Monday Night Massacre
Live! Monday, July 4th, 2005 from The Target Center in Minneapolis Minnesota !

~The screen is black then, the OCW logo flashes followed by the MNM logo. We then fade into a jam packed arena full of screaming OCW fans!! We pan through the arena for a few minutes before settling on the announce team of Smith, Hood and Flamer~

Smith: Well, Sinful Nature IV is in the books and now it's time for another edition of Monday Night Massacre. I'm excited. How about you Hood?

Hood: Definately. How about you Flamer?

Flamer: Flamer is present and ready to call the action right down the middle.

Smith: What? Usually you just talk about how great you are?

Flamer: SHUT UP! Don't make me set myself on fire again.

Smith: Ugh.. Something's going on backstage..

~The camera cuts back to the locker room as Eliminator and Joseph Rosenberg are hanging out backstage. Eliminator is dressed to wrestle, and has the OCW World Hardcore Championship draped on his shoulder.~

Eliminator: It's so great to have OCW gold in my hands again...this belt was held by such greats as Silverfreak, Triple M, and Scott Syren!

Rosenberg: Be glad I managed to get you out, or you wouldn't be here to defend it.

Eliminator: You know I couldn't do something like that!

~There's a knock on the door.~

Eliminator: Come in! It's unlocked.

~The door opens, and Robert Lange walks in.~

Eliminator: Hey, it's that guy again.

Rosenberg: Well, thank you for wishing my client here good luck on his match at Sinful Nature IV.

~Robert Lange looks at Eliminator's Hardcore title belt.~

Lange: It's good to see that SOMEONE has some class around here...by the way, that's a nice belt you got there.

Eliminator: It sure is.

Lange: Well, I've got a plan to get some more gold. Want to hear it?

Eliminator: Sure, I'm up for more championships.

~The camera cuts back to the annoucers as Lange begins to talk about the plan.~

Smith: Let's get on to our first match...

Top Dog vs. Dillon Jaymes

TOSS MATCH HERE

~The picture opens backstage in one of the long corridors of the arena. Where the camera meets 'The Legend' Logan Caine and the infamous Scoot Time. They are having a friendly chat, when Caine's skull is met with a shot to the back of the head with a boxing glove. Caine topples to the ground, and has trouble getting up. The camera pans up to show Robert Lange pulling off the glove, and tossing it to the ground, with some sort of metal falling out of it. ~

Robert Lange: I am so sick and tired of seeing Syren and his 'associates' pull their retarded shenanigans. Syren is a disgrace to the World Title. And you are a disgrace to the Television Title..

~In that moment, Scoot Time courageously attacks Lange, by jumping on his back and start choking him. Robert Lange simply flips him over his shoulder, sending him on his ass. Scoot quickly gets up, and scatters while holding his behind. While Lange starts laying kicks to Caine's midsection, as he tries to get up. The attack continues for a few moments, and then Scoot comes running back, with back up, Dilon Draven. Lange is unaware, and gets blindsided with a spear. Draven lifts Lange to his feet and throws him head first into the wall. Logan Caine and Dilon Draven keep stomping on Lange.~

Logan Caine: That'll teach you to mess with the Legacy!

~Logan Caine picks him up, then flapjacks him as Dilon Draven jumps up to diamond cut him to finish The Prodigy, their tag team finisher. Suddenly, Logan Caine and Dilon Draven are hit from behind with some sort of object. They collapse to the concrete floor. The attacker is revealed to be Eliminator, armed with the OCW World Hardcore Championship.~

Eliminator: Phase one of the plan in motion!

~Eliminator motions Lange to climb up some stray chests located in the backstage area. Eliminator finds a table and sets it. He picks up Logan Caine and powerbombs him through the table. After that, Robert Lange dives off the chests with a senton splash onto Caine. Eliminator picks up Dilon Draven, kicks him in the gut, and performs Total Elimination on him.~

Eliminator: I fucking hate BUFF as well. Since we've taken out The Legacy, our path to the Tag Team Titles is much clearer!

~Eliminator and Lange stomp on Draven and Caine as the camera cuts back to the ringside area.~

Smith: Well, let's get on to some more action..

Hunter McKay (3-2) vs. Mikael (3-3)

Warrick: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match which is sure to be a real treat is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first hailing from Nashua, New Hampshire and weighing in at 275lbs., please welcome Hunter McKay!!!

~"Line in the Sand" by Motorhead starts playing and Hunter McKay makes his way to the ring. He steps up on the ring apron and takes a sip out of his water bottle. He looks out at the crowd, who all boo at him, and then spits water in every which direction. The mist from the spit water wets his chest as he climbs into the ring and the crowd follows up with some more boos.~

Hood: Um. Why was Hunter McKay spitting water?

Flamer: Maybe he was trying to put out my fire.

Warrick: And his opponent.. Hailing from, believe it or not, Purgatory.. He weighs in at 245lbs, please welcome the only OCW wrestler currently with a 3-3 win-loss record.. Mikael~!

~A soft guitar riff plays out from the speakers in the arena, as the lights dim to pitch-black and a low red fog begins creeping up from the grating along the floor. The cawing of crows rebounds in a sudden silence, and upon the screen situated above the entrance a murder of the black birds flies from one side to the other across a wooden crucifix driven into a muddy, rain-soaked hill. The guitar resumes it's strum as 'Schism' by Tool kicks fully into gear, and from behind the curtains a figure slowly steps forward and walks until he becomes illuminated by the red haze within the smoke. Mikael glares from beneath his hanging hair towards the ring, then marches down to it without even a sideways glance to the crowd. He slides under the bottom rope, coming to rest in the center on his knees, then stands and slowly raises his arms until they extend to either side, his feet together, his whole body in the position of the crucifix. As his arms raise, so too do the lights brighten until all the darkness is expelled...Mikael rolls his head back, staring out from under his damp hair and towards his opponent with a low, sick smile upon his face. ~

Smith: Well we're getting ready to see some good action in this one.. Two good workers here, they both work hard to make sure they're in excellent condition for their matches.

Hood: You've got a mismatch of styles here.. Mikael is a submissionist.. Hunter is a brawler. But even with the mismatched styles, this could be a good match.

Smith: You know with the talent that's in there that these guys can put on a show.

~The bell rings and the two men lock up in the middle of the ring. Mikael gets a hold of Hunter's arm and wrenches it. He pulls McKay's arm behind his back and locks in a wristlock behind Hunter. Hunter struggles in the wristlock, but Mikael holds onto it. Hunter swings his free arm back, looking for a back-elbow, and connects. Mikael, although just knocked with an elbow, keeps the hold applied and doesn't let go. Hunter swings his elbow back again, but Mikael ducks under it - determined to keep that wristlock clutched in. Mikael quickly lets go of the wristlock and drops to his knees. He pulls McKay's legs out from under him and McKay lands flat on his face. Mikael is quick to move up and lock in an armbar on McKay. McKay fights, trying to get out of the armbar, but can't.~

Smith: You know this hold is a favorite of mine. If Mikael, the submissions expert, is able to hyperextend Mikael's arm, Mikael is going to be out of action for a long time.

Hood: BOOO! Hit someone with a chair!

~Mikael sees that Hunter is too strong and releases the hold. He gets back to his feet before McKay though and nails the first punch once Hunter gets to his feet. McKay fires back with a punch of his own. Mikael punches McKay. McKay punches Mikael. And again and again and again as McKay takes the advantage. He backs Mikael into a corner and nails a few hard punches. He then picks him up and turns to deliver a spine buster, but Mikael nails a punch to McKay's face and McKay drops Mikael. Mikael lands on his feet and tries for an upper-cut, but McKay moves out of the way and Mikael hits nothing but air. Hunter swings his arm, trying for a clothesline but Mikael ducks. Mikael then moves in and nails a hard punch to Hunter's midsection. Hunter leans down and Mikael sets him up and hits him with a high-impact piledriver.~

Smith: Woah! Piledriver there by Mikael.

Hood: I can't think of many more high-impact moves than the piledriver.

Flamer: Umm.. Hello. Are we forgetting about setting one's self on fire and then delivering high flying manoeuvres?

Smith: No. Sadly, that will never be forgotten.

~McKay gets rolled onto his back by Mikael and is covered..

1..

2..

KICKOUT!~

Smith: Not enough.. Not yet.

~Mikael grabs McKay by the hair and drags him to his feet. He nails a knee to McKay's face and then hooks him up and tries to suplex him. Hunter blocks the suplex, and follows up with a vertical suplex os his own on Mikael. Mikael hits the mat hard. Hunter gets back to his feet and drags Mikael up. He tosses him to the ropes with an irish whip and Mikael comes running back towards him. Hunter grabs Mikael and delivers and stiff spine buster in the middle of the ring. McKay makes the cover..

1..

2..

KICKOUT!~

Hood: Not enough.. Still. McKay is trying to put this one behind himself though.

~McKay gets to his feet quickly and drags Mikael up with him. Hunter lifts Mikael up onto his shoulder and runs, nailing a Running Powerslam close to the ropes. Hunter makes the cover..

1..

2..

Mikael gets his foot on the ropes, and so the referee stops the count. Hunter gets pissed off and pulls his leg off the ropes and makes the cover again..

1..

2..

KICKOUT!~

Smith: McKay has to deliver more damage..

~McKay gets back to his feet yet again. He grabs Mikael and drags him up. Hunter signals that it's time for the end, but out of nowhere Mikael gets a burst of energy. He jumps up and nails McKay with a kick to the stomach. He runs behind McKay and drops him with a hard Reverse-DDT! However he doesn't let go of the DDT-grip and locks in THE PAIN his version of the dragon sleeper. McKay starts struggling hard, in obvious pain.~

Smith: WOAH! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A SUBMISSION VICTORY HERE BY MIKAEL~!

~Mikael wrenches back on McKay's neck harder really locking in The Pain. Hunter's struggling slows dramatically as it appears he's being knocked out. The referee grabs McKay's hand and drops it..

Once..

Twice..

McKay's hand doesn't drop the third time, as instead it slams into Mikael's forehead with a fist. Again. Again. Finally Mikael lets go of the hold. McKay grabs his neck, in obvious pain. Mikael gets to his feet and waits for Hunter to get up. When Hunter gets up, Mikael runs and lifts his knee, looking for a high knee. However, Hunter ducks under the high knee. Mikael misses and turns around where he's met by a boot to the midsection and set up for Hunter's Pedigree. Hunter nails his version of the pedigree which is ironically also called The Pedigree and hooks the leg for the pinfall..

1..

2..

3!!~

Warrick: Here is your winner.. HUNTER McKAY!!!!!!!!!

Smith: Hard fought battle.. Big win there for Hunter McKay!

Fade from black. We are on a beach somewhere along the Pacific Ocean. A subtitle appears at the bottom of the screen that says "several nights ago..." Suddenly, a bright red four-seat dune buggy comes roaring onto the scene. Logan Caine, Dilon Draven, TC Larcen, Rob Torborg are all inside. Scoot Time is strapped to the rear bumper. Caine shuts off the engine and they all run onto the shore. Draven helps Scoot untie himself.

Draven: Is this the spot?

Torborg: God dammit, you idiots! We have to find him! He's been underwater for over fifteen minutes now!

Scoot Time: Is he gonna be okay?!

Logan Caine snaps around and scowls at Scoot Time. He grabs Scoot Time by the throat.

Caine: God dammit, Scoot... he BETTER be okay, or I'm holding you personally responsible.

Scoot's lower lip trembles and then, unable to control himself, he bursts into tears. Draven pushes Caine.

Draven: Do you ALWAYS have to get him going like that?

Caine: What?!

TC Larcen: Hey, over there! Is that it?!

They all look towards the ocean where Larcen is pointing. One corner of what appears to be a shark cage is sticking up above the waves. The BUFF dudes rush into the water and drag it onto the sand. Sure enough, Scott Syren is inside. He is not moving.

Caine: Oh shit...

With two swift kicks, Logan Caine breaks the padlock off the cage. The BUFF dudes open it up and drag Syren out of it, laying his wet body on the sand.

Torborg: He's dead!!!

Caine: He's still breathing, dumbass.

Torborg: Scott! God dammit, Scott, don't you die on me! You taught me how to pee!

Draven: He's FUCKING BREATHING, DUDE!

Torborg: I never told him, but he was like a father to me...

TC Larcen slaps Torborg across the head.

TC Larcen: He isn't dead!!!

Scoot Time: He's dead?! I know what to do!

Scoot Time gets down on his hands and knees and attempts to revive Syren via mouth-to-mouth. Draven, Larcen and Torborg turn away in horror. Logan Caine stares on, dumbfounded and disgusted. Scoot Time is really getting into it, he starts using his tongue and everything. Instantly, Syren wakes up.

Syren: WHHETTFRRGGG?!?! (He is trying to say "what the fuck" but Scoot Time's tongue is in his throat.)

Syren leaps up off the sand, grabs Scoot Time around the throat and choke slams him into the ocean. We hear the fans at the arena (who are watching this all on the OCW tron) cheering wildly--some because Syren isn't dead; others because Scoot Time got choke-slammed.

Torborg: Syren!!! You're alive!

Syren: Yeah, no shit man! Guess what else?

Torborg: What?

Syren: I'M THE WORLD FUCKING CHAMPION!!!

The BUFF gang begins celebrating and giving each other high-fives, like cool dudes often tend to do. The fans at the arena are now heard booing as the camera cuts back to a live shot of the announcers table.

Smith: Well, there you have it folks, looks like our World Champion survived the attempted drowning at the hands of Triple M and friends.

Hood: Of course he survived, he's AWESOME!!!

Flamer: They should have burned him instead.

Hood: I'm seriously going to kill you. Soon.

Suddenly, all the fans are heard booing. The camera cuts to the entrance and we see all five members of BUFF heading down to the ring. Syren and Caine hold their title belts high above their heads.

Smith: What are they doing here? Ugh, haven't we seen enough of these miscreants tonight?

Hood: But that was just a recording from last week! This is live!

Smith: I still say we've seen enough of them.

Flamer: I say I've seen your mama's pussy... AND her dick!

Syren: It's a sad day in OCW history when a gentleman gets heckled for pissing on faggots, and a faggot gets cheered for trying to drown a gentleman to death in the ocean.

Some fans boo at Syren's whining, others cheer at the allusion to Triple M.

Smith: ... you know, he kind of has a point.

Hood: Of course he does, he's Scott Syren!

Syren: So how does it feel, Triple M? How does it feel to piss on somebody who's already been beaten within an inch of their life? Feels pretty good, doesn't it? Did you come up with that yourself? No, wait, you ripped it off from me, the same way you've been ripping off other people's ideas ever since you first entered OCW. I'll give you credit though, Triple M... this time you ripped off an idea all on your own instead of sucking it out the end of TGO's cock. So what the fuck are you calling yourself now, asshole, Just Fucking More Betterer?

Some fans laugh, most boo. In the ring, Syren puts his hand on Logan Caine's shoulder.

Syren: You know, Mr. Caine, nobody thought we could do it. Everyone took BUFF for granted. Everyone thought BUFF was a joke. Everyone took BUFF to be some egocentric circle jerk of washed-up has-beens and no-name rookies. But who ended Annie Alvarez's undefeated streak?! Who has the TV Title?! Who is THE WORLD FUCKING HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION?!

Syren, in a rage, climbs up onto a top turnbuckle and begins screaming at the loudly-booing audience.

Syren: WHO HAS THE GOLD, MOTHERFUCKERS?!?! WHO HAS THE GOLD?!?!

He calms himself a bit and climbs back down into the ring.

Syren: Silverfreak said I wasn't "fucking cool" enough to be World Champion. Funny thing is, he didn't even show up in the World Title match to try to prove that point. Instead, I had to face Triple P.

The fans cheer wildly. Syren spits into the front row disgustedly.

Syren: Yeah, that's right. Fuck you all and fuck your hero. Did you like it, Triple P? Did you like it when I broke you? Did you like it when I made you use chairs, canes and weapons on me? Did you like it when I made you make me BLEED? Did you like it when I SHATTERED YOUR WHOLE BULLSHIT "CLASS ACT" FAÇADE?! I think you DID like it, Pee Pee Pee. I think you enjoyed letting go. Of course... in the end, the only thing you really let go of is this World Title that's around my waist right now. Funny how shit works, hey dickhead? Does it hurt, Triple P? Or does the constant oral sex and salad-tossing from Cyanide and Triple M help to ease the pain of defeat?

The fans, as you may have guessed, begin to boo loudly.

Syren: The funny thing about Triple M... he doesn't realize that the only reason anybody wanted him back in OCW was to get rid of Triple P's arrogant, boring ass. Triple M--idiot--you've signed your fucking death warrant. Not when you peed on me, not when you tried to drown me... but as soon as you aligned yourself with Pussy-ass Paul Paras. Because you can't really call him "perfect" anymore, can you? Because if his worthless ass measures the standard of "perfection"... well shit, what does that make me? A god? A GOD~!?

The fans continue booing. Some tire of Syren's rant and begin to throw empty beer and soda cups into the ring.

Syren: I could go on for hours about how revenge is sweet and payback is a bitch... but fuck clichés, you morons know what you did and you damn well better know that you're going to pay for it. There's only one thing left to do.

Syren throws his world title onto the mat, unzips his pants, and pisses all over the belt. The fans are livid. After the member has been tucked away, Torborg kneels down with a can of red spraypaint and paints "BUFF" across the belt's gold, piss-wetted face. For perhaps the only time ever in OCW history, every single fan in the entire arena is booing loudly. Some are furious over the desecration to the belt, some don't like seeing people piss, most simply hate Scott Syren.

Syren: That's what I think of OCW and it's fuckin' poster boys. I try to bring back old-school charisma and class to the OCW and what do I get for my pains? Some gimmick-stealing buck-futters trying to drown my ass. Well FUCK THAT. BUFF rules, and you'll all see that tonight.

Syren reaches down and picks up the pissy BUFF (aka Torborgville) World Title. "Devil Town" by the Groovie Ghoulies rings out over the PA system and BUFF exits the ring and heads to the back.

Smith: "We'll all see that BUFF rules?" What do you suppose Syren means by that?

Hood: Nothing good for that idiot, Triple M!

~A commercial airs for the next OCW Pay Per View... No Limits.~ ~"Headspace" by Velvet Revolver begins to blare throughout the arena as the house lights go off and are replaced by gold strobes that pulse to the beat of the music. The fans immediately rise to their feet, cheering, as the music slows down, prompting a huge blast of gold pyro from the ramp. The crowd absolutely ERUPTS as their hometown hero, PERFECT PAUL PARAS walks out onto the stage!!~

Smith: Wow, we're starting things off with a bang tonight! Minneapolis' own, Triple P!

Hood: Yeah, the guy who lost to Scott Syren last Sunday.

Smith: Win or lose, both of those men gave us one of the best matches we've ever seen here in OCW. Even you can't deny that, Hood.

Hood: Sure I can! But I guess I won't, just this once. Any guy who just about kills himself deserves credit in my book. Too bad he didn't finish the job.

Flamer: I always finish the job_just ask your mom!

~Triple P walks down to the ring amidst the sea of cheers, his forehead bandaged from his fight at Sinful Nature IV, and, perhaps in a mocking sense, his Singapore cane bandaged up in two places as well. He coolly slides into the ring, not showing any signs of pain, and stands in the middle of the ring, arms extended to each side, taking in the props from the capacity crowd. After a few moments, he his handed a mic by Warrick and begins to speak.~

Paras: MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA_your People's Choice has returned home!

~Another blast of cheers from the partisan crowd as Paul performs a gracious bow.~

Smith: Paras certainly has a lot of love from his hometown crowd.

Hood: Ugh, sign me up for the free barf bag giveaway.

Paras: Now I could go on and on about how good it feels to be back home again, to the point of sounding like a John Denver song, but I know my Parasites want me to get right down to business_so The Perfect One shall oblige. I, Paul Paras, come before you tonight with cuts, scrapes, and bruises the size of Mississippi from my World Title match last Sunday at Sinful Nature IV. On that very night, Triple P made his long-awaited return to Pay-Per-View, honestly not expecting much. You see, when Dean assigned his little "committee" to basically write report cards for the top 10 wrestlers in OCW, thereby deciding who would fight for what championship, The Perfect One didn't think he had much of a chance. After all, look at the talent in that top 10: most of them were younger, hungrier, and had a lot more to win in a situation of that nature than someone such as myself, who has been World Heavyweight Champion, is already a Hall of Famer, and really had no reason or wish to be World Champion again. Of course, The Perfect One could bust any one of their carcasses on any given day of the week, but that only goes so far in front of a committee of chronic jabronics!

~Paul smirks, obviously enjoying himself in front of his fans.~

Paras: So for Deano Machino's committee to select Triple P for the World Title match perplexed The Perfect One a bit, but I certainly was not going to pass up the opportunity. Instead, Parasites, I gave you exactly what I said I would give you_The Perfect One, doing what he does best_perfectly pulverizing ignorant ass!

~A "TRIPLE P! TRIPLE P! chant rumbles through the stands, shaking the very foundation of the building.~

Paras: Now, everyone knows, win or lose, I am still The Perfect One, but I'll give credit where credit is due. Scott Syren was a tough opponent, and he deserves credit for his accomplishments. I mean, the way in which he needed help from four other guys to win a World Title over a guy who hasn't wrestled fulltime in four years, and who should've rightfully been on his way to the hospital mid-match? Incredible accomplishment. And that whole act of "whacking off" on other men because no woman would let him in for the night? Amazing. Oh, and then there was this little number_

~Paul points up to the OCW-Tron as the lights in the arena dim to a movie theatre setting. The scene opens to a shot from Sinful Nature IV, showing Triple M and Silver Cyanide's post-match beatdown on Scott Syren. We see Maurako hold the arms of Syren, whose pants have been down the whole time from attempting to be crazily innovative and urinate on OCW television for the 5 billionth time. We see Triple P on the screen raise his freshly-delivered Singapore cane to the crowd, wind up, then take a hard swing right between Syren's legs, the scene switching to a black-and-white still frame as the audio of the bamboo cane's snapping noise and the fans' "OHHHH!!"ing in shock can be heard in the background. The scene rejoins the feed with Syren lying on the mat, eyes wide and holding his groin area, as Cyanide draws a moustache on his face with magic marker. The screen then shows Triple M pushing the shark cage containing Syren into the Pacific Ocean and watching it sink. Our real-time Triple P shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly as the feed ends.~

Paras: Ladies and gentlemen, your World Champion. He looks a lot bigger on TV, don't you think? Bottom line, Syren, The Perfect One put up with your third grade antics for the last month without responding whatsoever. You see, Triple P is a busy man and simply doesn't feel the need to waste his precious time on you and your silly little band of men whose combined talent doesn't match up to my left pant leg. Luckily for you, my good friend TRIPLE M is more than willing to waste his time on you, because you have something he wants_that OCW World Heavyweight Title. Rest assured, Syren, Triple M left OCW for one reason and one reason only_to get himself focused on winning gold once again!

~The fans cheer, then begin a chant of "PM! PM! PM!" at the sound of Triple M's name.~

Paras: Haha, you guys are the best. But since you got on the topic of teams, let me Perfectly ponder this one for a second_Perfect Paul Paras, Marvelous Mario Maurako, and Silver Cyanide_three of the greatest OCW superstars of ALL-TIME. World Championships, Lightweight Championships, Intercontinental Championships, Tag Championships, Hardcore Championships, US Championships, TV Championships, and not one, not two, but three OCW Hall of Fame entries between us. To put it quite simply, the single greatest collection of talent the world of sports entertainment has EVER seen. The group every wrestling fan has wanted to see since the day all three men competed in OCW back in 2001_ but the time was never quite right. But lo and behold, OCW fans, the time has finally come_as Syren and his BUFFoons found out the hard way, The People's Choice, The Marvelous One, and The Lightweight ICON have joined together to form a well-oiled machine that will be the driving force in Online Championship Wrestling_what we like to call: SFB.

~The fans begin a chant of "SFB! SFB!" before even learning what the name means. Fans are fun like that.~

Paras: Yeah, we might've called it PMS, but I just got around one lawsuit and I really wasn't in the mood for another! So, yes: SFB. Sure, you've all heard of "Just F*cking Cool" and the little spinoff we ran a few years back called "Just F*cking Better". But this, my little ignoramuses, is no JFC or JFB. Those groups were doomed from the start, lost in their own hype and drowning in indulgence and overbearing ego. SFB, however? We've got more hype, more indulgence, and oh yes, more ego than those past two groups combined_and we're STILL F*CKING BETTER than any OCW superstar, past, present, future, or all of the above!

~Now that the crowd has been informed, they start a "Still F*cking Better!!" chant as Paul smirks and nods his head in approval.~

Hood: So much for originality in names!

Smith: What do you mean?

Hood: They're ripping off a ripoff!

Smith: If you'd like to take it up with Triple P, be my guest. He's right there in the ring! I'm sure he'd love to hear what you have to say on the matter.

Hood: Well I_Shut the hell up, Smith, you fag!

Flamer: Yeah, you fag!

Smith: And you guys are the ones complaining about originality?

Paras: Now then, before I go, Minneapolis, I know there's still one question on each of your minds_Triple P, you came within an angel's hair of winning the World Title, what are you going to do now? Well Minneapolis, I suppose I could go do some antique shopping_ or maybe repaint my kitchen back home_ or maybe, just MAYBE, The Perfect One could get himself right back into the OCW spotlight the only way he knows how_with Perfect execution. The truth is, I make no guarantees as to where I'm going or what I'm doing next, but I will guarantee this to all my Parasites: Triple P's next course of action WILL be absolutely Perfect_and Still F*cking Better than anyone knew possible. Thank you everyone, and enjoy the show.

~"Headspace" hits the speakers once more as the fans go wild. Paul salutes the crowd, then gives some high-fives before jumping over the rail and walking through the Minnesota masses. He poses for a few pictures and just generally takes in the support of his fans as he slowly makes his way to the backstage area.~

Smith: Well Hood, we know who SFB are and they're sure to be a force to be reckoned with here in OCW. Now the only question that remains is, what happened to Scott Syren after they dumped him into the ocean?

Hood: Syren better still be alive_bastard owes me ten bucks.

Annie Alvarez (4-1) vs. Kenzie Raye (1-1)

Warrick: The following match is a lingerie paddle on a pole match and is scheduled for one fall. Pinfalls will only count in this match once the paddle is removed from the pole. Introducing first, from Lubbock Texas, weighing in at ..

~Warrick is cut off as we cut backstage where Annie and Kenzie are fighting! Annie nails some hard punches to Kenzie and irish whips her into a hard wall. Kenzie hits the wall hard and Annie runs up behind her and slams her face into the wall again! Annie grabs Kenzie and nails a Russian Leg Sweep onto the hard concrete floor in the backstage area. She picks Kenzie up and Kenzie nails some punches of her own on Annie.~

Smith: This match has started before it's even started! They're still in their robes!

~They fight out onto the OCW ramp and Annie finally rips Kenzie's robe off, revealing a white bra and panties. Annie nails a stiff kick to the side of Kenzie's head and Kenzie collapses~

Hood: WOOHOO! Lingerie!

Flamer: It ain't silver!

~Annie, while Kenzie is down, poses for the crowd and takes off her robe revealing a black bra and panties. She then nails a hard kick to the midsection of Kenzie, and picks her up. She nails Kenzie with a vertical suplex on the ramp, leaving Kenzie winded and in pain. Annie struts down to the ring as the crowd cheer her on. Annie rolls into the ring, Kenzie still laying on the ramp, and Annie asks the crowd (through sign language) whether or not she should grab the paddle. The crowd cheer for her grabbing the paddle, so she heads over to go get it. However, Kenzie gets back to her feet and runs into the ring. She runs up behind Annie, grabs her and delivers a German Suplex!~

Smith: Nice German Suplex by Kenzie!

Hood: WHO THE HELL does a German Suplex during a LINGERIE PADDLE ON A POLE MATCH!?

Flamer: It'd appear, although it's mere speculation, that Kenzie Raye would.. Dumbass.

~Kenzie picks Annie back to her feet and then sends her back down to the mat hard with a belly-to-belly suplex. Kenzie gets to her feet and raises her hands in victory~

Smith: Kenzie might be celebrating too early..

~Kenzie makes her way over to the pole and climbs to the second turnbuckle. She reaches up to grab the paddle, but is met by a forearm to the lower back by Annie. Annie slams Kenzie's forehead against the pole and Kenzie falls backwards off of the turnbuckle.~

Smith: Is using the pole legal!?

Hood: Do you really think the referee is going to DQ someone in a lingerie paddle on a pole match?

~Annie nails a hard boot to Kenzie's midsection as she lies prone on the mat. Kenzie rolls over onto her stomach and Annie laughs at her and raises her arms in victory.~

Smith: What is with these girls raising their arms in victory!? The match isn't over yet! Go get the damn paddle~!

~Annie climbs up to the top turnbuckle and grabs a hold of the paddle. Kenzie gets to her feet and comes up behind Annie and grabs her leg. Annie nails a hard kick to Kenzie's face and Kenzie turns around, grabbing her face in pain and putting her back to Annie. Annie grabs the paddle from the top of the pole and jumps off the top turnbuckle, nailing a hard paddle shot to the back of Kenzie's head. Kenzie grabs the back of her head as she falls to the mat. Annie raises the paddle in victory~

Hood: WE HAVE PADDLE!

Smith: But she's supposed to use it to spank her opponent, not nail her in the head with it and knock her out.

Flamer: She's a smart girl. Good move there by Annie, but she needs to capitalize. I'd like to suggest setting yourself on fire, Annie.

~Kenzie starts crawling across the mat, looking really hurt and Annie paddles her ass. She nails her again and again over the ass with the paddle. Once Kenzie's ass starts to look damn red, Annie lifts her to her feet. Kenzie, however, somewhere getting a burst of strength, nails a boot to Annie's midsection. Kenzie grabs Annie and nails her version of the rock bottom known as The Rodeo Rider!!!~

Smith: WOAH! Kenzie nailed her finisher! WOAH! It's over!

~Kenzie doesn't make the pin attempt though. She stands up and rubs her own ass, apparently it still really hurts from the paddling. She kicks Annie hard in the side, and Annie rolls over onto her stomach. Kenzie smiles and grabs the paddle. She walks up behind Annie and nails her with a hard paddle to the ass. Annie lays motionless as Kenzie slams the paddle against her ass again and again. Once Annie's backside is red and covered with welts, Kenzie stops.. ~

Flamer: Shit, Annie's ass looks like it's got third degree burns. I've lit myself on fire more times than I can count and I've never been that red.

~Kenzie lifts Annie to her feet and sets her up for another rock bottom/Rodeo Rider, but Annie gets strength from somewhere and elbows Kenzie in the side of the head. She irish whips Kenzie to the corner and runs in, nailing a hard dropkick to Kenzie's midsection against the turnbuckle. Kenzie falls down and lays in the corner, with her head on the bottom turnbuckle. Annie gets a smile on her face and runs at Kenzie and performs her version of the bronco buster known as The Naughty Girl~

Hood: WOOOO! LESBIAN ACTION! LESBIAN ACTION!

~Annie gets up and grabs the paddle. She walks over to the corner and pulls Kenzie to her feet. She slams the paddle against Kenzie's face. Kenzie screams out in pain. Annie nails several hard paddle shots to Kenzie's face and Kenzie starts bleeding from her nose. Annie nails a hard kick to Kenzie's midsection and when Kenzie bends down Annie swings again and nails the paddle into the back of Kenzie's head. Kenzie goes down to her knees, and Annie hooks her up for her version of the pedigree and nails KISS THE MAT. Annie doesn't go for the pin, however.~

Smith: Why isn't she going for the pin?

Hood: More punishment it would appear.

~Annie grabs the paddle again and nails Kenzie a few more times in the ass with it. She then drops the Paddle onto the mat and pulls Kenzie up. She hooks Kenzie up one more time for her version of the pedigree and nails Kiss The Mat right onto the paddle so that Kenzie's face collides with it. She rolls Kenzie over and makes the cover..

1..

2..

3!!!~

Warrick: Here is your winner, ANNIE ALVAREZ!

Smith: Shit! The end of that match looked more like a hardcore match than a girly match.

Hood: You can say that again.. Kenzie is bleeding like a pig.

Flamer: I hear she eats like a pig too.

Smith: That wasn't very nice to say, Flamer. Watch your manners.

~Another commercial for No Limits, the next OCW PPV airs.~

The scene begins with a wonderful view of a city, that city...San Francisco. The view zooms into downtown San Fran, where we find a park. Which is filled with cyclists, families, lovers picnicking, youngin's on their first dates, and of course, citizens walking their dogs. The camera pans to a man dressed in tight, leather black pants and tight as can be pink t-shirt, with the words 'Loverboy' written in white. It's OCW hopeful, 'Fruity' Freddie Mendoza. He is walking a small, light brown pug, with pink bows on its ears. Which starts to bark and chase a black lab, who is handled by a gorgeous blond, with a white shirt and short black miniskirt.

Freddie Mendoza: No, bad dog, Mimi, come back! Guess I am not the only one with the taste for chocolate, hehe..

Mimi, reaches the lab, as does Freddy. He pulls back on the leash, and begins to chat with the young woman.

Mendoza: Terribly sorry, hunny, I don't know what has come over Mimi.

Woman: Oh it's ok, cute dog though! Do you come here often?

Mendoza: Yes quite often, I haven't seen you before around here, though.

Woman: Oh I just moved here, but I will probably start coming here more often. There are a lot of cute guys around here..

Mendoza: Yeah, tell me about it. I mean, I guess..

Woman: Well, hey I gotta run, but you seem like a good guy, let me give you my number. Maybe we can hang out sometime soon.

Mendoza: Sure, I don't see why not!

The attractive lady pulls a little yellow notepad from her purse, and writes down her phone number, and hands to Mendoza. She plays with her a little bit, and then walks off, giving Mendoza a wink before she goes away. Mendoza noticing the camera is there now speaks..

Mendoza: What a slut..

Mendoza crumples up the paper, and throws it in a nearby recycle bin. Remember to always recycle, children. Anyway, Mendoza strolls back over to the camera, ready to talk about his hopes to come to the OCW.

Mendoza: Well, I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille...well the OCW, I hear great things of this place. And I am sure I will find what I hear true enough. But the one thing it lacks, which could bring fantastic ratings...is myself, The Fabulous One. That's right, I, will put butts, hehe, in the seat. I have the charisma, I have the willpower, the determination to succeed. I have the stamina...to go allllllll night long, baby. You know what, the OCW needs me. Any fed, or person, would be lucky to have me. So what do you say OCW? If you say yes, tell the roster that they better be ready...to get their cherry POPPED!

The scene turns black as Mendoza has a smile from ear to ear, and goes back to play with his dog..

Smith: That was highly strange... Another commercial~!

~A third commercial for NO LIMITS plays. At the end text is displayed that says THE BIGGEST EVENT OF THE SUMMER~

Silver Cyanide (2-0) vs. Cayle Murray (2-1)

~We flash back into the ring and both men are already there, having come out during the commercial break. There are two referees in the ring checking both men for weapons.~

Hood: This is very strange..

Smith: Yes. Apparently there will be no ring announcements for this match. You know our competitors, Lightweight Champion Silver Cyanide vs. Cayle Murray for the Lightweight title. This is going to be exciting..

~Once the referees finish their very thorough pat-down of both wrestlers, the bell rings and the wrestlers walk to the center. They smirk at one another, knowing that they’re both pissed off still from the PPV. They lock up in the middle and Cyanide shows his power by pushing Murray who falls backwards. Murray quickly gets back to his feet and runs at Cyanide. He nails Cyanide with a hard clothesline and he goes down. Cyanide gets quickly back to his feet and swings his foot up, nailing a super kick on Murray. But it doesn’t phase Murray and he gets right back up and dropkicks Cyanide in the shoulder. Cyanide doesn’t go down, but spins around grabbing his shoulder in pain. Murray runs up behind him and rolls him up..

1..

2..

KICKOUT!~

Smith: Very even match here..

~Cyanide gets back to his feet, seemingly, quicker than Murray. He runs at Murray and nails him with a body tackle and then starts nailing him with punch after punch.~

Hood: Very aggressive action here..

~Cyanide grabs onto Murray and pulls him to his feet and then executes a vertical suplex. Cyanide does not let go though and drags Murray back to his feet. He lifts him up for another vertical suplex, but Cayle slips out the back. Cayle nails Cyanide with a forearm to the back of the head. Cyanide goes down to one knee and Cayle nails a stiff kick to the back of Cyanide’s head. He goes down.~

Smith: Down goes Cyanide..

~Cayle runs to the ropes and jumps off of it. He springboards back at Cyanide and nails an elbow drop. Cayle makes the cover..

1..

2..

KICKOUT!~

Smith: Close, but no cigar.

Flamer: Can I have a cigar out here?

Hood: Shouldn’t you be gone by now? Where’s Jones?

~Cyanide gets pulled to his feet by Cayle. Murray locks in a sleeper hold on Cyanide, but Cyanide is quick to counter by backing Murray into the turnbuckle. Murray uses the turnbuckle to his advantage though by hooking up Cyanide, climbing to the second rope and executing a Tornado DDT!~

Smith: Woah! Make the cover Murray!

~Murray makes the cover, hooking Cyanide’s leg..

1..

2..

KICKOUT!~

Hood: Close, but no cigar..

~Murray gets back to his feet and climbs to the top rope. He comes sailing off with a moonsault, but meets nothing but mat. Cyanide gets on top of Murray from behind and locks him in, lifting him up and nailing a stiff German Suplex. Cyanide makes the cover..

1..

2..

KICKOUT!~

Smith: Nice German Suplex..

~Cyanide gets to his feet and pulls Cayle up too. Cyanide nails Cayle with a punch, but Cayle surprisingly fires back with a punch of his own. They exchange some hard right hands until Cayle takes the advantage. Cayle, sensing that this is his chance to win, swings his foot in the air for a super kick. Cyanide ducks under it, and then sends his foot sailing up and nails a super kick of his own.~

Smith: LETHAL INJECTION!

~Cyanide quickly jumps to the top turnbuckle and sails off it with his back elbow drop, nailing Overdose right on. He makes the cover..

1..

2..

3!!!!~

Warrick: Here is your winner, and STILL OCW Lightweight Champion.. Silver Cyanide!

~Cyanide drags himself to his knees, off the body of Cayle Murray, as Triple M and Triple P climb into the ring. They help Cyanide to his feet as the ref brings him his LW title and both of them raise his hands as the ref places the belt over Cyanide's shoulder. Triple P and Triple M are all smiles as they congradulate the champ, but Cyanide's eyes are wide, wild, and plain scary-looking. He pulls his hands away from PM and slides out of the ring, grabbing a microphone and sliding back into the ring. He faces the OCW-Tron and the entrance and points at it.~

Cyanide: DEAN!! Dean, I want you out here now!!

~Triple M and Triple P look at each other, and Triple P says something to Mario and points at Cyanide with a quizzical look on his face. Triple M shrugs, Paul shrugs, and Cyanide continues ranting.~

Cyanide: President Dean!! Get your SUCKA ass out here, I have business to take care of!!

Smith: Cyanide is losing it! He's targeting Dean for an assault!

Hood: It gets the ratings, that's for sure! The President of the company should be beaten up weekly, we'd all be millionaires!

Cyanide: Dean, I demand you come out here this instant! I demand that you get off your lazy ass in that cush, plush office chair and--

~"Voodoo Child" by Jimi Hendrix begins to play and the fans all stand as President Dean steps out onto the stage, microphone in hand. Cyanide grins like a shark, a very charismatic lightweight shark, and begins hopping up and down, not unlike a little kid about to get a new toy. Dean raises the microphone to his lips and points at Cyanide.~

Dean: Listen, sucka, you have the gall to interrupt your President while he's in his office playing a game of "find my missing contact lens" under his desk with Annie Alvarez? I have every right to hand you a pink slip right now, champion or not!

Cyanide: Hold up there, Deano, I just have one quick order of business, then I'll go back and help you find your missing contact lens too, okay?!

~The fans begin to laugh and Cyanide looks at them as if they were crazy until Triple P steps up, whispers something into Cyanide's ear, and realization begins to dawn on Cyanide's face.~

Cyanide: On second thought...I think you and Annie are on your own. But I'm getting off topic here! Dean, on Craze I told the whole world that I wanted to elevate the lightweight division. I want to prove that I'm the best of all time and send the legacy of Josh Allen skidding to the curb on its ass! I want to prove that I Was F*cking Better and I'm STILL F*cking better than anybody on this roster, and I want to show the world that Silver Cyanide stops at nothing to put on a show, entertain the fans, and kick some pansy ass, just like Triple P, the chili-powder throwin', kendo-stick swingin', GTO-drivin' King of High Impact...or like Triple M, the 2x4 smashin', Marvelously Manhandlin', Future Mr. Universe! I want everybody to see that all the corners of the SFB Triangle are FULLY VERSED in destroying all comers!

~The fans begin to cheer and Dean nods slowly.~

Dean: Fine...fine...what did you have in mind, Cyanide?

Cyanide: Dean, every future Lightweight Title defense, whether it be No Limits IV, Frost Bite Seventeen, Monday Night Massacre, Thursday Night Craze, or a house show in Bumblef*ck USA...should be a Hazardous Ladder Match!!!

~The fans voice a very positive approval of this idea.~

Smith: Oh my god! Hazardous Ladder Matches every time Cyanide defends his title?! Can he do that?!

Hood: He's the freaking CHAMP, Smith, he can choose whatever stipulation he wants! The question is...how many defenses will it take before he's too broken to continue?!

~Dean nods slowly again, pauses...and raises a thumbs up. The fans explode.~

Dean: You've got it, Cyanide, every Lightweight Title defense as long as you are champion will be a Hazardous Ladder Match...now can you dig that, SUCKAAAAAAS?!

~Cyanide turns and high fives Triple M and Triple P, who applaud his decision.~

Dillen Jaymes (3-2) vs. Top Dog (1-0)

Warrick: This match is scheduled for one fall! Coming to the ring first, rapping from Brooklyn, New York, weighing in at 227 pounds, Dillen Jaymes!

~"Bad Influence" by Eminem plays as Dillen Jaymes appears from the entranceway. He gets some "go away" boos from the males in the crowd, but he gets some cheers from the horny female crowd. He enters the ring and faces the back.~

Warrick: And his opponent, coming from Detroit, Michigan, he weighs in at 285 pounds, a Rookie Killer and former OCW World Heavyweight Champion, Top Dog!

~"I Stand Alone" by Godsmack plays, and the crowd erupts, as Top Dog aggressively paces to the ring. He shoots an icy gaze at Dillen Jaymes as he walks up the steps and into the ring.~

Sam: Dillen Jaymes has a tough match tonight, going up against the former champ...

~Flamer interrupts.~

Flamer: Top Gay!

Hood: And Flamer wins again with another astute comment!

Sam: Let's just watch the match.

~The bell rings as both Jaymes and Top Dog circle each other. Top Dog lunges at Jaymes but Jaymes backs away.~

Sam: This match isn't going to be a technical showcase!

Hood: And I like it! Just two men who are going to beat the shit out of each other, and we might see some blood!

Flamer: Only fags bleed!

~Dillen Jaymes tries to body slam Top Dog, but Dog counters with a heavy right hand. Top Dog whips Dillen Jaymes into one of the turnbuckles. Top Dog casually walks over towards Jaymes, and gives him a series of knife-edge chops. The crowd chants "Woo!" with each chop.~

Sam: Top Dog is taking it to Dillen Jaymes in the early going of the match! He has control of Jaymes!

~Top Dog grabs Jaymes, and he tries to give him an overhead belly to belly suplex, but Jaymes counters with a quick eyepoke. The crowd boos at this.~

Hood: A classic Greco-Roman move by Dillen Jaymes!

Smith: He cheated!

Hood: So?

~Taking advantage of this, Jaymes gives Top Dog several punches, then whips him to the ropes. Jaymes runs over and clotheslines him over the ropes. Jaymes walks out and follows him.~

Smith: Apparently Dillen Jaymes feels he has a better chance at winning the match if he's at ringside!

Flamer: Only fags go to ringside!

Hood: You're at ringside right now!

Flamer: ...damn.

~Jaymes gives Top Dog a short arm clothesline. Jaymes climbs up back to the apron and leaps off at Top Dog with an elbow drop. At the last second, Top Dog gets out of the way! Dillen Jaymes clutches his elbow as Top Dog gets back to his feet.~

Smith: Dillen Jaymes took a rare risk and he failed!

~Top Dog pulls Dillen Jaymes up and he whips him into the barricade. As the referee counts, Top Dog goes into the ring and back out to break up the count. Dog walks back over to Dillen and pulls him up as if it were a back suplex.~

Smith: He's not going to...I don't think he is...

Hood: Ref, disqualify his ass!

~Top Dog gives Dillen Jaymes an atomic drop onto the ringside barricade. All the male fans wince and cross their legs. Dillen Jaymes flops up and down like a fish and grabs his Young MC's. Top Dog looks at the referee and he just shrugs his shoulders.~

Smith: Apparently, the referee is letting that low blow go! He's not going to give a disqualification to one of the more popular wrestlers here in OCW!

Hood: Top Dog cheated!

~Top Dog pulls Dillen Jaymes up and slides him into the ring. He makes a cover and the ref makes the count.~

1!

2!

NO!

Smith: I don't see how Dillen could have kicked out of that!

Hood: YES! YES! DILLEN KICKED OUT! FUCK YOU TOP DOG!

~Top Dog looks a bit frustrated but picks up Dillen Jaymes and gives him a sidewalk slam. Top Dog climbs the turnbuckles very slowly.~

Smith: What on earth is Top Dog trying!

Hood: I don't know!

~Dillen Jaymes takes advantage of Top Dog's miscue, gets up, and climbs the ropes. They trade punches, but Dillen is too strong to go down. Dillen hooks Top Dog and gives them a superplex! Both men are down, and breathing heavily, as the referee gives his 10 count.~

1!

2!

3!

Smith: It would suck for the match to end this way.

~Jaymes slowly crawls over to Top Dog and makes the cover...~

1!

2!

NO!

Hood: Dammit, Top Dog kicked out!

~Both men slowly get up. Dillen tries to hook Top Dog up for a vertical suplex but Top Dog grabs Dillen's throat!~

Smith: It's The End!

~Top Dog picks up Dillen with his one hand and chokeslams him down to the ground, delivering his finisher The End! Top Dog makes the cover!~

Hood: NO! NO! DAMMIT!

1!

2!

3!!!!!

Warrick: Here is your winner, TOP DOG!!!!!

Smith: Top Dog gets a hard-fought victory over Dillen Jaymes!

Hood: Dammit, he cheated!

~The camera cuts back to the locker room where Eliminator is sitting. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door.~

Eliminator: Come in.

~The door opens, and Scott Heinz walks in, obviously angered that his interference didn't cost Eliminator the Hardcore Title..~

Eliminator: Oh, it's you. Pissed off that you didn't get the job done?

Scott Heinz: No, not really. It didn't matter who won the title.

Eliminator: That's why you wanted Torborg to win, so you'd have an easier title win?

Scott Heinz: Like I said, it doesn't matter. I'll beat you, any time, any day.

~Eliminator points to the OCW Hardcore Championship belt on his shoulder.~

Eliminator: So you want some of this?

Scott Heinz: Yes, I want a shot at your Hardcore Championship.

~Scott Heinz lunges at Eliminator and spears him. He mounts Eliminator and starts punching Eliminator repeatedly. Eliminator tries to shove off Heinz, but Heinz is too strong. Scott Heinz picks up Eliminator and gives him Promises Unkept.~

Scott Heinz: Good luck.

~Suddenly, Robert Lange walks into the room.~

Robert Lange: What the hell is going on here?

~Robert Lange notices the fallen Eliminator, and also notices Scott Heinz. Robert Lange rushes to Heinz and starts punching him. Heinz tries to fight him off but can't. Lange gives Heinz a spinebuster onto the cold concrete floor.~

Robert Lange: You okay?

~Eliminator nods as he slowly gets up. They carry Heinz out of the locker room and into a backstage corridor.~

Eliminator: It's time to add some Insult to Injury!

~Eliminator picks up Heinz for a powerbomb, and Robert Lange climbs up some stuff scattered in the backstage corridor. As soon as Eliminator drops Heinz, Lange launches with a senton splash. Eliminator points at the fallen Heinz and laughs.~

Eliminator: Now that was a bit Cruel and Unusual! By the way, Heinz, if you want a shot at the Hardcore Championship, you got it. Next week on Massacre, in a Last Man Standing match!

~Cruel and Unusual walks away as the camera cuts back to the announce team.~

Eliminator (4-1) vs. Charlie Mac (Free Agent)

Warrick: The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, in the ring, free agent Charlie Mac!

~The crowd boos at Mac.~

Smith: Charlie Mac was released from contract earlier this week, but since this match was already legally signed he is required by law to be here. The crowd does not like the fact that he is here though, and this match is not for Eliminator’s Hardcore Title.

Warrick: And introducing next.. From Nashville Tennessee.. Weighing in at 283lbs., please welcome OCW HARDCORE CHAMPION.. ELIMINATOR~!

~Shoot You in the Back by Motorhead starts playing and Eliminator makes his way to the ring. He climbs in the ring and looks across at Mac with anger in his eyes.~

Hood: My God.. Eliminator looks like he’s going to kill him.

~Suddenly, without warning, when the bell rings Eliminator runs across the ring and nails a spear on Mac. Mac hits the ground and looks like a carcass that’s been laying on the floor of the old age home for a week. Eliminator gets to his feet and drags the carcass up.~

Smith: My god.. He’s going to tear him limb from limb!

~But, rather then tear him limb to limb, Eliminator just double underhooks Charlie Mac’s arms and nails his double-arm-DDT called Total Elimination. He stands up and raises his arms in victory, then rests his foot cockily on Charlie Mac’s chest..

1..

2..

3!!!~

Warrick: What? I have to talk again this soon? Where’s my bottle of water?

~Warrick searches around for a bottle of water and takes a drink, then says in his normal voice..~

Warrick: Here is your winner.. ELIMINATOR!

Smith: Well that match was short and uneventful..

Rob Torborg vs. Triple M

~The lights go out as “Personal Jesus” By Marilyn Manson. After a few seconds a Fireworks display goes off and Rob Torborg makes his way out and towards the ring.~

Warrick: Coming down the isle from Miami Florida. Weighting in at 6’2” and 228lbs…. Rob Torborg!

~Torborg climbs into the ring and stretches in the corner as “Marvelous” By Nine Days plays and out walk six ladies carrying mirrors. Triple M then slowly makes his way out from behind the curtain to a deafening ovation from the crowd. Triple M stops to flex in the mirrors.~

Warrick: And his opponent, from right here in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Weighting in at 6’1” and 260lbs. Triple M! Marvelous Mario Maurako!

~Triple M continues slowly down the isle stopping to admire himself in the mirrors several times. He finally gets into the ring and pulls out his “MMM” mic.~

Triple M: WHO ROCKS THE HOUSE!?!?

~The fans scream Triple M.

Triple M: Here in just a few seconds I’m going to Marvelously Manhandle this idiot on the other side of the ring, but before I do I just wanted to give a shout out to all my peeps right here in MINNEAPOLIS MINNESOTA!!!!

~The fans scream even louder after Triple M’s cheap pop.~

Triple M: Ok Torborg it’s time for you to find out that you may be good, you may be great, but your NOT Marvelous!!! And I’m Still F*cking Better!!!

~The fans cheer as Triple M drops the mic and charges and hits Torborg with a clothesline. Triple M picks him up off the mat and gives him a standing headbutt as the bell rings. Triple M whips Torborg to the ropes and back body drops him and Torborg lands hard on the mat. Torborg doesn’t waste any time getting up, but as he gets up Triple M charges and connects with a clothesline that takes Torborg out of the ring and to the floor, as the fans go wild.~

Smith: Triple M cleaning house right now.

Hood: Damn! This isn’t fair! Triple M jumped him before the bell.

Flamer: This should be interesting. It’s Torborg’s birthday and they are in Triple M’s hometown. Someone is going to be a little upset.

Hood: It’s Torborg’s birthday? Normally Smith gives me heads up on these things.

~Torborg gets up to his feet just in time for the running Maurako to leap over the top rope and land on him. Triple M lands a rapid fire of punches to the side of Torborg’s head before picking him up and rolling him back into the ring. Triple M climbs up to the top rope and holds his arms out to his side forming a “T” and then he leaps off with a diving head butt and Torborg moves letting Triple M land face first onto the mat. Torborg quickly locks on a crossface.~

Smith: Triple M missed with The Nose Dive and is now paying for it.

Hood: Happy Birthday Rob! I hope he pisses on Maurako when the match is over.

Flamer: See Hood I told you that you were stupid for cheering Maurako for that one day against Ned. No, you thought Triple M was a new man. He will never change he will always be out to make the fans happy… and it makes me sick!

Smith: There is nothing wrong with Triple M pleasing the fans. With BUFF running around I’m glad OCW has a super strong stable like SFB to compete with them.

Hood: They aren’t competing so good right now…. Triple M is about to quit.

~The Referee is down asking Maurako if he wants to give up but Triple M isn’t giving up. Triple M reaches and grabs the bottom rope breaking the hold. Triple M starts to get up but Torborg locks on a standing side headlock. Triple M lifts Torborg up to an atomic drop position out of the headlock and Torborg flips back onto his feet and clamps on a sleeper hold. Triple M immediately back pedals driving Torborg into the turnbuckle. Torborg hops up on the second turnbuckle and as Triple M turns around jumps off and drop kicks him in the face. Torborg crawls over to Triple M on the mat and reapplies the Side headlock.~

Smith: Triple M tried many times to get Torborg off of his head and neck but Torborg is relentless in his attack.

Hood: Great! Soften up his neck. Break it in half!

Flamer: You’re not going to beat Triple M with a side headlock.

Hood: How would you know? You never beat Triple M.

Smith: Not many people have beat Triple M. But out of the ones that did, submission has never been one of those ways.

Hood: So, he doesn’t have to quit…. We’ll pin him. Come on BUFF!

~The Crowd starts to Chant “Triple M” and Triple M starts to try to fight out of the headlock. Triple M gets up on one knee and Troborg tightens the grip on Maurako, but Maurako still gets all the way up. Maurako back pedals to the ropes and then tries to shove Torborg off but it doesn’t work and he ends up back on the mat in the headlock.~

Smith: Rob Torborg will just not let go of this hold.

Hood: Come on Torborg!

Flamer: This sucks. He’s been in that headlock for like 5 minutes now.

Hood: No it would suck if it was Torborg in the 5 Minute Headlock.

~Triple M once again battle up to one knee. But this time he hooks Torborgs leg and rolls around into a pinning situation. The Ref counts.

1

Kickout!

Torborg has to release the headlock to kickout. Both Triple M and Torborg get to their feet. Torborg charges at Triple M with a clothesline but Triple M ducks and hook Torborgs arm and comes around the back and hooks the other arm and lifts him into the air and slams him down to the mat.~

Smith: SUPER MARIO!

Hood: NO! He pulled his hair!

Smith: No he didn’t.

Hood: Damn it I said he did!

~Triple M grabs Torborg’s leg and holds it up to his waist for a second. Triple M raises a finger into the air and spins it in a circle and give a Ric Flair “WHOO” and then clamps on a Figure Four Leg Lock. Torborg shouts out in pain as the ref checks to see if he wants to give up. While the ref is checking Torborg out Scott Syren runs down to the ring carrying a chair. Triple M looks out at the fans that are cheering for him and gives them a thumbs up. Triple M sees Syren out of the corner of his eye and releases the Figure Four on Torborg. Torborg sees Syren and grabs his knee and pretends that he is seriously injured and the ref kneels down to check on him. Triple M gets up and turns to Syren who nails Triple M over the head with the chair. Syren grabs the chair and leaves heading back up the ramp. Torborg slaps his knee twice and then crawls over and covers Triple M. The ref crawls over and counts.

1!!!

….

….

2!!!

…..

….

….

3!!!!

The Bell Rings and Torborg starts jumping up and down with excitement.~

Smith: NO! Triple M was screwed!

Hood: YESS!!

Flamer: What? Seriously? SWEET!!!!!

Warrick: The Winner of this match…. ROB TORBORG!!!

~Blvd of Broken Dreams hits and Matt Denton runs down to the ring in his suit. He walks up to the official and points to the instant replay of the Chair shot on the OCWtron. The referee then steps out of the ring and talks to Warrick about something.

Hood: What the hell is going on? This match is over and Torborg is the winner.

Smith: I don’t think so Hood…. I think the match is going to be restarted.

Flamer: That is impossible!

Hood: Who is this Matt Denton guy anyhow?! Why is he screwing up the happiest moment in my life?

Warrick: The referee has informed me that due to the interferance of Scott Syren, Rob Torborg has been Disqualified!!! Therefore your winner Triple M, MARVELOUS MARIO MAURAKO!!!

Hood: NO!

Smith: It’s the right thing to do.

Hood: No the right thing to do is to let Torborg win.

~The ref turns around and starts yelling at Warrick.~

Warrick: I stand corrected. The referee has ordered that this match MUST CONTINUE!!!

~Denton gets out of the ring and stands at the bottom of the ramp. The bell rings again as Torborg shouts at Denton. Triple M slowly gets to his feet… he looks around all confused and pulls something out of his tights and puts it on his head.~

Smith: IT’S THE MASK!

Hood: NO!!!!! NOT THAT!!!!

Flamer: BLUE THUNDER!!!!!

~Torborg stops shouting at Torborg and turns around and gets kicked in the gut by Triple M. Triple M grabs Torborg’s head and nails a twist of fate.~

Smith: GOOD OVER EVIL!

Hood: I HATE BLUE THUNDER AND TRIPLE M… WHOEVER HE IS!

~Triple M gets up and looks around at the fans who are going absolutely crazy. He walks down to Torborg’s legs and lifts them up to his waist and then applies a Sharpshooter.~

Smith: IT’S THE THUNDER LOCK!

Hood: DAMMIT!

~Torborg tries to fight his way to the ropes but he isn’t getting very far. Triple M pulls back even harder on Torborg’s legs and he has no choice but to tap out!~

Warrick: Ladies and Gentlemen the winner of this match via submission. Triple M, MARVELOUS MARIO MAURAKO!!! ~A recap of Sinful Nature IV, especially Scott Syren’s World Title win is shown. There is also a tribute to Pete Parker’s IC Title win. Then a question mark fades saying “WHO WILL LEAVE NO LIMITS HOLDING TITLES?”~

The camera cuts backstage, where we see Vice President Bifford walking down the hallway in a very god-like fashion. Scott Syren runs up behind him.

Syren: Bifford! Biff! Man am I glad to see you!

Biff: What's on your mind, champ?

Syren: A dead body!

Biff: WHAT?! WHO?!?!

Syren: It... it... it's...

Biff: For God's sake man, tell me!

Syren: SCORPION!!!

Biff: Scorpion?! Dead?!?! Here?!?!?!

Syren: Over on the loading dock!!!

Biff: This calls for an investigation!!!

Biff runs off to investigate. When he is out of sight, Syren begins to laugh. TC Larcen appears from around the corner, also laughing, and gives Syren a cool-dude high five. The cameras follow Bifford all the way to the loading dock. He doesn't find Scorpion dead, though. Instead, he finds a mannequin, poorly dressed-up as Scorpion. The mannequin is surrounded by delicious hams. Bifford is speechless. He sits down on the concrete and begins to eat one of the hams.

Smith: Well... that was different. But what was the point of--

Hood: Wait a minute, something else is going on back there!

The camera cuts to Dean's office. He is sitting at his desk looking quite frustrated. The camera zooms in and we see that he is working on a sheet titled "Matches for July 11th Massacre." So far, the page is blank.

Dean: Damn, I just can't think what to book for next week.

Suddenly there is a knocking upon Dean's office door.

Dean: Go away, sucka, I'm busy.

The door opens anyway. It is Torborg and Scoot Time. Dean groans loudly. Torborg and Scoot grin at him widely.

Dean: What are you doing--

But he doesn't finish his sentence. Five reasonably-priced yet moderately-attractive strippers file into the room behind Torborg and Scoot. Two immediately begin giving Dean a tandem lap dance. One gets behind him and massages his shoulders. The other two get up on his desk and begin dancing and making out with one another. Scoot Time gets up on the desk and starts dancing too, bouncing his ass in Dean's face, but Torborg quickly pulls him off the desk and slaps him in the mouth.

Dean: Ohhhhhhh

Dean gives Torborg the "thumbs up." His thumbs aren't the only thing that... oh, never mind.

Torborg: Consider this a present. From the World Champion to the best president ever.

Dean: Tell Mr. Syren thanks! Now get the hell outta here, suckas! Can't y'all see I'm busy?!

The camera cuts back to the announce table.

Smith: That, too, was rather odd. But once again... why?!

Hood: What do you mean WHY?! Syren is being his usual nice-guy self and sending Dean a little gift!

Smith: You don't seriously expect me to believe that. Wait... if Bifford is occupied... and Dean is occupied... then who is...

As if on cue, "Devil Town" by the Groovie Ghoulies begins to ROCK over the PA system and Scott Syren comes down to the ring.

Smith: This could spell trouble.

Hood: This could spell AWESOME!

Syren: Hey! Did you jerks miss me while watching this shitty, shitty Massacre?

The audience boos.

Syren: Aww hell, fuck all y'all. Y'alls mammas gots pussies AND dicks!!! Ha! Ha! Ha! You know, it's good to be OCW World Champion. It gives me certain privileges. Tonight, I'm going to exercise those privileges.

Smith: Privileges? What does he mean?

Syren: You see, Dean and Biff are both really busy with important OCW shit in the back right now and so they told ME--being that I'm the World Champion--to come out and book the July 11th Monday Night Massacre for them!

The fans boo louder, impervious to Syren's lie because they saw it all on the OCW-Tron.

Syren: So let's see... the first match of the night will be Rob Torborg and TC Larcen.

Smith: Two BUFF members fighting each other?!

Syren: Torborg and Larcen AGAINST Kenzie Raye in a two-on-one match!!!

The fans boo in protest.

Syren: Okay, okay... you're right... two on one isn't fair. Let's make it THREE on one!!! We'll add CLUBBIN' MAN to the mix and make him an honorary BUFF member for a night!

Hood: What a great match!!!

Syren: Now let's see... lots of veterans... lots of new guys... so for the second match of the night, let's go with the old versus the new and try Goldie vs. Matt Denton!

The fans applaud, pleased with this match.

Syren: By the way, this will NOT be a normal match. This will be a MIME MATCH!!! That's right, the ring will be filled with one-dozen genuine French mimes, being stupid and getting in the way!

The fans are speechless. And well they should be: mimes? I mean what the hell, really.

Syren: Next... I know everyone--well, everyone except Scoot Time--has been DYING to see the return of the whack-off match! So let's have Zeke Karmichael take on Alexander H. Mary in a WHACK OFF MATCH!!! And if you boys don't know what a whack-off match is, you better read up on your OCW history!

Smith: Somebody stop this nonsense!!!

Hood: Somebody quiet this FAG sitting next to me!!!

Syren: Now... how about some title matches? You all like title matches, right?! Let's try "Pornstar" Pete Parker defending against Sean Clarks... IN A WEIGHT-ROOM MATCH!!! That means weights, treadmills, bowflexes... whatever... if you can use it to get huge muscles, it's a legal weapon!

The fans cheer for this match.

Syren: And hey, how about those vacant tag titles? We need some fuckin' TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS around here, don't we?!

The fans go wild.

Syren: So let's have The Legacy taking on... hmmm... the team of Annie Alvarez and Danny Wright!!! You know, since there aren't any other actual tag teams in OCW besides The Legacy!

Smith: What?! What about Sex and Violence?! What about Perfectly Marvelous?! What is Syren trying to pull here?!

Hood: Everyone makes mistakes, Smith. He must have forgot about those other teams.

Smith: I doubt it! Annie Alvarez and Danny Wright?! Do they even like each other?!

Hood: Shit, I don't even think they KNOW each other! Ha! Ha! This is great!

Smith: No! No it is NOT great!

Syren: And one final match... I know, how about I prove that I'm a REAL champion?!

The fans go nuts again.

Syren: Yeah, I'll defend my World Title!!! But not in an arena... we'll take it to the ZOO!!! AND we'll have a special guest referee: THE HARDCORE CHAMPION, ELIMINATOR!!!

The fans are going super-fuckin-crazy just trying to comprehend this match.

Syren: And my opponent?! None other than Hunter McKay!!!

The fans boo sooooo loud. Several fans kill themselves on the spot.

Smith: SCOTT SYREN IS DESTROYING OCW!!!

Hood: No way! He's booking a PPV-caliber Massacre for next week! This rules SO hard!!!

The Final Investigation into the Deaths of Oratonic, Spectre, Twiztid Z and Cocco Ricci

~The screen flashes backstage where Bifford is still sitting and eating the hams, which were gifts from Syren and Company. He’s looking at the mannequin of Scorpion as he eats.~

Bifford: See.. I knew they couldn’t kill Scorpion.. OH SHIT!

~Bifford looks down at his wrist-watch and drops the ham. He jumps to his feet.~

Biford: OH SHIT! We’re running out of time! Massacre only has so much air time! MY GOD! We haven’t even started the Murder Investigation! I promised the world that this thing would be ended tonight.. Where’s that stupid Fairy!?

~Bifford looks down at the remaining hams and grabs them. He shoves one in his mouth, and looks kind of like when a roast-pig has an apple in his mouth, as he runs down the hallway, with two other hams in his hands. He drops them suddenly when he sees Toothfairy. He pulls the ham out of his mouth.~

Bifford: Care for some ham, Toothfairy?

Toothfairy: No thanks. I just want to get this business out of the way and get home to my family. I haven’t seen my wife, sister or children in a week.. I just want to get home to them.

Bifford: Yeah, well just to business the right way okay? No funny business. Your family will be waiting for you when you get home.. They’ll be happy to see you and your big fat OCW pay cheque.. So just go out there, take your time, don’t worry about your family, and do this right. Your family will get to see you every night for the rest of your life, OCW only gets you one more evening.

~Bifford drops the remaining ham on the floor and pats Toothfairy on the back encouragingly. Toothfairy walks off, and Bifford drops again to the concrete floor and begins enjoying Syren’s hams again.~

Smith: That was entirely screwed up..

~Have A Cigar, by Pink Floyd, begins playing and the crowd goes wild. The curtain swings open and The Toothfairy walks out. The bizarre creature strides down to the ring with a big heavy looking bag in his hand. He slides under the bottom rope and pulls himself up to his feet. Standing in the ring, he looks around the crowd and then pulls a microphone out of the bag. Several loose teeth fall to the floor, since the bag is apparently full of them.~

Toothfairy: Hello OCW Fans! Show me those pearly whites!

~The crowd cheers at Toothfairy.~

Toothfairy: I was brought here for one simple reason.. I have to solve some murders. OCW’s undercard over the past 3 years or so has lost three superstars.. Oratonic was killed before Sinful Nature III and Spectre and Twiztid Z were killed before Sinful Nature IV. Cocco Ricci was killed at Sinful Nature IV. What do these murders all have in common? A common murderer.

~Toothfairy grins his twisted bizarre grin.~

Toothfairy: I know who it is.

~The crowd pops, knowing that they’ll know tonight who the murderer is.~

Toothfairy: I know very well who the murderer is. Hell, I knew three years ago at Sinful Nature III: The Celtic War. Why didn’t I speak out when Cocco Ricci said that it was Scott Masters who killed Oratonic? Because I didn’t have to. I knew Cocco Ricci was wrong, and that was enough for me. I never cared for Scott Masters, he had ugly teeth, so I let him rot in prison.

~The crowd, not really sure whether to boo or cheer, still cheers.~

Toothfairy: But the real reason I know who killed these men is simple.. I witnessed all 4 murders. I saw them all with my very own eyes. I know who killed them, I know how they were killed, and I saw the looks of terror on their eyes when they realized that they were going to die. I saw the looks on their faces when I knew that they knew they’d never see their families again. They’d leave their wives as widows and their children as orphans. Their children cried late at night and their wives were never the same again. I saw fear in their eyes the likes of which I never saw in the ring. Sure, I was a US Champion here in OCW, but nobody feared me. They feared their killer though. They were fucking terrified.

Smith: Um.. This is a bit scary. Why was Toothfairy at the murder scenes?

Toothfairy: Haha.. You know, it made me feel fucking amazing when I killed those sons of bitches.

~The crowd, shocked, boos at Toothfairy.~

Smith: WHAT!? Toothfairy is the murderer!?

Hood: WHAT!? Why!? Why Toothfairy!? Why!?

~Toothfairy laughs maniacally and pulls a handful of teeth out of his bag and lets them drop onto the ring mat. He laughs and kicks them about.~

Toothfairy: Those were Oratonic’s teeth.. He won’t need them now because I KILLED HIM! Just like I killed Twiztid Z and Spectre.. Just like I killed that meddling son of a bitch Cocco Ricci. I did it all for one man. I did it for Silverfreak.

~The crowd, now really stunned, is silent.~

Smith: He.. Did.. It.. For.. Silverfreak?

Toothfairy: I hear that you’re confused.. Maybe you didn’t hear me. I KILLED THEM for SILVERFREAK!

~The crowd sits in silence. They’re not sure what to believe.~

Toothfairy: I can hear the thoughts in your heads, OCW fans.. You’re wondering WHY!? Why did you do it, Toothfairy? Why would you kill all those men for our hero? Why would you do it for our beloved hero!? We love Silverfreak.. SHUT THE FUCK UP! Nobody wants to hear about your love for Silverfreak. I killed these people because I HATE Silverfreak.

~The crowd boos Toothfairy. A few throw some garbage at him.~

Toothfairy: I killed these people so that Silverfreak would give me what I’ve always wanted.. A match with him. ONE on ONE.. Silverfreak vs. Toothfairy at No Limits, the next OCW Pay Per View. So Silverfreak, you have two choices.. One you wrestle me at the next Pay Per View and the killing stops. Two, you don’t wrestle me at the next Pay Per View and every single wrestler in the back has to look at their wives and girlfriends and families when they leave their house next as though it might be the last time they see them. Because I might kill them. Because if you don’t sign this contract, there will be a whole hell of a lot more death going on..

~Toothfairy reaches into the bag of teeth and pulls out a contract on a clipboard. He pulls a pen out of the teeth too and signs it.~

Toothfairy: Silverfreak.. Stay backstage. I don’t want to fight you here. At the Pay Per View I’ll fight you. Here, YOU, take this backstage..

~Toothfairy hands the contract to Warrick. Warrick takes it and jogs backstage.~

Toothfairy: Silverfreak.. FIGHT ME! FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN! STOP BEING A COWARD! Don’t even think about sending police to the ring either.. I am a Master of Escape and will not be caught, not now not ever, by the police. The only way I’ll go with the police is if you beat me.

~Silverfreak appears on the screen, looking pretty pissed off. Warrick suddenly appears next to him, out of breath.~

Warrick: There you go, man.

~Silverfreak takes the contract and looks it over.~

Silverfreak: This contract says that if I win, you will go willingly with the police.. Are you going to honor that?

Toothfairy: Of course.. Just sign it and then show me those pearly white teeth of yours..

~Silverfreak continues looking the contract over.~

Silverfreak: Wait a second.. This isn’t signed by you.. It’s signed by Theodore Bryan Benson. Who the hell is that?

Toothfairy: Duh. My legal name isn’t really Toothfairy is it? Just sign the freaking contract, you coward.

~Silverfreak signs the contract and hands it back to Warrick. Warrick jogs back out into the arena and hands the contract to Toothfairy in the ring. Toothfairy looks it over.~

Toothfairy: Excellent.. No Limits.. Excellent.

~The side of Toothfairy’s mouth stretches.. He looks slightly uncomfortable and then confesses to Freak~

Toothfairy: But Freak.. Now I’ve got to be honest with you.. I’m really sorry.. I never killed anyone.

~Toothfairy looks at the camera.. He suddenly looks more human than he ever has. Remorse and sadness cover his face.~

Toothfairy: And I’m not Theodore. I’m sorry Freak. He had my freaking sister taken hostage.. He had my wife kidnapped. My children were screaming on the phone. He told me I had to do this or they’d all die. Freak, I’m not a wrestler anymore.. I’m a family man. I just want to go home and see my family safe and spend time with them..

Silverfreak: What? WHO!? WHO IS THE REAL MURDERER!?

~The lights go out in the arena. Lowly, but slowly building Outside by Staind begins playing. The crowd, in complete silence listens.. The arena is so dark nobody can see anything.~

Smith: What is going on..? I think Silverfreak is as confused as we are.. Who?

~The lights come back on. The camera shows Toothfairy, lying face down on the mat, his back covered in blood, a dagger in his back. Toothfairy is completely motionless and dead..~

Smith: But..but..but.. Who?

Hood: Look.. behind.. him.. oh.. my.. god..

~The camera pans out to show a huge black leather jacket.. It sways in the wind, going all the way down to the attacker’s feet. The camera slowly pans up until The Big Bifford is visible. He’s clutching the contract in his hand. A sick smile goes over Bifford‘s face~

Bifford: I did it all for you, Freak.. Three years I’ve waited for this.. I did it all for you. I have no limits Silverfreak.. No limits at all.. See you at No Limits.

Smith: TOOTHFAIRY IS DEAD! BIFFORD IS THE MURDERER! NO LIMITS! MY GOD!

~Bifford pulls something out of his pocket, which is apparently a smoke bomb and throws it. It hits the ring mat and smoke covers the ring.. As it clears, Bifford is gone and just the dead body of Toothfairy is left.~

Smith: My god.. We’re all out of time.. DAMN IT BIFFORD!