LIVE! January 14th, 2014 From Some Abandoned Field in America
The OCW logo flashes onto the screen as canned laughter from the Cosby Show sounds, for some odd reason. We hear and audible “fuck!” from the truck as the canned laughter ceases. It is instantly followed up by insane cheers and applause.
Blackness rises to light, we find ourselves staring at a large field with hundreds of folding chairs, all pointed towards a giant stage. On stage, Coconut Pete, dressed for a day at the beach, sings a few of his favorite tunes. His body shivers cause, ya know, it’s like January. He finally comes to an end and steps off the stage as a couple of young people rush up and place a couple rounds of black cat fireworks down. They light them...POP POP POP POP, they all smack around like crazy.
Our view zooms around as the shivering people in their shabby lawn furniture clap and cheer as the show is under way! Our viewpoint turns to our broadcast team of Smith and Hood. Hood is downing some whiskey, staying warm, while Smith applies lip balm to his chappening lips.
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to the 2014 awards show!
Hood: IN JANUARY OF 2015
Smith: Yes, it is 2015...how has your new year been, Hood?
Hood: Fan-fucking-tastic.
Smith: Excellent...folks, tonight we will present several awards, induct a few hall of famers and witness OCW’s final match until, well
Hood: Whenever Dean gets off his medication and decides to open this bitch back up.
Smith: Indeed! Now, before we get underway, I’d like to run down the Hall of Fame inductees. We are announcing seven, to be exact. Four from the new era, three from the old.
Hood: The Hall is getting kind of crowded, may need to expand it into like, I don’t know, a warehouse. The Warehouse of Fame.
Smith: Haha! Indeed! According to OCW owner, Dean...he said the seven inductees embody everything OCW stands for.
Hood: Well, let’s fucking hope so...it is the Warehouse of Fame, after all. Not like we are tossing people into the Warehouse of Just-Okay
Smith: Right...so, without further ado...
~Trumpets sound as Zombie Earl appears from out of nowhere, pulling a chariot carrying The Big Bifford. He is holding out a human arm, dangling it in front of Earl as the zombie trudges forward, towards the stage. They reach the stage as Biff secures the appendage, just above Earl’s head, to keep him stationary. Biff makes his way up the three steps required to reach the stage before taking a moment to rest and catch his breath. Once he has recuperated, Biff stands behind the podium and makes an announcement~
The Big Bifford: As President of OCW, I hereby decree that I, Bifford, will be announced as the NEW OCW World Champion tonight.
~Boos reign down on Bifford before a “Mack O’Connor” chant breaks out. The fans recognizing OCW’s last World Champion and Last Man Standing champion. Bifford rolls his eyes~
The Big Bifford: I don’t know who this McRobber guy is you all seem to like, but I’d appreciate it if you showed me some respect!
~ “Vagabond” by The Greenskeepers plays throughout the semi-desolate field as Skytz the Pimp, dressed as Mack O’Connor, emerges with a replica OCW World Title over his shoulder and a mic in his hand~
Mick O’Connor: Not so fast, Bifford...ha, more like CLIFFORD...the big red dickfag! I, Mick O’Connor, am the OCW World Champion.
~Bifford smirks~
Bifford: Is that so?
Mick: It is
Bifford: Is it?
Mick: Mmmhmmm
Bifford: Uh Huh?
Mick: Oh yea
Bifford: Hmm
Mick: Yea?
Bifford: Match
Mick: K
~Mick drops his mic and heads for the stage as Bifford takes a step back, waiting on the imposter~
Smith: What is going on?
Hood: If I understand Mick-ese...then I think these two just agreed on a match for the OCW World Title!
Smith: They can’t do that, that’s not even Mick O’Connor!
Hood: Hey, it has been awhile since I brushed up on the Mickese vernacular, so I could be mistaken. Perhaps Mick is offering his body up to Zombie Earl.
Smith: His name is Skytz, okay?
Hood: Huh? Who is Skytz?
Smith: The backstage pimp interv...ya know what? Nevermind.
~Mick steps on stage and holds his title up high and in Biff’s face. Biff sneezes, Mick falls down and is out cold. Biff places his large foot on Mick’s face as he stomps with his other foot~
1!
2!
3!!!
~Predator slithers out from behind the stage with a mic in his hand~
Predator: Here is your winner...and the NEW OCW WORLD CHAMPION...THE BIG BIFFORD!!!!!
~Predator grabs Biff’s arm and lifts it up. His free hand starts to massage Biff’s manboobs...Biff shoves Predator away, grabs his title and hops back into his chariot, riding off into the, umm, sunset. Predator drags Mick’s lifeless body away~
Hood: You know it’s going to be a great show when Predator returns!
Smith: Yes, OCW’s ring announcer slash molester.
Hood: But, in even BIFFER news, Biff is out new World Champion! After ten years, finally, The Biff has returned to the top of the mountain!
Smith: I’m not even going to begin to get into how and why everything you just said is completely inaccurate. All I’m going to say, for the people just now tuning in is that Mack O’Connor is our World Champion, not Biff.
Hood: Fag
Smith: Ugh...well, folks, it’s time to unveil our first Hall of Fame announcement
Hood: You think it might be 2015 World Champion Bifford?
Smith: He’s already in the Hall!
Hood: Yea, old Bifford is...but not 2015 World Champion Biff
Smith: Ugh, whatever...let’s get to the announcement.
~Our screen shifts back in time to a moment long ago. ~ “Aenema” by Tool begins playing and the fans stand and watch as Titan 3 makes his way down to the ring area~
Warrick: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome OCW superstar, Titan 3!!!
Voice Over: One of the greatest legends in professional wrestling, Titan 3, entered into OCW after having conquered both GCWA and ICWF. With little fanfare, the all business, no-nonsense athlete threw his hat in the ring against such charismatic, goofy icons as Silverfreak, Scott Syren, Andy Murray and The Big Bifford.
In stepping out of his comfort zone, Titan 3 proved that he was more than just a menacing presence. He showed his versatility, dominating OCW as he had every previous federation. Titan 3 won every title in OCW he ever aimed for, culminating in a World Title win over Kreller Masters. Tonight, Titan 3 clears the final hurdle in front of him, tonight, Titan 3 enters the OCW Hall of Fame.
~The crowd goes wild with several ‘T3!’ chants breaking out. We settle back on Smith and Hood~
Smith: Well deserved, Titan 3 is the standard of excellence. What all professional wrestlers should aspire to emulate.
Hood: Remember that time the MoB raped...
Smith: PLEASE! *composes self* Can we simply focus on the achievements of one of the greatest stars in OCW history and not some cheap move to get heat in a meaningless feud?
Hood: Ugh, fine, yea, Titan 3 was fucking badass and all that jazz.
Smith: Thank you
~The crowd reacts as Pauly Shore makes his way to the ring with an award and envelope in his hand. He is wearing a giant pancho along with a sombrero, fake mustache and designer jeans. He gets behind the podium~
Pauly Shore: Heyyyyy everyone! Ahuhuh
~The crowd does not laugh~
Pauly Shore: So, before I hand out the award for 2014 Newcomer of the Year...I’d just like to say that, the other day, I walked in on these two, old people have sex and, it was gross! Fucking gross, skin was all wrinkled, grunty noises...just disgusting! I mean, instead of sex, they should have called it Old People Fucking! Right? Haha...yea, I know...ahhh, good times. Anyway...here are the nominees for OCW Newcomer of the Year.
Itsumade!
PerZag!
Kenshin Takamura!
Mia Stone!
And...the winner is.......PERZAG!!!!
~Predator slides a cardboard cutout of PerZag onto the stage. Shore pats the cutout on the back before carrying it off the stage~
Smith: PerZag is the Newcomer of the Year, well deserved.
Hood: Fuck, Pauly Shore needs better material.
Smith: Agreed
~The crowd reacts once more as Ronald McDonald heads up on stage, ready to deliver an award~
Ronald McDonald: Fries are in the back, for those interested. Now, ahem...allow me to the privilege to announce this year’s Most Improved wrestler! The nominees are...
Roach!
Bob Grenier!
Danny B!
Sean Fuller!
And the award goes to...BOB GRENIER!!!!!
~Predator slides a cardboard cutout of Grenier onto the stage. Accepting the award~
Ronald McDonald: Now, I’d just like to speak for a moment about penguin awareness. As most of you know, Penguins are being slaughtered at an alarming rate. Some think it has to do with their neat looking fur like exterior...others believe it’s due to that horrible Penguins of Madagascar movie...whatever the case, we need to bring more awareness of this issue to...
~Suddenly, Grimace appears on stage, dropkicking Ronald off. He then looks side to side before sprinting off. Seconds later, Ehud of Moab runs across the stage, shaking his fist. We cut back to Smith and Hood~
Smith: Well, I don’t know about you, but I fully intend on donating a few bucks to the Penguin cause.
Hood: Fuck no, like I’m going to listen to some afro clown. It is nice to see Grimace and Ehud still have their little cat and mouse game going.
Smith: You have to hand it to Ehud, he is extremely wise to Grimace’s ways.
Hood: Yea, fucker just appears out of thin air and Ehud is right on his tail.
Smith: Indeed! Well, folks, it’s time to introduce our next Hall of Famer this evening...
~ “Hey Ladies” by Beastie Boys begins playing and the fans cheer as they see a video of El Linchador making his way to the ring from the past~
Voiceover: The only man to legitimately challenge Silverfreak for OCW’s most Charismatic label, El Linchador came into OCW during a wave of talent. Joining with the likes of Bifford, Maurako, Paras and Josh Allen, El Linchador stood out from the pack due to his zany antics, over the top actions and, most importantly, impeccable in-ring skills.
Fans today still remember El Linchador, or Linchy, as they like to call him, as one of the cornerstones of the second OCW era. El Linchador represents everything OCW stands for, a five tool talent. Linchy’s career reached its zenith when he defeated fellow Hall of Famer, Silver Cyanide, to become the OCW World Champion on Monday Night Massacre. Tonight, El Linchador finally joins his peers, entering into the OCW Hall of Fame.
~The fans explode with cheers and chants for ‘Linchy!’ break out. We settle back on the announce team~
Smith: So excited to see Linchy finally enter the Hall!
Hood: Yea, while he catered to the fans and, ya know how that makes me fucking sick, the guy was pretty fucking good. So, okay, he can totally hang in the Warehouse.
Smith: Indeed!
~An Elvis Impersonator shakes and rattles his way down to the stage. Standing behind the podium~
Not-Elvis: Thank ya...thank ya vury much...now, the *points* nominees for Most Underrated Wrestler of 2014.
Amber Ryan!
Alice Knight!
MJ Bell!
And...the winner is...ALICE KNIGHT!!!!!
~Predator slides a cardboard cutout of Alice Knight onto the stage, accepting the award. Elvis starts to dance, but falls off stage, grabbing his hip in pain. Tommy FLAMER comes from out of nowhere and runs off with Pressley’s body~
Smith: I guess it wouldn’t be a yearly awards show if Flamer didn’t try to rape something.
Hood: Fucking Flamer, that guy so needs to be in the Warehouse.
Smith: We do have one more announcement for old timers
Hood: Oh, fucking please let it be Flamer...it’s, like, the thing I want most as of, you know, well, today.
Smith: Right
~The midgets from the plane match between Xavier and Kobra rush up onto stage. They were last seen gangbanging Siren. Oh, and, yea, Siren is with them. They are all hanging onto her super long legs as she stands behind the podium~
Siren: It has been a long year...I never knew midgets could be so satisfying. I mean, sure, one may not due the trick, but a gang of midgets? You would not believe how great my night sleeps have been since Dean fired me. But, hey, that’s besides the point...I’m here to...oohh!!
~She slaps a midget’s hand away, as it rode a little too high up her skirt~
Siren: Sorry about that...here are the nominees for Best Angle of 2014!
Carey/Maurako/Dean/OCW!
MJ Turning and Hooking up with Ian!
Danny B and Amber Ryan teaming!
Danny B’s cash in!
And, the winner is...MJ BELL TURNING HEEL AND HOOKING UP WITH IAN!!!!!
~Predator slides two cardboard cut outs...one of MJ and another of Ian. They receive their awards. Predator removes the cardboard cut outs, but lingers, placing a tender hand on Siren’s shoulder. She smiles. The midgets become engulfed with RAGE. They attack Predator...Predator fights them off, a huge fucking brawl is taking place as we cut back to the announce table~
Smith: While that gets sorted out, let’s take a look at our final old school inductee into the OCW Hall of Fame!
~ We hear “Smooth Criminal” by Alien Ant Farm, begins playing and the fans go crazy as they see taped footage of Josh Allen making his way to the ring~
Voiceover: Josh Allen was the definition of a rookie when he joined OCW back in early 2001. He had no connections, was not recruited by a current member, he simply joined up with no allegiances or allies. Allen would rally off ten straight wins, dominating the LightWeight division. Finally, he received his World Title shot against The Great One. Despite coming up short, it was clear Allen would be a force for years to come.
Allen would finally capture that elusive World Title against Goldie at Tuesday Night Massacre. But, the greatest achievement of Allen’s career would come later as, alongside fellow Hall of Famer Andy Murray, Allen would carry OmegaCW through an incredible eight month reign, forever cementing his legacy as a pillar in OCW’s history. Tonight, a night many OCW fans never thought would come, Josh Allen enters a shrine which lacked credibility without him. Tonight, Josh Allen is, finally, a Hall of Famer.
~The fans in attendance stand up and give Allen a long applause. Showing respect for his contributions~
Smith: Say what you want about Allen, the guy did more for this company than most will ever know. I am overjoyed he’s where he belongs.
Hood: Yea, fucking guy was good at everything...even graphics...did you know that?
Smith: I, umm, I’m not sure we’re supposed to mention that on air.
Hood: Eh, fuck it...it’s not like we have another show coming up, right?
Smith: Indeed!
~B-Minus makes his way, still kind of bionic. He steps onto stage and speaks~
B-Minus: Hello!! How is everyone? I’m doing great! Despite cheap metal comprising, like, half my body, life couldn’t be better. But, hey, we’re not here to talk about my bionic body or that ridiculous loss I suffered at Total Demolition. Nope, I’m here to announce the Best Finisher of 2014! The nominees are...
La Omerta!
The Super-EGO Kick!
Pryde Cometh Before the Fall!
Falcon Fire Splash!
And, the winner is....LA OMERTA!!!!!
~Predator slides a cardboard cutout of Mario Maurako onto the stage, accepting the award. B-Minus waves to the fans as the giant fucking magnet from a previous OCW show when Syren won a TV Title battle royal appears. B-Minus flies from the stage and is instantly stuck to the magnet, as it is wheeled off~
Smith: Umm, continuity, I guess?
Hood: Well, we had to figure out a way to get that fucking guy off the stage.
Smith: Indeed...
~Gruff appears and hustles down to the stage. He slides onto the stage and counts to three before hopping to his feet and laughing~
Gruff: Haha, like old times, right? Man, I miss this place...life, well, it’s just not been the same with, ya know, without a job.
~Gruff breaks down and begins sobbing, obviously depressed over being hopelessly unemployed. Scruff appears and offers Gruff a half eaten cracker. Gruff chomps down as Scruff takes control~
Scruff: And, the nominees for Heel of the Year are...
PerZag!
Ian Bishop!
Mario Maurako!
Chad Vargas!
And, the winner is...IAN BISHOP!!!!!
~Predator slides a cardboard cutout of Bishop onto the stage, taking the award. He then places his arm around Gruff, escorting him behind the stage as Scruff rushes off, to nowhere important~
Smith: Not sure Gruff is going to find what he’s looking for behind the stage with Predator.
Hood: Ya never know
Smith: True...and how about Ian Bishop winning Heel of the Year?
Hood: Was there any fucking doubt?
Smith: I don’t know, I thought Maurako stood a decent chance
Hood: Longevity, Smith...Maurako disappeared before Total Demolition, remember the car trunk fiasco?
Smith: Oh yea, I wonder if he ever escaped?
Hood: *shrugs*
Smith: Right...well, folks, it’s time to induct a Hall of Famer from the new era of OCW...
~We cut to a shot from Black Out 2. The crowd begins to buzz with excitement, knowing what is about to take place. The beginning piano chords of “Good Old Fashioned Nightmare” by Matt and Kim blasts the ring area as there are some loud cheers …and a small section of boos from hardcore wrestling fans …throughout the area. Brianna Casablancas appears with the wide smile on her face and a whole lot of enthusiasm as she enters the ringside area. She is wearing her robe as she waves at all of the people standing around. As she makes her way down to the ring, she takes her time making small talk with the fans, giving advice, shaking hands, and even signing autographs. She climbs up the steel steps and, on the apron, undoes her robe to reveal her dark blue tow piece wrestling gear with matching elbow, knee pads and boots. She takes off the robe and leaves it on the apron. She climbs inbetween the ropes and immediately goes to the turnbuckle to play up to her fans again. She hops off into the middle of the ring and awaits for her match to begin with her wide eyes and joyful smile
Voiceover: Three things make up an OCW Hall of Famer. Dedication, Charisma and Talent. Brianna Casablancas was as dedicated to OCW as any superstar in its history. While everyone is well aware of her accomplishments inside the ring, it’s what Brianna did outside of the ring, behind the scenes, that truly separated her from everyone else.
Brianna was a major reason for OCW’s success through Total Demolition. Despite her untimely and controversial departure, her accomplishments cannot and will not be ignored. Tonght, OCW is proud to induct Brianna Casablancas into the Hall of Fame.
~The fans in attendance show their respect for Brianna, standing and clapping~
Smith: Well deserved, while not my favorite, she belongs.
Hood: The fuck is Dean on these days, happy pills? Way too much forgiveness here.
Smith: Look at it from, strictly, a talent perspective.
Hood: Ugh, whatever, yea, I guess...but can we make like a sub-wing in the Warehouse of Fame for people like Brianna?
Smith: NO!
Hood: Blah!
~Perfect timing, Brianna’s fake father that Ian tortured makes his way to the stage. He speaks~
Fake Brianna Dad: I was afraid to show up, ya know, seeing as every time I’m on OCW TV I get beat up and stuff. But, hey, after I saw the cardboard cut outs of wrestlers, I knew I’d be okay. First off, congrats Brianna! Second...let’s get down to business and announce the 2014 Face of the Year! The nominees are...
Dangerous Dan!
Danny B!
Kenshin Takamura!
Bobbinette Carey!
And, the winner is...DANNY B!!!!!
~Predator slides a cardboard cutout of Danny B on stage, accepting the award. Gruff screams and runs away, holding his ass. Brianna’s fake dad seems uneasy about what is about to happen, so he hops off the stage and accidentally places his hand on the giant boob of a female at stage-side. Her roided up boyfriend proceeds to beat the shit out of him~
Smith: Well, things certainly took a turn for the worst
Hood: Brianna’s fake dad is such a dumbass, haha! He can take a beating, though
Smith: Indeed! Well, folks, time for another Hall of Fame announcement!
~We cut to taped footage. The drums entrance of “ Soul Wars” by AWOLNATION begins to play through the P.A system as smoke begins to flood the entrance ramp. Immediately the crowd begins to cheer as MJ emerges out from smoke walking with a confident smirk on her face and the OCW Southern Championship raised in the air. Behind MJ emerges Kenshin Takamura who is seen limping from the beatdown he received earlier. As MJ makes her way to the ring she interacts with the crowd giving out hand-fives. She climbs up onto the apron before moving between the ropes that is opened up by Kenshin into ring. Both of her arms lift in the air only encouraging the reactions from the crowd before shouting “Burn It down!” which gains a pop from the crowd. She leans against the ropes with a grin across her features waiting for the match to begin~
Voiceover: MJ Bell joined OCW as a rookie, in the truest form of the word, during the month of February, or maybe March. Rest assured, it was early in OCW’s tenure. She started fast and never looked back, reaching the highest of heights, claiming the OCW World Title...the first new champion since Scott Syren won the championship nearly ten years ago.
The dedication and improvement MJ showed throughout the course of her career will never be forgotten. Neither will her dysfunctional relationship with fellow Hall of Famer, Ian Bishop. Two wrestlers forever linked in OCW history are now re-united in the OCW Hall of Fame. Welcome to the Hall, MJ Bell.
~We cut back to Smith and Hood as the crowd cheers loudly for one of their all time favorites, chanting “MJ! MJ!”~
Smith: I know alot of people don’t like to recognize her World Title win, but it happened...so, get over it.
Hood: We sure had a lot of issues with champions quitting, didn’t we?
Smith: Indeed, a common theme, apparently.
Hood: Yea, oh well, she deserves it...even if she has orange hair.
Smith: What does THAT have to do with anything
Hood: I’m just saying, orange hair, it’s, ya know, not natural.
Smith: Obviously
~The Progressive Girl makes her way to the stage. She speaks~
Progressive Girl: Hey, everyone! I’m the super, not really that cute but people say I’m cute anyway, Progressive Girl, Flo! or Fleaux...maybe Flough...or perhaps Flow...whatever the case, I’m her! And I’m here to announce the 2014 Feud of the Year!! The nominees are...
Ian Biship vs. Mia Stone vs. MJ Bell
Pryde vs. Kenshin Takamura
Ian Biship vs. Brianna Casablancas
Ehud of Moab vs. Grimace
And, the winner is....IAN BISHOP VS BRIANNA CASABLANCAS!!!!!
~Predator slides cardboard cutouts of Ian and Brianna onto the stage, accepting their awards. Once finished, the Geico Gecko, Cavemen and Pig appear. The Gecko has a pair of brass knuckles, the Cavemen have archaic bats and the Pig has a pistol. Flo/Fleaux/Flow/Flough appears flustered as we heard the Gecko yell out “You’re not even bloody funny, attractive or the least bit interesting...fucking die!” the big screams ‘weeee!!’ and they begin assaulting the Progressive Girl~
Hood: Thank the Lord! I’ve been waiting on this for a long time.
Smith: Ian and Brianna winning feud of the year?
Hood: No, that dumb bitch getting massacred.
Smith: Sad...folks, time to introduce another Hall of Famer!
Hood: Warehouse is getting a bit crowded and, when you consider Biff is already in there, man...
Smith: Shut it!
~We cut to taped footage. ”Oblivion” by M83 featuring – Susanne Sundor begins to play as the fans turn and cheer the rapidly rising fan favorite in OCW, Alice Knight. She makes her way to the ring with a bubbly demeanor. Alice has a small pound in one hand and a wand in the other. She enters into the ring and kind of skips around for no apparent reason. She rushes to the ropes, drops the pouch onto the mat, in the corner and heads to the middle turnbuckle and waves to the fans as her music fades out. She accidentally points the wand at the fans and quickly pulls it back with an apologetic look~
Voiceover: One of the most important factors for a wrestler to succeed in OCW is charisma. While all of OCW’s top stars had charisma, only a certain few exuded the kind of charisma wrestling fans will never forget. Silverfreak, El Linchador, Big Bifford, Scott Syren and, Alice Knight.
Alice Knight and OCW go together like strawberries and suicide. Never in the history of OCW has someone made such an impact without the help of a championship. Whether it was her zany run with Brianna, epic match against Roach or TransAtlantic Title win over Ana Archia, Alice Knight is, without a doubt, an OCW Hall of Famer. Welcome to the Hall, Alice Knight.
~The crowd throws food onto the stage, as a show of appreciate for Alice Knight~
Smith: One of a kind, that’s for sure.
Hood: The Warehouse is pretty fucking weird, ya know? Bifford, Syren, Freak, Linchy and now Alice? Geez...are we sure it isn’t an Asylum of sorts?
Smith: Could be, you never know
~Super Creepy Rob Lowe makes his way to the stage~
Super Creepy Rob Lowe: I took a cab ride up here, offered the guy a handy instead of fare. I don’t mind giving handy’s to strangers, friends or even family members. But, anyway, that’s not why I’m here...I’m here to announce the 2014 Charismatic Wrestler of the Year award...so, the nominees are...
Danny B!
Bob Grenier!
PerZag!
Alice Knight!
And, the winner is...ALICE KNIGHT!!!!!
~Predator slides the Alice Knight cardboard cutout onto the stage, accepting the award. Super Creepy Rob Lowe grabs the cardboard cutout and runs off with it~
Smith: Well, I guess Alice won’t be winning any other awards.
Hood: Is it just me, or is Super Creepy Rob Lowe kinda creepy?
Smith: Seriously?
Hood: What? I’m paid to give a professional, trained eye observation...that’s what I’m doing.
Smith: A blind chimp could have stated that...I mean, creepy is part of his name for Zeus sake!
Hood: ARE HADES AND ZEUS HERE??
Smith: I certainly hope not...folks, it’s time to announce our seventh and final Hall of Fame member for 2014
~We cut to taped footage. “Dangerous” by Within Temptation begins to play with Fuller in the cage and Celeste standing next to him. Pryde emerges from behind the curtain as he heads straight for the ring displaying zero emotion. He is focused intently on the ring…the cage surrounding it and Fuller on the inside. Pryde walks the ramp across the ocean, hops into the cage and stares Fuller down as his music comes to a close
Voiceover: The masked man, the mysterious man...the pinnacle of excellence in OCW, Pryde rose to the top of OCW as fast as any wrestler in its history. Unlike most others, once he reached the top, he never let go.
Finishing his career with an undefeated record, Pryde ran through such adversaries as fellow Hall of Famer Mario Maurako, Kenshin Takamura and Sean Fuller. He also formed the greatest stable in OCW’s 2014 run when he joined up with Scott Syren and PerZag, creating Operation Zero. Tonight, perhaps more deserving than any other, Pryde takes his rightful spot in the most sacred portion of the OCW landscape. Tonight, the OCW Hall of Fame welcomes its Southern Champion, Pryde.
~The crowd gives a huge ovation for the masked man known as Pryde~
Smith: Put Pryde up against any OCW Hall of Famer and I’m not sure he ever loses.
Hood: I think Lurrr could take him.
Smith: How do you know? The guy has never lost...he’s retired as an undefeated champion.
Hood: So did Itsumade.
Smith: Oh come on, that’s different!
Hood: Not technically
Smith: Sheesh
~Kabuki Jo appears and makes his way to the stage~
Kabuki Jo: So, did you guys hear the rumor that LeBron James is in talks with OCW to take on Brianna Casablancas as the next Monday Night Massacre? Or, how about this juicy tidbit, apparently MJ Bell has decided orange is so last year and, therefore, is dying her hair blue? Ah, and this interesting factoid, apparently Sean Fuller is having a sex change so he can become more like Ana Archia. Speaking of Ana Archia, I’m being told she has landed a role in the next Jason Statham action filmed called “Intense Velocity High Volume CRASH”. For more rumors, please stop by and talk to me after the show...no, seriously, please do...I’m so...lonely. Ahem, anyway, here are the nominees for Match of the Year!
Brianna Casablancas vs. Ian Bishop at Resurrection
Ian Bishop vs. Mia Stone vs. MJ Bell at Clash at the Coast
Pryde vs. Kenshin Takamura at Total Demolition
Brianna Casablancas vs. Ian Bishop II at Black Out, umm, 2
And, the winner is...Brianna Casablancas vs. Ian Biship 2 at Black Out 2!!!!!
~Predator slides Ian and Brianna cutouts onto the stage, accepting their awards~
Smith: Well deserved, that match was insane.
Hood: It was, I, personally, would have given it to Syren/Kenshin from Black Out 2.
Smith: Well, you have to actually win the Monthly award to have a shot at the yearly achievement.
Hood: Sounds like a bunch of malarkey to me!
Smith: Sure...well, folks, we have a special treat for you, before we announce this year’s Wrestler of the Year. Let’s take you back to Lanikai Beach, site of last year’s Clash at the Coast, where Dean and Lurrr are waiting, inside what remains of the steel cage.
~We cut to the beach as Dean and Lurrr are inside a wrestling ring, surrounded by what remains of the steel cage, after it had been struck by lightning during the Syren/Vargas/Grenier match. It’s rusted, from all the rain and wear/tear over the past few months, plus missing several portions, due to the lightning strike. It looks very disheveled and dangerous. Standing in between Dean and Lurrr is OCW Hall of Famer, D Double D. He’s wearing a ref shirt and holding the most impressive wrestling belt ever fashioned. It’s huge, the primary portion is pentagon shaped with the letters “HOF” spelled out in diamonds, embedded into a pure gold background. Dean, with a mic in his hand, speaks~
Dean: If this is our last show, we are not going down with Biff pinning some fake Mack O’Connor. Nope, we’re going to end things where they began, Dean vs. Lurrr. On the line? The OCW Hall of Fame championship...a title I tried pushing during our last run, unfortunately, it never materialized. Mostly due to The Great One refusing to feud with Scott Syren for an epic Syren/TGO match at Black Out 2 for the Hall of Fame Title...oh well, better late than never. Folks, tonight, watch, for the first time in nearly a decade, as Dean and Lurrr square off for a title that cost, well, somewhere in the realm of half a million dollars!
~Dean hurls the mic out of the ring as D Double D motions for the bell. Jones, one of OCW’s many announcers, rings it as the match is underway~
Jones: Hey guys, it’s me, Jones, here to announce this match alongside a couple of OCW newcomers...Brother D and Killface.
Killface: Jolly great to be here.
Brother D: I’m fucking stoked!
Jones: Right, now...why Dean is hiring new announcers when the fed is closed is something I cannot explain, but, whatever.
~Dean and Lurrr quickly lock up with Dean instantly hooking Lurrr in a side headlock. Lurrr punches away into Dean’s side, attempting to loosen some of the pressure. Lurrr attempts to lift Dean up, but Dean’s size and strength are too much for him to pull a maneuver like that off so early in the match. Lurrr throws a few jags into Dean’s abdomen, Dean responds with a couple of swift punches into Lurrr’s face. Lurrr quickly realizes a few more punches like that could have serious consequences, so he rushes Dean into the ropes, whipping him off them. Dean releases the hold, sprinting across the ring, bouncing off the ropes as Lurrr leapfrogs Dean. Dean catches Lurrr in the air, and looks for a spinebuster, but Lurrr hooks Dean’s head, trying for a DDT. Dean blocks it and tosses Lurrr in the air, Lurrr flies high, nearly eight feet into the air before landing on his stomach, hard! Lurrr clutches his abs and rolls around~
Jones: Great action and counter action there...both Hall of Famers obviously know what they are doing.
Killface: I say, that chap flew rather high, do you think such a thing is safe inside a dilapidated metallic contraption?
Jones: No, then again, nothing in OCW is what a normal person would deem ‘safe’.
Brother D: Kinda like eating pussy for breakfast!
Jones: Uh, sure
~Dean rips Lurrr off the canvas and whips him into a corner, Lurrr hits hard! His impact causes a few pieces of cage to fall away, into the ocean. Dean rushes in and drills Lurrr with a huge lariat! Dean steps back as Lurrr staggers towards him...Dean grabs Lurrr, flips him around and drills him into the mat with a Tilt-o-Whirl Slam!! Lurrr hits hard! Dean pops back to his feet as he drops a couple of quick legs across Lurrr’s chest and neck. Dean then remains on his knees and goes to work on Lurrr, slamming him with multiple fists into the forehead as Lurrr’s legs kick wildly~
Jones: OCW’s owner and Hall of Famer, Dean, is in total control. I wonder how the public would view the first ever Hall of Fame champion being Dean?
Killface: If the bloke earns it, then I say no sour grapes.
Brother D: Sour pussy is the worst! You can’t eat that up with a spoon!
Jones: What is WRONG with you?
Killface: He’s a little enamored on the female genitalia, wouldn’t you say?
Jones: I would
~Dean has Lurrr back on his feet and crushes his midsection with a few stiffly placed knees. Lurrr is rocking against the ropes and, conversely, the cage. Dean whips Lurrr off the ropes, Lurrr hits the other ropes, flying off of them, Dean goes for a big boot, but Lurrr catches Dean’s leg! Dean hops on one leg as Lurrr quickly spins down, twisting Dean’s knee with a Dragon Screw!! Dean clutches his knee in pain~
Jones: Great move by the smaller, less muscular Lurrr! He’s got to get Dean off his feet somehow.
Killface: That’s one way to harm an appendage, I say, this is a fairly brutal sport, isn’t it?
Jones: It can be
Brother D: You know what that move makes me want to do?
Jones: What’s that, Brother D?
Brother D: It makes me want to take that nookie and toss it....to the cookie.
Jones: What...that...that doesn’t even make any sense!
Brother D: I love pussy
~Lurrr makes it to his feet with Dean on one knee, protecting his vulnerable joint. Lurrr dropkicks Dean in the side of the head, the big man falls over to his side. Lurrr steps back into a corner, as Dean is lying in the middle of the ring. Lurrr hops onto the second rope, he leaps off with a second rope Guillotine Leg Drop, crushing the side of Dean’s head with his leg!! The ring jars from impact as more pieces of cage drop into the ocean. D Double D looks around, fearing the cage could fall on them~
Killface: Hardly fair conditions for such an event, a dangerous workplace if I’ve ever seen one.
Jones: Yea, but Dean is in there, so, in a way, I guess he’s showing that if he can do it, anyone in OCW can do it.
Killface: True, but isn’t this place closed?
Jones: It is, therefore, nobody else will have to.
Brother D: Damaged cage just like damaged pussy, you can’t sip that up with a straw!
Jones: A straw?
Killface: Like one of those colorful straws?
Brother D: A Vaginastraw.
Jones: Of course
~Lurrr returns to his feet, pulling Dean to his. He whips Dean into the ropes, Dean locks his arms around the top rope, preventing his body from whipping off. Lurrr rushes in and he spears Dean into the ropes and the cage!!! Several pieces of cage fall in and out of the ring as Lurrr staggers back. Dean falls to his knees, holding his midsection in pain. Lurrr, with his hand on top of his head, removes it and looks at a bloody palm~
Jones: A jagged piece of cage must have punctured the top of Lurrr’s head!
Killface: I haven’t seen this much blood since
Brother D: I ate that virgin pussy on prom night, like a strawberry milkshake!
Killface: I was going to say Normandy, Double-ya Double-ya two...but, sure.
Jones: You were in World War 2?
Killface: I was there, yes.
Jones: That was like eighty years ago.
Killface: I am Killface, I am ageless.
Jones: Yikes
~A few trickles of bloody drop down Lurrr’s face as, it becomes obvious, he has a fairly nasty gash on top of his head. With the Hall of Fame title at stake, Lurrr gives it little care. Instead, he lines Dean up, hoping to nail the Wake up Call as Dean is slowly returning to his feet. Dean reaches a standing position as Lurrr throws his signature Superkick at Dean, Dean catches the leg! He hurls it back, Lurrr back flips into a standing position. He sprints at Dean, Dean responds by lunching forward and turning Lurrr inside out with a HUGE lariat!! Lurrr’s body is motionless on the mat as, well, if there were fans, they’d be cheering~
Jones: Pure, raw strength exhibited by Dean!
Killface: He has some massive pipes, doesn’t he? A true specimen, kind of like Alexander the Great. You know him, right?
Jones: Well, not personally.
Killface: The man could squash a grapefruit with two fingers. Most impressive fruit centered talent I’ve ever seen. He also had a tremendous singing voice, something the scribes never thought to mention.
Brother D: I like to eat that pussy out of a fruit jar!
Jones: Annnnd Brother D ruins it.
Killface: Is the lad on any sort of medication?
Jones: We can only hope
~Dean pulls Lurrr back to his feet and whips him into a nearby corner, Lurrr slams hard. Dean rushes in, going for a huge splash, but Lurrr ducks! He lifts Dean in the air, launching him like a torpedo into the corner of the cage!! Dean crushes into it, smashing a giant hole into the cell, leaving him hanging from a few dangling portions, to keep from falling onto the ramp or into the ocean. Lurrr climbs the top rope and grabs both of Dean’s dangling legs. He pulls and pulls until Dean let’s go...Lurrr then falls back from the top, catapulting Dean back into the ring!! The big man flies across the ring, clotheslining himself over the top rope!! He grabs his throat, coughing in pain, writhing around on the mat. Lurrr, meanwhile, took a pretty nasty fall himself, slamming the back of his head into the mat...he remains, down, holding the back of his head in pain~
Jones: Huge impact! I’ve never seen a move quite like that in my life.
Killface: Reminds me of the time Achilles and Menelaus got into a brawl over some prawns. Achilles threw him nearly a hundred yards through the air...now that’s something Homer never thought to recite.
Jones: I wonder why
Killface: Because Homer is a fascist pig.
Jones: Did fascism even exist back then?
Killface: You know, when you’re ageless, it all kind of blends together.
Jones: I’d imagine
Brother D: I wanna slap that pussy with a fly swatter!
Jones: I’m sure there’s a video or fetish out there, featuring that very act.