OCW Presents: Cursed Countdown
LIVE! Thursday, September 19th, 2024
From the Haunted OCW HQ in Key West
Episode 3 - "Brace for Impact"

It’s a dark and stormy night out in Key West. A two lane road carves itself through marsh. Through trees. Through above ground cemeteries. Lightning flashes high into the sky providing low visibility. There isn’t a car to be seen. Lightning flashes again. We see a sign facing us that reads ‘Dead End’. Music starts to cut through the dark, rainy atmosphere. Lyrics become familiar

“Big pimpin'
Spendin' cheese, we be”

Lights emerge from behind a hill. Headlights. A small car bounces atop the aging road. The lyrics grow louder

“Big pimpin'
On B-L-A-D’s, we doin'
Big pimpin' up in
NYC, it's just that”

The car drives closer and closer. Our view shifts. We’re now inside the vehicle. The music is blaring. Behind the wheel is OCW’s #1 transport/wrestler, The Uber Man! His head nods back and forth as he sucks on a Cherry Jolly Rancher. In short, The Uber Man is cruising.

When

Out of Nowhere

A hand shoots out in the middle of the road

“WHAT THE…”

Uber Man does his best to avoid hitting the arm. He swerves, his tires hyrdroplane. He spins. His car does a 180. It stops. Uber Man’s forehead hits the steering wheel. Slowly, his face raises, his eyes wide with shock. He turns the music down and looks ahead. The arm remains extended, a thumb in the air. Uber Man’s pulse quickens. His breathing becomes labored.

“Is it alive?”

The head to the being holding out the thumb slowly turns and stares in the Uber Man’s direction. Its face is masked by a dark, wet hood. Uber puts his car into park and he slowly opens the door, stepping out. He looks over his door, rain soaking his hair.

“Are you okay? Do you need a ride?”

Without a verbal reply, the dark figure turns and marches toward Uber. Uber drops back into his car and shuts his door. He buckles his seat belt and hurriedly wipes his glasses with his wet shirt, leaving them smudged and blurred. The back door to his car opens and Uber Man straightens up. The figure enters and takes a seat, head down. Uber tries to catch a glance of their face in his rear view mirror but it’s impossible.

“Uh...where to?”

He isn’t sure how to address the being. Doesn’t want to offend them or anything. The being reaches into their pocket and they pull out a drenched flier. They hand it over. Uber glances down at it and back up into the rear view mirror.

“Oh wow what a coincidence.”

Uber says no more and puts the car in reverse. He backs up, turns around and heads in the direction he was previously driving before being deterred. Miles pass. Nothing is said. Uber keeps looking into the rear view mirror hoping to catch a glimpse of his mysterious passenger. He gets nothing. Not even the sound of breath. Just the quiet interior of a running car with the occasional swipe of wipers.

“So you coming from the event down at the end of the road or what?”

The figure seems to shift a bit, perhaps finding the question uncomfortable. But, it says nothing. Uber nods, knowing when to keep his mouth shut.

Uber Man grows a bit more relaxed once they reach signs of civilization. Not like they’d be able to stop the thing in the back should it decide to attack but the surroundings of human life does breed a false sense of security. The car, however, remains silent. Far in the distance three big, red letters start to rise above the rest. The logo to OCW. The OCW Arena is within eyesight. The figure seated behind Uber grips at the damp seat under its soaked legs as though its grown agitated.

“You okay? Do you need some air? Heat?”

He gets no reply. Uber keeps things at status quo. No sense to start something he can’t finish. The bright red letters of OCW grow bigger and brighter. The arena is imminent. Uber’s direction makes it clear that’s where the two are headed. He pulls into the massive arena parking lot and heads toward the backstage area. Uber stops in front of a door and places his car into park. He looks back into his rear view mirror.

“Don’t worry about any payment, I could tell you needed…”

The back door slams shut and the figure is gone. Uber turns around, looking over his shoulder at the soaked seat in the back. He sighs and slaps the headrest of the passenger’s seat.

“Well that’s gonna mold if I don’t get it cleaned. Geez!”

Uber drives away.

Inside the OCW Arena.

Cap Slock and Who’Re share some coffee outside an office.

“I’m pulling for Vhodka. Do you know in all of OCW’s history only two women have held the OCW Title?”

“IT HASN’T BEEN MANY THAT’S FOR SURE.”

“I want her to win it so bad. It’s about time she won something so she can show the rest of the world what we know...that she’s the best in this business.”

A loud bang catches their attention.

“Did you hear that?”

“I AIN’T DEAF, LADY”

Cap Slock and Who’Re make their way down the hall. They round a corner and notice the door wide open, rain pouring in. They look at one another, tension building.

“I’LL CHECK IT OUT!”

Cap Slock steps forward. He gets to the door and BAM! He gets slammed into the wall and knocked out. Who’Re screams. The hooded figure from Uber’s car marches toward her, no hesitation. Who’Re takes off running down the hall, the tall, menacing figure giving pursuit.

“Shut your doors! Call security!”

Who’Re is moving too fast for the figure to catch which seems just fine as its attention is drawn elsewhere. Doors slam shut. Locks are engaged. But, one door remains open.

“Jim! Shut your door!”

Who’Re pleads with OCW’s tech and graphics guy. It’s internet nerd, basically. He’s in his chair eating oreos and drinking mountain dew. Slowly he gets up, his fat, gooey body hard to maneuver. Who’re is gone, tearing down the hallway. Jim reaches his door, muttering.

“Always so dramatic around here…”

He gets to his door and is face to face with the tall, soaked, hooded figure. Jim’s eyes widen.

“Who...who…”

The figure shoves Jim back into his chair and slams the door shut. It reaches up and grabs the top of it’s hood, thrusting it back.

“Matt Knox?!”

Matt Knox stands over Jim, towering over the small, pudgy man. He points at Jim’s computer.

“Where is Marcus Welsh?”

Jim is confused.

“He...he’s dead.”

Knox backhands Jim.

“Where is Marcus Welsh?!”

“He’s dead!”

Knox punches Jim in the nose. Jim leans forward, holding his nose, trying to keep blood from pouring all over his pants.

“You better tell me where Marcus Welsh is right now.”

Jim’s body shakes. He gives a few inconsistent nods.

“Okay, okay...I’ll find him for you. Just give me a minute.”

Knox grabs the back of Jim’s computer chair and thrusts it forward, under his desk. He grips the head rest of the chair, towering over Jim as Jim holds his bleeding nose with one hand and starts searching the internet with the other.

Our view pulls out from within the OCW arena and into the sky as we get a shot of the full moon. The Cursed Countdown intro starts to play.

one

~And we cut LIVE to the Haunted House in Key West! For the first time in three weeks fans have pre-gathered at the venue. Legit fans (we think). In an effort to capitalize on the marketing opportunity, several booths have been set up selling merch and other items. Smith and Hood remain in their exact same, nondescript location ready to call the action~

Smith: And we’re back, ladies and gentlemen...back on a Thursday!

Hood: Who the hell thought it was a good idea to schedule last week’s show and this week’s show only 6 days apart. Fuckin shit.

Smith: We had to take advantage of that Friday the 13th opportunity.

Hood: Like anybody actually gives a fuck. I’m tired.

Smith: Here, some coffee.

Hood: Oooh

~Hood happily takes the coffee~

Smith: As you can see, the venue is rocking tonight! I don’t know if if’s the promise that M A R I A H might be coming or the potential to see another horror icon bite the proverbial dust...but the fans were here early and in droves!

Hood: My favorite booth is the lease application booth.

Smith: Yea, I saw that one.

Hood: Getting people to fill out a lease application to live in the house when this is all over. Charging a $50 application fee for every applicant. That’s some real carny shit right there. Love it.

Smith: Fans, last week we were witness to ZERO eliminations.

Hood: Shit’s weak.

Smith: So, all seven competitors return for a third night in the house. Will we see some eliminations this go around?

Hood: You’d think so. But the big question...will anybody enter into the Sauna?

Smith: So far the Sauna remains untouched. And…

~A loud explosion goes off. Hood and Smith turn to see a massive blow torch shooting fire in the air as a bunch of fans dressed up as zombies go wild~

Smith: Do we have any security out here?

Hood: Nah, not really. Somebody should tell those fans if they want to go full method in their zombie presentation they can just enter the house and let Marcus bite them.

Smith: We don’t need anymore zombies, Hood.

Hood: Hold on…

Smith: What?

~Hood spots a wayward individual. He grabs them by the shoulders, spins them around and gives them a friendly push toward the house. It’s Amby Brooks!~

Hood: Just had to help our ref out there for a sec. She was walking toward the ocean.

Smith: Yea, that could’ve been disastrous but…

~BANG! They jump and turn. It’s Amby shouldering into the doorway once again before entering the home~

Smith: That’s our Amby!

Hood: So brave. So blind.

Smith: And here comes our host, Jack Puffer!

~Puffer enters the screen looking more serious than usual~

Jack Puffer: First off, I’d like to announce that Harvey Marx is banned from appearing tonight.

Smith: Really? How did you get GM Derek Mobley to agree…

Jack Puffer: It’s my decision. I’m the host!

Smith: Okay, fine.

Jack Puffer: Anyway...we’re all looking forward to a great night of crazy action, right? RIGHT?

Smith: Right!

Jack Puffer: Good. I’ll see you from inside.

~Puffer walks off~

Hood: Damn, Jack is a little on edge.

Smith: Harvey has been stealing the limelight a bit. This was supposed to be his show, after all.

Hood: Jack should just be happy to have a job. Like, my god, he couldn’t even solve the case of the missing cat.

Smith: Did anybody find the cat?

Hood: It was in the fucking tree you idiot!

Smith: Oh, okay. A real pussy willow, if you will.

Hood: Oh fuck you.

~The fans start to cheer. Hood and Smith shut up. In front of the house stands Derek Mobley with Eugene by his side~

Derek Mobley: Fans! Thank you all for attending tonight’s episode of Cursed Countdown!

~Cheers! “OCW! OCW! OCW!”~

Derek Mobley: A few things before we get started. First off, if you haven’t signed the waiver acknowledging you understand the risks of attending tonight’s event then you will be asked to leave immediately. So, get those signed.

~Fans rush to sign the waivers~

Derek Mobley: Also, we have some merchandise stands. A few food trucks. Feel free to indulge just do not drink the ocean water. In fact, do not go in the water.

~Eugene leans in~

Eugene: It’s nasty. I also heard there’s a monster in there.

Derek Mobley: Thanks, Eugene. And, finally, I’d like to give a shout out to a sponsor for tonight’s event! Another unique event that is going to set the pro wrestling world on fire! I’m talking about WrestleMecca which airs on WrestleFlix! WrestleMecca is a one of a kind event set on a mysterious island!

~Eugene leans in~

Eugene: Warrick is going to be there!

Derek Mobley: Thanks for that, Eugene.

~Derek claps his hands as the WrestleMecca logo appears~

Derek Mobley: So check out WrestleMecca LIVE on WrestleFlix! You won’t wanna miss it!

~The lights around the house start to dim~

Derek Mobley: And now...let’s begin with Episode 3 of The Cursed Countdown.

~The fans pop as Derek and Eugene exit and our view floats through the front door and into the main entry where Jack Puffer awaits, hands folded in front~

Jack Puffer: Hello again everyone and welcome to Episode 3! Who’s ready to get CURSED?!

~Big pop from the fans outside. As they die down, Puffer hears the sounds of an evil quack coming from somewhere within the house~

Jack Puffer: That’s weird. Haven’t heard that before…

Voice: Really?

~LCP strolls in from the back~

LCP: Shit’s been going on all week. It’s making it really hard to sleep.

~LCP puts his arm around Jack~

LCP: I don’t want to sound like a dick but if it doesn’t stop I might have to find another place to stay.

Jack Puffer: Squat.

~LCP stares at Jack. Jack stares back~

Jack Puffer: So what’s it gonna be, Lewis.

LCP: Well…seeing as I haven’t seen the Zombie all day I’m feeling pretty good about tonight.

Jack Puffer: Oh?

LCP: Mhm. Had the place all to myself. Except for the quacking.

Jack Puffer: Look who’s a big boy now.

~LCP eyes Puffer. Puffer sighs~

Jack Puffer: Are we going to go through this again or are you going to pick a room?

LCP: Competition is getting pretty fierce, Jack. I think it’s time I get a little work out in.

Jack Puffer: Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

LCP: What do you think I’m saying?

Jack Puffer: Oh geezus. The weight room, is that it?

LCP: You got it!

Jack Puffer: Great!

~Puffer waits for LCP to leave. LCP lingers looking more than a little apprehensive. Jack notices and shakes his head~

Jack Puffer: It’s right over there, Lewis.

LCP: I was just making sure that you knew. See you at sunrise!

~LCP walks off, heading for the weight room~

Jack Puffer: Other door!

~LCP pivots away from the wrong door and opens the correct one~

LCP: I know!

~He opens and enters. Puffer sighs and lingers on the camera for a bit~

Jack Puffer: Could’ve been worse, folks.

Smith: The Weight Room has been very popular.

Hood: Favorites emerge, right?

Smith: They do.

Hood: I think a lot of people are seeing Henri as a favorite. He’s been in the weight room...you think people are dodging him?

Smith: Vhodka was in the weight room last week. She came into this thing as a favorite.

Hood: Exactly. So, if I were looking for a potential free pass...yea, Weight Room.

Smith: That does come into play and will prove to be more prevalent as the rooms narrow.

~The fans go wild as Mack O’Connor hobbles up onto the porch of the house. He turns around and scowls at them all. They go silent. He grunts and heads into the house where Puffer awaits~

Jack Puffer: Mack! What’s up my man!

~Jack holds up a hand. Mack taps him on the nuts. Jack doubles over~

Jack Puffer: Ugh! Why’d you do that?

Mack O’Connor: Look, I’m tired. Had a few too many drinks. Need a place to lay down.

Jack Puffer: Guest Room. It’s upstairs right behind me.

Mack O’Connor: Great.

~Mack marches up the stairs and toward the Guest Room. He enters, slamming the door. Puffer tries to compose himself, his lower abdomen still churning from the unexpected nut shot. He appears a little embarrassed~

Jack Puffer: We’re friends, trust me. Just a couple of bros being bros, you know what I mean?

~Nobody cheers~

Smith: Mack looking to spend another evening asleep!

Hood: Hey...work smarter, not harder!

Smith: The Mack I remember would fight all comers.

Hood: Prison changes a man.

~Huge cheers from the fans as Mike Zybala hustles up the stairs and onto the front porch. He spins around showing off his “FOR THE DUCK” shirt! The fans pop even louder. Mike throws a melancholic superkick into the air for the duck before heading into the house~

Jack Puffer: There he is! There’s our guy!

Mike Zybala: Jack! It’s great to be back! How’s your sack?

Jack Puffer: It’s uh...how did you know about that?

Mike Zybala: You’re on TV, man. Everybody saw it.

Jack Puffer: Oh

~Puffer’s voice trails off~

Mike Zybala: Chin up, man! It’s Episode 3! We’re in here battling ghosts, demons, and the arrogance of society that looks down on passion projects like Outsiders Championship Wrestling.

Jack Puffer: Two our of three ain’t bad.

Mike Zybala: Alright, so listen up. I’ve done a lot of thinking.

Jack Puffer: Uh oh

Mike Zybala: All week there’s been one thing on my mind. One thing I’ve wanted to do.

Jack Puffer: Not sure where this is going.

Mike Zybala: Meteor 2, baby!

~Zybala pulls out a half chewed DVD of Meteor 2 along with a six pack of Gas Station wine and a box of tissues~

Jack Puffer: What are you going to do with those tissues?

Mike Zybala: Not that! Get your mind out of the gutter, man! Meteor 2 has some very emotional scenes near the end. Think Bruce Willis from Armageddon only way sadder.

Jack Puffer: I’ll have to check it out.

Mike Zybala: Oh you must! Anyway...Home Theater up there?

Jack Puffer: That it is!

Mike Zybala: See ya at 7, my good friend!

~Zybala hustles up the steps and pauses by the Guest Room. He hears snoring. Loud snoring~

Mike Zybala: Is that?

Jack Puffer: Yea, Mack’s sleeping.

~Zybala contemplates sneaking in there and forging Mack’s signature on an Outsiders contract before realizing this is all being filmed. So he heads on into the Theater and shuts the door~

Smith: Meteor 2...Mike’s favorite film!

Hood: Dick Ed Houston tried to ruin it for him last week but Mike would not succumb.

Smith: Nope. Never in life has there ever been a truer soul than Mike Zybala. A soul true enough to break this curse, I believe.

Hood: It does kinda feel like fate.

~Boos sound out as we see Henri Toussaint standing on the porch. He looks around, takes them all in, and thinks. A smile crosses his face. He walks toward the fans...they stop booing. He snaps his fingers at an OCW employee and asks for something. He’s handed a marker~

Smith: Is Henri going to give an autograph?

Hood: Geezus. Already pandering to the fans. This isn’t a great start to your career, Henri!

~Henri uncaps the marker and looks out at the fans. He sees one fan wearing a ‘LCP can squat here’ with an arrow pointing to their face. The fan offers their arm. Henri slaps the arm away and signs their forehead. He backs up and across the fan’s forehead is ‘Bitch’. Henri throws the marker at the house as the fans ‘boo!!’ He heads up the steps and enters, greeting Puffer~

Smith: Well, that was rude.

Hood: Not as rude as that shirt. Who the fuck made that?

Smith: No idea. I don’t think it’s official OCW merchandise.

~Puffer extends his hand. Henri slaps it and does an elongated shake. Puffer is totally confused, trying to keep up. Henri finishes shaking Puffer’s hand and slaps him in the chest, hard. Puffer stumbles back, coughing~

Henri Toussaint: Sak Pase

Jack Puffer: Henri! Good to see you…

~Puffer coughs before straightening up. He hears the boos outside~

Jack Puffer: Sounds like you’ve got the friends all riled up.

~Henri smiles~

Jack Puffer: Glad you made it here safely. Roads can be dangerous for professional wrestlers.

~Henri and Puffer both look into the camera. DEADpan for a few seconds before returning to their conversation~

Jack Puffer: It is a sad thing, though.

Henri Toussaint: Pssh. You think the newly crowned EPW champ would go takin’ risks wit his life so soon after winning? Hell naw!

Jack Puffer: Say what you want about Donnie and a lot can be said. He’s boring. Might be a racist. Uses Head and Shoulders. But one thing you can’t say is that he disappears. He’s always there. Always. Even when you wish he wasn’t.

Henri Toussiant: Aight. Let’s move this shit along. I ain’t got all night.

Jack Puffer: Which room, Henri?

Henri Toussaint: Library.

Jack Puffer: Really?

~Puffer lets out a slight chuckle. Henri grabs him by the neck, getting in close~

Henri Toussaint: Da fuck you laughin bout?

Jack Puffer: Nothing!

~Henri lets Puffer go~

Henri Toussaint: Buncha nerds in this bitch figure I might finally catch one up there.

~Henri heads over to the Library. He opens the door and shuts it as Puffer tries to compose himself~

Smith: Say what you want about Henri but that is a dangerous, dangerous man.

Hood: He’s big. He’s strong and he really doesn’t give a fuck.

Smith: Sounds like some OCW champions of the past, to me.

Hood: But can he break the curse or just add to it?

Smith: He has a lot of ‘qualities’ that went into building this curse so that’s a fair question.

Hood: Hey, I’m a journalist. It’s my job to investigate and...oh my gosh look at the shirt on that woman!

Smith: Alright, alright...keep your eyes on the prize...and by prize I mean tonight’s show.

Hood: Fine.

~Puffer waits. His phone goes off~

Jack Puffer: Oh my...it’s already 10:00pm.

~His walkie talkie goes off~

Jack Puffer: What’s that? Already in the house?!

~Puffer hangs up~

Jack Puffer: Sounds like the three ‘missing’ competitors are already inside. You know what that means…

~The front door slams shut and locks. A chair finds its way under Jack. He takes a seat and leans back, looking directly into the lens~

Jack Puffer: Start the clock!

two

10:00pm

Smith: Hood! We’re missing three wrestlers!

Hood: Missing? Or...PURGED?

Smith: Whatever the case Jack seems more than willing to start the event without acknowledging their whereabouts.

Hood: Relax. The house makes all the decisions. Plus he said they’re inside. Probably all hanging out in the Sauna.

~We cut to the Sauna. It’s empty~

Hood: Well there goes that theory.

Smith: I’m concerned.

Hood: Oh for fuck’s sake. Act like a man, would ya?

~With Puffer getting comfortable our view heads into the Library. Henri Toussaint stares at all the shelves filled with books. Wall to wall shelves. He reads the spines of each one~

Henri Toussaint: The Purple VIP Experience

~He nopes right out of that one. He spots labels underneath each shelf of books. There’s no discernible method of organization. Classic OCW, baby. He looks up and the ceiling seems to rise forever. With a sigh his eyes turn to the left where he sees a very familiar word labeling an entire wall. “Bitches”. Henri smiles and heads that way~

Smith: Henri has found a certain section of books in the OCW library!

Hood: The book of bitches!

Smith: Quite a few of those, to be sure.

~We exit the library and remain on the first floor entering the Weight Room. LCP looks down at the bench press...it’s still got Vhodka’s shoulders and spine imprinted into the padding. His eyes scan the room. All is quiet. He takes a seat on the very same bench and lays back, locking his hands behind his head~

LCP: Finally, some alone time.

~The room remains quiet. LCP shuts his eyes.~

Voice: Argh

~LCP’s eyes open~

LCP: Oh no

Voice: Arrgh

~LCP slowly sits up, his eyes wide with anxiety. Seated in the dark corner, chewing on something dead is Zombie Marcus~

Voice: ARGH!

LCP: Ah shit, here we go again.

~Zombie Marcus stands and exits the dark corner. His arm has been reattached. LCP groans. We promptly exit the Weight Room and head upstairs in the Guest Room where Mack O’Connor is sleeping soundly~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~We leave the guest room. And make our way to the Home Theater~

Smith: Zombie Marcus and LCP going at it again!

Hood: Those two can’t shake each other.

Smith: Nope. Maybe tonight is the night we get a winner.

Hood: Meanwhile Mack sure looks fuckin comfortable. How bad is prison that he can just go to sleep in a haunted fuckin house that easily?

Smith: I don’t now, I’ve never been.

Hood: You don’t have to be so arrogant about it.

~And we enter the Home Theater. Zybala is whistling, scanning the chairs. Whereas last week there was one suitable chair, tonight there are two. Of course this goes unnoticed by Mike. He plops down in the first chair he sees. Dust and all sorts of tiny dead things burst up into the air. He coughs, waving his hand around. He places his four pack of gas station wine on the table next to him and eyes his Meteor 2 DVD. He then reaches into a rather large pocket and removes the skull of TLS. The mask is covering it. He places it on the table next to his wine and rubs it~

Mike Zybala: You ready to watch the greatest movie of all time?

~The skull says nothing~

Mike Zybala: I knew you’d be down!

~Zybala looks at his DVD~

Mike Zybala: It’s been eleven days, seven hours, and 33 minutes since we last spent time together. Far too long.

~Mike reaches over and grabs the TLS mask and starts to remove it from the skull~

Mike Zybala: Hope you don’t mind if I wear this.

~Zybala removes the mask and puts it over his head. He leans back, enjoying the way it feels. His eyes then scan the room, looking around for a DVD player~

Smith: Mike really does love that movie.

Hood: He’s probably solely responsible for its ‘cult’ following.

Smith: Not sure about him wearing that mask, though.

Hood: Yea they’re gonna start calling him Buffalo Mike if he isn’t careful.

~Mike sees a player underneath the giant flat screen built into the wall. He gets out of the chair and drops to one knee, inserting the disc. The disc slides in and the TV starts to flicker~

Voice: So, what are we watching?

~Mike’s eyes widen. He leaps to his feet and spins around. It’s Vhodka Black. Mike slowly removes the face mask and drops it at his side~

Smith: OH MY

Hood: Here we fucking go

~Zybala stares at Vhokda~

Mike Zybala: Are you here to join Outsiders?

~Vhodka smiles and shakes her head ‘no’. We leave these two and head downstairs where Puffer’s phone goes off. His eyes, half shut, shoot open and he looks down at the screen. He mumbles “eleven o’clock” and gets comfortable as the ghost of Jade Spritz appears behind him~

three

11:00pm

Smith: Hood! Vhodka versus Zybala!

Hood: Wow. Trailer Park vs. The Yard.

Smith: OCW royalty versus wrestling royalty!

Hood: Zybala embodies everything OCW purists value. Loyalty, charisma, and that never-say-die attitude. Vhodka represents everything those purists hate...an outsider coming in looking to snag the biggest prize in the game so they can carve another notch on their belt.

Smith: I think she’s more than that, Hood. I wouldn’t be surprised if OCW doesn’t become her home...unlike those others, she seems to have what it takes to stick around. You saw last week.

Hood: Blah blah blah. She’s got more to prove as far as I’m concerned.

~We scoot back into the Library where Henri scans the books of Bitches~

Henri Toussaint: JPD

~The three letters synonymous with ‘bitch’. He locates a couple of books. One is titled “The Pro Wrestling Manifesto.” Henri pulls it off the shelf and begins reading. We exit the Library and head back into the Weight Room~

Smith: It’s LCP and Zombie Marcus Round 3!

~LCP awkwardly rolls off the bench, landing on all fours next to it. He kicks at the bench~

LCP: Stupid thing is defective!

Zombie Marcus: ARGH!

LCP: Yea, yea, I know.

~LCP crawls forward and snags a 35lb weight. He starts to stand but drops the weight and grabs a 25lb weight instead. He turns...but Zombie Marcus is right in his face, blowing hot zombie breath into LCP’s face. LCP backs up, coughing, trying to wave the stench away. The entire room begins to shake. LCP and Zombie Marcus pause, looking around~

LCP: What’s...happening…

~The walls crawl and slide. The weights and bench vanish. The floor evolves from dilapidated to pristine. The ceiling stretches with a loud groan. LCP and Zombie Marcus, now side by side, stare at the rising ceiling. Lights come on and they direct their focus on a tall rock wall~

Smith: What the…

Hood: I tried climbing a rock wall at Twin Peaks once.

Smith: Did you make it?

Hood: TRIED

~A loud voice that sounds oddly like Cocco Ricci booms throughout the room~

Voice: Welcome to tonight’s Pro Wrestling Rock Wall Climb! Three competitors will ascend this rock wall and, once they reach the top, they can then win the match via pinfall or submission!

~LCP looks at Zombie Marcus. LCP holds up two fingers. He laughs~

LCP: Dude can’t count, haha

Voice: Ahem

~LCP and Zombie Marcus turn to their left. Duce Jones steps forward~

Duce Jones: Allow me to inroDUCE myself

~The fans outside go wild~

Smith: Duce Jones! He’s in the weight room with LCP and Zombie Marcus!

Hood: Well somebody is going home, right?

Smith: You’d think!

~Duce steps forward! LCP says ‘shit’ under his breath while Zombie Marcus snarls and eyes both men. They’re about to go to war when something catches their eye. All three men turn and watch as Amby Brooks casually walks toward the Rock Wall~

Smith: Our ref!

Hood: She needs a harness! Quick before she dies! We can’t let that amazing body go to waste!

~Amby grabs onto the wall and scales it very quickly and with amazing ease. Duce, LCP, and Marcus watch as she reaches the top. She stands, makes sure her tight ref shirt is orderly and motions for the bell. Somewhere a bell rings and the fans go wild~

Smith: And here we go!

Hood: That woman is something else.

Smith: You said it.

Hood: Okay so what’s the rules here?

Smith: There’s a giant rock wall.

Hood: Yea, no shit.

Smith: You have to climb the rock wall and get to the top if you want to have a chance to win. Once at the top you can then pin or submit your opponent, earning victory.

Hood: Elimination or one fall?

Smith: I think..let me check...yep it’s one fall. So one winner...two eliminated.

Hood: Alright...let’s fuckin go!

~Zombie Marcus looks at both LCP and Duce~

Zombie Marcus: ARRRGH!

Duce Jones: Da fuck?

~Duce rears back and punches Zombie Marcus in the head, knocking him to the ground. LCP laughs and points~

LCP: Nice right hook, man!

~Duce back hands LCP and begins punching him in the head as he staggers back!! The fans outside go wild!! We get a good view of our scene. There’s the Rock Wall. A rubber floor. Two tall, rubber walls. And one giant window wall overlooking a brief meadow feeding into a large lake. Dark clouds on the horizon. Wind picking up...a storm is brewing~

Smith: Strange scenery. I don’t exactly see any of that from where I’m sitting...nor on Google Maps.

Hood: It’s the house, man. It’s fuckin with their minds.

~Duce smacks LCP with an open handed strike. He chops LCP across the chest! LCP stumbles up against the thick window. Duce throws another chop...LCP ducks and Duce’s hand SLAMS into the glass! He reaches for it instantly as LCP drops to all fours and crawls away. We follow him as he crawls between Zombie Marcus’ legs. Duce spins around. Zombie Marcus marches toward Duce. Duce has a ‘wtf’ look on his face...still trying to figure out how to fight a zombie~

Smith: Duce has faced all sorts of competitors before...but never a Zombie.

Hood: You say that like it’s a weird thing. Like he should have ‘zombie fighter’ under his list of accolades.

Smith: Well it would’ve helped.

~Duce doesn’t have long to think...Zombie Marcus wraps his hands around Duce’s throat and slams him up against the window. He raises Duce up...Duce’s legs dangling. Duce looks down at Zombie Marcus, shocked at how strong the zombie is. He takes a thumb and tries to poke Zombie Marcus in the eye...but it just knocks his eye out. Zombie Marcus remains undeterred. Duce yells out ‘FUCK’ and continues kicking his legs, trying to get free. In the background we see LCP crawling up to the Rock Wall. He gets to his knees and looks up...it’s a long climb but it’s one he has to make if he wants to survive. We leave the room and head upstairs~

Smith: He just poked the zombie’s eye out and it had no effect!

Hood: I’m surprised Duce gouged the eye that aggressively.

Smith: Well, when you’re being choked out by a zombie I’m sure adrenaline is full force.

~We peek into the Guest Room where Mack continues to sleep~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~We quickly dip out of there and scoot back into the Home Theater where Zybala and Vhodka stare each other down. The TV screen continues to glitch. Suddenly, a digital image of TLS appears~

TLS: Wo-wo-would you both ta-ta-take a seat?

~Zybala looks over his shoulder. Vhodka smiles and waves at TLS~

TLS: He-he-hello Vhodka. T-t-take a seat ple-ple-please.

~TLS’ image glitches in and out as it speaks. Zybala and Vhodka both sit down in the available chairs. Before they can react to anything, the chairs restrain them~

TLS: G-g-good. N-n-now enjoy your f-f-feature present-t-tation.

~The graphic for Meteor 2 appears. The lights flicker before extinguishing. Total darkness. The screen displays a meteor heading for Earth. We dive inside the meteor to find that it’s not a meteor at all...in fact, it’s a spaceship structured like a meteor. Mike Zybala appears inside the spaceship~

Mike Zybala: What the?

~Zybala is laying on a bed. He sits up and hangs his legs over the side...a look of confusion hangs from his face. Scanning the room he immediately discovers he’s the only person inside. Standing up, he heads for the door...it automatically slides open, causing him to rear back. He pauses then pokes his head out...he looks to the left. He looks to the right. Nothing but a long, white hallway filled with fluorescent light.~

Smith: Hood! Mike Zybala is IN Meteor 2!

Hood: Is this even the plot for Meteor 2?

Smith: I don’t know, I never saw it.

Hood: Make that two of us.

~Mike slowly exits and the door shuts behind him. He jumps forward, turning around...close call, door nearly pinched his Outsiders ass. His ass safe (for now) Mike makes his way down the hall...the doors either blend in with the walls really well or there aren’t any...it’s tough to tell. He stops~

Mike Zybala: Hello?!

~He gets nothing~

Mike Zybala: Would you like to join Outsiders?

~The entire ship groans~

Mike Zybala: It was just a question.

~The sound of another door opening causes Zybala to turn around. When he does he sees Vhodka Black a few hundred feet down the same hallway. It doesn’t take her long to see him...the two stand with nothing but air and opportunity between them~

Voice: This ‘meteor’ is headed straight for Earth. Impact in approximately seven and a half hours. The first wrestler to hit the big red cancel button will win the match and save Earth. Time is of the essence. Please hurry.

~Zybala suddenly turns away from Vhodka and heads in the opposite direction. She starts to chase but stops...is he heading the right way? Or, is he heading the wrong way? Knowing it’s Zybala, she guesses on the latter. She turns and runs in the opposite direction...both competitors running away from each other hoping to find the door to the main control room~

Smith: If one of them picked correctly this match is going to end very soon.

Hood: I don’t know who to root for here.

Smith: Because they are both so awesome and lovable?

Hood: No, I hate them both. It’s like picking your favorite mother in law.

~As they both turn the corner and vanish from sight we pull away from the TV and through the room where they are fast asleep. We go through the door and down to the main floor as Puffer’s phone goes off. One quick look tells us all we need to know~

four

MIDNIGHT

Smith: We’ve reached the end of one day and the beginning of another!

Hood: The night is dark and full of errors

Smith: Terrors

Hood: Nah I’m pretty sure it’s errors. How else do you explain LCP still being in this thing?

~Jade Spritz leans in, sniffing Puffer’s neck as we head on into the Weight Room. LCP grabs onto a couple of the grips sticking out from the Rock Wall. He secures his feet and he steps up. He takes a breath. He steps up, trying to pull up with his hands but it’s tough...his foot loses itself and swings back! LCP holds on, pulling his body back close to the wall and he hugs it~

LCP: OMG that was close. That was close.

Smith: He’s like half a foot off the ground.

Hood: A whole foot, c’mon. Plus, don’t shame a guy who’s afraid of heights.

~Zombie Marcus continues choking Duce against the glass. His eye ball spins around on the floor and spots LCP making the climb. Zombie Marcus drops Duce and turns around. He picks up his eyeball and jams it back into socket before making his way toward LCP~

Smith: Yea, that Zombie definitely has eyes for LCP.

Hood: He’s got oneitis, man. You gotta play the field, Zombie Marcus!

~Duce is on all fours coughing. He looks over and watches Zombie Marcus head for LCP. It’s a pretty wide Rock Wall and LCP has isolated himself to one side. Duce looks at the other side and thinks on things for a moment. He’s got to get up that wall before he can have any designs on winning. Zombie Marcus reaches the wall and yanks LCP the whole foot down back to the ground. LCP spins around and Zombie Marcus throws a right hand...it slams into the wall as LCP ducks! LCP rolls Zombie Marcus up with a school boy! Zombie Marcus kicks out, sending LCP’s body flying and hitting the wall. Zombie Marcus gets onto all fours and crawls toward LCP...he gets his hands on LCP...LCP tries to fight him off. Duce pops to his feet and hustles over toward the wall while his two opponents are occupied. He starts to climb. The fans outside pop cheering “DUCE! DUCE! DUCE!”~

Smith: Duce is going to take this open window and try and get to the top.

Hood: Smart...then let Zombie Marcus and LCP tear each other apart so Duce can pick up the scraps.

Smith: It could prove to be effective.

~With Zombie Marcus trying to kill LCP and Duce scaling the wall we exit the Weight Room and head on into the Library. Henri is setting fire to the pro wrestling manifesto~

Smith: Looks like he’s read enough.

Hood: First babyface thing Henri has done.

~Henri watches it burn as we float through the floor and up into the second floor. We poke back into the Guest Room to check in on our precious Mack~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~All is well. We exit and head back toward the theater where Meteor 2 continues to play~

Smith: Oh back to the movie!

Hood: I bet those two both fuck up and Earth gets destroyed.

Smith: It’s a possibility!

~We follow Vhodka as she rounds a long corner. We cut to Zybala, he rounds a long corner. Who is going to get to that control room? Victory could be within a few short, quick steps. We get a split screen of both as they round the corner and turn...facing each other once again. Both wrestlers express their frustration~

Smith: Okay so that hallway is one big circle. Good to know.

Hood: Classic OCW, baby!

~Zybala puts his hands on his hips and leans back, trying to act like he isn’t winded. Vhodka doesn’t care, she doubles over and sucks some wind~

Voice: Impact with Earth in less than 7 hours.

~With that a door slides open at the midway point between Vhodka and Zybala. They pause, look at each other and then dash for the opening. Zybala picks up the pace when he realizes Vhodka is faster than she looks...Zybala goes all out...she’s close to beating him to the door…so he lunges forward with a SUPERKICK!!! But Vhodka does a slide underneath his leg, her latex squeaking against the slick, white, hard floor. Zybala spins around...Vhodka pops back to her feet and charges at him. She throws her body at Zybala with what looks like a potential Thesz Press...but Zybala catches her!! He raises her up for an Alabama Slam~

Smith: Zybala has the strength and size advantage for once in his life!

Hood: Are we sure about that?

Smith: The weight advantage for sure.

~Vhodka leans in and bites Zybala on the neck! Zybala yells and drops her. She hits the ground...he reaches for his neck, feeling if there’s any blood. Vhodka puts her head down and charges, slamming the two metal covered horns of hair on top of her head into his midsection! Zybala winces in pain, doubles over...Vhodka drops to her back before performing a kip up...but instead of kipping up she just kicks Zybala in the face! His body slams into the wall, hard as he slinks to the ground. Vhodka pops up onto one foot with her other leg stretched out as she peers down the hall and then at the opened doorway~

Smith: That latex can stretch.

Hood: For days, my friend.

Smith: Easy, she’s married.

Hood: Dude I’m just admiring the latex.

~The lights in the hallway flicker as Zybala struggles to get to his feet behind her. Vhodka senses Zybala rising and she pops to her feet and reaches back, hooking his head for a Stunner...but Zybala picks her up and drops her onto his knee with an Atomic Drop!!! Vhodka staggers forward. Zybala coils, waits...Vhodka turns around and he throws the SUPERKICK!!! But Vhodka punches his leg before it hits her, spinning Mike around. She jumps onto his back and starts to claw at his face as Mike staggers forward, yelling out in pain~

Smith: She’s feral!

Hood: Dude you have no idea. She’s got her own style and, janky as it maybe, it fuckin works. Unless she’s facing Catalina Cortes, of course.

~Mike can’t get her off...so he jumps back and lands on top of Vhodka with a sick thud! The wind gets knocked out of Vhodka as she gasps for air. Mike remains down, reaching for his face, rolling onto all fours. The lights in the hall begin to blink once again, more rapidly this time. Suddenly something cries out from a distance...something that sounds terrible and deadly~

Smith: The heck was that?

Hood: Is that one of those Xenamorph thingys?

Smith: Xeno not Xena...we aren’t talking warrior princess here.

Hood: I sure wish we were.

Smith: But it sounded something like that...those two might want to get out of that hallway, soon.

~We zoom away from the screen and past both competitors who are asleep in their chairs. We exit the door and head back downstairs with Puffer’s phone going off. The spirit of Jade Spritz lingers over him, her nail running across his neck. We look down over his phone~

five

1:00am

Smith: We’re into the morning hours!

Hood: What is Jade’s ghost doing with Puffer?

Smith: I honestly have no idea but it better go somewhere or go away. It’s eating valuable TV time!

Hood: Can’t argue that.

~Into the Library we go. Henri watches JPD’s manifesto burn while heading back to the shelf. He sees a book on how to get out of dropping your title. He opens it up. Chapter 1: Kill yourself. Henri slams the book shut and throws it into the fire~

Smith: Henri might purge that entire library of bitch books.

Hood: I’d be all for that.

~We leave the library and head on into the weight room. Duce starts to climb. LCP tries fighting Zombie Marcus off him. LCP gets pissed saying, “How are you so strong!” Zombie Marcus leans in, drool falling from his mouth onto LCP’s face. LCP spits it out, disgusted. He then leans in and throws hie head into Zombie Marcus’ nose! The nose cracks! Zombie Marcus falls off LCP, holding his nose. LCP scurries away...Zombie Marcus gets to his knees and picks up bits of his nose, trying to put it back on his face~

Smith: I think he’s been a zombie for a little too long, Hood. He’s falling apart!

Hood: Can you go from like Zombie to Mummy?

Smith: Are we talking about a Zombie Mummy?

Hood: No. I was thinking more along the lines of a Mummy Zombie.

Smith: Ah, fair.

~LCP pops to his feet and rushes over to try and grab onto Duce. But Duce is already out of reach, pulling himself up the wall. LCP jumps up, trying to snag part of Duce’s foot...but no dice. Duce continues his climb. LCP turns around and sees Zombie Marcus with his nose back in place...kinda, it’s bent and looks really fucked up. LCP throws his head back and releases an exaggerated sigh~

Zombie Marcus: ARGH!!!

LCP: Yea, yea, I KNOW

~Zombie Marcus heads toward LCP...LCP charges at Zombie Marcus and ducks his arms...while passing by he grabs Zombie Marcus by the head and drops him with a neckbreaker!! A loud THUD as both competitors hit the thick rubber floor. LCP gets to his knees and he slaps Zombie Marcus in the head over and over...he gets a few punches in. Zombie Marcus shuts his eyes. LCP gets to his feet and heads for the Rock Wall. He sees Duce nearing the top. LCP grabs onto a couple of handles and gets his feet secure...he steps up, initiating a climb. As he does, the fans go wild...he looks up and sees Duce at the top, his hands high~

Smith: Duce is activated! He can now win the match...although it has to be from up there.

Hood: Looks like LCP is going to join him...maybe. Actually, looking at those arms, I don’t know.

Smith: This is why you have to stay in shape. You never know when you’re gonna have to climb a Rock Wall to win a match.

~Zombie Marcus growls. LCP struggles but manages to rise up the wall a bit. He hears Zombie Marcus growling and turns around...’fuck’ he curses as Zombie Marcus gets to his feet. LCP suddenly kicks off the wall, spins around and drills Zombie Marcus in the side of the head with a modified CHRONIC KICK! He falls on top of Zombie Marcus, his leg slamming into the face of Zombie Marcus while driving the back of his head into the ground. A loud CRUNCH is heard. LCP pops to his feet and looks down expecting blood or brain matter...but nothing...just an even deader looking zombie. LCP nods and heads for the wall. As he does, Zombie Marcus’ eyes shoot open and some life returns to them~

Smith: Uh oh...we saw this last week.

Hood: What? Head trauma? Man we see that every week.

Smith: No! That impact to the head woke something up in Zombie Marcus. It might have awoken Marcus Ka’Derrion.

~We head through the roof and upstairs. We get to the Guest Room to check in on our precious Mack. He’s on his back, hands folded behind his head, smiling~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~Peaceful as can be. We leave the Guest Room and re-enter the Theater. The movie continues to play~

Smith: Oh here we go! Back to Meteor 2!

Hood: If this thing really has those Lucy Lawless morph things then I might have to give it a watch.

Smith: XENOMORPHS

~Zybala is on all fours...he figures out his face is still intact, just red and irritated. He sees Vhodka down and decides to get on top of her...he grabs her by the head and prepares to slam the back of it into the ground when that terrible scream/roar is heard. He stops and looks ahead, eyes wide. The lights continue to flicker. Vhodka breaks free, her latex squeaking against the floor as she slides away from him. She hears the noise, too and looks...she looks back at Mike as if to say “I know what that is”. Mike nods and together they dart into the main control room. The door shuts behind them and locks~

Smith: Smart. Whatever is out there...and we have a pretty good idea what it might be...is not worth waiting around to encounter.

Hood: He could’ve left Vhodka out there.

Smith: Oh so you’re pulling for Mike?

Hood: I didn’t say that!

~Inside the main control room both competitors get to their knees...they look around. Right at the very front of the room, center controls is a big red button. It lights up~

Voice: Less than six hours until fatal impact.

~Mike pops to his feet. Vhodka lunges at him, trying to sweep his legs. He jumps over her and brings both feet down for a double foot stomp but she rolls away! Mike’s legs hit the hard, white ground, jarring his knees. Vhodka slaps her hands on the floor and sits up...she lifts her legs off the ground, swings them around and sweeps both of Mike’s legs!! Mike falls! The back of his head slams into the hard ground! He holds it, rolling around, groaning in pain. Vhodka gets to one knee and looks at the room. A large control panel...half the circumference of the room. At its center is the red button. A smaller control panel, shaped in the same half circle shape but located in the middle of the room. Several white, metal chairs pushed in at the control panels. The larger control panel is bolted into the wall of the spaceship and directly underneath a large front window that displays what’s ahead...Earth is visible, albeit off in the distance as the ‘meteor’ floats ahead~

Smith: A relatively empty control room.

Hood: Oh I’m sure they can fill it up with shit.

Smith: How? What, exactly did they bring with them?

Hood: Violence.

~Vhodka pops to her feet and she heads for the red button. Mike sits up and winces, his blurred vision making out the latex and fishnets heading toward victory. The fight in Mike won’t let him quit...he crawls toward the nearest area of controls and says ‘YOLO’ diving forward and hitting a few buttons. The entire ship tilts to the left!!! Vhodka loses her footing and flies to her left, slamming into the wall~

Voice: Course altered. Correcting now.

~The ship straights itself out...Mike looks around like ‘cool’. He pops up to his feet and stumbles around, holding his head. He sees Vhodka sitting up against the wall, dazed. He charges forward, jumps into the air and lands onto her with a Cannonball! His body flips over and lands back first into Vhodka! Huge impact!! Mike returns to his feet, stumbling...he throws his arm into the air...but it’s dead silent. In space, nobody can hear the cheers~

Smith: Not the reaction he was hoping for.

Hood: He’ll get that and more if he hits that fuckin button.

~Zybala gets over his crestfallen reaction and eyes the red button. We zoom out, leaving the film behind and exiting the room and its two sleeping residents. We head back down into the main area where Puffer now sleeps, alone. His phone goes off and we get a look at the screen~

six

2:00am

Smith: Five hours from sunlight!

Hood: We know Mack and Henri are advancing. The rest? Up in the air.

~We head back into the Library where Henri finds a book labeled “The Cry Room’s Greatest Tears.” He takes a seat and opens up, a smile crossing his face~

Smith: Seems like he’s enjoying that one.

Hood: Some good shit in there, trust me.

~We leave the Library and head into the Weight Room. LCP is struggling...Duce leans forward, watching. He’s happy to be up there but he needs someone to make it to the top so he can win. Duce calls down trying to help LCP find the easiest places to grab and put his feet~

Smith: Duce trying to help LCP get to the top.

Hood: Yea so he can kick his ass when he gets up there. Duce has the high ground, Smith. HE HAS THE HIGH GROUND.

Smith: I’m aware.

Hood: Whoa...if you take the ‘m’ out of your name it spells ‘Sith’.

Smith: Stop being stupid.

Hood: I’m getting wise to you, ‘Smith’.

~LCP finds a good grip and a nice place for his feet...he nods and looks up with some confidence. He’s getting the hang of this. A hand suddenly grabs him by the waist band and pulls down. LCP drops to the floor and is spun around...he’s face to face with Marcus Ka’Derrion! The fans outside pop! LCP throws a punch...Marcus ducks, hoists LCP onto his shoulders and drops him with a Death Valley Driver onto the floor!!! LCP goes limp, flat on his back. Marcus pops back to his feet and looks up. Duce motions for him to bring that shit up here. Marcus nods and grabs onto the wall...he begins the climb with the fans going wild~

Smith: Marcus Ka’Derrion is in control and Duce is ready for what he’s bringing!

Hood: A dream match, man! Marcus Ka’Derrion versus Duce! Might’ve happened before, now that I think about it, but I’m gonna stick with calling it a dream match!

Smith: Marcus won’t have any problem getting up there. Duce is going to have to get after him when he does or he’ll lose the advantage.

Hood: Meanwhile our poor LCP is pretty much fucked.

Smith: If he can’t get up that wall, yea...he’s done.

~With Marcus rapidly scaling the wall and LCP unconscious we get a shot of Duce pacing, yelling at Marcus to hurry. We float upstairs, leaving the Weight Room behind. Again, we check in on the Guest Room. Mack reaches down and scratches his stomach before returning his hand back behind his head~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~Fair enough. We exit that room and return to Meteor 2! Entering the Theater we are immediately plugged back into the film. Zybala nears the red button. Vhodka is slowly beginning to stir~

Smith: Zybala is close! He’s about to win this!

Hood: Ain’t no way Vhodka can reach him in time.

~Vhodka realizes that as she sees Zybala standing over the red button. Zybala smiles and runs his hand across the button...he raises it up, dramatically, ready to bring it down. Vhodka reaches up and slaps the panel of controls nearest her! Zybala watches as the button drifts away...only it’s not, he is. He finds himself floating in the air...he turns and looks and sees Vhodka floating~

Smith: Anti-gravity! They are floating!

Hood: Can they breathe?

Smith: For awhile, I’m sure. I’m guessing?

Hood: Look they couldn’t get shit right on a big budget film like Armageddon. Ain’t no way Meteor 2 is gonna lock that shit down.

~Zybala spins around, having trouble controlling his body. Vhodka kicks off the wall and swims toward him. Zybala straights himself out...he’s got his arms and legs extended...he nods...like a kid trying to learn how to roller skate, Zybala’s confidence is growing...until a hand reaches out and rakes itself across his face. “SHIT!” Mike manages to say despite the lack of gravity. Vhodka brings him in and hooks a front face lock as the two wrestlers float above everything, nearing the ceiling~

Smith: Well this is a first, for me anyway.

Hood: Fuckin rookie.

Smith: So you’ve seen something like this, right? I doubt it.

Hood: Hey, you don’t know my dreams.

Voice: Less than Five hours from cataclysmic impact.

~Zybala is losing oxygen fast...he throws his body back and shoves Vhodka off him. Her body flies upward, slamming into the ceiling!! Mike tries to swim up there, but she reaches down, grabbing a hand full of hair and slinging him up and head first into the ceiling!! Mike grabs his head, wincing. Vhodka tries wrapping her legs around his head. They float toward the wall, still up against the ceiling. Mike tries to fight her off~

Smith: I think Vhodka might be going for a Triangle Choke.

Hood: Ah, reliving her old TRIAD glory days.

Smith: How’s that?

Hood: Triangles. TRIAD. She just can’t get enough.

~As the two struggle, suspended in the air, we pull away from the screen. The fans outside cheer groan...nobody likes to be ripped away from SUCH A GREAT FILM. But that’s how it’s gotta be...Puffer’s alarm goes off and we exit the Theater and head back downstairs~

seven

3:00am

Smith: It’s getting late!

Hood: Yea, if you’re a bitch.

Smith: I’m sorry if I’m a morning person.

Hood: Morning people should be isolated from the rest of society.

~We float into the Library where Henri continues to read “The Cry Rooms Greatest Tears”. The fire simmers, burning away all of the JPD bitch work. We leave Henri to his form of entertainment and head back into the Weight Room. Duce stands atop the Rock Wall staring down at the ascending Marcus Ka’Derrion. Marcus is nearing the top~

Smith: Duce is fired up and he’s ready!

Hood: Two second generation wrestlers. Of course one is in better shape than the other.

Smith: Which says something about Marcus because Duce has plenty of battle scars.

~Duce stomps the top of the wall with the fans outside stomping along with him, eager for the fight to begin. The top of the wall is a flat, hard rubber surface and it spans the width of the room. Three walls and one open area which, of course, is a long, hard fall if you go over the edge. Marcus reaches the top...his hand grips the edge. Duce stomps on the hand of Marcus. Marcus yells out. Duce leans over and grabs Marcus by the hair, dragging him up to the top. Duce instantly hooks Marcus for a DDT and falls back with a spike DDT!! Marcus hits the top of his head on the surface...but he flips over and lands on his feet. Duce hurries to his feet, turns around and gets run over via a lariat from Marcus!! Both men are down and the fans go wild outside!! LCP is seen laying down, breathing heavily, his eyes still closed~

Smith: Tremendous action! Marcus fought through that DDT long enough to get a lariat in.

Hood: He kinda had to. Duce was going to introDUCE him to a big, spooky elimination.

Smith: Indeed

~Marcus gets to all fours...his dilapidated body struggling to keep up with his warrior spirit. Duce sits up, holding his chest. Amby paces around coming dangerously close to the edge of the wall. The fans outside gasp and yell. But she narrowly avoids falling over. Duce rolls over and gets to his feet. He hooks Marcus around the waist and, for a moment contemplate a German Suplex over the edge of the wall...but he can’t win that way. So he re-positions and goes for a German Suplex into the wall...but Marcus blocks it with his legs. Duce tries again...Marcus blocks it again...Duce hammers Marcus in the back of the head a few times. He tries again...he gets Marcus up...but Marcus flips over and lands on his feet behind Duce...he reaches forward and locks in a Sleeper!! Duce reaches out with his hands, trying to find ropes that don’t exist. Amby leans down, her back to Duce, asking if he wants to give it up...but Duce refuses. Marcus works to choke him out as we get a shot of LCP before exiting the Weight Room~

Smith: Marcus with the nice counter and he’s looking to put Duce to sleep!

Hood: Meanwhile Amby is using her ass to ask Duce.

Smith: She’ll get the job done.

~We head back upstairs and float toward the Guest Room...we peek inside where Mack let’s out a few gurgles and grunts before relaxing~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~Still holding strong, MACK! We exit the Guest Room and head back toward the Home Theater. The fans outside cheer, excited to see more Meteor 2. We enter the Theater and are plugged back into the theatrical presentation~

Smith: Meteor 2 is getting so much exposure tonight.

Hood: Yea, it makes me sick.

~Vhodka continues to try and wrap her legs around Zybala’s head. He manages to get his feet up against the ceiling and he pushes down...they shoot down to the ground and Zybala slams Vhodka into the floor! She hits hard, arching her back in pain. Zybala bounces up after the impact and he flips around, floating away from the button and toward the wall. Vhodka’s body slowly levitates off the ground, hovering dangerously close to the red button~

Smith: She’s out but she’s close to that button

Hood: There’s a joke in there somewhere.

Smith: I refuse to acknowledge your dirty mind.

~Zybala waves his arms, trying to swim back to Vhodka...but it doesn’t really work that way...his momentum carries him all the way to the wall. Vhodka is hovering just above the button...she starts to come to, reaching for the back of her head. She rolls over and looks down and sees the winning button. It registers! She reaches down as her body continues to float up...but it’s just out of reach! She struggles and kicks, trying to get to it but her momentum continues to carry her toward the ceiling. Zybala looks over and sees Vhodka directly above the button...she’s nearing the ceiling. If she kicks off she’ll be able to reach the button~

Smith: Mike’s in trouble! Vhodka just needs to shove off that ceiling and she’ll be close enough to stop the destruction of Earth and win the match!

Hood: What a wild statement.

~Zybala looks down and sees the button Vhodka pressed earlier. Vhodka nears the ceiling, she gets her feet into position to kick down. Mike reaches out and he hits the button! A vacuum type sound is heard and gravity returns! Zybala lands on the ground, hard. Vhodka falls from the ceiling all the way to the control panel, her body slamming into the metal, narrowly missing the red button...he ribs landing on the edge of the panel! She rolls away, holding her midsection in pain as Zybala sits up and wipes his forehead...that was a close on~

Voice: Less than 4 hours until the end of human civilization.

~Vhodka is down, holding her ribs, wincing in pain. Zybala gets to his feet, staggering around...he doubles over, dry heaving. We pull away from the scene and exit the home theater as fans outside speculate whether or not Zybala is going to puke in space~

Smith: Zybala is having a hard time transitioning from non-gravity back to gravity!

Hood: What a bitch

Smith: Hey have you ever had to experience that?

Hood: Look man, I’ve been swimming.

Smith: Hardly the same thing!

~We float back into the main area as Puffer’s phone goes off. He reaches up, rubbing a scratch on his neck. We get a good look at the screen~

eight

4:00am

Smith: Three hours until sunrise

Hood: Bro...what are we gonna do when the time changes?

Smith: Is this even going that long?

Hood: I don’t know.

Smith: I guess we’d have to change with the times, then.

Hood: oh fuck off

~We float back into the Library where Henri finishes the “The Cry Rooms Greatest Tears.” He nods and places it back on the shelf. A book worth keeping. He looks around and sees a book bound with golden leather. He removes it and opens it up. “The Tale of Thad-” Henri spits and slings the book into the fire! The flames burst into our lens as we transition back into the main entry, sliding toward the Weight Room~

Smith: Henri had no interest in reading that one.

Hood: I mean we all know how it goes. Protagonist has everything. Protagonist wins everything. Protagonist gets everything. Protagonist never struggles.

Smith: True

~Marcus keeps the sleeper locked in. The fans start to cheer as we see LCP rolling around, returning to consciousness. A group of fraternity guys molesting a keg look up and yell, “THAT’S OUR BOY! LET’S GO, LEW!” They toast solo cups. LCP crawls toward the wall. He looks up...Duce is on his knees, his arms hanging by his side. Amby continues to look in the opposite direction. Marcus yells at her. She raises up and looks around. She jumps, spinning around to face Marcus and Duce. She reaches, grabbing Ka’Derrion’s arm~

Marcus Ka’Derrion: Not mine! His!

~Amby smiles and nods...she reaches down and grabs Duce’s arm...she raises it...it falls. The fans outside gasp~

Smith: Duce might be out!

Hood: Marcus is about to eliminated Duce AND LCP!

Smith: Two birds with one stone...that’d narrow this field down considerably!

~LCP sees Duce’s arm fall and he grabs onto the wall. He stares at the ground, closing his eyes, breathing. He’s working up all the strength he’s got left in his body to make this last climb attempt. Amby grabs Duce’s arm and raises it high…she lets it go...but it doesn’t fall!! The fans go wild!! Duce fires up!! Marcus looks around, holding onto the sleeper, trying to apply more pressure. Duce reaches up, grabbing Marcus by the hair and he flips him over!! Marcus flips and lands on his ass in front of Duce...Duce looks into his hands, tons of hair ripped out...he frowns with disgust and throws the hair aside. He backs up and leans against the wall as Marcus staggers to his feet...Duce charges forward and he hits a huge SPEAR!!!! The back of Ka’Derrion’s head slams into the surface of the wall platform!! Duce hooks the leg! Amby drops down, her ass facing the pin attempt...she counts~

1!

2!

KICK OUT!!

Smith: Close! But Marcus Ka’Derrion won’t go down easily. He isn’t a legend by luck.

Hood: Nope. If he can remain Marcus Ka’Derrion I think he might win this.

Smith: It’d probably help even if his entire body is falling apart.

~LCP hears the pin attempt and the fans counting outside. Determination grips the slacker. He grabs onto the wall and starts to climb. His legs shake. His arms tremble...he dares not look down. He clings to the wall and takes it one step at a time. We zoom back up to the top where Duce is back on his feet...the fans firmly behind the OCW star. Marcus struggles, getting to his feet...Duce charges forward and delivers a shoot kick to the chest!! Marcus gasps for air. Duce smacks him with a spinning backfist...some teeth fly out of Ka’Derrion’s mouth! Duce follows that up with a vicious kick into Ka’Derrion’s knee...he drops to a kneeling position...Duce backs up and rushes forward with a D-Trigga!!!! But Marcus rises! He catches Duce and drills him into the ground with a pop up powerbomb!! Duce lands hard, holding the back of his head!! Marcus falls to his side! The fans outside go wild...we start to pull away, both competitors down...we get a shot of LCP...he’s halfway up the wall and clinging for dear life. We exit the room and head back upstairs~

Smith: It’s heating up between Duce and Marcus.

Hood: Duce was going for The Juice...one D-Trigga away from pulling it off.

Smith: Yep, but Marcus knew what was coming. A pro through and through.

~Upstairs we check in on our dear, sweet prince Mack. Laying atop the bed, he scratches his belly and lets out a belch~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~Seems cozy enough. We head back into the Home Theater to return to Meteor 2~

Smith: Here we go….back into space!

Hood: Mike’s about to puke and Vhodka’s ribs are shattered.

~Mike retches...but he holds it in. That loud, horrible roar sounds from outside the door. He straightens up, his face turning a shade or two above pallid. He hears something...it’s Vhodka moaning. But there’s another noise...the clicking of tiny feet. He looks around...he thinks he sees something out of the corner of his eye running behind a control panel. His eyes shift side to side...they are not alone~

Smith: Don’t tell me they have a rodent problem up there.

Hood: Who wrote this shit? Ed? Did you put rats in space?!

Smith: I guess we’ll have to find out.

~Vhodka fights through the bruised, likely cracked ribs and reaches over the control panel. She sees the red button. Zybala breaks away from the fear of unseen creatures and charges forward. Vhodka gets to her feet to press the button. Zybala runs in...he steps up on a chair and dives over Vhodka with a sunset flip!! He pulls her forward and she SLAMS back first into the giant windshield. A loud ‘PANG’ as the glass is unforgiving! She groans, rolling over and holding the back of her head. Mike pops to his feet and he throws a few superkicks into the air!! He heads for the button~

Smith: Ugh that had to hurt.

Hood: Don’t let up, Mike! She’s from Bent Fork. Trust me...she can handle a lot.

Smith: So you ARE rooting for Mike.

Hood: I don’t fuckin know, man. Maybe.

~Zybala reaches for the button...but he can’t get to it. He looks down and Vhodka is holding onto his leg. Mike feels a bit of sympathy but then remembers Vhodka pulling out of an Outsider’s booking. His eyes become inflamed with RAGE. He reaches down, grabbing her by the orange hair. He pulls her go her feet...but as she gets there she leans in, headbutting Mike in the chin!!! Mike staggers! Vhodka jumps up, grabs Mike’s head...she kicks off the control panel, spins around and NAILS Mike with Harvey Wallbanger (Tornado DDT)!!!! Zybala’s head spikes as he flips over and sits up, facing out the giant windshield. He points at Mars as they soar past it before falling back to the ground. Vhodka remains down, selling her ribs~

Voice: Less than three hours until the decimation of all puppies.

~Vhodka shuts her eyes, trying to fight through the pain. She hears that loud, terrible roar again and her eyes shoot open. We pull away from the scene and leave the movie. We’re back in the theater hearing Puffer’s buzzer. We head down and look at the screen~

nine

5:00am

Smith: Only two hours left!

Hood: We’re getting to it. The witching hour...or hours.

Smith: Indeed!

~We head into the Library. He locates a book called ‘The Babysitter’s Club’. Henri opens it up and nods...he takes a seat, perusing its contents as we exit the Library and head back to the Weight Room~

Smith: Henri really catching up on his OCW history.

Hood: Yea, all the toxic shit.

Smith: Hey...maybe to kill a curse you have to know the curse. Learn about the curse.

Hood: I guess.

~LCP is about 2/3 the way up. He’s hugging the wall, sweat pouring from his face. The fans outside cheer him on. We float back up to the top. Ka’Derrion gets to his feet, holding his chest. Duce is on all fours...Marcus grabs him by the hair, pulling him to his feet. He whips Duce into the wall! Duce hits hard. Marcus charges in and slams a lariat into Duce’s chest, smashing him into the wall!! Ka’Derrion backs up as Duce stumbles forward. Marcus catches him and spins around with a slam, drilling Duce into the platform!! Duce hits with a loud THUD...his back arches in pain. Marcus goes for the pin~

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

Smith: Duce kicks out! Marcus is pulling ahead in this one, though. Duce needs to turn the tide.

Hood: I’m more concerned about LCP...if he falls now...that’s...that’s gonna hurt.

Smith: He’s got to get up there if he wants to survive.

~Ka’Derrion gets to his knees and punches Duce in the head, repeatedly. We get a shot of LCP...he’s so close to the top. He reaches for the top with his hand...his foot slips. The fans outside gasp~

Smith: Oh no! LCP!

Hood: SHIT!

~LCP’s legs slip...he jumps up and grabs the edge of the top, hanging...his legs swaying side to side~

Smith: Hang on, LCP!

Hood: We’ve already had one wrestling star die this week we don’t need another!

~Ka’Derrion gets to his feet. He stomps on Duce. Behind him we see LCP’s hands. The fans cheer as LCP gets his feet back secured...we watch his head rise behind Marcus. Marcus measures Duce up...he steps forward...but LCP dives ahead and grabs his leg!! Marcus falls forward, face planting on the platform!! LCP rolls to safety!! The fans go wild!! LCP gets to his feet...Ka’Derrion gets to his knees...LCP jumps up and cracks Ka’Derrion in the head with Chronic Kick!!!! Marcus falls face down to the platform!! LCP gets to his feet, fired up...he turns and sees Duce on his feet...these two start to square off. As they do...a familiar sound plagues LCP~

Zombie Marcus: Argh...ARGH

Smith: Oh no...the Zombie is back.

Hood: Stop kicking him in the head!

Smith: Although...this might actually be better for both Duce and LCP.

~Duce looks down at the resurrected Zombie Marcus like ‘wtf’. LCP gets an idea...he moves forward and stomps on Zombie Marcus’ hand...he stomps and stomps until the right hand breaks off!! Fans turn away...some cheer...most are just like ‘geezus’. Duce nods...he picks up what LCP is putting down. He leans back...Zombie Marcus gets to his knees...Duce rushes forward with a D-Trigga!!! It connects!! Zombie Marcus falls over the edge...he falls and falls and lands HARD at the bottom of the Rock Wall!! The fans outside the house chant “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” LCP throws his arms up in celebration...he does a little jog...as he turns around Duce nearly takes his head off with a clothesline~

Smith: Short lived unity.

Hood: They had to get the zombie out of the way. Smart move by Duce...now he can put LCP down.

Smith: You make it sound so easy.

Hood: Cause it should be!

~Duce stands over LCP as we exit the Weight Room. We float back up to the second floor to check in on Mack. He’s laying in bed, mumbling. He reaches down and scratches his crotch~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~Keep doing your thing, legend. We leave the Guest Room and head back into the Home theater~

Smith: it’s time for more Meteor 2!

Hood: They’re gonna let Earth get got, aren’t they?

Smith: I don’t know about LET but it could happen.

Hood: This is why we can’t have nice things.

~Vhodka seems frozen, standing...not far from the button. The terrible roar sounds out again~

Voice: Less than two hours until all of Bent Fork is demolished.

~She shakes her head, snapping out of it. Her friends. Her family. She’s got to save them. Her focus turns toward the button...then she hears the pattering of tiny feet like Zybala did earlier. She pauses...what the fuck was that? She looks around...something flashes in the corner of her eye. She jerks her head in that direction...nothing~

Smith: What’s in there?

Hood: I’m telling you...a giant space rat.

Smith: I hope not. Gross.

~She tries to block it from her mind, turning back to the button. She hears something else...she turns around and SUPERKICK!!! Zybala is back!! He drills her in the chin with a SUPERKICK!! She flies over the control panel and lands hard on the other side. She scurries, struggling to get to her feet. Mike hops up onto the control panel and he leaps off with a Double Axe Handle!! But Vhodka jumps up and delivers a V-Trigger knee into Mike’s balls!!! He spins around, doubling over. She leans back against the secondary, smaller control panel, holding her face. They are shoulder to shoulder, nursing their injuries...the red button just a few feet in front of them~

Smith: It’s right there! Reach out and save us all!

Hood: Dude, it’s a fuckin movie.

Smith: MY IMMERSION

~Vhodka reaches for it...Mike grabs her by the hair, yanking her back. Mike steps for it...Vhodka grabs him by the ears, yanking him back. They turn and face each other, furious. They start to brawl!! Mike lands right hands! Vhodka hits him with palm strikes! Vhodka jabs him in the throat! Mike gasps for air...Vhodka leans in to bite him, but Zybala rises up, giving her a hug...she tries to fight out of it. He tosses her over with an over the head belly-to-belly but Vhodka lands on her feet! Mike scurries to his...she rushes at him and leaps into the air with SCREWDRIVER!! But Mike catches her and throws her forward. Again, she lands on her feet...she spins around and SUPERKICK!!! She staggers back...Zybala hits another SUPERKICK!! Vhodka falls down, on her back. Mike doubles over, catching his breath...he sees the button. He nods...he hears the roar...it sounds closer. He pauses, looking toward the door. He turns and sees Earth getting larger, closer. He looks back at the button~

Smith: Hit it, Mike! You got this!

Hood: If he eliminates Vhodka...he might actually win the title, man.

Smith: C’mon, Mike!

~Zybala reaches for the button but a tiny creature leaps up on the control panel! It springs forward and wraps itself around Mike’s face~

Smith: It’s a facehugger!

Hood: WHAT THE FUCK!

~Zybala staggers back, trying to get it off his face~

Smith: Mike! No!

Hood: Did Ed just rip off Alien when he wrote this...what the fuck.

~The facehugger is locked in tight. It shakes. Mike’s hands wave around frantically. We leave the scene! The fans outside yell “BULLSHIT!” Puffer’s alarm is going off...we exit the Home Theater, coasting over the two sleeping competitors and back down into the main entry way. Puffer’s phone screen becomes visible~

ten

6:00am

Smith: One hour until sunrise!

Hood: Let’s fuckin go!

Smith: Mack and Henri are advancing...but we have no idea what’s going to transpire in these two other matches.

Hood: Shit’s about to get realer than the realness that’s already made it real.

~We slide into the Library. Henri finishes the Babysitter’s Club and puts it back on the shelf. He looks around...he looks out the window and sees the sky changing~

Henri Toussaint: Yea, I’m good.

~He heads for the door and opens it. Toussaint smiles...he’s the only guy standing, for the moment. He could get used to this. We leave Henri and head back into the Weight Room. Zombie Marcus gurgles...his body starts to twitch. We rise up the wall where LCP and Duce square off. LCP reaches for Duce...but Duce takes him over with an arm drag! LCP scrambles to his feet...he spins around and throws a kick at Duce...Duce grabs the leg and he throws LCP down with a Dragon Screw Leg Whip. LCP nurses his knee while back sliding up to the wall, staring up at Duce~

Smith: Duce is legit, LCP.

Hood: Yep. Man knows his way around a yard, a ring, a haunted fuckin house. Guy knows how to throw down.

Smith: Indeed.

~Duce approaches LCP...LCP throws his hands up, begging Duce off. LCP slides up the wall, to his feet. Duce reaches for him...LCP spits right in Duce’s face!! Duce is temporarily stunned/blinded. LCP grabs the back of Duce’s head and he jumps up, driving both knees into Duce’s face! Duce spins around...LCP grabs him and rolls him over with a schoolboy!!! Amby, way on the other side of the platform, drops down and counts~

1!

2!

3...NO!

Smith: That might’ve been LCP’s best shot.

Hood: Yea, Duce is gonna be extra pissed.

~Duce kicks out so hard LCP nearly flies over the edge of the wall. His leg goes over but the rest of his body stays on. He struggles to his feet, terrified. Duce is already on his feet. Duce rushes forward with a D-Trigga!! SMACK! Right into LCP’s face!! LCP is about to go over the wall but Duce grabs his arm, “No you don’t!” He then whips LCP into the wall...LCP runs face first into the hard, rubber wall. Duce grabs LCP from behind and he throws him over with an Inverted Hip Toss!!! LCP SPLATS onto the platform. He slowly gets to his feet and Duce rushes past LCP...he bumps into the wall and fires forward with a knee strike!!!! IntroDUCED!!!!! LCP falls flat on his back! Duce makes the cover as the fans outside the house count~

1!

2!

3!!!

NO!

Smith: The hand! The hand of Zombie Marcus just lifted LCP’s arm off the mat!

Hood: Are you fucking kidding me?!

~Duce looks over, his eyes wide. He sees the hand of Zombie Marcus holding LCP’s arm off the platform...high enough for Amby to feel around and make sure his shoulder is up. She points out away from everyone holding two fingers. Duce’s eyes are wide with incredulity, staring at the hand. “Oh you muthafucka!” he manages to force through gritted teeth. The hand drops LCP’s arm and shakes, trying to beg Duce off...but Duce is on his feet and he rears back and delivers a HUGE soccer kick to the hand!! It goes flying, slamming into the wall before landing palm down on the platform. Duce spits and yells, “Stupid fuckin hand!!” He then turns back to LCP~

Smith: I almost feel like LCP and Zombie Marcus are developing some sort of weird unity.

Hood: If we get an LCP/Zombie romance then I quit. I’m done, forever. Get MoMo in here to call that shit.

~As Duce turns back to LCP, Pinkston rises up for a low blow!! But Duce blocks it and he slugs LCP in the face!!! He pulls LCP to his feet and throws him into the wall! LCP hits hard, staggering...Duce rushes forward with another D-Trigga!!! LCP drops to his knees. Duce stands over him...he grabs each hand and has LCP in position~

Smith: The ripcord headbutt followed by a knee strike! That’s going to knock LCP out.

Hood: Finish him off, Duce!!

~Duce pulls LCP in for the ripcord headbutt. But LCP throws his head into Duce’s crotch with a low blow!! Duce doubles over!! LCP pops to his feet, he grabs Duce’s head and drops him with Placentia Raised (Dirty Deeds DDT)!!!!! Duce flips over, unconscious!! LCP dives on top for the cover! Amby slides near the edge of the wall, nearly sliding off, she makes the count~

1!

2!

3!!!!!

~The fans outside pop~

Smith: LCP just pinned Duce!!

Hood: Un-fuckin-real.

Smith: And...wait a minute...what’s Amby doing?

~Amby gets to her feet and points at LCP and the hand of Zombie Marcus~

Smith: Zombie Marcus won, too??

Hood: Huh?

~We get a replay. As LCP pins Duce we see the hand of Zombie Marcus dive on top of Duce’s leg. Amby counts three and points at both the hand and LCP~

Smith: Yessir! I’m being told both LCP and Zombie Marcus are advancing!

Hood: Fuckin ridiculous.

~LCP gets to his knees and looks at the hand. The hand is in a fist and shaking...it then opens up, asking for a five from LCP. LCP slaps it off the platform...it falls all the way down the wall and near the feet of Zombie Marcus, who keeps trying to climb but can’t with just one hand. Zombie Marcus grabs his hand and begins to reattach it. The room shakes...it shrinks...and before long it’s back to normal~

Smith: Zombie Marcus and LCP are both advancing! Meanwhile Duce has been eliminated.

Hood: Sorry, Duce. I was pulling for ya, buddy.

~LCP pats Duce on the chest, respecting the man. He then heads for the door to get away from Zombie Marcus. The door opens and LCP exits...he sees Henri and sneers. LCP staggers down the steps and falls to the ground, leaning against the front door to rest~

Henri Toussaint: You finally finish that fuckin bitch azz zombie…

Zombie Marcus: ARGGGHH

LCP: It never ends!

~LCP pulls at his hair as Zombie Marcus emerges from the room and staggers around. Henri shakes his head~

Henri Toussaint: Duce?

LCP: Didn’t make it.

~Henri nods~

Henri Toussaint: Nice.

~We head back upstairs and check in on the Guest Room. Mack is scratching his bald head~

Mack O’Connor: SNORE

~Like a fuckin baby. We exit the Guest Room and head back to the Home Theater as the crowd rises with anticipation~

Smith: LCP, Henri, Mack, and Zombie Marcus are all advancing. It’s now down to Vhodka and Zybala.

Hood: And Earth. We can’t forget about Earth!

Smith: Yes, human civilization is in the hands of Zybala and Vhodka.

Hood: God help us all.

~We are sucked back into Meteor 2. The Facehugger is still, ya know, hugging Zybala’s face. Mike reaches up with his hands and he grips the sides...he pulls and pulls and pulls and POP! He gets it off his face. It’s legs wiggle, trying to reattach...Mike throws it up in the air...it comes down and BAM! He kicks it in half with a SUPERKICK!!! The sound of latex squeaking across a hard, metal surface ruins Mike’s celebrating as Vhodka slides under his extended leg and gives him a low blow!!! Zybala doubles over. Vhodka pops to her feet and she knees him in the face! He stumbles back. Vhodka gives chase...the battle takes them farther away from the button~

Voice: Less than 60 minutes until planet Earth’s extinction.

~Vhodka rakes her hands across Zybala’s face! He staggers back against a control panel. Vhodka spins him around and slams him face first into the controls! The lights flicker. The air in the room picks up as the vents start to blow extra high. Vhodka wraps her hands around Mike’s throat and she shoves back, forcing him up against the control panel while choking him...the look in her eyes about as serious as can be~

Smith: She’s gonna try and choke him out!

Hood: Well, I mean, she’s gotta save Bent Fork.

Smith: And keep her hopes alive here at Cursed Countdown!

~A loud, terrible scream sounds just outside the door to the control room. A loud BANG follows it. Vhodka spins around, letting Mike go. Mike coughs, spitting up some weird substance. He shakes it off and hops up onto the control panel. Vhodka turns around and Mike jumps off with a METEORA!!!! He lands right on top of Vhodka, hard on the unforgiving surface!! Mike tumbles forward, coming to rest on one knee...he pops up and spins around, the red button several feet away...Vhodka laying between him and victory~

Smith: I don’t know what Mike coughed up but it looked nasty.

Hood: Maybe he’s finally purging whatever it is inside of him that keeps that heart ticking for Outsiders.

Smith: I hope not. I love Outsiders!

~More loud BANGING at the door. Something is trying to get in. Zybala looks that way, swallowing hard. He coughs up some more weird looking phlegm before seeing Vhodka stir. Mike heads Vhodka’s way...he pulls her off the ground and removes a chair. He picks her up for a spinebuster and drives her into the chair!!! Vhodka is left seated in the chair, slouched to her side...the chair is in Zybala’s way. He hears something behind him...he turns...it’s another Facehugger...he yells and runs at it, kicking it into the wall where it splats all over the place. Mike breathes heavily…he doubles over, coughing up more weird shit. Another loud BANG at the door as a dent appears. Mike nods...he hops up onto the control panel and rushes across it, heading for the button...but Vhodka hops up onto the chair and dives at him! She throws her body into him and they both tumble off the control panel and into the glass windshield!!!~

Smith: They’re both down!! We’re nearing extinction!

Hood: Just hit the fuckin button, fuckin hell!

Smith: The fight, the will to survive is paramount in both of these competitors...talk about impressive!

~Vhodka and Zybala are laid out in a heap up against the windshield. Behind them we see the the giant orb that is planet Earth. It’s about as close as it can get without entering its orbit. More banging at the control room door followed by screams as we exit the film. The fans outside get angry once again...but that alarm is going off. We leave the theater and head downstairs. Henri and LCP rest and wait. Zombie Marcus chews on a banister. We get a good look at the phone screen~

eleven

7:00am

Smith: The sun is rising! It’s time!

Hood: Rise and shine Macky baby!

~We head upstairs and enter the Guest Room. The sun fills in and touches Mack’s bald head. He smiles and slowly opens his eyes. Mack sits up and stretches. He lets out a refreshed yawn before getting to his feet and opening the door. Henri and LCP look up...they see Mack emerge and are immediately disappointed~

Henri Toussaint: Bitch.

LCP: Great, you’re still here.

~Mack smirks and casually strolls down the steps, patting Zombie Marcus on the back as he sharpens his teeth or something against that banister~

Mack O’Connor: Is this it?

~LCP and Henri both look up~

LCP: Think there’s a match going on up there.

~The three men all turn their focus to the door of the Home Theater. We head that way, entering back into the film room where Meteor 2 is about to reach its conclusion. We are immersed back into the action~

Smith: The conclusion! Let’s go!

Hood: Okay, I’ve decided. Let’s go Zybala!

Smith: Hell has officially frozen over.

~Bang! Bang! Bang! More dents in the front door~

Voice: Cataclysmic Impact Imminent.

~The lights in the control room flicker. An alarm start to go off. Red lights begin to flash. Vhodka sits up, taking it all in. She looks over at Mike. He begins to come to...she grabs his head and throws the back of his head against the glass windshield. Mike winces in pain. Vhodka pulls herself up...she looks forward and sees something big and terrible pounding at the door...the door giving and giving~

Smith: You better hurry!

Hood: Seriously...end this fuckin movie.

Smith: Sounds like Meteor 2 has sucked you in.

Hood: Oh fuck you. Movie is still a shitty ripoff of something way better.

~Vhodka looks around and finds the button...she reaches over the back of the control panel to hit it...but she goes flying!! Zybala rises up and grabs her legs, slinging her over the back of the panel! She tumbles forward, hitting the ground. Mike rises and leans forward...he coughs some phlegm up on the control panel and looks at it...more than a hint of concern on his face. But the alarm and red flashing lights keep him focused. He hops up onto the control panel and raises his leg to stomp on the button...but Vhodka lunges forward, sweeping his leg!! He falls onto the panel, his back slamming into a few buttons! Water starts to spray from the ceiling~

Voice: Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert!

~Vhodka turns, reaching for the button but Mike grabs her by the orange hair and drags her onto the panel with him. Together they get to their feet, standing on controls...they start to brawl! Mike throws hands. Vhodka delivers chops and the occasional forearm! Both warriors battling with water and sirens going off all around them, their hair getting wetter by the second. The ship starts to shake and move...their feet stepping on all kinds of buttons. But they hold their balance and keep brawling~

Smith: C’mon, hurry!

Hood: It’s just a movie. Right? RIGHT?

Smith: I think so

~Vhodka and Zybala both kick each other in the gut. They grab one another by their heads and they spin off the control panel to the floor with a double swinging neck breaker!! Both hit hard, holding their head and neck, rolling around on the ground. The planet Earth is starting to consume the entire front windshield. The alarm continues to go off. The door is continuing to get bashed in~

Smith: NO! Get up! One of you!

Hood: Save Hollywood Hood...please. He’s so young and so innocent!

~We get a shot from just over the back of the control panel at the bright Red Button. The door in the background is being pummeled by a screeching beast. Water descends. Alarms blare~

Voice: Brace for Impact. Brace for Impact.

~A hand reaches up onto the panel! It belongs to Vhodka Black!!! She pulls herself up, her orange hair soaked, her makeup starting to run. She sees the button and reaches for it...but she gets pulled away!! Mike pops to his feet and he reaches for it...but Vhodka pulls him back. He turns, facing Vhodka...she throws a kick...he blocks it and knees her in the sternum. She stumbles back...something falls out of her pants and lands on the ground. Mike takes a step back and then he hits a SUPERKICK!!! Vhodka teeters, on her heels~

Smith: Superkick!!! Mike’s got this!

Hood: One more, Mike! One more to keep the Bent Fork Princess down!

~Zybala fires up a second superkick. The item from Vhodka’s pocket starts to vibrate. It’s the hairbrush! As it vibrates a hologram appears in front of Mike. It’s Marcus Welsh. Zybala pauses~

Mike Zybala: Marcus?!

~Welsh smiles and nods. He extends his arms for a hug. Zybala fights back tears and reaches in to hug Welsh...as he does, Vhodka flies through the hologram of Welsh and she hits Mike with SCREWDRIVER!!!! Zybala’s body snaps back, slamming into standing water on the floor. A soaked Vhodka stumbles around. She grabs her hairbrush and turns, facing the red button...she raises both hands up and SLAMS down on to the button!!~

Voice: Diverting Course. Diverting Course.

Smith: She did it!

Hood: Damn. Well, she earned it.

Smith: Vhodka has survived Mike Zybala!!

~Vhodka staggers around. The door continues to get pounded on. She looks down at Mike...his chest starts to rise and fall unnaturally. Her eyes widen. Suddenly a creature bursts from Mike’s chest~

Smith: Ah!

Hood: Holy fuckin shit!

~It’s a tiny alien with a bob haircut that kinda looks like Catalina Cortes. It looks up at Vhodka and snarls...Vhodka raises her foot and stomps on it, crushing its head. The beast outside the door roars in an amalgamation of agony and fury. Vhodka’s head snaps back~

Smith: Okay that thing outside the door is super angry now.

Hood: Time to wake up. Time for the movie to end. Let’s not have this thing carry on like all movies do these days.

~Vhodka looks around. The alarm has stopped. The water is no longer pouring down. The lights still flicker, though~

Vhodka Black: Can you hear me?

Voice: Yes Mrs. Black.

Vhodka Black: Give me Emilio’s Backyard.

~The fans outside the haunted house let out a ‘ooohhh’~

Smith: What is she thinking?

Hood: Okay I might be team Vhodka now.

~The windshield pulls up the home of Outsiders Championship Wrestling~

Vhodka Black: Does this thing have laser?

Voice: Yes Mrs. Black.

Vhodka Black: Can it fire a laser and destroy Outsiders Championship Wrestling?

Voice: Yes Mrs. Black.

~More banging at the door. The door is about to fly off its hinges~

Voice: Is that what you want, Mrs. Black?

~She thinks. She ponders. She looks at an image of the home of Outsiders Championship Wrestling knowing a laser is pointed and ready. She sighs~

Vhodka Black: Nevermind. Send this thing into the sun.

Voice: Yes Mrs. Black. Self-Destruction initiated.

~The fans outside the Haunted House go wild~

Smith: Good for her!

Hood: Oh god now I hate her.

~The spaceship takes off, heading for the sun. It’s flying at an accelerated rate, zooming past Earth and Venus and Mercury. The heat and light of the sun pouring in through the windshield. The beast wails outside the door...it finally flies off it’s hinges. Vhodka’s body is to the door as a giant Xenomorph enters the room. It screams and charges at Vhodka as the sun pours in...Vhodka extends her arms and shuts her eyes...the beast nears her and our view is suddenly blocked out by the sun as it all burns away~

Smith: It...it’s over.

Hood: We lived!

~Hood hugs Smith~

Smith: Yea, yea, we lived. You gonna get a copy of Meteor 2 now?

Hood: Fuck no and get off me you weirdo.

~Hood composes himself. We head back into the main entry of the house as Puffer wakes up and looks around...Henri, Mack, LCP, and Zombie Marcus~ Jack Puffer: Is...is this it?

~They all look toward the Home Theater. Puffer turns that way as well. Our view heads up there and through the door. Vhodka wakes up and sits up in her chair...the screen in front of her snowy static. She leans forward, digesting what just happened. She stands and looks down at Mike Zybala who remains asleep. She takes her hand and runs it through his hair before ruffling it a bit and smiling. She turns and heads for the door. We cut back outside as the knob turns~

Mack O’Connor: C’mon, Mike.

LCP: Shit, it’s gonna be somebody.

Henri Toussaint: Either a bitch or a literal bitch.

Zombie Marcus: ARGH

~The door opens and Vhodka Black reveals herself. The entire room grows uneasy, aside from Zombie Marcus as it becomes clear they’ve got a major contender to deal with~

Smith: If they didn’t know it by now it’s become painfully obvious...Vhodka Black is going to be tough to beat.

Hood: She walked into OCW’s most sacred abode and took out a Hall of Famer.

Smith: Some might say the very heart of this promotion.

Hood: She didn’t come to play. She came to win.

~She leans over the banister enjoying the look on each competitor’s face. Puffer nods, impressed. He goes to speak when he’s suddenly cut off~

Harvey Marx: Ladies and Gentlemen!

~Puffer’s eyes widen~

Jack Puffer: SERIOUSLY

~Harvey stands outside the house with his arms in the air...the fans going wild chanting “HARVEY! HARVEY! HARVEY!”~

Harvey Marx: Seven entered! Five will exit! Give it up for the five remaining survivors...Henri Toussaint, Mack O’Connor, LC Pinkston, Zombie Marcus, and Vhodka Black!!!

~The fans go wild. The five competitors inside the house nod, appreciating the job Harvey did in announcing their survival. Puffer’s face is burning~

Jack Puffer: Oh...that’s it!

~Jack exits the house and goes to confront Harvey...but Harvey just gives him a big hug before hooking Jack’s head under his arm and giving him a very friendly but very aggressive noogie! Jack winces and tries to break free but can’t~

Smith: It’s dawn! Another night of Cursed Countdown is behind us!

Hood: Over half the field has been eliminated. Only five are left.

Smith: Yep with five episodes to go!

Hood: And Mack has yet to fight anyone. That’s what we call working smarter, not harder.

Smith: Indeed! Folks, thanks again for tuning in to this ground breaking pro wrestling program! We’ll be back next week with Episode 4 of Cursed Countdown!

~We get a final shot of Harvey rough housing a very angry but very helpless Jack Puffer. We head back inside to see all five competitors gathering themselves before exiting. We dive down into the basement...the mood changes. The walls slide and slither. The OG OCW title rests in the back, leaking and pulsating. Cocco Ricci manifests right in front of our eyes~

Cocco Ricci: Last week seven competitors had their courage tested. Pushed to the very brink of defeat...all seven fought back and survived, proving they have what it takes to withstand the horrors of this house.

~An image of The Toothfairy appears, holding seven teeth in his dead hand~

Cocco Ricci: They returned tonight to wage war. Two were unable to withstand the battle.

~The Toothfairy drops two teeth to the ground. He opens his hand, revealing five broken, bloodied, jagged teeth in his palm~

Cocco Ricci: Five remain. Four pretenders and one champion. They will return in one week to continue throwing themselves against this curse to see if they can match the horrors of OCW’s past. We are not done testing them, not by a long shot.

~Ricci stares into the screen~

Cocco Ricci: We are not done testing you. We look forward to seeing you again. Until next time.

~Our view statics before cutting out~

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