Wednesday, January 19th, 2022
Live from the OCW Studio
What day is it?
Ah, okay, it’s Wednesday.
Been so f’n sick it’s hard to keep track lately.
But, yea, Wednesday...got a little work to do. Some interesting basketball games tonight. Got some lines to rehearse. Might even hit the workout room for the first time in a week.
MIGHT.
I don’t want to relapse like an idiot.
Guess I should put some OCW work in, too, right? Okay I’ll make this banner. Maybe get to work on some promo videos...yea, this feels like I’m getting stuff done across the board.
Across the board.
So nice.
La-dee-da
Shoop-de-boop
Smugga-lugga-rugga
HmmmmmmmMMMmmmmhhhhmmm
“Huh?”
I’m forgetting something?
Well, I’ve got my pants on. I brushed my teeth.
Can’t really…
oh.
OH!
OH SHIT PILEDRIVER IS TODAY.
I fucking forgot.
Well, let’s run this shit through and see how it comes out the other end...which sounds backwards, but, whatever. LET’S DO IT.
~We fade into the OCW Studio where Cheasy M stifles a cough before composing himself and addressing the OCW faithful~
Cheasy M: Hello OCW fans! Welcome to another episode of PILEDRIVER!
BAM POW SLAM
Cheasy M: Yes, those are all noises that can be associated with a PILEDRIVER. Fans we are less than two weeks away...LESS THAN TWO WEEKS...away from Access Denied. A show that will take place from THE MEAN STREETS of Detroit. I’m told OCW has secured the several blocks of downtown Detroit necessary for the show...so, let’s take a look and see how that went down!
~We cut to the office of Marcus Welsh. He’s on the phone with a Detroit city official~
Marcus Welsh: Yes, we need several square blocks reserved and closed off for this event. Damage? Oh, I’d imagine there will be some damage, sure. But, I mean, it’s Detroit so what’s the concern?
~Welsh and the city official share a hearty laugh but not quite a guffaw~
Marcus Welsh: So that area I showed you. How much to rent that entire area out on January 30th?
~Welsh listens~
Marcus Welsh: Really? That much, huh? Well, I’ll tell you where we stand. We were thinking more along the lines of two hundred.
~There’s a long pause. Welsh gets his answer~
Marcus Welsh: I can MAYBE do two hundred fifty but you know Chicago isn’t very far and I’m sure I could get this deal over there...I mean they’re almost as dirty as you guys plus it’s Meyhu’s hometown and I’m sure he could get whatever corrupt politician that’s in power over there to cut us a sweet deal.
~Another pause. Speaking resumes and Welsh smiles~
Marcus Welsh: Three hundred for several city blocks...hmm. How about two hundred and fifty plus we’ll give you and your family free tickets.
~Welsh gets his answer~
Marcus Welsh: AND you want us to sponsor the Lions during next year’s NFL season? Sir, you ask too much.
~More negotiating~
Marcus Welsh: Okay, tell you what. Two fifty and we’ll send the Lions a replica OCW title they can carry around on the sidelines during their games next year.
~Marcus rears back, shocked~
Marcus Welsh: No, no, NO. Not THE OCW Title...what are you, crazy? A OCW championship...not sure which one...could be the Craze...could be one of the retired belts but we’ll send you one, no doubt.
~Dramatic pause followed by a giant smile from OCW’s GM~
Marcus Welsh: GREAT! I’ll send over the paperwork...we look forward to seeing you guys on Sunday, January 30th!
~Welsh hangs up and takes a seat behind his desk. He leans back and kicks his feet up~
Marcus Welsh: Now that’s what you call ART OF THE DEAL
~His phone buzzes. He sits up and leans over his desktop, reading the screen...his expression goes from proud to bothered in an instant~
Marcus Welsh: Fuck. The Savage Title. Fuck fuck fuck.
~We cut back to Cheasy M~
Cheasy M: Fans, it appears our Pay Per View location has been secured! Not sure why we waited until 11 days away from the actual event to secure it but, I just figure OCW knew Detroit had no better options! Anyway, Access Denied will air LIVE on January 30th from the Mean Streets of Detroit! It’s gonna be cold. It’s gonna be brutal. And, it’s gonna be violent! Family fun for everyone! Don’t miss it!
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: However, it isn’t all roses and ass play for our GM, Marcus Welsh. It appears he’s yet to resolve the hulking, menacing elephant dominating his room of thought. Supreme Machine remains in control of the Savage Championship. The same Supreme Machine who hasn’t worked here since October. The same Savage Title that Gregory Poblano has promised BRIM, should he defeat Mike Zybala in 11 days. Marcus Welsh NEEDS to get that title back...but he’s yet to do so. How is he going to achieve this? One thing is for certain...Supreme Machine isn’t going to just hand that belt over. Nope. This could get interesting, fans.
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: Moving on...Zybala’s Outsiders Battle Royal continues to capture the interests of fans around the world. Last week we heard from two unique competitors when Fanny and Max Rotten spoke...this week, three more have cried out, letting us know why they deserve a match at Carpe Noctem. Let’s hear from one of them right now...ladies and gentlemen, introducing Meghan Strader.
Meghan Strader felt uneasy down in Florida by herself. Her whole career she had her baby sister Tamika Strader with her, but they retired back before OCW had purged the roster, on top of the wrestling world as Revolution1 Wrestling Tag Team Champions.
Meghan had been settling into the role of manager for Victoria Strader-Knox and all was good.
It definitely wasn’t.
Meghan sat waiting for some guy named Emilio to show her the setup of Outsiders Championship Wrestling that took place between 3 backyards. The company, if you could even call it that, definitely fell under the same category as back alley vasectomies and abortions where the doctor is a Shop-Vac with a clothes hanger as its assistant.
All of this was happening because Meghan’s daughter, the current Trans-Atlantic Champion Veronica Strader, had been taken over by an affliction that ran through the blood of Matthew Knox. OCW wasn’t new to that affliction as Supreme Machine was an undefeated legend in these parts but Veronica was making her own mark.
Harold, Veronica’s personal cameraperson, made the request to film Meghan’s small promo for old times sake. He hugged Meghan when he met her outback of Emilio’s houses that comprised the dirty setup of the Outsiders. She gives him a kiss on the forehead making him blush.
“It’s good to see you Mrs. Kelser, it’s been a long time since I filmed a promo for you,”he remarked with his pearly white denture smile. He used to be a meth head, and it had taken his originals.
“You too, Harold. It’s not gonna be your typical promo. We better get rolling, don’t want your boss to get too mad at you,” she said to him, even though Veronica was quite fond of the opiate-addicted hooker aficionado.
Harold nods and starts to film his former employer who was dressed in black boots, black leather pants and sporting a purple tank top that has her daughter’s name across the chest. Wearing official OCW merchandise.
“I retired from the sport that has given me so much a few months ago back in 2021. Retired on top, as a tag team champion with my baby sister, and found a new profession in the sport I hold dear as my daughter Victoria’s manager. I had started to notice a change in her but everyone told me to relax but I should’ve listened to my gut.”
“I’m not looking to win a contract. I just want to talk to my firstborn. To reach inside Veronica and find Victoria again. My sweetness, I love you. I will do whatever it takes to reach you, even if it means walking into a disgusting backyard, in a ring that couldn’t hold the weight of Supreme Machine. I have done everything I ever wanted to do in life, but I can’t do it without you. Come back to me, to your family. I love you, Victoria Strader.”
She doesn’t even sneer, she just places her right hand over her heart.
~We return to the OCW Studio and Cheasy M~
Cheasy M: By far the biggest name in this battle royal, Miss Strader, like her daughter, has a lot to prove and the ability combined with the determination to do it! She will be an extremely tough out on January 30th!
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: Alright fans, we’re just getting started! Let’s take a break and when we return, more neck crunching action!
~We cut to commercial~
Cheasy M: And we’re back!
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: That’s right, folks...we’re gonna give this one some air time! Two OCW legends will do battle on January 30th as former OCW Champion Curt Canon takes on former OCW Champion Chad Vargas with an OCW Title shot on the line! This is an opportunity for both competitors to not only return to the main event scene but to also reach rarefied air in becoming a two time OCW Champion.
~Cheasy tries to count the number of two time OCW champions in his head...but he isn’t quite sure if he’s got them all~
Cheasy M: There aren’t many, trust me. These two will compete in an Emperor’s Gambit match! Inside a steel fence with two sets of monkey bars running across at the top...where they cross, the briefcase containing the contract for an OCW Title match will rest. In order to win, one man must retrieve the briefcase and exit the steel fencing with the case in their possession. There is no door in the fencing. A one of a kind match created as an honor to the fallen CHECKERS
Cheasy M: Up to this point, both competitors have remained silent...as some legends tend to do. These men have established their place in OCW...now, all they need to focus on is handling their business...which both intend on doing in 11 days. Chad’s manager, however, has spoken out...let’s hear some words from former OCW owner, Treat Cassidy!
Treat Cassidy stands behind an OCW podium, several sports journalists and other media personnel is present.
Good afternoon folks. I have a statement here from my client, Chad Vargas. I won't be accepting any questions at the conclusion of this statement. I wish you all well and enjoy this exciting time on the cusp of a great OCW Pay-Per-View. Let's all work together in making this a success.
Treat clears his throat, as he files through the handful of documents before him. He pans around the room, and nervously clears his throat again, not sure if he should actually say the words written before him. After a long arduous sigh, he presses on.
"Fuck the coronavirus and fuck all of you sheep for being so soft and wanting to hide from the fucking sniffles. But the kids now-a-days, as I look over the roster are a bunch of brainwashed soft ass pussies. I'm not just talking about you, either, TIO. The whole lot of these bum ass motherfuckers. I wish the entire roster would die from sickness. The little coronavirus ain't gonna do it, though. Bitches."
Treat peers up, scanning the crowd. Some are of course, offended, some just shrug it off as the comments from The Confederate Icon are nothing new.
"I've yet to decide whether or not I'm going to participate in Access Denied. A guy of my caliber doesn't belong on the same show as a couple of no good cunts like Eve Gordon and Victoria Strader. I could use the exercise though, retirement has been good, but kind of boring. I've been unable to unleash holy ole HELL on anyone in quite sometime. And we all know, there's a few people in OCW that is worthy of a GOOD OLE down home country SOUTHERN STYLE ass WHIPPING! I'm just the guy to deliver it. But, I'm not a fan of wrestling anymore, I'm not a fan of OCW anymore. It's just a paycheck to me, and Welsh hasn't given me the right number yet. So, we will see how things work out. Fuck you Curt Canon and your little monkey too. I'm glad he's dead! See you the 30th, or not, I don't know yet."
Treat folds the statement up really nicely as he picks his head up to look at the media. The crowd murmurs as a few hands are raised. Treat flashes a toothy smile as he excuses himself from the podium.
"Please, I'm not fielding questions at this time. Please send your questions to OCW.com. Stay safe ladies and gentlemen. Let's flatten the curve!"
~We return to the OCW Studio and Cheasy M~
Cheasy M: Harsh words from an absent Chad Vargas. It seems as though the mind games are in full swing with these two. Will Vargas show up? Or, will he leave Curt Canon hanging? No pun intended. Given an OCW Title shot is in the balance, I’d say Chad Vargas takes the trip up north to Detroit. Another OCW Title reign is too much for the Confederate Icon to pass up.
~Camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: And on that...let’s cut to another commercial break. Stick around fans, Piledriver cruises on after these not very important messages!
~We cut to commercial~
~We return to the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: Welcome back, OCW fans and freaks and fornicators. I’m Cheasy and the show rolls on! Another intriguing match set to take place at Access Denied in just 11 days featuring a wonderful blend of old versus new. An OCW legend taking on an in-ring rookie. Bob Grenier has lured Gideon Cross into his playground of Canada (GREAT NATION TO THE NORTH). The brash youngster is far from concerned...don’t believe me? Well, let’s check in on Gideon!
Our scene opens up with yours and mines hero, yours truly "The Brat Prince" Gideon Cross, the very young man who to some is more of a villain then a hero. I mean you'd think that too considering he's rotten.. Privileged. Power-hungry. Ruthless. Cruel. Arrogant. Sadistic. Self-centered., but anyway he's our hero and we love him. However back to what I was saying as our scene slowly opens with that of Gideon, he can be seen just getting out of bed, he slips on his house sandals and grabs his Apple Iphone 13 pro max off the nearby nightstand and slides his finger across the screen as he does he opens the internet tab and goes straight to the OCW website.
GIDEON CROSS: "Nothing.. what the..."
Puzzled from what his eyes just say he smiles.
GIDEON CROSS: "Guess Bobby returned to his retirement home, where ever the fuck that is.. after all the odds are against him. He's old and I'm well just starting out.."
Gideon says as he walks into the bathroom as he does he grabs his toothbrush to brush his teeth to begin his day, a day unlike Veronica Strader could imagine considering well he's wealthy and she's not, living her life in some lesbian strip club called Victoria's psyche as Gideon would refer to it as…
~We return to the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: Will this youngster’s confidence prevail or merely turn out to be arrogance leading to demise in his OCW PPV debut? We’ll find out on January 30th at Access Denied!!
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: Speaking of youngsters...another member of Zybala’s Outsiders Battle Royal spoke up this past week. He claims to be the son of an OCW legend. He goes by ‘12’. Let’s hear from 12.
The crack of a bat sending a four seamed fastball tearing through chilly winter air opens our scene. A chiseled athlete stuck in a picturesque pose pauses, watching the fruits of his labor as the ball continues to soar, eventually vanishing over the deepest part of the outfield fence. He arrogantly flips the bat and begins to walk the bases, staring down the middle aged man on the mound.
Excellence cannot be taught. It cannot be trained. Excellence is bred. Its with you the moment you are conceived and never leaves. It only fades, if left untapped.
He stomps on first base before turning and marching toward second. The infielder roll their eyes and place their hands (gloved and bare) on their hips. It’s obvious this guy has a reputation and he’s making the most of it.
I was bred to be a genetic freak. Anything less was never in the cards. While most parents forge the age of their kids to make the appear younger, so they can play better, my foster parents forged my age up, to give the kids I was competing against a better chance.
His casual stroll makes its way around second, taking a slight turn toward third base.
Didn’t work. I still dominated. College scouts were all over my jock before I turned 13. My foster parents dealt with more scholarship offers than they did debt collectors. My talent was undeniable. It had been recognized. Greatness was inevitable.
He hits third and pauses, eyeing an irate third basemen. A moment of tension passes when the third basemen turns his head, unwilling to escalate the tension further. Our narrator smirks and heads for home.
As you can see, I fulfilled every hope and dream of those who recruited me. I am the very thing scouts and coaches seek. The truth. And, amid a sea of lies and fabrications, I stand tall as the unshakable fact that excellence, no matter the era, cannot be suppressed.
Finally, he reaches home. He stares at the catcher, who is blocking the plate. With more than a hint of defeat, the catcher lowers his head and backs away. Our narrator looks down at home plate.
The time has come for me to fulfill my legacy. My past always remained a mystery. Despite my foster parents best efforts, I knew there was more to my origins. Excellence such as myself could not have been created by a couple of middling americans. My heritage had to be spectacular.
He lifts his right foot up. It’s shadow looms over home plate.
I am the son of legend. I am the spawn of OCW royalty. And, at Access Denied, I enter a pro wrestling ring for the first time to continue what my father started. On January 30th, the chosen one, OCW royalty returns home.
~His right foot stomps, emphatically on home plate. The fans go wild. He heads for his dugout. The back of his jersey displays the number 12. We cut back to the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: He’s confident, I’ll give him that. That battle royal is stacking up to be a great opening to what should be a truly amazing event! Have you pre-ordered Access Denied? YOU HAVEN’T? Well, get on that RIGHT NOW. Access Denied will be the greatest pro wrestling event since OCW’s last Pay Per View event. It’s a show you do NOT want to miss.
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: Alright...let’s take another break and when we return...More Pliedriver!
~We cut to commercial~
~We return to the OCW Studio. We get a cut outside of fans going wild in sky blue for some reason, holding towels that read ‘MACK IS BACK’. Jones is outside with some news~
Jones: Cheasy, thanks for sending it out here.
Cheasy M: I didn’t send it out there. The show cut out there without my consent.
Jones: Oh. Well, anyway, thanks for being you. I’m out here where a group of fans have gathered celebrating the return of Mack O’Connor.
Cheasy M: Wait, Mack’s back?
Jones: These fans certainly think so.
~Jones rushes up to a fan holding a ‘MACK IS BACK’ towel~
Jones: Fan! What does all this mean? Why are you guys claiming Mack is back?
Fan: Because, he tweeted ya big dummy.
~Jones is a bit nonplussed by the random insult. But, he remains professional~
Jones: Tweeted? Where?
~Jones is shown the tweet~
“Rumor has it that someone is thinking of returning to the game.” - by Mack O’Connor January 19th, 2022 AD from somewhere in american most likely prison but maybe not.
~Jones doesn’t seem convinced~
Jones: Fan, I get that this is a tease and kind of exciting but this doesn’t mean he’s back.
Fan: This is twitter, BRO. That’s 100% confirmation that Mack is Back and he’s going to win the OCW Title by March so that he can head into Ireland as the OCW Champion.
Jones: Interesting you were able to jump to that conclusion. But I…
Fan: IT’S FACTS, bro.
Jones: Are you guys his fan club or something?
Fan: We are Mack supporters. We rep the light sky blue and white. We tip bartenders generously while also giving our female therapists the financial and emotional support they deserve.
Jones: Why haven’t you shaved your head?
~The fan glares at Jones. It gets tense. Then his phone goes off~
Fan: IT’S ANOTHER MACK TWEET
~They all go wild. Jones turns toward the camera~
Jones: It’s quite the scene out here, Cheasy. If these people are to be believed, then Mack O’Connor will be back on top at OCW within a month. Back to you!
~We cut back to Cheasy~
Cheasy M: Interesting development out there, folks. Have those people been taken by a case of O’Connor Fever OR are they on to something? We should get some answers in the coming weeks!
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: Speaking of the coming weeks...did you know Access Denied is only 11 days away? I know, right? Another match with major implications at Access Denied features Mike Zybala taking on BRIM. If Zybala wins, he reclaims ownership of OCW. If BRIM wins...he’s been promised a Savage Title that may or may not be in OCW’s possession. More on that later. But first let’s check in on Zybala to see what he’s been up to in the past few days…
: We cut backstage to see a drunk Mike Zybala, bruised and bloody. He's wearing a #17 Josh Allen jersey with chicken wing and bleu cheese stains on it. He has small bits of broken tables clingy to his clothes. Clearly, he has not stopped celebrating the win over the Patriots. He stops walking when he sees the door to BRIM's locker room. Zybala starts pounding on the door, yelling for BRIM to stop ducking him and actually drop a promo. Someone walks down the hall and this catches Zybala's attention. He notices this person is also wearing an official NFL jersey. But this one is a Chiefs jersey. This infuriates the drunk Zybala, who yells at the person and starts chasing them, screaming that he's gonna beat him worse than Buffalo's gonna beat Mahomes. :
Cheasy M: Okay, so Mike Zybala is clearly ready to fight. Like a caged animal covered in wing sauce and bleu cheese...he’s ready to strike. Can BRIM match his intensity on January 30th? I’m leaning toward absolutely. And, if he can, he will walk out with the Savage Title…
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: OR WILL HE? Let’s check in on our great and powerful GM as I’m told we have an update on the Savage Title situation.
~We cut back to Welsh’s office~
Marcus Welsh: Hmm...an impossible to beat Sudoku puzzle, eh? I’d like to give it a shot.
~His door bursts open and in walks...GREGORY POBLANO. Welsh yelps and stands up~
Marcus Welsh: Mr. Poblano!
Gregory Poblano: Welsh. I can’t stay long. I’ve heard Zybala is running around covered in vinegar and mold. I just need to know, in person.
Marcus Welsh: Yes?
Gregory Poblano: Have you procured the Savage Championship?
~Welsh pauses. Poblano stares. Welsh stares. Poblano leans in. Welsh leans in. Both men squint~
Marcus Welsh: I. Have.
Gregory Poblano: You. Have?
Marcus Welsh: I. Have.
Gregory Poblano: So, you are saying that you...have.
Marcus Welsh: Yes.
~They remain squint staring inches from one another’s face until Poblano pulls back and nods~
Gregory Poblano: Okay then. I look forward to handing the Savage Title to BRIM at Access Denied.
~Welsh’s door flies open. It’s POBLANO security~
Poblano Security: SIR! ZYBALA FOUND OUT YOU’RE HERE AND HE’S SPRINTING AROUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON.
Gregory Poblano: We must go. The Great Illiuminatus awaits! See you in Detroit, Marcus!
~Poblano and his security team member exit leaving Welsh alone. He slaps his palms on his desk top and hunches over, breathing deep breaths~
Leo: Sir?
~Leo pokes his head in~
Marcus Welsh: Give me the Beltsmith.
Leo: Beltsmith?
Marcus Welsh: Yes, the man who makes belts. He’s got work to do.
~We cut back to Cheasy and the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: The Beltsmith? Holy smokes...is Welsh going to attempt to make a replica Savage Title? Does this mean Supreme Machine has refused to give the belt back? Has Welsh even asked him? SO MANY QUESTIONS!
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: I don’t know where all this leads, fans. But there are some out there who speculate this could lead to Supreme Machine returning to OCW Television. Do I personally think that will happen? No. But, rumors are swirling.
~Cheasy takes a beat~
Cheasy M: And, onto a lighter note...back to the Outsider’s Battle Royal. Let’s check in on another promo that aired earlier this week...this one from a man familiar to those of you watching this program. Mike Mason participated in the Margarita Mix last year but was bounced in the first round. However, he made a strong impression on the people who run this place and he’s now got another shot...this time in Zybala’s Battle Royal. Let’s check in on Mike Mason!
*A voice is heard with a tone that could only be described as "if Blue Steel was a tone instead of a look.*
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most Marvelous of them all?
*"It is you Mike Mason '', replies a voice that is clearly the same person who has just changed his octave as to seem it were someone else. The shot opens to The Marvelous One standing completely nude, except for a footlong black censor-bar over his crotch. Triple M gazes into the mirror in the otherwise dark room admiring his massive pecks. *
These popping pecks that Flat-Chested Fanny would love to have to fill out her A-cup. A basic two who if she breast fed her child the poor thing would die of starvation. I thought her crotch was Max Rotten, but it turns out that is the name of some fat slob in this match.
*3M flexes his abs and runs his hand up and down them, if he had cheese he could grade it on those abs. *
Speaking of fat slobs, the Dadbod has entered this battle royal. How disgusting his body is, I'd comment on how his tits are bigger than Fanny's and Meghan's, but I eat chicken breast on a daily basis that those two would be jealous of. No, David you disgust and offend me in my core as a man. When I look at you David I am reminded of the quote from Socrates, "No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.".
You are shams to the word and gender of man. I will take great pleasure in humiliating you and showing you the strength of what my beautiful body is capable of.
*Triple M turns to admire his flexed glutes in the mirror. Not a single pimple or dingleberry on his toned, tanned cheeks. *
Just look at those cheeks, the same cheeks you all can kiss once I finish throwing everyone out of this battle royal like your dad should have thrown you out onto the sheets before you wastes of flesh were even conceived.
Speaking of Dads who should've finished on the sheets, Meghan Strader will bring her flat cheeks into this battle royal and get dropped faster than her sister's dress on prom night.
Prom dresses had a way of doing that around me.
*3M turns back to the mirror and looks down at the large censor-bar. *
12, the wrestler named after my length. Poor guy will last as long in this match as El Knuckle would with Whisper Mendoza. Call him El uno momento.
*The Mecca of Manhood hits a front double bicep and the room lights up. The room is full of mirrors all reflecting his perfectly sculpted physique. *
At Access Denied I'm more than a man among boys, I am a God among dweebs.
~We cut back to Cheasy in the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: Mike Mason...another strong contender to claim an OCW roster spot. We’ve heard from five...three are remaining. Will we hear from Dadbod, El Knuckle, and Whisper Mendoza by Sunday? Stay tuned to OCW 24/7 to find out!
~Cheasy slaps the desk with arbitrary excitement~
Cheasy M: And let’s take our final commercial break. When we return, more Piledriver!
~We cut to commercial~
~We return to the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: Welcome back, peeps. Let’s check in on this week’s updated Heat Check standings!
Cheasy M: Veronica Strader holding strong...as is Gideon Cross. Actually, these rankings haven’t moved much since last week. I think it’s pretty clear, fans, that the hay is in the barn, so to speak and these competitors are directing all their focus on what’s at stake come January 30th. With only 11 days until Access Denied it’ll be interesting to see how all of this shapes up heading into OCW’s first marquee event of 2022.
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: But not ALL wrestlers are comfortable sitting back and waiting for January 30th to get here. Nope, there’s one who remains focused and eager to compete inside the ring...and it’s why she’s been at the top of the Heat Check standings for two straight weeks. Folks, let’s show you what a true competitor looks like...let’s check in on Veronica Strader, the OCW TransAtlantic Champion.
~Its been quiet in the OCW Arena as the roster gets ready for their show in Detroit, Michigan known as ACCESS DENIED (get it, cause we ain't accepting applications). However, there is one person besides Lord Allton and Mike Zybala in the arena and the OCW faithful stand as "Just a Girl" hits the sound system as the Trans Atlantic Champion steps out on the stage. Veronica mouths "oh it's just little ol'me" and smiles. The music dies down.~
Veronica: Oh my OCW Faithful I really do love you all!
~She garners herself a cheap pop from the rowdy crowd.~
Veronica: I know you are dying for some action, and I'm never satisfied with my own rankings I need to increase it and keep these limbs and joints nimble and ready to go at all times! So Marcus Welsh (Marcus Welsh) I am going to head down to the ring and will await a challenger!
~Veronica walks down to ringside, sitting beside Smith and Hood.~
Veronica: Hey boys, did I wake ya?
~We cut back to Cheasy inside the OCW Studio~
Cheasy M: Who will accept Veronica’s challenge? Well, you’ll have to stay tuned into OCW 24/7 to find that out! And, on that note…
~The camera cuts. Cheasy adjusts~
Cheasy M: We’re gonna sign off...there’s one Piledriver remaining before Access Denied and it’s next Wednesday. Buckle up, OCW fans. The next 11 days are going to be wild.
~We fade out of the OCW Studio. But, we don’t fade out. Instead we cut to a BONUS PROMO~
~David Bowie's Five Years can be heard as a female narrator begins speaking over text."
"Lot's can happen in 5 years..."
"Donald Trump would be in the White House and then kicked out... Make 'Merica Great Again..."
"Jennifer Lawrence can go from being Americas Sweetheart to Americas most annoying celebrity to... disappearing... good riddance. Oh... she's back again? Right..."
"The other Wachowskis Brother will get a sex change too and end up making Jupiter Ascending and Matrix 4 within those years. To prove to America and the World that women can't direct movies. Thanks... guys?"
"A disgusting disease would take over the planet and force us to change our ways how we live and perform in this business. The disease? Wrestling and Sex in the Twitterverse. Oh... and Covid19 too."
"Betty White can go from 95 years old to... but dying before her 100th birthday. My theory? She knew how awful 2022 was going to be so she... killed herself..."
"But Betty, you're wrong girl. Because 2022 will be another great year, like 5 years ago to the day that Access Denied airs on Pay Per View (Jan, 30th 2022). The night that Alice Knight returned to OCW from Japan to Key West Florida within an entire episode of Massacre. That put Alice Knight on route to many things. A nick name and catchphrase that made her a fortune. The eventually reign for her OCW Championship. And of course, to be inducted into the OCW Hall Of Fame. Oh... i forgot. The mustard. How can we forget..."
"5 Years... "
"OWL IS NIGHT! RETURNS AT ACCESS DENIED! #HOOT!"