OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, May 8th 2017
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
“LA… LA, LA LA… Wait till I get my money right…”
~‘Can’t tell me nothing’ hits and is quickly hit with boos. ‘The Marvel’ Matt Meyhu steps out from the back and begins making his way to the ring. With his savage title around his waist and his tag team title draped over his shoulder, he flashes a smug grin at the fans booing him. Matt hops up onto the apron and climbs into the ring~
Smith: Welcome everybody to Monday Night Massacre! It appears we are starting things off with a our number one contender!
Hood: Hell yea…beats looking at all those retarded signs!
~Meyhu grabs a microphone before taking a second to soak up the boos~
Meyhu: Thank you, thank you… Thank you… Really! And you know what? I should probably say you’re welcome too!
Smith: For what?!
Meyhu: Could you imagine if someone like Rebel or Chaotic won that rumble? Could you imagine if Iggy Hardy was in line for a shot at the OCW Championship? You guys even be here tonight?
~The fans begin to cheer for anybody but Meyhu~
Meyhu: I didn’t think so. Me neither, honestly! But hey, I got this! The job is done, don’t you worry. It won’t be long until we’ll all be living in the world we’ve hoped to live in. A world where ‘The Marvel’ has that gold around his waist. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Matt, look at all that gold you’ve got! I know, sloppy drunk in row three, I know. As nice as these are, I think you know I’m destined for something a little different.
~Meyhu smiles at the crowd~
Hood: Hell yeah!
Smith: Oh brother.
Meyhu: What’s ahead of me may be my toughest challenge yet. My most Incredible competition to date. A favorite of mine and yours!
Hood: Amen. Are you ready for this, Smith? I can’t imagine a better match!
~The fans begin booing again. Meyhu shrugs his shoulders~
Meyhu: I know! I don’t want us to fight either. But it’s the situation we’ve put ourselves in. All I can say to my dear friend is… May the best man win.
“STOP - IT’S THE MOTHAFUCKIN’ REMIX”
~The bass drops of “Lean Back” by Fat Joe blast throughout the OCW Arena as the crowd’s jeers continue to grow. Meyhu is in the ring, clapping his hands as OCW Paradigm Champion and the other number one contender the Incredible One emerges from the curtain, with a grin from ear to ear. He points down the ramp to Meyhu as TIO laughs, flipping off the fans, as he makes it to the apron. TIO rolls into the ring and the two embrace in a brotherly hug before TIO grabs a microphone~
Hood: TIO vs. Meyhu for the OCW Championship… could it get any better?
Smith: I could think of any other combination.
Hood: Oh really? Like what? Alice Knight? MJ Bell? PerZag? Please, the real champs are here to battle it out.
TIO: I got to say - I’m speechless. I knew that the Aptitude was going to be dominant but I didn’t realize that the entire OCW locker room has rolled over like dead dogs. Our group has done nothing but destroyed everyone in our path and now, battling it out for the top prize in OCW, is your Savage Champion and your Paradigm Champion - the two top champions in OCW, where the winner gets the OCW Championship. The only thing that would’ve made last week better was if you and CJ were the final two but some bitch had to fuck that up - but don’t worry CJ pal I’m gonna fix that for you when I decimate Josie Barnes.
~Meyhu nods in agreement as TIO’s playful nature starts to fade away and more serious face emerges~
TIO: But for real Meyhu, we are brothers - and brothers look out for each other. You don’t see many times in a fed history of any kind where two members of the same group fight over the top prize. But… it doesn’t have to be like that. See, you and I go way back, we met in Boardwalk Wrestling, where you and I, from entirely two different sides of the coin, laid waste to the roster. We almost had the chance to tag together, but it didn't’ happen. You are one of only two men to be a two-time Atlantic City Champion, and I think we can agree that Boardwalk was your yard - your federation, the one you controlled.
~Again, Meyhu nods in agreement and the crowd boo’s~
TIO: Well, where Boardwalk was your fed… OCW is mine. I debuted in 2014 and did nothing but start at the top and I’ve never stopped. See, you are a two-time Atlantic City Champion and this is my first shot at the top prize in OCW. I’m a former two-time Central Champion and current reigning Paradigm Champion, the only original champion of 2017 to not lose their belt yet. So like I said… brothers look out for each other. So, I want you to look out for me.
~Meyhu’s excited expression becomes lost as a tad bit of confusion draws across his face~
Meyhu: Uh, what exactly are you getting at, brother?
TIO: If we had the chance to be together in Boardwalk, I would’ve done ANYTHING for you, knowing it was your fed. So I want you to do the same thing for me. Do the right thing Meyhu, let my destiny become reality… lay down for me, and allow me to become OCW Champion.
~Half the crowd boos and the other half gasps at the request from TIO. Meyhu scratches his head a little~
Meyhu: Are you… You’re fucking with me right? Don’t worry everyone! He’s only kidding. This guy has a sense of humor like you wouldn’t believe.
~Meyhu looks across the ring at TIO, who is not smiling. He scratches his head once again~
Meyhu: You’re serious? This means that much to you?
TIO: If it was you vs. me, and it was for the Atlantic City Championship… I… I would’ve done the same for you… Yeah. Meyhu, this is something I’ve wanted more than anything. Injury forced me out of it in 2014, and now, finally it’s within my grasp. We’re a team… take one for the team.
Meyhu: Man… I appreciate you saying that. Hey, I’ve been there. I know what that feeling is like. Still… I’ve put in a lot of work here too, you know? I hear you, I do. And nobody wants you to win more than I do. Let me sleep on it.
~Meyhu approaches TIO. TIO’s eyes widen and his jaw drops~
TIO: Wait… really?
Meyhu: Sure, if it’s that important. I gotta consider it, buddy.
~Meyhu pats TIO on the shoulder, leaving him stunned. He sets his mic down and exits the ring. TIO shakes his head before following Meyhu as the camera pans to ringside~
Smith: What do you make of that, Hood? Some friction between Aptitude members?
Hood: Nah, just typical negotiations between super stars. Meyhu will do the right thing.
Smith: Which is?
Hood: Lay down for TIO. This is clearly TIO’s time…Meyhu lays down for him, TIO wins the OCW Title. He then passes the Paradigm Title over to CJ. All is well…then, once TIO is done with the OCW Title he can pass it to Meyhu
Smith: That sounds awful
Hood: What do you mean it sounds awful?
Smith: That sounds like everything that is BAD with professional wrestling. I’m no fan of these two men representing our OCW Title scene but they should at least be forced to fight it out.
Hood: Pssh, you just can’t stand friendship, can you? You’re a single, getting older by the day bitter man so you have to WRECK other people’s happiness
Smith: That’s not it at all…it’s about competition and earning your spot. The scenario you laid out could likely kill OCW.
Hood: Only thing that could kill this fucking place would be a Dangerous Dan OCW Title run
Smith: Well, that certainly wouldn’t be good…anyway, folks, it’s time for another edition of Monday Night Massacre…as you just saw, The Incredible One and Meyhu are our new #1 contenders for the vacant OCW Title.
Hood: For now…until Meyhu fulfills his obligation
Smith: That match is scheduled to take place next week, May 15th…and, assuming it goes like it’s supposed to…we will have a new OCW Champion at the culmination of one of the biggest matches in company history.
Hood: There you go, trying to ruin friendships again!
Smith: So, having said that…we’ve got a busy night ahead of us…let’s head down to ringside and get started.
Hood: Dodging the subject, man!
Tag Team Match
8 Legged Freaks (0-0) vs. Deluxxx (0-1)
~We see Shootah and Depth already in the ring. Shootah has his doctor’s note from last week all duct taped together. Depth tries to rip it apart but the duct tape is too mighty…so he flings it out of the ring and yells at Shootah~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…this opening match is a tag team match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 410lbs…Deluxxx!!!
~HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Nearly blows out the OCW Arena speakers. ”Jump” by Van Halen hits…the crowd leaps to their feet!! Tony the Spider emerges with his fanny pack and shades. Timmy Daddy Long Legs ducks through the curtain to keep from hitting his head. He stands behind Tony…it’s a weird contrast. The duo make their way to the ring. Timmy looks like he could be on some public access commercial about third world starvation. They reach the ring. Timmy steps onto the apron and then over the ropes. Tony rolls like a small child under the bottom rope and into the ring. Timmy helps him to his feet. Despite their awkward appearance the crowd is firmly behind them~
Belvedere: And their opponents…at a total combined with of 400lbs…Tony The Spider Webb and Timmy Daddy Long Legs Webb…8 Legged Freaks!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: The tag team division in OCW is heating up
Hood: I guess…can you really consider these fucking cousins…or brothers…or whatever weird fucking relation they have to one another…can you really consider them a legitimate tag team?
Smith: Tony the Spider did outlast about half the field in last week’s Rumble
Hood: Fuck this world
~Shootah is hyperventilating. Depth shakes his head and says, “FINE! I’ll start the damn match.” Shootah thanks him repeatedly while stepping through the ropes. Depth approaches the diminutive, strange looking Tony the Spider. Depth enjoys a height and size advantage…he shoves his hair chest into Tony’s face. Tony smiles and starts to laugh with his nose and glasses buried into Depth’s pecks. The vibrations feel funny so Depth pulls away with a weird look~
Smith: I guess even low level porn directors find some behavior to be off putting
Hood: I bet Tony the Spider could find cult status as a porn star
Smith: I don’t even want to think about that
Hood: It’s too late man…Tony the Spider grinding on some woman while laughing is going to haunt your fuckin dreams
~Depth reaches back and drives a forearm at Tony. It nails Tony in the face! Tony falls to the mat! The crowd gasps with shock. Depth looks at his forearm…he looks down at Tony and can’t believe he knocked an opponent down. His shock turns into confidence. He lifts an elbow up and drops it on Tony the Spider. Depth is quick to his feet…he poses for the crowd, who boos~
Smith: Deluxxx might get their first win since January!
Hood: See? This is what happens when you put guys like Tony the fucking Spider in a ring…Deluxxx wins a match!
Smith: Everybody has a right to compete in OCW!
Hood: No, not everybody
~Depth yanks Tony up by his hair and drags him into his teams corner. He makes Tony tag Timmy! Timmy awkwardly steps through the ropes. Depth gives him some room. Timmy tentatively heads toward the middle of the ring. He looks skinny, brittle, and scared. Depth lunges forward with a head butt into Timmy’s chest!! Timmy falls to the mat, much like Tony. The fans boo the action~
Smith: John E Depth is just toying with these boys…errr men, I guess you’d call them.
Hood: Hey, the guy hasn’t won a match since the Nixon administration…let him enjoy this
Smith: Nixon administration?
Hood: He doesn’t like to talk about it…between you and me, he’s Deepthroat
Smith: He is not!
~Shootah yells out “Yo B, tag me in!” Depth points at Shootah…the crowd gives out a lackluster “sure.” Depth tags Shootah into the match. He runs over to Timmy. Shootah jumps the full ten inches he’s able to achieve into the air and drops a leg across Timmy’s chest! He pops back to his feet and flexes…he’s got no muscles~
Smith: Interesting seeing this man’s arrogance considering he fears competition
Hood: It’s not that he fears competition…he just fears getting his ass kicked which, sadly, happens every time he’s in competition
Smith: Can we just fire these two?
Hood: No way…you never fire mid-level porn directors.
Smith: LOW level porn directors, Hood
Hood: Excuse me for besmirching the opulent industry of pornography
~Shootah pulls Timmy to his feet and drags him into his team’s corner, much like Depth did. He tells Tony to tag in. Tony does. Shootah shuffles his feet with a terrible moonwalk impersonation. He finds the center of the ring and waves Tony his way. Tony laughs, pointing at Shootah’s feet. Shootah frowns and says “Get over here so I can kick your ass, yo!” Tony heads Shootah’s way~
Smith: It’s official…Shootah can’t moon walk
Hood: Just another thing that man can’t do
Smith: It’s a long list, for sure
~Tony reaches Shootah. Shootah pie faces Tony and laughs, pointing at his chubby face, bad hair, and stupid shirt. Tony unzips his fanny pack. Shootah balls his fist and does an exaggerated wind up. Tony reaches into his fanny pack with his right hand. He removes it and lunges forward, drilling Shootah in the chin!!! Shootah falls to the mat, unconscious. Tony places his hand back into his fanny pack, removes it and zips the pack up. He laughs while covering Shootah~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here are your winners…8 LEGGED FREAKS!!!!!
Smith: Shootah got busted!
Hood: The hell is inside that fanny pack?
Smith: I’d say Shootah could tell you…but I doubt he’s going to remember this match after a punch like that
Hood: Man, he really is fucking useless, isn’t he?
Smith: When it comes to wrestling AND moon walking…yes
~Tony laughs and runs out of the ring. Timmy greets him at the bottom of the ramp. Together they share a laugh. Depth stands over Shootah and looks down at him. He points and says, “See what I’m dealing with? Unbelievable”~
Smith: 8 Legged Freaks come away with the win in a strange match…but, I guess when dealing with Tony the Spider normal would be strange.
Hood: They are undefeated…who knows…maybe THEY are the ones destined to dethrone The Aptitude
Smith: That would be the worst pay off ever
Hood: Don’t tell me about worst payoffs ever…fucking off shore betting sites paying only a fraction back on my Kentucky Derby bet…FUCK THEM
Smith: That’s why I don’t gamble. Anyway, folks, we’re just getting started tonight…seven more matches await…but, before we get to those, let’s head backstage!
~We cut backstage where Annie Alvarez pulls up in a pink sports car. The top is down. Her hair is flying all over the place. Next to her is PLETHORA. His hood is flapping around. She darts into a parking spot and kills the engine. While exiting the vehicle she barks some orders at Plethora…he grabs her suitcase and an ice chest. His body language leads us to believe he’s cursing under his breath. Annie is looking at the ground while heading in our direction…she seems focused, preoccupied. She looks up and spots a familiar face…a smile jumps across her face~
Annie Alvarez: Marcus!
~She runs up and leaps onto Marcus. He returns her hug with far less enthusiasm. She steps back, feeling the cool breeze embedded within his vibe. She slides her shades up and looks concerned~
Annie Alvarez: What’s wrong?
Marcus Welsh: I need to speak with this guy…this….Plethora.
~Concern morphs into fear. Her equanimity fades – Annie does what she can to suppress her frenetic impulses~
Annie Alvarez: You don’t what HIM? He’s just a lackey. Some guy that follows me around to give off the illusion I’m well protected. He’s useless…guy can’t even talk, Marcus.
Marcus Welsh: I’m not so sure about that. Last week he was the only person around after Jade Spritz was attacked from behind…the same way Josie was attacked…the same way Ruby was attacked and…the same way you were attacked.
Annie Alvarez: He wouldn’t do that to me.
Marcus Welsh: Oh? And why is that?
~Annie searches for an answer. In the background we see Plethora quietly place her suitcase and cooler on the ground. His right foot inches back like he’s prepared to take off~
Annie Alvarez: Because he just wouldn’t. I’m a great judge in character…I mean, take you for instance. I’m seeing you, aren’t I?
~Welsh’s chest rises with thought. He throws his head in the direction of Plethora. The faceless men step out from behind him. Annie throws her hands in the air~
Annie Alvarez: Wait! Just let me talk to him…for once second?
Marcus Welsh: Fine.
~Annie approaches the skittish Plethora. She speaks quietly with him. He nods. She gives him a hug and returns to Welsh~
Annie Alvarez: Alright, he’ll go with you. He’s not going to be any trouble and, trust me, he is not your attacker. You’re going to feel really stupid when this is all over.
Marcus Welsh: It’s my job to ensure the safety of everyone involved with OCW. You know that. I’m not going to hurt him. If we quarantine him for the entire night and an attack happens…then he’s cleared, alright? Nothing to worry about.
Annie Alvarez: Whatever. Have someone carry my shit inside since Plethora is being detained.
~Marcus tries to touch Annie’s arm but she pulls away. He looks at the ground, shaking his head. He spots a normal member of OCW security. He angrily points at her belongings~
Macus Welsh: Well? You heard the lady! Carry her shit inside!
~The member of OCW security snaps to it. The faceless men are lingering around Plethora. Welsh waves them away and points toward a small building several hundred feet away. It looks like it could be a detached utility closet~
Marcus Welsh: Alright Plethora, follow me.
~Welsh leads, Plethora follows. The faceless men aren’t far behind, keeping Plethora in sight. We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: The mysterious Plethora is now in the hands of our GM
Hood: Good, maybe they can take that ridiculous fucking costume off…seriously, a grim reaper wannabe? Like, what the fuck?
Smith: Hey, it’s how he chooses to get around. So…do you think he’s the culprit?
Hood: Probably…the way Annie bosses him around it’d make perfect sense for him to bash her over the head.
Smith: I certainly hope not…for whatever reason she seems to care about Plethora
Hood: Yea, who knows why…maybe she really enjoyed Scream.
Smith: At any rate, I’m sure we’ll find out tonight whether or not Plethora is the one behind these attacks…in the meantime, we’ve got some wrestling to get to so…let’s head down to ringside!
Rick Mad (0-0) vs. “Detective” Jack Puffer (0-2)
~Jack Puffer is in the ring. He seems lost, devoid of purpose…his facial hair is a little longer than usual. His wrestling attire appears to be somewhat unclean. Suddenly, a person near ringside yells “I’ve lost my keys!” Puffer perks up and leaps out of the ring. He confidently walks to a person and hands them his card saying “Detective Jack Puffer at your service.” The person looks blankly and says, “That wasn’t me.” Undaunted, Puffer continues to search for the person who lost their keys~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Aurora, Illinois…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 215lbs…’Detective’ Jack Puffer!!!
~"Breadline" by Megadeth begins to play as the lights dim. Smoke billows from the aisle as Rick Mad appears from the darkness. His eyes shoot all over the place and an eerie feeling sets in as his eyes could give the Devil himself the hebejeebees. Rick now focuses his eyes on the ring as he slowly walks down the aisle. Reaching the ring, he slowly climbs to the apron and peers around the arena. The crowd is mixed based on the mystery presenting itself. Rick dives under the top rope and into the ring. He climbs the top turn buckle and just peers out at the crowd with his scary eyes as he jumps down and back into the ring, death glaring the referee.~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from The Space Between…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 245lbs…Rick Mad!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: I’m not sure how to seriously diagnose this match. We’ve got a menacing, dangerous looking rookie against…Jack Puffer
Hood: That’s if Puffer can locate the person who has lost their keys
Smith: The odds on that happening are unlikely
Hood: Did you know Puffer has never won a game of Clue before?
Smith: No, I did not
Hood: It’s true. I played with him one time. He was terrible.
~Puffer can’t seem to locate the person in need. So, he takes out a stack of cards from his pocket and flings them into the crowd. They flutter down like dollar bills being dropped from the second floor of a strip club. Puffer smiles, he feels as though he’s just done some great advertising. He slides back into the ring. In the background we see people collect his cards and look at them…they appear unsure~
Smith: Well, they are at least reading his card
Hood: That’s a start
Smith: Who knows, he could rustle up some business from one of those cards…stranger things have happened
Hood: Indeed…it happened last summer on Netflix!
Smith: Terrible joke
~Puffer has one card remaining. He hands it to Rick Mad. Mad is motionless. He finally slaps the card out of Puffer’s hand and brings him in for a Rock Bottom. Mad leans over, bending Puffer backward and spins him to the mat with a Sister Abigail!!! Puffer is laid out. Mad goes for the quick cover as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings. We instantly see every person holding a Puffer card pull out lighters and set them on fire. All his cards burn as Belvedere makes the announcement~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….RICK MAD!!!!!
Smith: Well, that was easy
Hood: How did all of those people get through with fucking lighters?
Smith: That is an excellent question
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
Smith: Puffer loses again but this Rick Mad appears to be a force. He’s got a no nonsense style and moves extremely well for a man his size.
Hood: I’ve said it before…I’ll say it again…fucker needs to beat somebody tougher than Puffer.
Smith: Indeed…alright folks, let’s head backstage before we get to our next match!
~The camera fades backstage and you are in the women's locker room. You zoom in on a single red rose sitting on a bench with a note that has Josie Barnes on it. As if on cue, Barnes walks into the camera view and looks at the rose. She bends down and picks up the card addressed to her. The camera zooms in on the note so you can read it also. ~
~Barnes look perplexed by this note but needs to get in the right mindset for her upcoming Process of Elimination Match later tonight. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: It appears as though Miss Barnes has a secret admirer!
Hood: Well we know it isn’t Tony the Spider. There was no laughing in that note
Smith: Could it have been Chaotic?
Hood: Doubtful…I’m not sure he can write.
Smith: Hmm…she’s relatively new here…so it’s got to be someone from Survivor, right?
Hood: The fuck if I know. It could be Jade Spritz…it could be the Eastern European! Hell, that guy has to get his rocks off every once in awhile
Smith: For the sake of the lovely, talented Josie Barnes I hope it is someone whose feelings she can reciprocate
Hood: Not me…I hate love stories.
Smith: That’s an interesting development for Josie Barnes who is scheduled to compete in tonight’s main event. Up next, however, we have the singles debut of Jacqui Monroe. Let’s head down to ringside!
Jacqui Monroe (1-0) vs. Tatum Coe (0-3)
~Coe is already in the ring. He looks disgusted to be there. Why is he still wrestling? He doesn’t need the money…does he?~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Miami Beach, Florida…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 215lbs…Tatum Coe!!!
~Arch Enemy's 'We Will Rise' blares through the speakers, as Jacqui M appears on the platform, devil horns already in the air. As she begins to walk down the entrance way, the blonde allows herself a moment to headbang to her entrance tune, before making her way down to the ring. She enters it without much of a fuss, sheds her leather jacket, and waits for the bell to ring~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Tokyo, Japan…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 130lbs…Jacqui Monroe!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: The once main event level star, Tatum Coe continues to tarnish his legacy. Can he turn it around tonight?
Hood: Probably not…or, at least you won’t hear me say otherwise with that crazy woman within a hundred feet
Smith: Smart move…Jacqui Monroe is a high energy, unpredictable character
Hood: That’s putting it pretty fucking nicely
~Coe goes right after Monroe. She ducks a clothesline and runs into the corner. She hops onto the middle rope and performs a slingshot splash!! She nails it perfectly on Coe who had turned around to locate his opponent. He falls to the mat, roughly. Monroe stays on top of Coe and batters him with forearms to the head~
Smith: Wow! She’s all over the former LightWeight Champion!
Hood: Fucking guy never had a chance
Smith: It’s not over but, I do agree that his odds of winning are slimmer than Timmy Webb
Hood: Wow, a fucking joke…look at you go, dick face!
Smith: Uhh, thanks?
~Monroe returns to her feet. The crowd is solidly behind her. She crouches and waits for Coe to get to his. Coe is shaky. He returns to his feet holding his face in pain. Monroe lunges forward and SMACKS Coe right in the face with the Jacqui Kick!!! Coe falls to the mat. It appears as though Jacqui could pin Coe if she wanted to, however, she’s got one move left to pull off~
Smith: Jacqui Monroe is impressive
Hood: No shit…I’d like to see that mystery fucker attack her
Smith: Quiet! Don’t give that nefarious individual any ideas
Hood: Dude, it’s Plethora…we all know it and he’s locked up. The women of OCW are safe!
Smith: I wouldn’t exactly go that far…
Hood: True, Iggy Hardy is backstage, somewhere
~Monroe pulls Coe to his feet. She looks his head under her arm and signals out to the crowd. They fill the OCW Arena with cheers. In one fluid motion, she kicks her legs out and slams Coe face first into the mat with Drop Dead Gorgeous!!! Jacqui rolls Coe over and makes the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…JACQUI MONROE!!!!!
Smith: Tremendous win for Jacqui Monroe…Coe never stood a chance
Hood: Nope, she beat him about as easily as I’ve ever seen the guy get beat
Smith: Indeed…she’s really talented and someone I think can go a long way in OCW
Hood: Yep but, like I say…she’s got to beat tougher fuckers than Tatum Coe
Smith: Indeed…well folks, let’s head backstage before we enter into the mid card portion of our lineup!
~Mack O’Connor sits on a couch in his dressing room. He sips a beer, his foot tapping on the ground impatiently. After a moment the door opens up, and Treat Cassidy enters~
Treat: Mack, I’m glad you came.
Mack: You fuckin’ better be. I’m not even booked. I was looking forward to staying home.
Treat: Where is home, exactly?
Mack: That’s low, Treat. Even for you.
Treat: You found an apartment, right?
Mack: In the process.
Treat: Good… Look, you know how things have shifted here. How my clientele has been changing.
Mack: Sure.
Treat: So I think you should finally meet someone. I mean, you’ve technically met already but I think an official introduction is appropriate.
Mack: Wait… Are you talking about…
~The door is kicked open, and Iggy Hardy walks in. He seems as jacked as ever as he stands next to Treat~
Iggy: Treat! My man!
Treat: Hello, Iggy. I believe you know Mack.
Iggy: Mack! Yes, I know Mack! Everyone knows Mack! Rock hard, man!
Mack: …the fuck…
Treat: Look, the landscape of OCW is shifting. And we need to shift with it. Mack, I know you and Vargas had your issues and you got over them. Now, you have to get used to a new partner, okay?
Mack: You want Iggy to be my partner?
Iggy: Fuck yeah! Count me in! I’m down!
Mack: Calm down there, tiger.
Treat: Partners, allies, whatever you want to call it. You’re officially on the same side. I figured you should get to know each other.
~Mack lets out a sigh and looks at Iggy~
Mack: Fine… What can I say… Iggy, I can honestly say that I’m very happy we’re on the same side. Having you as an enemy would be absolutely terrifying.
Iggy: You know what else is terrifying? Spiders!
~Mack looks at Treat~
Mack: Is this what it’s like talking to me when I’m drunk?
Treat: Kind of.
Mack: Fuck…
~Mack takes another swig of his beer~
Mack: I assume you know what we’re about, right? How we feel about the Aptitude?
Iggy: Fuck the Aptitude! I’ll shove my dick up each one their pretty asses!
Treat: Whoa whoa… I mean… I guess we know where he stands, right?
Mack: I guess so. But still, me and him against the three of them? And Welsh? Still a bit unbalanced. Maybe you can talk to MJ?
Treat: MJ is still technically a client but she’s doing her own thing.
Iggy: I’d like to do her own thing.
Mack: Christ…
Treat: For now, it’s just us. Until we can find someone else, it’s just us.
~There’s a knock at the door~
Mack: Another surprise?
Treat: Not from me…
~Mack swigs his beer before looking to the door~
Mack: Come in!
~The door opens. Mack, Iggy, and Treat all watch as Curt Canon strolls into the dressing room~
Mack: Is my dressing room some sort of open forum now? What the fuck are you doing here?
Treat: Mr. Canon, we all respect you, but we’re kind of in the middle of something here.
Canon: I can see that…
~Canon glances at Iggy, who is casually stroking his junk over his shorts as if it were the same thing as scratching his arm. Canon shakes off the image and looks to Mack and Treat`
Canon: Um… I’ll get to the point. I came back to OCW for multiple reasons. But that’s irrelevant. When I decided to step in the ring here again, I was pained to see what this place had become. The Aptitude runs this place. Not because of their talent, but because of their connections. Everyone knows it, and so do I.
Treat: So what?
Canon: So I want to help. I want to help take this place back to what it used to be. I want to help restore it to its former glory.
Treat: And?
Canon: Who else better to help me than you guys?
Iggy: Fuckin’ right, doggy
Canon: Ok… Look, I don’t know what you guys have planned. But you seem like the right people to talk to. So what do you say we start talking about how we move forward?
~Mack and Treat exchange a glance, and they give Canon a nod~
Mack: Sit down. Let’s talk.
Iggy: Fuck yeah! Talk!
Treat: Iggy, go get ready for your match.
Iggy: Roger that! Moving out!
~Iggy throws the door open and sprints out. Canon sits down on the couch next to Mack, and the three of them begin to talk. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Treat Cassidy is looking to rebuild this clientele
Hood: Hmm, so MJ and Vargas are out...Iggy and Canon are in...I can fucking dig that
Smith: Iggy Hardy is one of the most successful stars of 2017 and Canon is a hall of famer
Hood: Pretty fucking impressive...and they both have matches tonight, right?
Smith: Indeed...with a lot at stake. Canon will be competing in his first singles match since 2014...meanwhile, if Iggy can defeat Bradley Carrington he'll receive a shot at the OCW Paradigm Championship
Hood: Sounds rad
Smith: Alright...well folks, up next we have the return of Kenshin Takamura as he takes on Rebel! Let's head down to ringside!
Rebel (8-3) vs. Kenshin Takamura (1-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall!!
~The very second the opening chords to "Ride On Shooting Star (FLCL Ending Extended)" by The Pillows strikes, the crowd is already on their feet for Kenshin Takamura as he emerges from the entrance tunnel. With a confident smirk on his face, The Ace of Aces raises his index finger up to the sky, gaining him a thunderous pop as the audience also mirrors him in the stands. This brings a grin to his face before he continues down the entrance ramp, slapping a few hands on his way to the ring. After jogging up the stairs, he crosses the apron and raises an index finger toward the crowd who, once again, mirror him as they cheer him on. Cameras flash like strobe lights as he turns and vaults himself over the ropes. He crosses to the far turnbuckle, pulls himself up, and, once more, raises his index finger toward the crowd, and, you guessed it, they mirror him again and rabidly take pictures. He looks around at the audience with a smile and a nod before backflipping off the top rope, displaying his impressive athletic ability despite his age. As he takes his corner, Takamura stretches out while awaiting the starting bell~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Tokyo, Kantō, Japan…standing 6’1 and weighing in at 228lbs…Kenshin Takamura!!!
~The lights around the arena turn to red as the opening strains of "Slow Me Down" by the Devin Townsend Band play out, the lights flicker red and white. The camera swoops down to the entrance to show the silhouette of a man, his back turned to the camera, with his left hand raised in a fist above his head, the lights all suddenly burst on as a huge explosion rocks the arena. Rebel rotates quickly, pumping his fist at his side as he does, he begins the walk down to the ring, reaching out periodically to shake hands with the fans. He jumps up onto the ring apron and turns quickly, his arms wrapped around the top rope, again he pumps his left fist in the air then hops over the top rope. He walks around the ring, his fist raised, then stops in the middle, a bank of red fireworks sweep across the side of the ring behind him~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’7 and weighing in at 240lbs…Rebel!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: I don’t know about you, Hood…but this is a match I’ve been eagerly anticipating all week
Hood: Oh calm the fuck down
Smith: What? We’ve got one of OCW’s brightest starts of 2017 against one of its top performers from 2014.
Hood: I’m more concerned about the hairstyles…you’ve got Kenshin’s wild, over the top hair against Rebel’s bleach job. Which hair will reign supreme?
Smith: I’m not a cosmetologist therefore I am unqualified to provide a professional response.
Hood: Fucking cosmetology…trying to make hair stylists sound intelligent. Just call them what they are…college drop outs.
~Kenshin approaches Rebel. He offers his hand. Rebel accepts. The two men circle one another. The crowd breaks out into a “Kenshin!” chant. They are obviously happy to see the wrestling star returning to singles competition. He locks up with Rebel! Rebel uses his size advantage to bully Kenshin against the ropes. Scruff forces a break. It’s a clean one. Rebel charges forward for a knee lift…Kenshin dodes it…Rebel’s knee goes through the ropes. He’s left half in/half out, straddling the middle rope. Kenshin turns around and jumps into the air with a dropkick! It connects! Rebel falls through the ropes, to the outside~
Smith: Nice try by Rebel but Kenshin is a true veteran of this sport
Hood: Yea man I remember his matches against Pryde and Syren…guy gave it everything he had
Smith: And he’s even more experienced now…this could be Kenshin’s year in OCW
Hood: Well, don’t forget about psycho Monroe…his tag partner.
Smith: Indeed! They have their eyes set on those Tag Titles
~Rebel gets to his feet. Kenshin steps away from the ropes, allowing Rebel safe re-entry. Rebel steps onto the apron and climbs back into the ring. The two men circle each other once again. Rebel dives in for a lock up…Kenshin ducks and hits the ropes. Rebel turns around and receives a flying forearm!! He backs into the ropes. Kenshin charges in and he clotheslines Rebel over the top and to the outside!! Rebel lands on his feet but falls into the barricade~
Smith: Kenshin, thus far, is one step ahead of Rebel
Hood: Yea, the guy is a tactician alright…he’s constantly thinking one move ahead
Smith: Indeed…not only do you have to be a tremendous athlete to defeat Takamura…but you have to be an elite thinker as well
Hood: Elite thinker…man, there’s got to be a better word for that
Smith: Strategist? I don’t know, Hood…I’m going on the fly here!
Hood: Schemer!
Smith: We are not playing on that stereotype
Hood: Hey, you brought it up, not me
~Again, Kenshin permits safe passage for Rebel. Rebel slides into the ring this time, reaching his feet. The two men circle each other a third time. Rebel charges in for another lock up…he stops, however, using the motion as a fake. Kenshin takes off, thinking that Rebel went through with the motion. He hits the ropes again…Rebel turns around, catches Kenshin and slams him into the mat with a spine buster!! The fans applaud the move, impressed with Rebel’s ability to adapt~
Smith: Wow, impressive mental display by Rebel
Hood: I guess the bleach hasn’t murdered ALL of his brain cells…but it’s only a matter of time
Smith: Keep sleeping on Rebel…he’s going to be OCW Champion one day, Hood
Hood: How dare you bring my sexuality into question! I would NEVER sleep on Rebel
Smith: That’s not what I meant…do I look like I manage a diner?
~Takamura doesn’t stay down long. He motions to sit up…Rebel grabs Takamura by his long hair and yanks him to his feet. Rebel drills Takamura in the chin with a forearm. Takamura is staggered. Rebel hoists Takamura up into a fireman’s carry. Takamura wiggles free and lands on his feet behind Rebel. He hooks Rebel around the waist…Rebel throws an elbow, it connects. Takamura’s grip loosens. Rebel rushes toward the ropes, he bounces off and is met with a knee into the midsection! Rebel flips over, onto the mat, back first~
Smith: Sometimes a simple knee lift can be the most effective maneuver
Hood: That should be someone’s finisher. The Knee Lift
Smith: You might be taking it a little too far
Hood: CJ finishes people with a flying knee…you talking smack about CJ?
Smith: Certainly not!
~Takamura pulls Rebel back to his feet and doubles him over with a knee. He hooks Rebel around the waist and flips him over with a Gut Wrench Suplex. Takamura pulls Rebel back to his feet…Rebel shoves Takamura away. Rebel goes for a boot…Takamura ducks it. Rebel turns around and is nailed with a jumping knee. He staggers into a corner. Takamura charges in with a flying knee…Rebel moves and Takamura knees the top buckle! Takamura staggers backwards…Rebel turns him around and slugs him in the gut with a right uppercut. Takamura doubles over…Rebel under hooks both of Takamura’s arms, lifts him up and drops him with a Double Under Hook Backbreaker!! Takamura arches his back and rolls toward the ropes…he falls out of the ring, landing safely on his feet~
Smith: Great sequence there…both of these men are really talented
Hood: Yes but Rebel is six foot seven
Smith: So?
Hood: So, it’s NBA playoff season…that means he’s got to have an advantage!
Smith: Quite the incongruous observation, Hood
Hood: I didn’t know Kenshin was into Japanese politics let alone a Japanese congressman!
~Rebel stands near the ropes…he latches onto the top rope. Kenshin is leaning against the apron…he takes a few steps back. Rebel slingshots over the top rope with a plancha…Kenshin catches the big man! The crowd is impressed. Kenshin staggers near the barricade and falls back…he drops Rebel across the barricade in a similar someone would deliver Snake Eyes in a corner! Rebel stands upright and falls backwards, motionless on the ground~
Smith: Kenshin may not be tall but he’s got incredible core strength
Hood: There goes Rebel being a little TOO rebellious
Smith: He’s doing what he feels he must…this isn’t Jake E Dangerously he’s facing
Hood: Who the fuck is that guy?
Smith: It doesn’t matter anymore
~Kenshin returns to his feet. He takes a few minutes to recompose. He grabs Rebel by the hair and tosses him into the ring. Kenshin stands on the apron and heads for the nearest corner. Rebel is lying on his back…but not for long…the determined Rebel rolls over, onto all fours. Kenshin reaches the top. Rebel gets to his feet…Kenshin leaps off with his patented High Fly Flow!! He connects!!! He remains on top of Rebel…Scruff slides in to make the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Close but not quite
Hood: Damn, Kenshin got some height on that move
Smith: He may be getting older but you couldn’t tell by his performance inside the ring
Hood: So he’s slowing down in other areas….areas that would disappoint a certain orange haired individual…
Smith: That’s enough of your grubby speculations!
~The near fall doesn’t rattle Kenshin. He returns to his feet and stands back, ready to strike. Rebel slowly returns to his. Kenshin charges at Rebel and goes for a Sling blade…Rebel holds onto Kenshin and lifts him into the air…he then swings him to the mat with an inverted powerslam!! Kenshin lands hard and remains face down as Rebel is on his knees, crouched over, still in pain~
Smith: Another counter…these two men are countering each other left and right!
Hood: Left and Right…right and left! Sounds like what every woman in existence yells when giving directions from the passenger’s seat
Smith: What a terribly sexist thing to say
Hood: Hey, at least I put her in the passenger’s seat. Bitch should be riding in the back.
Smith: Let’s move on
~Rebel stands back, poised. Takamura gets to all fours and starts to get to his feet…Rebel charges in and goes for Rabble Rouser!! Takamura ducks and dodges the move. Rebel lands awkwardly. Kenshin grabs him from behind and snaps him backwards with a release Saito Suplex!! Rebel lands hard and grabs the back of his head in pain~
Smith: Great move by Kenshin…he’s inarguably one of the best wrestlers in the world
Hood: I’d definitely put him in my top 500
Smith: TOP 500?
Hood: Hey, that’s rarified air. My list goes all the way up to one million
Smith: I’m not sure there are one million wrestlers, currently
~Kenshin returns to his feet…Rebel isn’t far behind, albeit in a state of fog. Kenshin lunges forward with a Roaring Elbow!! He connects!! Rebel falls to the mat, nearly unconscious. Kenshin goes for the pin, quickly. Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Close but not quite
Hood: I think Rebel lost a tooth!
Smith: He might have…that Roaring Elbow which Kenshin calls Tsunami Crash packs a tremendous punch
Hood: You don’t want to lose teeth in OCW…not since Bifford killed the Toothfairy…there isn’t any money in it!
Smith: Thanks for reminding me of that debacle
~Kenshin pops back to his feet. He’s poised to attack. Rebel rolls over…he gets to all fours. Kenshin is light on his feet…he’s like a coiled spring. Rebel gets to a kneeling position. Kenshin throws Tiger Strike(Buzzsaw Kick) at Rebel’s head! Rebel ducks! He pops to his feet, grabs Kenshin from behind and drops him fluidly to the mat with Rebel Yell (Scorpion Death Drop)!!! Kenshin is on his back as Rebel hurries to the nearest corner~
Smith: Rebel Yell!! Rebel is back in this…he’s got a shot to win!
Hood: Holy shit…a win here might vault him into my Top 500!
Smith: You mean to tell me he isn’t ALREADY in your top 500?
Hood: I’m not some whore who just hands people a spot in my Top 500, Smith
~Rebel reaches the top. He looks down at Kenshin. The fans are on their feet. Rebel leaps off with Revolution!! Kenshin starts to sit up but it’s too late…Rebel crashes down on Kenshin!!! The ring shakes from the impact. Rebel hooks Kenshin’s leg as Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings as the fans stand and give a solid ovation to Rebel~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….REBEL!!!!!
Smith: Wow…I know Rebel is one of the top competitors here and he’s had some impressive wins but that, I have to say is somewhat of a shocker
Hood: Maybe Kenshin should stick to Jacqui’s side
Smith: I wouldn’t go that far…Takamura is still one of the most talented wrestlers in the world
Hood: Top 500!
Smith: Right…but his talent is unquestioned…it could be a case of Takamura needing to re-familiarize himself with OCW. I have no doubt Kenshin will bounce back and return to the top of the OCW standings
Hood: There’s a rising sun joke in there somewhere
Smith: Which means it’s time to move on…huge win for Rebel…the man continues to prove he’s one of the best OCW has to offer and I have a feeling he’s going to be featured prominently on June 19th.
Hood: No shit…give that man another title shot…he’s earned it!
Smith: Indeed! It appears as though the ring is cleared and we’re ready to get to our next match
Hood: That was fast.
Smith: Hey, it’s Monday night and we only have so much time…so, how about we turn our attentions toward a huge contest set to take place between…Curt Canon and…
~ “Kings Never Die” by Eminem begins to play and immediately the arena fills with boos. “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell enters from behind the curtain and puts both arms out in the air welcoming the jeers from the crowd. CJ is already dressed in his ring gear which is green and orange camouflage wrestling tights with white boots. O’Donnell has one half of the OCW Tag Team Championship around his left shoulder as he begins to make his way down the ramp. CJ has a smirk from ear to ear and seems to want to get something off of his chest as he is not bickering with the fans like he usually does. CJ slides the championship belt underneath the bottom ropes as he hops up onto the apron and waits a second so if anyone wants to take a picture they can do so. He points out to the crowd before turning around and entering through the middle and top rope. He walks over to Belvedere and snatches the microphone out of his hand as he walks over to the ring ropes and leans up against them before he speaks. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “First thing first you see I was talking with Welsh over the phone about my match later tonight against Robbie “Aire” Rayder and he agrees with me. So in order for us to settle our differences the proper way our match is now a No Disqualification Falls Count Anywhere Match. Hope you are paying attention Robbie because I am going to put a hurting on you tonight.”
~ CJ is no longer leaning against the ropes and he moves back to the center of the ring while the fans start a CJ sucks chant. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “You can all suck my fucking dick. Next order of business … last week Battle Royal. I was fucking robbed. Plain and simple. Josie Barnes was a sore fucking loser and she should have been escorted to the back after she was eliminated. Josie you may think you got one over on The Distinguished One but this is far from over. I will get payback when you least expect.”
~ CJ just stares at the camera as a smirk slowly forms across his face just thinking about what he has in store for Barnes. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “So I know all of you in attendance must be asking yourselves what do I have planned for OCW’s Pay Per View on June 19th. It is very simple…”
~ Brief pause from CJ. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “Legends. That’s right. I want a shot at the OCW Legends. They wanted to come back for a game of Survivor but don’t have the balls to step inside the new and improved OCW. I want the OCW Legends. A true legend would have laced up the boots and got back into the ring when OCW reopened its doors. I do not give a fuck who you are … So Big Bifford, Lurrr, “Perfect” Paul Paras, “Marvelous” Mario Mauruko, Pryde, Scott Syren, Silverfreak, or even Curt “I play with my monkey” Canon…”
~ The crowd pops for Curt Canon’s name as he has a match tonight and CJ just shakes his head in disappointment. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “Canon we have some unfinished business from Survivor and bring that stupid monkey of yours also.”
Curt Canon: "CJ, CJ, CJ...Are you calling me out? I always knew you had a sense of humor, knew it since the first day we landed in the Amazon. Speaking of….you are right we do have some unfinished business. I should have listened to Checkers, I mean you are the only person he tried to kill.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Is that the great Curt Canon? Why don’t you come out from behind the curtain and face me like a man? I hope you have that ape with you because I’ll punt him again.”
Curt Canon: "Come out from behind the curtain, I ain’t got no time for that CJ. I am way too busy back here, ya know hanging out, feeding checkers some nanners, laughing with everyone about how you think you are good enough to take on the Legends of OCW….Seriously, you got these guys cracking up.”
~ You go backstage on the tron and you see Canon sitting in the locker room on a bench with Checkers sitting next to him getting his potassium from his bananas. Checkers waves to the crowd in attendance and they just eat it up. Canon smiles and CJ looks to be getting furious inside the ring. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “So if you guys think I am a joke why don’t you prove me wrong. Why don’t you shut me up? Come on Curt be the hero you claim to be. Or is Checkers the man in the relationship and you are well … a BITCH!”
Curt Canon: “Think you are a joke? Oh no no no CJ you got it all wrong, we don’t think you are a joke….we know you are a joke. Face it, you wouldn’t be where you are today without TIO and Meyhu. You aren’t just the joke of OCW. You are the joke of The Aptitude.”
CJ O’Donnell: “So original like I haven’t heard that one before. So put your money where your mouth is then Curt. June 19th my dance card is free buddy. How about you put up Checkers in the match when you lose.”
Curt Canon: " June 19th, I might be busy. No worries though I will have my people call your people and maybe something can get worked out.”
CJ O’Donnell: “You sound scared Curt so I will sweeten the pot. If, and that is a big if, you win I will be your slave for 30 days. And what the hell let’s make it a ladder match with both contracts high above the ring. You game?”
~ CJ smirks again and you have to wonder what type of plan he has in his mind as he waits for Curt to answer. ~
Curt Canon: "Well that doesn’t seem like a fair trade at all, why would anyone want you to constantly be around them for 30 days?”
CJ O’Donnell: “So what do you want then Curt?”
Curt Canon: " Oh man, I don’t know….this is tough. There are so many options I will have to get back to you. In the meantime though why don’t you go out there and try to prove to everyone that you are actually worthy of a match with me. In case you forgot I was the first man in OCW history to beat Lurrr….Who have you beat? What have you done?”
~ CJ shakes his head like he has heard this so many times before. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “You sound like a broken fucking record. Give it up already. You beat Lurrr big fucking deal. Even a clock that is broken is right twice a day.”
~Curt nods his head in a very agreeing manner.~
Curt Canon: “Hell yeah I sound like a broken record, that is like my one major claim to fame….I am gonna ride that wave into eternity. You have a point though, maybe I do need to stop living in the past and do something big in the present. Maybe it is time for me to write a new chapter in the legacy of Canon. You would be a good jumping off point….take down the weakest member of the 3rd strongest faction in OCW history, now I am intrigued."
~ CJ yawns. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “I am sorry did you say something because all I heard was nonsense. But don’t worry I’ll show you tonight I am capable of hanging with the OCW Legends when I make an example out of Rayder. Good luck in your match buddy I hope you have a babysitter for Checkers I would have for him to get kidnapped or something.”
Curt Canon: “Well I hope you have a babysitter for yourself, cause you are a baby. BOOM! Nailed it….win your match tonight and you are on.
CJ O’Donnell: “Consider it done jackass. Break a leg out there tonight Curt I will definitely be watching your match tonight. I don’t believe all the hype you get.”
~Curt and Checkers look at each other confused.~
Curt Canon: “Well that was mean, why would he want me to break a leg….what a douche.”
~ CJ thinks about answering him but does not want to waste any more time with Canon. He just drops the microphone in the ring and exits the ring as you get one final image of Checkers and Canon who are waving to the fans in attendance. We focus back on the announcers~
Smith: Did I just hear that right? Are we going to get Canon and CJ O'Donnell on June 19th inside the Louisiana State Pen?
Hood: I mean, I think so. They certainly flirted with it...but I'm not sure they consummated anything
Smith: That would be a HELL of a match
Hood: Fuck yea...a ladder match, as well. Cool shit
Smith: Indeed...well folks, let's head backstage!
~The scene opens up backstage at the OCW Arena where the 5'9", 200 pound, emoholic newcomer known as PKA stands in front of a brick wall in the hallway. His shaggy, black and red hair is covered by a black hat as he looks down at the floor. He looks up at the camera and speaks.~
PKA: My name is Patrick Kay Anthony, but you'd know me better as "Grade A" P.. K.. A..
~He smiles and raises an eyebrow for a moment. PKA then crosses his arms over his black t-shirt and continues.
PKA: Tonight, I make my debut in OCW by taking on Curt Canon. Some of you may know me as a hardcore competitor, and others may know me as a pure-style perfectionist. Basically, I can do both. I can brawl with the best of them. I can endure and dish out pain with the best of them. And most of all, I can out-wrestle most of them. Well, maybe. Look, let's be honest. I haven't done this in some time. And quite frankly, if I may be frank with you? I'm depressed without this. I need this in my life. OCW is my new home, and I'm ready to go out there and have a great match with Curt Canon, and if I'm good enough, maybe I'll even win said match. But there's this that's for sure - I'm damn glad to be here. Curt Canon, Double C, prepare for a Grade A ass kicking thanks to your ol' pal P.. K.. A..
~Once again, he smiles. He puts his arms out in a crucifix, leaning his head back down, staring at the floor, and the scene fades back to the announce table~
Smith: PKA looks ready for his OCW debut!
Hood: No shit…Canon’s got to do this WITHOUT Scott Syren
Smith: Every bird has to leave the next at some point
Hood: If he were to lose tonight…how much would that tarnish his legacy? Immediately removal from the Hal of Fame?
Smith: No way! Canon will always be a legend…I admire his willingness to go out there and further define his career and achievements. It takes guts to not sit back and rest on your laurels.
Hood: What good are laurels if you can’t rest on them?
Smith: Whatever…folks, PKA takes on Curt Canon next!
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall!!
~Suddenly "Sleepyhead" by Passion Pit hits the PA System and out from the curtain emerges the Ultraviolent Perfectionist - "Grade A" PKA, dressed in all black. A black vest over a shirtless top accompanied by black shorts, boots, and wrist bands. He snarls as he confidently walks down the aisle and slides into the ring. PKA climbs up the turnbuckle and puts his arms out in a crucifix as the fans watch his every move. The camera focuses in on his black hair, his face, his black eyeliner, the intensity in PKA's eyes. He hops off the turnbuckle and he hits the opposite corner to do another pose, arms out in a crucifix. After soaking in the fans' reaction, he hops off the turnbuckle and his music fades out~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Wichita, Kansas…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 200lbs…PKA!!!
~The sound of a monkey SCREAMING fills the arena. Fans cheer and cover their ears at the same time. Checkers leaps out from behind the curtain. He dances around for a second before throwing both hands toward the corner…Curt Canon pops out with a big smile on his face. He holds his hand out at waist height…Checkers jumps up and kicks it with his feet. Checkers climbs up Canon’s body and hangs out on his shoulder. Canon marches toward the ring. We get a dueling “Canon!” and “Checkers!” chant. Canon reaches the ring and orders Checkers to scurry off. Checkers hops onto the barricade and finds some fans enjoying popcorn. He takes a seat with them and grabs a hand…paw? Full of the salty treat. Canon slides into the ring and pops to his feet, ready for action~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…from Tafton, Pennsylvania…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 165lbs…he is a former OCW Champion and an OCW Hall of Famer…. Curt Canon!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Interesting match up here…PKA signed with OCW nearly a month ago and is finally ready to compete
Hood: For a guy with three letters in his name he sure did take his sweet time getting into the ring
Smith: In his debut he’s facing an OCW Hall of Famer…it doesn’t get any tougher than this.
Hood: Sure it could…he could be facing all the OCW Hall of Famers at once
Smith: Well, yea…that would be tougher, sure.
~Canon seems excited to be competing. He looks out into the crowd and waves. They wave back and chant “CURT!” He kind of stumbles backward due to the velocity of the chant. But he’s appreciative. While stumbling back he turns into PKA. Canon turns around with his fist up. PKA is standing, calmly. PKA extends his hand. Curt smiles, lowers his fist and shakes PKA’s hand. The crowd claps. The two men begin to circle one another~
Smith: PKA may be new to OCW but he’s been in this game a long time…about as long as Curt.
Hood: Ah, another veteran who remembers the good old days of professional wrestling…back when women came out here in underwear and watched.
Smith: Those were terrible days. Times have changed for the better
Hood: I guess you think if you keep saying that you might one day believe it
~Canon and PKA lock up. PKA backs Canon into a corner. Scruff forces a break. It’s clean. PKA backs up. Canon runs his hands through his hair…a bit surprised by the strength of PKA. He rushes out of the corner and locks back up with PKA trying to use his running head start to overcome PKA’s strength. PKA, however, simply turns it around on Canon, flipping their positions one hundred eighty degrees and backing him into the opposite corner. Again, Scruff asks for a break…PKA provides a clean break. Canon remains in the corner, evaluating his strategy~
Smith: Curt’s never been the biggest
Hood: OR the brightest
Smith: That’s a bit uncalled for
Hood: Not really…the guy doesn’t even read contracts offered to him by THIS company…how dumb can you be?
Smith: No comment
~Canon shrugs as if to say ‘fuck it’ and he charges back in, locking up with PKA for a third time. PKA backs Canon into the corner again…this time, Canon jumps up before his back reaches the buckles and he walks up the buckles. He reaches the top and flips over PKA. PKA releases the hold…Canon lands on his feet behind PKA and runs into the ropes. PKA turns around…Canon bounces off…PKA throws a clothesline…Canon ducks and hits the ropes…PKA throws a spinning heel kick…Canon ducks again and hits the ropes a third time…PKA jumps into the air and he DRILLS Canon with a dropkick!!! Canon hits the mat hard holding his jaw in pain. We hear Checkers shriek from ringside~
Smith: Curt Canon was attempting to utilize his speed and quickness but…PKA has those traits in abundance, as well
Hood: Kind of a shitty match up for ole Curt, isn’t it?
Smith: It would appear to be so…at least, thus far
Hood: That’s what you get for calling in every favor known to man to get into the OCW Hall of Fame
Smith: The man deserves his spot!
~PKA pulls Canon to his feet and tosses him into a corner. There is no doubt, by now, that Curt Canon is completely reacquainted with that part of a wrestling ring. PKA drills Canon with a forearm uppercut. Canon’s legs fly in the air…they come back down. PKA hits him harder…this time Canon flips over the ropes, landing on the apron. He nearly falls off but his right hand is holding onto the top rope. PKA runs across the ring…he hits the ropes…he charges in…Canon kicks his legs out and pulls down on the bottom rope with that one arm…PKA flips over the top rope and lands rough on the outside floor~
Smith: It seems the Rumble experience from last week is paying off for Curt!
Hood: PKA is a smart man, avoiding the Rumble from a week ago
Smith: You think?
Hood: Hell yea…he just got tossed over the rope in, what? 3 minutes?
Smith: You can’t count that!
~Canon looks down at PKA. PKA reaches his feet…Canon jumps from the apron and wraps his legs around PKA’s head. He tosses PKA head first into the barricade with a hurricanrana!! PKA rolls onto his back, holding his head in pain. Canon kips up to a large ovation from the crowd. He runs over and goes to high five Checkers. Checkers sticks his fist out…Canon nods and says, “My bad.” He closes his hand into a fist and bumps knuckles with his primate friend~
Smith: Curt Canon is looking strong…PKA needs desperately to get back in this
Hood: I always knew Checkers was more of a fist bump kinda guy…or well…thing
Smith: You can call Checkers a guy
Hood: I don’t really want to…maybe buddy
Smith: He’s not a buddy, guy. Maybe a friend
Hood: He sure as shit ain’t no friend of mine, buddy
Smith: This is ridiculous
~Canon turns his focus back to PKA. PKA is standing, leaning over the barricade. Canon charges at PKA. PKA turns facing Canon…he ducks his head and lifts Canon high into the air!! Canon soars over PKA and SLAPS down onto the surface outside the ring!! He arches his back in pain. Checkers screeches and covers his eyes. PKA goes back to leaning over the barricade~
Smith: A little overzealous by Mr. Canon
Hood: Yea, the guy has always been excitable
Smith: Indeed…and PKA showed the craftiness that comes with experience in this business…taking full advantage of Canon’s short sighted offense
Hood: Or he could have spotted some loose change…I think that’s what happened. He saw a quarter, bent over to pick it up and, in the process, back dropped Canon
Smith: No way
~PKA finishes catching his breath and goes after Canon. He pulls Curt to his feet and shoves him against the barricade. PKA throws his entire weight behind a knife edged chop!! Canon flips over the barricade, into the crowd!! The fans cheer and help Canon to his feet, patting him on the back. They are drunk and somewhat rough…not doing the Hall of Famer any favors. PKA waves the fans off…they listen. He hooks Canon, lifts him over the barricade and drops him back into the ringside area with a suplex~
Smith: Nice offense by PKA
Hood: Those fans were about to kill Canon…PKA just saved his life
Smith: I don’t think things would have gone that far
Hood: Oh, I do…CLASSIC OCW, BABY
~PKA yanks Canon up and hurls him into the ring under the bottom rope. He hops onto the apron and scales the nearest corner. Canon reaches his feet…he turns around and eats a missile drop kick from PKA!! Canon falls back, flipping over backwards. PKA turns him over and goes for a pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Nice pin attempt by PKA but Curt Canon has survived worse!
Hood: That’s right he made it [bleep] in OCW Survivor!
Smith: SPOILERS
Hood: Oh I’m sure they bleeped it out
~PKA returns to his feet…he yanks Canon up and hooks him for a DDT. Canon fights out…he punches PKA in the side over and over. PKA’s grip weakens. Canon breaks free and runs into the ropes. He bounces off and is crushed by a lariat from PKA!! Canon slams into the mat~
Smith: Canon knows if you eat a DDT from PKA it’s probably lights out
Hood: DDT sounds like a terrible meal
Smith: Indeed
Hood: Almost as bad as whatever comes out of a box from McDonalds
~PKA turns his back to Canon. He leaps into the air with a standing moon sault…Canon gets his knees up!! PKA’s gut slams into Canon’s knees. Canon transitions smoothly into a small package…Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Kickout by PKA…it would be tough for the veteran to lose his OCW debut
Hood: No shit...especially to a man whose best friend is a monkey
Smith: Let’s be fair…Checkers has personality
Hood: Dogs have personality
~PKA and Canon are both back to their feet simultaneously. Canon lunges at PKA with a forearm strike. PKA staggers against the ropes. Canon charges in. PKA lifts him up and over the top rope…Canon lands on the apron. PKA throws a mule kick into Canon’s gut! Canon falls off the apron to the floor. PKA runs across the ring…he hits the ropes, bounces off and does a cartwheel…he then somersaults out of the cartwheel and over the top rope landing on top of Canon!! The crowd gives a strong ovation for the impressive move!! PKA is laying on top of Canon~
Smith: Wow! What tremendous athleticism shown by PKA…he calls that The Passing Grade!
Hood: Kinda sucks when you’re not only the smallest man in the match…but also the slowest
Smith: Curt Canon isn’t that slow
Hood: Yea, but the advantage he usually owns is absent against this guy
Smith: Eh, yea, I can see that
Hood: WEAK ASS BOOKING
~PKA pulls Canon up and hurls him into the ring under the bottom rope. He slides in behind Canon and goes for the quick pin. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: Wow! That was close!
Hood: Fucking Canon staying alive just like…
Smith: Enough with the Survivor references!
Hood: I was actually going for the Bee Gees there
Smith: Ohhh…I love their music
Hood: Yea, you would. A man once made love to a woman while listening to the Bee Gees. He never made love to a woman again after that.
Smith: Wow, sad…did she break his heart?
Hood: No, something about climaxing while one of the Gibb brothers hits those high notes…turns a man gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Smith: Absolutely not!
~PKA pulls Canon up and tosses him into a corner. He pummels Canon with several forearm strikes. Canon is sulking in the corner, about to fall. PKA hooks Canon’s head, preparing for a DDT. He drags Canon into the middle of the ring~
Smith: This means PKA is looking for P-Krusher or P-Krusher IV!
Hood: Either way, Canon is getting crushed…am I right?!
Smith: The name would certainly indicate that destination
Hood: Man I’m fucking excellent at my job
~Canon’s veteran instincts come into a play for a second time. He flights like hell to break free. He jumps with his legs and flips over. However, PKA has him caught in a Razor’s Edge position. Canon continues to wiggle…he rotates over and lands on his feet. He hooks PKA’s head on the way down and then spins to the ground dropping him with the Canon Cutter(Cross Rhodes)!!! PKA flips onto his back as Canon makes the cover~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…….CURT CANON!!!!!
Smith: He did it!! The OCW Hall of Famer is victorious in his OCW Singles return against a very game, veteran by the name of PKA
Hood: Feels like PKA dominated most of that match
Smith: He had a great opportunity to win it…however the quick, crafty Canon managed to find a way to hit the famed Canon Cutter and emerge victorious.
Hood: Gotta put the little fucker down when you have the chance. Now PKA is 0-1 in his OCW career.
Smith: He’ll be fine…PKA has loads of talent and I’m sure just needs to get acclimated to OCW
Hood: No shame in losing to a Hall of Famer…even if he’s like that nerdy fraternity pledge whose older brother was the coolest member in history.
Smith: Uh, sure…I like to look at it as Canon earned the spot
Hood: And some people believe in the existence of unicorns
Smith: Hardly the same thing…anyway folks, a great match with two hungry competitors. Canon wins and moves up while PKA still looks to gain solid footing in OCW. Let’s head backstage before our next contest begins.
~We cut backstage to see Matt Meyhu arrogantly strolling through the OCW Arena halls. He spots Puffer, recovering from the beating he took at the hands of Rick Mad. He points at Puffer and laughs~
Matt Meyhu: Nice effort out there, Jack!
~Puffer lowers his head in shame. Meyhu continues his confident walk with his tag title over his shoulder and the Savage belt around his waist. He stops in his tracks confused as the lights starts to flicker~
Matt Meyhu: What the…
~A person in a black hoodie suddenly rushes up to Meyhu. Matt takes a defensive stance but instead of attacking, the person rushes past Meyhu~
Matt Meyhu: That was weird. Oh well!
~Shrugging, Matt continues on his way but is stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Frustrated, The Marvel turns around only to have a bunch of glitter and confetti thrown in his face. The hooded figure runs away as Meyhu swears and tries to clear away the glitter bomb. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Someone just Glitter Bombed Matt Meyhu!
Hood: Oh dear GEEZUS
Smith: What?
Hood: I’ve got a very bad feeling about this…I’ve heard of this glitter bombing shit before.
Smith: You…you don’t think?
Hood: I HOPE not
Smith: That would be amazing!
Hood: Just…just roll on with the show…I can’t even FATHOM that scenario
Smith: I’m so excited! She’s the best! Okay, okay…need to calm down. We’ve still got some matches to call…let’s head down to ringside!
Iggy Hardy (9-3) vs. “Professor” Bradley Carrington (3-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall and the winner will receive a shot at the Paradigm Championship on June 19th!
~Bradley Carrington steps onto the stage, wearing a grey t shirt that says "Carrington" in red letters on it, the 'C' has a graduate cap over it. He is reading a copy of his book: "Being the Best at Everything, the Bradley Carrington Story". He pauses, as if he is moved by his own writing, before closing the book and walking towards the ring. As he approaches the ring, he picks a fan in the front row, signs the book, and hands it to them. He jumps onto the ring apron, climbs in between the ropes, and poses for photos from his adoring fan (his wife Autumn). He removes his t shirt and waits for the match to begin~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Ithaca, New York…standing six feet tall and weighing in at 205lbs…”Professor” Bradley Carrington!!!
~MOTHER FUCKING INTENSITY!!! Blasts through the arena!! Iggy Hardy SPRINTS from behind the curtain as ‘Top of the World’ by Van Halen plays…he jumps down the ramp and tumbles toward the ring like a giant ball…he reaches the ringside area and springs off his feet onto the apron. He glares at Bradley. His face relaxes. He calmly steps through the ropes and waves at some fans~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Hawk’s Bluff, North Carolina…standing 6’1 and weighing in at 230lbs…Iggy Hardy!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Some people were curious as to why Carrington received this opportunity after his performance last week.
Hood: Morons, maybe.
Smith: Well, Bradley Carrington was newcomer of the month for April and is a talent OCW officials are extremely high on.
Hood: I wouldn’t say high around a normal Iggy…might get him all intense.
Smith: Point taken.
~Carrington looks into the crowd. His book is being passed around from fan to fan. He shakes his head and hops through the ropes. He heads toward the barricade and snatches the book. Iggy watches from inside the ring, casually. Autumn tries to calm Carrington down but he’s irate over the fan’s lack of decorum. He slides into the ring with the book in his hand. He looks down at it and then at a curious Iggy. Iggy’s normal sized eyes stare at Carrington in wonder. Carrington looks down at Autumn she shakes her head ‘no’. Carrington looks down at his book and then back at Iggy~
Smith: What’s he going to do?
Hood: I think he wants to inject Iggy with something other than roids and heroin
Smith: Huh?
Hood: You know, give the guy a dose of intellect.
Smith: If that’s the case I’d recommend something better than his autobiography
~A few of the fans are heard yelling “Don’t do it…it’s a TRAP!” Carrington, however, is so confident in his writing abilities and his story that he feels it will truly bring a level of intelligence to Iggy that he’s yet to reach. Carrington approaches Iggy. Like a curious animal, Iggy looks Carrington up and down…he tilts his head. Carrington extends his arm, book in hand. Iggy takes the book and looks it over. The crowd has an ‘oh shit’ vibe running through them. Carrington smiles and extends his arms~
Smith: Is Iggy taking to the book?
Hood: He might be…Carrington maybe the first professor to ever get through to Iggy Hardy!
Smith: Is he really a professor?
Hood: OF COURSE he is…he’s taught at Harvard AND Yale…and Stanford…but we don’t really talk about that excursion. It was stricken from the final draft of his book.
~Carrington turns his back to Iggy. Iggy’s body begins to shake. The book in his hand starts to shake. Iggy reaches out and twirls Carrington around. Carrington’s face drops…he has a look of surprise. Iggy holds the book into the air and yells, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!” Iggy’s eyes double in size, his veins bulge…saliva pours from his mouth. He throws the book into the upper deck of the crowd, way, way high. He then lunges at Carrington and drops him with a shoulder tackle!! Carrington hits hard…he returns to his feet…Iggy sprints into the ropes…he bounces off and flies across the ring with another shoulder tackle. The impact sends Carrington falling through the ropes and to the floor. He lands harshly. Autumn runs over to check on her delusional husband~
Smith: I guess Iggy Hardy wasn’t a fan of the subject matter
Hood: That or the mother fucker can’t read and got insulted
Smith: I’m pretty sure Iggy can read
Hood: I’m kinda sure he can’t…you’d think a guy who could read might have perused an article or two about the dangers of drug use.
~Carrington sits up, rotating the afflicted shoulder. Iggy is doing laps in the ring. The fans count along with each completion. They are at “SEVEN!” Carrington points into the ring and complains. Autumn pats him on the back, assuring him that it’ll be okay. Suddenly, his book is throw from the crowd…it lands next to him. It’s been ripped up with several pages missing. Carrington picks it up and inspects the damage. His face turns red…his temper is overcoming whatever sense of equanimity he usually portrays~
Smith: Uh oh…Carrington is losing it
Hood: It’s been a rough week…first he loses that Battle Royal and then he gets voted out on Survivor.
Smith: A man can only take so much, I suppose
Hood: Ordinary men…but Bradley Carrington is no ordinary man. I’m sure he’s got a method behind this portrayed madness
~Carrington rushes into the ring. Autumn tries to stop him. He’s got the disheveled copy of his book in hand. The crowd yells “THIRTEEN!” Iggy finally stops, seeing Carrington. He’s worked up a great sweat. Iggy is still intense…he glares at Carrington. Carrington doesn’t budge…his puce face and irritated eyes tell the story of a man beyond frustrated. He takes the book and he shoves it into Iggy’s chest. Iggy ROARS and shoves Carrington!! Carrington staggers back but holds up nicely. Carrington charges forward with a shove of his own. Iggy stumbles into the ropes. He shakes and screams, “LET’S FUCKING DO THIS!!” He runs at Carrington and is met with a forearm. Iggy throws a forearm back…the two intense men trade forearm shots back and forth as the crowd goes wild~
Smith: This match has just gotten intense!
Hood: Who knew that kind of rage was inside The Professor!
Smith: Suppressed anger is the most ferocious type of rage
Hood: I can imagine…dealing with classrooms filled with those bratty ass kids all your life. No wonder the guy wrestles!
~Carrington does his best but he’s no match for the supernatural force that is Mr. Pectacular. Iggy sends Carrington reeling with a series of forearms which move so fast you can hardly see each one individually. Carrington falters into the ropes. Iggy sprints across the ring…he hits the ropes, bounces off and jumps from the middle of the ring, through the air with a spear…he spears Carrington through the midsection. The move sends both men fly through the ropes, slamming into the barricade. The crowd goes wild as Iggy is on top of Carrington, wedged into the bottom of the barricade~
Smith: Iggy Hardy is the craziest wrestler we’ve ever had…
Hood: You’ve just now figured that out
Smith: To be fair, we’ve had our share of crazy wrestlers
Hood: Kinda makes you cringe when you think that guy Chris referred to himself as Crazy
Smith: No comment!
~Carrington comes to first, surprisingly. Iggy’s gigantic, roided arm and shoulder are draped over his chest. Carrington exerts a bit of energy creating enough space to wiggle free. He gets to his feet and instantly doubles over…his abdomen cramps with pain. He breathes in, squelching the pain. Iggy, meanwhile, still hasn’t moved. Carrington grabs Iggy by the left arm and tries to lift him…but he’s dead weight. Carrington stops struggling with Iggy’s body. He hears Scruff yell out “ONE!” He contemplates the situation and rolls into the ring. The fans boo as Carrington points toward his head. He relaxes into a corner anticipating a count out victory~
Smith: It seems as though Iggy Hardy has knocked himself out
Hood: Sweet! Bradley Carrington the new #1 Contender for the Paradigm Championship!
Smith: Kind of a cheap win, if you ask me
Hood: It’s not his fault Iggy is a lunatic. Besides, Carrington absorbed the fucking move and he’s up before Iggy…that makes him twice the man Iggy is
~Scruff yells “SEVEN!” The fans grow anxious. Carrington looks down at Autumn and begins discussing how good the Paradigm Championship will look around his waist. Scruff yells “EIGHT!” Some buxom female at ringside climbs over the barricade. Security can’t get to her in time. She crawls near Iggy’s face and rubs her gigantic breasts into his face. The hair on the back of his neck stands up. Scruff yells “NINE!” Iggy SHOOTS to his feet…he does a back flip and lands on the apron. He flies through the ropes right before ten. Security forces the woman back into the crowd. Carrington hasn’t noticed, he’s too busy discussing his future championship with Autumn who, by the way, is attempting to point out the gigantic, INTENSE individual standing across the ring~
Smith: Alright!
Hood: Seriously? Some woman just throws her fat tits in a guy’s face and that’s okay with you?
Smith: The fan might have been a tad overzealous but you have to admire the enthusiasm these people have for Iggy Hardy!
Hood: No, no I don’t.
~Iggy ROARS and sprints for Carrington. Autumn jumps up and down trying to break Carrington’s delusion. Iggy LEAPS into the air and SQUASHES Carrington into the corner with a huge splash!! Autumn buries her face in her hands. Iggy sprints around the ring. Carrington stumbles around…Iggy charges forward and flattens Carrington with a clothesline!! Iggy pumps his arms into the air as “IGGY” chants fill the arena~
Smith: He’s full on intense now…the man was one move away from winning the Rumble last week
Hood: Don’t remind me…OCW was THAT close to shutting down
Smith: I disagree…an Iggy Hardy OCW Title reign would be good for business, I think
Hood: He’d be the second worst OCW Champion in history…right behind that crazy bird lady
Smith: YOU TAKE THAT BACK
~Iggy pulls Carrington up and throws a HUGE right hand. Carrington flies over the top rope and lands on the outside floor. Iggy sprints across the ring…he hits the ropes and charges toward the ropes nearest Carrington. He SKIES over them with a suicide dive OVER the top rope. He nearly clears Carrington…however, his knees smash Carrington in the face as Iggy’s upper body crashes through the barricade. His face is buried into that woman’s massive cleavage~
Smith: Iggy wrestling like a cruiserweight tonight
Hood: Treat Cassidy has been supplying him with the good shit lately. It appears to be paying off!
Smith: You can’t see action like this anywhere else…I know that!
Hood: Yep, because we’re so badass we don’t even PISS test our athletes
Smith: Nonsense…I saw Tony the Spider handing over a urine sample earlier this afternoon
Hood: I bet his piss is so weak it doesn’t even register.
~Again, Carrington is able to get to his feet before Iggy. These high risk maneuvers seem to be a type of kryptonite for Iggy. Carrington stands and staggers against the ring apron. The buxom female looks down at Iggy’s face. It’s still buried deep in her chest. It starts to shake…her tits ripple from the vibrations. Iggy’s legs kick…he’s getting intense. The woman raises her arms and yells with pleasure. Iggy pulls his face out of her chest and flips her over…face down, ass up. The fans are cheering him on. Carrington squints and then rolls his eyes…he turns his back to the ‘action’~
Smith: What is he doing?
Hood: You really need to get out more, Smith
Smith: Okay, I guess that question was rhetorical but, seriously…during a match?
Hood: Hey man…you never know when a bitch is gonna fall into your lap. Gotta take advantage
~OCW Security rushes over to keep Iggy from going FULL FORCE on this woman in front of a live audience. He fights through them…the woman is dragged away. Iggy throws his arms into the air in a RAGE. Five security members fly into the barricade. Iggy sprints toward the steps…he does a handspring over the steps and a three sixty flip in the air, landing back on his feet. He slides into the ring and pops up, staring over at Carrington. Carrington looks around like “what the fuck is this?”~
Smith: I’ve heard rumors Iggy has been dabbling in crack
Hood: Sweet
Smith: That is not ‘sweet’. It is deplorable and probably a sign that Iggy is losing control
Hood: Iggy never HAD control, man
~Iggy charges at Carrington…Carrington ducks a clothesline and hooks Iggy around the waist. He tosses Iggy over his head with a Release German Suplex! Iggy lands on his feet and ROARS! Carrington stands. He turns around expecting to see a folded up Iggy Hardy…instead he is greeted with a running boot to the face!! Carrington falls to the mat holding his mouth~
Smith: I’m not sure anybody can beat Iggy Hardy when he’s in this state…Meyhu only won last week because Iggy flipped over the top rope
Hood: If anybody can find a way it’s The Professor!
Smith: The self-proclaimed Professor of Pain…he doesn’t seem to be teaching Iggy anything tonight
Hood: There’s still time, Smith. This might be one of those three hour class sessions.
Smith: Those were the worst
Hood: A-fucking-men
~Iggy grabs Carrington by the legs. Carrington tries to crawl for the ropes…he grabs the bottom rope. Iggy yanks him away from the ropes and locks in him the wheel barrow position. Carrington tries crawling away with his hands but is unable. Iggy’s wide eyes look around the arena. Cocaine residue has somehow appeared around his nose. Perhaps there was some contained within that female’s breasts. Iggy tosses Carrington into the air…he catches Carrington on the way down and slams him into the mat with a Full Nelson Slam!!! Iggy places his foot on Carrington’s chest and flexes his biceps while Scruff counts~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!!
Smith: Bradley Carrington escaped defeat…narrowly
Hood: I think that woman had drugs in her tits
Smith: Wow, never thought I’d hear that phrase during an OCW broadcast
Hood: Given what we’ve seen throughout the years…why should that be surprising?
Smith: Excellent point
~Iggy springs around the ring…he does karate kicks to each top turnbuckle that he runs by. Carrington returns to his feet…he leans against the ropes. Iggy charges in and clotheslines Carrington over the top rope and to the outside!! Carrington hits hard. Iggy goes over as well…he lands on his feet and stomps on Carrington~
Smith: This has been all Iggy Hardy for quite some time now
Hood: No shit, Bradley Carrington might become Brad Carrington if this goes on much longer
Smith: How so?
Hood: Iggy might beat the L-e-y off his name
~Iggy pulls Carrington to his feet…he whips him toward the steel steps. Carrington turns into the steps…his knees bang into the side causing his body to flip over to the other side. Iggy runs over there and hurdles the steps in one stride. When he lands he comes face to face with Autumn~
Smith: Uh oh
Hood: Is Iggy going to fulfill his promise?
Smith: I hope not!
~Iggy, like a wild animal observing its prey, looks down at Autumn, curiously. Autumn is nervous. She reaches into her back pocket and pulls out the Iggy Hardy hand puppet that was made famous by Bradley and Cher’s youtube video! Iggy squints and leans in…Autumn improvises. She makes the puppet rub its nose. Iggy mimics the action~
Smith: What is going on here?
Hood: It’s like looking in the mirror
Smith: Hardly…that puppet is very slipshod
Hood: I’ll slip your shod!
Smith: Right
~Autumn makes the puppet scratch its groin. Iggy does that as well. Autumn then makes the puppet punch itself! Iggy drills himself in the chin with a right hand! He wobbles near the barricade. Autumn hustles over to stay in front of Iggy…she gives the doll a left hand this time. Iggy drills himself in the face with his left fist! He staggers into the ring apron…his knees are shaking. Carrington appears into view…he pushes Autumn, gently, out of the way saying “I got this!”~
Smith: It’s like an Iggy Hardy voodoo doll
Hood: Fuck, those things exist?
Smith: In this match, apparently they do
Hood: Bradley Carrington is a genius…that or his sister is some kind of witch
~Carrington rolls Iggy into the ring. Iggy stumbles to his feet. Carrington slides in and runs into the ropes, he bounces off and dropkicks Iggy in the knees! Iggy falls to his knees. Carrington then grabs Iggy by the back of the head and locks in the Cornell Clutch!!! Iggy swings his arms around, trying to break free. Carrington has it locked in deep. Scruff asks Iggy if he wants to give up, Iggy shakes his head ‘no’ but he’s fading~
Smith: The Cornell Clutch!! If Iggy doesn’t get out of this soon he’ll have no choice…he’ll be forced to tap!
Hood: He could pass out
Smith: But is that something a person really wants…to pass out due to a lack of oxygen? That’s, you know, kind of dangerous
Hood: I’m not sure Iggy is concerned with taking care of his body, to be honest
Smith: True
~Scruff grabs Iggy’s arm…he drops it. He yells “ONE!” Iggy is lifeless. He picks it up again and lets it drop…”TWO!” He grabs it a third time…Carrington is really forcing the pressure. Iggy’s hand doesn’t hit the mat…instead it gets INTENSE. He gets to his knees. Carrington looks around, nervously. Iggy begins to power to his feet as Carrington is about to be lifted in the air~
Smith: Iggy’s getting intense! He’s going to power out of this!
Hood: No fucking way…
Smith: We’ve seen it before…someone power bombing their way OUT of a triangle choke
Hood: Yea but not to someone the size of Carrington…fucking Iggy is a superhero!
~Iggy lifts Carrington all the way into the air. Iggy ROARS! Carrington reaches down and jams his thumb into Iggy’s eyes!! Iggy staggers…Carrington rakes at Iggy’s face! Iggy falls to his knees…Carrington continues to hold onto the Cornell Clutch. The fans grow quiet. Iggy’s intensity is fading. Scruff comes in and picks up his arm. He lets it drop…”ONE!”~
Smith: What a smart…albeit illegal move from Carrington
Hood: Hey, nothing is illegal in an Iggy Hardy match
Smith: Hard to argue that point
~Iggy’s hand drops a second time. “TWO!” Scruff grabs it once more. Carrington cringes as thick, white cocaine filled saliva oozes out of Iggy’s mouth…it looks like icing. Carrington yells “HURRY IT UP” Scruff drops Iggy’s arm…he tries to fight but hits the mat. Scruff calls for the bell. The crowd boos~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…and the #1 Contender for the Paradigm Championship…”PROFESSOR” BRADLEY CARRINGTON!!!!!
Smith: Wow…I’m stunned
Hood: I guess even Iggy can only hold his breath for so long
Smith: Indeed
~Carrington immediately releases the hold. He pops to his feet and throws his arms into the air. Autumn claps from ringside. The fans boo and chant “YOUR BOOK SUCKS!” Carrington can’t hear them or probably just chooses to ignore them. The big breasted woman somehow finds her way into the ring. OCW Security is really sucking. She crawls over Iggy. He starts to shake. Carrington turns around and notices the man is getting INTENSE~
Smith: Uh oh…the match may be over but that doesn’t mean Iggy won’t pummel Carrington!
Hood: Get out of there Professor!
~Carrington flies through the ropes and hustles up the ramp with Autumn. They vanish behind the curtain. Iggy kips up and grabs the woman. He hoists her over his shoulder and somehow jumps, flat footed, onto the top buckle. He sets the woman down and says “PLAY MY FUCKING MUSIC!” “Top of the World” by Van Halen hits…Iggy and the woman with gigantic tits bump and grind on top of the corner. The fans cheer and go wild~
Smith: The loss doesn’t seem to be bothering Iggy all that much
Hood: The man’s got a hotel room full of drugs…a pair of giant tits to slap around…why would he be upset?
Smith: To each his own, I suppose. Well, Bradley Carrington will receive a Paradigm Title shot…I have a feeling it will take place on June 19th.
Hood: A big match on a big show…The Professor has arrived!
Smith: Indeed…well folks, let’s head backstage!
~We cut to the parking lot. Marcus Welsh is standing outside the detached building where Plethora is being held captive. He’s speaking with Barry Man is Low~
Marcus Welsh: Funny how that robed freak has been cooped up all night and not one woman has been attacked…isn’t it?
Barry Man is Low: Could it be magic?
Marcus Welsh: I don’t know, Barry. But I’d like to have a word with the delinquent before he’s apprehended. Plus, Julliet Brooks is slated to be here any minute now.
~Barry unlocks the door and permits entry for the OCW GM. Welsh steps into the small building which contains tools, utensils…everything needed to maintain the arena's condition both inside and out. Plethora is seated in the corner, chained to a table that is bolted into the building. We THINK he’s looking at Welsh but can’t be sure. The mask of his face is totally black. Welsh pulls up a chair, sliding it a safe distance from Plethora. He reaches into a bowl nearby filled with cheap suckers…he pulls a red one out and unwraps the candy. He sticks it into his mouth and sucks away. His eyes widen~
Marcus Welsh: Oh? Do you want one?
~He looks into the bowl and frowns~
Marcus Welsh: I’m afraid they don’t come in your color, Plethora.
~Welsh chuckles and continues sucking on the cheap, brandless candy. He pulls it out and points it at Plethora while leaning forward~
Marcus Welsh: Did you know that not one woman has been attacked tonight? Why do you think that is, Plethora?
~Plethora doesn’t move. Welsh nods, half expecting the reaction. He leans back, re-inserting the candy~
Marcus Welsh: I have a theory. Would you like to hear it?
~Again, Plethora remains stoic. Welsh continues~
Marcus Welsh: I think you have something on Annie. I think you blackmailed her into giving you access to OCW. For some reason, Plethora, I think you’re attempting to gain power here in my company. Now, why you’re attacking women, I don’t know. To cause chaos? To create enough in-fighting that it will take all eyes off of you and who you really are? Yea, that’d be my guess. But, the game is over Plethora.
~Welsh looks over at a an old but operational television nestled atop a counter in the corner. It airs constant security footage. A limousine pulls up. Welsh removes the sucker and points at it~
Marcus Welsh: Looks like Julliet Brooks has arrived. I bet you were going to try and spoil her appearance, weren’t you?
~Plethora remains quiet. Welsh gets serious. He leans forward~
Marcus Welsh: Who are you, Plethora? Tell me now and maybe….mayyyybe we can work something out. But, I swear, if I have to rip that fucking mask off myself…you will pay.
~Plethora continues to remain still. It’s actually kind of impressive. The guy would have been extremely photogenic one hundred years ago. Welsh places the sucker into his mouth and bites down. It cracks and crumbles. He chews and swallows~
Marcus Welsh: Alright then, have it your way. Once I’m done with Julliet and she’s delivered from this arena safe and sound…I’ll be back to deal with you.
~Plethora finally moves. He flinches violently. Welsh jumps back and holds his hands up. Plethora points at the security footage. Welsh turns and spots someone attacking Julliet’s limo~
Marcus Welsh: What the…JULLIET!
~Welsh kicks the door to the building open and runs out. He sprints for the limo. The windows are busted and the back door is open. Barry Man is Low is tending to a battered Julliet Brooks. Brooks body is laying half out of the back door. Her eyes are fluttering but she’s been smashed pretty good in the head~
Marcus Welsh: Who did this? Did anybody see the attacker?
~Nobody has an answer~
Marcus Welsh: Son of a bitch! Get her to the ER right now. She’s not under OCW contract so I can’t have The Knife Man treating her. GO!
~Welsh yells at the limo driver. Barry Man is Low hops into the limo with Julliet. It drives off. Welsh heads back to the small building. He looks inside and sighs. He enters and removes a set of keys~
Marcus Welsh: Looks like I was wrong. But, you have to admit, you are really creepy. Anyway, I’m going to let you go. Don’t do anything stupid once you’re free.
~Welsh removes the cuffs. Plethora stands. He’s a good half foot taller than Welsh. He looks down at Welsh. Welsh swallows hard. Plethora turns and exits, leaving Welsh alone in the small building. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Well, Plethora is NOT the attacker and I for one feel sorry for the man having to sit in that box all night
Hood: He may not be the attacker but Welsh was onto something…that guy is doing something he shouldn’t
Smith: Well until they can figure it out and hold him for the appropriate crime they should just let him be
Hood: I guess…but fuck…Julliet Brooks…the latest victim
Smith: So disappointing….I was really looking forward to her speech tonight.
Hood: Again, this is why we can’t have nice things. The most talented female wrestler in the world decides to make an appearance on our show and gets fucked up in the parking lot.
Smith: You have to think this is the ultimate act. OCW management will stop at nothing from this point forward to reveal the attacker.
Hood: I better hope so because he’s running after women and, once he’s done with women he’s going to go after the really frail men. So, that means you’re up
Smith: Good heavens! We need to find this man instantly!
Hood: Fucking right we do
Smith: Alright well we’ve got…hold on a second…
~We see several OCW security members rushing up the ramp, toward the backstage area. Smith and Hood stand, looking that way~
Hood: The fuck is this? Is the building on fire?
Smith: I don’t smell any smoke…hold on, something is coming through my head set
Hood: It isn’t a demon spirit is it? You’re not going to be possessed because, if so, I’m getting the hell out of here!
Smith: Nothing like that! You need to lay off the paranormal movies. It’s an update that…oh my gosh, folks, I’m being told CJ O’Donnell has jumped Robbie Rayder…our cameras are sprinting back there right now to get some footage
Hood: They’d better hurry! We all know Robbie can’t take much of a beating from a man like CJ
Smith: He was caught off guard last week…CJ took advantage of a vulnerable situation…okay, here we go, folks, we’re going to…oh no!
Hood: Sweet!
~We cut backstage where Robbie Rayder is laid out on the hard, concrete floor. He’s grimacing in pain. He’s dressed to compete but obviously wasn’t ready. An arrogant CJ stands over him in jeans. He’s shirtless. He’s got his OCW Tag Title hanging from his right hand~
Smith: I’m being told CJ ran up behind Rayder and smashed that belt into the back of his head!
Hood: Good for him!
Smith: Good for him? That’s as dirty as it gets!
Hood: No, it can get dirtier, trust me
~CJ yanks Rayder to his feet by the hair. Rayder is wobbly. CJ shows him the gold plate of the OCW Tag Title and he SMASHES it into Rayder’s face!! Rayder goes limp and falls backward. CJ looks around, he sees Gruff heading over. CJ yells, “C’mon old man!”~
Hood: The fuck?
Smith: Unfortunately, fans, I’m being told that CJ got this match changed to a falls count anywhere contest so…this match has begun…
Hood: Ohhhh man, this SUPER sucks for Rayder
Smith: Indeed…the belt shot to the head is how he lost last week’s Rumble opportunity
Hood: Yep, turned his ass into a wet noodle.
”The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell (9-1) vs. Robbie ‘Aire’ Rayder (4-3)
~CJ covers Rayder as Gruff drops to his knees and makes the count~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
~The fans inside the arena erupt with cheers. CJ pops to his feet and focuses on Gruff, irate. Gruff isn’t putting up with his shit. CJ waves him off and looks down at Rayder. Rayder’s cut has been reopened. Blood has spilt out, down the side of his face. CJ smiles and grabs his OCW Tag Title~
Smith: What a terrible human being…he doesn’t even give people a fair chance
Hood: Win at all costs, Smith
Smith: Something has got to be said for winning the right way
Hood: Not in this fucking business
~Rayder fights to his feet. CJ is poised, with the OCW title in ‘strike’ position. Rayder turns around, facing CJ. CJ lunges forward…Rayder ducks the blow! CJ turns around and is struck with a thrust kick to the throat!! CJ maintains a tight grip on his belt but he staggers back. Robbie wanders away, dazed. He reaches up, examining the cut on his head. He wipes some of the blood from the side of his face. They are located in a barren area, backstage. There are some boxes and other inventoried items being shipped in and out. There is a giant, steel door that raises up for loading and unloading. Rayder heads for it…we don’t really know why, he might be concussed. He leans into it with his right arm holding him up. He stares at the concrete ground, trying to gather himself. Blood rains onto the clear, fairly new concrete surface, forever staining it with Rayder’s DNA~
Smith: That’s our shipping area…it’s where merchandise, concession items and Iggy Hardy enter and leave the arena.
Hood: Haha, nice one!
Smith: No, I’m serious…the man has to enter in and out of that giant portal
Hood: Hmm, makes sense
~Footsteps sound in the background…they are rapid and increasing in sound. A blur flies into view. CJ lunges at Rayder with the belt. Rayder moves and CJ’s body slams into the metal door! He finally drops the title. He staggers back. Rayder throws a roundhouse kick into CJ’s head!! He falls on his ass, smacking into the cement. Rayder runs and throws a soccer kick at CJ’s head. CJ ducks and kips up. Rayder turns around, quickly. He charges at CJ who turns around a little late…Rayder spears CJ into the metal door!! Both men hit hard. Rayder falls to the ground holding his head while CJ reaches for the back of his head, grimacing in pain~
Smith: Not sure if that was the smartest of moves but Rayder did what he had to
Hood: Rayder must really want to fracture his fucking skull
Smith: I don’t think the man wants that
Hood: He keeps throwing his head everywhere and, ya know, that’s a big head
~CJ gets to his feet first…not surprising when you factor in the damage done to Rayder’s head. He pulls Rayder to his feet using his hair. He whips Rayder into the door. Rayder slams into the metal. CJ goes for his belt. He picks it up and swings it at Rayder’s head…Rayder ducks. The face of the title CLANGS into the metal door! CJ turns around…Rayder kicks the belt into CJ’s face!! CJ falls into the door, dropping the belt. Rayder pulls CJ away from the door and locks him in a clench. He drives several knees into CJ’s face before throwing a kick…it smacks CJ square in the nose!! CJ falls to the side, holding his face~
Smith: Alright! Rayder finally giving CJ a dose of his own medicine
Hood: What a cheating limey! Using that belt to attack CJ
Smith: It wasn’t intentional…he threw a kick and the belt got in the way…besides, CJ has been using that belt on Rayder for two weeks straight!
Hood: That’s because he’s wary of Rayder and his tricks.
Smith: Right…whatever that means
~Rayder heads over toward some of the wooden crates. He slides in between a small space, barely able to fit. He disappears. CJ rolls onto his knees…we see blood trickling to the ground. His nose must be busted. He rises to his feet…blood is oozing out of both nostrils. He staggers around, looking for Rayder. He can’t find the high flyer. The belt remains situated near the door~
Smith: Both men are already woozy…it’s been a hard hitting affair
Hood: A hard hitting affair…is that what happens when two sadists begin a courtship?
Smith: I…I wouldn’t know
Hood: Hopefully CJ remembers his title is back there…I’d hate for Scruff to pawn that shit off
~Rayder appears atop a wooden crate. CJ’s back is to him. CJ turns around, sensing something, when he does, Rayder leaps off with a cross body! He connects!! Both men tumble into the cement. Rayder rolls around holding his knees. He manages to crawl over on top of CJ for the pin. Gruff drops down and makes the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: I’m not sure high risk maneuvers in this setting are, well, smart
Hood: More like High-LY STUPID maneuvers
Smith: In so many words, sure
Hood: Rayder’s knees go out, he’s fucking done
Smith: Indeed…those legs are what powers Aire Rayder’s engine
~Rayder limps to his feet. He stretches both legs out…the impact from the cross body was rougher than he envisioned. He pulls CJ up by the hair and tosses him at the side of a crate. CJ’s back hits hard. Rayder charges in…CJ ducks and lifts Rayder into the air…Rayder flips over and lands on top of the crate, back first! He hits with a THUD…back on wood~
Smith: Robbie Rayder may need to make an adjustment. This fast paced offense isn’t suited for a falls count anywhere match.
Hood: He should have figured that coming in!
Smith: Are you joking? CJ got this match changed at the last second
Hood: Last second? Quit being a drama queen. I’m sure this match was changed AT least ten minutes before it started.
~CJ pulls his body up on top of the crate. He pulls Rayder to a standing position and throws a punch. Rayder ducks it and knees CJ in the gut. Rayder spins and mule kicks CJ into the midsection! To our left, when facing them, is a two storied stack of crates. The two stories crates are flush against the singular crate. Rayder throws CJ head first into the second crate. He hits hard. Rayder then grabs CJ around the gut, lifts him up and drops him with a German Suplex into the top of the crate! He bridges into a pin…Gruff, on the ground, slaps the pavement~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: Shoulder up by CJ O’Donnell
Hood: Those are some big ass crates
Smith: Indeed…I’d bet five OCW wrestlers could fit up there
Hood: I wonder what’s inside them…
Smith: I couldn’t begin to tell you
Hood: You don’t think there are some eastern European hookers in there, do you?
Smith: I certainly hope not!
~Rayder hurries back to his feet. CJ rolls over, onto all fours. Rayder kicks him in the face!! CJ flips over. Blood is canvassed all over his chin and jawline. Rayder stomps on CJ’s chest. He turns his back and does a standing moon sault…it connects!! The top of the crate begins to crack. Rayder slowly reaches his feet and carefully heads toward the two crates flush against it…he lifts himself up onto the second crate~
Smith: Robbie Rayder decided to go higher instead of lower
Hood: Monkeys like to hang out in trees and he does have that primate look going
Smith: Stop it
Hood: What? Look at those ears, man!
~CJ sits up…the crate cracks even louder. He rushes to his feet and leaps at the higher crate. The top of the first crate caves in! CJ starts to pulls himself up…Rayder stomps on his fingers. CJ grabs onto Rayder’s foot with his right hand…the hand Rayder wasn’t stomping. Rayder stumbles on one leg and pulls his foot free…the space and time allows CJ and opportunity to reach the top of the second crate~
Smith: And now CJ has elevated his positioning
Hood: These geniuses do realize there’s nothing but concrete beneath them, don’t they?
Smith: Heat of the moment, Hood. It’s not like they had hours to strategize
Hood: I’m just saying…concrete and human bodies do not get along
~Rayder throws a kick at CJ…he catches it. Rayder hops around on one leg…he performs a back flip, freeing his leg from CJ’s grip. CJ lunges forward and greets Rayder, right after he lands with a Superman punch!! Rayder staggers back…there’s a stack of THREE crates flush with these two crates. His back hits into the side of the third crate~
Smith: Fortunately for Rayder there was another, higher stack behind him otherwise…
Hood: No more Robbie Rayder
Smith: We really need to get some mattresses or something placed down there…they can’t realistically survive this fall
Hood: Hey man, if they die, they die
Smith: Okay, Drago
~CJ grabs Robbie by the ears and slams the back of his head into the side of the wooden crate repeatedly. Gruff looks up…he can’t see them…he takes a few steps back and says “Dayum.” CJ relents and Rayder falls to his knees. CJ throws a knee into the side of Rayder’s head…he falls onto his back. CJ goes for a pin attempt…Gruff falls to his knees and slaps the concrete~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Great kick out by Robbie Rayder…he’s showing tremendous guts
Hood: Why is it called guts? Everybody has GUTS...not like it’s something you earn
Smith: It’s just a figure of speech, Hood
Hood: A figure of speech…like an English professor?
Smith: I’m done talking about this
~CJ gets to his feet…he looks at the concrete floor…an idea jumps into his brain. He pulls Rayder up and motions to toss him off the crate…Rayder, however, kicks his legs up, wrapping them around CJ’s head. He turns CJ around and tosses him with a hurricanrana! CJ slides across the top of the crate and reaches the edge…he frantically grabs for something to hold onto and manages to snare the edge of an elevation in wood. He hangs off the edge as Rayder slowly recovers~
Smith: If either of these competitors fall off…it’s game over
Hood: Yes, just like whenever you’d reach Mike Tyson in Punch Out
Smith: You never beat Mike Tyson?
Hood: Lay the fuck off me, okay? Very traumatic portion of my child hood
~CJ pulls himself back atop the crate before Rayder can go after him. CJ kicks Rayder in the gut and whips him toward the third story crate. Rayder leaps into the air and climbs atop the third crate. CJ looks up at Rayder who staggers forward…he then looks down at the floor. He’s at a fork in the road….Rayder looks down and yells “C’mon, CJ! Ya scared or something?”~
Smith: Does he climb up onto that third crate with Rayder?
Hood: The smart thing would be to go down, right? I mean Rayder would have to climb or jump down…shit he could even find something and chop away at those crates forcing Aire Rayder down
Smith: Indeed but CJ is impulsive…and, he doesn’t like being called scared
Hood: Fuck, yea, you’re right…he’s heading up there
~Rayder motions that he’ll give CJ the space to safely make it atop the third crate. CJ hops up. We can hear the crowd in the arena go wild. CJ reaches his feet. He throws a punch at Rayder…Rayde retaliates…the two men brawl atop that third story crate. It’s the highest point in that backstage area~
Smith: This is too stressful! I can barely take it
Hood: Oh relax…let me give you one of these pills Iggy’s dealer handed me. They are supposed to help Iggy sleep when he takes his weekly nap
Smith: I don’t want any pills!
Hood: You sure? I mean I don’t want you strokin’ out over there, pal
~Rayder throws a kick at CJ’s head…CJ ducks and lifts Rayder up from behind…Rayder flips over and lands on his feet behind CJ. CJ turns around and Rayder scoops him up, slamming him into the top of that third crate. It cracks. Rayder looks around~
Smith: Wow, that crate is weakening already
Hood: They be fucked, man
Smith: It appears at some point they are going to have to jump down…but, I guess that was always going to be the case.
Hood: Dude, you know it’s pro wrestling protocol that when you have a stack of crates the wrestlers not only have to climb them but they must fall off as well
Smith: I shall pray for their futures as in ring competitors
~Rayder pulls CJ to his feet. He knees CJ in the gut. He hooks CJ between his legs and lifts him up for a powerbomb!! The crate continues to crack…the cracks increase in sound. It’s about to give. Rayder SLAMS CJ into the top of the crate…it explodes and gives way!! Both men fall through that crate…we hear another EXPLOSION as they fall through the bottom of the third crate and the top of the second crate! We hear a pretty soft sounding thud as they land inside the second crate~
Smith: What the?
Hood: They are inside the crate…you don’t think they will be shipped off, do you?
Smith: I’m not sure if those crates are imports or exports
Hood: Probably imports
~The crate shakes and thuds. It’s apparent both men are fighting inside it. The side nearest our view shakes. Something is being rammed into it. It finally BURSTS open and CJ O’Donnell comes flying out!! He tumbles down to the ground with a bunch of Tony the Spider fanny packs spilling out. CJ, a true pro at knowing how to protect himself, manages to tuck his head and roll…however, his shoulders and back absorb a ton of the blow. He tries to get to his feet. Rayder appears through the hole looking down at CJ~
Smith: Rayder just threw him through the wall of the crate!
Hood: Fuck…you don’t mess with Rayder’s woman!
Smith: That is a fact.
Hood: No candy for CJ tonight…no Ruby’s either…where will CJ turn?
Smith: I couldn’t tell you
Hood: My bad, I forgot you haven’t been laid since FDR was in office
~CJ staggers to his feet. Rayder dives out of the busted crate with a somersault! His back lands into CJ’s chest! CJ falls over with Rayder landing on top of him. Rayder sits on CJ’s chest and grabs his right leg…Gruff makes the count~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!
Smith: NO!
Hood: CJ is an ANIMAL
Smith: I think Rayder now knows what he has to do…he needs to hit Aire Rayde…that’s what it will take to keep CJ O’Donnell down
~Rayder returns to his feet…he hustles toward the crates. CJ is on his back. Rayder hops atop the singular crate…it’s the safest place to maneuver. Once he reaches the top he spots CJ sitting up. A look of frustration comes over Rayder’s face~
Smith: He didn’t get up there quick enough to hit Aire Rayde
Hood: Nope…you can’t keep a good man down!
Smith: CJ is far from a good man
Hood: Depends upon your definition of good
Smith: My definition would mirror the actual definition
Hood: Well, okay then
~CJ stumbles toward the crate. Rayder jumps over him and lands on his feet…he quickly tucks and rolls to protect his joints from the impact. Rayder turns and runs at CJ. CJ turns and sidesteps Rayder, throwing him front first into the side of the crate!! Rayder hits hard. He turns around, holding his busted head in pain. Behind him is a splotch of blood from impact. CJ flies into view with Irish Knowledge!! He kicks Rayder right in the head and both men CRASH through the side of the crate. The crowd inside the arena goes wild over the move. A bunch of white powder blows from the crate. CJ stands and staggers around…he grabs Rayder by the arm and drags him out of the hole~
Hood: Is that cocaine?
Smith: It’s sugar, Hood. It’s a new line of Iggy Hardy sugar OCW is about to begin promoting
Hood: Interesting
Smith: That was my exact thought when I first heard about it
~CJ manages to get Rayder onto a level surface. He pins him. Gruff falls to his knees and makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings. CJ rolls off of Rayder and lays on his back. Gruff gets to his feet and retrieves CJ’s belt~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…”THE DISTINGUISHED” CJ O’DONNELL!!!!!
Smith: Ugh…sickening…it’s like an unending nightmare
Hood: CJ all the way baybay!
Smith: Right
~CJ stumbles to his feet and exits the scene. He’s too beat up and disoriented to attack Rayder. The Knife Man shuffles into view. He bends over and uses his GIANT knife to SWIPE away some of the sugar surrounding Rayder’s body~
Smith: It appears as though the OCW medical team will take a look at Robbie…he gave it a heck of an effort.
Hood: He did…I thought he was going to win, to be honest
Smith: Me too…this felt like Robbie’s night but…as always, the stupid Aptitude win again
Hood: Hey…when you’re good, you’re good. OCW doesn’t put you over just because you’re popular…you have to earn your wins.
Smith: Indeed…well folks, despite that loss it appears as though Robbie Rayder is set for bigger and better things. I think that effort showed us all he’s going to be a force in OCW…even in losing, a person can win.
Hood: I guess
~We catch CJ walking away from the carnage. He's staggering around. A smile crosses his face. It begins to settle in that he's won~
Smith: I hope he gets his
Hood: Dude, Rayder busted his fucking nose...he may have broke it...he took a fucking beating
~CJ raises his hands and yells in triumph. As he does, he gets SMACKED in the back. It's aggressive but not overly rough. CJ turns around, angry. He is DRILLED in the head by a steel chair shot from JOSIE BARNES. The crowd goes wild. Josie tosses the chair on top of CJ and walks off~
Smith: Yes! Thank you, Josie! She trained with Robbie so that match was obviously close to her heart
Hood: Dude, I always heard having siblings was great...after seeing Josie and CJ's relationship, I can honestly say I am glad I was an only child.
Smith: That is a highly dysfunctional situation...not the norm
Hood: I disagree...but, man, what's wrong with Josie? After everything CJ has done for her
Smith: He hasn't done a thing for her. She's finally waking up and learning the evils that reside within this business...good for her!
Hood: Blah
Smith: It will be interesting to see how she does in tonight's main event. Anyway, let’s head to some footage from earlier on this evening concerning our next big event on June 19th!
~We cut to earlier in the day. Marcus Welsh is in the OCW newsroom. Next to him is the Eastern European, seated. A giant board is set up behind Welsh with the images of Meyhu and TIO at the top. In front of Welsh sit a few low level news reporters along with some really scary looking people~
Marcus Welsh: I want to thank you all for coming. I’d especially like to thank our sponsors for the upcoming event. Fred’s Pawn Shop…
~A scary looking man nods~
Marcus Welsh: Gerald’s Cash for Title…
~A man flashes a dirty smile, his gold tooth reflects a beam of light~
Marcus Welsh: And, of course, how could I forget Bernard’s Barely Legal Cabaret
~A creepy man rubs his inner thigh wile placing his free arm around a ‘hopefully’ barely legal girl~
Marcus Welsh: I’d like to thank you all for agreeing to sponsor what is sure to be a historical event.
~Welsh looks out at the reporters. It’s obvious that low level news outlets have come out in force. The major media are represented by what appears to be interns. Welsh continues to hide his embarrassment~
Marcus Welsh: And, as always, I’d like to thank the media for coming out today as well. So, let’s get down to business. On Monday, June 19th OCW will hold its second Super Show of 2017. This event will be held from the legendary Louisiana State Penitentiary in honor of ‘Dirty’ Devin McKnight.
~The name of the honoree nearly sticks in Welsh’s throat. He forces it out, however and quickly moves on in the hopes people will forget it~
Marcus Welsh: Despite the unique circumstances surrounding this event we at OCW feel this is an opportunity to break new ground. An opportunity to provide a show the likes of which no wrestling fan has ever experienced. So, without further ado I’d like to present the logo for the upcoming event…
~The room applauds the cool image. A few of the sponsors yell out ‘FAWK YEA’. Welsh nods~
Marcus Welsh: I’d like to thank Eyan, our graphics expert down in that sweaty third world country for his efforts. Yes, Stainless Steel Ride is the name. An event so volatile the only location strong enough to hold it is the Louisiana State Penitentiary. The event will be headlined by one of the biggest matches in OCW history as The Incredible One and Matt Meyhu do battle for the OCW Title in an Escape the Prison Match.
~The room goes “ooohhh”~
Marcus Welsh: Yep…the first man to escape the prison wins. There will also be a Paradigm and Savage Championship match. The winner of Bradley Carrington and Iggy Hardy will comprise one half of the Paradigm match. We will decide in the coming weeks who make up the rest of those two matches.
~The room is agreeable~
Marcus Welsh: In addition to that, Julliet Brooks will be making her OCW in ring debut in a one-time appearance against an opponent to be named in the coming weeks.
~The room nods with Bernard saying “I bet she’s hawt”~
Marcus Welsh: As always, this event will feature an Oh Shit Contract Match. The Aptitude will also be defending their tag titles. The Tokyo Knives, 8 Legged Freaks, and The Dravers Boys are all being closely considered as potential adversaries.
~It feels like the room is pulling for 8 Legged Freaks~
Marcus Welsh: We’re also working on a match for CJ O’Donnell to face an OCW Hall of Famer. Details on that should start to emerge soon. And, finally, Max Shade will hopefully defend his OCW Ascension Championship against Damian K’.
~The room seems confused at the word ‘hopefully’~
Marcus Welsh: Max has been dealing with personal issues. We have reached out to his team hoping for a response. If we don’t get one soon there will be a match on May 22nd for an Interim OCW Ascension Championship. The winner of that will face Damian K’ at Stainless Steel Ride IF Shade’s absence lasts that long.
~The room seems cool with this~
Marcus Welsh: So there you have it…an event pitched and put together by my colleague, the creative Eastern European. So, if it all goes to shit, we know who to blame.
~Everyone laughs aside from Welsh. The man wasn't joking~
Marcus Welsh: Stainless Steel Ride…prison slang for lethal injection. We hope you all can be there for this event. That’s all I’ve got at this time…hope you enjoy Massacre later this evening.
~The room is content. We fade out~
Smith: Wow! Stainless Steel Ride…that’s an interesting name.
Hood: Gotta hand it to Welsh…making lemonade out of limes!
Smith: Lemons, Hood
Hood: Nah, given these circumstances, that’d be too fucking easy
Smith: Regardless…we are heading down to Louisiana in a little over a month’s time to call an event set inside a dangerous prison. It should be, well…
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
Smith: Indeed…anyway, it’s main event time….so let’s head down to ringside!
Jade Spritz/Talia Areano/The Incredible One vs. Annie Alvarez/Josie Barnes/Shawn Rossdale
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for our Main Event of the Evening!! This is a Process of Elimination Match…the match will begin as a six person tag…the winning team will then go straight into a triple threat match. The person who scores the first pinfall or submission in that triple threat format will be the winner!
~”Taking Over Me” by Evanescence begins to play. OCW newcomer Talia Areano emerges from behind the curtain. The crowd gives Areano a nice ovation as she smiles with appreciation. She reaches the ring, walks up the steps and enters through the ropes ready for competition~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Buenos Aires, Argentina by way of Mexico City…standing 5’6 and weighing in at 125lbs…Talia Areano!!!
~”Lola Montez” by Volbeat hits. The fans turn toward the entrance. The men get on their feet and watch with hungry eyes. Jade Spritz, OCW’s senior seductress, steps through the curtain and saunters her way down to ringside. She’s got a sly smile on her face. She eyes both women and men. She reaches the ring and heads up the steps….she steps through the ropes and approaches Areano. She gently rubs Areano on the shoulder and smiles. Areano politely smiles back before placing a bit more distance between the two~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Los Angeles, California…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 170lbs…Jade Spritz!!!
~The heavy drums of "Honor Thy Father" beat throughout the arena followed by the distorted guitar riffs as The Incredible One steps out from the behind the curtain to a chorus of boos. He smirks, before walking down the ramp yelling at the fans in attendance, and flipping off every single child he sees. He stops at the bottom of the ramp, examining the ring and the local crowd before quickly rolling into the ring and going to the top of a turnbuckle, proclaiming himself to be the greatest wrestler alive. He gets down and impatiently paces around the ring as his music fades out~
Belvedere: And their partner…from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 235lbs…he is the OCW Paradigm Champion…The Incredible One!!!
~”Girl All The Bad Guys Want” by Bowling for Soup hits…Annie Alvarez emerges with PLETHORA THE PERILOUS at her side. He’s got a bottle of Fiji Water in his hand. Annie takes it and downs a sip. She hands it back to Plethora. His shoulders dip, slightly as he follows Annie down the ramp. Annie’s booty shorts are on point this evening…she’s looking as slut…errr perky as ever! Annie hops onto the apron and enters through the ropes. Plethora takes a stand near the corner. He looks over at TIO…we sense major disdain from Plethora~
Belvedere: And their opponents…introducing first, from Hollywood, California…standing 5’5 and weighing in at 125lbs…Annie Alvarez!!!
~”The Fighter” by In This Moment hits…the crowd jumps to their feet in admiration and appreciation for one of OCW’s fastest rising stars, Josie Barnes. She emerges from behind the curtain, smiling. She hustles down the ramp way and slides into the ring. She goes straight up to Annie…she tries to squash whatever lingering issues they may have from their match up a few weeks earlier. Annie ignores her and says, “Just stay out of my way during the tag match.” Josie shrugs and replies, “Whatever.”~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Lilly, Georgia…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 118lbs…Josie Barnes!!!
~The lights go really bright, almost to the point where you think they might blow, but then they slowly dim. It goes black briefly for about 3 seconds then a light green fog settles around the entrance area. Then "Inside Us All" by Creed hits with the picking going on. Shawn Rossdale appears after a couple seconds. He stands at the top, with his hands on his hips, then points to everyone in the crowd in a roundabout way. Then points to the ring and power walks his way down the ramp slapping hands with whoever he can on the way down. Once he gets to the ring he hops up and jumps over the top rope. He jumps again with his hands out and when he lands in a wide stance pyro go off of green and white just as "is it really worth it all" lyrics hit for the first time in the song. He then smiles and points to various people in the crowd, smiling and winking~
Belvedere: And their tag team partner…from Primrose Hill, London, England…standing 6’1 and weighing in at 205lbs…”The Icon” Shawn Rossdale!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Our third Process of Elimination Match…Iggy Hardy and CJ O’Donnell await the winner.
Hood: I’m surprised Iggy has the patience to wait
Smith: Not like he has a choice
Hood: Sure he does…I mean the guy could be backstage eliminating people right now
~Barnes appears to be starting things off for her team. Meanwhile Spritz is giving it a go for hers. Barnes meets Spritz in the center of the ring…as usual Spritz enjoys a nice height advantage. He reaches out, touching Barnes’ shoulder. She grabs some of Josie’s hair and toys with it in a titillating manner. Josie appears uncomfortable. Jade leans in like she’s going to kiss Joise. At the last second, she diverts and goes for a whisper. Josie shoves Jade away~
Smith: What did that woman whisper to young, sweet Josie?
Hood: I think she asked Josie to see the new Transformers movie with her
Smith: Hmm, you think she implied that something ‘sexual’ might happen?
Hood: No…I think Josie was just offended that someone would assume she’d be into those shitty movies.
~A strange smile crawls over Jade’s face. She reaches out for a lock…Josie ducks and hits the ropes…she bounces off and Jade turns around. Jade throws a clothesline…Josie ducks again, hitting the ropes. Jade puts her head down. Josie jumps over Jade with a sunset flip. She tries to pull Jade over…Spritz finds her balance and drops to the mat, sitting on Josie’s face! Josie kicks her legs wildly and manages to wiggle free before Scruff can make the count~
Smith: Where did we find this woman?
Hood: Late night Cinemax programming, Smith
Smith: Shhh! That’s our rival network…or, well, one of them
Hood: Really? So, should I cancel my subscription because, even though it’s soft core, I do enjoy those late night shows.
Smith: No comment
~Josie hops to her feet. Jade gets to hers and turns around…Josie jumps in the air and nails Jade with a dropkick!! Jade staggers into the ropes. Josie charges in with a clothesline…Jade ducks. Josie’s body bounces, front first, off the ropes…Jade hooks her for a German…Josie kicks her legs onto the ropes, she flips over Jade and reverses positions. She hooks Jade around the waist and lifts her up…Josie struggles with Jade’s size but manages to get her over and drop her with a German Suplex!! Josie releases and sits up~
Smith: Way to go, Josie! You don’t have to put up with that filth!
Hood: That’s right…no Michael Bay in here!
Smith: You have to be impressed at how Josie is blossoming right in front of our eyes
Hood: Is she becoming a woman or something? I didn’t know she was that young
Smith: As an in ring competitor!
~She looks over at Jade and frowns with disgust. She stands and heads toward her corner where she tags in Shawn Rossdale! The crowd gives Rossdale a strong ovation. He enters and goes right after Spritz. He pulls Spritz to her feet and whips her into the ropes…Spritz bounces off and is lifted high in the air with a back body drop!! She hits hard, arching her back in pain~
Smith: Shawn Rossdale had arguably the strongest performance of any wrestler in last week’s Rumble
Hood: Aside from Matt Meyhu, of course
Smith: Alright, I’ll give you that one
Hood: AND CJ
Smith: I will NOT give you that one
~Rossdale is quick to pull Spritz back up. He whips her into his team’s corner. She hits hard. He charges in and nails her with a clothesline. He tags Annie Alvarez…the crowd gives a nice pop for the OCW veteran. Annie climbs into the ring and goes after Jade with kicks and forearms~
Smith: Nice burst of offense by Annie
Hood: She’s pissed about something
Smith: Well it’s been a long night for Plethora PLUS…Annie was Jade ten years ago
Hood: No shit? So Annie can turn into people like that blue thing from X-Men?
Smith: I meant her act! The attitude…the seductive charade
~Annie yanks Jade out of the corner…Jade reverses and tosses Annie across the ring. Annie hits the corner…Jade runs in…Annie ducks and hits the ropes. Jade turns around…Annie goes for a Lou Thesz Press but Jade catches her and drills her into the mat with a spine buster!! Annie winces in pain as Jade gets to her feet…she tags the Paradigm Champion, TIO into the match. Instant boos are hurled at the ring~
Smith: This crowd has turned!
Hood: That’s kind of rude…I know Annie’s shorts are a little longer this week than usual but that’s no reason to turn on her like that
Smith: They are booing The Incredible One!
Hood: Why would they do that? He’s…
Smith: WE KNOW
~TIO roughly yanks Annie’s hair. He pulls her to her feet and points in her face. He talks down to her, he degrades her with his words. He then SLAPS her across the face! She stumbles into the ropes. The fans chant, “FUCK YOU!” to TIO. He ignores their hatred. He grabs Annie by the hair yet again and ragdolls her into the center of the ring. He lifts her up, over his head and presses her a few times…he then tosses her into the air and steps forward…the falls to the mat slamming face first into the canvas. BOOOO! Is all you can hear due to the irate crowd~
Smith: The way he treats women…
Hood: No shit, he’s got a way with them, right? No doubt Annie will be all over his jock later tonight
Smith: I highly doubt that
Hood: Hey, it worked with MJ
~TIO grabs Annie by the hair and he drags her into her team’s corner. He lets go of her hair and snares her right arm…violently he pulls up on it and shoves it in Josie’s face. “TAG! COME ON, GET IN HERE!” The fans boo loudly. Josie is a bit apprehensive. She raises her hand, slowly, knowing she can’t back down. Suddenly, Rossdale’s hand flies into view…it tags Annie’s. The crowd goes wild. TIO looks at Rossdale with surprise. He backs away as Rossdale enters into the ring. Rossdale motions for TIO to come at him. TIO coils like he’s about to spring forward…but, instead, he turns around and he tags Talia Areano. The fans BOOO louder than before. TIO laughs and steps through the ropes, returning to the apron. Areano enters into the ring, anxious to compete~
Smith: What an arrogant jerk!
Hood: What? Rossdale was clearly begging for Areano so TIO simply gave him what he wanted
Smith: Are you blind? He wanted to fight TIO!
Hood: Nah, Rossdale was totally calling Areano out
~She sprints toward Rossdale. He catches Areano and hoists her up…her momentum carries her over his head…she lands on her feet behind Rossdale and runs into the ropes. She jumps onto the second rope…Rossdale turns around and Areano leaps through the air with a moon sault. Rossdale catches her!! Areano wiggles…she bends Rossdale backward, landing on her feet with his head tucked under her arm…she then drops him with an inverted DDT~
Smith: Great sequence with Talia Areano coming out on top at the end
Hood: She’s hot, man
Smith: She is an attractive lady
Hood: Why am I just now noticing this?
Smith: We haven’t seen much of her since she signed.
~Talia doesn’t cover Rossdale…she runs into a neutral corner. In the background, while she heads to the corner, we see Annie Alvarez leaning against the barricade. Plethora is consoling her, helping her recover. Back to Talia…she waits, anxiously. Rossdale returns to his feet…Talia sprints in and leaps through the air…Rossdale catches Talia, but she hooks his head, spins around and drops him with a Tornado DDT!!! Rossdale’s head jams into the mat. He rolls onto his back…Talia makes the cover~
1!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Not quite…Shawn Rossdale is one heck of a competitor…it’s going to take more than that.
Hood: This Talia bitch is really quick
Smith: Seriously? You can’t call her Miss Areano or Talia? I’d even settle for ‘Talia Chick’
Hood: Considering what she’s doing to The Icon…I think bitch is appropriate
~Annie heads back onto the apron, waving Plethora away. Plethora walks. He leaves Annie’s corner and marches toward the opposing team’s corner. Talia pulls Rossdale to his feet and whips him into her team’s corner. TIO yells for the tag. Talia reaches out to tag hm…but she can’t…Plethora picks TIO up and removes him from the apron. He flips TIO around and SLAMS him into the floor with an Alabama Slam!!! TIO is knocked unconscious. Plethora pounces on TIO and pummels him with lefts and rights. The fans go wild. Jade Spritz slaps Talia on the arm, tagging in~
Smith: Plethora has snapped on The Incredible One!
Hood: What the fuck is that giant black guy’s problem?
Smith: I’m sure he was angry over the way TIO treated Annie
Hood: I don’t know man…that looks like some kind of hate that runs way deeper
~Annie leaps off the apron and sprints around the ring. She grabs Plethora by the neck and wrangles him off TIO. Plethora gets to his feet and Annie shoves him up the ramp. He stands, motionless. Annie yells, “Get out of here! NOW!” Plethora looks around…the faceless men begin to pour through the crowd. “GO!” Annie yells once more. Plethora slowly backs away before turning and sprinting up the ramp. He disappears through the curtain with the fans cheering his actions. The faceless men all hop the barricade and run through the curtain after him~
Smith: Can he out run OCW’s faceless, scary next level security?
Hood: He might…dude looks athletic as hell
Smith: TIO is going to be pissed
Hood: True, but he’s always pissed
Smith: That is a fact
~Annie stares up the ramp. She looks distraught. Behind her an image rises. It’s an angry TIO. He tilts his neck side to side, loosening the muscles. The fans point behind Annie. She turns around and TIO kicks her in the gut! He hooks her, lifts and drops her with YOU’RE INCREDIBLE FUCKED!! Her head and neck crunch into the floor on the outside. TIO picks Annie up and tosses her over his shoulder. He carries her to her team’s corner and places her against the ring post, on the apron. BOOO the fans yell as a somewhat ‘okay’ TIO returns to his spot on the apron~
Smith: I guess he feels like a big man now, doesn’t he? Attacking Annie from behind
Hood: He was provoked, Smith! That giant, grim reaper wannabe tried to cripple him!
Smith: Still, he always takes things too far
Hood: Not really….he could have dropped her on top of the steps
Smith: Don’t give that man any ideas!
~The seductive Spritz has both hands on Rossdale’s chest. They are in a different corner. She grabs his chest and digs her nails into it, slightly. Rossdale winces and moves to fight her off with a punch. She ducks, stands back up and chops him into the chest! Rossdale winces, bending over. Spritz stands him upright and cuts through him with another chop! Again, Rossdale bends over…Sprits grabs his arm and yanks him out of the corner. She whips him into the ropes…he bounces off…Jade throws a spinning heel kick but Rossdale catches her leg and tosses her over his head with a Capture Suplex!! Jade hits hard with the fans getting behind The Icon~
Smith: Great counter by Shawn Rossdale! I’m telling you, this guy could be something
Hood: I certainly hope so…otherwise why the fuck would you call yourself the Icon?
Smith: I’m not sure
Hood: Maybe he’s iconic at Thumb War
Smith: I’m not doubting his thumb war abilities…I just think the nickname has more to do with wrestling
Hood: Technically Thumb War IS a form of wrestling
Smith: You know what I mean!
~Rossdale staggers into his team’s corner. Annie is on her feet, but totally concussed. She reaches out and tags Rossdale. Josie looks at Annie, confused. She tries to reach in to tag Annie but can’t. Annie staggers through the ropes nearly falling. Jade crawls into her corner and slaps the eager hand of Talia Areano! Talia hops through the ropes and charges at Annie~
Smith: What is she doing?
Hood: Trying to kick Annie’s ass
Smith: Not Talia…Annie! Why did she tag in?
Hood: Because she’s an attention whore!
~Annie throws a wild clothesline at Talia…Talia ducks and hits the ropes, she bounces off and cuts through Annie with a spear!! Annie hits the mat. Talia returns to her feet with a ton of momentum. She grabs Annie by the hair and pulls her up. She hooks Annie for a Stunner…Talia runs into the ropes, she runs up the buckles and flips over Annie with Slice of Heaven (Sliced Bread #2)!!! Annie is flat on her back as Talia makes the cover~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings…the crowd gives a mixed reaction. They like Talia but hate her partner~
Belvedere: The winners of the first portion of the Process of Elimination Match…JADE SPRITZ, TALIA AREANO, AND THE INCREDIBLE ONE!!!!!
Smith: TIO’s damage was too much for Annie
Hood: That’s what she gets for wearing longer than usual booty shorts
Smith: Yea, right
~Josie and Rossdale climb into the ring and grab Annie. TIO and Jade enter. TIO and Rossdale have a stare down as TIO contemplates attacking them. However, he doesn’t see the reward in it…especially considering what he’s got facing him at the moment. Rossdale hops through the ropes as Josie hands him Annie through them. He carries Annie to the back with Josie following behind. The bell rings. Talia, Jade and TIO focus on the next level~
Smith: Great sportsmanship displayed by Rossdale and Josie
Hood: And The Incredible One!
Smith: Whatever! The only reason he didn’t attack was to save as much energy as possible to try and complete this match. Selfish motivations have always and will always drive that man.
Hood: Which is why he’s not only the Paradigm Champion BUT the future OCW Champion!
~TIO goes after Talia. He takes her down with a forearm to the side of the head. He stomps on Talia. The fans boo. Jade sits back and watches. TIO pulls Talia to her feet and whips her into the ropes…she bounces off and he blasts her to the mat with a shoulder. Talia hits hard, holding the left side of her body in pain. She tries to get up but TIO jams his foot into her left shoulder, keeping her pinned to the mat while irritating the afflicted joint~
Smith: I can’t stand this man…I seriously can’t…he’s so vile
Hood: Well, maybe you should broadcast synchronized swimming
Smith: That is a highly underrated sport, you know
Hood: No, I don’t know…nor would I ever CARE to know
~Jade exits the ring. She heads toward the barricade where a finely dressed man is seated alongside his son. Jade gives him ‘the look’. He hands his kid twenty bucks and tells the kid to ‘get lost’. His son doesn’t want to leave the action. The father threatens him, so the kid does as he’s told. He then chats it up with Jade. Meanwhile, TIO pulls Talia back to her feet, she’s holding her left shoulder. TIO hoists her over his shoulder…he positions her for what looks like a Tombstone…instead he drivers her left shoulder into his knee with a shoulder breaker!! She falls to the mat. TIO goes for a lacks cover. Jade doesn’t seem THAT concerned~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!!
Smith: Jade is playing with fire
Hood: A sexy pyromaniac!
Smith: What I mean is TIO could have easily won the match…yet she’s playing the odds that Talia would kick out
Hood: Hey, she guessed right, didn’t she?
Smith: That time
~TIO is oozing confidence. He returns to his feet and snatches Talia by the hair. He tosses her into a corner. He traps her in the corner and grabs Talia by the chin, yelling insults into her face. He then SMACKS her across the face. He spins Talia around and hooks her for a Full Nelson…Talia kicks her leg back and it nails TIO in the groin!!! He releases the hold. Talia grabs TIO’s head and she runs up the corner. She flips over and drops TIO with Slice of Heaven!!! The crowd goes wild. Jade instantly cuts the man off in the middle of some lame pick up. She hurries into the ring. Talia covers TIO~
1!
2!
BREAK UP!!
Smith: Talia Areano had it!
Hood: Fucking Jade just saved TIO from his first defeat….he owes her.
Smith: I doubt she’ll want to collect
~Talia gets to her feet and shoves Jade. Jade shoves Talia back. The two women begin to argue. TIO sits up and reaches into the corner, grabbing the ropes. He pulls himself to a standing position and leans into the corner, catching his breath. Jade sees TIO and tries to calm Talia down~
Smith: Talia is furious and I don’t blame her
Hood: No shit…I mean she did suffer through the plane ride from hell to get here
Smith: Be that as it may…I think Jade has spotted an opportunity…if they can team together, maybe they can defeat TIO
Hood: That’s fucking stupid…this isn’t Disney World…only one person can win…no participation awards for standing in the background.
~Jade points at TIO. Talia begins to see the strategy. TIO spots both women looking at him with that ‘dangerous’ intent. He charges out of the corner with his arms extended. They duck his double clothesline attempt. He stumbles toward the middle of the ring. TIO turns around and is smacked with two superkicks!! He falls to the mat. Talia goes for the pin…Jade grabs Talia by the hair and pulls her off TIO. Jade tries to cover him but Talia shoves her off the Paradigm Champion~
Smith: Come on, ladies…stick together!
Hood: Yea, right. This partnership was doomed from the start
Smith: I blame the stipulations of this match…it makes teaming up next to impossible
Hood: I blame the fact that they are psycho women
Smith: Excuse me?
Hood: Sorry, I should have realized psycho is IMPLIED when talking about females.
~Talia throws a forearm at Jade while both women are on their feet. Jade blocks it and tries to calm Talia down. She spots TIO rolling over, onto his stomach. She points it out to Talia. Talia eyes Jade, warily. TIO gets to all fours. Finally, Talia nods and gets to her feet…Jade follows suit. The two discuss something~
Smith: Alright, the bridge appears to be mended
Hood: Yea, until the next pin fall attempt
Smith: True…it’s hard to trust a woman like Jade Spritz
Hood: There you go again, bashing a woman just because she has some confidence and self esteem
Smith: Hey, I’m constantly defending the women of OCW on air…don’t you give me that lip, Hood!
~Jade and Talia have something planned. TIO reaches his feet…they grab him and whip him across the ring…he hits the ropes. Talia steps in front of Jade. Talia ducks…TIO hops over Talia and is smacked in mid air by a spinning heel kick from Jade!! TIO stumbles back…Talia leaps up and places both legs into TIO’s back…she cracks his back with a back stabber!! TIO flails over, onto his front~
Smith: Great combination of moves…these two women are working like a fine tuned machine
Hood: It won’t last long
Smith: I’m not so sure…we could be seeing the emergence of a new partnership
Hood: I could see Jade being up…or moist for that
Smith: GROSS
Hood: There is nothing gross about that my heterosexual friend
~Jade seems to be miming the motion for Slice of Heaven. She holds up two fingers. Talia nods, finding the idea to her liking. She goes through a quick tutorial on how to perform the move with Jade. Jade, an intelligent person, picks up on the move quickly. Talia then goes after TIO. She pulls him to his feet…he’s wobbly. Jade hooks TIO for a stunner and looks at Talia. Talia points toward the ropes and then motions that Jade has to flip over him. Jade winks at Talia saying, “Got it.”~
Smith: I think I know what they’ve got planed…a back to back dosage of slice of heaven!
Hood: Those bitches!
Smith: Hey…it’s all legal in this type of match
Hood: They’ll break down, don’t worry…all female alliances break down
~Jade runs toward the ropes…she kicks up but TIO hoists her high in the air…he then THROWS her over the top rope! She flies through the air landing on the man from earlier in the front row. Luckily for Jade’s body, she’s semi-caught by him and a few other fans. TIO leans against the ropes, gasping for air~
Smith: NO!
Hood: Haha…I told ya
Smith: You were half wrong…the women didn’t stab each other in the back, at least
Hood: Yes, TIO is a man of mercy…he did what he could to preserve the fantasy that women can work together
~TIO turns around….Talia is poised. She hooks him for Slice of Heaven…she runs into the corner and up the buckles. She tries to flip over but TIO catches her and brings her straight to the mat with a Tombstone!! The fans cringe. Talia is laid out as TIO remains kneeling, catching his breath~
Smith: Dang it!
Hood: Man, the stock in that move went down in a hurry
Smith: Indeed
Hood: Just goes to show the power of TIO
~TIO reaches his feet…he pulls Talia up. He’s got that “I’m not fucking around any longer” look in his eyes. He lifts Talia up and DRILLS her into the mat with You’re Incredibly Fucked!! He pins Talia, hooking both legs. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…the OCW Paradigm Champion…THE INCREDIBLE ONE!!!!!
Smith: I can’t stand that man!
Hood: Another INCREDIBLE performance!
Smith: Ugh…both Jade and Talia were so close
Hood: Yea but close is for losers…winners don’t have to cry about close
Smith: This is so depressing…another OCW event dominated by The Aptitude…CJ and TIO now comprise one third of the final Process of Elimination Match.
Hood: Hey, when you’re good…that kind of shit happens
Smith: We need a hero, Hood…but, given where we’re headed…a dang prison, I just don’t see any light in the near future.
Hood: I’ve never been happier…I think I’m going to go drink some beers and replay last week’s show as well as this week’s. It’s a great time to be an OCW fan!
Smith: Yea, you’ll have to excuse me if I don’t join in
Hood: Even better!
Smith: Well that’s it for this week, ladies and gentlemen. Hang in there, OCW fans. Darkness doesn’t last forever. Until next week I’m Smith…and alongside me is Hood…see you next time!
~We fade to black~