LIVE! Monday, February 6th 2017
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
Richard: OK, boys. Tonight, is what you’ve been working towards. You go out there tonight and you win that match. ~The twins nod~ Alex: And, and! When you win, I want to come in the ring! ~Jonathan smiles and Nathan ruffles his sister’s hair~ Nathan: Haha… We’ll see, Alex. Now. You guys go, find your seats! The show’s about to start! Go on, scoot. ~Charlotte hugs the twins and kisses them on the cheek. Alex hugs her brothers tightly. Alex Richard and Charlotte then leave, leaving the boys to stretch~ Charlotte: Good luck, boys. ~We cut to the live Massacre audience. “CHEER” is on the tron and they are going wild. Larry the Superfan is in the same seat he occupied one week ago. He’s leading the cheers. He starts a chant of “Apologize!” the crowd gets behind it. Larry is wearing a Massacre t-shirt with the fresh, new logo. A few signs are spotted. One says “Rebel for OCW Champion!” another reads “PerZag? More like LAMEZag.” A third cites, “Chad Vargas has brown spit, eww!” And the final sign says, “It took me longer to get to work than it did for Alice to fly in from Japan.” We focus in on the announce team. Hood and Smith appear fresh and ready to go~ Smith: Hello again everybody and welcome to Monday Night Massacre!! We’ve got a full slate for you this evening as we present seven matches! Hood: SEVEN? Are we getting overtime for this? Smith: Negative. Hood: Son of a bitch…if it weren’t for the fact that there are three referees in this organization but only one refs all the matches…I’d probably feel undervalued. ~Smith points to the giant photo of Buffet staring down on them~ Hood: Eheh…but who am I kidding…I love this job! It could be worse, right Smith? Smith: I suppose anything could be worse Hood: Well not anything…don’t be so dramatic. Smith: Okay, fine…how could your situation be worse? Hood: I could be Jones. Smith: Ah, yea, poor Jones ~We cut backstage for a brief second where Jones hears his name and pops out of his seat like the kid at the end of the bench waiting for playing time. He quickly realizes it was said, on air, in passing and sulks back into his chair, burying his chin in his hands~ Smith: We’re running the gamut here tonight, folks. All of our top stars…or, well, most of them will be showcased inside the squared circle. Hood: Squared circle…who came up with that name? Smith: Why on Earth are you just now asking that? Hood: Because it just hit me as a really stupid nickname. How can a square be a circle? Smith: Stop speaking. Folks, as if that weren’t enough…we’ve got a main event for the OCW Tag Team Championship! The Dravers Boys will take on Tornado Alley in what is sure to be a great contest. Hood: What about Annie? What ABOUT HER? Smith: That’s right, Annie Alvarez has re-signed and is going to be here…tonight! Hood: PHUCK yea Smith: Easy, tiger Hood: I’ve always seen myself as more of a lion. Smith: It’s parlance, Hood. Relax…folks, I'm being told we have something to see backstage!
Who're: Hi, Rebel right? I'm Who're, wondering if I could have a few moments?
~Rebel grins widely and nods~
Rebel: Hey sure, I've got a match coming up, but there's always time for a chat.
Who're: OK, Rebel, last week on Massacre you put on an impressive display against Debris, putting him down convincingly, but this week you face Lance Savage, what can we expect from you.
Rebel: Well Who're, did I say that the right way?
~Who're smiles and nods~
Who're: Finally...someone who gets it right.
Rebel: Just takes a clear set of ears. Well listen, Who're. This week, as you say, I face Lance Savage, a completely different beast from the man I faced just one week ago, a guy with a real killer instinct, an instinct I'm sure I can, however, overwhelm.
Who're: But that's the question, how are you going to take down the veteran Savage?
Rebel: I'll gladly let you know I'm confident, that what I have planned, will be enough to continue my winning ways here at OCW, but Who're, you must know, in order for a plan to work, I can't really give away the details, all I can say is, watch what goes down in that ring, watch it play out in front of your face, in front of all those faces in the arena, and I'm sure we'll all come out happy.
~Who're nods, a little disappointed, but satisfied with his confidence~
Who're: From what I've read you have a pretty impressive resume around the world, so I have to ask, what drew you to the relaunch of this company?
Rebel: Well, for quite some time I had been keeping an eye on events here, always looked like one of the best, a great place to ply my trade, and a passionate group of fans, and talent, to put on great matches in front of. I watched intently, when, after a failed attempt to relaunch before, OCW finally stepped back out of the shadows and put on that great opening show. When I saw that, I knew where I was needed, and got in touch, after some consideration we got the OK, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Who're: However, we can't help but notice, it seems like you've brought trouble with you. Those snake guys, should we be worried.
~Rebel smiles, takes a moment, and continues~
Rebel: Tell me something Who're, do you see that black car that just pulled into the parking lot?
~Who're glances over, and shakes her head~
Rebel: He's trying to blend in, but they're not very clever, the car with the guy inside who still hasn't got out.
~She looks again, scrunches her eyes to look more closely, and with a shocked look, nods~
Rebel: This is all they can do, follow me with no ability at hiding, they're nothing to worry about...well, unless they somehow take control of OCW, and, doing my research, that's unlikely to happen.
Who're: Well that's OK then, glad you're not in any real danger, do you have any final words before the show tonight?
Rebel: Sure, yeah, a few. See, tonight is the second time I'm making my way into the OCW arena, and last week there were some things which made me a little concerned.
Who're: I wouldn't suggest...
~Rebel raises a hand, she stops~
Rebel: It's just a little thing, to the fans in attendance, don't feel like you have to follow direction, let yourselves go...
~The feed is cut short...we cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Rebel seems confident tonight and given how he's looked so far...he should be!
Hood: I don't know how Nathan Dravers is going to take Rebel macking on his woman.
Smith: Who'Re is not Nathan Dravers woman...they just had some mild flirtation
Hood: Yea, well, still he was all having her check out that black car...you know what that means...
Smith: It means he was addressing some alarming personal issues in his life
Hood: Psshaw, yea right...did you see the how long that back seat area was? Oh yea, he knows what he's doing
Smith: Stop it, Who'Re...despite what her name may suggest, is an upstanding, classy woman. And, before you undercut what I just said...let's toss it to the ringside area for our opening match of the evening!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall…introducing first…
~Tibetan chanting fills up the arena. Truda slowly makes his way to the ring. His eyes are shut, the energy of the crowd is feeding into him. He reaches the ringside area. He takes in a deep breath and opens his eyes. He ascends the steps and enters into the ring~
Belvedere: From Tibet…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 198lbs…Truda!!
~”Rock Superstar” by Cypress Hill hits. The crowd turns and reacts positively toward Reid. He looks ahead at Truda with focus and heads down to the ring. He steps up, onto the apron and enters into the ring~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Brooklyn, New York…standing 6’9 and weighing in at 315lbs….Reid!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Interesting match up here. Truda was a big disappointment last week. So much so that management was reportedly done with the Tibetan athlete. But, tonight, he gets a second chance.
Hood: Second chances are for losers
Smith: No they are not
Hood: Umm, yea they are. You wouldn’t be getting a second chance if you hadn’t lost, dumbass
~Truda takes a karate type stance. Reid approaches him in a similar stance, only more MMA molded. Truda kicks Reid in the thigh. Reid grimaces. Truda does it again. Reid grimaces a second time. Truda repeats the kick a third time. Reid grimaces and hobbles. Reid throws a punch at Truda, but Truda dodges it and kicks Reid in the back of the knee. Reid stumbles forward, clutching the ropes to keep from falling. He looks at Truda with surprise. He works his left leg in and out…the leg Truda has been focusing on~
Smith: I don’t think Reid expected this
Hood: I guess he’s no longer OCW’s best MMA fighter. I mean, it wasn’t like he had a bunch of fucking competition to stake that claim atop. But, man, now he’s not even on top…he’s like, number two. Maybe number three…
Smith: Who would be second?
Hood: Larry…I saw him punch the soda machine earlier when it didn’t spit out his coke. He’s got a wicked right hand.
Smith: I hate that soda machine
~Reid rushes at Truda. He fires a messy bunch of lefts and rights. Truda dodges each of them and hops out of the way. Reid finds himself punching the top turnbuckle. He turns around and sees Truda back in his stance, awaiting an approach. Reid shakes his head and is breathing quite heavily. He steps to Truda and throws a kick. Truda blocks it and nails Reid across the chin with an open palm. Reid staggers to his right and holds the point of impact, stunned~
Smith: This is NOT the Truda we saw one week ago
Hood: No shit, this guy looks alive
Smith: I wonder what the difference is
Hood: Maybe he was out partying the night before last week’s show? Or, maybe he has an evil, really sucks at wrestling twin.
~Reid’s frustration increases. He charges at Truda with a running clothesline. Truda ducks and kicks Reid in the back of the head! Reid stumbles into the corner. He turns around and staggers towards Truda. Truda lifts his leg up and kicks Reid in the face, knocking him to the mat with a big boot~
Smith: Big boot by Truda…he looks so composed, so tranquil
Hood: One with the spirit of the universe or whatever, right?
Smith: I’d say so…not the type to apply any dirty shenanigans
~Reid stumbles to his feet. Truda is walking around and humming, with his eyes closed. Reid stands in the middle of the ring, wobbly. Truda kicks him right in the groin~
Smith: Oh my
Hood: You were saying…peace, tranquility…all that shit?
Smith: Well, nobody is perfect, Hood.
~Truda stands in front of Reid, humming with his eyes closed. His humming stops, his eyes open and he drops Reid with a Stunner!! Reid flops onto his back as Truda makes the cover. Scruff counts~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings and Truda gets his hand raised~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…TRUDA!!!!!
Smith: Impressive win by Truda! He makes the most of his second chance.
Hood: Yea well you only get one shot at a first impression with me, Smith.
Smith: Is that so?
Hood: Yes, so to me Truda will always be that guy who did that thing in that match one week ago that was, ya know, not effective.
Smith: You don’t remember his first impression at all, do you?
Hood: Well, I mean the details are kind of sketchy…but I remember the result.
Smith: Yea, well that was last week…this is now. Truda is victorious and on his way to bigger and better things.
Hood: Sure
Smith: Please, try and curb your enthusiasm...
Hood: Larry David is a great man. He should have been Pope.
Smith: Oh come on! That's impossible! Larry David is Jewish! ...ya know what...forget it. *sigh* Alright, well folks...as you probably noticed, a certain someone was left off tonight's show. I'm being told he is arriving as we speak and, if I know anything about this man then I'm willing to wager he is not pleased over his absence. So, let's see what happens!
Swole Guy: As Per the orders of Mr. European, Though shall not pass. You are not welcome. You my friend are insubordinate.
~Grenier punches this beast in the mouth and 3 more security guards jump in. Grenier is throwing haymakers at everyone. He accidentally strikes Jones, who was on the scene and continues to put up a fight until he is finally subdued~
~We cut to a blank screen. A cursor begins blinking. Slow, consistent words begin to flow as though they are being type~
After last week’s inappropriate actions, Bob Grenier has been banned from competing inside an OCW ring. Jimmy Buffet is a compassionate man, a caring man. He has given Bob Grenier a chance to redeem his career. If Bob Grenier wishes to compete in an OCW ring again, he must apologize during tonight’s broadcast.
We at OCW apologize profusely to everyone who was offended by the comments Bob Grenier made about the great OCW owner and the company’s fair, unbiased, hardworking management.
Stay tuned. Bob Grenier apologizes, tonight~
~We cut back to the crowd. Larry the OCW Superfan is looking around at all the fans. Some of them are beginning to chant for Grenier. The tron posts “STOP”. They stop. Larry starts a chant of “Apologize!” the crowd gets behind it~
Smith: First time I’ve heard that chant echo inside an OCW arena
Hood: Bob Grenier isn’t going to apologize. Apologies are for gelatinous creatures without a spine, Smith. GELATINOUS.
Smith: Well, Grenier does have a spine.
Hood: Correctamundo…I’ve seen his chart. It’s all bony and slightly curved…but, it’s back there.
Smith: What were you doing looking at his medical file?
Hood: Uhh…err…stuff, ya know?
Smith: Right, stuff…
Hood: Plus, that was when [blank] ran things. I’m pretty sure all our medical records were just kind of laying around in the hallways.
Smith: That wouldn’t surprise me.
~Bob Grenier walks to the ring without entrance music because the guys in the truck have been instructed not to. He carries his desecrated OCW title on his shoulder and wears a scowl, yet the people still cheer him. This makes him smile a little bit as he tosses his title into the ring and slides underneath the bottom rope. He demands a microphone and they are reluctant to give him one, they eventually do~
Smith: I'm assuming this is the part of the show where Grenier must apologize.
Hood: I have it on good authority Bob will, in fact, say some words.
Smith: I don't doubt your source on that one.
~Bob raises the microphone to a thunderous applause~
Bob: Jimmy Buffet.. I'm sorry.
~Grenier puts his head down and places his fingers on his temples. He suddenly raises his head and takes down his hood with a look of disdain~
Bob: I'm sorry that your only claim to fame is Magaritaville. I'm sorry that you don't know how to operate a professional wrestling organization.. You don't know how to treat a champion. This company is getting on every last one of my goddamn nerves. In order for me to even get into this tournament, I had to defeat some roided' out, green as shit wrestler, While putting my goddamn safety on the line, Last week in order to move on I had to defeat two more jackwagons and I did that! So somebody come out here.. Look me in the goddamn eye and tell me why some bitch win's one ******G match and gets to cruise right into a triple threat match for the OCW Title, An OCW Title I never lost to begin with.
~The crowd chants "Owl Is Night!" over and over again. Grenier rolls his eyes and mouths the word ‘brainwashed’. He continues~
Bob: Where is the justice? Alice Knight, You haven't earned shit and I am going to break you in half, in more ways than one. To the old regime, Bob Grenier is not worth the cost of the piece of paper his contract is printed on. To the new regime Bob Grenier is not even worth a phone call and it makes me sick. Makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the loyalty I've showed, The sacrifices I've made for this company. When they stripped me of my title, For no reason at all, They stripped me of my joy. They stripped me of the one thing I cared about more than anything in this world. I know I talk too much, I know I say some absurd shit sometimes, I know at times I can be a good for nothing pot head.. But I always showed up, I always put on a show, Top matches on a nightly basis, I bring something new to the table each and every time I step between these OCW ropes, and it makes me sick knowing that doesn't mean anything to anyone in the back.
~The crowd stops the ‘Owl is Night’ chant and breaks into a small, albeit growing ‘Bob!’ chant. For the first time all evening, Bob smiles~
Bob Grenier: And, despite those ridiculous bird chants…I'm thankful that my struggle and sacrifice still means something to all of you.
~The crowd roars in approval and they chant "Let him finish" as security makes their way out to the ring. Apparently his time is up. Bob slides under the bottom rope and grabs himself a chair to sit as they march down the aisle~
Bob: Buffet is going to send out his little goon squad now because he doesn't like what I have to say but I'm not leaving until I'm good and ready.
~He swings the chair at a couple of the guards and when they retreat he plants it in the middle of the ring and sits down~
Bob: I'm assuming my time is up.. Starz, Get used to my insubordinate ass on your network week after week, The things I say are just how it is around here. I'm sorry Bob Grenier doesn't seem to fit into the new OCW. Until I get what I want, Which is my OCW Title and a new Iron Clad deal, There is not shutting my mouth. I want it next week and Jimmy Buffet, I know you can hear me and you better make it happen because you will not keep me out of the building. Either you present me the OCW Championship next week, or on February 20th at Massacre, I destroy Alice Knight and PerZag and take my title back to Canada, Never to be seen again.
~Bob Grenier throws down the mic, grabs his title and makes his way through the crowd towards the exit to a chant of "Bob is Awesome". We cut back to the announcers~
Smith: Bob has given this crowd a breath of life…they weren’t looking to the tron there, were they?
Hood: Nope…I’m not surprised, really. The idiots in the crowd would go nuts for a guy named Bob.
Smith: He has a last name, Hood. His name…is Robert Grenier. His name is Robert Grenier. HIS NAME IS ROBERT GRENIER!
Hood: Stop it, will ya? I know his frenchy sounding last name.
Smith: As long as you will acknowledge it…then we are good. It’s time for our next match…saddle up!
Hood: Don’t ever tell me to saddle up again, fuckin weirdo.
Smith: Why not? Rebel is facing Lance Savage. It should be a great contest.
Hood: Who is this Lance Savage guy? Is this his debut? Is there a lot of hype surrounding him?
Smith: Hood! He wrestled last week and he was in OCW back in 2014!
Hood: Really? I don’t recall any of that.
Smith: Seriously? He’s the guy…*Smith shrinks his voice despite having a mic right in front of his damn mouth* he’s the guy with only one eye.
Hood: WE’RE HIRING CRIPPLES?
Smith: For the love…let’s just head down to ringside.
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall…
~The lights around the arena turn to red as the opening strains of "Slow Me Down" by the Devin Townsend Band play out, the lights flicker red and white. The camera swoops down to the entrance to show the silhouette of a man, his back turned to the camera, with his left hand raised in a fist above his head, the lights all suddenly burst on as a huge explosion rocks the arena. Rebel rotates quickly, pumping his fist at his side as he does, he begins the walk down to the ring, reaching out periodically to shake hands with the fans. “Cheer!” appears on the tron. The fans follow suit and cheer Rebel. It’s obvious by their initial reaction he would have been cheered without any visual assistance. He jumps up onto the ring apron and turns quickly, his arms wrapped around the top rope, again he pumps his left fist in the air then hops over the top rope. He walks around the ring, his fist raised, then stops in the middle, a bank of red fireworks sweep across the side of the ring behind him~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’7 and weighing in at 240lbs….Rebel!!!
~”Underground” by Evermore begins to play as the fans look to the tron. “Boo” hits the tron and they boo Lance Savage. Savage, unaffected by the boos he’s accustomed to receiving, marches toward the ring keeping his vision on the man inside the ropes. He hops onto the apron and enters~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Parts Unknown, standing 6’6 and weighing in at 250lbs…”The Demon” Lance Savage!!!
~The bell rings and Belvedere exits~
Smith: A couple of OCW’s biggest in this one.
Hood: But not OCW’s brightest.
Smith: Says who?
Hood: Logic…I mean have you ever heard of any Ivy League grads from Parts Unknown?
Smith: How about Rebel?
Hood: He’s from Chicago…bleh
~Savage and Rebel meet in the middle of the ring. Savage strikes first with a forearm! Rebel fires back! The two big men nail each other with forearm after forearm, neither budging an inch. Rebel goes for his shot in the rotation…but, this time, Savage blocks it and he delivers a vicious forearm uppercut! Rebel staggers back. Savage charges at Rebel and drops him to the mat with a short arm clothesline~
Smith: The OCW veteran, Lance Savage with early control in this one.
Hood: Why do people just stand there and punch each other in the face? I mean, doesn’t that hurt?
Smith: I can’t answer that one, Hood
Hood: I don’t know, maybe Hollywood is full of shit. Maybe punches don’t hurt all that much…maybe the UFC guys and pro boxers are just big time pussies. Here, let’s punch each other.
Smith: I’M NOT JOINING ANY CLUB WITH YOU, HOOD
~Savage yanks Rebel to his feet. Rebel knees Savage in the gut. Savage doubles over and Rebel drops him with a Swinging Neck Breaker!! Rebel gets to his feet and backs into the nearest corner. He walks toward Savage, who is on his back. He lifts a knee up and drops it into the head of Savage! Savage grabs his face and rolls around in pain~
Smith: Simple, yet effective…a knee into the face.
Hood: I once tore my knee hitting someone in the face with it
Smith: Really? That seems kind of hard to do.
Hood: Psshaw…well…well…I mean, you should see the other guy.
Smith: Was he hurt?
Hood: Hurt? He was more than hurt, I tell ya. His face fell off!
Smith: Right
~Rebel perches himself on the middle rope. Savage gets on all fours. Rebel leaps off with a leg drop. Savage rolls out of the way and Rebel lands on his ass! Savage grabs the ropes and leverages into a standing position. He runs up behind Rebel, who is seated, and kicks him in the back of the head!! Rebel falls over, limply~
Smith: Again…simple yet effective. Not much in the way of science going on in this match.
Hood: Thank heavens, science blows, man.
Smith: I rather enjoyed science.
Hood: No shock there. You look like the type of guy who’d get off on learning about the sexual organs of plants.
~Savage stomps on Rebel a few times. He pulls Rebel to his feet and whips him into a corner. Rebel hits hard! Savage charges in with a clothesline! He holds onto the top ropes and takes a step back…he drives a shoulder into the gut of Rebel. Rebel’s mouth opens wide, gasping for air. Savage picks him up, carries him out of the corner and drills him into the mat with a spinebuster! Savage goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Tremendous force shown by Lance Savage…he almost earned himself a victory.
Hood: But Rebel…true to his name, wasn’t going to take shit lying down. He kicked out of that mother fucking pin!
Smith: Umm, thanks for that bit of commentary
~Savage methodically reaches his feet and brings Rebel to his. He knees Rebel in the gut and smashes a forearm across his upper back. Rebel stumbles into Savage. Savage hooks him and lifts Rebel into the air for a suplex but drops him straight down into a Brianbuster! He goes for another pin, the ref counts~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Another near pinfall! Savage is all over this victory he just can’t seem to grasp it.
Hood: Well, maybe he should just slap it around a bit. That helps.
Smith: Stop
~Savage, showing more frustration this go around, returns to his feet. He pulls Rebel up and whips him into the ropes. Savage lifts his leg up, going for a big boot. Rebel ducks it and hits the ropes. Savage turns around and Rebel runs him over with a clothesline!! Savage falls down to the mat, hard. Rebel staggers into the ropes and takes a breath, still recovering from the punishment he’s received~
Smith: And there it is! Rebel is back in this!
Hood: Can’t blame the guy for not wanting to get hit in the face with a shoe. Especially the shoe belonging to a man with only one eye.
Smith: Why or how does that matter?
Hood: Because he probably can’t see where he’s going and is always stepping into puddles and junk.
Smith: Right
~Rebel recovers and turns around. Savage is already on one knee, about to resume a standing position. Savage gets to his feet and interlocks his hands like he’s going for a double axe handle. Rebel dodges it and grabs hold of Savage. He tosses Savage over his shoulder with a T-Bone Suplex!! Savage hits hard and holds his back in pain~
Smith: T-Bone!
Hood: Where? I’m STARVING
Smith: Sorry, T-Bone Suplex
Hood: Son of a bitch
~Savage is back to his knees, showing great resilience. Rebel charges at him and drills him, face first into the mat with a one armed bulldog!! Savage is flat on his face, lying on the mat. Rebel backs into a corner, waiting for Savage to get to his feet. Savage does and bends over, gasping for air. Rebel runs at him, going for a Fameasser. Savage, though, lifts Rebel up and drops him into the center of the ring with a Powerbomb!! Savage goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!!!
Smith: Whew…close one there!
Hood: No shit…guy needs to wake up. Not everybody is…whoever the fuck he beat last week.
Smith: That would be Debris.
Hood: Ahhh, the note thief.
~Savage sits up and shakes his head. That’s three pin attempts that have failed. He gets to his feet and pulls Rebel up. He lifts Rebel onto his shoulder, looking for Vicious Death (Tombstone Piledriver). Rebel wiggles, realizing what’s about to happen. He slides off the back of Savage and hooks his head…he drives Savage down with the Rebel Yell (Scorpion Death Drop)!! Rebel hurries to the nearest corner as the crowd gets on their feet~
Smith: Great reversal by the rookie! Now he’s going for Revolution!
Hood: A rebel starting a revolution, eh?
Smith: Indeed! If he hits this, it will be OVER
~Rebel is on the top rope. Savage has yet to move. He leaps off and connects with Revolution (450 Splash)!!! Rebel pins Savage, Scruff counts and the crowd counts along~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings and Rebel gets his hand raised as the crowd cheers loudly~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…REBEL!!!!!
Smith: Tremendous win for Rebel! He continues his ascension in OCW.
Hood: Yep and it’s only going to get tougher from here on.
Smith: Indeed…but baby steps, so I’m thinking his next opponent should be…
Hood: SYREN
Smith: Uh, no.
Hood: Mope?
Smith: How did you go from…you know what, never mind. Let’s head backstage!
Who’Re: Is there, like…anyway we can just cut the who out and go with Re? Maybe add a y to it? I think that would be better for my career.
Director: Sorry, Whore. But we’ve got to go with what’s on the contract.
Who’Re: Pleeeeease? It worked in Star Wars…
Director: Even if I wanted to, I’d have to run it past The Eastern European who would have to run it up to Mr. Welsh. There’s nothing we can do…not to mention we are live right now…so, why don’t you just do the damn interview.
~Who’Re’s eyes narrow as she glares at the lens for a moment. She widens her eyes, smiles and gets into nice mode~
Who’Re: Who-Ray here and I’d like to respond to the sweet letter belonging to Nathan Dravers as well as reaching out to my fans. First, to Nathan…your well penned, carefully crafted letter was extremely touching…
~AKB, in the background, makes a fist with his right hand, cocks his mouth half open, lifts his right hand to the open part and moves it back and forth with his tongue poking the closed cheek…making it look like he’s sucking someone off. The crowd is heard giggling. The director giggles. Who’Re stops speaking and turns around. AKB quits what he’s doing and puts his hands up, smiling. She narrows her eyes again, this time with suspicion. She slowly turns around and continues~
Who’Re: I was flattered when I heard about your infatuation with me. You’re not too bad looking yourself…
~AKB mimes jerking off. Again, the crowd and film crew giggles. Who’Re stops and glares at AKB. He stops before she catches him~
AKB: What?
Who’Re: I know you’re up to something back there.
AKB: Just smiling with support, babe. You’re doing great!
~AKB gives her a thumbs up. She rolls her eyes and looks back into the camera, keeping her composure~
Who’Re: So, I wouldn’t mind getting together at next week’s Massacre for a….
~AKB is on his feet, acting like he’s giving it to a girl from behind. The director busts out laughing as the crowd releases their loudest giggles yet. Who’Re turns around quicker than before and finally catches AKB. He stops and smiles~
Who’Re: ALPHA KENNY!
Director: Excuse me, Mr. Body?
AKB: Yea?
Director: I’ve been told you have a guest waiting for you outside.
AKB: Ah, that’s fantastic. Catch you guys later.
~AKB exits. Who’Re breathes in and out, calming down. She’s finally able to focus without AKB behind her. She stares into the camera and opens her mouth. We cut away to the announce table~
Smith: Apologies to Who’Re…but our time was up and we had to get back to the in-ring action.
Hood: I can’t believe she was offering to sexually pleasure all those people like that on national television! I mean, there’s being a whore and then there’s…well…there’s that.
Smith: She wasn’t offering any adult services, Hood! That was AKB acting like a jerk.
Hood: Oh no it wasn’t. I saw the twinkle in whore’s eye. All that gibberish she spewed was basically “Hey, let’s fuck” in whorese.
Smith: Right, well I don’t believe any of that. But I do believe we have some more matches…so down to the ringside area we go!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall.
~”Tear Away” by Drowning Pool fires up. The tron remains blank. Management would like to promote a joyful atmosphere for one of their signees. But, given Coe’s attitude, they find it beyond the reach of pliable effort. Coe emerges from behind the curtain and protrudes a strut full of disdain as he reaches the ringside area. He climbs in and shoulders into Scruff while finding a corner to stand in~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from 6’2 and weighing in at 215lbs…from Miami Beach, Florida….Tatum Coe!!!
~ The lights of the arena go out. All that is seen is a small glow of light from the entrance ramp. ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ by Survivor starts to play over the PA system. A hooded figure walks on to the entrance ramp. The lights come back on as the hooded figure stands still on the stage. The hooded figure walks down to the ring slowly. He gets into the ring and stands in the centre of it. He slowly removes the hood and the crowd gives a mixed reaction to him. 'Eye Of The Tiger' by Survivor stops playing as PerZag walks over to a corner in the ring and crouches down near it.~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Benalla, Victoria, Australia, standing 6’5 and weighing in at 216lbs…PerZag!!!
~The bell rings with Zag and Coe in opposing corners~
Smith: I’ve heard that OCW management has softened on PerZag in recent weeks.
Hood: Recent weeks? You act like he’s been back for months. He’s only been here for two weeks.
Smith: It’s an expression, Hood.
Hood: Kind of like the one I’m making right now?
Smith: I’m glad our cameras are focused on the ring
~Coe and Zag meet in the middle. Coe has some choice words for the former Paradigm Champion. PerZag remains statuesque, taking them in. It’s impossible to tell if they are having any effect. Coe, growing enraged at PerZag’s lack of reaction delivers a wicked open handed slap across PerZag’s left cheek. PerZag’s head jerks to the right with his hair covering his facial features. Coe steps as close as he can without his nose touching the side of PerZag’s face. He continues to condescend. PerZag throws his head back and headbutts Coe in the face!! Coe staggers back into his corner. Zag marches in and punches Coe in the face. He delivers blow after blow until Coe slouches and manages to wiggle his way through the ropes, to the floor. He covers his face and marches around the ring, trying to shake off the pain~
Smith: That wasn’t smart
Hood: I know, Coe is going to be pissed when he gets back in the ring.
Smith: I was talking about Coe’s actions.
Hood: You can’t blame the man for being slightly irrational. After all, he did have a ten thousand dollar sweater savagely ripped apart last week.
Smith: Hardly!
~Coe displays an alarming lack of awareness. He continues walking the perimeter of the ring, rubbing his face. Zag, with more awareness than Coe, walks over, waits and then slides through the ropes, feet first. He kicks Coe in the side of the head. Coe’s body stumbles into the barricade. He nearly knocks Larry the Superfan over. Larry kind of shrieks…but he quickly recovers a semblance of manhood. Zag drills Coe in the head with another punch. He fills his right hand with Coe’s black hair and hurls him into the ring. Zag hops onto the apron, displaying his athleticism and he steps through the ropes. Coe gets to his feet and Zag leaps into the air, drilling both of his feet into Coe’s face with a picture perfect dropkick~
Smith: PerZag looks sharp. You know, with all the buzz surrounding Alice Knight and Bob Grenier one week ago, a lot of people forgot about PerZag.
Hood: PerZag and Dre…good company.
Smith: Hey, I never forgot about Dre.
Hood: Please, stop…the thought of you listening to Dre causes my brain to freeze up.
~Zag pops back to his feet and pulls Coe to his. The scowl on Coe’s face has been smacked away. He’s a dazed mess. Zag drills him with a forearm beneath the chin. Coe falls into the ropes, leaning on them for support. Zag knees Coe in the gut, hooks him and drops him into the center of the ring with a suplex. Zag goes for the surprisingly quick cover~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Tatum Coe isn’t done yet
Hood: After a suplex? I’d fucking hope not.
Smith: A suplex is a dangerous move that is worthy of winning a match.
Hood: I don’t think a damn suplex has won a match since September 5th, 1941.
Smith: Fairly exact date…
Hood: Well, with it being such a rarity…kinda makes the event hard to forget.
~Zag pulls Coe to his feet and shoves him into a corner. Coe throws a punch, Zag blocks it and headbutts Coe in the chest. Coe grimaces. Zag knees Coe in the chest, he gasps for air. Zag then hooks Coe for a Perfect Plex. He drills Coe in the ring, holding the leg. But, this time, PerZag lets go, much to the surprise of Scruff and the fans~
Smith: What’s he doing?
Hood: Maybe he felt some hair on Coe’s leg and it grossed him out.
Smith: Huh?
Hood: You know how when you’re hand is riding up a girl’s leg and you feel stubble…it’s kinda gross, man.
Smith: Coe is a man.
Hood: Hey, if you don’t like my answers you shouldn’t ask me any questions.
Smith: If only that were an option
~PerZag pulls Coe to his feet and kicks him in the gut. Coe doubles over. Zag lifts him up for a powerbomb. Instead of following through with a generic powerbomb, PerZag drops Coe, back first, right across his knees! Coe falls to the mat, unconscious. Zag covers him and Scruff counts~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings and PerZag gets his hand raised in victory~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…PERZAG
Smith: Well, that makes sense…PerZag won with the PerZag Perfection last week and, this week, he wanted to show off the Worthiest Move of them All!
Hood: That is a really long name for a finisher.
Smith: Well, that’s what he calls it.
Hood: We need to narrow it down.
Smith: To?
Hood: PerZag’s Other Finisher
Smith: That’s not much shorter
Hood: Yea, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to remember
Smith: Not everything in life needs to be easy, Hood.
Hood: Yes…yes it does.
Smith: Alright folks...I'm being told we've got something interesting going on in the back...let's see what's going down!
Hood: Going down? Geezus
Smith: Leave me alone
Annie Alvarez: Yes, I know. I know that. I got it! I’m standing, like, right outside the building. This AKB guy is looking right at me. Calm down, would you? I understand everything. Stop being so pushy!
~Annie finally hangs up and turns her attention and smile toward AKB~
Annie Alvarez: Hey, you must be that guy who’ll fuck anybody.
~AKB’s eyes pop as he sees the attractive female heading in his direction~
AKB: Alpha Kenny Body, at your service…Miss…miss…sorry, I didn’t quite catch your name.
~Annie steps close to AKB and leans in, whispering into his ear~
Annie Alvarez: That’s because I didn’t give it to you.
~She removes his key card and steps back, smiling. AKB takes a quick hit off his cigarette with a giant smile on his face~
AKB: Do you wanna grab a drink? Down a shot of jack and see what happens, maybe?
Annie Alvarez: Aww…sorry, but I’ve got some stuff to burn. Maybe later.
AKB: I've got a really neat ceiling back at my place...you should really come and see it...
~Annie is unfazed, turning and using AKB’s card to unlock the door and enter. AKB stands there nodding with a mission on his mind and determination in his eyes. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Well, she’s here…
Hood: I don’t know what she sees in AKB…
Smith: A sucker who allowed his access card to get stolen
Hood: Do you think she remembers me?
Smith: Probably not, Hood. You sit at an announce table and watch her on a small screen television.
Hood: Your words cut deep, Smith…you vicious bastard.
Smith: Hey, the truth hurts
Hood: I need a stiff drink.
Smith: The concession guy is right over there. I think he’s packing some non-alcoholic O’Douls.
Hood: Ef Em El
Smith: Nice. Anyway, folks…let’s head down to ringside for our next match!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall….
~A midi version of “Loser” by Beck plays. Dan White steps out from behind the corner. He’s carrying a bottle of Tussin with him. He takes a swig and wipes some of the sappy, thick red liquid from the side of his mouth. He stumbles to ringside. Larry the OCW Superfan tries to take the medicine away but Dan White will have none of it. He yells, in a Welsh accent “I WILL BE HAVING NONE OF THAT MY BOY”. He walks the steps and enters into the ring~
Belvedere: From Cardiff, Wales…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 254lbs…”The Welsh Dragon” Dan White!
~Dan White takes a big swigs of his Tussin. “That’s right, I’m Dan White! Look at me, I’m Dan White, the Welsh Dragon! I breathe fire and I can fly…when I’m on a plane. I’m the man! Wooo!” He continues yelling on. The familiarty belonging to the opening of “Needle and the Spoon” by Lynyrd Skynyrd cuts a heavily medicated Dan White off. He seems angry despite his rant being pure gibberish. The fans buzz. They are anxious. Chad Vargas emerges from behind the curtain. He looks focused, pissed, angry…you get the idea. He marches for the ring, staring at his competitor for this evening~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Everclear County, Tennessee…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 245lbs…Chad Varg…
~Before Belvedere can finish, Vargas rushes into the ring and pushes Belvedere toward the ropes. A man of high intelligence, Belvedere gets the point and exits. The bell rings. White tries talking drunken shit to Vargas. Vargas kicks him in the gut. Grabs him by the hair, pulls him to a standing position and drills him into the mat with The Stroke!! The crowd pops huge. Vargas gets to his feet and demands a mic. Belvedere hands it to him~
Smith: Chad Vargas has this won…why isn’t he pinning Dan White?
Hood: Would you?
Smith: Umm, yea…it’s how you win matches.
Hood: I wouldn’t lie on top of an extremely drunk Welshman, Smith. You never know what might spring into action.
Smith: So you’d forfeit the match…
Hood: No, I’d make him submit.
Smith: How? He’s drunk on Robitussin. He’s not feeling anything.
Hood: I’d take his Tussin away.
Smith: Ooohh…that might work.
Chad Vargas: Fuck this incredible bullshit. [blank] get your ass down here! Get down here right fucking now and face me like a man. No hiding in the back, no hiding behind authority. You step out here and face me, man to man. C’mon, son…let’s go!
~Nothing happens. Vargas is left standing like a scorned bride at the altar. He spots Dan White, crawling for his Tussin. Vargas yanks him by the hair, picks him up and drops him with another Stroke!!! White is motionless~
Smith: Another Stroke!
Hood: Damn, if he keeps doing that, Dan White might suffer an actual stroke.
Smith: That would be terrible for the white family.
Hood: Not really, I hear they are all estranged. It stems from some kind of rugby altercation.
Smith: Seriously?
Hood: Ab.so.lute.ly
Chad Vargas: C’mon, bitch boy! You’ve been hiding from this ass whippin for too long. It’s time you paid up. It don’t even have to be for that title. This can be an impromptu ass kickin courtesy of The Confederate Icon.
~Vargas extends his arms. Nothing happens. He places his hands on his hips and shakes his head. He steps back, slightly and feels White’s body. He picks White up and, for good measure, drops him with another Stroke! He grabs the Tussin out of White’s corner and takes a swig. He places his foot on top of White’s chest~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings. Chad speaks into the mic~
Chad Vargas: Fuck this shit, bitch boy. If you won’t come out here and face this ass whoopin like a man…well…I guess I’m just gonna have to take the ass whoopin on the road, right to your front door.
~Vargas drops the mic and takes another sip of Tussin. Vargas tosses the Tussin out of the ring and hops through the ropes, heading up the ramp. Before he can get halfway, OCW Security guards surround him. He lifts his fists, ready for a fight~
Smith: Well, this is no surprise
Hood: I don’t know what he expected. Drinking alcohol on air is a sure fire way to get punished.
Smith: Dan White started that
Hood: Yea, but the image of Dan White wrestling is more offensive than any on air drinking
~Vargas says ‘fuck it’ and starts fighting off the guards. One by one the guards topple over. The faceless men appear. They rush Vargas. He punches one in the face, it has no effect. It punches Vargas back, knocking his knees into jelly. They subdue Vargas and hold him hostage. He stares up the ramp. The Incredible One emerges with the Eastern European at his side~
Smith: That turned south in a hurry
Hood: No, it turned NORTH
Smith: That’s not how that saying goes, Hood.
Hood: But Vargas is from the south, kind of. The Confederate Icon and all that stuff…so, you see? When it goes bad…it goes NORTH.
Smith: Are you going to write your thesis on this?
Hood: Once I figure out what a thesis is…I just might do that.
~The Incredible One and Eastern European are now standing in front of Vargas. Vargas tries to break free, but is unable. TIO pulls a pair of brass knuckles from his pocket. They are stained red with the blood of Jamoke. He wraps them around his right hand which balls into a fist. He looks down at Vargas as EE holds a mic in front of his mouth~
The Incredible One: Okay, Vargas…here’s the deal. Next week we will compete for the Paradigm Championship. Unless you have a problem with that…do you, have a problem with that?
~TIO is very methodical in his speech. He smiles, pretty much knowing what to expect at this point. Vargas spits at TIO. The wad misses but the intent lands on the mark. Bishop throws a side swiping right into the left side of Chad’s face. Blood flies to the right, along with his head. Bishop grabs the top of Chad’s head and he moves it side to side in a ‘no’ motion~
The Incredible One: Great, so you’re good with that match taking place next week…fabulous. Oh, also…it’s going to be a ladder match. Sound good?
~Vargas spits some blood out and tries to make a smartass remark. But TIO anticipates his vitriol and punches him in the forehead. A gash is opened right beneath Chad’s hairline with blood running down like strawberry juice atop a cheesecake. His head bobs up and down, almost incoherently~
The Incredible One: Not much of a talker tonight, are we? It seems that loquacious persona of yours is on vacation. But, I’ll take a nod of the head as confirmation. So, let’s see…Paradigm Championship match next week…ladder match stipulations…I think I’m forgetting something. What is it…oh, yea, that’s right, Treat Cassidy.
~TIO drills Vargas in the jaw, again…for good measure, apparently. Chad’s eyes are growing heavy as the pain is beginning to subdue his adrenaline…and the Tussin…or maybe the Tussin is taking effect…who knows~
The Incredible One: I’m thinking that maybe we don’t put the Paradigm Championship above the ring. I’m thinking we do something different…something a little more incredible. How about a key? A key that unlocks the cage Treat Cassidy will be standing in, at ringside.
~The fans stir with this announcement. Vargas looks up, coming out of his pain induced coma for a brief second~
Chad Vargas: I’m going to fu…
The Incredible One: Shut the fuck up!
~TIO drills him at the bridge of the nose, busting it. Blood pours from Chad’s nostrils~
The Incredible One: I’m not finished, ahem. If you get the key, you not only win the title, but you get to free Cassidy. If I get the key well, I win the title and I get to have my way with Cassidy after the match. I’m thinking I might give the Paradigm Championship some kind of makeover…a little red hue to the plate…how does that sound?
~Vargas is through responding. He’s been beaten into submission. TIO grabs his head by the hair and jerks it north and south, violently~
The Incredible One: Then it’s settled! Next week, The Incredible One against Chad Vargas for the Paradigm Championship!
~TIO begins pummeling Vargas with the brass knuckles. EE steps in after several blows~
Eastern European: Please, everybody, let’s have a pause! Mr. Incredible One has match coming up, he needs freshness. Mr. Fargas needs rest. Take him to room for the recoveries in back. We look at him, make sure he okay for next week. The event is main and we don’t want ruin such an occasion!
~TIO kind of furrows his brow at EE’s broken language. But he agrees and heads to the back. The faceless men drag the limp body of Vargas up the ramp and to the back with EE following~
Smith: Brutal, absolutely brutal
Hood: Yea, somebody needs to buy our on-site GM one of those cassette tapes that teach him how to speak properly.
Smith: I was talking about The Incredible One’s beating on Vargas…but…people still buy cassette tapes?
Hood: I certainly don’t!
Smith: Okay…how about that announcement though…next week, in the main event we will see Chad Vargas against The Incredible One for the OCW Paradigm Championship!
Hood: The event is main, Smith! IT IS MAIN!
Smith: Indeed…and, as if that weren’t enough…it will be a ladder match with the key to free Cassidy hanging above the ring.
Hood: Do you think it will be a really cool giant key or one of those stupid, average keys.
Smith: I don’t know, depends on the lock
Hood: Hmm, I need to get in on this. We need a big key hanging above the ring
Smith: What if it falls on and injures one of the competitors
Hood: Well, if that were to happen…maybe that person just wasn’t meant to compete in this business.
Smith: Sure. Folks, I’d like to say I’m excited for that match but, given the shape we just saw Chad Vargas in and The Incredible One having management fully behind him…I don’t think the Confederate Icon has much of a chance. Which also spells bad news for Mr. Cassidy…
Hood: There is a silver lining
Smith: What’s that?
Hood: I heard Treat Cassidy was getting a few wrinkles in his old age and was considering plastic surgery. So, if Vargas loses, The Incredible One can rearrange his face with that title…giving him a legit reason to get all nip/tuck’d
Smith: I don’t believe a word of that.
Hood: One or two are probably true
Smith: Moving on…folks, let’s head backstage!
Alice: Hi Bob.
~Bob just looks at her menacingly and still looks to be in a foul mood~
Alice: I just wanted to tell you, I hear a lot of validity in the things you are saying, but you should really watch yourself. There are rumors going around that you are facing a suspension and being removed from our match. I'm really excited about it and don't want that to happen. It's going to be really good and I think our fans will love it.
~Bob just stares at her blankly and blows smoke in her face. She leaves and makes her way back into the arena, passing PerZag on the way, who is now himself making his way out~
PerZag: We're friends. You need to toe the line Grenier. Tone it down. You're on your way to being on an indefinite leave of absence. Power and Worth. Remember that? Don't throw it all away because you feel like you've been treated unfairly. Just do something about it and shut up.
Bob: Easy for you to say. How's your fat ass paycheck?
~Bob pushes PerZag and slaps him in the face, PerZag responds with a stiff right hand and both of them go down, they wrestle around for a bit, exchanging blows and it ends with PerZag putting Grenier's head to the floor and telling he needs to chill out. PerZag walks backwards telling Bob to remember Power and Worth as he walks back into the arena with Grenier holding onto his jaw on the ground. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Tension is building amongst our three number one contenders.
Hood: Well, for two of them. Alice still seems to be doing her own thing, as usual.
Smith: It’s called equanimity, Hood. She’s able to remain calm in stressful situations.
Hood: Whatever…I just want to know what the fuck is up with our roster? Are they high schoolers? Why is everybody hanging out behind the building?
Smith: I think you know why
Hood: Umm, no, I’m not some kind of rhetorical bitch…if I ask a question it’s because I don’t know the answer.
~Smith gives a surreptitious toss of the head toward the giant Buffet sign. Hood doesn’t get it. Smith does it again. Hood squints~
Hood: Seriously, get that therapeutic pillow I told you about if your neck is that fucked up.
Smith: Ugh, forget it…you’re thicker than a block of ice. Well folks, it’s time for our next match….let's head on down to ringside!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall!
~”Rock Superstar” by Cypress Hill hits. Julio Lugo comes out without his employer, Javier Nunes. He seems focused. He reaches the ringside area and rolls into the squared circle~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Chihuahua, Mexico…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 205lbs…Julio Lugo!!!
~The heavy drums of "Honor Thy Father" beat throughout the arena followed by the distorted guitar riffs as The Incredible One steps out from the behind the curtain to a chorus of boos. He smirks, before walking down the ramp yelling at the fans in attendance, and flipping off every single child he sees. He stops at the bottom of the ramp, examining the ring and the local crowd before quickly rolling into the ring and going to the top of a turnbuckle, proclaiming himself to be the greatest wrestler alive. He gets down and impatiently paces around the ring as his music fades out~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Halifax, NS, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 235lbs…The Incredible One!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Why didn’t he just stay out here? I mean his brutal beating to Vargas was, like five minutes ago.
Hood: Five minutes is a long damn time to just stand in a ring, Smith. What is he, a jobber…A JAMOKE?
Smith: No, of course not
Hood: Besides…people tune in to see an entrance like The Incredible One’s…he didn’t want to deprive them of the spectacle.
~Lugo sprints at TIO. He jumps into the air, looking for a Lou Thesz Press…TIO catches him by the throat with both hands and slams him into the mat! Lugo coughs and tries to sit up, but grimaces and falls back to the mat~
Smith: Inauspicious start for Julio Lugo
Hood: Kamikaze mother fucker…just came running in there like a…
Smith: Please, no insensitive analogies
Hood: Well, then I guess I have nothing to say
~Lugo finally sits up. As soon as he does, TIO kicks him in the face. Lugo’s upper body snaps back with the back of his head bouncing roughly against the ring mat. TIO mounts Lugo and begins punching him in the face. Scruff shows a bit of referee prowess and administers a count. TIO stops and looks at Scruff…he laughs, shocked that Scruff would do that. He stands up and holds his arms in the air, acquiescing. He waves for Lugo to get to his feet and stands back, arms folded~
Smith: I sense a bit of derision in The Incredible One’s actions
Hood: What are you talking about? He’s showing class…the class of a champion…the class of a PARADIGM champion.
Smith: No, I think he’s mocking poor Lugo…or maybe Scruff.
Hood: Can Scruff really be mocked? I mean, he doesn’t give a shit
Smith: Good point
~Scruff helps Lugo to his feet. Which seems kind of biased. But it’s Scruff, so who the hell knows. Lugo gets to his feet and shakes his head. Before he can gather himself, TIO runs him over with a lariat!! Lugo falls to the mat and is right back where he was, writhing in pain. TIO grabs him by the hair and drags him into a corner. He stomps away at the body of Lugo with Scruff standing back, watching~
Smith: While I don’t condone the act…it was a nice show of humanity by Scruff to help Lugo to his feet. Didn’t turn out that well for Lugo…but, like giving a homeless man money that he spends on alcohol, the intent was noble.
Hood: I don’t give money to homeless people.
Smith: That’s far from surprising
Hood: I give them condoms.
Smith: Why on Earth would you give them condoms?
Hood: Because, we have a homeless epidemic in America. We don’t need them going around and making more homeless people. It’s got to be stopped, Smith.
Smith: We could, ya know, create more jobs for them. They are only homeless due to financial hardships.
Hood: No way, they are born homeless, trust me. There’s like this underground delivery facility where homeless people have their babies. Then, when they are old enough, they crawl out of the gutter and begin begging for change.
Smith: I don’t even know what to say to that
~TIO pulls Lugo out of the corner. Lugo is out on his feet. TIO hoists Lugo across his shoulders, twirls him around and drills him into the mat with an Argentine Piledriver (You’re Incredibly Fucked). Lugo is out. TIO places a boot atop his chest as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…THE INCREDIBLE ONE!!!!!
Smith: Domination, annihilation…evisceration
Hood: Yep, this is The Incredible One’s world and we’re all just paying rent
Smith: Indeed
~TIO pulls out his brass knuckles. Scruff tries to stop him. TIO bitch slaps Scruff. The wounded, homeless ref skulks out of the ring and away from sight. TIO slides the knuckles over his right hand, he mounts Lugo and begins to punch away on the face of the former OCW Television Champion~
Smith: Somebody stop this!
Hood: Seriously, the corruption of Scruff is sickening! All Lugo had to do was offer him an enchilada or something and Scruff showed favoritism throughout the match…he was paid off!
Smith: That’s not true
Hood: Of course it is, he’s a bum. He will work 4 food. Don’t you read the fucking slogans crudely written in magic marker on the bent up cardboard that they hold up with faux pas sadness on their faces?
Smith: I don’t live in those types of areas
Hood: Oh, well, fuck you too then
~The crowd gets concerned with Lugo’s safety as some blood can be seen forming around the bottom of his head. TIO finally stands, looking down at a destroyed Lugo. He kicks the former TV champion out of the ring. He takes a mic from Belvedere who is standing by the ring~
The Incredible One: Get his ass out of here! Eastern European…bring me Treat Cassidy.
~A big smile carves its way across TIO’s face. OCW security hauls a bound Treat Cassidy to the ring. They toss him unceremoniously into the ring, under the bottom rope. He rolls toward TIO. His hands are tied behind his back. There is duct tape over his mouth. TIO grabs him by his black hair and yanks him to his feet. He hasn’t had a fresh change of clothes…his suit is dirty, tattered and scuffed up. His face is covered with splotches of dirt. TIO looks at his right hand with the brass knuckles wrapped around it~
The Incredible One: Nothing like a little preview to drum up interest for next week…
~TIO is about to put his fist through Cassidy’s face when the crowd pops. He tosses Cassidy down and looks to the ramp. Vargas, all beaten and bloodied, is stumbling for the ring. His face has a bunch of gauze strapped to it, over the opened areas. Security quickly reaches him, able to subdue the wounded warrior. Vargas tries fighting through, but can’t. All the security in the ringside area rush up there, making sure he can’t get through~
Smith: Chad Vargas is trying to save his agent!
Hood: What an idiot…how many times does he have to get busted open to realize messing with The Incredible One is a bad idea?
Smith: At least one more time, apparently
Hood: Yea, well I hope security beats him down and they cancel the match awarding The Incredible One the Paradigm Championship AND then throwing him into that OCW Title match.
Smith: None of that is going to happen
Hood: Yea and Santa Clause isn’t exactly real but it doesn’t stop idiots from pretending
Smith: I am so glad this is adult programming…you could have just ruined Christmas for so many kids.
~TIO laughs the situation off with Vargas being surged back to the top of the ramp. He returns his focus to Cassidy. He yanks Cassidy back to his feet and smacks him, with a bit of force, on the cheek a few times. His face, jovial…quickly turns malevolent. He cocks back, ready to destroy Cassidy’s face. The crowd gasps in horror~
Smith: Oh no, don’t do this! Save it for next week…give Vargas a chance at saving his agent!
Hood: Are they fucking lovers or something? Geezus, you act like he’s about to hit Chad Vargas’ wife or something
Smith: No they aren’t lovers! Stop trivializing serious moments!
Hood: Alright, fine. You don’t have to be such a bitch about it.
~A murmur begins. It grows into a reaction. It builds into a fervor. A masked man hops the barricade. All security is busy with Vargas. He slides into the ring. TIO pauses, hearing the change in the crowd’s environment. The man rushes up behind TIO, twirls him around, hooks both his arms and drops him with a Rock Bottom!!! TIO is laid out! The crowd tries not to erupt, but a small tremor of applause fills the arena. The masked man reaches for Treat, an attempted rescue. The faceless men appear out of the crowd and slide into the ring. The masked man tries to fight one of them off…the faceless man punches him in the chest. The masked men flies through the ropes, landing harshly. He looks up at the faceless men with shock. They go after him. He stands up and hustles over the barricade and through the crowd. The faceless men give chase~
Smith: What is going on? Who was that?
Hood: Has OCW finally hit hard times? Have they signed The Masked Man?
Smith: No! That was A Masked Man…not The Masked Man.
Hood: How do you know?
Smith: I just do…and, that finisher…it looked very familiar.
Eastern European: Quiet everybody! Shut mouths and sit still. All is okay.
~EE has emerged at the top of the ramp. Vargas is gone, having been ushered away. EE motions for some security to head to the ring. They help TIO up who is out on his feet. They grab Treat and carry him up the ramp, to the back~
Eastern European: Enough of preview for free. Match will happen next week and will be great, yes? Yes! As for man with sock overhead…we find him and we SET FIRE TO HIM
Smith: Does he even work here?
Hood: How should I know?
Smith: Or…does The Eastern European think he can just fire anybody he wants within this arena?
Hood: Again, how should I know? You act like I talk to that guy
~EE drops the mic and heads to the back. TIO comes to and he decks the Security member who helped him to his feet with his brass knuckled hand. He exits the ring cursing at every fan within ear shot~
Smith: The Incredible One is not happy…
Hood: Well, of course not, that Security Guard tried to grope him.
Smith: That’s insane. He’s upset because for the first time since he returned somebody got the upper hand on him.
Hood: Yea, that creepy, handsy security guard. A lot of upper-handing going on inside that ring
Smith: Shut up! Next week’s match looks to be brutal. Vargas is pissed…The Incredible One is pissed…
Hood: Sounds like my kind of fight!
Smith: Indeed…
Smith: I recognize this song...
Hood: Woo! You mind if I stand on the desk, maybe she'll see me
Smith: Sit down!
~Annie Alvarez’s name pops up on the screen. The fans jump and begin to cheer as ‘Cheer!’ is displayed on the tron. Alvarez stands atop the stage in a skirt, white shirt tied up at the waist and pig tails. She smiles and wiggles her finger toward the curtain. An OCW security guard emerges carrying a grill with a box of stuff inside. Alvarez walks to the ring and winks at fans, flirting with the guys. She hops onto the apron and seductively steps through the ropes. The OCW Security guard enters behind her. Belvedere happily hands her a mic and she begins to speak~
Annie Alvarez: Hello OCW! Long time no see…
~The crowd gives her an organic cheer of appreciation. She mouths ‘aww’ and pretends to be embarrassed when, in reality, she’s loving the attention. She continues~
Annie Alvarez: I knew as soon as I signed that everything would change. Boy did it ever! Phone calls, text messages...everybody wanting to know where I’ve been and why I decided to come back.
~She pauses to elicit more appreciation. It works. The fans cheer~
Annie Alvarez: It’s pretty simple. The last time I was in OCW I didn’t accomplish any of my goals. And, well, now I’m at a point in my life where returning makes sense. So, I’m back!
~More cheers. Annie does a half curtsy and mouths ‘thanks’. She instructs the OCW Security Guard to place the fire pit and box in the center of the ring. She reaches in and grabs a pink t-shirt with her face and logo on it~
Annie Alvarez: They made me promise to show my allegiance to the new owners. After all, Dean and I were really close ifffff ya know what I mean.
~She drops the shirt and grabs a poster advertising one of her previous OCW matches. She locates a T-shirt featuring her amidst a feud with Rob Torborg of the Syren led stable B.U.F.F. She locates a contract for her OCW Hardcore Title match. She seems nostalgic~
Annie Alvarez: Ahhhhh...good times.
~She finds a blank tape with Dean’s name on it. Her eyes widen and she quickly drops it~
Annie Alvarez: No need in explaining that to everyone.
~She reaches in and grabs a bottle of lighter fluid. She douses everything. She asks the security guard for something. He hands over a box of matches. She strikes one and drops it into the pit containing all her old OCW memorabilia. It goes up in flames. She looks down, seriously for a brief moment. It quickly erases and her bubbly demeanor returns. She speaks into the mic as smoke rises and her OCW history is reduced to ash~
Annie Alvarez: Catharsis! Out with the old, in with the new! Here’s to a great 2017, OCW!
~”Girl all the Bad Guys Want” by Bowling for Soup strums up again. She exits the ring and slaps hands of a few over eager male OCW fans. She keeps her distance, because she’s not a dumbass. She reaches the top of the ramp and disappears behind the curtain. We hear the sound of fire extinguishers as OCW security works to put out the flames~
Smith: And there’s the answer we’ve been looking for!
Hood: Kind of a let down, really. I mean she’s here to…win matches?
Smith: Shouldn’t that be the motive of all our roster members, Hood?
Hood: Well, sure…but I thought it’d be something, I don’t know, more complicated.
Smith: So, you’re unhappy she’s back?
Hood: Oh hell no…I digs me some Annie Alvarez…been awhile since I’ve seen a skirt that short without having to pay for it.
Smith: Right…well folks, let’s head backstage!
Eastern European: You be good boy and make sure he clear to compete next week, okay? Okay. ~In the most unsubtle way ever…EE hands the kid a wad of cash. The kid looks down at it, confused~ EMT: Umm, sir, these are Euros… Eastern European: What? My money no good for you? You get out of my life! Go, go! I no longer like your face! ~EE rips the money away. The EMT, more confused than afraid, rushes into the ambulance. It drives off with its lights and sirens filling the night time sky. We cut back to the announce table~ Smith: Vargas is in bad shape, Hood. Do you think they will call off the match? Hood: I hope not. Our stupid fucking On-Site GM handing that kid monopoly money. Smith: Those were Euros, Hood – the currency of the Eurozone...which is defined as 19 of the 28 countries representing the European Union. Hood: Even worse! What, doesn’t it take like twenty Euros to equal a good old fashioned badass American dollar? Smith: Actually one Euro is worth 93 cents, according to the last currency equivalency chart I saw. Hood: I’m not sure what’s worse…the fact Euros are so close to dollars or that you look at currency equivalency charts. Smith: It never hurts to be knowledgable of the world, Hood. Hood: it does when you’re stuck in Key West for all eternity. Smith: To each his own. Well folks it’s time for my favorite portion of the weekly show. Hood: Intermission? You seem like a guy who loves intermission…or halftime, ya know, when the crappy ass band is on the field. Smith: We’ve never had intermissions, Hood. Hood: Sure we have…Scoot Time matches, Richard matches…Dangerous Da… Smith: Stop it. I’m talking, of course about the Alice Knight portion of tonight’s programming! Let’s head down to ringside!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall.
~”Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang fills the arena and the fans give a mixed reaction to Deluxxx. John E Depth steps out first with Shootah tentatively behind. Depth dances a bit to his song. He sees Shootah half on stage, half behind the curtain. He waves Shootah closer. Shootah remains still. Depth walks over and grabs Shootah by the ear. He walks Shootah down the ramp and to the ring. Depth rolls into the ring, leaving Shootah on the outside~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Hollywood, California…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 230lbs…John E Depth!!!
~Depth removes a pair of shades and tosses them down to Shootah. Shootah fumbles them and they break. Depth shakes his head. He removes his lollipop and hurls it into the crowd. It hits Larry the Superfan in the head, sticking to his hair. ”Electrified" by Dressy Bessy begins to play as the fans turn and cheer. Alice Knight makes her way out and heads to the ring with a bubbly demeanor. As she does, Shootah sprints to the backside, with the ring in between his body and the approaching Alice Knight. She enters into the ring and kind of skips around for no apparent reason. She rushes the ropes and heads to the middle turnbuckle and waves to the fans as her music fades out~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Bethel, New York…standing 5’8 and weighing in at 125lbs…Alice Knight!
~The bell rings~
Smith: And she’s back! She’s looking surprisingly fresh today…maybe a new wardrobe. Possibly some makeup out of the store box, rather than a plastic bag…things are looking up for Alice Knight!
Hood: I don’t know what’s worse…the fact Alice Knight is one win away from being OCW Champion or….ORRRRR…the notion she might make more money than me.
Smith: C’mon, she's earned it.
Hood: By doing what? Driving around in an RV and eating Burger King? She could have AT LEAST gone to Wendys…brought me a Frosty.
Smith: Like she’d ever bring YOU a Frosty.
~Depth places both hands down the front of his wrestling tights. Alice covers her eyes. He walks toward her. He removes them and extends his right hand, open for a shake. Alice uncovers her eyes after a prolonged period of nothing happening. She sees his hand and wrinkles her nose. She smacks Depth across the face. Depth staggers back. He turns his head back to Alice and rushes into her corner. She darts out of the way and runs the ropes. She bounces off…Depth goes after her for a lariat…Alice ducks and jumps into the opposite set of ropes…her feet land on the middle rope and she jumps backward, contorting in the air with an enziguri kick to the face of Depth! Depth falls on the mat, holding his face in pain~
Smith: The lecherous John E Depth just took one in the face!
Hood: They call that an occupational hazard in his profession
Smith: Ewww
~Depth rolls out of the ring. He lands on his feet and staggers near Shootah. Shootah seems in state of shock. He’s having violent flashbacks to his in ring exposure. Alice goes after Depth. Depth hears the crowd’s reaction and realizes she’s coming from behind. He yells at Shootah to do something. Alice rounds the corner, right behind Depth. Shootah starts to move. Alice stops and looks at him. Shootah jumps over the barricade. Alice smiles at Shootah and goes back after Depth. She grabs him by his thick, super oily hair. She whips him into the steps…he slams hard. She picks him up and whips him into the barricade. He goes half over…Shootah is standing next to his upside down upper half. He yells at Shootah to do something~
Smith: Shootah is providing zero help to his partner. If memory serves, I think they went over a game plan for this match involving Shootah’s interference.
Hood: Hey, he doesn’t know where Alice has been. I don’t blame him not wanting to touch her.
Smith: Oh and like Shootah is the vision of cleanliness? He was gathering RATS earlier this week.
~Shootah thinks on his feet. Depth yells “pull me over” Shootah lifts Depth up and winds up pushing him back into the ringside area. Alice pats him on the head and says, “Thanks.” She picks him up and rolls Depth back into the ring. She climbs onto the apron. Shootah scissors the barricade and staggers to his feet back into the ringside area. He heads for Alice’s feet. Alice jumps into the air…Shootah tries to grab her legs. Her right heel kicks him in the face. He tumbles back against the barricade. Her jump is undeterred. She balances on the top rope and leaps off with a flying elbow across the throat of Depth. She goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: John E Depth hanging on in this one. This is an important match…not just for Depth, but for Deluxxx. They haven’t won a thing since debuting.
Hood: Well, to be fair, Shootah was involved in all of those matches.
Smith: So, if they lose tonight…what’s the excuse?
Hood: Shootah getting involved…I mean, did you not just see what happened?
~Shootah gets to his feet on the outside. Panic is in his eyes…not panic at the disco…just straight panic. He gets to his feet and climbs, sloppily onto the apron. He walks to the nearest corner. Alice returns to her feet, undaunted…her composure intact despite the near fall. She pulls Depth to his feet and goes to whip him into the corner Shootah is climbing. She hasn’t seen him. Shootah reaches the top. He stares at Alice, ready to jump on her. Alice whips Depth into the corner. Depth reverses! Shootah leaps through the air and lands on Depth! Alice grabs the ropes, preventing any negative impact from the corner. She turns and spots Shootah laying on top of Depth~
Smith: Shaking my head, literally
Hood: I’m impressed…that was kind of a wrestling maneuver…it completely missed its mark but, still…he climbed up there and jumped off.
Smith: I would call that a cross body but…I think that would besmirch the move.
Hood: The flailing suicide man?
Smith: Perhaps
~Depth comes to and feels Shootah’s filthy hair in his face. He squirms out from under Shootah. Alice is leaning in the corner, watching. Depth pops to his feet and he yanks Shootah to his. Shootah looks like he’s twelve shots deep. Depth bends over and grabs Shootah by the ankles…he pulls Shootah’s legs out from under him as though he’s going for a swing. He tosses Shootah’s body over his shoulder and heads for Alice~
Smith: Well…this is unique.
Hood: Is he offering Alice a gift? Alice and Shootah do have a lot in common.
Smith: They do not!
~Alice, unsure of what Depth’s motive is, stands back. She leans away, ready for just about anything. The fans are curious, as well. Depth stops, a few feet from Alice. He yanks Shootah off his shoulder, swings him around and tosses him at Alice!! Alice ducks! Shootah’s body flies out of the ring and lands harshly on the outside. Alice spears Depth to the ground. She unleashes a flurry of short forearms right into his mustache~
Smith: His mustache is taking a beating!
Hood: It’s a good thing he recently shaved his beard
Smith: Why’s that?
Hood: It would have offered more real estate for her onslaught.
~Alice hops to her feet and grabs Depth’s mustache. She pulls him to his feet. He yells “Ow! Ow! Ow!” She whips him into the ropes by the mustache. He bounces off and she drills him in the face with a spinning heel kick! The fans go wild chanting “Owl! Owl! Owl!” Alice is confused. The fans become confused. Everybody is confused~
Smith: Why are they chanting owl?
Hood: Because she is the Owl is Night
Smith: I know that but they just broke into that.
Hood: Because John E Depth started chanting it first
Smith: No, Hood…Depth was saying “Ow” because she was pulling him by the mustache.
Hood: Really? You sure there wasn’t an ‘l’ in there? Coulda swore I heard him saying Owl.
Smith: I’m positive…you were just confused, as were our fans. You guys must think alike.
Hood: You take that back!
~Alice nods, getting into the chant, wiping away her confusion. She holds up a finger. The crowd goes quiet~
Smith: She’s got total command of this crowd
Hood: Brain washed weirdos
~She puts her hand down and is motionless. She throws her right arm up. The crowd chants ‘OWL!’ She throws her left arm up, they chant ‘IS!’…they hang on the edge of ‘S’…they are anticipating the third portion. But, alas, Alice is a human (or well a normal human…kind of, damnit…you know what I mean) and only has two arms. So, she just shrugs and kind of kicks her leg out…the crowd explodes with “NIGHT!” She claps while walking to a corner~
Smith: Isn’t she great?
Hood: Nice to know she’s super concerned with her opponent.
Smith: Well, in her defense…he hasn’t really moved
Hood: Think she pilled him like she did those ginormous Asian ladies?
Smith: Have you not been watching the match? When would she have done that?
Hood: *in a shifty tone* she has her ways…
~Alice climbs to the top. Depth is motionless. She leaps off and connects with a Frog Splash!!! She pops to her feet and throws her arms in the air in unison like before, followed by a tiny kick. “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” She nods her head to the chant as she pulls Depth to his feet. Shootah pops up near the apron, looking like he’s about to get into the ring. Alice scowls at him. Shootah drops to the floor and crawls under the ring. Alice hooks Depth and drops him, head first into the mat with The Apache!!! She rolls him over and goes for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The crowd goes wild as the bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…A…
~The crowd yells “OWL!” Belvedere’s face struggles. He’s a man with pristine pronunciation. He is not a fan of slumming. But…he looks at Alice…he takes in the crowd and the dude caves~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…here is your winner…OWL IS NIGHT!!!!!
~Alice gives Belvedere a big hug. He blushes. The crowd continues chanting for their favorite OCW wrestler~
Smith: Impressive win by Alice, Hood. She’s looked great since returning…you have to give her that.
Hood: This isn’t tax season…I don’t have to give anyone a fucking thing.
Smith: C’mon…just a little acknowledgement.
Hood: Alright, so she beat a couple of adult film makers.
Smith: And…
Hood: What, more?
Smith: Yep
Hood: And…these fans seem to like her.
Smith: C’mon, one more!
Hood: You’re really trying my patience here, Smith.
Smith: Do it!
Hood: She can travel really fast.
Smith: Yes! Now, admit one more thing…admit that she’d make a good OCW Champion.
Hood: No! A man has got to draw the line somewhere!
Smith: Fine, fine…you’ll see.
Tatum Coe: One screw job after another. I was promised I’d be the star of this run and now, here I sit…a two time loser with no direction. I’m too good for this shit.
~Annie Alvarez enters the picture. Coe sees her and rolls his eyes. She takes a seat next to Coe. She crosses her legs in Coe’s direction. She leans in and makes eye contact~
Tatum Coe: Can I help you with something?
Annie Alvarez: I just couldn’t help but overhear you complaining. It sounds like you’re displeased with the direction around here.
Tatum Coe: And who are you? Their little errand whore like you were before? Are you going to stooge me off?
~Annie laughs the rude comment off and pats him on the back. He shakes his head and looks back at the ground~
Annie Alvarez: No, no, no, of course not. I like you, Tatum. You’re right…you’re too good for this type of treatment. I doubt things would have gone this way under…previous leadership.
~Coe looks up, nonplussed. She smiles and winks~
Annie Alvarez: See ya!
~Annie exits leaving Coe in a state of surprise~
Tatum Coe: What the hell was that about…
~We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Sorry folks, but we missed what just went down…apparently the feed in the arena suffered minor technical difficulties. But we’re sure it was top notch!
Hood: Damnit! I’ve been enduring all these other segments and I MISS the Alvarez one?
Smith: Technical glitches, Hood...they happen during live broadcasts
Hood: Always at the worst time...
Smith: Well folks it's time for our main event where we will see the first champion of 2017 crowned. It's a Tag Team Championship match featuring The Dravers Boys against Tornado Alley. Let's head down to ringside!
The Dravers Boys (1-0) vs. Tornado Alley (0-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the OCW Tag Team Championship!
~ The wind in the arena picks up. "Respect the Wind" by Van Halen begins to play as faux pas lightning flickers in the rafters. Debris, the partner of Vortex, emerges first. He begins to scatter trash all over the entrance way. Behind him emerges Vortex in a muscle suit. He extends his arms and begins to rotate around, following Debris. They approach the ring in this fashion, leaving a trail of trash behind them. Debris hops on the apron and enters, continuing to drop trash. Vortex rolls in under the rope and gets to his feet, continuing to rotate, following Debris. Their music stops once Debris has run out of trash. The arena returns to normal and the ref kicks all the trash out of the ring~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from a Motel along Tornado Alley…weighing in at a reported 515lbs…Tornado Alley!!!
~”Circus for a Psycho” by Skillet begins to play. The crowd jumps to their feet in anticipation of the most talked about tag team in OCW since Awe.Some. The Dravers Boys emerge!! Nathan and Jonathan make their way down to the ring slapping hands with fans. Nathan is singing along with the song as they reach the ringside area. The brothers walk up the left and right steel steps and meet in the middle of the apron. They climb through the ropes together and raise their hands in appreciation to the crowd who continue to lend their support~
Belvedere: And their opponents, from Denver, Colorado…they weigh a combined 400lbs…Jonathan and Nathan Dravers…The Dravers Boys!!!
~The Dravers and Tornado Alley meet in the center of the ring. Belvedere brings Scruff a black bag, he removes the Tag Titles from within. Scruff holds them up high. The fans cheer. Scruff hands the belts back to Belvedere who takes them outside the ring with him, for safe keeping. The bell rings~
Smith: That’s what it’s all about, folks…the OCW Tag Team Titles. I don’t have to run down the legacy of those titles for you all to understand the rich tradition and meaning of holding onto those belts…
Hood: Thank you Geezus
Smith: But, I’m going to anyway.
Hood: grumble, grumble, grumble
Smith: Those belts have been worn by Hall of Famers Sex and Violence. They were worn, proudly, by the two men to hold the distinct honor of being the only OCW members inducted into the Hall of Fame twice. I’m of course talking about Marvelous Mario Maurako and Perfect Paul Paras…Perfectly Marvelous. Danny B and Amber Ryan wore those belts with pride in 2014. And, in 2015, Awe.Some took hold of those belts and never let them go. Great tradition, Hood…tremendous tradition.
Hood: What about the Greek gods?
Smith: To take a quote from your book, my friend…they can’t all be winners.
~Vortex heads for the apron. Nathan checks out, leaving Jonathan to start with Debris. Jonathan extends his hand. Debris looks at it. Vortex yells from the apron, “POKE HIM IN THE EYE!” Debris decides to go against the advice of his partner and he shakes the hand of Jonathan Dravers much to the crowd’s delight. The two circle each other before locking up in the middle of the ring. Despite the supposed size advantage of Debris…Jonathan bullies him into a corner. Scruff calls for a break. Jonathan steps away, cleanly. Debris quickly hops atop the middle rope and comes off with a Double Axe handle. Jonathan side steps it. Debris lands, cleanly on both legs, stumbling forward, slightly. He quickly turns around and keeps his eye on Jonathan. They lock up again~
Smith: A nice, clean start to this match
Hood: Yea, yea…ya see, this is what happens when you don’t add stipulations
Smith: And what, if I may ask, would you have added to ruin this perfectly fine wrestling match?
Hood: Nothing over the top…just maybe some barbed wire ropes with the apron in flames.
Smith: Well, I’m certainly glad you didn’t go over the top there.
~Debris drops to one knee and flips Jonathan over onto his back. He locks in an armbar. Jonathan tries to fight out of the arm bar. He works up to a kneeling position. He rolls back and forth…he flips over and reverses the arm bar! The crowd applauds his athleticism. Jonathan digs the arm bar in deep as Debris grimaces. Jonathan drags Debris into his corner. Nathan tags in. Jonathan extends the arm of Debris. Nathan perches on the top rope and jumps off with an axe handle across the arm of Debris! Debris holds his shoulder in pain~
Smith: Nice team work by The Dravers! Debris is in a ton of pain
Hood: I still don’t think brothers should be allowed to team.
Smith: You never seemed to have a problem with Awe.Some
Hood: Yea, but they weren’t twins. Aren’t twins like born connected to each other and then have to be surgically separated at birth? I mean, seriously, they share all the same organs and stuff. That’s why their survival rate is so low.
Smith: Where on Earth did you hear that?
Hood: Scruff…he knows a lot about…stuff.
~Nathan grabs Debris by the arm and twists it. He punches the shoulder area a few times, continuing to work it over. Debris grimaces. Vortex yells at Scruff. Scruff, with the attention of a fly, turns his head. When he does, Debris uses his good arm and thumbs Nathan in the eye. Nathan releases and hurries to his corner and tags Vortex~
Smith: Chicanery on the part of Tornado Alley! I just hate seeing that!
Hood: Chickenry? Nobody is clucking in there.
Smith: I’m buying you a thesaurus.
Hood: RAWR
Smith: What was that?
Hood: My saurus impression.
Smith: Ah geez
~Vortex rushes Nathan and hits him with a dropkick! Nathan staggers into a corner. Vortex settles in the opposing corner. He rushes in and dropkicks Nathan, squishing him into the corner! Nathan falls to his knees, dazed. Vortex kicks him in the face! Nathan falls into the ropes. Vortex pulls him into the center of the ring and rushes for the nearest corner. He quickly ascends to the top and leaps off with a splash! He goes for the pin~
1!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Nathan didn’t waste any time in preventing that pin fall attempt.
Hood: Having an opponent kick out before two has got to be emasculating.
Smith: I wouldn’t think so
~Vortex pops back to his feet and he perches atop the middle buckle of a nearby corner. Nathan staggers to his feet. Vortex leaps off going for a tornado DDT. Nathan, though, tosses Vortex off of him and through the middle and top rope. Vortex crashes on the outside with a rough fall! Nathan holds his stomach, catching his wind as Debris drops to the floor to check on his partner~
Smith: Vortex was tossed out like a piece…
Hood: Don’t you say it, Smith!
Smith: like a piece of…
Hood: BITE YOUR TONGUE
Smith: Debris!!!
~Nathan leans against the ropes, near Debris and Vortex. His guard is lowered, expecting things to be somewhat fair. But, this is OCW. Debris reaches up and grabs Nathan by the legs, pulling him to the outside. He drills Nathan with a punch. Nathan responds. They break into a fist fight on the outside. Jonathan hops off the apron and rushes over. As he does, Vortex trips him. He falls down. Vortex gets to his feet and soccer style kicks Jonathan as he’s trying to get up. The double team is on. Vortex jumps Nathan from behind. Debris and Vortex pummel him with lefts and rights until his legs cave and he falls to the ground. Debris and Vortex respond by putting the boots to him as the fans begin to boo~
Smith: Scruff is useless! Get out there, do something! This is a CHAMPIONSHIP match!
Hood: Scruff isn’t useless, I mean he did count to one earlier.
Smith: Well, he’s useless right now
Hood: Hmm, maybe he’s still shocked that the previous pinfall wasn’t a two count…that could be it, ya know?
Smith: That certainly isn’t it. He’s a homeless referee with more than a touch of ADD.
Hood: Interesting…remind me to ask if he’s got any scripts for that…I could buy some off him.
~Debris pulls Nathan to his feet and kicks him in the gut. He and Vortex hook him for a suplex…but they drop him, belly first over the barricade. They split, taking each side. Simultaneously, they drill Nathan in the face with a kick!! Nathan goes limp and slides off the barricade, falling sloppily to the floor outside the ring. Debris tosses him back in as Vortex rolls into the ring. Debris returns to his spot on the apron~
Smith: I think the damage has been done, sadly. Jonathan is laid out, unconscious. Nathan is in dire condition. Tornado Alley is going to steal this one.
Hood: Hey man, they just did what they have to do.
Smith: Yea, but Scruff
Hood: Man, if you know going into a match that a worthless hobo is going to be the ref, you should take advantage of that. Like, maybe offer him five bucks or something…wouldn’t take much.
Smith: Might take more than five…
Hood: Seriously? Have you ever given a homeless man five dollars? They literally fall to their knees
~Vortex picks Nathan up and heaves him over his shoulders. He performs and Airplane Spin. He rotates several times until he begins to wobble. Debris reaches out, for a tag. Vortex tags him and drops Nathan into the center of the ring with a Death Valley Driver. Debris, now, is atop his corner. He leaps off with a Frog Splash!! Debris covers, Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Shoulder up!!!
Smith: Nathan kicked out!! The heart in that young man!
Hood: What about it?
Smith: I’m just saying…he has a lot of heart.
Hood: Well, he’d better watch out then…hearts are known killers of men. In fact, I think they are the biggest threat to men.
Smith: Shut up
~Debris shakes his head and looks down at Nathan. He slaps Nathan across the face before reaching his feet. He picks the feet of Nathan up and smiles. He begins to swing him around the ring~
Smith: Nathan kicked out of Tornado Watch…but, can he kick out of Tornado Warning?
Hood: Probably
Smith: I see you’re turning around on the Dravers
Hood: Not really…I just think by the time they are done with these stupid fucking moves he’s going to projectile vomit during the pin…pulling his shoulder off the mat
~Debris wearies. The spinning is tiring him out. Vortex yells at him to focus. Jonathan is on his feet, shaking his head, blinking. He finally sees what’s going on in the ring and is informed enough to know the Airplane Spin is the beginning of the end. He thinks about going into the ring and interfering~
Smith: Don’t do it, Jonathan. Even if you’re justified…stay out of this!
Hood: Do it! C’mon, fucking maul that tiny bitch in the ring! This might change my opinion on The Dravers, Smith.
Smith: He won’t stoop to that level…I hope.
~Jonathan hops onto the apron and is about to enter the ring. The fans plead with him not to. He lowers his head and looks at his brother being spun around. He sees Scruff sniffing a turnbuckle. It would be so easy. He shakes his head and hops off the apron. The fans give him a huge ovation. He walks over to his corner and grabs the tag rope. He extends his hand and yells encouragement out to his brother~
Smith: Way to go, Jonathan!
Hood: Ugh that was disgusting…plus he uses the tag rope…what a pretentious bastard!
Smith: The tag rope is named the tag rope for a reason, Hood
Hood: I didn’t even KNOW we had those until he grabbed it…all high and mighty like.
~Debris falls to a knee…he’s apparently spun too much. He dry heaves. Nathan kicks away from Debris and finds the back of his head resting against the bottom buckle. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, looking a bit pallid and queasy. Jonathan slaps the top turnbuckle, stomps his foot on the apron and yells for the tag. Vortex hurls curse words at Debris out of anger~
Smith: Debris spun himself sick!
Hood: I hope he doesn’t puke in that ring…I don’t think we’ve had someone puke in the ring since Arryk Rage!
Smith: Don’t remind me
Hood: Wasn’t it Tommy Flamer he puked on which prevented Flamer from setting himself on fire and performing his flaming senton?
Smith: ….yes….
Hood: Why the hell did [blank] hire such idiots?
Smith: I don’t know
~Debris squelches another dry heave. He rolls over, much like a drunk after he’s taken one shot too many. He crawls for Vortex. Nathan’s breathing is short and quick. He reaches up, grabbing the middle rope and pulls himself to his feet. He staggers for Jonathan’s hand. Debris tags Vortex! Vortex hops over the top rope and sprints for Nathan. Nathan tags Jonathan just in time! Jonathan enters the ring and Vortex backs away, holding his hands in the air, begging for mercy~
Smith: Vortex is acting as though he’s just seen a tornado!
Hood: That explains why they are so shitty at their ‘real’ job
Smith: Indeed!
~Jonathan kicks Vortex in the gut. Vortex doubles over in pain. Jonathan wraps his arms around the midsection of Vortex and he drops him to the mat with a Gut Wrench Suplex!! Jonathan hops to his feet and the crowd is going wild for his offense. Vortex stumbles to his feet but Jonathan drops him with a lariat! Nathan is near recovered and wants the tag. The crowd is white hot~
Smith: The Dravers are on fire!
Hood: The hell happened to Nathan? Did just down a bottle of Pepto? He looks totally fine
Smith: Just a passing bout of motion sickness
Hood: Yea…well I think he was FAKING
~Jonathan tags Nathan in! They stand in opposing corners. Debris is seated on the apron, coughing, still sick. Nathan and Jonathan nod at one another and they spring forward, drilling Vortex in the head with Seeing Double(Double Superkick)!!! Vortex falls on his back…Nathan makes the cover and the crowd counts along with Scruff~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings and Jonathan hops back into the ring, helping his brother up. They get their hands raised in celebration~
Belvedere: Here are your winners…AND NEW OCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE DRAVERS BOYS!!!!!
~Belvedere hands the titles to the brothers. They embrace and become somewhat emotional. They raise each other’s hand and, with their loose arms, hold the straps high into the air as the fans give them a strong ovation~
Smith: They did it!! The Dravers Boys are the new Tag Team Champions!
Hood: Blah blah blah…Tornado Alley blows.
Smith: I beg to differ…they are former tag team champions…albeit in another organization, but still.
Hood: They weren’t champions HERE…for all I know that could have been the cul-de-sac tag team tournament they won.
Smith: I can assure you it wasn’t.
Hood: True, there’s no way they would have beat a cul-de-sac full of children.
Smith: I’m not going to let you ruin this moment! The Dravers Boys are our new champions…the first tag team champions we’ve had since Awe.Some! How appropriate that the torch be passed from one set of brothers to another.
Hood: Cain and Abel would be FURIOUS with this
Smith: We’ve come a long way since those two
Hood: Well, yea, that’s certainly true
Smith: Anyway, folks…that’s all the time we have tonight…we’ll see ya next week!
~Alex comes running down the ramp. Jonathan hops out of the ring and picks her up. He carries her into the ring and hoists her into the air. Nathan joins alongside with her on their inner shoulders and their titles on the outer ones. The crowd gives them a standing ovation as their music hits and they take a bow before exiting ringside. We cut to Hood and Smith~
Smith: What a moment!
Hood: More nauseating than that swing Debris performed
Smith: Why are you always so negative about stuff like that?
Hood: Because, this isn't daytime soaps...this is pro wrestling. It's about punching, kicking, bleeding...not about that bullshit.
Smith: Well, they are at the top of the tag team mountain in OCW so I'd say they are doing just fine
Hood: Blah blah blabbity blah
Smith: Thanks for being a mature broadcast colleague
Hood: Why are we still on air, by the way?
PerZag enters into the ring, sliding in, before running, and clotheslining both members of Tornado Alley to the mat. He picks up Debris, and tosses him over the top rope, and to the outside. He lifts Vortex off of the mat, and throws him over the top rope, and to the outside as well. PerZag walks over to where Belvedere is standing, outside of the ring, and receives a microphone from him. PerZag walks back to the center of the ring, and stares out towards the crowd~
PerZag: This is bullshit. This is all bullshit. I have been backstage in OCW for the past three weeks, and have watched Main Event after Main Event, and I have no idea what the fuck is going on. We have a Main Event last week involving The Incredible One, and some fucking jobber. A match that would be better off on the kick-off show. Tonight, we have this stupid motherfucking tag team championship match as the main event, and two weeks ago, it was that stupid idiot Grenier who got the Main Event match.
~“Boo” displays on the Tron, and the crowd boos at PerZag, doing exactly as they are instructed. “Boo” disappears, and PerZag resumes speaking~
PerZag: I am fucking sick of it. This new fucking management have no fucking clue. At least, you-know-who did. And do you know what the stupid thing is? I can’t even say his fucking name, because I will get ‘fined’. Yeah, well, that’s the fucking best they can do. They are not allowed to strip me of my fucking contract. But, this ‘new’ OCW is a huge amount of horseshit. At least the guy from back then knew what a fucking Main Event was. Knew who deserved to be in a Main Event. Not just giving it to a bunch of guys that kiss your asses.
~The crowd sit in their seats, in silence. A ‘PerZag’ chant starts to erupt, but before it goes on for too long, the Tron displays ‘Silence’, and everyone goes silent~
PerZag: Your little fucking kiss-ass boy, Incredible One is getting easy matches against jobbers, whilst I am nearly fucked over by a referee. Alice Knight gets given a championship opportunity whilst Grenier and I have to go through two rounds of opponents to get into the match. Both being at an unfair disadvantage. And what do you do? You put me down the card to basically tell everyone that you do not give a shit about me, or my iron clad deal. And that is only because I wouldn’t kiss your ass, like The Incredible One.
Put me in a 5 on 1 elimination match next week, I don’t fucking care. This is the fucking truth. You bastards are more corrupt then [bleep] ever was.
Smith: Holy shit, did he just say his name?
Hood: And somehow, they managed to beep it. Even when we are live here, and in person, all we hear is beep. That makes so much fucking sense.
Smith: Yeah, that is really strange.
PerZag: Do you know what another problem is? I have to sit out the back, and listen to Bob Grenier’s bullshit. Him crying about not getting a 10-year iron clad deal, and not even being called up by the new management as well. Well, Bob, how the fuck are you still here? What, do you have some shitty ass 200 dollars a month pay or something? You happy that you don’t make as much as me. Because, I make a hell of a lot more than you do, buddy.
Bob, who the fuck cares? You are fighting in OCW. Hell, you are going to be fighting for the OCW Championship in a couple of weeks. And you still are complaining about being stripped of the title? You don’t see me complaining about the Paradigm Championship, do you. I had to sit out the back, and see them nearly hand the title over to The Incredible One. Thank fuck for Vargas though, because, wait, did I just thank Chad Vargas? That doesn’t sound right.
~As PerZag ponders on what he just said, a voice booms from somewhere in the arena~
???: PerZag. Just shut the fuck up.
~The crowd instantly cheer, as a spotlight manages to find the source of the voice. And it is none other than Bob Grenier. He stands within the crowd, before making his way down the steps, and he speaks to PerZag, who stares at him from the ring~
Bob Grenier: PerZag, why can’t you just shut up for once? Why do you need to complain? I was the one who was stripped of my fucking title. I was the one not given a proper deal. I……….
~PerZag interrupts him.~
PerZag: Bob, you have done nothing but whinge for the last three weeks. You talk about being stripped of your title. I was stripped of my fucking title too. Do you know what? Fuck them.
PerZag points towards the back, as Bob makes it to the barricade and jumps over it. Bob slides into the ring, and stares straight at PerZag, as PerZag points up the rampway.
PerZag: Fuck management, Bob. They have fucked the both of us over the best they can. Stripping us of our titles, trying to fuck us out of this OCW Championship Tournament. Putting Alice Fucking Knight in the championship match because they didn’t want either of us champion. What this comes down to is not who has been fucked over more, but who is being fucked with and who isn’t? Because those of us who are being fucked over by this new management need to do something about it. Bob, think. Remember Power and Worth. We can do that all over again.
~The crowd starts to cheer as Bob gets ready to say something into his mic. He stops, as “Electrified” by Dress Bessy blasts over the PA system, and Alice Knight walks out from the back, mic in hand. PerZag and Bob, look off in her direction, both with a look of anger~
Alice Knight: Boys, boys, boys. Calm down. There is nothing going on here. No conspiracies. No theories. Nothing.
~Alice Knight smiles out towards the crowd, and makes her way towards the ring. She gets to the ring, and walks up the steel steps, before stepping through the ropes. She stands in front of PerZag and Bob Grenier, staring at both of them~
Alice Knight: Boys…….
~Before, Alice can continue, PerZag and Bob take a quick glance at one another, and attack Alice, hitting her with a double clothesline~
Hood: Yes. Power and Worth are back.
Smith: Oh, god. Not this again. Please say we don’t get dickhead Richard again.
Hood: Wasn’t he great when he came back with Power and Worth?
Smith: No. He wasn’t.
~PerZag and Bob lift Alice up off of her feet, but she quickly shrugs them off, before hitting a forearm to the face of Bob. She follows up with a forearm to the face of PerZag, before running over and clotheslining Bob to the mat. She stands up, turns around, and receives a quick kick from PerZag, followed up with a PerZag Perfection, slamming her to the mat
PerZag tells Bob to get up, and Bob does, before walking over to Alice, and lifting her up to her feet as well. Bob locks Alice into a front chancery, before lifting her up, and slamming her to the mat with a muscle buster~
Smith: Shit, Hollinger Park Hangman is one devastating move.
Hood: Finally, Alice got exactly what she deserved.
Smith: And why does she deserve this?
Hood: Because she annoys me.
~PerZag and Bob Grenier lift Alice up off of her feet, and toss her over the top rope and to the outside of the ring, before high-fiving each other. Bob picks up one of the microphones, and speaks out to the crowd~
Bob Grenier: Power and Worth are back. This new management better watch out.
~Bob Grenier drops the microphone as the crowd cheers, and turns around. PerZag delivers a swift kick into the midsection of Grenier, before lifting him up on his shoulders, and hitting him with a power bomb into a double knee backbreaker~
Smith: Holy shit, The Worthiest Move of All.
Hood: What? He just turned on Grenier. Power and Worth are over just like that.
~PerZag picks up a microphone off of the mat, and speaks~
PerZag: Sorry, Bob. Power and Worth is in the past. This new management requires us to look out for ourselves. Which means one thing. I am going to be the NEW OCW Champion in a couple of weeks. I will be standing over the two of you like I am doing right now. The Championship is as good as mine.
~PerZag drops the microphone as ‘Eye of the Tiger’ blasts over the PA system, and PerZag exits the ring, and walks towards the back gathering a huge amount of boos from the crowd as the Tron displays “Boo”. We cut to the Eastern European’s office. He is on the phone~
Eastern European: It is great show, yes? Yes, Mr. Welsh?
~EE receives an ear full~
Eastern European: Don’t worry about that…he got his back pay in the event is main tonight. The PerZag lay him out, I just see.
~EE rubs his forehead with stress receiving another lecture~
Eastern European: Match is already sign. I cannot remove…okay…okay….I do it. Thank you for the understanding of you in this matter Mr. Welsh.
~EE hangs up, looking disappointed~
Eastern European: It official. Bob Grante is suspend for OCW Title match. Such shame.
~We fade to black~