OCW Magazine - March 2004
Dude. That is the one word that sums up the first month-and-a-half of OCW. Just “dude”. After the attacks, the revelations, the side-changes and the formations, all you can say is “dude”. Of course, I can say a lot more on the subject, but that will come a little later. Hello, I’m Dan Simpleton, the ULTIMATE #1 FAN of Online Championship Wrestling and its variety of the JEDI – er – “faces”. Anyway, we’ve got a lot to cover, so I’m going to make it short, sweet, and to the point…without making it short, sweet OR to the point. Get my drift? Cool.
We start where everyone starts, in the beginning, before the big bite, before the transformation, a long, long, long, long time ago in a place far, far, far, far away, and before the “let there be light”. Anyway, “in the beginning”, we had your big names: Jin Royale, Kevin Heat, Tony Cuffari, and Gambler Greg. Then, we had your unknowns, but hopefuls: Gordon Gnome, Shorty Shea, and Brandon Fox. And, last, we have your no-hope-blunders, which I really wouldn’t care to mention in the first place. Then again, without them we wouldn’t have cuts, and we wouldn’t be so happy that they be fired, so YAY FOR NO-HOPE-BLUNDERERS! It’s a SHAME that they call themselves wrestlers on the Face side of the spectrum. Well, the big names flourished, the hopeful unknowns balanced on the brink, and the blunderers, well, botched their last move. Keeping up? Huh? Good…
Now, that we’re back to the present we can get to Massacre, Razorbacked IV and all the juicy FANATIC PACKS in between, starting with Gambler Greg. Now, Gambler Greg has been in the business, up the walls, and down with the falls. He’s gotten himself a pretty good backing, although he really hasn’t shown himself to be such in the past few weeks. I should known, I’ve been glued to the tube long enough to figure out if Greg doesn’t make a move and FAST he isn’t going to make it far in OCW. So far, since Razorbacked, he’s won himself a title shot to ANY FREAKING TITLE…except the World Title. (Damn, I KNEW that was too good to be true!) After that battle royal, all he may need is a good boost for an oncoming shot at the World Title. That is, if he does it exactly right. Who knows, we may find ourselves in a federation where a FACE has the World Title.. but that may not be Gambler Greg for quite some time.
Moving on, we’ve got Tony Cuffari to talk about. Tony, although not too known by some of the people in OCW, has been here before. If you were as big of a #1 OBSESSED FAN as I am, then you’d know that he used to go by the name King Tony, although that gimmick didn’t lead him too far in the business. Back to the present, after all that preparation to become the next World Title winner, Tony messed it up by not giving it his all in the World Title match back at Razorbacked. Wow, and I really was going for him, but I guess he wasn’t going for himself too much that night. Anyway, I’ll be looking for him to take a STRIKE at the next Massacre… either that or leave it to “Lurrrrrrrr” (or however you spell his name). Tony’s got the potential, got the drive, all he needs is the match. My thoughts: GO TONY!
Next on the menu, we’ve got Kevin Heat. Now, Kevin’s been a rising star since his debut back in NLW (Yes, I did watch NLW, you less-absorbed FANATICS!) and he was pretty good there… never good enough for the World Title, but pretty good. He has the moves, the drive, but maybe not the power to get past some of the veterans in the ring against him. If he doesn’t look out for himself now, he may find a long and winding road ahead of him. On the BRIGHT side, he just won himself the Intercontinental Title! While he may be a little down on the ranks, who knows, he could mature into a better wrestler than most have imagined in the first place? He may have to put a little UMPH into it, but he’s got the style that most look for in a World Title Holder.
And, of course, I’ve come to the issue of…Jin Royale. Now, in my mind, Jin Royale has been the BEST Face EVER to GRACE the HALLS, BACKSTAGES, AND RINGS of OCW… but at Razorbacked, he changed EVERYTHING. (OOOHHH!! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!) Jin has always been a little… naïve, to some people. But the fact that he not only was HELPED by the ever-hated TGO (Trevor Kent) but that he JOINED his ranks proves that there is NOTHING that we can’t expect from him. Jin… he USED to be the best… Now, he’s just another HATER of the FANS like MYSELF!!! …But, on a lighter note, he won the World Title…Whoop-dee-freakin’-do.
Anyway, in the month coming up, I expect people like Henry Illusion Tippyunder (the Notorious H.I.T.), Curt Canon, and “The Machine” Alec BeGrod to move up the ranks of OCW. Hopefully, someone will be able to take the World Title from a low-down sneak of a pregnant dog, Jin Royale, but that’s just my thoughts. Robin turned on Batman, didn’t he? But he got what he deserved in the end… Er – I’m getting off topic! Goodnight, adios, and let the FORCE of the FACE be with you!
Welcome to the Rookie Report where I, Hugh Tague, will evaluate all of the rookies that have arrived in Online Championship Wrestling in the past month or so. Alright, lets get started then…
A slew of new talent has joined the OCW roster since the company was reopened around a month ago. As most new members go, some where good and others weren’t. Probably the most impressive of the newcomers is Hardcore Timmay, who managed to capture gold before anyone else and has an impressive undefeated singles streak with six wins. Timmay won the Television title after defeating Brandon Fox on Massacre. He went on to defend his title in a grueling High as it Gets match against Nitro at Razorbacked. There can be no denying that at the rate he’s going, Timmay is destined for greatness here in the OCW, whether you like him or not.
Timmay isn’t the only newcomer to the OCW to grab some gold, however. Night Stalker and Kevin Heat also managed impressive victories at Razorbacked in matches just as gruesome as Timmays. Night Stalker was crowned United States champion after beating Black Jack in a bloody Iron Maiden match, and Kevin Keat won the Intercontinental Championship after beating OCW vet J. Rish in a barbed wire match. Both of these superstars have shown what it takes to be championship material and you can look for them to continue to amaze OCW talent, staff, and fans alike.
Many other rookies in the OCW who haven’t managed to achieve gold have also shown potential to one day adorn themselves with gold. Henry Illusion Tippyunder came dangerously close to claiming the Lightweight Championship from Sirus Esteban Del-Norte but fell just short. The Hangman has been tearing down the competition and Marcus Gratton has shown a lot of good potential as has his rival Mill E. Onaire. Nitro and Brandon Fox impressed everyone in their first match here in OCW, a street fight that nearly left both men crippled. Both Fox and Nitro have proved worthy adversaries for Hardcore Timmay and his TV championship. You can put money on one of them getting their hands on some gold soon and Nitro has a shot at Night Stalker and his US title this coming Monday Night, so it might be sooner then you think. Shane Rainz has a lot of potential but needs to improve some more. Gambler Greg surprised everybody when he won the Rookie Rumble, who knows what title Greg will choose to go after, but Greg may very well have gold of his own for the next article that I write.
Well, for every successful rookie, there are two more that fail. While the OCW has had a downpour of good talent, there are even more jobbers that end up failing. A small army of competitors simply fell short of their expectations and either had to leave or got fired. Such wrestlers includes Dark Angel, Johnny Odel, Painkiller, Shorty Shea, The Judge, Teck Nyne, Blade, Darla Black, Double Trouble, El Nutso, Ashton Sage, Psycho, “The Truth” Simon Pharrell, Matt Ward, and Sonny Tutone. However, from the ashes of these failures rise new wrestlers that look to impress. These are the super hero Blue Thunder, Curse, Frost, “Superstar” Ian Hawk, Anarchy, and Terrance Black, just to name a few. Others that look interesting, but I doubt will be holding titles anytime soon, are “The Flatulent Beast” Ryu Izuma and Gordon Gnome. At the very least, they will keep us laughing.
Well, that’s it for the Rookie Report. I look forward to seeing how some of these newcomers are going to turn out and I also can’t wait too see what the rookies that have been here awhile have in store for us next. Look to the skies and keep dreaming guys, some day it may all be yours.
Disclaimer: These are the rants and ravings of Kabuki Jo. They do not necessarily represent the feelings of any sane person. Should you be offended, well, then that's your own damn problem, ass-monkey!
Ok all of you morons, now it’s time to get to the good part of this damned OCW magazine. Yes, you heard me right assjockeys, this is the only column that means something in this magazine. Why? Well because I’m doing it dipshit! Now it’s time for me to get to work, so listen and listen good!
Now that I’ve gotten all of your attention let me start off by saying: What the fuck has the OCW came to? Yes, you heard that right too! We have rookies holding some of the titles here in the OCW? Why? Because we don’t have enough good talent on the roster to keep their slimy hands off of the titles! We have a stupid ass like Hardcore Timmay winning the Television Championship, not really like that title really holds any significant value here in the OCW, but it’s still just the thought of having a rookie (and a lousy one at that) like Hardcore Timmay representing the OCW is completely unheard of and utterly disgusting!!
But let’s not give Timmay any more satisfaction with talking about him; let’s move onto more important things. No, I’m not talking about Andy Murray’s non-existent sex life; I’m talking about things like who the other OCW Champions are. I guess you can say that this past month in the OCW has been a rebuilding month, and I know that everyone is going to say that’s why the OCW has sucked so badly, and although that is definitely a valid point, I still say that there are enough OCW followers out there who don’t like the staff at this current time and that’s why they’re not joining. Now look at me, I’m veering off course here. Back to what I was saying, the OCW has been rebuilding, so with the rebuilding comes new champions. This part of my column I’m going to just run down the list of champions and tell you exactly what I think of them.
OCW Tag Team Champions Sex & Violence: Sure, they’re good but they’re not Perfectly Marvelous! Oh yes folks, I did say it! Sex & Violence will never live up to their predecessors, and if they ever do (and trust me, they won’t) they will never get the recognition for it because Sex & Violence’s members are going to be stuck on the lower part of the OCW for as long as I see in the future.
OCW Television Champion Hardcore Timmay: Overrated. And probably the Scoot Time of this era in OCW. Maybe TGO will kill him next?!
OCW World Lightweight Champion Sirus Estaban Del-Norte: This guy reeks of coolness!! SED-N has to be the best OCW Lightweight Champion that the OCW has ever seen! He far surpasses has-beens like Josh Allen! And he might even win the World Title!! Even though this guy has had no challenge up to this point in the OCW, I could definitely see him shooting for the International Title pretty soon.
OCW United States Champion Night Stalker: This guy is one bad motherfucker! I wouldn’t fuck with this guy ever!!! I have a feeling this time in the OCW Night Stalker is going to make his way up the ladder and not be forbidden to the mid/lower card. Why do I think this? Because he made the best decision of his life by teaming up with The Kent Syndicate, and we all know what being associated with TGO means!! Everyone in the past that has been associated with The Great One has had massive success in the OCW, and Night Stalker will be no different!
OCW World Hardcore Champion Maniac Mark Kelly: Do I really need to comment on another loser?!
OCW International Champion Kevin Heat: OH GOD!! WHEN DOES THE PAIN END?!?! This fucking moron doesn’t even deserve to hold a title in the OCW, sure he may have had previous stints as World Champion in other federations, but does that really make him qualified to be a champion in the OCW?! GOD NO! PLEASE SOMEONE TAKE HIM OUT IMMEDIATELY! THE PAIN OF WATCHING HIS PROMOS IS KILLING ME!!!
OCW World Heavyweight Champion Jin Royale: This guy made one of the most shocking transitions in the history of the OCW. This guy really showed that this time in the OCW he’s going to make an impact! Already a two-time World Champion, Jin Royale has to be the most dominant force in the OCW that has a pair of wrestling boots on! Move over Jack Sullivan, this time its Jin Royale’s time to shine!
Now that we’ve gotten finished with talking about all of the champions in the OCW lets look at what happened at the Pay-Per-View: Razorbacked IV. This PPV was a nice one! Lots of comebacks at Razorbacked, but none more important that the return of The Great One! Yes, I’m tooting his horn once again! And do I care, NO! Just think about it! This guy revolutionized how heels are viewed in the OCW, and he continues to do it week after week. When TGO comes back to the OCW he always has some reinforcements and that’s probably the biggest shocker of the month. He recruited Jin Royale, the World Heavyweight Champion, Sirus Estaban Del-Norte, the World Lightweight Champion, and Night Stalker, the OCW United States Champion. Just look at the list of names that he has under one stable this time! Definitely The Kent Syndicate isn’t a faction to be messed with, not by Dean, not by Andy Murray, and not by any other people who want to step in their way. The Kent Syndicate is definitely what will have to look forward to in the upcoming months, and we all saw what they can do at this past Massacre. Get ready folks, because the invasion has started!
Now others that made their return like Top Dog and Demon Knight don’t even stand a chance at getting Jin Royale’s World Title, but someone who might dethrone Mr. Royale is a man named Scorpion. Scorpion is no stranger to the World Championship, and look for him to make a run for it in the upcoming months. Scorpion is definitely someone that Jin Royale should be scared of!!
Now that we’ve gotten all of that bullshit out of the way lets move onto the rumors.
With the acquisition of Del-Norte Enterprises and Royale Corporations, Kent Industries is looking into now buying out more OCW stock. Hey! WAIT!!! Doesn’t TGO hold half of the stock in the OCW anyhow?! I’m going to have to get on top of this and find out why he’s not in charge of the OCW!!
Now with Andy Murray now coming back and joining with Jack Sullivan, the self-proclaimed “Legend”, will they be starting a stable as well, or are they just going to keep their alliance to each other and try to deal with The Kent Syndicate by themselves? My sources are telling me already that they have recruited that jobber Kevin Heat and even Scorpion to try to deal with TKS. Personally I think that that group of four could give The Kent Syndicate a run for their money!!!
What’s up with Dean lately?! Him and Lurrr sure have been getting to be “buddy, buddy” again!! At least Dean didn’t give Lurrr the World Championship like everyone that he was going to do. But stay tuned to the upcoming Massacres for the OCW to have a new World Champion in Lurrr. How does he win? By screwjob of course.
Movies, movies and more movies! Numerous OCW stars have been reported to get movie deals, and some superstars are about to take some time off to shoot those movies. Names like Scorpion, Jack Sullivan, and SED-N all have been reported to be shooting either romantic comedies or action flicks. We’ll be sure to see them all in the theaters.
In more OCW Entertainment news apparently Jin Royale has inked a recording contract for his first CD: El Diablo Jin Royale. Tracks are said to be written by the man himself. Such titles are: “Royale is the Greatest”, “Sullivan is Overrated”, “I Got Screwed by Dean and Lurrr”, and my personal favorite “I Kick Ass.” This CD is sure to be number one on the Billboard Top 40 in no time flat!!
In other rumor news Hardcore Timmay is said to be jerking off frequently and has gotten carpel tunnels. So he’s going to have to take some time off for that to get under control.
Breaking News!! Andy Murray is said to be giving all of his stock away to someone else!! Could we see a bye-bye Murray hello new staff member pretty soon?! I Do believe so!!!
El Linchador to return?! Rumors have it that he has just inked a deal with Dean-O and is said to be coming back to the OCW very shortly! Will El Linchador return to his alliance with The Great One or will he go to Jack Sullivan’s side?! Who knows! All I know is that he is coming back and sooner than later!!!
Well that’s all that I have for you in this column. But be sure to check out my weekly columns on the rumors board on the OCW website and also pick up next month’s issue of OCW Magazine! I’m sure it’ll be great!!!
As all of us, if not most of us know, the story of the Kent Syndicate has only just begun. Born from the ever acquisitional mind of Trevor "The Great One" Kent, this grouping of super-powers within the OCW had an unlikely start at Razorbacked IV, revealing not only that the most good hearted and stalwart heroes of the age can fall to darkness, but that they can do so without warning. Sure, the signs were there, some company, under a disguise, had been trying to buy out Jin Royale's company.
At Razorbacked, another champion began his own company, that one which owns this magazine you read today. Del-Norte Enterprises had just opened it's stock up for public sale, when it was bought all at once by Kent Industries. Now, this left control in the hands of Sirus Esteban Del-Norte, until his uncle, who held another third of the company's stock, sold the stock to Kent Industries at $40 a share. Now Kent Industries held a majority in the stock, 68% to be exact, and could run the company at their choosing. It was at the very moment Sirus found that he had lost his company the first day, that none other than Trevor Kent himself showed up at his dressing room with an offer he couldn't refuse. Now, Trevor had the two key elements he needed for the domination of OCW to begin. The future OCW World Heavyweight Champion, and the greatest OCW World Lightweight Champion of all time.
They made their first move before Jin even won his title, aiding him in doing so by faking out the ref at the time, and taking out Andy Murray, to make sure everything went their way. Now the big question remained: who would be the next to join forces with the Heavyweight, Lightweight, and Hall of Famer? The following Monday it was revealed that none other than Nightstalker, a disturbing rookie who managed to gain control of the OCW United States Title, would be the next to join. Their first demand to ensure his place by their side? Take out the man who dared to strike out at the World Champion only minutes after his monumentous win...Demon Knight.
Now a new question exists: who will rise to stem the tide of the Kent Syndicate's hostile takeover? Will an equally powerful group rise to face them head on? Only the oncoming months will reveal the answer.
Welcome sports fans to the first edition of the Brawling Bios, the section of OCW Magazine where I, your party host Will Henderson, will briefly go over the history of an OCW superstar. First up to the plate is Jack Sullivan, the self-proclaimed legend. Jack started his career here in OCW, as The Redeemer. During this first run, Jack faltered a bit, unable to get his footing. That is, until he joined up with Trevor Kent and El Linchador, forming The Answers. As a member of The Answers, Jack was given a shot at the then-current OCW Television champion Jake Navaja, a man who was on a tear within the fed. In the match, Jack came up short, losing to Navaja, however, Trevor Kent had pulled some strings during the contract signing, and Jake was forced to forfeit the OCW Television title to Jack. Shortly there after, however, OCW closed, and Jack was left without a home.
In an effort to get back on his feet, Jack started working for two different companies: RPW and NLW. Dropping the tagname 'Redeemer', Jack began to compete under his given name, and quickly won the RPW Tag Team titles with Pete "The Pornstar" Parker. At the same time, in NLW, Jack entered the 8 man NLW World title tournament. Jack beat Xavier White in the opening round, and defeated Kevin Heat in the semi-finals after Kannon interfered. This led up to the Equilizier match to determine the NLW World champion. Jack's opponent was none other than current OCW co-owner Andy Murray, who was attempting to make a comeback in the wrestling world. After a long and hard fought match, Jack was able to claim the NLW World title as his own. Over the next several months, Jack fought off challengers such as Kevin Heat, J. Rish and Jin Royale before finally losing the title to Titan 3.
Soon, however, both NLW and RPW closed their doors, and Jack made brief appearances in both EPW and UWF before finally settling on a new place to compete: the ICWF. In the ICWF, Jack quickly became at odds with Kylo, a long-time veteran of the sport. Before the two men could settle their differences in the ring, Kylo had a falling-out with ICWF management, causing him to leave the company. Jack quickly bounced back, making his one-time ally El Linchador his new target. At the Insane Rumble, Jack brutally attacked El Linchador, eliminating him from the rumble. At the very next Pay Per View, Jack defeated Warrick Hill to capture the ICWF North American title, a belt he would hold for the next four months. Over this time span, Jack would defeat such big name wrestlers as Top Dog and El Linchador, as well as defeating OCW legend Silver Cyanide in what would be Cyanide's last televised wrestling match. Eventually, however, Jack lost the North American title to Josh Allen.
Soon after dropping the title, OCW reopened its doors, and Jack rejoined, quickly getting himself into the World title match, where he was beaten for the title by Jin Royale. It is unknown at this point in time where Jack will go from here, but it can't possibly be anywhere that's good for his opponents.
Jack's Total Record (As of Press Time): 38-14
Jack's Title History (As of Press Time): OCW Television title, RPW World Tag Team title (With Pete "Pornstar" Parker), NLW World title, ICWF North American title
Hey ma', Frenchie Esperanta here with the first of probably many "Interviewin' Wit' Da' Ma'". This time around, I interviewed a certain OCW World Heavyweight Champion by the name of Jin Royale. It was right after his big win over Lurrr, Jack Sullivan, and Tony Cuffari at Razorbacked 4. I keep it in transcript form because I'm lazy.
Frenchie: Hey ma', it's me, Frenchie Esperanta! We were in the NLW together, ma'!
Jin Royale: ...Who?
Jin Royale: *shines belt*
Jin Royale: Oh, OH!
Jin Royale: The really little guy!
Frenchie: Uhh....yeah....so, I got hired as an "interviewer" for OCW Magazine, ma'....and the peeps all want to know how it feels to be the champ, ma'?
Jin Royale: Man...this baby here? *pats title belt* It never should've left me. In fact, I don't think it really LEFT...it was more like Dean babysat it for a while. It feels...what'd Trevor say?
Jin Royale: Superior?
Jin Royale: Yeah, superior.
Frenchie: Uhh, so....you...yeah...so it's a GOOD feeling, or a BAD feeling, ma'?
Jin Royale: ...It's good, Frencho. It's very very good.
Jin Royale: I mean, listen to those people out there. They LOVED it!
Frenchie: Great! I know I did...sorta...yeah.
Frenchie: So, how does it feel to be working with my hommie-g-funk Sirus Esteban Del-Norte...ohh, and that Trevor guy too?
Jin Royale: Oh, it's fantastic. See, I realized something Saturday night. I had a revelation, or, in this case...a TREVelation.
Jin Royale: See, all those fans out there...well, they're great and all, but no one could ever understand what it's like to be Jin Royale.
Jin Royale: My biggest concern is managing a multimillion dollar company and guarding my World Title...their biggest concern is making sure the pigs are fed or that their blue-collar job is safe so they can net 5 bucks an hour.
Jin Royale: So when Trevor came along, followed by SEDN...those are people that can understand me!
Jin Royale: So it was great to have people you can rely on in the clutch. You know Murray would've screwed me somehow.
Jin Royale: *picks up World Title belt and smooths back his hair in the reflection*
Frenchie: Yeah, damn that Murray guy, ma'. I was like "Hey Murray, get me a mocha!" one day in the NLW and he didn't get me one. Untrustworthy.
Jin Royale: Yeah, you can't trust anyone with kilts.
Frenchie: Kilts, skirts, it's all the same. Anyways, ma', I was wonderin'...boxers or briefs? I mean, the ladies all want to know. *shifts uncomfortably in his seat*
Jin Royale: Oh, briefs.
Jin Royale: They're so snug.
Frenchie: So you like 'em tight then?
Frenchie: Tighty-whitey's, as they say.
Jin Royale: Mine are blue.
Jin Royale: So I dunno what you call them then!
Frenchie: But you like 'em tight?
Frenchie: Or do you like 'em loose and baggy?
Frenchie: Inquiring minds want to know...
Jin Royale: Hmm...
Jin Royale: HEY WHAT KIND OF INTERVIEW IS THIS
Jin Royale: This is not about tighty-bluies!
Frenchie: Hey, ma', the ladies want to know...
Jin Royale: Even though the answer is loose and baggy but THAT'S NOT THE POINT~!
Frenchie: Ahh, I knew it, ma'!
Frenchie: So...you got a YMCA membership?
Jin Royale: Oh, sure. It's pretty keen.
Jin Royale: I got it for free!
Frenchie Hehe. Is it fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A?
Jin Royale: Sure, it's fun to stay at the YYY-M-C – HEY
Frenchie: there's this rumor that you're....you know....
Frenchie: popular in the locker-room
Jin Royale: Popular?
Frenchie: you know
Jin Royale: Well, I can't deny it. Everyone loves the Show.
Jin Royale: People love me from all over!
Jin Royale: Yes!
Frenchie: Do tell, ma'!
Jin Royale: I'm Mr. Showstime, the Showstopper, Jin Royale. Everyone wants a piece of me.
Frenchie: Even Dean?
Jin Royale: Why, you have Jack Sullivan, who got pinned 1-2-3-4-5-20, who wants me...
Jin Royale: You have Death Knight or Doom Knight or whatever, he wants me
Jin Royale: ...I would think Deano wants me, he signed me to OCW after all!
Frenchie: Were there any special requirements in your contract?
Jin Royale: Well, I'm easy to please. I just needed a whole set of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.
Jin Royale: Like, all of them.
Frenchie: So...like a child...
Frenchie: *shifts in his seat again*
Frenchie: Uhh, next topic, ma'.
Jin Royale: *blinks, shrugs*
Frenchie: Is there a "special someone" out there?
Jin Royale: Mmm? Oh, oh. Nah, nah. I don't have time for all of that stuff. I mean, I have a business to run and jobbers to beat down.
Jin Royale: I don't have time for non-collectible card game pursuits of pleasure.
Frenchie: Damn. I mean, that sucks, ma'.
Frenchie: How close is your relationship with your new partners? Strictly work, or partially play?
Jin Royale: Well, that's a tough question. Every time I try to teach Trevor how to play Pokemon, he just LOOKS at me.
Jin Royale: And then he gives me $20 and says to run and go play. He's like my dad, I guess.
Frenchie: So, he's like a sugar-daddy, of sorts?
Jin Royale: I guess, but not as sugary. He's a good guy deep down, when he's not closing down orphanages or anything.
Jin Royale: Sirus always wants to go out drinking or partying, and I usually go along. He's a fun guy. He played D&D once! I tried to get Trevor to play that too, but when I told him he couldn't be Jesus or God or even Zeus, he didn't feel like it.
Frenchie: Hey ma', I played D&D once...it was in Spanish, and I died 15 minutes in, but I played!
Jin Royale: They have D&D in Spanish?! Wow!
Jin Royale: Tomorrow is HERE!
Frenchie: Uhh, yeah ma'. Tomorrow and shit. Well, to wrap it up, you got anything to say to the bandejos out there?
Jin Royale: Why would I talk to banjos? They can't talk back.
Frenchie: BAN-DE-JOS. Assholes, ma'!
Jin Royale: Oh! Oh!
Jin Royale: Well, yeah.
Jin Royale: Everyone that wants my title can shove it. It's mine, and I won it fair and square. If you ask me nicely, MAYBE you'll get a shot, possibly maybe in a way not really NO.
Jin Royale: It's mine forever!
Frenchie: So they can all shove it?
Jin Royale: Yes. They can ALLLL SHOVE IT! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Jin Royale: Was that laugh good? Trevor said to work on it.
Frenchie: Not evil enough.
Frenchie: Cackle more.
Jin Royale: ...UWHAHAHAHAHAH?
Jin Royale: Or maybe MOOHAHAHAHAHAH?
Frenchie: No ma', more of a MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Jin Royale: MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH~
Frenchie: *thumbs up*
Frenchie: Damn right, ma'!
Jin Royale: Good times.
Frenchie: This has been the first of the SUPER FANTASTIC ESPECIAL GRANDE Interviewin' Wit' Da' Ma'!
MUAHAHAH!!!! I have returned! For those of you new to my articles...wow, you suck! To those of you who are, well then you know you love me. I was recently hired to join the great amalgamated staff of OCW Magazine, from which the lifeblood that is the OCW Magazine springeth forth unto the land. As the good book says, don't shit in your hand if you have a date. Well, maybe it doesn't say that, but I'm starting to think it should, especially after seeing that all these old fogey's are back in the OCW. Scorpion, Top Dog, Lurrr....makes me wonder when I'll make my great return? Ehh, never. Last thing I remember, I got my ass handed to me big time in the OCW. Something like 0-4, which IS way better than my ICWF record. Ugh, now I'm getting depressed. I'll keep writing after I drink a couple of cases of Guinness. That always makes the old boy feel better. This article is looking great.....man....I just drank like....15 bottles of Guinness, and you know what? Puppies peeing is great. That and spell-checkers, because you know I'm going to screw this up...ON WITH THE SHOW!!! WHOOHOO!!!!!
Wow. This guy is like older than dirt. Seriously, I got this dirt in my backyard the other day that was talking to me, and it said it was only 2 bizillion years old, and that's like WAY younger than old fogey dude Lurrrrrrrr. Heh, I also like to roll my tongue when I say Lurrrrrrrrr. You should do it too, do it with me! LURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.... LURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... Yeah, fun stuff. Hey, my tongue is numb now...I wonder if it'll hurt if I bite it...yeah, yeah it hurts...
World Heavyweight Championship:
Man ohh man, Jin Royale is so cool. Except for that Yu-Gi-Go, or whatever it is, thing he does. That blows like a Dutch whore. Cheaply. Whatever the hell that means. You know, that reminds me of the time Frenchie and I wnet to Amsterdam. I shoulda taken Warrick Hill, he woulda loved it there. It's like a GREAT place. Whoops, got to vomit, excuse me for a few minutes...
World Lightweight Championship:
Ugh, now my breath smells worse than usual. Maybe I should join an "Alcoholic-Bulemic's Anonymous" group...ehh, why should I, I don't have a problem. Anyways, back to my hardcore nephew. Sirus is WAY popular in the OCW, considering he's the epitome of asshole-ness. He takes after my side of the family, after all. I'm proud to say he's an even better athlete than I am. I mean, he DOES win, hehe.
Heh, been a few months since I heard this flamer's name mentioned. Last time I wrote about him was in the good old NLW. Seems to have made a bit of a name for himself in the ICWF and OCW, capturing the somewhat coveted Intercontinental Title. If I had half a mind, I'd...wait, what was I saying? Ohh yeah, I'd go after that Intercontinental title, and add it to my illustrious "table of wrestling crap" at my house, right along with my copy of the ICWF European Title. Man, i forgot I had that...
World Hardcore Championship:
"Maniac" Mark Kelley? Who's that? Ohh yeah, the guy that hangs out with that porno guy. Yeah...I sorta remember him. Crazy, loony, maniacal...yeah, whatever. Last I heard he didn't talk to himself, like all the other crazy wrestlers. Which reminds me, if we got together Drakfigure, Angel, and Mark Kelley, we could have the craziest stable in the world. That, or a lot of crazies hating each other...
United States Championship:
Who's this Night Stalker guy? I mean, he can't be Kolchak, because Kolchak is old. Still, he's kinda creepy. Like Sullivan's mom. She's one creep bitch. I just remember the time I went "trick or treat"ing there, and she put a severed mouse head in my bag. Sure, it tasted good, but the nutritional value just isn't there. Like the time I tried to brew beer by eating sugar, and yeast. Just didn't work at all. I wish it had, I'm all out of beer.
"Hardcore" Timmay has got to be the best rookie out there. Of course, i hate rookies, and I think they all suck, but by comparison he doesn't suck as bad. His match with Sirus will be a classic, and possibly even a runner for next month's "Match of the Month" award. Definately a must see. It's nice that another of the "Next Generation" OCW stars has made their debut. He's no Jin Royale, or Jason Stone, but he's well on his way to becoming one. Now he just needs to get rid of that damn Television Title.
World Tag-Team Championships:
Is this even WORTH discussing? They're like the ONLY tag-team out there, so why worry about it? S&V will be holding the titles for a long time, unless a miracle happens. Hmm, this reminds me of that time I was watching "The Young and the Raunchy" with Pete Parker. He kept doing announcing for the movie like it was a wrestling match. Lots and lots of "blown spots" indeed.
Man, everyone keeps running around screaming "blow-job" at this poor guy. When I hear blow-job, I think of Jenna Haze, not Dean "I'm Blacker Than You, Foo" Guy. Dean and a BJ? Unless it's a TV show involving a monkey, I don't want to hear about it. Wait, it's "screw-job" that they're yelling? Ohh, my bad. I was starting to get freaked out at the idea of getting e-mails for "Free Dean porn"...
And with that, God said "Let there be Daro" and it was good. Alright, he didn't say that either, but it's alright, I won't hold it against the guy. One person I WILL hold a grudge against is a certain Lethal Weapon series star, who didn't get me a part in that "Passion" movie that's come out. Danny Glover, my boot has your ass's name on it! I'm outta here, so until next month, party on!
Hey there all you avid OCW fans, I’d like to welcome each and every one of you to the first ever “Discourse” article by, yours truly, Dean. In this article, I’m basically going to give my input and opinion on the recent happenings of the fed, development of talent, future events, and other things that just happen to pop into my head. So, let’s get things started off…
First on the agenda is Jin Royale’s recent win at Razorbacked IV and his heel turn, proving, once again, no face is safe. With Jin’s turn, OCW finds itself with an extreme lack of faces…the roster is running rampant with heels. It was obvious; going into Razorbacked IV that Jin was OCW’s equivalent to Hulk Hogan. The headlining face that showed no signs of ever turning his back on the fans…well, enter Trevor Kent and Sirus Esteban Del-Norte. Apparently they were able to sway Jin away from the fans and over to the “darkside”. While I, personally, have no problem with the change, I do have a problem with The Great One receiving another free ride without any hard work. This just leads me to wonder how long this faction is going to last…well, if Mr. Kent’s track record means anything, we’re looking at a month or two at the most. So, will Jin remain heel when the stable falls apart? We’ll have to see…
As far as the Razorbacked IV main event goes…it was simply awesome. Watching Lurrr and Jin go at it for over thirty minutes reminded me why I stepped into this business in the first place. Two of the best giving it all they had for the top prize in the game. It was just too bad there had to be a loser…where will both men go from here? Tune into Massacre to find out…
Returns, returns, returns…Top Dog, Demon Knight, and Scorpion. All three came back at Razorbacked IV and two out of the three look to have staying power(Hey, 66% isn’t THAT bad). Top Dog may be in line for his biggest push during his OCW stay…can he handle it? Scorpion, on the other hand, seems to be working off some of the ring rust. Will he be able to shake it off in time to finish what he’s started with Kevin Heat? Hmm…
OCW appears to be in very safe hands when you take a look at the plethora of newcomers. People from Hardcore Timmay all the way to the very new, Zeke Carmichael all appear to be loaded with talent and, most importantly, dedication. I, personally, can’t wait to see the futures of these competitors. Nitro, Night Stalker, Blue Thunder, Ryu Izuma, Hangman, Mill E. Onaire, Marcus Gratton, Shane Rainz, Ian Hawk, Curse, Frost…I haven’t seen this much young talent since the days of Bifford, Murray, Kannon, Cyanide, CMS, and Homeboy…great talent.
For the first time under my watch, OCW will be running a March Pay-Per-View…so, the new name? Blackout…it will air March 28th, 2004. All the titles will be defended as well as a few scores to be settled. Make sure you don’t miss this card…
By all accounts Razorbacked IV was a tremendous success…one of the best ppv’s in Dean’s OCW history…it is now airing on the “classics” channel where you can view every pay per view from the 2000-2001 years, check it out, learn some history…
We are still struggling to recover some of OCW’s past history that was lost during the management shuffle…slowly, but surely, we are piecing together parts of the Title History. Our goal is to have everything in place and in order by the summer of 2004.
New Hall of Fame inductees? Yes, the thought has been bouncing around in my head…there are a few superstars, retired and current, who deserve a spot in the Hall of Fame. If a show is to take place, don’t look for it to be announced, just look for it to pop up as a “surprise”. You gotta love a “surprise” show, really doesn’t give me any kind of a deadline to sweat out, hehe.
Other thoughts running around in my head…I would, ultimately, like to have a second show air weekly, so we can rid ourselves of those horrid dark matches. Just have to wait and see if everything falls into place. Also, I’m sad to announce the departure of Brandon Fox…he’s leaving OCW, it sucks, but we’ll move on. I am currently in ZERO negotiations with old superstars about a possible return. So, all of you thinking Silverfreak, Syren, Cyanide, Triple P, Triple M, or Bifford are about to return, don’t hold your breath.
There is a little disappointment on my end about the contribution of some wrestlers in OCW, currently. I feel a few guys can step it up, but, for some reason, aren’t willing to. With all the young talent just waiting for a chance to shine, if some of the upper tier guys don’t put forth the effort, watch for them to fall down the card while the younger guys get a chance to shine. After all, I’d rather see a guy headlining who may be a little less talented, but will give it everything he’s got over someone who’s loaded with talent but doesn’t care one way or the other. A few of the guys on the roster fit the latter of that sentence…
Nothing else really to say…this article didn’t flow as smoothly as I hoped, but they’ll get better as I get used to writing them. Anyways, make sure to tune into Massacre tomorrow evening as it will have a few very interesting match ups. My pick for match of the night has to be Hardcore Timmay against Sirus Esteban Del-Norte. Two champs going at it, both at the top of their games…very interesting indeed.