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OCW Presents: BOXING DAY PILEDRIVER
December 26th 2022
FROM: OCW ARENA & STUDIO
Key West, Florida

~The OCW Arena is packed this Monday for the very special edition “Boxing Day” Piledriver. A many of stereotypical Florida men, women and Imperial Probe Droids are in attendance tonight, some are dressed as the Furrie they identify the best with, grown men wearing adult diapers, of course, some connoisseurs of the finest bath salts fellatio can buy and people with alligators on leashes, but KNUX and MAD MAX were on top of getting those whack jobs out of the arena. The arena lights dim down as yellow, black, and white lights flicker about the venue to the rhythm of “Tush” by the trio known as ZZ Top plays throughout. The guitar stylings of Billy Gibbons vibrates through everyone and everything. The OCWTron comes to life, giving us an image of SYNN creeping out the Commissioner and of Dylan Thomas with a blank stare, not listening to his closest allies. We then get Crash Rodriguez betraying Paramount to become a Bastard and fellow Bastard, Nickleman, scoping out future IKEAs. Bourbon is showing smashing PIC with a wrench in the head while Thunder Knuckles flips off the crowd and HaVeN being HaVeN being hard to read (see what I did there?). Next, we have Shane Donovan outlasting many others at the Rumble, only to be screwed over by Scott Syren but earning his Paradigm shot nonetheless. Harmon Egan being helped to his feet by his manager Corey Smith followed by Sahara winning her Paradigm championship. Then it’s Mike Zybala announcing he was putting his career on the line to for the OCW Championship, The Big Bifford winning the Rumble in the Bronx to the OCW Champion holding his black leather, ruby encrusted gold plated OCW Championship belt. We pan around the arena to some of the signs in the crowd.~

THESE BATH SALTS ARE MAKIN’ ME HUNGRY
WHAT THE FUCK IS BOXING DAY?THIS IS ‘MURICA!
HEY SYNN I HAVE SOME ALMONDS FOR YA
DID WELSH DIE? IS HE A QUALITY CHICKEN SANDWICH?
POONLIGHT TOES
SEND FEET PICS
YOU SUCK DONKEY BALLS OCW RADIO

~The camera comes and pans down to ringside to the commentators desk where Hood and Smith sit looking excited for the evening.~

Smith: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a very special Boxing Day Piledriver! I’m Smith! And with me as always, is the ornery Hood!

Hood: I’m not ornery, you bitch.

Smith: Right…

Hood: Listen I rather be drunk at home right now instead of drunk and at work.

Smith: We don’t always get what we want.

Hood: Thanks, Sherlock.

Smith: We have two big matches for you tonight! After the the first segment from the Commissioner and Knifey we will have Bobby Bourbon, Donnie Harris and SYNN competing in a triple threat! Then at the end of the night, Moonlight Rose will be taking on XWF legend, Dolly Waters!

Hood: The Bastards are one thing, as was Thad, but there are far to many XWF’ers coming in here.

Smith: They just want to be a big part of the OCW machine! Anyway! Ready to go in the OCW Studio right here in the arena, Victoria Strader and The Knife Man have kicked Cheasy out the place we make him stay everytime we go away!

Hood: Classic OCW, baby!

~ The OCWTron lights up for the arena crowd, and for the home viewer the broadcast moves to the studio itself. Victoria Strader in a sharp green suit and black turtle neck smiles for the camera and the Knife Man’s hair on his mask is slicked back and is in a very nice Tuxedo with his trusty KNIFE stabbed into the black desk that is reminiscent of a Morning show on a fancy pants network with the Piledriver banner in the centre of it, and what is most likely a green screen behind the two, but it is displaying the OCW HWTSD logo on a red and black background.~

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Victoria Strader: Welcome to a very special edition OCW Boxing Day Piledriver! With me tonight is a close friend, a fantastic mechanic, an excellent medic and only gynacologist I would ever let keep my vaginal health at the highest level as well as the hardest working employee I have… The Knife Man!

TKM: Thank you very much, Vee. It means a lot to me that said, and like former OCW TransAtlantic Champion, Vodka Black, says… whether it is your scooter or your cooter, you are good hands with The Knife Man!

Victoria Strader: That’s right. So as Smith and Hood told everyone, we have two very special matches tonight but the main attraction is to hype the matches for OCW’s Premium Live Event, Hardwired To Self-Destruct!

TKM: We are going with Premium Live Event?

Victoria Strader: Why not? It pisses off the neckbeards and that’s my Christmas to myself.

TKM: Makes sense to me! So our opening match on New Year’s Eve is OCW’s A-Lister Dylan Thomas and OCW Newcomer SYNN!

Victoria Strader: That’s right, Knifey!

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Victoria Strader: Dylan Thomas has the heart of a champion, being a former Craze and Savage Champion and he hopes to gain a chance to reclaim the Craze Championship brought to heights it hasn’t seen in years from the former champion Tamika Strader and current champion Harmon “Harmony” Egan.

TKM: A year ago at Death March December 5th, 2020, Dylan was unsuccessful in retaining the Craze Championship, and former owner as well as former General Manager, Marcus Welsh, tried to make that up to him giving him a shot at the TransAtlantic Championship but was unsuccessful in his attempt to dethrone OCW’s greatest TransAtlantic Champion in Veronica Strader!

Victoria Strader: That’s right, but he did take down OCW Hall of Fame member, The Hoot Queen herself, Alice Knight, to win the vacant Savage Championship at Big Game Hunting. He wasn’t able to get past Marvellous Mike Mason for a shot at the OCW Championship but what Dylan has the most of over every other member of the roster is heart. You knock him down, he gets right back up, dusts himself off, kisses his gorgeous wife and gets right back at it. Unfortunately for Dylan, he was placed in a match with a guy whose inner child is overweight and lives at home with his parents cause he is a lazy and creepy twat, with our current OCW Champion, PIC, and wasn’t able to hold onto the now retired Savage title.

TKM: And on the other side of the ring is SYNN. She’s come into OCW to clean the place up starting with The Nickleman and the Brotherhood of Bastards. You had a chance to meet with her one on one a couple times.

~Victoria gives The Knife Man a blank glare, but it turns to a smile after a couple seconds.~

Victoria Strader: That’s right I did. I first met her when she signed with OCW but I got to know her even better when she showed up at my office to let me know her plans of taking the women’s division by storm, which I corrected her that we aren’t stuck in 1998, and how she wanted to clean up the Bastards. This won’t be an easy match for Dylan to get through as SYNN is very talented and she will make her mark in OCW History.

TKM: Speaking of which, it’s time for Bobby Bourbon, Donnie Harris and SYNN in a special attraction triple threat!

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Smith: Hello again fans! As you can see, all three competitors are in the ring, and waiting to get started!

Hood: Yeah, and SYNN is being all weird over in her corner, Smith.

Smith: She is just unique and one of a kind!

Hood: She is odd man, just like that Hoot Broad.

Smith: You will not talk shit about Alice! Anyways, looks like Cuff is about to call for the bell!

~ DING DING DING ~

~ Bourbon throws a haymaker that connects with Harris sending him down to the mat hard and the only two standing now is SYNN and Bourbon. Harris is up quickly though diving at Bourbon with an MMA takedown into a Lou Thesz press and he begins to pound away at Bourbon's temples with fury. SYNN hits the ropes delivering a running dropkick that sends Harris through the ropes and to the outside. SYNN picks up Bourbon to a vertical base and begins to pepper him with lefts and rights until he is in a corner. SYNN looks behind her to make sure Harris isn't behind her before Irish whipping Bourbon into the opposite turnbuckles. Bourbon reverses the whip and SYNN is sent careening to the corner. Bourbon goes to charge at SYNN, but Donnie has grabbed his foot from under the bottom rope. Bourbon stomps down on the hand, but Donnie manages to release the foot just in time. Bourbon turns back to SYNN, but is met by a spear to the ribs. The force of the spear sends Bourbon through the ropes into the waiting arms of Donnie Harris. Harris catches Bourbon in a full nelson and slams him down to the thin mat at ringside.~

Smith: A lot of action so far here, Hood.

Hood: With only two matches tonight, it fucking better be, don’tcha think?

~SYNN gets up from the spear that she gave Bourbon and is standing in the ring alone, as Cuff begins the mandatory ten count. SYNN hits the opposite ropes and rebounds with a leap over the top rope taking Donnie Harris down with a suicide dive into a bulldog that slams Donnie's head face first into that thin padding. SYNN rolls off of Donnie and looks down at her handy work when she is grabbed from behind by Bourbon. SYNN's eyes go wide as she is spun around and Bourbon slams a fist into SYNN's midsection doubling her over from the force. Bourbon delivers an uppercut to the bent over SYNN which causes her to stumble then fall over the downed Donnie Harris. In the ring, Cuff has gotten up to a count of two. Bourbon steps over Donnie towards SYNN. Donnie grabs the ankle of Bourbon once more, halting his progress for a second time in this match. Cuff has gotten to a count of "Three" inside the ring. Bourbon stomps down on the hand, but once again Donnie releases the ankle but punches the back of Bourbon's knee sending him down to the padding. Donnie rolls over to his knees delivering a right jab to Bourbon's jaw, Bourbon delivers a slow but deliberate punch to Harris's jaw. Meanwhile, SYNN has gotten up to her feet and climbs to the top turnbuckle, these two competitors only have fury for each other and intend on causing as much damage as they can to each other before one or the other kills the other person. SYNN leaps from the top rope with a cross body taking out the two men. SYNN rolls Donnie into the ring and begins to go to work on the OCW newcomer.~

Hood: Come on Bobby! Don’t let that whacko out do ya.

Smith: She is simply taking out the competition.

Hood: he has to know that crazy wench is coming for the bastards. I put her on the same level as that evil Hoot broad.

Smith: I love Alice.

~SYNN pulls Donnie up to his feet Irish whipping him into the ropes as Harris returns, SYNN nails him with a running STO that takes him down to the mat. SYNN pulls Donnie back up delivering a picture perfect neckbreaker to Harris's neck that takes him down to the mat. SYNN hooks Donnie up in a Tazmission, making sure to pay special attention to the neck area of Harris since she has decided to focus there. Bourbon rolls into the ring, he prepares himself by hitting the ropes. SYNN has her back to That No Good Bastard as Bourbon runs at her delivering a big boot to the back of SYNN's head causing her to release the submission hold. Bourbon picks up Donnie Harris by the neck and punches his face slowly and deliberately as it forces him back into the corner. Bourbon grabs Harris in a wristlock and climbs to the top rope and rope walks there with Harris's wrist in his grasp. Harris pulls on the arm and Bourbon is crotched on the top rope. Harris bounces the top rope multiple times, causing Bourbon more pain, before he falls towards the inside of the ring. Harris with a clothesline sends Bourbon back outside of the ring to the ringside area. Harris looks down at Bourbon before turning his attention to the charging SYNN. Harris duck his head just in time to back body drop SYNN over the top rope. Wait! SYNN skins the cat, old school style, and slides in under the bottom rope behind the unrealizing Harris. SYNN spins Donnie around delivering a right hand, Harris ducks under the blow hooking SYNN in a modified chicken wing submission. Harris pulls the wildly kicking and struggling SYNN to the center of the ring as Bourbon makes it to his feet on the outside of the ring. Bourbon climbs up to the apron and Harris sees him just in time and drops SYNN in the center of the ring. Harris charges at him, but Bourbon throws a well-aimed right hand that catches Harris right in the throat. Cuff warns Bourbon about that sort of blow, but Bourbon glares at Cuff with the depths of hell in his eyes or somethingcool like that cause he’s a Bastard. Bourbon goes through the ropea as Harris is still struggling to breath in the bent over position. Bourbon grabs Harris by the throat, pulling him to a vertical position before lifting him into the air. Bourbon slams him down to the mat with a delayed chokeslam before hooking the leg and making a pin. Cuff is there in position.~

1!

2!!

3NO!

~SYNN with a stomp on the back of Bourbon's head.~

Hood: SYNN screwing over Bobby.

Smith: She wants this win, Hood.

Hood: Yeah but it’s Bobby’s man. Go Bastard Go!

Smith: Go SYNN Go.

Hood: We need a third to be an asshole for Harris.

~ Bourbon rolls off of Donnie and Stares with fire in his eyes at SYNN; for her part, SYNN is not backing down as she leaps at Bourbon. That No Good Bastard grabs SYNN around the throat and slams her down as well with a chokeslam ontop of Donnie and kicks her off him. Bourbon covers Donnie once again.~

1!

2!!

KICKOUT!!

~ Cuff indicates that it was less than an inch away from a three, but Bourbon pays no attention as he pulls Donnie up to his feet. Donnie with a boot to the midsection of Bourbon and a high knee lift to That No Good Bastard. Bourbon is stunned as Donnie kicks him in the top of his head. Bourbon stumbles backwards but Donnie charges with a single leg takedown but catches him just in time to put a knee under his ribs and turn Bourbon so that he falls on Donnie's knee. As Bourbon contacts Donnie's knee, he gives out a loud grunt of pain and rolls onto his front clutching at his ribs trying to rub away the pain. Donnie grins sickly as he hoists Bourbon up into an abdominal stretch. Donnie delivers a clubbing forearm blow to the stretched ribs and Bourbon grunts from the pain. Donnie lifts his free arm up into the air, dropping an elbow into the ribs as well.~

Hood: Harris with a big advantage as he works on Bourbon's ribs.

Smith: But That No Good Bastard can absorb a tremendous amount of pain. Probably from alcohol and drugs.

~SYNN is back up though bounces off the ropes with a dropkick connecting with the back of Donnie's head taking him down on top of Bourbon. SYNN works quickly as she whips Harris into the ropes taking him back down with a scissor kick. SYNN is moving quickly before Bourbon has a chance to regain his feet. SYNN with a forearm to Donnie sending him towards the ropes, Donnie counters with an arm drag takedown into a chicken wing submission on the mat, but SYNN is in the ropes and Cuff is there to break the hold. Donnie refuses to break the submission so Cuff is forced to begin the count. He gets to four and a half before Donnie breaks the submission hold, having caused some damage to SYNN's shoulder and elbow. Donnie pulls SYNN up to her feet peppering him with some stiff forearm shots to the face and side of her head; he looks at Bourbon and sees him about to get up to his hands and knees. Donnie runs over to Bourbon kicking him on the side before diving at the escaping SYNN with a shoulder tackle. Donnie is moving quickly, knowing that if Bourbon regains his feet once more, he'll have to contend with two people. Donnie goes to hook in a dragon sleeper and trying to turn it into a another move but SYNN catches him a school boy roll-up ala Lost Soul and Cuff is there with the count.~

1!

~ Bourbon sits up his head turning to see the rollup by SYNN.~

2!! ~ Bourbon dives at the two competitors.~

3!!!!!

~ DING DING DING ~

Belvedere: And your winner via pinfall...SYNN!!!!!!!!!

Smith: Great momentum win for SYNN heading into Hardwired, Hood!

Hood: Man, Cuff counted fast!

Smith: No he didn’t!

Hood: Whatever man, not surprised to see The Bastards getting screwed over!

Smith: But he wasn’t even pinned!

Hood: Hey, if your second you aren’t first.

Smith: God, I need to get Knifey to prescribe me some valium.

Hood: Wait, he can do that? Hook a brother up!

Smith: Anyway folks, back to the studio with the Commissioner Victoria Strader and The Knife Man, the host for our special Boxing Day Piledriver!

~ Victoria and Knifey look to be quietly chatting with the lights dimmed. They notice the camera rolling and look forward smiling (yes, Knifey’s mask is smiling and yes, it has teeth) as the lights come up.~

Victoria Strader: Big win for SYNN moving into Hardwired, and I know she plans on using that momentum to earn a shot at Harmon Egan, that is if he can get past OCW legend Scott Syren. But before we talk about that, up next, we have the returning Crash Rodriguez taking on fellow Bastard, The Nickleman, for a shot at the newly returned OCW Paradigm Championship!

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TKM: The Nickleman has certainly made waves since he came into OCW. He’s gone 11 and 3 boss, with one of those being a heavy loss to The Big Bifford, pun not intended.

Victoria Strader: But there, nonetheless, just like the win he got back the other week. He came in here, and before the end of October, he was one-half of the OCW Tag Team Champions and the now-retired Savage Champion. It’s only surprising it didn’t happen sooner, but OCW did take a hiatus of sorts before I came in and righted the ship.

TKM: And also is a Bastard and overall terror in the XWF. He may have lost the Savage championship in hopes of defeating an ally of sorts for a period, but he, dare I say, would be after another shot at Sahara Duke.

Victoria Strader: Sahara Duke is the dream of any boss for that second champion that will top champion one day, but ya hope she doesn’t realize it ‘cause the Nickleman is looking to get even and become the champion I am sure he feels he deserves.

TKM: But he isn’t the only one competing for a shot. Former Craze champion Crash Rodriguez wants another chance to beat Sahara or Donovan next month in January of the new year.

Victoria Strader: It was unfortunate he was gone for a moment because I feel Crash vs Thomas would’ve gone to an epic showdown with PIC versus Crash. But if someone is going to be labelled the type of boss to reward for getting their kitty licked for title opportunities, it should be the work-ethical lesbian that allows it.

TKM: To be honest, ma’am, it was kind of funny.

~Victoria stares at him for ten seconds with a very serious face that feels instant, she smiles and chuckles.~

Victoria Strader: Everybody needs something to do.

~ Knifey’s mask looks like it’s laughing, and not gonna… slightly terrifying. Even more than Showgirls starring Jesse Spano.~

Victoria Strader: But Crash he is tenacious when he wants something. He chased the Craze title for 3 years or so, and while it did take him two tries at Tamika Strader, he dethroned her, and looked to set records himself but just not meant to be. Odd bookings to defend, random company hiatus, the rare independent event OCW allows a title to be defended on. Not to take away from Harmon Egan who is blazing his own Craze title path right now. But a man like Crash thrives on the next challenge and I hear he’s eye the hell out of the OCW Paradigm Championship.

TKM: Totally. CAP SLOCK was telling me the belt gets eyed so much it has filed a harassment complaint against Crash. Since I am a fan of Mr. Pohl and, of course, Crashy-Rashy!

Victoria Strader: Crashy-Rashy?

TKM: Oh shit, yeah, don’t use that on air, please. It was a bad one, and doctor/patient and all.

~ Victoria brings her fist to cover the cough of stifled laughter.~

Victoria Strader: Ok, Knifey. No problem. Moving along, though, Crash has already beaten her, and you can be sure he believes he can do it again.

TKM: It Should be an excellent match, and whoever wins, we know the OCW Faithful wins in the end!

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~We cut to a shot of the arena's boiler room, where we see The Nickleman gripping his barbed-wire baseball bat. He's tapping it slowly against an orange water heater as the camera slowly zooms in on The Nickleman's surroundings. We see the corpse of a desecrated owl swinging from a rope attached to the ceiling. We see a half-empty bottle of Fireball Whiskey just sitting on the ground, propped up against the wall. We see a bloody flagpole tucked away in the corner of the room.~

The Nickleman: It's been a long time since I killed a man in that ring.....a long time coming!

~The Nickleman smacks his bat against the water heater, causing a sudden clanging to ring out through the boiler room.~

The Nickleman: Sometimes, this business is about way more than fucking groupie bitches and winning championship gold....sometimes, THIS BUSINESS GETS PERSONAL!

~The Nickleman turns around and completely destroys the dead owl with the baseball bat, hitting a homerun as the owl flies off the rope and slams into the far wall. The Nickleman turns back to the camera with a deviant grin.~

The Nickleman: And the things that have been said, and done between me and the Big Bitchford....are very, very personal. So I'll be sure to come out and see him again real soon, so that he doesn't forget what a little BITCH he really is underneath all that whale blubber!

~The Nickleman walks over to his whiskey bottle and takes a swig of it as he continues to hold his bat in hand.~

The Nickleman: Cause I'm The Nickleman.....and Bitchford? I'M STILL COMING TO GET YOU!

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~We cut to backstage, where we find Jacki O'Lantern standing in front of the snack machine. She is not scheduled to compete, but that didn't stop her from wearing her ring gear throughout the show. Anyway, she pushes the button of her selection and a bag of Goldfish drops. She bends down to pick it up, then once it was in her hands she tears into the bag and starts eating it while she decides to walk around to see what kind of shenanigans she can involve herself with this time. She walks past catering to see possible future OCW World Champ Mike Zybala picking food out of the buffet style line. He looks disappointed at the fish selection. Jacki decides to go over and introduce herself. She walks over and gets in line next to Zybala. Zybala sees her out of his peripheral vision and turns to look.~

Zybala: Hey, you that new lady, right? Jacki…. Pumpkins??

~She laughs and extends her hand out to him.~

Jacki O’Lantern: “Jacki O'Lantern, although Jacki Pumpkins seems pretty sweet too. I know who you are, you're Mike Zybala. Nice to meet you, Mike. How long have you been here?”

~Jacki looks at him with curiosity. She was very much a people person and could easily make friends anywhere if she tried. Zybala smiles and shakes her hand.~

Zybala: Oh, I'd say about 5 and a half years. It's been quite the journey. I've been just about everything under the sun here. Commissioner, General Manager, a champion, contender, Owner, OCW Survivor winner. I've had a weird, wonderful career. Oh! And I am the owner and promoter of Outsiders! The proud sister company of OCW. You should check it out.

~Zybala seems to puff his chest out a little while saying this. He truly is proud of his creation.~

Jacki O’Lantern: “That's impressive, bud. You must be proud of yourself to be able to accomplish all that yet still have the passion to be here today, and for that I respect. Who knows, maybe one day you and I will get to share the same ring together for the first time. I don't know about you, but to me, that is one cool vision.”

~She nudges him on the arm as the line starts to move. Zybala moves down the line and picks up a taco shell and drops it on his plate. He loads it with beef and cheese and salsa.~

Zybala: It would be cool. But that all depends on if I win the world title at Hardwired to Self Destruct. If I lose, I will be retiring from the in ring action…

~Jacki frowns, not expecting to hear the news of him potentially retiring. She grabs a piece of pumpkin pie and goes to sit with him. Before she digs into her pie, she looks at him, hoping she could help change his mind.~

Jacki O’Lantern: “What made you consider retiring? I'm sure there are more goals you must still want to accomplish.”

Zybala: That's the thing. I really don't have any more goals. I've been a champion everywhere I've gone. I'm a Hall of Famer in other companies and pretty sure that I'm gonna be one here when I hang up the boots. I would like to finally win the OCW World title, but if I can't win it this time, I'd still be content with my legacy. The only thing that's left is to steer the new talent like you in the right direction. After almost 20 years in this business, I've done and seen all. Unlike most of my peers, I'm happy to let the next generation have their time in the spotlight. Being the staff member who gives out advice seems to be the next natural career step.

~Zybala gives a knowing nod at Jacki. She grabs her fork and digs into her pie, understanding his reasons.~

Jacki O’Lantern: “Completely understandable. I'm sure if I was in your position, I'd probably do the same and for that I respect your decision. I know we just met, but if you ever need anything, you can always lean on me to help. Speaking of which, since I've only had one match so far, you got any advice for ol' pumpkin going forward?”

Zybala: Don't let anyone else dictate who you are. Your gimmick, your style, any of it. This business can break people down emotionally as well as physically. You can handle the emotional stuff if you stay true to yourself. That's the best way to be proud of your career. Do it your way, no matter what. That's what I did, and I am proud of everything I've done.

~Zybala bites into his taco before it gets cold.~

Jacki O’Lantern: “Thank you for the advice, bud. I will definitely keep this in mind. Anything that can help me, I'll be sure to use. For now, I have to go, but nice talk and nice meeting you.”

~She leans over the table and gives him a big, friendly hug before leaving him to finish eating.~

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~We return to the studio after a quick shot inside the arena, where we see happy OCW Faithful, probably because of the drug use and scattered fellatio. The Knife Man taps his 8x10 stack of white papers like he is some sort of professional news anchor.~

Victoria Strader: The next match, Knifey, I would be lying if I thought it would be possible. When I booked the Rumble in the Bronx, I was taking a big leap and chance that people would come out for it. We had over 20 participants with less than a month to promote and some of the big names we got to throw their proverbial hats in the ring… but this one might have been the biggest.

TKM: Yes ma’am, when Scott Syren’s music hit and he came down, you know Marcus Welsh was impressed and probably proud of you.

Victoria Strader: That’s Veronica. I know it’s hard to understand and comprehend we are our own people that can do separate things miles and kilometres apart.

TKM: Right right, I was there when you both came out of the Potty on Milftown Island. I keep forgetting that.

Victoria Strader: I think everyone has some form of PTSD from that whole experience. It's how we ended in this overdone ownership angle.

TKM: Kayfabe, ma’am.

~Victoria nods, and they both touch their noses while nodding at one another.~

Victoria Strader: Of course, Syren wasn’t too happy about Donovan eliminating him in the Rumble and, in turn, helped The Big Bifford win it all. But his elimination spot gained him a shot at a championship that has been elevated to new heights this last year.

TKM: Started with Tamika Strader on March 27th and has continued since October 23rd with Harmon Egan, who looks to have a greater run than her.

Victoria Strader: That’s very true, Knifey. With joining The Brotherhood of Bastards, and I would say something about the recent alliance with Thaddeus Duke, but that is as useful as a fat bastard who creepily tries to slide into DMs now that OCW is up for sale. Also, he is smart enough not to be demanding title shots for other singles titles, especially as he already has one to be concerned with, and I have stated very clearly no singles champion shall receive any shot for another; there will be no monopolies. Plus, all OCW title matches are earned in matches that are for contendership. I would hope he wouldn’t do anything silly like start demanding things.

TKM: One would hope not. Harmon is a dangerous Craze champion, and add on Corey Smith coming over to be by his side now, giving Harmon his expertise… he could hold onto the Craze title for the foreseeable future.

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~"The Day Is MY Enemy" hits the speakers to a sizable pop from the crowd. Harmon Egan steps out first, wearing a smile which is somewhat uncharacteristic of him. Clearly he appreciates the fan accolades. He hoists the Craze Championship over his head before staring to walk down the aisle. Then, his manager Corey Smith explodes out of the back, half tackling Harmon from behind and clapping him on the shoulder before racing ahead and rolling in the ring. Harmon follows suit and the crowd draws to a hush as Corey grabs a mic from ringside.~

Corey: Hello, hello, hellllooooo good people of OCW. My name is Corey Smith and the man by my side (if you've been under a rock for a hot minute) is Harmon Egan. And folks, I got a question for you. Who here is ready to watch Harmon thrash Scott Syren?

~This draws another pop from the audience. Harmon, still smiling nods his head and leaps up to the middle turnbuckle pointing at the crowd before jumping down.~

Corey: Yeah me too. Me too. But I also have a confession to make. And Harmon, please don't take any offense to this.

~Harmon looks at Corey strangely.~

Corey: But there is a teeny ting Itty bitty part of me that would…hmmmm…like you to lose the Craze Championship.

~Corey winces and the crowd responds in confusion. Harmon makes an over the top show of looking offended. Clearly this was rehearsed.~

Corey: Let me explain! Please! Look man, I know you've said before you want to make the Craze division the talk of the town. And that you intend to defend that title more than any other championship held by soft bitches like Pic and Sahara.

~Corey shoots the crowd a cheeky smile in response to the mixed reaction.~

Corey: But here's the thing Harmon. And I'm sorry to say it. But you're ABOVE that title. You're ABOVE that division. And I think everybody and their mother knows it. You are undoubtedly OCW rookie of the year. You've never fought professionally in your life and are sitting at 11 and 0. That's four more undefeated wins than Killa Kali had when he was world champion. Are you seeing where I'm going with this?

~Corey pauses and places a hand on Harmon’s shoulder.~

Corey: Leo was wrong. There is one and only one name that should be on everyone's lips when we're talking world title contention, and that is you. So, to Strader or whoever is in charge of OCW this week…I hear by DEMAND my client gets a world title shot at the first pay per view of the new year. Whether he's still Craze Champion or not. We both know this man is money. And most of all, we both know this man deserves it.

~Harmon hangs his head, seeming a little embarrassed by the praise. Corey steps away from Harmon and looks up the ramp.~

Corey: I don't even need an answer tonight. But soon. Real soon. That is, if you know what's good for business.

~Corey drops the mic and shoots a coy challenging glance at the camera as Harmon’s music hits again. Harmon again plays to the crowd, holding up title aloft and slapping it before he and Corey head for the back.~

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~We return again as the two seem to be having an intimate conversation as we see Knifey wipe a tear from his masked eye. He shoos the camera over to Victoria Strader.~

Victoria Strader: Well, I guess I was wrong about entitlement; those two are in for a rude awakening. Oh, don’t mind Knifey; he needs a moment. Unfortunately, as PROUD and STRONG as the OCW roster is, I’m not exactly swimming in tag teams, which really sucks when you have tag team champions. In October, The Nickleman and Thunder Knuckles, under the BOB banner, won the OCW Tag Team Championships from OCW main stays Sons of Krayzie and basically retired in the same one fell swoop. Now just like the Champions before, I decided to allow them “Freebird Rules” where any member of the stable can defend the titles. We saw it last month at the Rumble when we saw the OCW Champion PIC and The Lost Sous challenge the most famous combination of BOB of Bobby Bourbon and Thunder Knuckles as Them No good Bastards. Bourbon, although not victorious tonight, knows all about winning tag team matches, especially when Thunder Knuckles was at his side.

TKM: Okay, I am composed. That’s right, Vee. Thunder Knuckles is very adamant he wants a shot at PIC, or whoever is the OCW Champion as of January 1st, 2023, and Bobby helped soften PIC up with a wrench in The Bronx.

Victoria Strader: BOB got their shot because there were no contenders. Then PIC and TLS challenged for their shot. I had hoped we would have a team which I tried to sneakily do, giving the fourth and fifth left in the Rumble Tag Title shots, but The Lost Soul became super lost in the PORTAL POTTY but has the greatest cell service if you are on social media, and Solomon Cain killed my sister's boyfriend, first-ever three-time OCW Champion and recent inductee into the Hall of Fame, so he was arrested. One would say, why not Tearra Skye and Nikki Walker? Well, unfortunately, outside issues have come into play, and we weren’t able to take the opportunity. So I looked outside of the company until I found a team so out of the box; I am surprised there hasn’t been cyberbullying in my direction for my decision, but they had to sign contracts to work for OCW, so maybe that’s why. Who knows?

TKM: Who does know? Well, on behalf of myself, Machete Phil, Eddy Bueger, CAP SLOCK, Knux, Max and the catering for increasing the budget to accommodate Sahara’s shrimp addiction and Miss Baumer's Fish and Chip's request, we all love you.

~Victoria tilts her and gives a funny smile to Knifey, waving his comment away.~

Victoria Strader: You know how to make a girl feel special, Knifey. But yes, I found the team of Desdemona Luciana and Phoenix Lestrange known as HaVeN! After making waves in a place that isn’t as nearly CLASSIC OCW, BABY as OCW is, I knew they were waiting for a place to take a chance on them. I can promise you, Knifey, that Them No God Bastards have no what’s coming at them while HaVeN knows what is coming at them with the kind of infamy and asshole-notoriety the Bastards have. Vegas or Cheasy might have the Bastards with the best overall, but I know HaVeN would make someone like Mike Zybala money if he had any sportsbucks to his name. My Aunt isn’t here to enable his gambling addiction.

TKM: That is very true. The next match, boss… that’s gonna be a SLOBBERKNOCKER!

Victoria Strader: Fitting for a Premium Live Event if I do say so myself.

TKM: Have you decided on a winner?

Victoria Strader: Yes. Terry Marshall, clean finish. Then we’ll push him to dethrone Mike Zybala from the OCW Championship at January’s Premium Live Event OCW Dia Uno! Oh shit, cut to the next segment!

~ The two fall backwards out of their fancy chairs, holding their stomachs and sides as we fade out to a pre-recorded segment.~

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INSERT SEGMENT HERE

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~Up now is the banner for Sahara Duke versus Shane Donovan, and Victoria Strader looks mighty proud that the one she knew would come out ahead as Paradigm Champion was just beginning her reign but was aware Shane Donovan stands in the way.~

Victoria Strader: Even though we are saying goodbye to Thaddeus Duke from the roster and as majority owner, we are keeping the one the people here actually care about and want to see, Sahara Duke. The OCW Paradigm championship has returned to its rightful place as the title second to only the OCW Championship. Knifey, Sahara has that “IT” factor like I was referring to earlier. This is the prototype of the 21st Century champion. Like I have stated before, OCW is not misogynistic as people like to think we are because this past year, the best champions we have had have been women, and we don’t shackle them to divisions and championships only a woman can win; some companies have and so forth which is sad as it’s about to be 2023, not 1993. No matter what is between someone's leg, it has no bearings here in OCW, and champions like Sahara Duke make that ever so apparent.

TKM: Miss Duke has been around since Rumble in The Bronx though, Vee.

Victoria Strader: That is by design. Star attractions like our Paradigm Champion shouldn’t be shoved down the OCW Faithful’s throats like others need to do to remain relevant. You don’t get any more relevant than Sahara Duke.

TKM: “Manmademonster” Shane Donovan might be an expectation. Even though his goal was to face PIC and Mike Zybala, he will have to settle for the shot he earned at Sahara Duke.

Victoria Strader: That is very true, Knifey. Like the other legends who came in for the Rumble in The Bronx, Shane Donovan was quite a name to pull. He is, like you said, a “manmademonster” and he showed us that in New York as well as on December 5th with his calling out the A-Lister Dylan Thomas and subsequently defeating him on the final Massacre of the year on December 12th. Even though Sahara has been busy with the World of Warcraft Expansion that dropped earlier this month, I know she is preparing for Donovan, and just like at Rumble in the Bronx I believe she has what it takes to retain and have a reign like no one has ever seen!

TKM: I will say Vee; I don’t think anyone predicted you championing a Duke.

Victoria Strader: Just because I am a Knox and a Strader doesn’t mean I am like all the rest of them.

TKM: That is very true! Well, coming here shortly is the Main Event not only of Hardwired to Self-Destruct to promote, but we have the red-hot upstart Moonlight Rose taking on a Margarita Mix competitor from two years in a row coming in Dolly Waters!

Victoria Strader: That’s right, after a short segment, we’ll get to see Rose take on Waters which is a great way to get ready to end the night before a special press conference filmed earlier in the day from the competitors of the OCW Championship! I have heard that Miss Rose has been learning some hard lessons about knowing what’s going on in the world of professional wrestling to avoid knowing what her foot tastes like, but she is young, and this business is the kind of teacher that never stops teaching people lessons. But her odds here tonight are pretty good. As The Big Bifford said, when you don’t promote the match you are scheduled in, karma tends to favour the opponent that did.

TKM: That is weird how that works.

Victoria Strader: Since this will be the last time you see us tonight I wanted to say I have loved being the Commissioner here in OCW, helping restore that “Classic OCW, baby!” feeling and when we see you next, in Fox Creek, Alberta at Hardwired to Self-Destruct, I know that it will be the perfect way to end 2022! For OCW, I am Victoria Strader.

TKM: And I am The Knife Man.

BOTH: Enjoy and goodnight!!!!!

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INSERT SEGMENT HERE

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Belvedere: Ladies and Gentlemen, the main event of the evening is next! Introducing first...

~The crescendo of Ode To Joy erupts through the stadium speakers. The stadium lights are a hot-white... searing almost, as they rush from the ceiling to the entrance way.~

Belvedere: Here tonight to take on a red hot OCW newcomer...

~Dolly Waters emerges from behind the curtain, taking a deliberate pause at the top of the ramp. Her hair nested into a bun, wearing a loose fitting black long-sleeved athletic top, over a pair of black leggings and black wrestling boots. Do you see the juxtaposition? Though the fans roar, Dolly wastes little time drinking them in. Her gaze is focused squarely on the squared circle. She marches to the cymbals and the trumpets, poised and focused, looking like someone walking towards a fight, not an exhibition. ~

Belvedere: DOLLY WATERS!!!!!!

~ She climbs the apron, and through the bottom rope, taking her spot in the center of the ring where she raises a single fist into the air under a shower of camera flashes.~

Belvedere: And her opponent...

~The opening cords of Meteor By SLATYDOG begins to play. The first lyrics.~

RETURN BACK UP INTO THE SKY AGAIN.

~Moonlight Rose is illuminated by spotlight on the ramp. The purple and black cape waving behind her as she walks to ring. she high fives a couple fans on her way down to the ring. she climbs onto the apron and to the top turn buckle.~

Belvedere: Hailing from Tokyo, Japan now residing in Toronto Canada. She is Professional wrestling royalty. she is OCW's Super Hero. she is... MOON... LIGHT... ROOOOOOOOSE.

~ DING DING DING ~

~Waters quickly rolls out of the corner and puts her arms up to engage in a lock up in center ring, where Rose raises a questionable brow to her opponent. Then she raises her hands in a grappling position, apparently ready to engage the veteran before her.~

Smith: This will be a great test for Rose, Hood.

Hood: Waters has got this one.

~Waters goes in high for a lock-up, but Rose ducks under the grapple and hits her in the back of the head with a forearm. Waters turns around with quite the annoyed look on her face. The cheers of the fans are cut short and replaced by biggers cheers when Waters goes on the offence and Rose is rolled up in a school boy by Dolly and Scruff begins counting.~

1!

2!!

~ Waters is pushed off by Rose, but immediately covers her again, the count restarting.~

1!

2!!

~Again, Rose kicks out, but Waters is quick to go for a third cover.~

1!

~This time, instead of a simple kick out, Rose aggressively and violently pushes Waters off of herself, sending the other woman into the air. Waters somehow lands on her feet awkwardly, and performs a running flipping Neckbreaker as Rose is attempting to stand. Again, Waters goes for a pin.~

1!

2!!

Hood: What is that? Seven pin attempts in the first minute? She is getting schooled like she does on social media when she talks.

Smith: She’s still finding her way, Hood. Social Media isn’t the best for everyone at first. She’ll grow into like she has the ring. Don’t count her out yet.

Hood: Maybe, but Ball-Ball beat her. Ball-Ball. Fucking Ball-Ball.

~ Rose reaches a shoulder up and quickly rolls out of the ring, as they are rather close to the ropes. Waters, not wanting her momentum to come to a halt, quickly dives through the ropes at Rose, but Rose sidesteps, Waters to crash into the barricade between the fans and the ring! Rose immediately takes advantage of the situation and stomps heavily on the back of Waters skull before rolling her back into the ring.~

~Once both women are inside the squared circle once again, Rose puts Waters directly into an inverse arm bar! They are close to the ropes, though, and Waters reaches out, grabbing hold of the rope. Scruff begins a count to break the hold.~

1!

2!!

3!!!

4!!!! Scruff: Get off of her, Rose. I mean it. You know what’s next!

M. Rose: Fine!

Smith: Rose doing everything she can to wear the veteran down.

Hood: Won’t be enough.

~ Rose finally releases her hold on the multi-time champion’s arm, leaving Waters tangled up in the bottom rope, clutching her left arm. Rose stands back a little way, waiting for Waters to stand, apparently. However, as soon as Waters moves her left arm to get out of the ropes, Rose pushes past Scruff, stomping down hard on her elbow! Waters grabs her arm in a new spasm of pain, and rolls to the center of the ring. The OCW Faithful are letting loose a wallop of cheers, but the only reaction they get from Rose is focused stare on Dolly Waters.~

Smith: Rose really focusing here! She wants this.

Hood: She better want it.

~As Rose moves on her opponent, Waters comes up hard from her knees, driving her right fist hard into the throat of her opponent. Waters gains her feet and grabs the head of Rose, then drops to her knees in a Jaw Breaker! Rose, who had already been clutching her throat for breath, now stands stiff, stunned. Waters isn’t finished yet! She stands, unleashing an impactful European Uppercut! As Rose stumbles backward, Waters backpedals, bounding off the ropes. As she is running back toward Rose she slips on the canvas! But, no! Her foot connects square in the face of Rose, sending her competitor to the mat on her back sprawled out. Waters immediately makes a cover, and Davis slaps the mat as she counts.~

Smith: Waters with a brutal foot to the face! But will it be enough to put Rose away?

1!

2!!

KICKOUT!

~ The arena, which was just going nuts with applause and screams of encouragement keeps louder for Rose to get up and to be well heard. Waters, again, goes immediately for a second cover.~

1!

2!!

KICKOUT!

Hood: You know, Smith, it seems to me that Waters isn’t getting anywhere with these excessive pins.

Smith: Maybe you should rethink her winning?

Hood: Mmmm... no.

~ Unbelieving, Waters stands and runs to the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. As she comes back toward Rose, the upstart jumps high, giving Waters no choice but to duck in order to dodge any potential attack. She comes off a second set of ropes, and Rose dives at her feet, causing Waters to leap over her. As Waters comes off the ropes for the third time, Rose is already air born, and brings Dolly Waters to the canvas with a hurricarrana!~

Smith: Rose getting into control!

~Waters begins to stand, but Rose is already up and throws a heavy toe kick into the abdominal of the OCW rookie. Without hesitation, she drives Waters head between her knees and lifts her up, then throws her with a force of hatred against the mat in what is truly a devastating Powerbomb near the corner. Looking at the fans, Rose lifts Waters to a mostly standing position and initiates a double underhook, then viciously suplexes her hard into the top turnbuckle!~

Smith: Oh, that must’ve hurt.

Hood: Gee, you think?

~Standing above what appears to be a broken Dolly Waters, Rose yells out toward the crowd who is making the arena rain cheers, “Oops… I broke her!” Rose then slaps Waters over the head as the XWF’er struggles on her knees to stand properly. “Get up!” Rose yelled, “Get the fuck up! I’m not done with you yet!” Waters reached out, grasping the legs of Rose to pull herself up with. Rose only smirks before taking the left (and hurt) arm of Waters and twisting it into an arm wrench from the side, then swings her foot right at the champion’s face. Waters takes the kick to the face, falling back away from the ropes on the back of her head. Rose keeps hold of the arm and drops with the kick, locking it into a devastating arm bar! Within just a few moments, Waters is laying there broken after Rose lets go. She hits the top rope and leaps with the OTK(Corkscrew Moonsault)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She hooks the leg hard!

1!

2!!

3!!!!!

~ DING DING DING! ~

Belvedere: And your winner via pinfall... MOONLIGHT ROSE!!!!!!!!

Smith: And Rose did it! She beat the veteran Dolly Waters on home turf!

Hood: Damn it, 0 for 2. Saturday will be different though. I got my sportsbucks!

Smith: Right... Well, Moonlight might not be accustomed to how one gets booked onto a Pay Per View in OCW, by earning a shot at a title or a contender’s match.

Hood: Or you opt-in for Death March for it only to get cancelled and get placed elsewhere.

Smith: But I’m willing to bet that it’ll only be a matter of time before she is back on PPV with the talent she has.

Hood: Yeah, hopefully she doesn’t lose to Ball-Ball again. Or to someone like.... Zeus.

Smith: Anyway folks, that’s all for matches tonight! Coming up next, to end this very special Boxing Day Piledriver, is a Press Conference hosted by OCW’s own Cheasy M. in Fox Creek, Alberta - - -

Hood: GREAT NATION TO THE NORTH!

Smith: - - - where we will head slightly north with a thousand fans or so to drilling rig site to host HARDWIRED TO SELF-DESTRUCT. For all of us at OCW, please, enjoy and we will see you New Year’s Eve for everything - - -

Hood: Classic OCW, baby!

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~The scene opens to the snow covered streets in front of the Pembina Arena in Fox Creek, Alberta, Canada. The parking lot is full of vehicles, a somewhat abnormal thing for the small community hockey rink. We cut inside to see the arena floor has been covered with rubber mats. Three large platforms have been constructed in the middle of the arena, each with a black desk, microphone, and OCW backdrop behind it. The floor is lined with three rows of reporters and the stands are packed with the OCW faithful. It takes a few minutes for everyone to settle in, but the crowd begins to cheer and clap as Cheasy M steps through the curtain and walks across the floor with a microphone in hand. He waves to the stands as he approaches the platforms. He waits for the noise to die down before addressing the crowd.~

Cheasy M: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. We are excited that so many of you braved the weather to join us for this momentous occasion. With Hardwired to Self Destruct a mere five days away, we’ve come together on Boxing Day to give you one last chance to hear from the three men that will compete for the top prize in professional wrestling, the OCW World Championship!

~The OCW faithful erupt with cheers that echo throughout the small arena. Cheasy cheeses it up big time as he adjusts his mustache with his fingers. After they settle down, he continues.~

Cheasy M: There’s no sense wasting time here, so let’s get to it. The format is pretty simple. Once our competitors are in place, each will field questions from the press that has gathered one at a time. Everyone will get an equal opportunity to speak during the allotted time, then we’ll finish with a photo op. Sound good?

~The crowd cheers again.~

Cheasy M: Awesome! Introducing first… from Buffalo, New York… he’s the “Heart and Soul of OCW”... MIKE ZYBALA!!!

~“Dreamweaver” begins to play as Mike Zybala steps onto the floor. The crowd cheers loudly as he waves and acknowledges them all. Mike appears to be in a good mood but maybe not as happy-go-lucky as we’re used to seeing him. He walks up to the middle platform and sits down at the desk. He unscrews the lid of a bottle of water and takes a drink as his song stops playing.~

Cheasy M: Next… from Columbus, Ohio… he’s a former two-time OCW World Champion… THE BIG BIFFORD!!!

~“Champion” by Barns Courtney begins to play as the crowd once again cheers loudly. Bifford walks out onto the floor and toward the stage. He pauses in the middle, turning to the fans and giving them a bow before walking to his platform on the far left of the room. He stops momentarily in front of Zybala and smiles, lifting up 2 fingers, reminding him of their recent contest in which Bifford won, and that he has two wins over him. He then walks up his steps and sits down behind the desk.~

Cheasy M: And now… the third competitor in the main event for Hardwired to Self Destruct. He hails from Charleston, South Carolina and is the reigning… and defending OCW World Champion… PIC!!!!

~“Raise Your Hands” by Bon Jovi blasts through the PA system as the crowd goes wild once again. PIC emerges through the curtain, his face no longer bandaged but scarred from his recent beating by the Brotherhood of Bastards. He has the OCW world title secured around his waist as he runs out onto the floor, singing along with the fans. He runs straight to his platform to the left of the others, takes his belt off and raises it high into the air as the song hits the chorus. After the crowd sings through one time, the music fades. PIC places the world title in front of his table on full display before taking his seat behind the microphone.~

Cheasy M: Gentlemen, thank you so much for taking the time out to come here and address the fans on Boxing Day. We’re not going to waste any time though so let’s get right to it. Who has a question?

~Several hands go up. Cheasy points to a short white man in the front row. His gray suit is slightly wrinkled and the glare off of his bald head as he stands causes Cheasy to shield his eyes momentarily.~

Chip Chesterton: Chip Chesterton, The Calgary Canuck. This question is for PIC. In light of recent news stories that have been leaked over the past week and a half—

PIC: I’m going to stop you right there. I’m here to answer questions about wrestling, specifically the main event world title match at the pay per view. If you have a question about that, or either of these two gentlemen to my right, I’ll be glad to answer. Otherwise, move on.

~Chip looks flustered but composes himself.~

Chip Chesterton: Ok… umm… fair enough. So… you’ve been increasingly active on social media since this match was announced, and specifically more antagonistic toward your opponents than we’ve seen in the past. What is it about this match that has brought out this side of you?

PIC: Bifford has been using mind games for years to get into his opponents’ heads. Whether that’s sending voicemails, creating videos, posting to Twitter and other social media outlets… it’s part of his scare tactics and given his record, it’s pretty hard to argue against its success. Knowing that, I wanted to take that element of his game out early. I believe I’ve shown both he and Zybala that I can play that game as good, if not better than they can. You might remember I went pretty hard at JPD this past summer as well. It’s about knowing your opponent and knowing how to take away any advantage they think they have. I did it with incredible success back then, and even more so now.

Chip Chesterton: You don’t think announcing that you’re playing mind games undermines them at all?

PIC: If I wasn’t able to back it up in the ring, sure. But the point was never to get into Biff’s head. The point was to destroy his ability to operate the way he always has. I figure his fat ass needs to start being creative at some point, right?

~The crowd collectively ‘oohs’ at the champion’s jab at Bifford. Biff just sits there smiling, waiting his turn.~

Cheasy M: Oh snap! Shots fired! Haha. Ok then… who’s next?

~Before Cheasy can pick, a stocky woman with short blonde hair hops up and begins to speak.~

Odette Oulette: Hello, Odette Oulette from the Ottawa Ostrich. This question is for Mike Zybala. Being the only one who hasn't won a championship, some people feel you have zero chance of winning. How do you feel about that?

~Bifford chuckles and chimes in with a “damn right O-Bet,” and Zybala glares at him.~

Zybala: I know my recent record stands against me, but that is no reason to discount me. Despite the accolades I've had throughout my near 20 year career, I've always been considered the underdog. I've always been shorter than my opponents and lighter. Way lighter when it comes to Biff. And people have always seen that as a liability, especially my opponents. I see it as a strength. It's something I've lived with my whole life and I've turned it into my most effective weapon. It's helped me hold gold in every company I've worked for.

Odette Oulette: But what of your losing streak? Surely that has to have some weight on your mind?

Zybala: Not really. I see it more as the new talent being better than when I first started. It forces me to step up my game, as it should my fellow "old" people that are up here with me. Sure, PIC is the champ now, but with new kids like Harmon Egan, Jacki O'Lantern, Phoenix Lestrange, just to name a few, coming into the company, how long do we have in the spotlight if we just stay stagnant? I mean, PIC seems to try to improve his game, but Biff is as stagnant as ever. Sure he beat me, but how long will that last? How long can PIC keep hold of the world title with all these new kids around? Actually, he doesn't have to worry about that for much longer. I'll be a good friend and relieve him of that burden at Hardwired to Self Destruct.

~Zybala looks over at the champ and give him a smile and a wink.~

Zybala: I got your back, buddy.

~The crowd laughs at the joke as PIC chuckles.~

PIC: More like I’m going to put you on your back.

~Zybala laughs, then flips PIC off in a friendly way. Another reporter stands up before Cheasy M can take the microphone.~

Milton Malarkey: Yes, Milton Malarkey, Manitoba Meanderer. This question is for The Big Bifford. Your first OCW World Title win was in December of 2001, 21 years ago. You won it again earlier this year against Outcast only to lose it three months later to Killa Kali.

Bifford: What is your point?

Milton Malarkey: I guess my point is… you’ve been in so many big money matches over your career, more than both PIC and Zybala combined. How do you hype yourself up for a match like this, and where does this one rank amongst your epic encounters?

Bifford: Listen.. This match, like every match I’m in, has the same ending. The Biff End. That’s what’s gonna happen in the hellscape of Canada. And that’s how Michael Zybala’s career comes to an end. Pike is an interesting character but he will be much happier challenging Shane Donovan for the Paradigm Championship. Even if Pike and Michael team up, they cannot possibly get my shoulders down.

Cheasy M: Strong words from The Big Bifford for sure. Well, believe it or not ladies and gentlemen, we’re almost out of time. Gentlemen… would you please join me here on the floor for a photo op as we close our time together?

~PIC reaches over and grabs the world title belt, reattaching it around his waist as he walks down the steps of his platform. Bifford and Zybala leave their platforms and come to the floor. Zybala stands in the middle facing the crowd as Bifford and PIC stand to either side, turned to face each other. Bifford begins talking trash to PIC, who retaliates and gets up in Bifford’s face. PIC shouts “Let’s go, fat boy!” Cheasy M steps back as the two look to come to blows. Zybala inches his way between them and pushes both men back. Bifford pushes him out of the way and goes face to face with PIC again. PIC pushes Bifford, then Bifford pushes him back. PIC looks to rush forward but Bifford is staggered backwards from a superkick from Zybala! The crowd goes crazy as Bifford nearly falls to his feet. PIC takes the opportunity to charge Bifford, nailing him with a huge European uppercut. As Bifford bounces off of his forearm, PIC grabs his head and drops him with a reverse cutter, the back of Bifford’s head smacking against the floor. PIC pops up and celebrates to the roar of the crowd. He turns to high five Zybala only to get rocked with a superkick of his own! Zybala scoops PIC off the floor and lifts him to his shoulders. He tosses PIC in the air, delivering the Sounds of Silence finisher to the back of PIC’s head as the world title belt comes loose and falls to the floor. The crowd is losing their minds as Zybala stands over a fallen PIC and Bifford. Zybala looks down at the belt and picks it up, staring at it for a moment before hoisting it high in the air The Breakfast Club style as the scene fades out to the Victoria Strader pink OCW logo.~

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**AND NOW A SPECIAL REPORT BROUGHT TO YOU BY YOUR SOON-TO-BE NEW OWNERS**

~We cut to a press room. Reporters stand by. Mics in hand. Erections in their pants. But what about the women, you ask? LOL like we’d actually hire female reporters. A buzz floats through the room...the hype intensifies. The men speak to each other about what’s about to step foot in front of them. One guy says he’s so excited that his nipples are about to explode. He gets kicked in the balls. And then...Voodoo Child plays as the door to the room is kicked open and OCW creator DEAN steps into view. Behind him is the original OCW Champion and, if you ask him, co-creator of OCW...Lurrr. They take a seat at a table elevated on a stage above all the reporters. Lurrr has two cups. One full of whiskey...the other full of spit. He utilizes the latter before taking a sip from the former~

Dean: Alright, what’s up, suckas.

~Leo runs in~

Leo: Dean and Lurrr everybody!

~Dean and Lurrr glare at him~

Dean: You’re a little late.

Lurrr: Who the fuck is this guy?

Dean: Not important.

~Leo slumps his shoulders and walks out~

Dean: Alright, so as all of you know...we are purchasing OCW from it’s previous owner.

~The media members go wild. Not exactly professional but what about this place ever is, really?~

Dean: It’s all signed, sealed and delivered. Ain’t that right, buddy?

~Lurrr pounds the table with his fist~

Lurrr: That’s right. And we’re not gonna coddle any of you pussies who need special attention. Fuck you guys!

~Dean pats Lurrr on the back~

Dean: We’ve got big plans for 2023. And since it’s never too early to get that hype train rolling...let’s dive into the first third of the year. That’s right...the first four months of 2023 have already been planned out. Why? Because we’re planners. Organizers.

~Lurrr spits some of his tobacco onto the table, laughing~

Lurrr: Right.

Dean: Hey, things change, sucka. And...you’re gonna spring for a new table, right? It’s all stained, now.

Lurrr: Yea, whatever. I don’t care.

~Lurrr takes a sip of his whiskey~

Dean: So, in January...we’re gonna ease into the new year. We’ve got this giant ass arena in Key West that never gets used for stupid fucking reasons that I’ll never know. So, we’ll return to the OCW Arena...set up a nice, elegant affair. An event centered around the theme of ringing in the new year. We’ll have a ball room brawl match...first ever. We’ll also have a match centered around the new year’s ball dropping...and, no, I’m not gonna call it the ball dropping match. We’ll think of somethin else.

~Lurrr laughs~

Dean: That event will be called...Decadence.

Picture

Dean: And then in February, shit gets real. Since it was such a big hit last year...the GREAT ILLUMINATUS will return again this year. Carpe Noctem is BACK in February. A single match event for the OCW Title. Twenty wrestlers. None of the names will be released until they enter into the match. So, you’ll go into this one completely blind. And..instead of the desert...this pyramid will be constructed in...the snow! Antarctica.

~Lurrr leans in~

Lurrr: Yea and you fuckers better be prepared...ole Lurrr might just enter this one himself and bring some fuckin dignity back to that title.

~Dean nods~

Dean: I don’t know about you suckas, but I wouldn’t wanna face this man inside the pyramid. Carpe Noctem...in February!

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Dean: Which brings you suckas to March. We ain’t gonna go back to Ireland...the home of angry leprechauns. No way. Instead, we’re gonna let you...THE FANS pick the location and match stipulations. Hell, I might even let you all book the matches.

~Lurrr nearly spits his entire wad of tobacco into his whiskey cup~

Dean: That was a close one

Lurrr: No shit. But you’re really going to let the fans pick the location...you do realize wrestling fans are re-

Dean: Easy, sucka. That word kills. But yes...let’s let the fans get involved. They’ll book an entire event from start to finish...an event I like to call YOU CAN DO IT

Lurrr: Sure. That name fits.

Dean: You fans can do it! YOU CAN DO IT, SUCKAS. We have faith in you. Don’t let us down.

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Dean: And, finally…

~Dean leans forward...the lights dim. Lurrr looks around like ‘this is a bit much’. Dean sits back, the lights return to their normal level of brightness~

Dean: Sorry. Just wanted to make sure the lights are working up to code in here. Good job, Knife Man.

~Dean gives Knife Man a thumbs up. He’s standing by the light switch. Knife Man responds by waving his knife around~

Lurrr: Fuckin weirdo.

Dean: But seriously. In April we are going...BACK TO THE ISLAND

~The reporters murmur. Lurrr’s eyes widen~

Lurrr: Since that was such a GREAT idea last year.

Dean: Lurrr, bro...my sucka. I was lost in the jungle 20 years ago, remember? I know my way around these parts. We’ll be fine.

Lurrr: Sure, just don’t sign me up for that shit.

Dean: OCW returns to the island for a match unlike any in pro wrestling history! A concept far beyond anything the previous establishment could have possibly conceived.

Lurrr: Oh, you mean the fuckin quitter?

~Dean and Lurrr chuckle. The entire room of reporters burst out laughing. The Knife Man holds his stomach, bending over and laughing...his knife dangling near the floor~

Dean: Ah, but seriously...I’d like to dive into this event in further detail but you know how the pro wrestling industry is...all sitting on their hands, waiting to see what we do so they can rip our ideas and pass it off as their own.

Lurrr: Always imitated but never duplicated.

Dean: The compliment of all compliments. But believe me when I say this event will revolutionize this ‘game’ as some of us call it.

Lurrr: Okay, sign me up for this.

Dean: Really?

Lurrr: No, not really. But maybe.

Dean: That’s not a no! Ladies and Gentlemen, come April get ready to forever alter this business as OCW proudly presents…

Picture

Dean: Lovely.

Lurrr: Uh, does that say FIGHTIEST?

Dean: What the?

~Dean looks at the graphic~

Dean: SON OF A BITCH

~Dean slams his giant fists into the table. Lurrr pats him on the back~

Lurrr: Calm down, big guy.

Dean: I am NOT paying for a remake. Whoever the graphic idiot is around here is gonna have to make a new one...FREE OF CHARGE.

Lurrr: Sure, that’s fair.

Dean: Anyway, Survival of the Fittest will air for two weeks during the month of April. A brand new concept set to innovate, illuminate, and illustrate why OCW is the greatest fed of all the times.

Lurrr: Hear hear!

~Lurrr raises both cups~

Dean: Alright, so there’s the first four months of 2023 all mapped out for you suckas. Now, we’re gonna head back and continue to plan things out...it’s gonna be a great year, OCWers!

~Reporters raise their hands for questions~

Dean: Sorry, no questions at this time. I already gave you a bunch of info...go write some shit.

~The reporters quiet down. Except for one...a familiar voice sounds out as a mustachioed man burrows his way through the reporters...it’s Louis Pohl~

Lou Pohl: So now you officially own the company? Paid in full and in your name? Well, allow me to be the first to congratulate you on a done deal!

~Dean raises an eyebrow as Lurrr eyes the crooked attorney, suspicious of where this is going.

Dean: Is that it, sucka?

Lou Pohl: Certainly… I’m just happy to hear it’s a done deal, yenno? So often people announce big purchases while only having a Letter of Intent.

~Dean squirms a bit, looking over at Lurrr. Lurrr leans forward~

Lurrr: Who the fuck let discount Ron Jeremy in here?

Lou Pohl: Why so sensitive? Did I hit a nerve? You guys aren’t counting those chickens, are ya?

Lurrr: Listen here…

~Dean grabs Lurrr, restraining him~

Dean: Lou...first of all, good to see you. Second...let me reassure you and everyone else that this deal is as good as done.

Lou Pohl: As good as done but not ‘done’ done.

Dean: Trust me, it’s all but done.

Lou Pohl: Interesting…

~Dean turns to the camera~

Dean: And that wraps this press conference up! We’ll be at this Sunday’s PPV keeping our eye on the product...watching, judging, taking notes. So, OCW, put your best foot forward because come the new year...myself and the man sitting next to me will take the wheel. You can count on that.

~Reporters stand with more questions. Dean refuses to answer, exiting with Lurrr. Lou pulls a phone out of his pocket to make a call. We fade out~

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