OCW Presents: Hood Rich
From the Streets of Compton, California
LIVE! Sunday, April 26th 2015

~Rapidly scrolling through television channels, we become annoyed with the delayed process of finding that particular station which will broadcast Hood Rich. So, we go to guide. We see that another GROUND BREAKING episode of Homeland is about to episode on Showtime and collectively grown. Sure, Claire Danes is hot and kind of slutty in the show, but, c’mon, since season 1 this show has sucked.

We then scroll past the Walking Dead...the only show where people are deathly afraid of pretty much inanimate objects. Seriously, watch Zombieland, a little cardio and you’ve got nothing to worry about.

About to give up...there it is...Hood Rich. Instantly, we click on those two words which seem kind of odd when put together. We are taken to the very end of a pornographic film. The girl is washing her face, wearing nothing but a long, buttoned up t-shirt while the guy is slipping on a pair of spongebob underwear~

Porn Chick: You got me good that time, Dale!

Porn Guy: I took a double dose of daily vitamins this morning, must have really got the juices flowing.

Porn Chick: Seriously, I think you busted one of my contacts in half.

Porn Guy: But aren’t those like plastic or rubbery or whatever

Porn Chick: More flexible than a floppy dildo...THAT’s how potent you were today, Gale.

Porn Guy: Dale

Porn Chick: Anyway, I need to be heading out, I have to show up for my second job tonight.

Porn Guy: You somebody’s nanny?

Porn Chick: Nah, that’s my Monday through Friday gig. I have to go be a backstage interviewer at a wrestling show.

~With that, the porn chick slides some jogging pants over her lower torso, combs through a few rough, stuck together strands of hair and hustles off as Dale pops a few more vitamins~

Porn Guy: Alright, well if you wanna hook up later, I’ve got a few more scenes to shoot, so I should be done around eleven.

~She stops in the doorway of their cheap hotel as the long, greasy haired director is beating off in the corner, letting the air from the vent blow across his exposed, lower half~

Porn Chick: I’m sorry, but I don’t mix worked pleasure with pleasure.

~She slams the door and leaves the two guys alone, in the room. Our screen goes black. We look around, thankful that our parents or guardians, whoever we’re living with, didn’t catch what just went on. Suddenly, the sound of a cash register opening hits our ears as ‘It’s On’ by Eazy E begins to play. We are taken to shots of President Dean as a young kid. He’s in a ghetto background, throwing dice and passing 40s. The pictures appear a bit off, but we chalk that up to the magic of 1970’s Polaroid cameras. Suddenly, the feed stops as we settle on a picture of tiny Dean setting atop a cheap, warped bicycle. A voice speaks out~

Chad Vargas: Wait a cotton pickin minute here!

~The fans boo loudly at both the visual of OCW Champion Chad Vargas along with his reference~

Chad Vargas: That’s not President Dean, look at the fucking kid’s leg!

~Instead of pointing, Vargas hawks a huge blot of chaw in the general vicinity, showing that the leg does, in fact, belong to a person of Caucasian descent~

President Dean: Cut!

~President Dean steps into view and glares at Chad, with his arms extended~

President Dean: What the fuck, Vargas? You’re going to just walk in here use THAT reference in Compton and ruin my storybook opening?

Chad Vargas: I can’t help it if you couldn’t photoshop the a black leg onto a white kid.

~Chad turns around and walks off as Dean’s shoulders slump~

Director: Mr. President Dean, sir...do you want us to continue...

President Dean: No, everyone and their mother now know I grew up in a privileged house hold. Run that other shit we filmed the other day...

~Dean lowers his head and slowly walks away as we cut to a shot of President Dean wearing a black cape, black mask and red stache. Next to him is obviously Scott Syren with an eye patch, giant pirate hat and a long, fake blue beard that’s off center~

Not President Dean: Yo, dawgs, Not President Dean here and alongside me is my rap partner, UnScott Syren.

UnScott Syren: Aww yea, bitch

Not President Dean: Welcome to Hood Rich...

UnScott Syren: Bitch

Not President Dean: A night that will go down in history

UnScott Syren: Bitch

Not President Dean: It all starts with the Oh Shit Match

UnScott Syren: Beyatch

Not President Dean: Where OCW wrestlers vie for that pie in the sky

UnScott Syren: Bitch

Not President Dean: Then we get to watch TLS

UnScott Syren: More like PMS

Not President Dean: Face RM Strong

UnScott Syren: Got no schlong

Not President Dean: To see who will ascend

UnScott Syren: We ain’t wearing depends

Not President Dean: Next up is a team called Awe.Some

UnScott Syren: Cum

Not President Dean: Facing off against the Danger Boiz

UnScott Syren: Fuck that noiz

Not President Dean: For the tag team belts

UnScott Syren: belts..err..umm...BITCH

Not President Dean: Dangerous Dan pulls double duty

UnScott Syren: He so fruity

Not President Dean: Defending against Ricky Rhodes and PerZag

UnScott Syren: PerFAG

Not President Dean: For the title of Paradigm

UnScott Syren: Sheeyat, I got that rhyme

Not President Dean: Followed up by Supreme Machine

UnScott Syren: Easter Bunny ate all my jelly beans

Not President Dean: Trying his best against Mack O’Connor

UnScott Syren: BITCH

Not President Dean: In a bout for the Savage

UnScott Syren: Fuck the names of these titles

Not President Dean: Chad Vargas is in the house

UnScott Syren: With a right hook like Mickey MOUSE

Not President Dean: Facing off against Bob Grenier

UnScott Syren: Who has a physique like Yogurt Parfait

Not President Dean: They square off for the OCW Title

UnScott Syren: Watching that shit will make me down a bottle Midol.

Not President Dean: And we turn our attention to Lurrr

UnScott Syren: Booo-urrrrr

Not President Dean: Defending against Scott Syren

UnScott Syren: Never heard of that cool ass mother fucker before

Not President Dean: For the Hall of Fame Title

UnScott Syren: In a match that will be so fucking epic it will cause dicks all across the world to blow loads and chicks fertile crescents to explode. A match of the year, for sure as Scott mother fucking Syren beats the hell out of Lurrr and wins the Hall of Fame title. A weight room match we haven’t seen since Y2James got his face crushed against the treadmill...a match that will be so rich with talent and entertainment that Beverly Hills will look like the slums in comparison to Compton. Best match of the night, I love this match, holy shit this match is going to be tight...yea, yea, hall of fame title, oh yea

~Not President Dean just sort of looks at UnSyren weirdly as UnSyren’s rapping comes to a slow, elongated death. He finally ends and looks over at NPD~

UnScott Syren: What?

Not President Dean: Are you finished?

UnScott Syren: I believe so, just got carried away...match is going to be fucking tight, though.

Not President Dean: Right...ahem...welcome to Hood Rich, chump suckas

UnScott Syren: We about to entertain all you mother fuckas!

~NPD and USS cross their arms like a couple of weirdos as we fade out and into a jam packed street area of Compton! The crowd is screaming, chanting and woofing. It’s a wild audience, perhaps the wildest in OCW history. A few “NPD” chants break out followed immediately by the ‘USS’ chants drowning them out~

Hood: What a patriotic crowd we have here, Smith, listen to them chanting for our country.

Smith: I believe they are chanting for UnScott Syren

Hood: Oh...well that’s EVEN BETTER

~Smith and Hood are seated at an announce table atop a scaffold, several feet above the streets, keeping them a safe distance from the crowd. The crowd is a bit sketchy as smoke is constantly flying through the air and bottles of various alcoholic beverages are being passed out. We hear loud stereo systems from cars thumping in the background as a “Hood Rich!” chant bursts out. The sun is still shining, high above as we are in the middle of the afternoon in Compton, California. The ring is protected by yellow caution tape...it starts from the ramp, lining it all the way down to the ring, providing an aisle. It then widens out into a giant square, giving the ring space, as well as some room outside of the ring. Fans stand behind the caution tape, showing a bit of etiquette in not breaking it down. It might also have something to do with the armed police men who are ringside...there’s one approximately every ten feet~

Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Hood Rich!! We are, in fact, coming to you LIVE from the streets of Compton and while I’ve never seen a rowdier crowd...I must say, I’m a little anxious around so many...overzealous individuals.

~A gun shot is fired into the air as Smith nearly jumps out of his seat, Hood laughs~

Hood: Calm down, Smith...that didn’t sound very loud. If you did get hit, it would only be a flesh would...mayyybe a stitch or two, you’ll be fine.

Smith: Excuse me if I’m not used to gun shots being fired in my general vicinity. I mean, I did bunk with Alice Knight for a month or two, but at least that ghetto ended the minute I stepped out of our apartment.

Hood: Whatever that means...man, it feels great here. I swear, I don’t think I’ve ever attended a wrestling event where the competitors might actually get high while wrestling.

Smith: Yea, we may have to do something about all this funny smelling smoke...and look at all the buicks, i’ve never seen so many!

Hood: That’s a Buick?

Smith: Uhh, yes

Hood: Looks nothing like those commercials...these Buicks look like ass..aside from the rims, those are precise.

Smith: Indeed...folks, while ‘Dean’ and ‘Syren’ ran down the card for everyone, I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t give the card some proper build. We’ve got a tremendous lineup tonight, starting with the Oh Shit match as Noah Mackenzie and Tatum Coe get a second crack at earning the Oh Shit contract RM Strong walked away with last month.

Hood: Ugh, man, deja fucking vu here

Smith: Quiet! Then TLS defends against RM Strong in a match where, despite the outcome, he will drop his Ascension Title after Dean laid down the stipulation that if TLS successfully defends his belt this month, he must vacate it and move on.

Hood: Does that mean Vargas has to vacate his title if he loses too??

Smith: NO! Then we have Awe.Some defending against Tag Team legends, The Danger Boiz in a Hazardous Ladder Match...I’m really excited for this one.

Hood: I’m offended Lurrrauko didn’t get their rematch clause enacted.

Smith: That’s for champions in defeat, not challengers.

Hood: In my mind, Lurrrauko are constant champions

Smith: Then we have a match I’m really excited for...a triple threat submission match between Dangerous Dan, PerZag and Ricky Rhodes...so many dynamics in this one. Dangerous Dan is attempting to defend his title while PerZag and Rhodes are looking to get things on the right track here in 2015 OCW.

Hood: Should be Crazy..speaking of Crazy, where’s Chris?

Smith: The Oh Shit Match

Hood: Oh shit, nice

Smith: After that, the Wrestler of the Month for March, Supreme Machine defends his Savage Title against former OCW Champion Mack O’Connor. Mack, a wrestler who has yet to win...yet...he’s also yet to be pinned in 2015...hard luck, if you will.

Hood: Mack’s greatest weapons are his fists and, well, SuMa wears a giant mask, so that could give SuMa the edge...plus, SuMa is like eight feet tall and his body hasn’t been demolished by constant alcohol abuse.

Smith: While I don’t agree with 95% of what you just said, it is nice to hear you give a straight forward analysis.

Hood: I was just excited because I know what match we’re talking about next.

Smith: Indeed, Lurrr defends the Hall of Fame Title against Scott Syren in a match many are dubbing the “Mr. OCW” match.

Hood: Hard to argue...I certainly can’t think of any wrestler more fitting of that label than Lurrr or Syren. While others made a tremendous impact of their own...guys like Silverfreak, Scorpion and Andy Murray...it’s those two who have remained constant stars. Permanent fixtures, if you will.

Smith: Indeed...and, finally, the one we’ve all been waiting for...finally, these two get to settle things, one on one and, this time for the biggest prize of them all...the OCW Title. Chad Vargas defends against Bob Grenier.

Hood: There really isn’t much left to be said...these two hate each other...the rules are very few and far between in their match...it should be brutal, it should be intense and it should put a final lid on a rivalry that began nearly one year ago.

Smith: I can’t wait...folks, we’re about to begin, but, before we do, let’s head backstage

~We cut backstage where Lurrr is standing by with Who’Re. Next to Lurrr is Maurako. Mario has the Hall of Fame Title draped over his shoulder. Lurrr is wearing a shirtless, ‘OCW’ workout shirt with MMA gloves on, he appears ready for a fight. Flashing a cocky smile, looks down at Who’Re~

Lurrr: C’mon, whore, hit me

Who’Re: It’s Hough-Ray, okay?

~Lurrr takes his thumb and he wipes a bit of debris away from her right eye, the same eye the porn star was seen cleaning out earlier~

Lurrr: Sure it is

Who’Re: Ugh, whatever...anyway, big match tonight, Lurrr. Some people are calling this the biggest match in OCW history...I see you’re already prepared to face Syren physically, how about mentally?

~A sense of seriousness comes over Lurrr’s playful, arrogant demeanor~

Lurrr: Scott Syren. The name produces chills and goose bumps along the skin of every wrestling fan who hears it. A legend...hell, more than that, the mother fucker is a myth. Tonight, he returns with his sights set on my Hall of Fame Title.

~Lurrr slaps the plate of his belt as it resides on Maurako’s shoulder. Mario nods confidently~

Lurrr: Typically, I’d assure the Syren fans to put the champagne on ice in preparation for a celebration because, well, we all know what it means when Syren returns. It’s a red carpet being rolled out by Dean. It’s Dean showcasing his favorite wrestler of all time at someone else’s expense. People, for years, have obsessed that Dean and I were secretly aligned, helping each other keep everyone else in OCW down. Well, they were wrong. Syren is the one that’s always been aligned with Dean. Those two, since Syren first started drawing in OCW, have been up each other’s asses every step of the way...but tonight, that ends.

~Lurrr pauses for a moment, before continuing~

Lurrr: There’s a reason Syren and I have never faced off. It’s because Syren hand picks who he wants to face. It why his records and stats are so padded, he gets to come in and defeat the wrestler of his choosing. Which is why we’ve never faced...he’s had the opportunity yet never pulled the trigger because he fears me, he knows his mystique, his aura, his claim to the title ‘Mr. OCW’ would forever fall away if he dared step foot inside the ring against the true Mr. OCW, Lurrr.

~Lurrr quietly stretches his arms out before tossing his head back and forth, cracking his neck. He continues~

Lurrr: So, what does he do when faced with no other option? He begs Dean to make this a Weight Room match, his specialty. The match that made Scott Syren famous. Well, that’s fine. I’ve been DYING to get this bitch in a ring, in the arena, hell, anywhere with a referee and an audience. When I carried OCW from ashes to prominence, he was selling french fries at a McDonald’s in Michigan or some piece of shit state up north. Then the guy just waltzes in and cashes in on my hard work? Not only that, he has the AUDACITY to claim that HE is the architect of what OCW is today? Fuck that shit.

~Lurrr grabs his OCW Hall of Fame Title and he holds it up into the camera’s lens~

Lurrr: Syren, for too long you’ve been dodging me and living atop a pristine reputation built upon smoke and mirrors. Tonight it’s put up or shut up, tonight you meet the true creator of OCW. When Hood Rich has come to an end, there will be two undeniable truths. The first, that I will be the OCW Hall of Fame Champion. The second? That I am Mr. OCW.

~Lurrr turns and walks away with Maurako following close behind~

Who’Re: It appears Lurrr is as focused as we’ve ever seen him. Smith, back to you.

~We cut back to Smith and Hood~

Smith: Strong words from Lurrr

Hood: Yep, this won’t be The Big Bifford or D Double D...this match is what we’ve been hoping for since the Hall of Fame title was created. This match is what wrestling fans dream of, Smith...

Smith: Truly a combination of athleticism, intrigue and spectacle. Lurrr against Scott Syren...I can’t wait.

Hood: Me either, which is why I’m going to take a few Tylenol PMs, sleep right through all this other shit...then, you can wake me when that one is about to start.

~Smith slaps the PMs out of Hood’s hand. A few Compton residents quickly grab them and start selling them to other members in the crowd~

Hood: DUDE

Smith: I’m not calling this by myself...you’re just going to have to wait...anyway, folks, this might be the largest crowd in OCW history...

Hood: Dean certainly went the extra mile to fill these streets up...check this shit out

~We cut to earlier in the afternoon as several large busses are seen dropping people off and handing them cases of beer, bottles of liquor and cartons of cigarettes~

Smith: I’m not going to openly admit that Dean bribed these people with narcotics and controlled substances to get them here, but...

Hood: Dean bribed these people with narcotics and controlled substances to get them here.

Smith: Right...but it certainly makes for a loud, rowdy and interesting crowd

Hood: You’re not kidding, I think I just saw someone get Served a few feet away

Smith: Haha, terrific! Well, Hood...let’s get this started, what do you say?

Hood: Right on, Smithson!

Smith: First up...it’s RM Strong and The Lost Soul....let’s head on down to ringside!

OCW Ascension Championship
Boxes, Ladder and Cage Match
The Lost Soul (15 pts) vs. R.M. Strong (5 pts)

~We turn our attention to the ringside area as a few hoodlums have climbed under the crime scene tape and are trying to climb the cage. Police officers rush over to them, pulling them off of the cage as Belvedere, a true pro, ignores them~

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for the Ascension Championship Match will be conducted in a Boxes, Ladder and Cage Match!! Introducing first...

~”Mama Said Knock You Out” by Five Finger Death Punch plays throughout the crowd as the boo the metal music, not really fans of that genre. RM Strong steps out from behind the curtain as a few items are hurled in his direction. He dodges them and briskly walks to the ring, with a look of focus. He enters the cage through the door and slides into the ring, popping up to his feet with his arms raised in the air~

Belvedere: From Northside Chicago, Illinois...standing 6’4 and weighing in at 264 lbs...he is officially cashing in his Oh Shit Contract for this Ascension Title Shot...introducing R..M..STRONG!!!

~The fans give a nice ovation as Strong’s music stops and the Friday the 13th Theme begins to creepily play throughout the streets of Compton. A few “aww shit!” outbursts are heard as this crowd seems to dig Jason Voorhees. TLS, the Ascension Champion, emerges from behind the curtain in his normal gear and face paint. He enters the cage, slowly climbs the steps and enters through the ropes~

Belvedere: And his opponent, from Parts Unknown, standing 6’3 and weighing in at 235lbs...he is the OCW Ascension Champion...he is...THE LOST SOUL!!

~Belvedere exits the ring. Gruff, OCW’s african american referee, slams the cage door shut, locking it tight. A few Compton crowd members yell out “You da man, Gruff” and “Pad lock that bitch, dawg!” Gruff turns around with a nod in their direction~

Smith: Gruff seems to be quite popular in this setting

Hood: I’m going to guess it’s due to his no nonsense approach.

Smith: Yea, that could be it, or it could be due to the fact...

Hood: Why’d you stop?

Smith: Someone in the back told me not to go there.

Hood: This place is turning into one giant, gaping vag

~The bell sounds as the crowd hollers and whoops, getting really excited. Several ‘TLS’ chants break out as this crowd is extremely vocal in who they are pulling for. TLS just stands in his corner, staring at Strong who looks around at the fans, angry at their chose favorite. Above them hangs four boxes~

Smith: Alright, those four boxes are filled with items. Two have weapons, one has an explosive and the final box has the Title Belt. To win the match, you must escape the cage with the title.

Hood: Don’t forget the ladder!

Smith: Calm down, yes, there’s a ladder in that cage. I mean, seriously OCW...can’t we just have a singles match?

Hood: That’s what Massacre is for

~Strong turns around and he flicks the crowd off. A giant bottle is hurled at the cage, shattering against the metal makeup. The liquid inside splatters all over Strong’s face, he slowly removes a cigarette butt from his hair. Before he can retaliate, verbally, TLS runs up from behind and starts kneeing Strong in the kidneys. Strong staggers into the ropes, leaning sideways, favoring the vital organs. TLS quickly locks Strong around the waist, lifts him up and drops him to the mat with a Gut Wrench Suplex as Strong rolls around, grimacing in pain. The crowd cheers and goes back to chanting for TLS~

Smith: RM Strong got distracted and TLS took advantage...when are people going to learn you don’t underestimate The Lost Soul.

Hood: That’s been the story of that guy’s fucking career...people not getting what he’s about, meanwhile, all he does is win titles.

Smith: He’s an enigma, for sure

~TLS methodically heads for the ladder with Strong lying on his back, looking up at the lights. TLS reaches through the ropes and lifts the ladder up, which had been lying on the mat, outside of the ropes, leaning against the cage. He stands it up and drags it over the top rope, towards Strong. TLS stands over Strong and positions the ladder upside down, looking to jam the top into the gut of Strong. As he does, Strong reaches up and clutches the top of the ladder, fighting against TLS. TLS leans forward for more leverage, as he does, Strong does a jabbing motion with both hands, smacking TLS in the face with the ladder!! TLS loses his grip and staggers into the ropes, leaning against them. Strong rolls over with the ladder and reaches one knee, breathing heavily he glares at TLS before sprinting forward and SLAMMING the top of the ladder into the stomach of TLS! TLS falls through the ropes, slams into the side of the cage and falls onto the apron, wedged between the ropes and the cage~

Smith: Maybe this is RM Strong fighting out of his recent depression

Hood: Or...OR

Smith: Or?

Hood: It’s the state abbreviation for Oregon

Smith: You’re retarded

~With TLS lying in between the ropes and the cage, Strong positions the ladder underneath the boxes. He glares up at them with HUNGRY EYES...he begins to climb...as he reaches the top, he loses his balance and falls into the middle of the ring. TLS pulls himself up and heads for the ladder with Strong holding his left knee in pain. He ascends the ladder, reaches up and punches open a box...IT EXPLODES! TLS shoots backwards, slamming his back into the cage and oozing down to the mat, in between the bottom rope and the cage as the bloodthirsty fans of Compton cheer~

Smith: Well, that was an explosive situation

Hood: RM Strong is a fucking moron...he just lost his balance.

Smith: Maybe the sun got in his eyes...we are on the west coast, sun shining high and all

Hood: Well, he should have worn shades...it might have hidden his depressed eyes.

Smith: Good point...someone should subscribe that man some Prozac

~Strong kicks his knee back into joint and rolls over onto all fours. He crawls for the ladder and begins climbing as TLS remains motionless. Strong reaches the top of the ladder and he opens a box...inside he finds a TASER! Strong holds it up as many Comptonites in the crowd cower with fear~

Smith: I assume a fair amount of observers have experienced a tasing

Hood: Beats the alternative

Smith: You just said beats in reference to a comment about cops and criminals.

Hood: I would’ve clarified that comment was an unintentional pun...however, I was referencing a different kind of force. Like, I guess a TRUE pun would have been ‘blows away’ the alternative.

Smith: Yikes

~Strong descends from the ladder with the taser in his hand, glaring at TLS. He yanks TLS to his feet and headbutts him. The ropes stretch in between the two competitors as TLS teeters against the cage. Strong then grabs the cage with his free hand and lights up the taser, moving to jam it into the throat of TLS. TLS ducks as Strong shocks the cage and, as a result, tases himself due to the electric current running through the metal structure! Strong’s body shakes violently before falling back, limply onto the mat. A few of the Comptonites begin to chant “Dumbass!” at Strong~

Smith: He’s not a dumbass, he’s just horribly depressed!

Hood: Dude, he opened a box, found the taser and then QUIT OPENING BOXES...he’s a major fucking dumbass.

Smith: Okay, ya got me there

~TLS rolls away from the cage, narrowly avoiding the electric current. He makes it to his feet and heads for the ladder. TLS begins to climb the ladder with Strong groaning and rolling over onto his back. Strong tilts his head to the side as he observes TLS making the climb. TLS reaches a box and he opens it up...it’s empty. His brow furrows...he turns and looks down at Scruff...suddenly an OCW attendant rushes up and whispers something to Scruff from the outside...Scruff then turns around and yells up at TLS “The box is the weapon!” TLS kind of rolls his eyes as he violently shoves the box away...it swings back at him, he dodges it before catching it on the backswing, returning it to a still, hanging position~

Smith: Interesting twist by President Dean

Hood: More like the mother fucker didn’t want to spring for another weapon...I mean, seriously...the BOX is a weapon? I mean, in that case, there are four fucking weapons hanging from the strings. And what the fuck are they hanging from, anyway...it’s just clear sky above the ring.

Smith: There’s a tiny, pretty much invisible fishing line stretching from each of the four sides...that’s what they are hanging from...REALLY hard to see them

Hood: That’s a relief...for a minute I thought some kind of hellish magic was on display

Smith: This is Compton, not New Orleans

~TLS, displaying a terrific memory, goes after the one box that has yet to be open...inside he finds his coveted Ascension Title. He yanks it out from the box and clutches it...as soon as he does, his body shakes as he falls from the ladder!! Below, Strong is using the taser into the ladder, shocking TLS from the structure. TLS hits hard with the title landing a few feet away from him. Strong rolls over and does a push up while eyeing the gold~

Smith: I’ve never seen a more complicated relationship than RM Strong and his Taser.

Hood: Sounds like a late night sitcom

Smith: I guess depression brings about many forms of comedy

Hood: Often tragic...but, shit, anything tragic with RM Strong is pretty hilarious

~Strong crawls for the belt, obtaining it. He holds onto it for a moment like a depressed weirdo. He then gets to his feet and heads for the ladder. TLS gets to his...Strong turns around and looks nervous as he begins to climb the ladder. TLS heads for the other side, crawling opposite of Strong~

Smith: Interesting strategy by RM Strong

Hood: What the fuck is he doing...climbing to some kind of mythical zip line?

Smith: Well, there are fishing wires up there...remember

Hood: I don’t see any lines, man

Smith: Okay, Thomas

Hood: Are you doubting me?

Smith: No, you’re doubting me...Thomas

Hood: I’m so confused

~Both men reach the top as RM Strong tries to nail TLS with the belt...he hits sort of a glancing blow as TLS leans back. Strong goes for another one, but TLS ducks. Strong leans forward, nearly falling off the ladder. TLS grabs two boxes, hanging nearby...one in each hand. Strong get upright and TLS shatters both boxes into each side of Strong’s head!! Strong collapses to the mat and is out, cold. The fans cheer as they seem to dig TLS~

Smith: And Compton has officially chosen a favorite.

Hood: Yea, they don’t like fools and it’s obvious that TLS isn’t clowning around.

Smith: Man, you’re just full of puns today, aren’t you?

Hood: It’s a Depressing RM Strong match...I’m doing my best here.

Smith: Gotcha

~TLS climbs down and grabs his title. He looks down at Strong who rolls over and grabs at the ankles of TLS. He begins to beg TLS for mercy. TLS lifts his leg up and curb stomps Strong’s face into the mat!! A puddle of blood begins to ooze from underneath the face of Strong as he goes limp. TLS drags the belt alongside as he heads for the door...he kicks it open and exits, with a bit of disdain on his face. He steps down the stairs and hits the floor as the bell sounds~

Belvedere: Here is your winner...AND STILL OCW ASCENSION CHAMPION...THE LOST SOUL!!!!!

Smith: Domination by The Lost Soul...and, despite the convincing victory he seems...well, unhappy

Hood: Because he’s a competitor...a competitor who wanted Survivor RM Strong...not Depressed, Pussified, Lazy, Piece of Shit, Lying, No Good Son of a Bitch, Wasting All of Our Fucking Time RM Strong.

Smith: Wow...tell us how you REALLY feel

Hood: You want me to keep going because, trust me, I have plenty more

Smith: No, that’s quite alright. The interesting development here, however, is that TLS must now forfeit the belt as he’s won three straight Ascension Title Matches.

Hood: That is interesting...I’m assuming he’ll move up the card for April.

Smith: Indeed...probably into the Paradigm or Savage Title Situation

Hood: Maybe...but Dean’s just wild enough to give the guy an OCW Title Shot

Smith: If that is the case...you can’t say he hasn’t earned it.

Hood: Nope, aside from Vargas, Awe.Some and SuMa...nobody has been more impressive than The Lost Soul.

Hood: Indeed...well, folks, let’s head backstage.

~We cut backstage where Dean is fondling a piece of fabric in his hands. Suddenly, Lurrr and Maurako burst in with Maurako holding Lurrr’s HOF Title. Dean quickly hides the fabric, standing upright. Lurrr has a curious look on his face~

Lurrr: What were you doing?

President Dean: Uhm, nothing...sucka.

Lurrr: Don’t sucka me...you were clearly fondling something.

President Dean: Uhh...err...nevermind what you THINK you saw, sucka...you can’t just barge into my office without an appointment.

Lurrr: Fine, whatever...I don’t really care if you were fondling anything or not. The reason for my intrusion extends far beyond any intense fondling.

~Lurrr nods at Mario who extends a sheet of paper. Maurako steps forward and slams it onto Dean’s desk. Dean lifts it up and reads what’s written...it doesn’t take long as the message is short and direct~

President Dean: No.

Lurrr: No? Just who in the hell do you think you’re refusing here? I’m not some bitch like Mack O’Connor or Ricky Rhodes...you can’t keep me down forever, Dean.

President Dean: I’ve already got someone penciled into that spot.

Lurrr: Is it signed and notarized...is it official?

President Dean: No because it was contingent on this person winning...

Lurrr: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? The Lost Soul? You are planning on giving him THAT spot?

President Dean: Yep.

Lurrr: Unbelievable...this fucking guy is unbelievable, isn’t he?

~Lurrr looks at Mario who nods in accordance. Lurrr then steps forward and sticks his finger into Dean’s face~

Lurrr: Now you listen to me you son of a bitch, I’m every bit as responsible for this place as you are. I’ve played your little game since we reopened, I’ve built up your Hall of Fame division as high as I possibly can...it’s not my fault all of the Hall of Famers you’ve stacked up against me suck ass.

~Dean, maintaining his composure, steps back, creating distance between his face and Lurrr’s finger. Lurrr drops his hand to his side, but maintains an aggressive stance~

President Dean: True, Bifford and D Double D both fell short of what I had hoped...however, you still have to win tonight and, I hate to break the news to you, Lurrr...but you’ve never...NEVER beat anyone the caliber of Scott Syren. You may be good...hell, you may be great...but Syren is simply on another level.

~Lurrr starts to laugh as he looks over at Maurako. Maurako cracks the knuckles on his right hand while tightening the grip of the HOF Title with his left. Lurrr pats him on t he chest~

Lurrr: Easy big fella...we’re not going to cripple our esteemed President...at least, not yet. So, you seriously think Syren is that much better than me?

President Dean: Did I stutter?

Lurrr: Not that I could detect...either way, message received. So here’s one of my own...I’m not about to step into a situation I cannot win. Not unless you promise me something...if...IF I defeat your golden boy, Scott Syren...I want an OCW Title Shot next month.

President Dean: Keep dreaming, sucka

Lurrr: If you don’t grant me that stipulation, then I’m no showing the match, forfeiting the title and retiring from OCW forever...after all, I can’t compete in something knowing I’ll never be the best.

President Dean: You are contractually obligated...

Lurrr: Don’t throw that tripe bullshit at me...worst you can do is sue me and there isn’t a lawsuit you could throw at my happy ass I wouldn’t gladly cover. Stop being a pussy...you’ve got nothing to lose. You said it yourself...I can’t win. So toss this arbitrarily meaningless stipulation on top and I’ll show up and job to your boy...like I said...a win-win for you, a win-win for Syren and a win-win for OCW.

President Dean: ...fine...

Lurrr: What was that?

President Dean: I SAID FINE

Lurrr: Whoa, easy big guy...don’t wanna give yourself a heart attack. You be sure and get that paperwork over to me before the match...I wouldn’t want to show up without receiving my demands, after all. In fact...Mario, you hang around and make sure Dean follows up on our arrangement.

~Mario nods as Dean folds his arms, shaking his head. Lurrr exits, whistling as we head back to the announce team~

Smith: Wow!! What an announcement!

Hood: I guess...I mean it’s like betting against the shark in Jaws...you’re not going to win.

Smith: Perhaps...but anyone who’s followed Lurrr’s career knows that just about the time you think he’s finished, the guy comes up with the biggest win of his career and, make no mistake about it...this is the biggest fight in Lurrr’s career.

Hood: Kinda sucks for The Lost Soul...assuming that was his spot.

Smith: If that assumption is correct...he’s still got a shot...I mean, I don’t think Syren has been defeated in over ten years.

Hood: Kinda crazy when you think about it...fuck, I’m ready for that match, quit getting my dick all hard and veined out over here.

Smith: Eww...on that note...I think it’s time for some Oh Shit action.

Hood: Hells to the yes...I just hope the winner isn’t RM Strong

Smith: That’s kind of an impossible scenario. Folks, before we get to the match...I’ve got some sad footage we must air...

~We cut to footage which reads “sometime during March, 2015”. We see Brandon Gateman, Barbarian, Mark Storm and Ashe Dawson all boarding a plane for Hood Rich. They are enjoying some witty banter~

Brandon Gateman: Yea man, I totes dug that latest episode of The Desperate Housewives of Random City. Bitch was all like “Bitch!” and the other bitch was all like “Bitch, Bitch”...fucking epic.

Mark Storm: I’m Mark Storm and I like cookies

Barbaric: BLAH

Ashe Dawson: My tattoos itch

Voice: Now boarding!

Brandon Gateman: Oh, that’s us...we need to get there early and train for our Oh Shit Match

~The foursome board a plane as we cut back to Smith and Hood~

Hood: Holy Shit...don’t tell me the plane went down

Smith: No, nothing that tragic

Hood: They boarded the wrong flight?

Smith: Nope

Hood: So...what?

Smith: They wound up trying to join the mile high club with one another and got arrested by an air marshal and were then transported to a jail somewhere in...parts unknown.

Hood: Whoa

Smith: Whoa indeed...so, they will not be participating in tonight’s match and neither will Ryu Umare.

Hood: What’s wrong with him?

Smith: A startling admission...take a look

~We cut to a dark room where Ryu Umare is seated under some hot interrogation lights~

Voice: Kinda hot under these lights...eh? Makes a person want to take off their mask, doesn’t it?

Ryu Umare: I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE

~Umare removes the mask revealing himself to be DANNY B~

President Dean: I KNEW IT

Danny B: I’m sorry Dean...I just...have really been into masks lately...and asian names with hispanic backgrounds...or whatever.

President Dean: Damnit, B...all you had to do was be upfront with me...like Pryde a year ago. That’s all you had to do...but this...I could see Bishop doing some weird, dumb shit like this...but not you, a fellow fed owner and all. You broke the code sucka...and, for that...you will receive three punishments.

Danny B: Oh no...please, nothing too harsh.

President Dean: First, you will be removed from the Oh Shit Match

Danny B: *light sob*

President Dean: Second...

~Dean slaps Danny on the hand with a ruler~

Danny B: OW!

President Dean: Damn straight, ow. And now...third...you are officially REMOVED from the Hall of Fame...

Danny B: WHAT? But, Dean...I voted myself in and everything when I was running OCW...you can’t remove me...my induction was kinda, sorta legit

President Dean: Blah, go back to England ya fucking wanker.

~Danny tries to get up and fight but he is tased back into his chair by some OCW security~

President Dean: Nice job...and I dig that weapon, put that in the TLS/Strong match...maybe it will zap Strong out of his depression.

OCW Security: Umm...

President Dean: WHAT?

OCW Security: That match, like, just happened.

President Dean: Really?

OCW Security: Yep

President Dean: Well, go zap RM Strong with it anyway

~The Security personnel nods and heads off to make RM Strong’s night even worse. We cut back to ringside~

Smith: And there goes a Hall of Famer

Hood: And, yet, nothing of importance was lost

Smith: True, hard to argue that point...but...I guess, now that we’ve gotten all of THOSE issues out of the way....let’s

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our special guest ring announcer...BILL COSBY

~The Compton Crowd erupts as Cosby walks down, hurling free Jell-O into the crowd. He steps into the ring and smiles~

Smith: Wow! What a surprise!

Hood: And, I hear he ONLY sexually assaulted three women on the way to the event

Smith: Rehab appears to be working

Bill Cosby: This is the Oh Shit Match where the winner will receive a contract to face any champion at next month’s event. Introducing the participants...Angelle Laree, Crazy Chris, Mason Dixon, Mike Williams, Noah Mackenzie and Tatum Coe!

~All of the participants come down, one at a time before the ring is filled with their presence. Cosby exits, giving Laree a high five. Laree seems confused by this, but doesn’t allow it to steal her focus away~

Smith: Alright folks, since Cosby did a terrible job as a ring announcer, I’ll quickly explain the rules. The contract sits atop a scaffold...the object is to retrieve it. If you go OVER the top rope, you are eliminated.

Hood: Sweet...I’m pulling for Mike Williams...he’s completely badass.

Smith: He is interesting...but I think Crazy Chris is the obvious favorite...outside of him, my darkhorse would be Mason Dixon.

Hood: No love for Coe or Noah?

Smith: Just haven’t seen much from either, yet

Hood: Can’t argue that.

Oh Shit Invitational
Crazy 8 Battle Royal
Angelle Laree (1 pt) vs. Crazy Chris (0 pts) vs. Mason Dixon (1 pt) vs. Mike Williams (0 pts) vs. Noah Mackenzie (1 pt) vs. Tatum Coe (2 pts)

~The bell sounds as the action inside the ring begins. Williams goes after Laree as Coe is isolated with Noah, leaving Mason and Chris to lock up. Mason bullies Chris into a corner and lifts a knee into the gut of Chris. Chris doubles over as Mason drills him into the side of the head, sending Chris halfway out of the ring, between the middle and top rope. Dixon grabs hold of the legs of Chris, he flips him over and catapults him, resulting in the throat of Chris slamming into the top rope!! Chris falls into the ring, holding his throat in pain~

Smith: Quick start to this one with Mason going after the pre-match favorite early on.

Hood: Yea, weaken Crazy Chris and Mason might be able to steal this thing

Smith: Indeed

~Williams is slamming Laree’s head into the top turnbuckle as her legs begin to weaken. He notices her base giving way and lifts up, placing her midsection across the top rope. He tries to leverage her over the top rope, to the outside, but she quickly jams a thumb into his eye!! Williams staggers back as Laree pulls herself over the top rope and onto the apron...she then leaps onto the top turnbuckle and jumps off, drilling Williams with a Missile Drop Kick~

Smith: Ill advised and kind of dangerous

Hood: Typical woman...acting before thinking

Smith: That’s fairly sexist

Hood: It only offends them because it’s true

~Noah is burying shoulders into Coe’s gut as he’s wedged into a corner. Noah goes for another shoulder...but Coe lifts his knee and rams it into Noah’s face! Coe quickly reverses the situation, slamming Noah into the corner. He then drills downward elbow strikes into the face of Noah, leaving Noah hanging in the corner with his arms draped over the top ropes. Coe grabs Noah by the chin and shoves his head back...he then spits in his free hand and attempts to wipe Noah’s face paint off, disgusted by his appearance~

Smith: The arrogant Tatum Coe does not approve of Noah Mackenzie’s “look”.

Hood: Would you? I mean, let’s pretend for a moment you’re straight and actually married...would you approve of that look if that’s how your kid wanted to dress?

Smith: I allow my children to express themselves in whatever way makes the comfortable with who they are.

Hood: That’s how people become criminals, Smith...or, should I say, audience members at Hood Rich

~Noah, tired of being disrespected, lunges forward and headbutts Coe! Coe staggers back into the arms of Dixon who hooks him into a Full Nelson and drills him into the mat with a Full Nelson Slam! Before he can celebrate, Noah charges in and drops Dixon to the mat with a lariat!! He then looks over and spots Laree as they are the only two standing at the moment~

Smith: Our first stare down...Angelle Laree and Noah Mackenzie

Hood: Do you think Noah is mesmerized by her beauty?

Smith: Well, she did get new glasses, apparently

Hood: Librarian glasses are so hot on bitches

~Noah charges at Laree who ducks a lariat...Noah turns around and is drilled with a superkick!! He staggers against the ropes as Laree charges in with a clothesline. Noah ducks and lifts Laree over the top rope! She lands onto the apron and kicks Noah in the back of the knee...he falls to a kneeling position as Laree hops over the top rope and drops a leg over the back of Noah’s head, drilling his face into the mat~

Smith: Angelle Laree is on fire early on! A renewed energy!

Hood: She can see, Smith! She can finally see...that new prescription has taken her to the next level.

Smith: Maybe...but it might have more to do with a renewed focus

Hood: Nope, it’s all about the glasses...or, in this case, contacts...cause wearing glasses in a match would be RM Strong stupid.

Smith: Indeed

~Laree plays to the crowd as they give her a nice show of affection after his offensive display. Suddenly, Coe emerges behind Laree as she’s standing ominously close to the ropes. Coe rushes in as the crowd yells at Laree...she turns and ducks, lifting Coe high into the air and to the floor on the outside, eliminating him!! The crowd cheers loudly as Coe sits up and stares into the ring with a look of shock on his face~

Smith: Tatum Coe is gone!

Hood: Guy just can’t get his shit together

Smith: Nope and eliminated by Angelle Laree...that makes 2 out of his 3 losses coming at the hands of a female...I’m not saying they can’t compete, I’m just saying he won’t like that.

Hood: What a fucking loser

~Williams emerges and begins to trade punches with a readied Laree. Coe, still on the outside, gets to his feet and he shoves some refs away who are trying to coerce him away from ringside. He reaches under the ring and pulls a ladder out. Laree is close to the ropes as Coe lifts the ladder up and he slams the top of the ladder into Laree’s head!! Laree is stunned against the ropes as Williams lunges forward, clotheslining Laree over the top rope and to the outside. Williams then grabs the ladder and pulls it inside the ring. Outside, Coe starts to stomp on Laree as the fans boo his actions~

Smith: Very unsportsmanlike

Hood: Cause he’s a heeeeel, bro

Smith: Evidently so

~Williams notices Dixon, Chris and Noah are all down...he walks around and bashes them each with the ladder, once. Assured that they won’t be getting up anytime soon, Williams places the ladder under the scaffolding as he stares up at his desired location, placing a foot on the bottom rung~

Smith: If Mike Williams obtains that contract and returns to the ring, it’s over

Hood: Shit, you’re right...I got caught up in all the battle royal hoopla

Smith: It happens

~Williams reaches the middle portion of the ladder as the fans begin to cheer, finding Williams likeable in a Compton sort of way. He nears the top with his finger tips grazing the edge of the scaffold. Suddenly, a reaction emerges as all the fans turn towards the ramp~

Smith: Huh?

Hood: It’s Bob Grenier! He’s forgoing his OCW Title shot as a surprise entrant into the Oh Shit Invitational!

Smith: Umm, I doubt that...you might be placing the cart well in front of the horse, Hood

Hood: What about the mule?

Smith: What?

Hood: Cart in front of the MULE

Smith: That’s not how the saying goes

Hood: Fucking mule gets shunned again

~Grenier slides into the ring as Williams is about to reach for the contract. Williams looks down with a ‘wtf’ look as Grenier flips him off and shoves the ladder!! Williams falls off the top of the ladder and lands over the caution tape, into the crowd of comptonites!! They part, showing they aren’t much for crowd surfing, allowing Williams to land roughly onto jagged concrete, rocks and littered debris. Grenier smiles as he turns around and exits the ring, heading back toward the ramp. We see, ahead of him, Coe being escorted out with Laree being helped to the back~

Smith: I’ve been told that counts and Mike Williams is eliminated

Hood: That fucking sucks

Smith: It’s unfortunate, true...but turnabout is fair play, Hood

Hood: Whatever the fuck that means...but I do think this is payback for what he did to Grenier at Massacre.

Smith: Spot on as always, Hood

~The ladder is leaning up against the top rope with medics helping Williams to his feet before escorting him to the back. Chris is the first to his feet, holding his lower back in pain from the ladder shot. He spots the climbing apparatus and moves towards it. Noah suddenly kips up with Chris’ back turned toward him. He takes advantage, grabbing Chris and drilling him with a Backstabber! Chris bounces into the air before landing on his front side and going limp. Mason reaches his feet, rotating his neck as Williams had jammed the ladder into his neck/head region. He notices Noah going for the ladder and charges in...Noah turns around with the ladder in his hands...Dixon leaps into the air and dropkicks the ladder into Noah’s face!! Noah teeters over the top rope, dropping the ladder to the mat. Mason returns to his feet and charges at Noah, who is leaning against the ropes...he jumps over the ladder...as he does, Noah leaps into the air and he SPEARS Mason into the mat!! Mason rolls around holding his gut in pain as Noah sits up, checking his nose from the impact it felt via the ladder a few moments earlier~

Smith: Great action there...Noah comes out on top despite nearly going over the top rope.

Hood: Mason Dixon surprised everyone at Massacre by winning...or, well, kind of winning a match...I thought the fucker had gone the way of El Presidente

Smith: Which is?

Hood: Californieways

Smith: Huh?

Hood: I know it doesn’t make sense...just always wanted to fit that into a line of commentary

Smith: You are so stupid

~Noah returns to his feet and he grabs the ladder, positioning it under the Scaffold. Chris stirs, pushing up to a kneeling position. Noah, about to climb the ladder, notices Chris returning to his feet. He realizes he won’t make it if he starts to climb, so he heads over to inflict more punishment on Chris. Noah grabs Chris by the top of his mask and jars him into the corner...Chris hits hard. Noah throws a roundhouse kick at the head of Chris...Chris ducks and Noah’s leg gets hung up in the top rope! Chris, on one knee, grabs both of Noah’s legs, as they are split apart, lifts him up and he powerbombs Noah into the mat!! Noah lands hard and holds the back of his head in pain~

Smith: Tremendous ring awareness by Crazy Chris..he’s a veteran and it certainly showed there.

Hood: So is Noah Mackenzie...the guy did wrestle last year, after all

Smith: One year makes you a veteran?

Hood: In our world, absolutely

~Chris turns to the ladder and begins to make the climb. The crowd gives him a mixed reaction as Compton is a strange group. He reaches the middle of the rungs as Dixon gets to his feet...he turns and spots Chris halfway up and rushes over...he hooks Chris for a powerbomb, yanking him off the ladder...he goes to powerbomb Chris into the corner, but Chris turns it into a Huricanrana sending Dixon crashing into the turnbuckles!! Dixon is hung up in the corners with his legs stuck atop the top rope and his arms wrapped around the bottom ropes. Chris folds up the ladder and looks at Dixon, eyeing punishment over potential victory~

Smith: And now Chris is about to get CRAZY

Hood: Geezus

Smith: Hey, I had to

Hood: No Smith, no you did not

~Chris carries the ladder toward the corner and he lifts it up with the top pointed down..he slams it into the face of Dixon!! Dixon remains tied up...Chris does it again as Dixon is jarred free, landing face first onto the mat. Chris turns around and, as he does, Noah grabs the bottom of the ladder and jams the top into the face of Chris! Chris releases the ladder as Noah rushes into the ropes, holding the ladder and leaps into the air, slamming the top of the ladder into the masked head of Chris!! He goes over the top rope and lands on the apron, grasping onto the bottom rope. Noah, about to try and force Chris off the apron, to the floor, notices Chris isn’t moving much...so he decides to turn his attention back toward the Scaffolding~

Smith: Vicious assault by the ladder...first on Dixon...then on Chris.

Hood: If you don’t like it, you shouldn’t be here

Smith: I didn’t say I wasn’t a fan...I mean, ideally I prefer a submission Iron Man match...but this isn’t terrible...like that horrendous Danny B/Vargas match last month.

Hood: We differ on so many view points

~Noah starts to climb the ladder, quickly reaching the midpoint. Chris rolls into the ring and sits up, against the bottom rope. Dixon stirs, as well, leaning in the corner...both are near one another. Noah reaches the top of the ladder and he reaches up, grabbing the side of the scaffolding. Chris pulls up on the middle rope and yanks his body into a standing position. He rushes over and pulls the ladder out from under Noah, leaving him hanging. Chris begins to use the ladder to try and knock Noah off...meanwhile, Noah tries to pull up onto the Scaffold. Chris gets a good shot with the top of the ladder into Noah’s groin. Noah lets go with one hand, hanging tenuously. Mason gets to his feet as Noah finally releases, falling down...before he hits the mat, Dixon drills him with a huge uppercut!! Noah’s body staggers back through the ropes and to the outside, where he lands roughly and appears to be knocked out~

Smith: I think we can all count Noah Mackenzie out.

Hood: No shit, he just got eliminated.

Smith: Um, no ,he has to go OVER the top rope..not between the top and middle ropes...technically, he’s still active.

Hood: So fucking confusing

~Chris throws the ladder at Dixon...Dixon catches it...Chris jumps up for a dropkick, Dixon ducks, holding the ladder. Chris lands on all fours quickly springing back to his feet. He turns around and is drilled in the side of the face with the ladder!! Chris stumbles into the corner, leaning sideways. Dixon quickly places the ladder down as he glances up at the Scaffold~

Smith: Mason Dixon is staring up at the biggest moment of his career...all that lies between him and superstardom is air and opportunity.

Hood: Along with a Scaffold and Ladder...let’s not forget those two very important components.

Smith: Way to ruin a good quote

Smith: Dixon begins the climb, moving quickly knowing how these kinds of situations typically go. He reaches the top of the ladder and grasps onto the Scaffold. Chris rises up, out of the corner and stumbles for the ladder...he looks up at Mason has pulled himself onto the Scaffold! Chris shakes his head, regaining focus...he quickly scales the ladder and reaches up, grabbing onto the side. Atop the Scaffold it takes Mason a minute to locate the contract, which is lying in the middle. He bends over and grabs it...as he does, Chris pulls himself onto the Scaffold. Mason turns around, expecting an easy exit...as he turns around, Chris drills him in the face with a superkick!! Mason falls to the Scaffold, dropping the contract~

Smith: They have taken the match to the Scaffold!

Hood: I swear, awareness in these kinds of matches always seems dumbed down...I mean how did Mason not think Chris might be behind him.

Smith: I don’t know, fatigue...several shots to the head...walk a mile in a man’s wrestling boots before you try and determine why they do the things they do.

Hood: Fuck off

~Chris stumbles over and bends down, obtaining the contract. Dixon kicks his legs around and he takes the legs out from under Chris!! Chris falls onto the Scaffold, dropping the contract...both competitors are on their backs, breathing heavily. Noah slides into the ring, holding the back of his head in pain. He looks around for a moment, confused~

Smith: Noah’s been knocked out for the past five or ten minutes...he has no idea they are on the Scaffold.

Hood: Perhaps the giant ladder in the ring should maybe give him a clue...I mean, he doesn’t have to be fucking Sherlock Holmes to solve this case.

Smith: Again, head trauma

Hood: Excuses

~The fans yell and point at the Scaffold...Noah looks up and then heads for the ladder. On top of the Scaffold Chris and Mason have reached their feet and begin exchanging punches. It’s a stalemate until Mason nails a really hard right hand, proving to be a superior brawler. Chris staggers as Mason nails another right hand followed by another. He then turns around, performing a full 360 twirl before going for a Tornado Punch...Chris dodges it and uses Mason’s momentum to throw him off the Scaffold to the ring!! Mason lands hard, right at Noah’s feet!! Noah looks down, with one foot on the bottom rung...he removes the foot...grabs Mason and hurls him over the top rope, eliminating him~

Smith: Mason Dixon may need some medical attention

Hood: Yea, but strong showing for the blonde guy who looks like he’s straight from the 1970s

Smith: Nothing wrong with that era

Hood: I call it the Bush era

Smith: I believe Nixon, Ford and Carter were our presidents in the 70s, Hood...brush up on your history

Hood: That’s not what I was talking about

~Noah begins to climb the ladder with Chris holding the contract in his hands. Chris heads for the edge of the Scaffold but fails to look down...he starts to climb down with the contract when his foot hits an unexpected obstacle. He looks down and sees his foot on top of Noah’s head. Chris tosses the contract back onto the scaffold as he starts to kick down on Noah’s head. Noah moves his head side to side, trying to avoid any direct kick. He’s fairly effective. Chris, seeing he’s getting nowhere, climbs back up, rolling onto the scaffold. Noah follows suit, quickly pulling himself onto the platform. Before he can reach his feet, Chris starts to stomp away on him, keeping Mackenzie grounded~

Smith: Our final two contestants are on the scaffold with the contract in reach.

Hood: So it’s either Noah or Chris?

Smith: Yes, haven’t you been paying attention?

Hood: Kind of...but there’s also a babe right beneath us wearing a very low cut shirt.

Smith: Divert thine eyes, Hood!

Hood: Never!

~Chris grabs Noah by the hair and drags him to the middle of the Scaffold...he hooks Noah for a piledriver and tries lifting him up, Noah kicks his legs wildly, forcing Chris to drop him back to all fours. Noah then goes for a back body drop...Chris slides down Noah’s back and hooks him for a sunset flip. Noah throws a punch down at the face of Chris...Chris slides back, out of harm’s way. Noah’s fist slams into the Scaffold. Chris, standing, waits for Noah to turn around, on his feet. Noah does and Chris leaps in the air for a dropkick but Noah catches his legs! Noah then hooks Chris for a catapult, falls back and slings Chris across the scaffolding! He slides near the edge, going over...but hangs on with his hands~

Smith: Fast action by two of our most athletic performers.

Hood: Crazy Chris Crazily hanging from a crazy height in this crazy match.

Smith: A little overboard.

Hood: Well, gee, I either comment too little or too much...I JUST CAN’T WIN.

Smith: Stop yelling

~Noah locates the contract near where Chris is hanging. He walks over and grabs it. Turning his back to Chris, Noah walks for the side with the ladder...Chris pulls himself up and he grabs Noah by his Achilles, yanking back! Noah loses his balance, falling face forward...the contract flings from his hands, slides across the scaffold and teeters on the edge. Chris crawls up the back of Noah and quickly locks in a Boston Crab! The impact of his movements cause the contract to fall off the scaffold and land on the mat. A comptonite slides into the ring and tries to steal it...he’s quickly tasered by a law official and removed as the crowd boos and throws things~

Smith: The contract has made it to the ring...but we can’t declare a winner until someone obtains it.

Hood: Someone almost did...Thaddeus Johnson III was nearly our new Oh Shit Winner.

Smith: You know his name?

Hood: Yea man, we partied until the wee hours last night, it was a blast.

Smith: I can never tell when you’re serious

Hood: Easy, I’m ALWAYS serious

Smith: Okay, so I’m going to guess that young man’s name was Phil.

~Noah powers to a kneeling position with Chris on his back. He reaches a standing position and staggers near the edge. Noah reaches behind him and grabs the mask of Chris...he flips him over his top and over the edge! Chris, somehow, lands on the rungs of the ladder. His muscles are tightened as his body is coiled and frozen due to the shock he is enduring at the surprise landing. Noah looks down and yells “fuck” realizing he’s in jeopardy of losing. Taking a seat, he kicks his legs out over the edge and places them on top of the ladder. Chris finally snaps out of it and slowly starts to descend, still a bit shaken up~

Smith: If Crazy Chris can return to his normal speed and accuracy, he has a great shot at winning this.

Hood: Who knew throwing a guy OFF a Scaffold could cost you the match.

Smith: Indeed...but it isn’t over yet

Hood: Nope, that contract is still in the ring...look at the pages, blowing in the california breeze...almost as though it were begging someone to grasp it, wanting to be possessed.

Smith: Wow, that wasn’t half bad

Hood: Ah fuck! I just spilt my beer.

~Noah manages to balance himself atop the ladder, letting go of the Scaffold. Chris is about halfway down the ladder when Noah weighs his options in a split second...he then dives off the top, flipping through the air and grabbing the waist of Chris while descending. He powerbombs Chris off the ladder and into the mat! Chris, though, surprisingly locks in a Triangle Choke after impact. Noah kicks his legs wildly, knocking the ladder to the ground, creating a clear path to the contract. Chris, almost half out, continues to apply a decent amount of pressure with his knee jammed into Noah’s throat. As he does, he starts to slide his body around, looking like he’s going to make a run at the contract~

Smith: I’ve never seen that before...locking in a Triangle Choke AFTER being powerbombed off the ladder??

Hood: Must have been instinct or whatever...but it’s not locked on very tight.

Smith: Of course not, I can’t image how he’d have the strength to apply it properly...let alone at all.

Hood: All that masked fucker has to do is keep it on long enough to get the contract...he doesn’t have to choke Noah out.

Smith: Indeed

~Chris nears the contract...he reaches out and his fingers graze the edge of the pages...that’s when Noah stands up and lifts the lower body of Chris along with him. Noah’s face is red due to the pressure being applied. Displaying a tremendous amount of strength, he runs at a corner and powerbombs Chris into the top turnbuckle!! Chris releases the Triangle Choke as he crumbles to the mat...Noah falls to his knees, holding his throat in pain, coughing~

Smith: He’s only a few feet away...all he’s got to do is crawl a step or two and he’ll be the Oh Shit Winner!

Hood: Excitement! Drama! Intrigue! Suspense! Oh my Gosh!

Smith: Stop it

~Noah, slowly, begins to crawl for the contract as the fans yell at him to hurry up. Chris slowly rises in the corner, shaking his head. He sees Noah near the contract and sprints at him. Noah jumps to his feet, turns around and DRILLS Chris in the head with the Oh Shit Contract knocking him out! Chris falls to the mat as the bell rings~

Belvedere: Here is your winner...and the NEW OH SHIT CONTRACT HOLDER...NOAH MACKENZIE!!!!!

Smith: He did it!! Noah Mackenzie is the Oh Shit Holder...it took him a month...but he’s finally back where he belongs.

Hood: Nobody is more talented than that painted, weirded up looking fucker...so, yea, props to him.

Smith: Valiant effort by Chris...as well as a great rookie showing for Mike Williams and Mason Dixon...Angelle Laree got a late start but fared well and Tatum...well, he was Tatum.

Hood: Yep, cool match to keep things rolling...but I need another beer so that girl with the GIANT African American breasts is calling my name...I’ll be right back.

Smith: Let’s head backstage

~The footage goes backstage as we see PerZag in his locker room, doing push-ups. He does push-up after push-up warming up for his match against Dangerous Dan and Ricky Rhodes later in the evening. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door, and PerZag looks towards it. He opens the door, and stares at the doorway as the footage cannot see who it is. The person steps forward, revealing himself to be Scott Syren~.

PerZag: Scott Syren, you made it.

~PerZag puts his hand out, and they shake hands.~

Scott Syren: Sure did.

PerZag: So, you wanted to discuss what we have been talking about.

Scott Syren: Sure do.

~PerZag turns around, and walks back into the locker room, as Scott Syren closes the door behind him.~

PerZag: I can certainately say that Bob is up for it.

Scott Syren: Well, that’s great. We need him if we are to assume our dominance.

PerZag: It makes it easier that I have already teamed up with him last month.

Scott Syren: There is only one problem. We need one more.

PerZag: Yes we do. One more to the group will be great. You got any ideas.

Scott Syren: No, that is why I have come to talk to you. I don’t know else we can get. I don’t know any of these new people, and the one’s from last year have no talent. Look at the OCW Heavyweight Champion. He has absolutely no talent whatsoever.

PerZag: That’s true. I don’t know. Awe.Some are ok, Supreme Machine is an absolute weirdo, and Ricky Rhodes, well he’s got talent, but has no Worth.

~They pause for a second.~

PerZag: I’m out of ideas. No one here can really take a position in this group. Maybe...

~Scott Syren interrupts PerZag.~

Scott Syren: I have an idea of who can join.

PerZag: Who?

~Scott Syren reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a piece of torn up paper and a pen. He writes on the piece of torn up paper, and hands it to PerZag. PerZag reads whatever Syren wrote, and smiles.~

PerZag: That’s perfect.

Scott Syren: I know.

~The footage fades out, and goes back to Smith and Hood.~

Smith: Looks like Operation Zero is reforming!

Hood: It is a new year...maybe Operation 0.2? Or Operation 0.1?

Smith: How would that work?

Hood: I don’t know, you’re the numbers expert... this beer is damn good

Smith: That looks like a clear bottle

Hood: It is, some guy named Jamal gave it to me...he brewed it out of his...lab...errr...basement.

Smith: I’m of the opinion that the less we talk about your interactions with these fans, the better.

Hood: No shit, the most shocking thing was that people of compton actually cook that stuff

Smith: Beer?

Hood: Yea, we’ll go with beer

Smith: Terrific...well folks, as usual, the lineup can fluctuate with matches airing at different times than the marquee would suggest. So, due to Crazy Chris needing some time to recoup for his match against Awe.Some...the Hall of Fame Title is next!

Hood: *spits his beer, it erodes part of their table* WHAT? How disrespectful!!

Smith: Did you just see what that...that SUBSTANCE did to our table?

Hood: Eh, just means it’s a tad stronger than your average beer...nobigdeal.

Smith: Whatever...well folks the match is going to be broadcast from a Gold’s Gym a few blocks down...so we’ll take you there while Hood and I call the action from our ringside location.

Hood: Sweet, I love Gold’s Gym...way better than Fitness 24/7 or whatever those other bitch ass, generic gyms are called...you know what my gym is called?

Smith: What’s that?

Hood: Garage

Smith: Interesting, sounds like a grungy type place

Hood: It is, you want to know why?

Smith: Why?

Hood: Because it’s in my actual garage...people who pay for gym memberships are suckers!

Smith: *hiding his gym membership* I...I can see your point...anyway, to the gym!

OCW Hall of Fame Championship
Weight Room Match
Lurrr (c) (14 pts) vs. Scott Syren (2 pts)

~We are whisked away to the local Gold’s Gym where a ton of fans are surrounding a weight room with three sides of glass, providing them with an opportunity to look inside. Inside the weight room is Gruff and a few camera men, to ensure they get the best footage possible. Belvedere, still at ringside, does the calling duties via simulcast~

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for the OCW Hall of Fame Championship match!! This is a Weight Room match and it is scheduled for one fall...introducing first...

~”Cocky” by Kid Rock begins to play as the Compton crowd outside boos loudly with the fans inside the gym slapping the glass with their palms and screaming. A brigade of officers clear a pathway for Lurrr and Maurako. Maurako has the Hall of Fame Title over his shoulder as Lurrr, wearing a robe for some reason, throws his head into the air, with an extreme amount of arrogance. They enter into the Weight Room as the door is quickly shut behind them, keeping any fans from pouring in~

Belvedere: From Houston, Texas...he is the self proclaimed Mr. OCW...please welcome the Hall of Fame Champion...Lurrr!!!

~Maurako holds Lurrr’s Hall of Fame Title up high as the fans spit on the glass, continuing to boo. Suddenly, the lights in the gym go off as the place begins to shake~

Belvedere: Uhh...Introducing his challenger, from Various parts all over the galaxy...he was once anointed as Mr. OCW by President Dean...an Icon, a Legend, The Man...a presence so astounding women are sure to leave their partners at his very sight...Scott SYREN!!

~Some kind of lightning bolt strikes in the weight room as Syren is suddenly standing inside with a pair of shades on and torn, ripped apart blue jean shorts. He’s also wearing a pair of dirty KEDS shoes for some reason. Syren stands motionless as the fans start out a “Syren!” chant. Syren remains motionless as we hear the bell ring~

Smith: Umm

Hood: No need to explain, he’s Scott Syren

Smith: I guess Maurako is just going to hang out in that room? Maybe he missed his morning workout..

Hood: Maybe or perhaps he’s afraid about getting ripped apart by that angry mob inside Gold’s Gym. Speaking of, I’ve never seen so many people inside a gym before. You’d think it was the day after New Years...times, like, 10.

Smith: New Year’s Resolutions.

~Gruff orders Maurako into a bare corner where he obliges, with the HOF Title in his grasp. Syren continues to stand motionless as Lurrr, wearing a pair of MMA gloves and top of the line work out gear, stares Syren down. Lurrr looks over at Gruff, asking him what the hold up is. Syren just stares, like a statue. Lurrr walks up and delivers a hard slap into Syren’s left shoulder. Syren’s head suddenly jerks in Lurrr’s direction followed by his hands which grip Lurrr around the throat! Lurrr kicks his legs wildly as Syren backs him up against the wall with all the fans in attendance going wild. Syren then proceeds to head butt Lurrr in the face over and over again as the fans count along~

Smith: Lurrr has awoken the beast

Hood: I wouldn’t want a man who appears via a lightning bolt head butting me...that I’m sure of

Smith: It would probably hurt

~Lurrr lifts his left foot up, kicking Syren in the groin. Syren stops and looks down before delivering a final head butt into Lurrr’s face, right at the bridge of the nose. He releases his grip of Lurrr’s neck as the Hall of Fame Champ falls to his knees, grabbing his nose in pain, with blood pouring through his fingers. Syren then heads for Maurako~

Smith: Syren may have broken Lurrr’s nose!

Hood: Brutality...and we haven’t even seen any weights used yet...I’m going to love this match!

Smith: Syren does realize this isn’t a handicap match...and why are his sunglasses still on

Hood: Because he’s throwing shade on both those mother fuckers...Scott Syren is the man!

~Syren reaches Maurako who steps up...the two stare one another down. Syren then head butts Maurako, knocking him back, into the corner. Maurako lunges forward with the belt, hitting Syren in the head. Syren no sells it, staring up at Maurako...his shades, however, have been severed. He takes them off and throws them aside. He then starts to nail Maurako with lefts and rights as Maurako falls back into the corner, throwing a few back, but not having much success~

Smith: Despite the fact this match is NOT a handicap match...Syren is having a ton of success.

Hood: He’s unwordly

Smith: Are you saying it would be like Zeus wrestling in OCW?

Hood: Zeus DID wrestle in OCW and he was terrible...how dare you compare Syren to such a loser!

Smith: Not THAT Zeus...the REAL Zeus

Hood: Are you saying OCW’s Zeus wasn’t a real person? Was he an alien?

Smith: Nevermind

~Syren quickly hooks Maurako around the waist and he tosses him over his head with a Belly-to-Belly! Maurako slams into a shelf of weights, cracking his back, hard. He grimaces, holding his back in pain. Syren walks up and starts to stomp away on Maurako. Suddenly, from behind, Lurrr rushes up and knees Syren in one of his kidneys. Syren stumbles toward a wall, placing both palms against it to steady himself. Lurrr then turns around, poised for the Wake Up Call. Syren turns around, unfazed...Lurrr throws his signature superkick at Syren...Syren catches it and pushes back on Lurrr’s foot, sending him toppling over and rolling near a bench press apparatus. Lurrr sits up and looks at Syren, his nose busted and bloodied, with a look of shock. Syren stalks him~

Smith: Lurrr has never faced anyone like Scott Syren...he may be...dare I say, out matched.

Hood: I never thought I’d see the day where Lurrr was the severe underdog...I mean he was a slight underdog against Andy Murray...but tonight, man, he looks like Scoot Time.

Smith: Well, let’s not go TOO far

Hood: You’re right, maybe Richard

~Lurrr backs up against the edge of the bench press and pulls himself up, where he’s seated on the bench. He quickly hops to his feet and leaps off with a cross body. Syren catches him...Lurrr wiggles, trying to get out of the clutches of Syren. Syren turns around and hurls Lurrr over his head with a Fall Away Slam!! Lurrr lands across the bench, severing it!! He rolls over and holds his back in pain from the impact as Syren starts to kick at Lurrr’s wounded back~

Smith: Total domination so far...if Syren is going to throw people throw work out benches...it’s going to be a long night.

Hood: Lurrr needs something to even the odds, maybe a gun

Smith: Probably would get him DQ’d, if not arrested on attempted manslaughter.

Hood: Hey, whatever it takes...plus, I’m pretty sure you can’t kill Scott Syren

Smith: Well, he’s still alive, so technically he’s never been killed...so, I guess you aren’t completely wrong.

~From behind, Maurako re-emerges, locking in a Full Nelson!! Syren’s muscular arms are stretched back as he looks around, curiously. Gruff attempts to break it up but decides against it, allowing the match to run its course. Lurrr slowly climbs to his feet as Syren, for the moment, seems trapped. Lurrr grabs a twenty five pound circular weight near the bench and readies to drill Syren in the head with it. He lunges forward...as he does, Syren leans forward and flips Mario over his back...Mario crashes into Lurrr as both men land on the hard, rubber floor~

Smith: Nothing is working for Lurrr and Maurako...who, I guess are officially treating this LIKE a handicap match.

Hood: Might as well...I wonder if Syren was a warrior in that Spartan army that faced the Persians...you know, those 300 badasses.

Smith: He’s certainly fighting like it

Hood: We should ask Killface, he was around back then

Smith: I’ll leave that up to you

~Lurrr and Maurako look at one another before crawling forward and grabbing a leg of Syren, each. They whip him off his feet, Syren lands, hard. He looks up, confused...Lurrr and Maurako stand up and they catapult Syren toward a wall. Syren goes THROUGH the wall...white dust flies everywhere as Gruff rushes over, looking through the hole. There’s quite a bit of space between the wall Syren went through and the exterior of the building. He turns around and looks at Lurrr, shrugging...the fans outside chant “Holy Shit!”. Gruff begins to count, treating it like a count out or a Last Man Standing situation~

Smith: Wow...we could, in a weird way, have this Weight Room match end in a count out.

Hood: So fucking gay

Smith: Well, it hasn’t happened yet...Syren could, I don’t know, just magically appear again

Hood: Yea, where the fuck did that werido go?

~Gruff reaches a count of eight as Lurrr looks at Maurako, with a shitty grin on his face. He raises his arms and jumps up and down as Maurako pats him on the back. Gruff hits a count of nine. Suddenly, Syren WALKS through the wall, several feet from where he was tossed in. He turns, covered in white powder and stares at Lurrr and Maurako. There is nothing but empty space between them as he inches closer, one step at a time~

Smith: He’s back! And, well, he just walked through a wall.

Hood: Can we just give him the belt now? Lurrr isn’t beating this mother fucker

Smith: Stranger things have happened

Hood: I know they have, but just like you’re not getting laid tonight...Lurrr is not pulling this one out.

~Lurrr grabs Maurako and hurls him at Syren. Maurako throws a vicious lariat into Syren’s chest. Syren doesn’t move and just looks at Mario’s arm...then at Maurako. He kicks Mario in the gut and hooks him for a powerbomb. Lurrr springs forward with The Wake Up Call!!! He drills Syren in the chin. Syren staggers back against the wall, near where he walked through. He shakes his head, a bit shaken from the move. Lurrr goes for another Wake Up Call...Syren moves as Lurrr’s foot goes THROUGH the wall. He is left on one foot with his leg caught in the wall, in an uncomfortable position. Syren takes advantage with a well placed, stiff punch into Lurrr’s crotch!! Lurrr rips his foot from the wall as he falls down, holding his groin in pain. Maurako springs forward, with Syren’s back to him. He locks in another Full Nelson...this time, he lifts Syren up and plants him into the ground with La Omerta!! Syren is motionless~

Smith: Finally...they’ve got him down. But how hurt is he...I mean, he took two of the greatest finishers OCW has ever seen...including the 2014 Finisher of the Year, La Omerta.

Hood: Maybe he’s dead...he’s certainly not moving.

Smith: I doubt he’s dead

Hood: A quick nap?

Smith: In a match of this caliber? I’d hope not!

~Maurako tends to Lurrr with Syren on his back. Syren quickly sits up and turns his head toward Maurako and Lurrr, who don’t notice. The fans go wild as Lurrr seems to be okay. He waves his hand at them in a careless manner, thinking the cheers are for him. Two gigantic hands reach down, grabbing Mario and Lurrr by the hair. Syren lifts them up and drills them with a double head butt!! They both stagger back as Syren suddenly delivers a side thrust kick into Lurrr’s gut, knocking him down. He twirls around and does the same to Mario, knocking him down. Syren then performs a pirouette for stylish effect as the fans around the weight room give him a standing applause~

Smith: Syren, I guess, acknowledging his fan base there.

Hood: A true humanitarian and man of the people, always taking time out to entertain.

Smith: Who knew he could perform ballet.

Hood: I think Syren could fly to the moon if he wanted to...

Smith: Of course, anyone...

Hood: You didn’t let me finish...WITHOUT a rocket ship.

Smith: That’s impossible!

~Syren walks over and grabs the Hall of Fame Title...he moves to exit with it. Gruff stops him and explains to Syren that he must pin Lurrr to win the title. Syren rolls his eyes and groans, tossing the title to the ground and heading back to Lurrr. Maurako jumps up and throws a forearm at Syren...Syren blocks it and tosses an elbow into Maurako’s face, knocking him down. Lurrr reaches over and grabs a ten pound, circular weight...he flings it at Syren like a Frisbee...Syren catches it and breaks it in half. Lurrr’s eyes widen as Syren steps on Lurrr and places his foot on one of Lurrr’s shoulders...he then stands on the other one before looking at Gruff. Gruff slides in, making the count~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!!

Smith: Lurrr, somehow, was able to worm his way out from under Syren’s standing pin fall.

Hood: Dude, that was actually highly effective...like I know when you step on someone for a pin it’s cavalier and disrespectful...but standing on a guy’s shoulders, that could actually work.

Smith: Yea? Well that’s the first time I’ve ever seen it and it failed.

Hood: Dick

~Syren tries to stomp on Lurrr’s head...but Lurrr rolls out of the way and crawls toward the broken bench press. He grabs the bar and turns around, holding it like someone would a kendo stick. He slings it at Syren...Syren dodges it. Lurrr then thrust it forward, Syren catches it, ripping it away from Lurrr. He pulls Lurrr in close, using the bar as a connection...he grabs Lurrr around the throat, lifts him up and drills him into the hard, plastic floor with a chokeslam. Syren then gets on his knees, hooks a leg and goes for a real pin~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!

Smith: He kicked out again...you have to give it to Lurrr, he’s showing the resiliency of a champion.

Hood: Yea, well he didn’t win all that shit in the past by just rolling over like a two dollar whore.

Smith: They roll over pretty fast, do they?

Hood: For two dollars, abso-fucking-lutely...they’ve gotta satisfy a shit ton of customers in a short amount of time to make any kind of profit.

~Syren, showing a hint of frustration, grabs Lurrr by the head, stands up, lifts him up and flings him into a row of stationary bikes. They all fall over with Lurrr landing awkwardly amidst the machinery. Syren then yanks Lurrr out and drills him in the nose, again, with a straight right hand. A splatter of blood is seen from the impact, due to Lurrr’s nose already being injured. He jumps back and rolls around, at the base of a tread mill. Syren smiles~

Smith: Uh oh, the infamous treadmill ‘spot’...it’s how Syren won the one and only other weight room match in OCW. He turned the tread mill on and forced Y2James’ face into it, rubbing it raw.

Hood: Ah, Y2James...whatever happened to that guy?

Smith: I think the fact Y2K never really happened sort of ruined his career.

Hood: Makes sense

~Syren grabs Lurrr by the hair and drags him to the treadmill. He slams Lurrr cheek first into the tread part of the mill. He then flips it on, at the highest rate of speed, keeping Lurrr’s cheek to the grind. It starts to grind away...Lurrr yells out before doing everything he can to pull away. Syren looks down with sadness and a handful of dirty blonde hair. Lurrr leans up against the window with his cheek reddened. He is startled as fans begin to beat on it, yelling and laughing at him. Lurrr turns around and yells back. Syren grabs him around the waist and performs a German Suplex, slamming the back of Lurrr’s head, neck and shoulders into the running tread mill!! He bridges for a pin as Gruff looks at the strange pinning situation, but sees Lurrr’s shoulders pinned...so he makes the count~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!!

Smith: He kicked out again...but at what cost...Syren is dismantling the Hall of Fame champion.

Hood: No shit, that had to hurt too...look at the back of his neck and upper portion of his mid shoulder area...it’s all red and bleeding...

Smith: Mid shoulder area?

Hood: Well I don’t know what the fuck it’s called

~Syren continues to stalk Lurrr, who weaves in and out of a row of treadmills before stepping over the fallen stationary bikes. He’s out in the open as Syren is a few feet behind him...Syren grabs Lurrr by the hair and turns him around...he goes for a short arm clothesline...Lurrr ducks...Syren turns around and Lurrr delivers a variation of The Wake Up Call to one of Syren’s knees! Syren’s leg buckles as he staggers and falls to one knee, holding his wounded, right knee. Lurrr, noticing he made something resembling a dent rushes over to Maurako, who is seated at a machine designed to work out your traps. Mario is breathing heavily, having taken a beating. Lurrr barks some orders at him~

Smith: Apparently Syren’s knees are human.

Hood: Damn, he should really get knee replacement surgery...perhaps put titanium or PLUTONIUM in there.

Smith: Plutonium would be highly expensive..not to mention totally unstable.

Hood: Everything about Syren is unstable

~Mario stands up...together, he and Lurrr grab the weight bench bar...Syren is on his feet...he turns around and they charge at him, clotheslining him to the floor with the bar!! Syren hits hard with the back of his head snapping back and slamming into the plastic floor. Mario then jams the end of the bar into Syren’s throat, choking him. Lurrr looks for and finds a twenty-five pound circular weight...he carries it over to Syren’s body~

Smith: They’ve got him down...Lurrr is looking for the kill

Hood: Man, a weight room match that is a FIGHT TO THE DEATH...it’s the little surprises that make these shows so awesome.

Smith: It is NOT a fight to the death and, if it were, that’d be a terrible surprise.

Hood: It’s all subjective, my friend

~Standing over Syren, Lurrr places the metal weight on his head...he then jumps up and comes crashing down on the weight with both feet, slamming it into Syren’s face. Syren’s body goes limp as Mario removes the bar. Lurrr slides the weight away as we see Syren’s face, unscathed. He looks peacefully asleep...Lurrr goes for the pin~

1!

2!

SHOULDER UP!

Smith: He got the shoulder up!

Hood: Man, that looked like the motion I make in the middle of a nightmare...or when I feel like I’m falling in a dream.

Smith: I HATE that

~Syren sits up, looking like he’s back to normal. Mario slaps the bench bar across his back...he stands up. Mario throws the bar at Syren, he catches it and drops it. He then drills Mario to the floor with a lariat! Mario hits hard. He turns around, looking for Lurrr...as he does, Lurrr SLAMS him in the face with the twenty-five pound weight. He does it again and again and again and again until Syren falls to both knees. Lurrr then rotates around and smacks Syren as hard as he can...Syren falls to his side, breathing heavily~

Smith: Lurrr’s got him down...now he has to try and pin him.

Hood: Easier said than done...beating Syren is like beating the boss at the end of a really hard game.

Smith: WITHOUT cheat codes

Hood: Aww man, taking away cheat codes defeats the purpose of playing games, it ruins all the fun.

Smith: That’s so freakin backwards I don’t even know where to begin

~Lurrr heads over to a two tiered shelf near a window with a bunch of dumbbells. He grabs a giant, seventy-five pound dumbbell and carries it toward Syren using both arms. The veins in his arms are protruding due to how heavy the weight is. Syren returns to his feet, with his back to Lurrr. He turns around and Lurrr lunges forward, drilling Syren in the head with the weight!!! Syren falls over onto his back, sprawled out. Breathing heavily, Lurrr drops the dumbbell and goes for the pin~

1!

2!

Shoulder Up!!!

Smith: Another shoulder up...Syren is escaping by the narrowest of margins!

Hood: That was one heavy ass weight

Smith: Can you imagine lifting one of those with one arm in a bench press type workout?

Hood: Of course I can, I’ve done it

Smith: You have not! Your arms are like five inches wide.

Hood: HEY!

~Lurrr slaps the plastic floor and glares at Gruff, feeling like he isn’t going to have many opportunities to pin Syren. Gruff shrugs. Lurrr returns to his feet and he climbs the rack holding all the circular weights, it’s about five feet high. Syren returns to his feet. Lurrr bends over and removes another twenty-five pound weight. He jumps off and sort of Double Axe Handles the weight over the top of Syren’s head!! Syren staggers back, teetering on his heels. Lurrr then springs forward with The Wake Up Call!!! Syren snaps to the ground as Lurrr quickly jumps on top of him, hooking both legs~

1!

2!

3

NO! KICK OUT!

Smith: Syren kicked out of The Wake Up Call!!

Hood: After being hit in the head with a giant weight

Smith: That’s it, he’s not human, I agree with you

Hood: He’s a fucking alien cyborg with a twelve inch cock

Smith: Did you have to go that far?

Hood: He would have been offended if I hadn’t

~Lurrr rolls over and stares at the ceiling, running his hands through his hair...he is in disbelief. Maurako, meanwhile, is seated in the corner where he originated, holding the HOF title. Lurrr gets to his feet and he staggers for the rack containing the dumbbell. He obtains two twenty pound bells, one in each hand. Syren suddenly approaches Lurrr and he punches Lurrr in the face!! Lurrr responds by punching Syren in the face with a dumbbell. Syren uses his fist to punch back...Lurrr responds with a punch of his own, using the dumbbell. The two begin to trade punches...fists for dumbbells as the fans chant “Yay” and “Boo”~

Smith: The strangest fist fight I’ve ever seen

Hood: You’d think Lurrr might have the upperhand...but, I don’t know

Smith: When it comes to this match, I’m going to refrain from predicting ANYTHING

Hood: Wise move

~Lurrr starts to win out, thankfully for all that is human...Syren falls back as Lurrr drills him with left and right and left and right. Syren teeters against a dip machine. Lurrr clotheslines him and Syren’s body flips over the dip machine, which came up a little above his waist and he tumbles onto his head on the other side. Lurrr, instead of pinning him, rushes over to Maurako, helping him up...they strategize~

Smith: Here we go...Lurrr and Maurako are going to continue to double team Syren.

Hood: It’s got to work, eventually...you’d think

Smith: I’m not sure what can stop Syren, to be honest

Hood: A nuclear bomb up the ass might work

Smith: We’d all lose if that happened

Hood: True, wicked blast radius

~Maurako and Lurrr head back over to the rack of bench weights...they begin stacking them up, two stacks, side by side. Syren reaches his feet, groggily. Maurako and Lurrr are able to get two sides of five twenty five pound weights stacked up. Syren approaches. Mario drills him in the head with the title. Syren staggers to the side. Mario then lifts him up, twirls around and drills Syren into the weights with a Spinebuster!!! Syren is laid out on the weights...Lurrr then lifts Syren up, hooks him, twirls around and drops him head first into the weights with a Tornado DDT!! Syren is laid out, face first on the weights. Lurrr drags him off the weights, flips him over and goes for a pin as Maurako counts along with Gruff~

1!

2!

KICK OUT!!

Smith: I can’t believe it!!

Hood: I know, Lurrr executed a DDT

Smith: Not that...another bionic kick out from Scott Syren!

Hood: Oh yea, impressive

~Lurrr rushes to his feet, he grabs Gruff and slams him against the wall with Mario behind him. They both yell at and intimidate Gruff. The fans react positively, causing Lurrr and Maurako to turn around and spot Syren back on his feet, dazed. Mario runs in and drills Syren into the mat with a clothesline. Lurrr charges in after and he leaps high in the air, dropping an elbow across Syren’s throat. Lurrr lifts Syren up and he tosses him at Mario...Mario lifts him up for another spinebuster...but he turns around, giving his back to Lurrr and Syren’s front facing Lurrr...Lurrr runs forward, leaps through the air and he clotheslines Syren to the ground! Lurrr goes for another pin, Gruff slides in and makes a faster count~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!!!

Smith: That’s it, he can’t be pinned...he just can’t be...it’s impossible.

Hood: Well, the guy hasn’t been pinned in over ten years...so you might be on to something.

Smith: Look at Lurrr, he’s realizing it as well...even Gruff is shocked, he picked up the pace on that count.

Hood: He did and how the fuck is Syren not bleeding? He must have elephant or alligator skin

Smith: In terms of thickness rather than color, maybe

~Mario and Lurrr jump on top of Syren like a pack of wild dogs, punching away at his beaten body. The fans outside boo, not appreciating the unfairness that has been exhibited in the match. Suddenly, the sound of a gust of wind blows through as Lurrr and Maurako are nearly knocked over from a gale force of air. Gruff does topple over. The door to the weight room bursts open before slamming shut just as quickly. The wind stops as a giant black man in a cape, eye mask and red mustache appears. He stands up, proudly with his fists on his hips...the fans go wild, chanting “NPD”~

Smith: Look! It’s NOT PRESIDENT DEAN

Hood: Ah shit, what is that guy doing here...I thought he retired or whatever

Smith: Well, we all know that’s not true because Not President Dean is, in fact

Hood: Not President Dean

Smith: Uhm, no, he actually is

Hood: Not President Dean

Smith: Whatever...it does appear as though he’s here to restore balance, perhaps

~Lurrr yells out “what the fuck” as Maurako stands up. He marches for NPD...NPD removes his fists from his hips and begins to brawl with Maurako. The crowd outside goes wild as the two trade punches. Lurrr, watching from afar, sets a sleeper hold onto Syren, keeping him grounded, curious to see what happens with NPD. Mario begins to gain the upper hand as NPD staggers against the window...NPD strikes back with a kick to the shins. Mario hops around, gingerly. NPD goes for a move...but his mustache falls off. He quickly picks it up and puts it back on, allowing Maurako the opportunity to perform a very athletic looking drop kick, taking NPD off his feet and to the ground. The crowd boos loudly~

Hood: I have never seen a man’s mustache fall off like that before...astounding.

Smith: That’s because it’s...

Hood: Not President Dean

Smith: Sheesh

~Maurako has NPD pinned to the ground. Lurrr is poised, ready for Syren to get to his feet and deliver another wake up call. NPD eyes the HOF Title as Mario watches Lurrr. NPD grabs it and slams it into Mario’s head! Mario rolls off NPD, holding his head in pain. NPD gets to his feet and he heads over to Lurrr...Syren reaches his feet, Lurrr goes for the Wake Up Call, but NPD grabs Lurrr by the hair, yanking him back. Lurrr turns around and shoves NPD away. Syren lunges at Lurrr, Lurrr ducks and Syren hits NPD with a right hand, NPD goes flying. Syren turns around and Lurrr drills him with another Wake Up Call! Syren’s head snaps back and it slams into a metal beam on a machine. He turns around and Lurrr rolls him, grabbing the waist of his jean shorts. Gruff makes the count~

1!

2!

3!!!

~Syren kicks out instantly after the three! Lurrr has a look of shock on his face as he points at Mario. Mario grabs the HOF Title and they rush out of the weight room with Syren returning to his feet. Syren has an emotionless look on his face as NPD stumbles near him. NPD shakes his head as Syren turns and utters something to him, NPD nods as they exit the weight room~

Belvedere: Here is your winner...AND STILL OCW HALL OF FAME CHAMPION...LURRR!!!!!

Smith: Unbelievable! Lurrr escaped with a victory and I still can’t figure out how he did it

Hood: He survived...Lurrr is a survivor. Syren may be all kinds of kickass badass...but Lurrr is a survivor and he proved it tonight.

Smith: Indeed he did...but I wonder what Not President Dean and Scott Syren had planned...it looked as though their night is far from finished.

Hood: With those two, who the hell knows

Smith: Right...well, let’s head backstage where Who’Re is standing by with a very excited OCW wrestler.

~We cut backstage where Who’Re is with Noah Mackenzie. Noah has a big smile on his face and his Oh Shit Contract in his grasp~

Who’Re: Thanks guys, I’m here with Noah Mackenzie who, earlier tonight, won an incredible match against several wrestlers, most notably Crazy Chris, Mike Williams and Mason Dixon to earn the Oh Shit Contract.

Noah Mackenzie: It was a hell of a war

Who’Re: Uh Huh...so, Noah, would you like to pull an RM Strong and announce right here, right now who you’ll be cashing it in on?

Noah Mackenzie: I’m not the type of guy to follow in the footsteps of anyone...let alone someone like RM Strong. But I do have an idea as to how I’m going to use this...I just need to see Dean first.

Who’Re: Oh, well he might be in his office...although I did see him step out for a moment during that Weight Room Match...speaking of, look out!

~Scott Syren suddenly walks into view, pushing past Noah. Like Mackenzie, Syren has a piece of paper in his hand~

Who’Re: Mr. Syren! Mr. Syren...what’s that in your hand?

Scott Syren: This?

~Syren holds up an OCW Match Contract~

Scott Syren: This is a contract signed by Not President Dean granting me a World Title Shot in May.

Who’Re: But I thought Lurrr was receiving that shot if he won tonight.

Scott Syren: Give me a fucking break, I had to fight like thirty people in that stupid match. I’m getting this notorized, it’s already been signed.

Noah Mackenzie: HEY!

~Noah grabs Syren by the arm as he was turning away. Syren stops and slowly turns around, facing Mackenzie~

Noah Mackenzie: This was my interview...you can’t just barge through here like you own the place.

Scott Syren: I can and I just did.

Noah Mackenzie: I’m Noah Mackenzie, damnit and I could cash this contract in right now and replace you AND Lurrr in that OCW Title Match.

~Syren leans forward, squints and reads Noah’s Oh Shit Contract~

Scott Syren: Mother fucker!

~Frustrated over how clouded the entire scenario is becoming, Syren storms off with his match contract in hand. Noah remains with Who’Re~

Who’Re: So, is that what you’re planning?

Noah Mackenzie: I don’t know, maybe...maybe not, we’ll just have to wait and see.

~Noah exits as Who’Re is left standing solo. We transition to a shot of Randy and Rachel Valdez roaming the streets of Compton. Before you ask, Randy is still wearing that absolutely terrible Ricky Rhodes shirt. He's tugging slightly at it~~

Randy Valdez: I'm literally checking off the days on the calendar until I can take this thing off. It's starting to smell kinda foul.

Rachel Valdez: Pretty sure you're able to take it off to wash it. The wager was to wear it, but not to wear it 24 hours a day.

Randy Valdez: Hey I'm a man of my word.

~Jones comes scrambling up to the Valdez siblings with a microphone in hand.~

Jones: Guys! Just hoping I can get a few quick words before your matchup against the Danger Boiz.

Randy Valdez: Of course, Jones! What can Awe.Some do for you?

Jones: Well it seems like you guys are starting to really form quite a bullseye on yourselves as of late. SuMa issuing challenges on Twitter, Ricky Rhodes basking in the glory of recently defeating you on Massacre, and now Mason Dixon talking about your pants.

Randy Valdez: That's pretty flattering to know that Mason takes such an interest in my pants. As far as SuMa goes, we've been over this before. The dude simply can't take a joke and if he thinks Awe.Some is going to back down from having a little fun just because it happens to be involve him, then he's a bit mistaken there. Lighten up, big guy. And Rhodes. Ooooooooh Ricky Rhodes. I'm actually happy for him, Jones. The fact that he takes so much pride in his one single win against me is actually a pretty big compliment when you think about it. Dude is acting like I'm the OCW World Heavyweight Champion.

Jones: Speaking of championships, Awe.Some and the Danger Boiz have had quite a verbal spat over the last few weeks regarding what you and Ricky feel is bad wrestling programming. Has anything changed since you're last promo and now?

Randy Valdez: Not really. If you recall last month, Awe.Some approached the Danger Boiz at Code of Silence and stated that we looked forward to our eventual clash. It would be an opportunity to give the fans a great match with perhaps two of the most entertaining tag teams in the industry today. While Ricky and I disagree with the Danger Boiz' marketing and... promoting..., I think once the bell rings we'll give the fans what they want. Tonight is all about the wrestling. After that, they can go back to playing The Walking Dead.

Jones: Speaking of Ricky, where is he exactly?

Randy Valdez: Good question! I was actually trying to find him myself.

???: Brains!

Jones: What the?

~Jones, Randy, and Rachel look off camera with curious expressions.~

Randy Valdez: Ricky?! What the hell?!?

???: BRAAAAIIIINNNNSSSS!!!!"

~Randy shoves Jones out of the way just as a zombified Ricky Valdez enters the shot. Arms extended, Zombie Ricky latches onto Randy and takes a huge bite out of his arm. ~

Rachel Valdez: OH MY GOD! WHY?!

~Randy begins to scream in horror, flailing this way and that, as blood begins to seep out from the area of Randy's arm where Zombie Ricky is munching. Rachel runs off screaming at the top of her lungs. Zombie Ricky shoves Randy to the ground and begins to shamble in the direction of Rachel.~

Zombie Ricky: BRAAAAIIINNNSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

~We cut back to ringside~

Smith: A lot to digest there

Hood: Yes...for instance, Noah is excited

Smith: Syren has a match contract for an OCW Title Shot signed by Not President Dean and, apparently, has an amazing ability to recover ultra quickly after grueling matches.

Hood: And Awe.Some, or at least half of Awe.Some, has become a zombie.

Smith: So, in other words, just another ho-hum day in OCW.

Hood: Precisely

Smith: Well, folks...it’s time for the OCW Tag Team Title Match...this is an encounter I’ve been looking forward to all month...let’s head down to ringside.

OCW Tag Team Championship
Hazardous Ladder Match
Awe.Some (c) (12 pts) vs. The Danger Boiz (0 pts)

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a Hazardous Ladder Match and it is for the OCW Tag Team Championships!! Introducing first...

~ “Don’t Stop” by Foster the People begins to play as the Compton crowd gives a mixed reaction to the uber fan favorite team of Dangerous Dan and Crazy Chris. The brothers rush down to the ring with Chris looking nearly 100% after his previous match up. They slide into the ring and hit opposite corners, climbing to the top, motioning to the fans. Some boo, some cheer...some stare. It’s a unique gathering~

Belvedere: At a total combined weight of 453lbs...Crazy Chris and the OCW Paradigm Champion Dangerous Dan...together, they make The DANGER BOIZ!!!

~The opening guitar rift of "Kickstart My Heart" roars through the ringside area as the fans get to their feet. The lights on the stage set pan slowly towards the entrance way where Rachel Valdez... runs out screaming?~

Rachel Valdez: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hood: ...

Smith: ...

~A few seconds later, Zombie Ricky and Zombie Randy come shambling out from the curtain. Both Valdez brothers have their arms extended as they trail behind Rachel.~

~Actually, only Zombie Ricky has both arms extended. Zombie Randy only has one arm extended because his other arm is now completely missing, presumably chewed off from earlier.~

Hood: Man fuck this company sometimes.

~Rachel makes it to the ring and turns around to find her zombie brothers close behind. She panics and begins to run around to the ring. Zombie Randy gives chase. Rachel maintains her distance from him and is about to circle the entire ring only to see Zombie Ricky closing in from the opposite direction.~

Smith: Oh no! Rachel is trapped by Zombie Awe.Some.

Hood: Wouldn't they just call themselves Zombi.E then?

Zombi.E: BRAINS!

~Rachel falls to the ground in a desperate state.~

Rachel Valdez: Wait! Remember me?! It's Rachel!

~Rachel seems to have an idea. She lifts the ring apron and begins to search for something under the ring. Seconds later, she comes back up holding a beach ball.~

Rachel Valdez: See? Do you remember anything now?

~Zombie Ricky and Zombie Randy both stop in their tracks.~

Hood: Hey, this reminds me of that zombie from Day of the Dead. The one that was able to remember shit from his past. Can't remember his name though.

Smith: Bub.

Hood: Wow. There was no hesitation there on your part.

~Zombie Ricky and Zombie Randy both seem to be channeling things from their memory. Rachel holds the beach ball in front of Zombie Ricky, who now seems fascinated by it. Rachel turns to Zombie Randy and holds the beach ball out towards him. He too seems fascinated by the object. Rachel then tosses the beach ball in Randy's direction. As the ball is in the air, Randy pulls his second arm out from his shirt just in time to swat the beach ball into the crowd.~

~You didn't really think his arm was gone did you? Nah, of course not. He was just hiding it in his shirt.~

~Randy does a poor acting job by looking overly astonished that his arm has returned and he is now human again. Ricky overacts too. "Kickstart My Heart" restarts throughout the ringside area as cheers fill the area and the crowd begins to bounce the beach ball around ringside.~

Smith: Awe.Some is back! Hooray!

Belvedere: And their opponents, from Reynoso, Mexico by way of McAllen, Texas...at a total combined weight of 412 lbs, They are the OCW Tag Team Champions...Awe.Some!!!

~Now back to full human form, the Valdez trio climb into the ring. Ricky and Randy proceed to climb the turnbuckles on opposite sides of the ring and feed off the crowd while Rachel Valdez leans over the top rope to blow a kiss to the fans at ringside.~

Hood: A zombie tag team had some potential though.

Smith: Yea? Well maybe you can catch them at some carnival type wrestling show against The Soda Pops

Hood: The fucking Soda Pops! I’d pop for them if they showed up

Smith: Just stop, it’s embarrassing

~With Rachel out of the ring and normality...if that’s ever an accurate word with Ricky and Randy...having been restored, Scruff points above the ring at the tag titles hanging where the boxes from the TLS/Strong Match once were. There are three ladders around ringside, two good, one faulty. Dan and Chris look across the ring at Ricky and Randy~

Belvedere: And their opponents, at a total combined weight of 412lbs...they are the reigning, defending OCW Tag Team Champions...Awe.Some!!!

~Belvedere exits as the crowd gets a pretty loud dueling “Awe” followed by “Some” chant going. Ricky and Randy smile and clap along as Dan and Chris seem slightly annoyed~

Smith: I know the Valdez brothers are far from rookies of the sport...but to this audience, to the OCW viewing public, they are a fresh, new team. Meanwhile, Dan and Chris have been around for quite some time...so, it seems as though the fans are turning to something new, rather than something known.

Hood: That or they just fucking like them better.

Smith: Well, maybe...but you know me, I’m a huge Danger Boiz fan.

Hood: Yes, that’s been well documented.

~The bell rings as the crowd erupts in cheers. The teams waste no time as they rush one another, breaking off and engaging in an all out brawl. Ricky and Chris trade punches while Randy and Dan go at it. The crowd is red hot for this match, cheering loudly at the displaying of punches being thrown in the ring situation on the streets of Compton~

Smith: This crowd can appreciate a good brawl

Hood: That they can...say, do you think that maybe, for the first time in OCW history someone might NOT pick the true ladder last? I mean it seems like EVERY time we have this match, the true ladder is always last...the teams have to fall through the fake ones first.

Smith: I don’t know, I can’t read the future, I’m not a magic eight ball or anything.

Hood: Fucking magic eight ball...he’s about as consistent as a fortune cookie.

~Ricky gets a knee into the abdomen of Chris. Chris, showing some frustration over how his day has gone thus far, responds by bull rushing Ricky towards the ropes. His momentum takes them over the top rope, tumbling to the jagged concrete outside. Randy and Dan continue trading blows with neither man attaining a true advantage~

Smith: Action has spilled to the outside...Crazy Chris seems angry over being edged out earlier this evening.

Hood: Wouldn’t you? He lost to Noah Mackenzie!

Smith: What’s wrong with that?

Hood: His last name is Mackenzie...MACKENZIE

Smith: Yea, I don’t get it and I don’t think you do either

~Finally, the veteran Dan has Randy backed into a corner with Scruff getting in between. Dan breaks before slashing Randy across the chest with a knife edged chop! Randy opens his mouth in pain, bending over. Dan straightens him up and chops him again! Randy bends over once more as Dan hooks him and flips him into the center of the ring with a hip toss~

Smith: Dangerous Dan off to a quick start...some nice, fast paced action...a welcomed reprieve from whatever it was we saw inside that Gold’s Gym

Hood: That match was epic

Smith: It was some kind of something, that’s for sure

~Dan hops onto the second rope as Randy gets back to his feet. Dan leaps off with a dropkick, nailing Randy in the face. Randy rolls across the mat, near the ropes, half under the bottom rope. Dan grabs Randy by the legs, dragging him into the center of the ring. Dan jumps into the air and stomps onto Randy’s chest. He yanks Randy back up and whips him into a corner, Randy hits hard. Dan charges in, flies through the air and connects with a Stinger Splash! He backs out as Randy stumbles toward him...Dan hooks him and drops him into the center of the ring with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex~

Smith: Dangerous Dan continues to be in control, isolating Randy Valdez and systematically taking him apart.

Hood: Doesn’t Dan have another match this evening?

Smith: Yes...that would be our Paradigm Title Match

Hood: Fuck, are these Danger Boiz on cocaine or something?

Smith: I doubt that

Hood: Maybe they have an IV of Five Hour Energy in the back

Smith: Again, doubtful

~Dan leans against the ropes, waiting for Randy to return to his feet. Randy does and Dan sprints at him, attempting a lariat...Randy ducks...Dan hits the opposite ropes, bouncing off. Randy leaps into the air and he drills Dan in the face with a spinning wheel kick!! Dan falls to the mat, holding his face in pain as Randy is on his knees, recovering~

Smith: Nice retaliation by Randy Valdez...he had to do something, Dan was gathering way too much momentum.

Hood: Nothing like a flying kick to the face

Smith: It does prove fairly effective

~Outside the ring, Chris is dragging Ricky over to the steel steps, dangerously near the Compton fans. They hurl obscenities and throw items at the duo with the cops unable to really control them. Chris tries to slam Ricky’s face into the steps, but Ricky places his hands down, preventing the impact. He elbows Chris in the gut...Chris staggers back. A fan reaches out and tries to grab his mask, Chris fights him off. He turns around and Ricky hurls him, back first, into the apron. Chris hits hard, arching his back in pain. Ricky then jumps up and knees Chris in the face. Chris falls to the hardened gravel as Ricky leans against the apron, gathering his breath~

Smith: The Valdez Brothers have regained control and are now trying to catch their collective breaths.

Hood: Someone was trying to steal Crazy Chris’ mask...that’s awesome.

Smith: No, that’s thievery!

Hood: Nah man, not in Compton...that’s called getting what’s yours.

~Ricky yanks Chris up and hurls him inside the bottom rope into the ring. Chris climbs to his feet as Randy gets to his. Randy moves for Chris...but Dan grabs his legs. Randy is stuck in cement, so to speak. He looks down and tries to get Dan off of him. In doing so, this allows Chris to spring forward with a superkick...it knocks Randy through the ropes, to the harsh exterior. Meanwhile, Ricky is perched atop to top turnbuckle. Dan and Chris, both on their feet turn around as Ricky leaps off and drops them both with a cross body!! Ricky then, on his knees, takes turns punching both Dan and Chris in the head while they are lying on their backs~

Smith: Ricky Valdez showing the same resolve we all witnessed a month ago at Code of Silence when he outlasted Maurako to win the Tag Titles.

Hood: Guy has been on a roll as of late...but, yo, this match is actually turning into a pretty good contest.

Smith: I told you...these are arguably the four best athletes in OCW

Hood: Whoa, easy bro...you didn’t include Syren and/or Bifford in that top four comment.

Smith: Syren, doubtful...Bifford NO WAY

~Ricky gets to his feet and he pulls Chris up...he tosses Chris into the ropes, Chris bounces off and Ricky drills him with a spear! Chris rolls to the ropes and outside the ring. Ricky hops back to his feet as Dan is slowly reaching his. Ricky rushes in and leaps in the air, hooking his legs around Dan’s head for a Huricanrana...Dan blocks it and slings Ricky into the corner!! Ricky hits hard as he unlocks his legs and falls to the mat, holding his head in pain~

Smith: Nice reversal by Dangerous Dan...this match has been back and forth thus far without either team gaining or maintaining a clear advantage.

Hood: Yea, weird seeing Dan perform a ‘power’ move.

Smith: Well, given the opponent’s, it’s not surprising...one of the few times the Danger Boiz are the heavier team.

Hood: Are you calling Dan FAT?

Smith: No I am not!

~Outside the ring, Chris obtains a ladder and he rounds the post, locating Randy. Randy is leaning against the apron, grimacing in pain from the fall he took earlier. Rachel is by his side, checking on him. She sees Chris with the ladder and rushes off, not wanting to get caught in the middle. Chris sprints at Randy with the ladder being used as a battering ram of sorts...Randy ducks and Chris slams the ladder into the post! He drops it, holding his hands in pain. Randy grabs the ladder and he positions it, swinging it like a bat at Chris...Chris ducks and Randy slams it into the post. Chris crawls away and looks under the ring mat...he emerges with a Sledgehammer as several Compton fans can be heard yelling “OH SHIT”~

Hood: The fans are MOCKING Cracy Chris for losing to Noah Mackenzie!

Smith: No they are not! They are yelling that cause he has a Sledgehammer.

Hood: Wrong, but at least you are thinking for yourself.

Smith: I’m not wrong, YOU’RE wrong

~Chris emerges as Randy turns around with the ladder...Randy swings it, again, at Chris. Chris responds by bashing it with the Sledgehammer! Randy drops the ladder and staggers back. Chris then, out of instinct or rage or whatever, starts to repeatedly slam the ladder with the Sledgehammer, dismantling it. Randy looks down, watching like a person would when observing someone who seems to have ‘lost it’. Chris finally finishes with his chest heaving up and down. Randy takes a chance, sprinting in and leaping through the air with a sit out dropkick that connects into the ribcage of Chris!! He falls to the side, slamming into the steps! Randy hits hard with his body landing on the broken pieces of ladder. Chris drops the sledgehammer as he sits up against the steps, not moving~

Smith: Tremendous drop kick by Randy Valdez...but at what cost?

Hood: The price of admission...the spoils of war?

Smith: Huh?

Hood: Sorry, my phone just showed that Kate Upton commercial and I got a little excited.

Smith: Who is Kate Upton? Is she the girl who sang at the Super Bowl halftime?

Hood: No, that’s Katy Perry...Kate Upton is the one with ridiculous titties.

Smith: That could also describe Katy Perry.

Hood: Good point...Kate Upton is fucking blonde.

Smith: Gotcha

~Dan has Ricky hooked for a DDT inside the middle of the ring. He drops Ricky quickly, face planting him into the mat. Dan, sitting up, looks into the sky at the titles hanging above. He wipes some sweat from his eyes before rolling out of the ring and locating a ladder. He slides the ladder into the ring and rolls in behind it. Dan sets it up next to Ricky, attempting to make a climb. He reaches the first rung, Ricky reaches out and grabs the foot of Dan. Dan tries to shake it off...but Ricky yanks back as hard as he can, Dan loses his balance and his face slams into the rungs of the ladder!! He falls back into the ropes as Ricky hops to his feet, rushes in and clotheslines Dan over the top rope to the ground!! Dan lands hard, leaving Ricky as the only other man inside the ring~

Smith: Tremendous effort by Ricky...the kid just seems to have ‘it’.

Hood: I had ‘it’ once

Smith: Yea? What happened?

Hood: I lost ‘it’.

Smith: Not sure you can ever lose ‘it’

Hood: Are you calling me a liar?

Smith: No, I’m simply calling you Hood

Hood: Well, that is my name

~Randy rolls into the ring with Ricky looking at the ladder. Randy slowly gets to his feet, in a bit of pain from what took place outside the ring. He and Ricky look at the ladder together before climbing each side, in unison. Rachel cheers on from outside as the brothers near the top. Suddenly, the ladder begins to shake...their eyes widen as they know what’s coming next...it falls apart!!! Ricky and Randy plummet to the mat, landing hard!! Rachel winces, covering her face and turning away. The crowd cheers and laughs for some reason~

Smith: I thought this crowd was pulling for Awe.Some.

Hood: Dude, they are high, drunk and whatever the fuck else...they just want a fun show.

Smith: I think you’re right on there

~Chris enters the ring and takes stock of the carnage within. He lifts Ricky up and whips him into a corner. Chris chargers in and spears Ricky into the corner. Ricky slumps to the mat, seated with his head leaning against the bottom turnbuckle. Chris delivers a swift kick to Ricky’s face!! Ricky falls over and Chris shoves him out of the ring with his right foot...Ricky tumbles to the ground, landing roughly. Chris turns around and sees Randy crawling amidst the ladder debris. He hustles over to take care of Randy~

Smith: Crazy Chris just took care of Ricky Valdez and now he looks to do the same with Randy.

Hood: That ladder fall was pretty brutal...might be hard to come back from.

Smith: Indeed...those falls are always rough

~Chris grabs a rung from the ladder and he nails Randy, who is on all fours, in the back of the head with it. Randy falls over, rolling onto his back. Chris hurls the rung at Randy, it nails Valdez in the chest. Chris picks up one of the long, structural beams of the ladder that has since been detached. He lifts it up and slams it over Randy’s body!! It bends as Randy rolls over...Chris hits him again and again until the beam is bent beyond recognition. The Compton crowd cheers and chants “Fuck Him Up!” Chris grabs the beam with one hand as it’s almost been bend into a circle. He then drills it into the back of Randy’s head as the crowd lets out a “Yea!!!” Chris then tosses the debris into the crowd as they all rush to play with it~

Smith: And now the crowd is behind Crazy Chris?

Hood: Again, they just want to be entertained

Smith: Well, they are certainly getting that...this match has been tremendous thus far

Hood: I won’t argue that

~Chris picks Randy up and secures Valdez’s head between his legs...he grabs the pants of Randy, lifts him up and drills him with a piledriver into the ladder mess! Randy goes flat as Chris holds his posterior in pain from the impact. He picks Randy up and tosses him, with ease, over the top rope! Randy lands roughly as Rachel rushes over, tending to him. Chris begins to kick the debris out of the ring, clearing it out so that he doesn’t inadvertently get hurt performing any further moves~

Smith: Randy took quite a bit of abuse during that sequence, not sure he’s going to be of much use the rest of the way.

Hood: I’m sure he’ll be fine, he’s young...he just needs to get over it.

Smith: Have you ever been piledriven into a stack of ladder pieces?

Hood: No

Smith: Then you can’t relate

Hood: Fortunately, you’re right, I can’t

~Chris flies through the ropes, landing on his feet. He finds the third and final ladder. Across the ring, Dan is drilling Ricky in the forehead with right hands as Ricky is left seated against the outside steps. Chris yells out at Dan as he’s holding the ladder. Dan nods, leaving Ricky alone. Chris tosses the ladder over the top rope, flinging it high in the air. It lands on the mat in a jarring fashion with a ton of impact. It stays intact. Chris looks at Dan as both seem confident in its stability. They both roll into the ring as Chris moves to set the ladder up~

Smith: That appears to be the ladder...now, all the Danger Boiz have to do is climb it and retrieve the titles and we will have new champs!

Hood: So much for Awe.Some being the new Perfectly Marvelous...one month title reigns are so 2001.

Smith: Indeed

~With the ladder set up, Chris looks at Dan who nods back. Together, they begin to climb, reaching the third rung. Ricky is on his feet on the outside and sees the progress the Boiz are making. He rolls into the ring, under the bottom rope. Slowly, he gets to their feet as the brothers reach another rung. He then shoves the ladder over!! Both Boiz fly off and get clotheslined over the top rope!! They flip back into the center of the ring with the ladder leaning against the ropes as the Compton crowd goes wild~

Smith: Nice save by Ricky Valdez...no doubt that ladder was looking pretty sturdy and, if it had held, he Danger Boiz were only a step or two away from OCW Tag Team Immortality.

Hood: Or becoming Tag Team Champions

Smith: Well, that’s sorta what I meant

Hood: Why didn’t ya say it, then?

Smith: Theatrics

Hood: For fucks sake, Smith, this isn’t Milan

~Ricky snags the ladder and he drags it into the center of the ring. He looks up at the tag titles which belong to he and his brother. He starts to climb. Dan, the less worn of the two, pulls himself up using the middle rope. He spots Ricky making the climb and stumbles over, climbing along the opposite side. Ricky throws a kick around the ladder at Dan’s head, who’s a few rungs beneath him. Dan catches Ricky’s leg and tries to pull Ricky off...he does! Ricky lands on the mat on one leg and grabs it, gingerly. Dan tries to climb really fast. Ricky rushes over, hooks Dan and he powerbombs Dan off the ladder into the mat!!! Dan hits hard and rolls out of the ring~

Smith: Nice move by Ricky...maybe now the coast is clear enough for a clean climb.

Hood: Alliteration out the ass, bro

Smith: Well, my nickname in college used to be Word

Hood: Like Word to yo Mother?

Smith: No, like Wordsmith

Hood: That fucking figures

~Ricky turns and faces the ladder. He begins to climb. Chris, this time, reaches his feet, showing a tremendous amount of recovery skills. The ladder is between he and Ricky. Ricky hasn’t noticed Chris is up, so he’s taking his time climbing. Chris stumbles over, keeping his eye on Ricky. Ricky finally notices Chris, who’s standing at Ricky’s feet...Ricky throws a few kicks at Chris, who dodges them easily. Chris reaches up and grabs Ricky by the waist of his tights and yanks him to the mat. Ricky, frustrated, throws a haymaker at Chris...Chris ducks and he lifts Ricky up and dumps him over the top rope to the outside!! Ricky lands on his ass, hard!! He grabs it in pain, wincing...he curls up, holding his tailbone as Rachel appears, tending to him. Chris now turns his focus to the ladder, alone in the ring...the crowd rises to their feet~

Smith: Ouch...that’s it...ouch

Hood: Yea man, that’s gravelly, umm, gravel...pretty much no give with little, tiny sharp rocks everywhere...and the occasional pothole. Not a good place to be thrown several fee down upon.

Smith: Nope...indeed not

~Chris begins the climb with the weird crowd cheering him on. He gets halfway up the ladder as, out of nowhere, Randy slides into the ring. He limps for the ladder and begins to climb the other side. Chris stalls, surprised to see Randy is back up. Chris climbs faster, Randy catches up with him. They near the top where their upper bodies are peeking over the top of the ladder, allowing them to throw punches. They trade blows. Suddenly, the ladder begins to shake...they look around, shocked. It falls apart!!! Randy and Chris land, roughly to the mat as the crowd, for the first time all night, goes quiet~

Smith: Umm, there must be some glitch...that was our third and final ladder.

Hood: No glitch, those fuckers destroyed the GOOD one with the sledgehammer.

Smith: Oi Vey...what do we do now?

Hood: Well, for starters, we shouldn’t say retarded shit like Oi Vey. Second...I don’t know.

Smith: Helpful as always

~Rachel leaves Ricky, who is seated against the apron, slowly recovering. She walks around the steps as sees the ladder which was destroyed by the Sledgehammer. She starts to gather the parts, placing them at Ricky’s feet. Ricky looks up at her, confused~

Smith: What is she doing?!

Hood: Bitch is crazy, obviously

Smith: She may be a lot of things...but crazy is not one of them.

~Ricky looks at the debris in front of him and extends his arms with confusion at Rachel. She holds up her index finger, indicating for him to give her a minute. She walks to the other side of the ring, bends over, picks something up and re-emerges. She has a bag in her hand. She reaches in and unearths a giant jar of ‘~’ hair gel!! The crowd goes wild as Ricky smiles, nodding. She tosses it to Ricky as he begins to apply it to the broken pieces of the true ladder~

Smith: What a genius idea!

Hood: You have got to be fucking kidding me

Smith: That gel can hold ANYTHING together

Hood: How is that stuff still on the market? I’m pretty sure it could kill someone...ya know, you gel your hair with it, then accidentally bump into someone and your super, freaky hard hair stabs them.

Smith: That’s ridiculous

Hood: Is it, Smith? IS IT!? More ridiculous than gel HOLDING a ladder together?

Smith: ...

~Chris and Randy reach their feet at around the same time. Chris kicks most of the debris out of the way as he steps up to Randy. He pushes Randy against the ropes...Dan slides into the ring behind them. Chris whips Randy off the ropes as Randy sprints toward Dan...Dan turns his back to Randy, jumps into the air and delivers a Pele style kick into Randy’s face! He falls to the mat. Dan then approaches Chris, pointing at the debris, the brothers have an animated conversation, obviously confused over where to go next~

Smith: The Danger Boiz are rightfully confused...they have no idea what’s taking place on the outside.

Hood: Well, maybe they should MIND THEIR SURROUNDINGS

Smith: Did you watch Batman Begins this week?

Hood: I sure did

~After much deliberation, Dan spots Ricky on the outside, piecing together the ladder. He motions to Chris...they look down, over the top rope at Ricky. Randy is on his feet, he sneaks up behind the brothers and slams the sides of their heads together!! They stagger to the side. Randy hurls Chris over the top rope, Chris lands roughly. Randy goes to toss Dan over the top rope, but Dan holds on and skins the cat over the top. Randy is standing there, so Dan places his legs around Randy’s head and yanks him over the top. Randy grabs onto the top rope next to Dan...both men are hanging on the outside from the top rope, looking at each other. Simultaneously, they skin the cat back into the ring. Randy sprints for the ropes across the ring as Dan bounces off the ones nearby. They run at each other in the center of the ring...Dan ducks a clothesline...they each bounce off...Randy ducks a clothesline, they bounce off again before nailing one another with a Double Clothesline!! Both men’s bodies rotate in a circle from the impact in the air before landing on the mat, side by side, laid out. The crowd cheers~

Smith: The definition of a Stale mate...neither man had nor could gain an advantage.

Hood: So, they are napping inside the ring. Chris is slumming on the streets outside the ring and Ricky is playing with Legos.

Smith: If that’s how you choose to look at it.

Hood: It is how I choose to fucking look at it

~The crowd is restless with everything having come to a halt. Suddenly, a crude, misshapen, gelled together ladder is slid underneath the bottom rope. Ricky slides in behind it as some fans laugh, other fans cheer. Ricky gets to his feet and he holds up the ladder, it’s, well, messy~

Smith: Picasso would be proud

Hood: How is he going to climb that thing?

Smith: My guess is carefully

~Ricky also has the jar of gel in his hand, just in case. He uses all his strength to pry the ladder open and places it under the tag titles. He steps on the first rung...the ladder wobbles. He gathers himself, steps on the next one. The ladder wobbles worse...it isn’t looking good. Chris suddenly flies into the ring, having recovered. He heads for Ricky...Ricky opens the jar of ‘~’ gel and he throws a glob into the eyes of Chris!! Chris backs against the ropes as Ricky jumps off with a dropkick!! Chris flies over the top rope and lands roughly on the outside. Ricky returns to his feet and he heads back for his warped ladder~

Smith: It would seem as though Crazy Chris is done for...blinded by whatever is in that glue.

Hood: Chris may never see again...but he could become like a mixture of Ray Charles and Daredevil...that might be cool.

Smith: I’m not even sure how to comprehend that compound

~He climbs a few rungs before Dan gets up...Dan snags the gel from Ricky’s hand and he hurls it into the crowd. Again, the people in Compton rush to grab it. Ricky turns around with his back facing the ladder...he’s on the fourth rung. He throws a few stomps at Dan, but Dan blocks them. Dan grabs Ricky’s leg and tries to pry him away. He is then hit with a forearm in the back of the head!! Groggily, Dan turns around with Randy kicking him in the gut. Dan bends over as Randy hooks him and lifts him up for a powerbomb...he holds him...Ricky jumps off the ladder and he drills Dan with a dropkick!! A loud crack is heard from the impact of Ricky’s feet into Dan’s face...as soon as the crack sounds, Randy drills Dan into the mat with a powerbomb!!! Dan slowly rolls out of the ring, his body having been decimated. The brothers help each other up with the crowd cheering them on...they stare up at the titles and approach the ladder on both sides...they begin to climb~

Smith: They are all alone...but, will the ladder hold?

Hood: I don’t know about that...but that move was wicked

Smith: Yep, that’s their finisher...they call it Face Pop

Hood: Not a fan of the name, but the move...hell yea

Smith: I love the name!

~The ladder wobbles with each rung they step onto. Ricky and Randy work together to keep it straight. Finally, they reach the top, tenuously holding on as the ladder is shaking. Quickly, they both reach up and grab the titles...they detach them from their rings before hopping down to the ring, landing gingerly. The crowd cheers loudly as Rachel steps into the ring, tending to her brothers~

Belvedere: Here are your winners...AND STILL OCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...AWE.SOME!!!!!

Smith: They did it!! Awe.Some retained...thanks to ‘~’ gel!

Hood: I think they should market that shit to construction companies...fuck whatever is in that jar being used as a hair product.

Smith: You might be on to something

~Rachel helps her brothers out of the ring and back towards the curtain as they are both obviously exhausted from their efforts. Dan rolls into the ring and looks at the ladder, shaking his head. Chris rolls in next...he stands up and looks at Dan. The brothers share an embrace in the ring as the people in attendance give them a nice round of applause~

Smith: Losing is never fun...but those two gave it all they had.

Hood: Yea, they sure did...I don’t know how sane it is competing three times in one night...but nobody ever accused the Danger Boiz of being master planners.

Smith: A bit rude...I think they’ve fought admirably...and Dan has a shot later this evening at knocking the goose egg off their tally, if he can defend his Paradigm Championship against PerZag and Ricky Rhodes.

Hood: Fuck...that’s a tall order.

Smith: Title matches in OCW usually are...but, folks, we’ve witnessed another legendary Hazardous Ladder Match as Awe.Some continues to make the Tag Division their own in 2015...who can stop them? I guess we will have to wait and see...until then, let’s head backstage!

~We cut backstage into President Dean’s office where the man of the hour is overlooking a few match contracts. An angry Lurrr with bandaging over his nose bursts in with Maurako behind him, carrying the Hall of Fame Title. Lurrr slams his fist into the table and points his finger in Dean’s face. Dean straightens up, looking Lurrr in the eye~

Lurrr: We had a deal!

President Dean: In case you haven’t noticed, I’m looking at a contract with your name on it for an OCW Title Shot in May.

~Lurrr looks down at the title and verifies that Dean is correct. He then looks at the other contract and becomes angry again. He grabs it and holds it in Dean’s face~

Lurrr: What is this shit?!

President Dean: It appears to be an authorized OCW Title Match Contract for the month of May that includes Scott Syren.

Lurrr: Explain to me just how in the hell he was placed into this match AFTER I beat him, like, thirty minutes ago?

President Dean: The act was perpetrated by that sneaky Not President Dean character. Apparently the people over in legal think he looks just like me and they went ahead and cleared it...nothing I can do about it now.

Lurrr: That’s ridiculous, aren’t you Not President Dean?

President Dean: No, I’m President Dean...he’s Not President Dean.

Lurrr: Wait, wait...I get you’re President Dean...that’s pretty obvious. Are you telling me you’re Not Not President Dean?

President Dean: What I’m saying is I’m President Dean...Not President Dean is Not President Dean.

~Lurrr stares blankly at Dean before turning to Maurako, who rolls his eyes and shrugs. Lurrr winces and looks back at Dean~

Lurrr: For the love! Do you occasionally masquerade in a mask and red mustache...along with a cape from time to time on OCW programming?

President Dean: Heh, Lurrr...c’mon, sucka...

~Dean’s phone suddenly rings~

President Dean: Excuse me, but I HAVE to take this.

Lurrr: SON OF A BITCH

~Angrily, Lurrr and Maurako exit Dean’s office as he answers the phone. Our view lingers a bit on Dean and his conversation~

President Dean: What?! I thought we were past all of that...tonight? They are showing up TONIGHT? Do you know what this could do to OCW? When are they coming? Shit...some help you’ve been, I don’t know what I pay you attorneys for.

~Dean hangs up his phone in frustration. He notices the camera man still in the office and angrily shoves him out as we cut back to ringside~

Smith: Well, that was interesting...legal issues seem to be creeping back up for Dean and we, apparently, have a log jam for the OCW Title.

Hood: Not that complex...if I’m understanding what’s going on...Syren AND Lurrr are number one contenders...that’s some terrible prize for whoever wins tonight between Grenier and Vargas.

Smith: Or an amazing opportunity...can you imagine beating both Lurrr AND Syren in the same evening...that’d almost be an automatic Hall of Fame induction.

Hood: Bro, let’s not mention the Hall of Fame right now...touchy shit.

Smith: Ah, gotcha...well folks, it’s time for our next match...a Boiler Room Brawl with the March Wrestler of the Month, Supreme Machine, defending his Savage Championship against former OCW Champion, Mack O’Connor.

Hood: Mack’s had a rough go of it in 2015.

Smith: Yep, he’s lost two high profile matches WITHOUT being pinned...tonight, that can’t happen. If he loses, he has to be pinned...or, well, submitted.

Hood: Yea, but submissions are for pussies...unless you’re in a submission match.

Smith: Indeed! Now, let’s head to the Boiler Room where this match will take place very much like the Weight Room Match.

OCW Savage Championship
Boiler Room Brawl
Supreme Machine (c) (18 pts) vs. Mack O’Connor (19 pts)

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a Boiler Room Brawl and it is for the OCW Savage Championship!! Introducing first, from Parts Unknown...he is the OCW Savage Champion...Supreme Machine!!

~We hear a mixed reaction from the people of Compton as SuMa is shown standing inside the boiler room, calm, collected...his vision is placed directly on O’Connor, who is standing across the room~

Belvedere: And his opponent, he is a former OCW Champion...Mack O’Connor!!!

~A bell sounds from the ring in the streets as Gruff is in between both men. SuMa and Mack approach. Mack looks up as SuMa looks down, the two are engaged in an intense stare down. Gruff signals for the match to begin. SuMa is dressed in his normal attire. Mack has his fists taped and is wearing a pair of jeans and boots...he is shirtless, looking like someone who is prepared to partake in a bar room brawl of sorts~

Smith: Life just doesn’t get any easier for the former OCW Champion...he’s lost two straight matches, without being pinned...and tonight, he must face the undefeated machine, Supreme.

Hood: The fucker is either going to win or get pinned...no more of that pussy shit.

Smith: Indeed...no more of that.

~Mack suddenly spits right into the mask of SuMa!! SuMa’s head jerks to the side as Mack throws a few right hands into the side of SuMa’s head. SuMa staggers back with Mack displaying quite a punch. SuMa backs up against a concrete wall. Mack rears back, ready for another punch...he then thinks twice, pulling his fist down and drilling SuMa in the gut with a few vicious knees. SuMa bends over, Mack grabs hold of SuMa’s hair and he shoves the side of SuMa’s head viciously, slamming it into the cement wall! A ‘thud’ is heard with SuMa staggering forward. Mack takes a few steps back and sprints in, lifting a knee into SuMa’s face!!! SuMa stands up, teetering on his heels. Mack straightens up and rushes in for a lariat...however, before he can connect, SuMa lifts a big boot into Mack’s face!! Mack falls to the cement floor with his shoulders smacking loudly. He winces from the impact~

Smith: It’s just tough to brawl with a monster

Hood: Yea, but props to Mack for not bashing his fucking fist into another blunt object...he learned from last month.

Smith: Indeed he did, smashing a fist at full force into that cement wall would not be good for the phalanges.

Hood: I don’t know what the fuck you just said, but it would definitely hurt his fingers

Smith: Exactly

~SuMa reaches down and palms Mack’s bald head. He pulls Mack up...Mack uses his left hand to get a few quick jabs into SuMa’s ribcage. SuMa’s grip weakens. Mack lunges forward, breaking his head free and slamming it into SuMa’s face! SuMa stands upright, shaking his head. Mack staggers back as the impact took its toll on him. SuMa moves forward, quickly, attempting another big kick. Mack ducks the kick and takes out SuMa’s other leg, sending the big man falling backward, onto the hard surface. Mack quickly crawls over to SuMa and begins to punch away on the big man’s head~

Smith: Mack got SuMa down...he’s just got to keep him there.

Hood: Easier said than done, SuMa is almost as bionic as Syren

Smith: That would actually be a good match up

Hood: Yea, it’d be like if Hades faced The Terminator.

Smith: Who would you place your money on?

Hood: Probably Terminator, due to the totally badass shades he sports.

~After several right hands to the head of SuMa, Mack gets to his feet and he yanks the Savage Champion to his. He drags him over near a Hot Water Heater...he attempts to slam SuMa head first into the device, but SuMa elbows Mack in the side of the head. Mack staggers to the side, releasing his grip. SuMa turns and delivers a thrust punch into the throat of Mack. Mack falls back against a concrete wall. SuMa chargers in and he splashes Mack into the wall, crushing his body against the unyielding, unforgiving concrete. Mack falls to his knees before SuMa delivers a knee into his face, knocking him over, onto his back~

Smith: I don’t think a person could ask for a more undesirable task...facing SuMa in a boiler room.

Hood: Yea, no fucking escape...no obvious weapons to level things...just you and Supreme Machine...not good.

Smith: Nope, not at all, as Mack O’Connor is finding out.

Hood: Dude just needs to kick SuMa in the groin like three hundred times in a row...that might flip things in his favor.

Smith: Yikes

~SuMa reaches down, clutching Mack around the throat...he yanks Mack quickly to his feet and hurls his back into the Hot Water Heater. Mack slams into the device loudly, producing a bit of a dent. SuMa lunges forward with a right hand, Mack ducks and SuMa’s hand slams into the heater, denting it more severely...yet it remains intact. Mack grabs SuMa by the hair and he slams him, face first into a pipe hanging from the ceiling! A ‘ping’ is heard as SuMa staggers back. Mack jumps up, grabbing onto a pipe parallel to the ground...he swings back and then forward, double kicking SuMa in the face!! SuMa falls over onto his back as Mack continues swinging, before letting go and dropping a leg across the neck of SuMa! Mack goes for a quick pin~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!

Smith: Nice kickout by Supreme Machine...Mack produced some effective offense, but I’m afraid it’s going to take more than that.

Hood: Yea, he may need to have that water heater explode in SuMa’s face or something

Smith: Yea, or a DDT to the concrete could suffice

Hood: Haha, doubtful

~Feed Goes Out~

~Feed Comes back~

Hood: What in the fuck just happened?

Smith: I...I have no idea...OMG! Hood!

Hood: WHAT?

Smith: You’ve grown a giant beard and weird mullet

Hood: Seriously??

~Hood removes a pocket mirror and checks his looks out~

Hood: Ah fuck...I look like a hillbilly pedophile...I feel like I’ve aged AT LEAST a year.

Smith: Me too...how do I look?

Hood: The fucking same...you never age, dickhead

Smith: Excellent...but, hey, let’s get back to this match!

~Mack reaches his feet and he storms the boiler room, looking for something to use against SuMa who, meanwhile, has sat up. Mack eyes the pipe he had been swinging from and looks down at the leather belt around his jean waist. He promptly removes it while SuMa heads his way. Mack struggles with the belt, finding nerves creeping up his spine at the sight of SuMa stalking him. He finally releases the belt and swings it at SuMa. SuMa grabs his right hand, the one holding the belt, and keeps Mack from landing a punch. He dives head first, butting Mack in the nose. Mack staggers back, dropping the belt. His bare back slams into the cold, hard wall of the boiler room. His nose appears busted as he snorts blood from his nostrils, clearing the passage way. SuMa places both of his giant hands around Mack’s throat, lifting him up, off the ground and squeezing. Mack’s legs struggle as the air threatens to leave his body~

Smith: Could see a choke out!

Hood: Did you hear about that black market game that came out awhile back?

Smith: I don’t purchase stuff on the ‘black’ market.

Hood: Are you trying to turn this into a racist thing?

Smith: I just don’t see why it has to be a ‘black’ market, Hood.

Hood: BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT’S CALLED, idiot.

Smith: I’ll have to dogpile.com that.

Hood: Dogpile.com...son of a bitch, you’re a loser. ANYWAY...it’s sort of a take off of Mike Tyson’s Punch out.

Smith: Oh yea? I loved that game! What’s this one called?

Hood: David Carradine’s Choke-Out...in order to win, you have to

Smith: That’s enough!! I was a huge

Hood: Kill Bill fan?

Smith: Umm, no, Karate Cop was one of my favorite films...his portrayal of ‘Dad’ was immeasurable.

Hood: Ugh, never thought I’d say this...but call the fucking match.

~With the internal bulbs dimming, Mack struggles to find a way out of his predicament. Like a man being attacked by a shark or bear or some other creature you so totally don’t want to find not-in-a-zoo...he reaches for SuMa’s eye sockets. With both hands, he gouges. SuMa is unrelenting, at first. However, Mack scores a hit as SuMa turns his head to the side, releasing his right hand from Mack’s throat. The maniacal strength within SuMa allows his left hand to keep Mack elevated. Mack kicks his legs up and, miraculously, locks in a Triangle Choke! He grabs the back of SuMa’s head and pulls forward, crushing SuMa’s Larynx against his right shin. SuMa releases Mack’s throat with his left hand and works to pull Mack off of his throat~

Smith: This really is like a choke out competition.

Hood: Thankfully, neither man has a boner.

Smith: Eww!

Hood: Erection?

Smith: Better but, still...eww

Hood: Sorry, but I’ve got erotic asphyxiation on the brain

~SuMa rams the back of Mack into the wall, he won’t let go. SuMa does it again, Mack maintains his grip. SuMa, staggering at this point, arches his back, lifting Mack as high in the air as he’s able. He then lunges forward, to his knees, drilling Mack into the cement ground!! It is a sick thud. Not loud or Michael Bay-ish...just a loud, heavy, thud. Mack goes motionless. SuMa is on all fours, gasping while removing Mack’s lifeless limbs from his head and neck~

Smith: Well, that’s as real a thud as I’ve ever heard.

Hood: Not sure there are any Irish Pub Brawls that can prepare a mother fucker for that kind of landing.

Smith: Brad Pitt may have survived it...

Hood: Fucking World War Z...fuck that movie.

~SuMa crawls on top of Mack and goes for the pin. Gruff rushes in and makes the count~

1!

2!

3...NO! Shoulder up!!

Smith: Yikes!

Hood: Did we suffer an EARTHQUAKE?

Smith: Umm, unless my tush is numb, I don’t think so

Hood: Really? Because I have no alternative way of explaining how Mack’s shoulder left the floor.

Smith: Oh, hey! Good one!

Hood: Don’t compliment me

~SuMa, undaunted, emotionless, reaches his feet. He bends over and grabs Mack by the ears, yanking him to his feet. Mack’s legs are wobbly, at best. He remains standing, presumably due to SuMa holding him up. SuMa wraps his right hand around Mack’s throat and he lifts him up, high into the air. He sends Mack CRASHING DOWN onto the floor. An audible ‘oh shit’ comes from the crowd outside in the streets of Compton. SuMa goes for another pin~

1!

2!

3...NO! Shoulder up!!

Smith: Mack continues to narrowly avert defeat!

Hood: OR his shoulder has uncontrollable spasms

Smith: It’s the instincts of a champion, Hood

Hood: Former champion, only belt that mother fucker carries is the one he removed to...I don’t know, give SuMa a spanking or something...

~SuMa stands up, yet again. He doesn’t show frustration, merely a bit of fatigue, revealed by his chest heaving up and down. He stomps into the chest of Mack, who remains on his back. SuMa lifts Mack to his feet, yet again, and he Irish Whips him into the wall. Mack hits hard. SuMa lunges forward and drills Mack with an elbow into the windpipe. Mack coughs and staggers to his knees. SuMa lifts his leg up and he kicks Mack in the back of the head! Mack’s face slams, front first, into the ground. SuMa kicks him over, Mack’s face is covered in blood, traumatized by the recent impact~

Smith: I’m not one to say this...because, you know, we’ve seen some wild stuff in OCW...but somebody needs to call this match...Mack is teetering on the brink...of DEATH

Hood: Hey, maybe this was changed to a Death Match and nobody cared to inform us

Smith: Belvedere specifically said Boiler Room Brawl...nothing about Death was uttered.

Hood: Yea and we’re supposed to believe everything a man named Belvedere says?

Smith: Well, I certainly do

~SuMa yanks Mack to his feet, once more and, work man like, lifts him into an Electric Chair position. Mack is out of it, eyes shut. SuMa pulls down and he drills Mack’s bald head into the ground with a Package Piledriver!! Mack flips onto his back, a crack emerges at the top of his head as blood starts to pour from it. SuMa goes for a pin, the ref counts~

1!

2!

3....NO, Shoulder UP!

Smith: Un.Be.Liev.Able

Hood: Easy, Awe.Some may not appreciate you doing that

Smith: Seriously, Mack just kicked out while dead...I think

Hood: Well, his head is certainly split open like an egg...only the yolk is red, not yellow.

Smith: Gross

~SuMa stands up and looks down at Gruff. Gruff, obviously nervous, shrugs and back away, putting some distance between he and the maniacal Savage Champion. SuMa, despite his lack of emotions or personality, is befuddled at his inability to keep Mack down for a three count. He looks around the room and finds a couple of metal crates. He begins moving them around~

Smith: Something is up with the Savage Champion...I think he’s going to raise the stakes here.

Hood: Yea but how about that O’Connor guy, man...he just won’t fucking lose...a true warrior.

Smith: I mean, to this point, Supreme Machine has been better...obviously so...but...

Hood: The better man doesn’t always win

Smith: Indeed

~Two crates, about three feet high, each, are stacked on top of one another. SuMa grabs Mack’s left arm and drags his lifeless body near the crates. A thick, red trail of blood is left created along the floor. SuMa releases Mack and he climbs to the top of the crates, turning his back to Mack. He leaps off, going for a Vader Bomb from the top of the second crate. Mack moves! SuMa knees, stomach and chest land hard with a loud ‘slap!’ He rolls around, holding his stomach in pain~

Smith: SuMa was going for the knockout blow and Mack managed to move out of the way!

Hood: Desperation at its finest...still don’t think it will be enough, I mean Mack’s brains are on the floor.

Smith: I don’t see any brains

Hood: Well, I mean, it’s kind of hard to see them when they are that small

Smith: STOP IT

~Mack rolls over on his belly. Blood is pouring from the crack in his head, off the brow, drizzling into the ground. Mack feels around, poking a finger into the crack. He shakes his head, frowning in anger. Something grabs at his boot...he turns around and sees SuMa holding onto his left heel. Mack rolls over and kicks SuMa in the face! SuMa releases...Mack rolls back onto his belly and he spots his belt. He crawls for it. SuMa sits up, returns to his feet and stalks Mack. Mack obtains the belt and rolls onto his back to find the SuMa staring over him. SuMa reaches down and he grabs Mack by the throat, yanking him up. Mack’s head nearly bangs into the parallel bar he was swinging from earlier. He utters “this is crazy” and leans in, headbutting SuMa! Blood splatters from impact. SuMa gets some blood in his eyes and lets Mack go, turning his back to O’Connor. O’Connor jumps up, with his left hand, and grabs the bar. He does a pull up with the one arm and hangs both arms over the bar. He then reaches forward and wraps the belt around SuMa’s neck! SuMa freaks out, feeling the pressure. Mack lets go of the bar, holding onto the only the belt. He uses the leverage of the belt around SuMa’s neck to remain hanging in the air, with the bar as the base. He jams his knees into SuMa’s back, as though he were going to attempt a Back Stabber and cranks back! SuMa fights for air as Mack deprives him of it~

Smith: Innovative usage of a belt by Mack O’Connor!

Hood: Yea, if you choke SuMa until he’s dead...you might get a 3 count on the guy.

Smith: Something’s gotta give, right?

Hood: I guess

~Mack continues to yank back as SuMa reaches back, trying to pull O’Connor away. He keeps missing as Mack is in a position that is nearly unattainable. Mack continues to crank with everything he has. SuMa’s movements slow as the oxygen is being forcibly removed. He begins to hang, corpsing in the position~

Smith: Okay Mack...enough!

Hood: Juuuust a little bit longer, the guy is a machine, after all

Smith: Seriously, he’s going to hang the guy

Hoo

d: Shit happens, man

~With SuMa basically hanging at this point, mack remains unrelenting. Even Gruff steps in, trying to talk some sense into him. Mack cranks back harder and harder. Blood is pouring out of his wound due to the exertion he’s putting out. He yells out as loud as he can, straining his muscles. The belt rips in half! Mack falls backwards, the back of his head slamming into the ground. SuMa falls to his knees before tumbling onto his side. Mack, on his back, appears unconscious from the landing. Both hands are open with half of the belt hanging limply from his palms~

Smith: This...this is not good

Hood: Or it’s GREAT depending upon how you view life

Smith: I view life as something worth valuing and protecting

Hood: I agree, in regards to some lives

~Gruff stands around, clueless~

Smith: And our top notch personnel, yet again, seem to be at a loss

Hood: FUCKING COUNT, MORON

~Gruff begins to count~

1!

2!

3!

~Nobody is moving~

4!

5!

6!

~Nobody is moving~

7!

8!

~Mack sits up! The crowd cheers!~

9!

~Mack drunkenly stumbles to his feet, breaking the count. He staggers over to SuMa, who is still on his side. He kicks SuMa in the shoulder, turning the behemoth onto his back. Mack spits into the face of SuMa and places his foot on SuMa’s chest. He wipes the blood from his eyes as Gruff makes the count~

1!

2!

~Like a maniac, a being possessed, SuMa hurls Mack’s leg off his chest, he sits up, stands, and wraps his hand around Mack’s throat, bullying him against the wall like a grown man would a child. Mack’s eyes widen with shock. The crowd in Compton chant “You fucked up!” and “Holy Shit!”~

Smith: You can’t win with Supreme Machine! You try and defeat the man, with life oozing out of every facial orifice and it just makes him angry!

Hood: The crowd is right, Mack O’Connor has definitely fucked up

Smith: The end appears to be near for the toughest wrestler in OCW history.

~SuMa’s grip weakens. He falls to his knees, then onto his back, returning to an unconscious state. Mack, breathing heavily, rubs his throat and looks down at SuMa, in a state of shock~

Smith: An apparent burst of instinctual energy from Supreme Machine.

Hood: Shit, I have no fucking clue what that was...but it was voodoo level scary.

Smith: I do not appreciate dark magic

Hood: Unless you’re talking about an ebony stripper...then I agree.

~Mack stands over SuMa, returning to his normal tendencies. He realizes he has an opportunity to do some damage. Mack goes to his knees, warily at first, afraid SuMa may pop up at any moment. Quickly, he grabs SuMa by the sides of his mask and begins slamming the back of SuMa’s head into the ground. He does this repeatedly, until his grip weakens and his muscles ache. He lets go and shakes his hands in pain. He lifts SuMa into a seated position. SuMa is hunched over, arms hanging. There is a blood puddle where the back of his head was. Mack back peddles across the room until his back hits the wall. He runs forward and dives, drilling a knee into SuMa’s face!! The back of SuMa’s head hits the floor so hard, it actually ricochets up a bit. It falls back down with SuMa unmoving~

Smith: It’s payback time for Mack O’Connor...but, the question is...will he take it too far?

Hood: Too late for that, man

Smith: You might be right about that, man!

Hood: Don’t call me man...it sounds so...well, you know

Smith: No, I don’t know, man!

Hood: STOP

~Mack pulls SuMa to his feet as blood runs down the back of SuMa’s neck. Both men look like something out of an over the top, gratuitous horror movie. Gruff pukes in the corner of the room, revealing he may have had fruity pebbles for breakfast. Mack hooks the side of SuMa’s head against his bicep and he drops to a seated position, delivering a Stunner into the temple of SuMa!! SuMa falls onto his side upon impact~

Smith: Mack is setting SuMa up for Claymore!

Hood: Yes and Gruff probably won’t be eating Fruity Pebbles anytime soon!

Smith: I was never a fan...always so hard getting the last few pebbles out of the milk.

Hood: Only YOU would complain about that...just drink the fucking leche, man

Smith: No, Mother always told me to never drink the milk until the cereal was gone!!

Hood: Whoa

~Mack grabs SuMa by the top of the mask, yanking the man to his feet once more. He hooks both of SuMa’s arm and drills him into the floor with a Rock Bottom! Mack gets to his feet and doesn’t go for the pin. Instead, he pulls SuMa up once more and delivers another Rock Bottom!! He picks him up a third time, delivering a third Rock Bottom!!! Mack, back on his feet, looks down at SuMa and shakes his head, no. He pulls SuMa up again and delivers a FOURTH Rock Bottom!!!! Mack staggers to his feet, fatigued over the energy he’s expending. He picks him up again, hooking him one more time. He yells out “FUCK OFF!” into SuMa’s ear, lifting him up higher than ever and drilling him with a fifth Rock Bottom!!!!! Mack rolls onto his back, breathing heavily as the fans are cheering in the streets of Compton~

Smith: Five Claymores!

Hood: Sounds like a really lame Irish Band

Smith: Seriously

Hood: Okay, yea, that was impressive...now pin the mother fucker!

~Mack thrusts his arm over SuMa’s chest. Gruff, wiping puke from his lips, slides in and makes the count~

1!

2!

3!!!

NO!!!

Shoulder UP!!

Smith: AHHH!!

Hood: Son of a bitch, he is Jason Krueger Myers!

Smith: Freddy Michael Voorhees?

Hood: What.Ever

~Mack rolls onto his back, grabbing his forehead with his hands. His eyes are wide as he stares into the lights overhead with shock in his eyes. He turns his head, left and right, in disbelief. Gruff sits up and looks at the floor, he re-enacts the count, making sure it was two, not three. He, too, is in disbelief. SuMa, after heaving his shoulder up, fell back onto his back and remains there. Mack reaches his feet and he staggers toward the double crate contraption SuMa built earlier. He leans into them with his forearm shielding his brow, staring at the ground, at a loss. In the background, SuMa sits up~

Smith: Oh my...

Hood: That’s it, I’m outta here!

Smith: Where are you going?

Hood: A...that was terrifying...B...they are selling fried twinkies over yonder

Smith: Did you just say ‘yonder’?

Hood: Fuck off...you want one?

Smith: Yes...but could you WAIT until this match is over?

Hood: Oh man, but they are like 3 for a dollar...they will SO be sold out at the rate these two zombies are going at it.

Smith: Patience, Hood

~SuMa reaches his feet and stalks Mack, whose back is turned. He reaches for Mack’s shoulder. Mack feels him and jerks his shoulder away. SuMa misses and stumbles forward. Mack rushes behind the crates and he shoves the second one. It tumbles forward, on top of SuMa, sending him to the ground and crashing atop the big man. Mack hops aboard the first crate as the second crate remains atop SuMa. He leaps off, high and comes down with a Double Foot Stomp onto the crate, drilling it into SuMa’s chest. Mack falls off, holding his legs in pain from impact as SuMa, again, is motionless~

Smith: Another impressive effort by Mack...but he’s running out of lives in this match, I believe. He needs to end it!

Hood: Easier said than done, Supreme Machine is fucking unbeatable...I think

Smith: Nobody is unbeatable...anyone can be killed.

Hood: Watched the Game of Thrones marathon like I recommended, didn’t you?

Smith: I did...it was great.

Hood: Fucking right it is

~Mack shoves the crate off of SuMa and he goes for the pin, hooking SuMa’s giant leg~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!

Smith: Nope!

Hood: Shit, that wasn’t nearly as close as the previous pinfall...Mack is losing ground even though he’s still in control.

Smith: Not a good position to be in

~Mack gets to his feet and he yanks SuMa up. He hurls SuMa atop the first crate and climbs up there, alongside. He stands and lifts SuMa up, hooking him for a sixth Rock Bottom~

Smith: He’s going to Claymore Supreme Machine off the crate, into the concrete floor!

Hood: This should be...well, it should be nasty

Smith: Indeed!

~Mack hooks both arms...SuMa leans in and he BITES the gash in Mack’s head!! Mack screams out, more high pitched than usual, displaying the nerve ending that are being wrecked by SuMa’s actions. He releases SuMa. SuMa staggers back and lands on his feet, off the crate. Mack turns his back to SuMa, placing both hands atop his head, keeping blood from rushing out. SuMa lifts Mack top his shoulders in the Electric Chair. Mack’s arms wave as a flow of blood rushes down the front of his face. SuMa yanks him down and drills him, again, with a Package Piledriver into the concrete!! Mack is out. SuMa covers him, hooking both legs. Gruff slides in~

1!

2!

3!!!!

~The bell rings as SuMa sits up. He climbs to his feet and allows Gruff to raise his hand~

Belvedere: Here is your winner...AND STILL THE OCW SAVAGE CHAMPION...SUPREME MACHINE!!!!!

~SuMa exits the Boiler Room as Gruff pulls out some medical materials he had stashed away and tends to the gash in Mack’s head. Other paramedics burst through the door as SuMa has left. They tend to a gushing Mack O’Connor~

Smith: Maybe the bloodiest match we’ve ever witnessed.

Hood: Yea, that’s what happens when you keep slamming people’s heads into concrete

Smith: Indeed!

Hood: And now...now...NOW they have SOLD OUT of FRIED TWINKIES!

Smith: Sorry, Hood

Hood: My life is RUINED

Smith: They have Fried Snickers?

Hood: Really? That’s a thing?

Smith: Mmmhhmmm

Hood: Hell yea! I’ll be right back!

Smith: Folks, while my colleague slowly eats himself to death...allow me to state the obvious. Supreme Machine is the most dominant force I’ve ever seen in OCW. That match was unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed. He continues to, not just defeat, but destroy every adversary placed in front of him. If OCW lasts much longer, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Supreme Machine as OCW Champion very, very soon. Now, let’s head backstage...

~We cut backstage where President Dean is on the phone with someone, we hope, otherwise the guy has lost his mind~

President Dean: No, I’m telling you...feels like an entire year or whatever has passed me by in one night...I can’t remember ANYTHING...

~He looks over a sheet of paper on his desk with “Ian Bishop” in red, crayon letters and a bunch of exclamation points~

President Dean: I mean, I’m staring at this paper and, judging by the color and aggressive punctuation, I really feel as though I should be angry at Ian Bishop. But, sucka, I just can’t remember how, when, or why...so, I guess, whatever.

~There is a knock at the door~

President Dean: I’ll call you back, sucka.

~Dean answers the door as a shock of awe overcomes the streets of Compton. Katy Perry enters into Dean’s office, looking pretty fine...Dean seems puzzled~

President Dean: Here to flaunt?

Katy Perry: Excuse me?

President Dean: Dressed in those expensive clothes, wearing all that high dollar makeup...smelling, well, not like street trash...you’re here to rub it in my face, aren’t you?

Katy Perry: I...I’m just a fan, here to express my excitement over what’s taken place and what’s yet to come...oh and to have Bill Cosby arrested.

President Dean: So, you, Ian and Danny B all leave OCW and rush off to other federations, make a shit load of money and now want nothing to do with the place that made you who you are? You make me sick!

Katy Perry: What are you talking about, Dean? I’m a musician...I make millions of dollars a year...I have more twitter followers than you have equity...seriously, do you not know who I am?

President Dean: Don’t play mind games with me, Alice...

Katy Perry: I kissed a girl named Alice, once...but that is not my name. I am called, Katy Perry.

President Dean: Eh?

Katy Perry: You know, the quintessential Teenage Dream. Katy Perry, I performed at last year’s Super Bowl while you were Waking up in Vegas.

President Dean: But...but you look like Alice Knight, if she weren’t ridiculously poor and criminally deragned.

Katy Perry: When it comes to the OCW roster, I’m Wide Awake in regards to its members, past and present. So, yea, I get the comparison...but, I assure you, I’m one of the California Gurls. Here, check me out

~Katy shows Dean her music video for California Gurls. Dean watches~

President Dean: Oh, I see...ohhhhh yeeeaaaaa

Katy Perry: Umm, okay, that’s enough. I can see the Fireworks going off in your mind...

President Dean: Why don’t you sit next to me, watch this Submissions Match we’ve got coming up next, those usually last a long while...

~Dean looks Katy up and down~

Katy Perry: I appreciate it, but I’m going to pass. It was nice to meet you, I’m going to walk around backstage for awhile.

President Dean: Don’t be a stranger!

~Katy exits Dean’s office as we cut back to ringside. Hood is staring at his empty, stained Fried Snicker wrapper~

Smith: Katy Perry is here...the celebrities have really shown up, full force tonight!

Hood: Ugh...

Smith: Not a fan of her music?

Hood: Not that...it’s the Fried Snickers. It’s...not what I hoped it would be...I feel like I swallowed something unholy. Seriously, you would think a snickers fried in glorious butter sauce or whatever that shit was would taste good...but, holy shit, you’d be wrong.

Smith: Well, just hold it together, we’ve only got two matches left.

Hood: Fuck, alright, let’s do this

Smith: Well, folks, I’m not sure what that Katy Perry bit had to do with tonight’s show...maybe just filler...but, hey, she’s good to look at.

Hood: Yea she is!

Smith: Anyway, it’s time for the Paradigm Title Match...A Submissions Match featuring Dangerous Dan defending against PerZag and Ricky Rhodes!

Hood: Should be rad

Smith: Let’s head down to ringside!

~The rowdy crowd is getting drunker by the minute and chanting “Katy!” in hopes that she might mingle with them. Belvedere is in the ring, with the mic in his hand~

OCW Paradigm Championship
Submission Match
Dangerous Dan (c) (15 pts) vs. PerZag (14 pts) vs. Ricky Rhodes (9 pts)

~The lights in the streets go out. All that is seen is a small glow of light from the entrance ramp. ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ by Survivor starts to play over the PA system. A hooded figure walks on to the entrance ramp. The lights come back on as the hooded figure stands still on the stage. The hooded figure walks down to the ring slowly. He gets into the ring and stands in the centre of it. He slowly removes the hood and the crowd gives a mixed reaction to him. 'Eye Of The Tiger' by Survivor stops playing as PerZag walks over to a corner in the ring and crouches down near it~

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a Submissions Match for the OCW Paradigm Championship!! Introducing first, from Benalla, Victoria, Australia...standing 6’5 and weighing in at 216lbs...PerZag!!!

~As “Public Enemy Number one” starts to play out Ricky Rhodes makes his way to the entrance swagger only money can seem to grant. Pulling out a wad of bills from his pants pocket he starts to make his way down to ringside showing off bills to the fans as if it was a charitable notion waiting to happen, but instead of throwing them out he yanks them back taunting them. Making it clear that the only way for the fans to see such money is if someone like HIM holds it for them since they will never earn or make such sums. A few of the street hard Compton-ites reach for guns and knives. They are subdued by cops~

Belvedere: Introducing next, from Santa Clara, California....standing 6’1 and weighing in at 217lbs...Ricky Rhodes!!

~”Don’t Stop” by Foster the People hits as Dan rushes down the street with fans giving him a mixed reaction. He has the Paradigm Title strapped tightly around his waist. He slides into the ring and climbs to a top turnbuckle where he poses for the fans lining the streets. The reaction continues to be mixed~

Belvedere: And their opponent...from Smithville, Tennessee...standing 5’11 and weighing in at 225lbs...he is the OCW Paradigm Champion...Dangerous Dan!!!

~The bell sounds as Belvedere takes the title from Scruff, who obtained it from Dan and he exits the ring. All three competitors hang back in their corners, eyeing one another, waiting for someone to make the first move~

Smith: These matches are typically grueling as you have to systematically tear your opponent apart before earning a submission.

Hood: Where is that fucking barista?

Smith: Who?

Hood: I ordered a shit ton of coffee...we’re gonna need it, Smithereens

Smith: Make mine a Macchiato!

Hood: Umm, no, you’ll take it black and you’ll fucking like it!

~An empty 40 flies into view, nailing PerZag in the head. He turns around, angrily. As he does, Rhodes rushes in and clips him in the back of the right knee!! PerZag stumbles into the ropes, clutching his knee in pain. Rhodes hops to his feet and clubs PerZag in the back with forearms. PerZag falls to his knees as Rhodes kicks him in that right knee several times. PerZag’s body falls through the ropes, landing on the dirty, fucked up street surface. Dan blurs into view, hitting Rhodes with a forearm into the side of the head. Rhodes slams into the corner. Dan kicks him in the gut several times before hooking him and tossing Rhodes into the middle of the ring with a hip toss~

Smith: And we’re under way as the crafty, highly intelligent Ricky Rhodes went right after PerZag’s Right Knee.

Hood: Yes and the retarded, act before you think Dangerous Dan just kind of hit Rhodes with forearms or some shit.

Smith: Hey, he may apply an abdominal stretch or maybe a Boston Crab.

Hood: Nah, guy will probably work the neck over the entire match and then try to win with a Figure Four.

Smith: He is MUCH smarter than that!

~Dan hops onto the middle buckle. Rhodes returns to his feet and turns around...Dan leaps off and he nails Rhodes with a spinning wheel kick! Rhodes falls back. Dan nips to his feet and he obtains both legs of Rhodes. He lifts them up and yanks them apart! Rhodes grabs his groin area, rolling around in pain. On his stomach, Rhodes feels a sharp kick into the kidney. He reaches back, grabbing the area in pain. Dan stands over Rhodes and drops into a seated position, slamming his ass into the lower back of Rhodes...he then quickly applies a camel clutch as Rhodes frantically feels around for the ropes~

Smith: Coffee has yet to arrive and this one could be over!

Hood: Haha, how naive of you

Smith: True, I may not like Ricky Rhodes, but the man is no easy opponent

Hood: Plus, I don’t think anyone has given up to a camel clutch in, like, twenty years...not a competitor anyways. Fans may quit after seeing it applied in a match...

Smith: It is a classic move!

Hood: Classic is just a word people use for something that is outdated and boring

~Rhodes can’t reach the ropes, so he takes an alternate route. He powers up, onto all fours with Dan fighting to get him back onto the mat. Rhodes reaches his feet, holding onto Dan’s legs as Dan is attached on his back. Rhodes then backs Dan into a corner, squishing him. Dan releases and stands in the corner, wincing. Rhodes steps out a few feet before thrusting back with a mule kick into Dan’s gut! Dan staggers forward, Rhodes drops him with a double arm DDT into the mat~

Smith: Nice series of moves by Ricky Rhodes...a bit early to try a submission, you were correct

Hood: No shit, people just don’t submit a minute into a match...well, Dangerous Dan might...explains why he thought that would work.

Smith: Stop it...don’t pick on Dan!

Hood: I will pick on him all...oh, hey! The coffee has arrived!

~PerZag climbs onto the apron with Rhodes stomping on Dan. PerZag leaps up and balances on the top rope. He jumps off and drills Rhodes in the back of the head with a flying forearm!!! Rhodes falls into the ropes, goes through them and lands awkwardly on his head and shoulder, grabbing his right shoulder in pain. PerZag hops to his feet and he picks Dan up, whipping him into the nearest corner. PerZag rushes in and spears Dan!! PerZag steps back as Dan staggers toward him. PerZag hooks Dan and tosses him over his head with a belly to belly suplex!! Dan lands hard and arches his back in pain~

Smith: PerZag with a nice series of his own...meanwhile Ricky Rhodes might have injured his shoulder.

Hood: Mmmm...mmmm! This is some strong shit...here, have a cup.

Smith: No, I don’t want one!

Hood: Take it!

Smith: Hood, stop!

Voice: AHHHH!!!

Hood: Now look what you’ve done!

Smith: I’m so sorry, camera man...

Hood: His face is burnt for LIFE now...and, unlike Supreme Machine who is, like, massive and wears a mask...that guy is going to be a lonely freak for the rest of his days.

Smith: I’m sure we have insurance or...

Hood: ....

Smith: Yea, you’re right...I’m REALLY sorry, Camera guy

~PerZag pulls Dan to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Dan bounces off and PerZag lifts a knee into Dan’s gut!! Dan flips over, grabbing his midsection in pain. PerZag pulls him up and applies and Abdominal Stretch as Dan grimaces. PerZag rears back, applying as much pressure as possible~

Hood: There’s that gay ass Abdominal Stretch you were talking about

Smith: And look how deep it BURNS

Hood: Looks rather pedestrian to me

Smith: It is LITERALLY tearing his innards apart!

Hood: Stop being so fucking dramatic

Smith: Alright

~Rhodes slides in behind PerZag and he delivers a Superkick to the back of Zag’s head!! Zag stumbles forward, through the ropes and to the outside. Dan falls to his knees, holding his abs. Rhodes places his knees behind the head of Dan and he falls back, delivering a modified Back Stabber to the back of Dan’s head!! Dan holds his head in pain, rolling around. Rhodes rushes back to his feet and he jumps up and drops a foot right into the face of Dan!!! Dan’s body goes fairly limp as the impact was pretty rough~

Smith: Yeouch

Hood: If a bug is annoying you, you stomp the mother fucker out!

Smith: Yea, that was pretty flush and violent

Hood: See? You can have violence in a Submissions match

~Rhodes yanks Dan to his feet and he drags him into a nearby corner...he sits him, atop the highest buckle. He hooks his arms around the left knee of Dan and delivers a Dragon Screw from the top!! Dan falls to the mat, clutching his knee in pain! Rhodes stomps away at the left knee of Dan as Dan rolls near the ropes, trying to protect himself~

Smith: Perhaps the smartest wrestler in OCW...Ricky Rhodes is methodical in his approach this evening...going after joints and ligaments.

Hood: I mean, I guess you could call him smart...but you would think approaching a match with a fucking winning strategy or plan would be common sense.

Smith: Common Sense is not Common Place in OCW

Hood: Never has been, good point

~Rhodes grabs the left leg of Dan and lays it across the bottom rope. He jumps up and drills a kick into the knee!! Dan grabs it and rolls into the corner, in the fetal position, holding his left knee, facing the bottom buckle. Rhodes stands over him, looking down. He violent falls forward, slamming his chest into the top turnbuckle. Behind him is PerZag, who just delivered a running knee. Rhodes staggers backwards, toward Zag who hooks him, lifts him up and drills him into the mat with a German Suplex!! Rhodes grabs his injured shoulder and crawls for the nearest corner~

Smith: And now PerZag is showing a form of strategy!

Hood: Really? I mean, it seems as though he just sort of lucked into that one. Didn’t Rhodes just FALL onto his shoulder and then walk into that suplex?

Smith: Doesn’t matter how you get there, I suppose, just as long as you arrive.

Hood: Oh it so does matter how you get there. Just ask those weirdos who drive places when they can fly...it’s fucking traumatizing.

Smith: Hey! I like to drive, it’s very scenic.

Hood: Like I said...weirdos.

~Zag runs in and he knees Rhodes in the face! Zag hops through the ropes and grabs Rhodes injured arm. Rhodes tries to fight away, but Zag holds on and pulls back as far as he can, stretching Rhodes arm behind him, against the ring post. Dan reaches his feet, inside the ring, limping around a bit. He spots what’s going on in the corner and heads that way. He jams his foot into the throat of Rhodes and applies pressure~

Smith: Both Dan and PerZag are focusing their energies on Ricky Rhodes!

Hood: Well that’s not fair

Smith: it’s well within the rules

Hood: Ya know, guy flashes a little cash and he suddenly becomes public enemy number one!

Smith: More like ‘flaunts’ but that’s not the reason...I think the reason lies solely with winning the Paradigm Championship.

Hood: Nah, it’s because they are jealous

~Dan relinquishes the foot-choke as Zag cranks back violently, one last time, before releasing as well. Rhodes slouches into the corner, pulling his left arm back in and holding it close. Dan steps back, measuring Rhodes up. The sounds of a helicopter flying overheard corrupt the atmosphere. Dan pays no attention as he rushes in and throws his body, in a cross body motion, into Rhodes. Zag pulls Dan out by the feet and the two begin brawling on the street surrounding the ring~

Smith: The hazards of holding an event outside...

Hood: Shit flying overhead...man, that chopper sure is close...and, is that something hanging from it?

Smith: It looks like a giant crate or whatever...like what you’d transport an elephant in...

Hood: Man, they are going to fly right over the ring, hope that thing doesn’t land on Rhodes or PerZag.

Smith: OR Dan

~Dan gains the upper hand on Zag by kicking him in the knee. Zag’s leg buckles and Dan grabs him by the head and drops him onto the street with a Swinging Neck Breaker! Dan rolls into the ring and finds a bit of blood on his elbow. A shard of glass from a broken bottle is sticking in his skin, near the elbow. He removes it and flicks it back onto the street. He then spots the chopper with the crate hanging from it. He walks towards the ropes and watches...the chopper comes to a stop as the crate is lowered into the crowd~

Smith: What is going on???

Hood: Did Dean order a menagerie or some shit for this event?

Smith: Pulling out all the stops, I guess

Hood: I just hope that elephant doesn’t like the smell of coffee...if it does, I am OUT of here.

~The crate lands amidst a plethora of hoodlums and other Compton people. The door drops open and BIFFORD emerges!!! The crowd doesn’t know how to react. Bifford is wearing his magical fleece and super stretch pants. His hair flows in the California breeze, as does his beard. He stands, with his fists atop his hips as the crate is lifted back into the heavens and the chopper flies away~

Smith: Oh please...

Hood: It’s Dangerous Dan’s nemesis...The Big Bifford!

Smith: Get him out of here!!!

Hood: Look at the presence, Smith! Look at the aura surrounding that man...he is a TRUE legend...a Paradigm of Charisma!

Smith: Stop it

~Bifford reaches into his magical fleece and unearths...HIS MIGHTY SCYTHE!!! The crowd around him cheers, not really understanding what is taking place. Dan covers his eyes and shakes his head, beyond frustrated. Biff swings the Scythe around, cutting several crowd members in half. Screams emanate as Biff heads to the ring, pointing his MIGHTY Scythe at Dan~

Smith: The Paradigm Championship is supposed to be a PURE entity of professional wrestling. Meant for in ring technicians and serious competitors...so, naturally, here in OCW, during a Submissions Match for the Paradigm Championship...we have a 500lb man who was air lifted inside an animal crate via helicopter carrying a Scythe to the ring after murdering 10 or so innocent fans.

Hood: As if that isn’t ridiculous enough...Dangerous Dan is in the ring!

Smith: That’s enough!

~Dan yells at Biff to leave. Biff slings the MIGHTY Scythe at Dan, it narrowly misses. He backs away into the middle of the ring. Biff rolls into the ring and struggles to his feet, lifting the Scythe high. The crowd cheers. Dan looks at Scruff, Scruff shrugs. Dan looks at Belvedere, who appears powerless. Dan, again, yells at Biff to leave. Biff slings the MIGHTY Scythe once again, this time, it gashes Dan in the bicep. His muscle has been torn open and blood spills to the mat. He clutches his arm and looks at the damage, the danger becomes very real in his eyes~

Smith: Yea, Dan, that thing can kill you

Hood: And the man holding it won’t hesitate.

Smith: Sadly, he will not

~Dan hops over the top rope and runs through the crowd. Biff rolls out of the ring and walks after Dan, holding his Scythe, in pursuit. The crowd parts, wide...giving Biff and his weapon plenty of room...Dan vanishes behind some buildings in the background with Biff giving chase and disappearing himself. We focus back on the ring~

Smith: Bifford has just RUINED this match

Hood: Calm down, Smith, there are still two other, way cooler guys left

Smith: But Dan is the champion...this isn’t FAIR

Hood: Hey, if Dan doesn’t like it, maybe he should have been nicer to Biff in the past.

Smith: What are you talking about? Bifford has bullied Dan since the first day he saw him

Hood: See, it only took Biff five minutes to realize how evil Dan is...why haven’t YOU wised up yet?

Smith: Whatever

~Zag, recovered from the Swinging Neck Breaker, rolls back into the ring to find Rhodes holding his shoulder, leaning against the ropes. Zag lines his leg up and goes to kick Rhodes in the back of the knee. Rhodes, however, senses Zag coming and he jumps in the air...PerZag’s kick misses and the momentum sends him flying into the air, feet first, landing on his shoulders, into the mat! Rhodes works his shoulder back and forth before putting some boots into the body of PerZag~

Smith: That shoulder of Rhodes is in pretty bad shape

Hood: Yea? Well PerZag’s knee is kind of hurt

Smith: Kind of isn’t nearly as bad as...pretty bad

Hood: Yea, but it’s closer to pretty bad than severe.

Smith: This is the dumbest dialogue ever

~Rhodes yanks Zag to his feet with his good, right arm. He whips Zag into a corner, Zag hits hard. Rhodes walks forward and climbs to the middle rope. He starts peppering Zag with right hands. Zag, instead of blocking them, reaches up and snares the left arm of Rhodes and yanks down!! Rhodes falls to the mat and he grabs his left arm in pain, rolling around as Zag remains in the corner for awhile, catching his breath~

Smith: Smart move by the cerebral PerZag...that guy was born for this business.

Hood: Yea, now all he has to do is make Ricky Rhodes quit.

Smith: That is the gist of it, Hood

Hood: I once knew a girl named Sierra Gist...never quite understood her.

Smith: Hood...that was REALLY bad

Hood: Yea, I know

~Zag ascends to the middle rope and perches himself there, watching Rhodes. Rhodes reaches his feet, clutching his left arm. He turns around and Zag leaps off, he hooks the head of Rhodes and drills him into the mat with a Tornado DDT!! Rhodes slides across the mat and moves around, groggily. Zag hops up and heads over to Rhodes, who is on his belly, staring at the mat. Zag snares the left arm of Rhodes while pinning his right arm to the mat. He rears back, looking to potentially break the arm of Ricky Rhodes~

Smith: Don’t do it, PerZag!

Hood: Really?

Smith: Yes, he’s going to maim him, Hood!

Hood: Like a Baker’s Dozen worth of people were just needlessly murdered and you’re freaking out over a broken arm?

Smith: A baker’s dozen?

Hood: Yes, a Baker’s Freakin Dozen

~Zag yanks back, snapping the arm of Rhodes!! Rhodes grabs his left arm in pain and kicks his feet wildly as Scruff rushes in with medics running to the ring and Belvedere standing by. They all ask Rhodes if he wants to quit. He’s in so much pain, he fails to respond, simply working on trying to minimize what he’s experiencing. PerZag stands by, watching for the time being~

Smith: He should give it up...it’s just ONE match, not worth ending a promising career over.

Hood: You would want him to give up, wouldn’t you...you fucking quitter!

Smith: Only thing I’ve ever quitted in my life was Crocheting and, well, I had my reasons

Hood: How about that time you used that safe word in that dark club you told me about

Smith: Well, that’s different

~Rhodes reaches his feet as a doctor looks at his arm. He turns and tells Rhodes “It’s broken”. Rhodes shoves everyone away and yells out “I’m not quitting!” The fans surrounding the ring give the heel a good ovation, admiring his toughness. Everyone exits the ring aside from Scruff. PerZag, showing no mercy, rushes in and begins kneeing Rhodes in the gut, repeatedly. Rhodes falls into the nearest corner, doing everything he can to protect his arm and gut at the same time~

Smith: I don’t like him but I admire his tenacity

Hood: He’ll be fine, one legged wrestlers are never out of a job

Smith: Yea?

Hood: Yea man, freak shows draw

Smith: ENOUGH

~Zag reaches for the left arm. Rhodes does everything he can to keep it away. Zag finally grabs the left hand. Rhodes responds by thumbing Zag in the eye! Zag staggers back, holding his face and relinquishing his grip on the arm. Rhodes lunges forward and superkicks Zag under the chin!! Zag falls onto the mat, with a dazed look in his eyes. Rhodes rushes in and, using his good arm, he quickly applies a Figure Four onto the wounded leg of PerZag! PerZag yells in pain as Scruff rushes in, checking on PerZag~

Smith: Quick turnabout...if Ricky Rhodes were to win it here...that’d be the most amazing turnaround I can remember seeing.

Hood: Benalla would be devastated.

Smith: You think?

Hood: Yes and their economy would crash, sending the place into a deep depression...PerZag is their most popular export!

Smith: He’s a person

Hood: Yes, but an export also...kind of like Trump. There are buildings throughout Benalla with “PerZag” or a golden “P” on them.

Smith: I...I’d have to see that to believe it

~Using great strength in his right arm, Rhodes lifts his torso off the mat, applying as much pressure as possible onto the knee of PerZag. Scruff asks Zag if he wants to quit, he declines. With his face contorted to display writhing pain, Zag hurls his body to the right, attempting to flip the position. As he does, Rhodes left shoulder and arm slams into the mat. He instantly grabs his left arm and releases the hold~

Smith: PerZag was simply trying to reverse the Figure Four but, instead, wound up inflicting more damage into Rhodes broken arm.

Hood: Wrestling with a broken arm is tough, I’d imagine

Smith: I would tend to agree with you there

Hood: Especially in a Submission match when people are pulling on stuff...the only part of a man that feels good to be tugged on repeatedly is...

Smith: BACK TO THE MATCH

~Rhodes stumbles to his feet and into a corner, clutching his left arm. Zag reaches his feet and he stretches out his weakened Right Knee. He looks over at Rhodes and charges in, going for a left knee lift into the chin of Rhodes. Rhodes moves are Zag’s momentum nearly sends him over the top turnbuckle, to the outside. Instead, he is left lying across the top buckle, face down. Rhodes begins kicking him in the stomach with each kick sending Zag higher into the air. With the final kick, Zag flies into the air and his legs come down, first, to the mat. His Right Knee buckles a bit...Rhodes kicks him in the back of it. Zag lifts it off the mat, holding it in pain. Rhodes grabs it and he lifts Zag into the air, by the right leg and he brings him down, slamming the Right Knee of PerZag into his positioned thigh! Zag falls to the mat, clutching his leg in pain~

Smith: Ricky Rhodes is further weakening the knee of PerZag...if he applies that Figure Four again, he might get a submission.

Hood: What’s worse, a broken arm or torn knee?

Smith: Knee, probably, removes your base.

Hood: True...plus, Rhodes is a bad guy, so it’s not like he’s going to miss high fiving any fans with his injured arm.

Smith: Why would that matter, even if he weren’t a bad guy...you don’t think he’d have enough sense to high five people with his right arm?

Hood: Everyone knows it’s standard procedure to high five with your left arm after the match, c’mon, Smith

Smith: I have never heard that in my life

~Rhodes returns to his feet and he grabs both legs belonging to PerZag. He flips Zag onto his back and lifts up the tender, Right leg. Rhodes holds the leg in place with his right hand and begins kicking away at the interior portion of the knee. Zag tries sliding to the ropes, but Rhodes holds him in place, throwing kick after kick into the knee. Finally, Rhodes tires enough to let Zag go who drags his limp leg near the ropes. Overwrought with pain, Zag is barely paying attention...this allows Rhodes the opportunity to rush in and land a kick into Zag’s face, knocking him near unconscious. His body hangs over the bottom rope, half inside the ring, half out~

Smith: Vicious assault by Ricky Rhodes who...with Dangerous Dan’s sudden disappearance appears to have this match well in hand.

Hood: PerZag is in trouble, I know that...might be time to short the Benalla market!

Smith: Do they even have a market to short?

Hood: Yea, it’s a flea market, but still

Smith: Oh Please!

~Rhodes pulls Zag back into the ring and stands him up. He grabs Zag, using his right hand, into the nearest corner and, along with his right hand, places his head and shoulders under Zag’s legs and lifts him up onto the top rope. Rhodes climbs up there with Zag and sits next to him. He gently shoves PerZag off the top buckle as he slides to the side, about to tumble to the hard street on the outside. Rhodes holds onto Zag’s right leg, though and quickly applies a Figure Four! Rhodes falls back toward the ring and hangs, upside down, with his head a foot or so from the mat. Zag hangs with his head near the apron, on the outside. Their legs are locked, draped over the top rope with pressure applied on both men, more so onto the Right knee of PerZag~

Smith: That looks...painful.

Hood: Hey, no pain, no gain.

Smith: Predictable platitude, Hood

Hood: Did you just fucking call me a platypus?!

~Zag yells out in pain as he clutches his knee, holding it in place. The knee seems to be in danger of dislocating and tearing all the ligaments surrounding it. He looks at the ref, almost for help. Scruff reminds Zag the only way he can help is if Zag gives up. Zag shakes his head ‘no’ willing to endure. Rhodes, meanwhile, is in pain as well, with his legs receiving a great deal of stress from the lock. He grimaces, but holds quiet, not willing to give Zag any hope. Scruff looks at both men, awaiting a tap. Neither yield~

Smith: This is insane, both of their legs are going to be ruined

Hood: Yea, but at least one of them has money for surgery

Smith: I’m sure some doctor in Benalla would be willing to work on PerZag’s torn knee, at a reduced fee.

Hood: Yea, if you’re into that Voodoo Witch Doctor bullshit

Smith: What are you talking about?

Hood: You know there aren’t any real doctors in Benzaga or whatever

Smith: Shut it!

~Rhodes sits up, displaying tremendous strength in his abs. He then hurls his body back, which sends waves of pain into PerZag, who responds by yelling in pain. Zag’s hand raises, as if he were ready to tap. Rhodes sees it and smiles. He sits up and again...and, again, he violently throws his torso back. Zag’s hand begins to shake. He brings it down...but stops, just short of the apron. Sweat is pouring from his brow. His eyes are heavy as the pain is beginning to sedate him. Rhodes stares at him, seeing he’s on the brink. He sits up, once more. As he does, utilizing the quick reflexes he’s known for, Zag reaches in with his long arms and he grabs the left arm of Rhodes! He yanks back on it, violently!! Rhodes screams and unlocks the Figure Four, falling to the mat, clutching his left arm in pain. Zag falls roughly to the street, landing on his head and neck. He winds up, on top of his head and shoulders, folded up on the outside as the fans go crazy. Scruff surveys both men and stands by, waiting to see what is going to happen next~

Smith: Now both men are out of it...this is insane...how can either man tap one another out if they are unconscious?

Hood: Maybe one of them is a sleep tapper

Smith: A sleep tapper?

Hood: Yea, you know, a guy who taps in his sleep

Smith: Oh, whatever!

Hood: Here is your winner, via bad dream....Ricky Rhodes!

~Zag rolls to his side, relieving his head and neck of the pressure. He lays there for a moment, before sitting up with his back against the ring steps. He moves his head back and forth, working his neck. He lifts his right leg up, but yells as he does so, finding there to be a considerable amount of damage within. He continues gathering himself when a hand reaches out and grabs a handful of his sweaty, drenched blonde hair. Zag is yanked to his feet as Rhodes pulls him into the ring, through the ropes, using his right hand. Zag, standing in the ring, hops on his left foot, keeping the pressure off his damaged leg. Rhodes swiftly kicks Zag in his Right knee...Zag falls to the mat, clutching it in pain~

Smith: I guess the leg is mightier than the arm...and, when that goes, you’re in trouble.

Hood: So legs are pens?

Smith: And swords appear to be arms

Hood: What the fuck, I’m so lost with this analogy

Smith: As am I...back to the match!

~Rhodes positions Zag to a standing position. Zag wobbles, mostly on his left leg, with his right leg bent at the knee, keeping the pressure off. Rhodes runs into the ropes, bounces off and storms at Zag. Zag, out of nowhere, delivers a DEEP arm drag onto the left arm of Rhodes!! Rhodes yells out in pain as Zag flips him over and applies a DEEP arm bar onto his left arm. Rhodes yells, “No! No!” The pain is horrendous, he wiggles and writhes but can’t move an inch, the ropes are so far away. The crowd can sense it, they start cheering “Per-Zag!” over and over. Scruff positions, looking at Ricky with his hand ready to signal for the bell while the medics are on standby~

Smith: It’s only a matter of time...Ricky Rhodes got caught and now he’s going to have to quit or, possibly lose an arm.

Hood: There go his dreams of being ambidextrous one day.

Smith: Sadly, you are correct

~Rhodes lifts his right arm up, readying to tap. A reaction emanates from the crowd as Dangerous Dan is rushing back to the ring. He’s bloody and gashed up from an apparent MIGHTY Scythe attack. He jumps up on the guardrail and leaps onto the ring apron. He then jumps up onto the top rope, springboards and he DRILLS Zag in the face with a Shining Wizard!!! Zag falls back, releasing Rhodes arm. Both Zag and Rhodes are laid out in the middle of the ring with Dan staggering over them, bleeding from all sorts of places. The fans break out a “Dan! Dan!” chant~

Smith: Dangerous Dan has returned...a little worse for wear but, still, he’s back!

Hood: Holy shit, Biff carved his ass up...speaking of, where is Biff?

Smith: I haven’t a clue...you’d think he’d be hard to lose.

Hood: Hey, all the girls say he’s pretty spry for a fat guy.

Smith: Give it to me, baby!

Hood: Fuck no, I ain’t giving you shit!

~Dan lifts Rhodes to his feet...he kicks him in the gut and drops him with a Twist of Fate!! Rhodes lands hard and is flat on his back. Instinctively, he reaches to protect his left arm. Dan spots the weakness and goes after it. Zag leaps onto Dan’s back and applies a Sleeper Hold. Dan stands upright and falls back, squashing Zag into the mat. Zag lets go and rolls around, with his right knee bent. Dan notices that, as well and decides to go after it. He flips Zag over and quickly applies a Sharpshooter!! He turns Zag over and cranks back as Zag screams in pain. Scruff slides in, looking for the submission~

Smith: This is it!! Look how deep Dan has that locked in...Zag is going to give it up, only a matter of time!

Hood: Fucking Dan...all gashed and bloody...no way he should win this match, I mean, look at that giant gash along his left shoulder blade.

Smith: Yea, it’s pretty nasty and obvious

Hood: Fuck yea it is...maybe a spider will climb into it or something

Smith: Ew!

~Zag reaches back with his arms...he grabs onto Dan’s hair and pulls Dan backwards. While hurting Dan, this also increases the torque in Dan’s hold, putting more pressure onto Zag’s legs. Zag’s face shows the pain he’s feeling. His grip weakens on Dan’s hair as his hand falls a bit...it finds the gash in Dan’s shoulder. He digs into the gash and starts to rip at it as Dan’s eyes widen~

Smith: Uh oh

Hood: There ya go, PerZag!

Smith: Yea, Dan is certainly feeling that

Hood: Well, no shit

~The skin begins to rip open as Zag digs into the gash with no concern or care, as though he were primeval or something. Rhodes pulls himself up by the ropes, using his Right arm. He sees Zag ripping the gash on Dan’s shoulder open. Blood starts to flow, heavily. Dan looks down and frowns. Zag rips some more, it becomes dangerously open as Dan, while holding the Sharpshooter, starts to tap on Zag’s leg!!~

Smith: He’s tapping!

Hood: Scruff hasn’t seen it yet!

Smith: End this match, before Dan get’s skinned alive!

~Rhodes, seeing the tap, stands up and rushes toward them. Scruff trips over PerZag, because, well, Scruff is bad at his job. In doing so, he sees Dan tapping and instantly calls for the bell. Seconds after the bell rings, Rhodes drills Dan with a Superkick!! Dan releases the sharpshooter and falls to the side as PerZag releases his grip into Dan’s wound~

Belvedere: Here is your winner...AND THE NEW PARADIGM CHAMPION...PERZAG!!!!!

Smith: He did it! PerZag is the Paradigm Champion!

Hood: Fuck! Rhodes was, like, so close!

Smith: They all were...you have to wonder, had it not been for Biff and the Scythe...would Dan have won this match...

Hood: I never entertain scenarios featuring a successful Dan.

Smith: Well, I do!

~A slew of medics pile into the ring. They tend to Rhodes arm, Dan’s shoulder, and PerZag’s knee. PerZag, while having his knee tended to and sitting on the mat, holds his belt up in victory as the Compton crowd responds with cheers and several hearty “Fucks.”~

Smith: Well, folks, that was a tremendous and...I guess unique would be the best way to describe it...a tremendously unique submissions match.

Hood: Best submissions match I’ve ever seen.

Smith: I find it hard to believe that when Dean created the Paradigm division he envisioned what we just witnessed.

Hood: That’s because you have no vision.

Smith: Right, anyway...you have to figure big things await PerZag...that was a momentous victory over two incredible performers.

Hood: You would think

Smith: Indeed! Let’s head backstage for, hopefully, something relevant.

~Backstage, Katy Perry is seen standing in front of Scott Syren’s dressing room. A loud ovation is heard from the Compton people as she bites down on a finger nail and stares at the ground. She starts to turn away~

Katy Perry: I...I can’t do this...

~She turns, about to head off...but something stops her. She mulls things over for a bit. She stands back in front of the door, raises her fist and knocks three, loud times. The door opens~

Scott Syren: Well hello

~Syren is standing in front of her, wearing a t-shirt and nothing else. Katy glances him over before speaking~

Katy Perry: We need to talk, it’s about that night...you know, nine months ago...

~Syren’s eyes widen, his dick possibly hardens, we can’t really tell due to the camera angle. He steps aside as Katy walks into his dressing room. We cut to the Gorilla position as Dean is looking at his hair in the mirror. Behind him stands Jones~

Jones: Everything okay?

President Dean: Everything is great, sucka! I’m about to head out there and make a GRAND announcement!

Jones: Great, feels like it’s been forever since we heard anything about what’s coming next.

President Dean: Time doth fly when your story is ignored for, well, the better part of a year...sucka.

Jones: Uh Huh...glad to see you’re in a good mood and have, apparently, resolved all your issues.

President Dean: Sucka...life couldn’t be ANY better...hit my music!

~Dean yells at the tech handling the music cues. “Voodoo Child” by Jimi Hendrix begins to play as Dean steps through the curtain and into the streets of Compton. We cut to the ringside area as Dean is sauntering to the ring with a very haughty demeanor. “Dean!” chants are filling the nighttime atmosphere as the fans are greatly appreciative of him bringing the show to their town. Dean steps onto the apron, through the ropes and he climbs a turnbuckle. For old time’s sake, he raises the roof for a moment as some of the crowd goes along with it...most, though, see it as a lame, 90s pop culture reference that was never all that cool to begin with. He hops down, grabs a mic and begins speaking~

President Dean: What’s up COMPTON!!!

~A loud ovation follows~

President Dean: That’s what I thought...man it’s been a great 2015...kinda feels like 2016, to be honest...but, hey, as you get older the years just blend together, right?

~A “We Want Katy” chant breaks out. Dean listens for a moment before responding~

President Dean: I don’t know who that is...but Alice Knight is backstage, maybe I can give her a roll of quarters and she’ll come out here and take her clothes off for all you homies.

~”HOORAY!” is shouted and “WE WANT TITS” follows. Dean smiles, shushing them down a bit~

President Dean: In all seriousness...I just wanted to thank you guys for showing out tonight, this has been a tremendous event and a huge part of that has been you guys. So...I wanted to announce that next year, we will return to Compton for Hood Rich 2: Back 2 Tha Hood!

~ “Fuck Yes!” is chanted as forty ounce bottles and marijuana residue fly into the air. Dean smiles and continues~

President Dean: Sweet reaction there. I’d also like to announce that next month, OCW will be bringing an event so ground breaking it will take an extra several thousand feet to bring it to you. Our next event, from the mountains of Aspen will be called VERTIGO!

~ A “Jimmy Stewart” chant surprisingly breaks out~

President Dean: Fuck, that’s unexpected. But...yea, this event will take place outside, in the freezing temperatures of Aspen Colorado, amidst their mountains. More will be explained...like how the wrestlers are not going to DIE due to hypothermia, in the following days. Just, rest assured, this event will be fucking awesome.

~The fans give Dean a standing ovation, followed by an “OCW 4 EVER!” chant. Dean smiles and waves at the crowd~

President Dean: Thanks, suckas, you guys are the best.

~”Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffet begins to play as the crowd instinctively boos. Dean turns to the entrance ramp as former OCW owner, Jimmy Buffet, along with a couple of snide looking attorneys march to the ring. Buffet, wearing beach attire and shades, is smiling a cocky smile with his old man, gray hair flying in the breeze. They enter the ring and stare at Dean. Dean steps up to Buffet, about to nail him. An attorney slaps some papers into Dean’s chest, stopping him from the beat down. Dean looks down as Buffet takes Dean’s mic away~

Jimmy Buffet: Hello, Dean. It is, I...your arch nemesis...JIMMY BUFFET.

~Dean snaps his fingers, Belvedere hurls a mic into the ring. Dean catches it and responds~

President Dean: Hello, Jimmy. Nice hair.

Jimmy Buffet: Mock me all you want, you commie bastard, but your days as a wrestling promoter are over!

President Dean: Oh yea, and how do you figure that, old man?

Jimmy Buffet: You don’t know, do you...you nazi sympathizer. That lawsuit, that entire rigmarole you chose to ignore...well, it’s come back to bite you in the ass. I never forgave what you did to me at Clash at the Coast...NEVER.

President Dean: That’s an interesting story, shrimp man. But I’m not buying it, not even for that roll of quarters I was going to toss at Alice.

~Buffet nods at his attorney who tells Dean to look at the documents~

Jimmy Buffet: You see, Dean, we’ve been working on a lawsuit against you for over a year now. It cites all kinds of issues...hazardous work environment, basically zero HR, sexual harassment, insufficient insurance, animal cruelty, phony write offs, objectification of women...and men, hazardous materials exposed to the public, favoritism shown toward select employees...and, well, the list goes on and on.

President Dean: Assuming any of that were true...you’d need witnesses and signatures to even get this shit off the ground.

Jimmy Buffet: Oh, we’ve got more than enough of those. Names of the people you’ve wronged throughout the years...check it out.

~Buffet lets go of the end of a scroll, featuring names. It rolls across the mat, out of the ring, into the crowd and just keeps rolling and rolling and rolling~

President Dean: Okay, you’ve made your point...when’s the hearing?

Jimmy Buffet: A few months ago

President Dean: What? How is that possible? Shouldn’t I have to be present or something?

Jimmy Buffet: You were notified and chose to no show...therefore we won a default judgment and the court saw me as the rightful owner of OCW.

~Dean reads the legal document in his hands as the crowd boos. Sorrow falls over his face as it appears to be true~

Jimmy Buffet: And, my firs tact as OCW Owner is...

President Dean: Wait one minute, Buffet. Who originated this lawsuit...who’s the person that took me down...can you at least name his name?

Jimmy Buffet: Sure, why the hell not. The man who got this off the ground and, without whom this would have never been possible is...

President Dean: Siilverfreak? Josh Allen? Danny B? Treat Cassidy? Kenshin Takamura? Brianna Casablancas? Ian Bishop? Tell me, Buffet...tell me!! Who was it??

~Buffet leans in, staring intently into Dean’s eyes~

Jimmy Buffet: SCOOT TIME!

~Dean’s mouth falls open with shock as the fans respond likewise. For the first time, a hush silences the drunk, stoned, inebriated people of Compton~

Jimmy Buffet: That’s right, Dean...your lovable fuck up, Scoot Time is the one who brought you down. I don’t know...maybe if he had only broken his neck 4 times during OCW programming instead of 5, he might not have done this. Maybe if you hadn’t provided a faux pas celebration for his first victory when he accidentally eliminated someone in the Apocalypse Now Rumble this could have been avoided. Maybe if you didn’t force him to participate in a WHACK OFF match with Scott Syren, this would have never seen the light of day. MAYBE if you hadn’t SOLD him into SLAVERY to Scott Syren, this would not have crossed his mind.

~Buffet cracks a smile~

Jimmy Buffet: Ya know, come to think of it, Dean...it’s a shock this didn’t happen sooner. Mr. Time has incredible patience.

President Dean: Oh yea? Well your music SUCKS

~Buffet becomes enraged, lunging at Dean. Police rush into the ring, separating the two. Buffet’s face is flushed red as he’s breathing heavily~

Jimmy Buffet: Officers, ARREST THAT HEATHEN!

~They move to place some cuffs around Dean’s wrist~

Jimmy Buffet: While you’re being cuffed, Dean, I figured you’d enjoy this. As my FIRST act as OCW owner I hereby announce that, effective IMMEDIATELY...OCW is CLOSED!!!

~The crowd boos and threatens to riot. Buffet looks around, a bit nervously, upon seeing the people in the crowd~

Jimmy Buffet: These people are nothing like my parrot heads. Officers, cuff him and let’s get out of here!

~The steel is wrapped around Dean’s left wrist. He turns his head to the side, as though he’s becoming emotional. He then whips his head around, wearing his black mask and red mustache. The cops are startled...they take the mic from Buffet l~

Cop: Who...who are you?

Not President Dean: I am NOT President Dean...why are you apprehending me?

Cop: We...we thought we were apprehending President Dean. He was here just a moment ago...did you happen to see where he went?

Not President Dean: I most certainly did not...here I am enjoying the greatest wrestling show in the history of everything and you just put the cuffs on me? I should sue!

~They promptly remove the cuff from around Not President Dean’s left wrist and apologize profusely. Buffet steps in, yanking the mic from the cop. Not President Dean eyes Buffet nervously~

Jimmy Buffet: This is unbelievable!! Did you happen to see where he scurried off to??

~Not President Dean smiles and releases a sigh of relief~

Not President Dean: I think I saw a fellow high tail it through the crowd.

Jimmy Buffet: Officers, we need to find him as soon as possible...before he gets back to his commie ways.

~The white police officers survey the largely African American crowd~

Cop: Umm, sir, that might take awhile...

Jimmy Buffet: JUST DO IT!

~They rush out of the ring and into the crowd, looking for President Dean. Buffet grabs his nose in frustration as Not President Dean taps him on the shoulder~

Jimmy Buffet: WHAT?

~Buffet turns around and Not President Dean lifts him up and drops him into the ring with an Alabama Slam (The Razorback)!!! The crowd goes wild as he removes his mask and mustache to reveal...PRESIDENT DEAN!!!~

Smith: IT’S PRESIDENT DEAN!

Hood: WHAT A REVELATION!

President Dean: That’s right, suckas! Not President Dean was really ME the entire time!

~The crowd cheers and a few chants of “You fooled us!” break out~

President Dean: I know, I studied disguises in college for half a semester. Never thought they’d actually pay off. Anyway...since Buffet is asleep and the police are busy, it appears as though I have secured an hour or two extension for myself and OCW...so, what do you mother fuckers say...OCW Title Match??

Crowd: FUCK YEA!!!

President Dean: Belvedere, get your ass in here, let’s close this shit out in STYLE

~Dean kicks the lifeless body of Buffet out of the ring, he lands harshly on the street surrounding the ring~

OCW Championship Match
Fans Bring the Weapons Match
Chad Vargas (c) (24 pts) vs. Grenier, Bob (14 pts)

Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen...the following match is the FINAL match in OCW History...it is a Fans Bring the Weapons Match, it is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OCW Championship!!!

~Smart Went Crazy begins echoing throughout the streets of Compton and Bob Grenier makes his way out to a nice ovation. He slaps the hands of his fans while he mouths the words of the song to himself, about half way down the aisle he stops and looks up and throws both hands in the air in tribute to his deceased relatives. He looks directly into the OCW camera and then playfully turns it towards the audience before he slides under the bottom rope. The fans continue to cheer as he sit's on the top turnbuckle silently awaiting his opponent~

Belvedere: Introducing first...from Timmins, Ontario, Canada...standing 6’2 and 222lbs...Grenier...BOB!

~The opening chords of Lynyrd Skynyd’s “Needle and the Spoon” controls the sound system as a voice over shouts ‘King Kong ain’t got shit on me!” as “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas emerges onto the ramp wearing the OCW Title, his arms raised in the air. He is wearing trunks featuring the Confederate Flag, which draws more boos than anything the entire evening...even more than Buffet. He takes a few steps forward as orange, blue, and white pyros blast from behind him. Vargas turns, eyes wide as he smirks reveling in his entrance. He slowly struts down the aisle, mouthing obscenities to the crowd on his way by as they boo him. Once he reaches the ring, he slowly climbs up the steal steps and into the ring. Going to the furthest turnbuckle, he climbs up to the second rung, raises his arms in the air, still mouthing obscentities as he jumps down onto the mat, getting ready to lay down his opponent with his infamous country fried ass whoopin~

Belvedere: And his opponent, from Everclear County, Tennessee...standing 6’4 and weighing in at 245lbs...he is the OCW Champion...The Confederate Icon...CHAD VARGAS!!

~Vargas steps down from the turnbuckle and goes to hand it to Scruff. Scruff reaches for it. Chad immediately shoves Scruff out of the way and sprints towards Grenier, drilling him in the head with the OCW Title!! Grenier tumbles through the ropes, onto the streets of Compton. Vargas ascends to the middle rope and holds his title near his face. He gives it a dramatic kiss before holding it up high. Bottles and trash are thrown at Vargas as the Compton crowd doesn’t seem to be into the Confederate Icon. He steps down and hands the Title to Scruff, who is coming back to reality. Vargas then hops out of the ring as Scruff hands the title to Belvedere...the bell rings~

Smith: Here we go, folks...this is what we’ve been waiting for all evening and...as if this match couldn’t be any bigger, we just got some news making it the biggest match in OCW history.

Hood: Yea, place is fucking closing...I’m on hold right now, breaking the news to my agent.

Smith: I should probably be doing the same

Dean: What’s up, Suckas?!

Smith: President Dean!

Dean: What’s this talk about agents?

Smith: Oh, uhh, err

Hood: We were discussing Men in Black 3

Dean: Heard is sucked

Hood: You heard right

Smith: Here to call the match with us?

Dean: Fuck, might as well, right?

Hood: We are HONORED

Smith: Kiss up

~Vargas yanks Grenier to his feet and stiffs him several times with right hands. Each hit smacks harder than the previous one. Grenier staggers against the ring post. Vargas knees him in the gut. Grenier doubles over...Vargas grabs him by the hair and hurls him, head first into the steps. Grenier hits hard and rolls around the streets of Compton, holding his head in pain. The fans boo as security has been added~

Smith: This is the most security I’ve ever seen at an OCW event...literally one security person every 3 feet lining the crowd.

Hood: It’s wild

Dean: That’s what happens when the Klan meets the Hood

Smith: Dean, do you think we’re safe sitting here?

Dean: Probably not.

Smith: I definitely need to call my agent

~The people of Compton push against the security while yelling insults at Vargas. He ignores them, for the time being, focusing on Grenier. He pulls Grenier to his feet and slams him, face first into the apron. He flips Grenier around where the middle of Grenier’s back is pinned against the edge of the apron. Vargas delivers a backfist into Grenier’s jaw. He staggers towards the post. Vargas shoves Grenier’s shoulder into the post. He falls to his knees, clutching his shoulder in pain~

Smith: Good thing Chad Vargas is composed while enduring the barrage of obscenities. One cross look from him and we could have a riot on our hands.

Hood: Chad Vargas is all about winning, Smith. And, tonight, he’s got one goal in mind...walking out the final OCW Champion.

Dean: Couldn’t have said it better myself...but what really pisses me off is Jimmy Buffet. Can you believe that guy?

Hood: Don’t worry, boss, you were, like, way taller than him.

Smith: I can’t argue that

Dean: Thanks, guys

~Vargas yanks Grenier up yet again and smashes him under the chin with some forearm uppercuts. Grenier staggers into one of the security guards. Vargas delivers a bionic elbow into the forehead of Grenier. He then whips Grenier back into the ring. Grenier rolls under the rope and lays on his back, breathing heavily~

Smith: Chad Vargas in total control early on

Hood: Should come as no surprise

Smith: Indeed, he’s been one step ahead of Grenier their entire careers, it seems.

Dean: Look at him, lying over there, like a loser.

Smith: Whoa, harsh words for Bob Grenier, sir!

Dean: I’m talking about Jimmy Buffet!

Hood: Yea, Smith...get your shit straight!

Smith: Sorry for making the mistake in thinking we were focused on the final match in OCW history.

~Vargas walks over to the crowd and extends his hand. He grimaces and removes his hand, finding a bunch of spit in it. He points at the crowd members, yelling in anger~

Smith: I think the Confederate Icon is a bit short sighted...you see, the fans provide you with the weapons and, if the fans are pissed off, they are likely to offer you nothing of worth.

Hood: How dare that Comptonite sneeze on Mr. Vargas!

Smith: He spat on him

Hood: No he did not, nobody would purposely produce saliva on the OCW Champion!

Smith: This crowd certainly would

Dean: What was that?! Did he MOVE?

Hood: No, sir, Jimmy is still out

Dean: Better stay that way

~Vargas yells at the security guards, they yell back, not wanting him to stir the crowd up to a greater degree. Grenier rolls out from under the bottom rope and he heads over to Vargas. He twirls Vargas around and throws a punch. Vargas blocks it and headbutts Grenier!! Grenier staggers back...Vargas reaches into the crowd and yells “Give me something!!” He pulls his hand out to find a giant, black dildo~

Smith: Umm

Hood: Whoa

Smith: I’m not sure we should be airing this

Hood: Hey, not like it’s rock fucking hard, man. Thing is floppy and shit.

Dean: CHAD! Violate Jimmy with that thing!

Smith: Dean, sir, I don’t think that

Dean: Shut up, Smith!

~Vargas can’t hear OCW’s esteemed president over the loud crowd. Instead he grips the dildo and flings it at Bob’s face. Bob dodges it and he kicks Vargas in the gut. Vargas drops the dildo, it falls harmlessly to the ground. Bob elbows Chad in the upper back. He arches his back in pain. Grenier then asks for a weapon. He’s handed a pistol~

Smith: Get that out of his hand!!

Hood: Shit, how BAD do you want this, Bob?

Dean: The second of two weapons provided by this awesome crowd...this one, unlike the first, appears to be loaded.

Smith: GROSS, Prez

~Grenier stares at the gun and smiles. Vargas looks up and kicks his foot in the air, knocking the gun out of Grenier’s hand. It flies into the crowd...he then yells “What the fuck?!” and looks incredulously toward the crowd. They toss him a beach ball. He fights with it, ripping it open and squeezing all the air out. They then toss Grenier a giant knife. Vargas shakes his head and curses “Mother fucker!” Grenier then takes a swing at Vargas. He dodges it and takes off running, Grenier chases him around the ring~

Smith: I’m no Chad Vargas fan so don’t misinterpret what I’m about to say...but this is totally unfair...

Hood: It’s only a knife, Smith. Dangerous Dan, who’s a giant pussy, survived a SCYTHE

Dean: We’ve got SCYTHES?

Hood: Biff does, boss

Dean: Biff was here?

Hood: For fucks sake, Prez...do you even watch your own show?

Dean: Hey, I’ve been busy

Hood: I should get paid more

Dean: Effective immediately, I’m giving you a raise, Hood

Hood: Fuck off

~Vargas rushes around the third corner and finds Jimmy Buffet. He lifts the lifeless body of Buffet up and uses him as a shield. Grenier turns the corner and jabs the knife at Vargas. He continues to shield himself with Buffet. He finally shoves Buffet’s body at Grenier who catches the millionaire singer and drops the knife. Chad then lunges forward with a Superman Punch, drilling Grenier. Grenier’s head snaps back and it clangs off the ring post. He falls to his knees and then to his side, lying next to Buffet. Vargas rolls in the ring and asks for a mic~

Smith: Our champ is not happy

Hood: Yea, it’s not been a great night, thus far

Dean: Can you believe that guy? Jimmy Buffet just interfered in the match!

Smith: Don’t think it was by choice, sir

Hood: Yea, it was almost interference via rape

Dean: Yikes

Chad Vargas: Is this fucking thing on? Fuck. Bout time something worked around this fucking place. Who the fuck do you people think you are, huh? Giving me a bunch of worthless shit while handing Grenier guns and knives? You are LUCKY to be able to participate...LUCKY that Dean brought the show to this dystopian landscape. Fuck all of you, seriously, fuck all of you...grow the fuck up and start handing me shit I can use so I can win this match and get the fuck out of Compton.

~The crowd boos as trash is littering the ring. Vargas ducks and dodges items coming near his head~

Smith: This is not going to end well

Hood: Nope, we need riot gear

Dean: I can’t take this anymore

Hood: Where are you going?

Dean: I’m tired of Buffet taunting me from ringside!

Smith: Sir, he’s just laying there...

Dean: That’s what he wants you to think

~Dean exits the announce table as Vargas rolls his eyes at the crowd~

Chad Vargas: Hey, don’t hate me because I have a fucking job. Alright? Don’t hate me because I’m responsible. All you lazy fuckers out there...let me tell you what I really think about the Af...

~Chad’s mic is cut off as a gunshot is fired in his vicinity. He hops off the turnbuckle and hides behind corner, looking around, wide eyed~

Smith: We have gunshots!

Hood: SHIT!

~Dean walks over to Buffet and starts yelling at him. Grenier, sitting up, stares at Dean as though he’s crazy. The fans start trying to hop the guard rail, security beats them back. The entire crowd is moving like waves in the water. It’s getting out of hand. Vargas hops out of the ring and moves to take his Title from Belvedere. He rips it away and marches past the announce table~

Smith: Where are you going? We’ve got a match?

Chad Vargas: Fuck this, I’m out of here...we can do this later, somewhere safe...

~About to head down the aisle way, Vargas is attacked from behind by Grenier. He drops the title and is tossed into the ring. The crowd cheers and calms, for a moment. Grenier snares the title and rolls into the ring. He hops onto the middle buckle and leaps off, drilling the belt into Chad’s face!! Chad falls to the mat, holding his face in pain~

Smith: Things are...okay, for now

Hood: Fuck okay...I’d say on a life threatening scale...we dropped from a 99 to a 95.

Smith: At least Grenier was able to keep Vargas from running away.

Hood: Dude, he wasn’t running away, he was trying to NOT DIE

Smith: True

~Dean yanks Buffet up and yells at him...Buffet’s eyes are half open. He slaps Buffet across the face and hurls the millionaire into the rabid crowd! They consume him as Dean stands by the guard rail, looking angry. Back inside the ring, Grenier lifts Vargas up and he drops him with an Implant DDT into the title. Vargas appears out as Grenier signals for the Hollinger Park Hangman~

Smith: Bob Grenier is looking to end the match, right here, right now!

Hood: Sounds good to me!

Smith: We are close to seeing the crowning moment of Grenier’s career!

~”Wrong Side of Heaven” by Five Finger Death Punch hits and Noah Mackenzie rushes to the ring with his ‘Oh Shit’ Contract in hand. Grenier looks at him, with surprise as the crowd pops. Noah slides into the ring and hands the contract to Scruff. Scruff looks at it and nods, ripping the contract in half~

Smith: Noah Mackenzie just cashed in his Oh...you know what Contract!!

Hood: Makes fucking sense to me...last night, last match, no sense in framing that shit as a memento.

Smith: Indeed and great timing as Grenier had Vargas dead to right.

~Noah and Grenier begin trading punches back and forth. Noah gains the upper hand and he whips Grenier into the ropes. Grenier stumbles over some of the trash and winds up crashing into the middle rope, throat first. Noah sprints in, dives through the ropes, twirls around and kicks Grenier in the face with a 619!! Grenier falls backwards, breaking into a couple of bottles. Noah stands on the apron and sprints to the nearest corner. He gains his balance and leaps off with a frog splash. Grenier, though, grabs an empty 40oz and he SMASHES it into Mackenzie’s face!! Mackenzie staggers back and falls through the ropes, landing harshly on the outside. Grenier looks at the top half of the bottle, in his hand, broken away from the bottom, leaving jagged glass exposed. He turns to Vargas, who is recouping in the corner~

Smith: Grenier is looking to carve Chad up

Hood: Fucking Noah just ate it...

Smith: Yea, that didn’t look good

Hood: Oh well, like we said, guy had nothing to lose.

~Dean finds Noah and helps him to his feet. Noah’s head is gashed open. Dean gets blood on his shirt and frowns. He clotheslines Noah to the ground, out of anger. Meanwhile, in the ring, Grenier reaches Vargas and stabs down with the broken bottle. Chad catches his arm just in time and shoves it away. He kicks Bob in the groin. Bob drops the bottle...Chad kicks it out of the ring. He hooks Bob around the waist and slams him to the mat, on top of some ketchup covered fries with a Gut Wrench Suplex~

Smith: Some fan didn’t like their fries, I guess

Hood: Man, hard to fuck up fries...really says something about this town

Smith: I can’t nor will argue that

Hood: And Dean, how about that sharp looking clothesline from our President!

Smith: Hey, that’s an expensive suit, Noah should have been more careful.

Hood: Whoa, pretty Hoodian statement of ya, Smith

Smith: Yea, it’s the final night...so what if I break character for a line or two

Hood: Fuck yea!

Smith: NOT that far

~The crowd goes crazy, out of nowhere. Vargas turns and spots Scott Syren rushing down to the ring. He jumps onto the apron and enters through the ropes. He spots the title and reaches down, grabbing it. Chad runs in and grabs the other side. They stand, for a moment, about to ensue in a tug of war~

Smith: Scott Syren?

Hood: Last night of the company, I think Syren wants to go home with the belt.

Smith: But he can’t do this...he has no right!

Hood: What’s Dean going to do...suspend him?

Smith: Good point

~Syren pulls, lightly. He smiles and urges Vargas to let go. Vargas pull back violently. Syren throws a punch at Vargas, Vargas punches back...the two OCW legends start to brawl. Grenier crawls up behind Vargas. Syren pushes Vargas down as Grenier rolls him up. Scruff slides in for the count~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!

Smith: Whoa, Grenier almost stole the title!

Hood: Is...is Syren HELPING Grenier

Smith: Doubtful...I think that was just a byproduct of Syren’s selfishness.

Hood: Probably

~Syren sees the title lying to the side of Grenier and Vargas. He grabs it and moves to leave. Lurrr comes sprinting down the aisle~

Smith: It’s Lurrr!

Hood: What...why?

Smith: At this point...why not?

~Syren, too busy laughing at Grenier and Vargas, doesn’t see Lurrr. He slides into the ring and delivers the Wake Up Call into Syren’s chin!!! Syren staggers back, dropping the title. Vargas and Grenier, standing behind Syren, lift him up and they hurl him over the top rope, he lands roughly onto the street surface. They turn around and see Lurrr exiting the ring with the title. They give chase~

Smith: Now Lurrr is attempting to steal the OCW Title...

Hood: Hey, he was the first...might as well be the last

Smith: But, again, he has no right...I know they can’t face punishment...but what happened to a code of ethics.

Hood: Hey, we had a Code of Silence...what more do you want from this place?

Smith: I don’t know, a little order...dignity in its final moments.

Hood: Ha, yea right

~Grenier and Vargas hop out of the ring and they both grab Lurrr at the same time. They turn him around and threaten to beat him up. Lurrr tries talking them out of it. He then ducks...out of nowhere, from behind Lurrr, Maurako double clotheslines both men!! Grenier and Vargas hit the ground hard. Lurrr nip ups with the OCW Title and he pats Maurako in the chest. Part of the strap falls into Maurako’s open palm. Lurrr points toward the back and says, “Good work, Mario, now, let’s get out of here.” Lurrr starts to walk away, but Maurako’s hand grips the title, keeping Lurrr from moving forward. Lurrr stops and looks at Maurako, confused~

Smith: Uh oh...things are not going to plan for Lurrr

Hood: Fucking Maurako...he’s never held that title...ever

Smith: Greatest wrestler in OCW history to never win the OCW Title...a fact which eats away at him.

~Maurako snaps and pulls Lurrr in, using the strap as leverage. He hooks a Full Nelson onto Lurrr and drills him into the street with A Full Nelson Slam (Super Mario). The crowd chants for Maurako as he picks up the belt and starts to exit~

Smith: Now Mario is leaving with the belt

Hood: This is too much, I need a drink

Smith: There isn’t anyone to stop him!

~Almost to the curtain, a figure steps out. Or, to be precise, hobbles out. PerZag emerges, on crutches from his previous match. He hobbles up to Maurako. Maurako tells him to move...PerZag shakes his head ‘no’. Maurako kicks one of Zag’s crutches away. Zag maintains his balance, picks up the other crutch and cracks it over Mario’s head!! Maurako falls to his knees...Zag lifts his good knee into Maurako’s face, knocking him unconscious. Zag then grabs the OCW Title and hops toward the ring with it~

Smith: PerZag! Saving the day!

Hood: What an idiot...Syren, Lurrr, and Maurako all trying to leave with the belt and this guy gets a clear path...so, what does he do? He walks BACK to the ring with it? People from Benalla are MORONS.

Smith: Nope, he wants to see justice, he wants an end to the Grenier/Vargas feud. He wants a legitimate champion!

~Dean, having not really witnessed much of what happened, sees Zag with the title. He rushes over and rips it from Zag, yelling at him. Zag tries explaining what happened. Dean, having sort of lost his mind, drills Zag in the head with the title! Zag falls to the ground as Dean tosses the title back into the ring~

Smith: Pretty chaotic here

Hood: Yea, again, Dean not paying attention to what the fuck is happening on his show.

Smith: I think he was busy trying to wash the blood out of his shirt

~A loud horn sounds from beyond the crowd, a battle cry, if you will. Dean looks into the darkened horizon, as do Grenier and Vargas, who are back in the ring. The MIGHTY Scythe is being twirled in the air as The Big Bifford marches toward the ring~

Smith: It’s Bifford, he lives to ruin another match...

Hood: I’m not sure how you can ruin this match at this point

Smith: Indeed

~Biff just sort of barrels through the barricade, knocking security guards to the ground. He hurls the MIGHTY Scythe at Vargas and Grenier. They dodge it...it flies over the ring and lands in the crowd, impaling a Compton resident. Biff’s eyes are lit with fire as he rolls into the ring and jumps atop the OCW Title~

Smith: And Biff has murdered yet another harmless bystander

Hood: And he is now making love to the OCW Title

Smith: Or, if you’re just joining us, merely lying atop it so nobody else can take it.

~Vargas and Grenier, beyond frustrated at this point, back up into opposite corners and just shake their heads. Biff doesn’t move, like a beached whale. Out of the crowd comes Mack O’Connor!~

Smith: The former OCW Champion...he’s got something to say about this

Hood: Oh for fucks sake

~Mack has a chain, he ties it around the ankle of Biff. Biff doesn’t even feel it, due to the excess fat around the joint. Mack then rushes back into the crowd, we follow him, he hops atop a truck, fires it up and peels out. It pulls Biff from the ring, onto the street and drags the behemoth Hall of Famer away, leaving the Title in the ring. The act destroyed a good portion of the barricade. Residents of Compton react by rushing toward the ring. Vargas and Grenier dive out and crawl under the ring as an all out riot has broken out in the ring, around the ring and on the streets~

Smith: Quick! Under the announce table, Hood!

Hood: Good idea!!

~Smith and Hood take cover. PerZag hobbles to the backstage area. Mario gets to his feet and takes off. Lurrr is gathered by the giant Rick Mathis, who hurls him over his shoulder and carries him to safety. Noah is stretchered out. A flying object comes into view. It’s Katy Perry, singing her hit song “Roar”. She’s attached to a colorful drone. She zooms in and grabs Syren. Together, they fly away. Dean looks around, crazily as security works to subdue the situation. Store windows are bashed in. Buildings catch fire. Explosions go off. We cut to commercial~

Mayor of Compton: We, the people of Compton, are so glad you were able to witness all our great town has to offer. We invite you to come on out and view some of our amazing amenities.

~A litany of peaceful images display, showing how beautiful, peaceful and family friendly Compton has become~

Mayor of Compton: So, come on out and check us out. Because, when you’re in Compton, you’re in Haven.

~We cut back to the screams and violence that have taken over the streets of Compton. The naked body of Jimmy Buffet is being carried away by some ruffians. Tear gas is in excess, riot gear has been applied, SWAT has shown up and are beating back the angry people. Slowly, they start to dissipate. Finally, all the fans are gone. What’s left is carnage, absolute carnage. Smith’s head pops up from under the announce table~

Smith: Is it over?

Hood: You’re the one looking!

Smith: It appears so

Hood: Let me see...oh, yea, I think we’re okay now.

Smith: So...is that it?

Hood: I guess so...we’ve got no fans...nobody is in the ring. Dean is busy talking with SWAT...all that’s left is the title in the middle of the ring.

Smith: Well, folks...that appears to be it...thank you for tuning into...

~Vargas pops up from behind the apron. He slides into the ring and crawls for the OCW Title. He picks it up and looks around, smiling~

Smith: Hmm...it appears as though Chad is going to...wait a minute

Hood: Not so fast, Smith!

~Grenier slides in behind Vargas. He rushes up, twirls Vargas around, kicks him in the gut, lifts him up and drops him with a Snap Suplex in the middle of the ring. Grenier’s face is one of determination. He gets back to his feet and begins kicking all the debris from the canvas~

Smith: Oh no, this isn’t over yet...Bob Grenier is not having it end like that!

Hood: Fuck yea...I like the attitude!

Smith: For so long he’s wanted that title and now, his final opportunity, he isn’t going to just let it end due to a riot.

Hood: Fucking riots, man, they end all kinds of shit...but, apparently, they can’t get in the way of an OCW Title match...shit, let’s finish what we started!

Smith: Indeed!!

~Grenier, having cleared the ring, yells at Vargas, who is slowly reaching his feet. He yells “Get up, Chad! Get up!” Vargas does and he shakes his head back and forth. He looks at Grenier and recognizes the situation. He nods and the two begin pacing around the ring, measuring one another. They lock up! Chad knees Grenier in the gut and whips him into the ropes, Grenier bounces off. Chad goes for a superkick, Grenier ducks it. He bounces off the ropes again, leaps into the air...Chad turns around and is drilled with a flying forearm! Chad hits the mat and rolls into the corner. He sits with his back to the bottom buckle, checking his nose for blood. He pulls himself up and they pace the ring a second time~

Smith: I feel like this match has been going on for hours...yet, here we are, just getting started.

Hood: Fucking weird, man, kind of like an empty arena match.

Smith: Yea, it really is. Aside from the sirens in the background...

Hood: Where is Syren? Has he landed yet?

Smith: SIRENS, plural, police sirens.

Hood: Oh, damn

~Grenier and Vargas lock up a second time. Grenier applies a side headlock. Vargas tries to fight out of it, shoving Grenier into the ropes. He whips Grenier off the ropes, Grenier runs across the ring, bouncing off the ropes. Vargas leaps into the air and dropkicks Grenier in the face! Grenier falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring, checking his lip. Chad’s front leg shakes as he looks ready to pounce. Grenier turns around and Vargas sprints ahead...he leaps over the top rope with a Senton, landing on top of Grenier!! Chad grabs his ass in pain as the street surface is unforgiving~

Smith: Tremendous effort...shame there isn’t a crowd.

Hood: I disagree, my headache is finally dissipating

Smith: Yea, but these two warriors deserve a show of support.

~Almost on cue, the entire locker room (aside from the previously mentioned title thieves) walk out to ringside. They stand behind the guard rail...or, what remains of it. They begin to cheer for Grenier and Vargas...the faces cheering for Grenier, the heels for Vargas~

Smith: Here we go!

Hood: This is so gay

Smith: I like it!

Hood: You just made my point

~Vargas gets to his feet and he looks around at the roster cheering them on. It generates a burst of energy within. He picks Grenier up by the hair and hurls him into the ring. Grenier looks for and finds nightstick. He slides in under the ring as Scruff suddenly appears~

Smith: Scruff! Glad to see he’s okay

Hood: He’s a bum, they are like cock roaches, capable of surviving nuclear blasts.

Smith: Good point

~Vargas twirls the nightstick around a bit, showing that he may or may not have had some experience with one in the past. Grenier gets to his feet and Vargas drills him in the gut with it. Grenier doubles over. Vargas smacks him in the back of the head with the stick. Grenier falls face first to the mat. Vargas kicks him onto his back, drops the stick and goes for the pin~

1!

2!

Shoulder Up!

Smith: Going to take more than a night stick to keep Bob Grenier down!

Hood: True that, he’s like, one step above bum, so he’s pretty fucking tough to kill

Smith: Is that a compliment

Hood: I don’t know, why don’t you ask Bob?

~Vargas gets to his feet and he reaches inside his Confederate Flag trunks. He removes a set of Brass Knuckles and places them over his right fist. Grenier, on all fours, without Vargas noticing, obtains the night stick. Vargas readies to punch Grenier in the face. Grenier gets to his feet. Vargas goes for another Superman Punch, Grenier ducks and, turns around and slams the night stick into the temple of Chad Vargas!!! The Grenier fans cheer as Vargas corpses to the mat. Grenier covers him, hooking both legs as far back as he can...Scruff slides in for the count~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!

Smith: No!! So close!

Hood: That night stick is fucking defective, I think

Smith: Could be, I’ve never used one or had one used on me before

Hood: You haven’t LIVED, Smith

~President Dean re-emerges ring side and takes stock of the action inside. He nods and heads for the announce table. Grenier, inside the ring, works to remove the brass knuckles from Chad’s hand. He is successful and he applies it to his right hand. He holds onto the night stick with his left hand. Vargas gets to his feet, staggering. He turns around and Grenier swings the night stick. Vargas grabs Grenier’s left arm and laughs. Grenier then uppercuts Chad in the chin with the brass knuckled right fist!! Vargas flies backwards, landing on his back as Grenier pins him again~

1!

2!

Shoulder Up!!

Smith: EVEN CLOSER

President Dean: Sup

Hood: Just calling an OCW Title match

President Dean: Cool, well, no worries, we’re all okay, nobody important is going to die.

Smith: Terrific!

~Grenier runs his hands through his hair, stunned he didn’t get the win. He gets to his feet and pulls Chad to his. He hurls Chad over the top rope. Chad lands on the apron. Grenier takes a few steps back and charges in, going for a spear. Chad moves and Grenier flies through the ropes, landing roughly on the outside! Grenier rises to all fours and finds his stomach and elbows skinned and bleeding. Vargas leaps off the apron and he delivers a CURB STOMP onto the back of Grenier’s head, smashing his face into the pavement~

Smith: Ugh, brutal

President Dean: Hey, these two guys are pretty fucking good

Hood: Seriously?

Smith: Dean, please tell me you’ve watched them wrestle before

President Dean: Hey, I’ve heard things

Hood: I feel so used

Smith: And underpaid.

~Vargas hurls Grenier back into the ring, under the bottom rope. He slides in and returns to his feet. He lifts Grenier up, Grenier’s mouth and teeth are busted with bright, fresh blood all over his mouth a chin. Vargas hooks him and drills him into the mat with The Stroke (Front Russian Leg Sweep). He goes for the pin, pointing in the air along with Scruff’s count, in apparent victory~

1!

2!

SHOULDER UP

Smith: Bob Grenier kicked out of The Stroke, after a curb stomp into the streets of Compton!!

Hood: I didn’t think he had it in him...

President Dean: Front Russian Legsweep, huh?

Smith: Yep

President Dean: That’s the finishing move of our champion, huh?

Smith: He executes it perfectly.

~Vargas slaps his palms against the mat while seated next to Grenier. He holds three fingers up and yells at Scruff. He looks down at the red blood stain where Grenier’s face was planted via The Stroke. Vargas stands up and he pulls Grenier up. He yells, “Let’s do this again!” He hooks him and swings his leg...but Grenier blocks The Stroke! Grenier elbows Vargas in the throat, paralyzing him temporarily. He then jumps up, locks his legs around Chad’s neck and sends him flying across the ring with a Huricanrana!! Vargas slides across the ring, coming to rest under the bottom rope. The Vargas fans at ringside cheer. Their cheers catch the ears of SWAT, Police, Firefighters, and other public figures looking to restore order~

Smith: Great counter by Bob Grenier...he’s not out of this one just yet!

Hood: I think the police are coming to shut us down

President Dean: Nah, they have to find that asshole Buffet, first

Smith: Speaking of Mr. Buffet, the last image we had of him...did not look good.

President Dean: Fucking had it coming

~All the public workers stand around the ring, becoming observers themselves, finding the match to be intriguing and interesting to watch. Soon, a pretty sizable crowd has grown, one that would make any wrestling show proud. Vargas rolls onto the apron and returns to his feet. Again, Grenier goes for the spear...Vargas greets him with a knee into the head. Vargas pulls a dazed Grenier onto the apron. He lifts him up and looks to powerbomb Grenier to the street. Grenier, though, punches Vargas in the head. He then jumps backwards, holding onto Chad’s hair, and drills Chad, face first into the street with an X-Factor from the apron!! Like Bob earlier, Chad’s face crushes into the pavement as he rolls around, holding it in pain. The surrounding crowd cheers the move and begins to chant “Grenier!”~

Smith: The wrestlers started that Grenier chant and everyone else has picked up on it...a crash course in OCW history, I suppose.

Hood: Speaking of crash course...face, meet street.

President Dean: You know, we thought about placing mats around the ring for this event.

Smith: And?

President Dean: And what? I said we thought about doing it.

~A bloody Grenier pulls Vargas to his feet. The face of Vargas matches Greniers, bloody, cut, crushed and in need of aesthetic repair...Grenier head butts Vargas in the nose. Vargas grabs his nose as blood is produced from the impact. Vargas turns his back to Grenier as he stumbles near the steps. Grenier sprints behind Chad, leaping into the air and drilling Vargas with a half bulldog into the top of the steps! Vargas falls back, holding his face in pain~

Smith: Bob Grenier is taking it to his arch nemesis...he is close to becoming OCW Champion!

Hood: Closest he’s ever been

President Dean: Good thing I cancelled our insurance a week back.

Smith: WHAT? I was planning on botox!

Hood: Yea and I needed, like, pills

President Dean: Sorry guys, but when times get tough, you’ve got to cut out the unnecessary expenses.

~Grenier rolls Vargas into the ring. Vargas remains lying front first on the mat with blood dripping from his face as he stares down. Grenier yanks him, hooks him and lifts Vargas up...he drills him into the mat with the Hollinger Park Hangman!!! Vargas is motionless as Grenier goes for the pin. Scruff, along with the entire crowd, counts~

1!

2!!!

Kick Out!!!

Smith: The redneck kicks out again!

Hood: They breed them tough along the Mason Dixon line

President Dean: Is that where Vargas is from?

Hood: I think so...or maybe that was Mason Dixon

Smith: Yea, I think the guy named Mason Dixon being from the Mason Dixon line would be a solid assumption.

Hood: Dick

~Grenier pleads with Scruff. Scruff holds up two fingers. Grenier backs into a corner, shaking his head, looking at Vargas. He then looks into the sky~

Smith: Bob Grenier has to be asking himself...can he do it, is he good enough to win the OCW Title.

Hood: Well, if he sits in the corner crying, he sure as shit won’t get it done.

President Dean: Existential Crisis time, suckas!

Smith: Indeed

~Vargas looks up at Grenier and notices the anguish he’s going through...the self doubt. Vargas laughs at him. Grenier notices Vargas laughing and becomes furious. He springs forward, looking to punt Vargas in the head. Vargas dodges, Grenier turns around, Vargas kicks him in the gut, hooks up for a powerbomb and drills him into the mat with a Powerbomb...he holds on and pins Grenier’s legs near his ears, going for the win~

1!

2!

Kick Out!!!

Smith: So close, again!

Hood: Grenier needs to settle down. If you get too emotional, you’ll fuck up.

President Dean: Hood’s not wrong

Smith: Don’t, it’ll go straight to his head

~Vargas returns to his feet and he pulls Grenier to his. He throws a punch into Grenier’s bloody face. Blood splatters from impact. Grenier returns the favor, punching Vargas in his face, producing a blood splatter of his own. The two bloodied warriors trade punches back and forth as the crowd engages in a dueling “Vargas!” and “Grenier!” chant~

Smith: It’s been a grueling match, in every way imaginable...they are exhausted, bloodied...this is it, who wants it most?

Hood: I don’t think it’s going to come down to who wants it most, it’s who can outsmart the other.

President Dean: I think you two should shut the fuck up and just watch what happens.

Smith: But you pay us to commentate on this.

President Dean: Now you’re reminding me why I never do guest commentary.

~Vargas, the better striker of the two, gains the upper hand. He whips Grenier into a corner, Grenier flips over the top turnbuckle and finds himself seated atop the third buckle, facing the crowd. Vargas rushes in and climbs up there with him~

Smith: Chad might be looking for a top rope Stroke or something

President Dean: High impact, for sure, sucka

Hood: Somebody should ask Grenier if he can spot Jimmy Buffet from up there

~Vargas stands atop the third buckle, along with Grenier, who he pulled to his feet. He looks to be going for the Stroke from the top. Grenier senses it and he elbows Vargas in the head. Both men show tremendous balance, maintaining their footing. Grenier looks to apply the choke leading into the Hollinger Park Hangover. Like Grenier, Vargas senses that and he head butts Grenier away. They both remain standing at the top with the fans looking on in awe~

Smith: They are of the same mind...both men looking to end it from up there.

Hood: Yep but neither man is willing to accept defeat...they are not going to be put down with the other’s finisher.

President Dean: See, this is why Grenier should have used that gun earlier.

Smith: Oh, so you saw that

President Dean: Yes, the minute a gun came into play, I imagined it being used on...Jimmy Buffet.

~Vargas kicks Grenier in the groin. Grenier is about to fall over, to the outside, but Vargas keeps him at the top. He places Grenier’s head between his legs and looks for a powerbomb from the top, to the street. Vargas lifts Grenier up...Grenier pokes Vargas in the eye! Vargas loses control of the move...Grenier swings his hips and he delivers a Huricanrana from the top rope to the middle of the ring!! Chad’s legs fly into Grenier’s back as Grenier keeps his legs wrapped around Chad’s neck. Instinctively, Grenier hooks Chad’s legs and goes for the pin, Scruff slides in and makes the count with everyone chanting along~

1!

2!

3!!!!

~Vargas kicks out RIGHT AFTER the three!! Scruff signals for the bell as Grenier falls, face first to the mat. The bell sounds as everyone at ringside erupts in cheers~

Smith: That’s it! He did it! Bob Grenier did it! He vanquished Chad Vargas and, in the process, has won the OCW Title!

Hood: Holy shit, I did not see that coming.

President Dean: I can’t tell you how many championships have been won and lost with moves you never saw coming. A testament to how well these two knew one another.

Smith: Indeed!

~Dean, Smith and Hood give the duo a standing ovation. Dean exits the announce table and he takes the OCW Title from a disheveled Belvedere. He enters into the ring and pats Grenier on the back. Grenier is still facing the mat, on his knees. Dean helps him to his feet...it’s apparent Grenier is feeling emotional. Dean raises Grenier’s hand to a huge ovation along with “Grenier!” chants. Dean places the belt around Grenier’s waist, fastening it where it belongs. Dean then exits to find police men and a robed Buffet waiting on him. Dean extends his hands~

President Dean: Alright, you filthy animals, cuff me, I’m ready to go.

~Dean is escorted out as Grenier stands in the ring, taking in the moment from the fans and his peers who are cheering him on. PerZag rolls into the ring, hobbling tremendously. He walks up and hugs Grenier as the two share a nice, friendly moment~

Smith: Those two have been through so much...what a moment!

Hood: It would be fucking disgusting and I would hope PerZag would lay him out...but what would be the fucking point at this juncture.

Smith: Nice to see it takes the end of our company for you to finally come to your senses.

~Vargas, seated in the corner, is taking it all in. He rises to his feet and approaches Grenier. PerZag steps to the side and watches, ready to help Grenier if Vargas does anything underhanded. Vargas looks at the OCW Title around Grenier’s waist~

Smith: Uh oh

Hood: Here we go, like the others earlier on, Chad is not leaving tonight without that belt...we’re gonna have some more violence!

Smith: Why can’t he just...

~Surprising everyone, Chad brings Bob in for a quick hug before raising his hand in triumph! The locker room and onlookers go wild. PerZag steps in and he raises Chad’s off hand as the trio stand in the middle of the ring~

Smith: What a final moment! Those three have been the backbone of OCW since its return on 2014...what a moment!

Hood: Yea, I’m not sure we would have made it this far without those three.

Smith: Nope, we never would have...they deserve this final curtain call.

~The trio of PerZag, Chad Vargas, and OCW Champion, Bob Grenier are freeze framed, in the middle of the ring, arms raised, with the entire locker room applauding them from ringside. We fade to black~

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OOC: See the OOC board for final postings/thoughts