OCW Presents: Monday Night Craze
LIVE! Monday, October 28th, 2024
From the OCW Arena in Key West, Florida!

~We open up to the OCW Arena. Sold out crowd of very lonely men ready and rowdy for some pro wrestling action!! "OCW" signs are prevalent as, ya know, they should be given the fuckin venue. We see a few relevant signs like "Zombie Marcus was robbed!" and "LCP is the REAL Champ!" and, of course, "Dadbod lives." Not sure what that last one means. Oh yea and there's like a million pro Vhodka signs. But we're here for CRAZE. So, we cut to the announce team of Smith and Hood~

Smith: Hello again, everyone and welcome to Monday Night Craze! The first episode of Craze! An impromptu pro wrestling show with no planned segments or matches! The wrestlers just show up and fight!

Hood: What if nobody shows up?

Smith: Then we get to leave early.

Hood: Sweet. That's what I'm hoping for.

Smith: This will be a weekly show where pro wrestlers will show up, unannounced, fight until, eventually two emerge to square off for the OCW Craze Title!

Hood: Rad

Smith: Bod. So let's head backstage where Who'Re is standing by.

~We cut backstage to Who'Re~

Who'Re: Sup guys!

Smith: You tell us, Who'Re. You got any wrestlers back there ready to fight?

Who'Re: Let me see

Smith: Any luck, Who'Re?

Who'Re: Nobody yet. Oh, wait...I think I see someone!

~It's just The Knife Man~

Who'Re: It's just The Knife Man

Smith: False alarm, everyone. It was just the Knife Man

~There’s a rumbling behind Who’Re. They turn around to see Lewis Chad Pinkston talking on his phone.~

LCP: What do you mean he was an actual Zombie!?! We were in Key West, I thought it was just a dude high on Bath Salts.

~Lewis looks around confused.~

LCP: Wait? Where the fuck am I?

~Who'Re freaks out~

Who'Re: OMG! OMG! We have someone! A legit wrestler is here!

Hood: Legit?

Who'Re: Oh you know what I mean!

~Who'Re scurries over~

Who'Re: LCP! Cursed Countdown runner up! Welcome to Craze! How are you feeling after last week's epic finale?

~Lewis holds up a hand~

LCP: Hold on apparently I walked onto a show. I guess I’ll call you back.

~Lewis hangs up the call, and looks towards Who’Re~

LCP: How am I feeling? Seriously that’s all you can come up with? You do realize you’re talking to the fastest rising STAR in all of professional wrestling, right? So how do you think I’m feeling?

~Who’Re starts to talk but Lewis cuts them off.~

LCP: Calm down there, it was rhetorical. I’m pissed off. It was mine and that jezebel ruined everything!

Crash Rodriguez: cough cough The Craze title is in the legal possession of one Louis Pohl

~Who'Re is about to answer LCP when Crash walks up carrying an odd variation of the Craze Title. She suddenly finds herself in between Crash and LCP...(make the jokes at your own peril, guys)~

Who'Re: It seems we have a situation back here!

Smith: It looks like we've got Crash and LCP confronting each other backstage!

Hood: Yes and Zybala is out here changing shirts on live TV...nobody wants to see this!

~Zybala hears Hood and looks down at a slightly bigger belly than he was used to in his younger years. Being a dad is a great joy, but doesn't leave much gym time. He has an upset look and runs over to Hood and launches a superkick right at the color commentator! Luckily for Hood, Zybala pulls back at the last second~

Zybala: You have a baby that you actually take care of and see how much gym time you have.

~Hood nearly falls out of his announcer's chair flinching. He instantly regains his composure~

Hood: I just want everyone to know I was not flinching at Mike. There was one of those murder hornets coming at me and I ducked. But Mike...you think I don't have to take care of kids? I'm dealing with this moron to my right during every OCW show!

Smith: you're looking good, Mike. Superkick is as dangerous as ever

~Zybala nods at Smith before handing him a couple Ben Franklins. ~

Zybala: I repay kindness with kindness, thank you MISTER Smith. Hood, piss off.

~Zybala walks to the ring, waving to fans before sliding in and checking the integrity of the ropes and turnbuckles. It doesn't look like any shenanigans will happen under his watch~

Hood: The fuck is this shit. He just paid you off on LIVE tv

Smith: Oh relax. Not that many people are watching, anyway.

Hood: Isn't this fucker supposed to be in Frost Hollow right now?

Smith: Folks! Zybala is in the ring and he's got a special ref shirt and he's looking extra special tonight! our opening match is set as LCP will face Crash Rodriguez. We'll hear from these two OCW stars shortly!

~While waiting, Zybala walks around to the fans and starts signing autographs while reminding them to watch Outsiders. Zybala owns that, you know.~

LCP: Wait so what’s going on? I’ve got to fight this Crash guy all of a sudden? The pay better be way more than anything Outsiders was offering.

~A PA whispers into Lewis’ ear. Lewis looks at him with shock.~

LCP: Seriously?

~The PA Nods~

LCP: Well when a basement almost swallows you up I guess a window opens or something.

Who'Re: Mr. CP. While we wait on Crash to return...what are your thoughts on Zybala refereeing this match between you and Crash?

~LCP stares blankly at Who’Re.~

LCP: You’re just full of the hard hitting questions today aren’t you? What are you going to ask next, what do I think of Vhodka?

~Lewis pauses to compose himself~

LCP: But since you asked… I don’t give a single fuck. As long as his pea sized brain can count to three, it doesn’t matter. What you’re all witnessing right now is the elevation Of L. C. P., I’m embarking on new quest. It’s no longer a question of if, it’s now a question of when. And that journey starts tonight, apparently.

~Zybala looks mocked shocked at L.C.P. and his statement.~

Zybala: I have to count to THREE?!?!

LCP: Or ten. Or just wait for the towel to be thrown in. As long as the right hand is raised, cough cough mine. We are all good in the Hood

~Who'Re stares up at LCP~

Who'Re: I thought you were supposed to be nice. The house has changed you.

~She hands the mic to LCP~

Who'Re: Good luck with Crash Rodriguez

~Who'Re walks off~

Smith: It seems Who'Re has been offended by LCP.

Hood: Good. LCP is showing us all he has the makings of being the next OCW Champion. Now if we can just get Crash back here we can watch him dismantle a former Craze Champion

LCP: Oh I am nice, to people that aren’t five crayons short of full box.

~Lewis looks around~

LCP; So where is this guy? Is he already pulling a Henri and going radio silent l? That would be new. Leaving before I beat them.

~Zybala hands L.C.P. a Halls Cough Drop~

Zybala: for the cough

Smith: Mike Zybala magically teleporting from the ring to backstage, everyone

Hood: Explains how he got here from Frost Hollow so fast

~Lewis looks at the cough drop and drops it to the ground~

LCP: Honestly I expected store brand from you but Two things. One I know where your hands have been. And two…. It’s not cherry.

Smith: Luden's cough drops were the best, right?

Hood: I don't talk about drugs on TV

Smtih: Fans, I'm receiving word that if Crash doesn't reappear soon we may have to reopen the challenger for LCP

Hood: Crash always with the head games

~ a hot cheetah rolls down the ramp as a spotlight follows it down. "The itsy bitsy spider " plays as the crowd erupts. (Mainly the middle aged white women) ."~

Hood: is it? Could it be?

Smith: TONY THE SPIDER!!!!

~ Tony the Spider appears and all the women and some men remove their underwear and throws it in Tony's direction. A panty with skid marks lands directly on Tony's head. He is temporarily blinded. Tony stumbles and appears to injured his ankle pretty bad. The medics come out and stretchers him away. ~

Smith: IT'S TONY THE SPIDER!!

Hood: LCP has a new challenger!

LCP: Oh shit……

~Lewis holds up his arms~

LCP: It not often you get a bitch to bitch out before the bitching, but I guess a bitch is as a bitch does.

~Lewis Pulls out a note pad, scribbles in it and then looks up to see Tony The Spider~

LCP: HOLY SHIT….. it’s cctv Spider-Man! With unusually sticky hands without any webs!

~Derek Mobley steps on stage to stop the stretcher~

Derek Mobley: Sorry. Tony...you're in, pal.

Tony: WTF man? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Smith: It's set! Tony vs. LCP!

~LCP sees the stretcher~

LCP: I remember my first match too. Except I won that too

~Tony reaches into his funny pack and pulls out an ankle brace. He straps it on.~

~LCP looks up. ~

LCP: You got it ghost voice.

~LCP throws a thumbs up~

Zybala: Tony the Spider gets one free headlock due to being an Outsiders Original! L.C.P. gets one free counter!

~Tony does a yoga noogie~

~Lewis patiently waits for Tony to say anything. Literally anything at all~

LCP: Seriously? How long it is going to take to get those knee braces on? I’ve seen more limber people at a quadriplegic 100 meter dash.

~We cut to Derek Mobley backstage, staring at the monitor~

Derek Mobley: Tony's almost as bad at this as TLS was

~Lewis shudders at the mention of TLS and pulls out his phone and holds it up to the camera showing a gif~

~Zybala waits in the ring, playing his Nintendo Switch~

LCP: Is it an Oled?

Smith: Zybala flaunting his Switch in front of LCP

Hood: What is Tony doing?

Smith: Not sure.

Tony: LCP's momma is so ugly, when she went to legoland. They offered her a job

~The OCW crowd lets out an 'oooohhhhh'. It's clear they are big tony fans~

~LCP shakes his head.~

LCP: Gotta focus.

~Lewis looks for Tony and see him right after that stupid joke~

LCP: At least she’d be gainfully employed, unlike you, who has to slum it around with the dickless wonder in Zybala

~OCW fans hush~

Smith: Uh oh. He just insulted the special ref. Not sure how that's going to go over.

LCP: I find it amazing that everyone was excited to see LCP versus Crash, because that could’ve been something of notes. Then here you come, letting all the air out of the building and cracking half assed jokes. The only jokes on this building are everyone not named LCP

Tony: LCP is so dumb.

Crowd: how dumb is he?

Tony: i saw him trying to recusitate a broken microwave. He told he was wanted to help save electricity

~The fans are getting into the back and forth. A loud "TONY! TONY! TONY!" chant breaks out~

LCP: It’s like you don’t even know anything about me, but I guess that’s what passes in dumpster fires like GCWA or wherever the fuck you came from.

~LCP manages to get a pop for ripping on GCWA~

LCP: My light is shining brighter than ever, meanwhile people have lost the batteries to your light years ago.

Smith: The promo time for these two Craze stars is winding down. Only a minute left. Can Tony get one last shot in? Can LCP close it out?

LCP: So before you get all crazy talking about how dumb LCP is, maybe you should ask yourself how I got into so many companies without being a wrestler. Better yet ask yourself how after just two stops I became the most profitable wrestler in recent memory, while you still hang onto the past like it means a damn thing when I’m around.

Tony: LCP. I got 1 word for ya…

~The OCW audience is on the edge of their seats~

Tony: ( crowd chants) Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

~HUGE POP!!!~

Smith: We're just about set to witness the first match in Craze history. Can LCP keep his momentum going or will Tony the Spider win one for the yard?

Hood: If LCP loses I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to whoever put this shit show together

LC Pinkston (0-0) vs. Tony the Spider (0-0)

~Scene: The sold-out OCW Arena in Key West, Florida. The crowd is buzzing, and the energy is electric. The arena lights flash as Belvedere stands in the center of the ring with a microphone in hand, ready to introduce the next match. Smith and Hood are at the announcers' table, mics at the ready.~

Smith: [excited] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the OCW Arena! We’ve got a wild matchup coming your way between two of the quirkiest guys in the business, Tony the Spider and LC Pinkston!

Hood: [sarcastic] Oh, joy. Just what I signed up for. We’ve got one guy who couldn’t wrestle a bag of Cheetos if his life depended on it and another who’s one slip away from falling on his own face. This is a joke, Smith!

Smith: [ignoring Hood] Tony the Spider may not be a top technician, but he’s got a lot of heart, and these fans love him!

Hood: Yeah, they love him because they can relate to him—he looks like he’s one ham sandwich away from retirement.

~Suddenly, "Jump" by Van Halen blares over the speakers, and the crowd roars as Tony the Spider, the man himself, struts out from the backstage area. Wearing his signature yellow shirt and rocking a scraggly mullet, he beams at the crowd and struts down the ramp with a bag of Cheetos in hand~

Smith: And here he is, Tony the Spider! From the one and only Emilio’s backyard!

Hood: [laughing] Emilio’s backyard? This guy couldn’t even make it into a garage. Look at him! The guy’s in worse shape than my lawn chair after a hurricane.

Smith: Tony’s not here to impress with his physique; he’s here to entertain these fans!

~Tony takes his time, munching on Cheetos as he makes his way to the ring, leaving an orange trail of cheese dust on his shirt and fingers. He steps through the ropes, grinning ear to ear, then offers the bag of Cheetos to Belvedere, who politely declines~

Smith: You’ve got to love it—Tony just lives in the moment.

Hood: Lives in the moment? He lives in a Cheeto bag, Smith. The guy hasn’t done a single push-up in his life!

~The music fades, and the lights dim for a moment. Then, "Loco" by Machine Gun Kelly hits, and the crowd erupts in a mix of boos and laughter as LC Pinkston appears at the top of the ramp. He stumbles a bit as he makes his way down the aisle, his gangly frame awkwardly moving to the beat~

Smith: And here comes LC Pinkston! He may not be the smoothest guy, but he’s got a knack for making waves here in OCW.

Hood: Waves? More like splashes when he falls on his face, which he’s bound to do any second now. This guy is all limbs and zero talent.

~LC Pinkston makes his way down the ramp, tripping once but catching himself just in time. He scowls at the fans and makes a beeline for the ring, attempting to slide in under the ropes, only to awkwardly get tangled for a moment before finally standing up.~

Smith: [stifling a laugh] LC Pinkston may not have the best entrance, but he’s determined tonight!

Hood: Determined to do what? Embarrass himself? He’s one misstep away from a lawsuit.

~The referee, Mike Zybala, a fan favorite, calls both competitors to the center of the ring. Zybala smirks as he looks at LC Pinkston, clearly unimpressed.~

Zybala: [to LC] Hey, LC, how’s that original Switch treating you? Couldn’t spring for the OLED, huh?

~The crowd laughs, and LC Pinkston’s face turns red as he glares at Zybala~

Smith: Zybala already getting under Pinkston’s skin! He’s known to throw in a few verbal jabs along with his superkicks.

Hood: This is unprofessional! The ref’s supposed to be neutral, not taking cheap shots about gaming systems.

~Belvedere takes his place in the center of the ring.~

Belvedere: [booming voice] Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Emilio’s backyard… Tony the Spider!

~The crowd cheers loudly as Tony laughs, giving a thumbs-up to the fans~

Belvedere: And his opponent, hailing from… wherever the gangly kids hang out, LC Pinkston!

~The crowd gives a mixed reaction, with boos for LC but a few chuckles at his awkward appearance. Zybala signals for the bell~

Smith: And we’re underway! Tony the Spider versus LC Pinkston!

Hood: If Tony wins this, it’ll be a miracle. The guy’s had more Cheetos than matches in his life.

~The bell rings, and LC Pinkston moves in, looking to lock up. Tony, however, seems unfazed, popping a Cheeto in his mouth and laughing. LC reaches out, but Tony sidesteps, causing LC to stumble forward, almost tripping.~

Smith: [laughing] Tony with the dodge, and LC already off-balance!

Hood: [groaning] This is embarrassing. Pinkston, focus! You’re in a wrestling ring, not trying to navigate a staircase.

~LC, frustrated, turns around and charges at Tony again. This time, Tony clumsily swings a wild punch, which misses by a mile. LC swings back with an awkward punch of his own, which barely connects. The two start trading half-hearted slaps and awkward kicks~

Smith: [trying not to laugh] This is… well, it’s something. Not exactly a technical display.

Hood: This is less wrestling and more like a slumber party pillow fight.

~LC finally manages to get Tony into a headlock, but Tony slips out, laughing and taking a step back. Zybala suddenly jumps in between them, delivering a completely unprovoked superkick to LC Pinkston!~

Smith: [surprised] Superkick! Zybala just hit LC Pinkston with a superkick!

Hood: [furious] What in the hell?! The ref is supposed to be calling the match, not joining it!

~LC stumbles backward, rubbing his jaw, while Zybala shrugs, feigning innocence. Tony takes advantage and clumsily shoves LC into the ropes, then winds up for a big punch. LC ducks, though, and Tony ends up spinning himself in a full circle, dizzy~

Smith: And Tony misses again! The man just can’t seem to land a solid hit.

Hood: He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. At this point, LC might win just by accident.

~LC seizes the moment, delivering an awkward kick to Tony’s midsection, causing him to drop his bag of Cheetos, which spill all over the mat. Tony looks down, horrified, as LC backs up, preparing for his finisher.~

Smith: Oh no! Tony’s Cheetos! That’s a tragedy in itself!

Hood: Finally, some offense from Pinkston! End this farce, LC!

~Just as LC is about to go for his big move, Zybala intervenes again, delivering yet another superkick—this time, just missing LC, who stumbles out of the way. Zybala smirks at LC, and the crowd laughs at the near-miss.~

Smith: Zybala with another superkick! He’s definitely not a fan of LC Pinkston tonight.

Hood: [grumbling] Zybala needs to be fired. This isn’t a free-for-all!

~LC, trying to ignore Zybala, picks Tony up and awkwardly whips him into the corner. He charges in for a clothesline, but Tony ducks, and LC crashes chest-first into the turnbuckle. As LC stumbles back, Tony gives him a clumsy shove, sending him to the mat.~

Smith: Tony’s got LC down! Could he actually pull off a win here?

Hood: If Tony wins, I’m walking out of this arena.

~Tony looks down at LC, then at the crowd, and lets out a big laugh. He raises his arms, getting a cheer from the fans. But LC scrambles to his feet, frustration written all over his face. He takes a few steps back, preparing to strike.~

Smith: Uh-oh, LC’s looking for that Chronic Kick!

Hood: This is it! If he connects, it’s over!

~LC lunges forward with the Chronic Kick, catching Tony square in the jaw! Tony goes down like a sack of potatoes, the crowd groaning as they realize their hero is in trouble.~

Smith: Chronic Kick! Tony’s down!

Hood: Thank you, LC! Put an end to this nonsense.

~LC, breathing heavily, slowly climbs to the top rope. He wobbles a bit, almost losing his balance, but steadies himself, determined. He looks down at Tony, then leaps off with a moonsault—The Placentia Born! He crashes down onto Tony for the cover.~

Smith: Placentia Born! He hit it!

~Zybala begrudgingly hits the mat and makes the count. 1! 2! 3! The bell rings and the fans boo~

Belvedere: Here is your winner in the first match in Craze history...LC Pinkston!!!

Smith: Despite what Zybala says LCP has won! He's 1-0 here o Monday Night Craze!

Hood: Whew. Thought we were gonna get a Tony the Spider victory. LCP bouncing back from Cursed Countdown to win the Craze Title would be tremendous

Smith: It's all about the grind! LCP, say what you want about him and there's alot that can be said...he's been working hard since day one. You might be looking at the next Craze Champion

~LCP pulls out his phone and tweets about his victory~

Smith: Ugh

Hood: I love this guy

~Suddenly the OCWTRON lights up. And as the OCW tron lights up we see Who'Re backstage~

Who'Re: Wow! What an opening match! LCP with the huge win!

Smith: So who's next? Anyone is eligible to compete...who will show up next to try and match LCP's victory tonight?

~the camera cuts to the parking lot as they have been told someone or some people are arriving. A classic, black, Hummer OG comes to a stop right in front of the entrance. The OCW faithful cheer loudly as there is only one wrestling family known for not caring about our planet, driving those huge vehicles which are terrible for the environment: The 7 Wrestling Sins. ~

Smith: Ohhhh!

Hood: It's the most dangerous family in pro wrestling!

Smith: A mainstay in OCW since it's creation back in 1999

~We cut backstage to Who'Re~

Smith: Who'Re do you know which member of the Sins is out there?

Who'Re: I do not, Smith. But if I had to guess I'd say Zombie Marcus.

~Zybala sees the Hummer and gets excited. He's pals with at least 3 of the Sins. He rushes out of the ring and runs backstage to hang with his friends as he cues up Mario Party on the Switch~

~The Door of the Hummer opens and a cloud of smoke escapes... After the longest three seconds ever, a foot wearing a chancla steps out, and as the camera moves up, we see Paco "The Drinking Time Bomb" Perez step out, smiling from ear to ear, joint in the corner of his lip, tequila bottle in his hand. The manager of all the 7DS, looks around and feeling 'safe', heads inside. The camera stays on the hummer, waiting to see who else comes out.~

Smith: It's Paco!

Hood: Aww shit. I remember when he had his own show back on ICWF. That man inspired me to be the commentator I am.

Smith: I'll be sure to yell at him for that later

~Not far behind Hummer comes the sound of an Indian Scout. The cameraman runs over and catches one of the best Craze champions in history.~

Tamika Strader: Hurricane missed this place, eh?

~The Knife Man comes running up waving his giant knife around~

The Knife Man: Tamika! Tamika! OMG

~Zybala sees Paco and puts the Switch away in its case and puts it in one of his cargo pants pockets. He walks over.~

Zybala: Paco! Amigo! How's it hanging!

Smith: We've got a situation out in the parking lot, Hood. The 7 Wrestling Sins hummer is out there and so is Tamika Strader

~Zybala hears Knifey yelling and turning. He sees Tamika and waves.~

Zybala: Hey Meeks!

Paco: Not now Mikey, I need to take a piss.

~Paco rushes past Mikey looking for the bathroom.~

Smith: Paco must have broke the seal before he left to head to the arena

Hood: Classic Paco

~Tamika hugs the Knifey.~

Tamika Strader: Hey babes. Where’s Who’re?

~Just then not one but two more people step out of the Hummer, and Mikey's eyes light up like a Japanese Anime character: It's the 2 Time Hall of Famers, and greats Outsiders Tag team champions of all time: The Malvado Brothers!~

Zybala: Victor! Hector! Amigos! Hermonos! How's my favorite announce team??

~The fans inside the OCW Arena go wild! Tamika AND The Malvado Brothers!~

Smith: This is insane! Look at the talent outside this arena.

Hood: Yea I'm still looking. Don't see anything

~They are dressed in suits, one black and one white, each wearing opposite color masks. They look around, acting very much like security for whoever is inside the Hummer, they see Strater but ignore her not knowing who that is.~

~Who'Re heads outside and gives Tamika a hug~

Who'Re: Tamika...what are you doing here tonight?

Tamika Strader: I heard my old title was on the line. I wanted to see who’s gonna follow in my cowgirl boot steps

Smith: It's official! Tamika is here to fight! But who is her challenger going to be?

Hood: The dude in the hummer, maybe?

Smith: Why's it gotta be a dude

Hood: You ever seen a female member of the Sins?

Tamika Strader: Good thing I am comfortable wrasslin’ in boots and denim.

~The Malvados head for the back of the Hummer and open the trunk, they then pull out a large cooler and together they head inside, past Strater, past Who'Re, and into the arena!~

Tamika Strader: and when I find out who signed me up for O’Holy Fight, Imma put my boot up their derrière

~Tamika heads into the arena, stopping past the entrance to look around.~

Tamika Strader: Been too long

~The crowd goes wild as they see the Malvados heading out to the arena~

Smith: What's in that cooler?

Hood: Expired meat, I'd have to guess.

~The crowd cheers even louder when they see Tamika heading inside~

Smith: We're gonna get a confrontation one way or the other, Hood

Hood: Let's fuckin get to it

~Zybala throws a few superkicks~

~Zybala notices that Yhe Malvados never closed the Hummer doors. He looks inside the vehicle and sees how roomy the backseat is~

~Tamika bats away Zybala’s boot~

Tamika Strader: Mikey, watch where that’s going

Zybala: That's what she said. BTW Meeks, do you see how roomy this thing is?!

~The Malvados reach the ring and push the larg cooler under the bottom rope, and into the middle of the ring. Suddenly the lights go out and the big screen comes on, revealing one word: "ARGH!"~

~HUGE OVATION~

~Tamika looks back.~

Tamika Strader: I am inside, but I believe you

Smith: We know who that is!

Hood: Mack after a long night of drinking?

Smith: NO

~The lights come back on and Zombie Marcus is standing in the middle of the ring, with the rusted Outsiders championship wrapped tightly around his decaying waist.. In his hands, as Hood guessed it, he has two large pieces of expired, yet bloody meat.. and on the ring apron, the OCW logo has been written over with blood... "MEAT GAMES!!!!"~

~Zybala hears the Zombie Marcus music and ignores the Hummer, now looking worried. He runs to the ring, gently pushing past Tamika, ready to call the next match and show blatant favoritism towards his Outsiders world champ.~

Smith: It's the Outsiders Champion! He's defiled the OCW ring with his Outsiders advertisement!

Hood: More like Outsiders propaganda. I wonder what Tamika thinks of this?

~Zybala gets to the ring and looks at what Marcus did. Tears well up in Mike's eyes as if he couldn't be happier or prouder.~

Hood: Makes me sick

~”Do You Wanna Touch Me?” Hits the PA for the first time in years as Tamika Strader steps out, and turns her back to the crowd to point with her thumbs to the Cowgirls From Hell biker-esque patch. She turns around with the Strader Sneer and begins her way down the ramp, slapping hands with her OCW FAITHFUL. She has a microphone in hand.~

Tamika Strader: Ahh Outsiders. At least they weren’t a big of a pain in my ass as the Outcasts were.

~She looks in the ring at everyone.~

Tamika Strader: So, who is auntie teebag gonna, well, teebag?

~To shoe his gratitude, Zybala scans the crowd and finds the ONLY fan wearing a Hood t-shirt. Zybala runs out and superkicks the fans before dragging their unconscious body to the ring. He lays them at the feet of his champ and nods.~

Zybala: There you go buddy. Dinner

Smith: Is Zombie Marcus up for the challenge?

Tamika Strader: I guess Clam Slam is more appropriate

~Tamika searches her jacket and sighs.~

Tamika Strader: A zombie and I forgot my Desert Eagle. Are you a real zombie or is this like the bath salts incident a decade ago?

~The lights go out again and the crowd now boos loudly. MIkey,, Tamika and some fans feel someone rush past them and then the camera cuts back to the parking lot. The Malvados are standing by the Hummer, waving Zombie Marcus over. He waddles over as fast as he can, and dives inside the hummer. The Malvados laugh, giving all kinds of signals to the OCW camera and then diving inside as well and closing the door behind them. The Hummer peels off, the first shot having been fired by Outsiders~

~The lights come back on and Tamika is standing there annoyed. Mikey is on the outside, in tears. The crowd however has popped hugely as while Zombie Marcus is gone, someone is standing there, behind Tamika..~

Smith: LOOK!

Tamika Strader: Wait, come back. I can take you ti Lou Pohl for his brains. They aren’t much but they’ll work in a pinch.

~Tamika, annoyed, laughs.~

Tamika Strader: All talk.

~Zybala, through the tears, bribes the front row fans to start an OUTSIDERS chant~

Smith: Behind you, Tamika!

Hood: Shh. Don't spoil the surprise!

~Tamika starts to look behind and…~

Smith: Zybala bribing these fans.

Hood: That isn't bribery, Smith. That's torture

Smith: It's former OCW Champion, Xavier Lux!!!

~Tamika sneers and bends down, hand on her hip, the other motioning to bring it.~

~Zybala rolls back in the ring, ready to ref another match. While waiting on Lux, he pulls out the Switch and goes to the SNES modulator and starts playing Super Punch Out~

Xavier Lux: No matter how many times I hope this place burns down to the ground, it just keeps coming back... Like a roach in the apocalypse, OCW just won't die.... and neither will their so called champions. A Strader is the last Craze champion? Which Strader are you? One that clearly hasn't been banned from a promotion... yet.

Tamika Strader: I started this industry as a tag team wrestler but when Meghan talked me into buying into OCW, I got the chance to fight for singles title. I smacked around Dangerous Dan, Roach and everyone they put in front of me. And Xavier, I didn’t run when the optics were bad.

~Zybala briefly looks up, wondering if Xavier is talking about HIS version of OCW and how biased he'll have to be in the next match~

Tamika Strader: I respect you, Lux. You were a valiant fighter. Epic battles with Hall of Famer, Outcast. But what I noticed about all of you is when the going gets tough… you get going

Xavier Lux: Okay first of all, Mikey, stop drooling over me, take two steps back and put a sock in it. Second, Tamika, I didn't ask for a f'n history lesson... I sure as hell don't care about your history... and beating Dangerous f'n Dan is nothing to brag about, what is this Outsiders?

~At the mention of Outcast, Zybala looks up again~

Zybala: Man, fuck that Ranch dressing chugging old fossil.

Tamika Strader: Aww, you are cute when you are being insecure

Xavier Lux: I have never run from a battle, I was OCW World Champion, ON MY FIRST MATCH IN THIS PATHETIC PLACE!

Zybala: Oh, he's talking about THIS OCW. That's OK.

~Zybala goes back to playing Super Punch Out~

Tamika Strader: see that’s the difference. I don’t think this place is pathetic. I think the people that walked when OCW needed them most are the pathetic ones.

Xavier Lux: That's cute that you went from tag to singles competition and fought nothing but leftovers when the purge went down... You should feel really proud of yourself... ~rolls his eyes~

Tamika Strader: And you shouldn’t feel so bad about your little dick syndrome

Smith: These two are really laying into each other! Time is running out! Who is going to get the better of who, Hood?

Hood: Don't look at me. I just work here

Xavier Lux: So you stayed and 'fought the good fight', okay, good for you, what did you do in your little rund, tell me what you are so proud of... Let's hear all your accolades because I hope to God that winning the Craze championship is the only thing you have to your name

Tamika Strader: I have heard all the rhetoric my entire career. I keep hoping someone will come up with something original, but here we are. Same old song and dance. And seven tag title reigns. And hall of fame induction. But please, keep running your lips, Chrome Dome

Xavier Lux: I was the Savage Champion... I was the Paradigm Champion.... I was the OCW World Champion in a time where there was actual competition... In a time where OCW was soaring high... In a time when every title here mattered.. Not in a time where nothing but leftovers and ass kissers and brown nosers and miscellaneous wrestlers were left.

Tamika Strader: Good for you, but when push came to shove you ran away. You’ll do the same again, and again. And again

Xavier Lux: What you have done means nothing, because you did it in a time when NO ONE was paying attention but a handful of internet nerds... Hell, Outsiders was even more popular during that time... and you feel proud of what you did because you knew someone who was sitting behind the desk? I did it when the guy in the front office didn't like me.

Tamika Strader: You can say I did nothing and it meant nothing but you sound like an angry teenager using ChatGPT to make yourself try to sound original

Tamika Strader (0-0) vs. Xavier Lux (0-0)

~Scene: The OCW Arena is packed, the crowd buzzing with excitement as Xavier Lux and Tamika Strader are already in the ring, ready for battle. Special guest referee Mike Zybala stands between them, grinning as he looks at both competitors. Smith and Hood sit at ringside, mics in hand.~

Smith: [excited] Ladies and gentlemen, we’re about to witness an explosive clash between two of OCW’s most iconic figures—Xavier Lux, son of Hall of Famer Scorpion, a former OCW Champion himself, and Tamika Strader, a beloved former Craze Champion and OCW’s former owner!

Hood: [smirking] Beloved? Please, Smith. She’s about as beloved as an old couch in a frat house. Lux is the true star here—a second-generation fighter, a vicious brawler, and a high-flying maniac. He’s got this in the bag!

Smith: Lux may have the pedigree, but don’t underestimate Tamika! She’s got the heart and spirit these fans love, and she’s no stranger to a fight.

~Suddenly, without any hesitation, Lux throws a sucker punch, blindsiding Tamika and knocking her back into the corner. The crowd boos as Lux smirks, clearly proud of his dirty start.~

Smith: Oh, come on! Right out of the gate, Lux with a cheap shot!

Hood: Cheap shot? That was strategic brilliance, Smith. Why waste time? Lux knows exactly what he’s doing.

~Lux continues to pound on Tamika with a series of stiff punches, forcing her down into the corner. Zybala moves in, pulling Lux back, clearly annoyed with his unsportsmanlike tactics~

Zybala: [pointing at Lux] Play it fair, Xavier, or I’m coming after you next!

Hood: [laughing] Zybala should worry about his own job and stop playing favorites!

Smith: Zybala isn’t playing favorites, Hood! He’s enforcing the rules, something Lux doesn’t seem too fond of.

~As soon as Zybala steps back, Lux charges at Tamika in the corner. But Tamika reacts just in time, ducking under his attack and slipping behind him. She delivers a quick dropkick to his back, sending him face-first into the turnbuckle. The crowd erupts with cheers!~

Smith: And there’s Tamika with a beautiful counter! She’s not backing down!

Hood: Luck, pure luck, Smith. Lux will regroup and put this thing to bed.

~Tamika doesn’t waste a moment. She pulls Lux to his feet, slamming him down with a body slam. Lux grimaces but quickly rolls to the ropes, clutching them and waving Tamika off. Zybala steps in, warning Tamika to keep her distance while Lux uses the ropes to get back up~

Smith: Lux trying to buy himself some time. He didn’t expect Tamika to come out swinging like this!

Hood: He’s regrouping, Smith! It’s called strategy. The man’s a former champion for a reason.

~Tamika waits, giving Lux space as Zybala insists, but the moment Zybala turns his head, Lux grabs Tamika by the hair and yanks her forward, snapping her neck against the top rope! She stumbles back, clutching her throat, and Lux seizes the opening, hitting a springboard clothesline that takes her down hard~

Smith: Lux pulling the hair—that’s a blatant cheat! Come on, ref!

Hood: Quit whining, Smith! Lux is just using what’s available. If Tamika can’t handle a little roughhousing, she’s in the wrong place.

~With Tamika down, Lux climbs onto her, raining down forearms and elbows to her head. Zybala steps in, forcibly pulling Lux off of her~

Zybala: Enough of the cheap shots, Lux!

~Lux sneers, mocking Zybala as he backs away. He raises his hands, acting innocent, while the crowd boos.~

Smith: Zybala’s doing his best to keep this match fair, but Lux is making it difficult every step of the way.

Hood: Fair? This is wrestling, not a church picnic. Lux is out here to win, Smith!

~Lux turns his attention back to Tamika, who’s pulling herself up with the ropes. He charges, but she counters with a back body drop, sending Lux flying over the top rope! The crowd pops as Lux crashes to the outside~

Smith: Tamika with the counter! Lux is on the outside, and he’s not looking so cocky now!

Hood: Lucky shot! Lux just slipped—that’s all.

~With Lux outside, Tamika takes a moment to catch her breath. But Lux quickly recovers and jumps up onto the apron, looking to re-enter. As he steps through the ropes, Tamika hits him with a spinning heel kick, sending him sprawling back into the ring~

Smith: Tamika is on fire! She’s got Lux on the ropes, literally and figuratively!

Hood: [frustrated] This is ridiculous. Lux needs to snap out of this! Come on, man!

~Tamika grabs Lux by the arm, whipping him into the corner. She follows up with a running clothesline, then scales the ropes and starts pounding him with punches as the crowd counts along. Lux, dazed, slumps down, seated in the corner.~

Smith: The crowd’s on their feet! Tamika is giving Lux a taste of his own medicine!

Hood: [grumbling] She’s lucky Lux is letting her have this moment. It won’t last long.

~Tamika takes a few steps back, rallying the crowd, but as she approaches, Lux reaches into his boot, pulling out a hidden object. Zybala doesn’t notice as Lux slips it into his hand. He waits, timing it just right, and as Tamika reaches down to pull him up, he clocks her with the object, then hides it again~

Smith: Oh, come on! Lux just pulled something out of his boot! That was a cheap shot!

Hood: Stop crying, Smith. It’s called innovation! Lux is using his resources.

~Tamika stumbles, dazed from the blow. Lux sees his chance and lifts her up, placing her on the top rope. He climbs up with her, hooking her arm as he prepares his finisher~

Smith: No! Not this way! Lux is setting up for The Cure! This is dangerous!

Hood: [excited] Yes! This is exactly why Lux is a former champion. End this, Lux!

~Lux pauses at the top, grinning as he takes a moment to mock the crowd. He steadies himself, then drives Tamika down with The Cure—a Death Valley Driver off the top rope! The ring shakes with impact as Tamika crashes to the mat, motionless. Lux quickly covers her for the pin, and Zybala drops to count~

Zybala: [reluctantly] One… two… three!

~The bell rings as the crowd erupts in boos. Lux stands up, laughing, while Zybala glares at him, shaking his head in disappointment.~

Smith: Lux wins, but not without resorting to every dirty trick in the book. This was a robbery!

Hood: Robbery? That was perfection, Smith! Lux showed why he’s the best—he did what it took to win.

Smith: I'm sick

Hood: You need a tissue for your issue?

~Tamika chuckles.~

Tamika Strader: Couldn’t do it without cheating, eh? That’s ok. Not my first loss, not my last but appreciate you showing everyone what you need to do to win

Smith: I stand with you, Tamika!

Hood: Then why are you sitting down?

~Lux laughs at Tamika's remarks, then taps Mikey on the shoulder, Mikey turns around and gets clocked as well! Tamika goes after Lux but he quickly jumps out of the ring and walks up the ramp, facing the ring, laughing.~

Smith: It's my job. But if there's one thing you can say about the Straders. They never quit. This was a good tune up for Tamika as she sets her sights on O Holy Fight

~Tamika leans over the ropes and mouths “LDS” before turning over to Mikey to check him out.~

Tamika: You ok, Mikey?

~Lux then motions with his hands around his waist, which cause the crowd to boo even louder.~

Smith: Ugh. Guy just walks in here like he owns the place.

Hood: Maybe he does.

Smith: I don't know what that means. Alright...we've got time for one more match tonight everyone!

Hood: We got Glum's depressed corpse back there?

~Tamika heads to the back to catch up with her old employees and coworkers.~

~Who'Re, The Knife Man, and Cap Slock are all excited to greet her~

Glum: clown shrugs

Smith: it's Glum!!

Hood: The clown with the frown that wont' turn upside down!

~Derek Mobley takes the rope away from Glum~

Derek Mobley: Are you ready to compete tonight, Glum?

~Pulling a bottle of whiskey from his pocket, Glum tosses the cap off and downs a large gulp. He lays it down and looks back at Derek~

Glum: clown sigh

~Derek does some stupid gesture with his hands~

Derek Mobley: Send out the clown! And by that I mean send him to ringside. Now we just need an opponent.

Smith: Who is going to challenge Glum??

~Glum appears behind Smith and reaches into his ear before pulling out a long rope. He begins to tie it into a noose as he shrugs again. A single tear falling down his face painted… face.~

~Smith casually snags the rope and throws it into the crowd~

Smith: It's Glum! C'mon everyone the guy is depressed enough as it is. Somebody take him up on his challenge and beat him up

Glum: clown sob

Smith: Glum...may I call you Glum?

Glum: clown nod with a tear

Smith: what would it mean to you to win the OCW Craze Title?

~Glum wipes a tear.~

Glum: It would mean I wouldn’t always be alone.

~Smith clutches at his heart. Hood rolls his fuckin eyes~

Smith: Well tell ya what, Glum. We'll give these frightened wrestlers backstage another 6 or 7 minutes to face you. If they don't...then I know just the person for you to face

~Glum pulls a balloon and blows it up. He ties it intricately with precision before showing it. It’s a snake… no folds or knots. Just a long straight balloon~

~Smith claps aggressively and urges the fans to join in. They all clap along~

~He hands it to Smith, but when he lets it go it deflates like Glums ego every time he wakes up~

Glum: clown tears

~Smith looks at the pathetic, deflated balloon~

Smith: That's okay, Glum. It could happen to anyone

~Glum looks at the camera and a Blue chew ad pops up. A tear falls as he turns back to Smith~

???: EVERYONE Shut the hell up!

Smith: Is that?

Hood: I think it just might be.

Smith: We haven’t seen him since Triad.

???: MY NAME IS ANTHONY MANCINI.

Smith: It's Anthony Mancini!

Hood: Oh shit...the mafia boss from TRIAD

Mancini: It seems to me that there is a severe lack of fortitude here. Are none of you man enough to step up? Fine. Glum. I’ll be your huckleberry

Smith: Mancini is challenging the entire roster. But is he man enough to face Glum?

Hood: We've got a match!

Smith: Our main event is Anthony Mancini against Glum!

Glum: I hate you, but I hate everyone so don’t feel important.

Mancini: It must be hard being you. I get it. No one loves you. No one wants you around, but the really cruel joke in all of that is, you can’t even get the job done. Try and try as you may, but you always come up just short of seeing the white light.

Mancini: You’re essentially a toddler. Always trying to k*ll yourself, but again, they sometimes succeed. Whether it’s choking on a grape, or a careless parent isn’t paying attention by a pool. The sadness is you want to be like them, but you can’t. I don’t know if it’s because you’re incapable or if you really just like the attention. It’s like you’re a girl who cuts themselves, not to feel something, but to get the attention. Well clown, you’ve got my attention but you’re not going to like it.

Glum: It’s not my fault! I try and I try and I always fail. I’ve failed my whole life, but you know what’s worse than failing at ending it all? The doubt that everyone has that I can accomplish something.

Glum: I’ve failed at everything in life. I failed in TRIAD, I failed at running my own show, I failed at being a birthday party clown, I failed at being a wrestler. I am a failure. So what do you think you can do that I haven’t already done?

Mancini: I walked into Triad an unknown and left with my head held high. The only way you’re leaving anywhere with your head held high is if you grow a pair and finally kick that chair out from under you with that hangman’s noose. But you’d probably fuck that up too. Probably tied the wrong knot.

Glum: You see these scars? pulls up sleeves to show burns and cuts and bruises I CANT DIE! I am like the Terminator, but I never chose this life. All I want is an end, but I am stuck at the beginning in an eternal loop.

Mancini: What can I do that you haven’t? Actually make people see real tears from a clown. It’s all fun and games when you want it to happen, but when I’m in control, you’re not going to like it. I’m not kind. I won’t end it for you. I’ll let you live your pathetic life like always and your come back begging me. ‘Sir can I have some more.’

Mancini: oh you can die, despite what you say, you don’t want to. A liar is always a liar… even to themselves

Glum: So you think I care about your success? You think I care about your head being held high in the air? I don’t. You’re another toolbag with an inflated ego. But you know what’s in that bag Tim the Toolman Taylor? A really tiny hammer. Everyone tries to “grow a pair” and make themselves seem big and bad, but the wolf had asthma in the end.

Glum: Now bend over and cough while I tie this knot.

Mancini: The wolf didn’t think ahead. I do. So watch as I huff and I puff and I knock your shitty house down with a fucking wrecking ball.

Glum: A liar I am not, but a failure is what I am.

Smith: It's the Alpha Male versus the Depressed Clown. Who will prevail? Time is running out!

Glum: This isn’t a fairy tale… we’re not in Kansas anymore Toto.

Glum: And I will ride the wrecking ball butt ass naked like Miley Cyrus, tears running down my face as I do.

Manicni: And you’re still living, so I guess your fairy tales ends tonight, when I put your weak ass to sleep.

Glum: Crushing your hopes and dreams… clown.

Glum: clown tears

Mancini: The only dreams are the ones you fail to comprehend.

~Tamika storms out of Mobley’s office.~

Tamika: That’s my partner?! Am I paying for my daddy’z sins?!

Anthony Mancini (0-0) vs. Glum (0-0)

~Scene: The OCW Arena is alive with a mix of boos and laughter as Anthony Mancini, the ruthless mob boss, squares off against Glum, the sad clown. Mancini stands confidently in the ring, sneering at Glum, who looks forlorn as he half-heartedly honks a squeaky clown horn. Mike Zybala, the special guest referee, claps in encouragement for Glum. Smith and Hood are at the commentary table, ready for the action to unfold.~

Smith: [sympathetic] Ladies and gentlemen, here we have Glum, the saddest man in wrestling, up against Anthony Mancini, the mob boss who will stop at nothing to get what he wants.

Hood: [laughing] Oh, please. This is gonna be a massacre, Smith. Mancini’s gonna mop the floor with this pitiful clown! Glum’s got the energy of a wet sock.

Smith: Glum may not be the most enthusiastic competitor, but he has heart. And with Zybala’s support, who knows? Maybe he’ll surprise us all!

Hood: Zybala should save his pep talks. This is a wrestling match, not group therapy.

~The bell rings, and Mancini doesn’t waste any time, charging straight at Glum. Glum fumbles with a sad-looking bouquet of fake flowers he tries to toss in Mancini’s direction, but they fall flat before they even reach him~

Smith: [cringing] Oh… Glum tried for some clown antics, but that didn’t quite work.

Hood: [cackling] That was pathetic! Glum couldn’t entertain a brick wall, let alone stop Mancini!

~Mancini takes advantage, leveling Glum with a hard shoulder block that sends him crashing to the mat. Glum rolls over slowly, looking up at Zybala with a sad, defeated expression. Zybala kneels next to him, patting him on the back and giving him some encouraging words~

Zybala: Come on, Glum! You got this! Believe in yourself!

~Glum nods half-heartedly, pulling himself to his feet with a slight sigh.~

Smith: Zybala trying to help Glum find some confidence here! He’s a good man.

Hood: Good man, bad referee. Mancini should demand a real ref who doesn’t moonlight as a motivational speaker.

~Glum, with a little boost of encouragement, attempts a juggling trick with three colorful balls. But he drops them all within seconds, one bouncing straight into Mancini’s face. The mob boss glares, unimpressed, before grabbing Glum and throwing him into the corner~

Smith: Oh, Glum trying to bring some levity to the match… but it’s not going well.

Hood: Levity? That was an embarrassment! If Mancini’s anything like me, he’s already had enough of this clown show.

~Mancini lays into Glum with stiff punches in the corner. He lifts Glum up, yelling in his face as Glum looks away, almost embarrassed to be in this predicament. Zybala steps in, trying to keep Mancini from completely demolishing Glum.~

Zybala: Back it up, Mancini! Give him some space!

~Mancini smirks, holding his hands up, backing away before delivering a cheap shot elbow to Glum’s midsection. Zybala glares, clearly unhappy.~

Smith: Come on! Mancini with the cheap shot! That’s just low.

Hood: Low? That’s called efficiency, Smith. Glum’s just in over his head.

~Glum stumbles forward, and Mancini grabs him, pulling him into a crushing bear hug. Glum’s face is a mix of pain and sadness, his eyes half-shut as he weakly slaps Mancini’s back. Zybala looks on in concern.~

Smith: Glum is in real trouble here… he just doesn’t have the strength to compete with a brute like Mancini.

Hood: You’re absolutely right, Smith. I think Glum’s career is flashing before his eyes… all ten miserable seconds of it!

~Zybala claps his hands, shouting encouragement to Glum. The crowd begins to clap along, willing the sad clown to fight back. Glum, visibly surprised by the support, starts to raise his arms, fighting out of the hold by slapping Mancini on the sides with renewed, albeit feeble, effort. Mancini eventually lets go, shoving Glum back~

Smith: Look at that! Glum’s showing some life here!

Hood: It’s like watching a turtle try to run a marathon. He’s doomed, Smith.

~Glum, with a determined but weary expression, attempts to perform a cartwheel. He stumbles halfway through, landing flat on his back. Mancini doesn’t even wait—he steps in and stomps down on Glum, sneering as he stands over him.~

Smith: Oh, that didn’t go well… but Glum tried, and that’s what matters.

Hood: Tried and failed. Let’s get the “participation trophy” ready. Mancini hoists Glum up, preparing for a big slam. But Zybala steps in, giving Mancini a stern look.

Zybala: Hey, ease up, Mancini! Show some respect in there!

~Mancini rolls his eyes at Zybala’s interference and ignores him, slamming Glum down with a spine-rattling powerbomb. Zybala looks horrified as Glum lies on the mat, barely moving.~

Smith: Mancini with that vicious powerbomb! Come on, that’s enough!

Hood: Enough? Mancini’s just getting warmed up! This is great!

~Mancini, feeling he’s got the match in the bag, looks down at Glum and laughs, mocking his opponent’s misfortune. He kicks Glum’s clown shoes, taunting him as he paces around.~

Mancini: This is what they give me? A sad clown? Pathetic!

~Zybala clenches his fists, clearly fed up with Mancini’s attitude. He kneels next to Glum, gently encouraging him.~

Zybala: You can do this, Glum! Just one big move!

~The crowd begins cheering, and Glum slowly gets to his feet, shaking his head in sadness but with a glimmer of resolve. He throws a weak punch that barely makes contact, and Mancini smirks, mocking him. Mancini grabs Glum and sets him up for his finisher.~

Smith: No, not like this! Mancini’s going to finish Glum off!

Hood: Good! Put the sad sack out of his misery!

~But just as Mancini prepares to strike, Zybala spins him around and—BAM!—nails him with a superkick out of nowhere! The crowd explodes in cheers as Mancini crumples to the mat, completely stunned.~

Smith: ZYBALA WITH THE SUPERKICK! Mancini’s down!

Hood: WHAT?! That’s blatant interference! Zybala should be fired!

~Zybala, ignoring Hood’s outrage, quickly drags the dazed Glum over to Mancini and places him on top. The crowd is roaring as Zybala drops down and makes the count.~

Zybala: [loudly] ONE! TWO! THREE!

~The bell rings as Zybala raises Glum’s hand in victory. Glum looks confused but faintly pleased as the fans cheer for him.~

Smith: GLUM WINS! Against all odds, Glum pulls off the victory, thanks to Zybala!

Hood: This is a travesty! Zybala just stole that win for the clown! Mancini was robbed!

~Zybala helps Glum to his feet, patting him on the back and holding his arm up as the crowd chants for the sad clown. Glum looks around, almost smiling through his usual sadness, while Mancini rolls out of the ring, furious.~

Smith: Look at Glum! He’s finally got something to celebrate! This may be the happiest we’ve ever seen him.

Hood: I’m sick to my stomach. This was supposed to be Mancini’s night, and that clown robbed him! I’ll never forgive Zybala for this!

Smith: Sometimes, Hood, the good guys win, even the ones who could use a little help. And tonight, that’s Glum. Congratulations to him on a well-deserved victory!

~As Glum, still looking somewhat perplexed by his victory, makes his way up the ramp with Zybala, the crowd showers him with applause, and he gives a small, shy wave. Mancini watches from ringside, fuming, as the fans continue celebrating Glum’s win.~

Smith: I'm sure there will be talk about what took place in tonight's main event

Hood: This is why we can't have nice things, Smith. Fuckin Zybala

Smith: Regardless...somehow, some way Glum gets to 1-0 and is tied with Lux and LCP!

Hood: WEAK ASS BOOKING

Smith: And that's a wrap for the first ever Monday Night Craze! L.C.Pinkston Glum and Xavier Lux lead the way! Will they continue to dominate next week or will a new challenger emerge?

~Paco comes out of Derek Mobley's personal bathroom with relief sketched all over his face.~

Paco: Phew, what did I miss? Where my boys?

~Mobley turns around~

Derek Mobley: The hell. Dude...tell ODJ he can put me in the Hall of Fame. Any day now

~Paco steps back into the bathroom slowly and closes the door.~

Derek Mobley: Geezus. Get the Knife Man in here. We're gonna need to install a new toilet

Smith: Thank you all for participating in the inaugural Monday Night Craze! We'll see you all next week for more impromptu action!

Helena:....Needs MOAR OTTERS

Smith: Huh? Was that former Craze #1 Contender Helena Handbasket?!

~Glum sits on the floor and thinks about what just took place. Hes won. A victory in the main event of the first ever episode of Craze! Glum looks up, he might just smile, but then he just looks back down and starts to cry. Why? Didn’t he win? Wrong victory.~

Glum: clown shrug

~Our show comes to an end with a still shot of Glum’s sad face. We fade out~