OCW Presents: Cursed Countdown
LIVE! Thursday, September 26th, 2024
From the Haunted OCW HQ in Key West
Episode 4 - "Like Hundreds"

It’s a somber Monday morning at OCW Headquarters. The staff inside are all shaken from what transpired a week prior. Matt Knox invading and assaulting Jim. Sure, nobody liked Jim but he was still one of their own and if it could happen to Jim it could happen to them.

The good captain, Roderick Slock remains at home dealing with the head trauma caused by Knox. Who’Re stands in charge as OCW GM Derek Mobley continues to oversee the ongoing Cursed Countdown.

“I still can’t get it out of my mind. The way he broke in here. The way he moved. It was like he was possessed.”

Who’Re shakes her head, still bothered by the scene from a week earlier.

“I do apologize for not being around to protect you, m’lady. I want you to know the locks have been doubled. I shall remain vigilant.”

Who’Re pats the Knife Man on the shoulder. The giant, deadly knife in his hands points up toward the ceiling.

“Thanks, Knifey. You’re the best.”

She kisses him on the cheek. The knife in his hand shakes like it’s about to explode or something. OCW ring announcer Belvedere pokes his head into the rec room.

“Ahem. He’s here.”

They perk up.

“Be gentle. He’s still down from last Thursday.”

Who’Re exits and finds Mike Zybala slowly walking down the hall. His head is down. The sting from his loss to Vhodka Black is far from numbed.

“You did great, Mike.”

Zybala has no response. He continues marching down the hall with Who’Re following, concern all over her face. Mike enters into an office with ‘Outsiders’ written across the door in black sharpie.

“Can I get you anything?”

Mike looks at his desk and the power ranger action figures. He slaps them off, sending them flying into the wall. Who’Re jumps back, shaken. Mike’s eyes turn to his mid 90’s computer. He boots it up. It churns and clicks and makes all kinds of struggling noises. The Windows 95 logo shows up.

“Some coffee while you wait?”

Zybala’s eyes are fixated on the discolored screen. His jaw tightens. The blue screen of death appears. He snaps, grabbing the monitor and slinging it into the wall where it shatters and sparks. Who’Re yelps, backing up into the doorway. Zybala trashes his desk, letting out some of that rage.

Silence.

He pauses. He tries to keep it under control. His eyes slowly turn toward Who’Re.

“Sorry. It’s just...it’s been tough.”

Who’Re slowly re-enters, patting Mike on the shoulder. He surveys the damage. The broken computer.

“Can you get Jim in here and see if he can fix this? I need to go over the Outsiders booking sheet again.”

She pauses. Stammers over her words a bit. This brings Mike’s concern up.

“What?”

“About that…”

Who’Re proceeds to explain Matt Knox’s intrusion one week earlier. Zybala listens in, finding a new target for his anger.

“And by the time we got to Jim’s office it was too late.”

“What do you mean too late?”

“He was gone. Knox took him somewhere.”

Mike mulls things over, running his hands through his hair.

“Nobody liked Jim, though, right?”

“Not really.”

“And we can get another computer guy, right?”

“I mean, sure….that probably wouldn’t be difficult. It’s just the issue with human life and all. Plus it’s got the staff pretty shaken up.”

Zybala thinks some more.

“Any idea what Knox wanted? Like...why Jim? Why didn’t he go after something more important?”

Who’Re hesitates.

“What is it, Who’Re?”

“He was looking for Welsh.”

Puzzled wouldn’t do the look on Zybala’s face justice.

“Welsh? Welsh is dead.”

“Knox seems to believe he’s alive.”

Zybala’s eyes widen.

“But Knox is clearly losing his mind. Obsessed with Welsh and everything that’s gone down between the two over the past year. He’s not thinking clearly.”

Mike’s eyes surf the room as his brain races. He mumbles to himself. His head starts to nod. He speaks to Who’Re without looking at her.

“Give me Jim’s address.”

“Are you sure? Knox is dangerous.”

“AND WHAT AM I CHOPPED LIVER?!”

Zybala’s outburst terrifies Who’Re. She rushes out of the room. Zybala instantly grabs control of himself.

“Who’Re! I’m sorry!”

Left alone in his disheveled office, Zybala continues to ponder a surprising scenario.

“Welsh alive? Knox looking for him? If Welsh is alive I’ve got to be the one to find him. I’ve got to find Knox.”

Zybala hops over some of the debris on his floor and exits his office. We follow him as he storms down the hallway. Staff members try to get a hello in but he ignores them, marching with a purpose. He SUPERKICKS the door to the parking lot open and our view points up toward the sky and the full moon shining down. We zoom in as the Cursed Countdown intro plays.

one

~The intro video ends and we cut back to the Haunted House. A group of fans have gathered outside once again to see if they can catch a glimpse of horror. The OCW merch booth is featuring some new items including the Zybala Xenomorph Vest! One fan buys it, lays down, pulls on a ripcord and a tiny xenomorphy rips out of the vest...it then throws a superkick before diving back into the vest. The fans standing around go wild! Signs around the beach kindly ask people to not go into the water. One fan casts a fishing line into the water because he’s a fuckin rebel who isn’t going to take no for an answer. His line straights under tremendous weight...he fights with it...it then pulls him into the ocean where he vanishes. Nobody says anything cause nobody sees it because Smith and Hood have the spotlight directed upon them~

Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Episode 4 of Cursed Countdown!!

~Huge ovation~

Smith: I’m your host Smith and alongside me, as always, is Hood!

Hood: Yep, as always. And always. And fuckin always.

Smith: Haha oh you love it!

Hood: I’ll kill you.

Smith: What was that?

~Odd silence~

Smith: Anyway! Last week we saw two gut wrenching eliminations as Vhodka Black eliminated Mike Zybala and the Unlikely Duo of LCP and Zombie Marcus eliminated Duce.

Hood: There weren’t two wrestlers in this competition more deserving of the OCW than Duce and Zybala so, of course, they get bounced before we reach the halfway point.

Smith: Classic OCW, baby!

Hood: You gonna get one of those Zybala vest things?

Smith: I don’t think so. I’m good with not experiencing tiny creatures bursting through my sternum.

Hood: Sounds like you’re afraid of L I V I N, man.

Smith: More like trying to avoid dying.

Hood: Then why the hell are you calling an event inside a house filled with ghosts and mummies and zybalas?

Smith: Because…

Hood: Internet girlfriends that model on cams aren’t cheap, I forgot.

Smith: Let’s just move along. Fans...last week 7 competitors entered and only 5 survived. This week 5 enter all looking to make it to another night. With five episodes left it’s going to be interesting to see if the attrition picks up or slows down.

Hood: Lots of Strategery going on...I know this because at least two wrestlers have sent me that GIF.

Smith: The wrestlers DM you?

Hood: Oh yea. Do they not DM you?

Smith: Uh sure they do. All the time! I just didn’t want you to feel left you.

Hood: Whatever.

Smith: Five names remain all five with a twenty percent chance to end the curse and leave OCW Champion. Henri Toussaint, LC Pinkston, Mack O’Connor, Vhodka Black, and Zombie Marcus...quite the Motley Crew, as they say.

Hood: Nobody says that.

Smith: At tonight’s conclusion we could remain at 5 or we could be all the way down to 1 it just depends on what room these competitors pick to spend the evening in.

Hood: Sauna, right? Somebody has got to pick the Sauna.

Smith: Eventually someone will...is tonight the night?!

~Smith’s voice raises. The fans chant “SAUNA! SAUNA! SAUNA!”~

Smith: There we go!

Hood: Everybody loves a good Sauna.

Smith: You know what else everybody loves? A good partnership! Let’s head over to our GM Derek Mobley as he continues to branch out and show some love to worthy promotions.

Hood: Wait...those exist outside of this place?

~We cut to Derek Mobley and Eugene standing on the porch in front of the house~

Derek Mobley: Hello fans! We are so happy to have all of you here and I’m pleased to announce that we had zero Casual Murders last week!

~A mix of happiness and disappointment from the crowd~

Derek Mobley: Still...make sure you sign those waivers if this is your first time attending an OCW event.

~We get a shot of The Knife Man walking around with his giant, deadly knife stabbed through a stack of papers. He politely extends the papers toward inquisitive guests so they can remove one and sign it~

Derek Mobley: Also...Eugene has something he’d like to say.

Eugene: Thanks -

~Eugene bumps into Derek and nearly falls down. Derek helps him up~

Eugene: Sorry about that. I always get a little excited when talking to people under a full moon. But, listen, I just want everybody to know that the situation at OCW HQ is under control. Jim is fine. Matt Knox is being treated by licensed medical professionals for whatever it is he’s got going on in that fine looking head of his and Mike Zybala is definitely not getting involved.

~The fans murmur~

Eugene: Also if you read any rumors about some kind of OCW vs Outsiders show simply dismiss it as journalistic tomfoolery. Slapdash reporting. Just a mishmash of desired fact and actual fiction.

~Derek puts his hand on Eugene’s shoulder to calm him down, stop him~

Derek Mobley: Thanks, Eugene.

Eugene: You got it, Derek!

Derek Mobley: Also, I’d like to once again remind everyone to check out WrestleMecca! A unique, once in a lifetime pro wrestling event featuring Brad Stokes…

Eugene: And Warrick!

Derek Mobley: Yes, and him too. Featuring so many great wrestlers in search of the island of WrestleMecca! It will air LIVE on WrestleFlix! So, be sure to get your subscriptions today...you won’t want to miss WrestleMecca!

Derek Mobley: Don’t miss it! Alright you crazy people...how about we give you what you came for?

~The fans chant “SAUNA!”~

Derek Mobley: Okay, I can’t promise that. But what I can promise is Episode 4 of Cursed Countdown is just moments away! Enjoy!!

~Derek and Eugene exit the front porch before shit starts to get spooky. We focus back on the announce team~

Smith: It’s nice to work with other promotions, don’t you think?

Hood: No. Have you seen other promotions? They’re basically AIDS. We’re sticking our dick into AIDS infested holes.

Smith: Gross. I…

Jack Puffer: Gentlemen!

Smith: Jack!

~Hood grabs his heart~

Hood: Geezus, man. Why are you always sneaking up on us like that?

Jack Puffer: Maybe you should pay closer attention so as not to…

~Jack trips and falls. He pops back to his feet~

Jack Puffer: Who’s ready for an exciting night? Huh? HUH?

Smith: I am!

Hood: How’s that neck, Jack?

~We get a shot of a scratch on Jack’s neck made by the ghost of Jade Spritz one week ago. He reaches for it, rubbing~

Jack Puffer: It’s been a little irritated but no big deal. Probably a spider bite or something.

~Hood laughs~

Smith: I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Jack Puffer: Anyway, I need to be heading inside...tonight could be the night, gentlemen. Tonight could be the night we crown a new OCW Champion!

Hood: Somebody get Harvey in here to announce it if it happens!

Jack Puffer: …

~Puffer glares at Hood his eyes almost seem to turn a shade of yellow. Hood’s brow furrows~

Hood: Just a joke, Puff.

~Puffer laughs~

Jack Puffer: Now who’s the bitch? Ahaha! Alright, well I’m heading inside...let’s get to the action!

~Puffer marches toward the house and hustles up the steps. The fans start to cheer. Puffer sees a spider and he stomps on it...the fans go wild! Puffer raises a fist before entering into the house~

Smith: Our host is in place which means we are about to get started.

Hood: He didn’t have to be such a dick.

Smith: You were making fun of Harvey upstaging him. That’s a very sensitive subject for Jack.

Hood: Yea? Well I hope Harvey keeps doing it. YEA I SAID IT

Smith: Alright fans...we’re nearing the witching out. It’s almost ten o’clock so let’s head inside and find out which rooms these competitors have chosen!

~No response from Hood~

Smith: You okay?

Hood: Wait for it...wait for it…

~Smith looks around and sees Amby Brooks heading for the house~

Smith: Somebody help that poor woman! Her shoulder can only take so much!

Hood: Wait for it…

~Amby walks up the steps as all the fans look on, waiting for it. She reaches the entry way and...the doors expand as she walks in without issue! The doors shrink back down to their regular size. The crowd nods and does some positive murmuring~

Smith: Well, what do you know.

Hood: Boo! Weak ass housing!

Smith: Alright fans, let’s head inside where Jack Puffer is ready to get this episode underway!

~We enter inside the Haunted House where Puffer lights a candle atop a dilapidated table. He pulls up a chair and swipes some of the dust off before turning his focus to the camera~

Jack Puffer: Hello everyone and welcome to Episode 4 of Cursed Countdown! Tonight 5 competitors enter this haunted abode with one goal and one goal only...killing this dreadful curse and claiming the original OCW Title!

~The fans outside cheer~

Jack Puffer: We’re near the ‘witching hour’ so let’s get this started...who’s up fir-

~The door is kicked open and the loud mouthed rookie approaches Puffer~

Henri Toussaint: Sak Pase

Jack Puffer: Henri! Good to see you!

~Puffer laughs, nervously as Henri gets in close, inspecting the Good Detective~

Jack Puffer: You, um, like it? It’s Brute. For Men.

~Henri backs up and spits on the ground~

Henri Toussaint: Smells like bitch.

~Puffer laughs and pats Henri on the chest while looking into the camera~

Jack Puffer: He’s joking. This is how we joke. Haha.

~Henri grabs Jack’s hand, pulls it from his chest and twists his fingers. Puffer winces, his face turning red. He nearly doubles over~

Jack Puffer: My...hand...Henri…

~Henri doesn’t let go~

Jack Puffer: Which...room…

~Henri lets go and Puffer grasps at his hand, holding it and wincing~

Henri Toussaint: Imma make this real short and sweet.

I knew they was a buncha bitches in this competition, but even I been amazed at how they all tryna dodge the rookie.

Ain’t I supposed to be the one runnin’ scared?

But I got Vhodka Black of all people goin’ room to room as soon as I leave knowin’ I can’t come back and blast her ass.

Then you got LCP and Ke’Derrion doin’ the Monster Mash night after night chasin’ Vhodka’s shadow.

And for what?

Another week of ‘safety’?

Only one person gonna walk outta this house with the OCW title around they waist. The hell does it matter if you lasted 1 week or 6? If you don’t win you just a bitch. Period.

So tonight Imma do something I ain’t never done in my life. I’m choosing NOT to fight. Imma take my business to that guest room and take a long ass nap so that next week yall bitches can’t follow me no more. Next week you won’t know where I’m headed and that’s when I’m the most dangerous.

~Puffer rubs his hand, fighting back the pain in his voice~

Jack Puffer: So you’re going to avoid them now? Two wrongs don’t make a right ya-

~Henri raises his hand. Puffer shuts up~

Henri Toussaint: Don’t be a bitch

~Toussaint glares at Puffer until Puffer breaks eye contact. Henri smiles and marches up the steps to the second floor where he opens the Guest Room door and slams it shut. Puffer jumps at the sound while holding his hand~

Smith: Henri seems a little put out right now.

Hood: Can you blame him? Everybody is dodging him? Nobody wants to tangle with the Haitian Sensation.

Smith: That’s a very dangerous man.

Hood: Glad he put the nerd Puffer in his place! Let’s go, Henri!

~Puffer brings his hand to his face and he kisses it trying to make it better...his eyes dart up and he immediately hides his hand behind his back~

Jack Puffer: Vhodka!

~Vhodka slowly paces toward Puffer giving him a wary eye~

Vhodka Black: Were you just kissing your hand?

~Puffer’s eyes dart back and forth~

Jack Puffer: Uh, no. That’s something a crazy person would do.

Vhodka Black: Do you not know how to kiss, Jack?

~Puffer stammers~

Jack Puffer: Uh...yes I know how to kiss. I’m actually a really good kisser. Like seriously.

~Vhodka gets in close~

Vhodka Black: I can teach you how to kiss. It’s better than that fuckin hand which I’m sure gets way too much use.

Jack Puffer: You’re joking, right?

~Vhodka gets in closer~

Jack Puffer: OMG you’re not joking...uh...yea, sure!

~Puffer closes his eyes and leans in...Vhodka smacks him in the forehead and shoves him back into his char. Puffer falls back and looks up~

Vhodka Black: Wow, that was way too easy.

~Puffer’s arms go limp as dejection takes hold~

Jack Puffer: What room?

Vhodka Black: Henri thinks I’m following him, right?

~Puffer brings his hand in close and holds it, tenderly~

Jack Puffer: Yes.

Vhodka Black: Great. Put me in the library.

Jack Puffer: But that’s exactly what he…

Vhodka Black: I know.

Jack Puffer: Then...why?

Vhodka Black: Because fuck him, that’s why. See you at 7.

~Vhodka smiles before pivoting and marching straight for the Library. She opens the door, enters, and slams it shut. Again, Puffer’s body jolts~

Smith: Well it’s all clear what Vhodka’s plan has been.

Hood: Avoid Henri until the end.

Smith: I’m not sure if it’s self preservation or mind games meant to frustrate the rookie...either way, it’s worked so far.

Hood: I just don’t know what she’s going to do in the Library. She can’t even read.

Smith: Yes she can!

~A bit crestfallen and mildly disappointed Puffer rubs his hand a bit. He extends it over his head and close it, opens it, closes it...working out the muscles. While it’s opened, another hand flies into view, giving him a high five. Puffer lets out a painful squeal and looks up to find LCP standing over him~

LCP: Yes I have been working out. Thanks for noticing. Was in the Weight Room last week.

Jack Puffer: Yes. I remember.

~Puffer grimaces, holding his hand as LCP looks down at his hand, impressed~

LCP: With great power comes great responsibility.

Jack Puffer: Lewis!

LCP: What!

~Puffer holds his hand and displays a look that indicates he’s already over this evening~

Jack Puffer: Do me a kindness.

LCP: What like a bunch of Ravens? You want Alexander, Knox and the almighty James?

Jack Puffer: What? No. Besides, that’s an unkindness.

LCP: Really?

Jack Puffer: Yes, really.

~LCP stares at Jack. Jack stares back. LCP slowly raises his hand~

Jack Puffer: Put your hand down! It’s not even that strong to begin with.

LCP: Whatever makes you feel better.

~LCP lowers his hand~

Jack Puffer: Which room!

LCP: Alright so I managed to stuff some of that pink cotton…

Jack Puffer: Insulation.

LCP: Sure, whatever. I managed to stuff some of that up the Zombie’s nose while he was eating...I can’t even remember. Something dead. And it’s totally thrown him off.

Jack Puffer: Great, terrific. Now, where are you going?

LCP: To the…

~LCP slowly raises his hand and gives Puffer a tough look~

Jack Puffer: Enough with the hand!

~He points at a room and widens his eyes~

LCP: The Backyard!

~Puffer wears a look of confusion. He looks where LCP is pointing~

Jack Puffer: That’s the Weight Room! The Backyard is BACK there!

~Puffer points. LCP continues staring at Puffer while slowly moving his pointed finger in the correct direction~

LCP: Exactly as I said.

Jack Puffer: Just go.

~LCP walks away, keeping his eye on Puffer...he reaches for the door, opens it, and steps outside. Puffer stares at the ceiling~

Jack Puffer: Duce and Knox are eliminated but LCP remains alive. What is wrong with this world.

Voice: ARGH!

~Puffer immediately covers his face~

Jack Puffer: Oh no

Smith: Jack is feeling it.

Hood: I don’t know what he’s being so dramatic about. He gets to sit in a house for 8 hours or whatever and get paid. Not like he’s doing any real work.

Smith: Zombie Marcus approaches...will he pick the same room as LCP? So far we have three wrestlers in three separate rooms.

Hood: Yep. No matches yet. But, c’mon, we know where Zombie Marcus is heading.

~Zombie Marcus stands over Jack. Jack looks up and sees the pink insulation plugged into his nostrils. He smirks and stands, reaching to remove it...but Zombie Marcus tries to bite his injured hand. Jack quickly pulls his hand back~

Jack Puffer: Easy, boy! Easy!

Zombie Marcus: ARGGGH!

~Puffer steps around the chair putting it between him and the Zombie. He, again, smiles~

Jack Puffer: Which room, Zombie Marcus?

~Puffer casually throws his head in the direction of the Backyard. Zombie Marcus stares at him~

Zombie Marcus: Argh.

Jack Puffer: I didn’t quite catch that...which room again?

~Puffer again throws his head in the direction of the Backyard...this time he points at it with his thumb as well~

Zombie Marcus: Arrrrgh.

Jack Puffer: Come again?

~Puffer points both thumbs at the Backyard while throwing his head violently in that direction~

Zombie Marcus: Arrggghhh

Jack Puffer: OMG WE DON’T HAVE AN ARGH ROOM!

~He calms down, noticing the Zombie leaning toward him~

Jack Puffer: But we do have a...Backyard!

~Puffer throws both hands at the Backyard in a ‘TA-DA’ motion~

Zombie Marcus: Aaaarrrgh.

~Zombie Marcus nods and heads for the Backyard~

Jack Puffer: Bout damn time.

~Puffer watches Zombie Marcus enter the backyard~

Jack Puffer: I guess Zombie Marcus has chosen the backyard. He will be competing against LCP tonight, again!

~Huge pop from the fans outside~

Smith: Well that’s one match.

Hood: Puffer kinda manipulated the system a bit there.

Smith: Indeed. It’ll be interesting to see how GM Mobley handles it.

Hood: If we don’t get another match...a different match...we might be looking at television death.

Smith: It’s up to one man. One man to save us.

~Puffer sits back down, holding his hand. A shadow overtakes him. He looks up, the candle flickering next to him. The black silhouette of a bald man dances over and around Puffer~

Jack Puffer: Mack.

Mack O’Connor: The fuck’s wrong with you?

~Puffer looks down at his hand...he looks back up at Mack, tears in his eyes~

Jack Puffer: Finally...somebody cared enough to notice. My hand…

Mack O’Connor: Whoa. I don’t want to know anything about your hand...especially the right one. I’m talking about your face.

~Puffer rears back, offended~

Mack O’Connor: Relax. I’m not calling you ugly. If were gonna do that I’d just say you look like a fuckin potato.

~Puffer frowns~

Mack O’Connor: What’s with this whole look.

~Mack motions around his chin while looking down at Puffer. Puffer reaches up and feels around...a thick, full beard his covering his face~

Jack Puffer: Oh, umm...wow. I guess I forgot to shave this morning.

~Mack raises an eyebrow~

Jack Puffer: Hey...you know what they say? Only the manliest of men can grow a beard like this in the span of…

Mack O’Connor: Nobody says that. Shut up.

~Puffer stops speaking. Mack surveys the house~

Mack O’Connor: I’m the last one to show up, aren’t I?

Jack Puffer: Yea.

~He eyes the doors. 8 rooms. Three occupied~

Jack Puffer: If you’re looking for a fight I can probably point you in a desirable direction.

~Puffer starts to lean toward the Backyard. Mack watches him~

Mack O’Connor: It smells out there. Hmm. Everybody’s been to the Weight Room except me, right?

~Puffer nods. The fans outside plead with Mack to pick another room~

Jack Puffer: Mack...if you go in there we won’t have any new matches tonight. C’mon, save us. Pick a room that I lean toward...so we can have a fresh fight!

Mack O’Connor: Hey!

~Puffer jumps~

Mack O’Connor: This whole not having a unique match thing? Not my fuckin problem. Weight room it is.

~The fans boo as Mack heads for the Weight Room. He opens the door and slams it shut. Puffer jumps again before leaning back, looking defeated. Some bits of debris fall from the ceiling into his hair as he reaches up, scratching his very thick, very full beard~

Smith: Wow. No new matches tonight.

Hood: Well that fuckin sucks.

~Puffer sighs, pulls out his phone and places it near the candle. He leans back and folds his arms~

two

10:00pm

Smith: So...no new matches.

Hood: I mean that appears to be the case.

Smith: I’m disappointed.

Hood: You’re disappointed? I’m the one that’s gotta sit here next to you with nothing new to call for 9 straight hours.

~Puffer scratches his beard as we head into the backyard. LCP sits with his legs dangling over the edge of the grave. His palms find the dirt and he leaps back, staring up at the moon, relaxing~

LCP: Ahhh

Voice: Arrgghhhh

~LCP’s eyes widen. The veins in his neck bulge. His jaw tightens. Slowly, his head turns as he sees Zombie Marcus, nose full of pink insulation, heading his way~

Smith: LCP looks stressed.

Hood: I mean how do you beat a zombie? He’s fought all night with that thing three straight episodes...he can’t kill it. So if it’s a fight to the death...I’m sorry to say that’s a fight LCP can’t win.

~Zombie Marcus reaches LCP and swipes at him...LCP groans, leans and rolls out of reach. He crawls toward two wooden doors that appear to lead toward a cellar. He opens them up and crawls inside. Zombie Marcus heads that way. LCP slams the doors shut behind him and locks them. Zombie Marcus grabs the metal handles and yanks on them...but they’re locked shut. He can’t get in~

Smith: Uhh...where did LCP go?

Hood: No clue. Hell, maybe?

Smith: You think he went to hell.

Hood: I mean he went underneath this haunted house.

~Our view zooms past Zombie Marcus and inside the house, into the Wine Cellar. The door to the collection of wine is open. A wall opens and LCP stumbles out. He turns, shoving the wall back into place before staggering toward the bar outside the collection of wine and taking a seat, leaning forward~

Smith: LCP is in the Wine Cellar!

Hood: Is this legal?

Smith: I’m being told since Jack Puffer manipulated the rooming situation that...yes! It’s legal!

Hood: Oh great so we go from 1 rehashed match to absolutely zero matches.

Smith: Evidently.

Hood: WEAK ASS BOOKING

~We cut to a shot of Puffer looking over the layout of the house. His eyes pop~

Jack Puffer: Wait...we have a Sauna?

~Puffer stands and heads up the staircase. He heads toward the forgotten room. He looks down at the map~

Jack Puffer: I had no idea. We have a Sauna, everybody! Maybe I’ll get me a nice sweat while I wait the night to end.

~Puffer opens the door and a demonic quack is fired his way. He instantly slams it shut~

Jack Puffer: Nevermind. I’m good in my usual spot.

~Puffer hurries back down the stairs and reclaims his seat~

Smith: Our first view of the Sauna.

Hood: Was that a quack?

Smith: Sounded like a duck, yea.

Hood: No, no, like a bad doctor.

Smith: Only thing bad around here is your ‘humor’. Let’s check in on the competitors.

~We cut to the Wine Cellar. LCP puts his forehead down on the bar when a voice speaks out~

Voice: Lew

~Slowly, he lifts his head but sees nothing. We exit the Wine Cellar and float past Puffer who continues scratching at his beard. We enter the Library. Vhodka looks down at the burn pile in the middle of the room. She picks up a piece of book that remains discernible. She sees the word ‘Thad’ and immediately drops it back into the burn pile before wiping her hands against each other. She slides her hands along her latex as she peruses the books. A voice calls out~

Voice: Mrs. Black. Are you up for an adventure?

~She pauses and looks over her shoulder, eyebrow raised. We exit the Library and head outsider where Zombie Marcus continues pulling on the wooden doors, trying to get to LCP. Suddenly, a voice calls out from within the grave~

Voice: Zombie Marcus. Are you up for an adventure? Would you like to win a prize?

~Slowly, Zombie Marcus turns his head and staggers for the grave. We float upward and into the Guest Room. Henri Toussaint surveys the roomscape. He sees broken glass belonging to a framed picture with Vhodka’s face on it...the picture is defiled with dicks. While crouched over, looking at the picture, his hand touches the floor and finds sand. A curious residue. He pops to his feet as a voice calls out~

Voice: Sak Pase Mr. Toussaint. Are you up for an adventure? Would you like to win a prize? Are you game?

~Henri claps his hands together and smiles. We exit the Guest Room and make our way down to the Weight Room. Mack is laying face down on the bench with his head to the side. His eyes are closed and his face looks quite comfortable~

Voice: Mack.

Mack O’Connor: No.

Voice: Mack.

Mack O’Connor: Go away.

Voice: Mr. O’Connor. Are you up for an adventure? Would you like to win a prize? Are you game? Care to…

Mack O’Connor: Shut the fuck up!

~We get a split shot of all five rooms. An arcade game manifests in each room with an 8 bit touch screen. A simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’ appear. The wrestlers much choose~

Smith: They all gonna play arcade games?

Hood: I’m down for some Ms. Pacman.

~Henri, Vhodka, LCP all hit yes. Zombie Marcus lets out a ‘Argh’ and punches the machine...his fist hits yes. We zero in on Mack, ignoring the machine. It starts to flicker~

Voice: Mr. O’Connor if you don’t hurry I’m afraid you’ll miss out.

~Mack starts to snore. The arcade game blinks faster and faster...it’s about to disappear. Until! The spirit of CJ O’Donnell appears...he’s still wearing his flannel shirt that he couldn’t remove in Mack’s dream. He looks down at Mack and snarls. He reaches over and slaps ‘yes’ on the arcade screen before he vanishes~

Voice: Thank you for your selection, Mr. O’Connor.

~Mack’s eyes open wide as his room stars to move and shake and crawl. The bench disappears and Mack falls hard on the ground. He grunts and grimaces~

Mack O’Connor: Fuckin bullshit.

~Mack picks himself up and feels...different. He heads for a mirror and stares into it. The reflection he sees horrifies him. He’s got a thick patch of hair around his head. Bald on top. A light blue headband. He’s wearing a muscle shirt that only covers half his midsection. It’s light blue with a red ‘ESPRIT’ across the chest. His red shorts are very, very short. He’s got knee high sock with a mixture of red and light blue stripes tucked into his white nike’s with a red swoosh. He stares at the image, dumbfounded as ‘Faith’ by George Michael starts to play. We hear an alarm go off and we exit the Weight Room heading back into the entry way where Puffer is once again fast asleep. The screen on his phone is displayed~

three

11:00pm

Smith: Mack looks different. I kinda like it. He’s like a Mack Daddy.

Hood: The fuck did you just say?

Smith: Nothing. Nevermind.

~A loud scream comes from the Weight Room as Puffer and his entire surroundings vanish. The door to the Weight Room is kicked open and 1980s workout junkie Mack O’Connor steps out, fuming. He rips his headband off and throws it at the ground. But it hops back onto his head. Faith by George Michael continues to play in a haunting acoustic that’s both distant and near. Mack looks around and doesn’t see the entry room to the house anymore. He doesn’t hear the fans. There is no Puffer. Instead he finds himself at the center of a Mall from the 1980s~

Smith: Oh wow. This brings back memories.

Hood: Loved the mall back in the 80s, man!

~Mack looks over his shoulder and sees “Mack Daddy’s Sweat Shop” in neon blue letters above him. Below is an empty workout room with his face painted on the wall. It’s clear he hates every bit of this. Slowly he turns and sees a Waldenbooks store. A loud ‘WHAT THE FUCK’ emanates from within as Vhodka Black emerges carrying a Silence of the Lambs hardcover. Her hair is heavily sprayed with a massive ponytail done up on the left side. She’s sporting thick rimmed glasses, acid jeans and a loose t-shirt hanging off one shoulder with a bra strap visible. She sees Mack and her anger instantly morphs to humor as she points and laughs. Mack looks back at her~

Smith: Vhodka looking like the attractive 80s bookworm.

Hood: You hang out with a lot of those, did ya?

Smith: I tried.

~Mack is about to say something mean when an Orange Julius appears and out steps LCP. He’s carrying a thick glass bottle of orange liquid. His hair is long and heavily sprayed, like Vhodka’s. He’s wearing a leather jacket unbuttoned with nothing on underneath. Tight leather pants and boots makeup the rest of his aesthetic. He’s got several bracelets around his wrists. He looks down and then back up...~

Mack O’Connor: Is that…

Vhodka Black: Griffin Hawkins?

Mack O’Connor: Sure.

Vhodka Black: Can’t be. He’s left the bathroom.

LCP: Oh like you two can talk. We got 1980s horror movie girl next door over here followed by the unholy love child of Mr. Clean and Richard Simmons.

Mack O’Connor: I’m going to kill you.

Voice: Hey!

~Everyone turns and looks up on the second floor where Henri Toussaint steps out of a giant Montgomery Ward. He’s carrying a metal purge mask. He’s wearing a red leather jacket and tight black pants. He has a glove on one hand and his hair is done up in a Jheri Curl. Mack, LCP and Vhodka all look up and laugh~

Henri Toussaint: Bitches.

LCP: Maybe you should look at the Man in the Mirror.

Vhodka Black: Watch out we got a Smooth Criminal.

~They look to Mack. He stares up at Henri, annoyed~

Mack O’Connor: Beat it.

~Vhodka and LCP howl with laughter as Mack never breaks a smile. Henri grips the mask in his hand and prepares to leap from the second floor onto all three of them~

Voice: ARGH

~Zombie Marcus staggers in from the parking lot. He looks...well like he always looks~

Vhodka Black: How creative.

LCP: Ah shit here we go again

~The five aren’t sure what to do...but if left to their own devices much longer a brawl will break out so a voice calmly speaks out over the intercom~

Voice: Hello Patrons and Welcome to the OCW Mall of the 80s.

Vhodka Black: That’s the best they could come up with?

LCP: It is kinda lame.

Voice: Over the next several hours you will be attacked by evil aliens. Aliens from outerspace. Your objective is to kill these aliens and force them back into their spaceship to save the world from extinction. The wrestler who racks up the most kills will be allowed to know the room one wrestler has chosen for next week’s episode.

~That gets their attention~

Voice: Happy Hunting. See you all at sunrise.

~The intercom clicks off. All five wrestlers look at each other as if they are the aliens~

LCP: If we have to kill each other I volunteer the Zombie as the first one to go.

~The ground starts to shake. The wind picks up. The doors to the front of the mall fly open~

Smith: Something is landing, Hood!

Hood: NOT MORE ALIENS

~The five OCW stars turn toward the doors awaiting something. Nothing comes. Then, from all around, emanating from every store they hear low growls. Deep voices that are barely discernible. The heavy waddling of giant, fat feet. Each wrestler’s eyes dart back and forth. Mack, Vhodka, and LCP get back to back to back, anxious about what’s coming. Zombie Marcus reaches to his nose to pick it but finds the insulation...he starts to rip it out. Henri turns, facing Montgomery Ward where the same sick, weird noises are sounding~

Smith: What is…

Hood: Well these aren’t Xenomorphs.

~The clothes at the front of Montgomery Ward start to move. An Orange Julius machine falls over. The lights in Mack’s workout room flicker on and off. A book shelf falls over in Waldenbooks~

Henri Toussaint: Holy shit.

LCP: What the fuck are those things?

Vhodka Black: Killer Klowns.

Mack O’Connor: Ugh. From outer space.

~A giant clock near the roof of the mall chimes twelve times~

four

MIDNIGHT

Smith: Hood we got Killer Klowns from Outer Space.

Hood: Okay so I know the movie is more comedy than horror but it freaked me the fuck out when I was younger.

Smith: I still can’t watch it.

Hood: Yea see those two things aren’t alike. I’m a grown man you’re still a bitch.

~Mack, Vhodka, and LCP remain back to back to back, huddled against each other as these corpulent, grotesque clowns waddle their way out of the stores and toward them. Henri leans up against the second floor railing frozen like the trio beneath him. Only Zombie Marcus seems at ease with the situation. A fat clown approaches Zombie Marcus and it reaches for the flower on its shirt. Some liquid squirts out that burns Zombie Marcus on the face...looks like acid. Zombie Marcus doesn’t react~

Smith: Acid has no impact on a zombie!

Hood: Of course not...he’s already dead...what you gonna do, kill him twice?

~The clown looks confused. Zombie Marcus growls and jumps on the clown!! The trio huddled together watch as Zombie Marcus rips away at the clowns face, tearing thick layers of fat off before ripping some meat away from the clowns face and chewing on it. They all recoil. Henri, too, watches from the second floor...a sense of confidence seems to fill him~

Smith: They can be killed!

Hood: Yea, no shit. The voice said that. Fuck’s sake, man. Do your job.

Smith: I am!

Hood: Well do it better.

~A clown approaches Henri and it’s carrying a pie. Henri has a pretty good idea what’s in that pie and it isn’t whipping cream~

Hood: More like killing cream.

Smith: Wow

~Henri kicks the pie out of the clown’s hand and takes the metal purge mask, grips it with both hands and he hits the clown in the head! He hits him again and again and again! The clown falls to the ground as Henri smashes the mask into its head...blood squirts and spurts everywhere, over the railing. Vhodka, LCP and Mack scatter to avoid getting hit. Henri stands, blood all over his purged mask and as mile on his face~

Smith: Henri doing work!

Hood: He can’t let a Zombie beat him, that’s for sure.

Smith: Indeed!

~The trio at the center of the mall nod. Vhodka grips her book. LCP grips his glass bottle of orange drink. Mack clinches his fists. The clock overhead chimes once~

five

1:00am
Henri Toussaint – 1
Zombie Marcus – 1
LC Pinkston – 0
Mack O’Connor – 0
Vhodka Black – 0

Smith: We’re off and running! A side quest since there aren’t any matches...the winner gets to know the location of ONE wrestler at next week’s episode of Cursed Countdown!

Hood: Let’s find out who the #1 clown killer is.

~Vhodka’s eyes light up. She grabs hold of her Silence of the Lambs book and charges forward. She nails an unsuspecting clown in the head, taking him down. She beats on him and beats on him and beats on him until he stops moving. She pops up, fist in the air~

Vhodka Black: Put it on the board!

Voice: I am sorry but that one doesn’t count.

Vhodka Black: Excuse me what the fuck?

Voice: That is a fan of the Insane Clown Posse NOT a Killer Klown.

~Everyone turns and looks and, yep...it’s a juggalo. No idea what he’s doing there but he’s gone. Vanishing from existence. Mack and LCP look at Vhodka like “Damn you just killed a fake real person~

Vhodka Black: Totally worth it.

~A growling clown approaches Vhodka with a box of chocolates. He starts to open them...she delivers a high knee, knocking the box out of his hands. She then rips a page out of her book and slices the clown across it’s fat, wrinkly throat. Blood spurts all over the place as the clown drops to one knee. Vhodka knees it in the face before slamming her white KEDS shoe into the clown’s face, crushing it. Her shoe forever stained with clown blood~

Voice: Okay, that counts.

~Vhodka does a very Bent Fork like curtsy. LCP fires up. A clown waddles his way holding a water gun. It slowly raises the water gun and primes it. LCP slams his glass bottle of juice into the clown’s face. The clown staggers, shaking it off. LCP does it again...but the clown remains standing~

Mack O’Connor: Oh for fuck’s sake.

~The clown raises the water gun at LCP. Mack shoves LCP out of the way and punches the clown in the face...his entire fist going through the clowns head. The clown collapses, dead. Another clown sneaks up behind Mack...Mack reaches back, snaring the clowns head in his arm...he flexes his bicep and the clown’s head explodes. Mack stares down at his blood soaked bicep. Vhodka, LCP, and Henri stare at him~

Mack O’Connor: Yea, I work out.

~The clowns continue to file in as the clock above them chimes out twice~

six

2:00am
Mack O’Connor – 2
Henri Toussaint – 1
Vhodka Black – 1
Zombie Marcus – 1
LC Pinkston – 0

Smith: Mack O’Connor with the lead! The man is quietly cruising through this competition and now he looks to gain a pretty cool advantage!

Hood: He’ll just use it to avoid people.

Smith: Is that such a bad strategy?

Hood: Not at all. I try to avoid people all the time.

~Need You Tonight by INXS starts to play throughout the mall. Henri goes to work with his purge mask. He crushes the skull of one clown. He smashes the brains of another all over the floor. He hip tosses one over the railing all the way to the bottom where it explodes right in front of Zombie Marcus. Zombie Marcus fires up and grabs the limb of the clown Henri just destroyed. He throws it at a clown, knocking the clown down. Zombie Marcus dives on top of that clown and rips it’s face off with his teeth. Another clown reaches for Zombie Marcus but gets a hand through the chest as Zombie Marcus rips its heart out~

Smith: Holy smokes...carnage!

Hood: You’re not kidding. These clowns aren’t exactly made of the sturdiest material.

Smith: Thank goodness for that!

~Vhodka hold a sheet of paper in each hand. One clown reaches for her, she slits its throat. Another clown approaches from her other side, she slits its throat...she takes both clowns and smashes their heads together, they explode, covering her in blood and brains. Mack punches the head clean off one of the clowns. He walks over, picks it up and throws it at another clown, smashes its skull open and taking it out~

Smith: Parents I hope you put your children to bed before tonight’s show.

Hood: Kids got the internet, man. This ain’t nothing.

Smith: I hate how true that statement is.

~LCP slips and slides on the blood and guts that now cover the main hub of the mall. He stumbles toward a Foot Locker. Once inside he is taken in by the apparel. So much vintage shit. He grabs a track suit and looks at it in the mirror. Some grumbling steals his attention. It’s a clown holding a figure skate...the blade looking extra sharp. LCP holds the track suit up next to him~

LCP: What you think?

~The clown grumbles and drops the figure skate. It pulls a camera out from its pocket~

LCP: Yea? Take a picture with me wearing it? Sweet.

~LCP throws his frizzy blonde hair back and tosses the track suit jacket on. He goes to put on the pants and asks the clown if it can turn around to give him some privacy. The clown waddles around, giving his back to LCP. LCP slips the pants on and then places his foot up on a bench and poses all casual like~

LCP: Alright. Shoot.

~The clown turns around holding the camera up~

Smith: No LCP! NO!

Hood: Fuckin idiot!

~The clown’s finger reaches the photo button. It’s about to press when suddenly its head gets ripped clean off its shoulders. Blood splatters all over LCP and his track suit~

LCP: What the FUCK!

~Mack holds the clowns head, tossing it aside~

Mack O’Connor: Are you fuckin stupid or something? That clown was about to kill you.

LCP: You’re just jealous because I make this look good.

~Mack points at the mirror. LCP turns and sees he’s back in his black leather jacket and pants. He curses~

LCP: And why did you save me, anyway?

Mack O’Connor: I don’t know...just feels like we should be saving each other.

LCP: Fair.

~The clock chimes three times~

seven

3:00am
Mack O’Connor – 5
Henri Toussaint – 4
Vhodka Black – 3
Zombie Marcus – 3
LC Pinkston – 0

Smith: Mack retains the lead and LCP is fading!

Hood: Guy just wanted to look hard in a vintage track suit. Is that so wrong?

Smith: When you’re trying to murder killer klowns, yea.

Hood: I feel ya, LCP. You do your thing and fly, my man. FLY

~LCP hears the tally. He knows he’s falling pretty far behind. He follows Mack out of the Foot Locker. A clown walks up to LCP and he smashes him in the head with the juice bottle...but it doesn’t do much. The clown roars and reaches for LCP...LCP yelps, ducks and takes off. He slips and falls sliding toward the feet of Vhodka. She looks down, about to kill him but sighs when she sees who it is~

Vhodka Black: I almost killed you. Get up!

~LCP slips and slides, reaching his feet~

LCP: How many have you killed?

~Vhodka takes both arms, crosses them and then extends her arms out to her side, decapitating an approaching clown with the paper in her hands. She turns to LCP~

Vhodka Black: I think that’s four. You?

LCP: Uh...one and a half?

Mack O’Connor: ZERO

Vhodka Black: LEWIS

LCP: My weapon sucks.

~Vhodka sees the glass bottle in his hand and looks back at LCP~

Vhodka Black: I’m using paper.

~LCP starts to panic a bit. He looks over and sees Zombie Marcus chewing into the neck of another clown. The clown is still alive...LCP slides in atop the blood covered floor and slams his bottle into the clown’s head, trying to steal a kill. The clown’s head falls off. Zombie Marcus looks up, the clowns tongue hanging from his mouth. LCP looks at Zombie Marcus~

LCP: That’s mine.

Zombie Marcus: ARGH

Voice: Sorry, Lew. That one goes to Zombie Marcus.

LCP: OH COME ON

~They look up and see Henri fighting with a massive clown. We’re talking almost Bifford huge. He’s struggling as the clown leans in, flashing it’s sharp, brown teeth. Henri grips his purged mask and he jams it into the clown’s throat!! Blood gushes all over Henri. Another clown grabs him from behind as he’s starting to get swarmed. LCP looks over at Mack like ‘do we help him?’ Mack gives a look that says ‘fuck him’. Henri snapmares the clown over and into the fat clown...the two clowns are stacked against the railing. Henri backs up and takes off...he jumps off a bolted down bench and drives both knees into the clowns with a METEORA!! The weight causes the railing to snap and the three beings crash to the ground with Henri on top! The two clowns explode with blood soaking the other four competitors. Henri rises, wiping the blood from his hairstyle~

Henri Toussaint: That’s two.

~Mack nods as if to say ‘impressive’~

Vhodka Black: Hi Henri.

~Vhodka smiles. Henri looks at her. The clock overhead chimes 4 times~

eight

4:00am
Henri Toussaint – 6
Mack O’Connor – 5
Vhodka Black – 4
Zombie Marcus – 4
LC Pinkston – 0

Smith: Henri is surging!

Hood: He’s got the lead. I’ve never seen a wrestler talk more and get talked about less.

Smith: People always try to big league the rookie. It usually works...but not in this instance. They’re all on a level playing field.

Hood: People need to put some respect on Henri’s name and treat him like what he is...a star.

~A large clown sneaks up behind Vhodka. Henri decides not to warn her...but she sees a look in his eyes. She spins around and cuts the clown’s neck open before backing up and leaping forward with a Screwdriver that pops the clown’s head off. She rises and eyes Henri. He smiles. She points behind him...he spins around to find a clown bearing down on him. But Zombie Marcus tackles it and rips it’s throat wide open. Henri backs up, staring down at the raw brutality of Zombie Marcus~

Smith: Henri left Vhodka out to dry but she gave him a heads up.

Hood: Seems like some mind games out there, Smith.

Smith: Eventually all paths will cross. You can’t avoid each other forever.

~Mack O’Connor smells something delicious. He turns and spots the In-Mall Movie Theater. The popcorn machine is going with a clown working the kettle, smiling at Mack. Mack doesn’t like the way that clown is smiling at him so he marches toward the standing blood on the floor toward the theater. Henri sees some clowns putting a Sbarro pizza inside a box and he heads that way. Vhodka hears PAC MAN noises and notices a few clowns inside the nearby video arcade...that way she goes. LCP looks over at Zombie Marcus. He rises, his stomach beginning to protrude a bit. The chime of a bike bell grabs both their attention. They turn to see a smaller clown riding a bike toward them...he’s holding a laser gun~

Smith: Uh oh! A drive by clowning is in the works!

Hood: I would hate to be a victim of that shit.

~LCP throws his foot into the front wheel and the clown goes flying right into Zombie Marcus’ arms. Marcus rips the clowns chest open and feasts as the clown lets out a low growl. LCP throws his arms up, frustrated. Inside the arcade we see Vhodka watching one of the clowns play Pacman. Slowly the clown looks up and glares at Vhodka. She takes it by the head and rams it’s face into the video game screen before slamming the back of it with her book, caving in its skull~

Voice: Vhodka with 6. Marcus with 6. Henri with 6.

Smith: Uh oh

Hood: Six Six Six

~A portal begins to open. It makes a bunch of demonic sounds. Horrible chanting~

Mack O’Connor: Fuck. One of you kill a clown...NOW.

~Henri blindsides the clown at Sbarro with his purge mask. He drags the clown into the cooking area where a sizzling flat grill stained with grease simmers. He jams the clown’s face into the grill. The clown yells, waving it’s arms...Henri holds its face there until the clown stops moving and falls to the ground. The evil portal closes~

Smith: Whew, that was close.

Hood: Like an evil combination. Let’s stay away from those three numbers moving forward.

Smith: Good idea.

~Zombie Marcus smells the burnt clown flesh and he rises, heading for Sbarro. Henri sees him coming and hurries to get out of the kitchen. He isn’t fast enough...Zombie Marcus reaches Henri and grabs him, lunging for his throat! Henri tries to fight Zombie Marcus off as the other three competitors watch on. Henri looks to Vhodka for help but she folds her arms. Henri slips on some blood and falls to the ground...Zombie Marcus stands over him~

Smith: Henri’s in trouble! What happens if one of the wrestlers dies in here?

Hood: Dude you are asking me shit that is above my pay grade. I can only assume it would be ‘not good’.

~LCP, all alone, sees a clown heading his way. He looks down at his glass bottle...it’s now or never. He jumps up and smashes the bottle in the head of the clown! The clown hits the ground and slides back atop the blood. It slides all the way toward Sbarro where it runs into Zombie Marcus. Zombie Marcus turns and dives on top of the clown, eating it alive. LCP’s excitement immediately gives way to frustration as Henri gets to his feet and puts some distance between himself and Zombie Marcus. The clock goes off and chimes five times~

nine

5:00am
Henri Toussaint – 7
Zombie Marcus – 7
Vhodka Black – 6
Mack O’Connor – 5
LC Pinkston – 0

Smith: It’s a tight one between two of the most offensive wrestlers in the field.

Hood: One with his words and the other with his mouth.

Smith: Fair.

~A loud howl sounds outside the Haunted House. Smith and Hood shake. Fans outside scream~

Smith: The heck was that?

Hood: Sounded like a wolf. A big, bad wolf.

Smith: You don’t think…

Hood: PUFFER?!

~We cut to a shot of Puffer. He’s asleep in his chair, still sporting the full beard~

Smith: Okay it wasn’t him.

Hood: I mean that could’ve been just a regular wolf, right?

~Hood and Smith stare at each other. A fan is heard yelling, “I just saw this hairy monster! It looked like a man wolf!”~

Smith: Oh no.

Hood: We’ve got a man wolf.

~We cut back to the mall setting. Mack O’Connor kicks in the door to the concession of the in theater mall. The clown making the popcorn turns around and giggles offering him some blood red popcorn. Mack rips the clown’s nose off, blood squirts in his face. He turns the clown around and slams its head through the glass window of the popcorn machine before driving it’s throw through a sharp piece of glass, killing it. Vhodka, Henri, and LCP all watch from afar. Mack rips the clown’s head off and he turns around and throws it as hard as he can against the wall~

LCP: So angry.

~Mack breaks open the candy casing and takes a box of Mike and Ikes. The selection isn’t great~

Henri Toussaint: Why you dodgin me?

~Vhodka turns around~

Vhodka Black: Who said I’m dodging you?

Henri Toussaint: I do.

~Henri towers over Vhodka but she doesn’t back down. She smiles at him daring him to do something about it. LCP looks back into the theater where Mack stares at a Die Hard poster with ‘Now Showing’ above it. He runs his blood soaked hand across the face of Bruce Willis. A clown walks up next to Mack. Mack turns and says something to the clown. The clown shakes it’s head ‘no’. Another clown walks up. Mack says something to this clown. This clown also shakes it’s head no. Mack throws down his Mike and Ike’s. He grabs the two clowns by their wacky clown hair and crushes their faces into each other, killing both. Mack storms out of the theater~

Mack O’Connor: Die Hard is a fucking Christmas movie! Anybody wanna say otherwise?

~LCP puts his hands up before pointing at Vhodka and Henri who seem ready to come to blows. A clown staggers up toward Vhodka and it looks oddly like Henri. She and shoves Henri back before lunging at the clown and hitting SCREWDRIVER!! The clown goes down and Vhodka crushes it’s throat under her heel. She stands up and smirks at Henri. LCP laughs~

LCP: Haha! She got you!

~Henri kicks some blood into LCP’s face. He shuts his eyes and spits some of the blood out~

LCP: Fuck! Hepatitis much?! Geezus

Henri Toussaint: Bitch.

~Henri sees a female clown reaching for him that kinda looks like Vhodka. Henri wraps his body around the clown and takes it down, sliding the purged mask over it’s face. He’s got a rear naked choke with a grape vine applied. He pressures and twists and squeezes until the clown’s body tears apart. Henri stands up, holding the mask. He throws it at Vhodka~

Vhodka Black: I wasn’t purged you dick.

~She throws it back at him~

Henri Toussaint: You bout to be.

~Again they look ready to come to blows until Mack puts and arm between them. They look at him~

Mack O’Connor: The clowns. I think they’re leaving.

~All four competitors look around and see the clowns waddling back into the stores, vanishing behind the merchandise. They turn and see Zombie Marcus eating two more fresh clowns. Mack looks upward~

Mack O’Connor: What’s the tally?

~The clock chimes out six times~

ten

6:00am
Zombie Marcus – 9
Henri Toussaint – 8
Mack O’Connor – 8
Vhodka Black – 7
LC Pinkston – 0

Smith: I think things are calming down around here. Whatever that man wolf type creature was seems to have vanished.

Hood: Thank goodness. You gotta believe that’ll come into play at some point.

Smith: Chekhov’s Manwolf.

Hood: Anyway...one hour left and Zombie Marcus is leading the pack!

Smith: And those clowns have had enough. Will the other four fight to out number Marcus or are they going to let him win tonight’s side quest?

~We cut back to the mall. The other four feel a sense of urgency. Henri looks at Vhodka...he doesn’t want her to be able to dodge him again. Vhodka looks at Henri...she’d love nothing more than to dodge and frustrate him again. Mack looks at all three of them and would love nothing more than to avoid them again. LCP just looks. Noises from above sound~

Vhodka Black: The roof!

~All four get up. They slip and slide atop the blood...carefully they make haste toward an escalator that’s heading to the second floor. Vhodka, Mack, and LCP get to the escalator first and they stand, allowing it to take them up. Henri looks around like this is insane...he runs up the escalator past them. The other three suddenly trigger...realizing they can run up the escalator and they fight with Henri as all four sprint up the moving stairs. They reach the second floor and find a utility looking door with an EXIT sign nearby. Mack snatches the door and he rips it off its hinges. He tosses the door aside. Vhodka slips in before him, rushing up the stairs. Mack is right behind her with Henri and LCP giving chase~

Smith: It’s a race to the top! Zombie Marcus has a one clown lead.

Hood: Yea and I think he’s done eating so let’s see if they can catch him.

~Vhodka dropkicks the door at the top open and it slams into a clown sending it over the roof and splatting onto the pavement below~

Smith: Hey! One more for Vhodka!

Hood: Mack, Vhodka, and Henri are all tied at 8 with Marcus ahead of them at 9.

Smith: And then there’s Lew.

Hood: Take the rest of the night off, pal.

~Vhodka gets to her feet. Mack is on her left, Henri on her right...LCP staggers out and leans forward, his arms dangling. The clowns are heading toward their spaceship. There aren’t many left. LCP falls back, sitting against the wall next to the door...it appears hopeless. Mack rushes forward and grabs a clown...he throws it like a javelin off the roof...we hear a wilhelm scream as it flies to the ground and splats~

Smith: Mack has tied Zombie Marcus!

~Henri takes the elastic that secures the purged mask to someone’s head and wraps it around a clowns throat. He twists the mask around and around, tightening the elastic. It digs into the clown’s throat. He twists and twists until blood starts to gush and the head pops off. Henri backs up and kicks the head off the roof. We hear a wilhelm scream as it falls to the ground~

Hood: Sak Pase! Henri Toussaint has tied Mack and Marcus!

~Vhodka sneaks up behind a clown and hooks her arm around its throat. She gets up close, her mouth to its ear...she then slices it’s throat wide open with the paper from her book! Blood squirts all over the place as she grabs the dying clown and throws it over the roof. She turns and holds her hand to her ear. Nothing. She looks around, confused~

Vhodka Black: What? No scream for me? Bullshit.

Smith: Vhodka is now tied with Marcus, Mack, and Henri!! A four way tie!

~The sun is rising along the horizon as morning is on the precipice. Almost all the clowns have boarded the ship. Mack, Vhodka, and Henri all look at each other. There’s one more clown they can get to...the final clown trying to board the ship~

Smith: Hurry!

Hood: That clown is going to decide who wins this side quest!

~Mack grabs the clown. But so does Henri. And so does Vhodka! All three pull the clown from the space ship and drag it near the door they entered through. Mack has the legs. Vhodka has an arm. Henri has an arm. They have the clown up off the ground, pulling on it~

Smith: If they aren’t careful they are gonna pull that clown apart!

Hood: Who would win if that happened?

Smith: I really have no idea.

~They continue to fight over the clown as the sun rises. The clock inside chimes seven times~

eleven

7:00am
Henri Toussaint – 9
Mack O’Connor – 9
Vhodka Black – 9
Zombie Marcus – 9
LC Pinkston – 0

Smith: They’d better hurry!

Hood: C’mon...big advantage at stake!

~The sun rises as LCP watches on, pissed. Mack, Vhodka, and Henri pull and pull. The clown yells out in pain. It’s joints start to twist. It’s skin seems on the verge of ripping. And then...Zombie Marcus dives in and rips the clown’s throat out!!! The other three let go and back off as Zombie Marcus feasts on the dead clown~

Smith: Zombie Marcus out of nowhere!

Hood: That’s 10! That’s a 10! Zombie Marcus with the win!

Smith: Yep. There are no more clowns to be killed. Zombie Marcus is going to have the advantage of knowing where one wrestler will be spending the evening next week.

~Vhodka, Mack, and Henri back off watching Zombie Marcus eat the clown. Their attention turns to the space ship. The door raises, securing all the remaining clowns inside. LCP pulls himself up off the ground and stumbles up next to the other three. Vhodka feels him next to her and she pats him on the back. He looks down at his weapon...a glass bottle of orange liquid~

LCP: This weapon fuckin sucks! Worse than the blue flame in Ghosts and Goblins!

~He hurls it at the spaceship. It hits the ground and slides under one of the rock boosters~

Mack O’Connor: The hell was in that anyway?

LCP: I don’t know. Had some label like MD 20/20 on it. Smelled like ass.

Mack O’Connor: MD 20/20? Man that’s like pure diesel.

LCP: Alot of good it did-

~The spaceship fires the engines and the flame hits the bottle of MD 20/20. The bottle explodes and causes a chain reaction that sends a fireball into the rocket booster! The rocket booster explodes. All four wrestlers jump back. The space ship gets a few feet off the ground before the entire thing explodes in one huge fireball!!~

Smith: WHOA!

Hood: Forever falling upward.

~Zombie Marcus staggers next to LCP as the five wrestlers squint and cover their eyes from the explosion. The gut on Zombie Marcus is massive~

Vhodka Black: How many clowns do you think were on that spaceship?

LCP: Like hundreds.

~The explosion gets brighter and brighter until our screen is consumed by white light. An annoying ringer sounds off as the white light goes dark. Our eyes adjust to a screen coming into view. Jack Puffer awakens, his beard is gone and his phone is going off. He stretches and yawns, picking up his phone~

Jack Puffer: Oh wow, sunrise already.

~The door behind him opens. Vhodka emerges from the library. The door to his right opens, Mack steps out of the Weight Room. The door to his left opens and LCP confidently saunters out of the Wine Cellar. A door overhead slams shut and an agitated Henri makes his way down the stairs. And, finally, Zombie Marcus arghs and ARGHS his way in from the yard~

Jack Puffer: Welcome back, everybody! How’d we do?

~Before anybody can answer Jack looks down at his phone~

Jack Puffer: Wait a minute...what’s this? You guys all played a game?! How awesome! I’ve got the results right here. Let me read them out.

~Puffer marches forward and opens the front door. He looks around making sure there is no Harvey Marx~

Jack Puffer: About time.

~Puffer clears his throat~

Jack Puffer: La-

Harvey Marx: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

~Puffer spins around. He looks down and sees Harvey elevating via a platform underneath the front porch. A grand entrance! The fans go wild! “HARVEY! HARVEY! HARVEY!” Puffer stomps and curses~

Harvey Marx: I hold in my hands the results from last night’s adventure!

~Harvey steps off the platform. An angry Puffer goes after him...but the platform drops down and Puffer falls through the hole. Harvey is completely unaware~

Harvey Marx: The tally goes like this…

~Everyone awaits the results. They aren’t really sure what’s official and what isn’t~

Vhodka Black – 9
Mack O’Connor – 9
Henri Toussaint – 9
Zombie Marcus – 10

And that means...coming in first place. The competitor that will get to know where one wrestler will be staying next week is…

LC Pinkston – Like Hundreds!!!

~The crowd goes wild!!~

Harvey Marx: Come on out here, Lewis!

~LCP struts out of the house with his arms raised! The fans chant ‘LCP! LCP! LCP!’ Harvey raises his hand in triumph~

Harvey Marx: Amby Brooks! Get on out here and hand our winner his prize!

~The house shakes as Amby shoulders into the entry way while trying to exit. She smiles, side steps and makes a clean exit on the second try. She’s got an envelope in her hand and heads toward Harvey and LCP. The fans yell as she nears the hole in the porch but she skirts the edge, narrowly avoiding disaster~

Smith: I can’t take this suspense!

Hood: Somebody get that woman some eyes!

~Amby reaches Harvey and LCP~

Amby Brooks: Congratulations, LC Pinkston!

~She hands the letter to Harvey. Harvey and LCP look at each other. Harvey calmly takes the letter and hands it to LCP~

Harvey Marx: Amby Brooks, everybody! Our beloved special referee! Isn’t she great!

~The fans go wild. Amby turns her back to them and bows before stepping off the porch~

Harvey Marx: LC tonight you have earned a great reward. With

LCP: Great rewards come great responsibility.

Harvey Marx: I was going to say with this reward you will be able to know the identity of one room chosen by one wrestler but, sure. Good luck with your advantage next week.

~LCP looks down at the envelope in his hand containing the official OCW notice of his advantage. Mack shoulders into LCP, exiting. Henri says ‘bitch’ under his breath, exiting. Vhodka looks at LCP and shakes her head, smiling before hopping off the porch. Zombie Marcus remains inside~

Smith: All five wrestlers survive but tonight it’s LCP who rises above and earns an advantage next week!

Hood: That’s right. He can avoid Zombie Marcus, if he wants. He can avoid Mack, Vhodka, and Henri...if he wants.

Smith: Or he can go after any of them, if he wants.

Hood: A nice prize on a night when, well, we could’ve seen all five wrestlers sleep.

Smith: Indeed! And...hold up...is that?!

~A very groggy and disheveled looking Duce Jones steps out of some bushes near the house. He staggers onto the front porch and eyes LCP. LCP stops celebrating and looks back at Duce~

Smith: Was Duce sleeping in the bushes?

Hood: Why are his clothes all torn up?

Smith: He looks...confused. He might need help.

~Duce stumbles back inside the house. LCP rips his arm away from Harvey~

LCP: Bro! If you’re gonna stay here you’re gonna have to carry your weight! You hear me!

~LCP disappears inside the house as Harvey turns to the fans and shrugs, flashing a big smile. The crowd goes wild~

Smith: Haha! Alright! Well folks thank you for tuning in to Episode 4 of Cursed Countdown! The competition remains fierce. We are just four episodes away from crowning a new OCW Champion.

Hood: Or one. We could get one next week.

Smith: That we could. You never know what’s gonna happen on Thursday night’s at Cursed Countdown!

Hood: The longer this goes the weirder shit becomes.

Smith: You all have a safe weekend! We’ll see you next week!

Hood: Right on.

~We slowly fade out~

---

~Our view absconds from Key West and the haunted house, flying up toward the rising sun. Brightness eviscerates vision for a few moments. A few viewers become kin to Amby Brooks. Silence follows. Bells chiming in rhythm start out as a feint disruption in the darkness. They grow louder and louder as an aerial view begins to materialize. We cruise over a habitat barely touched by humanity. Then, on the horizon, we see a town nestled in the middle of all this nature and beauty. Our pace picks up as our altitude lowers, cruising a few feet above tree tops. We reach the small, circular clearing that holds a quaint town and dive down where we come face to face with a jolly looking sign~

“Welcome to Frost Hollow!”

~A few feet upon entering the town it becomes clear this is a town unlike any we’ve previously visited. An anachronistic, almost fictionally inspired gathering of well manicured homes lined by picket fences and perfectly manicured lawns. Each house decorated with its own individual, classy, and jovial set of Halloween decorations. Towns people casually stroll along the sidewalk greeting each other in the way dear friends do. There isn’t a car in sight~

~Near the end of the main road is a house slightly larger than the rest. A man emerges wearing a top hat to go along with his holiday themed suit. He kisses his wife and kids goodbye as he marches happily off their front porch and toward the gate that he unlatches, opens, turns around, and locks behind him. All other residents stop and wave and greet the man as he strolls toward the downtown area of Frost Hollow. He offers everyone he sees a greeting by raising his top hat. Once he does, they get in line behind him and follow him toward the main hub of the town~

~The man reaches town square where a skinny man in a khakis and a button up shirt, neatly tucked in awaits. Behind him is a billboard for the big Trick or Treat event on October 31st. The jovial man leads his parade of followers toward the stage where he confidently strides up the steps and hugs the skinny looking assistant awaiting his arrival~

Skinny Assistant: And now a message from our beloved mayor, Arthur Cardigan!

~All the townsfolk clap and cheer. Cardigan’s back is to us as he brushes a few leaves off the Trick or Treat sign to keep it in pristine condition. He turns and heads for the mic, his head down~

Arthur Cardigan: Make sure you all stock up on plenty of candy so this year’s Trick or Treat event ensures all Trick or Treaters get as much candy as their buckets can hold.

~Cardigan points toward a candy factory near the edge of town. He pauses and slightly raises his head, a smile begins to appear~

Arthur Cardigan: But, more importantly than that, I hereby announce that the time has come to begin preparations for this year’s Christmas Season! It will officially begin on November 1st as Frost Hollow, once again, turns into the merriest town in all the world!

~The townspeople go wild. Arthur raises his head and under the front bill of his top hat is a face familiar to all of us. He looks exactly like Marcus Welsh. We cut away~

---