LIVE! Thursday, October 17th, 2024
From the Haunted OCW HQ in Key West
Episode 7 - "Welcome to the Family"
Another week and another cold open. Wait, is this a cold open? I mean we’re in Canada so, yea, we’ll just call it a cold open.
“This is as far as I can take you.”
“Well that’s not good.”
Zybala’s voice is filled with his concern as his vision is consumed by a large, dense, cold forest just outside the backseat window of his uber ride. Snow covered mountains are visible in the distance.
“I can take you back into town. Wouldn’t be no shame in giving up.”
He mulls it over until he sees a familiar vehicle abandoned closer to the forest.
“Is that the car that cut us off at the airport?”
“Looks to be the same model, yea.”
“Strange things are afoot at the Circle J.”
“Excuse me?”
Zybala super kicks the door open and steps out.
“Where I’m going I don’t need roads.”
“Suit yourself.”
Before Zybala shuts the door, he leans in for one final comment.
“Tell the world my story.”
The uber driver gives a half hearted nod before driving away. Mike approaches the woods...he takes in a deep breath of cold, Canadian air before plunging deep into the trees. And then…
Smith: Ladies and Gentlemen, so sorry to interrupt that intro which is entirely focused on our next event but I’m here at the location for Cursed Countdown and we have quite the development on our hands.
~We get a shot of the house. A police chief stands in front of the house with lower level officers at his side. They are clearly blocking the entrance. Puffer pleads with the man as LCP, Vhodka, Amby, and, yes, Zombie Marcus are behind him. Fans surround the location booing vociferously.~
Police Chief: I’m sorry but we’ve had too many complaints. Missing people. Ghosts. Attempt to destroy historic property. We cannot allow any further antics to be held within and atop these premises.
~Booo!!!~
Jack Puffer: Officer.
Police Chief: It’s Chief Oswald C. Witherspoon to you!
Jack Puffer: Sorry! We own this land. We own this house. Surely you can let us continue to do our thing at our own risk.
Police Chief: I’m here to emphasize public safety. So Scoot on out of here before I get Cheasy and have my men exert some force.
~Each officer slaps their open hand with a cold night stick. Jack leans back~
LC Pinkston: That’s my home, you dicks! You can’t throw me out of my home!
Police Chief: This is America, buddy. We can do whatever we want.
~Zombie Marcus has heard enough~
Zombie Marcus: Argh!
~You don’t talk to LCP like that. Not in front of Marcus. He shoves through Puffer and LCP and heads for the protective barrier of officers. He gets halfway up the porch steps before he pauses, wearing a puzzled expression~
LC Pinkston: What is it?
Zombie Marcus: Argh.
~Marcus sniffs. Vhodka lifts her arm and smells underneath it~
Amby Brooks: You smell fine.
Vhodka Black: Aw, thanks.
Smith: Amby’s nose is on point.
Hood: Is it?
~Vhodka studies the scene~
Vhodka Black: But do they smell?
~She points at the officers~
Police Chief: I assure you madam that we smell just peachy.
LC Pinkston: Wait. No policeman talks like that.
~LCP and Vhodka approaches, standing side by side with Zombie Marcus. Puffer and Amby take a step forward, behind them. One fan yells, “SHOW YOUR BADGE!” The rest of the fans begin to chant that very phrase~
Smith: I think suspicion is taking hold. These fans think they might be dealing with fake cops!
Hood: Maybe. But how come Zombie Marcus can’t smell them?
Smith: I wouldn’t know. I’ve never studied the olfactory mechanics of the living dead.
~A loud howl sounds from atop the house. Everyone gasps and looks up~
Smith: It’s the man wolf!
Hood: Is he inside or outside the house?
Smith: I don’t know.
~Fans yell and scream. They evade the water as a figure begins to emerge~
Smith: Something’s coming out of the water!
Hood: Is it a mermaid? Can we finally answer the age old question as to whether or not they exist?
Smith: I don’t think many people seriously ask themselves that, Hood.
Hood: People are BLIND!
~Amby turns, glaring at Hood behind her shades~
Hood: Sorry, Miss Brooks.
~The people part near the water and a giant creature emerges, heading for the house. It staggers and stumbles making weird gurgling noises. It spits out a couple of human fingers~
Smith: Eww
Hood: It’s the Creature from the Black Lagoon!
Smith: What’s it doing at an OCW show?
Hood: Hanging out, obviously.
~Puffer and Amby get out of the way. LCP, Vhodka, and Zombie Marcus part. The Creature trudges up the steps toward the Police Chief~
Police Chief: Now listen here. Don’t you go and do anything stupid.
~The Creature towers over the Police Chief~
Police Chief: Oratonic, no!
~The Creature yells and crashes down upon the Police Chief. His officers rush over, beating the Creature with their night sticks. But the Creature is too strong. The front door to the house blasts open. A massive gust of air howls forward, knocking several of the supporting posts over, sending the front porch crashing atop the Creature as the police officers seem to vanish. The fans gasp~
Smith: Oh no! The Creature!
Hood: Oh no let’s all mourn the potential demise of a creature that’s been murdering fans this entire time.
Smith: He’s driving the plot forward, okay? That’s a A player in my book.
Hood: I’d never read your book.
Smith: Zybala would.
~Vhodka, LCP, and Zombie Marcus hurry forward, removing bits of debris until they find the unconscious face of the Creature. It slowly fades away revealing the face of Oratonic~
Smith: Oratonic?!
Hood: Glad we were able to shoe horn him in here at the last second.
Smith: He was cosplaying as The Creature!
Hood: Dude really went method, didn’t he?
~Oratonic’s physical presence turns into spirit as it slowly ascends and fades into the sky. The fans aren’t sure what to do, so they clap. The three remaining competitors stand and see the opened front door. Vhodka eyes LCP. LCP eyes Vhodka. Zombie Marcus eyes nobody~
Zombie Marcus: ARGH!!
~Zombie Marcus charges into the house~
LC Pinkston: Argh!
Vhodka Black: Sounds better when he does it.
~LCP stumbles over some debris before giving Vhodka the finger and entering his temporary abode. Vhodka eyes the house~
Vhodka Black: You really don’t want us in there, do you?
~She reaches for her vibrating hair brush and looks to it for guidance~
Vhodka Black: That’s right. If I can plunge deep into a dead man’s hole I can enter into this cursed house.
~Vhodka heads into the front door. She turns and looks at Puffer~
Vhodka Black: Are you coming?
Jack Puffer: Ya know, I was thinking…
~Amby trips and stumbles over debris. Vhodka takes her hand and helps her inside~
Vhodka Black: C’mon, what’s the worst that could happen?
~A window shatters and some glass flies across the yard, hitting a fan in the throat, sending blood everywhere. The fan collapses, screaming~
Vhodka Black: That...that could happen to anyone, anywhere. Besides, better to be in here and safe than out here and in danger.
~Puffer vacillates~
Vhodka Black: Harvey would come inside.
~Puffer’s eyes become consumed with fire~
Jack Puffer: Say no more! I’M COMING
~Puffer enters the house behind Vhodka as the door slams shut. The fans are left outside to ponder. To wonder what may await them...except for that one fan with the cut throat. He is dead~
Smith: Our competitors, host, and ref are all inside. I hope they can remain safe.
Hood: House seems a little on the defensive.
Smith: I think it’s obvious those ‘cops’ were a ruse by the house to try and prevent this competition from going any further.
Hood: That means it’s vulnerable. That means it knows they can kill it.
Smith: I’d like to say that was the house’s final stand but it’s never that easy.
Hood: Nope, it never is.
Smith: Best of luck to our three warriors and, of course, Amby.
Hood: What about Puffer?
Smith: Yea, him too.
~We cut to a feed inside the house as all five stars of the show stand in the entry way. The house feels more alive than ever. Puffer’s phone goes off~
10:00pm
~He looks at the screen and up at the competitors~
Jack Puffer: Umm...you guys. You guys gotta pick your rooms.
~The three competitors look at each other like this is awkward~
Jack Puffer: Zombie Marcus...you have the advantage from last week so you can observe. But you other two...I don’t know.
LC Pinkston: I got this.
~LCP puts his fingers in his ears and closes his eyes and he starts singing~
Jack Puffer: I guess that’ll work. Classic OCW, baby. Okay, Vhodka. Where you heading?
Vhodka Black: LCP is a bitch.
~She waits. He has no response~
Vhodka Black: Okay. Seems legit. I’ll take the Wine Cellar, Jack.
Jack Puffer: Very good.
~Vhodka heads to the Wine Cellar~
Jack Puffer: LCP.
~LCP is still singing~
Jack Puffer: LEWIS!
~Still singing~
Zombie Marcus: Argh.
~LCP straightens up~
LC Pinkston: Sup?
Jack Puffer: Your turn. Pick a room.
~The house dims. The door to the Wine Cellar illuminates. LCP raises an eyebrow~
LC Pinkston: Yea, I don’t think so. I’ll go over here.
Jack Puffer: The Library?
LC Pinkston: Sure.
~LCP heads into the Library which leaves just Zombie Marcus~
Jack Puffer: Alright, Marcus. You can avoid both or confront them...what would you like?
Zombie Marcus: Argh.
Jack Puffer: Excuse me?
~Zombie Marcus takes a seat~