OCW Presents: Like There's No Tomorrow
LIVE! Monday, March 20th 2017
From the OCW Arena in Key West, Florida
Suited Man: Mr. Jones?
Jones: Jones is fine. I haven’t been called Mr. Jones…well, ever, now that I think about it. I’m here to pick up Mr. Jackson.
Suited Man: Of course, follow me.
~They enter into the clean, expensive, fancy building. A receptionist looks up and then away upon seeing the suited man. Behind her are four elevators. The Suited Man leads Jones to the first one, on the left. The doors open and they enter. Jones reaches for the number pad~
Jones: Which floor?
Suited Man: I’ll handle that.
~Jones steps back and watches as The Suited Man doesn’t reach for any of the five visible numbers. Instead he inserts a key and turns it. The doors shut and the elevator begins to move downward. Jones finds this strange as there are no buttons indicating a ‘basement’ area~
Jones: Where are we going?
Suited Man: To retrieve Mr. Jackson, of course.
~Jones hums a tune all of key due to the nerves he’s experiencing. This all feels very ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ for some reason. The elevator stops and the doors open. A dark warehouse stands in front of them. It has a staleness to it. In the distance stand several human visages. Jones hesitates before exiting. The Suited Man nods, understaningly~
Suited Man: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna attack you with a chainsaw, Mr. Jones. This is where we store Mr. Jackson.
Jones: Store?
~The Suited Man waves Jones along. He follows. While walking he removes a sheet of paper and begins to unfold it. His hands shake while performing the deed. The Suited Man removes his cell phone and turns on the flash light app~
Suited Man: Alright, let’s have a look at that order number.
~Jones shows the creased paper. The dark, unrecognizable human silhouettes are close by. They do not move. They are all similar in size, shape, and height. The light app is placed on the paper…it reads “Samuel L Jackson #87”~
Suited Man: Number eighty-seven huh? That’s a good one. Very fierce and commanding. Let’s go grab him.
~He points the cell phone light at the silhouettes. They are all replicas of Samuel L Jackson. There’s got to be near one hundred of them. He sifts through them with Jones following, stunned by what he’s seeing. They reach a blank space that reads #87. The Suited Man shakes his head~
Suited Man: I was afraid of this…it appears 87 is currently leased out to Capital One. No problem, we’ll go grab 63, he’s quite similar.
~They walk a few rows over to another blank spot that reads #63~
Suited Man: Dang it…sorry again. I forgot 63 is currently promoting Kong. I know, I know, it’s weird because 76 actually starred in Kong but what are you going to do? Hmm…how about…I know, let’s go check on 21.
~They walk a few more rows over and spot a Samuel L Jackson standing on the 21st square. The Suited Man seems happy…until he spots a tag around the wrist~
Suited Man: Aww shucks…that’s right, Marvel broke 54 during filming and ordered 21 to be shipped out tomorrow. Ugh…this just isn’t working out, is it?
Jones: What about that one?
~Jones points in an arbitrary direction. Suited Man shines his phone and it lands on a very badass looking Samuel L Jackson~
Suited Man: I’m afraid NOT! That one is permanently leased out by Mr. Tarantino. In fact, avert your eyes this instant!
~Jones does as he’s told. The Suited Man grabs the creased paper and reads over the details~
Suited Man: Unfortunately, all we have available are brand new Samuel L Jacksons and, well, those are all outside of your retainer. Tell you what, how about I take you to some of our discount Samuel L Jackson’s and we can refund the difference?
Jones: Uhh, okay
~Jones sees no issue in this as they all look the same to him. Suited Man takes him into a back corner where a bunch of Samuel L Jacksons are laying on top of each other like you’d see a pile of Barbie dolls or wrestling figures~
Jones: Yikes
Suited Man: Yes, I apologize for their condition. They haven’t been used in years…too much wear and tear. Did you have any in mind?
Jones: I, uhh, really don’t know…how about that one?
Suited Man: Ohhh, great choice!! Vintage Samuel L Jackson right there…perfect for what you’re looking for, I think. We’ll get him ready right away!
Jones: Great, he looks…wait, is he missing an arm?
Suited Man: Right this way so we can draw up the papers and get you that refund.
~Jones tries to push the issue but the Suited Man is well versed in the art of closing a deal. He ushers Jones away as we fade out. We are shown a dark screen, pitch black. Samuel L Jackson’s voice reaches for us through the darkness~
Samuel L Jackson: April 26th, 2015 saw the end of a mother fucking era.
~We cut to the riotous Compton street crowd as they observe the final moments of Hood Rich~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~Vargas kicks out RIGHT AFTER the three!! Scruff signals for the bell as Grenier falls, face first to the mat. The bell sounds as everyone at ringside erupts in cheers~
Smith: That’s it! He did it! Bob Grenier did it! He vanquished Chad Vargas and, in the process, has won the OCW Title!
Hood: Holy shit, I did not see that coming.
President Dean: I can’t tell you how many championships have been won and lost with moves you never saw coming. A testament to how well these two knew one another.
Smith: Indeed!
~Dean, Smith and Hood give the duo a standing ovation. Dean exits the announce table and he takes the OCW Title from a disheveled Belvedere. He enters into the ring and pats Grenier on the back. Grenier is still facing the mat, on his knees. Dean helps him to his feet...it’s apparent Grenier is feeling emotional. Dean raises Grenier’s hand to a huge ovation along with “Grenier!” chants. Dean places the belt around Grenier’s waist, fastening it where it belongs. Dean then exits to find police men and a robed Buffet waiting on him. Dean extends his hands~
President Dean: Alright you filthy animals, cuff me, I’m ready to go.
~Dean is escorted out as Grenier stands in the ring, taking in the moment from the fans and his peers who are cheering him on. PerZag rolls into the ring, hobbling tremendously. He walks up and hugs Grenier as the two share a nice, friendly moment~
Smith: Those two have been through so much...what a moment!
Hood: It would be fucking disgusting and I would hope PerZag would lay him out...but what would be the fucking point at this juncture.
Smith: Nice to see it takes the end of our company for you to finally come to your senses.
~Vargas, seated in the corner, is taking it all in. He rises to his feet and approaches Grenier. PerZag steps to the side and watches, ready to help Grenier if Vargas does anything underhanded. Vargas looks at the OCW Title around Grenier’s waist~
Smith: Uh oh
Hood: Here we go, like the others earlier on, Chad is not leaving tonight without that belt...we’re gonna have some more violence!
Smith: Why can’t he just...
~Surprising everyone, Chad brings Bob in for a quick hug before raising his hand in triumph! The locker room and onlookers go wild. PerZag steps in and he raises Chad’s off hand as the trio stand in the middle of the ring~
Smith: What a final moment! Those three have been the backbone of OCW since its return on 2014...what a moment!
Hood: Yea, I’m not sure we would have made it this far without those three.
Smith: Nope, we never would have...they deserve this final curtain call.
~The trio of PerZag, Chad Vargas, and OCW Champion, Bob Grenier are freeze framed, in the middle of the ring, arms raised, with the entire locker room applauding them from ringside. The frame freezes on the historical shot. A guitar strums in the background as the chords to Margaritaville begin. Suddenly a fucking owl blasts through the image, breaking it away like a glass mural. The owl HOOTS loudly as it bursts through the old image. It flies off and images of the current OCW stars come flooding through. The final two shown are MJ Bell and the OCW Champion Alice Knight. They stand on opposite sides of the screen with Alice holding her OCW Title over her shoulder. MJ Bell points at it with a confident smile. We fade to black and that famously commanding voice returns~
Samuel L Jackson: In 2017 a new era emerged. Jimmy Buffet’s OCW.
~Highlights of The OCW Title tournament are shown. We see memorable clips from the TIO/Vargas Paradigm Title Match involving Treat Cassidy and the return of Mack O’Connor. Next up we see the triple threat OCW Title match which gave us the culmination of Alice Knight’s crazy OCW career as she defeated Bob Grenier and PerZag for the OCW Title.
The Dravers Tag Team Title victory over Tornado Alley is shown.
The arrival of Aptitude is next. Matt Meyhu and O’Donnell’s victory over The Dravers is shown. It is followed by TIO retaining his Paradigm Title against Rebel.
The debuts of Dare Clemmens and Max Shade are shown. Dare Clemmens Ascension Championship win over Iggy Hardy is displayed followed promptly by Max Shade pinning Robbie Rayder for his shot at Dare’s title.
Mack O’Connor defeating Drew Stevenson is next. It is followed immediately by CJ O’Donnell’s hand being raised in victory, earning a Savage Title Match.
MJ Bell’s shocking return is next as she lays Alice out after her OCW Title win. Their subsequent feud is highlighted.
The first Savage and Morbidus match is shown, with Lance Savage emerging victorious. The words ‘Massacre Rules’ flash across the screen. We see a shot of both men talking trash at Massacre a few weeks earlier. We go back to black~
Samuel L Jackson: At the end of the evening people might be saying Oh Shit!
~We revisit Code of Silence when Supreme Machine cashed in his Oh Shit Contract against Danny B, pinning him for the Savage Championship~
Samuel L Jackson: Or an ascending star could prove they are legit.
~An angry, arms folded Max Shade stares across the screen at a confident, preppy Dare Clemmens. Dr. Orange gets in front of Max Shade and talks trash to Dare who laughs it off. Max rolls his eyes~
Samuel L Jackson: Two men will fight until the bloody job is done.
~Savage and Morbidus look across the screen at one another in silence. Blood pours from top to bottom washing them away~
Samuel L Jackson: And we could see the fall of an incredible one
~TIO and Vargas are seated at a bar across from each other, engaging in a stare down. Vargas is holding a bottle of whiskey while TIO flashes his Paradigm Title along with an arrogant smile~
Samuel L Jackson: We’re in for a good old fashioned Irish fist fight
~CJ and Mack O’Connor stand across the screen, holding up their clinched, taped hands. There is no emotion or hesitation in their eyes. They are ready for war~
Samuel L Jackson: And, when it’s all said and done…the entire city could be chanting…Owl Is Night
~Alice Knight and her OCW Title emerges as the dominant image on the screen with a focused MJ Bell throwing kicks at a bag in preparation for the match. Alice begins talking to her title. We can’t really hear what is being said but it looks to be an intense conversation…at least on Alice’s end. We cut to the darkness where that voice dominates~
Samuel L Jackson: It’s time to live in the moment for the future is far from guaranteed. Get ready to party Like There’s No Tomorrow. This evening, tonight is going to ShamROCK!!
~A one armed Samuel L Jackson steps into view. A cigarette hangs from his mouth and he’s got some stubble atop his head. He’s sporting a pair of old man glasses. He bends over and looks directly into the camera~
Samuel L Jackson: Hold onto your butts…
~”Blood” by Dropkick Murphy’s starts to play as we cut to the lively, rabid…some might go so far as to say UNCONTROLLABLE OCW Arena!!~
~We pan the crowd as the signs are in full force. “DID CAUTION DIE?” “OH SHIT…I FORGOT TO SIGN UP FOR THE MATCH” “THE TRUE LIVING DEMON WILL DEFEAT THE VAMPIRE!” that fan is instantly beat up by a bunch of dark looking individuals wearing Morbidus merchandise. “THE APTITUDE WILL DOMINATE!” “I HOPE THE CUBE DOESN’T MELT IN THIS FLORIDA HEAT!” “DR. ORANGE > TONY CHU” “I FALL OFF LADDERS ALL THE TIME, WHAT’S THE BIG FUCKING DEAL?” “I HEARD THERE’S A SHARKNADO IN TONIGHT’S FORECAST!” “I TRIED BUYING A ROUND OF SHOTS FOR THE BAR BUT MACK DRANK THEM ALL” “I WON’T STAND YOU UP CJ *HEARTS*” this sign is held by a really old woman. “CURT CANON IS MY HERO!” “CAN MAX SHADE CLIMB A ROPE?” “DARE!!!!!!” again, the same old woman, she must have two signs. “I’M WITH MJ!” “I’M WITH ALICE!” and, finally…”I’M WITH TRUDA” this person is escorted INSTANTLY and arrested for public stupidity. We then focus on Smith and Hood. Smith is dressed in a tux, looking all dapper. Hood has managed to toss on some slacks and a polo shirt. He’s got a beer in his hand but doesn’t appear to be buzzed. Smith is beaming with excitement as Hood looks around at the wild fans~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Like There’s No Tomorrow!!!!
Hood: Holy shit, this place is off the fucking couch.
Smith: Off the couch?
Hood: Yea, new saying, I just coined it. I was watching March Madness and when that buzzer beater happened I totally jumped OFF THE COUCH.
Smith: Fair enough…folks this is our first big event of 2017 and if you know anything about OCW you know we go all out for nights like tonight. So, if you’re watching live on STARZ then you are in for real treat. We are going to have a little bit of everything this evening.
Hood: In for a real Treat, eh? So that’s been some Cassidy impersonator all along?
Smith: NO! Just an unfortunate, inadvertent, unfunny pun
Hood: Guy should change his fucking name, seriously. I really think he was supposed to be Trent. Can we just call him Trent?
Smith: No we cannot. As you can see, we spare no expense for these shows…how about that guest appearance by Samuel L Jackson himself!
Hood: Uhh, we totally spared expense. That was post raptor mauling Samuel L Jackson. Hey, don’t get me wrong…Samuel L Jackson is the man, even in Goodfellas. But we couldn’t have sprung for someone a little more recent…like Snakes on a Plane SLJ or that awful army movie SLJ?
Smith: Ah, Basic…loved that movie!
Hood: Awful, I bet your cue is the laughing stock of Netflix headquarters.
Smith: RUDE! The song…you’ve got to dig the song, right?
Hood: Oh yea…if you want Blood!!!!
Smith: Yea, keep going
Hood: That’s all I’ve retained. But still cool though.
Smith: Terrific. We’ve got six matches and they break down like this. Four matches will take place inside the OCW Arena. Two matches will go down over the ocean, inside the Cube, beach side.
Hood: I’m so glad we aren’t out there
Smith: Really? I thought that might have been cool
Hood: No way man, didn’t you see the news….a fucking Sharknado is in the forecast.
Smith: Well, I guess we should have hired David Hasselhoff in place of Samuel L Jackson
Hood: One of the best ideas you’ve ever had.
Smith: We’ve got loads of action…we’re gonna see tons of violence and, if history is any indicator, we are going to see some new champions.
~The crowd starts a dueling chant. “M! J! BELL!” duels with “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” it becomes deafening as the crowd is completely invested in this match and their rivalry~
Smith: Wow, listen to this crowd! Such emotion, such pageantry!
Hood: I still don’t get it…guess I never will. But if they are into it, fuck it…I guess management knows more than I do.
Smith: Well folks, as much as I’d love to sit here and entertain you all with this back and forth…I know that’s not why you’re turned in. So…without further ado…let’s shamROCK!!!
Hood: Oh geezus
~ “Electrified" by Dressy Bessy begins to play as the fans turn and cheer. Alice Knight steps out on top of the ramp with the OCW Title over her shoulder. The fans go crazy! “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” fills the arena. Alice smiles and kind of shrugs as though it’s no big deal. Sshe makes her way to the ring carrying a bubbly demeanor. She enters into the ring and kind of skips around for no apparent reason. She rushes the ropes and heads to the middle turnbuckle she hoists the title high above her head to a tremendous ovation~
Smith: What is she doing out here? I’m not complaining but not only is she not due out here until the main event but I wasn’t even aware she had arrived yet
Hood: I’m sure whatever the reasoning is it will make ZERO sense
Smith: Stop saying stuff like that, she’s our champ
~Her music stops and the crowd continues chanting “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” She asks for a mic, Belvedere enters into the ring and hands it to her. She looks at her title and begins talking to it. She nods as though it’s returning in conversation. She smiles and nudges it with her cheek saying “That’s a GREAT idea!”~
Alice Knight: I just wanted to say before my title defense that I’ve had so much fun with OCW Championship! He’s a great guy and immensely supportive! And, if tonight is my final night with OCW Championship I just want to tell him, thanks for the support and that time you booed during Tears in Vietnam. It was GREAT!
~She releases a sigh and stares down the ramp~
Alice Knight: Okay, I’m ready…let’s do this, Brutus!
Smith: Uhh
Hood: Who the hell is OCW Championship?
Smith: I think she’s talking about the title…they have, you know, conversations together
Hood: Geezus
~Belvedere leans forward and whispers into Alice’s ear. She appears confused. She pulls out her lineup, it’s written in BISQUE crayon. Which makes it hard to read on white paper…but Belvedere has spectacular vision. He leans in and notices she’s got the lineup reversed~
Alice Knight: Really? So it’s not time for my match? But I’m already dressed…
~ The drums entrance of “ Soul Wars” by AWOLNATION begins to play through the P.A system as smoke floods the entrance ramp. Immediately the crowd begins to cheer as MJ emerges from the smoke. She’s dressed to compete as well. Confusion dominates her facial features but she heads down the ramp. It’s almost as though a challenge has been issued. She slides in under the bottom rope and asks for the mic from Alice. Alice hands it over~
MJ Bell: I wasn’t really expecting to do this so early in the night but, I mean if you’re out here and I’m out here…I guess…
~The fans leap to their feet and begin chanting “NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!” MJ looks at the crowd and nods…she looks at Alice who shrugs…it’s no sweat off her back. EE suddenly rushes out onto the stage~
EE: The phone is on hold! The event is main, not match opening! I sorry but I don’t see…
~Calmly, Welsh steps onto the stage with a mic of his own, he puts his hand on EE's shoulder, calming him down~
Marcus Welsh: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’ll take it from here…off to the back with you, go make a new pot of coffee or something.
EE: Sir, yes Mr Welsh! I make right away!
~EE hustles off leaving Welsh alone on the stage. The crowd continues to chant “NOW!” he looks around and shrugs~
Marcus Welsh: It wasn’t how we planned…but nothing in life ever is, right? So, if you two are ready and have no issues then it’s fine with me.
MJ Bell: I’ve been ready for over two years.
~Alice leans into the mic which is near MJ’s face. MJ pulls her head back with surprise~
Alice Knight: HOOT!
Marcus Welsh: Well, okay then…I’ll take that as two yesses! Get some ladders out there and let’s get going!
~The crowd goes WILD...women are probably getting pregnant due to the excitement! Welsh exits the stage as three ladders are rushed to the ring by OCW security. A loop drops from the ceiling. Scruff slides into the ring with food in his beard, he was obviously backstage eating and was caught off guard. He reaches for the title. Alice hugs it and says a few affectionate words to her friend. Scruff receives it and hooks it around the loop. It is then raised to the ceiling. The three ladders are laid around three sides of the ring…the only side without one is the side facing the ramp~
Smith: I can’t believe this! We’re going to get the OCW Title match RIGHT NOW
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
Smith: Folks…here we go!!!
OCW Championship
Hazardous Ladder Match
Alice Knight © (6-0) vs. MJ Bell (1-1)
Belvedere: Alright then…ladies and gentlemen it is now time for the OCW Championship Contest!! This will be a Hazardous Ladder Match….introducing first, the challenger…FIGHTING OUT OF THE MJ BELL CORNER
~Belvedere turns into an MMA ring announcer for some reason. But it doesn’t matter because the fans are so excited that he could be doing a bad impersonation of Ron Jeremy and they’d still cheer~
Belvedere: Fighting out of Paradise, Michigan. She stands 5’5 and weighs in at 127lbs…she holds an OCW record of 1-1…she is an OCW Hall of Famer and FORMER OCW Champion…MJ BELL!!!!
~The fans go crazy chanting “MJ! MJ! MJ!” she acknowledges them with a rotation of her right hand. She then returns her focus to Alice, her opponent~
Belvedere: And her opponent, the champion…FIGHTING OUT OF THE ALICE KNIGHT CORNER. She’s from Bethel, New York…standing 5’8 and weighing in at 125lbs…she is the OCW Champion…Alice Knight!!!
~The crowd HOOTS and then follows that up with “OWL! IS! NIGHT!” Several owl heads bounce around in the crowd like weirdos. Belvedere exits and the bell sounds as the crowd freaks out…the dueling chants start up again. Alice walks up to MJ. They meet in the middle of the ring…it’s tense~
Smith: It’s been a strange month for these two…I’m not sure what to expect here
Hood: I think Alice is going to claw her eyes out! Making her less effective than Lance Savage!
Smith: Alice would never do that…but MJ could kick her…she’s been unpredictable as of late
Hood: As long as they fucking tear each other apart, I’m good
~A stare down takes place…nobody knows what’s going to happen. Then, out of nowhere, Alice extends her hand. MJ looks down at it like it’s a trick, a ruse. She hesitates…but then sees the look on Alice’s face. IT’S ALICE KNIGHT…she’s the baby-ist face of all time. Bell remembers the good times and extends her hand, they shake and smile. The crowd cheers the two burying the hatchet. They start to circle one another as the dueling chants start back up~
Hood: That’s fucking disgusting!
Smith: I love it! These two were great friends once and it looks like they will be again
Hood: If this is how 2017 OCW is going to go then I might opt out of my fucking contract
Smith: Oh quit being such a jerk
~They lock up! The crowd erupts! They quiet down as a back and forth ensues. Alice uses her height advantage to back MJ up into a corner. There is no rule for a break, but Alice does anyway. The crowd claps with a few hoots going on. MJ rushes forward and they lock up again, this time MJ’s momentum backs Alice into the corner. She breaks, cleanly and the crowd gives her an ovation. However, once Alice exits the corner MJ grabs her arm and tosses her with an arm drag! Alice lands on her knees and holds her arm, she nods looking at MJ and saying, “Okay, okay” and the competitive spirit is found~
Smith: I think Alice was just so excited to get into the ring with MJ that she forgot what the purpose of being inside the ring actually was
Hood: And THAT’S our champion
Smith: She earned it, Hood
Hood: Ugh…yea, I know… I was there, remember? She drank my fucking five dollar bottle of water.
~Alice gets to her feet and MJ springs forward with a knee…Alice dodges it and tosses MJ over with a roll up…she doesn’t hold onto a pin for obvious reasons. MJ rolls over onto her feet, crouched Alice meets her with a kick to the side of the head! MJ flies back against the bottom buckle, sitting down. Alice gets to her feet and she runs around the ring flapping her arms like a bird. “HOOT! HOOT! HOOT!” the crowd yells as Alice charges in and leaps through the air, drilling MJ with a dropkick!!! MJ slides to the mat with her head under the bottom buckle. Alice pops to her feet and does some kind of weird thumb dance. The crowd mimics her action~
Smith: That’s a really catchy dance move…check it out
Hood: STOP THAT RIGHT NOW
Smith: WHY?
Hood: Because this is on TV…people might see me sitting next to you
~Alice finishes dancing and heads outside the ring. She grabs one of the ladders…it’s covered with OWL stickers. She nods and says “obviously, this is the one.” She slides it into the ring and sets it under the title. MJ is slowly recovering. She sits up and keeps an eye on Alice. Alice starts to climb. MJ watches for the rung…the critical rung~
Smith: MJ seems awfully cavalier right now
Hood: Look at her, man, she’s fucking watching Alice climb…she knows what rung triggers the failure…gotta give it to her, that’s smart
Smith: Indeed! Nice catch there, Hood!
Hood: Yea well all that retarded dancing forced me to actually have to pay attention to anyone other than Alice and, well, you. So MJ wins.
~Alice reaches the critical rung. The ladder vibrates and Alice’s mouth makes an ‘O’ as she yells “Ooohhh nooooo”…it falls apart and Alice lands atop the rubble. She rolls around, wincing in pain. MJ gets to her feet having played the situation out perfectly. She kicks around the debris, looking for something. She grabs a loose rung and stands over Alice. The fans start to get upset. MJ tosses it out of the ring and kicks all the debris away. The crowd cheers. She pulls Alice by the arm and whips her to the ropes…Alice gets to her feet and sprints into the ropes. She bounces off and MJ wraps her around the head and tosses her head first into the mat with a Huricanrana!! Alice is out and MJ heads for the ropes~
Smith: That’s how quickly this match can change. One faulty ladder and you’re in danger of being defeated.
Hood: Why the fuck would she go for the Owl Ladder? Wasn’t it obvious that was a set up?
Smith: I didn’t think it was obvious…Owls have been nothing but good for Alice.
Hood: Yea but Owls are wicked creatures…I think they’ve been setting her up.
Smith: I’m not sure how well documented that owl accusation is
~MJ grabs the nearest ladder. She doesn’t really look at it closely. She slides the top into the ring and suddenly sees it up close. It’s ORANGE. She rolls her eyes and sort of pushes it away from the ring…the sends the legs atop the barricade, making the ladder a bridge. MJ walks underneath it and around the corner to the third and final ladder. She stands and inspects it. It’s a shining PLATINUM color. MJ nods and picks it up, tossing it into the ring as Alice remains on the ground~
Smith: Turnabout's fairplay…are we going to see a similar result to the former champion?
Hood: IT’S A TRAP!
Smith: Star Wars fan?
Hood: Who isn’t…but still, it’s a fucking trap
~MJ sets it up and is about to climb. She then stands back and thinks. She remembers the OWL ladder. She looks at the critical rung. She walks up and peers underneath, looking for something…a trigger point, a censor…a giveaway as to the ladder’s identity. But there’s nothing. OCW can, apparently, do one thing right. Her head is suddenly thrust forward! It slams into the ladder thanks to a spinning heel kick to the back of the head! MJ turns around, dazed…Alice places her head under MJ’s chin and sits out, dropping her with a jawbreaker!! MJ hits the mat and grabs her jaw in pain. Alice gets to her feet and rotates her shoulders and stretches her legs, working out the pain from her fall. She then points to the ladder…the fans go crazy~
Smith: Well she’s gonna give this one a try.
Hood: A second fall would be oh so sweet
Smith: No it wouldn’t…it would be traumatic and, quite frankly, heart breaking
Hood: You really need to find a hobby, bro. You’re way too big an Alice fanboy
~Alice starts to climb. MJ’s vision is blurred. She looks up, lying on her side. She can’t tell what rung Alice is on. She starts to freak out, seeing her opportunity slip away. She staggers to her face fighting through the pain and malaise. Alice is near the critical rung, but she hasn’t reached it yet. MJ sprints into the ropes…she leaps onto the middle rope and spins around…Alice looks at her and is drilled in the face with The Burning Mage!!!! Alice’s body goes flying through the air, over the ropes and THROUGH the Orange Ladder!! She hits hard on her head and neck area. She’s not moving. The fans chant “HOLY SHIT!” MJ falls to her knees on the mat. She reaches up and grabs the ladder, she looks up at the title, with a clear path~
Smith: Well, I guess it’s all over
Hood: Fucking hell…that was a terrible fall
Smith: Yea, yea, I know, I know
Hood: No man, I’m fucking serious. I’ll be right back
Smith: Huh? What?
~Hood gets up and leaves to check on Alice which is really surprising. MJ counts the rungs as she climbs. She reaches the critical rung and the ladder begins to shake. She hops off before it breaks. It collapses at her feet. She kicks it around in frustration. She then turns to head for the orange ladder but sees Alice and Hood. Hood is kneeling over Alice, checking on the champion. He looks up at MJ and motions toward the ramp. MJ signals to the back, frantically. OCW medics hurry down along with THE KNIFE MAN. The crowd has gone silent~
Smith: I’m being told that I need to tell all children watching…which I’d hope there aren’t many of you that we do not condone running with knives. Now, with that out of the way…this is obviously a serious situation…I’m sorry for the break in the action.
~The Knife Man is waving his ridiculously large knife around, trying to get to Alice. The Dravers are sprinting down the ramp next with Welsh behind them. They pat The Knife Man on the back…he says some nice words to them and compliments their hair. Welsh steps in and looks at Alice. Hood looks up and says “it’s bad.” Welsh nods and points at the announce table. Hood leaves the scene. Welsh looks at Knife Man and says “Fix the ladder”. Knife Man replies, “Yes sir.” He picks up the broken ladder and slides it into the ring. MJ is still inside…Knife Man steps through the ropes…his knife glides across the middle rope. He turns around and the knife wizzes by MJ’s head. She decides to exit the ring and check on Alice~
Smith: What’s going on?
Hood: Fuck man, she’s out. Like she’s breathing and shit but I don’t know. It’s bad.
Smith: Is it her head, her neck?
Hood: Bitch, do I look like a fucking doctor? She’s fucked up, alright? That’s all I know
Smith: Okay, okay
~Using his knife The Knife Man starts putting the ladder back together. It’d be REALLY impressive if it weren’t REALLY weird. MJ looks down at Alice with worry and a hint of guilt. The Dravers are kneeling next to their friend. They try talking to her, but she isn’t responding. A stretcher is wheeled out. Welsh steps aside and orders the Dravers to move and for MJ to get back into the ring. The Knife Man stands the ladder up…it’s not in the BEST condition, but it’s workable. MJ enters into the ring and looks at the ladder. Alice is lifted up and placed onto the stretcher…she’s strapped in~
Smith: Ugh, I’m gutted
Hood: Yea this is pretty fucked up.
Smith: I mean, don’t get me wrong…I’m really excited for MJ…she more than deserves this but…
Hood: Yea, yea, I get ya man
~MJ shakes her head. You know she’s thinking “Not this way.” Welsh yells “CLIMB THE LADDER!” He’s getting angry with his OCW Title scenario. MJ scowls at Welsh. She almost feels like telling him to fuck off…but it’s an extremely stressful situation…so she lets it slide. She climbs the ladder as The Knife Man watches. His deadly blade glistens in the arena lights. She gets to the top and grabs the title. She unhooks it and climbs down. She hugs it, taking a moment to appreciate what was once lost. The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND NEW OCW CHAMPION…MJ BELL!!!!!
~The crowd gives a great ovation considering the situation. A few “M! J! BELL!” chants break out. She acknowledges them and holds the title up high in the air. Her eyes are a bit glassy…probably partly due to the title win and partly due to her friend being seriously injured. She’s done posing and exits the ring. The stretcher is being wheeled up the ramp way. MJ follows it. The Dravers, Welsh, and The Knife Man are all heading up there as well. The crowd stops chanting and goes crowd…many owl heads are seated, staring at the floor. It’s sad, folks~
Smith: MJ Bell is our world champion, let’s not gloss over that. This is a HUGE moment for OCW and its new champ. However…
Hood: Yep, it’s tough. I don’t know what more you want me to say. I feel bad for the fucking girl but what are you gonna do…shit happens.
Smith: It’s somber out here and we’re gonna do something about that…just you wait, folks…but, in the meantime, let’s head backstage…to an interesting encounter that occurred earlier today
~ The camera fades backstage and you see "The Distinguished" CJ O'Donnell walking around. He is already set for battle for his Savage Title match against Mack O'Connor. As he continues to walk down the corridor he sees a familiar face. ~
CJ O'Donnell: Julliet Brooks ...
~ A smile comes to his face and he begins to approach her. ~
CJ O'Donnell: I am glad you accepted my invitation but kind of shocked in a way as well.
~ She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. ~
Julliet Brooks: Are you shocked over the fact that's it's been several years since you seen me, or that we are standing in the same building?
CJ O’Donnell: Both actually. Listen about that I wanted to apologize to you about my behavior. You didn't deserve that I took my anger out on you and never should have. So I'm sorry Julliet.
Julliet Brooks: You really left me a complete mess, but luckily I was able to pull myself together and think things through, so in conclusion I forgive you.
~ She let out a sigh of relief as she flipped her hair back and looked around. ~
CJ O'Donnell: Well I always did say you were a stronger woman than you gave yourself credit for. So I know you probably think I invited you here to OCW Like There's No Tomorrow to play mind games with you and make you feel old feelings but I had other ideas.
~ CJ leans up against the wall as he stares at Julliet. ~
Julliet Brooks: I'm listening.
CJ O'Donnell: I know since Boardwalk Wrestling closed its doors you've been looking for the right promotion. You have to be tired of going all over the world just to make chump change. Well, to show that I am truly and sincerely sorry that's why I asked you to come here. OCW is the right promotion for you. You would flourish here I feel. Also if it not to forward of me to say you are looking great tonight. Your eyes did always ...
~ Julliet cuts him off and snaps her fingers. ~
Julliet Brooks: You should focus less on how I look and more about your match tonight. As far as joining OCW is concerned, your boss has already approached me with an offer, and I'm still unsure about my decision, so that's why I'm here... to watch the show and perhaps it'll help me decide on an answer.
~ CJ smirks at Julliet as he pushes himself off the wall. ~
CJ O'Donnell: When have I never been completely in control of everything. You always did worry that my confidence in my ability would be my downfall. O’Connor is just like the Mike Zybala’s of the world very predictable and a soft jaw.
~ CJ takes a step towards Julliet. ~
CJ O'Donnell: I always did like your feistiness probably thats what attracted to me you in the first place. And just think about all the sun you can get in Florida year round. I remember how much you loved the beach and they have plenty of malls here so you can add to that shoe collection of yours.
Julliet Brooks: I plan to take full advantage of the sun while sipping on a couple of Margarita's while I'm here, but anyway before you make this any weirder, I'm going to find the VIP room and enjoy the show...
CJ O'Donnell: Ouch that stings but I guess I deserve that for all the bullshit I put you through. Enjoy the show and don’t worry I vouched for you for Mr. Welsh so no need to have a tryout match or anything. You sign the contract and then you get to start kicking some ass again.
Julliet Brooks: We'll see...now if you'll excuse me.
~ She shakes her head and walks right past him. ~
CJ O'Donnell: I hate to see you go but I love watching you leave. JB always did have a great money maker.
~ As Brooks continues to walk down the long hallway CJ is admiring the way she sways her hips from side to side. ~
CJ O’Donnell: You know Alice Knight reminds me a lot of Julliet Brooks when I first met her. JB used to be so sweet, innocent and polite now look at her. I created a mega bitch and am not reaping the benefits. I was stupid then but it won’t happen again.
~ The camera goes back to Hood and Smith at ringside as you see CJ smirking like an evil plan is coming together in his mind. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Julliet Brooks! We heard rumors she'd be here tonight and, well, there she is...or was...not like that was live
Hood: Another hot woman...we can't ever have too many of those...especially when you take into account the fact Alice Knight is probably dead
Smith: Annnnd it's gone
Hood: What's gone?
Smith: That compassion you showed earlier
Hood: I don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about
Smith: Right...well folks, it's time for the return of The Cube as Dare Clemmens defends his Ascension Title against the seemingly unbeatable Max Shade.
OCW Ascension Championship
The Cube – Climb The Rope
Dare Clemmens © (3-0) vs. Max Shade (3-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time for the Ascension Championship Match!! This will take place inside THE CUBE and it is a Climb The Rope contest!! The first participant to climb the rope and retrieve the Ascension Championship will be declared the winner…
~The Cube raises ever so slightly. The bottom of The Cube, when secured, rests flush against the edge of the apron. “Never take me out” by Demigodz blasts through the speakers. The crowd parts as MAX SHADE is spotted standing behind them. His chest is heaving, his eyes are focused. Dr. Orange is at his side. Dr. Orange steps in front of Shade and leads him down the ramp toward the opening in The Cube~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois…standing 6’5 and weighing in at 285lbs...he is represented by the very successful Dr. Orange….Max Shade!!!
~Dr. Orange reaches the entrance of the Cube and decides to pass upon entering. He motions for Shade to step inside. Shade steps through the gap and climbs onto the apron. Orange looks on with hope and intrigue as Shade steps through the ropes…he enters without the faintest hint of a trip. Dr. Orange claps vigorously and points out to the crowd. They cheer because they are likely drunk and on the beach in the Keys~
Hood: He’s getting good, Smith. Real good!
Smith: I don’t really want to get into the reasoning behind why that’s a ridiculous statement…especially considering the man may be a champion in less than an hour.
Hood: Such grace! Twinkle toes, Smith! He’s got twinkle toes!
Smith: I’ll tell him you said that
~Dr. Orange heads down the pathway. He walks past the crowd. One person reaches out to grab something from their friend. Dr. Orange misinterprets this action and removes a pen from his pocket and signs all over the guys forearm in black marker. Dr. Orange keeps walking past everyone. Suddenly, “Suburbia” by Kavinsky begins to play. The girls on the beach scream in a way their fathers would in no way approve of. Dare Clemmens steps through a group of females. They cling to him and hug on him as he looks at The Cube with determination and a cocky, boyish smile. He removes a pair of shades and heads down the ramp, eager to get going~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…standing 6’0 tall and weighing in at 190lbs…he is the OCW Ascension Champion…Dare Clemmens!!!
~Dare rushes down the ramp and he slides into the ring under the bottom rope. He pops to his feet and looks over at Shade. Shade is in his corner staring at Dare over his brow. The Cube is lowered and secured. The rope hangs right above their heads. The bell rings as Gruff is in position to observe the match. The crowd surrounding The Cube goes wild~
Smith: Alright! The Cube is back! Who ya got, Hood?
Hood: Well, I look at it like this…if you were going to throw a fifty pound bag of something against a five pound bag of something…the fifty pound bag would probably win the point of impact
Smith: Indeed
Hood: But then there’s that whole rope shit and I don’t know if Dare can climb a rope
Smith: DARE?
Hood: Yea…I mean Max clearly has the home match stip advantage or whatever in this one…that rope was clearly designed after his hair.
Smith: Oh that’s ridiculous! Ropes have always looked like that!
~Dare leans against the ropes…his shoulder nearly grazes The Cube. He reaches out and touches The Cube…there isn’t much space between the ropes and the Plexiglas surface. He seems somewhat bothered by it, perhaps claustrophobic. He shakes it off and bounces around, watching Shade. Shade continues to breathe heavily. He marches forward, going after Dare…the crowd erupts! Dare dodges his lock up attempt and jumps up, nailing Max with a dropkick into the back! Max stumbles into the ropes, his hand slaps against The Cube he turns around and finds Dare hopping around and smiling as if to say, “Gonna have to do better than that.”~
Smith: You have to admire the confidence in this young man
Hood: He’s a spoiled brat. I hope Max breaks his neck!
Smith: That’s a bit extreme…by the way, where’s your friend? Is he headed back here to sit with us?
Hood: I doubt it…he said something earlier about watching this match from the best seat in the universe.
Smith: The universe?
Hood: Mmmhmm
~Shade claps his hands together in frustration. They are wrapped with athletic tape. Dare’s hands are bare. Shade acts like he’s gonna take a walk around the ropes and then bolts for Dare, looking to lock up. AGAIN Dare side steps Shade…Shade runs into the ropes and grips the top. He shakes his head looking really frustrated. It’s the frustration of a man forced to play a certain game that could prevent him from the positive outcome he feels would be assured if he were allowed to play by his rules. Dare continues bouncing around as a few female cheers find their way inside The Cube. Feeling his youth, Dare steps forward and he paint brushes the back of Shade’s head. Shade’s body tenses…his eyes strain, he’s about to lose it~
Smith: It has been a trying week for Max Shade…I don’t want to get into the personal issues…I’ll just focus on the rope work.
Hood: It’s okay, Dr Orange has a plan…I KNOW IT
Smith: Well he’d better get out here
Hood: In due time…in due time.
~Shade turns around and begins to follow Dare. Dare hops around at first but realizes Shade is moving quicker than his hopping. So Dare starts to jog…Shade breaks into a sprint and chases Dare around the ring. Dare maintains a bit of a distance. Shade stumbles! He falls to one knee…Dare doesn’t have to see to know what happened…he deviates from his path and hits the ropes, he bounces off but Shade hops to his feet and delivers a roundhouse kick to the face of Dare!!! Dare stands upright before falling, face first to the mat! Shrieks from the females fill The Cube as several fans applaud the gamesmanship and athleticism of Max Shade~
Smith: I think he faked the stumble, Hood
Hood: And then he kicked the shit out of Dare’s face…so much for his career.
Smith: Even if his face is messed up, he’s still got that athleticism
Hood: Oh please, don’t act like his SKILLS got him to this level…it’s that fucking face…I hate it
~Shade seems pretty proud of himself. He stands over Dare and gives him a swift kick into the ribcage area! Dare kicks his legs and rolls onto his back, holding the afflicted area, coughing. Shade looks to throw another kick with a HORN sounds out! Shade turns in the direction of the horn. A gold dingy is fast approached. It barrels in between two floating apparatuses filled with fans, pushing them away from The Cube. They yell and complain. Dr. Orange is at the head of the dingy with his crazy hair flailing around in the ocean breeze. He’s got a mega phone in his hand and he yells out “CORNER HUG SMASH!” Max shakes his head ‘no’~
Smith: Here we go again…more Dr. Orange interference…you’d think after what we saw AND learned that he’d let Shade use the more advanced part of his game.
Hood: Dr. Orange is a billionaire, Smith. A billionaire! He owns gold boats. I’d listen to him over a guy with rope coming out of his head.
Smith: I’m simply stating that I think Dr. Orange is going to cost Max Shade a match at some point and, well, this could be the one…he’s clearly stalled his momentum.
Hood: You are so lucky Dr. Orange isn’t here right now to put you in your place.
~”HIGH IMPACT BACK SPLASH!” Max turns his attention away from Dare and steps toward the side of The Cube, staring at Dr. Orange. His shoulders dip. He looks almost defeated. “SMASH! SMASH!” Dr. Orange yells. Max concedes and turns around. As he does, he is met with a jumping knee to the chin by Dare!! Max falls into the ropes and Dare springs across the ring. Max steps away from the ropes, toward the center of the ring and is nailed with a spear from Dare!!! Max stumbles backward, falling on his ass as Dare holds his shoulder in pain. Dr. Orange yells out, “Weak! Can’t tackle.” Several fans look at him with angry glances. Dr. Orange shrugs and simply repeats himself, “he can’t tackle. Can’t tackle.”~
Smith: See! I told you he’d distract Shade
Hood: Did Dare throw his shoulder out trying to spear Max?
Smith: He might have, those are rock hard abs
Hood: You like those abs, don’t you.
Smith: Not in the way that you mean
~Dare gets to his feet and works his shoulder back and forth. He then runs into the ropes. Shade gets to his feet. Dare sprints ahead. Shade bends over and lifts Dare over the top rope!! Dare holds onto the top rope and his legs go straight…he hits The Cube but is able to balance himself. Shade turns around, curious why he didn’t hear a thud. Dare pushes off The Cube, comes back down and places his feet around the neck of Shade. He then pulls forward with a head scissors and sends Shade head first into the side of The Cube!! There is a THUD as the bald forehead of Shade smacks into it. The fans go wild with several female voices yelling “DARE!”~
Smith: Innovative move and not the Shade sort of innovative
Hood: Looked sloppy to me…like a wannabe gymnast.
Smith: That was excellent balance
Hood: True, Shade did execute a nice back body drop. Dr. Orange is probably really proud
~Dare is back to his feet…he rushes into the ropes again, bounces off and jumps on top of Shade, crushing his throat against the middle rope. Dare’s knees slap into The Cube. He hops off and limps around, grasping at his legs. An unforeseen consequence of THE CUBE. Shade slides off the ropes and lands on his back, sucking wind. Dare’s legs seem to be in decent enough shape and he looks to the rope. He harnesses it with one hand…but sees Max getting back to his feet.~
Smith: I think Dare’s probably been in a few ladder matches…or at least watched film…falling from a ladder, or in this case a rope, can cost you the match
Hood: Maybe he’s afraid of rope
Smith: Why would he be afraid of rope?
Hood: Third degree rope burns when he was a kid?
Smith: Yea, I don’t think so
~Max unsteadily gets back to a vertical position. He coughs and spits out a loogie, grasping his own throat and fighting for every breath. Dare looks up, measures the rope attached to the ceiling, runs for the ring ropes, bounces, comes back, and LEAPS into the air... Dare grabs the rope like a swashbuckler and swings in a big dramatic arc... HUGE kick to Max's face! Max flies backwards and collides with the treacherous wall of THE CUBE. He ricochets to the ground. A big sweaty smear is on the glass where he hit the wall. Meanwhile, Dareis still swinging in big dramatic circles... THE CUBE is rocking back and forth in the water ever so slightly... The crowd watches in anaticipation as Dare makes a second pass... then a third...~
Hood: Is this moron waiting for landing clearance from the tower or something?
Smith: That is some impressive athletics from Clemmens! I can't wait to see what he does!
Hood: For once I agree with you.
Smith: Really?
Hood: What, you don't watch YouTube? Clearly he's about to slip and careen wildly crotch-first into something.
~One more mighty swing around, and Dare sees what he was waiting for... Max finally stumbles to his feet... Dare swings around, releases the rope... HUGE BODY SPLASH- WAIT! Max catches Dare mid-splash... The big man stumbles backwards a few times, but this time the wall of THE CUBE helps to keep him steady... Dare squirms, looking for a way out... Max grits his teeth and falls forward! He crushes Dare underneath his pecs with a forward falling slam! Max's knees got underneath him, which absorbed some of the impact. Dare rolls over and clutches his ribs, coughing a bit.~
Hood: I wish Dr. Orange was here to tell us what that move was called.
Smith: That was a forward falling slam, Hood
Hood: That name sounds fake. Are you sure you're the right man for this job?
Smith: I'm serious, that's what the move is called!
~Meanwhile, Dr. Orange is still sailing around the sides of THE CUBE. He raises us the megaphone and starts chanting "CORNER HUG SMASH!" again. The nearby crowd starts chanting along: "CORNER! HUG! SMASH!" Max looks really irritated with the crowd and his manager, but finally throws his hands up in exasperation, lifts Dare to a vertical position, wraps his arms around him, and runs into the turnbuckle... CORNER HUG SMASH! Dare leans into the corner looking no worse than he did before, while Max puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head.~
Smith: Once again, the always famous Corner Hug Smash...
Hood: Devastating maneuver! Dare looks like he's been broken in half!
Smith: Really? Because I'd say he looks no worse for wear.
Hood: You really need to get your eyes checked
~Max turns around and reaches out for Dare, but is met with a kick to the stomach! And a second one! And a THIRD! Dare really working that midsection, trying to knock the wind out of Max, and it seems to be working! Max is doubled over, clutching his stomach... Dare boosts himself off the second rope, leaps up, and hits a high impact swinging DDT! Max is laid out, not moving! Dare sees his opportunity to retain, so he goes for the rope... He climbs up a few feet... He gets halfway up...~
Smith: Dare Clemmens is going to retain!
Hood: No way he's going to make it to the top
Smith: He's almost 2/3 of the way up, this could be his!
Hood: Not if Dr. Orange has anything to say about it!
Smith: What could he possibly have to say about it from outside the Cube?
Hood: Actions speak louder than words, take a look...
~Dr. Orange sees that Dare has already gotten nearly 3/4 of the way up the rope... He fires up the engine on his dinghy, points it towards THE CUBE, and RAMS the side! Dare slips a few feet but keeps his grip... However the impact stirs Max back into reality! He looks up and sees that Dare is still clinging to a high point on the rope. Officials on the beach are yelling at Dr. Orange to get out of there, but Dr. Orange is not listening, instead bringing the dinghy around for another hit. Max stumbles to his feet, just as Dare climbs back up to the 3/4 point on the rope. Max grabs the rope and starts swinging it around! Dare is grasping onto the rope, holding on for dear life, as the rope begins to spin at an almost nauseating speed! Max gives the rope one more final swing, and Dare loses his grip! He SLAMS into the unforgiving wall of THE CUBE, just as Dr. Orange is hitting the same wall of the Cube at a lower point... As Dare flops clumsily to the ground, a creaking sound can be heard...
Smith: OMG, what's going on?
Hood: Holy fuck, did you literally just say "Oh Em Gee"?!
~THE CUBE starts to tilt from the combined impact of Dare and Dr. Orange... THE CUBE TIPS SIDEWAYS INTO THE SEA! SPLASH!!! Max and Dare collide with the side of the Cube that is now submerged in water! The GIANT splash hits Dr. Orange's dinghy, and Max's manager gets capsized! He falls kicking and screaming into the water! The access hole at the top of the Cube starts to fill with water!~
Smith: Oh no, these guys are in trouble now!
Hood: I think this is about to become the first ever Drowned At Sea match!
Smith: That's not funny! Those two men are trapped in the Cube, and it's rapidly filling with water!
Hood: Hey, at least Max doesn't have to worry about climbing the rope any more!
~Dare is out cold! The pressure of water rushing in causes the Ascension Championship belt to come loose from its clip, and the belt washes into the Cube along with a bunch of water. Max is unable to fight the current of water rushing in. With the water now ankle deep inside THE CUBE, Max stops, takes a few deep breaths, takes up a strange martial arts stance... After a few seconds, he SHOUTS, runs towards the side wall of the Cube, and unleashes a MASSIVE kick to the Plexiglas, BLASTING a hole in the side! He swiftly grabs the Ascension Belt, hoists Dare's unconscious body across his shoulders, dives out of the hole, and disappears into the water... emerging a few seconds later on the shore! Max flops Dare onto the ground, coughs a few times, and slaps the wet Ascension Championship belt over his own shoulder.
Belvedere: Here is your winner... and the NEW OCW Ascension Champion... MAX SHADE!!!!!
Smith: Max Shade did it!! He’s our new Ascension Champion!
Hood: And the INTERNET IS GOING WILD
Smith: I don’t know about that
Hood: Hey…whether it be love OR hate…trust me, they aren’t sitting still
Smith: That is true…and the heroics, saving Dare from almost certain death
Hood: Was that heroic Smith…was it?
Smith: It most CERTAINLY was
Hood: How about our CUBE? It’s destroyed! What are we going to do for the Savage Championship?
Smith: That is an excellent question…I guess we’ll figure that out in due time…but first, let's check in on OCW's NEWEST Hall of Fame inductee and his...uhh...entourage
~We cut to earlier in the day. The fun and frivolities that a cheap, wrestling sponsored carnival provide fill the air. The pre-Like There’s No Tomorrow festivities are truly infectious. Behind all the hubbub and commotion is a dark, abandoned building. It appears to have been maybe an old drug store, or possibly even one of those military recruitment locations parents either avoid or rush to with a strong sense of urgency. Depends on the kid, really. A clown car is outside. A crudely painted sign reading “OCW’s house of whack” is hanging, loosely from the front. Liljungleman is standing out front, waving a wand. He’s got a wizard’s hat atop his head. He keeps yelling gibberish about “Come one, come all!” but there isn’t anybody…not a one. Time flies by quickly as we’re on a sped up reel. The sun travels across the sky and begins to set. Liljungleman remains in his wizard outfit, looking pretty bored. He kills a couple of bugs and random animals while outside the establishment. Finally, Annie Alvarez approaches with PLETHORA THE PERILOUS behind her. She seems excited until she spots the chicanery~
Annie Alvarez: What is going on? I thought you guys were running an event AT the carnival. What is this?
~Liljungleman just shrugs. Curt Canon appears from inside after hearing Annie’s voice~
Curt Canon: Aww, man…we thought it might be our first customer of the day. We wanted to put on a wacky fun house. Unfortunately, nobody showed up. How was your day?
Annie Alvarez: It was great, actually. “Plethora” here convinced them to give him a contract.
~Canon slaps Plethora on the shoulder. He barely moves~
Curt Canon: Great job…uhh, Plethora! How does it feel to be back in OCW?
Annie Alvarez: It’s just a start. We’ve still got a long way to go. Where’s Syren?
Curt Canon: He’s inside keeping the house of whack running.
Annie Alvarez: We might as well go in there…see what all you set up for nobody to enjoy.
~Curt Canon is VERY excited to hear this. He leads them inside. The interior is covered in black lighting. Five dollar hookers are dancing around aimlessly. Dirty needles are lying everywhere. Bottles of steroids are spilled all over the floor in a corner called, “Train with Scott Syren.” Pornography is airing on the televisions…and not that good old fashioned pornography either. We’re pretty sure bowls of cocaine are visible…it’s highly unlikely the substance is flour. Random beer cans and liquor bottles are strewn about and the place smells like a morgue mixed with an old taco bell refrigerator. Annie covers her nose and asks~
Annie Alvarez: Where is Syren?
Curt Canon: He’s in the back preparing his speech…come on!
~They reach a back office where Syren is reciting words off a torn, stained, crumpled sheet of paper. There is a small television at about knee height with wrestling being aired. He’s reciting his lines as though he’s some kind of British actor. Canon bursts in~
Curt Canon: Scott! Annie and “Plethora” are here!
Scott Syren: Rad. How many people showed to our house of whack?
Curt Canon: None
Scott Syren: Well that’s pretty fucking gay.
~Annie’s eyes spot the television screen. She’s watching replays from the Max Shade and Dare Clemmens match. She suddenly grows concerned~
Annie Alvarez: Oh my gosh! You guys, the show’s already started! We’re gonna miss the Hall of Fame announcement!
Scott Syren: Well we can’t have that, I’ve been working on this speech for ten years.
Curt Canon: Come on, I’ve got my car…let’s go!
~Scott Syren drops the sheet of paper as they all run out. It’s got nothing written on it…at least nothing written with VISIBLE ink. Wacky music plays as we watch from outside. The tiny clown car is front and center. Annie runs out first and hops into the car. Plethora piles in next. Then Canon. Then Liljungleman. And, finally, GIANT Scott Syren slides in with ease. The car goes “Honk! Honk!” and it takes off. It runs into a medium sized dog and nearly gets totaled. But, whoever is behind the wheel remains steadfast and keeps them on course. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: Well, there go two OCW Hall of Famers. Running late to their own Hall of Fame ceremony. In a clown car.
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
Smith: Indeed. Well folks, it may not be Massacre but we have a Massacre Rules match on the horizon and it is next!
Massacre Rules Match
”The Demon” Lance Savage (2-2) vs. “The True Living Vampire” Robert Morbidus (2-2)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall!!!
~The crowd seems confused. They aren’t sure what match this is. 'The Animal' by Disturbed plays throughout the OCW PA system and the arena goes dark while flashing blood red. A few seconds go by before 'The True Living Vampire steps through the curtain. Mr. Judas is noticeably absent from this match. Robert Morbidus views the OCW fans with absolute disdain before powering down to the ring and maintaining focus on the task at hand~
Belvedere: Introducing first, from The Other Side of Darkness…standing 6’6 and weighing in at 275lbs…”The True Living Vampire” Robert Morbidus!!!
~”Underground” by Evermore hits as Lance Savage heads to the ring. The crowd watches Savage make his way to the ring just as they did Morbidus. They aren’t cheering for either man. It’s strange. Lance Savage steps onto the apron and enters into the ring~
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Parts Unknown, standing 6’6 and weighing in at 250lbs…”The Demon” Lance Savage!!
~Belvedere moves to exit the ring as Savage and Morbidus look at each other, slightly confused. Belvedere gets one foot through the ropes before Larry the OCW Superfan, seated at ringside and wearing an ‘#OwlisNight’ t-shirt yells out “MASSACRE RULES!” Belvedere smacks his forehead and steps back into the ring~
Belvedere: Sorry about that. Almost forgot. This match will be a MASSACRE RULES MATCH!!
~The confusion from Morbidus and Savage goes away. Belvedere smiles and exits the ring. The bell sounds. The crowd breaks into a chant. “BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!” fills the arena. Savage looks to once side, Morbidus the other~
Smith: Well, I don’t think these fans are into one side or the other…they just want blood. It’s kinda sad, I think.
Hood: Hey, if you don’t want them chanting blood then don’t have “BLOOD” as your theme song. I mean did you hear the fucking thing? It was almost cultish in its repetition.
Smith: Indeed…you make a good point. So, friend Hood, who do you have in this match?
Hood: Holy fucking shit…I don’t have a clue. Didn’t one eyed Lance win the last match?
Smith: He did
Hood: Alright, I’m gonna go with him. I figured out that if you pick winners, you win more than if you pick losers.
Smith: Solid strategy
~Savage and Morbidus continue listening to the chants. Savage steps through the ropes and he reaches under the ring. He pulls out a chair. The crowd goes wild!! Savage slides it into the ring. Morbidus moves quickly, intercepting the weapon. Savage, half under the rope, pauses and slides back out. He grabs another chair…the crowd cheers yet again. He gets into the ring holding a chair as Morbidus maintains control of one of his own. There is a standoff as both men load the chair up, ready to deliver a punishing blow. “BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!” echoes throughout the arena as the fans are thirsty for that thick, red stuff~
Smith: I’m kind of sickened by our crowd right now, I have to say
Hood: It’s a Massacre Rules, match…Smith. They have to draw blood, what do you expect
Smith: Well, we are serving alcohol in here for the first time…as evidenced by the beer in your hand, so I guess all etiquette is out the window.
Hood: Doesn’t it seem strange that a Massacre Rules match is airing on a show called Like There’s No Tomorrow when we have a show called Massacre that has aired like thousands of times?
Smith: Seems a bit strange, yes. Perhaps lack of preparation or maybe correction of a previous oversight.
Hood: CLASSIC OCW, BABY!
~Morbidus swings first! Savage responds as quickly as he can. Morbidus pulls back and ducks. Savage swings wildly and staggers to the side. Morbidus stands up straight and drills Savage in the back with his chair!! Savage drops his chair stumbles forward into the ropes. He turns around and Morbidus brings the chair crashing down at his head. Savage, with his one good eye, sees the danger and he drops to the mat, rolling out of the ring. Morbidus is able to pull up before the chair slams into the top rope and ricochets back into his face. The crowd gives a decent ovation but is still wanting some blood~
Smith: We almost had an ending there but Lance Savage was able to avert an almost certain skin tearing blow.
Hood: Skin tearing blow? YEOUCH…I’m sorry, but I’d want my money back. If they are gonna charge they should know not to let their teeth get in the way.
Smith: NOT what I’m talking about…are you even watching this match?
Hood: Hmm, I have an idea that might give me a better perspective.
Smith: What are you…oh my gosh, you are going to really anger him if he sees you!
~Hood covers up his left eye with his left hand and continues watching. He uses his right hand to sip beer. Savage is across the ring, arching his back and working his shoulders, trying to loosen the pain away. Morbidus keeps an eye on Savage from inside the ring. Which is kind of rude when you think about it, seeing as he could keep TWO eyes on Savage…but I guess mental games, ya know? Savage moves to enter into the ring but Morbidus stands near the ropes with the chair locked and ready. Savage backs off. He rounds another corner and tries again to meet the same result. He turns a third corner...same action, same result. He stands back with his hands on his hips~
Smith: He’s not an idiot. Savage won’t enter that ring as long as Morbidus is waiting on him with that chair.
Hood: If Morbidus could get him to walk the other way…that might work
Smith: Why’s that? Can he not turn left?
Hood: Don’t be ridiculous! If he walked the other way his missing eye would be facing the ring…so he may not see Morbidus
Smith: Okay now THAT’s ridiculous
~Morbidus backs away. He’s not scared, nor threatened. He gives Savage the entire ring to enter. He even goes so far as to kick slide the other chair toward Savage. Savage takes a moment to observe the situation. He slides in under the bottom rope and grabs the chair. He stands up and faces Morbidus…both men wielding their chairs. Savage looks more aggressive this time…he rears back with the chair and acts like he’s going to bring it crashing down onto Morbidus. Morbidus reacts defensively. Savage alters the course of trajectory and slams the top of the chair into the gut of Morbidus!! Morbidus staggers back against the ropes. Savage delivers an uppercut swing with the chair…Morbidus gets his arm in the way, but the impact is still brutal. Morbidus goes over the top rope and he lands, violently on the outside, dropping his chair. Puff hustles over, already sweating despite minimal work. He checks Morbidus for blood as Savage stands inside the ring, looking down~
Smith: I’m not sure Puff is going to make it through the night…he’s already sweating something fierce.
Hood: Fucking fatass internet geek.
Smith: However that was a nice comeback by Savage…now he owns the ring
Hood: Too bad this isn’t an own the ring match
Smith: That might not be a bad match concept.
Hood: Are you shitting me? That’s worse than a fucking bull rope match
~Puff stands up and wipes his slick brow. While breathing heavily he gives the ‘okay’ sign to Scruff. Savage doesn’t wait. He goes straight after Moribids. He heads through the ropes, chair in hand. Morbidus is on his knees, hands clutching the top of the barricade. Savage drills him in the back with the chair!! Morbidus falls over, onto his back and winces in pain. Savage brings another crushing blow down at the face of Morbidus…but Robert rolls out of the way! The chair hits the ground harshly and Savage drops it, holding his hands in pain~
Smith: Nearly a death blow there
Hood: Damn, is that like a super chair?
Smith: Well in terms of the match stipulations
Hood: THIS IS A DEATH MATCH?
Smith: No it is not!
Hood: Oh, okay…I was about to say…I can see why OCW had such a hard time moving forward with it.
~Morbidus gets to his knees and crashes in on Savage’s legs with a double leg take down! Savage falls to the floor. Morbidus quickly, scary quickness…climbs over the top of Savage’s body and starts to pummel him in the face. Savage tries to block the fists as best he can. Morbidus reaches for the good eye of Savage as the fans hold their breath~
Smith: He’s going after his remaining eye!!
Hood: So this is a Make your opponent go blind match?
Smith: NO
Hood: Okay, I was about to say…that stip is pretty fucking unfair for Lance Savage
~Savage responds by biting Robert’s hand! Morbidus doesn’t seem all that affected until he realizes it could bleed. He throws a forearm down into the head of Savage, knocking him silly. Savage lets go and Morbidus gets to his feet, shaking his hand. Puff runs over to look at it…there are some teeth marks, but no blood~
Smith: Another close one
Hood: Biting, for real? I guess that’s what happens when your fucking blind
Smith: He has one eye
Hood: Well he was blind for a minute there
Smith: True, good point
Hood: Do you think one eyed people can wink and walk at the same time
Smith: Stop it
~Puff signals to Scruff that everything is okay. Morbidus shakes his hand, wringing out the pain. Savage gets to his feet and he charges at Morbidus. Morbidus displays his quickness again, turning Savage’s momentum against him with a drop toe hold!! Savage falls FACE FIRST into the side of the steps!! There is a loud “CLANG!” as the steps semi separate. Savage rolls around, holding his face in pain. Puff is halfway across the ring, returning to his seat. He’s told to go check on Savage and rolls his eyes. His heavy frame heads over there. We zoom in on Savage and see what looks like blood on the edge of his right hand. He instantly rolls away, keeping his face shielded. Puff finally arrives and tries checking on him~
Smith: Was that blood? This one could be over!
Hood: Wow, that was quick…fucking missing eye cost him. He tripped right into those steps.
Smith: With help from Robert Morbidus
Hood: So is Morbidus going to drink the blood after the match or what?
Smith: I certainly hope not!
~Puff is trying to get a look at Savage’s face but he’s doing a great job keeping it concealed. Morbidus remains pretty stoic but you can tell he’s frustrated. Puff takes a seat on the first step to catch his breath…he keeps telling Savage “Show me your face” as Savage is head first in a corner, face down. Finally, he rolls around and is seated on his ass, with his back to the barricade. His face looks fine. Puff leans in and nods, he gives the thumb up to Scruff~
Smith: It appears he’s all good…just a slight scare.
Hood: So was that red corn syrup on his hand?
Smith: Could have been the lighting, Hood
Hood: We have red lights? I didn’t know we went THAT all out for Massacre and our OCW color scheme.
~Morbidus kicks Savage in the chest. He pulls Savage to his feet…as he does, we see something wet and dark where Savage had been leaning, face down. Morbidus shoves Savage against the ring post. He grabs Savage around the ears and slams the back of his head into the ring post…there is a sickening ‘PING’. Morbidus tosses Savage into the ring. He then reaches underneath, looking for something particular~
Smith: What is he looking for?
Hood: A leprechaun?
Smith: GET SERIOUS…he said he’d retire if he lost this match…do you think that, maybe he stashed something?
Hood: Do vampires stash shit?
Smith: Oh all the time…didn’t you read Bram Stoker’s Dracula…all those coffins and earth he was stashing in that house when he was interested in chasing down…
Hood: NERD ALERT
~Morbidus finds a chair…he pulls it out. But it’s not just any chair…it’s a chair wrapped in Barbed Wire!! He tosses it into the ring and walks up the steps. Savage gets to his feet and he goes for the chair. Morbidus enters the ring with Savage holding the chair. Savage takes a swing at Morbidus and misses. Morbidus reaches out and the thumbs Savage in his good eye!! Savage stumbles around, blindly. Morbidus rips the chair away~
Smith: Sound strategy
Hood: That’s a BITCH ass move
Smith: Oh so now you’re defending Savage?
Hood: No, he’s still a one-eyed freak but, man…poking a one eyed man in his one eye…that’s some next level douche baggery.
~Morbidus DRILLS Savage in the back with the barbed wire chair. Savage has a thick shirt on, so there’s no evidence of blood. Savage stands upright, grimacing. He’s feeling around, still blinded. Morbidus swings at The Demon’s head. The Demon finds the top rope, falls to the mat and quickly rolls out of the ring as Morbidus misses~
Smith: Fortuitous move by Lance Savage…Robert Morbidus was a few inches away from slicing him open.
Hood: Slicing? Easy there, Knife Man
Smith: You know, I actually had dinner with him the other night. Great fellow. The place forgot my steak knife but he was more than happy to lend a help cut.
Hood: Wait…so, the obvious aside…you were cool with letting him cut your fucking food up with something he uses to operate on people with…or fix machines with?
Smith: I’m sure he washes it…or has different ones or…you know what? I’d rather not think about it. That steak was delicious and the company was just as good!
~Morbidus drops the chair in the ring and heads out through the ropes. He creeps up behind Savage and turns him around. Morbidus nails Savage in the throat with a thrust strike. Savage staggers against the barricade. Morbidus charges in with a big boot…Savage moves and Mobridus gets crotched on the barricade!! Savage pulls Morbidus off the barricade and drops him outside with a DDT! Savage wipes underneath his eye patch carefully as Puff runs around to check on Robert’s head. He’s clean, so the match continues~
Smith: Well Lance Savage can see again!
Hood: Kind of…I mean he isn’t totally fucking blind anymore
Smith: And Robert Morbidus remains clean of blood
Hood: Do you think he’s a bloodaholic? Like how much blood is too much for a vampire? When do the other vampires stop and say “Whoa man, you’ve gotta slow down?”
Smith: I don’t have any idea
~Savage walks up to Larry the OCW Superfan. He’s still mourning what happened to Alice. Savage rips his Owlhead mask off and folds it into something sharp. It is made of hard plastic, after all. He holds it like a pick. Morbidus gets to his feet, a bit wobbly. Savage measures him up and lunges forward in a stabbing motion! Moribdus moves and Savage stabs the ring apron!! The folded mask impales through and gets stuck. Savage tries to pull it out, but finds the task harder than he anticipated. Morbidus kicks him in the gut!! Savage staggers against the barricade and receives a clothesline!! He flips over the barricade, into the crowd~
Smith: An example of how you can take something so pure, so good and make it EVIL
Hood: Are you talking about Lance Savage’s childhood?
Smith: NO! I’m talking about what he attempted to do with that mask
Hood: Seriously? That’s like the only time this owl shit has had any relevance
~Puff leans over the barricade. Savage has his back to Puff, rubbing his face. He turns around and Puff narrows his eyes. He then nods and says “No blood.” Morbidus reaches over and grabs Savage by the hair. He hooks him and lifts him with a suplex! He drops him back into the ringside area…the legs of Savage slam against the apron! He grabs his right knee in pain~
Smith: Great sequence there by Morbidus…he’s taken control of The Demon
Hood: I tell ya…for being a rookie, The Demon isn’t half bad
Smith: Ugh…he wrestled in OCW back in 2014!
Hood: Hmm, can’t say I remember that…I thought this was his debut.
Smith: Yea, right
~Morbidus reaches under the ring and grabs a black bag. He slides it into the ring. He grabs Savage by the hair and tosses him into the ring. He climbs onto the apron. Savage gets to his feet and he knees Morbidus in the gut. Savage reaches over and hooks Morbidus around the waist, as Morbs has doubled over…he shows tremendous power in lifting him up, turning around and powerbombing Morbidus onto the barbed wire chair!!! Morbs arches his back and winces as Scruff slides into the ring, to help the cumbersome Puff. He starts to check underneath Morbs back~
Smith: Is there blood? Do we have blood??
Hood: Shit, are YOU a bloodaholic?
Smith: That doesn’t exist!
Hood: Oh I’m sure it does…there’s a disease or condition for everything these days
~Scruff deems Morbidus clean and the match continues. Out of his one good eye, Savage spots the bag. He picks it up, opens the top and spills the contents onto the mat. They are nails. Not super long nails…but legitimate nails. He tosses the bag aside and places his hands on his hips, looking at the hardware. The fans chant “HOLY SHIT!” Savage nods and says, “Alright, let’s do this.” He goes after Morbidus~
Smith: Well, this is a new low
Hood: OR high
Smith: I don’t think using nails to make someone bleed is a high point
Hood: Then you haven’t lived
~He picks Morbidus up and goes to slam him onto the nails. Morbidus bites Savage in the shoulder!! Savage lets Morbidus go. Scruff checks the bite, no blood. Savage turns around and receives a palm strike into the patched eye!! He stumbles back and quickly turns away. Morbidus looks at his palm and sees red. Savage looks back at Morbidus and attacks him before he gets to Scruff. Morbidus fights Savage off with a knee to the chin. Savage stumbles back. Morbidus looks at his hand again and the red is gone. He yells for Scruff to come over~
Smith: I’m telling you, I think Lance Savage has a cut under his eye patch
Hood: You would point out his disability, wouldn’t you? Heartless bastard
Smith: I’m not taking any of that from you
Hood: Oh you’ll take it and you’ll like it!
~Morbidus points to his face at the eye Savage has bandaged. He mentions blood. Scruff nods and walks over. Savage is now sitting against the bottom buckle. Scruff asks for Savage to lift his patch. Savage acts offended. Scruff seems uncomfortable. He asks again with a ‘please’. Savage vehemently denies access. Scruff stands up and scratches his head, confused on what to do. Puff is fanning himself in the background, exhausted~
Smith: Awkward situation…how do you ask a man wearing an eye patch to lift his patch. He’s obviously insecure over its appearance.
Hood: He shouldn’t…it’s a rude thing to do. Give the man and that crater in his face some privacy.
Smith: Horribly put
Hood: You think that statement was ugly…just wait until they make him lift that eye patch up.
~Scruff finally gives in. He steps to Morbidus and explains he’s not going to make a man with a handicap expose that handicap without any hard evidence. Morbidus grabs Scruff by the collar and starts to choke him. Savage gets to his feet and he runs forward, nailing Morbidus with a forearm!! Morbidus falls back into a corner, letting Scruff go~
Smith: Lance Savage seems to be quite the opportunist
Hood: And a BIG fan of Scruff
Smith: An unintended side effect
Hood: Scruff should buy that man a basket…or, perhaps, a glass eye.
Smith: Really.
Hood: Hey, could have won him this match. Morbidus punches him in the glass eye, it breaks and slices his hand…boom, match over.
~Savage corners Morbidus. Morbidus reaches out for the patch. Savage gets really defensive. Morbidus punches Savage in the head!! Savage staggers…Morbidus lifts him onto his shoulders and does an Airplane Spin as he walks in front of the nails~
Smith: Oh no!
Hood: Dude’s about to get nailed…and not in the good way
~Savage slips off and turns Morbidus around…he knees Morbidus in the gut, hoists him over his shoulder and DROPS him with VICIOUS DEATH onto the nails!! Morbidus falls over as blood starts to leak from the back of his head, onto the mat. Scruff nods and says, “Oh yea, that’s blood.” He calls for the bell~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…”THE DEMON” LANCE SAVAGE!!!!!
~Savage does not spend any time in the ring. He bolts through the ropes and walks, rushed toward the back. Medics check on Morbidus~
Smith: Let’s hope The True Living Vampire is, well, just that.
Hood: They can survive nails, right?
Smith: As long as those nails aren’t made of wood, I’d guess
Hood: Right on…I guess Lance Savage is trying to hurry and catch happy hour
Smith: That or he’s hiding something under that patch
Hood: Well of course he’s hiding something under that patch…his missing eye!
Smith: Right, sure…whatever…folks, we’re halfway through our lineup tonight with three huge matches left to go…let’s head backstage as this mess is cleaned up.
~ The camera fades backstage at Like There’s No Tomorrow and you see “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell inside the hallway as he is getting warmed up for his match against Mack O’Connor later on tonight. CJ has on green wireless headphones as he begins to do his stretches. CJ spreads his feet apart and begins to bend down so both of his palms touch the floor completely flat. After about 30 seconds he slowly comes back up and is a little startled. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “I wasn't expecting you for another thirty minutes you are early.”
~ Walking up to him was his guest for the night, Josie Barnes, as she smiles at him. She knew he wasn’t expecting her, but she was showing he wouldn’t need to wait on her. She lightly laughs, as she is looking at him. ~
Josie Barnes: “I wanted to surprise you. Plus didn’t want you to wait for me.”
~ As CJ wipes off his hands on his wrestling tights. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “Well I wanna say thank you for accepting my invite to come out here for Like There’s No Tomorrow. How was your flight?”
~ CJ leans in to give Josie a hug as she returns it. She shrugs her shoulders lightly. ~
Josie Barnes: “It was alright. Quiet, and was ready to land when I did. I’m glad you asked, gives me chance to see more matches, pick up on more things for my training. I want to make sure I know enough before I sign anywhere.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Very smart of you. Are you sure you are a rookie?
~ As O’Donnell let's a smile in the direction of Josie. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “So I would ask you how things are going but something tells me that things haven't changed any.”
Josie Barnes: “I am a rookie, just a smart one. Might help who I am training with, and seen what others go through who don’t take the time.”
~Josie smiles back at him, before she lightly shrugs her shoulders.~
Josie Barnes: ”Honestly, I don’t know. Sometimes seem better, sometimes seems not. I’m just letting things go, and see where it ends up.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Well the more time you put into wrestling the more you will get out of it. That includes watching footage, getting your body in shape, mental stability as well as preparing yourself for the unexpected. Something tells me you have that last one covered as you seem to have had a hard life at such a young age. But if there is anything I can do to help you Josie just say the word.”
~ Josie nods her head, as she looks down, not wanting to think of her past. ~
Josie Barnes: “Yeah Jan, and his group makes sure we know things we need to do to be ready, help prepare us. Encourage us to go to different wrestling companies to see their shows. I’m still learning how to deal with some unexpected things, but you have helped me out a lot. Your advice, inviting me to come here even. Thank you for it.”
CJ O’Donnell: “No need to thank me. You seem like a sweet girl just be careful as someone will try to take advantage of that. Just keep your guard up at all times as some people love to stir the pot. And yes I am one of those people but that is only if you cross me. I'm sure you have heard some stories about me already.”
Josie Barnes: “I just know you have been former champion, hold a title now with your partner. I don’t listen to a lot of stories, as sometimes you can be terrible to one person, but not someone else. All depends on who it is. I am careful, and keep my guard up. If anything don’t have the confidence to really be round most to let them take advantage of me being sweet. I need work on that.”
~ CJ gives a slight nod as he seems to be very impressed with how Josie is conducting herself. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “In some ways you are better off keeping to yourself or to a small group of friends. That way if shit does hit the fan you can fix the problem easier and without much chaos most of the time. So what are you looking for in a promotion after you pass your training with Jan?”
~ Josie could tell he was impressed with her, as she smiles lightly. ~
Josie Barnes: “i would say I have a very small group of friends. Even if chaos can still happen in a small group. I want to find a promotion that won’t just treat me like I am nothing just because I am a rookie. One that will help me even more in growing, and moving forward in my career when it starts. I know don’t expect title shots right away, but I also don’t want to be treated like dirt either.”
CJ O’Donnell: “All very fair things to ask for. I'm sure you also want to earn everything as you don't want locker room chatter. I said it before and I'll say it again OCW is always looking for talent and if you want after all your training is done I'll speak to Mr. Walsh on your behalf. You'll get a fair shot here just like I have.”
~ Josie looks at him, as she thinks about what he says. ~
Josie Barnes: “Of course i would want to earn it. I rather earn it, than be just given it, or even over hyped to be something I’m not. It’s something I have noticed about some people as well. I still have a bit of training to go, but I am going to keep it in mind. Least I know I would have one friend here if I did decide to come here.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Yeah not many people would call me a friend. I usually get something like asshole or douche bag or home wrecker. So what have you found to be the hardest thing to do thus far in training?”
Josie Barnes: “Haven’t been an asshole to me, or a douche bag. Last I knew I was single, so no home wrecker for that. I know people can, and will say things, they do already at training, but I been trying to not let them bother me. It’s for most part not letting things outside of training cloud my mind when I am training is the hardest part.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Yeah you will get the hang of it Josie. What happens once that bell rings is a lot different than any of your friends or family will understand. They won’t understand the reason why you push yourself to endless limits. Do not even try to explain it to them as you will just have them scratching their head. Well I doubt this will happen but if you are ever in a bind and need a sparring partner or someone to go for a run or hit the gym with. You have my number just give me a ring.”
Josie Barnes: “Well helps most of my friends I have right now are wrestlers, so they already understand. My family… no need to explain anything to them really. I think that would be fun to spar with you, or even go for a run or hit the gym. Maybe we can while I am still here.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Sounds good to me let me just go beat that fake mick Mack O’Connor tonight. I think I am going to look good being a double champion here in OCW. As far as your friends that are wrestlers keep that circle fall because the bigger it is the more likely of a chance one of them will stab you in the back just to get ahead of you in the business.”
Josie Barnes: “It’s already small, only a few in it. I will remember to keep it small, rather not be stabbed in the back again….”
~ She looks down, before looking back up at him smiling. ~
Josie Barnes: “You will for sure look good with two titles. Sure you will really have the females wanting you after that. Will make this trip even better getting to watch you win it even.”
CJ O’Donnell: “It is going to be a wonderful sight watching Treat Cassidy trying to explain to the world how I just defeated two thirds of his clients in a matter of two weeks. The only person left he can throw at me is MJ Bell and I’ll slap the platinum off her. Focusing on her head she seems like a Dravers Boy worshipper. As far as the ladies go they come and go it is kind of like a revolving door and I don’t mean that in a sexual way. One minute they think you’re great the next they hate your guts. I am sure you will get a lot of attention with the male audience. Keep your head up and stay focused Josie.”
Josie Barnes: A Dravers Boy worshipper, does not sound fun. I am sure you will have no problem taking her out after these other two. Maybe I can come watch that happen as well. I think it would be fun, and I can learn a lot more. I could care less right now on male audience, even in the future. I think it may fall in line with the whole keeping small group of friends. I though won’t let that stop me from going out every once in a while with someone. For most part, my head is staying up, and I will try to stay focused. If I forget, I will just think of you, and be reminded to.”
CJ O’Donnell: “Always keep it up and remain confident in yourself because if you believe in yourself nothing will stop you from reaching your goals. In due time MJ and CJ will come face to face right now I’ll let her think she is the top dog here so when the opportunity is right I’ll strike and seeing the look on her face when she fails will be priceless. But sit back and relax. Enjoy Like There’s No Tomorrow. Take it all it and if you want to reflect on anything just let me know.”
~ Josie nods her head, as she smiles at him. ~
Josie Barnes: “I will remember that. See you helping me out even more. Have to thank you a lot for it really. The top dog, so you can take her down. I like the sound of that really. Noticed it’s good to make a lot of priceless moments when wrestle. I am sure I will enjoy the show, I get to see you wrestle, and win a title. I am sure we will see each other after the show, I am sure I will reflect with you on a lot of things.”
~ CJ gives Josie the thumbs up. ~
CJ O’Donnell: “Absolutely we will and I’ll make a promise to you when you sign with that promotion and have your first match I’ll be cheering you on. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to stretch properly I would hate to get something like a leg cramp during the match. That’s another thing always stretch before and after a match it does wonders.”
Josie Barnes: “That is a good promise. I will make sure to hold you to that. Have my own fan in the crowd cheering me on. Just gives me more motivation to do my best, and finish training so I can get signed. I will remember to stretch, I promise that. I should find my seat also.”
CJ O’Donnell: “No need to worry about finding it. I made sure you got the best seat in the house. Front row right behind Hood and Smith. You are going to get plenty of tv time. I’ll see you after the show Josie.”
~ CJ gives Josie another hug as he continues his stretches by putting his left hand against his right arm which is behind his head and pushes down. She watches him for a few seconds as she nods her head. ~
Josie Barnes: “See you after the show CJ.”
~ She turns, as she starts to walk away, so she could get to her seat. CJ places the headphones back over his head... ~
CJ O’Donnell: “I AM PHENOMENAL!”
~ CJ continues get loose as he starts doing jumping jacks. Barry Man is Low appears. CJ stops and removes his headphones ~
CJ O’Donnell: What do you want?
Eastern European: The Distinkish! Hi there! I have preposition for you.
~CJ tries putting the headphones back on but what EE says next garners his interest~
Eastern European: You are man of the ladies. I see this. The Owl is Night was opposed to shoot tv ad for cruise boat. She of course hurt now. I wonder if you be happy in doing this? It pay good.
CJ O’Donnell: I’m sure it does. But I have match.
~CJ mocks EE’s bad grasp of the English language~
Eastern European: Oh yes, this I know. But it only take like fifteen minute. I promise. Be really good, quick money. Plus, you do me favor, I pleasure you back.
~CJ steps back~
CJ O’Donnell: Uh, no thanks. The money will be fine. Where do I go?
~Barry Man is Low hands CJ some instructions. We cut back to ringside~
Smith: CJ is the most popular man in OCW
Hood: No shit, guy gets more pussy than a toilet seat
Smith: Gross
Hood: But true
Smith: I wish I got the opportunity to do ads for cruise lines. I’ve never even been on a cruise boat.
Hood: They are fucking awesome. You probably wouldn’t like it though…with your pale and frail features.
Smith: Leave me alone.
Hood: Kinda hard to do when I sit right next to you.
Hood: How does it feel…working for a company with a common match stip you are unable to speak aloud?
Smith: Well, I’m glad you asked. The best way I could describe it is…
Hood: Haha, sorry, I don’t really care…I was just humoring myself.
Smith: I hate you. Let’s head down to ringside
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…it is now time for the OH SHIT Battle Royal Tables Match!!! In order to be eliminated you must go over the top rope and through a table. The last person standing wins an Oh Shit Contract and, therefore, a title opportunity at any OCW Title aside from the OCW Championship. Introducing first…
~Smart Went Crazy begins echoes throughout the arena and Bob Grenier makes his way out to a nice ovation. He slaps the hands of his fans while he mouths the words of the song to himself, about half way down the aisle he stops and looks up and throws both hands in the air in tribute to his deceased relatives. He looks directly into the OCW camera and then playfully turns it towards the audience before he slides under the bottom rope. The fans continue to cheer as he sits on the top turnbuckle silently awaiting his opponents~
Belvedere: From Timmins, Ontario, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 222lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…Bob Grenier!!!
Smith: Bob looks ready!
Hood: He always looks that way before every match…same routine, EVERYTHING
Smith: It’s called being consistent, Hood
Hood: Blah
Smith: Well folks, these entrances are going to take some time so let’s head up to one of our exclusive VIP boxes where I’m told GM Marcus Welsh is engaging in a meeting with one of OCW’s most sought after Free Agents!
~We cut to a shot in the upper portion of the OCW Arena. It’s an enclosed area. It becomes obvious we are looking at VIP seating. Marcus Welsh, dressed in a tailored suit, is sitting with one leg over the other, sipping on an Old Fashioned. It’s very Don Draper for all you Mad Men fans out there. Behind him is the figure of an attractive female. She turns around with a drink in her hand. The crowd cheers when they see her face. It’s Julliet Brooks. She takes a seat next to Welsh with a table in between them. Welsh reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out an OCW contract. He sets it on the table and twirls it around to where it is facing Julliet. He lays out five different colored pens: Red, Blue, Pink, Purple, and Brown~
Marcus Welsh: Ah shit, sorry about that brown one. I don’t know who bought it but rest assured they will be punished by having to use it every day for the rest of their lives…or until it runs out of ink…whichever comes first.
~She laughs and looks at the papers in front of her then twirls a pen around~
Julliet Brooks: So, what exactly is in this contract that you're handing to me?
Marcus Welsh: As you can see it's typed in Courier New which, as I remember from college, makes it look longer than it actually is. It also has several four syllable and above words which, ya know, always helps in keeping a level of professionalism. My name is on it, your name is on it and, there might be a tidbit in there about you competing in OCW.
Julliet Brooks: First and foremost I've seen what your company has to offer and I must say that I enjoy what you are putting out there. That is why I'm having a difficult time coming up with an answer.
~She sighs and leans back on the chair while taking a moment to sip on her drink. Welsh nods toward the bartender. He walks over to top off Julliet's drink~
Marcus Welsh: Well I do appreciate that...as the OCW fans and crew knows I'm deeply involved with the day to day operations. I've personally overseen the success of Alice Knight and MJ Bell...I think you could be the next great female star of OCW.
Julliet Brooks: Is that so? Well I appreciate the compliment. I pride myself on my hard work that I bring to any company. With that being said I believe I know what the right thing to do.
~Welsh waves the waiter away before he's able to pour more liquor into Julliet's drink. He reaches for the red pen~
Marcus Welsh: Excellent. I think this is the start of a lucrative relationship. Will red suffice?
Julliet Brooks: Hear me out. You see as you are probably aware I'm a busy women in and out of the ring, so I'm going to have to decline your offer as a full time competitor, but.. I'd still like to be involved. That is why I'm offering my services for a one night only match in the month of June. Any date, and to make things interesting I will let you pick the stimulation and opponent of your choosing. How does that sound?
She gets out of her chair, pushes it out of the way and leans against the desk. Welsh leans back. The negotiations have taken an unexpected turn. He hurls the red pen out of the vip box, it hits some fan beneath them. The fan screams but nobody cares. He then grabs the brown pen~
Marcus Welsh: Well Miss Brooks, if that's all we can get, then I guess we'll take it.
Julliet Brooks: It's a pleasure to do business with you.
~She extends her hand and offers a handshake to him. Welsh accepts the hand shake. He stands up and collects the contract~
Marcus Welsh: Any time and, please, continue to enjoy the amenities for the rest of the evening.
~As he walks past the bar he looks at the bartender and whispers "nothing top shelf" and exits the VIP suite. We focus back on Hood and Smith~
Smith: I thought we had her!
Hood: WHAT A TEASE
Smith: Well she is available for a match in June.
Hood: Man, fuck that noise. Don’t you know the economy is going to have collapsed by then?
Smith: I don’t know that…in fact, nobody does
Hood: I bet Dr. Orange does
Smith: I seriously hope he’s not on the inside of anything other than his own head
Hood: And what a magnificent head he’s got…atop his shoulders, of course
Smith: Thanks for the unnecessary clarification. Wow, folks these entrances are STILL going on...so let's take a look at that neato cruise line ad that CJ is stepping in on for our injured champ.
Hood: It better not be too 'neato' otherwise he might just skip out on his match and party the rest of the day away
Smith: He's too much of a competitor for that
CJ O’Donnell: Oh, hey, didn’t see you there…just enjoying the Florida sun. I know what you’re thinking, “should he really be drinking before his big match inside the cube?” And the answer is…does it matter? No, it doesn’t.
~CJ heads over to the bar with one of the females under his arm. Her drink is empty and his will be soon. He walks up to the bar and orders two more drinks. The girl wedges between CJ and a bald man in a thin, white t-shirt and jeans. CJ continues looking at the camera~
CJ O’Donnell: Mack O’Conner is a loser. He’s not on my level. That’s evidenced by the way he attacks me…he tries to undercut my achievements, my conquests. It’s little man syndrome at its finest. When I saw his little picnic charade I knew right there I had him beat…so why stress? It’s a lovely day and the female form is in full display here on the deck of Secure Cruise Lines. I'll show you what all these state of the art boats have to offer...all the luxuries that someone like Mack O'Connor would never be able to afford.
~The drinks are ready. The bartender places them in front of the girl. She grabs hers and then picks up CJ’s…it’s a double shot of whiskey, neat. The bald man suddenly rips it away and shoves the girl down. She screams as she hits on her knees, roughly and drops her fruity drink, spilling it all over the deck. CJ turns his attention toward the commotion and gets DRILLED in the head by the glass filled with whiskey~
Smith: Hood, look! It’s Mack O’Connor!
Hood: Drinking on the job, what a lush
Smith: So was CJ
Hood: No, CJ wasn’t drinking…he was enjoying the significance of an upscale whiskey.
Smith: Whatever.
~Mack continues punching CJ. His shades break in half and fall to the ground. CJ backs up, nearing the edge of the cruise ship. The people on board want to interject but are too afraid because Mack is pissed. With each punch he yells, “Stupid mother fucker!” “Take that you dumbass bitch!” CJ is leaning against the edge now. Mack steps back and he clotheslines CJ over the railing!!! The crowd screams. Our view shoots forward~
Smith: OH NO!!
Hood: HOLY SHIT
~We look over the railing and see a ripple effect with some fizz. It becomes obvious CJ fell over and landed into the water. Our camera turns to Mack almost wanting an explanation for his actions~
Mack O’Connor: There’s only so much I can take. If that pussy wants my Savage Title he can swim out of the fucking ocean and meet me in The Cube. I’ll be waiting.
~Mack walks off and reaches over the bar, grabbing a bottle of Jameson. He then exits the deck, heading off the ship. We cut back to Hood and Smith. Smith appears shocked while Hood looks like he rather enjoyed what he saw~
Smith: That was unprofessional, unacceptable and, well, probably criminal.
Hood: Meaning it was AWESOME. Look, I dig Aptitude and CJ is a boss…no doubt. But Mack just showed that you don’t fuck with an O’Connor.
Smith: So is the match on?
Hood: If CJ can fish himself out of that ocean
Smith: That’s a huge ship to swim around…but he’s in peak condition…but my goodness, how tired will he be?
Hood: I don’t know, not my problem and, apparently, not Mack’s either.
Smith: An interesting development that we hope doesn't ruin what should be a great match. In the meantime, I'm told we have only one entrance remaining so let's head down to ringside as it's time for the Oh s...SNAP match
Hood: Haha, you almost fucked up there...alllllmost
Oh Shit Match
Battle Royal Tables Match
Bob Grenier (3-3) vs. Chaotic (1-0) vs. Damian K’ (0-0) vs. Iggy Hardy (1-2) vs. Jonathan Dravers (2-2) vs. Mark Storm (0-0) vs. Nathan Dravers (2-3) vs. PerZag (3-2)
~We come back to find all the contestants in the ring, awaiting the arrival of the final participant. Tables surround the ring, aside from the entrance. The tables are two deep, situated horizontally, parallel to the apron. Suddenly, “Top of the World” by Van Halen begins to play. The fans jump to their feet and chant “IGGY!” Iggy Hardy calmly walks out from behind the curtain. He’s got a big smile and friendly palm…using it to wave to everyone~
Belvedere: And the final participant…standing 6’1 and weighing in at 230lbs…he is from Hawk’s Bluff, North Carolina…Iggy Hardy!!!
~Iggy walks over and shakes the hand of a special needs fan~
Smith: Isn’t this nice? Iggy Hardy is a great guy when he’s not, you know
Hood: Intense?
Smith: Exactly…showing this type of equanimity on this stage
Hood: LITERALLY
Smith: Huh?
Hood: He’s LITERALLY on a stage
Smith: Uhh, okay…but showing this type of composure tells me that Iggy might be the favorite
~A snap is heard. A light from above breaks off and falls. It drills Iggy right in the head. Iggy falls face first onto the stage. He’s not moving. People scream and gasp. The special needs kid tries to pull his hand away…but Iggy’s grip remains too tight~
Smith: Oh dear
Hood: Well, one of two things is about to happen and neither are gonna be good
Smith: For once, we agree
~Iggy’s body begins to shake. The crowd feels nervous. Iggy leaps to his feet with INTENSITY!! He hurls his arms into the air. The special kids need flies across the ramp way off screen…we will assume he landed on something very soft and safe with fresh ice cream waiting on him. Iggy’s eyes are wide…his veins are protruding…he looks at the ring and screams “FUCK YOU ALL!!” He sprints down the aisle way. Everybody in the ring braces…the bell rings. Iggy jumps, flatfooted, from the floor and over the top rope…with a little help from his hands…he isn’t THAT athletic. Iggy charges at all the competitors…they put their differences aside and retaliate~
Smith: Well, I guess Iggy is all in
Hood: Not the smartest strategy I’ve ever seen in these matches but…it’s Iggy Hardy
Smith: I’m hoping this young man considers rehab
Hood: Why? That would ruin his fucking career, man
~They begin to subdue Iggy. Suddenly a voice powers through the bodies, “FUCK MY ASS!!” Everybody flies backward!! Iggy reaches for the ceiling, screaming! Mark Storm gets to his feet first and he throws a kick at Iggy. Iggy blocks it, grabs Storm by the throat and throws him over the top rope…Storm CRASHES through TWO tables! The fans go wild chanting “IGGY! IGGY!” as Iggy screams and runs around like a maniac~
Smith: Kind of disappointing
Hood: Yea, I thought Iggy could throw him farther than that
Smith: Not that…Mark Storm’s return
Hood: Meh, that’s Mark Storm…one week he’ll look like a champion…the next week, well, you just saw
~Iggy gets to the center of the ring and starts screaming obscenities. Out of nowhere the Dravers Boys drill him with their double superkick (Seeing Double)!! Iggy goes limp and falls face first onto the mat. Jonathan and Nathan rush over, grabbing Iggy and dragging him near the side where Storm went over. There aren’t any tables. Jonathan blames Nathan…Nathan snaps back. They argue for a moment~
Smith: C’mon guys! Get back on the same page!
Hood: Are we SURE these guys are twins? If so, they are really the worst twins ever right now
Smith: Every relationship has its peaks and valleys
Hood: What about CANYONS?
Smith: Neaux!
~Chaotic runs up and drills Jonathan in the back of the head with a kick. Jonathan goes over the top rope…Nathan grabs his legs, keeping him from going out. Chaotic kicks Nathan in the gut and drags him into the center of the ring. He drops Nathan with a DDT. Chaotic runs into the ropes but is met with a lariat from Grenier!!! Grenier stomps the shit out of Chaotic until PerZag grabs him by the hair…Zag drags him into the nearest corner and rams his face repeatedly into the top buckle. The two tables are replaced as Storm has been helped to the back~
Smith: The action is really picking up! PerZag still holds animosity toward Bob
Hood: Well of course he does…Bob is responsible for our OCW Title situation…PerZag SHOULD have been champ
Smith: Alice won that match fair and square
Hood: If It had been one on one, PerZag defeats her…easily
~Zag flips Grenier around and knees him in the gut. He lifts Grenier up on the top rope and works on pushing him over. Tables are beneath him and the fall would assuredly break one of them. Damian K’ sees this and heads over, aiding PerZag. Grenier is halfway out, clinging to the top rope for life. Chaotic slowly rises…he sees Grenier nearly out and his mask sort of ruffles with excitement. He heads over, stepping on Iggy’s pinky. Iggy’s body begins to shake~
Smith: Oh no, not again
Hood: Haha, he’s like a fucking geyser
Smith: What do you think about Damian K’?
Hood: I don’t know much about him…smart, though…why not help eliminate arguably the biggest threat?
Smith: Indeed…he’s a guy nobody is talking about that could win this thing
~Iggy kicks to his feet!!! He sprints over and grabs Chaotic by the mask. He yells “TO THE FUCKING MOON!” and throws Chaotic over the top rope!! He throws him so far that Chaotic misses the top tables, landing roughly. Grenier uses the distraction to thumb Zag in the eye. Zag reacts by staggering…his elbow catches Damian in the head. Damian, as a result turns and stumbles out of the corner. Iggy rushes at Damian who is near the ropes. Damian looks up and meets Iggy in the middle of the ring with a loud “SMACK”. Neither man moves. Iggy throws a punch, Damian knees Iggy in the gut, hooks him…lifts him up and drills him head first with a Brainbuster!! Iggy’s body goes still as the fans seem impressed with Damian K’~
Smith: Speaking of…what an impressive display…he stopped an INTENSE Iggy
Hood: Drugs must be wearing off
Smith: You think?
Hood: For the moment…that shit is so ingrained in his system that he’s never FULLY sober
~Chaotic slides back into the ring. PerZag is battling with both Dravers. He’s got Jonathan down. Nathan responds with a backfist. PerZag staggers away. Grenier is back in the ring and he hooks Zag around the waist. He tosses Zag over his head with a Release German! Zag lands hard and rolls under the bottom rope, resting on the apron. The Dravers smile at Grenier…he sprints ahead and takes them both down with a double lariat. Chaotic sprints in and knees Grenier in the kidney!! Grenier stumbles into the corner. He turns around and receives kicks and punches from Chaotic~
Smith: Chaotic is really taking it to our former OCW Champion!
Hood: It will be a sad day in OCW when a man who can stomach yak piss is defeated by a guy wearing a mask
Smith: But it’s a fancy mask
Hood: You know who else was fancy? Liberace
~Chaotic has Grenier subdued. He backs away and sprints in…Grenier ducks and lifts Chaotic up! Chaotic lands on his feet…atop the corner. Grenier doesn’t realize he’s up there. Grenier turns around and Chaotic leaps off with a cross body…Grenier catches Chaotic across his shoulders. He walks toward the ropes and tosses Chaotic off with an FU!! Chaotic goes over the top rope and he CRASHES through two tables on the outside~
Smith: There goes Chaotic…solid outing…Grenier was just too much
Hood: Should pick his fucking battles more wisely
Smith: Well, who else should he have gone after?
Hood: I don’t know…Mark Storm was gone so…himself?
Smith: Shut up
~Grenier doesn’t have much time for celebrating as Damian K’ rushes in and lifts him over the top rope!! Grenier lands on the apron, hard! He bounces off and hits the floor where the broken table debris resides. Chaotic is next to him. Damian appears frustrated. He is turned around quickly but PerZag who flips Damian into the middle of the ring with a snapmare. PerZag drills Damian in the back with a kick. He then goes for a perfect neckbreaker…but before he can get it off, he is superkicked in the face by Nathan Dravers!! Zag stumbles into a corner. Nathan sprints in and climbs to the middle rope and he punches away at Zag’s head. Zag grabs Nathan by the legs and looks for an Inverted Atomic Drop…but Jonathan superkicks Zag in the side of the head! Zag falls to the mat this time as Nathan lands on his feet. He and Jonathan high five. They turn their attention to Damian, who is rising to his feet~
Smith: You have to think the Dravers are the favorites at this point given their bond
Hood: You would think…but they haven’t eliminated anybody…plus once Iggy gets going again he’ll have the strength of like 3 dudes…or 5 ladies.
Smith: That’s somewhat sexist
Hood: Okay, 4 dudes that look like ladies and/or ladies that look like dudes?
Smith: I’m honestly not sure how to diagnose that
~The Dravers shoves Damian into the ropes. They whip him off. He runs into the opposite ropes…Grenier gets to his feet and he grabs Damian by the foot, pulling him down. Damian smacks into the canvas. Grenier pulls him out of the ring and the two begin to brawl. The Dravers look at each other, nod and sprint toward the ropes…they both leap over the ropes with tope con hilos, landing on top of Bob and Damian!! There are no tables so everyone remains active!! The crowd goes wild with ‘DRAVERS!’ chants~
Smith: Dravers knowing the rules there and using them to their advantage
Hood: Sooo…what happens if they are put through a table before they get back into the ring?
Smith: They’d be eliminated
Hood: So it isn’t THAT smart, is it?
Smith: Well, yea…I guess staying in the ring would be the smartest course of action
~Nathan grabs Grenier and he tosses him back into the ring. Nathan slides in behind. Jonathan grabs Damian and goes to toss him into the ring but Damian throws a vicious forearm into Jonathan’s chin. Jonathan’s legs go wobbly. Damian drags him to the barricade and SLAMS him face first into the stern platform. Jonathan hangs onto it to keep from falling. Damian aggressively pulls Jonathan off and drags him to another side of the ring. Nathan looks outside and spots Jonathan in trouble…he yells out “JON! WAKE UP!” Damian kicks Jonathan in the gut…hooks him and lifts him up for a powerbomb…he then DRILLS Jonathan through a table with a powerbomb. Jonathan is laid out and eliminated. Damian looks up at Nathan. Nathan points angrily at Damian and is about to jump over the top rope with a Plancha…before he can, Grenier nails him with a forearm shot, sending him to his knees~
Smith: Well, there goes the numerical advantage for The Dravers…poor Jonathan
Hood: Dude, this Damian K’ guy is fucking vicious
Smith: I’m telling you…he’s got a legit shot
Hood: I don’t know which Dravers boy that was…I never do, honestly…but he was handled with ease
Smith: It was Jonathan…he’s the more mentally stable of the two…right now
Hood: Haha, that speaks VOLUMES about OCW.
~Grenier hooks Nathan for a suplex. He gets kicked from behind by an angry PerZag. Zag hooks Grenier from behind for a German. He gets double axe handled by IGGY!! Iggy hooks PerZag from behind…then, altogether…Iggy lifts Zag up…Zag lifts Grenier up and Grenier lifts Nathan up for a German, German, Standard Suplex!!! The ring shakes as everybody is down except for IGGY!! He pops to his feet and starts running around the ring yelling and pumping his fists in the air. The crowd yells “IGGY! IGGY!”~
Smith: What strength by Iggy!
Hood: Hey, I’m sure Bob and PerZag helped out…everyone pulled their weight except for that lazy ass Dravers kid
Smith: Oh yea because I’m sure he just loved behind suplexed
Hood: He’s the mental one, right?
Smith: Indeed
Hood: Maybe he’s into that whole german, german, suplex thing…sounds pretty European to me.
~Damian re-enters. Iggy stops running and spots Damian. He walks up to Damian who doesn’t flinch. Iggy shoves Damian. Damian shoves Iggy back. The two begin to brawl in the ring!! The fans approve with a loud ovation~
Smith: I think Iggy wants retribution!
Hood: Is his memory THAT deep?
Smith: Apparently so…
Hood: I think he just HATES Damian’s face…that or the dash after K.
Smith: Yea, right
~Damian, again, starts to win the battle. He drills Hardy with two, three, four vicious rights. Hardy wobbles, about to fall over. Damian runs into the ropes, bounces off…Hardy stands up straight and SCREAMS!! He leaps into the air and drops Damian with a flying shoulder block!!! Damian hits hard. We notice all the tables have been replaced. Iggy is screaming and yelling and slobbering…Nathan Dravers eyes Iggy…he is on his knees. He stumlbes over and grabs Iggy, pushing him toward the ropes and lifts him over the top!! Iggy goes over…his feet slam into the nearest table…but it doesn’t break. Nathan staggers back, breathing heavily, watching Iggy with frustration. Iggy begins to skin the cat~
Smith: Can Iggy Hardy BE eliminated?
Hood: Not sure what he’d do to the table if he did get eliminated
Smith: You think he’d blame the tables?
Hood: The forests around the globe would tremble with fear
~Grenier stumbles to his feet. He sees Iggy flipping back over the top rope. He sees Nathan watching. Grenier runs forward to clothesline Nathan. Nathan senses Grenier coming and he drops to his knees. Grenier runs into Iggy! Both men go over the top rope and they land on the apron! They get to their feet and take a moment to gather themselves. Nathan sprints in crashes the ropes!! Iggy’s legs fly out but he maintains a grip. Grenier flies OFF the apron and THROUGH the second table!!! The crowd BOOS as fans look on, stunned. Nathan’s eyes grow wide as he can’t believe what he’s just done~
Smith: Nathan Dravers has just eliminated Bob Grenier!
Hood: Son of a WHORE
Smith: Nathan’s mom is NOT a whore
Hood: I dunno, she spat out two kids at once…that canal has got to be pretty wide, ya know?
Smith: Gross AND rude
~Nathan smiles…he’s starting to feel good about himself. That is until a ROIDED up arm clubs him in the side of the head!! Iggy, from the apron, drills Nathan…sending him crashing to the mat. Iggy then, flatfooted, leaps over the top rope and drops a leg across the chest of Nathan. Iggy is about to get to his feet when a boot smacks him in the face…it’s from Damian. Iggy falls to the mat, next to Nathan. Damian reaches for Iggy but has his own hair grabbed by PerZag. PerZag turns him around and gives him a thrust punch into the throat. Damian coughts and bends over…Zag straightens him up, leaps high into the air and dropkicks Damian right in the face!! Damian hits the mat hard as Zag reaches his feet…he’s the only participant left standing~
Smith: And there he is…OCW’s Most Worthy Wrestler!
Hood: I told you he was the favorite…he’s gonna win this easily…Lurrr did pick him, after all!
Smith: You never said that
Hood: Well, I was thinking it…your selfish ass just never asked
Smith: Right
~PerZag pulls Damian to his feet. He whips him into a corner…Damian hits hard. Zag charges in and crushes Damian with a HUGE splash. He steps back…Damian staggers out…Zag wraps his arms around Damian’s body, picks him up and drills him into the mat with a Belly to Belly Suplex!! Zag grabs Damian by the hair and pulls him back to his feet…he drags him near the ropes. Nathan Dravers is spotted behind him, recovering. Nathan runs in and kicks PerZag in the back! PerZag lets go of Damian who crashes through the ropes, landing on the apron. PerZag turns around and palms Nathan’s face with his giant, Australian hand. Nathan breaks his arm at the elbow, freeing himself…he runs into the ropes, bounces off and leaps through the air. Zag catches him and tosses Nathan over his head with a Fall Away Slam!! Zag, again, reaches his feet as the fans giving him a standing ovation chanting “ZAGGY! ZAGGY! ZAGGY! OI! OI! OI!”~
Smith: These fans are beginning to feel it…I know Zag isn’t much for the people, but they’ve been behind him since he returned.
Hood: That chant probably insults him. The last time he heard that chant was when Alice Knight was en route to STEALING his OCW Title.
Smith: I don’t think that was the chant’s fault.
Hood: True…it was Bob Grenier’s fault.
~The chants seem to stir Iggy. He spits a giant wad of saliva into the air. He rolls over really quickly and does a herculean type push up that jolts him upright. His head turns at Zag. Zag cocks a half smile and motions for Iggy to come at him. Iggy charges at Zag and bullies him into a corner. Iggy unloads right hand after right hand. Zag does his best to block them. Zag grabs the top rope for leverage and lifts up, placing both feet into Iggy’s chest…he pushes forward and kicks Iggy back into the center of the ring. Zag hops onto the middle buckle. Iggy sits up…Zag leaps off and elbows Iggy into the mat!!~
Smith: Great sequence by PerZag…Iggy may have the INTENSITY but PerZag is the talented veteran.
Hood: You think he’s too focused on his OCW Title shot?
Smith: Some have speculated that might be the case
Hood: I think the guy is one greedy fucker. How many title shots does he need?
~PerZag stands over a wounded Iggy. He flashes the grin of a man with a terrible idea. He pulls Iggy to his feet and drags him near the ropes. He hooks Iggy for PerZag Perfection~
Smith: He’s going to perfect plex Iggy over the top, through the tables!
Hood: I hope he lets go…
Smith: I’m sure he will, Hood
~Zag grabs hold of Iggy’s leg and works up the momentum. ‘NO FUCKNG WAYYYYY!!” Iggy shouts!! He BUSTS free and shoves Zag into the ropes!! Zag nearly tumbles over the top but falls back to his feet inside the ring. He’s clearly dazed. Iggy sprints around the ring and charges FULL STEAM AHEAD at PerZag yelling “BYE BYE MOTHER FUCKER!!” Zag ducks and LIFTS Iggy HIGH into the air!! Iggy sails over the top rope and SLAMS through the tables!!! The fans groan with displeasure as Zag falls to one knee, breathing heavily~
Smith: Ah, dangit…there goes my pick!
Hood: Your pick sucks…my pick, PerZag, is still alive!
Smith: He wasn’t your pick!
Hood: Oh he so totally was…at least I think he was, I’ll let you know for sure after the match
~Iggy pops to his feet and he starts fighting the broken tables. He sprints around the ring and begins to karate chop every table. As he’s doing this he’s yelling “ASS FUCKING TABLES SHIT BITCH!” the rest finally gets censored as it’s complete gibberish. Iggy destroys all the tables at ringside and then SPRINTS up the ramp and dives head first through the curtain~
Smith: Iggy Hardy…he is truly one of a kind
Hood: So…we’re down to three?
Smith: Yep, Nathan, Damian and PerZag.
Hood: My favorite is still alive!
~A shit load of OCW personnel rush down to place more tables around the ring and clean up Iggy’s mess. Nathan walks up to PerZag tentatively. He says something while pointing at Damian K’ who is on his feet, resting in a corner. Damian eyes the two warily. Zag, breathing heavily, nods along with Nathan. Nathan rushes over and attacks Damian. Damian fights him off…as he does, Zag charges in and attacks Damian. Damian is suddenly being mugged two on one~
Smith: I don’t know what that was all about…but I’m going to speculate the two veteran OCW wrestlers are teaming together to eliminate the rookie.
Hood: Or does Nathan think PerZag is that inner voice of his
Smith: I don’t think that’s the case
Hood: So you think it’s a case of getting rid of the unknown
Smith: Exactly
~They keep the onslaught going. It’s too much for Damian. He leans against the ropes absorbing punch after punch. Zag looks at Nathan who nods. They step back and double clothesline Damian over the top rope!!! Damian’s feet hit the apron and he falls against the tables…but they don’t break! He lays atop them, breathing heavily, vaguely conscious. Zag and Nathan look down at him, shocked the tables didn’t succumb to his pressure~
Smith: The double team worked…kind of…
Hood: What the shit kind of tables did they put out there…that guy is like two hundred and fifty pounds!
Smith: Well the apron did take away a lot of the impact…perhaps instinct on Damian’s part to prevent all of the momentum from taking him through those tables
Hood: I guess…but those tables have to be fucked…if he moves, you think they’ll break
Smith: There is a distinct possibility of that happening
Hood: Can you ever give an answer like a man? Must everything be ‘possibly’ or ‘maybe’?
~Zag tells Nathan to get out there and put Damian through those tables. Nathan tells Zag to do it. Zag head butts Nathan in the face!! Nathan falters into a corner. Zag whips a roundhouse kick into Nathan’s head! Nathan falls to his ass, sitting against the bottom buckle. Meanwhile, Damian’s eyes start to flutter. He lifts his arm…one of the tables CRACK. He stops and looks around, nervously~
Smith: I wouldn’t want to be Damian K’ right now
Hood: Would you rather be Chaotic?
Smith: Well, uhh, no
Hood: Okay then
~Damian goes still as he tries to figure out the best way to survive his scenario. Meanwhile, Zag pulls Nathan to his feet and points at the ropes nearest the entrance ramp. He runs and tries to throw Nathan over the top rope. Nathan sticks his foot out and he catches the middle rope. He kicks back and breaks free. He sprints across the ring, bounces off the ropes as Zag turns. Nathan leaps through the air and he drills Zag in the face with a flying forearm!! Zag splats to the mat as Nathan kicks to his feet. The crowd goes wild they begin to chant “ORANGE CAT…” they stop, realizing there are no tits to be seen…they readjust into “NATHAN! NATHAN!”~
Smith: Rest in Peace, Orange Cat Head
Hood: I won’t say it was a worse chant than Owl is Night. But, it was a worse chant than Owl is Night
Smith: Way to stand by your guns there, Hood
Hood: BANG BANG
~Zag stumbles to his feet. He gets SUPERKICKED by Nathan!! Zag staggers. Outside, Damian starts to sit up, the tables CRACK again. He lays back down and calls an official over. Scruff hobbles toward him. He starts to lean on the table to listen and Damian screams at him to get away. Scruff backs off. Damian asks if the tables break as he’s getting back into the ring but he’s not ON them, would he be eliminated. Scruff says “That sounds about right, sure.” Damian rolls his eyes and continues to assess the situation. Back in the ring…Nathan superkicks Zag once more. Zag leans against the ropes. Nathan steps back, gearing up for another superkick~
Smith: I think he’s going to superkick PerZag over the top rope!
Hood: Yea, if he can follow through with it this time
Smith: Hey, last week he was suffering from some trauma stemming from the kick he received via his brother, Jonathan. I think he’s okay this week.
Hood: Fucking pussy
~Nathan utters something of an incantation. Focus grips him and he lunges forward with the superkick!! Zag ducks…he lifts Nathan over the top rope and Nathan CRASHES through the first table on the outside!!! The fans quiet in disappointment. PerZag looks down at Nathan and says “Unworthy.” He then turns and sees Damian still on those two tables~
Smith: It’s come down to PerZag and Damian K’
Hood: My pick is looking GOOD!
Smith: Sure
Hood: All Damian has to do is sneeze and he’s out
Smith: You might be right about that
~Damian breathes in, deeply. He knows he’s got to do something. Zag leans against the ropes he sent Nathan crashing over and watches as a casual observer. Damian stiffens his arms and he sits straight up with little wasted motion. The tables creak and crack…but remain. He breathes in more and more. The apron is so close, his feet can touch it. He leans forward and uses his wingspan to grab the bottom rope for leverage. Zag slumps his shoulders. Damian then carefully maneuvers his body back onto the ring apron!! The tables remain intact. Scruff wipes his brow, “Whew, that was close!” he says. Damian rolls in under the bottom rope. Zag shakes his head and stands upright. Damian gets to his feet and the two meet in the center of the ring~
Smtih: Wow! What great composure and maneuvering by Damian K’!
Hood: Are we SURE those are real tables? Like is there a midget underneath there, holding them up?
Smith: I think we’d see the midget
Hood: Not on St Patrick’s Day WEEKEND-ish…they are invisible, don’t you know
Smith: No, I didn’t know that because it isn’t remotely factual
~Zag shoves Damian out of disrespect. Damian back hands Zag across the face showing he won’t back down. Zag punches Damian. Damian responds. They exchange lefts and rights, neither backing down as they maintain the middle of the ring. Zag suddenly snares Damian in a front face lock. Damian lifts Zag off the mat and he bullies him against the ropes. Zag repeatedly knees Damian in the chest. Damian lets go and falters back. Zag gives Damian a BIG BOOT into the face!! Damian falls to the mat~
Smith: Great sequence with PerZag coming out on top!
Hood: Not over yet…my pick still has to throw him out…which he will do…Benalla Style!
Smith: I wouldn’t be so sure…Damian K’ already survived a situation most wrestlers would have failed
Hood: Pssshaw…that was luck
~Zag yanks Damian to his feet and throws him at the top rope. Damian grabs onto the top rope to keep from going over. His feet remain on the mat. Zag grabs him by the legs and tries to dump him over. Damian drives some downward elbows into the back of Zag’s neck. After three of these Zag lets go and stumbles. Damian turns around and Zag rushes in for a clothesline. Damian ducks and lifts PerZag over the top rope!! He goes vertical…hangs onto the top rope and lands on the apron!~
Smith: What agility by PerZag!
Hood: My pick! My pick!
Smith: But he is in a precarious position
~Zag knees Damian through the ropes. Damian doubles over and Zag hooks him for the PerZag Perfection…Damian slaps him away, grabs Zag’s arm and lunges forward with a RIPCORD LARIAT (Death Dealer)!!! Zag flies off the apron and THROUGH the tables! The crowd releases a stunned gasp followed by an applause for the outcome as the bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….DAMIAN K’!!!!!
Smith: The rookie did it!!
Hood: My pick!! I told you Damian K’ was a man to be reckoned with…FUTURE star!
Smith: Oh please…I can’t take your inane gloating. Let’s head backstage
~The cameras cut to outside of the arena. The Oh Shit! Match is in the books. We see a long haired old man puffing on a rolled cigarette as he makes his way into the arena. An OCW event staff member puts an arm up blocking the man from entering.~
OCW Security: Where do you think you’re going?
~The man doesn’t say a word. He takes a long drag off his cig, enjoying it wholeheartedly. He pulls the cig from his lips and without hesitation he flicks the cig in the security guard’s face and hits him with a punch to the gut doubling him over.~
Smith: It’s CAUTION!!!
Hood: How dare him show up! He should be ashamed of himself cheating TIO out of a real opponent tonight.
Smith: Chad Vargas was bound to go against Incredible One. You honestly think Vargas couldn’t have beat Caution? Vargas has too much class and respect.
Hood: Are you high?! I once saw Chad Vargas spit in Ana Archia’s face! But… He has softened up…
Smith: Shut up Hood.
~Caution looks down at the knocked out security guard smiling with satisfaction. He walks his way into the building and down the hall and toward the arena. As he makes his way down the hall, walking with a purpose two suited gentleman stop him dead in his tracks.~
Caution: What the fuck do you limpwrists want?
~Before the suited gents can speak, Marcus Welsh appears from behind his two corporate cohorts.~
Welsh: What the hell are you doing here?
Caution: I don’t know who the hell you are or why you’re asking but obviously I’m here to catch the show! Now fuck off and go get me a beer young buck!
~Welsh looks over at his colleagues and gives a look as if to say, “can you believe this fucking guy?” Caution sniffs and stares at Welsh waiting for whatever is coming.~
Welsh: You’ve got some nerve, old man.
Caution: Got a lot of nerve! And a lot of balls!
Welsh: A lot? I assumed you had two.
~Caution gives a weird look not understanding.~
Welsh: I’m glad you made an appearance none the less, Caution. I usually have Double E handle this but I’m going to grab the bull by the horns with this, so to speak.
~Caution’s eyes squint looking at Welsh.~
Welsh: The writing on has been the wall for you Caution. Accepting a bribe in order for Chad Vargas to attain a rematch for Incredible One. Not cool, and not happening on my watch!
Caution: You pay me peanuts. 10Gs is a lot of smokes and beer!
~Welsh shakes his head.~
Welsh: You don’t have to worry about peanuts anymore.
~Caution smiles.~
Caution: A raise for all my hard work, eh?
Welsh: Quite the opposite actually, old timer! Consider yourself FIRED.
Caution: Fired? I ain’t been fired a day in my god damn life!
Welsh: Well today is the day. Boys…
~Welsh signals for his security detail. They nod and grab a hold of Caution. The picture fizzles. The next image you see is Caution being thrown out of the door at the loading dock. He falls hard on the concrete. He picks himself up. He doesn’t seem too badly hurt. He brushes himself off~
Caution: Fuck this place. I’m gonna go get fucking laid.
Smith: Caution has been fired for the first time in his life!
Hood: Better late than never
Smith: How does that work in this context?
Hood: I honestly don’t know…but, hey, at least the man is leaving with a goal. And it’s probably the best goal a man can have.
Smith: I just hope the man uses protection! Well...
Hood: I got this one...from one old fucker to another...it's Hall of Fame time baby!
~We focus on the ring as Belvedere looks more professional than usual. He clears his throat and speaks into the mic~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…please welcome the General Manager of OCW…Marcus Welsh!!
~No music plays. Marcus Welsh, dressed in a tux, emerges from behind the curtain. Annie Alvarez, dressed in probably her finest, is with him. She looks good…but kind of slutty. Plethora the Perilous walks behind them, giant and quiet. They reach the ring. Annie and Plethora stand near the back of the ring. Marcus receives the mic from Belvedere~
Marcus Welsh: Thanks Belvedere. I’m going to make this short and sweet. Tonight we are going to honor a former…
~Welsh is startled as he looks down into the crowd and sees a giant, ROIDED up Scott Syren seated in the front row. He’s got his shades on and he isn’t moving. He’s just seated, very calmly, looking up at Welsh. It’s odd~
Marcus Welsh: Uhm, a former OCW wrestler who accomplished many great things. His entire career has been evaluated and deemed worthy of inclusion into the OCW Hall of Fame. So, without further ado…I present to you, Mr. Curt Canon.
~Curt Canon comes out to a HUGE ovation. “CANON! CANON!” cheers fill the arena. He’s dressed nicer than we’ve ever seen him. As always, he’s full of energy, so he hustles down the ramp and enters into the ring. Welsh hands the mic over. Curt points out to the crowd. Scott Syren stands up, rips the barricade away and walks toward the ring. He climbs the steps, enters through the ropes and begins to speak~
Scott Syren: Curt Canon is a great man. Some might say he’s the greatest man who ever lived. Curt was a main reason why I joined OCW in the first place. He’s got that energy that CLASSIC OCW, BABY is all about. If I were running things, Curt Canon would have been in the Hall of Fame years ago. But I’ve got too much shit going on to run something like this. Oh well, better late than never. Curt, old buddy old pal…congratulations…welcome to the Hall!
~The image of Curt Canon, OCW Hall of Famer appears on the Tron~
~Curt and Scott embrace before backing off as if what they are doing is kinda gay. Canon receives the mic~
Curt Canon: Friends, Romans OCWians, four score and seven years ago our fore fathers had a dream, A dream that one day Curt Canon would make it in the OCW Hall of fame, and that day is today.
~pauses for cheers and applause~
Curt Canon: You know I have been waiting for this day, ever since I donned this mask * reaches behind his back and pulls the Daredevil mask out* and became the first person to defeat Lurrrrr and take his OCW Heavyweight Championship. Which alone should have gotten me inducted, but unfortunately like most people I was plagued by personal issues that would rear their head throughout my career and within a week I lost the title and left the company.
~takes a minute, looks around and coollects his thoughts before proceeding~
Curt Canon: After a while I decided to reemerge with a new attitude toward life and continue to build on my legacy. I became Curt Canon and formed Extremely Dangerous with my lifelong friend James Vorex and we captured the OCW tag titles. It wasnt long after when we decided to ally with a man who become a brother, he is a Current OCW hall of famer Scott Syren....
~Canon points at Syren! Syren reaches into his pants, rips his underwear off and uses them to wipe the tears forming under his eyes~
Curt Canon: As B.U.F.F we dismantled OCWs elite and cemented our names in the history books, until I had to take a leave of abscence that lasted for 10 years too long. It wasnt until I got a call from my good friend Syren who asked me to come back to OCW as a member of Operation Zero that I made my triumphant return and captured the OCW Lightweight Championship...and had to leave again shortly after.
~Curt looks down at the podium to collect his final thoughts.~
Curt Canon: Some of you may think that what I accomplished in my career doesn’t warrant a Hall of Fame induction, my stints in the company were short and so were my title reigns but a legacy isnt built on long reigns and extended stays.. A legacy is built on what you accomplish in those stays and what kind of impression you leave on the company, on the other performers, and most importantly on the fans.. Not a day goes by where I dont get asked about an in ring return from a Canonite via twitter, email, facebook, or pony express. I havent made a decision on my future yet but anything is possible and I think this company needs another shot of Classic OCW Baby!
~the crowd cheers~
Curt Canon: In closing I would like to say thank you. Thank you to Prez Dean whereever he is, thank you to Annie Alvarez for putting this deal in place and to Marcus Welsh for accepting. Thank you to my best friends James Vorex and Scott Syren for all their support and encouragment. Thank you to OCW for always giving me the platform I needed to do what I love, and finally thank you to the fans...and to all the Canonites around the world because without you I wouldnt have had the courage to keep coming back. Good night OCW.
~Canon hands the mic over to Belvedere. He shakes the hand of Marcus Welsh. He hugs Syren. He hugs Annie. He gives a BIG huge to Plethora and says, “Thank you” in all sincerity to the giant man. They all exit the ring~
Smith: What a GREAT moment! I think he’s very deserving of this and am so happy Marcus Welsh allowed it to happen.
Hood: See what happens when you beat Lurrr? Automatic HOF induction.
Smith: He did a lot more than just that, Hood.
Hood: Yea, yea, I know…Canon is a badass. Hope he sticks around and gets in that ring a time or two…he’s always been fun.
Smith: Indeed! I'm told we have an update on our champion...or well, former champion. Let's head backstage...I can only pray it's improved news
~We cut backstage where The Knife Man is overlooking Alice. She’s no longer on a stretcher but on one of those uncomfortable doctor’s chairs. She’s in and out of consciousness. The Dravers are there. They both look a little worn. They are feeling the effects of having gone through tables. But they are true friends. So, despite their frustration and discomfort, they are there at Alice's side. They look on, shaking their heads~
Jonathan Dravers: Why isn’t she in an ambulance right now?
Nathan Dravers: Because THIS guy is who we’re listening to, apparently
~The Knife Man SUDDENLY turns around with his giant knife flailing through the air. Nathan and Jonathan jump back, slightly frightened~
The Knife Man: Excuse me, gentlemen. But could you be so kind as to fetch our esteemed GM Mr. Welsh? I might have found a slight LACERATION on the back of her head.
~The Dravers don’t seem too keen on leaving her alone with The Knife Man, but he is extremely polite. So they do. The Knife Man whistles something pleasant. He reaches for a drawer…it’s slightly stuck so he uses his knife to fix it. As he does, a menacing figure enters. The Knife Man senses a presence and turns around~
The Knife Man: And just who might you be, kind sir?
~The menacing figure is wearing a hoodie. He throws the hood back to reveal PERZAG. The fans at first cheer from inside the arena before growing quiet and then starting to boo. PerZag does not to appear to be there for well wishes. The Knife Man notices this and gets between PerZag and Alice. The giant knife is near PerZag’s face. The Knife Man chuckles and lowers it~
The Knife Man: Sorry about that.
PerZag: Get out of my way. After the night I've had, I'm in no mood.
The Knife Man: I’m afraid I can’t. You’ve got to get through me if you’re going to come near Alice Knight.
~PerZag raises his fists. The Knife Man cowers and yells~
The Knife Man: Good lord man! Be careful with those things, you could hurt somebody! I never raise my fists in anger. Put those down and let’s have a spirited debate.
~PerZag kicks The Knife Man in the gut. The Knife Man falls over but DOES NOT drop his knife. PerZag then gives him a swift DDT into the marbled floor. The Knife Man is out. Zag rises to his feet and stands over Alice. People in the crowd are freaking out. He looks down at the champion. Her eyes are slits…her head slowly moves…she leans toward PerZag and tries to speak~
PerZag: You stole that fucking title from me last month. And now you’ve stolen the opportunity I had to prove to the world I could beat you. But, that’s fine…because I’m going to steal something from you. I’m going to end your career right now.
Smith: What is he doing?!
Hood: I think it’s pretty obvious
Smith: No! Dravers! Somebody! Get back there!!
~PerZag yanks Alice off the bed. She’s near lifeless. He drags her onto the floor and positions her for a powerbomb. He lifts her up and jumps into the air…he drills her head first into the marbled floor with a SICK Piledriver. The impact makes a sound that is indescribable. We immediately cut away to Smith and Hood~
Smith: I’m being told what has just happened is too much to show, even for this broadcast.
Hood: That’s it…I think she’s done.
Smith: What is WRONG with PerZag? I mean, my…my…my…
~Smith is upset…so we cut away~
The Cube – Savage Rules
Mack O’Connor © (2-0) vs. CJ O’Donnell (2-0)
Hood: Alright man, you good to call this?
Smith: I’m a professional…I will do my job. But I will NEVER be good with what just happened
Hood: Well, alright then
~We are shown The Cube. It has been readjusted after the debacle that was Max Shade and Dare Clemmens. It’s worn with the sides stained with salt residue from the sea water. And there is, of course, that giant HOLE in the side. Mack O’Connor is leaning in a corner, already inside. He’s sipping on Jameson straight from the bottle as the crowd sings various songs. CJ O’Donnell is nowhere to be found. Belvedere’s voice booms out via the speakers~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for the OCW Savage Championship!! This match is going to be held under Savage Rules and will take place inside The Cube!! Introducing first…standing 6’3 and weighing in at 230lbs…he is from Brooklyn, New York…he is the OCW Savage Champion…Mack O’Connor!!!
~Mack reaches down and grabs the title from off the mat. He raises it up high as the fans chant “Mack! Mack!” He leans back into the corner and drapes the title over the top rope~
Belvedere: And his opponent…from Boston, Massachusetts…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 178lbs…he is one half of the OCW Tag Team Champions….CJ O’Donnell!!!
~The fans look around for CJ. Gruff, inside the ring, shakes his head and says “Damn Millenials.” We aren’t sure if CJ is a millennial or not but nobody wants to argue with a cantankerous Gruff. Anyway, Mack takes another swill of Jameson and looks at his fingers as though he’s waiting for a certain amount of time to pass~
Smith: I find it kind of eerie that we haven’t received any update on CJ
Hood: I’m thinking, given how he’s a big time ladies’ man, he bumped into Ariel down there and is receiving his Mile Low Club card.
Smith: Not your best
Hood: True…but not my worst either.
Meyhu: Let’s hope he didn’t catch any crabs!
Smith: Where the hell did you come from!?
Meyhu: You see… When a man and woman love each other…
Hood: Go on.
Smith: No. Why is your voice here? And where is your partner?
Hood: Meyhu has transcended. He is no longer just of the flesh...he can now float around inside broadcasts, speaking his mind whenever he desires.
Smith: Yea, that or he could be on the beach with a headset.
Meyhu: How about both. As far as CJ goes, I’m sure he’ll pop up. I thought you guys would appreciate a little help here. Besides, I’ve got to provide support for my boy CJ!
~We spot Meyhu on the beach with a headset on. He’s observing the match close up and plugged into the commentary via the magic of modern day electronics. He stands amidst the fans, watching. OCW security shoves the people away so that they don’t bother him. Somebody yells, “THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE WATER!!” Everyone turns as a man’s hand reaches up and grabs the wooden platform of the dock. A second hand appears and soon the head…it’s CJ O’Donnell!! His eyes are blood shot. He spits out some salt water as he sits on the dock for a moment to catch his breath. Mack tells Gruff, who is handling the match to hold on~
Smith: He lives!!
Hood: Well of course he lives…but man, it looks like that mermaid wore his ass out
Smith: He wasn’t having sex with any mermaids, that’s impossible
Hood: Oh, you think so? Why don’t you ask T-Pain
Smith: Is that a new signee? Sounds like he’d do well in the Savage division
~ Mack exits the ring with his Jameson. He also exits The Cube, which is elevated. He walks down the ramp. CJ gets to his feet. He looks dressed to fight, even though he’s soaked. He hears the reaction from the fans and sees Mack stepping onto the beach, amongst the fans. Mack turns his way. CJ spots the bottle in Mack’s hand and looks for a weapon of his own. He reaches inside a nearby boat and grabs a HOOK. It’s pretty big. He checks it out and nods. He storms toward Mack~
Smith: I don’t like how this is shaping up
Hood: Captain Hook! That’s gotta be his new name if he wins using that thing
Smith: He’s got both hands
Hood: So? Not like we couldn’t fix that with an effective slash. Where’s The Knife Man when you need him?
~CJ hops off the dock, his bare, wet feet find the sand. Mack rushes forward. He places the Jameson bottle in the sand. CJ seems a little confused by the tactic, but charges forward with his hook. They meet on the beach. CJ swings the hook at Mack…Mack ducks and he jabs CJ in his wet abs. CJ staggers back, holding onto the hook. Mack stands upright and he drills CJ with a few haymakers similar to the ones he peppered CJ with on deck of the cruise ship. CJ staggers into the crowd. He drops the hook. Mack goes for a big right hand but stops and head butts CJ instead. The crowd keeps CJ from falling as he leans into the sea of onlookers. Mack throws his hand into air as he turns around to retrieve his Jameson~
Smith: I don’t think CJ wants to brawl with O’Connor.
Hood: You gotta dig Mack…a true Irishman. He could have used that bottle to fight CJ but, instead, didn’t want to waste the whiskey.
Smith: A bit short sighted…I mean it’s not like there aren’t thousands of other Jameson bottles for sale
Hood: Spoken like a pussy, a fag…a brit!
Smith: Please, do not slander an entire country over a bottle of whiskey.
Meyhu: Yeah man, not cool.
Smith: Wow… I’m surpri-
Meyhu: Did you know… Mack O’Connor still wets the bed?
Smith: Nevermind.
~CJ shakes his head, regaining his senses. A fan nearby has an apple. It’s green. CJ spots the fruit and snares it with his free hand. He stands upright and moves forward. Mack polishes off a swig and digs the bottle back into the sand. He laughs at CJ and motions for him to come forward. CJ throws the apple at Mack! It hits Mack right in the nose! He grabs his face and bends over…it hurt a lot more than anyone could have predicted. One of those annoying pains…like there’s no way that should have hurt as much as it did…fuck! CJ charges forward and he knees Mack in the chest!! Mack staggers back, onto his ass in the surf. The last remnants of a dying wave rush up against his back and elbows. CJ holds the hook high and brings it down…Mack rolls out of the way. He grabs his bottle and stumbles away from CJ~
Smith: CJ O’Donnell is channeling his inner Knife Man
Hood: It is a Savage rules match…I don’t think it gets more Savage than that
Smith: Yea but using a hook? That’s attempted homicide!
Meyhu: This is what he signed up for!
Hood: It’s not any worse than hitting a guy in the head with a fucking sledgehammer…you ever picked one of those things up before?
Smith: Haven’t been able to achieve that yet
Hood: Fuck…the things you admit on air
Meyhu: Is it possible to slander yourself?
~The hook attack gave Mack a true “what the fuck” moment. He swills some more Jameson and meanders back toward the rampway feeding into The Cube. CJ senses weakness and charges forward. He tackles Mack into the sand! The bottle of Jameson flies forward but plants firmly in the sand without any whiskey spilling. Mack rolls onto his back and uses both hands to grab onto CJ’s right arm, which is wielding the hook. Mack knees CJ in the groin. CJ rolls over, grimacing in pain. Mack yanks the hook out of CJ’s hand and hurls it off to the side. The hook sails through the air and hits the ramp…it slides up, near the entrance of The Cube. Mack grabs CJ by the hair and drags him into the surf…he dunks his face into the water and holds it down there as CJ kicks his legs and flails his arms~
Smith: Mack is trying to drown CJ!!
Meyhu: Attempted homicide!
Hood: Or maybe he’s trying to help him get Ariel’s phone number.
Smith: That’s preposterous!
Hood: True, no way mermaid’s have cell phones. I mean they are durable but not THAT resistant to water. Not to mention the fucking roaming…holy shit.
Meyhu: It just wouldn’t be worth it.
Hood: Nope.
~Mack pulls CJ’s head out of the water…probably realizing it’d be hard to carry a corpse back into the ring. So he drags CJ back onto the beach. CJ is coughing up salt water. Mack grabs his Jameson and escorts CJ, by the air up the ramp, leading to the ring. CJ fights back…he elbows Mack in the ribs. He follows that with a forearm uppercut into Mack’s face!! Mack falls on his ass. CJ kicks Mack in the head…Mack’s body snaps onto its back. The bottle remains upright and safe. CJ falls to his knees and he throws some water up into the ocean lining the ramp way~
Smith: I don’t think CJ is going to want to visit the ocean for awhile
Hood: Yea, who knew he was allergic to water!
Smith: I don’t think the water has anything to do with it
Hood: Shit. So he’s allergic to salt? Man, that fucking blows. Talk about living a bland life…no wonder he’s always eating apples.
Smith: A little help here, Matt?
Meyhu: I’m pretty sure he is allergic to salt, yes.
Hood: Shit.
Smith: Unbelievable.
Meyhu: Don’t worry, he won’t let that affect his performance here.
~CJ gets to his feet…he spots the hook. He stumbles for it…still feeling a big queasy. Mack sits up and rubs his head. He knocks back some more Jameson. He gets to his feet and walks, steadily behind CJ. CJ reaches for the hook but Mack kicks him in the back! CJ stumbles into the ring apron. Mack sets the Jameson in a corner and he tosses CJ into the ring. Mack follows behind him as the crowd cheers! The Cube finally begins to lower~
Smith: Finally…maybe now we can have something resembling a wrestling match
Hood: I was kind of enjoying that beach brawl…whiskey, hooks, mermaids…APPLES
Smith: True but I’d like to see AT LEAST a wrestling move or two
Hood: Alright but if they get to three, I’m done
Meyhu: CJ won’t let it last that long.
Smith: Shut up
~The Cube tries to close but it hits the hook. So it raises slightly before trying to close again…like a garage door. This annoys Mack. He looks outside and spots the hook. He reaches through the ropes and removes the hook. He goes to toss it into the ocean, right outside The Cube but a foot drills him in the side of his bald head!! His body, half in the ring, half out, teeters. CJ pulls him back in and removes the hook from his hand, which had maintained a solid grip~
Smith: Mack wasn’t going to let go!
Hood: I think he thought the hook was the bottle of Jameson
Smith: I could see that
~CJ pulls Mack to his feet. The Cube finally slams down, locking them inside. CJ whips Mack into the ropes. Mack bounces off and CJ swings the hook…Mack grabs CJ’s right arm, keeping the hook from hitting him. He boots CJ in the gut. CJ doubles over. Mack kicks the hook away…it slides across the ring and slams into The Cube. Mack whips CJ into the ropes, CJ bounces off…Mack catches him, twirls him and cracks his back over his knee with a Tilt-a-Whirl backbreaker!! CJ arches his back in pain as the crowd goes wild!! Finally, a wrestling move!!~
Smith: Alright!
Hood: A perfectly good brawl with whiskey and weapons RUINED by professional wrestling
Smith: Why do you work for OCW?
Hood: Because they pay me
Meyhu: Amen!
Smith: Don’t you have somewhere else to be?
Meyhu: Absolutely not. This is where the action is at! This is where the Aptitude claims another title.
~Mack goes to his knees and pummels CJ with some stiff right hands. He gets back to his feet and pulls CJ up. He whips CJ into the ropes. CJ bounces off and Mack throws a right hand…CJ ducks and jumps onto the middle rope…he leaps off and flies through the air with a moonsault. Mack catches him! Mack charges at the Cube and tries to spear CJ head first into it. CJ slides off Mack’s back and palms his head…he slams Mack, face first into The Cube!! A loud “smack!” is heard as Mack stumbles backward…CJ jumps up, puts his knees into Mack’s back and drops him with a backstabber~
Smith: It feels like Mack has controlled most of this ‘match’ thus far
Hood: All apart of CJ’s plan…lay low, rope and hope
Smith: Rope a DOPE
Hood: Nah man, more like rope and hope…you play dead hoping he tires out before he knocks you out. Or, in this case, drowns you.
Meyhu: Have a little faith, fellas. He knows what he’s doing! So anyway… Little known fact about Mack…
Smith: Let’s pay attention
~The Cube isn’t as sturdy as it was earlier. The Max Shade match has warped it…despite it being in working condition. There are gaps around the sides where The Cube isn’t entirely flush against the ring apron. CJ grabs the Jameson bottle and throws some back. Mack gets onto his knees. CJ stares at Mack and then pours the rest of the Jameson onto the mat. Mack says, “Oh that’s it, mother fucker!” He powers to his feet and charges at CJ. CJ swings and NAILS Mack in the head with the bottle!! It shatters!! Mack’s forehead is gashed at the top…a straight red line stretches an inch or two. Blood starts to climb out of it. Mack falls down. CJ pins him as Gruff complains about his knees, going down to count~
1!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Thought we might get a pinfall there but not even a two count!
Hood: Mack’s shitfaced…or, at least buzzed…he’s not gonna stay down after something as wimpy as a bottle over the head.
Meyhu: We’re just wearing him down!
Smith: His head is pretty messed up… We?
Hood: Yea but he’s had that fucked up head for years…I think he went bald when he was young
Smith: I’m talking about the cut!
~CJ grabs a giant piece of green glass. Gruff kicks the rest of the glass away…it spills out of the ring in between a gap from the cube to the apron. CJ dives in on Mack’s head with the glass. Mack stops him. They fight with CJ trying to gash him and Mack trying to avoid plastic surgery. Mack knees CJ in the groin. He drops the glass. Mack picks it up. CJ gets to his feet and hobbles away, holding his gut from the low blow. Mack stands…his face is covered in blood as it flows freely. He marches toward CJ with piece of glass. CJ winces…selling the injury. He suddenly SPRINTS at Mack…Mack ducks…CJ leaps with Irish Knowledge but doesn’t nail it completely. He knees Mack in the shoulder!! Mack drops the glass and falls to the mat holding his shoulder~
Smith: IRISH KNOWLEDGE!
Hood: Stop screaming, damn!
Smith: Sorry but that was out of nowhere
Meyhu: What’d I tell you! Finish it up, CJ!
Hood: You know…I was thinking, dumping that whiskey out was dumb. At the rate Mack was downing it…he would have passed out, ya know?
Smith: And you can pin a passed out person for at least three seconds
Hood: Hey hey, how do YOU know that?
Meyhu: We don’t take the easy way out!
~CJ’s groin is still in pain as that kind of shot doesn’t go away as quickly as the recipient would like. Mack rolls over and finds himself under the bottom rope. The blood from his head drips off the apron and into the water…a red cloud emerges. The water is being littered with O’Connor’s blood. CJ’s pain subsides. He picks up the piece of glass and heads for Mack. Mack kicks out and drills CJ in the shin!! CJ grimaces and picks up his afflicted leg. He hobbles around, holding onto the glass. Mack stands…blood is dripping freely from his jaw line and chin. Gruff comes in to check his wound~
Smith: Mack is showing his bar room skills
Hood: Kicking the dudes shin and dick…whatever works
Meyhu: What a pussy!
Smith: He’s in a bad way, though…Gruff could stop this match
Hood: I wouldn’t be surprised…dude hates his job. Would mean he’d get to go home quicker
~Gruff mutters something about how back in his day they’d call that a paper cut. Mack shoves him away. He heads for CJ…CJ stops limping and swipes with the glass. Mack pulls back…the glass narrowly missed his chest. CJ swings again…Mack grabs his arm. Mack then knees CJ in the gut. He punches CJ in the jaw…CJ’s legs get a little wobbly. CJ drops the glass. Gruff grabs it quickly and tosses it through a crack into the ocean. Mack rolls his eyes. As he does, CJ returns the favor…he drops to his knees and low blows O’Connor!! CJ twirls Mack around, hooks him and drops him in the middle of the ring with a German Suplex!! He bridges for the pin…Gruff comes in and counts~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Getting closer!
Meyhu: What a combo by CJ!
Hood: CJ is so quick…he’s got a counter for all of Mack’s brawling
Smith: Indeed…Mack might should try a wrestling move
Hood: Haha….you know Mack doesn’t have any wrestling moves. He’s got two fists and, occasionally, a right knee.
Smith: What about his left knee?
Hood: Left knees are useless…didn’t you know that?
Meyhu: Not CJ’s! You’ll see.
~CJ looks for the glass…but it’s gone. So he spots the hook. He goes to retrieve it. As he does, O’Connor returns to his feet. He’s somewhat disoriented…the booze and loss of blood are the primary culprits. CJ obtains the hook. Mack storms after him…CJ turns around and is met with a sharp elbow. CJ swings wildly with the hook…Mack ducks and CJ’s momentum sends the hook diving into The Cube!! It’s stuck in the Cube wall. Mack headbutts CJ! It leaves a giant red stain. Mack pulls the hook out which creates a rough portion of ripped plexiglass. Mack grabs CJ’s head and he starts to ram him, forehead first into the roughed up portion. “SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!” CJ’s head continuously smacks into The Cube. The reverberations send the rope cascading down from atop The Cube into the ring…it hangs like it did in the Shade match~
Hood: A snake! A snake just jumped into The Cube!!
Smith: That’s rope, stupid. It was hanging up there from earlier
Hood: Oh, whew…you know how I hate snakes. Especially snakes that look like rope
Smith: Right
Meyhu: That’s worse than a rope that looks like a snake!
~Blood starts to appear after each smack. CJ’s head is cut. Mack is relentless, he won’t stop. CJ’s legs collapse. He crawls away from The Cube and into the ring. His hands find the hook. A bloodied Mack stalks him. He pulls CJ back to his feet. CJ swings wildly and he NAILS Mack in the head with the blunt end of the hook!!! Mack collapses. He’s out. CJ checks his forehead…he sees the blood on his hands as it’s starting to leak pretty aggressively. He crawls and covers Mack~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Meyhu: Oh come on!
Smith: Mack kicks out again!
Hood: Is this what happens when two Irishmen fight on the Monday after St Patrick’s Day?
Smith: I honestly couldn’t tell you
~CJ gets to his knees. He tosses the hook aside. He sees the rope hanging and has an idea. He stands and grabs onto the rope. He begins to climb. Mack gets to his feet. CJ starts to swing~
Smith: What’s he doing?
Hood: He’s stealing Liljungleman’s spot!
Smith: Sad but true
~Mack rolls over and struggles to his feet. CJ continues trying to work up some momentum but it’s proving to be more difficult than he thought. The rope hits Mack in the shoulder. He turns and sees what’s going on. CJ is pretty high…a fall would hurt. Mack grabs the rope and shakes, trying to knock CJ off. CJ looks down…he sees and angry Mack and the hook nearby. He starts to climb toward the top of The Cube~
Smith: What is he doing??
Hood: I think he’s auditioning for NINJA WARRIOR
Smith: Oooh, I love that show
Hood: I figured as much
~Mack wipes the blood from his eyes. CJ reaches the top and starts to pull himself through the opened square. Mack grasps the rope and jumps up. He begins to climb. CJ looks down and spots O’Connor. He starts to pull on the base of the rope, attempting to rip it free. Mack hurries. For once, OCW does something right…the rope is REALLY secured. CJ pulls and pulls. Mack finally reaches the top and starts to pull up. CJ slaps his palms against the top of the Cube in frustration. He throws a kick at Mack, whose head is rising out of the square. Mack ducks! CJ loses his balance…Mack pulls himself through the hole. Both men are now on top of The Cube as a fan yells out “SHARK!!”~
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Did Mack hustle somebody in cards last night?
Smith: Uhm, no, I think they are talking about an actual shark
Hood: What the fuck, really?
Meyhu: For the shark’s sake, I hope Mack is clean.
~We zoom in on a rather large SHARK swimming around the ring. It’s floating around where O’Connor was bleeding into the water. He rises up and test bites the apron. Fans yell out. Mack and CJ don’t notice it. Mack crawls to CJ who is on his knees. Mack punches CJ. CJ punches Mack. Red clouds of splatter appear with each punch. Both men manage to reach their feet while trading blows. The bigger man, Mack gets CJ backing up. CJ nears the edge of the Cube. The fans watching around ringside grow really nervous. That fucking shark is still swimming around. CJ nears the edge as Mack goes for a haymaker! CJ ducks and stumbles back toward the middle of the Cube~
Smith: Whoa!! Hang in there, Mack!
Hood: What kind of shark is that…you think it’s one of those Lion Sharks?
Smith: You mean Tiger Shark?
Hood: Lions, Tigers…whatever
Smith: That’s what it looks like to me
Hood: Crazy cause those things aren’t even orange
~CJ reaches his feet and he charges at Mack. He leaps in the air with Irish Knowledge!! Mack dodges it!! CJ hits the top of the Cube and SLIDES toward the edge!!! He reaches, trying to grab something and manages to slow down enough where just his legs go over the edge. He hangs there as Mack falls to one knee, staggering forward. The fans scream and freak out as the Tiger Shark is right beneath him, swimming around…we’re guessing he MIGHT be an OCW fan~
Smith: This is too dangerous…we need to stop this match or get those guys back inside The Cube
Hood: That shark is really enjoying this match. He’s got a HUGE smile on his face
Smith: That’s just the way his head and mouth are shaped
Hood: I beg to differ. I think he’s a happy shark
Meyhu: We may slap an Aptitude shirt on him by the end of the night if he gets ahold of Mack. What size do you think he wears?
~CJ pulls himself back on top of The Cube. Mack goes after him. He pulls CJ to his feet…CJ throws a flurry of kicks at Mack’s legs. Mack’s base trembles. CJ then throws a mule kick into Mack’s gut. Mack backs up near the hole in the middle. CJ grabs Mack’s head and goes for a swinging neck breaker…Mack swings out of it and drops CJ with Hollow Point(Stunner to the Temple)!!! The crowd erupts with cheers!! Mack flips CJ over and goes for the pin. Gruff, looking up, falls to the mat inside The Cube and counts~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!!
Smith: Whoa!!! Hollow Point out of nowhere…but it wasn’t enough!
Meyhu: Of course it wasn’t!
Hood: Gruff has got to be the laziest ref
Smith: Do you honestly think he can climb that rope? I think he’s nearing sixty.
Hood: I just saw a commercial where a bunch of sixty year old men were bragging about being in the best shape of their lives. Sure it was weird and off putting…seeing these old as fuck guys ripped to shreds but…if they can do it, Gruff can do it.
Meyhu: That sounds awful.
Smith: Not sure I get this sudden turn on Gruff…but okay
~Mack was looking down through the Cube, watching Gruff count. He shakes his head and returns to his feet. He picks CJ up and goes to throw him through the square, to the ring. CJ hops over the square and jumps backward, hitting Mack in his cut with a Pele Kick!! Mack staggers…CJ goes through the square, but manages to hang onto the rope!! Mack is stumbling, more blood is coming out of his cut. The Pele Kick really hit on a weakness~
Smith: If CJ can get up there…
Hood: Why did he jump through the square like that? Is he trying to show off? Is this more Ninja Warrior bullshit?
Smith: NO! He’s just caught in the moment, trying to win a match
Hood: So he jumps headfirst through a square…I don’t get it
~CJ hurries back up the rope…he pulls up onto the top of The Cube. Mack’s arms are spaghetti. CJ runs at him and lunges forward with Irish Knowledge!!! Mack CATCHES CJ, lifts him up and DRILLS him into the top of The Cube with Claymore!!! He remains on top of CJ, nearly out. Gruff counts from inside as the two fatigued, bloodied competitors lay atop the Cube, Mack on top of CJ~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings as the crowd goes wild!!~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND STILL OCW SAVAGE CHAMPION…MACK O’CONNOR!!!!!
Smith: Mack did it!! He finally successfully defended an OCW belt!
Meyhu: No way!
Hood: About fucking time. He’s kinda retarded when it comes to defense, isn’t he?
Smith: What a RUDE thing to say after what he just went through.
Meyhu: This is bullshit!
~Mack rolls off of CJ and stares up into the sky. He’s drenched with his own blood. CJ stirs a little…he’s wincing. He hasn’t quite realized what’s taken place. Matt Meyhu tosses his headset down and intercepts the title as it’s transported to the ring. With it draped over his shoulder, he climbs up into the hole in The Cube. He hops off the ropes and into the ring, heading straight for the rope. He begins climbing~
Hood: Is he going to congratulate Mack?
Smith: I wouldn’t bet on it.
~Matt reaches the top of The Cube and stands up, over the two fallen competitors. Mack pushes his way up to his knees as Matt walks over to him, stepping around CJ. Upon reaching his feet, Mack takes a shot to the face with the title, knocking him right back down. Matt takes a look at the blood smeared on the gold before dropping it flat on the surface of The Cube. He looks down and shakes his head at Mack~
Hood: Guess not!
Smith: I called that one…
Hood: Yeah, me too.
~Matt reaches down and grabs Mack by the head, picking him up to his feet. He takes a look around him as blood drips down in front of him. Finally, Matt grabs Mack around the neck and drives him face first into the title with a Flatliner~
Hood: Ego Trip!
Matt walks over and checks on CJ as Mack rests with his face on the title~
Smith: Matt Meyhu just made a HUGE statement
Hood: Actually, it was pretty short. But impactful
Smith: Well that’s what I meant! I think we’re going to get Meyhu and O’Connor
Hood: But what about CJ?
Smith: He’ll rebound…all the great ones do
Hood: Yea but is he gonna be okay with Meyhu stepping in like that?
Smith: They’re buddies…they’re part of The Aptitude…it all goes to the same place.
Hood: Haha, try telling THOSE guys that. I don’t see CJ and Mack standing next to TIO in that Paradigm Championship graphic.
Smith: You make an interesting point. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens…in the meantime…I’m afraid we’ve got some sad news to cut to…let’s head backstage
~Backstage The Knife Man is explaining what happened to Welsh. The Dravers are furious, kicking things over. The back of an ambulance is visible with the lights flashing. The doors are shut as we get a slight glimpse of a female body lying motionless atop a stretcher. The ambulance runs away, screaming into the distance~
The Knife Man: He is a barbarian! I did the best I could but…there was no stopping him. I’m sorry, sir.
Marcus Welsh: Yea, alright. Got get some water or something before you have a nervous break down.
~The Knife Man rushes off, overcome with emotion and guilt. Jonathan approaches Welsh~
Jonathan Dravers: Is she…okay?
Marcus Welsh: I’d say she’s pretty far from okay. She’s alive though.
Jonathan Dravers: You mean that was in question?
Marcus Welsh: I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. But she’s in bad shape…they don’t know how bad until they run some tests.
Jonathan Dravers: I just don’t get it…I don’t understand it.
Marcus Welsh: Yea, well get over it kid. This is how shit happens in the real world. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to remove her name from all our advertising. I don’t think we’ll be seeing her for a while, if ever again.
~Welsh walks off. Nathan punches a hole in a nearby box. Jonathan kicks the wall out of anger. We cut back to the announce table~
Smith: Pure, visceral reactions by her best friends. You have to think they feel responsible.
Hood: If they do they are fucking dumbasses
Smith: I’m just saying…they had Alice’s back and, well, this happened
Hood: Man they got their own shit to worry about, alright? Alice cost them the tag titles…they need to get over their little fandom of that woman and move the fuck on.
Smith: It’s a sport, a job, Hood. They understand that…their friendship goes beyond that.
Hood: Fine…WHATever. Can we just move onto something else?
Smith: Sure…let’s do that…keep my mind off of this terrible situation.
~The crowd comes to life as MJ Bell appears at the top of the ramp with the OCW World Championship slung over her shoulder and a mic in hand. There are a few shattered boos from the OWL section but that doesn’t seem to sour the new champion’s mood. She merely waits for the crowd to settle a little~
MJ Bell: I know this is the time when I’m supposed to talk ya’lls ears off! I know! However, I want to keep this direct. I want to first thank my fans for their support through everything! It’s been a long road, with some confusing twists thrown in, and I am always blown away by the constant support I receive. Thank you very much. Might’ve been able to do it without you, but having you guys along for the ride has made it a better experience. Finally, I have taken my title back to restart my Championship reign.
~The fans cheer~
MJ Bell: Yeah, let that sink in. Not only did I defeat some of the best when i first attained it, but I did it again! None of these matches were easy. I’ve had to go through a lot to be able to call myself a Champion. Even after I was stripped of this OCW Championship … Feels like it has been a long road to return to this very spot. Honestly, I went through hell to prove myself and get close to this opportunity. It was worth the trip.
~She pauses as the crowd gives her a respectful ovation~
MJ Bell: I want to take a moment to send my well wishes and thoughts to Alice Knight. Regardless of what transpired over the past month, I’ve always thought of Alice as a friend and enjoyed our time together in OCW. Here’s to a speedy recovery.
~The crowd, especially the owl heads get really sad~
MJ Bell: I know we didn’t get the match we all wanted, myself included. But, I will say this…when she heals up, when she is at top condition, I will allow her the rematch she so rightly deserves! Let’s hope that rematch is in the near future!
~This gains a loud cheer and MJ smiles~
MJ Bell: In the meantime, I’m more than ready to defend this title against anyone who thinks they deserve a shot. Perzag, you weren’t able to get your shot tonight. But, I’m more than ready to give you that chance. I’m putting the whole roster on notice: You better bring everything you’ve got if you think you’ll get your hands on this title. I’ve finally reclaimed my throne and I won’t be moving any time soon!
~Her seriousness keeps the constant cheers increasing in noise and MJ drops the mic to the mat. She hoists the title up in the air soaking in the positive reaction before returning it to her shoulder. MJ makes her way to the back~
Smith: And, as is life…things move on with or without you
Hood: Yep, whenever one leader falls another takes its place
Smith: The MJ Bell era is here and I have a feeling it’s going to be a long and eventful one
Hood: At the very least it won’t be filled with cats, ants, and FUCKING owls
Smith: I’m already missing Alice. Well folks…I’m told there’s a CELEBRATION going on with OCW’s newest Hall of Famer. We could use a bit of cheer…so let’s look in before we get down and dirty in the streets of Key West
~Liljungleman is hopping around…he begins to shimmy his shoulders. He winks at a few of the heftier women. They faint with lust. He’s a pretty good dancer. He begins to sing and is PERFECT. Everybody in SLINGERS starts dancing. Scott Syren included. A shit faced Curt Canon swings by on a vine that is somehow available. He’s wearing nothing but his Hall of Fame plaque…which is conveniently covering anything X Rated. Annie is seated in the back with Plethora. She slides him a drink~
Annie Alvarez: Now this is the OCW I remember
~Plethora nods, abstaining from any drink~
Annie Alvarez: Ah, your new found sobriety. Forgot about that, sorry. Listen…I know we’re calling you Plethora but I want to talk to you person to person.
~She reaches over and grabs his hand. Plethora remains steady as a rock. She’s about to call him by a different name when THE FACELESS MEN flood SLINGERS. The fat women scream with fright. Plethora leaps to his feet and tosses his arms in the air. Annie gets in front of him~
Annie Alvarez: No! You’ve got the wrong guy!
~They grab Syren and Liljungleman! The people boo and get angry. Liljungleman and his golden voice are cut off. Syren fights a few of them away but they are too strong, too much…they subdue the Hall of Famer. Syren and Liljungleman are dragged out of Slingers. Welsh approaches through the commotion, composed as always. He spots Annie~
Marcus Welsh: I’m sorry I didn’t do this sooner. We always knew his intentions. We were just hoping we could lay back long enough to catch everyone involved.
Annie Alvarez: Whose intentions?
Marcus Welsh: Scott Syren…he’s been trying to smuggle that old OCW owner, Dean back into the promotion. I didn’t mean to use you as a pawn in all of this, but I had no choice. The plan was to sneak him in tonight. Why do you think I let…that into the Hall of Fame?
~Curt Canon is lying, naked with his plaque on the floor still singing Liljungleman’s them~
Annie Alvarez: So you knew he was in OCW this whole time?
Marcus Welsh: Of course. The moment he signed up we knew he was up to something. So we let him in and kept a close watch. Ran him around, keeping him occupied with meaningless tasks. But we couldn’t wait any longer…the office has been flooded with requests for James Vorex, Slim Shady, Big Daddy G and, *gag*, Scoot Time to get into the Hall of Fame. We had to put an end to this.
Annie Alvarez: Wow, I had no idea
Marcus Welsh: I know you didn’t. You’ve been great this entire time. Now, if this Dean guy tries to reach out to you because, trust me…he’s going to reach out to somebody. He won’t let this go until we take care of him. Put him in one of our cells or something.
Annie Alvarez: Of course…I haven’t heard from him in years. If he tries to contact me you’ll be the first person I call.
Marcus Welsh: Terrific
~Welsh leans in and hugs Annie. He gives her a kiss on the cheek and pats her on the shoulders. He looks up at Plethora. The faceless men approach. They stand on edge for a few minutes. Welsh turns his look from Plethora back to Annie. He shoots an investigative look into her eyes. He gets serious. It then washes away as he returns to his laid back demeanor~
Marcus Welsh: Well then, I’d better be going. We can do dinner or something next week, okay?
Annie Alvarez: That’d be great.
~Welsh snaps his fingers as he and the faceless men evacuate Slingers. Annie sits down, she’s trembling. Plethora sits next to her. He pats her on the shoulder but she jerks away. Plethora stands up to check on Canon. We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Oh my gosh! Is it true…is he really trying to get back into OCW?
Hood: Haha, not anymore! Welsh stomped that shit out quick. I have to say…Slingers looks like a wild fuckin party. I need to get the address from Curt…whenever he sobers up.
Smith: Agree to disagree on Slingers. It does appear as though our new management has thought of everything. I can’t see any way Dean gets in now that his main weapon, Scott Syren is under siege.
Hood: Dude ain’t coming back…he’s like that ancient ex player who keeps talking shit, hoping he can stay relevant. He’s gone…Welsh and the Eastern European are here to stay!
Smith: It certainly appears that way and…I have to say, despite a few hiccups here and there, I think they’ve done a great job.
Hood: FUCK YEA
Smith: On that note...I'd say it's time for the EVENT IS MAIN...Main Event time for you normal folks out there.
Hood: *cracks open a fresh beer* I'm ready, let's do this!
OCW Paradigm Championship
St. Patty’s Day Pub Crawl Brawl
The Incredible One (4-0) vs. “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas (2-1)
~We cut to the streets of Key West. People are walking around, enjoying beverages of their choice. We don’t see any sign of Predator~
Smith: Is Predator out there? Hellooooo
Hood: Might have groped the wrong dude
~We cut to Belvedere who is inside the ring. He’s receiving word via his headset~
Belvedere: I’m being told that Predator has been detained by local authorities. Therefore I, Belvedere! Will handle the announcing duties for this match…so, without further ado…this match is a St Patty’s Day Pub Crawl Brawl scheduled for ONE FALL!! And…it is for the OCW Paradigm Championship!!! Introducing first…
~We are shown the inside of CAPTAIN TONY’S. The Incredible One is leaning against the giant, wooden bar with a white, plastic cup in his hand. His swigging some pineapple concoction that is sure to get you lit. There are also three shots next to his left elbow~
Belvedere: From Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 235lbs…he is the OCW Paradigm Champion…The Incredible One!!!
~TIO nods and picks up a shot, toasting it at the camera. He downs it. He grabs another and downs that one~
Smith: Interesting philosophy this group of wrestlers have when prepping for big matches
Hood: Hey man, it’s just like taking a shit ton of advil or whatever…dulls the pain.
Smith: I guess…also distorts decision making
Hood: Yea, if you’re a pussy who can’t handle your alcohol
Smith: He just finished a pineapple rum beverage AND downed two shots…that’s quite a bit
Hood: Not for a member of The Aptitude…not for someone Incredible…not for our Paradigm Champion
Belvedere: And his opponent…in a location undetermined at this time but definitely not alongside Predator. He is from Everclear County, Tennessee…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 245lbs…he is a former OCW Champion…”The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas!!!
~TIO smiles and shrugs, thinking Vargas has backed out. He’s about to take that third shot when a voice calls from outside the bar~
Chad Vargas: Bitch-up…get your lame ass out here!
~TIO places the shot back on the bar and says, “keep an eye on that, I’ll be right back.” He makes way outside. The bartender heads over to the ‘tip’ bell and he rings it vigorously. The crowd inside the bar goes wild, as does the echoed sounds within the OCW Arena~
Smith: And here we go!
Hood: Main event baby! This should be fucking badass
Smith: How many beers have you had?
Hood: Not nearly enough to be spending my evenings with you and feel good about it
~We follow TIO he steps outside as the establishment has no doors. Vargas is standing on the corner of a four way intersection. The street is lightly trafficked…it’s more of a pedestrian, on foot type area than it is a major hub for commerce. A few chickens are running around which, my sound weird, but is normal in Key West. A few trollies carrying vacationers are bustling slowly down the streets…but, for the most part, it’s lined with people in shorts, tank tops and carrying beers. The only establishments are sunglass huts, t-shirt shops, and bars. Vargas spots TIO and sprints for him. A few vacationers scream and dart out of the way as Vargas wraps his arms around TIO’s waist and bullies him backward. He’s able to lift TIO’s legs up and tip him over onto his back. TIO lands on the sidewalk roughly…Vargas crawls on top and starts throwing fists at TIO’s head. The crowd around cheers, mostly…a few people look for police thinking this is some impromptu brawl~
Smith: Here we go!! The hatred for these two is scintillating!
Hood: Nice ‘s’ word, man, very sleek
Smith: I do not appreciate the supercilious intonation
Hood: Well, suck it
~A few people bring some police over saying “Stop this, it’s getting out of hand.” The cops look down and become happy, “Oh sweet! I had this set for DVR but fuck it, I’ll watch it live instead. Bartender, give me a beer!” The cops begin swilling beer, watching the pub brawl. TIO kicks Vargas off him and struggles to his feet. His elbows are chafed. Vargas re-establishes his footing and he charges at TIO once more, bullying him inside Captain Tony’s and against the bar. The edge of the bar stabs TIO in the back, he winces. Vargas lifts a knee into TIO’s gut. He then grabs TIO by the hair and tosses him harshly to the cement ground. The crowd cheers! Vargas looks at the shot and asks the bartender, “Is that his?” pointing at TIO. The bartender nods. Vargas throws it back and slams the empty glass back down. “Keep them coming, on that mother fucker’s tab,” he demands. The bartender does as he’s told~
Smith: I’m not sure TIO is going to enjoy the excessive bar tab
Hood: He’ll be fine…the man spits gold…he sneezes silver…every time he smiles the twinkle off his pearly whites heals the nearest sick person.
Smith: Yea, I doubt that
Hood: So did Thomas, Smith…so did Thomas
~Vargas receives another shot and he buries it down the hatch. TIO is staggering to his feet…Vargas rushes over and smashes the shot glass against TIO’s head! TIO falls into the wall…it keeps him from hitting the ground. Vargas looks at his hand, it’s got a few tiny cuts. He wipes it off on the side of his ring shorts. He looks at the bartender, “You gonna charge me for that?” The bartender nods and Vargas points at TIO, “His tab as well.” Vargas then kicks TIO in the ass…TIO stumbles forward, landing on his hands and knees. A few drops of blood fall from his head as the shot glass gave him a tiny cut, but nothing The Knife Man would get excited about~
Smith: Vargas in total control
Hood: Of TIO’s body but, more importantly, his Debit Card!
Smith: That can be a dangerous situation…I had a charge show up from Mexico the other day…had to get it cancelled.
Hood: I didn’t know you were down in Mexico getting dirty with the locals
Smith: I would NEVER
Hood: Oh, so you think they’re a bunch of dirty Mexicans who aren’t worth your time?
Smith: I…I never said that
Hood: You’re really into WALLS aren’t you
Smith: Back to the match!
~TIO tries to crawl away…hoping to regain his wits. Vargas stays on top of him. He kicks TIO in the middle of the back. TIO flattens out on the concrete, dirty bar floor. Patrons scatter, giving them room to operate. Vargas stands on a bench with no back. He leaps off and stomps on TIO’s back with both legs. He then casually strolls to the bar and whistles. The bartender presents another shot. Vargas throws it back and then shatters the glass into the back of TIO’s head!! TIO is flat on his face and stomach…a bit of blood is starting to rise from the back of his head. The fans chant as Vargas nods, enjoying the ambiance of this ass kicking his handing out~
Smith: It’s all Chad Vargas!
Hood: Yea this might not have been the best idea for TIO…I’m sure Vargas has seen his fair share of bar room brawls.
Smith: Indeed
Hood: But the fucker could pay for his own drinks…that’s just low man, sneaking your shit on another man’s tab.
Smith: He’s not really being all that surreptitious about it, Hood
Hood: Are you retarded? He’s not downing syrup…that’s whiskey you dumb fuck
~Vargas pulls TIO to his feet by the back of his hair. He drags him near a door and throws him, head first!! The door falls inward, breaking off the hinges. It leads into the restroom. Vargas steps inside and yanks TIO to his feet again. He drags him near the mirror and makes him look at the cuts on the top of his head. He then rubs the back of TIO’s head and displays the red palm belonging to that hand through the mirror’s reflection. “See that, bitch-up? That’s your fucking blood and there’s more to come!” He turns around and throws TIO head first into the door of a stall. It was locked, but TIO’s weight breaks it down. TIO falls backwards, right at Chad’s feet. Chad’s about to pick him up when he notices something~
Smith: Oh my!
Hood: Holy shit…old man’s still got it!
Smith: Can we pull the camera away or something?
Hood: Nice to see he’s putting that 10k to good use!
~A bruised and battered Caution has a girl half his age up against the bathroom stall. He turns around and spots the camera. He does nothing. He goes back to sealing the deal – how’s that for a euphemism. Vargas gives him a very Dr. Orange-esque thumb up. An arm reaches between his legs and punches Vargas right in the crotch!! Chad doubles over. TIO gets to his feet and he kicks Chad in the ass. Chad stumbles into the stall, bumping into a thrusting Caution~
Smith: Can we get them OUT of there…for heaven’s sake. And the audacity of that man, he’s twice that girl’s age.
Hood: He’s an inspiration!
Smith: Why do we ALWAYS have to dip to these depths, Hood?
Hood: I don’t know, but personally I’m appalled that Vargas attacked that woman in such a…feral? Visceral?
Smith: The adjective is immaterial because he wasn’t attacking anyone
~TIO pays the obscene situation little mind. He grabs Vargas by his blonde hair and drags him out of the bathroom. He picks him up and bodyslams him onto the concrete floor in the bar area. He walks over to a pool table. A guy is about to take a shot. He rips the stick away. The guy bows up…TIO puffs his chest out, the guy backs down. TIO takes the stick and jams it into Chad’s throat!! Chad’s legs kick around while TIO keeps the pressure on~
Smith: I was never any good at pool
Hood: That’s no surprise...but I bet you were good at POCKET pool
Smith: Ha ha, very funny
Hood: How deep were your pockets…I’m guessing not very
~TIO removes the stick and heads to the bar. He yells, “Where the FUCK is my third shot?” The bartender is petrified…so he just pours another, probably on the house. TIO slams it and then cracks the stick in half. He takes the fat end along with the shot glass. Vargas stumbles to his feet, coughing…TIO bashes the shot glass into Chad’s forehead. Vargas falls back down. TIO then takes the broken, splintery end of the stick and quickly jabs it over and over into Chad’s head. Vargas screams as the wood is poking into his skin~
Smith: That tab keeps piling up
Hood: You think TIO has any idea? Maybe I should tell him
Smith: They’re like ten miles away
Hood: Oh yea, damn off location matches.
~TIO tosses the stick aside…Vargas’ head looks like it’s suffering from bad acne. That is until the acne begins to spit out blood. He’s forehead is chewed up. TIO stomps onto his head once…Vargas rolls over and reaches for the broken cue. TIO kicks it away. He picks Vargas up and throws him OVER the bar!! The bartender, who is REALLY hating his job right now, darts out of the way. TIO hops over the bar and begins perusing the liquor bottles~
Smith: You know, isn’t the Paradigm Title meant for mat wrestling…the purity of the sport?
Hood: Yea, under that weirdo who used to run this place. But Jimmy Buffet knows a thing or two about how to breathe life into a boring as fuck championship
Smith: I disagree
Hood: I guess you forgot that in the final Paradigm Championship match under the former administration Bifford was chasing Dangerous Dan around with a Scythe
Smith: I had until now…thanks
~He searches and searches, going through several different brands and liquors. He finally locates EVERCLEAR. We’re gonna just assume they carry that. He rips off the pour control nozzle and leans over Vargas…he starts to pour it all over the punctured scalp. Vargas at first somewhat enjoys the refreshing coolness of the liquid…until, well, it burns…badly. He yells out and flails about doing what he can to wipe it from his head. TIO laughs and throws a swig back. He coughs and stares at the bottle~
Smith: Seems like that was a bit more than he bargained for
Hood: Shit is straight gasoline
Smith: I wouldn’t know, I’ve never had the displeasure
Hood: It’s great for party punch. Grab an ice chest, fill it up with a bunch of Gatorade and juice and then dump some ‘clear in there…chicks get TANKED
Smith: Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen
~TIO throws the bottle across the bar. It shatters against the wall, some woman screams. A bunch of broke patrons rush over to try and scoop up as much of the alcohol as they are able. TIO yanks Vargas by his wet, reddening hair. He throws him back over the bar, into the patron area. Vargas crashes over some stools before landing hard. TIO hops onto the bar and jumps off, dropping and elbow onto Vargas! He gets to his feet and limps around, wincing…it was a pretty tough fall~
Smith: Yea, those types of moves can be harmful in this environment
Hood: A few more shots and he’ll perform a suicide dive off the top of one of them buildings!
Smith: Well, if that’s the case…I doubt anyone could accuse the move’s name of being hyperbole.
Hood: Is that like a bowl of weed laced with cocaine?
Smith: No, it means exaggeration
Hood: Hmm, hyverpolie…cool, new word, thanks man!
~TIO favors his hip a bit. Vargas, the tough southern badass, is already trying to regain his footing. TIO rushes over and soccer kicks him in the gut!! Vargas flips over and rolls several times over…he winds up near the entrance. A man with a guitar is standing right in the entry way. The case is open and a few dollars are sprinkled about. He’s getting ready to play. TIO reaches over and grabs a dollar out of the bartender’s tip jar. The bartender gets angry but TIO raises a fist and he backs down. TIO then throws the dollar into the guitar case and yells “Needle and the Spoon!” The very calm, drifting artist nods and begins playing Chad’s theme. The crowd starts to sing along~
Smith: How insulting!
Hood: What a great guy…TIO is paying tribute to the soon to be deceased Chad Vargas!
Smith: No he’s not…he wants Vargas to hear this song while he beats him up
Hood: Oh, well at least it will provide some comfort
Smith: It’s like salt in the wound
Hood: OR…Everclear in the wound!
~The crowd continues to sing along as TIO chimes in a little. He’s not over the top loud, more talk-singing. He grabs Chad and yanks the back of his hair…he points at the musician. The musician gets a little nervous as his voice breaks, momentarily. TIO then runs toward the bar and goes to slam Vargas face first…Vargas, though, kicks his leg up and stops the impact. He head puts TIO and slams TIO’s head into the bar!! The crowd goes wild as the singing intensifies! Chad breathes in heavily and waves the bartender over. He asks for one more shot and the tab. The bartender complies~
Smith: How is Chad going to sign for the tab?
Hood: With his hand
Smith: Duh, I know that…but he isn’t TIO and this is on television
Hood: Since when did logic stand in the way of a good story?
Smith: Good point
~The bartender hands Vargas a shot. Some blood drips into it before he’s able to throw it back. It doesn’t matter. TIO starts to get up and Vargas smashes the shot glass against his head. The bartender writes in an added expenditure. Vargas grabs TIO’s right hand, gets a pin and force signs his signature. He then takes TIO’s card and stuffs it down the side of his shorts. He pulls TIO by the hair and drags him out of the bar. The crowd outside cheers as the bloodied Vargas and the disheveled, slightly crimsoned TIO emerge into the streets of Key West! Vargas tosses TIO’s body into the road, he tumbles around. Vargas goes after him…TIO gets to his feet and he punches Vargas. Vargas punches him back…they begin brawling much to the drunken crowd’s delight~
Smith: They are brawling on Greene St during a St Patrick’s Themed Event!
Hood: You were waiting all match to say that…weren’t you?
Smith: Yes, I thought they’d NEVER leave that bar
Hood: Such a loser
~A trolley carrying vacationers heads down Greene St. It stops and honks at TIO and Vargas. TIO stops and looks angrily at the driver. Vargas uses the distraction to his advantage, thumbing TIO in the eye! He drags TIO to the trolley and throws him aboard. The driver yells something about all passengers requiring a seat. Vargas shows him his forehead and yells, “Does it look like I give a fuck?!” The driver replies, “NO SIR!” and he starts driving. Vargas begins to bash TIO’s head into the metal flooring of the trolley which takes a right turn down Fitzpatrick Street~
Smith: And now they are going down Fitzpatrick Street…my how convenient!
Hood: What’s next, Shamrock Boulevard?
Smith: Oh come on…
Hood: How about Four Leaf Cove?
Smith: No
~ TIO fights Vargas off and grabs his right hand…he bites down. Vargas yells and rips his right hand away. In doing so, it thrashes the driver in the neck, knocking him out. The trolley swerves and crashes into a building. Everyone aboard screams. TIO gets to his feet and shoves a couple of Dare lookalikes out of their seats. He crawls out of the window, because Vargas was in the way of the door. Vargas goes after him. TIO is half out the opened window with his arms reaching up and grabbing the roof. Vargas tries grabbing his legs, but TIO kicks him away and climbs to the roof of the trolley. Vargas goes after him~
Smith: What on earth are they going to do up there?
Hood: You ever seen Teen Wolf?
Smith: That’s ridiculous…the vehicle would need to be moving to pull that off!
Hood: Now you’re being ridiculous…everybody knows you only dance on the roofs of cars when they are stationary…or, in this case, stuck inside some random building.
~Vargas reaches the roof as everyone except the injured driver spills out of the trolley. Fans from Captain Tony’s have followed the trolley and are standing around, looking up, along with the former passengers. Others gather as well. The two men start to trade punches. TIO gains the advantage. Vargas backs up near the edge…fans scatter. Vargas fights back!! TIO stumbles near the edge…those fans scatter!! TIO battles back…the two continue to exchange. Crimson mist splatters into the air after each blow with both men losing their fair share of blood, Vargas more so at this point~
Smith: I don’t have a good feeling about this…something awful might happen
Hood: No shit, they are fighting on top of a trolley in the middle of a road
Smith: So you’re saying I’m stating the obvious?
Hood: Uhh, obviously
~Vargas is woozy…leaning back near the edge. TIO is starting to win the war. The everclear is working over time, dulling his pain. He goes to clothesline Vargas off the trolley…but Vargas ducks and lifts TIO up onto his shoulders. He turns to toss TIO off the Trolley with an FU…but TIO slips off his back! Vargas turns around and TIO kicks him in the groin!! Vargas doubles over and TIO grabs his head and hooks it. TIO turns where his back is facing the edge. He lifts Vargas up into the air, keeping him vertical. The crowd scatters and holds their breath. TIO closes his eyes and mouths the phrase, ‘fuck it’…he then falls back!! The two men cascade down and SLAM into the hard road via a suplex from TIO!!! The crowd gasps in horror. A drunken ‘HOLY SHIT’ chant starts to catch fire and eventually fills the Key West atmosphere. But the men are down…they aren’t moving. Their eyes are shut…fortunately, their chests are rising and falling thanks to the involuntary bodily function known as BREATHING~
Smith: That’s INSANE! They are both broken…they have to be…there is NO give out there
Hood: An ultimate death match that ends in a tie? Interesting
Smith: No, it’d be tragic. We need a ref out here right now…where is our ref anyway…I haven’t seen him the entire match!
Hood: If it’s Scruff, I bet he was licking the Everclear TIO spilled earlier off the floor
~A golf cart appears with Puff riding shot gun. An OCW employee is yelling at him, “I don’t care if you think this is crash test dummy wrestling. You HAVE to officiate it.” Puff’s arms are folded, he’s pouting. “If you don’t, we are cancelling your subscription to Japanese wrestling.” Puff’s eyes widen. He hops out of the cart and rushes over to TIO and Vargas. He inspects the carnage and begins a count~
Smith: Just once, for the love…could we have a NORMAL referee
Hood: Hey Puff is normal…sure he might take this wrestling thing a little too seriously…but that’s a good thing, right?
Smith: Not if he goes on strike before matches he’s set to ref due to the barbaric nature of the stipulation
Hood: Eh, I don’t have as much of a problem with that as I do over the fact he still rocks that ‘wet gelled hair’ look.
~Puff yells “ONE!” the crowd begins to urge the competitors to get up. We zoom in and get a close up look. Dust surrounds their bodies. It begins to clear and we see their faces…they look so peaceful…aside from all the fucking blood of course. A chicken clucks and struts into view. It starts pecking at the forehead of Vargas~
Smith: Ewww
Hood: That’s it, I’m never eating poultry again
Smith: I don’t think that’s a chicken’s normal diet
~Chad’s eyes shoot open. He grabs the chicken and sits up. TIO is still out. Puff stops counting. Chad gets to his feet and he grabs the chicken by the neck. He holds it into the air. The fans all look on. One says, “Chicken run was a great movie.” Another says, “I just love animals.” A third adds, “Moments like this are why I’m glad I’m a vegan.” Chad then SNAPS the neck of the chicken. Everyone screams and runs. He drops the lifeless body and points at TIO in a moment of Southern symbolism. He pulls TIO to his feet and backs him against the trolley. Chad slaps him across the face~
Smith: Despicable!
Hood: Yes, completely foul
Smith: I’m glad you’re taking this seriously
Hood: It was a very foul move
Smith: I know, I heard you the first time
Hood: How FOWL could you be?
Smith: Hey, wait a minute…quit mocking animal cruelty!
~TIO spits a blood soaked wad into Chad’s face. Chad head butts TIO. TIO falls to his knees. Chad slams the back of TIO’s head into the unforgiving metal of the trolley. He hoists TIO up and carries him across the street toward HOG’S BREATH SALOON! There’s an outdoor entry with one of those ‘stick your face through the hole’ things and it’ll look like you’ve got some weird, funny body. The bodies for these are beach going pigs. Vargas spots the source of lame entertainment and he carries TIO behind the themed partitions. He sets TIO down and wedges his face inside the hole atop a female, bikini pig body. TIO’s head is smashed in there really tight. His blood leaks out and down the portrait, giving it a weird look. Some fancy man in the background claps and says, “Love it! Raw, edgy! Great art!” Vargas tells him to, “Keep your fucking mouth shut you pussy!” He grabs someone’s cell and takes a picture of TIO. He then hands the phone back and rushes forward with an elbow into TIO’s face!!! TIO falls back and the entire partition tilts over, landing on top of him~
Smith: I think Vargas might have inadvertently created a visceral form of moving art!
Hood: You think that’s wild…who knew the guy could use a cell phone??
Smith: Whatever, he was posting a blog earlier in the week
Hood: Too long; didn’t read
Smith: Jerk
~Vargas heads inside the Saloon. There is an indoor drinking area and an outdoor area. Vargas remains in the outdoor area. He heads up to the bar. Patrons scatter upon seeing his bloodied, beaten exterior. He leans against the bar and reaches into his pants. A portly woman nearby yells, “Geezus Malone, he’s going for his cock!” Vargas removes TIO’s debit card and he slides it onto the bar. He holds up two fingers and says “whiskey.” Blood shoots from his lip onto the counter. The bartender remembers the extra funds given earlier in the week by TIO. So, instead of calling police…he complies. He takes the card, runs it and begins to pour a couple of shots of whiskey. Meanwhile, back outside the entrance…TIO has crawled out from under the partition and lumbered near the entry…he spots Vargas at the bar, reaches his feet and staggers toward him~
Smith: The Incredible One is back on his feet…this is…well you know what I’m about to say so save me the reiteration
Hood: AMAZING
Smith: Uhh, okay…not where I was going but works all the same. It’s as though The Incredible One has something beyond his normal motivation to fight for
Hood: Do you think he bet on himself?
Smith: That’s not where I was going either!
~TIO approaches the bar. Vargas has a shot in both hands. TIO rips him around by the shoulder. Vargas glares at him through his bloodied eyes. TIO yanks a shot away. There is a tense moment…both men toast, slam the bottom of the shot glasses down, throw them back and then smash the glasses against each other’s head. They ensue in a brawl as fans scatter. Their brawl takes him against the bar…through bar stools, bumping into tables. It’s wild. The crowd in the Saloon chants “PARADIGM! PARADIGM!”~
Smith: Weird chant given the MEANING of the belt these two men are fighting for
Hood: Yea, I don’t know why they are so pumped over twenty cents
Smith: Huh?
Hood: Pair of dimes!
~TIO finally knees Vargas in the gut!! Vargas stumbles. TIO hooks him and lifts him up for a Brainbuster! But Vargas wiggles free and is standing behind TIO. He hooks him and tosses him with a Release German Suplex on to the BAR!! TIO lands and slides down the bar a bit, knocking over some drinks. The bartender is wiping out a glass, shaking his head. He adds the damages up on the card Vargas gave him. Chad climbs atop a stool and yells out “KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!!” He beats his chest in a drunken, bloody display of bravado. He steps onto the bar and makes his way toward TIO~
Smith: Vicious suplex by Vargas. I have to say, it’s nice to see a rare wrestling move in this Paradigm division.
Hood: Do you think they are going to reenact Coyote Ugly?
Smith: I certainly hope not
Hood: Yea, I doubt their dance act would garner those pair of dimes…more like a pair of cuffs
~Vargas pulls TIO up. TIO shoves him back. He reaches up and grabs a wine glass hanging from above the bar. He hits Vargas with it. Vargas grabs one himself and he hits TIO with it. They go on like this with several glasses. The bartender continues adding to TIO’s tab~
Smith: That tab is gonna rival something you’d see from a musician
Hood: Like Adele’s meal tab at a steakhouse?
Smith: RUDE! I love Adele!!
Hood: Hey, I didn’t say anything negative about her voice
~The two drunk, aggressive, determined wrestlers finish smashing the wine glasses. TIO throws a wild lariat. Vargas ducks and he drops TIO on top of the bar with THE STROKE!! The place erupts!! Vargas falls off the bar due to its narrow width. He climbs back up and pins TIO with his knees firmly planted in the seat of a bar stool. Puff comes hustling in, breathing heavily. He drops to the ground and makes the count~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!!!
Smith: TIO kicked out of The Stroke!!
Hood: I blame Puff
Smith: He was later than usual…I don’t know WHY he wasn’t near the action
Hood: Seriously? Are you watching these two? Who wants to be near these guys…aside from the bartender who keeps dipping into TIO’s bank account.
~Vargas sits back in the stool and catches a breather. Puff, though, seems more exhausted. TIO rolls onto his side and coughs up a bit of blood. It hits the bartender in the pants. He makes a notation on TIO’s tab for new clothing. Determination re-grips Vargas and he climbs onto the bar. He grabs TIO and yanks him back to his feet. Vargas spots a nearby table. He places his arm around the back of TIO’s head and neck…he’s preparing for a Stroke off the bar, through the table~
Smith: If he hits this…more than the match could be over
Hood: True, that table will never be used again
Smith: Or, you know, TIO’s career
Hood: Pssh, he’ll be fine
~TIO fights free with elbows. Vargas stumbles and sways, nearly falling off the bar. TIO lifts him up into a powerbomb position. Vargas freaks out. He grabs hold of the wooden station above their heads that holds the wine glasses. He hangs from there, kicking at TIO. TIO tries fighting off the kicks as Vargas is clearly attempting to kick TIO off the bar~
Smith: I think Vargas knew what was coming
Hood: I think he calls this the Bicycle
Smith: Okay, that’s slightly funny but still inappropriate
Hood: Lance fucking Armstrong air cycling!
~TIO lunges forward and he punches Vargas right in the crotch!!! Vargas is about to let go but TIO grabs him. He lifts him up for a powerbomb and leaps off the bar…he drops Vargas THROUGH the table with YOU’RE INCREDIBLE FUCKED!! The table splinters in half with anger. It was stiff and didn’t want to break. TIO remains seated with Vargas’ legs in his face and Chad’s shoulders to the ground. Puff stumbles in and counts~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings as the crowd gives an applause for what they’ve just witnessed~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….AND STILL OCW PARADIGM CHAMPION…THE INCREDIBLE ONE!!!!!
Smith: What a match!! I think this one was closer than their last one
Hood: I know it had more alcohol!
Smith: Indeed…as much as I hate to admit it…TIO earned it this go around. He’s having a run in 2017 that is certainly living up to that name he so arrogantly wears.
Hood: Fucking Vargas…man that dude is as badass as they come…
Smith: For every big fight there has to be a winner and, unfortunately, a loser. Vargas will be back, nothing can keep the Confederate Icon down.
~Some OCW medics rush in to check Vargas out. TIO staggers to his feet as Puff raises his hand and hands him the Paradigm Championship. TIO hoists the belt up and places it on his shoulder as he begins to slowly walk out of the Hog’s Breath Saloon. He stops though at the door frame, looking back at a bloodied and beaten Chad Vargas starting to get back up, with the help of the medics. TIO clenches his fist before running over and smashing Vargas in the head with his foot. The medics try to stop the assault but not wanting any interference, TIO grabs the referee and throws him over the bar, smashing him into bottles of alcohol and empty glasses~
Smith: Jesus TIO is a man possessed. He already won the brawl, isn’t that enough?
Hood: No man, he said he was going to end Vargas. Now that TIO has successfully defended his title he’s making a statement!
Smith: He won the match! Isn’t that enough?
Hood: Not for Mr. Incredible.
~TIO grabs Vargas by his hair and starts dragging him out of the bar through their wreckage of broken tables, chairs, and glass everywhere. Once outside, TIO picks Vargas up in a power bomb position and smashes his back against the brick wall of the saloon. He then finds a car parked on the side of the road and slams Vargas’ back into the side of the car, shattering one of the side windows. Not giving Vargas anytime to breath, TIO brings him to his feet and whips him into the side mirror head first, causing the mirror to fly off on the side of the road. An OCW fan tries to stop TIO from assaulting Vargas anymore but TIO pushes him, grabs the side mirror and levels it against the fans head, causing him to fall instantly onto the sidewalk~
Smith: How can you condone this, Hood?
Hood: It’s the alcohol. Blame the liquor! TIO is usually an outstanding citizen.
Smith: RIGHT…
~Turning his attention back to Vargas, TIO grabs him by his hair again and starts whispering words to him that the camera can’t pick up. He lifts Vargas onto his shoulders and climbs atop the broken car and screams before delivering a nasty “You’re Incredibly Fucked!” Argentine Piledriver on the windshield of the car; the windshield shattering and Vargas’ head going through the windshield and the plastic dashboard. Vargas’ body lay on the hood of the car, motionless, as TIO goes back into the bar and grabs a bottle of whiskey. He comes back out, takes the lid off and drinks half the bottle before pouring the rest over Vargas’ body. He throws the empty whiskey bottle away before stumbling towards the camera man to speak~
TIO: C-can they hear me… yeah? Fine. L-listen here, OCW. I told you that I would fuckin’ destroy C-c-h-had Vargas AND I FUCKING DID! I am your supremeee OCW Paradigmmm Champ, hic, and I am the greatest OCW Champion today. No one can touch me, no one can touch the Apt-Apti-Aptitude! I am the GREATEST FUCKING WRESTLER ALIVE TODAY! I’d also like to dedicate this moment to my daughter I j-just found out about… this is for you--
~TIO puts his finger up for a moment, stopping, before puking in front of the camera and falling to one knee and then passing out in the street. Law enforcement and paramedics finally show up to check up on both competitors and survey the damage as we cut back to the OCW Arena~
Smith: And there’s our Paradigm Champion, folks…passed out, in a puddle of puke, in the middle of a Key West road
Hood: Hey, if you don’t like it, you shouldn’t be here
Smith: I’m just saying…
Hood: Those guys drank probably a bottle of whiskey each…the fact that they can still stand, let alone pull off fucking wrestling moves is pretty impressive. I’d give each of them an OCW Title.
Smith: Yea because THAT wouldn’t dilute the product
Hood: I’ll dilute YOUR product
Smith: Whatever that means. Well folks, it’s been a great night…we’ve seen it all…I think. I’m exhausted, Hood’s starting to get a buzz on so I think this is as good a time as any to call it quits.
Hood: I’m going to part at that Hog’s Breath Saloon.
Smith: I thought you were afraid of physical confrontations
Hood: NO! I’m not…but, I mean, if I were…I think that’d be the last fucking place one would occur after all of that…don’t you?
Smith: Solid point. I might even join you for a wine cooler.
Hood: No.
Smith: Okay then. That’s it for us, folks…we’ll see you next Monday at Massacre!!
~We cut to a dark scene. It’s underneath the OCW Arena. A row of cells are shown. Syren, bound by HUGE cuffs is being led down the corridor. Liljungleman is behind him. As they pass the cells we see several former OCW faces. Clubbin Man is in one cell. Cheasy M is in another. D Double D is spotted as well. Former OCW Champion Slim Shady is imprisoned, making his first OCW television appearance in who knows how long. Richard and Scoot Time share a cell. They reach two empty cells. Liljungleman is tossed in one, Syren in the other. The doors are slammed shut. Syren looks across at Liljungleman~
Scott Syren: You hear me singin
Liljungleman: Down in the bottom of the world
Scott Syren: A thousand miles from nowhere, dreamin bout a girl
Liljungleman: She used to love me but I, went away
Scott Syren: They gonna keep me here 'til the Judgement Day
Liljungleman: Lord, lord, lord,
Together: I got the jailhouse blues…
~We slowly fade out~