OCW Presents: Cursed Countdown
LIVE! Friday, September 13th, 2024
From the Haunted OCW HQ in Key West
Episode 2 - "Friday the 13th"

Friday the 13th

Somewhere in Key West, probably.

~A couple of late 20 aged partiers are paying way too much for cheap beer inside a Circle K. It’s dark and dreary outside. They appear to be the only two customers. A middle aged, gaunt man stands behind the counter~

Guy 1: I thought they had BP gas stations down here.

Guy 2: I don’t know. I never really gave much thought to the location of gas stations.

Guy 1: You think my BP joke about oil and the ocean would still make this guy laugh?

~They stare at the tired, withdrawn man~

Guy 2: I don’t think anything would do that job.

Guy 1: Fine.

~They pay and exit. The door chimes as it opens and shuts~

Guy 2: Besides. That BP shit was like ten years ago. Freshen up your material.

Guy 1: Hey, a good joke never expires.

~A breeze rolls through as both men survey the parking lot. It’s eerily quiet. Only one car, theirs. A few overhead lights provide the only illumination as far as the eye can see. A light fog seems to be rolling in~

Guy 2: Place is giving me the creeps.

Guy 1: Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

Guy 2: Dude your material is so lame!

Guy 1: Hey! You’re lame!

~Guy 2 grabs Guy 1~

Guy 2: Whoa...did you see that?

Guy 1: Nah man but I’m about to see this can pop open.

~He rips into the box of beer, tearing it open and snagging a cold can~

Guy 2: Somebody is out there. He looks pretty big.

Guy 1: Told ya you should’ve hit the gym more. Wouldn’t be so fuckin insecure if you had these guns.

~Guy 1 tries to flex but drops the box of beer in the process. Cans spurt and spray everywhere~

Guy 2: Dude!

Guy 1: Hey! That wasn’t my fault...the cardboard was all wet and worn!

Guy 2: Well now all these beers are fuckin wasted.

~Guy 1 shakes the one beer he opened that remains drinkable~

Guy 1: I’m about to get wasted.

Guy 2: Alright well I’m gonna go back in there and see if he’ll replace these beers.

Guy 1: Yea, you do that.

~Guy 2 heads back into the store and begins espousing his issue with the gaunt employee. As he does, his friend is attacked outside the door by a menacing figure. Blood splatters all over the window~

Guy 2: Half off, then? I mean a box shouldn’t just rip apart like that.

~The door bell chimes~

Guy 2: Great. I apologize for my friend in advance, he’s a little

~Guy 2 notices the expression on the gaunt man’s face change for the first time all evening. The gaunt man’s head is suddenly removed from his shoulders in one easy swipe~

Guy 2: HOLY SHIT

~Guy 2 swings around and finds himself staring directly into the barreled chest of a massive figure. Glancing up, a molded, sullied hockey mask stares back at him. He screams and ducks under the man’s arms, darting out of the gas station and into the dark Key West evening~

Camp Efed Lake
That Same Evening

~An attractive blonde sits on a bed inside a camp cabin. She’s all alone playing Solitaire. She sighs...things just aren’t going the way she thought they would. A cabin nearby explodes with laughter and joy. She shakes her head...an amalgamation of confusion and frustration painted all over her face. Suddenly, screams sound out from the woods behind her. Cries for help. She pops to her feet and opens the door. It’s Guy 2. He’s sprinting toward her~

Guy 2: Help! Open the door! There’s a maniac on the loose!

~A benevolent and albeit naive soul, she opens the door, offering refuge. Guy 2 pants, falling to all fours~

Girl: Are you okay?

Guy 2: Lock the doors. There’s a killer on the loose. He just murdered my friend and a creepy gas station attendant.

~She doesn’t waste any time. The doors are locked~

Girl: Why did you come here?

Guy 2: It’s a camp lake. I figured I’d be safe. Why? Was that a bad idea?

~Before she can answer, a gust of wind violates the room. They both turn to find a previously closed window open~

Girl: Quick, get behind me.

Guy 2: Whoa, shouldn’t you…

~She pulls out a gun~

Guy 2: Nevermind! Behind you I go!

~A major flash of lightning comes from nowhere followed by a loud crash of thunder. The lights in the cabin go off for a second before flickering back on and revealing the terrifying figure of the hockey masked murderer. He’s wielding a blood soaked machete. Guy 2 hears the shouts of joy and frivolity from the cabin nearby~

Guy 2: Should we go over there? Why are you here alone?

Girl: I’m not going over there.

Guy 2: Why not? Sounds like they are having a great time...plus we could use some help right about now.

Girl: Because it’s a bunch of weird guys roleplaying as lesbians so they can all hook up with each other.

Guy 2: Uh, say that again?

Girl: Camp Efed Lake sucks

~The murderer hears this tale of sheer audacity. His gloved grip tightens around the handle of his machete and he spins around, kicking the door open. Clearly on a mission, the murderer heads toward the efed lesbian cabin~

Girl: Quick, let’s go while we have time.

~She slides the gun back into her pants~

Guy 2: Where?

Girl: There’s an event about a quarter mile through those woods. It’s the only location where we might have a chance at being safe.

Guy 2: What kind of an event? I’m not joining a cult.

Girl: A wrestling event.

Guy 2: Oh, okay.

Girl: Inside a Haunted House

Guy 2: A HAUNTED HOUSE?

~Shouts of murder and terror come from the other cabin~

Girl: Or you can stay here.

Guy 2: Nah, I’m down for a Haunted House. Let’s go.

~Together, they take off sprinting into the dark woods as our view shifts upward focusing on the full moon creeping down on the eerie Key West scene. The Cursed Countdown logo and theme starts to play~

one

~We cut LIVE to the Haunted House in Key West! Smith and Hood stand in their same spots as before, ready to do some more amazing commentary~

Smith: Hello again everyone and welcome to Episode 2 of Cursed Countdown! I’m your host Smith and alongside me as always is Friend Hood!

Hood: You’re only my friend if you brought the coffee.

Smith: Freshly brewed and ready to go.

Hood: Alright.

Smith: Last week we saw some amazing action as 11 of the world’s best competitors entered the house with four being eliminated. This week the 7 remaining stars enter the house once again to spend an evening all with the hopes of surviving yet another Cursed Evening!

Hood: Every evening in this fuckin sport is cursed.

Smith: The competitors will be entering shortly. But, first, I’m told our new GM is here.

Hood: Mobez?

Smith: GM Mobley.

Hood: That’s what I said.

~Derek Mobley stands outside the Haunted House wearing a look of concern. The crowd of blood thirsty horror film fans combined with the real horror that lies within the house’s walls creates an uneasy recipe. Eugene walks up~

Eugene: Hey Derek!

~Derek jumps~

Derek Mobley: Damnit, you scared me.

~Eugene lowers his head~

Eugene: I’m sorry.

~Derek pats Eugene on his bowed head~

Derek Mobley: That’s okay. What you got there?

~Derek nods toward a plastic cage Eugene is holding with both hands. His tiny arms struggling~

Eugene: A good luck charm!

~Derek perks up~

Derek Mobley: Oh, like a lucky rabbit’s foot?

Eugene: Even better!

~Eugene struggles. Derek helps out. They get the cage raised to eye level~

Derek Mobley: Eugene, that’s a duck.

Eugene: Not just A duck but it’s THE duck. The finest duck in all the land. A duck so wholesome and innocent it’s bound to bring us some good luck tonight!

Derek Mobley: Be honest. You just grabbed a duck on the way up here.

Eugene: No sir! This duck was a prize fought over by OCW’s greatest gentlemen…The Big Bifford and Cecilworth Farthington! This duck was the official mascot for OCW back in 2019! This duck is the luckiest duck in all the world.

~Derek takes a closer look~

Derek Mobley: I mean, that is a nice looking duck.

Eugene: The nicest.

Derek Mobley: Alright, the duck can stay.

Eugene: The duck can stay!!

~Derek and Eugene hold the duck high. The fans go wild~

Fans: THE DUCK! THE DUCK! THE DUCK!

Smith: The most famous duck in wrestling history! A beacon of all that is pure in this world.

Hood: Look, it’s a very nice looking duck.

Smith: The nicest.

~A rather large crowd has started to gather. They’re dressed in mostly black t-shirts with “JASON LIVES” and “JASON X IS AN UNDERRATED MASTERPIECE” t-shirts. Lots of 80s horror iconography being sported~

Smith: Folks...I don’t know what happened but hundreds of fans just started showing up.

Hood: Word got out that I’m single and looking.

Smith: Mhm. Puffer! Any word on where all these people came from and why they’re here?

~Jack Puffer walks in front of the camera. He pauses, thinks, and responds~

Jack Puffer: You act like this isn’t an event worth watching, Smith.

Smith: Well, I…

Hood: Careful, Smith. We haven’t had any casual murder on tonight’s program.

Jack Puffer: Or have we…

~Awkward moment. Puffer laughs~

Jack Puffer: I’m just messing with you, Smith. Look around...it’s Friday the 13th! These people are here because they think they might get to see the titular character of the series!

Smith: Michael Myers?

~Hood slaps Smith across the face~

Jack Puffer: Nope, the other one, Jason Voorhees. The hockey mask.

Smith: Ohhhh

Hood: Don’t ‘ooohhh’ like it’s a fuckin possibility. Dude’s not even real.

Jack Puffer: A lot of things in that house shouldn’t be real, Hood. Let’s just hope he doesn’t show up tonight.

Hood: Or if he does he can show up in Zybala’s room.

~Puffer chuckles, slapping Hood on the chest while Smith finds the joke unfunny. In the background we see Guy 2 and the Girl from our intro sneaking into the crowd and trying to remain safe and unseen~

Smith: Well alright, good luck tonight, Jack!

Hood: Yea and if you see Jade again tell her I said ‘sup’

~Jack looks puzzled. He heads inside the house~

Smith: Alright fans...the wrestlers are showing up so let’s head inside the house where Jack Puffer will get the hosting duties to himself for the evening and…

~A loud bang is heard. Everyone turns toward the house~

Hood: OMG

Smith: It’s just Amby! Compose yourself!

~Smith pries Hood off him as we see Amby once again shouldering hard into the entry way before managing to make it inside the house~

Hood: Dude, don’t be so fuckin judgmental. I just saw a big spider on your shoulder and was trying to kill it.

Smith: Right. Let’s head inside where Jack Puffer will get us started!

~Puffer is aiding Amby across the main entry~

Jack Puffer: Yes, yes, this way Amby.

Amby Brooks: Haha thanks but this isn’t necessary

~She nearly flips over an old wooden box~

Jack Puffer: Of course. There ya go. Just head on back there.

~Amby makes her way through a door. Puffer spins around~

Jack Puffer: Alright! Welcome one and all to Cursed Countdown Episode 2! A special Friday the 13th Episode! WooooooooOOOOoooo

~Puffer leans into the camera trying to be spooky. He doesn’t get much of a reaction until a figure that looks like Jason Voorhees appears behind him for a split second. The people outside shriek with a mixture of fear and glee. Puffer leans back, impressed~

Jack Puffer: And they said I couldn’t cut a convincing promo. Anyway...7 competitors remain in their quest to end this curse and claim the OCW Title! Last week 11 entered and four matches took place meaning four wrestlers were sent packing. Tonight we could see anywhere from none all the way to six leave the competition. It all comes down to which room they pick...so...whoa!

~Puffer jumps. The people outside scream. Our view shifts and we see LCP leaning up against a door. The door shakes. Something behind it wants to be freed~

Jack Puffer: LCP! Didn’t know you were already in here.

LCP: Really? I’ve been squatting here for like two months.

Jack Puffer: Oh. You having some problems over there?

LCP: This fuckin zombie won’t stop following me. Can you guys, I don’t know, help me lose him long enough so I don’t have to spend another evening with this thing?

~LCP leans in~

LCP: I don’t want to be rude but he kinda smells.

Voice: ARGH!!

Jack Puffer: Great. Sounds like he heard you!

~Zombie Marcus forces his way through the door. LCP curses and zig zags, trying to throw Zombie Marcus off...but Zombie Marcus doesn’t lose LCP’s scent and follows him into an unknown portion of the house~

Jack Puffer: I guess we’ll have to wait to figure LCP’s room out later. In the meantime...whoa! It’s Mack O’Connor! Mack!

Mack O’Connor: The fuck did I see?

Jack Puffer: Look, I know having a blind ref might not be optimal but it worked pretty well last week.

Mack O’Connor: I’m talking about the sick kid being chased by...a zombie?

Jack Puffer: Oh just two of your fellow competitors. Don’t worry…

~Mack furrows his brow~

Mack O’Connor: Wait. Did you say blind ref?

Jack Puffer: Mack, why don’t you pick a room.

Mack O’Connor: Fuckin hell. Where’s the Wine Cellar again?

Jack Puffer: No can do, it has to be a different room.

Mack O’Connor: FUCK. I don’t fuckin know, then. Pick one for me.

Jack Puffer: Try that one up there.

~Mack slaps Jack’s friendly hand away and marches up the stairs and into the Home Office~

Jack Puffer: Sleep the entire night away. For all our sakes.

~The door slams, shaking the entire house. Before Puffer can say anything a man enters the house dancing his way toward The Good Detective~

Jack Puffer: Mike! You look like you’re in a good mood!

~No reply from Zybala as he struts toward Puffer with the head phones of a Walkman around his ears~

Jack Puffer: MIKE!!!

~Puffer grabs Mike by the arms and shakes his body. Zybala opens his eyes and yells with the foam walkman headphones over his ears~

Mike Zybala: NEW SOUND SYSTEM FOR OUTSIDERS FUNDED BY A FAN WHO WAS INSPIRED BY MY PERFORMANCE LAST WEEK! CHECK IT OUT!

~Mike pulls one of the foam head phones off~

“WHEN IT’S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD”

~The music nearly blows Puffer away. He has to cover his ears~

Mike Zybala: GREAT, RIGHT? THIS SONG IS A CLASSIC!!

~Puffer points toward a nearby door~

Jack Puffer: To your room!

~Mike nods and dances toward the Wine Cellar. He opens the door and dances right on in, shutting it behind him~

Jack Puffer: Geezus. He’s gonna be deaf by the time…

~Puffer pauses as a far more imposing figure stands in front of him~

Henri Toussaint: Sak Pase

Jack Puffer: Oh Henri!

~Henri eyes him~

Jack Puffer: That was an accident, I swear. Do you have your room selected?

Henri Toussaint: Which way to the Home Theater. Gonna catch me a dreamer in there and whip they azz back to reality.

Jack Puffer: That door right up there.

~Henri nods and walks past Puffer, up the stairs and into the Home Theater~

Smith: So far three competitors all three in different rooms, Hood.

Hood: This is either gonna be a stacked night or a night of very light wrestling. Or both.

Smith: That’s why they pay you the big bucks.

three

~Puffer is about to address us when he’s interrupted. Again~

LCP: Alright, Jack!

Jack Puffer: There you are. Look, you gotta pick a room otherwise people are gonna start talking.

LCP: I hate it when people do that.

~LCP scans the area and spots the door to the Wine Cellar. He throws his head in that direction. Puffer remains stoic. LCP heads over there and he opens the door and pokes his head in~

Mike Zybala: LCP! COME ON IN AND LET ME OPEN YOUR MIND AND HEART TOWARD OUTSIDERS.

~LCP slams the door shut~

LCP: Nah. That room ain’t for me.

Jack Puffer: You need to pick a room. Now.

LCP: Relax. Zombie Marcus found a body all wrapped up in the backyard. He’s gonna be busy for awhile.

~Puffer bows his head~

Jack Puffer: Rest in peace, Rico.

~LCP scans the house again. He looks at the stairs and tries to get a read on Puffer. Nothing. The man remains stoic once again. LCP sneaks up the stairs and reaches for the door to the Home Office. He opens it and pokes his head inside~

LCP: Hey, this place looks familiar…

Mack O’Connor: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME

~LCP slams the door shut~

LCP: Okay that old bald guy is super angry.

Jack Puffer: We don’t have all night, Pinkston.

LCP: Maybe you don’t but I certainly have no trouble going all night long

~LCP says under his breath as he opens the door to the Home Theater. Puffer sighs “Finally”~

Henri Toussaint: Sak Pase

~LCP slams the door shut and laughs, leaning over the dilapidated balcony~

LCP: I just blocked his ass like those champs on twitter did. Does that mean I can be a champion?

Jack Puffer: PICK A FUCKIN ROOM!

~LCP puts his hands in the air~

LCP: Alright, fine, relax.

~He spins around and grabs the nearest door, opening it up. He pokes his head inside~

LCP: This one looks alright. It’s got a bed and everything.

~He looks down at Puffer~

LCP: Alright Jack, I’m good here.

Jack Puffer: Thanks for the memo.

LCP: Oh and you can join me, if you want.

~Jack, looking over his shoulder, turns his head around to find Vhodka Black. She stares up at LCP~

Vhodka Black: Pass.

~LCP narrows his eyes and sarcastically parrots her rejection~

LCP: Pass.

~He enters and slams the door shut~

Jack Puffer: My goodness. Finally, okay Mrs. Black do you…

~A loud crash takes place behind Jack as the part of the balcony LCP was leaning over falls, shattering atop the floor~

Jack Puffer: Sorry about that. Do you know which room you’ll be staying in this evening?

Vhodka Black: First floor sounds good this week.

~She walks past Puffer and opens the door to the Weight Room~

Jack Puffer: Didn’t see that coming. Alright that just leaves…

Duce Jones: Yea, yea I’m here.

Jack Puffer: Duce! My man! Was thinking maybe you weren’t gonna show.

Duce Jones: Fuck, man. I always show.

Jack Puffer: So...where’s it gonna be this evening?

~Duce surveys the house. 5 rooms. 5 different people. Three open options~

Smith: We’re dangerously close to having zero matches this week, Hood!

Hood: Fine with me. I can get out of here early.

~Jones hears some noises coming from the backyard~

Duce Jones: Dat zombie back there?

Jack Puffer: No comment.

Duce Jones: Fuck it. I’ll take the backyard and beat up Zybala’s champion since he wants to bury me so bad.

~Duce marches into the backyard. Puffer speaks into his walkie talkie~

Jack Puffer: Uh, guys...does that mean Duce and Zombie Marcus are official?

Smith: Jack, I’m being told it is NOT official. Zombie Marcus did not enter that area under his own free will.

Hood: He’s a zombie. Does he even have free will?

Jack Puffer: Well I’m not gonna go get him so…

Zombie Marcus: Argh...argh…

Jack Puffer: Geezus Malone!

~Puffer jumps as Zombie Marcus stumbles toward him~

Smith: Where is Duce? Did they not encounter each other.

Hood: Ah, yes, tips passing in the night.

Smith: Ships.

Hood: No, tips. When you’re double teaming a chick and your dick just barely misses touching your buddy’s. Tips passing in the night.

Smith: Shut up

~Zombie Marcus pauses. Dark blood from Rico’s body dripping from his mouth. Rico’s left hand in his arm. Marcus takes a bite out of it and stares blankly at Puffer~

Jack Puffer: Uhh...Mr. Zombie Marcus. Are you gonna pick a room?

~Zombie Marcus stares at him, spitting out a ring from Rico’s dead hand~

Smith: Ah yes, Rico’s ring of truth.

Hood: He earned it by going his entire life without telling a lie.

Smith: What a man Rico was.

Hood: All that good living led him hear. His body being consumed by a Zombie.

~Zombie Marcus smells something. He throws the rest of Rico’s hand away and begins surveying the house~

Hood: Uh oh, he picked up Vhodka’s smelly scent.

Smith: He did not!

Zombie Marcus: Argh...ARGH...argh

~He stumbles for the stairs~

Smith: Told you

Hood: Is it the stench of Mack’s formaldehyde that he has to wear for being so old?

Smith: That makes no sense outside of you trying to get a ‘Mack’s old joke’ in.

Hood: Forced humor is still humor.

~Zombie Marcus moves past The Home Office. He heads for the Guest Room~

Smith: Oh no. Not again.

Hood: Man once a Zombie picks up a desired scent they don’t let it go, do they?

~Zombie Marcus beats on the Guest Room door~

LCP: NOBODY’S HERE

~He beats on the door some more~

LCP: OCCUPIED

~Zombie Marcus shoves the door open~

LCP: OH GEEZUS, NOT YOU AGAIN!

~He shuts the door behind him and we cut to Puffer~

Jack Puffer: Alright! We’ve got one match! It’s LCP and Zombie Marcus running it back in The Guest Room! Let the Countdown Begin!!!

10:00pm

four

~Zombie Marcus stares LCP down. He lunges at him. LCP ducks and heads for the door. He tries to open it but it’s locked~

Smith: The doors are sealed, LCP!

Hood: Should’ve hung out with Mack. Mack would probably let you pin him. He wants to go back to prison.

~LCP turns around...as he does the room changes. The floor is sand. There is a tiki hut instead of a dresser. A warm, coastal breeze hits him. There are a number of room sized palm trees with some coconuts hanging from them~

Smith: This is very reminiscent of…

Hood: The Margarita Mix!

~Our view digs into the sand and to the floor. Some sand drips through the cracks and lands atop a table inside a disgusting kitchen. Amby Brooks has a bottle of water. She sits, quietly. A menacing figure approaches~

Smith: HOOD LOOK!

Hood: It’s Freddy Krueger!

Smith: No, that’s Jason Voorhees!

~Voorhees has his machete ready (that rhymes) and looks positioned to use it on Amby. The people outside scream. A few rush to get into the house, but the door is locked. The home is impregnable. Voorhees looms over Amby. She feels some sand hit her and she stands up. Voorhees swings and misses. Amby exits the kitchen on a mission. Voorhees tries one more slash but his machete gets stuck in the door as Amby shuts it behind her~

Smith: Damn, look at her go.

Hood: She has a calling.

~Amby walks past Puffer~

Jack Puffer: Do you need any assistance, Ms. Brooks?

~She ignores him and marches right up the stairs~

Jack Puffer: Guess not.

~Amby heads right for the Guest Room and opens the door. She enters and shuts it~

Jack Puffer: How is that maybe the strangest thing I’ve seen in two weeks covering this event?

~LCP turns around when Amby enters and she’s suddenly in referee styled bikini. He leans in to introduce himself but is immediately cut off by the ghost of OCP~

LCP: Dude

OCP: Focus!

~OCP gets LCP to look around the room. The beach theme. All the fun accoutrements~

OCP: Margarita Mix.

LCP: Yea, I didn’t win.

OCP: But I did. In another reality. I’m you. Listen to me and you’ll make it through tonight.

~LCP nods and faces Zombie Marcus~

Smith: LCP has some help!

Hood: Damn, LCP didn’t age well.

Smith: That’s harsh.

~A ghost embodying the spirit of Hector Malvado appears next to Zombie Marcus~

LCP: Hey, what the fuck?

Hector Malvado: De hecho, gané la mezcla de margarita.

~LCP is so confused. He looks to OCP~

OCP: He’s saying he actually won the Margarita Mix.

Hector Malvado: en esta línea de tiempo

OCP: In this timeline

LCP: Okay, hold up. Time out

~LCP does the timeout symbol with his hands. He looks into the camera~

LCP: I know he speaks spanish or whatever but for the sake of time and the viewers at home can we just magically have whatever he says come out as english?

~Sure thing, LCP~

Hector Malvado: I was actually finished.

LCP: Alright well I’m gonna fuck your dead friend up and prove the ghost with me is right.

Hector Malvado: I don’t think you will.

Zombie Marcus: Argh...ARGH

~Amby gets in between everyone and tries to blow on a ref whistle but fails pretty impressively~

Amby Brooks: Hold on! LCP you’re fighting for OCP. Zombie Marcus you’re fighting for Hector Malvado. There’s a glass Margarita mixer behind each of you. The first one to obtain their opponents glass Margarita Mixer and smash it open, spilling out the ‘essence’ of their opponent’s companion will be the winner!

~It’s a strange stip but not very complicated so they agree~

Marcus Zombie: Argh!

Amby Brooks: Wait, is there a pirate in here?

LCP: No, but I’d be willing to get my hands on your booty if you know…

~Amby spins around and goes to slap LCP. But she misses and hits OCP. He holds his face and stares at his far less successful self~

OCP: Enough with the jokes. Get serious.

~LCP nods and stares down Zombie Marcus as Hector and OCP remain behind their corporeal counterparts, standing near their glass margarita mixers. Amby calls for the bell and we hear one chime below! The match is on~

Smith: And here we go! A destroy your opponent’s ghost mentor’s essence match!

Hood: Let’s just call it a smash the urn match.

Smith: Yea, sure, that works.

~Puffer looks down at his watch, surprised at the time~

11:00pm

five

~Puffer takes a seat to relax. His phone next to him. His eyes grow heavy as the specter of Jade Spritz begins to manifest behind him. We take a detour into the Wine Cellar. Mike Zybala throws several superkicks, jamming to the new Outsiders sound system~

Smith: That’s why I get Mike a gift every Christmas. He really appreciates them.

Hood: He always asks for something called a Dragonzord and I have to tell him I don’t speak nerd so I don’t even bother.

~Zybala accidentally kicks the door to the Wine Cellar open. He removes his headphones so we can all hear the overly volumed vocal cords of Andrew WK. Zybala whistles to the song and steps inside the Cellar, looking for some wine~

Smith: All sorts of wine in there. We saw Mack enjoying a bottle one week ago.

Hood: 8 days ago. It’s friday now.

~Zybala remains inside for awhile. Almost too long~

Mike Zybala: Here we go!

~He emerges with a nicely aged bottle of Strawberry Hill Boone’s Farm. Zybala whistles to the music and happily takes a seat at the bar, twisting the plastic cap off~

Voice: I’ll take one, sir.

~Mike looks over his shoulder and sees Ed Houston!! Only it’s not OUR Ed Houston. It’s an alternative Ed Houston. An Ed Houston dressed in an astronaut’s outfit, fresh from NASA~

Mike Zybala: Ed?

Ed Houston: Yessir. Pour me a glass. Let’s talk.

~Ed sits across from a dumbfounded Mike. Houston reaches over, removes the walkman and turns it off~

Smith: Astronaut Ed Houston?

Hood: World’s are colliding, Smith! I can’t comprehend a successful Ed Houston!

~Ed produces two glasses and pours some Boone’s Farm in each one as Mike sits, remaining surprised. We promptly exit the cellar and pan across the entry way, past a sleeping Jack Puffer and into the Weight Room. Vhodka kicks around at the aged, decaying equipment~

Smith: You think Vhodka lifts?

Hood: Nah man. I know times can be tough but she definitely doesn’t drive people around for money. I’m not even sure she can drive.

Smith: LIFTS...weights!

Hood: Her arms are spaghetti noodles. Only thing she’s lifting is whatever wig she decides to put on in the morning.

~Vhodka picks up a free weight. 25 pounder and does some curls...in a very exaggerated, mock type manner. She lowers her voice~

Vhodka Black: I’m Donnie Harris. I work out. Ask me a question.

~She laughs at her own joke, tossing the weight at the wall, it goes right through it with little resistance. A few roaches scatter from the new hole. It has little impact on her~

Smith: Living in Bent Fork has its advantages.

Hood: She’s seen some shit.

~A bench press near the back of the room catches her attention. The bar is in place. Zero weights applied. She lays down on the bench and wraps her hands around the bar. Again, she starts to mock the process by taking the bar, bringing it to her chest and lifting it up in a very dramatic gesture. We float upward and away from the weight room~

Smith: Vhodka keeping herself busy for the next...oh...I don’t know, 8 hours.

Hood: Yea, if they’re by themselves how long do they have to stay there?

Smith: Until the room lets them out, I’d guess.

~We find ourselves in the Home Office where Mack O’Connor is already over the evening. Too bad it’s just getting started. He stands over an old, dusty desk and slides some loose files away. His original OCW contract becomes present...just seated, out in the open~

Mack O’Connor: Fuckin figures

Voice: I remember that day like it was yesterday.

~Mack looks up and instantly recognizes the ghost of former OCW boss, Treat Cassidy~

Mack O’Connor: Thank god. Get me the fuck out of here.

Treat Cassidy: You were one of the first calls I made when I took over OCW. Of course, took you awhile to answer. But when you showed up you became OCW Champion within weeks.

Mack O’Connor: Yes, I know my own history. Get me out of here.

Treat Cassidy: Sure thing.

~Treat touches Mack on the shoulder and the OCW Hall of Famer instantly passes out~

Smith: Uh oh!

Hood: Mack’s knees just gave out due to old age!

Smith: No they didn’t! Treat is sending him into a dream like state just as we saw a week ago with Welsh, Dean, and Cheasy M handling Allton, Zombie Marcus, and LCP!

Hood: 8 days ago.

Smith: OMG

~With Mack passed out we exit the room and move on past the occupied Guest Room all the way over to the Home Theater where, inside, Henri Toussaint looks at the time on his phone~

Henri Toussaint: Weak azz bitches

~It’s pretty obvious at this point he’s not going to have any competition. There are several built in chairs but only one a civilized person would sit in...yes, even a man from Haiti. Henri stands over the chair and kicks at it making sure there aren’t any rats hiding to bite him in the ass~

Smith: Henri might as well get comfortable.

Hood: Shouldn’t be hard...I don’t think that guy has ever felt uncomfortable in his life.

~Henri takes a seat. A bunch of dust and dead bug bodies fly in the air. He coughs, waving his hand around. His eyes turn to the big screen built into the wall. It hasn’t been turned on in years. He seeks a remote but there are none to be found...this feels like a lost cause...until the screen begins to flicker. Henri’s eyes narrow as he leans forward~

Smith: I guess there’s some magic left in that screen after all!

Hood: Dark magic, maybe.

~The screen displays a graphic. “A short Biography on Tommy Flamer. Narrated by TLS.” Henri leans back thinking this shit should be good. We pull back and away from the Home Theater and head back toward the Guest Room~

Smith: I don’t know why the TV wants to show Henri Toussaint a bio on Tommy Flamer but…

Hood: I’m not arguing. That guy had the most hilarious career in OCW history.

~Inside the Guest Room, LCP sizes Zombie Marcus up. Zombie Marcus stares at LCP, a mixture of blood and saliva drooling from his mouth. OCP urges LCP to make a move but LCP doesn’t want to get bit. Hector appears confident. Amby stares around the room, trying to figure out what’s going on~

Smith: We’ve got ourselves a standoff!

Hood: More like a staredown. I wouldn’t want to engage in a staring contest with a zombie.

Smith: I can’t argue that!

~LCP reaches down and grabs some sand...he slings it into Zombie Marcus’ eyes! Marcus gurgles out in annoyance as LCP jumps up but doesn’t get much height due to the sand. He throws a dropkick but only hits Marcus in the knees! It’s ugly but effective, forcing Zombie Marcus to his knees~

Smith: Ugly but effective!

Hood: Just like playing with yourself.

~LCP’s eyes light up! Window of opportunity! He rushes forward with a modified variation of the Chronic Kick!!! But Marcus catches his leg! Marcus leans in to bite it! LCP yells out in horror throwing his free leg into Marcus’s face! The impact sends Marcus onto his back, in the sand. LCP crawls through the sand back toward the legs of OCP. OCP urges him to stay after it but LCP is shaken...too shaken to stay focused at the moment~

Smith: LCP almost became a zombie.

Hood: That would grant him immortality, right?

Smith: I’m not really sure how that works.

Hood: Yea, nobody is.

~Hector drops to one knee, urging Marcus to get up, sensing terror in LCP. As he does, we fly through the window and down into the yard where Duce walks by the half eaten corpse of Rico Dominguez. He shakes his head, “Classic OCW, baby.” His eyes catch sight of the opened grave Zybala and Grenier dug one week ago~

Smith: Duce Jones one week late to his surprise party.

Hood: Kinda macabre observation there, pal. You want Duce to be buried alive?

Smith: Of course not!

Hood: I’ve got my eye on you.

~Duce grabs a shovel. The moonlight catches something shiny. He looks down and sees the OCW Title giving off an ethereal glow. Stepping over, he bends his knees and gets a closer look. It reads ‘Mike Zybala’. Duce scoffs, picks up the title and throws it into the grave. He rips a chunk of dirt away from the clutches of Earth and tosses it on the title. He does this again and again~

Smith: Duce isn’t having any ‘Mike Zybala OCW Champion’ talk.

Hood: Can you blame him? Those words should never, ever go together.

Smith: He’s looking to bury Zybala’s title chances alive!

~Duce takes out another chunk of Earth. This time he pauses...the title remains visible and glowing. He peers inside and sees the name changed to ‘Duce Jones’. Duce smiles and tosses the shovel aside~

Smith: Don’t do it, Duce.

Hood: Don’t go in that hole, man!

Smith: Hear that advice a lot?

Hood: Only when your mom texts me.

~Duce hops into the grave. Puffer’s phone alarm goes off inside the house as our view spins around and flies back into the house beyond the door with Jason’s machete stuck in it. It gets pulled out and the door opens revealing the masked killer behind it. We continue flying forward until we look down at Puffer’s phone~

MIDNIGHT

six

Smith: We’ve reached the peak of evening as we make our way into the morning hours.

Hood: And, luckily nobody has died.

Smith: Fingers crossed.

~Puffer is passed out with Jade Spritz lingering over him. The hulking image of Jason Voorhees lurks behind. We turn and head back into the Wine Cellar where Mike Zybala is sipping on a glass of Boone’s Farm listening to Ed Houston~

Ed Houston: Meteor 2 was an idea I pitched when I was 17 and busy sorting through academic scholarships to every Ivy League school.

Mike Zybala: So did it get made?

Ed Houston: I found it too pedestrian.

~Zybala looks confused~

Ed Houston: Common. Too simple a theme.

Mike Zybala: Yea, I know what it means but...man, that’s like my all time favorite movie.

~Ed laughs and pours himself another glass of Boone’s Farm. He raises a glass~

Ed Houston: I believe you. Nah, while I was in the NASA program I rewrote Shakespeare and replaced all his texts with superior versions.

Mike Zybala: Wow...well I got some exciting news. I secured a sponsor for tonight’s show!

Ed Houston: Oh? Do tell!

~We cut to a dark and sweaty gym. Dreams have died here. Only the strong survive. The sounds of a fighter to be feared hitting a heavy bag are heard. We see the silhouette of a woman in peak physical conditions slugging and kicking the bag like it owes her money~

“She’s just about ready”

~We cut to beautiful estate on perfectly manicured grounds. A woman appears in the distance, walking our way with confidence and esteem~

“To come...to OCW”

~She reaches a pool and removes a very expensive robe to reveal the perfect female body. She dives into the pool and slowly emerges, staring into the camera~

“MARIAH is coming...SOON!!”

~We cut back to Mike and Ed in the Wine Cellar~

Mike Zybala: Eh?

Ed Houston: I got news for ya, Mike. She ain’t ever coming.

~Zybala stares at Ed, taking a long sip of his Strawberry Hill. Ed looks back, silently. Suddenly a noise sounds out in the darkness~

“Che-che-che-ah-ah-ah”

Mike Zybala: You think you could help me with Outsiders…

Ed Houston: Shhh. Did you hear that?

“Che-che-che-ah-ah-ah”

Mike Zybala: I heard that.

Ed Houston: Quick, what day is it?

Mike Zybala: Cursed Countdown Episode 2 Day.

Ed Houston: NO! What date?

Mike Zybala: Oh, Friday the 13th.

“Che-Che-Che-ah-ah-ah”

Ed Houston: Grab something. Now.

~Mike and Ed brace themselves as we exit the Wine Cellar and head back over to the Weight Room. The fans outside boo~

Smith: I think these fans feel like we’re trolling them.

Hood: Look man we only got one match. We gotta make this shit half way interesting if we’re gonna make it through the night.

~Vhodka brings the bar back to her chest. The joke seems to be running its course. She’s ready to put the bar up and figure out what the hell else to do next. As she does, though, the bar won’t move. Her arms shake. They struggle. Her face contorts. Her eyes look up and a triangle rests on the bar. It isn’t large but it seems impossibly heavy~

Smith: What’s going on?

Hood: The weight of that triangle seems too much for her. She can’t lift that bar!

Smith: That’s not a spot you want to be in…

~As Vhodka continues to struggle we float on up into the Home Office where Mack remains asleep~

Smith: Ah yes, we get to watch Mack sleep.

Hood: Not creepy at all.

IF ONLY

~Our view fades into Mack’s dreams. He’s standing on a beach wearing a Tommy Bahamas shirt and cargo shorts. He looks himself up and down and glares at Treat Cassidy who stands next to him~

Mack O’Connor: What. The. Fuck.

Treat Cassidy: Stop being such a baby and listen to me.

~Mack can hear someone monologuing nearby. He starts to turn around~

Treat Cassidy: Now, Mack don’t jump to conclusions.

~Mack sees a female dressed in purple strolling along the beach talking to herself. Slowly he turns around, his jaw clenched~

Treat Cassidy: Before you freak out...I want you to consider the fact that you can make the most out of whatever situation you’re in.

~Mack steps toward Treat~

Treat Cassidy: You can either bitch and moan. Or...you can change the narrative to your liking.

Mack O’Connor: The fuck does that even mean?

~Treat looks around, taking in the sea breeze. He closes his eyes then looks down and an ice cold Sea Breeze is in his grasp. He takes a sip and looks back at Mack~

Treat Cassidy: The world is your oyster

~Mack rolls his eyes at the lame platitude~

Treat Cassidy: You can either make the best of it...or, you can be miserable during your stay. Choice is yours.

~Treat vanishes before Mack can grab him. Mack falls into the sand and gets to his knees, frustrated. The monologuing of the Purple Woman gets closer and closer...he sighs, staring down into the sand as we fade back into reality where Mack grabs a rat crossing by his unconscious body. He crushes it to death in his hand~

ONLY IF

Smith: Whoa, Mack looks pissed!

Hood: More so than normal!

~We promptly leave the vermin violence and pass by the Guest Room and into the Home Theater where Henri Toussaint is shaking his head, laughing at Tommy Flamer lighting himself on fire before performing a Swanton Bomb on his opponent~

NarratorLS: Tommy Flamer flamed his way into hearts all over the world.

~Henri looks around like ‘wtf’. He knew there’d be a narrator but the voice sounds like it’s in the room~

NarratorLS: A brash youngster with the talent to go all the way. Just like a certain Haitian watching this broadcast right now.

~So much for mystery. Henri leans forward like ‘okay, wtf’.~

NarratorLS: OCW was ready to go all in on Tommy Flamer until…

~The face of TLS glitches onscreen for a moment~

NarratorLS: He flamed a little too hard.

~Henri stands up and throws a piece of rock at the screen. It does nothing to stop the broadcast. We exit the Home Theater and head back to the Guest Room~

Smith: We all remember Tommy Flamer.

Hood: I know I’m gonna get hated on for this but I thought he was gonna be OCW Champion one day.

Smith: We all did.

~Inside the Guest Room, OCP urges LCP up. LCP sees the glass margarita mixer full of whatever comprises a ghost’s essence in this world. He snags it and turns around to throw it at Marcus but OCP stops him. He points at his head, “THINK!” LCP hands it back over. Marcus sits up, shaking the sand off his face...his eyes lock on LCP and he rises~

Smith: Almost a game ending mistake there from LCP.

Hood: Dude lives IN THE MOMENT and by IN THE MOMENT I mean that exact split second that comprises a moment.

~Marcus gets to his feet and lunges at LCP! LCP ducks his grasp and reaches forward, trying to grab the jar containing Hector’s essence. He’s got his hands on it as Hector yells at Zombie Marcus. LCP hoists it up to smash it...but he gets his hair pulled back. Marcus leans in, mouth close to LCP’s neck~

Smith: He’s going to bite him!

Hood: Are zombies also vampires?

Smith: I mean...they could be? Like maybe the less intelligent cousins.

~LCP throws a mule kick into Zombie Marcus’ undead nuts. He stumbles. LCP raises the margarita mix glass up and throws it down!!!! He throws his arms in the air!~

LCP: Woo!! Take that! We did it!

~OCP folds his arms and shakes his head. LCP looks at Amby. She shakes her head. LCP looks down...the jar is resting safely atop the sand~

LCP: Shit.

~LCP reaches for the jar but Zombie Marcus grabs him by the midsection. LCP tries to jump out of his grip...Zombie Marcus uses the momentum of LCP and he falls back, throwing him over with a Release German Suplex!!! LCP lands hard in the sand and tumbles around as Zombie Marcus reaches for the glass jar, handing it to Hector who places it back onto the Tiki Hut near him for safety. As he does, we focus on the window...we travel through it and to the backyard~

Smith: Zombie Marcus with the...RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX?

Hood: Going back to his German roots.

Smith: I don’t think he has any German roots.

~Duce drops down in the grave. He snags the OCW Title...or tries to...it sinks into the ground. He digs and digs, trying to bring it back to the surface but it’s gone. A dangerous familiar TRANSATLANTIC ACCENT enters the grave~

“Shall I pin you again, Duce?”

~A huge pile of dirt lands on Duce, knocking him face first in the grave. He rolls over, pulling dirt and soil from his face~

Duce Jones: Bifford? Da fuck?!

~More dirt flies on top of Duce~

“Take that, Duce! That’s what facing a real OCW Champion feels like!”

~Duce struggles against the dirt that’s being thrown on top of him as we head back into the house with Puffer’s phone going off~

Smith: Duce is being buried alive by...the spirit of Bifford?

Hood: Sounds like him. We all know how Bifford likes to bully and bury people. Duce was one of his favorite targets.

Smith: So frustrating as a fan, that’s for sure.

Hood: He never got buried as deep as Dangerous Dan, though.

Smith: Dan’s beyond the Mariana Trench.

~Puffer remains asleep with Jade Spritz sitting on his lap, rubbing the back of his head. We read the screen on his phone~

1:00am

seven

Smith: We’re into the morning hours now!

Hood: People are in rough shape, man. I think the two who are in the safest rooms are, ironically, the two fighting each other.

Smith: These rooms seem to be taking on a mind of their own...as though, tonight, they are the opponents!

Hood: Subtlety has always been OCW’s strong suit.

~We swing back into the Wine Cellar where Mike Zybala and successful Ed Houston are ready for anything. The fans outside pick up their level of interest. A ‘Jason!’ chant breaks out~

“Che-Che-Che-Ah-Ah-Ah”

Ed Houston: Come on out!

~A figure emerges from the dark and it’s...it’s...~

Mike Zybala: That’s not Jason! That’s Tony the Spider!

Tony the Spider: Heh-heh-heh-ha-ha-ha

Ed Houston: Unreal.

Mike Zybala: Come and sit with us, Tony. Have a drink.

~The fans outside exhale~

Smith: Of course it’s Tony!

Hood: What’s with his laugh? He got COVID or something?

~Tony takes a sip and laughs. Mike looks over at Ed who is not pleased~

Mike Zybala: Ed? What? It’s Tony! Our good friend!

Ed Houston: I’ll tell you what, Mike. When are you gonna stop wasting your potential with these losers!

~Mike rears back, shocked. Tony lets out a confused chuckle~

Ed Houston: The Ed you know? NASA flunkie. Hung out with a bunch of weird characters that held him back. Me? The best version of Ed? I associate with winners. I believe in myself.

Mike Zybala: I think you’re being a little harsh. The Ed I know made Meteor 2.

Ed Houston: METEOR 2 SUCKS, MIKE!

~Mike gasps. Tony drops his drink. We promptly exit the Wine Cellar and make our way back into the Weight Room~

Smith: Ed Houston is breaking Mike Zybala’s heart!

Hood: He ain’t lying, though. Zybala needs to drop these losers if he’s going to achieve his potential.

Smith: And why is that? Why can’t he be who he is and enjoy being that?

Hood: You watch outsiders, don’t you?

Smith: Lay off me

~Vhodka remains struggling to move the bar. It’s pressed against her chest. The weight of the world pushing down on her. Out of the tiny triangle we see projections...projections of Vhodka helping Meyhu and PIC to stop Bifford inside the Illuminatus only to be betrayed by Meyhu. Meyhu walking out OCW Champion~

Smith: I remember that. A horrible thing for Meyhu to do.

Hood: Hey, that’s OCW baby.

~Vhodka struggles against the bar as Meyhu’s image steps out of the projection standing at the foot end of the bench station, arms folded, staring down at her with more than a hint of hubris dripping off him. The muscles in her arms tense as she pushes and pushes but the bar won’t move~

Smith: The arrogance of lime fills that room. An arrogance she never got the opportunity to payback.

Hood: There’s a reason Meyhu is the face that runs this place and everyone else is just, well, hanging out at second base.

~As Vhodka struggles we float up back into the Home Office where Mack’s fist slowly beats the carcass of the dead rat into the already beaten floor. We fade back into Mack’s dream~

IF ONLY

~Mack remains on the beach, kneeling. The monologuing gets closer and closer~

Lady in Purple: I love him with all my heart. If only my parents felt the same. If they were still around. My heart aches for him and for…

Mack O’Connor: FUCK

~Mack stands and turns, facing the purple woman. His eyes lock onto her. She’s near the surf. Waves crash against her feet as she walks. Suddenly, a dark, dark wave rises behind her. She’s unaware, too busy monologuing about her not so complicated life that she makes way too complicated. It rises and rises. Mack watches...then, from the wave emerges an Orca! It breaches and snatches the purple woman in it’s mouth. It thrashes and thrashes and thrashers her body around before taking her back into the ocean where she will never be seen or heard from again. Mack’s expression is surprise...immediately followed by intrigue...capped off by satisfaction~

Mack O’Connor: I could get used to this.

ONLY IF

~Mack remains down but this time he’s smiling~

Smith: Is he smiling?

Hood: I do not like smiling Mack.

~The image is too unsettling. We rush away, past the Guest Room and into the Home Theater. The Tommy Flamer documentary continues. It shows Flamer making enemies with everyone. Every single person on the roster. His potential wasting and him being run out of the fed a number of times~

NarratorLS: Flamer prided himself on not giving a fuck what others thought. Look at him now. A total disaster. He could’ve been OCW Champion but, instead, he became an OCW punchline.

~Henri reaches for the screen but the chair’s arms extend, pulling him back into his seat and confining him there~

Smith: Okay that is not as friendly a chair as I thought.

Hood: At least it’d give you an excuse to not get up and empty the dish washer.

~An image of Mario Maurako airs on the screen~

NarratorLS: Relax, Henri. There’s more.

~We leave the Home Theater with Henri struggling and a story about Maurako unfolding. We find our way back into the Guest Room. LCP is face down in the sand, moaning. Zombie Marcus gets to his feet, staggering around~

Smith: LCP is in trouble.

Hood: Yea it’s gotta be hard to breathe through that sand.

Smith: That and a Zombie is on the loose

~LCP picks his head up out of the sand. His mouth is stuffed. He spits it out and makes that face you’ve probably made if you’ve ever received a mouthful of sand. Zombie Marcus grabs him by the hair. LCP’s eyes widen...he’s in trouble. He flails around. His legs hit one of the room sized palm trees and a coconut lands next to him. He snatches it, pops to his feet and smashes Zombie Marcus in the face with it!! Zombie Marcus staggers. LCP looks at OCP with pride...he turns back toward Zombie Marcus who is now missing his jaw, staring back at LCP. LCP throws the coconut at him and dives behind the Tiki Hut. Zombie Marcus snags his loose jaw and crams it back into place~

Smith: Some quick zombie dental work there.

Hood: Ya know...when this is over LCP is going to have an experience very few wrestlers have.

Smith: Wrestling a zombie?

Hood: Yep. Only other active zombie in this game I can think of is Chris Page.

~Zombie Marcus sniffs...he catches LCP’s scent and staggers toward the Tiki Hut. As he gets near it, LCP kicks it over and on top of Zombie Marcus!! LCP stands and jumps on top of the hut with both feet...stomp, stomp, stomp...he stomps the hut on top of Zombie Marcus~

Smith: LCP becoming a master of his surroundings.

Hood: Yea, I think he could play batman.

Smith: I think not!

~LCP looks down and sees Zombie Marcus’ arm sticking out from under the Tiki Hut. He stomps and stomps, trying to break the arm...instead it severs, completely...from the shoulder down. LCP hops away, backing up against OCP~

Smith: And Marcus just lost an arm.

Hood: LCP acts like he’s never ripped an arm off before.

Smith: I’d like to think that’s a first for him, yes.

~OCP urges LCP to refocus...as he does we float out of the window and down into the backyard. The grave is nearly half full with Duce’s hands barely sticking out. They dig and claw trying to get free~

Smith: Duce is in bad shape. The dirt keeps filling in!

Hood: He’s getting buried so hard...it’s like it's 2019 all over again!

Smith: RUDE!

“Stay down, Duce! You know you don’t belong up here.”

~The dirt continues to fill as we leave the backyard and cruise back into the main entry with Puffer’s phone going off. The ghost of Jade Spritz has her hand on his leg as we look at his phone screen~

2:00am

eight

Smith: Oh my. Puffer is popular with the ghost ladies.

Hood: It’s just one and it’s Jade. She wasn’t exactly hard to catch if you know what I mean.

Smith: We’ve reached two o’clock in the morning and every competitor seems to be in trouble. Will these rooms allow them to walk out?

Hood: I wouldn’t. Swallow them whole and stay alive, cursed abode!

~Our view heads back into the Wine Cellar where Zybala remains shocked at the mean spirited words Ed Houston is throwing his way~

Ed Houston: Do you want the OCW Title, Mike?

Mike Zybala: I do.

Ed Houston: Great. Then ditch the losers. Ditch outsiders.

Mike Zybala: But they’re my friends. It’s my passion. It’s my baby.

~Houston slams his fist into the bar~

Ed Houston: You’re not listening! Ditch the excess baggage and you will become champion. Continue to associate yourself with people like...that…

~Houston points at Tony. Tony lowers his head and lets out a dejected laugh~

Ed Houston: And you’ll remain the mockery of pro wrestling. Are you tired of being mocked?

Mike Zybala: Yes.

Ed Houston: ARE YOU?

Mike Zybala: YES

~We exit the Wine Cellar and cruise across the main entry of the house back into the Weight Room. Vhodka struggles with the bar. Meyhu continues to watch. Another vision plays. It’s Dadbod earning a victory over her on the opening Night of the Strength Trials. Right on the heels of some Triumvirate Trickery that got the wrestling world in an uproar...all eyes on Vhodka in the main event~

Smith: A tough defeat.

Hood: There was a lot of pressure going into that night.

~The weight of the bar gets heavier as the image of Scott Syren manifests next to Meyhu. He rewatches the footage~

Scott Syren: This the one I’ve heard so much about?

~He points at Vhodka~

Scott Syren: She lost to THAT guy? Get the fuck out of here. She don’t belong in OCW, man.

~Meyhu nods as Vhodka continues struggling with the bar. It’s weight growing heavier and heavier as she fights to keep it from crushing her. We float back upward into the Home Office. Mack smile flattens as his brow furrows~

IF ONLY

~Mack finds himself standing in a public park, middle of the afternoon. People are out walking their dogs. Taking romantic walks. Eating lunch. It’s humanity at it’s most organic. At it’s finest. But there is one couple that catches Mack’s eye~

Mack O’Connor: Oh my fuck.

~A big picnic spread in the middle of a lush green field. Alice Knight in one of her coquettish dresses sits to her side, leaning forward, listening intently to what CJ O’Donnell has to say. Mack’s fists clinch~

Jogger: You okay, man?

~CJ continues talking. Alice laughs and blushes~

Mack O’Connor: I hate this so much.

ONLY IF

~Mack’s pissed off expression returns as he slams his heel against the floor. We exit the Home Office and head back to the Theater~

Smith: Another bad dream for Mack, it appears.

Hood: That or his hip is acting up.

~Henri is forced to watch clips of Mario Maurako turning on his best friends. Turning on his ‘family’. Turning on everyone close to him to get what he desired most in OCW...the OCW Title~

NarratorLS: Familiar?

~Henri spits on the floor~

NarratorLS: Mario Maurako did what he thought was necessary. He turned on EVERYONE. He had no real friends. Where did it get him? Did he ever win the one thing he wanted most in OCW? Nope. The man didn’t have what it took to get there. Just like you, Henri.

~Henri curses at the Narrator, struggling to get out of his chair~

NarratorLS: You’re a total disaster as a friend. Your family was a total disaster. You don’t know what it means to be loyal. You just run your mouth thinking it’ll get you where you wanna go. But it won’t.

~As Henri continues to struggle we see the footage flip to clips of Sahara. We exit the room and head back into the Guest Room where LCP stares in shock at the severed arm~

Smith: Henri getting a tough history lesson.

Hood: I mean a person needs friends or at the very least, allies.

Smith: Indeed

~OCP motions for LCP to get the mix jar. He steps forward and does his best to stay away from the arm as it still moves. He grabs the jar that’s laying in the sand. He looks for a place to smash it. The wall seems hard enough~

Smith: If he can bust that jar open it’s over.

Hood: Start making dreams a reality!

Smith: Fulfilling the prophecy of OCP

~LCP reaches to slam it into the wall...but he comes up short. He tries again...and again...and again but he can’t reach the wall. He looks down and sees the hand of Zombie Marcus’ severed arm gripping his ankle. He yells out...frustrated and a little freaked. That arm is strong. LCP tries to kick at it with his free leg but the zombie arm sweeps the leg and LCP lands hard on the same, dropping the jar. It rolls away up against the wall~

Smith: A detached arm is stopping LCP!

Hood: Damn who knew Marcus had such strong forearms.

Smith: Must eat a lot of spinach.

Hood: Or jerk off a bunch

~The zombie arm starts to crawl up LCP’s body. He raises his head and stares down his chest at it...his eyes are kinda crossed. They widen and he takes both arms and fights with the zombie arm, trying to keep it from his neck and face. The zombie arm fights back~

Smith: Two human arms versus one detached zombie arm!

Hood: I’m going with the undead arm.

Smith: I’d be hardpressed to disagree.

~As the arms wage war we zoom out the window and back down into the backyard~

Smith: Oh no. That grave is completely full.

Hood: RIP Duce

Smith: Bifford or his spirit finally buried him for good.

~Our view travels underground, staring at the dirt. A good six feet of it until we get to Duce’s body. His hands try to dig but they move slower and slower. He’s running out of oxygen. The earth shakes~

“Another Biff End for Duce!”

~Duce feels the dirt getting heavier. He tries to push against it but it all seems like a lost cause~

Smith: C’mon, Duce! Fight!

Hood: Zybala is gonna be disappointed he didn’t get to bury Duce.

~We head back inside the house as Puffer’s ring goes off. The spirit of Jade Spriz is on her knees in front of Jack, laying her head in his lap. We hurry to look at the front of Puffer’s cell phone~

3:00am

nine

Smith: It’s three o’clock! Only four hours remain!

Hood: I don’t think some of these competitors have four hours, bud.

Smith: They need to fight. They need to conquer whatever is fighting them in these rooms if they want to keep their sanity and their wits about them. You can’t let the curse win!

~We zip on back into the Wine Cellar. Zybala is on his feet now, staring at the ground. Ed continues to lecture~

Ed Houston: Stop being a loser, Mike. It’s time you learn to be a champion.

~Mike struggles. The words don’t sting like they should. Houston steps around the bar and puts his arm around Mike~

Ed Houston: Don’t be a flunky like I was. Become a man people look up to. One they respect. Ditch the freeloaders and start earning for #1.

~He pats Mike on the chest~

Ed Houston: Start earning for you.

~Mike looks up at Ed and nods. Ed turns him toward Tony, who looks back at him with sad eyes~

Ed Houston: Kick his head off, Mike. Superkick him into the afterlife.

Mike Zybala: What?

Ed Houston: Do it. You need that edge, Mike. You need to let everyone know you’re for real. Put Tony out of his fuckin misery.

~Tony laughs, nervously. His tiny, soft body braces for impact as Mike slowly turns his side to Tony, coiling up his leg. We leave the Wine Cellar~

Smith: Don’t do it, Mike! Don’t succumb!

Hood: Let it rip, Mike! We don’t need, Tony! We got the blind chick!

~Back into the Weight Room we go. Vhodka’s arms are growing weary. The unrelenting weight of the bar taking all the fight she has in her away. More images are shown...this time of Bent Fork. Her family. Her friends. Sadness forms in her eyes~

Smith: That woman has been through a lot, Hood. To me that makes her more than tough enough.

Hood: I mean there’s different kinds of tough. Not all experience is good experience.

~Annie Alvarez forms near the visuals and she looks down at Vhodka~

Annie Alvarez: This her? She thinks she’s just gonna come into OCW and win the title? Give me a fuckin break.

~Vhodka fires up, trying to get the bar off her chest. But the weight remains too much~

Annie Alvarez: Fuckin weak. A little emotional cause you have no friends? No family here to help you? Boo fuckin hoo. Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back.

~Vhodka yells out, trying to get the weight of the bar off her chest but it won’t budge. Meyhu, Annie, and Syren all look on, sharing in the same judgment. Ordering her to get out of their home. We head on back upstairs into the Home Office~

Smith: Not very welcoming but when have the originals been welcoming to outside talent?

Hood: You gotta be tough if you wanna survive in OCW. From the management all the way to the enhancement talent...you will get mentally tested.

~Mack continues to look frustrated while asleep on the floor~

IF ONLY

~Mack glares at the scene. His memory stronger than it should be for a man with his alcoholic tendencies. He turns to the jogger~

Mack O’Connor: Okay, check this shit out.

Jogger: Is she gonna kiss him?

~Mack rolls his eyes. CJ immediately stands up and reaches for the buttons on his flannel shirt. In a dramatic gesture of love he rips his shirt off and throws his head back, eyes shut~

Mack O’Connor: Heh

~CJ doesn’t hear Alice fawning all over him. He doesn’t feel her hugging him. But he does hear a few giggles. He looks down and sees he’s got another shirt on underneath the one he ripped off. So, he rips that one off. And there’s another shirt under it. He rips that one off. Another shirt under that one. People watching go from giggling to laughing~

Mack O’Connor: Nice.

~CJ yells out “WHAT THE FOOK!” Shirt after shirt after shirt. He can’t get bare chested. Finally, Alice grabs the schnapps out of the picnic basket and leaves CJ. He yells out for her but it’s too late. He rips at a few more shirts but remains fully clothed. He falls to his knees in embarrassment and exhaustion~

Jogger: You don’t see that everyday.

~The jogger runs off. Mack smiles~

ONLY IF

~Mack’s smile returns along with a few body shaking chuckles~

Smith: And now he’s back to happy Mack.

Hood: Smiling AND laughing. I hate it.

~We exit the Home Office and head back to the theater where Henri has just finished watching footage on Sahara~

NarratorLS: See? She had the talent to win the OCW Title. But she couldn’t remain loyal to anyone. Not her husband. Hell, she killed a family member. Self destructed. Just a total fuckin disaster.

~Henri glares up at the screen as the face of TLS reappears~

NarratorLS: You’re gonna self destruct, Henri. You don’t have it in you. You disguise weakness with bravado just like everyone else. You’re too much of a rat. Nobody will have you.

~Henri nods. He thinks...his eyes glare back up at TLS. Henri suddenly rips out of the chair and he walks up to the screen. He reaches inside the screen and yanks the image of TLS out. He holds it by the throat, staring into his eyes. Henri beats his chest~

Henri Toussaint: All I need, bitch.

~He throws TLS to the ground and opens the Home Theater door, exiting~

NarratorLS: Nice. Also, tell Zybala to return my mask!

~Henri is gone and the image of TLS fades away. As it does, we leave the Home Theater watching Henri march down the steps and lean against the front door, folding his arms. We head back into the Guest Room~

Smith: Henri Toussaint wasn’t having it! He’s not gonna sit there and be told who and what he is...he’s got all he needs inside!

Hood: Kid is tough. I’m not here to doubt him. It’s easy to draw parallels to other failures thanks to his antics but that doesn’t mean they’re accurate. He’ll show us if he’s got what it takes.

Smith: Indeed.

~LCP is on the ground fighting the hand off. But it isn’t working...the Zombie arm slaps LCP across the face and grips him around the throat! LCP chokes. He pulls down at the Zombie arm with both his hands. OCP looks on with great angst~

Smith: If he loses to one arm that’s going to be tough.

Hood: Look I’m sure one zombie arm is like one and a half Bifford arms.

Smith: Regardless the visual would be all over twitter, mocking him.

Hood: Hey you’ve got your image on twitter as your profile pick which is a pretty ridiculous visual and nobody is giving you shit.

Smith: I hate you

~LCP grabs at the hand and he twists on the thumb. He tries to snap some of the fingers. They snap but it doesn’t do much to stop the hand’s aggression. LCP takes his knuckle and he slams it into the funny bone of the detached arm! Zombie Marcus’ grip weakens and LCP rips the hand from his throat, tossing the arm into the sand. It tumbles a bit before raising up like a cobra and giving LCP the middle finger~

LCP: Oh you mother fucker

~LCP struggles to his feet...but, as he does, the rest of Zombie Marcus bursts through the Tiki Hut and lunges at him, taking him back into the sand. LCP tries to fight the full bodied Zombie off him. Marcus’ teeth chomp and chomp, trying to get themselves onto some flesh~

Smith: LCP pissed Zombie Marcus off.

Hood: Nobody likes to get hit in the funny bone, man. Second most unfunny joke behind anything Cheasy M says.

~LCP leans in and headbutts Zombie Marcus. He does it again and again and again...some life seems to flash in Zombie Marcus’ eyes. His strength dissipates. LCP throws Zombie Marcus off him and crawls for the jar. He looks over and sees Zombie Marcus sitting up, holding his head. He turns to LCP and points at him, recognizing the face. LCP responds confused~

Smith: What happened to Zombie Marcus?

Hood: I think those headbutts jarred what remains of the old Marcus loose!

Smith: You mean Marcus Ka’Derrion?

Hood: I sure as shit ain’t talking about Welsh.

~We head out the window once again and down into the backyard where the grave remains full. We slide back into the earth to find Duce laying at the bottom. The ground shakes~

“Another Biff End for Duce!!”

~Duce’s eyes are shut. If someone told you he was dead you wouldn’t have much evidence to argue against it. A voice calls out~

“Don’t give up, bro. That’s what it wants.”

~Duce’s eyes open. The ground shakes again~

“You thought you could be OCW Champion? Haha!”

Duce Jones: Fuck this.

~Duce reaches up and digs into the dirt with his hands. Renewed life coursing through his veins. The fans outside go wild as we head back inside when Puffer’s phone goes off. Henri remains by the front door, eyeing Jade like ‘wtf’. We get a look at Puffer’s screen~

4:00am

ten

Smith: It’s 4am...we’re getting late into the stay and only one person has escaped their room!

Hood: Duce has to get out of a hole first.

Smith: Meanwhile we’ve got a machete wielding lunatic running around.

~We head back into the Wine Cellar. Zybala stares at Tony with building regret in his eyes. Tony lowers his head~

Smith: Oh no...don’t do it, Mike!

Ed Houston: It’s time to become a champion, Mike.

~Mike nods...he turns around and he superkicks Ed Houston through the air and into the wall!!! The fans outside go wild! “ZYBALA! ZYBALA! ZYBALA!” Ed Houston groans, unable to get up. He stares at Mike before slowly vanishing away~

Smith: There you go, Mike! Stay true to who you are!

Hood: HE WILL NEVER LEARN

~Mike turns to Tony. Tony looks up and Mike gives him a big hug. A well dressed, rich looking Zybala appears from inside the cellar~

Rich Zybala: You did good, Mike. Don’t listen to what they say. You stay true to who you are and one day everything you want will be yours. Trust me.

~Mike looks over at his ‘rich’ self. And nods. His rich self vanishes and the door to the Wine Cellar opens. Mike exits with his arm around Tony the Spider. We follow as they enter into the main room...we float over their heads and back into the Weight Room~

Smith: Nobody truer than Mike Zybala...that man is all heart.

Hood: Heart ain’t gonna break this curse, I hate to tell you.

Smith: Heart and a superkick, then!

Hood: Ugh, so fuckin lame.

~Vhodka looks on, the bar continuing to crush her. A final image is shown. She’s being defeated inside the Illuminatus once again...this time for the TRIAD. She’s barely pushing against the bar now. The image of Lurrr manifests among the other three. He watches her most recent defeat and laughs~

Lurrr: You fuckin serious right now? She lost to a kid? A fuckin kid?

~The other three nod. Lurrr looks down at Vhodka~

Lurrr: Are you fuckin good at anything? Holy fuckin shit.

~The want is there but the body is growing weary. Vhodka’s arms tremble more than shake. The bar finds its way near her neck, close to choking her out. We float back up to the Home Office~

Smith: Fight back, Vhodka!

Hood: That’s a lot of weight they threw on her, man. At some point the spirit breaks.

Smith: She has to know she’s not alone. Even if it may feel that way.

~Mack remains smiling, asleep~

IF ONLY

~He opens his eyes and finds himself outside a hotel door. He looks down the left hall...nothing. He looks down the right hall...nothing. It’s nice but nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing that would really make it stand out~

Mack O’Connor: The fuck does this place feel so familiar?

~He looks at the hotel door in front of him. The number on it. Its both random and familiar. Mack furrows his brow, staring at the carpet~

Mack O’Connor: The fuck.

~He then hears some slight moaning coming from within the room. Mack’s eyes widen~

Mack O’Connor: Are you fucking serious?!

ONLY IF

~Mack O’Connor, fast asleep, starts to jolt and shake on the floor like he’s either a really bad sleep dancer or his body might be trying to fight something despite its conscious restrictions~

Smith: Okay that looks like a terrible dream he’s having.

Hood: Yea, I’d like to never have a dream that bad. Please.

~We exit the Home office and head back into the Guest Room. LCP gets to his feet, begging Marcus off. But Marcus shoots to his feet and reaches out, snagging LCP. He throws LCP into the sand with an arm drag! LCP struggles up...Marcus throws him back into the sand with another arm drag!! LCP hits hard! LCP staggers to his feet and Marcus scoops him up with one arm and slams him into the sand with a scoop slam!! Huge impact!!! LCP arches his back in pain~

Smith: It’s a decayed looking Marcus Ka’Derrion! The wrestling prowess that made him a star!

Hood: Well LCP’s one kryptonite in all of this was always gonna be wrestling. He’s in the shit now.

Smith: Sounds weird but it’s true.

~Marcus yanks LCP up and shoves him into the wall. Hector looks on, pumping his fist. Marcus delivers some painful knife edged chops. LCP stumbles down to his knees. Marcus grabs him by the head and delivers a DDT into the sand!!! LCP flips over and lands on his back next to OCP. OCP urges him to get up as Marcus does a kip up to his feet, fired up! The fans outside chant ‘ZOMBIE MAN! ZOMBIE MAN!’ Marcus looks confused but Hector keeps his mind on the game~

Smith: Does he realize he’s a zombie?

Hood: I’m not sure. But for his sake the less he thinks about that the better.

Smith: Indeed

~Marcus steps over LCP and stares at OCP while grabbing the glass jar. Hector instructs him to smash it. Marcus stares at the glass jar and nods. He then sees his detached arm on the ground. He looks at where that arm should be and he thinks. Hector urges him not to think and to smash the jar. Marcus’ eyes start to go dead and black again as he staggers and drops the jar~

Smith: Oh no!

Hood: Gore makes him sick. He’s got a weak stomach! He’s gonna puke!

Smith: That OR he’s turning back into a zombie.

~Slowly his head raises and his eyes are black. He gurgles and makes zombie noises~

Smith: Yep, he’s a zombie again.

~We fly through the window and down back into the yard. We go underground where Duce continues to dig. The fans surrounding the house go wild chanting “DUCE! DUCE! DUCE!” He digs and digs getting about halfway out~

Smith: Don’t quit, Duce! Nobody is ever buried so deep they can’t dig themselves out of it!

Hood: I don’t know, man. Zeus is buried pretty fuckin deep.

~We leave the underground and stare at the grave. The ground shakes. A hand emerges from the dirt! The fans go wild! Another hand! “DUCE! DUCE! DUCE!” Finally, Duce pulls his head out and gasps for air!~

Smith: He did it!

~Duce spits some dirt out and says “Fuck you, Bifford.” A hand finds its way in front of him. He stares at it, warily, then looks up. A smile crosses his face, he takes the hand and gets his whole body out of the sand. Reaching his feet he stands in front of former OCW Champion Goldie and his friends The Frost and Da Link~

Smith: It’s the Third Earth Kliq!

Hood: Geezus. I hadn’t heard of these guys in like 20 years.

Smith: Nobody has but they were friends with Duce’s father, Krayzie!

Goldie: You got it in you, Duce. Always have, just like yo pops. Fat fuck tried to make a mockery of me but look what I did? I won the OCW Title.

~Duce nods~

Goldie: You go in there and you do the same. Shut his fatass up and run all these assholes out of OCW. Beat this fuckin curse, bro.

~Duce nods and shakes hands with the Third Earth Kliq before they vanish back into the ether. He dusts himself off and re-enters the house where he sees Zybala and Henri. All three men aware that they will survive another night. A moment of tension in the air until the phone goes off~

5:00am

eleven

Smith: Two hours left!

Hood: Can’t believe we just saw the Third Earth Kliq!

Smith: All of OCW’s history, for good or bad, lives in that house. It cannot die until this curse does.

~We head back into the Weight Room. Vhodka looks out. The bar is choking her. Lurrr, Syren, and Annie laugh while Meyhu shakes his head~

Lurrr: You fuckin people are all the same. You wanna come in here and play. You wanna come in here and join the crew. But you all fall for the same fuckin trap. Every single time. Get the fuck out and never come back.

~Lurrr high fives Syren. Vhodka’s eyes open and she yells out. They all turn and look on, shocked. She pushes the bar up~

Smith: Yes! Let’s go!

~The fans outside cheer her on! She’s feeding off the positive energy. She gets the bar up higher and higher. Her arms nearly fully extended. The tiny triangle glitches before vanishes. She gets the bar all the way up and shoves hit forward, it smacks Syren in the face, sending him into the ether. She glares at who’s left. They start to back away~

Smith: Get them, Vhodka!

Hood: Ah man I know that look. They’re fucked now.

~She jumps up onto the bench and leaps off with Screwdriver!! It sends Lurrr flying backward where he vanishes. She jumps up, snatches Annie by the head and hits her with Harvey Wallbanger!! Her head spikes against the ground and she vanishes. Vhodka pops back to her feet, the fans outside shaking the ground with their cheers. She turns, facing Meyhu. He smiles, puts his hands up and vanishes into a lime cloud~

Smith: Oh come on!

Hood: Even as a ghost he’s the smartest guy in the room.

~Vhodka rolls her eyes, spitting on the ground. She doubles over, feeling the pain of all that weight~

Voice: You are strong enough. You can do this.

~She looks up and sees the image of Veronica Strader. She stands upright, ready for anything~

Veronica Strader: It’s an old place with a lot of bad spirits. But I know strength when I see it and you’ve got it. Break the curse, Vhodka. You can do it. You’re stronger than you know.

~Behind Strader we see Cheasy M, Silverfreak, Paul Paras...the truest of the true. Behind them all the helpless faces that were run off by the old OCW guard~

Veronica Strader: We all believe in you.

~Vhodka nods and gives Strader a hug. She pushes the pain aside and opens the door, re-entering the main room where she sees Zybala, Henri, and Duce~

Smith: She’s here for a reason, Hood. And I think that reason is ending this curse.

Hood: Or the curse will just claim another trophy. A big game one, at that.

Smith: I can’t fathom that outcome.

~We head back into the Home Office where Mack looks asleep and he looks disgusted~

IF ONLY

~Mack hears the moans of a grown man. He frowns and kicks the door open. Mack storms into the room but pauses when he sees Saxon Rowe, TIO’s nemesis, plowing TIO’s twenty-something year old daughter from behind. Not what you expected? Mack snaps out of his momentary daze and rushes toward the window. We see a man watching from across the street with binoculars~

Mack O’Connor: QUICK, SHUT THE BLINDS!

~Saxon slows his pounding and looks at Mack. Mack struggles with the blinds~

Mack O’Connor: Why are these things so fuckin complicated!!

~Saxon extends a hand~

Saxon Rowe: Join us.

~Mack’s eyes bug out for a second. He turns and sees TIO watching mouthing the words “Don’t you fuckin do it.” Mack turns back around. He deadpans the camera~

Mack O’Connor: Ain’t my fuckin daughter

~He flexes and his shirt rips off. He dramatically tears his pants away and hops on the bed~

Mack O’Connor: Dibs on the mouth.

~We fly across the street and get a view through TIO’s binoculars as Mack turns and just stares at TIO while he’s being fellatio’d by his daughter. The binoculars shake as TIO starts to rage~

ONLY IF

~Mack remains asleep, smiling once more~

Smith: Looks like he really enjoyed that portion of his dream.

Hood: He’s gonna need therapy when he wakes up.

~We leave the Home Office and head back to the Guest Room~

Smith: Two hours left and we’re no closer to finding a winner in this strange LCP and Zombie Marcus rivalry.

Hood: Hector should just break his own glass jar. Put the zombie out of his misery so he can go get some zombie surgery.

Smith: Zombie surgery?

Hood: Yea, it’s surgery for zombies.

Smith: Thanks for clearing that up.

~Fans outside the building grow a little restless. The sun is a few hours away and Voorhees has gone missing. The two fans from the intro remain packed in tight with the rest of the crowd. Suddenly one fan screams, “THERE HE IS!!!” All the fans turn to see a person wearing a hockey mask emerging from the crowd~

Smith: No way!

Hood: Is he outside?

Smith: I thought he was bigger?

Hood: With fewer sexy curves

~The masked figure has a machete. They remove the mask and the crowd cheers with surprise and a bit of relief~

Smith: It’s Atara Themis!

Hood: Raven!

Smith: Yes, Raven. Sorry, James.

Hood: What is she doing here?

Smith: I’m being told she was so appreciative of the video we put out for her last week she wanted to show up and show us her appreciation by cooking us breakfast.

Hood: Aww, how nice. And people say she can be mean. What a sweetheart!

~Atty raises her machete as the crowd goes wild. We cut back inside the house and the Guest Room. Zombie Marcus has returned. LCP looks at OCP and gets a jolt of confidence. He pops to his feet, rushes forward and SMACK! He hits Zombie Marcus right in the head with The Chronic Kick!!! Zombie Marcus falls over. LCP struggles to his feet via the loose sand...but once he gets there he talks shit, pointing and yelling. We cut to the interior of the house where the four freed wrestlers hear LCP~

Vhodka Black: Is he? Are they going at it again?

Duce Jones: Think so.

Mike Zybala: Ah, an outsiders dream feud.

~Nobody has a comment on that. We cut back to the Guest Room. LCP gives Hector the middle finger before heading for the glass jar. The back of his head jerks back, violently. It’s the severed arm of Zombie Marcus! It’s got a full grip of LCP’s hair! LCP drops the jar and backs up against one of the trees. He slams the back of his head into the tree over and over~

Smith: That’s one way to use your head.

Hood: The only way LCP has ever used his head, as far as I can tell.

~He manages to reach around and grab the arm. With all his Lew Might he rips the hand free and stares at it...it’s got a good amount of his hair. “YOU BITCH!” he screams at the hand before using it to smack Zombie Marcus in the head over and over. ‘STOP HITTING YOURSELF! STOP HITTING YOURSELF! STOP HITTING YOURSELF!” The fans outside go wild. It’s a fun visual~

Smith: LCP has had it with that arm.

Hood: Hey, he’s the one that severed it.

Smith: Probably the last limb he’ll ever sever.

Hood: Let’s hope so!

~LCP looks over at Amby. “ASK HIM!” She points at a coconut. LCP is confused but he then remembers the jar. “Ah, my bad.” He pauses and throws the lifeless arm down next to Zombie Marcus. With his hands on his hips, he sucks some air and eyes Amby. “By the way, you look really good in that bikini.” Amby smiles. “ARGH!” Zombie Marcus reanimates and lunges at LCP’s legs, taking him down~

Smith: Stay focused, LCP!

Hood: Look I know she’s blind by Amby’s got a body that’d make a blind man see.

Smith: It’s nice, yes.

~Puffer’s phone goes off, jolting everyone in the main entry way. We pull out of the Guest Room, spin around and float down, hovering over Jack’s phone. He’s asleep. Jade has vanished. The phone reads~

6:00am

twelve

Smith: One hour! LCP and Marcus are coming down to the wire once again!

Hood: Meanwhile Mack is wrestling with his dreams.

~Henri tries the door, tired of being in the same house with these fools. It’s locked. He sighs and folds his arms as we float up the stairs and into the Home Office where Mack looks very much at peace~

IF ONLY

~Mack is whisked away from the balcony and into the OCW library. Treat Cassidy is finishing off his Sea Breeze holding a VHS tape~

Mack O’Connor: VHS?

Treat Cassidy: Symbolism

Mack O’Connor: Fine. What’s on that shit?

Treat Cassidy: Every Melinda Rhodes promo.

~Mack motions with his fingers to ‘give it here’. Treat hands it over. Mack breaks it in half, throws it on the ground and crushes it under his foot. He smiles, closing his eyes~

Treat Cassidy: Feel good?

Mack O’Connor: Surprisingly.

Treat Cassidy: You see, Mack? You have the power to eliminate the weird and cringe inducing work of those who would seek to rise to the top of OCW. You have the power to make OCW great…

Mack O’Connor: Don’t you finish that fuckin sentence.

Treat Cassidy: But you get what I mean? You can be miserable and let someone like a Melinda Rhodes outlast you and win the title. OR...you can take it for yourself and keep OCW where it is and was always meant to be. In the hands of those who built it.

~Mack nods~

Treat Cassidy: And have some fun while doing it?

~Mack cracks a smile as the scene around him fades out~

ONLY IF

~Mack wakes up. He sits up and surveys his surroundings. Judging by the color of the sky the sun ain’t far from rising. His right hand is gooey and wet. He looks at it and then at the dent in the floor filled with rat bones and guts. He wipes his hand off on the floor and stands. He heads for the door, opens it and exits. Below are the other four freed competitors. They look up at him as if asking if he wants to join them~

Mack O’Connor: No. I’m good up here.

~The fans outside pop~

Smith: Mack is awake and alive!

Hood: Is that a good thing?

Smith: He looks pretty-okay about it.

Hood: Whoa...you smell something?

Smith: I sure do and it smells good!

~Outside we see Atty using her machete to toss around some eggs and meat in a massive skillet. Fans around her lick their lips...the smell of her breakfast getting them super excited~

Smith: That smells great...is that Ham and Eggs?

Hood: A Greek take on it, perhaps.

Smith: I’ll take a plate Miss Themis!

Hood: IT’S RAVEN. Geezus, James is gonna show up and kill you.

~Atty stars tossing Eggs and Ham(?) on paper plates themed with the Greek Flag. The first two fans to receive some are the scared runaways from our intro. A plate is handed to Smith and Hood~

Smith: Alright!

Hood: Dude this smells so good.

Smith: Thanks, Atty!

~Atty points at them with the machete as we head back inside the house. We fly directly upstairs and into the Guest Rom where Zombie Marcus is once again trying to maul LCP. LCP knees Zombie Marcus in the groin but there’s little effect. He goes for a Guillotine but remembers Zombie Marcus bites so he yells ‘FUCK’ and flails around in frustration, trying to find a way~

Smith: It’s tough fighting a zombie.

Hood: You know what isn’t tough? This meat! It’s great!

Smith: No kidding!

~LCP’s flailing causes another coconut to fall. He snatches it and starts to beat Zombie Marcus over the head with it. Zombie Marcus’ head cracks open and LCP smiles...until he sees a black centipede crawl out. “GEEZUS!” he freaks out. Zombie Marcus looks up, takes the coconut and bites into it. He frowns...he looks at the coconut like ‘this isn’t flesh’. LCP is able to scurry away as Zombie Marcus gets to his knees and spits what he bit out, along with some broken teeth~

Smith: I don’t think coconuts are that bad.

Hood: It just depends what’s on the menu. If you’re diet is human flesh then, yea, I’d imagine a coconut would suck harder than a Jason Kortare promo.

~Zombie Marcus throws the disgusting coconut at LCP. LCP leaps into the air and spins around with an amazing looking kick...our view goes into slow motion as his body turns and his right leg pulls back before thrusting forward right as the coconut heads his way. And...he whiffs. The coconut flies beyond LCP and hits the wall as LCP lands hard in the sand. OCP slaps his forehead. Hector Malvado yells at Zombie Marcus to leave LCP alone and grab the glass jar~

Smith: It’s getting late in the early morning hours. The sun is upon us and somebody needs to break the other’s jar!

Hood: Yea, Marcus can feast when this is over.

Smith: Hector knows what it takes to win a Margarita Mix in this timeline but does OCP?

Hood: Maybe not. Maybe the OCW he wrestled for was really shitty like Action Wrestling.

~Zombie Marcus listens and crawls toward OCP. OCP yells at LCP to get out of the sand. Zombie Marcus sniffs at OCP but there’s nothing there...so he snags the jar. He slowly stands, holding the jar with one hand. As he turns he sees LCP standing holding Hector’s jar. It’s a jar stand off~

Smith: They both have their opponent’s jars!

Hood: We’re in the endgame now!

~We spin around and exit the Guest Room as Puffer’s alarm goes off~

7:00am

thirteenth

~The sun is rising. The freed competitors look at each other confirming it’s seven in the morning. Their eyes all turn up toward the Guest Room waiting to see who will emerge. The fans outside enjoy some Greek Eggs and Ham as they, too, turn toward the lone remaining issue. The sun starts to rise along the coast as the first breeze with a hint of warmth sends hairs on the back of everyone’s neck standing~

Smith: Dawn is rapidly approaching.

Hood: Let’s go, guys! Let’s get a winner!

~The sun rises through the window behind LCP. Zombie Marcus growls. The two warriors rush at one another and start bashing each other in the head with their jars. Hector and OCP look on wincing. Anxiety coursing through their spiritual beings~

Smith: Those jars are gonna break!

Hood: Yea but one of them will break first!

~Sunlight slowly starts to pour into the room. Hector urged Zombie Marcus to hurry. He delivers a huge haymaker with his jar. It cracks. OCP yells at LCP to fight back. LCP responds with a massive uppercut, slamming the jar into Zombie Marcus’ jaw. He staggers back. LCP’s jar is cracked. The sun continues to creep into the room~

Smith: Both jars are cracked!

Hood: We’re close to finally having a winner!

~LCP rears back for another punch but Zombie Marcus kicks his arm! LCP’s jar goes flying! Both LCP and OCP are like ‘ohh shit!’ LCP turns and runs toward the nearest tree. Zombie Marcus raises his jar high. LCP runs up the tree and leaps off with Placentia Born (shitty looking moonsault)! His legs hit the ceiling of the room but his body crashes into Zombie Marcus!! Both men hit the sand and tumble around! Half the room is lit! OCP and Hector urge their avatar’s on~

Smith: Let’s go, guys!

Hood: Fuckin hurry!

~LCP staggers around. He looks at OCP and nods. He heads for the jars...both of them. Side by side. He can’t tell the different. He picks them up...the fighting has erased whatever information might have been on them to tell them apart. He looks at OCP. OCP is equally confused~

Smith: The jars look identical.

Hood: We couldn’t have put them in different shaped containers or different colored containers? Geezus. CLASSIC OCW, BABY

~The sunlight reaches LCP’s feet. He starts to break one but pauses. He starts to break another but pauses. He finally says fuck it and throws them both into the wall...both jars break at once as the sunlight hits LCP’s feet. Hector and OCP both vanish~

Smith: He broke them both!

Hood: He kinda had to. Pick the wrong one and he’s out.

~The room slowly starts to shift back into the old, decayed guest room. Amby waves her arms in the air as her bikini turns back into normal ref attire. A few people outside the venue sigh with disappointment. She reaches around, finding LCP’s arm. She raises it~

Smith: What?!

Hood: OMG this is what happens when you have a blind ref.

~She feels around and finds the detached arm of Zombie Marcus. She raises that in the air, too! The fans pop~

Smith: Oh, okay, that’s better.

Hood: Wait...so Zombie Marcus’ arm is moving on in this countdown?

Smith: His whole body, Hood! Not just his arm!

Hood: Well I’m just trying to be clear, man. Fuck. I’ve never called matches for a zombie before.

~Puffer awakens and looks around~

Jack Puffer: Oh...hey guys…

~He hears some static on his walkie talkie. He listens and nods~

Jack Puffer: I’ve just been informed that both Zombie Marcus and LCP have survived tonight’s episode of Cursed Countdown!

~The fans outside pop. Everyone inside the main entry look around like ‘are you serious?’ They do the math~

Mack O’Connor: Wait. You’re saying all seven of us survived?

Jack Puffer: Yessir, Mack!

Mack O’Connor: FUCK

~Inside the Guest Room, LCP thanks Amby before pulling his arm away and exiting the room trying to put some distance between himself and Zombie Marcus. Zombie Marcus grabs his detached arm and he holds it. Amby feels around the walls, seeking an exit. LCP, on the balcony, looks down~

LCP: What’s up, losers.

~They turn, throwing looks of disdain LCP’s way~

LCP: Whoa, who’s that dude?

~Again, they turn. This time with looks of shock as Jason Voorhees has entered the room, carrying his massive machete~

Smith: IT’S JASON!

Hood: HE LIVES!!

~Jason stands there in all his intimidating aura. He expects the people to flee. The fans outside go wild and inch closer to the house with anticipation. The 7 remaining OCW stars just star at him. They’ve been through some shit and they aren’t anxious to put up with his~

Smith: Uh they should be running.

Hood: I dunno, man. I think Jason might have lurched up on the wrong tree.

~Jason looks around. His mannerisms tell us he’s confused. He slowly raises his machete in an act of intimidation. Finally Henri is like ‘ah hell no’ and all 7 remaining wrestlers (even Zombie Marcus) hit the ground and jump on Jason! Puffer backs away, the only member of the group that’s terrified. They consume Jason and take him down, punching and kicking~

Smith: They’re really giving Jason what for!

Hood: Kick his ass!

~Amby Brooks rushes into view and pushes wrestlers out of the way. She inspects the damage and waves her hands in the air.~

Jack Puffer: Amby Brooks is indicating that Jason Voorhees has been knocked out!

Smith: They did it! They knocked Voorhees out on Friday the 13th!

Hood: I mean technically it’s Saturday the 14th but whatever.

~Mack kicks Voorhees an extra time for good measure. Everyone is like “Anger issues”. Zombie Marcus hovers over the body~

Smith: Is he going to eat Jason?

Hood: Be a hell of a way to kill the franchise.

~Puffer steps up~

Jack Puffer: WAIT! Let’s remove the mask. Find out who he REALLY is

~Everybody agrees. They look to Jack for the honors~

Jack Puffer: Thanks, you guys. This means so much to me that I finally get a big moment here at…

~The front door bursts open and in storms Harvey Marx~

Harvey Marx: There’s only one man big enough for a job like this and that man is The Big Ticket...Harvey Marx! Out of my way, detective!

~Harvey gives Jack a light shove that sends him flying out of the picture. Harvey drops to one knee and reaches for Jason’s mask~

Smith: Harvey’s back!

Hood: And Jack gets pushed aside again

~Harvey gets his fingers under the gooey, sticky mask~

Harvey Marx: You’ve tormented the people of Haddonfield long enough. You all ready?

~Harvey lingers~

Smith: Don’t linger, he’ll animate and kill you!

Hood: Has Harvey ever SEEN a slasher flick, my goodness

~Harvey grips the side of the mask. Tension grows outside and within the house~

Harvey Marx: Alright let’s give Neve Campbell some peace and find out who you really are…

~Fans outside yell ‘DO IT ALREADY!’ Harvey’s arm tenses and he RIPS THE MASK OFF! Silence! Tension in the air~

Smith: It’s...it’s!

Hood: Marcus Ka’Derrion?

~The face of Marcus Ka’Derrion reveals itself under the mask. It suddenly changes to Mack O’Connor. Then to Mike Zybala. Then to LCP, which gets a chuckle out of Pinkston. It switches to Vhodka Black. Then it transitions to Duce Jones. And, finally, we switches to Henri Toussaint. All seven competitors look at each other, confused. Harvey stands up, glancing at all seven, equally perplexed. The face of Toussaint vanishes into a floating orb that dives through the floor and into the basement. The hulking body of Jason flattens into merely a pile of shitty clothes~

Smith: That was...weird.

Hood: I knew Henri was no good.

Smith: You know what is good? This breakfast!

Hood: Still eating on that, huh?

Smith: MHM! Hey, Mrs Themis

Hood: RAVEN

Smith: What’s in this meat? It’s so amazing!

~Atara turns around and points her machete toward the cage that once housed the duck~

Smith: Wait, what?

Hood: WHERE’S THE DUCK

Smith: Did we...did you just serve us DUCK and eggs?

~Atara nods. Smith dry heaves. Hood doubles over. The fans who enjoyed a heart breakfast throw up. The two fans from the intro choke on the duck meat and fall over, dead. Atara smiles and slides a hockey mask over her face before casually stepping over the two dead bodies. Two orbs leave the dead bodies and head underground into the basement...we follow them as they enter into what remains of the original OCW Title. The spirit of Cocco Ricci watches~

Cocco Ricci: In OCW you have to be strong to face the horrors that await. Without absolute conviction in who you are and what you can do then you will fold. You will fail. And you will become another spiritual notch on this belt.

~The room seems to move, slightly~

Cocco Ricci: Tonight all 7 wrestlers were tested. The curse gave them every reason to quit, to fold, to run from what awaits. They withstood. They fought back. They passed.

~The title starts to pulsate, black liquid leaking from it~

Cocco Ricci: More awaits. Six more episodes to find out who is worthy to break this curse and save OCW’s most precious possession. Tune in next week as the remaining 7 competitors face perils only those worthy can survive.

~Slowly we zoom in on the old OCW Title as the scene fades out~

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