~We cut to the OCW Arena. It’s in amazing shape given the fact nothing has happened here in nearly 2 years. Who’Re steps into view. The crowd goes wild~
Who’Re: Hello everyone and welcome to a special edition of OCW Massacre! I’m your backstage host, Who’Re and joining me at this time is OCW General Manager...Marcus Welsh!
Smith: Marcus Welsh? I thought he was lost in North Korea.
Hood: He returned and joined The Mustard Factory.
Smith: The what and who?
Hood: It’s a long story. Guess whoever owns OCW these days didn’t mind handing a dead company back over to the former General Manager.
~Marcus Welsh stands next to Who’Re. He looks different.~
Marcus Welsh: Thank you, Whore.
Who’Re: It’s Who’Re.
Marcus Welsh: Sure. I’m sure the wrestling world has missed OCW. I mean, nobody does it better than the red, white, and black of Online Championship Wrestling. Am I right?
Who’Re: I sure do miss it.
Marcus Welsh: Well, fret not little lady. Because we are back! For one match only. Tonight we will fulfill a promise other promotions have failed to deliver. Tonight we will give the fans a legit, true, authentic Exploding Barbed Wire Death Match
~The fans go wild!!! Who’Re’s blank expression and soulless eyes are suddenly less blank and less devoid of soul~
Who’Re: OMG!
Marcus Welsh: You’re damn right. This is totally OMG worthy.
Who’Re: Who will be the brave souls competing? Matt Meyhu? Lurrr? Bifford? Syren? Mack O’Connor? Chad Vargas? Bob Grenier? RICHARD?
Marcus Welsh: Two new names, lady. And, NO...it’s not that we couldn’t afford the major league talents. Not at all. It’s that we are eager to show case some new talent in this one time only return OCW match.
Who’Re: And who are they?
Marcus Welsh: Well, you’re about to find out. We’ve rigged the ring with explosives. Everything is set...so this match is about to go down!
Who’Re: And it’s going to be a legitimate explosion, right?
Marcus Welsh: Absolutely. We aren’t going to do some candyass firework expose. Nope. True, legit dynamite is under that ring. Here at OCW we ALWAYS deliver.
Who’Re: I cannot begin to state my excitement level.
Marcus Welsh: Come join me in my suite, Who’Re. We have sausage.
Who’Re: Sausage?
Marcus Welsh: Yes. But you must eat the whole sausage, Who’Re. YOU MUST EAT THE ENTIRE SAUSAGE, WHO’RE.
Who’Re: Okay, fine. There’s no need to yell.
Voice: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to OCW’s presentation of Massacre: BLOODYMANIA
~We cut to the ring. Belvedere stands outside the ring...he’s not an idiot. Yea, sure, the ‘dynamite’ is probably shitty fireworks leftover from New Years Eve but...still...he doesn’t want to take that chance. He breathes into the mic~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen...the following contest is a match with an unnecessarily long name with several dangerous sounding words in an attempt to sell imminent danger and total destruction. And, I think, it is scheduled for one fall!
~The crowd yells “ONE FALL!” It’s not a full house. But it’s decent enough...looks to be mostly homeless vagrants living around the arena since it closed. Welsh lured them in with the promise of temporary shelter and possible television exposure~
Smith: It’s great to be back, right?
Hood: I guess. Got a full time gig over in GCWA. Not sure why I’m even here.
Smith: The experience? The intensity of such an extreme match?
Hood: Uhh, no...doesn’t ring a bell.
Smith: The paycheck?
Hood: Ah, there it is.
Smith: Well, at least we are several hundred feet away from the ring in case, ya know, there is legit dynamite under there.
Hood: Please. Welsh is full of shit.
Smith: Perhaps...promoters do tend to under-deliver in these types of situations. But..just in case.
~Noises are heard. Smith disappears under the announce desk. He emerges in a Hazmat suit~
Smith: My body is ready.
Hood: Nerd.
Smith: Now, let’s find out who the two brave, extreme souls that accepted this challenge are!
Belvedere: Introducing first...from Parts Unknown. Standing very tall and weighing quite a lot...he is...THE EXECUTIONER!!
~Dangerous, deadly music sounds out as THE EXECUTIONER steps from behind the curtain and stalks his way down the ramp. He threatens several people with murder on his way down. It’s all very scary and slightly spooky. He reaches the ring. Scruff holds out his hands and yells, “HALT!”~
Smith: Can’t have him enter the ring yet. Due to the EXTREME NATURE of this contest...both men must enter at the same time. In case an explosive goes off.
Hood: Blah blah blah
Belvedere: And, his opponent...from The Devil’s Playground...standing at an eerie height and carrying a weight that fluctuates between lethal and deadly...here is...THE DEMON!!!
~DEATH METAL combined with the sounds of demonic chanting fill the arena. THE DEMON makes his way down the ramp...he laughs maniacally and casts various spells on people in attendance. One fan, a super homeless-looking guy, faints out of fear...or dehydration...we really can’t be sure. The Demon reaches ringside and is told to stop by Scruff.~
Smith: The Demon against The Executioner!
Hood: These two should team up to face Awe.Some. Why isn’t Awe.Some in this match?
Smith: Because they have standards, Hood. Apparently their hair gel line really took off...they don’t need to wrestle for money anymore.
Hood: Lucky them.
Smith: The Demon versus The Executioner! A ring wired with ‘explosives’! Will this deliver? We’re about to find out!
~We cut to commercial~
Voice: Are you feeling down? Lethargic? Is that 2pm lull preventing you from being all you can be?
~A tired looking man nods~
Voice: Well then listen up because we have the product for you! Introducing, Scott Syren’s interdimensional cocaine!
~The tired man seems perplexed. A vile of cocaine enters the picture and a line is dabbed out. The hand holding the vile is veiny and muscular...the forearm has several trackmarks. Once the line is out, the hand grabs the tired looking man and forces him to snort the line~
Voice: Now you’ll have energy for days!
~The man goes wild! He takes off, sprinting down the street. He bursts into his neighbors door and fucks the neighbors wife. Once finished, he leaps through a window and bursts into another neighbors door and locates a keg...he lifts it up with ease and chugs from it.~
Voice: You won’t believe the immediate burst of energy!
~The man roars into the camera with dilated pupils and bloodshot eyes. He rips his clothes off and storms down the street naked. Police appear and try to restrain him. He yells at them to bring it on. A police dog comes at him...the man rips the head off the dog and tosses the dismembered canine to the side. The man yells “MY NAME IS LORDCOCK OF FUCKSVILLE YOUR MEASLY WEAPONS CANNOT HARM ME! RELISH IN MY SEXUAL TRIUMPH!”~
Voice: It will make you feel invincible!
~The cops shrug and fire. Dozens of bullets pummel the man’s naked body. He roars with laughter and might, absorbing all the blows. We pull away with the loud and bloody scene in a now blurred background. The name “Scott Syren’s Interdimensional Cocaine” hit the screen~
Voice: Scott Syren’s Interdimensional Cocaine...it’ll take you places you never dreamed possible. Only sold in or around dark alleys within the Plain of Fear.
~We cut back to the live broadcast~
Smith: AND HERE WE GO!
The Demon vs. The Executioner
~The Executioner faces the ring from the outside. Across the ring is The Demon...also outside the ring. The bell sounds. Scruff motions for both men to enter the ring. Scruff, outside the ring...takes a few steps back. The Executioner and The Demon slide into the ring and pop to their feet. Their muscles are tightened...their bodies are coiled...these two are ready to GO TO WAR~
Smith: Man it feels good to be calling OCW action once again!
Hood: Do you hear that?
Smith: Hear what?
~A high pitched hissing is heard. The ring shakes for a moment until…~
BOOM!!!
~The entire ring EXPLODES! Fans scream and duck. Body parts from The Demon and The Executioner fly through the air, along with gallons of blood. It coats most of the audience, Scruff, and Belvedere. The mess reaches the announcing table~
Hood: FUCK
~Hood is soaked in blood and guts. Smith smiles, perfectly clean in his Hazmat Suit. All is quiet~
Hood: FUCK FUCK FUCK
~Hood gets up and throws his headset down, storming off~
Smith: Are we still on air? We are? Oh...okay...do we know who won?
~It sounds kinda confusing...until Belvedere is relayed some intel. Despite being covered in smoke and blood, he remains stoic and professional~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen...I’ve just been informed that this match is...A DRAW!
~We cut back to Smith~
Smith: Send us home? Okay.
~He removes the top of his hazmat suit~
Smith: Well, folks...if there’s one thing you can’t deny it’s that OCW always delivers. We hope you enjoyed this version of Massacre. That’ll do it for now...we’ll be back next time our creator gets another ridiculous source of inspiration. Until then...stay safe, everyone!
~The Demon’s head flies into the picture...Smith casually swats it away with a heavy stack of notes. We fade out~