OCW Magazine - June 2002
Hello, my name is Vincent D’Amor, also known as Titan 3, also known as YOUR World Champion! You already knew this though, right? I’d like to welcome you all to my brand new column for “O” magazine…or whatever the Hell they are going to call this thing. Don’t ask me, I only work here!
Getting right down to business, my job is to cover all of the champions here in the OCW. After all, this IS “Champion’s Corner”, is it not? We’ll start with the most dynamic, most handsome, most debonair champion to ever grace the rings of the OCW…ME! As you all well know, I hold the most prestigious prize in the wrestling industry, the OCW World Heavyweight Title. What more needs to be said about me? I mean, other than that I’m a great columnist! I’m also a very decent and fair human being, as you will all discover soon. However, I was paid VERY big bucks to bring all of you OCW fanatics out there my honest opinions!
Next in line, we have the International Title. Of course, I was the very first man to ever hold that belt, so it has a very special place in my heart, and it always will. Now then, the current Jobbe….errr….”wrestler” to hold it is none other than the Good Reverend Scott Masters. This guy had the belt handed to him by President Bifford himself, so that cheapens everything that I worked for. No longer does the International Title seem like the prestigious title it was when I held it. Hopefully someone will come along and take that belt from Mr. Masters soon, and bring some dignity back to that fine piece of gold and leather.
Next up, we have Tommy Crimson representing the OCW Hardcore division! If there is ANYONE in the OCW that deserves that title, then Tommy Crimson is the man! Go Crimson!!
The Oceanic title is next. Can anyone explain to me exactly what that belt stands for? Is that actually a word? Okay, it’s some sort of scientific word. That’s fabulous, it really is. Does that mean that Linchy is champion of the seven freakin’ seas or something? El Linchador has my total respect, and I think he deserves more. He asked me if I would give him a World Title shot should I make it through Celtic Wars, which I WILL, without question, and my answer is…YES! You heard it here first ladies and gentlemen!
Moving right along, next up, we have the Television Title, and a man whom I also greatly respect, Jake Navaja! He’s definitely brought respectability to a belt that had practically been run into the ground by the likes of Outcast. Then again, put the name “Outcast” on any title, and the stock value will drop to almost unrecoverable levels almost immediately.
Pete Parker…what can you say about Pete Parker? The guy is a legend in this business…a lot like me! Why do you think I’m on the same side as he is? People keep saying “Titan 3, you’re such a nice guy, why do you hang around such an evil man like Pete Parker”? EVIL? Petey is not evil. He’s simply misunderstood. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, and he will replace the Great Josh Allen as the BEST OCW Lightweight Champion in HISTORY!
The Internet Title. Well, at least the guy holding it is decent. Possible Rookie of the Year candidate, Eliminator! This guy will go far in the OCW, mark my words.
I’d write about the tag-titles, but since Bifford has retired them, well, what’s the point? Sex and Violence will go down in history as the greatest team to ever hold those belts, hands down. Way to go fellow stablemates!
Anyway. Thanks for checking out my awesome column! We’ll see you again next edition! Oh, and you can tell your mother that wasn’t a pot-hole she stepped in earlier…it was GROUND ZERO, Biotch!
Question: Everyone remembers when Fenix left OCW back in August of 2001. The fans never heard from you anymore up until late February 2002 when you returned to OCW by joining Nu Generation, at the time led by Andy Murray along with Josh Allen and Homeboy. But that lasted a week, and then you disappeared. Where did you go?
Fenix: Well, it just wasn't my time yet. I had no plans to return to OCW until I was approached by the three of them, and I thought "What the hell?" So I gave it a try, but soon found out that I was in no way back to ring shape, and that you can't come back from 6 months of watching wrestling and eating candy and hope to accomplish anything in the ring.
Question: What made you return to OCW on a full-time status at Rolling Thunder?
Fenix: I was more ready and more prepared for what I was getting into. I was just waiting for the right time to make a return, and I saw the hardcore division as a window of opportunity. Well, you can all see how successful I was there, heh heh.
Question: There are quite a few critics of OCW wondering why you joined the group Blitzkreig. Do you and The Great One have something in common?
Fenix: Well, uh, not really, no. He just gave me a great opportunity to be in a group with some superior individuals, and I thought it was the thing I needed to get to the next step in my career.
Question: Where do you see yourself in one month?
Fenix: Number one contender for the world championship.
Question: What about in the next year?
Fenix: Multi-time World champion and guaranteed Hall of Famer.
Question: If you could improve yourself in one way, what way would that be?
Fenix: I don't need improvement.
Question: The OCW fans have been dying to know, what is your most memorable match in OCW and why?
Fenix: Oh, that's a toughie. Probably my Hardcore title match with Silverfreak. It was one of my first title matches in OCW and even though I lost it was awesome to get a chance at a legend so early in my career. Also my triple threat Intercontinental title defense against Bifford and Tommy Crimson, just because it's good to know you can beat the hell out of your boss if need be.
Question: The upcoming month of June looks booked for you, as very soon you will meet Josh Allen, El Linchador and Sirus Esteban Del-Norte in a six man tag match with Sex and Violence, and then on the 23rd you will face Josh Allen for the number one contendership of the world title. How do you think you will fair in these matches?
Fenix: I've already beaten El Linchador this month, so I see no reason why I shouldn't go 3-0 and make June a momentous month in my career.
Food: Easy Mac, cause it's so damn easy to make.
Movie: Any movie where the bad guy wins.
Song: My theme music.
Book:Mick Foley's two books.
TV Show: Tuesday Night Massacre, of course.
You can catch Fenix in action on OCW TV June 15th and June 23rd, 2002.
Question: Goldie, it's been a while since you've wrestled in the OCW World Title Division, and this June 23rd, President Bifford has given you the shot of a lifetime. You will compete against Titan 3 (C), Andy Murray and TGO in a fatal fourway for the world title. What is your opinion on being stuck in this match?
Goldie:Well, this is quite an honor for me. I have been waiting in line for the longest and I am long overdue for a World Title Match. The three men in the ring I have all faced before, so I know their strong points and their weak points. This is not only the greatest shot of my lifetime but this might just be the best match in my career here in the OCW. At Sinful Nature 3, not only will there be a new World Champion, but a new era of the ExTreMe Messiah will begin!
Question: Goldie, why does Bifford call you his "chosen one?"
Goldie: It's easy really. When I was working for Deano, Deano had me and he kept pushing me to the side. Dean put all his top guys towards me and I stood in the ring and battled them all down. He pushed SilverFreak in my way, put him down. He push The Great One in my way, I pushed him down.. He pushed Andy Murray in my way, I pushed him down. FInally, when Dean left, Ace came in and quickly I moved up in the ranks, I came back from a semi-retirement and in my first match back I went to be second place in the Apocalypse now Battle Royal. After that, I won my next 9 in a roll. Then I left again and I came back this time winning my first ever "Hardcore Title". Then ACE left and now Biff is here. Biff looked at the roster and he wanted to choose someone who he knows would lead the OCW into the right direction, that is why I was chose. I will succeed.
Question: Would you explain to the OCW world why you turned on Titan 3?
Goldie: Titan 3 and I had a great past. We were friends who had a mutrual respect for one another. When We came here as the "Dynasty", it was certain that I was going to be the World Champion and he was going to be the United States and the Intercontential champion. Well when Titan 3 became the World Champion, he changed. He became greedy.. He wanted everything for himself. When Bifford told me what was going to happen, he told me that I was going to turn on Titan 3 and get the World Title shot. At first It was hard to accept that, Titan 3 and I had learned the game from tough times, but now since I proved to the world that he isn't invisible, I am now going to take what I have always wanted and that is the World Heavyweight Title.
Question: What is your greatest match of all time, and what is your greatest rivalry?
Goldie: My greatest match of all time was against Silverfreak for the Hardcore title. SIlverFreak was the man of the world and he was on top of his game. I was a Rookie, and I had no experience in a title match. Prior going into the match, I was known as the Golden Boy and the underdog. Upon the match, I gave SilverFreak the greatest beating he had ever receive in his career. He won the match and kept the title. But in that match, it became the Greatest Match of Monday Night Massacre and it introduced the world into the phenom known as "The ExTreMe Messiah" Oh course everyone know that the greatest rivialy is and will forever be Andy Murray. The two of us battled and entertained the fans of the OCW for seven months. That's all I'l have to say on that subject.
Question: In your time off from OCW, what exactly did you do? Anything new?
Goldie: I was healing up old wounds
Question: Let's say you lose the World title match. Where do you see yourself in July as far as OCW is concerned?
Goldie: Well I want to get back in the division that I love and that is the Hardcore Division. The Hardcore Title now is in the hands of a prick.. Hey, I can say that can't I? Anyway, Tommy Crimson, Triple M? These two punks are patheic. THey do not deserve to be hardcore. I am going to win the Hardcore Title and finally bring some respect back to it.
Question: The "Bifford" Era... Good or Bad and why?
Goldie: Well as long as Goldie is the Champion or in the top Ranks here than it's good.
Food: Anything Italian
Movie: Scarface
Song: The Way I Am" by Eminem
Book: "The ExTrEme Messiah" written by Goldie hitting the stores in the beginning of 2003
TV Show: *NO ANSWER*
You can catch Goldie in action on OCW TV June 23rd, 2002.
Question: Kannon, it's been months since the OCW had you grace the squared circle. Actually, I believe last time you were here was when the Big Bifford was retired during the PPV. Why were you involved in all of that?
Kannon: The answer is simple. I hate Bifford... I don't respect him and I especially don't respect what he did to the OCW World title while he held it. Let's not forget him running out on our scheduled match in the LMS2 tourney... When I heard that fat bastard put himself into a retirement match, I couldn't help but get my shots in, to help make sure he was out of the ring for good. In case you didn't notice, I'm obviously not the only one who felt that way.
Question: Can you tell us why you left OCW in the first place?
Kannon: What kind of stupid question is that? I left OCW because I didn't get any respect. When I beat TGO and yes I beat him, just go back and watch the tape for the three count... The ref screwed me over and insisted the match continue. After that I went through RNO and by a fluke was eliminated near the end. After I won the Intercontinental title, I had advanced in the Last Man Standing tourney, when I was approached by Cheasy M and ordered to lay down for Homeboy the following evening. I did and walked out of the company shortly after.
Question: So, what have you been doing since you left OCW? Any new hobbies, or a new job maybe? Everyone backstage jokes about you being in a retirement home with SilverFreak!
Kannon: I don't need to work, I've built up enough money over the years.. I'm a multimillionaire with Mansions all over the world. I was the financial backer slash sponsor for a promotion called World's Toughest Federation, but to to poor management, I pulled the plug on their funds and it shut down. Rande Industries is always turning a profit. Just for the peons reading this that don't know... My legal name is James Rande... Not that anyone doesn't know me or isn't a tremendous fan of my amazing wrestling skills.
Question: Any plans to return to OCW anytime soon?
Kannon: Short answer? No... I would only come back if I had something to prove and as it stands right now, I don't.
Question: What would be your response to an offer at an OCW Staff position? (Just asking.)
Kannon: A staff position with OCW? No, I've done the staff thing before when I bought the OWA. It was fun for a time, but like most pet projects, began to bore me.
Question: The "Bifford" Era... Good or Bad and why?
Kannon: Bad... Anything Bifford does or says is bad for the wrestling community. He is making OCW into the laughing stock of the wrestling world. I know I have been just as out spoken, if not the most out spoken person against Bifford's style of running OCW. The belts now are meaningless and aside from T3 and Pete Parker there aren't really any truly deserving champions.. I mean Scott Masters as the International Champion? Give me a freakin' break...
**EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to improper language suitable for family viewing, the editor cut off the interview for the magazine at this point.**
Food: Anything expensive.
Movie: "Spankin of the Apes."
Song: "Shoot to Thrill" by AC/DC
Book: "How I F*cked the World Over" by James Rande
TV Show: Formerly "OWA Tuesday Eruption" My own personal toy; Currently I don't watch much TV.
Kannon can be seen playing "Go Fish" at the local retirement homes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Well folks welcome to the first edition of The REAL Scoop, written by none other than me, Kabuki Jo. Now unlike the Rumor Man and Josh Allen, I'm going to be telling it like it is.
Now, I had the opprotunity to sit down and talk to my employer, no it's not Bifford, I'm talking The Great One. Now in this exclusive interview (that took place on June 8th, right before Saturday Night Main Event), be prepared to hear some shocking comments from the Most Influential superstar in the OCW today. Well without further ado....
Kabuki: Well let me start off by saying thanks for doing this exclusive interview, Trevor...
TGO: Anything for my Executive Consultant. By the way, thanks for telling me to buy stock in Universal Studios, that made me another fortune.
Kabuki: Sure thing, it was the least that I could do. Now lets start the interview. Now, last month when the awards were released, there was some major contreversy behind you getting the new award, "Most Influential", and the rumors were flying that you didn't deserve it. What do you have to say about that?
TGO: Well quite frankly I could give a flying fuck less what they think of me. The reason that I got that award was because I deserved it! I don't see any other superstar that has been here longer than I have inside the OCW, besides Triple M. Now I have stuck through thick and thin with this federation and set a standard for everyone in this damn organization. And for them to disrespect me by saying that I didn't deserve the award was appauling. Now that I've got that piece of business taken care of, next question..
Kabuki: Well, let me ask you how you feel about the stable that you and Mr. Murray created, Blitzkreig. You have some of the top talent in the stable, and from what I hear you are looking for some more talent.
TGO: That's true, we are looking for some more talent to put inside the stable. Now, I'm not going to say who, because quite frankly I'm not going to tell all of these morons out there who's the next edition to Blitzkreig. But what I WILL tell those jabronics is that we've had some "extra baggage" some "unneeded weight" and I'm going to toss the "extra weight" over board right this instant. Matt Goodwin, you're out of Blitzkreig, and if we see your face around the OCW locker room, count on us kicking your ass!
Kabuki: WOW! That's more than we bargained for.
TGO: You should know to expect the unexpected with me, Kabuki..
Kabuki: That is true. Now I know that you're running late, because you have to catch a flight to Saturday Night Main Event, so I'm not going to keep you waiting. Now the next BIG question, is what do you think about the Main Event at Sinful Nature 3: The Celtic War?
TGO: Well right now I think that it's a joke. Why would Bifford, who is supposed to be my friend, book me in a match with Andy Murray? Is he trying to tear apart Blitzkreig? Because if he thinks for one little nanosecond that he can do that, then he's absolutely WRONG! There is nothing that can tear us apart, we are in fact the STRONGEST and most DOMINATE force inside the OCW! Now, Titan 3, the so-called "World Champ", he hasn't proved anything to me. He's an undeserving champion that can be taken out easily...just watch..
Kabuki: Well that's all! Thanks for your time, boss.
Now, as you can tell The Great One let some things off of his mind. Some of which shocked us, and some of which we already knew. Now, don't be disappointed boys and girls, there is more to come to this story, which I will be reporting to you in the next couple of Kabuki Rants. And I hope that this has put an end to the rumors of The Great One's and Andy Murray's "differences". Until next edition, this has been The REAL Scoop.
Hello there, OCW. This column is a review of the happenings and angles going on around the OCW, and a way for you, the fans, to catch up in preparation of Sinful Nature III, The Celtic War, taking place June 23, 2002. So, since I can't think of a cool intro to start us off, let's get started with last month's PPV, Total Demolition II.
Ok, I know President Biff messed up the whole show and moved the matches around, but I'm just gonna let you know what happened in the order that I think is important, so I'm starting out with the Internet Title match.
This match was rather...odd. The Internet division has turned out to be something of a joke in the backstage area, and the champion going into this match was a big part of it. There was swimming pools, turtles, aquariums, fish, and just about anything else you could imagine. Why weren't these the stipulations for the Oceanic Title match? That probably would have made a little more sense, but you all know Bifford. Anyway, in this supposed main event Eliminator came out the champ, and he hasn't looked back since, keeping the title to defend at Sinful Nature III. This time he's got Jason Stone and Tiger Sid to worry about, and the stips for this match would take up this whole column if I tried to explain them all, so I'll let you mozy on over to the OCW website to find out. Of course, my money is on my pal Jason Stone, but Eliminator is one to watch out for, and you never know the lengths those Children of the Cause will go to for a win.
Lightweight Title Match: Josh Allen(c) vs. Pete Pornstar Parker
Malice vs. HOP vs. Cash Money vs. Scott Masters
TGO vs. Outcast, Number One Contendership to the OCW Title
El Linchador vs. Andy Murray, Oceanic Championship
Homeboy(c) vs. Tommy Crimson vs. MEEE!!! Hardcore Championship
Segment with Josh Allen
Kreller Masters(c) vs. Titan 3, World and International Championship
Ah, this match was especially fun to watch. It was one for the record books, but in the end Josh Allen just couldn't cut it. Even Sirus Esteban Del-Norte couldn't help Josh keep his title, in fact his manager cost Josh the title. This set-up many a match for Sinful Nature III, but the obvious one is the Lightweight Title match between Pete Parker and SED-N. Will SED-N make up for costing his friend the title, or will Pete Parker prove that he's the real deal and take out all the lightweight competition? There's only one way to find out, and that's by watching Sinful Nature III.
The next match was pretty mediocre, with House of Pain picking up the win to become the number one contender to the International Title. Later in the night, however, Scott Masters was awarded the International Title by Bifford, so at Sinful Nature III it will be Scott Masters vs. HOP vs. Outcast in a triple threat match. Could be a show stealer.
Are you kidding? Even if you didn't see the PPV you would know TGO won. There were a couple false victories, but in the end Blitzkrieg member TGO came up with the win, partially setting up the main event at Sinful Nature III: The Celtic War. I'll get to the rest of the main event at the end of this show.
This match was a doozy, as it was a battle of OLE! vs. BAH! in a match to crown the first ever Oceanic Champion. This was a three round match, with Murray starting out strong winning the first round, but falling to Linchy in the last two. I guess being superior doesn't mean you're invincible. Oh, what? Murray's kicking me out of Blitzkrieg? Heh heh, uh, I was just kidding man, really. Despite losing, however, Murray will go on to be in the main event as well for the World Title, which makes the match that much better. After the match, Mark Kelley ran out and slammed Linchy with a chair, setting up the match where The Maniac will try to take the newly won Oceanic belt from El Linchador. I feel it important to mention that last week, I beat El Linchador in a non-title match.
This match was probably the biggest upset of the night. I had this match won, damnit, but somehow Tommy got there and burned me, literally and figuratively. I'm still looking for the A-hole that let Crimson out of that locker, but I suppose it doesn't really matter anymore. Like many people, I lost my match but am going on to bigger and better things, so the Hardcore Title loss ain't that big of a deal. Anyway, Sinful Nature III marks the return PPV of Triple M, and he faces Tommy Crimson for the World Hardcore Title.
Now, I feel I must make a note of this segment, because it set up my match with Josh Allen for the number one contendership to the World Title. I think you all know what happened, so I'm not going into detail, but I believe TGO and Murray took care of Josh for me at Wednesday Night Massacre. How will Josh getting burned affect our match? Negatively for him, I hope, but only time will tell, so stay tuned to OCW Television for all the latest details.
Early in the night, Bifford made this match the first match of the night, which nobody got, but in the end Biff made himself the World and International Champion. Later on, however, a returning Dean over-ruled Biff's decision and stripped Bifford of the titles, and made a rematch in what was the true main-event of the show. However I don't think it was a question in anyone's mind as to who was gonna win this match, so when Titan 3 won, we were all blown away. However, there is a rule that you can only have 1 title at a time, so Biff gave the International Title to Scott Masters. After the match Bifford revealed that Goldie was the new teacher's pet, so he would get a world title shot. Despite losing, Goldie did such a good job that he was given a spot in the main event for the World Championship at Sinful Nature III. That means that headlining this years Sinful Nature will be a Fatal Fourway match for the World title, with TGO vs. Andy Murray vs. Titan 3 vs. Goldie. How will the top two Blitzkrieg members handle facing each other? Are Titan 3 and Goldie out of luck because their opponents are on a team? Will Goldie be able to pull off a huge upset? Who will I be facing for the World Title?? You must order the PPV to see, my friends, and I guarantee it will be money well spent.
Freak Speaks
Yes it is I, thou's hero and savior, that has traveled out of retirement to become a featured writer for the OCW magazine! Now when first approached with this, I thought to myself, "Silverfreak, you totally awesome guy you.. why would you want to spend your free time doing free-lance writing for OCW?" The answer is simple, so I may spread my knowledge and truth to a whole new generation of superstars! It's only fair to share my knowledge now.. so maybe I can save a few new guys the blood, sweat, and tears I had to go through. Now first things first I figured I needed to speak about something I know a lot about. Midgets? No. Personal hygiene? Come on now.. I'm going to talk about something near and dear to my heart, the hardcore title.
Now the hardcore title has a long and glorious history, even longer and more glorious than my own. In the golden olden days, the names Scorpion, Tah Murder and Slim Shady were what made the hardcore division so damn hardcore in the first place. You could call these men the founding fathers of OCW "hardcore-ism". They set the standards that we're broken again and again though by future superstars. They set the mood for barbed wire, hell in a cell, and any other kind of extreme battle you could think of! Without these men, there wouldn't be an OCW hardcore division.. but overtime, people grew old, injuries got worse and replacements came in to dethrone this generation of the hardcore athlete.
The next hardcore era would be the time I fondly like to remember as the "freaky days" of the OCW hardcore division in where I didn't capture the title once.. no, no, no, nor twice. I was the three time Hardcore champion by things had been said and done. Guys like JD Tyson, Triple P, Justin Sane, and a returning Scorpion made competition tough.. but hey, lets face it, I was one of the men who also made the hardcore title one of the most sought for titles in the federation. Then you can't forget about my protege` and buddy Homeboy, he too captured the Hardcore title three times.. but lets just remember who did it first.
As time has come and gone, a lot of men in the federation have made their name on being hardcore, on taking it to the next level when it comes to competition. Many other men that I have not yet mentioned like Goldie, The Frost, Scott Syren, and D Double D made the hardcore division as tough as it gets. In some aspects and in some eras, it was the "working man's" World title. That was until we get to present times...
Now the Hardcore title has been brought down to a new low... held with about as much respect as a roll of used toilet paper. Why's that? Well, it's because Tommy Crimson has somehow gotten lucky enough to actually get some gold. The sight of Tommy Crimson with his hands on the Hardcore title is enough to make anybody lose their lunch, because the entire world knows that he's about as charismatic as a wet, stinking, green sweat sock. The name Tommy Crimson and the word respect don't even belong in the same sentence. It's a dark dark day for the legends that made that title great indeed.
So why talk about it now? Well I'm calling out to the Eliminators and the Del-Nortes out there to step up to the plate and bring some dignity back to that title. It's history is colorful and would bring a tear to any man's eye.. and seeing it around the scrawny little waist of Crimson makes me sick. So, my message for those hardcore hopefuls to make an old retired guy's dream come true? Take that belt back, and up to the level where it belongs. Well, that's my word.. and you know why? Because I'm the one and only freak of professional wrestling! That's why!
June 14, 2002
So these two guys go into this bar ... What? You don't like dumb jokes? Hm, okay, well, welcome to the first edition of "O" Magazine's Sitting Down With Greatness. Can you tell that TGO came up with the name?
So you might be asking just what will be included in my "SDWG" column which will be in the monthly issue of "O" Magazine. Well, inside will be my own random ... Oh damn! Guys, I just thought of something! Oprah Winfrey's magazine is called "O"! We could be up for a lawsuit! I better check with my attorney.
Is it just me or is the thought of a giant teddy bear being involved in the OCW Internet Championship match at Sinful Nature 3, Celtic War a bit odd? Of course, "odd" may be over-rating it, seeing as we just had a "Goldfish/Baby Turtle" Internet title match. It kinda sucks that Eliminator, rookie of the month for May, has to do stupid stuff to get his name out there. Oh well, so much for "traditional" values of OCW. In with the new, we say!
Is it just me or is The Great One's "sixpack" turning into something that is more along the lines of "bowl full of jelly?" Poor TGO, he's had that weight problem since he was a little boy. Have you seen his high school picture?
As I write this I begin to wonder about my involvement in the six man tag team match on the 15th. On one side of me, I have Sirus Esteban Del-Norte, who is seemingly rising in the rankings. But yet when I think about it, this is the same guy who got mad when I put James Slade in his place, and the same guy who "speared" me on Massacre. Then, on the otherside, we have El Linchador! (Insert fan chant of "OLE!" here...) But all isn't well from what I see. Back in May, I considered El Linchador probably the only guy who I could trust, and the only guy on my side. Saturday night [Saturday Night Main Event, 6/8/02], El Linchador began to bargain with Blitzkreig on joining their stable. Does he have something worked out with Fenix, member of Blitzkreig, who is fighting on the other side of the ring?
By the way, if anyone ever needs some gorillas for any reason at all, feel free to contact me about renting my gorillas. I had to buy them from the zoo in order to use them, so I did just that. And believe me, it was worth the million bucks just to watch Fenix be raped by his own kind! Did anyone else thing that was too good of revenge for Fenix?
Well let me clear up the rumors about my International Championship Match that was scheduled against Scott Masters (c) on the eighth of June (SNME). No, the match did not take place before the show went live. When I arrived at the arena I was told that Scott would not be able to make it to SNME. So, Bifford said to stop by his office and he'd give me something better. NO YOU SICKOS! He gave me a contendorship match against Fenix for the 23rd at Celtic War! I was like ... WOW! ... However, I apologize to the Allen fans who were waiting for me to take that Internationalchampionship. I was ready too.
I urge everyone to buy OCW Sinful Nature 3 (Celtic War) on the 23rd. If nothing else, stop in and watch me kick the crap out of Fenix so that I can move up towards the ultimate goal in OCW. I can tell you one thing, I'll be watching the main event like crazy to see who I'll be facing!
Thanks for reading, Keep it real! - Josh Allen
Josh Allen can be seen on OCW TV June 15th and June 23rd, 2002.
Greetings, Greetings to the first ever "O" Magazine column "The Other Side" by me, the Rumor Man! You see me daily on my update, but now you get more fun things from me in the monthly OCW Magazine. In the first issue, I'm not going to bore you with all my rumors and such, because I do that daily. So today, we are going to hear different opinions from different OCW stars.
When asked "Which OCW wrestler has the best personality?", I received the following answers:
Eliminator said, "Linchy.
World Champion Titan 3 said, "It's a tie between Linchy and Josh Allen."
"Outcast," Joshua Curtis said……
Former employee Kannon said, "I really don't know these days."
Next, I sat down with May's Rookie of the month and current Internet Champion, Eliminator, to discuss some things.
Rumor Man: What do you think about the Internet title match stipulations Biff puts out?
Eliminator: I hate them. I really do.
Rumor Man: Why do you hate them?
Eliminator: I hate them because this is supposed to be wrestling, not some freak show.
Rumor Man: Very true. Do these stipulations ever "throw you off" in your matches?
Eliminator: I do what I have to do, even though it humiliates me having to partake in these silly matches in front of a large crowd.
Rumor Man: That's the true sign of a champion! Well here lately you are showing that you can and will be a future star in OCW. Do you have any major plans for the upcoming months that involve something bigger than the Internet division?
Eliminator: I never thought about it much, but I want to go one step up the ladder by going after the TV Title, however, Jake Navaja isn't exactly a pushover, so I will have to ramp it up to beat him.
Rumor Man: Thank you so much for your time Eliminator, good luck in your Pay Per View Match.
Eliminator and Titan 3 can be seen on OCW TV June 23rd, 2002.
Ahhh … Take a deep breathe in … Smell that? It’s a little something called greatness, peasant!
So welcome to the shining light of the OCW magazine, welcome to MY section! That’s right peasants, peons and plebs alike, welcome to the official section of Andy Murray, all-round great guy and genius extraordinaire! Yes peasants, it is time for the greatest of them all, to start writing his own piece of genius, and inject a little bit of enlightenment into your lives! Welcome to Murray-Vision!
This week, I have been asked by the OCW staff members, to speak about a very special little peon … Titan 3. About 8 months ago, back in the day when I had just left that plebulated group, The LoP, I came across the queer individual known as Titan 3 … In-fact, him and those LoP log jammers decided that they had the nerve to attack ME! BAH~! But anyway … I watched one deeply average bald superstar, show lots of promise, whilst reaching new levels of jobberdome in OCW. Put it this way, if you ever wanted a win, you’d give Titan 3 a call.
But then, something queer happened … Titan 3 won a match, and in the month of January, he put on a pretty good showing in the Apocalypse Now 2 battle royal main event … Which, may I remind you, I won, showing that I am indeed superior to Titan 3 in all areas. Anyway, from there one, Jobber 3 rose up the ranks, he captured the deeply-average United States title, which I might add should have been called the Scotland Title, in a big gay tournament type thing. And then, one day, he jobbed to ANDY MURRAY! ANDY MURRAY I SAY~! Yes, that’s right, If you do remember, I hold a victory over the pathetic peasant known as Titan 3, but that is another story.
After the high point of his career, in facing me, Titan went on back to the lower levels of Jobberdome in the OCW, competing against the likes of El Linchador, but then, one day, the world died.
Titan 3 won the World Championship.
Now just how in the hell HE ever became OUR World Champion is beyond me, but bear in mind, Kreller Masters isn’t exactly the greatest champ of all time … At the time, anyone could beat Kreller. But do not fear peasants, for at The Celtic War, in SCOTLAND, Titan 3 SHALL become a victim to the Celtic Crossface, and dignity will be restored to the World title, as me, The Superior Scot, DESTROYS Titan 3.
Thus concludes the tale of Titan.
What the fuck happened to all the rookies in OCW? Not that I’m complaining of course, but last month, the rookie roster seemed to be teaming with life, and who have we got left? Jason Stone comes to mind, as well as a few other plebs that aren’t even worth mentioning. BAH~! Rookies suck.
Speaking of rookies, the big-thing thin OCW today seems to be the mystery surrounding the death of Oratonic, or Orangetonic as I like to refer to him as. But really, what the HELL is the big fuss all about!? Orangetonic SUCKS! But who do I think killed him? Well, it certainly wasn’t me! Us Superior Scots would NEVER KILL a man! Was it TGO? Nah, I don’t think so, why would Trevor want to kill a jobber like Orangetonic? Josh Allen? I wouldn’t bet against it. Fenix? I think not. Titan 3? Don’t make me laugh … I know who killed Orangetonic …
IT WAS GOLDIE! I mean, the Gap-Toothed Gypsy is OBVIOUSLY gagging for exposure at the moment, due to his high level of suckingness, and what better way to achieve this than to kill some jobber? And I wouldn’t bet against Bifford having any involvement in it either. Ahh, don’t worry Goldie, you wont be the one doing the killing at The Celtic War, let me assure you.
While we’re on the subject of The Celtic War, what would be better than MY superior run-down on the PPV? Well plebs, your wish is granted …
OCW Internet Title Match
Eliminator (c) vs Jason Stone vs Tiger Sid WHAT the HELL is this match all about!? MULES!?! BAH~! Tiger Sid is like Phonics Monkey taken to the extreme and Eliminator is just f^cking dumb, so therefore, I pick my superior sidekick, Jason Stone for victory, and a long and happy title reign.
OCW Non-World Title Contendership Match
Kreller Masters vs Outcast At this point, I shall be purchasing pop-corn backstage, so, errr … Some jobber will win.
OCW Television Title Contendership Match
Gambler Greg vs Jin Royale Gambling is cool, and Jin Royale sounds like a Star Trek reject. GG wins, even though he blows.
Handicap Match
Flog The Foreigner vs Cash Money, Roz Blayze & Malice HUH!? Flog The Foreigner? Great, now OCW is even employing foreigners! Bugger that! Anyway, this Floggy fellow shall be crushed by Crap Monkey, Roz “Izz Gona Kik Yoor Azz” Blayze, and Malice, who just can’t wrestle for peanuts.
OCW Lightweight Title Match
Pete Parker (c) vs Sirus Estewhatthefuck Stupid, stupid, stupid … Bifford may as well cancel the whole show the way things are shaping up! A Porno Peasant, against a friend of Josh Allen, talk about sleep enducing! I predict Pete Parker shall beat that foreign dude with the gay name, and will continue his run with the Jobberweight Title!
OCW Oceanic Title Match
El Linchador (c) vs Mark Kelley F^ck off.
OCW International Title Match
Scott Masters (c) vs House Of Pain vs Jake Navaja PEASANTS GALORE! Scott “D-Von” Masters truly does suck, and HOP is one of those weird goth-types, therefore Jake Navaja shall win, after hitting Masters with the “WWE Gimmick Infringement Policy ‘O DOOM~!”
OCW World Title Contendership Match
Fenix vs Josh Allen Well, it looks like after my world title win later on in the night, I shall have to face one of these two. First, we have Fenix, a man of talent, charisma, and skill, and then we have Allen, a man of patheticism, homosexuality and boredom! I thoroughly expect Fenix to beat Allen, and if he doesn’t, Im’a slap him.
OCW Hardcore Title Match
Tommy Crimson (c) vs Triple M Triple M? He hasn’t got it in him anymore, and Tommy Crimson is pathetic. Therefore, nobody will win, but instead Crash Holly will run down, and take advantage of the unofficial 24/7 rule, pinning Tommy.
MAIN EVENT! BOOYAH!
OCW World Title Match
Titan 3 (c) vs TGO vs Andy Murray vs Goldie
HAHA! FINALLY MURRAY HAS COME HOME … TO SCOTLAND! BOOYAH! Ahem … Yes, Titan 3 is going down! I’ve beaten Trevor before, and I’ve beaten Goldie so many times that I have lost track, so therefore, your NEW OCW WORLD CHAMPION, AND SUPERIOR SCOT, ANDY MURRAY!
- Yes people, McNugget Strikes Back filming HAS started and would be completed if not for conflicts between certain actors and myself.
- El Linchador in Blitzkrieg? F^ck that, consider me
through with Blitzkrieg if El Linchador is even considered for a spot!
- Is it just me or do Roz, Tiger Sid and Tommy Crimson need to go spend some extra time in the English class?
- JOSH ALLEN JOBBED TO SCOOT TIME! SCOOT TIME I SAY~!
- And finally, just where the hell did Homeboy bugger off to? I was told he went back to his old profession of sheep-shearing, but that’s just a rumour.
So there we are peasants, my first column is over! I know, it may be hard to keep those tears back, but bear with me, for I Shall return soon, with a NEW piece of genius for your reading pleasure.
Ciao
- Andy Murray