LIVE! Thursday, October 3rd, 2024
From the Haunted OCW HQ in Key West
Episode 5 - "Prison Changes a Man"
We return to last Monday. The parking lot of OCW HQ, right outside the OCW Arena. We get an exterior shot of the backstage door leading into the OCW offices. It bursts open via a SUPERKICK from Zybala. He charges out, hustling for his car.
“Welsh is alive? There’s no way. Knox is crazy.”
Mike reaches his car and fumbles around with his keys. A giant “OUTSIDERS” key chain is attached to them. He manages to insert the key. Something catches his eye. He looks at his back left tire and sees a knife sticking out of it. His eyes linger on the knife for a second.
“Now how did that get there?”
He reaches for the knife and yanks it out of the tire. Air begins spewing out.
“Crap!”
He tries to put the knife back in but it’s too late. The tire is rapidly deflating. Zybala opens the door, gets in, fires the car up and drives out of the parking lot.
We cut away to a few blocks down the road as Zybala’s car bumps along the street. His back left tire is completely flat and the rim is smashing against the pavement. Cars swerve to miss him. Some honk at him. Mike has both hands on the wheel, leaning forward, remaining focused.
“I’m coming, JIM!”
An exterior shot of Zybala’s car bumping its way down the road is shown. Sparks flying as the rim drags along the pavement. We cut back inside the vehicle, Zybala is as focused as ever. His eyes dart upward and they spot blue and red flashing lights in his rearview mirror.
“No!”
Mike tries to gun it but the car can’t go faster than twenty miles per hour so he gives up and pulls over onto the side of the road. He slams his hands on the dash.
“Hang on, JIM. Hang on.”
---
A shot of an extremely unattractive middle aged woman with more than enough facial hair performing a glamour shot consumes our screen. People at home are on the verge of changing the channel. Like, what the fuck is this?
“I love you, mom.”
The quivering voice of JIM lets us know we’re still watching OCW programming. We pull out and see JIM seated in his computer chair, staring at a photo of his mom. He’s got one wrist cuffed to his chair...his other hand is free. His desk is disgusting. Wrappers and empty soda cans everywhere. Crumbs all over the fuckin place. A toilet flushes and a door opens, Knox walks out.
“Hey! Did I say you could stop?”
Knox smacks JIM in the back of the head. He wipes his hand on the back of JIM’s chair realizing JIM probably doesn’t have the cleanest head of hair in existence. JIM yelps and leans forward, typing away on his keyboard with a photo of Welsh uploaded. The search continues.
---
A knock at the driver’s side window. The window slowly rolls down as Zybala’s smiling face appears.
“Hello officer. How are you today?”
The officer taps a pen against a notepad.
“You were going pretty slow back there. Speed limit is 50.”
Zybala chuckles.
“Oh I’m just admiring the scenery.”
Cop looks over his shoulder and spots a cemetery which is across the street from a funeral home.
“Mhm...what’s going on with that tire back there. It’s completely gone.”
“Oh, is it?”
Mike feigns surprise, leaning out his window and looking back.
“Well what do you know...I guess they don’t make them like they used to, right officer?”
“You couldn’t feel that?”
Zybala laughs and shrugs.
“Right well you’re gonna have to get that fixed.”
“You mind if I go? I’m in a bit of a hurry. A friend is in trouble.”
The cop chews on the inside of his lip for a moment.
“Well, I was gonna let you go with just a warning but...I saw that Outsiders Championship Wrestling sticker so I’m afraid I’m gonna have to give you a ticket and tow your car.”
“Officer!”
“Step out, please.”
A surprised and disappointed Zybala opens his door and steps out.
---
We’re back inside JIM’s shitty home. His breathing is heavier than normal and, trust me, under normal circumstances it’s pretty damn heavy. He wheezes and fumbles around with his mouse. We pull back to see Knox has his hand around the back of JIM’s neck, leaning forward, watching his every move on the computer screen.
“There’s nothing! He’s dead!”
“No he’s not.”
“You’re crazy!”
Knox thrusts his hand forward, smashing JIM’s forehead into his computer desk.
“Oww!”
“Keep looking! He’s out there and you’re gonna find him for me.”
JIM whimpers and continues searching the internet for a man who is most certainly dead.
---
Side of the road in Key West, Mike watches as his car is hooked up to a tow truck and promptly hauled off. His Outsiders bumper sticker fading away in the distance. He looks down at the ticket in his hand and balls it up in his fist, throwing it as far as he can which, given the weight of the object and the Key West breeze, isn’t very fair. It hits the windshield of a tiny car with screeching wheels that comes to an abrupt stop in front of Mike.
Slowly the passenger’s window lowers and a familiar voice is heard.
“Would you like a ride, stranger?”
Mike leans in.
“Uber Man!”
“That’s my name don’t wear it out.”
Zybala howls with laughter slapping the roof of the car.
“Get in!”
Uber unlocks the door. Mike hops into the passenger’s side and turns to his left.
“Take me to JIM’s.”
Uber looks confused.
“But nobody likes JIM.”
“I know but he needs our help. Knox is holding him hostage. If we don’t get there soon something bad could happen.”
Uber looks at Mike as if there must be more information. Mike withholds going further with intel. Uber nods, hits the gas and they peel back out into traffic. Horns blare as Uber swerves in front of cruising vehicles before finding a lane and speeding off. Time is, indeed, of the essence.
---
Through some sniffles and light sobs, JIM uses a photo of Welsh to have AI perform a reverse image search scouring the internet for a likeness.
Knox flicks JIM in the ear.
“Stop whimpering. Act like a man.”
“Are you going to kill me?”
Knox raises an eyebrow.
“You watch too much TV. Locate Welsh and you’ll be fine, probably.”
JIM frowns and continues to whine, resuming his search. Hundreds of photos appear. They all depict the recently deceased Marcus Welsh at OCW and TRIAD events.
“Keep scrolling!”
Knox demands as JIM’s shaking hand works the mouse.
---
“How much further, Ubes?”
“We’re almost there!”
“Look out!!”
A nice looking duck is crossing the road. Uber swerves, avoiding the duck and saving it’s fowl life. Mike and Uber eye one another as if to say “that was a close one.” Uber’s eyes lock back on the road as they barrel into the mediocre subdivision that houses JIM.
---
JIM’s trembling hand continues to scroll. Knox grows impatient and grabs JIM by the back of the head, slamming him face first into the desk before flipping his chair over! JIM tumbles hard onto the floor, crashing into a pile of empty pizza boxes. Knox snares the mouse and does it for himself.
“Fuckin useless.”
He scrolls and scrolls. His speed picking up as though he can sense violence on the horizon. Picture after picture of OCW’s Welsh. TRIAD’s Welsh. How did this guy have time to take so many pictures?
“Hold up.”
Knox pauses and scrolls back up. A black and white photo of Welsh. Or is it? Knox clicks on the photo and it enlarges.
“What the…”
He surveys the photo. It certainly looks like Welsh. But the smile, the clothing...the whole aesthetic couldn’t be more foreign.
“Arthur Cardigan.”
Knox reads the name of the mayor of Frost Hollow. He promptly writes some stuff down on a dirty piece of paper and stuffs it into his pocket. He stands upright and looks down at JIM who is groaning and fighting through pizza boxes. Knox lifts his boot and slams his heel into JIM’s face, putting the man into a still state. He turns and heads for the front door.
---
“This is it!”
Uber yells, coming to a screeching halt outside JIM’s crappy home. Mike struggles with the passenger’s door but gets it open.
“Go get em, Mike!”
Mike slides across the hood of the car.
“He’s so cool.”
Uber is verbally impressed. Mike rushes through the yard before hopping up onto the front porch and reaching for the front door knob. Our view slides through the door to the interior of the house. Knox reaches for the front door knob as well. He pauses, hearing something. A smile crosses Knox’s face. He balls up his fist.
---
Zybala grabs onto the door knob. He twists it and yanks it open!!
Nothing.
Nothing happens.
Zybala slowly enters the house. It looks empty but feels very much alive.
Slowly he maneuvers from the entry way into the kitchen. He hears a noise and turns in that direction. He backs up against the wall and inches his way toward a door that’s slightly ajar. Mike kicks it open and spins around, ready to throw a SUPERKICK!!
But all he finds is JIM on the floor, groaning in pain, his face all busted up. Mike’s eyes bulge.
“JIM!”
He rushes over, crouching...he gets a whiff of the room and a look at the state of the place.
“JIM…”
“Don’t judge me.”
JIM sobs, rolling over and covering his face. Mike pats him on the back and spots the computer. He sees the black and white photo of Welsh. Zybala leans in and reads the subsequent article.
“The man is an animal! I thought he was going to kill me!”
Zybala continues reading.
“He’s crazy! He thinks Welsh is alive!”
Mike ignores JIM, reading.
“Frost Hollow.”
Zybala jots down the name of the town and shakes his head. His eyes are filled with uncertainty.
“Mike?”
JIM slowly rolls over, holding his busted face. As he does he finds the room empty. He hears the front door slam shut. JIM begins to whimper again as his hand worms its way inside an old pizza box removing a rock hard pepperoni that quickly finds its way into JIM’s mouth.
We zoom in on JIM’s face and up his bloody nose, plunged into darkness. A light shines in the distance as we zoom forward more and more until we’re staring at a full moon! The intro to Cursed Countdown begins.
one
~And we’re back to the scene of the curse and possibly some crimes. It’s Key West! It’s the Haunted House! More fans have gathered, each exhibiting that lust for blood, carnage, and chaos that only exists at an OCW event. Merch stands continue to see cheaply made items fly off the shelves at premium prices including one of the newest items available. It’s a two for one deal! If you buy an LCP doll you get a Zombie Marcus doll with it! They are being sold as a pair! Fans seem overjoyed with this package. One fan manages to purchase the last package deal and cheers! He runs toward the water with his arms in the air. He looks up to the moon and raises the package high in the air, screaming with excitement. And, as quickly as his excitement came, doom grabbed him...something reaches from the water, snatches his legs and drags him into the water in the blink of an eye. Nobody notices. We focus on Smith and Hood who seem ready to go~
Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Episode 5 of the Cursed Countdown!
Hood: I can jive with five brohive!
Smith: Sure. We are in the backstretch of this event. The final half of episodes begins tonight!
Hood: Episode 5 and 5 competitors left, right?
Smith: Yessir. We had zero eliminations last week but...we did have hundreds of clown deaths.
Hood: Always a win in my book when you can kill some clowns.
Smith: LCP earned a big advantage heading into this evening. He gets to know the location of exactly one wrestler and can then make his decision.
Hood: Probably use it to avoid Zombie Marcus.
Smith: I hope not. In my heart of hearts those two will be joined forever.
~Smith slowly starts to reveal the package doll deal he bought earlier. Hood slaps his hands, bringing the item back below the camera’s lens~
Hood: Be a fuckin professional, man.
Smith: Sorry. But, yes fans tonight we could have a new OCW Champion...OR we could have zero eliminations, just like one week ago.
Hood: Each wrestler has already exhausted half the rooms so they are running out of options.
Smith: Mhm. I’ve got a feeling in my bones we’ll see at least one match tonight.
Hood: Glad its your bones and not your boner.
Smith: Why do you have to be so crude...all the time!
Hood: I just call it like I see it and...heyoo!
Smith: What?!
~Both announcers turn when Amby Brooks stumbles past them~
Smith: Can somebody give Amby a hand??
Hood: She’s got it, man. Gosh you just assume she can’t see.
Smith: That’s because she can’t, Hood.
Hood: Hey...she can see just, ya know, not very well.
~Amby reaches the front porch and feels around. Carefully she makes her way up the steps and heads for the door...but she’s a few feet wide of it. She’s heading straight for the wall~
Smith: Amby look out!
~And in an act that can only be described as supernatural...the door jumps to it’s right just enough so Amby can pass right through without any incident. The fans go wild! “Amby! Amby!” Smith breathes a sigh of relief while Hood’s eyes widen and turn toward his partner~
Smith: What? That surprises you?
Hood: It’s not even ten o’clock, man. The house is getting down with its ghostly fuckery a little too early for my liking.
Voice: Gentlemen!
Smith: JACK!
~Jack Puffer struts into view looking as confident as ever~
Smith: Well you look as confident as ever.
Hood: Feels repetitive.
Jack Puffer: Thanks, Smith! I feel great this week. I’ve received word that Harvey Marx is definitely, absolutely, positively not going to be here tonight.
Hood: Aww...say it with me fans, aww
~The fans all go ‘awww’. Puffer gets flustered~
Jack Puffer: Hey! He’s been stealing my show ever since this event started! And...I didn’t want to be a baby about it, but he injured me last week when he forced me to fall in that hole in the porch.
Smith: Oh no!
Hood: What the hell did he injure? You look fine.
~Puffer slowly raises his left hand. There’s some athletic tape wrapped around his pinkie and ring finger~
Hood: Wow. Bless your fuckin heart.
Jack Puffer: It hurts really bad, okay? Plus how am I supposed to wear a ring when my ring finger is in such disrepair?
Hood: You’re not even married, Puff.
Jack Puffer: Yea, not with my hand in this condition!
Hood: Whatever.
Smith: Sorry to hear about your unfortunate injury, Jack. Hopefully you get well soon.
~Puffer nods, holding his hand~
Hood: Wait...are you sure Henri didn’t injure that hand?
~Puffer’s eyes widen~
Jack Puffer: It was HARVEY. Are you calling me a liar?
Hood: No. I’m just saying you’re a shitty detective.
Jack Puffer: Why you son of a bitch!
~Puffer lunges at Hood. Smith gets in between them~
Smith: Guys! Guys! Let’s all cool out! We’ve got a show to call!
~Hood wears a ‘wtf’ expression while Puffer backs away and fixes his hair...as he does we see that cut on the side of his neck, it’s as fresh as ever. He scratches it a bit~
Jack Puffer: Thank you, Smith. I’ll not let the likes of him bring me down from my status as a professional. Tonight is my night and I’m looking forward to handling it with great aplomb. Now, if you’ll excuse me!
~Puffer marches toward the house. He heads for the door and it immediately shifts back to its original position causing Puffer to run right into the side of the house. A long moment of silence hits~
Smith: Oh dear.
Hood: *contains laughter but not very well*
~Puffer’s body tenses. He balls his fists up, his arms shake. He then takes in a deep breath...side steps and enters into the house. The fans give a very polite applause~
Smith: Whew. I thought we were gonna lose our host for a second there.
Hood: You can’t lose what you never had, Smith.
Smith: Rude. Alright...we’re nearing ten o’clock fans which means this event is moments from getting underway!
Hood: Fuck yea, let’s do this, Rufus!
Smith: But first...allow me to
Hood: Ah shit.
Smith: Allow me to mention that our friends over at WrestleFlix will be hosting a HUGE event known as WrestleMecca. It’s going to be one of the biggest pro wrestling events of the year featuring several of the biggest stars this industry has to offer!
Hood: I’ll be watching for Brad. Brad Stokes.
Smith: WrestleMecca comes to you live streaming on WrestleFlix very, very soon.
Smith: So, don’t miss out on what is sure to be a once in a lifetime event by both size and scale!
Hood: And Stokes!
Smith: Yes, and Stokes. Alright...now, folks...it’s time to get down to what you all came here to see. It’s time we get to Episode 5 of Cursed Countdown. Which rooms will the wrestlers choose? Will we have any matches? Let’s head inside the cursed abode and find out!
~The fans outside go wild as they see the view shifting away from the hyperbolic, loquacious announcers and inside the place that is the face featuring the desired space. Jack Puffer has his hands folded in front of him, still taking great precaution with his injured fingers. He nods toward the camera and smiles~
Jack Puffer: Alright! How we doing tonight, everybody?
~Huge pop from outside. Puffer nods~
Jack Puffer: Terrific! Who’s ready for another night of Cursed amenities sent forth to stymie the fighting spirit of our five remaining competitors?
~More cheering~
Jack Puffer: Well then...let’s not waste any time! Bring forth the first competitor!
~Puffer’s smile is eviscerated when he hears the door thrown open and sees Henri Toussaint heading his way. Henri smiles upon seeing Puffer’s sudden apprehension~
Henri Toussaint: Sak Pase, bitch.
~Henri gets in real close. Puffer lowers his head. Henri sees Puffer’s hand and smiles~
Jack Puffer: Henri…
~Henri grabs Puffer’s hand before he can pull it away. He holds it up, staring at the two taped fingers. His eyes find Puffer’s~
Jack Puffer: Please don’t.
~Henri looks deep into Puffer’s eyes. He starts to squeeze Jack’s hands. Jack’s face wears a pitiful expression. The fans outside hold their breath. Henri finally drops the hand and slaps Puffer against the chest about as hard as he can, sending the Good Detective stumbling back~
Henri Toussaint: Lighten yo bitch azz up!
~Henri wraps his arm around Puffer’s shoulders and brings him in tight. Puffer’s clearly uncomfortable~
Henri Toussaint: Since yo azz made such a big deal about it last week I might as well take you up on it.
Jack Puffer: What are you talking about?
~Puffer remains coiled in a defensive posture as Henri shakes him around, squeezing him tighter~
Henri Toussaint: The Sauna.
~The fans outside go wild! The biggest pop a room has ever received “SAUNA! SAUNA! SAUNA!” Slowly, Puffer takes his hand and points it upstairs, where the door to the Sauna is located. Henri lets Puffer go and slaps his hand with a high five. Puffer helps, gripping his two injured fingers as the fans outside boo Henri. He laughs, heading up the steps and making his way around the broken banister where the Sauna door resides. He opens it and closes his eyes, feeling the warmth...he steps in~
Smith: Henri Toussaint will be spending the evening in the Sauna!
Hood: Finally! Only took five episodes.
Smith: He’s right. Puffer did make a big deal about the sauna last week...one might think it could lead to several wrestlers choosing it.
Hood: Henri’s been seeking action and I’m not just talking about Tinder. The guy wants a fight.
Smith: He might get one tonight.
~Puffer doubles over, holding his hand and catching his breath~
Voice: ARGH!!
~He immediately rises to attention and grabs the back of his chair in case he needs to use it like a lion tamer or something. Zombie Marcus staggers toward him from somewhere in the house~
Jack Puffer: Marcus...please. I’m feeling quite vulnerable right now.
~Zombie Marcus tilts his head. Drool falls from his mouth as his decaying tongue licks his dried, cracking lips. He flashes his mangled, rotting, traumatized teeth and heads for Jack with the look of a predator stalking its prey in his eye~
Jack Puffer: Marcus...stop! Stop!
~Zombie Marcus doesn’t stop. Puffer finally reaches into his pants and he removes an item. He holds it up and shuts his eyes. Zombie Marcus pauses~
Zombie Marcus: Argh?
~Zombie Marcus reaches out and grabs the new OCW merch. The pair action figure duo of LCP and Zombie Marcus! He brings it close and stares deeply at the two dolls...his decaying hand and cracked finger nails gliding across the plastic casing that holds the LCP action figure with its stupefied facial expression. “Take My Breath Away” by Berlin begins to play outside the house. We see a fan in shades holding a boombox over their head outside the house~
Smith: So emotional.
Hood: The fuck is going on
~Puffer’s defensive posture eases~
Jack Puffer: You okay, Zombie Marcus?
Zombie Marcus: argh
~The music continues to play as our view pans out of the entry way and into the Wine Cellar where LCP sits on the floor, his back to the door. His head is bowed forward with his knees up to his chest...slowly he lifts his head and places it against the door, his wide, emotional eyes staring at the ceiling. We glide back into the entry way~
Zombie Marcus: Argh.
~Fans outside hold each other~
Smith: If you need a hug, I’m right here.
Hood: Touch me and you’ll die.
~Zombie Marcus turns his back to Puffer and heads for the Library. He opens the door and slowly shuts it behind him. Puffer is about to speak when a painful cry comes from within the Library~
Zombie Marcus: ARGH!!!
~Puffer clutches his chest. Fans outside whimper and grab each other~
Smith: The hurt is there. And it is real.
Hood: Can we keep this moving, please. My god.
Smith: Emotion is a good thing, Hood.
Hood: You don’t think he’s going to jerk off in there, do you?
Smith: …
Hood: I’m just saying.
Smith: You were right in your original statement. Let’s move on.
~Puffer takes a deep breath, gathering his emotions. A hand reaches out, running its fingers through his hair before gripping and throwing Puffer back. He falls into his chair and grips the arm rests, looking up at Vhodka Black~
Jack Puffer: That was kinda rough.
Vhodka Black: That’s as much as you’re gonna get, so don’t ask.
~Vhodka surveys the house. She studies the doors~
Jack Puffer: You okay?
Vhodka Black: Mhm
Jack Puffer: May I ask what you’re doing?
Vhodka Black: Strategery.
~Puffer nods~
Jack Puffer: Guest Room is off limits now.
Vhodka Black: Yes. I know that.
Jack Puffer: I’m just making sure!
~Vhodka’s eyes turn toward the Sauna~
Vhodka Black: …
~Puffer looks up and over his shoulder~
Jack Puffer: Oh the Sauna. Yes. The room nobody picks.
~Vhodka narrows her eyes and leans forward, studying Puffer. Puffer leans back, his eyes wide and fairly afraid. She sniffs~
Jack Puffer: Are you smelling me?
Vhodka Black: I smell deceit. And...Brut.
Jack Puffer: Ah yes. I do wear Brut. For men, of course.
~Vhodka leans back. Her eyes move back toward the Sauna. She contemplates. She thinks. The fans outside are all leaning forward with anticipation~
Vhodka Black: I’ll take
~Puffer’s face twitches~
Vhodka Black: What was that?
Jack Puffer: What was what?
Vhodka Black: Your face. It did this.
~Vhodka makes a weird face. Puffer gets offended~
Jack Puffer: I’ve never made that face. Ever.
Vhodka Black: Yea. I don’t like the smell of this.
~Her eyes turn away from the Sauna and toward the back~
Vhodka Black: I’ll take the backyard. Nothing talented has ever done anything out there.
~A few fans wearing Outsiders t-shirts reach for their hearts and grimace in pain~
Jack Puffer: Fair enough. Backyard it is.
~Vhodka smacks Puffer on the forehead as she walks past him and into the Backyard~
Smith: Vhodka Black almost...almost picked the Sauna, Hood.
Hood: Would’ve given us Vhodka against Henri.
Smith: Yep but something scared her off.
Hood: Puffer’s stupid face. Total amateur hour. WHERE’S HARVEY WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!
Smith: Yea, I don’t know. But I think it’s pretty clear she’s avoiding someone.
Hood: I think it’s clear she’s avoiding Henri.
~Puffer rubs his forehead. His walkie talkie comes to life~
Jack Puffer: This Jack Puffer. Location Main Entry. Roger.
Derek Mobley: We know where you are, Jack. Just radioing in to let you know the other two competitors are already in the house.
Jack Puffer: Really?
Derek Mobley: Yes. It’s 10pm so let’s begin the evening.
Jack Puffer: Roger that, sir.
~Slam! The front door to the house slams and locks. Jack carefully places his walkie talkie down on the table next to him and looks at his phone~
two
10:00pm
Smith: And here we go! I think we’re going to get a match, Hood!
Hood: Seems that way.
Smith: Vhodka is in the Backyard. Zombie Marcus is in the Library. Henri Toussaint is the first wrestler to choose...the Sauna!
Hood: Guy’s gonna sweat.
~Puffer leans back in his chair scratching at his face which is suddenly covered with hair. He starts to unbutton the collar to his shirt. A door opens and his head turns. He sees LCP walking out of the Wine Cellar, head down~
Jack Puffer: You okay, Lew?
~LCP sighs and raises his eyes. He sees Puffer’s hairy face and a fuck ton of hair exploding out of his unbuttoned collar as though he’s some pornstar from the 70s on hair-roids. LCP’s eyes pop~
LC Pinkston: Are...you okay?
Jack Puffer: Yea, I’m fine. Why?
~Puffer runs his hands through the massive bush of hair pushing it’s way from the top of his shirt~
LC Pinkston: …
Jack Puffer: …
LC Pinkston: No reason, I guess. I still have my advantage, right?
Jack Puffer: Mhm
LC Pinkston: Okay. I’m ready to use it.
Jack Puffer: I understand. You, me, and all the fans outside know what you want. I can tell you where Zombie…
LC Pinkston: Tell me where Henri’s at.
~The fans outside let out a loud “OHHHHHHH!!!” Puffer sits up, shocked~
Smith: LCP wants Henri Toussaint!
Hood: OH SHIT
~Puffer slowly stands coming face to face with LCP~
Jack Puffer: Are you sure?
~LCP nods~
LC Pinkston: Shooters shoot. I’m not gonna win the OCW Title by being a bitch.
Jack Puffer: Understood.
~Puffer pauses. The fans outside are going wild~
Jack Puffer: Henri’s upstairs. In the Sauna.
~Puffer extends his hand. LCP looks down and shakes it~
Jack Puffer: Good luck, Lewis.
LC Pinkston: See you at 7, Jack.
~LCP nods and finishes off the hand shake with a dap. He turns and heads up the stairs. He makes his way to the once forgotten door. He looks down at the handle, twists, and pulls the door open. The warmth of an active Sauna hits him in the face as LCP steps inside. The room is small and wooden. The wall is lined with a built in wooden bench that is only interrupted by the entry. LCP steps into the center of the room~
Henri Toussaint: Sak Pase, Bitch.
~LCP turns his head and spots Henri seated on the bench, leaning forward. Henri flashes a smile~
LC Pinkston: There’s one bitch in this room and it ain’t me.
~Henri laughs and hops to his feet as the two men make their way toward the entrance of the room coming face to face~
Smith: LCP versus Henri Toussaint! In the Sauna!
Hood: That place looks claustrophobic as hell.
Smith: It’s small. It’s wooden and it’s apparently still active.
Hood: Everything in that house is active.
~With Henri and LCP face to face and the fans going wild outside we pull out of the Sauna and back into the main entry way where Puffer sighs and takes a seat~
Smith: That just leaves Mack O’Connor.
Hood: Yea where is ole Mack?
Smith: Your guess is as good as mine...we just know he’s in that house, somewhere.
~Puffer’s phone goes off~
three
11:00pm
Smith: Already one hour deep and we still don’t know where Mack is.
Hood: Maybe Mack went back to prison and just didn’t tell anybody.
Smith: He isn’t that lucky.
~With Puffer’s phone done going off we leave the suddenly very hairy detective behind and head into the Library. Zombie Marcus stands in the center of the room staring at the LCP and Zombie Marcus action figures~
Smith: Heartbreak takes awhile to heal, Hood.
Hood: I wouldn’t know.
Smith: Oh please
~Zombie Marcus begins to sniff. There’s something in the air~
Zombie Marcus: Argh.
~He drops the action figures and heads toward one of walls that’s lined with books. He leans in sniffing...he feels around~
Smith: Is someone in there with Zombie Marcus?
Hood: He sure seems to think so…
~Our view floats upstairs through the ceiling and into the Sauna. LCP and Henri remain face to face~
Voice: Welcome to the Sauna.
~Both Henri and LCP take a step back, looking around~
Voice: Tonight we have the man who refers to everyone as a bitch and the man who was the innovator behind the Bitch List.
~Henri and LCP study the Sauna for a moment before their eyes find each other once again~
Voice: So how fitting that tonight these two compete inside this Sauna in a “Who’s the Bitch” Match. The first wrestler to succumb to the elements within this increasingly hot and heated Sauna will lose. The wrestler who manages to survive the elements the longest will be declared the winner.
~Henri and LCP get face to face again~
Voice: And, of course, feel free to contribute in any way possible to aid your opponent in succumbing to these elements. Good luck.
~Henri takes a step back and rotates his head, popping his neck a few times. LCP rotates his shoulders, getting ready. The two men then square off as the fans outside go wild. Henri reaches to lock up but LCP kicks Henri in the groin, doubling the Haitian Sensation over. LCP laughs at him~
LC Pinkston: Bitch!
~Henri drops to one knee and nails LCP with a low blow! LCP doubles over, falling to his knees. Henri laughs through the pain he’s still experiencing. Both men are on their knees suffering low blows as we head back down into the Library~
Smith: Somebody is going to succumb to the heated elements within the Sauna...and I’m not sure who to pick!
Hood: Gotta go with Henri. He’s from Haiti, right? It’s hot down there, right?
Smith: I’m no geography expert but I think so.
~Zombie Marcus continues to search and feel for the presence his nose has picked up. He reaches for a book and slowly removes it...as he does, we dive into the book case and through the wall to the Backyard where Vhodka Black takes in the full moon amid a seemingly peaceful night. A few hands reach from the ground, trying to grab her ankles but she just stomps on them as if they were giant cock roaches scurrying around Bent Fork. She removes the hair brush she took from Welsh’s dead body and brings it to her orange wig as she stares up at the full moon~
Smith: Vhodka enjoying a peaceful evening with dead hands bursting forth from the ground looking to drag her to hell.
Hood: So peaceful.
~A few bushes rustle. Vhodka turns and sees Mack O’Connor stepping out from behind the bushes zipping up his pants. The man was apparently relieving himself. He stops and sees Vhodka. Vhodka smiles. Mack’s shoulders slump~
Mack O’Connor: Fuck.
~Mack turns and heads for the fence...perhaps looking to escape. But the fence instantly raises several feet before sprouting barbed wire at the top. An expert on being locked up, Mack knows he ain’t getting over that. He then turns and sees a bunch of tiny gremlin like creatures running across the yard throwing superkicks~
Mack O’Connor: The fuck is this?
~The little gremlins yell out “OUTSIDERS” each time they throw a superkick as they dart back and forth. Vhodka watches them...it seems she find sit more enjoyable than Mack. A few flashlights, hanging from trees, turn on, illuminating a spot in the yard. A ring suddenly appears...a very shitty ring that is barely standing. The ropes are skinny ropes you might use to tie something down in the back of your truck. The turnbuckles are old, feathered pillows. The ring posts are just two by fours. There are no steps~
Mack O’Connor: Make it stop.
~The spirit of Guy Cashe appears in the ring~
Guy Cashe: Awe yea! We got ourselves an outsiders DREAM match here tonight!
~Mack and Vhodka look at one another, the shitty ring between them~
Guy Cashe: Introducing first...the woman who looks like she wouldn’t mind being the mamma to a few more of my babies...Vhodka Black!
~Vhodka recoils at the suggestion before a few of the excited gremlins whisper ‘Outsiders’ and rush up behind her, shoving her toward the ring. She rolls in under the bottom rope and gets to her feet. Guy Cashe saunters toward her with his beer gut and grease stained wife beater...Vhodka backhands Guy~
Guy Cashe: I like em rough. Speaking of rough...a man that knows hard time! You don’t earn Guy’s respect until you spend a minute in the joint. Let’s give it up for Mack O’Connor!
~Mack turns away, refusing to take part in this. But the tiny gremlins all yell “OUTSIDERS!” and they rush Mack, taking control of his body and carrying him to the ring~
Mack O’Connor: NO!
~They may be small but they’re strong. They throw Mack into the ring through the middle and top rope. He hits the mat and rolls toward the center, popping to his feet~
Guy Cashe: Aight. These two are gonna battle here in the biggest match in Outsider’s History! So let’s get it on!
~Guy winks at Vhodka. She spits at him and hits him right in the cheek. He rubs it around his face and blows her a kiss~
Smith: That guy is disgusting.
Hood: You’d think his spirit might have a bit more class...but, nope. Probably cashing spiritual welfare checks.
~Guy exits the ring and sees Amby Brooks staggering toward the ring, trying not to fall. She approaches the grave that’s been there since Episode 1. The fans outside yell ‘LOOK OUT!’ Amby quickly sidesteps the grave much to the relief of everyone and marches past Guy. He says something lewd to her...she spins around and, in doing so, delivers a sharp elbow to his ear! Guy falls down and his spirit vanishes. Amby keeps walking, rolling into the ring and popping to her feet. Mack is in a corner shaking his head. Vhodka stands near the center of the ring, eager for a fight. Amby signals for the bell. One of the tiny gremlins yells out “DING DING!!!” Amby claps her hands together and the match is underway~
Smith: Here we go!! Mack and Vhodka facing off in an Outsiders DREAM match!
Hood: It’s some kinda dream, alright. One of those fevered dreams brought on by too much Datura or some other hallucinogen.
Smith: I wouldn’t know. I like to remain of sound mind.
~Mack is like ‘fuck this, I’m out.’ He heads for the ropes but as he does, Vhodka charges in and knees him in the ribs! Mack hangs halfway out of the ring over the skinny rope. Vhodka knees him in the ribs over and over as the tiny gremlins surrounding the ring hop around with glee all yelling “OUTSIDERS! OUTSIDERS!”~
Smith: I think Outsiders has found its target audience.
Hood: Superkicking Gremlins.
~Vhodka continues to knee Mack in the ribs as we back away, spin around and float back into the entry way of the house. Puffer’s phone is going off and the Good Detective is sound asleep~
four
MIDNIGHT
Smith: It’s MIDNIGHT and we have two matches!
Hood: Two eliminations heading our way...we’ll be down to three by the time 7 am hits.
Smith: Let’s see how this is all going to go down!
~We leave the main entry way and a resting Puffer before traveling upstairs and heading toward the Sauna. Upon entering the Sauna we find both LCP and Henri on their knees suffering from unbearable gut pain associated with getting nailed in the balls. However, neither man wants to be a bitch so they fight through it. LCP punches Henri in the head. Henri responds by punching LCP. LCP throws another punch. Henri throws another. We can see both men beginning to sweat as the very air in the room seems to be just a little bit thicker than before~
Smith: It looks like the room is getting warmer.
Hood: We got a thermostat or something?
~Like magic a temperature gauge appears at the bottom of the screen. It reads 135F~
Smith: Okay so yea, that’s kinda warm.
Hood: Not THAT warm for a sauna but for a 7 hour stay...yea, that’s pretty fuckin warm.
Smith: We’ll have to see if it increases.
~LCP punches Henri with another right hand. He reaches back to hit Henri again but Henri dives in with a headbutt right into LCP’s chin!! LCP is rocked!! Henri struggles to his feet, shaking off the pain in his lower abdomen. He kicks LCP in the face sending him falling to his side atop the wooden floor. Henri then drops to his knees and wraps both hands around LCP’s throat, choking him~
Henri Toussaint: Say it. Say you a bitch!
~LCP refuses as Henri continues choking him. LCP kicks his legs around as we see the temperature move up to 140F. We dip down through the floor and into the Library on the first floor~
Smith: Henri’s very strong. A lot stronger and, well, more dangerous than I think most realize.
Hood: He ripped a clown’s body to pieces with his bare hands last week, man.
Smith: Yes. I remember.
~Zombie Marcus removes more books from the shelves and leans in, sniffing around. He continues to feel on the verge of finding something...he just isn’t sure what it is~
Smith: Zombie Marcus like a bloodhound has picked up a scent and he will not relent.
Hood: Wow. You should be a rapper.
Smith: Really?
Hood: No.
Smith: Aww
~We exit the Library through the window and into the backyard where the gremlin fans are going wild!! “OUTSIDERS! OUTSIDERS!” Vhodka has Mack leaning into a corner where she drives her shoulder into his ribs over and over as Amby Brooks feels around the ropes~
Smith: Now that’s a scene.
Hood: You’re not kidding.
~Mack drives both hands into Vhodka’s back with a double axe handle!! She falls to all fours and he kicks at her head with his foot sending her tumbling toward the center of the ring. The Gremlins laugh and yell. Mack lowers his head, shaking it. He turns for the ropes to leave once again. Vhodka gets to her knees and sees him trying to evacuate...she pops back to her feet and walks up, smacking him on the back of his bald head. Mack pauses. Vhodka smiles~
Vhodka Black: Here we go.
~She smiles and flicks his ear. Mack spins around and stares down at the woman who took the TransAtlantic Title from him. Vhodka extends her arms, urging Mack to come at her. Mack wages an internal war...he grips the top rope with one hand while leaning toward Vhodka~
Smith: Are you in or out, Mack? Make a choice.
Hood: She knows how to get under his skin, that’s for sure.
Smith: I don’t think any grown man likes to be hit upside the head or have his ear flicked.
Hood: I’m sure there’s a fetish for that somewhere.
~Mack throws his hands at Vhodka and moves to exit. Until...he hears something. We get a close up shot of his face as his eyes bulge and a giant vein sticks out in his forehead. Vhodka stands in the center of the ring talking~
Smith: Wait...is she…
Hood: She’s monologuing.
Smith: Oh dear.
Hood: Mack hates...HATES when people monologue.
~Slowly Mack turns around and glares at Vhodka. She continues monologuing as a smile crosses her face. Mack charges! He throws a lariat at Vhodka...but she leans back with the Matrix Evasion. Mack spins around and grabs her by her orange hair, specifically the two horns. He slings her around and throws her into a corner!! The momentum spins him around with his back to Vhodka. She lands on the corners like a cat...Mack turns around and she leaps off, spinning around and taking Mack down with a Thesz Press!! She claws at his face as Mack immediately throws her off him!! She lands on all fours in a corner, staring at Mack as he sits up with a concerned look on his face~
Smith: If he didn’t remember who she was before maybe he does now.
Hood: I believe the term most use is feral. But I’m just gonna go ahead and call her crazy.
Smith: She’s easy to underestimate and even harder to catch once you figure out what you’re dealing with.
~Mack slaps the mat in frustration. The gremlins outside the ring roar with approval as they all chant “OUTSIDERS!” We exit the Backyard and fly back into the house where Puffer remains asleep. His phone starts to go off and we get a look at the screen~
five
1:00am
Smith: We’ve entered the early morning hours. LCP and Henri are trying to survive an increasingly warm Sauna while Mack and Vhodka do battle in an Outsider’s Dream Match!
Hood: Meanwhile Zombie Marcus is sniffing around the library.
Smith: And we’re trying to figure out what he’s smelling.
Hood: I think he’s discovered the scent...the scent for knowledge.
~We leave the very hairy and sleeping Puffer behind and head back into the Sauna upstairs. Henri continues to choke LCP. We see the temperature is now at 145F. Sweat drips off of Henri onto LCP’s face! LCP tries to fight Henri off but Henri is very, very strong. So, LCP reaches up and grabs Henri by the hair and pulls forward! He spins around and slams Henri face first into the wood floor!! Henri yells out, grabbing his face and rolling around as LCP crawls up onto the wooden bench where he catches his breath. Henri gets to one knee, his back to LCP~
Smith: LCP doing what he has to in an effort to survive.
Hood: Henri was gonna choke his ass out.
Smith: That would’ve earned him the victory.
~LCP stands on the bench, the top of his head grazing the wooden roof of the Sauna...Henri gets to his feet and turns around. LCP leaps off the bench with a cross body!! He slams into Henri and the two men fly back into the wood wall and bench across the room...the bench shatters! The two men fall to the ground amid the pieces of wood~
Smith: That sauna isn’t in great shape, obviously. Surprised it still works. No doubt that wood’s got some rot in it.
Hood: LCP needs to grab some of that rotted wood before Henri does.
Smith: Yea, I can’t argue that. He needs something to equalize the strength advantage Henri possesses.
~As if he’s plugged into commentary, LCP grabs a plank of wood. He staggers to his feet, sweat already starting to run down his face. We see the thermostat bump up to 150F. Henri fights to his feet, shaking off the surprising impact...as he gets to his feet...BAM! He gets hit across the face with the plank of wood!! Henri drops to all fours. LCP grabs another plank of wood and he starts to beat Henri over the back with it!! He hits Henri over and over and over and over until Henri flattens out. LCP drops the wood and leans back against the wall, his body already inching toward ‘soaked’. LCP makes a gun gesture with his right hand and fires it at Henri~
LC Pinkston: Bitch.
~Slowly Henri raises his hand and he gives LCP the finger. LCP yells ‘fuck!’ and he heads back over to continue working on Henri. We dive down into the floor and through the ceiling where we re-enter the Library. Zombie Marcus continues to sniff around the shelves~
Smith: He’s on to something, Hood!
Hood: Yea, no shit. Wake me up when he finds something.
~Zombie Marcus reaches for another book to yank it off the shelf but, before he can, we exit through the window and re-enter the yard. The gremlins are now smoking cigarettes and going wild with their OUTSIDERS chants. Mack is on his feet leaning back into a corner...he winces and pulls some of the feathers out of the turnbuckle that are pricking him in the back. As he does, Vhodka comes flying in like a kamikaze hyena with a huge splash!!! She jams her feet into Mack’s gut and falls back tossing him into the center of the ring with a Monkey Flip!! Mack flips over and lands hard!!! He arches his back in pain as part of the canvas starts to tear away~
Smith: Not the best material.
Hood: That ring should be condemned. Just like the city of Bent Fork!
Smith: Look at you...calling it a city.
Hood: Fuck, you’re right. Way too much credit.
~Vhodka hops onto the middle ‘buckle’. She waits for Mack to get up...slowly Mack gets to all fours. Vhodka leaps off with a guillotine leg drop across the back of Mack’s neck!! But Mack moves!! Vhodka lands ass first on the mat!! She reaches for her tailbone wincing in pain. Mack crawls for the ropes, using them to pull to his feet. He sees a gremlin outside the ring laughing...the gremlin throws him a gun. Mack is like ‘whoa!’ he throws the gun back into the crowd. He then falls backward as Vhodka rolls him up!!! Amby drops down with her back to the two competitors and she hits the mat~
1!
2!
KICK OUT!
Smith: Mack kicks out!
Hood: A fuckin gun? These gremlins are insane.
Smith: Well, I mean, they are gremlins.
~Mack’s kickout sends Vhodka flying into the corner. She hits hard. Mack staggers to his feet...Vhodka charges and leaps at Mack, latching onto him and grabbing his head. She’s looking for a tornado DDT...but, instead, Mack grabs hold and throws her high into the air!! She gets some major distance before coming straight down and splatting on the mat!!! Vhodka rolls around, holding her midsection in pain as Mack staggers into the ropes to catch his breath~
Smith: If Mack can neutralize Vhodka. Keep her within his range and reach then he should have a clear path to victory.
Hood: Easier said than done, man. Whenever you think Vhodka is gonna zig…
Smith: She zags?
Hood: I was gonna say she stabs but, sure, zags works fine.
~With Vhodka down and Mack catching his breath we turn around and head back into the house with Puffer’s phone going off. We stare down at the screen~
six
2:00am
Smith: Slowly digging into these morning hours as our matches feel like they are just getting started.
Hood: Time waits for no man…
Smith: OR woman!
Hood: yes yes, I know we’ve got one of those in this contest.
Smith: Ugh...your misogyny.
Hood: Oh fuck off. I’m a fan of Sydney Sweeney.
~Leaving the very hairy Puffer alone we once again head upstairs and into the Sauna. LCP wipes sweat from his forehead and takes in a breath. We see the temperature bump up to 155F. LCP grabs at some of the wooden debris to continue attacking Henri...but Henri suddenly pushes up off the ground and dives forward into LCP with a spear!! He slams LCP into the wall across the sauna with his spine being jammed against the edge of the bench!! LCP yells out, reaching for his back~
Smith: Ouch! You don’t want to ever have your back take that kind of impact.
Hood: No shit. That’s what ended Lurrr’s career, kinda, when he fell on that casket.
Smith: I think you’re mixing realities, my friend.
~Henri drills LCP with a straight right hand, shutting the Bitch List innovator up. He then hoists LCP onto his shoulder and dives into the bench with a Powerslam!! The impact shatters the bench!! It tears into the wood, breaking it, ripping it from the wall as the two men collapse into a pile of wet, sweat, old wood. Henri fights through the debris and gets to his knees, his hands gripping at his legs as he gasps for air. LCP is down, his eyes open but a faraway look embedded within them. Henri rummages through the wood, trying to find something to use~
Smith: That heat is brutal.
Hood: Yea and if it were just the heat, fine. But the fuckin humidity, man. It’s gotta be hard to breathe in there.
Smith: Indeed!
~As Henri looks around for a piece of wood that fits whatever it is he’s got in mind, LCP extends his arms over his head and feels something. He rolls over onto all fours and dives forward. Henri snares a jagged piece of wood...looks like something you’d stab Dracula in the heart with. He looks down to find LCP but all he sees is the tennis shoe on LCP’s left foot vanishing into the wall~
Henri Toussaint: Da fuck?
~He throws the stake away and crouches down...there’s a hole in the wall. Henri dives forward, crawling through it as we see the temperature hit 155F. We follow Henri as he worms his way through the hole and comes out on the other side of the wall...he gets to his knees and sees that they are in a much bigger Sauna...one with tiled floor and walls. It’s a giant rectangular shaped room with a wall in the middle, separating both halves. Probably there for support more than anything. There’s room to walk around the giant, tiled wall on either side. Henri sees no trace of LCP so he gets to his feet and peeks around the other side of the wall only to get kicked in the head!!! Henri’s body slams up against the wall, his skin smacking against the tiles. LCP charges in and knees Henri in the gut!! Henri doubles over and LCP grabs him by the head for a DDT onto the tiled floor...but Henri yells and charges forward, across the room, slamming LCP back first into the tiled wall!! LCP yells out, dropping to his knees and reaching for his back as Henri drops to all fours, catching his breath. We leave the Sauna and dig into the floor, diving into the Library where Zombie Marcus continues to sniff and hunt~
Smith: A bigger bath house type Sauna hidden away.
Hood: Probably back when Dean owned things. More room to relax and a barrier between both sides so you don’t have to look at Bifford if he’s in there with you.
Smith: You’re probably not far off.
~Zombie Marcus gets frustrated and yanks several books off the shelf and sniffs. But there’s nothing. He then hears something and slowly turns around...his nostrils flare. He’s picking up the scent again...he heads across the room~
Smith: Uh oh. I definitely think something’s in there.
Hood: Yea, the Zombie.
Smith: Something else!
Hood: Well be more specific!
~We fly across the room as Zombie Marcus stumbles forward. We dart through the window and back into the yard! The Gremlins are now drinking whiskey along with their cigarettes, chanting for Outsiders! Mack grabs Vhodka by her orange hair and pulls her off the mat. He slings her into a nearby corner, hard! The entire ring shakes!! The two by fours comprising the corner crack. Mack charges in with a huge clothesline but Vhodka ducks!! Mack stops just short of hitting her. He turns around and she smacks him in the head with an enziguri!!! Mack tumbles through the ropes and out into the grass as the Gremlins laugh and point at him~
Smith: Gnarly little creatures.
Hood: I dunno. They’re just here catching a wrestling event. Enjoying a smoke. Indulging in a beverage. Let them live, man!
Smith: What about the gun?
Hood: It’s Florida, right? I think they have concealed carry around here.
~Mack feels the grass. He looks over and sees the Gremlins going crazy near him...he hurries to his feet when one of them pulls out a switch blade. Vhodka charges across the ring...Mack turns around and she leaps over the top rope spinning around in an odd rotation. She comes down and takes Mack out, down to the ground!! The Gremlins go wild!!! Vhodka pops up to her feet and stumbles toward the Gremlins. They laugh and jump around. One of the Gremlins gets a good look at her latex covered ass and reaches up to slap it saying, “Hey baby.” in it’s garbled cadence. Vhodka turns around and kicks the Gremlin as hard as she can...it goes flying through the air before splatting against the house. The other Gremlins go quiet...and then they all laugh and cheer. One of them hands Vhodka a small, glass bottle of Wild Turkey. She takes it and turns her focus back to Mack~
Smith: I stand by my statement. Gnarly creatures. I would be happy if I never crossed paths with them.
Hood: So the one dude got a little handsy. Relax. He was put in his place.
Smith: The switchblade?
Hood: Probably just using it to open a can of food. Don’t judge, man.
~Mack struggles to his feet and Vhodka swings at him with the glass bottle in her hand. Mack catches her arm and looks at the bottle. He rips it free and glares at the label. He frowns with disgust. Wild fuckin Turkey. He throws the bottle into the crowd of Gremlins. Vhodka jumps on him, digging at his face but he manages to fight her off and hoist her over his head...he throws her back into the ring over the top rope with a Press Slam!! She lands hard on the mat! Mack goes to climb back into the ring but winces. He looks down and sees a Gremlin at his legs...~
Mack O’Connor: The fuck did you just do to me?
~With Mack staring at the Gremlin we float back inside the house toward Puffer as his phone starts to go off. We get a look at the screen~
seven
3:00am
Smith: And we are over halfway through the evening!
Hood: Both matches seem pretty even.
Smith: I’m concerned about both, to be honest. One match is taking place in a heated, claustrophobic atmosphere and the other is surrounded by Gremlins.
Hood: Let’s not forget Zombie Marcus and his scratch and sniff session!
~We head back upstairs and into the Sauna. We go through the disheveled wooden room and through the hole into the larger, tiled room. The temperature now reads 160F. Henri gets to his feet and takes a seat on one of the tiled benches that spans the wall. LCP staggers toward him, holding his back. Henri gets down as much wind as he can before rising up and punching LCP across the face. Sweat flies off of LCP’s head and against the tiled barrier in the center of the room. Henri grabs LCP by his sweat soaked hair and tries to ram him face first into the tiled barrier but LCP elbows Henri in the sternum, knocking the wind out of Henri’s lungs. LCP then chops Henri across the chest sending a ton of sweat flying into the air~
Smith: They’re already getting worn down.
Hood: Yea, no shit man. They’ve been in that fuckin enclosed heat for hours trying to kill each other.
Smith: The war of attrition is on.
~LCP reaches for Henri but Henri rakes LCP across the eyes!! LCP shakes his head, his sweat soaked hair going all over the place. Henri then lifts a knee into LCP’s face sending him falling back onto his ass atop the hard tiled floor. LCP yells out in pain. Henri, soaked as well, grabs LCP and pulls him back to his feet...LCP tries to fight Henri off but Henri blasts him with forearm shots to the back sending sweat flying into the air. Henri then scoops LCP up and he bodyslams him onto the tiled floor!! LCP lands HARD! Huge splat as he arches his back, yelling in tremendous pain~
Smith: LCP’s back is taking a beating.
Hood: Yea...Henri is the stronger of the two. A match like this isn’t conduce for ducking a weaving. There isn’t much room to avoid the stronger man.
Smith: Nope. LCP is on the verge of taking a tremendous beating.
~Henri stands over LCP and thrusts his foot into LCP’s throat. We see the temperature move up to 165F. LCP coughs...his already red face deepening in color. His body shining from the lights bouncing off his soaked skin. He coughs and fights, trying to remove Henri’s foot but Henri just presses~
Henri Toussaint: Give it up. Don’t make me take this any further.
~LCP, like Henri, responds with a middle finger as Henri grits his teeth and shoves his foot down even harder onto LCP’s throat. We dive down into the floor and toward the Library where Zombie Marcus is on the other side of the room. He feels around the books, leaning in, getting a sniff~
Smith: I thought something was there.
Hood: Apparently not...that guy’s nose is fucked, man. He’s a fuckin zombie why are we thinking any part of his body is going to work like it should?
Smith: Give it time. He might be on to something.
~We exit the Library and head back into the yard. Mack is staring down at the Gremlin. It looks up at him and it superkicks him in the leg again. Mack kicks the Gremlin away. More Gremlins rush, yelling “OUTSIDERS!” and they start superkicking Mack in the legs! Mack yells out~
Smith: Uh oh. I think the Gremlins are pro Vhodka.
Hood: Well she kinda embraces Outsiders. I mean I don’t think she’d do anything crazy like actually wrestle there but she shows them some love.
Smith: And Mack?
Hood: I mean, it’s pretty obvious. Look at the Gremlins.
~Mack winces and bends over. He tries to swat the Gremlins away but there’s so many of them all superkicking him in the legs. Suddenly, Mack flies into the Gremlins, knocking them all down! Vhodka dives through the ropes, kicking him in the head!!! He lands on top of the Gremlins sending most of them scurrying away. A few unfortunate little gremlin guys were crushed under Mack’s body. He sits up, holding his head and reaches for his back...he looks at his hand and sees it covered in green Gremlin guts~
Mack O’Connor: I fuckin hate this.
~He tries to wipe his hand off. He gets to his feet...as he does he senses something. He turns around and WHACK!! Vhodka uses the other Gremlin carcass and smashes Mack in the head with it!!! The Gremlins all go wild!!! They laugh and cheer. Mack staggers back against the ring apron. Vhodka throws the dead Gremlin body at him. He catches it and immediately throws it to the side...Vhodka runs forward, steps up onto the apron, grabs him by the head, spins around and drops him on the apron with a Tornado DDT!!! Mack’s forehead thumps against the apron and he lays there, motionless...still on his feet, the apron keeping him upright. Vhodka struggles to lift him up...the Gremlins all scream with glee and rush forward, helping her pick Mack up and throw him into the ring. She dives into the ring behind him and hooks the leg. Amby drops down across the ring and makes the count~
1!
2!
SHOULDER UP!!!
Smith: Oh so close! Mack gets the shoulder up right before the three count!
Hood: I know we’re all having some fun and what not but let’s pause for a moment and digest what we’re seeing. Vhodka is taking on one of the greatest wrestlers in OCW history.
Smith: Mack is a two time OCW Champion. He’s in the Hall of Fame. He is, without a doubt, the favorite to win this competition at this stage.
Hood: Exactly. So -
~Hood gets cut off as Puffer’s phone buzzes. We leave the yard and fly back into the entry way inside the house to get a good look at the screen~
eight
4:00am
Smith: We are a little over 3 hours away from sunrise!
Hood: Matches are still too close to call.
Smith: Indeed...let’s see if we get a clearer indication as to where we’re headed this hour!
~We vamos from el Pufferino and his slumber and travel up the creaking, cracking staircase, around the devastated banister and back into the Sauna. We dive into the hole in the wall making our way back into the larger, tiled steam room. Henri continues to choke LCP with his foot. LCP gags, spitting up frothy saliva. Henri leans forward, placing his hands on the barrier for leverage. Sweat pours off of Henri’s face onto LCP. We see the temperature hit 170F. LCP sees the sweat pouring from Henri and he can feel the sweat leaking off his own face. He takes his hand and runs it all over his face and through his soaked hair before slapping his palm on the floor and slickening the surface. He the grabs Henri’s foot and pulls it toward the slick spot and Henri slips! Henri falls back and lands hard on the tiled floor, grabbing the back of his head as LCP drags his exhausted body around the corner of the barrier for a much needed buffer~
Smith: Tremendous thinking there by LCP. A master of his surroundings!
Hood: Well he is kinda the home team now...having lived in that house for, what, 3 months? 4?
Smith: It’s been quite a stay, yes.
~LCP leans up against the barrier gasping for air...a room with not much oxygen to give and what it does offer is weighed down by thick humidity. We get a shot from the side of the barrier as it cuts our screen in half. LCP sits up against it, resting...on the other side we see Henri crawling toward it as though he can sense Henri seated up against the other side. He starts to pound on the barrier with both fists. LCP hears the pounding and looks around, his mouth open, trying to snag some air. Henri looks down and sees the bottom of this old, dilapidated barrier is cracked. He gets an idea and pulls himself up...he swipes the sweat spot away created by LCP earlier and he charges forward, throwing all his weight into the barrier. LCP feels the vibrations but doesn’t think much of it...to him this is all an opportunity to regain his breath~
Smith: What is Henri doing?
Hood: He’s lost it. He’s gone mad with Haitian Fever.
Smith: I don’t think that’s a thing, Hood.
~Henri throws his body in the barrier again and again. LCP seems content with how things are going until the weight of the barrier seems to lean into him a bit more than before. Henri keeps throwing his body into the barrier. LCP feels pieces of debris falling from the ceiling...it suddenly registers. We see the barrier breaking free from the ceiling and leaning LCP’s way. He scrambles...his sweaty hands struggling to get a grip on the tiled floor~
Smith: Henri’s going to knock that barrier over!
Hood: That’ll crush LCP!
Smith: I’m telling you...Henri is a dangerous man!
Hood: Yea, yea, you’ve been saying it.
~Henri throws his body into it again. And again. And again. It’s leaning...it’s just about broken free. LCP staggers...he gets to his feet but slip! Henri throws his whole body into the barrier and it breaks free! It tilts and starts to fall toward LCP. He struggles to gain his footing due to all the sweat his body has poured onto the ground. The temperature hits 170F as the barrier falls to the ground~
Smith: Move, LCP! Hurry!!!
Hood: Welcome back, casual murder. My how we’ve missed you.
~The barrier falls and CRASH!!!! We’re unable to tell what happened to LCP. Henri crawls on top of the barrier and flips over onto his back, gasping for air, soaked in sweat...he slowly raises a fist in the air atop the rubble as we dive down into the floor and head back into the Library~
Smith: I hope LCP didn’t get crushed under the tremendous weight of that load bearing apparatus.
Hood: Whoa...load bearing? Did you just call Henri a prostitute?
Smith: I did no such thing!
~Zombie Marcus seems all but defeated in his chase for dinner. Until...one shelf rattles a bit. Zombie Marcus spins around, eyeing the shelf. He slowly heads that way as we exit through the window and head back into the yard~
Smith: The shelf moved! Something is behind it!
Hood: Ah shit I think you might be right. Is it Bifford?
Smith: I wouldn’t put anything past him.
Hood: It’s tough to do when you consider he’s the size of Pluto.
~Vhodka gets to her feet in the middle of the Outsiders ring. The Gremlins are able to locate some cocaine and start to indulge to keep the party going. Vhodka leans over the top rope, taking the site in...one Gremlin hauls off and throws her some brass knuckles. She catches them and slides them over her hand. She spins around to deck Mack...but Mack is on his feet!! He ducks her swing and shoves her into the corner...she runs hard into the pillow cases...they don’t have much effect. Mack then grabs her from behind, snagging her orange hair and he starts to slam her face into the top buckle over and over~
Smith: Mack letting out some frustration.
Hood: That’s some incel like behavior there!
Smith: What? No. He’s trying to win a match.
Hood: Prison changes a man, Smith.
~Mack finally stops and spins Vhodka around. We see Vhodka’s face starting to bleed...all those feather stems stabbing her in the face over and over. Mack starts to feel kinda bad until he sees Vhodka’s hand covered with brass knuckles. He takes her hand and rips the brass knuckles off, tossing them into the crowd of Gremlins. The Gremlins see the blood on Vhodka’s face and they cheer. Mack throws Vhodka from the corner to the center of the ring with a huge hip toss!! She lands hard, arching her back in pain~
Smith: We’ve got blood!
Hood: Mack better cover up! No telling what kinda disease is in Vhodka’s blood.
Smith: I think Mack’s the one with a probable blood disease...all that time in prison.
Hood: True. Prison changes a man.
Smith: Yes, yes so I’ve heard.
~Vhodka fights through the pain, struggling to her feet. She turns around to locate Mack and BAM!!! He drops her with HOLLOW POINT!!!! Stunner to the temple!! Vhodka’s head snaps back, sending some blood flying out of the ring as Mack drops down, hooking both legs. Amby accidentally slides out of the ring but delivers the count on the apron~
1!
2!
3!!!
NO!!!!
Smith: Shoulder up!! Vhodka with the shoulder up!
Hood: Holy shit that was close. I haven’t seen Hollow Point used in years!
Smith: Mack’s in ring repertoire has lessened over the years it seems
Hood: Prison changes a man, Smith.
Smith: WE KNOW
~Mack slaps the mat, frustrated. He looks over and sees the blind ref trying to get back in the ring. His eyes turn upward, toward the moon as he wonders what he did to deserve this shit. We then float back inside the house as Puffer’s phone goes off. We get a good view of the screen~
nine
5:00am
Smith: Only a few short hours left.
Hood: Maybe none for LCP. He might be casually dead.
Smith: I really hope not...let’s head into the Sauna and see. Please be okay, LCP.
Hood: Careful or Zombie Marcus is gonna come after you for lusting after his boytoy.
~We leave the slumbering Puffer behind and head up the stairs toward the Sauna. We re-enter and dive into the hole where the larger, tiled sauna resides. The temperature has been cranked up to 180F. Henri sits up atop the fallen barrier and looks around wondering why he hasn’t been awarded his victory yet. Something rumbles...something moves. Henri looks over his shoulder and he sees LCP emerging from some of the rubble...he’s okay!!! I mean, still exhausted and gasping for air...but he lives! Henri grits his teeth and slaps at the ground, struggling to his feet before heading LCP’s way~
Smith: You can’t kill LCP! You can’t keep a good lew down!
Hood: All he’s doing is pissing Henri off. I’m not sure that’s the smartest thing in the world to do.
Smith: Henri is expending a lot of energy trying to put LCP down. That’s got to play a part, you would think.
Hood: Hey he’s from Haiti we already established it’s like 200 degrees out there year long.
~LCP tries to beg Henri off but Henri lunges at him, wrapping both hands around LCP’s throat. He picks LCP up, spins around and slams him down on the surface that is the side of the once standing barrier!! LCP gags and spits. Sweat dripping off of Henri and into LCP’s face, mouth. Debris from the ceiling falls and lands near them. LCP reaches around, trying to grab something. Henri remains singularly focused on ending LCP~
Smith: Henri has tunnel vision.
Hood: He wants to make LCP his bitch.
Smith: He needs to mind his surroundings!
Hood: Look I like Henri as much as the next guy but he ain’t ever gonna be Bruce Wayne.
~More debris falls. Henri continues to choke LCP...LCP reaches around and manages to grab a chunk of tile from the ceiling...he slams it into Henri’s head!!! Henri rolls over, holding his head in pain. LCP crawls away, once again his hands slip along the wet, sweat soaked surface. We see the temperature hit 190F. LCP gets to his feet...his legs are wobbly, shaking. Henri, holding his head, slowly gets to his knees, dazed...LCP charges at him and hits THE CHRONIC KICK!!! A huge burst of sweat flies into the air as Henri’s head is thrown violently to the side!! He tumbles into the debris on the ground as more of the ceiling starts to fall. LCP looks up...he can feel the roof caving in so he heads for the hole in the wall and crawls through it, back into the original, wooden sauna where he flails over onto his back, gasping for air. Through the hole he hears a loud CRASH as some dust is forced through the hole...LCP slowly sits up, propping himself up for a moment via his elbows...he looks into the dark, dusty hole and smiles before collapsing to his back. We dive through the floor and down into the Library~
Smith: Is Henri gone?
Hood: So Henri dropped a wall and LCP and LCP replied by dropping a whole roof on Henri.
Smith: To be fair both were caused by Henri.
Hood: Prison changes a man, Smith.
Smith: Okay that doesn’t even make sense
~Zombie Marcus stands in front of the shaking wall. He reaches for a book titled “Don’t Read This.” Zombie Marcus pulls back on it and the wall slowly starts to open up~
Smith: Whoa…a secret Library passage!
Hood: Don’t read this...fuckin figures. Kinda like “Don’t go to the Sauna” and everybody wants to go to the fuckin Sauna all of a sudden.
Smith: Hey people like to do what they’re told not to.
~The door reveals a dark passage. Zombie Marcus sniffs around. As he does he hears a low growl coming from within the dark room. We instantly leave the Library, heading through the window and back into the yard~
Smith: Something growled at Zombie Marcus.
Hood: Maybe it was his stomach. He ate like 10 clowns last week and, as far as I can tell, he hasn’t had anything to eat tonight. Probably starving.
Smith: Yea it didn’t sound like a stomach.
Hood: Oh so you’re an expert on what a zombie stomach sounds like when it growls. Sure, right...okay, man.
~Mack O’Connor is frustrated but he’s back on his feet. He grabs Vhodka’s hair which is starting to show some signs of red dye in it...the dye being blood, obviously. He pulls her up and whips her back into a corner. She hits hard! The two by four acting as the ring post cracks. Mack charges in and leaps into the air with a HUGE SPLASH!!! He connects!!! But the two by four snaps!!! The ring post shatters and Mack goes tumbling out of the ring along with Vhodka as the ropes and all other ring posts fall to the ground!! The Gremlins all go crazy laughing and cheering and sharing what now appears to be some meth~
Smith: Life as a gremlin is wild.
Hood: Not a very long life, man. Gotta live it up.
Smith: Apparently.
~Mack crawls around the yard, reaching for his back. He grabs onto the ring apron and pulls himself up. Vhodka rolls over onto all fours, blood trickling from her head into the grass. A gremlin throws something at her...it lands right in front of her. She grabs it and brings it close. Mack grabs onto the rope from the ring and yanks it forward...it gets stuck so he yanks at it super aggressively and yells “FUCKIN BULLSHIT SHITTY RING!” He yanks and manages to get one of the ropes free enough to carry toward Vhodka. He bends down and wraps it around Vhodka’s throat!!! He pulls up, yanking Vhodka off the ground and choking her!! The Gremlins all go wild as they see Vhodka’s face, half bloodied, her eyes wide and the rope digging into her throat~
Smith: Mack’s trying to choke her out!
Hood: Easy, Mack. You’re trying to beat her not seduce the woman.
Smith: He’d be lucky to have someone like Vhodka. If I’m being honest.
Hood: True. Prison changes…
Smith: NO MORE
~Vhodka reaches back and smacks Mack in the face with a magazine!! The act shocks Mack so he grabs it and lets Vhodka go...he notices several of the pages are stuck together and he throws it to the ground, backing away. Vhodka removes the rope from her red, irritated throat and she grabs the very sketchy porn magazine and rolls it up. She pops to her feet and smacks Mack across the face with the rolled up magazine. She hits him again and again!! Mack crawls into the now wide open ring. The gremlins cheer! Vhodka hops onto the ring and waits for Mack to get up. He does and she slugs him across the face with the rolled up magazine. Mack staggers around. Vhodka takes another big swing...but Mack ducks...he pops back up and hits her with another HOLLOW POINT!!! Vhodka staggers back, dropping the magazine out of the ring. She then, out of instinct and trailer park pride, charges forward and hits Mack with SCREWDRIVER!!!! Mack hits the mat!! Vhodka hits the mat!! Both wrestlers are down as a gremlin sneaks near the ring to claim the magazine. Amby throws her arms in the air, outside the ring, a look of shock on her face as we exit the scene and head back inside toward Puffer’s ringing phone. We look at the screen~
ten
6:00am
Smith: One full hour of night left. We’re coming to the wire here...only Zombie Marcus is assured a spot in Episode 6.
Hood: Vhodka is beating Mack with a soiled porn magazine. Henri might be dead. Then again, LCP may be on the verge of it as well. Sounds like the curse is doing what it can to keep these psychos from reaching it.
Smith: At some point that curse is going to rise up and do everything in its power to keep from being killed...just as all living things do.
~We leave a snoring, hairy Puffer behind and make our way back up the stairs and into the Sauna. LCP is crawling across the wood floor, leaving a streak of sweat behind him. He reaches for the door, thinking he’s won...but the door remains locked. Behind him he hears a very breathy and raspy voice~
Henri Toussaint: Bitch.
~The temperature in the room hits 195F. Henri drags his body through the hole where he struggles to stand atop some of the wooden debris. He urges LCP to get up and fight him...LCP pulls himself up using the door handle and he leans against the door...both men’s legs are shaking. Both men are oozing sweat. The room is so hot and thick that there seems to be a fog making our visibility less than 100%. Both men lean into each other and lock up!! Their sides and stomachs expand and pull back rapidly as they gasp for air. Henri breaks free and hits a huge forearm uppercut!! Sweat flies into the air as LCP stumbles back against the wall. The temperature hits 200F~
Smith: It’s getting dangerously hot in there.
Hood: Getting? Shit’s been dangerously hot.
Smith: I can’t imagine how grueling this entire ordeal has been for both. It’s exhausting just watching them compete in those elements!
~Henri doubles over, gasping for air. LCP notices that Henri seems to be spent. LCP fires up and rushes forward throwing a knee into Henri’s face!!! It’s sloppy but it connects!! Henri’s body jerks back, violently as sweat fills the air. Henri leans against a broken, wooden wall. LCP runs forward and throws his body at Henri with a crossbody!! BOOM!! He connects before falling to the ground, wincing...maybe second guessing that move!! Henri, however, collapses forward, landing hard on the ground, gasping for air...his hands slowly feeling around the broken, sweat covered wood. LCP sees Henri is close to passing out and he fires up. He crawls forward and slowly rolls Henri onto his back before mounting him~
Smith: What’s LCP doing? He can’t pin Henri!
Hood: Only LCP knows and, to be honest, it’s a thought process I’m not eager to familiarize myself with.
Smith: Fair.
~The temperature hits 205F as the atmosphere seems to move like water. The images we’re presented being interrupted by invisible waves. LCP gets on top of Henri and grabs his exhausted arms...the then starts swinging them around, causing Henri’s hands to hit Henri in the face~
LC Pinkston: Stop hitting yourself!
~LCP says it with as much energy as he can muster~
LC Pinkston: Welcome to the Bitch List!
~He continues giving Henri Toussaint the ‘Big Brother’ as Henri appears on the verge of passing out. We dive down through the floor and into the Library where Zombie Marcus hears a low growl coming from inside the darkness behind the opened shelf~
Smith: LCP kinda mocking Henri...not sure I agree with that.
Hood: He’s establishing who the Dominant Bitch is.
Smith: I guess...meanwhile a situation is developing here in the Library.
Hood: Zombie Marcus’ stomach is growling something fierce!
~A pair of yellow eyes flash in the darkness~
Zombie Marcus: Argh!
~A creature leaps from the darkness and takes Zombie Marcus down!! It appears to be some kind of giant wolf creature!! Zombie Marcus struggles to fight it off as our view looks through the window into the moonlight before dashing back out into the yard where both Vhodka and Mack remain down on the mat. The Gremlins start to fire pistols into the air to try and wake them up. Mack’s eyes shoot open~
Smith: Zombie Marcus is being attacked by a giant wolf creature!
Hood: You think it’s that same thing we heard last week?
Smith: It has to be...but how did it get in the house?
Hood: I mean that house has shattered windows and wide open doorways. Might also be a giant hole on one side...not exactly Fort Knox, my man.
Smith: Ugh, Knox.
~Mack struggles to his feet. He holds his neck and jaw...Vhodka remains down. Mack grabs a handfull of Vhodka’s orange hair but she throws her legs up and kicks him in the face!!! Mack stumbles back and nearly falls off the mat into the grass. He reaches for the ropes, instinctively, but braces himself when he realizes they aren’t there. Vhodka hurries to her feet and she charges at Mack to knock him off the mat and into the grass...but Mack catches her!!! He has her hooked~
Smith: CLAYMORE!
Hood: Oh shit! Let’s go, Mack!
~Mack drags Vhodka toward the center of the ring. We see Amby roll in, ready. Mack hoists Vhodka up for his double armed Rock Bottom...but Vhodka pokes him in the eye and breaks free in midair. She wraps her body around Mack’s arms and takes him over with a Crucifix Pin!! It’s a modified Bent Fork Buffet!! Amby drops down for the count~
1!
2!
3...NO!
Smith: Mack kicked out, barely!
Hood: Nobody kicks out of the Bent Fork Buffet. Food is so rancid it takes down anybody who eats it.
Smith: More rancid than Arbys?
Hood: No comment.
~Mack gets to his knees as Vhodka scrambles to her feet. Mack charges forward, picking her up and drilling her into the mat with a Spinebuster!!! The Gremlins cheer with glee! Mack snags Vhodka by the hair and pulls her back up. He grabs her for another Hollow Point…but Vhodka breaks free with a knee into Mack’s lower gut. Mack stumbles back. Vhodka measures him up and charges forward with SCREWDRIVER!!! But Mack catches her!!~
Smith: Mack’s got Vhodka hooked for Claymore!
Hood: Good night white trash beautiful
~Mack hoists Vhodka high. Our view goes into slow motion as we see something materializing in the air...it’s the spirit of Outsiders Founder Mike Zybala!! “The Touch” by Stan Bush plays as Mike extends a finger...Vhodka reaches out, touching tips with spirit Zybala. She then breaks free from Mack’s grasp as Mike’s spirit returns to the ether. Mack has no idea what happened...Vhodka thrusts forward with a huge SUPERKICK!!!!! Mack is staggered!! Vhodka backs up, runs forward and hits SCREWDRIVER!!!! Mack collapses to the mat with a loud thud as the Gremlins go wild!!! Vhodka covers the OCW Hall of Famer...Amby trips over Mack’s leg and falls to the mat where she makes the count~
1!
2!
3!!!!!
~The Gremlins go wild~
Smith: Vhodka has done it! She’s eliminated Mack O’Connor!
Hood: What’s that...she’s like 2-0 against him?
Smith: Yep. She took his precious TransAtlantic Title away and now she’s taken a third OCW Title victory away from the man.
Hood: A thorn in his side...or a Bent Fork in his side!
Smith: Indeed!
~Vhodka sits up, wiping some of the blood from her face and leaving a red handprint on Mack’s chest. She rolls out of the ring where the Gremlins all cheer her on. They part like the Gremlin Sea and Vhodka makes her way back toward the house. We follow her all the way in as she steps into the entry way...the first wrestler to safely make it back. She sees Puffer fast asleep. She looks around...the entire place is empty~
Vhodka Black: Am I the only one? What time is it?
~Puffer’s phone goes off. She picks it up and looks at the clock~
eleven
7:00am
Smith: The sun is going to rise shortly!
Hood: LCP needs to stop big brothering Henri and get down to business!
Smith: Indeed!
~For the first time all night we head straight for the Library. A wild, hairy beast has Zombie Marcus pinned to the ground. It flashes it’s stained, jagged teeth. Snot and drool oozing from its mouth and nose. It’s yellow eyes glaring down at its future meal~
Zombie Marcus: ARGH!
~The moon begins to disappear as the sun starts to rise. The creature howls out in agony! It’s hair starts to recede back into it’s skin. It’s eyes begin to turn brown...it’s face adopting more human like features. Immediately it takes off and bursts through the Library door. Outside, Vhodka looks up~
Vhodka Black: What the fuck is that?
~The creature vanishes into a dark corner of the house before she can have any shot at identifying it. Her head turns toward the Library as Zombie Marcus staggers out...for the first time since we’ve gotten to know the Zombie he looks a little shaken. Vhodka nods and extends two fingers~
Vhodka Black: So that’s two of us...anybody else?
~She hears a loud bang against the Sauna door. Her and Zombie Marcus both turn and look toward the Sauna as our view heads that way through the door and back into the sweltering scene. The temperature now reads 210F~
Smith: I don’t know what that thing was but it took off when the sun started to rise.
Hood: Zombie Marcus got fuckin lucky.
Smith: Indeed.
~LCP continues to slap Henri in the head until he hears the “ARGH” from downstairs”~
LC Pinkston: My Zomboy.
~Henri is like ‘WTF’. He reaches up, rakes LCP across the eyes and flips him over...instantly Henri has LCP locked in Koupé Tèt (Rearnaked Choke with Grapevine)!!!! LCP gasps for air, reaching toward the ceiling. Inside the entry, Vhodka and Zombie Marcus can hear the commotion coming from within the Sauna as they both look outside and see the sun rising. We cut back inside the Sauna where the temperature has risen to 215F. Henri twists and chokes LCP’s head and neck~
Henri Toussaint: Tap, bitch!
~LCP spits frothy saliva in the air trying to clear his mouth for some oxygen. He gasps for air, his face about as red as it can get without exploding. The temperature hits 220F. LCP tries sitting up...he gets his head up a bit before throwing it back, violently! SMACK! His head hits Henri right in the face!! Henri’s grip weakens just enough for LCP’s sweat soaked body to slip free. LCP gets to all fours and gasps for air...he looks at the door and reaches for it...but his soaked hair is grabbed by Henri from behind...blood is leaking out of Henri’s nose down his mouth. He pulls LCP up, spins around, grabs LCP’s head and he drops him with Boulé Kay (Sister Abigail) right on top of the wood!!! We cut to the entry where Vhodka jumps when she hears the impact while Zombie Marcus lets out a ‘ARGH!!’. Sunlight begins to leak into the house through a window~
Smith: Henri has LCP laid out! Can he get to the door?
Hood: Is that what it’s going to take?
Smith: The sun is just about risen. I’d imagine whoever gets out of that room before it rises will be the winner.
Hood: CAN WE GET SOME CLARIFICATION?!
~We head back into the Sauna. Henri is on his back. LCP is face down. Henri gasps for air, reaching up and wiping blood from his face~
Voice: The sun is rising. The first competitor to reach the door and exit the Sauna before the sun has risen will be declared the winner. If both men fail to exit before the sun rises then both men will be eliminated.
~We cut to the entry way where Puffer starts to wake. All his hair is gone. Vhodka takes a seat on the table next to him, sitting with her legs crossed, staring up at the Sauna while Zombie Marcus clutches the packaged action figure set close. We head back into the Sauna~
Smith: Ending amended! First one to escape before the sun rises!
Hood: We may be down to just Zombie Marcus and Vhodka if they don’t answer the sun!
Smith: Indeed!
~Henri sits up and heads for the door, crawling over the broken wood...sweat pouring off his body. It now reads 230F inside the Sauna. You can almost feel the room pulsating, beating. Henri reaches for the door knob and he turns it. We cut outside as the door flies open!!! Zombie Marcus, Puffer, and Vhodka all look up and see Henri poking his head out~
Smith: Henri is about to claim victory!
Hood: He’s got to get all the way out, though!!
~Henri starts to crawl out when a voice yells behind him~
LC Pinkston: BITCH!
~Henri’s head is traumatized via a destructive blow as he disappears back into the dark Sauna. Steam pouring out of the room. We cut inside the Sauna to see what happened...LCP leaps off the wood with a CHRONIC KICK to the backside of Henri’s head, knocking him down and back into the room. We cut back to the entry way as Vhodka looks out the window at the sun nearly all the way risen over the horizon~
Smith: C’mon! Somebody!
Hood: LCP’s got this! Let’s go!
~Vhodka looks back up toward the door and sees a hand extend. It belongs to LCP! He gives the thumbs up! Vhodka claps! Zombie Marcus lets out a gleeful “ARGH!!!” However, Henri’s hand reaches out, grabbing LCP’s hand and bending, twisting his thumb. LCP yells out in pain as we cut back into the Sauna where we see Henri pulling LCP away from the door. Henri staggers to his feet...he pulls an exhausted LCP to his feet. Henri maintains a grip on LCP’s thumb~
Smith: We’re down to it, now. Next person that makes a move better get out of that room.
Hood: Yep. LCP may be forced to exit the room without his thumb.
Smith: That would be a big loss.
Hood: Definitely.
~LCP kicks Henri in the gut!! Henri doubles over, wincing in pain. LCP breaks free and puts his arm around the back of Henri’s head for Placentia Raised (Original Dirty Deeds). He pulls back on Henri’s head...but Henri breaks free and grabs LCP’s head and brings him down and into position for Boulé Kay (Sister Abigail). LCP slips free~
Smith: Neither man can get a good enough grip...they’re too sweaty!
Hood: And weak...I’m sure their grips are fucked.
Smith: Indeed!!
~Vhodka looks out the window. Puffer looks down at his phone. The sun is just about risen. And then, suddenly, a loud BANG!!! Huge impact from within the Sauna!!! Zombie Marcus, Vhodka, and Puffer all look up as the sun rises and a figure tumbles out from the Sauna and into the light~
Smith: We have a winner!
Hood: Finally!
~Laying at the edge of the second floor balcony is...~
twelve
Smith: LCP has survived!
Hood: What the fuck happened?
~LCP is gasping for air outside the Sauna as Zombie Marcus lets out a joyous “ARGH!” and Vhodka hops up onto the table, clapping. Puffer sighs with relief, holding his injured hand~
Smith: I’m told we’re going to get a replay.
Hood: We fuckin better.
~We see where LCP slips out of Boulé Kay. Henri immediately spins around and grips LCP with Koupé Tèt!!! But, again, LCP’s body is able to slip free and he smashes Henri in the face with an elbow before hooking him and dropping him with Placentia Raised!!! Henri’s face plants into the ground as LCP pops to his feet...he staggers, stumbles and tumbles out of the room~
Smith: There you have it! Henri was unable to secure a good enough grip on LCP and LCP manages to slip away with victory.
Hood: I think we can safely say that neither was a ‘bitch’ tonight.
Smith: Indeed. Those two went to war in the most stifling condition imaginable.
~The fans outside hold their breath as we see Henri stagger out of the Sauna. He looks down at LCP and extends his hand. LCP takes it and Henri pulls him up~
Smith: Nice show of sportsmanship here by Henri.
Hood: Ugh, it makes me...WHOA
~Henri then shoves LCP off the balcony!!! He falls all the way to the entry floor with a loud, terrible THUD! Puffer, Vhodka, and Zombie Marcus rush to check on him as Henri stumbles and staggers down the stairs. He reaches the front door and rips it open. He looks at the three remaining competitors...they look back at Henri. He points at all three of them and one by one he says “Bitch, Bitch, BITCH!” before exiting to unanimous boos from those in attendance~
Smith: Vile! Sickening!
Hood: Haha...okay I’m a Henri fan. Wish he was still alive in this.
Smith: Horrible attitude but Henri Toussaint is a name I don’t think we’ll be forgetting any time soon. That man is championship material wherever he goes.
Hood: No doubt.
~Puffer turns to exit the house and address the fans. He has a mic in his hand. He starts to speak~
Jack Puffer: ---
Smith: We can’t hear you, Puffer!
Hood: Turn the mic on!
Smith: C’mon, Jack!
~Puffer looks at the mic like it’s written in mandarin or something. Suddenly a giant hand reaches into view, taking the mic from him. It belongs to HARVEY MARX!! Harvey shows Puffer where the ‘on’ switch is and he turns the mic on. Jack thanks him and asks for the mic back. Harvey pats him on the chest and his strength sends Puffer falling back into the house. Harvey looks at the mic and then the fans and shrugs as if to say ‘Well, when in Rome.’ Marx brings the mic to his mouth~
Harvey Marx: What a night, right folks?
~The fans go wild~
Harvey Marx: Five entered and only three survived! With three episodes left each remaining competitor has a 1 in 3 shot at winning the OCW Title! Be sure to tune in next week for Episode 6 of Cursed Countdown! Until then I’m your special host Harvey Marx saying so long, everybody!
~The fans go wild “HARVEY! HARVEY! HARVEY!” as we get another shot inside the house with Vhodka and Zombie Marcus tending to LCP. Puffer is seated on his ass, knees to his chest, arms folded across his knees, a look of simmering rage on his face. We then head down into the basement. The walls crawl and the black, soiled OCW Title pulsates. The ghost of Cocco Ricci manifests~
Cocco Ricci: Tonight proved you can only skate for so long. Eventually the competition will catch up with you. Eventually the curse will find you and put you down if you aren’t prepared for its wrath.
~A shot of Mack O’Connor’s image fading out~
Cocco Ricci: A loud mouthed, brash rookie begged and begged for competition. Tonight he got it. And, perhaps, more than he bargained for. He ran up against the innovator of the Bitch List and together they waged war. The years have been kind to LCP showing that he has evolved from rookie to OCW Title contender. Will time be just as kind to Henri? I doubt we’ve seen the last of him.
~Henri Toussaint’s image fades~
Cocco Ricci: And to the final three competitors. A zombie. The bitch list innovator. And the forever runner up. You three have the opportunity to do something no other wrestler in OCW has been able to do...you three have the opportunity to break this curse and set the spirits of OCW free. We are all counting on you. Good luck.
~Cocco Ricco bows his head as we slowly fade out~