OCW Presents: Massacre
LIVE! Monday, April 3rd 2017
From The OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
Eastern European: Hi everybody! Welcome to the Massacre! Tonight we have clients of Trent Cassidy taking on The Aftertude! Should be GREAT event of main!
~The crowd cheers…they are used to filling in the blanks with this guy~
Eastern European: And for the week that is next we will be having MJ Bell defend her OCW Championship against PerZag! Isn’t that great? Yes? YES!
~The crowd goes wild, very excited for that match~
Eastern European: The take a wish contest continue tonight as well. We hopeful find a winner. So, do the relax in the sit back and enjoy show!
~We fade into the sold out OCW Arena! The fans are worked up after hearing what’s in store for this evening as well as next week. We pan the signs that are being tossed around like fans on a hot summer day. “PUSH MAX SHADE TO THE MAIN EVENT” “QUIT HOLDING DREW STEVENSON BACK!” “A STORM IS BREWING TONIGHT!” “WHY HASN’T SOMEONE ARRESTED ASSASSIN YET? HE KILLS PEOPLE FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!” “AIRE RAYDER IS GOING TO FLY HIGH!” “MATT MEYHU IS THE GREATEST!” “MATT MEYHU IS THE GRANDEST!” “MATT MEYHU IS THE BESTEST!” we suddenly realize the same person is holding all of these signs with several more to follow. We turn away quickly to more signs. “I’M A REBEL ROUSER!!” “IGGY FUCKED MY WIFE” this sign is written in slippery, red ink…come to think of it, it might be blood. “DAMIAN K’ SHOULD CASH IN ON TIO!” “CHAOTIC IS GOING TO BRING CHAOS TO THE RING TONIGHT!” “BOB GRENIER IS BOOKED!!!” “CJ O’DONNELL IS GOING TO GET HIS REVENGE ON MACK O’CONNOR!” We finally focus on the announce team of Smith and Hood who are looking pretty normal~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre!!
Hood: So I guess we know what happened with Iggy and that kid’s mom
Smith: Assuming that’s the woman’s husband
Hood: True, he looks kinda nerdy…and she was kinda hot…might just be some other poor sap whose wife was hanging around an INTENSE Iggy Hardy
Smith: Haha Indeed! Those signs and Iggy’s sex life aside…how about those announcements?
Hood: What about them? I tried using my online translator but got nothing
Smith: What language did you set it to?
Hood: WTF language
Smith: That’s why it didn’t work
Hood: Well, what language does that guy speak
Smith: Excellent question…but I’ll break it down for you.
Hood: Okay, nerd…’break it down’ for me
Smith: Tonight we will get to witness The Clientele take on The Aptitude!
Hood: Fuckin sweet! Are all the titles on the line?
Smith: Well, no, the stakes aren’t that high. Plus…I’m not even sure how that would work…not to mention the whole PerZag equation
Hood: PerZag equation? Guy has some type of weird ass algebra formula named after him?
Smith: No…his number one contender situation…he’s getting his OCW Title shot NEXT Monday.
Hood: Fuckin SWEET! Go Zag go…maybe we can finally get that belt around a waist that isn’t the size of my pinky
Smith: Hey hey
Hood: Okay, fine, my thumb
Smith: Aside from those potentially foundation shifting announcements we’ve got Max Shade back in action, defending his undefeated streak. Drew Stevenson and Rebel look to bounce back. Jake E Dangerously is…pardon the pun, dangerously close to being fired. He needs a strong showing against Mark Storm
Hood: Wait, hold on…what’s that? I’m hearing the clouds are rolling in, Smith. Storm could be on the horizon
Smith: Ah geez…not this again!
Hood: Hey, you ever see Twister? We’ve got to make people aware of these cataclysmic events…Cary Elwes DID NOT die for nothing, Smith!
Smith: Alright, calm down…are you sure you aren’t Vortex or Debris?
Hood: I WISH I were that talented
Smith: We’ve got a number one contenders match for a shot at Max Shade and his Ascension Title as well…Chaotic, Assassin, and Robbie Rayder…three of the more impressive newcomers here in OCW will square off in a triple threat!
Hood: Can Assassin bring his weapons to the ring?
Smith: No
Hood: Damn, well he’s probably fucked…and Chaotic wears a mask, so he’s out. I guess I’ve got to go with the Rayder guy.
Smith: Not a bad selection…he looked great last week against…well I’m just going to refrain from saying that guy’s name, given your meteorological inclinations.
Hood: No idea what that means…but I can tell you those clouds are gaining steam
Smith: Before this gets anymore ludicrous…let’s head to ringside for our opening match
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall!!
~The lights in the arena begin to dim and the OCW audience rise to their feet, as the nostalgic melody of "Bad Guy" by Jordon Comoli begins to play through the PA speakers. Smoke begins to rise from the stage and the audience begin to applaud, as emerging from the clouded mist is the self-proclaimed spokesman of a generation - Mark Storm, who stands tall at the top of the entrance ramp. A smile is plastered on his face as he marvels at the scenery, embracing all the cheers as he close his eyes and widens his arms before coming down the ramp~
Belvedere: From New York, Brooklyn; weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds. He is the schizophrenic prince of wrestling... ladies and gentlemen give it up for, MARRKKKK STORMMMMMM!
~Standing by the edge of the ring, he lets out a triumphant roar, with the audience roaring back to him as he jumps onto the apron before he slingshots his way over the top rope. Dressed in his usual wrestling attire; consisting black boots, with black knee pads, wrestling trunks with his name written on them and with stars coming down both sides, tape wrapped around his elbows, and mixed martial arts styled gloves. He falls to his knees in the middle of the ring, looking up at the heavens as his theme music slowly begins to fade out~
~”The End of Heartache” by Killswitch Engage hits. The fans stand and give a minimal reaction to the struggling Jake Dangerously. He makes his way to the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope. He stands in the corner and looks at Storm~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Freddy Beach, New Brunswick, Canada…standing 6’0 tall and weighing in at 207lbs…Jake E Dangerously!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Big match for both men…Mark Storm had a tough loss last week and Jake E Dangerously has been lifeless since his debut
Hood: Hold on, Smith…I’m being told the clouds are turning…it’s getting dark. A storm might be on the horizon!
Smith: No, please...not again!
~Dangerously goes right up to Storm. Storm scoffs, finding this behavior strange. Dangerously slaps Storm across the face!! Storm’s head jerks to the left. He remains still as Dangerously looks around at the crowd with a smug smile. He seems really proud of himself. He yells out “I’M DANGEROUS!!!” The crowd boos. Storm still hasn’t moved~
Smith: Brash start to this match by a man who was dominated last week
Hood: Yep, we’ve got a storm brewing…the wind is picking up…better take cover!
Smith: This is ridiculous…stop your tomfoolery!
Hood: That tom was one tricky fucker, wasn’t he? Fooling people left and right
~Jake hops around singing some kind of made up tune “I’m fucking dangerous, ooohhh yea…mother fucking dangerous, woohoo! I’m dangerous, baby…yea! Dangerous…dangerous…DANGEROUS!! YEA!” He struts up to Storm who seems to be paused. He grabs Storm by the chin and straightens his head out. He uses his index finger to move Storm’s hair out of his face and then reaches back for another slap. Storm CATCHES his hand before it strikes him. Dangerously looks around…the arrogance has left his face…it is now filled with fear~
Smith: I doubt that song is going to appear on any radio station
Hood: Funnel cloud is forming, Smith! It won’t be long and we will have a touch down! Might want to head into the storm shelter or, if you’re a fucking moron…you could jump around and sing a retarded song
Smith: I’m okay right here
Hood: That’s pretty brave of you, hombre
~Storm head butts Dangerously!!! Dangerously staggers back. Storm maintains a grip on Dangerously’s hand and then uses it to slap Dangerously in the face!! He smacks Dangerously several times with his own hand. Dangerously staggers into the ropes. Storm stops and knees Dangerously in the gut. He then tosses Dangerously onto the mat in the middle of the ring~
Smith: Yikes, that’s embarrassing
Hood: We’ve got an EF2…it’s touched down…but it’s building…could get ugly!
Smith: Stop this!
Hood: No way, Smith…people gotta be informed! Didn’t you see that scene in Twister?
Smith: Yes, when the dad was sucked away in the beginning…very sad.
Hood: Huh? No, I’m talking about the cow. Had the farmer been informed then that cow might have been saved.
~Dangerously staggers around. He’s kind of like human debris at this point. Storm rushes in and kicks him in the head!! Dangerously flops onto his back. Storm drops a few elbows and then pulls Dangerously back to his feet. He hooks him around the waist, lifts him up and drills him into the mat with a Gut Wrench Powerbomb!! Dangerously is laid out as Storm looks into the crowd…they are already worked up chanting “STORM! STORM! STORM!” He nods along and points down at Dangerously before motioning down with his thumb…the crowd goes ‘YEA!!!’~
Smith: Well, I think Jake E Dangerously is about to become a footnote in OCW history
Hood: What was that? Was that you, Smith? It’s so loud out here…this thing has jumped up to an EF4 and it’s got no signs of slowing down!!!
Smith: Whatever
~Storm yanks Dangerously up and hoists him up onto his shoulders. He poses toward each side of the ring, receiving cheers from fans. He finally faces the camera…lifts Dangerously off his shoulders and knees him in the face with Dystopia (GTS)!!!! Dangerously falls limply onto his back as Storm places one foot on his chest. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings as the crowd goes wild~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…MARK STORM!!!!!
Smith: Wow! What a statement! What an impressive win by Mark Storm!
Hood: Storm is over, Smith and boy was it a doozy. It ripped right through town Dangerously leaving nothing behind but the smile of a man who was about to commit suicide.
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Well, he was about to off himself…luckily the storm came through and did it for him…so he doesn’t have the act of suicide weighing on him…he can officially be listed as ‘death by natural causes’ and it doesn’t get more natural than nature.
Smith: That’s ridiculous and a bit offensive. Regardless…Jake E Dangerously is out and Mark Storm moves up. Great win for Storm as his talent has never been in question…maybe this is the moment when he puts it all together.
Hood: Yea, yea, sure sure…I need a smoke after that…what a thrilling life storm chasing is!
Smith: This is a non-smoking arena. Let’s head backstage
~ The camera fades backstage and you see “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell inside the locker room. CJ is all set for his six man tag team match later against The Clientele as he already has his green wrestling tights on with a black t-shirt on that says “I’m Distinguished” on it. He hears a knock on the door and lifts up his head… ~
CJ O’Donnell: “Come in..”
~ The door opens, as in walks Josie Barnes. She looks at him, as she smiles, closing the door, while standing just inside the room. ~
Josie Barnes: “Hey CJ, got some time?”
CJ O’Donnell: “I sure do. What’s on your mind Josie?”
Josie Barnes: “Well you know my Rites of Passage is on Wednesday, and I been thinking about where to go afterwards…”
~ She stops talking for a couple seconds, as she looks at him. ~
Josie Barnes: “I think I know where I want to sign, and wanted to tell you.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Alright I hope it is some place that will treat you right and not have a bunch of drama and bullshit in it.”
~ Josie shrugs her shoulders. ~
Josie Barnes: “I doubt this place has drama if it did a certain someone wouldn’t already be wrestling for the place. I think they will treat me right, they already do you….”
CJ O’Donnell: “That’s awesome. OCW is gonna be lucky to have you grace the ring. What do Ethan and Heidi have to say about this announcement?”
Josie Barnes: “Heidi doesn’t know, but I told Ethan, he is happy for me. Thinks it’s a great choice. It all works out I think.”
CJ O’Donnell: “That’s good I am glad you stopped by. So I see you don’t like Ruby Rose that much? Why is that? As far as I know you two have never met or interacted before.”
~ Josie sighs, as she look down, shaking her head. ~
Josie Barnes: “Considering all I see from her is her flirting with this person, and that person...yeah I think you can do better. Besides was fun giving you some payback for Grayson last week.”
~ She laughs lightly, as she sticks her tongue out at him. CJ nods his head. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “I think you are misunderstanding Ruby she is from the south. They are sweet innocent and have southern hospitality. As far as Grayson goes I apologized to him the next day. I think you and Ruby should get to know each other better. Plus did I say anything when you went on a date with the metrosexual who doesn't know how to use the at button?”
Josie Barnes: “Yeah get to know her, I doubt she wants to get to know me even. She didn’t even defend herself CJ. Yeah the date with Patrick, a friend, who has helped me out with advice. Not like anything happened, or might happen. I just don’t want to see you end up hurt is all. Isn’t that my job as your sister?”
CJ O’Donnell: “More like a snake in the fucking grass but hey you went on a date with someone who in your mind flirts all the time just like Ruby. So wouldn't that be like the pot calling the kettle black Josie?”
Josie Barnes: “A little difference CJ, my heart isn’t getting messed with. I don’t care if Patrick flirts or whatever he does. I’m not dating him. I don’t plan on dating him. I can’t help what friends do, but it’s different when it’s a girlfriend, or boyfriend, but fine I will drop it. Didn’t come here to get into an argument with you, came for my announcement.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Not arguing just asking you as my sister to give Ruby a chance. She has never once said a bad word about you. Now as far as you coming to OCW you do realize will start coming at you hard because I adopted you as my younger sister right?”
Josie Barnes: “Good, I will give her a chance, but she does hurt you, you won’t be able to stop me from going off on her, or wanting to hurt her. I know they will, and I will welcome it. I’m not some little girl who can’t handle it. I will just give them shit back.”
CJ O’Donnell: “I know you will and can take care of yourself. Fine if she hurts me you can do whatever you want to her but she won't hurt me. She doesn't have a bad bone in her body. Hey did you by any chance hear from a secret admirer over the weekend?”
Josie Barnes: “Glad you know I can. I knew you would see it my way, helps you know I would even if you didn’t agree to it. Just remember what I said, those are the ones need watch out for, look at me. A secret admirer? No, but I was with Heidi and Ethan over the weekend. I didn’t really look at much else.”
~ She shrugs, as she looks at him. She was a bit confused on what he was meaning. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “You know you are always hanging out with those two. I don't think that is pure coincidence either.”
~ CJ smirks in the direction of Josie. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “I guess the heart wants what it wants huh?”
~ CJ changes the subject quickly. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “So do you know when you are going to debut in OCW?”
Josie Barnes: “Ethan was my first friend when I started my training. I don’t know, they grew on me. I see a lot of myself in Heidi. “
~ She shrugs, as she didn’t want to think on that. She smiles lightly. ~
Josie Barnes: “I would imagine in a few weeks. Give me time to do my Rites of Passage, and get things all set.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Sounds good to me. If you need anything when you start in OCW I am here for you Josie. Now enjoy tonight's Massacre as The Clientele is going to be taught a lesson. You can't go into war with a bow and arrow and expect to win against TIO, Meyhu and myself.”
Josie Barnes: “I know you will be here for me. One reason I am coming here. Teach them a lesson the best way you guys know how to. I know you all will win, and can’t wait to cheer you guys on. “
CJ O’Donnell: “Yeah tonight maybe we have a surprise for The Clientele. I sure hope they like it.”
~ CJ laughs to himself as we go back to Hood and Smith at ringside. ~
Smith: Huge announcement! We'd been hearing rumors for weeks about Josie Barnes and OCW and...well it appears as though it's official...she's coming to OCW!
Hood: Another pretty face...I can dig it!
Smith: She's more than just a pretty face, Hood. She's been training for this...she's put her heart and soul into professional wrestling and has chosen OCW as the place to showcase her skills.
Hood: Awesome...she fighting tonight?
Smith: NO! Do you even LOOK at the lineup card? She's going to debut in a few weeks...sounds like we may see her in ring debut on April 17th.
Hood: Ugh, that means I'll have to file my tax return before she debuts. Why do you remind me of such terrible things?
Smith: Relax, you'll be fine. You don't make enough money to get audited anyway
Hood: Sad but true
Smith: Folks, Josie Barnes is coming to OCW and I can't wait! She's going to be a tremendous addition to the roster. But now we focus on tonight and what's on deck...
Hood: And what's that?
Smith: If you'd let me finish, I'd gladly tell everybody. Next up, folks we've got Rebel taking on Drew Stevenson in a match both men desperately need to win.
Hood: I'm proud of Drew. He's really shown toughness this go around. He's suffered a few close losses but he's sticking it out. He's proving to be a real man. I think he's going to be around here for a long time.
Smith: I guess we'll have to wait and see...let's head down to ringside!
”The Emerald” Drew Stevenson (2-3) vs. Rebel (4-3)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen the following match is scheduled for one fall!
~The arena lights suddenly just shut off consuming the arena into complete darkness. The sudden engulfing of a massive bright spotlight shines down onto the entry area, the fans try looking through it but it is far too bright to see through it with the naked eye. Suddenly, the public address sound system comes on playing "The Man" by Aloe Blacc as the stage is still engulfed in the massive light. After a few seconds, the spotlight begins fading away and the arena lights return to life as there stands Drew Stevenson with his hands on his hips just looking out nodding as these fans boo him heavily, he just begins walking down the aisle sporting his usual attire which consists of dark green wrestling pants, dark green knee pads, boots and his hands taped up in dark green tape as well. He begins walking down the aisle until he gets down to the ring, he quickly rolls into the ring from under the bottom rope immediately getting back to his feet just pacing the ring simply awaiting for the bell to ring thus getting this match underway~
Belvedere: Introducing first…from St. Louis, Missouri…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 250lbs…”The Emerald” Drew Stevenson!!!
~The lights around the arena turn to red as the opening strains of "Slow Me Down" by the Devin Townsend Band play out, the lights flicker red and white. The camera swoops down to the entrance to show the silhouette of a man, his back turned to the camera, with his left hand raised in a fist above his head, the lights all suddenly burst on as a huge explosion rocks the arena. Rebel rotates quickly, pumping his fist at his side as he does, he begins the walk down to the ring, reaching out periodically to shake hands with the fans. He jumps up onto the ring apron and turns quickly, his arms wrapped around the top rope, again he pumps his left fist in the air then hops over the top rope. He walks around the ring, his fist raised, then stops in the middle, a bank of red fireworks sweep across the side of the ring behind him~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’7 and weighing in at 240lbs…Rebel!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Big match for both men…they’ve each fallen on hard times and could use a victory
Hood: No shit…Drew Stevenson was wrestling for the Savage Championship not too long ago and Rebel was challenging The Incredible One for the Paradigm Championship around the same time
Smith: You’re not telling any stories outside of school
Hood: Uhh, sure whatever…but, yea, these two are now in the opening portion of the show
Smith: True…the good news is that in OCW you can rise as quick as you can fall. Whoever wins this match will rebound and have a chance to return to the position they once held
Hood: And the loser?
Smith: They could be looking at a match against Jack Puffer
Hood: Dear lord
~Rebel goes straight for Drew. Drew dodges Rebel. Rebel runs into the corner but stops short of anything harmful. He turns around and is met with a knife edged chop from Stevenson. Rebel staggers into the corner. Drew chops him again and again. Rebel finally walks out of the corner, holding his chest in pain. Drew kicks him in the back of his left knee. Rebel staggers and holds onto the ropes to keep from falling~
Smith: Rebel, understanding the critical nature of this match, looked for a fast start but, well, missed
Hood: Dude, Drew is a star. I don’t know why he’s being treated with such disrespect…but that changes tonight!
Smith: He has been a star all over the world…but this is OCW. Many successful wrestlers have tried to conquer OCW and failed.
Hood: That’s true
Smith: But…I will give Drew credit, he’s fighting…he’s hanging in there…he could rise
Hood: I think he will…let’s go Drew!
~Drew knees Rebel in the gut. Rebel backs against the ropes. Drew measures him up and charges in with a clothesline. Rebel ducks and lifts Drew over the top rope. Drew, though, lands on his feet atop the apron. Rebel doesn’t realize Drew is behind him…he walks away from the ropes. Drew steps back in and jumps on Rebel’s back with a Sleeper!! Rebel staggers around reaching into the air for some imaginary rope or something~
Smith: Rebel is trying to break the hold…but there’s nothing for him to latch onto!
Hood: Nah man, that’s just his MUMMY impression
Smith: Don’t be ridiculous
Hood: Bro, we’ve already got a fucking vampire running around…is it really THAT far-fetched to think we could have a mummy?
Smith: Yes, it is
~Rebel finally leans forward and grabs Drew by the head…he whips driver over top and Drew slams down on his ass into the mat. Rebel knees him in the back of the head and rushes into the ropes…he bounces off and drives a second knee into the upper back/neck area of Drew!! Drew rolls to the side, holding his head and neck in pain~
Smith: Unorthodox move by Rebel…but effective
Hood: So, ugly but effective?
Smith: Sure
Hood: Kind of like masturbating
Smith: GROSS
~Rebel pulls Drew to his feet quickly and lifts him for a spinebuster…he sprints into a corner and slams Drew back first into the buckles!! Rebel hooks under Drew’s arm and tosses him half way across the ring with a hip toss!! Drew tries to slide under the ropes to escape. Rebel sprints forward and dropkicks Drew! Drew flies under the bottom rope and his body crashes into the barricade~
Smith: If there’s one thing you can say about Rebel…it’s that he’s athletic, given his size
Hood: DROP kicking a man while he’s down…is that what rebel rousing has come to?
Smith: I couldn’t tell ya, Hood
Hood: That dastardly Rebel…poor Drew is just trying to show us the way and he keeps getting beat up for it
Smith: Life isn’t always fair
~Drew gets to his feet and leans against the barricade, worn out. Rebel is on his feet looking down…he takes a few steps back and runs for the ropes…he grabs the top rope and does a somersault plancha!! Drew darts out of the way and Rebel lands on top of the barricade!! His abdomen busts across the top of the barricade and he leans into the crowd, head first~
Smith: Wow…I didn’t know Rebel had that in him
Hood: That’s what happens when you bleach your hair for decades…it seeps into your brain and fucks up your decision making
Smith: He’s trying to win a match…three out of his past four…don’t you think now is the time to try something new?
Hood: Sure but not that shit…I mean who ever told him jumping on top of the barricade was a good iea
Smith: He was aiming for Drew!
~Drew grabs Rebel by the legs and he shoves Rebel into the crowd. The fans get excited for some reason. You know fans. I guess the idea that a giant, sweaty man is falling all over them is really stimulating. Anyway, Drew wipes his hands against the barricade and he calmly gets back into the ring. He looks at Scruff and yells “COUNT HIM OUT!” Scruff begins to count~
Smith: Could we see our first count out of 2017?
Hood: I like Drew and all but I hope not…count outs are ALMOST as gay as bull rope matches
Smith: What’s, pardon my language, gayer than a bull rope match?
Hood: I don’t know…probably being gay
Smith: Okay, that’s enough…we at OCW are welcoming to people of all sexual preferences!
~Scruff hits the halfway mark. Drew casually strolls into a corner and relaxes. He doesn’t see any way that Rebel will make the ten count. Suddenly, LARRY the OCW Superfan rushes over and starts to revive Rebel. Drew doesn’t notice…he’s too busy looking out into the crowd and mocking their anger~
Smith: What is Larry doing?
Hood: He’s our super fan…he must really dig Rebel…that or he’s got a strong aversion to bleached hair
Smith: Probably the former rather than the latter
Hood: We’ll find out pretty quickly if Larry starts putting the BOOTS to Rebel…or, well, I guess he’s not wearing boots…if he puts the NIKES to Rebel
~Rebel RISES…with the help of Larry. He hops over the barricade and splashes on the other side. He crawls for the ring…his abdomen is red and irritated from the fall. Larry yells from the barricade. Scruff calls out “EIGHT!” Rebel rolls in under the bottom rope and the crowd cheers! Drew, having not paid attention to any of this, turns his attention toward Rebel. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head in frustration~
Smith: Nothing is going Drew’s way…he thinks the administration is against him and now, apparently, so is OCW’s Superfan
Hood: Fuck Larry, like seriously...that guy ditched out on his friends when we first met him, he’s a loser!
Smith: He has every right to cheer who he wants
Hood: Okay, fine…but what about HELPING them during their match? Does he have that right?
Smith: I’ll…I’ll have to look that up
~Drew hustles over and he stomps on Rebel’s head a few times, keeping him grounded. He lifts Rebel up and hooks him in a front face lock. Drew looks around as the crowd boos. He laughs and applies more pressure to Rebel’s head and neck. Scruff looks in on Rebel who seems to be fading~
Smith: As always, Drew is showing us his tremendous mat skills…he’s got Rebel grounded and is looking to smother him
Hood: So that’s the smother lock?
Smith: No, it’s a front face lock…I was just saying
Hood: The smother lock…I need to tell Dr Orange about this one!
Smith: Please don’t
~Rebel starts to power up. Close to passing out he realizes that he needs to break free. Still trapped in the front face lock, Rebel hooks his arms around Drew and lifts him into the air and over his head with a Northern Lights Suplex!! Drew plants hard and releases Rebel’s head. Rebel falls on his back as the two men are laying, side by side~
Smith: Not enough energy in the tank for Rebel to bridge that into a pin attempt
Hood: Or maybe he’s just not a fan of bridges
Smith: Everybody is a fan of bridges
Hood: Not boats…I’d think bridges cut into the boat’s wages. I bet boats HATE bridges
~Drew sits up first as Rebel is still feeling the effects of nearly being choked out. Drew gets to his feet and he pulls Rebel up. He whips Rebel into the ropes and goes for an arm drag. Rebel bullies Drew into the mat with a shoulder tackle. Rebel runs into the ropes…Drew flattens onto his stomach…Rebel hops over Drew and this the ropes again. Drew pops to his feet and goes for a leap frog…Rebel catches Drew and drills him into the mat with a Spinebuster!! Rebel pops to his feet as the crowd starts to cheer and chant “REBEL!”~
Smith: Drew got caught!
Hood: Doing what? Taking cookies out of the cookie jar?
Smith: NO! He tried to jump over Rebel and, well, did not succeed
Hood: Isn’t Rebel like eight feet tall? Why would an old white man like Drew think he could jump over him?
Smith: He’s not eight feet tall…but he is six foot seven and, I don’t know.
Hood: Drew IS white, right? That’s just a really wild tan he’s got going, right?
Smith: I believe so
~Drew staggers to his feet as Rebel is feeding off the energy from the crowd. Drew turns around and Rebel kicks him in the gut!! Drew doubles over…Rebel turns him around and grabs his head…he drops him to the mat with the Rebel Yell!!! Drew is flat on his back as the crowd is really into the match at this point. Rebel pops to his feet and hustles for the nearest corner~
Smith: Uh oh…this could be the end!
Hood: Damn…get up Drew, c’mon!
Smith: This would be a HUGE win for Rebel and an equally huge loss for Drew
Hood: Drew isn’t going to lose…you just watch…he’s going to kick up or something…I just know it. He’s the emerald! He’s got great hair!
~Rebel reaches the top and looks down at Drew who isn’t moving. A gust of wind blows through the ring…Drew’s beautiful dances around with it for a few seconds. His eyes remain shut. He’s sleeping like a baby. It’s so peaceful. So serene…what a moment for Drew. BAM! Rebel’s giant body slams on top of Drew!! The ring shakes from the impact as Rebel connects with Revolution (450 Splash)!!! The crowd goes wild as Rebel hooks Drew’s leg. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings as the crowd goes wild~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…REBEL!!!!!
Smith: Rebel wins! He avenged last month’s defeat to Drew Stevenson!
Hood: Damn…I’m so disappointed
Smith: It’s okay, Hood. Drew did his best.
Hood: Yea….guy did stick around longer this time than last…you think he’s done in OCW?
Smith: Hard to say...this loss won’t help, that’s for sure.
Hood: Oh well, wherever Drew goes…at least he’ll have that magical, fluffy hair.
Smith: Indeed…and, as for Rebel…he grabs a much needed win and takes a giant leap up the rankings board. I see big things in his future.
Hood: Rebel’s got guts, man. He knows how to weather a storm and stick it out. True determination…a real winner who doesn’t fold up when things get tough. Go Rebel!
Smith: Indeed! Let’s head backstage before our next match!
~Backstage, we see Dr. Jon Orange walking down a hallway, with Max Shade walking a couple steps behind. Dr. Orange has the Ascension Championship on his shoulder, steadying it with one hand, with his other hand tucked into his suit jacket pocket. Max has a look on his face like he'd rather be eating poop-flavored glass than be tasked with doubling as his insecure manager's security~
~The duo come to a door - the men's room. Dr. Orange breathes a small sigh of relief~
DR. ORANGE: Excellent, we made it to the promised land. So relieved. Terrific. Max, I need you to-
~A loud banging sound happens off-screen. Dr. Orange yelps and jumps about a foot in the air, then whips around and pulls his arm out of his suit coat - revealing a squirt gun. Dr. Orange nervously aims his weapon in a few directions, his eyes bugging out. Max hasn't reacted one bit, although he does seem to be looking at something specific off-screen. A voice calls out~
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Whoops! My bad! Dropped a box of waters! Sorry if I scared ya!
~Max half grins, nods, and does a quick two-finger salute to someone off-camera. Dr. Orange scowls and tucks his water gun back into his coat~
DR. ORANGE: Oh good, you're sorry. Great, makes it all better. Terrific. Here we are, trying to keep me and my client safe from Robert Morbidius and his wicked cabal of night creatures, and you're over here making with the jumpscares. What is this, Five Nights At Massacre? I'm an old man, for chrissakes, got enough problems with vampires and zombie managers and the inside of my suit smelling like garlic water, last thing I need is some minimum wage klutz giving me a heart attack. Be more careful, you dense ape!
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Wow, what crawled up your ass?
~Dr. Orange's look of nervous near-terror suddenly morphs into his usual doughy indignant sneer almost instantly. He whips out his smartphone and snaps a picture of the off-screen person giving him sass-back. He then bites his lower lip and looks at the picture~
DR. ORANGE: Excellent, I got a picture of your last happy moments of employment here at OCW. Fond memories, gonna cherish this long after I've gotten you and your troublesome mouth FIRED. Believe me, you'll never work in this town again, Dave.
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Actually, it's Randy, and-
DR. ORANGE: Aha! Fell for my cunning trap!
~Dr. Orange starts typing and talking at the same time, leading us to believe that he's typing the words that he's saying~
DR. ORANGE: "To Eastern European... Attached is a picture of RANDY, who attacked my client and your Ascension Champion Max Shade with a heavy box full of water with intent to injure, please ensure he will no longer be a danger to your valuable OCW roster..." aaaaaaaand SEND.
~Max gets a look on his face like he really, REALLY hates being implicated in Dr. Orange's paranoid delusional bull, but literally can't say anything about it. He glances in the direction of Randy and shrugs with a mournful "I'm so sorry" look on his face. Dr. Orange tucks his smartphone back into his pocket and reaches once again for his water pistol~
DR. ORANGE: Okay Max, enough with Billy Butterfingers here, back to business. I need to take a piss really bad, so I need you to go on point with your wooden stakes and scout ahead. I'll cover you from behind with garlic holy water support. Don't worry Max, I'm an excellent shot, did so well back in army camp. Those biters won't get even a sip of you. Let's move.
~Max closes his eyes, shakes his head, and slowly lifts up the wooden stake that Dr. Orange gave him. He saunters into the bathroom, stake raise half-heartedly in a "stabby-stabby" position, with Dr. Orange covering him from around a corner, his water pistol drawn like he's auditioning for SEAL Team Six. After a few seconds, Dr. Orange seems satisfied that Max hasn't been bitten or attacked, so he yells~
DR. ORANGE: Clear! Situation five-by-five! Roger dodger! Mission accomplished. Excellent job, first rate. Move over, Max, I can't do the deed if someone is near me. No offense, blushing kidneys. Cover the door.
~Dr. Orange stands up straight, adjusts his tie with confidence, and walks into the bathroom as the scene fades back to the announce table~
Smith: That man is a menace! Now he’s ruining the lives of innocent employees!
Hood: Fuck Dave, I never liked him anyway
Smith: His name is Randy!
Hood: That’s even worse…Randy is a terrible name. Glad he’s fired.
Smith: Hopefully Dr Orange sent the text to the wrong number or our on site GM has the common sense not to listen to that orange colored fool.
Hood: Hmm, let’s see…protect some weird guy named Dave or keep the manager of OCW’s best wrestler happy…hmmmmm
Smith: IT’S RANDY
Hood: Like it matters
Smith: Well folks sanity always seems to take a sabbatical on Monday nights in Key West…luckily we have the in ring action to bring us back down to Earth…next up is the Oh Shit Contract holder Damian K’ taking on The Demon Lance Savage!
Hood: Who the fuck is Lance Savage?
Smith: I’m not playing your games tonight, Hood
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall!!
~The lights turn off completely, making everything go black. "Underground" by Evermore starts to play aloud for the crowd as a spotlight shines onto the stage. Standing on the stage, in the middle of the spotlight is none other than 'The Demon' Lance Savage. He has a fresh bandage under his eyepatch. He stares directly towards the ring, not taking in anyone around him. He starts to make his way towards the ring in a slow pace as the spotlight follows him. The fans all bring out there phones. and bring them to life, showing more and more light across the arena. Savage reaches the ring apron, and brings himself up onto it. He steps over the ropes, one leg after the other, and he walks straight into the center of the ring. He stares towards the stage for a moment, before backing off towards a corner, where he stands, staring at the ground, awaiting the match to begin~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Parts Unknown…standing 6’6 and weighing in at 250lbs…”The Demon” Lance Savage!!!
~The screech of a guitar’s feedback over an amazing amp shakes the arena. The lights that brightly illuminate everything fade to nothing, submerging the whole crowd in total darkness. Smoke begins to pollute the stage as finally Gary Clark Jr.’s “Numb” begins to play. The heavy guitar instrumentals with the blaring drum is a clear onset to the large cloud of smoke. A single spotlight creates the shadow of Damian K'~
~He steps out of the smoke with a cigarette on his mouth and a pair of shades on. Loosely upon his shoulders is the infamous black and red trench coat that he commonly wears. He takes a long drag of the cigarette before jetting out a line of smoke. It merges in with the congregation behind him. Within the smoke, hands reach out for Damian, trying to grab onto his form. The shadowy appendages associate themselves with the cultist mindset that the First Son has. The man ignores their attempts and begins his way down the ramp~
~Belvedere: Introducing at this time, weighing in at a two hundred and forty pounds. Hailing from Silent Hill, he is the First Son, the Godslaying Beast, this is DAMIAN K’!
~Damian makes it halfway down the ramp, allowing the smoke to completely blanket him. The hands that stalked him had reached him, wrapping themselves around his form. He soon comes from the smoke, jacket off. He only stands there in his wrestling attire at the edge of the ramp. He takes a look towards both sides before ditching his cigarette and stomping it out. He enters the ring, sliding under the rope. He sits there for a moment, before getting to his feet~
~He stands centerstage, allowing the smoke to circle around him. The spotlight blasts upon him, casting a shadow. Damon simply stands there, foreboding. Eventually, the smoke dissipates and the lights comes back to normal. The First Son takes off his shades, glaring at nothingness. He heads to his corner and begins to stretch. With his back turned to everything, he awaits for the match to begin~
Smith: Believe it or not…this is the debut for Damian K’ in singles competition.
Hood: Wow, he’s never wrestled in a singles match before? What is he, some kind of Battle Royal specialist?
Smith: IN OCW…not overall
Hood: Oh, okay…damn, I was kind of hoping he was a Battle Royal specialist.
~Savage and K’ meet in the middle of the ring. Savage enjoys his height advantage, looking down on K’. He gives Damian a playful shove. Damian responds with a vicious forearm into the chest of Savage. Savage stumbles back and rubs his chest. His one eye looks up at Damian with surprise…as though he weren’t expecting that kind of power from his opponent~
Smith: Damian K’ might be giving up a few inches here…but he’s every bit the heavy hitter that Lance Savage is.
Hood: Yea, he’s not small, that’s for sure.
Smith: And, given his debut…you’d think The Demon would show a little more respect
Hood: He’s probably angry that the sore under his eye hasn’t healed yet. Damn things can be annoyed…eye sores and all
Smith: It isn’t an eye sore
~Savage lunges forward and engages Damian with a lockup. They teeter back and forth, both men attempting to gain leverage. Savage relents and knees Damian in the gut! Damian doubles over. Savage lifts a knee into Damian’s face! Damian stands upright and staggers back…Savage scoops Damian up and body slams him to the mat~
Smith: Nice response by Savage…he’s got tenure around here and I’m sure he doesn’t want someone as new as Damian K’ to step right in and hand him a loss
Hood: Tenure? Didn’t this guy join like last week?
Smith: NO…he’s been around…off and on since late 2014
Hood: Hmm, okay then…did he lose his eye in an OCW match
Smith: I’m not sure how he lost his eye, Hood. It doesn’t seem like the type of subject he enjoys discussing.
~Savage drops a leg across the chest and throat of Damian. He’s back to his feet quickly and pulls Damian up. He pushes Damian into a corner and lifts a few high knees into Damian’s midsection, forcing the wind out of his lungs. Savage hooks Damian’s head under his arm and lifts him up, vertically…he holds Damian in the air for a few seconds before dropping him into the center of the ring with a suplex~
Smith: Lance Savage in control early on…using a wide range of moves to weaken the impressive Damian K’
Hood: So what’s with the dash? Is he like really fast?
Smith: I don’t think so
Hood: Hmm…I’ve got to figure this out
~Savage stays right on top of Damian, pulling him back to his feet and hoisting him up over his shoulder. He heads for the corner and drops Damian face first across the top turnbuckle with Snake Eyes!! Damian staggers back…Savage positions himself behind Damian, hooks his arms around Damian’s waist and tosses him over his head with a Release German Suplex!! Damian is left lying on his head, folded up. Savage sits up and wipes his hands against one another, showing a hint of arrogance~
Smith: I have to say…so far, this match has surprised me
Hood: I wonder if Damian ate some of that cereal TIO tried to give him last week
Smith: I’m not sure how that would affect her performance
Hood: You know, SPECIAL K
Smith: It’s a very special kind of cereal, not your ordinary breakfast
Hood: Kind of like the SPECIAL Olympics
Smith: Okay, that’s enough of that!
~Savage gets to his feet and he grabs Damian’s legs. He hooks them and starts to twirl around with a swing. He rotates several times before falling back and sending Damian into a corner with a catapult!! Daman slams hard and staggers back both dizzy and stunned. Savage rolls him up for a pin~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Close one! Lance Savage was on a roll after Like There’s No Tomorrow…then he suffered a disappointing setback last week…a three count there would have…
Hood: TOTALLY REDEEMEND HIMSELF
Smith: Uhh, yea, I guess…
Hood: Dumb and Dumber? C’mon, man!
Smith: Sorry, but I don’t watch movies with the word ‘dumb’ in the title
~Savage stays on top of Damian, maintaining control of his legs. Savage leans over Damian, pushing his legs back where his knees are near Damian’s head. Savage then attempts to life Damian up for a powerbomb. The crowd rises with anticipation as it’s pretty impressive looking. Savage struggles but gets him up! Damian delivers a CRUSHING elbow to the patched eye of Savage!! Savage drops Damian to the mat! Damian hits hard! Savage staggers back and falls through the ropes, holding his wounded eye which keeps him from grabbing the ropes or bracing his fall~
Smith: That eye has been troublesome for The Demon lately
Hood: Yea, you’d think once you LOST your fucking eye that it wouldn’t bother you anymore
Smith: I think it’s karma for the stunt he pulled on Morbidus
Hood: Do you think he gets pink eye under that patch sometimes?
Smith: I’d say that would be pretty close to impossible
Hood: I always liked pink eye…you know, as far as a virus goes…it was pretty cool
Smith: Disgusting
~K’ rolls around, feeling the impact from the half executed powerbomb, along with the other moves suffered at the hands of Savage. The Demon remains on the outside, he’s on his back. He reaches up, slowly and feels under his patch. He removes his hand to find a bit of blood. He slowly sits up and slides back against the barricade. K’ gets to a seated position and stands. He looks out at The Demon and makes his way to the outside~
Smith: After all that Damian K’ is back on his feet before Savage…this guy is tough.
Hood: Tougher than a jilted wife in divorce court!
Smith: Or an ex-wife in general…
Hood: You would know, wouldn’t you?
Smith: And I didn’t even cheat on her…she cheated on me SEVERAL times, divorced me AND took everything I owned.
Hood: It’s a shame you didn’t know before the trial that your attorney was the guy she was cheating on you with at the time.
Smith: Terrible shame
~K’ hits the outside floor and throws a kick at Savage…Savage slides to the left, dodging the kick. K’ holds up before his leg slams into the barricade. Savage gets to his feet and he throws a punch at K’. Damian blocks it and responds with a punch of his own. It connects!! Savage’s legs nearly buckle…he staggers back. His one eye widens as he decides to put some distance between himself and the Oh Shit Contract Holder~
Smith: I don’t think Savage expected that kind of power from Damian K’
Hood: Why not? He’s a big guy…strong…and he has the ‘ in his name.
Smith: So?
Hood: So…you think he had it easy growing up? Guy was probably fighting people every day of his life.
Smith: I doubt that’s his REAL last name
Hood: Not me…I hear the ‘ saw a boom in name popularity back in the year Damian was born
~K’ moves with a purpose. Scruff finally starts a count. K’ catches Savage and turns him around. Savage throws a forearm into the head of Damian. Damian backs up. Savage goes for a lariat but K’ knees him in the gut!! Savage doubles over. Damian grabs both his arms and hooks him in a Double Pump Handle…he then LIFTS Savage up and DRILLS him to the outside floor with a Double Pumphandle High Angle Powerbomb!! The crowd gasps with shock as Savage is motionless and possibly crippled. K’ rolls into the ring and leans against the ropes, catching his breath as Scruff re-starts the count~
Smith: Damian K’ calls that Kingdom Come!
Hood: And Lance Savage is definitely headed to some sort of afterlife after that, I think
Smith: Let’s hope it isn’t THAT dire
Hood: I don’t know…a man with one eye, taking a fall like that…survival rate has to be lower than 3 percent
Smith: Whatever you say
~Scruff hits ‘FIVE’ as the crowd counts along. Savage isn’t moving. Damian reaches his feet and looks down at Savage. He then slides out under the bottom rope as Scruff is forced to break the count~
Hood: What is he DOING? Did he see some loose change out there or something?
Smith: I think he wants to PIN Lance Savage
Hood: Why? A win is a win…there aren’t any titles on the line, are there? Is there some one eye’d belt I’m unaware of? The 10/10 vision championship?
Smith: No…it’s just more definite if you win it in the middle of the ring
Hood: Really…so the win disappears if you DON’T pin some guy in the center of the ring?
Smith: Well, not exactly
~Damian picks Savage up and tosses him back inside the ring. Scruff rolls his eyes and stomps away after stopping his count yet again. We feel sorry for Scruff. He sucks at counting and to have to stop that much and re-start must be tough for the mathematically challenged homeless man. Damian steps through the ropes as Savage is on his back. Savage, with an unexpected burst of energy, kicks his leg and nails Damian in the face!! Damian is left out to dry across the middle rope…he teeters for a bit, nearly spilling out. Instead, he falls inside the ring, landing on the mat. Savage rolls away, still a bit worse for wear but climbing back to a solid state of consciousness~
Smith: Saving move by Savage…seemed purely instinctive
Hood: Could have been a leg spasm…those things happen
Smith: Would have been quite the violent leg spasm
Hood: There was the Great Leg Spasm Disaster of 1927 in Detroit…it was a dance competition and one of the dancers leg started spasming like crazy. Dozens of dancers were injured.
Smith: I’ll spare myself the time of looking that up and just assume you’re lying
~Savage tries to get to his feet but can’t…he falls back to one knee and then down onto all fours. Kingdom Come really did some massive damage to The Demon. K’ crawls over the middle rope and spills relatively softly into the ring. He gets to his feet and approaches a malfunctioning Lance Savage~
Smith: Lance Savage is trying but that Kingdom Come over the top rope might be too much to recover from.
Hood: That or he took a bunch of pills backstage and they are just now kicking in
Smith: I certainly hope that’s not the case
Hood: You can never tell with a one eyed man…especially when the missing eye was his shifty eye.
~K’ pulls Savage up. Savage throws a wild punch that K’ ducks. Damian knees Savage in the gut and he doubles over. Damian turns his back to Savage and reaches for his arms, hooking them like a person would for a pedigree. He rotates his body which places Savage onto his back with The Demon’s head facing the mat. K’d then drops to the mat and drills Lance Savage head first into the ring!! He rolls Savage over and goes for the pin. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…DAMIAN K’!!!!!
Smith: What a move!! Damian K’ calls that move Blood Red Summer!
Hood: What are the odds on Lance Savage’s neck being broken?
Smith: I don’t like to wager on such things
Hood: Pretty good, right?
Smith: I’m no doctor
Hood: True, this sounds like a case for The Knife Man!
Smith: Regardless…Damian K’ looked great tonight…he remains unblemished…there is no questioning his talent and ability. The only question I have…which way does he go with that Oh Shit contract?
Hood: I predict he challenges for a title in the near future
Smith: Top notch reporting as always, Hood. Now, let’s head backstage!
~The OCW tron flickers off and on~
“I don’t want to go to rehab I said noooo nooo NO!”
~Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab” controls the sound waves as the fans in attendance gaze up at the tron wondering what is going on. A voice absolutely made for movie previews stutters.~
“IG…. IGG… IG…. IG… I… I… IGGGGGYYYYYY!”
~The crowd fucking erupts into madness, cheering for their monster loudly. A chant quickly picks up~
“IGGY!!! IGGY!!! IGGY!!! IGGY!!! IGGY!!! IGGY!!!”
~Sexual sounds are heard following the voiceover, a woman moaning like a pornstar, the tron still flickers but remains black. Finally you see the back of some blondes head, big muscular arms shove her face into a pillow. Iggy’s mullet flapping in the wind caused by his INTENSE thrusting. He is really laying into this bitch something awful. All of a sudden the humping stops. The woman still groans, begging for more of that monster cock. The blonde spectacular muscle bound freak takes a deep breath, and much like the scene from The Exorcist his head turns all the way around, facing the camera.~
Iggy: IGGY HARDY RETURNS MONDAY NIGHT!!! HOLD ONTO YOUR SEAT CUSHIONS BABYCAKES! IT’S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE!
~With that, Iggy’s head turns back around and continues pummeling the blonde as her moans increase louder and louder as the tron cuts out.~
Hood: OMG!!! OHH MY FUCK!!! Iggy is a fucking mad man!!! I love this fucking guy! Absolutely love him!
Smith: You know we have children watching right? This guy does nothing but promote drug abuse, alcohol addiction, mental breakdowns, and now premarital sexual intercourse!
Hood: I am gonna go ahead and pretend you didn’t just sound like Hilary Clinton just then. Stop being such a pussy, and get yourself some pussy like Iggy!!!
Smith: Ludacris. Ludacris!
Hood: Ludacris fucking sucks! He can’t rap, can’t act, can’t do much of anything really.
Smith: Not the actor, you idiot!
Hood: ALL HAIL IGGY FUCKING HARDY!!!
Smith: Well, ugh folks. It appears Iggy will be back in action next week, his opponent to be determined.
Hood: He needs a title shot. Immediately. Book him against MJ Bell, NOW!
Smith: As soon as we find out his opponent, we will let you all know!
Hood: Holy fuck do you think that was some ‘intense’ computer generated affects or do you think that crazy mother fucker really just spun his head ALL THE WAY around!!??!??!
Smith: What do you think, Hood? Jeezum.
Hood: JEEZUM!?!?!?!?!
Smith: Fudge off, Hood! Well folks it's time for our next match. Last week Bob Grenier challenged Nathan Dravers to a match...Dravers accepted and, well here we are.
Hood: I heard Bob wants to be known as Bob Greniers if he wins tonight
Smith: Stop that...people are very protective over their last name Hood. This should be a great one, folks...let's head down to ringside!
Bob Grenier (5-3) vs. Nathan Dravers (4-3)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is scheduled for one fall!
~”Circus For A Psycho” by Skillet plays to amped - up cheers and Nathan emerges from the curtain amping up the crowd further. He sings along to his theme, slapping the hands of fans along the way. Leaps into the ring, onto the turnbuckle singing his theme and smiling cocky, but friendly as he's a face~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Denver, Colorado…standing 6’0 tall and weighing in at 200lbs…Nathan Dravers!!!
~”Smart Went Crazy” begins echoes throughout the arena and Bob Grenier makes his way out to a nice ovation. He slaps the hands of his fans while he mouths the words of the song to himself, about half way down the aisle he stops and looks up and throws both hands in the air in tribute to his deceased relatives. He looks directly into the OCW camera and then playfully turns it towards the audience before he slides under the bottom rope. The fans continue to cheer as he sits on the top turnbuckle silently awaiting his opponent~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…Bob Grenier!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Interesting matchup…Bob Grenier has fallen on hard times and he demanded this match last week. Nathan Dravers, meanwhile, has had some mental issues going on stemming from his lack of success.
Hood: Seems like there’s a lot of that going around lately…the ‘poor me’ syndrome.
Smith: That seems a bit harsh. But Nathan did eliminate Bob from the Oh Shit match at Like There’s No Tomorrow…so there’s that as the basis for this match up.
Hood: It’s one thing to eliminate someone from a battle royal…it’s another thing entirely to defeat them one on one.
Smith: I can agree with that!
~Nathan steps to the middle of the ring and extends his hand. Grenier looks at the hand and slowly approaches. He places his hands on his hips. The fans chant “Shake!” Grenier reaches out with his right hand and then pulls it back, scratching his neck as though he’s still deciding. Nathan looks around and urges the crowd on. “SHAKE!” they continue to chant. Finally, Grenier pulls his right hand down and he bypasses the shake SLAPPING Nathan across the face. He yells something at Nathan as the young, former tag champion staggers back, holding his cheek~
Smith: I think Bob is letting Nathan know that this is about competition for him
Hood: That or Nathan didn’t wash his hands after using the restroom
Smith: I doubt that’s the case
Hood: What? Were you standing outside the bathroom watching?
Smith: Uhh..NO...I’m just saying…Nathan seems like the kind of guy who would wash his hands
~Nathan charges at Grenier with his shoulder, shoving the former OCW Champion back into his corner. Grenier fights him off with clubbing forearms into the shoulder and back. Nathan’s legs begin to buckle as the force of Grenier’s forearms are too much for his frame. He backs away and runs for his corner. He charges in and throws a high knee…Grenier ducks and Nathan’s knee slams into the top turnbuckle! He turns around, holding his right knee and Grenier drills him with a lariat!! Nathan rolls out of the ring to regroup~
Smith: Nathan tried to be nice….that didn’t work…then he tried to take the early advantage and that didn’t work
Hood: And now he’s going to run away
Smith: He isn’t running away…he’s regrouping
Hood: Regrouping…another word for questioning one’s life and the choices they’ve made.
Smith: Hardly
~Nathan limps around, slightly. Grenier slides out of the ring. Nathan looks over his shoulder and speeds up a bit…but, Grenier isn’t going after him. Bob reaches under the ring and pulls out a table!! The fans at ringside cheer. He sets it up near the apron and slaps the top of it. He points at Nathan who is now on the opposite side of the ring. Grenier slides back inside the ring and motions for Nathan to get back in~
Smith: I think I know what Bob is getting at here
Hood: Yes, he’s obviously joined some type of SAVE THE TREES organization and is going to make Nathan pay for all that wood he destroyed at Like There’s No Tomorrow
Smith: Not even close…he wants to put Nathan through a table as revenge
Hood: Are you sure Bob just isn’t a really big ARBOR Day fan?
Smith: He likes plants…but not in the way that you mean, Hood
~Nathan steps up onto the apron, not one to back down. He hops onto the top rope and springboards off…Grenier charges forward…Nathan flies over Grenier and rolls to safety. His back is to Grenier…Grenier turns around and charges in with a kick…Nathan slides out of the ring. Grenier’s leg hits the bottom rope. Nathan sprints to the right, hopping over the steps…he slides back into the ring…Grenier turns around and Nathan leaps into the air, drilling him with a dropkick!! Grenier hits the mat hard~
Smith: Nathan Dravers showing his superior quickness!
Hood: What is this, hide and go seek? Geez
Smith: Well, what’s he supposed to do?
Hood: Put up his fists and fight Grenier…like a man!
~Nathan yanks Grenier to his feet and runs across the ring while holding onto the back of Bob’s head. He slams Bob head first into the top turnbuckle! He holds onto Bob’s head. Nathan places his foot on the top turnbuckle and rams Bob’s face into his foot!! Bob staggers back…Nathan jumps onto the middle rope and jumps off…turning in midair with a cross body!! He connects and remains on top of Bob for the pin~
1!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Nice try…but more work needs to be done
Hood: I know life around here has been rough for Bob…but if he gets beat by a cross body…dude should just fucking retire.
Smith: It is rare to see someone pinned by the move, I’ll admit that
~Nathan is back to his feet before Bob. Bob lumbers to his feet and turns around, facing Nathan. Nathan goes for a superkick!! Bod ducks and hooks Nathan from behind…he tosses him over his head and drills Nathan into the mat with a Full Nelson Suplex!!! Nathan flips over, onto his front as Bob sits up, catching his breath~
Smith: The elder Bob Grenier is having trouble keeping up with the younger Nathan Dravers
Hood: It’s all that fucking Yak Piss…do you think he KNEW it was actual Yak Piss or did he think that’s just what those weirdos called Mountain Dew
Smith: I’m pretty sure he knew what he was getting into
Hood: But Yak piss…like what the hell? Was Goat piss unavailable?
Smith: HOOD! Everybody knows you do NOT…under any circumstance, drink the urine of goats
Hood: But yaks are okay?
Smith: Apparently so!
~Bob reaches his feet…he finds Nathan already stirring. Bob shakes his head and mumbles something angrily about ‘millennials’. He kicks Nathan in the face. Nathan falls back to the mat. Grenier pulls him up and drags him near the ropes where the table lingers just outside. He yells at Nathan and points at the table. He then throws Nathan over the top rope…but Nathan lands on the apron!! He holds onto the top rope, preventing the momentum from carrying him through the table. Bob is visibly frustrated~
Smith: Bob is struggling more with this table spot than I think he anticipated
Hood: Fucking young people…they think they’re all cool because of their stamina and legs that don’t crack and creak when they wake up in the mornings…or not having to piss like 8 times during the evening…
Smith: I don’t even have to do that
Hood: Neither do I! I was just saying
~Bob runs into the ropes…he bounces off and Nathan reaches a standing position. Bob barrels in with a forearm…Nathan ducks and lifts Bob into the air! Bob goes over the top rope but flies OVER the table!! He lands roughly, crashing into the barricade. He remains on his feet…Nathan leaps off the apron and wraps his legs around Bob’s head tossing him down the side of the barricade with a Huricanrana!! Bob slides near the bottom of the entrance ramp as the fans start to get behind Nathan~
Smith: Wow! What athleticism by Nathan!
Hood: Damnit Bob…puke up that Yak Piss and get your shit together
Smith: What a nasty statement…can we keep the scatological references to a minimum?
Hood: I don’t know what that means so, therefore, I must decline
~Bob stumbles to his feet and receives a couple of strong rights from Nathan. He staggers up against the beginning of the entrance ramp. Nathan takes a few steps back and lunges forward with a superkick!! Bob ducks and lifts Nathan into the air and CRASHING onto the steel ramp!! Nathan CLANGS against the metal and arches his back. Bob staggers toward the ring, rolling and catching a breather~
Smith: Poor Nathan…he keeps missing on that superkick
Hood: Maybe he should, I don’t know…stop TRYING it so much
Smith: It’s the flow of the match, Hood…these guys just react sometimes
Hood: Well…whatever…what I want to know is if someone is going through that table. I’m getting tired of looking at it…like it’s mocking me
~ Scruff reaches ‘SIX’ ins his counting. Jonathan hurries out from behind the curtain. Bob yells at Scruff, angry that the brother has emerged. He encourages Nathan to get up. Nathan is slow, looking like he’s gonna be counted out. Suddenly, Who’Re comes running down! The crowd starts chanting “ORANGE CAT HEAD” with excitement~
Hood: ORANGE CAT HEAD!!!
Smith: I thought you hated that chant
Hood: I do…but like the crowd, I want to see her tits!
Smith: Oh geez
~Who’Re rolls her eyes and waves the crowd off. The “ORANGE CAT HEAD” chants die instantly. Aside from one clueless fan. He gets beat up instantly by the normal fans around him. The chant is now gone. Who’Re pleads with Nathan to get up. Scruff yells “EIGHT!”~
Smith: He’s gonna get counted out!
Hood: Too bad, so sad
Smith: Your compassion is really something
~Nathan opens his eyes and he spots Who’Re. Her cleavage is hanging out a bit. His eyes widen and his legs lift up…he nips up to his feet!! The crowd goes wild! He starts to talk to her but Jonathan points at the ring as Scruff yells “NINE!” Nathan nods and sprints for the ring…he dives in right as Scruff yells “TEN!” Grenier looks at Scruff and asks, “Did I win?” Scruff shakes his head ‘no’ and Grenier waves Scruff off in disgust. He then kicks Nathan while Nathan tries to get back to his feet. He drags Nathan into the center of the ring and drills him into the mat with an Implant DDT. Grenier flips him over and goes for a pin~
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!
Smith: Close one…Nathan Dravers avoided almost certain defeat twice in about five seconds
Hood: LIVIN ON THE EDGE
Smith: You sound in no way like Steven Tyler
Hood: It was worth a shot
~Grenier continues to grow in frustration. He starts to pound away on Nathan’s head with right hands. Jonathan and Who’Re, on the outside, yell at Scruff. Scruff doesn’t seem to see what the big deal is. Grenier spits in Nathan’s face! He pulls Nathan up and to his feet…he whips Nathan in the ropes and puts his head down. He lifts Nathan high into the air and crashing down to the mat with a back body drop!! Nathan arches his back for a moment before falling front first onto the mat and remaining motionless~
Smith: This isn’t good for Nathan
Hood: No shit, Watson. But that’s what happens when you make bad decisions. He could have been wrestling Shootah tonight, Smith. But no, he had to accept Grenier’s challenge.
Smith: Because he’s a true warrior!
Hood: Haha, warriors didn’t have pink hair…get the fuck out of here. They didn’t COURT whores either, they just fucked the shit out of them.
Smith: Gross
~Grenier points at the table. Who’Re and Jonathan shake their head ‘no’ in response from across the ring. Grenier flips them off and pulls Nathan to his feet. He tosses Nathan over the top rope. Nathan lands on the apron! Grenier yells “FUCK YOU!” and runs into the ropes…he bounces off as Nathan reaches his feet. Grenier lunges with a forearm…Nathan DUCKS and pulls down on the top rope…Grenier flips over the ropes and goes THROUGH the table!! It breaks into many pieces as Grenier lies atop the wreckage. The fans go wild because, well, that’s what fans do when someone goes through a table~
Smith: Grenier has nobody to blame but himself…he brought that table into play
Hood: It appears as though Nathan should have made this a tables match
Smith: Wouldn’t have been a bad stipulation.
Hood: Hindsight booking, Smith. It’s the greatest booking there is
~Grenier’s body lies atop the wreckage. Nathan looks down all wild eyed, knowing that was almost his fate. Jonathan and Who’Re stand on the opposite side cheering him on. Nathan hops down and grabs Grenier…as he does an OCW attendant rushes by with a sense of urgency. Nathan ignores the nameless employee and hurls Grenier into the ring under the bottom rope. He slides in and covers Bob. Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
Belvedere: Excuse me everybody!
~Belvedere’s immaculate voice cuts through the tension. Scruff’s arm stops just short of hitting the mat a third time~
Belvedere: But I’ve been informed that this is a SUBMISSIONS match!
~The crowd looks around, confused at first. They start to think it over and nod…they then begin to get funky with the idea…finding it groovy. They start to smile and laugh and then cheer. It gets over! Nathan gets to his knees and looks at Scruff. Scruff shrugs and points at Belvedere as if to say, “I’m just do what he tells me.” Nathan stands and walks over to Jonathan and Who’Re…they shout some words of encouragement~
Smith: Nathan had it! He had it and well the match changed on him at the last second
Hood: What the hell? Why did it change like that? Is this bipolar night in OCW?
Smith: It seems to me as though our management team FORGOT to inform Belvedere before the match. I think Grenier and Nathan had agreed to this match during the week at some point
Hood: Ah, okay, that makes sense. I blame the Make a Wish stuff…it’s distracting our legendary On Site GM
Smith: Seriously? I think he’s spent a total of ten minutes on the entire ordeal since it was announced
Hood: Yea? I heard it was twenty minutes…don’t sell him short, even if he is Eastern European
~Nathan nods, taking their words of wisdom in. Grenier is still on his back. Who’Re hops onto the apron…several fans whistle at her. She ignores them. She leans in and gives Nathan a kiss. One tiny fan yells, “TAKE IT OFF!!” She is appalled and turns around to spot LITTLE NATHAN FROM THE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT. Nathan leans in and squints. The mother is appalled. Who’Re recognizes the kid and shrugs. Nathan stops her~
Hood: Was Who’Re about to flash that little kid?
Smith: Absolutely not!
Hood: I think she was…
Smith: She is not that kind of woman, Hood. It’s simply an unfortunate name given to her by an irresponsible mother.
Hood: I heard they never knew her mother. Only her father
Smith: How is that possible? She had to come out of something
~Nathan points at the kid and gives him a lecture on how to treat women. Who’Re nods along with a very slutty look in her eyes. Suddenly, a giant CANADIAN arm reaches up and wraps itself around Nathan’s throat. Who’Re screams as Grenier yanks Nathan back and locks in O’Gormans Neuce (Dragon Sleeper)!!! The fans go wild…”BOB!” chants fire up as Nathan kicks his legs around while trying to pry Grenier off his neck. Grenier’s muscles are bulging as he’s got a tight grip. His lips are pursed…the veins in his head are bulging in a very INTENSE manner. He’s really trying to choke Nathan out~
Smith: Nathan took his eye off of Grenier…removed his attention from the match and now he could very well lose because of it
Hood: It’s the whore!
Smith: Ultimately the blame resides at the feet of the participant…it’s his job to maintain focus
Hood: Even when a kid tells your slutty girlfriend to take her clothes off?
Smith: I’ve fortunately never lived that frightening scenario
~Nathan’s arms slow. His legs weaken. Bob’s propping him up more than resisting his defense. Bob falls onto the mat, hooking his legs around Nathan’s waist, still wrenching on his neck. Scruff comes in and checks Nathan’s hand. It is lifeless. Scruff lets go of Nathan’s arm, it falls to the mat. Who’Re slaps the mat. Scruff looks over and spots her cleavage. He is drawn to it. Bob lets go of Nathan and hops to his feet with his arms in the air. The fans start to cheer…then they get confused when their more sober, observant friends tell them there was no bell~
Smith: Bob thinks the match is over!
Hood: Damnit Bob, you smoked before coming out here, didn’t you?
Smith: Well, in Bob’s defense, Scruff is a pretty irresponsible referee…it can get confusing.
Hood: I think that WHORE needs to be removed from ringside before Belvedere catches sight and loses his voice.
Smith: That would be downright tragic
~Who’Re quickly covers up. Scruff isn’t offended. He turns and goes back to Nathan. He sees Nathan on the mat, by himself. He finds Grenier standing on the middle buckle posting for the crowd. Scruff taps him on the calf. Grenier throws a kick at Scruff, barely missing. Scruff scurries away, scared. Grenier hops down and heads over to Scruff in a very apologetic manner. If one had to guess, they’d say these two go way back. Scruff explains the situation to Bob. Bob shakes his head and says, “You’ve got to be shitting me.” He sighs and looks at the mat…he shrugs, “Classic OCW, baby.” He heads back for Nathan~
Smith: Now that we’ve cleared that up…can we, ya know, focus on the match?
Hood: I don’t know, I think I’m enjoying this more
Smith: This is a submissions match! We need to get to the submissions
Hood: Man we just saw one…that ‘choke you til you die’ move by Grenier.
Smith: You mean O’Gorman’s Neuce
Hood: Same thing…a noose is used to choke people until they die
~Grenier pulls Nathan to his feet. Nathan hasn’t shown any signs of life since Grenier apparently choked him out. Grenier reaches to re-apply O’Gorman’s Neuce. As he does, Nathan kicks up and flips over Grenier’s shoulder. Bob’s grip was loose enough that Nathan was able to slip his head free. He hooks his arm around Grenier’s head in an identical manner…as though he were going for a Dragon Sleeper. He drops on his feet, pulls Grenier back and drops him with an Inverted DDT!! The crowd pops and chants “NATHAN!” as both men are on their backs. Who’Re slaps the ring while Jonathan lectures the young Nathan at ringside~
Smith: What a reversal!! These Dravers are really coming along
Hood: Bad life decisions, Smith…dating whores, waitresses, teaching kids how to act like perverts AND accepting challenges from former OCW Champions. Not to mention living in Denver
Smith: What does that have to do with anything?
Hood: It means you have to cheer for the Nuggets or the Rockies
Smith: You conveniently left out the Broncos
~Little Nathan’s mother starts putting the moves on Jonathan. He smiles and tries to turn her down as nicely as he can. Nathan gets to his feet and falls into the ropes. He uses them for support. Bob rolls onto all fours. Nathan coughs a few times, showing signs of wear and tear from being choked out earlier. Grenier reaches his feet and turns his back to Nathan. Nathan rushes in and tries to apply Dravers Death MK1 (Tazzmission)!! He’s got it loosely applied but Grenier stumbles into a corner and squashes Nathan!! Nathan releases the hold and slumps down~
Smith: Great response by Bob…had Nathan locked that in, this one would be over.
Hood: I think the weed is kicking in…Bob looks tired
Smith: That or the physical toll of this match
Hood: Nah, it’s definitely the weed. A sober Bob can sprint five miles up a mountain into a ninety mile an hour wind without a hint of fatigue
Smith: Doubtful
~Grenier staggers toward the middle of the ring…he turns around and charges ahead. He leaps into the air for a splash…Nathan ducks and Grenier’s smacks his head into the ring post!! He falters backwards. Nathan hops on his back and locks in the Dravers Death MK1!!! Grenier’s arms are limp. He falls to the mat instantly. Nathan deepens the hold…he writhes about, doing whatever he can to render Bob unconscious. Scruff bends over and looks at Bob…it appears as though he’s out. Fans start to yell “Stop the match!!” A cut from the post impact starts to bleed over Bob’s head. Blood starts to run down his face~
Smith: Bob busted his head on the ring post…he’s out…he needs medical attention.
Hood: That or his head just kind of spontaneously combusted
Smith: Yea, I think the ‘ping’ sound from when he hit the post is evidence that I’m correct
Hood: Why let facts get in the way of a good conspiracy?
~Blood runs down Grenier’s face and onto Nathan’s arms…he can feel it but doesn’t stop. He’s possessed. Blood flows down the back of Grenier’s head and onto Nathan’s chin and throat. He continues to wrench Grenier’s throat. Scruff finally calls for the bell~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….NATHAN DRAVERS!!!!!
Smith: Okay…c’mon Nathan, let him go
Hood: He must have never seen Frozen
Smith: So YOU’VE seen Frozen?
Hood: Fuck no…but you’d have to be a hermit to not know that gay ass song
~Jonathan and Who’Re slide into the ring as Nathan won’t let go. Young Nathan at ringside is inspired. He reaches over and starts to choke a kid near him. His mother is too busy staring at Jonathan’s ass. The fans cover their eyes as Grenier is a bloody mess and Nathan, one of their favorites won’t stop. Jonathan taps him on the shoulder as Who’Re is slightly emotional and a bit disturbed. Jonathan finally yells “NATHAN!”. Nathan stops and looks at his brother. He releases the hold and stands…he’s surprised by his own actions. Grenier is motionless on the mat with a puddle of blood underneath. THE KNIFE MAN calmly walks to the ring wielding his giant knife. He ascends the steps and enters through the ropes. The fans chant “KNIFE MAN” he waves at them while walking and his knife whizzes pas the heads of both Dravers Boys and Who’Re~
Smith: Our medic is out here to check on Bob…but, credit where it’s due…that was a good win for Nathan.
Hood: Much needed…he hasn’t won a match in, well, months it seems
Smith: Indeed
~The Knife Man sees the gory image of Bob and dry heaves. He turns and covers his mouth. Jonathan and Who’Re help Nathan out of the ring. He’s still somewhat stunned. They escort him to the back as little Nathan is pried off the kid at ringside~
Hood: That kid is a BIG Nathan fan
Smith: Yea, might be wise if he started liking someone else…him emulating Nathan’s behavior might not be the best idea
Hood: How do you know? That other kid might have smarted off or some shit…or, maybe that kid saw Moana and liked it.
Smith: Great movie
Hood: I’m gonna choke you out, bitch!
Smith: Well, on that note…let’s head backstage~
~The Knife Man can take no more. He orders security to come down and carry Bob backstage as he turns from the scene. He slowly follows them up the ramp as we cut backstage~
~We cut to a pre-recorded video from earlier in the week. Annie Alvarez is seated at the edge of her bed. It’s dark, late at night. She’s staring at the screen of her phone. Marcus Welsh is the background image. She taps the contacts icon and scrolls to ‘Marcus’. She hesitates. Her finger hovers over the call icon~
Annie Alvarez: No.
~She places her phone on the nightstand near her bed and stands up. She starts to leave. She pauses and turns around. She reclaims her previous seat and snares her phone. This time, there is no hesitation, she hits the call icon~
Annie Alvarez: C’mon, pick up. I don’t want to leave a stupid voice mail.
~She rolls her eyes as it goes to voice mail. She’s about to speak when a presence hovers near her bedroom door. She turns to spot Plethora the Perilous. He’s looking inside her room. She waves and smiles, hanging up before leaving a message~
Annie Alvarez: Was just checking on Canon, see if he wanted to hang out tomorrow.
~Plethora lingers for a moment. Annie puts her phone down and stands up, heading his way~
Annie Alvarez: Let’s watch some Netflix, I’m bored.
~She ushers past Plethora into the living room of her furnished home. Plethora quietly turns and follows. We cut back to ringside and the live feed~
Smith: Interesting footage
Hood: Annie has always been into kinky shit. I’m not sure what type of fetish that Plethora guy is but no doubt it’s wild.
Smith: I think it runs deeper than that
Hood: I hope it doesn’t go too deep…that could cause a serious injury!
Smith: Yuck…well we haven’t seen Annie since Like There’s No Tomorrow when she helped Marcus Welsh take down Scott Syren and Liljunglemna’s attempt at bringing Dean back into OCW. It’s nice to see she’s still employed.
Hood: Oh yea, she grinds hard for that money
Smith: I will make no such accusations when it comes to Annie or any other female employee in OCW
Hood: A girl could be named WHORE and you’d still act like she was snow fucking white…oh wait
Smith: Enough! Let’s switch modes here and focus on the next match. We’ve got the undefeated Max Shade taking on Robert Morbidus in a non-title match.
Hood: Yes!! Let’s do this!
Smith: Down to ringside we go!
Non-Title
Max Shade © (5-0) vs. “The True Living Vampire” Robert Morbidus (2-3)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following match is a Non-Title match set for one fall!
~The arena goes dark, then flashes blood red...Mr Judas then walks out first showing off his prodigy - Robert Morbidus. He walks through the curtain, looks around with absolute disdain at the audience. He then powers down to the ring, focused on the task at hand~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from The Other Side of Darkness…standing 6’6 and weighing in at 275lbs…he is “The True Living Vampire” Robert Morbidus!!!
~”Never Take Me Out” by Demigodz hits. The OCW Ascension Champion, Max Shade follows Dr. Orange out onto the stage. Dr. Orange is holding the Ascension Title and showing it off to all of the fans. He leads Max down the ramp. He stops, suddenly. Shade wonders what’s wrong. Dr. Orange then POINTS into the crowd and gives a few thumbs up. He continues marching as Shade rolls his eyes. They reach the ringside area. Shade climbs the steps and enters into the ring without error. Dr. Orange claps and says, “So talented. So graceful. Like a Swan.”~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’5 and weighing in at 285lbs…he is the OCW Ascension Champion…the client of Dr. Orange…Max Shade!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: It isn’t very often we see a competitor take OCW by storm like Max Shade
Hood: What are you talking about? Mark Storm does that every night
Smith: I’m not talking about an actual storm…it’s parlance, Hood. I’m referencing his undefeated streak
Hood: Oooohhhh, yea…gotcha
Smith: With all undefeated streaks…each subsequent match takes on increased significance
Hood: Yep…he’s got to be anxious…increased nerves…no doubt the blood is pumping at a rapid pace
Smith: Indeed
Hood: Which is probably great news for vampires
Dr. Orange: Gentleman.
Smith: GentleMEN
Dr. Orange: No. I said it correctly.
Hood: Great to see you too, Doc!
~There is a stare down taking place. Shade and his scowl clashes with Morbidus and his monstrous, emotionless vibe. Shade doesn’t really know what to do. Morbidus just remains in his corner, staring Shade down. Shade emerges and carefully approaches Morbidus. Morbidus remains still. Shade gets near Morbidus and reaches out, slowly. Morbidus LASHES out with a thrust punch to the throat!! Shade staggers back. Morbidus hits him again and again and again…stalking Shade! Shade falls to the mat, finally, holding his throat. He rolls out of the ring and falls to the floor, slipping while trying to land on his feet~
Smith: The True Living Vampire is not someone to be trifled with!
Hood: Fucking people keep going after Max’s throat…it’s a conspiracy!
Dr Orange: Conspiracy? Yes, it seems so. Max does have a strong throat. Huge larynx. Should be okay.
Hood: Does he do a bunch of throat exercises?
Dr Orange: He swallows steel twice a day. Twice.
~Morbidus steps over the top rope and calmly hops to the floor. Shade is on all fours. Mobidus kicks him in the ribs! Shade falls to his side, wincing in pain. Morbidus steps on the long, braided strand of hair belonging to Shade. He moves his foot up the braid, nearing Shade’s head. The closer he gets, the more it hurts. Shade winces and reaches up, trying to grab Robert’s food. Morbidus just presses down harder…he goes about as far as he can before his foot reaches Shade’s head. He places his free foot on top of his pressing foot and applies all his weight onto Shade’s hair. Shade grimaces~
Smith: Interesting strategy
Hood: I didn’t know vampires were such bitches! First his throat and now his hair
Dr Orange: That hair is stronger than a chain. Max will be fine.
Smith: Don’t tell me he works his hair out
Dr Orange: Of course he does. Max pulls cars using his hair. Strengthens the hair and the head.
Hood: He pulls cars with that hair?
Dr Orange: Did I say cars? I meant trucks. Big turcks. Huge.
~Scruff starts a count inside the ring. Morbidus removes his feet and grabs the long strand of hair, pulling Max to his feet. Morbidus slams Max face first into the mat. He rolls Max back into the ring. Max stumbles to his feet. Morbidus steps over the top rope, re-entering. He runs Max over with a clubbing forearm!! Max falls to the mat, holding his forehead~
Smith: It’s getting tougher and tougher for Max…this week Morbidus has taken it right to the Ascension Champion unlike any opponent has thus far
Hood: I think Max is playing possum…he’s trying to tire Morbidus out
Dr Orange: Exactly. Max is using his head. Vampires don’t use their heads. They only use their teeth. That’s why they always die in the movies.
Smith: Big vampire movie fan?
Dr Orange: No. But Count Chocula is great. Tremendous chocolate flavor.
Hood: What about Boo Berry?
Dr Orange: A solid choice as well. But nothing tops Count Chocula. I will bring you a box. Just give me ten dollars.
Hood: Here you go
Smith: TEN BUCKS? That’s an insane markup!
~Morbidus heads toward the ropes without any great hurry. He leans into them and bounces off…he trots toward Shade and leaps into the air for a splash. Shade sits up and catches Morbidus!! Shade works his way to his feet~
Smith: Wow! What strength and athleticism!
Hood: Damn!
Dr Orange: Best in the business. Max Shade. Future OCW Champion.
~Shade is looking GREAT! He tosses Morbidus over his shoulder for a powerslam…but he loses his balance! He staggers back and falls down near the ropes! As he does, Morbidus goes over the top rope and lands on his feet. He staggers back into the barricade but quickly composes~
Smith: Well it was brief but we did get a glimpse of what Max Shade could become
Hood: What are you talking about? I’m sure that was all planned out
Dr Orange: Yes the Moonwalk over the Top Drop
Smith: I have no comment
Dr Orange: It is a great move. Known to render men speechless.
~Morbidus climbs back onto the apron. Shade reaches his feet…he throws a perfectly placed kick into the gut of Morbidus!! Morbidus falls off the apron and lands back on his feet on the outside. Shade steps through the ropes and throws a roundhouse kick at Robert’s head. Morbidus ducks and picks Shade up onto his shoulders…he positions and drops Shade on the outside with an Electric Chair!! Shade is laid out as Morbidus does a quick, efficient sit up~
Smith: What a great counter by Robert Morbidus!
Dr Orange: Average at best. That Thomas Edison sitting apparatus is low impact.
Hood: I think the Tesla version is better, don’t you Doc?
Dr Orange: Absolutely, Tesla was a great man. Just like Max. Visionary.
~Morbidus gets to his feet with Max still on his back. Morbidus walks over, standing near Shade…he jumps high into the air, displaying great athleticism and he comes down with an elbow into Shade’s chest!! Morbidus is back to his feet quick. He pulls Shade up and whips him into the apron...Shade’s back THUDS into the apron and he staggers toward Morbidus…Morbidus picks him up and drops him with a Spinning Side Slam!! Robert remains seated, upright next to Shade looking very calm and in control~
Smith: Definitely the most we’ve seen Shade handled in his OCW career. The True Living Vampire appears poised for another major upset.
Hood: The True Living Vampire…aren’t vampires DEAD?
Dr Orange: Horrible creatures. Vampire movies are boring. Tiresome. Frankenstein is where it’s at.
Hood: I agree…like that Berta Lagazi…his Dracula movie, ya know? It came on AMC during Halloween one year…BORING
Dr Orange: Exactly
Smith: It’s Bela Lugosi and that is a classic
~Shade sits up. As he does, Morbidus reaches out and wraps his hand around Shade’s throat!! Shade’s eyes bulge as Morbidus clamps down and leans in, staring right into the eyes of Shade. Shade tries to break the hold but Morbidus has it locked in. Morbidus gets to his feet and he yanks Shade up as well. He looks for a chokeslam to the outside floor…he gets Shade up…Max, in desperation mode, lunges out with a knee into Robert’s face!! Morbidus drops Shade who lands awkwardly and stumbles back into the steps. Morbidus staggers back, shaking his head and rubbing the afflicted area~
Smith: Great knee by Max…he really needed that one
Hood: Was kind of bland to me.
Dr Orange: Very bland. Max should have done a Corner Hug Smash.
Smith: Would that have even been possible?
Dr Orange: Anything is possible with Max. Anything and, everything.
Smith: Well, okay then
~Morbidus re-focuses and spots Shade leaning over near the steps. He charges in…Shade moves! Morbidus runs knee first into the steps! He flips over the steps and splashes hard onto his back on the other side. Shade leans atop the barricade as he’s very winded and hurting from the offense of Morbidus. Scruff FINALLY starts a count~
Smith: Sometimes the best offense is an effective defense
Hood: Robert Morbidus evidently has a problem with those steps. I tried battling metal once…it did not turn out well for me.
Dr Orange: Did I mention Max swallows steel? It strengthens his throat. Swallows it. Like cotton candy.
Smith: You did
Dr Orange: Good
~Shade stumbles over toward Morbidus and drags him to his feet. He tosses him into the ring. Shade rolls in behind him. Shade positions for a kick…but he spots Dr Orange at the announce table. Dr Orange nods and does some weird hug motion with his arms. Shade sighs and picks Mobidus up. He hugs him and awkwardly drags him near the corner…like a person would carry a long, heavy object that they can barely handle. He then lifts Morbidus up, turns around and falls into the corner, crushing Morbidus into the buckles!! The crowd goes wild with “CORNER HUG SMASH!” Chants. Shade looks at his arm and winces in pain as it’s not an easy move to do…obviously. He shakes his head in frustration~
Smith: And a move that is quickly becoming a fan favorite around here…The Corner Hug Smash has just been delivered!
Dr Orange: Total devastation.
Hood: This one is over, right Doc?
Dr Orange: The fat cow is singing.
Smith: Fat lady?
Dr Orange: Fat women aren’t ladies. They are cows. Nasty.
~Max drags Morbidus into the center of the ring and goes for a cover. Scruff slides in for the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: So much for total devastation.
Dr Orange: Max wasn’t ready yet. He’s got more moves to show off.
Smith: Oh yea?
Dr Orange: Yes. Reminiscent of the time he defeated The Powerhouse. Strong man. Powerful. But not as strong as Max, obviously.
Hood: Of course not!
~Shade gets to his feet and waits for Morbidus. Once Morbidus is standing, Shade kicks him right into the gut. Morbidus doubles over and Shade is poised for another kick but, again, Dr Orange is within his eyesight. Dr Orange pantomimes a powerbomb. Shade, again, sights and he adjusts. He hooks Morbidus, looking for his infamous High Impact Back Splash. He gets Morbidus halfway up but stumbles…losing his balance!! Morbidus falls back onto his feet and stumbles to his feet. He stumbles into the ropes and bounces off. Shade regains his balance and is met with a Big Boot to the face!!! Shade falls to the mat, hard and Morbidus goes for a quick cover~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Whoa!!! That was the closest ANYBODY has been to pinning our Ascension Champion
Hood: Son of a bitch!
Dr Orange: Fast count. That was a fast count. I demand a new referee.
Smith: It was not a fast count.
Dr Orange: Fast. Quick. Sped up. Illegal count!
~Mr Judas comes into view for the first time all match. He stresses a sense of urgency to his client, Morbidus. Morbidus gets to his feet and heads to the corner. He sets up on the top with his legs dug into the middle rope, waiting. Shade gets to his feet and staggers around. Morbidus leaps off with a flying clothesline!! He takes Shade down while landing on his knees. Judas pounds the mat with his hands and yells more instructions~
Smith: Mr. Judas can sense the time is now for Robert Morbidus to end the undefeated streak of Max Shade
Dr Orange: What is this, Halloween? Horrible holiday. Fake Holiday.
Smith: I rather enjoy Halloween
Hood: I agree with Dr Orange…I’ve never had the day off for Halloween. It IS a fake holiday.
Dr. Orange: And why is this sad looking man allowed at ringside. What type of shenanigan is this?
Smith: Umm
Dr. Orange: This is uncalled for!
~Morbidus picks Shade up and clubs him in the back of the head a few times. Shade staggers forward…Robert holds onto his strand of hair like a person would a leash. He yanks Shade back and lifts him up for an Inverted Bodyslam! He drops Shade front first onto the mat with tremendous force!! Shade is motionless, on his front side as Morbidus rises on his knees looking intently into the camera. Judas slaps the mat three times. Morbidus nods~
Smith: Robert Morbidus is one move away from winning this!
Hood: Doc…this ain’t looking good!
Dr. Orange: We’ll see about this.
Hood: Go get em, Doc!
Smith: Great
~Dr. Orange stands up from the announce table with the Ascension belt over his shoulder. Morbidus reaches his feet and he grabs onto Shade’s hair…he slowly pulls on it one braid at a time until he yanks Shade’s neck back. Shade climbs to his knees and then to his legs. Morbidus lifts Shade up onto his shoulders as the crowd rises with anticipation~
Smith: This is it! Eternal Suffering…if Morbidus hits this, it’s over
Hood: Why is he so dramatic? He only needs three seconds worth of suffering. Eternal seems a bit much
Smith: It’s just a name, Hood…like yours, are you really from The Hood?
Hood: Don’t judge me until you’ve heard my story, Smith!
~Shade is draped over Morbidus’ shoulders…he starts to perform an Airplane Spin. Mr. Judas is nodding and smiling. Suddenly, this wild orange blur comes into view and Judas disappears. We focus in and see Dr. Orange standing over him holding Max’s Ascension Title. Morbidus drops Shade and goes after Dr. Orange. He steps over the top rope and drops to the ground. Dr. Orange gets one look at the True Living Vampire and begins to trot around the ring with the constant presence of Morbidus hovering behind~
Smith: He just assaulted Mr. Judas!
Hood: No he didn’t, Mr. Judas I’m sure deserved it. I bet Mr. Judas kept asking him to play Candy Crush or something stupid over facebook
Smith: You think they are Facebook friends?
Hood: Dr. Orange is facebook friends with everyone
~Dr. Orange slides into the ring to escape Morbidus. Morbidus follows him. Dr. Orange yells at Max who is on his feet. Max waits and then pounces on Morbidus. He goes for a spear but sort of misses it. Instead, the crown of his bald head drills Morbidus in the gut!! Morbidus stumbles back and falls through the ropes…his back slams into the apron…he flips over and his front splats onto the outside floor. Dr. Orange stands up straight, regaining his haughty demeanor and gives Max a pat on the back~
Smith: What on earth was THAT?
Hood: The raging bull rush, Smith
Smith: Oh no…you’ve caught Dr. Orange disease!
Hood: What you call a disease I call a gift!
~Dr. Orange instructs Max to perform a move of some kind. Max shakes his head and steps through the ropes. He is perched on the apron as Morbidus rolls over onto his back. Max leaps off with some kind of bastardized version of a frog splash. His knees SLAM into the ground as he makes very little contact onto Morbidus. Max grabs both knees and he sits up, sliding against the barricade, wincing in pain. Dr. Orange, still in the ring, looks down and shakes his head…he starts to complain to Scruff~
Smith: I don’t think Max was ready for a move like that
Hood: The ring apron is defective, Smith! Our defective equipment may have just injured our top star!
Smith: That ring apron is hardly defective
~Mr Judas enters the ring behind Dr. Orange. The fans get that ‘oh shit’ vibe going. Dr Orange turns around, sensing something. Mr Judas points at Dr Orange and rushes in for a clothesline! He nails it and both men tumble over the top, landing near Morbidus. Shade looks on like a horrified fan. Morbidus suddenly sits up! The crowd gasps. Shade works feverishly to get feeling back into his knees. Morbidus stands up straight and looks directly at Shade who, for a brief moment, almost seems afraid~
Smith: The comedy act has ceased…Robert Morbidus is out for Shade’s blood!
Hood: Mother fucking hell…this is why we can’t have nice things, Smith!
Smith: He’s defeated MJ Bell…he’s a truly talented competitor.
Hood: That was white haired MJ Bell…totally different from orange haired MJ
~Morbidus rams a knee into Shade’s face. He wraps his hand around Shade’s throat and yanks the big man with surprising ease to his feet. He clenches and strangles the oxygen from Shade’s throat. Shade’s eyes are wide as he struggles to one knee. They are near the Orange/Judas wreckage. An orange, chubby hand slides out…the Ascension Title is contained within its grasp. Shade snatches the belt. Morbidus tosses Shade into the ring by the throat…he rolls in under the bottom rope with the belt held closely to his chest~
Smith: Somebody needs to tell Robert Morbidus that Shade is packing some heat!
Hood: You profiling mother fucker
Smith: What do you mean ‘profiling’
Hood: Just because he’s from Chicago doesn’t mean he’s a gang banger….you small minded bigot!
~Morbidus climbs into the ring and grabs Shade by the hair again, using it as a leash. Shade stands upright and he drills Morbidus with the belt!! Scruff doesn’t see it because…ya know, it’s Scruff. Shade drops the title and kicks it out of the ring. He hoists Mobidus onto his shoulders, twists him for an F5 but drops him with an RKO!!! He turns Morbidus over and goes for the pin~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…the client of Dr. Orange…he is the OCW Ascension Champion….MAX SHADE!!!!!
Smith: They robbed Robert Morbidus of this match!
Hood: I blame Mr Judas…had he not got involved, none of this would have happened
Smith: He was simply trying to even out the odds
Hood: Seriously? Dr Orange was as innocent as Ernie…or is it Bert? Anyway, doesn’t matter…he was being all orange and nice over here…until Mr Judas stuck his nose in where it doesn’t belong.
Smith: Agree to disagree! Dr Orange is a constant threat to all of Max’s opponents and Mr Judas knew that coming in
Hood: Blabbity blah blah…Max Shade is undefeated and moves on…all is well
Smith: Disgusting...let's head backstage!
~Chad Vargas and Treat Cassidy are shown in the parking lot of the OCW arena. Cassidy has a clipboard in his hand as he’s going over something that looks important with his client.~
Vargas: You need to get me solid shit from here or I’m out.
Cassidy: Chad, you need to trust me. You need to relax and stop being so darn negative. It’s been a bumpy road, sure. But you can’t let a couple bumps deter you and throw you on the path of quitting. You cannot quit on me.
Vargas: I’m not quitting on you, I’m quitting on OCW and the pussies that run it!
Cassidy: What did Dr. Cullen say? Grab a couple victories and you’ll be back on top, confidence will race through your body.
~Vargas shakes his head.~
Cassidy: It’s all right here, Chad.
~Cassidy outstretches the clipboard to Vargas. Vargas blows off the clipboard at first but Cassidy keeps shoving it into him, finally Vargas grabs hold of the mother fucker and looks down at it.~
Vargas: This is it, huh?
Cassidy: Yes sir.
~Cassidy says with a proud smile. Vargas nods, showing a little approval.~
Vargas: I’ll give it a couple more weeks. But, if this doesn’t shake out, then I am going to be back on my boat floating down the Mississippi drunk as fuck by 9am as fast as you can say “fuck me runnin’.”
~Cassidy smirks confidently as Vargas hands him back the clipboard.~
Cassidy: Your time is coming, Chad. Trust and believe.
~The scene fades.~
Hood: Did Treat Cassidy just say “trust and believe?”
Smith: I think so?
Hood: I didn’t realize Cassidy had any ghetto in him, but he has a little!
Smith: He is from Miami after all.
Hood: True. What do you think was on the clipboard?
Smith: Genius strategies from the “ghetto” Treat Cassidy obviously.
Hood: I bet it was stick figure porn.
Smith: Idiot….well folks it’s time for our #1 contenders match
Hood: I thought PERZAG was the number one contender
Smith: FOR the Ascension Championship…Robbie Rayder, Chaotic and Assassin face off in a triple threat. The winner gets a shot at Max Shade in two weeks
Hood: So they are wrestling to see who will get beat up in two weeks? Gotcha.
Smith: These are three talented wrestlers…just sit back and enjoy. Let’s head down to ringside!
OCW Ascension #1 Contender Match
Triple Threat
Chaotic (2-1) vs. Robbie “Aire” Rayder (2-1) vs. Assassin (2-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…the following contest is a triple threat match scheduled for one fall! The winner will receive an Ascension Title Match on April 17th!
~"Respectful" by CFO$ begins to rumble throughout the building. Chaotic and Juliet Kelly comes out and greet the fans and then Chaotic jumps over the apron and the top rope. Chaotic takes off his jacket and goes on the top rope starting a "Lucha! Lucha!" chant~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Mexico City, Mexico…standing 5’7 and weighing in at 180lbs….Chaotic!!!
~The lights dim as a red siren light circles the arena. 'Indestructible' by Disturbed plays as Robbie Rayder, weighing his ring attire and color matching cape, walks out and kneels down. He points his index fingers to the ceiling then lowers them to point at the ring. Rayder looks out at the crowd as he walks half way down towards the ring, then pulling the cape off from his neck. He slides into the ring, front flips up, drops to a knee and points to the ceiling again, then lowers his index fingers to point at the opponent~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Vancouver, British Columbia…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 195lbs…Robbie ‘Aire’ Rayder!!!
~The arena lights go out for a moment as we hear a girl's voice scream out “I Hate Everybody” as the opening of “Walking on Bodies” echoes over the PA. After a moment we see Assassin come through the curtain to a chorus of boos from the crowd. Assassin stops midway down the ramp as he cracks a smile looking out at the booing crowd. Assassin continues down the ramp as he reaches the bottom looking at the ring for a brief moment as he looks at the crowd once more before climbing onto the apron and through the ropes. Once in the ring Assassin fakes going towards a corner and instead stands in the middle of the ring turning to his side as he points out towards the crowd and laughs~
Belvedere: And the third and final participant…from Las Vegas, Nevada…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 285lbs…Assassin!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: HUGE match here for all three men…Assassin is unbeaten…Chaotic has been very impressive, despite his tough loss last week and Robbie Rayder is looking to avenge his loss from last month to Max Shade.
Hood: Sounds like a ton of shit…I should probably write this down
Smith: Would you like a pen?
Hood: Nah, I said I’d should probably write it down…I didn’t say I was actually gonna
Smith: So how do you plan on remembering this?
Hood: That’s what you’re here for, pal!
~Chaotic goes straight after Assassin…he kicks Assassin in the leg…Assassin shakes it off and shoves Chaotic to the ground. Rayder rushes in, he kicks Assassin in the other leg…Assassin shakes it off and tries to shove Rayder to the ground. Chaotic, however, has returned to his feet and is kicking Assassin in the leg he nailed moments earlier. Assassin starts to lose ground as both Rayder and Chaotic are kicking at his legs, trying to chop him down~
Smith: Great strategy…target the larger man and immobilize him
Hood: Are we sure this isn’t a kicking contest? If it is, Rayder is ahead of Chaotic by like ten kicks…he is really fast.
Smith: It’s a wrestling match, Hood. You should know this by now…you’ve only been calling them for nearly twenty years.
Hood: I guess it was all the kicking that threw me off
~Assassin is about to fall over. He summons some power, reclaiming his base. He reaches out and grabs both Chaotic and Rayder by the throat. He lifts them up and SLAMS them into the mat with a double chokeslam!! Chaotic rolls out of the ring as Assassin turns his focus onto Rayder~
Smith: Great response by Assassin!! If they are going to use their advantage…you respond by using yours!
Hood: He really used his ASSet there, didn’t he
Smith: Please, enough with the mockery of his name
Hood: I’m just saying…you avoided asset pretty fiercely and chose to use advantage
Smith: Because I’m well aware of who is sitting next to me
Hood: The greatest man who ever lived, right?
Smith: A juvenile!
~Assassin stomps on Rayder. He stomps on him again. Rayder rolls near the ropes, trying to get away. Assassin grabs Rayder by the leg and drags him into the center of the ring. Rayder manages to rise up and stand on one leg. He hops around, maintaining his balance as Assassin controls his other leg. Rayder goes for an Inziguri…but Assassin catches the leg!! He hooks Rayder and falls back with a catapult! Rayder flies toward the top rope and goes over it, plummeting to the ground. He hits hard~
Smith: Another nice reversal or counter by Assassin.
Hood: So if this guy wins he faces Max Shade?
Smith: Indeed…for the OCW Ascension Title
Hood: Okay and what if the guy in the mask wins?
Smith: If CHAOTIC wins, same thing…it’s a #1 contenders match, Hood.
Hood: Interesting…not sure I’ve ever seen a match like this before
Smith: You’ve seen hundreds of them
~Assassin steps through the ropes and stands on the apron looking down at Rayder. Chaotic slides into the ring behind Assassin. He sprints forward and dropkicks Assassin in the back!! Assassin flies off the apron and lands, chest first into the barricade!!! He falls backwards, holding his chest. Chaotic gets to his feet and throws his hands in the air…the crowd mimics his actions chanting “CHA-O-TIC!”~
Smith: Great move by Chaotic and I think we’re about to see more!
Hood: Is he having a seizure?
Smith: NO! He’s simply drawing energy from the fans
Hood: So he’s stealing their energy for his own selfish reasons? What a dick!
~Assassin gets to his feet, still clutching his chest. Chaotic runs into the ropes, bounces off and dives through with a Suicide Dive!!! He rams right into Assassin, drilling his back into the barricade!!! Assassin slumps to the ground, grimacing. Chaotic is slow to his feet but finally reaches them and throws his arms in the air once again to get the fans chanting his name~
Smith: You have to hand it to Chaotic…he gives it everything he’s got!
Hood: His fucking arms are going to be exhausted if he keeps doing that…NOT sound strategy
Smith: It’s all a part of the emotion he extracts from this profession
Hood: OR…maybe he can’t see under that fucking mask and moving his arms like that is a way for him to feel around…figure out where the hell he’s standing
Smith: I don’t think so, Hood
~Chaotic stomps on Assassin. Rayder reaches his feet and spots Chaotic taking it to the bigger opponent in the match. He throws a vicious kick right into the middle of Chaotic’s back!! Chaotic arches his back and turs around…Rayder throws a kick into his chest! Chaotic falls to the ground and is seated on top of Assassin. Rayder steadies himself and he starts to throw stiff kicks into Chaotic’s chest…the impact squashes Assassin into the barricade. He throws kick after kick as the crowd counts along~
Smith: Rayder is probably the second best kicker in OCW
Hood: Did we sign that soccer player who bites people?
Smith: No, I was thinking about Max Shade…I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he is pretty nifty with his feet
Hood: What are you talking about? Max Shade is the Corner Hug Smash master…he doesn’t kick…idiot. But, seriously…can we sign that soccer player that bites people?
Smith: We already have Robert Morbidus, Hood. We don’t need another vampire.
~The crowd keeps counting…they reach ‘SEVEN!’ and Rayder stops. His leg appears to be a little sore. Chaotic’s chest is swollen and red. He falls over. Assassin is slumped to his right, leaning against the barricade. Rayder grabs him by the hair and tosses him back inside the ring. Rayder heads for the nearest corner. He ascends to the top and gets into position~
Smith: Could we see Aire Rayde?
Hood: Shit…that’s his finisher, right?
Smith: Of course it is! Haven’t you been paying attention?
Hood: Hey…I know it’s some flippy, spinny move…but EXCUSE me if I don’t know it by name
Smith: I would if it weren’t your JOB
~Rayder looks prepared to deliver his devastating finisher. A hand reaches up, followed by a mask…it’s Chaotic! He grabs Rayder’s left foot. Rayder tries to kick Chaotic away. Chaotic is hanging on, desperately. Assassin sits up and slowly rises. Rayder finally kicks Chaotic away. He turns and sees Assassin on his feet. He adjusts and leaps off with a missile dropkick into Assassin’s face!! Assassin falls to the mat hard~
Smith: Rayder was close to sealing the win but Chaotic did what he had to do to prolong the match.
Hood: Guy must have great hearing because there’s no way he was able to see Rayder through that mask
Smith: We’ve been over this mask thing so much I don’t feel like discussing it any further
Hood: Do you think those eye patches are mini tv’s on the inside? Like they are airing the STARZ broadcast so Chaotic can see what’s happening…that would explain A LOT
Smith: No…that is way more far-fetched than the rational notion that he can SEE through his mask.
~Rayder gets to his feet and stands over Assassin…he then runs into the ropes…Chaotic jumps through the ropes and spears Rayder into the mat!! The crowd goes wild! Chaotic leaps to his feet and feeds off the crowd’s energy. Assassin sits up and Chaotic sprints toward him with a running knee into his face. Assassin flattens out and Chaotic goes for a quick pin~
1!
Kick Out!
Smith: Quick kick out for Assassin but Chaotic is in control
Hood: Fucking guy came out of nowhere…how did he jump through the ropes like that?
Smith: He just fit through them…like a suicide dive
Hood: I hate that name…suicide dive. Not ONCE has anybody succeeded in committing suicide on OCW programming while performing it.
Smith: And thank goodness for that!
~Chaotic seems a little frustrated but overall, he’s okay. He hurries to his feet…Rayder is still down from the spear. Assassin reaches his feet, slowly. Chaotic goes for a huricanrana on Assassin…but Assassin holds on…he lifts Chaotic up and powerbombs him into the mat!! He holds on as though he’s going to powerbomb Chaotic again. Out of nowhere comes Rayder! Rayder superkicks Assassin in the face!! Assassin lets go of Chaotic and falls against the ropes. Rayder sprints in and clotheslines Assassin over the top rope all the way to the floor~
Smith: Great speed and agility by Robbie Rayder! He’s my pick to win this
Hood: Okay…so here’s something that I’ve been thinking about. Does that mean that every wrestler who attempts a suicide dive is depressed?
Smith: Hood…it’s just a name for a wrestling move
Hood: I don’t know man…I think we might have a lot of depressed wrestlers. And, if you think about it…most people who DO suicide dives are the shorter wrestlers. The depression might stem from an insecurity over their lack of size.
Smith: Just stop…you have nothing in common with Freud aside from perversion
Hood: Whoa…what type of perversion? Because there’s the okay perversion and then there’s that really weird type of perversion.
Smith: Legal aged female perversion
Hood: Okay, I can deal with that
~Rayder looks down at Assassin, taking his focus off the ring for a moment. Chaotic crawls in and rolls Rayder up! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Great heads up play by Chaotic…he didn’t get the win, but he got closer than anybody has this entire match.
Hood: Masked people are fucking sneaky
Smith: If you say so
Hood: I do say so. By the way, do you think Chaotic gets candy every time he knocks on someone’s door?
Smith: I hope not, that might be bad for his conditioning and physique.
Hood: Hmm, so he lives in a neighborhood full of dentists, then? Getting gay shit like floss and tooth brushes…poor guy
~Rayder kicks out with tremendous force, sending Chaotic bounding toward the corner. He snares the ropes, preventing impact. He turns around and is drilled in the head with an enziguri!! He flails through the ropes, landing roughly on the outside. Rayder takes a moment, as anyone would do, to look down at Chaotic. Assassin sneaks up behind, hooks him and drills Rayder into the mat with a Full Nelson Slam!!! Rayder flattens out as Assassin leans against the ropes to rest~
Smith: That was some quickness by Assassin to get back into the ring and sneak up on Rayder like that.
Hood: Well he IS an Assassin, Smith. Being sneaky is sort of entrenched within the job description
Smith: Excuse me if I haven’t met many assassins
Hood: That you KNOW of…they are everywhere, Smith. Hiding in plain sight
Smith: Stop it, you’re scaring me
~Assassin pulls Rayder up and knees him a few times in the midsection. Outside Chaotic is on his feet, holding his right shoulder. Assassin spots the masked man and lifts Rayder up for a powerbomb. He walks to the ropes and he throws Rayder at Chaotic. Chaotic halfway catches Rayder but he falls back with Rayder landing roughly on top of him. The fans get to their feet and stare over the barricade at Chaotic and Rayder…the two men are laid out and breathing heavily. Assassin stands near the ropes, continuing to gather his wind before making his way out there~
Smith: All this action is taking it out of Assassin
Hood: Yea, guy could probably stand to cut some weight
Smith: I don’t think so…he’s in great condition. It’s just that Chaotic and Robbie Rayder are two of the most athletic wrestlers we have.
Hood: Behind Max Shade, of course
Smith: Okay, Dr. Orange
~Chaotic shoves Rayder off him. Rayder rolls over, onto his stomach. Chaotic stands, sloppily. He leans against the barricade. Assassin jumps off with a splash…Chaotic moves and Assassin dives into the barricade!! He hangs out to dry with the top of the barricade jammed into his midsection. Rayder gets to his feet, slowly…he looks over at Chaotic. Chaotic nods. They grab Assassin, lift him off the barricade and slam him to the floor with a spinebuster~
Smith: Nice double team on the big man there!
Hood: Fucking Chaotic…he talks all that shit and then works WITH Robbie Rayder?
Smith: In the heat of the match, Hood.
Hood: I’m thinking this is a different guy. It is a mask, after all. We have no idea who’s under there.
~Rayder lets his guard down for a moment and receives a kick into the gut. Chaotic throws him into the ring under the bottom rope. He hops onto the apron and rushes to the nearest corner. He quickly ascends to the top as Rayder is on his back. He leaps off for his shooting star press!! Rayder gets his knees up into Chaotic’s abdomen!! Chaotic rolls off kicking his legs into the mat, writhing in pain~
Smith: Great counter by Aire Rayder! Had he not been able to get those knees up, this match would be over.
Hood: How does that not hurt his knees?
Smith: Because he has excellent padding
Hood: I think we need to check those knee pads out
~Rayder pulls Chaotic to his feet and hits him in the side of the mask with a few forearms. Assassin rolls into the ring behind him. Rayder knees Chaotic in the gut. He kicks him in the right leg, then the left. He turns around in the blink of an eye and mule kicks Chaotic in the stomach!! Chaotic falls through the ropes and lands on the apron. Assassin walks up behind Rayder and head butts him in the back of the head. Rayder staggers into the ropes. Assassin shoots him off the ropes, across the ring. Rayder hits the opposite ropes and leaps through the air with a Sick Kick into Assassin’s face!! Assassin falls to his back, near the center of the ring. Rayder nips up and points to the nearest buckle…the fans go wild~
Smith: Uh oh!! He’s going for Aire Rayde!! If he hits this, it’s over.
Hood: Fucking Assassin…no wonder he’s a wrestler. Nobody would PAY that guy to kill anyone
Smith: He kind of snuck up on Rayder
Hood: Yea but then had his ass handed to him seconds later.
~Rayder exits the ropes and heads for the corner. He reaches the top and stands up straight. He loses his balance a bit, causing him to hesitate. He straightens up and takes a deep breath. Suddenly Chaotic’s arms fly into view! He SHOVES Rayder off the top!! Rayder plummets down, landing chest first across the barricade! He rolls around kicking his legs. Chaotic begins to climb as the fans rise to their feet~
Smith: What a fortuitous turn of events for Chaotic!
Hood: Fortuitous my ass…he made that shit happen
Smith: Good point
Hood: That fucking mask fooled Rayder. He probably thought Chaotic was asleep. You see, with that mask on, you can never tell if their eyes are open or not. Makes faking sleep much easier
~Chaotic stands at the top and looks down at Assassin. He leaps off and connects with the Shooting Star Press!! Chaotic covers Assassin as Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner and the #1 Contender to the Ascension Championship…CHAOTIC!!!!!
Smith: What an upset!
Hood: Masked people everywhere can rejoice, I guess
Smith: Robbie Rayder was the overwhelming favorite tonight but…he came up just short.
Hood: I’m beginning to think PRYDE may be under that mask…he was a sneaky, mask wearing fucker, after all.
Smith: It isn’t Pryde.
Hood: You saying Chaotic isn’t as good as Pryde
Smith: No comment…back to Rayder…he seemed off tonight, like he didn’t bring his ‘A’ game.
Hood: Probably because he assumed fighting a man in a mask would be easy. I know I would have
Smith: Regardless…Chaotic emerges victorious in a huge upset and will take on Max Shade in two weeks for the Ascension Championship
Hood: And what about Assassin?
Smith: Disappointing effort…but I’m sure he’ll rebound
Hood: Can Assassin’s be assassinated?
Smith: Probably
Hood: I wonder what you call an assassin who kills assassins? A Cannibalassin?
Smith: I wouldn’t even know where to begin…folks, let’s head backstage!
~We cut backstage where EE is combing his hair with fork. Barry Man is Low is holding the trash bag full of letters. The Knife Man stands with his hand extended. Barry hands him a letter. The Knife Man dives in viciously with his knife but manages to make a very neat, perfect slit across the top. He removes the letter and reads~
The Knife Man: Dear OCW…my name is Kevin and I’ve been a wrestling fan all my life. Ever since I was diagnosed with…
Eastern European: BORING!
~EE rolls his eyes and motions for The Knife Man to throw the letter away. The Knife Man sighs~
The Knife Man: But sir, this Kevin child has a serious disease. I really wish you’d hear him out. At least we could send him some money or maybe his favorite OCW superstar to his next party?
Eastern European: This is not charity! This is Make a Wish…toss letter away…who you think we are, Carfashians? We not made of money, Slice Man!
~The Knife Man lowers his head and nearly sheds a tear. He tosses the letter into a nearby trash can which is half full of similarly rejected letters from ailing children. Barry Man is Low shakes the trash bag he’s holding…The Knife Man lunges forward with his knife, stabbing inside the bag. Barry and EE freeze with fear. He slowly pulls his arm out to show that a letter is neatly secured on the edge of his knife. EE releases an anxious sigh as Barry wipes his brow with his arm~
Eastern European: Scare me every time!
~Barry Man is Low nods. The Knife Man SLICES the top of the envelope. It’s a bland, white envelope. It’s dirty. It looks like it’s been through hell. He removes the letter which is crumpled and has a few yellow looking stains on it. The Knife Man pinches his nose~
The Knife Man: Sir, there is a foul stench emanating from this letter. Shall I toss it?
Eastern European: No way my jose…we have to be reading all the letters until one is ready made for winning!
~The Knife Man begins to read the sloppy letter~
The Knife Man: Yo. So like my CO done told me bout this thing ya’ll havin about some charity n shit. And, like, check this. I caught a hot one several years back and it looks like I’m headin straight for that back door parole.
~The Knife Man pauses, anticipating EE to stop him~
Eastern European: Why you stop? This interesting! Keep going!
The Knife Man: So anyway it be real cool n shit if you brought one of them shows down here on the river. I been goin to the hoop so often to keep them boys off me. I finally told them bout havin you all put on a show here so they leave me alone. Ya know what Im sayin?
~The Knife Man sighs and moves to toss the letter away. EE stops him~
Eastern European: You no throw away! Keep reading!
The Knife Man: So yo like hit me back. I wont be round much longer. They gon do away with me sometime in June.
~The Knife Man finishes and looks up at EE. EE’s eyes seem a little glassy~
Eastern European: So he die in June?
The Knife Man: Yes, but I don’t think it’s due to…
Eastern European: This tragedy. The way he speak, it seem so familiar to me. I relate to him and feel his heart. Where letter come from?
~The Knife Man looks at the envelope. The return address shows Angola, Louisiana~
Eastern European: I know nothing of that place. So you and the whore will be down there next week. We make this happen. This our guy.
The Knife Man: But sir! This man’s language is deplorable and it sounds as though he’s some kind of criminal. I plead with you…can we keep reading?
Eastern European: Nope, my mind is made. Leave now, I have business to discuss with people. Go!
~The Knife Man hangs his head and exits EE’s office. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: It appears as though our On Site GM has found a winner for the Make a Wish Contest!
Hood: Or a LOSER…seriously, I think that letter was written from someone in prison
Smith: Let’s hope not…maybe it’s just a kid from the DEEP south
Hood: I don’t know…next week should be interesting
Smith: If this potential winner is a prisoner…no doubt Who’Re and The Knife Man will end this charade and we’ll nominate someone far more deserving
Hood: You act like they have power…I predict this will all end in disaster
Smith: I hope you’re wrong. Well folks we’ve got an exciting announcement…OCW Survivor was revealed last week and it starts THIS Friday. Let’s take a look at a quick promo!
~Some kind of weird horn sounds. It’s like the one from CBS Survivor only cheaper and more CLASSIC OCW. We are shown a thicket of bushes. JOCK Reasoning steps through with his boyish smile. He trips over what looks like a cord. He looks over at someone. A voice whispers, “pretend it’s a snake”. Jock nods and looks at the camera~
Jock Reasoning: Hey OCW! JOCK Reasoning here and I will be your host for OCW Survivor!! OCW Survivor airs THIS Friday at 9pm central right here on STARZ. This season will feature twists, turns, hidden immunity idols, treachery and some of that classic OCW you’re all accustomed to. How will the OCW superstars deal with nature and the creatures of the Amazon…like that skinny snake I just tripped over? Tune in to find out!
~A shot of the cast flashes. We see several big names of today as well as yesteryear~
Jock Reasoning: As you can see, the cast assembled features former champions, hall of famers, current champions and rookies…including the newest member of OCW…Josie Barnes! She will be competing on the Paradigm Tribe!
~The ‘Reserved’ image disappears and Josie Barnes appears in its place~
Jock Reasoning: So, be sure to tune in for the debut episode in what people are calling the greatest thing to happen in professional wrestling since the body slam! See you guys in a few days!
~We fade out and into EE’s office~
~EE is smiling and doing his finger extended slow clap~
Eastern European: This great! People say this best thing since bread that is sliced! I am loving it!
~Cap Slock enters with Randy the employee who offended Dr. Orange. EE frowns~
Eastern European: This the Dave?
Cap Slock: YES SIR THIS IS HIM.
Eastern European: The Dave…you offend Orange doctor, I set fire to you! Be gone as I take termination and place it on your contract!
~’Dave’ smiles as he nods and leaves. Cap Slock seems disheartened. They are walking through the doorway~
Cap Slock: SORRY ABOUT THIS DAVE. I THINK IT’S AN INJUSTICE. IF THERE’S ANYTHING I CAN DO YOU JUST LET ME KNOW.
’Dave’: Actually, the joke is on them. My name is Randy, not Dave. So I’m not really fired…hehehehe
Cap Slock: WHAT’S THAT? YOUR NAME IS REALLY RANDY? WELL THAT IS GREAT! I’D KEEP THAT QUIET IF I WERE YOU.
Eastern European: What this?!
~Eastern European overheard Cap Slock from right outside his doorway. Randy lowers his head in depression. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: I’m not sure that guy could keep quiet next to a speaker at a rock concert
Hood: Serves Dave right, trying to cheat the system!
Smith: I hope he lands on his feet
Hood: I don’t see any feline in him, so he’ll land flat on his ass
Smith: Let’s hope not…well folks, it’s main event time. The Clientele and The Aptitude have been taking shot at one another for weeks…it’s been boiling and now we’re seeing it spill over. Tonight they finally get to settle their issues where it counts
Hood: In court?
Smith: No, inside the wrestling ring
Hood: Oh cool…Let’s go Aptitude!!!
Smith: Down to ringside we go, folks…it’s main event time!
The Aptitude vs The Clientele
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for our Main Event of the evening!!
~The crowd goes wild. Several chants spring up…chants for MJ Bell, Chad Vargas, Mack O’Connor and The Clientele are all mashed together giving the arena a very electric, riotous vibe~
Belvedere: It is a six person tag match scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, representing The Clientele…
~The opening chords of Lynyrd Skynyd’s “Needle and the Spoon” controls the sound system as a voice over shouts ‘King Kong ain’t got shit on me!” as “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas emerges onto the ramp, his arms raised in the air. He takes a few steps forward as orange, blue, and white pyros blast from behind him. Vargas turns, eyes wide as he smirks reveling in his entrance. He slowly struts down the aisle, mouthing obscenities to the crowd on his way. Once he reaches the ring, he slowly climbs up the steal steps and into the ring. Going to the furthest turnbuckle, he climbs up to the second rung, raises his arms in the air, still mouthing obscenities as he jumps down onto the mat, getting ready to lay down his opponent with his infamous country fried ass whoopin’ Despite his vitriol directed at the crowd, they cheer him. He’s an enemy of their enemy~
Belvedere: From Everclear County, Tennessee…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 245lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…The Confederate Icon…Chad Vargas!!!
~Mack OConnor’s music hits. He walks out on the stage and walks directly to the ring, dressed in jeans and a black tank top. He occasionally raises an arm to acknowledge and get a rise out of the fans. They cheer the Savage Champion for the same reason they cheer Vargas. He slides into the ring and starts pacing in his corner~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Brooklyn, New York…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 230lbs…he is the OCW Savage Champion…he is a former OCW Champion…Mack O’Connor!!!
~All the lights turn off leaving the arena in complete darkness. A voice is heard breaking the silence~
This world was being watched closely
By intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own.
~Strutting forward the woman keeps her arms up before lowering them halfway down the ramp. Meanwhile the crowd chants “I’ll go,” to the tune of the music. MJ rushes to the ring jumping onto the apron then turning around with a smile. Her arms loop around one of the ropes as she glances about the crowd soaking up their reactions. MJ ducks beneath the ropes with a twist of her body turning into the ring. The chants continue when the question to asked once more. Finally, discarding the jacket she bounces back against a turnbuckle, stretching out each leg~
Belvedere: And their partner…from Paradise, Michigan…standing 5’5 and weighing in at 125lbs…she is the OCW Champion…MJ Bell!!!!
~Everything quiets. The crowd begins to boo knowing what’s coming~
Smith: Why did THREE people who have held the OCW Championship come out FIRST?
Hood: Because The Aptitude…that’s why
Smith: This is insane
Belvedere: Annnnd…their opponents…
~”Run this Town “ by Jay Z ft. Rihanna & Kayne West starts up. O’Donnell steps out from the back first with his famous smirk from ear to ear as he stands atop the entrance ramp wearing his green wrestling tights and white wrestling boots on. On the front of the trunks he has the words “Distinguished” written in white block lettering. CJ also has on a black unbuttoned vest with the words “The Aptitude” in bold red lettering on the back on the vest with one half of the OCW Tag Team Title over his left shoulder. Out next steps “The Marvel” Matt Meyhu with the other half of the OCW Tag Team Titles around his waist. Matt has on black and bright green trunks, boots and elbow pads. He gives CJ a nod until The Incredible One steps onto the entrance ramp with the Paradigm Title around his waist. TIO has on his patented blue jeans, black tank top, belt, and black wrestling boots. TIO gives both O’Donnell and Meyhu a fist bump as all three men head down to the ring as the chorus of boos is deafening inside the Key West arena tonight. TIO is walking down the aisle as he begins to point at the fans in attendance. As Meyhu has a smug look on his face as one fan starts to heckle him a bit as The Marvel rears back like he is about to punch him but the fan covers up by hiding behind a female in attendance which leads to Meyhu just laughing at him while he shakes his head. TIO flips off a female fan wearing a MJ Bell shirt as he just shakes his head. CJ, however, usually very in your face has not taken his eyes off of the ring where Mack O’Connor, Chad Vargas and MJ Bell stand inside the ring. O’Donnell is the first to reach the ring and he slides his title underneath the bottom ropes before he follows suit. TIO makes his way up the stairs directing his attention to ring as CJ approaches The Clientele but is blocked by the referee~
Belvedere: They are comprised of The Incredible One, “The Marvel” Matt Meyhu and “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell…together they hold the OCW Paradigm and Tag Team Championships…ladies and gentlemen…they are…THE APTITUDE!!!
~The bell rings~
Smith: Here we go! Our main event…a match that the wrestling world has been looking forward to all week long!
Hood: Shit ton of gold in there…that show Gold Rush should set up camp in the OCW ring!
Smith: I love that show
Hood: Yea, I’ve never watched it…just heard about it. Sounds kinda stupid, to be honest
~Scruff heads over to The Aptitude. CJ and Meyhu hand over their tag titles. TIO hands his Paradigm Title over. Scruff juggles the three belts and is able to give them to Belvedere, who is standing outside the ring. He then heads over to the Clientele~
Smith: Astounding, every member of The Aptitude has a title
Hood: Hey, the Clientele aren’t far off either…plus, that OCW Title counts as two belts, right?
Smith: It is our most prestigious prize
~Mack O’Connor hands over his Savage Championship. MJ looks at her OCW Title before politely passing it over as well. Scruff, out of habit, looks at Vargas. Vargas reaches around his waist. He finds nothing. He then holds up a finger to say ‘one second’…he then reaches for his shoulders and, again, comes up empty handed. The crowd starts to laugh with Vargas and his self-deprecating humor~
Smith: You have to admire Chad’s personality and mental toughness
Hood: Did he lose his title?
Smith: You know darn well he is currently without a title
Hood: I know he doesn’t have an actual, OCW sanctioned belt…but he could just do what Syren does and make one of his own. If he’s feeling that down about it
Smith: I think the fact he’s playing to the obvious lack of gold around his waist shows that he doesn’t really care about what’s happened in the past…he’s ready for tonight and the future.
~The Aptitude roll their eyes at Chad’s humor. MJ laughs while Mack gives Chad a pat on the back. MJ and Mack exit the ring. TIO and Meyhu step through the ropes. CJ turns his back to Chad who keeps playing to the crowd while Scruff passes the OCW Title and Savage belt to Belvedere. Suddenly, Chad breaks his comedy act and he charges in at CJ, drilling him in the back of the head with a forearm!! CJ stumbles into his corner. Meyhu and TIO are caught off guard…they try reaching for Vargas, but he punches them, each in the head knocking them off the apron. Chad drags CJ out of the corner and escorts him to a safer one~
Smith: And there’s the Chad Vargas we all know and love! He’s full of anger and venom and he’s got his sights set on The Aptitude!
Hood: Apparently he saw a psychologist this week, along with Mack. Maybe he’s about to work his issues out via some physical therapy
Smith: Could be
Hood: Or he could just be having a typical Chad Vargas day…the guy wakes up looking to beat somebody up
Smith: He is volatile
~Vargas tosses CJ into the corner like a bully would a smaller classmate who said the wrong thing. CJ hits hard and reaches for the back of his head, he’s still reeling from the unexpected nature of Chad’s attack. Chad throws an elbow into CJ’s face. He throws another and another! CJ slumps. Chad starts to stomp into CJ’s gut! CJ slumps all the way to the mat. Chad then begins stomping on CJ’s chest tattoo while saying, “I hope I kick this stupid fucking tattoo off your stupid fucking chest!” The fans go wild as they are counting along with the stomps. They lose count as Chad is going too fast…so they just cheer. Chad finally quits…he slaps CJ in the face and then follows that with a knee!!! CJ falls to his side, laying in the corner~
Smith: Wow! Some pent up frustration there by Chad Vargas!
Hood: Guy should really masturbate more
Smith: Eww
Hood: Please, like you don’t masturbate? You’re probably a chronic masturbator. I bet you’re playing pocket pool right now.
Smith: I would never!
~Chad grabs CJ’s legs and drags him into the center of the ring. CJ tries to sit up…Chad kicks him in the face, knocking him onto his back. Chad stomps on CJ some more. He walks over and tags in Mack. Mack reaches into his wrestling attire and pulls out a flask! He takes a sip and sets it neatly in the corner, near the ring post. He enters and goes after CJ as the crowd cheers~
Smith: Here we go…a rematch from Like There’s No Tomorrow!
Hood: Nope
Smith: Yes, it is
Hood: Without the Tiger Shark I can’t call this a rematch…it’s a ghost of its former self!
~Mack grabs CJ by the hair and spits in his face!! He drills CJ in the jaw with a stiff right hand! CJ falls to the mat. Mack steps on CJ’s throat with his foot and applies as much pressure as possible. TIO yells at the ref. Scruff walks over and shakes TIO’s hand. TIO pushes him away and points at CJ. Scruff hustles over and taps Mack on the shoulder, informing him that he can’t choke CJ like that~
Smith: The Savage Champion being very savage here tonight.
Hood: But he’s no Demon, right?
Smith: Hey! You’re remembering Lance Savage!
Hood: WHO?
Smith: Nevermind
~Mack removes his foot and holds his arms up in an innocuous gesture. CJ starts to sit up. Mack helps CJ to his feet…he then slaps a Sleeper onto CJ. His lower arm is CLEARLY under CJ’s neck as he discovers a more surreptitious way to choke CJ out. Scruff nods at the submission hold and backs into a corner to rest. TIO yells and points while Meyhu seems ready to enter the ring~
Smith: That is clearly a choke…I’m no Aptitude fan but I think he’s choking him worse with that sleeper than the foot to the throat
Hood: He’s drunk, Smith. He doesn’t know any better…drunks are sloppy.
Smith: As much as I dislike our Paradigm champion, he has a legitimated gripe
Hood: Well, he should just fucking do something about it…c’mon TIO! You never let the rules get in the way before.
~As if he can hear Hood, TIO starts to enter into the ring. Meyhu puts his hand up in an ‘allow me’ gesture. Mack is looking at the top of CJ’s head, talking drunk shit while choking him out. CJ is fading, fast. Meyhu enters into the ring and sprints at Mack. Mack looks up and gets pummeled in the head with a right fist! He falls over with CJ landing on top of him. Scruff rushes over. Meyhu calmly exits. TIO yells, “COUNT!” while pointing at CJ and Mack. Scruff slides in and counts~
1!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Not quite
Hood: That’s why the Aptitude are so great, Smith…extreme tacticians looking to take control from every angle.
Smith: That wasn’t tactical…that was blatant cheating!
Hood: Did they get disqualified?
Smith: No
Hood: Then it’s all good
Smith: Only because our ref has the IQ of a women’s basketball team’s winning score
Hood: Ouch…you just SCORCHED an entire demographic…I’m impressed
~Mack sits up and shakes the pain out of his head. CJ is still weak from the punishment doled out thus far. Mack gets to his feet and he sees CJ on all fours. CJ starts to crawl towards TIO who has his hand out. Mack jumps up and drives an elbow into the back of CJ. He grabs CJ by the legs and drags him toward the Clientele’s corner. He tags MJ Bell into the match. The crowd pops for her entrance as several “M! J!” chants break out~
Smith: CJ had a slight window of opportunity but it was slammed shut by Mack O’Connor
Hood: Oh no over the type Smithgasm for MJ? Had it been the former champ you would need a new pair of slacks
Smith: That is gross, rude and I won’t respond to it
Hood: Haha, whatever man
~Mack pulls CJ up and locks his arms. MJ kicks CJ in the ribs with her left leg. She kicks CJ in the ribs with her right leg. She then delivers a roundhouse kick to CJ’s face! Mack lets CJ go and he falls backwards onto the mat. The crowd goes wild. MJ gives a quick nod to the fans before focusing on the very dangerous Aptitude member. She runs into the ropes, bounces off and drops a quick leg across the throat of CJ. The fans are really behind her as she hops back to her feet and starts to build some momentum~
Smith: The champ is looking fierce! We haven’t seen her in action since she won the title back at Like There’s No Tomorrow…it appears as though she’s anxious to show her skills!
Hood: Yes, her ASSets appear to be in fine form
Smith: STOP
Hood: I was just throwing a nod Assassins way
~MJ is full of fire! She sprints for the ropes and jumps onto the middle rope for momentum…as she does, a leg shoots into view kicking her in the face!! MJ tumbles to the mat, hitting hard! The fans boo as we see the leg belongs to TIO. He laughs and walks over to Meyhu who is having trouble containing his laughter as well. He gives TIO a pat on the back~
Smith: Oh come on!
Hood: I hear you! The evil of MJ Bell has no limits!
Smith: What are you talking about?
Hood: TIO was trying to stretch out his hamstring and MJ attacked his leg!
Smith: That is NOT what happened
~MJ hit pretty hard and is struggling to recover. CJ slowly sits up. His back is to his corner. Meyhu and TIO yell at him. He looks over his shoulder and nods. He’s a bit dazed. He reaches all fours and starts to crawl. MJ rolls onto her side and reaches for the ropes. She uses the bottom rope to stabilize her positioning. CJ is near his corner. The fans yell at MJ to stop him. She turns around to make a last ditch effort to grab CJ but he lunges and tags in Matt Meyhu!! The crowd makes an “oh shit” noise as Meyhu steps through the ropes. MJ is on her knees with a surprised look as Meyhu stands over her~
Smith: This does not look good
Hood: No kidding…I hope MJ’s parents aren’t watching
Smith: Is that some allusion toward a sex act?
Hood: Of course not…bad knees run in MJ’s family…at least that’s what TIO told me when describing one of their romantic…
Smith: Okay, stop it right there mister!
~Meyhu grabs Bell by the hair and yanks her to her feet like a rag doll. MJ kicks at one of Meyhu’s legs. He responds by jerking her head back and backhanding her across the face! The fans go “BOOOOO!!!” Meyhu doesn’t care. He takes both hands and violent SHOVES MJ into a corner. She slams hard with the back of her head whiplashing into the top turnbuckle. She’s about to slump to the mat when Meyhu jams his hand under her chin to keep her upright. He then grabs her by the neck and tosses her out of the corner…she flies halfway across the ring, slamming into the mat~
Smith: Matt Meyhu displaying the phenomenal strength and talent we are all aware he possesses
Hood: That’s what MJ gets for talking shit about his girlfriend’s pet dog
Smith: What? I didn’t hear about that
Hood: Oh yea, she was running that dog down backstage something fierce…she even tried to get the SPCA to haul it off…she’s very evil, Smith.
Smith: I don’t believe that for a second…I’m not even sure Meyhu LIKES that dog
Hood: Well of course he doesn’t like MJ…aren’t you watching the match?
Smith: I was talking about the pet! Not our OCW Champion!
~Meyhu arrogantly paces toward MJ. She’s on her knees struggling to get to her feet. The fans seem upset over the dominance Meyhu has shown thus far. He grabs a hand full of her ridiculously platinum hair and places her head between his legs. He hooks her around the waist and lifts her up for a poweromb. MJ rakes his eyes while she’s at the apex of the move, grabs the back of his head and slams Meyhu face first into the mat with an X-Factor!!! The crowd goes wild as MJ falls on her back, breathing heavily. Meyhu rolls onto his back, stunned~
Smith: What a move by our Champion!
Hood: She’s not MY champion…I like to think of myself as a Paradigm Man…or Tag Team…either or, really
Smith: Well, whatever…the statement stands, however…that was a great move
Hood: I guess, she had to basically Lance Savage the guy to get one move in.
Smith: So he’s a verb now?
~MJ starts to crawl for her corner. Mack and Vargas are both extending their hands. She dives for Mack’s…as she does, he quits paying attention and reaches for his flask. She misses. Vargas tries to tag her as she’s lying under the bottom turnbuckle. Before he can touch her, Meyhu grabs her by the leg and drags her back into the center of the ring. He tags CJ back into the match~
Smith: It’s official…Mack O’Connor has a drinking problem
Hood: Women do drive a man to drink
Smith: That was not MJ’s fault
Hood: You kidding me? She’s going to lose the match for her team…the stress, it’s too much
~Meyhu lifts MJ up for a powerslam. He tosses her into the air like he would if he were going to drop her with snake eyes onto the top turnbuckle. CJ leaps into the air, places his knees into MJ’s face and connects with a codebreaker!! MJ’s body flails to the side and rolls out of the ring. Meyhu steps onto the apron as TIO gives him a pat on the back. CJ remains in the ring~
Smith: I hate to admit it…but that was a great double team…they are very cohesive
Hood: No shit, they’re the tag champs, idiot
Smith: You don’t have to be so harsh about it
Hood: I’ll quit being harsh if you quit being stupid
~TIO hops off the apron and approaches MJ. Chad sees this and yells “Fuck that” and he hops off his apron. Mack takes another swig from his flask. TIO rounds the corner and stands over MJ, who is on all fours, facing away from TIO. TIO smiles, looking down at her. Chad suddenly turns the other corner. He points at TIO and yells “Get the FUCK away from her.” TIO holds his arms up in compliance. Out of nowhere Vargas gets DRILLED in the head with a baseball slide through the ropes from CJ! CJ lands on his feet outside and in one seamless motion grabs MJ, tossing her back into the ring. TIO heads back to the apron and resumes standing in his team’s corner~
Smith: Thank goodness for Vargas…I don’t know what TIO was planning on doing there
Hood: Oh calm the fuck down…we’re on national television
Smith: His evil knows no bounds
Hood: They know SOME bounds…I mean I don’t think he’s killed that daughter of his…yet
~CJ considers going for a pin but realizes it’s been too long. CJ grabs MJ’s crazy platinum hair and yanks her to her feet. He smacks her…she turns around from the force of the smack. He hooks her around the waist and tosses her over his head with a German Suplex!! She’s folded up as he returns to his feet and poses to the crowd…they boo him VOCIFEROUSLY~
Smith: That disgusting man calls that the Distinguished Plex
Hood: You may find him disgusting, but the ladies LOVE him
Smith: He certainly seems like the type of man my ex-wife would have chased
Hood: Haha she was such a slut
Smith: I will not STAND for that talk about the love of my life!
~CJ smirks and picks MJ up for another Distinguished Plex. He hooks her around the waist and lifts her up, releasing…she flips over and lands on her feet behind CJ. She places her legs into CJ’s back and drops him with a Backstabber!! CJ falls onto his front side and isn’t moving!! MJ remains on her back as the crowd goes wild…Chad yells at Mack to put the flask down and they both reach out for a tag~
Smith: YES YES YES!!! C’mon MJ! Make the tag!!
Hood: And there’s our first Smithgasm! Took a while…but it’s nice to see you’ve still got it!
Smith: I’m just a fan of good hearted, kind individuals
Hood: You must be a cat person
~CJ starts to stir…as does MJ. CJ is a few feet further from his corner than MJ is to hers. They start to crawl, about the same speed. The crowd is on their feet screaming for MJ to make the tag. CJ picks up pace. TIO and Meyhu have their arms extended. Mack and Vargas have their arms extended. CJ tags TIO! TIO steps through the ropes with a smile on his face. MJ leaps through the air and tags in Vargas!! TIO stops in the middle of the ring. Vargas flies through the ropes and points at TIO, the crowd goes wild with “Vargas!” chants echoing throughout the building~
Smith: These two have a lot of history...two time match of the month winners...
Hood: Chad just won’t learn, will he? Alright, Vargas…you want more of TIO…there he is
Smith: We both know Chad could have EASILY won both those matches
Hood: Yea, but he didn’t
~Vargas punches TIO in the head several times. TIO backs into the ropes…Chad shoots him off the ropes, across the ring…TIO ricochets off the ropes and is nails with a spear from Vargas!! Vargas remains on top of TIO pummeling him with lefts and rights, the crowd is going crazy as TIO’s legs kick around with his arms trying to cover up~
Smith: Chad Vargas is picking up where he left off at Like There’s No Tomorrow!
Hood: What, he’s getting pinned?
Smith: You know what I mean, brawling…those two had the greatest brawl in OCW history a few weeks ago
Hood: It was awesome…the only thing bigger and grander was TIO’s bar tab!
~TIO struggles and crawls toward the ropes as Vargas continues to punch him. Scruff tries to get Vargas off of him for a break. In the chaos TIO thumbs Vargas in the eye! The fans boo as TIO kicks Vargas off of him. He gets to his feet and looks at Meyhu. He tries to tag him in but Vargas trips him up. Vargas crawls on top of TIO, grabs the back of his head and slams his face into the mat repeatedly until TIO stops moving~
Smith: Not even a thumb to the eye is going to deter The Confederate Icon
Hood: It doesn’t stop Lance Savage, why should it stop Chad Vargas?
Smith: Because, Savage is used to living with just one eye whereas…wait a minute, why am I going into detail over this
Hood: Because that’s who you are
~Vargas gets to his feet and he tags Mack into the ring. Vargas exits and Mack stands over TIO. He lifts TIO up and tosses him into Meyhu. Scruff signals that a tag has been made. Meyhu smiles and enters into the ring. Mack waves him forward~
Smith: Mack O’Connor wants revenge for what Matt Meyhu did to him at Like There’s No Tomorrow
Hood: They say alcohol consumption leads to poor decisions…this is PROOF
Smith: You really think he’s merely doing this due to the ‘liquid courage’ as they say?
Hood: Of course…that isn’t Drew Stevenson…that’s Matt Meyhu!
~Mack throws the first punch, it connects. Meyhu throws the next, it connects. The two begin to brawl in the middle of the ring as the crowd is on their feet. Mack starts to get the better of Meyhu as his pain tolerance is rather high due to the numbness alcohol provides. Mack throws a haymaker that would knock most people out…it sends Meyhu staggering into the corner. Mack charges in without any fear. TIO and CJ greet him with forearms. Vargas and MJ rush into the ring and to the aid of their partner. MJ kicks CJ off the apron. Vargas jumps through the ring with a spear into TIO…the two go crashing into the barricade with Chad landing about as hard as TIO did. The crowd chants “HOLY SHIT!”~
Smith: What a crazy move by Chad Vargas…he could have broken his neck!
Hood: After what he went through at Like There’s No Tomorrow…that’s child’s play…minus the murderous doll, of course
Smith: Those movies freaked me out
Hood: Not me…it’s a fucking doll. Just step on it or something, not that fucking complicated.
~MJ steps through the ropes and leaps off the apron wrapping her legs around CJ’s head and taking him down with a huricanrana!! She holds on like she’s going for a pin but proceeds to wallop CJ in the head with right fists~
Smith: The Clientele is taking it to The Aptitude! Things may have broken down but this is delightful!
Hood: Wishy washy mother fucker…so rules can be broken as long as it’s your team?
Smith: The Aptitude are constantly breaking rules…sometimes you’ve got to fight fire with fire!
Hood: That’s how forest fires start, Smith!
~Mack pulls Meyhu out of the corner. Meyhu shoves Mack back…Mack lunges forward with a lariat!! Meyhu falls to the mat with Mack dropping to his knees. Outside the ring Vargas stands up, wincing in pain. He grabs TIO and drops him with The Stroke!! TIO is laid out. On the other side MJ has removed herself from CJ and crouched nearby, poised. CJ gets to his feet, turns around to face MJ and is kicked in the side of the head with The Burning Mage!! “CLIENTELE!” chants echo throughout the arena as Vargas hurries over to MJ to check on her. He stomps on CJ a few times for good measure as MJ bends over at the waist to catch her breath~
Smith: The Clientele is reigning supreme this evening
Hood: This fucking sucks
Smith: Now they just need Mack to finish Meyhu off
Hood: Okay, now that’s fucking gross
Smith: Not what I meant
~Mack picks Meyhu up and signals for Claymore! He hooks Meyhu and is about to deliver the move. Meyhu elbows Mack viciously into the side of the head three times. Mack’s grip loosens. Meyhu frees his arms, quickly hooks Mack under the chin and drops him face first with The Ego Trip!! The crowd goes silent as Meyhu makes the cover. Vargas and MJ turn after hearing the impact and crowd reaction~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~They try to slide in and break up the pin, but are too late…the bell rings~
Belvedere: Here are your winners…THE APTITUDE!!!!!
Smith: NO
Hood: Haha yes!! Matt fucking Meyhu…for the win!
Smith: Claymore is such a great move but, against Matt Meyhu…it might not have been the best idea
Hood: Honestly, if you’re going to face Matt Meyhu…the best course of action is to not show up
~MJ and Chad get to their feet in the ring. Meyhu has no time to celebrate. He does the math and slides out of the ring, avoiding the numbers disadvantage. He heads over to Belvedere and grabs the tag and Paradigm belts. He then looks at the Savage Championship. Chad hustles over to the ropes and yells at Meyhu~
Smith: Is he going to take the belt?
Hood: Might as well…would just save everybody the trouble
Smith: RUDE
~Vargas flies through the ropes and grabs the chair Belvedere was sitting in. He heads over toward Meyhu. Meyhu walks away, not looking all that concerned. Vargas stands near the titles, protecting them from any potential theft. Meyhu rounds the corner and helps his tag partner to his feet. CJ is dazed and staggering. Meyhu informs CJ that they won…CJ pauses, smiles and throws his arms in the air triumphantly~
Smith: Sickening
Hood: Doesn’t matter where CJ or TIO were…it will go down as a win for The Aptitude
Smith: I just don’t know what to make of OCW these days
~TIO staggers around the corner, equally dazed. Meyhu hands him his Paradigm Title and explains in a very over the top action of how he laid out Mack and got the win. TIO smiles and throws his arms in the air in triumph. The fans boo loudly as Vargas rolls his eyes. MJ is kneeling over Mack, checking on him. She looks up and shakes her head in anger~
Smith: I hate this…hate it hate it hate it
Hood: They hate us cause they ain’t us!
Smith: And when did YOU join The Aptitude?
Hood: I signed up for their fan club…was only a $150 fee
Smith: Really?
Hood: Yea, handed it in cash over to Meyhu. He said he’d get me the certificate in the future
Smith: That’s probably my favorite act The Aptitude has performed since joining OCW
Hood: I’m glad my happiness means so much to you
Smith: Well folks, that’s all we have for tonight. Don’t forget that this Friday OCW Survivor: Season 1 will debut and next Monday we will have MJ Bell defending her OCW Championship against PerZag!
Hood: Sounds like I need to get some rest…busy week!
Smith: Haha, indeed! See you all next week, folks!
~We get one last shot of The Aptitude standing tall followed by MJ leaning over Mack, concerned and Vargas yelling every curse word ever invented at Meyhu, TIO, and O’Donnell. We fade to black~