Live from some arbitrary High School Gymnasium
Monday, January 13th, 2014
~We open up to a shot of narrow cement floored hallway. The walls are covered with cheap plywood which is starting to peel off in some spots. Walking down the hallway is OCW creator, owner and president, Dean. He’s wearing a worn polo shirt which has faded as an effect of numerous washings. It is tucked into an outdated pair of blue jeans with pockets on the side. Covering his feet are an old pair of Nike tennis shoes with the bottoms worn down to a slick surface. His arms, hands and neck are clear of any jewelry. He reaches a door with the ‘male’ label out front and takes in a deep breath with his head down. After gathering his thoughts for a moment, Dean bursts through the door. It’s a locker room bathroom where Cisco Sheppard, Irvin Hill, Reid, Razor, Zeus and Hades are all seen putting on their aged wrestling gear. In unison, they look up and spot their worn leader. Dean forces a smile across his face as he takes stock of his current OCW roster~
President Dean: Alright suckas, who’s ready to put on a show tonight? Who’s ready to give these fans the thrill of a lifetime?!
~The six roster members emit a half hearted ‘yea…’ as Dean nods, doing his best to fire them up~
President Dean: Great, that’s the spirit I like to see. Now, tonight The Greek gods will take on House of Pain 2K in our opening bout. For the main event, it’s going to be Cisco Sheppard going one on one with Irvin Hill. The winner is the new number one contender for the OCW World Title.
~Dean takes in a breath, readying himself for another motivational spiel. Before he can reach that point, Lurrr walks in. Lurrr is dressed in a dark blue polo tucked into a pair of khakis. His blue polo has the word ‘Crusaders’ sewn in over the left chest area. Dean spots Lurrr and immediately lights up~
President Dean: A-ha! There he is, the first ever OCW World Champion and current Vice President, Lurrr! Damn, man, you look in good shape…thinking about giving it one more run?
~Dean pats Lurrr on the chest. Lurrr smiles, obviously flattered but not even close to entertaining the proposal~
Lurrr: Ha, thanks Deano, I sure do appreciate that. But it looks as though you’ve already got a stellar roster at your disposal. I wouldn’t want to steal any of their spotlight.
~Dean overlooks his tired, faceless roster and pats Lurrr on the shoulder~
President Dean: Of course, well, if you change your mind, I’m sure these guys would be happy to welcome you into the fold.
Lurrr: Sounds great…but, listen, before you head out there, we need to talk, okay?
~Dean seems caught off guard by Lurrr’s serious tone. Lurrr exits, leaving Dean in the bathroom with his roster curious over what Lurrr needs to speak with him about. Finding himself to be overly anxious to receive the news, he cuts his pep talk short~
President Dean: Alright guys, well knock them dead out there!
~Dean takes one more look at his roster as they resume suiting up for the evening. He exits the restroom and immediately finds Lurrr leaning up against one of the deteriorating walls~
President Dean: What’s up?
Lurrr: Look, man…I don’t really know how to put this, but the school board has decided that they can’t furnish their facilities for OCW shows anymore, something about the parents not wanting their children to be associated with the violence.
~Dean’s expression drops~
President Dean: But, we’ve only been here a few months.
Lurrr: You always knew this was temporary. As athletic director here, I did everything I could to extend this as long as possible. The pressure is just too much, Dean.
President Dean: Fuck…what am I supposed to do? What is OCW supposed to do?
Lurrr: Brother, I know what you’re feeling. OCW’s last few years have been marred with inconsistency and disappointment. I realize you’re trying to give the federation you built one more great run…that great run it rightly deserves before closing for good. The fact of the matter, though, is that the world has changed. It’s a new era of fans out there, none of them remember OCW. The ones that do, well, they’ve moved on to other, more reliable federations.
~Dean lowers his head, hearing what Lurrr has to say, but refusing to believe it~
Lurrr: Bury it, Dean. Put an end to OCW’s misery. In time, people will remember what OCW used to be and not what it became.
President Dean: And then what? What am I supposed to do?
Lurrr: Work for me…I can get you a coaching gig here. You have a degree, playing experience…start your life over, it’s not too late.
~Dean ponders Lurrr’s proposal before grimacing and sucking up his pride~
President Dean: No. I’m not going to do that. I’m a wrestler, plain and simple. I was put on this earth to wrestler and promote a stellar in ring product. Sure, we’re in a rut, but we will climb out. Of that, I promise you.
~Lurrr breathes in a heavy sigh, not surprised by his best friend’s response. He pats Dean on the shoulder~
Lurrr: Alright, buddy, best of luck to ya. After tonight, though, you guys need to pack up and leave.
President Dean: I understand.
~Lurrr begins to walk off, Dean speaks~
President Dean: Can I at least crash on your couch a little while longer?
~Lurrr turns around with a warm, brotherly smile~
Lurrr: Absolutely, buddy, mi casa su casa.
President Dean: It will only be for a couple more months. Our gates are getting bigger, we should be able to book regular arenas in no time.
Lurrr: Feel free to crash as long as you need.
~Lurrr walks off with Dean left standing in the hallway, alone. He places his hands on his hips and looks up at the ceiling, hoping to find some mythical answer. While doing so, he hears the OCW theme playing in the gymnasium a few feet away. The show is about to start and he needs to get ready. Dean runs his hands over his head, rotates his shoulders back and forth and then marches, with force, towards the guerilla position. We follow Dean as he reaches a thin, see through black curtain being held up by duct tape. Dean tosses it aside and walks down several 2x4s nailed together, making a ramp. Crime scene caution tape shield the crowd from the aisle way. Dean heads towards an old, worn ring surrounded by close to twenty people. Ringside, at a fold out cafeteria table is OCW’s original announcer, Hood. Hood has aged, gained weight and holds the expression of an angry, bored, bitter man. Behind him are several large women munching on some cheap popcorn and sucking down giant gas station cups filled with soda. Dean walks by Hood and gives him a nod as Hood grabs a mic while Dean slides into the ring. Once in the ring, Dean motions towards the top of the ramp where a High School student shuts off his lap top, ending the OCW entrance theme~
President Dean: Yo, OCW crowd…what’s up!!!
~Minimal response at best from the twenty or so people scattered throughout the local High School gym. The consummate professional, Dean does not show any hint of disappointment as he carries on~
President Dean: We’ve got a hell of a show for you at tonight’s Addiction! In our opening match up, we’ve got former OCW World Tag Team Champions, The Greek gods taking on a former ICWF IC Champ along with a former ICWF TV Champ in the team of House of Pain 2K!
~The youthful crowd has no idea who these people are therefore neither team gets a response~
President Dean: And, in our main event, it’s a battle for a number one contenders spot. A number one contender’s spot for which title you ask? For the OCW World Title, suckas!
~A title which once meant everything to wrestlers around the world now means nothing. The fans look around to see if anyone is actually enjoying this show thus far. A few of them walk over to a vending machine in the back to get a can of soda~
President Dean: Two OCW veterans will face off when Cisco Sheppard battles Irvin Hill in a match with five star potential! So, stick around OCW fanatics as tonight is going to be one of the best in company history!
~Not even Dean himself believes these words. However, feeling his world close to crashing down, he does his best to sell what he has. Quietly, he exits the ring as our attention focuses on Hood to call the matches~
Hood: For anyone listening out there, namely me, myself and I…this is Hood bringing you the ‘stellar’ action of tonight’s Addiction broadcast. My goodness what a lineup we have for you today…
~Hood lights a cigarette and takes in a deep breath before exhaling~
Hood: No need in going over it as Dean already took care of that…so let’s go ahead and get this over with.
~The High School student reopens his laptop and begins to blare ‘Enter Sandman’ by Metallica as Zeus and Hades, the Greek gods make their way to the ring~
Hood: There they are, people. The former OCW Tag team champions…I get asked all the time and, yes, they do believe themselves to be the famed greek gods of Olympus. Give it up for Zeus and Hades.
~Zeus and Hades march to the ring with the swagger of seven foot tall behemoths. A young female fan reaches out and slaps Hades on the arm, he grabs his bicep in pain and looks to Zeus complaining that a bruise will soon form. Zeus orders him to act like the lord of the underworld and not some pansy. They climb into the ring and are ready for combat. Instantly, their music ends as ‘California Love’ by 2Pac begins to play with a pair of legitimate athletes in Razor and Reid making their way to the ring~
Hood: Oh, great, some guys who have actually lifted a weight in their lifetime. These guys were once decent wrestlers, now they’d be better off making money working the door at some cheap brothel. Anywho, they are here to entertain you guys. I give you Reid and Razor, House of Pain 2K. For the love, is the 2K still necessary? It’s 2013 for goodness sakes…fuck.
~Reid steps over the top rope to enter as Razor hangs out on the apron. Zeus and Hades discuss who’s going to go first. Hades points out the bruise forming on his arm, so Zeus decides to start off. Both men stand in the ring looking for a ref. Dean smacks his forehead. He climbs into the ring and calls for the bell. The High School kid with his laptop ends HOP2K’s theme and plays a clip of a church bell ringing from Youtube. Sadly, a five second commercial has to play first before the bell sounds. Finally, it does~
Hood: Apparently we forgot to hire a ref for the evening…that or it wasn’t in the budget. Anyway, it looks as though our esteemed owner will be calling the match. Not surprisingly the ref has more star power in one arm than the four men combined in the squared circle.
~Reid and Zeus meet in the center of the ring. Reid looks down at the diminutive Zeus, smirking with the realization that this should be a cake walk. Zeus looks to the sky and attempt to summon some sort of power from above. Reid simply laughs at his stupidity~
Hood: Zeus going for the old lightning strike from the rafters spot. Sadly, it doesn’t appear to be working. As a side note, if anybody found that youtube advertisement for American Hustle to be entertaining, I have it on good authority that the movie will be playing around the corner at the Cinemark 12. Speaking of, if anyone knows whether or not the rumors are true about them looking for a new manager, please let me know after the show.
~Reid reaches back for a huge right hand, Zeus responds by lifting a knee. Unfortunately due to the difference in height, Zeus’ knee nails Reid directly in the groin. Reid doubles over in extreme pain. Zeus lifts a second knee into Reid’s face, causing him to stagger back. Zeus then goes for a leg dive which brings the big man to the mat where Zeus can eliminate the height disadvantage~
Hood: Well this is certainly a surprise. Not sure why Dean didn’t get onto Zeus for that obvious shot to the dick. I can only assume it was due to the fact Zeus couldn’t lift his leg any higher. At any rate, the big man is down and Zeus has control.
~Zeus gets on top of Reid, who is lying on his back, and pummels him in the face with a barrage of rights and lefts. Reid has trouble covering up as his hands are too busy holding onto his bruised junk. Zeus then applies a headscissors around Reid’s neck and clamps down as hard as he can as Reid struggles for air. Dean gets on all fours, asking Reid if he wants to give it up. Reid looks at Dean as if he must be joking. Nevertheless he seems to be in a tough spot~
Hood: The Lord of Olympus has shoved his crotch right into Reid’s face with a Headscissor hold. Reid doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of giving this one up yet, however, if enough oxygen gets cut out, we could see a KO at any moment.
~Reid attempts to break the hold, however Zeus has some pretty strong upper leg strength as he refuses to let go. Finally, Reid begins to struggle to his feet with Zeus hanging on for dear life. Reid finally reaches his feet with Zeus still applying the head scissors. Zeus takes a look down and sees how far from the mat he is and freaks out, causing him to loosen his hold. This is all Reid needs as he grabs hold of Zeus and tosses him with a jackknife powerbomb across the ring. Zeus lands hard near his corner and is lying motionless inches away from Hades outstretched hand~
Hood: The mighty Zeus showing his flying abilities there and, for those of you who can’t see or, most likely, weren’t paying attention, that mother fucker can fly.
~Reid takes a moment to shake off the slight amount of cobwebs due to the lack of oxygen from the headscissor hold and walks over to tag in Razor. Dean accepts the tag as Razor enters the ring and walks towards Zeus. Hades holds onto the tag rope and leans through the top and middle rope as far as he can. His middle finger grazes Zeus’s head. Dean slaps his hands together, signaling a tag for The Greek gods as well. Hades enters the ring~
Hood: Not sure that tag was exactly street legal, but, hey, Dean is a man for the people and he wants you guys to witness a match that doesn’t absolutely suck. Will that happen? The jury is still out.
~Razor charges at Hades. Hades darts out of the way. Razor trips over the lifeless body of Zeus and falls face first into the second turnbuckle. Razor slowly pushes himself back to his feet but is obviously dazed from impact. He staggers towards the middle of the ring. Hades sees an opportunity and rushes into the ropes. He bounces off and nails Razor in the face with a flying forearm. Razor staggers back against the ropes looking a little worse for wear. Hades runs at him and goes to clothesline him over the top rope. However, Hades is too weak to gain enough momentum to accomplish his goal. Instead, Razor falls to his knees wincing in pain. Hades takes a few steps back and kicks Razor in the side of the head. Finally, Razor falls to the mat, lying on his side~
Hood: Fuckin guy is pesky, I guess that’s what happens when you believe your some kind of weak ass demon from hell.
~Hades gets on top of Razor and starts to gouge his eyes, ears and pretty much any surface outside of his ass that he can get a grip on. Dean runs in and yanks Hades off of Razor, warning him that he is close to being disqualified~
Hood: Gosh, it would be a travesty if this match ended in a DQ. Wait, no it wouldn’t.
~Dean has finished lecturing Hades while Razor is on all fours, attempting to recover. Hades rushes in and applies several boots to Razor’s midsection, keeping him down. Hades runs into a nearby corner and lifts himself up onto the second rope. Razor is still on all fours. Hades leaps off with a leg drop across the back of Razor’s neck. Razor face plants into the mat from the impact. Hades rolls him over with every ounce of strength he can muster and goes for the pin. Dean makes the count~
1!
2!
Sucka!!
Hood: Okay, that was close. So, like I know this Razor guy was once an IC champ at a prestigious federation but the dipshit nearly lost, clean, to Hades. Hades, are you fucking serious? Can I get their real names please? I feel like a damn moron calling this match.
~Hades gives Dean the obligatory argument that his count was too slow before noticing Razor is slowly rising to his feet yet again. Remembering how hard it was to get Razor down the first time, Hades hurries to keep Razor down. With Razor on one knee, holding the ropes with both hands and catching his breath, Hades sprints in and delivers a big boot to the side of Razor’s face. The top half of Razor’s body is left hanging on the ropes, close to falling out of the ring and onto the concrete floor~
Hood: You know, for a little pussy, this guy does have a fair amount of tenacity. Don’t get me wrong, I still think they’re going to lose, but these Greek gods are doing everything they can to make it close.
~Hades climbs to the top rope with half of Razor’s body hanging out of the ring. He leaps off and delivers a double axe handle to Razor’s head. As a result from impact, Razor’s entire body spills to the outside, landing hard. The five fans near ringside shout words of encouragement towards Hades. He tells them all to go to hell~
Hood: While I don’t think Hades actually called it hell...I do admire a man who stays true to his perceived identity, even if that identity is a crisis.
~Hades looks inside the ring and sees Zeus lying on the apron outside of the ropes. He’s breathing heavily but his eyes are open as he’s slowly regaining his strength. Hades turns his attention back towards Razor and applies a couple of vicious stomps to Razor’s head. Hades then lifts Razor up and rolls him back into the ring~
Hood: I still don’t think these two idiots can pull it off but you do get the feeling that Hades is going for the final kill here.
~With Razor laying flat on his back in the center of the ring and showing no signs of moving, Hades makes his way to Zeus. Zeus has finally made it to his feet and looks as close to normal as he could hope to be at this juncture. Hades says something to Zeus, setting up their finishing maneuver. Zeus nods as Hades nears the corner. They go for a tag and whiff. Hades side is turned to Zeus as Zeus attempts the tag a second time. His hand slaps Hades on the spot of his arm where the fan struck him earlier. Hades falls to his knees, screaming in pain~
Hood: What the fuck, seriously?
~Zeus enters the ring and apologies to Hades as Hades bitches him out for slapping him on his invisible bruise. During the argument, Razor makes the most of his opportunity, crawling towards and eager Reid. Razor finally lunges with his battered body and slaps the huge, open palm of Reid. Reid enters the ring, ready to clean house~
Hood: Ohhhhhhh shit.
~Hades and Zeus continue to bicker with their backs to Reid. Reid is suddenly standing right behind them, looking down. They feel his presence and cease their arguing. Slowly, both turn around and look up at Reid. Their eyes grow wide. They join hands and attempt a double clothesline. They bounce off the big man. Reid extends his hands out and grabs both men by the throat. He lifts them up and hurls Hades over the top rope and to the outside. He follows that up by chokeslamming Zeus in the middle of the ring, hard. Reid places his foot on the chest of Zeus as Dean makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The youtube clip of the bell sounds, sans commercial this time~
Hood: And there you have it…Reid gets the win for HOP 2K. What does this win mean? Fuck if I know.
~Reid helps Razor to the back with ‘California Love’ by 2Pac playing on the laptop speakers. Dean drags Zeus to the apron and climbs out of the ring. He picks Hades up and tosses him over one shoulder while tossing Zeus over the other. He carries them to the back~
Hood: Due to our lack of any paramedics whatsoever, it appears our multi talented president will be handling mop up duty for the evening. What a guy.
~There is a moment of absolute dead silence~
Hood: So, umm yea…I guess next we have our main event with Cisco Sheppard taking on Irvin Hill. While I can’t ever remember Sheppard being in OCW, I do remember Irvin Hill getting piledriven on top of someone’s car. So, that’s his famous OCW moment.
~There is still silence as everyone waits for Dean to come back out and get the Main Event underway. We pan through the crowd for a few moments looking at the ‘crowd’. What was once around twenty has dwindled down to about thirteen. Most of them are pretty ordinary aside from a loner. A man wearing a hooded sweatshirt covering his face seated several feet from anyone else~
Hood: The Unabomber is here folks! Perhaps he’ll put us all out of our fucking misery.
~Hood turns around and converses with the three giant women behind him. They feed him some of their popcorn. He caresses their cheeks with the back of his hand~
Hood: Oh yea, big daddy Hood is going to be all up in you bitches tonight.
~The crowd suddenly reacts as Dean hustles back down to the ring~
Hood: Alright, looks like it’s just about time to put an end to this debacle.
~Dean whispers something to Hood and then slides into the ring~
Hood: Two things folks. First, it appears as though Zeus and Hades will, in fact, live. Second, Dean has informed me that a big announcement is about to take place concerning tonight’s main event. I’m hoping he will announce its cancellation so we can get out of here early and catch Sonic drink happy hour. Let’s find out!
~Dean nods towards the laptop music kid. He cuts the music~
President Dean: Alright suckas, how did you like that match??
~A smattering of silence and boos answer his question~
President Dean: Well, if you suckas thought that was good, wait until you see what we’ve got in store next. It’s our main event with a little added bonus…tonight’s main event will no longer be for a #1 contenders spot…
~Nobody in the crowd cares. Hood is back flirting with his ugly hoes~
President Dean: Nope, tonight’s main event will be FOR the OCW World Heavyweight Title.
~Nobody reacts aside from the hooded man, who shakes his head and backhands the empty chair next to him. Sadness falls over Dean’s face as he’s trying so hard to get people interested in a last ditch effort. He has no idea when or if they will have another show and is doing whatever he can to generate some momentum. Sadly, at this point, nobody cares. Dean lowers his head and motions for the laptop operator. ‘Lit Up’ by Buckcherry begins to play as Irvin Hill makes his way to the ring dressed in decade old tights which were once fashionable. He gets zero fanfare as he slides into the ring and simply walks into his corner~
Hood: Oh, shit, it’s starting? Okay folks that is Cisco…nope, wait, I’m wrong…that is Irvin Hill!
~ ‘Hypnotize’ by The Notorious BIG blares from the cheap lap top speakers as Cisco Sheppard rushes to the ring wearing swim shorts and jogging shoes. He slides in as the curse words to his theme are edited out~
Hood: And that’s Cisco Sheppard with an edited clip of his entrance theme from Youtube being played. It’s comical at this point folks, it really is.
~Dean sets the once famous OCW World Title on the table in front of Hood. Hood looks at it confused as Dean slides back into the ring to ref the match. Sheppard’s song ends and the youtube bell sounds as Dean signals for the match to begin~
Hood: What the fuck? Why is this out? Are we going to pawn it for gas money?
~It suddenly dawns on Hood as he vaguely begins to remember the stipulation change Dean announced a few moments earlier~
Hood: Mother of fuck…this is just…damnit, I don’t have the fucking words.
~Hood shakes his head and rubs his forehead, depressed over the latest developments. Back in the ring, Hill and Sheppard circle each other, sizing one another up both looking for an early advantage~
Hood: Riveting action here folks as two phenomenal talents aren’t taking anything for granted.
~Hill reaches out to grab Sheppard but Sheppard backs away. Sheppard reaches out to grab Hill, but Hill backs away. Both men back up into their corners continuing to strategize. A few of the coherent crowd members boo the lack of action~
Hood: For the love…Scott Syren, where are you? Silverfreak, where are you? Scorpion, where are you? Triple P, where are you? Fuck it, Scoot Time…where the fuck are you??
~Dean yells at both men to do something. Hill rushes at Sheppard but immediately stops a few feet away from him, unsure about going through with a move. Sheppard pulls his arm back and goes for a punch, but holds his arm back, not wanting to make a mistake~
Hood: Arghhhh!!! One of these guys is going to be OCW World Champion? Dude, this is worse than Special K…when did you ever think there would be an OCW World Champion who would soil Kreller Masters credibility?
~Sheppard finally comes out of his corner and gets within a few inches of Hill. They stare each other down for what feels like minutes. Finally, they lock up. They go back and forth in a lock up for several minutes with neither man doing anything of note. Even Dean is growing agitated at this point. Much like a boxing match, he gets in between the two men and breaks them up~
Hood: Folks, I never thought I’d say this…but I’m so depressed, I don’t see any way I get it up tonight. Sure, I know the women behind me are beyond gorgeous but…it’s not going to be enough.
~Hill and Sheppard talk some trash and look as though they are finally going to come to blows. Then, just as things seem to be getting semi interesting they…lock up again. There is a loud groan from the crowd. The man wearing the hooded sweatshirt suddenly walks through the yellow caution tape and climbs the steps up onto the ring apron in methodical fashion~
Hood: And there’s a disgruntled fan…who can really blame him? Due to our lack of security, it appears as though this match may become a triple threat.
~The hooded man climbs in through the ropes. Dean tries to stop him but he simply shoves Dean away. The fan shows a tremendous amount of power as Dean, while aging, is no weakling. However, Dean goes flying into a corner and hits fairly hard. This forces Dean to stand back and observe for a moment. Sheppard and Hill are still intertwined in their lock up of death. The fan grabs both men by the back of their necks and rips them apart from each other~
Hood: Holy shit, is this fan on roids?
~The fan grabs Hill first and drops him with a Rock Bottom!! Hill’s body goes lifeless from the impact. Sheppard kicks the fan in the back to no effect whatsoever. The fan turns around and punches Sheppard. Sheppard’s body does a 180 and the fan grabs Sheppard from behind and locks in a Full Nelson!! Sheppard tries fighting initially but quickly goes limp. The fan then hurls Sheppard’s body out of the ring as if it were a puppy nobody cared about~