OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, April 17th 2017
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre! We’ve got another lineup stockpiled with tremendous in ring action.
Hood: And a great whodunit…did Josie Barnes viciously attack Ruby Rose?
Smith: The answer to that is a clear and concise NO
Hood: I beg to differ. I saw her backstage and she’s got those shifty eyes
Smith: Whatever that means…folks, we’ve got the debuts of Josie Barnes, Shawn Rossdale and PKA...which, I’m told PKA’s match has a new, added stipulation
Hood: Oh cool, what’s that?
Smith: He’s going to compete tonight in a Cancelled Match
Hood: Wow, sounds totally rad
Smith: Indeed! Ruby Rose and Jade Spritz face off in a match to determine who moves up the OCW ladder.
Hood: That’s if Ruby can comeback from Josie’s vicious attack
Smith: JOSIE didn’t attack her
Hood: Says YOU
Smith: And the police…moving along…Bradley Carrington, Assassin, and Kodi Theroux do battle in a triple threat match. The winner of which will most likely get a long look from management.
Hood: Hopefully not TOO long of a look. Could get a little cree-pay
Smith: We will also see Robbie Rayder fresh off his shocking victory against Chad Vargas take on the Savage Champion, Mack O’Connor one week before his title defense against Matt Meyhu
Hood: There’s no way Rayder can beat TWO former OCW Champions back to back
Smith: I wouldn’t sell him so short
Hood: Haha, good one man!
Smith: That was not a slight at the man’s height
Hood: SLIGHT! Haha, another good one!
Smith: Ugh…we will also see CJ O’Donnell take on Deluxxx in a handicap match.
Hood: Sweet
Smith: After that we will see the debut of the Process of Elimination Match as a team consisting of MJ Bell, Robert Morbidus and Iggy Hardy will take on Bob Grenier, Mark Storm, and Rebel
Hood: I’d like to process your elimination
Smith: The heck is that?
Hood: Just working on my game
Smith: Awful, awful form, man. And, finally, it’s our main event…Max Shade defends his OCW Ascension Championship against the unpredictable, Chaotic!
Hood: That should be fun…if you like snuff films.
Smith: Oh come on, Chaotic has a shot
Hood: I don’t know…Shade is undefeated and has wrecked fools for far less than what Chaotic threw at him this week.
Smith: True…Chaotic did cross a few lines
Hood: And that’s NOT including Survivor
Smith: Indeed…well folks, I say we’ve talked just about enough…let’s head down to ringside for our first match as Josie Barnes is set to make her professional wrestling debut
Hood: Yea, let’s get her match over with so we can get her out of the arena before she attacks anyone
Smith: For the last time…SHE WAS CLEARED!
Josie Barnes (0-0) vs. “Detective” Jack Puffer (0-3)
~Jack Puffer is already in the ring. He stares at the entrance way with a wary eye. He ponders many things as his index finger taps his chin. He’s detecting~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Aurora, Illinois…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 215lbs…”Detective” Jack Puffer!!!
~”The Fighter” by In This Moment begins to play. Josie Barnes emerges from behind the curtain looking a bit timid. It’s her first match. The fans begin to encourage her. A few “JOSIE” chants break out. She smiles, appreciative of their effort. She heads down the ramp and reaches ringside. She climbs the steps and looks into the ring. She takes in a deep breath and steps in through the ropes. Puffer eyes her closely. There’s something about Miss Barnes that he isn’t sure of~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Lily, Georgia…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 118lbs…Josie Barnes!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: This is Josie Barnes professional wrestling debut…not just her OCW debut…it’s a big deal.
Hood: Cool
Smith: Your enthusiasm is overwhelming
Hood: Well, shit man. It’s her first match…meaning she could be really good or really shitty….or, ya know, just okay.
Smith: She’s a graduate of The Squires of Wrestling Academy…a school operated by the veteran Jan van der Roost. A man most known for his epic encounters with The Shadow Dancer…wait, what?
Hood: Yea, I don’t think that’s accurate…hey, what is PUFFER doing?
~Jack Puffer has confiscated Belvedere’s mic for evidence. He decides to contaminate the evidence by using it. He speaks~
Jack Puffer: Excuse me, my dear. But I have a few questions I’d like to ask you before we get started.
~Barnes appears confused. She asks Scruff if this is normal. Scruff shrugs and sits in the corner, enjoying some time off his feet~
Jack Puffer: But where, EXACTLY where you on the evening of Monday, April 10th?
Smith: Oh geez
Hood: I’m glad somebody is addressing this issue. We have GOT to get to the bottom of this
Smith: She was cleared LAST week, genius
~Barnes starts to answer, but the GOOD detective cuts her off~
Jack Puffer: Could it have been the GARDEN state, eh? Little state we like to call Florida?’
Smith: Florida is the Sunshine state
Hood: Simple mistake…I think he did it on purpose…trying to throw Josie off
Jack Puffer: Were you, perhaps, down south, in a little town Key West? Huh? Were you Miss Barnes?
~Josie shakes her head ‘no’ and shrugs. The audience boos Puffer. He nods, taking them in. They start to chant for Josie~
Jack Puffer: C’mon, Miss Barnes, come clean. You were in THIS Arena, LAST Monday jumping Ruby Rose from behind, weren’t you?
~Barnes wears a look of confusion. She doesn’t know how to react. It’s her first match and she’s dealing with THIS?~
Jack Puffer: Alright, I’ve had just about enough of your sass. I think it’s time we head downtown so I can collect the bounty. Let’s go, Miss Barnes.
~Jack Puffer pulls out a can of silly string and he starts to shoot it into his hands. He stands behind Barnes and tries to tie her arms behind her back with it. She pulls away out of shock and anger. Puffer yells at Barnes. She turns around and throws a kick…he tries to block it, but the kick hits the hand holding the can of silly string. It squirts in his face…the top of the can jabs him in the eye!! He falls to the mat, holding his face in pain. The can rolls out of the ring~
Smith: What a joke…this is Josie’s first match and she’s got to put up with this?
Hood: Hey, it’s OCW…this stuff happens. You’ve got to learn how to deal with the good, the bad and the silly.
Smith: How about the ugly?
Hood: Fortunately, they all wear masks
~It begins to click for Barnes. Her training comes rushing back. She heads for a nearby corner. She hops onto the middle buckle. Puffer gets to his feet, the inside of his nose is bleeding. His eye is shut. He turns around and Josie leaps off…she grabs Puffer’s head and drills him into the mat with a Diving DDT!! The fans go wild with “JOSIE!” chants~
Smith: The rookie is starting to pick this wrestling thing up!
Hood: Well let’s fucking hope so
Smith: Could you at least act impressed with her acumen?
Hood: Acuwhata? Dude, this is OCW…I just assume these people know what the fuck they are doing
~Barnes pops to her feet. She smiles, enjoying herself. Puffer staggers to his feet…she immediately clicks back into wrestling mode. She crouches and lunges forward, drilling Puffer with a Superkick!! He falls flat on his back, center of the ring. Barnes looks toward the nearest corner as the crowd chants “YES!” She heads that way with enthusiasm~
Smith: It’s looking like Josie is going to win her OCW Debut!
Hood: I guess crime really does pay
Smith: She did NOT attack Ruby
Hood: Maybe she has a stunt double
~Barnes reaches the top turnbuckle and steadies herself. She leaps off with a Rounding Moonsault. It connects!! The crowd goes wild. Barnes covers Puffer as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…JOSIE BARNES!!!!!
Smith: Impressive win by the rookie in her PROFRESSIONAL WRESTLING debut
Hood: Stop shouting, fuck man, we get it. She’s an in ring virgin
Smith: Why? Why do you have to take it to that level?
Hood: Are you saying my statement is false?
Smith: No, but still…you could use less…sexual terminology
Hood: Nah, not with her…she’s evil…taking out CJ’s girl, Ruby last week.
~Our view is on Puffer as he’s out of the ring. The OCW attendants are cleaning up the silly string. Barnes heads up the ramp, waving at her fans, overcome with joy that she won her first match. We cut to Hood and Smith~
Smith: Look at her, so happy so…whoa, did you see that?!
Hood: Huh??
~A few fans scream. We cut to the ramp way to find Josie Barnes laid out. It’s an exact replica of what happened to Ruby one week earlier. No assailant is visible. Fans turn and look at one another in total confusion~
Smith: Josie Barnes has been attacked! Now do you believe her innocence?
Hood: How do we know she didn’t attack HERSELF?
Smith: That’s insane…we’ve got medics out here tending to this poor woman. Hopefully we can find out who is behind these heinous attacks and get this stopped
Hood: Or, it could have been her stunt double
Smith: Let’s head backstage
~We cut to OCW's vehicle bay, an area we may as well just start calling "the limousine reception area". Sure enough, a limousine pulls up. After a few moments, the driver gets out and comes around to the passenger side door, reaches for it... then gets BLASTED in the gut when the door swings open wildly by itself! The driver staggers back, holding his abdomen, as a bombastic black fella comes bounding out of the limo. He's got kinky short dreads and a full beard, is wearing a "cool" jacket and carrying a duffel bag, and he's looking around the place like he's seeing Disneyland for the first time.~
???: Oh, DAMN! First day at WORK, yo! Man, it's even better than I thought! OK, so I guess I gotta get in my uniform? I better get in my uniform! MAGIC TIME!
~The man instantly drops his pants right then and there. He's going commando, so the pixelated censor bits come up on his butt and crotch area. He's still wearing his jacket though. He bends over to unzip his duffel bag.~
???: Yo, these guys gonna be SO proud'a Mammalsauce, they be like "That dude is PREPARED and READY! We gonna make him in charge of stuff!" Upward mobility, bitches! Now where I put that name tag I made?
~While the man is bent over (still with his bare ass hanging out) he starts fishing through his duffel bag. Behind him, Max Shade lumbers out of the limo, looks down at the man, gets a look on his face like he just smelled a fart, and then pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. From behind both men, Dr. Orange's voice booms out.~
DR. ORANGE: Hey, sometime today people! I got places to be and things to look at that aren't your brother's unwashed ass, thankfully!
~Max steps to one side, giving Dr. Jon Orange the opportunity to step out of the vehicle. He immediately rolls his eyes, shakes his head, and leans down to council Mammalsauce.~
DR. ORANGE: OK, kid, look... I'm not your manager, and God willing, I'm never gonna be your manager, so consider this the last piece of advice you're gonna get for free from me. This is a vehicle bay, not a locker room. The talent usually like to do their changing in the locker room area. Especially if they're gonna let it all hang out like that. Not appropriate. Gross.
~Mammalsauce swiftly turns his head and cocks an eyebrow at Dr. Orange, with a bug-eyed look on his face like he doesn't know what Willis is talking about.~
MAMMALSAUCE: Ain't never seen a butt before, Jon? The hell planet you come from where they ain't got butts? If you ain't got a butt then where did you shove that stick? SO MANY QUESTIONS, but yo, for real, I gotta get ready, so if you done being a workplace distraction-
DR. ORANGE: PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP AND GET INSIDE!
~Mammalsauce sneers at Dr. Orange and yanks his pants up. He snatches up his duffel bag and pulls out a scrap of cardboard.~
MAMMALSAUCE: Yeah, whatever. I'm'a still wear my name tag.
~Mammalsauce puts a lanyard around his neck. It has a cardboard sign on it that says "OCW EMPLOEY MAMMALSAUCE - ALL ACKSESS" and has a crude stick figure drawing of a man with dreads and a beard flexing his stick-like arm. He then smirks and holds his hands out while walking backwards out of the shot. Max has his face firmly buried in his hand, can't really tell if he's embarrassed or laughing (probably a little of both). Dr. Orange sighs and slicks back his hair.~
DR. ORANGE: This is the last time we give him a ride. Totally unprofessional. The hell does Marcus Welsh see in this koo-koo bird? My condolences to your family for having to be related to him.
~Dr. Orange snaps his fingers at the limo driver that's laid out.~
DR. ORANGE: C'mon. Nap time's over. Park the car. Max, let's go.
~Dr. Orange starts to walk away. Max slowly follows him, but looks back towards the limo for a second with a concerned look on his face. The limo driver starts to get up, holding his guts and ribs and wincing. He reaches for the door and starts to swing it shut, but then it suddenly BLASTS him in the head, and he falls down again! A young Asian woman with long dreadlocks and purple lipstick emerges from the limo, holding the Ascension Championship in one hand, while rubbing her eyes with the other and yawning.~
KANAI: Hey, Max, sorry I passed out during the ride. Don't forget your belt thing.
~Max gets a relieved smile on his face and outstretches his massive arm. Kanai stumbles into Max's grasp. The couple walk into OCW Arena arm-in-arm as the camera pans down to the passed-out limo driver, and the scene fades back to the announce table~
Smith: And there's our first on air glimpse of Max Shade's little brother...Mammalsauce
Hood: Mammal...sauce?
Smith: Yes
Hood: The fuck...is that code for Whale jizz?
Smith: I certainly hope not!
Hood: Guy's pretty wild...so it could be, just saying
Smith: Well he did, reportedly throw a kick so powerful that it sent the undefeated OCW Ascension Champion, Max Shade, to the Emergency Room
Hood: Hmm...you know what, sign this man! He's intriguing
Smith: All signs point toward that happening, Hood. So, settle down.
Hood: Fuckin Welsh, guy's all over it
Smith: Well, he can't be any worse than Shootah. Anyway, we'll see more of Mammalsauce later, I'm sure. And, his brother, Max Shade will be front and center in his first ever OCW main event later this evening
Hood: About fucking time
Smith: But, until then...we've got more in-ring work to observe...including this new, innovative concept. We like to call it the OCW Cancelled Match...let's head to the ring!
Hood: I can't wait!
PKA (0-0) vs. Tatum Coe (0-3)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following is a Cancelled Match!
Smith: Alright then, moving along…let’s head to footage from earlier today featuring the Oh Shit Contract holder and undefeated wrestler, Damian K'!
~We cut to a video feed from earlier in the day. OCW GM Marcus Welsh is inside his sparingly used office within the bowels of the OCW Arena. He’s seated at the edge of his desk, dressed nicely. He looks at the expensive, heavy watch wrapped around his left wrist. His eyes move toward a clock on the wall for confirmation. He sighs. A piece of paper catches his eye. It’s an artist’s rendering of an event named “Lost at Sea”. The date beneath the logo reads June 19th, 2017. He smiles. A knock rattles his office’s door~
Marcus Welsh: Yea
Voice: Damian K’ is here, sir.
Marcus Welsh: Send him in
~Stepping inside of the office of Marcus Welsh, Damian didn't seem at all offset. He looks around at the scenery, his eyes eventually dropping onto the poster of Lost at Sea. His eyes narrow in intrigue, before he returns his entire attention to Marcus. He doesn't sit down, but he approaches the desk with his hands tucked in his pockets.~
Damian K': You wanted to see me?
~Welsh waves the OCW employee out of the office. The employee, having not been raised in a barn, shuts the door. Welsh stands up and heads around his desk. He slides open a skinny drawer and pulls out a document. He places it atop his desk and points at it. K' looks down. Out camera zooms in...it's the Oh Shit Contract with Max Shade's name written in~
Marcus Welsh: Am I to assume this was your doing and not some prank? Because we've got a lot of people in OCW who would think a prank like this might be funny. Or, a certain orange hued individual who could have taken it upon himself to set something like this up.
~Damian tilts his head, looking at the contract. Marcus's words tickle him, but not enough to break his stoic visage.~
Damian K': Indeed, it was my doing. I see that my message has resonated to even you.
~He points at Marcus.~
Damian K': You see, I would have all the time in the world to craft a plan to take any championship that I saw fit from the pool of potential targets. I could wait and wait. With the wars going on and the erratic nature of this company, I could make it easy for myself to infringe on someone's life and take what they see as theirs. With that contract that you hold, I held so much power at my fingertips. With my record and my performance, I'm poised to be a threat to anyone that I see fit, but in all actuality, I don't wish to be the stereotype. I could wait and attack someone, but that's not my prerogative. Instead, I opted to do what needed to be done with such a chance.
~The man walks closer to Marcus's well-crafted desk, sliding his finger across it. He spots how his fingerprint staining the table. He rubs his fingers idly, before giving a look to his employer.~
Damian K': It's not some prank, Mr. Welsh. It's a declaration, a challenge that Max nor the aforementioned orange individual can deny. At the next PPV--
~He points at the poster hanging behind Marcus.~
Damian K': That's when I'll make my attempt at taking my first championship here in OCW.
~Welsh turns and spots the poster Damian's finger is identifying. He nods with an arrogant grin sliding across his face~
Marcus Welsh: That is an excellent poster, isn't it? What a concept, right? Came up with it myself.
~He stops the self-congratulating and returns his attention to the Oh Shit Contract holder~
Marcus Welsh: Alright then...you will face Max Shade at our next super event on June 19th. I admire the confidence. Most people would have tried knocking Shade off with trickery or deception...but you....you're taking him head on. I knew the moment we signed you...I knew you'd be something special.
~Welsh leans over and applies his necessary signature, sealing the deal. He flips the pen atop the contract and extends his hand~
Marcus Welsh: I'll have my secretary get some copies made and we'll send those over to you as soon as possible. I wish you continued success, Damian...you've done well so far, but we expect much, much more.
~Damian eyes Welsh's hand, before giving him a firm shake. For what seems to be the first time, a small grin appears on his face.~
Damian K': One day, I might be in here, holding the OCW Championship. So hold your breath.
~Letting go of his hand, Damian left the office, returning back to his stoic nature. Yet, he stops at the doorway.~
Damian K': Thank you for the opportunity.
~He continues on out, leaving Welsh by himself. Welsh turns around and eyes a trophy near his desk for first place in an underwater breath holding competition. He smiles~
Marcus Welsh: Hold my breath? Not a problem.
~We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Huge news!
Hood: Absolutely, our GM can hold his breath for hours! Days, even!
Smith: While it certainly appears he’s talented at holding his breath…hours might be a bit much. Minutes might be more accurate. But that’s not the selling point here…Damian K’ has cashed in his Oh Shit Contract to face Max Shade on June 19th for the OCW Ascension Championship
Hood: Yea, if Shade beats Chaotic
Smith: Indeed…I would assume this is contingent upon Shade remaining the OCW Ascension Champion from now until then. Otherwise, Damian will probably be given the option to reconsider his contract.
Hood: It’s only fair
Smith: Indeed...well, we've got a little time before our next match
Hood: That Cancelled Match was something, right? It really tore up the ringside area...taking us awhile to get everything cleaned up
Smith: Uhhh...sure...anyway, let's head backstage!
~Backstage, ‘The Marvel’ Matt Meyhu enters the building with a bag over his shoulder. Walking next to him is his manager Ezra Rosenberg. Both men are wearing suits and sunglasses. They round a corner and narrowly dodge a scrawny man with a mullet. Matt keeps walking as Ezra stops in his tracks~
Ezra Rosenberg: Whoa whoa whoa… Are you… Tony the Spider?!
Tony the Spider: Hahahahahaha!
Ezra Rosenberg: Oh my god, it is you. Matty! Look.
Matt Meyhu: What? Let him go, Ez. That guys probably got somewhere to be… Although I couldn’t tell you where.
Ezra Rosenberg: The ring! You fighting tonight? Who do you got?
Tony the Spider: Hahahahaha!
Ezra Rosenberg: Hahaaaa! You’re right. It doesn’t even matter. I feel sorry for whoever it is. Matty, come shake Tony’s hand.
Matt Meyhu: Who the hell is Tony?
~Matt looks over at Ezra, who is stunned. He motions toward the man with the mullet, who is oozing with charisma~
Ezra Rosenberg: Tony.
Tony the Spider: Hahahahahaha!
Ezra Rosenberg: The Spider.
Tony the Spider: HAHAHAHAHA!
Matt Meyhu: Ohhhh… Tony. The Spider. I thought you said… Something else… Different from that…
Ezra Rosenberg: Sometimes, I just don’t know. Tiffany is right. You don’t listen!
~Matt rolls his eyes as he walks over and extends his hand toward Tony. Tony eagerly shakes Matt’s hand~
Matt Meyhu: Hey Tony, good luck out there tonight.
Tony the Spider: Hahahahaha, you too!
Matt Meyhu: Well thank you… I don’t have a match but, it’s the thought that counts I suppose.
Ezra Rosenberg: Sir, before you go, just please take my card.
~Tony grabs a business card from Ezra and exits the frame, laughing the whole way down the hall~
Ezra Rosenberg: Guys got ‘it.’
Matt Meyhu: I don’t understand you.
~Matt walks away from Ezra, leaving him standing alone in the hallway with a grin on his face~
Ezra Rosenberg: Now to the ring.
~We cut to the announce team~
Smith: Tony the Spider, ladies and gentlemen
Hood: Who is more charismatic, Smith...Matt Meyhu or Tony the Spider?
Smith: Matt Meyhu, of course!
Hood: I don't know, I think it's pretty close
Smith: Tony the Spider is some garage wrestler wannabe who, for reasons beyond me, was given a chance to compete in OCW. Matt Meyhu, well, is the complete opposite of that.
Hood: So? He's got charisma...this Tony the Spider...he's got it!
Smith: Dogs have charisma, Hood
Hood: Yea and Air Bud was pretty successful, wasn't he?
Smith: This is insanity...I really hope Ezra doesn't sign that man. Let's get this Tony the Spider match out of the way and be done with him...move on to some serious wrestlers.
Hood: If we're all lucky, one day Tony the Spider's name will be etched in the OCW Hall of Fame
Smith: What a disgrace that would be...NOW TO THE RING!
”The Icon” Shawn Rossdale (0-0) vs. Tony the Spider (0-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for ONE FALL
~ The lights go really bright, almost to the point where you think they might blow, but then they slowly dim. It goes black briefly for about 3 seconds then a light green fog settles around the entrance area. Then "Inside Us All" by Creed hits with the picking going on. Shawn Rossdale appears after a couple seconds. He stands at the top, with his hands on his hips, then points to everyone in the crowd in a round about way. Then points to the ring and power walks his way down the ramp slapping hands with whoever he can on the way down. Once he gets to the ring he hops up and jumps over the top rope. Does jumps again with his hands out and when he lands in a wide stance pyro go off of green and white just as "is it really worth it all" lyrics hit for the first time in the song. He then smiles and points to various people in the crowd, smiling and winking~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Primrose Hill, London, England…standing 6’1 and weighing in at 2015lbs…”The Icon” Shawn Rossdale!!!
~The OCW Arena quiets down. Smoke begins to fill the entrance way. “Jump” by Van Halen begins to play. The crowd rises to their feet…they start to throw their heads around to the music. A tiny, round silhouette steps through the smoke. He’s got his circular shades on…his mullet is FULL FORCE and his bright yellow shirt is bright AND yellow. He’s got spandex black shorts on. But, even more impressive, a yellow fanny pack is secured tightly around his waist. He bobs his head like a rooster to the music as he marches to the ring. He slaps hands with fans as a “TONY” chant begins~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Springfield USA…standing 5’6 and weighing in at 165lbs…Tony the Spider!!!
~The crowd is totally behind Tony the Spider. He steps into the ring with Charisma, Presence…he’s got IT. He stands in a corner and starts to laugh~
Smith: Tony the Spider ladies and gentlemen
Hood: He’s the star of 2017, Smith
Smith: Let’s hope not…I really don’t see why all these fans are behind him like this
Hood: Because he’s Tony the Spider
~Tony removes his shades and unzips his fanny pack. He carefully places the shades inside the fanny pack before removing the pack itself and sliding it into his corner. He stretches his arms out. He’s got some old, white New Balance tennis shoes on. He steps toward the center of the ring. Rossdale seems annoyed. He meets Tony in the middle of the ring. Rossdale extends his hand. Tony looks down and just starts laughing~
Smith: I don’t think that’s the best way to make friends around here
Hood: Tony doesn’t make friends with you…YOU make friends with Tony
Smith: Why is he the spider, anyway?
Hood: I think it’s because he’s only read one book his entire life
Smith: And that was…
Hood: Charlotte’s Web!
~Rossdale shakes his head. His pride is wounded…he is The ICON after all. He pats Tony on the soft, fleshy portion of his arm which, well, IS his entire arm. Tony pauses and looks. Shawn extends his hand once more. Tony looks at it and goes “hahahahaha!!”~
Smith: Again? C’mon, Tony…shake the man’s hand. He’s trying to make friends
Hood: Tony doesn’t need any friends…Tony’s got SWAG
Smith: This is bordering on humiliation…shake the man’s hand!
Hood: I don’t know, maybe he thinks a guy who calls himself the Icon masturbates way too often…
Smith: Gross
~Tony turns slightly. Rossdale’s shoulders tense. He reaches out and grabs Tony by the arm, jerking him around to where they are facing each other. Tony looks up at Rossdale. Once more, for a third time, Rossdale extends his hand. “Shake my hand, Tony.” Tony looks down at the hand. “HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”~
Smith: If I were Shawn…I think I’d give up on this shake the hand thing
Hood: Spiders are notorious for refusing to greet one another
Smith: How do you know that?
Hood: Tony told me
~Rossdale has had enough. He reaches across his body and backhands Tony across the face!! Tony staggers…Rossdale crouches and lunges forward with a Superkick right under Tony’s chin!!! Tony collapses to the mat. Rossdale covers him as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…”THE ICON” SHAWN ROSSDALE!!!!!
Smith: Well, that was fast. Shawn Rossdale calls that Distortion.
Hood: I guess you were right…Tony should have shook The Icon’s hand
Smith: Impressive win…Shawn Rossdale could just live up to that name after all
~A confidently talented Rossdale exits the ring and heads up the ramp. Tony the Spider is tended to by Scruff. He looks to be asleep…soundly, like a child. His eyes flutter open as Scruff helps him to a seated position. Scruff places an ice pack on the back of Tony’s neck. Tony stands and stumbles for a moment. The crowd cheers with a few “Tony! Tony!” chants finding their way to the ring~
Smith: He looks to be okay
Hood: Tough guy, that superkick was no joke
Smith: Indeed
~Tony leans against the ropes and shakes his head. He says something to Scruff. Scruff hustles and returns with his fanny pack. Tony secures it around his waist…pulls out his shades, puts them on and starts to laugh. The crowd goes wild~
Smith: Tony the Spider, everybody
Hood: A future STAR!
Smith: Let’s go backstage
~Backstage, a team of trainers are preparing Max Shade for his main event match with Chaotic. They are massaging his shoulders, adjusting the fitting on his gear, and applying hand and wrist tape. Max seems especially interested in making sure they pay close attention to the fitting on his knees, legs, and feet. Dr. Orange stands close by, scratching his neck and watching the proceedings with a bit of tension.~
DR. ORANGE: Just gonna put this out there, Max, because I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't. Think you could at least get in a Corner Hug Smash? C'mon, we got t-shirts to sell.
~Max sneers at Dr. Orange. Dr. Orange puts his hands up.~
DR. ORANGE: Just asking, just asking. I know, I promised you can do whatever you want out there tonight. It's your night. Do what you gotta.
~Max exhales sharply through his nose and shakes his head. He looks back down at the ground. Dr. Orange sighs and turns towards the camera.~
DR. ORANGE: Speaking of MY job... Chaotic. Tonight, you hit the very peak of your OCW career. You get what many wrestlers dream about in this industry, and that's main-event billing. Congratulations, I'm sure you think you deserve it. And, for the sake of tension, I'll even pretend a little like you actually do. Such hard work it must be, being the most mediocre in a three-way mediocrity race. Such a shame you cut that momentum of yours off at the knees by losing to Rebel last week.
~Max is now looking at a picture of Chaotic that hangs on a nearby wall. His eyes are burning laser holes through the picture (figuratively, of course). Dr. Orange jabs a thumb towards Max and smiles.~
DR. ORANGE: And of course, in what your worm-riddled sponge of a brain probably considered a tactical advantage, you decided to double-down on the idiot-speak in your last promotional packet, and stain your dubious accomplishment by blurting out even more brainless bigoted horseshit. I mean... You seriously think Mexicans can't be racist? Seriously? Such a charmer. I can see why you never got that job as an ambassador.
~Dr. Orange chuckles at his own joke. Max continues staring at the picture of Chaotic with hurtful intentions.~
DR. ORANGE: Here's a quick homework assignment you can do, in these dwindling few moments you have left before you'll be straining all your meals through a jaw wired shut. Go out and ask some people who didn't eat paste as children if Max seems like he was "playing the victim". Seriously, does THIS MAN look victimized to you?
~Dr. Orange points again at Max, whose rock-hard muscles swell and pulse. His face wears a granite expression of pure malice. He lets out a brahma-bull snort and rises to his full six-foot-five, then slams his fist into his palm, letting out a sound like a wet crack of thunder.~
DR. ORANGE: This is not a man who starts boycott campaigns or goes live on Facebook when someone starts race-baiting him, kiddo. You're not gonna see him on Reddit explaining "privilege" or "microaggressions" to a bunch of heckling neckbeards. You're just not. Isn't his style. Triggering Max Shade doesn't earn you a few paragraphs at a Black Lives Matter rally, oh no. I will say this though... All you Red Pill kids who have been talking about going back to the good old days? You're getting your wish, tonight. Because back in the day, black people didn't rustle your pea-sized jimmies on the internet when you used racial slurs... They just skipped to the egregious ass-kicking.
~Max grits his teeth, his lips forming a psycho-smile. Dr. Orange nods and smiles his own wide, smarmy smile.~
DR. ORANGE: So, Chaotic... after this is all through, take a moment to look in a mirror. Memorize what you see. Take notes if you have to... Because THAT sloppy pile of ex-human is what a "victim" looks like.
~Max nods and grunts, before grabbing a bottle of water and pouring it over his head. He walks briskly out of the locker room, as the scene fades to the announce table~
Smith: Tonight could go very, very badly for Chaotic
Hood: Or it could be the greatest night of his career!
Smith: Yea, I guess he could win...we do continually underestimate him. You're right, I should look at it more as a competitive match, rather than a death march.
Hood: I was being sarcastic
Smith: Well, I'm still shifting my attitude. Chaotic could win this thing and supplant Max Shade as the top rising star in OCW
Hood: You once convinced a legit woman to marry you...so, yea, anything can happen
Smith: Rude! Well folks, it's time for our next match as Bradley Carrington, Assassin, and Kodi Theroux do battle to see who rises up the OCW ladder. Let's head down to ringside!
Triple Threat Match
Assassin (2-2) vs. Bradley Carrington (1-0) vs. Kodi Theroux (1-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a triple threat contest scheduled for one fall!!
~The arena lights go out for a moment as we hear a girl's voice scream out “I Hate Everybody” as the opening of “Walking on Bodies” echoes over the PA. After a moment we see Assassin come through the curtain to a chorus of boos from the crowd. Assassin stops midway down the ramp as he cracks a smile looking out at the booing crowd. Assassin continues down the ramp as he reaches the bottom looking at the ring for a brief moment as he looks at the crowd once more before climbing onto the apron and through the ropes. Once in the ring Assassin fakes going towards a corner and instead stands in the middle of the ring turning to his side as he points out towards the crowd and laughs~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 285lbs…Assassin!!!
~Bradley Carrington steps onto the stage, wearing a grey t shirt that says "Carrington" in red letters on it, the 'C' has a graduate cap over it. He is reading a copy of his book: "Being the Best at Everything, the Bradley Carrington Story". He pauses, as if he is moved by his own writing, before closing the book and walking towards the ring. As he approaches the ring, he picks a fan in the front row, signs the book, and hands it to them (usually to be dropped on the floor when he isn't looking). He jumps onto the ring apron, climbs in between the ropes, and poses for photos from his adoring fan (his wife Autumn). He removes his t shirt and waits for the match to begin~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Ithaca, New York…standing six feet tall and weighing in at 205lbs…Bradley Carrington!!!
~”Out of the Black” by Royal Blood hits. The fans show a mixed reaction as Kodi Theroux emerges from the back. He quickly makes his way to the ring with Carrington and Assassin looking on. Kodi hops onto the apron and takes a moment to size both opponents up before stepping in through the ropes, ready for competition~
Belvedere: And the third competitor…from Tampa, Florida…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 215lbs…Kodi Theroux!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: It’s moving day for these three…the winner will most likely be looked at for a quick push whereas the two men who come up short will need to claw their way back.
Hood: Yea, I hear Assassin has had trouble getting work as of late. People don’t like a very PUBLIC Assassin who can’t win wrestling matches.
Smith: Yea, I’d imagine it causes a few issues in his profession
Hood: I’m told he’s had to start booking silly revenge gigs. Like prank phone calls and so forth.
Smith: Really? I got one of those last week…
~Carrington leans into his corner. He seems comfortable in the ‘wait and see’ strategy. Kodi Theroux takes note of Carrington’s action. He heads toward The Professor and throws some choice words his way. The mat starts to rumble…the giant body of Assassin comes charging in. Carrington darts out of the corner as Assassin squashes Theroux!! Theroux leans forward, with his chest buried into the top turnbuckle~
Smith: That’s three hundred pounds of man running at a very high rate of speed
Hood: Could you imagine if he banged some chick with that Landshark move?
Smith: PLEASE
Hood: She’d go through the fucking wall…or he…I’m not one to judge
~Assassin lifts Kodi up like he’s going for an atomic drop. Instead he places Kodi up on the top turnbuckle. He turns around and reaches under Kodi’s arm, going for a Razor’s edge. He steps toward the middle of the ring…Carrington flashes into view with a superkick under Assassin’s chin!! Assassin falls backward with Kodi landing awkwardly on top of him~
Smith: Advantageous move by Bradley Carrington…two birds, one stone
Hood: You ever tried to kill a bird by throwing a stone
Smith: No
Hood: Fucking tough, man. Especially TWO at once…that’d be harder than
~Carrington pulls Kodi up and gives him a head butt. Kodi’s legs wobble. Carrington tosses Kodi over the top rope and to the outside. Assassin sits up. Carrington kicks him as hard as he can in the chest. Assassin goes back down with his head near the bottom buckle. Carrington steps into the corner and grabs onto the ropes…he uses them for leverage to jump higher than humanly possible…he then comes down slamming both feet into Assassin’s chest~
Smith: Innovative offense…Bradley Carrington is intelligent…despite his delusions
Hood: He’s so smart…he’s the only person I’ve ever met that actually spells professor correctly
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Two f’s and one s, Smith
Smith: That was an error in our graphics department, Hood!
Hood: What are you talking about? I’ve always spelled it like that!
~Carrington grabs a handful of Assassin’s thick, curly hair and pulls him to a seated position. Assassin is leaning up against the bottom buckle. Carrington grabs hold of the ropes while facing the corner and leaps into the air…his body goes horizontal to the ring before gravity pulls it back toward the corner…he bends his knees and slams them into Assassin’s face!!! Assassin slouches over as Carrington backs out and turns around…a roundhouse kick from Kodi Theroux greets him!!! He turns halfway around and falls to the mat with Kodi standing over him~
Smith: Triple threat matches are so dangerous…you cannot remain isolated on one opponent for too long
Hood: Yes you can…
Smith: Well, I mean, you could but it’s terrible strategy
Hood: Bring cuffs to the ring…cuff one of them to the ropes and then beat the shit out of the other
Smith: I think they call that illegal, Hood
~Theroux pulls Carrington to his feet and he tosses him over the top rope. Carrington lands roughly on the outside. Theroux pulls Assassin out of the corner and knees him in the gut…Assassin doubles over…Theroux slams a few knees in a bicycle motion into Assassin’s face. He runs into the ropes with Assassin bending over…he bounces off, grabs Assassin’s head and drops him with a swinging neck breaker~
Smith: Kodi Theroux looked great last week in his debut…and, right now, he’s picking up where he left off
Hood: Man, this Assassin guy is worse than every agent in those Bourne movies not named Jason Bourne
Smith: I don’t know, they seemed skilled to me
Hood: What are you talking about? They got killed in every mission they were assigned.
Smith: Well, yea…but to be fair their missions were to kill Jason Bourne
~Kodi is quick to his feet. He spots Carrington climbing onto the apron. He runs in and knees Carrington off…Carrington hits the floor, hard. Assassin is back to his feet. Kodi turns around and throws a roundhouse kick…Assassin catches it and drops Kodi with a lariat! Kodi turns inside out and lands on his back…Assassin falls to the mat and remains there…both men are laid out~
Smith: Assassin is strong…
Hood: I’d fucking hope so, guy weights like three hundred pounds
Smith: Not all three hundred pounders are strong
Hood: Man, if you’re three hundred pounds and weak…might be time to call it a life.
~Carrington peeks over the apron and spots a golden opportunity. He crawls onto the apron and gets to his feet. He heads for the nearest corner and reaches the top turnbuckle. Assassin and Kodi are on their feet. They turn and look at Carrington. The Professor leaps off and kicks both men in the face…left leg into Assassin’s face, right leg into Kodi’s face! They fall backward with Kodi rolling out of the ring. Bradley lands on his back and winces in pain~
Smith: Great move by Bradley Carrington…he’s talented, we know that…the question is, can he remain focused on something other than himself.
Hood: Why should he? When you’re that good everything else is a let down
Smith: What a narrow minded viewpoint
Hood: I like to think of it as accurate
~Carrington crawls over to Assassin who is on all fours…he quickly locks in a Triangle Choke!! Assassin tries to fight out of it but Carrington really has it cinched in. Assassin waves his arm around, trying to grab something. He reaches for Carrington’s face, trying to gouge an eye. Carrington bites his head….that stops his eye gouging efforts…he pulls his arm back quickly. He starts to fade~
Smith: It’s the Cornell Clutch…he won his debut match with this very submission!
Hood: Well, I guess it’s pretty submissiony then
Smith: That’s one fabricated word for it, sure
Hood: Looks like the Assassin is going to go out quietly…first thing he’s had in common with an actual assassin I’ve seen in awhile
~Assassin’s arm is limp. Scruff grabs it and lifts it up. It falls. He lifts it again…it falls twice. Once more and he’ll be done. Carrington suddenly releases the hold…he spots Kodi Theroux climbing onto the apron~
Smith: Might have overreacted…I don’t think Kodi could have reached them in time
Hood: Dude, he’s A PROFESSOR…I’m sure he calculated the odds in his head and made the right call
Smith: I’ve watched enough wrestling to know that Kodi wasn’t going to make it
Hood: Hey hey hey…are you a fucking professor?
Smith: Well, no
Hood: Then shut your fucking mouth
Smith: Rude
~Carrington gets to his feet and he runs for the corner nearest Kodi. Kodi is on his feet, holding onto the top rope. Carrington leaps onto the middle buckle and then leaps off drilling Theroux with a Triangle Dropkick!! Kodi falls, slams against the apron and bounces off, to the floor. The fans boo Carrington’s move, realizing he’s probably going to win~
Smith: Tremendous athleticism shown by Carrington
Hood: An athletic professor…holy shit, Smith. This guy’s got it all!
Smith: He certainly does appear to have a high ceiling
Hood: I’d say his ceiling goes as high as the one on the Lambeau Field!
Smith: Lambeau Field doesn’t have a…oh, nevermind
~Carrington returns to the corner and gets a look at Assassin, who is out and on his back. He climbs to the top and finds his balance. He then leaps off with a very educated looking Shooting Star Press. It connects!!! Carrington goes for the pin as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…”PROFESSOR” BRADLEY CARRINGTON!!!!!
Smith: He calls that the PhD Press!
Hood: Guy is something special, Smith
Smith: Well, I don’t know about that…but he did just defeat two men OCW officials were, at one time, high on
Hood: Carrington moves up…Kodi moves down and Assassin moves out
Smith: That would appear to be the case. Great win for Carrington as his career is on the upswing. It will be interesting to see where he goes from here. But, for now, let’s head to footage from earlier today.
~We cut to a conference room. Several solid looking media members are in attendance along with high ranking officials within the Key West community. Marcus Welsh is standing atop a stage with a screen behind him. The Eastern European is off to the side, watching with a bemused expression. Welsh has finished kissing everyone’s ass and is moving onto the reason for their gathering~
Marcus Welsh: So, without further ado…I’d like to officially unveil our next Super Event…
~An image is projected on the screen. It’s a graphic for an event called “Lost at Sea”. The date Monday, June 19th 2017 is at the bottom. We see an image of an air craft carrier floating out atop the deep, blue ocean. Welsh smiles as several people in attendance clap~
Marcus Welsh: That’s right, OCW Presents Lost At Sea. An event so big that it could not be contained. So grand in scale that it had to be held in a place without barriers, fences, walls…an event that will take place aboard an air craft carrier in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean!
~The place erupts with cheers. Several members look to one another and say “What a great idea!” “Best idea for wrestling ever” “I’m totally going to watch this” “This is what will launch OCW into the stratosphere” “Marcus Welsh is a genius” “Finally, OCW has a GM with class” Welsh nods along with all the compliments. Once they die down, he continues~
Marcus Welsh: Every championship will be defended…the Oh Shit Contract will be back up for grabs and details regarding The Buffet Cup will be announced. It’s going to be a night unlike any other…the greatest event in OCW history. Tickets will go on sale Monday, March 1st.
~The crowd stands and applauds. Welsh is overcome with satisfaction. EE walks onto the platform and whispers into Welsh’s ear. He nods and waves everyone to sit down~
Marcus Welsh: I almost forgot. OCW’s Make a Wish Contest has found a lucky winner. I’m told they are going to speak to us today, via satellite…so let’s get this lovely, brave youngster on the screen and hear what they have to say!
~The screen blurs and statics a few times. Until finally, an image appears~
~It’s DIRTY Devin McKnight!! The crowd screams with horror. Several media members rush out of the room. Devin licks his lips and smiles. His teeth are yellow and rotted. He begins to speak~
Dirty Devin McKnight: Yo yo yo, just wanted to say what’s up bitches? Dirty Devin here, about to take that stainless steel ride. Can’t wait for you fuckwits to put on that show out here in the Alcatraz of the South. Gonna be off the fuckin chain, yo.
~He leans in, his breath fogging up the lens. We convince ourselves that we can smell his nasty ass breath~
Dirty Devin McKnight: Maybe ya’ll can toss a few of them skanks my way, ya know? One last ride before they shoot me up after the event on June 19th? They don’t have to be willin’…shit, that ain’t never stopped ole Dirty Devin, haha
Voice: Turn this off immediately!
~An angry member of the Key West community voices his concern. Welsh does the throat slash gesture at the projectionist~
Dirty Devin McKnight: Yea buddy…I ain’t been this excited since I tore into that sorority house with my rope and…
~It cuts off, thankfully. Welsh is covered in sweat…his eyes are wrecked. He looks around for answers within the crowd. The angry member yells out~
Angry Member: And I thought wrestling had changed. You convinced us we were being presented a sophisticated product. If you actually hold an event in honor of that…that HEATHEN then we may have to rethink allowing OCW a license to wrestle in Key West.
Marcus Welsh: I assure you sir, this is all one big misunderstanding. Jimmy Buffet is a man of great taste and couth. There’s no way we’d ever allow something like this to happen.
Angry Member: I am just sick. The sight of that man, geezus. You better get this fixed Welsh or else you will lose all support of the Key West community.
~With that, the remaining attendants exit the room in a huff. Welsh continues to search for answers. He’s confused, how on Earth did this happen. Then, he spots EE out of the corner of his eye. His face reddens. He’s figured it out. He points at EE~
Marcus Welsh: YOU.
Eastern European: Hah…the problem seems to be what, Mr. Welsh?
~Welsh gets up in EE’s face~
Marcus Welsh: You’ve fucking ruined us. We’re done because of your stupidity. Shit…maybe I can fix this.
~Welsh thinks for a moment~
Marcus Welsh: Yea, I can fix this. First, you’re fired.
Eastern European: What? Please no set fire to me, Mister Welsh, please!
Marcus Welsh: Massacre is in a few hours…alright, fine. Finish the show tonight and then pack your bags. Tonight is your last night.
Eastern European: But no! Mister Welsh…this be the tragedy of my life! I can no go back to Eastern Europe! Calling Saul the Better just start last week! We no have the AMC in my home country!
Marcus Welsh: I don’t care. Pack your shit up by the end of the night. That’s it.
~Welsh storms off. He’s under a great deal of stress. There is one man who has to hear about this. Jimmy Buffet. EE lowers his head, sadly. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: I’m actually a little surprised
Hood: I’m not…you don’t get the nickname Dirty without doing some crazy shit
Smith: I thought I’d love seeing our on-site GM get the axe…but, I have to admit…I’m kind of sad
Hood: Eh, not me. Guy fucked up and was trying to have us do an event inside Alcatraze of the South…my goodness man. Those prisoners would rape the shit out of you, Smith
Smith: ME? What about YOU?
Hood: Nah, I’ve got street cred
Smith: Whatever…well I have to give our on-site GM credit…he hasn’t complained, he’s going about his last night admirably
Hood: He probably knows if he stirs up too much shit they’ll pull his work visa.
Smith: That is a good point…anyway, hopefully we can get this fixed because Lost at Sea sounds like a GREAT idea
Hood: Oh, I’m sure we will. Blame it on the idiot running the day to day…donate a large sum to the state of Louisiana and we’ll be good.
Smith: Yep, I’d say so. Alright folks…it’s time for our next match…let’s head down to ringside!
Mack O’Connor © (3-1) vs. Robbie ‘Aire’ Rayder (3-2)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following contest is a Non-Title Match up scheduled for one fall!!
~The lights dim as a red siren light circles the arena. 'Indestructible' by Disturbed plays as Robbie Rayder, weighing his ring attire and color matching cape, walks out and kneels down. He points his index fingers to the ceiling then lowers them to point at the ring. Rayder looks out at the crowd as he walks half way down towards the ring, then pulling the cape off from his neck. He slides into the ring, front flips up, drops to a knee and points to the ceiling again, then lowers his index fingers to point at the entrance~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Vancouver, British Columbia…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 195lbs…Robbie ‘Aire’ Rayder!!!
~As his music hits, Mack O’Connor walks out on the stage and walks directly to the ring, dressed in jeans and a black tank top. He occasionally raises an arm to acknowledge and get a rise out of the fans. His OCW Savage Championship is secured around his waist. He slides into the ring and starts pacing in his corner. He doesn’t talk trash to his opponent but he makes sure to stare them down, letting them know he means business~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Brooklyn, New York…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 230lbs…he is the OCW Savage Champion….Mack O’Connor!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Last week, Hood…Robbie Rayder scored a huge upset when he defeated the former OCW Champion Chad Vargas.
Hood: I’m told people are looking into that match…foul play is suspected
Smith: What people?
Hood: People, Smith…people
Smith: I watched it with my own two eyes…Rayder defeated Vargas fair and square!
~Rayder stays light on his toes, bouncing around. O’Connor sighs and looks out at the fans. He spots one taking a drink. He exits the ring and congregates with the fan. Mack takes a sniff of the fan’s beverage and rolls his eyes. He walks to another fan, sniffing his beverage – same result. Rayder walks up to Scruff and points at O’Connor arguing. Scruff shrugs and watches~
Smith: Any minute now…
Hood: Until?
Smith: Scruff begins his count
Hood: I like that he’s giving Mack time to find ‘himself’
Smith: Seriously?
Hood: Yes, Mack is lost without alcohol running through his veins
~O’Connor’s search continues to fail. He spots a very trashy looking woman. She seems inebriated. He saddles up next to her and tells an obvious lie about how ‘classy’ she looks. She lifts her cup and Mack sniffs. He smiles and takes it from her. Most of the white rim is stained with her awful pink lipstick. There is, however, one safe haven. He tilts the cup back and allows a good portion of the contaminated cola to flow down his throat. He hands it back and smiles. Rayder shakes his head and rolls his eyes…he runs into the corner nearest Mack and hops onto the top turnbuckle. He turns his back and leaps off. Mack turns around and is met with Rayder’s body!! Rayder lands right on top of him with a moonsault! They crash into the barricade as the fans go wild~
Smith: Well…sometimes you’ve got to speed the process up yourself and that’s exactly what Robbie Rayder did
Hood: Total party foul, man. You at least wait until the guy has swallowed his drink before attacking him…what a bitch move
Smith: To my knowledge the bell had already sounded…this is all Mack’s fault
Hood: Still…when a man is wooing a slutty whore and drinking from her cup…you give him the proper amount of time, post swallow, before attacking
Smith: And how long is that?
Hood: Depends on the strength of the drink and the appearance of the woman…so, in that case, I would say about 90 seconds.
~Rayder is on his feet, holding his midsection. O’Connor slides onto his back, looking directly into the lights. The trashy lady fights her way near him and yells words of encouragement. Rayder slides into the ring. Scruff yells “FOUR!” She turns her cup over and pours the rest of the beverage into his open mouth. Mack drinks it and sits up. He gets to his feet and slides into the ring. Rayder throws a kick, but O’Connor catches his foot! He shoves back…Rayder does a back flip and lands on his feet…he is immediately run over with a clothesline from Mack~
Smith: And there’s the veteran awareness by the OCW Savage Champion
Hood: Don’t underestimate the power of alcohol
Smith: Seriously? Has that stuff even had an opportunity to affect him?
Hood: You ever see Popeye and spinach? Shit happens INSTANTLY
~Mack picks Rayder up and hoists him onto his shoulders. He heads into the corner and places Rayder across the top, face down. Mack balls up his fists and he starts to punch Rayder repeatedly into the ribs. Rayder’s body writhes with each strike. There is a loud “SMACK” after each punch. After several, Mack takes a step back and he kicks Rayder in the gut. He then hoists Rayder onto his shoulders and drives him, head first into the mat with a DVD~
Smith: Vicious series by Mack O’Connor…you have to wonder if Robbie Rayder doesn’t have a few bruised or possibly broken ribs
Hood: I’d say all of them
Smith: I don’t think it was that brutal
Hood: Mack knows how to throw a punch. He knocked Rocky out
Smith: He did not!
~Rayder is flattened out. Mack takes his boot and stomps it into Rayder’s face in a calculated, vicious manner. Rayder covers up rolls onto his stomach. Mack grabs his legs and lifts him into a wheel barrow position…he then flips Rayder backward…Rayder grabs Mack’s head and drops him with a stunner!! Mack stumbles back and falls through the ropes as the crowd gets behind the smaller, underdog~
Smith: And that’s what is so dangerous when facing Robbie Rayder…he’s got such great stamina, resiliency, and athleticism that the match can turn on his opponent at any moment
Hood: You make this guy sound like he’s unbeatable or something…you make him sound like he’s…MAX SHADE
Smith: I’d certainly like to see that rematch
Hood: You know who wouldn’t?
Smith: Who?
Hood: Robbie Rayder!
Smith: I think he’d argue that point
~Rayder holds his ribs, seated in the center of the ring. Mack is seated up against the barricade, opposite from where he ventured previously. He’s holding the back of his head, wincing. A loud voice yells, “SCUSE ME, MACK, BABY, YOU OKAY?’ It’s the trashy woman…she’s worked her way to the other side of the ring with more liquor in her cup~
Smith: We might need to get security out here
Hood: Is that PEACHES?
Smith: You mean Diane
Hood: No way man, Peaches
Smith: I guess it’s irrelevant and, no, that’s not her
Hood: Damn…well, you’ve got to give it to Mack, he knows how to attract a certain kind of woman
Smith: That’s what happens when you hang in bars most of your life
~Mack looks up and spots the very trashy, unattractive woman. He mouths ‘what the fuck’ and is about to tell her off…until he gets a whiff of what’s in her cup. He stands and takes it from her, downing a good portion. He hands it back and she smiles. Mack turns around and sees Rayder about to jump over the top with a Plancha…Rayder flies over the top rope and Mack catches him!! Mack then charges toward the ring post and bends Rayder’s back against the post. He casually tosses Rayder aside as he takes a seat on the top step and rubs the back of his head~
Smith: That’s why those moves are high risk
Hood: You can definitely tell Mack has slayed his share of hefty babes
Smith: How’s that?
Hood: Fat chicks always want to pretend that they aren’t, ya know, fat…so they’ll do dumb shit like jump into your arms. Judging by how Mack caught Rayder…he’s well versed in the art of catching two hundred plus pounders.
Smith: And how would you know so much about that?
Hood: Please…stop with the insinuations. If a woman that size jumped at me, I’d be crippled
Smith: Good point
~Rayder staggers to his feet and leans against the barricade. Mack sighs and slides off the steps as though he’s being inconvenienced. He walks over to Rayder and punches him in the gut. He then smacks Rayder in the side of the face with a right hand. Rayder falls to the floor. Mack grabs him by the hair and drags him to the steps. He slams him face first into the stairs. Scruff yells and hops through the ropes. Mack argues that he’s the Savage champion…Scruff argues that this isn’t a Savage rules match~
Smith: All this unnecessary argumentation isn’t doing Aire Rayder any favors
Hood: Seriously, if you’re the Savage champion you should be allowed to wrestle SAVAGELY
Smith: Not how it works
Hood: That’s bullshit…so this guy is supposed to just turn it on and off like that?
Smith: A little extra is always asked of champions. If they can’t handle it, they should drop the belt
~Mack slightly shoves Scruff aside. Scruff threatens to DQ him. Mack ignores Scruff and drags Rayder over the steps. He moves forward and tosses Rayder into another set of steps!! Rayder flies into them with his back slamming right up against the side of the steps. O’Connor hustles over and picks Rayder up…he hoists him over his shoulder and SLAMS him into the top portion of the steps. Rayder lays there, wincing in pain. Mack kicks him in the back of the head…he lunges forward and falls to the ground on the other side of the steps. Casually, Mack walks over the steps, standing all the way across from where he originally caught Rayder~
Smith: Mack O’Connor is becoming very familiar with the ring and its surroundings
Hood: He’s a man of the people, Smith. He’s just giving them an up close and personal examination of his talent.
Smith: That or he’s testing Scruff
Hood: Sucks for Scruff…I hear he’s never passed a test in his life!
~Mack yanks Rayder to his feet and slams him, face first into the apron. “HEY MACK BABY” sounds out. He turns and spots the trashy woman with more liquor. He grabs the cup and finishes what’s inside. He tosses the cup aside and waves her away saying “Alright, enough, it’s getting a little creepy.” She takes it like a champ. Probably knowing he’ll be pretty buzzed before too long and might rethink his decision. Mack turns around and is kicked in the gut by Rayder!! Rayder follows that up with a codebreaker on the outside!! Mack’s body snaps back against the barricade. Rayder stumbles to his feet and rolls in under the bottom rope. Scruff is already back inside the squared circle and he begins to count~
Smith: Mack’s adoring fan and quasi bartender got him in trouble
Hood: Fucking women…behind the collapse of every great man stands a stupid woman
Smith: That is NOT true
Hood: Oh yes it is…but considering you’ve never been great, you wouldn’t understand
~Scruff yells out “SIX!” Mack gets to his feet and leans against the barricade. Scruff yells “SEVEN!” The trashy lady sneaks in and kisses his ear. Mack turns around like “What the fuck?!” sees the hideous creature, turns back around and sprints for the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. Rayder stomps on Mack’s head, preventing him from standing~
Smith: A man can always find motivation…even in the most painful of circumstances
Hood: And there is no motivation greater than escaping the loving embrace of an ugly woman
Smith: You’re not wrong there
~Rayder grabs O’Connor by the head and tosses him, rudely into a corner. He throws kicks into O’Connor’s midsection. He jumps into the air and knees O’Connor in the head. He throws Mack out of the corner. Mack falls to his knees, near the center of the ring. Rayder leaps onto the top buckle and waits for Mack to stand up. Rayder jumps off with what appears to be a Double Axe Handle…we’ll never know as Mack DRILLS him in the face with a stiff right hand!! Rayder’s body goes limp as he falls to the mat~
Smith: I think Rayder might need to see the dentist after that one
Hood: Or The Knife Man
Smith: OUCH….no thanks
~Mack staggers, shaking the boozed and battered brain of his around. He focuses back on Rayder and grabs him by his long, wet hair. He hooks him with both arms, lifts Rayder up and slams him into the mat with Claymore!! O’Connor covers him as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…the OCW Savage Champion…MACK O’CONNOR!!!!!
Smith: Wow, that match turned quickly
Hood: The power of a good punch, Smith. Mack knows how to throw and he popped Rayder right in the face. There is good news for Robbie Rayder fans, though
Smith: What’s that?
Hood: He’s so damn ugly that the punch can’t possibly make him look any worse
Smith: Totally uncalled for…Rayder defeated Chad Vargas last week and he gave Mack a run for his money this week until a high risk mistake cost him
Hood: Yea, I guess
Smith: Great win for Mack…tough loss for Rayder, but I have no doubt Robbie will be back in good form soon
Hood: Sure, sure
Smith: The night is still young as a lot has yet to be determined. Let's head backstage to see what's going on!
~Backstage two specific wrestling boots come into view, black ones with gray swirling designs akin to smoke. They swiftly stride along the hallway, clear on the destination, passing other legs as the cameras slowly pan up the wrestler. Black pants greet us, clenched fists, black leather jacket that sways just enough to give us a glimpse of a bare stomach. Panning from the figure completely, The Incredible One is busy arguing with a backstage worker about something trivial. There is a bellow that sounds like a feral animal announcing an attack before MJ Bell lunges into view. She spears TIO into some tables sending the contents scattering across the scene, cracking one in half, the other to the side and scaring away the workers. Rolling from the rubble MJ is the first to get up, breathing heavily. TIO groans curses that would make a sailor blush, meanwhile MJ disappears from view once again giving him enough time to begin to stand. A chair sails through the air smacking TIO’s face sending him stumbling~
MJ Bell: C’MON! FIGHT BACK FROM A BLIND SIDE!
~The inhuman sound of her voice remains as MJ comes back swinging a steel chair wildly. It uppercuts OCW’s Paradigm Champion sending a spray of blood and saliva. TIO staggers against the wall and MJ swings again knocking him down once again. His voice is too low to catch what he says~
MJ Bell: What’s wrong Mister Incredible?! HUH?!
~Raising the chair up into the above her head she swings down but TIO lifts his arm just in time to block it. With force the chair springs from her hand clattering away. Blood drips from the Paradigm Champion’s mouth when he tackles MJ to the floor to strike back. He wildly punches the downed woman but she is seeing complete red lifting to headbutt him with force. Their bodies roll her knee pinning one of his arms down while grabbing for the chair. The headrest of the chair jabs into his throat causing TIO to thrash beneath her. MJ applies pressure but how much is unclear. She leans forward saying something that is too quiet to be understood. Then a whole crew of security arrives commanding MJ to get off of TIO. Still breathing heavily she finally standing up then slams the chair straight down allowing it to lay over his face. Both hands lift in the air in surrender as MJ slowly walks away out of frame. Cameras pan closer to watch as medical staff rushes to check on TIO...we cut back to ringside~
Smith: What’s the old saying?
Hood: Which one…there are, like, a million of them.
Smith: Hell hath no fury…
Hood: Like a January 1st hangover?
Smith: A WOMAN SCORNED
Hood: Oh, that one. Yea, well, MJ is pretty upset…not sure why. I mean she needs to take responsibility for her failures.
Smith: TIO SCREWED her out of the OCW Title last week…we all saw it.
Hood: I doubt MJ Bell saw it. Probably had to watch a recorded version to know what happened
Smith: Right…well she’s finally fighting back and I’m glad to see it. You can’t let people walk all over you…can’t let them commit such a heinous act and get away with it.
Hood: Yea, good for her…but her insurance rate just went up because TIO won’t let this pass. He’s going to seek retribution.
Smith: You may be right…but something tells me the two time champion has another trick up her sleeve.
Hood: I guess…maybe a new hair color
Smith: You’re ridiculous…anyway folks…a vicious attack from our former champion. She seems to be in a dangerous mood this evening which is bad news for the other five participants in the Process of Elimination Match.
Hood: Is that next?
Smith: Not yet...next up we have the rookie, Ruby Rose...who won her debut match last week against the Jade Spritz who also won her debut match one week ago
Hood: Rose against Spritz...sounds like one heck of a match to me!
Smith: Indeed...let's head down to ringside!
Jade Spritz (1-0) vs. Ruby Rose(1-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall!
~”Lola Montez” by Volbeat begins to play. The crowd boos, slightly. Most of them are probably alcoholics, given what Jade Spritz did to that top shelf dirty martini one week earlier. She steps through the curtain and walks with great presence and an elevated attitude. Fans nearby frown and give her a thumb down. She doesn’t care. She reaches the steps, ascends each one, walks across the apron and slowly enters through the ropes teasing the super horny, sex starved male fans~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Cleveland, Ohio…standing 5’10 and weighing in at 170lbs…Jade Spritz!!!
~"Hello" by Karmin pumps through the speakers as Ruby Rose struts her way out, popping her hip and flipping her hair as she swivels her way into a sideways stance at the top of the stage. Her head appears to be all healed up from the attack last Monday. She greets the fans with a bright, cheery smile and performs a little dip before skipping her way down to the ring. She interrupts her skip long enough to slap a few outstretched hands on her way. Hustling up the ring steps, she ducks into the ring under the middle rope and repeats her stage pose in the center of the ring.~
Belvedere: And her opponent, from Rose, Nebraska…standing 5’1 and weighing in at 110lbs…Ruby Rose!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: This should be fun…
Hood: Why? Because two women are in there? Sexist pig!
Smith: I’m not the one with that issue...I’m just anxious to see who comes out victorious. They both debuted last week…they both put in dominating performances…so this week, one will rise above the other and vault themselves up the OCW ladder.
Hood: Yea, it’s a big match, sure. And seeing as it’s a big match, I’ve got to go with the normal sized person
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Jade, she’s normal sized…that other one, the flower…she’s like a midget, right? Or at least a really tall dwarf?
Smith: She is not! She’s perfectly normal sized
Hood: If you say so
~Spritz looks across the ring at Rose. She calmly heads toward the center of the ring and begins speaking. We can’t hear what she’s saying but it seems didactic in nature. Rose rolls her eyes, shaking her head after every word~
Smith: I think Jade Spritz is trying to offer Ruby Rose some womanly advice
Hood: That blonde is OUT? She needs to become a brunette?
Smith: No
Hood: Or…maybe go ORANGE…we all know orange hair color on the women around here equates to a major push.
Smith: Ah, nice to know the orange hair jokes aren’t completely extinct
~Rose walks toward Spritz and aggressively shoves her face to the side. Spritz tries to remain calm. She rotates her head back facing Rose. She holds her hands up, attempting to diffuse the situation. Carefully, she removes the hair from her face. As she does, Rose begins assaulting her with forearms to the jaw!! Spritz staggers back with each strike doing considerable damage. Spritz finally finds a corner to keep her from falling. Rose doesn’t stop, she repeatedly lands some forearms into Jade’s face, releasing some pent up aggression~
Smith: Ruby Rose is teeing off on Jade Spritz
Hood: She’s DOING what on Jade?
Smith: TEEING, TEEING OFF
Hood: Oh, okay, whew
Smith: My goodness, pay attention man!
~Rose delivers one final forearm. Spritz is hanging from the top ropes, hunched forward. Rose does a back flip, she lands on her feet and charges in with a spear!! She takes a few steps back and watches as Spritz falls face first onto the mat~
Smith: Ruby Rose is fierce
Hood: Must be why CJ likes her
Smith: Okay, can we just get this out of the way…we all know Ruby is dating CJ. So can we just focus on the in ring action, please?
Hood: I’d like to in ring her action
Smith: GEEZ
~Rose hops onto the middle rope and waits for Spritz to stand. Spritz finally gets to her feet and turns around. Rose leaps off with a cross body and connects!! She takes Spritz down, landing on top of her. Rose is quickly to her feet, crouching in another corner, waiting for Spritz to return to her feet~
Smith: Ruby Rose is crouching in that corner, poised to further her attack on Jade
Hood: I’d like to crouch in her corner
Smith: Stop it, now!
~Sprits stands and turns around. Rose charges in throwing a spinning heel kick. Spritz ducks! Rose misses and gives her back to Jade. Jade knees Rose in the back. Rose staggers into the ropes, bounces off and in one fluid motion Jade hooks Rose around the waist and lifts her up, tossing Rose over her head with a Release German Suplex~
Smith: Nice move by Jade Spritz who enjoys quite the size advantage in this match
Hood: I’d like to size her advantage
Smith: That doesn’t even make any sense!
Hood: I’d like to make her sense
Smith: Can we cut his mic off?
~Sprits grabs Ruby’s thick, blonde hair and pulls her to her feet. She slaps Ruby in the face and whips her into a corner. Ruby hits hard. Jade charges in and squashes Ruby with a splash. Jade grabs Ruby by the chin and yells at her, it appears she’s angry at Ruby for not taking her advice…listening to her words of wisdom. Jade then blasts Ruby in the face with a backhanded slap. Ruby falls to the side, landing on the middle rope…she leans over the middle rope, with her arms dangling outside the ring~
Smith: You should always respect your elders
Hood: I’d like to respect her elders
Smith: Gross
Hood: I…I…dude, could you give me more than one word?
~Sprits runs across the ring, she hits the ropes, bounces off and jumps at Rose’s head. Rose moves out of the way and Spritz flies out of the ring, landing awkwardly on the outside. Rose sits in the corner for a moment, gathering her composure and she rolls out under the bottom rope. She stomps away on the body of Spritz with the nearby fans cheering Ruby on. “What up RUBY!” one over eager male shouts. Ruby blocks out all the noise, continuing to stomp on the taller, older Jade~
Smith: Ruby is quite popular with the fan base. Only one match in and she’s already won the younger audience over.
Hood: I’d like to win her over
Smith: Everyone, just ignore the MORON to my left
Hood: I’d like to moron her left
~Ruby grabs Jade by the hair and slaps her in the face a few times. Jade’s head jerks to the right after one of the slaps and she spots the steps nearby. She reaches up, grabs the waist band of Rose’s shorts and pulls forward. Rose falls face first into the steps with a loud THUD! The fans ringside boo. A few of the men look very worried. Jade sits up against the ringside cloth with a smile, she points to her head~
Smith: Jade Spritz is older and, some might say wiser. She used her awareness there to gain control of this match.
Hood: I’d like to control her match
Smith: I…I really need a raise. These working conditions are impossible
Hood: I’d like to give HER a raise
~Spritz gets to her feet and grabs Ruby’s legs. She flips Ruby onto her back and hooks her for a Swing. Jade spins around before eventually slamming Ruby into the ring apron!! She holds on, leans back and catapults Ruby right into the steel ring post!! Ruby’s head ‘pings’ against the post as she falls backward, apparently knocked out~
Smith: That’s the same spot where the ‘anonymous’ assailant hit Ruby last week
Hood: I’d like to anonymous her assailant
Smith: Really? What if the assailant is a man?
Hood: *no comment*
~Spritz stands over Rose and sort of toys with her head a little bit using her foot. One fan yells out “What are you doing??” Spritz ignores the fan and bends over, she leans in an gives Ruby a kiss on the forehead. The same fan can barely contain himself “WHOOOAAAAA!!!” Jade positions her legs on each side of Ruby. She runs her hands down her body, to her legs and does some sultry hip movements. It’s either uncomfortable or erotic…depending upon your sexual preferences. Jade then, out of nowhere, kicks her legs out and drops her ass right into Ruby’s abdomen! The fans cringe with that one excited fan shaking his head, “I did not see that coming!”~
Smith: I’m not sure what that was…but it appeared to work.
Hood: I’ll not your sure
Smith: Really reaching now
Hood: You’d like me to reach, wouldn’t you?
Smith: Eww
~Jade grabs Ruby by the hair and tosses her into the ring. Scruff yells “FIVE!” Seems like it was a long five seconds, but that’s okay. Jade hops onto the apron and heads toward the nearest corner. Rose is on the mat, not moving. Jade climbs to the top and leaps off with an elbow. It connects!!! She goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Near fall after Jade connected with a flying elbow!
Hood: I’d like to el her bow
Smith: Wow this…this really doesn’t stop, does it?
Hood: All night long, man…allllll night long
~Jade sits up. She doesn’t look angry or upset, more intrigued. He runs her hand down Ruby’s face…then her neck. Before she reaches any lower, she grabs one of the straps to Ruby’s top and drags her to all fours. Jade is on her feet. She lets go of Ruby’s attire and begins to kick her in the ribs. After three kicks Ruby flips over onto her back. Jade hits the ropes, bounces off and performs a senton, driving her back into Ruby’s stomach. She goes for another pin~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: Jade can’t keep the rookie down!
Hood: I’d like to keep her down
Smith: Hey, that one wasn’t bad
Hood: I’d like to bad your one
Smith: Instantly followed up by your worst one yet
~Jade smiles and returns to her feet. She grabs Ruby by the hair, pulling Rose to her feet. She talks down to Ruby saying things like, “You should listen to me.” She hooks her for a Twist of Fate. Ruby knees Jade in the gut before she can get the move started. She hooks Jade’s head and releases her own…she then drops Jade with a Swinging Neck Breaker! The crowd cheers~
Smith: And Ruby Rose has claimed the upper hand!
Hood: I’d like to up her hand
Smith: Right
Hood: I’d like to right her left
Smith: Hey, that’s not fair!
~Both competitors are on the mat. Jade stirs first…Rose is still worn from the damage inflicted. Jade gets to her feet and shakes her head, holding her neck. She focuses back on Ruby. Ruby gets to her feet…Jade charges in. Ruby tries to jump over Jade…Jade catches Ruby and drops her with a Spinebuster!~
Smith: Wicked spinebuster by Jade Spritz! Just when it looked like Ruby was going to take control the older, wiser Jade Spritz turns the tables
Hood: I’d like to bust her spine. Turn her table.
Smith: I really need to say less
~Jade remains on her knees and looks at Ruby’s body. We can see strange thoughts scrolling through Jade’s mind. She crawls on top of Ruby’s body and comes face to face with the unconscious Rose. She grabs her by the hair and sits up, much to the dismay of perverts with premium programming. Once she’s got Ruby on her feet, Jade hooks her for the Femme Fatale yet again. Ruby breaks free and throws a forearm into Jade’s face! She transitions seamlessly from the forearm blast into a head lock…she then drives Ruby’s face into the mat with a bulldog!! The fans get louder with several “RUBY!” chants breaking out~
Smith: She’s got spunk!
Hood: I’d like to…
Smith: NO! Too much of a lay up
Hood: I’d like to lay her up
~Ruby gets to her feet. She falls into the ropes. Her adrenaline is keeping her standing but not very well. She’s taken quite a beating. Jade rolls onto her back, holding her face. Ruby looks down at Jade, disgusted. She rushes for the ropes…she jumps onto the middle rope and leaps off with a moonsault. Jade lifts her knees into Ruby’s gut!!! Ruby rolls around the ring holding her abdomen, kicking her legs in pain. The crowd quiets~
Smith: Every time Ruby mounts a comeback Jade stops her in her tracks
Hood: I’d like to mount her back
Smith: You better watch it…
~Jade gets to her feet. She is finally starting to appear angry. She charges at Ruby, who is kneeling over…she kicks Ruby in the head. Ruby flips onto her back, sprawled out. Jade stands in the corner and looks out to the crowd, smiling. She appears to have an idea. She heads over for Ruby~
Smith: What is she going to do? What does she have planned?
Hood: I’d like to have her planned
Smith: I’m sure you would
~Jade picks Ruby up and leans in. She gives Ruby a soft kiss on the lips. The fans ‘woooo’. Ruby is, at first, unconscious. She finally realizes what’s going on. Her eye brows turn in…her eyes open and she shoves Jade away. Jade smiles and plays with her lip. Ruby grabs the back of Jade’s head and knees her in the face!! She hooks Jade’s head and drops her to the mat with a Jumping Swinging Implant DDT!!! Ruby covers Jade as the crowd goes wild~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…RUBY ROSE!!!!!
Smith: Wow! I guess you don’t take advantage of Ruby Rose…she wasn’t having any of that!
Hood: I’d like to have her that
Smith: Focus on the match, man! This Ruby Rose is a rookie in the sport and has already won her first two matches in OCW. She could be a serious contender.
Hood: Alright, I’ll stop. But only because I didn’t feel like doing something with contender.
Smith: Whatever works
Hood: Yea, she’s fucking talented, I’ll give her that. And now that the assailant has other targets…she can focus on her fucking career, ya know?
Smith: Indeed….Josie Barnes is apparently the person under surveillance by this unnamed, assassin
Hood: WHOA…are you saying it’s Assassin?
Smith: No, not our Assassin…just an assassin, in general
Hood: Okay, I was about to say…our Assassin isn’t near that sneaky
Smith: Right…well folks, Ruby Rose impressed greatly in her second match and I’m sure she’ll continue her ascension through the ranks. For now, however, let’s head backstage!
~Inside the back office, the Eastern European is shuffling some papers around and fretting about something.~
Eastern European: The heat of being set fire is terrible thing. Maybe he change his mind? I hope...I hope.
~Before he can get too far from his desk, a security staffer enters the office. Eastern European sighs and throws his hands in the air.~
Eastern European: Is there nothing of the privacy? What is your malfunction of the majors?
Security Guard: Sir, did you have a meeting with someone named "Mammalsauce"?
Eastern European: Why would I order the food that has sauce of the mammals on it? Tell them to send it back!
~The security guard listens to something on the other side of the door. He then turns around and speaks to Eastern European again.~
Security Guard: He says you might know him as "Andrew Silverston"?
Eastern European: Oh, oh, yes, the man who did the hitting of Shady Max! Why is he bringing sauce of mammals with him? No matter, send him in. Let's get this with the over.
~The security guard sighs and opens the door wider. Mammalsauce comes bursting into the room. He makes a beeline for the alarmed Eastern European, grabs his hand, and starts shaking it vigorously.~
Mammalsauce: Hey, hello! Oh man it is SO good to meet you, SO good! I'm very excited to be a dynamic enabler of success at your company! We gonna have so much synergy and make paradigms and all that stuff, yo! Operational efficiency! So when do I start?
~Mammalsauce is still shaking Eastern European's hand. Eastern European grits his teeth and yanks his hand away suddenly.~
Eastern European: OK, OK, that is quite the enough of the shaking to death of the hands! This is not the interview of the job! I have been asked by Marcus Welsh to give you the tryout of matches, that is the all! You only need to put your signature of the name on this paper of contract!
~Mammalsauce crosses his arms and cocks an eyebrow.~
Mammalsauce: That's all I gotta do? You ain't gonna ask for my references?
Eastern European: You have the references?
Mammalsauce: Naw man, but I spent all night workin' on an excuse for why I don't have any. You see, I have this security lock box in Sweden that got hit by a sharknado, and-
Eastern European: I am not the caring! Just be signing of the waiver and we will be giving you the match of tryouts next week!
Mammalsauce: A'ight, fair enough. You got a pen?
Eastern European: Yes, here.
~Mammalsauce takes the pen, then leans over the desk. He then pauses for a few seconds, then looks around. Eastern European starts to look nervous.~
Eastern European: What is it now?
Mammalsauce: I seen rasslin before. Ain't this the part where some dude tries to slam me through this desk?
Eastern European: You have got to be the kidding.
Mammalsauce: Because yo, I'll put THAT mu'fugga through the desk first.
Eastern European: Nobody is to put you through my desk!
Mammalsauce: Why not? Why you treating me different? I mean, I ain't tryin' to say y'all are racist or nothin', but...
Eastern European: IS NOT THE RACISM! JUST SIGN!
Mammalsauce: OK, OK, fine, y'know what? This is bullshit. I ain't signin' shit unless someone tries to attack me.
Eastern European: Andrew...
Mammalsauce: I mean, I stayed up ALL NIGHT practicing for this, okay? First you don't want to hear why I ain't got references, now I can't even get ganked by-
Eastern European: NOBODY CAN DO THE ATTACKING OF YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN SIGNING OF THE WAIVER YET!!!
~Mammalsauce blinks a few times. Then he hooks his jaw and tilts his head to one side.~
Mammalsauce: Y'know, I ain't wanna say nothin' before, but you kinda talk funny. Are you like autistic or something?
Eastern European: Okay, this is such a wasting of my times...
~Eastern European reaches for the waiver, which Mammalsauce snatches away really quickly.~
Mammalsauce: Whoa whoa, find your chill, mush-mouth, I'll sign it! Hold up!
~Mammalsauce signs the document swiftly and hands it to Eastern European. EE reads it over, then smiles.~
Eastern European: All this appears to be in the row of ducks. Now you can be the attacked. Does this make you the happy?
Mammalsauce: Yeah, man, I am the happy. See you next week!
Eastern European: Sure.
~Eastern European then snaps his fingers. The security guard steps forward and puts Mammalsauce in a rear naked choke and begins dragging him out of the office. Mammalsauce struggles to get free but this guy's a total pro. Eastern European sighs and sits back down at his desk, but not before hearing a shout from outside the office, followed by some SLAMMING sounds and a few crashes. Two seconds later, Mammalsauce pokes his head back into the office.~
Mammalsauce: That security dude had a waiver too, right?
~Eastern European sighs and buries his face in his hands as the scene fades back to the announce table~
Smith: Well, Mammalsauce got what he wanted
Hood: Fuck...why did I sign the waiver? That means people can attack me
Smith: Hey, I signed one too
Hood: Okay, cool...so the next time some ego-maniacal sadistic sociopath comes out here...I'll just point to you
Smith: That's not very nice, Hood. But back to Mammalsauce...he's strange...he appears to be a complete waste of time...yet, his athleticism can't be denied.
Hood: It all starts with talent, Smith. If you don't have talent, you can't do shit. Guy has the athletic ability to be a fucking star...now he just needs to get his head on straight...or not, psychos seem to do well around here.
Smith: Indeed they do...I for one am intrigued for his debut which, I assume will take place next week
Hood: Why wouldn't it? This guy wanted to be attacked before he signed...you think he's gonna be happy if he doesn't have a match next Monday? Mammalsauce should not be kept waiting
Smith: I can't argue that...well, next up we've got our handicap match between Deluxxx and CJ...hold on, what's that? I'm told something is going on backstage! Let's take a look!
~ The camera fades backstage and you see "The Distinguished" CJ O'Donnell putting the boots to Depth on the floor whom is laying against the wall. ~
CJ O'Donnell: You thought it was fucking funny what happened to Ruby Rose last week. You wanted to laugh right. Look who is laughing now. You son of a bitch!
Hood: It looks like CJ has snapped.
Smith: Yeah he seems to have been under some added pressure.
Hood: He was not happy about what happened last Massacre after Ruby's debut here.
~ CJ laughs out loud before he gets attacked from behind by Shootah who begins to club him from behind. Shootah begins to punch CJ in the midsection. Shootah grabs the arm of CJ and irish whips him into the vending machine. Shootah then helps Depth up to his feet. Shootah looks at Depth and asks him if he is good. Depth nods as Shootah goes charging forward but CJ sees it coming and leaps over the head Shootah. Shootah stops inches short of hitting the vending machine. Depth and CJ are slugging it out before CJ pokes Depth in the eye and then wraps his arms underneath Depth and connects with an overhead Belly to Belly Suplex on Depth who flies into Shootah. ~
Hood: CJ looks like he is a lot more focused tonight.
Smith: Wouldn't you be? Someone attack his woman.
Hood: My money is still on Josie Barnes.
Smith: She wasn't even in Key West.
Hood: Who was her alibi?
Smith: Does it matter?
Hood: You are damn right it does.
~ As both Shootah and Depth are slumped against the vending machine an evil grin appears on the face of The Distinguished One. CJ takes a few steps back before he gets a running start and leaps in the air connecting with his left leg in the jaw of Shootah and his right leg connects with the bridge of the nose of Depth. CJ rolls backwards. ~
Hood: What would you call that move?
Smith: Maybe Irish Knowledge Squared?
Hood: That works but look at the bride of Depth's nose?
~ As the camera zooms in you see the bridge of Depth's nose gushing out with blood. CJ doesn't let up and begins to drive his right elbow into the open wound. ~
Smith: CJ is like a shark hunting his prey.
Hood: Well a lot of people have said he is the weakest link of The Aptitude.
Smith: That's bullshit. They are all equal.
Hood: They are but CJ is the only one with a blemish on his record.
~ Shootah is coming too and grabs the right arm of CJ from hitting Depth's nose again but he gets a closed left fist to his temple for trying to help his partner. CJ stands up and looks down at both Depth and Shootah and just drives his right knee into the sternum of Depth who instantly falls to the concrete holding his chest. CJ then picks up Shootah by his hair and sends him to the cold hard concrete floor with a German Suplex. Shootah clutching the back of his head as CJ sits up with a faraway look in his eyes. ~
Smith: The Distinguished Plex on Shootah and that look like it hurt. Is this even a legal match?
Hood: Your guess is as good as mine.
Smith: CJ is just absolutely dismantling Deluxxx here tonight.
Hood: This is a thing of beauty. It almost is like someone took old yeller outside and is going to put him out of his misery. This is like the climax of the movie.
~ CJ stands up, Puff accidently bumps into him and CJ grabs him by his referee shirt. ~
CJ O'Donnell: You busy?
~Puff nods his head from side to side symbolizing no. ~
CJ O'Donnell: Good. You are the ref for this match.
Hood: I guess this match is legal now.
Smith: Good old Scruff being in the right place at the right time.
~ CJ picks up Depth by his greasy hair as he was starting to make his up to his feet and wraps his arm around the head of him before he drops him with a DDT into the groin area of Shootah who lets out a scream like an accapella singer. CJ picks up Depth for good measure and body slams him on top of his tag team partner, Shootah. CJ then places his foot on top of Depth. ~
CJ O'Donnell: Puff do your job and count the three ... NOW!
~ Puff shrugs his shoulders and drops to get into position for the count ... ~
1!
2!!
3!!!
~ CJ raises his arms in victory as Puff continues to walk down the hall going about whatever he was doing before O'Donnell stopped him. ~
Hood: CJ O'Donnell showed a mean side that we have never seen before from him.
Smith: Yeah well I guess they poked the bear enough and this match was putting everyone on alert.
Hood: He sure did.
~ CJ looks down at Depth and Shootah one more time before he walks out of the cameras view. As you see OCW medical staff come into the camera to check on Deluxxx's condition. We cut back to a shot of Hood and Smith~
Smith: Well, that was a statement
Hood: Yep…he’s letting Josie Barnes know that you don’t fuck with his woman
Smith: Josie Barnes was CLEARED…and, besides…what does she have to do with Deluxxx?
Hood: Rumor has it she’s going to star in their next film
Smith: I don’t believe that for one second!
Hood: Hey, I’m just telling you what Shootah told me
Smith: Consider the source, Hood. Consider the source…well folks, CJ couldn’t wait for an official match so he took his frustrations out early on both Depth and Shootah. The man looks focused. Now, let’s head backstage!
~The Knife Man is getting a good luck at the welt on Josie’s head. He hands her an ice pack. She accepts it. He turns around quickly and gashes the bag…ice spills everywhere. She yelps and he instantly apologizes~
The Knife Man: I am so sorry, ma’am! How clumsy of me. I will get this cleaned up immediately.
Josie Barnes: No, that’s okay. I’ll take care of it myself. You’ve been a big help.
~We’re not sure if The Knife Man has been a big help or if Josie is just really sweet. The Knife Man hands her a bottle of pills. She’s about to exit when Jones pops in~
Jones: Miss Barnes…sorry to sneak up on you like this. But I was wondering if you were able to get a look at your assailant?
Josie Barnes: No, I’m sorry. It all happened so fast and I was just so excited about my first win.
Jones: The hit…could it have been a kick?
Josie Barnes: I don’t know, maybe?
The Knife Man: Ah, the good, kind Jones. Why do you ask, sir? My patient here is a bit woozy and not in the mood for questioning.
Jones: Well, it’s just…and I’d like to keep this quiet. But an anonymous eyewitness has stepped forward and identified MJ Bell as the attacker. And, ya know, I was thinking it might have been The Burning Mage that hit Josie in the head.
The Knife Man: Good heavens! What a shock that would be. Miss Bell is nothing but a lady in my book. A darn fine one at that. I would be downright appalled if she did this.
~Cap Slock enters, dropping off some gauze~
Cap Slock: WELL HELLO EVERYONE
~Josie winces, grabbing her head~
The Knife Man: Captain…we’ve just heard the most shocking news.
Jones: No, don’t…not him…
The Knife Man: It appears MJ Bell might have been the attacker of poor Josie.
Cap Slock: MJ BELL ATTACKED JOSIE BARNES. WOW, WHAT A SHOCK. I FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE, LET ME TELL YOU.
Jones: Shhh…we’re trying to keep this quiet. It’s far from confirmed and last week…the rumor about poor Josie here really blew up in our faces.
Cap Slock: NO WORRY THERE. YOUR SECRET IS SAFE WITH ME. NOW, IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO TO THE LIBRARY. FOR SOME REASON MY MEMBERSHIP WAS CANCELLED.
~Cap Slock exits. Jones looks at The Knife Man, shaking his head. Josie is standing, awkwardly to the side. She appears ready to get the heck out of there~
The Knife Man: What?
Jones: You just had to tell him…the loudest mouth in the company
The Knife Man: I’m sorry, good, kind Jones. But I don’t keep secrets from the Captain. It wouldn’t do any good anyway. He can always read my face and tell when I’m withholding information.
Josie Barnes: If you’ll excuse me…I’m going to clean up and head home. It’s been a long night.
~Josie exits. Jones thinks for a moment~
Jones: Well, hopefully nobody heard him. Alright, I’m out of here…I’ve got to investigate this MJ Bell stuff before word gets out.
~Jones’ phone buzzes. The Knife Man’s phone buzzes half a second later. They check their phones. The screens read “BREAKING OCW NEWS: MJ BELL REPORTEDLY IDENTIFIED AS JOSIE BARNES ATTACKER” Jones looks up at The Knife Man. The Knife Man shrugs with his knife catching part of the doctor’s chair and ripping the leather open. Jones shakes his head and storms out. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Interesting turn of events...I think we can all come to a universal conclusion
Hood: That MJ Bell is attacking people left and right tonight! First it was The Incredible One and now...Josie Barnes...or, well, I guess FIRST it was Josie, then TIO
Smith: I was going to suggest that this 'anonymous source' is a liar and a charlatan
Hood: How dare you call anonymous source that...do you have any idea how brave it is to come out anonymously against MJ Bell? That Burning Mage is no joke...just ask Josie.
Smith: Whatever...we're going to get to the bottom of this. I'm sure MJ Bell will be vetted and cleared before the end of the week. A waste of time, in my opinion when the REAL attacker is on the loose
Hood: Speaking of MJ and her wicked assault on Josie and Ruby...doesn't she have a match tonight?
Smith: Indeed she does! The first ever Process of Elimination Match and it...is...next!
Process of Elimination Match
Iggy Hardy & MJ Bell & Robert Morbidus vs. Bob Grenier & Mark Storm & Rebel
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is a Process of Elimination Match!! It will start out as a six person tag match. The winning team will then go onto the second stage which will be a triple threat. The winner of that triple threat will be declared winner of the Process of Elimination Match!
~Eddie Van Halen's amazing fucking guitar rift controls the sound system, volume MAXED out as "Top of the World" by Van Halen plays, Iggy Hardy emerges from the darkness, hair and body soaked in water. His muscles ripple as he walks down the aisle, flexing his muscles and gyrating his hips to the Van Halen tune. He slaps a couple fans high five, he stops to the prettiest girl he finds and shoves his tongue down her throat. He saunters the rest of the way to the ring as he climbs the steps and enters the ring. He thrusts his hips at Belvedere, he then randomly does a handstand as he gears up for his match~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Hawk’s Bluff, North Carolina…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 245lbs…Iggy Hardy!!!
~The arena goes dark, then flashes blood red...Mr Judas then walks out first showing off his prodigy - Robert Morbidus. He walks through the curtain, looks around with absolute disdain at the audience. He then powers down to the ring, focused on the task at hand~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from The Other Side of Darkness…standing 6’6 and weighing in at 275lbs…”The True Living Vampire” Robert Morbidus!!!
~All the lights turn off leaving the arena in complete darkness. A voice is heard breaking the silence~
This world was being watched closely
By intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own.
~Drums begin to play as the darkness turns into a series of different colored lights that cast designs along the stage, audience and ramp like a kaleidoscope. From the back, MJ Bell walks out with a leather jacket on over her ring gear. She has her head dipped down, hands inside the pockets, as she stops at the mouth of the ramp tapping her foot to the music. MJ smirks, lifting her head up, raising both arms and yelling along with the song~
~Strutting forward the woman keeps her arms up before lowering them halfway down the ramp. Meanwhile the crowd chants “I’ll go,” to the tune of the music. MJ rushes to the ring jumping onto the apron then turning around with a smile. Her arms loop around one of the ropes as she glances about the crowd soaking up their reactions. MJ ducks beneath the ropes with a twist of her body turning into the ring. The chants continue when the question to asked once more. Finally, discarding the jacket she bounces back against a turnbuckle, stretching out each leg~
Belvedere: And their partner, from Paradise, Michigan…standing 5’5 and weighing in at 125lbs…she is a former two time OCW Champion and an OCW Hall of Famer…MJ Bell!!!
~Short Change Hero by The Heavy begins to play through the speakers and the lights in the arena simultaneously dim down. Smoke begins to rise from the top of the stage and appearing on the screen above are the following words~
~A massive pop ensues as emerging from the back is the self proclaimed "Prince of CHAOS", Mark Storm; who keeps himself composed as he stands at the top of the entrance ramp. He can't help but allow his sadistic signature smirk to appear upon his lips as he closes his eyes and spreads his arms out wide, soaking in the energy that the audience are giving him as they applaud and cheer~
Announcer: From New York, Brooklyn.. weighing in a two hundred and twenty pounds - Your Hero, and Mine.. MARRKKKK STORMMMMMM
~He begins his walk down the entrance ramp, with a leather coat completing his attire as he comes down the entrance ramp~
This ain't no place for no better man.
This ain't no place for no hero
To call "home."
~At this point, Storm is by the edge of the ring; allowing a smile to embed on his face before he jumps onto the apron and holds onto the ropes, using them to help himself up onto the turnbuckle. He's grinning from ear to ear, soaking in the rest of the cheers coming from the audience, shaking his head sideways as he lowers it, before jumping into the ring. Taking off his leather coat, he hands it to the ring announcer before walking over to his designated corner and hoisting himself up onto the second ropes, a smirk upon his lips as he holds his arms up; his theme song slowly diminishing~
Smith: Mark Storm looking great
Hood: HOLY shit...
Smith: What?
Hood: These entrances!
Smith: Relax, Hood…we only have two more to go…
~The lights around the arena turn to red as the opening strains of "Slow Me Down" by the Devin Townsend Band play out, the lights flicker red and white. The camera swoops down to the entrance to show the silhouette of a man, his back turned to the camera, with his left hand raised in a fist above his head, the lights all suddenly burst on as a huge explosion rocks the arena. Rebel rotates quickly, pumping his fist at his side as he does, he begins the walk down to the ring, reaching out periodically to shake hands with the fans. He jumps up onto the ring apron and turns quickly, his arms wrapped around the top rope, again he pumps his left fist in the air then hops over the top rope. He walks around the ring, his fist raised, then stops in the middle, a bank of red fireworks sweep across the side of the ring behind him.~
Belvedere: Coming down the aisle…from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’7 and weighing in at 240lbs…Rebel!!!
~Smart Went Crazy begins echoes throughout the arena and Bob Grenier makes his way out to a nice ovation. He slaps the hands of his fans while he mouths the words of the song to himself, about half way down the aisle he stops and looks up and throws both hands in the air in tribute to his deceased relatives. He looks directly into the OCW camera and then playfully turns it towards the audience before he slides under the bottom rope. The fans continue to cheer as he sits on the top turnbuckle silently awaiting his opponent~
Belvedere: And their tag team partner, from Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…Bob Grenier!!!
~All six competitors are in the ring as the bell sounds~
Smith: And it appears as though we are ready
Hood: FINALLY
Smith: Relax
Hood: Why can’t life have a fast forward button? Or why can’t we just bus these people into the ring like we do battle royals?
Smith: Entrances are a big part of this business….SOME people enjoy them
Hood: Yea, people from Louisiana, maybe
~Morbidus starts things off for his team. Rebel remains in the ring for his. MJ reaches for the tag rope…but Iggy grabs it first and nearly rips it completely off. MJ distances herself from Iggy. Storm and Grenier seem far more calm. Storm stomps his foot a little, shouting encouragement toward Rebel~
Smith: Morbidus and Rebel previously met in a triple threat a few months ago
Hood: Couple of big guys, for sure. One is a vampire and the other is a biker…I’m not sure who lives the more dangerous lifestyle
Smith: I hear Rebel wears a helmet
Hood: I think that’s a lie. No true Rebel would bike with a helmet on
~Morbidus and Rebel lock up. Both men work for leverage. Iggy yells “THROW HIM INTO THE FUCKING CROWD” Morbidus ignores the improbable advice. It distracts Rebel, slightly. Morbidus uses the distraction to shove Rebel into a corner. Scruff forces a break. Morbidus drives a knee into Rebel’s gut. He delivers a forearm uppercut, straightening Rebel up. He drives another knee into Rebel’s gut, doubling him over…the forearm uppercut follows once again, straightening him up. Morbidus then drives three shoulders into Rebel’s gut~
Smith: Brutal offense by The True Living Vampire
Hood: He probably thinks if he hits Rebel in the stomach enough he might puke blood
Smith: There are easier ways to go about getting blood from someone
Hood: Within the rules, Smith…he’s got Iggy Hardy on his team…he doesn’t want to piss him off by blatantly getting his team disqualified
~Morbidus hooks Rebel in a front face lock and drags him into the center of the ring. He goes for a swinging neck breaker…Rebel breaks free and runs into the ropes. He bounces off and Morbidus catches him with a clothesline!! Rebel staggers back into the ropes. Wisely, Morbidus walks toward Rebel and grabs him by the hair. Rebel leans in and head butts Morbidus!! Morbidus lets go and falls back. Rebel drills him with a clothesline of his own! Morbidus staggers and then straightens up, flashing his teeth at Rebel~
Smith: Well, that didn’t work
Hood: Dude needs to tattoo a crucifix on his arm or something…he’d have won the match right there!
Smith: Does it work that way?
Hood: How should I know? It’s not like I encounter vampires on a regular basis…shit, that weirdo in the ring is the first one I’ve seen in person.
~Rebel shrugs and drills Morbidus in the head with a forearm. Morbidus staggers back…he gets hit again and again, leaning into the ropes. Rebel whips him off the ropes…Morbidus stops in the middle of the ring and turns around…he gets drilled in the face with a big boot! He staggers into his corner. MJ Bell slaps him on the shoulder. She hops into the ring. Grenier yells “TAG ME!” Rebel points at Grenier and the fans go wild. He nods, heads into the corner and tags Bob. Morbidus exits the ring~
Smith: Two former OCW Champions about to square off, Hood!
Hood: MJ don’t want none of Bob…I can tell you that right now. He’s hungry, he needs a win…he probably smells
Smith: He doesn’t smell
Hood: Oh yes he does…smells like Canadian weed
Smith: I wouldn’t have any idea what that stuff smells like
Hood: Sure you do…it smells like Bob Grenier!
~Grenier and Bell circle one another. MJ is light on her toes as Bob keeps more of a solid base. They lock up. Bob backs MJ into the ropes. Scruff comes in looking for a break…Bob whips her off the ropes…she sprints across the ring, she bounces off the opposing ropes and ducks a clothesline. She hits the ropes again, bounces off and Bob turns around and catches her, spinning to the mat with a scoop slam! MJ arches her back in pain~
Smith: Great quickness displayed by OCW’s most famous Canadian
Hood: AHEM You’re forgetting our Paradigm Champion
Smith: I say Bob is more famous than TIO
Hood: You...you…you stop talking right now! TIO is the most famous Canadian in HISTORY
~Bob gets to his feet and he backs into the ropes…he bounces off and drops a leg across MJ’s throat. He pulls her up and whips her into the ropes…MJ bounces off and Grenier puts his head down. He lifts MJ high into the air with a back body drop!! She SLAMS into the mat and arches her back. Bob heads into the corner looking fulfilled. He slaps hands with Mark Storm~
Smith: Bob did his job now it’s time for the rising star Mark Storm!
Hood: Clouds are rolling in, Smith
Smith: Stop it!
Hood: It’s getting windy out here…
Smith: I can’t take much more of this
~Storm pulls MJ to her feet. She shoves him back. He throws a roundhouse kick, she ducks and kicks Storm in the gut. Storm staggers into the ropes. MJ charges in. Storm ducks his head and lifts her over the top rope. She lands on the apron and kicks Storm in the back of the head. He staggers forward…she jumps onto the top rope and leaps off, grabbing Storm’s head and driving him face first into the mat with a bulldog. She crawls to her corner and tags Morbidus~
Smith: And The True Living Vampire is back in there!
Hood: I was sure she’d tag Iggy there
Smith: He doesn’t appear to be very intense…and we all saw what happens with an un-intense Iggy
Hood: He gets the shit kicked out of him by Damian K’
Smith: Indeed
~Morbidus yanks Storm to his feet. Storm throws a punch at the vampire man but he dodges it and head butts Storm. He tosses Storm into a corner. Morbidus charges in and squashes Storm. He throws a few overreaching right hands into Storm’s head. He hooks Storm under the arm and tosses him halfway across the ring with a hip toss. Morbidus flashes his teeth again as he’s looking very nocturnal this evening~
Smith: We haven’t seen Robert Morbidus this sassy in quite some time
Hood: Sassy? Fucking sassy?
Smith: Yea, probably not the best adjective
Hood: The fuck…is he going to pose for teen magazine or some shit?
Smith: NO…or, well, I don’t think so. I’m just saying he’s got some attitude, that’s all
Hood: Fucking Sassy…geezus…
~Storm crawls to his feet. Morbidus charges at him with a big boot. Storm ducks and hits the ropes, he bounces off…Morbidus turns around and is met with a flying forearm!! Morbidus staggers against the ropes. Storm charges in for a clothesline…Morbidus reaches out and grabs him by the throat!! Storm kicks Morbidus in the knee…Morbidus lets go. Storm kicks Morbidus in the gut and drop shim with a DDT~
Smith: Mark Storm is a man with an expansive repertoire
Hood: Some might say he has too many moves
Smith: You can never have too many moves
Hood: Sure you can…ever hit on a girl, throw down a great move…she’s yours…but you jump right into the NEXT move and she suddenly goes cold. Too many moves, man
Smith: As stupid as that is, it’s better than
Hood: Wait a second! Winds are picking up!
~Storm gets to his feet and tags the extended arm of Grenier. Morbidus sits up. Grenier runs in and knees the vampire man in the face!! Morbidus falls back over, Grenier goes for a quick cover~
1!
Kick Out!
Smith: Gonna take more than that to pin Robert Morbidus
Hood: Do you think that when Dracula started all of this he ever imagined one of his ancestors wrestling?
Smith: How do we know Dracula was the first?
Hood: I don’t know…who was before him?
Smith: Sounds like an interesting Google!
~Grenier pummels Morbidus in the head, repeatedly. He grabs Morbidus by the nose and yanks him to his feet. He whips Morbidus into a nearby corner…the vampire hits hard. Grenier charges in and slams Morbidus in the chine with a forearm!! Morbidus staggers out of the corner. Grenier runs into the ropes, bounces off and he drills Morbidus in the side of the head with a crushing elbow! Morbidus falls to the mat as the fans are on their feet cheering the former OCW Champion. Grenier heads into the corner and tags Mark Storm back in~
Smith: Bob looks good tonight…most people would have quit by now…but the former Champion is showing his determination. It’s through struggling that an individual finds true enlightenment.
Hood: Whatever the fuck that means…all I know is the clouds are gathering…
Smith: Yes, we know, Mark Storm is back in the ring
~Storm crouches and waits for Morbidus to get to his feet. The fans get behind the unpredictable but likable wrestler. Morbidus gets to his feet and Storm rotates, looking for a tornado punch. Morbidus blocks it! He grabs Storm by the hair and dives in, biting him on the neck!! Storm stomps his feet and knees Morbidus in the groin! Morbidus lets go and backs into the ropes. Storm feels around his neck, no skin was breached. Morbidus scowls. MJ’s eyes are wide…she reaches over and tags Morbidus~
Smith: I think the former TWO TIME OCW Champion realized Morbidus nearly got her disqualified
Hood: That or she was extremely aroused
Smith: That was not the look of arousal. More the look of “this guy is insane”.
Hood: Is he? Or is he the only SANE one in the building?
Smith: If he’s the only sane one in the building then, by definition, he’s insane
Hood: I don’t know about that…but I do have two words for you…Vlad Tepes
Smith: What?
Hood: The first ever vampire…so I guess he was Dracula’s dad or whatever
Smith: Oh, you looked that up
Hood: Yep and now ole Robert Morbidus doesn’t have to shell out any money to ancestry DOT com…you can thank me later, Bobby!
~MJ charges at Storm, clearly frustrated over her loss the week prior. Storm catches her and hoists Bell over his head…she wiggles free and lands on her feet behind him. She leaps onto the second rope…Storm turns around…MJ goes for the Burning Mage!!! Storm ducks and MJ whiffs! Storm stands back up and MJ throws a mule kick into his chest! Storm stumbles into the ropes and bounces off…MJ drills him with a spear! The crowd goes wild as the former OCW Champion returns to her feet and slides some PLATINUM hair out of her face~
Smith: What a series of moves! MJ Bell is arguably the most talented wrestler on our roster…she’s just had some issues
Hood: There are a lot of ‘issues’ going on in OCW…Grenier, MJ, Vargas…maybe we should hire a psychiatrist.
Smith: I would recommend that but knowing our esteemed on site GM…he’d just give the job to The Knife Man
Hood: That dude would make a GREAT psychiatrist
~MJ reaches out and slaps the hand of Iggy. Iggy looks at her with smoldering intensity. The crowd pops with “IGGY” chants beginning to surface~
Smith: Oh no, the maniac has been tagged
Hood: I don’t know why, MJ was doing just fine
Smith: Well, think about this…what IF MJ’s team wins? Then they have to go into a triple threat…so it would make sense to try and conserve some energy
Hood: Yea, if you’re a woman, maybe
Smith: That has nothing to do with it! Plus, Iggy hasn’t been in the match this entire time…he needs to expend some energy
Hood: Dude, the guy thrives on cocaine…you aren’t ever tiring him out unless you dry him out
~Iggy reaches for Storm and grabs him by the hair. Storm is on his stomach, trying to crawl to his corner. Iggy rushes over and nails Grenier and Rebel with a forearm each. They lean back but hold onto the ropes, remaining on the apron. Iggy yells at them both “FUCK OFF!” He turns around and kicks Storm in the face. Rebel and Grenier exchange looks. They enter into the ring together and jump Iggy from behind. Grenier knees him in the back. Iggy turns around and is met with a clothesline from Rebel. Morbidus and MJ jump into the ring. MJ goes after Bob…she half spears him into the ropes…Bob falls through the ropes with MJ attached…it’s a tough looking fall. Morbidus and Rebel brawl while Iggy is on the mat next to Storm. Storm throws his arm over Iggy’s chest. Scruff sees the arm and makes the count~
1!
2!
BIGGEST KICKOUT OF ALL TIME
Smith: OH NO
Hood: Iggy’s INTENSE
Smith: The odds in this match have collapsed in favor of…well we’ll just call it Team Intensity
~Iggy leaps to his feet. Storm sits back on his hands with his eyes wide like “What the fuck is THIS?!” Meanwhile, Morbidus is leaning against the ropes. Rebel charges in for a boot…Morbidus ducks and Rebel goes over the top, crashing to the outside. Hardy lifts Storm up and throws him, like a sack of rice or whatever, into his teams corner…Storm flies at least half way across the ring to reach this destination. His shoulder SLAMS into the post. Morbidus calmly walks past the damaged body of Storm, stepping through the ropes and standing on the apron. Storm’s body crumbles to the mat as Iggy starts to spring around the ring yelling “FUCK ME!!!” and pumping his arms in the air~
Smith: How much food does that man eat to keep his physique?
Hood: I heard he’s outlawed from every all you can eat buffet in Key West
Smith: Makes sense…the amount of food
Hood: Oh, you misunderstand. It has nothing to do with the food. It’s just people cut in line and he gets INTENSE.
Smith: Well, not much is worse than a line cutter
Hood: I agree…you can get the death penalty for line cutting in Nebraska
Smith: Seriously?
Hood: I don’t know…it’s Nebraska, who cares
~He jogs past Morbidus and slaps Morbidus on the chest. Morbidus flies off the apron and slams into the barricade. Iggy throws his head around and spits all over the ring. An arm reaches in, grabbing him by the leg. It belongs to Rebel…Rebel trips Iggy up and yanks him out of the ring! The fans boo. Iggy shoves Rebel to his ass and screams “YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD” An arm reaches up and drills Iggy right in the crotch!! His intensity vanishes. He falls to his knees. Rebel gets up and throws a kick into the side of Iggy’s head. Iggy collapses to his side, unconscious~
Smith: Iggy’s kryptonite is, apparently, his testicles
Hood: To be fair…that is EVERY man’s kryptonite
Smith: Probably
Hood: Wait, wait…I don’t want to discriminate. Every man who ISN’T a eunuch
Smith: Small audience…I think we’re okay
Hood: Oh no, Smith. They are huge. It’s an organization meant to enlighten people about castration while providing psychology relief to those who have been castrated.
Smith: Wow…I had no idea. What’s their name so I can send a check?
Hood: Dedicated Intelligence toward Castration Kindness
~Rebel and Grenier stomp away on Iggy. Behind them we see a Platinum orb. It’s MJ’s head! She’s standing on top of the steps. The fans rise with excitement. Rebel turns around and MJ leaps off, wrapping her legs around his head and tossing him up the rampway with a hurircanrana!! Bob stomps Iggy a few more times before turning his attention to MJ. She gets to her feet, turns around and is drilled with a forearm shot to the side of the head. On the other side of the ring, we see Morbidus rising to his feet~
Smith: This has really broken down…I’m not even sure who the legal person is
Hood: Well Clear Weather is the legal man for his team
Smith: You mean Storm
Hood: Fuck no…it’s clear weather. Bright skies. No wind.
Smith: Okay fine…and the other?
Hood: Fuck if I know…Iggy? Or, wait, didn’t Iggy shove Morbidus?
Smith: Ah, good call…so Morbidus would be the legal man
~Grenier lifts MJ up and drops her to the floor with a Death Valley Driver. She’s laid out. Iggy is laid out. Morbidus is in the ring. Grenier helps Rebel to his feet. Morbidus grabs a physically broken Mark Storm and hoists him onto his shoulders. He performs an airplane spin. Grenier watches and asks Rebel if Morbidus is legal. Rebel points at Iggy. Morbidus, mid airplane spin, drops Storm with an F5~
Smith: Eternal Suffering…that’s his finishing maneuver
Hood: And those fucking guys think Iggy is legal
Smith: They still have time to break it up!
~Morbidus goes for the cover as Grenier picks Iggy up and restrains his arms. Rebel starts to punch Iggy in the gut~
1!
~Rebel stops punching Iggy and realizes what’s going on~
2!
~Grenier lets Iggy go and yells ‘SHIT!’ Both Grenier and Rebel slide in under the bottom rope~
3!!!!
~They break up the fall a half second too late~
Belvedere: The winners of the six person tag match is the team of MJ BELL, ROBERT MORBIDUS, AND IGGY HARDY!!!!!
~Grenier argues with Scruff. He points at Iggy and says there was no tag. Scruff mimes the push. Grenier shakes his head saying that isn’t a legal tag. Rebel, irate over the situation takes it out on Morbidus. He picks Morbidus up and sends him back down just as quickly with Rebel Yell. He then grabs Storm by the hair and taps Grenier on the shoulder~
Smith: These two are not happy
Hood: Well no shit, they were anticipating a storm…boarded up the windows, cancelled their golfing plans and all they got was fucking sunshine…it’s a travesty!
~Rebel and Grenier pick Storm up. They toss him over the top rope with a double powerbomb!! He lands on the floor, HARD. Grenier flips Scruff the bird and yells, “I thought we were buddies, man! We used to dumpster dive together…think about that you turncoat mother fucker!” Rebel doesn’t know Scruff nearly as well, so he just exits alongside Grenier. They head up the ramp disgusted. Meanwhile, Morbidus is laid out inside the ring. MJ is laid out on the ramp. Iggy is laid out near the apron~
Belvedere: And now we will enter the second phase of the match as MJ Bell, Robert Morbidus and Iggy Hardy will face each other in a triple threat!
~The bell sounds~
Smith: Well, here we go
Hood: Annnnnd they’re all dead
Smith: Let’s not be so drastic…one of them should get up…any minute now
~All three participants are out. Scruff has no choice but to begin a count. “ONE!” he yells as the crowd grows antsy. The Knife Man emerges with medics to look at Mark Storm. Scruff yells “TWO!”~
Smith: Mark Storm receiving medical attention but that’s not the story…the story is we could have a three way count out in our first ever Process of Elimination Match!
Hood: So who would be the winner?
Smith: I’d think Morbidus…seeing as he got the pin
Hood: Yea, but he’s a vampire. I’m going to say Iggy
Smith: Well if you’re going to say Iggy, then I’ll say MJ
Hood: Well, fuck…we’re back at a draw
~Scruff gets to “FIVE!” A couple of nameless medics are helping Storm to the back. The Knife Man is close behind giving polite orders with his knife pointed sharply at the ground. They walk by MJ…she looks up, sorta dazed. She sees the giant knife pointed at her and she instantly backs away, against the barricade. Scruff yells “SEVEN!” She turns her head and sees Iggy and Morbidus on the ground. She suddenly realizes what’s going on. She gets to her feet…she stumbles and staggers to the ring and rolls in just before nine. Scruff breaks the count as the fans go wild~
Smith: The Knife Man finally did something of merit…he saved this match
Hood: Imagine waking up and seeing a knife pointed at you. Although she lives with that Japanese guy, right? So she’s probably used to seeing knives everywhere
Smith: That is very crass and slightly racist
Hood: Is it? I’ve been to Japanese Steakhouses…
~MJ looks down at Morbidus and decides to cover him. While in the process of covering the apparently sleeping Vampire…he reaches up and wraps his hand around her neck. She grasps at his arm, trying to break it at the elbow…but his grip is too strong. He sits up and stands…he lifts MJ up and chokeslams her to the mat!! The fans boo as they’ve seen this story before. Morbidus looks down at MJ’s shattered body and he goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Not this time!
Hood: Judging by MJ’s reaction to The Knife Man…she must hate sharp objects.
Smith: I can’t say I blame her
Hood: One look at those teeth and she wasn’t having any of that pinfall
Smith: Could have been that or, you know, the threat of losing
~A beach ball appears in the crowd with The Dravers face on it. Fans are knocking it around, having fun. The beach ball means nothing to this match, however…OR DOES IT? Back inside the ring, MJ is crawling away from Morbidus. He gets to her feet and hooks her around the waist. He lifts her for a German suplex but MJ kicks her legs back and flips forward, rolling Morbidus up for a pin. He kicks out before Scruff can count. MJ is on her feet; with her back to Morbidus who has sat up…she plants her foot into the mat and turns around, hitting a modified Burning Mage!! The fans go wild~
Smith: That wasn’t a FULL Burning Mage…but it might have been enough
Hood: Damnit…all the cool possibilities for winners and we get the obvious, MJ Bell
Smith: She wins these matches for a reason, Hood. She’s that darn good.
Hood: Darn, huh? I guess Dang was too extreme
Smith: No, I have no problem saying dang.
~Larry the OCW Superfan falls into the beach ball trap and he goes to hit it. Larry, is of course, uncoordinated and kind of a goof. So he winds up slapping it in the opposite direction. It flies through the air, heading straight for Iggy. Several fans look on with concern yelling “NOOO!!” whereas the psychotic fans smile and nod their heads with excitement. The fall innocently enough taps Iggy on the face. It ricochets and rolls across the floor, gently bumping into the barricade. Nothing happens. People are confused, concerned, possibly disappointed. But, then it starts. Iggy’s body begins to shake. He starts to convulse. Foam begins to emerge from his mouth…he’s getting INTENSE! Meanwhile, inside the ring, MJ goes for a cover on Morbidus~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: Close call…you have to think if she had nailed the full on Burning Mage…this would be over
Hood: Yea, maybe…but all I know is that Iggy is either ODing outside the ring or he’s getting intense[
Smith: I think we both know the answer to that
~Iggy LEAPS to his feet and yells “FUCK THE BALL!” He runs for the beach ball and RIPS it wide open. The fans go wild. He looks inside the ring and ROARS. MJ isn’t paying him any attention. She gets to her feet and sees that Morbidus is sitting up. She runs into the ropes and leaps off, drilling Morbidus with BURNING MAGE! He falls to the mat, out. She goes for the pin. Iggy LEAPS into the ring. He sprints over~
1!
2!
~Iggy grabs MJ by the leg and pulls back. She slides across the ring and under the bottom rope, falling to the floor. Iggy beats his chest and screams!!! The fans go wild chanting “IGGY! IGGY!” He begins to do his signature sprint around the ring~
Smith: If Iggy could just remain focused…I’m not sure anything could stop him
Hood: Drug testing could
Smith: Well, yea, there is that
~Iggy, after several, several laps stops. He’s pouring sweat. He grabs Morbidus by the hair and lifts him to his feet. Morbidus responds by going after Iggy’s legs! He leans back with a catapult…Iggy goes FLYING through the air and lands, on his feet, atop the third turnbuckle. Morbidus turns around and Iggy flips through the air with a moonsault! Morbidus catches Iggy and drills him into the mat with a Tombstone! Morbidus goes for the pin~
1!
2!
NO!
Smith: MJ saves the match!
Hood: Holy shit…where did she fucking come from? Don’t tell me she’s intense too?
Smith: No, she’s just an incredible athlete with a burning desire to win
Hood: I thought it was called the Burning Mage…not the Burning Desire
~MJ leaps off the top with a guillotine leg drop to the back of Robert’s neck, breaking up the pinfall. Iggy is peacefully sleeping on the mat. MJ considers going for a pin but realizes touching Mr. Intensity might not be a great idea. So, she goes for Morbidus instead~
Hood: You know you’re intense when someone would rather fight a vampire
Smith: Indeed!
~Morbidus is still a little woozy from the Burning Mage. MJ throws a few forearms into his head. He staggers and falls back into a corner. She charges in and drills him in the head with a knee lift. She hooks his head and charges toward the center of the ring, smacking him face first into the mat with a Bulldog. Both men are out as the fans get to their feet chanting “MJ!”~
Smith: The former TWO TIME OCW Champion is in total control
Hood: I guess size doesn’t matter
Smith: It’s not the size of the dog in the fight…it’s the size of the fight in the dog!
Hood: Did you just call MJ a dog?
Smith: Uhhh…no….I…she is lovely!
~MJ fires up the crowd as she stands, waiting for Morbidus to get to his feet. Morbidus finally does. She sprints into the ropes and leaps off the middle rope…she goes for Burning Mage but Morbidus catches her across his shoulders!!! He starts to Airplane Spin~
Smith: Eternal Suffering! If he hits this, it’s over!
Hood: He’s got her number, Smith!
Smith: This is such a Hood question…but what number would that be?
Hood: Why, sixty-nine of course!
Smith: Great joke, very original.
~Morbidus is still a little off from all the kicks to the head. His equilibrium is a bit flimsy so he staggers slightly while performing the first half of his finisher. In doing so, he steps on Iggy’s hand. Iggy’s body shakes…he yells “GET OFF MY HAND DICK MUNCH!!” He kips up! Robert is still spinning…Iggy’s wide eyes observe what Morbidus is doing and he lunges forward with a SUPERKICK! He drills Morbidus in the face! Robert staggers into the ropes and drops MJ…she falls to the floor, landing hard. Morbidus bounces off the ropes and Iggy hits him with a second SUPERkick!!!! Morbidus falls to the mat…Iggy leaps into the air and goes for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…IGGY HARDY!!!!!
Smith: WOW
Hood: Mother fucker…that guy…
Smith: Iggy Hardy just out lasted five other competitors to win the first ever Process of Elimination Match
Hood: Shit is wild, man
Smith: And now he will go on to the finals where one man will emerge as the last man standing in this entire process.
Hood: Where they will receive the most popular prize in wrestling
Smith: And that is?
Hood: TO BE NAMED LATER
Smith: That is a common prize title, for sure. As for MJ…well, my heart breaks for Madeline. Another tough loss.
Hood: Yea, but she’s got bigger fish to fry…no offense to Iggy or anyone else. She’s got a date with The Incredible One.
Smith: That she does…her talent is without question…I just think with everything going on, she might have been a little distracted this week.
Hood: Yea, probably
~Iggy LEAPS out of the ring and lands on his feet. MJ is seated up against the steps, shaking her head, angry. Iggy yells out to her “WOULD YOU LIKE TO FUCK?” MJ responds with a disgusting frown. Iggy shrugs and sprints up the ramp way before he spin kicks his way through the curtain. The crowd goes wild~
Smith: And that’s Iggy Hardy…one of a kind
Hood: Let’s hope so
Smith: Folks, let’s head backstage!
~We cut to a shot of Marcus Welsh at his desk. He’s leaning over his cell phone which is on speaker. A giant logo of Jimmy Buffet is on the screen. We hear the OCW owner’s voice loud and clear~
Jimmy Buffet: Well, that’s less than ideal.
Marcus Welsh: Yea, so I fired him
Jimmy Buffet: Shame…he seemed to be doing so well. I guess you’ve ironed out all the details then?
Marcus Welsh: Well, no, not really. I plan on taking care of that first thing tomorrow.
Jimmy Buffet: Oh well you can’t fire him yet…not until you settle this issue with the state of Louisiana.
Marcus Welsh: With all due respect, sir…but why not? In my opinion we need to make a swift and direct action of atonement for what happened in that press room today. It was awful.
Jimmy Buffet: *talks away from the phone* What’s up, ladies! Give me a second and I’ll be over there…yes, I’d LOVE to sing Margaritaville to you both *his voice is directed back at Welsh* Marcus, you can’t fire him until you’ve settled the issue.
Marcus Welsh: Why not?
Jimmy Buffet: I don't want to get into specifics over the phone but it's best to take care of this all at once. Settle the dispute with the Louisiana State Pen and then deal with the Eastern European.
Marcus Welsh: You’re the boss, Mr. Buffet.
Jimmy Buffet: Damn straight. And, once you've terminated his contract toss him, I don’t know, a year’s salary as compensation…something like that…whatever you think is best. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’ve got some thirsty women waiting on me. Nibblin on spongecake…
~Jimmy starts to sing his most famous song before hanging up. Welsh leans back and scratches the back of his head~
Marcus Welsh: I hate going back on my decision. But, Jimmy’s the boss and I don’t want to lose this job. Ah, just shut up Marcus and get this over with.
~Marcus pulls up EE’s contact. There’s a picture of a barren, eastern European landscape. It dials~
Eastern European: THIS IS ME SAYING HELLO!
Marcus Welsh: It’s Mr. Welsh
Eastern European: The Mister Welsh! You no worry…my desk is the cleanest! I be gone shortly. I sorry for the trouble.
Marcus Welsh: Hold on…before you clean anything else out, I’ve got something I want to tell you…
~Welsh pinches his nose. The words taste like vomit~
Marcus Welsh: I lost my temper earlier today. I acted on impulse. You’re not fired.
Eastern European: You extinguish the fire?
Marcus Welsh: Uhm, yea, sure…that’s what I mean…you can remain in charge of the day to day operations of OCW
Eastern European: I AM SAYING THE YES TO THAT!! The news is good, yes? YES! Thank you Mister Welsh! I name my first baby after you, boy or girl…it no matter to me!
Marcus Welsh: Terrific…look, I’ve got to go. Talk to you later.
~EE continues to celebrate as Welsh hangs up. He buzzes his secretary~
Marcus Welsh: Cheryl…could you look up all contact information on the Louisiana State Pen and have it waiting for me when I come in tomorrow?
Cheryl: Yessir
~Welsh removes his finger form the buzzer and leans back. He’s got the look of a man with a giant mess to clean up. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: The Eastern European keeps his job!
Hood: For now, anyway
Smith: Indeed...he seems to be around for only a limited time so we'd better enjoy or, well, endure him while we still have him around.
Hood: Fucker will be gone by next week. Welsh gets shit done...this whole misunderstanding will be water under the bridge by Monday.
Smith: You're probably right. Anyway, folks...it's time for our main event. Max Shade headlines his first OCW event, as well as Chaotic...as they do battle for Shade's OCW Ascension Championship. Let's head to the ring for what should be a highly entertaining contest between two of OCW's best and brightest upcoming wrestlers.
Hood: I predict death. And it won't be the guy with the exposed face
Smith: Let's hope it's nothing that drastic...to ringside we go!
OCW Ascension Championship
Max Shade © (6-0) vs. Chaotic (3-2)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for our Main Event of the Evening!! This match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OCW Ascension Championship!!!
~"Respectful" by CFO$ begins to rumble throughout the building. Chaotic and Juliet Kelly comes out and greet the fans and then Chaotic jumps over the apron and the top rope. Chaotic takes off his jacket and goes on the top rope starting a "Lucha! Lucha!" chant~
Belvedere: Introducing first…the challenger…from Mexico City, Mexico…standing 5’7 and weighing in at 180lbs…Chaotic!!!
~”Never Take Me Out” by Demigodz hits. The fans stand in anticipation of the OCW Ascension Champion. Dr Orange emerges first! The fans boo. He smiles and waves…he gives the thumb up. He then pauses as though he’s building to a climatic move…he then POINTS into the crowd. They boo even louder. He waves them off as though they are just fooling around. He motions with his hand and Max Shade emerges. Max looks better than ever. He follows Dr Orange down the ramp. We notice the OCW Ascension Championship strapped around Dr Orange’s waist. He heads straight for the announce table while Shade climbs the steps and enters in through the ropes. He’s becoming a true veteran at entering into the ring~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’5 and weighing in at 285lbs…he is the OCW Ascension Champion…Dr. Orange’s Client…Max Shade!!!
~The bell rings as the fans seem eager for the contest~
Smith: A match three weeks in the making…it all started when Chaotic…
Dr. Orange: Excuse me *loud noise follows*
Smith: What are you doing?!
Dr. Orange: These headphones hurt my ears. I’ve brought some superior headphones…Hood, show me where I should plug these in
Hood: Good question…where is that darn plugin
Smith: Normally you FIND the plugin before ripping the previous cord out…
~Ruffling and rummaging fills our ears. It totally distracts from the match as Chaotic appears to be talking massive amounts of shit toward Shade~
Smith: Oh for Pete’s sake…give that to me! There, are you happy?
Dr. Orange: Rude behavior. We had it under control. Very rude.
Hood: Yea Smith, we were just about to find it…would have had it done if your damn coffee hadn’t been in the way
Smith: That’s YOUR coffee, not mine. I live a caffeine free lifestyle
Dr. Orange: Coffee is for closers. This guy can’t close. Can’t close.
Hood: Been saying that for years, Doc!
~Chaotic continues to talk mad shit to Shade. Shade stands there. His body appears calm but his eyes tell a different story. Chaotic appears to be rapping…his head starts to wave around with his arms flailing. He turns his head side to side. Some of the fans ringside cheer, thinking this looks really cool. They are young and misinformed. Suddenly, Shade reaches out and DECKS Chaotic in the face!! He falls to the mat and slowly rolls out of the ring, holding his face in pain. The overzealous youngsters in the front row quiet down~
Smith: Ouch…I guess that’s what the young people call a MIC DROP
Hood: Lame
Dr Orange: Beautiful punch. Did you see that? Did everybody see that? Max has golden glove level hands. Golden.
Smith: The only person who didn’t see it was Chaotic, I think
Dr Orange: Speaking of mics. We need one on the masked guy. He does make me laugh.
~Chaotic walks around the ring, holding his face. Shade keeps an eye on him. He scoots by the announce table. Dr. Orange removes the Ascension Title and not so subtly places it in front of him. Chaotic sees this and stops~
Smith: Oh no…please don’t tell me
Hood: What?
Smith: Chaotic is looking right at us
Hood: How the hell can you tell?
Dr Orange: If he’s looking for representation my list is full.
~Shade steps through the ropes. The crowd rises when they see this. Chaotic turns and spots Shade coming after him. He takes off running. Shade, on the apron, steps back in through the ropes. He’s not stupid. Chaotic stops running and looks up into the ring and, more importantly the beast waiting on him to enter~
Smith: Well?
Dr Orange: We could see Max Shade’s submission move. It’s devastating.
Smith: Really? What’s it called?
Dr Orange: Intimidation.
Hood: I like it!
Smith: Solid name but what is it, exactly. Describe it for me…it’s not in my notes.
Dr Orange: It’s how it sounds. His opponent taps out via intimidation.
Hood: Amazing!
Smith: Oh now that’s ridiculous!
~Chaotic hops onto the apron. Shade quickly approaches. He hops back down. Shade motions for Chaotic to get into the ring. Chaotic takes off running. Shade turns to keep his body facing his opponent. Chaotic slides into the ring before Shade can reach him. He sprints at Shade...Shade throws a clothesline, Chaotic ducks and hits the ropes…Shade throws another clothesline…Chaotic ducks again and hits the ropes…Shade half way rolls his eyes and DRILLS Chaotic with a roundhouse kick to the face!! Chaotic’s body flips back with such force he almost lands on his stomach. Instead, he lands on the back of his head with his knees near his ears. The fans gasp with a few cheering the insanely powerful kick~
Smith: Wow!!
Hood: Holy shit!
Dr Orange: Solid. Solid kick. See it every day in the gym.
Smith: You see THAT every day? Then why the heck is he doing Corner Hug Smashes?
Dr Orange: That kick may be good. But it is no Corner Hug Smash.
~Shade kicks at Chaotic’s legs…the impact sends Chaotic rolling onto his side. Shade grabs him by the mask and pulls him to his feet. He blasts both hands into Chaotic’s chest with an epic shove that sends Chaotic flying into the corner! Shade then unleashes a flurry of kicks into Chaotic’s abdomen and ribs! He bounces around like an abused punching bag. His knees give in and he falls to the mat. Shade throws a knee at his head, but he’s able to slither under the bottom rope and collapse to the floor where he remains, face down~
Smith: This is so one sided and brutal…
Hood: Yea, Chaotic really fucked up when he didn’t tap out to Intimidation
Dr Orange: Great submission. Won Max many matches.
Smith: Oh yea? Against who?
Dr Orange: The Veteran. Old man. Tough as nails, steel nails. He saw Max and tapped instantly. Great victory.
Smith: Is there any way you could provide video evidence of some of these wins? I mean these wrestlers don’t even have names.
Dr Orange: Of course they do. This one was named The Veteran.
Smith: Okay, FINE
~Chaotic crawls for the barricade. Max stays in the ring. He could go after Chaotic, but he knows he’d have to chase him. Inside the ring, Chaotic is trapped. Chaotic realizes this too as he pulls himself up and leans over the barricade, looking into the ring. He’s shaking his head wondering if he’s facing an impossible task~
Smith: Can Max Shade be beaten? I mean several references have been made about his ‘work rate’…however he’s improving tremendously each week…he’s better now than when he won the Ascension Championship and he’s going to be better next time he competes.
Dr Orange: Max Shade was born better. They had to bring in a second doctor to finish the delivery.
Hood: Really? Why is that?
Dr Orange: The first one passed out due to Intimidation
Smith: I can’t believe I loathe something that doesn’t exist
~Scruff yells out “TWO!” Fans ringside encourage Chaotic to get back into the ring. He nods, rubbing his left ribcage which is reddening. He also rubs his mask covered head. The man has already endured severe punishment. He finally stands up straight as several fans pat him on the back. Shade approaches the ropes, ready for him to re-enter. Scruff yells “FIVE!” Chaotic jogs…he picks up speed and runs…he breaks into a sprint as Shade keeps an eye on him…Chaotic darts in under the bottom rope with Shade turning around to face him. Chaotic springs to his feet and throws a spinning heel kick…it connects!! Shade staggers into a nearby corner~
Smith: Alright, finally some offense....
Hood: Fucking guy took long enough
Dr Orange: Slow brain. Dumb.
Hood: Explains the mask, right Doc?
Dr Orange: Cheap masks. Bad material. Only good for one thing.
Smith: Yes, you don’t have to remind us
~Chaotic runs away from Shade…he turns and faces Max and sprints forward…he leaps into the air with his knees in his chest and then shoots his legs out kick Shade in the face!! Shade staggers out of the corner, shaking his head, stunned. Chaotic runs into the ropes facing Shade…he bounces off and flies through the air with a knee into Shade’s face!! Shade falls onto his back…the ring shakes from impact. Chaotic goes for the cover…Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
NO!!!
Smith: Whoa!!
Hood: Talk about some hang time
Dr Orange: Max Shade can bench press a bus. A school bus. And not the Chaotic kind of school bus.
Hood: What kind is that?
Smith: We get it…we don’t need…
Dr Orange: The short bus. For retards.
Smith: Thanks for that
~Shade kicked out with such force that he shoved Chaotic nearly five feet in the air. Chaotic lands on his stomach and chest. He looks over at Shade with, well, I guess wide eyes…guy has a mask on so you don’t really know, but you’d definitely expect a mother fucker to be shocked after that so, yea, wide eyes. He rolls onto his ass and backslides into the nearest corner as Max sits up and gets to his feet with an angry as fuck look. Chaotic, again, slides out of the ring~
Smith: This just isn’t working out
Hood: Maybe Chaotic is displaying his submission maneuver…Frustration
Dr Orange: Ridiculous. Nobody could ever make someone tap out from frustration.
Smith: Finally, some sense
Dr Orange: Hold on. Wait a minute. Now that I think about it. Max could. Yea. He could.
Hood: Damn Max is more talented than I ever imagined!
~Chaotic walks around the ring for a moment. Every few seconds he turns and looks toward Shade. He stops and places his hands atop his hips. Fans chant “CHA-O-TIC!” Shade stares down at the challengers…the expression on Max’s face has never changed. He’s ready to kill this masked man. Chaotic hops onto the apron. Shade rushes forward…Chaotic slides under the bottom rope and between Shade’s legs! He nips up and turns around…he jumps over Shade, grabs the rope like hair of the Ascension Champion and yanks his neck across the top rope!! Shade tries to fall back, but Chaotic holds onto his hair~
Smith: Chaotic is having to get creative here…he can’t take Max Shade straight on
Hood: Like a knife going through butter!
Smith: Okay
Hood: And Max is the KNIFE. Chaotic would be the butter
Smith: We got it
Dr Orange: No. Chaotic is Margarine.
~Chaotic holds onto Max’s hair…and climbs back onto the apron. He hurries into a corner, dragging Max along. He climbs to the top and secures Max’s hair with both hands. He jumps as far as he can, eventually Max’s hair runs out of slack and his head snaps back with his body whipping to the mat. Chaotic lands on his knees with Max’s hair in his hands~
Smith: This feels…wrong?
Hood: I think they legalized hair pulling when women started wrestling
Smith: That’s not true!
Dr Orange: Chaotic is a woman? That would explain the mask and why we are on STARZ.
Hood: Why’s that, Doc?
Dr Orange: I don’t think they can show a topless woman wrestling on regular cable.
Smith: Chaotic is NOT a woman…or well, not that we know of, anyway
Dr Orange: He could be one of them transformers.
Hood: Yes, like Starscream
Smith: Stop it, now
~Chaotic pulls Shade to his feet and turns him around with Shade’s back facing him. He pulls Max’s hair back leaving very little space between the two competitors. Chaotic knees Shade in the kidneys a few times. He delivers some swift kicks into the back of Max’s leg. He whispers some insulting lyrics into Max’s ear. Max grows furious…he jumps into the air, flipping backwards and drills Chaotic in the head with a Pele Kick!! Chaotic falls into the corner, releasing Shade’s hair. Max nearly lands on his head, but is able to maneuver his body just enough to absorb most of the fall with his right arm~
Smith: Wow! What athleticism shown by the Ascension Champion
Hood: I wonder what Chaotic whispered into his ear.
Dr Orange: We need a tape recorder in there. Missing out on some good material.
Smith: I’d be willing to wager Max was set off by a combination of the insult and the low level of creativity in which it was delivered.
Hood: Chaotic is the fucking man
~Shade pulls his hair out of Chaotic’s limp hands. He gets to his feet and goes right after the challenger. Max appears to be in some pain but his fury is overriding all other functions. He grabs Chaotic by the mask and spins around with a mule kick into his abdomen. Chaotic doubles over…Max gets into a crouches position and then delivers a swift kick to the side of Chaotic’s head! Chaotic’s body limply falls to the mat as the crowd watches in awe at the speed, quickness ,and efficiency of Max Shade’s offense~
Smith: And this is why Chaotic didn’t want to get into the ring
Hood: Well, he kind of fucking had to
Dr Orange: What’s the old saying, Hood? He let go of the rope?
Hood: Haha, good one, Doc!
Smith: You two are awful
~Shade grabs Chaotic by the arm and pulls him to a standing position. He throws a kick into Chaotic’s chest. Chaotic tries to fall but Shade won’t let him, keeping him standing by that grip he has on his arm. He kicks him again in his chest and again and again. Finally, Chaotic falls to his knees. Shade keeps kicking him over and over and over again in his chest. Welts are forming…Chaotic is out. Shade lets go of Chaotic’s hand and throws a spinning back kick into Chaotic’s head. He falls into the ropes…his body teeters across the bottom rope, half in the ring, half out. Shade is breathing heavily~
Smith: Okay, I think I have discovered a new submission move for Max?
Dr. Orange: Oh?
Hood: Out with it, Smith!
Smith: Kick Brutality!
Hood: That’s ridiculous, get real
Dr Orange: Never heard of it
~Shade drags Chaotic back into the ring by the edge of his trunks. He lifts Chaotic up and whips him into the ropes…Chaotic nearly falls while running. He manages to bounce off the ropes and stagger toward Shade…Shade throws a huge kick into Chaotic’s gut! Chaotic flips over onto his back and curls into the fetal position. He coughs. Some blood spatter hits the ring~
Smith: Some disconcerting internal injuries appear to be taking place within Chaotic
Hood: Quid pro quo!
Dr. Orange: He talked the talk. It was great talk. Highly entertaining stuff. But now he’s got to walk. Tough walk. Treacherous.
~Shade is in complete control. He cracks a shin kick into Chaotic’s exposed back. Chaotic rolls onto his back, arching it due to the stinging pain. The crowd begins to chant “CORNER HUG SMASH!” Max ignores them. He stomps a foot into Chaotic’s exposed stomach. Chaotic’s upper half lunges forward before falling back to the mat. “CORNER HUG SMASH” continues to fill the OCW Arena~
Smith: The fans want to see one of the most popular moves in OCW
Hood: I’m down!
Smith: Dr Orange, you seem surprisingly okay with all of these kicks
Dr. Orange: I’m not a fan. But tonight is Max’s night to do whatever he wants. I understand we’ll lose viewers and people may file out of the arena.
Smith: I don’t know, the crowd seems to be one of the larger ones in recent memory and everyone appears to be fully engaged.
Dr. Orange: Pretending. Nobody likes this stuff except for Max and a dozen people in the Japanese Taiwan region of China.
~Max continues ignoring the chants, but it’s getting tougher. He’s extremely irritable this evening. He pulls Chaotic to his feet and the crowd goes wild!! He stops and shakes his head ‘no’. The crowd boos and chants “CORNER HUG SMASH” louder than before. Shade turns his back to Chaotic and pays the crowd more attention than he should. Chaotic falls to his knees. He lunges forward and hits Max with a low blow!! Max doubles over and falls to his knees. Chaotic falls over onto his side…still in poor physical condition~
Smith: Desperation by Chaotic…and perhaps a bit of that in ring inexperience showing up for Max Shade
Dr. Orange: See? It’s what the people want. A Corner Hug Smash.
Smith: You look like you want to leave the announce table.
Dr. Orange: Nope, I’m going to stay right here. I’m a man of my word. And a man’s word is only as strong as his word.
Hood: Uhh…yea, that makes sense, Doc!
~Shade gets to his feet, holding his groin in pain. He turns around and goes after Chaotic…Shade is pissed, but in too much pain to be TOTALLY pissed. He grabs Chaotic by the mask and pulls him to a standing position. Chaotic leans into Shade’s chest for support. Shade grows somewhat lacks. The top of Chaotic’s head finds its way under Shade’s chin. Chaotic, in a rush of energy, grabs the back of Shade’s neck and drops to his knees. He cracks Shade’s teeth with a jaw breaker!! Shade falls onto his back, holding his mouth in pain~
Smith: More offense by Chaotic…this time a little less desperate!
Hood: How is this guy…you know, one of them good guys? Dick punches, running around the ring…racial slurs…
Smith: That’s what it says on my sheet
Dr. Orange: He must be an anti-hero. I’ve heard of those before. Kind of like me. I’m an anti-hero when you think about it.
Hood: Yea, I can see that
Smith: I certainly cannot
Hood: That’s because you’re probably wearing one of Chaotic’s shitty masks
~Chaotic gets to his knees…Shade does as well….the two men are moving at about the same speed. Chaotic’s body, however, has way more apparent damage. He gets to his feet and stumbles. Shade gets to his. Shade throws a kick at Chaotic’s head. Chaotic ducks and finds himself back-to-back with Shade…he grabs Shade by the hair and pulls him down with a neck breaker! Both men are on their backs as the crowd begins to stomp their feet. A ‘LUCHA!’ chant rivals a “CORNER HUG SMASH!” chant~
Smith: Both men are down and fairly spent…Chaotic more so than Shade
Dr Orange: These tactics by Chaotic are embarrassing…for him. Sad!
Hood: Maybe Shade should cut his hair?
Dr. Orange: You can’t cut steel, Hood
Hood: Excellent point!
~Shade sits up and looks at Chaotic. Chaotic rolls over, onto all fours. Shade gets to his feet first. He grabs Chaotic by the leg…Chaotic hops on the other leg and turns around, facing Shade…he jumps and kicks Shade in the side of the head with an Inziguri! Shade turns his back to Chaotic, stunned. Chaotic runs into the ropes, bounces off and is DRILLED in the face with a spinning kick!! He falls to the mat as the fans react to the impact of the move~
Smith: What a kick!! This match is probably over
Hood: How did that mask stay on? Does he have super glue around his neck or something?
Dr. Orange: He has a tiny head, obviously. Small brain. Bad genetics. Funny rhymes, though.
Hood: Ah, that explains it.
Smith: So you’re saying rappers are stupid?
Dr. Orange: Well they do spend their adult lives working behind the counter of department stores that I own and invest in. So that means I can call them whatever I want. Whatever. I want.
Smith: Not what I meant
~Shade grabs Chaotic by the arm and yanks him to his feet like a teenage bully would his much smaller victim. He lifts Chaotic over his shoulders and in one fluid motion drops him with The Terminator!!! Chaotic is out. Shade goes for the pin~
1!
2!
Smith: Wait…what the??
Hood: Did Chaotic bite Max’s hand? Let go you masked freak!
Dr. Orange: Max obviously needs more cardio
~Shade LIFTED Chaotic’s head up before three. The crowd boos his action. He violently slams the back of Chaotic’s head into the mat before standing over Chaotic displaying an impressive statute. The capricious crowd’s boos turn into a chant for “CORNER HUG SMASH” once again. Shade sighs with disappointment. He grabs Chaotic and tosses him into a corner. The crowd goes wild and yells “YES!” Shade stops and looks at them. He pauses and lifts his arms to his chest…he extends them outward in the ‘incomplete’ or ‘not happening’ gesture. The crowd boos. Shade shake his head. He lifts Chaotic up onto the top buckle~
Smith: Could this be a set up for another Terminator?
Hood: The Terminator had a prequel? I’ve got to get on this.
Smith: That’s not what I’m talking about
Dr. Orange: Max was recently asked to star in the next Terminator. Called Super Terminator. That’s what we’re about to see. A super terminator from that third pouch thing.
Smith: You mean the third turnbuckle?
Hood: I think pouch thing has more cache, Smith
~We’re not entirely sure what Max is preparing to do. But that seems to be the most likely scenario. Chaotic reaches under his chin and he pulls his mask up!! The crowd gasps. We can’t see his face. Max backs away, stunned~
Smith: What the…
Hood: More of that tedfoolery!
Smith: It’s TOMfoolery
Dr. Orange: Chaotic has dirty tricks. Filthy man.
Hood: Did anybody get a look at his face?
Smith: Only Max and he seems nonplussed
~Chaotic pulls the mask back down and grabs Shade’s hair. He pulls Shade in and knees him in the face repeatedly. Shade’s legs weaken…Chaotic places his foot in Shade’s face and kicks him back. Shade staggers. Chaotic leaps off with both knees in Shade’s face…his momentum takes Shade down with Chaotic’s knees slamming into his face!! The crowd gets to their feet…they chant “LUCHA!” Chaotic staggers to his and points in the air as Shade is on his back~
Smith: For the first time this entire match I get the feeling Chaotic might pull it off
Hood: He just did pull it off, Smith!
Smith: The match, not the mask!
Dr. Orange: *muffling sound*
Smith: What are you doing with that belt?
Dr. Orange: My pants were feeling a little loose, just putting it back on.
Smith: If Chaotic wins you HAVE to give that belt over
~Chaotic points to the nearest corner. The crowd goes wild and chants “LUCHA!!” He staggers into the corner. His upper body looks like a warzone from all the kicks. But, his adrenaline is at maximum capacity so pain is irrelevant. He reaches the top and looks down at Max~
Smith: The Shooting Star Press, if he hits this we could very well see a brand new OCW Ascension Champion!
Hood: What the hell has happened? Max HAD this
Dr Orange: If you’ll excuse me, I think I have urgent business backstage
Smith: Oh no, you’re staying right here
~Chaotic leaps off with the Shooting Star Press and he CONNECTS!! The crowd goes wild. He instantly hooks Shade’s leg. Scruff slides in and makes the count~
1!
2!!
KICK OUT!!!
Smith: Shade is soooo lucky
Hood: Luck has nothing to do with it…Max Shade is a BEAST
Smith: His arrogance nearly cost him this match…heck, it still might
Dr Orange: Turns out all my business backstage was handled. I’ll remain out here.
Smith: Of course, front runner.
~Chaotic sits up and holds three fingers at Scruff in desperation. Scruff flashes the peace sign or, ya know, two fingers. Chaotic grabs the top of his head and rolls over. Max starts to sit up but falls to his side. He rolls onto all fours. The crowd breaks back into the “LUCHA!” chant. Chaotic starts to feet off it. He gets to his feet and watches Shade. Shade gets to his and falters into the corner. Chaotic looks around with hope~
Smith: Wait a minute…could we see Chaotic’s other finisher…Wrath of G.O.D.?! It’s a Helluva Kick…
Hood: Wait, more kicking?
Dr. Orange: This is terrible. Kicks from Max might be bad. But they are far superior to kicks from anyone else. I’m afraid if Chaotic starts kicking, STARZ might KICK OCW off the air.
Hood: Good one, Doc!
Dr. Orange: I know
~Chaotic charges in for the Wrath of G.O.D.! Shade ducks and lifts him up onto his shoulders! The crowd rises to their feet. Shade drops Chaotic in the center of the ring with The Terminator!! Chaotic’s face bounces off the mat. He winds up on his hands and knees. He might be out with muscle memory having gone rogue. Shade gets to his feet and notices Chaotic’s positioning~
Smith: I think Chaotic is out on his hands and knees
Hood: They call that the doggy style where I come from
Dr. Orange: Haha, good one, Hood. You should pass that on to Chaotic.
Hood: I just might
~Shade runs into the ropes, he bounces off and kicks the ever loving SHIT out of Chaotic’s head!! Chaotic’s body twirls in the air a few times before landing on his back. He’s completely knocked out. Shade covers him, with the palm of his left hand wedged angrily into Chaotic’s face, torqueing his head and neck into the mat. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….AND STILL OCW ASCENSION CHAMPION…Dr. Orange’s client…MAX SHADE!!!!!
Smith: Wow…great match. Great effort from both men…but Max Shade just continues to show why he is the OCW Ascension Champion
Hood: The match was fine…but I’ll be happy when Max Shade quits slumming and goes back to using his wrestling moves. When you think about it…he basically wrestled this match with one arm tied behind his back.
Smith: I totally disagree. Max Shade seems most ‘at home’ when he’s using his feet
~Chaotic rolls out of the ring. The Knife Man comes out and tends to the battered star. Dr. Orange enters into the ring and holds Shade’s Ascension Title high in the air. Shade reaches his feet and hunches over, breathing heavily~
Smith: Dr. Orange sure was sweating this one out…hell, he was about to abandon his client
Hood: Nah, that’s what we call tough love. He used that as motivation…plus, he had business backstage
Smith: No business should trump his client’s in ring work
Hood: You never have been nor will you ever be as successful as Dr. Orange…therefore, you just wouldn’t understand.
~Shade raises a hand in the air in triumph. The crowd acknowledges his gesture, appreciating his efforts. Dr Orange spots Shade and heads for a corner. He climbs to the middle buckle and holds the OCW Ascension Championship high in the air! The fans boo. Shade lowers his hand and shakes his head~
Smith: Dr. Orange never misses an opportunity to show off
Hood: It's a great night for Dr. Orange...Shade won his first main event and...Dr. Orange's hair is having a good day. It's a good hair day, Smith!
Smith: Dr. Orange and good hair day sounds like an oxymoron if I've ever heard one. Anyway...folks, that's it for tonight...we hope you've enjoyed this week's edition of Monday Night Massacre. Until next time I'm Smith
Hood: And I'm the guy you all enjoy listening to
Smith: Jerk...that's HOOD. We will see you all again next week!
~We get one final shot of Dr Orange posing. Shade steps through the ropes and hops to the floor. He makes his way up the ramp. Our screen fades to black~