inches from the mat. Caution’s eyes open and he begins to shake and power to his feet. Dare clenches down, increasing the pressure. Caution coughs a bit but powers to his knees~
Smith: This is unbelievable!
Hood: I know, can you believe the audacity of Scruff?
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Caution’s live strong bracelet is missing! Scruff stole it!
Smith: He did? Oh well, those things are pretty cheap
~Caution reaches his feet. Dare continues to apply pressure. Like a drunk man, Caution stumbles around. He lifts Dare up and drills him into the top turnbuckle with a powerbomb!! The move impacts both men. Dare’s grip loosens a bit while Caution’s throat gets jammed up. Caution shakes his head, lifts Dare up high and drills him into the mat with a sit out powerbomb!! Dare lets go over the hold and Caution holds on for a pin. Caution coughs his lungs up as Scruff slides into view, with his newly acquired live strong bracelet in full view, making the count~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!
Smith: Wow!! Caution nearly ruined the debut of Dare Clemmens!
Hood: That fucking old man. Just sprouts up out of nowhere like a dick on Viagra.
Smith: Gross
Hood: Alright, fine, Cialis.
Smith: How do you know so much about those pills, Hood?
Hood: It’s not my fucking fault they air a promo every other commercial break during sporting events. Lay off me.
~Caution rolls over and continues coughing. His throat is obviously irritated, if not partially damaged. Dare slides back, into a corner. He reaches up and grabs the middle rope, pulling himself to his feet. Caution gets to his feet and stumbles around, coughing. Dare positions himself behind Caution. Caution turns around and catches a Thrust kick into the throat!!!~
Smith: Dare calls that Shoot to Thrill!
Hood: Fuck, given Caution’s damaged throat…more like Shoot to Kill
Smith: Indeed
~Caution’s body ricochets off the ropes. It’s the only thing that keeps him from fall. He stumbles back toward Dare who delivers another Shoot to Thrill, same spot, into the throat! Caution falls over, onto his back. Dare goes for the quick cover as Scruff and his new bracelet make the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…DARE CLEMMENS!!!!!
Smith: Wow, impressive win for the newcomer Dare Clemmens. Caution is a grizzled vet and threw some of his best offense Dare’s way but, the young man from Philadelphia stood strong and got a clear, decisive victory.
Hood: That kick was nasty. I think we need to put Caution in the same locker room as Morbidus.
Smith: And why is that, exactly?
Hood: Dude’s going to be puking up blood. So, instead of having some crew member clean it up and risk getting AIDS or Hepatitis…Morbidus can just lick it up off the floor.
Smith: WHAT? That’s disgusting!
Hood: Shit, fine…he can use a straw, geez.
Smith: No, the entire concept is just hideous, Hood.
Hood: What? Vampires can’t get AIDS, okay. Last time I checked Van Helsing wasn’t running around Transylvania with a syringe full of AIDS. It’s just crosses, holy water, garlic and a stake through the heart, right?
Smith: I’m not talking about this anymore. I want to focus on Dare Clemmens and his impressive debut victory. We’ve heard a lot about this young man and it appears as though he lived up to the hype.
Hood: Yea, for tonight at least. The matches are going to get tougher. I mean we do have wrestlers who aren’t senior citizens.
Smith: Indeed…it will be interesting to see what management has lined up for Dare Clemmens and his Ferrari.
Hood: GIFTED Ferrari, Smith. Better get that shit straight. Speaking of...where was Erica Bragg...I was looking forward to observing her ringside prowess.
Smith: While I can't say for sure...I'd assume it's something along the line of avoiding a too many cooks in the kitchen scenario...if ya know what I mean.
Hood: What, like when the guy at McDonalds handling the fryer trips the guy working the drive thru which causes him to fall into the guy microwaving the patties?
Smith: Hate to break it to ya, but those aren't cooks, Hood.
~Chu collects Dare’s belongings and appears pleased with his performance. They head up the ramp as we cut backstage~
~Our cameras show us the inside of The Eastern European’s office. EE sits behind his desk presumably signing more talent contracts. A plentiful stack of papers sit in piles before him. His door flies open as he looks up from his work visibly annoyed.~
Eastern European: Enter the door!
~The man standing before him is somewhat familiar. Wearing a pair of black jeans, a plain white t-shirt with a black leather jacket covering it.~
OCW Security: Sir, I’m sorry. This man brandished a firearm and forced his way back here. There was not much I could do.
Eastern European: His arm is fire? Well put it out! Put it out now before we all catch fire!
~The man unzips his leather jacket, the camera focuses in on the butt of a 9mm from his waist band.~
Man: I will keep this brief, sir. Maybe you’ve heard of me. I’m Mack Hollywood.
~EE looks at Hollywood dead in the eye, then looks at his own security guard and then back at Hollywood.~
Eastern European: His arm is not fire? Why you lie? Hollywood, huh? I like the Hollywood, continue!
Hollywood: Well. I am Head of Security for the Gold Standard.
Eastern European: Secure Gold? I have no gold. Maybe silver.
Hollywood: I secure Treat Cassidy and his clientele…Chad Vargas and Mack O’Connor.
~EE rolls his eyes at the mention of Cassidy and his clients.~
Eastern European: The Vargas and Mack have no gold. I sure of that!
Hollywood: Uhh, okay. I was actually the Head of OCW Security back in 2014 under Cassidy’s watch.
Eastern European: You not head of OCW Security. I know head of security, he not you. He bigger…his arm never catch fire.
Hollywood: Look, all I’m doing is giving you a brief background story. I was hired by Mr. Cassidy to restore order and levy the playing field a little. You haven’t seen the last of me and what I’m capable of.
~EE rolls his eyes again, adjusting the paperwork before him, clearly wanting to get back to whatever it was he was doing.~
Eastern European: I no recognize your authority. So you not OCW security, okay? Huh? Yea. So you can go now, I have work to do. And if your arm does catch fire, you get no help from me.
Hollywood: You’re a nut job. The introduction was me being polite. I have this for you as well.
~Hollywood reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out an envelope. He sits it on EE’s desk and slides it to him with a flick of his finger. The camera fixates on the envelope that reads “From the Law Offices of Cassidy, Cassidy, & Pope”. EE shakes his head as he holds the envelope in front of him~
Hollywood: You should find indictments of The Incredible One, Marcus Welsh as well as yourself from the behalf of Monroe County Superior Court. As you can imagine, I ain’t much for the law, I have no idea what it all entails. So, don’t shoot the messenger.
~EE lets out a long sigh as he tucks the envelope away inside his desk drawer.~
Hollywood: Have a great evening, sir.
Eastern European: Pope? What is this pope business? I no catholic. Barry, get this man out of here. I no want to see his face any longer!
~EE motions for the OCW security guard to escort Mack Hollywood from his chambers. The OCW security guard, now seemingly identified as ‘Barry’ places a hand on Hollywood’s shoulder, Hollywood shrugs him off and exits the EE’s office.~
Eastern European: Next time I see you…arm better be on fire! I no like queens of drama!
~Hollywood chuckles as he shuts the door to EE’s office behind him~
Eastern European: Barry man is low, you need be tougher. Not fall for lies. Get out my face. We talk later, okay? Okay.
~Barry nods apologetically as he too exits EE’s office. Leaving EE to sit and stare at his pile of paperwork. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: This job has never been tougher than it’s been throughout this run. For those of you at home, allow me to translate what happened…Treat Cassidy has hired protection for his clients, Mack O’Connor and Chad Vargas. He’s also filed legal motions against The Incredible One, Marcus Welsh, and our beloved Eastern European. The Eastern European, of course responds by asking if the man’s arm is on fire.
Hood: He also apparently thinks Barry Manilow is a member of OCW Security
Smith: How can this man remain employed?
Hood: Welcome to America, pal!
Smith: The only impressive feat displayed by our on-site GM was how that gun didn’t bother him in anyway.
Hood: Well he IS from Eastern Europe. Nuclear weapons are just lying around for kids to climb on and jump over.
Smith: I don’t think it’s that bad over there, Hood.
Hood: Oh believe me, I’ve seen youtube videos
Smith: Your sources are reliable as ever.
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following contest is scheduled for one fall. If Brianna Casablancas wins, she is one step closer to entering into the OCW Hall of Fame. If Debris wins, then he gets to induct Brianna Casablancas into the Hall of Fame…
Smith: This makes no sense, at all. Why are we wasting precious STARZ air time with this?
Hood: Shut up, don’t you realize a Hall of Fame spot is on the line here? This is the biggest match on the show!
Smith: Ha! Hardly
~The arena lights flicker. “Respect the Wind” by Van Halen begins to play. Debris walks out alone. His head is down. He’s not himself. He has no trash in his pockets. He trudges toward the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope. He remains laying on his back, in the middle of the ring, staring up at the ceiling, sighing heavily~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from a Motel along Tornado Alley…standing a reported 6’4 and weighing in at an unconfirmed weight of 265lbs….Debris!!!
Smith: Debris seems depressed
Hood: Yea, OCW hired a new cleaning crew so I don’t think there was much in the way of trash for him to find backstage.
Smith: I don’t think that’s the root of the issue. It probably has more to do with the fact that Vortex is no longer employed by OCW.
Hood: What, because of last week?
Smith: Indeed…something about him not being mentally stable enough to compete
Hood: That’s a first…for this place, anyway
~The lights go out. A loud BANG! Is heard. The lights return and Scott Syren dressed as Brianna Casablancas is standing in the middle of the ring. Liljungleman is sniffing the head of Debris. Debris rolls away and quickly gets to his feet. Liljungleman crouches near the side of Syren~
Belvedere: And his opponent…Scott…err…Brianna Casablancas!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Interesting entrance there by Scott Syren
Hood: Watching archived footage?
Smith: No, I’m commenting on what’s taking place, live
Hood: Well you must be crazy because I don’t see the greatest OCW wrestler that ever lived. I just see Brianna Casablanacas…but I will say that was a bitching entrance. Short, to the point…quite possibly the best entrance ever.
Smith: Some people enjoy entrances, Hood
Hood: Yea, weirdos.
Smith: I happen to think they are awe.some…those who enjoy entrances.
Hood: Ha, you would
Voice: Excuse me, gentlemen.
~An educated looking fellow takes a seat next to Hood with a headset over his head. Hood tries to push him away. But security steps in and reprimands Hood’s actions~
Hood: Who the fuck are you?
Voice: My name is Harold the OCW Historian. I’ve decided to come down and observe this match.
Smith: Harold, nice to meet you. How long have you been an OCW Historian?
Harold The Historian: For nearly twenty years, Smith.
Smith: Strange we’re just now hearing about you
Harold The Historian: Oh, haha, well you know us historians, we don’t really get out much.
~Belvedere exits the ring. Liljungleman follows him on the way out, sniffing his legs. Syren looks over at Debris who has tears in his eyes. Debris is a broken man~
Smith: So what brings you out of the dungeon, so to speak, Harold?
Harold The Historian: This Brianna Casablancas fiasco. There is a high probability that she will earn admittance into the OCW Hall of Fame and I simply can’t justify that, knowing OCW’s history like I do.
Hood: Hey, you got something against bitches?
Harold The Historian: Of course not, I was a huge proponent of MJ Bell being admitted into the Hall of Fame.
Smith: You guys do realize that isn’t Brianna Casablancas…
~Syren steps toward Debris. Scruff keeps his distance. Syren gently rubs the side of Debris’ face with the back of his hand. Debris pushes Syren away. Syren falls to the mat as though he’s been struck in the face with a metal iron or something. He is motionless~
Harold The Historian: It doesn’t matter…the contract states Brianna Casablancas…so that’s who’d go in. I just can’t sit by and let Brianna, as good as she was, get in over names like Jin Royale, Jason Stone, Slim Shady, The Incredible One, PerZag, Bob Grenier, Chad Vargas or Homeboy.
Hood: Fucking Homeboy?
Harold The Historian: What can I say, I was a fan.
Smith: Well you may not have a choice. Either ‘Brianna’ just suffered an aneurysm or she’s throwing the match.
Hood: I don’t know what’s worse…Brianna getting in or Debris giving the acceptance speech.
~Debris steps toward the body of Syren. It isn’t moving. He looks around. The crowd seems to be booing. The ‘effort’ is pissing them off…or, well, some of them. But most of them can’t stomach the idea of Debris picking up a win over Scott Syren…even if he’s in drag~
Harold The Historian: Somebody has got to stop this!
Hood: No shit, if Debris gets a win over Syren OCW may implode.
Smith: Syren? Did you just say Syren?
Hood: Brianna!! I MEANT Brianna.
Harold The Historian: Looks like I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands.
Smith: Is…is that a syringe?
Hood: Who the fuck is this guy, Dexter?
~Harold hops onto the apron. Debris continues to stand over Syren. He walks toward the ropes, preparing to bounce off them because, I guess he just can’t take the win without performing a move. Harold grabs him and injects the syringe directly into his neck line!! Debris staggers around before his legs give out. He falls to the mat, unconscious. Both Syren and Debris are flat on their backs. The crowd groans. Scruff begins a ten count~
Smith: HARRRRROOLLLD? You killed him!
Harold The Historian: I did no such thing. I simply gave him a medically induced nap.
Hood: Yea but you forgot one important detail. Scruff has learned to count in recent weeks.
Harold The Historian: Hmm, surprising. My historical records indicate he can only count up to eight.
Smith: Well we’ve witnessed him reach nine on more than one occasion in 2017.
Harold The Historian: Yikes…I did not account for that. Hmmm…
Hood: What do you do in that basement all day long?
Harold The Historian: Lately I’ve been searching for the lost records of OCW
Hood: We have lost records?
Harold The Historian: They were lost in the ruination of the great civilization known as Geocities.
Smith: I remember that place!
Hood: It was burned to the ground?
Harold The Historian: Sort of…some yahoos destroyed it. A lot of OCW history perished amidst the destruction. I’ve been attempting to locate…oh you know what, I need to step in here and fix this…he’s already up to seven.
~Scruff reaches eight. Harold enters into the ring. Scruff looks confused. Harold yells out “IT’S OKAY, I’M A CERTIFIED HISTORIAN.” He tries to drag Syren’s body by the arm but finds it impossible. So he turns to Debris. He drags Debris with minimal effort near Syren. He then places Syren’s arm over the chest of Debris and exits. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…BRIANNA CASABLANCAS!!!!!
Smith: Strangest match ever, possibly
Hood: Harold! Man, that was some quick thinking
Harold The Historian: Well, I am a historian
Hood: That doesn’t make any sense. Historians seem like they would be anything but quick thinkers. You guys are constantly thinking about shit that isn’t going anywhere or changing.
Harold The Historian: I find your remark to be short sighted and slightly offensive…therefore I shall take my leave. Gentlemen.
Hood: And just like that…the guy is HISTORY!
Smith: I can’t believe you ran him off…he could have taught us a lot.
Hood: History is lame, good riddance.
Smith: He did prevent ‘Brianna’ from entering the Hall of Fame
Hood: Well, I guess not ALL history is lame. Some of that roman shit was interesting
Smith: Right…well it appears as though Harold the Historian is going to be watching this development closely.
~Liljungleman crawls into the ring and pokes Syren in the cheek. Syren doesn’t respond. He pokes Syren in the eye. Syren backhands Liljungleman, knocking him over. He sits up and looks around as though he’s been interrupted during a very deep dream. He sees his hand on top of Debris’ chest and his name on the Tron. He yells “BLOODY HELL” in a very bad British accent and drills Debris in the face with a fist. It shatters his face, pretty much. Blood is everywhere. Syren gets to his feet and pulls down on his mini skirt~
Smith: ‘Brianna’ doesn’t appear too pleased with the win
Hood: At least she’s maintained her British ways…bloody hell and all.
Smith: That did not sound British.
Hood: I think Brianna is such a great doctor that she’s been able to hypnotize herself into a sleep like state…that explains why she was laying there in such peace…such tranquility.
Smith: No, I think you’re wrong. I think SCOTT SYREN is making a mockery of our business…yet again.
Hood: Scott Syren is on a beach somewhere…Brianna Casablancas is simply trying to get into the Hall of Fame.
Smith: Right, fine, we get it.
~Syren kicks Liljungleman in the head. He hops and leaps through the ropes, landing on all fours outside the ring. He gallops up the ramp way. Syren follows. A few extremely obese, strange looking men cat call and ask for autographs. Syren lifts his skirt a bit, displaying his bulge. They back away~
Smith: Ewww
Hood: CLASSIC BRIANNA, BABY
Smith: Folks, I don’t know what else to add here…so, when that happens, it’s best if we go…BACKSTAGE!
~We cut to the back stage area where we see Alice Knight listening to her ipod doing stretches in her ring gear. Next to her is a blanket draping over what looks to be a bird cage. On the bird cage is head phones as well connected to an ipod so whatever it is inside the 'cage' can listen to music as well. Who'Re can be seen walking from behind Alice. She gently taps Alice on the shoulder. Alice, frightened, turns around quickly with a fist in the air ready to pop Who'Re~
Who'Re- Sorry, Alice. Just wanted to get a quick word with you before your biggest match of your career. Are you ready for tonight? Are you ready for PerZag and Bob Grenier?
Alice- You know what, WHORE, I am... I am ready!
Who'Re(sighing)- It's actually pronounced WHO-RAH! I thought of all people you'd figure that out...
Alice- WHO.... RAH!!
Who'Re-YEP! That's it...
Alice- You know something WHObastank. Tonight is going to be a good night. I have a little something up my sleeve too. And it's currently listening to the Shining soundtrack in this cage as we speak.
Who'Re- You mean the owl you've been training? It's all over the dirt sheet wrestling websites.
Alice- You don't know it's an owl! And i bet Bob and Zaggy Stardust don't know either. But trust me, they will be surprised tonight. Because there's nothing in the rule books about what I'm going to do. Just like when i fought Roach. My secret weapon was my army of loyal ants. Tonight, I have recruited a new member to my army. It's going to be epic... Now if you excuse me, I have to feed her.
Who'Re- Actually we'd love to get footage of that...
Alice- No deal.
Who'Re- Oh come on, Alice...
~Alice begins flapping her arms and shouting HOOT HOOT HOOT at Who're until she runs off screen. Alice then digs into one of her cardboard boxes and pulls out a baby kitten. Alice pets it and gently walks over to the cage and goes under the blanket with the kitten as the cage begins to shake viciously. It cuts back to ring side~
Smith: It won't be long, Hood! The biggest match of 2017 is almost upon us!
Hood: Yes and Alice Knight is feeding kittens to owls. Perfect.
Smith: We aren't 100% sure that's what she was doing.
Hood: I am. Plus, talk about rude, Alice calling Who'Re WHORE...she has no shame.
Smith: But you...you're always...whatever. I can see you'll never give Alice any credit.
Hood: Obviously, I mean what rational person offers credit to a freakin bum? It's a terrible investment
Smith: Next up we've got...hold on...I'm being told something has just happened backstage. Let's take a look!
Hood: I hope the owl escaped and attacked Alice...that'd be great
~The cameras cut from the broadcast booth to the backstage area. A green room door is slightly ajar a few inches. All is shown is a pair of Doc Marten boots hanging out into the hallway. Belonging to someone obviously.~
Hood: Damn those are some fly boots!
Smith: Yeah they are nice, I us--- Wait a second Hood! Who’s feet are those? Someone appears to have gotten co-conked!
~The door slowly opens, identifying the owner of those boots as Mack Hollywood. Laid out, knocked completely unconscious.~
Hood: Looks like he’s got 2 black eyes to go along with those 2 black boots of his.
Smith: Someone get some paramedics back there!
~As if Smith telepathically summoned paramedics, OCW emergency personnel arrive to assist the injured Mack Hollywood.~
Hood: I hope Treat Cassidy didn’t pay him too much for his services. Jesus Christ I think I could of made a better head of security for him!
Smith: Treat Cassidy and his men are simply outnumbered, Hood. Don’t you have any sense? Someone or … a number of someone’s had to of done this to Mack. He carries a damn gun for cripes sakes!
Hood: Don’t bring a gun to a knife fight.
Smith: That’s not… OMG…
Hood: Why did you abbreviate oh my God as if you we’re texting someone?
Smith: … ANYWAY … Let’s hope that Mack Hollywood gets the treatment he deserves and resumes his duties as security as soon as possible!
Hood: Yeah. Here’s to hoping.
~Hood says with an eye roll.~
Smith: Tensions are running high between The Incredible One and Treat Cassidy...Mack Hollywood is laid out...
Hood: OR he OD'd on pain killers. That could have happened, just saying
Smith: No, that's ridiculous. Mack Hollywood has been laid out by The Incredible One and Knux, most likely. Treat Cassidy's dressing room has been demolished...all of this swirling around and now Mack O'Connor has to wrestle. Let's head down to ringside...
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall…
~”Tear Away” by Drowning Pool begins to play. Tatum Coe emerges. He waits…Annie Alvarez comes out next with the newly acquired Jack Puffer. They accompany Coe to the ring and watch as he hops onto the apron and steps through the ropes. He heads toward his corner and they remain on the outside, near his position~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Miami Beach, Florida…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 215lbs….Tatum Coe!!!
~”Vagabond” by the Greenskeepers begins to play. The crowd stands. Several begin to cheer. “BOO!” hits the tron. Larry the Superfan tries to work some boos into the cheers. It’s only slightly effective. O’Connor looks around, suspiciously…as though he’s anticipating some sort of attack. He gets to the ring and enters, quicker than usual~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Brooklyn, New York…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 230lbs…Mack O’Connor!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Mack O’Connor has his antenna up…he knows he’s a marked man after last week.
Hood: That or he’s been in one too many bar fights and has dementia…constantly trying to figure out where he is.
Smith: Yea, I don’t think that’s it
~Annie mentions something to Puffer. He walks across the ring, standing directly opposite of Annie and Coe. Mack eyes Puffer then turns his attention back on Coe and Annie~
Smith: And now he’s got this to deal with…I mean sure Puffer and Coe aren’t as fierce as The Incredible One, even if you combined the two…but with Alvarez out there, it adds up to a dangerous situation.
Hood: He should just play dead like Sy…err Brianna did.
Smith: Mack would do no such thing. He takes this business very seriously
Hood: Yea…maybe a little TOO seriously
Smith: Whatever that means
~Everyone turns to the entrance. Security makes their way down. Mack steps into the middle of the ring…he looks at the security and shakes his head. The crowd begins to boo~
Smith: What is this?
Hood: Mack’s life must be endangered…they are down here to ensure that nothing tragic happens to the former champion.
Smith: Or they could be down here to punish him for last week
Hood: They already did that…they booked him against Tatum Coe
~Mack extends his arms, trying to figure out what the deal is. Coe rushes up behind Mack and kicks him in the kidney. Mack staggers to the side, holding the afflicted area. Coe shoves him, violently, front first into a corner. Mack hits hard and staggers backwards. Coe kicks him in the back of the knee. Mack’s base loosens. Coe grabs him by the head and drops him with an inverted DDT. Coe pops to his feet and yells at Puffer, “That’s how it’s done!” Alvarez claps from the outside, approvingly~
Smith: Fast start by Coe…thanks in part to all the distractions.
Hood: Man talk about a fucking let down…if Mack loses tonight.
Smith: It would be deflating
Hood: Have you ever slept on an air mattress that was slowly deflating? Shit hurts, man
Smith: Irrelevant line of dialogue, Hood. Let’s move on
~Coe yanks Mack to his feet. He whips Mack into the corner. Annie backs away. Coe charges in and goes for a big splash. Mack moves and Coe’s chest slams into the top turnbuckle. He staggers out and Mack head butts him!! Coe falls to the mat. Mack runs into the opposing corner and crouches, getting ready to attack. Coe staggers to his feet. Mack starts to charge but Puffer grabs his foot!! Mack falls to the mat, face first. The crowd boos as Annie claps and cheers Puffer’s actions~
Smith: The deck is stacked against Mack
Hood: Mack’s back is against the wall
Smith: It would be nice if somebody had Mack’s back
Hood: This shit is whack, if you’re Mack
Smith: Okay, that’s enough
Hood: Hey, be cool, jack…we’re just talkin about Mack
~Coe staggers toward the fallen O’Connor. He tries to grab O’Connor by the hair but realizes he has none…so he grabs his ear. He pulls Mack to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Coe throws a spinning heel kick. Mack stops, catches him and tosses him with a capture suplex!! Coe lands hard near the ropes…his head is lying underneath the bottom rope. Annie rushes over and taps him on the cheek, working on reviving Coe~
Smith: Annie really is trying to revive the careers of Puffer and Coe
Hood: Literally!
Smith: Yes, I guess she literally is working on revival
Hood: LITERALLY!
~Mack drags Coe into the middle of the ring. He steps back as Coe rolls onto his stomach and then gets on all fours. Mack sprints forward and drives a knee into the side of Coe’s head!! Coe falls over, onto his back. Mack goes for a cover, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Tatum Coe isn’t done yet…but it’s near closing time
Hood: What’s your favorite closing time song, Smith?
Smith: I wouldn’t know…I usually leave bars before it gets dark, after enjoying an ice cold sarsaparilla.
Hood: Geezus why would you admit that on air?
Smith: I don’t see anything wrong with it
~Mack gets to his feet and he signals to the crowd. They give him a loud, positive response. Puffer hops on the apron. O’Connor rushes over and drills him in the face with a forearm. Puffer falls to the ground. Annie hops on the apron across the ring. Coe is climbing to his feet. Mack rushes over there and he grabs Annie by the hair. She yells. Coe runs up and knees Mack in the kidney, again. This pisses Mack off. He turns around and slugs Coe in the jaw. Coe’s knees buckle. Mack then hits Coe with a Stunner to the temple!~
Smith: Hollow Point, Hood! We haven’t seen that in awhile
Hood: Knee a man in the kidneys once, fine…knee a man in the kidney’s twice, you’ve stepped OVER the line.
Smith: The kidney is a valuable organ
Hood: Especially for a guy like Mack who, unlike some weirdo sitting next to me, hangs out at the bar until closing time.
~Coe doesn’t drop. He falls into the ropes…ricochets back to a standing position and into Mack’s waiting grasp. Mack lifts him up and drills him into the mat with Claymore (Rock Bottom with both arms hooked)! Coe is out. Annie hops off the apron, disappointed. Mack makes the cover~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…MACK O’CONNOR!!!!!
Smith: Great comeback win for Mack O’Connor! He had to overcome some tough odds but that’s what champions do.
Hood: Yea but he’s got bigger problems in his immediate future. We all know The Incredible One is looking for him…well, here he is.
Smith: Yea, I’m surprised we didn’t see a run in during the match
Hood: That’s because Puffer was out here. A scientist recently theorized that shitty wrestling can be contagious. So, I don’t think The Incredible One wanted to risk getting infected.
Smith: That’s ridiculous
~Annie and Puffer pull Coe out of the ring. They help him up the ramp way as Mack continues to play toward the crowd. They exit through the curtain~
Smith: They got out of here fast
Hood: No shit, man. Mack’s like a dude with a gashed leg swimming out in the middle of an Australian coastline. Would you want to be within a hundred feet of that fucker?
Smith: I don’t swim in the ocean
Hood: For fuck’s sake man, just play along.
Smith: I wouldn’t want to be near anyone with a gashed leg, Hood. I hate blood
Hood: Wow, you’re something, man…you know that, right?
~ The referee has O’Connor’s hand raised, the crowd cheering. Head of security, Barry Man is Low receives a notice in his ear piece. He then motions toward the rest of his team. In an ominous, sketchy act all of OCW’s security exits from ringside, leaving Mack all alone~
Smith: Where are they going?
Hood: Their job is done. They were just making sure that masked assassin wasn’t in the arena looking to put a bullet in Mack’s bald head.
Smith: What masked assassin?
Hood: I don’t know…but, rest assured, they were out here for Mack’s BENEFIT. Now that the match is over, no need for them.
Smith: I think you’re wrong about that…this feels…almost like a setup
~A ruckus begins in the crowd, as the Incredible One charges through to the ring, and smashes O’Connor in the back of the head with the Paradigm Championship~
Hood: Thank god!
Smith: I knew it! Of course Incredible had to ruin this. He ruins everything.
Hood: You’re joking right? Mack attacked Mister Incredible not once, but twice, unprovoked. He had this coming.
~TIO turns O’Connor onto his back and begins to unload punches into his face as the crowd turns and boos heavily. TIO spits in O’Connor’s face before picking him up and cross chopping him in the chest multiple times, causing him to stagger into a corner. TIO stomps his stomach as O’Connor sits down, exhausted from this beat down. TIO backs off a little to swear at the crowd, take his shirt off and wait for O’Connor to get up. He has his Paradigm Championship in his hand, looking to smash it into O’Connor’s head again but is interrupted by “Needle and the Spoon” by Lynyrd Skynyrd~
Hood: No! This is not acceptable!
Smith: Here comes Chad Vargas for some revenge!
~TIO’s focus is fixated on the ramp as Vargas’ music plays. The crowd is ready for this encounter after last week’s instant classic. Vargas comes out after a few moments and starts to slowly head down the ramp, his injuries from last week showing. TIO grinds his teeth, waiting for him to get to the ring but having forgot about Mack. O’Connor comes back to life and spears TIO to the ground, the crowd exploding. O’Connor now trades blows with TIO while Vargas hurries up to the ring. The two of them now start double teaming on TIO but soon Knux comes running down from the back to even the odds~
Smith: An absolute brawl has broken out in the middle of the ring.
Hood: Shut up! This is exciting. *eats popcorn*
Smith: Hey, where’d you get that popcorn?
Hood: That five year old didn’t look like he needed anymore…I’m just trying to curb this nation’s obesity issue.
~Knux rolls into the ring and goes after Vargas but Vargas scratches Knux’s eyes, reaches into his pocket and then hits the big man with the Knoxville Knuckle Fuck! Knux busts open, bleeding as Vargas then clothesline the seven foot bodyguard over the top rope! O’Connor picks a winded TIO and lets Vargas hit him with the Stroke! The crowd goes nuts as Vargas picks TIO up and allows O’Connor to hit him with the Claymore rock bottom! The two of them pick TIO back up one last time and throw him over the top rope, landing atop of Knux~
Hood: This is utter horse shit.
Smith: Finally, The Incredible One has been throwing his weight around for weeks and Mack O’Connor and Chad Vargas stuck it to him!
Hood: But this isn’t fair! Mr. Incredible is supposed to have his title celebration later.
Smith: Might want to check out the ring, looks like it isn’t going to happen…
~A bloodied Knux picks up TIO and begins to take him to the back while O’Connor and Vargas celebrate in the ring. O’Connor notices TIO’s Paradigm title laying in the ring, he picks it up and hoists it in the air, the crowd cheering for the image. TIO notices this and begins to curse and scream, wanting to go back to the ring but Knux stops him and takes him to the back. The camera cuts to commentary~
Smith: Retribution!! Revenge! More words that begin with R! This is great!
Hood: This is HIDEOUS. That man wins the Paradigm Championship in a grueling encounter one week ago and he has to put up with this? A jealous loser in Vargas and a jealous underwhelming OCW Champion in Mack O’Connor…fucking hell
Smith: If it were anybody else, I’d speculate that the celebration might be cancelled after that but…
Hood: Mr. Incredible is no ordinary man
Smith: When it comes to ego, you are correct. He’s not cancelling a celebration in his honor…I just wonder what’s going to be done about preventing another attack?
Hood: Oh the genius that is the Eastern European will think of something
Smith: Speak of the man, I hear something is going on backstage…let’s have a look!
~EE is yelling at security~
Eastern European: Why you leave? Look what happen? Why you leave? You suppose to protect Mr Incredible One! Why you leave?
Barry Man is Low: Umm, because you told us to leave.
Eastern European: That no excuse. I want double security during celebration party!
~TIO stumbles into view with the bloodied Knux behind him~
The Incredible One: Nah, screw that. I don’t want any security around the ring for my celebration. If those two idiots want to run down there…I say let them come. We’ll be ready.
~TIO heads off. EE looks confused~
Eastern European: We? Who is this we?
Barry Man is Low: Soooo…do you want my security team out there or not? I’m totally confused.
Eastern European: Get out my face! Go eat food or drink. I call if you needed!
~EE heads into his office and slams the door. The security guard motions toward his team and they take their leave~
Hood: The Incredible One is a REAL man. He doesn't want a bunch of security guarding the ring during his celebration like Mack O'Connor requested during his match with Coe.
Smith: I don't think Mack requested that line of security. I think it was the Eastern European's attempt at preventing any tomfoolery from Treat Cassidy during Mack's match
Hood: Tomfoolery, huh? Well I'm glad we didn't see any tomfoolery..that shit sounds horrible
Smith: My theory is backed up by the fact they quickly vanished moments before The Incredible One appeared through the crowd. It was a faux pas attempt to appear as though security is concerned with Treat's clients.
Hood: I guess...but man, this situation is headed somewhere. This isn't over...that celebration is gonna be wild, man.
Smith: I would be shocked if we didn't see some type of altercation. The Incredible One and Treat Cassidy aren't going to stop until one destroys the other.
~We cut backstage where The Dravers Boys are on their PS4 playing a wrestling game. The boys are bored~
Jonathan: Wouldn’t it be great if we were in a video game?
Nathan: We are. We created ourselves on here like, half hour ago!
Jonathan: No, I mean properly. Not some weird custom creator crap…Man, I’m bored. Fancy grabbing some food?
~Nathan feels his stomach grumble~
Nathan: Yeah…
~The twins turn off their PS4 and head out the door~
Jonathan: So it’s been a while since you texted Who’Re, right?
Nathan: I texted her at Alice’s party. She was gonna come but uh… ‘washing her hair’, apparently so couldn’t make it in time. So how’s uh… what’s-her-face? The waitress chick?
Jonathan: Wendy.
Nathan: Right. Wendy.
Jonathan: She’s cool. She’s coming to the show in a few weeks…
~Almost at the nearby Burger stand the lads notice a familiar face as they turn the corner. It’s ‘The Demon’ Lance Savage~
Jonathan: Well, well… look who it is Nathan! It’s Mr. Savage… how are you?
Savage: Well, better than you two. Especially when Stevenson and I take those titles off of you.
Nathan: Woah… easy big guy… look…actually we were hoping to run into you.
Jonathan: Yeah, we know you’re not the olive branch kind of man, but humor a couple of kids from Denver, eh?
Nathan: We’ve been thinking… we all need to make sure we’re all prepared for our match for our belts right? So how about we hang out for a bit?
~The twins smile broadly as Savage stands still, showing no facial expression, whatsoever~
Jonathan: Relax man… look… you’ve got to make sure your eyes and…eye. Sorry. And fingers are in working order so… how about a game on the PS4? What do you say big guy?
~Jonathan, perhaps rather stupidly slaps Savage on the back as he listens~
Savage: Sure. I will happily beat you again, and again, and again.
~With Jonathan and Nathan sighing at Savage, they turn around to walk back to their locker room, this time with Lance Savage following them at a distance away, watching them, suspiciously. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Alright, so the twins are going to play video games with a man who calls himself The Demon…interesting tag title situation we’ve got going on here.
Hood: Not really…I say we strip The Dravers and give the titles to Brianna and Liljungleman
Smith: Umm, no. Just because those boys enjoy video games and camaraderie doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy champions. I for one think the eventual Dravers…
Hood: Dravers versus SEWAGE match, go on, say it
Smith: That is NOT their name. The Drew Stevenson, Lance Savage team against The Dravers will be one hell of a match up. It’s nice to see everyone on the same page and a team able to wait in the wings while everything sets up.
Hood: Whatever…hey, did you hear he text the whore and she didn’t show up?
Smith: I find that hard to believe. She seemed really into him!
Hood: I’m beginning to think The Dravers run a carnival as a side gig
Smith: Why’s that?
Hood: Well I mean they are buddying up with whores, one eyed men, waitresses, Alice Knight…it’s a total freak show.
Smith: I see what you did there and I don’t appreciate it. The Dravers are just friendly, is all. I hope they enjoy a long and successful tag title reign! But, let’s get back to business. The first of two epic matches is set to take place as three competitors battle it out for a #1 Contenders spot in an upcoming Savage Championship Match. Let's head down to ringside!
Rebel (3-0) vs. ‘The Emerald’ Drew Stevenson (1-0) vs. ‘The True Living Vampire’ Robert Morbidus (1-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen the following match is a triple threat. It will be conducted under hardcore rules. The winner of this match will receive a shot at the OCW Savage Championship.
~ The arena goes dark, then flashes blood red...Mr Judas then walks out first showing off his prodigy - Robert Morbidus. He walks through the curtain, looks around with absolute disdain at the audience. He then powers down to the ring, focused on the task at hand~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from The Other Side of Darkness…standing 6’6 and weighing in at 275lbs…’The True Living Vampire’ Robert Morbidus!!!
~ The arena lights suddenly just shut off consuming the arena into complete darkness. The sudden engulfing of a massive bright spotlight shines down onto the entry area, the fans try looking through it but it is far too bright to see through it with the naked eye. Suddenly, the public address sound system comes on playing "The Man" by Aloe Blacc as the stage is still engulfed in the massive light. After a few seconds, the spotlight begins fading away and the arena lights return to life as there stands Drew Stevenson with his hands on his hips just looking out nodding as these fans boo him heavily, he just begins walking down the aisle sporting his usual attire which consists of dark green wrestling pants, dark green knee pads, boots and his hands taped up in dark green tape as well. He begins walking down the aisle until he gets down to the ring, he quickly rolls into the ring from under the bottom rope immediately getting back to his feet just pacing the ring simply awaiting for the bell to ring thus getting this match underway~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Kansas City, Missouri…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 250lbs…’The Emerald’ Drew Stevenson!!!
~ The lights around the arena turn to red as the opening strains of "Slow Me Down" by the Devin Townsend Band play out, the lights flicker red and white. The camera swoops down to the entrance to show the silhouette of a man, his back turned to the camera, with his left hand raised in a fist above his head, the lights all suddenly burst on as a huge explosion rocks the arena. Rebel rotates quickly, pumping his fist at his side as he does, he begins the walk down to the ring, reaching out periodically to shake hands with the fans. He jumps up onto the ring apron and turns quickly, his arms wrapped around the top rope, again he pumps his left fist in the air then hops over the top rope. He walks around the ring, his fist raised, then stops in the middle, a bank of red fireworks sweep across the side of the ring behind him~
Belvedere: And the third and final participant…from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’7 and weighing in at 240lbs…Rebel!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: You okay, Hood?
Hood: Man all those blinking lights during the entrances nearly gave me a seizure. I’m good though…let’s see some hardcore action!
Smith: Not sure how much hardcore action there’s going to be…apparently Drew Stevenson is willing to do everything in his power to keep this match clean.
Hood: Talk about ruining the sport
~Morbidus stares at Drew. Drew puts his hands up in an innocuous manner. Rebel takes a step forward. Morbidus turns his attention to Rebel. Rebel hesitates, gauging the situation. Morbidus takes a step toward Rebel. Rebel sways back, just an inch. He reacts in anger. His head shakes back and forth and he yells, “Nah, fuck this.” And he goes right after Morbidus! He pummels Morbidus with lefts and rights! The big man is unaccustomed to this straight forward approach. He stumbles and fumbles into the corner as Rebel, a big man himself, continues to drill him with lefts and rights. Drew, meanwhile, leans in a corner and observes the action with a smile of approval~
Smith: Morbidus had Rebel backing up…for just an instant. But, then Rebel realized what he was doing and returned to form.
Hood: It’s a slippery slope, Smith.
Smith: What is?
Hood: Facing Morbidus…I mean if he really IS The True Living Vampire, which I fucking doubt because this isn’t horror night on AMC…then attacking him could pose some serious problems. However, if he’s a fraud…well then he’s just some gay ass larper…and we know how easy it is to beat those guys up.
Smith: Do you bully Larpers, Hood?
Hood: Not as much as I’d like
~Morbidus begins to slouch in the corner as the barrage from Rebel was unexpected and proving to be highly effective. Rebel hesitates and delivers his biggest right fist yet. Morbidus’ arms slip from the top rope and he falls with them catching the middle. He appears dazed. Mr. Judas tries talking to him, sensing trouble. Drew suddenly rushes up behind Rebel, seeing a window of opportunity. He hooks Rebel in a Full Nelson and tosses him over his head with a Full Nelson Suplex!!! Rebel lands right on his head and grabs his neck in pain! Drew pops to his feet and shows off for the crowd. They boo him vociferously~
Smith: I don’t like it…but a smart, veteran move by The Emerald
Hood: Yea man, just let these two big guys beat the shit out of each other and then sneak in for the victory…sounds good to me. Work smarter, not harder…
Smith: Well I’m not a fan.
Hood: Of course not, because you’d be a pawn on the chess board with your ‘bravado’
Smith: A pawn?!
~Drew stomps on Rebel’s head. He stomps it twice. He’s taking his time, soaking in the toxic atmosphere. Morbidus rises to his feet. Drew, in his arrogance, doesn’t notice Morbidus. Morbidus comes up from behind and leans near Drew’s neckline. Drew jumps back and stares at Morbidus with wide eyes. He staggers against the ropes and Morbidus charges in, clotheslining Drew over the top rope! Drew lands harshly on the outside~
Smith: Interesting method of distraction
Hood: Okay I REALLY hope that guy is a vampire
Smith: Really? Do you know how dangerous that would be?
Hood: Well, he’s either a vampire or he was trying to seduce Drew
Smith: Mind games, Hood
~Drew slides against the barricade. He holds his lower back in slight discomfort. He appears content with waiting outside for a few moments. Morbidus stares down at him, angrily. Rebel staggers to his feet. Morbidus turns around and eats a boot to the face!! Morbidus staggers into a corner. Rebel charges in with a splash! He backs away, allowing Morbidus to drunkenly stagger toward him. Morbidus does, Rebel boots him in the gut, grabs his head and drops him with a Swinging Neck Breaker!!! The crowd jumps to their feet with chants of “Rebel! Rebel!”~
Smith: Nice bounce back by Rebel…he’s showing tremendous fortitude
Hood: Dude, he ate ONE suplex. You act like the guy was shot with a gun.
Smith: I don’t think I was THAT over the top
Hood: Oh yes you were, trust me, I’m sitting right next to you
~Rebel pulls Morbidus to his feet, using his quickness and stamina as an advantage against the more laborious Morbidus. He whips Morbidus into the ropes, Rebel darts the other way…both men bounce off the ropes and Rebel meets Morbidus in the middle of the ring with a flying forearm!!! Morbidus hits the mat and lays there for a moment. In the background, Stevenson is spotted climbing onto the apron. He hurries up the nearest corner. Rebel turns, hearing the fans pointing and yelling at Drew. Rebel faces Drew and is nailed with a Double Axe Handle to the forehead!!! Rebel falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring~
Smith: The crafty veteran picking his spot, yet again
Hood: Look, I get this Rebel guy is ultra-talented…but experience counts for something, Smith.
Smith: What about Morbidus?
Hood: I guess it just depends on what they teach out there in the other side of darkness.
Smith: Dark stuff, you think?
Hood: I would imagine…but how dark? And how dark is too dark?
Smith: I don’t really think it matters, Hood
~Drew turns toward Morbidus. He grabs him by the hair and yanks the big man to his feet. Morbidus chops Drew’s arm at the bend, forcing a break. He reaches out and grabs Drew around the throat. He lifts Drew up and drills him into the mat with a chokeslam!!! Drew hits hard and begins coughing~
Smith: Wow, unexpected and quick offense by Robert Morbidus!
Hood: He must smell blood!!
Smith: I’m not sure where to go with that…
~Rebel reaches his feet on the outside. Morbidus pulls Drew back to his, inside the ring. He whips Drew into the ring. Drew bounces off…Morbidus puts his head down. Drew kicks Morbidus in the face. Morbidus backs against the ropes with Rebel right behind him, on the outside. Drew hits the ropes against and sprints toward Morbidus. Morbidus ducks again, this time without telegraphing it so much…he lifts Drew over the top rope and to the outside! Rebel catches him and powerbombs him to the floor!! Drew goes limp as Rebel staggers back against the barricade~
Smith: That’s the type of move that could end someone’s night…even a wrestler as accomplished as Drew Stevenson.
Hood: No shit, I think they call that the “get the fuck out of my bar”
Smith: I’ve never heard it called that…as a matter of fact, not sure I’ve ever seen that particular move before.
Hood: Oh I’ve seen it hundreds of times on some of those Hungarian wrestling tapes I traded for back in the sixties. It was a favorite spot of theirs.
Smith: I don’t believe a word of that gibberish
~Rebel straights up. Morbidus steps through the ropes. Rebel steps over the body of Stevenson and grabs Morbidus by the legs. He picks him up in a spinebuster like position…Morbidus leans forward and bites the forehead of Rebel. Rebel drops Morbidus. Morbidus knees Rebel in the stomach. Drew is laying between them. Morbidus shoves Rebel into the barricade and steps over Drew with a big boot attempt. Rebel dodges the boot and Morbidus gets caught with barricade crotching him! He stands there, for a moment, wincing in pain. Rebel runs up from behind and hits him with a clubbing forearm. Morbidus leans over, toward the ringside area. Rebel grabs him by the head, lifts him up and drops him with a suplex onto the body of Drew at ringside. The fans cheer loudly, approving of Rebel’s offense~
Smith: Rebel in total control…you’d have to say he’s the favorite at this point with Drew, well, currently polling last
Hood: I don’t know why he HAD to suplex that Bela Lugosi rip off on top of The Emerald. Talk about a dick move.
Smith: I’m not sure he was fully aware of Drew’s positioning. It’s the flow of the match, Hood. They just do things.
Hood: Oh, he was aware…he did the ole shifty eye before dropping Morbidus on Drew. He’s a sneaky fucker, that Rebel guy.
~Rebel pulls Morbidus to his feet and goes to ram Morbidus into the ring post. Morbidus grabs the pole and prevents any skull on metal contact. He elbows Rebel in the chest. He then elbows Rebel in the gut. Rebel lets go. Morbidus holds onto Rebel’s right arm and maneuvers over the steps…he then yanks Rebel forward, smashing Rebel’s frame into the post! Rebel staggers to the side, holding his right shoulder in pain. Morbidus rushes around the steps. He picks Rebel up and spears him into the barricade!! Drew, meanwhile has rolled out of harm’s way and is seated up, against the ring steps, clutching his abdomen in pain~
Smith: Drew is a careful spectator right now, just trying to stay out of the way of these two large, angry men.
Hood: Yea, he’s like Frightened Japanese Resident #152 in a Godzilla versus Mothra flick.
Smith: Which one is Godzilla?
Hood: I’d go with Morbidus…because Mothra could fly and Rebel does enjoy his 450 splash.
Smith: Indeed
~Morbidus grabs Rebel and whips him toward the steps. Drew’s eyes widen and he quickly darts out of the way. Rebel’s knees hit the steps and he sommersaults over them, landing roughly on the other side. Rebel’s body lands right in the middle of Drew’s escape path. So, he takes the time to stop and stomp on Rebel a bit. Morbidus sneaks up behind Drew. Drew turns around and Morbidus punches him in the face. Drew staggers over Rebel and rushes around the ring, creating some distance~
Smith: Hit and run strategy for Drew…can’t say I’m a fan of this type of cowardice.
Hood: Are you calling the late Muhammad Ali a coward?
Smith: I certainly am not!
Hood: Rope a Dope was kind of the same thing, was it not?
Smith: Please, you can’t even compare the two.
Hood: Pssh…calling Muhammad Ali a coward…AND during the month of February…you unimaginable bastard.
Smith: Thanks, now I feel the need to apologize.
~Morbidus steps over Rebel and looks to be in slow pursuit of Drew. Drew hops over the steps and back pedals across the side of the ring, looking at Morbidus through the ropes. He backs into Mr. Judas. Drew turns around and looks ready to fire a fist into the face of Mr. Judas. Mr Judas simply smiles. Drew maneuvers Mr. Judas out of the way and continues walking, over another set of steps, placing the entire ring between he and Morbidus. Rebel gets to his feet. Mr. Judas makes eye contact with Morbidus and nods in the direction of Rebel. Morbidus turns around and greets a staggering Rebel with a head butt! Rebel backs into the ring post and leans against it. Morbidus goes for another head butt, but Rebel ducks and Morbidus rings the post with his skull~
Smith: Well, that back fired
Hood: Is that post made of garlic?
Smith: By the smell of things, no
Hood: So what’s the big fucking deal? He should be fine, right?
Smith: I honestly don’t know at this point
~Morbidus is shaken, but not stirred. Rebel gets to his feet and goes back to back with Morbidus. He lifts him up for a Razor’s Edge. He drops Morbidus onto the apron!!! The thud echoes throughout the arena as fans at ringside wince. Rebel rolls Morbidus into the ring. Rebel hops onto the apron and slingshots over the top rope with a Senton. He then goes for the cover as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: Kick out by The True Living Vampire
Hood: Where’s all the hardcore violence? I mean, I know they’ve used the post a little but, shit…this is a far cry from the awesomeness of Supreme Machine’s title reign.
Smith: Well Drew Stevenson did kind of vilify that type of behavior…maybe the words sank in
Hood: I like Drew and all but, c’mon, man. Maybe I can find some barbed wire and wrap it around the ropes…just to, you know, add some color to this affair
Smith: You remain seated, Hood!
~Rebel gets to his feet and runs into the ropes. He bounces off and goes for another Senton…Morbidus gets his feet up and they cram into the kidneys of Rebel. Rebel rolls off and winces, reaching for his back. Morbidus sits up and methodically reaches a standing position. He picks Rebel up and whips him into the ropes. Drew hops onto the apron and pulls down on the top rope. Rebel tips over and spills onto the floor. The crowd boos. Drew hops off the apron with a double foot stomp into the chest of Rebel! Rebel curls up, wincing in pain~
Smith: Another crafty move by Stevenson…he’s barely in the match, yet a major factor.
Hood: That’s called being smart, Smith.
Smith: But even if Rebel is down, he’s still got to deal with Morbidus
Hood: Maybe he could just do a cross symbol with his arms, would that work?
Smith: I doubt it
~Drew puts the boots to Rebel. Morbidus watches from inside the ring. Drew keeps looking back at Morbidus to make sure he isn’t descending toward him. Drew lifts himself up using the barricade as a base and he drops a leg across the throat of Rebel. Morbidus steps through the ropes and hops down. Drew gets to his feet and backs away with his hands up. Morbidus stalks him around the ring~
Smith: Uh oh, Morbidus is after Drew now!
Hood: Ah crap…grab a chair, Drew!
Smith: That goes against his nature, Hood.
Hood: Here, I’ll offer him your chair. Hey, Drew! Over here, I’ve got a chair for ya!
Smith: Get your filthy hands off my chair!
~Drew backs into Mr. Judas again. He turns around and rolls his eyes saying “You again?” This time, however, Morbidus is right behind him. He grabs Drew by the back of the neck and slams him, face first into the apron!! Drew grabs his face and stumbles toward the ramp. Morbidus grabs him from behind and drops him with an Atomic Drop!! Drew falls atop the ramp, clutching his backside in pain~
Smith: Morbidus has finally caught up with The Emerald!
Hood: Damnit…why did our psycho on site GM put a purist like Drew in a match like this?
Smith: Because he doesn’t think. I mean, seriously, it’s like he just switched the Paradigm and Savage titles…the Paradigm match featured two of the most savage wrestlers in OCW history and now this Savage contenders match features a purist like Drew Stevenson. Not to mention the Ascension Title. Drew is green…and we all know green is associated with the Ascension title
Hood: Drew Stevenson is a Martian?
Smith: That’s not what I meant!
~Morbidus heads toward the front row. Larry the OCW Superfan stands up and motions for fans to take a step back. Mr. Judas approaches and reaches into the crowd, he takes Larry’s chair and hands it to Morbidus. He doesn’t say anything, but the message is conveyed. Morbidus walks toward the ring and slides the chair in, underneath the bottom rope. He goes for Stevenson. Morbidus picks Stevenson up and drags him to the apron. He hurls Stevenson into the ring and slides in behind him. Morbidus grabs the chair with one hand and Stevenson with the other. He whips Stevenson into the ropes and pulls the chair back, ready to drill him in the head. Stevenson wraps his arms around the top rope before he can bounce off and comes to a stop. He falls to the mat and slides out of the ring. The fans boo as Stevenson takes a walk while keeping an eye on Morbidus~
Smith: I have to hand it to Stevenson…he’s got tremendous instincts.
Hood: Is it really instinct to know that you don’t want to get hit in the face with a chair being wielded by a giant man pretending to be a vampire?
Smith: It is if he’s slightly dazed and confused.
Hood: True, at that point he’s just L-I-V-I-N
~Morbidus lowers the chair and walks toward the ropes, looking down at Stevenson. Rebel slides in behind Morbidus. Mr. Judas yells into the ring. Morbidus turns around and catches Rebel in the act of stalking. Rebel stops, seeing the chair and calculating the odds. He pauses, waiting to see what Morbidus is going to do. Morbidus reaches back with the chair. Drew hops onto the apron and grabs the chair, trying to prevent any hardcore action from taking place~
Smith: What’s he doing?
Hood: He’s the purist, Smith…Mr. Anti-Hardcore…he’s trying to preserve our great sport!
Smith: Well he’s tying Morbidus up and ruining the theme of this division.
Hood: It’s enlightenment, Smith. Drew is here to bring us out of the dark ages.
~Morbidus rips the chair away. Drew stumbles, but holds onto the ropes. Rebel takes advantage. He kicks Morbidus in the gut and takes the chair away. He drills Morbidus in the head with it!! He hits Morbidus again and again and again! Morbidus falls to his knees. Rebel hits him again and again and again and again. Morbidus falls over. Rebel hits him again and again and again and again. The chair is bent at a near ninety degree angle. He looks at it as the crowd chants “Rebel! Rebel!”~
Smith: Holy smokes! He just hit Morbidus like 12 times with that chair!
Hood: There’s a cheaper by the dozen joke in there somewhere
Smith: Please, spare us
~Drew sneaks in and tries to take the chair from Rebel. Rebel pulls back. Drew kicks Rebel in the gut and picks Rebel up, drilling him with an Arn Anderson style spinebuster (HT3: Heir to the Throne)!! Rebel drops the chair as he hits the mat. Drew kicks it out of the ring as though it were abhorrent. He then covers Morbidus and Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings and Stevenson pops to his feet in triumph. Scruff raises his hand~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND THE #1 CONTENDER FOR THE OCW SAVAGE CHAMPIONSHIP…”THE EMERALD” DREW STEVENSON!!!!!
Smith: I have to feel as though Drew stole this one away from Rebel
Hood: Fuck off, he won fair and square. I mean, if you look at it from MY perspective, the proper perspective, you’d have to say Drew was by far the better man.
Smith: Why, because he hid and ran most of the match?
Hood: No, because he didn’t resort to cheap tactics like chairs and whatever the hell else.
Smith: Agree to disagree…it doesn’t really matter, he won and he will face an opponent to be named for the OCW Savage Championship.
Hood: Man, things are shaping up nicely, aren’t they? The Incredible One is the Paradigm Championship and Drew Stevenson is looking like our next Savage Champion. Now, if only we could do something about that main event…
Smith: There’s still hope for a champion we can be proud of
~We cut outside the arena, AKB’s hangout spot…and, coincidentally where all new signees seem to magically appear. An anxious Who’Re is pacing, looking at her phone. AKB has two cigarettes in his mouth, smoking them simultaneously. He looks at her through his shades and tilts his head. He removes one and speaks with the other bouncing around his lips~
AKB: C’mon, take one. I feel like I’ve got a major nicotine problem smoking two at once.
~She tosses her hand angrily in his direction~
Who’Re: I said no, Alpha! I’m trying to quit smoking…you know that.
~AKB stuffs the second in his mouth. He then takes turns puffing from them. One will turn orange, then the other…smoke will fly out of one side of his mouth, than the other. He looks like some kind of weird steam engine. Who’Re stomps her clear high heeled shoe into the gravel. AKB laughs. She looks his way, slumps her shoulders, reaches out and grabs one of the smokes. She puffs away, killing nearly half of it with one inhale~
AKB: That’s why it’s called falling off the wagon, I suppose.
~Her eyes narrow and her voice gathers copious amounts of scorn~
Who’Re: Shut up.
Who’Re: Okay, so you haven’t heard from the boys. Big fucking deal…
Who'Re: You're sure you didn't get anything from them when you were fixing my phone the other night? I heard that was the night of the big Alice Knight party.
AKB: Not a thing. Looks like they partied with Alice and not you. I wouldn't worry about it, though.
Who’Re: You think rejection is fun?
Who’Re: I do when it’s from someone you shouldn’t sweat. Okay, here, try this out. I’ll toss you a Dravers pick up line.
Who’Re: Alpha, I’m really not in the mood…
Who’Re: Hold on, let me shrink my voice into a pre-pubescent squeal. How's this? Sound better?
Who’Re: *giggling* stop it, they don’t sound like that.
AKB: *maintaining mocked voice* Hey, baby…we are so compatible that we go together like copy and paste!
~AKB clears his throat, bringing masculinity back into his vocal chords. There is a silence as Who’Re just kind of deadpans him~
Who’Re: That was awful.
AKB: Exactly! That’s something those two daytime television viewers would come up with. Now, check this pick up line out. *clears throat, deepens voice to a ridiculous degree* Let me ask you something…if I had five oranges in one hand and five pears in the other…what would I have?
~Who’Re sucks at math, therefore looks really puzzled. She takes a drag off her cigarette, exhales and gives the only answer she can conjure~
Who’Re: Alpha, I haven’t the slightest idea…
AKB: Massive Hands
~There is a slight pause. AKB lowers his shades and does an over the top wink while showing off his hands. Who’Re laughs and tosses her cigarette to the ground. She kills it under her very stripper like heel and walks up to AKB. Suddenly, Annie Alvarez, Jack Puffer, and Tatum Coe round the corner. AKB shoves Who’Re out of the way and he rushes up to the OCW veterans~
Tatum Coe: Ugh, again? Please, no press…we’ve got business to take care of
AKB: I was looking to get a word in with whoever this is…
~AKB looks Annie up and down. Annie rolls her eyes and nods at Puffer. Puffer steps in and grabs AKB by the collar of his black shirt~
Jack Puffer: You speak to her with RESPECT!
AKB: Geez, I think we might need to start piss testing some of you meat heads.
~Annie backs the surprisingly aggressive Puffer off of AKB. She straightens out his shirt as AKB checks his cigarette out. He bit down on it and broke the filter off from the tobacco. He tosses it aside and grabs another~
AKB: I should charge you for that, mother fucker.
Annie Alvarez: Sorry, my guys are just a little on edge. Losing will do that to a fierce competitor. There was a time in OCW, years ago, when competitors like Jack Puffer and Tatum Coe were respected.
~AKB responds with the unlit cigarette in his mouth~
AKB: There was also a time when a man’s smoke break was respected.
Annie Alvarez: You ever notice those locations that are constantly changing ownership? The exterior undergoes paint job after paint job. Hell, sometimes they even level the building to the ground, building something fresh in its place. All so they can erase what was once there. The funny thing is…it never works out. You can’t change what you are. A location will always yield what its market demands. An organization will always revert back to its former self. It’s the circle of life.
AKB: Oh yea, I heard about the casting for that new Lion King movie…rad stuff.
~AKB sparks the cigarette and inhales deeply~
Annie Alvarez: This is unnatural. This…doesn’t fit. Resurgence is coming…it might take a while. It might stumble along the way, but make no mistake about it…we are the end of this new beginning.
~AKB just kind of shrugs, continuing to smoke. Annie eyes Coe. He lifts up a five and stuffs it into the loose pocket sewn into the front of AKB’s shirt. The trio exit. AKB turns around and sees that Who’Re has left him. He looks up into the sky and bemoans~
AKB: Fucking whore goes on one date with a couple of nice guys and starts to discover self-respect…the fuck is this world coming to?
~We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Interesting words from Annie...you have to wonder what she's getting at
Hood: I don't know, but she certainly doesn't know how to scout talent. She does realize the Bad News Bears was a movie...it didn't actually fucking happen...same with that lame ass Mighty Ducks shit.
Smith: What's worse, perhaps...AKB betraying the trust of Who'Re. We know for a fact the Dravers text her during Alice's party while AKB had her phone. He must have pretended to be her and then erased the texts!
Hood: Pimp move
Smith: It's a terrible move!
Hood: Hey, calm down. There's just as much a chance that Nathan is making all that shit up to look like a player. He was probably too chicken to text her. Besides, we all know he only texts women when they are in the same building.
Smith: None of that is true...AKB is a scumbag and I hope Who'Re realizes it. Folks, next up is an Incredible Celebration...the party set aside to acknowledge The Incredible One's tremendous victory from one week ago. However, I'm being told it has been postponed for a few minutes due to this...
~A few minutes before Incredible One’s championship celebration bash, Caution, with bandaging around his throat, is seen behind the curtain. There is quite a set up spread out, cake, snacks, beer, champagne, the whole nine yards. A large punch bowl sits in the middle of the table filled with red liquid. Probably fruit punch or something, hence, punch bowl… Caution has a small cardboard box in one hand, and a couple of test tubes in the other. He pours the substances into the punch bowl.~
Smith: What the heck is he doing?
Hood: With this old crazy bastard God only knows.
Smith: Hood! I think he is poisoning the punch!
Hood: To Caution, if you are anything but hard work, you are liable to be killed.
~Caution looks over his shoulders and all about the room, making sure nobody is around. An evil smile captures his face as he slowly opens the door and slides out of the room. As he exits the room, he slowly pulls the door shut, smiling evilly the whole time. Just as he turns around to haul ass, he’s met nose to nose with the Eastern European with security guards in tow.~
Eastern European: Cameras everywhere you dumb fool!
OCW Security: Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us twice, AIN’T F’N HAPPENIN’!!!
Caution: Ahhhhrgghh!!
~Caution sort of gurgles due to the damage he suffered at the hands of Dare Clemmens earlier in the evening. The security guards grab ahold of the crazed old timer and escort him out of the area. Caution doesn’t go quietly so they have to use force as they rough him up a bit.~
Eastern European: Dump punch!
Smith: Man these guys are on it. They are everywhere!
Hood: Incredible One is Untouchable it seems!
Smith: There will be a crack in his armor somewhere, some day.
Hood: Psshhh. The Incredible One is the fuckin’ MAN!
Smith: If Caution had gotten away with whatever the hell he was putting in that punch, everyone could have been severely ill! Or… DEAD!
Hood: Untouchable I said! Plus, Caution shouldn’t be paid to do anymore dirty deeds. He can’t get the job done!
Smith: Well thank God! Caution seems to have a very dark, murderous side to him. Quite frankly, I don't like it one bit.
Hood: I kinda like it. Trash needs to be taken out Smith, no matter how you slice it.
Smith: Just not TIO and his goons right?
Hood: Fuck no! Of course not! Not TIO and his men!
~The punch remains as a cleaning crew has been sent for. EE shakes his head, frustrated with the constant interference by Cassidy’s crew. He coughs, his throat feels a bit dry. He reaches for a cup and dips it into the punch. He takes a sip. The crowd gasps~
Smith: Uhhh
Hood: He’s Eastern European, his stomach can handle a little arsenic, cyanide…ya know, whatever
~EE swallows. Barry Man Is Low speaks~
Security Guard Barry Man Is Low: Uhh, boss…the punch?
~EE’s eyes widen as he spits and spits and spits. He yells for help. Barry Man Is Low sights and extends the index and middle finger belonging to his right hand~
Security Guard Barry Man Is Low: This job sucks
~A few nameless security guards restrain EE as Barry Man Is Low dives in with his fingers. We cut instantly to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Well let’s hope our on-site GM doesn’t die.
Hood: Oh I’m sure he’ll be fine…but how about those silver linings, huh? Who knew Barry Manilow had an eating disorder...and, not only that, but he overcame the eating disorder and was able to use what he learned through the eating disorder to potentially save a life. That’s a fucking Oscar winning movie plot if I’ve ever heard one!
Smith: And that’s why you’re sitting here and not in a CAA board room right now negotiating terms for a movie deal.
Hood: Your words cut deep, Smith.
Smith: The truth hurts, Hood. It's been a great night thus far and there's still so much to come!
Hood: It hasn't been a great night for catering, though. Treat Cassidy's room...the punch.
Smith: True, lots of food has been ruined. Thankfully third world countries don't get STARZ. Well folks, I'm told EE has regurgitated all of the contaminated punch and is going to be fine. It is now time...
Hood: FOR THE CELEBRATION! YES!
Smith: For once, you are correct...an Incredible Celebration is up next. And heeeere we go!
~“Lean Back” by Fat Joe plays throughout the OCW Arena as the crowd begins to boo heavily for the arrival of the Paradigm Champion, the Incredible One. He steps out through the curtain, slowly without his title, from the assault earlier in the evening courtesy of Mack O’Connor and Chad Vargas. Behind TIO walks Knux, who’s bleeding has stopped, his face taped up a bit. Before they start their walk down the ramp, TIO turns around and whispers something into the ear of Knux. The two talk for a moment before Knux nods and leaves towards backstage~
Smith: Mr. Incredible asking Knux to leave?
Hood: Even I’m shocked – those two are like peanut butter and jam. Waffles and syrup. STD’s and hookers—
Smith: Okay, we get it. Incredible must have something up his sleeve.
Hood: Must be close to his shoulders, he’s wearing a short sleeve t-shirt.
Smith: Wow.
~TIO makes the long walk down the ramp, and where he usually indulges the fans with cursing, ignores them as he slowly rolls into the ring. He immediately asks for his music to be cut and is handed a microphone. His music fades out and is eventually drowned out by boo’s and chants such as “asshole” and the classic “paper champion” chant from 2014. TIO is visibly annoyed by the latter chant, as he rolls his eyes and tries to ignore it. He raises the microphone to his mouth and begins to speak~
The Incredible One: Why can’t I have nice things, eh? Am I really that evil of a person? You know what I wanted to do tonight? I wanted to come out to this ring and celebrate with the Eastern European and Knux on an amazing victory last week and celebrate the fact that I am OCW’s Paradigm Champion. Your Paradigm Champion. You all, Mack O’Connor and Chad Vargas included, don’t seem to realize the importance of that win. If you look in the history books of OCW, there are not many wrestlers who have held more than three titles in its history. You have to look way back, you have people like Scott Syren, Mario Maurako, Perfect Paul Paras, D Double D… the list goes on for the OCW of the early 2000’s, but for the OCW that was resurrected in 2014… I am a two time Central Champion and now your current reigning OCW Paradigm Champion. I am the most successful wrestler of the current era of OCW and here I was to come out here tonight to celebrate that FACT and the FACT that I will continue to run wild on this promotion to eventually become the top champion in this company but NO – a couple of thugs who can’t cooperate with the new system – the ones that have to use old contracts to force themselves back into OCW –had to ruin it – it makes me sick to my fucking stomach.
~TIO stops for a moment as the crowd boos his words~
The Incredible One: You all know I speak the truth! I destroyed Chad Vargas last week, I have angered his so called agent Treat Cassidy and then they had to call in another Treat guy – Mack O’Connor – to even come close to try and finish the job and IT DIDN’T EVEN WORK. I still walked out of the OCW Arena last week YOUR PARADIGM CHAMPION! And I should be here, in the middle of this fucking ring, with MY PARADIGM CHAMPIONSHIP around my goddamn waist but who has it? Fucking Mack O’Connor. He and Vargas are probably playing dress up with it in the back, only dreaming that they are in my situation. What’s my situation? Let’s list the facts RIGHT NOW: From the moment this company came back with Buffett, Welsh and the European – I have been their pick since DAY ONE; their blue chip pick, to come into this company and represent it. They called ME to come back and signed me to their exclusive rights. I have the support of this regime, and no one else does. I am their wrestler and now I am their Paradigm Champion. O’Connor and Vargas can try to take the title away from me, and sure, they may have the physical possession of the title right now, but let me tell you something, the only way there is going to be a new champion is when I destroy everyone in my path and eventually vacate the damn thing so I can rightfully challenge for what is rightfully mine and the is the ONLINE CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING CHAMP—
~“Vagabond” by the Greenskeepers plays, as the crowd erupts for the arrival of Mack O’Connor. TIO is red in the face mad for being interrupted as O’Connor, followed by Chad Vargas, walk through the curtain taunting TIO with the Paradigm title in O’Connor’s hands. O’Connor puts it around his waist as the two of them come down the ramp and immediately look under the ring for weapons~
Smith: Looks like these guys have heard enough and want to continue the fight from earlier today.
Hood: Why did you get rid of Knux, Incredible? Damnit!
~O’Connor grabs a steel chair while Vargas surprisingly finds a glass bottle of whiskey. He drinks half of it before swinging it around like a weapon. The two of them enter the ring and slowly circle TIO. TIO, who should be afraid, actually begins to laugh as he speaks into the microphone~
The Incredible One: This is just… perfect.
~TIO drops the microphone and snaps his fingers. The lights go out, causing chaos for a moment, but the lights come back on to reveal a man standing behind O’Connor and another standing behind Vargas~
Hood: Shit, wait, who are these guys?
Smith: It couldn’t be…
Hood: WHO IS IT?!
Smith: It is!
Hood: TELL ME YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
Smith: The one behind Vargas is Incredible’s former stable mate from Boardwalk wrestling, “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell, and the one behind Mack O’Connor, is former BW Atlantic City Champion “The Marvel” Matt Meyhu!
Hood: YES!
~The crowd is in awe at the turn of events as both CJ O’Donnell and Matt Meyhu are holding steel chairs. Vargas and O’Connor sense the danger and they slowly turn around. Immediately Meyhu and O’Donnell smash their chairs straight into the forehead’s of Vargas and O’Connor. The two fall down and the trio of Incredible, Meyhu and O’Donnell get to work on beating them down. The trio toss O’Connor out of the ring and work on Vargas first, as each of them take turns on hitting Vargas in the ribs with a chair. Meyhu and O’Donnell take their chairs and sandwich them into Vargas’ head, blood beginning to spill from his forehead. CJ O’Donnell then whips off the ropes and hits Vargas with a running single leg high knee, known as “Irish Knowledge”. Vargas crumbles to the ground as TIO spits in his face while O’Donnell flies out of the ring to grab O’Connor. He throws O’Connor into the ring as he is met with a spinning spinebuster from TIO. TIO takes his title back as Meyhu picks O’Connor back up. Mack is met with the Paradigm Championship straight in the face, opening up his nose. Meyhu prevents O’Connor from dropping, as he grabs his arm and hits a hard flatliner, also known as “The Ego Trip.”~
Smith: What have we just witnessed?
Hood: I’ll tell you what you’ve just witnessed… you thought the Family or Operation Zero were a force to reckon with? This trio is about to run rampant in OCW!
Smith: For once, I think I actually agree with you, Hood.
~Both O’Connor and Vargas lay motionless in the middle of the ring, bloodied from the onslaught of the brand new trio. TIO hugs O’Donnell and Meyhu before grabbing the microphone again and speaking~
The Incredible One: What you all just witnessed… was history. The history books of OCW will speak of this day when I, the Incredible One, called upon my friends… “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell, and “The Marvel” Matt Meyhu, have formed an alliance like no other. For anyone watching in the back, and anyone who may be thinking of coming to OCW – we are the test. We will be the ones you have to go through in order to make it in this company. We are the test you will have to take in order to succeed but simply put – you WILL fail the test… because we are…
~TIO pauses for a moment so both Meyhu and O’Donnell can lean towards the microphone, as all three speak~
All: THE APTITUDE!
~TIO drops the microphone as the Aptitude shake hands with each other, hugging it out again, before laughing at the destruction they just caused in the middle of the ring. They exit the ring and head for the back as the image of the bloodied Vargas and O’Connor are the last thing we see before the camera cuts to ringside~
Smith: I'm...I'm speechless
Hood: Seriously? You're speechless? The Aptitude has been here all of one minute and they've already dramatically improved the product!
Smith: Be serious for a moment. This isn't a joke. Do you have any idea who CJ O'Donnell and Matt Meyhu are?
Hood: Two of the best free agent wrestlers in the business...but, I feel like you want to rant about it...so go ahead.
Smith: They are instant difference makers. They compete at the highest level of any promotion they are involved with. These aren't just talents. They aren't wrestlers with potential. These are tried and true main eventers. These two men, along with The Incredible One, just formed the most accomplished stable in OCW history.
Hood: I don't know, man. Those are some pretty strong words...B.U.F.F., JFC...the much maligned JFB...
Smith: Considerable stables for comparison, absolutely. But those were comprised of homegrown talent. These men are mercenaries, hired guns...they are here for takeover, destruction.
Hood: Sounds rad
Smith: No, it doesn't sound 'rad'...not to the OCW roster, at least. They are in for some tough, tough days ahead. I can only hope Meyhu and O'Donnell are forced to work their way through the card...the system. It would at least give the talent on hand an opportunity to prepare for what's to come.
Hood: Dude, you don't go out and recruit, pay and showcase guys like Meyhu and O'Donnell only to put them in the ring with fucking Truda. I'd be shocked if they weren't headlining the next show.
Smith: I hope you're wrong about that...folks, we need to take a break as the carnage out here is extensive. The fans are in shock. So, let's head backstage while we assess what just happened and where we go from here.
~AKB stands outside, finishing yet another cigarette. He tosses the butt aside and walks back into the backstage area. He looks over towards someone in a purple hooded cape watching a monitor backstage, then sees Who'Re strutting over towards the individual~
AKB: OH who does she think she is?
~The camera switches as Who'Re approaches the caped individual. She taps his shoulder and he turns around quickly, flipping his hood back, showing the profile of Robbie 'Aire' Rayder. His fist raises then he sees Who'Re and lowers it, and lowers his eyes as well~
Who'Re: I know you. You're that new kid, Rayder, right?
~Robbie looks up to her eyes then lowers his, looking down at the floor~
Robbie Rayder: Yes Ma'am.
Who'Re: Ma'am? I'm not a Ma'am, I'm .. wait.. That was you being polite... to me? That's cute.
Robbie Rayder: Yes Ma'am.
Who'Re: So you're making your debut next week, but you're here tonight in full gear and nearly took my head off with a right hand. Begs the question... why?
~Robbie looks up at her again as he answers the question~
Robbie Rayder: I said that I'd be here and I'm a man of my word, Ma'am.
~Robbie looks back down at the floor as AKB walks up~
AKB: Listen here, Who'Re, you're not getting the scoop on why Robbie is here. I am!
~AKB slides in between Who're and Robbie and Robbie looks up at AKB with a glare~
Robbie Rayder: I wasn't talking with ya, was I? and just who do ya think ya are? Mr. Cigarette Smoking Bigshot?
~Robbie takes a step forward as AKB's reaction is stunned by the change in Robbie's demeanor~
Robbie Rayder: I came here to OCW to prove to myself that the last two places were just full of idiots... so the last thing I need is someone like you to be an idiot backstage. OCW gives me the opportunity that I couldn't get in FSW and wasn't allowed to have in KCW. So next week, I'm taking the opportunity and showing everyone here and anyone watching that two places missed out on the Aire Rayder, but OCW is going to Live and Love the Aire Rayder.
~Robbie looks over Who'Re and gives a quick glance to her feet~
Robbie Rayder: The Jimmy Chu's go well with ya outfit, Ma'am.
~Robbie flips the hood back over his head, partially covering his face as his head turns back to AKB~
Robbie Rayder: Rayder --- Out.
~Robbie walks off as Who'Re watches him walk away then looks at AKB~
Who'Re: Idiot.
~She flips her hair and walks away from AKB. AKB rolls his eyes in disgust. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: What on Earth is AKB doing? He suddenly WANTS to do his job?
Hood: Can't be shown up by a whore, Smith. That's all that is. But, hey, this Rayder guy is interesting.
Smith: Hey, look at you taking interest in a new talent! Robbie 'Aire' Rayder has, ironically, sort of flown under the radar since his signing nearly a week ago. But, from all reports, he's a tremendous talent and we're going to get a look at that next week.
Hood: Gotta have that new talent...Aptitude needs some fresh bodies to toss around, after all
Smith: Oh great...is this going to become a new drinking game?
Hood: What?
Smith: People drinking every time you mention Aptitude?
Hood: I hope so...we need to see a decrease in population...although that would directly impact our ratings so...I don't know, I'm torn.
Smith: Well we are just moments away from our main event but...I'm being told we have a new development concerning...
Hood: What, why did you pause?
Smith: Because, if I say it, I'm going to sound like a hypocrite
Hood: SWEET! More Aptitude! Let's head backstage, mother fuckers!
~The camera fades backstage and you see The Incredible One, “The Marvel” Matt Meyhu and “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell walking through the curtain backstage. TIO has the Paradigm Championship over his right shoulder while Meyhu and O’Donnell are just discussing strategy it seems. From a distance you see Eastern European applauding The Aptitude. Meyhu and O’Donnell look at each other while Incredible just nods his head. ~
TIO: You’re welcome!
CJ O’Donnell: I didn’t hear a thank you … Damn I must have run out of Q-Tips again.
Eastern European: What are these Tips of Q? We need more? HURRY! GET MORE TIPS OF Q!!
~TIO pats EE on the chest. Meyhu and O’Donnell exchange a ‘what’s with this guy’ look.~
TIO: Relax, it’s not a big deal.
Eastern European: Oh, okay, haha, funny!
~ CJ scratches his head and looks at Eastern European. ~
CJ O’Donnell: Was that even English? Wait I get it must have been Dutch right?
Eastern European: I no like the Dutch. They rude to my country.
TIO: As interesting as that is, I wanted to know what you were planning on doing about the Dravers challenge?
Eastern European: Dravers? I don’t know, maybe give them match against the man with one eye and his partner, the green stone.
CJ O’Donnell: Wait a second? We just did you a favor out there in that ring as we destroyed that dickless duo in just three moves. What about Meyhu and myself get a shot at those Dravers chumps!
~Meyhu nods in agreement as CJ eagerly awaits EE response while TIO looks a little shocked how eager O’Donnell is after his hiatus. ~
Eastern European: Hmm. Well man with one eye and green stone ask first. There also the men who make naked movies. They ask as well. Hmm…
~TIO steps up to the Eastern European and places his hand on EE’s chest in a passive aggressive manner~
TIO: Keep in mind that Mr. Welsh, your boss, was personally responsible for recruiting and negotiating the signatures of these two extraordinary talents standing with me.
CJ O’Donnell: We would hate to have to put in a bad word for you to Mr. Welsh and get you say …
~Dramatic pause …~
CJ O’Donnell: FIRED!!!
~EE gives his chin a faux pas tap~
Eastern European: You know, I just have GREAT idea! Next week...in the event that is main...The Meyhu and O’Donnell face Dravers for Tag Titles! Sound good, right? Right? Yes!
Meyhu & O’Donnell: YEP!
TIO: That is more like it EE! I knew we liked you for a reason.
Meyhu: This is going to be one of the easiest matches of my career.
CJ O’Donnell: Yeah I saw the Dravers early tonight and they look like the Britney Spears twins. Oh and EE if you play your cards right maybe just maybe we will let you hang with us one night and show you why we are simply …
~ O’Donnell stops and looks at Meyhu and TIO.~
CJ O’Donnell: Whom am I kidding EE the only way you would be able to hang with us is if you paid us.
~EE squeezes out an uncomfortable, forced, nervous laugh~
Eastern European: Haha, yes, that be great. I find some monies and we do that.
TIO: Stick to your day job!
Meyhu: Yeah we are pretty much booked for the rest of our lives.
CJ O’Donnell: What they said. Anyway I think we are done here.
TIO: That we are and after next week The Aptitude will have more gold around their waist.
Meyhu: Yes we will. OCW Tag Team Champions has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it CJ?
~ CJ eyes drift down the hall as Alice Knight is seen walking down the long corridor. She’s dressed and ready for her OCW Title match, heading toward the Gorilla position. CJ’s eyes automatically notice the ass on Knight and in typical CJ fashion he has a comment. ~
CJ O’Donnell: Damn look at the caboose on that! I would love to smash that and make her walk crooked for a week straight.
Meyhu: CJ …
CJ O’Donnell: WHAT?
Meyhu: OCW Tag Team Champions …
CJ O’Donnell: Yeah we make history the first night we actually wrestle here in OCW.
~ CJ licks his lips as his eyes are still focused on Alice. ~
CJ O’Donnell: EE maybe just maybe I do have a special job for you so you can make extra money.
~ O’Donnell puts his arm around EE as they start to walk down the hallway.~
TIO: Why do I get the feeling CJ is using the wrong head to think with again.
Meyhu: He wouldn’t be CJ without the controversy. But then again I will agree that is one fine ass.
TIO: I can’t remember but I may have tapped that during my first stint here in OCW!
~A SQUAWK startles the camera man as our view cuts away from Meyhu and TIO to see an OCW attendant rushing what looks to be a shirt covered bird cage down the hall way, in pursuit of Alice. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Disrespectful…
Hood: Yep, allowing a fucking bird to interrupt the greatest stable in OCW history.
Smith: History? They’ve been around five minutes…
Hood: Trust me, I know these things. It may have only been five minutes but, oh man, what a glorious five minutes!
Smith: I think you need to calm down.
Hood: Hey, I'm not the only one celebrating...The Eastern European is right by my side!
Smith: I can't believe he just GAVE those two a tag title shot next week. I understand they are good...I understand they cost a lot of money but, seriously...they just JUMP Stevenson and Savage?
Hood: That's life, Smith
Smith: If this is how Aptitude is going to be treated by management...to go along with their talent...we might as well rename the place
Hood: Hey, I'm all for that. After all [bleep] came up with Online Championship Wrestling and his ass is outta here, so why not go with a new name?
Smith: That will never happen
Hood: Yea, I didn't think so
Smith: Well...maybe this is one of those deals that looks worse than it really is. Perhaps next week Aptitude will be getting along with the roster and all will be well...perhaps...
Hood: You sound like SUCH an Alice Knight fan right now
Smith: Hey! Speaking of...
~The lights in the arena dim. The OCW tron flickers and the popular hype video for the OCW Title Match airs once more~
~The video ends and we focus back on the announcers as the crowd cheers and gets on their feet, ready for the OCW Championship Main Event~
Smith: That video says it all...the match we've been building toward is moments away. Any last minute picks, Hood?
Hood: Anybody but Alice...hell, I'd even go with the fucking Owl at this point
Smith: Well I'm going to keep mine a secret for fear of jinxing the outcome
Hood: Worst secret ever
Smith: I'm nervous, I'm excited...that means it's OCW Title time...let's head to ringside!
Triple Threat: Two Consecutive Falls Match
Alice Knight (3-0) vs. Bob Grenier (3-0) vs. PerZag (3-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for our MAIN EVENT of the evening!!!
~ The lights of the arena go out. All that is seen is a small glow of light from the entrance ramp. ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ by Survivor starts to play over the PA system. A hooded figure walks on to the entrance ramp. The lights come back on as the hooded figure stands still on the stage. The hooded figure walks down to the ring slowly. He gets into the ring and stands in the centre of it. He slowly removes the hood and the crowd gives a mixed reaction to him. 'Eye Of The Tiger' by Survivor stops playing as PerZag walks over to a corner in the ring and crouches down near it~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Benalla, Victoria, Australia…standing 6’5 and weighing in at 216lbs…PerZag!!!
~”Smart Went Crazy” by Atmosphere fills the arena. The fans stand. Most of them cheer for the former Champion. However, with “BOO!” plastered across the tron and Larry the Superfan’s encouragement. A good number boo the Canadian. The Canadian’s in attendance, the ones cheering the loudest for Grenier, battle back. It creates a very strange environment. Bob doesn’t give it any notice. He remains directly focused on the ring. He enters, walks right past PerZag and gets into a corner. PerZag, standing near the ring watches Grenier~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs…Bob Grenier!!!
~”Electrified" by Dressy Bessy begins to play as the fans turn and cheer. Alice emerges. She’s carrying a bird cage carrying the owl she’s been training. The owl is covered by a pink cloth. She waves at the fans as she heads down the ramp. “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” begins to resonate over the music as she’s clearly the fan favorite in this one. A few Canadians try to boo, but they are drowned out because AMERICA. She reaches ringside and carefully places the bird cage near Belvedere’s seat, which is several feet from the announce table. An eye of distrust is cast upon Hood from Alice. She waves at Smith. She removes the pink cloth from the cage and grabs something that had been positioned under Belvedere’s chair. She goes up the steps and enters into the ring~
Belvedere: And, the third and final participant…from Bethel, New York…standing 5’8 and weighing in at 125lbs…Alice Knight!!!
~The crowd explodes as Belvedere announces her name, chanting “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” along with his correct pronunciation. She smiles and waves to the crowd. “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” continues to bounce around the walls of the OCW arena. PerZag looks at Grenier. Grenier looks at PerZag, they aren’t enjoying the atmosphere. Belvedere exits and the bell rings~
Smith: What a crowd tonight, Hood! Listen to them! They are ready to see the coronation of Alice Knight!
Hood: I knew I should have bought ear plugs
Smith: Why didn’t you?
Hood: Because some fucker told me only people who go to Monster Truck rallies buy those things and I didn’t want to be associated with those assholes.
~PerZag and Grenier perform a quasi-congregation in the middle of the ring…almost as though they have something planned. They stare Alice down. Alice, feeling left out, steps to them in the middle of the ring with a shy posture. She extends her hand. They do not shake it. She holds up her index finger as though she realizes why they are angry~
Smith: I wonder what Alice has up her sleeve
Hood: She’s not wearing sleeves
Smith: It’s a saying, Hood…I didn’t mean literally!
~Alice picks up the cloth that had been covering the cage. It is one of the newly designed #OWLisNIGHT T-shirts! She places it over the chest of PerZag, sort of modeling it on him. She then takes the item that had been under Belvedere’s chair. It’s the Alice Knight OWL doll! She hands it to Grenier. Grenier looks down at it in disgust. PerZag looks at his shirt, in disgust. Alice seems perplexed. She places her hand over her chin and taps her cheek with a thoughtful index finger~
Smith: She’s brought gifts, Hood! A peace offering…there isn’t a bad bone in that body of hers.
Hood: There may not be at the moment but if she keeps this shit up there’s going to be about fifteen BADly broken bones in that body of hers.
Smith: Don’t say stuff like that. It hurts me.
Hood: Well you need thicker skin, mother fucker
~Alice’s eyes light up. “I GOT IT!” she yells. She takes the stuffed Owl from Grenier and removes the shirt from PerZag. She then hands the stuffed Owl to PerZag and places the shirt over Grenier’s chest. She stands back, gives it a once over and extends her arms. “Perfect!” she exclaims~
Smith: She’s a genius! That shirt fits Grenier much better than it fit PerZag
Hood: She’s about to get shit stomped
Smith: Oh I don’t see that happening at…
~Zag and Grenier slowly look at one another. Their faces are flush with anger. It’s all been boiling to this moment. The merchandise, the chicanery, the favoritism…everything. This moment…it’s finally overflowed. They’ve had their fucking fill. Grenier rips the shirt off and in half, tossing it out of the ring. PerZag tears the head off the owl and hurls it as far as he can. Together, they grab Alice and hoist her up as though they were going to give her a double spine buster. She’s really high in the air. She looks around, her eyes wide. She tries convincing them to put her down. But they don’t listen. They march for the corner nearest the announce table. The crowd reaches their feet in horror…a slow, fear filled roar begins to rise amongst the fans~
Smith: No…no…no
Hood: Ohhhhhhh shit
Smith: NO NO, STOP THIS!
Hood: We’ve got fucking incoming!!!
~Together, they toss Alice over the corner…she flies through the air and CRASHES through the announce table!! The crowd gasps in horror. Everybody wearing OWL merchandise covers their eyes. Alice is unconscious. She’s motionless. Smith kneels over to check on her. Hood has some of her hair on his shoe. He kicks his foot around…it hits her in the head a couple of times…on purpose, most likely~
Smith: Stop that!
Hood: Sorry, she was just getting her Alice germs all over my shoes, man.
Smith: We need help out here! She’s not moving!
Hood: See, that’s the problem with putting a bum in the main event. They are so used to sleeping in the most random places they’re liable to pass out in the middle of a match.
Smith: Now is not the time for humor, Hood.
~OCW staff rush down to look at her. The Dravers are out as well, checking on their newly formed friend. Everybody is focused on the Alice Knight situation. Everybody except Grenier. He rolls PerZag up in the middle of the ring. Scruff goes for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Hood: Wow, almost had our first fall right there…fucking Grenier is focused, man.
Smith: You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not, Hood. This is a tragedy!
Hood: People go through tables all the time, calm the fuck down.
Smith: Nathan, Jonathan, how’s she doing? Is she going to be okay?
Hood: Ugh, I’ve literally got Alice and both Dravers idiots within ten feet of me…this is not off to a good start.
~Zag kicks out with fury. Grenier rolls into the bottom rope. He hurries to his feet. Zag kips up, displaying the athleticism people often forget. Grenier charges at Zag…Zag kicks him in the face with a big boot. Grenier stumbles into a corner. Zag charges in and drives a shoulder into Grenier’s gut. Grenier doubles over. Zag hooks him and tosses him out of the corner with a Gut Wrench Suplex!! Grenier arches his back in pain. Meanwhile, some paramedics have made it down and are checking on Alice’s neck. She seems to finally be responding as Jonathan is talking to her with Nathan watching over his shoulder~
Smith: Folks, thankfully she’s responding. But they are looking at her neck. I’m not sure if she’s going to be able to continue.
Hood: Finally, there is a HIGHER POWER. JUSTICE! KARMA! All that shit…I knew it was only a matter of time.
Smith: You are an evil man, Hood. I hope your dreams tonight are filled with Owls.
Hood: Fuck you
~Zag hops onto the middle buckle. He sets poised, waiting for Grenier to reach his feet. Grenier does. Zag jumps off with an attempted flying elbow to the head. Grenier responds with a kick into the knees of Zag. Zag abandons his offensive maneuver and tries to brace his fall. He’s unable and lands flat on his face in the center of the ring. Grenier falls to his knees and quickly locks in a Crossface!! He warps and twists the body of PerZag as much as he can as Scruff gets into position~
Smith: Update on Alice…
Hood: Geezus, shut the fuck up about the corpse at our feet and talk about the match. We’ve got a crossface, man! A man’s face is getting crossed!
Smith: Indeed it is…they are aggressively going for decisions. That’s what this type of match creates…a sense of urgency.
Hood: There ya go, back on point
Smith: Now, as far as Alice goes…she just accurately counted the fingers Jonathan was holding up. We might be close to her getting cleared. Hey! Stop that!
~Hood throws a kick at Alice’s head. But Nathan and Smith are there to intercept it. Hood is then sent several feet away. He’s standing by himself, next to Larry, watching the match with his headset on. PerZag is in tremendous pain. He looks like he might tap. Grenier leans back as far as he can. The trouble with that is he leans too far back and PerZag is able to switch the weight over and rolls Grenier onto his back! Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Alice, it’s me, Smith…how are you feeling?
Hood: Fuck man that was close. Grenier had to release the cross face in an effort to kick out. This is really great action…not to sound too much like my dumbass colleague.
Smith: Here Alice, have some water.
Hood: Aww man, I left my unopened bottle of expensive, premium water over there…can’t wait to get into that once I’m allowed back over there.
~Zag reaches for his face and neck as both are stretched and burning. Grenier gets to his feet. Zag is sitting up with his back to Grenier. Grenier soccer kicks him in the back! Zag’s shoulders raise up, trying to take in the pain. Grenier runs into the ropes, he bounces off and he soccer kicks Zag in the face!!! Zag flattens out and, instinctively, rolls out of the ring. His body falls, roughly to the floor as Grenier is left alone in the ring. He throws his hands in the air and the Canadian contingent yells “EH! GRENIER! EH! GRENIER!”~
Smith: Wow, you drank that water really fast. That was like a thirty-two ouncer. Those don’t come cheap but I’m sure whoever owned it won’t mind.
Hood: Finally! A chant other than that stupid ass Owl Is Night crap
~A few fans nearby overhear Hood. A fresh “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” chant breaks out~
Hood: Mother fucker…that shit is like Ebola
~Grenier grips the top rope. He appears slightly hesitant. He rotates his shoulders, physically mustering the gumption. PerZag gets to his feet, staggering around. Grenier bends at the knees…he straightens…he bends again…then straightens…he’s building momentum…he then bends and leaps over the top rope with a corkscrew plancha!! He lands right on top of PerZag, squashing him to the ground!! PerZag rolls around in pain as Grenier gets to his feet, holding his midsection and shoulder in pain. “EH! GRENIER! EH! GRENIER!” starts to dominate the chant scene~
Smith: She’s gonna try to stand? Alright, let’s help her stand.
Hood: Fucking hell! I’ve never seen Grenier take to the air like that. Fucking impressive.
Smith: Whoa…easy…she’s a bit wobbly.
Hood: I’m enjoying this match way more than I thought I would…I…oh son of a bitch she’s on her fucking feet!
~Alice is standing. She’s looking at the ground, rubbing her head. Jonathan and Nathan are at her sides, keeping her steady. The medic is shining a light in her eyes. Meanwhile, Grenier shakes off the collateral damage from his aerial assault and he starts to stomp on PerZag. He picks PerZag up and whips him into the barricade!! PerZag hits hard. Zag sits against the barricade. Grenier rushes in with a baseball slide dropkick…it nails Zag right in the face!! Zag falls to his side as Grenier struggles to his feet. He yanks Zag by the hair and tosses him into the ring. “EH! GRENIER! EH! GRENIER!” chants are getting louder and louder~
Smith: What’s that? You’d like some more water? Let me see if I can get some more
Hood: Bob Grenier is close to earning a fall! Can’t believe I’m doing that fucker’s job for him. My wit is too strong to be this automated.
Smith: Excuse me, dear Hood…friend of mine.
Hood: Oh geezus
Smith: Do you happen to know who that bottle of expensive water belonged to and if there are any others?
Hood: The fuck did you just ask me?
Smith: Umm…that…uhh
~Hood sees his empty bottle of water and is enraged. Both announcers mics are cut due to the expletives, begging and pussy ass noises that come from two announces slap fighting. Back inside the ring, Grenier pulls Zag up. Zag is winded and in pain. Grenier steadies Zag, measures and he throws a discuss elbow at Zag’s head. Zag ducks it, though and hooks Grenier from behind. He does a snap German! He holds on and does a slow German! He holds on and does a third german…this time a Release German!! Grenier is folded up, lying in the center of the ring as Zag sits up before falling to his side, extremely winded. The crowd starts to stomp and cheer. A “ZAGGY! ZAGGY! ZAGGY! OI! OI! OI!” chant breaks out. A contingent of fans holding Australian flags emerge from the back of the arena, bullying their way to the front! Their chant becomes contagious as it takes over the crowd~
Smith: Oh, hey, our mics are back! Sorry, Hood…but I’ll buy you another bottle.
Hood: It’s not the fucking bottle…it’s the principle of the matter. That…THING over there drank my water! Don’t we have tap water? It rains in Florida, aren’t there like a million fucking puddles out there…or, shit, how about the ocean?
Smith: I refuse to comment on any of those alternatives. However, I will state that this crowd is ravenous! Listen to these cheers…it appears that Australia is here representing PerZag!
Hood: Well, I don’t care who you are…you don’t want to be shown up by the fucking Canadians, that’s for sure.
Smith: Indeed, apparently
~Alice is standing on her own. The paramedics look at one another and then communicate to Alice, “If you’re okay with it, we’re okay with it.” An OCW personnel member shoves a piece of paper in front of her. Nathan and Jonathan read it over and explain it to Alice. She nods, her eyes still distant. A pen is extended~
Hood: Is that a letter of termination? Are they FIRING Alice?
Smith: No you idiot, it’s a waiver excusing OCW from any liability if she continues in this match.
Hood: Ugh
~The Dravers make sure she’s okay and understands the scenario. Alice nods and signs the waiver. The medics and personnel leave. Nathan and Jonathan wish Alice luck and they exit as well. Alice is left standing over the ruination of the announce table. She looks into the crowd. An “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” chant breaks out. She nods with it and heads over to her pet owl~
Smith: She’s moving! She’s going to continue!
Hood: Well hoo-fucking-ray
Smith: Who’Re is out here?
Hood: Huh? There isn’t any whore out here dumbass
~Alice reaches her owl and she begins whispering into the cage. The owl looks like an owl. It’s just standing there, staring. It finally tilts its head and maybe? Looks at Alice. She nods and slowly opens the cage. Grenier and PerZag are both in the ring, staggering. Grenier throws a punch at Zag…Zag blocks it and goes for one of his own. Grenier blocks it. Alice has the door fully open and shouts something to the owl. The owl takes flight~
Smith: This must be her secret weapon!
Hood: Okay, if that owl scratches either one of those competitors, she should be disqualified.
Smith: C’mon, do you really think that’s going to happen?
Hood: What, the owl being trained well enough by Alice freakin Knight to pull that off or her being disqualified? Ya know what, it doesn’t really matter because neither scenario has a chance of taking place.
Smith: I think you’re wrong. I think that owl is going to do something we’ll never forget
~The owl flies right at PerZag and Grenier. They turn and look at the owl. They freeze, as though a truck’s headlights are bearing down on them. The owl is within a few feet of them. It then turns upwards and flies toward the ceiling. Everybody watches as it gracefully soars through the air. So majestic. So peaceful. So tranquil. So calm. A thing of absolute beauty in a world of chaos. Birds are truly a wonder of…BZZZZZZ!!!!~
Smith: Oh my!!
Hood: HAHA
Smith: That owl apparently flew right into an air vent and was, well, blendered to bits…for lack of a better term.
Hood: Fucking told you!
~A few bits of feather slowly descend from the roof. Alice frowns, momentarily. She gets over it quicker than everyone else. She slides into the ring as Zag and Grenier are still looking up at where the owl was minced. She delivers a low blow to both men from behind!! They double over. She hops to her feet, turns Grenier around and drops him with The Apache!!! Alice covers him, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
Smith: Yes! Come on Alice!! Half in the bag for most of the match and now she’s one pinfall or submission away from the biggest win in her career!
Hood: I wish I was with that owl right about now
Smith: Oh don’t be so morose
~Alice hurries to her feet and hooks PerZag for The Apache. PerZag fights out of it. He hoists Alice up onto his shoulders and twirls her around for an F-5. Alice, though, on the way down, grabs PerZag, and drops him with The Apache!!!! The crowd erupts! “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” she covers PerZag and Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
NO!!!!
Smith: Bob Grenier yanked Alice off just before the three!
Hood: I’m not saying I’d kiss a man…but if ever a situation called for such an act…that was it. Thank you Grenier!
Smith: While I’m slightly disappointed…
Hood: Slightly? You’re about to cry, mother fucker…admit it.
Smith: I’ll ignore that and continue my original statement. While slightly disappointed, you have to admire the whereabouts and instincts of Bob Grenier. It’s going to take more than that to keep the title away from him.
~Alice slaps the mat with her palms in total frustration. She was || this close to achieving her dream. She kicks at Grenier, who is still holding onto her right leg. Grenier lets go. She gets to her feet and, for a moment, looks angry. It washes away because, she’s Alice Knight. She crouches, poised to attack Grenier as soon as he gets to his feet. Grenier does and he falters into a corner. Alice sprints in and delivers a dropkick into Grenier, jamming him up in the corner. She gets back to her feet and turns, sprinting across the ring. In her haste, she doesn’t notice PerZag…he’s standing behind her. As she turns around to sprint, he catches her, mid stride and tosses her over his head with a Capture Suplex!! Alice flies across the ring and hits hard! She rolls under the bottom rope, to the outside~
Smith: Ouch…poor Alice. She was a little too excited, I think.
Hood: She does have something in common with owls…just blindly moving around without taking the time to see what’s in front of them.
Smith: Are you calling her a bird brain?
Hood: Hey, if the glove fits...
Smith: Please, I know it’s 2017 but I don’t want to hear any OJ jokes
Hood: Oh alright
~Grenier storms toward the ropes and hustles through them. He grabs Alice by the hair and violently jerks her to her feet. He picks her hip and bodyslams her onto the apron! Alice grabs her back in pain. Grenier shoves her forward, just enough to provide standing room. He climbs onto the apron and kicks her repeatedly until she rolls under the bottom rope, back into the ring. PerZag is on his feet now. He walks over to Alice and drags her into the middle of the ring. He picks her up, clubs her in the head with a forearm and the drops her with a short arm clothesline. Most of the fans boo as a few “ZAGGY! ZAGGY! ZAGGY! OI! OI! OI!” and “EH! GRENIER! EH! GRENIER!” chants try to fight through~
Smith: They’ve got their national fans here but this crowd is still mostly for Alice
Hood: Doesn’t matter who these morons are pulling for…all that matters is who dominates inside that ring and, right now, PerZag and Grenier are looking to put Alice out of commission.
Smith: She already suffered a pretty heavy blow at the start of the match. I’m not sure how much more she needs to take.
Hood: A lot more, if the world is just….a whole hell of a lot more.
~Grenier slaps PerZag in the chest, more friendly than aggressive. He points down at Alice and then at the crowd. PerZag nods and the two shake hands. Grenier picks Alice up as the crowd starts to boo~
Smith: What is this?
Hood: Power and Worth, baby! They are going to eliminate Alice and elevate this match to its proper level…a PerZag versus Grenier contest.
Smith: This is sickening! First she loses her owl and now this
Hood: Hey, she fucking murdered that owl
Smith: She did not
~Grenier holds Alice up…her legs are limp. She can’t stand on her own. He locks her into a Front Chancery. He lifts her up onto his shoulders and drops her to the mat with a Hollinger Park Hangman!!! “EH! GRENIER! EH! GRENIER!” emanates from the Canadian section as the Owlheads have quieted. Grenier pops to his feet looking very proud of himself. He gives way to PerZag. Zag approaches the unconscious body of Alice and he lifts her up~
Smith: I want Alice to be champion as much as the next man
Hood: Uhh, incorrect…I’m sitting right next to you and that’s the last thing I want
Smith: JUST LET ME FINISH.
Hood: Geez, fine
Smith: As much as I’d like her to win…I just don’t know if it’s worth it. She can always challenge down the road…if she doesn’t get injured too terribly.
Hood: Meh, fuck it. She asked for this
~PerZag boots Alice in the gut, hooks her, lifts her up and drops her with the PerZag Perfection (Perfect Plex). Grenier throws his arms in the air, happy to see Alice getting beat up. He turns his back to Zag upon impact. But, he forgets that the PerZag Perfection, by nature, bridges into a pin. Scruff slides in and makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The owlheads groan. The Canadians get angry but then apologize quickly after their anger subsides. The Aussies go wild with “ZAGGY! ZAGGY! ZAGGY! OI! OI! OI!” chants. Grenier hears the three hands slaps against the mat. His eyes bulge and he turns around. PerZag gets to his feet, smiling. Grenier shoves PerZag in the chest and yells, “What the fuck, choade?”~
Smith: PerZag tricked Grenier!
Hood: I think Grenier enjoyed too much herbal refreshment up in those Canadian woods. How did he NOT KNOW that would happen? It’s a fucking Perfect Plex.
Smith: Lost in the moment, I suppose
Hood: Geezus…you see, this is how somebody like Alice Knight becomes champion. Get your heads out of your asses, guys!
~PerZag head butts Grenier. He staggers back. Zag then kicks him in the groin. Grenier falls to his knees. Zag then rushes to cover Alice. Scruff goes for the count~
1!
2!
NO!!
Smith: Soooo close! PerZag’s journey was nearly complete but Grenier was able to pull him off just in time!
Hood: Yea, Grenier just showed that if a man has enough determination, he can overcome a clean shot to the sack.
Smith: Gross
Hood: What do you mean gross? That was an accurate statement.
Smith: Euphemisms, Hood…use them.
~Grenier, holding onto the leg of PerZag, drags him further into the middle of the ring. Zag kicks him off and struggles to his feet. The two meet in the middle of the ring and go forehead to forehead, cursing each other out. Zag shoves Grenier. Grenier shoves Zag. Zag punches Grenier. Grenier punches Zag back. A fist fight breaks out between the two former partners as the crowd goes wild. Alice, meanwhile, shows some life, rolling out of the ring, under the bottom rope. She lands roughly near the steps and lays there, recuperating~
Smith: Here we go!! Power and Worth lasted all of thirty seconds, Hood
Hood: The OCW Title IS Power and Worth and only one person can hold it, Smithers
Smith: Please, stop calling me Smithers.
Hood: I thought you said to start using euphemisms and since I find the name Smith so offensive…
Smith: Whatever
~Zag, the bigger man, switches to forearm uppercuts and is able to sway Bob back. Bob leans against the ropes. Zag goes to whip Bob but, instead of sending him across the ring, he shoves his knee right into Bob’s gut. Bob doubles over and Zag hooks him around the waist, lifts himup and drops him to the mat with a Piledriver! Zag pops to his feet in total control~
Smith: PerZag has a pinfall under his belt and control over Bob Grenier. You’d have to say he’s the favorite at this stage.
Hood: Especially considering Alice Knight is dead
Smith: She’s not dead!
Hood: To me she is
~Zag stomps on Grenier a few times, knowing he’s got to inflict more damage before attempting a pin. He pulls Grenier up and whips him into a corner. Grenier hits hard. Zag charges in and lifts a knee to Grenier’s face. Grenier staggers out of the corner. Zag hops onto the middle buckle and faces Grenier’s back. He leaps off and drops Grenier to the mat with a Bulldog. PerZag gets to his feet and poses with his arms outstretched. “ZAGGY! ZAGGY! ZAGGY! OI! OI! OI!” echoes throughout the arena as the hundred or so Aussies suddenly sound like thousands~
Smith: This is PerZag’s match for the taking!
Hood: About time you started to come around
~Zag pulls Grenier to his feet and hooks him for the PerZag Perfection! He lifts Grenier up and gets him vertical to the mat. Grenier breaks his leg free! He knees Zag in the head multiple times. Zag brings Grenier back to the mat. Grenier breaks free and spits in Zag’s face. He knees Zag in the gut, hooks him, lifts him up and drops him with the Hollinger Park Hangman!!! The Canadian fans explode with cheers of jubilation! Grenier covers both legs of Zag, Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
Smith: Bob Grenier has a pinfall! Now he’s in control!
Hood: Shit, he flipped that script something fierce
Smith: Indeed
~Grenier gets to his feet and he pulls PerZag up. He lifts PerZag onto his shoulders and bends him in a Torture Rack!! PerZag grimaces in pain as Scruff asks if he wants to submit. PerZag declines. Grenier transitions the Torture Rack into a DVD!! He drills PerZag’s head into the mat. Bob then rushes to the nearest corner and hops onto the top turnbuckle. He looks out and sees the Canadian flag and points to it. He holds up his arms and pumps them in the air a couple of times as the fans chant “EH! GRENIER! EH! GRENIER!” Grenier nods and leaps off with a corkscrew moonsault!!! He hits it!! The Canadian’s explode! He covers PerZag~
Smith: This is it! The moment Grenier has worked for since his return!
Hood: The fucking wild man is going to do it!
1!!!
2!!!
3….NO!!!
~The skinny, athletic figure belonging to Alice Knight darts into view with a knee to the temple of Grenier!! He falls off of PerZag, holding his head in pain. Alice staggers and falls into the ropes, likely concussed. She closes her eyes and lets out a sigh of relief as the owlheads come back to life~
Smith: YES! She did it! She broke up the pinfall!
Hood: Fuck off fanboy
Smith: You have to admit, that was pretty impressive…she looked like Jesse Owens sprinting across that ring
Hood: Okay, now you’ve gone and done it. How dare you compare that vile creature to Jesse Owens!
~Grenier reaches his feet and he kicks Alice in the head. Her body tumbles through the ropes…she clings to the bottom rope, keeping her body from falling all the way to the outside. Grenier tries to kick her off the apron. Zag gets to his feet and hooks Grenier around the waist. He tosses Grenier half way across the ring with a Release German Suplex!! Grenier gets to his feet, staggering in a circle. He turns, facing Zag and is met with a picture perfect dropkick!! Grenier falls to the mat. Zag grabs Alice and pulls her into the ring. He knees her in the gut, hooks her and drops her with the PerZag Perfection!! He bridges for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
Hood: Alright! PerZag back in control!
Smith: I don’t know how much Alice has left…that knee to Grenier seemed to exhaust what little fuel remained.
Hood: That’s good news for ninety nine percent of the OCW fan base
~Zag sits up, a bit winded. He shakes it off knowing what’s within grasp. He lifts Alice and whips her into a corner, head first. She slams into the ring post. He drags her out by the waist. He straightens her and drops her with a Russian Leg Sweep. He heads for the corner but spots Grenier staggering to his feet. He curses, kicks the bottom buckle and makes his way toward Grenier~
Smith: PerZag is growing frustrated. This match, unlike any match we’ve ever seen in OCW, makes it very difficult for a person to sneak out a victory.
Hood: I think it’s impossible. I just ordered a pizza and had Larry the Superfan get my sleeping bag out here. This is going to be an all-nighter, buddy.
Smith: As much as I’m enjoying this, I hope not. I’ve got Gotham recorded. I really want to see this week’s episode.
Hood: Oh please, that lame ass show doesn’t have shit on this. I mean there’s no villain in the history of comics as evil and loathed as Alice Knight.
Smith: Right
~Grenier leans against the ropes as though he’s near exhaustion. Zag lightens up, slows his walking a bit. He reaches out with a weak grip. Grenier slaps his arm away and thumbs Zag in the eye!! Zag staggers near the middle of the ring. Grenier stalks him down and drills Zag in the head with a discus elbow. Before Zag can fall, Grenier hooks him in a Last Chancery. Alice gets to her feet, stumbling. Grenier pulls her in and hooks her in a Last Chancery with the other arm. The crowd rises to their feet in anticipation~
Smith: No way…
Hood: Fuck yes! Do it, Bob! Drop them both on their fucking heads!
Smith: This might be the answer to the question of how a person can win this style of match…
~Grenier lifts both PerZag and Alice up in the air. He staggers. He nearly falls over. The crowd rises and falls with each stumble and stagger. He straightens, gathering all the strength he has and drills them both into the mat with the Hollinger Park Hangman!! The ring shakes, the crowd erupts in cheers over the impressive feat. Grenier is on his back breathing heavily as his opponents are motionless~
Smith: Cover them Bob, come on!
Hood: If he covers them both, at the same time and gets a three…would he win?
Smith: That….that is an excellent question…let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
Hood: I agree
~Bob rolls over and covers PerZag by draping his arm over Zag’s chest. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!
Smith: Zag kicked out!!!
Hood: Fucking shit…this might be Zag’s night.
Smith: Indeed…he still has the pinfall under his name. So that means he’s in control until Bob or Alice take it back.
~Bob rolls onto his back and stares at the lights. He’s somewhere between exhaustion and disbelief. He tries to sit up but falls back. He gives it another go and is able to fully sit up. He leans forward and gets to his knees before finally making it to his feet. He looks out at the Canadian fans who are holding the flag up and cheering. He starts to find energy. PerZag rolls over and struggles to his feet. Grenier’s arms shake. He turns and charges at Zag. Zag responds with a Superkick to the chin of Grenier!! Both men fall as the crowd stomps their feet and cheer for all three participants~
Smith: Unbelievable…at this rate I’m not sure how any of these competitors will have the energy to score one pin, let alone two.
Hood: There’s only one man I know who could win a match like this…Bifford.
Smith: Are you kidding me? He’d have had five heart attacks by now
~Alice gets to her feet. An “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” chant breaks out…the first in a while. She falls into a corner, finding her legs weak. She rests in the corner farthest from both Zag and Grenier. She stands up straight and waves her arms in the air…not like an owl, but like someone trying to feed off the crowd. The crowd chants louder and louder. She stomps her feet into the mat and crouches down. Zag and Grenier are still on the mat. She sprints towards them. Before she gets there, PerZag kips up!! The crowd is stunned into silence. Alice comes to an abrupt halt. Zag turns his head and looks down at Alice. It’s as though something has overtaken him. He grabs her around the throat. He picks Alice up and drills her into the mat with a thunderous chokeslam!! The owlheads whimper. The Aussies go wild!! “ZAGGY! ZAGGY! ZAGGY! OI! OI! OI!”~
Smith: Yikes…
Hood: Nooo shit…that was freaky.
Smith: The hair on the back of my neck is standing up
Hood: Yea it is. Man you really need to get that shit cut…starting to look like a meth heads front lawn back there.
~PerZag hurries for the nearest corner. He quickly scales it. He looks up to the ceiling and points~
Smith: He’s full of emotion signaling to his lost loved ones…this is the moment he’s waited for his entire career.
Hood: Ah fuck it…come on, PerZag…drop that bitch!
Smith: Well you don’t have to be so rude about it.
~PerZag yells out “DEATH FROM ABOVE!” Alice reaches her feet. She staggers around. She turns, facing the back of Zag. He leaps off with a Moonsault! Alice meets him with a pair of knees! She drops him with a sort of upside down Codebreaker!!! Zag falls onto his back as the crowd goes wild!!! Alice covers him. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
Smith: Amazingly Alice Knight is back in the lead!!
Hood: Son of a mother fucking WHORE!!
Smith: Easy
Hood: I swear if she pulls this out…
~”OWL! IS! NIGHT!” fills the arena. The rafters feel as though they are shaking. The fans are clamoring for an Alice Knight victory. Grenier rises from the dead. He stands in a corner and eyes the situation. Alice is sitting up with an unconscious PerZag next to her. He looks back at the tron which has been displaying the tally. He sees the 1 under Alice’s name. He rushes over to attack Alice. She gets to her feet and dodges a wild punch by Bob. She then quickly hooks Bob for The Apache!! The crowd rises to their feet. Grenier struggles against her…he lifts her up and hangs her out to dry along the top rope!! She teeters up and down with her mouth open wide as the wind has been knocked out of her. Bob then kicks her in the face!! She flips back and lands HARD on the outside floor. Fans at ringside wince as she’s laid out, folded up. Her hair is covering her face. She’s not moving. Grenier looks down and smiles. But, there’s no time to celebrate as PerZag rolls him up. Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: PerZag nearly stole the lead back…but, man, poor Alice.
Hood: She’s fucking done, dude. I’m hoping for brain damage but I’ll settle for a multiple month injury.
Smith: You are an evil man
~Grenier rolls over and is on all fours with PerZag behind him. He crawls for the ropes, clutching the bottom. PerZag gets to his feet and leans against the ropes nearest him. He bounces off…Grenier gets to his knees. PerZag charges and goes for a double kick. Grenier moves. PerZag’s legs fly through the ropes. He’s able to grasp the top rope to keep from falling to the ground and on top of Alice. Zag skins the cat. Before his feet touch the mat, Grenier catches him, carries him into the center of the ring and drops him with a Tombstone Piledriver!! Grenier doesn’t pin Zag, instead electing to reach his feet~
Smith: Strange
Hood: Bob must be high again
Smith: That’s impossible
~Grenier yanks Zag to his feet and goes for another Hollinger Park Hangman. Zag punches Grenier in the gut and hooks him. He spins Grenier around and hits a Rude Awakening!! Zag holds onto Grenier’s head and neck and reaches his feet, bringing Grenier along with him. He then lifts him up and drops him with the PerZag Perfection!! Scruff slides in for the count as PerZag holds the bridge~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!!
Smith: Ahhh…now these guys can’t even keep each other down with their finishers!
Hood: Fuck me…I was joking earlier but I seriously think I’m going to need to get an air mattress or sleeping bag out here.
Smith: Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that
~PerZag yells “FUCK!” he kicks at Grenier. He gets to his feet and looks out at the Australian fans. The man seems perplexed. Grenier is on his side, coughing. The fans rise. Alice Knight rolls into the ring, slowly. She gets to her feet. PerZag is unaware, taking a breather. He turns around as any normal, unsuspecting person would. Alice knees him in the gut and drops him with The Apache!!! She quickly covers Zag as the crowd leaps to their feet~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!!
Smith: NOOOO
Hood: Oh man, I almost had a fucking heart attack
Smith: She was sooo close…I’m HEART broken
~”OWL! IS! NIGHT!” fills the arena yet again. She feeds off the energy as the fans can sense it. Bob is reaching his feet, very much unaware like PerZag was moments ago. Alice gets to hers, feeling the energy. She rushes up to Bob, hooks him and drops him with The Apache!!! The crowd explodes!! She flips him over and covers~
1!
2!
3…NOO!!!!
Smith: He juuuuust got that shoulder up
Hood: I can’t take this shit anymore…I’ve got to hide under the rubble that was once our desk.
Smith: Stop that…what are you doing? Get up here!
Hood: I can’t watch this…it’s too much!
~Alice sits up and covers her face. She falls over and pounds on the mat in frustration. “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” continues to echo. The fans try to urge her on. She crawls into a corner and uses the ropes to get to her feet. She tries to remain standing but slouches against the middle rope. PerZag crawls into a corner and sits against the bottom turnbuckle for a break. Grenier soon does the same. All three competitors are in a corner, breathing heavily, at the point of exhaustion. The crowd rises to their feet and gives the three competitors a standing ovation~
Smith: We all know who I’m pulling for…but, at this point, I just have to applaud these three with the rest of the fans, what a match. Hood?
Hood: Sorry, I can’t see anything, my head is buried under this piece of plywood
Smith: Damnit man, do your job.
~Hood’s hand appears out from under the plywood and it slaps against it to create a clapping sound~
Hood: There, ya fucking happy now?
Smith: Ugh
~Zag looks at Grenier. Grenier nods. They look at Alice. Alice picks up on the non-verbal communication and she holds her hands up. They approach her. She starts throwing forearms. She nails Grenier. He staggers back. She kicks Zag in the knee…he staggers back. She tries to get out of the corner, but Grenier trips her. Zag picks her up and pulls her arms back, restraining her. Grenier steps forward and he drills her in the stomach. The crowd boos~
Smith: I hate this
Hood: Hate what? Is she losing? She’s losing isn’t she? Alright, I think I’ve done just enough hiding!
Smith: Of course
Hood: Oh man, this match sure did get a hell of a lot better
~Alice is weary. Zag lifts her up onto Grenier’s shoulders, set up for a powerbomb. Grenier turns and slams her back into the top turnbuckle. He keeps her held up and turns like he’s going to powerbomb her into the center of the ring. Alice, though, hooks her legs around Grenier’s head and tosses him with a Huricanrana!! He shoots into PerZag, knocking into him. PerZag stumbles through the ropes!! He lands roughly on the outside. Grenier remains on his feet. He turns around. Alice jumps up and locks him for an Apache…she then climbs the ropes with her feet, kicks off and drills him with a Tornado Apache!!! The crowd explodes!! Alice turns him over and hooks both legs…Scruff makes the count as the crowd and Smith count along~
1!
2!!!
3!!!!!!!
~The bell rings as the arena erupts with cheers and adulation. Well, aside from one man~
Hood: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Smith: She’s done it!! I literally can’t believe what I’m seeing!!
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND THE NEWWWWW OCW CHAMPION….ALICE KNIGHT!!!!!
~”OWL! IS! NIGHT! OWL! IS! NIGHT! OWL! IS! NIGHT!!!~
Smith: After all these years! After the missed opportunities…the blown chances…Alice Knight has reached the top of OCW! She sits atop the pole!
Hood: Oh man, you so walked into that one…but I’m too fucking depressed to make a joke at her expense…I need pills, booze, and weapons.
~The chants continue to pour down. PerZag is furious. He picks up the ring steps and hurls them into the barricade. He walks up the ramp, fuming. Grenier rolls out and stumbles around, looking concussed. A few Canadians hop the barricade and help him to the back. As soon as he disappears behind the curtain the Dravers come hustling down with their tag titles draped over their shoulders. Alice is sitting in a corner, stunned. Scruff receives the OCW Title from Belvedere. The Dravers enter the ring and help Alice to her feet. Scruff the bum hands Alice the storied, coveted OCW Title. She drapes it over her shoulder as the Dravers lift her up on theirs. The crowd goes wild. Even the Canadians and Aussies have given way to the moment and start to applaud~
Smith: What a moment. This might be the greatest moment in OCW’s history, right Hood?
Hood: Sorry, I was trying to make a shank out of some of this plywood but it’s too fucking flimsy. Nothing is going right tonight…
~The Dravers parade her around for a lap before placing her down and hopping out of the ring. Confetti is covering the mat. They head up the ramp, watching the ring, giving her an ovation. They, too, step through the curtain, leaving Alice alone in the ring to soak in the moment~
Smith: I really hate it when people chant this, but I think she deserves this
Hood: NO! FUCKING PERZAG DESERVES IT…GRENIER DESERVES IT…
Smith: How can you say that?
Hood: Because I have a voice and lips…and a tongue
Smith: Well this is a tremendous moment…oh here come the fireworks!