LIVE! Monday, July 30th 2018
From the USS Theodore Roosevelt Aircraft Carrier
Located in the Pacific Ocean near San Diego, California
~It’s a cold open. We spot an elderly man seated on the back porch of a sea side shanty. A giant fish sits in his lap, atop various pages of newspaper. The man is holding a knife. A pipe dangles from his mouth. He pauses and looks at the camera~
Old Man: Oh, sorry about that – you all caught me talking to myself. It happens with old age. I’m so glad you all could make it out here to visit with this old timer before tonight’s event. I was hoping to bestow some words of wisdom.
~The Old Man pauses, thinking. Some words seem to formulate in his mind~
~He laughs, shaking his old, wrinkly, barren head~
Old Man: The days do seem to drag. I feel as though I’ve been waiting forever for this show to begin – a show I’ve looked forward to for a long, long time. It’s been three years since I initially pitched the idea to OCW. And, finally, they’ve pulled the trigger. And I can’t think of a better headline match for this long awaited event than Matt Meyhu defending his OCW Title against Curt Canon and Mack O’Connor.
~The Old Man tries carving a slit down the belly of his fish. He’s struggling. He pauses before things get messy. Once again, he looks up into the sky~
~The Old Man smiles, enjoying his words of wisdom. He takes the knife and begins working on the fish some more~
Old Man: It’s true, you know? Perception influences reality. Canon, O’Connor and Meyhu are merely men, flesh and blood – just like this fish in my lap. Yet their behavior has brought them to a spot few ever reach. They are seen as legends and tonight one will emerge because they believe that spot is theirs more than the others.
~The Old Man continues to struggle with the fish. He starts to grow frustrated but…he calms down. He’s old and wise. He knows the danger of losing one’s temper. Again, he looks up, into the sky~
~The Old Man smiles once more and goes back to butchering the fish in front of him. We’re beginning to wonder if he’s ever gutted a fish before~
Old Man: Alice Knight and Bradley Carrington for the OCW Oceanic Championship. Two competitors who have held gold in the past…yet, tonight, they are beltless. They mustn’t let their naked waists deter them from what is within reach. Tonight one will reclaim ancient gold and ascend to even greater heights in the very near future.
~He struggles with his knife, trying to carve it through the dead fish. It must be stuck on a bone. He says ‘to hell with it’ and yanks the knife as hard as he can. It flies over his head, landing into the ocean behind him, near some young men in a kayak, just kind of hanging out, enjoying the cool water and fresh breeze. The unexpected splash snares their attention. The Old Man releases a sigh of frustration before looking up again~
~He takes the fish and tosses it over his shoulder. ‘What a waste’, we think. He smiles, staring back into the camera~
Old Man: A person has to admire the grit and determination radiating through the bodies of Josie Barnes and Muffles the Bunny. Two individuals who suffered crushing setbacks in Nebraska during The Greatest Show on Earth. Most people would have given up, called it quits. But not these two – they seek redemption this evening in a Craze Title match against Ed Houston. They are far from defeated.
~The young men coast up, near his deck~
Young Man: Aye, Old Man? You okay up there?
~The Old Man does his best to hide his obvious agitation~
Old Man: I’m fine.
Young Man: You sure? Sounded like you’re talking to yourself and, I mean, a knife or something did come flying from your porch.
Old Man: I said I’m fine.
~The Young Man shrugs, his pals do the same. But they linger, listening in. The Old Man looks upward for more words of wisdom~
~The Old Man chuckles. The young men behind him look around, confused. The talker of the group seems to have caught on to something~
Old Man: Ah, Mike Zybala. OCW’s unpredictable commissioner. He doesn’t have the power his position should afford but he is certainly wily. Will he be wily enough to handle OCW’s most gritty competitor – Bob Grenier? That is…
Young Man: Yo, Old Man!
~The Old Man is really beginning to lose his composure~
Old Man: Don’t you guys have somewhere to be, somewhere to go? I’m kind of busy here.
Young Man: Not really…but I couldn’t help but overhear what you said. Are you quoting Old Man and the Sea?
~The Old Man suddenly grows very nervous. He starts to fidget in his seat~
Old Man: Uh, NO
Young Man: Haha, yea you were, I just finished studying that book. I thought it was kinda boring, ya know? But I guess it stuck with me.
Old Man: Young man, I am very wise. I am merely speaking my thoughts aloud…thoughts built upon years of experience. This is supposed to be a very deep and inspirational moment and you are ruining it!
~The Young Man hops out of the kayak and climbs up onto the Old Man’s porch. He’s standing on the outside with his feet in between two beams. The railing comes up to his belly button. He leans over and spots the camera, smiling. He then looks up, exactly in the exact same spot the Old Man has continuously sought his words of wisdom~
~The Young Man laughs while the Old Man buries his face in his hands~
Young Man: Haha oh man that’s a good one! Would have really played well into whatever bit you were doing. Clever putting a screen up there with the quotes from the book. They never would have figured it out.
~The Young Man hops over the railing, entering the Old Man’s porch. His other two friends follow suit. The Old Man stands up, angry over their physical intrusion~
Old Man: You are TRESPASSING on Private Property! All three of you…please leave or I will be forced to call the police.
~The Young Man leans in, his nose nearly touches the lens~
Young Man: Sweet camera, man. What are ya filming? A youtube show? Something for one of those do it yourself networks? I can show you how to clean a fish, you know.
Old Man: None of your concern, now, please, I demand that you…
Young Man: WHOA
~The Young Man sees something behind the camera~
Young Man: OCW?! No fuckin way, man! You’re filming something for OCW? Shit, that show is tonight, isn’t it? Fuck yea, man!
~His buddies all get excited. The Old Man tries to talk over them~
Old Man: Yes, in fact, it is. I’m sure if you hopped back into your kayak you could probably reach the Aircraft Carrier before the show begins.
Young Man: Ah dude that’s right! It’s on the ocean! Ahhh man, remember that time when Scott Syren tried to feed Kenchin Dickamura’s head to that whale? Ahh bro that was soo cool!
~His friends are like ‘that was the coolest!’~
Young Man: And then that other time when that Gavin Reed dickhead got his legs cut and was dragged atop the ocean in Hawaii? What was that event called?
Old Man: Clash at the Coast
Young Man: Yea! That’s the one! Fuckin LOVE It when OCW does some shit on the water, bro. It’s always the SHIT
~The young men start to get fired up. They push each other around, acting like wild, wrestling fans. The Old Man somehow gets mixed up in the pushing~
Young Man: And THEN that WICKED thunderstorm that hit during that cage match with The racist guy from Tennessee, the pothead from Canada and SCOTT FUCKING SYREN…aahhh man that was soo cool!
Old Man: Could you guys please stop pushing me…it’s starting to hurt!
Young Man: Oh man! And then last year…haha…last year when Mack O’Connor dumped that CJ guy into the water off that cruise ship! Holy shit man, that was so gnarly…but he like came back and puked everywhere, right? Ahh man I love these water shows!
~The Old Man gets shoved against his porch railing. The young guys are hopping around, throwing their arms here and there, acting maniacal~
Young Man: And Max Shade was all like BAM and WHAM
~To illustrate what Max Shade was ‘like’ the Young Man throws an elbow and a clothesline…he knocks the Old Man over the porch railing and into the ocean~
Young Man: And he totally fucked up that Dave Simmons dude. So cool man, so cool….hey, where’d the old dude go?
~The Old Man is nowhere to be found. The Young Man shrugs~
Young Man: Must have been nap time or something, I dunno. See if the bro’s got some beer.
~One of the young men run into the old man’s house. He emerges with a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon~
Young Man: Ah shit, that’ll work. Crack one open, bro! Let’s party!
~Noise from a TV hanging in the corner of the porch grabs their attention. They look up and the OCW logo is displayed. The Young Man’s eyes widen…he spits out some beer~
Young Man: NO WAY! He’s ordered the Pay Per View! Well fuck this, boyos…let’s sit down and chill and watch this shit! Who’s going into the ocean? Five bucks says it’s that rabbit fucker
~They make their wagers as we cut away and into the live feed of Lost at Sea. A shot of Mike Zybala is shown. He’s standing at the end of a pier with a boat floating in front of him. He looks out over the Pacific Blue horizon~
Mike Zybala: Alright troops…funding ran a little low after securing an entire Aircraft Carrier for tonight’s show so…we’re going to have to row to the event. That’s okay, though…we’ve got this!
~One by one we see many of the OCW favorites pile into the boat. Josie Barnes, Muffles the Bunny, Ed Houston, Curt Canon, Julliet Brooks, Alice Knight, Hellraven, Heidi, Harold Jones, and Amelia Emery. Zybala stands at the bow~
Mike Zybala: And away we go!!
~We zoom way out. We fly across the open ocean until we settle over a huge, enormous aircraft carrier. A caption at the bottom of the screen reads The USS Theodore Roosevelt. OCW crew members are scurrying around, setting everything up for the show. In the distance we hear the confident, loud voice of Zybala yelling~
Mike Zybala: C’mon! We’re almost there!! Let’s go!!
~Quickly, our view cuts to the front of the carrier where the suddenly very small looking boat rests. There is a rope ladder dangling in front of them. The assortment of OCW wrestlers appear exhausted. Zybala hops onto the rope ladder and starts to climb. One by one the other wrestlers follow.~
Mike Zybala: This is going to be great! That wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought…only took us half the day.
~They’ve now all reached the surface of the carrier. They collapse and lay out, chests heaving with exhaustion. They are covered in sweat, salt water, and fatigue. Zybala shakes hands with several of the OCW crew members~
Mike Zybala: I see Welsh’s boat has yet to arrive. Just as I thought…we got here first!
~The sound of an incoming chopper fills the sky. Zybala turns around, smiling – he loves looking at helicopters. This one is INCOMING~
Mike Zybala: Uh oh, everyone, out of the way!
~One by one the exhausted OCW talent moves, giving the chopper room to land. Their hair flies around from the heavily manipulated wind. Their clothes start to dry off. The chopper hits the top of the carrier and the door opens. Zybala, currently smiling, starts to frown~
Mike Zybala: Hey! What is THIS?!
~A very dapper, clean, composed MARCUS WELSH emerges from within the chopper. Behind him step out Mack O’Connor, Roach, Bradley Carrington, and Tony Savage. They are all smiling, taking in the air, commenting on how awe inspiring the venue is. Meanwhile the portion of the roster that had to row is FURIOUS. They struggle to their feet, pointing and yelling. Zybala demands to know what the deal is~
Marcus Welsh: What? Oh, you didn’t hear? Accounting error…turns out we had more money than we thought and, well, since you guys had already taken off I decided to use it on the portion of the roster left behind.
Mike Zybala: Looks like you forgot someone, Welsh.
Curt Canon: I wasn’t going to say anything but, if he doesn’t make it in time I’m the champ, right?
Mack O’Connor: Fuckin hell. Somebody shut this guy up.
~A loud BURST of rocket fuel being burnt up is heard. Everybody turns to see a badass, top of the line fighter jet heading their way. The landing gear drops. The jet hits the runway and is headed straight for everyone. The OCW roster stands, anxious. The jet stops a few tenuous feet from ruining the entire promotion. The window pops up and we see THE MARVEL emerge. He hops down and lands next to Canon. He pats Curt on the shoulder~
Matt Meyhu: Keep dreaming, kid.
~Meyhu heads toward the facility with his gym bag slung over his shoulder. The rest of the roster follows his lead. O’Connor remains, looking at Welsh, furious~
Marcus Welsh: Don’t say it, Mack. I don’t want any part of that man on my show…don’t say it…don’t…
Mack O’Connor: Weak Ass Booking.
~Mack turns around and heads inside to prepare for the evening. This leaves just Welsh and Zybala~
Mike Zybala: Buffett will hear about this, Welsh
Marcus Welsh: Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on what kind of shape you’re in once Bob’s finished.
~ Welsh rubs Mike’s head like an adult would a young toddler. He turns to leave~
Mike Zybala: Oh, Welsh…
~Welsh turns around and EATS a SUPERKICK from Zybala!!! The entire scene swirls away like water down a drain. The Lost at Sea poster swirls into view…it fades out and we are shown the same scene, only hours later. Stands surround the landing strip, they are filled with OCW fans! There is a ring in the middle, atop a portion of the strip. We pan around and spot a fucking ring floating atop the ocean, several hundred feet from the carrier. A ‘donut’ if you will, of floating stands float around the ring, with it placed right in the middle. There is a circular, metal platform around the ring…giving the wrestlers room to fall out of the ring without hitting the ocean. There, is however, another gap between the platform and the fans…this gap is comprised of the ocean’s surface…so, if you go too far, you will fall in. Each section of fans, both on the carrier and atop the ocean, features a giant flat screen propped several feet atop the highest row of fans so everyone in attendance can watch the action no matter where it’s taking place. The fans on the ocean…the fans atop the carrier…they all chant “OCW! OCW! OCW!” We cut to Hood and Smith who are atop the aircraft carrier, seated at an announce table far away from the ring. Smith is dressed in a suit whereas Hood has board shorts and a tank top on. They both appear to be in good spirits~
Smith: Hello everyone and welcome to Lost at Sea! My goodness…it took a long time to get here…but here we are
Hood: No shit…I figured this show was gonna get scrapped after awhile. So many issues
Smith: Indeed…this was the show we thought would never happen. The show that features more twists and turns than a pretzel. But…we persevered and here we are with a standout card!
Hood: Well, yea…I mean if you remove Alice, Zybala, Uber and…well, I guess that’s basically it. You remove those fuckers and you have a TREMENDOUS lineup
Smith: Those are three of our best draws!
Hood: Yea, if you're looking to draw flies!
Smith: Great one, Hood. Outstanding. Well folks...we're out here...the sun is shining...the oceanic breeze is invigorating...let's get this show on the road!
Hood: Yea, quickly before anybody else drops out!
Smith: Haha, indeed. We've got the grudge match between Melinda Rhodes and Julliet Brooks set to start things off...and I for one cannot wait for that one...
~The loud whooshing thuds of a civilian Blackhawk helicopter grow louder on the rear deck of the USS Theodore Roosevelt as a civilian Blackhawk helicopter approaches the helipad. The crowd at the front of the ship of the carrier immediately begin to cheer and scream as the door pops open and out steps The Rebel, Melinda Rhodes, with a duffel bag on her shoulder and wearing a fringed black leather jacket with matching leather pants, motorcycle boots, a Broken Star T-shirt, chrome aviator shades, fingerless black gloves, and her wide black leather belt with her famous "REBEL" belt buckle. The crowd pops as she shows up on the massive OCW Tron screen showing them every detail of her arrival.~
Smith: Rebel Rhodes has arrived and tonight she's set to face Julliet Brooks in a Hardcore anywhere falls match up where ANYTHING could happen!
Hood: They are gonna' paint the deck plates top to bottom red with their blood, Smith!
Smith: That could very well be. This feud started with disrespectful words answered with one of the hardest slaps I've ever seen a woman deliver to another in my wrestling career. It has since escalated to chair assaults from behind, deception, hard hitting moves, and even a brutal tasering.
~Melinda steps down the open hatchway and even jogs a bit down the stairs.~
Hood: She's proven that even with two losses to the great Bob Grenier, that you can make an impression, even shelving him from a contendership in brutal fashion that cost her a win. Still say Scruff was bought that night!
Smith: Could've been, but it's hard to say. The Rebel has had to overcome alot, including a main event match featuring two out of three of the brightest newcomers to set foot in a wrestling ring, and Jam G.
Hood: Two prolific losses would drive a lesser woman away, but not Rebs. Her match should be coming up shortly....
~On the screen the crowd watches as suddenly the Rebel turns in time to try and block a shot from an oncoming Julliet Brooks. The two proceed to brawl right then and there in the long corridor leading to the crew quarters. Fists and chops fly with furious intensity until Julliet rakes her fingernails across Melinda's eyes, blinding her. The Rebel stumbles back with a growl of pain, clutching at her face briefly.~
Hood: Nastay eye rake there!
Smith: JULLIET BROOKS TRYING TO GET THE ADVANTAGE ON RHODES BEFORE THE SHOW EVEN GETS FULLY UNDERWAY!!!
Hood: Smart strategy, take your opponent out before the bell rings and then get paid just for showing up!
~As the Rebel swings out with a blind backhand, Julliet catches her by the back of the hand and uses the unbalanced Rhodes' forward momentum to add even greater impact as she savagely slams her victim's head straight into the nearest bulkhead with a lead *PANKT* that has the crowd watching on the flight deck wince audibly. The Rebel is staggered, blood flowing from her hair line and Julliet, seeing her wobbly foe not go down, grabs her and slings her even harder than before into that solid steel bulkhead and that time, Melinda Rhodes drops to the deck grating in a heap, blood now flowing freely from that same spot in her hairline that was now a noticeable gash. We can hear it start to drip on solid floor beneath very softly.~
Brooks: STUPID BITCH! Look what you made me do. I told you not to show up, I told you not to fuck with me!
~She spits down at the Rebel and then heads in the opposite direction. We cut immediately back to the commentary table where Smith and Hood both look to be in shock!~
Smith: Get the EMT's down there! Wrestler down and bleeding badly!
Hood: I kinda' like the new Julie Books. She's vicious and brutal as hell!
~Suddenly Smith dips forward, listening to his headset for a moment and nodding his head.~
Smith: Ok, EMTs have taken her to the ship sick bay and are patching her up. Medivac is going to take an hour to get here to pick the Rebel up. We can only hope she can hold out until that time. For the time being, we'll give you updates throughout the show!
Hood: Yeah that piece of metal looked thick with alotta' sharp spots. Rebs could have a contusion!
Smith: That metal piece is a Bulkhead, designed as a structural hard point and one of the hardest pieces of metal on the entire ship. A human skull is nothing next to that!
Hood: Well the show must go on and Julliet Brooks just borked our opening match!
Smith: Right, that's the other update. With Melinda Rhodes listed in critical condition right now, our opening bout has been changed to Alice Knight versus Bradley Carrington in an Anchor Match for the Oceanic Championship!
Hood: Alice OPENING the show…puke
Smith: I’m worried about her sea sickness as well, Hood.
Hood: It’s a shame sea sickness isn’t 100% fatal
Smith: How dare you! Anyway…while Alice and Bradley get ready…let’s cut to some footage from earlier today feature Tony the Spider and Uber Man
Hood: Oh my gosh!
~A video clip opens with Tony the Spider and the Uberman in 10’ foot long row boat hauling a cargo raft stacked with black trash bags with #OwlisNight stickers branded on them. Tony looks nauseated and queasy (obvious signs of seasickness), and Uber is starting to get sunburned (he is shirtless because he used his shirt to wrap around his head in hopes of not getting his head burned) . The camera zooms out slowly to show that the boat is in the middle of nowhere, these guys are literally lost at sea. ~
Uber: (looks at his bare shoulders turning bright pink) Tony, I’m ashamed to ask this but did you bring any sun block.
~Tony nods his head before he upchucks into the water. Tony lifts his head up, wipes his mouth and reaches into his fanny pack and pulls out a Purple Sun block and tosses it to Uber. Uber grabs it, then looks at Tony again.~
Uber: Do you mind rubbing this on my back?
Tony: I don’t mind at all.
~Tony scoots over closer to Uberman who turns his back. Tony grabs the sunblock and opens it and starts to rub it on Uber.~
Uber: I’m starting to get hungry Tony. You have any snacks in that fanny pack? I don’t think I can last any longer.
Tony: We’ve only been out her for 30 minutes Uber. You ate the last of my Gushers 10 minutes ago.
Uber: I’m sorry man. I got hungry…
~Tony has finished rubbing Uber down. The purple dye from the sun block didn’t fade during the rub, so now Uber looks like a Giant eggplant with the green shirt on his head. ~
Uber: I think we are going to die out here man. I am so hungry.
Tony: Me too. But we have no more food…..
Uber: (points to the #OwlisNight surprise bags.) What are in those surprise bags Tony? There has to be some food in there..
Tony: (Shakes his head) No. No food. We can’t open those bags until we get on the boat or we will ruin the surprise.
Uber: don’t lie to me Tony. I’m so hungry I could eat a shark.
Tony: A shark will probably eat you, looking like a giant eggplant.
~Uber gets up and reaches out and pulls the Cargo raft in. He grabs a bag and rips it open.~
Uber: I am so Hungry… FUCK!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
~Uber grabs another bag and rips it open, and then another and then another.~
Uber: WHY ARE ALL THESE BAGS FILLED WITH MATT MEYHU ACTION FIGURES? I THOUGHT HE BOUGHT THEM ALL.
Tony: Well technically he did. But that these were placed in before we sold the remaining stock. Why’d you do that man? Now there are thousands of Matt Meyhu action figures floating all over the Pacific Ocean. I told you not to open it.
Uber: i didn’t know what was in there. And why would Meyhu’s action figure be in an Alice Knight surprise bag?
Tony: Hahahahahahaha!
Uber: yeah, okay I get it. Alice Knight is on fire. Nobody likes Meyhu.
Tony: Hahahahahahaha!
Uber: I think I’m going to die. I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to help you with this.
~The sound of a helicopter is heard overhead. Uber looks up and starts to wave his arms~
Uber: HELP!HELP!
~Tony upchucks again. He stands up to wave his arms but tips over and falls off the boat. The Helicopter is a Coast Guard helicopter and it hovers just above Tony and Uber. They drop a ladder down as Uber grabs on and starts to climb up, not even giving Tony a second thought. Tony is flailing his arms in the water but manages to get back on the rowboat. He balances himself and then grabs on to the ladder rung. Tony struggles to lift himself up as the Helicopter takes off slowly, headed towards the ship. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Wow, those two weren’t even good enough to make Zybala’s raft
Hood: What a couple of idiots. Fucking eggplant…get out of my face with that shit
Smith: I’ve been told, since you’re all concerned, that Uber Man’s sunburn is okay and he will be able to ref the match later on this evening
Hood: Well that’s great fucking news…thanks so much…I was sitting here in fear over him missing that match
Smith: I can tell. Well folks…I’m being told...
~"Party Hard" it's the speakers and the fans go nuts. The cheers turn to boos as Marcus Welsh walks out into the ring area atop the carrier. The boors turn BACK into cheers as Mike Zybala walks out behind him. Welsh is looking miserable, though Zybala is smiling from ear to ear~
Smith: This is a strange twist. Both our general manager AND our commissioner are walking out together.
Hood: That's because Mr. Buffett is making Mr. Welsh play nice to that idiot Zybala. Otherwise, the REAL boss wouldn’t be caught dead doing this.
~Welsh and Zybala make their way into the ring and the music stops. Zybala grabs a microphone from Belvedere and Welsh is standing in a corner, sulking~
Zybala: Thank you for that warm welcome everybody! And a special thank you to Marcus for coming out with me and the show of support. Can we give Marcus a round of applause??
~The fans boo as Zybala is the only one clapping. Welsh keeps his arms folded, standing in the corner. Zybala finds humor in Welsh’s pouting~
Zybala: Oh you. Classic Welsh, am I right? Anyways, I am out here with a very special announcement. I have been in talks with our owner Jimmy Buffett these past few weeks and we have come up with an amazing idea! We searched high and low and found an amusement park for sale! So with some of his money, some of O.C.W.'s money, and money from a silent partner, we purchased it! As we speak, a crew is working around the clock to make all the necessary repairs, updates and modifications to the brand new OCW amusement park!!
~The fans cheer, and Welsh, who was kind of nodding off in the corner, snaps to full attention and looks stunned!~
Zybala: That's right fans. While Mr. Buffett is still thinking of a name for the park itself, each ride will be named after a wrestler's nickname like the Marvel or The Spider. Also, every wrestler, and on screen personality must make at least one appearance a month. They of course will be paid for their appearance, and receive a 20% discount on all purchases, such as food and drink. All with the exception of Hood.
Hood: You cheap, biased fuck!
Smith: This is..... Different. But also interesting.
Hood: Interesting nothing! Zybala's stupid is rubbing off on Mr. Buffett!
Zybala: Mr. Hood, not only gets the 20% discount, but every time he goes to the park, he gets a BOGO deal on funnel cakes! I pay attention to what my employees like.
Hood: Hmm
Smith: Are you changing your tune
Hood: I’m just saying, funnel cakes are widely overpriced. It’s a better deal than you may think!
~The fans seem to be behind this idea as Welsh appears to be getting more and more agitated with every word Zybala says.~
Zybala: Furthermore, there will be a special area for adults only called Margaritaville, which is very self-explanatory. That one was my idea and Mr. Buffett loved it. Now here is the big kicker. In the middle of the park, we are building a small arena that will sit roughly around two thousand people, give or take. In the middle of the arena will be a wrestling ring. And that is where our next PPV will be taking place! After putting our heads together, Mr. Buffett and I have decided to call the event Mayhem On The Midway!
~Once again the fans cheer as Welsh's face turns red with anger. He goes to the ropes and demands a microphone of his own and gets one~
Welsh: Stop right there! Where the hell was I when all of these talks were going on?! I am the general manager after all!
Zybala: Whoa! Easy there big guy. Mr. Buffett and I thought you had been working so hard on all the Massacre's and planning tonight's show that we could take a load off you and plan the next supershow. We also decided that at Mayhem On The Midway, the new number one contender will face the OCW champion, whether it's Meyhu or Vargas, in the first ever Nightmare on the Midway match! The rules are very simple. It's just a no rules, falls count anywhere match. However the pinfall can only happen somewhere on the Midway, hence the name. Also, before any pin falls, you MUST put your opponent through at least two tables. Simple enough, right.
Welsh: Well no offense, Zybala. But that idea is just retarded. You don't make the matches, Buffett doesn't make the matches. I make the matches! That's why I'm the general manager! All of this wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for my business acumen and awareness of what the OCW fans want.
~The fans boo as Welsh looks on the verge of snapping. Zybala holds his hands up in a defensive manner~
Zybala: Easy there Marcus. Just breathe, we don't need you passing out. In and out. There you go. In and out. Nice and easy breaths. Can someone run down a bottle of coconut water for him, please?
~Random stage hand runs down to the ring with a bottle of coconut water in hand. Zybala reaches under the ropes and grabs the bottle and walks over to Welsh. He extends the bottle. Welsh slaps it out of his hand, knocking the bottle out of the ring, spilling the coconut water everywhere.~
Zybala: Well, that was rude. I think that was an eight dollar bottle of coconut water. Might have even been a full ten bucks, maybe even a Meyhu $13 special! For a guy who talks about saving money, you sure…
Marcus Welsh: Can you just get to the fucking point? We have a show to run
~Welsh knows displeasing news is on the horizon. Rather than stand around and wonder what’s about to drop, he’s ready to hear it~
Zybala: Good. Look, I know we have our problems. We don't always see eye to eye, and that can lead to some tension between people. I want us to have a nice work relationship built on respect and trust. I want us to bury the hatchet so we can get along. But there are a too many bad feelings between us that we need to get off our chests, and in this business there is only one way to fix that. So, while talking to Mr. Buffett, I suggested an exhibition match between you and I at Mayhem On The Midway!
~The fans go nuts! Welsh lowers his head. It was a piece of news he did not expect~
Welsh: I’m not wrestling you, Mike. Look at me, I’m a businessman, not a wrestler. Not that there’s anything WRONG with being a wrestler, that’s just not my thing. Sure, I know you’d LOVE to get me in the ring…your element, put me to shame, get one up on me, possibly hurt me. You think I’m stupid? You think I’d just waltz right into that obvious trap? Screw you, Mike. Now, I admit, you’ve gotten pretty far with – what brains you’ve been given. Kudos to you, you’re truly making lemonade over there, pal. You managed to swindle a Commissioner position…you’ve somehow managed to earn an OCW Title shot by winning Survivor and now you’ve even talked my boss, one of the wealthiest men in the world into purchasing an amusement park so you can host your ideal PPV event. That’s pretty impressive for a guy with your – talent. But, it stops here. It stops tonight. Bob Grenier is going to end this foolishness, Mike. And when he does, Mayhem on the whatever the fuck will NOT happen. The deal for the amusement park will fall through and your OCW Title shot will be VETOED.
~The fans boo. Zybala looks concerned…the realism of what’s at stake in his match with Bob is hitting him. All this he’s built could be taken away in a matter of moments.~
Smith: Zybala has to win tonight, Hood. If he doesn’t…I’m afraid we may never see him in OCW again.
Hood: Which makes this the most must win match in Grenier’s career.
~Zybaka appears done playing games. A seriousness comes over him, replacing his typically carefree attitude. He gets out of the ring and slowly walks to the back as the fans boo the ‘bully’ Welsh. Zybala exits the ring area…he pauses…a ‘ZYBALA’ chant rings out. Mike stands still for a moment, taking it in..~
Welsh: Yea, yea, enjoy it Zybala. Because, if you lose to Bob, it’s all over. Your ideas, your career, everything!
~Zybala looks at Welsh. He’s still got his mic in hand~
Zybala: That’s fine, Welsh. Do what you want with me if I lose this match tonight against Bob. But you better…you better hope I don’t win.
~The fans cheer as Welsh looks confused.~
Welsh: Whatever, Mike.
Zybala: It didn’t take me long to realize what you were, Welsh. I may not be a ‘businessman’ like you…but I’m smarter than you think. I understood you’d stick the knife in my back the minute you got the chance. That’s why I had a few alterations made to my contract. My contract now states that only Jimmy Buffett himself can fire or suspend me! He also thinks our match is a great idea. So, if I win, you better get some training in, because in five weeks, your ass is mine!
Welsh: My ass is yours? Great one, Bob. Real smart. And great job putting that Commissioner spot on the line with your ‘ironclad’ contract. Real smart.
Zybala: Sure, that may look strange to some…but unlike you, Welsh, I have confidence in my ability. Bob challenged me, I accepted. I’m willing to step into that ring and entertain these fans at all costs – and, yes, the costs are very steep this evening. Now, I ask you, Marcus. Should I win…should I retain my amended, ironclad contract…next month, at Mayhem on the Midway…would you be willing to do the same?
~Zybala tosses the mic into the crowd and heads off.~
Fan: HOLY SHIT I’VE GOT A LIVE MIC!
~Welsh motions for the back to cut the mic. They do. An anxious Welsh drops his mic in the ring and leaves, no doubt hoping Zybala fails in his match against Grenier.
Smith: The stakes have never been higher tonight in Bob’s match against Zybala. If Grenier defeats Zybala then GM Marcus Welsh will be unstoppable.
Hood: Aka a wrestling utopia!
Smith: However, if Zybala wins tonight…he’s virtually untouchable… a permanent thorn in Welsh’s side.
Hood: Aka hell on earth!
Smith: And UBER man is calling the match
Hood: An idiot holding the potential fate of our company in his hands…CLASSIC OCW, BABY
Smith: Whew…we’ve just started and things are already on a massive tilt. No worries…we’re about to stabilize. I’m told Alice and Bradley are ready! Let’s head to the oceanic ring area!
Hood: Die Alice die!
Anchor Match
Alice Knight (11-2) vs. “The Professor” Bradley Carrington (10-4)
~The cameras cut to the Oceanic Ring Area! The horseshoe of floating stands surrounding the ring, filled with fans goes wild! We see Gruff inside the ring with the Oceanic Title in his hands…it’s old, dilapidated but, hey, it’s CLASSIC OCW! We hear Belvedere’s voice over the loud speakers strategically placed all around the area for maximum volume efficiency~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the Oceanic Championship Match!! This will be an Anchor Match! The Oceanic Championship will be hooked to a chain and tossed into the ocean…the first participant to pull the belt out of the water, unhook it and return, with it in their possession, inside the ring will be declared the winner and the NEW OCW Oceanic Champion!
~ "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived" by Weezer hits! We hear the motor of a tiny boat fire up in the distance. Bradley Carrington comes into view, being driven toward the ring by an OCW employee. He holds his book high in the air! The crowd boos…several chant “JULLIET!” at him. Carrington ignores the chants, basking in his own glory~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Ithaca, New York…standing 6 feet tall and weighing in at 205lbs…“The Professor” Bradley Carrington!!!
~Carrington steps off the tiny boat and onto the steel, circular platform that surrounds the outside of the ring. He heads toward the apron and rolls inside the ring…he pops to his feet and holds the book high yelling “YOU COULD ALL LEARN SOME VALUABLE LESSONS FROM THIS BOOK!” The fans chant back “FUCK YOUR BOOK! FUCK YOUR BOOK!” Carrington scoffs, “Cursing is for the weak minded.”~
Belvedere: And…his opponent!
~The crowd goes wild knowing who is up next! ”Electrified" by Dressy Bessy blasts throughout the area! The motor of a second boat is barely heard over the crowd’s pandemonium! The boat is CUSTOM MADE (like you’d expect anything less). It’s got the head of an OWL! The sides are OWL WINGS. The fans begin to “HOOT” when they see the boat make its way into the ‘ring area’. It coasts over the water…Alice has something in her hands. The boat reaches the ring area and Alice hops off, onto the metal surface surrounding the ring. She sits on the apron and takes a moment, or three to bounce around to her own entrance theme~
Belvedere: From Bethel, New York….standing 5’8 and weighing in at 125lbs…she is a former OCW Champion and a current OCW Hall of Famer…she is…ALICE KNIGHT!
Smith: THERE SHE IS!
Hood: Of course he SCREAMS her name and not Bradley’s…shit’s fuckin rigged, man
~Alice stops bouncing and pauses for a moment, looking a bit unsteady~
Smith: A little known fact…Alice has been known to suffer from sea sickness
Hood: SERIOUSLY?
Smith: Yes, I would never lie about Alice
Hood: Oh man, this match just became a hell of a lot more interesting
~Alice takes in a deep breath and rolls into the ring. She gets to her feet and says, loudly ‘I’M OKAY…EVERYBODY, I’M OOOOKAY!’ Carrington stands back, observing her behavior. Alice finally reveals what’s in her hands. It’s THE BOOK OF ALICE! It’s illustrated in crayon with a stickfigure on the front we can only ASSUME is Alice. She flips through the pages…the camera zooms in. It’s all handwritten, in crayon…there are very few words. Carrington scoffs, torn between offended and amused in condescended fashion. Gruff groans about having to work out over the water. He steps through the ropes and hooks the title to a chain, dropping it into the ocean…it sinks until the slack in the chain tightens. He rolls back into the ring, gingerly, complaining about his hip. Alice laughs and says ‘OH GRUFF!”~
Smith: Anchor away! The belt is now hanging amidst the deep blue sea!
Hood: What if a shark eats it
Smith: A shark won’t eat it
Hood: Don’t those Jaguar Sharks eat whatever they can fit in their mouths?
Smith: TIGER sharks…and, yes, sometimes
Hood: Good, let’s throw Alice’s WEAK ASS book in there
Smith: HOW DARE YOU
~Gruff yells out “RING THE FUCKING BELL FOR FUCK’S SAKE” and the bell rings! The crowd is WHITE HOT. Carrington looks at Alice with disgust at this point, unable to understand why he has to face such goofy competition. Alice keeps holding her book high in the air. Bradley points at it and laughs, in mocking fashion. A number suddenly blares over the loud speakers followed by the message “CALL THIS NUMBER TO ORDER ALICE’S BOOK! HOOT!” Every fan around the ring starts to dial the number. Carrington stands upright, this catches his attention~
Smith: Jealousy, perhaps?
Hood: Over what? I’d say her thick head of hair but Carrington has GREAT hair! Plus, Alice’s hair is probably filled with ants.
Smith: I think he’s jealous that people are buying her book and not his
Hood: That’s because these fuckers can’t read…notice how they had to ANNOUNCE purchasing instructions?
~Carrington becomes filled with rage. He takes his thick, leather bound novel and charges at Alice. Alice spots Carrington coming...he isn’t hard to miss, not exactly being coy about it. She takes her skinny, hard plastic cover book and holds it up. Their books CLASH! in the center of the ring. The fans are finished ordering and watch the spectacle…it’s Alice’s book pressed against Bradley’s…a true test of strength and, well, some might say intelligence~
Smith: C’mon, Alice! That’s hard plastic, Hood…made to last all types of falls.
Hood: And which audience typically drops their books?
Smith: I don’t know
Hood: CHILDREN…but, shit, they wouldn’t read that book because they’d be too offended. They are too advanced. That book should be used as a door stop for truck stop bathrooms or to help level a table inside a Waffle House…THAT’S IT
~An edge on the corner of Alice’s book starts to scrape across the leathered cover of Carrington’s. He realizes what’s happening and pulls his book away. He looks down, inspecting the damage and finds a slight scratch. Before he can react, Alice ‘thumps’ him on the head with her book. The fans laugh! Alice covers her mouth and does an exaggerated laugh. Carrington’s face turns red…he looks down at the mat. His jaw begins to tighten~
Smith: Haha! She’s something else, isn’t she?
Hood: I can’t argue that…although I think we’re on different wave lengths
Smith: And look how durable that book is! Perfect coffee table material! I think I’m going to buy another one!
Hood: How are you the one with the college degree? You are fucking retarded, man
~Carrington looks up at Alice. She doesn’t notice. She’s too busy snickering and playing to the audience. He springs forward and drops Alice with a clothesline!! Alice hits the mat hard! The crowd stops laughing and starts to BOOO. Carrington takes Alice’s book and he flings it out of the ring, far enough to hit the water. It floats for a moment before starting to sink. The crowd BOOS even louder. Carrington calmly takes his book and sets it up against the bottom buckle in his corner. He stands back, hands on his hips, admiring his leather bound prose~
Smith: BOOO!
Hood: Oh fuck off with your boos
Smith: He didn’t have to do that
Hood: It’s a match, you idiot! For the Oceanic championship which, well, might be a ludicrous concept but it’s still SOMETHING
~While admiring his book, Alice recovers. She sneaks up behind Carrington and rolls him up from behind! Gruff just looks at her~
Smith: Uh, Alice…you can’t pin people in this match
Hood: She’s terrible
~Carrington kicks out. Alice looks at Gruff…Gruff points toward the area with the anchor. Alice goes “oohhh, that’s right!” and she slaps her knee, laughing. Carrington, meanwhile, is back on his feet. He charges at Alice, who is doubled over, laughing…he lifts a knee…but Alice lifts up, dodging it! Carrington’s momentum takes his legs up into the air, causing him to land on his back. Alice hits the ropes…she bounces off and leaps into the air, crashing down atop Carrington with a Senton. The crowd goes wild HOOTING~
Smith: Way to go, Alice! You show that pompous jerk that it takes more than a good education to be successful
Hood: Wow, so that’s our narrative now...be dumb?
Smith: No, I’m just saying the way Carrington flaunts his ego and education is annoying…especially in the face of someone like Alice who comes from meager origins
Hood: So if you were hiring a key position in a company and two people applied…one a bum…the other an Ivy League grad…you’d seriously consider the bum?
Smith: Back to the action!
~Sitting up, Alice eyes Bradley’s book. She crawls toward it and picks it up. She sits with her back to the bottom buckle and opens it up, giving it a read. She squints and scratches her head a bit~
Smith: Just as I thought…pompous drivel
Hood: Or…perhaps she doesn’t understand any word that travels beyond two syllables
~Alice’s eyes suddenly widen. She clutches her stomach and gets to her feet. The crowd becomes concerned. She kneels near the ropes and leans over the second rope, gasping for air. Carrington gets to his feet and takes in the scene~
Smith: Oh no!! She started reading…it’s making her sea sick!
Hood: Why the fuck is she even out here?
Smith: Because she’s a Hall of Famer!
Hood: Yea and so is TGO but you don’t see his arrogant ass out here
Smith: That’s because he’s busy bothering people somewhere else
~Carrington notices the book is missing. He’s appalled. He heads toward Alice to get his book back. Alice dry heaves. Carrington takes a few steps back. Alice drops the book onto the metal surface surrounding the ring. Carrington is unsure how to approach…it’s as if there’s a moat between him and his destination. The moat being a potential spray of puke from the homeless mouth of Alice Knight~
Smith: Well this is something you don’t encounter everyday
Hood: I’m sure Carrington doesn’t want to catch AIDS
Smith: You can’t get AIDS from vomit
Hood: You sure about that?
Smith: Yes, like ninety percent sure
~Carrington awkwardly approaches Alice from behind. He grabs her around the waist. Someone from the crowd yells “RAPE!” Carrington pauses. Gruff rolls his eyes telling Carrington to ignore that “crazy flimflam”. Carrington hooks Alice around the waist…he deadlifts her and tosses her across the ring with a Release German Suplex! Alice lands on her head and neck and slides near the ropes. Carrington quickly checks his arms and hands…they are clean of any sort of vomit. He sighs with relief~
Smith: Poor Alice
Hood: At least she didn’t projectile vomit all over the place while flying through the air
Smith: I don’t see how she can compete with this ailment
Hood: SHE ATE FISH TACOS BEFORE THE MATCH IT’S HER OWN DAMN FAULT
Smith: There’s no proof of that!
Hood: Oh, give it another minute…there will be proof all over that damn ring
~Displaying his tremendous athleticism, Bradley leaps over the top rope all the way to the metal surface with ease. He lands safely and bends over to pick up his book. He’s about to place it back in his corner when the wind blows it open. He’s grabbed, emotionally, by the words on the page. He leans against the apron with his hand over his chest, reading the moving passage. The fans begin to boo~
Smith: Oh please
Hood: Quiet…this is deeply moving
Smith: This is a joke…that’s what this is
Hood: Oh and like Miss puke my guts out wasn’t? Bradley is reading the greatest piece of literature since Ulysses…let the man be!
~Carrington is about to put it up when he just can’t help himself…he turns a page. We hear him say, out loud “Such a page turner.” He turns the page and continues reading. Alice gets to her feet and spots Carrington leaning against the apron, reading. She sprints his way and performs a baseball slide, kicking Carrington in the back!! Bradley stumbles forward…the book slips from his hands and falls into the water! Carrington looks at the book in the water and screams “NOOO!!” The crowd goes wild. A ‘FUCK YO BOOK!’ chant breaks out~
Smith: Haha! Take that Mr. Pompous Professor!
Hood: Oh wow, great one there, Smith
Smith: Thank you, Hood.
Hood: I was being sarcastic
~The book floats atop the blue water. Carrington seeks to retrieve it. He stands near the edge and starts to reach for the book when, suddenly, an oceanic whitetip breaches and bitches into the book! Another oceanic whitetip pops up and helps…together they shred the book to pieces! Carrington nearly falls into the water, startled…he manages to shift his weight backward, falling on his ass. He crabwalks as quickly as he can away from the water. The two oceanic whitetips take the book down into the water, continuing to devour it. The book will never be seen again. The crowd is ravenous, chanting “WHITE TIP! WHITE TIP!”~
Smith: Thank goodness…now we can move on from that stupid book
Hood: Classless whitetips…A Great White would have gladly delivered that back to The Professor
Smith: I guess we’ll never know
Hood: I’m jonesing for some fin soup right about now…Oceanic Whitetip fin soup
~Carrington returns to his feet…Alice is on the apron behind him. She leaps off and latches onto his back with a Sleeper Hold! Carrington is annoyed…he tries to throw her off, over his head, but she’s clutching too tight. So, he rushes backward and slams her into the pole! Alice lets go and falls to her knees. Carrington stands over her…he grabs her hair and pulls back, exposing her face to the point where it’s looking up at him. He spits in her face and tosses her to the side. Alice falls over, lying on her side atop the metal surface. Carrington marches around the ring, looking for the anchor~
Smith: Crushing…c’mon Alice! Get back up…hurry before this pompous jerk becomes Oceanic Champion!
Hood: Boy you’re something else
Smith: I can’t help it…she’s like a fourth cousin to me
Hood: So close enough to explain the fandom but far enough down the branch to fuck?
Smith: I WOULD NEVER
~Carrington has to walk all the way across the ring to the opposite side before finding the chain that holds the belt. His body language seems to insinuate that he thinks this is a stupid stipulation. He bends down and grabs the chain…he’s very careful and cautious – I guess seeing two giant sharks maul your favorite book moments earlier might do that to a person. He slowly begins to pull the chain up. Alice is still down on the other side of the ring~
Smith: This isn’t good…I think Alice is going to lose
Hood: I HOPE so…that title hasn’t been seen in almost twenty years and the first person to hold it is…ALICE KNIGHT…c’mon
Smith: I think she’d make a great Oceanic Champion
Hood: Maybe the Indian Ocean…the shittiest of all the oceans
~Carrington continues to pull. He’s probably wondering how long the chain is at this point. Alice gets to her feet on the other side and rolls into the ring, holding her back. Carrington sees something several feet deep beginning to emerge. “Finally,” he says. He pulls faster…the object rushes toward him…it breaches! Carrington, again, is startled! He staggers back, letting go of the chain! The object flops onto the metal surface…it’s Alice’s book! The crowd goes wild~
Smith: Now that’s what I call a good book!
Hood: I’m telling you…this woman is a fucking gypsy. That book is cursed! How the fuck else do you explain that?
Smith: Good luck…I mean it did sink…so it must have got caught up in the chain.
Hood: Are you sure she didn’t, like, pay one of her loser friends to snorkel down there, helping her out
Smith: SHE WOULD NEVER
~Carrington…once he realizes what popped out of the water goes from stunned to furious. He stands and kicks the book back into the water. He floats for a while, longer than before. Alice steps through the ropes behind Carrington and hops onto his shoulders. Carrington is caught by surprise…he reaches up, trying to grab a limb or some hair. Alice is in the Electric Chair position…she jerks back and tosses Carrington on his head with a Reverse Rana!! The top of Carrington’s head SLAMS into the metal surface surrounding the ring! The fans go wild! The Professor ends up on his stomach…the toes of his boots are hanging over, in the ocean~
Smith: Yes! That a girl!
Hood: A reverse rana…what the shit?
Smith: She’s more than meets the eye
Hood: That ain’t saying much
~Alice pops to her feet, excited she pulled such a high risk move off! She starts to hoot along with her fans, flapping her wings. The impact from the move has caused the ring area to slosh around a bit. She pauses…her stomach feels the unsettled nature of the surface. She bends over and yells “OH NO!” The crowd gasps in horror~
Smith: Is she…please no…not on national television!
Hood: Well, it is STARZ
Smith: Still, how embarrassing
Hood: It’s Alice…she’s beyond embarrassment
~Alice dry heaves and falls to her knees…she leans back for air, looking into the sky. She holds up a finger…pauses and then says “It’s okay…I’M OKAY!” The crowd applauds. She gets to her feet and goes after Carrington. Bradley is back on his feet, waiting for this nonsensical woman. He gives her an elbow to the top of the head. Alice staggers back. Carrington is about to kick her in the gut but hesitates…he chooses a different method of destruction. He grabs her by the throat with both hands, lifts her up and drops her onto the metal surface with a double handed chokeslam into a powerbomb!! Alice hits hard! The fans boooo! Carrington gets up and heads for the anchor chain~
Smith: No!!!
Hood: Thank whatever deity you follow…Carrington put that bitch DOWN
Smith: By Otep
Hood: Huh?
Smith: Sorry, I just really love Julliet’s song
Hood: Fuckin hell man, get your shit together
~Bradley grabs the chain much quicker and with more confidence than the last time. He starts pulling it up. In doing so, he sees Alice’s book still floating. He scoffs. He says very mean things about her literary work. His frustration turns from the book to the length of the chain. He continues to pull…something shimmers far beneath the surface. It HAS to be the Oceanic Title. He’s getting close! The fans start to stomp their feet and cheer for Alice to get up. But, she’s still down. Suddenly, we see a few dolphins swim by. Carrington pauses and steps back, at first. However, once he realizes they are the ‘safe’ fish, mammal, whatever…he resumes pulling the title to the surface. One dolphin, in particular, swims toward Alice’s book. The dolphin dives under the book and kicks it’s fin up, slapping the book out of the water and through the air. It hits Bradley in the head. The dolphins make their dolphin noises. Carrington drops the chain…the title, a few feet from the surface, plunges all the way back into the deep. It takes Carrington a few seconds to realize what’s happened…but once he does, he is beyond furious~
Smith: Gosh I love dolphins!
Hood: What’s with nature today…did Carrington spear fish with a Japanese fishing crew before coming out here? This is ridiculous!
Smith: Alice is just one with nature…she lives a harmonious lifestyle. Ants, cats, owls…dolphins…they love her!
Hood: It makes me fucking sick
~Carrington grabs Alice’s book. By now it’s probably top five on his list of most hated inanimate objects. He tries to rip it in half but the hard plastic is too much. So, in his fury, he just flings it back into the water…he throws it as far as he can. It slams against the plastic partition keeping the fans safe…it ricochets off and hits the water, floating innocuously atop the surface once more. Carrington waits for it to sink…it finally starts to sink and he lets out a sigh of relief “GOOD RIDDANCE” he says. He goes back to pulling the chain up. Alice rises from behind. She’s holding the back of her head…her expression almost looks hungover. She spots Bradley pulling the chain out of the water and becomes focused~
Smith: C’mon, Alice! Stop him! Stop that man!
Hood: Fall into the water you crazy woman! Get eaten by a shark!
Smith: I told you…she’s one with nature…that won’t happen
Hood: There’s got to be some rogue animal out there willing to eat her who doesn’t give a fuck about being ‘one with nature’.
~Knight gets to her feet and climbs onto the apron. She runs and jumps at Carrington…she appears to be going for a bulldog. Carrington, using his major strength and weight advantage, is able to keep from falling forward into the water. He does, however, drop the chain. He is able to hoist Alice up in an atomic drop position. He turns around…facing the ring, looking to drop her on the apron. Alice kicks at the ropes…she kicks off them, spins Carrington toward the steps and drops him with a bulldog on the steps!!! The crowd goes wild! Carrington is on his knees, face first on top of the steps. Alice lands on her feet safely on the other side~
Smith: Yes! Yes!
Hood: Now I’m the one who’s going to be sick
Smith: Oh toughen up buttercup!
Hood: Excuse me?
~Carrington begins to stir. Alice needs to do more damage to The Professor. However, out on the metal…she starts to become queasy again. She theorizes that the ring is more stable…better for her Fish Taco filled stomach. So, she grabs Carrington and rolls him into the ring. She slides in behind him. Carrington gets to his feet, holding his head…Alice pops to her feet and knees him in the gut…she follows that up with a Double Arm DDT!! Carrington hits the mat and flips onto his back! Alice returns to her feet…she’s a little uneasy…still a bit squeamish, but she sucks it up and hits the ropes…she tucks and rolls toward Carrington before reaching her feet and flipping over with Rolling Thunder!! The crowd erupts! They start HOOTING again! Alice returns to her feet and does the ‘Ric Flair’ strut…only she’s flapping her arms with each strut, pretending to be an owl. The crowd chants along with each step “HOOT! HOOT!”~
Smith: What a moment! I live for these moments!
Hood: I bet half our audience has tuned out by now
Smith: You kidding me? Alice is RATINGS
Hood: Yea, for whatever is airing on HBO or Showtime…or, and I hate to say this…CINEMAX
~Finally, someone in the crowd yells. “ALICE MY DEAR, I LOVE YOU BUT, PLEASE, GO FOR THE BELT!” Alice pauses and salutes in the direction she thinks the voice came from…it was actually on the opposite side of stands, but whatever. She’s probably got a touch of vertigo. Alice hops through the ropes and lands on the metal surface. She reaches the chain and begins to pull. It’s heavy and, as we saw with Carrington, long. She pulls and pulls. She starts to drip with sweat. She reaches for her stomach – not feeling well AT ALL. But, she continues. Carrington, meanwhile, sits up in the center of the ring, trying to remember what’s going on. Alice continues to pull…she pauses and lets out a silent belch. She is not looking good. She continues to pull though…a few fans in the stands wince, feeling a sense of what she’s experiencing~
Smith: Ugh, poor Alice
Hood: I have no sympathy for that woman.
Smith: Then you have no heart!
Hood: Fine by me…means it can’t attack and kill me
~Like Carrington earlier, Alice spots the shine and shimmer of the belt nearing the surface. “Almost there,” she says while looking at her stomach, rubbing it gently. She continues pulling it up. Carrington looks over his shoulder, spotting Alice pulling the chain. He rolls toward the edge of the ring and sits atop the apron. He gets to his feet on the apron and leaps off with a double axe handle to the back of Alice’s head!! She drops the chain…the belt disappears back into the blue abyss. Carrington snares Alice by the hair before she can fall into the water. He yanks her violently back…her back SLAMS into the edge of the apron. Carrington throws a stiff kick into her upper chest/throat area, avoiding her stomach. Alice falls to her knees. She rolls onto her back, staring up into the clear blue sky. Carrington rolls into the ring and heads to a corner…he appears ready to be finished with this nonsense~
Smith: What is he going to do
Hood: Something awesome
Smith: Hasn’t she been through enough? LEAVE HER ALONE
Hood: Calm down man, geez
~Carrington is standing on the top buckle. He looks down at Alice with loathsome hate…that’s some next level hate. He decides to take it up a notch. He stands atop the ring post. Alice is positioned with her feet facing the ring. Her head is dangerously near the edge of the metal surface. The water rises and occasionally hits her hair. Carrington closes his eyes, gathering the energy and composure he needs to pull this off. A creature swims up to Alice. It’s THAT DAMN DOLPHIN. It’s carrying her book in its mouth. Alice looks over and sees the dolphin. She reaches with her hand and takes the book. The dolphin quickly and quietly dives back under the water. Carrington bends his knees, eyes still closed, and he leaps off with a Shooting Star Press! The crowd inhales with awe at the move. Carrington is so graceful, so athletic…it’s picture perfect. Alice lifts her book up, while still on her back as defense. On the way down, Carrington sees the book…he displays tremendous agility and athleticism in being able to manipulate the landing so he lands on his feet, stumbling over Alice, avoiding landing on whatever it was that appeared. He staggers forward and then backward…he finally straightens up and looks down at Alice. And, he sees it…THE FUCKING BOOK. You can almost see the flames going off in his eyes as they are filled with fury~
Smith: One with nature, Hood. One with nature
Hood: I’m going to burn that fucking book…fuck it
Smith: That’s so 1940s Germany, Hood
Hood: Some books need to be burned, Smith
~Carrington rips at the book. Alice won’t let go. She gets to her feet…the two are having a tug of war over Alice’s book~
Smith: Look at how in demand that book is!
Hood: Please, spare me
Smith: I’m sorry, I do not have a copy to spare
Hood: Fuck off
~The slick, wet surface slips from their grips…the book flies through the air, landing in the center of the ring. Both competitors stare at it for a second before Carrington slams Alice with a forearm uppercut! Alice staggers back…Carrington grabs her head…he hooks her and drops her on the metal surface with a snap suplex!! Alice arches her back in pain. They are inches from the chain. Carrington grabs the chain and wraps it around Alice’s throat! He starts choking her out! The fans boooo!! Gruff, who has just been checking his pager in the ring, responds to the increased booing. He watches from inside the ring and waits to see if the match needs to be stopped~
Smith: Stop choking her! Disqualify him!
Hood: Nope…it’s within the rules.
Smith: What a hideous man
Hood: After everything he’s been through in this shit show of a match…I’d say Alice is fortunate Carrington didn’t shoot her in the face
~Alice, while being choked, has enough awareness to pull the chain up. There’s no escaping the choke hold. Carrington is furious and he’s not letting go until Alice stops moving. Alice continues pulling the chain up. She pulls and pulls…the shimmer of the title shines once more…the crowd rises…this might be it…the title may surface! It does! The Oceanic Championship breaches the water. Alice muscles it up onto the metal platform. Carrington, hearing the reaction from the crowd opens his eyes. He spots the title and immediately drops the chain. He lunges for the belt, grabbing hold. This gives Alice an opportunity to unwrap the chain from her throat. She coughs and coughs, getting on all fours~
Smith: Good news…Alice can breathe. Bad news…Carrington has the darn belt!
Hood: So he wins, right?
Smith: No, he must have control of the belt INSIDE the ring
Hood: *slaps his hands on top of the announce table* MOTHER FUCKER…IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING
~Carrington attempts to seize the opportunity with Alice coughing her lungs up. He unhooks the belt from the chain and gets to his feet, heading for the ring. Alice, though, isn’t a Hall of Famer without merit…she reaches out and grabs his foot, holding on for dear life. Carrington is stuck near the ring…he tries dragging Alice…he’s able to drag her a few feet before she wraps her leg around the chain. Now, they are stuck. Carrington drops the title onto the apron and goes after her. Alice, instinctively, rolls him up in a small package! There is no count…Carrington kicks out and both competitors are quickly on their feet. Alice’s neck is red and irritated from the choke job. Carrington’s face is still contorted due to an endless stream of frustration. As if riding the same mental wave (scary thought if you’re Carrington) both competitors dive at the belt. They reach the title at the same time, knocking it toward the center of the ring, near Alice’s book. They begin brawling once they realize it’s out of reach, the fans go wild~
Smith: This doesn’t look good…Alice can’t win a fist fight with Bradley Carrington
Hood: Damn straight
Smith: And that title is just sitting in the ring…all a competitor would have to do is get on top of it
Hood: Damn straight
~As predicted, Carrington is winning the brawl. Alice, though, throws a kick into his shin. This staggers the larger competitor. Alice dives for the apron…Carrington, though, snares her by the hair and yanks her back. Alice falls on her ass. Carrington heads for the apron. Alice grabs the chain and crawls toward Bradley. Carrington gets one knee up on the apron…Alice turns the chain into a metal lasso and hooks it around his other leg. Carrington tries lifting it up, but can’t…she got it hooked~
Smith: Hold onto that chain, Alice! Don’t let go!
Hood: Are you fucking kidding me? Carrington…shining wizard the bitch…knock her out!
~Bradley has to put his free foot down. He throws a Mule Kick at Alice. She dodges it and manages to hook that leg with the chain as well. She’s got him basically lassoed at the legs. Carrington hops around, trying to break free, but he can’t. Alice tries tying the chain together but…it’s a chain. So she keeps it tight and attempts to figure out what to do~
Smith: The minute she lets go of that chain he’s going to step out and be free
Hood: So, what, we just gonna sit here for fifteen fucking hours while she tries to use her dumb ass brain?
Smith: She’s in control…so as long as it takes, Hood.
~Alice is at a standstill, mentally. So, she does the one thing she can think of…she punches Bradley directly in the dick. Carrington falls over, grimacing in pain. The crowd erupts with cheers. Alice takes a moment to strut…but the fans quickly yell at her to get into the ring. She nods and heads for the apron~
Smith: Great move!
Hood: Ugh…fuck my life, fuck this world
~Carrington fights through the most horrific pain and man can endure…aside from living with a bitchy wife. He gets the chains off of his legs and stumbles to his feet, limping toward the apron. Alice slides into the ring. Bradley has to hurry. He hops onto the apron. Alice heads for the title…she takes off running, skipping over the title. This surprises Bradley. He’s on the apron, confused. Alice hits the ropes…she comes flying off and soars through the air with a knee strike! It hits Bradley right in the face!! Carrington flies off the apron and lands with a tremendous SPLAT onto the metal surface outside the ring! The crowd leaps to their feet with a huge ovation! Alice, on her feet…walks over and reaches for the book. The crowd yells ‘NO ALICE! THE TITLE! GRAB THE TITLE!” Alice makes a “OH, YEA, MY BAD” face and reaches for the title. She grabs it and the bell rings. The place goes bananas! It’s the loudest we’ve heard the event so far~
Smith: Yes! Yes!
Hood: Why do I put myself through this
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND THE NEW OCW OCEANIC CHAMPION….ALICE KNIGHT!!!!!
Smith: She did it! What a woman! WHAT A MOMENT!
Hood: And that title is suddenly more worthless now than it ever was sitting in that warehouse under a bunch of junk
Smith: Not only did she claim the title…but she kept her book from being destroyed, dirtied, messed up…tremendous!
~Alice is smiling. The ring apparatus is swaying, however, from Bradley’s crash landing. Alice gets nauseous again. She dry heaves…this looks like it might be it and…SHE THROWS UP ALL OVER HER BOOK!! The crowd groans~
Smith: Ewww!
Hood: I told you she ate fish tacos!
Smith: Cut away! Cut away right now!
~The OCW cameras pan over the air craft carrier, showing the fans in the stands over the landing strip. They all get up and cheer as the camera continues to move before it fades to black. The screens on the top of the stands light up and a video package begins to roll. The humming of a barbershop quartet, in the tune of Derek and the Domino’s “Layla” plays in the background as we fade into a man getting his beard shaped. The person cutting the beard is using precise knives, and special sprays and gels to make sure it is proper looking. The camera zooms out to reveal the barber fading the sideburns into the hair on the person’s head. He finishes by grabbing warm shaving cream and patting it on the back of the person sitting in the barber chair. The barber pulls out a straight knife and does a quick clean shave of the back of the neck, whipping away the excess cream. He takes the brush and cleans the hair off the barber apron and takes the apron off. The person in the chair gets up and looks in the mirror, and the camera zooms out to reveal the person being “Wise Guy” Saxon Rowe.~
Saxon Rowe: Thank ya kindly Bald Joe; always the best at what ya do.
Bald Joe: No problem Mr. Rowe, anytime for an upstanding individual like yourself.
Saxon Rowe: Ah, you’re too fucking kind Joe, here ya go.
~Saxon Rowe goes into his pocket and pulls out a crisp looking one hundred dollar bill and places it in Bald Joe’s hand. He tries to not accept it but Rowe insists. He takes a lollipop normally for the kids and begins to suck on it before looking into the camera, walking around the barbershop while others are getting their haircut.~
Saxon Rowe: You see this beard here? It’s goddamn perfection. Bald Joe did a good job but that’s because of my instruction. You see, everything I do is goddamn perfection. Around here in Providence, I’m the man. Everyone looks up to me. If you got problems – you come to me, and I solve them for you. Now, I’m heading to Key West to set up shop for my pa’, and what do I see? OCW. I’m a natural brawler, and I notice myself that OCW is full of something that Providence is full of – a bunch of nothing goodie two shoe sons-a-bitches. There’s no one there who’s got the balls to shake things up and make the place their own. That’s where I come in…
~Saxon stops for a moment to again examine Bald Joe’s handiwork before peering back into the camera.~
Saxon Rowe: Fuck, I look too good. Too. Good. I’m going to come to OCW to fix it up, to flip it sideways, and make it mine. Anything I want – I get it. It’s that simple. You see, I’ve made myself a made man out here in Providence, and I know I can do the same in Key West. I’ll serve the fine people of Key West, and I’ll make sure they know I am the man to go to if ya need a hand. OCW better be ready for--
~Saxon Rowe’s speech is drowned out by an argument beginning behind him. Rowe, furious, throws the lollipop to the ground, turns around, and heads over to the argument. A man with basic hair and a thin beard is upset with Bald Joe. Once the man sees Saxon Rowe, he immediately stops protesting.~
Saxon Rowe: What seems to be the issue gentlemen?
Basic Guy: Nothing man.
Saxon Rowe: No, no. You clearly are upset at my man Bald Joe and I’m just coming to see if I can diffuse the situation. So tell me, uh, I’m going to call you Basic, cause you got some basic shit on your head there. I wouldn’t even call that hair. I’m surprised my man Bald Joe was able to make that look even somewhat good cause it’s too grey, it’s falling apart, your balding in the middle, maybe he should just shave ya. Anyways… what’s the problem?
~Saxon takes out a straight razor from his pocket and begins opening and closing it while eyeing Basic. Basic gulps multiple times, trying to get the words out of his mouth but keeps fumbling.~
Saxon Rowe: C’mon Basic… did ya suddenly forget how to fucking talk? Bald Joe, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?
Bald Joe: I don’t know Saxon.
Saxon Rowe: Why did he start yelling at you? You must’ve pissed him off good to be yelling you, Bald Joe, of all people.
Bald Joe: He didn’t like the fade I did.
~Saxon begins to laugh hysterically, slapping Bald Joe on the back and then placing his hand on Basic’s shoulder, keeping himself up from laughing so hard. He laughs louder before taking his left hand, placing it on Basic’s head and smashing it on the counter in front of the barber chair. Basic screams, blood coming from his nose, as he falls to the floor, crying. Bald Joe backs up as Saxon kneels down and begins to rain punches into Basic’s face. He gets up, fixes his beard for a moment, before kicking Basic between the legs and spitting on him.~
Saxon Rowe: You come into my man’s barber shop, and then complain about a fucking fade? Who the fuck do you think ya are, Basic? Huh? Bald Joe is a master at this craft, and he fixed your mess of a hair. You will thank Bald Joe for your haircut, you will pay him, and you will tip him generously and then you will get the fuck out of this shop and never show your goddamn face again because if you do, I’ll make sure you can never walk to another barbershop again, you fucking hear me?
~A mumbling comes from Basic but can’t really be heard over his heavy breathing and trembling from Saxon’s beating. Frustrated, Saxon kicks him again in the gut.~
Saxon Rowe: Do you fucking understand, Basic?!
Basic: …I…get…it.
Saxon: Good… sorry Joe, here’s for your counter, bud.
~Saxon gives Bald Joe a roll of money before going to head out of the shop. He notices the OCW camera’s are still rolling. He smirks, staring into it as it zooms onto his face.~
Saxon Rowe: Now you know I mean business.
~Without another word, Saxon Rowe chuckles, leaving the barbershop. The final shot is of Basic lying on the ground, holding his bloody nose as the video feed fades out to commentary.~
Smith: Saxon Rowe...one of a litany of talented newcomers here in OCW. Seems like a nice guy to me...although he did kind of snap on that customer
Hood: Customer was being a dick. To me, Rowe is a HERO
Smith: Hmm...you seem to like this guy
Hood: He's got an A+ beard...he doesn't put up with annoying bitches...yea, he's a-okay in my book
Smith: Not sure how I feel about him now...nevertheless...Saxon Rowe will be making his in ring debut next week at Monday Night Massacre! In the meantime, I'm being told we have an update on Melinda Rhodes...let's cut to that real quick!
~We are greeted by the sight of OCW GM Marcus Welsh stepping up to the medical infirmary door. He naturally looks pensive and even a bit nervous as the masked Knife Man pops his head through the door.~
Welsh: You called me.
Knife Man: You're the only one on staff with Type O- Blood and Melinda Rhodes needs a blood transfusion. She bled severely from the wound on her head. Thin blooded.
~He shrugged.~
Knife Man: Without it, she might die in the next 30 minutes.
~Welsh thought about it for a moment, then nodded.~
Welsh: Alright, whatever you need, Doctor.
~With that, Knife Man held the door open and stepped back to allow Welsh entry. The door then shut behind him with a loud clank.~
Smith: Oh wow, Hood. Her condition is much worse than we feared. Our GM is going to have to give her a blood transfusion
Hood: Surprised Welsh is going to do that...guy seems particular as hell.
Smith: Yea but it's a rare blood type...sometimes that kind of knowledge can create a bond
Hood: I guess. That or he's not a total animal and doesn't want to see a person die
Smith: Yes, sometimes the obvious answer is the correct one
Hood: OR, he knows there's a ton of money to be made with Melinda and THAT's why he doesn't want her to die
Smith: That's the option I'd lean toward
Hood: Either way...Brooks fucked that woman up. Remind me, again, to never piss Julliet off
Smith: I'll try to, really just depends on how you're treating me. Regardless...I'm not sure what's going to happen to Julliet or what we're going to do in regards to their spot...but nothing official has been mandated or handed to me...so until then, I guess we'll have to wait and see. Meanwhile...I'm told Alice's regurgitated fish tacos have been cleaned up...the ring is ready to go and it's time for Mike Zybala and Bob Grenier!
Hood: If there is a higher power...let him bestow us with his benevolence by putting Grenier over Zybala. Please, please, PLEASE!
Smith: It's Grenier...it's Zybala...it's for the OCW Commissioner spot...and it's NEXT!
Referee Shark Cage
Bob Grenier (14-10) vs. Mike Zybala (6-1)
~We cut to the ring out over the ocean. A Shark Cage is seated in the middle of the ring. A large cable is hooked to the top, extending out, over the water, to the side of the Aircraft Carrier. Gruff stands inside the ring looking all ‘GRUFF LIKE’…ya know, frustrated, annoyed, wondering why he had to be dragged all the way out to sea. Belvedere’s voice booms out over the PA system as the fans in the bowl shaped, floating stands are buzzing with anxiety, ready for some more action~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the OCW Commissioner Match! The winner of this match will be declared the OCW Commissioner! This match will be a Referee Shark Cage…the referee for this match will be placed in a Shark Cage suspended above the ring. In order to win the match, the referee must be released in order to count pinfalls or monitor submission attempts. Now, introducing the referee…
~”I Need a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler ROCKS THE OCEAN! The fans go wild! An “UUUUUUBER” chant bellows out from the fans in attendance. Even the fans on board are joining in. A green jet ski shoots into view with Uber on the back, hugging the waist of the person driving. The driver isn’t anyone special, just some faceless OCW employee. Uber has his cheek pressed against the driver’s back, looking terrified. A splash of water kicks up, hitting his leg…he yelps, pulling his leg up…fearful that it might be a shark. They reach the ring and Uber has to be carried off the jet ski, safely onto the metal platform. He quickly runs and rolls into the ring, popping to his feet. He’s got a green and white striped cape and outfit on…his style of referee pattern. He stands, hands on his hips, cape flapping along with the breeze~
Belvedere: From Rancho Cucamonga, California…he is the defeater of evil…the protector of the weak and, most notably, the rumored boyfriend of Alice…he is…THE UBER MAN!
~The crowd goes wild. Uber continues to hold his super hero pose. Gruff walks up and shoves him saying “GET IN THE DAMN CAGE BOY”. Uber staggers around, finding Gruff’s demeanor unsettling. However, he’s got a job to do and he’s gonna do it! Uber gets into the cage and waves around at the fans while the door is being locked. Gruff grumbles and heads out of the ring, finding a control device. He begins to raise the cage bitching and moaning about this act not being in his job description. Uber starts to rise up. He’s cool, at first. He continues to rise…which causes him to grow more nervous. Finally, he yells out “HOW HIGH ARE WE GOING?” It continues to rise. The crowd urges Uber to calm down~
Smith: I think Uber might be afraid of heights
Hood: Afraid of heights…afraid of the water…can we just kill this guy off already?
Smith: Absolutely not!
Hood: This place has become spineless
~The cage keeps rising as Belvedere’s golden voice calls back out~
Belvedere: And now…introducing the first competitor…
~The increasingly iconic opening to Zybala’s theme song hits. The crowd jumps up and begins superkicking the air as a Zybala tribute. The commissioner himself, Mike Zybala appears standing atop one of the floating stands. The fans turn and go wild! He throws a few superkicks before hustling down and high fiving the fans. He reaches the front row and hops up onto the Plexiglas partition keeping the fans from falling into the ocean. He takes a seat and kicks his legs around, jamming to the music~
Belvedere: From Buffalo, New York…standing 5’6 and weighing in at 175lbs…he is the OCW Commissioner…he is Mike Zybala!!!
~Zybala hops off the partition, diving into the ocean! He swims the several feet from the floating stands to the metal circle surrounding the ring. He pulls himself up, takes off his “ZYBALA FOR PRESIDENT” shirt, shakes the excess water off his head and rolls into the ring. He looks up at Uber Man, who is trembling with fright. “IT’S ALRIGHT, UBER! I PERSONALLY INSPECTED THESE CAGES. YOU’LL BE FINE!” Uber shrieks with terror~
Belvedere: And…his opponent…
~”WHERE THE HOOD AT” BY DMX blasts. The crowd is like “AWWW SHIT” as Bob Grenier is driven into the ring area on a red and white themed boat with the Canadian Flag flying high. He’s got a tall boy of MOLSON in his hand, pounding it back. A hand rolled cigarette? hangs from his mouth leaving a thick, conspicuous cloud of smoke trailing behind. Several fans lean over, trying to get a whiff. Bob reaches the ring area and hops off the boat, snaring his Canadian Flag. He hustles up the steps and waves the flag, proudly with a beer in the other hand and the suspicious cigarette hanging from his mouth~
Belvedere: From Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…he is an OCW Hall of Famer…he is BOB GRENIER!
Smith: Bob Grenier supporting his home nation
Hood: That American WAR SHIP should point a gun at him and blow the fucker away for this treachery
Smith: Are there guns on that ship?
Hood: Seems like there should be but…ya know, I never really found the inspiration to look it up
Smith: Solid work as always, Hood
~The music stops. Gruff drops the control on the metal, outside the ring and complains while hopping onto Bob’s Canadian boat. He exits the ring area. We hear the bell sound! The crowd has a dueling “BOB GRENIER” “ZYBALA!” chant. Bob nods along with it, finishing his cigarette, pounding his beer and placing the finished cigarette inside the tallboy. He flips it over his shoulder, it lands in the beautiful, blue sea water. Bob places the Canadian flag in his corner…it sits, proudly atop the ring post, waving in the air. He turns, facing Zybala~
Smith: I’m sure he meant for that to land on the metal
Hood: Fucking Canadian coming over here and polluting our water!
Smith: We’ll get it picked up, no worry
Hood: Fucking Canadian can’t pick up his own mess
~Grenier walks up to Zybala who appears just happy to be there. You know, it’s Zybala…he loves life! Grenier pie faces Zybala! The crowd starts to boo. Grenier backs up and motions for Zybala to come at him. Zybala, with his head turned from the pie face, slowly rotates the head back around. He lunges forward with a SUPERKICK! Grenier braces…Zybala holds back…it’s a fake out! Grenier looks up and is SLAPPED in the mouth by Zybala! The fans go wild!~
Smith: Great fake out by our commish! You never know what’s coming when Zybala’s around
Hood: That’s the fuckin truth
Smith: He’s starting to grow on me
Hood: Yea, like a really nasty rash…or a staph infection
Smith: RUDE
~Grenier responds with a forearm smash…Zybala ducks! Grenier spins around, Zybala locks in a sleeper…he hops onto Bob’s back, locking both legs around Bob’s waist. Grenier staggers and stumbles around, choking. He reaches the ropes and wraps both hands around the top. He bends at the knees…the crowd rises with anticipation~
Smith: What’s he going to do?!
Hood: Squash that raving lunatic like a bug!
Smith: Who are you pulling for here?
Hood: A surprise run in and VETO by Welsh
~Grenier leaps into the air…Zybala unhooks his legs and lets go of the sleeper, landing safely on the mat, preventing any damage from whatever Bob is attempting. It appears as though Bob was going for a somersault all the way to the metal extension on the outside…landing on his back where Zybala was attached. However, Bob, still possessing above average athleticism, manages to manipulate his trajectory and land on his feet, safely upon the apron. Both men stare at each other, half smiling. The dueling chants resume~
Smith: It’s almost as though these two were born to be rivals. Look at how they are able to read one another
Hood: Man we’re a few minutes in and the hardest hitting move was a fucking slap…WEAK ASS MATCH
Smith: Give it time, Hood
Hood: You know what would be great? If that fucking cage fell and somehow, magically exploded…taking the idiot inside the cage and the two idiots in the ring out for good
Smith: I’ll just pretend like I didn’t hear that
~Zybala turns to the side and twitches like he’s going to throw a SUPERKICK. Grenier braces the top rope. He flinches as though he’s going to leap over it but stops…both men are at a standstill, trying to figure the other’s next move out. Grenier finally says fuck it and leaps up…Zybala throws a Superkick! Grenier lands on the middle rope (still on the outside) he does a back flip and lands on his feet, atop the metal surface surrounding the ring. The crowd cheers his athleticism. Zybala is able to pull back on his superkick before getting tangled into the ropes. Grenier turns around, holding his arms in the air, proud of his move. Zybala rushes toward Grenier’s corner. He scurries up the buckles and snares the Canadian flag. He leaps off with a double axe handle type jump…but, instead of his fists, he uses the wooden shaft holding the flag high in the air. Grenier turns around and has the wooden shaft CRACKED over his head!! The crowd goes wild! A “USA!” chant breaks out. Zybala remains on his feet with Grenier on his back, holding his head in pain. Zybala looks at the two separated pieces of wood…one with the Canadian Flag attached…the other just a splintered, skinny piece of wood. He tosses that end in the ocean where it floats, innocuously away~
Smith: And Mike Zybala showing that he’s a proud American!
Hood: Nothing says America quite like desecrating the symbol of another country for, basically, no reason
Smith: Indeed
~Zybala takes the Canadian flag and inspects the broken end…it’s jagged. He drops to his knees and uses it on Grenier’s scarred forehead. Blood soon flows from the point of impact. Grenier kicks his legs around, yelling in pain. The fans go wild…they apparently view this as some sort of Northern Border War~
Smith: Zybala said we’d see a violent side this evening…he was prepared for Grenier’s savage nature
Hood: Grenier’s forehead is like a cast…Zybala is simply adding his signature
Smith: Surprisingly sound analogy
~Zybala relents. He looks down at the cut in Grenier’s forehead. He takes the flag and walks toward the edge of the metal surface. He plunges the flag deep into the water. The crowd gasps at first…it’s flag desecration! Once they realize some kind of Canadian lightning bolt isn’t going to strike, they begin to cheer. Zybala yanks the soaked flag out and stands over Bob…he starts to wring the ocean water out of the flag, onto the head of Grenier. The salt stings…Grenier yells out, holding his head, kicking his legs. He rolls over, to escape the burning. Zybala drops to his knees, he wraps the flag around Grenier’s forehead, sits on Grenier’s back and yanks…he’s using the salt water soaked flag, wrapped around Grenier’s cut forehead to apply a Camel Clutch! The crowd is going wild~
Smith: I’ve never seen the camel clutch applied in such a fashion…this is brutal!
Hood: Zybala has to be imaging Grenier as Welsh…that anger…that rage!
Smith: He is certainly channeling some inner wrath…pent up aggression
Hood: Yep…fucker better free Uber, though…otherwise Grenier is going to recover and payback, well, it will be a bitch
~Grenier refuses to tap…not like it would matter, but the guy is tough! He reaches for the apron cloth…it’s no help. He reaches under the ring…but the only things he can get his hands on are either useless or too heavy. So he crawls the other way…he crawls near the ocean. The crowd rises~
Smith: Bob is using his Canadian street smarts!
Hood: Those exist?
Smith: Yes, you know, the mean streets of Canada
Hood: Hahahaha
~Grenier continues to crawl. Zybala pulls back harder and harder, trying to either break Bob’s neck or keep him from reaching his eventual destination. Bob finally gets to the metal border and he pulls his body over and into the ocean!! Both men fall into the water! The crowd leaps to their feat chanting “YES! YES!” They are both underwater for a while…the Canadian Flag surfaces first. A person in the crowd is heard yelling “HAIL CANADA! THE GREAT WHITE NORTH!”~
Smith: A Canadian fan in the crowd
Hood: How’d he get out here? And how is he surviving in the sun?
Smith: They aren’t vampires, Hood
Hood: I never said that…just figured they were more like snowmen
~Zybala surfaces first, gasping for air. Grenier surfaces shortly thereafter, also gasping for air. He winces, reaching up, feeling around his stinging cut. Zybala feels Grenier on his left side and throws and elbow. Grenier throws one of his own. The two throw side elbows at each other, trying to get the other to sink back into the water~
Smith: This is something resembling waterpark shenanigans
Hood: Do we have any…ya know, experienced divers on hand? I mean one of those guys could, theoretically drown
Smith: I’m sure that’s been taken care of
Hood: By Welsh, no doubt…divers instructed to save the Canadian...and only the Canadian
~Grenier throws a vicious right elbow that drills Zybala in the temple. Zybala slinks back into the water. Grenier pulls himself up onto the metal surface with his legs dangling in the water. He catches his breath…a mixture of water and blood drip from his chin. He gets to his feet and leans against the apron, looking up at Uber, who is curled in the fetal position within the cage~
Smith: Zybala cannot get into a fist…or in this instance, an elbow fight with Grenier…he’s just too big
Hood: Welsh’s dream might have come true…Zybala could be six…err, well, sixty feet under right now!
Smith: Hmm, yea…good point…DIVING TEAM…GET READY
Hood: Wait, wait…give it a minute, or twelve
Smith: TWELVE
Hood: I’ve been told, by Welsh, that Zybala can hold his breath for fifteen minutes underwater
~Grenier finds his balance and heads around the ring, looking for the control to the cage. Zybala’s head finally surfaces! He crawls onto the metal surface and rolls onto his back, coughing and spitting up water. He finally sits up, rubbing his eyes and running his hands through his soaked hair. He looks around for Grenier. He crawls toward the apron and peeks over the top spotting Grenier looking down. Zybala pops to his feet and he slides into the ring. Grenier finds the remote. His eyes widen as if to say “there it is!” He bends over…Zybala gets to his feet sprints toward the ropes…he leaps onto the top rope, springboards off and comes down with a double foot stomp into Grenier’s back!!! The Canadian falls hard, front first onto the metal. Zybala’s momentum combined with the impact send him rolling forward…he goes off the metal and back into the ocean. The remote slides near the ring steps~
Smith: And Zybala is back in the ocean
Hood: Guy is really enjoying the day at the beach…or well near the beach…at least nearer to the beach than the next beach on the nearest continent or…whatever, I’ll shut up
Smith: Thank you
~Grenier rolls over onto his back, staring into the endless, clear blue sky. Blood slides down his cheek, emanating from his nose, which must have busted on the metal. The gash in his head has been opened a little wider. His eyes are glazed over…ya know, more so than usual. He breathes in and out with his mouth open, in recovery mode. Zybala pops up nearby, placing his arms on the metal surface. He’s growing tired of being tossed into the ocean. He climbs onto the metal surface and spots Bob. He makes some kind of joke about a Canadian trying to get a tan. He then spots the remote near the steps~
Smith: Bob is clearly concussed…can he continue?
Hood: He’s a Grenier…he’ll be fine
Smith: I guess we’ll have to find out!
~Zybala grabs the remote and stares at it…perhaps figuring out how it works. It’s not THAT complicated but it could have been labeled better. CLASSIC OCW, BABY. Zybala, trying to figure out curses, “SCREW YOU WELSH!” Bob sits up behind Zybala and latches onto the apron, climbing to his feet. Zybala starts to pound the remote against the ring apron. Nothing is happening. He pauses, taking in a deep breath. Grenier finally sees Mike with the remote. He runs forward and shoves Zybala into the ring post!! Mike staggers to the side…he drops the remote and falls into the ocean! Bob takes a seat onto the steps and stares at the remote, somewhat blankly~
Smith: Zybala is BACK in the ocean!
Hood: Big fan of Shark Week, I guess. Too bad he doesn’t have a Go Pro to do some filming
Smith: Luckily we haven’t SEEN any aquatic life so far in this match…that could complicate matters immensely
Hood: It’s almost like Welsh put in a word to Grenier…the more Zybala goes into the water the more likely he is to get attacked by a Megalodon
Smith: Those don’t exist!
~Bob bends over and picks up the remote. He, too, has trouble with it. Zybala’s head pops back up…he spits some water out and shakes his head. He climbs back onto the metal surface and spots Bob. He asks, “FIGURE IT OUT YET?” Bob shakes his head “WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS THING?” Zybala reaches for it, “LET ME SEE IT AGAIN.” “NO!” Bob shouts, “FUCK OFF!” Zybala replies, “GIVE IT TO ME!” Zybala snares the top of the remote…Bob holds onto the bottom…they tug it back and forth…one of them accidentally hits a switch on the back, turning it on! The cage suddenly starts to move…it goes down…then up…then down. Uber man screams from within~
Smith: Let this be a lesson, fans. Always make sure a device is turned ON before using it
Hood: Yes, and if you’re a fan of Zybala, make sure the light switch is turned on before changing a bulb
Smith: What? No! They could get electrocuted
Hood: Especially the switch to the blender…make sure that’s turned on before reaching into the bowels of your sink
Smith: Stop giving dangerous advice!
~They continue to fight amidst the blood curdling UBER screams. Zybala finally kicks Grenier in the shin and rips it away. He plays with the remote a bit…the cage goes up…it then goes back down. Uber screams, ‘PLEASE LORD LET IT STOP!’ Zybala figures out how to lower it…he brings it lower and lower…Grenier, furious, smacks the remote out of his hand…it flies through the air and plunks into the water, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. They both stare at the point it breached and then at one another. They then begin to brawl~
Smith: And there goes the remote…THEY’VE LOST THE REMOTE
Hood: Did you expect anything less?
Smith: I don’t know what I expected from these two, to be honest
~The brawling goes back and forth. Grenier starts to gain an advantage. Suddenly a loud “SPURT” is heard as a whale breaches, shooting water out of it’s blowhole. It looks to be a BLUE whale. Both men stop and look on, in awe. It’s a pretty cool moment. The fans chant “WHALE! WHALE!” The whale flings it’s tale up and splashes the surface, sending a bunch of water rushing over Bob and Mike and into the ring. The circular, floating stands holding the fans wave up and down with the turbulent sea. They all seem to be enjoying the impromptu ride. The tail disappears, taking the Canadian flag with it…down, deep into the blue~
Smith: Wow! That was cool!
Hood: Just cleaning up the mess Grenier left…getting rid of that damn flag
Smith: It did get the ring sorta wet
Hood: Beats a bunch of fucking puke
Smith: Indeed
~Both competitors are still watching the water, processing what they’ve seen. Grenier suddenly SHOVES Zybala to the side and into the water. He crashes into the surface, disappearing into the blue yet again. Grenier slides into the ring and gets to his feet. He looks up at the cage. It’s quite a bit lower but still out of reach~
Smith: Dirty move…but it’s earned him the advantage…now, if only he could reach the cage
Hood: Filthy Canadian way of life
Smith: I think you’re generalizing
Hood: More like rationalizing
~Zybala again surfaces. It appears he’s growing to hate the ocean. His cheeks are puffy. He climbs onto the metal surface and onto the apron. Grenier turns, facing Zybala. He reaches for him…Zybala spits a bunch of sea water into Grenier’s face!!! Grenier falls to his knee, clutching his eyes. Zybala hops onto the top rope and springboards into the air, snaring the bottom of the cage! The crowd goes wild!! He tries pulling himself up…but his arm are tired from constantly climbing out of the ocean~
Smith: Can he do it? Can he get up there?
Hood: WEAK ASS FOREARMS
Smith: He’s climbed out of the ocean at least five times, Hood. He’s tired
Hood: WEAK ASS
~Zybala looks up and sees the fear in Uber’s childlike eyes. It’s enough to get him to pull up and stand on the outside of the cage. Uber stands with shaking legs. Zybala reaches over and unlocks the latch!! He maneuvers to the side and swings the cage door open! The crowd cheers! Uber looks down, frightened. Grenier gets to his feet, still blinded from the salt water. Zybala pats him on the back, urging Uber to jump down. But Uber is scared. Zybala finally says, “SORRY KID, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!” and shoves Uber out of the open door. Uber falls down and lands on Grenier’s shoulders! Bob, instincts kicking in, holds onto Uber and drills him into the mat with a Death Valley Driver! The crowd is stunned. Grenier finally wipes the salt from his eyes and looks down. There’s an “OH SHIT” look in his eyes. Zybala, at first, feels for Uber…but then laughs at Grenier. He jumps down, wraps his legs around Grenier’s head and tosses him across the wet ring with a Hurricanrana! The crowd begins a “MIKEY Z” chant. Zybala pops to his feet and tries to wake Uber up~
Smith: Uber is down! Grenier could get DQ’d for that.
Hood: Yea…but Zybala did throw Uber out of the cage…he could get DQ’d for that
Smith: Are there DQs in this match?
Hood: I have no idea…we’ve got whales so I’d say…no
~Zybala is helping Uber to his feet when Grenier, an angry Grenier, marches up and hooks Zybala in a Full Nelson. He lifts Zybala up and drills him into the mat with a Full Nelson Slam. Grenier then turns his attention to waking Uber up. Zybala winces from the impact, squirming atop the wet canvas. Grenier gets Uber to his feet and helps him into a corner. He pats Uber on the chest and says “That was Mike’s fault, you realize that, right?” Uber nods. Bob nods and says, “Good. Now, I’m gonna drop him on his head and you count the three, okay?” Uber nods. Bob gives Uber a manly pat on the chest. Uber coughs~
Smith: Grenier with the upper hand…it appears he’s won Uber over!
Hood: Fuckin Uber Man ruins everything
Smith: He saves lives, Hood
Hood: HOW…how does he save lives?
Smith: Keeping drunks off the road
~Bob yanks Zybala up and hooks him in OGormans Neuce he quickly transitions this into position for Hollinger Park Hangman! The crowd rises. Zybala throws a knee down into Grenier’s head. Grenier lets go of Zybala. Mike lands on his feet behind Bob. Bob turns around and eats a SUPERKICK!!! Bob goes stiff, falling onto his back, creating a splat on the wet canvas. Mike rushes over to Uber. He explains to Uber, “You know, that was all Bob’s fault.” Uber nods. “Great! Now I’m going to kick him one more time and you count to three, okay?” Uber nods. Zybala gives Uber a manly pat on the chest…Uber winces from this one. Zybala heads back toward Grenier~
Smith: Which side is Uber going to pick?
Hood: The way he looks…scared shitless…I’d guess whoever gets the first pin
Smith: Hmm, you might be on to something
~Uber is petrified, shivering in the corner. He’s seen a whale…earlier he saw sharks in the Alice match. He’s fallen from the cage, taken a DVD…he just wants to go home. Zybala superkicks the air, getting the crowd riled up. Bob returns to his feet. He’s near the ropes. Mike charges at Zybala and throws a superkick! Grenier ducks and lifts Zybala over the top rope, to the metal outside! Zybala tumbles along the metal surface…he edges near the water. He waves his warms…leaning over the water, waving his hands in a circle, trying to keep from falling in. Grenier steps through the ropes and stands on the apron…he leaps off with a dropkick!! Zybala falls head first back into the ocean!! Grenier grabs his elbow – it landed on the metal after the fall. He stands, working his arm back and forth. Uber is still in the corner, shaking with fear~
Smith: Well, if anything, our commissioner is getting quite the swimming workout
Hood: Guy will be a regular Michael Phelps by the time this one is over
Smith: Indeed
~Grenier waits for Zybala to surface. He looks around and finally spots the black hair of Mikey Z rising. Zybala breaches, gasping for air. He places his hands on the metal railing, about to pull himself out of the water. Grenier steps on his fingers…each foot on each hand. Zybala yells out in pain. Grenier reaches down, grabbing Zybala by the hair and pulling him from the ocean. He quickly locks Zybala back in OGormans Neuce. The crowd inhales with an ‘OH SHIT’ vibe~
Smith: Hollinger Park Hangman ON the metal?
Hood: Grenier is about to do the world a HUGE favor
Smith: Stop that! This is heinous!
~Grenier hoists Zybala up for Hollinger Park Hangman. Zybala, though, lands on his feet behind Grenier. Grenier turns around and eats a SUPERKICK!! Grenier staggers into the ring post. Zybala charges forward with a knee lift!!! Grenier staggers forward…Zybala shuffles his feet, giving Grenier room before lunging forward with another SUPERKICK!!! Grenier falls front first on the metal surface surrounding the ring. Zybala measures Grenier up. Grenier lifts his head up, trying to get back to his feet…Zybala runs forward and delivers a CURB STOMP onto Grenier!! The crowd winces in pain! Some even boo Zybala. Mikey Z leans against the apron, breathing heavily. Grenier is out~
Smith: Facial Reconstruction! Zybala just hit Facial Reconstruction!
Hood: I don’t like the man but I’ll give him credit…that name fucking fits
Smith: Indeed it does!
~Zybala turns and sees Uber Man. The timid Uber Man is still shivering in his corner. Zybala grabs Grenier and tosses him into the ring. Zybala slides in behind Grenier and goes toward Uber. He’s telling Uber, “Okay, get ready. Count to three and this is all over!” Uber nods. Zybala turns and sees Grenier, on all fours. A thick, red line of blood connects Grenier’s mouth to the wet ring canvas. Grenier appears to be missing some teeth. Zybala makes a ‘ouch’ face before sprinting at Grenier. Bob pops to his feet! He lifts Zybala in the air for a powerbomb…but Zybala gets too much height and lands behind Bob. Bob turns around and eats another SUPERKICK!! Grenier falls to his knees…he extends his hands to the mat, to keep from face planting. He’s on all fours. Zybala measures him up. Grenier looks at Zybala and gives him the middle finger saying “Fuck you, Zybala.” Zybala charges forward and hits another CURB STOMP!!! Grenier is face down, motionless. Zybala kicks him over and goes for the pin. A scared Uber hesitantly walks forward before dropping to his knees~
1!
~It was a pretty fast count. The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND STILL OCW COMMISSIONER…MIKE ZYBALA!!!!!
Smith: Zybala does it! He remains commissioner!
Hood: Holy fast counts, man! That was like a second and a half in Scruff time
Smith: It was rather fast, yes. I just think Uber wanted to get off this ‘island’.
Hood: What a pussy
~Zybala drops to his knees and pats Bob on the chest. Grenier spits up some blood. He rolls onto his side and spits out a bunch of pieces of teeth. He turns to Mike and smiles, showing a very fucked up grill. Zybala pats him on the back as if to say “Sorry, hell of an effort though!” Bob nods and rolls out of the ring. Zybala turns to Uber Man~
Smith: After that…some respect being shown. That’s nice
Hood: These three should go do a sitcom on some channel I never watch
Smith: I would love that show!
Hood: Yea, three men living together…no surprise you’d love that
~Zybala helps a very frightened Uber to his feet. He helps him to the ropes, through them and onto the metal surface. Uber clings to Mike, afraid to get into the water. A long, less ostentatious boat appears to pick all three men up. Bob tries to get on first but Uber screams and leaps onto the boat, clinging to a seat. Bob and Mike shrug, heading onto the boat simultaneously. The boat takes off~
Smith: And that does it for our action on the Oceanic ring…what fun!
Hood: Good thing it’s over out there…puke and now a bunch of whale water…I don’t think that ring could take much more
Smith: Indeed! Well let's cut backstage for an update on the Rhodes/Brooks situation!
2!
3!!!
~We cut to Welsh’s temporary office for the evening. He’s got a bandage around his arm and is eating on a cookie. He appears to be pretty weak from the transfusion. He leans back in his chair. Knux is standing watch. Welsh tosses what remains of the cookie away~
Marcus Welsh: Who the hell eats Sugar Cookies anyway? These things are fucking disgusting. Knux…I want something better…maybe a chocolate chip cookie? Yea, you can’t beat a good chocolate chip cookie.
~Knux starts to leave. Welsh stops him~
Marcus Welsh: Hold on, on second thought, you’d better stick around…with the way tonight’s going I might need some protection. I’ll just call an underling and have them deliver a chocolate chip cookie to me.
~Welsh grabs his phone. He dials a number. While he’s waiting for someone to answer, we see Knux slide him a glass of OJ. Welsh thanks Knux with a silent nod~
Marcus Welsh: Yes, some chocolate chip cookies ASAP. This is urgent. I’m feeling quite peckish and a little weak. Yes, sounds good…wait, hold on…Knux, would you like a cookie? Perhaps a pastry? Maybe a croissant?
~Knux declines the offer~
Marcus Welsh: No thanks, he’s good. He didn’t have to give a gallon of blood to save someone’s life a few minutes ago…fucking New Mexican Brooks. Alright, yea, get those cookies up to me as quickly as you can. Thanks.
~Welsh hangs up. As soon as he does we see the ‘New Mexican’ in question step into his office. The crowd gives a mixed reaction. It’s Julliet Brooks, obviously. Welsh leans back, looking at her. He grabs his OJ and takes an elongated sip while staring at her. Once he’s done with his OJ he reaches toward the bandage around his arm and rubs it as though it’s killing him~
Marcus Welsh: Julliet…thanks for stopping by. As you can see, I’m not feeling too well. I’m surprised I’m still conscious, if you want to know the truth.
~Brooks has very little sympathy for Welsh and his health issues~
Marcus Welsh: Tonight had such promise. It had such potential. We secured this once in a lifetime location where we could showcase all of OCW’s top stars. But…sadly, one calamity after another befell this strong promotion creating utter chaos. Thankfully, due to my amazing abilities as a general manager, I was able to duct tape and piece together a lineup far superior to any promotion out there. However…that was thrown RIGHT out the window with your actions earlier today. What were you thinking, Julliet? I understand tempers flare…people get angry…but we had an advertised match! Julliet Brooks, one of the biggest stars in the industry against Melinda Rhodes, the fast rising newcomer in OCW...a grudge match, hardcore, falls count anywhere…and you threw it all away! Do you know Rhodes is in critical condition? Do you know I had to give a gigantic portion of my precious blood just so she might make it through the day?
Julliet Brooks: No. I don't know her condition, but I understand your concern. Something got in my head and I just lost it...
~Welsh winces, grabbing his arm. We can’t tell if it’s legit or if he’s being dramatic~
Marcus Welsh: Honestly, I don’t really care about your machinations. All I know is we are a match short. So you, my dear, are going to have to figure something out. You need to go out there and address this audience. You need to explain yourself and you need to give them something, ANYTHING to fill time. Do you get me?
Julliet Brooks: Yes, sir I understand. I'll go out there and do that.
Marcus Welsh: Because, if you don’t…I might be forced. I might be forced…I might be FORCED to hand all of your future bookings over to – Zybala. No, go…find Gruff, take him to the ring and make this right.
~Julliet’s expression states “I certainly don’t want THAT”. She nods and heads out…she pauses…we catch the faint beginning of a smile crease across her face. She exits. Welsh grabs his phone and taps the screen. He stands, leaving the phone behind~
Marcus Welsh: Knux, I need you to check in on Rhodes. See how she’s doing. Once you’ve done that, get back…
~There is a knock at Welsh’s door. He answers the door and finds the man with the chocolate chip cookies. He opens the top of the box. He pauses~
Marcus Welsh: Hmm, these chocolate chips are kinda small, aren’t they? And what is THIS
~Welsh finds another sugar cookie~
Marcus Welsh: Zybala is behind this, isn’t he?!
~Welsh bullies the employee out of his office, into the hallway. Knux exits the office to make sure Welsh doesn’t go too far or further injure himself~
Marcus Welsh: You take this sugar cookie and get out of my face!
~The employee runs off with the disgusting pastry. Welsh places his forehead against the hallway wall, staring at the ground~
Marcus Welsh: Knux, am I losing it?
~Knux remains stoic and silent…but his silence speaks volumes to Welsh~
Marcus Welsh: Thanks, Knux. Makes sense…might just be the location screwing with me. It has been a stressful build to tonight. Thankfully we have two epic matches left. Now go check on Rhodes, big guy!
~Welsh re-enters his office. Knux is gone. An idea hits the GM~
Marcus Welsh: Oh, shit, I forgot to tell him to get more juice. I’ll call him.
~Welsh looks for his phone. It’s missing. He can’t find it anywhere~
Marcus Welsh: What the…I know I left it on top of my desk. Where the hell is my cell phone? WHERE IS MY PHONE?!
~An exasperated Welsh falls into his chair, beyond frustrated. We cut to Smith and Hood~
Smith: It's been a rough night so far for our GM. He's fighting what appears to be a losing battle
Hood: That fucking idiot somehow beat Bob in the most ridiculous match and now Welsh has to deal with him forever!
Smith: Well, yes, that's true
Hood: And, to make matters worse...he's like low on blood. Poor Welsh
Smith: I'm curious to see what Brooks does. She seemed to be remorseful until the very end...do you think she's just playing nice in front of the boss?
Hood: Why are you asking me? I don't know shit about women...aside from Alice Knight. I know and have known for years that she's pure evil.
Smith: And, as if this night weren't bad enough...the GM's phone has been misplaced
Hood: Misplaced? Someone stole that mother fucker. I don't know who or how...but he didn't just misplace it...not a man like Marcus Welsh.
Smith: Who would steal his phone? And why?
Hood: First guess? The Russians. Second guess? Zybala
Smith: Well let's hope it's not the first group you named!
~As the cameras pan around the deck area of the ship. The fans erupting in cheers, either in restlessness for the next matchup or just because it has been all action all the time. Then without warning, the lights that are illuminating the ring and entrance ramp shut off. The screens surrounding the ring flicker. Static snow is all that is seen. The fans of O C W aren't sure what to do with this development. A low tone is now heard through the speakers throughout the area. The static screens begin to flicker. Slowly and with intrigue the sound of a piano begins to play a melody. Still no reaction from the crowd.~
???: From nowhere. The heat. The intensity of flames lashing your flesh comes to bring you to an end.
~As the mysterious male voice enters the airwaves, the melodic piano ends and the sounds of "Rise" by State of MINE begins to play. Intelligent fans begin to boo knowing who this song belongs to. The screens flicker again, now they reveal a single lightbulb dangling from wires. Suddenly... ~
???: Are you curious? Is your pathetic pea brains ready to explode? Do not worry, your pathetic existence will come to an end soon enough. I am here.
~As the words are spoken, a figure appears behind the light bulb. The boos become raucous as they see the figure appearing. "Rise" fades to silence. As the camera zooms out, the details of the figure come more into focus. Long wavy hair, shirtless revealing tattoos all over. The figures face is hidden behind the wall of wavy hair, but only a moment more. Throwing his head back, he reveals piercing blue eyes, a long goatee beard. A crooked sinister can be seen behind the mustache and beard.~
???: I have come to Online Championship Wrestling to prove to all you parasites that I am not kidding about burning the world. In case you have forgotten, allow me to refresh your memory. I am Zolton.
~The crowd erupts into boos that can be heard in the civilizations that could be near the ship. Zolton's voice returns and can be heard distinctly over the boos from the masses.~
ZOLTON: If you think your disdain is going to affect the destruction that I will inflict on the roster? You are all sadly mistaken. I am here to grow my Wake of Ashes. Two at a time it seems. The Margarita Mixer has a new king. You are witnessing him now. Be prepared for your reeducation. Your readjustment. I am going to walk through what you think are championship material and be the unstoppable force you hate. This is the warning. The heads up if you will to the entire O C W roster. Zolton is here and cares none about how good you think you are. Massacre will be exactly that no matter who the powers that be at this place decide to throw in the ring with me and call them my partner. They are just an extra in the show that I will be displaying to all of you. No matter how much your hatred for me Burns in your souls, you will still tune in. O C W just got a massive boost in their reputation and television ratings. I am Zolton. And welcome to my Wake of Ashes.
~Without anything further, the screens flicker a moment then return to normal with the O C W logo. The crowd continue to boo though.~
Smith: It's Zolton! I heard he had designed to sign a special deal with OCW late last week and it appears those rumors are true!
Hood: Sweet. Yea man, I've heard things about this guy...sounds badass. What's with the special deal?
Smith: Well, from what I'm hearing Zolton is here to compete in a tournament...well a tournament that will be announced a little bit later
Hood: Fuckin cock tease
Smith: Given the night Welsh has had, I'm not going to cross him. He wants this event announced after the Craze Title match...so that's how it's going to go. Regardless...Zolton will be competing and will, no doubt, be a major, major force
Hood: I can't fucking wait
Smith: And, speaking of the Craze Title...that match is next!
Hazardous Ladder Match
Ed Houston © (9-5) vs. Josie Barnes (16-10) vs. Muffles the Bunny (4-4)
~Our view shifts back onto the ring atop the aircraft carrier. The fans in the temporary stands surrounding the ring go wild! A small crane pulls into view, several feet away from the ring…it’s neck bends over the ring. A cable hangs from it…at the bottom of the cable is the OCW Craze Championship. The crowd goes wild!! We see OCW personnel place four ladders around the ring…one behind each corner. Belvedere is standing in the ring…the breeze off the ocean fights his tightly manicured hairstyle. His sports coat and dress pants ripple in the breeze. His stache remains steady~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the Hazardous Ladder Match!
~The crowd goes wild! A ‘CRAZE! CRAZE!” chant starts~
Belvedere: The rules of the Hazardous Ladder Match are simple. Surrounding the ring are FOUR ladders. Three of the ladders are faulty…meaning once a competitor nears the top, the ladder will fall apart. Only one ladder is true. Whoever finds the true ladder and scales it, retrieving the Craze Championship will be the winner and the OCW Craze Champion!
~”Bad Bunny” by Radioactive Chicken Heads begins to play. Muffles appears, standing in between two temporary sets of stands, accompanied by the sound of guitar riffs and screeching. A bright orange baseball bat slung casually over his shoulder. He casually strolls toward the ring, looking at the nearest ladder. He taps his bat against it, it seems sturdy. He hops up onto the apron and pauses before grabbing the top rope and leaping into the ring. His feet land firmly atop the mat. He slings the bat over his shoulder and paces around the ring, ready for combat~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Bunnyman Bridge…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 236lbs…Muffles the Bunny!!!
Smith: Muffles with his first championship opportunity since joining OCW. I’d say he looks ready but, well, he always looks the same
Hood: His bat does appear oranger than usual
Smith: Probably has something to do with the sun. We are outdoors, after all
~"Shadow Boxing" by Parkway Drive hits! The crowd pops! We jump to a tent set up a few hundred yards away. It’s purple, of course. It’s got the letters ‘VIP’ on the tent flaps. The shot remains still until the flaps are thrust apart! Josie Barnes steps through to a huge ovation! Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail. She’s wearing purple ring attire. It shimmers in the Pacific sun. She’s giving the camera zero attention. Her eyes remain focused on the ‘arena’ she’s headed toward. While marching, she stretches her arms and shoulders, limbering up. She steps in between two of the temporary stands, entering into the ‘ring area’ to another massive pop. Barnes pauses, at the corner, near some steps. She looks at the ladder, it’s a purple ladder. Josie shakes her head, suppressing a smile before jogging up the steps and entering into the ring~
Belvedere: Introducing next, from Lilly, Georgia…standing 5’2 and weighing in at 118lbs…she is The Purple VIP…she is…Josie Barnes!!!
~Josie throws her arms into the air, acknowledging her introduction. The crowd erupts! Their cheers filter throughout the Pacific atmosphere. We hear the fans on the water go wild! Another “VIP” chant emerges as Josie’s music dies out. She keeps an eye on Muffles saying, “You better keep that bat to yourself.” The bunny responds by twirling the bat and pointing at Barnes~
Smith: A bit of competitive back and forth
Hood: Remember, Smith. Purple hates Orange
Smith: How have we somehow built toward that narrative? Why do you always get what you want?
Hood: It’s not that I wanted the epic Purple/Orange clash…it was inevitable. Purple and Orange cannot co-exist, Smith. They must go to WAR.
Belvedere: And…their opponent…
~”Rocket Man” by Elton John hits. The crowd sings along to the oh-so famous lyrics. We look around, attempting to spot the Craze Champion. People in the crowd lean forward, they lean back, they twist their necks here and there…looking for the champ~
Smith: I love this song!
Hood: Looks like Ed no showed. Figures
~Not so fast, Hood! Ed suddenly appears atop the Aircraft Carrier station. He’s got a JET PACK on his back! It’s crudely painted. There are bits of lime showing through the red paint job~
Smith: I think Ed borrowed or bought that from Meyhu…from when he used it on Survivor
Hood: Figures…always taking the REAL champions hand-me-downs
Smith: I just hope he’s careful…he could end his title defense chances before the match even begins!
Belvedere: From Miami, Florida…standing 5’9 and weighing in at 175lbs…he is the OCW Craze Champion…he is The Rocket Man…he is….
~Belvedere pauses when we see Ed TAKE OFF via the jet pack! He soars toward the crowd and the ‘ring area’. He seems to be going too fast. He starts to panic. The roaring crowd begins to scream! Ed way over shoots the ring area and disappears behind one of the temporary stands. Silence engulfs the crowd. Muffles leans over the top rope, patiently waiting. Barnes is seen mouthing the word ‘idiot’~
Smith: Oh no! Ed has crashed!
Hood: Typical
Smith: I hope he’s okay…it’s nothing but runway over there.
~A man with a high pitched voice suddenly yells out “THERE HE IS!” The crowd turns and sees Ed standing between two of the temporary stands. He’s sorta scuffed up…his hair is all out of place and there are black stains on his face and arm. He staggers into the ‘ring area’. Upon hearing the cheers…he pauses, looks around, forces a smile and throws his arm into the air~
Belvedere: Ed Houston!!!
~Ed walks toward the ring, wincing from time to time. He heads up the steps and pauses, looking at a ladder with “ROCKET MAN” painted on the sides. He nods and says “Good, strong looking ladder.” He hits the apron and steps through the ropes. He backs into a corner, looking over at Josie who is glaring a HOLE OF DEATH through him. Muffles, meanwhile, is simply leaning in his corner, swinging his bat around. Belvedere exits the ring. Scruff approaches Ed. Ed holds his hands up saying, “I’m fine, let’s go.” Scruff nods and points toward the time keeper. The bell rings…much to the crowd’s delight~
Smith: And here we go! We’ve got a Rocket Man Ladder…we’ve got a Purple Ladder…we’ve also got an orange ladder and a ladder with the word ‘Craze’ on it…which ladder will withstand enough weight to allow a competitor to reach the top?
Hood: Judging by what we just saw…DEFINITELY not the Rocket Man ladder
Smith: I have to concur
~Muffles charges at Josie! Barnes seems taken aback by this overt showing of aggression. Muffles has the bat in position to strike. He reaches Barnes and swings the bat at her head! Josie ducks and slides between the bunny’s legs. She gets to her feet and sprints for the ropes…she bounces off…Muffles turns around in time to get hit with a dropkick from Josie! Muffles staggers against the ropes. Ed flashes into the screen with a superkick!! Muffles drops the bat and bends over at the waist. Ed lifts a knee into the Bunny’s face!! This sends Muffles leaning back, over the top rope and crashing to the outside!! The bat rolls into the center of the ring~
Smith: Fast start in this one! Muffles trying a new tactic and, well, failing
Hood: It’s that rage…he saw purple and RAGED
Smith: I think he was just looking to get off to a fast start
Hood: That or…he’s rabid. Shit, you don’t think he’s rabid, do you?
Smith: No, Hood…I do not think he’s rabid
~With Muffles outside the ring, Josie and Ed are left standing, staring at one another. They both realize the bat is free. Barnes edges toward the bat…Ed follows suit…both suddenly dive for the orange weapon! The crowd is split on who they’d like to see obtain it. Houston reaches it first! But Josie thumbs him in the eye! Houston drops the bat and staggers back. Josie obtains the bat and heads for Ed. She swings the bat at Ed’s head…Houston ducks. Josie brings the bat down at his legs…Houston leaps into the air and flips over the top rope, landing on the apron! He takes a second to pose, proud of his athleticism. Josie uses this opening to jam the head of the bat into his abdomen!! Houston falls off the apron and lands on the padded surface surrounding the ring. Barnes holds the bat high in the air to a loud, ‘VIP’ chant~
Smith: And The Purple VIP has won the battle for the bat!
Hood: Great…and what’s her prize?
Smith: Pride?
Hood: Shitty prize
~Muffles reaches his feet, on the outside. Josie notices the giant rabbit ears. She turns around and slings the bat across the mat as hard as she can…it skirts across the surface, retaining its initial speed and SMACKS Muffles in the bunny head!! Muffles staggers to the side…Josie, on her feet, yells out! The crowd cheers in response! She charges for the ropes…she grabs onto the top rope, somersaults over, hooks her legs around Muffles’ head and drops him with a hurricanrana! The ‘ring area’ crowd goes wild!! Barnes returns to her feet, shaking her injured leg. She smiles, it appears to be in perfect shape~
Smith: Well if there were any questions as to the condition of that leg…it appears to be back to normal!
Hood: Steroids…drugs…growth hormones…TEST THAT WOMAN
Smith: Therapy and hard work…along with a great nutritional program, that’s the root of the recovery
Hood: Great nutritional program…AKA ROIDS
~Josie looks to her right – it’s the CRAZE ladder. She looks to her left and sees THE ROCKET MAN ladder. She throws her hand at that ladder in UTTER DISGUST and heads for the Craze ladder~
Smith: Given the way Ed entered into this match…avoiding his ladder may not be such a bad idea
Hood: OR…it could be reverse psychology…guy crashes and burns…but his ladder remains steady
Smith: Yes but that would mean OCW officials KNEW he was going to crash and burn. They are good at their jobs…but nobody is THAT good
Hood: Dude, he’s a NASA flunky…not like predicting he’d crash is all that difficult
~Josie snares the Craze ladder and turns around. As she does, her eyes widen. Houston is heading her way with the ROCKET MAN ladder. Josie braces…Ed swings his ladder at her…she meets it with the Craze ladder. They have sort of a ladder-type duel for a few seconds with the fans cheering each metal-on-metal clash. Josie throws her foot out, clipping Ed in the shin! She hoists the CRAZE ladder over her head and seeks to send it crashing onto Ed. Houston, however, takes his ladder and thrusts the top of it toward Josie, wedging the top in between a couple of the lower, wider rungs. Josie’s ladder is locked into position…she’s unable to move it. Ed thrusts his ladder up and rips the CRAZE ladder out of Josie’s hands. It flies through the air and lands several feet away. Josie looks at Ed, empty handed and wide eyed. Ed smiles…he swings his ladder around and smacks Josie in the hip!! Josie leans against the ring apron, holding her hip. Houston positions the ladder over his shoulder and he sprints forwards, slamming the top of the ladder into Josie’s face!! Barnes flies backward with her back SLAMMING into the top of the steps…she tumbles over her head, landing on the other side of the steps. The crowd nearby stands, trying to land a visual on the Purple VIP. A few boo Ed…but Houston doesn’t care. He slides his ROCKET MAN ladder into the ring~
Smith: Ed wins that battle…I hope Josie’s face is okay
Hood: You sliding in on Lukas’ woman?
Smith: NEVER
Hood: It’s about time you got over that weird ass Alice crush of yours. She’s a terrible influence, man
~Houston hops into the ring and lifts the ladder up. He carries it underneath the Craze Title. The fans grow eager, anxious. Muffles is standing near the apron, looking inside the ring. He remains motionless, observing what’s taking place. Houston sets the ladder up and grabs onto the side, making sure it’s sturdy~
Smith: Muffles could easily get in there and knock that ladder down
Hood: Yea but what if it’s the faulty ladder?
Smith: Exactly…if it is Ed will climb, near the top before falling to the mat. It would potentially take Ed out while eliminating one of the ladders from the equation. However…
Hood: If that ladder is true…Muffles is fucked
Smith: Indeed
~Ed slaps down on a few rungs before climbing. The ladder holds firm – this is enough to convince Ed to climb. He begins to ascend. Muffles has seen enough, he slides into the ring…unwilling to take the risk. Ed is about halfway up the ladder when Muffles reaches him…he yanks Ed off in a powerbomb position. Ed throws some right hands into the bunny’s head…they do not faze Muffles. So, Ed tries something more drastic…he attempts a hurricanrana…but Muffles holds on and adjusts his grip on Ed’s legs. Muffles begins to swing Ed around…he performs half a rotation before falling backwards and catapulting Ed into the corner! Houston skies through the air, over the buckles and post…he lands on the PURPLE VIP ladder! He scurries to the top, out of instinct. Upon standing at the top…he realizes something very important~
Smith: THAT’S THE LADDER!
Hood: Shit…does anyone else know?
Smith: Not yet, Muffles still has his…err, it’s back to Ed and Josie is still out
~Realizing what’s taken place, Ed leaps off the top of the ladder with a moonsault!! Muffles gets to his feet and turns around…he sees Ed headed his way and CATCHES Houston! The crowd gasps with amazement over the strength this bunny possesses. Muffles lawn darts Ed into the side of the ladder! His head SMACKS into the metal. Muffles then takes Ed and tosses him over the top rope, to the outside. He’s alone, in the ring, with the ROCKET MAN ladder~
Smith: Muffles doesn’t know that that’s NOT the ladder
Hood: Only Ed knows which ladder is true…CHAMPION’S ADVANTAGE
Smith: That is some powerful knowledge, for sure
~Muffles reaches up, grabbing a middle rung. He wiggles and presses on it about as hard as he’s able. The ladder remains intact. The bunny says ‘fuck it’ and starts to climb. The crowd is cheering for the man in the rabbit suit. A ‘MUFFLES’ chant rings out. The bunny gets about halfway up. We see Josie peeking up over the apron…there is a giant red welt on her forehead from the ladder shot. She sees Muffles halfway up. Josie rolls in under the bottom rope. She gets to her feet…Muffles nears the top…Josies reaches for him…but, before she can, the ladder begins to shake…Josie stops, taking a few steps back…Muffles realizes what’s happening and tries to lunge for the belt…but, he can’t. The ladder falls to pieces and Muffles lands flat on his ass in the ring among a pile of rubble. Barnes stands back, surveying the damage of Muffles and the faulty ROCKET MAN ladder~
Smith: And there goes the Rocket Man Ladder! Muffles had no way of knowing
Hood: Only Ed knows…the champion’s advantage!
Smith: You act like it was pre-planned
Hood: Maybe it was…
~Josie picks up a couple of loose rungs. Muffles staggers to his feet, feeling the effects from the fall. Josie walks up to Muffles and sandwiches his bunny head with both rungs!! Muffles staggers back, falling through the ropes. He lands on the apron and returns to his feet. Josie throws the rungs at him…the each hit him in the head, but he remains on the apron. Josie snares the frame of the ladder, kicking the loose rungs out of the way…she charges forward and smacks Muffles in the head with the frame! He goes flying off the apron landing roughly on the padding outside the ring. Josie tosses the frame out of the ring and kicks all the loose rungs out, clearing the mat. She then surveys the three ladders~
Smith: I want so bad to tell her it’s the Purple VIP ladder!
Hood: You keep your slutty mouth shut!
Smith: Excuse me?!
Hood: I’m just saying
~Josie heads toward the PURPLE VIP ladder. She looks out at the crowd, they remain silent. She takes that as a sign that it’s the incorrect ladder. She hops through the ropes and snares the CRAZE ladder. The crowd goes wild. Josie smiles and thanks them. She slides the ladder back into the ring and climbs up, onto the apron. Her hip appears to be fine~
Smith: What? What’s going on…the fans just tricked her!
Hood: This is a pro Ed crowd, Smith.
Smith: But she’s so hot right now
Hood: Too hot…bitch is about to flame out
~Josie enters the ring with the Craze Ladder. She starts to set it up. She looks at the Craze Title hanging above…it’s ripe for the picking. Josie licks her lips with excitement. She begins to climb. A fan – male, in purple jumps up yelling “DON’T DO IT MY LOVE!” Josie pauses, confused. The rest of the fans all yell “HE’S AN IDIOT!” So, Josie continues to climb. She confidently scales the ladder…there is hope in her eyes…THIS IS HER MOMENT. She nears the top…the ladder begins to shake…for the first time, doubt enters the equation. Josie looks around with an “et tu brute?” expression. The ladder crumbles…Josie lands HARD on the mat. The crowd goes WILD! Aside from that one guy in purple…purple velvet, I should add. Josie rolls around, moaning in pain~
Smith: Cloak and dagger…these fans, despicable!
Hood: They have turned on Barnes! It’s all about Ed Houston!
Smith: Disgusting…she’s fighting so hard and she gets this type of treatment?
Hood: Too bad, so sad
~Josie sits up, sore as hell – in more ways than one. She grows irate upon noticing the pieces of ladder scattered around. She stands and kicks them around, screaming at the fans. The fans start to boooooo. Josie flicks them off, furious that they’d trick her like that. This isn’t helping…it’s a full on heel turn. What started as a prank by the crowd has turned into a nasty scene. Josie slides out of the ring and grabs the orange bat. She walks over toward the PURPLE VIP ladder. She’s blind with rage. She rears back, about to beat the ladder to pieces~
Smith: This isn’t her story! This isn’t her narrative! They are ruining Josie Barnes…these idiotic fans!
Hood: They were just messing with her…but, yea, she’s taken it way too seriously
Smith: Oh yea, some great joke…make her fall on her butt. I’m sickened by these people
Hood: I’m sickened by her! She’s acting like she’s five!
~Houston suddenly rushes in. “Whoa, whoa, Josie!” Josie pauses, wondering what’s going on. Ed figures out he may have revealed his knowledge. “I mean, I’m just saying, you’re the Purple VIP. Do you really want to ruin that image? Think about it. Hand me the bat.” Josie’s eyes narrow…Ed’s eyes widen. Josie slings the bat into Ed’s guts! Houston doubles over, coughing. Josie cracks the bat over Ed’s back!! He rolls onto his back, arching it in pain. Barnes spits on Ed. The crowd yells out “FUCK YOU JOSIE!” She tells them all to “GO TO HELL”. Josie drops the bat and grabs her ladder. The crowd yells “NOT THAT ONE!” She ignores them – the trick won’t work this time. She hoists it over the top rope and begins to ascend the ring steps. Calmly, she enters into the ring through the ropes~
Smith: C’mon Purple VIP! Ignore these stupid fans…they’re probably all suffering from sea dementia or something! Win this thing!
Hood: Fuckin hell…I’m about to get sick like…never mind
Smith: Say it
Hood: No…me and that gypsy witch have NOTHING IN COMMON…never…never ever!
~Josie starts to climb the ladder among a chorus of boos. She’s halfway…the ladder is proving to be true. She nears the top. She reaches up, her nails graze against the title. Suddenly, the place goes wild! Muffles is standing in the ring with his orange bat. Josie looks down, stunned to see him. She scurries up, trying to reach the ladder in time. Too bad for her…Muffles slings the bat into her hip! Josie let’s out a horrific scream as her legs swing to the side, losing their grip and she falls from the top of the ladder all the way to the mat with a sickening thud. Muffles slings the bat over his shoulder and walks toward Josie, standing over her~
Smith: This is not good
Hood: About to see a Snuff Film!
Smith: Hey hey…easy now, don’t say things like that – especially with so much enthusiasm and glee
Hood: There’s only one person in this world who deserves death more than Josie Barnes
Smith: Pedo…
Hood: And that’s Alice Knight
Smith: Your priorities are all out of whack, you know that?
~Muffles begins to ruthlessly beat Josie with the bat. She screams and yells for help, but none is offered…her protector is suspended. After several vicious shots, Josie lies, motionless. Muffles snares her by the hair and lifts her up, over his head. The crowd is showing a bit of sympathy for Josie – I mean, nobody wants to see THIS. Muffles tosses Josie out of the ring…she flies over the protective matting and lands, roughly on the landing strip surface! She completes a few rotations before coming to rest on her back…her shoulders, elbows and forearms are all skinned and bleeding. She’s in bad, bad shape. Muffles drops the bat over the top rope and turns, staring at the ladder. This is HIS time~
Smith: We need medical out here. She’s hurt…she’s hurt bad
Hood: Nah man, she’s just working on her tan
Smith: Bee Ess! She’s in serious need of medical attention
Hood: How about that fuckin bunny, eh? Dude is a sick fuck, it appears
Smith: A ruthless beating with zero remorse shown. Disgusting
~Muffles starts to climb. Ed stands…the fans are clamoring for him to look into the ring. He does…he sees Muffles climbing toward HIS title. Houston hops onto the apron. He’s facing the back of Muffles. Muffles is nearing the top. Ed leaps up and springboards off the top rope toward Muffles…he reaches the bunny, yanks him down and they come crashing to the mat with a Back Stabber!!!! Muffles writhes around the ring in pain! The crowd is going wild. Ed is on his back, laid out from being crushed under the bunny’s weight~
Smith: Tremendous move by the high flyer Ed Houston!
Hood: Yea…but now he’s flatter than Gwyneth Paltrow’s chest
Smith: That’s rude! She’s extremely attractive
Hood: Oh, yea, stand up for her…I’m sure she’ll hear about it and come running into your twiggy arms
~Muffles gets to his feet (paws?) first. Not surprising given how hard Ed landed. He looks at the ladder and then at Ed…the bunny does the math…the likelihood of Muffles reaching the title before Ed gets up is slim to none. So, he grabs ROCKETMAN by his hair and yanks him to his feet. He spots the nearest corner…it’s the corner with the MUFFLES ladder…he tosses Ed over the corner, ring post and all! Houston flips over, his lower back slams into the ladder, taking it down. Ed’s ass lands on top of the ladder on the outside in a tremendous crash!! The crowd winces and lets out an “ooooohhhh” because, ya know, it didn’t look good. Muffles relaxes in the corner for a moment, staring at the Purple VIP ladder~
Smith: That is one strong rabbit
Hood: Ed’s always crashing…you notice that? Always
Smith: That wasn’t, technically his fault
Hood: You sound just like a local airline pilot, you know that? Definitely not NASA material
~Muffles finally decides it’s time to claim his prize. He heads over toward the ladder. He reaches the ladder and looks up…he moves the ladder back and forth, side to side…getting it just right. The crowd is antsy…they want him to hurrrry up. Someone yells out “SHE’S MOVING!” We cut to see Josie Barnes crawling across the unforgiving carrier surface. She reaches the safe padding and drags her beaten, scratched, torn, battered body onto the padding and continues toward the ring. We see skinny trails of blood left behind from the various wounds caused by her terrible fall moments earlier. Muffles isn’t paying attention…he’s got his sights set on the Craze Title. He starts the climb~
Smith: She’s coming back! Come on, Josie!
Hood: Just when you think she’s dead and gone…here she comes, waltzing back into your life
Smith: C’mon PURP! You can do it!
~Josie reaches the ring. She gets to all fours and snares the cloth hanging from the apron. She pulls herself up, onto her knees. She gets to one knee…she’s slowly rising. She gets to her feet and the crowd gives her a nice ovation, turning once again. They admire her toughness. Out of nowhere comes a foot, superkicking Josie in the face!! Her body flies to the side, slamming into the steel steps!! The crowd groans…but starts to cheer when they see ED! Houston hobbles around on the outside. He spots Muffles halfway up the ladder…he moves with urgency. He grabs the MUFFLES ladder he fell on earlier and tosses it into the ring. Ed slides in under the bottom rope. Muffles stops climbing (big mistake) and looks down to see what’s going on. Ed lifts up the Muffles ladder and hoists it over his shoulder. He charges forward and takes out the left leg of Muffles!! Houston turns around and charges back…taking out the right leg of Muffles!! The bunny is hanging from the second highest run, his feet swaying to and fro. Houston drops the MUFFLES ladder underneath the bunny’s swinging legs. He steps onto the ladder, grabs the bunny’s legs and hooks them in the Wheel Barrow position…he yanks Muffles off the ladder and drops him, face first into the MUFFLES ladder with a Wheel Barrow positioned powerbimb!! The crowd goes wild!! Muffles hits the ladder hard and rolls around in pain. Ed grabs the back of his knees as they took the brunt of the fall on the edge of the orange MUFFLES ladder~
Smith: Ed Houston back in control…not a big fan of what he did to Josie but, I guess you do what you gotta do
Hood: These fans are bipolar, seriously…now they are clapping for her?
Smith: I think they are just admiring her fighting spirit
Hood: WEAK ASS FANS
~Houston sits up in the corner, kicking the MUFFLES ladder and the individual it’s named after away. He rubs the back of his legs. Something catches his eye…he turns his head and sees Josie on the apron, slowly rolling back into the ring. Houston shakes his head, frustrated with her inability to quit. He gets to his feet and goes after her. Josie is on her hands and knees, gasping for air…blood drops from various parts of her body…she appears broken. Ed reaches Josie and pauses…once he does, Josie reaches up and low blows Ed!!! The crowd groans! Ed falls to his knees and rolls out of the ring. Barnes reaches for the ropes, pulling herself up. She falls back into the nearest corner, leaning against it for support. She locates Muffles, who is slowly getting back to his feet~
Smith: And now Josie has a shot! She’s back in it!
Hood: She just hit Ed in the dick! What a bitch!
Smith: He kicked her in the face!
Hood: Yea, but still…the dick, man…the dick!
~Josie stands upright and goes after the bunny. She reaches up and claws at the eyes of Muffles. Muffles tries to pull her away…but he can’t…Josie rips out his eyes! Muffles stumbles around, unable to see! The crowd doesn’t quite know how to react. Josie tosses his eyes out of the ring and kicks Muffles in the gut before dropping him with a Twist of Fate. Muffles rolls onto the apron, where he remains laying. Josie looks at the Purple VIP ladder and starts to climb~
Smith: She’s blinded Muffles!
Hood: Oh so that’s who you want to root for, huh? A woman who rips people’s eyes out!
Smith: They aren’t REAL eyes
Hood: Can he see? Answer me…can he see?
Smith: Well, I mean, it doesn’t appear so, no
~Barnes is halfway up the ladder. Ed pops up on the outside…his groin seems to be okay. Houston hurries up the steps. He hops onto the top buckle. Barnes is nearing the top. The side of the ladder is facing Houston. He scales the top rope, displaying tremendous agility…he springboards off and latches onto the ladder. He scurries up the opposite side of Barnes…he meets her at the top. Josie appears extremely frustrated…she goes for his eyes…Ed smacks her hands away and gives her a forearm to the side of the head. Josie responds with a head butt. They go back and forth with the ladder teetering from one side to the other. Barnes finally thumbs Ed in the eye to gain the advantage…she grabs him by the hair and tries to throw him off…but he holds onto the ladder…the ladder teeters…it starts to go over…the crowd leaps to their feet…the ladder tips over, toward the ropes! Both competitors fly off the ladder, landing on the edge of the safe padding before rolling onto the unforgiving carrier surface. The ladder itself flips over the top rope landing on the outside…the crowd chants “HOLY SHIT”~
Smith: What a terrible fall! I honestly don’t know how Josie is still in this…she’s taken so much punishment
Hood: She’s probably all coked up
Smith: How dare you talk about her in that fashion!
~Muffles rises! The crowd goes wild! Muffles staggers around the ring, all alone. His feet kick the MUFFLES ladder. He stops and reaches down, feeling around. His hands locate the ladder. He picks it up and opens the ladder, placing it on the mat. He walks around, feeling around…finding the center of the ring…he positions the ladder in a surprisingly accurate location. He then starts to climb~
Smith: He’s blind! He has no idea that’s the bad ladder!
Hood: Man, it must be tough being blind
Smith: Ya think?
~Muffles reaches the top…the fans are yelling at him to get down. It’s too late…the ladder shakes and crumbles, sending the bunny to the mat! We cut outside where Ed is crawling near the ring…he looks up over the apron to see Muffles and the rubble. He reaches for the PURPLE VIP ladder. He snares the top of the ladder and tries to throw it into the ring…Josie, however, has a firm grip on the bottom. Ed gets annoyed and pulls as hard as he can yanking it from her…he slides it into the ring and slides in after it. Houston, in the ring…kicks most of the debris away. He grabs Muffles by the ears and tosses him over the top rope. Ed then sets up the final ladder under the Craze Title and looks up…the crowd chants ‘YES! YES!’ Ed begins the climb~
Smith: Can Ed get there before Josie stops him?
Hood: I hope so
Smith: She’s so resilient…near impossible to keep down
Hood: I know, it’s awful
~Houston is halfway up the ladder. Barnes slides in. She’s still bleeding from her wounds but adrenaline is masking the pain. She gets to her feet and shakes the ladder…this pauses Ed’s ascension. Josie bends over and grabs a rung from the MUFFLES ladder. She climbs the side opposite of Ed. The crowd rises with anticipation. Ed continues his ascension. Houston reaches near the top…his fingers graze the title. Barnes meets him and SMACKS him in the side of the head with the rung! Ed is dazed…he nearly falls off the ladder. Josie tries to hit him again…but Ed blocks the shot, sending the rung flying from her hand, out of the ring. Houston, however, remains shook~
Smith: Ed’s on the verge of collapse…I think this is it!
Hood: Son of a WHORE
Smith: C’mon, Josie…finish him off!
Hood: I didn’t know they showed that kinda stuff on STARZ
Smith: You’ve been spending too much time with John E Depth
~Josie has an idea. She grabs Ed’s arms in a ripcord hold~
Smith: It’s the new Josie! We’ve seen her use other people’s finishers against them…it appears she’s going for Muffles’ finisher IL TAV ID!
Hood: A liar AND a thief…she’s terrible!
Smith: She’s about to become a champion
~Barnes lunges forward with her knee, looking to hit IL TAV ID. Ed, however, ducks! Josie flips over Houston…she grabs his waist and hangs on, looking for a powerbomb. Houston latches onto the top of the ladder for leverage. It’s a losing battle. So, Ed lets go, brings his knees up, grabs Josie’s head and takes her down with him hitting her with a CODEBREAKER off the ladder!!! The crowd goes wild!! Josie is out!!~
Smith: That’s The Barnes Experience! Ed just hit Josie with her OWN move
Hood: Haha! Turnabout is fair play! Eat that, Bitch!
Smith: Poor Josie…poor, poor Josie
~Muffles is out. Josie is out. Ed gets to his feet. His back hurts…his knees hurt…his whole body hurts. But, he’s not going to waste any fucking time. He climbs the ladder as fast as he can. He reaches the top and looks around…everybody is still down. The crowd, anxious, yells “JUST GRAB THE FUCKING BELT ALREADY!” Houston takes their advice…he reaches up, unhooks the Craze Title and leans over the top of the ladder, exhausted. The bell rings…the crowd goes wild!~
Belvedere: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…AND STILL OCW CRAZE CHAMPION…ED HOUSTON!!!!!
Smith: Ed Houston did it! He retained his championship!
Hood: Fuckin hell! I’m not fan of a high school dropout…but the guy earned it
Smith: He’s a NASA drop out…or flunk out…or…ya know what, it doesn’t matter…you have to go through a lot of school, successfully, to get into NASA. I’m sure he ACED High School
Hood: If you say so
Smith: Tremendous match from our champion…he earned that win. Josie and Muffles…well they did as good as they could but, sadly, it wasn’t enough. For Josie…this is the second time she’s failed to defeat Ed.
Hood: She might need a new color scheme
Smith: Yea, right. Well, folks...we've got a big announcement to make...I alluded toward it earlier with the Zolton announcement. So, sit in the dark no further...the Margarita Mix is returning!
Hood: Well, that's it, then. It's been fun, 2018! See ya next year!
Smith: Hold on, hold on...this year's format is much different. It will consist of 8 tag teams...single elimination. The winning team will be given the option of facing one another for an OCW Title shot or being handed the OCW Tag Titles.
Hood: But we don't have a tag division
Smith: We will if the winning team chooses the tag route. They will be seen as the leaders of the tag division, the two competitors responsible for it's renaissance
Hood: Hmm, well, sounds interesting enough.
Smith: The tournament will last from August 13th until September 10th. September 10th the winning team will either face each other in a #1 contenders match OR they will defend their Tag Team Titles at Mayhem on the Midway.
Hood: Wow, this sounds light years better than last year's shitshow
Smith: Haha, indeed!
~"DOWN" by Otep plays over the house P/A as the crowd boos uproariously. Out steps a still ring dressed and ready Julliet Brooks with Referee Gruff right behind her and a microphone in hand. She marches down to ringside, putting up a hand to the worst offenders screaming at her from the left. The ref follows her up the ring steps and she steps aside, ordering him to hold open the ropes for her. Gruff takes a seat and allows Julliet entree and the moment she's in the ring, she motions for her music to be killed and begins. Behind her, the referee enters.~
Brooks: Two things you do not do in this business. Disrespect your betters and keep me from my money! I have brought a referee with me to agree to start my match here and now and if Melinda Rhodes cannot drag herself out of the sick bay, then she forfeits the match due to a no-show, meaning I will get my pay one way or another! Referee Gruff, ring the bell and start the count!
Smith: Surely she can't be serious
Hood: She is serious and don't call me Shirley damnit! How many times do I have to tell you that Smith!
~Gruff motions for the bell.~
*DING DING DING!*
Smith: This is absolutely ridiculous! Julliet Brooks has lost her mind!
Hood: She's standing in that ring like "Bitch betta' gimme' my money!"
~The seconds tick down as the crowd gets more and more irate. Finally Brooks shouts at Gruff.~
Brooks: START COUNTING THAT PUTA OUT, OLD MAN!!!
~He nods and waves his hands at her, then starts counting.~
OOOOOONNNNNEEEE!!!!
TTTTTTWWWWOOOOO!!!!
TTTTHHHHRRRREEEE!!!
FFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR!!!!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVEEEEE!!!
SSSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXX!!!!
SSSSSEEEVVVVV-
~Julliet Brooks' eyes widen in shock and the referee stops counting as the crowd ERUPTS! Stepping Through those curtains in full ring gear with her forehead wrapped in bandages, an EVIL scowl on her face, and a bright red aluminum baseball bat is none other than "The Rebel" Melinda Rhodes, who points her bat directly at the ring. In almost panicky fashion, Julliet shouts at the referee!~
Brooks: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GRUFF?! GET YOUR THUMB OUT OF YOUR CULO AND START COUNTING!!!!
~Immediately and with no further words, Rhodes BURSTS down to ringside with furious speed!~
Hood: HERE SHE COMES, BITCH!!!!
Grudge Match
Hardcore Falls Count Anywhere
"The Pride of New Mexico" Julliet Brooks (7-7) vs. "The Rebel" Melinda Rhodes (3-2)
~ Rebel slides into the ring. Julliet doesn't back down just up as the Rebel slides under the ropes. Rhodes leaps to her feet as Julliet advances and catches her arms as she goes to swing the baseball bat. Rhodes catches her with a gut kick and a shoulder ram to drive her back. Brooks falls back from the violent impact and back rolls out of the ring!~
Smith: Rebel is furious and who can blame her!
Hood: She’s got that Marcus Welsh blood in her…and, who knows, when looking at Brooks she might be seeing Zybala!
Smith: Please, it’s 2018…let’s keep the match on the women, alright?
Hood: Hey, I’m just saying…but, yea, Rhodes has made a miraculous comeback and the cakewalk victory for Brooks is suddenly up in the air
~Rhodes backs up and bursts towards the ropes, leaping up and through them with a suicide dive that knocks both women to the floor. The bat falls out of Mel's hand, clattering off somewhere, but she doesn't waste anytime going after it. Instead she's on her feet gathering up Julliet who unfurls a blistering paint brush slap to Mel's face that rocks her head to one side in a wild whip of black hair followed by a forearm shot to the chest rocking her back into the apron.
Smith: I know Melinda is full of adrenaline fueled anger…but she might be biting off more than she can chew
Hood: One stiff shot to that head and, well, Welsh is gonna have to dish out more blood
Smith: I’m just saying Julliet is tough for a healthy competitor…let alone someone who was in critical condition earlier today
Hood: The good news for Melinda…I don’t see any light tubes
~Rhodes shoots off the apron and assumes a boxing stance with a slight bounce in her steps as Brooks comes at her with a flurry of rapid punches. Rebel ducks and weaves with ease, showing great control and fast reflexes. Her forearm rises to block a shot and she checks Brooks with a body shot, followed by a snap jab and a hard right hand that sends Brooks staggering and even dropping down to one knee. She hops back and then drops with a low orbit dropkick right to the side of Julliet's head, rolling the Pride of Mexico flat on her back, clutching at her face and kicking her legs~
Smith: Rhodes keeping things in her corner, figuratively. She’s controlling the match…preventing Julliet from getting too close to her wounds
Hood: She’s looking like a long haired Mack O’Connor with those punches
Smith: They can both box, yes
~Gathering her by her hair, Melinda walks the stunned Brooks over to a nearby table which features the time keeper. It’s set upon the padding around the ring, near the edge. Brooks slings her face right into the table, prompting an agonized look of pain. As Melinda pulls her back, Julliet grabs a monitor off the table and slams it right into Melinda's face. The Rebel's head whips to the side and both women fall to the floor in a heap~
Smith: Oh no!! All it could take is one shot like that and Rhodes is done
Hood: Too risky…she should just pack it in and prepare for her rematch
Smith: For once, we agree
Hood: That or say fuck it, like she’s doing, and become a LEGEND
~Julliet is the first to her feet with a bit of a stumble. She then turns and hurls a full force kick into the Rebel's gut, followed by several hard stomps across her hated foe's body! With each stomp, Melinda tries to get up, only to get driven back down. It would take her suddenly rolling to one side while sweeping Julliet's legs out from under! Brooks falls to her back and then rolls to her feet as the Rebel kips to a stand and fires off a Savate kick, but The Pride of Mexico catches the foot!~
Smith: Ah man! Every time Rebel gets some momentum Brooks is there to stop her.
Hood: I think we can all admit this ‘sweet’ act of Julliet’s is just that…in reality she’s a savage bitch looking to destroy, demolish, and devour her opponents
Smith: She does have a mean streak, I’ll admit that
~She twists the foot, but the Rebel flips with it and drives her other foot right into the side of Julliet's head with a solid Enziguri kick. Brooks falls to the side and drapes herself on the Apron, clutching her face! The Rebel hops to her feet, grabs Julliet by the head and runs her face first into the steel post, then drags her away from the ring area, toward the fan area and violently hurls her into the barricade where she proceeds to violently stomp and kick the woman while she's down~
Rebel: IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?! HUH BITCH?!!! FUCK YOU!!!
~After several stomps, Mel lifts Brooks by her arm and sends her for a whip straight into the ring steps with enough force to dislodge them and leave her in a bruised and agonized heap. The Rebel grabs a studio camera straight from the shoulder of one of the Camera men and readies it as Julliet slowly gets to her feet with a grimace. She rushes at her and brings the camera crashing right into the top of Julliet's head. Brooks goes down, clutching at her skull and kicking her legs in pain. Melinda then bashes her repeatedly with the camera against her back, pure rage and adrenaline taking over!~
Smith: Wow…Rhodes is possessed. I’m starting to think Julliet is the one at a disadvantage in this surprising scenario
Hood: Maybe Knife Man gave her some wicked drugs…
Smith: IT’S ALWAYS DRUGS WITH YOU
~The Rebel breathes heavy but steady while standing over Julliet as she crawls away to try and regroup. Melinda tosses the ruined camera aside and gathers Julliet up, then lifts her onto standing headscissor and points to the dislodged ringsteps.~
Smith: Melinda is trying to let Julliet know how it feels with a busted, swishy head!
Hood: You just know Welsh is back there PRAYING Julliet isn’t his blood type
Smith: Why’s that? I think he’s rather fond of Miss Brooks
Hood: Because, a man only has so much blood, ya know?
~She then whips Brooks onto her shoulders and gets a running start for a powerbomb, only for Brooks to twist and flip back, hurling Melinda off her feet with a Hurricanrana reversal that sees her landing shoulders and upper back first on the ring steps! The Rebel lets out a roar of pain, her feet hitting the other side and leaving her arched painfully on the steel before sliding to the floor.~
Smith: Brooks with the reversal!
Hood: Ah shit…the tide is turning…out here in the Pacific! Holy shit!
Smith: That’s the thing with Rhodes…just one punch, one kick, one impact in the right spot and it’s…it’s all over
~Brooks gets to her feet with a sway, stumbling and staggering. There's a small bit of blood trickling from her nose and the corner of her lip, yet the look in her eye is one of pure, pain fueled rage!~
Smith: I don’t like that look in her eye.
Hood: I’ve only seen that look in her eye on two previous occasions…and they both involved light tubes
~Julliet shoves off of the apron and walks over to the ring steps. Gathering the heavy steal she measures the back of The Rebel's head as she slowly starts to get up, then gets a running start and cracks her skull with a loud FWAPANG that drives the Rebel right back down. Brooks then lifts the steps up and throws them down on her foe's back with enough force that the heavy steel bounces on impact! Rhodes cries out with a growl, clutching at her shoulder and rolling onto her side as it had taken the brunt of the impact~
Smith: Okay, we might need to stop this match. That was a nice rush of adrenaline and a really patriotic effort
Hood: Patriotic?
Smith: Sorry, the location swept me off my feet. Ahem…a very valiant effort by Melinda but I think cooler heads need to prevail. Let’s all preserve so we can fight another day!
~Brooks then gathers up the cord of the trashed camera and moves in quickly, wrapping it around the Rebel's throat and bringing her up to her knees while strangling her violently.
Brooks: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED AND MORE, REBEL! YOU ON YOUR KNEES AND CHOKING LIKE YOU DO ON WELSH'S DICK!!!
~Rebel undulated, her hands gripping at the cord around her neck, trying to pull it away as Julliet tightened the cord more and more. Melinda bends forward, forcing Julliet to bend with her until suddenly she jacks her head back and smashes Julliet right in the nose with a soft crunch of cartilage as her reward. Brooks snaps back with a few steps, tripping over the ring steps behind her and falling back, her head smashing against the unprotected carrier surface a loud CLACK and nearly knocking her out then and there!~
Smith: Julliet found the ‘extreme’ area of our setup. Unfortunately, it was unforeseen, unprotected and, well, unrivaled in terms of pain
Hood: Uhh, sure
Smith: I mean there’s quite a bit of padding out there…but it doesn’t take much…five or six feet before someone stumbles onto the unforgiving surface of this Aircraft Carrier
~Rhodes falls forward, yanking the cord from her neck and coughing, trying to suck in as much as as she can. Behind her, Julliet, held onto her now bleeding nose, the lower half of her face and upper portion of her chest covered in blood from her possibly broken nose! Mel pulls herself up with the apron as Brooks struggles to her feet. Julliet explodes with a snarl and the Rebel looks over her shoulder, sees her, and side steps, catching her and driving her chest right into the apron. Brooks staggers back, clutching at her chest with a winded gasp.~
Smith: Rhodes has been a step quick thus far. I’m really surprised she’s still in this
Hood: Well Julliet just did bang the fuck out of the back of her head on that hard ass surface. She might not be seeing or thinking clearly
Smith: True
~Thinking fast, Rhodes pulls herself onto the apron with the ropes, then leaps onto the second rope, then the top rope and moonsaults off with an impressive arc, crashing down on the standing Brooks and driving her to the floor. Rhodes leaps to her feet with a loud Rebel Yell, the fans immediately yelling right with her!~
Rebel/Crowd: AAAWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!
~As Julliet starts to get up, the Rebel catches her by the back of her top and hurls her away from the ring, onto the concrete surface, Brooks stumbling and falling down all over the unforgiving pavement!!!~
Smith: Oh no…this is where it gets nasty
Hood: Shit’s been nasty
Smith: Okay, nastier
~Melinda smirks as she passes a fan in the front row holding up a sign that says, "I CAME HERE TO SEE THE MEGALODON!!!" She pulls Julliet to her feet and gets a spray of blood spit right into her eyes. Momentarily blinded, Julliet kicked Rhodes in the gut and pulls her into a front facelock, then lifts her up with a fast and dirty Snap Suplex on the pavement that didn't feel all that good for either of them, Rhodes especially, however. Julliet sits up with a wince, holding a hand to the small of her back while the Rebel arches her back and growls in pain.~
Smith: Sometimes these wrestlers get so caught up in the match they forget their surroundings
Hood: ALWAYS MIND YOUR SURROUNDINGS
Smith: It is wise advice
~Julliet gets to her feet first, then gathers the Rebel by one leg and drags her toward into the stands, up the stairs, toward the top row. Fans disperse, giving them room. It's there that Mel shoves Brooks back with the other foot, then kips to her feet. She blocks a shot from a quick recovering Julliet and catches her with a throat punch, then hooks her arm and Judo Tosses her straight onto the corrugated steel seating! Julliet lets out a hiss, sitting up with an arm held clawlike as her bloodied face contorts in agony. Melinda wastes no time adding injury to insult by kicking her hard with a spinal tap kick, Julliet arching her back. The Rebel pulls her into a reverse DDT and just as she's about to fall back, Julliet kicks her legs up and slips onto Rhodes shoulder, hooking her into an inverted facelock!~
Smith: Great back and forth action as these two competitors have taken the match into one of the fan stands. These fans are getting more than they bargained for!
Hood: This is the type of shit you see happen on a ramp or the stage…but there is no ramp or stage at this venue…CLASSIC OCW, BABY
~Just as Julliet starts to drop, the Rebel grips the back of Julliet's head with a free arm and flips herself, driving her knee right into Brook's skull and forcing her to let Mel drop to the steel seating as her foe staggers back, spins around, and falls to her knees! Rhodes rolls to her feet, crouching low as Julliet gets to her feet, clutching at her forehead. She turns around and the Rebel bolts forward with a flying tackle, ramming her shoulder into Julliet's gut with enough force that both women fly through the Plexiglas surrounding the stands and onto the unpadded tarmac of the Aircraft Carrier!
Smith: RHODES KILL OFF THE STAGE!!! RHODES MAY HAVE JUST SPLIT BROOKS IN HALF!!!
~It takes a moment for Referee Gruff to safely hustle over where we see Brooks on her back with Rhodes laying on top of her, Brooks seemingly out of it and staring up with glassy eyes while Rhodes pants for breath. The Rebel shifts herself and hooks the leg of the Pride of Mexico. Gruff moves around and after checking the shoulders, goes for the count!~
ONE!!!
TTTWWOOO!!!!
TTTHHRRR-KICKOUT!!!
Smith: What a terrible fall! Yet…somehow Julliet was able to kick out
Hood: Being from New Mexico, I’m sure Brooks has seen some shit
Smith: And?
Hood: And it’s made her tough to keep down for a full three seconds
~With a sudden sucking of breath, Julliet came to life, throwing a shoulder up and letting out groaning, crooning coughs. Not even letting that faze her, the Rebel rises, pulling Brooks with her and half walks, half drags her around the stands to the staging area. The Camera view shifts where we see Melinda sling Julliet through the open hatch door of the command tower where Brooks almost flips over the stair well. The Rebel is right behind her in a flash, grabbing her legs and finishing the job, Julliet going up and over with a wild scream that came to a sudden and abrupt stop as her skull bounced off a hard metal step and she found herself tumbling down the stairs onto the second level, her head thudding into a closed hatch door!~
Smith: Oh no! We need help out there!
Hood: Turnabout is fair play, Smith
Smith: Yes but this, this is too far!
~The Rebel stands at the top of the stairs, watching Julliet get to her feet amazingly. With her gloved hands, she grips the rails and slides right down on her palms, building up speed quickly and ramming a single foot right into Julliet's chest, rocking her back against the hatch! As Julliet bounces off the closed hatch and stumbles forward to fall to the floor the Rebel strolls over to her and locks on a sleeper hold, then proceeds to walk her down the second set of stairs towards the engineering level.~
Rebel: By the way, bitch.... nobody steals my shit and my little girl? YOU NEVER SPEAK OF HER!
~She then slings Julliet face first into the nearest wall with a violent SMACK, leaving a small spatter of blood from her still bleeding nose, followed by a streak as she falls to the floor! Seeing an open hatch, Julliet starts to crawl through it and the Rebel lets her, seeing that it leads to the Auditorium which was closer and more convenient than the ship's mess hall for OCW's catering~
Smith: I think they might fight throughout every available space aboard this aircraft carrier
Hood: That or die trying
Smith: The latter alternative frightens me
~The scene cuts to to the catering area where we see Tony the Spider shoving sandwich meat down his pants when suddenly the double doors explode open with Julliet Brooks stumbling forward and falling towards the main table loaded with warm food in a variety of tins. Tony quickly beats feet of the room as the Rebel moves in behind Julliet. Suddenly Brooks grips a metal pan and swings it at Mel's face, sending a metric ton of steamed rice flying everywhere as the pan warped around the Rebel's head from impact, dropping her to one knee!~
Smith: And there goes the rice!
Hood: Considering she’s been on Survivor TWICE…you’d think Julliet would understand the importance of rice
Smith: I think the third place finish still burns
Hood: True…fuck that rice!
~With Rhodes stunned, Brooks hops back and then rushes forward with a Shining Wizard right to the Rebel's forehead, snapping her head back and sending her straight to the floor. It was then that we notice a small red splotch forming underneath the bandages around the Rebel's head right at her temple. Brooks quickly falls across her for a pinfall!~
ONE!!!
TTTTWWWWOOO!!!!
TTTTHHHRRRR-KICKOUT!!!
~The Rebel somehow throws a shoulder up, much to Brook's consternation. She gathers Mel up, knees her in the gut and then scoops her onto one shoulder, gets a running start with a roar and leaps forward slamming her through the catering table. Heaps of frosted pasteries, meats, and other foods quickly glob onto the two of them. However it becomes quickly clear that Julliet hit her head on one of the pans, rolling off of Mel's body in the wreckage and clutching at her head. Valuable time is wasted until finally she drops an arm over the Rebel!~
ONE!!!
TTTTWWWOOO!!!
TTTTTHHHRRRE-KICKOUT!!!
Smith: Tremendous fighting spirit shown by Rhodes as she kicked out of TWO dangerous pinning predicaments
Hood: Yea but that head wound is starting to bleed
Smith: The worst possible scenario is beginning to play out for Rhodes right before our very eyes
~The Rebel manages to throw a shoulder up and shoves Brooks off of her. With a snarl, she rises up, pulling Mel to a stand and then going for an Irish whip but the Rebel reverses only for Julliet to double reverse and send Rebel sprinting into a table, neatly draping herself over it! Brooks rushes in and knees Mel in the side, then pulls her in to a standing headscissor, pointing at the table while shouting.~
Brooks: LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN TAKE TWO RHHHOAAAWWWHHH!!!!!!
~The Rebel suddenly stands up and backdrops Brooks through the table with a loud and juicy crunch of wood breaking against human back. Mel stumbles forward and falls to one knee, clutching at her head as the bandage steadily gets darker and redder, a single rivulet of blood running down the side of her face. She then rises, turns and falls across Brooks for a pinfall.~
OOOONNNEEE!!!
TTTWWWWOOO!!!
TTTHHHHHHRRRRRRE-KICKOUT!!!
Smith: There's still plenty of fight left in both of these women!
Hood: Rebel and JB are tough as FUCK!
~The Rebel rises from the wreckage, pulling Julliet with her and gripping the back of her head. Together they walk to another set of tables side by side, kicking the long bench before it out of the way and slamming Julliet's face into the table. Brooks slumps, panting for breath as the Rebel then grabs a folding chair and brutally smacks it across Julliet's ass, getting a loud YELP from Brooks as she stands straight up. She immediately follows up with a brutal, chair warping shot to the back of Julliet's head, dropping her on the table.~
Smith: I’m no fan of this sort of violence…but I do admire the fight in both women.
Hood: Fuck yea…and I LOVE the violence. This is what an OCW PPV event is all about!
Smith: It has become the standard, yes
~Rebel tosses the wrecked chair aside, blood now seeping from the back of Julliet's head as the chair delivered a fresh split to her foe. Melinda climbs onto the table and pulls Julliet up on shaky legs and right into a 3/4th's necklock! Just as she's about to deliver a potent Shot in the Dark, however, Julliet suddenly comes to life and launches the Rebel towards the other table. Melinda lets out a sharp cry as she goes ass first through that table with a loud crunch of wood. Julliet, meanwhile nearly collapses, but then regains her composure and takes a moment to survey the damage. Then suddenly she leaps off the table towards the Rebel for a body splash and pin!~
ONE!!!!
TTTTWWWWOOO!!!
TTTTHHRR-KICKOUT!!!
Smith: Rhodes barely kicked out! My goodness!
Hood: Holy shit I thought that was it!
~The Rebel throws her shoulder up and Julliet immediately looses her cool with a loud shriek, yanking at her wrecked dark brunette hair!~
Brooks: JJJUUUSSSTTT DDDDDIIIIEEE AAALLLLRRREEEAAADDYYY!!!
~She then rips the bandage from the still stunned Rebel's head and proceeds to batter, punch and claw at the seeping stitches right at the Rebel's hairline, Rhodes thrashing with each blow and punch until the pain snaps her out of it. She grabs a clawing hand, painfully twists at the wrist and bites down as hard as she can, drawing blood from her foe which leads to Julliet shrieking and fighting to pull her hand away. As she does so the Rebel's free hand comes into play, cracking her right in the temple with a devastating right hand that rocks Julliet back, releasing her bitten hand as she does so.~
Smith: Rhodes doing whatever she can to survive in this one!
Hood: She’s a biter!
Smith: I’d say she’s a survivor!
~The Rebel rises to a seat, touching at the blood now flowing from the freshly opened wound in her head. It wasn't bad, yet, but it threatened to impede her vision as it ran down the side of her face in small, thin runnels that dripped from her jaw and chin, creating a bit of a bloody spider web effect upon her face. She spit her foes blood from her mouth.~
Smith: Rhodes needs to be careful…she needs to protect that wound before it gets any worse
Hood: Haha, yea, right
~Julliet rolls onto her knees, clutching her wrist as if it were broken, seemingly not noticing the bloody teeth marks in her hand and mostly just dazed by the hard and well trained punch that hit her. The Rebel gathers her up by her hair, drills her with a knee shot, then lifts her up on her shoulder and drops her through the other table with THE WILD RIDE Spinout Powerbomb!!! The table gives explosively with a crackle and crunch!~
Smith: Through the table!
Hood: Which is, shockingly, about the safest place they’ve landed this entire match
Smith: Indeed!
~The Rebel rises with a whoop and a holler only to suddenly find herself dizzy and dropping to one knee. Referee Gruff rushes and bends down to address the kneeling Rhodes, fearing that all the blows to her head may have finally started to take it's toll.~
Gruff: REBEL!!! Are you ok? Can you continue the fight?!
~Melinda grips his shirt as if to keep from completely falling over, then takes a few deep breaths and shakes her head.~
Rebel: THAT BITCH.... is not.... getting off... this easy.... FUCK YEAH I CAN FIGHT!!!
~She then uses the Referee a bit to get to her feet, then walks over to Julliet, grabbing both of her legs and pulling her out of the table wreckage. From somewhere unseen, Brook managed to grab a fork, sits up, and stabs the Rebel right in her exposed midriff with the fork and then shoves her back with a kick while yanking the fork out of her.~
Rebel: FFFUCK! STABBED AGAIN?! GODDAMNIT!!!
~Only a little blood seeped from the wound, but it made it no less aggravating to the Rebel. She looks up from the wound in time to block an attempted stab to the eye with the Fork and send it flying out of Julliet's hand while hitting her with a hard back elbow to the ribs and whipping her to the floor right on the bent chair with an arm drag throw! Julliet gets up with a wince and quickly heads for the hatchway on the opposite side of the room to retreat and regroup!~
Rebel: THA' FUCKKERYA GOING JUUUUULLLES?! WE AIN'T FINISHED YET!
~The Blood loss and trauma she'd experienced over the course of the match was clearly affecting Rhodes as her speech slurs. It wasn't the first time she'd ever been in this state, but it certainly never stopped her before. As she steps through the hatchway, the door suddenly snaps forward and cracks her right in the face, knocking her for a seat on the floor with a yelp of pain.~
Smith: Look before you leap, Melinda!
Hood: She’s too fucked up, man. Which…can be both a blessing as well as a curse
Smith: I’ve never been drunk so I wouldn’t know
Hood: Then, my friend, you haven’t LIVED
~Julliet steps around, grabs Rebel's leg and pulls her through the hatchway, bracing it on the hatch frame, then rears the door back and slings it forward. With seconds to react, Melinda is just barely fast enough to not have her ankle broken in the doorway, pulling it away and rolling to her side. At that point, she hears the mad laughter of Brooks with the sound of feet hitting floor in rapid succession and fading into echoes down a long hallway.~
Smith: That could have put Melinda on the shelf for months, at least!
Hood: I told you…Brooks is a sick, sick puppy, Smith
Smith: She’s got a dark side, there’s no denying that
~Moments later, we see Rhodes traveling through the ship, the camera following in the lull of the action. Worn down and ravaged by the match, blood coating half her face, she stood with nerves on edge. What she follows is a trail of dribbled blood that lead her down a long corridor. The steady rhythmic womping noise of the ship's twin screw props sound through the walls. As the noise reaches its loudest point so far, she reaches stairs at the stern of the ship, a sign reading "CAUTION - ENGINE ROOM - WEAR NECESSARY PROTECTIVE GEAR"~
Smith: Don’t go in there!
Hood: Of course she’s going in there!
~Melinda walks down those stairs, the camera following right behind her. Suddenly Julliet Brooks drops down from above on top of her, wrapping her legs around The Rebel's waist, an arm around her neck, and begins to viciously stab at the Rebel's wound with the fork, Mel crying out and thrashing back and forth in the engine room, slamming Julliet roaring!~
Brooks: YOU'RE GONNA' BLEED TO DEATH IN THE BOTTOM OF YOUR DADDY'S OLD SHIP YOU STUPID PPPUUUUTTTTTAAA!!!! SCREAM FOR MMMMEEEE!!!!!
~Finally Rhodes manages to hurl herself back so hard that Julliet's legs unlock from around her waist. Mel then grabs her head and arm and flips her over her shoulder, but Brooks tucks and rolls with the landing and comes at Melinda with the fork with stabbing jabs, driving Melinda back until she manages to kick the fork from Julliet's hand, sending the fork clattering off somewhere random. Julliet kicks Rhodes in the gut, then pulls her into a tight hammerlock with a handful of hair. From there, Julliet kicks open one of the Engine compartment covers, exposing fast moving high speed machinery!~
Brooks: NOBODY FUCKS WITH ME!! NOT YOU! NOT TOMMY CRIMSON!!! NO ONE!!! I'M DONE WITH BEING A BITCH TO BEAT ON!!!
~There were tears in Julliet's eyes, streaking the caked and dried blood on the lower half of her face as she began to force Melinda's face towards the machinery. The Rebel's eyes go wide as she places one hand at the side of the compartment, fighting with all the strength and adrenaline she could muster.~
Rebel: GGGRRAAAHHHH!!! NO!!!!
Brooks: That's it Rebel... beg for your life or I'll grind you up here and now!!!
~Melinda saw her life flash before her eyes as she was slowly pushed forward, her arm going numb in Brooks' expertly applied hammerlock. No.... it wasn't her time yet and she wasn't ready to meet her maker, especially not like this. She lifts her leg...~
Rebel: No....
~...Props it against the maintenance rail below the compartment....~
Rebel: ....NO....
~...And then shoves back...~
Rebel: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
~...and Violently slams Julliet's back against the opposing engine compartment. The force loosened the hold and Melinda slipped free to deliver a fierce, brutal punch that rocked Julliet off her feet! There were tears in the Rebel's face. Julliet laid there, fluttering in and out of consciousness and on instinct alone, drags herself with one arm while kicking her foot to get away from Melinda.~
Rebel: ....Can't you see Julliet? CAN'T YOU SEE HOW BLIND WITH HATE YOU'VE BECOME?!
~Julliet spits up at her with a scowl.~
Brooks: Fuck you.... I see clearly! You're no different than Tommy Crimson and are just playing your filthy head games with me just like him! You just want to hurt me too, attack me, make me look weak. I'M NOT WEAK LIKE YOU!!!!!
~Mel feels a tear roll down her cheek and slowly shakes her head.~
Rebel: No, we're both weak, Julliet, otherwise we wouldn't be where we are right now, fighting each other to the bitter end....
~Julliet grips the hatchway door and uses it to pull herself up.~
Brooks: NO MORE TALKING! WE FINISH THIS!!!
~And the Rebel brings her hands up, one curled in a tight fist and the other half open, her legs bent slightly as she stands on the balls of her feet and tilts forward.~
Smith: These two have fought to their physical, emotional limit. I’m not sure how they can keep going
Hood: Looks like die trying is emerging as the likely outcome!
~Brooks rushes forth as Mel takes only two steps forward and proceeds to duck and weave her strikes with a boxer's grace, side stepping kicks as Julliet drives the Rebel out the opposing hatch as the two inch more and more towards the stern of the ship. The camera view suddenly changes to a familiar spot, the place where the Rebel shot her promo, the side bay doors opened wide with a view of the churning ocean and a glittering distance California Coastline behind the boat.~
Smith: And they are beginning to emerge
Hood: There’s got to be less dangerous shit to get into out here, right?
Smith: I…I don’t know
Hood: I mean, aside from the giant, blue abyss known as the Pacific Ocean
~Mel no longer fought back, going purely defensive as she ducks, weaves, and blocks the shots, no longer wanting to hurt the enraged Brooks, who only seems to get more irate as she presses the Rebel back towards the elevator lift. Suddenly Julliet rushes Rhodes and drives her into the cargo elevator, slamming her up against the railing. Julliet joins her and proceeds to viciously and violently stomp her mid section. Rebel hits the button for the lift to go up....~
Smith: Looks like we are in for an elevator ride
Hood: Maybe the elevator will do them both a favor and get stuck
Smith: What? And then have them kill each other inside that box? No thanks
~The camera shifts just in time to see a deck cover open and slide back just as we see Melinda catch Julliet's foot and shove her back against the opposing rail. The sudden jerk and stop further helps Julliet get off balance and fall back. The fans at the other end of the ship watch the action on the screen happening just over 590 feet from them, some even able to see it from the higher bleacher seats. The Rebel gets to her feet and both she and Julliet are back on their feet and Melinda stays on the defensive as Julliet starts driving her towards the very back end of the ship.~
Smith: I don’t have a great feeling about this
Hood: I’m convinced neither woman can die…so I’m actually pretty cool with whatever happens from here
Smith: You are a sadistic man
~Finally a block slips and the Rebel takes a hit that spins her around, only for her to continue to spin with it and come back with THE ROLLBACK PUNCH, staggering Brooks back on wobbly legs. The back area cameras get a good view of their faces covered in dry and fresh blood, the Rebel now wore a near complete crimson mask, her black top glistening with wet blood along with dried blood on her chest. Each breath sent a small spatter of blood and she had to blink repeatedly to keep it out of the whites of her eyes.~
Julliet: Look at you Rhodes... you're pathetic...
Rebel: The same... could be said.... about you right now... Jules....
Julliet: I'm the Pride of Mexico!
Rebel: And I'm THE motherfucking Rebel!
~The two lunge at each other, locking up and in her weakened state, the Rebel actually starts getting pushed back by Brooks. It's when her foot touches the very edge that she redirects Julliet's push, but only gets halfway with both now on the edge of each other's destruction! In the distance and advancing Helicopter could be heard and the wind began picking up.~
Julliet: IT'S AWFULLY FUCKING DEEP IN THE PACIFIC, MEL!!!!!
Rebel: FUCK YOU BROOKS!!!!!
~The Rebel boots Julliet in the gut, catches her in a 3/4th's necklock and drops straight on the flight deck with an explosive SHOT IN THE DARK that sends Julliet Brooks for a flip that sends her right over the edge of the ship and into the waters below! Melinda rises, looking down at the water and watching her thrash and flail as the current takes Brooks further and further from the carrier. The dot that is Julliet Brooks getting harder and harder to see in the dead of night. Suddenly the Rebel feels dizzy where she stands....~
Smith: Oh my gosh!! She just knocked Brooks off the carrier!
Hood: Holy fuck!
Rebel: Oooooh fuck....
~...Her eyes roll back in her head and she stumbles forward then falls back, her head bouncing off the hard tarmac of the flight deck as she loses consciousness due to blood loss.~
Smith: And now Rebel is out! What’s the decision?