LIVE! January 16th 2023
FROM The OCW Arena
In Key West, Florida
~A very special episode of Home Improvement comes to an end as Tim the Toolman Taylor finds a bag of weed under his son’s mattress. The rest of the family tears up as the soon to be criminal child is confronted by his parents. Sad music plays. As the show fades out. And then...that sweet OCW logo airs with the following message “Tim’s son would go on to sign a lucrative deal with OCW.” It fades out and we cut to the OCW Arena in Key West! The fans aren’t rabid, as usual. Instead, they are buzzing with intrigue and excitement as our screen fades into a shot of an empty, glass case with a platform inside that SHOULD hold the OCW Championship. Instead, it’s empty~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Monday Night Massacre! I’m your host Smith and alongside me, as always, is Hood and...as you can see, a very valuable piece of equipment is missing.
Hood: Did somebody let Arryk Rage into the building?
Smith: Very old reference but, I’ll allow it. As you all witnessed one week ago, our...owner, I guess you’d call him?
Hood: Yes, you definitely call him the owner to his face.
Smith: Our ‘owner’ Marcus Welsh was all set to announce the #1 contender to the OCW Title when the Bastards appeared and demolished everything and everyone at ringside.
Hood: Let’s not forget WHO he was going to announce. He was going to announce SAHARA and all I’ve got to say is...IT’S ABOUT TIME.
Smith: Thunder Knuckles led his band of bastards into war as they laid waste to everything. But...it doesn’t end there. Because TLS...the OCW legend and Oh Shit Contract Holder appeared after weeks of missing in action to cash in his contract and pin the champion, PIC!
Hood: Yes...BUT...we had no time keeper. We had no ref. WE HAD NOTHING
Smith: Exactly and I’m told that without a bell and a ref...that pin does NOT count.
Hood: TLS fucked again!
Smith: However, TLS did leave with the OCW Championship and...as you can clearly see. He’s yet to bring it back so...here we are.
Hood: Wait, you forgot the most important part.
Smith: Oh, yea! That’s right...and then OCW’s real owner, Adi Gold, basically named Thunder Knuckles as the #1 contender.
Hood: I was gonna say the most important part about last week was that we switched back from Pepsi products to Coke but...yea, that’s really important, too.
Smith: So it’s PIC facing TK at Decadence for the OCW Title...IF we can get it back.
Hood: And knowing TLS like we all do...that’s a pretty big if.
~Our view pulls out from the empty case to reveal Welsh, bruised face and all, standing behind it. We pull back even further to see the OCW Champion, PIC on one side (beltless) and the #1 contender, Thunder Knuckles on the other. The two men are staring at each other while Welsh faces the hard camera, in between. He’s got a mic in hand~
Marcus Welsh: It’s been a long week. A week of uncertainty and unresolved issues. So long, in fact, I had to undertake alternative activities to keep my mind off things. So, when you look around the ringside area...don’t be shocked to see brand new, state of the art equipment because I...I sprung for all these items to help enhance the production value.
Smith: With Adi Gold’s money.
Hood: Daddy Gold’s money.
Marcus Welsh: Marcus Welsh, once again, improving the product. You can thank me later. Anyway, down to business. Tonight is the night we resolve those aforementioned issues. TLS...I was under the impression you had retired. It was one of the main reasons I was so excited about returning to this place. But, of course, in classic TLS fashion...you lied. And now you have something very important that belongs to the man standing to my right.
~We see PIC~
Marcus Welsh: An item that...well, against my better judgment, will possibly transfer possession into the hands of the...thing, to my left.
~We see Thunder Knuckles. Welsh eyes the camera something fierce~
Marcus Welsh: TLS….you have the OCW Championship and you need to bring it back. Now.
~The crowd comes to life as the theme from Friday the 13th begins to play over the newly purchased sound system. All eyes turn to the entrance ramp with the expectation of TLS to show up with the world title belt. Seconds go by, but nothing. Marcus seems to grow impatient, PIC looks pissed that his former tag partner would pull this stunt in the first place, and TK just looks like a bastard. Once it becomes evident TLS is just playing mind games, Marcus motions to cut the music.~
Marcus Welsh: Fine, have it your way. You’re booked in the main event this evening, and if you show up, you better bring that title belt with you. If you don’t, there WILL be consequences.
~The crowd collectively ‘ooohs’. Welsh turns his attention to the two in the ring.
Marcus Welsh: As for the two of you in the ring, your match for the title will go on at Decadence regardless, belt or no belt.
~TK angrily grabs the microphone from Welsh.~
TK: Figures… more goddamn waiting. That seems to be the name of the game around here. Well I’m tired of fucking waiting. From now on The Brotherhood of Bastards is going to take what they want when they want. And judging from those shiners on your face, I’m guessing you’re not going to do anything about it.
~Welsh’s demeanor shifts a bit, more of deference than the antagonism from earlier. TK jukes in his direction and Welsh jumps back.~
TK: That’s what I thought.
~TK laughs. The crowd boos.~
Smith: TK is really crossing a line here, Hood. He’s got no business talking to the, uh… ‘owner’ that way.
Hood: Then Welsh should do something about it. If you’re not willing to get physical in this business, you have no business being here.
~PIC grabs a microphone of his own and steps between Welsh and TK.~
PIC: You know what, TK… I’m getting pretty freaking tired of your little schtick. Every week it’s the same old story. You’re a bad guy doing bad things and nobody can stop you. Well, I’m standing right here and more than willing to shut you up for good… right here tonight!
~The crowd goes wild at the statement. TK nods as if he likes what PIC is saying but Marcus is quick to shut it down.~
Marcus Welsh: No, no, no. That’s not going to happen. The two of you have a match at the PPV. You don’t even have the belt to defend tonight.
PIC: Well now, wait a minute. Earlier you said that regardless of whether TLS returned the belt or not, that TK and I would headline Decadence with the belt on the line.
~The crowd seems to know where PIC is headed and cheer at his comment.~
Smith: He’s right. Marcus Welsh did say that.
Hood: I have ears.
~PIC continues.~
PIC: So the way I see it… what’s the difference between me defending the title at the PPV… or RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW IN KEY WEST!!
~The roof nearly comes off of the OCW Arena, literally. This place really needs an inspection soon. The fans are going wild. They want it, the look on TK’s face suggests he wants it, in fact there’s only one person in the whole building that looks like he doesn’t want these two guys fighting tonight and he’s more than outnumbered.~
PIC: What do you say, TK? You don’t wanna wait? Well here’s your chance.
~TK pretends to think for a minute, but doesn’t hesitate too long.~
TK: You’re on, cock mite!
~The crowd goes crazy yet again. Marcus Welsh shakes his head and makes a motion as if to say he’s washing his hands of it as he steps through the middle rope and exits the ring.~
Smith: Holy hell! This is happening! On the second Massacre of 2023, we’re getting an impromptu match for the OCW World Title, and we’re getting it… RIGHT NOW!
Hood: Marcus Welsh may think this is some ‘WEAK ASS BOOKING’ but the faithful here this evening think otherwise. Here we go!
~OCW referee Duff walks down the entrance ramp past Marcus as he heads to the backstage area. Duff slides into the ring as Belvedere grabs a microphone.~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OCW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
~Before Belvedere can say another word, PIC wastes no time as he lunges forward toward TK, but TK dodges and PIC smashes face first into the turnbuckle. Referee Duff calls for the bell and the match is officially underway. The ring crew barely manages to get the empty title case out of the ring before it gets smashed.~
DING DING DING
~As PIC turns around, he’s met with a stiff kick to the gut. As PIC folds over, TK delivers three forearm smashes in succession across the back of PIC’s neck. PIC immediately drops to the mat and holds his neck as TK smiles. He takes a moment to enjoy the boos from the crowd.~
Smith: PIC looked like he was shot out of a cannon there, but he missed his mark and TK has been quick to capitalize.
Hood: TK is way better in the ring than most give him credit for. He gets underestimated because of his appearance.
Smith: I agree. He’s a great talent even if his antics are less than reputable.
~TK drops to his knees and begins laying in punches to PIC’s face. PIC tries to cover up but TK manages to land one stiff punch that stuns the champion. TK goes for more but PIC is able to roll backwards and out of his grasp. Now two feet away, TK lunges forward for a clothesline. PIC ducks, and nails TK with a discus clothesline as he turns around. The crowd pops!~
Smith: And just like that, the champ is back in it!
~It’s PIC’s turn to jump onto TK and lay in shots of his own. After a couple of good licks, TK manages to cover up enough to block the rest of the blows. Duff shouts at PIC to get off and he obliges. He lifts TK to his feet and scoop slams him to the mat. PIC leaps high into the air before dropping a knee across the face of TK. He then drops down for a pin attempt.~
1!
KICKOUT!
~PIC once again pulls TK up to his base, kneeing him three times in the gut. He pushes TK into the ropes, but TK reverses, sending PIC across the ring. PIC bounces off the ropes and shoots off into a high cross body block, smashing into TK and sending him rolling out under the bottom rope. TK gathers himself outside as PIC runs across the ring. He steps up all three turnbuckles in the corner before launching himself into the air, landing a shooting star press to the standing TK. The crowd is going nuts!~
OCW Faithful: SHOW-STOP-PA! SHOW-STOP-PA! SHOW-STOP-PA!
~PIC stands over TK taking it all in, but doesn’t wait too long to capitalize on the move. He whips TK into the ring steps as a loud thud echoes throughout the arena. He then takes a running start and sandwiches TK’s head between the steel stairs and his knee with a vicious running knee strike!~
Smith: Holy Moses! TK is out cold!
Hood: That looked pretty bad. TK might actually need some medical attention.
~A small trickle of blood begins to flow from a gash over TK’s left eyebrow as PIC picks him up and rolls him back into the ring. PIC hops up onto the ring apron and waits for TK to get to his feet. As he slowly does, PIC leaps to the top rope and springboards off. TK manages to catch him in midair, spins, and crushes PIC with an Alabama Slam! Still groggy, TK takes a second before draping his body across the champion for the pin attempt as Duff slides into position.~
1!
2!!
Kickout!!
Hood: Did that count seem slow to you?
Smith: It did not. Duff was right on top of things there. TK just took a second too long to shake the cobwebs out before making the pin attempt. That could have made the difference there.
~The blood from over TK’s eye has now made it to his lips as he sits up, licking at the blood and smiling even more. He rolls out of the ring and pulls out a table. The crowd pops for the table, but quickly dies down as TK slides it into the ring and sets it up in the corner. He lifts PIC to his feet and goes to whip him into the table, but PIC leaps up at the last second and lands his feet safely on the second rope. TK rushes forward but PIC backflips over him. TK nearly runs into the table but manages to stop himself at the last possible second. He points to his head and turns a second too late as PIC spears him straight through the table. Shards of wood and metal shoot everywhere to the delight of the live crowd. PIC is stunned but recovers and pulls TK from the corner and hooks his leg.~
1!
2!!
3! NO!!
Smith: PIC had this match won, but TK just managed to drape his foot over the bottom rope!
Hood: Ring Awareness 101, you gotta know where you are when you go for a pin. You’d think our illustrious champion would know that.
~PIC slaps the mat in frustration, and immediately turns his attention to the entrance ramp as the crowd erupts in a chorus of boos. There, we see Nickleman sauntering down to the ring carrying the wrench that was used to hospitalize the world champion two months ago. PIC readies himself for Nickleman to enter the ring, but is caught off guard from behind with a stiff superkick from TK!~
Hood: Hahaha, that idiot turned his back on TK and paid the price.
Smith: I’m not sure what Nickleman thinks he’s doing out here, but any level of interference from him will get Thunder Knuckles disqualified in this match.
~TK nods to his fellow bastard as he lifts PIC to his feet. He kicks him in the gut and hooks him for the Thunder Strike. PIC struggles to break free and pushes himself forward, causing TK to backtrack across the ring and smash into the turnbuckle. He releases PIC, allowing the champion to slide in behind him and hook TK with a full nelson. TK struggles to break free but PIC begins kneeing TK repeatedly in the kidneys to the delight of the crowd.~
Smith: That’s Dialysis Paralysis, one of PIC’s trademark maneuvers. It really puts an opponent in a vulnerable spot for his Texas Cloverleaf.
~PIC continues to lay in the knees as The Nickleman hops up onto the apron with the wrench. Nickleman looks to enter the ring as Duff goes over to stop him. PIC lets go of TK and rushes toward Nickleman. He leaps into the air and drop kicks the wrench into Nickleman’s face. The crowd goes wild as Nickleman falls off the apron and out onto the floor. PIC turns around to see that TK has rolled out of the ring and is pulling himself up by the guardrail. PIC rushes toward him and leaps over the top rope toward TK, but TK moves while pulling the guardrail closer, causing PIC to land stomach first across the steel.~
Smith: Dear God! PIC probably just cracked three ribs.
Hood: Smart move by the challenger. PIC won’t be able to breathe much for the rest of the match.
~The ringside crowd is giving it to TK and he gives it right back. He grabs a fat guy’s beer and throws it all over the champion, then throws the cup back into the fan’s face. The barricade now being broken, TK begins kicking PIC as he stumbles and tries to make it to his feet through the crowd. Security guards rush to keep fans away from the two. TK runs forward and punts PIC square in the face. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Duff begins counting the two men out.~
1!
2!
3!
~TK turns to head to the ring to break the count, but PIC holds onto him from behind and suplexes him onto the arena floor. The thud from the back of TK’s head hitting the concrete causes the crowd to collectively “oooh”.~
4!
5!
~PIC is slow to get back to his feet. He looks toward the ring where Duff continues to count, then down at his opponent. The crowd seemingly wants him to continue doling out the punishment and not worry about the countout. TK gets to his knees and PIC chooses violence. He grabs the back of TK’s head and begins ramming his knee square into TK’s face, reminiscent of how Bourbon bashed the wrench into PIC’s face. The crowd is eating it up as TK is now a bloody mess.~
6!
7!
Smith: What is the champion doing? PIC! Get back to the ring! Break the count!
Hood: Looks like the hero isn’t worried about winning at all. He’s proving he’s just like everyone else. It’s about getting revenge and hurting TK. I gotta respect that.
~TK manages a low blow, causing PIC to stop the onslaught. As the champ doubles over, TK hooks his head and drops him with a traditional DDT onto the floor. The two men continue laying there, struggling to get to their feet as Duff continues his count.~
8!
9!
10!!!
DING DING DING
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, the result of this match is a NO CONTEST!!!
Smith: That’s it! TK’s chances of winning the title are over!
Hood: No way. He’s proven he can go toe to toe with PIC. No chance he doesn’t get another shot at some point.
~TK is the first to move, his face covered in blood. He hears the decision and seemingly snaps. He gets to his feet, lifts PIC up, and begins wailing on his face. TK lands punch after punch, one connecting with PIC’s nose causing an eruption of blood. PIC staggers backward to avoid the onslaught, but TK rushes forward and hits a running knee straight to those injured ribs. PIC cries out in pain as the crowd is in full support. TK grabs PIC by the hair and leads him over to the area beneath the stage. He scoops PIC up and slams him hard onto the concrete. TK climbs up to the top of the stage overlooking PIC’s body. He looks around and finds one of the brand new speakers OCW recently purchased. He rips the cord out of the back of the speaker and hurls it toward PIC. He rolls out of the way as the speaker slams into the concrete and shatters. TK grabs another speaker and does the same thing. PIC once again gets out of the way.~
Smith: Thunder Knuckles is dismantling the brand new sound system that Marcus Welsh was bragging about earlier.
Hood: Rumor is the sound system alone set him, err… Adi back a quarter mill. That’s not a good look.
~At this point TK has removed and destroyed 8 of the 10 speakers that adorned the stage and PIC has now gotten to his feet, though still below the stage area. TK runs toward PIC and leaps off the stage, landing a knee to PIC’s face. The two men crash into the concrete as the crowd once again boos, though there’s a good bit of joy in the carnage that’s unfolding before them. TK gets to one knee, looking exhausted as he wipes blood from his eyes. He looks over to the sound booth where more of the amazing new equipment is being run by two techs. As TK walks toward them they immediately get out of the way. TK rips a cord out of the soundboard and begins choking PIC with it.~
Smith: TK is going to kill the champion with that cord!
Hood: Yeah, probably.
Smith: That’s all you can say about first degree murder?
Hood: It's… a shame?
~PIC looks to almost pass out but manages to kick his foot into the air, connecting with TK which causes him to release his grip on the cord. As PIC gets to his feet, TK charges at him but is met with a stiff boot to the midsection. PIC lifts TK, turns him over, and drops him with a jumping Michinoku Driver… ONTO THE SOUND BOOTH TABLE!! Sparks fly and cords go everywhere as a loud squeal echoes throughout the remaining arena speakers. Many of the OCW faithful cry out and hold their ears in pain from the noise. As someone manages to get that sound under control, the crowd chants and cheers as their champion stands to his feet. He looks down at TK and the broken equipment around him. He picks up what is remaining of the soundboard and smashes TK with it. He then lays it on top of TK and slowly climbs back up onto the stage. The crowd is going absolutely bonkers.~
Smith: Don’t do it!
Hood: At this point, why not?
~PIC looks around to the crowd, who almost unanimously egg him on. He looks down at TK with the brand new and super expensive soundboard positioned across his body. PIC looks to the sky as if saying a quick prayer before jumping off, nailing a 450 splash directly across the soundboard onto TK’s body. More sparks and pieces of equipment fly everywhere as another loud squeal echoes throughout the arena. Both the champion and challenger lay sprawled out in the midst of the chaos as OCW officials rush to the scene. Medics run in to attend to both of them.~
Smith: Good God… the carnage! Both men are beaten, bruised, and who knows what else. The brand new OCW sound system has been obliterated to the point I’m not even sure you can hear what I’m saying right now.
Hood: One thing’s for sure, once the carnage gets sorted out, there’s going to be hell to pay for these two. Marcus Welsh is not going to take what’s happened here lying down.
Smith: The bigger question might be how Adi Gold is going to respond to her money being squandered so flippantly.
Hood: Flippantly?
Smith: Word of the day calendar.
Hood: Nice.
Smith: Folks, I really thought this whole world title picture would be a lot clearer after this match, but things are looking murkier than ever. Alright folks, let's all catch our breath with this quick commercial break. More Massacre when we return!
~We cut backstage where Marcus Welsh is anxiously pacing around his office. He’s clearly still amped and on edge from the show’s opening~
Marcus Welsh: He better show. He better show.
~The man is clearly obsessed over the missing OCW Title and its thief, TLS~
Marcus Welsh: I know she’s not the brightest or most attentive person in the world but she’ll definitely notice the OCW Title missing...and after ONE day back in charge. This isn’t good.
Cap Slock: SIR
~Welsh jumps. He reaches for his chest before calming down and focusing on the good Captain~
Marcus Welsh: Maybe with that GOLD money we can afford to get your hearing fixed.
Cap Slock: WHAT WAS THAT, SIR?
Marcus Welsh: Nothing. Nevermind. What did you want?
Cap Slock: IT’S MISS GOLD. SHE WON’T MAKE IT TO THE ARENA TONIGHT.
~Welsh smiles~
Cap Slock: BUT SHE DOES WANT TO SPEAK WITH YOU.
Marcus Welsh: Okay, well, just tell her to FaceTime me.
~Cap Slock places a laptop on the desk. He opens it up...they wait...and wait...Welsh looks at the good captain~
Cap Slock: I HAD TO RESTART IT BECAUSE THE BROWSERS WOULDN’T WORK...TAKES LIKE THIRTY MINUTES TO RESTART. ALMOST THERE.
Marcus Welsh: Again, she could just FaceTime me.
~It finally boots up and Cap Slock opens SKYPE. Welsh is like “Skype? Wtf.” He answers a call from Adi and she appears...but there’s extreme lag and video distortion~
Adi Gold: Hello --- I --- foundland --- this ---
~Welsh looks up at Cap Slock~
Marcus Welsh: This is fucking useless, Captain. I can’t make out anything she’s saying.
Cap Slock: SORRY SIR. SHE’S IN NEWFOUNDLAND APPARENTLY INTERNET IS VERY BAD UP THERE AND IN MOST OF CANADA.
Marcus Welsh: Makes sense.
~Adi’s voice continues to break in and out~
Adi Gold: A --- blahh --- spit --- ick --- milk --- larry
~And then, she freezes. Welsh slaps the lap top~
Marcus Welsh: Hello? Adi? HELLO
~He slaps it again and again...the entire screen goes black~
Marcus Welsh: PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!
~He slings it across the room, near the door...it slams into the wall, shattering into a hundred pieces. While it hits the wall, at that exact moment, a drop dead gorgeous brunette walks into the room. Welsh’s eyes widen. Cap Slock is stunned~
Cap Slock: DEAR LAWD
~Welsh composes himself and scurries forward, extending a hand and placing the other on this woman’s perfectly shaped shoulder~
Marcus Welsh: Excuse the barbaric behavior but it’s hard to control a war veteran when he loses his temper.
~Cap Slock is about to take umbrage over Welsh’s derisive remark when the woman speaks~
Woman: That’s quite alright ya son of a bitch.
~Welsh is taken back...as is the good captain. Not so much via the vernacular of this woman...but her voice. She’s got the voice of a 300lb beer drinkin, chain smokin, red meat eating, giant dick hanging all american male. She marches forward with the two men gobsmacked. She takes a seat in the chair across from Welsh’s desk, legs spread. Her arms laid atop the chairs arm rests...she points at Welsh~
Woman: Name’s Larry but I guess you assholes already knew that. Adi hired me to represent her while she’s away.
~Welsh turns, staring at Larry. He then looks at Cap Slock before looking back at Larry~
Marcus Welsh: L...Larry.
Larry: Yea, it’s short for Lawrence ya dumbass, haha.
~Welsh and Cap Slock both lean forward, trying to get a look in between Larry’s legs. It’s hard to make anything out via the dress pants she’s wearing. They scan up, past her amazing set of tits before landing on her 10/10 model worthy feminine face. She smiles~
Larry: Take a picture it’ll last longer, ya pricks. Ahaha!
~Larry slaps her knee before leaning forward~
Larry: But let’s cut the shit. Miss Gold is very excited about Thunder Knuckles receiving that #1 Contenders spot. It’s all she talked about.
~Larry leans back, shaking her head~
Larry: Frankly, I don’t see what she sees in the bastard but, she’s the boss, right? So don’t fuck this up, Welsh. You get that belt back and make sure Miss Gold gets the match she wants. Okay?
~Speechless, the two men nod~
Larry: Terrific. Well, gentlemen, if you don’t mind, I have to take a massive piss. Then I’ll probably walk around and introduce myself to the roster. Might even see if I can find that Standard fella. He’s pretty cute, am I wrong?
~Larry laughs, punching Welsh in the arm before exiting. Welsh looks at Cap Slock~
Marcus Welsh: What the fuck just happened.
Cap Slock: DEAR LAWD
~We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Well, okay then.
Hood: This fuckin place, I swear.
Smith: I’m being told that Larry is the official spokesperson for Adi Gold whenever Miss Gold is unable to attend the show.
Hood: Well that’s just great. As if my therapist didn’t have of my confused feelings to deal with. Looks like we’re gonna open up a new jar on Tuesday.
Smith: Just don’t sleep with her, like Mack did.
Hood: Ah, Mack. WE MISS YA, BUDDY
Smith: Alright fans...it appears the heat is on for Welsh to relocate the OCW Title so that Miss Gold can get her match. Will TLS show up tonight with the title? We’re all waiting to find out!
Hood: Last I saw he was parading the streets of Key West with a stolen belt AND a stolen guitar.
Smith: Now he’s gone too far. Anyway...it’s time for in-ring action! Our ‘official’ opening match for the evening is up next as Maria Caruso...the social media influencer makes her in-ring debut! Let’s head down to ringside!
Maria Caruso (0-0) vs. The Mailman (0-0)
~The Mailman is holding a package with one hand and his package with the other. Through his blue, super short shorts, btw. We don’t broadcast this shit on Pornhub...not yet, anyway. He leans into the camera and yells, “Like Cirrhosis the mailman always delivers!!” The fans boo...especially those carrying giant cups of beer. Belvedere sighs, taking a long gander at the Mailman before speaking into the mic~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring...The Mailman!!!
~The Mailman quickly rips open the package he’s carrying to reveal a scalpel! He holds it up high...the fans boo~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~With the lyric Cross my heart and hope to die. I don't need another guy as light Go Off To fight my battles. To overshadow me. Don't you know I'm dangerous? Fire burning in my blood
I got this handled. I don't need rescuing. You can call me a princess all your life~
~'Cause you love to keep me helpless by your side. But it ain't what I want, I'ma show you. I'ma show you. How to treat me like a Queen Maria Caruso Appears on Entrance Ramp as Spotlight on her as she leans right with her left hand on her hip and her right hand running through her hair as she rolls her eyes. As walks Maria way to the ring as she yawns covering her mouth. As Maria gets to ring side she as she slowly walk up the ring steps as she enters in under top rope as make heart ❤️ shape jester breaking The it □ as she let’s out giggle as she takes off her Blazer~
Belvedere: From Westfield, New Jersey...standing 5’6 and weighing in at 125lbs...Maria Caruso!!!
~The fans give a slight boo to the debuting Caruso. Belvedere exits the ring and the bell sounds~
Smith: And here we go...another new face on OCW TV making their in-ring debut!
Hood: Yea, I’ve seen this woman on the newswire and whatnot a bunch. Was wondering if she was ever gonna fight anybody.
Smith: Well, she’s in that ring and she’s getting ready to fight the Mailman as we speak!
~Maria looks down at a few fans at ringside and she does the heart breaking sign again. They boo her louder than before. The Mailman eyes her liver. Or, the area where it’d be. He licks his lips and heads toward her, with his scalpel in hand. But, Gruff gets in his way and stops him, “What the hell, man! You can’t be carrying a scalpel in a wrestling match!” He wrestles with the Mailman for it~
Smith: Somebody forgot to tell The Mailman he can’t wrestle with a scalpel.
Hood: He was eyeing that liver something FIERCE
Smith: He sure was. Looking to DE-LIVER her.
Hood: You think he’s the guy responsible for all those people waking up in bathtubs with organs missing?
Smith: No idea.
~The Mailman manages to fight Gruff off only to get hit with a slap to the face from Maria!!! The Mailman spins around...Maria hits the ropes, she bounces off and delivers LOL (Running Knee) right into The Mailman’s face!!! His arms go up...the scalpel flies out of his hands and lands, safely, outside the ring. He falls to the mat~
Smith: Tremendous knee right to the face!
Hood: It looks like there won’t be a delivery today!
Smith: Nope!
~Caruso stands over The Mailman...she then drops to the mat and promptly locks in FBJail (Figure Four Necklock)!!! She chokes the life out of The Mailman as he slaps the mat, furiously. Gruff gives it a second or two, still annoyed over The Mailman’s antics before finally calling for the bell. It rings. He pulls Maria off her opponent and raises her hand high in victory~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...MARIA CARUSO!!!!!
Smith: Big debut win for Maria Caruso!
Hood: She’s apparently fiercer than rain, sleet, hail, and snow!
Smith: Her long awaited debut was a success as Maria Caruso lets everyone know that she’s a name worth remembering right here in OCW!
~We cut to the backstage area where “Throw Back” Steve Black stands in front of a couple of old school looking blue lockers. Beside him, holding a microphone and looking pretty gnarly himself is his manager and 80’s movie icon, Corey Feldman.~
Corey: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here with my client, aka the hippest man in all the land. He’s the dude of the hour whose face never sours. The man, the myth, and God’s gift… “Throw Back” Steve Black!
~Steve flexes his oiled up physic for the camera while making lots of really awesome facial expressions. He runs his hand through his bleach blonde crew cut while continuing to pose.~
Corey: Steve, we all know you’ve got a semi-main event match later this evening against the man calling himself The Standard. What chance does he have against a guy like you?
~Steve’s demeanor turns serious, well… 80’s wrestler serious as he hovers close to Corey.~
Steve: I’ll tell ya what, Feld-MAN. That Stan Dard clown couldn’t sell a Big Mac if his name was Ronald McDonald, ya dig? That dude looks like John Cusack from Say Anything. Well help us all out Stan and don’t say anything at all cause you’re boring as heck. Nobody cares what you say and nobody cares who you are. All eyes are on “Throw Back” Steve Black tonight. I’m taking the OCW world by storm one match at a time and those fat cats in management won’t be able to ignore me forever. Tonight’s the night I set the standard by putting Stan Dard on his back for the 1, 2, 3!
~More flexing. It’s beautiful.~
Corey: Strong words, Steve. Now, turning our attention elsewhere, last week you orchestrated what was, if I may, one of the most innovative post-match attacks in the history of our sport when you, Jimmy Greene, Ollie Rhule, and myself knocked Jacki O’Lantern down a vine or two after she dissed you backstage and totally overshadowed Ollie during their match. The Twitter has been buzzing all week about the two of you. Thoughts?
~Steve eases up a bit, looking more relaxed than at any other point in the interview.~
Steve: Let me tell you something about that little miss Jacki-In-The-Box. All she needs is some “Throw Back” in her box and she’d be as cool as the other side of the pillow, ya dig? I know it, she knows it, heck… all the OCW fans know it too. But Jacki wanted to play hard to get and let her pussy do the fighting for her. Party foul! Not cool at all dude. So I did what any upstanding citizen would do. I knocked her teeth down her throat and showed her who the real man is around here. I’m sure Jacki is appreciative in her own way of what I did for her. I showed her the pecking order around here, and if she’s lucky, I still might show her my pecker.
~Steve laughs at that hilarious joke and Corey can’t help but snicker a little.~
Steve: So to little miss Jacki with a house full of cats. You think your poop don’t stink but you’re just one of the rats. You hang in the locker room wanting a shot, but you don’t belong in the main event, you’re not even part of the plot. There’s only one stallion that’s got all the moxy. Sit back and take notes… cause Steve Black rocks-y!
~The cameraman motions that they’re done recording as Steve and Corey give each other a high five. They get themselves together and we follow them out of the locker room and down the hall.~
Corey: That Jacki really is a square, man. I can’t believe she burned you like that.
Steve: Her loss, bro-sky. Wait, you smell something?
~Steve and Corey stop in the middle of the hall and begin sniffing.~
Corey: I do. It smells like…
Steve: Cat poop!
~Steve looks down to see his foot smack dab in the middle of a pile of cat poop. Steve makes a gross out face as he takes his boot and scrapes it against the wall.~
Steve: This is way not cool, bro. Who lets these people bring cats into this place?
~As Steve finishes wiping his boot off, he turns a second too late as a cat comes flying at him from seemingly out of nowhere. It latches onto his face with its claws and begins digging in.~
Steve: Yeeeeeeeeowww!!!! Hot Tamale! Get this thing off of me!
~Corey Feldman grabs the back of the cat and tries to pull, but with every tug the cat just digs its paws deeper into Steve’s face. He lets out a loud yelp that startles the cat enough to release its grip. Steve’s face is now scratched to hell as blood begins to mix with the fresh paint job. Corey drops the cat to the floor and Steve tries to kick at it. He misses, his momentum carrying the lower half of his body forward causing him to fall, his back landing in the cat turd.~
Steve: Ay caramba!
~Corey reaches his arm out and helps Steve to his feet.~
Corey: Don’t have a cow, man. This is why you always bring a second set of ring gear. You never know when you’ll get accosted by a cat in the hallway. Now, let’s get you to the dressing room and I’ll get The Knife Man to come look at those wounds. Man… that pussy really got into you.
Steve: It burns.
~Corey nods as the two continue down the hallway and the scene fades out.~
Check out the replay for the ULTRA LOW PRICE of $69.69!!!!
~We cut backstage where Cap Slock enters Welsh’s office~
Marcus Welsh: Any sight of...Larry?
Cap Slock: I BELIEVE LARRY IS OCCUPIED AT THE MOMENT, SIR.
Marcus Welsh: Okay, good. Let’s go ahead and sign this Tag Match while we’ve got the opportunity.
Cap Slock: LARRY DID MENTION SOMETHING ABOUT BOB GETTING THE NIGHT OFF SINCE ADI’S BELOVED THUNDER KNUCKLES WAS IN THE MAIN EVENT.
Marcus Welsh: Hey! Are you working for Adi or are you working for me?
Cap Slock: I -
Marcus Welsh: That was rhetorical. You work for me, obviously. B.O.B. is not going to run this place like The Aptitude did back in 2019. They don’t have the class and sophistication of TIO, Meyhu, and CJ O’Donnell. They’re bastards. We need to run them out of here as quickly as possible. And it starts with their heart...the heart of B.O.B. is and has always been the tag team titles.
~Welsh snares a pen and he signs a piece of paper making the match official~
Marcus Welsh: Earlier today I was watching a documentary about an Owl fighting a Chicken. The Owl killed the Chicken and then ate it. However, the chicken had the last laugh as the owl died after consuming the chicken. You see where I’m going with this?
Cap Slock: NO SIR I DO NOT
Marcus Welsh: For fuck’s sake, captain! Open your eyes! I’m trying to tell you that Alice Knight and Bifford will be teaming up to face B.O.B. at Decadence for the OCW Tag Team Titles!
Cap Slock: OH. OKAY.
Marcus Welsh: Match is signed. We’ll see if B.O.B. can defeat a team of TWO Hall of Famers. This should do it, Captain. If Bifford and the Beast can defeat B.O.B. then I think we’ll have no problem running them out of OCW once and for all.
Cap Slock: WHATEVER YOU SAY SIR
Marcus Welsh: Now you’re talking.
~We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Huge match announcement! Bifford and Alice Knight are going to team up to take on B.O.B. at Decadence for the OCW Tag Titles!
Hood: Welsh pretty much hooking a heavy anchor around Bifford’s leg. He’s gonna have to do a lot of heavy lifting.
Smith: Hey! Alice is a legend, Hood! And from what I’ve heard she’s focused on making 2023 the YEAR of the OWL!
Hood: I don’t know what that means but it sounds awful.
Smith: On the flip side of this coin...Welsh is clearly looking to make things so miserable for B.O.B. that they leave OCW.
Hood: Can you blame him? They assaulted him last week! And, they are all sleeping with Adi Gold!
Smith: They aren’t ALL sleeping with her! I’m not even sure one of them is sleeping with her. Look at you jumping to conclusions.
Hood: I just figured bastards share everything.
Smith: Regardless...Welsh has stacked the deck against Harmon. He’s placed two Hall of Famers in B.O.B.’s way. And he’s got Crash and Thunder Knuckles competing in two very, very difficult matches. B.O.B. could easily go 0-4 at Decadence.
Hood: That’d be pretty close to a death blow.
Smith: It would rock their stability here in OCW, that’s for sure. Something I think we can all confidently state Marcus Welsh would love to see. Alright fans, it's time for more in-ring action...we from a debut to a return! The return of OCW legend Bob Grenier is next!
Bob Grenier (21-17) vs. All IC Bro (0-0)
~All IC Bro is in the ring talking about how BULLSHIT it is that he has to color code his promos. He says people who color code their promos are little pussies that can’t hold someone’s attention with normal, standard looking words. A few people gasp at his line of topic...when they do, he responds, “HEY, ALL IC, BRO...I’M KEEPING IT ALL IC.” Belvedere sighs and goes to work~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...All IC Bro!!!
~All IC Bro throws his arms in the air to a bunch of boos. He tells the people that they’re all a bunch of bitches anyway and they should all go out and get a life~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~Where The Hood At by DMX hits! The fans give a positive reaction to the returning legend, Bob Grenier. With a giant blunt hanging out of his mouth, Grenier marches down the ramp, puffing away, keeping his sights on the ring. All IC Bro bounces around, ready to grapple with a living legend. Grenier reaches the ringside area and pauses~
Belvedere: From Timmins, Ontario, Canada...standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs...he is a former OCW Champion...he is in the OCW Hall of Fame...he is...Bob Grenier!!!
~Grenier spits his joint into the crowd...it lands right between the lips of a 40 something, thick boned gal...she smiles and takes a huge hit, threatening to show her tits. Grenier hits the ring, popping to his feet. He looks out at the woman and motions for her to let them bitches free. Belvedere covers his eyes and exits~
Smith: Cover your eyes, viewers! This is not PG!
Hood: Everybody cover your fuckin eyes. Nobody wants to see this!
~She yanks down on her Iggy Hardy shirt, nearly ripping in half like Terry Marshall. Her tits flop free, hanging down to her waist. Bob rears back and crows, showing his admiration for the woman and her giant breasts. All IC Bro frowns with disgust. Scruff just stares at them. The fans around her go wild, pouring beer all over the woman’s face~
Smith: Interesting.
Hood: Beerkkake
~All IC Bro runs forward, nailing Bob in the back of the head with a double axe handle. Scruff snaps out of his daze and calls for the bell! It rings! The match is underway! Bob stumbles into a corner. All IC Bro spins him around and chops him across the chest twice before pausing, looking at the crowd as a bunch of men lick their beer off the woman’s chest. He dry heaves. Grenier fires forward, taking him down with a lariat~
Smith: All IC Bro needs to keep his focus on what’s happening in the ring and not outside it!
Hood: How can he...I mean, that’s fucking disgusting.
Smith: Just some fans enjoying themselves.
Hood: Some people shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy themselves in public.
~Grenier yanks All IC Bro off the mat...he hoists him up onto his shoulders..he looks at the big woman being licked by the thirsty men...he points at her...she yells out, ‘SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, BOB!’ Bob drops All IC Bro with Hollinger Park Hangman!!! He’s out. Bob makes the cover...Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...BOB GRENIER!!!!!
Smith: Easy win for Bob as he’s obviously getting himself in shape for THE GREAT ILLUMINATUS.
Hood: Yep. Bob’s got a shot to win the OCW Title next month and I’d be shocked if he doesn’t enter that pyramid with designs on taking it.
~Grenier exits the ring and he hops the guard rail. He promptly beats up all the fans licking on the woman. He takes the joint from her mouth and resumes enjoying it’s heat. Tossing an arm around the middle aged, thick woman who is now topless, Bob escorts her through the crowd, to the back. The fans chant, “EH! EH! GRENIER! EH!” he pauses, throws one arm in the air to a huge ovation before taking the woman back to his locker room~
Smith: An OCW original, everybody.
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY
Smith: Despite all that...whatever it was, I’ll say that this place is always better with an active Bob Grenier.
Hood: Amen to that!
~We cut to the back where “Throw Back” Steve Black and Corey Feldman walk out of a dressing room. Steve’s face has been attended to, but the claw marks were deep and are easily visible even with the face paint. He’s changed into another wicked sweet pair of tights and seems as ready as ever to take on the Standard.~
Corey: You ok, man? I’ve never seen a grown man cry that much before.
Steve: I wasn’t crying! The Knife Man just got some of that rubbing alcohol in my eyes, dude. You should know that more than anyone!
Corey: Yeah, my bad.
Steve: Have you seen Jimmy and Ollie? They’re supposed to be ringside with me this evening.
Corey: Man. Jimmy got hungry and went across the street to the Eat N’ Park. We’re not gonna see him for a long time.
Steve: Eat N’ Park? I pity the fool that goes into the bathroom after he gets done later.
Corey: Right?
Steve: What about… oh, there he is!
~Steve nods in the direction the two are walking as “Old School” Ollie Rhule walks up to them.~
Steve: You good to be at ringside tonight?
Ollie: Oh yeah. Ain’t no one gonna stop Ollie from having Steve’s Back. Steve Ollie’s friend.
Steve: Hahaha. You’re so dumb it’s funny. I love it. Hey! Run your head into that wall for me, will ya?
Ollie: Oh, no… Steve. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Last time I got con, conquered? No! Conch shelled? Concussed! I got concussed.
Steve: Ollie…
~Ollie sighs and slunks his shoulders.~
Ollie: O-k. Ollie, Ollie, oxen free!
~Ollie takes off with a head of steam and plants his head into the drywall. Steve and Corey share a quick laugh and continue down the hall, leaving Ollie’s head stuck.~
Steve: You know, Corey Feldman… that usually makes me laugh more than it did.
Corey: Think we should stop having him do it? It DOES seem to hurt an awful lot.
~They stop and look at each other before breaking out into a belly laugh.~
Steve: Hahahaha. Now THAT is funny. Come on Corey!
~Steve and Corey turn the corner when yet another cat (yes, a DIFFERENT one) jumps out of nowhere, this time latching onto Steve’s arm. This cat doesn’t dig in, instead acts as if it’s trying to climb up his arm, scratching the whole thing from wrist to shoulder blade in the process. Steve tries to shake it off but it’s quick enough to get all the way to his back before really cinching in.~
Steve: Ay-chee-wawa!!!!
~The cat slides down Steve’s back, it’s claws scratching lines much the way someone would if keying a car. Steve yells out again in pain as the cat drops to its feet and casually runs away.~
Corey: What the hell is going on here?
~Steve looks at Corey, near tears as his arm and back are covered in scrapes and blood.~
Steve: I don’t know, but these are party fouls left and right. When I get my hands on these cats, or better yet… the person responsible for them… let’s just say I’m gonna be smashing pumpkins all night.
~Corey laughs.~
Corey: Ha! Funny! Smashing Pumpkins!
Steve: I don’t get it.
Corey: You know, the band?
Steve: What are you talking about?
~Corey remembers Steve’s from the 80’s and changes the subject.~
Corey: Nevermind. Let’s get you back to The Knife Man and clean those wounds.
~Steve hangs his head as the two turn around and walk back to his dressing room. They pass Ollie with his head still stuck in the wall.~
Ollie: Is that you Steve? Corey? Can somebody get me out of here?
~Steve looks at Corey and puts one finger to his mouth with “shhhh” as they walk pas on their tiptoes like in the cartoonst.~
Ollie: Guys? GUYS!!!
~Steve and Corey turn the corner, offering no help to their stablemate. Ollie pushes hard against the wall and finally manages to dislodge his head. Disoriented, he smacks himself a few times to make sure he’s lucid. The goofball expression has been completely erased from his face.~
Ollie: I see how it is. This stupid gimmick’s going to leave me brain dead before it’s all over with. Steve and Corey don’t wanna help their supposed friend? We’ll see how much help dumb old Ollie is tonight during Steve’s match. It won’t be long til they’re all playing by my rules.
~The scene fades on Ollie smiling in the hall.~
Brett Daniels (2-4) vs. Killian Neville (0-0)
~Daniels and Neville are both in the ring. Wow, no entrances. What a drag~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen...the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring...he was part of the team that finished second in the 2021 Margarita Mix...he is...Brett Daniels!
~Daniels holds a beer up high in the air to a strong ovation~
Belvedere: And, his opponent...Killian Neville!
~Neville just kinda exists~
Smith: Alright, a reboot for Killian Neville while Brett Daniels returns to the ring looking to gain some momentum.
Hood: Yea, should be interesting, right?
Smith: Well, the fact neither man got an entrance doesn’t bode well.
~Belvedere exits the ring and the bell sounds. Daniels and Neville size each other up~
Smith: And here we go!
Hood: Brett’s still got that beer bottle in his hand...hit him in the head, Brett! Let’s go!
~A voice clears its throat over the OCW Arena’s sound system. Everybody turns, wrestlers included, toward the ramp where they see a new face. He stands at the top of the ramp with a mic in his hand~
Smith: Hood! That’s The Man in Red! He’s the manager of OCW’s newest signing...AZAZEL!
Hood: Okay...looks like a trustworthy guy...NOT
Smith: Not, huh?
Hood: Sorry, took a trip back to the 90s for a second.
The Man in Red: As riveting as this match is for everyone in this arena and watching at home...I have something I think you’ll all enjoy just a little bit more.
~Neville and Daniels look confused. The crowd reacts as a blur leaps over the guardrail and hops onto the apron. We catch sight via the corner of our screen. We focus in and see AZAZEL on the top buckle! Both wrestlers turn and they each eat a knee to the face as AZAZEL leaps off the top rope, taking them down. He then pulls Neville off his feet...hooks him, hoists him up and drops him on his head with a Cutthroat Psycho Driver!!!~
Smith: Heaven Help Us! That’s the name of AZAZEL’s deadly finisher...which he just dropped Killian Neville with!
Hood: Geezus, looks like a good way to break someone’s neck!
~Daniels gets to his feet, staggering...he tries to his AZAZEL with his beer bottle but AZAZEL ducks, kicks Daniels in the gut, spins him around, hooks him and drops him with Heaven Help Us!!! Both men are down with AZAZEL standing in the ring...the fans are buzzing over the carnage and dominant visual of AZAZEL standing over two broken bodies. The Man in Red enters the ring and raises his client’s arm~
The Man in Red: Ladies and Gentlemen...I present to you...AZAZEL!
~Strong, mixed ovation from the fans who are unsure what they are getting themselves into with this guy. But, one thing can’t be argued...he knows how to make an impact~
Smith: AZAZEL doing what all great wrestlers do...making his presence felt emphatically.
Hood: Yep, this guy already looks like a star. Now, he’s just got to get into the ring and prove it.
Smith: Indeed! Alright fans, let's cut to another commercial break! More Massacre when we return!
~In his office, Marcus Welsh is seated at his desk playing with OCW action figures. He has his Marcus and Adi action figures in a compromising position when there is a knock at the door. He looks up.~
Marcus: Who is it?
~The door swings open and The Big Bifford walks in wearing a particularly full version of THE MAGICAL FLEECE, followed by Earl the Popcorn Salesman.~
Bifford: Dean, listen..
Marcus: Biff-
Bifford: I heard that you want me to challenge for the tag team titles, which is smart since Pike wasn’t strong enough to win them. Did you know that Pike has never pinned me, Dean?
Marcus: Biffor-
Bifford: And not only has Pike never pinned me, but I am a seasoned tag team wrestler. You know, I’ve held the GCWA Tag Team Titles before. I pinned Dangerous Dan to get them, Dean. Do you know who hasn’t pinned Dangerous Dan? Pike.
Marcus: Listen Bif-
Bifford: But listen, Dean.. I don’t know what you’re thinking having me team with Alice Knight. I don’t like Alice Knight. I pin Alice Knight like it’s a normal bodily function. Plus I have tag team partners.. Arachne and I are former GCWA Tag Champs in Biffarachnephobia. Imagine the pop of that return!
Marcus: Bif-
Bifford: Or we have EHUFFORD! The team of The Big Bifford and Ehud of Moab, we have a clean victory over Mario Maurako and Silver Cyanide.
~Bifford walks over and looks directly into the camera lens, just inches away.~
Bifford: Mario Maurako lost to Ehud of Moab.
~Bifford moves away from the camera and back up to Marcus who looks confused.~
Bifford: Imagine the pop when EHUFFORD makes their return.
Marcus: Ehud is retir-
Bifford: He came back for Zybala’s disgraceful Dystopia, so we need to bring him back to get that disgusting funk smell off of him before he dies. So EHUFFORD it is!
Marcus: Biff-
Earl: You know I could be your partner.
Bifford: Nobody wants to see that.
Marcus: I think Alice-
Bifford: Or what about THE PROCTOLOGIST? That guy’s prime for a comeback. BIFFOCTOLOGIST could be our tag team name. Or Proctufford..
Marcus: Is that the guy in that van behind the arena who keeps trying to lure people into getting an examination?
Bifford: .. yeah.. Okay, I don’t want to team with him. But he about his obviously-black son? Ehud Gray II. We could be EHUFFORD II.
Marcus: Bifford.. I think-
Bifford: Dean, why are you white?
Marcus: I’m not-
Bifford: White Dean, listen.. if Alice wants to team with me, she has to beat Arachne, Ehud, and Ehud’s obviously-biologically-not-related grandson, Ehud II.. but not in wrestling matches.. this cannot be settled in the ring.
Earl (gasping): No.. Bifford.. no.. you can’t mean..
Marcus (gasping): Oh no..
Bifford: THE GENTLEMEN’S GAMES.
~Bifford dramatically turns and walks from the room, his MAGICAL FLEECE flapping in the wind. Marcus and Earl are left alone in the office. Earl looks down at the action figures on Marcus’s desk and notices the Marcus and Adi figures in a questionable pose.~
Earl: What the fuck you up to here, Marcus? You some sorta perv?
~Marcus gives Earl a dirty look and points to his door. The short Jamaican popcorn salesman shrugs his shoulders and heads for the door as the scene cuts to…the announcers~
Smith: The Gentleman's games?!
Hood: No way Alice can win those. For starters, she's a woman!
Smith: Yes, she is.
Hood: And, well, even if she were a man...she's no gentleman, that much I can tell you!
Smith: Bifford's requests always seem to go through...no matter who's in charge or how weird they are...so it sounds like we might be getting the Gentleman's games next week!
Hood: Well it'd be more competitive than that last match we saw.
Smith: No doubt. Speaking of competition...what looks to be our most competitive match of the evening is up next! The Standard, looking to get to 2-0, faces his toughest opponent so far as he takes on Steve Black. Black SHOULD be focused about this one but he's been having issues with cats and Jackie O'Lantern.
Hood: Gotta be focused, Steve. The Standard is legit.
Smith: Let's head down to ringside for this one!
The Standard (1-0) vs. ‘Throwback’ Steve Black (2-4)
~The crowd is feeling pretty saucy. A typical ravenous OCW crowd...they’ve received quite a show so far. But, one thing that’s been lacking is a decent in-ring match. I mean, they should get ONE, right? RIGHT? Belvedere clears his throat to a strong ovation~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
~A hush comes over the arena as the first notes of "Hip to Be Square" by Huey Lewis and The News begins blasting throughout the arena. The fans stand to their feet and begin to boo loudly as "Throw Back" Steve Black walks out onto the stage, waving and giving thumbs up to the fans in every direction. His manager, Lonnie Smith, follows him but keeps his distance. Steve is all smiles as he walks down the entrance ramp toward the ring. He sees a fan giving him the middle finger and responds by putting his index finger up and shouting, "I'm #1!!". Both Steve and Lonnie walk up the ring steps and enter through the middle rope. They do the Top Gun windmill high five before Lonnie rolls out of the ring and Steve flexes to the dismay of the crowd, though he cluelessly thinks they're in full support of him~
Belvedere: From Lakeland, Florida...standing 6’4 and weighing in at 255lbs… ‘Throwback’ Steve Black!!!
Smith: Steve Black back inside the ring! Looking to notch his first victory of 2023!
Hood: Yea, but he’s gotta get that woman out of his mind. Fuckin woman...the downfall of every great man!
Smith: I’m not sure I’d call Steve Black a ‘great man’.
Hood: You have no idea what greatness is.
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~Metal. Metallica. You know the sound. Black, white, and purple smoke tunnels twist in a convergence at the entrance. Cameramen sprint up the ramp with handhelds to get the right shot for you at home. A thunderous lightning strike hits the center. Standing in its wake is The Standard of Professional Wrestling. The place goes apeshit. He emerges fully with glee and a stern ready-for-business discernment in his lethally attractive stare. The man, the myth, the legend sprints out making the energy level spill over in the arena. Sliding into the ring Stan glides as if governed by different gravity. Running post to post he gathers all the energy up to use against this opponent. The Standard has graced us all with another lesson~
Belvedere: From Manhattan, New York...standing 6’4 and weighing in at 195lbs...The Standard!!
~Belvedere exits. Scruff calls for the bell and the match is underway!~
Smith: And here we go! Can The Standard win his second match in a row or will Steve Black knock the Standard off his perch?
Hood: Shut up and watch!
Smith: Okay, okay!
~The Standard calmly heads toward the center of the ring only to get met by the pure adrenaline and aggression of Steve Black! Black locks up with The Standard...the force of the lock up sends Stan backing up into the ropes. Black whips him off the ropes...Stan sprints across the ring, hits the ropes and throws a shoulder into Black...Black doesn’t move. Stan stumbles back, holding his shoulder, looking up at the ripped Steve Black. He scowls with determination, hits the ropes again and throws a clothesline at Steve...but Steve ducks! Stan hits the ropes...he bounces off...Steve turns around and leap frogs over Stan. Stan hits the ropes again, bounces off and gets tossed over with an arm drag! He tries to hold onto the arm but Stan is able to slip free, sliding out of the ring, looking up at Black~
Smith: Steve Black showing more ring awareness than what we’re used to! This man might be...different...but when that bell rings, he can go!
Hood: Yea, he’s at least much better than Parody Account.
Smith: A steep step up in competition for The Standard.
~Black flexes...the fans kinda cheer...then Black yells out some slur that is totally not acceptable in the year 2023 and the fans BOOOO~
Smith: Yea, that might’ve been cool in 1985, Steve. But not now.
~The Standard moves to get into the ring but Black steps forward...Stan hops down. Black motions for him to get back in...Stan jumps onto the apron real quick...Black reaches for him, Stan grabs Black by the head and he jumps down, raking Black’s throat over the top rope!! Black falls back onto the ring, coughing, holding his throat in pain. Stan slides into the ring...the fans aren’t exactly cheering him either, booing his sneaky maneuver~
Smith: We have two ‘heels’ in there, Hood.
Hood: WEAK ASS BOOKING
~Stan is quickly over Black with a flurry of punches into Steve’s flat top. Steve rolls over, looking to protect his skull. Stan grabs him by the head and he SLAMS Steve face first into the mat! The fans boo. Steve holds his face, kicking his feet against the mat in pain. Stan returns to his feet. He pulls Steve up and hooks him for a DDT...but Steve yells out and uses his strength advantage to bully Stan back into a corner!! Stan drives a few forearms into Steve’s back...but Steven buries his shoulder into Stan’s midsection, subduing him. He whips Stan across the ring into the opposite corner...Black sprints closely behind the running Stan. Stan hits the corner..but he runs up it and flips backwards, over Steve!! Steve finds and empty corner...he turns around and gets smacked in the head with an enziguri!!! Steve falls back into the corner, stunned~
Smith: Fast paced action! Both men are the same height but they couldn’t be much different in terms of skill.
Hood: Steve’s more mat based and uses his strength, as he should, to control a match.
Smith: Nice! Standard, meanwhile, isn’t afraid to take flight...given his flight friendly stature.
~Stan stays on Black, hopping onto the middle rope and punching him in the head repeatedly. He then falls back and tosses Steve over with a Monkey Flip!! Steve lands hard, arching his back in pain. Stan flips over and crawls forward, locking Steve’s head in a side headlock...he squeezes and twists, trying to keep Steve down...work the neck, punish him so that a pinfall or potential submission might come easier. Black yells out, reaching out to the fans. Some fan buys his entire section a beer and they go wild! Steve thinks they are cheering for him so he starts to get energized by the ‘support’...he fights to his feet~
Smith: Steve thinks those fans are cheering him and he’s drawing motivation from them!
Hood: I mean, whatever works...right?
Smith: Indeed!
~Steve gets to his feet and he throws elbow after elbow into Stan’s midsection!! Stan stumbles back, gasping for air, in pain. Steve hits the ropes and he fires off...Stan is laid out by a clothesline!! Stan hurries back to his feet...Steve hits the ropes again and once more he takes Stan down with a clothesline!! This time, Stan stays down. Steve scoops him up, holds him up and DRIVES Stan into the mat with a bodyslam!!! Stan reaches for his back, wincing in pain. Steve snares him by the hair, pulling him up. He spins Stan around and hoists him in the air for an Atomic Drop. Stan wiggles his legs and manages to flip over! He sticks the landing behind Steve. Steven turns around and SMACK! He gets hit with a picture perfect standing dropkick!!! Steve stumbles into the ropes...bounces off...Stan leaps up and takes him to the mat with a Frankensteiner!!! Steve is down!! Stan takes a moment on one knee to catch his breath~
Smith: Tremendous athleticism by The Standard to flip Steve Black and this match right on its head!
Hood: When you’re that fast and that athletic you’re never out of a match.
Smith: Nope. But he’s got to stay on Steve. The ‘Throwback’ isn’t finished yet.
~Stan is back on his feet. Steve stumbles to his. Stan kicks Steve in the gut and he hooks him for another DDT. This time, Stan kicks off the ropes for a Tornado Implant DDT!!! Stan spins around looking to plant Black...Black holds on, he yells out and he turns the Tornado DDT into a SPINEBUSTER!!!! Stan is down, wincing in pain. Steve pops to his feet, fired up~
Smith: What strength by Steve Black! He’s in control now!
Hood: The Standard keeps throwing shots at Steve but Steve keeps rejecting them.
Smith: Yea, it’s a new year. A new page for Steve Black. This could be the moment his career takes that big leap forward!
Hood: Just like Iggy Hardy!
~Stan hurries to his feet, fighting through the pain. He knows he can’t stay down. He throws a roundhouse kick at Steve. But Steve ducks, picks Stan up and drops him with an Atomic Drop!! Stan stumbles front first into a corner. He remains there, leaning up against the buckles, gasping for air. Steve walks up from behind and tries to lock in a sleeper! But Stan fights it off!! He struggles, knowing those roid filled 1980s biceps will put him to sleep. He steps up and kicks off the middle buckle, trying to flip over Steve...but Steve manages to grab hold of Stan’s waist and uses his momentum to take him over with a German Suplex!!! Steve bridges into a pin!! Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!
Smith: So close! Steve’s strength enabled him to turn that into a German Suplex!
Hood: Yea, Stan’s been able to get SOME stuff in...but he hasn’t really been able to sustain anything. Steve seems to come back at him every single time Stan gets control.
Smith: The Standard has to level up. The competition is fierce. He’s gotta figure out a way to remain on offense.
~Steve pulls Stan up and whips him into the ropes...Stan hits HARD. The ring nearly shifts. Steve charges in with a HUGE splash!!! He backs up...Stan stumbles forward...Steve ducks and he tosses Stan up and over onto the mat with a MASSIVE back body drop!! Stan lands HARD! Steve is back on his feet, fired up and in total control~
Smith: This doesn’t look good for Stan.
Hood: Man, good looking new guy. Bright future. And we feed him to flat top Steve Black. CLASSIC OCW, BABY.
Smith: It’s not over yet, Hood.
~Steve pulls Stan up. Stan throws a punch at Steve. Steve is shaken, slightly. Stan sees a slight window and he crashes into the ropes...the bounces off. Stan launches himself toward Steve but he catches him in midair. In a show of strength, Steve hoists Stan onto his shoulders into a fireman’s carry. Steve spins around looking to every area of the area before somersaulting forwards, planting Stan into the mat.~
Smith: Steve Black just took the Standard down Memory Lane.
Hood: He’s setting him up for Nostalgia!
~Steve lifts Stan to his feet and scoops him up. He looks to hit his finish when a cat leaps up to the turnbuckle nearest to him. Steve sees the cat and freaks out a bit, staggering and dropping Stan to the mat. He turns the other direction to see another cat. He scans the ring to see that cats have now mounted all four corners. Steve spins around, becoming disoriented. He yells at Ollie to take care of the cats. He carefully hops onto the apron and begins picking up each cat and handing them off to some of the ring crew. With all four cats removed, Steve seems satisfied and smiles as he turns his attention back to Stan. He turns just in time to receive a standing claymore kick to the face. Steve staggers, allowing Stan to grab him by the head and smash his face into the mat with a cutter!~
Smith: That’s it! Stan calls that “Never the Same”!
~Stan drops to the mat and drapes his body across Steve.~
1!
2!!
3!!!
DING DING DING
Belvedere: Here is your winner… The Standard!!!
~The Standard rolls out of the ring and backs his way up the entrance ramp as the ref catches up to raise his hand in the air. Corey Feldman rolls into the ring to check on Steve who just now begins to stir. Ollie has joined the ring crew trying to wrangle the cats safely. Suddenly the lights in the arena turn off. The reaction from the crowd grows suspenseful as to what will happen, then after a few minutes they turn back on, and they are shocked at the person standing across the ring from Steve and Corey.~
Smith: It’s Jacki O'Lantern!
Hood: What the hell? Haven’t her and her cats done enough?
~The crowd goes wild upon seeing her. They look like they just saw a ghost. She smirks at all of them, then retrieves an orange baseball bat from behind her back. She raises it in the air while sticking out her tongue, then without wasting any more time, runs and hits Corey in the gut with it first a couple of times. While he is on the ground in obvious pain, Steve is barking orders at Ollie to take her out but Ollie seemingly doesn’t hear him as he continues to attend to the cats. Jacki turns around with an intense look on her face as she walks towards Steve, the man responsible for the beat down she received last week. One that she has not forgiven. As the two are nose to nose, he puts his hands up and pleads with her not to hit him. He loudly shouts “I’m sorry!”~
Smith: Steve Black is begging for his life and Jacki doesn’t seem all too willing to oblige.
Hood: Her cats have scratched up his face, arm, and back all night. Hasn’t she put this man through enough?
~Jacki looks at the crowd, who wants to see Steve get his ass kicked. Instead, she has a change of heart and slowly places the bat down on the ground. Steve smiles and says “thank you”. He opens his arms for a hug as the crowd boos. Jacki thinks for a minute, then goes in for the hug. Steve seems happy, but the look on his face quickly turns to excruciating pain as Jacki proceeds to knee him on the dick!~
Smith: Looks like Jacki finally decided to give Steve a shot after all!
Hood: Clever.
~Steve falls to his knees holding his crotch. From there, Jacki flips her hair back with a grin while she grabs her bat again and hits him repeatedly over and over, much to the delight of the crowd. Ollie turns to finally see what’s happening but makes no attempt to interfere.~
Hood: What is Ollie doing? Get in there and help your friend!
Smith: The same “friend” that makes him ram his head into things for his own amusement?
Hood: Yes!
~Once Jacki feels satisfied with her handiwork, she slides under the bottom rope and walks backwards up the ramp. She stares Steve down, chuckling as she watches him moaning in pain. She slaps some hands and celebrates as the crowd cheers her on as we fade out.~
The Lost Stranger (29-8) vs. Phoenix LeStrange (0-1)
~LeStrange is in the ring. She’s sticking her tongue out and acting all OnlyFanish for some people at ringside who quickly subscribe to whatever it is she is selling~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen...it is now time for our Main Event of the evening! The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring...she is one half of the tag team HAVEN...she is...Phoenix LeStrange!!!
~Solid ovation for the aesthetically pleasing LeStrange~
Smith: Alright, LeStrange is already in the ring. So, that’s one.
Hood: But it takes two to tango.
Smith: We’ve pondered all night whether or not TLS would show up with the OCW Championship. The moment is now...will the faux OCW Champion show up and return the belt?
Hood: Or will he go full Arryk Rage and try to parlay this into an OCW Title shot? By the way, did that ever work for Arryk?
Smith: I think once, maybe. The first time. After that he just kinda got ignored.
Hood: That makes sense.
~Everybody waits~
Belvedere: And, her opponent…
~More waiting~
Smith: C’mon, TLS! Bring that belt home! Do the right thing!
Hood: The right thing? Dude has been cock blocked for twenty years! If he wants to hold onto that belt for a few more week, can you really blame him?
Smith: Yes! He hasn’t EARNED it.
Hood: He pinned PIC!
Smith: Unofficially.
Hood: Always a fuckin out when it comes to TLS and the main event. Fuckin unreal.
~More waiting...the fans get antsy. “TLS! TLS!” they chant, hoping maybe he’s like Beetlejuice or something. Or, worse, bloody mary~
Smith: C’mon, TLS! Do the right thing! Even if the pin didn’t count you’ll get your shot! Just bring the belt back!
Hood: He’s probably halfway to a brothel in Thailand right about now.
Smith: Don’t go to Thailand, TLS! There are plenty of good brothels in Key West!
Hood: Whoa? Speak from experience? If so, Imma need those coordinates.
~The TLS chants continue to sound out. Phoenix looks around like, “WTF is going on?” She wants Scruff to count TLS out or something...give her the easy win...and then...THE LIGHTS GO OUT!! The fans go go wild~
Smith: The lights are out!
Hood: NO SHIT
Smith: You know what this means!
Hood: Daddy Gold isn’t as rich as we were all led to believe.
~The lights return on and TLS IS IN THE RING! The fans go wild!! He’s behind LeStrange. She turns around and SMACK! She gets hit in the face with the OCW Title!! The crowd erupts with cheers!! TLS grabs LeStrange, he rolls her over for the DREADED SMALL PACKAGE and Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings. The Arena goes crazy~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...THE LOST STRANGER!!!!!
Smith: The Lost Stranger has been found!
Hood: Quick, somebody grab that title before he runs off with it again!
Smith: Not sure how legal that entire match was...BUT it appears as though it’s going to be recognized as a legitimate win for TLS.
Hood: Hey, after last week, he’s owed one.
~LeStrange rolls out of the ring. TLS picks up the OCW Title and he holds it high above his head~
Smith: I have to say...it looks like a natural fit. TLS with the OCW Championship.
Hood: Not gonna argue that. But I know one man who is…
~The crowd pops! OCW Champion PIC emerges from behind the curtain! He’s pissed and he’s pointing down at ringside at TLS...pointing at HIS OCW Championship. He heads down the ramp~
Smith: And you knew he wouldn’t wait long! The OCW Champion is out here and he wants his title back!
Hood: The ongoing love hate relationship between TLS and PIC has taken a drastic turn into the HATE realm.
Smith: You can’t blame TLS for feeling wronged. And, you can’t blame PIC for being upset that his title was taken.
~More reactions! We cut to the crowd to see #1 Contender THUNDER KNUCKLES heading to the ring through the fans! He’s cursing and shoving people out of the way, making his way to the ring~
Smith: And there’s Thunder Knuckles! The man who has the LEGAL shot at the OCW Title at Decadence. He wants the OCW Title back where it belongs, too!
Hood: Yep, if TLS vanishes with the OCW Title again...what does TK have to actually WIN at the PPV?
Smith: Exactly.
~PIC reaches ringside. TK hops over the guardrail. Both men slide into the ring with TLS in the center, holding the OCW Title. The fans are on their feet! THE LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN~
Smith: Not again!
Hood: Are we trying to run off our epileptic viewers or something?
Smith: HOOD!
~The lights return! TLS is GONE! But, the OCW Title is on the mat in between PIC and TK. The fans cheer...they chant ‘YES!’ as PIC and TK look down at the title and then back up at one another~
Smith: TLS has vanished...but, unlike last week, this week he leaves the OCW Title behind.
Hood: He made his statement, Smith. He’s not going to steal the title like some pathetic loser. But, he is going to make both men aware that he is lurking...he is here...and he’s got that contract.
Smith: Indeed he does.
~PIC and TK coil up, prepared to battle once again...but, before they can, OCW Security led by Knux hits the ring and gets in between both men! The fans BOOO~
Smith: Let them fight!
Hood: They’ve fought enough, Smith. Save some for the PPV!
~PIC and TK are pulled apart. Knux manages to wrangle the OCW Title off the mat and he tosses it to PIC. PIC catches it...he looks down at it, relieved to have it back. He then holds it high in the air. TK tries to fight through security to get to him...but there are too many people. So, he points at PIC and hurls some profanity laced insults his way. PIC responds by smiling and shaking it all off, confident that when the time comes, he’ll shut TK up~
Smith: These two men are at each other’s throats, Hood. We’ve still got ONE more Massacre before the PPV. Can Welsh keep these two apart for one more week?
Hood: He’s gonna have to. Otherwise he won’t have a main event.
Smith: Fans, the OCW Title is back where it belongs. But, TLS looms larger than ever...his shadow cast over the OCW Title picture. Will he get involved at the PPV? Will he cash in? Can PIC and TK hold off from destroying each other for one more week or will Decadence come early next week on Massacre?
Hood: Those are questions.
Smith: We’ll get those answers next Monday! Alright fans, while the chaos at ringside gets settled...let’s take a commercial break.
The GREAT ILLUMINATUS RETURNS in February
(for details check the OOC forum)
~The arena has settled into a sort of excited lull in the final moments of the show when Harmon Egan’s theme “The Day is my Enemy” hits! The crowd reacts instantly, mostly positive but a smattering of jeers from people who don’t appreciate his allegiance with BOB. Nonetheless, Corey Smith pops out onto the ramp, getting down on one knee and double pointing as Harmon enters, Craze championship slung over his shoulder. They both slap hands with some of the fans at ringside before getting in. Corey asks for a mic and gets one in short order~
Corey: Greetings, once again, to Key West Florida!
Smith: Something of a cheap pop there.
Hood: Hey the smart ones use ‘em whenever they can.,
Corey: And we’re sorry to interrupt the show in it’s final moments, but there is something that has been bothering Harmon and I. And no, it’s not Easton, and NO it’s not Synn…actually it’s Marcus Welsh. Ya see folks, I don’t know if you’ve checked the preliminary card for Decadence, but it lists Harmon and Synn’s match as a “Speak Up” match. Yeah…a SPEAK UP match…
~Corey looks to Harmon who is just rubbing the bridge of his nose in annoyance~
Corey: Now, maybe it’s just a rib, but I goitta say I’m a little concerned about what this match entails. I mean, I would certainly hope that Welsh isn’t using this match as an excuse to screw over Harmon based on his disability. Not only would that be wildly unethical, but in violation of numerous disability protection laws. Right?
~Harmon nods his head~
Smith: So Corey’s a legal scholar?
Hood: Amongst his many other talents. And come on man, if Marsh is screwing Harmon because he can’t talk even YOU have to admit that’s a shit thing to do.
Smith: I guess I cannot disagree there. But we dont know for sure yet.
Corey: So Harmon and I were hoping to have a little chat with Mr. Welsh. So, sir, if you would so kindly step down to the ring so we can discuss this that would be…
~Just then the lights go dim in the arena, and red smoke begins to billow from the entrance way. A rotting stench engulfs the arena and it suddenly gets a bit colder~
Slipknot - Yen
Smith: Oh boy, we’ve got company.
Hood: How rude! The Champ’s manager was talking and now this freak has to ruin a perfectly good promo.
~She makes her way up the ramp, slowly, staring at Harmon with an odd look. She walks up the steps and into the ring, never taking her eyes off him or that title. She walks over, still looking at him, and reaches a black-nail-polish-clad hand out for a mic from the ring crew. They oblige. She smiles at Harmon, cocking her head from right to left, then left to right. She licks her lips a few times, and snarls a bit. Then, her snarl turns to a smile as she leans in close, sniffing Harmon. Sniffing. He seems perplexed~
SYNN: “You smell different when you're awake.”
~He shoots her a confused look. She doesn’t miss a beat. She turns to Corey~
SYNN: “Walls have ears. Doors have eyes. Trees have voices. Beasts tell lies. Beware the rain. Beware the snow. Beware the man you think you know."
Hood: What in the hell is she talking about?
Smith: Shhh….I’m trying to follow this.
Hood: Good luck.
SYNN: “So you’re the mouthpiece……”
~She smiles, extending out her hand with a big smile~
SYNN: “HIYA! I’m SYNN”
~She shakes his hand, even though he didn’t shake hers. It doesn’t last long, though, as she turns her attention now to Harmon~
SYNN: “When I was a young lass, sitting in my room watching the scratchy TV, slapping the sides every few minutes and adjusting the bunny ears, do you know what I was watching? Wrestling. I was infatuated by it, it consumed me. If my favorite wrestler lost, it ruined my week. If they won, I was a beaming ray of sunlight. I was in tune with the storylines, I was invested with the characters, I was……….there.
I never thought I’d actually be there. Why would I? A poor girl from way up yonder who likes facepaint and gorey movies. But here. I. am. A chance to make a difference, a chance to stand up for all the little boys and girls at home who watch wrestling to escape from their home lives, a chance to be a champion that can make a difference. A champion who does it the right way.”
~Corey looks back at Harmon who sighs and shrugs his shoulders~
Corey: Synn, pleasure meeting you again. This being the first time that didn't involve you hitting us with a foreign object.
Now, ask anyone, Harmon and I are all for making a difference. Harmon may be in BOB but there's a heart of gold beneath that rough exterior. Truly! But for someone who wants to preach all this Brandon Lee in The Crow flavored hope and change stuff….honey, you DID ambush us from behind. So you'll excuse me if all that shit you just said falls a little flat.”
~Synn smiles with stained teeth~
SYNN: Don’t try to make your muscle mime over here into a martyr, he knows what he did. You two skate the line of morality like Tony Hawk in his hey-day, but just looooove to point that finger at all the others who are “less righteous.” If your client was the good guy you make him out to be, he would have broken the hold when the bell rang. If he was too focused–or too stupid—to do so, then you should have done it yourself.
Let me ask you…….who is Harmon affiliated with? Who comes as a package deal with him?
Who else is swarming like a pack of rabid dogs that needed to be put down? You got it. The Roberts. The Bobs. The bad guys with sophomoric humor and a need to pacify themselves with strength in numbers because individually……they're weak. Cowards. Soft. Was Harmon in that circle with them? There is no participation trophy for being a bully Cor, you either win the medal or get off the podium.”
~Harmon looks some combination of angry and…hurt? And Corey looks like he's about to light Synn up when…”Obsession” by Animotion hits! The fans give a mixed reaction….although it’s leaning more towards BOOS than cheers. Marcus Welsh appears from behind the curtain, mic in hand. The two contenders turn toward the acting…Owner(?). Whoever he is, he’s got the power. He’s also got a mic~
Marcus Welsh: SYNN. Harmon Egan. Two cornerstones helping establish the future of this company. So happy to see the two of you doing what you can to push and promote the Craze Championship at Decadence. I’m proud of you both.
~They don’t really need his pride. Or anything, really. But both are pretty sure he’s out there for a reason that supersedes admiration~
Marcus Welsh: I’m so used to wrestlers collecting checks and letting the promotion and title at stake do all the hype work. That’s just how things USUALLY go. So, I took preemptive measures to enhance the match you two are slated to have by creating a brand new stipulation.
Smith: A new stipulation?
Hood: Yes! Wacky stipulations are back! You think it’ll be a Spooky Ghost Match?
Smith: No, Hood. Those only happen in October.
Marcus Welsh: Now, it’s my job as the face that runs the place to ensure that these stipulations are fair and equal to both parties. SYNN…I just see superstar potential in you. I think you have a shot at becoming the third woman in history to hold the OCW TItle. Harmon…well, you’re in BOB. So, you’ve got that going for you.
~The fans boo Welsh’s passive aggressive dig. If you know anything about wrestling you can probably sense where this is going~
Marcus Welsh: So, with those things in mind I created a stip I think you’ll both enjoy. We’re going to call this match a SPEAK UP Match. The rules are simple. When the bell rings a mic will be placed in the center of the ring. The two of you will then battle it out. Whenever one of you obtains the mic you’ll have the opportunity to speak into it and you can use that opportunity to add or take away a rule in the match. So, for instance…SYNN could grab the mic and announce that the match is now a ‘No DQ’ match. Or, SYNN could grab the mic and announce the match is now a ‘ladder’ match. The possibilities are endless.
Smith: But what about Harmon?
Hood: Hey, if he can find a voice by the event 0he’ll have the chance to use the mic, too!
Marcus Welsh: The first wrestler to win the match under whatever stipulation exists…wins the Craze Title.
~The crowd boos as Harmon looks around, frustrated. It’s clear the odds are stacked against him~
Marcus Welsh: Hold on. Hold on. Harmon, I can see you’re a little perturbed by this stipulation. So, tell ya what. I’m a fair guy. If you are able to defeat SYNN at Decadence then you will receive an OCW Title shot at our Pay Per View event in March. K?
~The crowd pops for the announcement…hearing ‘Harmon’ and ‘OCW Title’ in connection with one another. IT’S ABOUT TIME~
Marcus Welsh: Good? Great.
~Welsh’s music hits again ushering him to the back. Corey is seen placing a hand on Harmkns chest and speaking to him softly to soothe him. The camera zooms in on Corey~
Corey: Don't worry Ive got an idea.
~But that's when Synn reenters the picture. Stepping up to the Champ, she speaks~
SYNN: "I don't want to alarm you, but right now, there is a skeleton inside of you." She boops Harmons nose, causing him to step forward. Corey holds him back. She turns to Corey. "And at Decadence, I'm going to break it."
~She drops the mic and exits the ring, YEN by Slipknot playing as the red mist returns~
Hood: Damn this has got to be the biggest threat to Harmons reign yet. He's got a game challenger and the screw job fix is in courtesy of Welsh.
Smith: It's definitely a tough hill to climb for the champ!
Hood: No shit.
Smith: Alright folks, it’s already been an action packed Massacre with everything building toward what’s to come. However, when we return we switch gears. A melancholy moment as we celebrate Mike Zybala’s in-ring career which, has sadly, come to an end.. Zybala’s official retirement is up next...after this break!
~We cut backstage where Who’Re is standing by with AKB. It’s like old times. Who’Re is looking like she always does. AKB keeps staring down at her cleavage~
Who’Re: Hey OCW fans! Who’Re back here with a nice Decadence update for you all! And, with me is my best friend, Alpha!
~Alpha keeps staring down Who’Re’s low cut shirt~
Who’Re: Hey, eyes up here, Alpha. Eyes up here.
AKB: Oh, yea, sorry.
Who’Re: Five marquee matches for this month’s PPV. We’ve got one stipulation out of the way. But what about the other four?
AKB: WHAT ABOUT THEM?
Who’Re: I know, right? Well, we’re here to tell you ALL about them.
AKB: Let’s go deep.
Who’Re: We’re going to start off with the opener. A multi person match with a Craze Title shot on the line. We’re calling it a New Year’s Ball Match!
AKB: The way you say ‘ball’.
Who’Re: Stay focused, Alpha. There will be two giant glass balls hanging above the ring. Every three minutes they will descend to the ring and a door will open. A wrestler can enter at this time. The ball will then rise back above the ring where it will hang for three minutes before descending. Now, why would a wrestler enter?
AKB: For rest. Let the others fight it out.
Who’Re: Exactly. Only problem is once you’re in that glass ball you cannot win the match. So, if a pin happens while you’re in that glass ball suspended above the ring...you’re out of luck.
AKB: Always a risk.
Who’Re: A first of it’s kind! The New Year’s Ball Match to kick off the show!
AKB: Huzzah!
Who’Re: That brings us to tag team action. A match we’re calling the RELEASE THE KRAKEN Match.
AKB: Alright, gonna need details on this via your filthy mouth.
Who’Re: One member of each team has to start the match cuffed to their team’s corner. They must also stand on the apron. The other member is free to compete. The keys to the cuffs are located inside the top buckle located in their opponents corner. In order to free your partner, you must get the key out of the top buckle from your opponent’s corner and return to your corner to unlock the cuffs. Once your partner is freed both members of the team are active, legal competitors.
AKB: And how does the kraken fit into this?
Who’Re: Oh and once you’re released from your handcuffs you’re supposed to yell ‘RELEASE THE KRAKEN’.
AKB: Seems pretty gimmicky and unnecessary but okay.
Who’Re: The Release the Kraken Match for the OCW Tag Team Titles!
AKB: I honestly feel like I’m just filler here.
Who’Re: That takes us to the Paradigm Championship. This is an Extremely Enforced Rules Match. It is what it sounds like. The rules are going to be held up to a premium. Several refs at ringside to make sure there are no low blows. No eye rakes. No cheating. The slightest hint of cheating will result in a DQ and if the champion is DQ’d the title will transfer.
AKB: Lame.
Who’Re: And that brings us to the main event. The OCW Championship. This one’s pretty simple...a Ball Room Brawl. Both competitors will square off inside an empty ball room. The doors will be locked and they’ll be free to wage war using any and everything within the ballroom. The match is won via pinfall, submission, or knockout.
AKB: Hey, we’re throwing a belated new year’s party. Might as well end it with a ball room brawl.
Who’Re: Exactly! So, there you have it...the stipulations for the matches at this month’s PPV. It should be a doozy!
AKB: So says the floozy.
Who’Re: Don’t miss Decadence in two weeks LIVE only on Pay Per View!
~We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Well, those matches don’t lack originality.
Hood: I mean, I wanna say some of those sound way too complicated and kinda stupid. But...I’ve said that before only to witness a match that rocked my fuckin face off.
Smith: Yep, OCW has a magical gift of manipulating the absurd. I’m sure Decadence will be no different! Don’t miss it, folks! This one has all the makings of being one of the best shows in OCW history!
Hood: Alright, is that it? Feels like this show is dragging.
Smith: ONE MORE SEGMENT
Hood: Can we cut this one?
Smith: Absolutely not! It’s time, folks. The moment we all hoped would never come. It’s time to wish Mike Zybala farewell. Get the tissues ready. One of the most passionate performers in OCW history is about to head out here and wish us goodbye.
Hood: You SURE we can’t cut this one?
Smith: NO!
~ We cut back from the commercial break to see the crowd cheering. "Party Hard" by Andrew W.K. hits the speakers and the cheers reach a whole other level! Mike Zybala steps out from the backstage area and the fans are deafening! ~
Hood: I think I’m gonna need a six pack to get through this one!!!
Smith: WHAT?!?!
Hood: I SAID I NEED SOME BOOZE!!
Smith: I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THIS CROWD!
Hood: Fucking fans….
~ Zybala gently limps his way to the ring, high-fiving fans and taking pictures along the way. He rolls in the ring and Belvedere hands him a microphone. The music stops but the fans don't. "THANK YOU MIKE!" and "MIKE ZYBALA" chants fill the arena. Tears can be seen brimming in Zybala's eyes. He feels the love. He then drops to his knees and bows to the fans. He does this for all four sides of the rings, only making the crowd louder. Mike gives the fans a few moments and raises the microphone when they start to quiet down. ~
Zybala: Did you honestly think I would leave you guys?? You can't get rid of me that easily.
~ The fans cheer loudly at this, but you could still hear Hood swearing over this. Zybala waits until the noise settles before continuing. ~
Zybala: Now, it IS true that I said I would retire if I couldn't win the OCW World Championship, but a lot of you seemed to have not heard the part where I said only as an active wrestler.
Despite me bringing it up on an almost weekly basis, a lot of people seemed to have forgotten that I am a minority owner of OCW. And with me stepping away from the in-ring action, I can focus more on the…. leadership duties befitting my ownership.
~ The fans cheer more. Zybala isn't totally going away? They can live with this. Hood, on the other hand…~
Hood: Bullshit!! Why won't he just go away!?!
Smith: Careful. That's one of your bosses your talking about..
Hood: Pfft! Mr. Welsh has my back.
Smith: That may be, but who has more power? Welsh or Zybala?
Zybala: Now, before I go on about what I plan to do in my administrative role, and Marcus inevitably comes out to try to talk me out of any idea I have, I want to talk to all of you people. The fans who have supported me these damn near twenty long years through thick and thin. The friends I've made in the locker rooms I've been in. The enemies that made me even more must see. And the rivals who pushed me to break my limits. I have one thing to say to all of you.
I love you and thank you.
You made it worth getting out of bed after a long night. You made the grueling training to get better bearable. You helped the time away from home hurt less. You made this job FUN! You made this feel more like an enjoyable pass time than a job to earn money. You all are what kept me going in this crazy world of ours. So, from those who I traded fists with to those I've traded driving duties. To those who've had my back and those who've stabbed it. To everyone I've shared a locker room with and the people behind the scenes that make this show run. To you guys in the front row to all the way in the cheap seats. To every announce team who have called my match. Yes, even you Hood. To everyone sitting behind a computer typing away their next segments and rps. To all of you, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you with every fiber of my body, mind, and soul.
~ Zybala then starts to walk along all four sides of the ring, applauding and pointing outwards, trying to show his appreciation. “Obsession” hits and Marcus Welsh appears from behind the curtain. The fans start to boo as Zybala stops clapping and stands in the center of the ring, awaiting what is sure to be some form of negativity. Welsh reaches the ring…he calmly walks up the steps and enters through the ropes. He walks up to Zybala and he pulls the mic from his hands. More booing~
Smith: And it’s Welsh...AGAIN
Hood: Boy he sure is making up for lost time...what is this his 500th appearance on the show?
Smith: He’s never been shy about being on camera. Feel like we really need Adi to return from Newfoundland next week
Marcus Welsh: Everything you’ve said is true, Mike. Nobody has put more heart and soul into this place than you have. You’ve truly left a piece of yourself right here in OCW.
~The fans go wild. “ZYBALA!” chants~
Marcus Welsh: But, all things must come to an end and your run inside this ring is officially over. And, well, I have to say that I’m glad. I’m glad your uncanny ability to complicate things, derail feuds, and warp angles has reached its end. Now you can sit back and learn from the master. You can learn from me as I lead OCW into a new era…a new age.
~The fans resume booing. Zybala goes and gets another microphone so he doesn't have to keep passing one back and forth. ~
Zybala: Now is that anyway to talk to someone who has housed and fed you these past few months, Marcus? I thought we moved past all this negativity. I thought we were friends now. Think of the Bridgerton. Think of the Spaghetti-Os!
~ Welsh looks dismissive at all of this until Zybala mentions the Spaghetti-Os. A flash of guilt passes over his face, bit only briefly. Zybala continues. ~
Zybala: But you're right! I CAN learn from you. Over these past five years, I've learned that I can't just shoot from the hip when making decisions that affect the whole company. I can learn to be a bit more level headed from you. You have been doing this a lot longer than me.
~ Welsh looks genuinely surprised. But he still remains cautious. It is Mike after all. The other shoe will surely drop. ~
Zybala: So, I will learn from you. Maybe you'll learn a few things from me. A more go with the flow attitude maybe? Not totally relaxed like in Outsiders, but just not so rigid. We don't need you hospitalized again.
Speaking of Outsiders! We got Dystopia XXX coming up! And what better way to celebrate our FOURTH pay-per-view than having it air on OCW television!!
~ The fans cheer as Welsh looks annoyed. He sighs and shakes his head. ~
Welsh: This is what I'm talking about. Why would I allow you to take over a coveted ppv time slot for Outsiders?
Zybala: You wouldn't. I know that. I'm not asking for a ppv spot. I was gonna take over a Massacre spot…. And of course, The Key West Arena! Where else would you want to see The Nickleman take on Lord Allton for The Outsiders World Championship? Besides, if Nickleman is busy with Outsiders World champ, he's out of your hair for a while about facing PIC.
~ Zybala gives Welsh a wink and a nudge. Welsh just ignores all of this~
Marcus Welsh: Look, you’re getting ahead of yourself. Tonight is about celebrating your in-ring achievements. We can focus on the future…in the future.
~Welsh snaps his fingers and The Knife Man enters the ring carrying a bag~
Marcus Welsh: Speaking of the moment…in this moment, I’d like to offer you a few parting gifts as a reward for all the effort, energy, and enthusiasm you put into OCW.
~The crowd oohs and aahs. Zybala looks excited~
Marcus Welsh: First up…
~He digs into the bag~
Marcus Welsh: A personalized Mecchazoid or whatever that stupid dinosaur power ranger thing is called that you love so much…personalized to look and resemble you. A Zybalazoid or whatever you wanna call it.
~Welsh hands the giant toy to Mike. Being the gracious guy he is, Mike takes the toy and poses with it so fans can get pitchers. ~
Zybala: That is actually thoughtful. Thank you Marcus. Mecha-Mike is a spitting image. If this wasn't a personal gift, I would say let's mass produce it…. Though a robot toy line for our wrestlers might sell good…. Future thoughts though. Thank you, Marcus.
~ Zybala goes in for a hug, to which Marcus deftly avoids. He then reaches into the bag again…all the while trying to get Mike to settle down. Welsh pulls out a VHS tape~
Marcus Welsh: So I had some of the homeless people out back put together some of the greatest highlights and matches from the entire Outsiders run and place them on, well, VHS seemed fitting. It’s a 12 minute masterpiece.
~Welsh hands the VHS tape to Mike. Zybala is starting to look a teeny bit annoyed at the "thought" going into these gifts as he takes the VHS. ~
Zybala: Come on, Marcus. The Brack Friday Bunduru match was at least 20 minutes. Give Outsiders a little bit a credit…
~ Welsh looks angered at this and screams! ~
Welsh: I…I’m not even going to respond to that. I’m not going to get angry…
~ Welsh starts breathing heavily as Zybala looks a bit scared. He places a hand on Welsh's shoulder, who swats it away. Zybala tries to appease the man as he looks over the VHS. ~
Zybala: Thank you, Markie Mark. It is a nice tape. In fact, the plastic looks so brand new, one would think you time traveled back to the 80s just to get it!
~ Zybala cautiously eyes Welsh. Did his ruse work? No, it did not. Welsh keeps a serious gaze on Zybala…he takes one more deep breath before removing the final item from the bag~
Welsh: And the final retirement gift…a replica OCW Championship for you to hang on your wall. Because, even though you never were good enough to win the real thing, your still an OCW Champion in most people’s hearts.
~Welsh hands the title over. It’s made of foam with cheap plastic taped on as the belt plates. Zybala looks at the belt and doesn't take it. He looks like he's ready to hit Welsh but he stills his fist, or foot. Superkicks are always on his mind. ~
Zybala: Really? Is this how highly you think of me? Yes, I understand that I never won the big one, but I was just as important in this company as any of those champions. After you hiatus, and you wanting to bring back OCW, who was the first person to answer the call? I was! When Who'Re threw you out of a window, who visited you every week in the hospital? Me!
Who sold you 90% of the company for pocket change because I felt you were the right owner for this place? Me again! When you STUPIDLY allowed Thad to buy up all your shares and he kicked you out of the company, who brought you into their home? Mike Zybala! When people have walked out, been purged, or rage quit, who has ALWAYS stuck by yours and OCWs side like a conjoined twin?! Mike Fucking Zybala! And this is the thanks, the appreciation I get?? I name a months-long tournament after you and you can even get me a good replica title…. Thanks for ruining what was supposed to be a good night… Welsh.
~ Zybala drops all the "gifts" to the mat and leaves the ring as the fans boo Welsh like never before. Welsh stands in the ring, watching. The fans continue to boo. Mike heads up the aisle, shaking his head. He’s pissed, hurt, and frustrated. Betrayed. Welsh continues to watch, staring down at the ‘gifts’. The boos get louder. Mike reaches the top of the ramp. He heads for the curtain~
Welsh: Oh, Mike...there is just one more gift I forgot to give you.
~Zybala sighs and turns around...he extends his arms as if to say ‘alright, let’s have it’ expecting something demeaning. An image appears on the OCW Tron behind him...the crowd goes wild. Zybala looks surprised...Welsh points, urging Mike to look behind him. Mike turns around, he looks up and~
~The crowd goes wild!~
Welsh: Mike Zybala...welcome to the OCW Hall of Fame!
~Pyro goes off! The fans leap to their feet chanting “ZYBALA! ZYBALA!” Zybala takes a step back, shocked and shaken. Welsh exits the ring and heads up the ramp~
Smith: Zybala is in the Hall of Fame!
Hood: I hate to say it...but it’s deserved.
Smith: Nobody has earned it more, Hood! NOBODY
~Welsh reaches the top of the ramp and he grabs Zybala, who is still staring up at the graphic in shock...Welsh spins him around. He extends his hand...Zybala slaps Welsh’s hand away and leaps in for the biggest bro hug ever! The OCW Arena goes wild~
Smith: Brothers don’t shake hands...BROTHERS GOTTA HUG
Hood: So fuckin lame. Can we get like a chair shot or something? C’mon!
Smith: You getting a little misty over there, Hood?
Hood: NO
~They break the embrace and Welsh raises Zybala’s hand high in the air to a raucous ovation! “ZYBALA! ZYBALA!” Welsh then backs away and does the ‘bow’ gesture toward Zybala before exiting and leaving Mike all alone on stage to soak in the ovation and attention that is rightly and justly his~
Smith: There’ll never be another one like him, Hood.
Hood: I mean, that IS a fact.
~Zybala looks around...he takes in the chants. He thanks the fans...he then finds the nearest camera, stares into it and throws one final SUPERKICK! Into the lens...and, with that, we promptly fade to black~