"Episode 1B - The Beginning Continued"
Pearl Islands Tuesday, June 9th 2018
~When last we left the three tribes, they were journeying on different paths towards their destination campgrounds. These will be their homes for the foreseeable future. Amazingly, none of the tribes got lost on their way, showing the great craftsmanship of the maps they used to navigate the jungle island paradise… of course, there were also guides with GPS devices, signs all along the clear-cut trails, barricades to keep them from going off-course… but, yeah, the maps were a huge help as well.~
THE GREEN TRIBE
~The shot shifts to a few views of scenic spots here in the Pearl Islands. All are beautiful but remote and empty of any signs of life. We focus on a shot of the jungle, as Matt Meyhu steps through onto the beach. He moves to the side, followed by Ed Houston. Sammy 3.0 and Zane Zamota are moving slower, heading to the side and taking a seat under the shade. It's a pretty hot day here, after all. The Uber Man is the last one out of the jungle, but he is all smiles, happy with how the trek went.~
Uber Man: Yay! Hi everyone! I'm sure we're going to do great together! ~Uber Man runs and jumps into the water on the beach, flapping around.~ Uber Man: HOORAY FOR TEAM UBER! ~Meyhu turns and looks back at the strange man in the water who has become his new teammate.~ Matt Meyhu: Weird dude... We're definitely the Meyhu Tribe, right? ~Uber Man, returning from the water, confidently pokes his finger into Meyhu's chest.~ Uber Man: Look here, kiddo, we both know I'm a true American hero. Plus, I'm more green than you. Therefore, the Green Tribe is the Uber Tribe. Team Uber. Hashtag Uber For Life. Whatever you wanna call it. I'm the captain now, Meyhu. ~Using two fingers from his other hand, Uber Man points to his own face, before turning away defiantly, walking back towards the ocean.~ Uber Man: You build a shelter fit for five. I'll be fishing for food. ~Uber Man then trips over the sand, sprawling on the ground. Ed Houston walks up to where he's fallen, looking down at Uber Man before glancing back at Meyhu.~ Ed Houston: Man I'm all for relaxing but maybe we should get a shelter built, and then worry about a team name. Can't put a sign on something that doesn't exist. I think there's some wood over here. ~Houston motions further inland of the beach. He starts to head over there, collecting some wood. Uber Man is working to get himself out of the sand pit he himself has caused, while Meyhu just shakes his head and gets back to work. Both Sammy 3.0 and Zamota just watch from the shade, showing no interest in getting involved just yet.~
Uber Man: Yay! Hi everyone! I'm sure we're going to do great together!
~Uber Man runs and jumps into the water on the beach, flapping around.~
Uber Man: HOORAY FOR TEAM UBER!
~Meyhu turns and looks back at the strange man in the water who has become his new teammate.~
Matt Meyhu: Weird dude... We're definitely the Meyhu Tribe, right?
~Uber Man, returning from the water, confidently pokes his finger into Meyhu's chest.~
Uber Man: Look here, kiddo, we both know I'm a true American hero. Plus, I'm more green than you. Therefore, the Green Tribe is the Uber Tribe. Team Uber. Hashtag Uber For Life. Whatever you wanna call it. I'm the captain now, Meyhu.
~Using two fingers from his other hand, Uber Man points to his own face, before turning away defiantly, walking back towards the ocean.~
Uber Man: You build a shelter fit for five. I'll be fishing for food.
~Uber Man then trips over the sand, sprawling on the ground. Ed Houston walks up to where he's fallen, looking down at Uber Man before glancing back at Meyhu.~
Ed Houston: Man I'm all for relaxing but maybe we should get a shelter built, and then worry about a team name. Can't put a sign on something that doesn't exist. I think there's some wood over here.
~Houston motions further inland of the beach. He starts to head over there, collecting some wood. Uber Man is working to get himself out of the sand pit he himself has caused, while Meyhu just shakes his head and gets back to work. Both Sammy 3.0 and Zamota just watch from the shade, showing no interest in getting involved just yet.~
THE BLUE TRIBE
~We see the five members of the Blue tribe walk out of the jungle to their tribal area. Annie Alvarez, The Incredible One, Detective Jack Puffer, Chad Vargas, and Anthony Wentz spread out and explore their ‘living quarters’. Almost immediately, Wentz disappears back into the jungle for unknown reasons, as the rest go to work.~
The Incredible One: Back again on Survivor... new year, new me, new tribe. Hi everyone! I guess first things first, we need a shelter, and a fire would be good too.. also, a tribe name. Any suggestions on that?
Detective Jack Puffer: Sounds good, TIO. Is that Italian? Strange name, reminds me of GIO. Anyway...I just would like everyone to know that - yes, I am a detective. I have solved many, many cases. So do not fret. I will find whatever it is we need. We need wood for a shelter, am I right? Great, I will go fetch some wood.
~Puffer walks off, passing several downed trees made of plentiful wood in search of wood. TIO notices the same pile of wood and tries to tell Puffer about it, but he had already wandered off, looking for more. TIO surveys the rest of the area, and starts digging a little hole to where the fire pit could go. He brings rocks around, forms a circle, and starts gathering small branches to help light the fire. Alvarez steps into view, surveying her new team mates.~
Annie Alvarez: Hey guys. How's it been? ... Let's figure out a name and get to work... why is Puffer leaving already?
~One cameraman is follows, as Puffer is stumbling around in the somewhat thick foliage surrounding the beach. He's got his back to the ocean. He bends over and snares a tiny, wimpy twig. He places it under his arm next to several other tiny, wimpy twigs. He pauses, removes the twigs from under his arm and scans them over using his detective skills.~
Detective Jack Puffer: Hmm...yes, I see. Tie these together and they will be strong as a metal post! It's not the size of the dog in the race it's the size of the fight in the hound. And I have instincts like a bloodhound. Hey...what's that noise?
~Puffer hears the surf, amazingly, for the first time. He turns around, dropping his dozen or so twigs.~
Detective Jack Puffer: Well I'll be! The ocean!! Look at what I have found! Wait until I tell the others!!
~A female voice clears its throat. Puffer turns to find Annie looking at him...with the rest of the tribe nearby, in camp.~
Detective Jack Puffer: Oh...there you are. I thought my investigating had taken me further than it had. Some tricky woods out here. Everybody should be very careful.
~The camera pans back to the jungle. Anthony Wentz is still nowhere to be seen. We go back to camp, where The Incredible One, while working, spots Chad Vargas, and takes a moment to speak with him.~
The Incredible One: Hey Chad, listen, I know you and I had a rough go at it last year, with both Survivor and the wrestling. So I'm hoping a clean slate while we're out here? Let's kick some ass and win us some challenges.
~Vargas looks around at his surroundings. Last time he was here, he told Jock Reasoning to GET FUCKED. And quit Survivor. Final 6 is a tough act to follow, but grateful for Pryde allowing him to return for season 2. Looking at his tribe, he is somewhat happy with his tribemates. Jack Puffer is never off the clock, Annie Alvarez is probably the most attractive woman in professional wrestling of all time. Anthony Wentz is a mystery. And then of course, TIO. Vargas looks TIO up and down, nodding at his comments.~
Chad Vargas: Lets win some challenges. Bygones be bygones, for now! Have y'all given any thought on what our tribe name should be? Chad Vargas and the Bayonets perhaps?
~The good detective, JACK PUFFER observes Chad Vargas. He ponders a name for their tribe.~
Detective Jack Puffer: A name, you say? Hmm, let's see here... Sand...Sassy Sand...no, no. Sky! Skilled Skyfliers..no, no...TREES...Terrifying Trees. hmm, that one is pretty good...but I can do better... Impending Wrath...wait is that a name or something I should be concerned with... Green...Green Goblins? Red...Red Robins...what do you guys think huh?
Chad Vargas: We're BLUE, idiot.
~Chad points at their flag and, more importantly, it's color - BLUE.~
Detective Jack Puffer: I've got it...how about the Blue Barracudas!!
~Puffer looks around for a show of support. He gets none. Undaunted, he proceeds on in his quest to discover a name.~
Detective Jack Puffer: That's okay, everyone! I will discover this name in no time!
~Puffer goes back to pondering, while The Incredible One and Vargas, smirking at each other, go back to work on assembling the camp. Alvarez is already doing some gathering, prepping from what she learned on the last Survivor. Wentz is still missing in action, and no one seems to have noticed as of yet.~
THE RED TRIBE
~Unlike the other tribes, you can hear the red tribe approaching through the jungle. Apparently Harold "The Headliner" Jones has been telling jokes throughout the trek. He's telling another one as the tribe makes their way onto the beach.~
Harold Jones: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, and Christine Taylor get stranded on a deserted island. After a while they realize that they are stuck on this island and naturally things happen between the men and the woman. This goes on for about a year when Christine, feeling really bad about having sex with both Ben and Owen, and kills herself. Ben and Owen are sad. But again after a while nature takes its course. And again about a year later the boys feel really really bad about what they're doing... so finally they decide to bury Christine.
~There are some chuckles from a few of the other tribe members as they start to look around their territory. Kalinda immediately heads over to the jungle's edge. Julliet Brooks is already near the beach, possibly having walked on ahead while the rest were listening to Harold's jokes. Curt Canon & Checkers step to the side, looking at the sky, while The Lost Soul rubs his stomach, which is already growling (a bad sign this early in the game). He looks towards the others.~
The Lost Soul: What is there to eat around here?
~Just then, Julliet comes back into the frame, with crabs in each hand. She sets them down on the ground and waits for the other members to feast on them.~
Julliet Brooks: Dinner is served.
Curt & Checkers, hearing this, turn and hurry over to see what Julliet has brought.~
Curt Canon: Dinner! I love dinner......but Crabs, I hate crabs. What else ya got?
~Kalinda, who had been out in the forest for a while, returns to the camp, apparently with new minions to work on chopping down wood and building up the camp.~
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: I hereby claim this territory for the Most Awesome and Unholy Church of Arimetheon, Lord of Dark Magic, Demons, Devils, Death, The Undead, and Stringed Instruments.
~Kalinda turns back to the watching tribe members, who are now all paying attention.~
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: I will feed you. I will house you. I will clothe you. All you need do is swear your fealty to Kalinda Kriegsdottir, the Necromancer Queen, on pain of a dire curse should you attempt to betray me! For the duration of this event, of course. So, who wants to be an evil minion?
~While the other wrestlers just look over at each other, confused, Curt & Checkers look towards the crabs and gag in disgust. They nod to each other in agreement and walk over towards Kalinda, asking her about a case of Miller High Life and a hamburger buffet.~
The First Day
~We see Mike Zybala aboard the ship that is taking him to Exile Island. As the ship nears, Zybala looks around and notices a nearby volleyball and grabs it. He then spies a conveniently placed Sharpie marker and draws a face on the volleyball. He then tosses the marker to the side and looks at a nearby producer.~
Zybala: So let me get this straight. Until someone gets exiled, I'm gonna be all alone except for the cameras around the island?
Producer: Yup. All alone.
Zybala: So no Welsh bitching about my ideas, no wrestlers complaining about everything, nobody at all?
Producer: That IS the definition of all alone, yes.
Zybala: (smiles) Glorious. Taking this knife!
~Zybala grabs a nearby knife, (all this convenient stuff around, huh?) holds tight to the volleyball, and dives into the water. He swims the short distance to the island and walks upon the beach. He looks around and takes a deep breath and exhales, then shouts loudly.~
~Zybala starts to walk about the island. He heads into the forest and notices a large, thick branch. He puts down the volleyball, picks up the branch, and starts carving a tip into it using the knife he stole. After a while, he gingerly touches the newly sharpened point on the branch and satisfied with the sharpness, hurls the knife into the forest. We hear an animal shriek out in pain. Zybala looks worried, grabs his spear and volleyball, and heads in the opposite direction.~
~The clips show Zybala adjusting to life on Exile Island, while also reading the scroll he was given and beginning the search for an immunity idol. He spends the day doing some exploring, finding a burning fire stack and camping out there. He is shown taking to the ocean with a spear, and after numerous tries, manages to catch a fish and brings it back to the fire. He then proceeds to have a conversation with the fish, who apparently is magical (although no actual speech is heard). Zybala opts to eat the fish and absorb the fish's magical powers that way. After the meal, Zybala leans against a tree and is in the midst of a discussion with the volleyball, which is propped up on a makeshift stand made of twigs & vines.~
Zybala: And so the last two people become our new tag champs. What do you think?
Zybala: It's not a dumb idea. You just have to think outside the box.
Zybala: The fish wasn't a bad idea either! It probably just takes a while to absorb the magic...
Zybala: Well, that's rude! I didn't become commissioner just for you to shoot down every idea I have, Marcus.
Zybala: At least I'm trying my best!
Zybala: (GASP!) How Dare!!!
Zybala: You know what?!? Fuck you, Welsh!!
~Zybala picks up his spear and hurls it at the volleyball. It hits the volleyball dead on and the fun beach toy starts to deflate. Zybala looks on in horror as he realizes what he has done. He runs over to the now flat former ball and picks it up. He cradles it to his chest screaming to the heavens that he's sorry. The heavy, serious music plays under it, as a producer is clearly trying to make the moment as dramatic as possible.~
The First Challenge
~We leave Exile Island and find ourselves back at the various tribes, where the work has (sort of) continued. The atmosphere of each jungle camp is shattered when “Dangerous” by Within Temptation begins to play. All of the tribe members turn to look as the brush is cleared out of the way, allowing Pryde to walk out into the camp. He turns behind him and does a cutting motion across his throat, violently, and the stereo is shut off, bringing us back to peace and quiet. Pryde shakes his head for a few seconds, grumbling under his breath about the stupid contract he had to sign, then steps forward, clearing his throat.~
Pryde: Hello there guys and gals. I hope you’re getting yourselves settled in. I know the first few nights can be the worst, until you get everything set up so at least it’s not complete torture sleeping on the ground.
~Everyone nods, says their sarcastic comments, etc. We're switching rapidly from tribe to tribe, showing that this speech was given at all of the locations.~
Pryde: You’ll be pleased to know that the other tribes have it much like you do. Even with the scattered experienced competitors, it still feels like a brand new trip through this game, doesn’t it? But I’m pleased to say that most of you appear to be dealing with it just fine. Except for Zybala. He might be going insane. Or he might have been already crazy. Hard to say.
~Pryde shrugs his shoulders and leans back against a tree, fishing a coin out from his jeans pocket. He starts absentmindedly flipping it, as he looks out at the small group of wrestlers before him.~
Pryde: So how’s the name selection going? Not easily, I’d wager. It must be tough, finding a name that everyone can agree with, especially when you feel like it’s really not that important. Right? I mean, I assume that’s why you don’t have one chosen yet. It just doesn’t seem like a big deal. The only problem is… you’re on Survivor. That makes pretty much every situation a big deal.
~Pryde catches the coin in mid-air, turning it and rolling it across his knuckles. All those days spent practicing for his role as Harry The Horse in Guys & Dolls are truly paying off! The coin is flipped in the air one more time and brought down on the back of his hand. Pryde takes a look at what side it fell on, lets out a small chuckle, and puts the coin away. He finally turns back to the anxiously awaiting wrestlers.~
Pryde: Here’s the thing, boyos. If you don’t have an official tribal name, and I mean OFFICIAL, agreed upon by a majority of your tribe, by this time tomorrow when the first challenge begins? That’s going to mean a penalty. After all, if you think about it, this is really your first challenge: to work together and choose a name. Make it a good one. Or else tomorrow, you guys might just be starting out the challenge behind your fellow opposition.
~Pryde looks around ominously at the wrestlers, then laughs and steps back.~
Pryde: But hey, I know you have some work to do. Get yourself a meal if you can, start a fire if you can, maybe even party the night away. It’s the Pearl Islands, right? It’s all on you. See you tomorrow.
~Pryde turns and walks through the leafs. The music starts to play again, but is abruptly cut off.~
THE GREEN TRIBE
What's In A Name?
~We go first to the green tribe, watching as Pryde departs into the jungle. Meyhu is the first to speak.~
Matt Meyhu: Thanks for stopping by, Chaotic! Man, that guy has really matured... Alright, let's get down to it. Serious suggestions only. Hey, new guy. A new guy 2.0. You're awfully quiet over there. Throw a name out there! Ed and I will get this shelter built.
~There is no response from Sammy 3.0, who has yet to move since reaching the beach. Maybe the sand isn't good for the android's gears? Ed Houston grabs some large branches and carries them towards a clearing. One of the branches hits him in the head causing a spaced out smile. Houston shakes it off after a moment. He yells behind him.~
Ed Houston: Green Monkeys gets my vote. Plus we can probably get a guard monkey on the roof as a sign. Think about it team...
Uber Man: Okay, serious suggestions only... I think the perfect name for our tribe, considering everything, would be the "Green VIPs". I think it's the best tribe name we can think of. It works on so many levels.
~The Uber Man watches as Houston and Meyhu begin building shelter.~
Uber Man: Okay... Ya'll keep doing that. I'm going to keep fishing for food...
~Once again, the Uber Man trips over the sand on his way to the beach. He spits out the sand in his mouth and looks back at Houston and Meyhu.~
Uber Man: Okay, look... I know I'm not the best tribe-mate... But at least I"m trying! Where are Zamota and Sammy? Huh?! At least I'm here! ...the Green VIPs.... the Green VIPs... That's our tribe...
~As Ed puts the finishing touches on the small little grass hut and gives it a pat.~
Ed Houston: You know I do kinda like the Green VIPs, its kinda out of this world.
Matt Meyhu: Let's put a little local flavor in there! Verde instead of Green.
~Zane Zamota finally comes over, having been observing everyone at work. Sammy 3.0 still hasn't moved.~
Zane Zamota: Verde VIPs... I like it! I'm all for a good alliteration. Now, how do I help with this shelter thing?!
Ed Houston: Verde VIPS has quite the ring to it. Let's add it to the sign?
~Houston reveals a large slab of wood with a smile on his face. The work continues on building up the living quarters, as the time gets closer to the upcoming tribal immunity challenge.~
THE BLUE TRIBE
What's In A Name?
~Upon Pryde's departure, Puffer pulls out a wimpy twig. These things seem to be drawn to the good detective. He starts drawing in the sand. We can't make out what he's drawing...it's pretty much gibberish. But he's going 90 miles an hour. Totally dialed in. He finishes and sits back, surveying the sandy equation.~
Detective Jack Puffer: I think I've got it! By Jove...I think I've solved this complication. Hmm, okay...so The Incredibly Dirty Confederate Detectives! Yea...that's the ticket. Hey, guys!
~The first person to turn his way is Annie, causing Puffer to go back to the drawing board with a curse.~
Detective Jack Puffer: Hmm...okay, easy fix. The Incredible Dirty Confederate Detectives...with Annie!
~TIO glances over at Puffer.~
The Incredible One: I do like how you put incredible first in all those names. Cheers, Puffer.
~TIO stops to think for a moment as a thought lights up in his head.~
The Incredible One: How the hell did Pryde get his theme music to play? Was someone in the back holding a goddamn boom box?? Anyways.. a name... hey, why don't we call ourselves something local. I read before coming out here the biggest island of the Pearls is called Contadora. It means to count the pearls... yeah I think I like it.
Detective Jack Puffer: Contadora works for me! I mean I was going to suggest Pearl Necklace but for some reason when I mentioned it to Annie she just laughed. It's a mystery to me! My vote is for Contadora...now, if you'll excuse me...I'm going to solve the msytery of the jungle boom box!
~Puffer makes a WHOOSH sound as he hops to the case.~
Chad Vargas: "WEAK ASS GAME SHOW HOST haters club" that's what we will call ourselves! Who is this fuckin guy anyway!? Wins one fuckin survivor game dude thinks he's something special. TYRANT! What if we choose to NAME ourselves BLUE tribe what then, smart ass!? And all this time I thought jock reasoning was a pile of shit! This is gonna be a longgg season on this rock. Good thing I'm a BAD ASS! Oh, and Pryde.... Fuck Zybala!
~Pryde is already long gone, but Vargas goes on one of his long winded tirades at no one in particular, perhaps making his tribe mates a little uncomfortable. Eventually, Vargas looks at TIO, and then Annie.~
Chad Vargas: Yep. Cuntdora whatever the fuck you said works for me. As long as it Ain't no gay shit.
~It's still only four people at the camp, as Anthony Wentz has yet to reemerge. Puffer goes off to search for him, but changes his mind after deciding that he'll get more notoriety for solving Wentz' murder if Vargas kills him. The rest of the tribe gets ready for the competition.~
THE RED TRIBE
What's In A Name?
~We cut to the first reactions from the red tribe after Pryde's announcement.~
Harold Jones: Fuck.
Curt Canon: Wait Pryde come back....it's the Blue Barracudas....We are the Blue Barracudas. At least I think we are?
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: No! Bad!
~Canon gets splashed by multiple shots of water.~
Harold Jones: Ummm... so... how about Espiritu? It sounds tribey.
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: It sounds like the newest subcompact coupe from Hyundai. No. We don't want to sound tribey. We want to sound awesome, intimidating, badass, and utilize a name to strike dread into the hearts of our foes. Who's going to go 'Oh shit, look out it's Espiritu!'
~While the tribe name discussion continues, Julliet nods then grabs the alcohol and finds a bush to lay on and enjoy it. An Orangutan comes from out of nowhere, sits on her chest as she pours the drink down the animal's throat then having a chug herself afterwards, picking up her head to look at the others then from out of nowhere the big furry creature takes the drink out of her hands and runs off with it. She quickly chasing it.~
Julliet Brooks: Come back with my drink you son of a bitch!
~As Julliet runs off, Canon dries himself off.~
Curt Canon: Well that was rude....but refreshing. And I think you are right...my friend and former tag team partner and former OCW Tag Team Champion James Vorex drives one of them Esparutas.
~The fierce debate continues on the name of the tribe, with little ground being seen between Curt Canon and Kalinda Kriegsdottir. There is definitely tension, as Canon shows no sign of wanting to give up the name "Blue Barracudas", while Kalinda wants "The Church of the Most Awesome and Unholy". Kalinda goes as far as to curse Canon, while Harold does his best to lighten the mood with some jokes (which are mightily enjoyed by Checkers). In the meantime, The Lost Soul has stayed asleep in the shade, possibly starving due to his last comment.~
Harold Jones: How about compromise? Unholy Blue Barricudas?
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: It contains the words "blue" and "barracudas" with the added sin of not only being decidedly not awesome but also ruining the alliteration. It is, in fact, worse than the original suggestion. If you are so adamant on having a tribe name with the word "blue" in it, we can be the Blue Dragons.
~As time ticks by, the tribes members continue to argue. While it seems like the majority agrees to one name, there would be a switch, and the majority then agreed to another name. But nothing was being locked down. Finally, it was time to head off for the challenge.~
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: So Tribe Most Awesome and Unholy, the Blue Dragon Tribe, or A Tribe Called Quest. Which one is it gonna be folks? We've got only a limited amount of time before the challenge.
~The response is muted, as everyone is tired of fighting. Eventually, the tribe is ordered to head to the challenge grounds, and reluctantly heads out.~
The Second Day
~We return quickly to Exile Island to see how Zybala is doing. He's currently sitting with a repaired volleyball, singing songs with him about hunting food and wanting magic. This has been edited out for the sensitivities of our viewers.~
Zybala: Yes, we can stop singing. My throat is getting a bit scratchy.
Zybala: It's called holding onto some hope Marcus. Maybe it just takes a while for the magic to work.
Zybala: I get that I ate the fish yesterday. It just might take a day or two for me to absorb the magic.
Zybala: And who the fuck made you the expert of magic?!
Zybala: I read all the Harry Potter books too, and I'M not pretending to be an expert. I'm just making guesses.
Zybala: Ha Ha. Real mature.
Zybala: You know, I'm getting real sick of your shit Negative Nancy.
Zybala: Don't tempt me. I just may stab you again.
Zybala: That's not true. I don't ALWAYS resort to violence...
Zybala: You son of a bitch!
~Zybala drops the volleyball and kicks it. It rolls along the forest floor before hitting a tree and bouncing a few times before settling with its "face" facing the tree. Zybala gets outraged.~
Zybala: How dare you turn your back on me while we're having a discussion!
~Zybala raises his spear and is about to throw it, but he stops himself. Zybala takes a deep breath and looks at the volleyball.~
Zybala: Violence isn't the answer. We shall settle this like gentlemen. We shall settle this in a battle of wits.
~Zybala then produces a Yugioh Duelest Kingdom arena game, from who knows where (likely a producer), and plays a game with the volleyball. The volleyball wins. Zybala is crushed, having lost to a volleyball, but an orangutan appears and steals the volleyball, causing a chase. We cut away, having seen enough of the craziness of Exile Island.~
TRIBAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE #1
~All of the tribes have arrived, some faster than others, at the challenge location. Pryde is there, waiting impatiently, wanting to get this show on the road. He gets them lined up, then walks to his position, taking a moment to force himself into a better frame of mind.~
Pryde: Alright, guys and ladies, it’s time for our first Survivor Tribal Challenge of Season 2! You all know what’s at stake today. At least, you think you do. Of course, if you’ve done the math, you should realize there’s a little something different about to happen.
~The tribes watch attentively as Pryde looks at each group in turn before continuing.~
Pryde: You see, there are three tribes. Only one of these tribes is going to be making the long trek to tribal council and sending a member home this weekend. But, hey, where’s the thrill of competition if you’re one of the top two? Clearly, you need something to compete for. And I’ve got some gear you might be interested in.
~Pryde turns and nods, and a cover is pulled off of a pile that was stacked nearby. Underneath, you can see all sorts of supplies, which elicits a gasp of excitement and happiness from the wrestlers when they see it.~
Pryde: We’ve got bedding. We’ve got cots. We’ve got blankets, pillows, and other items that can add to the comfort of your sleeping, and make you all a lot more refreshed. Also, you see there on the top, there’s a large tarp that can be set up to help your tribe. It could be used to fortify your shelters, give you a secondary place to dodge the rains that you know are coming, or just used for whatever your tribe feels best. It’s all up for grabs for the tribe that gets the highest score tonight. Worth playing for?
~We get a couple of loud Yes’s shouted from behind the ones standing in front, which gets a laugh from Pryde. He knows what it’s like, sleeping on uneven ground and hoping you can keep the bugs off of you long enough to get some shut-eye. Not to mention the rain storms.~
Pryde: Alrighty then. Are you ready to hear what we’re doing tonight? Well, first off, let's take care of some business. Blue Tribe, care to tell me your new tribe name?
The Incredible One: We are now known as the Contadora Tribe. It means to count the pearls.
Pryde: Interesting. It's not the island we're on, but whatever, it's got a nice Survivor flair to it. Green Team, what's your new tribe name?
Matt Meyhu: Our tribe name is...
Uber Man: It's Verde VIP's!! Because we're VIP's!!
~Both Meyhu and Pryde stare at The Uber Man for a few seconds.~
Pryde: Alright, moving on. Red Tribe, what's your tribe name?
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: Tribe Most Awesome and Unholy!
Curt Canon: Blue Barracudas!
Harold Jones: Blue Dragons.
The Lost Soul: They're all shitty.
Julliet Brooks: Damn.
~Pryde starts shaking his head, annoyed at the inability to settle on a name.~
Pryde: Work it out amongst yourselves, then, RED Tribe. But just to let you know, you've now gained a penalty for tonight's challenge. Let's get to it.
~Pryde gestures behind him, where a series of targets have been set up. One line of targets are fairly close, while the second line are further back. In the set-up area, there are boxes that are apparently filled with different-sized axes. Each tribe has a section set up for them. The tribes move over, with the more adventurous starting to pick up axes to test them out.~
Pryde: Today, we're starting things off with an oldie-but-goodie. You see, your tribes haven't been the best at coming together as a unit yet. All of you have some struggles to get past, from absent teammates to utter dysfunction. So for your first challenge, we decided we'll take the teamwork portion out of it. We've got two rounds of axe-throwing set up. Three of you will go at a time. For the first round, best throw wins a point. The second round, once you've had time to practice, best throw wins two points. It's so simple, I shouldn't even have had to explain it. But I did. Just remember, these axes aren't toys, and The Knife Man is waiting in case one of you cuts your toes off.
~Vargas immediately yanks an axe away from a surprised Puffer. Similarly, Kalinda is keeping the weaponry away from both Canon & Checkers. The Verde VIPs tribe is just staying back, as The Uber Man is contemplating doing some axe juggling to show off his power.~
Pryde: Alright, line up! Let's get to throwing! I'll... be over here...
~With Pryde a good twenty feet away, each tribe lines up before the first, closer targets. The first three are Curt Canon, Detective Jack Puffer, and Zane Zamota. All three start off with decent throws, but Puffer's lands the closest to the bulls-eye, surprising everyone.~
Pryde: Nice throw, Detective!
Detective Jack Puffer: Yeah, it was!
~The second group is The Incredible One, The Lost Soul, and The Uber Man. TIO lines it up and throws a perfect strike down the center of the bullseye, stepping back with confidence after the hit. The Uber Man, seeing it, steals himself up and launches a powerful throw... that hits high. The Lost Soul, meanwhile, is still apparently starving and has no energy, as his first toss doesn't reach the target.~
Pryde: Already starting to look like a runaway, as Contadora gets the first two points!
~The first round continues, with Ed Houston taking down a point for Verde VIPs over Chad Vargas & Harold Jones. Kalinda Kriegsdottir gets the Red Tribe on the board with a great toss, as her competition (Anthony Wentz & Sammy 3.0) both had trouble even hitting the target. Finally, Annie Alvarez took another one for Contadora, even though it took some measuring to ensure that Alvarez was closer than Matt Meyhu's strike. Julliet Brooks' toss was a miss.~
Pryde: Alright, so after the first five throws, Contadora is leading with 3 points. Verde VIP's isn't out of it with 1 point. The Red Tribe only made up their lost penalty point, but anything can still happen. The targets are twice as far away, so this next round is worth twice the points. Let's see those throws!
~After saying that, Pryde hurries further away, even as the closer targets are quickly removed by brave men. The tribes line up again. This time, Meyhu really focuses himself and launches his axe in a perfect line, scoring it right near the bullseye. Canon, a bit intimidated by the throw, hands the axe to Checkers, who does a mad spin that has everyone ducking furiously for cover. But when Checkers releases, the axe flies down the field and lands right in the bullseye!! Unfortunately... it was Anthony Wentz's target, not Canon's. Checkers still celebrates, and Canon celebrates with him. Wentz, looking back at Pryde, shrugs, and Pryde shrugs back.~
Pryde: That's two points for Verde VIP's, and we're all tied up 3-3! Red Tribe needs to hit some shots to get in this!
~The next group is The Incredible One, Sammy 3.0, and Kalinda Kriegsdottir. Sammy 3.0 still isn't moving much, so suffice to say, no competition there. Kalinda is busy chewing out her team for their poor performance, as The Incredible One steps up and nails the target once again. Hearing the thud, Kalinda turns back, sees the axe, and hurriedly throws her own, but it's slightly off-target, giving the point to Contadora.~
The Incredible One: Great job, Kalinda.
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: Goddammit.
~Next up is Alvarez, Jones, and Zamota. All three threw beautifully, and it's a tense moment as the measurements have to be done for all of them. But in the end, Alvarez and Contadora Tribe are awarded the points, giving them a big lead. Next up, Vargas, Uber Man, and Brooks faced off, with Vargas and Uber Man both hitting the board, while Brooks' sailed off behind it. Vargas was slightly closer, to the extreme frustration of Uber Man. Meanwhile, Kalinda continued to steam.~
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: When I suggested Dragon Superiority and the Dead Weight as a tribe name, that was not a fucking command to suck, people. And also clown.
Pryde: With Vargas' win, this one is now a blowout, as Contadora now has 9 points! Verde VIP's has second locked up with 3 points, and the Red Tribe, aka Blue Dragons, aka other names, is still at the bottom. One more meaningless toss to go!
~The final trio are Detective Jack Puffer, Ed Houston, and The Lost Soul. Out of pure pride, Houston throws another brilliant strike, splintering the target. The Lost Soul can't even manage to pick up the axe, dropping it back to the dirt. Puffer, meanwhile, decides to celebrate the clear victory for his tribe, throwing the axe wildly into the air and cheering. His tribemates don't join him, as they're busy running and diving for cover. The axe falls an inch away from Pryde's foot as he was walking up to congratulate the winning tribe. He stares at the axe, and then glares at Puffer, who is looking up in the air, as if trying to contemplate where the axe might have come from. Pryde sighs, pulls up the axe, and faces the tribes.~
Pryde: The victory goes to the Contadora Tribe! Collect your winnings and head back to your camp, you have nothing to worry about. Second place goes to Verde VIP's. No prizes for you, but you also get to keep all your members. Blue Dragons, I was willing to entertain a debate about your penalty after the game. But unfortunately, it would not make a difference at this time. You now have until tomorrow to prepare for Tribal Council, where one of you will be going home. See you then.
~The Contadora tribe members celebrate and begin collecting their supplies, excited over the chance to have a covered, comfortable sleep tonight. They also throw some insults towards their competition. The Verde VIP's look a little bummed to have come up short, but at least are relaxed. The Blue Dragons, though, appear ready to turn on each other, angrily arguing as they head away from the challenge area.~
~The tribe returns from an impressive debut at the first challenge. Contadora confidently destroyed both tribes, and in doing so are safe and earned all of the reward. TIO, carrying the tarp, places it down at the shelter.~
The Incredible One: Just have to say, excellent showing guys. We all scored at least once for the tribe, with the exception of Wentz. But you know Wentz, we all did this tango last year, so you'll get used to it. Time to make our place a little more roomy!
Detective Jack Puffer: Yes...great job, everyone! I probably didn't ingratiate myself with the other tribes by high stepping into the endzone there at the end...but oh well...such is the life of the good detective.
Chad Vargas: Good win y'all! Puffer, I've got a job for you. Can you find me a case of Bud heavys? There's... A 10$ bill in it for you should you produce.
~Puffer shows some interest in the challenge of finding Bud Heavys, as Annie helps TIO get their camp situated. One thing she is happy about is not having to deal with Curt and his spunky monkey this season.~
Annie Alvarez: Don’t let your heads get too big guys.
~She looks around and notices that it’s probably a lost cause.~
Annie Alvarez: I think this season will be just as much of a team effort as an individual one. We have to promise to stick together and not make deals with other people... *she glares at some of her tribe mates* so that we can all get to the end with our group in one piece. Then we can tear each other apart.
Who Falls First?
~The mood is completely different at the Blue Dragons camp, as the tribe is dejected from a heavy defeat that will send one of their own home soon enough. Kalinda tromps back from the challenge both smug because she was the only member of her tribe that wasn't completely useless, but also pissed off because (of course) they lost. But it's not like she hadn't been prepared for this eventuality.~
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: So, lady, gentlemen, and clown. I'm the only one of our lot that managed to score a single point during that disaster. I'm also the only one of us that has any sort of experience living in this fashion. If you want to live in comparative luxury to those other assholes, it'll be in your best interest to keep me around.
~Kalinda takes a seat, looking back at the rest of the tribe. One person, in particular, has her attention.~
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: The way I see it, as the only dissenter to Tribe Most Awesome and Unholy, Pierrot there cost us a point, and he's done basically fuck all for the tribe except sit there sniffing his finger the whole time we've been here. So even though the rest of you trod water and scored the tribe a collective no points, The Lost Soul actually cost us a point, making him the obvious albatross around our collective neck.
~Having made her statement, Kalinda turns away, seemingly set on how she's going to vote. The Lost Souls then appears, walking around naked, seemingly lost and confused.~
The Lost Soul: Wait? This is real?
~He walks away, as Canon can be seen shielding Checkers' eyes. Mercifully, we leave the shot behind.~
The Third And Final Day
~The screen flashes the "OCW SURVIVOR" logo before cutting to the live feed from the cameras. We can see Exile Island's lone human inhabitant, Mike Zybala, clutching his trusty spear in his hands and he runs through the forest. For those that don't remember, just look above this post (gasp! Fourth wall break). Zybala continues to chase after the orangutan, who he can't see, but can hear the taunting monkey noises it makes. After a few minutes of running, Zybala steps foot into a clearing among the trees. He sees the orangutan standing at the opposite side of the clearing, holding the volleyball with one hand and pulling the knife out of it shoulder with the other. Zybala also notices other orangutan standing near the trees surrounding the clearing. One of them grabs a few leaves and starts munching on them. It them grabs a bigger leaf and goes over to the one with the knife and spits the leafy wad onto the knife wound and presses the whole leaf over the wound. It then backs away as the knife orangutan makes a "bring it" gesture towards Zybala with the non-knife hand.~
V.B.:............Zybala: No shit it wants to fight. I gathered that much.
~The knife orangutan makes the gesture again, more impatient this time. Zybala looks eyes with it before dropping his spear to the side, then pounds on his chest with his fists while letting out a loud yell. The surrounding orangutan start getting antsy and making monkey noises. They know it's on. The one with the knife contemplates Zybala for a moment before it drops the knife and pounds its own chest and shrieks. Zybala doesn't back down and charges towards the orangutan, who charges forward as well. Zybala cocks his arm back for a punch, but the orangutan, with its 6 and a half foot arm span!! manages to connect with its own hit to Zybala's head, knocking him down. It's starts making sounds of triumph as Zybala shakes is head and makes his way to his feet.~
V.B.:..........Zybala: Because I didn't expect his reach to be so long! Why didn't YOU dodge when he kidnapped you?
V.B.:..........Zybala: That's a weak ass excuse. First Dean-o and now this. I think you LIKE being kidnapped.
~The orangutan charges at Zybala and goes for a swing, but Zybala is ready this time as he ducks under the long arm, driving his fist into the stomach of the primate, following it with an uppercut to its jaw. The monkey staggers back and shakes it's head a little before is shrieks at Zybala and hopping up and down.~
V.B.:...........Zybala: How the fuck do I know what it's saying? I don't speak monkey.
V.B.:..........Zybala: I only speak volleyball because you're a voice in my head!
~The orangutan takes advantage of Zybala being distracted. It's puts it's hands on the ground, pushes itself forward and plants both feet into Zybala's chest. Zybala flies back a few feet from the force of the blow, landing on his back. He slowly gets back to his feet, gasping for air. He glares at the orangutan and runs at it. The orangutan takes another swing but Zybala leaps in the air and brings both fist down on top of the monkey's head. The monkey stumbles back and counters with a hit to Zybala's midsection, doubling him over. The orangutan then raises both of its fist high and brings them down hard across Zybala's back, not unlike the move Zybala just did. Zybala is writhing in pain in the forest floor. The orangutan starts hooting and making other monkey noises, probably gloating.~
V.B.:..........Zybala: No shit I'm losing. God, where's Curt when you need him? He could understand these guys.
V.B.:...........Zybala: Really? You think that would be helpful?
V.B.:...........Zybala: How would it be more helpful than trying to rescue you?
~Before Zybala can get an answer, the orangutan grabs him and drags him to his feet. It swings back his arm and attempts a punch, but Zybala ducks and lifts up the orangutan, dropping it with a hard spinebuster! He gets up and kicks the monkey a few times before looking at the volleyball.~Zybala: What was that?
V.B.:..........Zybala: Yes I used a wrestling move against an animal.
~Zybala glares at the volleyball and points at the orangutan, which is slowly getting to its feet. Zybala sees this and kicks it's in the chest, knocking it down again. He then turns his attention back to the volleyball.~Zybala: It's look pretty fucking effective to me!
V.B.:..........Zybala: Well, I don't see you do anything except being a weak ass hostage!
Zybala: "Weak Ass Faggot?!?" That's fucking it!!! I'm tired of you always putting me down, Welsh!
~Zybala stomps towards where the volleyball, but the orangutan he was fighting gets in his way, ready for more. Zybala leans right into the monkey's face a screams "MOVE!" and the monkey cowers out of the way with its head hung low. On the way to the volleyball, Zybala stops and picks up the knife. He then lunges at the volleyball and starts stabbing and screaming. We can't see much, as Zybala's body is blocking the camera view. The orangutans are looking on curiously and finally Zybala stands up, but he has the volleyball over his head. He has fashioned it into a helmet/mask, cutting eye, nose and mouth holes where he drew the face on the volleyball. He then looks at the crowd of orangutans and goes over to the one he fought.. He leans over and stares right in the confused creatures eyes. Zybala take two of his fingers and points them at his eyes.~
Zybala: Look at me! I'm the Welsh now! I am in charge! (he then stands up and looks at all the surrounding orangutans) Kneal before Welsh!!
~Surprisingly, all the orangutans bow there heads in submission, as if Zybala has assumed the role of the alpha male. The camera zooms out, showing us to be further away, towards the beach. To the side, we see Pryde conferring with some of the producers.~
Pryde: He's really gone off the deep end, hasn't he? Think it's safe to take him off the island? We could just... say he had an accident... and send him home...
~One of the producers leans in and talks quietly to Pryde, shaking his head. Pryde looks a little frustrated.~
Pryde: Really? Good TV? That's our decision-maker? *sigh* Fine. Yo, Zybala! Hey! KING OF THE APES!!! Yeah, you. Come over here, it's time to head to tribal council!!
~Zybala smiles and walks over to the crew, still wearing his volleyball mask. The orangutans watch him go, hooting a few times towards him.~
~We arrive at the special tribal council area. As usual, it's dark, with the five tribes members making their way around to the special benches to sit. Pryde is there, nodding to them as they come in. Zybala is also there, although he seems preoccupied to the side by whispering something to the volleyball mask he's holding in his hand.~
Pryde: Before you take a seat, since this is your first visit here, please pick up your torches and dip them in the central fire pit. The fire on your torch represents life on the island. You do not want that fire to go out. Once it is extinguished, your time in the game will be over.
~Each tribe member solemnly lights his or her torch. Surprisingly, everyone appears to be treating this moment as a serious event. Even The Lost Soul has put back on his clothes.~
Pryde: So let's talk about your tribe. Do you have an official name yet?
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: Yes, we did. We decided that we are either the Tribe Most Awesome and Unholy or the Blue Dragons.
Curt Canon: Are you absolutely sure we're not the Blue Barracudas?
Harold Jones: And not the red jaguars?
~Kalinda starts to angrily rise towards the two men, but Pryde gestures quickly to get her to sit back down.~
Pryde: Look, guys, when I set up this 'challenge', I really didn't expect it to be this hard. You're a tribe. You need to learn to work together. That might explain why you're here tonight. So let's just say it now: you guys are now the Blue Dragons. Okay? Lock it in.
~The tribe eventually nods, one by one, agreeing with the decree. That's one problem out of the way, at least.~
Pryde: Alright, with that out of the way... Kalinda, tell me about tonight. From what I hear, you have some pretty strong feelings about who should go home.
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: My choice to be voted off is The Lost Soul. He's the weakest link on our team. He has done literally nothing to help the tribe, and his opposition to the name of Tribe Most Awesome and Unholy actively hindered us and gave us a negative point in the first challenge.
Pryde: To be fair, I don't think The Lost Soul can take the full blame of the problems with the name. I'd say that falls on pretty much the whole tribe.
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: But rather than something like getting some food, gathering some wood, attempting to lighten the mood with humor, or raising a small army of darkness. Well, it's only five undead minions plus me right now so according to traditional military assignments it's a Section of Darkness. ANYWAY! Instead of doing something useful he spent the entire day sniffing his finger.
~Intrigued, Checkers hops away from Curt and goes to TLS, sniffing at his finger. He turns and leaps back away again, apparently wishing he hadn't.~
Kalinda Kriegsdottir: He's not funny, he's not scary, he's not sad, he's just... boring and sits there. He's a disgrace to all of clownkind. And for being a shitty clown and a shitty tribemate he deserves to go home.
Pryde: Strongly said. So, TLS, as a legend of pro wrestling, do you have a rebuttal for Kalinda?
The Lost Soul: What a long, strange trip it's been...
Pryde: Right... okay then. But you've clearly been struggling this year, thanks to a surprising reaction to the lack of food. IF not you, who do you think should be going home?
The Lost Soul: Only one person has kept this team from being unified. It's the babe who starts with a K.
Pryde: Interesting... Curt, my old ally, how are you doing?
Curt Canon: I'm doing great, Pryde! It's great to be back in the jungle with Checkers and the Blue Barracudas!
~Pryde rubs the front of his mask for a second, takes a breath, and then continues.~
Pryde: So what do you think it's going to take, Curt, to get the BLUE DRAGONS working together as an actual tribe?
Curt Canon: I think tonight's going to help bring us together. I'm looking forward to working with Zybala!
~Curt waves over at Zybala, who waves back... with the volleyball mask.~
Pryde: Moving on... Harold, you've been the comic relief in your tribe, but the tension is still there, keeping people from working together. Any thoughts on how to improve that after tonight?
Harold Jones: You know they say that all tribes are created equal, but you look at our tribe and you look at the other tribes and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another tribe, you have a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a comedic freak and Kalinda isn't normal! So you have a 25% chance, at best, to beat us. Then you add in that other tribe to the mix, and your chances of winning go down drastically.
~Zybala is leaning over towards the group, listening intently, trying to follow everything.~
Harold Jones: See at the next Immunity Challenge the other tribes have a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but we have a 66 2/3 chance of winning. Because the Green Tribe knows they're not going to beat us and they won't even try. So take the Blue Tribe's 33 1/3 chance, minus our 25% and you have 8 1/3 chance of winning the next Immunity Challenge. But then you take our 75% chance of winning, if it were a two tribe contest, and then add 66 2/3 percent, and we have 141 2/3 percent chance of winning the next Immunity Challenge.
Harold Jones: See Pryde, the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for everyone else at the next challenge.
~A few other tribe members are nodding their heads enthusiastically. Pryde is just stunned, staring at Harold for a long period of time.~
Pryde: That makes... nope, not going to touch that. Thanks, Harold. Finally, Julliet. You've been one of the quietest members on a very boisterous tribe. Any final thoughts before we get to the vote?
Julliet Brooks: No, I think I'm good. I managed to get back my drink from that dirty orangutan son of a bitch.
~Zybala stands up straight at hearing this, looking aggravated at the statement. He reluctantly sits back down, though, at a glare from Pryde.~
Pryde: You know what? I think that's enough talk. It's time to vote! Remember, you can vote for anyone besides yourself. Make it good.
~One by one, we see the different tribe members make their way to the voting area. They write out their answers and fold up the notes, depositing them in the urn. We focus on one guy in particular, Harold "The Headliner" Jones, as he writes his note and turns towards the nearby camera.~
Harold Jones: Why was the clown sad?
~He pauses for a second, and then shows the name "The Lost Soul" scrawled on his parchment.~
Harold Jones: Because he was voted off the island.
~We next see The Lost Soul signing his sheet. It takes him a minute, trying to figure out the strange spelling, but he finally writes a passable version of "Kylandada".~
The Lost Soul: It should all end... tonight...
~The Lost Soul puts the vote away and sits down. Everyone has voted now, as Pryde looks them all over.~
Pryde: I'll go tally the votes...
~Pryde spends a few moments back near the urn (probably rearranging the votes to make sure it's as dramatic as possible) before stepping back over to the tribe.~
Pryde: Once these votes are read, the decision will be final, and the eliminated loser, I mean tribesperson, will be brought forward to have their torch extinguished. Here we go...
Second Vote - Kalinda Kriegsdottir
Fourth Vote - And The First Person Eliminated - The Lost Soul
Pryde: TLS, sorry, man, but please bring me your torch.
~The Lost Soul nods, not too surprised. He pulls himself up, taking his time to walk over to Pryde.~
Pryde: TLS... the tribe has spoken.
~The torch is put out. The Lost Soul turns back for a moment, staring at the wrestlers who just voted him out, before heading for Ponderosa, where all the eliminated wrestlers will be staying. Pryde watches him go before continuing.~
Pryde: Zybala, I know you've been impatiently waiting. Join your new tribe. Blue Dragons? Find a way to work together, because otherwise, I might be seeing you back here in a few days. Get going.
~Kalinda is quick to move in front, leading the Blue Dragon Tribe out of the tribal council area. They're carrying their torches, with Zybala having gotten his own flame to carry with him. The camera zooms out, as we watch their departure, before the credits start rolling over top.~
- Will the Cantadora tribe continue to work as a strong cohesive unit, or will the heavy-duty personalities of the group begin to show cracks? Can an alliance between Chad Vargas and The Incredible One last?
- Can the Blue Dragon tribe find a way to finally work together, especially with a crazy addition like Zybala? And will Zybala reveal what happened on Exile Island?
- Will the Verde VIP's start getting more out of their members, some of whom have barely participated up to this point? And who will fully take charge, Matt Meyhu or The Uber Man?
- Who will be the next wrestlers to make their way to Exile Island, for a chance to search for an immunity idol? Is an idol still there to find?
- Will Pryde quit the show and go and get drunk at a nearby tropical bar? Or will the iron-clad contract he had to sign keep him here, reluctantly doing his job?