LIVE! Sunday, May 25th 2014
From Lanikai Beach in Oahu, Hawaii
Voice: Lurrr, the man…the icon…the legend…MISTER OCW is finally back where he belongs, on top of the OCW Mountain. Every great, iconic moment in OCW’s history has been created by this man.
[A clip of Lurrr delivering The Wake Up Call to Liljungleman to win the Television title airs]
Voice: The greatest Television Title win in OCW history belongs to Lurrr when he defeated the mighty Liljungleman. A man feared throughout professional wrestling was swiftly dealt with by your true champion, Lurrr.
[Lurrr nailing Shane Thunder with the Wake Up Call to claim the Intercontinental Title airs next]
Voice: Shane Thunder, an unstoppable force in OCW…until he met, Lurrr. Lurrr dismantled Shane Thunder in short work acquiring the Intercontinental Title and running Thunder off into obscurity.
[Clips from Lurrr’s record THREE World Title wins are shown side by side as he, simultaneously nails DareDevil,, Brian Velocity and Andy Murray with the Wake Up Call]
Voice: The OCW Title was put on the MAP by Lurrr…the only man to claim the title three times…Lurrr defined what OCW is and what OCW was. There are no new eras when it comes to Lurrr and OCW…there is only one era…The Lurrr Era.
[Finally, we see various clips of the past month as Lurrr has ruled with an iron fist. Making tremendous business decisions and keeping things under control]
Voice: Under Lurrr’s watch as President, OCW has enjoyed unparalleled success. Many wrestlers have risen to unexpected heights whereas the necessary trash was tossed away where it belongs. It is clear that as great as Lurrr was as a wrestler…the absolute best…he is that much better as an owner.
[The Clash banner pops up again with Lurrr dominating the image flashing his arrogant smile]
Voice: So, tonight…sit back and enjoy all the action as several wrestlers compete in matches for various titles. Sit back and enjoy the production put on by Lurrr…the matches created by Lurrr…the wrestlers molded by Lurrr…the organization and rises and falls with Lurrr…folks, sit back and enjoy the sport that Lurrr put on the map.
[We fade out and into the Lanikai Beach in Oahu, Hawaii!! It’s a spectacular scene as the water is crystal clear…an OCW ring with aqua, pink and white ropes sets out over the ocean, a good fifty yards from the beach. There is a ramp over the water leading to the ring. Fans line the beach cheering and screaming, all in their beach wear. There are floating sets of bleachers where fans sit around the ring. A few cruise ships are nestled near ringside with fans aboard them, looking down at the ring with drinks in their hands, cheering for the show. It is quite the spectacle. Directly in front of the ring set several feet back on the beach is a large, elevated canopy…unoccupied. Fans stand underneath it and around it…but nobody is in it…we focus on Smith and Hood…Smith is wearing a Clash t-shirt along with a pair of basketball shorts and tennis shoes. Hood is sporting a cut off sleeve FBGM shirt (fuckin bitches getting money…a strip club shirt) along with a red, white and gray flower theme set of swim trunks]
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Clash at the Coast…and I know you all just witnessed that canopy nestled a few feet away…it looks so comfortable, I can only imagine that is where we will be conducting our broadcast.
Hood: Finally, Smith…Finally I am going to be given the treatment I deserve.
[Trumpets suddenly begin to blare as the crowd quiets down…Smith and Hood shut up. Everyone turns as a group of men wearing shades carry a throne like seat towards the canopy. Rick Mathis leads the way. Seated atop the throne is OCW President Lurrr. He gives a slow wave to the crowd, as if he were some kind of monarch before they reach the canopy. Mathis ascends the staircase to the top as Lurrr is lowered before he can do the same. Lurrr takes a seat in the huge, cushioned, throne like chair inside the canopy with Mathis guarding the entrance. Several girls in skimpy bikinis rush up there with plates of fruit and giant bottles of liquor. Lurrr is handed a chalice…they fill it up with liquor and he drinks from it…one girl begins to feed him grapes. Lurrr instantly snaps his fingers as some kind of weird music begins to play]
Smith: Nevermind, I guess I shouldn’t aim so high
Hood: Yea, dipshit, you got my hopes up for nothing
Smith: I wonder who’s music this could belong to…it’s pretty…bad
[A slight smattering of boos is heard as KABUKI JO makes his way through the crowd with several ‘partiers’. They are all dancing around him as he hops around like an idiot…they make their way to the ring and Jo hops up onto the apron…the falls back, aiming for his group to catch him. They don’t…instead…they keep on dancing around like idiots. Jo smiles it off and throws a lollipop into his mouth…he hops into the ring. Lurrr slits his throat with his finger, ordering the music to end. He looks at the men who carried him in and snaps his fingers, pointing at the partiers…they rush over to them and begin to beat them down with nightsticks and other various weapons]
Smith: I guess Lurrr isn’t in the partying mood
Hood: Oh, Lurrr likes to party…but whatever THAT was…was pretty fucking gay
Smith: Yea, I’d have to agree with you on that
[Kabuki’s partiers are beaten viciously and within an inch of their lives before they are carried off to who knows where. Kabuki has a mic in his hand as Lurrr motions for him to speak. Kabuki does as instructed]
Kabuki Jo: Kabuki Jo here, folks! And I have been instructed by our GREAT…POWERFUL…TREMENDOUS…DEBONAIR…SEXY…INTELLIGENT…UNBEATABLE…WEALTHY…AND, above all else, ICONIC…President to come out here and open things up with a special Kabuki Jo news report…get ready, because here comes Kabuki’s Korner!! With a K!!!
[Kabuki spins around, once, for dramatic effect we can only assume. He commences shooting off the top of his head with his rumors]
Kabuki Jo: It’s no doubt that the people here in Honolulu are excited for the matches coming up at Clash at the Beach. The Television Title is going to be defended in a Watch the Shank match as PerTag and Jameson Xavier look to put on one hell of a show!
[The fans grumble with discontent]
Smith: A watch the shank match?
Hood: To be fair, that sounds like a really good idea
Smith: Those aren’t even rumors…he’s just stating incorrect versions of facts
[Jo senses the discontent but, undaunted and with blind confidence, he continues]
Kabuki Jo: Hey, who likes Shawn Syren? I know I do! Have you heard the latest rumor that he may be teaming up with Scott Fuller to form a new tag team? Rumors have it Scott Fuller is not happy being a part of Virginity Denied and is looking to get away from the overbearing attitude of Mario Monaco.
[The crowd starts to boo as Kabuki continues]
Kabuki Jo: Say everyone, whatever happened to that Big Bilford guy? I’m hearing that he has a secret match tonight against his arch nemesis, Emon Biney. Apparently Biney has finally accepted Bilford’s challenge to end the ridiculous losing streak Biney has suffered here in UCW as well as GTWA.
[BOOOOO is what the crowd is saying]
Smith: Get this guy out of here!
Hood: Yea, he fucking sucks! The only fucking name he gets right is EMON BINEY.
[Kabuki starts to sweat a bit…but pushes forward]
Kabuki Jo: How about Barbinette Corey’s baby? Is it Mario Monaco’s? Or is it Gavin Reed’s? The world is going to find out TONIGHT, I’m told as Gavin Reed is set to undergo a PATERNITY TEST!
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO goes the crowd]
Hood: GAVIN REED IS DEAD YOU STUPID FUCK
[Kabuki fumbles over his list of rumors, obviously rattled by how things have gone thus far. Finally, Lurrr seeing that this is going south in record fashion, stands up. He motions towards Gavin…Gavin acknowledges]
Kabuki Jo: Yes, oh great and powerful president Larrr.
[Lurrr’s eyes become filled with uncontrollable rage and hate. He lifts his hand up…balls it into a fist with his thumb sticking out sideways. Slow and methodical like…he turns the thumb downward…giving Kabuki a thumbs down. Kabuki grows super nervous and starts to choke on the stupid lollipop in his mouth. The fans erupt in cheers. Lurrr’s thugs rush over to Kabuki Jo and they start to beat the crap out of him. His screams are drowned out by fists pummeling him in the mouth. A jet ski pulls up next to the ring as one of the thugs takes a knife and slits giant gashes on Kabuki’s arms and legs. They then tie him to the back of the Jet ski as it takes off, dragging a bleeding Kabuki Jo along the top of the ocean for whatever might be hungry. Lurrr nods and smiles with approval at his thugs as they exit ringside…Lurrr reclaims his seat and continues to drink liquor and eat grapes. We focus back on Smith and Hood who are now at some kind of tiki hut where they have decent seats and a great view of the ring from the white, sandy beach]
Smith: Well, Hood…that was certainly a unique way to get things started.
Hood: I’m so glad that guy is gone…man he sucked
Smith: Indeed…well, it’s a beautiful day out here on the Lanikai beach…not a cloud in the sky…I’m ready for a tremendous event!
Hood: Fuck yea man…like tons of title matches…walk the plank match…some kind of toss a human into the ocean match…which, after the trail of Kabuki Jo’s blood…you could say the stakes have been raised tremendously!
Smith: Possibly…Lurrr is in attendance…finally deciding to actually WATCH an event he’s in charge of.
Hood: Well, we are in Hawaii…he is on the beach…there is a ton of crushable ass out here…it was a given.
Smith: It is a sight, that’s for sure. Anyway…it’s time we get this thing STARTED!
Hood: Fuck yes! Western Title match?
Smith: Um, no…that’s the Main Event…hence all the programs advertising it as THE MAIN EVENT
Hood: Ah crap…well, I already lost my pool of picking the match order
Smith: Unbelievable…your level of incompetence. Anyway…up first is a match for the Tag Team Titles!
Hood: Oh, sweet
Smith: OCW management moved this match up in an effort to give Fuller and Bishop as much time as possible to prep for their second matches
Hood: How thoughtful
Smith: Indeed…let’s go down to ringside!
Amber “Distorted Angel” Ryan & “The Ripper” Danny B (3-1) vs. Victory Denied (1-0)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen…welcome to Clash at the Coast!!!
[The crowd goes wild, ready for the in ring action to begin]
Belvedere: Our first match, scheduled for one fall is for the OCW Tag Team Championship!!
["The Whale Song" by Modest Mouse plays on the speakers set around the beach as the crowd erupts into a massive chorus of boos while Sean Fuller and "the Incredible" Ian Bishop walk out opposite each other not reacting to the crowd. Neither men acknowledges the other as Fuller walks down to the ring not re-acting to the crowd, death staring each and every fan while Bishop on the other side is cursing at the crowd, flipping off women and making young children cry. Fuller walks up the steel steps at the front of the ring while Bishop takes his time ripping crowd signs up into shreds before walking up the back ring steps. Fuller and Bishop finally stare at each other in the ring until Fuller smacks Bishop hard in the face, which infuriates him and he returns a smack to Fuller! They both grab each other by the hair, forcing themselves to go face-to-face as they both do one long loud scream before lifting their hands up together and screaming "Victory Denied!" as their music abruptly stops]
Belvedere: Introducing first, the Challengers…at a total combined weight of 480lbs…Victory Denied!!
[The methodical opening tune to "Extreme" by Valora, the crowd holds their cheers in anticipation. As the first of the vocals rings out, the curtain parts to reveal a female figure, flashing lights casting a pale glow across her face. Smirk seemingly permanently plastered across her face, Amber slowly makes her way towards the ring, in no obvious rush as the song picks up towards the chorus. Fans outstretch their arms, fingers reaching for recognition but only some receive that brief touch of a hand or arm as she passes by- her steely casting almost no focus on the ring as she laps the outside of the ring. Eventually, she chooses a side to enter from, sliding beneath the bottom rope before choosing a turnbuckle upon which to sit and wait almost sarcastically until proceedings get underway]
Belvedere: And their opponents, first, from Dallas, Texas…standing 5’7 and weighing in at 155lbs…she is one half of the OCW Tag Team Champions…Amber “Distorted Angel” Ryan!!!
[As the opening whirl of "Valentine" circulate round the beach, Danny B walks out from the curtain, his beautiful wife hanging from his arm. She detaches, allowing Danny to step forwards and perform his signature devil horns pose. The two lock arms once again and head to the ring. As they reach it, Jednie walks off to the side, and climbs upon the apron, leaning on the ropes, Danny slides in underneath, before catching Jednie as she falls backwards, over the ropes and into his arms]
Belvedere: And her tag team partner, from Brighton, England…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 201lbs…he is one half of the OCW Tag Team Champions… “The Ripper” Danny B!!!
[All four participants are in the ring. Danny B and Amber Ryan hand their belts over to Belvedere who takes them out of the ring and walks down the ramp back to the beach. Generic Ref is stationed inside the ring, ready for the action to get underway. Belvedere sounds the bell from the beach as the fans erupt in cheers]
Smith: Here we go, Hood! After all that opening silliness, we are finally going to get down to business.
Hood: I’m going with Victory Denied…tonight is their night.
Smith: It very well may be…but Danny B and Amber Ryan are two of the best wrestlers in OCW…defeating them will not be an easy task.
Hood: Nope…Danny B’s wife is apparently staying at ringside…there isn’t much room between the ring and the ocean…only about three to four feet of metal.
Smith: She’s obviously out here for moral support.
Hood: Yea, but if a shark jumps up and bites her, that could be distracting for Danny
Smith: I doubt that’s going to happen.
Hood: Yea, they are all eating Kabuki Jo right now…good point
[Fuller and Bishop hang out in their corner watching Danny and Amber decide on who is going to start the match. Danny finally nods and steps through the ropes with Amber remaining in the ring. Fuller steps forward with Bishop stepping out. A gust of wind blows through the ring as Amber’s red hair masks her face…she pulls it away with her finger…as she does, Fuller lunges forward with a stiff kick into her abdomen! Amber doubles over and Fuller begins nailing her in the back with downward forearm strikes. The fans all around boo viciously at Fuller’s cheap tactics. Fuller grabs Amber around the waist, he lifts her up and slams her into the mat with a Gut Wrench Suplex!! Danny B looks on shaking his head as Fuller looks back at him, laughing]
Smith: Oh come on…how was that fair?
Hood: Fair? Maybe she should’ve shaved her head…or wore a hat…it’s not Fuller’s fault she’s got that ridiculous hair.
Smith: This is a title match, you’d think Fuller would show a bit of class
Hood: Class my ass…Fuller wants to win and the bell had already rang so cry me and everyone watching a fucking river.
Smith: No need we already have an ocean
Hood: Don’t start being a smart ass
[With Ryan on the mat…Fuller gets to his feet and stands over her…he swiftly drops a knee across her throat! Ryan clutches her throat and kicks her feet against the mat in pain. Fuller remains on his knees as he starts to choke Ryan around the neck. The ref rushes in and counts to five for a break…Fuller breaks right at five. He yanks Ryan by her red hair and drags her to her feet with him standing as well. He quickly applies a sleeper hold onto Ryan, applying a ton of pressure onto her neck. Generic ref is staring at Ryan with his vision of Fuller blocked…Ryan, smartly, kicks her leg back and low blows Fuller!! Fuller releases the hold as he falls to one knee…in a swift, seamless motion, Ryan flips around and she soccer kicks Fuller right in the head, taking him to the mat!! Ryan then crawls over to Danny and tags him in as the fans cheer loudly]
Hood: Okay, now THAT was fucking cheating
Smith: I didn’t see anything
Hood: You lying son of a bitch…you are so fucking shady
Smith: I am not
Hood: Duuuhhhh…I didn’t see anything, give me a fucking break, she just ruined Fuller’s ability to baby psychos.
Smith: The world thanks her
[Danny rushes into the ring as Fuller has reached his feet. Danny leaps into the air and drills Fuller in the face with a dropkick!! Fuller staggers back against the ropes and stumbles off…Danny scoops Fuller up and slams him to the mat! Fuller arches his back in pain. Danny leaps in the air and drops a standing elbow across the throat and chest of Fuller. Danny, on the mat, quickly applies a side head lock on Fuller, keeping him grounded and attempting to zap some energy from the maniacal wrestler]
Smith: Nice mat work here by Danny B…he knows how dangerous Sean Fuller can be once he gets going.
Hood: Yea, this isn’t really fair…Sean has another match tonight
Smith: Will you stop with what’s fair and what isn’t fair? A man was just fed to sharks…I think we can get past a kick in the groin or a competitor having two matches in one night.
Hood: Wow, easy Smith…it was only Kabuki Jo
Smith: True…besides, this match was obviously placed as the opening bout to allow Fuller and Bishop as much time as possible to recover.
[Fuller fights to his feet as Danny hangs on to the side headlock. Fuller reaches his feet and he thrusts a few elbows into Danny’s midsection. Danny releases the hold as Fuller sprints into the ropes, he bounces off and Danny spins around, drilling Fuller in the head with a roundhouse kick!! Fuller staggers back into a corner…it’s the only thing keeping him on his feet. Danny sprints in and drills Fuller with a Stinger Splash!! Danny then hooks Fuller’s head for a bulldog…he runs out of the corner and leaps into the air for a bulldog but Fuller throws Danny off of him! Danny goes flying through the air, landing front first in the opposite corner! His legs get tied up into the ropes, leaving him hanging upside down]
Smith: A precarious position if you’re Danny B
Hood: Yea, so much for Side Headlocks
Smith: It was a good idea in theory
Hood: As is communism
[Fuller rushes in, leaps into the air and dropkicks Danny in the face!! The force of the kick springs Danny’s legs from the ropes causing them to fall to the mat, leaving him face down in the corner. Fuller gets to his feet and he looks to inflict more pressure until he hears Ian yelling for a tag. Fuller waits for a moment, weighing his options before finally walking over and tagging Ian Bishop in]
Smith: Tension within Victory Denied perhaps?
Hood: Nah, both guys just like to beat the fuck out of people…Sean has Danny down…why would a guy drive purely to maim and injure want to walk away from that?
Smith: Because he has a tag partner and a second match later this evening.
Hood: He doesn’t think that far ahead
[Bishop lifts Danny to his feet with Danny’s back facing Bishop. Bishop locks his arms around Danny’s waist and he lifts Danny up, setting him on the top turnbuckle with his back to the ring. Bishop climbs up there with Danny…Danny delivers a couple of back elbows to Bishop’s head…Bishop staggers, losing his balance. Danny nails Bishop with a really stiff elbow causing Bishop to fall from the top and land on his back in the middle of the ring. Danny reaches his feet, he looks down at Bishop and leaps off with a flying elbow! Bishop, though, lifts his foot up and he kicks Danny into the face!! Danny’s body falls against the ropes…he slips through the ropes and lands on the metal surface surrounding the ring, nearly falling into the ocean. Jednie rushes over to check on her husband]
Smith: Ouch…Danny B might be missing some teeth after that
Hood: Get that gash out of here!
Smith: EXCUSE ME?
Hood: Figure of speech
Smith: How inappropriately rude!
[Bishop hops to the outside, landing on the metal surface. Jednie stands up and steps away with her hands up. Bishop smirks, knowing full well he has no intention of going after her. His focus is mainly on Danny B. Amber Ryan hops from the apron in front of Jednie, shielding her from any attempt Bishop may throw. Bishop yanks Danny to his feet, ignoring the two women and he knees Danny in the gut. He lifts Danny up for a suplex and drops him onto the metal surface!! Danny lands hard with a loud ‘smack’ as his back arches in pain. The ref yells for them to get back into the ring as his count is nearing five. Bishop gets to his feet…Danny has one foot in the ocean after the move…Bishop yanks Danny to his feet and he hurls him into the ring. Bishop slides in shortly after, breaking the count after seven. Bishop, back into the ring, hops to his feet and he yanks a tired Danny to his…he lifts Danny across his shoulders…Danny tries to fight out of it but before he can, Bishop drills him into the mat with a Death Valley Driver!! Danny is laid out as Bishop goes for a pin]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Not yet…he’s going to need to do more than that to keep The Ripper down
Hood: DVD on the metal thing outside!
Smith: No!
[Bishop, undaunted, reaches his feet and he whips Danny into the nearest corner. Danny slams hard as Bishop hurries into the corner and knees Danny into the midsection. Danny is left gasping for air. Bishop lifts Danny up onto the top turnbuckle and he climbs to the top with him. He hooks Danny, jumps off and drops Danny onto the mat with a Superplex!! The ring shakes from the impact. Bishop climbs on top of Danny, hooking both legs]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Another kick out! What heart shown by Danny B!
Hood: Yea, but that one was closer…Ian is nearing a win here.
Smith: I certainly hope not
[Ian gets to his feet and he helps Danny to his…Danny is staggering in the middle of the ring…Ian runs into the ropes, bounces off and sprints at Danny for a running swinging neck breaker…he grabs Danny’s head, flips him around but Danny slips out, grabs Ian’s head and drills him into the mat with a DDT!! Ian clutches his face in pain, kicking his feet as Danny rolls over onto his stomach, looking to Amber who has her arm extended as far as it will go]
Smith: Yes! Reversal by Danny B!
Hood: Ah fuck it…why a sprinting neck breaker? Fucking why?
Smith: For added impact, I’d imagine
Hood: Yea, well that didn’t work out so well, did it
[Danny gets to his feet first…Bishop shortly thereafter…Danny goes for a spinning back elbow, but Bishop ducks!! Bishop lifts Danny up for an atomic drop…instead, he steps towards the ropes, looking to toss Danny out of the ring. Danny places his feet on the ropes and kicks off, spring-boarding his body away from the ropes…he holds onto Ian’s head as they turn around and Danny drops Ian into the mat with a bulldog!! Ian is fairly motionless after the move as the fans chant “Danny! Danny!”…he starts to crawl for Amber]
Smith: Tremendous reversal by The Ripper…now, he’s got to make the tag.
Hood: To a woman…not like she poses any threat…her hair will just blow into her face again.
Smith: Oh she’s more of a threat than you think…she’s quite possibly the best wrestler in this match.
Hood: HA!
[Bishop makes the tag to Fuller as Danny slaps Amber’s hand. Fuller rushes into the ring with Ryan leaping onto the top turnbuckles...she springs off and wraps her legs around Fuller, taking him to the mat with a Huricanrana!! Instead of pinning him, she remains on top of Fuller drilling him with lefts and rights to the head as Fuller tries to get away. Fuller kicks his leg up, forcing Ryan off of him and stumbling forward. She uses her momentum to rush into the corner and hop onto the second rope. She leaps off, twisting around in mid air…Fuller looks up, but it’s too late…she grabs the back of his head, spins him down and drills him into the mat with a sitout facebuster!! Fuller rolls over onto his back as Ryan goes for the pin]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Kick out by a fresh Sean Fuller
Hood: Yea, taken down by a FRESH Amber Ryan…let’s not skew things, Smith
Smith: I was merely making an observation
Hood: Yea in your own little manipulative fashion
[Ryan hops back to her feet and backs into a corner, waiting for Fuller…Bishop rushes over to the corner and he grabs Ryan by her hair. She tries to fight him off…Fuller gets to his feet and sprints in with a running knee!! Ryan ducks and Fuller nails Bishop!! He falls off the apron and lands onto the steel platform coming INCHES away from falling into the ocean. Fuller looks down at Ian, surprised as Ryan rolls him up]
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP
Smith: Whoa…closest one yet!
Hood: C’mon guys, get on the same fucking page…if you’re going to cheat, get it right!
Smith: So, you admit they cheat
Hood: Everyone cheats, Smith
[Fuller and Ryan get to their feet at the same time…Ryan kicks Fuller in the gut and drops him to the mat with a Swinging Neckbreaker. Fuller is slow to his feet this time, showing tremendous resiliency…Ryan hooks his arm and places her leg around his neck, locking in an Octopus hold!! Fuller grimaces in pain as his neck is being bent severely. His free hand reaches out, but he finds it difficult to reach too far…every time he does, it applies added pressure to the hold]
Smith: An Octopus Hold…this will do some serious damage to a person’s neck.
Hood: Yea and he’s so fucking far from the ropes…you’ve got to be kidding me with this shit.
Smith: I told you…I told you…Amber Ryan may be the best wrestler in this match and, so far, she’s proving it.
Hood: It isn’t fucking over yet…no way am I going to prematurely anoint that red head
[Fuller musters up all the strength he has and lifts Ryan off the mat and onto his back as he’s upright. Ryan maneuvers her body onto his shoulders where she knees him in the temple. He staggers and she falls to her feet in front of Fuller. She kicks Fuller in the gut and drops him with a Snap DDT!! Ryan then crawls across his back, grabs his leg and locks in a Texas Cloverleaf!! Fuller reacts in pain as the crowd goes wild]
Smith: Wow! What a series of moves by Amber Ryan!
Hood: This bitch is tenacious!
Smith: Indeed!
Hood: How many fucking moves does she have, anyway?
Smith: Far more dangerous moves than what we’ve seen to this point
Hood: Great
[Amber cranks back on the hold as Fuller squirms around, trying to find the ropes. He’s too far away though, stuck in the middle of the ring yet again. Fuller’s foot is almost touching the back of his head as Amber is leaning so far back. Fuller refuses to tap even though his leg is seemingly about to snap. Bishop suddenly hops on the apron and tries to enter. The ref rushes over to stop him. Amber turns her attention to Bishop, loosening the hold. Bishop tosses a pair of brass knuckles into the ring. Amber sees them and goes for them…Sean grabs them first. Amber turns and is drilled in the face with the brass knuckles!! Bishop hops off the apron as Sean goes for the pin, placing his hand with the knux out of view from the ref…he counts]
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP
Smith: She kicked out! YES!
Hood: You have got to be fucking kidding me…is there a metal plate in her head?
Smith: No, just a burning desire to win!
Hood: So gay
[Fuller gets to his feet, keeping his armed hand to his side, away from the ref’s sight. He jumps in the air and comes down with a double stomp on the back of Amber’s head! She goes motionless on the mat. Fuller looks over at Bishop who hops onto the apron again, trying to enter. Again, the ref rushes over to stop him. Fuller raises his hand with the knuckles, looking to come down with a vicious strike, ending Amber Ryan’s chances. Suddenly, the crowd goes wild as Danny B rushes behind him and rips the knucks off of his fist. He hurls them into the ocean, runs into the ropes and SPEARS Fuller to the ground!! The crowd goes wild as Bishop’s eyes widen and he falls from the ring, standing on the metal platform. Danny hurries out of the ring to not be caught as both Amber and Fuller are out. Danny yells for Amber to cover Fuller who is knocked out]
Smith: Come on, Amber! Cover him! C’mon!
Hood: Are you kidding me?? Disqualify them right now, how can Lurrr allow this!
Smith: Turnabout is fair play, Hood…Ian and Sean brought an illegal weapon into the game…they started this and if they can’t finish it…well, that’s their own problem.
Hood: No, see, it’s okay for them to cheat…but NOT for Danny and Amber to cheat…that is totally unacceptable
[Amber crawls slowly over to Sean, finally reaching his body. She hooks his leg, securely and goes for a pin, the ref slides in for the count with the crowd counting along]
1!
2!
KICK OUT!
Smith: I can’t believe!
Hood: Awww hell yea!
Smith: It took her too long to cover Sean Fuller…dang it, they had it!
Hood: Too bad, so sad
[Amber gets to her feet and she hurries to tag Danny B in. Danny climbs to the top rope and waits for Fuller to get to his feet…Fuller does and Danny leaps off with a Missile Drop Kick!! Fuller’s body flies across the ring and rolls up against the bottom rope. Danny stands back against the ropes and watches Bishop walk over to Fuller, helping him come to. Fuller gets to his feet and Danny rushes in…Fuller ducks and he lifts Danny B over the top rope and to the outside!! Bishop looks up and he catches Danny in midair!! Bishop then tosses Danny over his head with a Fall Away Slam! Danny lands hard on the metal surface as the fans boo…the ref yells at Bishop who pleads his case…he then makes his way back into their corner]
Smith: I’ve had enough of their antics…it’s making this an impossible situation for our champions.
Hood: Dude, what was he supposed to do? Danny B just leaps through the air at him…Ian was merely defending himself.
Smith: That is NOT how it went down…even Stevie Wonder could see that.
Hood: Who the fuck is that? Some new wrestler Lurrr just signed?
Smith: Nevermind
[Fuller heads to the nearest corner and slowly climbs it, looking down on Danny B who is on all fours, working to regain his footing. Ian looks up at Fuller, shocked to see him going to the top. Danny looks up, seeing Fuller on the top rope…Fuller looks down and sees the very small landing space and sort of freezes, almost trying to figure out what he’s going to do. Danny hops up onto the ring apron and he kicks Bishop in the knee between the ropes causing Bishop to fall off the apron and slam his face into the apron on the way down. Danny jumps and punches Fuller in the face before ascending to the top rope with Fuller. He punches away at Fuller’s head before Fuller returns some punches…the two are suddenly embroiled in an all out brawl on the top rope with the ocean a few feet away…the fans go wild for the fast paced, brutal action]
Smith: It is so tenuous up there…one wrong move and this match could be over.
Hood: Yea, well, if you want to win a title around here you’re going to have to take some risks
Smith: Indeed
[Fuller reaches back for a wild right but Danny ducks…Danny then lunges and hits Fuller with a modified Superman punch!! Fuller nearly falls off onto the metal platform…Danny ascends to the very top and he grabs Fuller’s head, looking for the RKS! He gets Fuller to his feet and leaps off…Bishop reaches up, grabbing Fuller’s leg!! Danny flies across the ring and slams his back into the mat without Fuller following. Fuller is hanging in the corner, in pain, but having avoided a top rope RKS]
Smith: Unbelievable…this is just unbelievable…I’m so mad…I think I could spit!
Hood: Oh please, don’t spit…whatever you do…this is family television
Smith: I’m aware
[Danny gets to his feet and he looks over at Bishop who’s trying to get Fuller conscious. Danny B, angry, sprints at Bishop and he SPEARS Bishop off the apron!! Bishop flies back and tries to catch himself, however, he spills into the ocean and his face slams into the metal surface!! He maintains a grip on the metal surface, keeping his nose from going under as he floats in the ocean, dazed. Danny lifts Fuller up, who’s still hanging in the corner and locks him for another RKS attempt. Fuller, though, bites Danny on the neck…Danny rips at Fuller’s hair and gets away…he touches his neck and finds some blood as Fuller broke the skin. Fuller hops to his feet as Danny goes for another superman man punch, furious. Fuller moves, Danny slams into the corner as Fuller kicks him in the gut and drops him with a Double Arm DDT!! Both men are on the mat as Fuller is still reeling…the fans get anxious, conjuring up a swell of support for Amber and Danny]
Smith: He BIT him? What is he, a vampire?
Hood: Maybe, he does hang out in the dark a lot
Smith: But the sun is clearly out
Hood: Maybe there’s some kind of vampire sunscreen…like SPF 5000 or something that keeps them from dying in the sun.
Smith: Yea…I don’t think so, Hood
[Sean looks over to find his partner gone and unable to tag in. We check the outside as blood is flowing from Ian’s nose…he’s still half in the water, with his upper body hanging onto the metal platform. Sean yells for Ian to wake up. In the midst of that, Danny B has been crawling to tag Amber Ryan back in. Sean looks over and sees Danny B making his way towards his partner. Sean rushes over and grabs Danny by the leg before he can reach Amber. Danny turns around and tries to kick Sean off. Sean reaches down, grabbing Danny by his hair and yanks him up. Danny tries to pull away to tag Amber but he can’t…Amber reaches out, holding onto the tag rope and she slaps Danny in the back! The ref acknowledges it, but Sean doesn’t see. Sean whips Danny into the ropes…as Danny hits we see a chair shot fly from nowhere as Ian drills Danny in the back!! Danny falls to his knees as Ian hops onto the apron and wipes the blood away from under his nose with the fans booing]
Smith: Disqualify him REF!
Hood: He didn’t see it, was too busy signaling that phantom tag
Smith: That was a legit tag…Danny B cannot be pinned
Hood: Oh, yes he can…this is OCW where magic happens
Smith: Ugh
[Sean motions for Ian to climb the top rope as the ref yells at them. Angrily, Sean shoves the ref out of the way]
Smith: He won’t listen to the ref…he’s trying to tell them Danny is not the legal man.
Hood: Nah, that ref just wants tips on how to woo beautiful women
Smith: That is NOT what he wants
Hood: It’s what every man wants
[Amber remains on the apron, watching…despite being the legal person for their team. Sean knees Danny in the face, hard. He lifts Danny up for a powerbomb as Ian reaches the top rope…Ian staggers a bit, nervous about the height. Sean yells at him to get it together…Ian swallows deep and leaps off as Sean powerbombs Danny into a backstabber from Ian!! Danny’s body nearly breaks in half from the impact as Ian hops to his feet high fives Sean. Ian is standing near the ropes]
Smith: What a devastating maneuver Your Victory is Denied…umm, is
Hood: Fuckin brutal…I love it
Smith: Too bad he can’t be pinned
Hood: YES HE CAN
[Suddenly, the crowd rises in excitement as Amber Ryan perches herself on the top turnbuckle…she leaps off and kicks Fuller in the back of the head!! Fuller staggers forward and knocks Ian over the top rope and to the metal surface!! Amber rushes behind Fuller and she rolls him up…the ref slides into view and makes the count]
1!
2!
3!!!!
[The crowd goes crazy as Amber leaps to her feet in adulation with her hand raised in victory]
Belvedere: Here are your winners…AND STILL OCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…AMBER “DISTORTED ANGEL” RYAN AND “THE RIPPER” DANNY B!!!!!
Smith: They did it!! Yes! YESSS
Hood: So fucking lame…how the hell was she allowed to have a fucking picnic after being tagged in…that is some bullshit, man
Smith: More Bee Ess than the antics of Victory Denied throughout THE ENTIRE match?
Hood: YES
[Amber tends to Danny who is possibly injured from Your Victory is Denied. She yells at the ref who gets some medics to the ring. They rolls Danny out of the ring and help him across the walk way and to the beach. Danny asks for his belt…they hand it to him from Belvedere as he is helped to the back. Amber climbs up on the top turnbuckles and motions out to the beach…then the people on the ships and surrounding the ring…they all go crazy for one half of the tag team champions]
Smith: What a moment for Amber Ryan…they caught a ton of flack for never having defended the tag titles they won two months ago and now, well, they just defeated the toughest tag team they could have imagined facing.
Hood: Blah blah blah bullshit fucking gay
Smith: It’s going to be okay, Hood...Fuller and Ian still have championship opportunities
Hood: Grumble grumble grumble!!!!
[Ryan is still on the turnbuckle when Fuller hops onto the apron and rushes over there. Ryan doesn’t notice at first until Fuller grabs her hair and drills her with a punch!! The fans boo loudly as Fuller climbs up onto the top rope. He looks down at Ian who is in the ring. Ian nods…Fuller yanks Ryan up and he powerbombs her from the top rope!! Ian leaps up and drops her with a backstabber!! Ryan’s back looks as though it nearly breaks as she lands on the mat and is left nearly motionless. Fuller hops off the top rope as he and Bishop look down at Ryan with smiles. The fans boo loudly…Ian then looks at Fuller, who nods and heads out of the ring]
Smith: What is this? Stop it right now!
Hood: Oh fuck yes…I am no longer grumbling…I am harrumphing! Harrumph! HARRUMPH!!
Smith: Stop that, it sounds terrible
[Sean emerges with a chair. He tosses it to Ian. Ian picks up a devastated Amber Ryan and throws her to Sean. Sean lifts her up for a powerbomb…he drops her…as Ian leaps up with the chair to his knees and delivers a backstabber with the chair!! Ryan falls to the mat and isn’t moving. Ian gets to his feet and grabs the chair. He kicks Ryan over onto her stomach…he then drills her in the back with the chair. Ian tosses the chair to Fuller…Fuller gives her a chair shot to the back of his own. The due go back and forth this way as the boos fill the Hawaiian atmosphere. Finally…Lurrr stands up from his canopy with a mic in his hand]
Lurrr: Alright, alright, guys…as much as I like to see a bitch get what she deserves, enough is enough.
Smith: We have a heartless owner, Hood
Hood: Are you kidding me? He’s SAVING her life
Smith: Right, he’s just sat back and watched all this…perhaps watched her career RUINED
[Fuller and Ian look up at Lurrr…Fuller lifts the chair up again for another shot]
Lurrr: Nope! When I say enough…I mean ENOUGH. We’ve already had one death tonight…we don’t need two. Besides, you guys need to save your strength for the REAL matches that are later tonight. This was simply an appetizer. Let Amber and Danny have their meaningless tag titles…everyone knows they are the ‘token’ titles of OCW anyway.
[Fuller drops the chair on Ryan before looking to Ian. The duo then exits the ring to a chorus of boos as Lurrr reclaims his throne in the canopy. Medics rush to the ring, along with an injured Danny B to check on Amber, who isn’t moving]
Smith: Danny B’s injuries seem inconsequential at this point…poor Amber
Hood: Give me a break, she knew what she was getting into. You don’t screw over a couple of psycho paths and expect to get away with it.
Smith: How did she screw them over?
Hood: By pinning Fuller
Smith: Oh give me a break! I can’t take anymore of this…let’s go backstage!
[We cut backstage where we see Scott Syren, Mia Stone and Curt Canon hanging out in a locker room. Curt Canon is trying to figure out how to play a CD backwards because he's convinced the Backstreet Boys have left a secret message embedded in their “Black and Blue” album that will give him the key to winning tonight's Lightweight Title match.]
Canon: Well, so much for putting it in upside-down... any other ideas?
Mia: I don't think you can play a CD backwards, Curt... anyway, maybe we could listen to something a little more “high-energy” before our matches???
Syren: Maybe if we snip the power cord, strip the wires, and reverse the polarity...
Mia: You build one ULTIMATE RAINBOW WEAPON and you think you're a master of electronics or something.
[Syren grins like an idiot and shrugs. He looks around the locker room. Pryde and PerZag are conspicuous by their absence. The team should be showing solidarity before another big night.]
Syren: Where the fuck is everybody?
[Mia shrugs. Canon is now trying to manually force the CD to spin backwards while holding down the PLAY button. James Vorex walks into the locker room with a six pack of beer, sees Canon's project, and backs out silently as if he was never there. Clearly he doesn't want to get involved.]
Canon: They'll show up. Speaking of... has anyone seen James? I could use his help.
[Syren and Mia glance at one another like 'should we tell him?' In the end, they decide to ignore the question.]
Syren: It's cool, The Listtakers and Pryde have their own stuff going on and whatever... I just wanted everybody to be here for the special moment.
Mia: Special moment?
[Syren winks like the scoundrel he is.]
Syren: Ohhhh, that's right, did I forget to tell you? Operation Zero may or may not be getting a new member tonight! And he may or may not be an undefeated powerhouse who hasn't been seen around here for a while. Okay, well, I'm going to get some soda and street drugs, I'll catch up with you guys later on.
[Syren leaves without another word, leaving Canon and Mia to stare blankly at one another.]
Hood: I wonder if Canon is ever going to uncover the Satanic messages in that Backstreet Boys CD!
Smith: More importantly, where the heck is the rest of Operation Zero? And who is their new member?!
Hood: I don't know where the fucking heck they are, why are you asking me?
Smith: Rhetorical!
Hood: Do you think the new member could be TGO?! That would be awesome!
Smith: Why would you ever say a thing like that? It's not like there have been any hints dropped whatsoever that TGO could be coming back tonight...
Hood: Actually, I'm pretty sure--
Smith: Sarcasm! Anyway, folks we have five more awesome matches to get to before any ‘surprises’…including our ‘Oh Shoot’ match
Hood: Oh Shit match
Smith: That too…this match, is for a contract…the winner of that contract can cash it it on any given night on any given champion…if that champion is booked. Pretty valuable stuff
Hood: Oh sure…I just want to see people fly into the ocean
Smith: You’re guaranteed to get that five times…let’s go down to ringside!
Hood: Five Times, Five Times, Five Times, Five Times…..FIVE FUCKING TIMES!
Over the Top Rope and Into the Ocean Battle Royal
Ehud of Moab (4-2) vs. Itsumade (2-0) vs. Mark Storm (2-0) vs. Hollywood Skyes (1-1) vs. Ryan Hollywood (0-2) vs. THE Richard of Dwerk (2-11)
[All the competitors are in the ring as this match is set to begin]
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the over the top rope and into the Ocean match for an “Oh Shit” Contract which can be cashed in on any champion at any time when they are booked to wrestle.
[Belvedere exits, heads down the walk way and sounds the bell as this match is now underway]
Smith: This should be interesting
Hood: My money is on Ehud…I don’t think the opponents are going to want to break his hip or neck by tossing him out.
Smith: Yea, that and the fact he’s a pretty decent competitor
Hood: Nah, that had nothing to do with my decision making process
[Ehud walks up to Richard and offers a handshake…Richard goes for it…Ehud then delivers the BIBLICAL left hook to Richard! Richard flies over the top rope and crashes into the ocean, instantly eliminated]
Smith: And Richard’s OCW legacy continues to be solidified
Hood: To be fair, it was the Biblical Left Hook
Smith: A fairly strong punch, sure…but strong enough to send him over the top rope into the ocean? Hardly
Hood: I’m glad I picked Ehud after seeing that
Smith: Yea, well he’s still got a long way to go Mark Storm and Itsumade won’t be easy to defeat.
[Hollywood Skyes and Ryan Hollywood instantly go after Storm, double teaming him in a corner. Meanwhile, Ehud is attacked by Itsumade, who rushes in and drills him with a flying knee. Ehud falls through the ropes, but lands onto the metal surface]
Smith: So much for Ehud’s momentum
Hood: Yea and those Hollywood guys are trying to take out Mark Storm…
Smith: That’s the danger of when you put a tag team in a battle royal
Hood: Oh, they are a tag team
Smith: Yes, you really should watch the matches you call
[Ryan has Storm stuck in the corner as Skyes takes a few steps back…he then sprints in. As he does, Storm drops Ryan with a head butt and he then lifts Skyes over the corner and all the way into the ocean, eliminating him!! Storm then starts to stomp away on Ryan Hollywood]
Smith: So much for that tag team advantage…I guess Lurrr knew what he was doing after all.
Hood: Yea, I mean if each member of the tag team is like a quarter of a man...together they make half a man.
Smith: Spot on math there, Hood
Hood: You damn right
[Itsumade knees Ehud in the gut and hooks him…he lifts Ehud into the air and drops him back into the ring with a suplex! Itsumade then perches himself on the second rope and he leaps off with a guillotine leg drop, keeping Ehud down on the mat and his greatest weapon, fists, incapable of being utilized]
Smith: All Ehud can do is really punch…so being on the ground is not a good spot for him.
Hood: You can punch from the ground…he could Biblical Left Hook Itsumade in the shin or something
Smith: Doubtful
Hood: I’m just saying…it could happen
[Storm lifts Ryan to his feet and he whips him into the ropes…Ryan bounces off and Storm puts his head down. He then lifts Ryan high up into the air and over the top rope, splashing into the water, eliminating him. The fans cheer for Ryan’s elimination]
Hood: I guess Ryan wasn’t very well liked?
Smith: No, I think the fans are just excited that wrestlers who actually tried are left in this match…well, I guess in Ehud’s case…semi-tried.
Hood: Lay off the man, he’s got bathroom problems.
Smith: Okay, fine
[Storm looks on as Itsumade lifts Ehud to his feet..Ehud throws a wild punch and it connects!! Itsumade falls back into a corner as Ehud walks up in a boxer’s stance and starts to punch Itsumade in the gut and the head back and forth, pummeling away trying to take control. Storm, realizing that this is a good thing…sits back, enjoying watching Itsumade getting beat up]
Smith: Ehud is unleashing a PLAGUE of fists
Hood: Yes, he calls that the Seven Deadly Punches
Smith: A Revelation of offense
Hood: Those aren’t his PSALMS he’s slapping Itsumade with…those are his FISTS
Smith: Yea, we’re reaching now
Hood: Fuckin ay
[Itsumade finally ducks a wild punch from Ehud…he flips Ehud around in the corner and drills Ehud with several punches of his own, sending the old man reeling. Itsumade then lifts Ehud up, over his head in a Gorilla Press Slam position…he heads over to the ropes and he tosses the Sheriff into the Ocean!! The crowd cheers as Itsumade and Storm are the two contestants remaining]
Smith: There goes your pick
Hood: Geriatric fuck
Smith: He’s on a two match losing streak, what did you expect?
Hood: I don’t know…and where the hell is Grimace? An Ehud without Grimace is like Pancakes without syrup
[Storm rushes in as Itsumade is still in the corner, looking at Ehud. Storm drives in with a splash, squashing the front side of Itsumade into the corner! Itsumade staggers out as Storm hooks him around the waist, lifts him up and tosses him into the middle of the ring with a release German Suplex!! Itsumade lands hard and grabs his head and neck in pain]
Smith: Savvy move by Mark Storm…he sat back, let Itsumade do all the work and then capitalized.
Hood: Smart wrestling…makes you wonder why so many of the wrestlers in OCW are fucking dumb as shit
Smith: It’s called competitive nature, Hood…sometimes people just want to get into the fray.
Hood: Morons…MORONS
[Storm lifts Itsumade to his feet and drills him with some stiff forearm uppercuts. Itsumade staggers against the ropes. Storm whips him off the ropes and steps into the middle of the ring. Storm puts his head down…Itsumade flips over Storm, bounces off the ropes again…Storm turns around and is drilled with a flying forearm!! Storm rolls towards the ropes and under the bottom rope! He gets to his feet and finds himself standing on the metal platform, inches from the ocean]
Smith: Mark Storm caught a vicious forearm and now he’s close to losing this match!
Hood: Get back in the ring!
Smith: Big Mark Storm fan now?
Hood: Not really…I just like him more than Itsumade
Smith: Okay
[Itsumade rushes at Storm and goes for a spear…Storm moves! Storm rushes for the top turnbuckle and quickly scales it. Itsumade gets out of the ropes as Storm leaps off and hooks Itsumade’s head, dropping him with a Tornado DDT!! Storm then gets back to his feet…he yanks Itsumade to his feet again and kicks him in the gut. He lifts Itsumade up and over his shoulder and drills him into the mat with a Running Powerslam!! Storm hops to his feet and throws his hair back, pointing for the ocean]
Smith: Mark Storm thinks it’s time for Itsumade to get wet
Hood: Itsumade is a girl??
Smith: No..that’s not what that…err…well, not what it meant in that context…err…would you just shut up!
Hood: Sorry, but you’re confusing the fuck out of me
[Storm yanks Itsumade to his feet and goes to toss him over the top rope. He does! Itsumade, though, holds onto the top rope and lands on the metal surface! Storm punches Itsumade in the face, trying to knock him into the Ocean…Itsumade finally blocks a punch and he grabs Storms head, turns around and drops him with a stunner across the top rope!! Storm falls back onto the mat as Itsumade’s legs hit the water…he quickly pulls them back in]
Hood: He’s eliminated! Mark Storm wins!
Smith: No he’s not…if you actually READ THE RULES you’d see where his ENTIRE BODY has to go into the ocean.
Hood: Well that doesn’t seem fair to Mark Storm
Smith: Why not?
Hood: Because he’s not the winner right now
[Itsumade hops back to his feet and quickly scales the nearest corner from outside the ring. Storm reaches his feet as Itsumade leaps off and drills him with a Double Axe Handle!! Storm falls to the mat…Itsumade kicks up to his feet and rushes back to the nearest corner…he stands atop it and looks down at Storm, who isn’t moving. He then leaps off and drills Storm with The Falcon Fire Splash (Corkscrew 450 Splash w/ pin)…Itsumade doesn’t pin him though, because he isn’t a moron]
Smith: That’s Itsumade’s finisher! All he has to do now is pick Storm up and toss him into the ocean.
Hood: For the sharks!
Smith: There are no sharks
Hood: Mark Storm is going to sleep with the fishes tonight
Smith: I’m sure someone will pull him out
Hood: You have to ruin everything
[Itsumade yanks Storm to his feet and he hurls him over the top rope…Storm lands on the metal surface, holding onto the top rope just as Itsumade did earlier. Itsumade rushes into the ropes and he bounces off…he goes for another spear but Storm moves!! Itsumade goes flying through the ropes but his feet catch the middle rope, keeping him from flying into the ocean! Instead, his arms and face hit the water. Storm starts to kick Itsumade in the stomach as he wraps his feet around the rope]
Smith: Itsumade nearly eliminated himself!
Hood: What a dumbass. Take off that mask…not like you’re any uglier without it
Smith: Actually…
Hood: Yea, I’ve see him without it…but that mask is hideous so it’s a fucking wash
[Storm throws another kick…Itsumade catches it!! He legs go of the rope with his legs and hops to his feet on the metal surface…he flips Storm over and locks him into a Boston Crab!! Storm yells out in pain as he tries to reach for the ropes! He grabs them but there is no break forced as this is not a standard rules match…Itsumade leans back, applying tremendous amounts of pressure]
Smith: What a submission move…he’s really sitting back on that one!
Hood: Oh yea, great…but he can’t fucking win with it…just THROW THE GUY INTO THE OCEAN
Smith: He’s weakening Storm…it’s a process
Hood: It wasn’t with the Hollywood guys
Smith: Yea, well, they are Richardian in terms of talent
Hood: Nice, I like that word
[Itsumade finally releases the hold as he lifts Storm up for a spinebuster…Storm blocks it by kneeing Itsumade in the gut!! Storm falls back to his feet with Itsumade’s head hooked…he lifts Itsumade up and drops him onto the steel with a Jumping DDT!! Storm then points for the ocean as the crowd cheers]
Smith: Here we go…Storm for the win
Hood: Thank goodness…about time somebody with some talent won tonight
Smith: This is ONLY our second match
Hood: Yea, I know
[Storm lifts Itsumade for a powerbomb and goes to toss him into the ocean…Itsumade, though, holds on with his legs and he tosses Storm fully into the ocean with a Huricanrana!! Itsumade holds onto the metal surface so that only his lower half enters into the ocean. Storm disappears underneath the water with a huge splash as the bell rings]
Belvedere: Here is your winner and the owner of the “Oh Shit” Contract…ITSUMADE!!!!!
Smith: Tremendous win for Itsumade! I think a lot of people had Storm pegged to win tonight.
Hood: Fuck…I know I did…aside from Ehud…horrible event thus far.
Smith: Cheer up Hood…I’m sure your mind will change eventually
Hood: Never
Smith: This now means that Itsumade can cash in his contract on any champion on any night that champion is booked…we may very well be looking at a future Central, Southern or Western Champ, Hood?
Hood: Ugh, another masked freak
Smith: Indeed! Let’s cut to some seriously interesting video footage…
[We suddenly cut away to a shot of the underground Mexican prison we’ve grown accustomed to this month. Several Hispanic authorities are rushing around in a frenzy yelling stuff in Mexican that we really can’t understand. Our view point turns, slowly to the cell with the now infamous prisoner inside. The door is open and nobody is inside. We cut back to the live feed]
Smith: The Prisoner has escaped!
Hood: That damn Paulo…if you can’t trust a Mexican jailor then, who can you trust?
Smith: I will reserve my judgment on Paulo until I find out who was actually in that cell.
Hood: You’re such a fucking dipshit
Smith: I can only assume he’s heading here…tonight?
Hood: Well, duh…they wouldn’t just show that for not fucking reason
[We focus on Lurrr as he doesn’t seem too bothered by the video. He whispers something to Mathis who relays it to one of his several guards underneath the canopy. They work to increase their presence around the beach as we focus back on Smith and Hood]
Hood: Yep, Lurrr’s go this covered…no ‘Scorpion’ tonight
Smith: Indeed…folks, it’s time for OCW’s first ever Walk the Plank match…for the Internet Title
Hood: I hope a shark LEAPS out of the ocean and eats someone not named PerZag
Smith: That leaves only one person
Hood: Exactly
Smith: Okay, well, let’s go down to ringside and hope Hood’s wish does not come true
Walk the Plank Match
PerZag © (8-2) vs. Jason Xavier (6-6)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a Walk the Plank Match where a participant must walk across the plank, retrieve the title and return it to the ring in order to be declared the winner. This match is for the OCW Internet Championship!!
[The crowd goes wild, excited for this new OCW innovation. Suddenly, “Lights Out" By Hollywood Undead begin to blast through the speakers on the beach, white smoke fills the entrance as a figure steps in and can be seen in the smoke and Jason X stands at the top of the entrance with his arms up in an X form. He continues to walk down the ramp and enters the ring; he then climbs the turnbuckles and again puts his arms in an X form]
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada…standing 5’10 and weighing in at 216lbs…Jason Xavier!!
[ ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ by Survivor starts to play over the speakers on the beach. A hooded figure walks on to the entrance ramp. The hooded figure stands still on the stage. The hooded figure walks down to the ring slowly. He gets into the ring and stands in the center of it. He slowly removes the hood and shows his hideous scars throughout the arena. 'Eye Of The Tiger' by Survivor stops playing as PerZag walks over to a corner in the ring and crouches down near it]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Benalla…standing 6’5 and weighing in at 216lbs…he is the OCW Internet Champion…PerZag!!
[Zag hand his title over to Belvedere who exits the ring and hustles back onto shore to ring the bell. It sounds as this match is underway]
Smith: Well…a walk the plank match
Hood: I’m so fucking ready!
Smith: Count me in as curious
Hood: Bi-curious?
Smith: NO!
Hood: Whoa, easy there…Mr. Bi-Curious
Smith: I’M NOT BI-CURIOUS
[Zag and Xavier quickly lock up in the center of the ring…Zag pushes Xavier against the ropes and quickly whips him off the ropes…Xavier hits the ropes and bounces off…Zag leaps into the air and he drills Xavier with a dropkick!! Xavier falls to the mat, roughly, clutching the back of his head in pain as Zag reaches his feet, posing for the crowd…they shower him with boos]
Smith: A perfectly executed dropkick from PerZag
Hood: Hey…wait a minute…do you think the Per stands for perfect?
Smith: What else could it stand for?
Hood: Perverted, persecution, permission, pervasive, persnickety…
Smith: WE GET IT
[Zag turns his attention back to Xavier as he yanks Xavier to his feet and whips him into the corner…Xavier hits hard. Zag runs in and spears Xavier into the corner!! Zag then lifts Xavier up and hoists him onto his shoulder. He stands in the corner and sprints towards the middle of the ring, drilling Xavier into the mat with a Running Powerslam!! Xavier is laid out as Zag rolls out of the ring and looks underneath it]
Smith: PerZag in total control here early on
Hood: I’m starting to think the Internet Title isn’t worth of PerZag
Smith: Really? The title Syren and K[bleep] held?
Hood: I know that first guy…he’s pretty fucking cool
Smith: I’d assume PerZag, IF he wins tonight, might turn his sights to bigger and better things…but you never know, some people are content with the Internet Title
Hood: Heh, yea, some FAGS
[Zag emerges from underneath the ring with a steel chair. He slides it into the ring and enters shortly after. Xavier is on his feet with his back to Zag. Zag picks up the chair and heads towards Xavier with it…Xavier leaps into the air with a spinning wheel kick and slams the chair into Zag’s face!! Zag falls backwards, dropping the chair and grabbing his face in pain as the fans erupt with unexpected applause]
Smith: The use of a chair backfired on PerZag!
Hood: Fucking Xavier…I think he’s on drugs…he’s always jumping around and kicking and flipping…gets SUPER annoying
Smith: You didn’t mind it when he was in the Family
Hood: Yea, that’s because flipping and kicking was so April…we’re in May now, mother fucker
[Xavier yanks Zag to his feet with the chair still in the ring. He wraps his arms around Zag’s midsection, lifts him up and drops him with Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex with Zag landing squarely on the chair!! Xavier then rushes to the nearest corner with Zag still lying on the chair. Xavier hops onto the top rope and leaps off with a Guillotine leg drop onto Zag, slamming him into the chair!! Zag grabs the back of his head and neck in pain]
Smith: And now Jason Xavier is using PerZag’s weapon of choice against him
Hood: I don’t know why he doesn’t just pick the fucking thing up and drills PerZag in the head a couple of times…it’s not that complicated.
Smith: That would be effective, sure…but what he’s chosen to do is working all the same…and, once he gets PerZag where he wants him, he can attempt a shot at the title.
Hood: That’s a long walk
Smith: Which requires a badly beaten opponent
[Xavier picks up the chair, waiting for Zag…Zag uses the ropes to get to his feet. When he does, he turns around and is smacked in the head with the chair. He falls against the ropes as Xavier throws the chair at Zag. Zag, still standing against the ropes, catches the chair out of instinct…Xavier then lunges forward with a superkick, drilling the chair into PerZag’s face!! PerZag falls through the ropes and lands harshly on the metal surface surrounding the ring. We can see a cut on his forehead as all the chair abuse has finally taken its toll]
Smith: And our Internet Champion is BUSTED wide open
Hood: Oh man, if that gets into the ocean…Sharks while walking the plank…shit could get real
Smith: Makes you wonder if Lurrr really thought this through
Hood: Even if he did, which he didn’t…it’s not like he would’ve cared. You know Lurrr…one person quits, gets fired or experiences a horrible death…you just bring another competitor in…the machine keeps rolling.
Smith: Indeed
[Xavier hops out of the ring and stares the plank down. It’s extremely narrow and a good twenty yards in length. He looks over at Zag who is still on his back, blood dripping from his cut. Xavier starts to cross the plank. He moves fast, at first…but nearly falls into the ocean…so he stops, balancing himself. He quickly realizes he’s going to have to take this slow and does. Zag can hear the crowd cheering and knows something is up. He looks over and sees Zag nearing the halfway point. Zag forces himself to his feet and he reaches into the ring, grabbing the chair. He walks near the plank and throws the chair at Xavier…it slams Xavier in the back of the head…the impact is more of an annoyance than anything, however, the unexpected nature of the blow is enough to cause Xavier to fall into the ocean. The fans boo as he is forced to swim back to the start with Zag waiting on him]
Smith: Darn it! Xavier was close…so close
Hood: Not really, he still had to RETURN with the title…that’s actually going to be really fucking tough now that I’ve witnessed an attempt.
Smith: Yea…I agree
[Xavier reaches the metal surface as PerZag stomps on his head, dunking him under the water. Xavier scrambles with his arms, trying to get to the surface, but Zag won’t let him. The ref rushes out, even though this technically is legal, pleads with Zag. Zag finally removes his foot and he reaches down, yanking Xavier out of the ocean. Xavier spits a mouthful of salt water into Zag’s eyes! Zag staggers back, blinking rapidly to get the salt out of his vision. Xavier tosses his wet hair back as he hops onto the ring steps and leaps off with a flying lariat!! Zag falls back, landing hard on the metal surface. Xavier falls into the ocean, but it doesn’t bother him as he’s already soaked. He climbs back out and rushes to the steel steps…he scales them and then climbs to the top turnbuckle, looking down on Zag who is on one knee…Zag finally reaches his feet as Xavier leaps off and drills Zag face first into the metal surface with a Bulldog!!! Zag’s face SLAMS into the metal surface as Xavier grabs his posterior…it, too, slammed into the metal. Xavier is in a lot of pain while Zag isn’t moving]
Smith: Wow! What a move by Jason Xavier…taking his own safety and throwing it up in the air to try and seriously injure PerZag
Hood: Ya know, the stipulation of this match makes it fucking dangerous…your opponent needs to basically die for you to get that damn title.
Smith: It does raise the stakes
Hood: No, it makes it fucking dangerous
[Xavier gets to his feet and kicks his legs around…he jumps up and down a few times, working the pain out of his lower half. Zag is slowly moving with a puddle of blood under his face. Xavier decided to make another attempt at retrieving the title. He starts off slowly…but with more confidence having already attempted this once. He reaches the halfway point as PerZag is on his feet, leaning against the ring apron. He looks out at Xavier and goes after him. Zag makes his way for the plank and walks after Xavier…Zag is much more adept at this than Xavier, displaying tremendous balance and the right amount of creepiness. He reaches Xavier as Xavier is nearly ¾ of the way to the platform. Zag tries to push Xavier off…Xavier teeters back and forth, doing everything he can to maintain his balance]
Smith: Uh oh…if Xavier goes over…PerZag is probably going to win this!
Hood: Shit yea…there’s no way he can swim back in time…not with how AMAZINGLY agile PerZag is
Smith: I’m telling ya, our Internet Champion continues to surprise
Hood: The only thing that could stop him now is if someone randomly shoots him…which, if you keep up with PerZag’s day to day activities…could very well happen.
Smith: Let’s hope not
[Xavier elbows Zag in the ribcage, trying to do whatever he can to stay on the plank and return the favor. Zag turns around and clotheslines Xavier! Xavier falls off the plank and into the water with Zag maintaining his balance. The fans boo as Xavier’s head pops up from the water…he swims to the plank and shoves PerZag’s legs apart!! Zag falls and gets crotched on the plank!! His face contorts in pain as he slowly slides off and into the water. Both men now have to swim back to the ring area]
Smith: Smart thinking by Jason Xavier!
Hood: CHEATER…so much fucking cheating tonight…these people are ruthless pirates
Smith: Well, this is a Walk the Plank match
Hood: I guess, if the hat fits
Smith: Shoe
Hood: Nah, I only wear flip flops when I’m on the beach
Smith: Forget it
[Xavier reaches the metal surface first as Zag is taking his sweet time due to his groin area suffering significant damage. Xavier hustles towards the ring and searches underneath it. He finds a pair of wire cutters and holds them, ready for PerZag to emerge from the water. Zag does and he is drilled in the face with the wire cutters!! Zag falls onto the metal surface with more blood pouring from his cut which is now a gash]
Smith: Jason Xavier has basically dominated this match up to this point…busting open PerZag and nearly making it across the plank twice.
Hood: He’s still Un-Worthy
Smith: Perhaps…but not for much longer, it would appear
Hood: He can’t beat PerZag…this is just a giant cock tease for idiots like yourself
Smith: I will have you know my penis is not being teased
Hood: Oh, yea, I forgot…Dangerous Dan hasn’t appeared yet
Smith: Stop that!
[Xavier tosses the wire cutters into the ring and searches for something else…his body stops moving as he slowly emerges…his face is uncovered by the apron with a look of excitement. He unearths a pair of handcuffs! The crowd goes wild]
Smith: Handcuffs! Now the game has changed!
Hood: Okay, Jason Xavier holding a pair of cuffs…your cock is definitely being teased
Smith: Leave me and my private parts alone
[Xavier hurls Zag into the ring and he slides in behind him with the cuffs. Xavier latches them onto the bottom rope…he grabs Zag’s hand and goes to secure its wrist in the other cuff…Zag yanks it away, suddenly realizing what’s about to go down. Xavier drops the cuffs, leaving them hanging from the bottom rope. He walks over to Zag and stomps on him…Zag, though, reaches up and grabs Xavier’s leg, taking him down with a dragon screw leg whip!! Xavier falls to the mat, holding his knee in pain]
Smith: A move out of desperation paid off for PerZag
Hood: Shit yea, he was about to have his ass cuffed to the rope and, well, that would’ve been it.
Smith: Indeed
[Zag gets to his feet…Xavier isn’t far behind…Xavier walks with a bit of a limp as he reaches back, looking to chop Zag across the chest…Zag quickly reaches out, clutching Xavier around the throat! Zag hoists Xavier up high and drills him into the mat with a chokeslam!! Zag then looks for the cuffs..he sees them hanging from the bottom rope and turns his attention back to Xavier]
Smith: Apparently PerZag is going to use Xavier’s strategy against him
Hood: Well, why not? It was good fucking strategy…even for a guy who joined the Family
Smith: The Family was all the rage back then
Hood: Yea, okay, I’ll give you that…but this guy joined AFTER Maurako vanished
Smith: Okay, you’ve got me there
[Zag pulls Xavier to his feet but Xavier responds with a few forearm uppercuts which send Zag staggering back. Xavier falls against the ropes, looking to bounce off, but Zag lunges forward and he clotheslines Xavier over the top rope! Xavier lands on the apron, holding onto the top rope. Zag reaches down and grabs Xavier by his hair…Xavier reaches up and he grabs Zag by his hair…blood drips from Zag’s cut, into Xavier’s eyes…he wipes them clean with his free hand before hopping off the apron and ramming Zag’s throat over the top rope!! Zag staggers back, grasping his throat in pain. Xavier quickly hops back onto the apron and stands, holding the top rope, waiting for Zag to turn around. Zag finally does and Xavier leaps up, onto the top rope while turning his back to Zag and leaps off, turning around in the air again and hooking Zag’s head, drilling him into the mat with a springboard 720 Tornado DDT!! Zag’s head crushes hard into the mat as his body lands near the cuffs. The beach goes wild with applause as Xavier sits up, breathing heavily]
Smith: Wow! What a move…I believe he calls that the X-DDT!
Hood: Shit, man, that guy won’t stay down…he’s fucking determined.
Smith: He’s had a few shots at this belt…perhaps tonight is his night?
Hood: You nailed it! Per stands for Perhaps! Yea!
Smith: That would be a huge disappointment…if it were true.
[Xavier crawls over where Zag is lying and he obtains the cuffs…he quickly cuffs Zag’s arm to the ropes before rolling out of the ring. Zag instantly realizes what took place as he starts to squirm around and react with anger and anxiety. Xavier laughs at Zag’s actions before turning his attention to the plank. He stands at the head of it and takes a deep breath, beginning his walk across]
Smith: PerZag is cuffed to the ropes! This one is over!
Hood: This fucking sucks…FUCKING sucks
Smith: Yes, we all heard you the first time
Hood: FOOOOOKING SUCKS
Smith: No need switching up the pronunciation…we got it
Hood: Faaaaaaaa
Smith: ENOUGH!
[Xavier starts on the plank and is making steady progress. Zag tries ripping his hand out of the cuff…he slides it down to the corner, trying to detach the rope…but can’t. Zag crawls over and slams his fist into the mat, angry…that’s when he sees the wire cutters lying a few feet away. Eagerly, he crawls for them, reaching out to grab them…they are barely out of his reach…he pulls and yanks and reaches…his fingers finally touch the tip of them…he needs to pull further…his wrist is beginning to bleed from the stress of the metal cuffs]
Smith: How bad does he want those wire cutters? Bad enough to rip the skin off his hand
Hood: Oh don’t be so fucking dramatic…he’s got a far worse cut on his head, I think he’ll be OKAY
Smith: I don’t know, I’ve seen Rated R movies
Hood: WHAT? You’re allowed to watch those now?
Smith: Shaddup
[Xavier is ¾ across the plank as far as he’s been. Back inside the ring, Zag finally obtains the wire cutters with blood running down his cuffed arm. He rolls over and quickly snaps the link in between the cuffs in half. He steps out of the ring, ignoring his lacerated wrist and walks across the plank after Xavier. Xavier finally reaches the platform where the Internet Title resides, simply enough, in the middle. The platform is not nearly as secure as the ring…this is made obvious by it floating around once Xavier hopped onto it. He bends over and grabs the Internet Title. Xavier turns around towards the plank…as he does, he is met with a spear from Zag!! Xavier falls onto the platform, dropping the title. Zag goes off on him with lefts and rights…blood from his head and wrist begin to collect on Xavier’s face, turning it a crimson shade]
Smith: PerZag has apparently had enough of this nonsense
Hood: Shit man, he’s going off on Xavier…I guess that’s what happens when you cuff a man in a Walk the Plank match
Smith: Indeed
[Zag finally finishes and stands up on his feet. Xavier is lying on the platform…he rolls over onto his side, holding his face in pain. It’s covered in blood…we know some of that is PerZag’s…we can’t tell if any of it is Xavier’s. Zag bends over and he grabs the Internet Title…he motions for the plank…Xavier kicks his leg out, tripping Zag! Zag drops the title…it lands near the edge of the platform…he almost falls into the ocean, but maintains his balance. He turns his attention back to Xavier…Xavier is on his feet staggering around]
Smith: Not yet, PerZag…you’re going to have to put him down if you want to leave that platform with the Internet Title
Hood: Shit man, that guy just won’t quit…could you imagine if a guy who had AIDS wrestled
Smith: Huh…what?
Hood: Think about how suspenseful every match would be
Smith: I seriously hope that has never happened…EVER
Hood: Oh, you might be surprised. What if you had a fed with nothing BUT people with AIDS…I bet title reigns wouldn’t last very long.
Smith: And why’s that
Hood: They’d all die off
Smith: Okay, stop…please, STOP
[Zag throws a stiff right hand…Xavier ducks and Xavier kicks Zag into the gut! Zag doubles over as Xavier hooks him for the X-Driver(Canadian Destroyer)! The crowd goes wild. Xavier leaps up, but Zag holds onto his legs and he spinbusters him into the platform!!! Xavier lands hard but shoots back to his feet…not all there, mentally. Zag gets to his feet and he kicks Xavier in the gut, hooks him and delivers PerZag Perfection(Perfect Plex)!! Xavier’s body splashes into the ocean as Zag legs go of his head and leg, allowing him to float away. Zag sits up, shaking his head and regaining his wits. He sees the Internet title about to fall into the ocean…he reaches over, grabbing it before it slides off and sinks to the bottom]
Smith: That was a close one
Hood: Yea…but that’s the only thing close right now…Xavier is done
Smith: It would appear so
[Zag takes his time getting to his feet when he looks over and is met with shock…Xavier is swimming back to the ring. Zag realizes he doesn’t have much time as he hops onto the plank and makes his way across, trying to beat Xavier. Xavier reaches the metal platform first as Zag is nearly at the end of the plank. Xavier gets to his feet, still a bit out of it and finding his equilibrium, when standing, to be less than desirable. He shakes his head and goes after Zag. Zag reaches the end of the plank and lunges forward, drilling Xavier in the head with the Internet Title!! Xavier falls back, slamming the back of his head into the metal surface. His head tilts to the side with his eyes shut as he’s totally unconscious. Zag then rolls into the ring under the bottom rope as the bell sounds. The ref helps him to his feet, raising Zag’s arm in victory]
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND STILL OCW INTERNET CHAMPION…PERZAG!!!!!
[PerZag staggers around as the fans give him a nice round of applause, having appreciated the match they just witnessed. Zag falls through the ropes, trying to get out…landing on one knee. He picks himself up on the metal ramp, tosses the belt over his shoulder and slides his wet hair out of his face. The giant gash in his forehead is visible as he rolls into the ring]
Smith: Wow, what a match! PerZag, once again, proves why he is Worthy and why he is our Internet Champion
Hood: Fuck yea…even with a gash wider than Amanda Bynes vagina, he still gets it done
Smith: Okay…moving on…thoughts on our first Walk the Plank match?
Hood: I’m a fan…but, ya know, it’s not like we’re going to have event over the ocean all the time…but for this show, yea, it was fucking cool.
Smith: Indeed
[PerZag stays standing in the ring. He asks Belvedere for a mic, and Belvedere hands him one]
PerZag: “I stand in the middle of this ring for one thing only. I want to know who attacked me last week. Who was the man who attacked me during my promo video. I want you down to this ring now. I want to know the man that took me out. I want a fight. A true fight.”
Smith: “Didn’t he just have a fight.”
Hood: “Do you not know who that is. It is PerZag. He can have more than one fight in a night. He could take on like 100 people at once.”
Smith: “I doubt it.”
Hood: “You must be on his Unworthy List.”
[PerZag looks down at the stage, not actually expecting anyone to come. PerZag turns around quickly to realise that no one was trying to sneak up on him either. PerZag looks back over the crowd]
PerZag: “Come down here you Unworthy piece of shit. Come down here and prove your worth to me.”
[PerZag looks over the arena once again, expecting someone to come in]
PerZag: “You called for it. I am going to come out there to look for you. You had your last chance to show yourself. I am going back there.”
[All of a sudden a man covered in nothing but black attacks PerZag from behind. He beats him to the ground with punches, and kicks. The mystery man picks PerZag up and gives him the Torture Rack. PerZag screams out in pain. The mystery man throws PerZag to the ground, and he winces in pain. The mystery man runs off, back through the crowd. PerZag is on the ground, groaning in pain, but decides against it. He gets up fighting through the pain that was given to him and runs after the mystery man through the crowd]
Smith: “Another cheap shot from this mystery man.”
Hood: “I wonder who it is.”
Smith: “Isn’t it obvious.”
Hood: “No. I have no clue who it is.”
Smith: “Its...”
Hood: “No. Spoiler Alert. Spoiler Alert. Let me figure it out for myself.
Smith: Alright, fine…you can wait like everyone else…let’s go backstage
[We go to a nearby building where the wrestlers have been staying. We appear to be in complete darkness. Although you can't see anything, you just have the feeling that someone, or something, is there. The door opens to the right, and the light comes in from outside, showing Scott Syren looking inside. With the additional light, you can see the man sitting in the gloom: the OCW Southern Heavyweight Champion, Pryde. He doesn't react to the opening door, nor Syren's appearance. His eyes are locked on whatever is in front of him. Syren leaves the door open and steps in, unusually hesitant for him]
Scott Syren: Hi, Pryde, I've been looking around for you. We heard about what happened to that guy you hang out with, Grant, right?
[Pryde says nothing. He doesn't even move. He just keeps staring]
Scott Syren: Anyway, Perzag and the rest, they said we should look for you, so I said I would, but then I found this ice cream sandwich place down the way which was great, since it's so hot, but then I figured I should keep looking again, and Scoot picked up your scent and led me here, and, to make a long story not so short, here I am. How you doing? Want an ice cream sandwich?
[Pryde's still quiet. He hasn't moved from the seat]
Scott Syren: Okay, I see you're still wanting to brood, and I get that. I've done that before. But if you want to talk, I'm sure Mia or someone else is a good listener.
[Pryde suddenly stands up. He grabs the chair that he was sitting on and lifts it into the air, yelling loudly as he flings it forward, smashing it into the mirror in front of him that he's been staring into. It shatters into a million pieces. Syren steps back, surprised by the sudden yell and assault. His movement is enough for Pryde to move past him, leaving out the room and disappearing down the hallway. We go back to ringside]
Hood: Fuck! Southern champion out of control!
Smith: News broke last Friday that Pryde's brother-in-law, Grant, had been killed in an apparent car bombing. Honestly, I don't know if he's fit to compete tonight considering his state of mind.
Hood: It sure looked to me that the guy is going to fight whether Lurrr okays it or not! The only question is, will that fight be in the ring?
Smith: I guess we’ll have to wait until later to find out…but, something tells me the match will go on as planned
Hood: A psychopath against a man out for blood…ohhh yea, I can’t fucking WAIT!
Smith: Easy, Tiger! Well, folks…up next we have the highly anticipated LightWeight Title match with Curt Canon defending against Dangerous Dan. I for one…
[Suddenly, “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio blares through the speakers on the beach as The Big Bifford and Zombie Earl appear from the crowd. People part like the red sea as Biff is wearing a new magical fleece along with his wrestling attire. His top says “New OCW LightWeight Champion” as he stands in front of Lurrr’s canopy, holding his Mighty Scythe. Earl is dragging a scale with him along with a giant link of sausage. Lurrr stands up and asks for the people to quiet down…he looks down at Biff with a scowl on his face]
Lurrr: What are you doing here? Didn’t you hear? You’re not booked.
[Biff looks up at Lurrr, pulling his fleece apart at the front to display the words on his ring attire]
The Big Bifford: Not yet.
Lurrr: Listen, if you’re here to challenge Dangerous Dan for the fifteen thousandth time, I’m sorry. He’s already got a match and its next.
The Big Bifford: I know
Lurrr: Okay, well why don’t you find a seat somewhere and enjoy the action. I’d invite you up here, but, I mean, come on
[Lurrr is obviously hinting that Bifford’s weight would bring the entire canopy down. He turns around and snickers along with the servant girls in his canopy. Mathis expression remains the same…emotionless]
The Big Bifford: I’m afraid of heights near the ocean. But I appreciate your concern, Lurrr. However, as President of OCW I am offended that this show was booked without my input. It’s alright though because I have found a new goal. A new goal besides the delicious murder of Dangerous Dan…my new goal is to become the OCW LightWeight Champion.
[Fans in the crowd look at each other like they can’t believe what he just said. Lurrr wrinkles his face down at Biff like he’s absurd.]
Lurrr: For the last time, you are NOT the President. And, even if you were, the OCW doctrine or constitution or whatever you want to call it states specifically that you must be under 225 to compete in a LightWeight title match. And…well, not to be a dick…but I don’t think you’ve seen 225 since probably grade school.
The Big Bifford: We’ll see about that.
[Biff instructs Earl to place the scale in front of him and where Lurrr can see what it reads. He hands Earl the Mighty Scythe before standing upon the scale. The digital reader shoots up rapidly before hitting 220…it goes to 223…then settles on 221 as Biff’s official weight. A gasp is let out amongst the crowd as Lurrr can’t believe what he’s seeing]
The Big Bifford: As you can see, I’m clearly eligible for this match. So, with your blessing…and not because I need you to approve of this…purely for your blessing, I’d like to add myself to the LightWeight Title Match.
[Lurrr bends over, looking at the scale with narrow eyes, trying to see if he can spot anything wrong with it. It suddenly pops as Bifford’s weight breaks it]
Lurrr: This is bullshit…somebody get down there and find out what he’s done to that scale.
[A few of Lurrr’s bodyguards standing around the elevated canopy rush over to inspect the scale. Biff steps off as the scale is smashed and deeply embedded within the beach sand. One of them reads a couple of words along the side before addressing Lurrr]
Bodyguard: It’s a Kilogram scale, Mr. Lurrr. It’s used to measure people’s weight in kilograms, not pounds.
[Lurrr slams his fist on the side of his canopy in anger]
Lurrr: Damnit, Biff…you’re wasting everyone’s time. Guards, get rid of that scale and have it thrown away.
The Big Bifford: What about my match and LightWeight Title destiny?
[Lurrr looks down at Biff who is holding his Mighty Scythe again, looking up at Lurrr with childlike hope and exuberance]
Lurrr: If I allow you to be a part of this match…what are you going to do with that Scythe…nothing involving murder, I presume.
The Big Bifford: Oh, no Mr. Lurrr…I’m simply going to use it to chop up my sausage. See…
[Biff twirls the Mighty Scythe around before slinging it down at the sausage that zombie earl is holding. It cuts the sausage in half, but also severs Earl’s arm from the elbow. Fans shriek and hide their eyes. Earl picks up his arm and begins to eat it. Biff looks back up at Lurrr]
Lurrr: Fuck it…I don’t care…you can do commentary…
[Lurrr leans over and points at Biff like a parent scolding a child]
Lurrr: BUT NO MURDERING DANGEROUS DAN
The Big Bifford: Oh, absolutely not…I’m a reformed man…prison changed me.
[Biff starts to head for the tiki hut announce position but stops and addresses Lurrr once more]
The Big Bifford: Now, just to be sure…there isn’t any weight limit for calling LightWeight matches, is there?
[Lurrr is enraged and is about to verbalize his anger when he takes in a deep breath and collects himself]
Lurrr: No Biff, there is not
The Big Bifford: Terrific…come on, Earl. Bring the sausage once you’re done with that arm.
[Biff heads over to the tiki announce hut with his Scythe as Earl finishes eating his arm and carries the split sausage with him. Biff then chains Earl to a post on the hut so he won’t eat anyone during the match]
Curt Canon © (3-1) vs. Dangerous Dan (5-6)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OCW LightWeight Championship!!
[“Don’t Stop” by Foster the People starts up as Dangerous Dan appears from behind the curtain atop the ramp on the beach. He walks by the announcing tiki hut as Biff glares at Dan. It’s a murderous glare…the glare of a man imagining a million ways to kill the person he’s eyeing. A gust of wind picks up, blowing Biff’s hair along with it. Biff narrows his eyes and points his Scythe at Dan. Biff then slides the Scythe’s sharp end across his throat in a slashing motion, pointing at Dan. Dan does his best to ignore Biff. He rushes down the ramp and sprints across the walk way to the ring. Dan slides into the ring and climbs the nearest turnbuckle, posing for the fans]
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Smithville, Tennessee…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 225lbs…Dangerous Dan!!
[“Figure 8” by Trust Company hits as the OCW LightWeight Champion, Curt Canon, makes his way down to the ring. He isn’t as energetic as Dan as he takes his time, soaking up the crowd’s reaction. Biff is cheering for Curt, clapping loudly and encouraging people to clap along with him. Curt heads for the ring across the walk way and enters]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Tafton, Pennsylvania…standing 5’4 and weighing in at 165lbs…he is the OCW LightWeight Champion…Curt Canon!!
[Canon hands his belt to Belvedere who exits the ring and heads back onto the beach before ringing the bell]
Smith: Historically, the LightWeight Title matches have been some of the best matches in OCW Pay Per View history.
Hood: Sorry man, but there’s a fucking zombie a few feet away from me…I’m a little distracted.
Smith: You think you’re distracted…an unchained murderer with a Scythe is next to me…
Hood: What are you talking about? That’s just Biff
Bifford: Yeah, Smith, it's just me... me and my scythe.
[Canon and Dan quickly lock up as generic ref hops around, ready to officiate the fast paced match. Dan quickly grabs Canon by the throat with both hands and lifts him up off the mat. Canon kicks his feet wildly, trying to land a flush kick. Dan tosses Canon to the ground, but holds onto his legs. Dan falls back, slingshotting Canon into the nearest corner. Canon flies high and actually lands on the top turnbuckle. He leaps off with a reverse cross body and nails Dan, taking him down!! Once on the mat, Canon begins to punch away on Dan’s face]
Smith: The LightWeight Champion with an excellent reversal and the early advantage.
Hood: Dan certainly has a sense of urgency to start off…he went right for the throat.
Smith: Probably because he fears an attempted murder at any time during this match
Hood: Nah man, Biff gave his word. He’s a changed man…murdering Dan is the furthest thing from his mind.
Bifford: Yes, the furthest thing from my mind... In fact, I think I've changed my mind about this Dangerous Dan fellow. I wish for him to win. I want him to be Lightweight Champion.
[Canon hops to his feet as Dan rolls over onto all fours. Canon rushes into the ropes, bounces off and does a sit out drop kick to the side of Dan’s head, knocking him over onto his back. Canon rushes into the ropes again, leaps up onto the second rope, springs off with a moonsault and lands on Dan. Canon hops to his feet and throws his arms into the air]
Smith: Curt Canon is showing why he’s a potential OCW Hall of Famer AND our LightWeight Champion.
Hood: I don’t know why he’s throwing his arms in the air like some kind of fag. That’s how you allow your opponent the opportunity to get back in the match.
Smith: He’s obviously feeling very good about his efforts thus far
Hood: Well, I would THINK a potential Hall of Famer might know better
Bifford: Do you know who's in the Hall of Fame, Hood?
Hood: T! B! B! The Big Bifford!
Bifford: Affirmative.
[Canon heads to the nearest corner and quickly scales it to the top. Dan is back on his feet with his head down. He looks up as Canon leaps off with a Missile drop kick…Dan catches Canon’s legs in another slingshot position. Instead, he lifts Canon up and begins to perform an Airplane Swing. He swings Canon around nearly five times before flinging the diminutive LightWeight champion through the ropes and onto the metal surface surrounding the ring! Canon lands hard on his shoulder, grasping it in pain. The fans start to rally behind the perennial favorite, Dangerous Dan]
Smith: And just like that, Dan reclaims the advantage
Hood: See…you never throw your arms in the air during a match…it’s fucking stupid. I mean, not unless you’re facing Richard or Crazy Chris
Smith: Speaking of Crazy Chris…does he still work here?
Hood: I don’t know, maybe Biff killed him
Bifford: Nope! I love Crazy Chris. Though I'm also starting to love this Dangerous Dan guy. I think he's pretty much the best wrestler in OCW. GO DANGEROUS DAN! WIN THE MATCH!
[Dan walks over to the ropes and looks down at Canon…Canon is on his feet, holding his shoulder. Dan propels himself over the top rope and plummets towards Canon, grabbing his head, twisting around and drilling him into the metal surface with a Tornado DDT!! Canon’s head smacks against the metal as half of his body is over the metal surface and hanging into the ocean. Dan pops back to his feet as he heads for the steel steps]
Smith: Dangerous Dan is showing a more vicious side tonight…a side we rarely see
Hood: Losing will do that to ya, Smith. Makes you feel worthless…like a loser…like a piece of shit…it sucks.
Smith: I don’t know, he did almost make it to tonight’s Main Event…I mean, he was really close.
Hood: Close is for losers and bastards…bastards with no fathers.
Smith: Yes, that’s what that word means, Hood…thanks for the clarification.
Hood: That’s what I’m here for
Bifford: GO DAN! GO DAN! GO DAN! LET'S GO DAN!
Smith: Are you for real? You hated this man just a few minutes ago?
Hood: People can change their minds, Smith!
[Dan removes the top portion of the steel steps and lifts it over his head, ready to send it crashing down onto Canon. Canon looks over and sees what’s about to happen…he reaches out with his hand and trips Dan! Canon slides all the way into the ocean, to move…Dan falls forward, slapping his face into the steel steps!! Dan’s body snaps back as he holds his face in pain, rolling around on the metal surface. Canon slowly pulls himself out of the ocean]
Smith: Well, that backfired
Hood: Good guys can’t be bad, Smith…it just doesn’t work.
Smith: Indeed
[Canon grabs Dan by the hair and drags him over to the steel steps…he stands up on the removed portion, holds onto the back of Dan’s hair and jumps in the air, dropping Dan face first into the steps with a facebuster!! Canon’s leg hits the steps hard as he clutches it in pain with Dan lying motionless on the metal surface, against the steps. The ref yells for them to get back into the ring, reaching a count of seven. Canon quickly gets to his feet…he grabs Dan and throws him into the ring…Canon slides in behind him, breaking the count at nine]
Smith: That was a surprisingly near countout
Hood: Yea and why did he throw Dan in there…not to mention, with the ref at nine…WHY did he throw Dan in first…what is Canon thinking?
Smith: I’m not sure Canon does much of that, Hood
Hood: And you call this guy a Hall of Famer…pssh…the Hall of Fame is full of geniuses like Bifford, Syren, Pete Parker, Silverfreak and Andy Murray
Smith: Sounds like Canon would fit right in
Bifford: I think the Hall of Fame is pretty full as it is... the only induction should be Arachne... or Dangerous Dan.
[Canon waits for Dan to get to his feet…slowly Dan does…Canon kicks him in the gut, hooks him and drops him with a Modified Education!! Dan hits hard and flops over onto his back…Canon goes for the pin as the ref makes the count]
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Dan kicked out of the Canonater!! This one isn’t over yet
Hood: Let me guess, Curt’s gonna THROW HIS ARMS in the air now
Smith: Doubtful
Bifford: I just want to see Dangerous Dan win and finally take home the championship gold that he deserves..
[Canon hops to his feet, undaunted and rushes into the nearest corner, sizing Dan up. Canon sprints in, going for a running punt to Dan’s head…Dan, though, grabs Canon’s foot, takes him down with a dragon leg whip and quickly applies an ankle lock!! Canon yells out in pain as he grabs his hair and reaches for the ropes. Dan is on one knee, bending the ankle as hard and far as he can…the crowd begins to rally behind Dan]
Smith: Ankle Lock! That was unexpected!
Hood: Curt needs to sharpen up that Canonater…if guys can kick out of it and then lock in a submission…well, it’s not much of a move.
Smith: This isn’t just some ordinary guy…that is Dangerous Dan!
Hood: Whatever the fuck that means
Bifford: It means that he's dangerous and awesome. Dangerous Dan is the best wrestler I've ever seen. Ever. In my life.
[Dan turns the ankle and turns it and turns it…trying to break it…Canon is finally able to roll over onto his back and he kicks Dan in the face with his free foot…Dan falls back, releasing the hold. Canon gets to his feet, limping a bit. He runs at Dan, as best he can…he goes for a Lou Thesz Press but Dan catches him…lifts him up and tosses Canon high into the air! As Canon comes down, Dan jumps in the air and KICKS Canon in the face!! Canon’s body jerks back as he lands on his back…Dan rushes over, for the pin]
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: What a vicious kick that was by Dangerous Dan
Hood: It was that…lots of soccer kicks tonight…is the World Cup going on or something
Smith: I wouldn’t know, I’m more of a Badminton fan myself
Hood: Holy fucking shit
Bifford: Badminton? For fuck's sakes...
[Dan gets to his feet and stands back, stomping his foot on the ground looking to nail The ENDD is Near (Superkick)…Canon gets to his feet, staggering around…completely dazed. Dan rushes in and DRILLS Canon in the face with The ENDD is Near!! Canon falls to the mat, completely unconscious as Dan goes for the pin…the fans count along]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Curt Canon kicked out! Wow!
Hood: Well he does call it the End…with a d…is near…so, he obviously knows he can’t put people away with it. Which makes me question why he would even go for a pinfall there…
Smith: You’re over thinking things
Hood: No, Dan is just under thinking things
Bifford: Dan is going to win this match... I know these things.
[Dan hops to his feet and he points towards the nearest corner…the fans cheer wildly, expecting to see The ENDD (Swanton Bomb). Dan climbs the top rope as Canon is still on his back. Dan leaps off with The ENDD…Canon, though, kicks up before Dan can hit him! Dan lands hard on his back. Canon rushes towards the nearest corner, quickly climbs it and leaps off with a flying elbow! He connects on Dan’s throat!! Canon remains on the mat, still in pain from Dan’s offense while Dan rolls around feeling the effects of the flying elbow]
Smith: Dan tried to end it there…but to no avail
Hood: And thus, the match continues…I’d have to say, the longer this match goes…the better the odds are for a Canon victory
Smith: Why?
Hood: Because, we are on the beach
Smith: So?
Hood: People who paint their face hate the beach…it washes the paint off. So, I’m sure Dan has some kind of phobia
Bifford: Shut up Hood... with all due respect, of course... It's obvious that Dan is going to win this match.
[Canon is first to his feet with Dan still on the mat. Canon rushes over and starts to stomp on Dan…he stomps Dan repeatedly until Dan rolls out of the ring for protection. Dan lands on his feet on the outside. Canon throws a kick through the ropes, Dan ducks it. Dan reaches out and he grabs Canon’s legs, hooking them under his arms…he falls back and catapults Canon’s throat against the bottom rope! Canon holds his throat in pain. Canon’s legs still dangle off the apron as Dan returns to his feet. He grabs Canon’s left leg and slams it across the edge of the apron, at the knee. Canon jerks his legs back inside, clutching his left knee]
Smith: Dangerous Dan applying a different approach now…he’s attempting to take out one of Canon’s two most deadly weapons.
Hood: His eyes?
Smith: NO…he obviously just wrenched Canon’s knee…weren’t you watching?
Hood: Sorry, Bifford just offered me a piece of succulent sausage.
Bifford: Isn't it delicious? Though, I have to say, unlike Hood the sausage isn't distracting me from this match. I love watching Dangerous Dan matches! GO DAN!
[Dan hops up onto the apron…he gets on his knees, reaching in an obtaining Canon’s left leg. Dan maneuvers his grip to where he’s holding it over the top rope. He climbs up onto the top rope and positions the knee where the cap is facing the mat. Dan then leaps off as high into the air as his muscles will allow and comes down, crashing the knee cap into the mat!! Canon holds his knee, writhing in pain as Dan is in total control at this point]
Smith: Further damage being inflicted on Canon’s knee…it’s hard to defeat a man if you can’t walk.
Hood: That seems somewhat prejudiced…what about an arm wrestling contest? I bet a guy with no legs could win one of those.
Smith: Yes, but this isn’t an arm wrestling contest
Hood: It could be
Smith: No, it couldn’t
Bifford: I'd bet on Dangerous Dan to be victorious whether this was a wrestling match or an arm wrestling contest. GO DAN! GO DAN! GO!
[Dan grabs Canon’s left leg…he starts to kick at it…he kicks at the back of the knee…then at the front of the knee. With each kick, Canon writhes and wiggles, attempting to get away, Dan is too strong, however, for the slight framed LightWeight champion to wrestle free. Dan then, still holding the left leg, turns around it, locking it in…he picks up Canon’s right leg, locks it in and falls back, securing a Figure Four leg lock! Canon yells out in pain, grabbing at his hair…the ref comes into view, asking Canon if he wants to give it up…Canon yells no, but it’s obvious the pain is immense]
Smith: Here we go…we could see Canon submit the title over to Dan!
Hood: A member of Operation Zero does not submit…it’s simply unthinkable
Smith: Well, perhaps you should readjust your thinking because I believe Canon is close to tapping
Hood: If he ‘taps’ it’s simply because a gust of wind blew his palm against the mat…no other logical explanation.
Bifford: No the reasonable explanation is that Dangerous Dan is a RIDICULOUSLY GOOD WRESTLER... and that he WILL WIN THIS MATCH...
[Canon continues to roll around, trying to find the ropes or get Dan on his stomach, reversing the pressure. Dan, though, keeps it locked in with determination masking his face. Canon sits up, wincing in pain…fighting back the urge to quit. He starts to punch at Dan’s legs, hoping that might weaken the hold. Canon works his fist into the ‘frog’ punch with his middle knuckle protruding and he starts to pound over and over again into Dan’s shin. Dan’s shin, aside from thinly veiled fabric, is unprotected. Each punch hurts Dan more and more as the shin seems to the most vulnerable and exposed bone in the leg. Dan’s focus shifts from applying pressure to fighting Canon off. Canon then senses Dan losing his focus and he is able to finally, with a giant swoop of momentum, get Dan onto his stomach!! Canon arches up and throws the pressure onto Dan’s legs!! Now it’s Dan’s turn…as he yells out in pain, ignoring the ref’s questionnaire for submitting]
Smith: Wow! Great ring prowess and problem solving shown by our LightWeight Champion!
Hood: He isn’t some fucking rookie…people act like Dan is a great veteran…don’t get me wrong, guy has had some battles and was even able to win one or two of them. But Canon has been doing this since the days of Chumbawamba topping the music charts.
Smith: I get knocked down, but I get up again…great, inspiration tune
Hood: Fucking nineties
Bifford: COME ON DAN! GET OUT OF THIS! LET'S GO DAN, LET'S GO! *clap clap clap*
[Dan reaches out…he finds crawling to be an easy task on his stomach and is able to pull the 165 pound Canon along with him as he finds the bottom rope and clutches it, desperately. The ref calls for a break as Canon does. Dan reaches up onto the middle rope and hangs on it, resting. Canon gets to his feet, finding his left leg a bit worn and slightly gimpy…yet still stable enough to run on. He sprints into the ropes, bounces off, flies into the ropes, holds onto the top rope and kicks Dan in the face with a 619!! Dan falls back onto the mat as Canon quickly hops up onto the top rope, springs off and lands on Dan with a Harlem Hangover! Canon goes for the pin as the ref makes the count]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Kick out by Dan!!
Bifford: Of course Dan kicked out. He's an EPIC WRESTLER.
Hood: Damnit and Canon like flipped around and everything
Smith: Indeed, major flippage
[Canon rolls off of Dan, grapping his left knee in pain as the adrenaline has washed away and the impact from the leg drop did more damage than he had anticipated. His momentary timeout allows Dan time to crawl into the nearest corner and yank himself to his feet thanks to the ropes. Dan leans his back into the corner, gasping for air, keeping an eye on Canon. Canon climbs to his feet, stumbling around on his left leg. Dan sprints in, assuming Canon hasn’t noticed him…Canon, though, leaps into the air and he drills Dan with a spinning wheel kick using his left leg!! Dan falls to the mat, unconscious as Canon grasps his left leg in pain, rolling around rather than going for a pin]
Smith: So much damage has been inflicted upon that knee, Canon is finding it tough to muster any elongated offensive spurt
Hood: Uhh, sure…all I know is these idiots keep using their injured body parts to hit people…it’s fucking stupid. First he throws his arms in the air and now he’s using his injured knee to hit people…the fuck
Smith: He’s going off of instinct, Hood…in a match of this caliber you have to rely on your instincts…the action is just too fast paced and competitive to be able to strategically plot your next move.
Hood: I don’t know, Bifford is pretty fucking slow and he still managed to make the Hall of Fame
Smith: Doesn’t hurt when you’re the size of a tank or small soup kitchen
Bifford: Did you say soup?
Smith: Yeah but we don't have any...
Bifford: Hood, please make note that we should petition President Lurrr for soup.
Hood: I've been petitioning for soup for years...
[Canon crawls over towards Dan, after several agonizing seconds of tending to his knee. He reaches Dan and goes for a pin..Dan was obviously playing possum as he reaches out, grabs Canon’s arm and applies a Crippler Crossface!! Canon yells out in pain reaching desperately for a rope to break the hold. He isn’t too far away from the ropes this time as Dan’s body was lying only inches from them. The ref asks Canon if he wants to quit, he once again refuses to give it up]
Smith: Another submission…Dan is a technical master right now
Bifford: Dan is a MASTER of EVERYTHING!
Hood: I guess, it’s not hard to apply submission holds to a guy the size of a toddler.
Smith: Canon’s not that small
Hood: Yes he is, the television adds like a foot and two hundred pounds
Smith: That is horridly false and even if it were true, we’re watching this with our own eyes.
Hood: Not me, I’ve got it up on my iPhone
Smith: You mean you paid for the event you’re being paid to watch live?
Hood: You make it sound stupid
Smith: Because it is!
Bifford: Silence, gentlemen... Let's watch Dangerous Dan destroy Canon in silence...
[Canon reaches for and is finally able to grasp the bottom rope, forcing a break. Dan gets to his feet and he pulls Canon to his. He whips Canon towards the nearest corner and Dan sprints in behind Canon. Canon’s left leg gives out and he falls to the mat. Dan, instinctively, leaps over Canon, but, in doing so, slams face first into the top turnbuckle!! He is hunched over the turnbuckle, wounded. Canon pulls himself up by the ropes and heads over to Dan, slowly lifting him up to the top. He flips Dan around and has him seated on the top turnbuckle. Canon climbs up with Dan, using mainly his right leg for support. Dan goes to punch Canon, but Canon blocks it and he headbutts Dan. Dan sways back…Canon punches Dan several times in the face before locking him for a Suplex…he braces his legs and lifts Dan…Canon, though, has much less support from his lower body than usual and is unable to get Dan over…so, instead, he just tosses Dan forward, over the ring post and face first down towards the ocean!! Dan’s body does a belly flop with his face SMACKING into the metal platform!! He is knocked out cold with his arm hanging onto the metal, slowly slipping off. The ref rushes out to make sure he doesn’t slip into the ocean and drown as the fans yell “Holy Fuck Shit”]
Smith: There’s a way to make a nasty chant even nastier
Hood: Curt Canon fucked that clown up!
Smith: Not sure if that was improvisation or a total accident…either way, it’s the most devastating move of the match thus far.
Hood: Now Dan’s face is going to be painted red…hahahah…get it?
Smith: A terrible joke
Bifford: We shouldn't be joking about this! One of our best talents is in serious trouble.. I'd better go get a closer look…
[Bifford stands up and leaves the announce table, heading toward the ring. Meanwhile the ref yanks Dan out of the water…his face paint has washed off revealing his nose to be pretty much broken and busted. Dark blood is oozing out of it, over his upper lip and down his chin. The ref lays Dan on the metal platform as Canon, still on the ropes, ascends to the top. Canon looks down at Dan as the ref pleads with him to stop. Canon jumps off with both legs down and he STOMPS on Dan’s face!! Dan doesn’t react much, as he’s out cold…all we can see is his nose completely snapped with blood coming out of his mouth. Canon hobbles away, lifting his left leg up gingerly and holding onto the apron, to keep from falling over. The ref checks on Dan’s vitals]
Smith: I can’t believe this…the match has to be over…someone ring the bell and get him some help. And where is Bifford going? HE HAS THE SCYTHE WITH HIM!
Hood: I’m appalled…this is sickening.
Smith: Finally, you’re speaking some sense
Hood: Dan is fucking HIDEOUS without his face paint on…I can see why he wears it all the time. GO MURDER HIM BIFFORD!
Smith: This is not the TIME or the PLACE
[Bifford makes his way across the walkway toward the ring while Canon stabilizes his left leg and he limps over to Dan. The ref tries to ward him off, but Canon shoves the ref out of the way. He pulls Dan by his hair and drags his lifeless body to the apron…Canon uses all the strength he has to dead lift Dan and roll him into the ring, under the bottom rope. Dan winds up on his back as Canon crawls in and pins Dan. The ref looks on from the outside, shaking his head. Canon yells for him to rush in and count…reluctantly, the ref does his job and administers the count]
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!
Smith: Yes! Yes! Dan is alive! But... Bifford.. and the scythe...
Hood: Well, hooray for mouth breathers…breathing
Smith: C’mon, Dan…you’ve got this…steal that title away from Operation Zero
Hood: Hey, if you need to run behind those bushes and whack off, I got this
[Canon gets to his feet and angrily kicks Dan with his right leg. He lifts Dan up and signals that this is over…he hooks him for the Canon Cutter (Cross Rhodes)…Canon goes to execute it, but, surprisingly, the resilient Dan slips out and hooks Canon for a backslide!! He pulls Canon over and has his shoulders pinned to the mat as the ref slides in for the count]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Out of NOWHERE!
Hood: Fuck, that was too fucking close…Canon, keep your focus, man…this isn’t some rodeo clown match
Smith: Finally, showing Dan some respect
Hood: He’s ugly as fuck and whiney…but other than that he’s doing okay
[Dan gets back to his feet and sees Bifford standing at the edge of the ring with his scythe. He points at Bifford and shouts at him, but then Bifford shouts "GO DANGEROUS DAN! WIN THE MATCH! YOU’RE THE MAN.” Dan seems confused by all of this but turns around to see Canon. He grabs him and hits a hard German Suplex. Dan holds on for the pin.]
1…
2…
[Bifford pulls the referee out of the ring]
Smith: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? BIFFORD PRETENDS TO CHEER FOR DAN ALL MATCH LONG AND THEN HE COSTS HIM THE TITLE!
Hood: He’s a complicated man.
[Bifford throws the referee into the ocean, where he presumably sinks to his ultimate demise. Then Bifford steps into the ring. He walks up to Dangerous Dan and swings the scythe at his head. Dan, being far quicker than Bifford, ducks under the scythe. Bifford lets go of the scythe by accident and it goes flying into the ocean. Dangerous Dan kicks Bifford in the stomach, but Bifford retaliates with a kick-to-the-stomach of his own. Then he lifts Dan up and hits the Biff End jumping piledriver in the middle of the ring. He puts Canon’s lifeless body on top of Dan’s lifeless body as a referee comes sprinting down the beach. He runs up the walkway to the ring and slides under the ropes as Bifford steps to the corner. The referee, very out of breath, begins counting]
1..
2..
[Bifford drops an elbow on the back of the referee’s head. ]
Hood: We got another referee down!
Smith: How is Bifford getting away with this? GET SECURITY DOWN HERE!
Hood: Bifford is OCW President, remember?
Smith: No. I don’t remember that at all. I remember when he WAS OCW President that I had to keep myself HEAVILY MEDICATED to keep from COMMITTING SUICIDE.
Hood: Jeez.. you’re such a drama queen.
[Bifford picks up the lifeless referee’s body and throws him into the ocean, where he presumably also dies. Bifford then pulls Canon off of Dangerous Dan, lifts him up and hits him with The Biff End jumping piledriver.]
Smith: UGH! Bifford thinks he’s going to pin both men and become Lightweight Champion! THAT’S NOT HOW WRESTLING MATCHES WORK!
Hood: It’d be pretty sweet if they did work that way though..
[Bifford grabs Dangerous Dan and lifts him up to his feet. He has a hard time keeping Dan up as he is so very unconscious, but he manages and lifts him up and hits him with another The Biff End jumping piledriver. The crowd boos as Bifford stands over the lifeless bodies of both Canon and Dangerous Dan. Bifford then grabs Dan and lays him over Canon’s lifeless body. A third referee runs down the beach and slides under the ropes, looking nervously at Bifford. Bifford points at the mat and the referee makes the count]
1..
2..
3!!!!!
Smith: HOLY CRACKERS! DAN IS CHAMPION!
Hood: Bifford helped him win! This is obviously the dawn of a new Bifford-Dan friendship!
Smith: Are you kidding me? Bifford tried to murder Dangerous Dan with that scythe before it ended up in the ocean… along with several members of OCW Staff.
Belvedere: Here is your winner.. and NEW OCW LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION.. DANGEROUS DAN!!!!!
[The crowd goes wild cheering and Belvedere walks to the ring with the championship belt. Bifford walks up to him and tries to take it, but Belvedere tries to protect the title. Bifford looks at him and says “You want to end up in the ocean?” And at that point he hands the title to Bifford. Bifford walks over to Dangerous Dan’s lifeless body and drapes the title over him. Bifford then looks down at Dan and claps cheering loudly. The crowd quiets, unsure of what is going on.]
Hood: So Dangerous Dan has joined Bifford?
Smith: Why on earth would you think that?
Hood: I dunno..
Smith: Bifford did.. kinda... give Dan the win... but I think Dan would have won anyway...
Hood: So... they're friends now?
Smith: No.
[Bifford steps out of the ring and walks down the beach, leaving Earl the Undead Popcorn Salesman near the commentators. He starts trying to get the crowd to chant "DAN-GER-OUS-DAN!" but they just look at him with confusion in silence.]
Smith: A very strange, confusing scene…but with Bifford, I shouldn’t be surprised…
Hood: Just a spoonful of Bifford helps the wrestling go down!
Smith: Uh, sure…folks, we need to get rid of this zombie and organize things around here before our next match…so let’s go backstage
[The video moves backstage where Bob Grenier is seen with his normal Hawaiian guide by his side]
Guide: “Lopaka. Thank you for getting me backstage with you.”
Bob Grenier: “That is fine. I was only allowed to bring in one person.”
Guide: “It is an honour to be here with you. Would you like me to do something for you, Lopaka?”
Bob Grenier: “You can go and find me some weed. I feel like having some right about now. I do not think Vargas or Syren will stand a chance even if I am high.”
Guide: “OK. I will be back soon Lopaka.”
[The guide walks around the corner and down the hallway. Bob Grenier stands in the hallway leaning up against the wall]
Smith: “Grenier wants some weed now. He has a match later on tonight.”
Hood: “Didn’t you hear him. He said he can defeat Vargas and Syren even when he is high.”
Smith: “I do not think anyone could win whilst being high.”
Hood: “Have a look at Ian Bishop.”
Smith: “That proves my point.”
[A few moments later, his Hawaiian guide comes running back around the corner]
Bob Grenier: “You get my weed.”
Guide: “No.”
[The Hawaiian guide seems to be quite frightened, he is shaking non-stop. Bob Grenier just laughs]
Bob Grenier: “What is wrong?”
Guide: “It’s...It’s...”
Bob Grenier: “Just spit it out.”
Guide: “It’s Pepehi Kanaka. He looks really pissed.”
[Bob Grenier starts to think things over]
Bob Grenier: “The Murderer. You mean PerZag.”
[The guide nods as PerZag walks around the corner. The guide starts cowering hiding behind Bob Grenier who is no longer standing against the wall and is looking straight at PerZag]
Bob Grenier: “If it isn’t ‘Pepehi Kanaka’.”
PerZag: “Who the hell is ‘Pepsi Canada.”
Bob Grenier: “No. Not Pepsi Canada. ‘Pepehi Kanaka’. It means The Murderer.”
PerZag: “Who told you that?”
Bob Grenier: “Some new friends of mine.”
[PerZag sees the man who is cowering behind Bob]
PerZag: “You mean him.”
[Bob looks over at the guide behind him]
Bob Grenier: “Yeah, him. He and his people call you ‘Pepehi Kanaka’. They are very afraid of you.”
PerZag: “Let me test it.”
[PerZag steps forward quickly, saying ‘boo’. The guide starts screaming and runs off down the hallway. PerZag starts to laugh for a few seconds, but then stops suddenly, becoming serious]
PerZag: “With that out of the way. Have you seen a mystery man in nothing but black.”
Bob Grenier: “I have not seen anyone come this way until you.”
PerZag: “Fuck. I need to find this Unworthy bastard. Unless you are that Unworthy bastard.”
Bob Grenier: “No. Not me. I have no clue who is after you.”
PerZag: “Damn it. I may be back soon. I have to find this asshole.”
[PerZag continues to walk down the hallway, still searching for the mystery man. Bob Grenier watches him go, calling out]
Bob Grenier: “I will prove myself Worthy.”
[Bob watches PerZag continuing to walk down the hallway. Bob’s Hawaiian guide runs back to him. Bob watches him as he catches his breath]
Bob Grenier: “Have you got my weed yet?”
Guide: “I will go and find some now.”
[The guide is seen walking back around the corner that PerZag came from, and Bob Grenier goes back to relaxing against the wall. The camera views back on Smith and Hood]
Smith: “It seems that Grenier wasn’t able to help PerZag find his mystery man.”
Hood: “Don’t you mean ‘Lopaka’ and ‘Pepehi Kanaka’.
Smith: “No. I mean Bob Grenier and PerZag.”
Hood: “We are in Hawaii. We have to call them by their Hawaiian names.”
Smith: “Are you actually gonna call Syren ‘ILIO Wahine’.
Hood: “Hell no. Syren is no bitch.”
Smith: If you say so…well, folks…it’s time for the first of our three main matches this evening as Pryde defends his Southern Title against Sean Fuller
Hood: Psycho path against psycho masked angry man
Smith: Sure…let’s go down to ringside
Steel Cage Match
Pryde © (8-0) vs. Sean Fuller (9-1)
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlement, the following match is a Steel Cage Match and it is for the OCW Southern Championship! There are three ways in which an opponent can emerge victorious…pinfall, submission or by escaping the cage with both feet hitting the floor…or, in this case, the metal surface surrounding the ring.
["Nexus" starts to play as a spotlight shines down on the entrance and Sean Fuller emerges with his newest adviser Celeste Cooper following not far behind. She steps out to Sean's left applauding him and smiling in his direction as the beach is silent. Sean stands on the stage surveying the crowd from left to right with a menacing, dark smile; dressed in a long black coat and jet black wrestling tights. He has his right foot edged out ahead of his left and the rest of his body follows suit. Sean takes it all on and finishes his surveillance of the crowd then proceeds to make his way to the ring with Celeste not far behind him. Needless to say the fans are not supportive of anyone who would accompany Sean Fuller to the ring]
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Parts Unknown…standing 6’4 and weighing in at 245lbs…Sean Fuller!!!
[“Dangerous” by Within Temptation begins to play with Fuller in the cage and Celeste standing next to him. Pryde emerges from behind the curtain as he heads straight for the ring displaying zero emotion. He is focused intently on the ring…the cage surrounding it and Fuller on the inside. Pryde walks the ramp across the ocean, hops into the cage and stares Fuller down as his music comes to a close]
Belvedere: And his opponent, from Parks Unknown, standing 5’8 and weighing in at 200lbs…he is the OCW Southern Champion…Pryde!!
[Pryde hands his title to Belvedere who escorts Celeste out of the cage and back to the beach. The bell quickly sounds as the cage door is shut]
Smith: Folks, if you like violence…you may want to stay glued to the broadcast for this one.
Hood: Fuller is one of the most sadistic fuckers to ever compete in OCW and Pryde, well, Pryde has gone to a dark place within himself this week. Not to mention we have a cage.
Smith: Indeed…any predictions?
Hood: After this match, someone will emerge as the king of Parts Unknown. Pryde already dethroned TLS…now only Fuller stands in his way.
Smith: Sure, for whatever that’s worth
[Pryde and Fuller circle one another at first, each looking for an opening to spring an assault. Fuller goes in to grab Pryde, but Pryde slides out of the way. Fuller turns around and is met with a kick to the gut! Fuller falls against the ropes as Pryde goes off on Fuller with lefts and rights! Fuller tries to cover up, but Pryde’s fists are too fast. Fuller falls back into the corner as Pryde climbs to the turnbuckle and just waylays Fuller’s head with a barrage of fists. The fans on the beach count along as Pryde reaches 17 punches before finally stepping down and backing away. Fuller’s head bobs back and forth, dizzy from the pounding. Pryde looks at his fist, it’s red and irritated…Fuller’s face is red and bound to swell up and bruise in his immediate future. He slowly reaches up, touches his face…he winces with each touch and finds a drop of blood coming from a cut under his eye. He looks at his finger and with his eyes half open, smiles at Pryde. It’s a bloody smile…but, apparently, the fight is on]
Smith: Pryde must have punched Fuller twenty five or thirty times!
Hood: Fuller’s face is all kinds of fucked up…but damn, the guy seems to be embracing it
Smith: Pain is what Fuller thrives on…dishing it out as well as receiving it…this match, Hood…it’s going to be brutal.
Hood: Fuck, let’s get to it then!
[Fuller steps out of the corner as Pryde has given him some time to recover. Fuller rushes at Pryde with a lariat. Pryde ducks and hits the ropes. Pryde bounces off as Fuller turns around and he drills Fuller in the face with a flying forearm!! Fuller falls back into the ropes as Pryde rushes to his feet, leaps into the air and dropkicks Fuller in the face! Fuller nearly goes over the top rope and into the cage, but he keeps himself grounded with his arm hooked over the top rope. Pryde runs up and knees Fuller in the gut, yanks him away from the ropes and clutches the back of Fuller’s head. He begins to knee Fuller in the face as Fuller is unable to escape Pryde’s clutch. The fans count along as Pryde delivers knee strike after knee strikes to Fuller’s already battered face]
Smith: Pure, unadulterated face smashing
Hood: Fuller talks a bunch of shit…he claims to LOVE pain and violence…well, we’re about to find out
Smith: Indeed
[Fuller backs himself into a corner as Pryde continues to bring knees to his face. He starts to climb the turnbuckles as Pryde jumps up until he can’t connect with knees anymore. Fuller then leaps off with his head pressed against Pryde’s and does some kind of modified head butt…or smash to the mat!! Pryde grabs his masked face in pain as Fuller rolls over and sits up against the ropes. His face is red and bloody from all the abuse he’s already received from Pryde]
Smith: Kind of a reckless move if you’re Sean Fuller…considering that Pryde has turned his face into mush.
Hood: Nah man, his face can’t feel a fucking thing at this point…may as well use that to your advantage.
Smith: It could ruin his face forever
Hood: Yea, true…that Celeste bitch would probably leave his ass…oh well, such is life as a sadistic wrestler inside a steal cage fighting a masked man from Parts Unknown on a Hawaiian Beach
Smith: Amen
[Pryde reaches his feet as Fuller is still seated on the mat. Fuller pulls himself to his feet…blood is beginning to leak from the cut under his eye…the edges of his mouth and his nose…his face is fucked. Pryde leans against the ropes and shoots off, leaping in the air with a cross body at Fuller…Fuller, though, moves out of the way and he tosses Pryde into the side of the cage!! Pryde’s body smashes into the cage, face first! The entire cage rattles as Pryde’s body falls in between the ropes and the cage…lying on the apron]
Smith: Pryde’s blind aggression cost him there
Hood: Are you saying that because of the mask?
Smith: No, I meant he’s blinded by rage
Hood: So he’s blinded by rage AND his mask…so he’s like double blind…you think that could cancel out and give him sight? You know, two blinds make a sight
Smith: I haven’t the foggiest
Hood: Ooohhh…so they create sight, but foggy sight…like a drunk man or a really old woman who refuses to wear bifocals
Smith: Please stop
[Fuller staggers around, shaking his face which continues to swell. He reaches down and grabs Pryde’s legs…he yanks Pryde back into the ring and aggressively yanks Pryde to his feet and forces him into the nearest corner. Fuller begins with some impactful forearm uppercuts which send Pryde’s head jerking back. Fuller, looking to return the favor, delivers these uppercuts over and over until Pryde’s neck looks to be hanging on by a thread. He then grabs Pryde’s head, secures it around his arm with his back to Pryde and drops him with a stunner!! Pryde falls to the mat, holding his neck in pain]
Smith: Sean Fuller in control at this point…working on Pryde’s neck, apparently
Hood: Those were some homerun type uppercuts, man…but Fuller’s face is awesome. He’s starting to look like a really fat Kenshin.
Smith: Stop it…that’s prejudiced…plus, you know we’re not supposed to name people who no longer work here.
Hood: Dude, we talk about Maurako all the time.
Smith: He’s different…management likes him
[Fuller drags Pryde into the ring like a psycho would drag a corpse…or, well, like Fuller would drag a corpse. He sits Pryde up and kicks Pryde in the top of the back, near his neck. Pryde hunches over as Fuller goes to the mat, jams his knee into Pryde’s back and applies a clutch around Pryde’s chin, jerking his head back…attempting to injure Pryde’s neck even further. If Pryde had a face, it would be wincing. Instead, he reaches out with his arms, looking for something to grasp]
Smith: Vicious head lock there by Sean Fuller…Pryde’s got absolutely no where to go.
Hood: Do you think he knows Fuller is the guy applying the lock? I mean, maybe he thinks the ref turned on him.
Smith: Why would the ref do that? He’s a generic ref with no personality whatsoever.
Hood: I don’t know, when it’s dark and you can’t see the mind plays tricks on you
Smith: I hate to ruin whatever world you live in, Hood…but Pryde can see…he would wrestle in a mask if it hid his vision.
Hood: Call me a skeptic…but I’m skeptical
[Pryde starts to muster the energy to get to his feet as Fuller is unable to keep him down from the position he’s in. Pryde fights to his feet as Fuller maintains a vice grip on Pryde’s chin…Pryde suddenly sits out and smashes the top of his head into Fuller’s chin! Fuller staggers back against the ropes as Pryde rolls backwards, onto his feet…he grabs his neck quickly from the pressure of rolling over it…Fuller stumbles off the ropes and Pryde locks him into a small package…the ref makes the count]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Kickout by Sean Fuller as Pryde took a bad situation and nearly turned it into a victory
Hood: More pain to Fuller’s face…I wouldn’t be shocked if his chin is all fucked up now
Smith: It could be, he took a rather large load on the chin
Hood: Haha
Smith: What?
[Pryde gets back to his feet as Fuller is on his knees…Pryde rushes at Fuller and goes for a enziguri…Fuller ducks and hooks both of Pryde’s legs with Pryde facing down. He gets to his feet and airplane spins Pryde…however, he only spins enough to slam Pryde into the cage! He yanks Pryde back and slams into the cage again and again and again with Pryde’s left shoulder repeatedly slamming into the cage. Finally, after Fuller’s arms grow tired…he flings Pryde up, locks him in a Full Nelson, lifts him into the air and slams him to the mat with a Full Nelson Slam!! Pryde lands hard and rolls over…his left arm is red and cut with blood seeking out of a decent gash. Fuller staggers back into the corner, heaving his chest from the physical exhaustion of swinging Pryde around as much as he did]
Smith: That took tremendous strength from Sean Fuller and, obviously, a tremendous amount of energy.
Hood: Yea and now Pryde’s arm is bleeding…HIS ARM IS BLEEDING
Smith: Yes, we see
Hood: I’m just saying, bleeding from your arm must suck…do you think any muscles might leak out?
Smith: I don’t think that’s how the human anatomy works, Hood
Hood: Don’t talk to me like I’m fucking stupid…you know I’m not a scientist
[Fuller spots the cut in Pryde’s arm and rushes over…he falls to his knees and claws at it, trying to rip it open…Pryde rolls his arm away and kicks at Fuller. He kicks Fuller in the chest, knocking him back. Pryde kind of crab walks back into a corner and sits against the bottom turnbuckle. Fuller gets to his feet and sprints in, looking to drill Pryde in the face with a big boot…Pryde ducks, though and Fuller’s foot crashes into the cell!! It jams his knee and he grabs his leg in pain. Pryde then leaps up and drops Fuller to the mat with a back stabber!! ]
Smith: Great quickness shown by Pryde as he knew Fuller was up to no good when dealing with his cut.
Hood: How do you know? Fuller may have been about to stitch it up or at least disinfect it
Smith: No, he was trying to rip it open
Hood: How does Pryde know? He can’t see!
Smith: Yes he can!
[Pryde heads for a nearby corner and quickly scales it, with Fuller on his feet, staggering around. Pryde leaps off with Pryde Cometh Before the Fall (Dragoncanrana)…he flips forward and lands on Fuller’s shoulders…however, while going for the huricanrana, Fuller holds on and lifts Pryde up in a powerbomb position, displaying incredible strength. He heads to the cage and slams Pryde’s back into the cage and starts to rake Pryde’s back against the cage. Pryde punches Fuller in the head, trying to get out of this predicament. Fuller then turns around and drills Pryde into the mat with a powerbomb…he sits out and holds on for the pin as the ref slides in for the count]
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Smith: Kick Out by Pryde…the Southern Champion narrowly escaped losing his belt
Hood: Yea, powerbombs will fuck you up, man
Smith: They are quite potent
Hood: No, they are powerful…if they were potent, they’d be called Potentbombs
Smith: Fair enough
[Fuller gets to his knees and he systematically begins to punch Pryde in the forehead. Each punch is well placed and vicious with the intent to jar Pryde’s brains. After several punches, Fuller gets to his feet and pulls Pryde to his…he drags Pryde towards the side of the cage. Pryde elbows Fuller, attempting to get free, but Fuller responds by headbutting Pryde. Pryde’s legs weaken as he grabs his neck in pain. Fuller winces as his face is puffy and bloody…but he maintains his course of action. He takes Pryde by the back of the head and slams it into the cage. He rakes it across the cage, mostly the forehead…back and forth as hard as he can, grading it up against the unforgiving steel]
Smith: Fuller is wrestling with a purpose…a purpose to maim Pryde
Hood: Ah, he’s got that mask on…this is an effort in futility if you ask me
Smith: It’s not like his mask is made of metal
Hood: No, but it looks like some kind of really tough leather…like maybe Crocodile or alligator…or perhaps komodo dragon leather…yea, that’s what it’s made of.
Smith: How could you possibly know that?
Hood: I watch a lot of Animal Planet
[Fuller continues to rake away with Pryde being too fatigued to fight back. Fuller finally stops and sees a crease or a cut in Pryde’s mask. He reaches in with his fingers and starts to tear away at it. He is able to rip it apart a bit, showing some of Pryde’s forehead. Pryde starts to freak out, kicking Fuller in the legs, trying to get away. Fuller winces in pain as Pryde’s kicks are fast and harsh…he slams Pryde’s exposed forehead into the cage and gives it a hard twist, before letting go and stepping away, preserving his legs. Pryde stumbles back and falls to the mat in a seated position…we can see a cut in his forehead from the last encounter with the cage]
Smith: Pryde is busted open!
Hood: We can see his head…he’s white, Smith…he’s white!
Smith: Well of course he’s white, he wrestles in a speedo you moron
Hood: Oh…well…umm, you never know, he could spray paint himself before matches
Smith: No, he doesn’t spray paint himself before matches…otherwise it would eventually come off. The man is white…all we see is his forehead which gives us zero clues as to his identity.
Hood: Fucking kill joy
[Pryde touches his forehead and looks at the blood in his hand. Fuller immediately rushes in with a knee strike to Pryde’s head! Pryde falls back onto the mat as Fuller climbs on top of him for a pin attempt…the ref makes the count]
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Kick out by Pryde…he escapes defeat yet again
Hood: What do you think he thinks that substance is
Smith: Umm, blood…and, he can see, by the way
Hood: Well, it could feel like syrup, or maybe honey
Smith: Why on earth would there be honey in the ring?
Hood: As a trick to lure people in? Honey is very tasty
Smith: No
[Fuller gets back to his knees and assaults Pryde with punches to the cut in his forehead. Fuller’s face is still puffy, red and bloody. Fuller then goes to Pryde’s left arm, searching for that gash, looking to rip it open. His bloodlust is obvious…Pryde uses the advantage Fuller’s bloodlust has offered and lifts his leg up, kicking Fuller in his puffy face. Fuller falls back and slowly sits up. Pryde rolls over and climbs to his feet. Pryde walks up and kicks Fuller in the face, knocking him back to the mat. He then climbs the nearest turnbuckle…he reaches the top and leaps off with a flying punch to Fuller’s face!! It connects and Fuller’s body writhes about in pain. Pryde then stands up and looks towards the cage door…the forehead portion of his mask hangs in front of his eye…Pryde reaches up and rips it off…but is careful in doing so to not expose anymore skin. He then walks for the door as the ref on the outside starts to open it]
Smith: Our first legitimate escape attempt…if Pryde makes it out, it’s over and he retains.
Hood: I hope it doesn’t end this way…just strolling out the fucking door…that would really suck
Smith: A win is a win, don’t you always say that?
Hood: Well, yea, by cheating and weapons and maybe voodoo spells…but not walking out of a door. Shit, people do that all the time
[Pryde reaches the door as Fuller reaches his feet…he sees Pryde attempting an exit and rushes in, lifting a knee into Pryde’s back! His body flies through the ropes with his head slamming into the steel beam the door is hinged on. His body nearly falls out of the cage as Fuller hangs onto his left foot…Fuller then runs backwards, pulling Pryde safely back into the cage. Pryde rolls over onto his stomach with a steady stream of bloody trickling from his wound. The puffy faced Fuller heads over for Pryde…Pryde reaches up and he low blows Fuller!! Fuller hunches over, staggering back…Pryde, from his knees, uppercuts Fuller, knocking him back against the ropes. Pryde gets to his feet and he backhands Fuller in the face, arrogantly. Fuller’s face is still puffy and red…Pryde takes the back of Fuller’s head, turns him around and rakes Fuller’s puffy face against the chain linked steel]
Smith: Okay, this is going to be nasty
Hood: Yea man, he’s all puffed up…gonna pop some pressure packed blood filled cheeks and shit
Smith: Pryde has definitely lost it tonight…he’s slumped to Fuller’s level
Hood: It’s just like popping a pimple
Smith: Yea, a pimple the size of a golf ball filled with blood
Hood: Hey, I didn’t have acne, okay…so I can’t relate to your teenage horror stories
[Fuller is finally released as he falls back against the mat…his cheeks are bleeding along with the cut under his eye. A few of the pressure pockets were busted as his face is now a bloody mess. Pryde heads towards Fuller and stands over him…he places his boot on Fuller’s face and grinds it into the cuts as Fuller squirms about. Pryde looks up at the ref and yells ‘ask him!’…the ref goes down at asks Fuller if he wants to give up, Fuller, of course says ‘no’]
Smith: Ick…this is too much, I don’t think I can watch
Hood: Yea, well Pryde has a huge advantage when it comes to doing things which are hard to watch
Smith: If you’re going to mention something about him not being able to see, stop now
Hood: Why? So you can mask the truth? Just like how Pryde masks his vision? It’s a conspiracy!
Smith: Stop it
[Pryde finally stops and stomps on the face of Fuller for good measure. He then heads for the side of the cage and grabs the links, testing their strength. He starts to aside the side of the cage as the crowd rises with anticipation. Fuller rolls over and sees Pryde climbing. His face is swollen and bloody. He reaches his feet and starts to climb as well. Pryde stops about halfway, kicking down at Fuller. Fuller, though, catches Pryde’s leg and he goes to grab Pryde’s other leg…Fuller’s feet are on the top rope…before Fuller can grab Pryde’s other leg, Pryde swings off the cage, hooks Fuller around the neck and tosses him from the top rope with a huricanrana!! Fuller lands hard on the mat as does Pryde. Pryde grabs his neck, as it’s still sore from earlier before crawling over to Fuller and hooking his leg for the pin, the ref makes the count]
1!
2!
Shoulder Up!!
Smith: Fuller avoids near defeat…what a huricanrana…I mean, that’s pretty close to Pryde’s finisher
Hood: Close, but not quite…but quit changing the subject, let’s talk about this conspiracy
Smith: What conspiracy?
Hood: How Pryde can’t see so OCW has the officials tell him what to do during the match, it’s unfair
Smith: That is ludicrous and would be no advantage whatsoever…please, just stop thinking
Hood: I can’t, not when injustice is taking place before my very eyes…eyes, Pryde…it’s what we use to see things and witness heinous crimes!
Smith: He can’t hear you
Hood: You mean the mask makes him deaf too?
Smith: Oh for the love
[Pryde now crawls over Fuller, heading for the cage door…Fuller, though, grabs Pryde’s leg and punches Pryde in the abdomen a few times, yanking him back, away from the door. Pryde sees Fuller as a major obstacle between himself and the door and decides for the path of least resistance. He reaches his feet and heads for the nearest cage wall and begins to climb. Fuller notices Pryde’s movements and goes after him again. Pryde is climbing faster than before as his hands reach the top of the cage. Fuller is standing on the top rope and he uses it to propel himself a few feet in the air before latching onto the cage. He climbs quickly…Pryde is on top of the cage, lying on his stomach with one leg on either side. Fuller grabs Pryde’s foot and uses it to keep Pryde in position as he continues his ascension to the top]
Smith: Both competitors are nearing the top of the cage…this won’t be good
Hood: About time, I was wondering when we’d have our obligatory “top of the cage” moment
Smith: We don’t have to have one of these, you know
Hood: It’s Pay Per View time…we absolutely need one of these
[Fuller reaches the top, along with Pryde. Fuller gets to his feet first as he’s had a grip on Pryde’s leg the entire time. Once on his feet, he goes to stomp on Pryde…Pryde rolls onto his back and grabs Fuller’s foot. He shoves it back…Fuller staggers, nearly falling off the top. Pryde, amazingly, kicks up on top of the cage and is now at his feet. He throws a few leg kicks at Fuller, attempting to take out his base. Fuller responds with a stiff right hand, sending Pryde reeling backwards. The fans on the beach and surrounding the ring are on their feet in anticipation as this is quite a visual spectacle]
Smith: I can’t take this…someone is going to fall and injure themselves
Hood: And it will be awesome…I can’t get enough of this
Smith: The sick thing is I think both men might actually thrive on the pain from a fall…considering their demeanors within that cage.
Hood: No pain no gain, man…didn’t you see that shitty Mark Wahlberg movie?
Smith: For a Michael Bay film, I found it to be pretty okay
Hood: True
[Pryde throws a leg kick at Fuller’s ribcage…Fuller catches his kick! Pryde is left hopping on one leg…Fuller reaches out and grips Pryde’s throat…he squeezes down, attempting to crush the breath right out of Pryde. In doing so, he releases Pryde’s foot…Pryde lifts a straight kick right into Fuller’s groin!! Fuller releases his grip on Pryde’s throat and falls to his knees. Pryde then leaps forward with a summersault and lands on Fuller’s shoulders and tosses Fuller with Pryde Cometh Before the Fall off the top of the cage!! Pryde doesn’t commit fully to the move as he holds on to the top of the cage with his hands. Fuller, though, falls all the way from the top down to the mat…he lands on his feet with one of his ankles bending all the way to the side!! He quickly grabs it and curls up into the fetal position…it’s hard to tell if it’s broken or just really twisted]
Smith: Oh No! That ankle has to be snapped in half…no way it could sustain that kind of fall.
Hood: Fucking brutal! Yes!
Smith: Please, stop, a professional wrestler in his prime may have just been permanently maimed in front of us.
Hood: Hey man, shit happens
[The ref checks on Fuller…or attempts to anyway, as Fuller grabs the ref by the face and shoves him away. The ref bumps hard on the mat and sits up, in pain. Pryde looks down at Fuller from the top of the cage as he’s climbed back up there. He then looks down at the ocean on the other side…the fans yell “Jump! Jump!”]
Smith: It’s over now…all Pryde has to do is jump into the ocean…a nice, easy landing and he retains.
Hood: But there are sharks in the ocean
Smith: That water is crystal clear, I don’t see anything
Hood: Yes, it’s called the camo shark…it blends in with air and stuff
Smith: Even if that WERE true…most sharks that use camouflage as a defense mechanism are typically harmless to people.
Hood: Not this one, he’s fucking deadly as the black plague or whatever that thing was back in the day. Great whites actually have never attacked a human…neither have bull sharks..it’s all been the camo shark. But nobody can see him, so they just blame it on those other harmless fish.
Smith: Whatever
[Pryde looks down at the ocean again and then at the fans who keep chanting for him to jump. He nods at the fans…but then turns around and looks down at Fuller. The fans grow silent as Pryde leaps off the top of the cage, performs a Shooting Star Press and lands right on top of Fuller!! The impact causes both men to bounce off the canvas a few inches with Pryde rolling off of Fuller, kicking his legs and clutching his abdomen! Fuller is laid out, not moving as the ref looks on, wide eyed…the fans chant “Shit Fucking Holy”]
Smith: These Hawaiians…do they not understand how to chant?
Hood: No shit, if you’re going to chant something…chant it right
Smith: I thought they’d be more knowledgeable, to be honest
Hood: I’m not that surprised, I mean they treat Grenier like he’s some kind of lord of the lava.
Smith: Indeed
[Pryde’s pain subsides enough for him to crawl on top of Fuller with a pin attempt. The ref moves into view and begins to count]
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!
Smith: Fuller kicked out...unbelievable!
Hood: No man, he shouldered up! You keep fucking that up
Smith: Sorry, I’m just used to saying kicked out
Hood: Yea, well people can’t kick with their shoulders…maybe thrust
Smith: Impressive thrust by Fuller?!
Hood: Nah, sounds like you’re giving play by play on a porno
[Pryde rises to a kneeling position shaking his head while looking down at the battered and bloodied Fuller. Pryde grabs Fuller’s head and he starts to pummel away on him, lefts and rights reign down on Fuller as he can’t cover up. Pryde then gets to his feet and he pulls Fuller to his…he quickly notices Fuller’s left ankle is lame, causing Fuller to hop around. Pryde immediately drills Fuller to the mat with a lariat! He grabs Fuller’s left leg, turns Fuller around and locks the injured ankle in an Ankle Lock! Fuller’s bloody, puffy face grimaces in pain as he musters every ounce of energy he has to not submit. The ref asks him and he continually shakes his head ‘no’]
Smith: This is bad, Hood. Pryde is going to snap that ankle
Hood: If it snaps, it snaps…dig it?
Smith: Are you channeling our former president?
Hood: Nah, I was thinking about Slim Jims
Smith: Ohhh, gotcha
[Pryde turns and turns on the ankle, pushing it to its breaking point. Fuller will not give up…he refuses to give up. Pryde, with an exposed, crimson forehead and bloodied arm gives it one, final jerk…the ankle almost snaps, moving further than it had previously. Fuller’s body begins to convulse as Pryde lets go of the ankle…Fuller clutches it and curls up. The ref rushes in and inspects his ankle…Pryde moves in for the kill, the ref tries to stop him]
Smith: He broke it…oh my gosh, I think he broke it
Hood: Damn, this is probably the greatest night in Fuller’s life
Smith: Why on Earth would you say that?
Hood: Dude loves pain, right? Well that looked pretty fucking painful to me
[Pryde shoves the ref out of the way…he bounces around and lands against the ropes, seemingly unhurt. Pryde yanks Fuller to his feet…Fuller is only on one leg. Pryde drags Fuller to the cage and he slams Fuller’s head into the cage repeatedly until Fuller can barely stand. He then knees Fuller in the gut, lifts him up, holds him in the air in a display of great strength before dropping Fuller to the mat with a jackhammer! Pryde goes for the pin as the ref makes the count]
1!
2!
Kick Out!
Smith: Stay down Fuller…geez, he’s going to cripple you
Hood: He’s already crippled…what more does he have to lose?
Smith: His life
Hood: So, yea, nothing worth holding onto
Smith: Rude!
[Pryde slams the mat with his fist, angry and frustrated. He reaches his feet again…the ref, once again, tries to plead with Pryde to leave Fuller alone and simply exit the cage. Pryde grows tired of the ref’s begging and he punches the ref in the face!! The ref falls to the mat, slowly moving. Pryde then turns his attention back to Fuller, lifting him up…Fuller, on one leg, grabs the arm of the distracted Pryde, locks in a tight armbar and quickly drops Pryde to the mat with Down The Alley! The fans rise with shock at how the move came from nowhere!! Pryde is motionless on the mat as Fuller drags his body over to Pryde. He rolls Pryde over, pinning him. He yells at the ref who looks up…slowly, the ref counts]
1….
2…….
KICK OUT!!
Smith: Pryde kicked out of Down the Alley!
Hood: Shit, Fuller with one leg and like no vision is still fucking dangerous
Smith: Like a wounded bear or snake
Hood: Or cow
Smith: Cow?
Hood: Cows can be fucking mean man
[Sean rolls off of Pryde and tries to get to his feet…he finds it very difficult…his left leg is useless as it seems the foot is hanging on by a thread. He tries to pick Pryde up off the mat, but falls down doing so. He yells out in anger and slaps the mat with his palms. Pryde sits up, slowly, looking over at the angry and semi-lame Fuller. He shakes his head, realizing he almost lost the match despite Fuller’s significant injuries. Pryde returns to his feet and walks over to Fuller. Fuller kicks Pryde in the shin with his good leg…Pryde staggers back. Pryde responds with a front kick to Fuller’s face, knocking him back. Pryde pulls Fuller to his feet…Fuller knees Pryde in the gut with his left knee. Pryde doubles over…Fuller hooks him for a DDT…Pryde, though, grabs Fuller’s left ankle and jerks it…Fuller lets go of Pryde, staggering back. Pryde then leaps in the air and drops Fuller with Pryde Cometh Before the Fall!! Pryde holds on for the pin as the ref makes the count]
1!
2!
3!!
NO!
KICK OUT!
Smith: Geebus!
Hood: It’s official, Sean Fuller is a maniac
Smith: And he said he didn’t want the title
Hood: It’s not about the title, Smith…it’s about proving to be the more vicious of the two.
Smith: He’s doing a great job of it…nobody has ever kicked out of that move...
Hood: A first time for everything
[Pryde hurries to Fuller’s left leg…he twists Fuller over and applies another ankle lock. Pryde is intent on making Fuller submit this time. The ref pleads with Fuller to tap…Fuller denies tapping…he refuses to tap. Pryde yanks on the ankle as much as he can…Fuller grimaces and pulls on his air, but he will not quit]
Smith: Give it up!
Hood: This is fascinating
Smith: No, it’s disgusting and sad
[Fuller suddenly begins laughing as Pryde looks down at the ankle, seeing that it physically cannot twist any further without coming off. He slings Fuller’s leg to the ground and grabs Fuller’s head…he lifts Fuller’s head up, face to face with his, holding onto Fuller’s head. Pryde yells something at Fuller before hooking his face and dropping him with a DDT in the middle of the ring. Pryde gets back to his feet and looks down at Fuller…Fuller crawls towards Pryde]
Smith: I think Fuller has reached a new level of insanity…he’s beyond human in some facet at this point
Hood: I don’t think there’s anything Pryde can do to keep this guy down…or make him quit
Smith: Nope, mentally, he’s broken
[Pryde stomps Fuller in the face…he keeps coming…he stomps him in the face again, Fuller keeps coming. Finally, Pryde spits in Fuller’s face and throws his hands at him…as if signaling he’s done with this. Pryde heads for the door. Fuller gets to his feet and tries to chase Pryde, but his left ankle gives way and he falls to the mat, holding it in pain. Pryde reaches the door…he looks back one last time at Fuller who is crawling his way, inch by inch towards Pryde. Pryde simply shakes his head before exiting the cage. The bell rings]
Belvedere: Here is your winner…AND STILL OCW SOUTHERN CHAMPION….PRYDE!!!!!
Smith: Pryde retains…he finally just threw in the towel
Hood: Hey, nothing wrong with throwing in the towel if it means sweet, sweet victory
Smith: Pryde started this match in a dark place…he maimed and crippled Sean Fuller…but, I think, in the end we saw that while Fuller is mentally broken…there still resides some humanity within Pryde.
Hood: So, you’re saying Pryde is of this world
Smith: Sure, if that’s what you take away from my previous statement.
[Pryde wipes blood away from his forehead and looks at the cut on his arm. Everything seems to be okay…he rotates his stiff neck back and forth, finding it to be alright as well. He reaches the beach and is handed his title before heading off up the ramp and disappearing back into the city of tents where the OCW staff and roster are residing. Back in the ring, Fuller is being attended to by several medical personnel. He tries fighting them off…punching, kicking and biting them. Finally, one of them hits him with a tranquilizer]
Hood: Shit, they are treating him like a fucking animal
Smith: Because he’s acting like one!
Hood: Hey, if the guy wants to crawl all the way back to the beach…I say let him.
Smith: That would be inhumane...Sean Fuller needs medical attention and he needs it now!
[Finally, with Fuller subdued…they are able to carry him out of the ring, back to the beach and into the tented area]
Smith: Folks, that was undoubtedly one of the most violent matches we’ve ever witnessed here in OCW. Let’s hope Sean Fuller, despite his craziness, comes out of this okay.
Hood: It was awesome man, I’m having a GREAT time…what’s next?
Smith: Next, we are going to go backstage for hopefully something lighthearted…let’s head backstage
[We cut backstage where a random reporter has a mic in his hand]
Reporter: Folks, I’m receiving reports that Amber Ryan is hurt…and hurt bad. Suspicions are that she may be done for a long, long time. She is on her way to a local area hospital to be evaluated…at that point we’ll know more. Sad, sad situation…Smith and Hood…back to you
[Before we cut away, we see Andy Murray lurking in the shadows. We cut back to the announce table]
Smith: Tragic news for one of our most beloved superstars
Hood: Sure…but what was Murray doing lurkin’ in the shadows?
Smith: Who knows…I hear he likes to lurk
Hood: Fuck…apparently so
[‘Eye of the Tiger’ blasts over the speakers on the beach as PerZag storms down to the ring. He wastes no time doing his usual entrance, and gets in the ring, grabbing a mic from Belvedere. He walks around the ring, seeming quite furious. He starts to speak into the mic]
PerZag: “I have been looking for you everywhere. I have not been able to find you. So, how about you come to me. How about you come down to this ring and face me one on one right now. You can hide all you want. That just deems you Unworthy. If you come out here right now, and face me in this ring...right now.”
[PerZag looks around the arena once more. He looks around, but a light shines in his eyes, blinding him. The mystery man comes running down the ramp, and enters the ring. He attacks PerZag as he is blinded, drilling him with a spear. He picks PerZag up and DDTs him to the mat. The mystery man goes through the bottom rope, and to the outside. The mystery man picks up a chair, and slides back into the ring. The chair is then whacked repeatedly across the back of PerZag. PerZag screams out in pain. The mystery man drops the chair and picks up the mic from the ground. The man takes off his black mask, and black clothing, revealing himself to be The Bounty Hunter]
The Bounty Hunter: “It is I. I am the one who has been playing with you. I started off doing this for fun. Seeing the way you acted from this was quite funny...”
Smith: “The Bounty Hunter was loving this.”
Hood: “Who wasn’t?”
The Bounty Hunter: “I started this off for fun, but now it has become personal. I was going to let this go a for another few weeks before showing myself. What you did this week changed my mind. You were the reason my mother died. It was all your fault. And now you will pay for what you have done. What you have put me through these past few days, is what is going to end you.”
[The Bounty Hunter drops the mic, and grabs PerZag, who is slowly getting to his feet. PerZag then strikes The Bounty Hunter, getting in a few punches. The Bounty Hunter gets knocked back into the corner. PerZag runs off into the ropes, rebounding off of it, and running at The Bounty Hunter with a clothesline. The Bounty Hunter ducks the clothesline, with PerZag rebounding off of the other ropes, and then receiving a big boot from The Bounty Hunter. PerZag hits the mat hard. The Bounty Hunter picks up the chair, and starts whacking it against PerZag. After about 10-20 strikes with the chair, The Bounty Hunter places the chair down on the mat. The Bounty Hunter walks over to PerZag, and picks him up. He walks PerZag over to the chair, picking him up, and giving him the Tombstone on the chair. PerZag hits the ground, not moving. The Bounty Hunter stands up, picking up the mic]
The Bounty Hunter: “This is only the beginning. This will continue next week.”
[The Bounty Hunter crops the mic to the ground, and walks up the ramp, and out of view. Medical staff start running into the ring to check on PerZag, who is completely unconscious]
Smith: The Bounty Hunter TURNED on PerZag!
Hood: How about that…the guy is attempting to make a name for himself
Smith: Indeed…after a grueling bout with Jason Xavier…PerZag suffers that…unthinkable. Folks, let’s cut to a hype video as PerZag is tended to and we get set up for our next match
[The screen goes blank as boos can be heard filling our ears. A voice speaks]
Voice: He’s Great…He’s The One…and Tonight he returns to shove it in the FACE of the tyrant who banished him two months ago…crippling his rightful place atop the OCW food chain. Stay tuned…his return happens AFTER the Central Title match…
[We cut back to ringside]
Smith: Oh good heavens
Hood: Yes! He’s back! The miserable prick is back!
Smith: I’m going to be sick
Hood: Sick with joy and love!
Smith: PUKE
Hood: Eww, gross…damnit man, is that apple sauce?
Smith: It’s ultra nutritious
Hood: Ugh, what are you, like eighty?
Smith: Ehud shared a recipe with me
Hood: Nasty…clean up! Clean up on aisle tiki!
Smith: Folks, it’s time for the Central Title show down…let’s head to ringside
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a triple threat ladder match and it is for the OCW Central Championship!!
[The crowd goes wild with excitement as a red flashing light brightens up the ringside area when the war sirens of "Indestructible" by Disturbed blast through the speakers on the beach. The sounds of war battles and orders being shouted out can be heard as clips of explosions and dead bodies are seen on the large screen above the entrance. After about thirty seconds of clips the distorted guitars begin as the red light continues to flash as white pyrotechnics go off around the large screen. A few seconds after the pyro goes off "the Incredible" Ian Bishop walks out to a loud chorus of boos and jeers from the local crowd and slowly makes his way to the ring while winking at hot woman and flipping off children. The siren light fades and the regular lights quickly flash as he rolls into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle and points to the crowd and disregards their hatred for him. Bishop gets off the turnbuckle and stretches the ropes as his music fades]
Belvedere: Introducing first, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada…standing 6’2 and weighing in at 235lbs… “The Incredible” Ian Bishop!!
[“Royals” by Lorde begins to play as the fans give a mixed reaction, mostly cheers, to Mia Stone. She emerges from behind the curtain, walks with a purpose across the beach, over the ramp and into the ring. Ian tosses a smirk her way as she remains calm, waiting for the bell to sound before she can unleash her inner anger]
Belvedere: Introducing next, from London, England…standing 5’7 and weighing in at 146lbs…Mia Stone!!
['Soul Wars' by Awolnation begins as MJ Bell walks out rather excited. The jumbo tron screen is flashing different red tinted lights. As she makes her way down towards the ring she interacts with the crowd, giving high-fives or hugs. The red head makes her way up onto the apron before stepping through the ropes into the ring. When the song hits the word "AMEN" pyros explode from the stage. Afterwards she hops onto the corner of the turnbuckle with her arms raising in the air]
Belvedere: And introducing the third and final participant…from Paradise, Michigan…standing 5’5 and weighing in at 123lbs…MJ Bell!!
[Belvedere promptly exits the ring and sounds the bell back on the beach as this match is underway. Each competitor looks around the ring…each side of the ring as a ladder lying next to hit…right up against the ring and only a few feet from falling into the ocean. Each competitor sizes one another up before the action begins]
Smith: An interesting match here, Hood…probably the one featuring the biggest backstory
Hood: You mean due to the nice asses in the ring
Smith: Back story, not backside…these three wrestlers represent what OCW was Pre-Lurrr…Ian, MJ and Mia were all major factors in The Family…Team Bri-whats-its-face as well as Kenny Takamoooora
Hood: I know I don’t really pay much attention to things…but I don’t believe those were their names, Smith and you’re not really one to make that kind of error.
Smith: Yea, well, I’m just saying what the company wants me to say…anyway…MJ was obviously hurt by Kenny’s departure…Mia was no doubt disrespected when Brinananana took off before paying her the honor of a singles match…which probably pissed MJ off as well…total disrespect by Brinananana. Then, of course, there’s Ian…OCW’s villain from the very start…he’s been chasing this Central Title since the day he stepped foot inside the company.
Hood: He also wants a slice of MJ
Smith: That is true as well…so, in other words…this match should be pretty
Hood: Rad
Smith: Yes, radical would apply
[Mia looks over at MJ who looks back at Mia…MJ then looks at Ian who has an arrogant look on his face. Ian hurls some kind of insulting comment at Mia causing Mia to head towards him. Ian begs her to come on. Ian is backed into a corner when Mia nears him…Ian goes for a cheap thumb into the eye, but Mia blocks his arm and shoves him into the corner. She starts to pepper him with lefts and rights, obviously venting out all of her anger she’s built up over the past few weeks. Ian tries to cover up, but he can’t, Mia’s fists are too fast and too furious. Ian starts to slump into the corner as MJ stands back and watches]
Smith: That’s a lot of anger right there, Hood…and for good reason, Ian crossed several lines with Mia this month.
Hood: What’s MJ doing…she does know she’s not the fucking ref, right?
Smith: I have to believe she’s conflicted…her feelings for Ian are complex
Hood: Oh geez, more Days of our Lives bullshit
[Mia’s assault continues as Ian slouches, eventually falling to the mat, seated against the bottom turnbuckle. Mia begins to stomp on Ian, kicking him in the face and chest. She starts to tire as Ian is pummeled and stuck in the corner. Mia turns around and finds MJ standing behind her, watching. Mia pokes MJ in the shoulder, asking why she doesn’t join in. MJ has no response, continuing to stare at Ian]
Smith: Mia is growing frustrated…I think she sort of figured that with everything that’s gone on between Ian and MJ…MJ might be on her side in this one.
Hood: That’s fucking stupid…it’s a triple threat ladder match for a championship…nobody is on each other’s side.
Smith: Well, you know what I mean…they’d take Ian out before competing against one another for the ultimate goal.
Hood: No, I didn’t know what you meant…if I did, I wouldn’t have called it stupid…or, maybe I would have…but still…I didn’t know what you meant.
Smith: I will try to be more clear in the future
Hood: Please do
[As Mia is busy interrogating MJ…Ian pulls himself up and he gives a forearm shot to Mia…Mia stumbles forward, thrusting her elbow out and inadvertently planting a stiff elbow into MJ’s face!! MJ falls to the mat, holding her mouth in pain. Mia turns around as Ian throws a punch, Mia ducks and spears Ian back into the corner. She drives her shoulder into his abdomen repeatedly until he slouches back into the seated position. Mia then lifts a knee into his face, re-busting open his nose from earlier during the tag match. Blood starts to run down, over his mouth as Mia bends over and peppers him with right hands to the forehead]
Smith: Ian saw an opportunity and took advantage…unfortunately for him, Mia is so darn determined right now.
Hood: Yea and Mia knocked the shit out of MJ…that was a wicked accident elbow…perhaps that should become a move.
Smith: You mean like accidental wrestling?
Hood: For sure, man
[MJ gets to one knee with her hand over her mouth, she checks it for blood but finds it to be dry. She turns to Mia and storms up behind her. MJ turns Mia around and slaps Mia across the face, angry that she hit her. Mia’s head jerks to the side with her hair covering her face…she slowly parts it away before returning a slap to MJ! MJ nearly falls over as Mia is pretty strong. MJ then leaps at Mia and takes her down with a Lou Thesz Press…she thrust down with forearm strikes to Mia’s head as Mia tries to cover up. Mia quickly kicks MJ off…MJ runs into the ropes, bounces off and is caught with a shoulder block from Mia…knocking her right down to the mat hard. Mia stands over MJ, looking down and shaking her head. Ian, meanwhile, is now standing in the corner he had taken his previous beating. He wipes the blood from his face, keeping an eye on Mia]
Smith: The gloves are off…MJ Bell and Mia Stone are officially NOT on the same page.
Hood: Good, I hate it when people team up in these matches…it’s fucking gay
Smith: It’s short sighted if you ask me…Ian has the most experience in a match of this magnitude…it would benefit both Mia and MJ if they could take him out early on.
Hood: Sounds like you’re advocating more CHEATING…fucking cheating bastard
Smith: For the last time, I have a father!
[Mia starts to direct her attention towards Ian…Ian, however, has other ideas as he sprints towards Mia and takes her down with spear to her side! Mia lands hard on the mat. Ian gets to his feet and he stomps away on Mia…he pulls Mia to her feet, delivers a vicious forearm uppercut and then tosses Mia over the top rope. Mia crashes onto the metal surface, hip first, narrowly missing the ladder…she grabs her hip in pain, rolling around, but avoiding the water. Ian then turns his attention to MJ, who is still lying on her back. He looks down at MJ who looks back up at him]
Smith: Uh oh…you think these two?
Hood: Here’s that partnership you were wanting, Smith…they are working together!
Smith: I really hope not…he’s sadistic while MJ is sweet…MJ, don’t do it!
Hood: Fucking do it you stupid orange haired wannabe rockstar!
[Ian reaches his hand out to help MJ up…MJ accepts it. MJ gets to her feet and instantly kicks Ian in the groin!! Ian bends over in pain, looking at MJ, surprised. MJ grabs Ian’s head and she drops him to the mat with a DDT! MJ stands with her back to Ian, who is on his…MJ leaps into the air, performing a standing moonsault! She lands right on top of Ian! The crowd starts to get behind their fan favorite, Madeline]
Smith: Go MJ Go! Just say No to the psy---CHO!
Hood: Wow man, you really are clueless when it comes to commentary, aren’t you?
Smith: Hey, I thought it was a masterpiece
Hood: A masterpiece of what, exactly?
Smith: Impromptu rhyming
Hood: Wrong
[Mia starts to climb back into the ring, reaching the apron, on her knees…MJ sprints over there and does a 619 through the ropes and drills Mia in the face with her legs! Mia falls back on the apron and then smacks against the metal surface outside the ring, missing the ladder yet again. MJ slides through the ropes and is standing on the apron with Mia laid out behind and beneath her. Ian reaches his feet in the center of the ring and is staggering around…MJ hops up on the top rope and catapults off, drilling Ian with a dropkick!! Ian falls back hard and rolls out of the ring, landing not too softly on the metal surface outside the ring, near the ladder on that side. MJ motions for the crowd who starts up a “MJ” chant]
Smith: It’s MJ Bell’s world and we’re all just living in it!
Hood: That would be a terrible world full of drama…love triangles and finger nail painting
Smith: Doesn’t sound so bad to me…no wars, no plagues…no genocide
Hood: Yea, all the good parts SUCKED right out of everyday life
[MJ rushes towards the front portion of the ring, nearest the ramp towards the beach. Ian and Mia are on the left and right sides of the ring. MJ grabs the ladder positioned there and slides it into the ring. She gets into the ring and climbs to her feet, looking up at the Central Title hanging tenuously above her. She picks up the ladder…as she does, Ian rolls back into the ring. He smiles at MJ with his arms extended, obviously looking to make some kind of deal or come to an understanding. MJ stops and watches him, bracing for anything]
Smith: Don’t fall for it MJ…he’s only trying to trick you so he can get what he truly desires…the Central Title
Hood: How do you know that? If you ask me, MJ is the one fucking with Ian…stupid ass trick always throwing guys in the friend zone then gets all mad when they want more. FUCKING TEASE!
Smith: Whoa, some pent up aggression there, Hood
Hood: Sorry, watched Just Friends the other night…tragic film
[Ian approaches MJ and reaches for the ladder…MJ jerks back and slams the top of the ladder into Ian’s face!! Ian falls to the mat as blood gushes out of his nose. He places his hand over it and looks up at MJ with anger yelling “YOU FUCKING BITCH!”…Ian hops to his feet as MJ swings the ladder, he ducks…she swings it back…he catches it and rips it away from her. MJ goes for a roundhouse kick to slam the ladder into Ian’s face, but Ian ducks and rams the top of the ladder into MJ’s right leg, which she’s standing on. MJ’s knee jerks in an awkward position as she tumbles to the ground, holding it in pain. Ian begins to slam the ladder into her body as she lies on the mat yelling “Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!”…the fans boo profusely]
Smith: Ian has snapped…something about that ladder hitting him in the face, it set off an internal rage.
Hood: Well, yea…who likes being smacked in an already busted nose with fucking metal?
Smith: Sean Fuller?
Hood: Okay, ASIDE from Sean Fuller
Smith: Nobody
[Ian positions himself where he’s standing over MJ who’s curled up, in pain from the beating she’s received. He lifts the ladder over his head, ready to send it crashing down onto her…before he can, Mia rushes up and rips it out of his hands. Ian turns around and has the ladder rammed into his midsection!! He’s leaning against the ropes as Mia charges in and clotheslines him over the top rope with the ladder!! Ian goes over the top at the front of the ring and lands on the metal surface hard, rolling down the ramp way a bit, leading towards the beach. Mia throws the ladder at him, it lands on Ian’s body as he twitches in pain. Mia then climbs through the ropes and heads after him with MJ still lying in the ring]
Smith: Thank goodness for Mia Stone as Ian Bishop was about to inflict some major damage on his ‘love’ MJ Bell
Hood: That shit is so convoluted and fucked up…I mean, seriously…maybe they do deserve each other and a permanent, weekly prime time slot on Cops and/or Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Smith: We are in Hawaii
Hood: Would you like a smoke, brah? Listen brah, blah blah blah brah brah…we need to learn from our mistakes…blah blah, brah brah…fucking shit man, that show sucks
Smith: I find it uplifting
Hood: Yea, if you’re white fucking trash
[Mia reaches the outside and heads under the ring…she pulls out two tables and a chair. Mia heads for Ian with the chair…Ian is on all fours, on the much wider ramp way that leads to the beach. She cracks the chair over his back…he arches his back and flips over, lying on the ramp way, grimacing in pain. Mia then grabs a table and sets it up on the ramp way, about ten feet away from the ring. She lifts Ian up and moves to place him on the table…Ian, though thumbs Mia in the eye! She staggers back, almost falling into the ocean…Ian kicks her in the gut, hooks her head and drops her with a snap suplex onto the ramp way! She hits hard, holding her back in pain]
Smith: I know there’s carpet on that ramp way…but it’s like a fraction of an inch thick and, underneath it is…
Hood: Thumb tacks?
Smith: No
Hood: Razor blades?
Smith: NO!
Hood: Well what then? Shark teeth?
Smith: No you moron, metal
Hood: Always fucking metal…so boring and unoriginal
[Ian looks at the table Mia set up…but it isn’t enough. He heads over for the second table and drags it to the first table…he sets it up, side by side with the first table. Ian then picks Mia up and he rolls her onto the tables. Ian climbs up on the tables with Mia, lifting her up and punching her in the face. Mia, though, returns the favor as the two trade punches back and forth, standing on these two tables in the middle of the ramp way surrounded by the ocean ten feet from the ring]
Smith: Well, this is new
Ladder Match
MJ Bell (9-2) vs. Mia Stone (6-1) vs. “The Incredible” Ian Bishop (6-4)