LIVE! May 9th 2022
FROM El Hadj Hassan Gouled Aptidon Stadium
Smackin Djibouti
~Cold open. So chilly. Very cold. No fluff. No fanfare. This has already been too much. Our screen cuts directly to a shot of the prestigious OCW Championship locked inside a glass case. It sets in the center of the ring. OCW security surrounds the ring with Scruff inside, along with Belvedere. The fans cheer when they see the broadcast has started. They chant “OCW! OCW! OCW!” Belvedere clears his throat~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Monday Night Massacre! Please allow me to introduce tonight’s substitute General Manager...he’s your favorite designated driver...he is...The Uber Man!
~“Holding Out For a Hero” by Bonnie Tylor...the EPIC VERSION starts to play. Everyone turns and watches as a tiny green car speeds out from backstage, toward the ring. The Uber Man is behind the wheel...the top is down and riding shotgun is Tony the Spider. Tony’s mullet flies around through the air as they hit speeds of up to 15 miles an hour before reaching the ring. Uber steps out and slowly removes some shades...this man’s middle name is ‘speed’. He heads for the ring with Tony strutting like a rooster laughing. Together, they slide in and pop to their feet. An annoyed Belvedere hands the mic over~
The Uber Man: Thank you, Belvedere. Yes, it is I, the Uber Man, back once again! I flew all the way from Key West to help OCW in its moment of need. Marcus Welsh is undergoing therapy as we speak so he can return to the helm of this beast as the great and fearless leader we all know he is and will be again. But, in the meantime, he needs help.
~Tony is laughing in the background~
The Uber Man: You might be asking where Greg is...well, Greg had a nervous breakdown last week so he had to fly, urgently back to Key West to be with his pug dogs and day spa. We all wish Greg the best.
~Uber Man and Tony bow their heads, saying a silent prayer for Greg. Tony laughs some~
The Uber Man: So, with Welsh in therapy and Greg back home, I was asked to step up and here I am. So, first thing’s first. We need to settle what happened at the end of last night’s show. We need to announce right here, right NOW who the rightful OCW Champion is. And I’ve got that name right here in this envelope!
~Uber holds up a sealed envelope~
The Uber Man: In this envelope we’ll find the name of the TRUE OCW Champion. That name will either be the amazing, talented, beautiful, sensational, tremendous, benevolent, kind, beloved…
Tony the Spider: Haha!
The Uber Man: Sorry, got a little carried away. That name will either be the UH-MAZING Alice Knight or, the stupid fat plethora. So, let’s get them both out here…
~Level by the Raconteurs hits! Uber Man jumps up and down! Tony does the moonwalk, bobbing his head like a rooster. Alice Knight appears!!! She’s wearing a party dress! What does a party dress look like? Well, it looks like a party!! She hops out and waves to the fans...she’s got one of those things that you blow into and a colorful piece of paper shoots out! She’s also blowing bubbles. My gosh, it’s like her Sweet Sixteen all over again! She nears the ring and pauses...she looks up at the title and sighs, she motions around her waist, shaking her head and saying, “It’s been so long. But that baby is MINE!” She hops onto the apron and enters. Uber extends his arms for a hug, but she blows right past him and hugs the glass case with the OCW Title inside~
The Uber Man: Here she is! The soon to be TWO TIME OCW Champion! Your favorite pinup model and MINE...Alice Knight!!!
~Alice starts to kiss the glass casing~
The Uber Man: Alice, so good to see you.
~Alice begins to make out with the glass casing~
The Uber Man: Alice, my dear. Maybe…
~Alice lifts a leg up against the glass~
The Uber Man: Ohkay, let’s go ahead and bring out the fat, stupid plethora!
~This time, there is no music. Instead, there is only the angry, murderous Plethora the Perilous. He slowly emerges from the back, carrying his SCYTHE. Everybody gets out of his way. He heads for the ring. Uber looks at the giant, cloaked figure advancing...advancing...advancing. He turns to Scruff~
The Uber Man: Is, umm, somebody going to take that weapon away from him.
~It becomes very clear, very fast that nobody is going to disarm Plethora. Uber starts to get nervous~
The Uber Man: Ohhhkay...hey, you know what? We’ve got a stacked show tonight so let’s get to it, shall we? Great.
~Uber’s trembling hands fumble with the envelope. Plethora advances. And advances. And advances. Uber drops the envelope...he yelps and bends over to pick it up. Alice is still all over the glass cased OCW Title. Plethora advances...the sun shining off his super sharp blade. Uber Man snares the envelope and struggles opening it~
The Uber Man: What is this thing sealed with, Gorilla Glue? HELP!
Tony the Spider: Haha
~Tony reaches out and slices the envelope open with the fingernail of his pinkie. Uber is like “how the fuck did you do that?” Tony just laughs. Uber removes the card and reads the name~
Jones: Who’s it gonna be?
Hood: Is Plethora about to murder everyone while Alice Knight fucks the OCW Title?
Jones: Geezus...the stakes have never been higher.
The Uber Man: As decreed by those who decree such things...the OCW Champion is...PLETHORA!!!!!
~Plethora is now at ringside. He pauses. Alice turns around and yells, “WAT?!” She’s fuming~
Jones: Oh no. Uber just broke Alice’s heart which, you know, had to shatter his.
Hood: Hey when you’re the boss you gotta make tough calls.
~Alice steps up to The Uber Man and she SLAPS him across the face!!! Uber gasps! Alice boots him in the gut and she drops him with THE APACHE!!! The fans aren’t happy. Alice rolls out of the ring, furious. She screams “I PUT MY PARTY DRESS ON FOR NOTHING...NOTHING!!!” She’s so blinded by rage she just walks past the enormous, terrifying Plethora. He lets her pass...his eyes are focused on his OCW Title. Uber is down. Tony is checking on him, while eating cheetos. Belvedere hurries to unlock the case~
Jones: Somebody get him his title so he can get the hell out of here.
Hood: Seconded.
~Belvedere unlocks the case and Scruff grabs the OCW Title. He turns and throws it over the top rope toward Plethora. Plethora moves his SCYTHE to the side...it catches the title! The belt is looped, strapped to itself, so it hooks onto the SCYTHE. Plethora stands, ominously outside the ring holding his SCYTHE, his dead, gray eyes watching Scruff, Belvedere, Uber, and Tony. The security team inches away, praying he doesn’t try anything~
Jones: He’s got his belt. Please leave...please.
Hood: Yea, I’m not in the mood to die by scything.
~Plethora slowly turns and he exits. He’s got what he came for. Scruff, Belvedere, Tony, Uber, and the security team all exhale. Uber is seated up, holding his head...he starts to sob uncontrollably while Tony does his best to console him~
Jones: Uber Man’s heart is broken. Alice is his forever crush and, well, she just crushed his skull.
Hood: She kicked him out of the friend zone and down into the no-fly zone. He’s finished.
Jones: Hopefully he’ll be able to finish the night because I don’t think Tony could make it as a GM.
Hood: Yea, I’m no xenophobe but that guy’s language is fucked up.
Jones: Right.
~The DJIBOUTI fans pop loudly as the OCWtron lights up, showing outside the arena where VERONICA STRADER stands by the back door entrance for the OCW talent and staff.~
Jones: And there is our undefeated TransAtlanti Champion!
Hood: One of those is coming to an end, though, Smith.
Jones: I don’t know about that, Hood. Veronica looked very focused on the task in front of her.
Hood: My boy Cyph3r fucks with his hoodie on. He’s got this.
~Veronica seems to be waiting for someone and rests her hands on her championship around her waist. The fans get louder when they hear the sound of a motorcycle. It’s only one, and it is obviously TAMIKA STRADER, as we can see the yellow leather of her CRAZE CHAMPIONSHIP around her waist. She rides up and backs the bike up to the wall. She kicks down the kick stand and pulls off her helmet smiling widely at her niece.~
Veronica Strader: Where’s mom and Cara?
Tamika Strader: What? They aren’t here yet?
~Veronica shakes her head no. The two walk into the building and are greeted by THE KNIFE MAN and his new friend, MACHETE PHIL.~
Veronica: Knifey buddy, how are you?
Tamika: This is your new friend?
The Knife Man: I’m good, Miss Vee! And yes, Meeka! Machete Phil, this is our TransAtlantic Champion, Veronica Strader, and her aunt, the Craze Champion, Tamika Strader!
Machete Phil: Hello, ladies! A pleasure to meet you.
~Veronica and Tamika each shake his hand.~
Veronica: Pleasure is all mine, Phil.
Tamika: Salutations, Machete!
~We move back to ringside.~
Jones: Seems like Tamika was supposed to be meeting her sister Meghan and her niece Cara but they haven’t arrived.
Hood: Hey, two less Strader women is good thing in my book.
Jones: Did you know that all the staff got a raise recently?
Hood: Wait, what? I didn’t get a raise.
Jones: Couldn’t imagine why…
Hood: What the hell? I say nothing but nice things about them!
Jones: Right… Well up next we have Crash Rodriguez represented Lou Pohl–
Hood: THE GREAT Lou Pohl, get it right Jones.
Jones: against CJ O’Donnell’s slave, Gilbert!
~We are backstage where a very dejected Uber Man, seated on the GM desk, is being consoled by his pal, Tony the Spider~
Tony the Spider: hahahaha
~Uber nods~
Tony the Spider: Haha
~Uber sighs~
Tony the Spider: Ha
~Uber perks up~
Tony the Spider: Ha hahaha Ha
~Uber reaches out, placing a hand on Tony’s shoulder~
Uber Man: You speak words of truth, my friend.
~They stare at one another. Tony reaches into his fanny pack and shoves three cheetos into his mouth. He slowly chews them up...crunch, crunch, CRUNCH. Uber hops off the desk and grabs a green briefcase from the floor~
Uber Man: I may not have had the authority to make her the current OCW Champion. But that won’t stop me from giving her THIS
~Uber snaps the chest open and slams it on the desk. Tony and Uber stare into it...visible toxic fumes waft from the interior of the case, toward Uber and Tony’s face~
Uber Man: Ugh, *cough* blagh!
Tony the Spider: ha!
~Uber quickly slams the briefcase shut~
Uber Man: The OLD OCW Title. Scott Syren’s REAL World Championship. I found it down in the OCW Arena basement, right next to a crate of Silver Cola and Cocco Ricci’s skeletal remains. I’m going to send it to Alice. Some people think this title is more prestigious than the one Plethora holds. She’ll love it.
~Uber looks at Tony, almost seeking verification that this is the greatest gift ever. Tony slowly reaches into his fanny pack and removes a giant flaming hot cheeto puff. He reaches up and jams it into Uber’s mouth. We fade out~
Crash Rodriguez (3-1) vs. Gilbert (0-3)
~Gilbert stands in a corner, quivering. His bottom lip and chin shake uncontrollably. Tears stream down his face. He’s wearing a custom made “I LOVE ALICE” shirt. It’s clear Gilbert’s heart is breaking with the return of CJ O’Donnell and the resurgence of his relationship with Alice Knight~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you Alice Knight’s #1 fan and future husband...his words, NOT mine. Returning to the ring...GILBERT!
~Gilbert can’t muster the energy to play to the crowd. He’s too upset~
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~"No Love" by Death Grips hits! Lou Pohl emerges from the back with a very determined, very angry, very DISEASE FREE Crash Rodriguez marching right behind him. Crash is focused...he’s very much the opposite of his opponent. They reach the ring...Lou stands aside as Crash slides into the ring and pops to his feet~
Belvedere: From St Louis, Missouri...standing 5’11 and weighing in at 207lbs…“The Crooked Man” Crash Rodriguez!!!!
~Belvedere exits and the bell sounds~
Jones: And here we go! Crash Rodriguez back in action for the third consecutive week!
Hood: He hasn’t been this motivated since 2019!
Jones: It’s great seeing Crash so motivated.
Hood: That’s what a brush with death will do to you, Jones. He nearly died from HIV and now...now he knows how precious life is.
Jones: Whatever.
~Crash stares across the ring at Gilbert. Gilbert slowly bends over and he reaches for a boombox. He hits play and it begins to blast out “I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT!!!” Crash winces at the horrible playback quality combined with the abrasive volume. Everybody in the crowd plugs their ears. Gilbert begins to pick the boombox up~
Jones: A great song ruined by substandard speakers.
Hood: What the fuck is he even doing? Did he ever REALLY think he had a chance with Alice?
Jones: He’s a dreamer, Hood.
Hood: He’s fuckin delirious.
~Gilbert picks the boombox up and goes to hoist it over his head, trying to put forth a grand romantic gesture that will surely get Alice’s attention and win her back over. But, his arms can’t handle the weight. They shake, they bend...and he drops the boombox on the mat. Crash scoops up the boombox and in one, easy movement he SMASHES it over Gilbert’s head!!! Crash throws a big boot into Gilbert’s face, sending the heartbroken wrestler stumbling front first into his corner~
Jones: Ouch!
Hood: This is officially the day the music died...for Gilbert.
Jones: Yes, that song came to a rather abrupt end.
~Crash moves forward and bends down, grabbing Gilbert from behind...he stands upright and has Gilbert hooked, down his back, facing the mat. Crash looks into the hard camera and he jumps up and drops Gilbert on his head with Crash Landing (Kudo Driver)!!!! He holds on for the pin...Scruff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...“THE CROOKED MAN” CRASH RODRIGUEZ!!!!!
Jones: Quick work from Crash Rodriguez. His focus remain intact.
Hood: Ya know, I was wondering if intact were one or two words. But it makes sense that it’s one word...ya know, intact.
Jones: Fascinating. Gilbert’s neck joins his head, broken as a result of suffering The Crash Landing.
Hood: I said this about Mark Storm and, well, I kinda look like an idiot now but fuck it, I’m gonna say it again. I think this is the run that sees Crash finally capturing an OCW championship.
Jones: I would not be surprised.
~We cut to the backstage area where we see a close up on the rotten, rusted old OCW Championship. You can even see some stink fume like lines coming from it. An old donkey with a ribbon on its head and tail approaches the belt. It takes a sniff of the belt and begins gagging. It pans over to where a seriously pissed off Alice Knight glaring at the belt from her party chair still in her party dress. Party chair? It zooms out to reveal Alice's dressing room filled with OWL shaped balloons and a large 'Congratulations ALICE! HOOT!' banner. Alice blocks her nose while she pouts in her chair. Not taking the dirty smell any longer, she grabs her daisy smelling air freshener spray can and covers the old OCW belt with it, before rushing back to her chair to pout some more as CJ O'Donnell enters.~
CJ O’Donnell: I saw what happened my love. Are you doing ok?
Alice Knight: I know! What the hell is Uber Man thinking? Screwing my second title reign over because of our heated past? That's unfair of him! That four eyed geek is holding a grudge towards me because I only let him and I do sexual 'hand stuff' at his Aunts place back in the day... I mean, grow up already, am I right?
~CJ O'Donnell cringes at the idea of Alice and Uber once a couple.~
Alice Knight: And he gives me... as a 'gift'... that... disgusting, shit smelling 'championship' belt... what kind of gift is that? After all I did for him...? I mean I let him play with my twin girls... over my lacy bra of course...
~Alice points to her breasts as CJ shakes his head in disgust over Uber touching his woman.~
Alice Knight: Yeah it got real gross, you have like NO idea, babe. He'd spit on his hand before he touched my bra too for some reason... and then I'd mash his crotch until he got aroused on the living room sofa ... ALL while his aunt made us extra pulpy homemade orange juice and chicken fingers in the kitchen. Like what the hell...?
CJ O’Donnell: "Alice whatever you have done in your past relationships is your past. It made you become what you are today. But seriously no more Uber Man and Alice sexy stories. What the hell…
Alice Knight: I know, I know. I've done some terrible things. For instance, all this HOT FRUIT I got delivered from the African Market is going to go to waste. Do you know how expensive HOT FRUIT in Africa is? Well... me either. But it is probably hard to find anyway. I even put a deposit on a giant mother Elephant to sit on as she walked me through the towns this week as these villagers looked up at AWE at us. I can't get that money back! And worst of all... that reeking diarrhea of a smelly wrestling belt strap is a spit in my face. Spit to my OCW Hooters. A spit on the hand that lays on my lacy bra. And... A spit to everything I stand for. Honor. Respect. Glory. Ants. And Being A Champion. But the night is young, babe.
~CJ looks into Alice's eyes, seeing she is stirring up some scheme in her head. Cj goes to stop her from doing something crazy. But before he can speak Alice plants a kiss on his lips. ~
Alice Knight: You just relax and worry not. I'll take care of this. I got this... I SOOOOO got this... Good luck tonight in your match by the way... but I shall return, babe... you just be your sexy self.
~Alice pokes his nose as she smiles as she skips away leaving a confused CJ. CJ stares at the donkey who is currently eating a bowl of warm peeled pineapples.~
Jones: Alice is fired up tonight!
Hood: Whatever, just glad she’s finally got the title she deserves.
Jones: That belt might be a health hazard, if we’re being honest.
Hood: Lot of history with that belt...it hugged the waists of so many greats. Silver Cyanide, SiLVeRFReaK, Syren, Lurrr, Special K…
Jones: They weren’t all great.
Hood: Classic OCW, baby!
Jones: Anyway, Alice has something up her sleeve and I bet it won’t take long for us to find out.
Hood: Hope she forgets about this shit and goes away for the rest of the night.
~We see a shot of the Ladies Bathroom door backstage. A toilet flush sound is heard as the door swings open to reveal Alice coming out of the room. Out of her party dress and now wearing a gray blouse and denim skirt, she holds her dress and throws it in the garbage can. She wipes her hands.~
Alice Knight: Ok. That party is over... and the real party is about to begin.
~She checks her phone.~
Alice Knight: Where the hell is Abebe? He hooks me up with a cheap Elephant and says he can get me anything I want... it's like these African people don't even speak American.
~Suddenly we see OCW job men, Renee McRae on the back of Batbear stagger into frame next to Alice. They startle her as McRae slides off the back of Batbear. Probably due to the grease he is covered in.~
Renee McRae: Who are you talking to, OWLis?
Alice Knight: Listen, slick. I don't have time for this right now. And I don't want to see a bat again for the rest of my existence. Not even if it's as cool as the Batbear... so... be good guys and PISS off! Thanks... HOOT!
~Alice walks off camera as Batbear growls at Alice as he too walks away. Renee goes to follow Batbear but quickly then digs in the garbage and pulls out Alice's party dress. He sniffs it quickly and then sticks it into his spandex trunks before he rushes off camera also.~
~We cut to the makeshift A-List Family locker room here in Djibouti. Lord Allton is unimpressed at all of the mud in the hut~
Allton: **SIGH** Really, we go from a beach, to this?
~Allton looks over at Dylan who is looking out into the savannah~
Allton: Something wrong?
Dylan: The African Savannah. It’s wild. Untamed. Even some would say ‘savage’ right, Rob?
Allton: To a degree….
Dylan: Well….
~Dylan turns to the camera, breaking the fourth wall~
Dylan: Alice Knight. News travels fast… it would seem as though it’s you and me at Big Game Hunting.
~Allton whispers to himself off camera~
Allton: I hate that name.
Dylan: Well Ms Knight, I have no qualms with you. But make no mistake Queen of the HOOTERS #HOOT…… Dylan Thomas will be coming out with the title. I’ll admit street fights are not usually my jam, but I’m guessing you’ve been ‘training’ for yours already with CJ, right?
~Dylan smiles~
Dylan: Watch what I do to Zybalda in a few minutes. Because you’ve got the same fate in your future. I look forward to facing you, Alice. I actually respect the hell out of you as an athlete. But do not mistake my respect as me going easy on you. You’re a former OCW champ. You’ll handle it. See you in a few weeks.
~Dylan winks at the camera and walks out of the hut, ready for his match~
Jones: Dylan Thomas versus Alice Knight for the Savage Title? Is that happening?
Hood: Dylan seems to think it is. But I haven’t heard shit.
Jones: Me neither...where the hell is our REAL GM?
~We cut backstage where Welsh is recanting a schoolyard incident from 5th grade to The Knife Man while Machete Phil massages his temples. We cut back to Jones and Hood~
Jones: Of course.
Hood: Finally coming to grips with that time that bully stole his ice cream cone.
Jones: But, is this true? Can we get SOME clarification? Dylan Thomas wouldn’t just say that if it weren’t happening...HELLO? ANYBODY?
~We suddenly cut backstage where The Uber Man hands a contract over to Cap Slock~
The Uber Man: There ya go, Captain! It’s official!
~He turns, facing the camera~
The Uber Man: Sorry about that guys, but yes, it’s true. I felt so bad for Alice that I gave her a Savage Title shot at Big Game Hunting AND all the air time she wants on tonight's show!
~The crowd pops. Hood groans~
Jones: Okay, a little heads up would have been nice, but whatever.
Hood: We need to get that guy outta here. Alice will be the owner of this fuckin place by the time the night’s over if we don’t.
Jones: He’s not showing great leadership, I can say that much. But, it is official...Alice Knight will take on Dylan Thomas for the Savage Title at Big Game Hunting!
Hood: As scary as that is...he also said she has ALL THE AIR TIME she wants this week…
Jones: I’m sure she won’t abuse that privilege.
Hood: -stares blankly-
Dylan Thomas (13-5) vs. Mike ZyBALDa (0-2)
~We come back to the ring. ZyBald is already in there and he is just getting pelted with trash from the fans. Belvedere is outside of the ring, staying safe and we can all practically hear Poblano weeping in the backstage area at the mess he'll have to clean up later. As the trash and boos continue to rain down on ZyBalda, Belvedere does what he does best~
Belvedere: Introducing first, already in the ring, he is ZyBalda!
~The boos and trash intensify~
Belvedere: And his opponent, hailing from Hollywood, California…. Being accompanied by his wife Lissandra…. He is 'Perfection Personified' Dylan Thomas!!!
~The opening bars of 'Watch Me Shine' by Fozzy play over the PA system and fans in attendance begin to stand with a subtle 'DT' chant. After a few moments the curtain jerks and through it steps everyone's favourite Hollywood A-Listers arm in arm. Dylan and Lissandra share a kiss at the top of the ramp before nodding and waving to the chanting crowd, grins never leaving their faces. They then make their way down the ramp high-fiving lucky nearby fans. A few Dylan Section members near the front row even get a few photos. Dylan walks Lissandra up the ring steps, hopping up onto the apron, afterwards. He holds open the ropes and she kisses him as she climbs through them. Dylan leaps up onto the nearest corner, raising his arms, still with a huge grin while Lissandra stays in the ring showing off her man and applauding. As the cheers begin to die down, Dylan helps Lissandra out of the ring, and then looks to the rampway doing a final warm up~
Hood: It looks like we're in for another ZyBalda massacre tonight on Massacre.
Jones: Maybe he shouldn't have helped Poblano in his hostile takeover of the company.
Hood: He was just trying to make a living..
Jones: At the expense of others, especially Zybala, one of the current owners.
Hood: Is it a bad thing to trash Zybala though?
~The bell rings and Dylan flies out of the corner and levels ZyBalda with a heyuge clothesline! ZyBalda crashes to the mat as the fans let out a cheer. Thomas starts stomping and kicking away at ZyBalda. He gets bored and lifts ZyBalda up and shoves him back into the corner. Dylan delivers a quick elbow into the bald man's ribs, quickly doubling him over. He then starts peppering ZyBalda with lefts and right, forcing Tuff to come over and warn Dylan, but the A-Lister pays no mind to the referee. ZyBalda has passed off Dylan too many times to go easy on him. He continues his assault as Tuff starts a five count, which Dylan ignores. Tuff shouts out five as Dylan keeps punching away at his opponent. Tuff as had enough and is about to call for the bell when "Dream Weaver" hits the speakers and Zybala walks out to a big ovation!~
Jones: And it looks like one of out co owners has made an appearance.
Hoods: What's he doing out here? His match is later. Unless he's gonna enforce the rules?
Jones: Doubt it…
Hood: Yeah, it's Zybala. This isn't gonna good for ZyBalda.
~The music stops as Zybala reaches the ring. He walks in and talks to Tuff for a bit before the ref shrugs. Zybala then walks over to talk to Belvedere~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, according to Mr. Zybala, this match is now a no disqualification handicapped match!!
~The fans cheer as Dylan starts laughing. Him and Zybala both start stomping away at ZyBalda! The fans are loving this. Nobody like ZyBalda. The pair pick up the bald man and whip him into the ropes! When he bounces back, he is tossed into the air with a double flapjack! As he falls, Zybala and Dylan quickly move to drop ZyBalda with a double Connecticutter! Dylan goes for the pin but is stopped by Zybala. The pair talk as an evil smile spreads over Dylan's face. Dylan lifts ZyBalda up and shoves him hard into a waiting Zybala, who blasts the bald asshole with a vicious SUPERKICK! The force of the kick spins ZyBalda around into the waiting arms of Thomas, who lifts up ZyBalda on his shoulders and drops him with The Perfect Finish gutbuster! ZyBalda midsection lands hard on Dylan's knees and he bounces to his own knees, holds his stomach and coughing heavily. Dylan stands up and looks at Zybala before looking at ZyBalda. Zybala nods before rushing the ropes as Dylan runs at the opposite. They bounces off at the same time and Dylan brutally kicks ZyBalda in the back of the head at the same time as Zybala nails his far less handsome doppelganger with a SUPERKICK! ZyBalda drops to the mat as Dylan mercifully makes the cover~
Tuff: 1……
2…..
3!!!!!
~The bell rings as Zybala helps Dylan to his feet and raises his arm~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…. DYLAN THOMAS!!!
Hood: You know, you eventually gotta feel bad for ZyBalda getting attacked like this every match he's in…
Jones: He brought it on himself by trying to help Poblano destroy Zybala's career.
Hood: Is that really such a bad thing though? Do you really want Zybala as world champion down the line?
Jones: ZyBalda also helped Alice Knight become United States President in the alternate future.
Hood:.... We need ZyBalda in way more matches like this. The fucker needs to pay!
Jones: There it is.
~We cut to the back where we see Abebe, a short African villager in ragged clothes. We know his name is Abebe, because of the name tag sticker that says "HELLO, MY NAME IS ABEBE!" On his flip phone, he is in the middle of a call with his broken English.~
Abebe: That right, player. Abebe can hook Americans with anything. This is Abebe's city! Abebe got you, player!
~Abebe gets a scare as Alice runs up to him in pure rage. Abebe puts up his finger to Alice as he tries to finish his phone call ignoring her. But Alice has none of this, she grabs his flip cell phone and slides it down the hallway. Abebe looks shocked, Alice pulls on his shirt as it easily tears... bringing him face to face with her.~
Alice Knight: ABEBE! I NEED YOUR HELP! I have been searching for you for like 10 minutes. And 10 minutes is a long time to look for a poor African village person. Almost way too long to be honest. I need you to get some of your best men. Best 'affordable' men, I mean. I have a mission for you, buddy.
Abebe: Sister Owl. Abebe got you, hoots. But Abebe need phone.
~Abebe holds out his hand and then looks at the phone. Alice does the same as him, neither of them budging to pick up the phone. Finally Alice sighs. She quickly rushes to where she slid the phone and brings it back to him.~
Alice Knight: There. Happy?
Abebe" Abebe very happy, Sister Owl. Abebe got you.
~Alice motions for him to make his calls.~
Alice Knight: Just hurry up. We have to do this real fast if we want it to work...
~Alice begins laughing evilly rubbing her hands together as Abebe raises an eyebrow at her direction before dialing a number.~
~Cuts to a line up of African village soldiers standing outside the arena. All the male villagers were also wearing raggedy clothes and holding a different variety of weapons. Just then Abebe and Alice walk towards them. She leans into Abebe's ear.~
Alice Knight(whispering): So... Abebe... these are the best of the best right?
~Abebe leans into Alice's ear and screams~
Abebe: THAT RIGHT, HOOTS!
~Alice holds her ears as if Abebe just deafened her. She gives her attention back to the villagers.~
Alice Knight: Okay, boys. You have been selected because the rumor is you're the best of the best of the best-best! Is that right, men!!?!
~The men shrug and grunt looking at one another.~
Alice Knight: I'll take that as a yes. Plus, you were all promised 10 dollar bills, Canadian, to each of you.
Abebe: Yes, hoots. Men desperate for toilet paper.
Alice Knight: Right. Well... the mission is simple. Search and find the guest OCW Massacre General Manager... you will only find him. But not kill or eat him. You can slap him around a bit... but in the end I want him brought to me unharmed. Is that understood? He also may have a bodyguard-slash-friend around him. He goes by the name Tony The Spider. When he laughs... he is laughing at your poor lifestyles. So be welcome to destroy him... and you can also eat him if you want... but he may taste like powdered cheddar. Anyway... either way. Bring Uber Man to me.
~Once again they shrug and grunt. Alice turns to the camera with a menacing smirk and marches the villagers into the arena.~
CJ O’Donnell (6-1) vs. Middle Finger Man (0-2)
Belvedere: Our following contest is set for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit.
Jones: Did you see what CJ said that he is not going to use Irish Knowledge to beat Middle Finger Man.
Hood: CJ is a mercenary and can beat you in many different ways. Remember when he came back and disrespected TIO by hitting him with This Damn Incredible.
Belvedere: Standing in the ring to my right is the Middle Finger Man.
~ Middle Finger Man salutes the crowd with his signature two finger salute as he steps into the middle of the ring. As he walks back to his corner he bumps into Scruff. Scruff looks at him like what was that for and Middle Finger Man flips him the bird as well. ~
Hood: Middle Finger Man living up to his name giving everyone the bird tonight.
Jones: I am pretty sure he won’t do that to The Distinguished.
Hood: I agree since CJ has been back he has been a little more violent. Almost as if he has a bigger fish to fry but he is waiting for_his_ perfect opportunity.
Jones: I agree the old CJ would be demanding title matches here. Wanting big profiling matches every week to show his dominance yet he isn’t complaining.
Belvedere: And his opponent from Boston, Massachusetts…standing 5’11 and weighing in at 178lbs…he is a former OCW Tag Team Champion … “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell!!!
~“Kings Never Die” by Eminem hits. The entirety of Club Space boos the arrival of ‘The Distinguished’. CJ emerges from behind the curtain looking ready for combat. He soaks in the hate which acts as fuel motivating the man to be the best. He heads down the aisle way, arms outstretched which only draws more heat. A fan yells at him…CJ pauses and looks the fan in the eye. CJ laughs and continues heading to the ring, finding the fan to be pathetic. He hustles up the steps and enters into the ring. He looks at Middle Finger Man and turns the table on him by flipping him the birds which pisses off his opponent. Middle Finger Man kicks the bottom rope in frustration. Scruff goes to call for the bell but CJ tells him to wait a second. ~
Jones: CJ stopping as Scruff to start the match.
Hood: CJ asking for a microphone.
~ Belvedere handing O’Donnell as Middle Finger Man looks confused at what is going on. CJ puts up one finger telling him to give him a minute. ~
CJ O’Donnell: Middle Finger Man I am a man of my word. I will not be using Irish Knowledge tonight. I can see the fear in your eyes. I can see how nervous you are and …
~ CJ pauses for a brief second. ~
CJ O’Donnell: I want to do the right thing. I want to give you a chance tonight. So this is what I am going to do. Scruff is going to handcuff both my hands behind my back tonight and I am going to lay down on the mat before the bell rings. Sounds good to you?
~ Middle Finger Man nods as CJ tosses the microphone outside the ring to Belvedere who catches it. CJ pulls out handcuffs from the back of his trunks and hands them to Scruff. ~
Hood: Do you think CJ has used those handcuffs on Alice before?
Jones: Hood this is a kid friendly show we can’t talk about what happens behind closed doors. And yes yes I do.
Hood: I will admit this is bizarre even for CJ how can you beat a man with no hands to defend yourself.
~CJ turns around as Scruff hands his left and right arm behind his back. Scruff tugs on them making sure they are secure. CJ then gets on one knee before he drops to the mat and gets on his back. Scruff looks at CJ and asks if he is sure about this. CJ just smiles at him and nods. ~
DING DING DING
Jones: And there’s the bell.
Hood: Look at Middle Finger Man tho …
~Middle Finger Man is still in the corner and he is looking around. Middle Finger Man sees that it is safe as CJ is still laying on the mat. O’Donnell is struggling trying to get up, kind of like a turtle when it is on its back. Middle Finger Man is right above CJ and flips him the middle finger. The camera zooms in and CJ winks at Middle Finger Man. CJ then in a fluid motion kips up and connects with a superkick right under the jaw of Middle Finger Man. ~
Jones: That’s a new move out of CJ’s arsenal.
Hood: CJ did say he is innovative and that was very impressive.
~CJ walks over to Middle Finger Man and places his right boot on top of Middle Finger Man’s chest. Scruff slides into position to count. ~
1!
2!!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings as Scruff goes to raise the hand of The Distinguished but he realizes his hands are still handcuffed. Scruff pats CJ on the back.~
Belvedere: The winner of this match … “THE DISTINGUISHED” CJ O’DONNELL!!!
~CJ slides underneath the bottom ropes as Belvedere is still holding the microphone.~
CJ O’Donnell: Mind holding that for me Belvey. Anyway what you just saw is that I am still adapting and improving Middle Finger Man just got a taste of what it is like to be Distinguishably Knocked Out!
~ CJ walks away from Belvedere as Scruff is inside the ring checking on Middle Finger Man. ~
Jones: CJ once again victorious.
Hood: Yeah and he did it without even breaking a sweat.
Jones: CJ leaving ringside but something tells me we haven’t seen the last of him for tonight.
Hood: Obviously not haven’t you been paying attention to what Alice is doing backstage.
~We cut backstage where tonight’s GM The Uber Man is staring at the screen of a Macbook. Standing next to him is best friend and unofficial Co-GM for the evening, Tony the Spider. Tony is eating cheetos and laughing. Uber Man presses something, but nothing happens~
The Uber Man: Tony, have you ever seen a computer like this?
Tony the Spider: hahaha
The Uber Man: It’s like it’s from the future.
Tony the Spider: haha
~Uber leans forward and looks very hard at the screen. He spins the laptop around, checking it out from the side~
The Uber Man: This isn’t one of those iPods, is it?
Tony the Spider: Hahaha
The Uber Man: Yea, I didn’t think so. I don’t know why people can’t just use Windows 7 and good ole Internet Explorer. Do you know I downloaded ‘Africa’ by Toto in under 5 hours last week?
Tony the Spider: Hahahahaha
~Uber sighs and repositions the computer. He places his hands on his hips, shaking his head~
The Uber Man: I’ve got to check Mr. Welsh’s email. There could be twenty applications in there and, even though we aren’t accepting them, they still need to be told no in the nicest way possible.
~Tony tries to laugh, but he spits some half-chewed cheetos across the room. Uber Man doesn’t seem to mind. He turns and heads for the door~
The Uber Man: Maybe we can find some kinda tech person who knows how to hack into this futuristic device. C’mon, Tony, help me spot one.
~They open the door from Welsh’s office and look down the hallway. Immediately, they spot OCW star CYPH3R heading their way. He’s got his hoodie on and his hands in his pockets. He looks kinda shifty. He definitely looks like a guy who knows his way around computers. Uber elbows Tony~
The Uber Man: Hey, Tony! That guy looks like one of those nerds from Best Buy. You know, the dork squad!
Tony the Spider: Hahahaha
~Uber waves his arm out~
The Uber Man: Yoohoo! Sir!
CYPH3R: Sup.
The Uber Man: You look like one of those tech kids, you know the kids who are all up in the know about computers these days, could you help us out?
~CYPH3R looks from The Uber Man over to Tony the Spider and then back again~
CYPH3R: Who the fuck are u guys?
The Uber Man: I’ll have you know I’m the GM around these parts, and this is my best pal and co-GM, Tony the Spider…
Tony the Spider: Hahaha
~CYPH3R frowns~
CYPH3R: Uhhh…ok then, look I’m gonna keep goin this way cos I got a match to prepare for, maybe just try turning it on and off again.
~”The Superior Design starts walking away from Uber and Tony. Uber calls out before he disappears around the corner.~
The Uber Man: We already tried that, dork, Marcus Welsh’s emails will be left unread and we can’t have that! We just can’t!
Tony the Spider: Ha.
~CYPH3R wheels around, suddenly interested~
CYPH3R: Did u say…Welsh’s emails?
The Uber Man: Yeah, it’s his computer box Mac thing, his inbox is overflowing with applications and we can’t peruse them! You hear me?? WE CAN’T PERUSE!!!
~CYPH3R’s lips curl into a smirk as he trudges back to the pair~
CYPH3R: Sure, I can help u.
The Uber Man: Oh praise be to…uh…what’s your name again?
CYPH3R: That’s not important.
Tony the Spider: Haha?!
The Uber Man: Well, what could go wrong? Come with us stranger!
~Uber Man leads the way as the trio head back towards Welsh’s office~
Jones: Did...did they really just give CYPH3R access to our GM's laptop?
Hood: Geezus
Jones: I'm sure that won't come back to bite us in the ass, right? RIGHT?
Hood: Shit's more fucked off the island than ON the island.
Jones: Folks, hopefully the show doesn't get hacked...but, in case it does, let's cut to some more advertising!
~The OCWTron lights up and shows inside the locker room of the Cowgirls From Hell, but there is only one of them. Tamika Strader is lacing up her boots when Veronica opens the door and comes in.~
Veronica: Hey Auntie Tee, mom and Cara still not here?
Tamika: No, your mom’s phone is going straight to voicemail.
Veronica: Well, it is East Africa. Signals aren’t always the best you know?
~Tamika forcefully pulls the laces on her right boot tight, doing the loop under and pull to finish tying it up. She looks up at her niece, unsure.~
Tamika: Yeah, maybe.
Veronica: Maybe she’s still not happy with the fact you beat her out?
~Veronica nods towards the Craze title sitting beside Tamika. She looks over at her title, grabs it and snaps it around her waist.~
Tamika: I don’t think so, we kinda came to a understanding about it on the island. Cara was supposed to be my manager tonight and she isn’t here either.
Veronica: I’ll go find Knifey and Phil, see if they saw come in ok? I’ll come down to the ring if Cara isn’t here, ok?
~Tamika places her hand on Veronica’s shoulder.~
Tamika: You are great niece. Even better TransAtlantic champion.
~She winks and hugs Ronnie.~
Tamika: Ok, I’m off the Checker Position.~
~Tamika heads out the door leaving a smiling Veronica who heads out the door herself to find TKM and MP.~
Jones: Meghan Strader, do you think everything is ok, Hood?
Hood: How the hell should I know? It’s not like I have an extra bump in the pay to care.
Jones: Appreciate your concern. Well...wait, hold on...I’m told we’ve got another segment!
Hood: FUCK MY LIFE
Jones: Unlimited airtime, Hood.
Hood: She’s getting all the commercials, too...or am I the ONLY person noticing this?
~We open on a shot of Easton Alexander taping up his wrists in the background preparing for his match. It zooms out further to see Alice Knight lighting up a heavy doobie as she stands in front of the boiler room door. She watches Easton Alexander as noises inside the room can be heard. Sounds of some struggles and moans. She chuckles to herself. Abebe walks up to Alice and also takes notice of Easton.~
Abebe: Who. Dat. Miss. Hoots?
Alice Knight: I don't know, but shit, he looks like Bob Grenier ...with way nicer bewbs.
~Easton overhears Alice's comment and begins walking up to Alice and Abebe. He chuckles as he passes her. Alice hides her joint.~
Easton Alexander: Hey, hoot. It takes a lot of work to get boobs like mine.
~He walks pass Alice confidently out of the scene leaving Alice and Abebe looking at each other.~
Abebe: That. Guy. Cool.
~Alice shrugs but then agrees. They are joined by the rest of the hired villagers.~
Alice Knight: Good work catching the Uber Man. Fast work. And I am a woman of my word.
~She hands Abebe a roll of 10 dollar Canadian bills. Abebe holds up a bill to his men.~
Abebe: HEY! HEY! LET GO GET MCDONALDS!
~They begin cheering and hooting together. Someone in the background even shouting 'DIS GUNNA BE GOOD! MCDONALDS!' Alice takes another puffs and enters the boiler room.~
~The fans pop as the OCWtron lights as Veronica Strader approaches The Knife Man and Machete Phil sitting at a table near the back entrance playing cards. Right next to them is Knife Man’s psychiatrist office or whatever you wanna call it~
Machete Phil: Do you have any… twos?
The Knife Man: Sonofa– you sunk my Battleship!
Machete Phil: Say, you think Mr. Welsh is okay in there by himself?
The Knife Man: Oh for sure. He’s going through his middle school years...those take FOREVER.
Machete Phil: Rough times, for sure.
~Veronica nose crinkles and raises a brow.~
Veronica: hey boys, what are you playing?
Machete Phil: Crazy Eights.
Veronica: Right… So hey, have either you see my mom or my sister Cara?
~The Knife Man perks up.~
The Knife Man: Cara is around?! Man, I have missed her. She was so nice, shared some great smoke.
~Veronica raises her brow and nods.~
Veronica: Yeah, um no. Her and my mom were supposed to be here and they haven’t shown up yet.
Machete Phil: Should we be worried, Miss Strader?
Veronica: No, no. I don’t think so. If you see them, please have them find me or Tamika?
The Knife Man: Of course!
Veronica: Thanks guys, um, have fun with your game of Crazy… Eights.
~She shakes her quickly and makes her to Checker Position to meet with her aunt.~
The Knife Man: You have an Ace?
Machete Phil: No, I have no shit.
~We switch to ringside.~
Jones: Well, people are on the lookout now for Meghan and her daughter, Hood.
Hood: When I see a pay bump, I’ll care.
Tamika Strader (9-0) vs. Mad Max (0-2)
Belvedere: The Next match is scheduled for one fall... Introducing first...
~”New Orleans is Sinking” by The Tragically Hip (you are welcome Alice) as MAD MAX walks out from behind the curtain making her way down to the ring.~
Belvedere: She is MAD MAX!!!!
~Mad Max reaches the ring, slides under the bottom rope and awaits her opponent.~
~ The arena lights dim as the OCWTron comes to life, flickering silver and green as “Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts starts to play, the drum beat matching the OCWtron flickering lights. The guitar comes to life as TA-MEEK-AH STRAY-DERR (yes, just like that) appears on the screen and the OCW faithful roar to life. ~
Belvedere: Introducing next...
//We've been here too long
Belvedere: Weighing in at hundred and forty five pounds...
~ Tamika steps out from behind the curtain, Craze Championship around her waist, bobbing her head to the beat followed by her niece and TransAtlantic Champion, Veronica Strader.. ~
//Cry at night
Belvedere: Hailing from Houston, Texas by way of London, Ontario Canada...
//Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
~ Tamika reaches the bottom of the ramp and lifts her left fit up in the air, Strader Sneer across her lips. ~
//Yeah, Oh yeah, oh yeah\\
Belvedere: Accompanied by the OCW TransAtlantic Champion Veronica Strader... She is one half of the Cowgirls From Hell and the OCW CRAZE CHAMPION.... TAMIKA STRADERRRRRRRRR!!!!
//Every girl an' boy
~ Tamika walks up the steps, unclasps her Craze title belt handing it to Veronica and wipes her boots on the ring apron before stepping through the middle rope since she is no pixie stick five foot one lady. Veronica walks around the steps to her aunt’s corner and looks up at Mad Max.~
//My, my, my
~ Tamika hits the four corners raising her fist up in the air, before finding her corner as she stares down Mad Max. ~
DING DING
~Mad Max moves in for a lock up but Tamika ducks under it and strikes her with a hard kick into the back of the thigh. Mad Max's leg buckles but she stays on her feet. Mad Max moves in again and but Tamika rolls under her advance and takes hold of the back of her leg, yanking it to pull her down to the mat. She yanks the leg to an awkward angle and applies pressure.~
Jones: Some history here, Hood. Victoria Strader used to date Mad Max but I understand Scott Nash Strader was seeing her before he died.
Hood: Dating huh?
~Tamika's weight isn't enough to discourage Mad Max doing a press up and turning to take the pressure off her leg. As she turns, she makes sure to catch Tamika right in the head with her boot. Mad Max makes it back up to her feet and charges at the staggered Tamika but she recovers quickly and takes her back down again with a drop toe hold, re-applying the pressure onto the leg but Mad Max is too close to the ropes and she grabs for a break.~
Jones: Ropebreak for Mad Max.
Hood: So Veronica was really with that woman? She’s sexy.
~Mad Max shakes her leg as she makes it back to her feet, feeling the strain of Tamika's focused pressure, but with such focused attacks comes predictability and Mad Max's experienced head predicts her next move as she comes rushing in for the chop block. Mad Max simply lifts her leg and Tamika goes crashing into the mat of her own power. Mad Max goes to pick her up, but Tamika swings her leg knocking Mad Max down to the mat. Tamika up on her feet, flisp Mad Max over and applies ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK (Crisscross stranglehold cut throat, with her sitting on her opponents back). She taps and the ref calls for the bell).~
DING DING
Belvedere: and your winner via submission... your CRAZE CHAMPION TAMIKA STRADER!!!
~Veronica slides in the ring and hands Tamika her Craze Championship. The Strader champions aunt/niece duo celebrate as the fans cheer.~
Hood: Man, no one can beat these Straders. Hopefully my boy Cyph3r can take out Verontoria or whatever.
Jones: It’s Veronica, and I’m sure it will a heck of a main event!
Tryin' to get along
Pretendin' that you're oh so shy
I'm a natural ma'am
Doin' all I can
My temperature is runnin' high\\
No one in sight
An' we got so much to share
Talking's fine
If you got the time
But I ain't got the time to spare
Yeah\\
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah\\
Needs a little joy
All you do is sit an' stare
Beggin' on my knees
Baby, won't you please
Run your fingers through my hair\\
Whiskey and rye
Don't it make you feel so fine
Right or wrong
Don't it turn you on
Can't you see we're wastin' time, yeah\\
~A close up shot of Uber Man's face is seen as he slowly wakes up again. It zooms out to reveal he is tied to a chair with red duct tape. He struggles and squirms in his chair. He notices someone from within the shadows. ~
Uber Man: Who is this? What did you do to Tony? WHERE IS MY TONY!!?
~Alice appears into the light with a joint in her mouth. She blows the heavy doobie smoke into his face. He coughs repeatedly. ~
Uber Man: You shouldn't smoke the pot, Alice. THIS CJ IS A HORRIBLE INFLUENCE ON YOU!
Alice Knight: Shut up, Ube's!!! That was real funny what you did to me tonight? Giving me that stanky old OCW Belt to carry around as a 'special gift' to me? Real funny. Real nice. Bravo...
Uber Man: Smoking the hashish, hanging out with evil tattooed boys and now kidnapping! I'm calling your father, missy!
~Alice pulls out the phoniest of laughs as she turns around.~
Alice Knight: Now, Ube's. We both know I should be the REAL OCW Champion. Sure, BIff-phora did pin me first. And two times in a row. But if we follow the rules of snakes and ladders, and WE do. No matter how many times you get 'snaked', if you win at the end. Like I did. Like when I PINNED Plethora, last week! YOU ARE REWARDED THE WIN! THE PRIZE! THE OCW BELT SHOULD BE MINE! I know it. You know it. MY OCW Hooters know it. If Marcus Welsh wasn't gone mentally bonkers, despite our past, he would even know it.
Uber Man: Sorry, Alice. I've made my pick. The decision has been made. Go ahead and rape me... that's what you want!!
Alice Knight: Eww... no!!! But... a little brassier for old times' sake... maybe that will change your mind... NO TOUCHING!
~Alice smirks as she unbuttons her blouse as Uber watches her with a concerning look.~
~CJ O'Donnell is seen backstage removing his elbow pads as he searches for Alice. He passes the boiler room door where he hears the muffled sounds of Stacee Q's 'Two of Hearts' playing inside. CJ O'Donnell in anger kicks the door open and sees a tied up Uber Man staring at crying Alice Knight sitting on a paint can, using her blouse to wipe her tears. CJ looks at them in anger. He kicks the stereo shutting off the music.~
CJ O’Donnell: What the fook is going on here, Alice?
~Alice rushes towards CJ and hugs him. He hesitates not sure what to think.~
CJ O’Donnell: Did he... did he touch you, Alice? You didn't... touch him, did you?
Uber Man: Naw...
Alice Knight: No! Eww. Of course not. I thought, stupidly, that if I showed him me in my bra like we did in the old days. He'd smarten up, change his mind, do the right thing and give me the OCW Championship. It was nothing sexual. Believe me. But once I turned on the song and took my shirt off... I started vomiting profusely into a paint can. He looks like a slug. Please don't be mad...
CJ O’Donnell: HAHAHA why would I be mad? You know Alice, this is our golden opportunity to get whatever you want. Have you ever tortured someone before?
~CJ kisses Alice as they stare at a very worried Uber Man.CJ shuts the Boiler Room door..~
Jones: Well, this has gone from bad to worse for Uber Man.
Hood: So our GM is tied up and about to be tortured by CJ and Alice. Meanwhile our REAL GM slash owner is talking to himself in a room about his middle school years while his therapist is out looking for one of our financiers who is, somehow, MISSING
Jones: Yes.
Hood: Classic OCW, baby!
BRIM (17-4) vs. Sugar Valentine (0-2)
Belvedere: The next contest is scheduled for one fall...
~ “Its Hard Out Here For Pimp-Terrence Howard (Hustle & Flow)” starts up as Sugar Valentine steps out followed by some DJIBOUTI local hoes and the crowd cheers.~
Belvedere: He’s the former General Manager of both Massacre and Equality... SUGAR VALENTINE!!!
~The hoes take their spot in his corner as Sugar gets in the ring awaiting the OCW Title number one contender.~
Belvedere: And his opponent...
~ “Killjill” by Big Boi ft. Killer Mike and Young Jeezy starts to play and the arena erupts in cheers.~
Belvedere: Weighing in at 385 lbs... he is the number one contender for the OCW Championship...
~BRIM steps out from behind the curtain to loud cheers as he makes his way down to ringside.~
Belvedere: He recently was the OCW Savage Champion... BRIM!!!!!!!!!!!
~BRIM gets in the ring, staring down Sugar Valentine who looks like he wish he did take the match.~
DING DING
Jones: Well folks, we BRIM and Sugar!
Hood: Sugar should’ve probably stayed with those hoes.
DING DING
Jones: BRIM is looking confident!
Hood: Wouldn’t you?
~BRIM come running and clotheslines Sugar! Valentine rolls to all fours and tries to get up. As he does that BRIM leaps in the air and drops a huge leg across Valentine’s back and shoulders. Sugar goes flat against the mat as once again gets up and goes to pick BRIM up. BRIM with a big knee to bend Sugar over. Single arm DDT puts Valentine back on the mat as the bigger BRIM starts to stomp on the mat, waiting for Sugar to get up. Timing himself, BRIM comes off the ropes as Sugar gets to one knee. Valentine looks up and has his head nearly taken off with a well placed big boot from BRIM! BRIM picks up Sugar and places him against the ropes and gives the signal for one more big boot. BRIM goes for one more big boot but Sugar drops down while holding onto the ropes, causing BRIM to go right over and onto the ringside floor!~
Jones: Sugar with offence!
Hood: It’s gonna be short lived, watch!
~Wobbling back and forth, Sugar holds onto the rope before dropping down and rolling out of the ring. Valentine stalks BRIM for a moment before punt kicking him right into the ribs! But BRIM fights back easily lifts the little man up and rams him back first into the guard railing. BRIM lifts Valentine up in a bearhug and spins him around and rams him back first into the ring apron this time. He throws him up in the ring under the bottom rope where Sugar starts to get to his feet. However, BRIM is back in the ring, and hits CRACKIN’ NECKS (Back to Belly Piledriver; Like Hangman's Rights to Passage only he sits down instead of kneeling). He covers for the pin.~
1!
2!!
3!!!
DING DING
Belvedere: And your winner via pinfall... BRIM!!!!
Jones: Well. That was quick.
Hood: That’s what she said, Smith.
~BRIM stands there, looking out towards the Djibouti crowd. He mugs them before turning his attention to Sugar Valentine who rolls out of the ring. He scoffs before heading towards Belvedere and requests for the microphone. Belvedere obliges, handing it over to him where the former Savage Champion takes and moves towards the hard camera. He leans on the ropes casually, taking another moment to look out to the fans. He soon brings the mic towards his lips~
BRIM: Plethora. Bifford. Whatever the hell you wanna call yourself. Where are you? Just last week, we couldn’t pay the production crew to stop running idiocy that you called yourself doing.
~BRIM chuckles at the thought~
BRIM: You had mariachi bands, you were kicking bars, y’know just being the straw that.. broke the camel’s back.
~BRIM leans back from the ropes, taking a few steps back so that he’s now standing upright~
BRIM: That’s until the Abomination ran across the BRIM..
~He snarls~
BRIM: So come Big Game Hunting, right here in Djibouti.. You’re gonna forget about Kate and how she allegedly treated you. You no longer will have to worry about baiting Silverfreak out of retirement.. Cause when I’m done with ya…
~He simply drops the mic, not wanting to finish his statement. “Killjill” kicks back in, while BRIM stands there looking intensely into the camera~
Jones: BRIM is as serious a threat as there’s ever been in OCW. Plethora may have finally met his match.
Hood: Yea, BRIM questioning how Plethora can be all over a show but not show his face during BRIM’s match was interesting. He’s calling Plethora’s manhood into question.
Jones: We know BRIM fears nothing, not even Plethora. Does Plethora fear BRIM? Might be a question worth asking.
Hood: Sure, ask that question and find yourself in a chicken sandwich. Your life.
Jones: Oh, I’m sure neither man fears the other! Alright, let’s head to a commercial break!
~We cut to commercial~
~Inside the boiler room. Stuck In The Middle With You by Stealers Wheel is playing. Uber Man, still taped to the chair struggles as CJ and Alice are slow dancing to the upbeat song. CJ dips her down and then twirls her as she spins around Uber Man. She sits on the paint can again. Taking a swig of peach schnapps looking up at her man CJ as he struts ober to a railing. Puts his boot up and pulls out a straight razor. Alice puts her head into her palms watching CJ approach a shaking Uber Man.~
Uber Man: Look! I’ve made my choice! I cannot change it, now! Think about the consequences CJ! You can torture me all you want… it’s been done.
CJ O’Donnell: I dont’t give a flying FOOK what you know or don’t know… I’m going to torture you anyway. Not to get information… it’s amusing to torture a helpless soul. All you can do is pray for a quick death… which you ain’t going to get… you disrespected my Queen.
Alice Knight(thinking): Is that from Spaceballs? No… wait… yes. Spaceballs?
~CJ O’Donnell gently pats on Alice’s head.~
CJ O’Donnell: You’re so cute, Alice. No. That’s from Reservoir Dogs, dear. Right before the ear cutting scene. Have you seen it before, Uber?
~Alice stands up and pulls out the red duct tape and tears a piece off covering Uber’s mouth with it. He begins whimpering in fear. CJ begins cutting on Uber Man as the camera pans away from the ‘torture’ as Uber Man’s cries can be heard through his taped cover mouth, It pans back as we just see that CJ has cutten off Uber Mans neck tie. Uber Man looks relieved as CJ laughs tossing his tie to Alice, who quickly wraps it around her forehead as a bandana.~
Jones: Uber Man's ear is an endangered species.
Hood: Which one...left or right?
Jones: Does it matter?
Hood: Of course it matters!
Jones: Well, I don't know...but what I do know is that tag team action is up next!
BAM G (1-0) vs. The Viagra Boys (0-1)
~The Viagra Boys are standing in the ring, complaining with one another. Their crotches are bulging pretty impressively...much more than last time we saw them. And the bulge looks very symmetrical. One of the boys rubs his...it doesn’t give. The other scratches around his bulge, complaining about the itch~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a Tag Team Match and it is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring, the Viagra Boys!
Jones: The Viagra Boys looking less than comfortable.
Hood: The fuck is wrong with them?
Jones: I’m told OCW informed them that if they insist on popping viagras before every match they must wear a cup.
Hood: Wow...what a logical decision by this company.
Belvedere: And, their opponents…
~WHERE THE HOOD AT BY DMX hits and the fans pop as, for the second straight week, OCW Hall of Famer Bob Grenier emerges from the backstage area, leading JAM G behind him. JAM looks more comfortable this week than last...but it’s clear he’s still swimming, mentally. They reach the ring and Bob tosses JAM G into the ring under the bottom rope while he hustles up the steps and takes a spot on the apron. JAM pops up and looks at Bob, confused~
Belvedere: The team of Bob Grenier and JAM G...ladies and gentlemen...they are….BAM G!!!
~Belvedere exits and the bell sounds~
Jones: Bob throwing JAM G right into the fire.
Hood: Yea, Bob started last week’s match and put them in a position to win. I think he wants JAM to do the same this week.
Jones: It’s a constant learning practice. JAM G is trying to figure out how to go from jobber to main roster competitor. Not an easy transition.
~One of the Viagra boys rushes JAM G, pummeling him with double axe handles! JAM G stumbles into his team’s corner. Bob leans back, arms in the air, he’s not gonna help. The Viagra Boy clobbers and punches JAM G, beating him down to one knee. Grenier looks down at his partner and yells, “For fuck’s sake! Fight back!” JAM G throws an elbow into the Viagra Boy’s crotch!! But, it does nothing~
Jones: Hey, those cups came in handy!
Hood: That sounds kinda lewd and intrusive.
Jones: You know what I mean.
~The Viagra Boy gets pissed that JAM G tried to injure his rock hard manhood. So, he drags him out of the corner. Grenier slaps the top buckle, annoyed. The Viagra Boy scoops JAM G up and slams him onto the mat! JAM G arches his back, reaching toward the sky, his eyes filled with pain. Viagra Boy 1 heads over to tag Viagra Boy 2. Viagra Boy 2 enters and stomps on JAM G, staring down at him like the pathetic loser he appears to be~
Jones: Bob might have overestimated JAM G’s progress. This...isn’t looking good.
Hood: He chose to team up with this mother fucker. Look, I love Bob...but that’s fuckin stupid.
Jones: Hey, a janitor managed to rise from the bottom to the top. If he can do it, so can JAM G.
Hood: Oh and we all saw how well that turned out. Mother fucker is a plague on this industry.
~Viagra Boy 2 reaches down and goes for JAM G’s mask~
Jones: The ultimate insult! He’s going to try and reveal JAM G’s face to everybody!
Hood: Might as well. That way his mom can call the office and demand he return home.
~JAM G feels his identity about to be revealed. He screams out! He rakes Viagra Boy 2 across the face!! Viagra Boy 2 stumbles to one knee, stunned. JAM G hurries to his feet, making sure his mask is intact. It is! He runs up, dives forward and kicks Viagra Boy 2 in the side of the head, dropping him to the mat. JAM G pounces on top of Viagra Boy 2 and starts to punch him in the face. He punches him over and over and over and over~
Jones: JAM G has lost it! He’s going to seriously injure the Viagra Boy!
Hood: I like how we’re not even bothering to look their names up.
Jones: Well, I mean...there’s a lot of matches on tonight’s show.
~JAM G won’t stop. Viagra Boy 1 sees his ‘boy’ about to get murdered, so he enters the ring. But Bob leaps over the top rope and charges forward, destroying him with a clothesline!!! Viagra Boy 1 flies out of the ring. Scruff looks down at JAM G pulverizing Viagra Boy 2 into mush and he immediately calls for the bell~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen...the winners of this contest as a result of a ref stoppage...BAM G!!!!!
Jones: And just like that, JAM G flipped a switch and he did exactly what Bob wanted him to.
Hood: Okay, so there’s some pent up anger and fight in that guy. Interesting.
~Bob pulls JAM G off Viagra Boy 2 and stares at him. He nods, “good job.” Bob then turns around and stomps on Viagra Boy 2 for good measure before kicking him out of the ring~
Jones: JAM G still needs some work but he’s getting there.
Hood: I mean, I don’t want to say these two could contend for the Tag Titles but, then again, Zybala is a tag champion so anything can happen.
Jones: BAM G moves to 2-0, rapidly rising the tag ranks!
Hood: Classic OCW, baby!
~In the boiler room. We see Uber Man’s suit all sliced up as he still struggles to escape as CJ and Alice make out on a pile of garbage bags. As CJ kisses Alice’s neck, she notices Uber Man staring at them. Alice laughs and moves CJ’s head in the direction of Uber Man. CJ quickly jumps to his feet and gives Alice a hand to help stand up. Holding her hand, he walks himself and her to the exit.~
Alice Knight: What next? Are we finished with him?
CJ O’Donnell: Nope. Just going to look for some gasoline somewhere within this place. I am not through with this FOOK just yet…
~Alice looks excited as she and CJ walk out of the boiler room. Leaving the door open a crack. Uber Man shakes around in his chair until he falls over. This causes him to have a free hand, he reaches for the straight razor with it. Grabbing it he begins cutting the tape.~
~We cut to Wilson smiling into the camera. He’s bandaged from Easton’s attack last week but he looks to be in great spirits~
Wilson: Hey fans, Wilson here once again. I’m supposed to get word from the Dravers’ twins, but honestly, I’m not really sure I want to.
Oh? And why is that?
~Jonathan’s voice is heard off camera and the twins then wander into shot, putting their arms around Wilson~
Jonathan: That’s very unprofessional of you, Wilson.
Nathan: It is. That’s also not very nice of you.
Wilson: Well…. Can you blame me? Every time I’ve seen you, you’ve SUPERKICKED me in the face!
~The twins tut~
Nathan: Jesus. Don’t you whine and bitch?
Jonathan: Yeah. We don’t like bitchy whiners….
~**THWACK** Another Seeing Double to Wilson. The twins laugh as they see Zeus walking past. He looks at the twins and seems to grow angry at what the twins have done to Wilson~
Zeus: HEY!
~The twins turn around~
Zeus: Did you do this?!
Jonathan: So what if we did?
Zeus: You two have been doing this for too long. I SHALL SMITE THEE!
~**THWACK** A Seeing Double to Zeus~
Nathan: Good luck tonight. ‘Champ’.
Jonathan: You’re welcome Zybala.
~We cut back to ringside~
Jones: The twins continue to terrorize the locker room...I think they’ll do this until they get what they want, another shot at the tag titles.
Hood: They deserve it. I mean, that loss was total bullshit at Technical Difficulties. That wasn’t a wrestling match...they were walking through a fuckin maze or whatever. Give them what they deserve!
Jones: Well, when and if they get a shot remains to be seen. All I know is TMZ faces Too Much Zeus later tonight and, well, it appears one of the Zeus’ in Too Much Zeus is in some serious pain.
Hood: Oh well, not like they were gonna win anyway.
Jones: Hey! Zeus is riding a one match winning streak. Anyway, that match is later...up next, Supreme Machine returns to the ring in a handicap match against Tornado Alley!
Supreme Machine (6-2) vs. Tornado Alley (0-2)
~We cut to the ring to find Vortex and Debris are already inside, having a talk with each other, anxiously awaiting their opponent.~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a one-on-two handicap match! Introducing first, From Tornado Alley… Vortex. Debris. They are… Well, Tornado Alley!
~Before either can react, the spoken intro of “Warheart” by Children of Bodom hits the PA system, and Supreme Machine walks out. But instead of making his way to the ring, SuMa is holding a microphone.~
Supreme Machine: We have spoken of our creed. Adapt… or perish. We would be a poor preacher if we did not follow our own adages. So we have adapted.
~As SuMa says that, the lights go out, and a few moments later they come back, with two new faces standing in the ring behind Vortex and Debris. A male and a Female, both donning facepaint, with prominent red scars on their cheeks. Before Tornado Alley can react, they get jumped, with the man clipping Vortex’ legs from under him from behind, and the female pulling Debris down with a Backstabber. Meanwhile SuMa slowly makes his way into the ring and steps inside.~
Hood: The hell? Are those the two “disciples” SuMa nearly got killed on the island?
Jones: I don’t know. But they seem hell bent on putting Tornado Alley out of commission.
~SuMa watches as the man slaps a kimura on Vortex, and the female starts choking Debris with a figure four leglock, both tapping furiously, but since the bell hasn’t rung, there is no match to end. Scruff looks around in confusion, as SuMa grabs him by the collar and motions to the bell. Scruff starts to argue, but the look on SuMa’s face makes him reconsider, and he signals for the bell to ring. It does so, and when he sees Tornado Alley tapping furiously, he tries to signal for it again to end the match, but SuMa grabs his hand, shaking his head. Meanwhile Debris seems to have passed out in the choke, while Vortex just had his arm snapped by a violent yank on the Kimura. SuMa motions to his disciples and they stand up, letting their victims go.~
Hood: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Jones: Where’s Knux?
~SuMa kneels to look down on the fallen Tornado Alley and with a sinister chuckle points at them again, the paint-faced pair leaping on their prey. The man grabs Vortex by the face with an iron claw and starts to violently slam his head on the canvas again and again, while the female dragged Debris into the corner and after a quick run, jumps to bronco buster him, all the while giggling like a maniac. Finally SuMa raises his hand and pulls Debris into the middle of the ring, all three of them putting their foot on his chest while Scruff goes down to count to 3. SuMa then motions to Belvedere and whispers a few words to him.~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winners by Pinfall… Jake Oswin, Belinda Hargreaves… The Machine Cult!!!!!
~The Trio exits the ring, leaving Knife Man and Scruff to attend to the destroyed Tornado Alley.~
Jones: Machine Cult? Hoo-boy… I have a bad feeling this is gonna get very nasty very fast.
Hood: SuMa himself is a madman. How crazy do you think a pair of crazies who want to stay in his good graces are gonna get?
Jones: I can only imagined
~Alice and CJ return to the boiler room laughing. CJ holding a large gas can as Alice holds a boxes of matches.~
Alice Knight: We should roast his testicles over a fire…
CJ O’Donnell: I’m not going anywhere near that part of Uber. And neither are you… hey Uber….? Do you miss Tony yet? Ya Fooking Pussy!!!
~CJ turns on the light as Alice rushes to the chair looking around the room frantically. She turns to CJ…~
Alice Knight: He’s disappeared… vanished. UBER MAN WAS A GHOST THE ENTIRE TIME! Or… he escaped. And we’re going to prison…
CJ O’Donnell: We’re not going to prison, dear. He’s probably still in the building. We can find him…all we need to do is call an Uber and I’m pretty sure he will show up.
~Alice tightens her Uber Man tie headband and walks up to CJ.~
Alice Knight: Big Game Hunting? Man is the most dangerous animal of them all. Let the hunt begin.
~CJ looks at the deranged eyes of Alice. Not sure what she is ‘on’ but he likes it. As Alice passes him, CJ smacks her on the behind and follows her out of the room slamming the door shut.~
~Alexandra had been sitting in her locker room when her phone began to chime, signaling that she had a message. Picking up her phone she took a good look at it, seeing a coded message, but this wasn't in her text message folders, but rather as if someone was hacking into her phone~
~Alexandra saw the image pop up on her screen and she looked around. Her phone still in her hand.. the image still there before it changed again~
~She walked over to the door of her locker room she had been taken to when she arrived at the arena in Djibouti~
ђคשє ץ๏ย Շђ๏ยﻮђՇ คภץ๓๏гє ค๒๏ยՇ Շђє ๏ŦŦєг เ ﻮคשє ץ๏ย?
~Alexandra chuckled softly and nodded her head, before going into her notepad, knowing if he had access to her phone.. he could see what she was writing back~
"You want my answer Cypher? You got it.. let's go for the tag titles."
~She waited for his response to her answer. Soon the response came along and she smiled as she read it~
...
ɭєՇร ๔๏ Շђเร
~She smiled and nodded as the scene faded out~
~Alice and CJ can be seen in the near empty smokey parking garage with flashlights.. They are laughing together as they ‘search/hunt’ for The Uber Man. ~
Alice Knight: Hey Uber Man…you there buddy? We don’t want to hurt you, honestly. Just wanna chit-chat…
CJ O’Donnell: Yeah…exactly what Alice said we want to “chit chat” … it’s not like I have a shank or anything.
~They shine the lights into some cars as they walk through the garage. With a wide shot, we see Uber Man, in his disheveled clothes and sweating from nerves, is hiding behind an old Camero and near a mountain of what appears to be Gorilla shit.. A giant African camel spider comes out of the dung and begins crawling near Uber. Uber tries not to look directly at it, but once it touches his knee he gasps in fear making a noise. The ‘hunters’ hear him.~
Alice Knight: I think I heard him over there by that pile of Gorilla poop…
CJ O’Donnell: How do you know it's from a Gorilla?
Alice Knight: Oh, I have my ways…
CJ O’Donnell: You see the sign that says ‘Gorilla Shit’ too, right?
Alice Knight: … yep. Sure do.
~Both CJ and Alice get a fright when Uber Man jumps out from behind the car, covered in about a dozen camel spiders over his body and face. Alice and CJ grab some nearby brooms and begin hitting Uber Man and over. Swatting the spiders off of him but giving Uber a beating at the same time. The camera cuts back to ring side with Alice and CJ hitting a motionless Uber Man body. But also spider-less.~
Alexandra Calaway (1-0) vs. Mike Mason (0-2)
~We cut to the ring where Belvedere stands. There’s no jobber already between the ropes, which means one thing...we’ve reached the ‘competitive’ portion of our programming! Intensity picks up, intrigue fills the air. Belvedere’s golden voice rings out~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall!! Introducing first…
~The lights go down and "Wicked Ways" by Halestorm starts to play. The arena is filled with Red and lights and fog. The Silhouette of Alexandra can be seen at the top of the ramp. She poses on the top of the ramp and as the beat drops, she starts to make her way down the ramp, towards the ring. Stopping halfway down the ramp, she stops looking out over the crowd, before continuing on. She smirks seeing some of the signs people made, a cocky smirk crosses her face~
Belvedere: "From Dallas, Texas, Alexandra Calaway..."
~Finishing her walk down the ramp, she climbs onto the ring apron and up onto the turnbuckle. She slips into the ring and poses on the ropes, leaning forward on the ropes, sometimes talking shit with people in front row as she waits for her opponent~
Belvedere: And, her opponent…
~"Power" by Kanye West begins to play over the PA and the crowd instantly begins to boo. As the words "I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man" play, a spot light shines on the entrance way revealing the Marvelous One. His back is to the crowd, and his arms are spread out wide revealing the rhinestones words "Simply Marvelous" on the back of the robe~
~The Marvelous One spins around with a huge and cocky smile on his face. The light bounces off of his sequined and rhinestone white ring rob, with purple and blue designs on it. The darkness is replaced with a soft purple glow, but the spotlight stays on The Mecca of Manhood~
~The Marvelous One struts to the ring, walking slowly, taking his time and allowing everyone to view him. He climbs the ring stairs and instructs the referee to hold the ropes open for him~
~Scruff holds the ropes open and the Marvelous One steps through and wins around in a 360 to the middle of the ring. He unties his robe, and removes it slowly, handing it to the Scruff~
~The Marvelous One hits a front double bicep in the center of the spotlight as the music fades out~
Belvedere: From Miami, Florida...standing 6’3 and weighing in at 245lbs...Marvelous Mike Mason!!!
~Belvedere exits. Scruff hands Mason’s robe to Belvedere outside the ring. He turns his attention to both competitors and motions for the bell. It rings and we’re underway!~
Jones: And here we go! Alexandra Calaway against Mike Mason!
Hood: Beauty against the beast!
Jones: Have a thing for Alexandra, do you?
Hood: What? She’s the beast!
~Mason and Calaway approach each other. Mason’s movements are far less careful than Calaway’s. Again, he seems to be carrying a fair amount of arrogance with him. He casually reaches out to grab Alexandra...but she snares his arm and spins around, pinning it to his back. Mike winces, frustrated. Alexandra pulls on the arm, adding pressure to his shoulder. Mason takes his free arm and throws a back elbow. Alexandra ducks, freeing Mason’s arm. He spins around, but she dives between his legs. She pops to her feet and hits the ropes. Mason turns back around and is immediately met with a SPIN KICK!!! Mason stumbles back, through the ropes and onto the apron...he bounces off the apron and hits the ground outside. Alexandra remains standing, center of the ring, keeping a watch on the Mecca of Muscle~
Jones: Wow! What quickness and aggression shown by Alexandra!
Hood: Geezus, Mike. You gotta take these wrestlers seriously.
Jones: He casually threw his arm out to grab Alexandra and, well, it cost him.
Hood: If he loses tonight, man. His muscles might start to sag.
~Calaway takes off toward the ropes. Mason is on his feet. She jumps up, onto the top rope...Mason looks up...but Alexandra pauses. She realizes if she were to leap he’d catch her...so she springboards backwards, flipping over and landing on her feet, center of the ring. Mason leans back against the barricade, shaking his head. Slowly, he heads for the steps and marches up, back onto the apron...Alexandra paces, waiting for him to re-enter. Mason does, rubbing his face, feeling around for damage. He steps back through and bursts forward with that All American quickness...he throws a huge clothesline at Alexandra, but she ducks! Mason stumbles into the ropes. Calaway faces him and runs forward, leaping up and grabbing his head, dropping him with a version of a bulldog...only this one drops his throat across the top rope. She leaps over the top rope all the way to the outside. Mason falls backward, onto the mat, grasping at his throat. Alexandra hurries back onto the apron. She jumps up and springboards off the top rope with a guillotine leg drop...but Mason rolls away!!! Calaway’s ass lands hard on the mat! She winces in pain, reaching for her leg. Mason back slides into a corner, rubbing his throat while he’s got a minute to recover~
Jones: Alexandra exercised less caution on that aerial attempt and, well, it cost her.
Hood: She’s trying to fly around this ring like she’s a fuckin ghost or some shit. She doesn’t need to take too much advice from Sadie.
Jones: All she’s doing is utilizing her advantage.
~Calaway fights through the pain and hurries to her feet, knowing she can’t stay down long...not against this guy. She sees Mason in the corner and she charges forward with a dropkick...but Mason grabs her legs and he stands up! He has her legs under his arms and he starts to airplane spin! He spins and spins and spins before tossing Alexandra up, catching her and DRIVING her into the mat with a Spinebuster!!! The entire country of Djibouti shakes from the impact!!! Alexandra is down, barely moving as Mason pops to one knee, staring down at her~
Jones: And, just like that, Mike Mason has completely flipped this match.
Hood: Fuck...the explosion, the strength. Guy should’ve played football.
Jones: He did!
~Mike grabs Alexandra by the head, aggressively gripping her hair. He pulls her to her feet and he slings her into a corner. She hits HARD! She slumps down, her arms keeping her upright, hanging over the top rope. Mason charges in and he flies through the air with a HUGE splash!!! He backs up...Calaway staggers toward him. Mason boots her in the gut, grabs Alexandra and hoists her up for a Vertical Suplex! He stalls, holding her high in the air...he marches around...he pauses, flexing his bicep for the hard camera before falling back and dropping Alexandra with a HUGE stalling vertical suplex!! Mason floats over for the pin, Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
Kick Out!!
Jones: Kick out by Alexandra! Whew...this has turned south on her in a hurry.
Hood: Yea, it took a fuckin ghost to stop Mason last week. Alexandra might be a queen...she might have the attitude of a witch...but she’s no fuckin ghost.
Jones: I mean, that’s true. She is a living human being.
~Mason pops up to his knees and he grabs Calaway by the head and starts to slam the back of her skull into the mat. Alexandra, realizing she might get knocked out, swivels her hips and starts to wrap her legs around Mason’s head~
Jones: Hell’s Gate! She’s trying to lock Mason in Hell’s Gate!
Hood: Get your legs away from the Mecca of Muscle’s face! Stop trying to harm perfection!
Jones: She’s simply trying to win...if Mason cares so much about his face, maybe he shouldn’t be a wrestler.
Hood: Now you’re talking crazy!
~Mason rises, holding Alexandra up, while she continues to try and lock in her submission. Mason sprints forward and he slams Calaway’s back into the top buckle. She loses her grip on him and he backs away, leaving her seated on the top buckle. Once calmed, Mason heads back for Alexandra, reaching out for her, but she grabs his arm, pulls him in and leaps off the top with a ripcord rolling elbow!!!! Mason stumbles forward, into the corner, dropping down, face first into the second buckle. Alexandra staggers to her feet, center of the ring~
Jones: Tremendous move by Alexandra! She caught Mason right in the mouth!
Hood: Or, as Dylan would say, right in the MUSH
Jones: Yes, that’s what Dylan would say.
Hood: Turning his teeth into MUSHED potatoes, ha ha ha
Jones: Right.
~Calaway rushes forward and begins to punch Mason, furiously, in the back of the head. After several stiff blows, she grabs his mouth and fish hooks him, dragging him up and backwards, toward the center of the ring. She violently spins him around and leaps up with a V-Trigger!!! Mason drops to one knee...Calaway runs into the ropes, she bounces off and hits Mason with another V-Trigger!!! Mason falls to the mat on his back, Calaway covers him, Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!
Jones: Wow! Mike Mason nearly suffered a second consecutive defeat!
Hood: Those are some tough knees on Alexandra. I think we all know how they got that tough.
Jones: Okay, just stop it right there.
Hood: What? I was gonna say by surfing.
Jones: Sure.
~Mason’s kick out is forceful enough to send Calaway to her feet. He rolls over onto all fours, trying to meet her, but she boots him right in the face!! He leans back, on his knees, stunned by the blunt force of the kick. Calaway runs forward and she throws a SHINING WIZARD at Mason’s head, but he catches her legs once again!! He pops up and leans back, launching her into the corner with a catapult!!! She slams into the buckles and stumbles back, hitting the mat. Both wrestlers are down~
Jones: Mason’s strength continues to bail him out in this one.
Hood: You say that like it’s luck...that it’s luck he spends all that time in the gym pushing and pumping 500lbs of metal.
Jones: I’m merely stating a fact.
Hood: Just admit it, you hate Mason. You’re a big Florida State fan!
~Mason slowly sits up first, his core strength fighting through the pain and fatigue he’s experiencing. He gets to his feet and stumbles. Alexandra rolls over, she gets to one knee. Mason moves toward her and he delivers a forearm to the side of her head...he snatches her hair, to keep her from going all the way to the mat. He pulls Calaway up, spins her around and tries to lock her into Muscle Lock (Full Nelson)~
Jones: Oh no! If he gets this locked in he’ll rip her shoulders apart!
Hood: Good thing she’s got those knees broken in.
Jones: C’mon!
~Calaway, realizing the danger she’s about to get locked into, kicks her legs up and shoves off the ropes! She flips over Mason and lands behind him. He turns around and she V-Triggers him right in the face!!! Mason staggers back into the ropes...he suddenly shoots forward and takes Calaway down with a spear!!! He fights with her on the ground...she struggles, fighting back~
Jones: Mason didn’t catch all of that spear, but it was enough to get Calaway down.
Hood: She’s fuckin feisty, man. Gotta give her that.
Jones: Mason barely handled being defeated by a ghost. If a woman beats him, he might need to join Welsh on Knife Man’s couch.
Hood: He’d rather be there than Tony the Spider’s couch.
~While scrapping, Calaway, again, manages to get her legs on position around Mason’s head to lock Hell’s Gate in! Mike, like Alexandra, knows this is trouble...he, again stands up, using his incredible strength to pick Calaway off the mat. He stumbles around and tries to slam her into a corner, but he doesn’t have near the force he had earlier. He almost winds up setting her on the top buckle. She grabs the back of his head and knees him in the face, releasing her attempted Hell’s Gate. He’s staggered...he’s stumbling. She gets on the second buckle and starts to hook his arms~
Jones: Fallen Angel! Alexandra is going to hit Fallen Angel!
Hood: Mason thought that torn ACL was bad. Losing this match is gonna send him to another sport...probably golf! Only he won’t use Callaway golf balls.
Jones: Titleist?
Hood: Yes, because of Tit.
~Calaway’s got Mason’s arms hooked. She pushes off and spins around, looking to drop him with Fallen Angel...but Mason breaks free!! His raw strength powers through her lock and he throws her up, he catches her and he drops her in the center of the ring with Simply Marvelous (Sky High)!!!! Alexandra is down! Mason covers her...Scruff makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner...MIKE MASON!!!!!
Jones: Mason does it! He powered through Alexandra’s hold and managed to secure his FIRST OCW win!
Hood: Man, breaking through that hold was symbolic of that dude breaking through in his OCW career.
Jones: Sure!
~Mason shoves Alexandra away, disgusted to be touching her. He returns to his feet...Scruff goes to raise his hand, but he pushes OCW’s veteran ref aside and throws his arms up on his own...he cocks a half smile and shrugs as if to say ‘Too easy’. He then exits the ring~
Jones: He’s arrogant, no doubt about that. But he’s got the talent to back it up.
Hood: Yep, he’s putting everybody on notice. The Mecca of Muscle is going to be a problem.
Jones: As for Alexandra...a tough loss but, as we often say, you learn more from defeat than success. She’s a tremendous competitor and I have no doubt she’ll bounce back.
Hood: Oh for sure...she’s legit and a crucial piece in OCW.
~Uber, Alice and CJ are seen sitting on a bench. Uber is covered in bruises and holding a frozen bag of peas on his head. Alice sits between both men but now is holding her smelly disgusting rotten Old OCW Championship. CJ is holding Alice’s hand making direct eye contact with Uber Man. Staring a hole through him. Uber Man doesn’t make eye contact with CJ.~
Alice Knight: So… Uber, you won’t be pressing charges then? You know for the kidnapping? Threats? Brutal broom beating?
Uber Man: Nah. It’s the least I could do for you two, saving me from all those spiders…
CJ O’Donnell: What spiders? I thought those were giant ants.
~ Uber Man goes to speak but CJ continues to stare at him which shuts him up.~
Alice Knight: Since we saved your life from… those giant spiders? Would you reconsider giving the OCW Championship to that bully Plethora and maybe giving it to me? And we get to dump this old crusted up belt. Bury it in the dirt next to TIO’s ashes or something?
Uber Man: Sorry Alice. I can’t do that…
Alice Knight: Not even if I promise CJ won’t beat you up?
~Uber Man thinks about it for a second.~
Uber Man: That would be great too but I still can’t switch the OCW Championship right now. But please, feel free to defend this other belt… um… wherever and whenever you want…
Alice Knight: Great! Yippie! Thanks!
~Uber Man stands up to leave but Alice tugs on his tore up jacket.~
Alice Knight: Um… those are my peas.
~She holds out her hand as Uber sighs, handing the bag of peas over to her before walking off screen. Alice looks at CJ, and then back at the Old smelly OCW Title and back at CJ.~
Alice Knight: So… what now?
CJ O’Donnell: This OCW Kingdom still must have their King and Queen to rule it. And two Queens are better than one…
Alice Knight: Um… a three way?
CJ O’Donnell: Nnnn-no? No. I mean… you, me and the Dark Queen herself. We have a Paramount of planning ahead of us, love. Let’s go.
~CJ and Alice leave the bench and walk off screen.~
~We cut to Welsh laying on a couch. His hands are crossed over his stomach as he stares at the ceiling. He’s talking about his middle school years but nobody is in the room to hear him~
Marcus Welsh: And, so, that's when she quit letting me eat Spaghetti-Os because they weren't healthy enough and, ya know, it may not sound like much but that really hurt.
~Welsh pauses, remembering the taste of spaghetti-o’s. He dabs under his eyes with a handkerchief a few times before continuing~
Marcus Welsh: So...
~There is a knock at the door. Welsh pauses. More knocking. Welsh furrows his brow~
Marcus Welsh: Knifey, you gonna get that?
~No answer. Welsh begins to wonder. Is Knifey even IN the office? Then, a secret door slides open and The Knife Man quietly sneaks in behind his desk. Welsh looks over and spots him, right after he sits down~
The Knife Man: Who may I ask is attempting to enter this sacred, safe realm?
Voice: It's me! Mikey Z!
~Welsh perks up. The Knife Man stands and opens the door. Standing there is Mike Zybala, looking upset. Welsh turns and smiles at Zybala~
Welsh: Hey there, champ! How's it feel to finally hold gold?
~Zybala doesn't answer, but walks in the office, closing the door behind him. He sits in a chair opposite Welsh~
Zybala: I know....
Welsh: Know what?
Zybala: The Golden phone... I know....
~Welsh turns back around, staring at the ceiling~
Marcus Welsh: Mike, everybody knows about the golden phone. You're going to have to be more specific.
Zybala: Marcus, I know about who gave you the phone...
~ Welsh looks shocked for second but quickly composes himself. Knifey looks shocked too. We can tell by his body language. ~
Welsh: How did you find out?
Zybala: They reached out to me. I don't know why. Maybe it was to rub it in that WE were in their debt, since you and I are co-owners. Maybe it was to let me know what was coming. Either way, you shouldn't have kept me in the dark…
~Welsh shakes his head. Whatever confidence he may have had prior to Zybala's entry has certainly left. His eyes are shaking. His breath is labored~
Marcus Welsh: It's too late. We had no choice. I can't undo what's been done. I'm not worthy of leading this place.
~ Zybala sighs and shakes his head. ~
Zybala: Look, I'm not blaming you for anything. You did what you had to do to save everyone, despite knowing the consequences. But you can pull through thus. WE can pull through together. We are OCW strong, Marcus. We can weather this storm. And if 'they' get out of hand, well I'm sure a well placed SUPERKICK will show them how we do things here. I got your back if you got mine.
~ Zybala looks at Welsh and gives him that trademark cocky smile. The man either knows no fear, or knows no sanity... maybe both. ~
The Knife Man: *sniffle*
~Zybala and Welsh look over at Knifey~
Welsh: Are you crying?
~Knifey straightens up and clears his throat~
The Knife Man: I'm fine. Those were some moving, inspirational words. It's okay for a man to have active tear ducts.
~Welsh looks back at Zybala...he slowly extends his hand~
Welsh: I appreciate that, Mike. Having your support as well as the support from all the Proud and Strong members of OCW does give me some relief. I may not look it, but I am starting to feel better.
~He turns his hand into a fist~
Welsh: Proud and Strong.
Zybala: OCw Proud, OCW Strong, OCW TOGETHER! No more of this Lone Ranger stuff. When one owner fails, both owner fail.
Welsh: Go get em, Tiger! Big surprise if you win!
~Zybala nods and exits. Welsh goes back to talking about his middle school years as The Knife Man slips back out through the hidden door~
~Easton Alexander is standing in front of a washroom mirror, talking too himself. Trying to hype himself up before his match with Sadie Ko, whispering words of encouragement to himself.~
I don’t know if this will be the last chance I’ll get, but I’m getting close to the end of this charity rope. I need to book my own ticket to Big Game Hunting, and this is the perfect way to do it, beat a top contender and insert myself into a title match… at least that’s the hope… that title has been evading me since I got here, but this time I think I’m going to get close enough to finally get a shot, all I have to do is beat a monster.
~Easton looks down into the sink, and when he looks back up… Sadie Ko is mimicking Easton’s movements in the mirror, she appears from nowhere with no warning… but she’s not here to cause trouble, this isn’t an attack… she’s just watching, playing a little mind games. They are staring daggers through each other through the mirror, neither wanting to break… wanting to show any sign of weakness.~
All this bullshit you’ve been putting me through ends tonight, Sadie… I’m going to give my very best, 110%. like I do each and every night… I’m going to send you back to that hospital you crawled out of.
What a beautiful night for a curse!
~We cut back to Jones and Hood~
Jones: Easton Alexander sounds ready.
Hood: I don’t care how ready he sounds. He’s got to fight a fuckin ghost. He couldn’t even beat ZEUS!
Jones: Well, he’ll give it all. I know that much. Folks, it’s time for one of the most anticipated matches of the evening...will Sadie Ko continue her run through the OCW roster or will Easton Alexander break through and snag a much needed win? To the ring!
Sadie Ko (8-0) vs. Easton Alexander (5-5)
~Fans in attendance brace themselves. Several of the more ‘spiritual’ fans hold up a crucifix...ya know, JUST IN CASE. Prayers are said. Belvedere, already over the shock of seeing ghosts inside an OCW ring, handles this shit like the pro that he is~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen...the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
~Maniac - Carpenter Brut begins to play. Easton Alexander, the king of hard luck in OCW, makes his way to the ring, working his wrists, eyes locked on the ring. He’s about to face what some might call DEATH in the face. A fate that’s been haunting him all week. But, he’s unafraid, walking head first into the unknown. He hits the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and popping to his feet~
Belvedere: From North Bay Ontario Canada...standing 6’1 and weighing in at 210lbs...he is The Canadian Dragon...he is...Easton Alexander!!!!
~Not much in the way of celebration from Easton Alexander. The task in front of him is too great, too daunting. He won’t steal away from his focus~
Jones: Easton lost...LOST to Zeus last week. Now, he faces what some are calling OCW’s most dangerous competitor.
Hood: Sadie’s already defeated Easton. Easton got revenge on Sadie by yanking her into the ocean, eliminating her from the battle royal. This is, in some ways, a rubber match.
Jones: It’s hard to imagine Easton having any kind of chance in this one, given the fact he lost to Zeus last week. But, he’s been improving, rapidly.
Hood: Yea, sometimes you gotta hit rock bottom before you gain momentum.
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~The lights slowly flicker and die, and the arena mostly goes black even as various lights still try to fight and remain on, it seems some force is preventing them. The titantron screen suddenly flickers to grainy black and white footage, showing a variety of images~
~A facedown view of a woman's hand placing itself on a cutting board, a kitchen knife soon coming into focus~
~A very dusty, abandoned wrestling ring, the ropes undone and laying limply and pathetically. Inside the squared circle, is a circle of white salt. Suddenly, some force seems to cut through the salt, breaking the sacred circle even as the sound of a knife cutting through flesh and chopping into a cutting board can be heard~
~A shot of a cloudy overcast sky, even as a murder of crows fly frantically in a circle. On a closer inspection, the crows are flying backwards~
~The screen goes completely black, and the lights don't try to flicker, instead the entire erena is pitch black. Until a few seconds later, because suddenly we're seeing grainy film of a long narrow, black hallway. There is a figure in the distance, crawling toward the camera with her hair in her face. Suddenly she's miles away, writhing on the floor. Suddenly she's walking again, closer than before and staggering with hurried steps toward us. Another cut, and now when she comes back she's crawling toward us, and is right next to the titantron. She puts a hand on the camera screen, and a pale white hand pushes out into the world itself. The form of Sadie Ko crawls through into our reality, free falling and hitting the metal ramp hard enough for a dull dead 'THUD' to ring out through the arena. And as if nothing happened, she rises slowly to her feet as heavy breathing fills and floods the PA system. It gets louder and louder and becomes the droning of horrible noise, until finally the droning wailing guitar of 'Blackbirds Fall' fills the sound system~
~With that, the lights flicker back on before dying and flickering back intermittently. Sometimes they are bright yellow, sometimes purple, sometimes blood red or blinding white, and they don't stop until Sadie finally gets to the ring, and crawls over the bottom rope like a spider, and rising to her feet in the middle of that sacred squared circle. Sadie Ko is ready to fight!~
Belvedere: From Weston State Hospital, West Virginia...standing 6’1 and weighing in at 192lbs...she is the #1 Contender to the Craze Championship...she is...Sadie Ko!!!
~While Belvedere may not be TERRIFIED of Sadie, he sure as shit doesn’t wanna be in that ring with her any longer than he must. He bails. Scruff motions for the bell and it rings. Easton isn’t wasting any time, he’s pissed off. He goes after Sadie and immediately grabs two handfuls of her black, stringy hair~
Jones: And we’re off! Easton charging right at Sadie like she’s made this personal.
Hood: Hauntings are pretty fuckin personal, man.
Jones: Do we know for sure he’s being haunted?
Hood: He’s facing a fuckin ghost, man. What do you think a ghost’s form of intimidation would be? Dominating a game of Monopoly?
~Alexander manages to bully Sadie into a corner, holding onto her hair with both hands. He has her cornered and he leans in with a headbutt. It doesn’t seem to do much. He continues to rip at her hair, trying to twist and turn her head around...but Sadie’s arms reach up and the grab onto Easton’s wrists. He looks around, surprised...she rips his arms away from her hair...his hands pulling a decent amount of hair out in the process. It doesn’t seem to hurt her. Easton looks at his hands, the black hair in his fists like ‘what the fuck’...Sadie suddenly launches herself forward, taking Easton down with a very wild, sloppy thesz press. She lands on top of Easton and wraps her hands around his throat, glaring through him with that one eye~
Jones: I commend Easton’s bravery but I’m not sure that was the best course of action. Sadie’s going to try to kill him.
Hood: This is what ghost’s call an ‘invitation to their club’.
Jones: Yea, well, I don’t think Easton is ready to join the fraternity of the afterlife.
~Easton’s losing consciousness. Sadie’s grip is unlike anything he’s ever felt before. He can’t breathe. He takes his hand and he jams his thumb at Sadie’s eye. But, she suddenly lets go and appears to vanish...or move too quickly for the camera, it’s hard to tell. Easton rolls over, coughing, holding his throat. He spots Sadie in a corner, crouched down, staring at him. Her head tilts, unnaturally. Her eye pierces through him. Easton grumbles, spits, and says, “Fuck off!” He pops to his feet and charges forward, blasting Sadie in the face with a knee!!! Her body shoots, violently back into the buckles. Easton drags her out by her legs, to the center of the ring. Sadie sits up like nothing happened. Easton shakes his head, frustrated disbelief. He hits the ropes, he runs at Sadie and leaps over with a snapmare!! He pops back to his feet, she’s still seated up...he charges forward and he PUNTS her in the face with a Penalty Kick!!! Her head and back thrash violently back against the mat. Easton thinks about pinning her...but he doesn’t~
Jones: Easton Alexander is giving it all he’s got. I can’t imagine what it’s like to face...that thing.
Hood: I mean, I would have tried to pin her there.
Jones: Might have worked...then again, she might have shoved her hand down his throat.
~Sadie remains on the mat, longer than any normal wrestler. Easton senses the urgency to stay after it. He pulls Sadie up and her body complies. He boots her in the gut and brings her in...he hooks his hands, lifts her up and drops her on her head with a Gotch Style Piledriver! Sadie’s body goes stiff...not like it wasn’t already, or, the physical form anyway...and she lands front first on the mat. Easton returns to his feet, staying active~
Jones: Tremendous impact by Easton but you have to wonder...how much effect does all of this actually have on Sadie?
Hood: Fuck if I know, man. We’re in uncharted territory with this one.
Jones: I can’t argue that.
~Easton drops to one knee and grabs Sadie by the hair...he pummels her in the head with several forearms before rising, bringing her to her feet. He hits the ropes, he comes off and he SMASHES Sadie in the face with a big boot!! But Sadie doesn’t go down...she staggers back into the ropes, ricocheting off and staggering toward Easton. Easton BASHES her in the head with a forearm. He hits her again and again and again before he spins around and comes forward with a Roaring Forearm...BUT SADIE CATCHES HIS ARM~
Jones: OH SHIT
Hood: He be fucked
Jones: All that offense dished out and she just stonewalls him. Incredible.
~Sadie bends Easton’s arm...he yells in pain. She tosses it aside and wraps her hands around his neck, chocking him. She picks him up...he looks down at that piercing, hideous eye. He swats at it, throwing a palm strike in her face. She drops him. He moves toward her...she lunges forward with a throat thrust!! He stumbles back. She rakes him across the eyes...he falters back into a corner. Sadie grabs his arm and she whips him across the ring...he runs faster than we’ve ever seen him run, his chest EXPLODING against the buckles. He stumbles back, appearing to be in serious pain. Sadie paces around him, suddenly facing his front...she pulls him in and quickly flips him over with a snap suplex into the corner!!! Easton’s body slams into the buckles...his body crashing onto the mat where he winds up laying, on his side. Sadie sits up...her head slowly turns, pointing her gaze into the hard camera~
Jones: AH!
Hood: Relax, if she comes over here, she’ll head for you first.
Jones: How is that supposed to make me relax?
Hood: Because, it’ll give me time to get away!
~Sadie’s body glitches and she’s suddenly standing. In a flash, she’s looking down at Easton. He pulls him off the mat and scoops him up with ease, SLAMMING him into the mat. Sadie drops to the mat and spider walks into the corner...she climbs up the buckles like a giant fuckin spider and reaches the top buckle, looking down at Easton. She awkwardly stands upright and slowly marches across the top rope, it doesn’t even bend under her weight. She then leaps off with a knee drop onto Easton!!!! She rises back to her feet in a flash~
Jones: We’re seeing more wrestling moves out of Sadie than we’re used to seeing.
Hood: I think she’s going for the ‘Technician’ award.
Jones: We don’t have that one, Hood.
Hood: Oh sure we do, it’s under HEEL OF THE MONTH
Jones: You may find technicians boring but I love them.
~Easton grimaces and groans on the mat, in clear, audible pain. He rolls onto his side, holding his head. Sadie watches him. She’s allowing him the opportunity to reach his feet. Easton struggles...he gets to one knee...he tries to stand, but he falls back down to one knee. Finally, he reaches his feet and looks right at Sadie. Suddenly, Sadie hits the mat and begins crawling like a spider...she’s moving so fast we can’t keep up...she goes between Easton’s legs, around him, across him...Easton stumbles, trying to keep track. Finally, she rises behind Alexander...she hooks him around the waist and tosses him over with a German Suplex~
Jones: Easton’s hanging in there but I think Sadie is just too much. How can anybody get good enough to fight a ghost?
Hood: There’s only one Bill Murray, Jones. And it ain’t Easton Alexander.
~Easton lands on his feet!!! He hits the ropes and hits Sadie in the back of the head with a Big Boot!!! Sadie spins around, Easton kicks her in the gut, brings her in, hoists her up and drops her with a Falcon Arrow!!! He goes for the pin, but Sadie immediately glitches to her feet. Easton crab walks into a corner, trying to create some distance. Sadie stalks him~
Jones: Easton with a furious effort to get back in this one only for Sadie to, well, no sell everything!
Hood: I mean, can you really hurt a ghost? Like, seriously?
Jones: It’s looking like you can’t.
~She hovers over him...Easton kicks his legs out, it appears he might be losing hope. She glitches and is suddenly right in his face, staring him down. He stops wiggling and stares right back at her, uncertainty in his eyes. Her hands slowly rise up and reach for his mouth~
Jones: Fight it off, Easton! Don’t give in!
Hood: You think Sadie’s mad because Easton got a home loan for punching her?
Jones: I’m not sure Sadie is really concerned with things like home lending, Hood.
~Easton yells out and flails his arms, trying to do whatever he can to get her off him. She suddenly vanishes. Easton looks around, confused. He staggers to his feet, stumbling around. “Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?” he yells. He pauses...she slowly rises behind him. His eyes widen. She reaches for his head but he spins around!!! He grabs her from behind and hoists her up onto his shoulders~
Jones: Cursed Night! He’s going for Cursed Night!
Hood: He may pull this out after all!
~Easton has her up on his shoulders. He starts to spin around but she glitches off his shoulders and takes him from behind, looking to apply an abdominal stretch!!! Easton tenses up...he doesn’t know what to do, she’s slowly beginning to apply it. He suddenly jumps backwards, landing on top of Sadie!!! He lifts his legs up and rolls backward, on top of Sadie, her shoulders on the mat. Scruff slides in~
1!
2!
…
3!!!!!!!
~The crowd goes wild. Scruff calls for the bell~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…EASTON ALEXANDER!!!!!
Jones: He did it! Easton did it!
Hood: Fuckin unreal!
~Easton pops to his feet. He can’t believe it. His eyes are wide...he stumbles around. He looks for Sadie, but she’s gone. The fans are going wild...he’s not the biggest fan favorite, but nobody likes to see a guy lose EVERY FUCKING MATCH. What a shock!! What an upset!! Easton slaps Scruff on the back so hard it nearly sends him to the mat...he’s in a GREAT mood~
Jones: So happy for Easton. He’s worked so hard for this.
Hood: Dude, he just beat a wrestler many people think is a future OCW Champion. What does that say about him?
Jones: That he’s got a shot to get to the top, no doubt.
~The crowd suddenly quiets. Easton looks around, confused. He turns and Sadie comes flying off the top rope, crashing into Easton!!! He hits the mat HARD and rolls out of the ring. Scruff looks on like ‘whoa!’ Sadie suddenly glitches to her feet and is right on top of Scruff. OCW’s veteran ref backs into a corner with Sadie towering over him~
Jones: I don’t know what’s going on in there but it looks like Sadie might have her sights set on Scruff.
Hood: Gee, what an amazing observation.
~It’s a terrible looking scenario until...the crowd pops!! We cut to the entrance and see the OCW Craze Champion Tamika Strader sprinting to the ring with her Craze Title. She slides in!! The crowd is HOT! Sadie’s back is to Tamika...Tamika charges at Sadie with the belt, to save Scruff...but Sadie suddenly moves and vanishes!!! Tamika BLASTS Scruff in the face with the belt! He collapses to the mat, unconscious!! Tamika looks down, shocked...she quickly looks around, trying to locate Sadie...but Sadie is gone~
Jones: Tamika came down with great intentions but...well, they backfired.
Hood: Dude, she just laid out our head ref. The guy that’s PROBABLY going to officiate her match at Big Game Hunting.
Jones: It wasn’t on purpose. It was an accident! Sadie glitched or whatever you wanna call it, out of the ring!
Hood: Straders are gonna have to pay that dude to get him right. He’s got legit beef on his hands.
~Tamika drops to one knee, checking on Scruff...medics hit the ring to help out. Sadie’s gone. Easton slowly returns to his feet, he looks in the ring at the commotion and wonders, for a moment, what the fuck just happened. He then remembers that he won and he throws his arms in the air~
Jones: Tamika has laid out Scruff with an inadvertent belt shot! Sadie has vanished. And, above all else, Easton Alexander has earned his FIRST legit win in OCW.
Hood: Fuckin wild, man. What does this do for Easton? A win over Sadie has to be about the biggest win anybody could secure right now.
Jones: I’d imagine he’ll be rewarded, probably at Big Game Hunting. Meanwhile, Tamika and Sadie Ko have another layer added to their match which takes place in three weeks..
Hood: Tamika might be upset over what she did to Scruff but you know she’s a little relieved to see Sadie Ko lose. It shows that the ghost woman is, ya know, vulnerable.
Jones: That it does.
~ The camera fades in and you see CJ O’Donnell, Alice Knight and Alexandra Calaway standing in the hallway. It seems as if they are a very intense meeting. Alexandra is still sweaty and nursing some of her bruises and pains from her match earlier. It’s clear she’s not in the best of moods, given the result of her match...but conversing with CJ and Alice has definitely distracted her from the doldrums of defeat~
CJ O’Donnell: Listen I don’t give a flying FOOK about anyone else but us right here right now. You will either be with us or against us. If someone wants to be an ally of us they are going to have to prove it. We are not here to babysit. We are here to kick people's faces. Make them bleed. Let them suffer. Make them beg for mercy. Hell they can piss in their pants if they want. We are what the OCW needs right now. We don’t know who Welsh called with that golden phone. We don’t know what is coming. For all we know an invasion might be on the horizon.
~Alice and Alexandra look at one another as CJ takes a quick breath before continuing..~
CJ O’Donnell: Tonight a pact is made. We will watch each other’s backs at all times. If someone has a match we show them support. We make sure no funny business occurs. We are strong individuals but together we are unstoppable. No one will dare to FOOK with us.
~Alexandra chuckles crossing her arms over her chest. Given what happened to her earlier, this pact definitely sounds like a good idea~
Alexandra Calaway: Look, don’t worry about it. Anyone who messes with us has it coming to them. If they aren’t with us.. They are against us. I’ve got both of your backs, just as I know you’ve got mine. What happens out there in the ring, we’ve got each other.
~She looks between him and Alice, waiting to see what CJ or his Queen might say. Alice takes a second to pull out her bottle of peach schnapps from her skirt and makes them all a quick drink with plastic cups.. Also pulled out from her skirt(?). She hands one to CJ and one to Alexandra.~
Alice Knight: I love it. I freakin’ love this! You have no idea. We got each other. No stopping us now… and of course every good group of loyal friends needs a name… and from now on. We shall now be known as… THE MUSTARD FACTORY PART 2… Electric Boogaloo! YES!
~CJ and Alexandra look at overly excited Alice. She looks back at them like ‘what?’~
Alice Knight: Well… I am open to other suggestions…
CJ O’Donnell: That's gonna be a hard no from me. Mustard Factory Part 2 … Electric Boogaloo has a nice ring to it but it doesn’t fit our style … it doesn’t fit our demeanor … it isn’t who we are … What about The Par-...
Alice Knight: The Pears I WILL NOT BE CALLED A PEAR! Sorry babe, i cut you off… but you know me and pears never got along. Alexandra… trust me. Pears and I… doesn’t work… nope. Don’t like it…
CJ O’Donnell: What do you have against Pears anyway? Nevermind … don’t answer that … What about The Para-
Alexandra Calaway: PARAMOUNT!!!
Alice Knight: The… PARAMOUNT! She beat me to it…
~CJ and Alexandra roll their eyes. Alice gently nudges them both with her elbow to silence them. However Alexandra just rolls her eyes again and looks over at them.~
Alexandra Calaway: THE PARAMOUNT. A group of people who are far above the rest. You see.. OCW doesn’t need Heroes.. It needs to be ruled. The time for Heroes has passed.. This is a new time.. And in this time, rulers are needed, and that’s exactly what we are. We set the tone.. The pace.. And it’s us who’s hands will be raised in victory. What we are building here.. This.. group.. This family.. Is stronger than anything else out there. You with me?
~Alexandra extends her hand to them and Alice takes her hand, CJ placing his on to top of theirs and the group nods in unison.~
TMZ (c) (1-0) vs. TMZ (0-0)
~The crowd is READY. They are hyped for some championship action! “Enter Sandman” by Metallica hits and from the back emerges ZEUS!!! Zeus is riding high after his victory...I mean, look, he’s got an entrance! Behind him walks ANOTHER ZEUS! I’ll be...they pulled it off, two Zeus’!!! The other Zeus is wearing a Zeus mask and the exact same attire as the king of the gods. They reach the ring and slide in under the bottom rope. Zeus helps Zeus 2 to his feet and they walk around the ring, talking shit, motioning around their waists~
Jones: We saw Zeus get kicked earlier in the night by the Dravers. I’m told it was, in fact, Zeus 2 and the mask absorbed most of the damage.
Hood: Damn, Zeus’ luck continues!
Jones: This could be his lucky night.
Hood: Normally I’d say you need to be fired for saying such a ridiculous thing. But, Zybala is one half of the tag champs so, it could happen.
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a Tag Team Match and it is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Mount Olympus...Zeus and Zeus...TOO MUCH ZEUS!!!
~Zeus looks into the camera and says, “THERE CAN NEVER BE TOO MUCH ZEUS, BABY!” He high fives Zeus 2~
Belvedere: And, their opponents…
~“Perfect Strangers” by Deep Purple hits! Zybala is carrying both titles...he’s talking to them as if they were alive and had human personalities. TLS marches behind him, showing his usual amount of emotion – practically zero. Although, if I were a betting man, I’d wager he’s giving Zybala that ‘wtf’ look. They reach the ring and TLS walks up the steps and splits the ropes open. Zybala enters and spins around, displaying both titles. Zeus and Zeus 2 look on, ready to claim the gold~
Belvedere: At a combined height of 9’9 and a total combined weight of 410lbs...they are the OCW Tag Team Champions...The Lost Stranger and Mike Zybala...TMZ!!!!
~Belvedere exits, taking both belts with him. It’s tough for Zybala to part with them, but at the urging of TLS, he finally does. He blows them each a kiss, promising they won’t be separated for long. TLS takes the apron...there’s no way Zybala isn’t starting in his first ever defense as an OCW champion. TLS reaches into his pocket and he pulls out PANDORA’S BOX. He sets it down in their corner~
Jones: I think we should remind everyone that Zeus is a former OCW Tag Team Champion. He won the titles alongside his partner, Hades against the Soul Reavers. They would hold the titles nearly three months before losing them to OCW Hall of Famer Curt Canon and his tag partner, James Vorex.
Hood: Not all history is great history.
Jones: It is history, nonetheless.
~Zybala stares at the tag titles as they are placed on the timekeeper’s table by Belvedere. Zybala reaches his arms out, stumbling toward the ropes, finding the separation anxiety to be more than he can bear. TLS buries his face in his hands. Zeus sees opportunity. Can lightning strike twice in as many weeks? Zeus runs up and he rolls Zybala up!!! Puff dives in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!
NOOOOO
Jones: WHOA
Hood: Holy shit, Zybala damn near proved everybody right and lost his first title SECONDS into his first defense.
Jones: Pay attention, Mike! Those titles will be fine!
~Zybala kicks out JUST in time. He looks at Puff, scared to death he just lost his babies. Puff pats Zybala on the shoulder and says ‘Only two, friend. Only two.’ Zybala sighs. Zeus comes running in, smacking him with an enziguri!!! Zybala falls to the mat, holding the side of his head. Zeus stands, hands on hips and he looks to the sky, “HA HA HA HA!” he cackles~
Jones: This isn’t going well for TMZ...ya know, the REAL TMZ.
Hood: Excuse me? Too Much Zeus is a very real team.
Jones: I want to know who that other Zeus is.
Hood: It’s Zeus 2. Says it right here on my lineup card.
~Zeus ceases his laughing and he stomps on Zybala, keeping the OCW Tag Champion down. Zeus yells, “C’MON YA PLEB! YOU MERE MORTAL! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD COMPETE WITH THE KING OF THE GODS?!” He stomps on Zybala a few more times. TLS, drops off the apron and reaches out to Pandora’s Box. He opens it up~
Jones: WHAT IS THAT?
Hood: OMG! This is why you never open PANDORA’S BOX
Jones: My ears! Are they bleeding?
Hood: Not that I can see...what about mine?
~Everybody cringes at the music...except for Zeus and Zeus 2. Zeus nods his head and he starts to dance to the beat. He hops around and flairs his arms...he does some version of the moonwalk before bobbing his head and grabbing his crotch. Zeus 2 enters the ring and mimics his action...both of the Zeus’ are in full-on cringe dance mode~
Jones: MAKE IT STOP
Hood: The dancing is worse than the singing...HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
Jones: We need to send a dance instructor to Mount Olympus
Hood: All those gods and goddesses with powers and not one of them knows how to teach dance...EMBARRASSING
~Zybala recovers from his beating. He hears the music from Pandora’s Box and covers his ears. TLS points into the ring. Zybala sees both Zeus’ dancing. He suddenly kips up and delivers a SUPERKICK TO ZEUS!!! Zeus falls to the mat. Zybala then throws another SUPERKICK right into the face of Zeus 2!!!! Zeus 2’s mask flies off revealing...revealing...revealing...~
Jones: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
Hood: Haha, it’s only Hades wearing a Zeus mask.
Jones: Classic OCW
Hood: BABY!
~Both Zeus’ are down. Zybala turns to TLS and yells, ‘TURN IT OFF! SHUT THE BOX, HURRY!’ TLS shuts the box. Zybala dives on top of Zeus...Puff slides in with the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here are your winners...AND STILL OCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...TMZ!!!!!
Jones: Zybala did it! He defended his title!
Hood: Hey, TLS helped. He opened that Pandora’s Box from HELL
Jones: A new secret weapon for TMZ?
Hood: I hope not. Let’s destroy that evil device.
~Puff returns with the belts. Zybala dives at Puff and grabs both belts, hugging and kissing them on the mat. TLS enters the ring and kneels beside him, trying to get Zybala to compose himself~
Jones: Zybala is beside himself!
Hood: No, that’s TLS.
Jones: You know what I mean...figure of speech!
~TLS helps Zybala up and he holds his partner’s arm in the air as Zybala fights back tears~
Jones: You gotta love the emotion!
Hood: Geezus. YOU GUYS JUST BEAT ZEUS...FUCKIN RELAX.
Jones: Hey, he’s happy. Leave him alone.
~A loud voice suddenly interrupts the joyous celebration. Zybala and TLS turn toward the stage to find Cap Slock~
Cap Slock: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR TAG TITLE DEFENSE, TMZ. YOU TWO HAVE TRULY PROVEN THAT YOU ARE THE BEST TEAM IN OCW AND, ARGUABLY, THE BEST COMBINATION OF SINGLES WRESTLERS IN COMPANY HISTORY.
Jones: Complimentary words from OCW’s Captain.
Hood: Seems kinda premature to say all that. I mean, we had Aptitude. We had the eMpire. But, sure, let’s just go ahead and say TLS and Zybala are the two best singles competitors in OCW history to form a team.
Cap Slock: OUR FEARLESS LEADER MACUS WELSH SAID HE’D REWARD YOU TWO IF YOU IMPRESSED HIM TONIGHT AND, WELL, I’D SAY HE’S PRETTY IMPRESSED BY WHAT HE’S JUST WITNESSED. SO I HAVE A WRITTEN ORDER FROM MR WELSH THAT WAS HANDED TO ME LAST WEEK FOR THIS MOMENT.
~The crowd is intrigued. Zybala and TLS look at each other and nod...Zybala wipes some tears away. They’re getting ready to discover their fate~
Jones: I think we’re about to find out who TMZ will face at Big Game Hunting!
Hood: Will it be The Cowgirls From Hell? FINALLY?
Jones: Or could it be the Dravers?
Hood: Shit, knowing this place, it might be BAM fucking G.
Jones: And let’s not forget the former champions. A rematch could be in the cards.
Cap Slock: AHEM. AS A RESULT OF YOUR TREMENDOUS IN RING SUCCESS AS A TEAM, MARCUS WELSH HAS DECIDED THAT, AS A REWARD, YOU TWO SHALL BE PLACED IN ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT MATCHES AT BIG GAME HUNTING.
~Zybala smiles and slaps TLS on the back, excited that their hard work is paying off~
Cap Slock: AT BIG GAME HUNTING...MIKE ZYBALA WILL FACE THE LOST STRANGER FOR A SHOT AT THE OCW TITLE!
~The crowd gasps. Zybala’s expression drops. His eyes widen. TLS shakes his head~
Jones: Oh my gosh! A team for less than a month and OCW is already forcing them to face one another!
Hood: Haha, so fuckin cruel. I love it!
Jones: I mean, they are two of the top contenders in the promotion so, from a standings perspective it makes sense but...still...it seems mean spirited.
Hood: Hey, relax. If these two can battle it out for an OCW Title shot and remain teammates after...think how strong they’ll be.
Jones: I guess.
~The good captain bids them adieu, exiting back to the locker room. Zybala looks over at TLS. TLS reaches out and grabs his title from Zybala, throwing it over his shoulder. The partners keep an eye on each other as we slowly cut back to Jones and Hood~
Jones: It’s official. Mike Zybala and The Lost Stranger will face EACH OTHER at Big Game Hunting for an OCW Title shot.
Hood: Haha, that’s wild. Fuckin love it. I guess there’s no tag title match, then?
Jones: I’d imagine not. Our champions are going to have to give everything they’ve got to earn an OCW Title shot.
Hood: Works for me!
~”Nasty Letter’ by Otis Talor quietly plays in the background. We see shots of Alice’s party room with a dead donkey laying on the carpet next to a vomit pile of fruit. In slow motion.
Alice Knight: Tonight was weird to say the very least. I got my second OCW title reign. But not how I hoped. Being screwed by the Uber Man is never fun. Um, mentally. Not physically. Never physically. Eww. But he got what he had coming. As for me? And me upping Bifford in every way possible… or say even the current OCW ‘Champion’… Plethora. Number one contender BRIM. Or the eventual rematch clause for Outcast. Not to mention the amazing future talent OCW has that stands in my way? But it isn’t only about me anymore…Or The Distinguished King of OCW CJ O’Donnell. Or the rising DARK QUEEN of the wrestling World.. It’s not about my eventual second reign as OCW Champion. The REAL OCW belt. Not this stanky piece of shit I’m wearing right now. This more than OWL is NIGHT! More than my HOOTers. More than Owls, dead cats, ants, mustard and of course my hatred of pears. This is about The Paramount you bitches. OCW is a Kingdom that needs to be ruled. By The Paramount… We are the future. You’ve been warned… and…
~Cuts to a shot of the cameraman and crew,~
Director: And that's a wrap! But we made it to 15 ‘segments gang! Good work everybody. Alice, tremendous work beating the Biffords record. You rock!
~A stage hand walks to Alice handing her a bottle of water and sunglasses.~
Alice Knight: Hi… I am Alice Knight. HOOT! HOOT! Tonight you saw some inappropriate material by your heroes. From drinking liquor, to sexual and foul language. To even some torture and smoking of the mariguana. Do I condone all of these things? Sure. A little bit. But I do it safely. So do us in The Paramount. Don;t drink and drive, don’t bully and torture old lovers and of course if you plan to smoke heavy doobies? Be prepared… prepared to have a lot of laughs with friends.15 SEGMENTS, BITCHES! SUCK IT BIFF’!!!
Fades with a transition to the African Villagers eating McDonald Happy Meals together in a hut.
Fade-transition to Uber Man and Tony the Spider being reunited in a medical room as they hug in slow motion.
Fade transition to the empty car garage where the giant camal spiders are crawling all over the Gorilla poop.
Fade transition of a shot of Renee McRae is wearing Alice’s party dress as BatBear chews on bamboo.
Fade-Transition to the boiler room where the chair and tape lay on the ground.
Fade-transition to an empty bottle of Peach Schnapps and three empty glasses laying in the dark hallway.
Finally the fades to a black room where from the darkness Alice Knight appears. She looks directly into the camera. She is also wearing the old rusted OCW Championship. Alice speaks~
~Alice punches the air in enjoyment. She sits still for a few seconds pretending to freeze frame as the old ‘THE MORE YOU KNOW’ logo appears.~
Jones: You okay, Hood?
Hood: Fifteen segments. I should be dead. That should have killed me. In fact, I wish it would have. This life is worse than any death...even being eaten alive by puppies!
Jones: Well, relax. We've got one more commercial break.
Hood: NO!
Jones: RELAX, I'm told it's an all new commercial.
Hood: Oh, thank goodness. Whew.
~We are in Veronica Strader’s locker room, and she is finishing getting ready putting on her elbow pads, followed by her fingers purple leather gloves and tightens them. Her locker room door opens up suddenly as CARA STRADER comes through the door.~
Cara: Sup, bitch?
~Veronica looks annoyed, yet relieved at the same time.~
Veronica: Where the hell have you been? You had me and Auntie Tee worried! I filled in for you at ringside in her match.
~Cara scoffs.~
Cara: Yeah, and you threw me off a fucking building.
Veronica: I told you that–
Cara: Yeah, yeah, under the influence of “Valerie”.
~Cara rolls her eyes.~
Cara: I went looking for weed, which let me tell, bad fucking idea to be a woman looking for dope in this place.
Veronica: We flew in on the family jet, no TSA, why didn’t you just bring any with you? You get stoned and forget to pack it.
~Cara goes to answer, index finger pointed out but stops her, withdrawing her finger, and doesn’t say anything as she nods.~
Veronica: Well, at least you are ok. Where’s mom?
~Cara cocks her head.~
Cara: What do you mean? She isn’t here?
Veronica: No, she isn’t. I gotta go smack around that hacker bitch, after let’s go find Auntie Tee and we’ll go find mom.
Cara: She’s a grown woman, I’m sure she’s fine. But yeah, ok. I’m gonna go find Auntie Tee.
~Veronica grabs her championship belt, throws it over her shoulder and walks by out the door but she says something to her without looking back at Cara.~
Veronica: Don’t get stoned and forget to find Auntie Tee.
~Cara flips her off as we move to ringside.~
Jones: Happy to see those two talking again.
Hood: I mean, it’d be hard for me to forgive someone for THROWING ME OFF A BUILDING but they are blood.
Jones: The Straders are a tight unit. Sure, they can get a little dysfuntional at times, but that’s just part of what makes them who they are.
Hood: That and Cara probably sees Veronica turning into a huge fucking star and wants to hop on that wagon.
Jones: I doubt that has anything to do with it!
Hood: Haha, spoken like a man who has no family.
Jones: Whatever...anyway, as Hood said...Veronica is a star. Legit. She’s as over and as talented and as popular as any wreslter in the business today. She’s unbeaten. Her list of victories don’t feature a bunch of enhancement talent, either. Dylan Thomas. The Lost Stranger. Kelson Hewitt. Supreme Machine, just to name a few. Tonight, she looks to add another name to her list – CYPH3R.
Hood: CYPH3R’s an interesting dude. He’s 2-2. He looked like he was gonna be another jobber and then, out of nowhere, the light came on.
Jones: He’s turned his focus to OCW and the talent that earned him a contract is shining through. This is no slight against CYPH3R, I’m sure he’d agree...but on paper, this is the easiest ‘real’ opponent Veronica has had during her run. But, there’s something about this match that makes me feel like it might be the most difficult.
Hood: Winning streaks are a blessing and a curse. You go from “Wow, I’m doing really good” to “My streak...I don’t want to lose my streak.” The pressure builds.
Jones: Yep, it takes on a life of its own. Plus, it’d be hard for Veronica, a main event player, to NOT overlook someone like CYPH3R. From an outsider’s perspective, this match looks like a no-brainer. A layup for the champion as she stays sharp before her title defense against Dangerous Dan.
Hood: Man, what if...and it’s a big what if...but what if CYPH3R does win...what does that do for him?
Jones: I’d imagine he’d get a TransAtlantic Title shot, at the VERY least. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. To earn that, he’d have to do something nobody in OCW has done...he’d have to defeat Veronica Strader.
Hood: Truth.
Jones: It’s the leader of the Proud and Strong movement. It’s the professional hacker. It’s champion versus rising star. It’s Veronica Strader taking on CYPH3R and it’s next!
Non-Title Match
Veronica Strader (c) (14-0) vs. CYPH3R (2-2)
~The night sky is lit up by artificial illumination. Man made tech created for moments like this. A Monday Night Massacre main event that is sure to show the pro wrestling world how this sport, this industry is done, correctly. Fans are placing last minute wagers on this contest. Veronica Strader is the heavy favorite but it seems as though a late surge of CYPH3R money is pouring in. Belvedere clears his throat to a huge ovation~
Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for our Main Event of the Evening!! The following contest is a non-title match and it is scheduled for one fall!!!! Introducing first…
~"Fortune Days" by the Glitch Mob begins to play! OCW’s #1 hacker appears from backstage, making his way to the ring. A few fans yell out “I GOT THIRTY BUCKS ON YOU, YOU BETTER NOT FUCK THIS UP!” CYPHER looks at the guy like “It’s just thirty bucks, relax.” As he pauses, from behind approaches Alexandra Calaway. CYPH3R turns and puts his arm around her as they make their way to the ring. The neckbeards in the crowd all groan with disappointment. He reaches the ring...he parts with Alexandra, as she stays outside. He slides in~
Belvedere: Being accompanied to the ring by Alexandra Calaway. From Adelaide, ‘Australia’...standing 5’9 and weighing in at 120lbs...he was the quickest person to ever be fired from Murderhaus…
~HUGE OVATION~
Belvedere: He is OCW’s #1 hacker and the man who makes love with his hood ON….he is...CYPH3R!!!!
~CYPH3R looks out the ring at a few chubby girls in the front row. They flash a ‘lets fuck’ look his way. He takes his hood off. They frown with disappointment. Calaway walks over and stares at the whory fans...they avoid her gaze~
Jones: CYPHER back in action for the second consecutive week!
Hood: Two weeks in a row? This guy is on fire!
Jones: Last week he took it to Brett Daniels. And when I say that, I mean it...he brawled with The Cowboy and he, well, he beat him pretty easily.
Hood: He’s a computer nerd, sure. But he’s the type of computer nerd that’ll smack you around. Didn’t know those guys existed, to be honest.
Belvedere: And, his opponent…
~~ The OCWTron goes blank and the lights drop in the arena. There’s a confusion amongst the OCW Faitful as “Resist and Disorder” by REZODRONE begins to play. The lights begin to flicker purple, pink and silver when the beat gets harder. ~
//I am the man who holds the keys
~ As the drums pick up the name Veronica Strader starts to flash in pink and purple, with shots of her holding up the TransAtlantic title in the large font getting a definite reaction from the crowd. ~
Belvedere: Weighing in at One Hundred and Forty-Five pounds…
//Weight of the world, the price of a fighter
~Vee steps out on stage, walking to the edge of the stage to the right looking out at the OCW Faithful, half booing but half cheering. She walks to the other side doing the same thing before returning to the centre where the ramp begins.~
Belvedere: Hailing from Key West, Florida by way of London, Ontario Canada…
~The TransAtlantic Champion begins her descent towards the ring, her championship grasped in her left hand.~
//Nowhere to run, it's all undone
~She does a quick step up the steel steps and wipes her boots on the apron before stepping through the second and top rope like a normal human being.~
Belvedere: SHE IS THE OCW TRANS-ATLANTIC CHAMPION…
~Strader stands centre of the ring, holding her championship high!~
Belvedere: VERONICA STRADERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~She sneers as she hands her championship to the referee...who happens to be Gruff~
Jones: The TransAtlantic Champion in the house! Undefeated! Proud and Strong!
Hood: She’s one of the main reasons we’re doing as well as we are today. Can’t state enough how critical she’s been to OCW this year.
Jones: This will be the first time she’s competed without Marcus Welsh watching...whether it be at ringside or on a monitor.
Hood: Dude, he’s on Knife Man’s couch. You act like he fuckin died.
Jones: His absence has been felt, tremendously.
~Gruff hands the belt over to Belvedere, who takes it to the timekeeper’s table. Gruff then motions for the bell...it sounds and we’re underway! Strader slowly makes her way toward the center of the ring. CYPHER isn’t shy about greeting her. She sizes him up and smirks. The fans are cheering, excited and intrigued. Strader mocks him about the coconuts. CYPHER glares at her~
Jones: The TransAtlantic Champion getting a little mouthy with CYPHER.
Hood: That’s what people are calling it these days, eh? Getting ‘mouthy’?
Jones: You know what I meant.
~A very confident, very undefeated Strader offers CYPHER her chin, asking him to hit her...saying it looks like he wants to. So, CYPHER delivers a forearm strike. Strader stumbles back, it’s clear CYPHER packs more of a punch than she expected. She fires off with one of her own. CYPHER immediately retaliates. Strader stumbles into the ropes. She holds her chin and looks up at CYPHER, pissed. She hurries forward and delivers three consecutive forearm strikes into his head while shoving him into the ropes...she whips him off...he reverses. Strader hits the ropes...CYPHER throws a knife edged chop. Strader ducks...she runs into the ropes, she jumps up and springboards off the middle rope with a reverse cross body...but CYPHER jumps up and drops her with a double knee facebuster!!! Strader’s body flies backward, through the ropes, tumbling outside. CYPHER rises to one knee with the fans looking on, surprised by his offense~
Jones: And the first big ‘win’ in this match goes to CYPHER.
Hood: Yea, I’m telling you right now...Veronica Strader had better wake up and take this dude seriously or she’s gonna get handed a big, spooky L.
Jones: Many, many people within OCW think CYPHER is main event caliber.
~Veronica scurries toward the barricade, holding her face. She pulls herself up and looks into the ring. She’s stunned, but far from out. CYPHER watches her from inside. Strader starts to realize this dude came to fight. She takes a few moments. Alexandra sneaks around the corner, like a predator getting ready to pounce...Gruff yells out, ‘AY!’ Calaway backs off, not wanting to risk a DQ. Strader paces, rubbing her face, working her jaw back and forth, wiggling her nose. CYPHER pushes Gruff and is like ‘fuck this’...he steps through the ropes. Strader goes after him! But CYPHER fakes her out, stays in the ring and dives under the bottom rope, smashing Strader with both his feet!! She stumbles back into the barricade...he moves forward with a chop! It slices through Veronica’s chest!! The fans at ringside all lean back and wince. CYPHER chops her again! The second chop sounds worse than the first. Calaway cheers him on from closeby~
Jones: It takes brains to be a professional hacker and CYPHER is showing that he’s got the mind to match the best in this business.
Hood: I guess, I mean he got owned in that virginthon earlier this week.
Jones: HACKathon...and they are very competitive. And he didn’t get owned, he was cheated.
Hood: Sure, right, whatever
~CYPHER whips Veronica toward the ring...her back SLAMS into the edge of the apron. CYPHER marches toward her and he delivers another blood curdling chop across her chest. She rolls up onto the apron and into the ring. CYPHER hops onto the apron. Veronica fights to her feet. CYPHER leaps onto the top rope and he springboards off, nailing Veronica with a dropkick!! Her body flies into a corner, slamming into the buckles. She falls to the mat, seated up against the bottom buckle. CYPHER pops back to his feet, in total control~
Jones: It’s been all CYPHER since the bell rang. He’s looking like a premier star.
Hood: True, but Strader has been in dire situations against TLS, Supreme Machine, Kelson Hewitt, and Dylan Thomas. You gotta pretty much kill this woman if you want to beat her...and, by the looks of things, she ain’t dead.
Jones: This isn’t Murderhaus, Hood.
Hood: Well, duh, Cypher’s still here.
~CYPHER charges at Veronica with Download Complete (Kinshasa)!!!! But Vee moves!!! CYPHER’s leg whiffs...he spins around, Veronica crawls away and hurries to her feet. CYPHER lunges at her with Boom, Headshot! (Superkick)!!! But Veronica ducks. CYPHER stumbles past her. She turns to face him and he throws Toxic Kick (Black Mass)!!! Once again, Strader avoids the kick by ducking. CYPHER’s momentum puts his back facing Strader, she throws a kick between his legs...LOW BLOW! Gruff misses it. CYPHER bends his knees, wincing. Strader strikes from behind with Welcome to Riverdale (Superkick to the back of the head)!!! CYPHER stumbles into the ropes, draped over the middle rope~
Jones: So fast paced...all those match ending kicks avoided by Strader only for the TransAtlantic Champion to land a kick of her own.
Hood: It’s official. Question answered.
Jones: What?
Hood: CYPH3R has nuts.
~Strader hurries forward and pulls on the middle rope a bit, choking CYPHER. Gruff issues a five count, Strader breaks it right before five. She grabs CYPHER and yanks him back into the ring. She boots him in the gut...kinda low, but probably legal. She hooks him by the head for a DDT...but CYPHER blocks it. CYPHER tries to turn it into a Northern Lights Suplex...he hoists Strader up...she kicks her legs, swings back down and plants CYPHER with a DDT!!! CYPHER is down...Strader sits up, feeling the energy of the momentum shift~
Jones: CYPHER tried to prevent Veronica from furthering her momentum but he was unable.
Hood: To be fair, she did kick him in the balls earlier.
Jones: Yea, there was that.
Hood: And Gruff is too old and, or lazy to notice.
Jones: For those of you tuning in, Scruff is out due to a belt shot from Tamika.
Hood: HmmmMMMMMMmmmm
~Strader crawls over to CYPHER, flipping him over. She hits him several times with well measured, placed strikes. CYPHER’s down. Strader returns to her feet...she stands over CYPHER...she jumps up and drops and elbow deep into his chest!! CYPHER clutches his chest, curling up. Veronica is back on her feet...she hits the ropes, runs forward and punts CYPHER in the back! A loud THUD! CYPHER rolls onto the apron, remaining down~
Jones: Veronica Strader going to work on CYPHER now. The greats know how to take advantage of momentum.
Hood: Yea, she’s not just winning the match, she’s weakening CYPHER, making it damn near impossible for him to win this match later.
Jones: Increasing her advantage.
~Veronica heads CYPHER’s way. She pulls him up with the ropes between them. Veronica drills a knee into CYPHER’s ribs. She hooks him for a suplex back into the ring...but CYPHER blocks it! CYPHER hoists Strader up!! He gets her vertical! The fans gasp...it’s a terrible fall all the way down...Veronica delivers a sharp knee downward into CYPHER’s head!! He loses his base...she drops back to the mat, on her feet...she then snaps CYPHER over the top rope and into the ring with a suplex!! CYPHER hits hard, arching his back in pain. Veronica pops back to her feet, feeling that sense of urgency once again. She pulls CYPHER up and whips him into a corner...he hits hard. She charges in and smashes him in the face with a foearm. She hops onto the middle rope and punches CYPHER in the head multiple times, so fast the fans can’t keep count. She then falls backward and tosses CYPHER over and onto the mat with a monkey flip! Strader kips up and sees CYPHER sitting up, albeit in pain. She runs forward and boots him in the back of the head! CYPHER tumbles forward before slowly crawling into a corner~
Jones: The TransAtlantic Champion is dominating right now.
Hood: Un-un-un-undefeated!
Jones: Ah, yes, the entrance to a former undefeated OCW phenom, Mike Best
Hood: Just saying.
~CYPHER reaches for the buckles to pull himself up, but Veronica snares him by his hair and spins him around. She throws a kick to the side of his head, sending him careening into the buckles, holding his head, his brain swimming. Strader measures him up before rushing forward with A LIKE SUPREME (superkick)!!! She hits it!!! CYPHER falls forward, Strader grabs him and takes him over with a small package...Gruff stumbles to the mat~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!
Jones: CYPHER kicked out! He’s still in this match but his head has got to be messed up.
Hood: Yea, if Veronica keeps kicking him in the head then he won’t be able to input the secret code to face Mike Tyson on Punch Out, let alone hacking into government systems.
Jones: There was a secret code to go straight to Tyson?
Hood: Lol yes, ya fuckin idiot.
Jones: Man…
~CYPHER tries to get back to his feet, but Strader instantly grabs him in a side headlock. Still, the The Superior Design shows some fighting spirit, or belligerence, who cares...he gets to his feet and throws a few elbows into Strader’s gut. She loses her grip. He hits the ropes...Strader spins around with a Roundhouse Kick...but CYPHER catches her and throws her over with a Capture Suplex!!! Strader is down! CYPHER is down! The fans are on their feet, eager to see what happens next. Alexandra slaps the mat, cheering CYPH3R on~
Jones: CYPHER with a huge counter that gets him back in this match!
Hood: Half a second away from defeat. Things can turn quickly in OCW.
Jones: All that man needs is a way to get in...once he’s in, he’s golden.
Hood: Geezus, you trying to say he’s gonna fuck Veronica?
Jones: No! I was using his hacking as an allegory!
Hood: Well, phrase it more appropriately next time.
~Veronica sits up, holding her back. CYPHER pushes himself to his knees. Both competitors reach their feet at the same time...Veronica throws a quick kick into CYPHER’s gut. She brings him in for an Exploder Suplex...she lifts him up for a sharp angled drop...but CYPHER breaks free!! He lands behind Strader, jumps up, and blasts the air from her lungs with a backstabber!!! Veronica bounces around on the mat, wincing in pain, gasping for air. CYPHER slowly sits up, holding his head~
Jones: Great counter by CYPHER...he’s hacking his way back into this one!
Hood: Dare I say...he’s dropped some malware and has taken control.
Jones: It’s getting late in this one and CYPHER is right there with the undefeated TransAtlantic Champion. He’s got a real shot at this, Hood.
Hood: Proving the OCW management team right...he’s main event talent.
~CYPHER returns to his feet. He blinks a few times, continuing to display the side effects of head trauma. He pulls Veronica up but she shoves him back. She throws a right hand but CYPHER ducks it and responds with a quick uppercut that sends Veronica into the ropes. CYPHER greets her on the rebound with a straight right hand!!! Veronica spins around, giving her back to CYPHER. BOOM, HEADSHOT (Superkick)!!!! CYPHER blasts Veronica in the back of the head with a superkick!! She falls into the ropes, bounces off and he rolls her up!! Gruff falls into view, making the count. Alexandra counts along on the outside, ready to go wild~
1!
2!
3...NO!
Jones: She kicked out! The Proud and Strong will of Veronica refuses to be put down!
Hood: She’s survived Dylan Thomas, TLS, Supreme Machine, and Kelson Hewitt...can she survive CYPHER?
Jones: We’re about to find out!
~Calaway pulls at her hair, she can’t belive it! CYPHER is pushed to his knees by Veronica’s kickout. He remains there for a moment, rubbing his head, a little frustrated he didn’t get the pin. But, he returns to his feet. Strader is crawling toward the ropes. CYPHER grabs a handful of hair and yanks her to her feet...she spins around and throws a backfist at CYPHER, but he blocks it and hooks her around the waist. He tries to lift her for a German Suplex...but she blocks it...he tries and tries...she blocks and blocks. Finally, he changes course and ducks, hoisting her up onto his shoulder’s in a fireman’s carry!!! The crowd rises~
Jones: He’s got her up!!
Hood: Game Over!! Game Over!
Jones: If he hits it, most definitely.
~Strader instantly recognizes the situation she’s in. She smacks CYPHER in the head with a few elbows. His already damaged head starts to misfire and he stumbles forward. She breaks free, standing behind CYPHER. She reaches for his head, but he hits her in the gut with a mule kick!! Veronica stumbles back. CYPHER turns around and SMACK! He hits her in the head with Toxic Kick (Black Mass kick)!!!! Strader drops to her knees, almost out. CYPHER backs up, he looks at her...and he charges forward, sending his knee through her face with Download Complete (Kinshasa)!!!!! Strader tumbles backward!!! CYPHER hurries over, and makes the cover!! Gruff dives into frame with the count. Calaway is seen cheering on the outside, already celebrating~
1!
2!
Jones: She kicked out! Veronica Strader kicked out! She isn’t human!
Hood: I mean, technically, she may NOT be human.
Jones: Nobody has been able to put this warrior down. NOBODY
~Alexandra spins around, amrs exteneded like “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?!” CYPHER gets to his knees and looks at Strader in disbelief. He stands and reaches for his leg, it hurts from all the kicks delivered to Strader’s head...and, yet, she still would not relent. Is this a code that can’t be cracked? CYPHER might have been stonewalled in his hackathon earlier in the week, but he’s not gonna suffer stagnation in this match. He yanks Veronica up and quickly tosses her over his shoulders. The crowd rises...Game Over! He tosses Strader up...she comes down...but she blocks his knee!! She grabs his leg, sweeps the leg and takes him down!! The fans cheer! She’s got him down! She starts to lock in a Figure Four...but CYPHER kicks her in the ass...she stumbles forward, into the buckles...she hits and staggers backward, into the center of the ring. CYPHER pops to his feet...he hits the ropes, he runs at Veronica from behind and kicks her in the knee, taking her down to one knee. He this the ropes again, charges at her and leaps toward her with Cutscene (Shining Wizard)!!! But Veronica catches his leg, rises up, and tosses him over with Strader-Style (Exploder Suplex)!!!! CYPHER hits hard!! Veronica falls back to the mat! The fans go wild~
Jones: What a sequence!! CYPHER went for a kill shot twice and both times Veronica was able to avoid a match ending blow!
Hood: Every time, man. EVERY FUCKING TIME she’s hanging from the edge of defeat she rises up and snatches victory.
Jones: She’s unbelievable. She really is.
~Both wrestlers are down. Gruff walks around, preparing to begin a count. He suddenly turns, facing the rampway as CRAZY CHRIS is making his way down~
Jones: Hood! It’s Crazy Chris!
Hood: The fuck? I didn’t think these guys worked Mondays.
Jones: Well, Dan was on Massacre last week and he accepted a challenge from Veronica Strader for the TransAtlantic Championship at Big Game Hunting!
Hood: Ahh, that’s right. But where is he...all I see is Chris.
~Chris reaches ringside and stops. Gruff warns him...Chris throws his hands up like “I’m cool, I’m cool.” Alexandra points at Chris from across the ring, warning him. Chris urges her to cool down. Gruff turns back around to officiate the match. Strader, somehow, manages to get up first. CYPHER is on one knee. Strader crouches and waits...she’s got him lined up. CYPHER reaches his feet and stumbles, turning around. Strader goes after him with A LIKE SUPREME!!!! But CYPHER ducks and hoists her onto his shoulders for GAME OVER!!! The fans are on their feet! Chris looks on from the outside~
Jones: Can CYPHER do it? Can he do something the entire OCW roster has been unable to do...can he defeat Veronica Strader?
Hood: He’s one move away!
~Veronica, once again, elbows CYPHER in the head over and over and over. He falls to one knee. He’s down. She rips herself from his shoulders, back to her feet. She grabs him by the hair but he punches her in the gut over and over and over...she drops to her knee. CYPHER rises as he sees opportunity. He hits the ropes...but, as he does, Chris reaches in and grabs his foot!!! CYPHER stops and turns! Gruff runs over to yell at Crazy Chris~
Jones: Crazy Chris just kept CYPHER from hitting Veronica with Cutscene!
Hood: Damn, Dan wants Veronica unbeaten when he faces her at Big Game Hunting, apparently.
~Veronica returns to her feet, holding her stomach. She sees the commotion and looks on...but, from behind, Dangerous Dan enters the ring. He pops to his feet with the TransAtlantic Title in his grasp. The crowd yells and points. Veronica turns around and BLAST!!! She gets SMASHED in the face by the title!!! She drops to both knees. Dan dives out of the ring, tossing the belt at Belvedere, knocking him back into his chair. He hops the barricade...Chris backs up, hands in the air. CYPHER turns around and he sees Veronica in the same position he left her...he runs, hits the ropes, bounces off and CUTSCENE!!!! Veronica collapses to the mat!!! CYPHER dives on top...Gruff is in for the count~
1!
2!!
3!!!!!
~The bell rings~
Belvedere: Here is your winner….CYPH3R!!!!!
Jones: CYPHER WON!
Hood: Strader goes down!
Jones: Albeit with a MAJOR assist from Dangerous Dan.
Hood: Man, the Straders aren’t going to be happy about this one.
~CYPHER pops to his feet...his hand thrust into the air! At first, he looks shocked...but immediately, he shifts into “Fuck yea, told ya” mode. The fans are in disbelief. We get a shot of Chris, standing near the locker room entrance as Dan hops the railing, joining his brother. They share a fist bump, happy over their successful mission~
Jones: This is a monumental win for CYPHER, regardless of how it came about.
Hood: Yea, I mean he had to hang in there with her...they were going toe-to-toe and if Chris doesn’t interfere, CYPHER might have won this shit clean, anyway.
Jones: Regardless, they did interfere and a shot to the head from her treasured TransAtlantic Title is what gave Veronica her first loss in OCW.
Hood: Wild.
~CYPHER feels something missing. He looks around and he sees Alexandra outside, down. CYPHER hops out of the ring to check on her...he looks around, trying to figure out what happened~
Jones: Dan hit Alexandra with the TransAtlantic Title belt before he got into the ring...that’s why she didn’t attack Chris after he interfered!
Hood: Yea, but CYPHER didn’t see it. He has no idea Dan attacked...Veronica was in the same spot after the title shot as she was after he’d hit her in the gut.
Jones: Wow, you talk about controversy. Dan just stirred a whole bunch of it up. He cost Veronica Strader her undefeated streak. He also laid out CYPHER’s female friend, Alexnadra Calaway...who also happens to be in Paramount with CJ and Alice...and, well, not to mention she’s a pretty dangerous competitor on her own.
Hood: Dan’s playing a dangerous game..but, I guess that’s his name so, ya know, whatever, haha
Jones: If I were Dan I might take a vacation until the 29th. He’s likely to have Paramount, CYPHER, and the Straders all after him next week.
~CYPHER continues to check on Alexandra, holding her head in his arms, confused. Did she just fuckin pass out? Did a fan attack her? WTF? He won’t know until he sees the footage backstage. Meanwhile, Veronica remains down in the ring. Gruff takes her TransAtlantic Title and places it next to her~
Jones: This loss may feel like the end of the world...but she’s still the TransAtlantic Champion.
Hood: But, as we said earlier, where does this put CYPHER?
Jones: He’s got to be in line for a shot. There isn’t a wrestler on this roster with a better claim than him.
Hood: You think Dan just screwed himself into a three way...haha
Jones: Uhh, no. I doubt it, anyway. I’d be willing to wager CYPHER’s shot will come after Big Game Hunting. Either way, he’s getting one.
Hood: Man, no leadership and look at this shit. Fuckin insanity.
Jones: First match without Welsh watching and Veronica loses. It’s almost like those two are tied together in some spirtual form.
Hood: That shit’s above my pay grade.
Jones: What a wild night, folks...two of the biggest upets of 2022 on the same card. Tag team division continuing to soar. The card for Big Game Hunting is just about complete. Alice Knight with fifteen segments. Plethora is our OCW Champion. So much to discuss and digest but...we’re out of time.
Hood: Alright, I’m gonna go kill a cobra or something.
Jones: Have fun with that, I’m gonna go sleep.
Hood: Nerd.
Jones: We’ll catch you all next week!
~Veronica is finally starting to come to...but she doesn’t realize what’s happened yet. Alexandra is also beginning to open her eyes, with CYPHER helping her to sit up. We cut away~
I sow the seeds, and I've got what you need
I live in fire,I am discord
I destroy, I am a demon\\
Where I decide you'll make your stand
Rise up! Resist and disorder
Rise up! Resist and disorder\\
Everything burns, everything burns
I'll watch you fall down, I'll drag you face down
Everything burns, everything burns\\
~ The camera fades backstage and you see “The Distinguished” CJ O’Donnell standing outside what would be Marcus Welsh office. He looks down at the doorknob and open it without even knocking and sees Cap Slock sitting behind Welsh’s desk. ~
CJ O’Donnell: Where is Welsh?
~Cap Slock looks shocked that someone barged in without knocking but is still scared of O’Donnell. ~
Cap Slock: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF KNOCKING?
CJ O’Donnell: I’ll ask again where is Welsh?
Cap Slock: HE IS BUSY. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH?
CJ O’Donnell: Nope this is above your pay. I need to speak to the man in charge of OCW.
Cap Slock: LISTEN I KNOW YOU PROBABLY WANT TO BLAME HIM FOR BEING STUCK ON THE ISLAND BECAUSE HE HIRED THAT PILOT...
CJ O’Donnell: FOOK that pilot. This is bigger than that island. This is what some people say is a golden opportunity. And I am not talking about gold that you walk around your waist with. No, this gold is priceless. It has a bigger meaning to Welsh. So when you see him tell him that next time he needs to find me. His federation depends on it. The ball is no longer in his court. This is my golden ticket and I am going to do everything in my power to use it to my advantage. Even if that means I have to make a _phone call_!
Cap Slock: WAIT ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK YOU ARE SAYING...
~CJ shrugs his shoulders and walks out of the office as Cap Slock is standing their with his mouth open. We fade to black~